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I smile at ila 's reply . Tim begins penetrating me . Despite all the lube he has applied on his cock and my hole , he has to move slowly . Very , very slowly to test how far my hole can stretch . My other three partners , upon hearing ila 's words , slide their hands over my cock to milk me . Their fingers tightening , they squeeze and stroke my ladycock . I try to hold in my cum , at least until Tim has fully entered me , so that everyone gets equal credit for who makes me cum . My cock fully stiffens in seconds . At halfway along Tim 's shaft , I scream in ecstasy , " Aaaahh . . . " The others had to hold me in position with their other hands so that he will not bring me to my knees . I look up at the eager faces of people wishing they are next to fuck me . That is when I notice a lovely lady in fishnet stockings among the crowd of naked bodies . Either she is a latecomer or , from the rope marks , she had been kept busy during the party . Unlike the rest of my audience , she seems distracted , not focusing on the action as much as the lusty spectators . More importantly , she is flaccid . I feel Tim 's balls touching my opening . Keeping myself bent forward until he pulls out , I call out to Jamie , " You there , in the fishnets . Come over here . " The other playmates pause to see who I am talking to but I immediately say to them , " Don 't stop . My Master wants to see me cum . " Maggie slid her cock into me in one long , slow push that let me feel every inch of her beautiful , firm hardness . Of all the cocks that I 've had in me none felt as good as Maggie 's . She paused momentarily when she was fully inside me and then she started to slowly stroke in and out . I was soon moaning and groaning with pleasure . I look over at Princess . Tim is still pushing his monster cock into her . Shawn 's other two playmates have started running their hands over her cock . From the look of bliss on Shawn 's face I can see that she is getting a lot of pleasure from all the attention . It looks like Shawn 's playmates may just get her to cum very soon and long before me . I 'm not concerned at the moment though because Maggie 's cock feels too good fucking me . I don 't want her to stop any time soon . If she does cum I 'm hoping that someone replaces her ; male or female , it doesn 't matter to me . Now if only I had a cock to suck too . A couple seconds later I again look over at Princess . Someone in the group seems to have her attention and then she calls out for that person to join her . I look around and see a beautiful woman in fishnet stockings , a garter belt , and heels . She is looking around tentatively , perhaps even timidly . She seems both eager and reluctant at the same time . The woman turns slightly towards me . I can just make out a tiny flaccid cock . For some reason I 'm more turned on than ever . I watch her approach Shawn . I get the sudden desire to have this new woman suck my cock . I look directly into Shawn 's eyes hoping that she can see my lust for her newly selected playmate . It would be too easy to tell Princess to send her new partner to me , but I want her to get the idea on her own even if it 's after Princess Shawn has had her own enjoyment with this lovely new woman . I am looking forward to what may come next with this new girl that is wild and submissive . I am fingering my tiny head and all it is like is fingering an XL clit but want a hard cock in my mouth and one in my ass making me scream in ecstasy but all that come out is garbles because my mouth is so full . That cock is tickling my tonsils and I am tasting the sweet saltiness of pre cum sliding down my throat . I am secretly waiting for the sweet explosion that may be soon to come . Or cum . So I can swallow it all . The new girl loves an explosion in her mouth and ass form two simultaneous partners . Please don 't keep her waiting for too long . We have all night so many times we can go . My goodness , what has this new arrival been through ? Even as Tim starts to pull out , not squirting yet as he is being slow and gentle with his giant cock 's re - entry into my tight butthole , I am wondering if Jamie has been neglected all this time . Unlike everyone else , she is shy , far from rushing to the front row to catch a glimpse of the action . I can see a tiny bit of cum on the tip of her cock ; maybe someone played with her a while ago but left without properly satisfying her . This will not happen , not in my party . " Everyone , stop for now . " I order my playmates to back off . They do so reluctantly including Tim , all of them looking quite annoyed by the interruption . I walk over to Jamie , stopping as far as I can go with the leash still in ila 's hand . I look at Jamie from head to toe . A fully submissive lady with no one to dominate her , with cum on her hair that she has not wiped off . My first guess is that she desires a strict dom willing to punish her if necessary , though I find myself hesitant to adopt this attitude in case that is not what she wants . I say to her , " I will be your Mistress for the rest of the party , but first you have to show me what you can do . " I point at my cock that my partners had pleasured into its lovely , fully swollen form . " Suck me . Do it well and I will let someone fuck you . But if you fail to satisfy me , I will find ways to humiliate you . " I am just as shocked as everyone else when our beautiful hostess told everyone to stop . She had been so submissive for quite some time and now she was reasserting her authority . I still held her leash , though , so I would only let her dominate her new slave for awhile before I would again bring her back to a submissive role . Maggie had just pushed her cock all the way into me from one of her long , slow strokes when Princess had told everyone to stop . To my pleasure Maggie held herself deep in me instead of pulling out . I started squeezing my butt on her cock as I watched Shawn call Jamie over to her . Princess may be asserting herself , but I am still her master for now , so I don 't feel bound by her order to stop . As I squeeze on Maggie 's cock I start rocking back and forth making her cock slide in and out of me in short strokes . I look back over my shoulder to see Tim standing still , his mouth still half open in shocked surprise , and his rock hard , monster cock standing straight up . The feeling of Maggie 's cock in me and the sight of Tim 's cock is extraordinarily arousing . I can 't hold back and start to push back faster and harder against Maggie . She soon picks up the rhythm fucking me harder and faster . I match her stroke for stroke . It takes only a short time before Maggie 's breathing becomes heavier and laboured . She 's very close to an orgasm so I try to squeeze harder on her cock as she fucks me . The next thing I feel is Maggie driving her cock as deep into me as she can get it . She grabs my hips to hold herself in position . I feel her cock swell up and then the first spurt of cum jets into me . She backs off slightly and drives in deep again as she squirts again and again . Then just as quickly her orgasm subsides and she slumps onto my back , gasping for breath and sighing contentedly . This whole time no one else has moved except for Jamie and Princess . If our beautiful hostess is annoyed at Maggie and me she doesn 't show it . Her gaze is still on Jamie . I will fail to please The Princess orally , my wanna ' be Mistress but prefer the punishment she may give out to me for not pleasing her . I can do wonders with my tounge stroking while sucking but I will hold back . I would rather punishment than reward . For me punishment , humiliation , sweet pain is my reward . I am hoping that The Beautiful Princess and ila will recognize that I am not that shy but very submissive and then learn the best of my talents with my tounge and mouth . That anyone can cum on me or in me but in me , I will swallow it all . On me then I will style my hair with it or wear it proudly at the party . " Are you hesitating , or just refusing to suck my cock ? " I ask Jamie , trying my hardest not to sound too stern or I may scare her away . She is still standing there , eyes to the floor , instead of dropping to her knees . I run my hand through her hair , feeling the globs of someone else 's cum on my fingers . I will need some toys from the table but since ila is holding my leash , I cannot reach it . So I call out to the crowd , " Anyone who wants to see this girl humiliated , go fetch me something from the table of toys . Bring me anything and I 'll try to use it . " Several of my guests rush to the table follows , but by now it is nearly empty . When they return , I see that they can only find handcuffs , a roll of white tape and a blindfold . I take the handcuffs first and cuff Jamie 's hands behind her . Next , I tear out a strip of tape and press it over her lips . I will use the blindfold later . For now , I tell her to kneel in front of the crowd . They are already gripping their cocks in anticipation , ready to squirt over Jamie 's face as soon as I give the order . However , I then turn to ila . He is busy with Maggie , but his attention is focused on me . Does he want me to go back to being submissive or is he enjoying this display ? It turns out that the front row of my audience is getting impatient . I turn back towards them when I feel drops of cum on my skin . Some of my guests have started bombarding Jamie 's face with jets of hot cum . I grab her by the hair and force her to take it all face - first . The party is really heating up again . Only a short while ago some guests had been on the verge of leaving . Now most of them are up against the stage watching the action . Some have even climbed up on the stage to get closer as soon as our beautiful hostess had cuffed Jamie . My gaze alternates between Princes and Jamie . Normally I cannot stand humiliation , but Jamie is enjoying it so much that I 'm quite aroused . I intend to get in on the action , but I 'm quite content to watch for now . Maggie has regained her composure and she slowly pulls out her now flaccid cock . I let out a little whimper of disappointment . I wanted her to fuck me again , but I also knew that there wasn 't much hope of that for awhile . Just as Maggie stands up and moves to the side Tim takes her place . The next thing I feel is a huge cock against me . I turn my head to look back at Tim . There is a look of pure ecstasy on his face as he slides his cock all the way into me . I groan with pleasure as I 'm filled with cock . It 's been years since I last let a man fuck me . I thought that I 'd never let it happen again , but now I 've got more cock in me than I 've ever had before and it feels wonderful . My own cock is rock hard , throbbing , and leaking pre - cum in a steady stream . I squeeze on Tim 's cock with my butt to show him my approval . He starts slowly stroking in and out of me . I match him stroke for stroke heightening the pleasure both of us feel . I call out to Princess . " When Jamie is done with you send her here to suck my cock . " I give a slight tug on Shawn 's leash to remind her that I 'm still master . ( I think you got a bit confused with my previous post . It was the people in the crowd cumming on Jamie 's face after I gagged her with tape . But that 's okay , I 'm not picky . ) Jamie is such an enthusiastic cocksucker . Combined with the stroking I received from the other partners , I squirt within moments after entering her mouth . A load of cum bursts over her tongue and I am afraid she may choke on my sweet juice . The cum sprayed all over her face by the crowd is now dripping down her forehead , cheeks and chin , much like watery face paint . I silently chuckle at the thought of capturing her face on a camera and uploading it to my website . Too cruel ? Maybe . No , I will not wipe it off for her . She needs to be humiliated , and an interesting idea just crossed my mind . I continue holding Jamie 's head to my crotch , preventing her from speaking by keeping her mouth fully stuffed with my cock . Then I move back to ila , close enough to whisper into his ear , " I have a better idea . Why don 't we continue this in your house where there 's more privacy ? We can bring this slut along too . " I already have a speech planned for such a decision . If ila agrees , I will end the party and ask everyone else to leave . It will surely be an unpopular request , but when this princess wants privacy , she will get it . If I am the slut that joins the private party then I will go willingly but definitely will play like I don 't . I want to be told to go with some authority and domination . There is nothing better than having a dom and trans dominatrix wanting nothing more than to humiliate me and punish me . But since I have been a cum dumpster for so long I would love to be bathed and shave my legs and underarms and somewhere else so no stubble is present and get dressed in my sexiest slutty clothes and watch while the princess and ila do their thing while fingering my tiny flaccid thing . Both seemed surprised that mine don 't get big but I am totally open in a couple of different places . I want to play the part of the slave and hope that they know that . I want them to make me feel every inch and taste every sweet creamy drop or salty clear liquid . Princess Shawn is really enjoying her role with Jamie . I had the impression that she had more in mind than just letting Jamie suck her cock . Then just as Tim releases a big load into me Princess backs up . She leans over and whispers in my ear that we should go to my house and take Jamie with us . The thought is so arousing that I almost cum causing me to clamp my butt down harder on Tim 's cock . The pleasure for Tim is so intense that he squirts into me again . " Let 's do it , " I reply to Princess . " I 've never been involved with humiliation before , but with such a willing sub as Jamie it 's going to be simply delicious . Jamie needs to be prepared though . Leave in her cuffs and put a collar and leash on her . That 's all that 's required . She 's going to be marched naked through the streets . I guess she 's lucky that it 's only a five minute walk from here . " I climb back onto the stage . " Listen up , everyone . Thank you for coming , but it 's time for you to leave . " I speak using the microphone , and receive a chorus of boos , " Put on your clothes and go . Don 't worry about the mess , I 'll get the cleaners to mop this place up tomorrow . Remember to keep a lookout for flyers announcing my next party . It will be as hot as this one ! " Somewhat absorbed by my role as a hostess , I take off my collar and jog over to the main entrance of my house where I give every departing guest a handshake , a simple " Thank you for coming . " and , if they ask for it , allowing a brief fondling of my breasts and cock . It takes forever but eventually , the only people left in the main hall are myself , ila and Jamie . I return to them and pick up the collar I once wore . " Imagine how odd it 'll be if we go out in public , you holding my leash and I 'm holding Jamie 's . Instead , let Jamie be the only one with the collar . " And so I put the collar around Jamie 's neck and take the leash from ila 's hand . I find the roll of tape I was handed earlier , tear out another strip and gag Jamie with it . " You will not speak unless I allow it , understand ? " I say to her , " We are going to ila 's house . You will let everyone in the streets see you naked with your tiny cock . " Once I have made my orders clear , I straighten my sailor costume and put my panties on . My breasts are now covered . I want to head back to my bedroom to fix my hair but I 'm afraid ila will get impatient , so I simply brush it with my hands . It is late at night after all , no need to look glamourous in public . I have news for both princess and ila , I don 't mind showing my ass . But I keep my mouth shut because with the tape over my mouth how can I tell them ? Do I really want too even ? Nah , let them figure it out . I start to wonder who is my master , ila or princess . Oh hell both are . Who am I anyway ? Just a guest at a private party . So they lead me down the street collared and leashed . I keep my head down amidst the stares of the other people on the street . Sectetly it makes me hot but I act so ashamed and humiliated . Thank god my hair is long enough to hide my smile from the two masters it seems I have . It was amazing how easy it was to get the guests to leave . While Princess was saying goodbye to everyone I took the opportunity to look for my clothes . It took awhile , but I eventually found them . By the time Shawn rejoined me I was dressed and ready to go . When Shawn said that only Jamie should be wearing a collar I realized that she was right . I watched as she affixed the collar to our slave and then took the leash from my hand . Then she finished her handiwork by taping over Jamie 's mouth . I was getting impatient to be on the way . Princess must have sensed it because she quickly straightened her sailor costume and brushed back her hair . Just as we were about to leave Princess Shawn asked about Red . I hadn 't seen him since Shawn and I left her bedroom . I didn 't see him leave with the other guests . I figured he was still in the bedroom with Sonia or he left and I never saw him . It didn 't really matter though . He and Sonia were very attracted to each other and I 'm quite sure they would rather be alone with each other than with Princess , Jamie , and me . I was going to tell Shawn to check her bedroom , but then changed my mind . Red was perfectly capable of making his own decisions . A completely naked Jamie on a leash held by Shawn and with me giving directions made quite the sight as we walked down the street . We got several strange looks , but just continued on as if what we were doing was the most normal thing in the world . This was supposed to be humiliating for Jamie and though she tried to pretend it was so , it didn 't really appear that she felt that way . I got suspicious when Jaimie made a couple of gestures of openly displaying herself instead of hiding her face in shame . I took a few quick steps to get in front of her . I looked directly into her face . She immediately dropped her gaze . I looked lower and there was just enough light to see that her tiny cock was fully erect . It was no longer than my thumb , but it was definitely stiff . " Princess , " I called out , " our slave is enjoying this . Her little dicklet is hard and pointing straight out . What do you suggest we do to make her feel some humility ? " I give Jamie a light slap on her erect cock . " It 's a shame we 've already left my mansion . I have some toys for such an occasion . " I reply , then grab Jamie 's cock and give it a little squeeze . " For the rest of the night , you need my permission or ila 's if you want to get hard , understand ? " Suddenly , I hear the distinct click of a cellphone camera . Someone on the street is taking pictures of this unusual sight . I release Jamie 's cock and make her stand in front of ila and myself . " Go ahead . Take pictures of my slave with her tiny dick . Look how hard she is . She loves the attention . " To make sure the humiliation really sinks in , I hold her head up so that she faces the camera . There is no hiding of her face using her hair now , except when I turn her around to grant a good view of her butt . " Play with your butthole , slave . Do it . " I order her . By now , more and more onlookers have shown up . At this hour , the only people walking along this area are the unsavoury types , the kind that just finished drinking at a bar or renting a load of porn , more likely to point and laugh than ask what 's happening . I always do what my Master or Masters tell me so I first turn to the cameras and the people taking pics but still keep my eyes down even though my head is up . I am a good slave . I love public humiliation thinking of how humiliated I want to feel . Regardless of what princess tells me . I expect to be punished for defying princess and ila but my " itty bitty clitty " stays hard and oozes my sweet , salty " honey " that leaks out . The though of punishment turns me on and makes me leak more so I follow my Mistresses orders and take my middle finger and rub the tiny tip a couple of times and stick that finger in my tight hole . Then I do it again but with two fingers inside . I am going at it and just say fuck it and wipe the slickness from my thighs and what is streaming down my tiny cock and put all four fingers in . I get hotter and hotter and start begging ilsa and princess to go to isla 's and put one in my mouth and one in my ass . Switch off as ya 'll wish because I am clean down there . so they take pity on the slave and isla and princess lead me to isla 's place so they can humiliate me to their own pleasure . I am excited but also scared because I have displeased the princess because my tiny thing is still hard . I am sure I will be punished so that makes me stay as hard as I can get even though it hurts a little . When there is no one left to take pictures of our slave I suggest to Princess Shawn that it is time to move on to my house , but before we go I glance down at Jamie 's waist . " Look at this , Princess , " I say to Shawn , " our slut enjoys being humiliated . Her micro - dick is still hard and dripping sissy cream . I think it 's time we got to my place and give her some cock . " Shawn looks where I indicate . She disapproves at what she sees . Our slave was instructed to not get hard without permission and now Princess is going to come up with some suitable penance . Shawn agrees with me . She gives our slave a slap across her buttocks with the end of the leash . Jamie is more surprised than anything and lets out a little yelp . I grab her tiny clit between the thumb and forefinger of my right hand . I squeeze down enough that my nails irritate her . Jamie lets out another yelp . Amazingly she stays hard is like that the rest of the way to my house . I lead both women into the living room . " I 've got an idea , Princess . Do you have a phone in your bedroom that is on a different line than the rest of your house ? " Shawn indicates that she does . " Good , " I continue . " I 'll call the number and hope that if Red is still there that he picks up the phone . You can then talk to him and tell him what items you want him to bring over here . " I pull out my phone from my pocket and dial that number that Shawn gives me . The phone on the other end starts ringing . There is one ring , then two , and by the fourth ring I 'm sure that Red is either gone or he won 't answer the phone . Just as I 'm about to cancel the call the phone is answered . To my relief it 's Red 's voice . " " Red , " I say sternly , " this is Master ila . I 'm going to pass the phone to Princess Shawn . She 's going to tell you to bring some objects to my house . Do it promptly . " I tell Red on the phone , " Look inside my dresser drawer . There 's a vibrating butt plug with the batteries still inside . The big purple one . Bring that here , along with some rope and lube . " I pause , look at ila and Jamie , then my gaze roams around the room . Ila probably expects me to add some items for Jamie 's punishment , but I am more of a damsel in distress than a harsh mistress who inflicts pain . Plus , I don 't know what Jamie 's limits are yet . All I know is that her face and leaky cock have been ogled and mocked by the people in the streets , yet she seems to be even more turned on . " Bring the cat of nine tails too . I have a slave here who needs to be punished . Oh , and a feather . One of those long , stiff ones in the dresser . " At this point , I turn back to Jamie and say , " What did I say about getting hard ? Do I have to spank you ? " I give her a spank on her butt , leaving a red mark on the cheeks . Then I ask ila , " Anything you wish to add , Master ? I admit I 'm not good at punishing slaves . Maybe you can think of something and ask Red to bring it over . " I pass the phone to him . While he talks to Red , I sit on the couch , bend Jamie over my knees and spank her again and again . Her hard cock is pressing against my thigh so I know if she is getting aroused or not . I have no limits . The more humiliated an the more pain I feel just makes me hornier . Just the though of a whip makes me leak with a clear sting of juice all the way to the floor . Yes I am fully turned on . I just hope they tie me where both holes are totally open . Ankles tied up above my head leaving my ass wide open and maybe a ring gag in my mouth leaving that wide open for a cock . Anyone 's and everyone 's . I leak a little more that feel like a surge of my love juice and a big drop gathers and falls on the floor . Ila better get some towels because I don 't want to mess the floors up . I get back on the phone with Red . " In addition to what Princess told you there 's one more thing that you need to bring over . I want a chastity device for a cock , preferably a cage style and make it the smallest one that you can find . " After that I give Red the directions to my house . I turn to Princess and Jamie just as Shawn finished the spanking that she 's been administering . There are tears in Jamie 's eyes , but they are tears of happiness . It 's amazing that she 's so turned on by all this . " We 've got some preparations to do , Princess , " I say . " It looks like our slave needs to be tied up with her fuckholes exposed . Put her face down on the bed with her head at foot end of the bed and hanging over . Spread her legs and tie her ankles to the corners of the headboard . " I don 't have any ropes like the leash that we are using on Jamie so I take a quick look around the house . I return a few minutes later just as Princess Shawn has positioned our slave . I hand a leather belt to Shawn and tell her tie one ankle while I use another belt to tie the other leg . I then remove the leash to tie one arm to a bed leg . Princess uses a length of cord that I hand her to tie Jamie 's other arm . I then look at Shawn . " I wasn 't pleased with the poor attempt at a blowjob that slave tried to give you before . Get in front of her and tell her to do it again . That should keep slave amused until Red shows up with some toys . " I make sure Jamie is well secured , so tight that she can barely lift an arm or leg . I kneel on the bed in front of her face and tear the tape from her mouth . " You heard him . Start sucking . " My cock , now flaccid , dangles right over her lips . Gently I lower it into her mouth , only to pull it away before she can begin and tell her , " Don 't disappoint me . When I cum , I want you to swallow the whole load . " Taking my time to make sure she is ready for a mouthful , I insert my cock into her mouth while holding her by the hair . At the same time , I note the wet spots on the floor where her cock has been dripping cum since her spanking . " What a messy slave you are ! " I reprimand her , though sadly I am unable to spank her again in this position . " You dirty whore , leaking your juice all over Master 's bedsheets . I told you not to get hard and you still disobey me . " While Jamie sucks , I undo my sailor costume . My breasts spill out and I rub them with my other hand . I am looking at ila now . " What will you do while we wait for Red ? " At Princess ' question I realize that I 'm still dressed . My clothes go flying as I strip off . My cock is rock hard , standing straight up , and throbbing . I get on my bed and between Jamie 's legs . I spread her butt cheeks and then adjust my position so that I am laying on top of her with my cock positioned against her entrance . I push and slide all the way into her . " Wow , I 'm not the first one in you tonight , slave . You 're so full of sperm that I don 't need any lube at all . You 're a real cock slut aren 't you , slave ? " I wait a moment . Jamie 's mouth is full of her Mistress ' cock so she can 't speak . " Answer me , slave , " I say . " That was a question . Are you a cock slut ? Tell me or I 'll let Mistress use the cat on you . " I had to pull out to let Jamie reply . The cat has not arrived yet , which is a shame as she is simply begging to be whipped for being such a whore . I take the tip of my cock and slide it around Jamie 's lips . " How many guys fucked you at my party ? Too many to count ? " Before she can reply , I thrust into her mouth again . I am hard now , just waiting to release the inevitable spurts . The first stream erupts deep into Jamie 's throat . I moan loudly , and continue ramming her in the mouth , feeling her tongue trying to wrap around my cock . I don 't expect her to swallow everything , of course , and pull out in between squirts . My hand squeezes out the next load , which I aim at Jamie 's face . The other hand is holding her head upright to make sure she catches every drop . In this position , her face is covered in my sweet juice , a wet sticky mess that she is no doubt quite familiar with . " Are you hungry for more ? " I ask her before sliding my cock into her mouth again . Another spurt is unloaded . " You love the taste of my cum , don 't you ? " I don 't believe my Master and Mistress has ever had such a submissive woman before . When Red arrives with the " cat " I am secretly hoping that I can 't sit for a week . I want to cry and make my mascara and eyeliner run down my cheeks . But I am hoping that either my Mistress or Master will take pity and let me hang at either of their places until I can . Chain me up while or tie me up when you go to work for the day . Then release me and I will do whatever you want for the rest of the night until the next morning until I heal enough to sit . then I will go or stay submissively if they want . I don 't mind being shared . I ram my cock hard and fast into Jamie . She may have had a lot of cocks already this evening , but she 's incredibly tight . I may have to keep her around after tonight just so I can have the pleasure of fucking her cute , tight , little ass every night . In just a few minutes I feel an orgasm building in me . I drive my cock deep into my slave and my first spurt jets into her . I spurt once more and then I get a brilliant idea . I quickly pull my cock out of Jamie 's warm , tight hole and spurt onto her ass cheeks and back . I am rubbing my cock along her butt cheeks , quickly working up another hard - on when I hear the doorbell ring . It must be Red already . I silently curse myself for not telling Red to just walk in the house . I get off Jamie and head to the door . Red is there with Sonia . She 's holding onto him and looking at him adoringly . Red hands me a bag . I open it to see that everything Princess and I requested is inside . Meanwhile Red is standing awkwardly in the doorway . I can see that he wants to leave right away , but at the same time he 's still conscious that he had played a submissive role this evening . I don 't want to spoil any plans he has so I tell him that he and Sonia can either stay or leave . Relief floods through Red . He thanks me and then quickly disappears with Sonia . I head back to the bedroom sorting through the bag of goodies . When I walk in Princess Shawn is just finished with Jamie . " We have everything we requested , " I say as I look at Shawn and then Jamie . " Our slave needs this , " I continue as I pull out the cat . " I can see she 's desperate to feel the tips bite her bum . First , though , I need to cage her . " I pull out the chastity cage and move it around in my hands . Red has done well . The cage is barely more than an inch long and not much bigger around than my thumb . " Loosen a couple of our slut 's restraints , Princess , and then help me cage her itty , bitty clitty . " OMG I am so scared because if I do get hard I will feel pain in the Chastity Belt . I think to myself , " Screw it . I love pain . If my tiny head meets metal then so be it . If it hurts then so be it . I will always do what my Master and Mistress wants from me . I am the sub so I really have no say or want a say . " Secretly I am wishing they would hide me away and keep me for their own pleasures . One at a time , both at the same time or as a party favor . I am hoping the Chastity Belt has an opening in the rear though . I am hoping it is customized for a trans woman with the a hole where the sweet spot should be and if it hurts a little too much as it spreads my cheeks where the ass is totally open then oh well . It just hurts . Ila puts a ring gag in my mouth and locks it around the back of my neck . Tight . Maybe too tight that my jaws begin to ache . Then the princess and ila blind fold me so I won 't know who is doing what in what orifice . They go back and forth intermittently and I beg then , " please fuck me and choke me " until one of them sticks their stuff so far down my throat that I gag . I can 't talk anymore just enjoying the master and mistress wholly or " Holey ' . I think to myself that I really hope the Chastity Belt is clean and whoever owns it will clean it when they get it back because there is nothing but slimy salty ecstasy coming from my tiny dick . Oh . OMG it feels so good even though my head is nowhere near the limit of the Chastity Belt . OMG I scream what I can gargled with whoever 's dick is in my mouth choking me . My toes bend backward and what comes out is pure clear and feels like boulders shooting out my urethra . Rather than hurt it puts my mind in a pure ecstatic stage . So whoever has their thing in my ass gets it a little tighter . Time for round two . If my master and mistress got off I can wait patiently bound or locked up . They don 't know I can go all night and multiple times . If I have to walk down " The Walk of Shame " tomorrow morning because I really don 't know ila or princess shawn , then so be it . I have been a slut before . Humiliation is nothing new but there is power in willing to be humiliated . With the full filling and sweet stretching pain in my ass , and the gagging cock in my throat . I leak more and more . The poor slave , all bound , gagged and with her little cock caged up . It has an opening for fucking in the rear . I have never worn it myself but I did use on a few guests with specific interests , and now Jamie is the latest to be forced into this position . If she gets hard , it will hurt . I pass the vibrating butt plug to ila , to be used on the hole of his choice . As much as I like having his attention all to myself , it will be fun to torture poor Jamie . To make her get hard until the cage bites into her cock , to punish her for being such a whore who cannot stop cumming . For that , I pick up the feather I asked for and stroke the underside of her cock with its pointed tip between the bars of the chastity cage . At the same time , I ram my cock back inside her mouth to silence any complaints she may have . With the blindfold on , she does not see either of them coming at her . I am lying on my side now , feeding her with my cock and tickling hers . " Don 't get hard . " I remind her , " No matter what happens , do not get hard without my permission . " With the cat in my left hand , I run the tips across her tender red butt cheeks as a preview of what awaits her if she misbehaves again . And I know she will get hard . I myself have never been able to resist cock tickling . To be tied up and feel that feather slide from base to tip , again and again , it drives me crazy every time . While Jamie is totally submissive and lets us know it , I on the other hand enjoy pretending to fight the urge just to make sure my partner is equally entertained . I guess that is the big difference between Jamie and I : she craves domination , pain and humiliation while I prefer the roleplaying aspects . I take the butt plug that Princess Shawn hands me . It 's got to go somewhere on our slave and since Princess is feeding her cock in her mouth the only place left is in her butt . In one swift movement I slide the plug all the way into Jamie . She is so well lubricated there that the plug goes in easily . She emits one little groan and continues sucking Shawn 's cock . The sight of Princess on her side with her cock in slave 's mouth is excitingly erotic and made even more so by Jamie 's need to be submissive . I watch Princess ' beautiful body for a few seconds . She is irresistible , causing my cock to throb . I lay down behind her and slide my cock between her cute bum cheeks . I brush the head of my cock along her opening . It feels so good for me that I 've got put my cock in her again . Fortunately the lube is close to hand . I squirt a bit onto my hand and then apply it to my cock and Princess ' entrance . I push and slide partways in . I push once more and I 'm all the way in her . I don 't have to move as Jamie 's sucking actions are causing Princess to move back and forth which in turn causes my cock to slide in and out . Noticing that Jamie is cumming and letting the plug slip out of her hole , I am ready to punish her , but delay it to enjoy ila 's cock in my butt for a while longer . My cock , already stiff as it can be , squirts another load into Jamie 's mouth . I speed up my movements , making sure she receives my full length and , as I exit her mouth , I get fucked by ila down to his balls . What an interesting position this is ! I have to bite my lip to keep myself from letting out any moans so loud , they may as well be screams . Faster and faster I go , knowing that ila loves my tight entrance and Jamie will swallow any amount of juice I release down her throat . Eventually though , I have to get up . Carefully I push myself away from Jamie 's mouth and allow ila to slide his cock out . Taking Jamie by the chin , I force her to face me even if she cannot see me . " What did your Master say , slut ? What did he say about letting go of the butt plug ? " I am kneeling in front of her face and raising the cat above my head . A crack of the tails over her butt turns it red . Being blindfolded , she cannot see it coming , which lets every hit take her by surprise . The second strike from the cat lands harder than the first , followed by a pause as I reach down under Jamie 's body and pinch one of her nipples . A good hard twist will make her feel the pain she no doubt lusts for . Princess is so incredibly tight that I feel like I could fuck her all night long . She feels better than ever and when she starts to go faster I can 't help but keep up with her . I stroke in and out of her faster and harder . The pleasure of it is flooding through my whole body . I hear slave 's butt plug fall out and hit the floor . I expected that to happen as I knew she wanted some more punishment , but fucking Princess feels too good to stop right now . Jamie 's punishment is going to have to wait . Suddenly Shawn shoves back hard against me . I grind my cock deep into her smooth , firm , shapely bum . Princess thrusts forward again . I can tell that she is cumming in slave 's mouth . The excitement is too much for me . My cock swells up and jets a big load into Princess Shawn . I spurt three more times , shove my hips forward , and let out another weaker spurt . I slump back onto the bed as my cock slips out of Princess . I watch as Shawn picks up the cat and then readjusts her position . She cracks the instrument once . Slave flinches and then tries to brace herself for what she knows is coming again . Shawn times her swing perfectly . The cat comes down on Jamie 's reddened buttocks when she 's not expecting it . I can see that Jamie is enjoying her punishment despite the stings of the leather . She flinches once more when Princess reaches underneath and tweaks a nipple . Jamie lets out a moan of pleasure . I can 't believe that enjoys this so much . I can 't just lay here anymore . I 've got to join in . I hold out my hand for Shawn to pass the cat over to me . Princess Shawn hands the cat to me with the handle out . I loosely grip it , giving it a couple of casual swings . I brush the tips over slave 's butt . Then without warning I flick my wrist . The tails rise and fall with a snap . Jamie jumps with surprise and then settles down again . I watch as she wiggles her cute , little tush . " Slave wants more , " I say looking directly at Princess . " What do you think we should do next ? Don 't say just anything just do it . " ( Time out for a moment , ila . As I said , I 'm more of a sub so I actually don 't have a lot of ideas for painful punishment . Unless we want to do something really dangerous , like electrocution or branding , I need Jamie 's suggestions for what kinds of punishment she likes so that I won 't cross the line . Btw Jamie , if I post in brackets like this , it means I 'm talking out of character . If you want surprises , don 't specify the exact punishment . Just give us a general idea of what else we can do to you . ) ( Time out for a moment , ila . As I said , I 'm more of a sub so I actually don 't have a lot of ideas for painful punishment . Unless we want to do something really dangerous , like electrocution or branding , I need Jamie 's suggestions for what kinds of punishment she likes so that I won 't cross the line . Btw Jamie , if I post in brackets like this , it means I 'm talking out of character . If you want surprises , don 't specify the exact punishment . Just give us a general idea of what else we can do to you . ) ( I 've never been in a master role in RL so I don 't have any experience with punishments and discipline . I do know that I don 't want to go into dangerous punishments . I 'm very uncomfortable with that . ) ( Time out for a moment , ila . As I said , I 'm more of a sub so I actually don 't have a lot of ideas for painful punishment . Unless we want to do something really dangerous , like electrocution or branding , I need Jamie 's suggestions for what kinds of punishment she likes so that I won 't cross the line . Btw Jamie , if I post in brackets like this , it means I 'm talking out of character . If you want surprises , don 't specify the exact punishment . Just give us a general idea of what else we can do to you . ) OK So I will post in brackets too . ( Nothing dangerous or permanent for sure . I will save that for real life if I ever find that special someone for ever . I don 't want to mark my body up with tats of Ex 's names . Real branding would have to be really tiny . But no . Ball gags , ropes , and so on . Spanking and whips that don 't cause scaring so no caning . No blood either . No bruises but making my ass cheeks and face blush a little slightly is ok . But being tied up is humiliating , having someone in my mouth and ass at the same time is humiliating , making me gag is humiliating . Spanking is humiliating . Making me swallow is humiliating but saying all the right words . So no nothing dangerous or permanent . ) OK so back in character . ( I 've never been in a master role in RL so I don 't have any experience with punishments and discipline . I do know that I don 't want to go into dangerous punishments . I 'm very uncomfortable with that . ) ( Read above post ila . No dangerous or permanent marking like tats and especially brands . That I will save for that someone special in real life if I ever meet them . ) A couple of slaps on Jamie 's tender red ass , then I move over to her hole and gently poke its opening with my cock . Ila had left the lube on the bed which I am now squeezing a bit onto my middle finger . " Don 't struggle , slave . " I tell her before inserting my finger into her hole . Inside , I wiggle and twist it , making sure the entire opening is ready for an easy entry . " Look at her . I think she wants to taste your cum too . " I say to ila while pulling my finger out . I begin fucking her , slowly this time so that she can feel every inch of my cock going in . Not that I have to push hard because her hole has been widened already . The cum spewed into her by every other cock tonight coats my tip , a sticky mess that I push back inside her . Once in a while , I spank her on both butt cheeks and fondle them like a pair of breasts . I know she is cumming . She just can 't stop no matter how many times I punish her for it or how tight the chastity belt is . I ram her more forcefully , jerking her body forward with each insertion . " You can 't even obey a simple order , slave . I said no cumming ! The only thing you 're good at is being a fuckhole , and not even a tight one ! " I watch while Princess prepares to enter slave . I enjoy watching the slow deliberate measures . I 'm so involved that I forget to do anything until Shawn says that slave wants to taste my cum . I scramble into position so that my cock is within tongue flicking distance of Jamie 's mouth . I give her cheeks two quick , sharp , stinging slaps with palms of my hands . " Listen up , slave , " I say gratingly . " You need a more appropriate name than slave . From now on you 'll be call cock slut or cum slut . Both names fit you . " I look at Shawn and see her smiling at the new names . I have a feeling that she may come up with some names of her own . It will be interesting to see what happens . I have already cum more times tonight than I ever thought possible so I 'm curious to find out how our slave is going to get me hard once more . As cum slut takes my flaccid cock in her mouth I look back at Princess Shawn to see that she is slowly fucking slave 's ass . " That 's it , Princess , fuck cum slut real good . Fill her with your hot cream and then we 'll switch around . " After fucking Jamie 's asshole , and squirting one final load into her , I pull out visibly fatigued by the night 's events . There was a lot of fucking and cumming for a single party . I cannot get enough of that , but I have to stop at some point . " I think we can call it a night here . " I say to ila , somewhat hesitantly as I know he will be disappointed by my decision despite his own exhaustion . As for Jamie , I untie her from the bed . " And you are still a slut who can 't obey your mistress . " Very gently I remove the chastity cage from her cock . It is now free to cum and swell , but I make sure she knows I still disapprove of it . " The next time you see flyers announcing my next party , I expect you to show up . You need more training . Believe me , the punishment will be as severe as tonight 's if not more so if you still refuse to follow orders . You may go home now . " She gives me a shy glance . I cannot tell if it is fear or eagerness on her face . Then she heads out of ila 's house without putting any clothes on ; the humiliation from walking home naked will be a bonus to her . I put my costume and shoes back on , making sure ila gets one last look at my cock and boobs . " My dear ila , you 've earned this . " I whisper , and kiss him on the lips . " Be sure to keep a lookout for my next party . I 'll be waiting for you . " With that , I head back to my mansion . The mess will be cleaned up tomorrow morning . Back in my bedroom , I slip off the costume and into my nightie . Climbing onto my bed , I fall into a deep sleep . Thanks Shawn . And ila , Red , and Jamie too . I really enjoyed following this . Very erotic and well written ! And I was glad to participate with my friend " Kirsten " briefly . Looking forward to the next episode . Maybe I won 't be so busy with work ! Andy
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There is something stirring in my soul . . . I don 't want to say it " out loud " ' cause then it becomes real . There haven 't been very many times in my life when my soul is stirred , but when it happens , some kind of action must be taken . While " stirrings " can be exciting , they can also be scary . I 'm not totally to the exciting part yet . I know that even when people feel unqualified , they can be used . I haven 't figured out my role in this " stirring " yet , but I 'm pretty sure I will have a role . All I 'm gonna say is : please pray with me . Please pray for right timing , right details , clear direction . Please pray for everyone who will be involved . Amen . I don 't have a lot to report , but wanted to let you know that Harv went back to work . He is working part - time at Northrop Grumann ( 100 % from home ) and helping with proposal writing . He started a week ago and has been PLENTY busy . While I think it 's been kinda fun for him to get back into the working world , it has also been an adjustment . Partly , ' cause he jumped in right when they were working on a proposal with tight deadlines . . . but also just ' cause he doesn 't have quite the stamina that he did before cancer entered our world with chemo , etc . . . But ! I 'd say he 's kinda likin ' it overall . We are very thankful that they offered him this opportunity . He goes back tomorrow for second round of this treatment . He 'll have Avastin infused and then continue with daily GMCSF shots . We have an appointment with Dr . Lin next Tuesday . We are only days away from the 2 year " anniversary " of his diagnosis . TWO YEARS ! I wouldn 't say they 've been easy years , but we have been very fortunate in many , many ways . And , I believe he 's doing very , very well for a stage - 4 - colon - cancer - metastatic - to - the - liver patient ! Thankful , thankful , thankful ! This is the Sunday before Thanksgiving . Throughout my life , I have attended Thanksgiving church services where people get to voice their thanks . When I was a child , we had services on Thanksgiving day and the whole service was centered around people having an opportunity to share what they were thankful for . No one in my family ever did it . Not because we weren 't thankful . We just didn 't want to share in front of the whole congregation . There were families who shared EVERY year . I think it made us uncomfortable that they shared their feelings in such a public way . We didn 't think it was wrong , but we squirmed a bit when they shared so openly . And , we held our thankfulnesses tightly . Today , in the church bulletin , I noticed that there would be an opportunity to share thankfulnesses today . I rolled my eyes in discomfort and dug my heels in , prepared to hold onto mine . But people got up and shared beautiful meditations of why they were thankful and how they practice thankfulness - - even in times of difficulty or times when they don 't really FEEL thankful . The very first thing that comes to mind when I think of thankfulness ( though it is not , by any means , the only thing I 'm thankful for ) is that Harvey is still alive . Two years ago today , we didn 't know how sick he was . December 20 , 2011 we found out . It was scary . We had to talk about things with our girls that we didn 't want to talk about . We had to talk to an attorney so we would be prepared for what seemed to be inevitable . We faced ( and tried not face ) what seemed really ugly news . His diagnosis was stage 4 colon cancer metastatic to the liver . And , the first couple of doctors we saw did not have much hope in their eyes . Enter the second thing that I 'm thankful for : Dr . Lin and research and progress and HOPE . I remember leaving his office feeling hopeful . Hope is something that cancer patients and their families need . And , he has given us hope throughout the past two years . . . . And , Harvey is doing pretty well for someone who thought his death was eminent . Hope continues two years later . Sometimes , though , I 'm so thankful for so much that I don 't want to say it out loud . Sometimes it 's too sacred . The thankfulness I feel is very deep . It 's not something I can describe . It 's too big . . . too special . . . too important . You know what I mean ? It 's as if saying it out loud kinda takes away the specialness of it . But understand this : I have been and continue to be blessed beyond measure in ways beyond measure throughout my life . . . I grew up in a family that I treasure . I married into a family that I treasure . I gained a daughter through marriage that I treasure . . . and God gave me two little girls that I treasure - - all of those people - - - more than I will ever be able to let them know . It 's been a full day - - capped off with the Sehome Cross Country banquet ! I am so thankful that Sarah and Hannah are a part of that team ! ! ! Seriously . I mean it . It 's been a great thing for them during these past couple of years . . . ( They just finished their THIRD season with the team . . . and it was a good one ! ) Sehome has gone to state every year since Sarah and Hannah have been on the team and the whole team has won twice . Timing is interesting , huh ? : - ) Anyway , we got some good news . Harv 's CEA is down to 10 from 15 . Which means , we believe , that the immune boosters are working . The CT scan showed very defined borders around the tumors which is a good thing . The lesions in the liver are showing a 30 % reduction in size . The affected lymph nodes also have decreased in size . The PET scan was not conclusive , in Dr . Lin 's opinion , because it " lit up " in some areas , but he believes that it 's because of the GMCSF ( immune booster ) . He says that the real evidence of progress is shown in the CEA count and the size of the tumors . . . both of which are going down . His plan is to have Harv continue with the GMCSF + Avastin ( no more 5FU or pump ! ! ! Weeee hawww ! ) for a couple of more rounds to see if the decrease in both numbers and size continues . We had some good news today . . . Don 't have time to give a full report , but things are progressing it seems . Will give a few more details later . Thanks for crossing your fingers ( and toes and eyes ) and your prayers ! Yipppee ! My brain sometimes is a bit befuddled and I can 't remember the sequence of events very well . . . So , let me just say that over the past week , we have discovered that it MAAAAAAY be possible for Harv to have another liver surgery . We 're not sure , but maaaaaaaybe . So tomorrow , we 're going to Seattle so Harv can have CT / PET scans to be sure . Now , if the scans look good , then maaaaaaybe Harv can have surgery soon . He just finished a round of chemo which included Avastin so it can 't be for at least three weeks , but perhaps before the end of the year . Maybe . I suppose that , even though I knew that we would always be fighting Harv 's cancer , I have always kinda continued to hope ( and pray ) that one day we would be able to have an extended period of time ( more than 3 weeks or even 4 weeks ) where we DID NOT have to go to the doctor . We 're not there yet . And , truthfully , we are both tired of doctors and hospitals and treatments and misbehaving spouses and so forth and so on and what have you . . . . The other day we met with Dr . Lin . He had Harv do another blood test to check for CEA count . Turns out it was 15 . 3 a week after it had been 13 . 2 . . . I don 't really think it 's in the " alarming " range , but it seems to be increasing rather than decreasing . . . which I find annoying . So , today , I got an e - mail from Dr . Lin and he and Dr . Park will discuss possible options . . . . all of which we have known were possibilities . If a miracle doesn 't happen between now and the next CT scan , I believe the first choice would be radiation beads given internally and directed RIGHT AT the tumor ( s ) . Then , possibly surgery if the radiation can shrink things enough . If that option , for some reason , isn 't feasible , then they 'd go for external radiation . We are approaching the two year mark since diagnosis . . . TWO YEARS , people ! ! ! On December 20 , 2011 , Harv was diagnosed with STAGE 4 colon cancer . We didn 't know what that was gonna look like , but I think we were all a little afraid that two years was stretchin ' it a little bit . But - - we also know that Harv is an overachiever who likes to excel in what he does . He 's a goal setter and a person who likes to succeed . If you look back over the past two years , you will see some major milestones . . . His CEA count dropped from 661 at its highest to 1 at its lowest . He hiked all of almost - 100 trails of Galbraith Mountain after his colon surgery . ALL of ' em ! He also WROTE A BOOK , dammit ! A BOOK ! THAT GOT PUBLISHED ! He and I were able to take two trips to Hawaii ( hopin ' for another one : - ) The family went to the Grand Canyon in 2012 and to the Olympic Penisula twice . We have had lots and lots of family togetherness . : - ) The other day a neighbor stopped me in the grocery store to ask how Harvey is doing . I told him pretty much the latest and he said " He looks so GOOD . Every time I see him , he 's just BEAMING . . . " and then he said something like " I think he 's gonna be fine . " And the truth is : I do , too . But the reality is that we still have work to do . . . And , as the doctor said , " It 's a marathon . " ( Hey ! It just occurred to me that Harvey has actually DONE a marathon before ( told you he was a goal - setter ! ) ! ! ! So , he has what it takes to do another one ! But , do I ? ! ) Anyway , we 're in the race . We 're not giving up . We still have a shot ! We are praying now for some " easy runs " in this race . . . : - ) Please pray that we can surgically remove the tumor that is the most aggressive . Pray that we will feel a sense of renewal and energy as we continue this crazy marathon . . . . And , please continue to pray for Harv 's parents and siblings . Pray for safety for his parents around the house , a spirit of cooperation and behaving for Joe . . . wisdom for Peggy as she helps Joe . . . Peace and calm for all of us . Thank you for reading this blog . Thank you for praying for us . Thank you for your support over the past couple of years . WE . LOVE . YOU . We saw Dr . Lin yesterday . Harv 's CEA count hasn 't changed much at all . . . pretty much hovering at the same spot it 's been for a while . All of his other numbers are good . So . . . Dr . Lin kinda shuffled some stuff around for Harv 's next dose of chemo . It 'll either be 5FU or Irinotican as just a shot and then some more immune boosters . So , he 'll do away with the pump - - which Harv will be happy about . It 's possible that we will go the route of radiation beads aimed directly ( and internally ) at the tumor . Or , it 's possible that external radiation will be the next step . OR . . . if we 're reeeeeeaaaaaallly lucky , surgery without radiation . But , in order for that to happen , the tumor ( s ) will need to shrink . Have they not heard me say that before ? ! Do those tumors not understand what is expected of them ? ! They act like children ignoring their mama ! I fussed at Dr . Lin about making such a big deal about Harv 's book and not really being enthusiastic about my helping raise money for research . He smiled a little ( and thought I was crazy , I 'm sure ) and still was more enthusiastic about Harv 's book than my fundraising . : - ) And , when we left our appointment , he tried to sound very pleased about my contributions towards the ONE POINT NINE MILLION DOLLARS that was raised for FRED HUTCH RESEARCHERS . But , I know . . . he 's more impressed with Harv . ; - ) Harv 's dad is heading home from the hospital today . He 's gonna need to behave - - and sometimes he doesn 't . Please pray for Harv 's mom as she becomes " the boss of him " ( JUST KIDDING ! ! ! ) and that it 's a smooth and happy transition for them both . Also , please pray that Harv and his siblings can figure out the best way to help - - and that Harv ALSO behaves with his OWN treatment while helping his parents . Harv had infusion today . . . Trip to Seattle tomorrow to see Dr . Lin . Blood work last week showed a fairly steady ( and unchanged ) CEA count . Today , another drug was added . Goodness gracious we 'd like to see some more progress so that liver surgery can be done . Harv 's feeling okay . He 'll be slightly nauseous and more tired than usual over the next few days , but his spirits are good and we are so thankful that he doesn 't have more severe side effects . In other news , Harv 's dad had a heart attack a little over a week ago . Thankfully , he has been well taken care of since then and is recovering nicely . He and Harv 's mom have been in Kamloops ( about 2 hours from their home ) since last Sunday . Not sure how long he 'll be staying there . Harv and his siblings have been able to " hang " with Joe and Peggy this past week and that 's been good for them all . His dad has made some improvements and has been in good spirits . It is hoped that he will be able to get back home before long . There will need to be a few modifications to the house so that he can get around well and so he can continue to do his many projects . Hopefully , he 'll ease back into those and behave . : - ) Please pray for him and for Peggy as they adjust to things . We have had a lovely fall this year and are thankful for that . Tomorrow we start the 2nd of our 2 round treatment ( this go - round ) . . . And , guess what ? ! We get to do it all in Bellingham ! ! ! We 'll go meet a local doctor ( but Dr . Lin is still overseeing Harv 's treatment plan , etc . ) and then Harv will get hooked up to the pump for two days . Then on Thursday he 'll start with the daily shot regimen for 12 days . We know that the first few shots will be in Bellingham , but insurance has not granted approval for the 2nd type of shots yet . The nurse thought it would happen and we have a few days . Worse case , I suppose , we 'd have to go back to Seattle for those shots . Raney and I got to go to the beach for a few days last week . It was really good for me . I wasted lots of time , walked on the beach , ate some good food , and soaked in the quiet . I was glad to get home , but it was a good thing for me to have that time all by myself . Harv has been trying to get out most days for a short run with Raney . That 's been good for them both . And , the weather has been pretty cooperative . Last Thursday , Harv and I took off for a couple of nights in eastern Washington . It was so nice . . . We took Raney and she got lots of exercise ' cause we went on a few good hikes . . . She liked that , too . It was nice to get away from hospitals and medicine for a little while . Today , we 're back at SCCA so Harv can get hooked up to the pump for 5FU . There has been a mix - up in the orders getting signed and so we 've been waiting for about 2 hours for things to start . ( I don 't like that . ) There 's a possibility that Harv might be able to get some or all of his shots in Bellingham . The pharmacist is working on getting that approved through insurance . Wouldn 't it be fun if everything could / would get approved in time for Harv 's first shot on Thursday ? ! ! ( Good thing to pray about . ) I think having all of that approved and ready to go would be miraculous , but who knows ? ! Miracles DO happen . Not much else to report from us . . . Harv 's hangin ' in there . Celeste is still enjoying her job and gearing up for a couple more classes at Whatcom . Sarah and Hannah are just pluggin ' away at school . They get to go to a cross country meet in Missoula , Montana this weekend . They are pleased that I 'm not going . . . ( They love me , but they 're okay with time away from me . Makes me so proud ! J ) As for our family as a whole : we are still adjusting to this whole little scenario . . . ( Some people adjust better than ( I ) others do . ) Please pray for me to love everyone the way they need it most and for me to rest and heal so that I can be effective at my job of wife , mother , dog - mother , cat - mother , household engineer , etc . , etc . . . And , please pray that everyone in our family feels supported and appreciated . . . It 's kind of amazing how cancer affects so many details in a family 's life . I love Harvey , Celeste , Sarah and Hannah ( and Raney and Reba ) A LOT ! Sometimes I struggle with all the stuff that 's in my brain and my love is poorly demonstrated . BUT ! Love them all , I do ! We did not get the news we were hoping for . . . Dr . Lin said that the CEA count has remained pretty much the same . And , he thinks that it 's because the cancer and the drugs are fighting and it 's kind of like a tie right now . He believes that if we hold off on some of the chemo and just do the immune booster + a little bit of chemo that the immune system will start to gain the upper hand . Some ( sort of ) random thoughts - - Almost two years ago , we weren 't sure what our future looked like . . . Harv had just turned 49 and his prognosis was not pretty . But , we met Dr . Lin and the Seattle Cancer Care Alliance staff and we began the arduous journey to try to rid our lives of cancer . And , we have made some good progress . . . Many rounds of chemo , two surgeries and many trips to and from Seattle . During that time , we were able to take a trip to the Grand Canyon and two trips to the Washington coast and Harv and I were able to go to Maui a couple of times . For most of the past two years , Harv has felt pretty good ( in relation to the fact that he 's been on some form of chemo for most of that time ) . He has set goals and has achieved them . Last summer ( 2012 ) he hiked all the trails of Galbraith . ( Raney remembers those days with fondness : - ) ) And , this winter he wrote a book and had it published . The time he 's had at home to focus on healing has , in fact , I believe , been healing . If I were able to control him , : - ) I would , perhaps , make him drink more water , go to bed earlier , eat somewhat better foods and just sit around idly a little bit more . But , he seems to know what his body needs . . . ( even though I 'm sure I know better . ) We have had some good family times . In many ways , I believe Harv has had the most fun he 's had in all our married days with children . He gets to be at home all the time with all of his girls . A dream he 's had for as long as I 've known him . And , while his brain doesn 't ever turn off , he 's been able to live a relatively stress - free life without having travel or work worries . As for me , I 've tried very hard to learn how to live in , what has come to be , the " new normal . " ( I hate that phrase , by the way . ) Some days I do very well . Other days I 'm awful at it . And , more days than I can count , I struggle internally with just about everything I do or say or don 't do or don 't say . I can 't figure out why it 's been so hard for me . . . There are so many blessings in the midst of our lives . . . DAILY . Still , it has been quite the journey for me . Monday , Harv will turn 51 ! Two years ago , we weren 't sure if we 'd get to celebrate this birthday . But we do ! Yippee ! Next Wednesday he has a CT scan to see if the latest rounds of treatment have made enough of a difference in the tumors that are left in his liver so that he can have another liver surgery . If we got to run the world , we would definitely make sure that those tumors were small enough . ( Well , if we were running the world , nobody would have cancer at all . ) . . . I suppose I 'm praying for a miracle again . ' Cause I really want him to be able to have liver surgery so that we can get rid of most of the tumors that are left in his system . The numbers that we 've seen in recent blood work have not been dramatic so we 're a little bit cautious in our optimism for the possibility of surgery . But we don 't know that it CAN ' T be done yet so I 'm ' onna still pray that it CAN happen . I would love it if you prayed with me . . . Maybe God will get tired of our noise and just give us what we want . : - ) Two years ago I wrote this post ' cause my babies were starting high school . . . This year they will be in the 11th grade ! ! ! Eleventh ! They are sweet and hard - working and lovely human beings . I 'm very thankful for them and I pray these same words once more . Dear Heavenly Father , A " minute " ago , my little babies were heading to kindergarten . Our worlds changed and grew and got more interesting and scary and happy . They loved learning and they made good friends and had wonderful teachers . Tomorrow they start high school . I pray , Father , that their worlds change and get more interesting and a little happier . I also pray that they 'll have opportunities to grow - - sometimes in ways that they wouldn 't choose so they learn how to adapt and move on . I pray that they learn a lot and that their minds grow . I pray that the teachers they have will stretch them in good ways and help them to become all that they can be as life - long learners . I pray that they will learn to work with teachers - - - even if they may not " click " completely . I pray that you will teach them how to resolve any conflicts they may have and that you will give them the gift of diplomacy and a quiet , gentle spirit when dealing with others . And , Father , I pray that you will surround them with good friends . Friends that build them up and encourage them . I pray for friends that may think differently , but have strong , healthy values . I pray for protection for them - - even if they might make bad choices . I pray for wisdom and kindness and trustworthiness for them and for the friends they make . I pray that they will love high school and that they will each - - separately - - find their niche . That you will guide them now towards the things that they will do later in life . And , I pray that you will give them lots of successes with just a sprinkling of disappointments to keep them balanced and real . I pray , too , Father , for me and Harvey . I pray that you will give us wisdom , kindness , diplomacy and a quiet , gentle , supportive and loving spirit . What blessings you have given me in these sweet " little " girls . Please help me to be just what they need in a mama as they start high school and throughout their lives . Today we met with Charlie Pietrick , a nurse practitioner at SCCA . He did a lot of review of what 's happening with Harv - - as in questions , etc . He prescribed a low dose of blood pressure medicine to help with those numbers a little bit . We 'll still have to monitor it to make sure that the blood pressure meds + the injections don 't lower his blood pressure too much . Have I mentioned that I 'm a little tired of the Seattle trips ? There are oh , so many good things about this journey . . . Harv and I have had LOTS of time together . We 've gotten to explore Seattle and get to know it a little better . We 've met wonderful people at SCCA who have taken and are taking care of us . I love seeing patients who are maintaining a cheerful disposition in spite of treatment . And , friends in Seattle have been generous with their time and resources . But , I tell you what ! I do not love seeing sick little children and people so tired and sick that they must be in a wheelchair . I do not love seeing fear and uncertainty in the faces of young couples as they start their own journey . I do not love seeing older people come in with their family members and face the unknown . And , I do not love all of the unknowns when it comes to our family either . We have not been given reason NOT to continue to hope and so we will keep on hoping for progress in his treatment and for success in the outcome . As always , the support and encouragement from our family and friends is a major part of the success we 've seen so far . Thank you for loving us . When you have chemo every - other week it 's amazing how fast those weeks can go by . . . This Thursday will be the third in the three round series . . . We show up early Thursday morning for blood - work and chemo later in the afternoon . Last time , there was SLIGHT improvement in CEA count , but not huge . We are hoping that this time there will be marked improvement in the numbers . . . . So , that after this round of chemo , Harv will be ready for liver surgery # 2 . I am pooped . ( And , I 'm not even the patient ! ) I am so ready to have a break from trips to Seattle . ( And , Harv 's the one who has to go everyday ! ) I keep kickin ' and screamin ' for " normal " but it ain 't happ ' nin ' ! This morning , I read the following while I sipped my coffee . It kinda hit me . I don 't totally feel this way right now , but I think you 've heard me say that there have been many times when I want to throw myself on the floor and kick and scream so that things can be the way I want them to be . And yet . . . I know there 's a bigger plan . Thank you , again , for the many ways you have supported and continue to support our family . To avoid the mission God had given him in Nineveh , Jonah tried sailing to Tarshish . Yet God has his own unique ways of getting us where he wants us to be . So Jonah got to ride back to Nineveh inside the belly of a great fish . The three days he spent in that fish did wonderful things for his prayer life , which may have been more important to God than getting Jonah to the right place . It is easy to get lost in the critical debates about whether or not this story really happened , but that misses the point of the Scripture . Sure , I think it could have happened . God can do whatever he wants . The real question , though , is not whether it did happen , but whether it does happen . Do people still start off in one direction , then get swallowed up in something awful , only to discover that the crisis has actually brought them to the right place with God ? You bet that happens . I see it all the time . Sooner or later , we all spend time in the belly of Sheol . It 's the place where you thought you were going to die , or maybe even the place where you wished you would die . It 's so dark there that you can 't find any reason to keep hoping . Now you are at the hardest part of the story to believe . Is God really using this for good ? Absolutely . Your ability to see that , however , will depend completely on your prayer life while you 're riding around in Sheol . Pretty good chemo day . . . Harv is pooped , but feels relatively normal . Thanks for your continued support and prayers . Two days with a pump and then a few more days without having to go to Seattle . Weeeee haw ! Today was a success ! Harv caught the early bus and arrived just in time to take a city bus to SCCA . . . He was in and out of his appointment in no time . Caught another city bus back to the bus station and enjoyed a cup of coffee and lunch before the return bus brought him back home . Yesterday Harv and I decided that we didn 't want to stay in a hotel anymore so I checked bus schedules and discovered that there was availability on the Tuesday bus to Seattle . It was at that moment that we decided to check out of the hotel early and come home after this morning 's appointment . We are home . Ahhhhhhhhh ! Harv will ride the bus down tomorrow for his shot and then ride home in the afternoon . We are hoping for no delays in either the bus trip down or the appointment . He has only a small window between appointment and catching the bus for home at 1 : 00 . Please pray for smooth everything tomorrow . He 'll drive down on Wednesday morning because the appointment is too early for the bus to take him . . . And , then , Thursday we 're back to an infusion day . Things have gone well overall , but he still has a rash on his stomach where the first few injections were given . He 's using Benadryl cream and ice packs to relieve that . His blood pressure is borderline hypertensive , but not in the dangerous area . Just need to keep an eye on it . I would appreciate prayer for a little bit of peace and rest . I feel a little bit " keyed up , " as my mother used to say . Neither of us has slept really well lately , but I have a feeling that some of the reason is just ' cause we 're gettin ' older . : - / Whatever the reason , I sure would love to wake up feeling really rested and refreshed . Friday , Harv had his treatment and then we moved out of our 2nd home away from home . . . It was a lovely place and so generous of our friends to let us stay there . Later in the day , we went to the Obliteride venue to pick up my packet for the ride . The festivities that evening included a couple of acts that were great ! One , was a guy named Mike Brookshire , a Georgia boy ! ! He sang some good country songs and he also sang " Dixie . " I didn 't know that song moved me as much as it did , but I kinda felt like I was in church singin ' that song . : - ) And , then Michael Franti and Spearhead performed . They got the crowd jumpin ' and dancin ' and havin ' fun with beach balls . Yesterday , I rode my bike for 25 miles ( 34 , if you count the ride to and from the event ) to raise money for Fred Hutchinson Research Center . . . So far , the event has raised over 1 . 4 million dollars ! It was a well - organized ride ( there was a 25 , 50 , 100 and 180 - mile ride for people to choose from ) . A couple of things that impress me : ( 1 ) ALL of the money that was raised by riders is going to research ! ! ALL OF IT ! ( 2 ) Someone ( I can 't remember his name ) donated $ $ for FIVE years of Obliteride so that we can continue to provide " The Hutch " with research $ $ . For the next five years , all ( as in , 100 % ! ! ) of the $ $ raised by riders will go to research so that they can find a way to obliterate cancer ! Thank you , again , to all of you who gave to this cause . Somehow , someday there will be an end to cancer . An END ! ! ! NADA . ZIP . ZERO . Sounds good , doesn 't it ? ! When the ride was over and I was back at the hotel , I was WHOOPED . Partially , it was emotional . And , as you might 've guessed , it was also physical exhaustion . Harv and I are kinda ready to be back in Bellingham . We think we 've figured out a way for him to make the daily " shot trips " down on his own . We have some investigation to do about public transportation in Seattle , but I think it 's gonna work well . And , while he 's handled the shots well , he has experienced some high blood pressure ( which I don 't like ) and an itchy rash around the injection site . The rash was sort of expected . The blood pressure thing was not . The nurses don 't seem too concerned . They 're keeping an eye on it and we 're waiting to hear back from Dr . Lin about what , if anything , to do about it . But , I 'm sayin ' a prayer that it gets straightened out . Harv started the new injection yesterday . . . So far , so good with the last set of shots and the first one from yesterday . . . Still praying for no side effects for the remainder of this set . ( Last day - - the 14th . New round of chemo on the 15th ) They had a great trip and I 'm so happy they were able to go . I think they grew up a little bit . . . which makes me nostalgic , but not sad . They met some nice people and did some good things and lots of fun things . But I will say that I am hap - hap - happy that they 're home ! And , while we 've been here , Celeste has been holding down the fort in Bellingham . . . Yesterday , she called to let us know that a proof of Harv 's book arrived . We FaceTimed about it : Harv slept well last night and woke up feeling pretty good . In fact , he 's felt pretty well for most of the days . We are hoping that he continues to feel well and experiences little to no side effects . In addition ! We are hoping that the drugs are shrinking the tumors in his liver and that he 'll be able to have surgery to remove any tumors that might be there . daughter , sister , wife , mother , friend . . . Food might be my biggest hobby , though I love to write , enjoy walking and spending time with friends . Born in Atlanta , GA , I now live in the Pacific northwest ( in one of the most beautiful places in the world ) with my husband , our 3 girls , amazing dog and two young kitties ♥ View my complete profile
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After a trip to the mall : Me : " Can you hand me the C . O . Bigelow that we just bought ? " Him : " What does that mean ? " Me : " BWAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAA ! ! ! ! ! ! ! " Him : " Seriously , what ? " Me : Apparently you don 't speak lip - gloss . " If you are also saying " huh ? " right now , go here : CO Bigelow . Last night , I headed to Nordstrom Rack to find a big suitcase for our trip to Florida in two weeks . I found one that was reasonably priced and snagged it . I get home , all happy about my $ 100 suitcase and I go to open the thing . Much to my surprise there was 3 other things inside . A smaller suitcase , a carry - on bag and a toiletry bag . You would have thought I had just won the lottery from the loud shriek that I let out when I realized this discovery . I always complain about the labels at Nordstrom Rack . First , you see the retail price , then you see the Nordstrom sticker , then the damn clearance sticker and then a 35 % off sticker . What the hell is the price already ? ? It drives me nuts . But , last night my complaints came to a head . Because of the poor marking of the price , I thought I was getting 1 suitcase for $ 99 . 97 when really I got 4 . Stupid price tags . The other day , I emailed Corinne in a tizzy about all of my frustrations . Her response was that I am not eating enough . WHA ? ? ? Really ? ? Cool ! ! So , I am instructed to eat all of my flex points , but divvy them out each day . I also have to eat all of my activity points . SWEET ! More eating . My favorite thing to do . So , yeah . . . I knew there was something going on . And this whole time , I thought I was doing myself a favor by not eating flex points and activity points . Oops . My bad . My good internet buddy , Laura , kicked me into gear today . I have neglected you sweet , sweet blog . And I am sorry . I have been a little frustrated so far this week . I have been eating on plan , exercising my keister off , and today , after a long break from the scale , I got on it . And I saw what I didn 't want to see . A maintain . Talk about frustration ! ! My goal was to be down 30 lbs by the time I was in my best friend 's wedding in November . Here we are , two weeks from the wedding and I am down 15 lbs . A disaster in my book . This has not happened anything like I thought it would . The first time I joined Weight Watchers Online was in March of 2004 . I had just gone on a birthday shopping trip in Chicago with my mom and sisters , and decided that I wanted to finally get in shape for our pending September wedding . I journaled , but not nearly as religiously as I am now . I don 't even know my exact starting weight and ending weight . I have some scribbles here and there that say I started somewhere around 202 . 5 and ended somewhere in the low 180 's . I got thinking about that journey and how different it is from this one . Here is why : - - - My husband pointed out that my body , even though it is heavier than when I started in 2004 ( 202 . 5 lbs ) , it is a much different body . The working out has been religious for the past several months . When I was 202 . 5 in 2004 , I was a flabby mess . I am still a bit of a flabby mess , but I am MUCH more toned even at 210 lbs . ( Aside . . . my friends swear I am lying about my weight , but when you are 6 ' tall you disperse your weight much differently ! It 's a bit of a boost to hear that there is ' NO WAY that I weigh THAT MUCH . ' ) - - - This time the journey is FOREVER . It was spawned by a wedding , yes , but it was also started as a result of wanting to be healthy for my future pregnancies , and my future family . - - - I have expanded my exercise routines immensely . All I did the first time around was walk , and do the Power 90 DVD 's at home . That was it . I think this is part of my frustration . Because I am working SO MUCH 2 There was no weigh in today . I am taking a break from the scale . I did however want to report that since August 10 , I have lost another 6 . 5 inches off of my body . 3 inches were straight off my belly ! It 's amazing how the scale doesn 't move , but the inches are coming off . Things are shifting and I feel a ton better than I did 2 months ago . This is why I decided to take the break from the scale . I just won 't let it get me down ! I have also been running in conjunction with my Phit - n - Phat routines and I think I am slowly starting to love running . I am doing the Couch to 5k program from Cool Running . This week I logged 8 miles ! ! I am mostly run / walking but it still feels great ! Walking just wasn 't cutting it anymore . Last week , while staying at my parents house , I noticed a really cool set of dumbells in my their room . They were Bowflex Dumbells and they are so cool . They adjust up to 52 . 5 lbs and we are outgrowing our 10lb weights , so we splurged on them . I am really excited about these ! ! I am really noticing my muscles taking shape thanks to the PNP routines . Specifically my arms . One thing I love about this thing is watching those muscles really start to take shape . Corinne wants before and after photos and that is my motivation to give it my all during my workouts ! Weigh in will resume next Friday . Confession Time : I have a lead foot . I like to drive my car . . . and fast . I think it 's a trait I inherited from my Dad . Not the lead foot , but the appreciation of a good engine . He is a car connoisseur of sorts , and he loves nice cars . He , however , does not have the lead foot that his daughter does . I even have to admit that I have a teeny tiny bit of road rage . Everyday , I take the same highway from start to finish . It takes me about 25 minutes to get to work . 30 minutes if I am going the set speed limit of 70 mph . I know where the cops hide out and when to slow down as I am approaching one of these said hiding spots . I have to preface what I am about to say , with the fact that I have never been in an accident , I have had two tickets in my entire 12 year driving career and I think of myself as a pretty good driver . However , yesterday the lead foot was busted . I was clocked going 88 in a 70 mph zone . Even worse , it was a Michigan State Police officer . I knew right away he had me , and I conceded right before he had turned on his flashers . I pulled over , he made small talk with me about the hyphenation of my name ; most likely to find out if I had been drinking . I was polite , he asked about my driving record , which I was happy to report was very good . About 5 minutes passed , and at that moment I realized that he was going to let me go . I couldn 't believe it . I never catch a break like this , and frankly , he should have nailed me for how fast I was traveling . But , he didn 't . I started crying ! He asked if I was okay , and I said that he was so kind and we both went our separate ways ; with my opinion of state cops , forever changed . Lesson learned : The lead foot needs to be downgraded , and I need to slow down . And I am going to take his advice and do just that . They have determined that Curtis ' heart and brain are fine . His Holter Monitor test came back perfectly . No abnormalities , blockages or other weird things going on in there . Then he had a CT scan . Again , nothing abnormal or weird there , either . Then this morning he met with a cardiologist and they determined it is indeed vasovagal syncope . They told him it was time to hydrate himself nice and good , and lay off the caffeine too . Things we have been working on for months now during our healthy journey . I just wanted to say a quick little something about him . This whole thing has really made me realize how much I love this man . He is my rock and my best friend . Without him , I am not quite sure where I would be today . Whenever we have a health scare or something that might threaten to split up our love , we are suddenly brought to this place . This place of knowing how deeply we care for one another . I love him more than anything and I want to be sure he will be around for a long , long time . We have had a fun time with this fainting thing . I have tried to remain overtly positive through this whole thing . Not wanting to think the worst at all , until it was confirmed . I think he has gotten used to the jokes that he gets about it , and I want to say how much of a good sport he has been . He has never freaked out about this , ( not like I did in the beginning ! ! ) and has remained the strong man that I know him to be . I know it 's hard for him to admit weakness , and I thank him for keeping me grounded until we knew the results . I love you babe , even if you are a fainter . ; o ) Bachelorette parties for your best girlfriends are so . much . fun . My good buddy , Kera , who is getting married in Florida in less than a month , had to have a party . We couldn 't let her get married without a bash first . And bash we did . Saturday morning we headed out to Chicago for this grand affair . It was a nice fall day , a great day for a drive . The city was booming , just waiting for 15 girls to take the town on . My friend Katie , has a gorgeous house right in Bucktown . Trendy shops and fabulous restaurants , all line the city streets . Five of us headed out , 4 girls and one adorable 9 month - old boy to check out the shops , get our nails done and putz around before the big night . What a relaxing day , and what a perfect day to do it . We then headed out for some fun . First it was presents and hors 'd oeuvres , then we headed out to dinner . We ended up at a drag show , in a place called the Kit - Kat Club . It was such a blast ! ! The perfect place to have a bachelorette party . The guys . . . . err , I mean , girls , put on quite the show ! ! ! Then it was out for more club hopping and then back to Katie 's where we all conked out from our fun evening . I think Kera had a good time . . . you be the judge . We are staying at my parents house , and have been for the last 2 nights . We are watching the " little " kids while my parents are in Chicago for the week . The thing is , that they aren 't so little anymore ! ! It 's totally weird staying at my parent 's house . I don 't really know why , but it hit me that it just feels weird to be there . And spending the night ? Even weirder . My 10 year high - school reunion is coming up which means I have not really stayed there for more than 10 years . It doesn 't feel like home in the way that it once did . My room is now bogged down with loads and loads of technological gadgets ; it 's now known as Dad 's office . It 's crazy . I sat in there last night , while Mary was playing on the new I - Mac and stared up at the skylight . The same window I used to look out at while laying in my bed , plotting my escape from that house . I never wanted so badly to move out and go and do my own thing , and now after spending a few nights there , I realize how much I miss that house . It was home for so many years . So many laughter - filled evenings , dinners at the table with the entire family ( all 8 of us at that time . . . now there is 11 and one on the way ) . The sound of little kids voices , the piano lessons directed by mom first thing on a Saturday morning ( Part of the reason for my escape ! ! ) , the running feet ( we never walked . . . ever ! ) , the smell of dinner cooking on the stove . It all comes back to me in this place . As I sit here , watching the deer out the back window , hearing the scratch of the dogs paws on the door ( let me in ! ! ) , the memories rush in . It 's hard to believe that a family that was once all piled into this house , is now so separate . We are adults , some of us are still molding into being them . My parents are now grandparents . The little kids aren 't little anymore . One is off at college , and the other two are almost there . I used to sit back and think about things like " Well , when I am 30 , Mary will be graduating from highschool " , and it seemed so distant . So far off , as if it might never happen . And here we a3 I had a loss this week of 3 whopping pounds ! ! I actually weighed in yesterday , as we are staying at my parents house , watching the little ( BIG ) kids . Back to the scale and it 's power over me . . . . I weighed in again last Saturday , after seeing a 2 . 1 pound gain on Friday , and you know what I saw ? A 4 pound loss . One day made all the difference . Being a woman , makes the scale war even harder . We are constantly battling the ocean of water within us . That constant bloat feeling that comes and gos throughout the week . For me , it 's a daily thing . The sodium intake for example , is a huge catalyst to retaining water . However , I can limit my sodium intake , and still see that water weight hanging around like the elephant in the room . My point is this . As a woman , we have to understand the chemistry of our bodies . That our husbands might lose at a much quicker rate , and hey , that 's okay . We have to be patient with our metabolisms , fire them as much as we can by getting up and moving , and just remember , that self defeating ourselves gets us nowhere . I thought about how frustrated I was last week , and then I stepped up on the scale a day later and voila ! Poof ! It was gone . Keeping a positive outlook on this whole thing , is what gets me to a 3 pound loss the next week . So , this week , it 's on again ! I am going to fight the fat , and stay on plan all week . And I will not let the scale , or the the water get me down . If you would like to read a neat - o post about the scale , go here . My friend Katie , at Sister Skinny put this link in my comments and it made so much sense for me . Maybe it will for you too . I haven 't been feeling myself this week . I think I caught that nasty stomach bug that 's going around . I woke up this morning and noticed how beautiful of a day it was out there . As I was eating my breakfast , I again looked out the window at our 50 degree , fall ( FINALLY ! ) day and I saw this : That is how you know it 's going to be a good day . And it has been ever since . I gained this week . 2 . 1 pounds . Blech . I am mad . I don 't understand this . I had a stressful week , but looking back on my journal , I didn 't over eat ( or drink ) . I worked out and earned the most activity points I have earned since I started this thing , and I gained ? ? It must be bloat . I mean , it has to be . On the other hand , I am taking measurements tomorrow ( no time this morning ) and will report back on those . I am feeling much lighter in my clothes , and losing inches . I can feel it . My workouts are also getting easier for me , which means I am improving my fitness level which is what the goal is here . I want to talk a little bit about small victories . I won 't let the scale rule this thing for me . This is a healthy journey that will last a lifetime . I am already 11 . 3 pounds lighter and that is something to be very proud of . ( thanks for the boost this morning honey ! ) I don 't think that we pay enough attention to the small victories that we have over the course of this journey . It could even be that you took a multi - vitamin every day , or you drank all of your water for that day . It can also mean saying " no " to the bagel from Panera that is in the break room right now ( I said " no " very sternly to it this morning ! ) . We have to pat ourselves on the back for the small things that are leading us further down this path to a healthy and fit body and mind . OK , that was my pep talk for the week ! Back on track , and not letting that scale rule this thing for me ! ! We have a sort - of diagnosis from the doctor . They are calling it vasovagal syncope . Read about it here . I am mostly relieved because it sounds like this is something that is very treatable . His nervous system is overproducing adrenaline and under producing the hormone that calms you down . If you know Curtis , he is one of the most laid back dudes you will ever meet , but that isn 't stopping his system from having these internal panic attacks . I would have never pegged him as the anxious type , but something isn 't clicking . The next course of action is a tilt table test , a CT scan and a Holter monitor , which will track his heart rate for 24 hours . Basically , the doctor told him he needs to chill out a little bit , which is good , because I have been saying the same thing for awhile now . I am just so thrilled that we have some answers and we can get on the path to preventing these things from happening . Thanks again for all of your thoughts and prayers ! ! Last Friday night , I had the pleasure of attending a play here in town . A play that I have been following for a little while , very eager to see how it all fell together on the stage . Curtis attended it with me , along with another married couple that we are friends with . Now , from the subject line , I am sure you are wondering what two married couples could possibly want to know about gay Christians . Why would we attend this play ? My answer , is that for some time now , I have struggled with understanding how gays play a role in the Christian faith . For a long time , I myself even shunned them away . I didn 't think they belonged in the church . After all , God says so in the Bible , right ? From my research , and from my grasping hard at trying to understand all of this , I have learned to have a lot of compassion towards the LGBT ( lesbian , gay , bi , transgendered ) group in regards to the Christian faith . These are people , struggling with something not that they chose to be a part of . This is a part of them , a part of the person that was so fearfully and wonderfully made . They are God 's children , just like you and me . So , why has the Christian church so forcefully pushed them away ? ? A professor from Calvin College , is the one with the vision for this play . They formed a committee , and chose seven passages from the Bible , that all condemn gays in some way shape or form . They then set out on a mission to interview as many LGBT Christians as they could . The result was amazing . A very moving , captivating performance with each actor taking on the identity of a few of the interviewed . The play is comprised of their words . Their words about the scripture and it 's translation , their words about their struggle , their words about their faith . I cried , I laughed , but most importantly I learned a lot . Those that know me , know that I have compassion so deeply implanted into my soul . It is this compassion that I know we need to see more of in the church . It is this compassion that God would want us to have . I will not go into all of my person1 comments I have been very fond of the Dove products and their ad campaign for quite some time now . . . . but this video , makes me love them even more . This is from their website : " Half of girls in grades 3 - 5 worry about their appearance . Here are several hundred reasons why : " This video moved me . . . moved me to take action , to raise my children and my niece in any way to not allow the eating disorder and appearance issues to set in . Society and cultural ' norms ' need to let go of it 's grasp on us . . . . and any media campaign that is effective , is one I will plug here . Dad , maybe I am a radical , but hopefully I can be one for positive change . It was a wonderful weekend , that ended so horribly . For the second time , Curtis has had a fainting episode . Once was no big deal . Off to the doctor he went , to find out his triglycerides , glucose and cholesterol levels were all high . We have been making adjustments to his diet . No refined sugars , flours . . . lots and lots of exercise . This Weight Watchers thing has played in very nicely , until Sunday night . We were in the movie theater , watching Knocked Up , engaging each other in laughter , when I looked over and knew exactly what was going on . See , this happened once before about 2 months ago . He could no longer engage me except for with a nod of his head , and I immediately went into action . I asked the gentleman behind me ( oh , he was so kind ! I wish I could thank him now ) to help me and he ran to get the manager . I picked up the soda , and began to pat his face with ice . " Wake up . . . please , wake up ! ! " Finally , he did . In a daze , and not knowing what had just happened , or where we were , we walked out of the theater . And then I threw up . . . I was just so scared . There is nothing more freaky than watching your spouse pass out right in front of you . And the worst part , is that we now know this is a problem . One time was acceptable , but two times is not . I fear this is diabetes , although my Dad would be telling me that I am not the doctor , so don 't go diagnosing him ! ! It has to have something to do with his blood sugar , because when it happened the first time , I don 't think he had eaten enough . This time , he was mowwing down on Skittles and Butterfinger in the movie theater . Keep him in your thoughts and prayers . And if you are a family member , and we have not told all of this to you yet , I apologize for you having to read it here . We are still waiting on a diagnosis from the doctor 's office .
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Here 's a photo of our Christmas Loot . Before you start thinking that my kids are super - spoiled , let me just say that both of my brothers , their wives , my parents , and my grandparents all squeeze into my living room on Christmas . That totals 12 people , and there are no giving restrictions , so everyone has gifts for everyone else . It 's a lot . That really big box on the left ? It 's a drill press for my dad . He was about as excited as dads get - which is not very - but secretly , I know he was jumping up and down , clapping his hands and squealing . But - imagine being a kid and waking up to that ! Wow ! As you can see , we gave the kids new bikes . But the BIG deal was that we built them a new playground in our backyard . We managed to mostly keep this a secret as the guys built this during the two days before Christmas . Then we led them on a treasure hunt on Christmas morning , and wound up in the back yard where all the grown - ups were waiting ON the playground ( up in the forts , on the swings , etc . . . ) It was really cool . This was their Jesus ' Birthday present - that 's something we do every year . It 's always something hand - made , and usually something really big and cheap . This year 's was big anyway . One year , we made a puppet theater out of PVC pipe , one year I made a chalkboard out of a huge slab of plywood . . . . you get the picture . The Christmas season is a month - long ritual in our family . There are traditions that happen throughout the season . We watch White Christmas ( Sigh - Bing makes me swoon ) , we give Jesus a birthday present ( usually something like buying toys for needy kids ) , the girls buy Christmas jammies , the boys buy new tools and put up lights , we have a whole day dedicated to baking cookies . . . . . it 's so much fun ! But the truth is , every year as I put up the tree , I struggle with reconciling the celebration to the meaning of the holiday . I mean , we all know that Jesus wasn 't born on December 25th , and for some reason , that always bothers me . Doesn 't it bother you , too ? I 'm not going to go crazy and stop celebrating Posted by If you haven 't figured it out by now , or if you didn 't already know , my family celebrates the start of each new season . I think it 's a great way for my kids to be aware of their environment , to give praise to the Creator , and to learn the stories He tells us through the seasonal cycles . So , today is the Winter Solstice - the first day of winter . This one usually gets lost in the shuffle of Christmas , to be honest . We have so many special things that we do for the other seasons , but I have struggled with this one . I have managed a traditional breakfast , though , as pictured above . Just in case they are too crude to decipher , they are donut snowmen . My black icing was a little drippy this year , and their heads all fell off before I took this picture ( on my dirty countertop - see earlier post about holiday house cleaning ) , smearing the black gel everywhere . But , they are still snowmen - stacked up proudly on their white plates . The kids are currently devouring them at a very messy table . When I am busy , Emma helps herself to the art supplies and leaves paper mess everywhere , but mostly at the kitchen table . She is even messier than I am . We 'll make snowflakes later - sometime between the last - minute errands and supposed house - cleaning . Ha ! That always gets moved to tomorrow 's list . Anyway , we have been ravaged by influenza this week . The kids have both had it , and I seem to be fighting it off ( sore throat and fatigue , but it hasn 't gotten serious . . . . ) . Andrew has been VERY sick - 103 fever and higher . We thought he was better yesterday , as his fever left for nearly 24 hours , then he spiked back up again last night , causing much maternal concern . He seems fine this morning , but we 're going to take it easy . This will make it a little easier to fit paper snowflake cutting into our day . Some years , that gets set aside and the donut snowmen are the only thing that marks the change of season ! Poor kids ( insert sarcastic smirk ) . DAILY BLISS : eating cheap powdered sugar donuts and Reese 's Peanut Butter Cups for breakfast . < 3 ChPosted by I am SO pleased to say that grades are in and I am officially DONE with this semester of seminary . Also pleased to say that my most challenging class surrendered an A . Ironically , I had some less challenging classes that weren 't so kind , but that 's probably because mommies who go to school full time let things slip . . . and this mom let a lot of things slip , especially in those " no - brain " classes . But a passing grade is a passing grade and I have learned to be happy with that . My inner geek is pacified with getting an A where it counts . Rationalization , maybe , but hey . . . . it helps me somehow ! ! I have yet to register for next semester . I 'm eyeing one class : Survey of Feminist Theology , but that 'll probably be all I tackle this spring . I just about put myself out of my mind this semester , and I 'm determined to learn my lesson and take it down a notch or two . Otherwise , I 'll be blogging from a hospital somewhere if they 'll untie my straight jacket . I 'm actually enjoying getting back to my life . As my load lightens mentally , I 'm actually finding I forgot how I enjoy normal stuff like making cookies and Christmas candy , and making my bed . This Christmas will be our first spent just us four . I 'm making my final trip to Wal - mart today to get all the groceries I need to make my Granny 's dressing and all the other traditional eats my family has always had . I may not be able to see their faces , but thank God I learned how to duplicate what they will be tasting ! ! Goes to show what a comfort food can be . . . my hips are also evidence of that fact . I may be a city girl now , but there 's an iron skillet on my stovetop , seasoned nice and black , and I KNOW how to use it . Haven 't forgotten where I came from . I have vivid memories of watching my mom and my Granny make food as a kid . Granny used to mix up the dressing with her hands . She made biscuits that way too . Guess it 's the time of year , or all these food memories , but I miss her more than usual . Mackenzie was just a toddler when she went to heaven . I can 't help wondering what she Posted by Today is the third Sunday of Advent , and the third candle is the Shepherd candle , sometimes called the Joy candle . We read over the shepherds ' story in Luke chapter 2 ( I think it 's verses 12 - 20 , but I 'm not positive . . . . ) , and I discovered this year that I really like those guys ! Having recently read The Barbarian Way , I feel I can say that the shepherds were barbarians . They were the social outcasts . Not only were they just low - class and un - cool , they weren 't even able to follow the prescribed rituals of righteousness . So , they were unclean - physically and spiritually . It 's safe to say that the shepherds didn 't fit in . But the truth is , I 've heard that sermon before . Lots of times . I 've heard about how they were outsiders and how the angelic announcement to their pastoral assembly is symbolic of the fact that God 's message is for the everyman . Don 't get me wrong - I really like this sermon . I 've just heard it before . But a few new things struck me this time around . They ran straightaway to find Jesus . They didn 't stop and pick up a baby gift at the Bethlehem Wal - Mart ( I 'm sure they wouldn 't have shopped at Macy 's ) . They didn 't think about grabbing food for their trip , or whether they would be welcome by a new mother who had never met them before . They were outcasts , so they were not concerned with social protocol . They just ran for it ! I love that ! I hope that I would run with abandon and without thought at the promise of meeting my Savior too ! And that 's another thing - I know the angels told them and all , but they went running toward a promise - to a hope . Verse 20 says , " The sheepherders returned and let loose , glorifying and praising God for everything they had heard and seen . It turned out exactly the way they 'd been told ! " It seems like it wasn 't until they came back that they fully realized it was all true - almost like there could have been some doubt - and then they partied . They weren 't even really sure what would be waiting for them in Bethlehem . They probably couldn 't comprehend it - but they ran to fiPosted by This morning , we had breakfast with Santa . Apparently , he has a thing for Chick - fil - a . We got a call from my brother ( who works for Chick - fil - a ) asking if we were going to be bringing the kids to the breakfast with Santa this year . I said I hadn 't paid any attention and didn 't know when it was . He told me it was tomorrow morning ( he called last night at 10 PM , so he didn 't say it was this morning at the time ) . Well , this is a ticketed event , and we were utterly unprepared , but he is well connected . He was in management at this store for a while , so he decided to meet us there for breakfast and get the kids in . I must say that Emma was way more excited than Drew . Drew is getting to be much too big for this sort of thing - not that he believed in Santa to begin with , but the pretending is beginning to wear on him . We didn 't tell them , though , until we were there and Santa and Mrs . Claus walked in . Since we were early , the Clauses came right over to our table and started talking to the kids . Mrs . Claus told Emma she loved her pretty hair ( a sure - fire way to win Emma 's affection ) , and loved her outfit . Drew played along and was nice . Welllll , he was nice , anyway . So , here are a couple of photos : DAILY BLISS : I got invited to a Christmas party ! We had a good time , too - made some new friends . < 3 Christy At a time when I seem to be unable to say nothing right or even very nice to anybody , I spent the evening conversing with my precious daughter . The world always seems to be good again when you look into her eyes . I didn 't have to step on eggshells and wonder whether what I said or almost said was offensive , irritable , rude , or ugly . It 's impossible to be any of those things to her . She 's the sunshine , the blooming flowers . I heard the whole scoop on the day in kindergarten , from who was absent to the fact that they didn 't get to have recess because the weather was " nasty . " I know how many worksheets she did in the morning and that she saw her brother for a second when they stepped outside to say the Pledge of Allegiance . I haven 't figured out exactly why they step outside for this . I suppose it 's because the flag is out there . The boys have a tradition during Christmas that they call " tool day . " They started this because the girls did an annual Christmas jammie day ( when we all get to buy new Christmas jammies ) and they all felt a little left out . So , on the day that they put up the lights on all four family homes in town , they also go to the big boy toy store ( where the people wear orange aprons ) and pick out a new tool . Then they go out to eat meat . Usually barbecue . Anyhoo , the boys were going out , and their day didn 't coincide with jammie day this year , so Emma and I went out to dinner ourselves . It was delightful , even if the wait for a table was much longer than any Wednesday should call for . What a lift for me . Lovely company and delightful conversation . We came home and turned off the lights , plugged in the Christmas tree and just looked at it . She was telling me which ornaments held the most joy . The winner was the Bethlehem one because it told about Jesus . Second place went to the " pure " ones - white ones , I guess - because baby Jesus was pure . Honestly - she made this up on her own ! I just love it . DAILY BLISS : singing Christmas songs in the car with my kids < 3 Christy Pour yourself a glass of . . . something , and celebrate ! ! ! Took my last final exam yesterday , and this horrid semester of seminary is history . THANKYA JESUS ! The relief was greater with every paper I turned in , and though I have one or two loose ends to tie up this week , classes and tests are officially OVER . Feels so good to be out from underneath that weight . I can already feel the rest of my life crowding in for attention . Somehow , I gotta find a way to revel in this ! My neuroses tend to keep me wound up tight looking for the next achievement . But , know what ? WHO is asking me to run around like a crazy woman trying to be super special ? ? NOBODY BUT ME , that 's who ! ! ! Time to step back and take an inventory . I 've become so overloaded , mentally , emotionally , and physically , that I don 't even know which way 's up anymore . Time to dump out the basket that is me and figure out what I 'm carrying around that doesn 't really need to be in there , what is it I WANT to be carrying , and how do I lighten the load ? The last couple of months have been hellish inside for me . But hey , let 's lift our celebratory glass of whatever and toast the fact that I no doubt surface from the yuckiness with a different perspective . So maybe the next time you see a ridiculously happy woman skip by with a basket of perfect weight loaded up only with what she loves , that 'll be me ! This is starting to unravel , and I 'm not sure it makes sense anymore . so . . . . CHEERS ! ! ! ! ! Becky Well , I 've got nothing too exciting to say , as you already know if you read the title . DAILY BLISS : Buying new jeans in a size smaller than usual . It 's not that I 'm a size smaller or anything . They must just run big . < 3 Christy I hate the endless erranding and mindless purchasing this time of year . Why can 't it just be quiet and magic and stillness and beauty for four weeks straight ? You know - as soon as you 're done eating Thanksgiving dinner , a hush settles over the room and quite suddenly , the magic of Christmas appears and lingers over one 's head for the entire holiday season . I guess I find myself frustrated at my year - after - year inability to achieve that perfection . But I also find that I have to write things like that to remind myself of just how unrealistic that is . Seeing it in concrete form makes it seem even more ludicrous . Though this is the Christmas season , there are still birthday parties to go to , porches to paint and groceries to buy . I guess it just stinks to be a grown - up this time of year . Nobody hands you glue , glitter and scissors and asks you to make pretty snowflakes . Instead , you have to make sure Junior and Little Miss have hand - made gifts to pass out to classmates , friends and family , along with the incredible , " easy , " hand - made gifts from the kitchen that you are also supposed to hand out from yourself to all the people I just mentioned . The truth is , though , I don 't know anybody that really expects that . We all think that everybody does , but " everybody " is such a vague acquaintance . Who are those people ? Some people think that 's who I am . I think I 've decided to destroy their foolish illusions this year . Nobody 's gettin ' ANYTHING homemade from me this Christmas . Unless you happen to stop by my house on the 23rd . That 's when I 'll be baking Christmas cookies . I always like company in the kitchen , and you are welcome to pull up a chair , have a warm cookie and some hot tea or coffee and visit while I have fun . But don 't expect that it 's going to be clean yet . I 'll clean on Christmas Eve . It hasn 't happened since before Thanksgiving , and I don 't expect it to happen anytime soon . How do you like that , " everybody ? " DAILY BLISS : Being almost done with my shopping and being really excited about what I decided to give myPosted by Well , I took my kids to their first show at a bar last night . But wait ! ! Don 't judge me ! My brother is in this band , Copeland , and they mostly play in places that you just can 't bring the kids . Well , due to that , Chris and I don 't get to see them play very often . They had a show scheduled for the House of Blues in Orlando ( which is really nicer than just a bar ) and we really wanted to go , but couldn 't find a sitter for something that late , and then inspiration struck . My brother got us an opera box , so it was very safe for the kids to be there and see their Uncle Jon play his drums ( btw , he 's really awesome . . . . ) , plus mommy and daddy got to take in a great show . See ? It 's a win - win deal . The kids felt very important with their backstage passes and they even got sodas out of the band 's fridge . Big stuff . They enjoyed the show and staying up VERY late , and Uncle Jon even scored them a t - shirt on the way out . Anyway , here are some photos of the kids in their Copeland t - shirts this morning . DAILY BLISS : dressing up for a night out < 3 Christy This was an exhausting day of errand - running , purchasing and returning . I haven 't had a chance to do much holiday preparation since we are in the middle of remodeling and I keep a baby during the day . Not that I overdo it or anything , but we also have several birthday parties coming up for kids that go to school with my kids . I don 't know why so many people had to have babies close to Christmas . Anyway , by the time 8 : 30 AM rolled around , I was already in full - shopping mode . This is surprising to any of you who have actually seen me at 8 : 30 in the morning . I don 't mind if everyone knows that I tend to be a bit frowsty until somewhere around , say , 10 : 00 . I had tossed together my best cover - up - the - sins - of - Thanksgiving - and - leave - room - for - Christmas - cookie - debauchery clothes , managed to find shoes that sorta matched . I was headed up the sidewalk to the bookstore , hoping to make this one stop function as three or four by purchasing gifts for birthdays AND Christmas and classroom gift exchanges . I was minding my own business . THENA construction worker stepped out in front of me and told me he liked my top . I mean , that is a quote . He said , " I really like that top ! " with a grin and a pointed finger . And not in any way that could be construed as gay . He was flirting with me ! It really doesn 't matter that he was 10 years older than I am and he was kinda scruffy ( I 'm much more comfortable with scruffy people , anyway ) . It 's just nice to be noticed - frowsty face and comfy clothes and all . Plus , guys just don 't hit on 30 - something mothers - of - two who drive aging green Cadillacs . I can 't figure out why . So , that 's how my day was made . I did have concern that when one 's day is made at 8 : 30 AM , it 's bound to go downhill from there . It didn 't , though . DAILY BLISS : Lunch out with my hubby , who was working in town . He pretty much never does that . < 3 Christy I already emailed this to anybody who would probably read my blog , but I still feel an inexplicable urge to post a picture of my Christmas lights here . You know - just in case . Do your best to ignore the blue paint tarp and ladder in the photo , and also ignore the fact that only one of the windows has been painted . Actually , as of today , that one window and the door frame have both been painted , and I hope that before the day 's end , the other window will join them in the happy land of the freshly painted . So , here 's my Christmas house : DAILY BLISS : peppermint ribbon candy and a high of 70 degrees ! < 3 Christy The Message translation reads : " A green shoot will sprout from Jesse 's stump , from his roots a budding Branch . " Today is the first Sunday of Advent . I love this season in the church ! We always try to celebrate Advent creatively in our community , and I wanted to share our celebration with you . The first candle in the Advent wreath symbolizes prophecy or hope ( there are many different traditions and themes , but these are the most common ) . We took the concept from the above - mentioned scripture in Isaiah , along with others , and made a Jesse tree in church today . For those of you who celbrate Advent already , this is a familiar idea , but for the sake of those who don 't , I 'll fill you in a little bit . I found a stump ( on the side of the road ! ! ! ) that we used to represent the family of Jesse , the lineage of Jesus , and we used a twig to be the " green shoot , " representing Jesus . We lit the candles and spent some time meditating over the prophetic names of Jesus mentioned in Isaiah 9 : 6 and in other scriptures , and each of us selected a name that held personal meaning , wrote it down on a leaf and attached it to our twig . In some households , this even takes the place of a Christmas tree , and the children create ornaments each night to add decoration to it based on the scripture reading for that night . Generally , the study goes through the lineage of Christ and ends with the Nativity story as you near Christmas Day . Anyway , I don 't suppose I have anything too poetic to say about it . I 'm much too exhausted for that ! We are taking a painting break tonight , though , to wrap Christmas presents . Yay ! It really is the most wonderful time of the year ! DAILY BLISS : Watching my dad , brother , husband and son put up our Christmas lights . I 'll post some photos tomorrow , maybe . . . . . - Christy So , do you ever suddenly catch yourself in a moment that you really hope nobody else noticed ? That happens to me a lot , but today 's moment was particularly amusing in a completely third - person sense . Let me give you a little background information first . I have been working hard on my house . Really hard . Not just that , but we traveled for Thanksgiving and now have Christmas preparations underway . So , my schedule is something like : up really early , make kids ' lunches , get kids dressed / hair fixed , receive daytime baby from his mommy , schlep everybody off to school , run one errand that I can do before baby 's nap , put baby to bed , change into painting clothes , climb the ladder and paint for an hour , wake up baby , feed baby , run one more errand before baby 's next nap , put baby to bed , change into painting clothes , climb up the ladder and paint for an hour , wake baby up to pick kids up from school . . . . well , you get the idea . once I get my own kids to bed , I hoist myself up on the ladder one more time to paint for another hour or two and sometimes make it to bed before midnight . I forgot to mention that I must clean up at least some and change into real person clothes every time I come off the ladder . Anyway , I 'm really exhausted . My whole body is just aching , and I am really sleep - deprived . It would take three pots of coffee to wake me up , but I just can 't do that to myself . At some point this week , I just gave up on the cleaning - myself - up part . I 'm just running around town in a paint - splattered ponytail and with paint - splattered skin . I even found a warpaint - like stripe on my face today as I glanced in the rearview mirror of my car . Anyway , on to that moment . It came time to pick up my kids from school today . We have to wait in the car line , and all of you who are moms out there know what I mean . You have to get there at least twenty minutes before school gets out , or you have a really bad place in line , which means you 're going to be idling in your car for 30 minutes or so . What is a mommy to do ? I usually listen to thePosted by Haven 't posted in a while . Honestly , I haven 't had much to say worth putting in print . It 's been one of those empty times , and I 've been under the kind of stress where you simply try to make it from one day to the next . Not much deep thought or profound inspiration , just mostly trying to put one foot in front of the other . Today I experienced something wonderfully profound and got the jump start of inspiration I needed . I had coffee with a friend . Not just any friend . This friend and I have suffered an irreparably broken relationship . Irreparable by most people 's standards , anyway . God has brought an incredible healing to our relationship . I 'm not sure either of us can understand it . We kind of just giggle and throw up our hands , not sure we can believe something this wonderful is possible . We talked for a couple of hours , laughed and truly enjoyed ourselves . I left and on the drive home I couldn 't stop thinking about Jesus and the cross . I realized that His cross has taken on yet another dimension of meaning in my life . I realized that the healing I have experienced was personally bought by Christ as He bore my pain and mistakes on the cross . It was handed to me as a gift , a gift so extravagant and priceless that I 'm left with no way to even comprehend it . Because of His suffering , I have been given grace . His grace has made it possible for my friend and I to look into one another 's eyes after deep pain and hurt , and extend true friendship with no shame , no regrets , and no hesitation . The road to this healing hasn 't been easy for either of us . We 've had to learn to set aside painful feelings , to sacrificially forgive , and to let go of any right to revenge . We didn 't have to mend this friendship . It took a lot of painful work to get here . But know what ? In my opinion , for us to do any less than embrace the forgiveness and healing that God has brought to us would be a sad disrespect to His suffering and sacrifice for us . My Jesus died a messy , ugly , painful , embarrassing , agonizing death so that IPosted by I 've gotta echo Christy 's statements about the business and craziness of life that sometimes prevents regular posting . Life has kind of taken me over as of late . No one 's fault but my own . . . I 've emerged from Thanksgiving indeed thankful for the supportive and loving family and friends I have . I could never survive without them . Now . . . to make it two more weeks through final exams and I 'm FREE ! ! ! ! ! Coming soon ! New Woman on the Edge site . CAN ' T WAIT ! ! ! B With sincere apologies to both of my readers ( that includes you , Mom ) , this is my I - can 't - believe - I - haven 't - blogged - since - Halloween blog . And it isn 't going to be much . I scrambled really hard to finish some projects around the house between Halloween and our vacation . I was up until 1 : 00 , more like 2 : 00 and the night before vacation , nearly 3 : 00 in the morning for days on end painting and stuff . Man ! I was pretty exhausted . And I didn 't finish the projects . We vacationed in the mountains of northern Georgia and didn 't have cell phone service or internet . Very relaxing , but not exactly a good environment for blogging . We had a wonderful vacation though , and when I have a spare minute , I 'll post something about it , I suppose . But I already sent the e - mail to my mom . DAILY BLISS : My own bed . Sigh . < 3 Christy Ok . . . since I know God 's reading my blogs ( actually He had the pre - release version before I even thought it up . . . hmmm . . . ) I gotta tell you what He did to remind me . Today I sat around a table discussing Ezra chapters 9 and 10 with some guys from my Old Testament Interpretation class . We were given a sheet of discussion questions and sent off to forage for truth on our own . Now you might think there 's nothing in Ezra 9 and 10 worth discussing . Not so , my friends ! Today I was reminded in that moment of blissful consideration of scripture that one of the reasons why I do this is because the scriptures are LIFE . They are full of real , true , radical examples , explanations , and challenges . I love to dig deep , think hard , and look long at what God has to say about life , and about me . More than that , I love when I can 't understand but then His Spirit begins to shed a light over a concept . It slowly dawns in my mind , so softly I can 't speak it at first and then more vividly so I can write it down fast before I forget it ! ! Then I can chew on it , taste it , and make it part of me . THIS is why I 'm here . I interacted with God today . Not that He isn 't always interacting with me on a level I can 't even express , but today He fed me something He knew I needed . Maybe some specific conclusions from the chapters later . For now , suffice it to say that a deep discussion of Ezra was a definite stepping stone toward getting out of the pit of frustration I 've been in . Good ole Ez ! ! We had a lot of fun this Halloween . I 'm just going to post a few pictures here . They are self - explanatory . But . . . . I can never resist a little explanation . . . . . so : We have Andrew as Clark Kent / Superman . He was very particular about his hairdo . We have Emma as a heavenly angel . She always picks out something with wings . And then we have me and my sister - in - law Mindy . We wanted to dress up too , so we put on some eyelashes and black stuff to pass out candy . We sat on my porch and ate the good parts out of my trick - or - treat bowl and sipped apple cider while Chris took the kids to the good neighborhood for candy : ) Ha ! < 3 Christy I have this interesting thing going on here in my pit . I have these rose - colored pictures of my " egypt " in my mind . I 'm asking myself , how the hell did I get here ? Why again did I leave a nice job and a nice house and my hometown and come up here for this ? What was I thinking , I could change the world or something ? What was wrong with my average job , my cookie cutter house ( with the jacuzzi tub ) and my regular life ? It 's HARD to follow passion . It HURTS to force myself out of the comfort zone . It 's such a struggle to keep focus on why I 'm doing what I 'm doing . I forget ( or maybe sometimes regret ) that I didn 't want to settle for average , that when I had all those things , my soul burned inside me for something more . I know the truth is even if I could go back to that life , I would not be fulfilled , it 's not all I remember it as being , and I 'd be giving up my life 's dream . I know I 've already gone too far to turn back . I also know that I want God to have more out of me than this . I want to be strong and fight valiantly and never whine about where He 's brought me . And here I am . . . whining and panting and wanting to give up . I feel like a failure . All the time I 'm thinking these thoughts of longing for what once was , I know in my mind I don 't really want that . This sensation makes me feel like I might go nuts . This reminds me of something . When I was having Levi , I went to " the zone . " I see women go there all the time on A Baby Story ! It 's when the physical pain is such that you just exit yourself for a while . You go out of your mind . You are reduced to nothing but instinct or natural physical reaction to what you are experiencing . You are no longer making coherent thought , you just try to survive the pain . At one point , I needed to stop pushing because the umbilical cord was around Levi 's neck . The midwife couldn 't really make me understand what I needed to do . I remember my mother getting close to my face and telling me I had to stop pushing for a minute . She held onto my hand and talked right to my face . For a fewPosted by Here are all of our fabulous pumpkins ! We had a lot of fun carving them . We started the morning out in the back yard , but the sun was just too hot , so we moved the whole thing to the porch , which I 'm shocked I didn 't think of in the first place ! ! Here 's me laughing about my pumpkin - I 'm wearing my favorite apron . Here 's my son being a typical boy . And here 's an action shot of all the festivities ! ! < 3 > I wasn 't really going to blog about anything today . It 's been a non - eventful day . Nothing thought - provoking or emotion - inducing happened to me at all . But I just put two happy loaves of pumpkin bread ( with walnuts ) in the oven and took off my apron , stepped outside and breathed the cooled - down air . When I walked back in , the pumpkin bread smelled so good that I just had to tell somebody about it . I am making this pumpkin bread for tomorrow 's church breakfast . We have our church in our living room for those of you ( ha ! like I have readers ! ) that don 't already know . On Sunday mornings we have breakfast together and worship together around my piano . We sit in the living room and discuss scripture . It 's different , I guess , than what most Christians do on Sunday morning , but it suits us just fine ! I am particularly looking forward to tomorrow morning . We are going to put tables in our back yard , eat an alfresco breakfast , worship in the cool morning air , and then we are all going to carve pumpkins ! ! I have two lovely pumpkin specimens in my living room awaiting the painstaking removal of their innards and strategic portions of exterior flesh . They look a little bit like Bert and Ernie . One is tall and lean , the other short and squatty . Y ' all know I love any excuse for a theme party . So , our little church will be partying tomorrow morning , enjoying the gorgeous weather and the works of our Creator . All while dining on the flesh of the poor victims of our carving knives . I 'm really glad I 'm not a pumpkin , although I admittedly resemble the Ernie pumpkin just a little bit . . . . . DAILY BLISS : Progress on the living room built - in that was begun nearly two years ago . It may take forever , but it will be a bastion of stability to be sure . I could camp out in the top cabinet and it would not even wobble . < 3 Christy So . . . . . tonight was the first date night Chris and I have had since somewhere between Valentine 's Day and the Fourth of July , I think . I realize this is a wide range of possibility , but I know we didn 't go out on Valentine 's Day or anything , and I really can 't remember when the last time was , but surely it wasn 't before Valentine 's Day ! Anyway , both of the kids went to a friend 's house for a sleepover and we went out for the loveliest steak dinner - such a gorgeous filet and it was practically fork - tender , served with scallopes too ! Yummy ! The company wasn 't half - bad either ( wink ) . I got all gussied up too . I felt like I was such a hottie that I asked Chris to take a picture of me . It didn 't go well . The camera batteries died upon initialization . I 'll post a photo if I find that there is one there when I check it out and / or recharge the batteries . Anyway , once we had spent half our week 's grocery budget on one restaurant meal ( yikes ! ) , we moved on to what all 12 - years - married couples do on a night when the children are gone . Chris went to Home Depot with my dad and I came home to work on a Halloween project for the kids ' school . Really . I 'm not complaining or anything . It 's super nice to go about one 's business in the evening without interruptions for after - lights - out bathroom trips and extra glasses of water ( methinks the two could be related ) ! Mostly , I just think it 's really funny that this does not bother me . Dinner was special - and enough . We don 't HAVE to do more to feel like we had a special night . I catch myself in this very moment with a huge grin on my face . Does this mean that we are content or that we are complacent ? Maybe that 's a choice we have to make . I 'm going with content . DAILY BLISS : Steak and beer and not cooking ( My apologies to my Baptist and Assemblies of God friends - I come from a German Lutheran family . We drink beer . ) ! ! Woohoo ! < 3 Christy Lest you get the impression that my life is one long series of wonderful moments like my previous post , I 'm gonna take the risk of posting today and let you in on the truth . Today I feel like hell . I can 't stand anyone or anything , and I wish I could crawl back in bed and stay for an extended period of time if not forever . It 's this dark , suffocating sensation that medical professionals like to call depression , I guess . . . or maybe just my life is suffocating me right now with it 's chaotic pace and overloaded condition . I don 't know , and I 'm not sure I care . Today , I 'm face down on the bare concrete of the bottom of my soul 's foundation . I 'm crumpled up in a heap , and I can feel the dirt on my face . Here 's my hope : When I get to glimpse this bare foundation at the bottom , I see something . God 's still there . He is all inside that bare concrete , all mixed up in my very foundation . I can 't get lower than where He is . As the tears slip down my cheeks , I wish I could express to you the comfort of knowing that though I don 't understand why God has chosen to keep me so well acquainted with the depths of despair , He doesn 't spare Himself the experience by allowing me to do this alone . Psalm 139 : 7 " Where can I go from Your Spirit ? Or where can I flee from Your presence ? 8 If I ascend into heaven , You are there ; If I make my bed in hell , behold , You are there . 9 If I take the wings of the morning , And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea , 10 Even there Your hand shall lead me , And Your right hand shall hold me . " Today I got a special glimpse of the heart of my little girl . Around 7 : 00 this morning , she came into our room to say good morning . This isn 't anything out of the ordinary . But today , she said " MOM ! You 've gotta look out the window at the sunrise ! " So I opened the blinds to view a gorgeous sunrise , pink at the top cascading down to vibrant orange . We admired for a few minutes as my son came to join in . All four of us stood there staring and saying how it 's neat that God made us a pink sunrise today . Since Mackenzie 's favorite color is pink , I like to make sure she knows that God makes some just for her . Then my girl said " You gotta see it from my bed . It looks different from my bed . " Since we downsized our way to New Orleans , our kids share a room and Mackenzie has the top bunk . So we walked over to her room and opened the blinds there . A little different view , she was right . Then she told me , " I open the blinds a little every morning to look at the sunrise when I wake up . " This glimpse into her beautiful feminine heart thrilled me ! She 's a quiet , passive kid who 's very likely being failed by her mouthy mom . This morning I had proof that somehow , in spite of my shortcomings as a parent , God has managed to keep intact a treasure chest of rare jewels inside my daughter . When she first rested on my chest , I feared I 'd never be able to be good enough for this little gift God had given me . I was right . I 'm not good enough . But He is . . . and she knows He is . She knows enough to wake every morning and spend a moment enjoying the sunrise He 's made . I 'm often too rushed and too driven to stop and revel in such things . I can hardly imagine she got that idea from me . I fall so short as a mother , and often worry what damage I 'm doing to my kids . Today I was told in no uncertain terms that it isn 't up to just me . Almighty God is investing in my children in silent , secret , unseen ways that are far beyond my imagination . He 's whispering to their souls things only He knows they need . I so often fear my children will turn out likePosted by I took a sick day today . I caught some kind of yuck from my mom , called the mom of the baby I watch and warned her that she may not want to put her household at risk by placing her young one in my germy grasp today , downed some Zicam and schlepped my kids off to school in my purple polka - dotted pajamas . I did manage to get some shoes on instead of slippers , though . This is a photo of me being sick . I didn 't realize my roots had grown out quite so badly . I will have to address my hair color issue ASAP . All that to say , though , that it was pretty nice . I sat on my porch with a pitiful bowl of oatmeal and listened to my windchimes singing a blustery sort of song as the first cold front of the season blew in . I pulled my winter clothes down from the top shelf of my wardrobe ( note : winter clothes in Florida means long - sleeved tee shirts ) , snugged up in some wooly slippers , made my bed and then took a nap on it , surrounded by all of my fluffy , shabby chic pillows . I discovered that my sheer cotton curtains do indeed billow in the breeze when the windows are open , as I suspected they would . This is really quite beautiful . I even ate M & Ms for lunch . Comfort food , indeed ! Looking forward to my sister - in - law 's visit . She felt sorry for me , as I hope you do , and offered to bring by some hot apple cider and some company of the not - sitting - too - close kind . Can you see my pouty lip from all the way over there ? I 'm quite sure it will be much better tomorrow . But before that happens , I 'm hoping to work in a plea for take - out dinner tonight . You know - I wouldn 't want to prepare food for my children and possibly pass this on to them in the process ( wink , wink ) ! DAILY BLISS : Silence . No music , no little voices , no tv , just open windows and silence . < 3 Christy Okay - remember how I said I hoped adding a porch would bring about a lifestyle change ? Well , so far , so good ! I have this huge lantana bush in my front yard . I never even knew that it smells in the evening - I have discovered this since my porch happened . It smells almost like orange blossoms or jasmine - that sweet kind of smell . Lo and behold , that sweet smell attracts little tiny hummingbirds ! ! ! I had no idea that they lived in Florida . Now , I am spending every dawn and dusk outside stalking the hummingbirds . This is definitely a change in lifestyle . Normally , dawn is spent guzzling coffee ( not that I don 't do so on the porch ) , and dusk is spent collapsed on the couch . So , at least I 'm outside . I am completely captivated by their tiny bodies and their thrumming wings . They almost look like big bugs and I would have mistaken them for such were it not for my observant brother , who pointed them out to me last week . He bought a feeder for them on the same night , but so far , they prefer the flowers . I guess I can 't blame them too much . That could suffice for my daily bliss today , but . . . . . DAILY BLISS : Parent / teacher conferences and straight A 's all around ( well , straight S 's for my kindergartener , but . . . . same difference ! ) < 3 Christy I must say that , as of late , my duties and responsibilities have so consumed my time , that my heart 's voice has been somewhat muffled . Does this ever happen to you ? You 're just going about your business and something deep and profound just bubbles up out of you , unprovoked , at completely the wrong time . That happens to me a lot . I try to balance my inner life and my outer life - my temporal and my eternal . By balance , I mean that you could take the extremes that I wobble between and come up with a sane and normal average . So , I guess my roles have just elbowed their way to the front of the line and have kind of taken over . I 've been kinda missing myself . I hope I can say that without sounding too schizo . So , I just want to say thanks to a couple of friends who gave me a pause which helped me to remember to think today . I had a great time chatting with Becky today . We talked some about taking responsibility for mapping out one 's own life . We talked some about listening to the voice of our Heavenly Father and not evaluating our reality by comparing it to someone else 's reality . Also thanks to a high school friend , Tim , whose blog I faithfully read ( http : / / bridges4christ . blogspot . com / ) . He posted , I guess , yesterday about grace . This has been something that I 've been chewing on in my own life for a little while . I 've talked a little bit here before about accepting the gift that God offers to us in the form of grace . I think that we perfectionists , we goody - two - shoes , try really hard to make it on our own . We punish ourselves severely for our mistakes ( well , I know I do anyway ) , and try so hard to make all the right choices . But I think that this behavior actually rejects what God has offered to us . Imagine that ! Rejecting a gift from God ! Well , I have long since decided that I 'd rather open the box and enjoy the present , if that 's not carrying the metaphor too far ! So anyway , my brain has been trying really hard to reconcile those two moments of thought today . How do you take responsibility for your life without punisPosted by I had just sat down to my lunch when I heard a rumble of thunder . It has been a while since I have heard any thunder , and during this intermission , I have attained an entirely new front porch - the perfect venue to take in God 's beautiful way of watering His garden ! So , I grabbed my bag of apple slices , headed out the front door , and snagged a front row seat . By the time I sat down , sheets of gray had already begun to roll in from the north , telling me that the sun shining through the slats in the railing would be soon departing . Then , my wind chimes quietly informed me that they would be narrating this particular performance , standing as interpreters between Mother Nature and myself . They conferred with each other in hushed tones as the sky rumbled and forewarned . Then they began to sing to me . It was a Gentle and Sweet sort of a song and the trees bowed in agreement with their interpretation of the scene . This went on for quite some time , and I deeply appreciated the romantic sensibilities of the song . But , after much discussion among themselves , the copper tubes decided it was necessary to change their song . It became a Gusty and Excited sort of a song and the trees agreed even more strongly . They were soon joined by the percussive thumps of fat raindrops on the wide , green leaves of the hibiscus to my left . This began slowly and loudly , but as they were joined by more and more drops of rain . In their excitement , they began to take over the song . The wind chimes conceded , fading into the background , agreeing with each other that this Thunderstorm sort of song was even more magic than theirs . My nose was forced to accept the sting of wet dirt and grass , and the chimes sang only when they felt they had something important to say . Soon , though , the performance became so exuberant that my jeans were quite damp , from the ankles to the knees , and I knew it was time to come back inside so that the rain could feel comfortable doing whatever it wanted to do , without fear of offending me by soaking my new porch . < 3 ChristPosted by Ok . Everybody knows the story of Esther , right ? I 've known it since I was a kid , but I 've never thought about Esther 's predecessor much until the last couple of days . Vashti was queen before Esther . She got stripped of her royal title and banished from the kings presence as punishment for her refusal to appear before him so that he could show her off during a drunken party . I 've never noticed before how her stand caused such great fear among the men . They were afraid her refusal would inspire other women to do the same . Esther is often praised for her courageous act of approaching the king to intercede for her people , but no one mentions Vashti and the courage it must have taken for her to refuse the kings command in the way she did . She had to have known there could be severe consequences for her actions . Yet , she still stood against the king 's lewd command . Her stance was a threat to the men . They were frightened by her assertion of control , fearing that she would remove control from them . Vashti lost her royal title as a consequence for refusal to obey the king . I wonder if she felt alone , afraid , or even regretted her unpopular stance . It 's not easy to live an inspiring , passionate life , unapologetic about your beliefs . Sometimes , owning your passion and going for your calling can be a lonely thing to do . So , hey Vashti , thanks for going for it ! ! ! So just for fun , here 's a pic of my latest accessory ! Another ear piercing ! With my short hair , I 'm havin ' fun bedazzling my ears ! Today is a big day for me . Today is a day that I celebrate life . This the anniversary of magical and miraculous happenings . Six years ago , on this date , I nearly lost my own life bringing a tiny new life into this world . My baby daughter was born six years ago today . Birth is such a safe event anymore that we tend to treat it mundanely . But this particular birth was an entrance befitting the daring and dramatic soul of my little one ! She comes from a long line of dramatic women , so I should not have expected less . We have come to refer to this day as " The Day That Emma Happened . " People that don 't know any better call her an old soul . She 's just that kind of person . So , we had a pixies and ponies party in our back yard with real ponies and three tiny little girl pixies running about with flowered wings and crystal crowns . It was a lovely evening , made even more splendid because it coincided with a beautiful harvest moon glowing in a cloudless sky . Breathtaking . So , I 'm happy to be alive today . I 'm rejoicing in life today . I 'm tearfully grateful for my incredible daughter . Breathtaking . Those of you who know my heart , and those of you whose hearts are like mine will understand when I simply say that real magic can only happen because of real work . But it 's ALWAYS worth it ! DAILY BLISS : Real ponies in my back yard ! ! ! Hee hee ! ! - Christy This is me playing with paint colors for my house : You can see that I 'm very excited about all of this . That 's a light green on the left , and the beige for trim on the right . The middle green will be kind of like the house 's eyeliner . It will just go around the window sashes . I tried out the paint scheme tonight . Being the smart consumer , I purchased quart - sized samples of my top candidates and painted a big splotch on the front of my house . I 'm sure that my neighbors will really love this , because , if previous do - it - yourself projects are any indication , it will be at least seven years before the house actually gets painted . Ah well . . . . . I can revel in the knowledge of fresh paint anyway . I really like to paint things . It feels so fresh and clean every time ! You know , even if you can 't seem to scrub all the dirt out of that one corner above the baseboards in the bathroom , you can always seal it in with a fresh coat of paint . That 's my kind of housework ! DAILY BLISS : DH on the floor doing math homework with the boy and the little curls that fall out of my little girl 's braids . < 3 Christy I made a late - night coffee run last night . I actually ended up with apple cider , which was a good thing , since I have a hard enough time sleeping as it is . I love reading the little quotes on the Starbucks cups - you know , " The Way I See It # ( insert random number ) ? " Anyway , I 'm driving , it 's dark , and I glance at my cup . I 've gotten this one before . It 's a question about why my opinions are less and less strong as I grow older . ( BTW , I threw away the cup and can 't find the quote on their website . If I find it , I 'll post it . ) I stop and think - this is a profound question . It 's true for me - I am certainly less dogmatic than I was at eighteen or so . And I wonder why that is ? The author of the quote offered a multiple choice answer . All of the answers could have been my own . I pondered this as I hit the red light next to my street . Then , the real question hit me : Why are coffee cups the deepest , most thought - provoking thing I 'm reading lately ? Could it be that : A ) I 've gotten too lazy to look for good reading materialB ) I 'm only reading at 10 : 00 in the eveningC ) Starbucks philosophy is just that good ! DAILY BLISS : Picking out a novel in the bookstore for my son 's book report . It 's really great to pass on my love of books - oh wait ! Maybe I just answered my own question . I 'm spending too much time in the children 's book section ! < 3 Christy So . . . . I guess I 'm the photo queen , but I 'm wordy enough and a picture 's worth a thousand words . Pictures actually save me some space . I pulled up to my house today after running errands , and caught sight of a vision that sent tears jumping out of the corners of my eyes ! ! Take a look at my porch today : It is JUST how I have imagined it and it isn 't even done yet ! ! ! You can see where the steps have yet to be poured in the front , but you get the idea . It 's finally coming together . It 's going to be even more fabulous after I paint , and I 'll try really hard not to post more pictures until that point in time . . . . . just to avoid overexposure ! Anyway - that 's all for today . Nothing profound , nothing thought - provoking . Just tears over my porch , I guess . DAILY BLISS : Pumpkin spice lattes made with soy milk and Halloween costumes . < 3 Christy I love to read ! I read for fun , for relaxation , and of course to attempt to appease my insatiable knowledge cravings . Being in full time seminary class , much of my reading time is occupied with the knowledge part . But today . . . . today I decided it was high time I pick up a little of what I call " mind candy . " So I headed into the campus bookstore and found a great sale on some deliciously enjoyable fiction novels . I splurged . In my attempt to treat myself to the escape of a good book , I picked up an intriguing story called Mozart 's Sister . Did you know that Mozart had a sister who was equally as talented as he ? Her name was Nannerl Mozart . Author Nancy Moser has done an incredible job of telling her story in a beautifully written , well researched historical fiction novel based on Nannerl 's life ! Nannerl Mozart was denied the prestigious opportunities that Wolfgang had because she was a girl . But more than a statement about inequality among the sexes , Mozart 's Sister is a thought provoking story that is challenging me to think about my purpose , my calling , and my gifts . In the dedication , Moser writes something I think is incredibly profound : " To all who live in this amazing age of opportunity . Waste no chance to carry out your God - given purpose . Too many have not had the luxury of CHOICE . " So here 's to you , Nannerl Mozart ! And here 's to God for the purpose He 's woven into my being . I determine to faithfully live out that purpose no matter how it scares me . How dare I do any less in light of those like Nannerl who had no opportunity to do so ! So much for Mind Candy ! ! ! This is something to chew on ! ! ! I have posted before that I have an older house that 's slowly being renovated . We are finally working on the porch ! We have lived here for three years , and I bought this darling house , knowing that I would tear down the dismal room that served as a porch and open it up into a real , live , southern - style front porch ! So . . . . . here 's what it looked like before : I mean , it 's OK , but it just isn 't my dream house , you know ? I love porches . I even have a book about porches . I dream of sitting on my porch with a mug of hot cider on a cold night with a blanket and a book . I dream of hanging patriotic bunting from my porch rail in the summertime . I dream of having a hammock even - but this may be far - reaching . At any rate , I have spent hours and hours with graph paper and issues of magazines like Country Living , Country Home , Cottage Style and Bungalow Style dreaming , designing and planning . And finally , my day has come . My porch is now under construction . Here 's what it looked like after the first day - Demolition Day : That 's my sweet hubby on the left , surveying the damage . We paid somebody else to do it so he wouldn 't have to . And that 's my friend that I 'm paying to do the porch on the right . So , here 's what the porch looked like yesterday with my fat craftsman - esque columns basically constructed : Anyway , I suppose there is a universal appeal to a front - porch lifestyle . I 'm expecting that having a front porch will be life - changing . Well , maybe not expecting , but hoping . Well , maybe not life - changing , but life - slowing . Not that it will reduce the number of ballet practices or after - school clubs my kids are involved in , and not that it will turn off the noise of modern family life , but I guess that I hope I will hear it calling my name in the middle of my life , and that the call will lure me outside to have a cup of tea , and for five mintues now and again , make me feel like my life has slowed down . I guess that 's kind of how dreams are - they 're things you shoot for even if you never get that far . So , now that the silly dreams ofPosted by So . . . . . I 'm a total freak . I 'm sure you 've already guessed that if you 've read any of my blog at all . But , I really love autumn . I spent my childhood in Minnesota , and it was always so beautiful when the weather turned cool and the leaves turned colorful . Then we moved to Florida . The most colorful season we have is the muted green of spring . I say muted green , because it 's never even that beautiful bright green that comes after everything dies for the winter and comes back to life in the spring . We just don 't have much in the way of seasons here . But I celebrate the change of seasons with my family anyway . I think it 's important that my children are aware of God 's earth - how its seasons are metaphoric for the seasons in our lives , how there is a constant cycle of death and birth . . . . you know . . . . all that deep , poetic stuff that only nerds and poets think about . We have our rituals for every season , but fall is my favorite ! Every year , I hold out the hope that by tossing silk leaves about and serving apple cider and cinnamon - laced desserts , somehow Autumn will hear me calling her and come to visit me here in Florida . She never does , but that hope never seems to die . This year , we hosted a dinner . I 've done this before , but it 's been a couple of years . I 've spent two days baking and cutting up squash and sweet potatoes ! Yummy ! Here 's a photo of the table in my backyard : We gathered so many of our dear ones together and everyone enjoyed a bountiful feast ! I know that everyone is going to think that I 'm crazy now . But here 's the thing - I 'm not all about being Martha . The dinner was forty - five minutes late getting to the table . Everyone was hot and sweaty , since apparently Miss Autumn didn 't hear me calling . It wasn 't perfect . But it was so beautiful ! Looking down that long table and seeing the ones I love - my friends AND my family all in one place - my grandma , my mom and dad , my friends and some of their parents , my friends and their babies , my brothers and sisters - in - law . What a beautiful reminder of God 's Earth and Posted by Well , my babies are growing up . Not my kids . . . . my tadpoles . My son , a couple of weeks ago , brought home a jar full of tadpoles from a friend 's house where he had spent the night . The tadpoles had hatched the previous night in his friend 's swimming pool . Take a minute to let that sink in ! Anyway , we had a few casualties the first night , and I presumed that most of them would perish within a few days , due to the chlorine in the pool ( the levels of which were obviously not high enough , but I assumed there must at least be some ) . I knew of their supposed fate because I spent an extensive amount of time Googling the care and raising of tadpoles . Chlorine is their enemy . You are even supposed to buy special water conditioners if you are keeping them in tap water . Well , I already was going to have to buy some goldfish food for these guys to eat , and I really didn 't want to invest in water conditioners , knowing that these guys would be dead in a matter of days . I decided on the tactic that we used with our goldfish ( which probably explains their limited life spans ) - if you leave the tap water out for 24 hours , the chlorine supposedly dissipates . There never seemed to be that much time to just let the water sit around , though , and we presumed that overnight would be just fine . They lived . They grew . And on Sunday , they sprouted back legs ! Which really freaked me out ! I hadn 't expected them to live that long and knew I had read something about them needing something to climb on , due to the fact that they lose their ability to breathe through gills when their legs sprout ! I panicked and grabbed a dirty rock out of my front yard . They have been just fine , and didn 't even mess with the rock . Until today . When the kids were on their way out the door to school , my son came running back in the house shouting incoherently about tads and legs ( we have given them a collective moniker - tads ) . The front legs of one had burst out of its side , and it was now climbing out of the plastic box . He could barely contain himself ! I guess they nePosted by Ladies , I have , this day , discovered a fierce warrior lurking inside of me . Yet again , I put off my grocery trip until there was simply nothing but condiments and moldy fruit in my refrigerator . Fearing the possibility of what could be facing me at the local supercenter , I carefully mapped out my meal plan , made my list , loaded up the kids and headed out to Wal - Mart on a Sunday afternoon . There really is nothing on earth that is quite like it . Jostling and crashing , empty shelves and packed aisles - the living , breathing definition of insanity . My kids ( who usually get to look at toys with Daddy , but Daddy is out of town today ) picked at each other and dragged their feet around every corner in a shameful manner . There were a few times that I cut through several lanes of traffic , kind of hoping to scare them into staying close by and being quiet . It didn 't help much , though . I switched strategy mid - store and decided upon the pull - the - cart - into - the - middle - of - the - aisle - crossing - guard - style approach until my ducklings had safely crossed each and every street . By the time I stood in line and paid and got to the car , I felt that collapse was imminent . But , as I drove home , an emboldened sensibility began to sneak up on me . By the time pulled into my driveway , I really was proud of having survived this - I could certainly tackle the rest of the day if I could handle that ! So . . . . . I made a real dinner . Artichokes and everything ( yeah - my kids love them ! ) . My daughter suggested candlelight since we were in the middle of a thunderstorm . Feeling a little giddy , I agreed . They both wound up getting bathed and showered - Zing ! I made homemade cookies for dessert - Zap ! I even tackled the three loads of laundry that had been moved from my bed to my desk to my bed to my desk to my bed to the kitchen table ( thinking this might make it seem more urgent ) - Zow ! By the time the kids were in bed , I decided that , after the day 's successes , I simply had to pull myself together for one last battle . Armed with the Scrubbing Bubbles and a bPosted by Have you ever had one of those moments where things suddenly begin to make sense ? Sort of like a realization washes over you that God has been at work , through things that seem to have no connection , all to accomplish one purpose in your life . I 've been having those moments lately . As I 'm getting ready for the first Woman on the Edge event , I 'm spending a lot of time looking back over my journey to begin piecing together the message God wants to say through Woman on the Edge , and I 'm realizing . . . OOOOOOHH ! ! THIS is what He 's been teaching me ! ! ! ! Suddenly , it all makes sense . The journey through some painful times , the daring call to New Orleans , the facing of some unlovely things about myself , the depression I 've dealt with , and even the joyful moments have all been teaching me truths that fit the Woman on the Edge message . I 've watched in awe as material for this conference flows out of email conversations , discussions , and thoughts I 've journaled over the past year . I had no idea I was working on conference material , but here it is ! ! My jaw is dropping as God brings just the right women to the team and how He has ordered their lives with just the right experiences and truths as well . Yet again , I marvel at God 's incredible ability to orchestrate my life into something wonderful . . . in SPITE of me . Well , whatever train of thought I was on last night derailed before I could get to the point of what I was going to say , so I will let yesterday 's post stand as - is ! I have been pondering , lately , the sense of emotional weariness that plagues me now and again . I had concluded some time ago that I was one of the few women I knew who battled constantly to keep her heart intact . Eventually , I started to wonder what was wrong with me that I never could bring myself to lop off big parts of my self in order to just get through the time at hand . Everywhere we go , everything we do - from the time we are small - threatens to shred little bits of our hearts as women . I have seen this so often . Women shut down their dreams , kill little bits of themselves , just to deal with the hurts and disappointments that life brings . So , I ran across a scripture that really encouraged me yesterday . Proverbs 4 : 23 says , " Above all else , guard your heart , for it is the wellspring of life . " Then I thought about how I have always interpreted that verse . It seems that I have always thought it meant to lock away my heart - to keep it somewhere safe so that no one ever hurt it . But that conflicts with my need to have an impact on the world around me . I don 't think anything is completely true and effective unless it comes from the heart . But nothing can come from the heart if it 's shut away from the world . But it doesn 't say " lock your heart away . " I got this picture of myself standing around a fortress - in some kind of medieval battle armor ! Ha ! Not very feminine , I guess . But I think that 's more along the lines of what the scripture teaches . My heart must be what it is . It can 't function unless it 's open to the air . It has doors and the walls have tops - that is to say , there are points of entry and exit into my heart . But I must guard it . I have to discern whether something that approaches is safe to let in . And sometimes , I can 't know , but I have to be ready to fight . I have to watch what comes out , too . Make sure that what I unleash on the restPosted by GRRRLL ! I am laughing out LOUD at your post ! I enjoyed our conversation this morning too . And I think you are very funny with your homemade mayo . Even I , the domestic goddess extraordinaire , have had my fair share of kitchen flops ! Last year , to celebrate the Chronicles of Narnia , I decided I was going to make homemade Turkish delight for all my friends , and wrap it in little white boxes with green ribbons ( reference the book if you 'd like to check for accuracy : ) ) . And I was NOT about to make any of those recipes that called for gelatin . That was cheating . I was going to make the sugar - syrup , from - scratch , Turkish - grandma kind of delight . So , funds being short , I bought a cheap candy thermometer . Honey , for two weeks straight , my kitchen was awash in sticky syrups and flavorings . I made batch after batch of boiled syrup , dribbling tiny bits of it into ice water to check the hard ball vs . soft ball stage . No lie - I went through probably two dozen pounds of sugar . I only got one batch really right . Everyone got a very tiny , pathetic box of Turkish Delight which probably cost , when you factor in all the failures , more than a fancy imported box ever would have ! I guess , though , my point is that kitchen stuff and homemaking stuff is fun for me . It 's how I express myself . But that isn 't the definition of the feminine by any stretch . You alluded to that at the end of your post , B . Some very feminine women like to go rock climbing or are engineers . I think it has less to do with our tasks and more to do with our approach to our tasks . I think feminine women are alluring ( if you don 't like that word , insert " inviting " ) , warm , open and emotionally connected with themselves and the world around them . They long to be desired . They are irresistlbe because they know who they are and they are comfortable with themselves . Now , that 's just a short list , but . . . . . it 's a start . Hmmm . Now , my brain has just drawn a blank . Maybe I should get on to bed and continue this tomorrow . . . . . . DAILY BLISS : Warm , soaking tropical rain with no thunPosted by Christy and I had an enlightening discussion this morning about femininity . We chatted about how many women squelch their femininity in order to prove themselves equal to the men around them . We talked about how an assertive woman sans femininity comes across aggressive and intimidating . I was truly inspired , seeing as how that assertive woman who often leaves her femininity at home is none other than yours truly . So , in the spirit of celebrating my femininity , and because I ran out of the store bought kind , I attempted to make homemade mayonnaise . Let me warn you that those who tout " easy " mayonnaise making are LIARS ! Before attempting homemade mayonnaise , one really needs to have a degree in chemistry ! ! I carefully followed the directions , and nearly burned up the motor in my very feminine stand mixer , but only came up with oil and egg yolk syrup . Nasty . Frustrated , yet determined , I continued my quest . Since funds are low , and I 'm scraping the bottom of my pantry as it is , I couldn 't let myself lose this battle and waste what I had ! Ugh ! I did a search on google : " How to thicken homemade mayonnaise " which turned up some interesting information , along with the sad realization that I would have to count as loss the two egg yolks and cup of olive oil I had already sacrificed to my stand mixer . I began a second batch , this time using my whisk to blend the ingredients . I beat and I beat and I beat those yolks and then began to incorporate the oil , DROP by DROP , still beating all the time . This batch turned out better . It was thickening up nicely , but my arm was about to FALL OFF ! ! Plus the ingredients I was mixing were starting to trigger my gag reflex . At this point , I 'm feeling anything but feminine . Suddenly , the phone rang , interrupting my feminine celebration gone awry . I heard my husband 's voice on the other end , and he , hearing the flustered banging of my whisk , gallantly offered to bring home a jar of mayo from the store on his lunch break . So as my knight in shining armor rode in on his steed to rescue me wiPosted by I 'm watching roses being tossed into the 17th street canal here in my city . Each rose represents a life lost in the Lakeview area of New Orleans . . . my old neighborhood . Today marks one year since Hurricane Katrina hit our area . I 'll never forget watching as Katrina was forecasted . When our local station 's meteorologist began to relay the news that Katrina was headed our way , she began to cry . I remember thinking how odd it was for a weather forecaster to get that emotional over the weather . That chilling moment was a foreshadowing of many tears to come . I cried a lot those first few weeks , and have cried many more times over the past year . Here we are a year later , and some days the tears are far from over . But you know what ? Hope always rises to the top of the puddle of tears . Even on those days when the tears seem like an ocean , Hope 's ship is still sailing , and guess who her Captain is ? He 's the Only One who has seen my deepest sorrow and most regrettable mistakes , but still welcomes me freely . He 's the One whose arms I 've run to with my sorrows time and again , and the One whose held me through storms before . So when Jesus reaches over the side of His ship of hope to catch me and pull me in , I welcome His embrace , I hold onto Him with everything I am , and I cherish those moments because it 's then He 's holding me closest . Thank God for the ocean of tears , thank God for Katrina , and thank God for the chance she gave me to crawl up in His lap , with nowhere else to go , and see His face in a wonderful way . A few weeks ago , I posted something about my journey . I don 't remember exactly what I said , but it was something about feeling like the security of the known isn 't really safe for me anymore . I just can 't stay and I have to move forward . I have no idea what 's ahead , but I have come to this place , this edge of my reality , where I have to choose to sit down , or to keep going , and if I keep going , which path will I take ? I 've been sitting here for quite some time now , and this is where the conversation Becky and I had about the wishing fog comes in . It seems to roll in on you when you 're sitting still . I have told myself that I was making choices , but I was really allowing that fog of wishing to swirl around my head and keep me satisfied in my spot , busy with all of the questions that float around there . But , like a brave little soldier , I decided at some point to just start walking . I don 't know when I 'll be able to see what 's ahead , but I had to start walking in some direction or another . In that spirit , I have grabbed for a few books that I 've been meaning to read . . . and one that was recommended to me by some very reliable sources was The Barbarian Way , by Erwin McManus . It 's what fell into my hands first , so I devoured it , cover to cover , in less than two days . If you haven 't read it , I hope this will still make sense to you . . . . . It 's so encouraging to have words that define my identity ! It 's so nice to know there are other people out there who think like I do and feel like I do and don 't - fit - in like I do ! But as I reached the end of the book , the following paragraph really seemed relevant to me , in light of the conversations Becky and I have been having , so I 'm going to share it with you . He is talking about the Israelites and their journey out of Egypt : " It is no different for us . As it was for them , freedom is not a return to Paradise Lost ( it 's not safe back there anymore ) , but to a promised land that we must win . Like Israel , who longed for Egypt ( this would be the wishing fog right here ) because the journey wPosted by All of you moms out there know what it 's like to suddenly get a view of your children that reveals how much they 've grown , don 't you ? I got one of those moments today . There 's this perfect moment when the sun starts to set around dinner time at my house . It spreads itself out all gold and warm across the westerly rooms of my house . My son , who is 9 , asked me for a backrub ( he 's sore from his heavy bookbag ! ) and he laid on my bed , and as I rubbed his sweet young skin , the sunlight gently crept across my bed and landed on his little man shoulders . This all happened in a matter of five minutes - the " changing of the light " is fleeting , which is part of why it 's so special . All of a sudden , looking at the back of his head , I remembered what he was like when he was two and when he was five and even last year . My heart just broke . I remember how his little body used to curl up next to mine on a regular basis . How I knew what his skin felt like and took it for granted . How I even sometimes just wished for a moment with nobody touching me . He gave me a big hug before we got up . The light was just passing . It struck me that he is almost the same size as I am now . I 'm young , and he still has much growing to do , but I think I 'm starting to get it . I have begun to understand that bittersweet separation between a mom and her boy . And though my heart broke , I 'm not entirely sure that it didn 't mainly burst out of pride for who he is becoming and the matchless joy of holding him close to me one more time . So , the changing of the light is fleeting , but so is my little boy . And I don 't get to have another chance to catch it tomorrow , you know ? DAILY BLISS : I love taking baths ! I mean - I really love taking baths . I have taken to bathing in coconut milk - I just love how it makes my skin feel . Now , I usually add a little rum extract for a nicely scented bath , but today , on recommendation from none other than Becky , I added almond extract instead . It smelled like a macaroon ! And when I stepped out , I almost felt like I was a warm , toastPosted by
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Are you , like me , the kind of adult who falls into a bit of a ' bah humbug ' attitude to Christmas ? I must confess , as I 've gotten older , my family larger and then older , and busier I find the lead up to Christmas quite overwhelming . Each year I think to myself that I will get gifts , and things like that , organised well before December . And then December rolls around and I find myself shopping amidst a crowd of others trying to figure out what on earth to buy for those I care about . This year I think I 've broken through all those feelings of being overwhelmed and it has all to do with knowing what I want to give people . My own family can be amongst the most difficult of all , and yet this year it has been no problem . All of the kids have had things on their Christmas list that give me a great deal of joy to be able to give . In fact Dh , who the hardest of all to buy for , gave me some insight in the middle of the year and I 've had his gift stashed away for three months ! The rest of the bits and pieces that end up happening around all those main family gifts has also come easily , again with the ideas already in place . I wonder , did the Wise Men who came to worship Jesus at his birth also feel overwhelmed and stressed about what to give the baby king ? Now that I 've figured out what it is that had turned me into a scrooge , I 'm hoping the Christmas 's ahead will be calmer and more peaceful . Our summer holiday is also set to be a more peaceful affair as we spend more time at home and holiday with different friends this year . I hope you 're able to identify the things that have you in a ' tizz ' as you prepare for Christmas . May this year truly be one where you feel more peace than panic . As Christmas draws closer we have already begun family celebrations . Our begin with my husband 's side of the family gathering on the Sunday a week before Christmas . It has taken some time , but we have now settled to enjoying the whole day together and then making a camp of it for a couple of extra days . It helps to have a campsite in the family . I 've spent three days watching as 15 of the cousins have played and tumbled about together . It is truly a precious gift to see young people from 22 years all the way down to 5 years enjoying one another , not to mention the adults . We 've enjoyed beautiful meals together and all but demolished a whole box of cherries . What a blessing to live in an area where cherries are grown and to be able to buy them directly from the farmer ! And now we 're back to just being the five of us again . . . . after being a whole clan of shared lives and adventures together . What a wonderful way to begin the school holidays and the Christmas season . I 'm looking forward to the rest of the week and celebrating with my extended family . There is more food to be pondered , considered and prepared . There are more meals to be shared with those we care about . There are gifts to be showered on others . There is something very precious about the end to the school year . My pigeon hole has been constantly refilled with little gifts and cards with beautiful expressions of appreciation for the way I have blessed others through the year . There are class parties throughout the school . We enjoy a whole - school assembly , reminiscing about the joys and highlights of the year . We farewell people ( OK , not so fun ! ) . When I told the Year 6 's that I would have the privilege of working with them a little again next year they were as excited as I was . They are so incredibly precious and they 've grown so much . We all have . Today , with no students remaining the staff spent time packing up and have enjoyed a final meal together . I am again reminded that I work with the most amazing and beautiful people . And I wondered today , why it is that we wait until the end of the year to express our feelings for one another , appreciating the time , talents , gifts and blessings that others pour out on us and our school community . I don 't usually make resolutions for the new year , but I think it a worthy pursuit to encourage others throughout the year . Don 't you agree ? My farewell poem to the man who has taught two of our children over four of the last five years . A man who talks about sowing into the lives of children and " sucking the life " out of every moment . A teacher who is one - of - a - kind and whom we will miss incredibly . Time really flies fast around this time of year ! Since I last posted many , many things have come and gone . Things like graduation nights , a wedding anniversary , the end of Girls ' Brigade , a community Carols night with our lower Primary families , the beginning of my summer Uni subject . Tomorrow we celebrate Dh 's birthday - I 've already told him he needs to do a load of washing and watch TV . Both recently - acquired items that were really for him . I must confess to doing more washing than normal in the last two weeks , purely to watch the machine turn the clothes around and around . It 's such a novelty to be able to see into the washing machine and we 're loving having a front - loader . Christmas shopping has begun semi - earnestly . A great dent was made with online shopping , which I very much preferred . Next year perhaps I 'll get organised early enough and do almost all of it online . I really don 't enjoy shopping , never mind the increased crowds and shopping mall rage impoliteness ! The week ahead , for us , brings the end of the school year . We 'll take a couple of days spending time with Dh 's family and then finish our Christmas preparations . The children are earnestly requesting the opportunity to shop for one another . I think an early morning trip might work best for us all ! It is a tradition we began a few years ago with a $ 5 / person budget to teach the children to consider the person they are giving to . It is beautiful to watch them take on this challenge in more mature ways . You know , I 've thought about this for a few days now and I 'm struggling to come up with one that doesn 't have some specifically Australia - only value ! Obviously many cultures and countries celebrate Easter and Christmas , so those ones don 't count . Here in Victoria we celebrate the commencement of the 8 - hour Labour Day , ANZAC Day , the Queen 's Birthday , Melbourne Cup Day and Boxing Day . I 'm not sure that any of them are ones that others would be inclined to take upon themselves unless they had some reason to do so . I know some of our holidays are celebrated in other countries . Other Commonwealth nations no doubt celebrate the Queen 's birthday and New Zealand also observe ANZAC Day ( hence the A and the NZ at the beginning of the acronym ! ) . I don 't know , maybe Frances will answer her own question ! One thing I will say is that our public holidays are all but done with by June , leaving the latter six months of the year with only one . It 's a long time between long weekends when they 're scattered so unevenly through the year . After all , isn 't that one of the things we enjoy about these days - the opportunity to have a paid day off work enjoying time with our friends and family on picnics and camping trips ? I think that 's part of it ! I have been aware that today ( well , tomorrow my time ) is Thanksgiving Day in the US . Generally speaking I am quite reluctant to take on the customs and traditions of other cultures because they belong to . . . well . . . others . There are definitely things we can enjoy about the ways of others but we don 't necessarily have to take them on as our own , if that makes sense . Thanksgiving Day is one of the few celebrations from another culture that is appealing to me . I think we would all do well to set aside time in our busy lives to focus on the blessings in our lives and I love that Americans have set aside that time . They are indeed a blessed bunch to have that opportunity . If I ever had reason to be living in the US I know this is something I would look forward to ! Given that I can do is take a moment on my day off I thought I 'd post a list of things I am grateful for here : As is often the case , it was over something quite insignificant in the grand scheme of life . A drink of hot chocolate for which permission was not requested nor granted . It should have been a simple matter of admitting to the error and moving on , but instead he chose to lie . Silly really - which is often the case with my children - there was a witness and evidence , yet the lie continued . After some time in his room we had a chat . After explaining how disappointed I was we talked about where lies come from and what God expects of us . I reminded him that I try very hard not to lie to him and that I expect the same in return . The gravity of his actions hit home , however , when I explained that he was being disciplined more harshly for his lie than if he had told the truth and was punished for not following the rules of our home . Not only that but he would now need to rebuild the trust that he had broken . His tears told me that he understood that this is the greater tragedy . That repentant heart earned my cherished young son a cuddle and reassurance of how much he is loved . A defiant heart does not allow for restoration of the broken relationship so immediately , if ever . It made me think about how God wants us to respond to His discipline . Not just about the issue of lying , but about all kinds of things . I am reminded that even as adults we need to be willing to heed the discipline we experience so that our relationship with God is restored . Completely . Oh what memories I have of meal time as a child . I was the one who was still sitting at the dinner table half an hour after everyone else had finished dessert with my main course still unfinished and a bowl of ice - cream sitting before me , taunting me as it melted . I was not to have dessert until my first course was finished . I didn 't enjoy eating what we were dished up . It was not until just a few years ago that I told my mother I had become rather proficient at getting my remaining meal into the bin and covering it up with other rubbish so that no one would know I had thrown it out . She was horrified . Firstly that I had been so deceitful . Secondly that she truly had never known . I pointed out that the was the whole idea - that she would never know and I would never be caught or punished ! It was the most devious thing I ever did , I think . I was raised in the ' 70 's where many Anglo Aussie families dined on boiled - to - death vegetables and grilled - to - a - crisp lamb chops or sausages . Spaghetti sauce was browned mince and a tin of undiluted tomato soup served over pasta . Now I 'm sure there was more variety than that , like chop suey ( yuk ) and casseroles ( which were boring ) but that 's what I remember eating on a day to day basis . The highlight of my dinner life was Mum 's tuna & rice casserole . Cooked rice mixed with a white sauce and a tin of tuna , baked with cheese on top . It 's a meal I still make for my own family - with the addition of onion and garlic . The interesting thing about what we ate back then is that my Dad prefers fairly plain meals even now . And although she tries very hard not to show it , my Mum is a really good cook . On the other hand , I enjoy cooking and as a family we enjoy to adventure of flavours and trying new things ( for the most part ) . In contrast to my own childhood , my children rarely reject what is put before them . I wonder , is it my cooking , their love of food or a combination of both ? Mum likes to come to our house to visit - she says it 's like visiting a restaurant without having to pay the bill at the end . I like to visit Mum 's house - it 's like being on a wonderful holiday from the kitchen . And every now and then she makes me sugar - coated peanuts . Oooohhhhh yeah ! I mentioned yesterday that Miss Mischief enjoyed her belated birthday party . Indeed all the girls who came seemed to enjoy themselves . Miss Mischief chose to have a Mystery Dinner this year and it went beautifully . Lucky for me I will not have this requested for her friends again because now they know . My feet are very happy ! The Mystery Dinner involves a menu of 20 or so items from which to choose . You end up having all 20 items served to you over the course of the evening , but the menu is in ' code ' so the guests have no idea what they are ordering . Even the cutlery is on the menu list . We had five courses , and for each course the guests chose four items . So the way it works is that the guests choose their four items , one course at a time , and their named menu sheets go back to the kitchen . The kitchen ' hands ' put all the bits and pieces together and take the guests ' orders back to them . We did this in rounds all at the same time so that everyone was always on the same course . The guests may end up ordering dessert , a knife , beans and an olive for their first course . They have to eat whatever they 've ordered with whatever implements they have before the next course is ordered . A clever guest might order all their cutlery first which they get to keep all the way through the meal . I did wash some things and return them throughout the evening . Over the years we 've tweaked the original menu to suit ourselves . For example , Miss Mischief preferred beans to peas , and wanted golden syrup dumplings instead of individual pavlova nests for dessert . And we were able to accommodate her . It was a long evening for Miss Sunshine and I . I was in the kitchen at 6am preparing as much of the meal as I could before work . After school I went straight back into the kitchen to get things on the go and ready for quick reheating . Miss Sunshine did a lot of the going backwards and forwards to collect the next course of orders and deliver the requisite items . Do not be misled - this is a time consuming meal . We managed to do it in three hours . Any less would be impossible , I suspect . Miss Mischief also sprinkled the evening with rebus puzzles , having separated the girls into two teams . So we 're up to graduation season at Our School . After a depressing shopping effort looking for wedding attire a month back I managed to find two suitable dresses on Saturday for two separate graduation evenings . The girls were wonderful for objective opinions . I keep telling my brother it 's worth keeping your kids alive so they make it to be teens - my children give him hope . In any case I 'm all set to go with shoes and jewellery organised as well . Miss Mischief enjoyed her belated birthday party on Friday night . After having spent a weekend with her class at camp the weekend before , it was lovely to have all the girls ( bar one ) over for dinner . I 'll have to post about that separately , such was the magnitude of the evening ! I was struck again with how lovely Miss Mischief 's school friends are . Today my blogging friend Frances posted about roasted beets . I 'm not a fan of beetroot myself , having been brought up on the tinned variety . Blech . However , I do love roasted vegies . While we were with my parents a few weeks back Mum did roasted parsnips with one of our meals . Oh my , they were so good . Only Mr Busy rejected them , and the rest of us were keen to have his . It was not quite a brawl . . . . but there was healthy debate as to who would get them ! Mum par - boils her parsnips before roasting . They were lovely and moist on the inside and crunchy on the outside . I think parsnips will have to find their way to my table more often . I don 't often buy them because I thought noone but me like them . The title of this post is really a misnomer . In the flurry of preparing for the weekend and shopping to feed 40 people I did not plan nor shop for us . " I 'll do it on Monday " , I foolishly thought . My achy , tired muscles simply won 't allow it . And I just don 't want to go very fast at the moment . So I 've planned to have roast chicken on Wednesday night and to do a mystery dinner for the Year 8 girls to celebrate Miss Mischief 's long - past birthday . That 's it . That 's all there is . I 'll have to take my achy self to venture through the cupboards and freezer to see what I can find . Truthfully this might be a quick trip because my knees are not happy . And that makes me sound far older than I truly am , but netball in my young adult years was not kind to me . Dh , Miss Mischief and I spent the weekend with her class and quite a few other parents and a couple of teachers on the annual ' Man From Snowy River ' camp . Our Year 8 's study ' The Man From Snowy River ' as one of their English texts and an elective camp is part of the package . They camp in tents with no power or shower block , although there are well - maintained drop loo 's . Meals are all cooked over a camp fire and you have to take everything you need in with you , and everything including your rubbish out at the end . Throughout the camp the kids get to see and experience some sights from the movie , such as horseriding around the area where that magnificent downhill ride scene was filmed . They got to see that hill and hear the story of the filming of that scene . They also hike to the top of ' The Bluff ' - an arduous and challenging trek for those of us who are uphill - walking challenged . The kids were fabulous all weekend long and we all had a lovely time together . My most memorable moment ? Getting to the top of that silly Bluff and looking over directly at Mt Buller . Incredible ! Worst moment ? Getting to the top of that silly Bluff . And walking along the ridge and down to Bluff Hut was pretty tough too - just because it wasn 't straight up didn 't mean it was easy walking . I 'm definitely not in a daily - blogging place right now . Time , energy and the lack of something interesting to write prevent it . Or maybe I 'm just not imaginative enough ? Whatever the reason , I can barely scrape together a couple of posts a week . My dear blogging friend , Frances , has challenged herself to blog every day for a month . Now that 's a brave challenge in my book . I 'm glad she decided to challenge herself right at the moment . Frances makes me laugh and I need to laugh . Her posts are always witty , humorous and beautifully written . Of course , she is a writer so that 's probably a given , but it makes the reading all that much more enjoyable . Her take on life always makes so much sense . To me . I 've discovered over the years that her son Will and my Mr Busy are practically twins . If you ever see posts about messy bedrooms these two boys are truly soul mates . I also discovered this week that we have twin bathrooms that seem to become messy all by themselves . And Frances makes beautiful quilts . Daily blogging is beyond me right now , but I 'm really enjoying the fact that Frances is in the zone . You know those mornings when you don 't have the energy to get up , let alone for what is to come throughout the day ? I told DH I didn 't have the energy for two particular students today and God must have heard - neither were present today . We have a busy week ahead at our place so the meals have become really simple . But tasty . You can 't sacrifice yumminess just because you 're busy ! Weekend : We 'll be hither and thither with meals to match ! I 'm off to do something about dinner and then relax with my stitching . Posted by I 've not been posting much . Put it down to having lots unblogable ( is that a word ? ) things on my mind . In amongst the things that occupy vast amounts of thinking time I 'm seeking out the blessings to be celebrated and enjoyed . I 'm so grateful that God scatters difficult days with little rays of sunshine . We 've just returned to normal after a long weekend thanks to the Melbourne Cup . Both Our School and Dh 's business take the extra day off leaving us free to enjoy a four - day weekend , unlike many others who are required to work on the Monday . For our family this usually means that we get out of town . A double blessing when halloween coincides with the long weekend . We were able to avoid trick or treaters who are inclined to continue knocking on our door well after our children are all tucked into bed . This long weekend we spent our time with my parents at their home in regional Victoria . I 'm sure my poor mother will never cook again , as cooking for a family of 7 must surely stretch one who does not enjoy the task so much . However , we felt spoiled and not just because of being fed , although that always goes a long way . Spring always brings a wide variety of seasons with its weather here in Melbourne - winter and summer with everything in between all in one week . I love that our weather allows for wide variety in our meals as well . BBQ 's and warmer embracing meals all in one week . Perfect . After dipping a brain - addled toe into the waters of non - menu planning I have decided it 's not for me . Truly , I always knew this . Now I am convinced in a new way . Things fall apart around here when meals are not planned or shopped for . I 'm back onto my wagon . Last night I finally got to the supermarket , came home and put a roast on for that meal and made sausage rolls for tonight . Ahhhhhhh . . . . so much better . I 've been pondering what to share for staff devotions on Friday next week . Being one who has a bit of a ' thing ' for children 's books I 've decided to base mine on ' The Grumpalump ' . It is a book that was written a way back in 1990 by Sarah Hayes and was very popular when I had Miss Sunshine . I adored it then and ended up buying a whole set of Reading Together books put together by Walker Books just so I could have this on my shelf . See , my ' thing ' for children 's books goes a long way back ! ! It 's only in the last couple of weeks that I 've realised there is more to this book than meets the eye . I 've been dealing with some pretty significant challenges over the course of this year . Some have been quite painful . Some have required us to make decisions that our children have struggled with and we 've not been at liberty to discuss our reasons with them . The other day as I was reading ' The Grumpalump ' I was reminded that we meet the challenges we face in all kinds of ways - many of which are futile . Many a time I have found myself staring at the trials that have face me . I 've felt numb and paralysed as to what to do , much like the bear in this book . I 've rolled and sat and shoved and pulled and wacked and been left exhausted . Not only that , but all that energy has been for naught and I find myself in much the same place as when it all began . " The bear stared , the cat sat , the mole rolled , the dove shoved , the bull pulled , the yak whacked andthe armadillo used it for a pillow . But the lump still grumped " ' Then the gnu blew ' . I am reminded that I can 't just respond to my challenges in any old way . I have to pray . I have to be proactive in seeking God 's way through things that have no way through in my own strength or knowledge . I wish it was all as simple as that , that my grumpalump would become clear and I 'd know how to deal with it . The truth is some of those challenges remain unclear and God chooses not to reveal His answers just yet . I still feel like the bear staring at the grumpalump most of the time . What I do know is that at some point God will point the way to the spot where I need to act . Just like the gnu . And when He lets me start blowing the challenges will be transformed into something that I never expected and I 'll be able to set off on the journey that God has planned . Just like the gnu . Tonight 's meal is out of my hands - a school association dinner is planned and all I had to do was rsvp . I have to feed the kids , so they 're getting what was once known as Aunty N 's pasta and has now come to be Thursday Night Pasta . Nothing like the yummy pasta meal above , with freshly caught prawns . No . Onion , bacon , tinned tomatoes . Boring according to the kids , yet it fills a whole , it 's quick and it 's pretty healthy . So my day of leisure . . . . began at the ED getting the now - confirmed broken toe checked over . We were sent on our way with a " yep , just keep doing what you 're doing " . Then Dh & I spent some time at the new Ikea store . Fun . Warm days make me think : skirts , shorts , bare feet , barbeques . For today anyway . My non - menu planning meal for tonight is marinated / baked chicken wings with salads . We would 've bbq 'd them , but Dh has cleaned the deck ready for finishing with decking oil so we don 't want to undo all his wonderful work . My Year 1 student was full of marvellous ideas of resting and reading books for me tomorrow - my first day off with no other obligations . He 's such a sweet boy . Now . For me . Not always and not for everyone , but he 's been lovely for me . I may just take him up on his ideas and report back . He 'll be tickled and I 'll need it after having written a L O N G story with him today ! I 'm living dangerously . Seeing how the other half live . Actually , it 's probably got more to do with brain overload and my inability to think about anything else last week . It don 't like it and I really don 't know how people make up their mind at 5pm about what they 'll make for dinner . We 'd be eating frozen vegies and pre - prepared meat from the freezer every night because I wouldn 't be able to think straight by that end of the day ! I know there are those who don 't know how I can be so organised . We 'll just have to agree that everyone works differently , won 't we ? Anyway , so far , we 've had an Asian noodle stir - fry thanks to Miss Sunshine . Tonight we had chicken goujons ( thanks Costco ) & frozen vegies with a jacket potato . I 've no idea what tomorrow will bring . Thursday it 'll be dinner at school . And then I have no idea again . My kids looked at the menu plan on Monday and stared at me dumbfounded " Mum , there 's nothing written down . " They were puzzled . " Oh good , we don 't have to cook tonight , " was my response . In the home where it has been declared illegal ( by the children ) to not be fed this was unacceptable . Miss Sunshine took charge . She 's a take charge kind of girl . * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * My semester has come to an end and I have officially completed a whole year of Uni . Results for all those final assessments will be returned in about a month . And then I have three years to go ! Our medical woes continue . There have been improvements . Mr Busy 's chest is clear as are Miss Mischief 's ears . Miss Sunshine has tried to break a toe - we 'll find out for sure on Thursday with an x - ray . I 'm nearly ready to sell the kids off - I don 't remember ever spending so much time at the doctors , even when they were little and with other bouts of pneumonia that have occured ! Must go and strap up the offending toe ! I 'm speechless . I 'm back at work today - the kids come back on Wednesday . I 'm not ready . I feel like I could stay home another two weeks and that might not be enough . Is it really bad when you start the term with thoughts that go " it 's 9 weeks until holidays " ? I daresay that 's not the best way to start . Illness and assignments are not the way to spend a school holiday ! Poor Miss Mischief has some holiday homework ( there 's a soapbox moment if ever I saw one ) so she 'll be working on that today and tomorrow . The week will start slowly - staff only ( plus staff kids ) . A nice way to ease into the frantic pace of Term 4 . I 'm glad I don 't have to face 3 or 4 classes of children today ! And I 'll study my heart out , submit two assignments and dust the semester off with an online exam on Friday ( after checking in with the doctor , again ! ) . It 's the last day of school holidays for me . And for the kids in a roundabout way , in that they will have to come to school with me on Monday and Tuesday . So we finally got to get out to Costco - something I 'd wanted to do at the start of last week ! We always have fun there , poking about in all kinds of interesting piles of things . So besides boring things like bread , monterey jack cheese and eggs that come in a pack of 3 dozen , we found some fun kitchen toys . Since the girls do so much of the cooking these days they swayed me easily . Well , actually , I 've been wanting a new grater for quite some time . Mind is about 10 years old and it really makes a person work hard . And the girls just loved the different sized boards . I loved that they have stoppers on the corners so the board doesn 't slip on the bench . * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Back at the doctors again today . . . . Miss Mischief is now on antibiotics for an ear infection . Yes - we are ALL on antibiotics ! We are so keeping the medical and pharmacuetical profession in business these days . Mr Busy has managed to get rid of some of the rattling in one lung and just has a bit left in the other . Miss Sunshine is still rattling a lot . We have a whole week now before we have to go back ! Well . . . that 's what an outing feels like when the only time you 've left your house for a few weeks is to visit doctors . Don 't get me wrong - we 'll be back at the doctor 's tomorrow . They 're getting their money 's worth out of us ! We spent the day with my brother and his family today . At their home - so nice and relaxing . Slow , lazy , enjoyable . My brother took his 5yo daughter and Mr Busy out to collect sticks , riding on the mower / trailer combo to do so . Mr Busy was in heaven . He got to do ' boy stuff ' . And then he fell asleep in the car on the way home . All but four of us are on antibiotics now . Miss Sunshine went to get her foot treated again ( long process ) . The doctor heard her cough and ignored the foot . Diagnosis : raging chest infection . I couldn 't believe it . She 's not febrile , she 's eating , she 's not sleeping excessively . There is NO indication whatsoever that she might have something requiring treatment . . . other than the plantar wart we went for in the first place . Mr Busy has yet another double course of medication as he is STILL suffering pnuemonic symptoms . In a perfect world I 'd be staying home with them all next week too . But in the real world I have to go back to work . The good news is that all this convalescing has resulted in an assignment being submitted , a group task is ready for submission as I type . Another requires a little more polishing and I have ONE left to write . . . and a test to study for . Oh roll on next Friday when it 'll all be over . This is what my floor looks like around the chair where I study . Every textbook I use this semester is sitting on that pile , as I go between them regularly . I 've spent much of the weekend on an essay which is now officially in ' polishing ' phase . YAY ! Today I 've been working on two different group projects , both of which are almost finished . Tonight I 'll listen to a couple of lectures . In between all of that we 're celebrating Miss Mischief 's 14th birthday . Fourteen . . . . I really can 't believe she 's already that old . I still think of her as a 12yo . And then every time I look at her she surprises me . I 'll share her birthday menu in a little bit , but first here 's what 's on for the rest of the next frantic assessment - overloaded week : She has no idea about the dessert . A vague reference to chocolate and something fudge - y reminded me of little molten pots from an ABC foodie magazine I have somewhere . I 'll do my best to take photos tonight . Really I will . And I 'll post that recipe for the chocolate pots because everyone needs a show - stopper dessert on hand . Especially a show - stopper in chocolate . It 's Grand Final Day . Something akin to the American Superbowl I suppose . This afternoon there will no doubt be armchair critics informing their teams of what they should be doing . We 've a supporter from each team in our house . . . . that could be interesting . I keep telling Miss Sunshine that it is socially unacceptable to barrack for Collingwood , to which she rolls her 15yo eyes and tells me I 'm not nice . But I 'm right . We 're keeping our little Mr Busy at home to continue his slow recovery and Dh will watch the game with the kids rather than joining others at church to watch it all on a big screen . Me . . . I 'll be preparing for the second storm - Miss Mischief 's birthday next week . The halls of shopping centres around the city will be void of people so I 'm going to enjoy some birthday shopping in peace and in the process avoid an afternoon of football . Sounds like a good compromise to me ! Yesterday our diversion was in the form of going to see ' The Smurfs ' at the movies . It was a delightful movie . Truly a movie for old Smurf lovers like me . The only thing left on our holiday to - do list is a visit to Costco . Sometime late next week might be the way to go . Mr Busy might survive it by then . I 'm tired of Mr Busy being so unwell . Not in a selfish he 's - taking - so - much - of - my - attention kind of way . Tired of it because it 's no fun watching your little boy struggle to overcome an infection that does not want to give up . I was hoping we 'd just spend time relaxing and I 'd watch him regain his health and vigour . Rather I 've watched his health dip again and require another course of antibiotics and more tests . I can 't even think straight to get my essays written . I 'm writing stuff down but it 's pretty ordinary . Where has the sharp edge of my brain gone ? Posted by Here we are - the beginning of Term 3 holidays . Oh what a blissful moment , this morning , when I realised I don 't have to go to work . I can just blob around home . Well . . . . you know . . . what I mean is , I can devote all my daytime hours to Uni assignments and the last few weeks of coursework in my tracky dacks . The kids can spend far too much time watching screens of various descriptions . Oh , and I can make time for a friend to pop in unexpectedly without stressing about the time I should be devoting to assignment writing . Yep . I do find myself hanging out for holidays . Even more so after a couple of weeks of illness around the house . Mr Busy is still coughing a lot . It sounds appalling really , but I know he 's doing so much better so a little bit of unattractive noise isn 't so bad . It 's all about perspective . He went to school and after a physical game of Dr Dodge with his and the next door class he was cactus for the rest of the day . He lay on the couch in the Yr 5 / 6 room where I was and moaned . . . and coughed . . . and didn 't do anything much at all . I know there are purists out there who will say a real curry requires a great deal of preparation from raw ingredients . And they 're probably right . A curry made completely from scratch is divine . But I 'm not from a curry - making heritage , nor do I have the time or inclination to put into creating such a meal . So I go for a really lazy option that tastes pretty darn good . Not only that , if you bulk the meal out with plenty of vegetables , there will be leftovers for lunch . Always a good outcome ! This is not so much a recipe as a loose set of instructions for you to interpret as you will . Finely chop an onion and a clove or two of garlic and saute until softened . Add curry paste to your taste preference and cook until it smells great ( a minute or so ) . For vegies , I include any combination of pumpkin , sweet potato , carrots , cauliflower and zucchini . You could also add a tin of chickpeas if you wanted to . I use curry paste from Aldi ~ use any brand / type you like . It 's your curry ! ! ! I needed photos so my kids joined me in my warm , sunny early morning walk down the track . I love hearing the sound of the creek swishing along as we get closer to it . I love the dappled sunlight and shade along the track . If it weren 't for the leeches I think I 'd be inclined to spend more time down there but alas , the leeches rule the bush ! We didn 't see any this morning though . Mr Busy is going to school tomorrow . It will be some time before his lungs are fully recovered and gunk - free . But he 's bored , he misses his friends and neither of us think he 's sick enough to be home any longer . I think that 's celebration worthy , after two long weeks of illness ! Antibiotics are a marvellous invention . Especially when used to tackle atypical pnuemonia . Mr Busy has finally turned a corner . He 's gotten cheeky again . And annoying . He 's sparkly and chipper even though he is still pale and his eyes are red - rimmed . I 've missed his mischievous little self . A busy day back at work today , for the first time since last Monday . I felt like I 'd missed so very much in the days that I missed , and the kids in Mr Busy 's class are now asking when he 's going to come back to school . They miss him . Hopefully in the next day or two , thanks to antibiotics ! These shoes were a bargain at $ 5 on yesterday 's shopping tour . I have the perfect skirt for these and a perfect day to wear both tomorrow , at 27C ! Where oh where did winter go ? Meanwhile Mr Busy is still unwell with a cough , rash and a temperature that comes and goes . The ED doctor phoned this morning ( apparently she was sufficiently puzzled by him ) to advise another trip to the GP and a second chest x - ray due to the continuing temperature . After a full week of these symptoms the Dr was keen for us to revisit clinical investigation . I appreciated her dedication to his care . I would never have expected an ED to follow up on a patient that was ' treated and streeted ' days ago . Mr Busy and I have been having some sickbed adventures . Sad , but true . I 've been coughing for a week . . . now I have a blocked nose : ( I 've succumbed to buying real cold & flu + cough medicine rather than my prefered ease - a - cold 's . I don 't feel that bad . . . I 'm just tired of coughing all the time . Mr Busy has had a second trip to the ED in a week . On Saturday Dh gave up after 4 hours and came home at 1am . Yesterday our GP decided she didn 't like the way his rash was behaving and sent us back to have it investigated . Four hours , a blood test , a wee test and a chest x - ray later we came home , safe in the knowledge that yes , he just has a nasty virus . Thanks to all the germy kids at school . Yay for sharing ! Meanwhile , my ensuite is fully tiled and being grouted today . It 's a courageous man , who braves the germs of our home to work on the bathroom . The challenge is to keep Mr Busy at a distance to protect Mr Bathroom Fixing Friend 's health . I will share photos at some point when my head is clearer . Firstly menu planning . I sent Dh and the girls off to do the shopping the other day . I was just too tired and wasn 't up to the task . They did a magnificient job so we 're eating well . Mr Busy and I are having a day off together . I 'm not incredibly well . . . . not particularly sick . I 'm in that place in between where we tend to carry on , albeit slowly . Mr Busy , however , has a bevy of symptoms , amongst which is a rash across his torso . Given the amount of sickness going around at school I didn 't feel this was something to share , even though it doesn 't seem all that bad . Dh is unable to have Mr Busy at work for a couple of days so I 've organised some time off to keep him at home . I must say , the timing is quite providential from my own point of view . We all just need to have school holidays now . We 're all tired and getting sick all over the place . A couple of weeks to settle all the bugs down and keep them to ourselves will do us all the world of good . My ensuite is coming along as pieces of the puzzle arrive . The tiles should come today , so work on that can begin . At the moment there is an empty shell . It is waterproofed . The basin and wall cabinet are constructed from Ikea flat packs and sit in the lounge room awaiting the day they are to find themselves in their final resting place . A more energetic person would take photos . Maybe I will . . . . at some point . I must at admit , when he got to ' legs ' I began to panic and thought maybe he 'd contracted the virus that is going around school , decimating classes left , right and centre . Among the many symptoms one that has been suffered by some has been heavy legs . I 'm now sure how he does it ~ his brain just thinks in ' funny ' as he is waking up . My brain only thinks when the need for silence is satisfied . And then it 's just serious stuff going on . Photo Credit : Google Images - a shiny looking bathroom such as I will have soon ! We spent today not with me studiously working on an assignment , as I should have been . No , we spent it in pursuit of items for the creation of a new bathroom . Rotting floor has been removed , along with everything that existed in that space before Wednesday . Today we chose tiles and the vanity stand and basin . Lots of fun . Especially when it included a trip to IKEA . We attempted to visit the new store in Springvale . . . . but we balked at the queue waiting to get into the store and drove to Richmond instead . It was lovely and quiet in there and we were able to browse and make our purchases in relative peace . So . . . we 're sharing a bathroom with the kids again . The only word that can be used to describe the experience is ' interesting ' . I hope my bathroom can be completed by the end of next week : ) Again , better late than never I guess ! Yesterday was busy . A full day at work , a visit from the guy who is fixing our ensuite , homework til 10 . 30pm . A text message from my brother in the throws of parenting little people who are doing some challenging things . Busy . So that 's my excuse for not posting yesterday . On to more exciting things . I got my first high distinction ! That silly music / visual arts test that got postponed and fiddle - faddled with ended up being quite a success for me . . . . thanks to the practice test I did in the week beforehand . What a relief . Poor Mr Busy ~ he was the only one I could tell immediately . When I asked if he knew what that meant he said " does that mean you passed ? " . Poor boy . When I explained he came and jumped about with me for a few moments before returning to his book . Isn 't he sweet ? Here in Australia it is Father 's Day . For us it kind of began last night with the first non - bbq meal of the season . I ended up baking chicken wings because Dh & Mr Busy were out til dark mowing the lawns . Bbq ' ing is men 's work , apparently . But the meal came with Dh 's favourite three salads : potato , corn , tossed so he didn 't mind that it wasn 't really a bbq . This morning the kids offered their gifts and made their Dad scrambled eggs for breakfast . He 's happy . We 're hoping to find somewhere to go for Yum Cha for lunch . I 'm sure an afternoon nap will make his day complete . Another day , another Jamie meal . Tonight it was Pregnant Jools Pasta . I have to smile about the title . Pregnancy is no longer associated with eating ( or not ! ) anything in particular in our house , and hasn 't been for well over 11 years . However , you have to love a recipe that is simple , and this one was . The meal has instructions for a salad and a frangipane tart . I didn 't do the salad , and with no - wheat and no - nut eaters in our family , the dessert was pretty much a no - go . I could 've coped with the wheat but Miss Sunshine cannot have nuts . The recipe said to use ' good ' sausages . I think that 's a misnomer . Good and sausages don 't really belong in the same sentence in my book . However , I found something that looked a little more gourmet that a package of Safeway thin sausages . The meal ended up being pretty tasty . Definitely worth adding to the list of things we enjoy . Everyone headed back for seconds except Mr Busy . I suspect performance nerves are on the rise due to tonight 's music performance night at school . He 's not the up - front kinda guy , preferring all things related to working backstage . Tonight he 'll be on the stage and he 's instructed us not to watch . Poor boy . Sadly misguided . Of course we 'll be watching ! My nephew has just celebrated his first birthday and christening . Being a lover of children 's picture books , I decided I wanted to get him a really nice picture book . You know , something from the CBCA winners list from the last year or two . There have , after all been some great books . The Terrible Plop , Isabella 's Garden , Can I Cuddle the Moon and The Flying Orchestra are the ones that come to mind immediately . I love the stories . I love the pictures . I especially love the ones written in rhyme , because that is my weakness in children 's fiction . Dr Seuss , Lynley Dodd and Mem Fox are always going to give you some good rhyming reading as well as great pictures . Miss Mischief and I headed off to see what we could find . What we discovered is that there are no bookshops at all now , at Fountain Gate . Only Kmart , Target and Big W sell books in any quantity , but children 's literature is not high on their list of titles to be up - to - date with . I was devastated at this discovery . I ended up buying Baby Wombat 's Week ~ the updated version of Diary of a Baby Wombat , which I have on my shelf and adore . A quirky story about a baby Aussie wombat and infuses some basic literacy and maths concepts in a tangible way for little people to understand . I wonder though , where does one go to actually look at and feel and buy books like the ones I was after ? If we can 't go to a shop anymore , how to you run out the day before a birthday event to pick up the story you had in mind for the special little person in your life ? Do good bookshops exist anymore . All these questions reminded me of the Meg Ryan & Tom Hanks movie You 've Got Mail , where Meg 's character owns a children 's bookshop . I want one of those ' just around the corner ' from me ! A quirky little shop brimming with beautiful children 's books . Surely that 's a peek into Heaven ?
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Are you , like me , the kind of adult who falls into a bit of a ' bah humbug ' attitude to Christmas ? I must confess , as I 've gotten older , my family larger and then older , and busier I find the lead up to Christmas quite overwhelming . Each year I think to myself that I will get gifts , and things like that , organised well before December . And then December rolls around and I find myself shopping amidst a crowd of others trying to figure out what on earth to buy for those I care about . This year I think I 've broken through all those feelings of being overwhelmed and it has all to do with knowing what I want to give people . My own family can be amongst the most difficult of all , and yet this year it has been no problem . All of the kids have had things on their Christmas list that give me a great deal of joy to be able to give . In fact Dh , who the hardest of all to buy for , gave me some insight in the middle of the year and I 've had his gift stashed away for three months ! The rest of the bits and pieces that end up happening around all those main family gifts has also come easily , again with the ideas already in place . I wonder , did the Wise Men who came to worship Jesus at his birth also feel overwhelmed and stressed about what to give the baby king ? Now that I 've figured out what it is that had turned me into a scrooge , I 'm hoping the Christmas 's ahead will be calmer and more peaceful . Our summer holiday is also set to be a more peaceful affair as we spend more time at home and holiday with different friends this year . I hope you 're able to identify the things that have you in a ' tizz ' as you prepare for Christmas . May this year truly be one where you feel more peace than panic . As Christmas draws closer we have already begun family celebrations . Our begin with my husband 's side of the family gathering on the Sunday a week before Christmas . It has taken some time , but we have now settled to enjoying the whole day together and then making a camp of it for a couple of extra days . It helps to have a campsite in the family . I 've spent three days watching as 15 of the cousins have played and tumbled about together . It is truly a precious gift to see young people from 22 years all the way down to 5 years enjoying one another , not to mention the adults . We 've enjoyed beautiful meals together and all but demolished a whole box of cherries . What a blessing to live in an area where cherries are grown and to be able to buy them directly from the farmer ! And now we 're back to just being the five of us again . . . . after being a whole clan of shared lives and adventures together . What a wonderful way to begin the school holidays and the Christmas season . I 'm looking forward to the rest of the week and celebrating with my extended family . There is more food to be pondered , considered and prepared . There are more meals to be shared with those we care about . There are gifts to be showered on others . There is something very precious about the end to the school year . My pigeon hole has been constantly refilled with little gifts and cards with beautiful expressions of appreciation for the way I have blessed others through the year . There are class parties throughout the school . We enjoy a whole - school assembly , reminiscing about the joys and highlights of the year . We farewell people ( OK , not so fun ! ) . When I told the Year 6 's that I would have the privilege of working with them a little again next year they were as excited as I was . They are so incredibly precious and they 've grown so much . We all have . Today , with no students remaining the staff spent time packing up and have enjoyed a final meal together . I am again reminded that I work with the most amazing and beautiful people . And I wondered today , why it is that we wait until the end of the year to express our feelings for one another , appreciating the time , talents , gifts and blessings that others pour out on us and our school community . I don 't usually make resolutions for the new year , but I think it a worthy pursuit to encourage others throughout the year . Don 't you agree ? My farewell poem to the man who has taught two of our children over four of the last five years . A man who talks about sowing into the lives of children and " sucking the life " out of every moment . A teacher who is one - of - a - kind and whom we will miss incredibly . Time really flies fast around this time of year ! Since I last posted many , many things have come and gone . Things like graduation nights , a wedding anniversary , the end of Girls ' Brigade , a community Carols night with our lower Primary families , the beginning of my summer Uni subject . Tomorrow we celebrate Dh 's birthday - I 've already told him he needs to do a load of washing and watch TV . Both recently - acquired items that were really for him . I must confess to doing more washing than normal in the last two weeks , purely to watch the machine turn the clothes around and around . It 's such a novelty to be able to see into the washing machine and we 're loving having a front - loader . Christmas shopping has begun semi - earnestly . A great dent was made with online shopping , which I very much preferred . Next year perhaps I 'll get organised early enough and do almost all of it online . I really don 't enjoy shopping , never mind the increased crowds and shopping mall rage impoliteness ! The week ahead , for us , brings the end of the school year . We 'll take a couple of days spending time with Dh 's family and then finish our Christmas preparations . The children are earnestly requesting the opportunity to shop for one another . I think an early morning trip might work best for us all ! It is a tradition we began a few years ago with a $ 5 / person budget to teach the children to consider the person they are giving to . It is beautiful to watch them take on this challenge in more mature ways . You know , I 've thought about this for a few days now and I 'm struggling to come up with one that doesn 't have some specifically Australia - only value ! Obviously many cultures and countries celebrate Easter and Christmas , so those ones don 't count . Here in Victoria we celebrate the commencement of the 8 - hour Labour Day , ANZAC Day , the Queen 's Birthday , Melbourne Cup Day and Boxing Day . I 'm not sure that any of them are ones that others would be inclined to take upon themselves unless they had some reason to do so . I know some of our holidays are celebrated in other countries . Other Commonwealth nations no doubt celebrate the Queen 's birthday and New Zealand also observe ANZAC Day ( hence the A and the NZ at the beginning of the acronym ! ) . I don 't know , maybe Frances will answer her own question ! One thing I will say is that our public holidays are all but done with by June , leaving the latter six months of the year with only one . It 's a long time between long weekends when they 're scattered so unevenly through the year . After all , isn 't that one of the things we enjoy about these days - the opportunity to have a paid day off work enjoying time with our friends and family on picnics and camping trips ? I think that 's part of it ! I have been aware that today ( well , tomorrow my time ) is Thanksgiving Day in the US . Generally speaking I am quite reluctant to take on the customs and traditions of other cultures because they belong to . . . well . . . others . There are definitely things we can enjoy about the ways of others but we don 't necessarily have to take them on as our own , if that makes sense . Thanksgiving Day is one of the few celebrations from another culture that is appealing to me . I think we would all do well to set aside time in our busy lives to focus on the blessings in our lives and I love that Americans have set aside that time . They are indeed a blessed bunch to have that opportunity . If I ever had reason to be living in the US I know this is something I would look forward to ! Given that I can do is take a moment on my day off I thought I 'd post a list of things I am grateful for here : As is often the case , it was over something quite insignificant in the grand scheme of life . A drink of hot chocolate for which permission was not requested nor granted . It should have been a simple matter of admitting to the error and moving on , but instead he chose to lie . Silly really - which is often the case with my children - there was a witness and evidence , yet the lie continued . After some time in his room we had a chat . After explaining how disappointed I was we talked about where lies come from and what God expects of us . I reminded him that I try very hard not to lie to him and that I expect the same in return . The gravity of his actions hit home , however , when I explained that he was being disciplined more harshly for his lie than if he had told the truth and was punished for not following the rules of our home . Not only that but he would now need to rebuild the trust that he had broken . His tears told me that he understood that this is the greater tragedy . That repentant heart earned my cherished young son a cuddle and reassurance of how much he is loved . A defiant heart does not allow for restoration of the broken relationship so immediately , if ever . It made me think about how God wants us to respond to His discipline . Not just about the issue of lying , but about all kinds of things . I am reminded that even as adults we need to be willing to heed the discipline we experience so that our relationship with God is restored . Completely . Oh what memories I have of meal time as a child . I was the one who was still sitting at the dinner table half an hour after everyone else had finished dessert with my main course still unfinished and a bowl of ice - cream sitting before me , taunting me as it melted . I was not to have dessert until my first course was finished . I didn 't enjoy eating what we were dished up . It was not until just a few years ago that I told my mother I had become rather proficient at getting my remaining meal into the bin and covering it up with other rubbish so that no one would know I had thrown it out . She was horrified . Firstly that I had been so deceitful . Secondly that she truly had never known . I pointed out that the was the whole idea - that she would never know and I would never be caught or punished ! It was the most devious thing I ever did , I think . I was raised in the ' 70 's where many Anglo Aussie families dined on boiled - to - death vegetables and grilled - to - a - crisp lamb chops or sausages . Spaghetti sauce was browned mince and a tin of undiluted tomato soup served over pasta . Now I 'm sure there was more variety than that , like chop suey ( yuk ) and casseroles ( which were boring ) but that 's what I remember eating on a day to day basis . The highlight of my dinner life was Mum 's tuna & rice casserole . Cooked rice mixed with a white sauce and a tin of tuna , baked with cheese on top . It 's a meal I still make for my own family - with the addition of onion and garlic . The interesting thing about what we ate back then is that my Dad prefers fairly plain meals even now . And although she tries very hard not to show it , my Mum is a really good cook . On the other hand , I enjoy cooking and as a family we enjoy to adventure of flavours and trying new things ( for the most part ) . In contrast to my own childhood , my children rarely reject what is put before them . I wonder , is it my cooking , their love of food or a combination of both ? Mum likes to come to our house to visit - she says it 's like visiting a restaurant without having to pay the bill at the end . I like to visit Mum 's house - it 's like being on a wonderful holiday from the kitchen . And every now and then she makes me sugar - coated peanuts . Oooohhhhh yeah ! I mentioned yesterday that Miss Mischief enjoyed her belated birthday party . Indeed all the girls who came seemed to enjoy themselves . Miss Mischief chose to have a Mystery Dinner this year and it went beautifully . Lucky for me I will not have this requested for her friends again because now they know . My feet are very happy ! The Mystery Dinner involves a menu of 20 or so items from which to choose . You end up having all 20 items served to you over the course of the evening , but the menu is in ' code ' so the guests have no idea what they are ordering . Even the cutlery is on the menu list . We had five courses , and for each course the guests chose four items . So the way it works is that the guests choose their four items , one course at a time , and their named menu sheets go back to the kitchen . The kitchen ' hands ' put all the bits and pieces together and take the guests ' orders back to them . We did this in rounds all at the same time so that everyone was always on the same course . The guests may end up ordering dessert , a knife , beans and an olive for their first course . They have to eat whatever they 've ordered with whatever implements they have before the next course is ordered . A clever guest might order all their cutlery first which they get to keep all the way through the meal . I did wash some things and return them throughout the evening . Over the years we 've tweaked the original menu to suit ourselves . For example , Miss Mischief preferred beans to peas , and wanted golden syrup dumplings instead of individual pavlova nests for dessert . And we were able to accommodate her . It was a long evening for Miss Sunshine and I . I was in the kitchen at 6am preparing as much of the meal as I could before work . After school I went straight back into the kitchen to get things on the go and ready for quick reheating . Miss Sunshine did a lot of the going backwards and forwards to collect the next course of orders and deliver the requisite items . Do not be misled - this is a time consuming meal . We managed to do it in three hours . Any less would be impossible , I suspect . Miss Mischief also sprinkled the evening with rebus puzzles , having separated the girls into two teams . So we 're up to graduation season at Our School . After a depressing shopping effort looking for wedding attire a month back I managed to find two suitable dresses on Saturday for two separate graduation evenings . The girls were wonderful for objective opinions . I keep telling my brother it 's worth keeping your kids alive so they make it to be teens - my children give him hope . In any case I 'm all set to go with shoes and jewellery organised as well . Miss Mischief enjoyed her belated birthday party on Friday night . After having spent a weekend with her class at camp the weekend before , it was lovely to have all the girls ( bar one ) over for dinner . I 'll have to post about that separately , such was the magnitude of the evening ! I was struck again with how lovely Miss Mischief 's school friends are . Today my blogging friend Frances posted about roasted beets . I 'm not a fan of beetroot myself , having been brought up on the tinned variety . Blech . However , I do love roasted vegies . While we were with my parents a few weeks back Mum did roasted parsnips with one of our meals . Oh my , they were so good . Only Mr Busy rejected them , and the rest of us were keen to have his . It was not quite a brawl . . . . but there was healthy debate as to who would get them ! Mum par - boils her parsnips before roasting . They were lovely and moist on the inside and crunchy on the outside . I think parsnips will have to find their way to my table more often . I don 't often buy them because I thought noone but me like them . The title of this post is really a misnomer . In the flurry of preparing for the weekend and shopping to feed 40 people I did not plan nor shop for us . " I 'll do it on Monday " , I foolishly thought . My achy , tired muscles simply won 't allow it . And I just don 't want to go very fast at the moment . So I 've planned to have roast chicken on Wednesday night and to do a mystery dinner for the Year 8 girls to celebrate Miss Mischief 's long - past birthday . That 's it . That 's all there is . I 'll have to take my achy self to venture through the cupboards and freezer to see what I can find . Truthfully this might be a quick trip because my knees are not happy . And that makes me sound far older than I truly am , but netball in my young adult years was not kind to me . Dh , Miss Mischief and I spent the weekend with her class and quite a few other parents and a couple of teachers on the annual ' Man From Snowy River ' camp . Our Year 8 's study ' The Man From Snowy River ' as one of their English texts and an elective camp is part of the package . They camp in tents with no power or shower block , although there are well - maintained drop loo 's . Meals are all cooked over a camp fire and you have to take everything you need in with you , and everything including your rubbish out at the end . Throughout the camp the kids get to see and experience some sights from the movie , such as horseriding around the area where that magnificent downhill ride scene was filmed . They got to see that hill and hear the story of the filming of that scene . They also hike to the top of ' The Bluff ' - an arduous and challenging trek for those of us who are uphill - walking challenged . The kids were fabulous all weekend long and we all had a lovely time together . My most memorable moment ? Getting to the top of that silly Bluff and looking over directly at Mt Buller . Incredible ! Worst moment ? Getting to the top of that silly Bluff . And walking along the ridge and down to Bluff Hut was pretty tough too - just because it wasn 't straight up didn 't mean it was easy walking . I 'm definitely not in a daily - blogging place right now . Time , energy and the lack of something interesting to write prevent it . Or maybe I 'm just not imaginative enough ? Whatever the reason , I can barely scrape together a couple of posts a week . My dear blogging friend , Frances , has challenged herself to blog every day for a month . Now that 's a brave challenge in my book . I 'm glad she decided to challenge herself right at the moment . Frances makes me laugh and I need to laugh . Her posts are always witty , humorous and beautifully written . Of course , she is a writer so that 's probably a given , but it makes the reading all that much more enjoyable . Her take on life always makes so much sense . To me . I 've discovered over the years that her son Will and my Mr Busy are practically twins . If you ever see posts about messy bedrooms these two boys are truly soul mates . I also discovered this week that we have twin bathrooms that seem to become messy all by themselves . And Frances makes beautiful quilts . Daily blogging is beyond me right now , but I 'm really enjoying the fact that Frances is in the zone . You know those mornings when you don 't have the energy to get up , let alone for what is to come throughout the day ? I told DH I didn 't have the energy for two particular students today and God must have heard - neither were present today . We have a busy week ahead at our place so the meals have become really simple . But tasty . You can 't sacrifice yumminess just because you 're busy ! Weekend : We 'll be hither and thither with meals to match ! I 'm off to do something about dinner and then relax with my stitching . Posted by I 've not been posting much . Put it down to having lots unblogable ( is that a word ? ) things on my mind . In amongst the things that occupy vast amounts of thinking time I 'm seeking out the blessings to be celebrated and enjoyed . I 'm so grateful that God scatters difficult days with little rays of sunshine . We 've just returned to normal after a long weekend thanks to the Melbourne Cup . Both Our School and Dh 's business take the extra day off leaving us free to enjoy a four - day weekend , unlike many others who are required to work on the Monday . For our family this usually means that we get out of town . A double blessing when halloween coincides with the long weekend . We were able to avoid trick or treaters who are inclined to continue knocking on our door well after our children are all tucked into bed . This long weekend we spent our time with my parents at their home in regional Victoria . I 'm sure my poor mother will never cook again , as cooking for a family of 7 must surely stretch one who does not enjoy the task so much . However , we felt spoiled and not just because of being fed , although that always goes a long way . Spring always brings a wide variety of seasons with its weather here in Melbourne - winter and summer with everything in between all in one week . I love that our weather allows for wide variety in our meals as well . BBQ 's and warmer embracing meals all in one week . Perfect . After dipping a brain - addled toe into the waters of non - menu planning I have decided it 's not for me . Truly , I always knew this . Now I am convinced in a new way . Things fall apart around here when meals are not planned or shopped for . I 'm back onto my wagon . Last night I finally got to the supermarket , came home and put a roast on for that meal and made sausage rolls for tonight . Ahhhhhhh . . . . so much better . I 've been pondering what to share for staff devotions on Friday next week . Being one who has a bit of a ' thing ' for children 's books I 've decided to base mine on ' The Grumpalump ' . It is a book that was written a way back in 1990 by Sarah Hayes and was very popular when I had Miss Sunshine . I adored it then and ended up buying a whole set of Reading Together books put together by Walker Books just so I could have this on my shelf . See , my ' thing ' for children 's books goes a long way back ! ! It 's only in the last couple of weeks that I 've realised there is more to this book than meets the eye . I 've been dealing with some pretty significant challenges over the course of this year . Some have been quite painful . Some have required us to make decisions that our children have struggled with and we 've not been at liberty to discuss our reasons with them . The other day as I was reading ' The Grumpalump ' I was reminded that we meet the challenges we face in all kinds of ways - many of which are futile . Many a time I have found myself staring at the trials that have face me . I 've felt numb and paralysed as to what to do , much like the bear in this book . I 've rolled and sat and shoved and pulled and wacked and been left exhausted . Not only that , but all that energy has been for naught and I find myself in much the same place as when it all began . " The bear stared , the cat sat , the mole rolled , the dove shoved , the bull pulled , the yak whacked andthe armadillo used it for a pillow . But the lump still grumped " ' Then the gnu blew ' . I am reminded that I can 't just respond to my challenges in any old way . I have to pray . I have to be proactive in seeking God 's way through things that have no way through in my own strength or knowledge . I wish it was all as simple as that , that my grumpalump would become clear and I 'd know how to deal with it . The truth is some of those challenges remain unclear and God chooses not to reveal His answers just yet . I still feel like the bear staring at the grumpalump most of the time . What I do know is that at some point God will point the way to the spot where I need to act . Just like the gnu . And when He lets me start blowing the challenges will be transformed into something that I never expected and I 'll be able to set off on the journey that God has planned . Just like the gnu . Tonight 's meal is out of my hands - a school association dinner is planned and all I had to do was rsvp . I have to feed the kids , so they 're getting what was once known as Aunty N 's pasta and has now come to be Thursday Night Pasta . Nothing like the yummy pasta meal above , with freshly caught prawns . No . Onion , bacon , tinned tomatoes . Boring according to the kids , yet it fills a whole , it 's quick and it 's pretty healthy . So my day of leisure . . . . began at the ED getting the now - confirmed broken toe checked over . We were sent on our way with a " yep , just keep doing what you 're doing " . Then Dh & I spent some time at the new Ikea store . Fun . Warm days make me think : skirts , shorts , bare feet , barbeques . For today anyway . My non - menu planning meal for tonight is marinated / baked chicken wings with salads . We would 've bbq 'd them , but Dh has cleaned the deck ready for finishing with decking oil so we don 't want to undo all his wonderful work . My Year 1 student was full of marvellous ideas of resting and reading books for me tomorrow - my first day off with no other obligations . He 's such a sweet boy . Now . For me . Not always and not for everyone , but he 's been lovely for me . I may just take him up on his ideas and report back . He 'll be tickled and I 'll need it after having written a L O N G story with him today ! I 'm living dangerously . Seeing how the other half live . Actually , it 's probably got more to do with brain overload and my inability to think about anything else last week . It don 't like it and I really don 't know how people make up their mind at 5pm about what they 'll make for dinner . We 'd be eating frozen vegies and pre - prepared meat from the freezer every night because I wouldn 't be able to think straight by that end of the day ! I know there are those who don 't know how I can be so organised . We 'll just have to agree that everyone works differently , won 't we ? Anyway , so far , we 've had an Asian noodle stir - fry thanks to Miss Sunshine . Tonight we had chicken goujons ( thanks Costco ) & frozen vegies with a jacket potato . I 've no idea what tomorrow will bring . Thursday it 'll be dinner at school . And then I have no idea again . My kids looked at the menu plan on Monday and stared at me dumbfounded " Mum , there 's nothing written down . " They were puzzled . " Oh good , we don 't have to cook tonight , " was my response . In the home where it has been declared illegal ( by the children ) to not be fed this was unacceptable . Miss Sunshine took charge . She 's a take charge kind of girl . * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * My semester has come to an end and I have officially completed a whole year of Uni . Results for all those final assessments will be returned in about a month . And then I have three years to go ! Our medical woes continue . There have been improvements . Mr Busy 's chest is clear as are Miss Mischief 's ears . Miss Sunshine has tried to break a toe - we 'll find out for sure on Thursday with an x - ray . I 'm nearly ready to sell the kids off - I don 't remember ever spending so much time at the doctors , even when they were little and with other bouts of pneumonia that have occured ! Must go and strap up the offending toe ! I 'm speechless . I 'm back at work today - the kids come back on Wednesday . I 'm not ready . I feel like I could stay home another two weeks and that might not be enough . Is it really bad when you start the term with thoughts that go " it 's 9 weeks until holidays " ? I daresay that 's not the best way to start . Illness and assignments are not the way to spend a school holiday ! Poor Miss Mischief has some holiday homework ( there 's a soapbox moment if ever I saw one ) so she 'll be working on that today and tomorrow . The week will start slowly - staff only ( plus staff kids ) . A nice way to ease into the frantic pace of Term 4 . I 'm glad I don 't have to face 3 or 4 classes of children today ! And I 'll study my heart out , submit two assignments and dust the semester off with an online exam on Friday ( after checking in with the doctor , again ! ) . It 's the last day of school holidays for me . And for the kids in a roundabout way , in that they will have to come to school with me on Monday and Tuesday . So we finally got to get out to Costco - something I 'd wanted to do at the start of last week ! We always have fun there , poking about in all kinds of interesting piles of things . So besides boring things like bread , monterey jack cheese and eggs that come in a pack of 3 dozen , we found some fun kitchen toys . Since the girls do so much of the cooking these days they swayed me easily . Well , actually , I 've been wanting a new grater for quite some time . Mind is about 10 years old and it really makes a person work hard . And the girls just loved the different sized boards . I loved that they have stoppers on the corners so the board doesn 't slip on the bench . * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Back at the doctors again today . . . . Miss Mischief is now on antibiotics for an ear infection . Yes - we are ALL on antibiotics ! We are so keeping the medical and pharmacuetical profession in business these days . Mr Busy has managed to get rid of some of the rattling in one lung and just has a bit left in the other . Miss Sunshine is still rattling a lot . We have a whole week now before we have to go back ! Well . . . that 's what an outing feels like when the only time you 've left your house for a few weeks is to visit doctors . Don 't get me wrong - we 'll be back at the doctor 's tomorrow . They 're getting their money 's worth out of us ! We spent the day with my brother and his family today . At their home - so nice and relaxing . Slow , lazy , enjoyable . My brother took his 5yo daughter and Mr Busy out to collect sticks , riding on the mower / trailer combo to do so . Mr Busy was in heaven . He got to do ' boy stuff ' . And then he fell asleep in the car on the way home . All but four of us are on antibiotics now . Miss Sunshine went to get her foot treated again ( long process ) . The doctor heard her cough and ignored the foot . Diagnosis : raging chest infection . I couldn 't believe it . She 's not febrile , she 's eating , she 's not sleeping excessively . There is NO indication whatsoever that she might have something requiring treatment . . . other than the plantar wart we went for in the first place . Mr Busy has yet another double course of medication as he is STILL suffering pnuemonic symptoms . In a perfect world I 'd be staying home with them all next week too . But in the real world I have to go back to work . The good news is that all this convalescing has resulted in an assignment being submitted , a group task is ready for submission as I type . Another requires a little more polishing and I have ONE left to write . . . and a test to study for . Oh roll on next Friday when it 'll all be over . This is what my floor looks like around the chair where I study . Every textbook I use this semester is sitting on that pile , as I go between them regularly . I 've spent much of the weekend on an essay which is now officially in ' polishing ' phase . YAY ! Today I 've been working on two different group projects , both of which are almost finished . Tonight I 'll listen to a couple of lectures . In between all of that we 're celebrating Miss Mischief 's 14th birthday . Fourteen . . . . I really can 't believe she 's already that old . I still think of her as a 12yo . And then every time I look at her she surprises me . I 'll share her birthday menu in a little bit , but first here 's what 's on for the rest of the next frantic assessment - overloaded week : She has no idea about the dessert . A vague reference to chocolate and something fudge - y reminded me of little molten pots from an ABC foodie magazine I have somewhere . I 'll do my best to take photos tonight . Really I will . And I 'll post that recipe for the chocolate pots because everyone needs a show - stopper dessert on hand . Especially a show - stopper in chocolate . It 's Grand Final Day . Something akin to the American Superbowl I suppose . This afternoon there will no doubt be armchair critics informing their teams of what they should be doing . We 've a supporter from each team in our house . . . . that could be interesting . I keep telling Miss Sunshine that it is socially unacceptable to barrack for Collingwood , to which she rolls her 15yo eyes and tells me I 'm not nice . But I 'm right . We 're keeping our little Mr Busy at home to continue his slow recovery and Dh will watch the game with the kids rather than joining others at church to watch it all on a big screen . Me . . . I 'll be preparing for the second storm - Miss Mischief 's birthday next week . The halls of shopping centres around the city will be void of people so I 'm going to enjoy some birthday shopping in peace and in the process avoid an afternoon of football . Sounds like a good compromise to me ! Yesterday our diversion was in the form of going to see ' The Smurfs ' at the movies . It was a delightful movie . Truly a movie for old Smurf lovers like me . The only thing left on our holiday to - do list is a visit to Costco . Sometime late next week might be the way to go . Mr Busy might survive it by then . I 'm tired of Mr Busy being so unwell . Not in a selfish he 's - taking - so - much - of - my - attention kind of way . Tired of it because it 's no fun watching your little boy struggle to overcome an infection that does not want to give up . I was hoping we 'd just spend time relaxing and I 'd watch him regain his health and vigour . Rather I 've watched his health dip again and require another course of antibiotics and more tests . I can 't even think straight to get my essays written . I 'm writing stuff down but it 's pretty ordinary . Where has the sharp edge of my brain gone ? Posted by Here we are - the beginning of Term 3 holidays . Oh what a blissful moment , this morning , when I realised I don 't have to go to work . I can just blob around home . Well . . . . you know . . . what I mean is , I can devote all my daytime hours to Uni assignments and the last few weeks of coursework in my tracky dacks . The kids can spend far too much time watching screens of various descriptions . Oh , and I can make time for a friend to pop in unexpectedly without stressing about the time I should be devoting to assignment writing . Yep . I do find myself hanging out for holidays . Even more so after a couple of weeks of illness around the house . Mr Busy is still coughing a lot . It sounds appalling really , but I know he 's doing so much better so a little bit of unattractive noise isn 't so bad . It 's all about perspective . He went to school and after a physical game of Dr Dodge with his and the next door class he was cactus for the rest of the day . He lay on the couch in the Yr 5 / 6 room where I was and moaned . . . and coughed . . . and didn 't do anything much at all . I know there are purists out there who will say a real curry requires a great deal of preparation from raw ingredients . And they 're probably right . A curry made completely from scratch is divine . But I 'm not from a curry - making heritage , nor do I have the time or inclination to put into creating such a meal . So I go for a really lazy option that tastes pretty darn good . Not only that , if you bulk the meal out with plenty of vegetables , there will be leftovers for lunch . Always a good outcome ! This is not so much a recipe as a loose set of instructions for you to interpret as you will . Finely chop an onion and a clove or two of garlic and saute until softened . Add curry paste to your taste preference and cook until it smells great ( a minute or so ) . For vegies , I include any combination of pumpkin , sweet potato , carrots , cauliflower and zucchini . You could also add a tin of chickpeas if you wanted to . I use curry paste from Aldi ~ use any brand / type you like . It 's your curry ! ! ! I needed photos so my kids joined me in my warm , sunny early morning walk down the track . I love hearing the sound of the creek swishing along as we get closer to it . I love the dappled sunlight and shade along the track . If it weren 't for the leeches I think I 'd be inclined to spend more time down there but alas , the leeches rule the bush ! We didn 't see any this morning though . Mr Busy is going to school tomorrow . It will be some time before his lungs are fully recovered and gunk - free . But he 's bored , he misses his friends and neither of us think he 's sick enough to be home any longer . I think that 's celebration worthy , after two long weeks of illness ! Antibiotics are a marvellous invention . Especially when used to tackle atypical pnuemonia . Mr Busy has finally turned a corner . He 's gotten cheeky again . And annoying . He 's sparkly and chipper even though he is still pale and his eyes are red - rimmed . I 've missed his mischievous little self . A busy day back at work today , for the first time since last Monday . I felt like I 'd missed so very much in the days that I missed , and the kids in Mr Busy 's class are now asking when he 's going to come back to school . They miss him . Hopefully in the next day or two , thanks to antibiotics ! These shoes were a bargain at $ 5 on yesterday 's shopping tour . I have the perfect skirt for these and a perfect day to wear both tomorrow , at 27C ! Where oh where did winter go ? Meanwhile Mr Busy is still unwell with a cough , rash and a temperature that comes and goes . The ED doctor phoned this morning ( apparently she was sufficiently puzzled by him ) to advise another trip to the GP and a second chest x - ray due to the continuing temperature . After a full week of these symptoms the Dr was keen for us to revisit clinical investigation . I appreciated her dedication to his care . I would never have expected an ED to follow up on a patient that was ' treated and streeted ' days ago . Mr Busy and I have been having some sickbed adventures . Sad , but true . I 've been coughing for a week . . . now I have a blocked nose : ( I 've succumbed to buying real cold & flu + cough medicine rather than my prefered ease - a - cold 's . I don 't feel that bad . . . I 'm just tired of coughing all the time . Mr Busy has had a second trip to the ED in a week . On Saturday Dh gave up after 4 hours and came home at 1am . Yesterday our GP decided she didn 't like the way his rash was behaving and sent us back to have it investigated . Four hours , a blood test , a wee test and a chest x - ray later we came home , safe in the knowledge that yes , he just has a nasty virus . Thanks to all the germy kids at school . Yay for sharing ! Meanwhile , my ensuite is fully tiled and being grouted today . It 's a courageous man , who braves the germs of our home to work on the bathroom . The challenge is to keep Mr Busy at a distance to protect Mr Bathroom Fixing Friend 's health . I will share photos at some point when my head is clearer . Firstly menu planning . I sent Dh and the girls off to do the shopping the other day . I was just too tired and wasn 't up to the task . They did a magnificient job so we 're eating well . Mr Busy and I are having a day off together . I 'm not incredibly well . . . . not particularly sick . I 'm in that place in between where we tend to carry on , albeit slowly . Mr Busy , however , has a bevy of symptoms , amongst which is a rash across his torso . Given the amount of sickness going around at school I didn 't feel this was something to share , even though it doesn 't seem all that bad . Dh is unable to have Mr Busy at work for a couple of days so I 've organised some time off to keep him at home . I must say , the timing is quite providential from my own point of view . We all just need to have school holidays now . We 're all tired and getting sick all over the place . A couple of weeks to settle all the bugs down and keep them to ourselves will do us all the world of good . My ensuite is coming along as pieces of the puzzle arrive . The tiles should come today , so work on that can begin . At the moment there is an empty shell . It is waterproofed . The basin and wall cabinet are constructed from Ikea flat packs and sit in the lounge room awaiting the day they are to find themselves in their final resting place . A more energetic person would take photos . Maybe I will . . . . at some point . I must at admit , when he got to ' legs ' I began to panic and thought maybe he 'd contracted the virus that is going around school , decimating classes left , right and centre . Among the many symptoms one that has been suffered by some has been heavy legs . I 'm now sure how he does it ~ his brain just thinks in ' funny ' as he is waking up . My brain only thinks when the need for silence is satisfied . And then it 's just serious stuff going on . Photo Credit : Google Images - a shiny looking bathroom such as I will have soon ! We spent today not with me studiously working on an assignment , as I should have been . No , we spent it in pursuit of items for the creation of a new bathroom . Rotting floor has been removed , along with everything that existed in that space before Wednesday . Today we chose tiles and the vanity stand and basin . Lots of fun . Especially when it included a trip to IKEA . We attempted to visit the new store in Springvale . . . . but we balked at the queue waiting to get into the store and drove to Richmond instead . It was lovely and quiet in there and we were able to browse and make our purchases in relative peace . So . . . we 're sharing a bathroom with the kids again . The only word that can be used to describe the experience is ' interesting ' . I hope my bathroom can be completed by the end of next week : ) Again , better late than never I guess ! Yesterday was busy . A full day at work , a visit from the guy who is fixing our ensuite , homework til 10 . 30pm . A text message from my brother in the throws of parenting little people who are doing some challenging things . Busy . So that 's my excuse for not posting yesterday . On to more exciting things . I got my first high distinction ! That silly music / visual arts test that got postponed and fiddle - faddled with ended up being quite a success for me . . . . thanks to the practice test I did in the week beforehand . What a relief . Poor Mr Busy ~ he was the only one I could tell immediately . When I asked if he knew what that meant he said " does that mean you passed ? " . Poor boy . When I explained he came and jumped about with me for a few moments before returning to his book . Isn 't he sweet ? Here in Australia it is Father 's Day . For us it kind of began last night with the first non - bbq meal of the season . I ended up baking chicken wings because Dh & Mr Busy were out til dark mowing the lawns . Bbq ' ing is men 's work , apparently . But the meal came with Dh 's favourite three salads : potato , corn , tossed so he didn 't mind that it wasn 't really a bbq . This morning the kids offered their gifts and made their Dad scrambled eggs for breakfast . He 's happy . We 're hoping to find somewhere to go for Yum Cha for lunch . I 'm sure an afternoon nap will make his day complete . Another day , another Jamie meal . Tonight it was Pregnant Jools Pasta . I have to smile about the title . Pregnancy is no longer associated with eating ( or not ! ) anything in particular in our house , and hasn 't been for well over 11 years . However , you have to love a recipe that is simple , and this one was . The meal has instructions for a salad and a frangipane tart . I didn 't do the salad , and with no - wheat and no - nut eaters in our family , the dessert was pretty much a no - go . I could 've coped with the wheat but Miss Sunshine cannot have nuts . The recipe said to use ' good ' sausages . I think that 's a misnomer . Good and sausages don 't really belong in the same sentence in my book . However , I found something that looked a little more gourmet that a package of Safeway thin sausages . The meal ended up being pretty tasty . Definitely worth adding to the list of things we enjoy . Everyone headed back for seconds except Mr Busy . I suspect performance nerves are on the rise due to tonight 's music performance night at school . He 's not the up - front kinda guy , preferring all things related to working backstage . Tonight he 'll be on the stage and he 's instructed us not to watch . Poor boy . Sadly misguided . Of course we 'll be watching ! My nephew has just celebrated his first birthday and christening . Being a lover of children 's picture books , I decided I wanted to get him a really nice picture book . You know , something from the CBCA winners list from the last year or two . There have , after all been some great books . The Terrible Plop , Isabella 's Garden , Can I Cuddle the Moon and The Flying Orchestra are the ones that come to mind immediately . I love the stories . I love the pictures . I especially love the ones written in rhyme , because that is my weakness in children 's fiction . Dr Seuss , Lynley Dodd and Mem Fox are always going to give you some good rhyming reading as well as great pictures . Miss Mischief and I headed off to see what we could find . What we discovered is that there are no bookshops at all now , at Fountain Gate . Only Kmart , Target and Big W sell books in any quantity , but children 's literature is not high on their list of titles to be up - to - date with . I was devastated at this discovery . I ended up buying Baby Wombat 's Week ~ the updated version of Diary of a Baby Wombat , which I have on my shelf and adore . A quirky story about a baby Aussie wombat and infuses some basic literacy and maths concepts in a tangible way for little people to understand . I wonder though , where does one go to actually look at and feel and buy books like the ones I was after ? If we can 't go to a shop anymore , how to you run out the day before a birthday event to pick up the story you had in mind for the special little person in your life ? Do good bookshops exist anymore . All these questions reminded me of the Meg Ryan & Tom Hanks movie You 've Got Mail , where Meg 's character owns a children 's bookshop . I want one of those ' just around the corner ' from me ! A quirky little shop brimming with beautiful children 's books . Surely that 's a peek into Heaven ?
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And though we 'll never fully understand how we let the events preceding the war and during it happen , here 's a glimpse of life in 1945 in a way we can maybe understand . Restored in 1080p HD and in color , this is footage showing what daily life in Berlin was like in July of 1945 after the war . The detail is incredible . With the release of the first developer beta of iOS 8 . 4 this evening , Apple gave us the first look at the oft - rumored redesign of the Music app . With the expected announcement of Apple 's streaming music service happening in June , the Music app redesign has been expected for several months now . The newly introduced Music app offers a handful of new features in the first beta of iOS 8 . 4 , as well as a redesigned interface that 's similar to iTunes on the Mac . Let 's take a brief look … When you first open the new Music app you 'll quickly notice that the standard tabbed interface has been changed dramatically . Along the bottom of the app are now three tabs for " My Music , " " Playlists , " and " Radio . " You can swipe left and right to navigate between the interfaces . The " My Music " interface shows your recently added music along the top , similar to the recently added section in iTunes on the Mac . Unfortunately , however , you only see the three most recent items added . The interface makes it look like you should be able to scroll horizontally to view more , but you can 't as of beta 1 . Although , there is a " more " button that allows to view additional recently added content in the upper right corner . Below the " Recently Added " section is all of your music , whether it is stored locally on your device or in the cloud . By default , the music is broken up by artist , although there is an arrow you can tap to choose to sort by artists , albums , songs , music videos , genres , composers , or complications . If you click the three dots next to a selection , you have the ability to play it next , add it to Up Next , make it available offline , and delete it . Gone is the ability to swipe left to delete a song and gone is the cloud icon that used to allow you to download a song . You now have to click the three dots to perform either of those tasks . One of my favorite features in the iOS 8 . 4 Music app is the ability to manage your queue of songs . Apple has offered this in iTunes on the Mac for a while now , but never on iOS . With iOS 8 . 4 , however , you can now choose to play a song next , or add it to your full queue . Spotify and other music apps offer features similar to this , so it 's nice to see Apple finally catching on . Tapping on an artist from the artists page will bring you to all of the content you own by that specific musician . With a hero image at the top that fades to be the color the top menu bar as you scroll down , it 's a really pleasing interface . It can get a bit overwhelming if you have a lot of content by a single artist , but no more so than the original iOS 8 music player did . The player interface itself in iOS 8 . 4 has been dramatically overhauled . The album artwork takes up roughly half of the interface , while the controls take up the other portion . Along the bottom of the interface are options for shuffling , repeating , viewing your queue , deleting the track , and downloading the track . The bottom portion of the interface is somewhat translucent with the shade adjusting depending on the color of the album to which you 're listening . To get out of the player interface , you can either click the down air in the upper right corner or swipe down on the album artwork . Overall , I like the new player interface and how spread out it is compared to the original iOS 8 Music app . Moving to the Playlists interface you 'll see another recently added section at the top for your recently modified or created playlists . Below that is a list of all your playlists with the ability to edit and delete them , as well as create new ones . The Playlists interface is somewhat bland at this point , with there being no options to sort or order them . Although it 's important to keep in mind that this is the first beta of the app , so Apple can and will adjust things as time progresses . Finally , the Radio tab shows your recently three most recently played stations along the top . Below your recently played stations are the featured stations from Apple , with more featured stations broken down my genre visible below that . As of beta 1 , there doesn 't appear to be any way to view your saved iTunes Radio stations . Instead , you rely solely on your recently played stations and search to find content other than what is featured by Apple . The iTunes Radio interface almost feels cramped with the iOS 8 . 4 Music app . The album artwork for stations is so large and pushed together that it 's somewhat cluttered . Also , Apple needs to add back the ability to save iTunes Radio stations . It 's a pain to have to search every time you want to find a station to listen to . Also gone is the " info " screen that allowed you to tune stations and choose between clean and explicit versions of tracks . Again , this is a beta so things can and will change . Overall , the Music interface Apple has previewed with the first developer beta of iOS 8 . 4 is promising . Its similarity to iTunes on the Mac will make it familiar to many users . There are still some areas in which Apple needs to improve it , however , and that 's to be expected with a beta . Some of the buttons are awkwardly small , while the iTunes Radio interface is cluttered and unintuitive . Nevertheless , I 'm a fan of the overall design direction Apple has taken the Music app and I think , especially when coupled with a streaming music service , it will be unmatched by its rivals . More images below : DOMINATRIX : I come from a very Catholic background . My cousin once put up photos of herself wearing a mini skirt in London and my mom assumed she was an escort . It 's like , are you serious ? This is how people dress . It 's ridiculous . She 's very conservative . I still feel like in many ways I 'm trapped in her past . A friend and I were in Long Island City at the time , living in an illegal apartment . The landlord was absent . It was an unofficial squat but we still needed money to live . We had power and water , somehow we were on the grid , yet things weren 't official . My theory is that the people who lived there before us hooked it all up . Apparently , it was a family of vagabond gypsies . When they found out they were getting evicted , they got super spiteful and plugged up all the drains with doll heads . One day , the place flooded really bad and we were buried in three feet of water . We realized these conditions were just too fucked up but decided to make the most of it because we couldn 't afford anything better . We decided to throw crazy parties and trash the place and to then have a slave come in and pay us to clean up after us . Then , you know , pay us for other stuff as well . We wondered if this was possible . It turned out to be completely possible . One post on Craigslist and we were flooded with a million responses from a million guys named Mark Smith . They all used pseudonyms . Everything fell into place . When we first started off , we didn 't have any of the equipment . We had a few corsets but we decided to make the most of what little we had . We would have them strip down completely naked and wear women 's underwear . We would have them get down on the floor and clean the entire place in a thong and take out the garbage . The neighbors eventually began watching this from their fire escape . We made money from the parties , but not nearly as much as we were making from the dom sessions . We would charge $ 200 an hour . We would eventually bring it up to $ 300 and ask them to buy us stuff . We quickly established rules . They weren 't allowed to make eye contact with us . They constantly had to keep their eyes to the floor . If they even looked up they would have to go to the backyard , take a twig and we would punish them . After the whole squat thing , I worked at a dungeon . That was wonderful because even though you are working for someone else , you have protection . You have more at your disposal . You have all the little fantasy rooms to work with . You have a lot more control . The clientele was completely up to us and our comfort level . It 's not sketchy at all . I think it 's actually a very sterile scene to be honest . If you 're doing this in dungeons , it 's very controlled . You 're not allowed to draw blood . Full on nudity is not allowed because that would enter the realms of prostitution . When you 're doing it at home on your own , it does get crazier . I had guys who came to me with knives and wanted to get stabbed . Or they would ask me to stab them with a fucking skewer . That one was actually a professor at the college I went to . I just avoided that department from then on . I never went by the geology department or rock class after that . DOMINATRIX : And the other way around , if Master P had clients that were only into being dominated by a dude . I would just sit in the bedroom with a weapon , just in case I needed to run out . We would never be in the house alone . MASTER P : When we first started dating , Dominatrix had told me the stories , but it wasn 't a confessional . It was just hilarious and private . Growing up in New York City , half of my friends had worked at dungeons and related places over the years . All of the places were in Midtown . I had a friend who by the end of high school was already working at Nutcracker . She would be at my doorstep at 7 in the morning and my parents would make her coffee . She would have thousands of dollars on her and usually some Ketamine . Now she 's married with kids . DOMINATRIX : We quickly established rules . They weren 't allowed to make eye contact with us . They constantly had to keep their eyes to the floor . If they even looked up they would have to go to the backyard , take a twig and we would punish them . It was easy to weed sketchy guys out through email . At first , it was the guys that sent the dick pics that immediatly raised red flags . But eventually , you learn to pick up things just from the tone of their email . The truly submissive , those who are truly into the S & M thing , will approach you with a sense of respect . And there would never be a paper trail . DOMINATRIX : A lot of these guys are just really lonely and this was sort of a way of making a connection . We wouldn 't hear from some of them for months after a session but would later get a message asking , " Maybe we can meet up for coffee or sometime ? " It 's clearly coming out of loneliness . MASTER P : We would advertise for ATM slaves which would mean literally their job was to go with us to an ATM and take all your money out . Those people exist . It 's like , if you find that unicorn , you ride that unicorn . We found people that had a lot of money . They literally got us through school . MASTER P : I decided I wanted some nice electronics . He was a middle aged social worker . The subject matter was heavy for him , so the S & M was a way to get out of it . I 've never been really about tech but I told him to get me a Blackberry , an iPod touch , and a Macbook . The guy showed up two days later at my door with all three . The only thing this guy wanted to do was massage my feet and talk about literature . It wasn 't bad at all . I would smoke a joint and maybe listen to NPR . DOMINATRIX : I had this one guy who pretty much paid me to break his leg . I couldn 't do it . It 's really difficult to shatter a leg with a mallet . He was a high end lawyer so I went to his condo with a mallet in my bag . His whole thing was to get put in a cast . That was what he got off on . I never ended up shattering his leg . I was going into a frenzy trying to shatter a fucking bone . After an hour , it just ended up being super bruised and swollen , but he casted himself up anyway because that was kind of the whole point . DOMINATRIX : A lot of them would tell me stories about their fucked up childhoods . This one dude was into being kidnapped . So he would come over as a delivery boy with lunch or whatever . We would take the lunch from him , trip him , kidnap him , tie him up . It got weird once they decided to share their lives with us , why he thinks he 's into this . This guy said friends would kidnap him as a child and dress him in women 's clothing and parade him around the neighborhood . DOMINATRIX : In their personal or professional lives , a lot of these men are very dominant because a lot of them happen to be very wealthy . Since they are in positions of power , the S & M may be a balancing act for them . They need to exercise both sides , that 's important especially when you have the money . There are a lot of people that are into the controlling parent situation , especially that one guy who was really into the whole military uniform thing . He was into one of us tormenting him while the other comforted him and told him that everything 's okay . It gets into this weird sort of very classic Eastern European childhood scenario . One parent torments you while the other one tells you you 're not allowed to go anywhere because everything will be fine . There 's an afterlife , there 's no need to flee . These sessions would usually last from 45 minutes to a couple of hours . The guy who was into getting kidnapped , I would tie him up and leave him in the bathroom for hours . You know , go outside , come back , live my life , do my homework . MASTER P : If they are doing your laundry , it 's gonna be three hours . They would do the dishes , clean our tiles with a toothbrush . A lot of things would get cleaned with toothbrushes . But here 's the thing ; a lot of these guys would do a shitty job cleaning because they want to be punished . So you really need to make sure they actually clean things properly , otherwise you have to clean after them . So you would get people who would literally leave a glass dirty while they 're doing dishes so you punish them . If I was going to be doing something for three hours , for an hour I 'd put them on their hands and knees and use them as a footstool . If I needed to ash my cigarette , I 'd have them put out their hand for me . MASTER P : We would play violin music . You either have really powerful gay men or a lot of sad sacks . I think you had more high power people . MASTER P : When you work for tips , you 're smiling at people you can 't stand . So I feel like in these kinds of situations when you 're playing a part that this person 's paying you for , they are definitely attracted to you if you 're doing a good job . You 're giving them something that no one else is , so you become very special . I found that once people start pathologizing themselves to you , they 'll never turn back . The second they try to explain themselves to you , that says that they 've gotten to a point where they actually see you as a person who they need to justify themselves to , and the whole power dynamic is gone . MASTER P : I got a Facebook friend request from one guy a year ago . He must have searched my phone number or something . I don 't even remember him as a client . We would advertise for ATM slaves which would mean literally their job was to go with us to an ATM and take all your money out . Those people exist . It 's like , if you find that unicorn , you ride that unicorn . MASTER P : I had one guy who bruised his hip in our shower . He had a weird Hungarian accent . He was 70 years old , a bachelor , and every night he was into some kind of weird sex thing . When he came to our place , neither of us liked him . The next day , he sent me an email saying how he bruised his hip in our shower . MASTER P : What was this man doing in my shower ? I was peeing on him . It 's the easiest thing in the world , especially if you have a caffeinated existence . You don 't need to buy any equipment . You just need to shower , which most of us have . You don 't do it outside of the shower . That was a huge part of my repertoire . MASTER P : I had this guy . He was British , a proper London banker type . He was really into shoes . He sends me an email he 's like , " First thing , listen , I know we will be able to work together if you open the door and immediately kick me in the balls . " Like , if before I 'm even in your apartment , you kick me in the balls as hard as you can . And I 'm like " okay . " So he gets there , opens the door , and I swiftly kick him in the balls . He says " thank you , " and comes inside and immediately assumes a force stance . I kick him in the balls for a good 30 minutes and I take him to the bathroom , tell him to strip and lie down in the shower , and I direct the cold water directly onto the balls where I had been kicking him . Then he says , " Please sir , please sir , where are your shoes ? " So I take off one of my shoes and put it on his mouth and leave . When I come back five minutes later he hasn 't even moved . He asks , " Can you kick me some more ? " So I kicked him for another five minutes and then I went , " I 'm bored , pay me . " So he gets his wallet , pays me , assumes the position , I kick him again and he goes back to London . He took a lot of abuse in a very short amount of time . I mean , I could 've caused him permanent damage , you know ? That was towards the end , that was when I got good at that stuff . I knew what I was doing , and that kind of freaked me out , that level of sadism . I used to be a hippie , I 'm not trying to be that sadistic . The cold water , I mean , I pretty much sat and smoked a cigarette . MASTER P : You know Velvet Cigars on Christopher Street ? The proprietor of that place was legendary to everyone who went high school in the city . You would go there and whip your dick out and get two packs of cigarettes . We had a friend who was kind of like his casting agent , and he would just go around and be like , " Hey , if you need cigarettes , money , come to Velvet Cigars . " Also , he would give you $ 300 for a hug , it was pretty great . It was a gyrating hug . We were all sitting around reading Tim Carroll 's memoirs and we were making money that way . I remember there was still one guy in the Village who walked up to me and a friend of mine - we were 14 - and offered us $ 100 each to spit in his mouth . It just happens , you know ? I used to know a lot of crusty kids who were always selling themselves to somebody in some way . There 's a cool kind of industry . Our friend used to mail his socks to this one guy in Indiana . My friend was into the train hopping thing , and wherever he was in the country he would just mail the socks he had been wearing for a couple months to this guy and would request a couple hundred bucks . DOMINATRIX : I stopped after a guy wanted to be comforted after the beatings . I was not willing to hug him . Hugs are for certain types of people . It wasn 't even the fact that he wanted a hug , but , it was when he tried to reason with us . When we first said " no , " his reaction was like , " Maybe we can all sit down and talk about this , maybe we can talk about why we 're uncomfortable in the first place , I feel like that 's a very interesting path for us to go down . " And I was like " Yeah , I don 't think so , this is just to make money not for , like , delving into our souls . " MASTER P : It can be fun but sometimes it 's just pathetic . You 're dealing with all these really sad people . Eventually , I found another job that just seemed like less trouble . Most of the people who work in the professional realm have PhDs and stuff . I met a woman who works as a dominatrix who has her PhD in Women 's Studies . She has no problem saying , " I 'm a dominatrix . " You can either sell drugs and risk your livelihood or you could do this . There 's only a few things you could do for that much money while you 're still in school . It basically enabled me to do internships that I would never have been able to do otherwise . No one was giving me any subsidies . But with S & M , I got to do awesome internships with amazing organizations . Art is in many ways a luxury , especially the practice of it . You can 't do it if you 're starving . I don 't believe in starving artists . Part of being an artist is finding a way to feed yourself to survive , so that you 're not constantly seeking the basics . MASTER P : What we did was very successful . What made me stop was that it was almost kind of getting too successful . Everybody knew my name . Strangers were calling me . DOMINATRIX : I 've suppressed a lot of these memories but not even out of shame or anything , just to move on with life . It can be a huge distraction like , " Why don 't I just keep doing this , " but yeah , it definitely helped me through my apprenticeship . Sometimes , I think about doing it occasionally or something , you know Airbnb - ing our apartment and renting a hotel for a couple of days . Or renting a cabin in the adirondacks and making it its own dungeon . When you live in the carefully edited Vine world of magic and wizardry and spells and sorcery , you can make anything happen . Zach King is the master of flipping the construct of reality on its head and transforming things into something entirely different . Take this Rube Goldberg machine that starts out normally and then gets weird right before your eyes . Zach King , the magic wizard of Vine . He 'll snatch cats out of computer screens , turn Rubik 's Cubes into candy , fly through beds and doors , jump out of his clothes , magically change colors of any object and more . It 's the most entertaining use of the 6 second medium because it 's just short enough to make me feel like magic can be real . Do you love retro video games , but find them too easy to play after all these years ? Maybe if you played them all at the same time , it would be more challenging . That 's what Pacapong does : it combines Pac - Man , Pong , and Space Invaders into one game that will put your concentration and dexterity to the test . To increase your score - bar in Pacapong you simply collect as many pills as possible within the time limit . Once fired your Pacman can be controlled to a small degree , but will always be inclined to heading towards your opponents side . To make things a little trickier ( and more awesome ) you also have to contend with ghosts , hit them and you 'll lose a chunk of your score bar ( unless you pick up a power pill ) . To make things yet even more trickier ( and indeed more awesome ) , you also have to contend with Space Invaders who descend your side of the screen whenever your opponent collects them - with some careful manoeuvring you can even shoot them with the pills you collect with Pacman . It seems insanely complicated to me , but I still find those old games challenging individually . You can see a video of gameplay at YouTube . Pacapong is a free download . - via Unreality We constantly get our hopes up for upcoming movies … and then they let us down . It 's easy to get sucked into the hype cycle , as people talk up their projects - but sometimes , you can tell just from the way people talk about a film that it 's probably not going to work . Here are eight key phrases that usually indicate danger . Note : We 're being very careful to use the word " usually " here , because any of these things could apply to a handful of great movies as well . But these are things that , when I hear them , usually set my Spidey - sense tingling . For more early warning signs , check out our list of ways to tell from a movie trailer that it 's going to be awful . This is a huge one . People say this a lot about prequels - or origin stories of longstanding characters who have appeared in multiple forms over the years , but never had their origin story told . For example , they said this a lot about Oz The Great and Powerful : Why does L . Frank Baum never go into detail about the origins of the Wizard of Oz in his books ? The Wizard 's origin is discussed in a paragraph or two , here and there , but never really gone into . Ditto for how Kirk and Spock first met , in Star Trek . And a ton of others - I feel like every few weeks , there 's another project where the producer or screenwriter is saying the origin story is the great unexplored territory . Often , they say this about projects that never get off the ground , maybe because they eventually realize the origin story isn 't as interesting as they thought . And the fact is , usually the origin story was left unexplored for a reason - some characters just don 't need origin stories . Let 's get this out of the way right up front - Guardians of the Galaxy director James Gunn also said this about his movie , which did actually rule . But when people say " this is my Star Wars , " they usually aren 't comparing any of the actual elements of Star Wars to anything in their movie . They 're meaning " this will be a huge expansive saga with cuteness and danger , " or else , " This was something where I obsessed about the crunchy edges of the mythos for way too long . " For example , Last Airbender writer / director M . Night Shyamalan made a big point of comparing his movie to Star Wars in every interview , but the resulting film did a disservice to both the original cartoon and Star Wars . Also , Aliens vs . Predator : Requiem writer / directors the Strause Brothers invoked the Star Wars comparison a lot . The point is not that people shouldn 't invoke Star Wars - it 's just a bad sign when you invoke it for stuff that 's really nothing like Star Wars . See Total Recall , RoboCop , Death Race , a few other things . ( Plus the upcoming Terminator Genisys , sad to say . ) When people who are taking on a beloved old property and refurbishing it for the 21st century keep insisting that they 're not simply doing a new version of the original , sometimes they mean it . And Death Race is a perfect example - it contains almost nothing of the Roger Corman film , except for cars and the Frankenstein mask . ( And I kind of liked Death Race for what it was , but it 's not really in the same league as Death Race 2000 . Ditto forRoboCop . ) I guess when people seem like they 're trying to have it both ways - invoking a classic thing , while also saying they 're not doing that thing - then that 's usually a big flashy light of warning . I freely admit that this is just one of my pet peeves , like the word " franchise . " People in the movie business use the word " service " as a verb quite a bit , and it brings to mind the image of grease - covered truck - stop - bathroom shenanigans . They talk about " servicing the mythos " or " servicing the characters , " or " servicing the story " - and basically this means " giving screen time to . " But in a way that implies that what 's being serviced is one element of a big box of toys , along with the VFX and the explosions and whatnot - and it also often means that something is being given screentime , rather than actual development . Channing Tatum 's interviews about G . I . Joe : Rise of Cobra , from before the movie came out , are pretty hilarious to read now . Tatum talks a lot about how he had to get over his fear of overacting , and stop taking the movie so seriously , at the insistence of Dennis Quaid and director Stephen Sommers . But most tellingly , Tatum talked a lot about how he had no idea what he was doing in any given scene , and none of it made sense to him in the moment . He told Blastr : I 'm sitting there looking at a green screen like , " RIPCOOOORD ! NOOOO ! " Stuff like that , and you 're just like , " What am I doing ? " Or you 're like , " You get the rockets , I 'll get the nanomites . Wait a minute , what are nanomites ? " I don 't know what 's going on , but you 're just having fun with it . To be fair , lots of actors talk about having to act against greenscreen and imagine that they 're looking at a dragon or a robot or whatever - but when that crosses over into " I don 't know what 's going on , " that 's frequently a bad sign . I feel like Jake Gyllenhaal said similar stuff in his interviews for Prince of Persia , and the actors in the Star Wars prequels were also somewhat befuddled . Update : Commenter Grok points out Ian McKellen actually cried on the set of The Hobbit due to excessive , bewildering greenscreen . People say this in interviews if their movie is based on a thing that they 're actually not really including - the big example that comes to mind is Battleship . Director Peter Berg was forced to spend every interview discussing how they were really going to work in references to the board game in the movie , even though the movie was largely nothing to do with the board game . To a lesser extent , this came up with Watchmen as well - Zack Snyder tied himself in knots explaining how " the squid " from the comic was still in his movie . ( Because the anagram S . Q . U . I . D . was used for something . ) Your mileage may vary - a lot of people felt Watchmenworked better without the squid , but I actually felt the ending was flat without something that over - the - top . But in general , when people are forced to explain in interviews how they nod to something that was a core element of what they 're adapting , that 's often a bad , bad sign . ( And I feel like I hear this a lot , beyond these two examples . ) OK I have to confess - I got sucked into spending a couple hours last night reading all the interviews that people did about the Jonah Hex movie , which are the purest distillation of " we already know this movie is a disaster , but we still have to sit here promoting it " that I 've ever seen . And one of the things that comes up a lot in the Hex interviews is the question of the reshoots that happened , with Francis Lawrence reportedly stepping in to direct some new material . Everyone involved points out - correctly - that reshoots don 't necessarily mean a movie is in trouble . ( They really don 't . Every Marvel movie has had reshoots . ) But then they explain that the tone of the movie was wrong , and it needed to be made less comedic . And THAT actually is a huge warning sign . Michael Bay similarly said that last year 's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles needed huge reshoots because the tone was wrong , although he said this after the fact : I 'm texting Drew . Then he goes to the bathroom . I go to the bathroom . He 's at the urinal and [ I say ] , " We are in so much f - ing trouble ! " I write Paramount , " Guys , we have a serious problem . We need funny writers right now . Because the pipeline has to keep going . " We really had to get that tone right . It was dicey . Have you ever wondered if the events of Mario Party are connected to theSuper Mario Bros . game ? Thought about how Yoshi 's Island may have led toWario Land ? This video is for you . YouTube user Scorpigator Films has a new video ( via Kotaku ) which breaks down in mind - boggling detail exactly how every single game in the Mario universe is connected . It 's a must - watch for Nintendo fans , and it 'll definitely give you something to think about next time you pop in a Mario - themed game .
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Are you enjoying the Podcast ? Then I invite you to hop on over to iTunes to subscribe , rate + review it . Here 's a quick video on how to do a podcast review on iTunes . ( It 's simple if you follow these directions ) . Note : It can take up to 24 hours to show up on my Podcast . You 're welcome to send this to anyone you think it would delight . May good fortune always follow you ! Click below to send me your voice message with a question or topic you 'd like to hear more about in my upcoming podcasts ! I will answer the most pressing and popular ones in a future episode . ( I 'll mention your first name ONLY to protect your privacy . ) Our guest today is Shannon Walbran who is known as South Africa 's top psychic . Her main message is , " You are guided . " Even though she guides you and she loves to teach people how to get their messages themselves … I love that Shannon , that , " You are guided . " You are guided by yourself , as well as by you , is that what you meant by that ? Thanks , Susan . Yeah . That 's really my sound bite . It was you who taught me how to make really brief sound bites . " You are guided , " is one of my best sound bites because I really want to put the power back interview people 's hands so that they don 't feel or believe that they have to pay an intermediary to get their messages . I really love that . Although it is really wonderful to get the intermediary because I was just listening to your podcast and you 're so fast and incisive . It was absolutely fascinating . People were asking all types of questions . At the end of our interview , because we 're going to be talking about publicity today , but at the end of our interview , I 'm going to get to ask you three questions . Wait until the end of this podcast to find out what Shannon 's going to discover for me . I 'm really super excited about that . Also , Shannon 's website is ShannonWalbran . com . What we 're going to talk about today is something that 's really interesting that Shannon has done , which is she has gotten publicity for a Ukrainian reality TV show that is not going to be translated into English and yet she 's been able to get publicity for it . We , in the English - speaking world , are never going to be able to get to see that . Is it called the World 's Top Psychic ? Is that the name of it , Shannon ? Susan , I have to give you a lot of credit here because I was part of your Sell Yourself Without Selling Your Soul membership club . You were throwing out a lot of ideas and the other people in the group were throwing out lots of ideas about media coverage . I was practicing even before I got the invitation to go Ukraine . I did a few things . I had some professional photographs taken . I was really , really pleased with them . I thought they looked really cool . I worked on my sound bites . In addition to , " You are guided , " I have some other sound bites . I really honed them . Another one is , " I want to work myself out of a job . " That relates to what we were discussing about , I want other people to do this work , I want to teach people how to do the work that I do . Joining the Sell Yourself Without Selling Your Soul membership club showed me how to craft a press release that sounded exactly like a news story . I got invited pretty much out of the blue to participate in this International Psychic Challenge , like world 's top psychics , like an Idols program , in Ukraine . The first thing that I did was I wrote a press release , " Shannon Walbran has been selected to represent South Africa in this international challenge . " That 's how I crafted the press release . I wrote it exactly as if it were a news story that you would see in the news section , in the " A " part of the paper . That 's really brilliant . To do that , to write it as a news story because by doing that , producers or editors , the job is already done for them . You 've crafted the story , you 've shaped the story . I like that you put it … It 's not about you . It 's not about , " Oh , Shannon Walbran , this and that . " It 's like , " Shannon Walbran represents South Africa . " That 's the bigger story . One of the mistakes that people often make is it 's just about me , me , me , and not about how it relates to the audience or why it 's important out in the world . By crafting that as a news story , that puts it in a different dimension and that makes it really considered as something important and for people to know . I love that you did that . I also love that you said you did this and you were practicing even before you got that invitation . I think that that kind of mental preparation and then bringing it down to the physical world , and you really know about both of those worlds , is so important . There is a phrase that I love , which is , " Write it down , make it happen . " Even that much , taking the action , but you were actually practicing verbally your sound bites too , right , as well as writing down the press release ? Absolutely . I can add in that the tagline that I practiced for myself , which is South Africa 's Top Psychic , I crafted it after reading your material and working with you . By South Africa 's Top Psychic , I actually mean I have the highest listenership . I 'm on a really popular radio station . That radio station 's program , the morning show , has 8 million people listening to it every day . I 'm not on it every day , I 'm on it once a month . But that means that 8 million people are listening to me . There are other good psychics in the world , there are other good psychics in South Africa . There are other very accurate and helpful psychics in the world . By saying , " I 'm South Africa 's top psychic , " I just gave myself a tagline that is true and that works . It 's also , as you say , what makes it relevant to the audience . I want to represent this country . It 's not my country at first . I am American , but I live here and I 'm going to live here for a long while . I 'm raising my child here . South Africa is a good place to be right now . I 'm very happy to be here . It all ties together . That is really a great point . That your moniker , what you name yourself , really needs to be true . Because there are a lot of people who are calling themselves America 's top this and America 's top that and there 's no basis behind it . Before you give yourself a name , you do have to have the gravitas and the statistics or whatever the experience behind it . You did , and you just proved that , that you have the highest listenership . You 've also worked with over 20 , 000 people . That gives you a huge amount of credibility . I remember one of my clients , when she first was starting out . By the way , now she 's a New York Times Bestselling author . At the time , she had written a self - published book and she said it was a bestseller . I said , " An Amazon best seller ? " I said , " How many copies has it sold ? " It was like 20 . I said , you cannot call … yourself a bestseller because you sold 20 copies on Amazon . I said , " You just can 't do that . " I don 't know what the amount is to become a REAL bestseller because for the New York Times it can be many different things based on the other books that are published at that time , but it 's typically a minimum of 20 , 000 [ books sold ] . That 's not really even considered a bestseller at that . I love that you have the gravitas and you back that up . Do you think that giving yourself that tagline … How then did the reality TV show find you ? How did they find you ? I talked to the producers about how they found me . I talked to them while they were in the process . They said that they were Googling and they were Googling to look for people in vastly different countries . Australia , Scotland . They were looking all over the place and for people who speak different languages . They had somebody from Mexico and they had somebody from Turkey . I think that because I put " South Africa 's Top Psychic , " I 'm pretty sure that that helped them find me . It was that they made me make a video of myself because they wanted to see that I was lively and talkative and could string a sentence together . They had me describe what my special skills were . I sent in my video . There were more than 100 candidates from many different countries . If they were from neighboring countries , they were given train tickets . We were all flown to Kiev , the capital of Ukraine , in the beginning of July . The filming went on for six months . The thing is , is that I told them that since I have a small child , I would only be able to be there for a maximum of three weeks . I was with them for three weeks . I made it to the top 10 , which is fantastic and I was really thrilled . But because I was only there for three weeks , I was seriously filming about 16 hours a day . It was so intense . In the long run , when I 'm watching the show now , they chose to edit out my segments because I couldn 't complete their story arc because I couldn 't stay the whole six months . The people who are still there … Actually , I believe it 's finished now . I believe it 's finished this month . They were the people who could stay . They were people who didn 't have the same family obligations that I did . When I talked to you before the filming and I said , " Look , I 'm leveraging all of this publicity before I go , " you said , " That 's great because we don 't know how it 's going to turn out anyway . " You never do know how much you 're going to be actually in any kind of storyline that has extensive footage or even has footage for a top show by the way . One of my other clients , he 's a regular on a reality TV show . He said the same thing , that they do film quite a lot of segments but he 's not sure necessarily which ones are going to air . Because they have to craft the story after the fact and then they piece it together so that it makes sense . The people who win in the end , then they [ the producers ] go back to the beginning and they find all of the footage of those people and really put a lot of them in at the beginning . This is the same in a reality TV show as it is with any kind of extended news show or even sometimes a four - minute segment . You were talking about creating an arc . There is an arc to a story , to the entire story with all the people involved . There are also story arcs or arcs for each of the people too . Like in Game of Thrones . There 's a story arc for each character and a story arc for each season . For a little while , I was a documentary film producer . I was working on a documentary that was made by some really famous people in the UK about kids behind bars in Brazil . I was one of the translators . I played a really minor role in producing the film . One of the kids was 9 years old when he first went into jail . He was 14 years old when he was released from jail but he looks so different from 9 to 14 because of the changes that he 'd gone through while he was in prison . They almost couldn 't use the footage , if you know what I mean . The audience would not have been able to identify him as the same person . That 's what they decided . They did a split screen with his name on it . They said before and after . They had a choice . They had many different child candidates to show . They preferred to show the ones that it was really easy to identify . I 'm sure you coach your clients on this also . When I was a child actor , I was a child actor for like 1 season one a TV show . Really . I decided to cut my hair , I cut my hair really short without consulting the director . She said , " What have you done ? Now there 's no continuity at all . We 're going to have to make you wear a baseball cap for the rest of the show . " Because it 's not something that … My hair was blonde by choice . I thought a lot about the way I looked . I like the way that I look , but I 'm glad that I liked the way that I look because I 'm going to need to look like this for a long time now . That 's interesting . Keep that consistency of image so people recognize you . That 's something that 's really interesting . I 'm talking to a woman about branding right now . She 's talking about if she wants to wear the same clothes over and over again . These are branding choices about how you look and how you want to be perceived and creating a consistency . They 're really there sinking deeply , even something about your hair color and your hairstyle , about keeping that really consistent . Let 's go back to how else you 've maximized your publicity when the show did air and now you 're not even in it . Before I went , I got covered in national newspapers . That was really important to me because I 'm holding seminars , teaching seminars not only in Johannesburg , where I 'm based , but also in Durban and Cape Town which are the other main cities in South Africa . The story was picked up by a Durban newspaper . In that article it said , " She 's going to Ukraine and she 's going to represent South Africa , " and then said , " She will be giving seminars when she returns . " I did , I came back and then I gave the seminars . They were sold out . I was thrilled about that . Wonderful . When you said national newspaper , it was in the Durban newspapers , was it picked up by other newspapers ? What did you say , Cape Town and Johannesburg ? Right . The news was spread via a national news service which is called News 24 . That was a syndicated news . It was picked up , but more on a personal basis , and I 'll get to that in a second , by the features editor of the Durban Newspaper which is called The Mercury . It was also in the Saturday Star I believe and also in the Johannesburg papers . I hired a publicist even though maybe I didn 't need to . I don 't have a healthy up to date list of the names and numbers of the journalists and the editors that I wanted to send this to . I hired her basically just for her email list . Because I had crafted the press release by myself , the news press release , and because I had really good high res photographs that I was really proud of , all she had to do was hit send . Wonderful . I just want to recap what you did and what the effect was . What you had said first was that photographs are super important today , especially in our visual age where a photograph can make a story . You look really beautiful , you 've got your blonde hair . You 've got some other photographs where you 're more full body and face . Sometimes even action photos are really helpful , certainly on the Internet . You also did local publicity which went national in Durban , Cape Town , and Johannesburg that then got syndicated . You never know when a story is going to get syndicated when it 's interesting , but obviously yours is interesting enough to get picked up and circulated and then to make it into local papers which then helped you fill up and sell out your seminars . Which was the goal , right ? Totally . One thing I want to say is after it went syndicated and after it made it to the other town 's newspapers , then individual journalists called me to do individual interviews . I don 't know if they were more or less interesting than the original news story , but they had a question and answer format which some people like better and it 's a little bit more engaging and talkative . Nice . I just want to say also , sometimes people , because we 're in a digital age , sometimes people are really discounting newspapers and magazines . But they 're actually a super powerful way to get publicity . The most powerful strategy is to use those digital and offline media . Now , because it 's becomes so crowded online , actually offline , if you can do it … Shannon is really experienced and obviously you 've had a lot of other experience too that really made this effective , just the fact that you know what a good story is from doing documentary films . These are the kinds of things that play into a background and that also are impressive to the media . The other thing that I wanted to point out is that they needed to know you were mediagenic . When you were applying for that Ukraine reality TV show , your video was of the essence in order to pass the producers ' test to even get on the show . Every one of you , if you 're looking to do TV , you have to have a little demo video of at least two minutes that imitate … If you haven 't been on a local TV show , it 's what imitates a real TV interview in order for the producers to know that you 're mediagenic and that you can handle yourself on TV . You did all of these things right . It sounded like the results were really great for you in terms of filling up your seminars . Were there also other results that came from that ? Your immediate plan was to fill up your seminars , are there other benefits that happened ? Sure . I 'm looking to host my own television program and / or to be a guest on a regular television program . I already got radio down . I 'd like to transfer my skills and my availability and the help that I can get people to TV . Working on the Ukraine TV show and even just talking about that I worked on the Ukraine TV show , boosts my possibilities of making TV here . You 're absolutely right that I think the demo video , which I then put in my YouTube channel obviously , really elevated my profile . Also , I decided then , even before I went to Ukraine , now I 'm going to film everything that I do . When I have these seminars with 50 women in a room and then giving each of them an answer , now I film it with their permission . Each woman comes up to the front , sits in the chair next to me , kind of like Oprah . I give her her answers and then everybody claps and we 're filming it . It 's like having a TV show . It is that . It 's almost " fake it till you make it " but it 's " create what you want and show people what it could look like . " That is so brilliant . That follows along the lines of what the Mormons do by the way when the Mormons need to go out and convert people . Each Mormon needs to do that . They practice in a real studio of a real living room . They 're going to go into people 's living rooms . They have a studio with a real living room and they sit down and they do role - play with people as if they 're sitting in their living rooms because that 's enacting the real scenario that they 're being sent out to do in order to convert people to Mormonism . We have friends who are running podcasts even like this one . We have friends who have radio shows or blog talk radio or whatever , we can get interviewed on those radio shows and we could offer them content and value that will be useful to their audiences . It 's just creating a huge body of evidence and proof that we are mediagenic , as you say , and that it 's useful and helpful and should we have more than what we have been given , we can multiply . I love that . I love that you said it 's a body of evidence , a future reality . By you doing filming every single time you do a seminar where you said it 's like having a TV show , you actually are creating your reality . You 're putting this out into the world and showing that you can do it . By doing it , the actual act of doing it , actually puts you closer to your goal as well . Absolutely . Both in , as you say , both in the world above and the world below . In the practical sense , figuring out how to do it , figuring out the timing , figuring out the lighting , figuring out the logistics . Do I have the person come up ? Do I have them stay in the audience ? Which works better ? It 's amazing practice . It is . I love that you mentioned the logistics because I think a lot of people don 't realize how much work there is in the logistics and that that 's really an important part of making the whole thing flow , both energetically and visually . You 've been experimenting with having some women come up , having women sit down and other things . Have you experimented with other things as well ? What other things are involved in the logistics ? I 'm coming here from the side of psychology . I have a friend who is a practicing real psychologist , a licensed psychologist . She and I talk a lot about the container . Whether you 're doing coaching , which you do a lot of , or therapy or helping people in any way or hosting a TV show , there 's such a thing as a container , which is letting people know how long it 's going to go for , giving them a beginning point and an end point , benchmarking them , " How stressed are you ? You 're stressed 9 out of 10 ? Oh my goodness , we 'll be addressing that in this session . " Doing the work and then recapping , which you 're also very good at , and then benchmarking them again , " How 's your stress level now ? It 's down to a 3 , fantastic . Are you clear about what you 're going to do going forward ? Okay . Thanks very much for coming up and giving your answer . You go back to your seat and we 'll be ready for our next client . " That container , which works so well in psychology because a person who 's going to a therapist wants to know , how much is this going to cost , how long is this going to take me , am I going to feel better ? It works very well in coaching and works very well in TV . You can see that they 're all related . What you 're talking about is creating a consistent structure and also a way of setting expectations both for the audience and the people involved live . That also creates a safety . The safety - ness and the comfortableness both with the people involved and also in the audience themselves . If you notice , all TV shows and all news shows , they have a format , a consistent format that you can expect . It 's even the same thing in a book . Books have a certain structure so we can feel comfortable as we move through that structure . That creates an underlying comfort level in both your participants and the viewers to understand what to expect . I think what you were talking about in terms of also showing what your results are . For you , results are a really important aspect of your work . Also , anyone who 's doing media , when you want to actually do media appearances and have them result in actual sales and clients and experiences and real things happening in the world , it 's super important then to structure your sound bites in such a way that people really get your experience and that they get that you 're effective . It doesn 't even matter if you have clients or not , or you 're selling something . It 's about creating that confidence in you and being fascinating at the same time . That draws people to you . I think it 's the fascination , it 's the proof of your experience and it 's the trust . You and I , Shannon , were talking at the very beginning that now trust is established in 1 / 10th of a second . Believability , not in 3 seconds , in 1 / 10th of a second . You actually said that this is like the vibration reaching us even before , almost before we see a person , that we 've already got the vibe , right ? I do think so . I think that we should trust that vibe more often about who we partner with , whether it 's romantically or professionally . I think we should really trust that vibe which is what what Sonia Choquette says all the time . Really trust that intuition and follow it . Don 't cross everybody off of your list just because yActually , if it 's not working , it 's not working . If you 've tried to change it and it hasn 't worked , then it 's up to us . It 's up to us to have the authority to say I need better for my life , and I need to clear that out and go forward . It happened to me with another publicist . I told you about that one publicist that I hired . But my friend who works in radio with me was insistent that I work with her publicist . I said , " Okay , I 'll take both of them on and I 'll see what happens . " Have you ever done that , hired two people at the same time to do a job ? Just to see what happens , to see who does better . I did . The one that I told you about worked brilliantly . She had sent , and she also done follow up with me and she followed up with the journalists . She was really friendly and really nice . The other one , she said she had sent and she said she sent it to 35 people . I never ever got anything from any of the people that were on her list . I don 't know why that happened . My first impression of her was , " This isn 't a fit for me . " I went ahead and did it anyway as a favor to my friend . I paid her , but there was no results whatsoever . Interesting , isn 't it ? Very interesting . Obviously , I think that there are two parts to that too , that when you do hire a publicist , that you go by your first impression then you do your due diligence . You look at their past experience . You also can tell , like you said , your publicist that you felt good about was friendly and you trusted her to hit send and feed back the results of her hitting send so you knew that she had done it . The other one , it doesn 't even sound like you had any evidence that she actually done it . I think she did do it but I don 't know why it didn 't work . It doesn 't matter . In fact , I 'd like to say that this whole process … I 'm going to say thanks to you again . Thanks to you and thanks to being part of your Sell Yourself Without Selling Your Soul group membership club . It was an incredibly low cost campaign . Really , really do it yourself , really low cost . I don 't think I spent more than $ 1 , 000 doing this whole thing . Wow . That 's really wonderful . That 's kind of unusual because typically publicists in the US are much more expensive than that unless you go pay for placement . That 's pretty unusual . But you did a really targeted local campaign . You weren 't doing national publicity . Were you doing national publicity in South Africa ? Our prices are different from South Africa to America . I converted the money in my head right now to dollars . I had professional photographs taken . I did all of the writing . I said that I would follow up with all of the journalists . All I wanted her to do was hit send . She really didn 't have to do anything else . She agreed to do that for a price that was really low because it was our first feel . She wanted to see whether it would work . I wanted to see whether it would work . I was really satisfied with that . I will use her again for my next project . That 's really wonderful . I love it . Also , I do want to say that in the Sell Yourself Without Selling Your Soul membership club , you did all the assignments . Obviously , that 's why you had success . You came to the Q & A calls every month . We 're now moving on to 12 modules . You did all of the modules and you actually put that into action and followed it through . You hired a publicist , you 've gotten your sound bites down , you did your video for the Ukraine show , you put your videos now up on YouTube . You 're a psychic . You deal in the other world but you 're also very grounded and you 've dealt with this world too . There are two parts of that equation . It 's not about like what some people interpret the secret as , that you choose whatever you want from a catalog in the universe and you sit in your desk and wait for it to happen . I don 't think it works like that . You choose what you want from the catalog of the universe and then you work your butt off to make it happen . Luckily I can say that it was super fun . I can say that the homework assignments were really helpful for my own self - development . Because as I defined myself more clearly and more closely and I was able to describe myself and what I wanted and what I was selling and what I was offering , I felt better about it . It was an upward feedback loop that got easier and easier every time I did it . I like that , an upward feedback loop . In this feedback loop , one of the things that was necessary for you to do in order to even create your video was to create your sound bites . You said you had worked on those . You had four that you always included in your press release . My tagline , " South Africa 's top psychic " is what I would consider one of them because it 's a short sharp phrase that defines , so I consider that a primary one . The next one is , " You are guided , " which I really believe is the soul of my work . The other one is , " Everyone has an angel . " I never want people to feel left out . I never want people to feel like only some people have angels and some people don 't . It doesn 't matter what religion you are , it doesn 't matter if you 're an atheist . There is a divine intelligence and it 's working for you . Another one is use is , " Life is for you . " Meaning , life is on your behalf , life is not working against you . You don 't have bad karma . There 's not exactly such a thing as having bad karma . The last one is , " I want to work myself out of a job . " Meaning that I want other people to be able to do this . A lot of my work is , " This is what your angels and guide would sound like if you wanted to hear them every day . " I only allow myself to have one session with a client per year . That 's a 10 question session with a lot of follow - up questions . All of the information that she would need for the whole year , I do it in one session . Then I say , " Please don 't call me for the next 12 months . " I don 't have a business plan where she can call me in a week or that she 's keeping me on retainer . I really don 't have that . I had an acupuncturist like that , Dr . Ou She would say she didn 't want you to make an appointment after you 've just finished an appointment . She says , " We 'll see what happens , you call me when it 's necessary . " That 's a very unusual business model because I think a lot of people are taught , especially coaches , that you want someone to stay invested for as long as possible with you . Your model is about creating independence in that client right away . You don 't have repeat business unless , it 's once a year . You want to work yourself out of a job . That 's the kinds of things that you express that I think tell people that you 're both trustworthy and that you believe in all of those things that you just said . That we can each speak to our angels individually but you are a facilitator and once we understand … I think you give us that capacity or that container to understand that this is possible and then how to get those answers for ourselves because we 're not used to getting them . What I like with what you do is that in your sound bites , you 're talking about what you want for yourself and your clients in the future , not just now . Talking about your future business or your future daydream is a really important part of moving that into the conversation of your sound bite . You can be supported in not just where you are now , but supported in your future . What a cool observation . I hadn 't actually noticed that angle , but I think you 're right . I do my radio shows weekly as community service . I do say , " You can call in to one of my radio shows any time you want . You can always have one question and it can be anonymous . If you get stuck six months from now and you don 't know whether to take job A or job B , please feel free to call in for free . " I do offer them that . The thing is , it 's really hard to get through to my radio show because there are so many people who call . I also say that they 're allowed to come to a seminar and ask just one question as long as it 's a fresh question . I don 't know if you know this about people who visit psychics , it 's in one of my articles that I 've written , it 's , " 7 Things Not To Do When You 're Visiting A Psychic . " I also have one like , " 5 Things Bad Psychics Do . " They 're related , the two articles . One of them is bad psychics ask you for a lot of background information and then just tell you what they heard . " Oh , you 're a specialist , huh ? I see you working with TV and newspapers . " Duh , you just told her that . There 's no point in going to somebody who 's going to take your information and give it back to you . Because I don 't want them to need Shannon now , I want them to need themselves now . Go away . That 's my business model , go away . Go swim . I think that 's a great sound bite too . It sounds actually much harsher than how I actually feel . What I really want to do is teach them how to do it themselves so then they don 't need me . Because that 's kind of an addiction also . People get addicted to their healers and to their psychic . " Shannon can solve my problems . I must go see Shannon . " I 'm like , " No , dude . I 'm not here to solve your problems . You are here to solve your problems . This is what solving your problems sounds like and looks like . Okay , now , you can do it , go swim . " I do . I have long lines of people waiting to see me . People come back year after year . I have an assistant and we used to send annual reminders . " It is time . You had a session last November , now it 's time for your annual session . " Now I notice that people just remind themselves . Sometimes , if their session last year was in November , then they schedule for October . I don 't care , that 's fine . 11 months and 12 months , no big deal . When you also do your sound bites , do you have other sound bites that talk about other situations that you 've helped people in ? I know you work with anyone or anything . Do you have sound bites about stories that you tell when you 're being interviewed or do you always just take on questions or people actually asking you about your work ? Susan , I think that 's a real area of development for me . I really have been looking a lot at the way that you do that and the way that other people who do things that you do talk about their clients and how their clients came to great success . There are some of my restrictions though . It 's anonymous and it 's really confidential , my work . Also , when people come back year after year , they might tell me and they do tell me , " Yeah , I got married . Yeah , I had that kid . Yes , I have joined that company and yes , I 'm really successful . " I don 't usually ask them for a lot of information . I think you can see why , because I try not to take information . I try to just give the messages that their angels are giving them . I would say that that 's a weak point in my whole PR strategy . I do have a good story . Can I tell you a good story ? This is when I was still seeing people really face to face . Now , I do mostly phone and Skype and my VIP face - to - face sessions are much , much more expensive . When I was seeing people face to face all the time , a woman came to me and said , " You saw my boyfriend about three months ago , " and immediately I was very put off . I said , " Look , you can 't ask about other people . I don 't know who your boyfriend was . " I was a little bit dismissive . She said , " No , you don 't understand . He 's dead . " I said , " He 's dead ? He died ? " She said , " Yes . You told him that he was in trouble . " I said , " Okay , you better come in and sit down . " She told me that three months before , there was a man . Then when she pieced it together , I remembered who it was . He was 35 , he was an executive , he was burning the candle at both ends , really driving himself crazy . He was starting to get very distracted in his life . His angel said , " Hey , you could have a car accident . You 're texting and driving and trying to work and do all of these things at the same time . This is really dangerous for you . " He said , " Whatever , whatever . What about my girlfriend ? " The message was , " No , she 's not the right person for you . Please let her go . " He was only 35 , he died of a heart attack a week after my session . She comes and finds me three months later , tells me the whole story and then she says , " One of the last things he said to me was , " Shannon said , we should get married , " which was a big lie ! He had used the session to try to convince her to marry him even though I had said , " No , you guys aren 't a good match . " I said , " What did you think about that ? I 'm sorry , did you want to marry him ? " She said , " No , I didn 't think we were a good match at all . " What a story , huh ? What a story . That 's really wild . How people can use it against … There are a lot of things messed up in this , huh ? He didn 't listen to the advice about working too hard . I didn 't know how he was going to die . I was saying I thought he was going to have a car accident . I hoped he wouldn 't die , obviously . Heart attack at 35 , pretty weird . The woman saying , " Yes , he said that we should get married . " I said , " No , actually I had said exactly the opposite . " She was so relieved because she was thinking , " Oh , really ? Did I just lose the man that would have been my husband ? " No , she didn 't . Interesting . I have an idea for you about how to collect these stories . What about if you just have people call into your free conference line and if they choose to use that story , that they can put as many details as they want into the story . Invite people , anybody who wants to tell about what … I would invite even your radio audience . " If you would like to tell about the success of your , or how this worked out , no matter what time , call into this line and leave a message . You can do it either anonymously or you can leave all of your information . " Oh my gosh , that is so perfect . There was a woman who was called in to my radio show not that long ago . She said , " Remember me , I 'm the one who lost my sense of smell ? " I said , " Certainly I remember you . That was quite a dramatic problem . " She said , " It 's 3 weeks and I regained my sense of smell because you told me to inhale those essential oils . I hadn 't had a sense of smell for a whole year and all of my food tasted like sand . " That 's wonderful . That 's a beautiful story to tell . I love that it is so short and it 's so sweet and it 's really visual because the essential oils and the sand . Those are really super great details . I hope that people listening will listen to the way that Shannon tells stories because it 's really very engaging . Part of the reason why it 's so engaging is not only the way that she uses her voice , because you have these intonations that 's riveting . In the way that you use pauses , in the way that you elongate certain words or emphasize certain words . The other thing that 's so interesting is that you use very descriptive details that put us in that situation . We really are feeling what you 're saying . Obviously that 's one of your gifts because you feel other people . You have the gift then of allowing other people to feel as well . The gift is going both ways for you . I just want to point that out to people . Because I can feel other people 's stuff all the time . I have to work really hard on my boundaries to decide when I 'm going to allow myself to feel other people 's symptoms . Also , I feel sick all the time . The gift is that too , that you can describe things in such a way that makes other people feel too . The gift is going both ways . Just listening to you , I 'm riveted by all of those stories that you 've told . It 's kind of you to observe that because I had really never noticed that before . Thanks because you 're on the receiving end so you 're really getting it . Cool . Exactly . Any other things that I didn 't ask you ? I guess I want to know also about how you 're leveraging your glamability and all the publicity that you 've already gotten ? If there 's another way that you 're continuing to keep the ball rolling ? You 've filled up your seminars . Your radio shows , there 's a waiting list . You don 't allow people to come to you for more than one session a year , although they can attend your seminars or they can call in on the radio show . What else are you doing , if anything , to keep all of that energy , all of that great energy moving forward for your next level ? I think you said your next level was , were you going to teach people to do what you do ? Or you just want people to be independent ? You want to have your own TV show ? I do want to be on TV . I 'm working on another book . I 'm talking to Hay House about that now . If I get Hay House , that would be really the perfect platform for me . I would be rubbing elbows on the stages with Mike Dooley and Deepak Chopra and all of those other things . People that I 've read their books for years and years . I would very much love that . I think that would be perfect . Sure . You can always talk to their assistant because you can always also get into that by offering it to the assistant as well . A lot of people discount people 's assistants but they 're the gatekeepers to people and they 're your helpers . They 're the people who you want on your side . I 'm not saying that just to be nice to people to get something . I 'm saying of course you should always be nice to everyone and consider everyone your friend and helper . They are one of the best helpers . This is the same for producers by the way . People often give gifts to the hosts and they forget the producers . The producer has done all of the work . The host gets all of the glory . The producers are the ones who call and the producers are the ones who know who I am . When I show up at the radio station , it 's often the producers who greet me by name . The host is drinking coffee and looks at me , squinting and saying , " Yeah , you 're that psychic . " Exactly . It 's about treating those producers and the people who are doing all of the work , rewarding them with a lovely gift and showering your attention and just being grateful for the work that they 've done and not just the person who 's in the front getting the glory . All of those people who are helping behind the scenes . That 's just one thing that you can do . Just pop in . That would be an easy way for you to get endorsements from some of those people which will elevate your book proposal and also elevate the status of your book when you have those quotes on the back . That 's really helpful . That 's great . Keeping the good energy flowing , as you were asking about , I 'm in touch with the journalists and with the radio producers and the other people who interviewed me . I was really , really happy to get one on our top radio station here , a top talk radio , which is called 702 and it simulcasts in Cape Town . The woman who called me was the producer . She said , " This presenter really wants to talk to you but she 's really pretty skeptical . She wants to do a reading with you privately but she 's going to videotape it . If you 're accurate , she will broadcast the video and she will have you on her radio show . If you 're not accurate , she won 't and she may even say something bad about you . " I thought , " Oh no , what kind of pressure is this ? " I think I 'm 85 % accurate but I 'm not 100 % accurate . 85 is better than 0 but it 's not as good as 100 . I went there and she videoed me . It was before , it was three hours before her radio show was going to go on . It 's the worst kind of thing for me actually . She said , " I have an injury on my body . Where is it ? " I don 't like it when it 's that confrontational . I like it when people say , " How can I get back together with my baby daddy ? " We work on strategies together . It feels more collaborative . Luckily , instantly I felt the pain in my right shoulder . It felt like band - aid as pain over my shoulder . I described that to her . She said , " Actually that is exactly where it is . " She said , " What I 've done is I 've put these little … " I don 't know if you 've seen this . Kinesiology tapes right there on the part that looked like a blue band aid actually . " That 's what I was feeling in my arm as I was talking to her , right in my shoulder . She broadcasted the video , thank God . Keeping it going . I don 't have a good newsletter . I have a subscription list of about 5 , 000 and I don 't have a newsletter and I don 't have a capture on my webpage . All of these things are tools that I need to get going . I need to do the free report , gifts , those kinds of things . There 's a lot more that I could do , really . I 'm so not done yet . I think those are really important things to leverage your glamability . For people who don 't know , she 's talking about an opt in box or an incentive for some sort of special report or a video or something to give someone in order to get them their name and email address so she can continue to contact them on there via a newsletter . You already have 5 , 000 people that you 've connected with . One thing you might be to do to yes , connect to those people , and to talk about your dream of getting your own TV show . Just putting it out there , that you also have this new telephone line where they can call and get to conference line and leave a message . If you use that conference line all time , you want to get another line specifically for that where they can leave a message of their results . Just a newsletter could be something super simple . Telling about the Ukraine experience , telling them when this contest is up , that they can look into this contest . Also , just talking a little bit about your news . Tell them about your big dream that you want to get a TV show . Because you have no idea who 's on that list . They may be able to help you realize your dream . You don 't know . One of the best ways in South Africa , I don 't know how it is in the States right now , but before I can get a TV show , I really need an anchor sponsor . Someone who 's big . As big as Kroger or Macy 's , a really big sponsor . That 's how TV shows are made here right now . I can talk about that and ask for that and put it out there and see what happens . Before I go into that , I would like to turn myself on . I would like to switch on and ask permission to be able to do your work . I don 't walk around switched on all the time . Just like a dentist wouldn 't walk around looking at people 's teeth . What I 'm going to do is say a short prayer that will ask for permission for me to serve as your translator . The prayer sounds like this , " Dear God . Please allow me to serve as Susan 's translator . Please give her your divine guidance and allowing her to your path . Amen . " Susan , sorry to make you repeat , could you please say your question one more time ? They 're saying it 's a quick book . It 's going to be really easy for you to write . It 's going to be fun and it isn 't really directly related to the field that I know that you do . It 's related to something else . It 's a guide or a handbook . It 's a how to . It can be made available digitally . What they 're saying is that it 's local , local , local to you . What it could be , the thing that 's coming to my mind is … What is the name of the town where you live right now ? San Rafael . Thank you . It could be a guide to the art deco architecture of this place . A guide to the local foraging foliage of this place . A guide to the … I don 't know . They 're coming up with the astrology of this place . I don 't know that means . Oh , may lines . A guide to the geopathic stress and places of this place . Do you remember the concept of genius loci ? Which means the spirit of a place . Sometimes it 's spelled genius , like a very intelligent person . Loci , sometime spelled with a double I . It has to do with the Deva or the deity or the overarching angel or spirit of that particular place where you are . I don 't know anything about the place where you live . I 've never been there . Your angels are saying that you yourself , Susan , have a very special connection to that place . Connecting and talking to the Deva of your place will reveal something wonderful and beautiful about your town and about its … not actually it 's history . It 's not who was mayor or who discovered it or when the Spanish left . It 's not about that but something very special that people can walk around with . It will have a map . That 's what I get . The idea of it would be you are really multi - talented . You don 't have to stick with one area of expertise . Writing is just a joy for you . It 's just fun . This actually could be a moneymaker . There could be a little app attached to it that could be connected to the tourism and the spirituality of your place . Susan , that 's your answer . That 's totally wild . I had no idea . It could be a little bit weird . Maybe you can let it simmer because it certainly doesn 't have to be done by tomorrow afternoon . Does it have to do with Aikido ? Can you tune in to that ? Because the geopathic stress or foraging foliage , that 's not something I have any knowledge of but is it something . . . Or even have any interest in . Aikido , that 's what you are writing a book about ? I have another question about my other books that wasn 't the Aikido book . I 'm not sure what the question would be about the Aikido book . Let 's ask about my verbal self - defense guide for girls . What would be the best strategy and methodology for getting my girl 's self - defense book into organizations and schools ? They want you to go with the Girl Scouts , the actual Girl Scouts that sell cookies . Verbal self - defense . They 're saying it would be a real winner and that your chapters make a fantastic poster . " The 10 ways to defend yourself verbally . " It makes a poster that you would print and you would distribute it to all of the Girl 's Scouts . They 're talking about nationally , contacting the national organization of Girl Scouts . Your angels would like to point out that that 's happening younger than it happened for us . They would really , really like you to frame the language in a way that an 11 to 15 year old could understand . This happened to me when I was a kid . I was probably 12 . I was walking down the street and two boys were walking towards me . I wasn 't wearing a bra and my breasts were just starting to develop so they were poking through the little jersey that I was wearing , the little sweater . These two boys , from about 20 feet away , started pointing at me and laughing at me . I didn 't know why they were doing it . As they walked towards me , they started going , " Mosquito bite , mosquito bite . They look like mosquito bites , " and then they walked passed me . To tell you the truth , I didn 't get what they were talking about until maybe five minutes later . Then I just was burning with shame . So embarrassed . I was crushed . It actually did my self - esteem some harm . That 's the kind of scenario , of course you explained it so vividly , where a girl could respond in such a way to make sure that those boys understand that that 's not right to say . " That 's none of your business , " or " Get away from me . " Anything like that . Maybe there are multiple audiences for your book . There is an audience that 's the 15 to 25 year old audience , a university level audience , we would say , that age , or working women . There 's also an audience that you can reframe , you can take the same content and you can make it available and useable to girls even from the age of 11 , which we call tweens these days . It 's , " Talk back to , " and then there 's a blank . " Talk back to … " What 's a word that start with T that is mean ? Talk back to ? To teasing . Talk back to teasing . That 's a younger version . You 're talking about more serious abuse . I 'm still aiming at the younger audience . Because the boys will way , if you confront them with it , they will say , " Are you joking ? This is not sexual abuse ? I was just teasing her . What 's the big deal ? " Teasing is still condoned in our society , where it actually shouldn 't be . That 's another possible use . Because you know that you like to take content and multiply its uses . That 's ' another way for you to look at . I have another one . Verbal Self - Defense For Young Women and Girls . Geez , that 's so long and bulky . Girls , I think we have a " survival guide for girls " which means girls for our age , yours and mine . Girls can be more board than just … like " girl 's guide to wearing stilettos . " Those are the kinds of things that I think use of the word ' girls ' is more broad . When we 're talking about offending a woman about her sexuality , I think it would be more respectful to use the word ' woman ' rather than ' girl ' because ' girl ' … I know what you 're saying but when you say " a girls guide to stilettos " , it 's when you and I and are speaking to each other casually and in a fun way and we can both accept each other kind of a way . The oppressed people can always use the oppressed language among themselves . In this , " a girls guide to talking back … " True Shield . I like True Shield quite a bit . I really love true shield . Your angels are giving it a big check mark and a big yes , a big go ahead . The tag line , the subtitle needs a little bit of work around maintaining the level of respect . A true shield is super respectful , isn 't it ? It gives you that knight in shining armor , we are the women warriors . It could be waging a war , true shield , waging war against … and then what 's another way to say inappropriate behavior ? It carries well with the true shield because it loses its power when you say the word ' girls ' there at the end . Just say young women because as teen , I want to consider myself a young woman . I don 't really want to consider myself a teen . If I was 15 , I would gladly read a book aimed at young women . Just drop ' and teens ' . Because I 'm aspirationally a young woman , aren 't I ? Your angels and guides want to tell you something about the view that you have when you 're writing . I don 't know what your room looks like where you write but they 're saying that they want you to have a longer view . Do you have the possibility of looking out a window that has sky and looks toward something tall , like a palm tree ? Do you have that possibility ? Yes , you could write in the garden or you could write at a window that 's near the garden . Your angels are pointing out that you are … Of all of the kingdoms , that is the angel kingdom , the healing kingdom , the mineral kingdom , the animal kingdom and the plant kingdom , the kingdom that wants to help you the most is the plant kingdom . Plant medicine , herbal remedies , things like flower essences , essential oils . All of those things are really your allies in these chapters in writing this book . Yeah . The garden is bigger than the house . By the way the garden in the back , in the bagua , in Feng shui it 's in the romantic / love area so it 's a visionary place for us too , a creation of our relationship in the garden . Maybe that 's part of it . Right . That 's it . I just saw a waving tree so I thought maybe it 's palm trees , it 's in California . If it 's a pine tree , really those are the things that they 're talking to me about . You looking at them as they 're waving in the wind , getting inspired to know that you have as much an impact of a really , really tall tree that can be seen from far . Does that make sense to you ? If you get stuck at any point writing your book , it 's to go and be with those trees and say , " Show me how to be tall , show me how to have an impact , show me how to be visible from far . This is what I want for these ideas . " Because your ideas are so helpful and useful in the world . Thank you for that . I love that . I do sometimes go and sit beneath them . There 's a little meditation bench off the path down there . I definitely wouldn 't be looking at them but I would be in them . That 's a nice place . They 're all around . The only thing I 'm hearing about the Aikido is that they keep saying this funny pun on it in my ear which is Ai - kiddo . Do you think that exists already as a brand ? It seems that 's a pretty easy brand to make . Ai - Kiddo . Maybe it already exists . There 's something about the childlike nature of the play of Aikido , which I don 't do although I would love to start . The serious child , the wise child , the eternal child . It is very childlike . To see the kids doing it too is really great because they don 't have any hang ups about it . They 're tumbling , they 're fooling round . One of the tenets of Aikido is joy , you should leave joyful and better after training that when you came in . It 's so true . Sometimes I come really crabby and I always leave happier , no matter what . Absolutely . Our sensei Hans Goto sensei is very childlike too . He 's got that impish and childlike quality . We 're always laughing a lot at things . I 'm always making gasps inappropriately , not on purpose . That 's so delightful . That 's just mostly such a kick . I 'm glad that you 're doing that . Does anything come to mind about your health ? Do you have questions about your health ? The way that I usually clients to frame their question is not , " Am I healthy ? " It would be more like , " How can I fix this headache that I usually get at 4 : 00 in the afternoon ? " If you could think of anything specific that 's bugging you about your health , you 're not quite concerned about your health , you take good care of your health , but is there anything that 's irritating you ? Yes . I 'm not sure I can say it on the air . Let 's talk about some mental probable symptoms where I 'm not sleeping as well or I 'm pretty tired , a little tired and worn down . Your angels ' main recommendation for that is licorice , not licorice the candy but licorice the root . You can find licorice root and you can make tea out of it . In fact , it is in an ingredient in a lot of herbal mixtures of teas that you could find , like celestial seasonings and those . If you go to your health foods store or your whole foods and you look at the ingredients of tea , it 's going to be licorice . You can find licorice in a tea . That is a hormone rebalancer . That 's what your angels are recommending for you , and this is a lot , but could you please drink three cups of that per day ? It 's so strong . I don 't mind it horribly but it 's not one of my favorite things for sure . You can take licorice capsules and then you can 't taste it . There is such a thing as de - glycerized licorice which has no effect on the blood pressure because glycerized licorice , or you could say just ordinary licorice , does cause blood pressure to rise . In fact people who have low blood pressure like to take licorice and people with high blood pressure should not take licorice because it could cause it to spike . In my mind , while I 'm talking to you , I 'm also talking to them so I 'm on two calls . I said , " Why aren 't you recommending chaste berry ? " Which is a really good hormone rebalance . Exactly . I 'm going in my mind , " What about chaste berry ? " They say , " No . " Then you say , " I 'm taking chaste berry . " Your angels are going , " Yeah , see you 're symptoms aren 't getting better so knock it off . " MY , myomin . Let me ask this , is there anything else that I 'm taking that I should not be taking or is there anything that I am taking that I should not be taking , like the chaste berry . We upped that . I got it . Is there anything I 'm taking that I should not be taking ? No , everything else is fine . Is there anything that I 'm not taking yet that I should be taking ? Yes . They would like you to increase your multivitamin B . Are you already taking this ? Excellent . And if you stop the chaste berry and if you start the licorice , your symptoms should go away within five days and you can tell me whether they do or not . Let 's see if they do . Let 's do an experiment . We will do an experiment . Thank you . It 's my go to also . I always use chaste berry . But they 're saying not for you . That 's really good to know , super good to know . Maybe that will help with my freezing feet . I can 't believe that you just said feet because they just showed me feet . I was looking at feet and I was looking at the skin of the feet . I wondering if the skin of the feet was healthy because I was just about to say , " Are you demonstrating symptoms of candida , by peeling skin on your feet ? " Yeah , they are peeling skin on my feet . I had no idea what that meant . I didn 't even think to ask you about that . It was just weird . It 's a demonstration of candida and candida usually means too much sugar . I don 't think that you 're a person who takes sugar . Are you having too much sweets ? I 've been eating sweets lately just because I 've been feeling crappy and I just … I don 't usually eat sugar and I have been eating a little bit of candy that I actually bought for someone else that I haven 't given them yet . The best way to get rid of candida is to eliminate sugar altogether . Green tea is a nice way to not have candida . In order for you to get your health at a 10 , your body needs to make the gestures of running . If that 's too hard on your knees , you can do aqua running or you can do Zen running , which is having the body do they gestures of running but in a really low impact way . It looks as though you 're walking at . 1 miles an hour but you 're doing the gestures of running . I did really love it . I got into a car accident and I couldn 't run anymore . Walking just did not give that endorphin lift that the running had . You need to talk your body into believing that it 's running . It can release the endorphins . Great . I love it . I wanted to end with you telling us a little bit about how we can get in touch with you if we want a reading or go to one of your seminars . I don 't know if you ever do any online or do them out of South Africa , but if people were listening in South Africa as well , could you tell us a little bit about how to get in touch with you and if people want to reconnect ? I am launching an online course but it will only come to fruition or come to publication in October 2016 . It 's on a wonderful platform called Daily Om . It 's a great platform . That will come out next October . Even before then , I 'll probably do online courses . I 'm working on the content right now . All of my stuff , my individual sessions , my seminars , my online material and my book are all available via my website , ShannonWalbran . com . Wonderful . ShannonWalbran . com . Thank you so much for being our guest on how to leverage your glamability before a tv show even airs . This was entirely delightful . I love hearing about all of your experiences and I love of course getting my own reading , which was really fun too . Shannon Walbran , who is known as South Africa 's top psychic . Her main message is , " You are guided . " Even though she guides you and she loves to teach people how to get their messages themselves After travelling the world in her 20s and 30s , Shannon received a divine message while meditating in the Sinai Desert , which was , " Now , it 's time for you to help other people . " She gave up her career as a writer for a nonprofit and she quickly rose to the top of her field , helping over 20 , 000 clients directly since 2003 . What she does is she brings people instant , specific , personalized answers to their most pressing personal questions . She adds in details that nobody else knows . Currently , Shannon speaks to a radio listenership of about 8 million people and is the author of the book called Guided , which is available on Audible . She does corporate key note speaking , large group and individual consultations in person and by phone and Skype worldwide . Shannon 's website is ShannonWalbran . com . RESOURCES Are you enjoying the Podcast ? Then I invite you to hop on over to iTunes to subscribe , rate + review it . Here 's a quick video on how to do a podcast review on iTunes . ( It 's simple if you follow these directions ) . Note : It can take up to 24 hours to show up on my Podcast . You 're welcome to send this to anyone you think it would delight . May good fortune always follow you ! Click below to send me your voice message with a question or topic you 'd like to hear more about in my upcoming podcasts ! I will answer the most pressing and popular ones in a future episode . ( I 'll mention your first name ONLY to protect your privacy . ) Connect with SusanView SusanHarrow 's profile on FacebookView soundbitesiren 's profile on TwitterView susanharrow 's profile on InstagramView susanharrow 's profile on PinterestView susanharrow 's profile on LinkedInView susanharrow 's profile on YouTubeView SusanHarrow / posts 's profile on Google + Subscribe to Podcast Podcast ReviewsA geniune way to build your businessAugust 26 , 2016 by Siriusjane from United StatesLoved this podcast . I found it very helpful and informative . Susan has a very open , friendly , riveting approach to promoting one 's business and self . Her sharp insights and her real - life examples and guests can really help a business going from a start - up to a viral presence . I recommend this highly if you want to get your message out there with a genuine approach . Even the poetry speaks to the importants of our words . Check out all the episodes . Invigorate Your Message ! 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Brun Campbell heard a piano , and that was all she wrote . Any time Brun heard a piano , that was all she ever wrote . The piano was Brun 's one true love , and when it called him , the boy dropped whatever he was doing and attended . When this particular piano summoned Brun , he was walking down the main street of Oklahoma City with his friend Sam Mueller . The afternoon before , Brun had dared Sam to run off with him for the day and go to the fair in Oklahoma City , thirty miles down the road from El Reno , where the boys lived . Sam 's father , the town doctor , was forever warning his son he 'd find trouble associating with that Campbell boy , and you know what the effect of that was . For his part , Brun figured Dr . Mueller for a decent old guy , and saw no reason to make him a liar . So early that morning , Brun and Sam hopped a freight . Brun had been bringing home good money , playing piano for tips in restaurants and hotel lobbies , and he and Sam could have ridden in the passenger coach like gentlemen . But no point throwing away money you could otherwise spend at the fair . The wooden sidewalks in Oklahoma City looked solid with people . As the boys worked their way through the crowds toward the fairgrounds , Brun set his mouth into just the right degree of sneer so as not to gawk . More plug hats and swallowtail coats than he 'd ever seen before in one place at one time , and though it was only eleven in the morning , some women were gussied up so you 'd think they were on their way to a fancy ball . The boys walked past a hotel grander by degrees than anything in El Reno , saw restaurants with white linen , gleaming glasses , and silverware shining in the sunlight . Shops of every sort , groceries , coffee and tea , shoe stores , leather goods , men 's clothing , women 's . " Hey , Brun , " Sam shouted . " I bet you can buy anything you 'd ever want in Oklahoma City . " That 's when the piano sang to Brun . Soft , but loud enough to drown out anything more Sam might have had to say , and Sam right with it . The music made the shops disappear , the hotels , the restJust inside the door , a woman considerably ample in the bosom and hindquarters , and a little older than women like to say they are , struggled to play a religious dirge on the house piano . Brun walked inside to get a better look . The woman 's cheeks were on fire ; water ran down in front of her ears . The boy nearly laughed out loud . At the counter , to Brun 's left , a clerk held up a small wax cylinder under a customer 's nose , then slipped the cylinder onto a tiny mechanical contraption . Brun had heard tell of these talking machines , but this was the first he 'd seen . He edged a couple of steps closer . Music , a band playing a snappy two - step , poured through the little black and gold horn , scratchy and thin , but to Brun it seemed a miracle . The customer , a stringy man with arms and legs at odd angles that made him look like some sort of human spider , pushed his wide - brimmed leather hat back off his forehead and shook his head side - to - side in wonder . The woman finished playing her hymn , gathered up the sheet music like it might 've been Holy Scripture , and waddled toward the counter to pay . Brun quickly moved sidewise , sat on the bench , and began to play the same tune he 'd just heard coming through the phonograph horn . People all around stopped talking and looked at the boy . The spider - man laughed and poked a finger into the clerk 's vest . " How about you sell me that kid , Marcus ? He sounds a whole lot better than this here phonograph of yours . " Brun briefly considered that his playing might be a bother to the clerk , but when somebody praised his piano work , he likely wouldn 't have stopped if his pants were on fire . With all his energy , he swung into " Hot Time in the Old Town , " playing it march - style , pounding the keys for all he was worth . People commenced to sing ; he saw men nod approval . A pretty young woman in a frilly white blouse slipped him a wink that nearly threw him off the beat . When he hit the final notes , there were loud whistles of approval , and everyone in the store applauded . But if Brun Campbell had any say , the show was not over . A quick transition , and now he was playing " You 're a Good Old Wagon But You Done Broke Down . " All commerce in that Armstrong - Byrd ceased . Brun had an audience of nigh - onto twenty . A man and a woman beside the piano kicked up their heels . Brun gave them " The Band Played On ; " people whooped and shouted and clapped their hands . The boy already had his next two tunes in mind , but when he felt a sharp tap on his shoulder , his hands froze on the keyboard . The dancers stared over their shoulders . Likely the shopkeeper , Brun figured , aggravated at the way " sales had gone south since he 'd sat down at the piano . He turned half - way around on the bench , ready to cut and run . But the tall , slim man standing behind him was smiling , friendly as could be . He looked to be in his twenties , light - skinned but not altogether white . A quadroon , maybe even an octoroon . Dressed to the nines in a pinky - gray suit and vest , diamond collar - studs , no kink at all in the black hair below the derby hat , and every hair slicked right smack in place . The man turned up his smile . " You play pretty good , boy . How old you be ? " " Fourteen . " The man raised his eyebrows and reached inside his suit jacket , whereupon Brun commenced to feel a bit uneasy . Those days , in that part of the country , nice as a man may seem , when he reaches inside his coat , you 'd better keep watch . " Mmmm , on ' y fourteen , huh ? " The light - skinned Negro looked impressed . " Well , you pretty good right now , and you got a passel of years ahead to get better . You play any syncopation ? Know what syncopation be ? " If his schoolteachers ' questions were that easy , Brun thought , he 'd be class valedictorian . He swung back around to face the piano and played a little of " Mr . Johnson , Turn Me Loose . " The Negro nodded in time with the beat ; his smile worked up into a soft laugh . He brought a sheet of paper out of his pocket , unfolded it , and set it on the music rack in front of Brun . " Let 's see how you do with this , boy . " Brun stared at the pen and ink manuscript . It looked like no music he 'd ever seen . He put his fingers to the keys . For the rest of his life , Brun told anyone who 'd listen that before he 'd played ten measures , he knew he was in the grip of something powerful . Like the music was playing him , not the other way round . Mr . Johnson , turn me loose ? The notes seemed to reach down from the manuscript , place Brun 's fingers , push them down , then move them along . As if from somewhere far off he heard the Negro say , " That 's good , boy , good . But you playin ' it too fast . Scott Joplin ever hears you play his tune so fast , he ain 't gonna talk pleasant to you . Slow it down , now . . . yeah . That 's better . " As long as Brun played , that room was dead - quiet , but the instant he stopped , all Niagara broke loose . People whistled and cheered and pounded their hands together . The Negro opened his eyes wide ; one corner of his mouth moved upward just a little . " You mighty good , boy , " he said . " That is no easy piece of music to play , for sure not the first time . An ' for sure , not for a white boy . Why , you only made two mistakes ! One day you gonna be a great piano player . " He reached for the music , folded it , started to put it back into his pocket . " What is that ? " Brun whispered the words . " That , " the Negro said , then stopped like he was waiting for a trumpet to play a fanfare . " Is called ' Maple Leaf Rag . ' Composed and written down by Mr . Scott Joplin . You ever hear of him ? Mr . Scott Joplin ? " The spiffy quadroon sized the boy up and down . Brun didn 't stop to think how his youth was all to his advantage . If he 'd been a grown man , the Negro would never have dared take such personal liberties with him , and definitely not in that very public place . " I be Otis Saunders , " the man finally said . " Scott Joplin 's my friend . Lives in Sedalia . " " Saunders laughed . " Ain 't no other Sedalia I know about . " He took Brun by the elbow . " Come on , boy , you look like you could do with some lunch . I 'll tell you all about Scott Joplin , an ' Sedalia too . " It occurred to Brun that if his mother were there , she 'd already have two arms around him , hustling him away from this colored stranger who was going to take him God knew where to do God knew what . But Mrs . Campbell wasn 't there , and Brun followed Otis Saunders out of Armstrong - Byrd , onto the wooden sidewalk , down a block , around a corner , through a doorway into a hole - in - the - wall where he found himself face to face with a huge black woman in a tent of a white cotton dress , grease stains all across her white apron , and a dirty towel over one shoulder . Below a red polka - dot bandanna , she had a face on her that would have frozen the bogeyman in his tracks . But Otis Saunders just smiled and motioned with his head and eyes toward the back of the room . The woman glared at Brun , then led the way to a table all the way in the rear , and snapped a curtain shut to close off Brun and Saunders from the rest of the room . " Thank you , Minnie , " Saunders said , polite as if she was the queen of England . " Fix us up , if you please . " Minnie walked away without a word . Saunders rolled himself a cigarette , his long , slender fingers swift and agile . " Bet you play a mean piano , " Brun said . something . Most musical town in the country . " He passed tobacco and paper across the table . Brun managed to roll a smoke without spilling too much tobacco . They lit up . Saunders smoked his cigarette the way he seemed to do everything , smooth , easy , and cool . Brun was more deliberate , taking care not to embarrass himself by choking on the intake . Saunders looked just this side of amused . In a few minutes , Minnie was back . Still without saying a word , she set a platter of ribs on the table , then a bowl of collards . As she started to walk away , Saunders chirped , " Hey , now , Minnie . You done forgot the beer . " The woman turned back , eyes bulging . Brun stopped breathing . But Saunders just laughed in an easy manner . " You don 't expect this young gentleman and myself to be eatin ' our ribs without no beer , now , do you ? " Minnie took a moment to glare at Saunders , then pulled the stained towel off her shoulder and snapped it into the mulatto 's face . Saunders lurched back , shrieking with mock fear . He jumped out of his chair and threw both arms around the big woman . " Me an ' Minnie , we goes back a long , long way , " he said to Brun . " She always take good care of us young boys . Don ' tcha , Minnie ? " The woman gave Brun another hard look , then pulled away from Saunders and started toward the door . " An ' don 't you be forgettin ' the corn cakes , " Saunders called after her through a giggle . Once Minnie was past the curtain , Saunders said , " She a good woman . I likes teasin ' her when I can . " " She don 't say nothin ' . Eight years old , they went an ' cut out her tongue . ' Cause her massa 's li ' l daughter say Minnie sassed her . " Minnie was back directly with a plate heaped with cornmeal bread , and a pitcher of beer . Brun forced himself to look the woman straight in the eye . " Thank you , " he said . Minnie nodded , then walked off . Saunders grabbed a rib off the plate and motioned for Brun to do the same . And for the next two hours , while they ate and drank , Saunders told Brun about Scott Joplin and Sedalia . No story in any book Brun had ever read came even close to the yarn Otis Saunders spun him that day . Sedalia was built on music , Saunders said , all different kinds of music . Walk down a street where white folks lived , you 'd hear girls and ladies practicing their Mozart and their Chopin , or playing waltzes by Strauss . Night after night , bands and small orchestras played concerts in the park , or on street corners . Jig bands played one competition after the last . Clubs , white and colored , held dances . There were wonderful musical shows at the grand Wood 's Opera House . And every night except Sunday , of course , a man could walk down West Main Street and just listen to the music . Every bar , saloon and parlor on West Main had a piano man , and what they played , they called ragtime . " Ragtime music been with us colored forever , " Saunders said . " When white folks first really hear it was in ' ninety - three , Chicago , at the World - fair , and you shoulda seen their faces . Scott Joplin and me , we were there - fact , that 's where we first got ourselves acquainted . Afterwards , we go to Sedalia , and Scott study composition at the George R . Smith College for Negroes , an ' what he learn , he show me . Mark me , boy - one day you and everyone else gonna see his name and mine on music sheets in that Armstrong - Byrd , and every other music store in the country besides . " Brun swallowed a mouthful of collards . " George R . Smith College for Negroes ? " Saunders wiped at his mouth with the edge of the tablecloth . " Oh yes . Yes , indeed . Mr . George R . Smith founded Sedalia in 1860 , an ' it was a big outpost for the Union all through the war . Afterwards , the railroads come on through , so they need plenty of workers , don 't they , good hard workers . Colored come up from the south , bring they music with ' em . An ' when Mr . George R . Smith die , he leave money in his will for a school for colored , supposed to teach all the subjects , but most of all , music . I say if a man don 't like music a whole lot , why , then he best go ' n live someplace else besides Sedalia . " Brun left Minnie 's that day feeling like he 'd walked inside a building , then come back out the same door to find himself standing on a road he wouldn 't find on any map , in a world he never knew existed , You might think the beer had something to do with that , and you might wonder if it was just tobacco the boy smoked with Otis Saunders . But Brun always insisted it was " Maple Leaf Rag " working on him , more powerful by a long shot than any drink or smoke . The notes barreled through his head , rearranged his every thought , made whatever he saw or heard or touched or smelled or tasted seem somehow different . On the sidewalk in front of Minnie 's , Otis Saunders said good - bye . " Now , you be sure ' n keep up your piano work - do that , an ' maybe one day I be comin ' to hear you play in a big concert hall . But before we go our ways , you let me give you one li ' l piece of advice . Okay ? " " All right , then . When you in a city , you got to be careful of some things . Like best you leave your money in your front pants pocket . Or in your shirt pocket , ' neath your coat or vest . But never - not ever - in the back pocket of your trousers . " Brun frantically slid a hand into his back pocket , where he 'd put some twenty dollars - worth of folded bills that morning . At the sight of the boy 's face , Saunders laughed , then reached behind his vest and came out with a wad of money , which he placed into the boy 's hand . " They 's bad people in cities , young Mr . Piano Man . You don 't want to be helpin ' them to help themselves , you get my drift . " " I 'd be pretty dumb if I didn 't , " Brun said , though his voice shook considerably . Saunders , still laughing , put out a hand ; they shook . The boy pushed his money down as far as it would go into his shirt pocket . Brun told me he could never remember what he did the rest of that day , or how he managed to get back home . But he had no trouble recalling the hiding his father gave him . " You worried your mother , " Mr . Campbell shouted , as he swung the thick , black razor strop . " You had both of us worried to death . " Brun did feel a little bad about that , but having met Otis Saunders and learned to play " Maple Leaf Rag , " he would not have taken the day back for the world . That strop his father laid again and again across his bottom seemed to be hitting another boy . It inflamed Brun 's mind a whole lot more than it did his butt .
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I find it hilarious being here and listening to people talk . As is everything in Australia the way they talk is super laid back ( as in they literally leave out words and shorten everything ) . Here are a few slang words and just general language I have noticed Pretty obvious but they drive on the wrong ( right ) side of the road . Obvious yes but easy ? not at all . Crossing the road is literally a mission every time , especially when J walking - I literally look both ways 5 times before I cross because i am now just so confused which way I should be looking They don 't refrigerate their eggs always . Sometimes they 'll be in the fridge in the grocery store , but other times there are in the most random aisles just sitting on the shelf . Also they do not have any white eggs here they are all brown . All the cars are small cars . It is so rare to see a truck , SUV or a van ! On the off chance you 'll see these mini trucks that are called ute 's Styles are definitely different . It seems to generally be fancier when out at bars , and a lot of places have strict dress codes . Apparently fuzzy sweaters are in as well as platform shoes You can 't just get coffee - its either cappuccino , latte , flat white , or long black ( americano ) . Also chai lattes here are not nearly as good . And coffee is pretty expensive - I think the cheapest I 've gotten is $ 3 . 50 although 7 / 11 sells it out of an automated machine for $ 1 Being from Canada people generally think you are American , just a fact you have to live with but obviously you always correct them . I 've gotten some other weird nationalities though such as Swedish , English , Slovakian etc . Also apparently all of Canada is in Australia at the moment . I 'm sure there are many more differences that I am either super used to by now or just can 't remember at the moment . So weird , after being here for 4 months it all feels normal ! Definitely going to be weird going back home . School here is so different . Im taking a university course called adventure programming , the class has 13 people in it and we just went on a 6 day camping trip where we participated in our own adventure race . Whaaaaa Going into this trip I seriously was regretting not dropping the course when I had the chance . The trip cost $ 300 and being as broke as I am I felt as though my money could go towards other uses . But nope I was stuck so I sucked it up , paid the fee , packed my bag and prepared myself ( mentally and physically ) for a week of what I thought would be hell in the bush - I was very overdramatic Good Friday ! - yes this trip was over Easter weekend which is also the mid - semester break aka reading week here . We set off early in the morning for Mt Baw Baw where we would be spending our week . In partners we had to prepare ABL ( Adventure Based Learning ) lesson plans , hand them in and present our lesson to the class . I went first , having no idea what I was doing but hopefully managed to pull it off . It was literally torrential downpour at this point and I was seriously scared for the week ahead . We were warned that it might snow ! After realizing the area we wanted to camp in was very busy due to the long weekend we eventually found somewhere to camp for the night . The adventure race began and we received our first envelope with plans for the next day . Woke up , and packed out bags so we were ready to spend 3 days bushwalking . Yayyy . We completed an initiative activity ( traffic jam ) and then set off on the days bushwalk . We hiked up to mushroom rocks and from there went off track in an attempt to navigate ourselves to a unmarked hut in the middle of the forest . Thankfully we had some experienced navigators in our group who took the lead . We hiked off track in the thickest bush possible and I swear I thought I was never going to get out . After crossing a creek we found the hut ! This was super exciting becuase we were only the second group in all time history to actually find it ! From here we navigated ourselves through some even thicker bush ( didnt think that was possible ) to get to Alpine Meadows ; which proved to be a beautiful spot to camp for the night . We got up right at the crack of dawn to pack up our bags , eat some quick breakfast and start the hike of the day . We had to head back the way we came and get back to Mushroom Rocks . So we headed back through the thick bush which seemed to be even thicker again ! We took the most terrifying route and I thought I was going to slip and fall so many times but the view was spectacular ! No thanks to my broken camera I have no way of documenting any of this : ( . We eventually made it back to Mushroom Rocks where me being the monkey I am decided to climb up some of the rocks which was sweet ! We completed another initiative activity " Toxic Waste " and kept on hiking . Thankfully we were back on the trail ( The Australian Alps Walking Track ) . This hike was much longer than the day before and after making it to the road and walking down it for a bit we met back up with the track and heading downhill which seemed like for forever ! I swear it was probably 4km of pure steep downhill with crazy heavy packs on our backs . There were times in this walk where I definitely did not think I would make it or at least that my back would and the entire time I just kept thinking of what my mother would say about how bad that was for my back and how awful my posture was . But we eventually made it to camp , where the other group was as well and we ad a lovely evening around a campfire and it was a clear night so we got to see some stars ! I can now identify the southern cross star constellation . This day was supposed to be spent mountain biking but ( thankfully - I was so tired ) the mountain biking was removed as it did not pass the safety check so we moved onto plan B for the day . This involved us going to the old mining town of Walhalla for the day . Some more people presented their ABL lesson plans and then in the afternoon we did an ' Amazing Race ' style scavenger hunt around the town trying to answer all these questions in our individual teams . Our team won ! And I discovered some of the weirdest facts about this weird town . There is only 22 permanent residents , they just recently got electricity , Charles Speets was Swedish , the general store is at the site of the old Bank and so many more absolutely useless random facts . Wooo today was rafting day ! I was pretty nervous as everyone was wearing wetsuits but of course I don ; t have one here so I was wearing 2 pairs of thermals , over pants , and a fleece and praying that I wouldn 't flip or at least if I did that I would be warm enough ! But nope - the instant I got in my boat ( RK - 2 ) which were 2 person inflatable rafts that were canoe / kayak shaped it flooded up with water and I was instantly soaked and remained that way for the rest of the day . Oh well ! We rafted approximately 8km down the Thomson River and it was so much fun . Even though the water levels were very low so we were constantly getting stuck on rocks I had a fantastic time and would love the opportunity to do it again ! Such a thrill and it required lots of thinking and strategy and trust and communication between you and your partner . It was an awesome day ! In the end , I was the only person who didn 't fully fall in the water so I 'd also call that a success . By the end of the day everyone was exhausted as we headed back to camp for the last night . It began to rain and didn 't really stop all night but thankfully we were headed home in the morning . Also saw and petted a crazy ass spider ! It was apparently just a small huntsman but it was pretty big to me ! Home time ! The camp came to a conclusion . After packing up , loading the trailer and the bus and hitting the road we eventually made it home safe and sound . I hate to be wrong but I was definitely wrong about dreading this trip as much as I did . It ended up being quite a good week and I got to try some new things ( such as rafting ) ! After having a good week in the bush I find it really hard to come back to real life . I am back at home and have assignments to do , stuff to plan , hopefully get some shifts at work this week and I have to get this all done in less than a week as I go on a canoe trip in a week ! But guess YOIAO ( You 're Only In Australia Once ) - new saying Day 1 : We arrived at Mt Alexander with all our gear and food for the week . No coolers allowed so only fresh food for the first few days ! We played a lot of team building and such games to start the day off , then broke into our groups and set up camp ! I quickly realized how truly cold it actually does get at night , quite a shocker ! We woke up bright and early and set out for our first activity of the week , mountain biking ! I was pretty stoked since thankfully mountain biking is familiar to me . We were taught some basic skills in the morning since most people had not mountain biked before and I had to get used to the brakes being backwards which was really weird ! There ended up being some pretty sweet single tracks to go on and everyone learned really quick so the group of us were able to ride some sweet trails ! It was so awesome being back on a bike and on the trails . Although these trails definitely did not compare to anything at Albion or in Palgrave unfortunately . Ended up back at camp for the evening . Enjoyed some lovely pesto pasta for dinner and had a night navigation activity . We were given bearings and had to follow a compass and find the checkpoints in the woods . My team sucked and we didn 't end up finding a single one a Woke up to a little bit of rain but thankfully I snagged a good spot under the tarp and stayed pretty dry ! Set off to canoeing for the day where I was under the impression that we had to go swimming at some point and I was really dreading this . I love swimming but not when its cold out and the water is cold and I have limited clothes and no towel . Luckily I managed to stay dry ! Learned some basic canoeing skills in the morning , played some games , one that got really aggressive and had people jumping out of their canoes . Learned some more skills like how to steer which is actually something I 've always wanted to learn how to do ! Definitely prefer being at the back of the boat steering than at the front I decided . Played some more games then packed it up for the day . It was nice to be on the water and it ended up being a nice and sunny day but I just wish we could 've actually gone for a nice paddle at some point . Eventually made our way back to base where we completed 2 initiative tasks then had dinner ( veggie stir fry with rice ) . Best . Day … I can 't say that enough . I am officially hooked on rock climbing . Started the morning off climbing where there was 4 climbs we could do . They were probably fairly easy climbs but I had no problem completing them at all ! I was surprised at how easily I was able to pick it up . I think one of the main things I was able to do that helped a ton is that I wasn 't afraid at all about the height or about not being safe while doing it . In the afternoon we had the opportunity to abseil which was sweet ! Hurt the hands a bit but super fun , I just wish it had been higher so I could 've felt a little nervous ! But nope I was not phased at all by it . We then did what they called a scramble where we had to free climb up a little ways then go through a narrow area in the rocks then had the option to climb through a crack in the rocks or up and around . Being first and being the daredevil I am I decided to give the crack a go . Successfully completed this then got to abseil down . Was then given the opportunity to do it again so I obviously did , and this time I climbed around then abseiled down the other side of the rock . I could 've done it all probably 5 more times it was that much fun . I definitely want to get back out there and start rock climbing for real , it was the biggest thrill . The day then ended and it was time to eat dinner ( gnocchi ) . We were then informed we had another night activity . I was really hoping it wasn 't similar to the other nights since it was pretty lame . Instead this night they were driving us out to a location where our group leaders then had a map and compass to find our way back to camp . Sounds alright right ? But no they drove us out at 9pm ( so dark ) in the pouring rain . While trying to remain as optimistic as possible we started the trek back to camp . Our leaders screwed up a little bit and we travelled for a while in the wrong direction . We ended up on the other side of the mountain and then had to climb straight up to the peak in order to get back . Fun … not . We did eventually makeDay 4 : Bushwalking Woke up throughout the night to some torrential downpours . Thank god I actually stayed very dry ! Aside from my clothes from the night before everything was pretty dry . Got ready in the still pouring rain and prepared for a day of bushwalking . Thankfully due to the long walk the night before and the rain we were getting the leaders of the walk decided to shorten our walk . In and out of rain all day we hiked up Mt Alexander . We had lunch at the peak and played a ton of games . On the hike back down I was finally able to realize that wow I am in Australia on a camping trip for school in the middle of a forest . Like how crazy is that ! We eventually wandered back to base and enjoyed some dinner . We were supposed to have pizza on english muffins and pitas . After eating the english muffins we realized the pitas had gone mouldy so we made the decision to make the backup bag of pasta we brought . Thank god for thinking ahead ! We had a nice big group campfire in the evening eventually went to bed and I fell right asleep . I think I had some of the best sleeps since coming to Australia this week . We woke up bright and early and enjoyed a nice sunrise . Me and the other Canadians then had to miss out on todays activities as it was worked out for us to be driven to the train station so we could take the train home , shower and make it back to Footscray for a exchange luncheon with other Sport and Exercise Science exchange students and all the students going on exchange next semester . We were able to meet the group of Aussies coming to Western which is pretty neat ! Talking to them about Western though made me miss home a little bit and made me realize how fortunate I am to be where I am at home and to have this opportunity to be across the world on exchange at the moment . We then got to go to tour the Aegis Oval ; home of the North Melbourne Kangaroos AFL team . This was pretty neat but I ended up leaving early since I couldn 't stay awake and was very unprepared to have a footy lesson in the afternoon . Overall , this trip has been an incredible experience and I cannot wait until the next one ! I truly realized how fortunate I am to be where I am and doing all of the things I am doing right now . I have probably done and seen more in the past 2 months then I have in my whole life . This week I think I was finally able to relax about life and appreciate the laid back nature of the Aussie lifestyle . At home everything is such high stress , school especially and I think it is very much common belief that you finish high school , start uni , graduate , get a job or go to grad school then get a job . But where does life fit in with this ? Yes , I most definitely want to continue on with school and my studies but what route I am going to take is still very much unknown for me . Whether I will know in a year or so when it is time to decide what I do post undergrad I don 't know if I will know at that point . That used to be a scary thought to me but I now realize that that doesn 't need to be scary at all . It means there are just so many possibilities out there and I do not need to be in a rush to decide what path is for me . Maybe I take a year off and travel and see more of the world , work for a year etc . The options are endless and nothing needs to be decided now . Crazy how spending some days in the middle of nowhere can make you realize things like this ! Right now I am just going to continue to live in the moment and take in all that I can while I am away for the time being . 16Mar2014 A few weeks in by allinewts Time flies when down under ! Its been a crazy few weeks . Classes started a few weeks ago and they have been interesting to say the least . Week 1 of class was a nightmare and a half . For starters , my first class on Monday was moved to a whole other campus last minute . I had a class get cancelled , got kicked out of one because it was over enrolled , and 2 of them moved to a different campus . After switching 4 / 5 classes and 3 add / drop forms later I finally had a useable timetable . I can 't really complain too much about my classes now though , except the fact that I have class everyday of the week which is apparently unheard of at VU ! I 'm taking Social Dimensions of Sport and Exercise , Research Methods , Adapted Coaching , Outdoor Education and Adventure Programming . So yes , my classes are pretty sweet ! Thankfully I 'm getting research out of the way and will no longer have to do it back at Western . Adapted Coaching is pretty awesome as we get to work at a school for deaf children and teach them tennis . Unfortunately I 'm pretty hopeless at Tennis but the girl I am teaching , Chloe , is super sweet and it is proving to be an awesome experience ! Outdoor ed is unfortunately on Fridays from 1 - 5 , which is wayyyy too long but it is a pretty awesome class ! We get to go on 3 trips throughout the semester . The first is next week and it is a 6 day multi adventure trip to Mt Alexander . We also get to go on a 4 day canoe trip down the Murray River and a 6 day bushwalking trip in the Grampians . This literally gives sports for marks a new definition . Adventure Programming is also really similar ! We get one trip with this class which is kind of kept top secret . They are calling it an adventure race and we don 't get to find out what it is all about until we are in the middle of it , kind of nerve racking but should be great ! Overall life isin 't too bad , can 't complain ! Went to an international event which was a lot of fun . So weird over here , they provide you with free alcohol at these events . That would never happen at home ! Canada House also hosted its first party of the semester to celebrate St Patricks Day the Western way . I 've also half got a job so time to start planning my Asia trip in June ! ( hopefully … or New Zealand ) . 2Mar2014 Great Ocean Road Orientation Trip by allinewts Friday February 21 I left for the VU orientation trip down the great ocean road ! We arrived to the campus in Footscray ( which is so sketchy ) early in the morning and set off . First stop was Bell 's Beach , which is where a lot of major surfing competitions take place . The weather gods were not on our side and it ended up being a super chilly weekend . It was only 11 degrees on Friday morning . We were able to walk around Bells beach for a while which is where a lot of the big surfing competitions take place . We then set off to get to Lorne . We began driving down the Great Ocean Road which words cannot even begin to describe . It 's exactly how it sounds … a road that travels along side the ocean and its great ! Probably the most scenic drive I 've ever been on . We eventually arrived in Lorne and got to our accommodation . We stayed at The Great Ocean Road Cottages and we got the cutest little cottage . It was a cottage for 4 people so ended up being me , Dayna , Carleigh and Haley . We even had our own little kitchen and there was free coffee and tea ! After dropping our stuff off we headed down to the beach for a surfing lesson ! This is now definitely added to the top of my list of things I need to do . The lesson we got was a little hectic but I was able to stand up ! There was literally 55 international students in the water with about 5 instructors so you were pretty much just running into people and being run into . Thank god for wetsuits because the water was nippy but luckily the sun made a special appearance ! After surfing , we headed back to the room to get ready for dinner . We had dinner ( which was included in the trip ) at the Lorne Hotel which wasn 't bad , then we went out that night ! Ended up being a pretty funny night . Day 2 on the trip started off pretty rough . We were supposed to go on an 8 km hike that literally took us 3 . 5 hours because the tour guide we had talked forever about every little thing . We eventually also all got starving because the breakfast they provided sucked . We were literally ranting the entire hike , which in the end was actually pretty nice through the forest and then ended with some neat ocean views . I was even able to finally see my first kangaroo ! Even though it was pretty far in the distance I can finally say I saw one … only took long enough . We finally arrived back in the town with 30min to grab lunch before we met the group ( the other groups had 1 . 5 hours , which just goes to show how much she really was talking ) . After devouring some aussie burgers , with egg , and bacon on top we went to learn how to play some aussie rules football . This game is actually really neat and extremely vicious and dangerous . The guy who was teaching us had a finger that was fully perpendicular to the rest of the finger at his knuckle , it was crazy ! I was able to learn how to kick the footy and how to handball it . I also managed to get 2 balls stuck in a tree , woops . I really am not lying when I say I have no hand eye coordination . Footy ended up being really cool ! Definitely going to check out a game or two when the season starts . Went back and had the most amazing nap of my life . Went to dinner , then out for the night ! The 3rd day was spent driving along the great ocean road . We drove about 3 hours then made it to The Twelve Apostles , even though there is actually only 8 . It was absolutely beautiful , never in my life have I seen a view like that . We also went to Loche Ard Gorge and the London Bridge before heading back to Melbourne . I definitely want to do another trip down there sometime ! Hopefully rent a car or something and drive ourselves ( or once I convince my Dad to come and visit … ) After somewhat spontaneously planning the trip 2 days earlier Friday January 24th comes around and we pack out bags and head out on our first adventure ! Kind of lacked space so I brought my big backpack ( borrowed from Larkin ) , Dayna took my other backpack because it is quite big and I took her small one . With a mismatch of things ( we packed super light ) we left Canada house not quite sure what was ahead ! We eventually found ourselves at the bus station and we boarded our first overnight bus for 18 hours all the way to Sydney . We survived … barely . The bus driver was a maniac and after talking forever ( i swear he went on about the toilets for 10 minutes ) it was literally 4am and we were going 200km / hr down these super windy roads in the middle of nowhere - it was terrifying . Did not get much sleep that night . We eventually arrived at Sydney Central Station completely zonked but with lots to do . First thing we do is search for wifi ( as we did everywhere we went ) and we took a train to Bondi Junction to meet Sam and get all our trip info ! Classic us , we get lost , ask some people who are no help and eventually wandered in the right direction and found Peterpans ! Next stop is to get to the hostel . So we jump on another train and head to Kings Cross ( note : never stay here ) . Again classic Allison and Dayna we get off the train and walk approx . 30 min in the wrong direction . After asking a few people for directions , one very kind lady named Fiona offers to drive us there . Might sound sketchy but if you saw her and the state were in it wasn 't sketchy at all , she was an absolute gem . So we get to the hostel … Jolly Swagman 's - name speaks for itself , the place was so sketchy . Thankfully we ended up being upgraded from an 8 person dorm to a double room . We dithed our stuff here and quickly hit the road again to head to Bondi to meet with Sam ! We go to her apartment which is literally on Bondi Beach . We then head to their other friends place , a house of all Canadians who went to Queens . Weirdest thing of my life haWestern love in Sydney ! We wake up someone early despite being out pretty late and having slept on a bus the night before . Obviously I 'm gross and greasy but don 't shower because the hostel was dirtier and greasier . So then we head over to Bondi Beach again , snapped a few pics , then began the days festivities - all after we first purchased Australian flags for the day . The day basically reminded me of homecoming in the sense . We later headed to a party which was literally on the ocean ! The view itself was incredible . I couldn 't believe it . As per usual I was cheap and decided it would be a smart decision to try and walk home . I got myself half way to Bondi Junction and decided to take the $ 20 cab to the hostel . Naturally we wake up feeling pretty gross but have to check out so we drag ourselves out of bed . We head back to Bondi to retrieve the bag we left ( idiots ) and then we bus to Sydney harbor . Meanwhile we 're practically dying the whole day and we have all of our bags with us , we still tried to see the sights . We see the bridge , and the Opera House , sat on the grass for a bit then to starbs to grab a drink and charge our phones while we waited to catch another overnight bus . Sydney overall was not that impressive . Maybe its because we weren 't in the best of moods when we saw it but it was pretty overrated and the people were less friendly . Overall it was just another city , not nearly as nice as Melbourne . So ready to move onto Byron and enjoy some beautiful beaches ! After another overnight bus , 14 hours this time , we arrived in Byron ! Stayed at Backpackers Inn which was a great hostel ! Literally a 2 min walk to the beach . After a quick swim in the ocean and a much needed shower we headed into the cute little town . Byron Bay is actually full of Canadians , we ran into them everywhere ! After lying on the beach , eating some dinner ( first time cooking in a hostel ) and some necessary gelato we decided we would go out this night ! We met some lovely people and went to Cheeky Monkey for the night ! Instead of a dance floor they had picnic tables you were supposed to stand on to dance . I 'm actually surprised I didn 't hurt myself from falling off one of them , many many many close calls . Nice walk to the nice part of the beach , which was absolutely amazing . First time really felling like I am in Australia ! The water was full of surfers and the water was beautiful . We didn 't last there long because it soon started to rain so we walked back to the town and looked around in the shops . I had just finished my book and needed a new one to be able to get me through the long bus rides ahead . Thought it might be a good idea to buy the Lauren Conrad book LA Candy - stupidest book I have ever read . Kept me amused at least . Obviously we got some more gelato then early to bed ! Byron is definitely a place I would move to and work for a while . Jump on a short bus ride up to the Gold Coast ! But what looked like to be a one hour bus ride turned out to be a 2 hour bus ride with the clocks turning back one hour which we didn 't realize until we had been on the bus for what we thought was too long . Get to our hostel called Budds in Surfers , ditched our bags and headed to town ! Lots of shopping here and I managed to get $ 4 sunglasses ! Eventually made our way back to the hostel to check in . Turns out the hostel screwed up and had to put me and Dayna in 2 different rooms . We were not pleased . Eventually it all worked out because a guy in Daynas room was leaving early so I took his spot . We had a little roomie night out and we all headed with the hostel to Melba 's . Lot 's of fun ! Headed to another bar after called Sin City ( … . ) but shortly left and obviously picked up myself a bag of salt and vinegar chips on the way home . Bus to Brisbane ( ~ 2 hours ) and walk around for some food . Finally find a food court thing and get these great looking burrito 's . After a few hours we had to hop back on a bus for a 3 hour bus to Noosa . Stayed in Noosa at the Halse Lodge , which was probably the nicest hostel of the trip ! It was sorta weird though , the hostel had a lot of familys staying there with kids . After getting some grocerys and eating a classic bagged caeser salad for dinner we headed to the beach area to look around . Turns out Noosa is actually very high end ! So weird and unexpected but the beachfront is full of big resorts and the shops are very expensive . Reminded me a lot of Muskoka in this way . Headed to bed fairly early ( and I mean like 9pm kinda early ) First day in Noosa was a blast ! Headed to the National Park and went on a nice ( although short because we were scared of unexpected animals ) hike through the rainforest . Noosa was absolutely beautiful . Was able to also do some shopping and made my first Australian purchase and bought my first ever romper ! Spent the rest of the day on the beach where there was also a open water swimming race going on . Had a nice chill night at the hostel and again early to bed ! Day 2 in Noosa was wayyyyyy too hot to handle . Pasty Canadian I am , I 'm not that biggest fan of the heat especially humidity . So this day basically consisted of being lame and boring , getting nasty popsicles ( rainbow is not a good flavour ) , and sitting at the hostel using the stolen wifi . Eventually made our way to the bus station to bus to Rainbow Beach and depart on our Fraser trip the following day ! Most amazing experience ever . Met the crew , the 8 people we shared a car with for the 3 days we were on the island ! It was a car of Canadians , Germans and Swedes . Eventually hit the road and made out way to the island , which we took a barge to get to . Honestly no words explain how incredible this trip was . Literally driving the entire time on the sand across this island was the best experience . First stop on the island was Lake Mackenzie , which is a perched lake so they call it that is basically just filled with rain water . The sand here was phenomenal , so pure they say you can wash your hair and brush your teeth with it . The drive through the rainforest was also incredible . Just the sounds and smells are out of this world . The best was while we were going through all of a sudden we were hit with this powerful delicious smell when I realized it was eucalyptus trees ! Eventually made our way to the camp . The questionable things we did on this trip were endless . Got dishes to make dinner with . There was no dish soap and everything was covered in sand . So just made dinner after rinsing them . YOLO right ? Dinner was a decent stir fry with a side of goon . Goon is amazingly cheap ( $ 12 for 4L ) boxed wine that people say tastes awful but I don 't find it that bad ! Fruity Lexia is the best and tastes like fruit juice in my opinion . Slept in the pouring rain , in the smallest tent that was leaking all night . Thankfully the goon made it not so bad although I woke up at 5am and couldn 't sleep any longer . Day 2 on Fraser began pretty rough ( thank you goon and nasty tents ) but eggs for breakfast made things a little bit better . Headed out in our cars to the Maheno Shipwreck then to Eli Creek ( aka Hungover creek ) which was unreal . It was practically a lazy river through the rainforest with super refreshing water . Pretty sure we went through it a good 4 times . For the afternoon we drove further north on the island up to Champagne Pools . This is one of the only places on the island you can safely swim in the ocean ! Dove right in there and truely enjoyed being cooled off after sitting in a car so much . We then hiked up to Indian Head , which was a crazy lookout point . Pictures seriously don 't do any of this justice . The view was absolutely incredible I actually couldn 't believe my eyes . Eventually headed back to camp for the night . Dinner was nasty - steak and potatoes . Had to use my ' Canadian skills ' and make a fire because apparently no one else knows how to make a fire ? Was being made fun of at one point so made a joke about making fire beside my igloo after riding on my moose all day … Day 3 on Fraser was pretty rough . Second sleep in that tent was worse that the first . Woke up and realized we basically had no food left for the day , great . Excursion of the day was Lake Wabby . 2 . 5 km hike in was the most brutal thing I have ever endured . We were told the walk was all sand so no need to wear shoes right ? WRONG . Yes it was a sandy walk , but the sand was full of sticks and other crap that was super painful on the feet . After getting a few major cuts on the bottom of my feet we finally made it to the Lake . This lake was basically formed from the giant sand dunes that surrounded it on one side , with the rainforest on the other . Was so hot out I had to go for a swim . In this lake were those little fish they use at spas that eat the dead skin off your feet . The walk back to the cars was even worse than the walk there . By this time the sun had been heating up the sand and it was absolutely scorching ! Me and Dayna were literally running from shady spot to shady spot , but the walk basically ended with both of our feet being burnt to a crisp , or so it felt . Finally made it back to the car and I finally asked our guid , Joel to teach me to drive standard ! After a 2min lesson he trusted me to drive for a bit ( probably a bad idea but he didn 't know that ) . The poor people in my car must have been terrified . Here 's me , having never driven standard before , in a car where everything is on the wrong side of the car , on the beach , attempting to drive . Surprisingly I was actually able to keep up ( aside from one bad stall on the beach ) and made it safely down the beach until we switched drivers ( not sure if this was a hint or not … ) . Successfully made it back to our hostel Dingo 's for the night . Got to listen to some live music from our Fraser leader and talked to so many Canadians and met 3 who all went to Western ! Such a small world . Overall Fraser experience was excellent . Only weird part was this Dutch girl who started to try and talk to us saying that Canada was not a nationality … . That was weird . After Fraser we had a full day in Rainbow Beach before our next bus ride . This day was pretty lame until we decided to make some amazing pancakes for diner . So Canadian of us but was actually amazing . Bus to Airlie Beach was the easiest one yet . Me and Dayna snagged our own seats and there was so much room to sleep ! Arrived around 9am and ditched the bags at Nomads . Walked around town and got the most amazing breakfast at this restaurant on the water . Spent the day walking around Airlie then early to bed ! As I said so many Canadians … In our room in the hostel there was 3 guys from Calgary , we 're everywhere ! Made so much pasta for dinner since it was super cheap and we were looking to have leftovers . Very quickly got super tired of pasta haha . Weather was not looking too great for this day and we were super scared it might be cancelled ! Woke up in the morning and it was nice and sunny , yayyy ! Got in the boat and the weather quickly turned pretty sour and ended up being pretty rainy and gross all day long . Added character to the trip ? It stopped raining for a bit and we got to do a snorkel . The sights underwater are indescribable . Hiked up to Hill Inlet lookout to look at the whitsundays . It was pouring rain so that was wonderful … Snapped a few pics looking like drowned rats then hiked back down . Got to the beach and had a fantastic lunch . The rain wasn 't letting up so we left early to go back to the mainland . Craziest experience of my life . The waves were out of this world . Even the tour guides were saying how wicked it was out . Obviously me and Dayna made the intelligent decision to sit at the front of the boat and were literally being thrown out of our seats the entire time . Eventually safely made it home and after nice hot showers we went out for dinner with Carleigh and Haley who got to Airlie that morning ! Had the best veggie pizza that had pineapple on it ! In trying to be spontaneous and live in the moment we ventured out in Airlie . Eventually went to this place called Mama Africa 's where we had a voucher for free entry and free drinks . Were able to use the free drink twice because the guy never took the voucher ! # winning . This day of busing was the worst day of the entire trip . On the bus for 10 hours throughout the day . Roads were flooded so there was even fears we weren 't going to make it and would have to turn around . I truly do not know what we would have done had this been the case . Thanfully we made it all the way although I think I lost my sanity in the first hour . The bus was scorching hot , I actually don 't think I could have handled another minute of it . Made it to our hostel , Gilligans . Throughout the trip we had heard crazy things about this hostel . It has its own club attached to it and I have to say I was pretty nervous about staying there ! From the lobby the place seemed fairly newly renovated and high end ! All a lie though because our room was gross . There was this aussie guy who had been living in there for a month and he was gross , the room smelled absolutely awful . Thankfully he left the next day , although the smell didn 't go with him . We went to bed early because we had our day on the reef the next day . At 1am the gross guy came into the room searching for his phone which we noticed he had left on the counter before we went to bed . He comes in and created such a scene over not being able to find his phone . He was literally questioning all of us almost accusing us of taking it or letting someone in the room who then took it . 10mins after going back and forth over this he finally finds his phone … literally exactly where we had saw it . Another absolutely amazing day . Day on the great barrier reef . Left the hostel in our rain coats and expected it to rain the entire day . Not even 30min out on the boat when it cleared up and became a beautiful day ! To make things even better the boat had wifi the entire time . Who knew ! The wifi in my house in Newport wont even reach my bedroom but in the middle of the ocean at the great barrier reef there was perfect connection . Gotta love being spontaneous . Was not planning on doing a dive and had initially taken it out of the trip to save some money . Obviously I get on the boat and am quickly convinced to do a dive . Thank you Larkin for the Christmas gift ! Best decision I have made in a long time though . Officially hooked on scuba diving . Had my little panic right before we actually dove down when I was only about one foot under the water but I quickly overcame it and was perfectly fine the entire time ! Did not bring my camera with me because it was slowly breaking but saw some sea turtles ! They were incredible . There is something to be said about being deep under the water and being able to look up to the surface . Also it is such a different experience being total immersed in the reef vs . being on top of it as you are when you snorkel . Was also able to snorkel the rest of the day at two different locations . The reef was incredible , definitely a must do when in Australia . The boat sailed home and we were able to get a little sun . That night we ended up going to the Gilligans bar for a little while and had some fun . Uncle Brian 's AKA weirdest day of my life . We went on this rainforest tour called Uncle Brian 's . I had heard good things about this tour so was pretty excited ! Nope it was just weird and totally not my scene . Was a bus full of about 20 people with this crazy weird chick as our guide . All we wanted to do on the bus was sleep but we were forced to play weird games and they continually had singalongs all day long . Definitely not my scene . Was able to see lots of the rainforest , though it was raining the entire day as well . Went to Babinda Creek , Josephine Falls where the water was too high for us to go rock sliding , Millaa Millaa falls where we got the classic pic of us flipping our hair but since my camera broke the other girls took our pictures that we have yet to get from them … , also went to Lake Eacham and Crater Lake . The only thing that made the day was the lunch we had . It was at this random restaurant in the middle of the rainforest and was included with the tour . Amazing chicken and homemade bread and brownies for dessert yum ! - The bus had a name … its name was Gus . The tour guide crazy lady literally talked to the bus and about the bus the entire day . We would go around roundabouts a million times because Gus liked roundabout . At one point the bus was ' crying ' … she had the windshield wipers going with the wiper fluid . I actually couldn 't handle it . - So on the bus , all of a sudden the guide starts talking about these two girls on the bus being musical stars and they won this trip by winning nationals or something for TAMBOURINE . Um what ? So she turns on Brown Eyed Girl and they play the tambourine . It was so weird . They weren 't even that good it just sounded like they were shaking the thing . And the trip is officially over ! Amazing experience , you learn so much so quickly . The trip started off with us getting completely lost too many times to us being able to get to the next stop and quickly find the hostel , get to the bank , a grocery store and steal some wifi . Was so quick but that 's why it was so great . As soon as we got familiar with one place we were on our way to the next . Totalled to 65 hours of busing which was probably the worst part of the trip but I survived it ! Even went with the cheaper company and gave up having wifi on the greyhound . Premier4lyfe , except it wasn 't actually thatttt bad . In the end a bus is a bus . Can 't say I could 've been happier with flying home though , especially since we were upgraded to the emergency exit seats with the extra leg room . Over the course of the trip I managed to crack my Iphone screen in Byron , broke my camera in Cairns and lost numerous articles of clothing along the way . So other that all of that I would definitely call this trip a success ! So happy I did all of this when I did and now finally ready to start school !
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I remember once we were sitting around waiting by the shore , waiting for something to happen . It 's a bit like that here . You can spend doing not much and it seems to be ok . I laughed . " You are so sentimental " . It was one of those complements we proffer which is disguised as a criticism . Perhaps we fear loss of our status within the relationship if we allow out lover to believe we admire them , as if admitting this would lend them power over us . The phone rang . I could see from the screen that it was Billy . Probably he wanted money . It was sure that he wanted something . I opened the phone . " Bily , " I said , " what do you want ? " It was necessary to sound harsh when answering the phone to Billy because it was sure he wanted something . Usually I felt guilty about that right afterwards . It was like shouting at a dog that has been sick on your carpet . " I 'm stuck " , said Billy . " Stuck where ? " I asked . " In a shed " , he replied . Back then , I worked for myself in a room near the harbour on the 6th floor of an old warehouse a street back from the dock . From the window , across some corrogated concrete roofs you could just about see the cranes unloading giant containers which then were shunted into warehouse , but today it was quiet and there was no movement in the cranes I could see . Anyway , I went to this room which had a phone and a desk and an old computer and I ' phoned people and then wrote bits and pieces analysing marketing strategies . Secretly I was happy about Billy 's interruptions , however . No - one was returning my calls , and the article I was writing had an aimlessness to it that I didn 't know how to overcome . But there was another reason for being harsh to Billy which was that he never felt the least shame for bothering you . Maybe he detected that I secretly liked being distracted as I could then blame him for my low productivity : more likely he didn 't give a damn . The shed was in a field . " You can 't miss it , " Billy had told me - which always means the contrary in my experience . The shed was in a field on the north approach road . I knew that quite well , but there was a turn off at a farm , said Billy which because a minor road . My old Rover chunted along happily and sure enough there was the turn off , and belong it a copse , then some uneven fields , cattle grazed in one , in another some crows pecked , a doleful sight . It looked as if it might rain . Then said Billy there were some giant hay barns , painted dark pink , and the shed was in an adjacent field . I stopped the car byPosted by I 've tightened up the details , but more detail is still needed in both . Neither picture has been especially popular on Flickr , perhaps because they lack the sort of clear singular images that make things stand out there . The Yellow painting ( B ) makes me think of Bertie Basset . I like long titles , and may call it , " The Hero on his way to even Greater Glory " . I like the Russian - ness of the title - the painting takes some things from Malevich and Rodchenko . The Green ( A ) has much to do with growth and fertility . I may call it " The Garden of Earthly Delights , or Weird and Kinky " There are three malls here now ( I count only the free - standing malls - there are innumerable smaller malls which offer , in a smaller scale , the similar services ) , all fairly glossy , and serving primarily the needs of middle class females . You need a car to visit one of them , but the others are accessible by public transport . All three malls are costly and bland and their floorspace almost entirely given over to the needs of women . It could be argued that I am placing too much importance on shopping in my analysis . To counter this , it should be noted that these malls are easily the largest recent public constructions in Florianopolis , dwarfing the airport , cathedral and bus station . The malls are also the only places open at weekends and late at night . They are a focus for the general culture in a way that the arts centre isn 't . I would also add that the shopping mall is more truly representative of the society in a way that displays and events at the art centre aren 't . IN relation to this series of photos two things come to mind - how Charles Manson urged his followers to create " witchy " objects using found items when they went on their killing spree . He is and was totally mad , of course , but it it hard to deny the aesthetic force of his imagery . This , much more than his ideas explains his enduring interest . The second though that comes to mind is the memory of an afternoon spent twenty years ago at The Glen in Innerleithan , near Peebles , Scotland with Mark Haddon and others making sculptures out of bits and pieces of twig , the idea being that these sculptures should be so subtle that they are almost not discernible as sculptures at all - they lay at the interface between art and nature . Regarding that memory , isn 't it funny how time " telescopes " so some events or conversations are as fresh in the mind as if they happened yesterday , while others , ostensibly more serious fade ( my first marriage , for instance , which I never give a moments thought to ) ? I shall leave working on the pictures until later today , I think . It 's good to let the paint dry and to have a break from it so I feel fresh . I ' me very much enjying the ease with which I can create bright colours and shapes - the immediacy of painting . The paints I 'm using are excellent quality Windsor and Newton 's and their coverage is incredible . I think their remains for me to reinfrce some of the shapes , making their colour more solid , and also to add more detailing , espcially to the wounded man and to the other faces . I can see this taking three to four more days . More changes , mostly adding in darks and straightening lines . I 'm working quite rapidly . I seem , instinctively , to live certain triangular forms and to work in a very est European way with bold graphic images . The dunce figure has , I think been unconsciously stolen from an artist called Tadeusz Makowski . I think the next step will be to ensure that the lines are more or less square where it matters . There is an Aztec feel about the green picture , and I have injected something from 20s German Art in the yellow . I have a close affinity to art from the 20s and 30s . I suppose that both pictures are self - portraits . I have been working very fast , trying to leave my judgements aside , working from something close to instinct . Two newly begun pictures , both on old canvases using oils , the progress of which I 'll photo and publish here . I don 't know how I want the picture to look like in the end : I shall be making it up as I go along . I have something Malevich - ish in mind at the moment , however . The yellow picture is x 66 cm , the green 50 x 57 c . The canvas is fine linen , oil primed . I may start a third picture , it depends how impatient I feel . Having worked with monotype for most of the last year , I 've become used to a very rapid work pace . A strange meeting . I hovered about . I lit a cigarette . The ' phone was on a console table in the hall . A picture hung on th e wss , the image of a bowl of Longhi lilies . The picture was painted by Fantin - Latour and was inherited from a great aunt . For a moment I just stood there smoking and losing myself in the darkness of the painting . There was an ashtray on the table next to the phone . The ashtray featured the face of the pope milling and waving . I squashed out my cigarette on his nose . I dialled 1471 , then the number the automated service gave me . " Hello , " I said . " Is that Cath ? " " Yes , " said the voice . " This is Clancy Smiles . " " Hello Clancy " . " " What do you mean , Beth is dead ? " I asked . " I mean , she has died , " she replied . " How ? " I asked . " I think you should come here , " said the voice . " My God , " Is said , " who are you ? Why are you being so . . . so damn . . . mysterious ? " There was a pause . I lit another cigarette . " Clancy . " The voice was slow and quiet . " I think you may be taking this badly . " She gave me her address . I wrote it down on the pad . Before I left the apartment I looked over to the dining room . The dinner things were still sitting there on the table . The light from the windows behind caught them , bouncing off their hard surfaces sharply . I could see the sombre facades of the buildings across the road , huge caryatid orders flanking tiny , feminine balconies . Then I put on my overcoat . I turned to a mirror . I saw my face . It was wet : I had been crying . I shivered even with my overcoat on outside . I held the address In my pink hands and read it : 11 Silesia Road , Hackney . Too far to walk . What was Beth doing living in East London . It did not seem to be the right sort of place for her ; too harsh . I travelled to Islington , where I crossed over to the platform to wait on the North London Line . There were bits of litter blowing about outside on the platform . Someone had torn the timetable off the wall . A bearded man wrapped in innumerable layers of clothes like a huge ragged pupae shuffled about , then drawing a bottle form those wrappiPosted by I set out the dinner things in my dining room before leaving for work that morning in anticipation of our returning there . The day passed quickly . I worked in a travel agency which specialised in tours for elderly people . Often their tours had a cultural element : I was responsible for setting these elements up ; finding guides and organising itineraries . I had spent the day in discussion with the Austrian Board of Tourism . They were going to find a guide who spoke English for a day in Vienna . That day would be concerned with the Secession in Austria . My desk was at the back of the hop . At the close of day I heard the door open . I looked across : it was a woman . But it was not Beth . She turned to me : helloHello , I saidDo you do any trips to Russia , she asked . Madam , I said , I strongly advise you against visiting Russia . It 's government is scarcely legal and the whole place is awash with cannibals . She broke into a laugh . I 've been to Russia many times . I want to know about going to St Petersburg . My mother wishes to go to see the Hermitage . I went to get her the brochures . She left . Ten past six . No - one . Perhaps Beth was late . I decided to wait . I went through he racks straightening things . I went into the kitchen and tidied the mugs . I got a cloth from there and a can of furniture polish and I sprayed it on the surface of the desks . Then I polished them with a cloth . I got sick of waiting . I dialled her number . No reply . I went out of the shop . There was no - one standing outside . Then I got a call at home some days later in the morning at 9am . " Is that Clancy ? " " Yes , " I said " Maybe you don 't remember me . Its Cath . " " O . " " I 'm Beth 's sister . " " Ah , " I said - Well , " she said , " You should know something . " " What , " I said " Beth is dead , " said the voice . " O , " I said . " Yes , " she said . She put down the phone . * That can 't be right , I thought . I want to tell a story : an entertainment or a diversion ; something to delight you or make you think . But all I have on my mind is Beth . Some months ago my mother forwarded me a letter from Beth . The letter was quite general . She was now living in London , in Hackney . There was a telephone number too . I called it immediately . " Hello , it 's me , Clancy . " " Clancy ! I wondered if you would get my letter . " " Yes , I got it today . How are you ? Long time . " " Yes , " said Beth . " You 're in London now ? " I asked " Yes , I moved some time ago . " - What are you up to ? " Nothing much . This and that . " " Okay , " I said . Something about her reply made me feel guilty ; something in the tone of voice , as if I had betrayed her by not making more effort to keep in touch . That sense of guilt impelled me . " Do you want to meet for a drink ? " " Ok , " she said . I didn 't recognise the tome from the person I knew . There was something listless about it . " Why don 't you meet me after work ? " I said . " What about tomorrow , or today if you 're free . " " Tomorrow , " she said . " Ok , I said . " There was a lag in the conversation . " Meet me after work . 112 Farringdon Road . " " What time ? " " I finish at six . Come then . " " Okay , " she said . She put down the receiver , It feltoddly final about that . I didn 't get it . I was in a taxi . I was a lawyer . It was 1998 , and it must have been when I was working on the D . fraud case . I can 't remember where I told the taxi to go , but it must have been to collect some documents , I was forever going to collect documents from offices suspected by the investigating team , of which I was a member . Inside it a piece of white " Basildon Bond " paper , folded . I opened it . A handwritten note said , " When you get this I will be dead " . I read the date on the note , it was yesterday 's . I looked again at the envelope : there was a sender 's address on the back . I told the cab to go there . He drove . The address was in Camden . I remember the cab turning from the original destination , along Regent 's Park , past the mosque . I remember September trees and sharp sunlight . Autumn , the air was fresh and clean . We stopped to allow some children with a teacher in a crocodile going over a zebra crossing , their little legs pink in the cool day , perhaps they were going to the zoo . We passed a woman in sunglasses with two whippets , brightly dressed tourists turning a map around , two tramps smoking on a bench . The driver went north through some residential streets to a large house , a villa . The garden was muddy , there was barely grass where a lawn should have been , the tree in the front was a threadbare hawthorn . The house needed painting , the stucco was coming off in slabs , raw brick beneath . The door was painted green , faded , there was a white piece of paper stuck on it somehow . I gave the driver a bank note , he drove away . I ran to the door . I became aware then of another man rushing up to the door too , he was in a dark coat . The paper on the door was a sign , it said , " do not come in if you are squeamish " . We looked at each other : I saw his sallow complexion , his unshaven face , his dark hair . I wonder what he thought of me . We banged on the door with our fists and he cried , " Open up ! Open up ! " , but there was no response . Simultaneously , we threw our shoulders hard against the door . It gave little , but I heard a creaking . We launched ourselves at it again , the hinge burst from the frame with a crack . Then we kicked at the door until it fell . We ran into the hall . There was a strange silence there . We looked at each other . He was a cautious man like me . With an instinct we lurched into the kitchen . There was a kitchen stool lying on the ground ; there was the man who had written the note , hanging from a rope attached to the light flex . He swayed gently to and fro . I did not see his face . I looked over to the other man but he was not there , he was gone . I ran into the hall , I saw a door ajar , I pushed it open , there obscured by piles of books and papers , a table . On it , a computer and an open telephone . I picked up the phone ; I could get a tone . I called an ambulance . New Service Offered . A new department has opened at Angeloni 's giant flagship store in Florianopolis , Brazil . This department can be found next to the cosmetics counter , just behind the cleaning products . Angeloni 's proudly claim that you can find a replacement here for any part of your body , with a range of over 1000 parts to chose from in a range of skin tones and sizes , both male and female . I went there to find out . I 'd decided to replace one of my fingers , because I had managed to scald myself a few days earlier , and there was an unsightly red blister on my index finger . After waiting in a long queue , I was greeted by a sweet - natured man , somewhat camp , not unlike a hairdresser . He showed me their range of index fingers and I was able to find one that matched closely . " after a couple of weeks you won 't notice the difference . They grow to match your skin tones , " he explained . I remembered then that I also wanted to see his noses . The birthday of my girlfriend was approaching and she had often complained about her nose . " I 'd also like a long thin nose , " I asked . " Jewish ? " " I was thinking of something more in the Roman line , " I explained . He had two sizes . " Don 't you have something a bid more like Jo Lopez ? " i asked . The sales assistant told me that an order was coming in in a week 's time , " but we do an express delivery service " . This came as something of a relief as Danielle 's birthday was in two days time . Angeloni 's would gift wrap the nose and deliver i by special courier direct from the factory . Together , the nose and the finger came to just $ 55 . I was standing there looking at the shop windows , thinking how sorrowful they were . I remembered a conversation with Annie . With Annie , everything had a certain brisk likeliness . She didn 't care whatsoever what anyone else thought either , except so far as it entertained her . I was thinking about this time we 'd been in the woods at the back of her parents ' house . The woods were ash and beech . We used to go there to smoke cigarettes when we were 16 . I wonder if her parents knew about the smoking ? They were liberals and reasonably wise , and I think they did know , but thought it a minor sin , not worth creating bad feeling over . That was a good thing about Annie 's house , you felt that you were in the world of adult choices . There was a rotting summer house . You could sit there in when it rained , hidden from the house by laurel bushes . One evening I 'd taken some whisky there and sat listening to the wind softly hushing in the trees and it grew darker I 'd felt this romantic frisson , which I had chosen not to act on . I still wonder if Annie had felt a frisson too ? I know I chose not to act on it because I was young and knew it and knew that I wasn 't ready for that sort of thing , but , idiotically I am unable not to regret it . This is a story about Billy . It is all absolutely true . I met him at the underground station in North London and went to his house for dinner . Then there were some conversations with his children whose behaviour , when not illegal was at least vile . The children were fifteen and seventeen . I hoped they wouldn 't show , but they did . Both slouched manacingly in the kitchen while I ate , watching me . One of them had recently been prosecuted for sticking a knife into another boy on the Edgware Road . I wasn 't sure which one it was : I didn 't want to ask . perhaps it was the one leaning against the wall , scratching his groin . Or it might have been the one with the peirced nostril . I began to feeel quite sick . Not sick in the normal way that you might resonably expect to feel after eating dinner at Billy 's . I mean really very sick indeed . So they drove me to a hospital and was laid up there for a week , which were largely taken up with vomiting . I left hospital quite angry about Billy 's cooking , even for a time wondering if he might have intended to poison me . As soon as I was out on the street I called him . " Billy you bastard . " " Sorry mate , " replied Billy . It wasn 't all bad news . there was a twenty pound not on the floor of the phone box and I went straight to a pub nearby and had a few . The Man SmokingI 'm at the bus station an hour early waiting for Annie in the little restaurant . There 's a guy there , sitting , smoking . That 's all he 's doing - smoking very slowly , puff puff puff , puff . The cigarette is held quite daintily between his index and middle fingers at their ends ( I wonder how it occurred to him that that was the easiest way to hold a cigarette ? Surely there is less chance of it being crushed if you hold it in a v , like Churchill and his cigar ? ) . He holds the smoke in for along time . His lungs must be big or his throat long or both , because it seems forever before the smoke comes out , first in a long jet of smoke , like the smoke form a steam train . . Then after a while , it drifts out in a soft cloud . It lingers there . The face of the guy isn 't sad but somehow I imagine that it ought to be . I wish I weren 't like that , thinking people should be sad for not reason at all . It 's so still in the restaurant that the smoke hands around lingering before it disperses too . I guess it 's what he likes doing most . He 's got some beer in a bottle there , but he 's not sipping . Annie won 't be here for an hour but I couldn 't think of anything better to do than wait in the bus station . I thought that maybe if I went to the bus station I 'd be closer to her . I have always been curious about seedy places , and the people who inhabit them . It 's something I like in Steinbeck and in Malamud and Tom Waits . I 'm going to write some pieces inspired by the bus station and put them on here . Some will be very short , barely a paragraph , more like vignettes .
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I hesitate to write about my child these days . She is her own person with her own thoughts , style , ( secret ) blog ( and , no , I haven 't found or tried to find her secret blog , and if I stumbled across it , I wouldn 't read it unless she asked me to or gave me permission ) . But it 's New Year 's Eve , and once she and her friend leave the house this evening , I will be alone and quiet until sometime tomorrow late morning or early afternoon , and she is my heart and center , and I can 't not write about her . My daughter is 17 now , edging on adulthood but still goofy as hell . I love it all , love every phase more than the last phase . This phase is more difficult for me , though . She 's not pushing me away or running away or turning away . But away she is going . Here is how I see it : She is growing away . A few weeks before she turned 17 , I could sense the grownup shift in her . I will never be able to explain it unless I write it in poem . I believe poetry gives us the ability to write the things we cannot say . I stole that from some other poet or several other poets , but I heard it so many times in so many different ways during my residency last summer and during this past semester that it has become my own belief . Also , I was able to write poems that said things I can 't say . So there . So , tonight . My daughter has been invited to a " black tie " New Year 's Eve party at a good friend 's house . His parents , too , are having a party for their adult friends ( and it absofuckinglutely does NOT bother me that I am not on the invite list because , well , yeah . Me and parties . Not such a good combination . Plus , champagne gives me a massive headache ) . But my Girl is thrilled to get to dress up . Being my Girl , she took " black tie " literally because she wanted to , bought herself a bow tie and sent me on a search ( well , I volunteered ) for a button up shirt . So , hey howdy , I hit Walmart at 4 : 30 on New Year 's Eve and found one women 's white shirt and one small , periwinkle blue man 's shirt . Walmart wasn 't horrible . Or maybe because I 'm in a good mood , I didn 't Posted by My daughter stopped by to pick up a few things a little while ago . She 's with her dad this week . She drooped with fatigue , was famished but said she 'd wait until she got home with her daddy , would make him feed her dinner . She has a big anatomy test tomorrow , just finished marching band rehearsal . She was wearing my old , red flannel shirt over a T - shirt and over those , my old jeans jacket . I wear my father 's jeans jacket now , and I don 't need two . I was thinking about how I used to wear my mother 's socks under slacks sometimes , socks my father gave to me when he was cleaning out his bathroom just before he sold his house a year before he died , about five years after my mother died . I wrote a new poem this morning , but it was just for fun . I have been experimenting with writing poems beginning with lines by famous poets , an exercise my MFA mentor gave our class . The ones I 've been trying to write seriously suck ass and make me unhappy . This one starts with a Frank O ' Hara line , and I don 't want to share it with the group ( or anyone , really ) because we will end up revising the heat out of it . Craft is all well and good , but I feel like I 'm beginning to squeeze my charm out of my poems . I like this bad poem , so I don 't think I want to share it with real poets . Our mentor posted to the discussion board a revision of a poem I 've been working on since the summer residency . He likes the revision , though I know he doesn 't think it 's quite finished . I don 't like the revision , though it has its moments . As my good friend Laura says , she can tell it 's a carefully crafted poem , but she agrees that something is missing from it . I think what 's missing is some kind of heat or smelly flesh or pain that was in the original . It 's too cold now , at least for me . It doesn 't feel like my poem . I 'm not sorry that I took out most of the speaker , turned her into witness , but removing her ( removing me ) , excising the messy relationship crap between mothers and daughters , makes the poem feel sterile to me now . I liked the chaos of the original . Posted by It 's the first day of school for our district . Since my child is at her dad 's this week , I missed the first morning flurry of activity ( and possible panic ) . Sent my lovely Girl a few texts , though , well before 7 a . m . - stop posting so much on the MFA discussion boards . no one is reading your posts . you can write them up for yourself because studying the poems is helping you , but it 's not necessary for you to share all of your thoughts with everyone . pretend you are a shy underclassman again . - it 's all right that your mentor can 't remember your first name . he remembers your poems and complimented you about them in his latest post and in his summer residency evaluation . in this relationship , you don 't matter ; your work matters . He sees the work . That 's what matters . - it 's OK that you " broke protocol . " you 're fucking helping to pay his salary . just pretend he 's not a semi - famous poet and force him to be more accessible . be assertive for the first time in your life . you 're paying for the right . - when you need a break from writing , clean the house ; get rid of all the dust . It 's going to be a hard autumn when it comes to allergies . you 've already spent way more time wheezing than you expected . It 's been a long time since asthma has been a problem . - know that the wacky Walmart poem you 've been spending so much time drafting is not a bad poem . it 's simply rough . I am a long - haired , long - winded hag . I sometimes wonder if the reason I write so much in emails or letters or posts or my journal is that when I was young , I was so shy that I rarely spoke . I had a lot of words saved up . In poetry , compression seems to be key or one of the key elements . The people who are now reading my work really have no . idea . how long it 's taken me even to compress as much as I have . They haven 't been on my journey , don 't know how long it 's taken me to write poems that are poems rather than mini - short stories ( again , I am a terrible short story writer ) . But it 's OK . I know I 'm long - winded , and I know I need to be less . . . ordinary . I can 't completely change my writing process , though . It was born when I was a journalist ( probably before ) . When I drafted an article , I included everything I learned through research and interviews , then began the process of shifting things around to make the most sense , then began cutting to fit the page ( and to make sure I didn 't lose the reader ) . I have to let myself write terrible drafts , though , and terrible in my case will mean long ( and not pages , but stanzas . heh ) . Too many details , I know , too much stuff that will obscure the . . . Today is the first official day of the semester , and three of the four people in my little class have posted ( including me - ha ! ) . We 're discussing diction and use of words in both infinite and finite ways in particular poems . It 's kind of fun . I feel really stupid , though . I don 't have the terminology . I have an intuitive sense of what works , but when people toss out words like " logopoeia " and " phanopoeia , " I start to shrivel up , to dry up , to blow away . I don 't know what they mean , and feel obliged to spend time looking them up and then trying to keep the definitions in my head ( " phanopoeia , melopoeia , and logopoeia - the play of image , music , and meaning . " Pound created these little nuggets . No wonder I don 't quite understand them . I used to hide from Pound in college . Well , not literally , but his work always seemed so aggressive and active , made me feel like running away from my own inability to " get " him ) . It 's all right , though . I 'm owning my ignorance . Just means I might have more to learn than some of the other poets , even though I am older . This post sucks . It 's not very well written , but I don 't care . We 'll just call it what it is : a bad public journal entry . My daughter left for her dad 's about 30 minutes ago . She was with me for a long time , for more than two weeks . I was so terrified and insecure about this grad school thing that I can 't believe she stayed around so long . I wasn 't very good company . It wasn 't because of me that she stayed . She 's missed her daddy . She was just too busy and too tired to make the shift . She 'll be at her dad 's place for a while now , at least through the first two weeks of school . I wonder how many times I 've written the above bits , " My daughter is at her dad 's I miss her so much , " bits . 52 , 086 times ? More ? There is nothing wrong with accepting that your best role , your favorite role , is being her mother . Nothing at all . You can be other things around that , but you love that she is your child , that she is your child . My Girl is back from a shift in the waffle wagon at the county fair , late shift . ( Band boosters sell waffles as a major fundraiser throughout the year . The fair earns us an amazing amount of money . I work on the batter crew rather than in the wagon for various personal reasons , first being that I don 't WANT to work in the wagon , would rather wash dishes and mix up batter ) . I stood for a while on a street corner so that the my daughter and the friends I was picking up from the fair could see me when they left , but we got signals crossed and timing off , and I stood for way too long waiting . I 'm glad the kids didn 't drive themselves ; it 's a little scary down there . Why wasn 't I scared standing on the corner by myself like an old hooker ? I don 't know . I was wary and aware , but not scared . I don 't love ( and barely like ) W . S . Merwin 's poetry . There . I stated this out loud in a public place where my mentor can read it , and the director of the program can read it and my classmates can read it . Maybe Merwin will grow on me . I recognize his mastery , but his poems do not reach me on any kind of emotional level , spiritual level , human level . I feel like I 'm running my hand along a brick wall . The texture is interesting and the color of the bricks is beautiful , but when my hand leaves the wall , I 've forgotten that I read the poem . But I 've been read Cummings and Li - Young Lee and Belle Waring ( LOVE ) and Mary Jo Bang and Peter Campion . I 'm going to pull David Citino off my shelf and mourn him . I 've been reading Tess Gallagher , Elizabeth Bishop , a little Lowell ( Robert , not Amy , though I should read Amy , too ) , some Plath ( only a couple , " The Eye - Mote " for a friend who is in pain after eye surgery ) . My lower back hurts from last night 's dish washing . I feel as if I pulled something . Bought myself some Aleve , but keep forgetting to take it . Maybe it 's time ? My Girl is ready for bed , stripped off her powder sugar sticky waffle wagon clothes . She says she 's going to stay up all night working on English summer reading notes , but I have a sense she 's going to crash pretty quickly . She sugared waffles for four hours . The poem 's literal content is about an adult friend 's suicide , or is about the aftermath for people who knew her . Or , no , is just about this one woman 's reaction , her daughter 's reaction , no , not really even the daughter 's reaction so much as how much life is in the daughter even while the mother is mourning a friend 's death . Life and light despite death and dark . When I first drafted the poem , I wrote pages and pages of . . . things . That 's my process . Poems that ultimately should be a single 10 - line stanza take me eight stanzas to get there , are written like essays or short stories ( I 'm a dreadful short story writer ) . Better to cut . I 'm better at cutting than adding material . I need to be careful that during this MFA I don 't become someone else , don 't start writing like some other woman . I am , already , a good writer with a strong voice ( you just keep telling yourself that , ej ) . It would be a pity to lose myself in other people 's views of where I should go next in a poem . I want to get better , but I don 't want to get lost . Before day 's end , I 'll write a semi - satisfying revision that will get me closer to a final revision . I 'll finish the " illuminate " stanza ( what to do about attribution ? What to do ? ) , decide where to put the " teen network " stanza ( on the cutting room floor possibly . It 's not that lovely a stanza . I can lose it easily ) . If I get stuck , I 'll let it go , write a bad poem with Mark 's four current favorite words ( and a fifth of my own as instructed ) . Chrome , blood , Ziplock , god . And something else , something small , he suggested , something with that open - mouthed vowel sound in its center . My daughter was hilarious last night . She went out with friends , but the " going out " didn 't end up becoming what she expected , so she was home by 10 : 30 , annoyed and beautiful . She didn 't mind my laughing . . . Oh . I wasn 't going to write about her here any more , that 's right . Well , this blog will become faded and dull if I don 't allow myself to write about my child . Back to work with me . Might rewrite the poem completely ( well , not really ) . Will type it in from a printed copy , line by line , to see if something comes while I 'm inputting words . I have two sifters . One is the kind where you squeeze the handle repeatedly to sift flour or powdered sugar ; the other has a crank , that you turn . I like the second one better , though when I bought it , I 'd forgotten I already had a sifter . Usually , I 'm too lazy to sift , just dump flour or sugar or whatever into the bowl before I begin mixing . Sometimes , though , I find I want to follow the rules , find I believe in the magic of sifting or adding the ingredients in a certain order ( sometimes an order I make up ) . It was such an amazing experience , the residency . Everyone there ( except for maybe two people ) was thrilled to be there . Immersion learning . All poetry ( or creative nonfiction ) all day . It will be fine . I 'm inputting notes , and as I input , I pull out lines of poetry I scrawled down while I was supposed to be listening . I need to shake off my sudden need to follow every bit of advice I heard during the residency . I just need to write . I can follow the advice during revision , you know ? I am a good poet , a good writer . I 'm not the best , and I have a ton to learn , many ways in which I can improve . But I feel as if I 've stopped Being Open and Being Brave since I got home . Maybe it 's just harder for me to be a student around being a mother than I thought it would be . Once I get all the bad poetry out , I should start finding the good poetry . Right ? I 'll just dump the poems out instead of sifting them . Oh . Ha . I made it work . I didn 't think I 'd be able to make the sifting image work . It 's bad , though , portent of bad poems to come . My daughter is at marching band rehearsal for another 20 minutes or so . Because she is percussion , she will have to haul her drum up to the band room from the field , store it , store the harness . I write here and remember that I need to call her band director to say yes or no to the waffle wagon shift with him . I need to call my friend in charge of uniforms to see if it 's too late to order a new pair of marching shoes since the Girl just discovered during camp that hers are falling apart , uppers detaching from sole ( there is probably a poem in that . Hm . There 's definitely a poem in that ) . I 'm reading Jorie Graham and Mary Jo Bang , the girls , the girls . I have Merwin 's fat book and Ashbery 's less fat but more daunting book here in the living room with me . I went to bed with the girls last night . The boys . . . I don 't know . I want to understand why they are so good , and I do ! I do ! But I don 't feel their heat when I read them . I want to feel their heat when I read them . I think I will . I hope I will . I already do love some Merwin , though he is " dense " and for my puny brain is like eating Greek food that is too heavy on the garlic ( had Greek food for my birthday , which is why it is on my brain . Love Greek food , partly because I am Greek , or half Greek , but sometimes it 's too much for me the way some poetry is too much for me though I am ( kind of ) a poet ) . It feels sacrilegious to write this . In two years , lovely Merwin will have won me over completely with lines like ( random flipping through pages ) : I heard the sparrows shouting , " Eat , eat , " / And then the day dragged its carcass in back of the hill . / Slowly the tracks darkened . The poets will teach me what I 'm doing wrong . My brother called me yesterday to wish me a belated happy birthday . He was in an airport returning home from somewhere ( he is always returning from somewhere ) . His daughter is coming home from a New York internship soon , but he may miss her arrival since he has to leave for Brazil then goes to Australia then to Amsterdam . I 'm grateful he is not going to London . Finally , UPS showed up with four of the seven books I ordered . Two of the books are " just because I want them " ( and I had gift cards ) : Elizabeth Bishop and Belle Waring . Tomorrow I should get those two and Charles Wright . This evening , I have Merwin , Ashberry , Bang and Graham . Mary Jo Bang came in her own separate box . I 'd been stalking her online much of today . Wasn 't sure I 'd like her , thought maybe I was too stupid to get her . I may be too stupid , but oh honey ! What the girl can do with a phrase or three ! I am smitten and broken hearted for what she experienced , how she wrote it , my fear of what I could experience if the world chooses to . . . I am doing mundane things while I think about these books of poetry that are my textbooks for next semester . I wash my girl 's bras in the sink , dip into my bedroom to fold that wad of clean laundry I crammed into the basket Saturday when I got back home from the residency . I made a run to the much - loathed Walmart while the Girl was at a film ( the planet of the apes remake ) for a razor and shampoo for her . She is now . . . somewhere ? Up at the playground with friends ? She is nearby . I can feel her . This week is hard on her . The band director works the kids hard this week after band camp . ( She tells me he is begging me to work a waffle wagon shift with him since he is the only adult staff that day . I don 't usually work waffle wagon ( we sell waffles as a major fund raiser for the marching band ) , though I sometimes help mix up the batter , but I find it hard to say " no " to Mr . R . ) I napped late this afternoon , cat pressed against my leg purring so hard I felt like I was riding around in the bed of that pick up truck I remember from a visit we made to my sister who was in college at UT when I was 12 or 13 , just before we left for Daddy 's Germany " tour . " I don 't remember if I rode in the bed for a little bit . What I do remember is late that night being crammed ( like the clean laundry ) into the truck 's front bench seat , on my sister 's lap , crushed next to her boyfriend ( now husband ) and some other college boy . I slept on her dorm room floor during the visit , didn 't I ? Didn 't I , Michele ? Do you remember that ? You were so beautiful . I remember a hilarious conversation about bust size , yours and your roommate 's , not mine since I had no bust to speak of when I was 12 and 13 ( still don 't ) . I miss the dust the truck raised on those back roads toward wherever we were going . Somewhere just outside of Austin ? I don 't remember the specifics . I remember feeling sleepy , feeling like a younger child than I was , feeling lucky that you let me hang out with you , that Mommy and Daddy trusted you with me . I shouldn 't quote her any more here . Had a conversation during dinner at the MFA residency one of the first nights that made me think hard about ever quoting my kid here . I can 't remember the content of the discussion , but the other person misunderstood something I said about this blog and was really upset that I would put my child 's words here like . . . whatever . Need to make sure I am not leading a discussion the week the Girl and I go to Fort Leonard Wood to watch our beloved K graduate from basic training . I think it will be all right . I 'll just let Mark know as soon as possible that although I 'll be participating , of course ( since it 's required ) , I will also be driving cross - country at odd hours . . . . . I think my good friend Laura Moe is taking me to lunch for a belated birthday celebration today . It will be nice , though we won 't have as much time to talk as we need . I need to hear about her trip to Arizona , want to share things I learned during the residency . let 's write a list : 1 . I hear someone 's music in this dorm . Not loud . Kind of pleasant . First time since I arrived July 23 . 2 . I was hungry after dinner . Rice , green beans , salad and bread are just not satisfying . Eating fairly healthy while I 'm here ( except for the 100 - cal pack of Milanos I just ate ) , but I feel famished and full . I see a pizza in my future . 3 . The readings tonight were a pleasant surprise . Wasn 't going to attend . . . . PAUSE : If none of the above makes sense , it might help to know that I 'm still at the Ashland University MFA residency . Friday is our last day . It started July 23 . I 'm a poet , in case you didn 't know , or at least I 'm studying poetry . Whether I actually am a poet is something I 'm still trying to figure out . Could be I 'm just a schlub who writes pretty prose in line breaks . 4 . I have my Eagle card ! ( student card ) Opens lots of cool data type doors . 5 . Can 't seem to write while I 'm here . Totally stuck . Probably simply have too much shit in my head . 6 . I 'm so tired I can 't stop blinking or thinking , and I look like hell . 7 . I love the people here . I love the director , the administrator , the faculty , the guests , the other students , the custodian who cleans our dorm , the woman who took my picture for my ID card , the woman who slides my meal card through her scanner at lunch , the student interns , the people I left at home ( or at band camp ) , my cat , my parents . . . . . ( sound like I 'm making an Oscar speech ) . 8 . I want to go home so badly my hands are aching to toss all my clothes , books , toiletries into my suitcase . i would creep down the back stairs and sneak out through the men 's lounge to the little parking area where my car sits . I want to go home . I want to go home now . 9 . If I go home , I will miss tomorrow 's workshop . I 'm dreading tomorrow 's workshop . I fear that someone will say something that will make me look into the face of my bad poems ( which I brought on purpose , poems that matter to me but that need fixing ) and say , " Why fuck me you 're right . I 'm not any kind of poet at all . " 10 . If I sleep Posted by Laundry spins in my washer . I 'm tempted to hang the clothes out to dry on my back patio instead of using the dryer since our electrical grid is likely to be strained over the next 36 hours or so . I don 't think my neighbor is home , so she shouldn 't mind . Not that she would mind , anyway . I wonder , though , if the smell of her cigarette smoke would infest my daughter 's jeans should my neighbor step out onto her back porch for a hot cigarette while the clothes were swaying . I leave Saturday for the MFA residency . I 'm not even kind of ready though I have pulled out my suitcases and have been organizing the clothes I will bring . Two weeks is a long time to be gone , and I 'm worried about my house and my cat , though people will be looking in regularly , and I plan to come home in the middle for a night . I hope my daughter feels free to be here next week as much as she needs to be during the day , though she 's to go to her father 's this afternoon or whenever she wakes up . I don 't even mean just to pack up for band camp ; I mean just to be here in her house alone , her house . I must clean my house a little bit so that I don 't faint when I return . Because of the scorching heat , I 've a feeling I 'll regret choosing solitude in the dorms over air conditioning in the shared apartments . I have fans , though , and may bring a cooler , just fill it with ice and dip my face in it now and then , you know , because I 'm cool like that . I am trying to gather up things for my daughter to take to band camp , too , that first week in August . I worry that she will not be able to find things she needs in my messy house . I don 't want her to stress . Some kinds of stress are good for her , but not the ones I cause because I 'm messy and disorganized . * My little city is a mess over the loss of the 14 - year - old boy . I wonder if things would be less contentious if we didn 't have such immediate access to each other , if we couldn 't express our opinions instantly and sometimes anonymously . People point and blame and holler , don 't take that deep breath designed to stop us Posted by I didn 't know the boy who died , though in the pictures I 've seen of him on Facebook , he looks familiar , and I may have checked out books for him when he was in sixth - grade ( 2008 - 2009 ) , and I volunteered in the middle school library . My daughter only knew the boy by name and sight since she 's two years ahead in school . The boy who died was about to be a freshman , a new member of the 2011 - 2012 high school football team . It 's so strange living in this technological explosion . People visit his Facebook page , the dead boy 's page , and write to him , people who knew him well , like best friends and girlfriends , people who skated with him , ran with him , played sports with him . People who only knew him by sight write to him as if they could make up for time disconnected . My daughter understands that this sort of thing will make me weep . She is off with a good friend now , hanging out , doing Lord knows what . ( I trust my Girl , but it 's really , really hard to let her go sometimes . Really hard . ) On July 8 , our school board adopted an Extracurricular Code of Conduct . All school athletes and others in certain activities ( though oddly enough marching band is not mentioned though drama is , quiz team is ) are required to attend a meeting to learn about the code , are required to sign a document certifying they have read the code and will abide by it . If they violate the code , they will face consequences . This code is new , and I 'm not sure what triggered it . Maybe some school board members began hearing about the parties some of their athletes threw involving underage drinking . Maybe a parent complained when a young son or daughter came stumbling into the house after a party , drunk as the proverbial skunk . Whatever triggered the code , it 's too late for the boy who died last night . The rumor we 've been reading is that he died of alcohol poisoning . Part of the story is that he was attending a football party the way my daughter attended a percussion party last night but without the drinking ( they stuck to Mountain Dew and Flaming Hot Cheetos . Posted by Through another spoken word poet ( Scott Woods , a hilarious , gifted generous man and poet ) , I discovered Cristin O ' Keefe Aptowicz , and through her , I discovered this wonderful project in Philadelphia called the Philly Youth Poetry Movement , and through this project , I discovered Sarah Kay , who presents the above TED talk . As Scott said , these discoveries that link us to each other are " The Circle of Life . " ( understand , he is one of the funniest people I 've ever met . He 's so lovely and funny , so irreverent and gifted that he rekindled my ( teen ) daughter 's love for poetry a couple of weeks ago when we attended one of the Writers Block Poetry Night weekly open mics and occasional slam contests . I owe him . Big time . ) . I don 't regret that I 've spent a great chunk of my afternoon watching spoken word videos and following links to other links to other links . I would love to found something like this in this little city . Some day , after I finish the MFA and find a little paid work . That 's not a " maybe . " That 's an " I 'm fucking well going to do this . " Daughter still sleeps , though it 's five pass noon . Cat lies curled on the edge of this bed where I sit reading poetry and essays about poetry , where I begin the process of freakingthe fuckout . no , no , it will be fine , I promise , Elizabeth . You 'll be fine . Take this self out of the equation , and follow the crumbs to the center , you know , labyrinth style ( not " Hansel and Gretel " style ) . It will be fine . I have poetry packets for both MFA residency sections . I see my own poems in the packets and cringe . Why is that ? Take this self out of the equation . Move aside . We have things to do and no time for the ego of self - loathing . It 's time to work , now . You don 't matter . The work matters . My head aches a bit and I remember that I haven 't eaten yet today . A bad habit . My girl and I didn 't eat until 3 p . m . yesterday when we picked up a friend and had a late lunch at Cracker Barrel . My daughter drove us to the restaurant and then drove us to the music store where she bought a set of sticks for her tenor toms and her friend bought slide oil for her trombone . My daughter drove us back to my house and dropped me off . My daughter is driving ( like everyone 's daughter eventually drives ) . She leaves me more and more , but when she returns after a day with her friend , returns at midnight , we talk as much as we can around texts that flood her phone . She is an amazing young woman and works to repair a snag in connection between two friends . I read an essay by Mark Irwin on the nature or definition or philosophy of truth . Loved reading it . Fed my head . Belly filled with stone . No wonder I forget to eat . I worry that I am too stupid to be a graduate student . I was too stupid the first time I tried it . No , no , that 's not true . You were too shy the first time . You didn 't have an advocate . You wouldn 't advocate for yourself . You lost your heart . You have no time and no room for this narcissistic self - deprecation . No room . I don 't know what this is . It doesn 't matter . Does it ? No , no , don 't question this . It 's fingers on laptop keys and ceiling fan Posted by Title has no meaning here . Today : My daughter passed her driving test , has her license , doubled my car insurance , plans now to stay in for the rest of the day . * RiteofpassageShe took her time getting this license , in fact , had to renew her permit because it expired before she got around to taking the test . She 's a good driver . Friends nagged her . " Just go take the damned test ! Why don 't you just take it ? You need to get your license ! " Why ? Sixteenstill my babysixteenfull - grownsixteencomplicated and richsixteenfor five more months . . . I feel like waging war on time . I feel like sleeping . I have lost some important documents , though the losing of them isn 't nearly as serious as my middle - of - the - night self thought . They 'll turn up . In the meantime , I have the account number and can handle business . My stomach growls . My fat stomach growls . The soft roll of itshould be familiar to me now . Softrolllike the grassy hillmy brother and I rolled downin summer behind our Maryland housejust at duskjust before our mother called usto come in for our baths , all red eyed and itchy skinnedfrom green allergies . I feel no motion in fingers rushing across keys . I received the session one packetfor my MFA residency . Only three other studentsare in my group . Love their pieces , which , I tell myself , means they will not love mine . I don 't know why I think this . I do know why . I don 't trust . . . . in what ? Oh . Whatever . I wonder if I am the only skepticwhen it comes to God . ( I stalk the other poets , see that I may not be the oldest , see that I may be the most mundane . Why does the word " prosaic " pop into my head ? Because it does . It just does . ) In the mail , my daughter receives two letters from Pvt . Buddy . No return address yet . She must have sent them last week before she knew how we could reach her . We have letters ready to go out as soon as we know where to send them . Bootcamp . I received a legal notification about some Honda lawsuit . I 'm going to exclude myself . It all sounds wonky . Wonky makes my stomach grumble more than growl . Complain , complain , complain . Now that I Posted by Living room now . My Girl has her quads practice pad out . " I love the bounce on this . So much better than the real drums , " she says . While she practices , I will shower . After I shower , she will shower . After she showers , we 'll go driving ( practice for tomorrow 's driving test ) . It 's cloudy . I started watching Howl last night but wore out ( it was 2 : 30 a . m . when I finally shut off the DVD player and crawled into bed ) . It 's not what I expected it to be . It 's more about the words , about the poetry , than about the " lurid " details of Allen Ginsberg 's life . It makes me happy . I am obsessed with poetrybut haven 't written a new poemsince June . And now , I have this novel premise I dreamed that keeps nudging my hand when I try to write stanzas instead of paragraphs . Do me ! Look at me ! I know I 'm not high art or even vaguely literary . I know I 'm just entertainment and weirdness . But you know you want me . You know I intrigue you . You 're hungry for me the way I 'm hungry for you to write me . The plan has shifted . The Girl hit a snag on one of the pieces , doesn 't know how to play it so she 'll have to wait until Boss Boy returns from Vegas where his mom lives ( he spends summers with her and the school year here with his dad and step - mom , but that 's not really part of this post ) . She will shower and then I will showerand then we 'll go driving . Cat walks back and forth along the west edge on my bed . He seems to be avoiding sitting on things . I sleep with books on my bed , with headphones , an iPod classic , a journal , sometimes a stray clean sock with no mate . My Girl sleeps . I 'm pretty sure she was up chatting or texting with a friend much of the night . Their lives are complicated . I 'm glad I 've forgotten what it 's like to be 16 , though I write 16 - year - old characters , so maybe I should let myself remember . This is a slow way into a post I haven 't composed yet . I will , as usual , compose in this window . I want to write a love letter to our politicians . I can 't , though . I can 't love them . I want to write a love letter to our Constitution . That makes more sense . I 'm not as familiar with the Constitution as I 'd like to be . It 's one of those things I read periodically but can 't retain . Sort of like instructions on how to program my phone . ( I know that is a trite comparison . ) Maybe one of the things every American should do on July 4 is read the Constitution . I just paused while writing this to reread it , well , skim it . It 's a pretty brilliant piece of work , really . I have to wonder how our Founding Fathers knew what we would be up against . I have lost my train of thought because I started researching " corporate personhood " as I wrote . When I think about politics , about our government , about Democrat vs . Republican , liberal vs . conservative , people vs . corporations , I feel all deflated and sad . Deflated is not so bad because then maybe my fattening belly will unfatten . But sad is not good . I feel impotent and discouraged for my child and all the kids I think of as my " fake children . " When we moved to Ohio in 1995 ( from Texas . Red state to semi - red state , though glory hallelujah , she was a bit blue in 2008 ) , I started paying attention to who was running for what , what they believed , what they promised , how they planned to implement their promises . Then I watched everything unravel when they got into office . Our mayor is not running for office again ( don 't blame him . PPosted by Sound of the tenor toms ( quads ) stitched a rhythm in my head that I rather like . I 'm glad my Girl switched from bass drum to this gorgeous instrument . She is off again in a few minutes to go to a special lunch with friends . In eight days , her dear friend leaves for Basic Training , and everyone who loves the friend is cramming in as much time with her as possible . It 's exhausting but right . I am struggling to let myself write without judging what I 'm writing while I write it . I 'll get over this bad habit by July 23 . I 've got 14 pages of poetry gathered so far for the residency workshops ( 10 to 15 pages required ) . I 'm going to remove and replace , revise a bit , second guess myself , divide the manuscript in two for the two separate weeks with two different poetry teachers . When I think about the actual , real life process , the sitting in a room with six other poets focusing only on poetry , understanding that poetry is breath and blood and laughter , I smile hugely , can 't help it . I 'm so dreadfully excited that even the nightmares I 've been having about money and my not - quite - husband giving me bad financial advice , dreams in which I forget not only my iPod when I leave for the two - week residency , but all of my clothes , waking fears that my work is too personal , not academic enough , not well enough crafted , none of these things can tamp me down . I 'm a fucking trick birthday candle , people , the kind you can 't blow out . So there . I 've discovered a small mound of poems that I never revised , never submitted . I 'm disappointed that I didn 't give them the attention they deserved . One in particular that I used to despise I realize I only despised because of its title . It 's a good poem worth salvaging ( especially since it mentions Thomas Merton ) . My focus is split in too many parts lately , and I 'm desperate for three solid days of me + poetry time , but my current life is what it needs to be , and I love it . On Twitter , a young man advised me to take up yoga to help with focus . I didn 't laugh at him because he 's sweet . But yoga doesn 't helpPosted by I sit on the floor , my back against the sofa , taste of Ramen on my tongue . An ant crawls onto my right forearmfrom some mysterious crumb cavethat 's been formingunder the furniturefor the seven yearsI 've lived here . He is an outdoor ant , though . His queen probably sent him in as a scouton the hem of my jeansas I crossed the back threshold . After I crush himinto two crunchy black pieces , I fling him into an empty box . A New York congressman resignsover a new breed of scandal : sexting . I don 't want to care . I should have knownthat he would go downsince his words and charisma ( and arrogance and ego ) built hope in my chest ( like those crumb caves under my furniture ) when I heard him debatereactionary leaders . I 'm tired of the mediacreating the news , stampede of bare - chested imagesthat have nothing to dowith tomorrow . fuck it all . Ah well . I am done with you , Politics . I 'll eat Poetry , instead , like Mark Strand . I 'll grow fat on strophesand find my hope in alliteration . In 30 minutes , I 'll leave my house againto gather my daughter againfrom an activity . Our plans are " soft " ( like my belly ) . Her friend who leaves us soonfor boot campmay or may notcome overto visit and watch filmswith us both . I have workthat wants doing , stanzas to build ( like those crumb caves under my furniture ) . Writing latelyis like army crawlingthrough my carpet . The weave of the wordsscratches my chinand the exposed portion of my chest . I 'm raw from trying too hard . Maybe I can get a random antto whisper a line or twointo the ear that isn 't going deaf . I think the storm is passing . A friend spent the night and was actually supposed to leave at 11 , but when the sky cracked open and roared , she decided whatever she needed to do could wait until the grumbles and shouts stopped . I am stretched out on my bed , kitty is nearby , head flipped upside down , a sign he is happy . I have a couple of forms I need to send to the MFA office . Can 't think why I didn 't ship them off Wednesday . They 're simple forms , accommodation selection , mentor preference . All of the poets who teach in this program have something wonderful to offer . I 'm selecting based on whether they are likely to hate my work or like it all right . What is that about ? I read their poems and think , " They really are going to hate my shit . " I don 't think it 's true that any of them will hate my work . Maybe I don 't write poetry that 's connected to mythology or William Blake or Kafka . Maybe I write closer to home both geographically ( as in my living room or the high school ) and intellectually . That doesn 't mean my work doesn 't connect or count . I want to write poems that connect , communicate , touch , reach , mean something , implore , explain , open , crack , weep , laugh , dance . Lately , I 've been wanting to write more and more poems about the teens I know , though it 's difficult because I know too many of their secrets , and I place those secrets in my imaginary vault . But a conversation ( email ) that I had with one of my oldest and dearest friends , a woman who loves me and loves my child because my child is mine , made me wonder about something related to adults and teens , maybe to adults who don 't have teens or don 't have kids or who don 't remember what their own children were like when their children were teens . What I 'm about to write is a terrible generalization , and I should be slapped for it . But it feels like many people lump teenagers , all teenagers , into this giant box labeled , " Rude , untrustworthy snot . Set aside until ripe . " Teenagers aren 't their ages . My daughter , who is 16 , is more mature than an acquaintance of mine whoPosted by list : 1 . This afternoon , I 'm chauffeuring / chaperoning three 16 - year - old girls to a Taylor Swift concert . That sentence sounds funny , but I 'm in a hurry and don 't feel like messing with syntax or grammar . I am the last - minute " compromise . " I will say here since I know teens don 't tend to read the blogs of 50something mommy / poets that I 'm not a huge Taylor Swift fan . I am , however , a fan of teens . 2 . MFA . Because I crept in late through the back door ( sort of ) , I 'm missing some bits of information that will get me from the Now to the residency , which starts July 23 . Once I have the information I need ( for instance , the workshop manuscript . Is there a " rubric " for this ? ) , the thrilled Lizzie will maintain dominance over terrified , self - deprecating Lizzie . Although self - deprecation is one of my forms of self - defense , I think I need to shed that bad mama , at least internally . I believe in my work . Even when I read the poetry faculties ' poems and think , " They 're going to hate my shit , " that thought is a lie . I believe in the power not just of poetry in general to conquer my bratty side , but in the power of my own poems . I write for a reason , many reasons . Although I adore writing fiction , poetry is my drug of choice . I 'm not a bad poet . Strike that . I 'm a good poet who can be a better poet . I will hold onto my self through these next two years , make sure I get what I want and need out of this program because I 'm old enough to understand that I don 't have time to get in my own way or to let anyone else get in my way . I know what I want to do , know the kinds of poems I want to write , have a vision , hazy maybe , but a vision . 3 . This past weekend , I touched a " thin place . " For me , thin places are more than actual geographic locations . They are spiritual moments when joy collides with sorrow , when the wall between me and God thins , and I understand ( though I can 't quite articulate ) the meaning of grace . 4 . In the fall , I am going to be too busy , but I can 't wait . I will be putting in 25 to 30 hours a week on MFA work , teachingPosted by House is warm . Outside , it 's in the 80s , and tomorrow , we will have a rare flash of 90 degree temperatures in May . Tomorrow , my father would have been 80 , my dear friend who died in 1991 would have been 53 . I 'm too busy to feel melancholy this year . Fifth week of the online poetry workshop I 'm taking with Diane Frank . Well , the fifth week is nearly over , sixth starts tomorrow . I have not shared a poem . The seed / prompt was wonderful , was musical , was visual . I ran from it . Don 't know why , exactly . Yesterday , I crept onto Facebook , lurked on my daughter 's page and saw that she had posted a photo of a new painting , slap , dash , quick , as if the painting flew out of her brush . I 'm writing a poem about her , about the painting , about another . . . thing , a conversation we had that might seem funny but that is a symbol of what our children are experiencing the way we experienced " duck and cover " ( that was a tiny bit before my time ) or the seemingly never - ending Vietnam Conflict . The poem is not going well , and I have a sense that I will give up and let go of writing a poem for the workshop this week , though now that I 've said that maybe the poem will finally write itself , which isn 't a true thing . Poems don 't write themselves . I write the poems . I just need to get out of my own way ( as I told myself in a text I sent to myself a few days ago ) and write . * Here , part of the reason the poems are coming so slowly , are going badly , is that I am distracted . I seem to have tricked myself into applying to graduate school after all , though I had decided I would wait until my Girl herself was off to college . Doors opened in unexpected hallways , and the allure was impossible for me to ignore . Sent writing sample ( that I pieced together far too quickly for my own comfort . It 's a good thing I 'm prolific . I had a lot of possibilities that could have made up those 10 to 15 pages of poetry ) , drove the hour to Columbus and met the MFA program 's director during a reading and workshop he gave , received an email Monday morning after he read my wriPosted by In the back of my mind , I feel those little white spiderscrawling up and over each other , spinning a wall of some kind , good or bad ? Don 't quite know . I used to find the little spiders everywherein the house on Fairmont , considered them " friends . " To consider them enemies would have been to give them power . I don 't know if that sentence works . I don 't know if my fingers are typing truthor nothing . I am behind on a workshop poem . I don 't know if I 'm stuckor feeling reluctant . I can 't find my strong verbs . Time for magnetic poetry ? Time to find a poemon the Seventh Day Adventist Church signor in the Victoria 's Secret cataloguewe started receivingafter I purchased tiny underwearfor my tiny daughter . It 's warm in the house . My hair is heavy . My stylist is back in her shopafter six months of workinga different job . It 's been a year since she lastcut my hairand I tried to look like someone else . white , downy , curls , waves , froth , frequent , undertow , belly upNo . Nothing to see here . Move along . Yes , it 's still rainingor raining again . It stopped long enoughfor me to go to the girl 's father 's houseto scrub down her bathroomand make up her bed , a favor to him , to her , to myself . The right - hand flowerbed is a marsh . ( thunder sounds ) ( no , it is an engine ) The pink and blue hyacinthsI didn 't plantseem about to float down the hillof my yard , to fall into the storm sewer , to travel to Maltaor Istanbul . I remember nowwhy I 'm thinking about my father . It 's nearing that time of yearwhen we took his last cruise . ( I am wrong . It isn 't an engine . It is thunder . ) I 'm filled with a beautiful melancholythat feeds into a poem - in - progress . Miles Davis plays on my iTunes . Tone will shift in a minute . Shuffle , shuffle . It 's nearly time to retrieve my tired teenfrom the high school . We should go for that ordered scan , but fuck all , I just don 't have the energyto fight a waiting roomto get confirmation that her back is healthy . Maybe tomorrow . Maybe not . I change my mind againsort ofabout school / not school / where school / why school / purpose . It 's all about the poetry . That 's what I need to remember . National Poetry Month celebrations continue all over the place . Today is Poem in Your Pocket day . I 'm carrying two poems today , one in my left back pocket ( the Jane Kenyon ) , one in my right ( the Naomi Nye ) : PotatoIn haste one evening while making dinnerI threw away a potato that was spoiledon one end . The rest would have beenredeemable . In the yellow garbage pailit became the consort of coffee grounds , banana skins , carrot peelings . I pitched it onto the compostwhere steaming scraps and leavesreturn , like bodies over time , to earth . When I flipped the fetid layers with a hayfork to air the pile , the potato turned upunfailingly , as if to revile me - looking plumper , firmer , resurrectedinstead of disassembling . It seemed to grow until I might have made shepherd 's piefor a whole hamlet , people who pass the daydropping trees , pumping gas , pinninghand - me - down clothes on the line . Jane KenyonHiddenIf you place a fernunder a stonethe next day it will be nearly invisibleas if the stone hasswallowed it . If you tuck the name of a loved oneunder your tongue too longwithout speaking itit becomes bloodsighthe little sucked in breath of airhiding everywherebeneath your words . No one seesthe fuel that feeds you . Naomi Shihab Nye ( from Fuel , BOA Editions Ltd . , 1998 ) * Yesterday evening , I limped through a conference call with the director and the admissions counselor for Goddard College 's master of arts in individualized studies . I 've been considering an emphasis in Transformative Language Arts , one of several possible concentrations . I think eight of us , maybe nine , participated . I did ask a question that I 've had since I first discovered this program . I already knew the answer it turns out . I 'm drawn to this program , but I don 't think I belong there , not yet , maybe not ever , but damn , there 's just something about the place and the people who work / teach there . Ruth Farmer is the program director , and she spoke to us about the residencies , shared some projects current students and alumni have produced ( produced is the wrong word ) , answePosted by The wind is picking up again , gusting against the house . I want to go for a walk , a quick one , to return some DVDs , to feel the terrible wind toss my terrible hair . My Girl is off with friends relaxing . She has misplaced her wallet ( it will turn up . these things always do ) . Her friend bounced into my house and said , " I want to plant flowers with you ! I plant flowers every year . " My garden isn 't a garden . It 's three terrible beds , terrible as the terrible wind , not yet filled with weeds . But the weeds will happen . I think I can finish those essays by Friday . Correction : I know I can finish those essays by Friday . Will I ? I won 't know until Friday . Friday , the Girl and I are going to a Teen Improv show . Well , we are both going but not together . Sitting through improv with one 's mother is probably almost as bad as watching the sex scenes in Black Swan with one 's mother . I will detach myself from Girl and her friends and find my improv teacher . ( I love her . She 's opening me up to a whole new me . This class is my secret gift to myself . I have told very few people who know me in person that I 'm taking it . ) Saturday , the Girl will suffer through five hours of ACT testing . Sunday , she will / we will pack for the band trip next week to Disney . Her Daddy will come by to gather her suitcase to take to the school for storage and loading while I am off to make an ass of myself in the class I so love , so love , so love . Monday she leaves us until Saturday . I know I will fret . She is glad I didn 't want to chaperone . Freedom . She won 't have time to miss us , and that pleases me . I feel like I 'm entering a new phase . I will be able to enter it fully if I can shatter some bad patterns that don 't do me any good . I can shatter the patterns . Will I ? There is lust in this wind . It hungers for something . My body hungers for movement . It 's time to walk . . Tell me a storyabout raindrops and thunder , about Parmesan cheese and sandcastles . While you are talking , pour me a glass of something room temperatureand menstrual blood red , something stomped out of mixed blood grapes . I will eat your storywith a teaspoon , bite by bite , too quickly to rememberthe protagonist 's name . Was it Harry ? Was it Sylvia ? Was he 47 or she 22 ? Did Sylvia dance or did she whisper poetic monologuesto the back row of the Paramount Theatre in Austin , Texas ? My mother was once 5 , my father once 17 . She was older by five and a half years , died five and a half years before he died . They are the same age now . Inside the raindrops and thunder story , I wear a black vest with a sterling silver gecko pinattached to the paisley lapel . I used to be prettyuntil I grew wise . Now my silver hair shimmerslike that ridge - backed gecko . I speak this poem that is not a poemaloud as I type , watch black wordssoil white screen . I 'm a dismal dripuntil you look into my small , brown eyesand realize that I like nothing betterthan deep , gut - busting laughtereven as the wind attacks my shingles . ( note : this is only " spoken word " poetry because I wrote this poem aloud , typed the words I was saying as I said them , composed it directly from mouth to screen . ( no editing ) ) This morning , my Girl was looking over her history notes while she ate her cereal . She got an extra hour of sleep because she had a doctor 's appointment , just a check up ( A + on the check up except for a tiny , possible curvature of her spine that the nurse practitioner said could be , but probably isn 't , very mild scoliosis . We 'll get her a scan later this week . It is not a big deal . Yeesh . What a digression ) , so she was looking particularly perky . We talked about grades a little bit . I don 't know her exact grade - point average , but but it 's higher than a 4 . 0 . Her good friend Little A has a 4 . 5 grade - point average . " I tell her she 's a genius , " my Girl said , " and she says , ' It 's not that hard . What 's hard about getting all A 's ? ' " My Girl admits she 's an overachiever and also admits that although her daddy and I love and encourage A 's , she strives because she chooses to strive , works hard for her grades , wants to be the best , though she thinks she can 't be the best because unlike her lovely friend Little A , she actually has to study . Her history teacher is a great teacher . He tries to teach the kids the stories of history in a dynamic and interesting way . He 's tough . He 's a hard grader . On a recent quiz , he took a half point off my girl 's score because he said she left out a word . " He said I didn 't use enough adjectives to describe the situation . I mean , yeesh ! It was one word . ' Half a point , Mr . M ? ' I said . ' Come on ' ! " In other words , she didn 't get 100 percent . She got a 96 . " You kids are too worried about your grades , " he told his students when they complained . " It 's the school 's fault and the teachers ' faults that we care so much about grades , " my Girl said . " They 've taught us to want all A 's , especially the honors kids . What do they expect ? " I 've heard my Girl admit that she loves Mr . M even when she 's really angry with him for some ridiculous ( in her eyes ) assignment that forces her to learn a topic from hair to toenails . She admits that she likes to learn . In French I , her classmates are not her usual peer group , not aPosted by
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< a href = " http : / / archiveofourown . org / works / 6759508 " >< strong > Need is just a word < / strong >< / a > ( 40426 words ) by < a href = " http : / / archiveofourown . org / users / masterlokisev159 " >< strong > masterlokisev159 < / strong >< / a >< br / > Chapters : 6 / ? < br / > Fandom : < a href = " http : / / archiveofourown . org / tags / Marvel % 20Cinematic % 20Universe " > Marvel Cinematic Universe < / a >, < a href = " http : / / archiveofourown . org / tags / The % 20Avengers % 20 ( Marvel % 20Movies ) " > The Avengers ( Marvel Movies ) < / a >, < a href = " http : / / archiveofourown . org / tags / Captain % 20America % 20 ( Movies ) " > Captain America ( Movies ) < / a >, < a href = " http : / / archiveofourown . org / tags / The % 20Avengers % 20 ( Marvel ) % 20 - % 20All % 20Media % 20Types " > The Avengers ( Marvel ) - All Media Types < / a >< br / > Rating : General Audiences < br / > Warnings : Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings < br / > Relationships : Steve Rogers / Tony Stark < br / > Characters : Steve Rogers , Tony Stark , James " Bucky " Barnes , T ' Challa ( Marvel ) , James " Rhodey " Rhodes , Vision ( Marvel ) , Natasha Romanov , Thaddeus Ross , Sam Wilson ( Marvel ) , Wanda Maximoff < br / > Additional Tags : Captain America : Civil War ( Movie ) Spoilers , Post - Captain America : Civil War ( Movie ) , Hurt Tony , Protective Steve Rogers , Kidnapping , Civil War Fix - It , Hugs , Tony Needs a Hug , Rescue , Non - Consensual Drug Use , Hurt / Comfort , Hurt Steve Rogers , Angst with a Happy Ending , Captain America : Civil War ( Movie ) < br / > Summary : < p > A month has gone by since the war and Tony has never felt more alone . of course , with the unrest within the government , the disappearance of the Avengers and the obvious lack of Steve Rogers , it was only a matter of time before the UN finally flipped out and decided to act on the last available Avenger . Too bad they didn 't realise a promise had been made by Captain America to be there when Iron man needed him . < / p > A month has gone by since the war and Tony has never felt more alone . of course , with the unrest within the government , the disappearance of the Avengers and the obvious lack of Steve Rogers , it was only a matter of time before the UN finally flipped out and decided to act on the last available Avenger . Too bad they didn 't realise a promise had been made by Captain America to be there when Iron man needed him . So I recently saw Civil war and it was awesome ! My Stony feels were on fire and I got this idea for a fanfic . I haven 't written any fics for a long time ( years ) so any comments would be very much appreciated - how else can I give you guys what you want ? : DTell me what you think and whether I should keep going and hopefully we can all turn into a pile of Stony mush together ! The phone was still there . He 'd checked about three times in the last hour so he was pretty sure it was still there , right in the third draw of his desk he 'd hidden it in . It was still there . Definitely . It wouldn 't hurt to check one more time though . Screech . Tap . Yup . Still there . Staring at the outdated flip phone in his hand for the fourth time now in the hour was Tony Stark , the most exhausted and quite honestly , strung out human currently making amends with the government . Well making amends was kind of a nice way of saying he was trying to keep them from setting his compound on fire . Because they were that close to storming the place and demanding some answers . His voicemail was kind of being owned by Ross right now . ' Mr . Stark this is General Ross , you are being called in for your statement by the UN in two weeks time . ' ' Mr . Stark , it has been a week and you have not yet given correspondence as to whether or not you will be meeting with the UN to discuss recent events regarding Captain Rogers and the remaining avengers . ' ' Stark , you missed the meeting and the UN are filing a case for disregard of the law . This can be avoided if you simply disclose information . Where is the location of Captain Rogers and the avengers ? We know you must have had some form of contact with him . ' The first message had come through three days after Tony had gotten the letter and phone from Steve . And the last message had come through five days ago so it had been twenty - two days since he 'd been given the phone . And hadn 't so much as turned it on . Instead , the moment he 'd finished reading the letter , he 'd grabbed it and chucked it into the nearest empty draw on his desk and wandered off to spend some time with Rhodey during physio . That same night he 'd walked passed the desk and wandered up to his bed only to remember that the letter was still on his desk in plain sight . And come to think of it , so was the shield . And that phone was still in the draw . As Tony placed the phone gently back into its designated compartment of the desk , he thought about the letter and what Steve had planned . He wouldn 't have written that letter otherwise and he wouldn 't have given him a phone which he could easily use to track him . Surely Steve knew that he could do it with just a phone call ? He wouldn 't even have to say anything , he could just ring it and wait for someone to pick up . It was so simple . Tony hadn 't told Ross or the UN or any government body about it - he didn 't dare after the stunt they pulled with prison cells for his team , his family . After that , he couldn 't trust the government and neither could Rhodey or Vision since they also hadn 't mentioned the phone to anyone . Although Rhodey did tend to call him Tony Stank nowadays . Thanks a lot post guy . The Black Widow smiled back at him calmly before walking up to him to face him . She looked well with all the things that had happened and Tony guessed she was probably enjoying her time with Clints family . That 's where she said she 'd gone after the whole mess . Probably because she thought Clint would go back there soon enough . " Well . . . I miss people . . . but I 'm fine , how are you ? Kids still treating Aunt Tasha well ? They dress up as black panther for a birthday party yet ? " His earlier genuine smile had somehow molded into a fake PR one that actually felt so brittle he was worried it would break right there and then . He couldn 't afford to have another breakdown here . He 'd already had enough of those to last a lifetime and besides , Natasha was concerned about him . That had to mean something . His hands shook as he clenched them and his heart skipped a beat . A rush of fear shot through him before he calmed down and remembered . This was Nat , his friend who was on his side more or less . It was okay if she knew about the phone as long as no one else did . " All of us know about it . Steve told us to make sure it was delivered to you . And make sure you kept it with you . " she sighed as she crossed her arms and rolled her eyes . " Why would he do that ? And why me ? " His eyes widened slightly with surprise and despite everything he had been telling himself he had that compulsion to pick up the phone and call Steve again . Why him ? And why did he tell all the Avengers ? And why did he say to keep it with him ? " If you want to know , call him at some point . But I think you should head to bed before anything else . You may say you 're fine but believe me Tony , you 're looking way too run down . I 'm pretty sure that 's not what Steve wants . " " Who care what he wants . It 's not like he actually cares . " He breathed out and turned to face the desk but not before a hand grasped his shoulder making him face Natasha 's gaze , eyes piercing . " You should really call him . Tony . " The engineer blinked once before nodding slowly . There was something wrong that she wasn 't telling him . He could see it in the way she was staring at him . Like her eyes were glued to him . When he watched her take the lift down to Rhodeys floor , he thought about her visit . Why would Natasha visit him now after a month just to tell him about the phone ? It didn 't make sense . It took three whole days before Tony finally broke and turned on the phone . He hadn 't been able to stop thinking about Nat 's visit and couldn 't help the growing feeling of fear . Natasha had looked worried and that usually meant someone was in trouble and Tony didn 't want to even consider Steve and the others being captured again . No , he had to make sure they were okay . Taking a deep breath and loosening his grip on the keypad , he went into the contacts of the phone and found one solitary number with the name ' Nomad ' . Obviously Steve 's attempt at being subtle which made Tony want to laugh . What kind of alias was that ? A few rings and there was a click , then Tony could hear breathing on the other end . He swallowed and tried to ignore the horrible feeling of sweat trailing down the back of his neck . He shivered . He really needed a haircut . It was more than he could take , more than he deserved . He wanted to be by Steve 's side again , along with the others . He wanted that back , even if just for a short while , surely he 'd tried hard enough to keep things together ? But Steve had left him behind with a letter and an old piece of technology . He 'd been left behind because no one wanted him . And wasn 't that usually how it was with him ? First his parents , then Stane , then Pepper and the Avengers and finally Steve who didn 't care what happened to him - He felt so so tired . All of a sudden it actually didn 't matter . What difference did it make what he did in the end ? He 'd lost everything and cost his best friend his legs in the process . He 'd torn everyone apart . He should 've just agreed with Steve - " Tony no , it wasn 't your fault - I should have told you . I shouldn 't have kept it from you . Don 't blame yourself , just - just relax okay ? Sleep . Get some shut eye . " " Yeah . Okay . " He didn 't know why but he felt so tired . Maybe he just didn 't want to deal with it all anymore . He needed to sleep . What time was it ? Need ? It was such an awful word . It made him feel like a burden . An extra set of problems no one wanted . Actually Tony wasn 't quite sure why he had bothered calling in the first place now . If it hadn 't been for Natasha he probably wouldn 't have . " You - I - yeah . She was right . I 'm glad you did . Really glad . Actually I want you to do something for me . " Tony would be lying if he said this conversation made sense . Why had he even called ? Steve was probably busy anyway and just because he missed Steve and his friends , didn 't mean he had the right to intrude like this . He - There was a faint muttering from Steve 's end again . " Just do this for me . I want you to . Don 't you want to talk ? " He would have imaged Steve nodding in that moment before answering . " Good . That 's . . . Yeah just make sure . . . you know what , call me as soon as you can tomorrow okay ? Get some sleep and then we 'll talk . How 's that sound ? " Even though he didn 't have a reason to , Tony still smiled a little . He could almost pretend Steve wanted to talk to him and wasn 't doing this out of pity . Could almost pretend nothing was wrong . When he woke up the next morning , he was very confused . For one thing , he 'd called Steve yesterday and hardly been able to string a full sentence together which sucked . And the other thing , was that calling Steve again was on the agenda . Great . Tony quickly got ready and made his way there , trying desperately to ignore his conversation from yesterday . He 'd not planned to do that so why had he ? Yes he 'd been exhausted but still . . . " Hey Tones . You alright ? " His best friend watched him carefully as he sat down opposite him on the sofa . The same sofa the whole team had sat on when they 'd all first listened to Ross about the accords . That was back then . Before . " I thought it was strange that Nat turned up here . Why now , after a month would she suddenly appear ? " Rhodey said . Vision floated across , gently laying down several plates of toast , eggs and bacon before drifting back to the kitchen . There was also some orange juice . Of course . They didn 't want to die of scurvy did they ? " I don 't know . But she knows about the phone . " He tried not to think about the current added weight in his pocket . He was just keeping it till he put it back in the desk . Rhodey raised an eyebrow as he scooped up some eggs into a plate . " That 's actually not that surprising . Of course she 'd know . Did she tell you to use it ? " " Yes . She . . . Vision , what is that ? " Both men stared at the red curry splodge on the plate in Visions hand . Tony could swear he could see the red bleeding out of it from where he was sat . " Wanda . . . " Rhodey whispered as he took the plate and gently set it down . Tony 's eyes followed the dish and stared for a moment . Sometimes he forgot that even the tiniest things were a reminder . No , actually that was wrong , he never forgot . He only closed his eyes to it mostly , turned a blind eye . But he wasn 't the only one damaged from this entire war . Abruptly , he stood up , holding his hands behind him , to hide the shaking . " I 'm going to my room . I need to sort something out . " He barely waited for a reply and quickly turned towards the door , away from two more people he 'd hurt with his ignorance . " I 'll see you later . " He left ignoring the near - silent " Sir . " and headed to his room . A crushing disappointment came over him . The morning had ended just like every other one . He 'd turned his back on his friends . Why couldn 't he do better ? He sighed shakily and dropped onto the floor , huddled and back pressed against the wall . Desperately fighting back a sob , he buried his head in his arms and cried silently for a good half an hour . This horrible , overwhelming feeling of resentment , hatred and desperation . All three directed at himself , haunting him and no matter what he did , he always seemed to end up alone and crying at his mistakes . The world really was better off without him - A sharp ring , tore through his thoughts and he jolted at the sound . No , not just a ring - vibrations . The phone . Tony swallowed carefully and shoved his hand down his pocket to grab the phone . Why now ? He just couldn 't deal with it right now ! That actually made Tony laugh for a moment which then turned into hysterical giggling . He actually sounded concerned , what a joke ! " Well , that 's really sweet Steve . Thanks for checking in ! " He laughed down the phone , pulling his knees closer to his chest and ignoring the increasing sting in his eyes . Everything hurt but this was kind of funny , hell it was the funniest thing he 'd heard in weeks . No . Obviously not , he had his family with him right ? " No Steve , of course not . " For some reason the hint of sarcasm in his voice made him laugh harder . God he probably sounded crazy but who cared ? Who . Cared ? And there . There it was . The fear , the hate , the bitter loneliness finally lashing out at the cause of it all . Steve had left him . His teammate , his Friend , the man he would 've trusted with his life had walked away and taken his family and friends with him . And left him to pretty much die . He dropped the phone and went back to tucking himself away from the world . There wasn 't any point anymore . He was reaching his breaking point and now even Steve had nothing to say to him . Tony looked up from the tablet in his hand and closed his eyes , trying to fight off the headache . It had been another week since his breakdown in his room . In that time , he 'd made some mild improvements to the prosthetics for Rhodey , built up schematics for a new suit , made a new retractable bow and had developed a newer , more concealable widow bite to go around the wrists and ankles . He 'd locked up the phone and had tried to ignore it since then . Sighing , he pushed himself away from his desk and made his way down . As he stepped out of the lift towards the general , a brief idea came to him for some falcon wings . Maybe if he worked on the retractability of the corner joints , he could - General Ross stood in front of him , posture tall and demanding . Behind him were five guards all decked in black and holding different sized guns that seemed way too excessive for Tony . What did the guy think would happen , that he 'd need some guards to follow him around ? " You have blatantly ignored the UN 's summons , not to mention , you have done nothing to aid the search for the hostiles . And especially that criminal Rogers . " Ross was frowning at him now . But seriously , hostiles ? That was his team he was insulting , war or not . And Steve was not a criminal . Standing his ground , the engineer squared his shoulders and before he could stop himself , shot back . " Don 't call them that . The Avengers have never been anything less than heroes and Steve was never a criminal ever . " Tony was excellent at lying . He always had been because he knew how to clamp down any emotions . But for some reason a terrible feeling of fear welled up inside him and the urge to check that the phone , letter and shield was still in place was nearly overwhelming . He felt like he was gonna be sick and he could feel himself sweating . Tony swallowed carefully and raised his hands , giving his best unimpressed look . " Really ? You clearly don 't have a clue about Rogers at all do you ? He doesn 't want anything to do with me and I think he 's made it pretty clear . " There was a pause in the conversation where Tony just stared back at Ross as if almost daring him to disagree . He just hoped Ross couldn 't hear his heart pounding in his chest right now . Eventually the general stepped back but spoke . " Very well . If the captain has not made contact then there is not much to be said . But if we find that you have had any hand in assisting Rogers , do not doubt that we will come for you first Stark . " Ross strode out , his guards following behind in and trail and Tony wanted to lie down . That had been far more stressful than usual but Ross wasn 't joking . That was a warning and next time , it would be an arrest . Rhodey spoke as he carefully made his way through the physio exercise . Tony stood on alert at all times , ready to catch Rhodey if he fell . Because he was clearly better at catching Rhodey than anyone else . His friend paused and stared up at him . " Tony , you have to at least come up with a backup plan . They seem pretty serious about this . What if they arrest you ? " " Really ? Because from where I 'm standing it looks like you 're just too busy blaming yourself to actually defend yourself . How many times do I have to tell you , this isn 't your fault ! " Rhodey was trembling with exertion from the workout but he kept going . Sometimes Tony wished he had that level of determination . That he could just pick himself up and keep going . " Please . " He ducked his head and whispered alost hearing Rhodeys heart break at seeing his best friend beg . This wasn 't like him , he knew that . He was behaving like someone who had been abandoned and blamed themselves for being left behind . He was breaking apart and Rhodey could see it . " Don 't you see ! It 's my fault you can 't help me ! It 's all my fault ! " Rhodey watched in horror as tears started to well up and fall down Tony 's cheeks . He 'd known Tony had been crying , whenever he came out of his room and his eyes were red , it was obvious . Rhodey had to be able to tell . But Tony had always been careful to hide when it actually happened . Rhodey didn 't need to see this . The next few nights were hard for Tony , who slept in and out due to nightmares . Sometimes they were about Rhodey and the team . Other times , they were about his mother and the winter soldier . He didn 't dream about Steve anymore . " Shit . " He cursed and decided to save time and pull out the phone straight away . Untouched and cool in his hand , he held it there before Friday spoke . " Friday ? Hey ! ? " The lights went out and the entire place darkened within seconds . The only light was an orange evening glow coming from one of the windows in the other room . Cursing , he ran past the corridors to the stairs . Without power , the lifts wouldn 't work so he had to take the stairs down and make his way round to the armoury . But the route would probably mean an encounter with the burglar . Activating his watch , he pulled the wrist piece of armour around his hand and felt it click into place . At least he had some way of defending himself till he got to the armour and rebooted Friday . As he reached the ground floor and continued to run past several bedroom doors ( he knew who 's but didn 't have time to think ) , he heard a soft snick and paused . There were footsteps headed his way . He pressed himself up against the wall and slowly made him way into the dark room next to him , easing the door closed behind him . When he turned , he felt the urge to groan . Wanda 's room didn 't really have much for coverage but at least the wardrobe was there . But was he really gonna hide in his teammates clothes ? " He 's here somewhere . I heard him . " Without hesitation he slid into the open wardrobe and closed it , immersing himself into the darkness and fabric . There were at least five people out there based on footsteps and they were onto him . Maybe if he 'd locked the door that would 've been better ? But would these people start going through the Avengers bedrooms ? He could understand them taking out Friday to steal something but going into these rooms would be counterproductive unless they were looking for something specific . The door to the room opened and he covered his mouth with both hands , holding his breath . Three of the assailants walked in and he could hear guns clicking . Armed . Great . He pulled it out with as little sound as he could and flipped it open . Just as he was about to press call on the number , the wardrobe door was wrenched open and light flooded in , exposing him to the three men . They grabbed him by his wrists and squeezed hard , making him drop the phone but also fire his repulser at them , sending two flying back but not the third . He 'd ducked in time and kicked underneath Tony when he jumped out of the wardrobe , sending him to the floor . Tony rolled over , onto his back and fired at the man who was pointing some kind of gun at him . The guy fell back , giving Tony just enough time to scramble to his feet and spin towards the door . The three were down and he bolted past them and ran back out into the corridor . He turned left and kept running , blood roaring in his ears . He 'd dropped the phone when he needed to keep it with him . God he was such an idiot , what was he doing ! ? He could hear footsteps behind him and turned another corner . They had clearly studied the place beforehand since they didn 't slow down at all when he made sharp turns . It was like they expected it . Then he noticed more footsteps and realised he was heading towards more of these guys . Who were they ? Why were they after him ? Despite trying not to , he staggered and tried to press down on his neck and feel the damage , still running . Had he been shot ? But there was no blood and what he felt instead was some kind of needle . All of a sudden his body felt slow and sluggish and a strange lightheaded sensation hit him . He didn 't fully process his slowing down to a walk , until hands came around him and covered his mouth and grabbed his hands . Before he knew it , his hands were cuffed behind his back and something was slipped around his neck . The needle was pulled out and that something was clipped around his neck and he tried to pull away but something wasn 't right . The man behind him held him by his waist and Tony could actually feel his body give in .
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" This is a bawdy tale . Herein you will find gratuitous shagging , spanking , maiming , treason , and heretofore unexplored heights of vulgarity and profanity , as well as non - traditional grammar , split infinitives , and the odd wank . If that sort of thing bothers you , then gentle reader pass by , for we only endeavor to entertain , not to offend . That said , if that 's the sort of thing you think you might enjoy , then you have happened onto the perfect story ! " ~ Christopher Moore , Fool So yesterday , when the kids were doing their volunteerism , I had one kid tell me it was " lots of fun . " This kid , being a 14 year old boy , is sarcastic - by definition , aren 't all 14 year old boys ? I rolled my eyes at him and gave him a " yeah right " . But he stopped me and said , " No , Ms . O ' Sullivan . I 'm being serious here . " He went on to tell me that he lives with his mom and she ' works all the time ' and all he does after school is sit at home , alone , and watching tv or plays video games . He continued telling me it was cool I would take them to get their hours and he got to spend time with his friends and it helped old people and poor people , so it was fun . He said it was better than being home alone , day after day . I was completely taken aback . This is a kid who really seemed to hate me for most of the year and really has given his teachers fits because he 's just lazy . He 's really smart ( he 's not special ed or LD or ED ) but he just doesn 't do his work . As a matter of fact , to prove he 's no dummy , the 8th grade teachers told him at the beginning of the last quarter he better pass everything or he would fail 8th grade . He 's doing his homework and studying and guess what ? He has all As and Bs . He 's just lazy and also has no encouragement at home - the grades prove he has the ability . And this is the kid who was liking volunteering . He liked it so much he asked if he could still come once a week all summer to keep helping because it " feels good to help " people and " it 's better than sitting at home " and he thought it might look good on a resume or college application . Can we say a complete 180 ? I was very impressed . Just when I think I can 't be surprised anymore by my students . . . Smilin ' Maggie Mae My middle school wants our 8th graders to be " well rounded citizens " . Well , duh - it 's a nice idea in theory but the approach is a pain in butt . Here 's the deal : the kids get " points " for their grades , attendance , behavior , standardized test scores , and extra curricular activities . For a kid who makes good grades , plays a sport or joins a club , doesn 't miss much school and passes the standardized tests , this is no big deal . For about 95 % of the 8th grade population , this is no big deal . BUT ! ! ! ! ( yes , there is always a BUT ! ! ! ! ) Well , I guess before the " but " I should also say the 8th grade teachers claim that they have the nerve / the right / the guts / the whatever to tell kids who have passing grades , good attendance , who are NOT behavior problems and who pass their standardized tests that they will not allow these kids to PASS to the 9th grade because they don 't have any community service hours or because they aren 't participating in an extra curricular . You read that right - no passing because of that lack . I think that 's one of the stupidest things in the world . And I am pissed . Now remember what I do ? I work with mild special ed kids , and LD and ED kids . These kids , for the most part , HATE school with a passion , usually are discipline problems , fail their standardized tests , and never have any extra curriculars because they hate school and want to be as far away from the place as they can be , once that bell rings . ( Or their parents don 't have money to pay for them to join anything , they don 't have transportation home from something after school ! ) So MY kids are the ones who are in danger of passing because they have a low amount of points to begin with . So last week , the 8th grade teachers had individual conferences with these kids , and told them they needed 20 community service hours by May 14 or they would not be able to go to 9th grade . Outrageous ! Where are MY kids going to get community service hours ? Really ? Most people would take one look at them and say they weren 't interested in their help . Most don 't have pPosted by In the last few days , I had an incident at school with a classroom teacher so I can 't go into it here , but it wasn 't pretty . I did something that made the teacher mad . I apologized . He made a big deal of it but it backfired and he got his own ass in a sling because everyone found out he wasn 't doing HIS job , and I was . Which he 's taking out on my special ed . kids , AND me . The boarder incident was with the aforementioned teacherMy mouth is still sore from my dental work last week . Yesterday I was told Mac needs $ 6 , 000 . 00 of dental work done - it 's a damn long explanation and a rather gross one , but that 's the short version = $ 6 grandI 've gained weight . Daddy - O just told me to shut up ; I sort of deserved that . There are black ants the size of golden retrievers living in the dishwasher ; don 't be a smart ass and just try and drown them because the " clean " dishes end up with ant body parts on them and you have to run the dishwasher againApparently my subscription to Entertainment Weekly wasn 't renewed like I thoughtThe laundry room ceiling leaked all over the clean clothes that were hanging or folded in the laundry basket , requiring me to wash and dry and fold them all . over . again . And I haven 't had sex in approximately 408 days . And my check engine light came on . . . . the check engine light on the car , not on me . The car 's check engine light came on , which is never a cheap thing . Oh shit ! As with all good blogger awards , there come rules . 1 . Brag about the award . I got an award and it 's so cool ! I love awards . They 're like presents . And I love presents . An award ! ! ! ! ! For me me me ! ! ! ! ! 2 . Include the name of the blogger who gave you the award and link back to that blogger . Wiley gave it to me - thank you , thank you , thank you ! ! ! She so rocks . If she didn 't give it to me first , I 'd give it to her ! And I 'm super - duper excited because she moving to the States and then we can hang out . Hey , I know she could be 2000 miles from me , but that 's better than the current 3 million - jaillion miles and a bunch of oceans and mountains and stuff away that she is now ! 3 . Choose a selection of blogs that you find brilliant in honest content . Show their names and links and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with this award . So I present this award to the following : Jain at Food for Thought is brilliant in presentation , word , and deedShan at Shansland is funny , creative , an excellent mom , and beautiful inside and out4 . List at least ten honest things about yourself . . . Geez , 10 honest things about me ? Really ? Okay here goes : My real middle name is not Mae ; it 's Janelle . I worry about what other people think of me and I hate that I do . I wish I was more like French women who just don 't give a flying monkey 's butt what people think and do their own thing anyway . Guess that 's why they 're French and I 'm not . Being in love scares me to death and I avoid it because I just can 't fathom being hurt again . Our hearts don 't regrow or bounce like I pretend they do . I just can 't stand the thought of romantic disappointment again . I get pissed off at the weather , which is stupid because I can 't control it , but the rain made the roof leak and screwed up all my clean clothes , making me wash them AND dry them all over again . I want Mac to get a summer job but I can 't MAKE that happen , just like I can 't MAKE anything else happen . I 'm seeing a pattern that I have control issues so I 'm honest in that I have control issues . I 'm really hPosted by I went to the The Dollar Tree and I love their education corner ! And I found some really great bulletin board stuff . Since I 'm just a worthless aide now and don 't have my own room , I still like to look and I find reasons to buy ! I found some totally fabulous science words and I bought a package for the science teacher whose room I 'm in . She thought they were totally AWESOME , and jumped up and down and promptly did a new bulletin board using them . How cool , right ? So on Thursday night I was in there and found some super cool boarder that was all US History stuff . Well , the 8th grade social studies curriculum is all US History ! So I bought some boarder and gave it to the social studies teacher . He 's a coach - did I mention that ? And he never speaks to me when I 'm in his room , unless I ask him a direct question . He isn 't what you would call " Mr . Personality " . So I gave him the boarder and he looked it and said , " Is this a hint that I should decorate my bulletin boards ? " * Screeching halt * ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Shit . Well hell , that 's not what I meant at ALL ! Why would his first instinct be that I was being mean ? I stuttered around and said no but I just thought it was cool . Then when I was in his classroom , I noticed , for the first time in months of sitting in his room , he really didn 't decorate his bulletin boards real elaborately . But I seriously just thought it was cool since it had Lincoln , the St . Louis Arch , Mount Rushmore , the Grand Canyon , and the like on it . . . . . . . . I thought he would just think it was neat . Jerk . I should go in his classroom when he 's not there , steal it and keep it . See if I ever do anything nice again . . . . Maggie So you know how last night was the " un - surprise " birthday party for Mac ? And you know how XRay Girl and I were going to make a Mad Hatter cake ? And you know how I spent Friday night making seven different cakes so the layers could be made ? XRay - Girl and I worked on the cake for 5 hours and it just didn 't work out right . Here is the experience , in pictorial . Here is XRay Girl prepping our first cake with the buttercreme icing . Here is the first layer of the bottom section . Here is the bottom section before we shaped it . Here is the bottom layer after we built it , sculpted it , and " dirty iced " it . After this is where things sort of fell apart . . . If we could 've had a Mad Hatter Cake with one layer , this wouldn 't been perfect . Did I mention that we were going to only use buttercreme icing on the whole thing since XRay Girl nor I had ever used fondant ? That could 've been our first fatal flaw in our plan . In the background you can see that we are starting to layer the second part . And you can see the butter creme icing on the " done " layer starting to run - - because it was about 75 degrees with nearly 90 % humidity . Yes , it was really hot and the icing was MELTING ! ! ! ! This was supposed to be the second layer . The cake was too moist even though it was chilled . And the icing was melting so instead of helping hold it all together , it was causing the cake layers to slide apart . And about fell on the floor . So I caught it . So we decided to trim it a little bit more , so the whole second layer isn 't going to really be six inches around . More like 4 . But we kept trimming and got this : three big piles of scrap cake . And that plastic pitcher in the background held the margaritas we started drinking when it all fell apart . And I have no idea where the Comet came from ; I swear it didn 't get in the cake or icing . We then got out some more cakes and cut them up differently and made a second layer - sort of . But it was a small second layer . It was supposed to be six inches - - - not even close as you can see . The up side is that I made 2 of those litPosted by Here some of my favorite girlie pink things ! My piggy bank ; and yes , she IS wearing a tiara and a tutu . . . . . ! A pink Elvis purse ! My cell phone - and yes , it 's pink , too ! A pink feather boa and my sleep maskAnd thanks as always to our Pink Saturday hostess Beverly at How Sweet the Sound . Each week we 're supposed to also feature a fellow Pink Saturday blogger , and I encourage you all to visit Anna at Frosted Petunias . Her blog is beautiful and well written - I enjoy stopping to see her on other days than just Saturdays for sure ! All things pink , Maggie Tomorrow is Mac 's un - surprise party and tonight I must get started on the preliminary preparations . What that entails is me baking cakes for the Mad Hatter Topsy - Turvy cake . Well , more specifically that means me making 7 cakes . Yes , you read that right , SEVEN cakes ! I 'm going to make all the cakes tonight and put them in the freezer and refrigerator to chill . Tomorrow , around noon , XRay - Girl is coming over to help with the assembly . She makes cakes for people 's parties and the like , and she a master cake decorator so she 's going to be a pivotal part of the assembly and icing process . We met earlier this week and " reviewed " our game plan - we printed the directions , read through them and discussed what they meant , found a bunch of pictures of the cake style , and we even watched a " how to " video of how to do this . We are ready . It was a good thing we did the prep meeting because , otherwise , we would 've made all the cakes on Saturday before the decorating and the directions recommend freezing and / or chilling ahead of time so the ' sculpting ' will be easier . Yeah - sculpting . I , who got an F in playdoh , am making a cake that involves what is called ' sculpting ' . . . this is gonna be . . . . interesting , shall we say ? I 'm making all round cakes in the following sizes : one 10 inch , two 9 inches , two 8 inches , one 6 inch , and one 3 inch . That 's a lot of cake . So tonight my job is to prepare cakes . We have lemon , vanilla and yellow . No chocolate because Mac doesn 't like chocolate cake and because , according to X Ray Girl , you get one chocolate crumb in the white buttercreme icing and we 'd be fucked ( those were her words , not mine ! ) . I am promising pictures . . . . . . . . . I 'll post pictures whether it 's a disaster or a success . And if it looks to be a disaster , we 're breaking out the wine - couldn 't hurt and might help ! Cake makin ' maven , Maggie Mae This is such a pretty time of year around my area of the world . All the spring flowers are in bloom , flowering trees are in full bud , the tulips and daffodils are out . The grass is starting to green up and the leaves are beginning to appear on the huge maple and oak trees . People are out working in their yards , setting out potted plants and flowers . Bushes are starting to fill in . The weather is just stunning . It 's been warm enough to be outside to have BBQs , to relax on a porch swing , to do yard work , or to just take a walk . it 's not too hot nor too cold . the sky is the purest of blue and the clouds seem to be at peak fluffiness , not weighed down by humidity . Spring is fully and completely here . I love this time of year . . . . except for one stupid thing . The town I live in has a " town clean up " week . They announce it a few weeks ahead of time so people can get ready . What this means is that on a pre - arranged week , folks can put junk in the yard that the city garbage men will haul away for free . The city does this twice a year ( well at least twice , maybe 3 or 4 times ) . One time they do it is next week . So while one is driving around town enjoying all that spring has to offer , we can also indulge in seeing piles of junk at the curb . I think it 's a shame that the city does it now . It 's just a gorgeous time a year , we could even have a spring festival of flowers , but instead of just driving past the historic homes to see the yards and the garden starts , we can also enjoy broken furniture , lumber , and other delightful junk . I hate that . And it looks so hillbilly - redneck . It 's also all over town ! Broken baby beds , stained mattresses , a toilet , ruined carpets , ugly couches . . . and this stuff gets piled up weeks in advance so it sits out all the time . Just another " delightful " sign of spring . . . . . . . . . . . . . Mags I received this award today from a sweet blogger who 's a newer reader here at " shoes / purses " and I am SO flattered and honoured that she should want to bless me such an award already ! So thank you so much to Anna at Frosted Petunias for the Happy 101 Blogger Award ! I 'm supposed to list ten things that make me happy : 10 . New shoes 9 . Great fitting jeans 8 . Knowing the final Jeopardy questions 7 . Pizza for dinner 6 . Watching a good movie 5 . Chocolate 4 . John Cusak , Jeffery Dean Morgan , & Johnny Depp 3 . Bubble baths , new Bath and Body Works lotions ( Butterfly Flowers , White Citrus , and Wild Honeysuckle ) , champagne , roses , pedicures , moonlight , violin music , 2 . Long , slow , deep , wet kisses that last for three daysand . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 . The Right SamThank you again Anna @ Frosted petunias - you are so sweet , and you , too , make me happy ! And the award goes to , Maggie Sunday Stealing brought us this meme and since we must have honour among thieves I want to say thanks to them for my blog topic today ! And yes , I brought out a meme because it 's so late in the day and I did all sorts of stuff after school so I didn 't have time to write something ' real . ' So , for today - - - 01 . Real First Name : Maggie02 . Birthday : Sept . 2603 . Where do you live : in Daddy - O 's attic , somewhere in the Midwest , place known as Civilization04 : What are you studying / What are you working as : Special Education Aide in a middle school setting05 . What makes you happy : money , shoes , purses , lotions , Mac and Daddy - O , friends , Curley , quilting , sewing , reading , writing , blogging , music , film06 . What are you listening to now / have listened to last : The Pretenders Greatest Hits07 . What is particularly good / bad about your blog : good about my blog are my readers . bad - my template ; I need to hire someone to make one that would make me happy08 . An interesting fact about you : I want to live in Ireland or somewhere in the UK09 . Are you in love / have a crush at the moment : yes10 . Favorite place to be : bookstores11 . Favorite lyric : " will you hose me down with holy water , when I get too hot ? " - Meatloaf12 . Best time of the year : when it 's not too hot , not too cold13 . Weirdest food you like : fried peanutbutter and banana sandwichesRECOMMEND THE FOLLOWING : 01 . A film : Serendipity02 . A book : Fool by Christopher Moore03 . A song : " Hey Soul Sister " by Train04 : A band : Bon JoviPLUS : 01 . One thing you like about a blogger that you have not met : Bragger 's creativity and sense of humour02 . Two things you like about yourself : sense of humour & my taste in shoes03 . Name three things that you need in a lover : honest trustworthiness , intelligence , sense of humour Mac seemed to have a great time at the Prom . He looked so grown up and dashing in his tux . I mean , he looked really REALLY grown up . I can see why the girls think he 's a cutie . Okay , so I 'm his mother and I 'm biased but really , he was looking really cute . And grown up . And since I have this ADD brain * the path I took was . . . He 's growing up and next year he 's going to university and then law school . He 's not going to hang out this me or stay at home with his ' old ' mom all the time . Because he 'll be at school doing grown up things that boys do in school ; hopefully that will also involve lots of studying . . . . And he 'll meet some woman and get married and have his own family . Or he 'll be as screwed up as I am about love and relationships and he 'll just shag everything in a skirt and marry his job and have lots of money and jet around the world spending it frivolously . Either way , he won 't be hanging out with his mother , who will be old and alone . Well , not so old ; I won 't be 40 before he goes to college . My point is , he won 't be at home with me . Frankly , then , that means a huge part of my life is coming to a close and what the hell am I going to do now ? Daddy - O , I 'm not killing you off , no matter what the employees at Hobby Lobby think ( we were looking at vases and saying how nicely they could be turned into urns for him when he died , and we got some strange looks . . . anyway ) and as we were talking the other day , we are both closer to death than , well , not death . I mean , you 're almost 65 so you 're not going to be here forever . And I 'm staring at 40 - - someday - - shit , someday soon ! And I 'm going to be alone . I 've said for a good many long years now I was a person who was meant to be alone . I never figured I would have a relationship that would amount to much , or that I 've played all the loved cards I was dealt , or that I 'm not the marrying kind . Hell , even if I could find a man , I think I 'm too old for him to want to marry me , even if said hypothetical relationship should ever happen . . . ( We all know I 'm a bum magnet . Nothing goodPosted by I 'm not being very original in my choices of pink for today , but since spring has felt like a long time in coming for me , I thought some of our local Midwest pink color is worth sharing . Visit Beverly , the Pink Saturday ' hostess with the mostess ' at How Sweet The Sound . Another great Pink Saturday blogger is Creative Carmelina . ( Actually she 's a great blogger on all days and with all colours ! ) She is a beautiful artist and can do . . . everything ! Her blog is beautiful , as are her work and her words . Check her out ; also peek at her esty shop ! An up close shot of the weeping cherry tree blooms in the back yard . a magnolia tree in full bloom ! a pretty pink bush that we can 't seem to identify ! And finally , please watch this video : " Glitter in the Air " by singer PINK . I was going to put this video on this post but I can 't make it small enough to fit ! It 's her performance during the Grammys , which is amazing . AND this song is just beautiful , just absolutely beautiful . Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow . . . . my mouth hurts . So yesterday two girls at school got into a fist fight and both are now one step away from being expelled . They had to " do time " in a juvenile day jail program for a week . If they fight again , they are expelled . Oh , these two girls were fighting over . . . . their love of a third girl who was going to " have her " - typical love triangle , right ? They 're 8th graders . . . I 'm going to try teaching a novel with the last 6 weeks of school . Yes , I am quite possibly , out of my mind . No I 've not selected said novel yet - - - To Kill A Mockingbird maybe ? I overpaid the dentist . By A LOT ! And I wanted my money back . But I have to wait until the office manager cuts me a check next week . Now , I HAD to pay for my services before he even touched my mouth , but now I have to wait more than a week for a $ 200 refund ? Where 's the fair in that ? TaDa , Bragger or Curley , could one of you strong , kick ass ladies call there and be all strong and kick ass for me please ? Yesterday one boy got expelled and was sent to boy 's school because he went home with stolen property from school . The vice principal went with the cops to his house , knocked on the door and the stupid student answered . . . holding a doobie . Yup , boys school . Idiot . I don 't know what happened to the other kid who jumped out the back window into the waiting arms of another cop . . . I didn 't think to ask ! Mac is going to the prom on Saturday night and I gave him a chore list that involves getting a haircut , washing and waxing the car , changing my CDs to his , picking up the corsage and his tux , and " finding the funky smell " in the car . Uh - huh . Things you never want to say . . . Is wrong to borrow a movie from one of my students who illegally downloaded it from the ' net ? For me to just watch in the privacy of my home ? Am I breaking the law ? There 's a guy I like . He lives away . I miss ( and like ) him . I think I miss ( and like ) him more than he misses ( likes ) me . Does that matter ? I 'm helping Daddy - O learn all about Medicare . When the heck did the governmentPosted by I 'm alive . My mouth feels all gross and funny shaped but I guess that 's normal ? And what do I have to write about other than my mouth since I 've been home for two days , sleeping and gently swishing with salt water ? I can tell you about Mac 's upcoming " Un - Surprise " party . Yeah . . . When you have a teen age son who turns 17 , having a birthday party for him is a tricky thing . First , is the question to have on or not ? And if yes . . . . then planning can be a nightmare . Timing is the first hurdle . First , Mac 's birthday was Monday , the 12th - the Monday after spring break when everyone was back at school . So I couldn 't do anything party - wise the week before because 99 % of his friends were gone on holiday . And having a party on a school night is . . . " lame " , apparently . This coming Friday is out because it 's the night before Prom and that 's conflicts with other stuff , but I didn 't ask what . So now , Mac 's " Un - surprise " party is going to be on Sat . April 24 . And why do I call it the UN - Surprise party ? Well , because planning a party for a 17 year old boy is tricky so I gave up and asked him if he wanted a party . Yes . Okay - - so what did he want to do ? And no I won 't buy a keg . . . so he decided he wanted to have a few kids over to watch movies and eat pizza . Since we live with Daddy - O and he just got new furniture and a few kids turned into about 25 kids , Curley is helping and getting the " event room " at her place of employment for said party . ( Thanks again Curley ! ) After much deliberation with Mac , he 's having about 25 invited for pizza and cake and movies . But he WANTS it to be a surprise . O - kay . . . So now I 'm calling his female friend ( not a GF but a BF ) and she 's going to pass out the invitations and pick the kids who are Mac 's real friends . I 'm pretending it 's a surprise and so is Mac but he wants to know who 's coming , he wants to pick the movies , he wants to make sure I get the right pizza - - - OMG , he 's totally his mother 's control freak child . So the female BF is going to pass out the invites and then the kids are going to text or cPosted by then I just didn 't feel like blogging yet . I did some pre - blog planning . I had my dental surgery yesterday so Monday night I wrote this blog post and scheduled it to post . I figured if I felt like blogging , I would . If something happened to me , Curley has strict instructions to blog that . . . well , that something happened to me . But if I was fine but didn 't want to write , then this would publish . And since this did publish , then you can assume I am fine , but am in pain , tired , sore , out of sorts and just plain don 't feel like sitting down and writing when I feel like this . Back to regularly scheduled plans tomorrow - then I can give the bare bones details of my surgery . Very bare bones . Oh hell , all I 'll probably do is kvetch and whine ! And if you have a need to read something I wrote , then visit my current book state of mind here . The un - blog post poster , Mags Today is the day of the big dental surgery . The wisdom teeth are coming out and some other stuff . So . . . I can 't think straight or concentrate . . . . . . . that means a meme . Thank you to Evil Pixie for this one ! ( Though she admitted she stole it from Stealing Sunday , so . . . . . . . ) Never in my life have I been : So unsettled about my future . The one person who can drive me nuts is : Mac . I love him more than life itself , but on the flip side , he drives me NUTS . High school was : Horrid . When I 'm nervous I : get quiet . The last song I listened to was : " Turn Me On " by Norah JonesIf I were to get married right now my best man / maid of honor : Would depend where I was when I got married and the cost of travel and such ! My hair is : auburn with grayWhen I was 5 : Life was so simple , I don 't remember what it was like when I was 5 . Last Christmas : Was nice . I should be . . : employed with health insurance and a pension and the ability to travel . . . When I look down I see : gold - Daddy - O 's couch ! The happiest recent event was : relaxing on spring break . If I were a character on ' Friends ' I would be : Probably a blend of Phoebe and RachelBy this time next year : anything could happen . . . let 's throw caution to the wind and say I 'm traveling abroad ! My current gripe is : Not enough money ! I have a hard time understanding : menThere 's this girl I know that : confuses me . She knows what it 's like to successful and she knows what it 's like to be a failure . Why does she want to revert back to failure ? And why can 't I help her see the value of her successes and hard work ? If I won an award , the first person I would tell would be : anyone who heard me shouting it from the rooftops . . . then my fam & then bloggervilleTake my advice : life is full of surprises and be ready for ' em ! The thing I want to buy : costs money I don 't have . If you visited the place I was born : You 'll see some lovely historic homes . I plan to visit : A lot of places ! Back to the UK first , then on to the rest of western Europe with special attention paid to Italy ( can we say Venice anyone ? What a woPosted by Mac is 17 years old today . Wow . Sometimes I look at him and still see my little boy ; other times , I wonder where this guy came from and wonder what happened to my little boy . He drives . He dates . He 's looking at college / universities . He 's one year from high school graduation . But he 's still my baby , right ? I do his laundry , he pouts if he doesn 't like what I fix for supper , and he wants his mommy when he 's sick . Manchild . He 's amazing and I marvel at him daily . Happy birthday to my son . I love you , baby boy ! Okay , let 's have cake and ice cream . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ! love , Mom The leaves are raked and carried to the road , awaiting the street department 's leaf sucker machine . ( and if anyone wants night crawlers , the backyard is full of them now that all the leaves have been hauled away ! ) The grass is cut . The kitchen floor is mopped . Dinner is cooking in the crock pot . The cars are washed . Clean sheets have been put on all three beds in the house . The dishwasher had been run and emptied , ready to be filled again . The toilet bowl has even been swished with blue water stuff . Trash has been gathered and taken to the garbage pails . All shoes and assorted belongings have been toted upstairs and [ sort of ] put away . Cars have been cleaned inside as well ! Laundry still needs to be done . I 'm not going in there . You can 't make me . Shakin ' in my shoes , Mags I 'm in the laundry room , taking the stuff out of the dryer , still in my pajamas and barefooted , mind you , just minding my own business . My foot tickles , specifically the tip of my big toe . I look down ready to just scratch the itch when I see a HUGE spider with one leg touching my toe ! I screamed so loud Mac was there in about 3 seconds . The neighbors even turned off their mowers outside . I couldn 't stop screaming and somehow when I finally calmed down I was standing on the couch in the living room , 3 rooms away . ( sorry about that Daddy - O ) . I 'm not sure I remember getting there . This spider was huge . I know I have a tendency to exaggerate , but swear on the grave of my mother , this was the biggest spider I 've ever seen , even bigger than scorpion spider that was in my apartment in the Wild West . This spider 's body was at least 2 inches in diameter ( we 've recently studied diameter in 8th grade math , so I know I 'm using this math terminology correctly ) and I COULD . SEE . EYES . ALL . OVER . ITS . BODY ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! I think I had a mini heart attack or a stroke or something . You could visibly see my heart pounding through my shirt . So Mac gets on shoes and goes after the spider . he moves every stick of furniture in the laundry room , except for the stackable washer / dryer unit . And the only reason he didn 't move it was because I didn 't know how much wiggle room we had before we unplugged it from a hose or pipe or something . And the worst of it is - - - - he couldn 't find it ! ! ! ! ! ! OMG , it 's still in the house somewhere ! ! ! ! ! I have a bunch of laundry to do and I can barely make myself go in the laundry room to do it . I got completely dressed and put on boots and a hat ( what if it dropped down from the ceiling onto me ? ! ? ) when I went back to change the load and was crying , afraid it would come get me . I 'm still shaking and I swear I 'm going to barf . What 's the life span of a mutant spider ? I 'll wear dirty clothes before I go back in there . Mac put on his iPod head phones and is staunchly ignoring me . No cool . Not cool at all . Where can I go Posted by It 's the last day of spring break . I wonder if I can even technically call it the last day of spring break because even if we would 've had school all week long I would still have the weekend . OMG - maybe the last day of spring break was 3pm on Friday , which is when school would 've ended ! Okay , so not matter the semantics of today , today is the last day of spring break . I don 't want to go back to school tomorrow . I don 't know if I don 't want to go back because I have to go to the dentist on Tuesday and I am NOT looking forward to that , or if I just don 't want to go back because . . . well , it 's middle school with 7 more weeks of classes to go and the kids are past caring ? I 'm also such a procrastinator . I 've worked on laundry in dribs and drabs all week long but still have a bunch left and of course , I left it until today . I have one stinkin ' chore to do before Daddy - O gets home tomorrow - it involves moving a pile of leaves - and of course , I waited until today . In my defense , I had thought I would do it Wednesday , sort of the middle of break , but it rained and then I had to wait for the yard to dry . . . . okay , yeah , it sounds lame to me , too . I had a good week - - saw all the girlfriends who live around here and had some quality girl time . Read at least 2 books ; I realize that number is usually higher but . . . I saw 7 movies at the time of this post ( could add a few more to this list today while I 'm doing the laundry thing ) , spent quality time with Mac , had quality alone time , cooked a bit , ate out some , cleaned the kitchen and did one knitting project . I also spent a LOT of time being lazy , playing on the Internet , talking on the phone , and at the library . All in all . . . not a bad way to spend a spring break ! So , did I mention it was only 7 more weeks until summer vacation ? Maggie Mae I got tagged by Wiley to play a get to know you game . I haven 't been tagged in a long while so I 'm looking forward to this . And thanks to Wiley for giving me something to write about today ! The rule : list 7 things about yourself , preferably 7 cool or unusual things . Who am I tagging ? All of you , any of you , whomever wants to play ! 1 ) My Brother and sister - in - law are going to have a baby boy in June ! ! ! I 'll be an Auntie again to a niece AND a nephew ! Can 't wait ! 2 ) I like schmaltzy , bad 80s , hair band rock ballads . It 's like a bad addiction . Most people walk away when they hear my iPod . Mac refuses to listen to my music in the car . " You Give Love a Bad Name " , " Carrie " , " More than a Feeling " , " I 'll be there for You " , " Every rose has it 's thorn " and " Can 't Fight this Feeling . " Yup , I 'm a sucker . 3 ) I cannot eat Spaghetti - O 's any more because about 5 years ago when I opened the can there was a perfectly formed and pressed spider in the can , lying right on top of the noodles , about as big as a quarter . A brown spider with a tinted orange body from the O 's . Since then I have never been able to eat them , or even look or smell Spaghetti - O 's without that image and it makes me gag . Seriously , five years later I gag . Mac can 't eat them either . 4 ) I love to learn stuff so I get stuck on a topic and I buy a bunch a books about it , read a bunch about it , and then write an abstract complete with a bibliography of the material , put it in a file folder and save it for a time when I might need to write a paper . I have abstracts on WWII love letters / correspondence , Princess Di , Jackie Kennedy O , the absurdity behind the works of southern writer Flannery O ' Connor , girl groups of the 1950 , Anastasia Romanov , the madness of Poe and his narrators , Amish , and the concept of madness in female characters in turn of the century American Women 's authors . Yup , I 'm sick . 5 ) I took piano lessons for 3 years , on and off as a kid , so I learned enough to read music and I can plunk out notes . I really would like to learn to play well , and to also learn Posted by XRayGirl is a miracle worker on so many levels ! First my hair . . . I am now no longer officially afraid to leave the house for fear of scaring the elderly and children . She took me to her stylist who cleaned the mess up . She said NO WAY to getting a perm because then I would have nasty , ugly , tight , poodle like curls . She trimmed and snipped and well . . . frankly , I have no idea what she did but she had to trim a little bit and I suddenly was all fixed - AND I look like I have more hair . I have no idea about that trick of the eye but XRayGirl and I couldn 't figure it out but we both agreed that I just seemed to have more hair . She also snipped enough that I have a head full of natural curls and the stylist gave me some tips to use them . She also said , and I quote , " Now that you have a good base cut , don 't get it cut anywhere else but me . I know you want to grow it out . Pigtails by the end of the summer . " O - KAY ! And while I 'm a little old for pigtails , the fact it will be long enough to do that by the end of the summer makes me want to dance ! To top it all off , she fixed the straight cut bangs . Instead of taking any more length off , she textured them , and now they look wispy rather than heavy and blunt . The unibrow bangs are gone ! The stylist also said hair grows quicker in the summer than winter and if I want to help it along , I could take pre - natal vitamins or some vitamin called " hair , nails , something " taken three times a day . Sounds like a plan . My hair is much better ! No more mullet ! No more Betty Page bangs ! No more " lesbian chic " ! No more winning the Joan Jett Look Alike contest ! And I have a head full of curls . Interesting look . Not one I 'm used too , not bad , but much better than where I started out my Thursday ! And as for me learning to drive a stick shift . . . Well , first and foremost , XRayGirl is an excellent teacher and she 's one of the most patient people I 've ever met . She gave good instructions and different suggestions . But I think I might have to admit that driving a manual transmission and doing math are notPosted by Yesterday was one of the best days of my spring break . . . . . . . . . I did nothing . I didn 't even take a shower or take off my jammies . I laid on the couch most of the day and watched movies , read a book , and napped . Now it was raining , dark and thundering and lightening , so I watched the storm . Oh I could think of only two things better : 1 ) having a lie - in with a wonderful man doing the same things but adding sex to the list , or 2 ) spending the day shoe shopping . Since there 's no man there was no sex . Since there 's no money , there was no shoe shopping . So I did my third favorite thing to do on a warm stormy day - nothing . My stack of rented movies was high so I just watched those ( Secret Window , Ned Kelly , The Jane Austen Book Club , The Soloist , Mystery Alaska ) all day long . Mac was in the house , in his room , playing video games , Facebooking , and texting . He 'd pop down to see what I was doing , say hey , talk for a minute , grab food , and disappear back upstairs . He and I made homemade pizza . We 'd never done that together before and we had all the stuff to do it . And we actually did it together . He was like a little kid with Legos , building his pizza . We ended up with three layers of pepperoni and three layers of cheese on this sucker . So now I know when he goes to college he 'll be able to make home made pizza , hot dogs , and scrambled eggs . Oh , I talked on the phone to Curley , to XRayGirl and . . . a fella I know . I also had a screaming match with the Sperm Donor - well , he was screaming and I was calm and relaxed , which freaks him out even more - the arsehat fucktard . I also played on the Internet . I did a touch of laundry . Talk about the best day . . . ! ( Even with laundry and the asshat ! ) Oh , and one more thing ! I ate chocolate , lots of chocolate ! Goddess bless the after Easter candy sales ! I seriously love doing nothing . I like working , sometimes , for the most part , and yes , I do like doing crafts and hobbies , but sometimes doing nothing is perfect . a seriously huge case of doing nothing . Now I am leaving the house today . First , XRayPosted by How fucking hard is it to give a haircut if that 's what you were trained to do and have been doing for the last 10 years ? I am so fucking pissed off at the world over this . I had a shaggy bob . You know when you have short hair and you 're trying to grow it out ? Well I 've been trying to grow it out and every single time I go for a TRIM I end up with is all hacked off to bits . It 's not because I get to the stylist and change my mind , but because , for some reason , they can 't follow directions . I wanted 1 / 2 inch off and I gave specific directions , of which I will spare you the details , of what my bangs were to supposed to look like . I didn 't get anything even remotely close to what I asked for . I 've gone to several stylists and I keep getting shorn . I 've been trying to grow my hair out for a year now and I shit you not , it 's back to being as short as it was a year ago on the sides and top BUT she kept the length in the back so I have a god damned mullet . I 'm so mad . I look like shit . It 's terrible and I hate it . It know it 's hair and it will grow back but I 've been saying that for a year now . And I 'm tired of saying it . I actually looked in the mirror tonight and just sobbed . It 's awful . It 's short and mullet - y and butch - y and ugly . I hate hate HATE it . I 've made some phone calls and showed some other stylists and I 've been given 2 schools of thought on what to do with it . The most popular one is to get a very light body perm on the rollers that are the biggest ones . Apparently this will make me LOOK like I have some body rather than the stick straight - ness and will make it look longer , or bigger or fuller or something . Or just have the back cut short again , to rid the mullet look , and start ALL over again . I fear the perm will equal poodle . And to cut it all off means starting ALL over again . Can giving a good haircut and listening to the customer be so hard ? ! ? And the girl who cut it works at the same salon as the woman who did it last time . And here 's the funny thing . I went in and said to the NEW STYLIST that the woman Posted by How many of you are familiar with the pinnacle of Kevin Bacon 's movie career , Footloose ? For those of you who lack the knowledge , this slightly corny movie is about a kid who moves into a small town ruled by an iron fisted preacher who won 't let people . . . DANCE ! So Kevin Bacon 's character named Wren falls in love with the preacher 's daughter and they decide to use their friends and Bible quotes and some nice guy who owns a grain mill to host a school . . . DANCE ! And when Kevin Bacon 's character Wren gets really mad , and fed up with the town because everyone is picking on his monstrously cool self , he drives away , and in a moment of cheesiest movie history , he slams a cassette into the car cassette tape deck and . . . DANCES his anger out ! Now , Mac thinks this is the funniest thing . he . has . ever . seen . in . his . life . He also down loaded the song to his iTunes , which happens to be " Never " by a group called Moving Pictures , an obvious one hit wonder , if you could even call them that . And for some reason , he isn 't the only teen around here who thinks it 's funny - ALL of Mac 's buddies think it 's hysterical that this kid gets so mad he runs off to . . . DANCE ! So , yesterday morning , Mac and I are being slugs in the living room and he 's dinkin ' around on his computer . And he starts playing " Never " . This roused me from my slug - fest to see what the hell he 's thinking since he usually plays Pink Floyd and Metallica . He tells me how funny everyone thinks the song is . The conversation proceeds : Mac : yeah , mom , every time I get mad at you , I take off and go DANCE my mad out . Me : oh really ? You go to the city park to do that ? Mac : oh totally yeah . In the big pavilion . All the kids do it . Me : that 'd be something to see . Mac : Sometimes there are so many of us ready to mad DANCE , I have to wait in line . And I have a collection of half drank glass Coke bottles to smash in the middle of my big mad DANCE number ! Me : got a selection of wife beater shirts I don 't know about ? Mac : I totally do , mom . I change into my acid wash jeans right before I go . . . Posted by Yesterday , Easter Sunday mind you , I left the house to return some videos . Mac decided to come along so it was a last minute " hurry up and wait " on him to get himself " beautiful " as well as his iPod , his phone , his head phones , his wallet , and his car keys ( I ask you - why does he need all this shit to go 4 blocks ? And he wasn 't driving . There 's no money in his wallet ! ) . Half way to the video store I holler , " Jesus H . Christ . We 're going to the video store to return the videos and guess what I forgot ! ? ! " And I pound the steering wheel a few times for good measure , before getting ready to turn around and go back . Mac says , " I keep telling you , mother , you can just call me Mac . And what do you expect me and my Holy self to do about it ? " I chuckle and say , " Use some of that Godliness to conjure up the DVDs so I don 't have to turn around to go back to get ' em . " Without missing a beat , he says , " I can 't . It 's Easter Sunday and I 've been busy ; besides , you 're an atheist . Can 't do shit for ya . " Mac 's mom , Maggie It 's already day two of Spring Break Week and my mind is already a blob . Does this happen to other teachers , too ? I don 't feel like showering or talking to people . I have a good mind to just lay on the sofa and watch tv and surf the ' net . Anything that doesn 't have to do with teenagers , including my own . I thought one day this week I would give him cash and the keys to the car and tell him to go away for the day . Yes , I realize that probably makes me a bad mother and sounds a little hard core , but I am trying to get my lazy alone - ness on ! I 'll probably be tired of being a slug before today is over , though . Curley and I have lunch plans for tomorrow , and who knows what else we 'll get into ? And Mac has to go get his teeth cleaned ( he 's a sick boy - he 's EXCITED about it ! ) I have to firm up a time to hang with Lilith , whom I haven 't seen since Christmas ! XRay Girl and I are going to do our thing - whatever that may be . . . a pedi ? Food ? Movie ? Yes , yes and yes ! I also have some chores to do this week . I want to try and sort of " organize " the garage . I 'm afraid if I use the word ' clean ' , I won 't do it . By that same token , I also want to " organize " the attic where I live . Mac and I have to rake up some left over fall leaves from the backyard , too . In the category of hobbies , I want to finish some knitting projects , my dress , and two quilts . OMG - when I read this list , I have no idea if I have time to be a slug today . I 'll need a vacation from my vacation ! I 'll need a week of doing nothing after doing all this ! Slugg - ary doesn 't sound so bad after all . Mags Curley was downright mean to me last night . She said , " You 're almost 40 . " I couldn 't believe she had the nerve to point that out . I told her i was taking my toys and going home . I told her she might as well tell me I have ugly shoes and my butt looks big in these pants ! Almost 40 years old ! That cheeky girl . I 'm only 38 ! Okay , no I 'm not really mad at her , I swear . And I guess , I know , that 38 is closer to 40 than what I would like to admit . Ewww ! I 've been thinking a lot about age lately , maybe because Mac is going to be 17 in nine days or because there 's a man I have an interest in ( more about him later ! ) who 's a bit older than I am . Or because I 'm almost 40 and this isn 't where I wanted to be in my life . It could be any of these things , I suppose , that makes me think of age of late . Age is interesting , with the limits it sets . For example , Mac wanted to go to Vegas for this 18th birthday because he thought he was going to be old enough to gamble . The legal gambling age in Vegas is 21 . He can buy a lottery ticket in the state where were live at age 18 but no gambling in Vegas . He kept banging on about how he would be old enough at age 18 to vote and to be drafted but he couldn 't drink or gamble , none of the fun stuff . I reminded him he had a whole year to wait before doing any of those milestone things . I also think adding to the age thinking thoughts is because Mac is looking at colleges . My baby is looking at universities ! How did that happen ! ? ! I have to keep reminding myself that age is a state of mind - how old do you want me to be ? How old do I feel ? Sometimes I feel like I 'm 17 , other times 25 and other times . . . 101 . One of my favorite movies of all time , When Harry Met Sally , has Sally in tears talking about getting married and kids and time running out . She says to Harry , " And I 'm going to be 40 . " He says , " When ? " Sally : " Someday ! " He then goes on to point out she 'll be 40 in eight years . I used to think that scene was hilarious ! I also used to remember when I was 32 and could say that ! For some reason , now iPosted by Time for a meme . It 's the last day of school , the week before spring break . I 'm shattered . I don 't think I can handle writing much more than this . . . . . . . . . . . . . . And thanks to Sunday Stealing for this meme ( who ripped it from Please Don 't Stop the Music ) ! 1 . How far away is the last person you kissed ? Wisconsin2 . Has someone ever told you they would be with you forever ? yes - liar3 . Last person you were in a car with ? Mac4 . Any plans for tomorrow ? as of now , nope5 . How long does it take for you to take a shower ? about 20 minutes because i just stand there and relax6 . Best friend or close friends ? yes and yes7 . Is tomorrow going to be a good day ? yes - no school , it 's a Saturday , it 's a weekend , no school for a week ! 8 . Did you kiss anyone Friday ( that would be today ) ? not so far , but anything can happen ! 9 . Ever thrown up in public ? yup - right on a bar10 . What 's on your mind RIGHT NOW ? question 911 . Who was the last person you talked to ? XRay Girl12 . What is the WORST subject they teach at school ? Math13 . Have you seen anyone lately that you don 't get along with ? yes - I teach , remember ? I see people daily I don 't get along with , but I fake it . 14 . What is your favourite colour shirt to wear ? pink or black15 . Have you ever been in a car accident ? yes16 . What 's the closest thing to you that 's green ? the shirt I 'm wearing17 . Where would you like to be right now ? UK ( N . Ireland ) 18 . Write down some lyrics to the song you 're listening to ? " there 's no need to complicate , our time is short , this is our fate I 'm yours " 19 . How many dogs do you have ? none20 . Is anything bugging you right now ? not really21 . Is life going right for you now ? not really22 . Is there someone you care about more than yourself ? yes23 . What made you laugh today ? Mac being fitted for his prom tux24 . What was the last movie you watched ? The Magnificent Seven - Yul Brynner is freaking HOT ! 25 . What 's the last conversation you had about ? getting ice cream26 . What were you doing at 7 : 00 this morning ? blow drying my hair27 . Do you like your hair long or short ? long28 . Do you want to see someboPosted by Does anyone know what charges I would face for kidnapping Kool ? Her mother is a horrid horrid drunken , druggie abusive bitch and I really don 't like her . I want to take Kool and run . I want to give her her own room , clean clothes , clean clothes that fit her , fix her supper at night and sit at the kitchen table to eat it , to give her easy kid chores , help her with her homework , take her to the mall or out to eat or to the movies , and let her hang around and play video games or rent a video or play music or play board games . I want her to see what " normal " is . I don 't want her to feel like she needs to hang out in the park until dark because her mom 's boyfriend is abusive . I don 't want her to go to bed hungry , have dirty clothes that don 't fit , and to sleep on the floor in the corner of the living room because she doesn 't have her own room nor her own bed . I don 't want her to take crappy jobs around the questionable neighborhood so she has spending money - for dinner . It would be nice if her mom wasn 't drunk and passed out when she got home from school or the abusive boyfriend of mom wouldn 't be beating anyone up . Five steps forward and 37 back . She 's passing every subject but math ( As in PE and science , Bs in reading , social studies and language , and an F in math - but it 's coming up ) . She 's quiet with me these days . I 've never , ever ratted out her secrets to anyone . For her that 's more than her telling me so I get her help because the system has failed her time and time again . Trust me . Abuse has been reported and the system failed her . She 's one tough kid now and it would take a huge , mean guy to hurt her because she would kill someone who tried again . So she doesn 't tell me things as a ' cry for help . ' She tells me so someone else knows . And thinking with my brain and knowing with my heart are two different things , I know . Today my heart hurts for her . I 'm not in any financial position to save her . I want to save her . I 'm not sure how much longer she 's gonna survive . Maggie You never know what you might get with me . I could be curled up in Starbucks and sipping my latte while tapping away on my laptop . I could be wearing fine shoes , ready for a night on the town . I could be riding a horse across the country side . Or snuggled in bed , with a good book . I laugh to loudly and I cry to easily . I can be serious or silly , or a tad over dramatic . Maybe I feel like being the center of attention or it could be my day to blend quietly into the crowd . I 'm sassy , sexy , silly , feisty , and fun . No matter what - it 's all me . Take me or leave me . . . Stick around - you might like what you see . My Partners In Crime : Daddy - O : my fatherMac - my 21 year old sonTheGuy / Boyfriend - my . . . boyfriend with whom I resideCurley , BabyGirl , Lilith , Photographer - my Civilization ( And North . Civ ) girlfriendsGulo - best GF back in the Wild WestBro & SisIL : my brother & sister - in - lawThe Divine Ms K , Fab Finn & Big T : my niece & nephewsGiles : the BEST retired greyhound dog ever ! ___________ My Man Graveyard : I 'll just call all the mend from my past . . . Sam . Since they 're all my past . . . who really cares about names ? Once in awhile I 'll probably need to speak ill of those lost loves and burned out flames , so do we need a dance card to keep those guys I don 't love any more straight ? Nope , so just call them all Sam ! ______________ Civilization : my home townNorthern Civilization : a larger metro area north of my hometown ( I lived here too , for about 4 years . . . ) The Capital : metro city where I now live , as of 2 / 2014Wild West : section of the USA where I used to liveOccupation : Currently : administrative assistant to the CEO of a computer company . Formerly a high school and college teacher ; a library aide at a reform school for kids ages 12 - 19 , a weekend receptionist , a substitute teacher , an ice cream scooper , a telemarketer , a grant writer , a social workerPlaces I hang out : library , Starbucks , movie theaters , book stores , antique stores , vintage clothing shoppes , Daddy - O 's house , museumsAlcatraz : the co - ed reform school where I taught summer school & was a library aide Past honorable mentions ( or , " Who the heck are these people ? " ) : Trooper , AmericanInIrelandSam , AlaskaSam , & ITSam : former BFs ; XRayGirl : a girlfriend I don 't see much anymore
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Rima 's personality is cheerful and nice . She also has her scary and stubborn side though . Rima has a lot of guts , making her a great actress . She was cold towards Renge Takuma since he was cold to her , but then they came to respect each other . Despite being childhood best friend with Ruki Shiro , she grows a huge hatred towards him after he treats her like dirt . Rima has little scary ghosts that controls her hatred . They 're called Rima 's Evil Spirits . Rima has a noticeable crush on Renge , but does not know if it 's just respect or something on that line . The Head and a apprentice Spirit Appearance : Rima is a great beauty . She has large dark brown eyes with tints of red in them and dark brown hair that almost reaches her waist . Rima has long bangs kept to the right side of her face . Rima has many hairstyles , like a side bun with strands falling down , bangs up with two strands framing her face and so much more . Rima 's nails are always well manicured and even . Rima wears designer clothing , and hates wearing skirts or dresses . She likes wearing flats , medium pump heels and skate shoes . Rima is suited for a lot of Acting because she looks stunning in the outfits and her personality and guts are beyond a professional 's . Rima is from a family of wealthy Surgeons and Lawyers . She lives in a huge spacious house with glass flooring and a glass staircase . Rima always donated money to kids and elderly people every week , and stayed there to cook and entertain them . Despite being very wealthy , Rima works at a fancy restaurant and is very sweet and cheerful . The Boss Chef there taught her all the secret techniques of a professional chef , like how to make vegetables into huge sculptures . When Rima was a very young child , she learnt how to be a polite young girl . Arisa Kuruso taught her that she should smile even when she isn 't feeling well while helping / serving someone and that Rima should always wait until the guest leaves before she leaves . Rima 's standing and sitting posture is very beautiful and professional . Kana Kuruso , Rima 's mother , was never there for her . Her mother showed no love for Rima , since Kana was always busy with work . Rima grew up being cared by Arisa , Kain and Junro . Junro passed away in the hospital after a car accident on New Year 's day . Rima was so sad that she lost her ability to talk . Arisa tried everything to cheer her up , but nothing worked . Two weeks later , Rima met a boy named Shin . They became friends and he brought her to the park and a cave full of glittering rocks . Rima was so happy that she got her ability to talk again . She came home with a happy heart , much to the joy of Arisa and Kain . The next day , Shin left a note and a sparkly green jade with tints of purple in it for Rima in the cave , saying that he has to go to America for a few years , but they will for sure meet again . Rima wasn 't sad , she was waiting for the year to come to see Shin again . Rima 's childhood best friend and pass love was Ruki Shiro . Ruki would always have to cheer Rima up when she cried , but then he didn 't know what to do anymore so he just stared at her . Rima and Ruki played volleyball together many times , but it was shown that Ruki is the worst at it . Rima always beated Ruki in volleyball . Their friendship ended around the age of 15 when Ruki suddenly disappeared and was seen on TV that he is now a singer . Rima was upset , so she went there to ask why he disappeared without informing her . Ruki told her that she was just some toy to stall time until he reached Stardom . Insulted , Rima slaps Ruki across the face and tells him that one day he will be crushed by her . That was the moment of her Evil Spirits ' birth . Rima was at the Donation centre to donate money and items for the poor . Just as soon as she walks out of the donation centre , there are cameras flashing at her and reporters holding mics . The president of KME studio and RME studio , Hideki Juro , approaches her in a sombrero . He asks her to join one of the studios , much to her surprise . She hesitates , then chooses KME studio . Rima was very happy , but she doesn 't know why they want her . President Hideki tells her that her talents and kindness is posted on every newspaper that is out . He hands her one to see for herself , and Rima 's eyes almost popped out of her head . There , on the main page of the newspaper was Rima cooking . President Hideki tells her that the people around the area said she has a lot of talent pheromones . Rima was now a member of KME studio ! When Rima arrived at KME studio , everyone stared at her with interest . As Rima wandered around the huge studio , she bumps into a man named Renge Takuma . Renge asks her if she is that newcomer President Hideki picked out , making her feel insulted . Right after asking her a question with a cheerful smile , he glares at her and tells her that if she is only here to fool around then she will be killed by him . Rima glares back at him , declaring that she won 't fool around . Rima continues walking around with what Renge said to her stuck in her head , making her gloomy . She is then introduced to a girl an age older then her . Her name was Ayama Emiko . At first glance , Ayama didn 't like Rima . President Hideki announces to them that they are Official partners with each other , much to the joy of Rima and dismay of Ayama . As Rima continues to talk a lot to Ayama , Ayama then accepts Rima , but doesn 't admit it . Renge 's manager Akihiko Loki offers a role for Rima in this movie they want to make called Angel Of The Dead . Rima gladly accepts , but when she reads the casting list and spots Ruki Shiro , Rima totally explodes . Rima 's Evil Spirits are released , making Akihiko and Ayama scared . Rima really wants to get famous , so she decides to just put up with it . Rima is stuck with Renge to get a bunch of props , making her gloomy again . Renge tells her that she has a main role in the scene so she shouldn 't mess up . As they walk , a lady rushes past them while screaming at someone through the phone . The lady rushes past them again and yells out Mr . Shiro . Rima was struck in the heart by a flying sword . Ruki appears out of the Prop Room and stares at Rima and Renge . Ruki then starts yelling and pointing at Rima and then at Renge . Rima glares at him , pulling Renge away to the Prop Room . Renge asks what is their relationship , as Rima tells him he is a childhood best friend who threw her away after becoming a singer . Rima 's Evil Spirits float in the air around her , chanting out Kill Ruki , making Renge feel awkward . While Renge went to put away the props into the car , Rima runs back to the Prop Room since she forgot her cell phone . Her cell phone was no where to be found in the Prop Room though . As she turns to leave the room , Ruki opens the door and enters . The Spirits escape into the air and chokes Ruki , much to the delight of Rima . Ruki tosses them aside wearily and walks towards Rima . He asks her what she is doing in the Prop Room again . Rima tells him tht she is looking for her cell phone , making Ruki smirk . Ruki raises Rima 's cell phone up , shooting relief into her . Rima tries to snatch it away , but he prances around mockingly . Irritated , Rima kicks him in the leg . She takes her phone and stomps out the Prop Room . The day to start the movie has finally arrive . Rima was the Angel , Renge was a Shinigami and Ruki was a Shinigami too . Rima went to get ready as an Angel . About 30 minutes later , she comes out in a white long dress with purple straps and white heels . Her accessories were a star necklace , star earrings and a pair of white feathered wings on her back . Her bangs were pinned up to show her bright face . Everyone was surprised at Rima 's beauty , including Ruki himself . Rima 's angel costume The story of Angel Of The Dead : There was a beautiful Angel . That Angel lived among clouds with the other Angels . Her life was filled with happiness and fun . The Angel was inlove with a Fallen Angel , who the other Angels reject . The Angel and the Fallen Angel had a perfect love relationship , until one day the Angel finds out that he was dead . No one knew how he died , and his body wasn 't covered in traces of blood . The Angel was so sad , but also suspicious . How did he die , and who did this ? Weeks have past since the Fallen Angel 's Death . She still couldn 't find an answer to his death though . That night , the Angel could hear someone whispering her name . The voice sounded like the Fallen Angel 's voice . The Angel follows the voice and reaches a ghost - like person in a black and white outfit . His face was just like the Fallen Angel 's face . She asks him if he is the Fallen Angel she loved , as he replies yes . The Angel asks him how he died , but he just raised his hand up to silence her . He tells her that the body they saw was just something he shedded out of . The Angel doesn 't understand , but decides to not ask anymore question . The Fallen Angel tells her that he is a Shinigami ( Death God ) and that he has come to take her back with him . The Angel smiles , reaching out to him . He reaches out too and smiles softly at her . They were just about to grab ahold of each others hands when another person in a black and white outfit break the reunion . The stranger yells at the Angel for being so naive , and introduces himself and that he is also a ShinigaRima , Ruki and Renge start acting . Rima 's acting was amazingly good , like how her emotions of when the Fallen Angel died made tears fall down her face . When they had breaks , Ruki would tease her by asking if she cried when he died ( Ruki was the Fallen Angel Shinigami ) , making Rima and her Evil Spirits angry . Ruki and Renge seemed to glare at each other a lot . Akihiko and Ruki 's Manager Mia Kena have the idea that Renge and Ruki are taking this acting too far . Director Izumi Chika tells Rima that she is very good at emotions and facial expression , making Rima smile happily . The Director tells them that the next movie part for Angel Of The Dead will begin somewhere after Valentine 's Day . Rima has become quite famous from Angel Of The Dead . Renge reports that KME studio wants her to be a actress and singer . Rima is quite surprised , and accepts the request . At the Practice and Recording Stage , President Hideki welcomes her in . He tells her to think of a good song to sing that will make her hit the top . Rima smiles and says that she will do her best . Rima runs to her room and locks the door , thinking of a song . Day and night , day and night . Rima kept thinking , and soon she wrote down the lyrics . . . It 's been three weeks now . Rima goes to the Practice and Recoding Stage , ready to sing and dance . President Hideki comes dancing into the place , asking if she got the song . Rima happily says yes , then asks him if the sound affects are ready . The President nods and tells her the Lady got her outfit . Rima gets into a cute ruffle tiered shirt , jean shorts and pale pink lace heels . Her hair is put up into a bun on the side of her head with many strands of hair falling down . Rima gets onto the stage and takes a deep breathe , then tells the President to hit the button to play the music . The video cameras started recording . Rima starts singing Cosmic Love and dancing . President Hideki stares at her in amazement , even dropping his glass of water . It falls to the ground and shatters . Rima 's dance moves were smooth and beautiful , and matches the music and her singing . Her voice was filled with pride and cheerfulness , and she performed with a smile on her face . Renge and his Manager Akihiko comes in to find the President and is held captive by Rima . The colorful lights swung around like a Disco ball and mist was covering Rima 's ankles . At the end of the song , a explosion of colorful sparks appear . The man holding the video camera quickly stops the recording . Rima sits on the stage steps and smiles . Renge smiles slightly and leaves the Stage room . Akihiko runs to Rima and says she was great . President Hideki tells her that this will be in Tokyo 's News ♥ Valentine 's Day was just around the corner . As a Valentine 's Day event , President Hideki decided to host a Valentine Singing Concert . He says that the concert would be sort of like a party for KME and RME studio . The event will be taking place at a reserved Botanical Garden . Rima is so excited , since she will be one of the singers to perform at the event . Renge smiles at her , telling her to do good at the performance . Rima smiles back , making Renge feel a bit awkward . Akihiko smirks slyly at Renge , asking him if he is inlove with Rima . Renge looks at Akihiko with hatred in his eyes , saying that Akihiko shouldn 't be talking about these things right in front of Rima . Rima wasn 't listening to anything they were saying though , much to Renge 's relief . Renge could see the sparkle in Rima 's eyes , causing him to chuckle , which made Akihiko smirk again . Rima goes into the kitchen to make chocolates for everyone who helped her when she needed help . Her list to make chocolates for are Ayama , Akihiko , President Hideki and the staff . She wonders if she should make Ruki chocolates , since he helped her in the Angel Of The Dead movie . Just thinking of making him chocolates made Rima 's blood boil with hatred . Rima thinks it over again , which this time made her get the shivers . She thinks some more , and smirks evilly . Rima decides to make Ruki the most bitterest chocolate he ever ate . As Rima makes the chocolates , she is also making Wine Jellies for someone . Six hours before Valentine 's Day ! The Valentine 's Singing Concert will begin at 8 : 00 PM at the Botanical Gardens . Rima wore a black designer tank top with purple straps on it and jeans shorts . She had white feathered earrings on and black / gold diamond studded heels . Her hair was tied in a ponytail on the side of her head . Renge smiles at her and holds out his hand , offering her his service . Rima smiles back and places her hand onto Renge 's . Renge kisses her hand lightly , making Akihiko very shock . Rima , Renge , Ayama and Akihiko gets into Renge 's car and drives off to the Botanical Gardens . Valentine Singing Concert Rima 's Valentine Concert outfit They arrive at the Botanical Gardens at 7 : 50 PM . President Hideki tells them that when it strikes 12 : 00 , the real party begins , since it will be officially Valentine 's Day . The Botanical Garden was very big , with a stage in the middle of the Garden . There was a long table right infront of the stage and benches . Rima was amazed at the sight . Around 8 : 15 PM the RME studio residents arrived . Ruki glances at Rima and glares at Renge . The President announces that the party begins now while the real party is when it becomes officially Valentine 's Day . Everyone chattered away as they ate and drank wine . Rima 's performance was scheduled at 11 : 55 for some reason . Time passed , and it was already 11 : 30 PM . Ruki went up to perform his debut singles Invisible Wall . Rima watches him with slight disgust . After he finishes his song , he walks off . Before Rima and her instrumental band walk onto stage , Renge stops her and holds out a small white tiger plush that was holding a red rose in it 's mouth . Rima was genuinely shocked , accepting it with happiness written on her face . Rima bends over and gives Renge a hug and Wine Jellies in a box . Renge accepts it and tells her to do well with her performance . Akihiko sniggers evilly at Renge . Ruki , who was watching Renge and Rima , clenches his teeth together to control his anger . Rima gets onto the stage and the band begins to play the music for Cosmic Love . Rima put on the most lively and cheerful performance that night . Ruki glares at Rima evilly while she sings . His manager Mia tells him that Rima must be very happy to get such a sweet and simple gift from Renge . Ruki gets even more angry . Rima ends her performance , and right after she ends it , Ruki walks onto the stage and grabs Rima . He forcefully kisses her . While he kisses her , he plops a candy into her mouth through his mouth . Rima becomes disgusted , as she tries to push him away . Akihiko grabs his hair with despair and desperately begs them to stop kissing for so long before Renge totally snaps . Everyone gasps , whispering that even when acting a kiss is not this long . Renge glares at Ruki and is about to stop them when suddenly Rima shoves Ruki away . Rima 's Spirits escape into the air , looking dead . Rima collapses onto the ground with an eerie dark aura around her . Her Spirits shriek out that Ruki will never be forgiven for his whole life . Ruki smirks at Renge , who was glaring at Ruki . Rima and her Spirits snap out of their depression and chokes Ruki like there 's no tomorrow . Rima then smirks , taking out a piece of chocolate and shoving it into his mouth . Ruki 's face twist into an unpleasant expression . He yells out that the chocolate is way too bitter , much to the pleasure of Rima . Ayama brings Rima to the Waterfall area to calm down . Ayama says that Ruki must like her , much to Rima 's rejection . Rima knows that Ruki is just toying with her like usual . Renge approaches them at the Waterfall with a dark aura surrounding him . Akihiko comes along too , with a worried look on his face . Rima breaks down in tears , saying that Ruki stole her first kiss . Renge laughs with mocking amusement in his tone . He tells Rima that it wasn 't considered a kiss since she didn 't kiss back . Akihiko knows Renge is avoiding the main point . Renge tells her that if she wants to be a professional actress , she needs to know that they do mouth contact in acting . Rima stops crying and smiles brightly , agreeing with Renge . He smiles at her then puts on a evil face , telling her to never let that happen again , making Akihiko scared . Ayama then understands that Renge must like Rima . Ayama smiles at Rima . After the Valentine 's Party and unexpected event , Rima thinks that Renge is not happy with her . She decides to make her specialty Mango pudding for him . Rima finishes the pudding and looks for Renge , finding him in the Prop Room . Rima and Renge are alone in the Prop Room , since Akihiko left them alone on purpose . Renge asks her what she needs . Rima hands him the Mango pudding that was in a glass case . Rima tells Renge that he looked bothered lately , so she made him Mango pudding . Renge smiles happily at Rima and tastes it . He tells her that it is good , making Rima shine with happiness . Renge knew that Rima couldn 't forget Shiki 's kiss , since Shiki is her sworn enemy . Also , Renge knew since Rima would have a dark expression on her face once awhile . Renge 's smile fades away . He bends over towards Rima , his lips close to her 's . Rima 's eyes widen with shock as Renge 's lip touches her lip gently . Renge pulls back and smiles , telling her that the pudding was delicious . He leaves with satisfaction while Rima sits there with a frozen expression . Rima turns on the TV in her dressing room , half frozen at the same time . News came on that there is a New Band named Death Gazette with five members : Raiden Tadoa , Uruha Sado , Kou Goro , Dai Aoi and Yuji Tetsuya . Rima continues watching the news . The man interviews the Leader , Raiden Tadoa , on what Death Gazette 's main goal . Raiden gives a sly smile , announcing that their main goal is to destroy Ruki Shiro , making Rima choke on her water with anger . The only person who can destroy Ruki is HER ! Rima marches off to the RME studio where Death Gazette was having their interview . When she arrives at RME studio , her Evil Spirits are dying to escape . Rima finds Death Gazette quickly and starts yelling at Raiden while they were in the middle of their interview . Raiden gives her a bored look , then notices that Rima is the Rima that everyone is talking about . Raiden asks her if she is the murderous woman he heard about , making Rima angry . Rima releases her Evil Spirits , and this time she released all 127 Spirits . The interview ended when Rima went crazy . Her Spirits broke two windows and a few chairs and also tried to choke Raiden . Uruha watches with contentment at Rima 's rage . Ruki appears with fustration and snaps at Rima . Rima takes one glance at Ruki and yells in horror . Renge comes rushing into RME studio since he heard Rima was becoming angry to the point that she is damaging things . Renge calls out to Rima , making Rima freeze up again . Rima faints on the spot from stress , hearing faint words calling out to her . Rima wakes up in her dressing room with President Hideki beside her . He smiles , telling her that he is glad she 's fine . Rima remembers what had happened , making her sulk with teary puppy eyes . The President tells her that it 's okay and to try to control herself more . Rima says yes cheerfully , making the President smile . A week later , President Hideki calls on Renge and Rima out of the blue . They come to the President 's manor with a clueless expression on their face . The President tells them that they are going to be sent on a very top secret mission , making Rima gasp . The President calls in a Lady to prepare Rima . Renge got changed into black shiny pants , a long black coat and his hair was messy . When Rima came out , she was in a black and red tank top , jean shorts and black high heel boots . Her hair had red streaks in it and was puffed up . On her lips was a sliver pierce and around her neck was a purple choker . Renge 's mouth dropped in shock , asking the President what he is trying to do . The Presidet smiles like a butterfly , stating that on this mission , Renge and Rima will be a couple . This time , it was Rima 's mouth that dropped in shock . Rima gulps and takes on the mission . Before Rima and Renge left , President Hideki gives them a gold key to a fancy hotel room , saying that they will be staying together in a hotel for the night and their undercover names with be Leanne and Setsuki . Secret Mission Outfit As Rima and Renge walk to their hotel at night , they bump into a few weirdos who want Rima . Renge eventually beats them up , almost killing them until Rima screamed stop . They arrive at their hotel and checked in as Leanne and Setsuki . In their hotel room , there was one bed with a white leather bed frame and soft red blankets and pillows . Rima looks at it with a dark look , wondering why there is only one bed . Renge smirks and tells her that since they are a couple on this mission , they should be able to share a bed together . Rima remembers her responsibilities as an actress , agreeing with Renge . Renge goes into the shower first . It 's been over thirty minutes and Renge hasn 't come out yet , making Rima worried . Rima opens the washrrom door and smacks the shower curtains aside . Renge pauses his shower and looks at Rima . Rima stands there calmly , telling him that she thought he died from the shower steam . Renge smiles slyly and asks her if she came to join him . Rima smiles , stating that she wouldn 't mind but she has to prepare dinner . She then slips out of the bathroom calmly , rolling on the floor and freaking out . She wobbles to the kitchen to make dinner . Hotel De Danielle - Renge and Rima 's hotel room After Renge and Rima had finished taking turns in the shower , they eat dinner . They were getting tired , so Rima and Renge decides to sleep . Rima climbs onto the left side of the bed letting Renge have the right side . Rima falls asleep unpredictably fast . Renge smiles and falls asleep too . The next morning , Rima and Renge gets ready to leave the hotel . They leave and walks to a Garden . At the Garden , Akihiko and the President were waiting for them . The President asks them if their relationship has deepened to the point that it will burst with love , making Renge angry . Rima finally gets the whole aim of this secret mission . . . To get Rima and Renge become a official couple ! The thought made Rima 's head spin , giving her a headache . Akihiko announces to Rima and Renge that Ruki was informed with their Secret Mission . The President smiles brightly , asking if anything happened between them . Renge says no , but then adds that Rima saw him in the shower . Akihiko turns red , thinking that Renge might have did something immoral to Rima . Renge leaves for his dressing room to rest from the adventure . Rima changes into her normal clothes but still had the red streaks in her hair . She walks out of KME studio and sits on the giant fountain 's rim . Suddenly , she hears a rampage heading her way . Rima glances at the direction and sees Ruki followed by a giant dusty cloud . Ruki had the killing intent in his eyes as he ran at full speed towards her . Rima gasps in horror alongside her Spirits . Ruki steps on his running brakes when he reaches Rima and glares at Rima darkly . Ruki yells at Rima while holding out a picture of Rima on Renge 's lap as he wraps his arm around her waist in their Secret Mission identities . Rima looks at the photo and asks him where he got it , making him laugh mockingly . He gives her a evil sly look , saying that the pictures were scattered everywhere at RME studio . Rima 's mood becomes darken , thinking that the only person who would post the pictures up was President Hideki . Ruki asks her if it was true that she and Renge stayed in a hotel together for a night , but before Rima could reply , Raiden and Uruha of Death Gazette appears . Rima narrows her eyes at Raiden with disgust . Uruha asks Raiden if he caught sight of a Spirit Lady , making Rima fall down like a stone was hammering her into the ground . Ruki takes a glance at Raiden and sighs , wondering if that emo dude is actually going to try to beat him . Raiden smirks at Rima , making Rima freeze with shivers going through her veins . Raiden asks Ruki if he actually kissed Rima , making Ruki glance a different direction . Rima turns gloomy , wondering why he has to mention the kiss . She remembers Ruki and Renge 's kiss , making her sulk sadly with misery surrounding her aura . Raiden asks Rima if he can steal her second kiss , since Ruki already stole her first . Rima blushes slightly , saying that her second kiss was stolen too , making Ruki perk up with a shocked face . Raiden snorts once with a evil smile , saying that Renge Takuma must of kissed her . Ruki glares at Rima , and grabs her by her sweater . Shiki demands a clear explanation , making Rima annoyed . Rima says bye quickly and leaves for the Hot Spring , leaving Ruki dumbfounded and Raiden clueless . KME and RME Hot Springs Rima gets into the private Hot Spring and shuts the door , scared . Rima gets into the Hot Spring , tired and depressed . She hears knocking on the Hot Spring door and then hears Ruki 's voice asking if she was in there . Rima yells at him , asking him if he is a pervert now . Ruki talks to Rima , asking if Renge actually kissed her . She sulks deeper into the water , hesitating to tell him or not . Rima then says yes , making Shiki 's mood dark . Ruki leaves without saying goodbye , relieving Rima a bit . Rima just couldn 't stand the tense conversation filled with enemy hatred ( The hatred is mainly from her ) . Rima gets out of the Hot Spring and gets into a black shirt and jean shorts . She puts on her gray boots that were almost knee high , grabs her handbag and leaves the Hot Spring . Right when she walks out the room , someone grabs her by her waist ! Rima 's outfit after Hot Spring Rima sighs , knowing it is Raiden . Raiden caresses her wet hair , staRima wakes up and sees Ruki 's mouth on her mouth . She starts squirming around , trying to escape . Ruki looks at her and sighs with relief . Rima covers her mouth with anger boiling up in her and glares at Ruki darkly . Ruki told her that he saved her with CPR , so she shouldn 't be rude to her savior . Rima looks disgusted , saying that she never asked him for help . Ruki puts on a solemn face as he looks at her . Rima then adds what would he get from saving her from Raiden , making Ruki let out a short laugh . Ruki tells her that he never thought of it benefiting him , but only her safety to him was important . Rima is shocked , asking him why he would care of such a thing . Ruki only made out the words I love until Renge came walking up to Rima . Rima suddenly gets the feeling Renge was listening to their conversation . Renge looks at Ruki with unfriendly eyes and smiles brightly at Rima . Ruki sighs and then smirks , telling Rima that she will be the only one he will admit defeat to . Rima looks at him with a confused face , but Renge knew what Ruki meant . What Ruki just said was like a declaration of love for Rima , but Rima was too estranged to Shiki to understand anything about him anymore . Ruki leaves , then Renge pulls Rima to his car so they could go back to KME studio . Renge questions her what was going on about Ruki calling himelf her savior , making Rima so scared since Renge would seem cheerful but is actually angry . Rima tells him that Raiden from Death Gazette was stalking her in some way and that Ruki had saved her . Rima lowers her head in shame , sad that her nemesis had to protect her . Renge had a dark aura around him , asking if that is all , making Rima grow more tensed and depressed . Rima tells him Ruki gave her CPR , making Renge glare at her . He tells her that he is not happy with her . Rima bows her head countlessly and apologizes nonstop . Renge sighs and tells her it 's fine as long as she knows her mistake . Rima was walking to the Botanical Garden , but to make her day depressing , Ruki is also at the Botanical Garden being interviewed on TV . Rima glares at him and passes Ruki quickly . She hurries to Renge and leaves to find the Grand Waterfall . Renge finds the Waterfall and beckons Rima to come take a look . Rima pokes her hand into the Waterfall , and instead of finding solid rock it was just air . She walks through the Waterfall and comes inside a Crystal cave : The one she went into with Shin . Memories pour into her as she smiles with happiness . Renge calls her and steps through the Waterfall . Tears were falling down her happy face . She tells Renge that this cave held many memories of Shin , making Renge jolt with shock . Renge couldn 't just tell her he was Shin , so he keeps it hidden for now . Rima and Renge walk out of the Waterfall and are completely soaked . Akihiko glances at them and runs back to the RV to get them towels . Akihiko comes back and tells Rima to get changed and hands her the towel . Rima goes back to the RV and gets changed into jean shorts and plain black shirt . She puts on a light purple sweatshirt , purple wedges and leaves . Right when she exits the RV , Ruki grabs her by her hoodie and drags her to the interviewers . He claims that there will be a Singing Contest between him and Rima , making her angry . His rule is that it has to be a new debut song . Rima glares at him , but all he does is smirk evilly while telling her it would be sad if she lost to HIM . Rima was flaring with hatred . BRING IT ON ! Right after she got back with the rest to KME studio , Rima locked herself in her dressing room . Renge came in and offered her some coffee candy that was packed with energy . Rima eats it and is burning with enthusiasm again , making Renge smile . She continues working on the song to make it perfect . The next day , a band group comes in . Rima gives them a music sheet and thanks them , making them flattered . It was getting closer to the Contest of doom . On the Concert date , Rima wore jean shorts , a black sequin top with a purple belt around her stomach and black ribbon wedges . She had a red petal necklace around her neck and red petal earrings . Her confidence was strong with hatred . Renge knew she would put everything in her performance if it was to crush Ruki . Mia announced the huge Contest and lets Ruki take the stage . His new song debut was Shiver ! He sung gracefully and filled his song with emotion , making Rima VERY shocked . He really improved ! The audience cheered happily at Ruki . Rima went on stage after Ruki 's performance with a evil grin on her face . The band starts playing the music for her song , and she starts singing and moving . Her new debut song was called Discotheque . The audience cheered at Rima with delight . Renge and Akihiko watched Rima perform while sitting in the first row . Rima sang and danced with a very blissful face . She finished her performance and bowed , making the audience go in a frenzy as they threw flowers at her . It was voting time . . . Everyone picked up their voting remotes and voted wisely . Rima glances at Ruki with a evil smile and hateful aura , telling him she is looking forward to the votes . The votes are in so Mia is going to announce the winner . . . It was a tie ! Rima and Ruki both got 237 votes . Rima and Ruki glare at each other with a tense aura . Her Spirits wriggles out and chokes Ruki drastically . The Singing Contest ends with Renge and Akihiko dragging Rima away and Mia giving Ruki water to drink . Rima 's birthday was in two days , so KME wants to surprise her on her birthday . They decide to plan a Royal Christmas Party and make Renge the host ! Delicious sweets will be there and a large Waterfall too . The main sweets at the Party will be Green Tea Ice Cream Cake , Mango Pudding , Mousse Parfait and a very large Cream Puff Chocolate Cake . The snacks will be the fruits that you can dip into the Chocolate Fondue Fountain and Mochi Ice Cream . A lot of appetizers will be served , and the decorations would be beautiful and delicate . Everyone wanted to organize the Party without her knowing . The Royal Christmas Party Sweets Royal Christmas Party Chocolate Fondue Fountain Organizing the party seems more riskier than they expected . Rima was running practically everywhere . President Hideki decides to take the most dangerous step to finish organizing the Party : Get Renge , Ruki and Raiden to stall Rima ! Rima gets dragged around by the three of them . Well , Rima 's okay with Renge , but Ruki and Raiden = No . Raiden decides to capture one of her Spirits to manipulate her but then decides not to . Renge brings her to the President 's castle - like mansion . Surprise ! The party was done and all ther was left to it was to wait for the birthday person to arrive . RME studio 's residents were there too . Rima couldn 't help but laugh happily . Renge gives Rima a bouquet of Red Wild Roses with a beautiful star crystal necklace . Rima accepts it with gratitude , making Renge smile . Renge 's gift to Rima . The Royal Christmas Party was so awesome . KME and RME had fun talking to each other . Raiden gives her a small wrapped box . Rima opens it and sees one of her Spirits in there half dead . Rima starts panicking , so the Head of the Spirits came out and dragged the almost dead Spirit back into Rima . Ruki shoves a present box into her hands , but she shoves it back , saying that she will not accept anything from Ruki . They continue quarrelling about it until Rima finally accepts it . Ruki got her a small dancing swan . Rima looks at it and puts on a solemn face . She remembered it from their childhood . The Party ended around 1 : 00 AM . Everyone had so much fun . It was January 7th , 2012 . The amazing entrance like always by the President : He came in surfing with a large wave of water following him . President Hideki was in Vacation Mode . He announced that KME and RME will be going to Los Angeles as a break ! Rima was so excited that she hugged the President . Ayama was already at Los Angeles , which broke Rima 's heart since Ayama didn 't wait for her . The President dismisses all KME and RME residents so they could go and pack for the trip . The plane will be departing at 6 : 30 PM tonight , and right now is 2 : 45 PM . Rima had enough time to pack everything she needs ! KME and RME arrived at the airport an hour early to check in . Rima was going to sit with Renge so they could chat some more about acting . Director Izumi called Rima to tell her they will be filming Angel Of The Dead in Los Angeles . They arrived at L . A 's Airport and left to their Five Star Hotel to drop off their bags . For dinner was sea food at a restaurant near the beach . It was already 9 : 25 PM , so the President told everyone to get into swim wears and have fun while he starts up a barbeque . The Ocean was nice and warm with the tides coming up and down . Rima was very embarrased to step out in a swimming suit , but Ayama forced her to come out . The moon and stars came out as Rima and Renge played in the ocean , splashing each other . Rima was looking for shells in the water when suddenly Renge tilts her head up and looks at her solemnly . He was about to kiss her , but turns around and tells her that there are shells near the cove . Rima 's heart was beating fast , and she was nervous . Even though she vowed to never fall in love again , what was this overwhelming feeling she had . . . What would happen if she actually fell in love with Renge ? Rima went into her hotel room to change into a purple and black tank top , jean shorts and sandal wedges . She was depressed to think that she might be in love . Rima was gloomy , but then remembers that she only respects and somewhat worships Renge , so she can 't be in love . The thought of that made Rima relieved and happy . She knew that Renge could never fall in love with her . Rima smiles and falls asleep in her room . The bad thing was : She forgot to lock her room ! ! ! ! ! ! When Rima woke up at morning , someone was definitely in her room . Rima grabbed her Kill Ruki hammer and went into the kitchen where all the noise was . She whacked the stranger on the head and gasped . It was Ruki ! Rima yelled through hatred and anger , asking him why he was in her room . Ruki yells back , telling her he came to tell her what Director Izumi wanted him to tell her but she was asleep and her door was not locked . Rima sneezes and collapses from dizziness . Ruki pulls her to the bed and tells her to rest while he calls the doctor . The doctor came in quickly and checked her temperature . Rima has a very high fever and will need to rest . If she doesn 't have enough rest , she will have a major blackout which wouldn 't lead to anything good . The doctor and Ruki leave to let Rima rest . It was Tuesday , the filming date for Angel Of The Dead Two . Because of Rima 's fever , Izumi is debating on filming it . Rima tells Izumi to film it since she 'll be fine , but Ruki yells at her . Renge is suspicious of Ruki 's caring intentions towards Rima . Rima got into her outfit and black feather wings . The black ribbon wedges suite her well . Rima 's Fallen Angel Mode Outfit Again , everyone was amazed at her beauty . The story continued from the last filming of Angel Of The Dead . The story of Angel Of The Dead Two : The Angel was now a Fallen Angel Shinigami , and the Stranger Shinigami couldn 't do anything to save her . The Angel apologizes to the Stranger Shinigami for being easily swayed . The Fallen Angel appears and pulls her towards him , then disappears . The Stranger Shinigami disappears too and goes to Death Haven . Death Haven is where all the Shinigamis live . The Stranger Shinigami asks one of the residents if he saw a Fallen Angel with a female Fallen Angel pass by . The resident points to the Shinigami court , so the Stranger Shinigami quickly flies there . In one of the Grand rooms , the Fallen Angel pins the Angel down onto the bed and tells her she will have to start eating souls to stay alive and have eternal youth . The Angel refuses to , but that only made the Fallen Angel rougher . He stroked the Angel 's neck , making the Angel nervous . The Fallen Angel sighs and leaves . . . To be continued . . . Rima didn 't exactly like the stroking part , but can 't do anything about it . Between the filmings , Rima got dizzy . While filming her part with Ruki , she couldn 't repel against her fever anymore . She fainted . Rima woke up in her hotel room . Ayama was bending over to make sure Rima was going to be okay . Rima was awfully sad that she didn 't fulfill her duty as a actress . Renge enters the room and rushes over to see if she was okay . Rima was fine , but she was not happy . It was the day to return back to Tokyo . Well , everyone thought they were going back to Tokyo . . . The President flew them to San Diego next ! Renge argued calmly with the President so they could get back to Tokyo and catch up on work , but when Rima liked the idea of another trip , Renge quickly shut his mouth and smiled . Raiden and Uruha approaches Rima to say hi . Strangely , Rima has weakened her barrier between her and Raiden now . They got along and chatted about the trips to different places , making Akihiko in utter shock . Raiden warns Rima bout Ruki , stating he is on the loose which made Rima squint her eyes . Wikia is a free - to - use site that makes money from advertising . We have a modified experience for viewers using ad blockers Wikia is not accessible if you 've made further modifications . 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I am a wife , a mom , a scout leader , a student , a teacher , a music leader , a reader , and a part time super hero . When do I have time you ask ? Well , who really needs that much sleep ? Ronni was a sailor . She found out that sailors get the pirates when the pirates take things that aren 't theirs . Her response was , " Ooooh , I 'm going to get Kaden ! ! " ( A little friend of hers who was going dressed as a pirate . ) haha ! ! I thought it was hilarious . Collin is a ninja and for those of you who don 't know , he just became a second level yellow belt Tiny Tiger in his TaeKwonDo class so it was fitting . And , yes , his shoes are on the wrong feet . I didn 't notice until later though . Sorry ! ! : ) So , Saturday night we went to the church Halloween party and then went trunk or treating . After that we went to a friend 's house for a party . Woot ! ! We were a bit worn by Saturday night . Then tomorrow for Halloween we are going to cook a traditional harvest feast and the kids are going to wear their costumes all day . It 'll be fun . Then Tuesday , we 're going to hit up the candy at Wal - mart for their after Halloween candy sales . YAY ! ! ! : ) Oh ! ! Afterthought that I came back to add . Why did Ronni choose the sailor costume ? She was trying to decide between this one and super girl and she finally chose this one b / c the skirt came down to her knees . She has been the modesty police and the supergirl costume wasn 't immodest . The skirt came just below the knee but Ronni decided that this one would be better . LOL ! I thought it was cute . ; ) Okay . . . my kids earn " Daddy Dollars " or " Mommy Money " by completing tasks / chores / school , good behavior or whatever I want the kids to do . Then they get to go to the " Mommy Mart " to spend the ' money ' . It can be small toys / candy / tv time / computer time / family walks / game night / movie night / out for icecream . . . etc . Whatever you can think of that your kids would enjoy . You go to this site to print out the money . Here 's a close up of jobs and rewards - - remember , my kids are 5 and 3 so I thought the pictures would be useful . 5 yo can read some words but I thought this would be more helpful for him . I do need to update this chore chart though . They actually do more chores now that they are older . : ) Another thing we did to get the kids to start cleaning their room on their own ( we don 't do it anymore b / c they can do it all by themselves ) is I set the timer for 10 minutes . Then I told the kids they had to clean their room before the timer ran out . If they succeeded before the 10 minutes ran out then they got 10 little chocolate chips ( any very small candy would work ) . If they ran out of time then I started taking away a chocolate chip for every minute they went over . So if they cleaned their room in 13 minutes they would only get 7 chocolate chips . But . . . . it went the other way too so my kids tried to beat the clock . For every minute under they got an additional chocolate chip . So , if they finished in 7 minutes they got 13 chocolate chips . See why we went with small candies ? ? hehe ! ! We only used this method for a month or so and they haven 't used it for a long time now but it worked beautifully ! LOVED IT ! ! I totally loved this article called Crossing Thresholds and Becoming Equal Partners . Last night I was supposed to talk about it at a meeting but we ran out of time so I have all this information that I felt like sharing . I will use a lot of quotes from the article too . It starts off like this : His house key is in the lock . He 's home from work and about to step inside . In the kitchen , real life is scattered all around . The baby is crying . The three - year - old just poured milk - not in a glass but all over the counter . The seven - year - old needs some daddy attention . And dinner isn 't ready . With a deadline at work tomorrow , a head buzzing from rush - hour traffic , and a Church meeting tonight , he 's hoping she will greet him with some relief . Hearing him come in , she is glad a relief party has arrived ! But when she sees his face fall as he looks around , she defends herself : " Look - I work all day too . I 've been with these kids nonstop , and I really need a break . Will you please fix this macaroni and cheese and help with the kids ? " In the heat of her request , his hope evaporates into exasperation , and he is about to react . At this crossroads of their busy day , these two have some choices . Will they use this moment to practice being the kind of companion each has covenanted to become ? Or will each one default to past conditioning - familial and cultural ? Certain attitudes and ideas have crept into the very air they breathe , challenging them as they try to work with each other rather than against each other . I loved this part b / c it just sounds so familiar . So often poor Paul comes home to chaos and I always feel that he should be my relief but he 's just as tired as I am from work . Sometimes I have trouble remembering that he 's had a rough day too so I LOVED this reminder . : ) The article goes on to discuss that perhaps the wife in this scenario was raised in a family where the mother was dependent and taught " girl power " and such . Well , in our situation that is SO true . I mean , I was raised by a single mother so , yeah , females can do anything . GIRL POWER ! ! hahaha ! ! Luckily for me , Paul was not raised in a home stereotypical of the 50s . His mom was pretty independent as well but she always has a clean home and seems to have everything together . She is amazing . I 'm not quite there yet , but it 's something that I strive for . The article moves on to talk about how couples should not be independent nor dependent of each other but interdependent . Here 's another quote : " The Family : A Proclamation to the World " . . . states that fathers " are to preside " and " to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families , " while mothers " are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children . " Fathers and mothers are to " help one another " fulfill these duties as " equal partners . " . . . the restored gospel teaches the eternal idea that husbands and wives are interdependent with each other . They are equal . They are partners . I love that ! Interdependent . . . what a great word and one I hadn 't thought of . When I was talking about this with Paul he reminded me of a marriage class we took before we were married . They talked about how couples should be like letters . . . . You have ' H ' couples . They had a couple stand up there and reach apart and hold hands , demonstrating that they don 't really need each other . They are completely independent and the other is just there . Then you have ' A ' couples . They had a couple stand up in front and lean on the other forming the ^ in the A . If one of them moved the other would fall and they were completely dependent on the other . Finally , the way we should strive to be is the ' M ' couple . A couple stood up there holding hands but unlike the ' H ' couple who were as far away from each other as possible the ' M ' couple was together , closer , and working together along the way . I just thought it was a nice visual and felt like sharing . : ) The Hebrew for help in " help meet " is ezer , a term meaning that Eve drew on heavenly powers when she supplied their marriage with the spiritual instincts uniquely available to women as a gender gift . . . President Boyd K . Packer , Acting President of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said , " virtues and attributes upon which perfection and exaltation depend come [ more ] naturally to a woman . " I loved this ! I loved reading about how important women are . Men are the head of the family but the wives are TOTALLY necessary to make the relationship work . I think this is kind of funny because Paul normally says that he just trusts my instincts because they are normally right . ; ) The article goes on to talk about the men : Genesis 3 : 16 states that Adam is to " rule over " Eve , but this doesn 't make Adam a dictator . A ruler can be a measuring tool that sets standards . Then Adam would live so that others may measure the rightness of their conduct by watching his . Being a ruler is not so much a privilege of power as an obligation to practice what a man preaches . Also , over in " rule over " uses the Hebrew bet , which means ruling with , not ruling over . If a man does exercise " dominion … in any degree of unrighteousness " ( D & C 121 : 37 ; emphasis added ) , God terminates that man 's authority . President Kimball said , " We do not want our LDS women to be silent partners or limited partners " but rather " a contributing and full partner . " Together , a couple will make decisions and they will each listen to the counsel of the other . The man will listen to the " promptings of her inner spiritual compass just as she will listen to his righteous counsel . " ( What great information ! ! I loved this article . . . can you tell ? Well , I 'm not done . ) Young wife , do you see in him someone who has worked all day to bring sustenance to your table ? Young husband , do you see in her someone who has worked all day to make nourishment of that sustenance ? Can you both see beyond the doing of the day and remember the inestimable worth of the being to whom you are married ? Sometimes , being a stay at home mom , it is so easy to forget that I have done anything to contribute to this family . All our money comes from my husband . He doesn 't feel this way , I know he doesn 't but sometimes when were both feeling stressed about the day it is easily forgotten . I loved that this article reminds us of that . I may have to print out this paragraph and put it on my refrigerator . It would be a great reminder to me of how I should focus on my husbands feelings and remind myself and even though the house isn 't spotless I did " make nourishment of that sustenance . " I nourish my children physically , spiritually , and mentally every day and I wouldn 't be able to do that without the sustenance provided by my husband . A great cycle for me to remember . : ) " The folks have been here today , but have gone to their homes . The clatter of racing feet , the laughter and babble of tongues have ceased . We are alone , We two . We two whom destiny has made one . Long ago , it has been sixty years since we met under the June trees . I kissed you first . How shy and afraid was your girlhood . Not any woman on earth or in heaven could be to me what you are . I would rather you were here , woman , with your gray hair , than any fresh blossom of youth . Where you are is home . Where you are not is homesickness . As I look at you I realize that there is something greater than love , although love is the greatest thing in earth . It is loyalty . For were I driven away in shame you would follow . If I were burning in fever your cool hand would soothe me . With your hand in mine may I pass and take my place among the saved of Heaven . Being eight years the eldest - and as the years went by and I felt that the time of parting might be near - it was often the drift of our thought and speech : how could either of us be left alone . Alone , after living together for 56 years . I scarcely dared think of it and though a bit selfish comforted myself thinking [ that ] according to our age I would not be the one left alone . " Another handwriting then appears later on the same page . It is Therissa 's voice , gently closing John 's journal : " Almost two years and a half since the last writing , and its following events are so sad , so heartbreaking for this , his life 's companion that this pen has been laid down many times ere this record is made . Loss and loneliness [ are ] ever present and will be with me to the end . … Will time soften this sadness , will I be able to leave the Old Home and not feel that he is waiting for me , calling me ? I am only content at home where I feel that he is watching over me , his presence always with me . " On March 11 , 1923 , John Haslem Clark passed away after an illness of only one week . He seemed so like himself , talking and active . We had no thought that the end was near until he passeIf our young couple could only know that this love is what they could feel and understand at the end of their lives , what wouldn 't they give ! They 'd listen more and choose better , over and over , day after day , crossing after crossing . They would learn , by patient experience , that " work is love made visible . " 11 They would realize as the years pass that their marriage is helping them become better disciples of Jesus Christ , even becoming a little more like Him . Then they would understand as they cross the final threshold of mortality that the extent to which they have become one with Him is the extent to which they are one with each other . I will say that I am an incredibly lucky girl . I ended up with an extremely incredible guy whose family already taught him most of this stuff but often I find myself forgetting everything that he has gone through during the day . That is the main part that I need to remember in this article . I do think that Paul and I are pretty interdependent of each other . We had to learn that fine balance very early in our marriage when trials hit us and I 'm so grateful for those trials - - not necessarily grateful for the death of my son but for the growth and opportunity the struggle allowed for us . To my awesome husband - - Thank you , Paul , for putting up with me and all my " girl power " times ! ! Thank you for loving me when I make mistakes and for being there when I feel depressed or " off " . Thank you for laughing and flirting with me and even for your sarcastic mouth . Thank you for being willing to spend eternity with me . I love you ! ! So , Collin 's school has Book Buddies . Yes , he is virtual school but this is Mrs Huiet and she came to our local library to have some time with the kids . If we include little Ryanne then we had K - 4th grade represented in this group . ; ) My kids thought it was awesome ! ! She read some books and then talked about some of the things the kids have been learning in the reading class and applied it to the book . It was fun ! ! ! Science Education Enrichment Day . . . yeap , Collin was in heaven . We started off learning about neurons and Collin built one out of pipe cleaners . Then we moved on to glass blowing . This was exciting b / c Collin had learned about it in history when studying Italy . A hawk . The kids couldn 't touch the birds but they had the parts of a bird sitting around the table for the kids to touch . Kinda creepy if you think about it too hard but the kids enjoyed it . Here 's the owl . There were also owl pellets for the kids to dissect if desired . We didn 't b / c Collin had an appointment in the Planetarium . It 's hard to see but in the distance is a little boy with a red jacket on . That 's Collin getting the tennis ball . It actually went pretty far . The kids learned what to do if I was choking . . . do you see how hard Collin had to hit to get that gumball out of " my " throat . Oh my . . . I think that would have hurt . LOL ! Ronni tried it too and the ladies teaching it had to help her get the hotdog out . We did many other things but there were so many ppl that it was just hard to get the camera out everywhere . It was a fun day . Then , we went out for ice cream to make the day even better . Oh yeah ! ! : ) So , we went on a field trip today and I 'm exhausted . It went from 9am - 1pm . Okay , so we left at about 12 : 50 but then we had to walk all the way back to the van so , yeah . . . it was pretty much 1 . It was geared to kids a " little " older than Collin so I was surprised they lasted that long . It was tons of fun though ! ! Enjoy our adventures . . . . . This was George Washington . He was telling the kids all about his " adventures " . He kind of lost my kids attention after ten minutes or so so we moved on to the guns . . . : ) This was one of Collin 's favorite ones . This man explained step by step how the guns worked and he had samples of the barrels sliced open so Collin could see it all inside . He even fired the gun ! Ryanne wasn 't a fan of the loud noise so she and I went next door to the yarn spinner instead while Collin finished learning about guns , tomahawks , knives and swords . This was the circus and the part that my kids spoke about most . This was one of those eye illusion things . He did some magic tricks and showed the comb of Medusa , a tooth from the whale who swallowed Jonah and some other things . Then . . . he moved on to the fire . . . . This was funny . He said , " Do you want to see me shove this lighted baton in my wife 's mouth ? " The kids all yelled , " Yeah ! ! " So , he did . hehe ! ; ) He really did it for the kids though . He lit his tongue on fire and lit another baton with that flame . Fun ! His finale was when he blew fire from his mouth . He made all the kids stand back . It was awesome ! Stockades . Neither of my kids were tall enough to reach so I could take a picture so Collin is lifting his sister into it . LOL ! It was the best we could do . ; ) The Indian Trader . . . no , he didn 't trade Indians . I meant that he traded goods with the Indians . The follow pics of some of the stuff from his tent . In the picture above he was demonstrating how to make fire w / o a match . By the time we got to this part Ryanne was so tired she was cranky and yelling and crying about everything . Collin wanted to see so we quickly walked to other booths and looked to see who was there and then moved on to make a trip to the " Doctor Who Potties " ( as the kids called them ) or port - a - potties and then to the van . So , not pictured but also there were Indians , Benjamin Franklin , a leather builder person , a lady with information on tea , a woman doing those silhouette portraits ( $ 20 each if you wanted one of you ) and a few others that we just didn 't make it to . Tons of fun ! ! : ) The kids have been loving it ! ! Ronni participates in a lot of the classes . Collin gets 3 live virtual class each week . He has reading and math and then science and social studies alternate each week . He also just got his IEP and now gets two speech sessions with the school and one through private so , yes , he gets 3 speech sessions / week . On top of all that he has math , language arts and phonics lessons daily . Then he has art , history , science , and music which alternate ; he has 2 lessons of each one / week . Ronni loves to participate . . . especially on the projects . He just had his monthly assessment with his teacher to make sure he was where he was supposed to be . We skipped the first 8 units of math b / c Collin already knew them . That equaled 16 weeks worth of work . So , she tested him on that to make sure he understood everything he skipped . He did ! ! She was shocked and bubbly when she realized that . At the rate he 's going he should be moving up to first grade math in January . He is also reading and building words now . It 's awesome . He got to start his first reader book today . Hooray ! ! Ronni and I have been working on number recognition lately . She can count to 12 but she doesn 't know what the numbers look like so that has been fun ! : ) It 's not as fun for her as it was for Collin so our sessions are much shorter for her . She 's only 3 so I don 't want to teach the fun of learning out of her . We make it fun and when she 's tired we do something else . This was when we were working on senses . This day we were focusing on the sense of taste . I blindfolded the kids and they had to tell me if things were salty , sweet or sour . It was fun ! ! Especially when I gave them the lime . LOL ! : ) It took a lot of trust on their part .
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I am a wife , a mom , a scout leader , a student , a teacher , a music leader , a reader , and a part time super hero . When do I have time you ask ? Well , who really needs that much sleep ? Ronni was a sailor . She found out that sailors get the pirates when the pirates take things that aren 't theirs . Her response was , " Ooooh , I 'm going to get Kaden ! ! " ( A little friend of hers who was going dressed as a pirate . ) haha ! ! I thought it was hilarious . Collin is a ninja and for those of you who don 't know , he just became a second level yellow belt Tiny Tiger in his TaeKwonDo class so it was fitting . And , yes , his shoes are on the wrong feet . I didn 't notice until later though . Sorry ! ! : ) So , Saturday night we went to the church Halloween party and then went trunk or treating . After that we went to a friend 's house for a party . Woot ! ! We were a bit worn by Saturday night . Then tomorrow for Halloween we are going to cook a traditional harvest feast and the kids are going to wear their costumes all day . It 'll be fun . Then Tuesday , we 're going to hit up the candy at Wal - mart for their after Halloween candy sales . YAY ! ! ! : ) Oh ! ! Afterthought that I came back to add . Why did Ronni choose the sailor costume ? She was trying to decide between this one and super girl and she finally chose this one b / c the skirt came down to her knees . She has been the modesty police and the supergirl costume wasn 't immodest . The skirt came just below the knee but Ronni decided that this one would be better . LOL ! I thought it was cute . ; ) Okay . . . my kids earn " Daddy Dollars " or " Mommy Money " by completing tasks / chores / school , good behavior or whatever I want the kids to do . Then they get to go to the " Mommy Mart " to spend the ' money ' . It can be small toys / candy / tv time / computer time / family walks / game night / movie night / out for icecream . . . etc . Whatever you can think of that your kids would enjoy . You go to this site to print out the money . Here 's a close up of jobs and rewards - - remember , my kids are 5 and 3 so I thought the pictures would be useful . 5 yo can read some words but I thought this would be more helpful for him . I do need to update this chore chart though . They actually do more chores now that they are older . : ) Another thing we did to get the kids to start cleaning their room on their own ( we don 't do it anymore b / c they can do it all by themselves ) is I set the timer for 10 minutes . Then I told the kids they had to clean their room before the timer ran out . If they succeeded before the 10 minutes ran out then they got 10 little chocolate chips ( any very small candy would work ) . If they ran out of time then I started taking away a chocolate chip for every minute they went over . So if they cleaned their room in 13 minutes they would only get 7 chocolate chips . But . . . . it went the other way too so my kids tried to beat the clock . For every minute under they got an additional chocolate chip . So , if they finished in 7 minutes they got 13 chocolate chips . See why we went with small candies ? ? hehe ! ! We only used this method for a month or so and they haven 't used it for a long time now but it worked beautifully ! LOVED IT ! ! I totally loved this article called Crossing Thresholds and Becoming Equal Partners . Last night I was supposed to talk about it at a meeting but we ran out of time so I have all this information that I felt like sharing . I will use a lot of quotes from the article too . It starts off like this : His house key is in the lock . He 's home from work and about to step inside . In the kitchen , real life is scattered all around . The baby is crying . The three - year - old just poured milk - not in a glass but all over the counter . The seven - year - old needs some daddy attention . And dinner isn 't ready . With a deadline at work tomorrow , a head buzzing from rush - hour traffic , and a Church meeting tonight , he 's hoping she will greet him with some relief . Hearing him come in , she is glad a relief party has arrived ! But when she sees his face fall as he looks around , she defends herself : " Look - I work all day too . I 've been with these kids nonstop , and I really need a break . Will you please fix this macaroni and cheese and help with the kids ? " In the heat of her request , his hope evaporates into exasperation , and he is about to react . At this crossroads of their busy day , these two have some choices . Will they use this moment to practice being the kind of companion each has covenanted to become ? Or will each one default to past conditioning - familial and cultural ? Certain attitudes and ideas have crept into the very air they breathe , challenging them as they try to work with each other rather than against each other . I loved this part b / c it just sounds so familiar . So often poor Paul comes home to chaos and I always feel that he should be my relief but he 's just as tired as I am from work . Sometimes I have trouble remembering that he 's had a rough day too so I LOVED this reminder . : ) The article goes on to discuss that perhaps the wife in this scenario was raised in a family where the mother was dependent and taught " girl power " and such . Well , in our situation that is SO true . I mean , I was raised by a single mother so , yeah , females can do anything . GIRL POWER ! ! hahaha ! ! Luckily for me , Paul was not raised in a home stereotypical of the 50s . His mom was pretty independent as well but she always has a clean home and seems to have everything together . She is amazing . I 'm not quite there yet , but it 's something that I strive for . The article moves on to talk about how couples should not be independent nor dependent of each other but interdependent . Here 's another quote : " The Family : A Proclamation to the World " . . . states that fathers " are to preside " and " to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families , " while mothers " are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children . " Fathers and mothers are to " help one another " fulfill these duties as " equal partners . " . . . the restored gospel teaches the eternal idea that husbands and wives are interdependent with each other . They are equal . They are partners . I love that ! Interdependent . . . what a great word and one I hadn 't thought of . When I was talking about this with Paul he reminded me of a marriage class we took before we were married . They talked about how couples should be like letters . . . . You have ' H ' couples . They had a couple stand up there and reach apart and hold hands , demonstrating that they don 't really need each other . They are completely independent and the other is just there . Then you have ' A ' couples . They had a couple stand up in front and lean on the other forming the ^ in the A . If one of them moved the other would fall and they were completely dependent on the other . Finally , the way we should strive to be is the ' M ' couple . A couple stood up there holding hands but unlike the ' H ' couple who were as far away from each other as possible the ' M ' couple was together , closer , and working together along the way . I just thought it was a nice visual and felt like sharing . : ) The Hebrew for help in " help meet " is ezer , a term meaning that Eve drew on heavenly powers when she supplied their marriage with the spiritual instincts uniquely available to women as a gender gift . . . President Boyd K . Packer , Acting President of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said , " virtues and attributes upon which perfection and exaltation depend come [ more ] naturally to a woman . " I loved this ! I loved reading about how important women are . Men are the head of the family but the wives are TOTALLY necessary to make the relationship work . I think this is kind of funny because Paul normally says that he just trusts my instincts because they are normally right . ; ) The article goes on to talk about the men : Genesis 3 : 16 states that Adam is to " rule over " Eve , but this doesn 't make Adam a dictator . A ruler can be a measuring tool that sets standards . Then Adam would live so that others may measure the rightness of their conduct by watching his . Being a ruler is not so much a privilege of power as an obligation to practice what a man preaches . Also , over in " rule over " uses the Hebrew bet , which means ruling with , not ruling over . If a man does exercise " dominion … in any degree of unrighteousness " ( D & C 121 : 37 ; emphasis added ) , God terminates that man 's authority . President Kimball said , " We do not want our LDS women to be silent partners or limited partners " but rather " a contributing and full partner . " Together , a couple will make decisions and they will each listen to the counsel of the other . The man will listen to the " promptings of her inner spiritual compass just as she will listen to his righteous counsel . " ( What great information ! ! I loved this article . . . can you tell ? Well , I 'm not done . ) Young wife , do you see in him someone who has worked all day to bring sustenance to your table ? Young husband , do you see in her someone who has worked all day to make nourishment of that sustenance ? Can you both see beyond the doing of the day and remember the inestimable worth of the being to whom you are married ? Sometimes , being a stay at home mom , it is so easy to forget that I have done anything to contribute to this family . All our money comes from my husband . He doesn 't feel this way , I know he doesn 't but sometimes when were both feeling stressed about the day it is easily forgotten . I loved that this article reminds us of that . I may have to print out this paragraph and put it on my refrigerator . It would be a great reminder to me of how I should focus on my husbands feelings and remind myself and even though the house isn 't spotless I did " make nourishment of that sustenance . " I nourish my children physically , spiritually , and mentally every day and I wouldn 't be able to do that without the sustenance provided by my husband . A great cycle for me to remember . : ) " The folks have been here today , but have gone to their homes . The clatter of racing feet , the laughter and babble of tongues have ceased . We are alone , We two . We two whom destiny has made one . Long ago , it has been sixty years since we met under the June trees . I kissed you first . How shy and afraid was your girlhood . Not any woman on earth or in heaven could be to me what you are . I would rather you were here , woman , with your gray hair , than any fresh blossom of youth . Where you are is home . Where you are not is homesickness . As I look at you I realize that there is something greater than love , although love is the greatest thing in earth . It is loyalty . For were I driven away in shame you would follow . If I were burning in fever your cool hand would soothe me . With your hand in mine may I pass and take my place among the saved of Heaven . Being eight years the eldest - and as the years went by and I felt that the time of parting might be near - it was often the drift of our thought and speech : how could either of us be left alone . Alone , after living together for 56 years . I scarcely dared think of it and though a bit selfish comforted myself thinking [ that ] according to our age I would not be the one left alone . " Another handwriting then appears later on the same page . It is Therissa 's voice , gently closing John 's journal : " Almost two years and a half since the last writing , and its following events are so sad , so heartbreaking for this , his life 's companion that this pen has been laid down many times ere this record is made . Loss and loneliness [ are ] ever present and will be with me to the end . … Will time soften this sadness , will I be able to leave the Old Home and not feel that he is waiting for me , calling me ? I am only content at home where I feel that he is watching over me , his presence always with me . " On March 11 , 1923 , John Haslem Clark passed away after an illness of only one week . He seemed so like himself , talking and active . We had no thought that the end was near until he passeIf our young couple could only know that this love is what they could feel and understand at the end of their lives , what wouldn 't they give ! They 'd listen more and choose better , over and over , day after day , crossing after crossing . They would learn , by patient experience , that " work is love made visible . " 11 They would realize as the years pass that their marriage is helping them become better disciples of Jesus Christ , even becoming a little more like Him . Then they would understand as they cross the final threshold of mortality that the extent to which they have become one with Him is the extent to which they are one with each other . I will say that I am an incredibly lucky girl . I ended up with an extremely incredible guy whose family already taught him most of this stuff but often I find myself forgetting everything that he has gone through during the day . That is the main part that I need to remember in this article . I do think that Paul and I are pretty interdependent of each other . We had to learn that fine balance very early in our marriage when trials hit us and I 'm so grateful for those trials - - not necessarily grateful for the death of my son but for the growth and opportunity the struggle allowed for us . To my awesome husband - - Thank you , Paul , for putting up with me and all my " girl power " times ! ! Thank you for loving me when I make mistakes and for being there when I feel depressed or " off " . Thank you for laughing and flirting with me and even for your sarcastic mouth . Thank you for being willing to spend eternity with me . I love you ! ! So , Collin 's school has Book Buddies . Yes , he is virtual school but this is Mrs Huiet and she came to our local library to have some time with the kids . If we include little Ryanne then we had K - 4th grade represented in this group . ; ) My kids thought it was awesome ! ! She read some books and then talked about some of the things the kids have been learning in the reading class and applied it to the book . It was fun ! ! ! Science Education Enrichment Day . . . yeap , Collin was in heaven . We started off learning about neurons and Collin built one out of pipe cleaners . Then we moved on to glass blowing . This was exciting b / c Collin had learned about it in history when studying Italy . A hawk . The kids couldn 't touch the birds but they had the parts of a bird sitting around the table for the kids to touch . Kinda creepy if you think about it too hard but the kids enjoyed it . Here 's the owl . There were also owl pellets for the kids to dissect if desired . We didn 't b / c Collin had an appointment in the Planetarium . It 's hard to see but in the distance is a little boy with a red jacket on . That 's Collin getting the tennis ball . It actually went pretty far . The kids learned what to do if I was choking . . . do you see how hard Collin had to hit to get that gumball out of " my " throat . Oh my . . . I think that would have hurt . LOL ! Ronni tried it too and the ladies teaching it had to help her get the hotdog out . We did many other things but there were so many ppl that it was just hard to get the camera out everywhere . It was a fun day . Then , we went out for ice cream to make the day even better . Oh yeah ! ! : ) So , we went on a field trip today and I 'm exhausted . It went from 9am - 1pm . Okay , so we left at about 12 : 50 but then we had to walk all the way back to the van so , yeah . . . it was pretty much 1 . It was geared to kids a " little " older than Collin so I was surprised they lasted that long . It was tons of fun though ! ! Enjoy our adventures . . . . . This was George Washington . He was telling the kids all about his " adventures " . He kind of lost my kids attention after ten minutes or so so we moved on to the guns . . . : ) This was one of Collin 's favorite ones . This man explained step by step how the guns worked and he had samples of the barrels sliced open so Collin could see it all inside . He even fired the gun ! Ryanne wasn 't a fan of the loud noise so she and I went next door to the yarn spinner instead while Collin finished learning about guns , tomahawks , knives and swords . This was the circus and the part that my kids spoke about most . This was one of those eye illusion things . He did some magic tricks and showed the comb of Medusa , a tooth from the whale who swallowed Jonah and some other things . Then . . . he moved on to the fire . . . . This was funny . He said , " Do you want to see me shove this lighted baton in my wife 's mouth ? " The kids all yelled , " Yeah ! ! " So , he did . hehe ! ; ) He really did it for the kids though . He lit his tongue on fire and lit another baton with that flame . Fun ! His finale was when he blew fire from his mouth . He made all the kids stand back . It was awesome ! Stockades . Neither of my kids were tall enough to reach so I could take a picture so Collin is lifting his sister into it . LOL ! It was the best we could do . ; ) The Indian Trader . . . no , he didn 't trade Indians . I meant that he traded goods with the Indians . The follow pics of some of the stuff from his tent . In the picture above he was demonstrating how to make fire w / o a match . By the time we got to this part Ryanne was so tired she was cranky and yelling and crying about everything . Collin wanted to see so we quickly walked to other booths and looked to see who was there and then moved on to make a trip to the " Doctor Who Potties " ( as the kids called them ) or port - a - potties and then to the van . So , not pictured but also there were Indians , Benjamin Franklin , a leather builder person , a lady with information on tea , a woman doing those silhouette portraits ( $ 20 each if you wanted one of you ) and a few others that we just didn 't make it to . Tons of fun ! ! : ) The kids have been loving it ! ! Ronni participates in a lot of the classes . Collin gets 3 live virtual class each week . He has reading and math and then science and social studies alternate each week . He also just got his IEP and now gets two speech sessions with the school and one through private so , yes , he gets 3 speech sessions / week . On top of all that he has math , language arts and phonics lessons daily . Then he has art , history , science , and music which alternate ; he has 2 lessons of each one / week . Ronni loves to participate . . . especially on the projects . He just had his monthly assessment with his teacher to make sure he was where he was supposed to be . We skipped the first 8 units of math b / c Collin already knew them . That equaled 16 weeks worth of work . So , she tested him on that to make sure he understood everything he skipped . He did ! ! She was shocked and bubbly when she realized that . At the rate he 's going he should be moving up to first grade math in January . He is also reading and building words now . It 's awesome . He got to start his first reader book today . Hooray ! ! Ronni and I have been working on number recognition lately . She can count to 12 but she doesn 't know what the numbers look like so that has been fun ! : ) It 's not as fun for her as it was for Collin so our sessions are much shorter for her . She 's only 3 so I don 't want to teach the fun of learning out of her . We make it fun and when she 's tired we do something else . This was when we were working on senses . This day we were focusing on the sense of taste . I blindfolded the kids and they had to tell me if things were salty , sweet or sour . It was fun ! ! Especially when I gave them the lime . LOL ! : ) It took a lot of trust on their part .
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A Festive Pic of the Week . . . Well , this is probably my last post for 2014 ( A little early for Pic of the Week , I know ) , so I 'll finish the year with this gem by an artist who goes by Brandrificus ( Brandy ) over on DeviantArt , an impressive US artist self - taught in the world of digital art . Her gallery is definitely worth a visit if you like fairies and fantasy : ) Today - that be the 22nd December - marks a special day . It was the day I came to be . Yep , me . Moi . My little self . I be a whole 21 years old ( * Cough 34 . . . ) . I can already sense that Nano for me is going to be a failure . Last week was disastrous - mainly because I had my first car accident on Monday and haven 't really written since . The shock of it seemed to sap all my creativity . My happy place for most of last week was wrapped under a blanket whilst wallowing in front of the TV . Physically I wasn 't hurt but I just felt really . . . you know . . . meh . Wasn 't a good week . Still , I 'm going to finish the piece I 'm writing . I love the whole idea of it . It 's called ' Tunnel ' and is a Zombie flick about a group of people trapped on the London Underground . It 's one for Amazon : ) So for all those out there writing their little hearts out , keep going . You have a week . Go boost that word count ! ! Posted by In honor of those out in the New York State with all that snow . Keep safe out there , and don 't forget your furry friends . They need somewhere warm too . A few weeks ago , what with everything suddenly Zombie in my life , I come up with a fun little idea for a horror story that I just couldn 't stop thinking about . So I decided I was going to write it but I didn 't want to spend that much time and effort on it , time and effort that should be dedicated to my main project , so when I was reminded of Nano I thought it the perfect opportunity . I 've never signed up for Nano . I 've always put the effort into my own work , but a month off to work on said new project ? Perfect . It would be just the push I need to write the new piece yet not spend too long on it . I took the plunge and signed up about 2 days before it started . So there I was , with the briefest of outlines , no research , and a looming start date - a start date I couldn 't actually start on because of a planned day out in London . Off to a good start . I eventually started on the 3rd November , and even though I started in high spirits , I have to report that I 'm actually failing in keeping up . Life just keeps getting in the way , especially weekends . At an average of 1 . 7k words a day , today I should be hitting the 16k mark . Yep . I 'm at 5k . Still , with quiet evenings ahead , it 's still do - able . I could still catch up . All is not yet lost . I had such a fun weekend . Saturday 25th October meant Zombie Evacuation Race for us . It was a 5k obstacle fun run with a twist to raise money for charity . I didn 't run ( have you seen me run ? I 'd probably frighten the zombies away ) but I did join the 200 odd zombie volunteers that plagued the route , leaping out and scaring the terrified runners trying desperately to keep hold of their life tags . They each got five on a belt and we had to steal them . If you had at least one left by the time you crossed the finish line then you survived . Those with none were infected . The whole atmosphere of the day was brilliant . Even the people working there were in army gear and protective lab suits . Everyone was friendly and we all got goody bags at the end of the day . Everyone loves a freebie : ) There were four in our party in total ; one runner ( running by herself as her boyfriend hurt his back and so had to pull out last minute . She was terrified ) and the rest of us zombies . There were different zombie levels you could choose from . The LIMPERS such as those from the Walking Dead who limp around certain areas in order to make you jump , or the CHASERS from the likes of 28 Days Later and WWZ who sprint after you in the Fast Zones . And then there were zombies in between . I was a Gorger who mingled with the Limpers , and I claimed a place between a narrow section in the path . I crouched beside a log and hung between a V - shaped tree in my blood stained PJs , reaching out for passer - bys , and because it was a narrow section they had no choice but to squeeze past me whilst giving off high - pitched squeals ( and that was mainly the men ) . Make up artists were available to give you the full effect and some people looked utterly terrifying . It was a non - contact event but we were warned that occasionally runners get so involved and so terrified that their natural reaction may take over and they may hit out . My arm was slapped out the way a good few times , but nothing major . However , I managed to witness this fear first hand when a women saw me , screamed , and in an attempt to get out of my reach ran head - first into the tree opposite . She collapsed in a heap in front of me and I had no idea what to do . Luckily the person she was running with stopped and helped her , and I managed to find her in the medical tent after the event to ask if she was okay . She was . She had a slight concussion though . However , one person obviously didn 't think I was scary and patted me on the head as he run past . I had to laugh . The day was brilliant though . I don 't know about the US or around the world , but these events run a couple of times every year in the UK , and so if you 're interested , keep an eye out on their website or like them on facebook for updates on when the next event is and then register . I 'm definitely signing up again for the next one . Zombie me in my tree nick - named ' the happiest zombie on the course ' . . . grrrrr . . . ) Me being blonde originally thought it said 500 words , so I was happily writing , editing , making sure I had all 5 words , and I read it and reread it until I was happy . Then I read the rules again . Yep , you can imagine my panic . . . lol . 300 words . Still , I did it , and here 's the resulting piece . Have fun . And don 't forget to hop over to CoverGirls and read the other chilling contributions : ) Sighing , I pulled the duvet back . A shiver ran through me , the coldness of the night like an invading virus , and I made my way across to Chloe 's room . The door was ajar and her night light was on . A shadow crossed by beneath . So not only was she awake , she was running around ! Chloe sat on her bed , shadows sweeping across her , and she stared at me with a placid glare . I shuddered away an awkward chill and stepped into her room , frowning . " Who were you talking to , sweety ? " Again , I shuddered . So my daughter had found herself an imaginary friend . It wasn 't unheard of . I tucked the duvet around her like a cocoon and thought of the shadow I had seen . " So you were running around with your friend ? " " I wasn 't running around , mummy . He was . He doesn 't get to run around much . " She nestled her head into her pillow . " Why doesn 't he get to run around ? " " Because most of the time he 's up on the fan . " I looked upwards to the ceiling fan that sat motionless on the dark ceiling . It hadn 't been used in a while . " So your friend likes to hang on it and go for rides around ? " Chloe was practically asleep now , looking snug and innocent , but still she replied . " No . He hangs from it with the rope around his neck … " Posted by I recently went and saw Dracula Untold in the cinema . As I 've said many times before , I 'm easily pleased when it comes to films and this one was no different . It was darkish , gritty , and an enjoyable 90 minutes for me . I 've been intrigued with the idea of this film for sometime . I 've always held an interest in the historical element of Vlad the Impaler ( and originally thought this film was his story ) but it 's more about Stoker 's version and tells of how Dracula became the Lord of Darkness that he 's now known as . It mixes historical points , such as Vlad 's brutal upbringing with the Turks , his protective rule over Walachia and Transylvania , and the raging wars that saw thousands impaled , with Stoker 's fiction . Even though I would have liked a more historical account , I wasn 't disappointed with the mix of Stoker 's vampirism . A friend of mine wasn 't too keen on seeing it , thinking what could they possibly add to the vampire genre that hasn 't already been done and stretched to point of ridiculousness ? But she was pleasantly surprised . There are a few elements within it that could easily be the usual vampire cheese ( I won 't give spoilers ) , but for the most part , it steered away from the typical . I put this down to the historical element that lends itself to the story , no matter how accurate or inaccurate that may be . Reading some of the reviews going around the web , not everyone shares my opinion . Some reviews are absolutely dire , saying there 's a reason why this story was ' Untold ' , but I have to think , does it really deserve something that low ? Ok , it wasn 't the oscar - winning masterpiece that trailers often make films out to be , but it was far from wrist - slitting , awful stuff . FAR from it . There were points that could have been dealt with better . I would have liked to explore the demon that gave Vlad his powers more , think Vlad should have had more interaction with him before making his decision that it was the only way , and would have liked to see his struggle coming to grips with the change . I know the character was thrown in at the deep end and probably didn 't have time to consider whether what he was doing was for the best or have time to learn about his new abilities , but he suddenly became master of his powers without having tPosted by ON THIS DAY . . . ( haven 't done one of these in a while ) in 1091 , London was hit by a massive tornado , measuring T8 / F4 . It 's the first ever recorded tornado in the UK and destroyed churches , houses and businesses . Even London Bridge , which was made from wood at the time , was destroyed . It 's estimated that 18 , 000 people inhabited London at the time , all witness to the twister that tore through , and even though around 600 were left homeless , only 2 people were killed . Today I 'm taking part in the Zombie Apocalypse Survival Kit and Crew Blogfest hosted by Mina Lobo at Some Dark Romantic , Jackie at Bouquet of Books and Dani at Entertaining Interests . Go check out their blogs for more fun Survival reading . I sure will be : ) 1 book character - Kit from Jon Sprunk 's ' Shadow Saga ' . She 's an entity that only one person is able to see . We can send her forward to scout out places so that we know what we 're walking into . 1 TV character ( other than TWD ) - Rick Castle from Castle . His humor will keep spirits high in dark times . Also we could talk writing the whole time too and plan how to resurrect the publishing world after the apocalypse . 1 weapon - a sword , I mean come on ! How many thought Michonne was cool with her swords ? Silent but deadly . Just the thing you need . 1 freebie - Flash Wipes . Fuelled by a dream I once had where I was running through someone 's house and throwing anything I could lay my hands on at the pursuing Zombies . Then I picked up some flash wipes , threw them and watched in utter surprise as the Zombies recoiled and backed up . They were too clean , you see . Too clean . The Zombies wanted their bacteria to spread . Cause of it - caused by ' the Bacteria Conspiracy ' which unknowingly created a nation of cleanliness enthusiasts . No longer were kids allowed to play in the garden making mud pies and getting dirty . Household germs had to be destroyed in every corner and on every surface , causing the human immune system to grow weak against the every - day bacteria of the outside world . Then there became a point when the body 's immunity grew too weak and the Bacteria , who had been waiting in the shadows multiplying and creating a race of intelligent super - bacteria with world domination in mind and wanting to prove that after billions of years they were still the master race , made it 's leap for power , seeking vengeance for all those times we used bleach - and flash wipes . Anyone who knows me know I love a good film . I do . I can easily loose myself for a few hours whilst watching , no matter how bad ( with few exceptions for the really bad … that 's just ' slit - your - wrist - time ' painful ) . And I 'm usually open - minded regarding remakes - although you have to admit , they are sometimes a mute point . Ok , there 's a whole new generation out there , some who wouldn 't give an older film the time of day , and so remakes will often appeal more to them ( and what they can achieve these days compared to the likes of twenty years ago can really make a difference ) but if you 're a fan of the original , then remakes aren 't always a good thing . My all - time favourite is The Crow with Brandon Lee . It was one of the first films with an 18 rating that I ever watched , and was probably responsible the darker side of some of my thinking . I just fell in love with it right away . And the soundtrack , which I run out and bought on CD , is absolutely crazy with the likes of Nine Inch Nails and the Cure . For me , there wasn 't anything to not love about this film . The follow - ons , however , I haven 't been too impressed about . City of Angels was not too bad . It wasn 't a patch on the first , and I 've just watched Salvation for the first time . For me , Salvation was definitely verging on ' Slit - your - wrist - time ' bad . What did they do ! ! The killed the Crow ! As for the Wicked Prayer ? I haven 't seen it . Good thing about The Crow is that the franchise isn 't just about a specific character . It can be any unfortunate person who gains the power of the crow to seek vengeance on those who did them wrong , so the story lines can change , the circumstances can change , and the characters can change . They don 't have to make a 1994 reboot - and we 've apparently been assured that it 's not going to be , so I 'm quite hopeful . Let 's just hope they can get some actors who can act this time , unlike Salvation . The other film was Ghostbusters . Again , I 'm a big fan of the original with Bill Murray . And as a kid , not only did I love the film , but I recorded every cartoon episode and never missed one . For me this could go two ways . With new CGI technology it could be visually spectacular , but will my love for the first one give the reboot an unfair disadvantage ? We 'll just have to wait and see what they churn out . And last but not least , Dad 's Army . What are they doing ? ! ! ! What are they thinking ? ! ! ! This , I think , will be disastrous . Ok , they have a star - studded cast lined up with the likes of Catherine Zeta Jones , Bill Nighy and more , but come on . Dad 's Army ? Really ? Captain Mainwaring was only adored because of Arther Lowe , and then with the likes of John Le Mesurier , Ian Lavender , James Beck and Clive Dunn , the cast was complete and Dad 's Army won it 's place in the nation 's heart . You can 't recreate that . You just can 't . It 's not like a film where people spend at most two hours and walk away thinking " oh , that 's was good , " and then look forward to reboot 10 years down the line This ran for years . We grew up with these faces , followed their characters and grew to know them . They were known in every household and still are in many - such as ours . You can 't replace that , no matter how pretty Catherine Zeta Jones may be . . . Bonjour one and all . A little update - one , to let you all know what 's going on , and two , to let myself know what 's going on . I have a memory like a sieve at the moment . So firstly , a huge shoutout to Kyra Lennon over at Write Here , Write Now and her Cat Anthology ! It 's being released in paperback 10th Novermber and they 'll be doing a whole branch book launch in celebration . I just wish I was a little closer then I 'd definitely be attending that . It 's for such a great cause - Teignbridge & Totnes Cat protection - and as a crazy cat lady myself , I couldn 't be more thrilled to have been invovled . Thank you , Kyra ! ! Well , it 's official . This week saw the arrival of Autumn . I like autumn . I like the colours on the trees , the freshness in the air ( I don 't like the giant spiders that come in your house though , looking for somewhere warm to snuggle up for the winter ) . And the first thing that comes to mind when autumn arrives is bonfire night and getting your cosy hats , gloves and scarves out and snuggling over roaating marshmellows . Yep . Love autumn . Anyway , in celebration of this time of the year , I 've found a real gem for Pic of the Week . Amalia Luliana Chitulescu . If you like this piece as much as I do , do yourself a favour and check out her gallery on DeviantArt . She has some phenomenal pieces up there . It 's well worth the visit . I 've never really been into politics and was a child when Margaret Thatcher had her day . I know there are those who hated her and those who loved her , and I know they had their reasons , but to me , she 's just a figure of British history . I was too young to care , too swamped in my own , innocent imagination to worry about the state of the country back then . That job was down to my parents . And as an adult writer , that imagination is still going strong ( even though it may not be that innocent anymore and with me still just as ignorant about politics ) . We go about our lives with a constant stream of inner dialogue taking place in our heads , forming scenes , creating characters , worlds , scenarios . And all around us we take in inspiration , be it from a sweet tale of romance to a barbaric story of butchery ; the way the breeze blows blossom down the street to the storms that bend trees and rip them of leaves and branches . Inspiration is everywhere we look and ours for the taking , be it bad or good should we choose . So I feel quite shocked that a writer is being threatened with criminal charges after penning a short story that blends historic events with fiction . ' The Assassination of Margaret Thatcher ' by Hilary Mantel , with a scene set in an attic home where its owner and a member of the IRA wait with a ' widowmaker ' to assassinate the Iron Lady . We all know that to write a story and put it out to the world we 're opening ourselves to feedback . Some will like it and some will hate it . You can 't please everyone , but imagine Hilary Mantel 's surprise after one reader condemned her story and demanded a criminal investigation ? [ Quote from Lord Bell in the Guardian : " If somebody admits they want to assassinate somebody , surely the police should investigate ? " ] Erm . . . I know I 'm blonde and I may be overseeing some point here , but Mrs Thatcher sadly died sometime back and is in no danger of assassination . And surely people can distinguish between fiction and fact ? But having said that , I reiterate the fact that I am blonde and never been one to jump into politics , so there may indeed be points that I am missing here . There may be a reason why this story has been branded ' in bad taste ' ( I only read a short clip from the Guardian , and apart from Hilary Mantel using it as a instrument to vent her opinions on Mrs Thatcher , I never saw anything truly offensive . I 'm sure there are others around the world who feel the same way about the ex - Prime Minister as Hilary , but I sadly remain indifferent ) . But aside from all that , I just find it sad that a writer has found her inspiration and used her creativity to merge fiction with history , was paid to write the piece , and then abandoned and left to face the consequences - what ever they be . I write fantasy and horror . I write about assassination and murder and this unfortunately includes barbaric thoughts . Does that mean I 'm more prone to go out and kill someone ? Should I expect to find the police knocking at my door and me answering to a crime I have not and have absolutely no intention of committing ? There maybe a lot more to this story that I don 't know or understand , and I 'm not choosing sides . In the political world , it may be offensive , it may be seen as too soon after her passing , but in a fictional world it may make for a good read . I don 't know . But what I can 't understand is why something fictional is being branded as a crime . What about all the other successful books and films out there about government assassins and conspiracies , about terrorists storming the White House in Washington , and of royals being put in the line of fire ? Should those script writers be investigated ? No , because what they 've written is fiction . So what makes this story any different ? Today I 'm taking part in a CatAnthology blog hop hosted by Kyra Lennon over at Write Here , Write Now to raise money for Cat Protection in Teignbridge and Totness . Seeing as I 'm a crazy cat person , I couldn 't resist and thought it a good cause . For the hop , you have to write a piece - any piece in any genre - as long as it includes a cat . You can read other contributions over at Kyra 's Blog . What strange world was this ? Uncharted . Unexplored - or at least so she thought . Who knew if another had landed here before and discovered things that she was soon to discover herself ? Good things ? Bad things ? Things that only lived in nightmares ? She took a step forward with caution , extending a single paw and carefully placing it on the brown ground that stretched out in front of her . It felt cool under her pads , and it shifted under her weight as loose ground compacted beneath . Lifting her head , she sniffed the air . It was fresh with sweet , floral scents but a hint of something decaying lay further a field . It reminded her of a rubbish bin from back home , but the scent was only slight and too far away to distinguish for sure . Maybe this was one of the things she had yet to discover . Her thoughts wandered again to whether this was truly uncharted lands . If someone had discovered this world before , why were there no logs ? Why were there no records of the strange beasts that inhabited it , and of the strange , tall foliage that flourished around her ? The answer was one of two . Either it was true that no other had ever been here or the place was the habitat for larger creatures that provided a cruel end to the lone explorer . She hoped it wasn 't the latter . With rounded eyes , she peered through the darkness and studied her surroundings . An alien leaf brushed against the top of her head , disturbing her fur , and she cringed back and looked up . It stood still , its true colours hidden by the lack of light , but it could have been green . It was hard to tell . It looked like any other leaf , rounded and tapering to a point , and giving it quick sniff , she decided it harmless , but who knew , right ? Uncharted , unexplored , an unknown species ? Huffing , she turned away . She didn 't think it the type to jump out and snatch her body , so as long as she didn 't eat it , she believed she 'd be alright . Lowering her head , she held herself low and slunk from within the foliage , her eyes on guard and her ears twitching , listening . If something was stalking her on this unknown territory , she would hear it and then deal with it . Whether it would turn out good in the end , she didn 't know . All she could do was hope and concentrate on her exploration mission at hand . The foliage parted and a wide open terrain greeted her . Did she have to cross it ? The only other way was back and she had already been there and explored that . All that was left was forward - and this wide open expanse . Her whiskers brushed the ground , tickling sensory glands as she sniffed the area beneath her . There was no particular scent , no markings . It smelt acidic , alien , yet strangely familiar . Maybe this world wasn 't that dissimilar to home ? With one last scout , she started forward , her paws carrying her closer to the plains . The ground here was different . No longer did it consist of brown earth , untouched and sheltered by a forest of plants . Now it was coated with something soft and cushiony - almost furry . She gave it a sniff , deciding this was no body - snatcher either , and then scanned the plain beyond again . It was lifeless , deserted . Even in the darkness nothing moved . But there were eyes . She could feel them , their gaze penetrating her fur . They were there , these foreign creatures , martians , watching , waiting . Would they attack upon sight ? Or would they scamper into hiding and wait for her to pass and be gone ? Extending her sharpened claws in preparation of an attack , she sunk as low as she could and crawled into the opening . Her eyes watched everything . A breeze blew in , carrying away that floral smell and replacing it with that same scent of decay . And there was something else with it , too . Chemicals , burning fuels . She couldn 't place it , but it was otherworldly . It screamed a promise of more life she had yet to discover . There was more to this planet than just foliage and soft , mossy plains . She froze and looked round , wide eyed and flicking her tail . The shadows didn 't stir . But there had been something , she was sure . And then a hint of a rustle . This confirmed it . Something living was over there . Changing directions , she slowly crawled towards the sound , the soft blanketing on the ground stroking her belly as she went . She stretched out one leg , planted her paw between the blades of mossy leaves , and then pulled her body closer before stretching out her other leg , holding her tail low but curved . What was this life form ? Was it going to fight or cower away ? And then it jumped , it 's long , muscular back legs propelling it in the air before her , leaping high and off to the side . Giving a hiss , her own four legs reacted , springing her in the air and away , but her eyes remained on the dark , glistening creature , with its long back feet , short front legs and wide grotesque mouth . And as it landed , it instantly gave another leap . As all four paws touched down , her claws dug into the soft earth for grip and then pushed her back out . This alien had made her jump , but she was going to have the upper - hand here . She wasn 't going to sit back and give this creature the chance it needed to turn and attack , to use what martian skills it had to blast her back into outer - space - or to stun her and leave her helpless while it crawled over and began devouring her , just like it had done with the last explorer to land here … if he had . No , she had to attack first . She leapt into the air , her front paws outstretched , her claws ready , and pounced on the unsuspecting thing . It scampered at the assault , darting from her death grip and disappearing among the soft carpeting of the plains . Unsure where it went , she found her legs springing her from her spot again . The thing could be anywhere preparing an assault of its own , and her only defense was to keep moving . She darted first right , then left before tearing in a sprint across the open expanse . Try and follow me now , she thought as she skidded in mid turn , her claws pulling up earth and then springing her back into the air . A blinding light shot out from the other end of the plains , penetrating the shadows and casting light across the surrounding world . Gasping with terror , she froze where she landed , her wide eyes reflecting the source of the light , and her belly resting on the floor . She had been found ! They had answered an unknown call and come . Her exploration mission had failed , her doom neigh . God - damn it ! She was in the throws of her game ! Why did they always have to interrupt her ? Giving a quick glance across the grass , she saw no evidence of the frog she had hunted . It was hidden among the blades of the lawn somewhere , laying low . There was no chance of her finding it and resuming with her game now . The moment had gone . Irritated , she sat up and licked a paw , ignoring her human 's request to come in . But then a human request was often the prelude to food . If there was a chance of a little something to eat , then maybe going in would be worth it ? Maybe her game had been a worthy sacrifice ? Giving a brief meow , she stood and trotted towards her human with her tail held high . Humans were down - right annoying but sometimes - just sometimes - they had their uses . And besides , there were always other missions to complete and other galaxies to explore inside the house when everyone was asleep … Bio : Dawn lives with a her husband and a cat of her own . When she 's not tending to her cat 's wishes , she 's working a full time job , drawing and writing . With numerous novels and short stories under her belt , she dreams of one day being able to become a full - time writer , and with her preferred genres being fantasy and horror , it 's no wonder her husband has developed a sense of paranoia . Her cat doesn 't seem to mind , though . . . * I give Kyra Lennon permission to use this piece in her anthology to help raise money towards Cat Protection . Once upon a scream … Think you know the real story behind those fables and fairy tales you read as a child ? Stories are written from the viewpoint of the heroes , but the lines between hero and villain , good and evil , are often blurred . We 've gathered twenty three tales that turn those stories you think you know on their heads by letting the villains have their say . What if Snow White wasn 't as pure as the newly driven snow ? What if Red Riding Hood was far more dangerous than the Big Bad Wolf ? What if Rapunzel was hell bent on revenge ? Forget Disney , forget the Brothers Grimm , say hello to Fairly Wicked Tales - re - imaginings of both fairy tales and fables . Fairly Wicked Tales , a book for adults who harbor the wicked child within . Featuring stories by : Vekah McKeown , Katie Young , Gary W . Olson , Adam Millard , Suzi M , Fay Lee , Matthew Hughes , Jay Wilburn , Robert Holt , Lizz - Ayn Shaarawi , Laura Snapp , Dawn Cartwright , David Matteri , Wilson Geiger , Eugenia Rose , Armand Rosamilia , JP Behrens , Reece A . A . Barnard , Tais Teng , Bennie Newsome , Eric Bakutis , Kostas Pardias , and Hal Bodner I love a good thunderstorm . We don 't enough in the UK , but we were in for a treat in the early hours of this morning . All across the south of the UK ( maybe even further ) we were graced by a mega storm . I 've waited all year for this and hopefully we 're in for some more this weekend too . Here 's hoping . This weekend has been pretty busy and it started on Friday with a hunt for someone to accompany me to the London Film and Comic Convention at Earls Court in London . Would you believe , no one - and I mean NO ONE - could get time off work or make it . How inconsiderate they all had plans ! So on Friday night I thought ' Sod It ' and dragged my step - son along . Tickets for the LFCC could be bought in advance online , but these were taken off sale at the beginning of the week , meaning my last minute decision to attend meant I had to queue and buy at the door . I was okay with this - after all I was going to meet my childhood crush - Monsieur Michael Biehn - you know , the guy from The Terminator who wasn 't Arnold Schwarzenegger . The Terminator was one of the first films I watched that got me hooked on action , and the fact that I thought Michael Biehn as eye - candy made it even better . My secret ? I had it bad . I went through a Teen - Obsession , as you do , so imagine my surprise when I found out he was going to be there ! I could have my photo with him and everything ! I couldn 't pass up an opportunity like that . I may have moved on from those Biehn days , but someone like that still holds a special place somewhere in that grey matter . So I went . I was determined to get his autograph - but my hopes were soon doomed . Guess who else had decided to make an appearance for the first time ? Yep , the big man himself , Mr Stan Lee ! This revelation brought in the hoards , from Marvel fans , StarWars fans , StarTrek , Game of Thrones , you name it . Even the Stay - Puffed Marshmellow Man made an appearance ( this guy 's costume was fantastic ) . And so , a queue to end all queues was formed . For four hours I queued . FOUR HOURS ! ! ! In the sweltering sun ! The guy behind me attends LFCC every year and said he 'd never known it to queue like this . It was ridiculas ! And so we had no option but to blame Stan Lee . Why else would there be so many people ? I was determined though . I wasn 't going to waste those hours , but when I found out that after four hours we were still only half way there , and by the time we made it to the door there was still no guarentee of admission , my hopes began to dwindle . The realisation that when we did finally make it to the doors the place would be closing , I admitted defeat . I was exhausted ! The convention this year was badly planned , the court inside was rammed and hot , and the organiAbsolutely gutted is an understatement . I know there will be many more conventions to attend in the future , but when will another opportunity to meet Michael Biehn arise again ? ' Fairly Wicked Tales ' Is Almost Upon Us . . . It 's been a while in the making but now it 's nearly here . Fairly Wicked Tales ! An anthology of Fairy Tales but with dark twists . I was lucky enough last year to have my submission accepted by Angelic Knight Press , and just last week the cover was finally revealed . I 'm so excited to be a part of this , and the cover I think captures just the right essence of the collection . I 'm playing catch up . We don 't have Sky or any major TV channels . We have Freeview instead which gives you a few extra but nothing special . I don 't watch much TV as a rule so refuse to pay out for something that isn 't really going to get used to its full potential . However , if I get into a TV series , I get into it in a big way , and if it isn 't on Netflix ( a godsend for filmage ) then I buy the DVD and I BINGE ! I 've lost days of my life . I saw the first episode round my sister 's one weekend , and its hooked me left , right and centre . So , if you don 't hear from me in a while it 's because I have my hermit shell in place and the remote in my hand . With 3 seasons available to me , I may be a little while : ) We 're having a good - charitable - day at work today . We 're taking part in the Strawberry Tea fundraiser , raising money for Breast Cancer . Lots of people in the office have baked and as I type half of the office are out in the car park with a BBQ on the go ( I 've just had my fill ) . So even though there 's still work to be done , there 's plenty of food to purchase and consume and lots of fun . I can 't imagine much more being achieved today . And it is Friday anyway . . . What better way to spend a Friday the 13th - and with a full moon thrown into the equation . So , today is a charitable day , and one thing earlier caught my eye that would suit Pic of the Week a treat . Hannah Fraser . Ring any bells ? The model and marine conservationist has been in the headlines quite a bit just recently after dancing with a shoal of tiger sharks in protest against the worldwide killing of marine life , including tiger sharks , a threatened species after the popularity of shark - fin soup . I love sharks . I think they 're a very misunderstood species , as Hannah is proving . Yeah , there was a chance of one taking a bite , and it was a risky photoshoot , but tiger sharks are known for their viciousness and did they take a chunk from her ? No . Maybe this was just luck - or maybe it 's proof that the species on a whole has been stereotyped by the movie Jaws . I 'm not saying we should all go swimming with them and cuddle them - god forbid , but . . . Regardless of what people think , I support Hannah Fraser 100 % for what she 's campaigning against . You can read more from this article . In the meantime , here are two of her pictures . Spread the word of her good work . This fun and interesting thing is going around facebook at the moment . Have you facebook - junkies seen it yet ? : ) I tried it . I typed my date of birth in the above format and I got : Imagine my shock after happily browsing through the news and coming across a headline that read ' Alien Designer , Giger , Dies at 74 ' . A great talent lost . For those who don 't know who Giger is , he designed the Alien for the Aliens series as well as some of the settings and landscapes ; he worked on Dune , AND he designed the famous microphone stand for Jonathan Davies , lead singer of Korn . These are just a few of the things he 's remembered for . I love Banksy . Whenever I take a train ride into London I can 't help but sit back and admire some of the graffiti on the way . Most of it is tagging which looks messy and strongly sits under the term ' Vandalism ' , but then you 'll come across a gem that is fantastic . I know all graffiti is technically vandalism but the art and skill that goes into some of these pieces is often over - looked . It 's a form of art in itself . For those who don 't know , Banksy has recently been in the headlines with his newest piece . He chose to use a door to a boy 's club in Bristol as his canvas . The idea wasn 't to tag the area to say ' I WOZ ' ERE ' so to speak , but to help raise money for the struggling club - a club he apparently attended as a boy ( don 't quote me on that bit ) . I 've only found one face for one of my characters . He 's no one famous . He 's a model for the firm I work for . But as soon as I saw him in those images I My new piece does . This song manages to capture everything about my main character , Reagan , including her sexuality , her darkness and her mysteriousness . I remember when I first heard it . It sucked me in and within an instant I knew it was my soundtrack . I don 't know the in 's and out 's of the song - apparently it was about an ex - girlfriend who was sleeping around - and I 'm not saying the lyrics could have been written for Reagan , but the whole feel of the song and the rhythm . . . Most of us know it was the Oscars last night . I haven 't looked up who won what or who wore ( or didn 't wear ) what , but one thing suddenly jumped to my attention and made me laugh . Judging from my last post , most of you should know I 've become ever - so slightly obsessed with the UK series , Sherlock - and that confession should include not just Sherlock , but Benedict Cumberbatch himself . . . lol . Anyway , what better way to cheer up a dull day than with photos of Cumberbatch photobombing U2 last night . I 'm speechless . . . and not sure if that 's due to the grin on my face or my attempts at suppressing hysterical laughter in the office : ) Hope these cheer your day up as much as they did mine . You can read the full article here : I 've just spent the last few days catching up on Series 1 & 2 of Sherlock with Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman before starting Series 3 for the first time ( all on DVD ) and I 'm hooked . I don 't watch much TV to be honest , which was why I had to recap series 1 & 2 on DVD as there were parts I had missed when they originally ran . And then I got to watch them all back to back . Nothing like a bit of ' binge - watching ' : ) So what do I like about BBC 's Sherlock ? The banter ? The plots ? The characters ? Cumberbatch himself ? All of the above and much more . It 's so well written ( hats off to Mark Gatiss and Steven Moffat ) and the dialogue just flows - and how Cumberbatch manages to say his long stints without faltering is beyond me . I wonder how many takes they really had to do ? Sherlock Series 3 is actually interesting . A writer friend of mine at the moment is worried that her current WIP is too character driven and there 's not much plot . She 's read one star reviews ( on other pieces ) that say ' brilliant characters but no plot ' and she 's worried that she has to change her planning to find a happy medium . But this doesn 't have to be the case - and Sherlock is a great example in my eyes . I can 't falter any of the plots for Sherlock , except the second episode in Series 3 , The Sign of Three ( but then it 's not even a fault ) . This episode is very much character driven , and you know what ? It works . The relationship between Sherlock and Watson is so solid . And you can feel Sherlock 's fear as a third member is introduced to their circle , threatening to change everything . So what I say to my friend - and all others out there struggling with the same issue - is yes , plot is important , but it doesn 't have to be the end all . Character driven pieces work really well too , so don 't let this thought hinder you 're progress . Write what you want to write , and if at the end you feel it doesn 't work , tweak it . But you 'll never know unless it 's written . So on that note , I 've decided to choose two pieces for today 's Pic of the Week . I like them both very much and couldn 't decide which to share : ) The artist is Alicexz over on Deviant art , and over the last few years she 's been building her own gallery of character portraits for the Series . Be sure to go over there and check them out . They 're phenomenal . . . Sherlock He returned a couple of weeks ago - although he 's very shy to give away where he 's been ( probably cavorting with all the other AWOL muses out there . Just where do they go ? ? It 's probably him in the picture , enjoying the attention of all the other female muses , the flirt ! ) Still , I hope he had a good time . I hope it was worth it after the amount of SUFFERING he 's caused . No thought ! No consideration ! And now he 's back , by golly , I 'm gonna make him pay ! I 'm making him work overtime , and with 15k words into my new piece - as well as editing my previous piece - he 's definitely starting to pull his weight . I 'm not letting him get off lightly for going AWOL . So what 's the new piece ? Well , it involves , assassins , romance , danger , everything a good read should have - oh , and a touch of necromancy to darken things a tad . Just the way I like it J Still working on a title though , but I 'm sure that 'll come within time . Have you ever sat down and wondered why it is you choose to write what you write ? Why do you like Crime so much ? Why Romance ? Why Sci - Fi ? Why Comedy ? I 've often reflected on this . Why do I like fantasy so much ? Why do I like to take myself off to strange worlds where mythical things are no longer myth , where danger of the unknown lurks around every corner ? Why can 't my fantasies take me to places in the real world where I can then shape them to my own desires ? Because for me , that would defeat the object of escapism . I can pinpoint the exact moment I wanted to write , and the exact moment I realised it was fantasy . Ok , hands up here who remembers the film ' Flight of Dragons ' ? It 's an old animated film from around 1981 - 82 . Baring in mind I was born in the later part of 1980 , when this film actually came out , I don 't think I would have had much interest , but by the time it made it to VHS , followed by the small screens of our boxed TV sets , I think I would have been around 5 , maybe 6 years old - but obviously at a very impressionable age and more than old enough to realise " Holy crap ! This is awesome stuff ! " I remember watching it . It was a weekend , a sunny day , and I preferred to sit inside than go outside and play with all the other kids ( learning to be unsociable - a necessity for a writer ) . This film was on and I was hooked . For those who haven 't had the pleasure of this film , it 's about a time that lays between magic and logic , where man was beginning to believe in the study of science . This was making the magical folk weak , and so four magical brothers decide to create their own haven , a place where the magical can live without the dangers of science , but the fourth brother decides that he wants mankind to feel the wrath of dark magic , by making them turn against each other , creating war and weapons of mass destruction , yada yada . And so the battle ensues ( although , the film does provide a theory as to how dragons can defy the laws of physics and fly - but I 'll save that for another post ) . I only ever saw this film once , but images of it have been fresh in my mind for years . Haunted by these images , it wasn 't until about two years ago that I hunted this film down . I couldn 't even remember what it was called . All I had to go by where the images in my head . But I found it : ) Anyway , after I watched this film , my mind must have been so consumed with the possibilities of fantasy that I shut myself in my room and began to write . Baring in mind a girl of six would have many distractions - namely toys . The story I had in my head never reached past two or three pages . A year or two passed and these images were still calling me , so I tried again . Still I failed . A few times I tried but the idea trailed off , until one day when I was 10 . I picked up that pen , I wrote and I never stopped . After a year and a half I had my first story . 74 pages long and fully illustrated . I still have this handwritten story locked away in safe keeping . From there , fantasy has always been a huge thing for me . I 've dabbled elsewhere . Throughout my teen years , I wrote drama , thrillers , horrors , but I 've always found myself coming back round to fantasy . It 's who I am . It 's in my blood - although I have no idea where the horror aspect comes from . . . And imagine my surprise when I finally managed to track ' Flight of Dragons ' down a few years back only to discover that I had practically re - written it all those years ago . Good job I had no intention of ever submitting it to agents . . . So what about you ? What made you decide what genre was yours for the conquering ? I 've considered myself a writer since the age of ten , with a passion for horror and fantasy . And when I 'm not writing I 'm either drawing or reading . I 'm never bored , that 's for sure . . .
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May 29 , 2016 | The Nursaholic This is the story of my second child 's birth . My first son MaiTai was born three and a half years ago in a hospital . ( I 'll share details of that tale in a future post ) . I met with CR for a prenatal appointment , one of several that were tacked on after we 'd passed both Julep 's guess date and my predicted date . I have strong feelings about the benefits of declining routine vaginal checks during pregnancy and so I didn 't know what my cervix had been up to by now . CR told me how the law required her to send me for testing by next week if I wasn 't in labor yet . This possibility made me nervous , though I composed myself enough to banish feelings of hopelessness . I opted to get checked after she asked if I 'd be " greatly opposed . " I agreed to a cervical check but specified I didn 't want a membrane sweep . I was 80 % effaced and two centimeters dilated . These numbers could mean something was afoot ! ( Or … nothing was afoot ) . I didn 't think I 'd be happy to know my dilation but surprisingly , it was just the thing I needed to reclaim my confidence . It sold my conscious brain the idea that I 'm not broken and my body does know what to do . On the way home , I randomly decided to treat myself to a manicure . And I mean random - I never get manicures except for weddings . I actually went to the trouble of U - turning and backtracking a mile to make this manicure thing happen . Anyway , the nail technician annoyed the heck out of me . She kept pushing me to buy other services , laughed about how the only time she ever used carseats for her kids was on the way home from the birth hospital , and told me I should look into medication for my sweating condition because my hands were " too wet " for her liking . Shut up and do my nails , thanks . At least MaiTai was behaved . And my fingertips , all fancy and emerald - green … . Winning . My mom picked up MaiTai for her usual weekly babysitting gig . Typically I get things done when she watches him but this time I thought it 'd be a good idea to rest ( rest ? ? I never rest ! ) instead of indulge an uncharacteristic urge to clean the house and stock the fridge . I cozied up on my bed , recreating the same atmosphere I staged every night during pregnancy to fall asleep : ocean wave machine humming , lavender oil sprinkled upon the sheets , body pillow within huggable reach … I visualized opening up . I imagined my uterus was a skirt , that I was stepping over puddles with each contraction and I 'd have to lift my skirt up to cross them . In my mind I saw my cervix pulling up , dilating out , building more and more at the fundus , gaining strength in layers at the top . TDD got home from work . He gave me a relaxing massage and we had sex . Good for labor for many reasons , but no additional shareable details on that , of course … My mom dropped MaiTai off with us . Soon after , TDD left to take MaiTai to Whole Foods . We decided he should leave him with my parents for the night . I wanted so badly to be in labor that I figured if this wasn 't actually labor , I 'd find a way to make it labor . So I managed contractions using my vibrator during this time and , honestly , it was kind of the best idea ever . I also aimlessly meandered around the house before acting on productive energy , putting away dishes and attempting other chores I 'm not normally so motivated to do . I lost a bit of my mucous plug along with either watery discharge or some amniotic fluid . ND asked if things were picking up quickly , but I was in denial that I might be in labor at all so I said it still seemed early . She said she was finishing a job an hour away and it 'd take an hour to get home , shower , and another hour to reach our house . I didn 't want to get her hopes up so I said that would be fine . CR asked if I could still walk and talk through contractions . I couldn 't tell because I 'd been home alone for a while , putzing around , with no one to speak to and not much space for a true walkabout . I joked , " I don 't know , but I 'm still able to text just fine … " ( I 'm not that funny in labor ) . We were trying to figure out all the tasks he 'd need to tackle soon . I tried to help put away the provisions but the contractions rendered me pretty useless . TDD multi - tasked meticulously so I didn 't have to worry about stuff not getting set up ' just so . ' My contractions were 6 - 10 minutes apart , lasting almost a minute . I sat on the birth ball and caught up on computer business . TDD started boiling water to sanitize the placenta bowl . After dinner I bent over , squatted , swiveled my hips with each contraction and moaned . It felt wonderful to moan and move . TDD and I thought we 'd settle down and watch a movie . I was also carrying around my Breastfeeding Goddesses book , wondering if maybe now would be a good time to hang out on the birth ball and flip through it . Based on the intensity of pain of my first birth , I felt things were barely getting started and thought these would be a good ways to hunker down for the long haul . TDD started timing my contractions but he was in charge of various duties so only managed to record a few . The first was fifty - two seconds ; three - ish minutes between this one and the next few . We were unable to time them religiously so he told CR they were about a minute long , every three minutes , " but still random . " She was like … what the heck do you mean , " still random " ? ? Not exactly like that , but she clearly thought we were crazy . So , CR not - so - subtly suggested it might be time for her to head over . CR headed over to assess the situation . She told us that my expected assistant midwife was off - call tonight . TDD and I cracked jokes between contractions , but the ache in my sacrum and hips was constant . I tried not to worry about it . I told TDD I thought I was probably still dilated at a two , so he reiterated to ND that it was okay if she wanted to go home and shower before heading over . CR arrived ( an hour and twenty minutes before Julep would be born ) . She recorded Julep 's heartbeat and took my vitals . She asked again if I 'd be opposed to a cervical check . My ' Birth Preferences Plan ' explained how I 'm not personally on board with routine internal checks during labor and if I did agree to a check , I didn 't want to know the numbers - not the dilation , station , effacement , anything . However , before she came over I told TDD I 'd changed my mind . I figured I was still at a dilation of two and if CR informed me I was a two or more , the number would be good news instead of potentially defeating . I still wasn 't convinced if we were even at the ' point of no return . ' ( Oh boy … ) . She checked me quickly and announced , " You 're a six and 100 % effaced ! " Then to TDD with a hint of urgency , " She 's a six ! You need to call people now . " Then … surprise ! RD showed up ! We 'd previously met when she was a guest speaker at one of our Birth Boot Camp classes . I was so happy to have her with us ! As she stole away into the bedroom to get things set up , TDD flashed me a look that relayed , " How lucky are we ! " Then she asked me to rate my contractions ' level of intensity on a scale of 1 - 10 . I laughed and admitted how I just hated that question and I never know how to answer it . She and RD laughed with me but still prodded for a response . CR offered to rub my back and asked where I felt the ' intensity , ' careful to avoid using the word ' pain . ' ( Semantics are everything to a vulnerable and suggestible laboring woman ) . She used arnica oil , applied counter - pressure to my sacrum ( which was nice ) , and tried the double - hip squeeze ( which sounded great but I hated it enough that I had to recoil away ) . I didn 't feel like I needed to be touched , really . Still , I didn 't tell her she could leave me be . I was afraid if I did , later on I 'd have to ASK for physical support … which would be , like , my worst nightmare . So I accepted the help while it was freely given as it felt lovely , whether vital or not . I said hello , and from my vantage point a foot off the ground , I randomly noticed something - a pair of kitchen scissors hiding under the library shelves . I drew her attention to them and she seemed confused . I wanted to question TDD about why the heck these scissors were stashed under the shelf , but he swept them out of sight before I had a chance to dwell on the sharp object lurking in a baby 's potential crawl space . Sooo … welcome to my labor , SS ? I 'd worried all pregnancy that my ever - calculating left brain would disturb or sabotage my labor . I was surprised that it actually seemed to help me stay present ; it was an anchor , and it became okay to take mental notes of what was happening to me . I knew this would be my last pregnancy , last labor and birth - and I wanted to savor and remember every second . A contraction would move through me and I 'd think , Wow ! This is so interesting ! I 'm used to constantly deliberating and analyzing . So this mode of being is familiar to me . The head chatter never left , yet it seemed to float above the event - I was in birth bliss . Everything I looked at , touched , smelled was enveloped in a haze but I connected to these things with such intimacy . The firm rubber of the birth ball under my thighs felt so good . The cast of my attendants ' auras looked so good . The merciful quench of each sip of water tasted so good . I could absorb it all because I was on the best kind of drugs ever , a cocktail of feel - good hormones swirling within . In earlier labor , a few times I recalled a video I watched wherein a fear - mongering obstetrician described her labor contractions as like a vice grip upon her insides . The memory didn 't frighten me now however ; it made me smile because I had the power to refuse integration of her simile into MY body . I wouldn 't label the sensations as something else - not a vice grip , not relaxing , not lovely , not orgasmic , not as pressure or surges or rushes or waves . ( For the purpose of recollection , I 've tried my best to translate the feelings into words so this story could exist on paper . Only in hindsight , in attempt to find fitting phrases to explain what transpired , did I understand the pure good in all of it . It was all good , a word that could have described any given want , need , exertion ) . I paid attention to the sensations , loved them , knew they came along with my baby who deserved just as much of my attention and love . And the sensations that could 've been unbearably painful instead became unbearably interesting . The book Birthing Without Fear first introduced me to this idea of non - judgmental awareness ( ironically , TDD had simultaneously been studying this as an aspect of nonviolent communication in parenting ) . I 'd been so worried about my labor stalling for some unpredictable reason that TDD and I spent countless hours , weeks , months planning all kinds of ways to revive a weakening labor . CR said since I was dilated to at least a six , I would be fine . It seemed she was tuned into something I wasn 't and I didn 't want to be seen as difficult or naive , so I went with it . On my way to the pool , I visited the bathroom . Everyone else was busy readying things and it was nice to steal away by myself . I had two or three contractions in here - leaning against the sink , the wall , the toilet . I could depend on these structures . They were eminently grounding at exactly the right time . The contractions had suddenly intensified and I felt much progress made by going through them on my own . I managed a few contractions around the perimeter of the pool , then changed into a two - piece bathing suit . CR told me she usually doesn 't have moms wear bottoms in the pool because second - timers tend to go quickly and she didn 't want to have to cut them off . At the time I thought she was being ridiculous but I humored her by removing my bottoms ( as it would soon turn out , I was the ridiculous one ! ) . RD asked TDD if he planned to get in the water with me . He said he didn 't think I wanted him to ( though he had a pair of swim shorts on hand just in case ) . I 'm glad he perceived my wants correctly ; it was a joy having the safe nest of the pool all to myself . I would 've felt pressure to ' share ' my intensity with whomever else entered this watery enclave . TDD was my protector here and so he surveyed the scene without rippling the waters , so to say . I sat into the water and it felt fabulous . I thought , How lucky am I , this is like a spa day ! Except I can be semi - naked and don 't have to wear one of those stupid monogrammed robes ! One contraction caused me to involuntarily spring forward into a splay - legged position on all fours . ( I remained in this position until Julep was nearly born ) . I could 've done the splits and still wouldn 't have felt I was open nearly enough . I wanted so badly to stretch my whole pelvis even wider . This compulsion didn 't intend to relieve pain ( I wasn 't experiencing any ) , it was to enhance what already felt good . My water broke a few contractions after I entered the water . The energy felt like an electric shock and I was , quite literally , shocked by this new development . I watched a tiny chunk of red tissue scuttle off to the left of the pool 's floor . I wondered if anyone had noticed . The thought crossed my mind that maybe I 'd done something wrong , but I hushed that familiar guilt trip and returned to non - judgmental awareness . With my first birth , I 'd felt like an eighteen - wheeler ran me over with each contraction after an unnecessarily high dose of labor - augmenting drug Pitocin was administered . This time , I could 've believed I WAS the eighteen - wheeler , driving somewhere fast . But it made all the difference that I embodied the primal , wild animal , Mother Wolf of myself , not the civilized , working machine . I sensed things were happening much quicker than I expected . I guess my birth team was right ! Thankfully , there was hardly time to panic ; yet also all the time in the world , no rush , no timeline . Plus I was enjoying myself far too much on the way to a swiftly impending conclusion . After my water broke , Julep 's head was in the birth canal . The whole round thing , all of it so suddenly . I remember thinking , What is this power inside me , responsible for making something better than a machine out of my body , that treats me like a revered being to have been chosen for this task ? Where is it even coming from ? I realized how much more in control I felt when I surrendered to this power completely . I felt my pelvis opening up , side to side , causing me to humbly hesitate . I wondered how much more intense this would get . I didn 't want to break my rhythm by allowing fear to be an option . So I chose to love this feeling . Oh God , more of this , more of this , I told myself . ( Though of course , out loud it became " Ohhhh - ggg , ahhhhhhhhh - AHHH . " ) ND arrived ( ten minutes before Julep would be born ) . I was so wrapped up in what I was doing that I didn 't even notice her sidle up to the pool - I didn 't ' see ' anyone else in the room either . Birth blinders , if you will . I only felt their warm presence and heard their gentle guidance , but that was more than enough . By this point , the contractions moved through me like waves one on top of another . I was overcome by an instinct to submerge my head under the water , but I focused really hard on holding myself back from doing so . Logic reminded me that I couldn 't be sure of the safety implications of heading underwater . Part of one of the birth stories in the book Ina May Gaskin 's Guide to Childbirth had stuck with me . The story 's author described how she imagined riding her contractions like a horse . I know the push - pull feeling of riding a horse , the joy and power of commandeering this massive , beautiful creature and the fear that comes when he begins to canter , then gallop , faster and stronger until it seems he may very well throw you to the ground . You can either grip tight in a panic , making the most torturous doom of this ride , or you can simply trust you won 't fall . You can trust that the horse 's seemingly out - of - control rhythm is exactly what it 'll take to reach your destination . So I recreated this journey in my head as I sat in the water straddling an imaginary charging horse . I couldn 't tell if everyone was aware that Julep was coming out now or if they still thought we were in some intermediate phase . They offered gentle affirmations ( " You 're doing so good , Holly " ) and seemed way too calm to know this was IT . But I figured , they see this kind of thing everyday , I suppose they shouldn 't be terrifically bowled over . I don 't know why , but I didn 't want anyone to know what was happening . I very strongly didn 't want to note every new development out loud . This was not a sporting event where I would be the announcer of play - by - plays . It was far too personal , far more inviolable than that . I realized my vocalizations had run away on a leash of their own into a high pitch , potentially wasting energy upward instead of sending vibrations downward with the baby . The gentle " stay low " prompts worked like the perfect switch , enabling me to dial my tones down instantly . Ahhh noises were more likely to elicit a high tone while ohhh ones allowed for a more effective guttural sound . I kept my mouth open as wide as I could . It must have looked like my jaw was unhinged , but it felt like an essential thing to do . This helped send an abundance of tension out of and away from my body . ( The throat chakra is intimately connected to the sacral chakra ; this pathway 's opening helps the cervix open , too ) . I hadn 't intended to play music during my birthing time , but now asked TDD to put on " something . " The stillness of the room as everyone awaited my progression would soon make me uneasy , a bit like a ' watched pot , ' without some distraction in the air . Music it is ! Radiohead was playing from TDD 's phone a majority of the time I was in the pool . Unplanned fate called for Julep to be born to the song " Weird Fishes / Arpeggi " and he emerged at the lyric " I 'll hit the bottom / Hit the bottom and escape . " ( Seriously . Lyrics here ) . I grabbed my stretching vulva and perineum with each wave of energy that opened me up more and impelled Julep down further . The well - acquainted pressure of my own touch was enough to help me discern where the stretching was happening so I could support the expanding tissues . I could tell my body was channeling him out quickly . And his head … it was already there ! I felt the softness of his skin and the fuzz of his hair . I was obsessed with the way the top of his crowning head felt and didn 't want to stop holding it . Never did I think or say " I want drugs " or " I can 't do it anymore . " I felt no pain , but the fullness was enormous . I do remember thinking as I cupped his crowning head , HOW am I going to finish doing this ? With each new wave , I was overwhelmed by the excess . And so ecstatic . I wasn 't worried ( as is typical for me ) . I was amazed that he was coming out on his own without me needing to push at all . As I straddled the pool 's floor , I let him press beyond me . I know in this stage , it 's common for babies to move one step forward , two steps back for a while before it seems any ' real ' progress has been made . But he kept swelling forward the whole time , and I remember being elated about this . Relax , breathe , feel the earth - do nothing extra . In breathing him down , I realized the importance of breath as a tool here . Heave and release of the diaphragm , no coached rhythm needed , just natural draws and exhales . So simple , so effective ! I really couldn 't believe it . It was like meditating him into the world ( albeit quite loudly ) . In one moment , I felt Julep kick me from the inside . His whole body , from shoulders to toes , wiggled inside the birth canal right before the contraction that would bring his head out completely . It was a wild , incredible feeling . Apparently , no one even knew I 'd been fully dilated and had spent all this time in the pool not just moving Julep down , but also OUT ! I was pretty amused by this . And secretly thrilled that no one had to inform me I was ' complete , ' ' fully dilated , ' or ' ready to push . ' " The head is out . The head is out , " CR stated matter - of - factly to the others behind her . To me she tenderly cooed , " There 's your head ! " I had originally wanted the chance to see in a hand mirror the reflection of Julep crowning , but it was too late for that . Instead they offered it now so I could get a good peek at his head fully exposed . I saw his vernix - covered head and it was exactly what I expected : raw , real , gorgeous . CR whisked her hand around Julep 's neck and informed me she was checking whether the cord was wrapped around it . I didn 't like that pokey feeling at all so I tried to push her hand away . I thought I said " No " or " Stop " but only managed a groan . Thankfully she was still able to conclude that the cord appeared to be clear of his neck . I couldn 't admire the backside of his head for too long because soon RD told me to get up on my knees . I was crouched too low to be able to easily deliver the rest of Julep 's body . Though I felt quite inflexible at this point and wanted nothing more than to rest in this position indefinitely , I somehow shifted onto my knees in pause for a contraction to bring him down further . It was incredible to hold him , but it seemed like I had a memory of what this would be like before it even happened . I recognized Julep instantly . Yes , you 're my baby ! I know you . Then TDD swooped in for a kiss . Yes , this is my family ! We are complete . He stayed by my side with one arm around my shoulder and a hand on Julep while CR and the others debated whether he 'd be given an Apgar score of nine or ten ( she went with the latter ) . Then TDD suggested someone bring over coconut water in orange juice , which ND held for me at the edge of the pool . The birth team laughed about how they had no idea Julep had been crowning . CR asked when my water had broken and I admitted it happened a while back . Surprise ! Now , things weren 't quite over . I remember holding Julep above my heart and thinking how weird his slimy cord felt stretched taut across my curved belly , tethered into the opening between my legs . I wanted Julep to remain attached to his placenta for as long as possible to preserve all his blood , some of which still pulsed through his cord . So , we intended to wait for the placenta to release on its own instead of dragging , tugging , or drugging it out . CR asked if I felt cramps . I could hardly focus at this point - I felt drunk ! I said I didn 't feel contractions , but maybe my bottom was sore ? The amount of blood in the pool was normal for a while until … a shock of red . No one showed concern . CR said it could just be the placenta starting to detach . She felt the cord to determine whether it was starting to lengthen ( she assured me she wouldn 't apply traction , which I didn 't want because it can be dangerous ) . I didn 't like the cord being held but I was too fixated on catching the next contraction to say so . Julep was in a state of quiet alertness during this time . He let out a brief wail just after CR felt for the placenta and then said , " It 's ready . It 's right there . " They suggested I try to deliver the placenta on the bed . They helped me stand up , with Julep clutched to my chest , and the placenta fell out immediately as I hovered above the water . CR caught the slippery organ in her hands before setting it into its designated stainless steel bowl held by ND . A few trailing membranes refused to release so I tried coughing them out . CR snipped the rest ( they would pass later in my postpartum lochia ) . For the next few hours , that placenta bowl stayed in close company with Julep , who was attached to it by a foot - long cord , and attached to me by skin - to - skin bond . TDD broke out the essential oils and massaged them into my feet . CR took my vitals and checked my bottom . Though I didn 't tear with my first birth , I figured it just happens sometimes and tears have their way of mending themselves . So I hadn 't been afraid of tearing . Thankfully my parts were spared from damage yet again . Julep latched for the first time and I remember the feeling was … beautiful . It felt right . Memories of MaiTai 's first latch attempts in the hospital three and a half years ago came flooding back . Was I really doing this again ? How lucky am I ! And what work we have ahead of us … The first nursing latches are so special . Hope , vulnerability , wanting , delicacy , strength … all present here . I 'm glad I was able to capture the preciousness of these moments after both of my births . The fresh postpartum is a time of great relief and , incidentally , also a blur . A short time later , it became clear that Julep wasn 't yet able to relax as easily as he should and his breathing was abnormally fast . A respiration count concluded he had transient tachypnea ( TTN ) , a respiratory problem that presents in some newborns after delivery . The abnormally rapid breathing is thought to be either due to extra fluid retained in the lungs or a surfactant deficiency in the lungs if born before term . ( The condition isn 't life - threatening and tends to resolve itself within twenty four hours ) . After nursing , skin - to - skin time with TDD , taking the granules , and group prayers to bring calming energy to our baby , his respirations landed right under the acceptable level and then normalized . The process took about thirty minutes to an hour . CR also had to pat Julep 's back to move out any extra fluid ( it didn 't seem there was any , however ) . My parents dropped off MaiTai at half past midnight . TDD met him at the door to explain how Julep had just been born . He prepared him for their first meeting , telling him who was in the house with us and how we were all trying to be quiet . Because MaiTai had fallen asleep in the car ride to our home , TDD gave him a honey stick to wake him up a bit . MaiTai was very excited to meet his baby brother , and I was so happy to have him here . I 'd missed him . I was a bit sad he hadn 't been present to witness his brother 's birth , however I knew I 'd have been too distracted with his needs on my mind . We had no ibuprofen in house . I don 't normally take medication for pain but , first , this was a special occasion and , second , the postpartum contractions were much tighter and more forceful than I remembered after my first birth ! Yowch . Julep passed his meconium twice and , of course , MaiTai giggled . TDD brought Julep to the end of the bed to assist with newborn measurements . From his notes : " I 'm happy I was holding him as much as I could in between measurements so that he would have constant family contact . " In fact , overall Julep was a larger baby than I expected , especially given my own petite frame . He was 1 pound and 10 . 5 ounces heavier than MaiTai was at birth . My vegan baby Julep was 7 pounds , 6 . 5 ounces ( after passing meconium ) . Someone set up candles in my bathroom and steeped sitz herbs to draw up a warm bath for me and Julep ( anyone want to admit to this flagrant display of thoughtfulness ? Speak now … ) . We soaked in there for about twenty minutes until Julep got upset around the time the water began to cool . Huh ? My ' overdue ' baby might have been … ' early ' ? She said he was a bit of a mix with some indications of an immature baby and some suggesting he suited his guess date ( in perfect health either way ) . I suppose it 'll forever be a mystery exactly how long my womb carried him ! I appreciated how attentive everyone was to our family during this transition time . They cleaned up leaked blood as I walked to the bathroom ; candles magically appeared where they thought I might like them ; dirty laundry was relocated into the laundry room and out of sight ; they toweled me off after my bath so I wouldn 't have to bend over . They intuitively knew what I needed without me having to ask for it ( or as in my first birth , to fight for it ) . Moments that could 've robbed me of dignity or modesty were touched with kid - gloves ( rather , mother - gloves ) . I wasn 't handled like a hazard . In fact I wasn 't handled at all , I was treated - like I deserved the moon and stars for bringing a child here from a universe in between . From TDD 's notes : " One of CR 's first comments was how she knows a lot of women who would have loved to have had a birth like that . Very peaceful , very in control . A lot of positivity , good vibes , and girl power here , everyone knew their job and did it wonderfully . " Upon trying to leave , ND discovered her van 's tire was flat . Alas she was stranded until her husband could pick her up and had to put the placenta on ice . ( Thanks a lot , Mercury retrograde ! And the influence of five other retrogrades slowing things down everywhere … ) . She also watched MaiTai while we finished up housekeeping business and records with the midwives . MaiTai has quite a nose for trustworthy people ( rather , untrustworthy ones ) and he took to ND easily , of course . Finally , the house to ourselves ! And a plate of delicious vegan sushi , summer rolls , and fresh fruit calling my name ! TDD put MaiTai to bed quite easily . It was a big day for all of us . TDD and I had a long conversation about everything that transpired . We were advised to count as many sheep as we could during the remaining hours of Julep 's recovery sleep , especially since he 'd squeezed in most of his rest before the birth team left . By the time TDD and I finished talking he was awake , bushy - tailed , and rooting for a breast . Oh well ! We haven 't really slept since MaiTai was born , what 's one more night ? I breastfed my fresh , birth - musky baby while TDD napped . From across the room , I heard my iPod playing my Birth Music ever so faintly through the headphones . It was a living artifact , the last remnant of our birthing time that seemed so , so long ago already . What I felt in reality was so much bigger than how it appeared through a lens . On film , the scene looked so … small . Contained . Tangible , like you could trace lines around it . Through my own eyes at the birth , everything within reach was buzzing and soft . I realized new things from the video , which was as close to the perspective of my birth circle as could be . I hadn 't noticed how tired everyone seemed ( birth workers are HARD workers ! ) . It was late after all , and on the heels of a full day of work for everyone . I hadn 't noticed how my vocalizations in the pool were what I might describe as the drawn - out whimpers of a grieving animal . In my mind I imagined the noises to be sing - songy and delightful to the ear ( sadly not actually the case ) . On video it did sound as if I 'd been aggressively tickled for hours on end and it was hard to tell between the serious look on my face and my moans whether I was actually a willing participant in this game of over - stimulation . A more experienced listener , however , might better interpret my labor voice as indulged and gratified . During my birthing period I waited to be transported to the infamous ' labor land , ' that time and place where there really is no time or place . I remember feeling a bit disappointed that it had apparently eluded me . Until I watched the video , I didn 't realize I 'd actually been there for quite some time though I felt surprisingly in control . I didn 't need TDD or anyone else in the way I thought . I expected to want an incredible amount of physical support , natural pain management methods like massage , rebozo sifting and more , and a lot of reassurance ' when ' I 'd inevitably beg to go to the hospital for stronger relief . But I didn 't want . I didn 't beg . It was surprisingly easy to trust in myself , in the willingness ( nay , desire ) to surrender , and to embrace my passion for the process of giving birth , becoming birth - it was not happening to me , after all . Though this typed reminiscence indicates otherwise , the actual experience was not split into discernible parts . It was as fluid as the water into which Julep was born . What could be more organic than one 's arrival upon Earth ? A woman 's first birth is decidedly a rite of passage - into womanhood , motherhood . I believe subsequent births are , too , but already being a mother , now a passage to where ? Into what ? The lessons that come with these soul contracts might rest in mystery until hindsight can better explain . My first birth taught me I can handle so much more than I used to believe . I was made a warrior . I felt like I 'd been to war , but in this challenge I was not defeated . My second taught me I can manifest anything my heart truly desires . I was made a goddess . I 'd participated in a miracle , so extraordinary it cannot be repeated . Attachment Parenting Birth Events Natural Baby Natural Birth Newborn Nursing Photos Stories birthbirth boot campbirth photographybirth photosbirth storybirthingbreastfeedingchildbirthcord burningecstatic birthherbal bathhome birthhomebirthhomebirthingnatural birthorgasmic birthplacentapleasurable birthsecond babysecond birthunmedicated birthvaginal birthwater birthwaterbirth One thought on " Julep 's Water Birth at Home " Christina says : May 29 , 2016 at 4 : 48 pm Beautiful . Welcome again earthside baby Julep ! Holly . You are amazing . Thank you for sharing your story . I 'm so glad it was what you needed . Milk Drunk Recipes " Get Away From Me ! I Love You . " ( Alas , nursing aversion has found us ) This Is Your Brain On Breastfeeding The Most Beautiful Quotes About Breastfeeding Post navigation
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Yesterday afternoon shouts of joy erupted in this house . We had been waiting for weeks for snow to fall . We had watched the snow line creep down the hills around our home , so white , so beautiful . Even months ago when we were still living in Southern California , snow was the talk of the family . When people would ask our kids if they were excited about moving , they would reply with an affirmative " YES ! Because it snows there ! " . My kids have only seen snow once . In what felt like a miraculous , once every 25 years moment , we had snow in Southern California on a new year 's eve in the middle of the night . We woke up the kids so they could see it and experience it . That was two years ago and it didn 't stick around long . Yesterday was the first . The first snowflakes fell , gently , swirling tiny snowflakes . The excitement was loud and wild . We all stood by the window and soon spilled out the sliding glass door to experience it . Snowflakes on the face . There is nothing like it . It 's true that this will soon be normal and perhaps we will be weary of snow and winter . For now it is new and so magical . I love watching my babies encounter the gloriousness of it . I sat in the quiet hours this morning , reading , praying , connecting , indeed coming to Jesus in weakness . There is so much that I don 't have nailed down , so much growing that I have to do . As I came to Him this morning , He didn 't want to talk about that . He wanted to tell me about His love . He spoke to me about how His love will never be exhausted , how I will never come to the end of it . How it will always hold wonder and how it is like a vast expanse of territory that I get to explore . It 's ever present . It 's for now , for this moment and for every moment that will come my way today . Funny how I come to Him and want to review my failings . He wants to enfold me in joy . He wants me to walk as a care - free child experiencing snow for the first time . Even today . Even in the grown up world I live in that has real problems , where the world around me holds real suffering and real hard things . Even in this world I can experience His love , I can flesh it out , I can explore it . It never runs dry . It fills me up to overflow so it can spill into the lives of others . It 's so simple . I don 't have to try harder to be better , to be more . All He asks of me is that I surrender to His love . All the other things of growing and becoming are fruit of reveling in His love . If today finds you tired and weary , I invite you lift your face . Experience the snowflakes of His love . Swirling around , so gentle . Let Him sing over you . He is so for you . He is all around you . He has depths of love that you have never seen . Share this : FacebookGoogleTwitterPinterestMoreEmailPrint Posted in God 's love , Motherhood 4 Comments I read this verse yesterday in my quiet time . It 's so startlingly simple . In one sentence the world is turned upside down . My darkness becomes radiant light . Not by my lifework , my contribution to mankind , not by working really hard or by running 1000 miles , but by believing . Seriously ? Simply believing , changes everything . I am made right with God when I believe that Jesus sacrificed His life , shedding His blood . This is the cornerstone for my life as a Christ follower . Because out of the craziness of that truth - that I am made right out of believing - comes everything else . If I let go of simple trust in the encompassing work of Jesus to make me right with God , I immediately lean into works and what I see and feel . I sink into the mentality of the world around me which lives only by sight and not by faith . And it 's so dreary there . This faith thing is so tantalizing to me ! I am intrigued because it so doesn 't come naturally to me . It 's believing in the face of what may feel like all odds against me . Feelings . They make life glorious and complicated . So often nothing I " feel " encourages me to have faith . So often nothing I " see " encourages me to have faith . Yet stepping forward in that very moment is the essence of faith . I long for this . I love this ! God is such a life giver , a river of life ! I love that about Him ! I am so thankful for it ! Because the world around us is so broken and dying and dark . He sweeps in with light and all that is good and brings this mighty wind of hope . I breathe it in and am changed . When I breathe out I breathe out His life . Believing where you cannot see and especially where you cannot feel . This is the meat of the Christian life . I have thought , somehow , that it laid in clenching your eyes closed , knowing the onslaught of life would come and somehow you just have to survive until the end when you get to go to heaven . But this picture is different . He calls us to be life givers . Rivers of life . When I have my eyes clenched closed I can 't see the people around me much less see their need . When I am only braced to survive , I can 't live from a place of power . I am a victim instead . So He calls me to believe . He calls me to look for Him and what He is doing , His kingdom coming . He asks me to take action as I believe , stepping forward when it feels counter to my instincts . He calls me to see and speak out and expect His goodness . This is faith . The expectation of His goodness . Today is your first day of 1st grade . It feels so much easier than last year to know you will wake up , eat breakfast , put your clothes on and head out the door to school . I know more about this school thing and what it looks like . I 'm thankful for that . You , of course , are excited as ever . You have missed your friends and all that school is . You are planning to wear the same dress you wore the first day of kindergarten , though it is considerably shorter on you and you will need to wear leggings . It is still your favorite dress . You learned how to read in kindergarten and now love LOVE to read . You proudly declare , to anyone who will listen , that you can read CHAPTER books . I love to walk by your room and see you cozied up with a book . I hope you always love to read and that you continue to be a life long learner . Books are such a gift . What hasn 't changed about this year is that I will miss you . I have loved this summer with you at home . You and the boys have built endless forts , done 3 , 000 drawing / color fests ( but seriously . What do we do with all of the masterpieces ? ) , and of course had many many fights . I won 't miss the fights . I will miss the sweetness you bring , the good ideas you have , and just your presence . You lost approximately 7 teeth over the summer , leaving your smile gappy and adorable . You also learned how to whistle ( perhaps from the extreme tooth exodus ? ) Your eyes still reflect every emotion you feel and it 's so fun to watch you tell a story because you are so expressive . You and Judah were in a wedding a few weeks ago and you had the best time . You both looked adorable in your wedding wear and you took your petal distributing job very seriously . At the reception they had lots of dancing which you and Judah also loved . You were out there with the other flower girl having a wonderful time on the dance floor . When the time came for the Parent / bride / groom dances I was in the back trying to keep Annalise quiet . She and I swayed at the back and I found myself glimpsing something that had such depths and that I had never noticed before . Parents saying goodbye to a season . I couldn 't actually look too long because the lump in my throat was so big . It 's all so good ! It 's so good and right for children to grow and become adults and get married . But as I stood there in the back , listening to the words of the song : I had to turn away . This parenting thing is so crazy ! The love I feel inside for you is so big . It 's such a gift to be your mama , to have this time with you . I can 't lose perspective in the everyday . I can 't forget that my time with you in this season is limited . I cherish you baby girl . So help me , I promise to let you go when the time is right . I 'm thankful I have some years before I have my turn watching you dance with daddy on that special someday . For now my heart can hardly handle the thought . And that 's okay . From now until then I 'm going to LOVE this season the way you love reading chapter books . I 'm going to soak in the sparkle in your eyes and the gaps in your teeth . I 'm going to snuggle you close as much as I can and learn to trust Jesus even more as you have opportunities to fly . I truly know that seasons are part of the beauty of life . This one feels wrapped around my heart in such a way that I can 't explain . I 'll embrace it . I 'll embrace the lump in my throat and the tears on my cheeks as I write this because it 's evidence of beauty of motherhood . Made to love and protect with our very breath . Made to raise them to fullness and step back and let them go . The diamond tears are okay , the beautiful hurt a memorial stone . I love you baby girl . Maybe someday you will call me as your baby heads out the door to school and you and we can laugh and cry together and I will tell you it 's okay to cry , but it 's also so good to laugh and embrace the beauty of the moment . Is it appropriate to write for an audience ? Is there a time and place for that ? Or should I only ever write because my heart longs to give words to what is inside . I long to read what I feel - like I can 't quite understand or have clarity until I have encased it in words . I 'm not going to lie . This is a bit of a paradox . To truly write well and to be free in writing I must write for that last mentioned reason . And often when you offer your heart encased in words your audience responds positively because they can connect . But my writing isn 't pure or right when I am motivated by people . So how do I keep the freedom and the purity ? It has to be by writing everyday and writing what is inside and choosing to not follow the stat trends and people - response . This is hard for me . It doesn 't come naturally . I like to know how people are responding . However , I know if I am led by the cause of pleasing people that I will eventually stop writing . My purpose will ebb and flow like the tide and it will cease to actually reach people . It becomes manufactured and faux . We must do our work for a greater cause . We must create out of freedom . We must reach past our audience and fans and critics and step deeper in the actual calling . We are all called to create . Creating innately gives us a deep sense of fulfillment , but also fills a hole in the world around us . Lives can be touched and changed by our willingness to create and share that creativity with the world around us . However God has called you to create must be done at a level deeper than the shallow end of the pool where your feet touch and all applaud . We must venture to the place where it takes faith to move forward . We have to paddle awkwardly sometimes and there may be a time where it feels frantic . We may have seasons where no one watches or if they are watching they are not applauding but rather booing or naysaying . Risk . The idea both enlivens me and terrifies me . I 'm reading this book by Robby Dawkins called " do what Jesus did " and it 's challenging me . This quote : " Faith is simply one step of certainty against the onslaught of uncertainty . The question isn 't , are we willing to die for Christ ? The question is , are we willing to live a life of risk for Him ? " - Robby Dawkins I kind of prefer the no - risk side of the tracks . Maybe it 's because I 'm a mom and I feel this innate need to keep my kids safe . The no - risk side of the tracks is predictable - I know what to expect here . It seems safe and I feel comfortable . However . There is a miserable boring - ness here . I know that truly saying yes to Jesus will take me places I never dreamed I would go . I know that saying yes to Jesus means " No reserves , no retreats no regrets " . ( A quote from Bill Borden - Thank you Robby Dawkins ) No reserves . This means I let Jesus have all of my heart . I give Him access to all . His healing seeps into every part . I hold nothing back . I am a middle aged stay at home mom with 4 littles . Some days I don 't even step outside the house . My world feels very small at times . But there is still something in this risk idea that is beckoning to me . I can risk with Jesus . I can put my hand in His and say " yes " . Yes to time in His presence . Yes to hearing His voice . Yes to what He asks of me . Filled so full that serving others is natural . Loved so deeply that letting go of all that I hold dear is instinct . I love this upside down kingdom so much . It confuses and overwhelms me in such a good way . Let go of your life and you will find it . Wash others feet and you will be great in the kingdom . If you want to be first , be content to be last and be a servant to all . Come to Jesus like a child - in simple faith instead of an important - in - your - own eyes person . Today marks 13 years since my mom passed away . Death anniversaries are hard . For me they are full of painful memories from that July day . Last moments with one of the people that has left the greatest mark on my life . When I realized that today was the day , something different settled over me . There will always be grief . I will always miss her until I see her face again . This means tears of sadness and sometimes wracking sobs . But today also marks a celebration . A finish line . A graduation . She is home . She ran the race , she finished well and now - now she sees fully . She gets to spend every moment in the Presence of Perfect Love . She has no wish to come back ! She is complete and missing nothing . Her journey spurs me on . It reminds me of what is true . It 's true that we are living for eternity . This life is but a second and the end is so beautiful ! Sometimes I forget . Sometimes I cling so tight to what I cannot hold on to : this life ! Clinging so tight creates fear and anxiety as I can 't actually attain or control earthly - forever - living . As I thought on this today it became so clear in my heart . My grief is not diminished by this celebration . Rather I feel that it 's just suiting today , to remember the glory . And to remember what lays in front of me . I want to let go more , live harder and love better because the best is yet to come ! I watch them . Their delight and joy in simple things . The lack of fear or dread of the future . My kids live in the moment . All in the moment . They take my word and believe it . I crave this simplicity . I want it ! It is offered to me ! Jesus offers to me to live with the faith , joy , fearlessness of a child . A child isn 't usually fearless because they are so strong and armoured and battle savvy . A child is fearless because Daddy holds their hand . Because Daddy fights for them . Because Daddy is their resource . I have felt so weighted . I have felt like I had to protect my heart and always be on alert for new sources of pain . I have felt like I had to do whatever I could to foresee pain - as if somehow seeing it coming will help the blow . The anticipation of possible pain is tormenting and no way to live ! I have the best husband . When I was in labor with baby number 3 , I had all the monitors attached to my belly and we could see the contractions charting on the screen . As I was waiting not - so - patiently for my epidural , my sweet husband , who loves gadgety things was watching the monitors . Every time a contraction would start he would comment and tell me what type it looked like . " Oh man - this is a BIG one coming ! " . This commentary , though ever so helpfully intended , was not helping my laboring process ! The anticipation of contraction strength didn 't make my laboring easier . Nor does anticipating pain in my life . When my kids get hurt , they trust mom and dad to get them whatever they need . Whether that is a band - aid or to a dr for open heart surgery . So does our Daddy . My Abba is the best daddy . So I want to trust Him more . I want to live in childlike joy and simplicity because He is so good . All of this is offered to me . Will I step into it today in faith ? Freedom , peace , healing , everything I need , because He is my Daddy and He is with me . Mom . Today is your 62nd birthday . I think of you today in heaven . I know that time isn 't a big deal there but I wonder if you know that today is special for me . Special because you were born today . What an impact you have had . You are my most tangible experience with love ever . You showed me what it meant to serve other people , you quietly laid down your life for the people around you . I never questioned what love meant because I had you every day . I 'm so very thankful for that ! I am sitting at a table surrounded by 3 of your grandbabies . We talked about heaven yesterday and how when we get there , that you will probably be running to meet them . Your love for your kids and grandkids is so beautiful ! I wanted to stop and tell you . I want to tell you that i am happy . That the " good news " of Jesus that you told me about and lived out - it really is the best news I have ever heard . I want you to know that Jesus is healing my heart . I want you to know that I remember you and that I still hate cancer , but I am coming to KNOW in my heart that Jesus does too . He sits with me in my pain . He doesn 't try to squish it down or cover it up or speak it away . He just sits with me in it . And reveals truth . And brings hope and healing . This week He reminded me so clearly that the day is coming when all the cancer and MS and infant death and - all the pain - it will all end . That day is coming ! IT ' S COMING ! It has already come for you ! I want you to know that your legacy lives on . Beautiful mama . I miss your beautiful hands . I miss hearing you sing . I miss your baked bread and your phone calls . I miss having coffee with you and laughing till we cried . I regret the way I treated you as a young adult . I thought i knew so much . I wish i would have honored you more . I remember many times I bulldozed over your thoughts . I 'm so sorry ! Thank you for loving me so well , so graciously , even then . Thank you for your sweet love . You are so missed . In the deep aching way that doesn 't have words . And yet heaven awaits us . Where we will have eternity to share ! To worship , to laugh , to drink coffee ? Glory ! So until then , I will honor you . I will honor you by eating almond joys and almond roca , and laying down my life more . I will honor you by loving my babies and telling them about Jesus . And you . I will honor you by singing and drinking coffee and laughing until i cry . I will honor you sometimes by weeping sometimes . I will honor you by baking bread , and growing plants and reading the Word . I will honor you by using my voice to speak what God has given me to say . You are so loved and celebrated today . Share this : FacebookGoogleTwitterPinterestMoreEmailPrint Posted in Grief , Uncategorized 6 Comments My sweet Grammie slipped home yesterday . It 's hard to process what this means . Our minds don 't seem to be equipped to understand death . How someone can be so present and real and then truly absent from their earthly body ? As my Grandma lay in that hospital bed the last few days she was surrounded by those she loved best . They kept vigil with her through a day , a very long night and another very long day . It is so right to be surrounded by those you love as you step out of your earthly body . My Grandma lived a wonderful full long life . There is no sense of days being cut short , but more a beauty of a life well lived . My Grandpa passed away three years before and the thought of joyous reunion is so glorious . As natural people , when we think of heaven , our minds go to those we know who have gone before . But lets be real . All of those people take a back seat when it comes to being face to face with the One who loves us the most and gave everything so that we could live forever with Him . I can only imagine it was the thing that completed Grammie . What incredible satisfaction and fullness to be with Him ! And here we wait . Us left behind . I indeed wept this week . Not as much for Grammie , but more for the ones she leaves . Saying goodbye , even for a season , is so hard . It felt impossible to me . I couldn 't say goodbye to my mom . A mother fills a place in you that no one else can . She is made to be a constant place of safety and protection . She is also made to speak truth - hard truth and yet life giving truth . She is the one you call and can call for no reason at all , or in the worst of times when all you have is deep sobs . So I ache for my dad . I ache for my aunts as they walk this road . It is paved with goodness as my Grammie loved them all fiercely and loyally . It is paved with sweet memories and funny ones , and they now will live with a mother shaped hole . In the best way possible . They have been loved so well . They will miss so well because of that love . And indeed it is not a forever separation . Oh the crazy joy that is set before us ! Because . wow . Jesus . and everyone else will be sweet details to the incredible fullness we will know being with Him . What joy . What JOY we have . What hope ! And in the mean time we will allow the achiI found that with my own Mom I couldn 't say goodbye in those last moments . There were no words . But in that hour after she passed i snuck back to her bedside and said all the things . All the things were really quite simple . How much I loved her and how deeply thankful I was for her love . Her love made me . In so many ways . Her love still gives me strength . I said goodbye to a shell . I said goodbye after she was gone because somehow when her spirit remained I knew it was never goodbye . It was just a " see you soon " . So Grammie . I never said goodbye either . But what I want to say is that i love you and I am so thankful for the beautiful family you built and loved . Thank you for being such a strong woman and for loving Jesus with your life . Thank you for speaking of Him often . It is ingrained my head . We will miss you so . We will miss your pink nail polish and your beautiful hands and the glint in your eyes . We will miss the parcheesi games and the laughs and the smell of your perfume . I can 't wait to see you soon . Say hi to Mom , and Grandpa and baby Zeke and above all enjoy Him . We can 't wait to join the party . You start kindergarten 2 weeks from tomorrow . Yesterday we went on the much anticipated " girls of the house " shopping trip to buy your school things . ( your words ) You kept saying in the days leading up to it " I CAN ' T WAIT TO GO SHOPPING ! " your brown eyes sparkling with excitement , and you counted the sleeps down . Yesterday morning I woke up feeling heavy . There is a very real grief I feel inside as I look at the weeks ahead and see the change that is coming . Our mornings will look different as we will start waking you up early so you can be at school by 8 : 30 . Of all of our kids , you tend to sleep the latest , so waking you up will be a new thing . You are such a help to me sweet girl . I know I count on you more then I know and I will miss your presence during the day . I cried silent tears while getting ready yesterday . We did have a fabulous time you know . Us girls . Annalise wore a bow in honor of the occasion and you looked adorable in your jean skirt and fairy top . When did your legs get so long ? My precious pudgy baby has turned into a tall beautiful girl . We first went to walmart where we perused the school supply aisles and did several circles around the store trying to find everything on our list . Did I mention that you made your own picture shopping list ? On it were underwear , disposable bento boxes and hair ties . You did lovely pictures complete with check boxes . After a somewhat exhausting round at Walmart where I decided shopping online would be more efficient , we headed to the mall . We were hungry so we hit " Red Robins " first . ( Again your words . You also call McDonalds " Old McDonalds " and commercials " commercianals " and I love it so much ) They sat us in the smallest booth they had , but you wanted to sit on the same side , so we snuggled in while Annalise slept in her carseat . You ordered pizza and fruit salad ( first time varying from your mac and cheese routine at Red Robin ) and we chatted while we waited for our food . You told me you were the most excited to do art projects at school . When our food came you lounged quite comfortably almost laying down in our tiny seat , which was quite a feat . You were very pleased with your pizza , insisting i try a bite and then asking me if I would order it next time for myself because it was so delicious . Red Robins After eating , we headed into the mall . Old Navy had adorable dresses as did H & M . I offered you 2 adorable dress choices and you couldn 't choose . You asked me to give you a horrible dress option and an adorable dress option to make the choice easier . I couldn 't find a horrible enough option as everything was adorable , so you finally chose the black and white striped swing dress and declared it your favorite purchase of everything we bought . On the way out we went back through H & M to take the elevator back down and you BEGGED to ride the escalator . I had Annalise in the stroller so I couldn 't ride it - so we decided you could ride it alone . We talked through getting off and where to go to run around to the other side so you could come back up . I promised I would be at the top when you came up . You were beyond excited and didn 't hesitate for a second getting on . Your technique was slightly terrifying as you didn 't actually reach up to hold on as you were stepping on . You wobbled for a second as you adjusted to the movement and then reached for the rail . I sighed with relief and then powered over to the other side to watch your progress . You got off at the bottom and dashed around like a pro . I lost sight of you for a few breath - taking seconds and then there you were , coming up the other side BEAMING . You were so proud . And I had tears in my eyes and had to turn away so that I could greet you with a smile . This is so hard for my heart and yet I know its good and right . I won 't hold you back baby . Because I know you are ready . I know you have got this . I know it would be unhealthy to freeze time like I sometimes long to do . Freezing time would leave us stagnant , unable to grow , and grow we must . What I want you to know is that you are brave , and good at loving people . You are a leader and amazing at creating . This mama heart wants you to do all that you were created to do . And that will mean letting you go to do it . As we walked out of the mall we were discussing the escalator trip and how fun it was and I mentioned to you that it was a little scary for me . You asked why and I tried to explain . It went something like this . " When you were born you were teeny tiny and couldn 't do anything for yourself . Mommy took care of you and fed you and kept you safe as much as she could . But as you grow you are able to do more things and now part of mommies job is to let go so you can do new things . " and the conversation continued in my head . " Mommy has to trust that though she loves you more than she can say , she is learning to entrust you to the One who loves you more . It 's so good . It feels physically painful right now . But I bet a few months in it will feel normal . You will come home and tell me about your day and all the new things you are doing and learning and I will listen with excitement . " This new season will hold so much goodness . I can 't wait to see what Jesus has ahead for you and me . Please know your mama loves you and i 'm going to be brave two weeks from tomorrow as you run forward with no hesitation . I will be brave like you .
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Happy Friday ! I have a very busy day today - - I hope your day is fab ! Feb . 18 Two male solicitors went door - to - door selling magazines in Wymount Park , violating the BYU and Provo city soliciting ordinance . Neither solicitor had a license . They were both issued citations and escorted off - campus . ( Comment : I did not know your could get subscriptions to the Ensign or Friend from the missionaries . Good to know . ) Feb . 18 A woman at Wymount Park requested that an officer help her get her money back from the male solicitors selling magazines . She said before she realized , she wrote a $ 65 check for a subscription . The officer directed her to cancel the check . ( Comment : $ 65 . . . That 's a lot of Ensign subscriptions . She must have got a Liahona subscription too . ) Feb . 21 Grounds workers reported students tying a tight rope around the trees west of Bowen Hall . Students complied when asked to leave . ( Comments : The grounds workers then used the tight rope to trim tree branches previously difficult to reach . ) Feb . 22 Police received a complaint from Wyview about three male individuals with white masks dancing around a car while the complainant and her boyfriend were inside . They said they felt threatened . The masked men were gone when police arrived . ( Comment : Making out in the car is just an invitation for evil spirits to be in your company . ) Feb . 23 An employee in the BYU Bookstore called police to report a student violating Bookstore policy on the text floor by studying out of a textbook . The male was asked to leave and he refused . The suspect was gone when police arrived . ( Comment : It was probably one of these textbooks . I don 't blame the guy for not wanting to buy it . ) Scripture of the Day : D & C 88 : 123 I am sore today . And very tired . Yesterday I did an extra hard workout tape with Amazing Becky . It was a Jillian Michaels ' ( trainer for the Biggest Loser ) workout . Even though it was the beginning level , I had to work out a lot harder than I normally push myself to do . I was actually sweating { whereas during my regular workouts I just get a nice glisten started and then hit the shower } . But with Jillian my thighs and triceps are sore . Actually , I really like exercising - - just not so hard I get so sweaty that I get those big sweat stains on my clothes . Yuck . And generally not the same thing for too long a time period . I get bored too easily . Here are my favorite workout routines : 1 . 5 minutes on mini trampoline followed by 10 minutes of aerobics . Repeat two more times , varying the aerobics styles ( 1st time low impact , 2nd time step , 3rd time high impact ) . 2 . 2 minutes on mini trampoline , 1 minute free weights , 2 minutes making beds / picking up clutter quickly . Do this five minute cycle 9 times for 45 minutes and a cleaner house . 3 . 10 minutes kickboxing tape followed by 20 minute yoga workout ; 10 more minutes of kickboxing tape followed by 20 minute pilates workout . 4 . 2 minutes step aerobics followed by 1 minutes free weights for upper body workout , 1 minute mini trampoline , and 1 minute lower body exercise ( i . e . , squats , lunges , etc . ) . Repeat this 5 minute cycle 9 times . 5 . 2 . 5 mile power walk - - often this is up and down my street so I can watch the kids playing in the front yard ( I live on a short street ) ; occasionally I add bursts of running , but I am really not built to be a runner . 6 . 5 mile bike ride ( not so boring because the scenery changes enough to keep me interested ) . These are the workouts that I have used for the past several years . But I guess doing the new workout tape proved I need to change things up a bit . I guess my body is too used to doing these favorite workouts . Or I am just not pushing myself as hard as needed . I have not been sore for several months , so that kinda proves the point . So I think I will sePosted by This scripture tip comes from a former VT companion of mine . She was frustrated because her family schedule made it very difficult for everyone to be together at the same time for scripture study . One child left extra early in the morning for work and another was taking evening classes at college and did not get home until extra late . She struggled with what to do and said the solution she found ( or was prompted to ) was to double up - - hold two scripture study sessions each day . Her first family scripture study session in the morning was where most of the Book of Mormon reading got done . Each family member ( minus the one gone to work ) took turns reading and the session lasted 10 to 15 minutes depending on the length of the chapter . Standard stuff . The second family scripture study session was during dinner time and was typically a topic based discussion . She would read ( or have a family member read ) a verse from the scriptures and a supporting quote from a general authority . Then the family would take time to discuss the importance of the verse , concept , or principle and discuss ways to apply it in real life . This discussion lasted for the first 5 to 10 minutes and then often led into other general family conversation at the dinner table . Although my friend originally balked at the thought of doing two sets of family scripture study a day , she said that making the extra effort to make sure every family member was there during at least one session definitely benefited her family . Maybe the double up solution could benefit your family too ! To see more of Scripturemom 's family scripture study tips , click on the Scripture Tips link below . Scripture of the Day : Ephesians 5 : 25 - Yesterday I received my first ever royalty check for my book - - so I can now officially claim to be a paid author . Yay for me ! - My spring veggie garden is also officially under way . The weather here is just gorgeous and I am enjoying having the doors and windows open during the days . I have planted some zucchini and cucumber and another bell pepper plant in the garden . And my lettuce and tomatoes are loving the springy temperatures . Today I will plant some green beans and maybe some other seeds I have on hand . - My husband has officially found the grossest way to get Kitty ( daughter # 1 's nickname ) to take her amoxicillin pill : he dumps the powder on top of a Reese 's Peanut Butter cup and feeds it to her . I don 't know if I will ever be able to eat a Reese 's again without thinking of this grossness . - Speaking of not eating Reese 's anymore , I am officially less than five pounds away from reaching goal at WW . 4 . 2 left to go . I am trying to get there by mid - April . Scripture of the Day : D & C 93 : 40 Following is a guest post by David Woolley , whose knowledge on ancient languages fascinates me . I appreciate him writing this series , which will continue once a week over the next month . by David G . WoolleyWhat exactly was the Language of Nephi ? A spoken tongue from an oral tradition ? A written language ? Did it adhere to the modern dictionary definition of a systematic means of communicating ideas or feelings by the use of conventionalized signs or was it something completely different ? Was it like modern English or Spanish or French where each written letter represents a sound in the spoken tongue ? Or was it more like the flowing , artistic Chinese logographic characters with no connection to the sound in the oral language ? How was the Language of Nephi related to the reformed Egyptian characters Moroni tells us were passed down and altered over the centuries ? ( Mormon 9 : 32 ) Nephi tells us he made his record in the learning of the Jews and the language of the Egyptians . What did he mean ? He spoke Hebrew in Jerusalem 's market place and over the dinner table with his brothers and sisters . He spoke it traveling the trade route across Arabia and in the New World . Despite the possibility that he may have learned one of the many dialects of the four major Mayan languages spoken across Meso America , he likely continued speaking Hebrew throughout the remainder of his life . When Nephi mentioned the learning of the Jews in the opening verses of the Book of Mormon ( 1 Nephi 1 : 2 ) he was likely referring to all things Jewish . Religious observances and belief . The system of home and institutionalized education . Merchant trade . Theft . Perfumes . The Laws of Moses . Robber bands . Weaving . Music . The agricultural practices of olive , wine and grain . Robbery . Prophets . Architecture . Dancing . Blacksmithing . Bartering . Conspiracy . Prophecy . Carpentry . Sorcery . Milling . Baking . Corruption . Money changing . Taxation . Military tactics . Graft . Financial loans . The collection of debt . The fishing industry . Stone cutting . Government opression . IrrPosted by Last Thursday evening Steve and I stayed up late ( to avoid traffic ) to tow the van to the fix - it shop . At about 10 : 45 pm he hitched the van up to his Dad 's old truck ( borrowed ) and we headed toward downtown Mesa . Kitty came along because she was having growing pains in her legs and couldn 't sleep . The towing part itself was uneventful . I am getting pretty experienced at it and good at making sure I don 't rear end the towing vehicle . The miracle came when we all got in the truck to head home and it would not start . Yep , the battery needed to be jumped . So I got out the trusty cell phone to try and find someone to come help and bring us some jumper cables at what was now 11 : 30 at night . First call : answering machineSecond call : answering machineThird call : answering machine ( Seriously , people of Mesa , what 's up with not answering phones at night ? It might be someone needing jumper cables . ) So finally I called my parents in Gilbert and my dad said he would come right down to help . But right then Steve found jumper cables hidden behind the seat - - a very convenient coincidence . So we called back and told my dad not to bother coming , used the van to jump the truck , and headed home . Scripture of the Day : D & C 131 : 2 Hope your Friday is Fantastic ! Feb . 17 : A female student reported receiving an offensive phone call around 2 a . m . The victim didn 't answer the call , but received a sexually oriented voicemail from a male claiming to be a student from the BYU booster club . She ignored the call and alerted police . ( Comment : Actually it turned out the call was from the BYU rooster club - - a complimentary wake - up call service available to BYU students . This female student was late to her Spanish exam as a result of this misunderstanding . ) Feb . 16 : A male stole a jacket from the BYU Bookstore on Feb . 9 , but police were unable to locate him . The suspect returned to the bookstore on Feb . 16 , wearing the stolen jacket , and once more left the store before police could find him . ( Comment : Maybe if the BYU police add a game or two of Hide and Seek to their training sessions they could find criminals like this . ) Feb . 16 : Police received a report of a 40 - to 50 - year - old man walking around a parking lot north of Helaman Halls . The man was not doing anything wrong , but was " acting suspiciously " . Police responded and discovered the man was waiting to get picked up . ( Comment : Yeah , it is every 40 to 50 year - old males ' dream to be " picked up " by college co - eds . Hopefully BYU girls aren 't that desperate . ) Feb . 12 : Police received a report of a patron in the HBLL looking at pornography on a computer . Officers determined it was not child pornography and no action was taken . ( Comment : What ? ! ? Adult pornography is okay to look at in HBLL ? Not child porn , but adult porn . They ought to post a sign becuase I would bet a lot of students are confused about that . ) Feb . 16 : A Wymount tenant alerted police of a suspicious man in a suspicious vehicle driving between Wymount laundry facilities . The man turned out to be a Wymount tenant who was looking for an open washer and dryer . ( Comment : It was probably better he didn 't find an open washer . We all know what happens when a man tries to do the laundry . ) Scripture of the Day : Titus 2 : 4 So yesterday I put up my post about needing LDS people for a focus group . I also sent out a few e - mails to some friends and family . But you would have thought I put an ad in the Ensign , the Daily Universe , and the Church News for all the calls I got ! And e - mail responses too ! I had my quota of group members filled within a few hours this morning pretty much . Which is completely crazy . Recruiting for a focus group typically takes a week or two . Not one day . Seriously , what is up with us Mormons being so well connected ? It reminds me of that game we all play with each other at social gatherings . " Oh , so do you know { fill in the blank with Brother so and so 's name } ? " " Yes ! He was my home teacher back in college . " " Really ? He was my home teacher for a while , too . " " I 'll bet he made you that yummy Oreo pie . " " YES ! Oh , so delicious . And I have never been able to make it as good as him . . . " Admit it . You 've had that conversation with someone before . Probably several someones . I know I have . In fact , I would be willing to be that someone out there probably recognizes a person in the random picture I found on the web of people leaving the conference center . Does that make us weird ? Is this what the scriptures meant by peculiar ? Maybe . . . But I have to admit this is one of the things I love about Mormon culture . If there is anything of praiseworthy or of good report { read easy way to earn $ 100 } , we make sure our loved ones all know about it ! Scripture of the Day : Moroni 7 : 45 1 . On Sunday I had a very pleasant surprise during ward conference : my favorite seminary teacher ( currently on the stake high council ) spoke to the adults during Gospel Doctrine . Brother Calton was my seminary teacher for two years for what was called the lunch bunch class ( we took seminary during our lunch hour and were allowed to bring our meal to eat during class ) . Those were some of the best two years of high school for me and my testimony of the Gospel flourished from Brother Calton 's teachings . And it was wonderful to be under his tutelage again on Sunday . 2 . Patch complained recently that a girl at school was lucky - - she got to get out of school early to go put her dog to sleep . 3 . Despite several small " repairs " my van is still not working . The garage door is not functioning either . I am beginning to feel cursed . 4 . Steve has really bad allergies . Spring is a hard time for him . When he mows a lawn he wears a gas mask to protect himself . But usually he still has problems . He had a really hard time sleeping last night . 5 . Kitty is doing a book report for school on a biography of Elizabeth Blackwell , the first female doctor in the U . S . I need to get a costume together for her to wear that looks like it is from Civil War era . I guess I will be hitting DI looking for pieces . The problem is her size . . . I don 't know if I have ever even seen one in a girls ' size 8 / 10 . 6 . My shoulder aches from sleeping on it wrong or something . But I don 't want to take any ibuprofen because I have my weigh - in tomorrow and don 't want the extra water weight it will cause . So I will suffer with it until after my weigh - in . 7 . I biffed it in the parking lot of the grocery store on Valentine 's Day evening ( no comments on the lack of date night , please ) . I rode my bike to the store to pick up a few groceries and while leaving to come home my bike basket came loose and scattered groceries all over the place . I lost my balance , but was able to recover without injuring myself . But getting home with all the groceries safely was tricky . 8 . I am workPosted by " In the future , infrequent family scripture study may be inadequate to arm our children with the virtue necessary to withstand the moral decay of the environment in which they will live . Where in the world will the children learn chastity , integrity , honesty , and basic human decency if not at home ? " These values will , of course , be reinforced at church , but parental teaching is more constant . In my opinion , the teaching , rearing , and training of children requires more intelligence , intuitive understanding , humility , strength , wisdom , spirituality , perseverance , and hard work than any other challenge we might have in life . This is especially so when moral foundations of honor and decency are eroding around us . To have successful homes , values must be taught , and there must be rules , there must be standards , and there must be absolutes . . . . " ( James E . Faust , " The Greatest Challenge In The World - Good Parenting " , General Conference , October 1990 ; see Ensign , Nov 1990 , p . 33 ) Scripture of the Day : D & C 121 : 41 - 43PS : Happy President 's Day ! What do you get when you try to tie this Art Masterpiece cave art painting . . . ( Lascaux cave painting , France ) . . . into a Valentine craft kindergartners can make within a 15 minute time period ? Answer : My weekly miracle ! On Thursday I learned from Sweetie Peach 's class mom that their Valentine party was during my Art Masterpiece time and would I be able to turn it into a Valentine craft and then stay and help with the party ? I said " yes " without first looking at the painting - - and then about panicked when I saw it was a cave painting . " What do I do with that ? " I asked myself . I called and talked to my good friend Heather - - we are good at generating ideas together . Then I did a little research on the Internet . All I could think of was to use crumpled paper bag and then have the kids draw cave type figures on it . And maybe I could throw a catchy Valentine saying on it to try and make it fit the holiday . But still it did not seem quite right . Just wasn 't working for me . So I mentioned the problem in my prayer that night before bed . And during the night the idea came to me . My focus was all wrong ! I should not focus on the cave painting part , but on the stick figure part . Cave artists usually used stick figures . I could show the kids how to draw stick figures and then make that into a Valentine . So when morning came I pre - cut some hearts , found some pastel paper in my scrapbooking stash , and made a sample for the kids to see . Here is what Sweetie Peach 's finished product looked like : It went great , took the perfect amount of time , and was not too challenging for the kids to do . In fact , I think they enjoyed learning how to do stick figures . I was really grateful for inspiration that made the experience fun and enjoyable . Scripture of the Day : Moses 6 : 58P . S . Don 't forget to enter the giveaway for my book ( click and scroll down ) on Modern Molly Mormon this week ! Today is the last day to enter . A Special Valentine 's Edition of the Police Beat ! ( some of these are worthy repeats ) March 12 : A male student posted fliers in female dorm halls asking for dates to satisfy a dating requirement for his marriage preparation class . The fliers not only violate BYU policy but were disturbing female residents . Police discovered that the student was not enrolled in that class and the professor he said he had has retired . February 8 . A suspicious red vehicle was reported in a parking lot near LaVell Edwards Stadium . Upon being questioned the couple sitting in the car claimed that they were just studying . Nov . 6 : Officers responded to a call concerning a disorderly person in the atrium of the HBLL . The subject at issue was wearing a red shirt , a scarf around his neck , a red mask around his eyes and holding several roses . He was holding a sign that read , " Ask me for . . . A - Hug , A - Rose , A - Hand , A - Date , A - Nything else . " When officers told him he wasn 't allowed to solicit in this manner , he continued to argue and told them he wasn 't going to stop . Officers then explained that he may be arrested for disorderly conduct but he said he had diplomatic immunity and could not be arrested . When officers told him that it is necessary to receive permission from the dean of student life to demonstrate on campus , he agreed to follow through with the dean and left the area . March 24 between 7 and 8 p . m . , a male suspect acted suspiciously toward a female student seated next to him at a fireside in the de Jong Concert Hall in the Harris Fine Arts Center . He was described as a white male in a wheelchair , approximately 30 years old with dark brown hair , facial hair and pale skin . March 15 , a male student received four calls from a possibly female caller . She asked if he " would like to sleep with her , " then requested that he bring her flowers if he came . When he replied that he was going to call the police , the caller requested that he ask the police to bring flowers also . On Jan . 23 at 8 : 55 p . m . a 35 - year - old male non - student was arrested for foPosted by Yesterday for Achievement Days we frosted some sugar cookies for Valentine 's Day . I had only one bite , but was still wanting a yummy baked item . So I decided to make these Hungry Girl oatmeal peach muffins instead of eating the cookies . I had printed this recipe a few months ago and had been wanting to make it ; I always have a stack of " need to try recipes " it seems . The results of this one were delish , especially for only one WW point apiece . Ingredients : 1 1 / 4 cups regular oats ( not quick or instant ) 3 / 4 cup Bisquick Heart Smart baking mix ( I used the low fat Pioneer brand ) 1 cup skim milk ( I used 1 / 2 cup 2 % and 1 / 2 cup unsweetened almond milk ) 1 / 2 cup Egg Beaters , Original 1 / 3 cup canned pure pumpkin 1 cup canned peaches in juice or water ; drained & chopped 1 / 4 cup SPLENDA , Granular 2 tsp . pumpkin pie spice 1 / 4 tsp . saltDirections : Preheat oven to 400 degrees . Combine ALL ingredients in a large bowl and stir well . Spoon mixture into a 12 - cup muffin tin sprayed well with nonstick cooking spray . Bake muffins for 20 minutes , or until muffins have puffed up and tops are firm and golden . Allow to cool before removing from muffin tin . To read the exact nutrition stats on these muffins click here and scroll down . Scripture of the Day : 2 Nephi 25 : 26P . S . Don 't forget to enter the giveaway for my book on Modern Molly Mormon this week ! Several years ago I was given a copy of a BYU education week address given / written by Elder Bruce C . Hafen and Sister Marie K . Hafen called " The Touch of Human Kindness : Women and the Moral Center of Gravity . " I highly recommend you read it ; it is excellent . This post summarizes some of the key points of the full article . But as a side note I can say I have personally met the Hafens , although they likely do not recall meeting me . As a BYU student I worked with the catering services and served them on many occasions . Once while manning a punch bowl the Hafens asked me a few questions about my experiences as a student . I found them to be very kind in all of my interactions with them . " What is happening to us ? We are now living through the biggest change in attitudes about family life in five centuries . An Atlantic Monthly writer believes today 's massive family disintegration is part of what he calls " the Great Disruption , " a wave of history as big as the shift from the age of agriculture to the Industrial Revolution some 200 years ago . 2 And so today , many people are skeptical about the very idea of " belonging " to a family . After long seeing family bonds as valuable ties that bind , some now see those ties as sheer bondage . " It feels like vast forces are eroding our foundations of personal peace , love , and human attachments . Whatever held family relationships together suddenly feels weaker now . At times it feels like a kind of ecological disaster , as if a vital organism somewhere in the environment is disappearing . . . " Let 's consider now four ways in which modern society has devalued that nurturing . Perhaps seeing more closely what we 're losing will help us regain it . . . " 1 . Motherhood : " The critics who moved mothers from dependence to independence skipped the fertile middle ground of interdependence . Those who moved mothers from selflessness to selfishness skipped the fertile middle ground of self - chosen sacrifice that contributes to a woman 's personal growth . Because of these excesses , debates about the value of motherhoPosted by At 2 a . m . this morning Kitty came and climbed into bed with me . Or rather climbed over me to get into my bed . This is what happened after that : Kitty : { sniffle , sniffle , snort , sniffle . ( 2 minutes later ) A - Choo ! } Me : Kitty , maybe you should go blow your nose . Kitty : In a few minutes . ( A few minutes later ) Kitty : { sniffle , snort , sniffle , sniffle , A - Choo ! } Me : Kitty , please go blow your nose . You are making a lot of noise and keeping me awake . Kitty : { sniffle , sniffle , A - Choo ! } Where are the Kleenexes ? Me : I don 't have any right here . You will have to go get some from the bathroom . Kitty : { Climbs over me to get out of the bed . She turns on the bathroom lights and then blows her nose . Comes back to bed by climbing over me again , leaving the bathroom lights on in the process . } Me : { After trying for 15 minutes unsuccessfully to sleep by ignoring the bathroom lights being on , I get out of bed and turn the lights off . } Scripture of the Day : 2 Nephi 2 : 25P . S . Don 't forget to enter the giveaway for my book on Modern Molly Mormon this week ! Be sure to check out Modern Molly Mormon 's interview with me today ! They are also hosting a giveaway of my book you can participate in . Yay for giveaways ! I did not realize before compiling this list that most of the romantic scriptures are from the Old Testament . The roots of the House of Israel were hot blooded , I guess : - ) . Anywhoo , if you are looking for a scripture or two for Valentine 's Day , here are my favorites : Ecclesiastes 4 : 9 - 10 ( " Two are better than one . . . " ) Ecclesiastes 9 : 9 ( " Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest . . . " ) Songs of Solomon 1 : 2 ( " Let him kiss me . . . " ) Ruth 1 : 16 ( " Entreat me not to leave thee . . . " ) 1 Corinthians 11 : 11 ( " Neither is the man without the woman . . . " ) Ephesians 5 : 25 ( " Husbands love your wives . . . " ) D & C 42 : 45 ( " Thou shalt live together in love . . . " ) Moses 3 : 24 ( " Therefore shall a man leave . . . " ) Want a romantic scripture story ? Try Isaac and Rebekah 's . BTW I also highly recommend Orson Scott Card 's fictional adaptations of the wives of Abraham , Isaac , and Jacob called the Women of Genesis Series ( Sarah , Rebekah , and Rachel and Leah ) . There is also a good Valentine 's scripture chase activity on Sugardoodle here . Scripture of the Day : 1 Nephi 8 : 37 Yesterday my husband took the van out to run some errands . A short time later he called me to say he was not able to get the van to start ( something was wrong with the ignition lock ) . When I arrived to pick him up I found him there with the van loaded onto a tow truck . While he was waiting for me , the tow truck drove up and unloaded another person 's car . Before the tow truck left , my husband asked if he was free to tow our van home . Sure enough he was available . I have to admit I did not initially like that this had occurred . The expense of it and the frustration of additional problems with the van bothered me . But the more I have thought about it , the more I realize that it was a blessing . This saved us the trouble of trying to : a . ) work on the van while it was more than 8 miles from our home and tools ; and / or b . ) trying to tow the van home with our four - door sedan . Somehow I cannot envision the latter going well . But I am continuing to pray for something to happen to take care of the van problem once and for all . A lightening strike would be good . . . Scripture of the Day : Mark 10 : 7 - 9 A few romantic movie recommendations for your upcoming Valentine 's holiday . Too many romantic comedies are not clean enough for a really solid recommendation . But I feel very comfortable recommending these to you . 1 . Last night I went to see New in Town , the new romantic comedy with Renée Zellweger and Harry Connick Jr . It was very cute - - funny and charming . And clean , too . There were a few common swear words , but I would definitely recommend it . This may even be one I purchase for my chick flick collection . 2 . I also recently watched an oldie but goodie called The Shop Around the Corner . This stars Jimmy Stewart and Margaret Sullavan and was the inspiration behind the movie You 've Got Mail . Shop takes place in Hungary and Stewart and Sullavan play co - workers in a store who are also ( unbeknownst to them ) pen pals . You can watch the entire film on YouTube ( although it is in ten minute segments ; here is the first of the segments ) . 3 . Another romantic oldie ( also available in segments on YouTube - - click here ) is Adam 's Rib . I adore Katharine Hepburn movies and this is a classic about a married couple who are lawyers arguing opposite sides of an attempted murder case . It was one of the first films to push for equality for women , including in marriage . It is a very funny movie ; Hepburn and Tracy are great together . However , Adam 's Rib is not quite as good to me as Hepburn 's most famous romantic lead role in The Philadelphia Story . I recommend both very highly , though . 4 . Of course I would be crazy not to recommend pretty much any and all of the Jane Austen books a la movies . I once took a film literacy course at BYU and ever since have loved seeing how books are translated into movies . I even like to compare different translations . For example , I love the more literal translation of the BBC Pride and Prejudice ; however , the music and cinematography and the acting in the 2005 film version I love equally - - just in a different way . One of my newest favs is the Sense and Sensibility that was part of " The Complete Jane Austen " sRebecca Irvine Time for another edition of Police Beat ! Jan . 27 : A witness reported seeing two males yelling and shoving each other in the parking lot north of the JKB . The incident involved the driver of a car who had driven over the foot of a man on a motorcycle . ( Comment : Bet that guy re - thinks his dream of becoming one of H * ll 's Angels ! ) Jan . 28 : A student discovered his snowboard , valued at $ 300 , had been stolen from his car in a lot north of the Jesse Knight Building . The victim is unsure if the back of the truck was locked , and there were no signs of forced entry . ( Comment : Probably some MBA student used it for a little fun on the Tanner building stairs . ) Feb . 2 : A suspicious man was reported entering the new OIT building on the west side of campus . Police responded and discovered the man was a subcontractor working on the heating system . ( Comment : Working on the heating system or carrying some " heat " ? Were those BYU cops duped again ? ) Feb . 2 : A large male in a red hoodie entered the north side of the Wilkinson Student Center mumbling to himself and appeared to be intoxicated . Police searched the WSC but were unable to locate the man . ( Comment : Hmmm . . . large male . . . red hoodie . . . a Santa Clause siting at BYU ! ) Feb . 1 : Police received multiple complaints about a student dressed in an ape costume who was harassing students in the library atrium . The suspect received a warning and was told to leave . ( Comment : I see nothing wrong with offering starving college students bananas . I guess they just prefer junk food . ) Scripture of the Day : Matthew 18 : 10 I love this picture ! Actually , I think I just love London so seeing this picture warms my heart ( a bit ironic with the cold snow , huh ? ) . I stole it from a news site where there was an article about London getting shut down last weekend due to snow . It snowed only once while I was there on my mission , and I was there over two full winters . It was only an inch or so then and only stuck around for a day or so . But like all first snows of a season , it was magical and beautiful . It seemed to be a gentle reminder from Heavenly Father that His love is all around us . Scripture of the Day : Malachi 4 : 5 - 6 Time for a new scripture tip : Make a game out of family scripture study ! Kids love to play games and find it easier to pay attention while playing . They have to pay attention if they want to win . So I suggest designating one or two days a week of your family scripture study as a " game day . " What games do you play ? So glad you asked . Here are a few suggestions : 1 . The Friend Magazine has a number of " Fun Stuff " game articles using scriptures to teach . Here , and here , and here are three examples . There is even one in the current issue using the Family Proclamation . We played this during FHE Monday night and the kiddos loved it . 2 . Use a book of games . I saw The Big Book of Sacrament Time Activities recently at a church bookstore . Many of the games in it are scripture based and require looking things up in scriptures . There are several other books out there with games that would work just as well . 3 . Play charades with scripture stories . Provide a few costumes and some reminder pictures from the Gospel Art Kit if needed to make things fun . 4 . Stefany from Pikes Pickles recently sent me a . pdf file of a game called Scripture Taboo . I played it with my Achievement Days girls last week and they had a lot of fun . I would be happy to pass the file on if anyone is interested ( leave me a comment with your e - mail address ) . 5 . Make your own games . Play Hang - man using the name of someone you have been reading about recently in the scriptures . Make a crossword puzzle with this website using words from the scriptures . Play scripture chase . Or use scripture verses with words like " right , " " left , " " forward , " " up , " and " down " to make a treasure hunt . Whatever games you decide to play , you will be a winner with your family ! Scripture of the Day : Ecclesiastes 9 : 9 Great news to share with all of you : I just had an e - mail from my publisher that the manuscript I sent in a week and a half ago has been accepted for publication ! I am so excited and grateful the work I put into it over the past year was good enough . I 'd say a few fireworks seem appropriate right now : - ) ! Now on to the rush of getting everything sent off to the publisher . . . . The cord to my camera went missing for a week , but now that I have found it I wanted to post some of the cute pictures from Sweetie Peach 's party last week . The animals looked so cute . And I think the kids had a fun time . I know they especially loved it when the pinata fell but did not break open , so my DH took it up on the roof and threw the candy out for them to catch . Scripture of the Day : Proverbs 13 : 24 This little miracle happened a few weeks ago . . . The kids and I were riding our bikes around the neighborhood to expend some of the pent up Sunday energy . The weather had been a bit rainy and cool . It was so nice out and our ride was going well . Until we got about a mile from home , that is . Then Patch crashed on his bike . He was not seriously hurt , but the brake on the back tire was messed up and I could not figure out how to get it to stop clenching . The tire would not move , making it impossible to ride his bike . We stood there for a few minutes while I contemplated what my next move should be . The rain was starting up again and we were gwtting a little bit too wet . Then a car came down the street and pulled into the driveway of the house by which we were stranded . A nice man came to see what was the problem . I could pretty much tell he was just getting home from his ward ( he had on a suit and carried a scripture tote ; also there are four wards in our square mile , so I felt the likelihood he was a member was pretty high ) . After I explained the problem he offered to take the bike home for us in the back of his car while I rode home with the rest of the kids . So he and his wife loaded up Patch 's bike ( and Patch , so he could direct them ) and I took off home with the girls . I was really grateful to have help so quickly and appreciated the service that nice couple rendered . I am excited it is February . I love all the spring - y pinks and reds and whites that make this month so fun . To go along with Valentines Day , the theme this month is " Love at Home . " I made this advent calendar of a home ( pic above was before I added the numbers for the flaps ) . You lift up flaps on the windows , garage door , front door , etc . to read scriptures that go along with the theme . We have already been testing it for several weeks and the kids are enjoying it , so I think this one is a success . Scripture of the Day : Genesis 18 : 19
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Tagsarm pit , assistance dogs , canine companions for independence , CCI , dog , dogs , puppies , puppy , service dog , service dogs We often tell people Sabina is non - verbal . To our other puppy raiser friends that means she doesn 't alert bark or know the speak command . However she is pretty darn verbal . Don 't get me wrong , we tried very hard to get her to speak , and now that she isn 't subject to all of the service dog rules I would love a big beefy bark on command when there is someone at the door . Just not going to happen with this dog . When Dave was trying to teach her speak she totally looked at him as if he was an ass and speaking was beneath her . ( God how I wish I had video of that . ) One of Sabina 's many nicknames is " sassy . " I grew up in the " sass mouth " era ; as in " don 't you sass me young lady " or " I will wash that sass right out of your mouth missy . " Even as a pretty young pup she would express displeasure with a little grumble under her breath in that got to get the last word in type of deal , like she was sass mouthing me . Still when I give her a command she doesn 't feel like doing , take away a toy , or in general tell the queen bean no , she will still comply but has to throw a little sass in . In extreme cases of her really needing our attention she will toss in a whine or two . Whining is generally reserved for " hello , I have been sitting at the door for over 5 minutes like you taught me , can 't you see I need to go out ? " It is also used for my favorite - " HEY it is 0330 and am about to blow chunks you better let me out of this kennel ! ! " There is also an occasional " I am so excited that ( fill in the blank ) is walking up to the door , or I am so excited we are almost to the CCI Campus I have to emit some sort of sound whine . " Yep - a puppy in her armpit . Actually it could also mean there is a puppy squeezing in between my back and the whelp box , but generally it means there is a puppy in my armpit . Puppies need three things at this point : sleep , food , and warmth . They are constantly moving around , burrowing to find the best place to sleep , eat , and get warm . I am amazed at their ability to squeeze in and under things . While I think puppy butt sticking out from under her armpit looks cute , I guess if I where her I would like to be able to lay down and get some rest . After all everything else about them , armpits appear to be her last attempt at self - preservation . probably deserves to have puppy - free armpits considering that they are everywhere else climbing on her head , wedging themselves under her tail and hanging off her … okay that may have gone to a bit too far . Sabina - I herby declare your armpits as off - limits and willdo my best to keep them puppy - free . If one sneaks past me just let me know , it is the least I can do . TagsBreeder , breeder caretaker , C Litter , canine companions for independence , CCI , dog , dog names , naming , puppies , puppy , Sabina , service dog There are quite a few cool things about being a breeder caretaker . For example puppy raising is awesome and I love doing it ; however , it is a one - at - a - time shot at changing one life . Don 't get me wrong that one shot and one life are absolutely amazing but when you are a breeder your chance to help someone quickly multiplies . Over the next few weeks I will share all of the tribulations as well as the trials , but right now let 's talk names . One of the perks of being a breeder caretaker is that you get to submit a list of suggested puppy names . There are rules of course like it can 't be overly controversial , political or religious . That is a pretty easy rule because who wants a dog named Hitler or Gadhafi anyway ? It gets hard because you don 't want to come up with something that everyone will hate , is hard to say , and everyone has an opinion on what a good name is . The most challenging part is that the name has to be available - meaning it isn 't currently in use by a puppy in training , at Advanced Training , or currently working . Most aspiring service dog pups have nicknames , which is entirely acceptable provided they respond to their full names as well . Since before she came home Sabina has been called " the Bean " - by everyone not just us . To honor Sabina ( and because we think it is fun ) we are trying to get a puppy in each of her litters named after a bean . Yeah , that sounded cute when we thought it up . Have you ever really sat down and looked at few bean names there are ? I have , there aren 't as many as you might think . Our first litter was " G " - that left us with Garbanzo , Green , and Great White Northern . For days we thought about Garbanzo . Is it weird ? Is it too hard to say , too many syllables ? It the puppy raiser or graduate going to hate us for naming a dog Garbanzo ? What are the nickname options ? In the end we settled on submitting Garbanzo . We are proud to announce he is living with some great puppy raisers in Florida who love his name . He is our first " baby bean . " Now we come up with a list of names to submit . The fine peoples at CCI will review them , make sure that they aren 't duplicates and generally meet the naming standards , and make the final selections . Then they will send us back the names and puppy they are assigned to so we can start using them . We were pretty sure that we would be the C litter so we started thinking about it early last week and we certainly came up with some doozies . The ones that aren 't making the final cut include : We have finally narrowed it down after much deliberation . By the way I have no idea how breeder caretakers did this before the internet . Some of our best ideas came from weird web searches . We got it down to 15 or so names to submit . Fingers crossed we get our next baby bean . ( and no , I am still not telling it ruins the suspense ) The C Litter is here . They are noisy , wiggly , and full of life . Well at least the EIGHT girls are . The one lone boy is lying low , as if he knows he has already lost this battle . I don 't want to mislead you he is the biggest and is healthy and all but he knows that growing up with eight Sabina sisters is going to be hard . I think he is saving his strength . Now we know that the nose was right it was puppy smell . ( I have no idea why I would doubt it . ) Last night Sabina did not want to sleep in the whelp box , because that was about 2 inches too far away from me . I set up another sleeping bag next to mine and invited her over . That lasted about 20 minutes until she decided that she should sleep ON me , while I was sleeping ON the air mattress . From 9 pm until about 3 am she slept off and on , always on me . There was a little bit of restlessness but mainly resting up . At 3 she was up and had a determined look about her . However she does have her manners ( she was taught well ) and didn 't actually start to have puppies until 6 : 30 . The whelper - helpers got the call exactly 2 minutes before their alarm was scheduled to go off anyway . Dave got a full night sleep in the big boy bed - yep she is a considerate girl that Sabina . From then on it was sort of a whirlwind . Our very efficient mama delivered 9 puppies in three hours . This is very important because the x - ray she had on Friday told us to expect 8 - 9 puppies . We like it when we get everyone out and accounted for . We were a little shocked to have so many girls but secretly happy too . We have asked to raise a pup out of this litter and since we can only raise a girl pup , and because the last litter was all boys , we were tickled ! Also because this was a Sabina litter it had to have its twists and turns . By 9 : 20 Sabina had delivered 8 puppies . Ten minutes later she delivered puppy number 9 , which was stillborn . There it is , the sad truth about whelping puppies , from time to time there are stillborn puppies or puppies that only live a short time after being born . It breaks your heart but in the case of dogs there are often other pups that need to be tended to and the breeder caretaker has to move on , because mama dog has . I am a firm firm believer that things happen for a reason , even the ones that seem unexplainable or un - understandable . In this case I think that it is better that a puppy be stillborn or pass away quickly if that is to be its fate , with me and Sabina rather than when it is with a puppy raiser or heaven forbid a graduate . It isn 't that it doesn 't make me sad , it is just that it is better for the puppy to pass quickly than live a sickly life . It is most assuredly better for it to pass when it is with me than when it is with its forever partner . Sabina is a very very attentive mom and doesn 't like to be away from her wards long . Unless of course the brief mama break includes food . About 10 : 30 it was time for her to take a breakfast and hurry break . She was out back with Dave for quite a while so I went to check on them only to be met by Dave rushing in the back door carrying a screaming , wiggly pup . Apparently those clean out shots really work , we didn 't even know she was in there ! There is something that I should set straight here - the term " puppy smell " and " puppy breath " should not be interchanged , because they are simply not the same thing . Some people will say I love that new puppy smell . Trust me the newest smell that comes from a new puppy - not so pleasant . This is something that if you didn 't already know you learn pretty quickly as a breeder caretaker . If you are someone like me with , as Dave calls it a bionic nose , then you know it immediately and forever . Puppy smell is one of the things that goes along with whelping puppies , and carries on through puppy litter turn - in . Lets face it if you have a bunch of ankle biting poop machines living in your home , despite your very best efforts you are likely to have a little odoriforousness going on . Once you pick up your breeder from CCI you get your due date . Breeders can not be left unattended for 48 prior to that date . There is a reason for that , her name is Sabina . Last litter she was two days early and I think she is going to do it again . After an excruciatingly puppy - less day in the office with out Lacinda and 72 hours before Sabina 's due date , I came home to find a very saturated dog bed that , well smells of puppy not of pee . ( and as I just previously stated yes there is a difference and yes , me and my bionic nose can tell the difference ) A pregnant dog 's water breaks just like a human 's , letting us know that delivery is imminent . However when you aren 't home to see it happen , because it wasn 't supposed to happen , how do you know ? Good one right ? Here are my thoughts on why it was her water breaking and not an accident : We are pulling out the air mattress . Looks like there could be a long night ahead ; and so the breeder caretaker mantra begins : healthy , happy working puppies . Healthy , happy working puppies … . The weekend was cruddy full of puppy turn - in blues , at least we were distracted by getting ready for the puppies . Puppy preparations worked for a bit , but then in the weirdest moments the tears would well up . The post turn - in adjustment is sort of like getting a drastic hair cut . It is a little scary , a little exciting , hurts a bit inside even though you knew it was time , and leaves you a little off balance for a couple days . When you take the first post haircut shower you for get you need way less shampoo until your covered in suds that won 't quit - yeah pretty much the same as pouring to bowls of food , calling both dogs , and getting two of everything out . We stopped at the home improvement store yesterday and they were participating in the MDA fundraiser . Since the beginning of time when they give you the little card to fill out I have always written our dog 's names on it . You can see where this is going right ? We paid our donation , clerk hands me the card , I write " Sabina & Lacinda , " hand it back and immediately start welling . Really ? Wow I am loosing my street cred here . Just when I though the worst was over I went back to work . Don 't get me wrong , for the most part I enjoy my job and going to work . I really shouldn 't have minded since it was going to be my first day back after 5 days off and only 1 day until I would be off on puppy duty for a week and a 1 / 2 . However it didn 't turn out so good not having a dog . It is true when we turned Sabina in , we came home to an empty house , but on my first day back at work a fellow puppy raiser met me there with her puppy for me to sit for a week . Having a dog - less office sucks . I have the most perfect office for puppy raising . There are a couple large windows for sunbathing , a kennel fits perfectly in a little space next to my desk . There is linoleum under an area rug in case there is an accident and the door frame fits a puppy gate . It is also far enough from the front counter that a pup isn 't intimidated by a crowd or lots of people , but close enough that the murmur is something for them to learn and get accustomed to . We are also close to the outdoors so getting a young pup out to do their business isn 't a big deal . However today my office wasn 't so great because it was empty . Thankfully it was a short day . I often leave Lacinda in my space practicing down - stays and other things and when I do I will often close my office door . ( That helps keep her and my team on task . ) I don 't know what was worse - that I closed my door a half dozen times today or how disappointed I was not to be greeted by her happy face saying " look I stayed the WHOLE time ! " I thought that I would find some solace in Sad Song Radio , but I realized that in all those songs the point is hoping and waiting for the girl to come back home . Not the goal here . Don 't get me wrong I miss her - unequivically and with out question . However coming home is not what I want - to find her forever home is what I want and hopefully that will come in the form of a CCI graduation . So while I am seeing her in all the familiar places … it is the places she hasn 't gotten to yet that I am most looking forward to seeing . The same thing happens when Sabina picks who she is going to snuggle with on the couch , this time it is more of a " she loves you more " debate . The truth of the matter is though , and my husband will agree is that with the possible exception of her Advanced Trainer Angie , Sabina loves me best , no matter who she lays next to on the couch . This is even despite the fact that Dave is the food - man in this household . She still picks me . This is never so obvious as when she is pregnant . When Sabina is pregnant you can count on where ever I am she will be there - usually underfoot . It is so funny to see my tough , ready - to - wear , confident dog need her mama . The later we are in the pregnancy the worse is gets . To the point that if I am cleaning the house or doing something that requires me to go from room to room it is less stressful for the both of us if she just takes a little time out in her kennel . I can tell because I don 't feel like I am going to fall over and break my neck and I can hear her snoring from the other side of the house . We are just under a week to go now . I swear she is getting bigger by the minute . ( This time we can see the little pups moving around in there . Sorry all you pregnancy romantics but - ewww . It sort of grosses me out . ) She is sleeping a lot more and enjoying the significant increase in puppy food . She is eating so much that we have to break it down in to several meals a day . Last night we were getting ready for bed and she was up in her room waiting for what we are now calling " 4th meal . " The main difference between Sabina and Lacinda in personality is that Lacinda , while confident and fun , is really more of a people person . She would be content just snuggling with me all day . Sabina on the other hand has stuff to do , places to go , people to see and will just check in on as if to throw me a bone . In the aftermath of turning in Lacinda , having pregnant Sabina around seems to be just the cure for turn - in puppy blues . Tagsadvanced training , canine companions for independence , CCI , dog , Lacinda , sad , service dogs , trainer , turn - in Lost dog ! may not be the most accurate statement , Lacinda isn 't lost we know exactly where she is . Maybe " Lost Owner ! " might be more appropriate . All I can tell you is something is not right and it feels like either I lost my girl or I am lost without her . Quite possibly it is a little bit of both . On Friday morning we got up early , not that anyone but Lacinda and Sabina did much sleeping on Thursday night . The morning started with snuggles , sniffles , and the truly last of the lasts . After breakfast we headed over to the NWR Jean & Charles Schultz Campus in Santa Rosa . As I have previously mentioned the day is very long , we started at 9 : 30 with turning in Lacinda 's gear ( cape , tags , gentle leader ) and signing up for pictures , and didn 't head home until around 7 : 00 pm after dinner . There is quite a bit of waiting around for pictures but while you are waiting you get to see old friends and in my case Facebook and CCI Group people I hadn 't met in person yet . Lacinda thinks she is a diva and took " strike a pose " to a whole new level . After the CCI photo shoot we headed over to the grassy yard and took a ton more pictures with other Paxton pups ( Lacinda 's Dad ) , siblings , and our GRC puppy friends we grew up with . About 10 : 30 Dave took Lacinda to the play yard to tire her out before the graduation ceremony . ( I ducked out to take Ms . Bean to the vet clinic for her litter x - ray . ) Lacinda was the life of the party on the play - yard greeting everyone who came in and showing them around . At 11 : 30 the puppy raisers headed over to the South Training Room for a little lunch . Then we headed over to graduation and puppy matriculation ceremony about 1 : 00 pm . Lots of wonderful and awesome things happen at graduation ceremonies . I will say this a thousand times in this blog : if you haven 't gone to a CCI graduation add it to your to do list . Many people leave saying it was life changing . One of my favorite part of graduation isn 't about graduation at all it is seeing my friends get to pick up the puppy that they raised and are now graduating with their forever person . After all of the puppy and puppy raiser reunions we head into the center for the ceremony . The ceremony includes a slide show of the puppies turning in for advanced training and a march across the stage to pomp and circumstance of course ! Next the graduates finally take the stage and we get to see a video of their team training narrated by the graduates who share stories about themselves and how the dog will help them . The moment finally comes when the graduates are called to the center stage one by one . The trainers read a brief bio and the puppy raiser is called to the stage and the hand off occurs . Dave and I have not had this opportunity yet so I will share the comments of my dear friend Rick Spicer whose pup Tiarra graduated on Friday : There are very few things that I will remember until the day I die & one of them happened yesterday during the CCI Graduation . As Irina & I walked onto the stage to hand Tiarra 's leash to her new partner & the girl 's mom , as we got to the top of the ramp & the little girl saw Tiarra , her whole face lit up & so did her mom 's . I 've never seen a child with a smile as big as that before - & her mom looked at her , looked at us , looked at Tiarra & smiled as the tears welled up . I will never , ever forget the look on their faces - total joy , happiness & love . Tiarra answered our prayers by becoming the answer to their prayers . It doesn 't get any better than this . Next someone speaks on behalf of the class , and if you weren 't crying already this will usually do it . The NWR was treated to 2 different class presentations that left us laughing as well . I have a dirty little secret to share . When I heard that there were going to be 17 graduates I was super excited ! That is huge ! Then I began to think oh no - this thing is going to go on forever . Normally I wouldn 't care how long the ceremony is but this time we had to get back to the campus to turn in Lacinda and I didn 't want to lose a second with her . When it is getting time to turn in you pup and you can actually hear the minutes counting down in your head . As always the graduation ceremony was awesome , it makes you want to run your dog back to the campus so they can turn her into the next dog to graduate . Before we knew it the ceremony was over and it was time to head back for the final countdown . Back at the play yard around 4 or 4 : 15ish and Lacinda was again the princess of the yard . The goal for your dog on turn - in day is to ( according to our fabulous trainer Carly ) tire them out , empty them out ( hurry ) , and then fill them back up with dinner and love . A quick walk back to the car and both girls get dinner . Lacinda is a wet muddy mess . I didn 't even try to stop her from frolicking in the drinking area mud pit . She was having fun and hey she wasn 't riding home in my car right ? Then she got the pep talk about doing well and listening to her trainers . Dave and I switched so Dave could get his final snuggles and words in . The very last part of turning in your pup is what I like to call the perp walk . You find your way over to the training room , give your puppy program manager ( PPM ) and last details about your dog , find out their cellmate - I mean kennel mate , and hand them over to a trainer to take them to the kennel . There are two kinds of turn - ins the ones like me who stride in and rip off the band - aid and the lingerers ( you know who you are ! ) who wait to till the last - minute lingering in the back of the line . Trust me this is one line you don 't want the person in front of you to turn and say - go ahead ! We got to meet Lacinda 's trainer who took her to the kennel and then the long walk starts - and everyone is watching to see what the dog does . I handed over her leash and without missing a beat Lacinda fell into position and walked off with her trainer . I could hear her saying as she walked away - I am so glad to meet you , I am Lacinda and my plan is to get myself a little human of my own . The rumor mill says that if I do everything you tell me to , that I can get one . I also heard that you are the bestest trainer in the whole world . Did I mention I love you ? ( and she bats her long eyelashes ) . Yep that 's my girl ! She didn 't look back , only to the future that is hers to claim . See she isn 't lost at all , she knows where she is and what she needs to do . It was me all along who is just lost without her . Tagscanine companions for independence , dog , Lacinda , puppies , service dog , turn - in Yesterday the final countdown , the last of the lasts if you will , truly commenced . Depending on if you are a glass half - full or half - empty person you could say that the turn - in clock begins the moment you bring home an aspiring service dog puppy . I find that way of thinking to be pretty bleak . I prefer to save my last of the last way of thinking until the bittersweet end . Bitter and sweet ? Yep , I find turn - in bittersweet . It is hard to turn - in a pup that you have raised and loved for a year and half , I am not trying to sugar coat or gloss over that fact . However , there is a sense of excitement and hope for what happens next . Lacinda is not without her quirks that could pop up as issues in advanced training ; however , she is full of great personality and resilience that might make her the greatest service dog ever . Despite the tears that will most assuredly come tomorrow ( or maybe sooner ) , I just can 't wait to hear what happens next . Will she be a breeder , will her constant desire to lean on or be touching her handler endear her to the trainers or send her home , does her constant desire to have something in her mouth mean that she will learn the " get " command quicker , will she go to the hearing program because she is high energy and observant of every little sound ? The simple fact is that we just don 't know and so while this is the last of the lasts - last time going to work , last time sleeping at home , last time going to this place or that place - it is also the start of the long wait . Beside the turn - in day being very long and fraught with emotions , the next several months will be longer . After turn - in puppy raisers don 't usually hear anything about their pups for 4 - 6 weeks . During this time the pups are going through health and temperament testing as well as being evaluated for the breeding program . This is the " no news is good news " phase . Most of us puppy raisers have programed two phone numbers into our phones : the breeding program office ( good news call ) , and the puppy program manager office ( bad call during AT unless right before a team training or when you are getting your next puppy ) . Finally a letter comes from your pup saying that all is well and that they are doing fine . The next phase of waiting comes in one month doses where you are waiting to get your pup 's next monthly training progress report . After about six months from turn - in puppy raisers start the long wait to get the call for team training . It is like your dog being called up from the minor leagues , to go to the big show ! On the first day of team training CCI brings in 3 - 5 more dogs than there are graduates to find just the right fit for each person . Puppy raisers wait on pins and needles over those two weeks hoping their pup will find their forever person . If for some reason the pup doesn 't match they often stay for another graduation cycle or two until the right match is found . This is our second puppy turn - in . I am expecting it to be different from the last mainly because last time we came home to an empty house . This time we have Sabina to snuggle with and ultimately a new litter to whelp the following week to help sooth the puppy turn - in blues . Getting ready for the whelp will not leave much time for moping . Turn - in will also be different this time because through Sabina I have learned how much these pups like the training process and more specifically how much they love their CCI trainer . The CCI trainers are simply the best . What will be the same is that I am sure when we make that final leash handoff Lacinda will go prancing down the hall with the CCI trainer and not even look back . That isn 't a sign that she doesn 't love us , it is a sign that we did our job well - that she is confident in her commands , that she trusts we wouldn 't hand her off to just anyone , that she is willing to work for someone other than us , and most importantly can bond with someone else . Watching her walk away for the last time , will also be her first steps into the next phase of her aspiring service dog mission . Tagsphoto wall , puppy raiser Getting in the habit of blogging is something I am still working on . I want to keep a nice balance between forgetting to blog ( which is what happened here ) and over blogging . If we are friends on Facebook , what I am about to tell you is old news . Sabina 's room is finally finished ! By the way " Sabina 's Room " sounds , well blah - we are looking for something more creative . I think we have covered this but if you think having a dog room is extravagant I apologize for upsetting your delicate sensibilities . The truth of the matter is we had this room all decked out as a guest room , but had no , guests which in my book that was extravagant . Truth is if we could have a beautiful fancy spare room and a puppy room our house would be perfect , but we don 't . The redo was pretty simple and on the low - budget side we gutted the room , slapped on some paint , hung some new pictures and presto - chango ! a new room . Sabina has already been spending her days in the Sabina room . We have been working on the " go to your room " command , and it is coming along nicely . It helps that she is a lab and that she gets all of her meals in there . Today Dave inventoried the whelping kit to make sure we have everything we need for the big day . Next weekend we will begin final preparations for whelping . It will be a welcome distraction from the puppy turn - in blues . TagsBreeder , canine companions for independence , CCI , dogs , Eric Bibb , music , sad songs , service dogs , The Cape I am a HUGE music fan . A little look see at my iPod playlist is like Tower Records ( for those of us who remember Tower Records ) threw up in there . Seriously - I have some John Denver and Brandi Carlile ( love her these days ) , Judy Collins and Rage Against the Machine , Rosemary Clooney and Anthrax , Garth Brooks , the Beatles , Classical and oh yeah - SHOW TUNES ! Lots and lots of show tunes . I have music playing as much as possible , if it were up to me my life would be like Grey 's Anatomy - well not exactly - just in the way that great music is always playing along . I turn to music when I am happy , when I am sad , it is on for our best celebrations and even the everyday ordinary moments . Some songs take me back to a moment in time like it was yesterday , music can make me want to dance along which isn 't pretty , and is one of the few things that can make me cry . I spend a lot of time pouring over music catalogues to find just the best songs to go with the videos I do for our chapter of CCI . To date I think the best find is " The Cape " performed by Eric Bibbs . ( I used it for the video of our first CCI litter , you can see it and our other videos on the CCI GRC YouTube Channel ) Last night was a rough night with an expectant CCI mom who has tummy troubles and every night is one night closer to turning the other CCI pup back in for advanced training . Since I am off on Friday 's I usually reserve them for my CCI " work . " Today as I am working on the chapter newsletter I find myself having a really bad case of turn - in blues and I am thinking sad song radio ( a real channel I created on Pandora ) was probably not the best choice for this afternoon . The simple truth is that , as much as I hate it , the die has been cast for both my girls and there is not much else to do but go through it . We did our best to give them the tools they need to do their job , and now the rest is up to them . I can either sit here and cry with her in my lap ( did it ) and keep doing it , or we can pick up our sad song selves and go out and play some ball . Of course there will be training ( Hi Carly ! ) but happy dogs make happy dog moms . The sun is shinning - Sabina is looking spunky , Lacinda always wants to play , and right now that is enough for me . Let 's go Johnson girls ! Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this :
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Ok , I 've had all day to cool off and I 'm not nearly so pissed . As I said , I 'm not really an angry person , and along with that goes the fact that I can 't stay angry for long . I read my last post and my eyelids start smoking from the heat of it . . . guess I was really pissed . I am still not ready to see anyone in my family ( most of all my dad and older brother ) so I am hanging out here at the library until they kick me out , then I 'll drive around until everyone is asleep before going home . I 'm trying to see that my family is doing this out of love , but I keep feeling that when they look at me all they see is the gay , as if that is the most important part . In the end it will work out , I hope . If it doesn 't , well , I 'll be at college in less than three months . I just have to keep from doing something self - destructive just to hurt them . Deep breaths , Jason , deep breaths . # posted by JJ : 7 : 59 PM You said it jj . A blog is a super way to get stuff off one 's chest . I actually have an anonymous blog out there where no one knows me so that I can just spew my anger and hurt and stuff . Jason , man , I would be pissed too if someone invaded my privacy like that . One thing I try to remember when parents FREAK out is that often their concept of " gay " is not based in reality . It is based on lies they have heard from anti - gay leaders and based on their experience of seeing what happened to gay people from their school days . I know for my folks , they thought I would have a dreadful life because of the gays and lesbians they knew growing up ended up violently killed or miserable . My mom ( who is totally cool with me and my gayness ) reminds me that it is hard for some parents to understand the world today and that they need a big learning curve . Of course I don 't know your folks , so they could just be psycho , but more likely they are incomplete souls like the rest of us desperately needing grace ( and lots of good education ) . Yeah , nothing self - destructive . You are too precisou for that . Be pissed and sin not . . . or something like that . # posted by Steve : 3 : 00 AM Hey man , your posts are great . Honest and heartfelt . I really enjoy hearing your thoughts . Keep the faith and keep writing ! # posted by Ash : 6 : 57 PM Hey , brother - you still around ? I 've wondered , and you haven 't posted for nearly a year . Let us know you 're ok , eh ? ~ Steve # posted by Steve : 3 : 51 AM Hi , I just found and read your blog . I can empathize a lot with what you are feeling . I kept my battles and struggles silent and to myself for 30 years until the Lord finally gave me the right people and the right time to begin to deal with the trauma of my childhood and the self - loathing I had for so long because of my SSA . I am praying for you . . . Rik First of all , thanks all people who have left comments . . . They mean a ton and are really encouraging . I appreciate all of them . I am not an angry person . No , really , I 'm not . People would try to piss me off at school but they never could . The one time they did see me get pissed was when they weren 't even trying : I went to the bathroom and came back to find that a kid had dug around in my books and pulled out my journal . I almost killed him right then and there . The only thing that makes me really angry is an invasion of my privacy . Today , I found out it was majorly breached , in more ways than one . My dad told me he wanted to have a talk with me . Fine . I didn 't really want to talk to him because the only time he ever wants to talk with me is when he has something to say about my sexuality , but I figure that since he is my father , I should talk to him . We make the obligatory smalltalk ( you know , where we talk about pointless stuff until I want to scream ) and he says something along the lines of , " I was searching through the glovebox of your truck and I found something . " Shit . That is my only place to keep anything private : right now I am living in a one bedroom apartment with my dad and brother . He had found my journal and the first entry just happened to be basically what I talked about in this post , except much more raw . He of course saw nothing wrong with it ( " As a father it would have been irresponsable of me to put it down once I had read the first line " ) . He then went on to say that he had talked to my older brother to see if I had had any conversations with him ( which I had ) and see what I said . Am I not supposed to be pissed here ? He didn 't understand why I refused to look at him when I see that basically anytime I let out what is in my heart and head he automatically requisitions it . And it gets worse . He wants me to go to a Christian therapist that he picked out who will report everything I say to him . Fuck no . I 'm not gonna pour out all my deepest secrets ( like the fact that I think Adrian Grenier is a total hot # posted by Jason @ 9 : 34 PM Oh man , that sounds awful ! Parents don 't always understand privacy . . . that 's actually how my mom found out I was gay , she went through some of my stuff . And asking you to go to a therapist who would report to him ? Does he not understand therapy ? One of the reasons it is ever effective is because it is a safe environment . By asking the therapist to reveal what you talked about , it is no longer safe . About the other stuff , I can 't even speak to it as I have never been in that place ( cutting ) , and I have no idea why your parents didn 't intervene . But their reaction to your gayness is obviously rooted in ' fear for your eternal soul ' , which - - though it may sound extreme , at least tells you that they care . That 's what I try and remember whenever my mom and I get into it . I must seem like the most confused , undecisive person on this planet . A week ago I was so totally ready to spend the rest of my life attracted to guys , for better or for worse . I feel like I 'm on some kind of pendulum that is going faster and faster : it used to take weeks or even months for it to go from one side to the other now it seems to take only days or even hours . Gaah ! I can deal with my older brother thinking that I had given up in trying to become straight : he has no inkling of what I am dealing with and what I have gone through because he has never dealt with it . But what if I met someone ( in real life . . . sorry to all my internet peeps but it just isn 't the same ) who was dealing with the same things I am ? I read what people have to say online and it is easy for me to only see the things I want to see : I find myself reading almost exclusively things written by Christians who are gay . Sometimes I see myself easily accepting what people who I agree with ( gay Christians ) have to say while discounting the other ( ex - gay ) side . I have to ask myself , am I doing this because God has given me discernment or because I am happy where I am now , and don 't want to change ? The reason all these questions are popping up right now is that yesterday I got to talking with someone I had hung out with a few times . We talked about God and things in his past and different stuff and something he kept saying really struck me . He said , " I have basically gone through everything a guy can go through . " To me this either made him an idiot who didn 't realize that homosexuality was something some guys deal with , or he had actually gone through it . He didn 't seem like an idiot and he said that phrase enough times that it seemed like he was trying to tell me without telling me . . . i . e . it was something I would only notice if I was looking out for it . We start talking about trust and then for a while I get real silent and he asks why . I tell him that I am deciding whether or not I can trust him . So finally I realize that besides the possibility # posted by Jason @ 10 : 12 PM Ouch - I 'll pray the yo - yo / pendulum thing stops or at least slows down for you - Course people I pray for tend to have the opposite happen to them - I am like , anti - prayer . But sometimes things work out . I really feel for you , whatever the outcome . I remember going back and forth for years - and honestly , it was really really distracting . I hope things work out . # posted by Elizabeth McClung : 3 : 47 AM I know very little about you , at this point , but one of the arguments I had about coming out was that I am physically not attractive and not particularly well - endowed . I don 't have much money either . So I figured , " Gee , Steve , you can 't attract love or interest , and you can 't afford to buy it . So why come out ? " This post addressed a lot of those instincts . I 'm not coming out for anyone but me - and I 'm doing it because the truth should come out . I love this quote : The closet is not where homosexuals hide - it is where the truth is hidden until we take it out into the light . ( from Rob Eichberg 's classic book Coming Out : An Act of Love . ) And the reason I love it is because it 's true . The more that people know about me , the more they can 't deny that good , decent , loving and caring men are also gay . We aren 't all drug - crazed circuit bois or child - craving pedophiles . We work , we vote , we contribute and we volunteer . We are not sex - crazed monsters - but we are tired of living in a closet , or in a box of celibacy . I 've had to come to my own undersanding of God - one that will take me exactly where I am , and love me unconditionally . I 've had to come to understand that there is no asterisk in the verse God so loved the world * that he sent his only begotten son that says * this means the straight world , moron . God wants me to be happy , joyous and free . No matter what the Christian right says , I didn 't choose this ; I was made this way . If you 'd like to read the thoughts of one closer to your age , check out Geek Boi 's reflections on my post over here . It 's a very worthy read . I 'm just glad you continue to post and struggle . It 's only through the struggle that you 'll find your way to peace , and eventually , to acceptance . Right now I am feeling much more stable than I was yesterday . I can 't let every little bump in my path upset me this much . . . although for me my brother is a big bump . Because I love my brother so much I haven 't set any boundaries and I take everything he says to heart ; I trust him implicitly and tend to assume that he is right and that I am in the wrong . My brother is an intense person ; he focusses on his ministry and not much else , anything that doesn 't align with that is unimportant . While it makes him a great minister it can make him lousy at relationships . Despite our differences , I know he is a man of God , and has gone through a lot to get there . Yesterday I realized that he expects everyone to come to the same conclusions he has , to reach where he is at without the intervening years of experience . I cannot and will not let those expectations be placed on me ; I am where I am at today because God has brought me here , if God wants me to come to the conclusions my brother is at He will bring me there . My job is to follow follow God , not to " become " anything . Expectations have nearly torn me apart before and I won 't let it happen again . No man can say where God will take me and no one has a right to . The only expectation I will live up to is seeking God first in all things . In the end He makes the decisions , not me , my brother or anyone else . If I am doing what I think God wants then I won 't beat myself up when I make a mistake . If God wants me to become straight then He will bring me to the place where I believe that to be His will . Is self - deception possible ? Yes , but I will not let it force me into inaction . Does any of this clear up any confusion for me ? Not really , but it calms the turmoil in my heart . I can sleep easy knowing that God won 't lead me wrong . Jason , I am praying for you in this time of settling into an old place with a new sense of yourself . I imagine it can feel lonely and scary . What impresses me about you is your integrity . It is easy to stuff our feelings and desires , make believe they don 't exist or don 't matter or are less important than others ' needs . From what you write , seems you are willing to be honest with yourself and others , which can help so much in hearing God 's heart . I haven 't written in awhile , I know . I 've just made a move halfway across the world and had to say farewell to many people forever . I 'm kind of in limbo right now , staying in a town I once lived in , but it isn 't and will never be my home . In two and a half months I am off to university and , even though I like seeing my family and old friends , I can 't wait . Right now I am in a bit of a funk . The past two years , and especially the past six months have been all about coming to terms with who I am . These months have been the happest , ever . For the first time I bared my soul and allowed myself to feel . When someone said they loved me I felt it inside of me , instead of just thinking , " Yeah , right . Not if they knew . " When someone hugged me instead of recoiling at their touch because I was unclean , I hugged them back , thinking that maybe , just maybe I deserved to be loved . I actually had some real conversations with my parents . I showed them my heart , who I really was and even though they may disagree my relationship with them is better than ever . And best of all , I really discovered who God was . I discovered that I don 't need to change for him to love me . I can be gay and Christian . It was like all my efforts to change were preventing him from working in me . Now I feel like all of that is slipping away . When I arrived here in the US , I was so sure of myself . I could say I was gay and not cringe . The other night I had a long talk with my older brother . I love him so much . He is a real man of God and has always been there for me . So we are talking and he wants to know what 's up with me , and I tell him ( he already knew I was " struggling with homosexuality ( he was the first I had told ) " ) that I have accepted the fact that I am gay and may never change . First of all he made sure I knew that he loved me . Than he responds , in his most loving manner ( he can be fairly blunt at times and tends to steamroll the opposition ) , saying that it seems like I 've given up because I am afraid of failing . He talked a bit about being decieved and # posted by Jason @ 8 : 39 PM Hey , glad to see you posting again . Sorry about the stuff with your brother . I do not mean any disrespect to him ( or any of the people in my life who feel the same way , for that matter ) , but I cannot understand how people feel that living in a state of self - hatred is better than accepting God 's love , and learning to accept yourself . I cannot say what God wants for your life . . . celibacy , relationship , heterosexuality . . . but I can say that God does not want you to hate yourself . If the last six months of your life have been about accepting your sexuality , then perhaps the next six months should be focused on something else . . . maybe just let the gay thing lie for a while and once you 're over the ' trauma ' of it , then think about it . I don 't really know you , so it 's hard to even think of giving advice ( and if you read my blog , you know , I 'm hardly the person to be doing that anyway ) , but it 's possible the whole thing is too raw right now anyway . Just my thoughts . Have fun in the US ! # posted by JJ : 9 : 43 PM Well , as a person who hated themselves enough to cut for years , I REALLY recommend not going down that road - I mean , I totally understand , sometimes I wake up just craving to demonstrate how much I really hate myself . So maybe you could try some self harm techniques like using ice cubes instead or have a " cutting buddy " someone to call when you want to cut . I am not convinced that when God looks at people , he sees what is bad , I think we do that ( myself excluded of course , as I am SO bad , God hates me , but everyone else he likes ! ) . Maybe it would help to find someone who can explain to you how God sees you . I can already tell that you are articulate , caring , sensative and eager to the point of desperateness to be a good person , to do the right thing . These are the signs of a good person ; perhaps a very fragile person . # posted by Elizabeth McClung : 3 : 53 AM Hi - I found my way here from a link to a link , but was touched with your story . The difference between us , of course , is that I 'm nearly 50 , and I 've been hiding in the church for 15 years - and coming out has been like tearing a bandage off a hairy chest . I know you 're out - but the arguments for coming out and " staying out " are very similar . My friend Tom S . wrote this great post about why being out is best . I highly recommend it . This quote made me want to cry , though : He goes on to use a cancer analogy and says that if he had cancer wouldn 't I want him to get treatment , even if the success rate was very low ? No , as a matter of fact , I wouldn 't , for three reasons . I watched my father spend 2 years fighting tooth and nail against cancer . He spent every waking moment trying to stay alive . He bought a 2 year pass to the YMCA , even when he could no longer get out of bed without assistance . He died anyway and was a complete mess for most of those 24 months . In contrast , 15 years later , I watched my friend Steve spend a year and a half knowing he had cancer , and saying " screw you " to the medical community . He lived five years worth of life in those 18 months , and only spent the last month in real physical distress . He filled his life with people and living , rather than spending it all fighting to stay alive . So no , to your brother 's point , I 'd much rather try to live for what time I 'm alive than spend all my time fighting the dying process . ( In fact , given that the Divine design for humans is for 100 % mortality in this life , I 'd say that fighting God to stay alive might be considered a form of idolatry . . . but I 'll leave that for college theologians to argue about . ) But more than that , all this talk about cancer misses the really important central point : homosexuality is not a disease that needs to be healed . It is the way that your brother 's Creator God made us . We didn 't " give up natural passions " ( Romans 1 : 26 ) ; we never had ' em to begin with , though many have tried to manufacture # posted by Steve : 7 : 09 AM Post a Comment These last two labels are the hardest to write about . I can 't write about one without mentioning the other , so here they are : Jason the gay Christian I was in first grade when I began to realize that I wasn 't the same as the other kids , but I didn 't really think anything of it . As I grew older I found that most of my friends were girls . The other guys would talk about who they had a crush on , but I never had one . At least not on a girl . Even though I was too young to even know the word " gay " or all its connotations , I knew that I had to keep it a secret . By eleven I had gotten the idea that there was something horribly wrong with me . The attitudes I saw in my small , Western town had made this abundantly clear to me . I tried to ignore it and , for the most part , I succeeded . Little realizing the damage I was doing to myself , I made sure to keep it hidden and act like the perfect child . When i was twelve my family moved to the Middle East . At first life in the was an adventure . It was exciting and I loved the newness of it all . That lasted for about three months . Tensions ran high in our home as my older sister made sure that everyone knew how much she hated living there . My little brother followed suit . When I saw how stressed my parents were I didn 't want to add to their burden , so I kept my dislike , and eventual hatred , of my new home to myself . This set me on a path of withdrawing from everybody . No one suspected that I wasn 't a perfectly happy twelve year - old boy . In reality I was extremely unhappy . I was at a British school where it seemed like I would never fit in . The teachers were mocking and overbearing . I remember a teacher shouting at me on my first day of class for making a joke , and being failed in assignments because my " presentation " was bad . Through three years and five different schools life just got worse . I was hated and attacked for being American , and even though my bruises faded , the pain and the loneliness only got worse . My attraction to other guys became stronger as time passed , and # posted by Jason @ 3 : 18 PM # posted by Jason : 11 : 46 PM Hi Jason . Very nice post . It sounds somewhat similar to mine ( the finding the youth group part , though mine wasn 't quite as trying I don 't think ) . Glad to see you blogging . Keep it up , it 's a good outlet and offers a lot of other views . Oh , thanks for the blogroll too . Do you mind if I ask how you found mine ? # posted by Brady : 12 : 29 AM Hi Jason , I believe you 've answered a question I 've been asking for months . . . which was " who is this person who keeps reading my blog in the middle east ? " . . . honestly , I 've been very curious . Anyway , I 'm glad I found you and I look forward to reading more of your posts . I envy your language abilities , I must say . . . I wish I could pick up some Korean ! # posted by JJ : 3 : 58 AM God , your post made me just want to weep . It was like you had been reading my mail for the last three years . All the questioning , all the pain , all the " how the HELL could You have built me this way , God , if it 's not part of Your master plan ? ? ? " It took a while for the simple answer to come to me . He couldn 't . He didn 't . You are acceptable to God . And so am I . So , here I am : a white American third culture kid , ready to take on some more labels . Jason the Polyglot : Ok , I call myself a polyglot more out of pride than anything else . A more accurate term is tri ( ish ) lingual ( English , Arabic and some Latin ) with a smattering of other languages thrown in . I spent time learning Arabic ( and eventually Latin ) and picked up phrases of other languages . Now I kind of have a " love affair " with languages ; I love learning new phrases and can spend hours looking up obscure grammatical rules . Not much else to say here , except this only made me even less " American " culture - wise . Name : Jason Location : The Middle East For those who like the labels here they are : I am white . I am an American . I am a Third Culture Kid . I am a polyglot . I am Christian . I am gay .
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I need some advice ! My husband spends way too much money and I don 't know how to make him stop . He works very hard and definitely deserves to have some freedom with his finances , but it 's getting absolutely ridiculous . It would be different if he actually had something to show for his spending habits , but he doesn 't . All the money he spends is at gas stations and fast food joints . I 've tried packing his lunches for him and baking items that he would want to eat through out the day , but it doesn 't help . It 's to the point where he is spending close to $ 40 A DAY just on junk food and crap . What do I do ? He 's fully aware that it 's putting us in some financial stress , but he just doesn 't seem to care . My ex was like that . He spent money constantly . If we didn 't have it in the bank , he used my credit cards . He had to have everything , dvds , big screen tvs ( yes , he had to have two ) and turntables and all kinds of crap he never used more than once . Guess what ? Now I 'm bankrupt . I begged him for years to knock it off with the spending and he wouldn 't . So when I found out I was pregnant , I left him . I wasn 't going to let my baby suffer because of his spending habits . My husband use to do this . He knew what he was doing but I guess he just could not controll himself to not spend the money . So we agreed that he would not take his ATM card to work anymore . We found a safe place in the house of it and kept it there . That was 4 years ago , we have moved , and he has gotten a great job with lots more money but he still will not take a card to work with him . He will take $ 20 at the start of the week that way if he really wants a snack or to buy a lunch he can . Since we started doing this we have saved 100 's of dollars ! I hope someone can help me with this too . My husband always seemed to be very frugal , but since we had a child ive realized he is not at all frugal . Every morning he buys breakfast and then buys lunch . So daily he wastes at least $ 10 . Then to top it off it bought his " dream " car a year ago , a nice acura . Well he alway had a problem of buying cars fixing them up and then selling them to make a profit but he still doing it with this acura and he never actually makes a profit when he sells it , after you add up all parts and time he puts into them . Recently he bought a gun , his second one and then I saw that he didnt pay our cell phone bill the other day and I called him out on it and said he forgot well now its two days later and its still not paid . I pay the Mortgage , water , electric / gas , comcast and oil bills . All he is responsible for is the cell phones and car ins . I also buy groceries etc . I am constantly asking him for more money to pay our bills because he makes more than me but yet he doesnt have any money to give me . I NEED HELP WITH THIS ! ! He says its my fault that I spend too much on groceries and our daughter , well I cut back way back , and I have been doing so since Xmas and I only shop with coupons and at our outlet grocer now and I still am living paycheck to paycheck . How do I explain to him he needs to stop ? It 's also hard when HE cashes his check , and only allots me $ 700 for everything that isn 't taking him to work . That means he gets $ 500 from each paycheck for whatever he wants it to be for , while my $ 700 is supposed to pay for bills , food , clothes , gas , and everything for our 8 person family . Fair ? Not hardly . And I frankly DO NOT have enough money to do all that I 'm supposed to . I juggle bills , I economize , but where is there LEFT to economize ? I haven 't even bought light bulbs in months , for goodness sake ! First of all , it 's not his finances . . . the money belongs to both of you ! You need to sit down and write a family budget together and agree on spending , saving , giving , etc . . . Dave Ramsey has a fantastic program called Financial Peace University . It 's tough to do but completly works . We are debt free and on the same page when it comes to our finances . It really needs to be a joint effort , it will never work any other way . Good luck ! my fiance doesnt spend too much on food with him its movies . so we made a deal that at the end of the month after all bills are paid . we see how much we have left last month it was 500 so we took 250 out and he got 125 and i got 125 to spend on whatever . the other 250 we saved for necessaties until payday . some months its only 20 - 50 per person depending but we make it work My husband is the EXACT same way ! ! I feel for you , unfortunately I don 't have any advice except printing out your bank statements and highlighting everything that is bills in one color and " wasted money " in another . Add up the totals and just let him see it . I did it once and you really have to be careful how you approach them or they get defensive but it opened my husbands eyes for about a month haha Hmmm . I would pretty much murder my husband if he were doing this everyday . No exaggeration . I 'm really cheap . He went through a phase when we first left university and had real jobs in which he spent too much . I was trying to save a downpayment for a house and he 's out buying treats for himself all the time and wondering where the money went . So I just stuck to my budget and showed him my account info and said that clearly the missing money is being spent by him . That woke him up . If that doesn 't do it , I don 't know what to tell you . If he knows what he 's doing and doesn 't stop , maybe you need a third party to drive the message home . I know my husband buys lunch here and there , but it 's more like once a week than once a day . I take my daughter out for lunch once a week , so we both enjoy a treat . It 's not so one - sided that way . Did you ever write it down for him like so : $ 40 a day $ 200 a week ( still sounds like not so much ) $ 200 a week times 52 weeks in a year = $ 10400 ! ! ! ! ! ! Has he seen that number ? I can 't imagine how that wouldn 't change someone 's tune . That is a lot of money . Heck , that would pay off half my student loans . Stop juggling his bills . If he wants a cell phone , tell him the household budget doesn 't allow it anymore and he 'll have to pay it himself . Selfiness is no reason to be a jerk to his own children . Just because he " works " doesn 't give him extra priveleges . Nothing drives me more nuts than people who think that a SAHM should not be given the same respect as someone who goes to an outside job . Take what you are alloted and provide food and necessities for you and your children . Tuck a little bit away ( even if it 's $ 10 it 'll add up ) for holidays , clothes , emergencies or as a special treat for yourself and the kids when it 's needed . You 're right , it 's not fair but that doesn 't mean you have to accept it . Pay what is necessary for survival . Food , gas , electricity , heat and if there is extra pay another bill , if not , don 't . @ Jane - Wow , that is pure selfishness on his part . He can spend his $ 500 a week on whatever he wants , and gives you $ 700 a week to take care of all the kids , bills , etc ? ? ? I want to make sure I read that right ! ! LOL ! Thats insane . Thats $ 2 , 000 a month just for him , what does he need that much money for ? Even if he spent $ 40 a day on junk food , That still leaves plenty of money that should go to you for family expenses . There is no way I could deal with that , ever . Have you talked to him and showed him all of your expenses for the family needs ? If he is that self centered , maybe it will take someone outside of the home to open his eyes and let him know that is completely ridiculous , self centered , and unacceptable ! Good luck with that , your a stronger women then I could ever be , I could not put up with that for 1 minute ! Y ' know , it 's not the food . It 's the PS3 and games for the stupid thing . It 's the EXTRA munchies , bought at convenience store rather than grocery store prices , it 's the $ 1 . 50 bottle of pop from the machine at work instead of the $ . 50 can from home . . . it 's the DVD 's every week . . . $ 40 may not be much , but it 's a tank of gas in my van , or two in his car . It 's 3 home - cooked meals . It 's 2 meals out for the family . It 's 4 packages of diapers . It 's . . . more money we don 't have . That 's $ 160 a month , y ' know ? $ 160 / month is a payment on something . My husband has issues when he is gone on drill or deployed , its like when ever he is away he doesnt seem to remember he has two kids to support and needs to wise with his money . he has a bank card that goes to a joint account and i just make sure that all our money isnt in it tell him you have X amount of dollars and i am not putting more money in it till such and such a day . . . but its different when they are away there have been a few times he has had an " emergency " and i had to make sure he got extra money but when he is gone he almost always has everything he needs and really only needs the extra money for junk like your husband . i know its fustrating and will keep you in my prayers oh man i was the same way . it so bad with his spending every dime we almost lost everything . we have a five year old and at the time one on the way . i pulled us out i got us back on track and i dont even work . i had the money put away and just had do it . ive also had to do it twice more since then and refuse to anymore . i had to lay it to him flat and show him everything we were going through that he didnot want to face . i had him tears but i had too i had already tired everything else . the bank card thing , making his lunches , closing the accounts and keeping the money , do it all myself . . . . . none of it worked . . . . . we are doing great now and he is doing it . i do let him go crazy once a month but there is a limit and every pay check we do one outing so he does not feel he is working and not getting to spend . ( i do still watch over everything VERY carefully ) $ 40 a day is alot and completely unnecessary . Yes they have to eat but lets get real . 4 years ago I was the only working parent because my ex couldn 't find work and I had a $ 10 a day budget for food and drinks . Your home and family should be priority , it 's not hard to eat cheap . Ladies , give your men a bit of a break . My husband spends money on gas station food and fast food , but he works on the road . Sometimes , even if he packs a lunch , it 's hard for him to eat when his lunch breaks aren 't at the shop . He works hard , and yes , sometimes it does set us back some , but he has to eat . I 'd rather be $ 20 - $ 40 behind than him to be hungry at work . If I have to economize somewhere else , then so be it . I think you have to look at the situation . If he is spending it when it isn 't needed , yeah , I can see being upset , but if his choice is eat or don 't eat , lets not beat them up too bad . My husband handles all the finances now . We were in the hole almost every week at first because he doesn 't understand all those small $ 10 debits add up . But he is getting better finally ! I told him he could deal with the kids and I would go to work then he wouldn 't be able to say " I make the money why can 't I spend it " . Now he keeps some CASH out of his check and when thats gone he doesn 't buy anything else . I went through the EXACT same thing . . . . he accused me of hiding money also . GAH ! That 's why I finally asked my dad ( who he respects a lot and fears just a lil ' . . . enough to make him wake up and listen . . . lmao ) to help us come up with a budget that works . Hopefully you can find some way to make him SEE the error of his ways . I 'm here if you need to vent . . . No . And YES , I 'm frustrated . Because I don 't bring in the income , and because he doesn 't deal with daily / weekly / monthly spending , he doesn 't keep up with what things cost and acts like I 'm spending more on purpose . To piss him off . Or hiding money from him . There 's none to hide . NONE . You sound REALLY frustrated Jane . . . . . perhaps you can try and find a neutral party outside your relationship to help you guys do up a budget . What you 're describing sounds obsurd to me . Can 't make you feel very good ? ! My hubby is the same . He spends easily $ 50 a week on crap at work , and I get $ 1400 out of his $ 2880 to buy groceries and my gas , pay bills and support every need of an 8 member family . ( yes , we have 6 kids at home , one is on her own now ) . It makes me insane , and doesn 't matter when tell him that frankly , our non - negotiable bills are more than that , and I need an extra $ 500 / month ! ! ! Things are more expensive now ( he likes to say , " We made it on $ 300 / week not too long ago " - yes , but that was then . The kids were smaller , they ate less , and I juggled bills like there was no tomorrow because you were on unemployment ! ! ! ! ! ) I refuse to let him come shopping with me ever . He 's like " let 's get this let 's get that come on we need to stock up the pantry " . He doesn 't even cook and I just buy what I need for the week instead of having stuff sit there for months , forget we have it and never use it . Haha ! I tried putting my hubby in charge . . . . needless to say things got much worse before they got better . lmao ! I wish you the best of luck . . . . . I guess the FIL fear was enough . My hubby LOVES and respects my dad very much so when I asked my dad for help doing up a budget it wasn 't because I couldn 't do it but because I had a feeling my hubby would be more receptive to it coming from his FIL . Let us know how it plays out ! You 're very welcome ! Hope it works out for you ; that 's the one thing we had to learn - - both parties need to be aware of what the finances are like . It 's important that both of you feel you have a certain amount of money to spend at your own discretion , but you don 't need to be stressing out because there 's not enough money for something important later on . Even if his spending isn 't actually causing immediate problems , that 's money that could be going into savings in case of future need , like a major appliance that breaks down suddenly , or car problems , or even emergency travel . Tracy , THANK YOU ! You said one small thing that just might do it ! " But you may have to hit him upside the head with exactly how much he 's spending before he 's willing to work with you on this ! Make him do the math - - what his paycheck is , what your non - negotiable bills are , and what kind of a dent his spending is making in the rest of it " . I 'm always the one who sits down and figures out the finances . I 'm taking your advice . It 's his turn now . Hopefully he will see exactly how his spending habits are hurting us . Thank you to everyone else too ! We have tried leaving the bank cards at home ( I actually don 't even have one anymore ) and using cash , but it does not work for him . He tried it for a couple days , decided it was " unsafe " and went to the nearest branch to get another card . I would LOVE for that to work , but this man is just to stubborn . I had the same problem for a while with my hubby ! I had to pull a bank statement and highlight all his " little " gas station buys . He was truly shocked ; he didn 't even think about them because they were all less than $ 10 each , but when you 're making four or five stops a day , 5 or 6 days a week , that adds up ! So we agreed on a weekly allowance for each of us , and he left his ATM card at home - - I took out the allowance money and his gas money weekly . Eventually , he got used to it and he no longer has that issue . But you may have to hit him upside the head with exactly how much he 's spending before he 's willing to work with you on this ! Make him do the math - - what his paycheck is , what your non - negotiable bills are , and what kind of a dent his spending is making in the rest of it . Tough love really does work ! If he knows he 's putting the family into financial stress , he should be willing to sit down and work out a budget . I mean , he seriously doesn 't want to lose everything over this does he ? He should be aware that the number one cause of divorce is financial issues . I 'm not saying your marriage isn 't strong enough to survive . But it 's a fact you both should be aware of . We sat down together and made a zero based budget . That means that every penny is designated before the paycheck comes home . We know exactly how much we are going to save , put towards debt , give to the church , and spend on bills , groceries and extras before payday even rolls around . For spending on groceries and extras , we withdrawal the exact amount of cash we have set aside for that purpose . When the money is gone , it 's gone . That helps us be very mindful of our spending . Sit down and make up a budget that includes everything you need money for in a pay period . See what you have extra . The sit down with him and show him what the extra is . Decide between yourselves , what extra will be for his fast food and gas station splurges . Then he gets that amount IN CASH . I hope one of these suggestions from these ladies works for you . Good luck . OMG ! I 'm in the same boat ! He makes the money and I TRY and control it . Things have become EXTREMELY tight over the past year as my boyfriend lost his job and hasn 't been able to find steady work since . . . . pay cheques have been sporatic and we 've even had to borrow some money to catch up . We 've since had my dad do up a formal budget so we BOTH know where the finances are going . Even though he makes the money and works hard he 's been given an allowance so to speak . He only gets 25 $ / week for all his extra spending . . . . coffee 's , fast food etc while he 's out ! We can 't spare more than 100 $ / mo so he just has to make it work until our situation changes ! Good luck ! Oh dear , my partner is exactly like this . He doesn 't even understand and always thinks it 's me that spends money on too many groceries and I don 't even get my hair dyed , new clothes , new shoes or even eyebrows waxed professionally anymore . I think we should just start spending more money on ourselves ! I know how that is for sure . . . My hubby is the nly one that works so he has an 14 - 16 hr day . But he ends up buying a snack before work , a breakfast somewhere , some snacks for later , and lunch . Normally by the end of the day he ends up spending $ 30 or so . I asked him to keep his reciepts for a week . At the end of the week I added it all up . $ 150 + on snacks and food ! ! I told him that we were wasting over $ 600 a month on junk . We decided that all snacking will be bought on our grocery budget and that cut out a little . A couple times a week I would have him eat something from home . That cut the " food spending " down quite a bit . Now because you husband is fully aware of the situation and you have talked to him about it . The only thing that could change him is himself . Just be strait up and honest and tell him not only is it putting the financial strain on you guys but that type of habit is very unhealthy . Try to see if you can work out a food schedule and just ask if he would make the effort to try it . My husband always has said it takes 30 days to get over a habit , after that it comes natural . Ladies , do you know of a good sippy cup that doesn 't leak ? I am reading the reviews and a lot of them say they leak . I need a good sippy cup ! Budgets - Would anyone have any ideas to keep my husband and . . . Would anyone have any ideas to keep my husband and myself on the same budget . Money . . . Money Issues - So , if you are in a relationship , who is in . . . So , if you are in a relationship , who is in control of the money ? What sort of issues . . . How does a stay at home non - working mom buy her husband a . . . This is my first year being a stay at home mom , my daughter is 7months old now . Still . . .
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Cloudburst also held a lot of memories for me , as this was another one of Dom and I 's go - to camping spots . In fact , we 'd just had a wonderful evening there two days prior , and I smiled at the love and gratitude I felt in my heart . I came around the first turn , where we 'd legitimately showered on the trail ( thanks to this ) and I realized that there was no possible way I could love my life and our lifestyle any more right now . The race was simply a celebration of all the fun disguised as training we 'd had this year , and I was utterly happy . Unfortunately , my legs were not utterly happy as well , and this " easy " section felt less easy than all the tough climbs I 'd already completed . I reasoned that this must be normal , given the nature of the course , and that I just needed to stay strong and carry on . I turned on some tunes and got into a good rhythm of running and singing , which brought back my smile . But even still , I was on the brink of something terribly wrong . I 'm not sure exactly when it started , and I know there wasn 't one thing that did it - but eventually I came to the realization that my knee was hurting . And this largely downhill section was not helping one bit . Again , I was forced to slow my pace to slower than I liked or knew I was capable of . This was absolutely maddening . Here I was , on a section I 'd looked forward to all day , and I couldn 't do shit . Still , I hoped that things would turn around and that I just needed a change of terrain - but with each step , the pain was growing and my hope was diminishing . I ran through Glenwood and was filled with conflicting emotion . On one hand , I 'd made it through the heat of the day and the elevation of the high country . I was hurting , but I was still moving . And memories swirled of the weekend spent running from Glenwood , when I proved to myself how strong I was . Yet , on the other hand , I was not moving at a pace that was going to catch me up from the time I 'd lost in Cooper , and I felt my sub - 24 finish slipping away . I had to remind myself that finishing was the true goal and as such , I pressed on , despite the increasing disagreement of my knee . Eventually , my friend George caught up and ran with me for a bit . He said he 'd had some trouble through the day , but that he felt great - and he looked it too . We were still making great time by his calculations and his hope was inspiring , but I think that deep down I knew that this was only the beginning of larger troubles to come . Normally , I 'm super optimistic about low points because I know that it will always get better ( as George was now demonstrating ) , but this was different . This was a problem that I started with and I knew that the reality was that it would only get worse . Even still , I deeply believed I was 100 % capable of dealing with the pain I felt now and that I could still turn in a decent time if I just kept doing everything I could . So I twisted and turned and winded down towards Three Points , legitimately looking forward to climbing Hilyer . I finally popped up to the aid station ( mile 42 . 72 - still not even halfway ) just as George was leaving and plopped down on the bench next to an ailing Sean O ' Brien . He seemed to be in a similar world of hurt . My dad had cut up some cantaloupe for me ( my favorite ! ) which was a nice surprise and tasted magnificent with a little ice cold Coke . I took a few moments to regroup , hit the bathroom and level with my crew . At this point , all I told them was that my knee was starting to bother me a bit , but that I was still okay and would continue to do my best . And so I carried on … The situation post - Station Fire , on an equally ominousday earlier this year I wound my way down the next section of trail , resolved to keep my form strong and my body moving forward at the best pace I could . But there were signs , my friends . There were ominous signs . Purple poodle dog bush began choking the trail as I entered the fire ravaged areas of the Angeles Forest . The trail was open and exposed and flanked with blackened trees , in stark contrast to the lush pine of the high country . And to really drive the point home , I might add that I almost stepped on the severed leg of what I best guess was a coyote . Basically , it was just way too early for things to be getting this weird . The road signifying the next segment of my journey just never seemed to come , and I was alone in my endeavor . Eventually , I did reach the road and eventually I did reach the top of Mt . Hilyer , which also signified the halfway - ish point of the race ( mile 49 ) . I ran a great majority of the climb , which I was proud of in my given state and which proved that I had not given up . I did a time check and reasoned that my 24 hour finish was officially a wash , but 26 - 28 hours was still within reason and reach . That was actually 100 % okay with me , and I reached the aid station in pretty good spirits , all things considering . I was happy for some ice cold water to soak my Buff and some more ice for my bandana and I downed a few cups of Gatorade , having been disheartened by an exceptionally dark pee situation . Hal ( the RD ) told me I was doing really well , and even better , that Dom was enroute to a miraculous comeback up front . They were around Shortcut and Dom was gaining on Jorge . This definitely pumped me up and I left Horse Flats , where the Hilyer aid station was set up on another one of our rogue campsites , determined to make a comeback myself and beat this knee thing . Mind over matter . Ah yes , but the matter was just not improving . Somewhere along the steep rocky descent into Chilao , the nagging turned to stabbing . And the stabbing eventually brought me to a halt on more than one occasion . No . No . NO . This was not happening . I remembered how just a few months prior I had run so hard down this section that when I clipped a rock and went tumbling , Mari was sure I had broken something . And now I 'm pretty sure that I wouldn 't even scratch myself if I fell - I 'd just sort of crumple into a melodramatic heap , reminiscent of the Wicked Witch of the West . I went on this way for awhile , and then suddenly there it was . " The choice " was a two stage process , and the result would be whether or not I continued this race . Out there , alone and in an increasing amount of pain , things got very real , and I knew that to finish the remaining 50 miles would require me to ask way more of my body that it was in any shape to give . So the first thing I had to decide was if I was really , truly willing and prepared to suffer . To welcome in more pain than I have ever known or even considered , just for the sake of finishing what I started . This decision was actually relatively simple . Knowing that I was likely not doing any permanent damage and promising myself that I would take the time to fully heal once the race was over , the choice was clear : fucking bring it . Now , the second part … the second part was a bit more sticky . As I thought about it - I mean really , seriously explored the decisions , the motivations , the implications and the possible outcomes - I realized that this was one of life 's defining moments . My choice would speak volumes about the kind of person and runner I was - not just to others ; most wouldn 't judge either way - but to myself . Loud and clear , I was about to learn something really important about who I was . I just needed to decide if my ego could handle going from the front of the pack to the back . Because over the next 50 miles , that would most assuredly happen . It already was . And I was honest to God doing the very best I could with every step I took . No one would blame me for dropping . Hell , a lot of people couldn 't even believe I started not being able to bend my knee and all taped up at the check - in . ( In retrospect , now that the blind ambition has cleared , I can 't even believe I did it . ) They 'd see the growing , swelling mass that had replaced the joint in the middle of my left leg and tell me I was smart not to continue and that I was a hero for making it this far . Ultimately , they 'd still be proud of me . But would I be proud of me ? Like I said , I can 't reiterate enough that I knew I was not doing any permanent damage . If that were the case , I would 've dropped immediately . I 'm not an idiot . And besides , the pain in my heart was much greater right now . I had trained for this race all year . I 'd watched my body change as my legs grew stronger , my lungs more powerful and my mind more resolute . I 'd morphed into a runner who truly believed in herself and who many believed could even win the whole thing . I was truly capable of doing great work today , and I was doing it too ! That was , until this knee thing crept up . Now , I was just doing OK things and for a large part of me , that was honestly not enough . The truth is , I 've never really had a great race . One where I 've really run to the full potential that I 've demonstrated in my training . There 's always a stupid mistake , or crazy weather situation or some other unplanned , unanticipated thing that keeps me from the time and place I know I 'm capable of . And deep down , I really believed that it was all to better prepare me to have the race of my life thanks to all that I 'd learned . Well , long ago , back in the fledgling months of the year , I had decided that the 2011 Angeles Crest 100 was going to be that race for me . It just had to be . And yet , somehow , it totally wasn 't . I needed to decide if I was OK with that , and it was hurting my head . I continued stumbling down the rocky , bouldery , dropp - off - y trail down through the burn area and towards my crew . God , it hurt . My mind swirled right along with the scenery as I contemplated whether or not just finishing would be enough for me . I now doubted even my worst - case scenario of 28 hours was possible and actually knew chasing cutoffs could likely become a reality . I wasn 't going to live up to the runner everyone , including myself , thought I could be . I was now in a battle of survival . I thought about my crew gathered at Chilao - selflessly following me around all weekend , taking care of my every need . For them , just finishing would be enough . I thought about all my other friends , either running , crewing or just out to cheer - part of the hundreds of people who had been screaming my name and encouraging me along my selfish journey - just ' cause they 're awesome like that . They wouldn 't care if I finished DFL - they 'd still support me . I thought about my family , all of whom had traveled here to be there for this day in my life - not knowing or understanding anything in particular about the endeavor other than it was important me . You 're damn right they 'd still be proud of me , even if I walked the rest of the whole thing . I thought about my brother , who probably understood the concept of survival better than anyone there . Though he 'd never agree , I kind of owed it to him to see the race through before he left to go fight a much more important battle . Anything less would be cowardly by comparison . I thought of Dom - the one person who could possibly know the mental warfare that was currently waging in my mind and how much this day meant to me . He was also the one person who would truly understand what I went through to finish and he would respect me for it . Finally , I thought of myself . I thought about who I was , what I stood for and what was truly important to me . I thought about why I was there , what was driving me and how far I 'd come . I thought about who I wanted to be . There was a time in my life , not too long ago , where I physically could not run . There was a time when it didn 't look too likely that I 'd be able to even start this race , much less finish it . Now , though it wasn 't how I imagined , I was on my way to physically finishing this race . All I had to do was leave Chilao . Believe it or not , all the excessive soul searching occurred over only what was roughly 2 . 8 miles . It also consumed my entire being , and as such , I was greatly confused when I heard an unmistakable , " It 's Katie ! " from whom I later determined to be Carol Bowman . I turned the corner and was upon the buzzing aid station and ushered onto the scales . I was seven pounds down , which I could only attribute to the loss of all my pride and dignity somewhere on the decent off of Hilyer . I had paid great attention to my fluids and nutrition all day , so I had no clue how this could otherwise happen . Nevertheless , I agreed with the medics that I could be approaching a not so great situation . I guess these mountains were really taking it out of me . Literally . Chilao , mile 52 . 8 , was hopping with crews and spectators and lots of SoCal Coyotes who 'd come out to cheer us on . I wanted to soak up more of the amazing energy there , but alas , I had to focus on soaking up the calories and fluids instead . I explained the reality of the situation to my crew , but they already understood . Things were going to be different this evening , but there was no talk , nor would there ever be , of dropping . Instead we talked about the highly plausible case that a baby yucca was actually growing inside of my knee , given the ridiculous knot protruding from my left leg . We laughed and I left . That was it . The best part about the rest of my painful journey was that I would no longer be going it alone . I had my first of three pacers along with me , and little did I know , I 'd planned the timing of their arrival absolutely perfectly . There was no one better to remind me of the importance of earning the finish line , regardless of time , than June Caseria . A month prior I had forced my knee to cooperate so that I could pace June to her first 100 mile finish at Western States . June had struggled on and off with a foot injury , and it unsurprisingly had flared up by the time I picked her up at Bath Road , mile 60 . Gingerly picking our way down Cal Street , we were only 10 minutes ahead of the cutoff and it became glaringly apparent that we weren 't going to make it . I leveled with June on what was going down and what we had to do , and after fixing what we could with ' apparel adjustments ' and duct tape , she put her head down and got to work . What was most impressive to me was that she did not complain or cry out or become negative ; rather she pushed beyond her limits and did what she needed to do . By Green Gate , we were almost 40 minutes ahead of the cutoff . June continued to earn every single step of the rest of the course and crossed the finish line at Placer High in 29 : 50 - something . It was inspiring . And for me , I would remain resolute and draw upon her strength , now in my own world of pain . June did an amazing job of encouraging my progress and keeping me from walking too long on the flats / downhills when the pain flared up . I was very much enjoying the conversation as a nice distraction to what was going on internally . It was also nice to hear how everyone else was doing and how my friends and family 's day had gone , since I 'd never had enough time in the aid stations to check in on that stuff . Amazingly , I even passed a couple runners here who were much worse for the wear than I - physically and mentally out of it . I was most assuredly still in this , on all accounts . The sun was beginning to set as I popped up at Shortcut Saddle , mile 59 . 3 , and the colors hitting the huge expanse of Station Fire burn was very Tim Burton - esque . i . e . beautiful in a totally creepy , but hauntingly mesmerizing way . I should have been through here hours ago and was glad I 'd packed an extra headlamp for my now worse than worst - case scenario . That said , the plan was to get in and out of here with a smile - just as it had been all along . I sat for a few minutes to switch out my bottles and get some calories down , and then did just that . No one on my crew or in my family questioned my ability to carry on or my sanity . They simply echoed my facial expression . Before leaving , I got some of the best news I had received all day . Dom had just arrived into Chantry . First . It sounds really cheesy , but this truly renewed my spirit and I left seriously pumped up . That 's love , kids . The 5 mile , hard - packed fire road descent which lied immediately ahead was going to be tough on a good day . It was going to be tougher on a hard day . It was going to be damn near impossible on a day where going downhill was the one thing that had been crippling me for over a month . Nevertheless , pacer extraordinnaire # 2 , in the form of Erin Maruoka , and I got to it and I vowed to myself that I would not walk this shit . Little breaks were fine , but I was going to run to the river if it killed me . Obviously , it wasn 't going to actually cause death , so I requested that Erin ignore my little shrieks of pain and just tell me stories about anything and everything . I couldn 't participate much , as my heart rate had now officially achieved out of control status in response to the pain , but her voice provided a welcome distraction . The sun had gone down , but I was soaked with a cold sweat and I really had to focus to try and control my erratic breathing . In short , I was a hot mess . To make matters awesome , the river just never seemed to come and at this point , I wanted the river more than I have ever wanted anything in my whole life . I wish I was kidding . Finally , FINALLY we heard the roar of the West Fork of the San Gabriel River and dumped out at the crossing . The water was freezing and caused my legs to cramp a bit , but I didn 't care because the godforsaken downhill was over . Furthermore , it reminded me that I was about to close another chapter of my journey - the creepy , burned section - and start working on the final pages . In a few miles , the terrain would shift again - this time to densely packed woods , filled with flowing streams and steep , rocky single track and though challenging , I was looking forward to the change . But for now , I just had to get up to Newcomb 's . I had done this climb in the heat , with loads of miles on my legs , and I 'd run the whole thing . Though now in an entirely different and much more compromising situation , I vowed that I would run as much as possible . As an added encouragement , my friend Diana was catching up to me , and though I was in no position to win - I was also in no position to be passed . I still had a bit of fire left . On a related note , I also remembered my goal to reach Chantry before Dom finished , and if nothing else , that dream was still very much alive . And so Erin and I pushed up to Newcomb 's Saddle , head down and mind resolved . Perhaps I got a little behind on calories , or perhaps I was just losing my ever loving mind - but when I hit the aid station at mile 68 , I felt depleted - physically , mentally and emotionally exhausted . I saw my family and friends on the big screen , happy to see me and sending nothing but love and support from a mere 7 1 / 2 miles away . But I knew what that 7 1 / 2 miles would entail , and I was beginning to panic . So I made a quick joke about them making the mistake of giving my mom a microphone and walked away from the camera . I could feel tears stinging the back of my eyes , and I didn 't want them to see me like this . Apparently , I didn 't move far enough away and they could see that I was shoving a stick of Body Glide in the general vicinity of my girl things . With this , they marveled at how I must still be so mentally " in it " that I had the fortitude to move away from the camera where I would have treated all of Chantry Flats to a quite graphic show . So in reality , I had done the exact opposite of what I feared . Point : Me . I could tell I was a bit out of it here , and knew I probably wasn 't taking in enough calories for what my body was going through . I couldn 't really do solids , so I double fisted some broth and Coke which obviously tasted delicious together . Then Erin and I went along our merry little way . Minus the " merry " part . It was here that things really , officially unraveled . As I navigated the fireroad down to the turnoff at Newcomb 's pass , the pain began to mimic the very feeling I had when the stabbing originally occurred down in Vincent Gulch . I grasped to focus and harden my mind , but eventually one stride over the rocky terrain brought me to the ground . I fell to the side of the trail in the weeds , and honestly began struggling to breathe it hurt so bad . Erin came to my side and worked on calming me down , telling me we could stay there as long as we needed , but that I would get back up and finish this race . At this point , Diana and her pacer caught up and after stopping to see if I was okay , moved ahead . I began to wonder how many more millions of people would pass me before I got to Altadena . . . you know , since there were obviously millions of people in this race . The key thing to note here , though , is that I still was not doubting my ability to physically get myself to the finish line . And as such , I got up and we started walking . First , I was horrified that I 'd broken down so severely . I highly regard Erin as one of the toughest women I know - both physically and mentally - and as such , I was embarrassed for her to see me in that state . I had told myself I would not allow any tears during this race , but they had come and I couldn 't stop them . That said , I realized I actually felt a little better just releasing it all - admitting that I was in a world of hurt , rather than trying to fake a more ideal situation ; but that I would continue . And so , at this point , I decided to confide in Erin my dark thoughts and release those to be heard no more as well . What I told her was that I was fully accepting of the way things had played out , the fact that I was going to finish much slower than anticipated and that I was suffering so greatly . But a part of me was angry as hell . I 'd trained my ass off for this day and was in wicked shape to do something amazing . I 'd felt light as a feather during a flawless first half of the race . I was after that silver buckle , and I 'd worked harder than I 'd ever worked in my life . And yet some stupid freak accident had completely wrecked my big plans . Not an overtraining injury , not a careless mistake , not a result of prioritizing something else over my running . Nope . I had been cock blocked by a plant . And it wasn 't fair . Fitting that my parents were here , because my whole life they have loved to remind me that life isn 't fair . And I totally agree , which is why I wasn 't going to just give up , go home and pout on the account of not having the day I " deserved . " I knew this next section was going to be hard . Actually , it was going to completely blow to be honest , but I was going to have to just take it one step at a time and be at peace with the fact that at least I was moving forward . Erin was amazing at encouraging me down the steep , rocky descent into Big Santa Anita Canyon and I am so thankful for her patience . She assured me that what I was doing was meaningful and necessary . . . even inspiring , but even still , I couldn 't completely shake the feelings of embarrassment at what I 'd become . It was hard to be taking this section so slow when I 'd practiced it so many times , flying down and around and off the walls . Nevertheless , we pushed our way down to the stream as I pushed the negative voices out of my mind . Not repressed and hid . But really let them go . I remained resolute , focused and committed to still reaching my goal as fast as I possibly could . In short , it was still a race . I began thinking of next year , when I 'd arrive at this point much earlier and call upon this very moment and how bad I felt , and know that I could handle the pain it would take to chase down the leader refuse to relent until I reached the city . I now fully believed Erin - this was important and I was definitely going to finish . If I remember correctly , once in the canyon , I began running for longer stretches at a time with less shriek - filled ouch fests that required halts in the RFM . I do distinctly recall Erin being quite impressed with my ability to rock / log hop across all the water crossings with ease , especially after we saw a dude totally eat it and get dunked . Style points . After a great , longer than ever while , we reached the bridge that signified the half mile climb on the road up to Chantry Flats . It would be the last time I could see my crew , and I knew that once I left , there was no turning back . The absolutely absurd thing about Angeles Crest is that when you are 3 / 4 done with the race , you are actually only 2 / 3 done with the climbing . While many races , most in fact , give you a bit of a break in the last quarter . . . with maybe some nice downhill or at least diminishing the climbs only to rollers , AC hits you with a long , 1 , 000 ft / mile trek up Mt . Wilson followed by another 2k or so climb out of the subsequent canyon . Then you get some downhill , but it 's the rockiest , most overgrown , steepest , nastiest shit you 've seen all day and you get to do it with 90 + miles on your legs . You see why I signed up for this . That lying ahead , I put my head down and ran / power hiked up the steep hill , hearing the roar of the aid station above . After a few minutes , Erin ran ahead to alert my crew and get things ready , and I took the few moments alone to really absorb the experience . I switched off my headlamp under the clear , dark sky and took deep , fulfilling breaths of the clean , pine scented air . This was where I wanted to be . This was who I wanted to be . I turned the final corner and approached the large , stone steps , the lights glaring in my eyes . I had reached mile 75 of the hardest thing I 've ever done and there was no stopping me now . PeterSeptember 28 , 2011 at 3 : 18 PM " I had been cock blocked by a plant . And it wasn 't fair . " love this . great read . so awesome to relive what you went through during parts of the race where we only saw you at the aid stations . revealing and very honest . very cool indeed . ReplyDeleteRunnerchiq . . . November 9 , 2011 at 4 : 01 PMKatie , I freaking LOVE YOU . I commented before , but it was unfortunately lost to the blogosphere - it 's alright though , cuz how I feel hasn 't changed a bit . YOU are so amazing - we all see what you 're capable of - your mad trail running skillz and your pure love for it are completely infectious to those around you . You are a beautiful , strong - willed , fun person , and I was so stoked to help you out there in any way you needed it . I have no doubt you 're going places ( winning RDL 50K ? ! ! ) once you deal with those random setbacks like yucca babies and the 3P 's . You are insanely talented and can CLEARLY achieve anything you set your mind to ! ! ReplyDeleteAdd commentLoad more . . .
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One day Khemraj " Cowfly " Chanderpaul got vexed . He was a fisherman and a talented cricketer living on the northern coast of South America near where the Mahaica river drains into the Atlantic . The thing that vexed Khemraj was that in his village club team other guys were not making runs . The son was Shivnarine . He was a quiet , fine boy - fine in Guyana meaning thin . This was the early 1980s , when Forbes Burnham had choked Guyana , among the western hemisphere 's poorer nations , with rigged elections and a severely closed economy . " Years was hard the time when he start playin ' . You nah get to buy gear - it not available ! You got to beg somebody and trade , and they don 't bring it because they scared . So me had all them ole pads and me just cut them , you know , and tie up he hand , and he ribs . Soon he start to learn to play . He used to have a bat , the handle break , and I bound it up with bamboo and them sarta t ' ing . Then after the amount of practise wha ' he get , I put he in a helmet . I develop the trainin ' from eight years . He learn the basic first . But everything he develop , he develop by he natural . " We will see how he develop . But for now , something else . Khemraj then trained Shivnarine 's son . Tagenarine Chanderpaul , 18 , known also as Brandon , has played for Guyana alongside Shivnarine . There is a chance that he might do the same for West Indies . Which means that the life and career of Shivnarine is as mind - boggling to contemplate as it seems . Except nobody does much contemplate it . Shivnarine slides low . Chez Chanderpaul : from left , Lianna , Ciara , Khemraj , Brandon Shivnarine is a marvel . He is in the 41st year of his life , his 21st in international cricket . He has comfortably outlasted giants who began after him , among them Rahul Dravid , Ricky Ponting and Jacques Kallis . Only one other current Test cricketer made his debut in the 1990s : Rangana Herath , who debuted five years after Shivnarine , and has played 101 Tests fewer . No great batsman in history has played so long for a side so poor . Few have been this hard to dismiss . When the great fire or flood finishes the world and cricket , there is no guarantee Shivnarine will not still be at the crease 87 not out . Some day much before that , he will dig a bail into the crease , claim some variation or another of his grotesquely endearing stance and in the course of an equanimous innings score his 11 , 954th run to become the highest run getter in the West Indian Test annals . At that stage the next three in line will be Brian Lara , Vivian Richards and Garfield Sobers . It will be a triumph of resistance , which is as heroic a value as adventure , in life and in sport . It is doubtful Shivnarine contemplates this point . He is slung in a hammock in the yard of his family home , his third child , three - year - old Ciara ( Hindu name Damini ) settling into sleep on his thigh , and Shiv is trying to keep things quiet , pulling the string hung from the beam above to a lullaby rhythm . There are ambient sounds of the Guyanese country : goats bleating , roosters crowing , gusts of Atlantic breeze , a man in a tempo hawking balanja - okra - squash - pumpkin - karaila on a megaphone , and a village drunk making hollering conversation . " Check me back later , man , " Shivnarine tells him . " If I pass and I see yuh , I give you somethin ' . " The village is called Unity . There is a simple profundity in Guyanese village names , formed in the aftermath of slavery and indentureship . When Shivnarine thinks of growing up in Unity he thinks of the village games , between Unity Cricket Club , the club of his father and uncle and his own , and the rivals , Young Stars , the crowds gathering for the big matches , the musical bands playing late into the evenings . He remembers Khemraj 's training , tough but enjoyable work . Together they would prepare the pitch at the community ground and on that pitch , or out on the beach , the village would line up to bowl at him , or as he puts it , " Who can bowl bowl , who can 't bowl pelt . " It takes a village - but in the case of Shivnarine it took more . A beautiful , imperilled picture of West Indian community emerges from the thanks that pepper Shivnarine 's conversation . He is grateful to his uncle Munilal , a cricketer on the fringes of Guyana selection , who would often take him to Georgetown to play while Khemraj went into the ocean to catch fish that his wife Uma could sell . He remembers Neil Singh , the Georgetown Cricket Club ( GCC ) president , who took him as a 15 - year - old to a gym owner called Rudy Persaud with the words , " Rudy , I have this young fella here and I need you to do some work with him . " Under Rudy 's tutelage he remained skinny but became strong , leg - pressing 500 pounds , deadlifting 300 and squatting 200 by 19 . He has thanks for Jimmy Adams who roomed with him in the early years , counselled him when he was down , telling him , " Fella , don 't worry about anything , things happen in life " , or " Come , young fella , let 's go do some work " , and together they would find a net close by . He believes Carl Hooper sat out of a Test match so he might make his debut , " so I must say thanks to him " . He is beholden to Lester Armagoon - late , beloved Uncle Les , the Trinidadian businessman and travelling West Indies supporter , who one day watching a youth game in Bourda was impressed by a young batsman , and learning of his financial situation and the scarcity in Guyana , began purchasing and sending gear out to him . Khemraj 's main move was to toughen Shiv as one might glass . He told me of a challenge he once issued a local cricket luminary on the sidelines of a match at Everest Cricket Club in Georgetown . " I tell he , ' Man , carry the kid out on the pitch , and choose any one of you bowler . If they hit he , is me fault , is me expense . ' The guy make excuse , say the kid is little and thin and all kinda excuse he makin ' , and I say , ' Man , in India and Pakistan from the time they born , they play cricket . ' Right , so cricket don 't have little and small . " It was one of Shivnarine 's outfield sessions with Khemraj that brought the boy his first break . A Mr Derrick " Zegga " Atwell took a look at him and offered a slot at Demerara Cricket Club ( DCC ) , the home of Clive Lloyd , Lance Gibbs and Roy Fredericks . Shivnarine was then 10 or 11 . Sean Devers , the Guyana youth cricketer turned radio commentator , remembers a frail kid . " Protected by a pillow as a chest guard and with his father Khemraj watching , the tiny lad valiantly took everything … including a few vicious bouncers . He was unconquered for nine overs when the innings ended . " It was such a time in Guyana that even public transport was squeezed and getting Shivnarine up and down from Unity to Georgetown became a challenge . " There wasn 't much vehicle on the road them time , fuel was a problem for people to get . " He left DCC to play closer home for East Coast Police , before , at 15 , settling forever into GCC at Bourda , for decades Guyana 's international venue . To counter the transportation problem , the Jodahs , family friends of the Chanderpauls , took Shivnarine into their Georgetown home for over three years . They too were a cricket - mad family , and one of the Jodah boys , Richard , was a Guyana Under - 19 player . I met Richard Jodah one evening in Bourda , atmospheric as ever with its wooden grace and dereliction , its peripheral Samaan trees , girls playing hockey in a corner pitch and boys cricket on the centre wicket . " He look so frail . But when you look at his hands - to me it had two layers of skin on it . His hands was so hard ! I guess the fishin ' , the things you do up there . So although he was looking frail he was very tough - tough inside . Not afraid ah nothin ' . The fastest of bowler you could put to bowl against him at that age . " One afternoon we had a first - hand look at something special . We were nettin ' and we had a young fast bowler , Calvin Belgrave , who played for Guyana . Chandra was not 16 yet , just around there . He played a shot that make everyone just … He played a kind of half - sweep , half - pull shot . He was down on his knees , and he hit the ball into that scoreboard down at that end . And everybody stand up and sayin ' , ' What de hell ! He could 've been knocked ! ' But he just played it , you know , and he just continue battin ' normally . " Jodah 's memories of that period conjure a nostalgic Georgetown adolescence : riding around town , three boys to a bicycle , Shiv on the handle , Richard 's younger brother on the bar , Richard pedalling ; Hindi movies at the cinema ; Khemraj bringing fresh fish on the weekends ; cricket equipment laid out reverentially on the beds of the shared bedroom ; evenings on the steps , planning for this batsman or that bowler . Cricket obsession . If they were not playing at the club , they played in the cemented space below the house . " I remember we used to have these flannel balls ; we used to peel off the green , the fur . We used to dip them in a bucket of water and pelt them along the concrete . It used to be a very short pitch . The ball used to fly and hit the wall and hit you in the head and so on . And there again , we used to see , Chandra had a little more time to get behind . He just gets in a little earlier , you know , looks the part . That was the next point we knew that this guy would one day play for the West Indies . " " I was walkin ' up the steps . Kanhai was coming down the steps . And Kanhai was askin ' how he could get hold of Chandra . It was a couple of days before the Test match . They had a lot of preparation , I remember vividly . Somebody said , ' Look , Richard comin ' up , the captain of the club . ' Kanhai asked me if I could call Chandra . I say , yes , but he 's all the way up the East Coast . I asked him if he want him now or I can get him tomorrow . He said now , he want him now . I was still young , I didn 't be drivin ' then . I got a friend , Mark , his dad had a car , and same time Mark was comin ' in as well . I say Mark , we got to go up to Mahaica , Unity , we got to pick up Chandra . So Mark say , ' For what ? ' I say Mr Rohan Kanhai asked me to go and get him . So Kanhai said , ' Well , he 's been included in the West Indies squad , but keep it quiet . ' I said whoa , me ' en wait for him to finish ! Me and that guy , Mark , we shoot turn back out and we start headin ' up East Coast ! " On the way up it had a major major accident . So the one road we usin ' that time was blocked off . Place started to get dark . And we worried now , you know . Finally we got through . When we went up , Chandra wasn 't at home . Place was twilight like . I said to his parents , ' We need Chandra , we got to go down to the club . ' They said Chandra on the beach . I say you gotta go get him , so they send somebody , and Chandra came . I said Chandra , ' We gotta pack , we gotta go ! ' Chandra said , ' Where ? ' I said , ' We gotta go , bro ! Pack up ! ' He said , ' No boy , you kiddin ' me ' kind of thing . I said , ' Skipper , you just get drafted in the Test team ! ' He said , ' Wha ! ' I said ' Yes ! ' He ain 't believin ' . " So his mom and everyone they start packin ' he bag . At that time he had an injury in his feet , I think a nail or a fishbone get stuck and he was limpin ' . I said , ' Skipper , this is do or die , right , you got to forget about this thing here . ' We brought him all the way down . We had to check him in at the Pegasus hotel . We took him straight to Kanhai room . And I literally see this guy , you know , when I look at him , you know , he was like my little brother , you know , one of these feelin ' you know , that he was soo . . . shakin ' you know , I was shakin ' too ! " From this distance of 20 years and 20 , 000 international runs Chanderpaul 's role is manifest , but at that juncture it did not feel quite so inevitable . A Georgetonian present at the Pegasus poolside on the eve of the Test recalls the patronising attitude of some England players : this was a quota selection and the Guyanese teenager would not last beyond a single Test match . England players need little excuse to be patronising but perhaps they were swayed by Chanderpaul 's 3 and 28 in a tour match for the Board President 's XI . He was a local prodigy but in the wider world not much was known about him . Some felt he had been picked as much for his legspin as his batting . He had only played 15 first - class games . His last innings for Guyana , though , was a 73 against Leeward Islands - which impressed Curtly Ambrose , who would become a big Chanderpaul fan . " You had to wonder how this pinch - faced boy in the big pads could avoid being knocked down , much less score any runs . I will remember that first ball as long as I live . It was the fast bowler Chris Lewis who bowled it as a thousand hearts leaped into a thousand throats . Chanderpaul calmly got into line , took his bat out of the way , and let the ball go through harmlessly to the wicketkeeper . His Test career was underway . " There is a three - minute clip of the innings on YouTube : the matchstick frame , the giant helmet made further outsize by ludicrous white plastic ear guards , the limp that Jodah spoke of , and most eye - catching , a stance as extraordinary but completely different from the open - body absurdity that he would develop years later to stop himself falling over . On debut , Chanderpaul is bent so low over his bat that his back is parallel to the floor . His elbow protrudes out in a sharp , determined triangle down the wicket . Not until he is ready to play his stroke does he straighten himself , with supple alacrity . His boundaries are hit to overspilling delirium . At 50 he is surrounded by pitch invaders , most of them Afro - Guyanese , hugging and tugging at him , more and more of them , for longer and longer , until he is freed from their clutches by Jimmy Adams . When he is out it 's like somebody died . " He got bowled for 62 , " Jodah remembers . " He was battin ' out of this world . Everyone thought it 's a hundred on debut . When he walks in the pavilion , he glance up at us , you know , and we glance at he , you know , and he shake he head , and he walk straight through here . And that was the time we knew we weren 't goin ' to see him as a player among us as much . That moment there , boy . He go on and never turn back . " It was so long ago that Test matches could have a rest day . On this one , Chanderpaul went up to Unity . He took the minibus but Peter Roebuck , who was interviewing the family as Shivnarine walked in , noted that he had not had to pay his fare . West Indian celebrity is its own thing . Beneath and sometimes at odds with the adulation is the fierce egalitarianism of small , informal societies that have had to fight for all manner of parities . Here nobody must be seen to be getting too big for his boots , even if he hasn 't really . When Shivnarine Chanderpaul goes running around Unity , he receives no prolonged glances . When he drives down the coast into Georgetown , where a street is named after him , he is just another man behind a wheel . One driver nods and addresses him by his nickname , " Eiy , Tiger , wha ' goin ' on ? " and Shiv nods back with a " Yeah , man . " And at a traffic signal a motorcyclist who has drawn level to the vehicle stares in through the window into Shivnarine 's eyes . Of course , Shivnarine will not meet that gaze . He is not a gaze - meeter . Besides , he knows , as I do , that all the man wants to do is position himself as an equal , convey something like , " Nah be acting big , banna , cause me ' en really care for dah " - but acting big how ? by driving a vehicle of the reasonably successful ? - and as the green comes on the motorcyclist revs pointedly before taking off . Andaiye , the Guyanese activist and educator , briefly helped Chanderpaul with his studies after he left school ( at 13 ) . In a newspaper column written in 2000 , when West Indies were in free fall , she examined sympathetically the plight of Chanderpaul , about whom , as she put it , " were too many cries of ' I know exakly whuh wrong wid he ' , ' He get rich too quick ' , ' He loss interest in cricket ' , ' Like he wash up at twenty - five . ' " She recalls by contrast the celebratory motorcade after Brian Lara 's 375 , with Chanderpaul - still in his debut series - his partner for a long part of it . All this would make a nice story book about a young boy rising to fame and fortune like a meteor , but in real life , the young boy must have felt a little dizzy . From Unity to a motorcade through thousands upon thousands of cheering people is a long journey to take in a few months . I remember seeing part of that motorcade on TV , and seeing how they were linking Lara and Chanderpaul together as examples of Afro - Caribbean and Indo - Caribbean everything - THE GENIUS OF OUR PEOPLE , THE UNITY OF OUR RACES , THE UNIQUENESS OF OUR MULTICULTURAL CULTURE , THE SYMBOLS OF OUR FUTURE , THE … whatever . . . At one function , Lara , Chanderpaul and the other dignitaries were standing on a kind of balcony looking down at these thousands of people ; it evoked memories of kings and other such waving to their adoring followers . Much later I learned that on that day , they suddenly asked Chanderpaul to speak and as he put it , " I couldn 't talk . I freeze . " He couldn 't talk till a lady behind him whispered that he should say " I love all of you " and he said it . Chanderpaul felled by Lee in Jamaica : a moment whose immediate aftermath told of " cricket as an instrument of unity and identity in the region " Chanderpaul 's symbolic space in the West Indies is very different from his great Indo - Guyanese predecessor , the pioneer Rohan Kanhai . When Kanhai sprang to vivid , stroke - making life six decades ago , Indians , the last entrants into the faraway plantation societies of the Caribbean , were a significantly marginalised community , still identified as cane - cutting " coolies " . Kanhai 's meaning is powerfully evoked in David Dabydeen 's poem " For Rohan Babulal Kanhai " . Against history 's " White Overseer " , against the Afro - Guyanese leader Forbes Burnham , against the violence towards East Indians in the town of Wismar in 1964 , Rohan Kanhai is the redeemer . And when century come up , is like dawn ! Chanderpaul 's career has played out to an entirely different context . When he broke into the Test side , he was the first cricketer of Indian descent to play for West Indies since Faoud Bacchus in 1982 - a West Indian side that Viv Richards had contentiously referred to as " a sporting team of African descent " . It was 1994 , two years after Cheddi Jagan 's People 's Progressive Party , propelled by its Indo - Guyanese support base , assumed office in what were heralded as Guyana 's first free and fair elections . It has remained in power since , and today it is the Afro - Guyanese citizen who feels shut out . In the West Indies cricket team , East Indian representation grows by the year : with six in the XI at Edgbaston against England in 2012 ( Chanderpaul wasn 't even one of them ) it was , according to Professor Frank Birbalsingh , " the first time in their history West Indies picked a cricket team that included a majority of Indian - Caribbean players " . When Shivnarine Chanderpaul goes running around Unity , he receives no prolonged glances . When he drives , he is just another man behind a wheel In his new book , Indian - Caribbean Test Cricketers and the Quest for Identity , Birbalsingh marks the instance where Chanderpaul ducks into a Brett Lee bouncer in Jamaica , 2008 . Watch it online , the felling is frightening : Shiv goes down limp , swaying ; he lays flat on his back , a motionlessness like the end of things , for well over a ten - count … 15 … 20 … 25 … and ticking … Is he unconscious ? Alive ? As I watched it , I thought of two things from our conversations . My dad used to say like , ' Hit his head off ' , and they would go for it . The other was his frustration - anger , actually - at having been labelled an injury - faker , sometimes from within the team set - up . Chanderpaul did not retire hurt , or get on to the stretcher for a break . He is a batsman and he batted , progressing to a century . " Amy [ Chanderpaul ] was not the only one shedding tears , " Tony Cozier wrote of the ovation he received on reaching the landmark . " So were big men , without a hint of embarrassment . " For Birbalsingh , the moment was as poignant because the audience , primarily Afro - Jamaican , moved to tears by the valour of an Indo - Guyanese batsman , told of " cricket as an instrument of unity and identity in the region " . The great sportsperson , more so the great West Indian cricketer , is a cultural phenomenon . He imbibes from the essential character of his society and / or his sport , embodies some aspect of it , and breathes new inspiration into it . In his different avatars , Chanderpaul has come to symbolise the hope of precocious talent , of racial harmony , and finally a transcending resilience : all of which hold the promise , this is how far we can go . It is not surprising that the iconic Guyanese musician , cultural observer and cricket fan Dave Martins has written two songs starring Chanderpaul . He wrote the first , " Gie Dem Shiv " , in 1997 , after Chanderpaul 's first , long - awaited Test century ( in Barbados , setting up a narrow Indian defeat so that , as the lyric puts it , Tendulkar wanted to pack up and go back home ) . It begins with Indian instrumentation and a chutney inflection , powered by a high - energy refrain that uses the Hindi word beta , or son : Come , beta , come and le ' we lick down de bowlin . A few years later , at a time of street disturbances in Guyana , Martins was requested by a government official to write a " heal the rift " kind of song . He declined at first because he did not like to write " head - on " songs but was eventually persuaded . The result was the wonderful " Hooper and Chanderpaul " , featuring the finest Afro - and Indo - Guyanese cricketers of the generation . " Shane was murderin ' us and Mark Waugh at slip was also givin ' it to us . You know , it just got us angry . So we started to play a bit of shots " It was not always , as Andaiye had suggested , easy for him to carry these expectations . A year before that column , in 1999 , Chanderpaul used his licensed firearm to shoot a policeman in the hand on the Georgetown sea wall late at night , mistaking him for a bandit . The incident perhaps says something about Chanderpaul ; it certainly does about the anxieties of daily life in Guyana . The girl with Chanderpaul that night was a teenager called Amy , whom he would marry and settle with in Florida with a second son . ( Brandon 's mother , Annalee , runs a beer garden in Unity village . ) Chanderpaul 's split with Amy some years ago was terribly bitter . Off the record this was a topic he initiated several times , and spoke about in surprising detail , as he did about his falling - out with his one - time mentor and business partner , the former Guyana player Sheikh Mohammad . He left me with the impression that he registers suspicion , betrayal or perceived betrayal very strongly . Everybody 's life is a complicated business . I raise these points in order to gesture at the turmoil below the unrippled surface . How must the champion sportsman organise his mind ? To this I found Chanderpaul 's answer remarkable . " You try to focus on what you have to do at the time , and it actually helps when you have other problems . It helps to keep your mind away from that and just play cricket . " " You use cricket as an escape from that problem ? " But it was more hard - won than that . There was a turning point , 15 years ago or so by his estimation , when his career - an average around 40 , with just two centuries - had not gone quite as prophesied . Chanderpaul came in contact with Swami Vidyanand Maharaj at the Ashram in Cove and John , not far from Unity . " He put me on the path . I seen a big difference from the beginning of my career to after I saw him . " The guruji gave Chanderpaul a mantra ( I wondered which one it was , but at the Ashram I was told the mantra was customised to the needs of the seeker ) . He began travelling with beads and an extensive altar - " Lord Shiva 's murti , Shiva family pictures . I 'd have Hanuman , I 'd have Lord Krishna . One with the three of Lord Brahma , Lord Vishnu , Lord Shiva . Mother Lakshmi , Mother Parvati , Mother Saraswati . Basically everything . Everywhere I go I will always set it up . Prayers in the morning is to Lord Shiva and my meditation is to him . Morning time before I go out and do anything , before I go out and eat . " " Right , a lot of times things don 't go your way . Other times a lot of things happening around is out of my control , maybe because of new management or new people coming or other things happening , and I can 't do anything about it . You have a new coach , new manager , new this , new that , and they put a lot of pressure on you for no reason sometimes . Tell you all kinds of things . Sometimes you think about everything and in the evening just try to go back and relax , even though it 's hard to relax after these things happening . You block some time in the evening , sometimes a lot of it clears up from sitting and doing your meditation . " The legendary concentration , part inherent , part acquired , is integral to the cult of Shiv . There is such a thing . A band of admirers from around the world united in deep fondness for the eccentricities , irregularities and colossal achievements of this most singular cricketer . Call us the Chanderphiles . The Chanderphiles revel in Shivnarine 's focus , his faux - warrior glare - patches ( introduced to him by Faoud Bacchus in Florida , where the " light real bright " ) , the evolving splendours of his stance , the routines ( the bail hammered into the pitch for guard , the pitch kissed after a century , the fidgeting , the flickering tongue and darting eyes before facing up ) , in the improbably quick innings and especially the interminable ones , and an inexplicable interest in the numbers which bear out , triumphantly , the entire spectrum of Shiv . In Georgetown I rang Omar Persaud , who , I was told , had some good information on Chanderpaul . Mr Persaud worked for a local insurance company . He asked where I was putting up and sent over an envelope with a neatly folded photocopy of a letter that one Harry Harnaam had published in Stabroek News . That letter is the cult of Shiv : a long list of beautiful factoids . 1000 + MINUTES : Shiv holds the World record for batting 1000 + minutes between dismissals , he did it 4 times in his career , no batsman in history has done so more than once . I asked him to name the best match he 'd been involved in and he did not pick the record fourth - innings chase of 418 against Australia , where his own 104 off 154 was key . He picked an Ambrose match : England 46 all out , Port - of - Spain , 1994 , Chanderpaul 's second Test . " He was bowlin ' fast ! I could remember fieldin ' in the slip and remembering every minute , every ball bowled , I was just going back , and back , and takin ' a couple of step more back , another couple of step back . " " That was the game when Harbhajan get three wickets in one over [ actually two in one ; and four in three ] and left me on 97 . I can 't believe he did that ! In that game Harbhajan was bowling a line on the off stump just outside the off stump and I was just leaving the ball , leaving the ball . And some of it was a bit fuller so you can 't cut at it and you can 't drive at it . When I went inside , Brian say he wanted us to score a bit faster , so he was tellin ' me why don 't I hit the ball ? I said , ' Bri , he 's bowling just outside the off stump , and I can 't , I can 't just hit those balls ! ' Bri said , ' Get your foot closer to the ball and hit it ! Get closer to the ball ! ' I tell myself , ' All right , let me go out and try what he 's saying . ' So as Harbhajan bowled the ball outside off stump I just tried to get my foot closer to cut it , and it run away through backward point for four . So I said , this fella here , he knows a lot of things about batting . " These are things that I 've learnt from him , watching him bat . I know Brian , when he bat , he hits the ball behind point , very hard . Sometimes he got spin on the ball , and sometimes he doesn 't put spin on the ball . And he does it deliberately . It depends on where the guy on the point boundary is fielding . If the guy on the boundary is out square , then he puts spin on the ball so it keep running away further behind and the guy can 't catch it . And sometimes they put him behind , and Brian hit it with no spin so it go in front for four . He still cuts the ball , but he does not put spin on the ball . He 's an amazing batter . Serious . " " Wasim is a genius . Wasim is a man who can do whatever he wants to do with the cricket ball . One time I batting against him in Pakistan , it was ' 97 . Wasim was bowlin ' big swingers , swingin ' across me , swingin ' into me , and I been flickin ' at some of the ball and missing ' em and waitin ' to hear the sound behind me . And it was missin ' everything . Then after looking for swing - swing - swing all of a sudden I saw a ball on my face ! Because he has such a whippy arm action , you don 't even pick up when he hit the deck . And I remember the thought came into my mind - Clayton Lambert said to me once , he was battin ' and all of a sudden his hand is down here , he saw the ball in his face , all he could have done is throw himself on the ground . And that thought flick in my mind the same time I saw the ball in my face , so I just throw myself on my bum and the ball miss me and I got up and dust off myself . Even though the wicket don 't look like you could bowl bumper on it , he got it up on my face ! I open my eyes and say , ' Let me keep my eyes open because this man is very dangerous . ' Just another jogger on the streets of Unity " On the same tour , Hooper was battin ' on 85 and saw Wasim warmin ' up to come and bowl . Saqlain bowlin ' at the end he wanted to bowl , so they move Saqlain around . They gonna give us an over there to move him so that Wasim can bowl . So they bowl Azhar Mahmood . Hoops look towards Wasim and tell me , ' Before him come back , I be a hundred . ' Hooper hit Azhar over extra cover for six . Hit him over the other corner for another boundary . And then the next over now Saqlain bowl , he took a lick off Saqlain also . Hit him for a boundary , got his hundred . And Wasim came on . Now Wasim bowl a few that went across him . Hooper normally play bat - and - pad , but he left a little gap just enough for the ball to pass through . Wasim had a look at him . Then Wasim had one go back through that little gap and hit them stumps . That is how good this guy is . Wasim is an unbelievable bowler . Wasim Akram . " I asked the gently swaying Shivnarine , his voice still perfectly calibrated for baby - sleep , for other great contests with the great bowlers . He recalled another ' 90s duel . In this one he scored 71 , the fifty from 38 balls , an innings Wisden described as " astonishing " . Eventual victory was Shane Warne 's , with an even more astonishing feat , a humongous legbreak from the rough . The thing in his answer was his relish of competitive heat . " Well , Shane , Shane 's a guy that would tell people all kinds of things when he bowling . I remember the Test match in Sydney . Hooper and myself were battin ' in the mornin ' and Shane was murderin ' us and Mark Waugh at slip was also givin ' it to us . You know , it just got us angry . So we started to play a bit of shots . Hooper got out . And they still keep on chirpin ' and still sayin ' a lot of things . And that time I tell myself , anytime Shane pitch up the ball , I will be there in front of it gettin ' the ball . So the whole mornin ' I was like just shot , shot , shot , beatin ' them all over the park , and then against all the other bowlers I just playin ' shots because , you know , you get into that momentum . Then just before lunch he came back and he pitched the ball in the rough . I was going to leave the ball alone and as I saw the ball coming back I tried to play it , and as my bat coming down it hit my pad and it open up a space and the ball went through and it hit the stumps . " That was like a challenge , there , you know , he comin ' at us , we going and everybody trying to get at us and we goin ' back at them too . That 's the cricket I know from when I was a little boy comin ' up ! The older , the bigger guys tellin ' you things and you wanna show them that you can do something also . When people come at us , as West Indians we go back at them in our own way . " " Is that what motivated you to go after them at Bourda , the 69 - ball hundred ? " " Not really , that was just one of those days ! I came off two good hundreds , one against Jamaica and one against Leeward Islands , and they had proper fast bowlers also . " He counted off the fast bowlers in each team . " Comin ' off two hundreds like that and when I walk out to bat at Bourda - well Bourda is something I been playing most of my life on . I went out to bat and [ Andy ] Bichel ran in and I just step out and push the ball and it went past him and once the ball pass you at Bourda , that 's it , gone . Every time I hit the ball it just went through the gap , went to the boundary . It was not until the guy made the announcement , it woke me up from what zone I was in . And then just shortly after , I got out ! " " The crowd must be going crazy for you . " " Yeah ! That 's the other thing too . When you walk out battin ' in Guyana and battin ' in Bourda , you know the people and the fans , the high that it give you , the noise that they would make , is unbelievable . " From memory I knew that the 69 - baller began in the first session of the series . Playing it back I found Chanderpaul had walked in at 47 for 4 with Brad Hogg on a hat - trick . That Bichel shot is a stunning work of timing , a punched on - drive to a length ball that could have hardly been bettered by Sachin Tendulkar , whose signature it was . Later in the innings , there is a swivelling hook against Jason Gillespie , taken from outside off stump and hit on the stagger - which might earn a cheer from one of Khemraj 's favourites , Alvin Kallicharran . Breeze blowing , shots blazing like fire , runs flowing like rum . Come , beta , come and le ' we lick down de bowlin ' ! But Chanderpaul had not mentioned that he was given out lbw to one that pitched a good five inches outside leg . Chanderpaul came from Derbyshire into Guyana for a few days ( where to my luck and joy , our trips overlapped ) , before reporting for a West Indies pre - series camp in Barbados . I had assumed these few days would be days of doing nothing - but I don 't think Chanderpaul does days off . On a short break home , he is out running in the 9am tropical sun , on country roads , beside glorious Flamboyante trees and rows of palm and Guyanese trenches , past Hindu homes with their jhandis . He does not any more look frail . He looks strong , if just a little worn down . One of the people he credits with his late - period revival is the former West Indies physio Steven Partridge , and not for maintenance work alone . One day , during a deep - tissue massage to Chanderpaul 's routinely stiff back , " Steven said , for you to get your average into your 50s you need to be maintainin ' every year an average in the mid - 60s . " They did not discuss it further , but the thought stuck . Halfway into the run Brandon begins to cut out a lead . Chanderpaul , adjusting to the Guyanese heat , doesn 't try to compete , doesn 't get thrown off his game , just ticks on like Father Time . By the end , the youth , taller than Shiv and with an impressive gym - toned physique , has taken a full minute off his old man . " My skin is on fire , " Chanderpaul grunts as he comes in through the gate of the house . By the time he takes off his shoes , sitting across his hammock , Brandon has brought him a glass of water . Soon afterwards we go out to the beach , along with some of Brandon 's younger friends from the village , and a bat , stumps and two hard , bright bumper balls made of compressed rubber . We go to the water 's edge . Chanderpaul picks a spot and marks out , by instinct rather than paces , a pitch of maybe 18 yards , thumps the stumps in . Brandon bats first . These bumper balls are quick ! They take off from the hard wet sand , firm enough for steep bounce and prodigious carry but light enough , just about , for swing . Brandon , an international Under - 19 star , shows us his chops , coping with the rapid vagaries of ball and breeze , smiling competitively as he faces up to Chanderpaul , who puts his shoulder into it and finishes his action with a graceful follow - through . In Khemraj 's view Brandon is a better player than his father at that age , except " towards spin , because me shoulder gone weak and he can 't get the amount of practice " . Then Chanderpaul takes guard . That 's him on the sand with the stance , not any impostor . He faces more midwicket than square leg ( he varies the angle , he tells me , depending on bounce and swing ) . He holds his bat loose and easy with his low grip ( to account for which , he tells me , he uses a super - short handle that doesn 't jam up against his forearms ) . He flicks the bat up over his shoulder a couple of times as though it 's a piece of cloth , and then , as the ball is released , rearranges himself , manipulating his own limbs like a champion puppeteer might his puppets . He is Brandon 's father . Where the odd delivery rapped Brandon on his groin or thigh or chest , or whizzed past his edge , with Shivnarine it 's as though the pitch has doubled in length . We are trying . Brandon , a strong boy , is flinging hard , grunting as he does , and the bumper ball is flying about . Chanderpaul is daddying us : not with strokes , no , there is no real need for that . It is simply that he knows . When a ball is marginally outside off stump , he calmly pulls his hands inside the line as though signalling it a safe and happy passage , bye bye silly ball , see you later . Defensive shots come from the dead centre of his bat . Full deliveries he picks up years ahead and walking across , flicks to on - as the world has watched him do for two decades . Short deliveries he ducks beneath or , insultingly , leans away even before the ball has landed . On some occasions he is just there waiting for the pull , which he executes softly out of generosity . The one ball that comes close to troubling him , swerving and rearing up at his shoulder , he plays down square on the off - exactly where no catcher would stand . The Guyanese have a saying : " One one dutty build dam . " Dutty , a bit of earth ; dam , a mud bank : every bit adds up . That is a Chanderpaul innings . The 15 minutes bowling at the master on the Atlantic foreshore is the single most exhilarating and educative experience of my cricketing life , such as it is . It is the only first - hand taste I have had of cricketing genius . The past few days have given me a chance to clarify why , or what , that genius is . I 'm thinking of the shot Richard Jodah described to me - the half - sweep , half - pull . Akin to Kanhai 's sweep - hook , except Kanhai ended up flat on the ground : the " triumphant fall " as Neville Cardus put it , " backsideboundary hook " as the poet Sasenarine Persaud did , and which Khemraj , capturing the flip perfectly , calls the roti shot : " first time I see a man sit on his butt and hit a ball to the boundary ! " Kanhai learnt his cricket on the canefield wastelands of Berbice , batting with palm fronds against cork balls covered in rags and tied with twine , and of all the many permutations of personality , physicality and environment and untold mysteries that go into the creation of the brilliant sportsperson , might the palm - frond abandon have been one ? Shivnarine moulded himself in Unity . In the closed hall of the community centre , Khemraj would throw down cork balls ( " concrete ball " , as Shiv called it ) on a short , slickened cement pitch , testing the boy 's reflexes and making him find solutions ; and right here on the water 's edge against the flying bumper ball hurled ceaselessly as the tide by gangs of villagers - from here came his genius of not only concentration but something more pinpoint : perhaps anticipation is the word . Like Kanhai 's , a genius developed from scarcity . At the end of the session I ask Chanderpaul about anticipation . I ask him if he could read intentions . He explains it like this . " I 'm watching the hand . If it 's up so , " he stretches his arm to full bowling height , " I know it 's going to be full . If it 's here so , " the arm slightly lower , " I know it 's going to be on a length . Down so , " further lower , " it 's going to pitch short . So I already know when you release the ball . " Straightforward ? The arm positions vary by mere inches . He is supposed to be at - well , past - the age where an elite batsman 's eyes have dimmed and reflexes have slowed . He averages 72 over the last seven years , 80 against Australia , 70 against England , 78 against South Africa . He thinks he can go two more years , at least . " This beach used to be much , much wider , " Shiv is now saying . " Then the mud started coming in . We used to play 20 - over tournaments here on weekends , underarm flinging , the competition stretch out over a few weekends . A whole set of teams , fisherman team , backdam team and so . Play the whole day , no matter how much rain - the sand only get tighter , ball bounce more . " He is talking over the ocean breeze , and there is joy in his voice . Chanderpaul , in the last remaining test great . with respect to Cook and Clarke , nobody comes close to matching his all conditions brilliance . They don 't make players like him anymore . My lasting impression of Chanderpaul is from him early years in a odi vs Aus in Melbourne ( I think there was hail and rain during this game ) . McDermott was still around and trying to bully the slender young man . The first pitched up ball went straight over long on for 6 . I couldn 't believe my eyes . A young boy had just bested one of the great fast bowlers ! Nicknamed the Tiger , which he truly is - - Shivnarine Chanderpaul blasted 156 not out in a local game in New York , toying with the bowlers in the last 10 overs . It was a treat to watch . Keep going Tiger ! Like the proverbial wine , Shivnarine Chanderpaul seems to be getting better and better with age . Such maturity , & consistency in the face of so many ups & downs in his team . Truly a legend in the making ! Thanks for the wonderful article ; a tribute to one of the best test batsmen of our time indeed ! One of my favorite cricket articles of all time and my favorite cricketer of all time , especially for the impact he 's had on my generation . I 've had the privilege to meet Shiv a few times and have watched him bat at any opportunity I get . All I can say is , BAT ON SHIV , BAT ON ! I love shiv 's batting style , his record is unbelievable for last 7 years . I still remember he was hit six runs in last ball against Sri Lanka when WI need 6 runs to win . Keep on going Shiv . I was on hand when Shiv debuted at Bourda with two other friends , Greg and Trevor . We were delirious until he got bowled in his 60s , but what a day ! Since then I 've enjoyed Shiv growing from strength . If a few more players had his grit and determination WI cricket will certainly improve . IF the WI play him for a until he want to retire then he will certainly be the top scorer in the world . Keep on going Shiv , you are an inspiration to us all ! ! ! ! Shiv is an awesome and inspirational human being and cricketer . He is one of my favorite cricketers of all time and definitely my favorite West Indian cricketer . keep going strong Shiv . It is the WI loss that they dropped him from the one team for he has a better average as an opener than most of those in the team now and in my opinion would still be able to put up good numbers if given the chance to open in one day cricket Elegance , finesse and gracefulness in stroke - play constitute the eye - catching attributes of a " classy " batsman , so say the critics , but what about grit , determination , discipline , and perseverance , , which describe the true character of a successful batsman . It is not always the flamboyant with exquisite stroke - play that is successful . Chandrapaul , with a unique style , courage , high powers of concentration , and patience , has become a modern day run machine . His repertoire and range of strokes can be unleashed to suit the situation , as has been exhibited on many occasions , and doubting " Thomases " are forced to admit that he is indeed a great batsman . Kudos to Rahul Bhattacharya for an awesome article on an even more awesome human being ! ! Our very own SHIV ! ! ! ! ! Read with glowing pride ! ! ! In years to come , Rahul Bhattacharya will be writing similar articles on Tagenarine Chaderpaul who is destined to follow in the footsteps of his AWESOME father . In his second test he was batting at the other end while Lara ran up that 375 . I remember listening to the radio commentary . England skipper Atherton had placed himself at short midwicket , and Shiv eased the ball past him , timing it perfectly so that the England skipper chased it all the way to the boundary , not quite overhauling the ball before it hit the boundary . 4 runs . Then he did it again next ball . Just 19 years of age and schooling the England captain . What a player , then and always since . Cricketer and human extraordinaire Shivnarine Chanderpaul , The Great , well presented by author and sports writer par excellence Mr Rahul Bhattacharya ! A compelling read whose subject ( Shiv ) is the symbol of greatness achieved by perseverance , defiance of odds and abiding humility . . . I have seen more aesthetically pleasing batsmen - more revered and celebrated because of flamboyance and orthodoxy - but it 's Shivnarine Chanderpaul whose life as a cricketer will immortalise the sport long after it is nudged into irrelevance by others and an emerging anti - cricket generation . Long live Shiv , the Tiger from Mahaica ! Batting Genius from Unity , continue to unite us with dignity . Incredible spellbinding article ! ! Brought tears of joy to my heart and brought out the pride and joy in me of having come from such a society , that produced great men and women against all odds . We have ordinary men and women who excelled , coming from abject poverty to make us all West Indians regardless of Nationality and race very PROUD . Ordinary folks see each others as people whilst Politicians have toiled for decades to divide us for their own selfish and evil aggrandizement ! ! Well Done Shiv , you have done what politicians will achieve . Fortunate to have met Shiv quite a few times . Absolutely remarkable and humble person . You would never guess he is the superstar batsman and a famous personality when he talks and interacts with you . You only find out he is NOT one of us ordinary folks when he is at the crease doing what he does best . . . that 's batting ! ! ! I hope he continues to serve the West Indies and Cricket for a long long time ! ! ! This life of Shiv conjures up a feeling of immense pride and perfectly exemplifies that even the impossible can be achieved with determination and the will to improve . Whilst national awards my crystallize his status as a hero , to his true fans , he 's already God ! Rahull Bhattacharya has beautifully added black to white , in a missive that has left me and I 'm sure many others teary eyed . Excellent piece on a man fit to be amongst the Gods . Great article . . . As a fan of Shiv I 've always look at him as one of the BEST even in his down days . Today if I pick up the newspaper and see a picture of him that 's the first article I would read . . . Looking foward to a few good years more of this spectacular batsman , also the naming of the Providence Stadium to the Shiv Chanderpaul National Stadium ! ! ! ! Proud Guyanese Excellent article . It 's 5 am in Toronto , on a Sunday Fall day . As am reading this , I feel like am in Unity . You captured the man and his spirit in fine form . Big gratitude to his dad " cowfly " . . . . I just hope Chanderpaul gets the opportunity to keep playing and maybe a special appearance at the next world cup . RAHUL BHATTACHARYA - your article was just as great as the subject you are covering - I look forward to reading your future stories . Thank you . Shiv 's personality combine with his ability to play cricket won many hearts around the world . I wish he reaches him milestone in the only life he knows - cricket . Personally I would like to see him score over 12000 test runs and a couple more centuries before he retires . The icing on the cake would be to see him and his son batting together in the same test match . There are ambient sounds of the Guyanese country : goats bleating , roosters crowing , gusts of Atlantic breeze , a man in a tempo hawking balanja - okra - squash - pumpkin - karaila on a megaphone , and a village drunk making hollering conversation . " Check me back later , man , " Shivnarine tells him . " If I pass and I see yuh , I give you somethin ' . " The above perfectly encapsulates life growing in Guyana in the villages . Brings back a lot of memories . Great piece of work Rahul , its articles like these that make you the best writer on cricinfo . Well researched and expressed in a very easy conversational manner . This is probably the best article ever written by a cricinfo writer . RAHUL BHATTACHARYA kudos to you for an amazing piece on insights of a truly remarkable player . I hope to read many more like this in the future . Brilliantly and lovingly written . Shiv makes us all proud to be Guyanese . This writer gets it , i . e . , to understand why Shiv bats the way he does , one must understand the conditions in which he grew up . In many respects , Shiv has surpassed the great Rohan B . Kanhai as Guyana 's most beloved Cricketer . Mohamed ( Breado ) Rahaman What a fantastic article . Absolutely brilliant and beautifully written . Can 't imagine that there 's a better write - up on Shiv to be found on the web . This is indeed a most wonderful story ! This is indeed the history of West Indies Cricket . I have a new respect for Shivnarine Chanderpaul . Nevertheless , he would not make the all - time Guyana 's team . Not in front of RF , SC , RK , AC , BB , CL . This is a story that would be part of me for the remainder of my life . Well done Shiv ! I have a photo of Tiger on the wall by the bar , downstairs , just where the light organizes itself most intensely . And when de boys come tek a drink , there is the man , always there , just like at the crease , - calm , almost stoic , watching our action . Two geniuses have come to the wicket in this article , one whose ancestors left in the 19th century , going somewhere in the beyond , and one who has now arrived like a gathering storm . Thank you Rahul Bhattacharya . You like Shiv , are a maddening talent . PS . Rahul - we are hoping for another book on Guyana , please . Awesome . I just wanted to add , rather confirm , that didn 't Mohd . Azharuddin also bought and gifted pads to him when Chanderpaul first came to India ?
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I have attempted online courses before but honestly have never come across a more loving and accepting environment as I find with these women . I find myself looking forward to my " chat with the girls " on a Tuesday night when I log onto Skype for our live group calls , and love the learning that is delivered by our lead trainer Julie Parker but also from the questions put forward by all the other trainees . I get butterflies when I put my hand up to ask my own question and just so excited when I am called upon and get to chat with Julie and never feel like the question I want to ask is silly or irrelevant . Every question is met with enthusiasm and encouragement and answered with such a wonderful knowledge from years of Julie 's experience with many examples included . I am so so glad that I decided to take on this course and have been put in touch with this beautiful community . I have found over the years that as you get older making new friends and meeting new people becomes quite difficult . As an adult I feel the opportunity to do this becomes less and less . There is work colleagues and occasionally they will become friends that you socialise with outside of work . There is your partners ' friends and family that you will make connections with and often spend a lot of time with . But other than that there really are not a lot of opportunities to meet new people . So in meeting the above group of women I have been lucky enough to make contact with one who lives less than 15 minutes away from me . Who would have thought in a group of 67 women spread all over the world there would be two from country victoria so close together ? I made the first move , and sent a message via Facebook to see if she would be interested in catching up for a coffee to discuss our experiences so far with BYCA and she replied with enthusiasm . Honestly our first catch up felt like a blind date , I was so nervous . As I said at the start , making new friends , as you get older just happens less and less , so this to me felt quite daunting . But honestly my new friend was just lovely and we spent at least an hour getting to know each other and talking about this amazing course . Now add to this not only one new friend but a second in my coaching buddy that I have been linked with through BYCA . She is in a different state and we have so far had 2 phone conversations but it already feels like we have known each other for years . Its absurd how much we have in common , and things beyond what the coaching academy knew through our questionaries , to have paired us up . But it 's really lovely to have been put in contact with another wonderful person that I look forward to getting to know even better in the future . Now I 'd like to add something else in to this mix and just say that over the past few years I 've sadly lost some wonderful friends . Not through death or them moving away , but simply what I now believe is that our friendships reached their expiry dates . I have come to the conclusion that not all friendships are supposed to last forever . Mind you this came after spending what I now believe was an excessive amount of my time and effort trying to make them work , overlooking the nasty or vindictive comments that came my way , going out of my way to make time or catch up , when really this effort was not being returned . Now I know there are two sides to every story and I 've only shared my part , but in all honestly I feel that I played my part of friend well . Sure there are a few things that I wish I had done differently , but for the most part I think the biggest thing that I noticed as these friendships dissolved was that , when everything that I had ever dreamed of was finally coming my way , and I mean falling in love and getting married , these friends were pulling away . Or they were making many negative comments about my partner , my life , and me . And the worst part was I didn 't even really notice . I mean there were times where I remember defending myself or shrugging things off but when I sat back as these expiry dates got closer I saw all the negative comments the subtle digs , the genuine lack of interest in what was going on in my life , and there were big things going on . It still took something significant to get me to finally call time on these friendships . I honestly think I would have just kept going along in this miserable friendship for god knows how long , had something really not tipped it over the edge . And don 't get me wrong , I am incredibly sad to have lost these friends but in the grand scheme of things it comes back to surrounding yourselves with the positive and wonderful people that are there to support you and lift you up and join in with all the fun times in your life . So that 's what I am dOn Saturday I spent a lovely afternoon having a couple of cheeky wines with an old friend and a new friend and we chatted and laughed and just generally had a lovely time . These are the people I want in my life . Easy and relaxed and carefree wonderful women who would support me and encourage me and genuinely just be happy for me and whatever successes come along in my life , Just as I will be for them . Thankyou to all the lovely amazing women and friends in my life , both the new and the old . You know who you all are and I cannot imagine my life without you in it . I look forward to many more wonderful moments with you all . So this week , it seems the penny has finally dropped . After many months of planning and researching , and dreaming of creating the ultimate capsule wardrobe , it has taken the new and amazing blog of a friend , check out One Hundred Hangers , to finally make the commitment to de - clutter and reduce my wardrobe . Now this might not seem like a big deal to some , but from a newly reformed clothes and shoes hoarder , the stress and anxiety that goes along with letting go of these items is sometime emotionally crippling . As my ( new ) husband found out when we moved into our new house 18 months ago , I am a collector of crap . Anything from cd 's , old photos , clothes and random piece of material and balls of wool , throw in a multitude of unfinished craft projects or research materials for new fads or hobbies . I kept everything . There were tears and tantrums as he attempted to help me let go of the crap that I didn 't need , use or want . Deep down I knew it was just stuff that I would never need again but for some reason I kept hanging onto it . I think this was the beginning of me learning to be ruthless and release . To let go . This however did not translate to my wardrobe until just this week . Over the past couple of months I have done heaps of research into capsule wardrobes and how people made these work and how great they felt with fewer options and reduced stress in decision making of what to wear . It all seemed that less really was more and that the minimalist wardrobe was the way to go . This year already I think that I have sent about 10 garbage bags full of clothes and shoes to Vinnie 's , and still my wardrobe was bursting at the seams . I do have a massive walk in robe that was one of the biggest selling points of our house , I even had it completely re - modelled when we moved in to make the most use out of the space , but it has always just looked messy and cluttered . Previously in my single life I lived in a three - bedroom townhouse with a three door wall of wardrobes in my master bedroom , which was full , and I had turned my second bedroom with single closet into a " wardroom " . With 2 clothes racks full of dresses and over 130 pairs of shoes it was epic . After being introduced to Jess 's amazing new blog this week , reading each post more than once , and following some of the links to where Jess 's inspiration comes from , I was officially hooked . I was finally ready and determined to commit to a 30 - 40 piece capsule wardrobe for Winter 2015 . Last night , I purged another 2 bags of clothes for Vinnie 's , filled a bag to bring to work to sell , listed a heap of stuff on ebay and started selecting the pieces that will make up the basis of the capsule wardrobe collection . It felt amazing . Gone was the stress and anxiety of removing items and placing them in garbage bags . Gone was the need to keep things simply because once upon a time ( 5 , 10 or 15 years ago ) they were my favourite , or I bought that overseas , or I wore that to an amazing party , function , or wedding . What was once so difficult to do , letting go , was all of a sudden so much easier and it felt good . I still have quite a bit of work to do in the cleaning out and tidying up of my wardrobe and I will be shopping for a few key pieces that will complete the overall capsule wardrobe I 'm working towards , but after that I 'll be on a shopping hibernation for the winter . I look forward to the reduced stress and time wastage that was me trying to pick an outfit . And I look forward to the clarity and calm that I hope will come from living with less . Right now I am focusing on my studies with the Beautiful You Coaching Academy and I feel that this is just another piece of the puzzle falling into place . Clearing one space to make room for another . After all the craziness of our recent wedding and honeymoon this cleansing feels so timely and so satisfying . I wonder what I will find to minimise and de - clutter next ; ) . Well hello there . I 've been a little , actually a lot , absent lately . My apologies , but wedding planning and organising has taken over my life and this house , ha ha . Only 3 sleeps to go until our big day . After that its sunny Thailand for 10 nights and then back to the real world and more than likely back to normal . May brings new challenges for me as i embark on my Beautiful You Life Coaching course . I cannot wait to get started on what i hope will be an incredibly fulfilling and rewarding new career path . The plan will also be to get much more active and involved in this blog and bring you lots more content and information . With the wedding countdown well and truly underway I 'm seriously starting to struggle with the never ending appointments being scheduled inn my diary , and the many times I forget to write something down and find myself doubled up or palming things off to the fiancé . And I 'm so so sick of hearing myself over and over again telling people how busy I am . Ugh . Someone asks , " How have you been ? " " So busy " , or " what 's been going on ? " " So much , I 'm flat out busy " or " how are the wedding plans coming along " , " yeah good I 've been so busy " . Then the other day I find myself reading something about being busy , and saying out loud that we are busy all the time . I just wish I could remember where I read it so I could go back and read it again , but honestly when would I have the time I 'm just so busy ! Ha . So the gist of what I read was to stop saying that you 're busy all the time . Look at it as being productive . I 'm just not sure that I am being productive all the time that I say I 'm busy or that I actually really am busy , or am I just using that as an excuse to avoid doing the productive things that I should be doing ? ? ( Confused face ) One of my biggest goals for this year was to get up and meditate and do yoga every morning , and I can tell you now , honestly , this has happened maybe 5 times so far . Yep that 's 59 days of this year gone and I have a less than 3 % success rate ( At least I think that 's correct maths is definitely not my forte ) . So again this morning , the fiancé and I have a conversation about me being a grump in the morning and my struggling to get out of bed and he tells me again that I need to just get into the routine of getting up early . Yes I know this I 've heard it a thousand times before . The annoying thing is , I know that he 's right ( insert rolling of eyes here ) . So I keep telling myself to get up earlier , get up when he goes to the gym , hell I even set my alarm with the super happy Pharrell to try and wake me up but I can still manage to hit snooze and roll over back to sleep . I just need to start making the most of my days and of the hours in each day . All these people I look up to and admire start their days at 5am or some even earlier and they are utilising the hours to meditate and do yoga and prepare healthy foods and create their amazing businesses . This is what I want to be doing too , I Know it is . So why aren 't I just bloody well doing it ? ? ? But for this week and ongoing , the biggest thing I am planning to do is to stop using the word " Busy " . I 've already started , pausing my sentence when I feel myself about to say " busy " , and I try and word it in a more positive way to say that I 'm accomplishing something or being productive . And I really feel better about it . Its that whole way of putting a positive spin on what was becoming a very negative word for me in a time where I am trying to be super positive and to be calm and collected and not get stressed . And hopefully as part of this new productivity I 'll start making the more of the hours I have available . So the alarm is getting set for the whole week at 5 . 30am . I WILL get up and do yoga or go for a walk . I WILL get on top of my emails and keep up with my studies . And I WILL make the most of each and every hour I the day . I will be exhausted by the time I crawl into bed each night but hopefully this will provide me with better quality sleep . Only I can choose to make the most of each hour in my day . I WILL make the most of each hour in my day . Em xx Lately I 'm reading a lot about Fear Vs Love . Fear otherwise known as Ego . I 've read Eckhart Tolle 's views in the Power of Now and I 'm reading Gabrielle Bernstein 's Spirit Junkie as well as a number of other blogger 's that I follow and read religiously e . g . Tara Bliss , Rachel McDonald and Connie Chapman . It 's amazing to now sit back and realise what was going on in my life , and to be honest be a little frustrated that I didn 't know any of this years ago . My Ego / Fear , has thankfully been reduced to a more manageable size now , I think I 'm seeing it as more of an annoying toddler than the giant ogre that it used to be . And I think for the most part I kicked it in the pants without even really being aware of all this Love over Ego business . In the end , it is definitely love that overpowers ego overall though . I first really embraced my own self - love in late November of 2011 . There was an absolute precise moment , where I remember feeling so completely happy and in love with my life . I had just finished decorating my little townhouse for Christmas , just hanging out with my pooch Maurie on a Saturday night . I 'd finally bought a tree to put up ; previously I had just put a wreath on the door . It wasn 't even a wreath ; it was just a funny Santa that said HO HO HO . My housemate from years earlier and I used to laugh and say we needed one more friend to move in ( wink wink ) . Anyhoo , so decorations were done and I think I 'd been watching some lame movie on telly and then I heard the fireworks . No , not in my head or in a cheesy movie symbolic way , although now looking back it was quite symbolic . The local carnival was wrapping up for the year and I was standing on my bed , looking out the little window watching the fireworks . Maurie perched beside me ; a confused look on his little face , wondering what all the banging noise was about . And I just had this moment , my Christmas miracle moment , of being so completely content with life . It was a feeling throughout my whole body and an enormous smile spread across my face . I was happy ! I remember that next New Year 's I made three wishes . One , to sell my townhouse by then end of the year and buy something with more of a yard and my own space , ( I ended up taking it off the market half way through the year when I decided to stick to the original plan . When I bought the townhouse , I planned to live in it until I met someone and then it would be an investment if we moved into another house together ) . Number two wish , was to meet that someone and actually have a relationship after being single for five years . That wish came true in October 2012 , and we are to be married in 66 days ! ! And wish number three was that I apply for a team leading position at my current job , and I became part of the future leaders group in the September of 2012 with my first team leading stint starting the Monday after I met my beloved . I have absolute certainty that none of this would have happened , if I had not had that moment of really realising that I was completely happy in life , and loved myself just as I was . Now I can 't say that any of that came easily . There was quite a period of time where I was in a deep , dark and miserable place , but I guess what I want everyone to realise from this , is that IT is out there . Love . Happiness . Peace . Sometimes it just takes us a little while to find it or to be in the right place for it to find us . But never forget that IT is there , within you somewhere , it just needs a little nurturing and love to make its way to the surface xx You know that feeling that you get in your chest . When it feels kind of tight and tingly at the same time . I don 't mean the heart attack kind of feeling I mean the one that spreads an enormous smile across your face . Like there 's a little mini person in your chest giving your heart a great big hug . I 've been getting it quite a lot lately and I think it just that my heart is happy . Everything has fallen into place and I cannot be more grateful . I was lying in bed Australia day night , snuggled in with my fiancé , and I just had that feeling wash over me and the smile crept onto my face and I was just happy all over . We had been out visiting for the day . Went to amazing antique stores where I found some jewellery for my wedding , which is now less than three months away , and really just relaxed and enjoyed each - others company and had a really nice chilled out day . It was probably the last " date " we are going to get before the wedding . Life is just super busy with work and wedding stuff that we are already looking forward to the honeymoon and just being able to relax together , so it was amazing to just have that beautiful warm feeling creep over me as I crawled in to bed that night . My heart was happy . Now to go back and give you a little background about me . I 'm 34 , turning 35 this year and have been with my partner for about 2 and a half years , and this is the longest relationship I 've ever had . I can honestly only say I 've had 2 other official boyfriends and one of those was only for about 6 months . Now for the most part of my adult life I was miserable and wanting and waiting to find an amazing man to share my life with . I thought for sure by thirty I would be married with a couple of kids running around . This led to my year of thirty being absolutely horrendously depressing . I was not at all where I thought I would be . I was single , celibate ( by choice at this stage ) and really just a little bit lost . Actually a lot lost . I love that I can now see the significant moments that led me to be right here in this moment . Everyone 's lives are not supposed to be the same . Not everyone will fall in lave at 22 marry at 24 and have kids at 26 . Thank the universe ! What I would have missed out on if that plan I 'd had all fell into place . I do wish I 'd known about life coaching back when I was in my early twenties , I think it would have given me a much better perspective of where I was in my life . That being said where I am now after only six sessions with a coach , even where I was after three sessions , I know that this is how I want other people to feel . I want to be able to help others find their true self and their direction and anything else that they feel they need help with . I feel this is my calling . That 's why I decided , after much research , to enrol in Beautiful You Life Coaching Course . I cannot tell you what a huge decision this was , not just for me but for my partner as well . It was extra money to spend in the lead up to our wedding and honeymoon that we really had to think about . It was my partners concerns about me always starting things and not finishing them . But most of all it was that I finally figured out what I wanted to do when I grew up , and after 16 years as an adult , not having a clue what I wanted to do or who I wanted to be , it was a risk and a big jump that I needed to take . From the minute I typed in my details and transferred the payment I was exhilarated . I got my confirmation emails and smiled for about three days straight . So this is going to be a huge year for me . I get married , have an amazing honeymoon , and by the end of the year I will be a Life Coach . Already I am learning more and reading and soul searching more than I ever have . My life is where I feel it should be right now , and this ; this is why my heart is so full of happiness . January 28 , 2015 by FindingMe Me A few things have really settled in my brain over the last couple of days . On Friday afternoon I attended a Reiki healing with a friend and work colleague who has recently set up her own business , Holistic Essentials Therapy and Consulting ( Check it out on facebook ) . Kerryn is wonderful and just amazes me in almost every interaction I have with her . This session though was so so different from my first about 6 months ago . When I initially went and saw Kerryn for Reiki the first thing she picked up on was my mind chatter , and so began the journey . I always knew I had a million and one thoughts racing through my mind all the time , but when it 's always there , I assumed it was normal . It wasn 't until Kerryn put that label on it , " mind chatter " , that I really thought about it . This really has led me to where I am now , but I 'll go into more detail of my journey to now in another post . Fast forward to my session on Friday . First , we just had a general chitchat catch up and then we got stuck into it . Now , I 'll be honest , the first time I went , and actually any time in my life that I 've attended any kind of healing or natural therapy , I 'm always quite nervous . Knowing that Kerryn can also do Psychic Medium readings my mind was in overdrive , because all I can think of is " Kerryn can read my mind " ( Shock horror face ) , so what does my mind do ? Think of only totally inappropriate things . Murder , porn , naked , sex , violence , drugs , craziness and anything else just completely ridiculous . I kept trying to clear my mind but it just kept going back to crazy town . So I have no idea if Kerryn could " read " any of that or just that it was crazy mind chatter going on , but this time was different . This year I decided that I needed to learn how to meditate properly and I have been doing this almost every day so far , and if you have read my " aha moment " post you will see that I 've recently found myself in a very different place . So this time I was able to quietly meditate and keep my mind clear while Kerryn did her Reiki healing and the results were amazing . After the healing Kerryn discussed the different things that had come through to her , and so much of this made so much sense to me . She talked about things I had been thinking about and stressing about over the last few weeks . This Blog , and my new - found sense of self , were the main things . I know I have always had this desire or yearning to do more yoga , meditation and try many other different alternative and spiritual practices , but for so long I always put it aside as I knew the people around me just wouldn 't get " it " . I 've gone in and out of phases at different points in my life when I thought was ready to get back into " it " , but I 've always pulled away for whatever reason I 'm not entirely sure . As Kerryn put it though , it 's not about what others think it 's about me and my journey and not about me bringing them along , they have their own journeys unique to their own experiences . The people that are here to experience my journey will find their way to me . She tells me that I have a unique vibrational message that will resonate with people of the same vibration and that we will be drawn to each other . As simple as that sounds , I feel that she has hit the nail on the head . I already feel such a connection to other women wellness bloggers out there , just from reading their posts or watching the vids . I feel there is this wonderful new community that I am becoming part of . And I wonder if this platform had been around ten or more years ago , would I have found my feet sooner ? No use pondering on the past now though . The journey is onwards , and I cannot wait to keep trekking along on this path that now feels so right . So I 'm working on losing the fear of what people think , and this is definitely not an easy one as I 'm sure many of you are familiar with , but it 's time for me to make my mark and stay strong to what I believe and the direction I choose my life to go . I 'm writing down my goals and not just the short term ones . I 'm making them big . Huge , in fact . Big , Hairy , Audacious Goals ( i love this , courtesy of my coach Vanessa ) . Why just dream a little dream when we can reach for the stars . If we believe we can we will get there . That 's my message for today . Don 't let the fear of what others might think or say dull your bright ideas . If you really believe in your dreams , and you are prepared to put in the hard work to make them come true then anything is achievable . And just imagine the end rewards . Not in wealth or fame or splendor , but in your own courage and determination to succeed . Picture , the you of today , meeting the you of 12 months from now . What do you see ? What would you say to yourself ? How do you feel ? Have you ever had one of those absolute " A - ha " moments ? The ones that almost take your breath away , or hit you like a bolt of lightening , or just feel like a giant kick up the butt ? Maybe it 's more like a pure moment of clarity . That feeling of life , right here , right now , is truly wonderful ? No ? This whole blog idea came to me one afternoon when I decided to go for a walk sans headphones and along a familiar route that I had walked so many times before . This time though it was different . I felt like my head was a foot above my shoulders . I was seeing and hearing everything more clearly and honestly must have had the most stupid grin plastered across my ( could explain some funny looks I got from people heading in the opposite direction ) . But honestly I couldn 't have cared less . I felt happy , elated even and no funny looks were going to bring me down . Now , I have a couple of clues as to what finally triggered this blissful moment of awakening . Firstly I was reading a book recommended to me by a friend and work colleague that she said had changed her life . The recommendation came after I was telling her about the constant " mind chatter " that I seem to have going on . That book is ' The Power of Now " by Eckhart Tolle . Now I 'll go into this book more at a later time but after only reading a few pages I was hooked and already starting to use my mind differently and surprisingly enough learning how to control all that persistent " mind chatter " . So , that 's number 1 . Number 2 , I can easily say would have to be the personal development coaching that I had put my hand up for at a management meeting at work one day . They asked for three volunteers and at the time I thought it was going to be about developing myself as a leader and learning how to coach my team members better , but after 5 minutes into the first session I could already feel that this was going to be so much more . I 've now met with Vanessa five times and cannot believe the turn around I have had since that first session . I wont bore you with all the details right now , but its been one of the best experiences of my life and has helped to point me in a new direction that I had never before even considered . So this is where I am right now . January 1st 2015 . My first blog entry , on a blog that is still under construction . My new found sense of self and the dreams and aspirations of what I now want to accomplish not only this year but in life , and I want each and every one of you to come along for the journey . I wish to help everyone find their " Aha " moment , and feel how wonderful life can be when everything feels like its falling into place , or is heading in the right direction .
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I have attempted online courses before but honestly have never come across a more loving and accepting environment as I find with these women . I find myself looking forward to my " chat with the girls " on a Tuesday night when I log onto Skype for our live group calls , and love the learning that is delivered by our lead trainer Julie Parker but also from the questions put forward by all the other trainees . I get butterflies when I put my hand up to ask my own question and just so excited when I am called upon and get to chat with Julie and never feel like the question I want to ask is silly or irrelevant . Every question is met with enthusiasm and encouragement and answered with such a wonderful knowledge from years of Julie 's experience with many examples included . I am so so glad that I decided to take on this course and have been put in touch with this beautiful community . I have found over the years that as you get older making new friends and meeting new people becomes quite difficult . As an adult I feel the opportunity to do this becomes less and less . There is work colleagues and occasionally they will become friends that you socialise with outside of work . There is your partners ' friends and family that you will make connections with and often spend a lot of time with . But other than that there really are not a lot of opportunities to meet new people . So in meeting the above group of women I have been lucky enough to make contact with one who lives less than 15 minutes away from me . Who would have thought in a group of 67 women spread all over the world there would be two from country victoria so close together ? I made the first move , and sent a message via Facebook to see if she would be interested in catching up for a coffee to discuss our experiences so far with BYCA and she replied with enthusiasm . Honestly our first catch up felt like a blind date , I was so nervous . As I said at the start , making new friends , as you get older just happens less and less , so this to me felt quite daunting . But honestly my new friend was just lovely and we spent at least an hour getting to know each other and talking about this amazing course . Now add to this not only one new friend but a second in my coaching buddy that I have been linked with through BYCA . She is in a different state and we have so far had 2 phone conversations but it already feels like we have known each other for years . Its absurd how much we have in common , and things beyond what the coaching academy knew through our questionaries , to have paired us up . But it 's really lovely to have been put in contact with another wonderful person that I look forward to getting to know even better in the future . Now I 'd like to add something else in to this mix and just say that over the past few years I 've sadly lost some wonderful friends . Not through death or them moving away , but simply what I now believe is that our friendships reached their expiry dates . I have come to the conclusion that not all friendships are supposed to last forever . Mind you this came after spending what I now believe was an excessive amount of my time and effort trying to make them work , overlooking the nasty or vindictive comments that came my way , going out of my way to make time or catch up , when really this effort was not being returned . Now I know there are two sides to every story and I 've only shared my part , but in all honestly I feel that I played my part of friend well . Sure there are a few things that I wish I had done differently , but for the most part I think the biggest thing that I noticed as these friendships dissolved was that , when everything that I had ever dreamed of was finally coming my way , and I mean falling in love and getting married , these friends were pulling away . Or they were making many negative comments about my partner , my life , and me . And the worst part was I didn 't even really notice . I mean there were times where I remember defending myself or shrugging things off but when I sat back as these expiry dates got closer I saw all the negative comments the subtle digs , the genuine lack of interest in what was going on in my life , and there were big things going on . It still took something significant to get me to finally call time on these friendships . I honestly think I would have just kept going along in this miserable friendship for god knows how long , had something really not tipped it over the edge . And don 't get me wrong , I am incredibly sad to have lost these friends but in the grand scheme of things it comes back to surrounding yourselves with the positive and wonderful people that are there to support you and lift you up and join in with all the fun times in your life . So that 's what I am dOn Saturday I spent a lovely afternoon having a couple of cheeky wines with an old friend and a new friend and we chatted and laughed and just generally had a lovely time . These are the people I want in my life . Easy and relaxed and carefree wonderful women who would support me and encourage me and genuinely just be happy for me and whatever successes come along in my life , Just as I will be for them . Thankyou to all the lovely amazing women and friends in my life , both the new and the old . You know who you all are and I cannot imagine my life without you in it . I look forward to many more wonderful moments with you all . So this week , it seems the penny has finally dropped . After many months of planning and researching , and dreaming of creating the ultimate capsule wardrobe , it has taken the new and amazing blog of a friend , check out One Hundred Hangers , to finally make the commitment to de - clutter and reduce my wardrobe . Now this might not seem like a big deal to some , but from a newly reformed clothes and shoes hoarder , the stress and anxiety that goes along with letting go of these items is sometime emotionally crippling . As my ( new ) husband found out when we moved into our new house 18 months ago , I am a collector of crap . Anything from cd 's , old photos , clothes and random piece of material and balls of wool , throw in a multitude of unfinished craft projects or research materials for new fads or hobbies . I kept everything . There were tears and tantrums as he attempted to help me let go of the crap that I didn 't need , use or want . Deep down I knew it was just stuff that I would never need again but for some reason I kept hanging onto it . I think this was the beginning of me learning to be ruthless and release . To let go . This however did not translate to my wardrobe until just this week . Over the past couple of months I have done heaps of research into capsule wardrobes and how people made these work and how great they felt with fewer options and reduced stress in decision making of what to wear . It all seemed that less really was more and that the minimalist wardrobe was the way to go . This year already I think that I have sent about 10 garbage bags full of clothes and shoes to Vinnie 's , and still my wardrobe was bursting at the seams . I do have a massive walk in robe that was one of the biggest selling points of our house , I even had it completely re - modelled when we moved in to make the most use out of the space , but it has always just looked messy and cluttered . Previously in my single life I lived in a three - bedroom townhouse with a three door wall of wardrobes in my master bedroom , which was full , and I had turned my second bedroom with single closet into a " wardroom " . With 2 clothes racks full of dresses and over 130 pairs of shoes it was epic . After being introduced to Jess 's amazing new blog this week , reading each post more than once , and following some of the links to where Jess 's inspiration comes from , I was officially hooked . I was finally ready and determined to commit to a 30 - 40 piece capsule wardrobe for Winter 2015 . Last night , I purged another 2 bags of clothes for Vinnie 's , filled a bag to bring to work to sell , listed a heap of stuff on ebay and started selecting the pieces that will make up the basis of the capsule wardrobe collection . It felt amazing . Gone was the stress and anxiety of removing items and placing them in garbage bags . Gone was the need to keep things simply because once upon a time ( 5 , 10 or 15 years ago ) they were my favourite , or I bought that overseas , or I wore that to an amazing party , function , or wedding . What was once so difficult to do , letting go , was all of a sudden so much easier and it felt good . I still have quite a bit of work to do in the cleaning out and tidying up of my wardrobe and I will be shopping for a few key pieces that will complete the overall capsule wardrobe I 'm working towards , but after that I 'll be on a shopping hibernation for the winter . I look forward to the reduced stress and time wastage that was me trying to pick an outfit . And I look forward to the clarity and calm that I hope will come from living with less . Right now I am focusing on my studies with the Beautiful You Coaching Academy and I feel that this is just another piece of the puzzle falling into place . Clearing one space to make room for another . After all the craziness of our recent wedding and honeymoon this cleansing feels so timely and so satisfying . I wonder what I will find to minimise and de - clutter next ; ) . Well hello there . I 've been a little , actually a lot , absent lately . My apologies , but wedding planning and organising has taken over my life and this house , ha ha . Only 3 sleeps to go until our big day . After that its sunny Thailand for 10 nights and then back to the real world and more than likely back to normal . May brings new challenges for me as i embark on my Beautiful You Life Coaching course . I cannot wait to get started on what i hope will be an incredibly fulfilling and rewarding new career path . The plan will also be to get much more active and involved in this blog and bring you lots more content and information . With the wedding countdown well and truly underway I 'm seriously starting to struggle with the never ending appointments being scheduled inn my diary , and the many times I forget to write something down and find myself doubled up or palming things off to the fiancé . And I 'm so so sick of hearing myself over and over again telling people how busy I am . Ugh . Someone asks , " How have you been ? " " So busy " , or " what 's been going on ? " " So much , I 'm flat out busy " or " how are the wedding plans coming along " , " yeah good I 've been so busy " . Then the other day I find myself reading something about being busy , and saying out loud that we are busy all the time . I just wish I could remember where I read it so I could go back and read it again , but honestly when would I have the time I 'm just so busy ! Ha . So the gist of what I read was to stop saying that you 're busy all the time . Look at it as being productive . I 'm just not sure that I am being productive all the time that I say I 'm busy or that I actually really am busy , or am I just using that as an excuse to avoid doing the productive things that I should be doing ? ? ( Confused face ) One of my biggest goals for this year was to get up and meditate and do yoga every morning , and I can tell you now , honestly , this has happened maybe 5 times so far . Yep that 's 59 days of this year gone and I have a less than 3 % success rate ( At least I think that 's correct maths is definitely not my forte ) . So again this morning , the fiancé and I have a conversation about me being a grump in the morning and my struggling to get out of bed and he tells me again that I need to just get into the routine of getting up early . Yes I know this I 've heard it a thousand times before . The annoying thing is , I know that he 's right ( insert rolling of eyes here ) . So I keep telling myself to get up earlier , get up when he goes to the gym , hell I even set my alarm with the super happy Pharrell to try and wake me up but I can still manage to hit snooze and roll over back to sleep . I just need to start making the most of my days and of the hours in each day . All these people I look up to and admire start their days at 5am or some even earlier and they are utilising the hours to meditate and do yoga and prepare healthy foods and create their amazing businesses . This is what I want to be doing too , I Know it is . So why aren 't I just bloody well doing it ? ? ? But for this week and ongoing , the biggest thing I am planning to do is to stop using the word " Busy " . I 've already started , pausing my sentence when I feel myself about to say " busy " , and I try and word it in a more positive way to say that I 'm accomplishing something or being productive . And I really feel better about it . Its that whole way of putting a positive spin on what was becoming a very negative word for me in a time where I am trying to be super positive and to be calm and collected and not get stressed . And hopefully as part of this new productivity I 'll start making the more of the hours I have available . So the alarm is getting set for the whole week at 5 . 30am . I WILL get up and do yoga or go for a walk . I WILL get on top of my emails and keep up with my studies . And I WILL make the most of each and every hour I the day . I will be exhausted by the time I crawl into bed each night but hopefully this will provide me with better quality sleep . Only I can choose to make the most of each hour in my day . I WILL make the most of each hour in my day . Em xx Lately I 'm reading a lot about Fear Vs Love . Fear otherwise known as Ego . I 've read Eckhart Tolle 's views in the Power of Now and I 'm reading Gabrielle Bernstein 's Spirit Junkie as well as a number of other blogger 's that I follow and read religiously e . g . Tara Bliss , Rachel McDonald and Connie Chapman . It 's amazing to now sit back and realise what was going on in my life , and to be honest be a little frustrated that I didn 't know any of this years ago . My Ego / Fear , has thankfully been reduced to a more manageable size now , I think I 'm seeing it as more of an annoying toddler than the giant ogre that it used to be . And I think for the most part I kicked it in the pants without even really being aware of all this Love over Ego business . In the end , it is definitely love that overpowers ego overall though . I first really embraced my own self - love in late November of 2011 . There was an absolute precise moment , where I remember feeling so completely happy and in love with my life . I had just finished decorating my little townhouse for Christmas , just hanging out with my pooch Maurie on a Saturday night . I 'd finally bought a tree to put up ; previously I had just put a wreath on the door . It wasn 't even a wreath ; it was just a funny Santa that said HO HO HO . My housemate from years earlier and I used to laugh and say we needed one more friend to move in ( wink wink ) . Anyhoo , so decorations were done and I think I 'd been watching some lame movie on telly and then I heard the fireworks . No , not in my head or in a cheesy movie symbolic way , although now looking back it was quite symbolic . The local carnival was wrapping up for the year and I was standing on my bed , looking out the little window watching the fireworks . Maurie perched beside me ; a confused look on his little face , wondering what all the banging noise was about . And I just had this moment , my Christmas miracle moment , of being so completely content with life . It was a feeling throughout my whole body and an enormous smile spread across my face . I was happy ! I remember that next New Year 's I made three wishes . One , to sell my townhouse by then end of the year and buy something with more of a yard and my own space , ( I ended up taking it off the market half way through the year when I decided to stick to the original plan . When I bought the townhouse , I planned to live in it until I met someone and then it would be an investment if we moved into another house together ) . Number two wish , was to meet that someone and actually have a relationship after being single for five years . That wish came true in October 2012 , and we are to be married in 66 days ! ! And wish number three was that I apply for a team leading position at my current job , and I became part of the future leaders group in the September of 2012 with my first team leading stint starting the Monday after I met my beloved . I have absolute certainty that none of this would have happened , if I had not had that moment of really realising that I was completely happy in life , and loved myself just as I was . Now I can 't say that any of that came easily . There was quite a period of time where I was in a deep , dark and miserable place , but I guess what I want everyone to realise from this , is that IT is out there . Love . Happiness . Peace . Sometimes it just takes us a little while to find it or to be in the right place for it to find us . But never forget that IT is there , within you somewhere , it just needs a little nurturing and love to make its way to the surface xx You know that feeling that you get in your chest . When it feels kind of tight and tingly at the same time . I don 't mean the heart attack kind of feeling I mean the one that spreads an enormous smile across your face . Like there 's a little mini person in your chest giving your heart a great big hug . I 've been getting it quite a lot lately and I think it just that my heart is happy . Everything has fallen into place and I cannot be more grateful . I was lying in bed Australia day night , snuggled in with my fiancé , and I just had that feeling wash over me and the smile crept onto my face and I was just happy all over . We had been out visiting for the day . Went to amazing antique stores where I found some jewellery for my wedding , which is now less than three months away , and really just relaxed and enjoyed each - others company and had a really nice chilled out day . It was probably the last " date " we are going to get before the wedding . Life is just super busy with work and wedding stuff that we are already looking forward to the honeymoon and just being able to relax together , so it was amazing to just have that beautiful warm feeling creep over me as I crawled in to bed that night . My heart was happy . Now to go back and give you a little background about me . I 'm 34 , turning 35 this year and have been with my partner for about 2 and a half years , and this is the longest relationship I 've ever had . I can honestly only say I 've had 2 other official boyfriends and one of those was only for about 6 months . Now for the most part of my adult life I was miserable and wanting and waiting to find an amazing man to share my life with . I thought for sure by thirty I would be married with a couple of kids running around . This led to my year of thirty being absolutely horrendously depressing . I was not at all where I thought I would be . I was single , celibate ( by choice at this stage ) and really just a little bit lost . Actually a lot lost . I love that I can now see the significant moments that led me to be right here in this moment . Everyone 's lives are not supposed to be the same . Not everyone will fall in lave at 22 marry at 24 and have kids at 26 . Thank the universe ! What I would have missed out on if that plan I 'd had all fell into place . I do wish I 'd known about life coaching back when I was in my early twenties , I think it would have given me a much better perspective of where I was in my life . That being said where I am now after only six sessions with a coach , even where I was after three sessions , I know that this is how I want other people to feel . I want to be able to help others find their true self and their direction and anything else that they feel they need help with . I feel this is my calling . That 's why I decided , after much research , to enrol in Beautiful You Life Coaching Course . I cannot tell you what a huge decision this was , not just for me but for my partner as well . It was extra money to spend in the lead up to our wedding and honeymoon that we really had to think about . It was my partners concerns about me always starting things and not finishing them . But most of all it was that I finally figured out what I wanted to do when I grew up , and after 16 years as an adult , not having a clue what I wanted to do or who I wanted to be , it was a risk and a big jump that I needed to take . From the minute I typed in my details and transferred the payment I was exhilarated . I got my confirmation emails and smiled for about three days straight . So this is going to be a huge year for me . I get married , have an amazing honeymoon , and by the end of the year I will be a Life Coach . Already I am learning more and reading and soul searching more than I ever have . My life is where I feel it should be right now , and this ; this is why my heart is so full of happiness . January 28 , 2015 by FindingMe Me A few things have really settled in my brain over the last couple of days . On Friday afternoon I attended a Reiki healing with a friend and work colleague who has recently set up her own business , Holistic Essentials Therapy and Consulting ( Check it out on facebook ) . Kerryn is wonderful and just amazes me in almost every interaction I have with her . This session though was so so different from my first about 6 months ago . When I initially went and saw Kerryn for Reiki the first thing she picked up on was my mind chatter , and so began the journey . I always knew I had a million and one thoughts racing through my mind all the time , but when it 's always there , I assumed it was normal . It wasn 't until Kerryn put that label on it , " mind chatter " , that I really thought about it . This really has led me to where I am now , but I 'll go into more detail of my journey to now in another post . Fast forward to my session on Friday . First , we just had a general chitchat catch up and then we got stuck into it . Now , I 'll be honest , the first time I went , and actually any time in my life that I 've attended any kind of healing or natural therapy , I 'm always quite nervous . Knowing that Kerryn can also do Psychic Medium readings my mind was in overdrive , because all I can think of is " Kerryn can read my mind " ( Shock horror face ) , so what does my mind do ? Think of only totally inappropriate things . Murder , porn , naked , sex , violence , drugs , craziness and anything else just completely ridiculous . I kept trying to clear my mind but it just kept going back to crazy town . So I have no idea if Kerryn could " read " any of that or just that it was crazy mind chatter going on , but this time was different . This year I decided that I needed to learn how to meditate properly and I have been doing this almost every day so far , and if you have read my " aha moment " post you will see that I 've recently found myself in a very different place . So this time I was able to quietly meditate and keep my mind clear while Kerryn did her Reiki healing and the results were amazing . After the healing Kerryn discussed the different things that had come through to her , and so much of this made so much sense to me . She talked about things I had been thinking about and stressing about over the last few weeks . This Blog , and my new - found sense of self , were the main things . I know I have always had this desire or yearning to do more yoga , meditation and try many other different alternative and spiritual practices , but for so long I always put it aside as I knew the people around me just wouldn 't get " it " . I 've gone in and out of phases at different points in my life when I thought was ready to get back into " it " , but I 've always pulled away for whatever reason I 'm not entirely sure . As Kerryn put it though , it 's not about what others think it 's about me and my journey and not about me bringing them along , they have their own journeys unique to their own experiences . The people that are here to experience my journey will find their way to me . She tells me that I have a unique vibrational message that will resonate with people of the same vibration and that we will be drawn to each other . As simple as that sounds , I feel that she has hit the nail on the head . I already feel such a connection to other women wellness bloggers out there , just from reading their posts or watching the vids . I feel there is this wonderful new community that I am becoming part of . And I wonder if this platform had been around ten or more years ago , would I have found my feet sooner ? No use pondering on the past now though . The journey is onwards , and I cannot wait to keep trekking along on this path that now feels so right . So I 'm working on losing the fear of what people think , and this is definitely not an easy one as I 'm sure many of you are familiar with , but it 's time for me to make my mark and stay strong to what I believe and the direction I choose my life to go . I 'm writing down my goals and not just the short term ones . I 'm making them big . Huge , in fact . Big , Hairy , Audacious Goals ( i love this , courtesy of my coach Vanessa ) . Why just dream a little dream when we can reach for the stars . If we believe we can we will get there . That 's my message for today . Don 't let the fear of what others might think or say dull your bright ideas . If you really believe in your dreams , and you are prepared to put in the hard work to make them come true then anything is achievable . And just imagine the end rewards . Not in wealth or fame or splendor , but in your own courage and determination to succeed . Picture , the you of today , meeting the you of 12 months from now . What do you see ? What would you say to yourself ? How do you feel ? Have you ever had one of those absolute " A - ha " moments ? The ones that almost take your breath away , or hit you like a bolt of lightening , or just feel like a giant kick up the butt ? Maybe it 's more like a pure moment of clarity . That feeling of life , right here , right now , is truly wonderful ? No ? This whole blog idea came to me one afternoon when I decided to go for a walk sans headphones and along a familiar route that I had walked so many times before . This time though it was different . I felt like my head was a foot above my shoulders . I was seeing and hearing everything more clearly and honestly must have had the most stupid grin plastered across my ( could explain some funny looks I got from people heading in the opposite direction ) . But honestly I couldn 't have cared less . I felt happy , elated even and no funny looks were going to bring me down . Now , I have a couple of clues as to what finally triggered this blissful moment of awakening . Firstly I was reading a book recommended to me by a friend and work colleague that she said had changed her life . The recommendation came after I was telling her about the constant " mind chatter " that I seem to have going on . That book is ' The Power of Now " by Eckhart Tolle . Now I 'll go into this book more at a later time but after only reading a few pages I was hooked and already starting to use my mind differently and surprisingly enough learning how to control all that persistent " mind chatter " . So , that 's number 1 . Number 2 , I can easily say would have to be the personal development coaching that I had put my hand up for at a management meeting at work one day . They asked for three volunteers and at the time I thought it was going to be about developing myself as a leader and learning how to coach my team members better , but after 5 minutes into the first session I could already feel that this was going to be so much more . I 've now met with Vanessa five times and cannot believe the turn around I have had since that first session . I wont bore you with all the details right now , but its been one of the best experiences of my life and has helped to point me in a new direction that I had never before even considered . So this is where I am right now . January 1st 2015 . My first blog entry , on a blog that is still under construction . My new found sense of self and the dreams and aspirations of what I now want to accomplish not only this year but in life , and I want each and every one of you to come along for the journey . I wish to help everyone find their " Aha " moment , and feel how wonderful life can be when everything feels like its falling into place , or is heading in the right direction .
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On our last day in Belgium , still riding high on the thrills of Kattenstoet , we decided to head back to Brussels early to give ourselves some time to do stuff in the city before catching the Eurostar back home . ( If I mention how much I prefer the Eurostar to flying , will they give me free tickets ? No , I don 't think so either , but it 's worth a try . ) We went to Brussels a few years ago , and I wasn 't terribly impressed with it then , but I don 't remember visiting many museums the first time around , and I also think the frites there are better than most of the ones in Brugge ( must be the ox fat ) , so it was worth it just to get that cardboard cone of fried potatoes . Unfortunately , we were there on a Monday , which is the museum closing day in Belgium , so it initially looked like we wouldn 't be seeing any museums this time around either . Enter the Parlamentarium . Aside from its amazing name , the Parlamentarium also had free admission , and of course its Monday opening hours to recommend it . It sounded perfect , at least , until we actually had to find our way there . We 'd gotten into the Grand Place from Brussels Zuid with little difficulty ( where I gobbled down some frites ) , but the European Parliament is located outside the touristy centre of the city , in a district full of scary embassies with soldiers clutching machine guns out front ( America , I 'm looking at you ) . Strangely , considering how Belgium is renowned for being a flat country , Brussels appears to be built on a hill , and we found ourselves climbing it the whole way . And we took a wrong turn at some point , which extended the journey . And it was about 80 degrees Fahrenheit that day , which was a hell of a lot hotter than we 'd been used to , so we sweated the whole way there . But we made it in the end , albeit about an hour later than I would have liked to , because last entry to Cantillon Brewery was at 4 , and it was at the other end of the city . This meant our visit to the Parlamentarium would have to be a short one . To get in , you have to submit your bag and person to a security scan , and then store your bags in the lockers they provide ( which are free , at least ) , and I don 't think they encourage photography ( save for with the cardboard cutout of Martin Schulz before the entrance . And if I told you I knew who Martin Schulz was before visiting the museum , I 'd be lying ) . Because everything in the museum must be translated into the 24 official languages of the EU , to avoid having a million different signs in the Parlamentarium , they rely on audio guides . The idea is that you scan certain points in the museum , and a short video will play in your chosen language . However , it didn 't seem to be working correctly when I was there , as it kept trying to play me videos in French , only switching to English after the opening gallery . I think this museum is for people more patient than I am ; because there were loads of scanning points with fairly lengthy videos ( or audio ) for each , you would have had to stand there for hours to listen to everything , so I just skipped ahead to the interactive bits . They had a giant map of Europe , with little moveable stands , the idea being that you scanned different points on the map to learn more about that country . They also had a mock - up of the European Parliament ( comfy chairs ) , with interactive screens where you could play games trying to match MEPs up with their seats , or vote on issues . To be honest , I felt kind of embarrassed the whole time I was there , thanks to the UK 's Euroskepticism ( and the antics of Nigel Farage ) . It 's pretty ridiculous when the people representing you ( well , in a general sense ; as I 'm not a citizen yet , I guess I don 't technically get any kind of representation ) don 't even believe in the body they 're meant to be working with ; seriously , what is the point of them even being there , other than to make themselves as obnoxious as possible and impede progress ? ! I don 't like to get political on here , but I would categorise myself as more pro - EU than not ( and having had the freedom to move here myself ( which would not have been the case had I enrolled in my Master 's programme just a year later than I did , " thanks " to Theresa May ! ( ugh ) ) it would be pretty hypocritical of me not to support that same right for others ) , so visiting the Parlamentarium was eye - opening in lots of ways , and not good ones . I wish I would have had a bit more time to spend here , for all that I wasn 't crazy about the audio guides , but I think a lot of it was just too political - sciencey to have held my interest anyway . I appreciate that it 's free and open to the public though . 3 / 5 . Even though we didn 't spend much time at the Parlamentarium , by the time we found a train station and caught a train back to Brussels - Zuid , it was already after 4 , and we still had to walk to Cantillon , so I was sure they weren 't going to let us in . Fortunately , the gregarious man at the front desk didn 't seem too bothered by our arriving 15 minutes late , as there were still a few groups in front of us he was letting in . I 'd never tried Cantillon before visiting the brewery , but I like lambics very much ( I really only like lambics and fruit beers ; I 'm into sour but not bitter ) , and one of my friends always raves about their stuff , so I thought it was worth investigating further . 7 euros gets you a self - guided brewery tour ( what they refer to as a living museum of gueuze , which apparently is pronounced guuuuuuhhhhz , at least according to the woman in the shop ) and two samples of their beer ( about a half glass each , whatever that translates to in ounces , since I don 't think they were pint glasses ) . The brewery isn 't all that big , as they have a fairly small - scale production , but the booklet they give you is pretty lengthy , and fully covers all the stages of the brewing process . Really it was more about smelling your way through , as everything had a yeasty cheesy aroma that I rather enjoyed , there not being that much to actually see , since they weren 't bottling anything up at this time of year . Gueuze is a blended lambic , made from lambics of different vintages , so I think they always have something brewing away ( their Grand Cru is made of three year old lambic ) , there just isn 't anything to look at while it sits in barrels I guess . I did kind of rush through the tour because I was eager to get to the sampling portion of the experience , which is handed out by a man with a grey ponytail who was mentioned on all the Trip Advisor reviews ( I don 't know why , but after reading so much about him I would have been a little disappointed if he wasn 't there ) . We got a sample of gueuze and one of kriek , both of which were delicious ( though I am very partial to kriek ) . They have more beers available to taste , but you have to pay extra for them , and as they were about to close , we didn 't want to linger too long . If the taster sells you on their beers ( as they clearly hope it will ) , never fear , because they have a variety of merchandise for sale next to the bar area , including t - shirts , cheese , marmalade , and of course , a range of Cantillon beer ( though only a small selection of the various types they make ) . We picked up four 75cl bottles , which in retrospect was a mistake as it meant we had to haul them back home , but they were quite a bit cheaper than they are in the UK , so whatever . I know sour beer isn 't to everyone 's taste , but these guys seemed really passionate about what they do , and I loved their beer , so I enjoyed myself ( even though the tour really isn 't worth 7 euros , but after getting the samples , you 're not likely going to complain about it ) ; just don 't count on an in - depth or guided tour , because this isn 't the brewery for that . 3 . 5 / 5 . Until next time , Belgium ! Finally ( ! ) , we come to the reason I had to visit Belgium on the second weekend of May in 2015 . Kattenstoet ! This cat themed festival is held in Ieper ( Ypres ) every three years , and evolved from the much darker tradition of throwing cats from the top of the Cloth Hall 's bell tower ( which in itself came about because Ieper is historically a cloth - manufacturing town ( mentioned in The Canterbury Tales as one of the towns the Wife of Bath could best in cloth - making ) ; people needed something to keep rats out of the cloth , so they brought in cats , but the cats quickly multiplied and overran the town , so the citizens of Ieper then needed some way to get rid of the excess cats . This being an age before humane treatment of animals was a thing ) . They stopped throwing live cats in 1817 , and the festival went dormant until after WWI , when the people of Ieper ( I 'd call them Yperites , but that 's what the French called mustard gas , so they must have a different demonym ) wanted a new image for the city , after the horrors of war , and revived the cat tradition in the form of a parade . Unfortunately , they picked 1938 as the year to reinstate the festival , so for obvious reasons , it went on hiatus again until 1946 , when they REALLY needed something to cheer them up ( a more detailed history is available on the official website I linked to in the first paragraph ) . Kattenstoet happily continues to this day , in the form of a three - hour parade , followed by a " fool " throwing toy cats from the tower , and the burning of witches in effigy ( another reference to the darker origins of the parade ) . After reading about the parade ( and seeing postcards of some of the floats ) in the gift shop of the In Flanders Fields Museum a couple of years ago , I knew I HAD to attend the next event , and so it was I found myself staking out a spot amongst the crowds on the pavement on a sunny Sunday afternoon a couple months ago ( with my long - suffering boyfriend ) . A cat festival is perhaps an odd choice for someone who is allergic to cats , and thus has never owned one , but like most other people in this internet age , I enjoy looking at amusing pictures of them online , and happily stop to pet the cats that live on my street ( I just immediately wash my hands afterwards ) . Besides , this festival was just too bizarre to miss . They had me at " cat - themed tableaux . " I was a little worried about getting a good spot at all because the advertising caravan was due to kick off at 2 , at which point we were just getting into Ieper , and we ended up having to park at a strip mall a couple miles outside of town because all the spaces closer were filled up . ( You can book a seat on one of the grandstands in advance for a modest fee ( if you consider 15 euros modest ) , but we opted to go the cheapo route and just find somewhere to stand . ) However , plenty of Belgians were walking into the centre of town at the same time we were , so clearly not everyone shows up hours early to get a spot . And we ended up finding somewhere near the end of the parade route , so even though it was well after 2 : 30 when we finally got there , the advertising caravan was just starting to pass through . Fortunately for not - very - tall me , we managed to get a place on a raised walkway in front of some shops , so I could actually see most of what was going on ( I 'm 5 ' 4 ″ , which I guess is technically average height , but it sure doesn 't feel like it when you 're in the back of a crowd ) . This being Belgium , there was also a beer stand just around the corner , selling delicious kriek , but due to the complete lack of public toilets in Belgium ( and those gross exposed urinal things do not count ) , I opted not to partake ( unlike most of the crowd , who had no such qualms about getting progressively drunker over the course of the afternoon . I 'm genuinely impressed by the capacity of their bladders ) . The advertising caravan , whilst pretty much just consisting of vehicles driven by local shops and car dealerships , proved to be surprisingly entertaining because they were throwing out candy to the crowds , just like at the American parades of my youth ( I took baton for a bit in elementary school , and I was in marching band in high school , so I marched in quite a few of the things . Not so fun when it 's 90 + degrees on the Fourth of July , and you have to march uphill in a wool uniform whilst pretending to play a saxophone ( we were meant to be playing for real , but I was terrible at it and never bothered to memorise the music ) ) . Unlike American parades , where most people just let the children grab the candy ( or maybe that was just because my mother was there glaring them all down so I could get my share ) , this was a complete free - for - all . If I wanted that damn candy , I had to scuffle for it with a bunch of old people ( like proper old ; one lady was using her Zimmer frame to guard the candy until her equally elderly friend could grab it ) , and I 'm not ashamed to say that scuffle I did . ( What , I was standing there for ages , and I hadn 't had lunch . I needed those oddly flavoured Euro - taffies ! ) They were also handing out fairly nice freebies , like tote bags , but you had to be near the front of the crowd to get those , like one inebriated woman who chased people down the street until they handed them over . After the caravan had passed through , there was a fairly lengthy wait until the cat parade started up , which most people filled by drinking even more , and smoking profusely ( which was not so great to have to breathe in for hours , but when in Belgium … ) . My feet had already started to hurt at this point ( since I wear shoes with no arch support whatsoever ) , but when the cat parade started up , I forgot all about my aches and pains . It was brilliant ! I can 't help but feel that these photos don 't even start to do it justice , because it was everything the website promised , and more . Picture hundreds of people in hilarious cat costumes dancing through the streets , singing ( what sounded like ) cat themed songs , and huge cat themed floats . And historically themed tableaux . Every time you thought it might be winding down , more amazing floats would appear around the corner , and the fun would start all over again . As you can see , they started with the Ancient Egyptians , moved on to pre - medieval Europe ( the Belgian equivalent of Anglo - Saxons , whatever that is ) , then the Middle Ages , and then … who knows ? ! I completely lost track of what the hell was going on about halfway through the parade , and it really didn 't matter . I 'm not sure what pole - dancing girls in cat makeup , or unicycles , or people breathing fire have to do with the history of cats , but it all worked . It was completely bonkers , and I loved every minute . Another local tradition is the Ypres Giants , who always make an appearance in the parade . There is a legend surrounding each one of them ( again , explained in more detail on their website ) , but their origins date back to medieval and early modern traditions in the city ( though the giant figures used in the parade obviously haven 't been around that long ) . They 're about 5 metres high ( 15 feet ? ) , and they can be made to spin around if you yell loudly enough at the people handling them ( as I found out thanks to the rather tipsy guy in front of me ) . I like how sassy the fellow on the left is , and I 'm intrigued by what appears to be a tattoo of Fidel Castro on Goliath 's arm . Or is it a tattoo of himself ? Either way , it 's weird . And of course there was Garfield , but the stars of the parade were undoubtedly Cieper , and his wife Minneke Poes ( pictured at the very start of the post ) . Cieper has been around since 1955 , although he caught fire after hitting some electrical wires in 1960 , the year of Minneke Poes 's birth , and had to be rebuilt . I imagined these giant cats would close out the parade , much like Santa Claus at the Macy 's Parade ( which is nowhere near as good as Kattenstoet , by the way ; too much filler with all those boring Broadway numbers ) , but I was wrong , because a float of fools was on the horizon . Although the big ceremonial throwing of cats was yet to come , apparently the fool hurls a few stuffed cats off the float during the parade … and this turned out to be Jessica 's time to shine ! I honestly wasn 't even trying to catch a cat , since I was near the back of the crowd , but as I was looking down at my phone , something hit my arm , and I whipped my head up to discover a small stuffed cat resting on me ! I honestly can 't remember the last time I was so thrilled ! The people near me gathered around ( I assume to congratulate me , though as they were speaking Flemish , perhaps they wanted my cat and were making rude comments ) , and I just smiled and nodded at them whilst clutching Cieper Jr . Maybe it 's a sign my luck is changing ? If you 're not lucky enough to catch a cat in the parade , never fear , as you 'll have another opportunity at the Cloth Hall , where the fool finally emerged after a lengthy wait , and capered around on a flimsy looking platform before hurling each toy cat off the edge ( I was relieved to see he was wearing a bungee cord , because that platform seriously looked like it might collapse ) . I was glad I 'd already managed to get a cat though , because people were going nuts for these ones . Like actually brawling over them , and crawling over each other to grab one . If after all that , you still haven 't managed to procure a cat , never fear , as there are some for sale in the town square ( though obviously it 's best if you manage to get one for free ) . There were also other cat - themed products for sale , including ( vaguely ) cat - shaped bread , and cat chocolates , but I was actually kind of disappointed there were no t - shirts or anything . I definitely would have worn a stupid cat t - shirt if there was one going . Because we were tired after standing around all afternoon , and exploring museums all morning , we opted not to stay to see the burning of the witches , and walked back to our car to beat the crowds getting out of Ieper , but if it was anything like the rest of the festival , I 'm sure it was great . What else can I say about the cat festival ? I think Kattenstoet is one of those once - in - a - lifetime events ( although I would definitely go back at some point in the future , it is only every three years after all ) , and I 'm so glad I got to experience the madness . It was completely insane , in the best of ways . How many towns would really be willing to go to all this trouble , just for the sake of cats ? ( Seriously , Ieper is only home to about 35 , 000 people , and there must have been a few thousand marching in the parade , let alone involved with organising it and everything else , so most people must get involved in some way . ) This is just one of the many reasons why I love Belgium . It 's always going to be one of my favourite countries to visit , and Kattenstoet has confirmed that . 5 / 5 . Perfect . After finishing with the excellent Passchendaele Museum , we still had some time to kill before the cat - festivities kicked off , so we headed down the road to Hooge , for the Hooge Crater Museum , which bills itself as the " best private museum in Flanders Fields . " The advertising must work , because a massive tour bus pulled in at the same time we did , much to my dismay . Fortunately , they headed straight for the bar at the front of the museum , so the museum itself remained empty . I must confess that due to the advertising and the rather hefty 5 euro admission fee ( for such a small museum ) , my expectations were high . Sadly , they were in no way met by the museum 's contents . The museum first directs you into a room to watch a filmstrip , which only held my attention for a couple of minutes , and then into the main gallery of the museum itself , which has a lot of cases , but most of them are taken up by life - size dioramas . I do love life - size dioramas with hilarious mannequins , there 's no denying that , but the museum wasn 't big enough to support multiple dioramas AND a decent amount of actual artefacts , so it only took about ten minutes to make my way around the room . I mean , yes , the mannequins were excellent ( meaning , they made me laugh my ass off ) , and the replica of the Red Baron 's plane was pretty awesome as well , but it just wasn 't enough to overcome the general lack of content . I don 't feel like there was much in there about the Battle of Hooge Crater , or the actual crater in question ( which is apparently nearby , in front of the Hooge Crater Cemetery ) , unless you were willing to squint at some yellowing sheets of paper with tiny font . I 'm still not even sure how you pronounce Hooge . I 'm going with a phonetic " hooooge " like who and huge combined , but it might have some weird Flemish pronunciation , who knows . There was another gallery in a back room with a rather interesting story about a soldier who found a crucifix lying on the battlefield , and took it home with him with the intention of someday returning it to the appropriate place , but he died shortly after the war , so his family ended up hanging onto it for the best part of a century until they discovered this museum and donated it to them . In fact , that was probably the most interesting part of the whole museum . I 'm not sure what constitutes a " private museum " in Belgium exactly ; as in , I don 't know how the Passchendaele Museum , In Flanders Fields Museum , and others are classified , but rather than being the " best , " I have to say that Hooge Crater is probably the worst WWI museum I 've been to , especially for the price . If it was only a euro or two , I wouldn 't have been so bothered , but 5 euro is a lot for a very small museum without much to offer . 2 / 5 . On a side street right next to Poperinge 's Town Hall , you 'll find a red door simply marked " death cell . " Upon entering , you 're faced with a prison cell where soldiers were held during the war … some of them simply overnight for drunkenness or staying out past curfew - but for some poor men , it was where they spent their last night alive , before being executed for desertion in the morning . Because many of these men were suffering from shell shock , their executions were nothing short of tragic , and the cell serves as a grim reminder of these young men who had their lives cut short . It 's not really the most pleasant atmosphere to be in , but I 'm glad it 's something I saw and experienced , just to reflect on the many horrors of war . Some of the men carved their names on the wall of the cell , and these inscriptions have been preserved , with some of the more legible ones highlighted . To end on something more upbeat , so the extreme joy of Kattenstoet in the next post ( and it WILL be the next post , I promise ! ) doesn 't seem too jarring , Poperinge is also where Talbot House was located . This famous institution was started by two British Army chaplains as a place for soldiers to come when they could get away from the front lines , just to relax and engage in wholesome entertainments ( basically stuff other than prostitutes or heavy drinking ) . It was unique because it wasn 't only an officer 's club , but welcomed soldiers of all ranks . It is now a museum / hotel , but I didn 't have a chance to go in , simply admiring it / posing for a picture on the outside , but you can definitely add it to your list if you need a jolt of relative positivity after the Death Cell . I know I 'd like to return someday to see the interior for myself ! I don 't think a visit to Belgium can really be complete without seeing something related to WWI ( or more than one thing ; I 'll be devoting a couple of posts to it this time around ) . It played such a huge role in the history of this little country , as so much of Flanders was virtually decimated in the fight over a relatively tiny area of land , and many of the Belgian people were forced to flee to avoid the war and destruction . On my last trip to Belgium , I made it to a few WWI sites , visiting the Ijzer Tower , In Flanders Fields Museum , and Tyne Cot cemetery . However , I did not get to see the Passchendaele Museum , which is very near Tyne Cot , as it had already closed for the day by the time I got there . Clearly , it was time to remedy this . With the cat festival in Ieper planned for that afternoon ( yeah , you read that correctly … just you wait ! ) , it left the morning free for exploring nearby Great War sites , starting with Passchendaele ( admission 7 . 5 euros ) . As you can probably guess from the museum 's full name , it commemorates the Battle of Passchendaele , fought in 1917 . Like so much of the war , Passchendaele was tragically almost pointless in terms of the human life lost relative to what was actually accomplished ( at least half a million casualties over a fight for 5 miles of territory ) . If you need a visual aid for this , then visit Tyne Cot to see it all starkly laid out in front of you , in the form of row upon row upon row of identical tombstones for the soldiers killed in the Ypres Salient ( and really , please do visit Tyne Cot , as there 's nothing else quite so effective at driving home the futility of war ) . However , perhaps because the museum recognises that many of its visitors will also have just been to Tyne Cot , and doesn 't wish to immediately depress them further , the museum isn 't all doom and gloom . In fact , a lot of it is rather fun . The museum obviously took children into consideration when planning out the galleries , as there are lots of activities . Fortunately for me , there were no children in sight , so I was free to ignore the fact that the mirrors had been intentionally been placed at a child 's eye - level , and indulge my love of dressing up ( and I do recommend visiting early in the morning as we did , because the tour bus circuit seems to come through later in the day ) . I learned that I look surprisingly good in a helmet , which is probably not what the museum was going for , but still . The museum is split up into five different sections , beginning with a general history of the war , which is the most like a traditional museum , and then , similar to the Ijzer Tower , goes off piste a bit by including the re - creation of a dugout , which leads into an underground area about the history of the battle itself , then into a re - creation of some trenches , and finally , to a memorial section . Next came the British dugouts , which we entered via a wooden staircase ( I sent my boyfriend down first , just in case ) . I don 't know if they wanted their attempt to re - create these dugouts to include the actual fear and nervous anticipation that real soldiers would have felt , but it worked on me ! Usually these things have some kind of explosion noise that 's triggered when you walk into them , and because I 'm terrified of sudden loud noises ( I hate balloons for this very reason ) , I was extremely tense the entire time , just waiting for the explosion to happen ( I won 't ruin it for you by telling you what actually happens , so you can experience real fear too ! ) , and though exploring the maze of tunnels was fun , I was quite relieved to finally emerge blinking into the next area . I wouldn 't generally consider myself a big weaponry person , but some of the facts about the WWI weapons were fascinating … unfortunately , I 'm hard - pressed to repeat any of them here , as I initially wrote this a week and a half after my visit , and after going to a number of other museums , so my retention is not as good as it normally is . Thanks to the pictorial evidence , I can tell you that I tried on yet another helmet before heading out to the trenches ( seriously , I 'm sure it 's cost - prohibitive , but it would be awesome if they gave you a helmet to borrow when walking through the trenches . It would really add to the experience ) . The trenches are , appropriately enough , actually outside ( when we first showed up , the lady at the admissions desk said something about going outside , but we didn 't quite catch it and were worried there was some kind of additional walk we were meant to go on that we wouldn 't have had time for , so we were relieved when we realised she had probably meant the trench section ) . Definitely don 't wear shoes with any kind of a heel , as there are big gaps between the boards on the bottom of the trench , and you will probably fall through . I liked how different sections of the trench were constructed out of different materials , to illustrate the difference between British and German trenches . In fact , I think the whole museum set - up was very nicely done , with the sections smoothly segueing into each other , and covering so many war - time environments . At the end of the trenches , there was an American relief house , provided to some of the Belgians who had lost their homes in the war ; it definitely appears to be American in design , as Belgian houses have a very distinct look , and this house isn 't it , but it did provide some information on the American role in the war ( ignore me on the porch with a stupid expression on my face ) . Finally , we reached the Hall of Reflection , which was quite extensive and solemn , but also contained an array of interesting facts ( concealed under panels featuring various cartoon characters ) , about the wartime experiences of people like AA Milne and Walt Disney . There was quite a moving sculpture at the end , made of arms floating on a watery surface ( which sounds weird without an explanation , but was meant to represent the many men who died from drowning in the trenches , especially after they were wounded and couldn 't escape , due to dreadful weather during Passchendaele that led to flooding ) . I have to say that the Passchendaele Museum was right up there with the best war museums I 've seen . It fully conveyed the horrors of war , but also offered opportunities to get a taste of ( dramatically toned - down ) wartime experiences yourself , making for an enjoyable and educational experience . If you have to pick one museum in the Ieper area to visit , I think this would be an excellent choice . 4 . 5 / 5 . Given what a windy day it was , with hints of rain on the horizon , after seeing James Ensorhuis and the kite festival , the only logical thing to do would be to visit an outdoor attraction , right ? Well , anyway , that 's what I did . If you venture a few miles down the road from Ostend , you 'll find one of the best - preserved sections of the Atlantic Wall built by the Germans during WWII ( the wall originally stretched all along the coast from France to Norway , which is pretty impressive , until you bear in mind that it did them a fat lot of good in the end , am I right ? ) , which has now been turned into a whole museum complex that also includes a living history fishing village ( knowing my penchant for fishing heritage centres , it may come as a bit of a surprise that I didn 't also visit that ) . Atlantikwall costs 8 euros , with an included audio guide , or 10 euros if you want to visit the fishing village as well ( a saving of 4 euros ) , but be forewarned that it involves a lot of walking . Even just getting from the carpark to the museum entrance is a fair hike , and then the museum itself is spread out over a couple kilometres with lots of stairs ( though nothing like the 366 in Belfort ) , and although there are a few bunkers and stuff you can go inside , the vast majority is outside , so pick a nice day for your visit . I didn 't exactly follow my own advice , but fortunately the rain held off , so aside from it being windy and a bit chilly , it wasn 't too bad in the end . After my boyfriend and I picked up our audio guides , we were initially a bit confused , as a map near the entrance seemed to indicate we had a choice of two different routes : a green and a red , but the arrow signs were all yellow , so perhaps they 've been consolidated into one route , since we definitely saw everything . The interesting thing about this section of the Atlantikwall is that it also includes some ruins from WWI ( the " ONLY preserved German coastal battery from WWI , " according to their website ) , so I guess you get more bang for your buck / euro . You all know by now of my long - running feud with audio guides , but these ones were alright . They only rambled on for a minute or so at each stopping point , usually the time it took to walk to the next one , so you weren 't left dawdling around for ages waiting for it to finish . I feel as though I should maybe be talking more about all the weaponry laying around , and military history generally , but munitions lie well outside my area of expertise , and the audio guides pretty much tell you all you need to know , being supplemented by actual signs here and there . There was even a sample of the different horrible obstructions the Germans attempted to put in the way of the Allies , including Rommelspargel , pointy post things named for both Rommel and their resemblance to asparagus . Rommel himself was actually transferred here for a bit to make improvements , so he was the one responsible for all the additional fortifications , at least until Hitler forced him to commit suicide . Atlantikwall was mercifully nearly deserted the majority of the time we were walking through , although we managed to catch up with some annoying Euro - hipsters near the end ( not sure how that worked , because the audio guide should mean that everyone is moving around at roughly the same pace . Maybe because they kept stopping to flap their jaws instead of just moving along to the next number ) , which was irritating because it was the one section that did have a lot indoors , and some videos to watch , which I skipped just to get away from all the people . Instead , I lingered in the storeroom , with its display of tinned sausages and other hilarious yet disgusting German foodstuffs , and copies of the menu that the soldiers were served . In general , I liked Atlantikwall , and I learned a fair bit ( how much I 've retained is another matter entirely , as evidenced by the scarcity of war information in this post , though one thing I did find interesting is that some Eastern Europeans who were opposed to communism volunteered with the Nazis , in the hopes of taking down Stalin , but the Germans didn 't fully trust them , so they were generally given shitty jobs of no major importance to do ) . I think it 's fantastic that these pieces of history have been preserved ( Belgium in general seems to make a real effort to honour the past , probably because it 's been used as a battleground in so many major wars ) , and I think the set - up is generally quite good ; while we weren 't sure about the yellow arrows at first , as sometimes it felt like we were bypassing stuff , it 's actually arranged in quite a clever way , and the path winds you back around in such a manner that you get to see everything without much backtracking . I also liked how we were left free to wander and explore ( save for the alarm we were warned about if you stray beyond the ropes , leaving me anxious about accidentally triggering it ) . So yeah , I suppose it was a pretty worthwhile experience , and something a bit different from all the WWI stuff that dominates most of Belgium ( though there 'll be some of that coming soon , don 't worry ! ) . Maybe I 'll have to return to see that fishing village someday , though if they 're speaking Flemish , perhaps not … 3 . 5 / 5 . Ostend ( or Oostende ) is only about 13 miles from Brugge , so it was easy enough for us to cruise up there after procuring the world 's smallest rental car ( ok , so it was a 4 door Smart Car , and I suppose the classic 2 door model would have technically been smaller , but believe me , there was no way more than two people would have fit in there . The backseat barely held a backpack and my purse ) . We 'd chosen an exceptionally windy day for our visit , which coincidentally turned out to be the day of Ostend 's kite festival ( we didn 't know about it in advance - I only spotted the posters advertising the festival when we approached the town , so it was a nice bonus ) , so after parking in an underground lot , and fighting through what felt like gale - force winds at street level , I was initially dismayed to find that the Ensor Museum appeared very much shut that day . The museum is only open from 10 - 12 anyway , and then again in the afternoon after 2 ; we 'd arrived just past 10 , so we figured we 'd go for a little walk ( " against the wind " - Bob Seger this time ) and then return , in case they were just a little late about opening that day . However , when we returned , the window shutter was still down , and there was no sign of life ( there was a sign on the door , but it was in Flemish , and just looked like a poster advertising an exhibition or something , not directions on what to do ) , so I sadly settled for just having a picture in front of the place and was about to leave when a Belgian couple turned up . Unlike us , they were not too chickenshit to pound on the front door , and sure enough , a woman emerged and let them in , so we quickly followed behind them ( despite my attempts to build up suspense , the photos of the interior probably gave away the fact that we eventually made it inside ) . So the moral is : if you try to visit and the shutters are down , don 't give up until you 've knocked on the door and rang the bell ( I suspect the shutters may have been down to protect the windows , the wind being so terrible ) . The house is very small , but admission is just 2 euro , so that was ok . Besides , I was getting to " meet James Ensor , Belgium 's famous painter " ( which I sang about twenty times that day ) . James Ensor spent almost his entire long life in Ostend , though he lived at his parents ' house for the first two - thirds of it ( " he lived with his mother and the torments of Christ " ) ; like James Ensorhuis , this also contained a souvenir shop . The house where the Ensor Museum is based belonged to his aunt and uncle , but he inherited it after their death , and lived there from 1917 ( when he was 57 ) until his own death in 1949 . The main things to see within the house are the Blue Room and the dining room upstairs ( there is also a documentary to watch , but it was in Flemish , so after looking at some of his paintings on the documentary , there wasn 't much point in watching the rest ) , which is where Ensor worked and entertained guests . I feel like I keep using the phrase " fabulously weird " to describe Belgium , but that really is the best term for it . I don 't know why after listening to that damn song so many times , I never bothered to look up Ensor 's paintings , because they are bizarre and amazing and I was missing out . The house was kind of like a classier and slightly less creepy version of the house in Texas Chainsaw Massacre ( the original film , which scares the crap out of me , but is still better than that dreadful remake ) , with a dead bird in the corner , a skull wearing a hat on the mantle , and a mannequin clad in one of his aunt 's souvenir Carnival masks sitting at the table . Although the paintings are reproductions , the brochure informs me that the furniture is authentic , so I 'm going to choose to believe that James Ensor was this strange , and I love the guy for it . Like many artists , Ensor had different phases in his career , from his obsession with " the torments of Christ " resulting in a lot of creepy zombie - Jesus type pictures ( even though Ensor was apparently an atheist , which makes me like him even more ) , to his many unusual self - portraits , and his fascination with the scatalogical ( many of his paintings contain bare buttocks and fart clouds , which seems to indicate that we even have the same juvenile sense of humour ) , all of which are represented here . He also had a thing for skulls ( I 'm particularly partial to this painting of two skulls fighting over a pickled herring ) . His style seems to have been all over the place , and is hard to pin down , but maybe that 's what I like so much about him . I think I can safely say that James Ensor is my new favourite painter ( and he even comes with a nifty song . So does Van Gogh , but that Don McLean song is so depressing . I want to burst into tears every time I hear it ) . His aunt 's original souvenir shop has also been preserved ( albeit with the addition of some new things for sale ) , and contains cases filled with Carnival masks ( including a man with a goat head bursting out of his face ) and some shells and things . There 's also a large preserved turtle , and some other taxidermy , like a wall - case with several Feegee style mermaids inside of it ( head of a monkey , body of a fish ) . Still , that 's not all there is to Ostend . We also found the old church of St . Peter and St . Paul , which was mostly destroyed by a fire in 1896 ( James Ensor sketched out a rather mystical drawing showing his suggestions for the re - build , because of course he did ) , but a tower remains , and there is a spectacular scene hidden underneath the crucifix on the front - what appears to be some sinners burning in the flames of hell . After exploring Ostend , I can begin to appreciate how spending his whole life in this town may have warped James Ensor 's mind in fantastic ways . There was also that kite festival I mentioned at the start . Though it was almost TOO windy to be flying kites , they still had them whipping around on the beach , and there were some excellent kites out there . I was partial to the alligator , though I think my boyfriend favoured the shark , and we both thought the witch and ghosts were neat . But that 's still not all there is to Ostend , oh no . In my next post , I 'll talk about the AtlantikWall museum , which is just a few miles down the road from the centre of Ostend . Well , I 've still got another English Heritage property and some Londony things to talk about , but I 'm so excited to tell you about my latest trip to Belgium that I 'll spare you for now and just intersperse them with Belgian stuff later on . In terms of European holiday destinations , I 've been to Belgium a lot . I think some people may perceive it as being a boring country , but something about it just keeps drawing me back . It doesn 't hurt that the Belgians just seem so fabulously weird , in the best possible way . There 's always unusual museums or strange festivals to visit ( the latter being the main reason for my trip … you will hear much more about the wonder that is Kattenstoet in a future post ) , and three of the food groups that make up the bulk of my diet ( chocolate , frites , and waffles - throw in cereal , cheese , and pasta and that 's 90 % of what I eat ) are very well represented , so why wouldn 't I keep coming back ? To ease you into my latest holiday ( because really , shit gets weird at Kattenstoet , but in a good way ) , I 'm starting out with a mainstream tourist attraction - the huge bell tower in the centre of Brugge ( Bruges ) , otherwise known as Belfort . I 've stayed in Brugge a couple times before this , but my position on Belfort has always been : why should I pay 8 euros to queue for ages and then climb a bunch of steps ? I can climb stairs for free if I want to ! However , my boyfriend was quite keen to see it , as it apparently features heavily in the film In Bruges , which I have never watched ( not being much for films unless they feature a disturbingly sexy animated fox , the superb dancing and charmingly scarred cheek of Gene Kelly , Indiana Jones ( except that fourth one , I don 't like to talk about that ) , or Chevy Chase being a jerk ( his natural state , I 'm told ) at some point in the 1980s ) . Because we arrived in the city on a Friday afternoon , and Belfort was relatively uncrowded ( the line only stretched onto the balcony outside the ticket office , not down the steps , around the corner , and out to the street , like I have seen it in the past ) , after grabbing an ice cream from the always delectable Da Vinci Gelateria , we joined the queue ( though we couldn 't let our guard down as Spanish people kept trying to cut in front of us . I stared them down and tried to make myself look as wide as possible , like I was scaring off bears or something , and they eventually gave up and left . Result ! ) . Although the line really wasn 't very long , we still had to wait over half an hour to get in as they only allow 70 people inside the tower at any given time , so you have to wait for dawdlers to leave before you can climb up ( so during peak times , you probably end up waiting for hours ( and the archway leading into the courtyard reeks of poo , so you get the added fun of smelling that ) . No thanks ) . To be honest , I wasn 't all that bothered about waiting , because I knew once I got inside the tower , I was going to have to walk up 366 steps . The only saving grace was that I didn 't have to do it all in one go , as the tower has different floors with displays of bells and things set up where you can leave the staircase and rest for a minute . Still , there was definitely a long stretch where we did about 120 steps in one go , and an even more awkward one when the stairs got really steep where I had to cram myself in a corner , bent almost double to let people by , and they just kept coming , ignoring my obvious discomfort . I mean , I work out and stuff , I 'm still a youngish person ( just ) , and I consider myself to be in reasonably good shape , so it wasn 't really a problem getting to the top , but I was pretty out of breath by then . Upon finally reaching the top , we were rewarded with views of the city ( and Brugge is inarguably a pretty place ) , albeit from behind some wire netting obviously meant to stop people from jumping off the tower ( since the windows were pretty high up , there was no way you were just going to fall out ) , though it was flimsy stuff , so I have to think if you were really determined , it probably wouldn 't stop you . However , what we didn 't realise was that it was by this time 2 o ' clock , and duh , we were in the top of a belfry . What happens every hour in a bell tower ? Yep , deafening bells . Bells that went on for about five minutes right above our heads when we were stuck in a corner with no way out , as everyone had frozen when the bells started ringing . I wanted to put up a video my boyfriend took to really convey how noisy it was , but as I haven 't paid extra for a deluxe WordPress account , and I 'm too lazy to start putting things on YouTube , you 'll just have to use your imagination ( in lieu of a bell video , I 'll put up a picture of my delicious gelato ) . It was loud . I had my fingers stuck in my ears , and it was still loud . If I thought going up was bad , going down was even worse . Narrow steps make me really really nervous , and watching my feet go down a spiral staircase made me dizzy , so I was super paranoid I was going to fall the whole time , and there was only a rope wrapped along the centre pole to hold on to . And an obnoxious child was running down the steps behind me , loudly counting off each one in French , so I had to zip along at a reasonable pace so he didn 't run into me ( because I don 't know if I 'd have been able to resist the temptation to trip him ) . That 's not an experience I want to repeat any time soon . After emerging from Belfort with great relief , I decided to poke my head into an open doorway right next to the exit , and discovered a free gallery . I 'm still not sure what this space is called , or what the featured exhibition was about , as it was mostly in Flemish , but it appeared to be something about communism , or perhaps postwar society in general . All I know is they had some cool stuff in there , even if I can 't tell you exactly what it was . I wouldn 't recommend Belfort for people who are scared of heights ( or falling down staircases , which is my main problem ) or who dislike loud noises ( also me ) , but I guess it is an iconic Brugge building . I honestly still can 't believe I paid to walk up stairs and wait in line , but maybe that 's just me ( and if you get the Brugge City Museum Pass thing , I believe it is included , so that might be worth doing if you 're going to a few museums - I didn 't as I had other things planned elsewhere , as you shall see ) . But the gallery thing was pretty alright , though not worth a special trip . 2 / 5 . I don 't like to play favourites ( actually , I don 't know why I said that , because I totally do ) , but Halloween is probably my most beloved holiday … at least in terms of atmosphere and decor . With that in mind , I do write about a lot of weird / creepy places on here , so I thought I 'd link you to some of them in one central location , in case you 're looking for places to visit in October . Like the content of the blog itself , most of the places are in the UK or Ohio , but there are some options for Continental Europeans as well ! On the subject of jails ( or gaols ) , the Cork County Gaol in Ireland is another cool one . They not only have audio tours on Walkmans ( in the colour of your choosing ! ) but also have wax figures , and re - created cells . The whole building is damp and cold , as if you can still feel the misery of the prisoners held here . Eyam , in Derbyshire , is a village that was completely decimated by the 1665 plague , carried here from London via fleas in a box of cloth . Most of the original plague houses remain , and the village is home to a nice little museum all about the epidemic . It 's also quite near to Bakewell , so you can stop for a seasonally appropriate tea afterwards . The Dr . Guislain Museum in Gent , Belgium , is housed in a still working mental institution . Need I say more ? Well , the extremely excellent museum includes art done by the mentally ill , and horrible torture devices used to " treat " mental patients of yore . A must - see if you 're in Belgium ! I also adore the Royal London Hospital Museum in Whitechapel . I 'm really interested in Joseph Merrick 's life , and the museum is THE place to see his skeleton and some of his possessions . Lots of other medical stuff too , and the museum is free ! If you 're creeped out by dolls , then Pollock 's Toy Museum in London is not the place for you ( unless you 're trying to scare yourself , which I guess is pretty much the point of this whole post , so never mind ) . Split between a Victorian and a Georgian house , which are side by side , Pollock 's involves a journey up narrow , winding staircases to view cases crammed with sad - eyed Victorian toys . Just watch out for the doll room ! Thackray Museum , Leeds : Love the Thackray ! They are the gold standard in authentic smells , and wax figures , and what I 've compared every " street of yesteryear " to since ( most of the other ones have been found lacking ) . Oh yeah , did I mention it 's a medical museum ? Lakeview Cemetery , Cleveland : I couldn 't end this list without including a place from my hometown , and Lakeview is probably my favourite cemetery in the world . Splendid Victorian monuments abound , including Garfield 's tomb ( you can see his and his wife 's coffins in the crypt ) , and the Haserot angel , which is guaranteed to give nightmares to Doctor Who fans . Cleveland 's Little Italy , which is just a street over , grew up around it because so many Italian stonemasons were hired to help build it , which should give you an idea of its size . And that means you can get cavatelli and strawberry cassata cake after your visit . What more excuse do you need ? The Volkskundemuseum is a good fifteen minute walk along the canal from the main tourist area , in a residential part of town , so it 's a little tricky to find without the aid of a map . It is housed within a long row of 17th century cottages along one of the ankle - destroying cobblestone streets so commonplace in Brugge , and is part of the Musea Brugge group , so admission is free if you have a Brugge City Card . Otherwise , it is a reasonable 4 euros . I think the term " folklore museum " is slightly misleading , as when I think of folklore , I picture trolls , or ogres , or Baba Yaga , you know , fairytale stuff , not handicrafts . Folk or Craft Museum would probably be a more apt description of the contents . The collection is divided up into about 20 rooms , each devoted to a different trade . The signs are all in Flemish , but there are free English guidebooks at the front desk that at least give an overview of what 's going on in each room . We found the cat ( he 's called Aristide after Aristide Bruant , singer of Le Chat Noir ) fairly early on , as he kept wandering in and out of the first few rooms , and he permitted a small amount of petting before disappearing for good . The very first room was a schoolroom , and we progressed through trades including cobbler , cooper , and storekeeper . Every room had a waxen tradesman in it , and was set up to resemble the workspace or shop each man would have worked in . In addition , there were a few bonus objects in glass cases , including some religious artefacts , and a shoe collection . We then passed through a courtyard , and re - entered the museum through a working pub , Zwarte Katze ( the Black Cat ) . Well , working in the sense that they sold drinks and food , but no alcohol . As the place was totally deserted when we there , it would have been awkward to stop and demand service . There was a room above the tavern done up like the publican 's family bedroom , with a rather impressive collection of chamberpots . I guess everyone must have had their own . Hygienic that way , at least . Back downstairs , we stepped into the delightful premises of the local candymaker , and his fine collection of candy moulds . Sadly , there was no actual candy for sale , except back at the empty pub . Fortunately , I can do without boiled sweets when scrumptious Belgian chocolate beckons from every other shop back in town ( and those gummi grapefruit slices I 'm quite partial to . I don 't know why they don 't sell them in the UK ) . The candymaker wasn 't the only one of my favourite tradesmen represented , as there was also an apothecary , armed with his splendid jars ( and a comical mustache ) . Finally , the craftspeople were rounded out with a hatter and tailor , the latter of whom was listening to popular songs of the ' 40s on his radio when we walked in . ( I say " listening , " but obviously he was an inanimate wax figure . I 'm not like that weirdo who gets it on with Kim Cattrall in that awful Mannequin film ) . The hallway leading towards the exit featured a sampling of traditional business signs , including an oversized cigar and glasses , and a strange carrot shaped object that I think was also used to advertise a cigar - maker ( or was it a barber ? I didn 't get a picture , and now I can 't remember ) . Anyway , the Volkskundemuseum offered an overview of a good cross - section of traditional Belgian trades ( and mannequins ! ) but didn 't really provide more than something to look at , as the cat was the only interactive thing inside ! I think it was ultimately a better way to pass an afternoon than fighting through crowds at the larger tourist attractions , as we had the place virtually to ourselves , but it would have been nice if it had gone beyond being a mere arrangement of life - size dioramas ( not that there 's anything wrong with that ! ) . 3 / 5 Now , I 'd be remiss in ending this post without mentioning some of the highlights of Brugge , so here we go . As I mentioned at the start , Brugge hosts a massive antiques market on Sundays that encompasses most of the city , and a large park near the train station ( good luck navigating your suitcases through ! ) . Being Belgian , and therefore wonderfully quirky , this is no humdrum antiques market ; instead , it is the finest collection of extraordinary crap I 've ever seen ! Above , we have a head that bears a striking resemblance to Humphrey Bogart hanging out next to a Christ Child and some random paintings . And if there 's another thing that I love that was to be found in even greater abundance than mannequin heads , it was terrible taxidermy . Yes , that is a gun - toting rabbit you see above , surrounded by other furry friends . You have no idea how badly I wanted to buy him , but my boyfriend claimed I wouldn 't allowed to take it through British Customs ( I still have to check on that , because I am hightailing it back to this market to stock up on home decor if EU taxidermy is permissible . So there ! ) Another amazingly strange feature of Belgium is the wide variety of vending machines available , which is kind of perfect for someone who dreads human interaction as much as I do . Below , we have bread and strawberry vending machines . I mean , really , can a country be any more perfect ? And finally , I 'll close this monster post by mentioning the frituur and gelateria that sustained me through much of my stay in Brugge ( ok , actually I ate at them both every day I was there ) . Da Vinci gelato was amazing and creamy , and fairly inexpensive too , as Continental ice cream tends to be ( stupid London prices ) , and ' T Brugsch Friethuys delivered perfect crispy golden brown friten every time , ( much better than the ones from the famous frituur stands in front of the church ) served up by an adorable mustachioed old man , who told us to enjoy them with the sincerity that comes from taking pride in one 's craft . Both are on Geldmuntstraat , which is one of the roads coming off the main Market Square . So really , what are you waiting for ? Get yourself to Brugge ! I mentioned a few posts back that I still had a few places to write about from my Belgium trip , and this is one of them : The National Fisheries Museum . In addition to keeping with my recent seaside theme , this is the second fishing heritage centre I 've visited in the past month . We arrived in Oostdunkerke in the late afternoon on the day of the annual Shrimp Festival , having spent the rest of the afternoon at the Dr . Guislain Museum , and missing the parade as a result ( which is kind of a shame , as I was looking forward to seeing the Shrimp Queen receive her crown ) . Fortunately , the National Fisheries Museum ( Nationaal Visserijmuseum ) was open until 6 , and the giant shrimp statue and fisherman shrubbery in the centre of town weren 't going anywhere either . As far as I can make out , the National Fisheries Museum is based in Oostdunkerke due to their traditional method of shrimp - fishing on horseback , which was once commonly used all over the Belgian coast ( and in England as well ) , but is now only in Oostdunkerke . I was a bit confused as to how this actually worked , since we arrived too late in the day for the demonstrations , but I did find this video ( for anyone else who is curious ) . It appears they drag a net behind the horse , and go much further into the sea than I would have thought , aided by the massive draft horses they use ( at least , I think they 're called draft horses . I 'm no Almanzo Wilder ! ) . At any rate , the Oostdunkerkians are clearly proud of their tradition , which is reflected inside the museum . Exiting through the hobbit - sized door at the rear of the hut took us into the museum proper . There was a specific trail you were meant to follow through the museum , but being me , I ended up going backwards through some of the galleries ( which was fine , it just meant the signage didn 't flow chronologically ) . The galleries were all quite atmospheric , with the first one decked ( ha ! ) out to resemble the seaside , complete with sand , and maritime paintings hung on the walls . The last room on the main floor was dominated by a ship called the Martha ( an unsatisfying name if you ask me ; if I had a boat it would be called something along the lines of the Salty Seaman ) , which was evidently caught in the middle of a storm ( cue neat thunder and lightning effects every few minutes ) . There was a computer set up in one corner where you could tap out a message in Morse code , and email it to your friends ( obviously , being incredibly immature , I sent a message including the words " fart " and " poo " ) . The Morse code thing was in addition to the number of interactive screens throughout the museum , including ones where you could try identifying different types of fish , and another that even offered seafood recipes ( stewed dogfish , anyone ? ) . In addition , there was an impressive display of fisherman 's clogs and other fishing related paraphernalia . Above this gallery was one devoted to the actual eating of fish , with a mock fishmonger 's stall , and some vintage posters used to advertise fish . It 's nice that they included it , because it 's quite easy to get swept away with the dramatic seafaring tales , and forget that the whole point of the fishing industry is catching , you know , food . ( Ironically , I don 't even like fish , and I have an actual phobia of crabs and lobsters and things , so I wouldn 't be caught dead at a seafood restaurant anyway , but that 's another story ) . The final section of the museum was downstairs , and had several large aquariums set up in the middle . This area was clearly aimed at children , but there were only a couple gross crabs to avoid looking at , so I could enjoy it too , for the most part . The shrimp stained glass window was pretty cool , and I even thought the little stingray and crab mascots were cute , at least until I realised that the one was indeed a stingray , and not a kite . ( He does look very much like a kite though , doesn 't he ? ) Despite the focus on crustaceans , and the lack of authentic smells , I think I liked the National Fisheries Museum better than the Time and Tide Museum in Great Yarmouth . The information was well - presented , the museum was devoted to recreating the feeling of being at sea , rather than in a odoriferous processing plant ( which undeniably made it a more pleasant environment ) , it had a better overall flow , and the aquariums were a nice touch . Also , I had a very delicious waffle down by the seaside , which certainly didn 't hurt matters , so 4 / 5 . However , I am irked that I didn 't get to see " Zeerotica , " which I 've only just discovered via their website , especially after reading the description : " It is an invitation to an intimate journey through nature , culture and the daily life of coastal residents , all dipped in a spicy erotic sauce . " We visited the week after this exhibition started , but no one mentioned it to us , unless it was the special exhibition with no English captions that one of the ladies at the desk briefly mentioned . Had she told us the subject matter , there is no way I would have missed it , whether it was in English or not .
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Posted by Zin Kenter on August 12 , 2012 Ernie 's building [ the ark ] is an act of desperation , of communion , of hope , of despair . It worked on many levels for me , which is why so many stories resulted from it . Ernie understands that the town will never be the same after what 's happened , so he 's determined to survive , whether he knows it consciously or not . It 's significant he doesn 't think twice about his ability to build the ark . My favorite line of the book is this one : " Ernie figured that Noah himself was a man of the soil and didn 't know spit about boatbuilding . " Hello I am Zin ! I went to a reading by Monica Wood for her memoir When We Were The Kennedys a few weeks ago ( I wrote about her talk last week ) , and the prologue was lovely so I thought I would read some of her fiction ! I am glad I did ! This collection is a set of closely linked stories set in the same mill town - it is called Abbott Falls and Wood calls it " a composite " of paper mill towns all over the country but it is clearly informed by her experience growing up in the Oxford - Rumford - Mexico area of Maine . It is used in Maine schools especially , because the kids can see how a writer treats a real setting ! On her website there is a picture of an ark students in Scarborough built after they read the story ! There is a whole appendix of wonderful material at the end , including an interview with Bill Roorbach and a guide for reading groups ! She did not plan to write a story collection , just the title story ! She noticed a man walking a teeny - tiny dog , then she realized there were a lot of older men out walking teeny - tiny dogs , all the time , and finally realized they were widowers taking care of the dogs their wives had loved ! And the story came from that single image ! Then the collection came from that single story ! That is quite a lot to get out of noticing one little thing ! She does not write a draft and then edit - " language itself is what leads me through the story " ( I wonder if this is something like the process Ron Carlson used in his book about his Governor 's Ball story . Or maybe I just have Ron Carlson on the brain because my friend Marko Fong recently did a workshop with him ) . Then at the end she might have to throw away some stuff but she uses the language as a map ! She is adamant that this is NOT a novel ! It is not a novel - in - stories , a form she does not really like ! She would hate to have someone buy the book thinking it is a novel ! And I agree , each story has a different sense to it . But they are very closely linked stories , and I am not really sure some of them work alone . The later stories get a lot of their impact from the reader knowing the characters and events from earlier stories ! And some stories just go together ! I think in particular " The Joy Business " and " Take Care Good Boy " require each other , and I am pretty sure for me " That One Autumn " works best when it follows " Ernie 's Ark . " And " The Temperature of Desire " might not be one of my favorites without the background of the preceding stories , but I am not sure , I can not really go back and find out ! It was published in a literary magazine by itself , so someone thought it worked solo ! Ernie was an angry man . He felt his anger as something apart from him , like an urn of water balanced on his head , a precarious weight that affected his gait , the set of his shoulders , his willingness to move through a crowd . He was angry at the melon - faced CEO from New York City who had forced a strike in a paper mill all the way up in Maine - a decision made , Ernie was sure , in that fancy restaurant atop the World Trade Center where Ernie had taken his wife , Marie , for their forty - fifth wedding anniversary last winter , another season , another life . Every Thursday as he stood in line at Manpower Services to wait for his unemployment check he thought of that jelly - assed CEO - Henry John MCCoy , with his parted blond hair - yuucking it up at a table laid out in bleached linen and phony silver , figuring out all the ways he could cut a man off at the knees three weeks before retirement . I think Ernie has good cause to be angry ! On top of the strike which is holding up his pension , probably forever , his wife is dying and is in a hospital 35 miles away ! He sees a newspaper story about an " installation contest " at the college , and builds an ark in his back yard ! A man from the city tells him he is not zoned for an ark ! It is such a charming story ! Yet there is a point to it ! Everything fits : the installation competition , the wife , the city guy . The dog the city man has in his car , I am not so sure , but it fits ok , not quite as perfectly as the rest but well enough . When every thread works together like this , without anything feeling forced or jammed in there because " I need a character who will do this " or " I need to get him from here to there " a story tumbles , as I call it , under its own steam and is a pleasure to read ! I am not a patient man . My daughter is reading poetry , aloud , in the seat next to me , because ( she says ) she has always loved poetry . Her mouth opens and closes over the words - wide , narrow , wide , narrow - which is either the way people read poetry aloud these days or a signal to me that she suspects I might be unfamiliar with words like urticant or sidereal , which I am . My daughter 's abiding love of poetry is one of many facts that I have not ( she says ) managed to apprehend about her character , either because I was never home ( which is true ) or didn 't give a sweet goddamn about the machinations of her inchoate soul . She says . We always say there are two sides to every story , so here comes the other side ! The melon - faced CEO who put the plant on strike has his own problems ! It is a much more internal story , with less of a plot than " Ernie 's Ark " and it seems to me , while this man has troubles , they are of his own making ! Still there are similarities ! He too grew up on a small town , he was not born rich it seems ! His wife left him and later died and he was in Japan at a meeting so could not attend her funeral and the daughter , 26 , has never forgiven him . She sounds more like a petulant , if precocious , 15 - year - old than a 26 - year - old ! She is a brat ! But she has her own story too , I am sure ! And father and daughter , two - by - two , are in a car for almost the whole story , which could be seen as similar to an ark ! In the material at the end of the book ( there is an interview and even a study guide ! ) she says this was the biggest stretch for Wood , writing for a CEO . And maybe that is why , or maybe it is because he is a character it is hard to feel close to , or maybe it is the off note about the daughter , but I did not enjoy it as much as " Ernie 's Ark . " I might have liked to have read it first so I could read it without having Ernie peeking out ! It was published in Confrontation under a different title ( and she does not tell us and Confrontation does not list stories or authors in their archives so I do not know when or what title ) . And then ? They no longer looked back on this season as the autumn when they lost their second child . This season - with its uneven temperatures and propensity for inspiring flight - they recalled instead as that one autumn when those awful people , that terrible pair , broke into the cabin . They exchanged one memory for the other … . This moment became the turning point - this moment and no other - when two long - married people decided to stay married , to succumb to the shape of the rest of their life , to live with things they would not speak of . Marie , the same Marie in " Ernie 's Ark " - his wife - lay dying and thinks back to " That One Autumn " back in the early 70s . It was traumatic for many reasons ! Their son left for Berkeley , and Marie miscarried a surprise pregnancy . She went up to their vacation cabin to be alone , hinting that maybe she was thinking about separation , and finds a girl squatter living there ! The girl is not a nice girl ! She has a switchblade ! Her boyfriend is on the lam from robbing a couple of gas stations and he has gone to get something , for a day and a half , and she is not sure he is coming back , but he does ! And that is too bad , because he ties Marie up ! But he can not kill her ! He tells the girl to kill her and the girl can not kill her either , they are bad kids but not killers ! So they leave Marie tied to a chair , and she waits , knowing that Ernie will come up , he will miss her and will want to follow her even though he is not supposed to , she knows this in a way the girl did not know if her boyfriend was coming back ! And this is the memory that replaces the miscarriage , because even though it was scary , it was also full of love ! The Temperature of Desire This one is amazing , and it covers the whole town just about ! In fact , if I have a criticism it is that it is not very focused , there are many themes . But it is still truly wonderful ! This story was previously published in Orchid , which I think is not in publication any longer . It is told in first person by Dan Little ; he is an electrician at the paper mill and is on strike . But he is also now working part - time as a city code officer so he is the guy from the city who tells Ernie he is not zoned for an ark ! But it turns out he loves the ark ! He also loves his younger brother , Tim . He pretty much raised Tim as father , because their father died right after Tim was born , when Dan was fifteen . So he is confused that Tim has chosen to cross the picket line and work at the plant as a replacement worker : " I taught my little brother how to read a micrometer and sharpen a drill bit , but also how to navigate a library , flip and omelette , tell a clean joke … . It never occurred to me to include in Tim 's instruction the sin of crossing a picket line . " I have never belonged to a union or been caught up in an emotional strike , but I have seen on the news how it can get nasty , and we already have an idea from " At Their Mercy " of how angry people are ! But Tim is only twenty , and has his own agenda . He wants to leave town , go somewhere else , be something else , and he needs money so that is why he crossed the picket line : My brother 's crime was in wanting to get out so badly he 'd step on his brothers ' necks to do it . It had cost him big , but he was willing to pay . That 's how much he didn 't want to end up like me . As much as it hurt me to know this , I couldn 't think of a blessed thing I wanted that bad , and a weird , vague , crushed part of me wished I did . When she gave her reading of When We Were the Kennedys , Wood said that she did not use autobiographical material in her novels and stories , but I think she does a little bit here , at least for the family structure ! I remember her talking about an older sister who took care of her right after her father died and her mother was in a depression , so that is a similar kind of dynamic used for the Little brothers ! It is not identical of course , but I can see the roots of inspiration there ! It is most interesting she chooses the older brother ( or in her case sister ) point of view , as if thanking her sister for all she did , showing that she knows ! The Joy Business This one felt like exposition or a connecting chapter ( and when I read " Take Care Good Boy " I realized it is ! ) . It is third person but with Cindy as the point - of - view character . She is the ex - wife Dan was talking about ! With the flower shop - that is The Joy Business ! She is remarried to Bruce , the sculptor ! Yes , that sculptor ! The one that won the prize that Ernie saw when he got the idea to build his boat ! She is now stepmother to his two children . Bruce is a creep , cheating on her as he did on his first wife with every student he can get his hands on , son Kenny is the typical too - good - for - this teen , and Francine is the daughter who clings to Cindy and is the reason she will not leave Bruce but demands he stop being such a jerk ! But the story just kind of shows us who the characters are , it does not really go anywhere ! This refers extensively back to " That One Autumn " and I found it quite disappointing - I am so sad to say that ! Marie has just died , and the girl from the cabin shows up on the day of her funeral to apologize but does not know she has died . I am very willing to go where a story wants to lead but this was just stretching credulity a little too much ! We also meet the son , James , who had just gone off to Berkeley when the incident happened , in fact it starts with him in California , and his ex - wife , coming to the funeral . There are some intense interactions of course , but James felt two - dimensional , and even Ernie did not feel like the man who built the ark in his back yard ! I was almost angry because as a follow - up to those two stories I almost felt like this almost ruined them retroactively ! I would rather have enjoyed the pleasant afterglow of the previous stories rather than this continuation of events ! But it is ok , because if you just keep reading you find out why this story is here in the collection ! It is not one of the " stars " but it has an important supporting role ! Now he saw this place as an apology . Money had changed hands , his mother had fled , and Ellery was the kind of man who would have felt sorry for the good boy left behind . And if he 'd known about the good girl , the four - year - old birl his mother hadn 't mentioned ? Something twisted inside him , a physical hurt which he took for the spiritual waking he had so wished for . If this place was an appology , then Francine deserved it , too . Did you know that when Thoreau did his little wilderness visit , his mother and sister supplied most of his meals and did his laundry ? And he mooched off Emerson and his wife for his other meals ! So the myth of self - reliance is a bit overblown ! Kenny Love , the main character of this story , is the son of sculptor Bruce and stepmother Cindy , as we were introduced in " The Joy Business . " Maybe that is why that story did not go anywhere , it was exposition for this story ! I do wish they were combined , because together in a longer story , maybe a novella . At first this story seems to be skimming the surface , but once it settles in , it turns into something really special ! Kenny finished high school a semester early ( which seems to me a little like some plot convenience rather than anything organic to the story , I am afraid , but it is not glaring ) and was going to go to Harvard the following Fall , but he finds out he has been bequeathed a cabin ( another cabin ! Another ark ? ) by a relative he only met once , a great - uncle , from his mother . He decides to play Thoreau though his father is enraged , and tells him he must fulfill his " obligation to Harvard " and that he is more of a math guy than a nature freak ! And his sister makes fun of him and tells him about Thoreau and the women that made Walden Pond possible ! And at first it seems they are right , he does not really know what he is doing , but he finds some old calendars his great - uncle kept , with a lot of notations about nature and other things - like for his one visit at age eight there was a note that he was a " good boy " , but no indication why the man thought that ! He finds a diner within walking distance and becomes friendly with the waitress , a friend of his great - uncle ! Then … well , I do not want to tell you everything , but he really does grow up , he discovers some family truths , and it is quite nice how it happens ! He outstrips his parents in maturity and character ! At the end I had the feeling he has now outgrown his self - absorbed teenager self and is reaFrancine grasps all this , fleetingly , in the grayish privacy of her own head , where she works out the problem of family as if it were algebra , coming up with formulas that work cleanly , both sides equal . But in practice the formulas don 't hold , they never hold , they crumble into pieces so fine they can 't be put back . Another terrific story ! It reminds me a lot of " Rothko Eggs " because it is a teenage girl trying to figure out a very confusing world ! In " Rothko " , art is the lens through which the character sees the world , and here , it is a speech by Jesse Jackson ! I liked this girl very much ! I was very interested in her and her discoveries ; I am not completely sure I would be so invested if I had not read the material leading up to this , however ! Not the parts about the Love family , but the parts about the mill workers and the strike . But I can not know for sure ! Francine is the daughter of Bruce and Cindy Love from " The Joy Business " and the younger sister of Kenny from " Take Care , Good Boy . " She is 13 and goes with her father to the college one Saturday to find material about Jesse Jackson ( he is coming to the mill to speak in a few days ) , she finds out another secret instead ! All this time , the town is still on strike , and she feels like an oustider because her family has no connection to the mill . The teacher gives her an A on her report and praises her , but then when it comes time to pick a student to greet Jesse Jackson , the son of the union president is picked by the class ! Francine has probably not read Animal Farm yet , but she is discovering that even among the downtrodden some people are more equal than others : Not everybody has suffered equally . At first everybody was equally angry , their anger a straight , perfectly directed line , like an electrical current … . Their anger is no longer perfect . It is less an electrical current than a lightning bolt , jagged and hard to control and not as fussy about its target … . Solidarity forever , solidarity forever , they have sung many times , standing on this hallowed floor : The union makes us stronnng ! Francine loves that song , she hums it all the time . But solidarity is not a floor , she has found . It is a ladder . People end up on different rungs . Just before Jesse Jackson arrives to address the union , word comes that the company is selling the mill ! This is terrible news ! They are just out of work now ! There is no more strike but no more work either ! They may never get what they were owed ! And while Francine is trying to figure this out , she returns home with knowledge of the secret about her father she discovered at the college , and learns one more new thing : " that she , Francine Love , is a person about whom it is possible to have inside knowledge . That her father is the one who possesses it . " This is an excellent closing story ! It ties some of the characters together and fills in some information that gives the reader an idea of where things will go from here ! And it closes with the ark , where it opened , and I like closing circles very much ! Francine Love , the girl from " Solidarity is Not A Floor , " has sold Ernie a winning ticket for dance lessons , but he does not want to go ! He has no one to go with ! So she goes with him ! The dance class turns out to be tap dancing which is where the title comes from , but it fits perfectly in the overall storyline of the collection : things change ! We change our gait to match , then go on ! We tap dance through the difficulties and the fun stuff too , just to keep our footing ! And the son James , from " Visitors , " comes to visit Ernie ! And though that story was not one I particularly liked , it now fits and fills in this story , the whole flow of the collection ! So yes it is excellent structure for the collection overall , and it is also a lovely story ! It reminds me a little bit of the very end of The Financial Lives of the Poets - or I should say the other way around since this collection came years before the novel ! The story ends with Ernie and his son working on the ark - two by two - like " Poets " ends with the family working on the treeless tree house ! Something about building things , a concrete sign of rebuilding a life and starting over ! It is a wonderful story and left me very happy ! Overall : Some collections , you can read the stories out of order . Maybe there is a story you have heard of , or , or one someone recommended to you . But here , the stories are in chronological order , so there is a progression in time ! It does need to be read consecutively , from beginning to end ! And that means the less - interesting stories can not be skipped ; do not worry , they enrich what is to come ! One of the themes that is emphasized in the " Questions for reading groups " part of the end material is the ark itself , how it is viewed by people , how that view changes , how the symbolism works in each story even when it is not mentioned ! Sometimes it is about safety during times of trouble - the original Ark was intended to keep Noah et al safe from the Flood , and the strike is like the Flood ! But there is also the idea of two - by - two which is there at the start and comes to full fruition with the last story ! It is very effective ! I am very happy I read this book and I happily recommend it ! Advertisements Share this : ShareClick to print ( Opens in new window ) Click to share on Google + ( Opens in new window ) Click to share on Pinterest ( Opens in new window ) Click to email ( Opens in new window ) Click to share on Twitter ( Opens in new window ) Share on Facebook ( Opens in new window ) Click to share on Tumblr ( Opens in new window ) Click to share on LinkedIn ( Opens in new window ) Click to share on Reddit ( Opens in new window ) Like this : Like Loading . . . This entry was posted in Story Collections , Sunday with Zin , What I 've been Reading , Writing / Reading , Zin and tagged Monica Wood . Bookmark the permalink . Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! 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Wendy And Lucy director Kelly Reichardt has been criss - crossing the country by car since she was a child . But as she told The A . V . Club , what was once a pleasure has become a chore . That skepticism about what the country has become , not to mention serious opposition to the military intervention in Iraq , fuels her fourth film , Meek 's Cutoff , which in true pioneer fashion is moving around the country through May . Loosely inspired by an infamous episode in the history of the Oregon Trail , the movie re - teams Reichardt with her Wendy And Lucy star , Michelle Williams , and it stars Bruce Greenwood , almost unrecognizable behind his Buffalo Bill haircut and thick Southern drawl , as Stephen Meek , a cocksure cowboy who steers three families towards what he insists will be a shortcut through the Oregon desert . Instead , they become lost in an intractable , barren land , running low on sustenance and with no idea which way to turn . Meek 's Cutoff screenwriter Jon Raymond surveys the territory of his Portland home in his novel The Half - Life and his short - story collection Livability , but he 's better known for his partnership with Reichardt : He scripted her features Old Joy and Wendy And Lucy before this latest project . After entering the business as Todd Haynes ' assistant on Far From Heaven , where he was billed as " Slats Grobnik , " Raymond devoted himself to writing and other pursuits until he got a call from Reichardt , responding positively to his novel and wondering if he had any short stories she might adapt . On Wendy And Lucy , they worked in parallel , devising the story together and then spinning it into both a short story and the film . Meek 's Cutoff is the first film Raymond presented to Reichardt as a finished screenplay , and it represents a turn toward historical resonance and away from the lyrical , character - driven movies that preceded it . Character takes center stage in Raymond 's other current project , Mildred Pierce , the five - part miniseries he co - wrote with Haynes . Adapted from the novel by James M . Cain , a longtime favorite of Raymond 's , the series was also a pronounced change of pace for Haynes , his first film to embrace the grammar of the traditional filmmaking techniques he has often worked to subvert . Reichardt and Raymond recently spoke separately to The A . V . Club about Meek 's Cutoff , their partnership together , and Haynes ' input into their work . The A . V . Club : This is the third movie you 've done with Jon Raymond . How has your relationship changed over these three films ? Kelly Reichardt : We 're sick of each other . Is that what you 're looking for ? [ Laughs . ] So just how our relationship has changed over time ? KR : I 'm just sick of carrying his water , you know . [ Laughs . ] No , it does continue to be fruitful . It has also been the same producers for the last three films , and some of the crew has been the same , so for me , I 'm always working with people who I 've already worked with . Jon and I speak every day , so we 're really involved in each other 's lives . You 're not starting a conversation from nowhere , from nothing . It has been really different every time . The joy was that we really didn 't know each other , and I wrote him and asked him to send me that story [ for Old Joy ] , and I did the script . Wendy And Lucy , he was writing the short story [ " Train Choir " ] and I was working on the script . But still , the voices and the tone and the core thing , the idea and the concept and the story , is Jon . I had the script and he had the short story , so I could have my way if I wanted . And I could approach the story from a really fresh place of like , " Okay , this is where a scene starts , " or if we had agreed on something , I could add what I wanted and keep his story intact . And then he selfishly , selfishly , went directly to the script on Meek . He was still working on his second novel , and he wanted me to be something outside of that . Having someone already giving me the ideas of where a scene starts , that was an adjustment for me . But also , he gets very wrapped up in the filmmaking process , and I get very wrapped up in the writing process . Once I started scouting , I could just take the script and structure it the way I needed it for the space I was in . If time allows , it 's nice to be able to call Jon , who is outside all of that , and ask a question to someone who is not caught up in the fray of production . I do feel like his writing is really suited for my filmmaking , in that we are both interested in landscape and atmospheric elements , and don 't necessarily plant the weight of everything in dialogue . Also , I think he writes really good dialogue . AVC : Landscape plays a huge role in Meek 's Cutoff . But filming in theAVC : There 's a point in the story where you need a rise in the landscape , so it 's a surprise when you see what 's on the other side . KR : There are all sorts of things . It was just maddening . And also just chasing the water . There was a point when Todd Haynes read the script - we didn 't have a river crossing at that point - and Todd was like , " You have to show water at some point in the film . " I happened to be reading about river crossings at the time , and just the mechanics of how they did it was intriguing . So that got put into the script . But finding a body of water out there , I mean , we would find one , and three weeks later , it would be gone . They were huge bodies of water , and it was just unfathomable that they would just disappear . So the water kept getting farther and farther away , and the river crossing got pushed to the end because we had to keep scouting while we were shooting , because all of our water spots were gone . KR : For me , the constant slowness … I don 't watch a ton of American film , so my sense of timing , I guess , is different . But time was a completely different thing , and nothing was immediate . Everything took effort and had some procedure that you had to go to . Like even putting your shoes on . KR : Yeah , and seriously , like putting your shoes on - they had like a million laces . Nothing is quick . In Westerns , everything is quick and highlighted . So we really wanted to play with that . Dave Doernberg , my production designer , and Vicki Farrell , the costume designer , we all got really into the research of the tools . And the actors got trained on that stuff , too , like what you would put in your wagon . I mean , if your wagon wheel breaks , you have to stop and carve a new wheel . So that really does have to be part of it . I 'm taken aback by the comment that it 's slow , but then I guess if I go to a new film and sit through the trailers , I feel a little bombarded by the instant everything … I guess everybody 's clock works differently . Paul and Zoe were saying that the strangest thing for them was after walking across that desert for a month , to get in a plane and fly across that area in a minute . It was kind of striking . When I was still traveling with Wendy And Lucy , I was reading all those journals from people who made the journey west , and you read what they are going through , and then there 's an announcement that your plane is 10 minutes late or something , and everyone is like [ Moans . ] " Oh God , " you know , myself included . It 's not that long ago , but our sense of time has changed so dramatically . Our expectations about time in cinema in the U . S . , I don 't know where it goes from here . AVC : With Wendy And Lucy , you talked a lot about the time you 've spent driving around America . You can look at both Wendy And Lucy and Meek 's Cutoff as road movies , but in a cautionary sense . There 's a real skepticism and a sense of the danger involved in traveling distances with no place to live . Where does that come from for you ? KR : My first film , River Of Grass , is also like that , a road movie . They aren 't able to work their way out of town , actually . It 's a theme that started at the beginning , and I look back , and I guess it 's just a good setup for different kinds of searching : question - asking , looking for the next place to go , what are you looking for , what are you leaving . All those things are good for grounding it in getting from point A to point B . KR : Ever since I was a kid , we had one of those piggyback campers where you could ride up in the bed ; I don 't think you can do that anymore . We would go from Miami to Montana pretty much every summer and take a different route out west . I 'd be in that bed looking out the window , and there was just a huge feeling as each state changed , and I had my little transistor up there and got local radio , and every place was just so distinct . We would camp our way across the country . And as it 's turned out , I continued doing that . In my 20s , I used to get those rent - a - cars and drive to the next state and wait for the next car , and that decides where you 're going to go . In these last years , I 've been going back and forth between Oregon and New York , and the drive is now just something to get through . The interstates are horrific , there are no local radio channels . It 's Clear Channel , conservative corporate radio , all the way across . It 's just a series of chains , and they never end . Days Inn , Applebee 's - you really have to go far off . Even when you take the smaller roads , you still see the motels and stuff have all been run out of business . The gap between the big corporate motel and the mom - and - pop motel is huge now . It 's not exciting . It 's not an adventure now . It 's really just more of a chore . Once you get past Colorado , there are states that are very beautiful to drive through . But you can 't help it - you have a lot of time to think about what it could have been , how great it could have been , and it 's just depression , I guess . The things that Americans value , and it has been passed on to people outside of America now … So much feels lost . It 's hard . It used to be a really inspiring thing that I would do , and now I find it just really depressing . The complete corporate takeover of the country is so evident , and you can 't escape it . Your choices are so few , and they are so bad . I was just showing Playtime , a Jacques Tati film , last week and the American tourist walks through the airport and she says , " Anywhere I go I feel exactly at home . " Wonderful . AVC : Old Joy and Wendy And Lucy are intimate character pieces , and this is more of an ensemble piece . You use close - ups sparingly , for one thing . How did that change the process ? KR : The idea of how I was approaching it in the beginning , especially with the bonnets and the men 's hats , your first impressions would be of " the pioneers " or " the immigrants . " Even as we were making the film , we kept having to ask the reenactment guys , or the wagon guys , " How would you get a wagon down the hill ? " and they would just say , " Well , how would you do it ? " You have to remember that it 's just people out there . If you got a flat tire in the desert , what would you do ? Approaching everything like that was really super interesting . There were so many things about the production itself that mirrored those ideas . Just the idea of the immigrants slowly revealing themselves as individuals with their own set of ideas about how to do things . In the production , because we were dealing with period wagons and oxen and landscape , all of those things , the clothes that they had to wear - Michelle [ Williams ] said on the second day of shooting , she was like " Wow , this is not Wendy And Lucy , " where we were just in constant communication with each other . And I was like " No , it 's not , it 's definitely not , " and she got it . As it was on the trail , because the men had separate chores , people 's journals showed how alienating it was between husbands and wives , how the friendships really formed were with the other women on the trail . For myself , I did have less time to be with the actors . Since there was so much other stuff going on , they had to rely on each other a lot . There were so many practical things , we didn 't have the money to give the people a lot of comfort , and I would make the argument that that is all on the screen . That is easier to sell in the first week than in the last week . You ask yourself if you are someone who would have made the journey or someone who would have stayed back and watched them go , and I became pretty convinced that most of my cast and crew would have made the journey . The A . V . Club : It was interesting to see that there was a real Meek Cutoff . I was curious how you came upon that story and what about it seemed like a movie you could do . Jon Raymond : It 's kind of a funny story where I came across it . Back in 2006 or 2007 , during the housing boom , there was a kind of gigantic building bubble that happened in Bend , Oregon , which is just over in eastern Oregon . It seemed to be decided by capital itself it that was going to become the new Aspen of the world or something . So they were hiring branding firms in Portland to like , name their properties and give them this instant patina of heritage . That was a freelance job that I ended up getting , to name a golf course they were building up there . I ended up doing some research into local history as a way of drumming up names , and I came across the Meek Cutoff story , which , as it turns out , is one of the more infamous episodes of the early Oregon Trail . I hadn 't heard of it before , but it 's actually quite a well - known debacle . I was just fascinated by the idea of it ; it definitely rang some bells at the time . The debate amongst the pioneers , when they got lost in the huge Oregon desert , was whether Stephen Meek , their leader , was stupid or evil . There was this certain Bush - era resonance for me . Although I feel like it was more of a perennial political question of leadership and community decision - making and everything . It offered a really nice pared - down situation to explore some of those issues , like a very clean template to some of that . JR : Yes . To say it 's based on true events is maybe a bit of an exaggeration . I would say it 's " inspired by , " at best . Meek himself , by most accounts , was that kind of a Western frontiersman . What I found especially interesting about Meek , though , is that he 's the younger brother of a much more famous mountain man . Meek himself is kind of a second - tier mountain man . Joe Meek , his brother , was one of the really legendary mountain men , one of the founders of the Rocky Mountain Fur Company , pals with Kit Carson and some of the other borderline - mythological kind of guys . Joe Meek then ends up becoming the first provisional governor of the Oregon territory in his retirement . But Stephen Meek never quite measured up to that , and is known almost solely for this mistake that he made . I just loved the idea that he sort of lived in the shadow of the legend . JR : [ Laughs . ] Yeah , exactly . Obviously budgetary constraints were a part of that , but in a way , I think it was better . It created a starker kind of drama with that number and allowed the actors to do their work . AVC : You and Kelly Reichardt have worked together twice before , but this is the first time you 've presented her with a completed script . There are so many scenes without dialogue ; it 's something like five minutes before the first meaningful conversation . Did you just leave places in the script for Kelly to fill in the blanks ? JR : There was definitely some dialogue that didn 't make it into the final thing , particularly toward the beginning . There 's never tons of dialogue , but yeah , I 'm able to comprehend some of Kelly 's rhythms at this point , write in some of those silences knowing that she 'll dilate them as she wants to . Part of it is creating opportunities for her to create her selective images . But this was always built to be that kind of thing , a slow and meditative experience , and it got even more so in the making than I might have imagined , which is an interesting thing . I mean , Kelly takes things farther than I would expect . AVC : The character of The Indian is a tricky one . You don 't want to explain things beyond what the white characters would know , but there 's also a risk of alienating the audience from a character they can 't understand . JR : Right . I think it is a fine line . It was something we were very conscientious of . For myself , the movie ends up being in many ways about racism and racist projections on kind of a cipher . It 's a fine line to depict that and indulge in it in some way . I think that was something I was trying to navigate that in the writing and I know Kelly was trying to navigate in the directing , how to create a kind of screen for those kind of projections without also dehumanizing a person . Hopefully we were able to do that in some way , and if we did , it was helped massively by Rod Rondeaux , the actor , who just brought such an incredible presence to it . I 've been surprised by how little note people have taken with him . Yeah , you can 't understand exactly what he 's saying , but I find the performance to be just really compelling and interesting . AVC : I realized the second time through that although Meek makes an assumption about where the Indian has come from , we don 't even know what tribe he is . The character was written to be a Cayuse Indian . They 're not precisely in Cayuse country . Cayuse country is a fair piece north of where they are . I like the idea that the Indian in a sense was a wanderer of the area as well . The Cayuse were horse people . They were a big horse tribe and they did slave - getting runs down through this area , like , they would go and enslave Modocs farther down south and bring them back up . So in my mind , the backstory is he got separated from some slaving trip . As it turns out , there are only like three speaking Cayuse left in the world , so the language he 's speaking is known as Nez Perce , from an adjacent tribe , which is not impossible because even at this time the Cayuse were already being decimated by disease and being absorbed into the Nez Perce tribe . There are at least AVC : You could write subtitles for his final scene that would radically change the way the ending plays . JR : I think it 's really important that the audience not understand what he was saying . God knows , maybe they mistranslated it and he was just giving orders at Burger King . But keeping the audience in that position of not knowing was just really one of the goals , and the whole ending really depends on just not knowing what his program is . JR : No , no . It 's not amazing dialogue . I always knew it wasn 't really going to be known , so it isn 't anything that incredible . For the tribal people , they sort of teased me , like I think it was a little overly spiritual for them . But they didn 't care . JR : That was what initially excited me about the book . I had read the other big ones , you know , Double Indemnity and The Postman Always Rings Twice , and had enjoyed them very much . But when I read Mildred Pierce it was like , " Wow this is not hard - boiled at all . " It was just the portrait of a woman , but done in a way that was so fresh . The language of the book , it was not terse , it was not hard - bitten the way that some of this other stuff was . It was a different experience and it turned me on . It was just one those books that you feel like people should read , and I was one of those people . I never gave it to [ Todd ] because I knew he was going to want to make a movie out of it though . JR : There were initial conversations on a macro level just trying to figure out how long it needed to be . We both had a very similar intuition that it would be around five hours . We went through and figured out the breaks , where the different possible end points would be . Then we divided it up and started passing them back and forth . We were helped a lot by digital screenwriting technology at that point , because we could just pass them back and forth and comprehend what the edits had been . It was a really lovely process . I think it helps that Todd and I have known each other for a while and we have a conversation and a rapport between us . We were able to start on a nice , friendly level . It was just a genuine , collaborative writing process . The fact that this was an adaptation made it also particularly easy because we were inheriting these situations and characters . There is a lot of basic problem - solving on a certain level , although we did have to imagine some significant passages to make the whole think time out properly and to make it work . But it was nice that we had the pieces already . AVC : Your novels and short fiction as well as the movies you 've done with Kelly are very rooted in a sense of place , particularly Portland , where you live . Kelly tells the story of driving all around the country trying to figure out where to shoot Wendy And Lucy and ending up in the parking lot you originally wrote about , which you can see from your house . What was it like to work on something set in Los Angeles ? JR : The geography and the birth of where it comes from do a lot to help with figuring out what stories you want to tell . Thankfully the story was there . But I do wonder that : given the chance to write something that was not dictated by the place , I honestly don 't know what I would do . With Mildred Pierce , the ground was made by him . And Todd has a real connection with L . A . because he grew up there , so he had a real feel for the place of it . JR : Yes , yes , that 's one of the most exciting things for us . Cain was really precise about the work routine and the material viewing of stuff . For myself and Todd , that was a really exciting prospect . I find it interesting to watching people work . There is just something strangely gripping about it . There is a bar franchise in Portland that has been taking out firehouses and schoolhouses and turning them into brew pubs , and one of my friends was like , " You know what they should do ? They should put a brew pub in an actually functioning school or office . " I would love to go to a bar where you just got to watch people work in their offices . That would be delightful . So we were really conscientious that there was room for all the restaurant orchestration stuff . JR : Todd is a real purist . To do something with Todd takes a full seminar . He has really elaborate and long - standing views about melodrama , and I think the appeal for this was in how it both satisfies and diverges from traditional melodrama . It is distinctly a melodrama , but it 's rare to find a melodrama where the two protagonists are a mother and daughter . And it 's also rare to find a melodrama where a woman character has a life outside the home and a work life . In some ways it was very classic , but it also posed an interesting wrinkle for Todd as far as his own models of melodrama . I don 't know exactly why Todd invited me to help on this whole thing . I think it was just out of the fact that I handed it to him . Certainly I didn 't bring any great knowledge of or zeal for the melodrama . Although I guess being around Todd for a decade , I guess I have absorbed some of that stuff . I worked on Far From Heaven as his assistant and I 've watched movies with him . So I guess I was up on his model just because of osmosis . But it 's not like I had too much to add . [ Laughs . ]
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The last few months have been rough . Really rough . The kind of rough you know you 'll look back on someday and think , well , that was shitty , but at least I survived . I 'm still waiting to survive . Without going into too much detail , I 'll say this : it 's getting better . And there are two key things that happened to make it that way . Number one , I 'm teaching myself that work can 't be your whole life because when something goes wrong with work and it 's all you have then your world gets devastated , with no hope but a slow crawl of a recovery . Number two , Roller Derby . Those of you who are facebook friends with me might know that I 'm a smidge obsessed with this all - contact sport , and it 's true . I 'm completely obsessed . It 's like oxygen . Getting on a track with 20 other women and having them beat the snot out of me is the best part of my week . Whenever I tell people that this is my new pastime I get one of two responses ( usually drawn directly down gender lines , unless I am telling a relative , then it 's all option one ) , the majority of women look at me like I 'm absolutely insane and ask why on earth I would want to do something like that and don 't I worry about getting hurt . Men usually have a reaction somewhat akin to cartoons when Jessica Rabbit walks by , eyes pop out of head , tongues hang out of mouths , and they want to come watch . Any derby girl knows , the most annoying , yet most asked question is ' do you worry about getting hurt ? ' The answer is : of course . That 's definitely a concern , but most of my time on the track is spent learning how not to hurt myself or others . Sure , I could get knocked into the rail and crack a rib , or go face first into someone 's skate and break my nose . I could break my tailbone or collarbone , tear my ACL , and I already can 't rest too much weight on my left wrist . But the truth of it is , these are all risks I 'm willing to take . I wear my bruises with pride , I relish the swollen pinky I 'm currently sporting and I did learn the hard way not to wear glasses to practice last week . So why I am willing to take these seemingly insane risks ? Because I haven 't felt this way about anything since I was 14 and found punk rock . It 's been 12 years since I felt this much at home in my body , in my mind , in everything . When I discovered the punk scene I felt like I had come home . Then , about 4 years later , it all changed . Police were breaking up our punk shows and the bands we admired were playing sold out arenas instead of the little clubs we were used to seeing them in . On the other hand , I have always been athletic and played sports throughout my childhood . What I really realized around the time I found punk , was that I couldn 't fucking stand the people who played sports . Those girls were mean . I was always the tallest girl on the basketball court , soccer field , or swim team ( and when I say tallest , I mean by like 4 or 5 inches ) . I was always the biggest girl on every team I played for , and no one got that the fat girl could be athletic . That I may not be able to run as long as they could , but come game time I could match every single skill and was harder to see around . The second I set foot into the Doll Factory on a cold day in December to watch my first Roller Derby bout , I knew my life had changed . There was something about watching those women up there in booty shorts and fishnet tights , slamming each other into rails , skating backwards with the grace of a figure skater , and sliding for what seemed like miles on their knees before springing up and jumping back in the fray , that just lit me on fire . I had to do it . I won 't lie , it took me about four months to finally get up the courage to even try . One night Steve and I were at a bout and one of the girls not playing that night came up to us to sell us some raffle tickets . I always buy raffle tickets because I like to support the things I love and the girl asked me if it was my first time there . I said no , that I come all the time . It 's my favorite night out in Los Angeles , and then she looked me up and down and asked if I had ever considered trying out . Steve , like a cartoon behind me , started shouting , " yes , yes she should try out . " And then I did . I showed up to my first class in a pair of shitty plastic skates , scared out of my mind . I had no idea what to expect : the website said that the first week of class we would be working on stopping and falling . This , of course , brought up terrifying thoughts of girls hurling themselves at us as we learned how to face - plant without breaking any bones . But , as it turned out , the classes were like any other work out classes . We showed up and introduced ourselves ( one small difference , instead of the teacher having a normal name , our teacher proudly introduced herself as Axles of Evil , but you can call her Axles ) . We then commenced learning how to stop without a toe stop , a maneuver that made my leg feel as though it was going to be ripped off at the thigh . Throughout the course of the next eight weeks I picked up a second class every week , taught by a woman by the name of Puncherello , but you can call her Punchy . And week after week , minute after minute as I slammed down onto the track only to pop back up again and keep doing whatever it was I was doing before slamming down onto the track again , and on and on until our hour was done . I quickly realized the answer as to why girls keep doing this even after major injuries , there 's nothing else like it . It 's a little hard to describe how great it feels to hit the ground as hard as you do only to pop up again . It 's not so much the bruising ( though that is a source of pride ) or the fact that you get knocked down approximately 4 , 000 times an hour , it the fact that no matter how many times you fall , no matter how much that last one is stinging your thigh , you get back up again . There is an amazing amount of strength and pride that this simple act provides . And then there 's the army of women that are just as tough as you , just as dedicated as you , who are probably better than you , but would never ever say it . They are the real reason to be a part of roller derby . Because every time you do something you couldn 't do before , there are people clapping their wrist guards together cheering you on . Every time you fall , there 's someone who knows you can pop back up … . and if you can 't , there 's someone to take you to the doctor and get you drunk afterward . There 's a reason to live and breathe derby , there 's a reason there are terms such as derby wife and derby widow / widower , it 's because once you 've experienced this family , you 're hooked , you 're done looking . When I was a teenager my life revolved around music . There were very few activities I participated in that didn 't have something to do with music . I woke up every morning at 5 : 45 am ( after staying up until the wee hours trying to finish my homework ) to go to Jazz Band . I talked about music with my friends , my fashion exuded music and immediately told everyone who saw me exactly what kind of music I listened to ( punk , for those who didn 't know me back then ) . My last class of the day was music oriented ( either band or the spring musical , depending on the day and time of year ) . During the spring time , when working on the musical , I would be at school until 10 : 00 pm working on the music . Even when I wasn 't at school , I would rehearse with the band I played bass in ( named Stalin 's War in the way that only disaffected youth can name a band ) , often until the 7 : 00 pm cut - off , when the neighbors would start complaining about the raucous music coming from our guitar player 's garage . I listened to music constantly . In the car , it blasted out of the speakers I blew out multiple times . At home it blasted out of my parents stereo , whose speakers I also blew out . And in all other instances I had a discman ( seems like an 8 - track player now ) and a small collection of cds to choose from . It 's no surprise that one of my favorite places in Santa Cruz was Streetlight Records . I spent hours browsing through cds that I had browsed through hundreds of times hoping to find some gem that I had previously overlooked . My Marie Callender 's pay check often was deposited directly to Streetlight and its seemingly endless possibilities . I won 't lie , when I was a senior in high school ( and pretty much done with my high school and Santa Cruz in general ) I would ditch class with a friend or two and drive to Fremont only to hop a Bart Train to Berkeley and loose myself on the corner of Telegraph Ave . where Rasputin and Amoeba face off . Those were days of endless joy . Lunch at Blake 's , dips in to Cody 's books ( may it Rest in Peace ) , and hours finding all the cds I couldn 't find at Streetlight . There were even times when I made my mother drive me to San Jose ( blech ) to the mega - Streetlight on Bascom where I would find yet another Sid Vicious poster for my perfectly crafted walls ( seriously , I just needed to cover that damn choo - choo - train wallpaper ) . Needless to say , as restless and agitated as I was at the tender ages of about 13 - 20 , music provided the solace that I sought . Actually , one of the deciding factors of my move to Los Angeles was the fact that the behemoth Amoeba mothership store opened on the corner of Hollywood and Cahuenga , a place that I still visit on at least a weekly basis , if not more . I absolutely can 't stand shopping for music online , mainly because there is no hope of finding a hidden gem as there is in a great record store . Also , and this is what I love about Amoeba , there is no hope of finding the great bargains . I once bought 19 cds for $ 95 . I know in my generation of mp3s and iPods ( don 't get me wrong , I love my iPod ) , I am an anomaly that still buys cds . Though , I really don 't believe that I 'm an anomaly , as Amoeba is still around and seems to be doing great business ( if the constantly full parking lot is any indicator ) . All that being said , I do also happen to work at an independent book store , which , like independent record stores , are a dying breed , due in large part to innovations like amazon . com . Now , I actually like Amazon . I use it on an almost daily basis as a research tool and I occasionally order from it ( though I usually go through powells . com for books I want and head down to amoeba for music and movies ) . My love of record stores was sealed in high school , in the hallowed walls of Streetlight , the plastic cd cases clacking loudly against each other as people browsed through the endless possibilities of music , but my love of book stores was truly solidified in London . Sure , I love Book Shop Santa Cruz , and have some great memories of sitting in corners of the store ( and the tent ) as my mom read me Ferdinand the Bull on the floor . But in London I learned the calming effect of a book store . Whenever I felt homesick or morose ( due usually to the weather ) I would pop in to a Waterstone 's and spend an hour running my fingers over the possibilities of all the different worlds I could suddenly be transported to if I opened any one of these books on the shelf . I usually succumbed to the 3 for the price of 2 deals and left with a small bag of possibilities and a lighter heart . Last week I went down to San Diego for the day to visit a friend of mine ( sorry I didn 't stop by AJ and Steph , you were still at work by the time I left ) , and was on the prowl for a cd by Ryan Bingham ( i . e . the guy who just won a Golden Globe for best song from Crazy Heart ) . I , as I am a modern gal , googled record stores in San Diego on my phone and came up surprisingly short . It was shocking really . My friend and I drove all over the place looking for record stores that sold actual CDs and not just old expensive vinyl ( not that I don 't love vinyl , I just wanted this one CD ) . I guess what made me really sad was the fact that one of California 's largest cities didn 't have a record store . Ryan Bingham isn 't the kind of guy you can find at Border 's ( not that I shop there ) and there were a few little stores that just didn 't have the room to carry everything ( though they were very nice and offered to order the CD for me ) . For the first time in my life I was aware of the fact that I was in a place that didn 't have a music store . And then it hit me , the detriment that these big box chain stores have wrought on American life . Now , I 'm not about to go off on some rant about how fucked up corporate America is , but I will say that I felt this heavy sense of tragedy as I walked away empty handed . I think we 've lost that feeling of non - hegemony , of finding these little treasures in the veritable sea of sameness . And for me , that 's why I work where I work for the little money I make . Maybe I 'm helping some kid find solace by pointing them toward " Youth in Revolt " or " The Perks of Being a Wallflower . " Maybe I 'm helping in the same way some nameless salesperson at Amoeba helped me when they showed me The Sex Pistols or A . F . I . When the guy at the comic book store handed me a copy of Watchmen and Superman : Red Son . The way a professor did when he handed me Maus . The way another professor did when he sat and watched Darkwing Duck with me on a weekday afternoon . And I 'm hoping seriously that we haven 't lost that . So I just want to apologize for being so long between emails . If you can 't tell , I 've been rather busy lately . But there are just too many things brewing in my head right now to not take the time to send out one of these emails I know you all love . So seeing as it 's nearly time for the Golden Globes ( and thus my favorite time of year : award show season ) I thought I 'd give my annual predictions and judgments on the movies of 2009 . So here we go : This is an odd category this year . There is no front runner for best writing . I think that Up in the Air might take this or perhaps Inglorious Basterds ( just to throw Tarantino a bone ) . I also think that ( 500 ) Days of Summer should be in there , but I 'm not sure it will be . I won 't count out Nick Hornby for An Education as well , Hollywood loves to show it 's appreciation for novelists by giving them Oscars whenever possible ( see John Irving ) . Also , Disney 's Up was a fabulously written movie that deserves some credit here , but I 'm thinking Up in the Air is going to take it . I would put my money on James Cameron for Avatar or Jason Reitman for Up in the Air . Basically , James Cameron just dedicated four years to Avatar and it 's made $ 450 million domestically , but he won a best director oscar for Titanic many years ago . I could see the academy welcoming Jason Reitman for the three great movies he has made ( Thank You for Smoking , Juno and now , Up in the Air ) by giving him a little golden statue . My long shot guess would be Tarantino as he has never won a directing statue ( and maybe should have for Pulp Fiction ) . But if he wins best screenplay he won 't win best director . Now here 's a freaking category . There are AMAZING performances in this category so really it 's anyone 's game . Of course , this is Hollywood and it 's never anyone 's game . I think Mo ' nique is going to take home the statue for Precious . She 's a comedian that took on this very very dark , very awful person and made her a person . You certainly don 't like her in the movie , but she 's a person and in a weird , f - ed up way you understand her , even if you know she 's horrible . However , the ladies of Up in the Air were both amazing Vera Farmiga as Clooney 's love interest and Anna Kendrick as his younger protege completed the emotional texture of the movie . They were great . I don 't think Penelope Cruz will win for Nine , though she is great in it . But I think Julieanne Moore could upset for A Simple Man , she 's never won an Oscar and is due up for one . I think this is going to be Jeff Bridges year . He is amazing in Crazy Heart ( go see it if you haven 't already ) . I also think Clooney might get this one for Up in the Air . The whole movie rode on his shoulders and he doesn 't have a Best Actor oscar ( just best supporting ) so I could see it going to him . Also , I never discount the Academy 's love of Daniel Day - Lewis . He 's great in Nine , but I still think we 're going to see a Clooney / Bridges showdown . I 'm going with a pretty much lock on Gabourey Sidibe for Precious . She was absolutely freaking amazing in that movie and it was a great movie ( not to sad for the subject matter it dealt with ) pretty much thanks to her and her alone . However , I could see a Sandra Bullock upset for The Blind Side ( as this might be her one shot at Oscar Glory ) and I could see a Meryl Streep upset for Julie and Julia ( remember she hasn 't won an Oscar in a very very long time , though she is nominated for pretty much every role she plays … this will be number 16 , I think ) . I think Marion Cotillard will be nominated for Nine , as she was wonderful , but I don 't think she 'll win ( she just won two years ago ) and I think that Emily Blunt may be nominated for The Young Victoria , just to show that she 's a great actress to watch out for ( this happened with Amy Adams when she was nominated for Junebug a few years ago ) . The other big upset I could see comes from Carey Mulligan in An Education . She was simply fantastic in that movie and played a young girl with a sense of savvy who was too naive to see how naive she was . So good . This one is going to be a race . There are 10 different movies that will be nominated this year ( as a way for the Academy to appeal to a larger viewing audience ) , so the boat is going to rock a bit . Now , personally I 'm happy about this because ( 500 ) Days of Summer , which normally wouldn 't have had an eyelash batted its way , has a fighting chance for a nomination , if not the big prize . I 'll say that it is my favorite movie of the year . As for winners , however , I think Avatar has a fighting chance , as it is a huge blockbuster and basically just changed hollywood for good ( again James Cameron ? once wasn 't enough ) . However , I think the winner is going to be one of the smaller movies that no one expects . Crazy Heart could take it , Precious is definitely a front - runner , and The Hurt Locker seems to be gaining momentum in this race . I also think that Up in the Air might be the actual front - runner . It 's a great movie , but it 's also very timely ( i . e . it wouldn 't work at any other time in any other economic environment ) . I think this one will end up winning . Other things to look out for : Ryan Bingham will win for best song from Crazy Heart . Best Foreign I 'm voting for Pedro Almodovar 's Broken Embraces . And lastly , what the fuck is going to happen with 10 Best Picture nominees ? People often ask me , as an employee of an Independent Bookstore , what I feel about the Kindle . I actually don 't really care about the Kindle . I don 't really believe that the Kindle threatens sales at my book store all that much . In fact , I think that Borders and Barnes and Noble are the book stores that should be threatened by the Kindle . Generally speaking , people who shop at independent book stores actually like to read actual books , and books that are not available in e format . Recently also , my mother has asked me about the future of publishing , specifically , is there a future in publishing ? I work in a business that , like the music business , has fallen victim to the internet , downloading , piracy , etc . And I will freely admit that I have written about the downfall of the music business . Again , I will argue , that ( this year especially ) the quality of books being written is absolutely amazing , whereas the quality of popular music continues to decline sharply . That being said , I find it interesting that the music business has some hope , and maybe that hope translates to books . A few days ago I read this article in the New York Times about the resurgence of vinyl and it sparked something in me . Now , perhaps this has something to do with the fact that I bought my first turntable a few months ago ( my parents have one , but I 've never had my own ) , or perhaps it has to do with the phase I went through as a young punk when I wouldn 't buy older punk music on cd because it was meant to be played on vinyl . In any case , in the past few years , as I 've kept up with my generation by buying cds and downloading music from iTunes , it has be come clear to me that records sound different . This battle is occurring in the film industry as well as the battle between film and digital video takes shape . The truth of the matter is that film looks better and vinyl sounds better . There 's a richness to both media that is just not present in an mp3 , on an HD digital video ( I personally detest HD because I hate seeing people 's makeup , give me grainy pictures back , please ) . The NYT article argues that it is passion for our roots that drive us toward vinyl , but I think it 's different than that . I think that people are hanging on to the full experience of an album with liner notes and artwork , not just a digital picture on our iPod after downloading and album onto it . To me it seems foolish to say that digital movies , music , books , etc are just a passing fad . Obviously they are a part of the commercial realm now , but it seems equally ignorant to presume that with the iPod , video online , and the kindle are going to monopolize the industries that they reside in . Technology moves forward , but the need for content hasn 't yet gone away , nor , do I think , will it ever go away . Because the one thing that is true through all of these speculations about the death of these industries is that people still want to consume entertainment , perhaps more than they 've ever wanted to consume entertainment before . My favorite place to eat in Los Angeles is this little retro diner about three blocks from my house . There is weird artwork on the walls , sixties green and orange booths and neo - retro light fixtures hang from the ceiling . They serve good coffee and good food and they have a big real - wood counter that I usually sit at with my book . The diner is three blocks away from my house , so I can walk there , but the best part is that they play good music . On Saturday afternoon , I found myself in Fred 62 ( my diner ) , eating their awesome granola and drinking coffee . I had just bought Miss Lonelyhearts / The Day of the Locust by Nathaniel West and was reading different parts of the book ( I have literary ADD and can 't just read a book from the start , but have to skip around and look at the chapters , the introduction , the afterword , etc ) , in the background , music from my adolscence came through the speakers . I knew all the words to every song that played as I sat there . I 'm young , coming up on my 26th birthday , but I 'm not that young . I 'm to a point in life where I 've actually lived a little bit . This week , I will add , was also the 25th birthday of my best friend , who , I realized , I 've known for a decade now . What I realized while sitting in that hipster diner and listening to my past , was that I felt comfortable with having a past . There was a comfort that came along with knowing someone for a decade , or knowing all the words to The Goo Goo Dolls , Pearl Jam , The Gin Blossoms , etc . There was a comfort to knowing I didn 't have a grudge against anyone , I hadn 't cut anyone out of my life because of some perceived hurt . I guess this all started coming up as the 1989 , 20 year anniversary celebrations started . The 20th anniversary of the Loma Prieta earthquake ( which I certainly remember ) , the 20th anniversary of the falling of the Berlin Wall , the 20th anniversary of the Exxon spill . All vivid memories of mine the solidly placed my life in the context of global events . And I find comfort in that . I find comfort in comparing myself to the span of history , to my own little experience , cut out of the largess of human experience in general . I miss music videos . There was a good five year period where I feel like my whole life revolved around watching music videos . I remember days home from school where I 'd order pizza and watch MTV for hours , the same rotation of music videos over and over again . I 'm fairly certain this is where my love of movies came from ; one can 't watch the Spike Jonze video for Sabotage as many times as I have and not have an innate appreciation for cinema . In fact , there are certain songs that I remember specifically by the music video and every time I hear those songs , the video flashes in my head . I can 't even remember the song that goes along with the mentos / foo fighters video , but I certainly remember the video . About a year ago someone showed me the single ladies music video on youtube and something started niggling at the back of my mind . I 'm admittedly very bad with new and popular music ( I 've never had much of a tolerance for popular music , with the exception of Nirvana ) , instead I have some ridiculous penchant for finding music that was popular approximately 20 - 30 years ago , or for music that not many people like . So when I saw the Beyonce video , not only had I never heard the song ( which I will admit I like ) but I found it completely ridiculous that I was forced to watch it on a 3 ″ screen with crappy resolution . Really , what this seemingly innocuous occurrence did was made me realize how ridiculous the music video market has become . I don 't want to sound like one of those twentysomethings who talks incessantly about how much better things were when I was a kid because I don 't actually believe that they were wholly better , but I have to say , there was something awesome about the music videos of the early 90s . For huge chunks of time throughout the day you could watch / listen to non - stop music . There were whole shows dedicated to certain genres of this music ( Yo ! MTV Raps for instance ) and of course when I got home from school everyday there was Total Request Live . As I said before , I 've never been thNovember 7 , 2009 Posted by jcalla | It 's an inevitable question . When you meet new people , when you get closer to people you already know , the question of family or more specifically siblings always arises . And as an only child , there 's this look that I always get when I give up that information . It 's a kind of knowing look with a dash of skepticism tossed in on the side . A look that says something along the lines of , ' oh , you 're one of those ? ' Because there is this stigma associated with only children , that somehow we 're the ones throwing fits on the sidewalk , kicking and screaming into adulthood , unable to do anything without our parents . And maybe , in a way , that can be true . I don 't know that I 'm necessarily an all about me person ( though maybe this email that 's all about me will beg to differ ) , but I certainly am not someone who can 't see how my behavior effects the people around me . Being an only child is an odd sort of thing . On the one hand , I was certainly able to do things that other people weren 't able to do because my parents only had me to support , but there are all these other events that siblings get to be and do together . The other inevitable question when it has been established that I am an only child is , ' did you ever want a sibling ? ' The answer , not so straightforward , is sometimes . There were times when I would create siblings in my head , tell my friends at school that I had sisters and brothers ( usually they were friends that didn 't go to the same school ) and found myself in embarrassing situations when my school friends came over and realized that I did not , in fact , have any siblings . On the other hand , I liked having to worry only about myself , I liked the fact that I had undivided attention when my parents came home from work , and I still love the fact that my parents were able to pay for college and send me to London and a million other things I 'm sure I don 't know about because they weren 't ones to rub their good deeds in , but they also did not have another child to support . At the same time , in a way , I wasn 't an only child at all . As one of 13 - 15 cousins ( I 've lost track of how many there are now ) , there were always kids around . Family time , which was often , came with anywhere from 2 - ? ? ? ? children running around , shooting nerf guns at each other , playing basketball or Tetris or hearts . We sometimes fought like siblings , we loved each other like siblings ( and still do ) , we may not have had to live together but to me , they were my siblings . And what I lacked in cousins , I made up for in only children friends , some of whom ( ahem , Jesse ) I still consider my family . But last month , as I attended the funeral of a friend of my grandmother 's I was slapped in the face with a realization about only childness . I watched as Mrs . Carroll 's children consoled each other and a kind of panic washed over me . I am an only child . And as an only child there are a few things that I must weather alone . Until I saw the warmth that passed through the siblings as they said good - bye to their mother , I had never thought of the burden of the only child . It 's not just that we must lose our parents alone , that we don 't have brothers or sisters to know our pain so acutely that we don 't even need words to share in the hurt , but we also have to bear the burden of parental pride . It 's our sole burden , and priviledge , to make our parents proud . We have to do it because no one else is going to . We don 't have the option of failure . We don 't have the luxury of passing our ailing parent 's healthcare to our siblings ( not that having siblings means that this is inevitable , but it is an option ) . In a few ways , in a few situations , we , as only children , are simply alone . I 'm not saying that I would trade being an only child for anything , I wouldn 't . I 'm not saying that there aren 't friends and family , as I have plenty of both , but in a way , there is a kind of solitude that comes along with being the only child . Starting from the solitude of an empty house after school and working through the more vexing solitudes that life throws everyone 's way , the only child is not just spoiled or bratty ( though we know we all can be both ) , but is a fully rounded person unworthy of the skeptical looks and knowing eyebrow raises . And though I , as an only child , am able to straddle the line of both solitude and immense socialization ( can 't come from a family of 30 + and not know how to interact with people ) , I still carry the burden as well . I love the advent of television on the internet . Speaking as someone who definitely has scheduled an entire school curriculum around when television shows air , I love the newfound freedom that television on the internet ( and TiVo ) has afforded me . I love the fact that while plugging away at filing what seems like sometimes endless amounts of paperwork , I can catch up on The Office or 30 Rock , on Gossip Girl or 90210 . I love that I can download Glee to my iPod for $ 1 . 99 and watch it on the bus on my way to work . When I was in college , I would choose 8 : 00 AM section over 8 : 00 PM because the night time sections always interfered with my TV shows . I would get calls from my roommates , panicked that they weren 't going to be home in time for Dawson 's Creek or Gilmore Girls , and requesting that a video tape ( remember those ? ) be put in to record the show . Ah , aren 't we glad those days are behind us ? Working until 11 : 00 PM ? No sweat , I 'll watch my TV tomorrow , or this weekend . I 'm hearing so much about Mad Men , but am now three seasons behind ? Whatevs , I 'll catch in on DVD . But even with these great innovations , I find that there is something missing . Last Wednesday I went over to my old roommates new house . We had dinner , played a little Beatles Rock Band ( which I love , even though I can 't stand the Beatles … please , do not email me about that assertion , I know what you all are thinking ) , and watched Glee . Whether or not you like Glee ( and I 'm judging you if you don 't ) , whether or not this sounds like a great way to spend an evening , I realized what , exactly , was missing from my TV on the internet : the social aspect of watching television ( I can hear my mother groaning right now ) . At a time when good television is better than it 's ever been , I find it sad that the way I watch TV the most is huddled at my desk with a pair of headphones on , suppressing my chuckles , blinking back tears , and trying not to make any gasping noises when something particularly shocking happens . And I 'll admit it freely , I miss watching TV with people . I miss commenting on wardrobe : ' what is that outfit ? ' was a refrain often heard in my various apartments in college . I miss sharing the joys , the pain , the laugter and the ridiculousness of some stupid television show that you just can 't get enough of with other people who can 't get enough of it . For me , coming from a group of TV friends who are as passionate , if not moreso , than I , it is hard to quiet down and just watch . It 's hard not to react , not to reach out to others . Much like in life , Television begs human contact , some sort of consensus must be reached about character arcs and plotlines , about wardrobe and hair . I mean , people used to knock on our dorm room door because we reacted so loudly they thought there was something wrong , people heard us yelling from down the street outside apartments and houses as we wondered why certain fictional characters were behaving as they were . Now we 're relegated to text messaging or instant messaging one another : ' I love chuck and blair , ' isn 't as satisfying as a face to face conversation about the merits of a relationship that is doomed not to work out . I 'm realizing as I write this , that I don 't just miss the missed opportunity for communication , and I will say that often television is a way to open up about crap that 's happened to you , even if it 's just putting your two cents in on a situation that you 've experienced ( can 't argue that one mom , how many discussions about drugs and sex did we have after an episode of 90210 ? A Lot ! ) , but I miss the socialization . I miss the fact that every Thursday for three years , my friends and I found a way to get together and watch The O . C . That every Thursday in our house meant fish tacos and margaritas , or one of our pizza delivering friends would bring pizza and beer . I miss that 20 minutes prior to a show when people just started arriving at our house , that the TV show was a way to keep up with friends , a way to continue the bond that may have been left in the library or at the roadside of endless reading . I miss that many of my friendships now could use a little jump start from a weekly TV watching party . Even if it 's just two or three people on a couch , the bondedness of experiencing a show together , laughing together , crying together , commentating together is going away . And I miss it . First off , I live in a near constant fear that someone I don 't want to talk to is going to try and friend me ( ahem , certain ex - uncles I have no care to chat with ) , and I 'm going to have to ignore them , then run into them randomly and have them be pissed at me ( don 't you wish you could be inside my head ? ) . Then , of course , is the fear of the people I try to ignore whenever I 'm in Santa Cruz . But mostly , my stress comes from the constant pressure of the updates . That 's right , I said it , the updates raise my blood pressure . I mean , come on , they have to be funny and provocative , interesting yet not completely telling , and most of all , they have to be short . And I 'm not going to lie , I check to see how many people have ' liked ' my posts , how many people have commented . Not to mention the fact that I can get all this on my blackberry , so I can check on things like this . So , one might ask , why the hell would I want to subject myself to this ? Well , my brits did guilt me into joining . I 'm certain the phrase , ' we could keep in touch better if you joined facebook , ' was used once or twice , but really the fascinating and shocking ( to me ) thing is , I actually do like Facebook . I like being able to keep up with my friends and family without having to talk on the phone ( because I really hate talking on the phone ) and I like seeing people 's pictures , reading funny updates . I like the political debates that rage on different posts . I like hearing what everyone is up to on a regular basis . For all it 's merits though , I think the Facebook / MySpace phenomenon begs the question , what did we do before this ? I mean , I definitely talked on the phone in high school , but not any more than I do now . Did we just not know what was going on in everybody 's day to day life ? Do we need to know that now ? I 'm guess I 'm wondering , did we have more friends or less ? Did we really know more people and now we just kind of know them , or did we know just as many people , but not as well ? The thing about Facebook is it 's a censored version of yourself . I mean , we don 't get to go on there and say , ' man , I had a crazy night . Got drunk , did something stupid with someone I didn 't know , crazy night . ' or ' God , that was some good weed ! ' Our families get those updates , our parents , our aunts , our cousins . No one needs to know things like that . I don 't even tell my friends things like that . At the same time , I think that Facebook affords us a look into the people around us . We get to hear about their day ( whatever part they choose to share ) , we get to hear about the random thoughts that appear in their heads , about the issues they choose to share . And maybe that speaks more than anything else can . Maybe just the feeling of being more connected is more important than whether we 're actually connected or not . Leave a comment « Previous Entries All About Me , Kinda Hey . I 'm Julia . I live in Los Angeles and I want to be a writer , just like half the people in Los Angeles . Maybe it 'll happen someday ; one can only hope , but I guess that 's all contingent on whether or not I have talent . So let me know what you think of my little rants . And if you have the power to pay me to write … I 'm a motivated , enthusiastic and organized person who would be perfect for whatever written word needs you may have .
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The last few months have been rough . Really rough . The kind of rough you know you 'll look back on someday and think , well , that was shitty , but at least I survived . I 'm still waiting to survive . Without going into too much detail , I 'll say this : it 's getting better . And there are two key things that happened to make it that way . Number one , I 'm teaching myself that work can 't be your whole life because when something goes wrong with work and it 's all you have then your world gets devastated , with no hope but a slow crawl of a recovery . Number two , Roller Derby . Those of you who are facebook friends with me might know that I 'm a smidge obsessed with this all - contact sport , and it 's true . I 'm completely obsessed . It 's like oxygen . Getting on a track with 20 other women and having them beat the snot out of me is the best part of my week . Whenever I tell people that this is my new pastime I get one of two responses ( usually drawn directly down gender lines , unless I am telling a relative , then it 's all option one ) , the majority of women look at me like I 'm absolutely insane and ask why on earth I would want to do something like that and don 't I worry about getting hurt . Men usually have a reaction somewhat akin to cartoons when Jessica Rabbit walks by , eyes pop out of head , tongues hang out of mouths , and they want to come watch . Any derby girl knows , the most annoying , yet most asked question is ' do you worry about getting hurt ? ' The answer is : of course . That 's definitely a concern , but most of my time on the track is spent learning how not to hurt myself or others . Sure , I could get knocked into the rail and crack a rib , or go face first into someone 's skate and break my nose . I could break my tailbone or collarbone , tear my ACL , and I already can 't rest too much weight on my left wrist . But the truth of it is , these are all risks I 'm willing to take . I wear my bruises with pride , I relish the swollen pinky I 'm currently sporting and I did learn the hard way not to wear glasses to practice last week . So why I am willing to take these seemingly insane risks ? Because I haven 't felt this way about anything since I was 14 and found punk rock . It 's been 12 years since I felt this much at home in my body , in my mind , in everything . When I discovered the punk scene I felt like I had come home . Then , about 4 years later , it all changed . Police were breaking up our punk shows and the bands we admired were playing sold out arenas instead of the little clubs we were used to seeing them in . On the other hand , I have always been athletic and played sports throughout my childhood . What I really realized around the time I found punk , was that I couldn 't fucking stand the people who played sports . Those girls were mean . I was always the tallest girl on the basketball court , soccer field , or swim team ( and when I say tallest , I mean by like 4 or 5 inches ) . I was always the biggest girl on every team I played for , and no one got that the fat girl could be athletic . That I may not be able to run as long as they could , but come game time I could match every single skill and was harder to see around . The second I set foot into the Doll Factory on a cold day in December to watch my first Roller Derby bout , I knew my life had changed . There was something about watching those women up there in booty shorts and fishnet tights , slamming each other into rails , skating backwards with the grace of a figure skater , and sliding for what seemed like miles on their knees before springing up and jumping back in the fray , that just lit me on fire . I had to do it . I won 't lie , it took me about four months to finally get up the courage to even try . One night Steve and I were at a bout and one of the girls not playing that night came up to us to sell us some raffle tickets . I always buy raffle tickets because I like to support the things I love and the girl asked me if it was my first time there . I said no , that I come all the time . It 's my favorite night out in Los Angeles , and then she looked me up and down and asked if I had ever considered trying out . Steve , like a cartoon behind me , started shouting , " yes , yes she should try out . " And then I did . I showed up to my first class in a pair of shitty plastic skates , scared out of my mind . I had no idea what to expect : the website said that the first week of class we would be working on stopping and falling . This , of course , brought up terrifying thoughts of girls hurling themselves at us as we learned how to face - plant without breaking any bones . But , as it turned out , the classes were like any other work out classes . We showed up and introduced ourselves ( one small difference , instead of the teacher having a normal name , our teacher proudly introduced herself as Axles of Evil , but you can call her Axles ) . We then commenced learning how to stop without a toe stop , a maneuver that made my leg feel as though it was going to be ripped off at the thigh . Throughout the course of the next eight weeks I picked up a second class every week , taught by a woman by the name of Puncherello , but you can call her Punchy . And week after week , minute after minute as I slammed down onto the track only to pop back up again and keep doing whatever it was I was doing before slamming down onto the track again , and on and on until our hour was done . I quickly realized the answer as to why girls keep doing this even after major injuries , there 's nothing else like it . It 's a little hard to describe how great it feels to hit the ground as hard as you do only to pop up again . It 's not so much the bruising ( though that is a source of pride ) or the fact that you get knocked down approximately 4 , 000 times an hour , it the fact that no matter how many times you fall , no matter how much that last one is stinging your thigh , you get back up again . There is an amazing amount of strength and pride that this simple act provides . And then there 's the army of women that are just as tough as you , just as dedicated as you , who are probably better than you , but would never ever say it . They are the real reason to be a part of roller derby . Because every time you do something you couldn 't do before , there are people clapping their wrist guards together cheering you on . Every time you fall , there 's someone who knows you can pop back up … . and if you can 't , there 's someone to take you to the doctor and get you drunk afterward . There 's a reason to live and breathe derby , there 's a reason there are terms such as derby wife and derby widow / widower , it 's because once you 've experienced this family , you 're hooked , you 're done looking . When I was a teenager my life revolved around music . There were very few activities I participated in that didn 't have something to do with music . I woke up every morning at 5 : 45 am ( after staying up until the wee hours trying to finish my homework ) to go to Jazz Band . I talked about music with my friends , my fashion exuded music and immediately told everyone who saw me exactly what kind of music I listened to ( punk , for those who didn 't know me back then ) . My last class of the day was music oriented ( either band or the spring musical , depending on the day and time of year ) . During the spring time , when working on the musical , I would be at school until 10 : 00 pm working on the music . Even when I wasn 't at school , I would rehearse with the band I played bass in ( named Stalin 's War in the way that only disaffected youth can name a band ) , often until the 7 : 00 pm cut - off , when the neighbors would start complaining about the raucous music coming from our guitar player 's garage . I listened to music constantly . In the car , it blasted out of the speakers I blew out multiple times . At home it blasted out of my parents stereo , whose speakers I also blew out . And in all other instances I had a discman ( seems like an 8 - track player now ) and a small collection of cds to choose from . It 's no surprise that one of my favorite places in Santa Cruz was Streetlight Records . I spent hours browsing through cds that I had browsed through hundreds of times hoping to find some gem that I had previously overlooked . My Marie Callender 's pay check often was deposited directly to Streetlight and its seemingly endless possibilities . I won 't lie , when I was a senior in high school ( and pretty much done with my high school and Santa Cruz in general ) I would ditch class with a friend or two and drive to Fremont only to hop a Bart Train to Berkeley and loose myself on the corner of Telegraph Ave . where Rasputin and Amoeba face off . Those were days of endless joy . Lunch at Blake 's , dips in to Cody 's books ( may it Rest in Peace ) , and hours finding all the cds I couldn 't find at Streetlight . There were even times when I made my mother drive me to San Jose ( blech ) to the mega - Streetlight on Bascom where I would find yet another Sid Vicious poster for my perfectly crafted walls ( seriously , I just needed to cover that damn choo - choo - train wallpaper ) . Needless to say , as restless and agitated as I was at the tender ages of about 13 - 20 , music provided the solace that I sought . Actually , one of the deciding factors of my move to Los Angeles was the fact that the behemoth Amoeba mothership store opened on the corner of Hollywood and Cahuenga , a place that I still visit on at least a weekly basis , if not more . I absolutely can 't stand shopping for music online , mainly because there is no hope of finding a hidden gem as there is in a great record store . Also , and this is what I love about Amoeba , there is no hope of finding the great bargains . I once bought 19 cds for $ 95 . I know in my generation of mp3s and iPods ( don 't get me wrong , I love my iPod ) , I am an anomaly that still buys cds . Though , I really don 't believe that I 'm an anomaly , as Amoeba is still around and seems to be doing great business ( if the constantly full parking lot is any indicator ) . All that being said , I do also happen to work at an independent book store , which , like independent record stores , are a dying breed , due in large part to innovations like amazon . com . Now , I actually like Amazon . I use it on an almost daily basis as a research tool and I occasionally order from it ( though I usually go through powells . com for books I want and head down to amoeba for music and movies ) . My love of record stores was sealed in high school , in the hallowed walls of Streetlight , the plastic cd cases clacking loudly against each other as people browsed through the endless possibilities of music , but my love of book stores was truly solidified in London . Sure , I love Book Shop Santa Cruz , and have some great memories of sitting in corners of the store ( and the tent ) as my mom read me Ferdinand the Bull on the floor . But in London I learned the calming effect of a book store . Whenever I felt homesick or morose ( due usually to the weather ) I would pop in to a Waterstone 's and spend an hour running my fingers over the possibilities of all the different worlds I could suddenly be transported to if I opened any one of these books on the shelf . I usually succumbed to the 3 for the price of 2 deals and left with a small bag of possibilities and a lighter heart . Last week I went down to San Diego for the day to visit a friend of mine ( sorry I didn 't stop by AJ and Steph , you were still at work by the time I left ) , and was on the prowl for a cd by Ryan Bingham ( i . e . the guy who just won a Golden Globe for best song from Crazy Heart ) . I , as I am a modern gal , googled record stores in San Diego on my phone and came up surprisingly short . It was shocking really . My friend and I drove all over the place looking for record stores that sold actual CDs and not just old expensive vinyl ( not that I don 't love vinyl , I just wanted this one CD ) . I guess what made me really sad was the fact that one of California 's largest cities didn 't have a record store . Ryan Bingham isn 't the kind of guy you can find at Border 's ( not that I shop there ) and there were a few little stores that just didn 't have the room to carry everything ( though they were very nice and offered to order the CD for me ) . For the first time in my life I was aware of the fact that I was in a place that didn 't have a music store . And then it hit me , the detriment that these big box chain stores have wrought on American life . Now , I 'm not about to go off on some rant about how fucked up corporate America is , but I will say that I felt this heavy sense of tragedy as I walked away empty handed . I think we 've lost that feeling of non - hegemony , of finding these little treasures in the veritable sea of sameness . And for me , that 's why I work where I work for the little money I make . Maybe I 'm helping some kid find solace by pointing them toward " Youth in Revolt " or " The Perks of Being a Wallflower . " Maybe I 'm helping in the same way some nameless salesperson at Amoeba helped me when they showed me The Sex Pistols or A . F . I . When the guy at the comic book store handed me a copy of Watchmen and Superman : Red Son . The way a professor did when he handed me Maus . The way another professor did when he sat and watched Darkwing Duck with me on a weekday afternoon . And I 'm hoping seriously that we haven 't lost that . So I just want to apologize for being so long between emails . If you can 't tell , I 've been rather busy lately . But there are just too many things brewing in my head right now to not take the time to send out one of these emails I know you all love . So seeing as it 's nearly time for the Golden Globes ( and thus my favorite time of year : award show season ) I thought I 'd give my annual predictions and judgments on the movies of 2009 . So here we go : This is an odd category this year . There is no front runner for best writing . I think that Up in the Air might take this or perhaps Inglorious Basterds ( just to throw Tarantino a bone ) . I also think that ( 500 ) Days of Summer should be in there , but I 'm not sure it will be . I won 't count out Nick Hornby for An Education as well , Hollywood loves to show it 's appreciation for novelists by giving them Oscars whenever possible ( see John Irving ) . Also , Disney 's Up was a fabulously written movie that deserves some credit here , but I 'm thinking Up in the Air is going to take it . I would put my money on James Cameron for Avatar or Jason Reitman for Up in the Air . Basically , James Cameron just dedicated four years to Avatar and it 's made $ 450 million domestically , but he won a best director oscar for Titanic many years ago . I could see the academy welcoming Jason Reitman for the three great movies he has made ( Thank You for Smoking , Juno and now , Up in the Air ) by giving him a little golden statue . My long shot guess would be Tarantino as he has never won a directing statue ( and maybe should have for Pulp Fiction ) . But if he wins best screenplay he won 't win best director . Now here 's a freaking category . There are AMAZING performances in this category so really it 's anyone 's game . Of course , this is Hollywood and it 's never anyone 's game . I think Mo ' nique is going to take home the statue for Precious . She 's a comedian that took on this very very dark , very awful person and made her a person . You certainly don 't like her in the movie , but she 's a person and in a weird , f - ed up way you understand her , even if you know she 's horrible . However , the ladies of Up in the Air were both amazing Vera Farmiga as Clooney 's love interest and Anna Kendrick as his younger protege completed the emotional texture of the movie . They were great . I don 't think Penelope Cruz will win for Nine , though she is great in it . But I think Julieanne Moore could upset for A Simple Man , she 's never won an Oscar and is due up for one . I think this is going to be Jeff Bridges year . He is amazing in Crazy Heart ( go see it if you haven 't already ) . I also think Clooney might get this one for Up in the Air . The whole movie rode on his shoulders and he doesn 't have a Best Actor oscar ( just best supporting ) so I could see it going to him . Also , I never discount the Academy 's love of Daniel Day - Lewis . He 's great in Nine , but I still think we 're going to see a Clooney / Bridges showdown . I 'm going with a pretty much lock on Gabourey Sidibe for Precious . She was absolutely freaking amazing in that movie and it was a great movie ( not to sad for the subject matter it dealt with ) pretty much thanks to her and her alone . However , I could see a Sandra Bullock upset for The Blind Side ( as this might be her one shot at Oscar Glory ) and I could see a Meryl Streep upset for Julie and Julia ( remember she hasn 't won an Oscar in a very very long time , though she is nominated for pretty much every role she plays … this will be number 16 , I think ) . I think Marion Cotillard will be nominated for Nine , as she was wonderful , but I don 't think she 'll win ( she just won two years ago ) and I think that Emily Blunt may be nominated for The Young Victoria , just to show that she 's a great actress to watch out for ( this happened with Amy Adams when she was nominated for Junebug a few years ago ) . The other big upset I could see comes from Carey Mulligan in An Education . She was simply fantastic in that movie and played a young girl with a sense of savvy who was too naive to see how naive she was . So good . This one is going to be a race . There are 10 different movies that will be nominated this year ( as a way for the Academy to appeal to a larger viewing audience ) , so the boat is going to rock a bit . Now , personally I 'm happy about this because ( 500 ) Days of Summer , which normally wouldn 't have had an eyelash batted its way , has a fighting chance for a nomination , if not the big prize . I 'll say that it is my favorite movie of the year . As for winners , however , I think Avatar has a fighting chance , as it is a huge blockbuster and basically just changed hollywood for good ( again James Cameron ? once wasn 't enough ) . However , I think the winner is going to be one of the smaller movies that no one expects . Crazy Heart could take it , Precious is definitely a front - runner , and The Hurt Locker seems to be gaining momentum in this race . I also think that Up in the Air might be the actual front - runner . It 's a great movie , but it 's also very timely ( i . e . it wouldn 't work at any other time in any other economic environment ) . I think this one will end up winning . Other things to look out for : Ryan Bingham will win for best song from Crazy Heart . Best Foreign I 'm voting for Pedro Almodovar 's Broken Embraces . And lastly , what the fuck is going to happen with 10 Best Picture nominees ? People often ask me , as an employee of an Independent Bookstore , what I feel about the Kindle . I actually don 't really care about the Kindle . I don 't really believe that the Kindle threatens sales at my book store all that much . In fact , I think that Borders and Barnes and Noble are the book stores that should be threatened by the Kindle . Generally speaking , people who shop at independent book stores actually like to read actual books , and books that are not available in e format . Recently also , my mother has asked me about the future of publishing , specifically , is there a future in publishing ? I work in a business that , like the music business , has fallen victim to the internet , downloading , piracy , etc . And I will freely admit that I have written about the downfall of the music business . Again , I will argue , that ( this year especially ) the quality of books being written is absolutely amazing , whereas the quality of popular music continues to decline sharply . That being said , I find it interesting that the music business has some hope , and maybe that hope translates to books . A few days ago I read this article in the New York Times about the resurgence of vinyl and it sparked something in me . Now , perhaps this has something to do with the fact that I bought my first turntable a few months ago ( my parents have one , but I 've never had my own ) , or perhaps it has to do with the phase I went through as a young punk when I wouldn 't buy older punk music on cd because it was meant to be played on vinyl . In any case , in the past few years , as I 've kept up with my generation by buying cds and downloading music from iTunes , it has be come clear to me that records sound different . This battle is occurring in the film industry as well as the battle between film and digital video takes shape . The truth of the matter is that film looks better and vinyl sounds better . There 's a richness to both media that is just not present in an mp3 , on an HD digital video ( I personally detest HD because I hate seeing people 's makeup , give me grainy pictures back , please ) . The NYT article argues that it is passion for our roots that drive us toward vinyl , but I think it 's different than that . I think that people are hanging on to the full experience of an album with liner notes and artwork , not just a digital picture on our iPod after downloading and album onto it . To me it seems foolish to say that digital movies , music , books , etc are just a passing fad . Obviously they are a part of the commercial realm now , but it seems equally ignorant to presume that with the iPod , video online , and the kindle are going to monopolize the industries that they reside in . Technology moves forward , but the need for content hasn 't yet gone away , nor , do I think , will it ever go away . Because the one thing that is true through all of these speculations about the death of these industries is that people still want to consume entertainment , perhaps more than they 've ever wanted to consume entertainment before . My favorite place to eat in Los Angeles is this little retro diner about three blocks from my house . There is weird artwork on the walls , sixties green and orange booths and neo - retro light fixtures hang from the ceiling . They serve good coffee and good food and they have a big real - wood counter that I usually sit at with my book . The diner is three blocks away from my house , so I can walk there , but the best part is that they play good music . On Saturday afternoon , I found myself in Fred 62 ( my diner ) , eating their awesome granola and drinking coffee . I had just bought Miss Lonelyhearts / The Day of the Locust by Nathaniel West and was reading different parts of the book ( I have literary ADD and can 't just read a book from the start , but have to skip around and look at the chapters , the introduction , the afterword , etc ) , in the background , music from my adolscence came through the speakers . I knew all the words to every song that played as I sat there . I 'm young , coming up on my 26th birthday , but I 'm not that young . I 'm to a point in life where I 've actually lived a little bit . This week , I will add , was also the 25th birthday of my best friend , who , I realized , I 've known for a decade now . What I realized while sitting in that hipster diner and listening to my past , was that I felt comfortable with having a past . There was a comfort that came along with knowing someone for a decade , or knowing all the words to The Goo Goo Dolls , Pearl Jam , The Gin Blossoms , etc . There was a comfort to knowing I didn 't have a grudge against anyone , I hadn 't cut anyone out of my life because of some perceived hurt . I guess this all started coming up as the 1989 , 20 year anniversary celebrations started . The 20th anniversary of the Loma Prieta earthquake ( which I certainly remember ) , the 20th anniversary of the falling of the Berlin Wall , the 20th anniversary of the Exxon spill . All vivid memories of mine the solidly placed my life in the context of global events . And I find comfort in that . I find comfort in comparing myself to the span of history , to my own little experience , cut out of the largess of human experience in general . I miss music videos . There was a good five year period where I feel like my whole life revolved around watching music videos . I remember days home from school where I 'd order pizza and watch MTV for hours , the same rotation of music videos over and over again . I 'm fairly certain this is where my love of movies came from ; one can 't watch the Spike Jonze video for Sabotage as many times as I have and not have an innate appreciation for cinema . In fact , there are certain songs that I remember specifically by the music video and every time I hear those songs , the video flashes in my head . I can 't even remember the song that goes along with the mentos / foo fighters video , but I certainly remember the video . About a year ago someone showed me the single ladies music video on youtube and something started niggling at the back of my mind . I 'm admittedly very bad with new and popular music ( I 've never had much of a tolerance for popular music , with the exception of Nirvana ) , instead I have some ridiculous penchant for finding music that was popular approximately 20 - 30 years ago , or for music that not many people like . So when I saw the Beyonce video , not only had I never heard the song ( which I will admit I like ) but I found it completely ridiculous that I was forced to watch it on a 3 ″ screen with crappy resolution . Really , what this seemingly innocuous occurrence did was made me realize how ridiculous the music video market has become . I don 't want to sound like one of those twentysomethings who talks incessantly about how much better things were when I was a kid because I don 't actually believe that they were wholly better , but I have to say , there was something awesome about the music videos of the early 90s . For huge chunks of time throughout the day you could watch / listen to non - stop music . There were whole shows dedicated to certain genres of this music ( Yo ! MTV Raps for instance ) and of course when I got home from school everyday there was Total Request Live . As I said before , I 've never been thNovember 7 , 2009 Posted by jcalla | It 's an inevitable question . When you meet new people , when you get closer to people you already know , the question of family or more specifically siblings always arises . And as an only child , there 's this look that I always get when I give up that information . It 's a kind of knowing look with a dash of skepticism tossed in on the side . A look that says something along the lines of , ' oh , you 're one of those ? ' Because there is this stigma associated with only children , that somehow we 're the ones throwing fits on the sidewalk , kicking and screaming into adulthood , unable to do anything without our parents . And maybe , in a way , that can be true . I don 't know that I 'm necessarily an all about me person ( though maybe this email that 's all about me will beg to differ ) , but I certainly am not someone who can 't see how my behavior effects the people around me . Being an only child is an odd sort of thing . On the one hand , I was certainly able to do things that other people weren 't able to do because my parents only had me to support , but there are all these other events that siblings get to be and do together . The other inevitable question when it has been established that I am an only child is , ' did you ever want a sibling ? ' The answer , not so straightforward , is sometimes . There were times when I would create siblings in my head , tell my friends at school that I had sisters and brothers ( usually they were friends that didn 't go to the same school ) and found myself in embarrassing situations when my school friends came over and realized that I did not , in fact , have any siblings . On the other hand , I liked having to worry only about myself , I liked the fact that I had undivided attention when my parents came home from work , and I still love the fact that my parents were able to pay for college and send me to London and a million other things I 'm sure I don 't know about because they weren 't ones to rub their good deeds in , but they also did not have another child to support . At the same time , in a way , I wasn 't an only child at all . As one of 13 - 15 cousins ( I 've lost track of how many there are now ) , there were always kids around . Family time , which was often , came with anywhere from 2 - ? ? ? ? children running around , shooting nerf guns at each other , playing basketball or Tetris or hearts . We sometimes fought like siblings , we loved each other like siblings ( and still do ) , we may not have had to live together but to me , they were my siblings . And what I lacked in cousins , I made up for in only children friends , some of whom ( ahem , Jesse ) I still consider my family . But last month , as I attended the funeral of a friend of my grandmother 's I was slapped in the face with a realization about only childness . I watched as Mrs . Carroll 's children consoled each other and a kind of panic washed over me . I am an only child . And as an only child there are a few things that I must weather alone . Until I saw the warmth that passed through the siblings as they said good - bye to their mother , I had never thought of the burden of the only child . It 's not just that we must lose our parents alone , that we don 't have brothers or sisters to know our pain so acutely that we don 't even need words to share in the hurt , but we also have to bear the burden of parental pride . It 's our sole burden , and priviledge , to make our parents proud . We have to do it because no one else is going to . We don 't have the option of failure . We don 't have the luxury of passing our ailing parent 's healthcare to our siblings ( not that having siblings means that this is inevitable , but it is an option ) . In a few ways , in a few situations , we , as only children , are simply alone . I 'm not saying that I would trade being an only child for anything , I wouldn 't . I 'm not saying that there aren 't friends and family , as I have plenty of both , but in a way , there is a kind of solitude that comes along with being the only child . Starting from the solitude of an empty house after school and working through the more vexing solitudes that life throws everyone 's way , the only child is not just spoiled or bratty ( though we know we all can be both ) , but is a fully rounded person unworthy of the skeptical looks and knowing eyebrow raises . And though I , as an only child , am able to straddle the line of both solitude and immense socialization ( can 't come from a family of 30 + and not know how to interact with people ) , I still carry the burden as well . I love the advent of television on the internet . Speaking as someone who definitely has scheduled an entire school curriculum around when television shows air , I love the newfound freedom that television on the internet ( and TiVo ) has afforded me . I love the fact that while plugging away at filing what seems like sometimes endless amounts of paperwork , I can catch up on The Office or 30 Rock , on Gossip Girl or 90210 . I love that I can download Glee to my iPod for $ 1 . 99 and watch it on the bus on my way to work . When I was in college , I would choose 8 : 00 AM section over 8 : 00 PM because the night time sections always interfered with my TV shows . I would get calls from my roommates , panicked that they weren 't going to be home in time for Dawson 's Creek or Gilmore Girls , and requesting that a video tape ( remember those ? ) be put in to record the show . Ah , aren 't we glad those days are behind us ? Working until 11 : 00 PM ? No sweat , I 'll watch my TV tomorrow , or this weekend . I 'm hearing so much about Mad Men , but am now three seasons behind ? Whatevs , I 'll catch in on DVD . But even with these great innovations , I find that there is something missing . Last Wednesday I went over to my old roommates new house . We had dinner , played a little Beatles Rock Band ( which I love , even though I can 't stand the Beatles … please , do not email me about that assertion , I know what you all are thinking ) , and watched Glee . Whether or not you like Glee ( and I 'm judging you if you don 't ) , whether or not this sounds like a great way to spend an evening , I realized what , exactly , was missing from my TV on the internet : the social aspect of watching television ( I can hear my mother groaning right now ) . At a time when good television is better than it 's ever been , I find it sad that the way I watch TV the most is huddled at my desk with a pair of headphones on , suppressing my chuckles , blinking back tears , and trying not to make any gasping noises when something particularly shocking happens . And I 'll admit it freely , I miss watching TV with people . I miss commenting on wardrobe : ' what is that outfit ? ' was a refrain often heard in my various apartments in college . I miss sharing the joys , the pain , the laugter and the ridiculousness of some stupid television show that you just can 't get enough of with other people who can 't get enough of it . For me , coming from a group of TV friends who are as passionate , if not moreso , than I , it is hard to quiet down and just watch . It 's hard not to react , not to reach out to others . Much like in life , Television begs human contact , some sort of consensus must be reached about character arcs and plotlines , about wardrobe and hair . I mean , people used to knock on our dorm room door because we reacted so loudly they thought there was something wrong , people heard us yelling from down the street outside apartments and houses as we wondered why certain fictional characters were behaving as they were . Now we 're relegated to text messaging or instant messaging one another : ' I love chuck and blair , ' isn 't as satisfying as a face to face conversation about the merits of a relationship that is doomed not to work out . I 'm realizing as I write this , that I don 't just miss the missed opportunity for communication , and I will say that often television is a way to open up about crap that 's happened to you , even if it 's just putting your two cents in on a situation that you 've experienced ( can 't argue that one mom , how many discussions about drugs and sex did we have after an episode of 90210 ? A Lot ! ) , but I miss the socialization . I miss the fact that every Thursday for three years , my friends and I found a way to get together and watch The O . C . That every Thursday in our house meant fish tacos and margaritas , or one of our pizza delivering friends would bring pizza and beer . I miss that 20 minutes prior to a show when people just started arriving at our house , that the TV show was a way to keep up with friends , a way to continue the bond that may have been left in the library or at the roadside of endless reading . I miss that many of my friendships now could use a little jump start from a weekly TV watching party . Even if it 's just two or three people on a couch , the bondedness of experiencing a show together , laughing together , crying together , commentating together is going away . And I miss it . First off , I live in a near constant fear that someone I don 't want to talk to is going to try and friend me ( ahem , certain ex - uncles I have no care to chat with ) , and I 'm going to have to ignore them , then run into them randomly and have them be pissed at me ( don 't you wish you could be inside my head ? ) . Then , of course , is the fear of the people I try to ignore whenever I 'm in Santa Cruz . But mostly , my stress comes from the constant pressure of the updates . That 's right , I said it , the updates raise my blood pressure . I mean , come on , they have to be funny and provocative , interesting yet not completely telling , and most of all , they have to be short . And I 'm not going to lie , I check to see how many people have ' liked ' my posts , how many people have commented . Not to mention the fact that I can get all this on my blackberry , so I can check on things like this . So , one might ask , why the hell would I want to subject myself to this ? Well , my brits did guilt me into joining . I 'm certain the phrase , ' we could keep in touch better if you joined facebook , ' was used once or twice , but really the fascinating and shocking ( to me ) thing is , I actually do like Facebook . I like being able to keep up with my friends and family without having to talk on the phone ( because I really hate talking on the phone ) and I like seeing people 's pictures , reading funny updates . I like the political debates that rage on different posts . I like hearing what everyone is up to on a regular basis . For all it 's merits though , I think the Facebook / MySpace phenomenon begs the question , what did we do before this ? I mean , I definitely talked on the phone in high school , but not any more than I do now . Did we just not know what was going on in everybody 's day to day life ? Do we need to know that now ? I 'm guess I 'm wondering , did we have more friends or less ? Did we really know more people and now we just kind of know them , or did we know just as many people , but not as well ? The thing about Facebook is it 's a censored version of yourself . I mean , we don 't get to go on there and say , ' man , I had a crazy night . Got drunk , did something stupid with someone I didn 't know , crazy night . ' or ' God , that was some good weed ! ' Our families get those updates , our parents , our aunts , our cousins . No one needs to know things like that . I don 't even tell my friends things like that . At the same time , I think that Facebook affords us a look into the people around us . We get to hear about their day ( whatever part they choose to share ) , we get to hear about the random thoughts that appear in their heads , about the issues they choose to share . And maybe that speaks more than anything else can . Maybe just the feeling of being more connected is more important than whether we 're actually connected or not . Leave a comment « Previous Entries All About Me , Kinda Hey . I 'm Julia . I live in Los Angeles and I want to be a writer , just like half the people in Los Angeles . Maybe it 'll happen someday ; one can only hope , but I guess that 's all contingent on whether or not I have talent . So let me know what you think of my little rants . And if you have the power to pay me to write … I 'm a motivated , enthusiastic and organized person who would be perfect for whatever written word needs you may have .
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The last few months have been rough . Really rough . The kind of rough you know you 'll look back on someday and think , well , that was shitty , but at least I survived . I 'm still waiting to survive . Without going into too much detail , I 'll say this : it 's getting better . And there are two key things that happened to make it that way . Number one , I 'm teaching myself that work can 't be your whole life because when something goes wrong with work and it 's all you have then your world gets devastated , with no hope but a slow crawl of a recovery . Number two , Roller Derby . Those of you who are facebook friends with me might know that I 'm a smidge obsessed with this all - contact sport , and it 's true . I 'm completely obsessed . It 's like oxygen . Getting on a track with 20 other women and having them beat the snot out of me is the best part of my week . Whenever I tell people that this is my new pastime I get one of two responses ( usually drawn directly down gender lines , unless I am telling a relative , then it 's all option one ) , the majority of women look at me like I 'm absolutely insane and ask why on earth I would want to do something like that and don 't I worry about getting hurt . Men usually have a reaction somewhat akin to cartoons when Jessica Rabbit walks by , eyes pop out of head , tongues hang out of mouths , and they want to come watch . Any derby girl knows , the most annoying , yet most asked question is ' do you worry about getting hurt ? ' The answer is : of course . That 's definitely a concern , but most of my time on the track is spent learning how not to hurt myself or others . Sure , I could get knocked into the rail and crack a rib , or go face first into someone 's skate and break my nose . I could break my tailbone or collarbone , tear my ACL , and I already can 't rest too much weight on my left wrist . But the truth of it is , these are all risks I 'm willing to take . I wear my bruises with pride , I relish the swollen pinky I 'm currently sporting and I did learn the hard way not to wear glasses to practice last week . So why I am willing to take these seemingly insane risks ? Because I haven 't felt this way about anything since I was 14 and found punk rock . It 's been 12 years since I felt this much at home in my body , in my mind , in everything . When I discovered the punk scene I felt like I had come home . Then , about 4 years later , it all changed . Police were breaking up our punk shows and the bands we admired were playing sold out arenas instead of the little clubs we were used to seeing them in . On the other hand , I have always been athletic and played sports throughout my childhood . What I really realized around the time I found punk , was that I couldn 't fucking stand the people who played sports . Those girls were mean . I was always the tallest girl on the basketball court , soccer field , or swim team ( and when I say tallest , I mean by like 4 or 5 inches ) . I was always the biggest girl on every team I played for , and no one got that the fat girl could be athletic . That I may not be able to run as long as they could , but come game time I could match every single skill and was harder to see around . The second I set foot into the Doll Factory on a cold day in December to watch my first Roller Derby bout , I knew my life had changed . There was something about watching those women up there in booty shorts and fishnet tights , slamming each other into rails , skating backwards with the grace of a figure skater , and sliding for what seemed like miles on their knees before springing up and jumping back in the fray , that just lit me on fire . I had to do it . I won 't lie , it took me about four months to finally get up the courage to even try . One night Steve and I were at a bout and one of the girls not playing that night came up to us to sell us some raffle tickets . I always buy raffle tickets because I like to support the things I love and the girl asked me if it was my first time there . I said no , that I come all the time . It 's my favorite night out in Los Angeles , and then she looked me up and down and asked if I had ever considered trying out . Steve , like a cartoon behind me , started shouting , " yes , yes she should try out . " And then I did . I showed up to my first class in a pair of shitty plastic skates , scared out of my mind . I had no idea what to expect : the website said that the first week of class we would be working on stopping and falling . This , of course , brought up terrifying thoughts of girls hurling themselves at us as we learned how to face - plant without breaking any bones . But , as it turned out , the classes were like any other work out classes . We showed up and introduced ourselves ( one small difference , instead of the teacher having a normal name , our teacher proudly introduced herself as Axles of Evil , but you can call her Axles ) . We then commenced learning how to stop without a toe stop , a maneuver that made my leg feel as though it was going to be ripped off at the thigh . Throughout the course of the next eight weeks I picked up a second class every week , taught by a woman by the name of Puncherello , but you can call her Punchy . And week after week , minute after minute as I slammed down onto the track only to pop back up again and keep doing whatever it was I was doing before slamming down onto the track again , and on and on until our hour was done . I quickly realized the answer as to why girls keep doing this even after major injuries , there 's nothing else like it . It 's a little hard to describe how great it feels to hit the ground as hard as you do only to pop up again . It 's not so much the bruising ( though that is a source of pride ) or the fact that you get knocked down approximately 4 , 000 times an hour , it the fact that no matter how many times you fall , no matter how much that last one is stinging your thigh , you get back up again . There is an amazing amount of strength and pride that this simple act provides . And then there 's the army of women that are just as tough as you , just as dedicated as you , who are probably better than you , but would never ever say it . They are the real reason to be a part of roller derby . Because every time you do something you couldn 't do before , there are people clapping their wrist guards together cheering you on . Every time you fall , there 's someone who knows you can pop back up … . and if you can 't , there 's someone to take you to the doctor and get you drunk afterward . There 's a reason to live and breathe derby , there 's a reason there are terms such as derby wife and derby widow / widower , it 's because once you 've experienced this family , you 're hooked , you 're done looking . When I was a teenager my life revolved around music . There were very few activities I participated in that didn 't have something to do with music . I woke up every morning at 5 : 45 am ( after staying up until the wee hours trying to finish my homework ) to go to Jazz Band . I talked about music with my friends , my fashion exuded music and immediately told everyone who saw me exactly what kind of music I listened to ( punk , for those who didn 't know me back then ) . My last class of the day was music oriented ( either band or the spring musical , depending on the day and time of year ) . During the spring time , when working on the musical , I would be at school until 10 : 00 pm working on the music . Even when I wasn 't at school , I would rehearse with the band I played bass in ( named Stalin 's War in the way that only disaffected youth can name a band ) , often until the 7 : 00 pm cut - off , when the neighbors would start complaining about the raucous music coming from our guitar player 's garage . I listened to music constantly . In the car , it blasted out of the speakers I blew out multiple times . At home it blasted out of my parents stereo , whose speakers I also blew out . And in all other instances I had a discman ( seems like an 8 - track player now ) and a small collection of cds to choose from . It 's no surprise that one of my favorite places in Santa Cruz was Streetlight Records . I spent hours browsing through cds that I had browsed through hundreds of times hoping to find some gem that I had previously overlooked . My Marie Callender 's pay check often was deposited directly to Streetlight and its seemingly endless possibilities . I won 't lie , when I was a senior in high school ( and pretty much done with my high school and Santa Cruz in general ) I would ditch class with a friend or two and drive to Fremont only to hop a Bart Train to Berkeley and loose myself on the corner of Telegraph Ave . where Rasputin and Amoeba face off . Those were days of endless joy . Lunch at Blake 's , dips in to Cody 's books ( may it Rest in Peace ) , and hours finding all the cds I couldn 't find at Streetlight . There were even times when I made my mother drive me to San Jose ( blech ) to the mega - Streetlight on Bascom where I would find yet another Sid Vicious poster for my perfectly crafted walls ( seriously , I just needed to cover that damn choo - choo - train wallpaper ) . Needless to say , as restless and agitated as I was at the tender ages of about 13 - 20 , music provided the solace that I sought . Actually , one of the deciding factors of my move to Los Angeles was the fact that the behemoth Amoeba mothership store opened on the corner of Hollywood and Cahuenga , a place that I still visit on at least a weekly basis , if not more . I absolutely can 't stand shopping for music online , mainly because there is no hope of finding a hidden gem as there is in a great record store . Also , and this is what I love about Amoeba , there is no hope of finding the great bargains . I once bought 19 cds for $ 95 . I know in my generation of mp3s and iPods ( don 't get me wrong , I love my iPod ) , I am an anomaly that still buys cds . Though , I really don 't believe that I 'm an anomaly , as Amoeba is still around and seems to be doing great business ( if the constantly full parking lot is any indicator ) . All that being said , I do also happen to work at an independent book store , which , like independent record stores , are a dying breed , due in large part to innovations like amazon . com . Now , I actually like Amazon . I use it on an almost daily basis as a research tool and I occasionally order from it ( though I usually go through powells . com for books I want and head down to amoeba for music and movies ) . My love of record stores was sealed in high school , in the hallowed walls of Streetlight , the plastic cd cases clacking loudly against each other as people browsed through the endless possibilities of music , but my love of book stores was truly solidified in London . Sure , I love Book Shop Santa Cruz , and have some great memories of sitting in corners of the store ( and the tent ) as my mom read me Ferdinand the Bull on the floor . But in London I learned the calming effect of a book store . Whenever I felt homesick or morose ( due usually to the weather ) I would pop in to a Waterstone 's and spend an hour running my fingers over the possibilities of all the different worlds I could suddenly be transported to if I opened any one of these books on the shelf . I usually succumbed to the 3 for the price of 2 deals and left with a small bag of possibilities and a lighter heart . Last week I went down to San Diego for the day to visit a friend of mine ( sorry I didn 't stop by AJ and Steph , you were still at work by the time I left ) , and was on the prowl for a cd by Ryan Bingham ( i . e . the guy who just won a Golden Globe for best song from Crazy Heart ) . I , as I am a modern gal , googled record stores in San Diego on my phone and came up surprisingly short . It was shocking really . My friend and I drove all over the place looking for record stores that sold actual CDs and not just old expensive vinyl ( not that I don 't love vinyl , I just wanted this one CD ) . I guess what made me really sad was the fact that one of California 's largest cities didn 't have a record store . Ryan Bingham isn 't the kind of guy you can find at Border 's ( not that I shop there ) and there were a few little stores that just didn 't have the room to carry everything ( though they were very nice and offered to order the CD for me ) . For the first time in my life I was aware of the fact that I was in a place that didn 't have a music store . And then it hit me , the detriment that these big box chain stores have wrought on American life . Now , I 'm not about to go off on some rant about how fucked up corporate America is , but I will say that I felt this heavy sense of tragedy as I walked away empty handed . I think we 've lost that feeling of non - hegemony , of finding these little treasures in the veritable sea of sameness . And for me , that 's why I work where I work for the little money I make . Maybe I 'm helping some kid find solace by pointing them toward " Youth in Revolt " or " The Perks of Being a Wallflower . " Maybe I 'm helping in the same way some nameless salesperson at Amoeba helped me when they showed me The Sex Pistols or A . F . I . When the guy at the comic book store handed me a copy of Watchmen and Superman : Red Son . The way a professor did when he handed me Maus . The way another professor did when he sat and watched Darkwing Duck with me on a weekday afternoon . And I 'm hoping seriously that we haven 't lost that . So I just want to apologize for being so long between emails . If you can 't tell , I 've been rather busy lately . But there are just too many things brewing in my head right now to not take the time to send out one of these emails I know you all love . So seeing as it 's nearly time for the Golden Globes ( and thus my favorite time of year : award show season ) I thought I 'd give my annual predictions and judgments on the movies of 2009 . So here we go : This is an odd category this year . There is no front runner for best writing . I think that Up in the Air might take this or perhaps Inglorious Basterds ( just to throw Tarantino a bone ) . I also think that ( 500 ) Days of Summer should be in there , but I 'm not sure it will be . I won 't count out Nick Hornby for An Education as well , Hollywood loves to show it 's appreciation for novelists by giving them Oscars whenever possible ( see John Irving ) . Also , Disney 's Up was a fabulously written movie that deserves some credit here , but I 'm thinking Up in the Air is going to take it . I would put my money on James Cameron for Avatar or Jason Reitman for Up in the Air . Basically , James Cameron just dedicated four years to Avatar and it 's made $ 450 million domestically , but he won a best director oscar for Titanic many years ago . I could see the academy welcoming Jason Reitman for the three great movies he has made ( Thank You for Smoking , Juno and now , Up in the Air ) by giving him a little golden statue . My long shot guess would be Tarantino as he has never won a directing statue ( and maybe should have for Pulp Fiction ) . But if he wins best screenplay he won 't win best director . Now here 's a freaking category . There are AMAZING performances in this category so really it 's anyone 's game . Of course , this is Hollywood and it 's never anyone 's game . I think Mo ' nique is going to take home the statue for Precious . She 's a comedian that took on this very very dark , very awful person and made her a person . You certainly don 't like her in the movie , but she 's a person and in a weird , f - ed up way you understand her , even if you know she 's horrible . However , the ladies of Up in the Air were both amazing Vera Farmiga as Clooney 's love interest and Anna Kendrick as his younger protege completed the emotional texture of the movie . They were great . I don 't think Penelope Cruz will win for Nine , though she is great in it . But I think Julieanne Moore could upset for A Simple Man , she 's never won an Oscar and is due up for one . I think this is going to be Jeff Bridges year . He is amazing in Crazy Heart ( go see it if you haven 't already ) . I also think Clooney might get this one for Up in the Air . The whole movie rode on his shoulders and he doesn 't have a Best Actor oscar ( just best supporting ) so I could see it going to him . Also , I never discount the Academy 's love of Daniel Day - Lewis . He 's great in Nine , but I still think we 're going to see a Clooney / Bridges showdown . I 'm going with a pretty much lock on Gabourey Sidibe for Precious . She was absolutely freaking amazing in that movie and it was a great movie ( not to sad for the subject matter it dealt with ) pretty much thanks to her and her alone . However , I could see a Sandra Bullock upset for The Blind Side ( as this might be her one shot at Oscar Glory ) and I could see a Meryl Streep upset for Julie and Julia ( remember she hasn 't won an Oscar in a very very long time , though she is nominated for pretty much every role she plays … this will be number 16 , I think ) . I think Marion Cotillard will be nominated for Nine , as she was wonderful , but I don 't think she 'll win ( she just won two years ago ) and I think that Emily Blunt may be nominated for The Young Victoria , just to show that she 's a great actress to watch out for ( this happened with Amy Adams when she was nominated for Junebug a few years ago ) . The other big upset I could see comes from Carey Mulligan in An Education . She was simply fantastic in that movie and played a young girl with a sense of savvy who was too naive to see how naive she was . So good . This one is going to be a race . There are 10 different movies that will be nominated this year ( as a way for the Academy to appeal to a larger viewing audience ) , so the boat is going to rock a bit . Now , personally I 'm happy about this because ( 500 ) Days of Summer , which normally wouldn 't have had an eyelash batted its way , has a fighting chance for a nomination , if not the big prize . I 'll say that it is my favorite movie of the year . As for winners , however , I think Avatar has a fighting chance , as it is a huge blockbuster and basically just changed hollywood for good ( again James Cameron ? once wasn 't enough ) . However , I think the winner is going to be one of the smaller movies that no one expects . Crazy Heart could take it , Precious is definitely a front - runner , and The Hurt Locker seems to be gaining momentum in this race . I also think that Up in the Air might be the actual front - runner . It 's a great movie , but it 's also very timely ( i . e . it wouldn 't work at any other time in any other economic environment ) . I think this one will end up winning . Other things to look out for : Ryan Bingham will win for best song from Crazy Heart . Best Foreign I 'm voting for Pedro Almodovar 's Broken Embraces . And lastly , what the fuck is going to happen with 10 Best Picture nominees ? People often ask me , as an employee of an Independent Bookstore , what I feel about the Kindle . I actually don 't really care about the Kindle . I don 't really believe that the Kindle threatens sales at my book store all that much . In fact , I think that Borders and Barnes and Noble are the book stores that should be threatened by the Kindle . Generally speaking , people who shop at independent book stores actually like to read actual books , and books that are not available in e format . Recently also , my mother has asked me about the future of publishing , specifically , is there a future in publishing ? I work in a business that , like the music business , has fallen victim to the internet , downloading , piracy , etc . And I will freely admit that I have written about the downfall of the music business . Again , I will argue , that ( this year especially ) the quality of books being written is absolutely amazing , whereas the quality of popular music continues to decline sharply . That being said , I find it interesting that the music business has some hope , and maybe that hope translates to books . A few days ago I read this article in the New York Times about the resurgence of vinyl and it sparked something in me . Now , perhaps this has something to do with the fact that I bought my first turntable a few months ago ( my parents have one , but I 've never had my own ) , or perhaps it has to do with the phase I went through as a young punk when I wouldn 't buy older punk music on cd because it was meant to be played on vinyl . In any case , in the past few years , as I 've kept up with my generation by buying cds and downloading music from iTunes , it has be come clear to me that records sound different . This battle is occurring in the film industry as well as the battle between film and digital video takes shape . The truth of the matter is that film looks better and vinyl sounds better . There 's a richness to both media that is just not present in an mp3 , on an HD digital video ( I personally detest HD because I hate seeing people 's makeup , give me grainy pictures back , please ) . The NYT article argues that it is passion for our roots that drive us toward vinyl , but I think it 's different than that . I think that people are hanging on to the full experience of an album with liner notes and artwork , not just a digital picture on our iPod after downloading and album onto it . To me it seems foolish to say that digital movies , music , books , etc are just a passing fad . Obviously they are a part of the commercial realm now , but it seems equally ignorant to presume that with the iPod , video online , and the kindle are going to monopolize the industries that they reside in . Technology moves forward , but the need for content hasn 't yet gone away , nor , do I think , will it ever go away . Because the one thing that is true through all of these speculations about the death of these industries is that people still want to consume entertainment , perhaps more than they 've ever wanted to consume entertainment before . My favorite place to eat in Los Angeles is this little retro diner about three blocks from my house . There is weird artwork on the walls , sixties green and orange booths and neo - retro light fixtures hang from the ceiling . They serve good coffee and good food and they have a big real - wood counter that I usually sit at with my book . The diner is three blocks away from my house , so I can walk there , but the best part is that they play good music . On Saturday afternoon , I found myself in Fred 62 ( my diner ) , eating their awesome granola and drinking coffee . I had just bought Miss Lonelyhearts / The Day of the Locust by Nathaniel West and was reading different parts of the book ( I have literary ADD and can 't just read a book from the start , but have to skip around and look at the chapters , the introduction , the afterword , etc ) , in the background , music from my adolscence came through the speakers . I knew all the words to every song that played as I sat there . I 'm young , coming up on my 26th birthday , but I 'm not that young . I 'm to a point in life where I 've actually lived a little bit . This week , I will add , was also the 25th birthday of my best friend , who , I realized , I 've known for a decade now . What I realized while sitting in that hipster diner and listening to my past , was that I felt comfortable with having a past . There was a comfort that came along with knowing someone for a decade , or knowing all the words to The Goo Goo Dolls , Pearl Jam , The Gin Blossoms , etc . There was a comfort to knowing I didn 't have a grudge against anyone , I hadn 't cut anyone out of my life because of some perceived hurt . I guess this all started coming up as the 1989 , 20 year anniversary celebrations started . The 20th anniversary of the Loma Prieta earthquake ( which I certainly remember ) , the 20th anniversary of the falling of the Berlin Wall , the 20th anniversary of the Exxon spill . All vivid memories of mine the solidly placed my life in the context of global events . And I find comfort in that . I find comfort in comparing myself to the span of history , to my own little experience , cut out of the largess of human experience in general . I miss music videos . There was a good five year period where I feel like my whole life revolved around watching music videos . I remember days home from school where I 'd order pizza and watch MTV for hours , the same rotation of music videos over and over again . I 'm fairly certain this is where my love of movies came from ; one can 't watch the Spike Jonze video for Sabotage as many times as I have and not have an innate appreciation for cinema . In fact , there are certain songs that I remember specifically by the music video and every time I hear those songs , the video flashes in my head . I can 't even remember the song that goes along with the mentos / foo fighters video , but I certainly remember the video . About a year ago someone showed me the single ladies music video on youtube and something started niggling at the back of my mind . I 'm admittedly very bad with new and popular music ( I 've never had much of a tolerance for popular music , with the exception of Nirvana ) , instead I have some ridiculous penchant for finding music that was popular approximately 20 - 30 years ago , or for music that not many people like . So when I saw the Beyonce video , not only had I never heard the song ( which I will admit I like ) but I found it completely ridiculous that I was forced to watch it on a 3 ″ screen with crappy resolution . Really , what this seemingly innocuous occurrence did was made me realize how ridiculous the music video market has become . I don 't want to sound like one of those twentysomethings who talks incessantly about how much better things were when I was a kid because I don 't actually believe that they were wholly better , but I have to say , there was something awesome about the music videos of the early 90s . For huge chunks of time throughout the day you could watch / listen to non - stop music . There were whole shows dedicated to certain genres of this music ( Yo ! MTV Raps for instance ) and of course when I got home from school everyday there was Total Request Live . As I said before , I 've never been thNovember 7 , 2009 Posted by jcalla | It 's an inevitable question . When you meet new people , when you get closer to people you already know , the question of family or more specifically siblings always arises . And as an only child , there 's this look that I always get when I give up that information . It 's a kind of knowing look with a dash of skepticism tossed in on the side . A look that says something along the lines of , ' oh , you 're one of those ? ' Because there is this stigma associated with only children , that somehow we 're the ones throwing fits on the sidewalk , kicking and screaming into adulthood , unable to do anything without our parents . And maybe , in a way , that can be true . I don 't know that I 'm necessarily an all about me person ( though maybe this email that 's all about me will beg to differ ) , but I certainly am not someone who can 't see how my behavior effects the people around me . Being an only child is an odd sort of thing . On the one hand , I was certainly able to do things that other people weren 't able to do because my parents only had me to support , but there are all these other events that siblings get to be and do together . The other inevitable question when it has been established that I am an only child is , ' did you ever want a sibling ? ' The answer , not so straightforward , is sometimes . There were times when I would create siblings in my head , tell my friends at school that I had sisters and brothers ( usually they were friends that didn 't go to the same school ) and found myself in embarrassing situations when my school friends came over and realized that I did not , in fact , have any siblings . On the other hand , I liked having to worry only about myself , I liked the fact that I had undivided attention when my parents came home from work , and I still love the fact that my parents were able to pay for college and send me to London and a million other things I 'm sure I don 't know about because they weren 't ones to rub their good deeds in , but they also did not have another child to support . At the same time , in a way , I wasn 't an only child at all . As one of 13 - 15 cousins ( I 've lost track of how many there are now ) , there were always kids around . Family time , which was often , came with anywhere from 2 - ? ? ? ? children running around , shooting nerf guns at each other , playing basketball or Tetris or hearts . We sometimes fought like siblings , we loved each other like siblings ( and still do ) , we may not have had to live together but to me , they were my siblings . And what I lacked in cousins , I made up for in only children friends , some of whom ( ahem , Jesse ) I still consider my family . But last month , as I attended the funeral of a friend of my grandmother 's I was slapped in the face with a realization about only childness . I watched as Mrs . Carroll 's children consoled each other and a kind of panic washed over me . I am an only child . And as an only child there are a few things that I must weather alone . Until I saw the warmth that passed through the siblings as they said good - bye to their mother , I had never thought of the burden of the only child . It 's not just that we must lose our parents alone , that we don 't have brothers or sisters to know our pain so acutely that we don 't even need words to share in the hurt , but we also have to bear the burden of parental pride . It 's our sole burden , and priviledge , to make our parents proud . We have to do it because no one else is going to . We don 't have the option of failure . We don 't have the luxury of passing our ailing parent 's healthcare to our siblings ( not that having siblings means that this is inevitable , but it is an option ) . In a few ways , in a few situations , we , as only children , are simply alone . I 'm not saying that I would trade being an only child for anything , I wouldn 't . I 'm not saying that there aren 't friends and family , as I have plenty of both , but in a way , there is a kind of solitude that comes along with being the only child . Starting from the solitude of an empty house after school and working through the more vexing solitudes that life throws everyone 's way , the only child is not just spoiled or bratty ( though we know we all can be both ) , but is a fully rounded person unworthy of the skeptical looks and knowing eyebrow raises . And though I , as an only child , am able to straddle the line of both solitude and immense socialization ( can 't come from a family of 30 + and not know how to interact with people ) , I still carry the burden as well . I love the advent of television on the internet . Speaking as someone who definitely has scheduled an entire school curriculum around when television shows air , I love the newfound freedom that television on the internet ( and TiVo ) has afforded me . I love the fact that while plugging away at filing what seems like sometimes endless amounts of paperwork , I can catch up on The Office or 30 Rock , on Gossip Girl or 90210 . I love that I can download Glee to my iPod for $ 1 . 99 and watch it on the bus on my way to work . When I was in college , I would choose 8 : 00 AM section over 8 : 00 PM because the night time sections always interfered with my TV shows . I would get calls from my roommates , panicked that they weren 't going to be home in time for Dawson 's Creek or Gilmore Girls , and requesting that a video tape ( remember those ? ) be put in to record the show . Ah , aren 't we glad those days are behind us ? Working until 11 : 00 PM ? No sweat , I 'll watch my TV tomorrow , or this weekend . I 'm hearing so much about Mad Men , but am now three seasons behind ? Whatevs , I 'll catch in on DVD . But even with these great innovations , I find that there is something missing . Last Wednesday I went over to my old roommates new house . We had dinner , played a little Beatles Rock Band ( which I love , even though I can 't stand the Beatles … please , do not email me about that assertion , I know what you all are thinking ) , and watched Glee . Whether or not you like Glee ( and I 'm judging you if you don 't ) , whether or not this sounds like a great way to spend an evening , I realized what , exactly , was missing from my TV on the internet : the social aspect of watching television ( I can hear my mother groaning right now ) . At a time when good television is better than it 's ever been , I find it sad that the way I watch TV the most is huddled at my desk with a pair of headphones on , suppressing my chuckles , blinking back tears , and trying not to make any gasping noises when something particularly shocking happens . And I 'll admit it freely , I miss watching TV with people . I miss commenting on wardrobe : ' what is that outfit ? ' was a refrain often heard in my various apartments in college . I miss sharing the joys , the pain , the laugter and the ridiculousness of some stupid television show that you just can 't get enough of with other people who can 't get enough of it . For me , coming from a group of TV friends who are as passionate , if not moreso , than I , it is hard to quiet down and just watch . It 's hard not to react , not to reach out to others . Much like in life , Television begs human contact , some sort of consensus must be reached about character arcs and plotlines , about wardrobe and hair . I mean , people used to knock on our dorm room door because we reacted so loudly they thought there was something wrong , people heard us yelling from down the street outside apartments and houses as we wondered why certain fictional characters were behaving as they were . Now we 're relegated to text messaging or instant messaging one another : ' I love chuck and blair , ' isn 't as satisfying as a face to face conversation about the merits of a relationship that is doomed not to work out . I 'm realizing as I write this , that I don 't just miss the missed opportunity for communication , and I will say that often television is a way to open up about crap that 's happened to you , even if it 's just putting your two cents in on a situation that you 've experienced ( can 't argue that one mom , how many discussions about drugs and sex did we have after an episode of 90210 ? A Lot ! ) , but I miss the socialization . I miss the fact that every Thursday for three years , my friends and I found a way to get together and watch The O . C . That every Thursday in our house meant fish tacos and margaritas , or one of our pizza delivering friends would bring pizza and beer . I miss that 20 minutes prior to a show when people just started arriving at our house , that the TV show was a way to keep up with friends , a way to continue the bond that may have been left in the library or at the roadside of endless reading . I miss that many of my friendships now could use a little jump start from a weekly TV watching party . Even if it 's just two or three people on a couch , the bondedness of experiencing a show together , laughing together , crying together , commentating together is going away . And I miss it . First off , I live in a near constant fear that someone I don 't want to talk to is going to try and friend me ( ahem , certain ex - uncles I have no care to chat with ) , and I 'm going to have to ignore them , then run into them randomly and have them be pissed at me ( don 't you wish you could be inside my head ? ) . Then , of course , is the fear of the people I try to ignore whenever I 'm in Santa Cruz . But mostly , my stress comes from the constant pressure of the updates . That 's right , I said it , the updates raise my blood pressure . I mean , come on , they have to be funny and provocative , interesting yet not completely telling , and most of all , they have to be short . And I 'm not going to lie , I check to see how many people have ' liked ' my posts , how many people have commented . Not to mention the fact that I can get all this on my blackberry , so I can check on things like this . So , one might ask , why the hell would I want to subject myself to this ? Well , my brits did guilt me into joining . I 'm certain the phrase , ' we could keep in touch better if you joined facebook , ' was used once or twice , but really the fascinating and shocking ( to me ) thing is , I actually do like Facebook . I like being able to keep up with my friends and family without having to talk on the phone ( because I really hate talking on the phone ) and I like seeing people 's pictures , reading funny updates . I like the political debates that rage on different posts . I like hearing what everyone is up to on a regular basis . For all it 's merits though , I think the Facebook / MySpace phenomenon begs the question , what did we do before this ? I mean , I definitely talked on the phone in high school , but not any more than I do now . Did we just not know what was going on in everybody 's day to day life ? Do we need to know that now ? I 'm guess I 'm wondering , did we have more friends or less ? Did we really know more people and now we just kind of know them , or did we know just as many people , but not as well ? The thing about Facebook is it 's a censored version of yourself . I mean , we don 't get to go on there and say , ' man , I had a crazy night . Got drunk , did something stupid with someone I didn 't know , crazy night . ' or ' God , that was some good weed ! ' Our families get those updates , our parents , our aunts , our cousins . No one needs to know things like that . I don 't even tell my friends things like that . At the same time , I think that Facebook affords us a look into the people around us . We get to hear about their day ( whatever part they choose to share ) , we get to hear about the random thoughts that appear in their heads , about the issues they choose to share . And maybe that speaks more than anything else can . Maybe just the feeling of being more connected is more important than whether we 're actually connected or not . Leave a comment « Previous Entries All About Me , Kinda Hey . I 'm Julia . I live in Los Angeles and I want to be a writer , just like half the people in Los Angeles . Maybe it 'll happen someday ; one can only hope , but I guess that 's all contingent on whether or not I have talent . So let me know what you think of my little rants . And if you have the power to pay me to write … I 'm a motivated , enthusiastic and organized person who would be perfect for whatever written word needs you may have .
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Housework and I do not make a happy couple . I say this after walking through the house and estimating the amount of dust to be roughly equivalent to the Sahara desert . Give or take a bucket or two . Then I looked through the window out onto the grey skies and noticed that some rogue bird had been doing target parctice and had decorated the glass with gently cascading poop . A new touch of elegance . One I can do without . So I sighed and sat down at the computer like all intelligent people . Maybe if I wear sunglasses indoors no - one else will notice . Note to all local people : 1 . There is dust . So what . I am not sneezing yet . 2 . It is cold because I am not switching on the heating , so wear fleeces if you are contemplating visiting . 3 . I do make coffee or tea . That will warm you up . I actually picked up the remote control this morning , and then looked in horror at the clean patch where it had been lying . What do you think I did ? Huh ? Well , I could have grabbed the polish and duster immediately . I should have . Or grabbed the magic dusting mitten . But that was upstairs . So I very gently put the remote back in exactly the same place . And left the room . You can tell I am all fired up and ready to leap into things around here , can 't you ? Exactly . There is more to life than a clean house . That is my motto . Along with the old ones : Etc . Last year , in October , I joined in with the Nesters 's 31 day challenge , and it was great fun . I did 31 Days of Memories . I made the commitment to post every day for the month of October , along with hundreds of others around the globe . I have been thinking about this October . I see many of you are joining in , and I am going to do so too , but I am not linking because I can 't remember how to do the button thing , and Hello , David , answering your mother 's attempts at contact would be splendid now and then . And also , I am quite happy to try to do it again here . There is the picture issue which I am still trying to sort out and also the topic . It will be 31 Days of Something , but I am not sure what yet . Pop over to the Nester and check it out . Monday should be a stellar day for blogs so link up to join in with the bloggy fun ! Monday has rolled around again , bringing with it torrential rain and definitely winter - like temps . We seem to be skipping Autumn entirely and are heading for the cold . So , I have been buried under the blankets snoozing . Hibernating . Yes . Hibernating . I have had a couple of appalling leg weeks but I don 't want to talk about that . It just makes sitting at the computer difficult . Make that sitting , standing , walking , sleeping , anything . You have no idea . However , I am still alive , if not kicking . And the leg is still not working , but the brain is a little bit . And we don 't need legs here now , do we . Right . I want to talk about Christmas . About children . About the way people make messes of things . About blankets . About gifts . About windfall apple cakes . About kind words . About . . . . . . . . . . But they all require me to think and I am not doing well in the thinking department either . That is why I picked up the crochet hook , a few balls of wool from the giant stash ( the wool stash , as opposed to the fabric stash . ) ( There are two . ) ( And a scrapbook supply stash . ) And started another ripple blanket . I can just ripple away and I can put it down , pick it up and unravel to correct mistakes . Crochet projects are very forgiving , aren 't they ? They are . Thank the Good Lord . There has been a good deal of unravelling going on around here in the past 2 days , believe me . I have just been on Facebook and my friend Dawn , from Call me Grandma Dawn 's husband is critically ill in hospital . They need your prayers , people . Urgently . So if you can , please pray for his healing , her strength and everything else you can think of . That has focused the mind . I have been talking to her on messenger on Facebook and she is struggling . The disbelief that it is all happening so fast . From not well to critically ill in ICU . And then there is the dilemma of what to say . How to help . This is familiar territory , and she knows that . I just told her I was there , with Geoff . All the time . Nothing else matters right now . She just needs to be there . I also told her to say everything in her heart right now . Say the words . He will hear them . On that awful night , I just talked to Geoff almost non stop for all those hours . How many ? I can 't remember , but 4 or 5 . All the things I wanted to say , didn 't want left unsaid . I believe he heard me . He knew . Believe me , he probably wanted me to stop talking and give him some peace and quiet . I , however , needed to speak . And I am so glad I did . Had he recovered , I am quite sure he would have known exactly what I had said , and that would have been great . I just pray Dwight recovers and remembers all the things Dawn is telling him right this minute . My friends , never - NEVER leave anything unsaid . Not today , tomorrow , the next day . Say the words . Just keep saying them . That way you will never be in the position of regretting the fact that you didn 't say them . Nothing could be worse . It has been a while . Well , a few days . Isn 't it easy to get out of the habit of writing ? The longer I stay away from the blog , the easier it becomes to let it go . And there are times when I am so tempted to do just that . Or start another one . Or something . My head hurts . According to the BBC this morning , taking too many painkillers can induce headaches . Somehow I don 't think that applies to me , but just to be certain , I started lowering the number I have to take each day slowly . On to more cheerful things . I have made the bunting " In PINK , Moreglanny ! " for the smallest one in the family . That was fun . It was just a couple of 3m lengths and a 2m length , so it went very quickly . It quite took me by surprise after the many hundreds of miles I have been doing in recent months . 8 metres ? Pah . A doddle . So that can be ticked off the list . AND the good thing is that all the fabric came from the stash . Not that you would notice any holes in the piles , of course . I jammed it all into those shelves so tightly that I would have to sew about 10 miles of bunting to notice any gaps . But it is a start . Next on the list is crocheted stars . " In PINK , Moreglanny ! " Right . PINK . I have the message loud and clear , Missy ! Thank heavens there is a while before Christmas yet . Has anyone amassed their Christmas gift collection yet ? Has anyone started making things yet ? September is always the time I start to think about what I am making and this year is no different . There are so many great ideas out there . My Pinterest boards are bulging , and my bookmarked blogs are overflowing from the bookmark list , and my head is full of bits of each of them and now I can 't think straight . David is settled in at uni and seems quite at home , if the Skype conversations are any indicators . His course starts next week , and that is when he will meet all the others doing the same Master 's course with him . He is so close to the sea - I think he is going to love being able to walk down to the waterfront as often as he likes and just breathe in all that sea air . Until we moved here in 1990 , I had always lived near the sea . Cape Town , in South Africa , and Plymouth in Devon . I still love being near the ocean . I love the feel of real sand between my toes . Sitting on a rock and watching the waves roll in . My grandparents used to go on drives in the afternoon , in Cape Town , and always ended up parked in Sea Point , or Bantry Bay , watching the sea . I don 't remember them getting out of the car much , but they used to sit and watch the rollers coming in , and the ships anchored in Table Bay , waiting for pilots or a spot in the harbour . Having said that I have not lived near the sea since 1990 , at times I forget that I spent some time on the ships with Geoff and the children when we could , over school holidays . The sea is not the same when you are floating about on it , however . It is seen from a different perspective . I think there is a certain magic in being on the shore , and watching the tides move . In New Zealand , I used to get up really early , and go and sit on a rock and watch the sea there too - and the sun rising over the ocean is truly beautiful . Or setting . . In England , I miss the mountains even more than the sea . The solidity of them . Towering peaks . Shadows of immovable rock . The sense of direction you learn from knowing the mountains . But at least I get to be in the mountains in Switzerland . And Switzerland has the lakes too , of course . Water . Mountains . It is good . The mix . Ok . Help . I have reached the limits of my free Blogger picture space . Charming . A friend has told me she uses Flickr to upload photos . So my question to everyone else is this - what do you do ? I seem to remember Vee talking about this a long time ago , and I merrily carried on my own way and didn 't listen much because I had plenty of space . Oh , foolish me . I do not fancy paying a couple of dollars a month with all the resultant conversion costs which I don 't want to think about because my head will hurt more . Why on earth can 't we pay an annual fixed small sum ? Maybe I will just start another blog on Wordpress or Typepad . Or think about finding out how to have my own domain . Because I do not want limits . So any suggestions and I will be so pleased , I may even try some . Mind you , I opened up Picasa and nearly had a heart attack when I saw it uploading everything on my computer . No ! Stop it ! So at 12 . 30 am I was googling how to stop it doing it and so , it appeared was half the universe because heaven knows there were a great many similar queries , and a great many frustrated people out there . And while we are talking about " things " let me tell you that wireless printers are dead to me too . Bring back long dusty cables . My old printer had a cable . I clicked on print , and it whirred into life . Well , it may have creaked and groaned a bit , but it did get up to speed eventually , when it had ink in it . This new one ? Hah . Click on " print " . It stays silent and " offline " . So after much uninstalling and re - installing by the resident geek , the son , it works . But only if you click " print " and then click on go off line and then unclick it again and then click on something else and I can tell you , its days are numbered . Bring back cables , I say . Dusty and long and a pain to shift around . But they worked . I will be hooking my printer up to something . It may be a flagpole . We seem to be a trifle technologically challenged today . Put it down to the attic dust . David and I ( well , David mostly ) got the last of the boxes into the attic with some toys and bed slats , and sundry other things . The attic is now full , but the Christmas boxes ( half the attic ) are now in line next to the hole , so will be ready to be taken down once December rolls around . Other seasons have been banished to the far corners of the attic . I dream of organised rows of plastic boxes all labelled and easy to find . Not in this house , sadly . The boxes are plastic and that is about as far as we go at the moment . And then I tried to fix his favourite Tshirts which are decades old too and in total disrepair . This was not a successful endeavour . Ripped holes under the arms - not along any seam , are not fixable and wearable . He can leave those here for when he comes home . The lab coat poppers - well , I used velcro instead . And wrecked 2 needles in the process . Tick another box . Not many left to tick now . Nor much time . I forgot , during my relating of the garden woes of 2012 , that my gem squash have thrived . More than thrived . I have a bumper harvest . This pleases me ( and Glynis and Peter ) hugely , as we are all great fans from our South African upbringing . See ? There is always something to be thankful for . The butternuts are slowly emerging as well , so I have high hopes for them . Yes , Vee - we have wonderful gardening programmes on TV . I love them . We were advised back in the days of water restrictions , to plant a garden for drought . So some did , and nothing grew because drought loving plants do not like rivers of the wet stuff day after day . And some , like me , planted things which I thought I could manage to control like the godetia , which grew 3ft , searching for the missing sun , instead of cascading gently over the edge of the pot in glorious abundance like last year . And then as soon as the flowers started opening - eventually - the long tall stalks keeled over and lay down like sticks . Sigh . The hanging baskets did the same . They failed to grow , never mind cascade . My garden usually has a lot of cosmos in it . Some I grow from seed and plant out when bigger , and some grow in the ground from seeds which fell last autumn . Well . The ones which spring up in the garden have reached the dizzy height of about a foot and have one measly little flower on their very fragile stems , and the ones I grew from seed are 15ft tall and have only been flowering for the past month . And there you see the problem . It is all wonky . But that is the nature ( hahaha ) of gardening , isn 't it - and the roses have been beautiful . There is s distinct chill to the air this morning - it feels like Autumn . I love the autumn . In fact , I think I love all the seasons for wildly differing reasons . Autumn , though , with the shorter days and golden colours warms me . There is still a whole lot of cooking and freezing to do as the apples start piling up , and crumbles to dream about as I smell cinnamon and start planning slow cooker meals in my head . Gone are the cooler colours of summer which I had in the house , and now we have the oranges , the russets and the chocolate browns , and out have come the crocheted blankets and little acorn people and if the sun happens to sine through the windows , it creates a glow . I love it . I am amazed by how many orange or autumnal bits I have to play with . I have a basket out waiting for inspiration to strike and my mind is turning to crochet , sewing , quilts , scarves - cool weather pursuits . Books too . There are so many I want to read and all we lack around here is the ability to remember what we read in order to follow a plot . Maybe I should go and play with my Amazon basket again , and remember to include the things I need . Not want ! Like printer ink , for goodness sake . I keep forgetting it . Amazon means books to me . I have no idea why I am talking about ink . . . . . . There is another pot of tomato / onion relish bubbling on the stove . The tomatoes had given up waiting and were about to decompose , so it had to be done . It reminds me of my grandmother . And 11 apples are off the tree too . Their neighbours had already started rotting , so it was time . I started writing this post at 4pm . I thought it was 1pm . And now it is 7 . 30pm . This is all totally useless chatter , but just so you know the brain is clearly addled already before I start on anything else . I seem to have lost all conception of time . We have had a sort of Indian summer and now it is nearly over , I have decided that the garden can fend for itself . Mostly . The beans and tomatoes will still be watered but I have given up on the rest . So the summer garden is , for me , over for another year . Yes , I know it is just September , but somehow , this year has not been the year of the garden . Anything but . Not for want of trying , though . I did all the right things , but Mother Nature didn 't oblige . Hmm . I sound like a seasoned farmer with acres to watch over . It feels the same though . Part of me feels that I failed this year , and the other logical part says don 't be ridiculous . Everyone had the same problem . I do have a freezer full of beans and tomato and onion relish though , so we can , at least tick that box , and the apples will be ready very soon . Actually , my friend with the orchard tells me that the apples have started dropping , so maybe I will go and get a couple of bags full to cook and freeze and then I will feel a great deal better about 2012 in the garden . I have been going to my aquarobics and aquazumba classes every week , and I still love them . I have to say that my leg has been a huge challenge and on days like yesterday , I got home from the gym and sat in the rocking chair for the rest of the day . There are 28 steps to the top level where the changing rooms are , and 28 more down to the pool and back up and then down again . And today , when I went to Glynis and Peter 's place to let their dogs out , I fell asleep on their couch for an hour . I do not like feeling week and feeble , but hey , that is the way things go , so I am slowing down drastically and sleeping . It hurts , dammit . And pain , as we all know , is exhausting . So here I am . Family fed , dishwasher running , and nothing on TV to watch yet . It is the 9th day of September , and I , like everyone else , think back to that terrible , terrible day in 2001 , and I just know that I will never forget it . Nor should we . It is a day which changed the world . And subsequently , so many have died in an attempt tMy mind is dancing about again - from Andy Murray 's amazing win at the US Open - tennis - yesterday . A miracle . We thought no Brit would do it - it is 76 years since the last MAN ( not woman - they have won majors since then . Thanks , Isabelle ! ) won a major - and he has proven us wrong . Well done , Andy - this seals an amazing sporting summer of triumph for the British , and it has lifted spirits here amazingly . Back to the mind - to ways of pain control . To things I need to make for Christmas gifts if the body , hands and sewing machine combine to work in harmony , of course . I have Ideas . Thanks to Pinterest and tossing scraps of fabric in my hands and deciding whether or not to keep them . My granddaughter wants pink bunting for her bedroom , and crocheted stars . In pink . She is in the pink stage , and more girly and blingy than I could have imagined and I love it all . I can do pink . I should be flying to France to a wedding tomorrow or the next day , but the leg is not working , and my head is bursting , and skin is crawling , and gee , life is just peachy around here . I want to be there . But how do I drag the leg there . I need one of those teleporting things from Star Trek ( Beam me up , Scottie ) so will someone please invent one immediately for me . I am now going to download ? Upload ? all my photos from the camera , and make some more coffee . And maybe I will stay awake long enough to pop around and visit you all . Please excuse my lack of comments - sitting in one place for long is not an option at the moment . But tomorrow will be better , I am sure . And I a , really looking forward to reading about all your exciting lives , so make sure there is something exciting out there , if you please . I will be back . . . . . . . . . . . . Actually , it is not so much time as a distinct reluctance to post anything I may have written . Plenty has been written , believe me . Thank the Good Lord a Canadian friend voiced what I , and , it appears , so very many friends around the globe , including the USA , have been thinking re the appalling vitriol which is spewing out over the Internet waves about the US election . Specifically on Facebook . By some of our Christian friends . It has saddened me immensely , and has left me incapable of rational / coherent thought here . That is , I may well have posted what I wanted to say and that , I know from long and bitter experience , could have unleashed the hounds of hell . However , what I will say is this . We are all unique . We are all individuals . We all have our own opinions . We are all entitled to freedom of speech . Freedom of thought . We are all intelligent adults . We are all entitled to respect . And hopefully , we all pray for our leaders , whoever they may be . And we are still friends , despite any differences . Maybe because of those differences . Differences make the world interesting . Now , before my American friends think that I may not know or understand what is happening in the USA , let me just say that I have always followed American politics and news . I read widely . I check out different opinions . I know how to follow exactly what is happening in Congress and the Senate . I read BOTH sides of the House . I love facts . I hunt them down . Politicians intrigue me . You see , I come from a country where politics WAS our life . It shaped who I am , and I have been in the midst of real political strife , where there was a very real danger present . I have written about that time before , I think . I now live in a country where all my friends have very diverse political opinions , and we laugh and tease each other , we may campaign for opposing parties , we discuss things at length , disagree vehemently and , guess what . . . . . . . . . . . . we walk away friends . We may even persuade each other to change our minds . Miracles happen . Here in the UK , we live under incredibly tough austerity measures right now , and we all moan loudly , and worry , and boo the Chancellor of the Exchequer when he arrives to hand out medals , and he laughs and keeps going . He knows he has an impossible job . Actually , we know that too . No - one would want his job . We do not like what he makes us do , but no - one would call for his death , or wish him personal ill . It is like when you discipline a child - you don 't tell him / her that he / she is a terrible child . You tell him he did a bad thing . The thing , not the child is the important part . All leaders globally , who took office after the banks wrecked the global economy and forced everyone in the world into appalling austerity measures , took on what one could call the poisoned chalice . I would not have wanted their job . They had to try to steer huge economies around in a wide U - turn to try to rescue us all . ( Do NOT get me started on the banks though . ) The damage was done , not on their watch , but done , nonetheless , and had to be dealt with one way or another . So , to save our countries , in came austerity measures which every single one of us have to suffer through . They hurt , believe me . Life cannot be what it was for anyone until the books balance . And the poorest hurt the most . I know . Believe me , I know . However , what are the options ? Look at Greece . Spain . Portugal . Ireland . France . And many more . Life is tough , people . Tough . We are all paying . And will go on paying for the rest of our lives , in all probability . We are taxed here way beyond the level most would think . Our VAT ( sales tax ) is 20 % . Our petrol / gas price is the highest in the world currently £ 1 . 39 a litre , and a huge part of that is tax . Bottom income tax rate on individuals is 20 % for earnings effectively over £ 8 , 105 . Earn over £ 34 , 370 , you will pay 40 % tax . And over £ 150 , 000 you will pay 50 % tax . You can check out the tables here if you like . And on top of that , we pay a minimum of a further 12 % in National Insurance ( which covers the National Health Service etc ) . So , we do pay for our free health care system . Most of us live in small houses , and the banks won 't lend to anyone , and . . . . . . . See ? Tough times . We wail and gnash our teeth and wonder if the powers that be understand or know how much it hurts . We count out pennies , pop them in pots and try to get by as best we can . ( I could write a book on frugality and cash economy and cost - cutting austerity measures for families which would make the Chancellor 's budget look like a charming fairy tale . ) And so we get on with it , and produce the best Olympics and Paralympics EVER and we party and cheer and absolutely love the way the sun is finally shining and the way the nation is celebrating and the feats of pure magic we see all day on the TV screen . And forget all about the woes of the economy for a while . There is plenty of laughter and elation about right now . I love it . Knowledge is the key . Facts . Figures . Check . Re - check . I am intensely interested in world affairs , you see . I have been since I was a child , actually . President Kennedy 's assassination was the start and I was just nine . My oldest son inherited the same fascination . Fortunately , our schools definitely taught global geography and history back then . And then I studied world history and politics at university and African History was my second major . My focus was on American History and 20th C politics . The two cannot be separated at all . And the fascination remains to this day . I remember phoning the New Zealand embassy in London once , before the advent of the Internet , because my friend and I could not for the life of us remember the name of their Prime Minister . See ? I love facts . We needed to know . The embassy staff may have thought we were crazy but that is just fine . I have a clear view of different countries and the way they work . Different systems . I can separate the personal feelings from the facts . Even here in the UK . I vote strategically . But there is one thing which worries me a great deal at the moment . Two things . The rights of women . That is key . I am a woman . The other is the erosion of the freedom of choice . That should not be happening in the 21st C , and in no way constitutes progress . Isn 't progress what life is all about ? Freedom of choice . Go here to read the Universal Declaration of Human Rights . It is not my place , or yours , or anyone else 's to judge others . Or their decisions or choices . That is central to my Christian faith . It is not my place . My place is to love . To love even my enemy . To treat everyone as though they were my beloved brother or sister . And by enemy , I am not talking only about warfare . I am referring to the person who cuts in front of you as you drive , the neighbour who campaigns for a different party , the smelly homeless man begging , the mum who always has perfect kids , the team that beats yours . Ordinary people . Bad people . Evil , even . Prime Ministers , Presidents , Nominees , Chancellors , Pastors . I may not like them , but I am commanded to ( try to ) love them . Hey . I am human too . It is tough at times . There may be are plenty of times when I have to remind myself with gritted teeth . Haven 't you ever yelled that at your kids ? " I may not like what you are doing but I still love you " ? ? No ? Am I the only one ? Hmmm . I try to remind myself of how Nelson Mandela has lived his life . That gentleness and love which shines from his face . A remarkable man . I in no way resemble Nelson Mandela . I need to work on that bit . I have no desire to enter politics . Mind you , the pensions and perks are staggering even after just one term , so who knows . I will always be interested in different viewpoints . But civilised discussion or debate is what I love , not mob hysteria . ( I have seen what the very literal interpretation of the words " Mob Hysteria " can do . I come from Africa , remember . ) And should I ever choose to talk about politics in more depth , I will be acting on my right to freedom of speech . Should I comment on foreign politics , ditto . Freedom of opinions . Should I EVER get to the point again where I worry about alienating people who pop over here to visit , who I see as my friends , then I will shut down this blog . I have paced and groaned and moaned and deleted and written and worried and . . . . . . . . . . . . ENOUGH . This is my corner of the Internet . All rights of expression here are mine . Whatever they may be . Whoever may be offended challenged . And you know what ? I don 't mind what any of you say or think - I still love you all , and respect your wildly differing opinions , and will read avidly , no matter which party / ideal you support . Whether or not you choose to write about politics . I am fascinated any way . Morning all - the Paralympic swimming heats are on as I speak so I have one eye on the screen and one ear on the TV . You know how it is . Just so you know , America won 2 golds in the pool last night . Canada one one gold , and NZ bagged a couple of silvers . There were many more , but I was trying to update the world - which - was - not - watching - because - their - TV - bosses - didn 't - think - the - paralympics - were - important . My facebook status feed was a one women commentary . Here is the Medal Table as of this minute . It is changing rapidly . I so wish everyone could see and hear it all . The roar of the capacity crowds is deafening . The excitement is contagious . The flags waving everywhere . And the athletes are outdoing themselves . Just fabulous . I woke up this morning , thinking it was about 6 am . It was 8 . 55am . So we are sauntering slowly through the morning at snail 's pace , because we can . I was so incredibly tired last night that I kept falling asleep wherever I was . Maybe it is all the sport . I am running / swimming / pedalling the races with Team GB and the blood pressure is in Olympic mode . I should be changing the house to Autumn today . In my world . I declare Summer over at the end of August . I go with months . Autumn will be September , October , November . Winter = December , January and February . Spring = March , April , May and Summer = June , July , August . It makes things easier to remember . Actually I had totally forgotten until Peter popped in yesterday and asked when the house would change . Right . I need to think . I may make an exception this year and keep the patriotic / marine stuff out until the Paralympics are over . That seems appropriate . I don 't want to take down the red white and blue bunting outside until it is finished . Technology - the ability to communicate with the big wide world out there with relative ease . I say " relative " only because I have an iffy computer ! Where would we I be without it ? Inspiration . Ideas . Events . Learning . Writing . Teaching . Sharing and more . Fresh vegetables grown in my garden or allotment . I LOVE being able to go out there and gather enough for our supper , and plenty to freeze as well . The little bit of effort in spring and regular watering , and all those seeds I saved from last year produce a plentiful harvest . The apples are next . . . The swimming pool at gym . The laughter and fun we have while doing our aquazumba dances in the water . Being one of the girls and managing all the moves as if there was nothing wrong with the body at all . Being normal . The way hard work makes me first exhausted and then exhilarated . No sign of a Twiggy like figure , but I am feeling fitter , at least . My car . Old though it is , it is high enough for me to get in and out of with ease . It goes . It is comfortable . It gets me where I want to go . That reminds me - I must go this instant and put the new tax disc in the window while I remember it . Done . Hair straighteners , without which I would look like a poodle . Not a desirable look . The written word - whether in book form or as ebooks . I don 't have an eReader yet , but I have downloaded so many free books onto the computer through a Kindle app for computers , and one day , they will be on an eReader too . For now , the computer is great . I can 't tell you how many hours in the evenings I spend trawling through Amazon , playing with books and wish lists and baskets , taking things out , putting them in , saving for later - and I rarely push the button to buy , but I love the playing about . Am I weird ? It is all the possibilities , especially as I have a gift voucher I could spend if I wanted to . I love being able to almost tease myself with all the possibilities . I love books . I love the worlds I enter as I choose . I love knowing there is a pile of books waiting to be read . I can 't pass a book shop . Groan . Yes . I am weird . I have always loved reading , only now it is different . I find reading fiction so difficult because I cannot remember the plot , and yet non - fiction is easier for me . Not to mention all the Chicken Soup books - their stories are just a page or 2 long . Perfect . I will read anything . I just wish I could remember plots . . . . . My camera . Not fancy or smart , or big or complicated . Just small and neat and it does the job , allowing me to capture memories to take out and relive as I please . Digital photography has SO enhanced my days . I want to learn more , and graduate to a big camera one day , but right now , mine is perfect . Peanut Butter KitKat chocolates . DIVINE . The best . At long last I have found a British chocolate I really like ! My sewing machine . Which enables me to make things for my home , my family , my friends . Making things is part of who I am . Creating things is what I love . Add to the sewing machine , the embroidery machine , the cuttlebug , the scroll saw . . . . all tools with which I can make stuff . Gifts . They may all need servicing , but they all go , i love them and I am deeply thankful for each and every one of them . I have a shelf of works in progress ( WIPs ) and UFOs - unfinished objects . And I am thankful for the shelves of fabric awaiting inspirational thoughts too ! I LOVE knowing I have the tools in place . And I love using them . They are not ornaments . I am just sorry my overlocker ( serger ) died after being worked to death . It was the second one I worked into the ground . One day I may have another . It is on The List . My home . Small though it is , it is still home to me and my family . And I love changing things about , . and using simple methods ( and those tools - see # 9 ) ( and inspiration # 1 ) to make it warm and welcoming . People smile when they see me change things about - little things . Home . I could go on , but I just wanted to talk about some of the things I love . Not people , just things which make my life that much better . Easier , more fun . And enable me to feel that I CAN do stuff , achieve things too . Now here is the plan - why don 't you tell me about the ten things which you love too ? I would love to hear your ideas ! I may do this every week , because heaven knows there are way more than 10 things I really love ! I am now off to plot my Rio Paralympics plan to star in some sport or other . Archery ? High jump ? Marathon ? You have a great weekend , wherever you may be ! Especially my beautiful sister . It is her birthday today and I wish I could be there with her right now . She is working today , but I cannot begin to tell you how special she is , how much she is loved by us all and how thankful I will always be to know she is there . For a little sister ( who is taller than me ) ( who is prettier than me ) ( and who was totally annoying as a small girl ) ( who is MUCH smarter than me ) ( who was a trial to live with in my school days ) ( who got to live in my dream place - Switzerland ) she is more than OK . Of all the people in the world , she would still be my first and only choice as a sister . I love you , Marge . Here is a huge hug through the screen for you . { { } } ( Yes . Your sister who is not good with hugs sent you a huge one . You may remind me about this in person soon . ) Oh . . . I am NOT good at playing around with templates and losing things like my " about me " details . Sigh . I am a middle - aged mum living in middle England . My children are grown and have flown the nest - one to the other side of the world , but this is what I raised them to do , after all . Widow , daughter , sister , GRANNY and friend . . . . . I intend having adventures , and celebrating life . The rocking chair is just for resting to catch my breath now and then !
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Housework and I do not make a happy couple . I say this after walking through the house and estimating the amount of dust to be roughly equivalent to the Sahara desert . Give or take a bucket or two . Then I looked through the window out onto the grey skies and noticed that some rogue bird had been doing target parctice and had decorated the glass with gently cascading poop . A new touch of elegance . One I can do without . So I sighed and sat down at the computer like all intelligent people . Maybe if I wear sunglasses indoors no - one else will notice . Note to all local people : 1 . There is dust . So what . I am not sneezing yet . 2 . It is cold because I am not switching on the heating , so wear fleeces if you are contemplating visiting . 3 . I do make coffee or tea . That will warm you up . I actually picked up the remote control this morning , and then looked in horror at the clean patch where it had been lying . What do you think I did ? Huh ? Well , I could have grabbed the polish and duster immediately . I should have . Or grabbed the magic dusting mitten . But that was upstairs . So I very gently put the remote back in exactly the same place . And left the room . You can tell I am all fired up and ready to leap into things around here , can 't you ? Exactly . There is more to life than a clean house . That is my motto . Along with the old ones : Etc . Last year , in October , I joined in with the Nesters 's 31 day challenge , and it was great fun . I did 31 Days of Memories . I made the commitment to post every day for the month of October , along with hundreds of others around the globe . I have been thinking about this October . I see many of you are joining in , and I am going to do so too , but I am not linking because I can 't remember how to do the button thing , and Hello , David , answering your mother 's attempts at contact would be splendid now and then . And also , I am quite happy to try to do it again here . There is the picture issue which I am still trying to sort out and also the topic . It will be 31 Days of Something , but I am not sure what yet . Pop over to the Nester and check it out . Monday should be a stellar day for blogs so link up to join in with the bloggy fun ! Monday has rolled around again , bringing with it torrential rain and definitely winter - like temps . We seem to be skipping Autumn entirely and are heading for the cold . So , I have been buried under the blankets snoozing . Hibernating . Yes . Hibernating . I have had a couple of appalling leg weeks but I don 't want to talk about that . It just makes sitting at the computer difficult . Make that sitting , standing , walking , sleeping , anything . You have no idea . However , I am still alive , if not kicking . And the leg is still not working , but the brain is a little bit . And we don 't need legs here now , do we . Right . I want to talk about Christmas . About children . About the way people make messes of things . About blankets . About gifts . About windfall apple cakes . About kind words . About . . . . . . . . . . But they all require me to think and I am not doing well in the thinking department either . That is why I picked up the crochet hook , a few balls of wool from the giant stash ( the wool stash , as opposed to the fabric stash . ) ( There are two . ) ( And a scrapbook supply stash . ) And started another ripple blanket . I can just ripple away and I can put it down , pick it up and unravel to correct mistakes . Crochet projects are very forgiving , aren 't they ? They are . Thank the Good Lord . There has been a good deal of unravelling going on around here in the past 2 days , believe me . I have just been on Facebook and my friend Dawn , from Call me Grandma Dawn 's husband is critically ill in hospital . They need your prayers , people . Urgently . So if you can , please pray for his healing , her strength and everything else you can think of . That has focused the mind . I have been talking to her on messenger on Facebook and she is struggling . The disbelief that it is all happening so fast . From not well to critically ill in ICU . And then there is the dilemma of what to say . How to help . This is familiar territory , and she knows that . I just told her I was there , with Geoff . All the time . Nothing else matters right now . She just needs to be there . I also told her to say everything in her heart right now . Say the words . He will hear them . On that awful night , I just talked to Geoff almost non stop for all those hours . How many ? I can 't remember , but 4 or 5 . All the things I wanted to say , didn 't want left unsaid . I believe he heard me . He knew . Believe me , he probably wanted me to stop talking and give him some peace and quiet . I , however , needed to speak . And I am so glad I did . Had he recovered , I am quite sure he would have known exactly what I had said , and that would have been great . I just pray Dwight recovers and remembers all the things Dawn is telling him right this minute . My friends , never - NEVER leave anything unsaid . Not today , tomorrow , the next day . Say the words . Just keep saying them . That way you will never be in the position of regretting the fact that you didn 't say them . Nothing could be worse . It has been a while . Well , a few days . Isn 't it easy to get out of the habit of writing ? The longer I stay away from the blog , the easier it becomes to let it go . And there are times when I am so tempted to do just that . Or start another one . Or something . My head hurts . According to the BBC this morning , taking too many painkillers can induce headaches . Somehow I don 't think that applies to me , but just to be certain , I started lowering the number I have to take each day slowly . On to more cheerful things . I have made the bunting " In PINK , Moreglanny ! " for the smallest one in the family . That was fun . It was just a couple of 3m lengths and a 2m length , so it went very quickly . It quite took me by surprise after the many hundreds of miles I have been doing in recent months . 8 metres ? Pah . A doddle . So that can be ticked off the list . AND the good thing is that all the fabric came from the stash . Not that you would notice any holes in the piles , of course . I jammed it all into those shelves so tightly that I would have to sew about 10 miles of bunting to notice any gaps . But it is a start . Next on the list is crocheted stars . " In PINK , Moreglanny ! " Right . PINK . I have the message loud and clear , Missy ! Thank heavens there is a while before Christmas yet . Has anyone amassed their Christmas gift collection yet ? Has anyone started making things yet ? September is always the time I start to think about what I am making and this year is no different . There are so many great ideas out there . My Pinterest boards are bulging , and my bookmarked blogs are overflowing from the bookmark list , and my head is full of bits of each of them and now I can 't think straight . David is settled in at uni and seems quite at home , if the Skype conversations are any indicators . His course starts next week , and that is when he will meet all the others doing the same Master 's course with him . He is so close to the sea - I think he is going to love being able to walk down to the waterfront as often as he likes and just breathe in all that sea air . Until we moved here in 1990 , I had always lived near the sea . Cape Town , in South Africa , and Plymouth in Devon . I still love being near the ocean . I love the feel of real sand between my toes . Sitting on a rock and watching the waves roll in . My grandparents used to go on drives in the afternoon , in Cape Town , and always ended up parked in Sea Point , or Bantry Bay , watching the sea . I don 't remember them getting out of the car much , but they used to sit and watch the rollers coming in , and the ships anchored in Table Bay , waiting for pilots or a spot in the harbour . Having said that I have not lived near the sea since 1990 , at times I forget that I spent some time on the ships with Geoff and the children when we could , over school holidays . The sea is not the same when you are floating about on it , however . It is seen from a different perspective . I think there is a certain magic in being on the shore , and watching the tides move . In New Zealand , I used to get up really early , and go and sit on a rock and watch the sea there too - and the sun rising over the ocean is truly beautiful . Or setting . . In England , I miss the mountains even more than the sea . The solidity of them . Towering peaks . Shadows of immovable rock . The sense of direction you learn from knowing the mountains . But at least I get to be in the mountains in Switzerland . And Switzerland has the lakes too , of course . Water . Mountains . It is good . The mix . Ok . Help . I have reached the limits of my free Blogger picture space . Charming . A friend has told me she uses Flickr to upload photos . So my question to everyone else is this - what do you do ? I seem to remember Vee talking about this a long time ago , and I merrily carried on my own way and didn 't listen much because I had plenty of space . Oh , foolish me . I do not fancy paying a couple of dollars a month with all the resultant conversion costs which I don 't want to think about because my head will hurt more . Why on earth can 't we pay an annual fixed small sum ? Maybe I will just start another blog on Wordpress or Typepad . Or think about finding out how to have my own domain . Because I do not want limits . So any suggestions and I will be so pleased , I may even try some . Mind you , I opened up Picasa and nearly had a heart attack when I saw it uploading everything on my computer . No ! Stop it ! So at 12 . 30 am I was googling how to stop it doing it and so , it appeared was half the universe because heaven knows there were a great many similar queries , and a great many frustrated people out there . And while we are talking about " things " let me tell you that wireless printers are dead to me too . Bring back long dusty cables . My old printer had a cable . I clicked on print , and it whirred into life . Well , it may have creaked and groaned a bit , but it did get up to speed eventually , when it had ink in it . This new one ? Hah . Click on " print " . It stays silent and " offline " . So after much uninstalling and re - installing by the resident geek , the son , it works . But only if you click " print " and then click on go off line and then unclick it again and then click on something else and I can tell you , its days are numbered . Bring back cables , I say . Dusty and long and a pain to shift around . But they worked . I will be hooking my printer up to something . It may be a flagpole . We seem to be a trifle technologically challenged today . Put it down to the attic dust . David and I ( well , David mostly ) got the last of the boxes into the attic with some toys and bed slats , and sundry other things . The attic is now full , but the Christmas boxes ( half the attic ) are now in line next to the hole , so will be ready to be taken down once December rolls around . Other seasons have been banished to the far corners of the attic . I dream of organised rows of plastic boxes all labelled and easy to find . Not in this house , sadly . The boxes are plastic and that is about as far as we go at the moment . And then I tried to fix his favourite Tshirts which are decades old too and in total disrepair . This was not a successful endeavour . Ripped holes under the arms - not along any seam , are not fixable and wearable . He can leave those here for when he comes home . The lab coat poppers - well , I used velcro instead . And wrecked 2 needles in the process . Tick another box . Not many left to tick now . Nor much time . I forgot , during my relating of the garden woes of 2012 , that my gem squash have thrived . More than thrived . I have a bumper harvest . This pleases me ( and Glynis and Peter ) hugely , as we are all great fans from our South African upbringing . See ? There is always something to be thankful for . The butternuts are slowly emerging as well , so I have high hopes for them . Yes , Vee - we have wonderful gardening programmes on TV . I love them . We were advised back in the days of water restrictions , to plant a garden for drought . So some did , and nothing grew because drought loving plants do not like rivers of the wet stuff day after day . And some , like me , planted things which I thought I could manage to control like the godetia , which grew 3ft , searching for the missing sun , instead of cascading gently over the edge of the pot in glorious abundance like last year . And then as soon as the flowers started opening - eventually - the long tall stalks keeled over and lay down like sticks . Sigh . The hanging baskets did the same . They failed to grow , never mind cascade . My garden usually has a lot of cosmos in it . Some I grow from seed and plant out when bigger , and some grow in the ground from seeds which fell last autumn . Well . The ones which spring up in the garden have reached the dizzy height of about a foot and have one measly little flower on their very fragile stems , and the ones I grew from seed are 15ft tall and have only been flowering for the past month . And there you see the problem . It is all wonky . But that is the nature ( hahaha ) of gardening , isn 't it - and the roses have been beautiful . There is s distinct chill to the air this morning - it feels like Autumn . I love the autumn . In fact , I think I love all the seasons for wildly differing reasons . Autumn , though , with the shorter days and golden colours warms me . There is still a whole lot of cooking and freezing to do as the apples start piling up , and crumbles to dream about as I smell cinnamon and start planning slow cooker meals in my head . Gone are the cooler colours of summer which I had in the house , and now we have the oranges , the russets and the chocolate browns , and out have come the crocheted blankets and little acorn people and if the sun happens to sine through the windows , it creates a glow . I love it . I am amazed by how many orange or autumnal bits I have to play with . I have a basket out waiting for inspiration to strike and my mind is turning to crochet , sewing , quilts , scarves - cool weather pursuits . Books too . There are so many I want to read and all we lack around here is the ability to remember what we read in order to follow a plot . Maybe I should go and play with my Amazon basket again , and remember to include the things I need . Not want ! Like printer ink , for goodness sake . I keep forgetting it . Amazon means books to me . I have no idea why I am talking about ink . . . . . . There is another pot of tomato / onion relish bubbling on the stove . The tomatoes had given up waiting and were about to decompose , so it had to be done . It reminds me of my grandmother . And 11 apples are off the tree too . Their neighbours had already started rotting , so it was time . I started writing this post at 4pm . I thought it was 1pm . And now it is 7 . 30pm . This is all totally useless chatter , but just so you know the brain is clearly addled already before I start on anything else . I seem to have lost all conception of time . We have had a sort of Indian summer and now it is nearly over , I have decided that the garden can fend for itself . Mostly . The beans and tomatoes will still be watered but I have given up on the rest . So the summer garden is , for me , over for another year . Yes , I know it is just September , but somehow , this year has not been the year of the garden . Anything but . Not for want of trying , though . I did all the right things , but Mother Nature didn 't oblige . Hmm . I sound like a seasoned farmer with acres to watch over . It feels the same though . Part of me feels that I failed this year , and the other logical part says don 't be ridiculous . Everyone had the same problem . I do have a freezer full of beans and tomato and onion relish though , so we can , at least tick that box , and the apples will be ready very soon . Actually , my friend with the orchard tells me that the apples have started dropping , so maybe I will go and get a couple of bags full to cook and freeze and then I will feel a great deal better about 2012 in the garden . I have been going to my aquarobics and aquazumba classes every week , and I still love them . I have to say that my leg has been a huge challenge and on days like yesterday , I got home from the gym and sat in the rocking chair for the rest of the day . There are 28 steps to the top level where the changing rooms are , and 28 more down to the pool and back up and then down again . And today , when I went to Glynis and Peter 's place to let their dogs out , I fell asleep on their couch for an hour . I do not like feeling week and feeble , but hey , that is the way things go , so I am slowing down drastically and sleeping . It hurts , dammit . And pain , as we all know , is exhausting . So here I am . Family fed , dishwasher running , and nothing on TV to watch yet . It is the 9th day of September , and I , like everyone else , think back to that terrible , terrible day in 2001 , and I just know that I will never forget it . Nor should we . It is a day which changed the world . And subsequently , so many have died in an attempt tMy mind is dancing about again - from Andy Murray 's amazing win at the US Open - tennis - yesterday . A miracle . We thought no Brit would do it - it is 76 years since the last MAN ( not woman - they have won majors since then . Thanks , Isabelle ! ) won a major - and he has proven us wrong . Well done , Andy - this seals an amazing sporting summer of triumph for the British , and it has lifted spirits here amazingly . Back to the mind - to ways of pain control . To things I need to make for Christmas gifts if the body , hands and sewing machine combine to work in harmony , of course . I have Ideas . Thanks to Pinterest and tossing scraps of fabric in my hands and deciding whether or not to keep them . My granddaughter wants pink bunting for her bedroom , and crocheted stars . In pink . She is in the pink stage , and more girly and blingy than I could have imagined and I love it all . I can do pink . I should be flying to France to a wedding tomorrow or the next day , but the leg is not working , and my head is bursting , and skin is crawling , and gee , life is just peachy around here . I want to be there . But how do I drag the leg there . I need one of those teleporting things from Star Trek ( Beam me up , Scottie ) so will someone please invent one immediately for me . I am now going to download ? Upload ? all my photos from the camera , and make some more coffee . And maybe I will stay awake long enough to pop around and visit you all . Please excuse my lack of comments - sitting in one place for long is not an option at the moment . But tomorrow will be better , I am sure . And I a , really looking forward to reading about all your exciting lives , so make sure there is something exciting out there , if you please . I will be back . . . . . . . . . . . . Actually , it is not so much time as a distinct reluctance to post anything I may have written . Plenty has been written , believe me . Thank the Good Lord a Canadian friend voiced what I , and , it appears , so very many friends around the globe , including the USA , have been thinking re the appalling vitriol which is spewing out over the Internet waves about the US election . Specifically on Facebook . By some of our Christian friends . It has saddened me immensely , and has left me incapable of rational / coherent thought here . That is , I may well have posted what I wanted to say and that , I know from long and bitter experience , could have unleashed the hounds of hell . However , what I will say is this . We are all unique . We are all individuals . We all have our own opinions . We are all entitled to freedom of speech . Freedom of thought . We are all intelligent adults . We are all entitled to respect . And hopefully , we all pray for our leaders , whoever they may be . And we are still friends , despite any differences . Maybe because of those differences . Differences make the world interesting . Now , before my American friends think that I may not know or understand what is happening in the USA , let me just say that I have always followed American politics and news . I read widely . I check out different opinions . I know how to follow exactly what is happening in Congress and the Senate . I read BOTH sides of the House . I love facts . I hunt them down . Politicians intrigue me . You see , I come from a country where politics WAS our life . It shaped who I am , and I have been in the midst of real political strife , where there was a very real danger present . I have written about that time before , I think . I now live in a country where all my friends have very diverse political opinions , and we laugh and tease each other , we may campaign for opposing parties , we discuss things at length , disagree vehemently and , guess what . . . . . . . . . . . . we walk away friends . We may even persuade each other to change our minds . Miracles happen . Here in the UK , we live under incredibly tough austerity measures right now , and we all moan loudly , and worry , and boo the Chancellor of the Exchequer when he arrives to hand out medals , and he laughs and keeps going . He knows he has an impossible job . Actually , we know that too . No - one would want his job . We do not like what he makes us do , but no - one would call for his death , or wish him personal ill . It is like when you discipline a child - you don 't tell him / her that he / she is a terrible child . You tell him he did a bad thing . The thing , not the child is the important part . All leaders globally , who took office after the banks wrecked the global economy and forced everyone in the world into appalling austerity measures , took on what one could call the poisoned chalice . I would not have wanted their job . They had to try to steer huge economies around in a wide U - turn to try to rescue us all . ( Do NOT get me started on the banks though . ) The damage was done , not on their watch , but done , nonetheless , and had to be dealt with one way or another . So , to save our countries , in came austerity measures which every single one of us have to suffer through . They hurt , believe me . Life cannot be what it was for anyone until the books balance . And the poorest hurt the most . I know . Believe me , I know . However , what are the options ? Look at Greece . Spain . Portugal . Ireland . France . And many more . Life is tough , people . Tough . We are all paying . And will go on paying for the rest of our lives , in all probability . We are taxed here way beyond the level most would think . Our VAT ( sales tax ) is 20 % . Our petrol / gas price is the highest in the world currently £ 1 . 39 a litre , and a huge part of that is tax . Bottom income tax rate on individuals is 20 % for earnings effectively over £ 8 , 105 . Earn over £ 34 , 370 , you will pay 40 % tax . And over £ 150 , 000 you will pay 50 % tax . You can check out the tables here if you like . And on top of that , we pay a minimum of a further 12 % in National Insurance ( which covers the National Health Service etc ) . So , we do pay for our free health care system . Most of us live in small houses , and the banks won 't lend to anyone , and . . . . . . . See ? Tough times . We wail and gnash our teeth and wonder if the powers that be understand or know how much it hurts . We count out pennies , pop them in pots and try to get by as best we can . ( I could write a book on frugality and cash economy and cost - cutting austerity measures for families which would make the Chancellor 's budget look like a charming fairy tale . ) And so we get on with it , and produce the best Olympics and Paralympics EVER and we party and cheer and absolutely love the way the sun is finally shining and the way the nation is celebrating and the feats of pure magic we see all day on the TV screen . And forget all about the woes of the economy for a while . There is plenty of laughter and elation about right now . I love it . Knowledge is the key . Facts . Figures . Check . Re - check . I am intensely interested in world affairs , you see . I have been since I was a child , actually . President Kennedy 's assassination was the start and I was just nine . My oldest son inherited the same fascination . Fortunately , our schools definitely taught global geography and history back then . And then I studied world history and politics at university and African History was my second major . My focus was on American History and 20th C politics . The two cannot be separated at all . And the fascination remains to this day . I remember phoning the New Zealand embassy in London once , before the advent of the Internet , because my friend and I could not for the life of us remember the name of their Prime Minister . See ? I love facts . We needed to know . The embassy staff may have thought we were crazy but that is just fine . I have a clear view of different countries and the way they work . Different systems . I can separate the personal feelings from the facts . Even here in the UK . I vote strategically . But there is one thing which worries me a great deal at the moment . Two things . The rights of women . That is key . I am a woman . The other is the erosion of the freedom of choice . That should not be happening in the 21st C , and in no way constitutes progress . Isn 't progress what life is all about ? Freedom of choice . Go here to read the Universal Declaration of Human Rights . It is not my place , or yours , or anyone else 's to judge others . Or their decisions or choices . That is central to my Christian faith . It is not my place . My place is to love . To love even my enemy . To treat everyone as though they were my beloved brother or sister . And by enemy , I am not talking only about warfare . I am referring to the person who cuts in front of you as you drive , the neighbour who campaigns for a different party , the smelly homeless man begging , the mum who always has perfect kids , the team that beats yours . Ordinary people . Bad people . Evil , even . Prime Ministers , Presidents , Nominees , Chancellors , Pastors . I may not like them , but I am commanded to ( try to ) love them . Hey . I am human too . It is tough at times . There may be are plenty of times when I have to remind myself with gritted teeth . Haven 't you ever yelled that at your kids ? " I may not like what you are doing but I still love you " ? ? No ? Am I the only one ? Hmmm . I try to remind myself of how Nelson Mandela has lived his life . That gentleness and love which shines from his face . A remarkable man . I in no way resemble Nelson Mandela . I need to work on that bit . I have no desire to enter politics . Mind you , the pensions and perks are staggering even after just one term , so who knows . I will always be interested in different viewpoints . But civilised discussion or debate is what I love , not mob hysteria . ( I have seen what the very literal interpretation of the words " Mob Hysteria " can do . I come from Africa , remember . ) And should I ever choose to talk about politics in more depth , I will be acting on my right to freedom of speech . Should I comment on foreign politics , ditto . Freedom of opinions . Should I EVER get to the point again where I worry about alienating people who pop over here to visit , who I see as my friends , then I will shut down this blog . I have paced and groaned and moaned and deleted and written and worried and . . . . . . . . . . . . ENOUGH . This is my corner of the Internet . All rights of expression here are mine . Whatever they may be . Whoever may be offended challenged . And you know what ? I don 't mind what any of you say or think - I still love you all , and respect your wildly differing opinions , and will read avidly , no matter which party / ideal you support . Whether or not you choose to write about politics . I am fascinated any way . Morning all - the Paralympic swimming heats are on as I speak so I have one eye on the screen and one ear on the TV . You know how it is . Just so you know , America won 2 golds in the pool last night . Canada one one gold , and NZ bagged a couple of silvers . There were many more , but I was trying to update the world - which - was - not - watching - because - their - TV - bosses - didn 't - think - the - paralympics - were - important . My facebook status feed was a one women commentary . Here is the Medal Table as of this minute . It is changing rapidly . I so wish everyone could see and hear it all . The roar of the capacity crowds is deafening . The excitement is contagious . The flags waving everywhere . And the athletes are outdoing themselves . Just fabulous . I woke up this morning , thinking it was about 6 am . It was 8 . 55am . So we are sauntering slowly through the morning at snail 's pace , because we can . I was so incredibly tired last night that I kept falling asleep wherever I was . Maybe it is all the sport . I am running / swimming / pedalling the races with Team GB and the blood pressure is in Olympic mode . I should be changing the house to Autumn today . In my world . I declare Summer over at the end of August . I go with months . Autumn will be September , October , November . Winter = December , January and February . Spring = March , April , May and Summer = June , July , August . It makes things easier to remember . Actually I had totally forgotten until Peter popped in yesterday and asked when the house would change . Right . I need to think . I may make an exception this year and keep the patriotic / marine stuff out until the Paralympics are over . That seems appropriate . I don 't want to take down the red white and blue bunting outside until it is finished . Technology - the ability to communicate with the big wide world out there with relative ease . I say " relative " only because I have an iffy computer ! Where would we I be without it ? Inspiration . Ideas . Events . Learning . Writing . Teaching . Sharing and more . Fresh vegetables grown in my garden or allotment . I LOVE being able to go out there and gather enough for our supper , and plenty to freeze as well . The little bit of effort in spring and regular watering , and all those seeds I saved from last year produce a plentiful harvest . The apples are next . . . The swimming pool at gym . The laughter and fun we have while doing our aquazumba dances in the water . Being one of the girls and managing all the moves as if there was nothing wrong with the body at all . Being normal . The way hard work makes me first exhausted and then exhilarated . No sign of a Twiggy like figure , but I am feeling fitter , at least . My car . Old though it is , it is high enough for me to get in and out of with ease . It goes . It is comfortable . It gets me where I want to go . That reminds me - I must go this instant and put the new tax disc in the window while I remember it . Done . Hair straighteners , without which I would look like a poodle . Not a desirable look . The written word - whether in book form or as ebooks . I don 't have an eReader yet , but I have downloaded so many free books onto the computer through a Kindle app for computers , and one day , they will be on an eReader too . For now , the computer is great . I can 't tell you how many hours in the evenings I spend trawling through Amazon , playing with books and wish lists and baskets , taking things out , putting them in , saving for later - and I rarely push the button to buy , but I love the playing about . Am I weird ? It is all the possibilities , especially as I have a gift voucher I could spend if I wanted to . I love being able to almost tease myself with all the possibilities . I love books . I love the worlds I enter as I choose . I love knowing there is a pile of books waiting to be read . I can 't pass a book shop . Groan . Yes . I am weird . I have always loved reading , only now it is different . I find reading fiction so difficult because I cannot remember the plot , and yet non - fiction is easier for me . Not to mention all the Chicken Soup books - their stories are just a page or 2 long . Perfect . I will read anything . I just wish I could remember plots . . . . . My camera . Not fancy or smart , or big or complicated . Just small and neat and it does the job , allowing me to capture memories to take out and relive as I please . Digital photography has SO enhanced my days . I want to learn more , and graduate to a big camera one day , but right now , mine is perfect . Peanut Butter KitKat chocolates . DIVINE . The best . At long last I have found a British chocolate I really like ! My sewing machine . Which enables me to make things for my home , my family , my friends . Making things is part of who I am . Creating things is what I love . Add to the sewing machine , the embroidery machine , the cuttlebug , the scroll saw . . . . all tools with which I can make stuff . Gifts . They may all need servicing , but they all go , i love them and I am deeply thankful for each and every one of them . I have a shelf of works in progress ( WIPs ) and UFOs - unfinished objects . And I am thankful for the shelves of fabric awaiting inspirational thoughts too ! I LOVE knowing I have the tools in place . And I love using them . They are not ornaments . I am just sorry my overlocker ( serger ) died after being worked to death . It was the second one I worked into the ground . One day I may have another . It is on The List . My home . Small though it is , it is still home to me and my family . And I love changing things about , . and using simple methods ( and those tools - see # 9 ) ( and inspiration # 1 ) to make it warm and welcoming . People smile when they see me change things about - little things . Home . I could go on , but I just wanted to talk about some of the things I love . Not people , just things which make my life that much better . Easier , more fun . And enable me to feel that I CAN do stuff , achieve things too . Now here is the plan - why don 't you tell me about the ten things which you love too ? I would love to hear your ideas ! I may do this every week , because heaven knows there are way more than 10 things I really love ! I am now off to plot my Rio Paralympics plan to star in some sport or other . Archery ? High jump ? Marathon ? You have a great weekend , wherever you may be ! Especially my beautiful sister . It is her birthday today and I wish I could be there with her right now . She is working today , but I cannot begin to tell you how special she is , how much she is loved by us all and how thankful I will always be to know she is there . For a little sister ( who is taller than me ) ( who is prettier than me ) ( and who was totally annoying as a small girl ) ( who is MUCH smarter than me ) ( who was a trial to live with in my school days ) ( who got to live in my dream place - Switzerland ) she is more than OK . Of all the people in the world , she would still be my first and only choice as a sister . I love you , Marge . Here is a huge hug through the screen for you . { { } } ( Yes . Your sister who is not good with hugs sent you a huge one . You may remind me about this in person soon . ) Oh . . . I am NOT good at playing around with templates and losing things like my " about me " details . Sigh . I am a middle - aged mum living in middle England . My children are grown and have flown the nest - one to the other side of the world , but this is what I raised them to do , after all . Widow , daughter , sister , GRANNY and friend . . . . . I intend having adventures , and celebrating life . The rocking chair is just for resting to catch my breath now and then !
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Housework and I do not make a happy couple . I say this after walking through the house and estimating the amount of dust to be roughly equivalent to the Sahara desert . Give or take a bucket or two . Then I looked through the window out onto the grey skies and noticed that some rogue bird had been doing target parctice and had decorated the glass with gently cascading poop . A new touch of elegance . One I can do without . So I sighed and sat down at the computer like all intelligent people . Maybe if I wear sunglasses indoors no - one else will notice . Note to all local people : 1 . There is dust . So what . I am not sneezing yet . 2 . It is cold because I am not switching on the heating , so wear fleeces if you are contemplating visiting . 3 . I do make coffee or tea . That will warm you up . I actually picked up the remote control this morning , and then looked in horror at the clean patch where it had been lying . What do you think I did ? Huh ? Well , I could have grabbed the polish and duster immediately . I should have . Or grabbed the magic dusting mitten . But that was upstairs . So I very gently put the remote back in exactly the same place . And left the room . You can tell I am all fired up and ready to leap into things around here , can 't you ? Exactly . There is more to life than a clean house . That is my motto . Along with the old ones : Etc . Last year , in October , I joined in with the Nesters 's 31 day challenge , and it was great fun . I did 31 Days of Memories . I made the commitment to post every day for the month of October , along with hundreds of others around the globe . I have been thinking about this October . I see many of you are joining in , and I am going to do so too , but I am not linking because I can 't remember how to do the button thing , and Hello , David , answering your mother 's attempts at contact would be splendid now and then . And also , I am quite happy to try to do it again here . There is the picture issue which I am still trying to sort out and also the topic . It will be 31 Days of Something , but I am not sure what yet . Pop over to the Nester and check it out . Monday should be a stellar day for blogs so link up to join in with the bloggy fun ! Monday has rolled around again , bringing with it torrential rain and definitely winter - like temps . We seem to be skipping Autumn entirely and are heading for the cold . So , I have been buried under the blankets snoozing . Hibernating . Yes . Hibernating . I have had a couple of appalling leg weeks but I don 't want to talk about that . It just makes sitting at the computer difficult . Make that sitting , standing , walking , sleeping , anything . You have no idea . However , I am still alive , if not kicking . And the leg is still not working , but the brain is a little bit . And we don 't need legs here now , do we . Right . I want to talk about Christmas . About children . About the way people make messes of things . About blankets . About gifts . About windfall apple cakes . About kind words . About . . . . . . . . . . But they all require me to think and I am not doing well in the thinking department either . That is why I picked up the crochet hook , a few balls of wool from the giant stash ( the wool stash , as opposed to the fabric stash . ) ( There are two . ) ( And a scrapbook supply stash . ) And started another ripple blanket . I can just ripple away and I can put it down , pick it up and unravel to correct mistakes . Crochet projects are very forgiving , aren 't they ? They are . Thank the Good Lord . There has been a good deal of unravelling going on around here in the past 2 days , believe me . I have just been on Facebook and my friend Dawn , from Call me Grandma Dawn 's husband is critically ill in hospital . They need your prayers , people . Urgently . So if you can , please pray for his healing , her strength and everything else you can think of . That has focused the mind . I have been talking to her on messenger on Facebook and she is struggling . The disbelief that it is all happening so fast . From not well to critically ill in ICU . And then there is the dilemma of what to say . How to help . This is familiar territory , and she knows that . I just told her I was there , with Geoff . All the time . Nothing else matters right now . She just needs to be there . I also told her to say everything in her heart right now . Say the words . He will hear them . On that awful night , I just talked to Geoff almost non stop for all those hours . How many ? I can 't remember , but 4 or 5 . All the things I wanted to say , didn 't want left unsaid . I believe he heard me . He knew . Believe me , he probably wanted me to stop talking and give him some peace and quiet . I , however , needed to speak . And I am so glad I did . Had he recovered , I am quite sure he would have known exactly what I had said , and that would have been great . I just pray Dwight recovers and remembers all the things Dawn is telling him right this minute . My friends , never - NEVER leave anything unsaid . Not today , tomorrow , the next day . Say the words . Just keep saying them . That way you will never be in the position of regretting the fact that you didn 't say them . Nothing could be worse . It has been a while . Well , a few days . Isn 't it easy to get out of the habit of writing ? The longer I stay away from the blog , the easier it becomes to let it go . And there are times when I am so tempted to do just that . Or start another one . Or something . My head hurts . According to the BBC this morning , taking too many painkillers can induce headaches . Somehow I don 't think that applies to me , but just to be certain , I started lowering the number I have to take each day slowly . On to more cheerful things . I have made the bunting " In PINK , Moreglanny ! " for the smallest one in the family . That was fun . It was just a couple of 3m lengths and a 2m length , so it went very quickly . It quite took me by surprise after the many hundreds of miles I have been doing in recent months . 8 metres ? Pah . A doddle . So that can be ticked off the list . AND the good thing is that all the fabric came from the stash . Not that you would notice any holes in the piles , of course . I jammed it all into those shelves so tightly that I would have to sew about 10 miles of bunting to notice any gaps . But it is a start . Next on the list is crocheted stars . " In PINK , Moreglanny ! " Right . PINK . I have the message loud and clear , Missy ! Thank heavens there is a while before Christmas yet . Has anyone amassed their Christmas gift collection yet ? Has anyone started making things yet ? September is always the time I start to think about what I am making and this year is no different . There are so many great ideas out there . My Pinterest boards are bulging , and my bookmarked blogs are overflowing from the bookmark list , and my head is full of bits of each of them and now I can 't think straight . David is settled in at uni and seems quite at home , if the Skype conversations are any indicators . His course starts next week , and that is when he will meet all the others doing the same Master 's course with him . He is so close to the sea - I think he is going to love being able to walk down to the waterfront as often as he likes and just breathe in all that sea air . Until we moved here in 1990 , I had always lived near the sea . Cape Town , in South Africa , and Plymouth in Devon . I still love being near the ocean . I love the feel of real sand between my toes . Sitting on a rock and watching the waves roll in . My grandparents used to go on drives in the afternoon , in Cape Town , and always ended up parked in Sea Point , or Bantry Bay , watching the sea . I don 't remember them getting out of the car much , but they used to sit and watch the rollers coming in , and the ships anchored in Table Bay , waiting for pilots or a spot in the harbour . Having said that I have not lived near the sea since 1990 , at times I forget that I spent some time on the ships with Geoff and the children when we could , over school holidays . The sea is not the same when you are floating about on it , however . It is seen from a different perspective . I think there is a certain magic in being on the shore , and watching the tides move . In New Zealand , I used to get up really early , and go and sit on a rock and watch the sea there too - and the sun rising over the ocean is truly beautiful . Or setting . . In England , I miss the mountains even more than the sea . The solidity of them . Towering peaks . Shadows of immovable rock . The sense of direction you learn from knowing the mountains . But at least I get to be in the mountains in Switzerland . And Switzerland has the lakes too , of course . Water . Mountains . It is good . The mix . Ok . Help . I have reached the limits of my free Blogger picture space . Charming . A friend has told me she uses Flickr to upload photos . So my question to everyone else is this - what do you do ? I seem to remember Vee talking about this a long time ago , and I merrily carried on my own way and didn 't listen much because I had plenty of space . Oh , foolish me . I do not fancy paying a couple of dollars a month with all the resultant conversion costs which I don 't want to think about because my head will hurt more . Why on earth can 't we pay an annual fixed small sum ? Maybe I will just start another blog on Wordpress or Typepad . Or think about finding out how to have my own domain . Because I do not want limits . So any suggestions and I will be so pleased , I may even try some . Mind you , I opened up Picasa and nearly had a heart attack when I saw it uploading everything on my computer . No ! Stop it ! So at 12 . 30 am I was googling how to stop it doing it and so , it appeared was half the universe because heaven knows there were a great many similar queries , and a great many frustrated people out there . And while we are talking about " things " let me tell you that wireless printers are dead to me too . Bring back long dusty cables . My old printer had a cable . I clicked on print , and it whirred into life . Well , it may have creaked and groaned a bit , but it did get up to speed eventually , when it had ink in it . This new one ? Hah . Click on " print " . It stays silent and " offline " . So after much uninstalling and re - installing by the resident geek , the son , it works . But only if you click " print " and then click on go off line and then unclick it again and then click on something else and I can tell you , its days are numbered . Bring back cables , I say . Dusty and long and a pain to shift around . But they worked . I will be hooking my printer up to something . It may be a flagpole . We seem to be a trifle technologically challenged today . Put it down to the attic dust . David and I ( well , David mostly ) got the last of the boxes into the attic with some toys and bed slats , and sundry other things . The attic is now full , but the Christmas boxes ( half the attic ) are now in line next to the hole , so will be ready to be taken down once December rolls around . Other seasons have been banished to the far corners of the attic . I dream of organised rows of plastic boxes all labelled and easy to find . Not in this house , sadly . The boxes are plastic and that is about as far as we go at the moment . And then I tried to fix his favourite Tshirts which are decades old too and in total disrepair . This was not a successful endeavour . Ripped holes under the arms - not along any seam , are not fixable and wearable . He can leave those here for when he comes home . The lab coat poppers - well , I used velcro instead . And wrecked 2 needles in the process . Tick another box . Not many left to tick now . Nor much time . I forgot , during my relating of the garden woes of 2012 , that my gem squash have thrived . More than thrived . I have a bumper harvest . This pleases me ( and Glynis and Peter ) hugely , as we are all great fans from our South African upbringing . See ? There is always something to be thankful for . The butternuts are slowly emerging as well , so I have high hopes for them . Yes , Vee - we have wonderful gardening programmes on TV . I love them . We were advised back in the days of water restrictions , to plant a garden for drought . So some did , and nothing grew because drought loving plants do not like rivers of the wet stuff day after day . And some , like me , planted things which I thought I could manage to control like the godetia , which grew 3ft , searching for the missing sun , instead of cascading gently over the edge of the pot in glorious abundance like last year . And then as soon as the flowers started opening - eventually - the long tall stalks keeled over and lay down like sticks . Sigh . The hanging baskets did the same . They failed to grow , never mind cascade . My garden usually has a lot of cosmos in it . Some I grow from seed and plant out when bigger , and some grow in the ground from seeds which fell last autumn . Well . The ones which spring up in the garden have reached the dizzy height of about a foot and have one measly little flower on their very fragile stems , and the ones I grew from seed are 15ft tall and have only been flowering for the past month . And there you see the problem . It is all wonky . But that is the nature ( hahaha ) of gardening , isn 't it - and the roses have been beautiful . There is s distinct chill to the air this morning - it feels like Autumn . I love the autumn . In fact , I think I love all the seasons for wildly differing reasons . Autumn , though , with the shorter days and golden colours warms me . There is still a whole lot of cooking and freezing to do as the apples start piling up , and crumbles to dream about as I smell cinnamon and start planning slow cooker meals in my head . Gone are the cooler colours of summer which I had in the house , and now we have the oranges , the russets and the chocolate browns , and out have come the crocheted blankets and little acorn people and if the sun happens to sine through the windows , it creates a glow . I love it . I am amazed by how many orange or autumnal bits I have to play with . I have a basket out waiting for inspiration to strike and my mind is turning to crochet , sewing , quilts , scarves - cool weather pursuits . Books too . There are so many I want to read and all we lack around here is the ability to remember what we read in order to follow a plot . Maybe I should go and play with my Amazon basket again , and remember to include the things I need . Not want ! Like printer ink , for goodness sake . I keep forgetting it . Amazon means books to me . I have no idea why I am talking about ink . . . . . . There is another pot of tomato / onion relish bubbling on the stove . The tomatoes had given up waiting and were about to decompose , so it had to be done . It reminds me of my grandmother . And 11 apples are off the tree too . Their neighbours had already started rotting , so it was time . I started writing this post at 4pm . I thought it was 1pm . And now it is 7 . 30pm . This is all totally useless chatter , but just so you know the brain is clearly addled already before I start on anything else . I seem to have lost all conception of time . We have had a sort of Indian summer and now it is nearly over , I have decided that the garden can fend for itself . Mostly . The beans and tomatoes will still be watered but I have given up on the rest . So the summer garden is , for me , over for another year . Yes , I know it is just September , but somehow , this year has not been the year of the garden . Anything but . Not for want of trying , though . I did all the right things , but Mother Nature didn 't oblige . Hmm . I sound like a seasoned farmer with acres to watch over . It feels the same though . Part of me feels that I failed this year , and the other logical part says don 't be ridiculous . Everyone had the same problem . I do have a freezer full of beans and tomato and onion relish though , so we can , at least tick that box , and the apples will be ready very soon . Actually , my friend with the orchard tells me that the apples have started dropping , so maybe I will go and get a couple of bags full to cook and freeze and then I will feel a great deal better about 2012 in the garden . I have been going to my aquarobics and aquazumba classes every week , and I still love them . I have to say that my leg has been a huge challenge and on days like yesterday , I got home from the gym and sat in the rocking chair for the rest of the day . There are 28 steps to the top level where the changing rooms are , and 28 more down to the pool and back up and then down again . And today , when I went to Glynis and Peter 's place to let their dogs out , I fell asleep on their couch for an hour . I do not like feeling week and feeble , but hey , that is the way things go , so I am slowing down drastically and sleeping . It hurts , dammit . And pain , as we all know , is exhausting . So here I am . Family fed , dishwasher running , and nothing on TV to watch yet . It is the 9th day of September , and I , like everyone else , think back to that terrible , terrible day in 2001 , and I just know that I will never forget it . Nor should we . It is a day which changed the world . And subsequently , so many have died in an attempt tMy mind is dancing about again - from Andy Murray 's amazing win at the US Open - tennis - yesterday . A miracle . We thought no Brit would do it - it is 76 years since the last MAN ( not woman - they have won majors since then . Thanks , Isabelle ! ) won a major - and he has proven us wrong . Well done , Andy - this seals an amazing sporting summer of triumph for the British , and it has lifted spirits here amazingly . Back to the mind - to ways of pain control . To things I need to make for Christmas gifts if the body , hands and sewing machine combine to work in harmony , of course . I have Ideas . Thanks to Pinterest and tossing scraps of fabric in my hands and deciding whether or not to keep them . My granddaughter wants pink bunting for her bedroom , and crocheted stars . In pink . She is in the pink stage , and more girly and blingy than I could have imagined and I love it all . I can do pink . I should be flying to France to a wedding tomorrow or the next day , but the leg is not working , and my head is bursting , and skin is crawling , and gee , life is just peachy around here . I want to be there . But how do I drag the leg there . I need one of those teleporting things from Star Trek ( Beam me up , Scottie ) so will someone please invent one immediately for me . I am now going to download ? Upload ? all my photos from the camera , and make some more coffee . And maybe I will stay awake long enough to pop around and visit you all . Please excuse my lack of comments - sitting in one place for long is not an option at the moment . But tomorrow will be better , I am sure . And I a , really looking forward to reading about all your exciting lives , so make sure there is something exciting out there , if you please . I will be back . . . . . . . . . . . . Actually , it is not so much time as a distinct reluctance to post anything I may have written . Plenty has been written , believe me . Thank the Good Lord a Canadian friend voiced what I , and , it appears , so very many friends around the globe , including the USA , have been thinking re the appalling vitriol which is spewing out over the Internet waves about the US election . Specifically on Facebook . By some of our Christian friends . It has saddened me immensely , and has left me incapable of rational / coherent thought here . That is , I may well have posted what I wanted to say and that , I know from long and bitter experience , could have unleashed the hounds of hell . However , what I will say is this . We are all unique . We are all individuals . We all have our own opinions . We are all entitled to freedom of speech . Freedom of thought . We are all intelligent adults . We are all entitled to respect . And hopefully , we all pray for our leaders , whoever they may be . And we are still friends , despite any differences . Maybe because of those differences . Differences make the world interesting . Now , before my American friends think that I may not know or understand what is happening in the USA , let me just say that I have always followed American politics and news . I read widely . I check out different opinions . I know how to follow exactly what is happening in Congress and the Senate . I read BOTH sides of the House . I love facts . I hunt them down . Politicians intrigue me . You see , I come from a country where politics WAS our life . It shaped who I am , and I have been in the midst of real political strife , where there was a very real danger present . I have written about that time before , I think . I now live in a country where all my friends have very diverse political opinions , and we laugh and tease each other , we may campaign for opposing parties , we discuss things at length , disagree vehemently and , guess what . . . . . . . . . . . . we walk away friends . We may even persuade each other to change our minds . Miracles happen . Here in the UK , we live under incredibly tough austerity measures right now , and we all moan loudly , and worry , and boo the Chancellor of the Exchequer when he arrives to hand out medals , and he laughs and keeps going . He knows he has an impossible job . Actually , we know that too . No - one would want his job . We do not like what he makes us do , but no - one would call for his death , or wish him personal ill . It is like when you discipline a child - you don 't tell him / her that he / she is a terrible child . You tell him he did a bad thing . The thing , not the child is the important part . All leaders globally , who took office after the banks wrecked the global economy and forced everyone in the world into appalling austerity measures , took on what one could call the poisoned chalice . I would not have wanted their job . They had to try to steer huge economies around in a wide U - turn to try to rescue us all . ( Do NOT get me started on the banks though . ) The damage was done , not on their watch , but done , nonetheless , and had to be dealt with one way or another . So , to save our countries , in came austerity measures which every single one of us have to suffer through . They hurt , believe me . Life cannot be what it was for anyone until the books balance . And the poorest hurt the most . I know . Believe me , I know . However , what are the options ? Look at Greece . Spain . Portugal . Ireland . France . And many more . Life is tough , people . Tough . We are all paying . And will go on paying for the rest of our lives , in all probability . We are taxed here way beyond the level most would think . Our VAT ( sales tax ) is 20 % . Our petrol / gas price is the highest in the world currently £ 1 . 39 a litre , and a huge part of that is tax . Bottom income tax rate on individuals is 20 % for earnings effectively over £ 8 , 105 . Earn over £ 34 , 370 , you will pay 40 % tax . And over £ 150 , 000 you will pay 50 % tax . You can check out the tables here if you like . And on top of that , we pay a minimum of a further 12 % in National Insurance ( which covers the National Health Service etc ) . So , we do pay for our free health care system . Most of us live in small houses , and the banks won 't lend to anyone , and . . . . . . . See ? Tough times . We wail and gnash our teeth and wonder if the powers that be understand or know how much it hurts . We count out pennies , pop them in pots and try to get by as best we can . ( I could write a book on frugality and cash economy and cost - cutting austerity measures for families which would make the Chancellor 's budget look like a charming fairy tale . ) And so we get on with it , and produce the best Olympics and Paralympics EVER and we party and cheer and absolutely love the way the sun is finally shining and the way the nation is celebrating and the feats of pure magic we see all day on the TV screen . And forget all about the woes of the economy for a while . There is plenty of laughter and elation about right now . I love it . Knowledge is the key . Facts . Figures . Check . Re - check . I am intensely interested in world affairs , you see . I have been since I was a child , actually . President Kennedy 's assassination was the start and I was just nine . My oldest son inherited the same fascination . Fortunately , our schools definitely taught global geography and history back then . And then I studied world history and politics at university and African History was my second major . My focus was on American History and 20th C politics . The two cannot be separated at all . And the fascination remains to this day . I remember phoning the New Zealand embassy in London once , before the advent of the Internet , because my friend and I could not for the life of us remember the name of their Prime Minister . See ? I love facts . We needed to know . The embassy staff may have thought we were crazy but that is just fine . I have a clear view of different countries and the way they work . Different systems . I can separate the personal feelings from the facts . Even here in the UK . I vote strategically . But there is one thing which worries me a great deal at the moment . Two things . The rights of women . That is key . I am a woman . The other is the erosion of the freedom of choice . That should not be happening in the 21st C , and in no way constitutes progress . Isn 't progress what life is all about ? Freedom of choice . Go here to read the Universal Declaration of Human Rights . It is not my place , or yours , or anyone else 's to judge others . Or their decisions or choices . That is central to my Christian faith . It is not my place . My place is to love . To love even my enemy . To treat everyone as though they were my beloved brother or sister . And by enemy , I am not talking only about warfare . I am referring to the person who cuts in front of you as you drive , the neighbour who campaigns for a different party , the smelly homeless man begging , the mum who always has perfect kids , the team that beats yours . Ordinary people . Bad people . Evil , even . Prime Ministers , Presidents , Nominees , Chancellors , Pastors . I may not like them , but I am commanded to ( try to ) love them . Hey . I am human too . It is tough at times . There may be are plenty of times when I have to remind myself with gritted teeth . Haven 't you ever yelled that at your kids ? " I may not like what you are doing but I still love you " ? ? No ? Am I the only one ? Hmmm . I try to remind myself of how Nelson Mandela has lived his life . That gentleness and love which shines from his face . A remarkable man . I in no way resemble Nelson Mandela . I need to work on that bit . I have no desire to enter politics . Mind you , the pensions and perks are staggering even after just one term , so who knows . I will always be interested in different viewpoints . But civilised discussion or debate is what I love , not mob hysteria . ( I have seen what the very literal interpretation of the words " Mob Hysteria " can do . I come from Africa , remember . ) And should I ever choose to talk about politics in more depth , I will be acting on my right to freedom of speech . Should I comment on foreign politics , ditto . Freedom of opinions . Should I EVER get to the point again where I worry about alienating people who pop over here to visit , who I see as my friends , then I will shut down this blog . I have paced and groaned and moaned and deleted and written and worried and . . . . . . . . . . . . ENOUGH . This is my corner of the Internet . All rights of expression here are mine . Whatever they may be . Whoever may be offended challenged . And you know what ? I don 't mind what any of you say or think - I still love you all , and respect your wildly differing opinions , and will read avidly , no matter which party / ideal you support . Whether or not you choose to write about politics . I am fascinated any way . Morning all - the Paralympic swimming heats are on as I speak so I have one eye on the screen and one ear on the TV . You know how it is . Just so you know , America won 2 golds in the pool last night . Canada one one gold , and NZ bagged a couple of silvers . There were many more , but I was trying to update the world - which - was - not - watching - because - their - TV - bosses - didn 't - think - the - paralympics - were - important . My facebook status feed was a one women commentary . Here is the Medal Table as of this minute . It is changing rapidly . I so wish everyone could see and hear it all . The roar of the capacity crowds is deafening . The excitement is contagious . The flags waving everywhere . And the athletes are outdoing themselves . Just fabulous . I woke up this morning , thinking it was about 6 am . It was 8 . 55am . So we are sauntering slowly through the morning at snail 's pace , because we can . I was so incredibly tired last night that I kept falling asleep wherever I was . Maybe it is all the sport . I am running / swimming / pedalling the races with Team GB and the blood pressure is in Olympic mode . I should be changing the house to Autumn today . In my world . I declare Summer over at the end of August . I go with months . Autumn will be September , October , November . Winter = December , January and February . Spring = March , April , May and Summer = June , July , August . It makes things easier to remember . Actually I had totally forgotten until Peter popped in yesterday and asked when the house would change . Right . I need to think . I may make an exception this year and keep the patriotic / marine stuff out until the Paralympics are over . That seems appropriate . I don 't want to take down the red white and blue bunting outside until it is finished . Technology - the ability to communicate with the big wide world out there with relative ease . I say " relative " only because I have an iffy computer ! Where would we I be without it ? Inspiration . Ideas . Events . Learning . Writing . Teaching . Sharing and more . Fresh vegetables grown in my garden or allotment . I LOVE being able to go out there and gather enough for our supper , and plenty to freeze as well . The little bit of effort in spring and regular watering , and all those seeds I saved from last year produce a plentiful harvest . The apples are next . . . The swimming pool at gym . The laughter and fun we have while doing our aquazumba dances in the water . Being one of the girls and managing all the moves as if there was nothing wrong with the body at all . Being normal . The way hard work makes me first exhausted and then exhilarated . No sign of a Twiggy like figure , but I am feeling fitter , at least . My car . Old though it is , it is high enough for me to get in and out of with ease . It goes . It is comfortable . It gets me where I want to go . That reminds me - I must go this instant and put the new tax disc in the window while I remember it . Done . Hair straighteners , without which I would look like a poodle . Not a desirable look . The written word - whether in book form or as ebooks . I don 't have an eReader yet , but I have downloaded so many free books onto the computer through a Kindle app for computers , and one day , they will be on an eReader too . For now , the computer is great . I can 't tell you how many hours in the evenings I spend trawling through Amazon , playing with books and wish lists and baskets , taking things out , putting them in , saving for later - and I rarely push the button to buy , but I love the playing about . Am I weird ? It is all the possibilities , especially as I have a gift voucher I could spend if I wanted to . I love being able to almost tease myself with all the possibilities . I love books . I love the worlds I enter as I choose . I love knowing there is a pile of books waiting to be read . I can 't pass a book shop . Groan . Yes . I am weird . I have always loved reading , only now it is different . I find reading fiction so difficult because I cannot remember the plot , and yet non - fiction is easier for me . Not to mention all the Chicken Soup books - their stories are just a page or 2 long . Perfect . I will read anything . I just wish I could remember plots . . . . . My camera . Not fancy or smart , or big or complicated . Just small and neat and it does the job , allowing me to capture memories to take out and relive as I please . Digital photography has SO enhanced my days . I want to learn more , and graduate to a big camera one day , but right now , mine is perfect . Peanut Butter KitKat chocolates . DIVINE . The best . At long last I have found a British chocolate I really like ! My sewing machine . Which enables me to make things for my home , my family , my friends . Making things is part of who I am . Creating things is what I love . Add to the sewing machine , the embroidery machine , the cuttlebug , the scroll saw . . . . all tools with which I can make stuff . Gifts . They may all need servicing , but they all go , i love them and I am deeply thankful for each and every one of them . I have a shelf of works in progress ( WIPs ) and UFOs - unfinished objects . And I am thankful for the shelves of fabric awaiting inspirational thoughts too ! I LOVE knowing I have the tools in place . And I love using them . They are not ornaments . I am just sorry my overlocker ( serger ) died after being worked to death . It was the second one I worked into the ground . One day I may have another . It is on The List . My home . Small though it is , it is still home to me and my family . And I love changing things about , . and using simple methods ( and those tools - see # 9 ) ( and inspiration # 1 ) to make it warm and welcoming . People smile when they see me change things about - little things . Home . I could go on , but I just wanted to talk about some of the things I love . Not people , just things which make my life that much better . Easier , more fun . And enable me to feel that I CAN do stuff , achieve things too . Now here is the plan - why don 't you tell me about the ten things which you love too ? I would love to hear your ideas ! I may do this every week , because heaven knows there are way more than 10 things I really love ! I am now off to plot my Rio Paralympics plan to star in some sport or other . Archery ? High jump ? Marathon ? You have a great weekend , wherever you may be ! Especially my beautiful sister . It is her birthday today and I wish I could be there with her right now . She is working today , but I cannot begin to tell you how special she is , how much she is loved by us all and how thankful I will always be to know she is there . For a little sister ( who is taller than me ) ( who is prettier than me ) ( and who was totally annoying as a small girl ) ( who is MUCH smarter than me ) ( who was a trial to live with in my school days ) ( who got to live in my dream place - Switzerland ) she is more than OK . Of all the people in the world , she would still be my first and only choice as a sister . I love you , Marge . Here is a huge hug through the screen for you . { { } } ( Yes . Your sister who is not good with hugs sent you a huge one . You may remind me about this in person soon . ) Oh . . . I am NOT good at playing around with templates and losing things like my " about me " details . Sigh . I am a middle - aged mum living in middle England . My children are grown and have flown the nest - one to the other side of the world , but this is what I raised them to do , after all . Widow , daughter , sister , GRANNY and friend . . . . . I intend having adventures , and celebrating life . The rocking chair is just for resting to catch my breath now and then !
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Ms . Katie wants to know what I would do if Jesus came aknockin ' , and I am pleased to share my answer . First of all , he would probably ring the door bell , which would piss me off . No one who knows me well uses the front door . ( dirty joke ahead . . . wait . . . here it comes . . . ) All my good friends use the back door . The door bell ringing would send my dogs into a frenzied rage until Jesus crossed the threshold into my home , at which time they would commence their usual violent tongue wagging and pleas for belly rubs . I would probably offer him something to drink and maybe a bowl of water for his donkey who is welcome to stay in the yard . My older daughter would most likely force him into a game of My Little Pony Happy Fun Dress Up Time and inevitably ask him if he has a penis . My younger daughter would most likely stare from a safe distance whilst hiding behind my legs . She doesn 't trust men with beards and I can 't say that I blame her . Small talk would be awkward as I 'm sure He would already know that I 'm an Atheist . I might not ever be convinced by the many Fundies I 've encountered in my life , but I could be swayed by a little water - to - wine action on His part . I 'd feel obliged to make Him dinner - - fish perhaps ? What would Jesus eat ? It wouldn 't be fair to keep such a special visitor a secret , so naturally I 'd have to drive him around to visit with friends . " Oh my God ! " They would say when they saw who I was with . " Exactly ! " I would reply , cracking myself up . Maybe we would go shopping . That robe look is so 2 , 000 years ago . A nice pair of jeans goes a long way in making a man look his best . He 's got that long and sinewy thing goin ' on - - maybe a fitted t - shirt to top of the new ensemble . Most importantly , I would give him a haircut . Can you imagine the scraggles he has going on ? If he would let me , I think a deep conditioner would do him a world of good . Being married , I don 't think my husband would think too highly of me getting any kind of action with The Jeez . I suppose He has the power to erase memories or stop time , so it 's not comat After much haggling , hemming and hawing , we are back where we started . We finally agreed to giving them 3 % back at closing , and the washer and dryer and the dressers in the attic and everything else on thier list - - if they paid the full asking price on the house . They declined and now we have nothing . The couple that looked at it yesterday didn 't make an offer . The guy who was supposed to come look at the house today cancelled at the last minute as well . I could be really upset about all of this . I could feel angry and defeated , but I refuse . Part of it that the weather keeps getting better and better and I know more buyers will be out looking . Also , as it gets closer to school registration time , people will ( hopefully ) be in more of a hurry to close the deal . Fuck it . It 'll happen . Someone will buy this house . Good news is we got an offer . Bad news is it was shitty with an extra shitty contingency . Here 's a hint for anyone out there looking to buy a house : Don 't ask for a bunch of money back at closing . They came in waaaay low and then asked for 3 % back at closing . They also asked for the washer and dryer and some furniture we have in the attic . Um . . . no . So the dance begins . We countered and they countered again , and they still wanted that 3 % back . The proverbial ball is in our court now . They didn 't give us a time limit for the counter - counter ( or would it be the counter - counter - counter ? I 'm losing count already . . . ) . First of all , they don 't need that much money to close - - more like half that . They won 't need to buy anything for house . We are leaving the fridge , dishwasher , range , window treatments and even an area rug in the dining room . I actually do want them to keep the washer and dryer , but we are trying to use it as leverage . Hell , after talking to my Mother - in - Law about it , they can keep the damn dressers in the attic as well . Second , there is no way we are going to let go of a chunk of our profit . We 're talking over $ 3 , 000 here . I never thought we were going to make a pile of money selling this house , but I sure as hell won 't be handing over enough money to get us completely out of debt . The plan is to go into the next house with ZERO debt ( aside from that hag Sallie Mae , but that bitch will be getting a check a month probably until my own children go to college ) . We have a showing scheduled today . Ironically , it is the same realtor who talked another couple out of buying our house . Weird . There 's also another guy interested in a second showing . His sister just happens to have just rented to house next door . He might be coming over today as well . I told my realtor to make sure they all know we have an offer in . This will either scare them off or , best case scenario , get them to hurry up and make an offer of their own . It 's going to be gorgeous Spring day today . The sun will be shining , the breeze will be gently blowing . . . Aat This morning , on my way to the grocery store or " the Jewels " as someone likes to call it , I hit a squirrel . I saw it running across the road in front of me at the last moment and tapped my breaks to try and avoid him . It didn 't work . I heard the unmistakable thud , and when I looked back , his little furry body lay motionless in the street . I 've only hit one other living thing in my entire driving career . It was a hedgehog . . . I think . I was driving with my husband one night and , one goddamn block from home , I see this flash of something about . 04 of a second before I heard that horrible ka - chunk noise at my front right wheel . I immediately broke down in sobs , barely making it home . I made my husband go back and make sure the little guy wasn 't limping across the road , so he grabbed a shovel on his way out the door . " What are you going to do with that ? ! " I blubbered . " Scrape it off the road and throw it under a bush , of course . " He 's so romantic . When he got back he told me that the hedgehog ( or whatever it was ) was dead and he gave it a proper scraping / bush toss . Years later he fessed up and told me that it wasn 't all the way dead when he got down there , and the shovel became a multi - tasker that night . Apparently I have become something of a heartless bitch as hitting the squirrel today pissed me off more than upset me . I drive that road at least once a day everyday , and now I am going to have to be reminded of the carnage on a regular basis . There is an upside to all of this though . Hitting that squirrel may have been just the magic spell to get my house sold . A few hours later , I got a call from my realtor . It seems the people who came to see the house today are most likely going to put in an offer ! I don 't want to get too excited , but this very well could be it . Who knew all it would take was a little animal sacrifice ? I 've been mulling over the idea of hitting a few more puffy - tailed rodents in the hopes of getting over asking price . I always swore I wouldn 't be the type of parent who dumbed down or sugar - coated things for my kids . I mean , there is such a thing as discussing certain topics on an age - appropriate level , but you 're never going to hear me utter anything in the realm of " Goldfish / Doggy / Toy , etc . Heaven " , and definitely no storks or angelsA couple of years ago Mina got the whole ' girls have a vagina / boys have a penis ' spiel . I 'm glad she knows the right words and isn 't afraid to use them . Also , sometimes when we 're really lucky , it provides a good amount of comedy . The other night the girls were getting out of the tub when Mina decided we were having a party . " It 's a farty party , Mama ! " My husband and I tried to hide our admittedly immature giggling . " It 's a farty party , farty party , farty party ! It 's a BUTT party ! " This sent us into all out laughter , which only egged her on more . " Vagina ! Vagina ! Penis party , penis party , PEEEEE - NIS ! " Maybe it was the beer I had with dinner , but I was cackling at this point . Jim joked with her , " I LOVE peanuts ! " " No Daddy ! PEE - nis . " " Yeah , peanuts ! I think peanuts are great ! " Mina got really angry at this point which only made me laugh harder . " Don 't you know what a penis is , Daddy ? ! You have a penis ! " After Jim took Audrey out of the bathroom and into her room , Mina sat down next to me looking truly concerned . " Mama , doesn 't he know ? You really need to have a talk with Daddy about his penis . " When I first started at the last salon I worked at , I was still rebuilding my clientele from my first maternity leave . GOD FORBID a hairstylist takes some time off to have an 8lb . 1oz . box - shaped baby drug out of her vagina with giant salad tongs . I lost some clients during my maternity leave , then switched salons and lost a few more . It happens . My first day , my coworkers filled me in on " The Coupon Debacle " . There was this receptionist who I 'll call Sherri . Sherri wasn 't the brightest gal you 'd ever meet . She was young and pretty , but mostly clueless . One day , several months before , the Big Brothers / Big Sisters people called the shop and asked to speak to the manager . Boss Lady was busy and told Sherri to " take care of it " ( not the smartest move on her part ) . Apparently , the BBBS people wanted to know if the salon would care to donate a haircut to their fundraiser . I 'm not sure if Sherri gave the go ahead or if Boss Lady gave the nod . Either way , BBBS got their donation . Sounds like a nice thing to do for the good of the community , right ? Yes , except that what they were actually asking for was WAY more than that . As it turns out , it wasn 't just one gift certificate they were asking for . The free haircut was part of a ' coupon book ' they were printing up . They sold them around town for $ 25 to raise money - - and there were 1 , 000 of them . ONE THOUSAND . The $ 25 people paid for the whole damn booklet wouldn 't have covered a single haircut at the salon , and now there were 1 , 000 of them floating around town . Feeling bad for Boss Lady , I told her I 'd be happy to fill some of my down time ( which at that point , I had plenty of ) with the free haircut coupon people . I should have kept my mouth shut . One afternoon I had a coupon cut on my book and didn 't think anything of it until she walked in followed by her husband . She was morbidly obese , dressed in grey jersey knit shorts pulled up almost level with her imposing , unrestrained breasts . The t - shirt was my favorite part : Tweety Bird in a feather boa with the words " HOT STUFF " splayedat . . . or maybe just an anal retentive fu - reak . Could go either way . I am meticulous about my checkbook . If I don 't balance to the penny I will scrutinize the ledger until I find the culprit . I can 't let it go until I figure it out . A few days ago I pulled up my online ledger to check it against my hard copy version and the online account said I had over two hundred more dollars than I had written down . Always one to look a gift horse in the mouth , I immediately assumed it was a mistake on the bank 's part . There was no way I had more money than I thought . I finally figured it out today . I wrote the March gas bill down twice ( yes , our gas bill is over two hundred dollars , and that 's with the " levelized payment plan " thingy ) . The sad part is that I was way too excited about it . Not because I now have an extra two hundred dollars to pay the bills , but because I finally figured out what went wonky . Is this exciting for you to read about ? Certainly not . But it made my freakin ' day . Last week at the grocery store , I ran into our old neighbors . Unfortunately , it wasn 't with the car . When we bought our current house , these people had only lived in it for 4 months . Through their realtor we found out that the husband ( Chuck ) had had some heart problems and his doctor told him , " No stairs , no mowing the lawn , and no fast food . " So they had to move to avoid two out of the three . We took full advantage of this information by only paying two thousand dollars more than they paid for it . I know they took a bath on the transaction . I felt a little guilty for practically ripping off an sick old dude and his wife , but all 's fair in love and real estate . About six months after we moved into our house , we got new neighbors next door . I was outside , playing with the dogs when I saw an older couple waving at me from across the fence . " Remember us ? ! " a witchy haired crone hollered , a sack of greasy fast food in her claw . " Uh . . . . " " It 's us ! Chuck and Cindy ! We sold you your house ! " I was instantly bewildered . The house next door , except for less square footage and one less bathroom , is an exact replica of our house . The not - so - secret information their former real estate agent played in my head . Why would they buy a two story house with a big yard ? Why , when they had almost the same thing less than a year ago ? Why ? I was wasting time wondering about these issues when there would be a whole host of others to contemplate in the years to come . For instance , why would they rip out a perfectly good fence , tear up the grass next to the driveway , then fill it in with gravel ? Answer : So they could pull their truck up that extra 10 feet to the back door . I think they were afraid the Wendys , McDonalds , or Hardees they ate almost every day would get cold if they had to carry it too far . Also , I don 't think they wanted to get any inadvertent exercise . Answer # 2 : So their beautiful golden - white Labrador wouldn 't have the joy of romping in a big back yard , but would instead be locked up in an 8x8 pen . Wouldn 't want the dog to get any iat I was feeling kinda ' Britney this week , but I 'm all better now . My mom got my husband season tickets for the Chicago Fire for Xmas . Their opener is tonight , so he took the kids up to Grandma and Grandpa 's to get a head start on Easter , and I get the whole house to myself until tomorrow morning ( when I will join them ) . The silence is deafening , and I 'm loving every minute of it . Normally I would take this time to catch up on housework , but that 's already been taken care of considering we had a rush of looky - loos over the past few days . I literally have nothing I have to do . I get to do whatever I damn well please . No one to answer to , get a sippy cup for , or who 's butt to wipe . I can put something away and it isn 't laying all over the floor 2 seconds after I turn around . I can make a phone call and not have to do a thousand other things at the same time . I can run around yelling " fuck " and " cocksucker " with abandon . Oh , sweet freedom ! So the question is , do I go out and get a pedicure before or after some internet porn ? Dear M . B . , When I worked with you I found you to be clueless at best , but mostly an annoying twit . Your holier - than - thou attitude grated on my nerves every day that I had to work near you . As much as I tried to avoid conversation with you , tight quarters demanded our interaction . When you vehemently explained to me that no Jewish people went to work in the Twin Towers on 9 / 11 because they were " tipped off " to the attacks , I didn 't stab you in the eye with a fork like I wanted to , but instead gently explained to you that your information was wrong . I know you still didn 't believe me . When you told me that you and your husband took the door off your sixteen year old son 's bedroom , I didn 't ask you how he was supposed to masturbate in private . Instead I bit my tongue because I wouldn 't want to extend anything resembling an invitation for you to share your parenting tips with me . When I saw you after I quit that job and you accused me of " jumping ship " after our boss revealed she had cancer , I let it go - - though I shouldn 't have seeing how you did the exact same thing a few weeks later . By the way , my leaving didn 't kill her . The three packs a day for 40 years did . I have never and will never tell you all of this because I can be what they call in the business a " grown up " . Just know that every time I drive past your church , or " Hall " as you guys call it , I transmit silent ' fuck you ' vibes your way . I kind of feel sorry for you in that your religion prohibits voting . At the same time , one less fundie at the polling station bodes well for me . When the magical JW spaceship comes down to take you and yours to Planet Watchtower , I 'll be here on Earth dancing around in my underwear stuffing birthday cake into my mouth , handing out rainbow flags and free abortions . Cheers , Chaylene My dogs are either lazy or have a heightened sense of self - importance . I think it 's both . They think they deserve a " treat " ( read : doggy biscuit ) for simply mustering up the gumption to sit by my feet when I go out on the back porch to smoke . What they lack in work ethic though , they more than make up for in cuteness ( and bad breath ) . I won 't lie . I just wanted to post some pictures of my dogs . My house still hasn 't sold , and the beginnings of panic are starting to set in . I 'm starting to see more and more SOLD signs around town and I can 't help buy wonder why mine hasn 't . I truly think we have done everything within our power ( and budget ) to make this home more than marketable . Aside from picking it up and putting it on a quieter street , there is nothing more to be done . At Saturday 's open house , a couple showed up and seemed to really like it . My real estate agent said the wife was " in love with the kitchen " and that they told her they had been checking the house out on the realty website . It 's a good sign , but a even better sign would say " SOLD " and be parked on my front lawn . I keep getting positive feedback from friends and even other realtors , and that does tend to boost morale , but it still doesn 't change the fact that we haven 't gotten a single offer in the 8 weeks we 've been on the market . I 'm trying not to let this whole process completely take over my life , but that 's hard to do when you are as compulsive and controlling as I am . I want to start shopping for window treatments and paint and the washer and dryer we 'll need in the new house . I want to start planting some flowers and playing in our new back yard . I want to pull into my new driveway and use the automatic garage door opener ( never had one of those before ! ) . Do we need to advertise more ? Do we need to offer more incentives ? What are we not doing that we should be ? Any and all advice , back patting and handholding will be accepted .
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Ms . Katie wants to know what I would do if Jesus came aknockin ' , and I am pleased to share my answer . First of all , he would probably ring the door bell , which would piss me off . No one who knows me well uses the front door . ( dirty joke ahead . . . wait . . . here it comes . . . ) All my good friends use the back door . The door bell ringing would send my dogs into a frenzied rage until Jesus crossed the threshold into my home , at which time they would commence their usual violent tongue wagging and pleas for belly rubs . I would probably offer him something to drink and maybe a bowl of water for his donkey who is welcome to stay in the yard . My older daughter would most likely force him into a game of My Little Pony Happy Fun Dress Up Time and inevitably ask him if he has a penis . My younger daughter would most likely stare from a safe distance whilst hiding behind my legs . She doesn 't trust men with beards and I can 't say that I blame her . Small talk would be awkward as I 'm sure He would already know that I 'm an Atheist . I might not ever be convinced by the many Fundies I 've encountered in my life , but I could be swayed by a little water - to - wine action on His part . I 'd feel obliged to make Him dinner - - fish perhaps ? What would Jesus eat ? It wouldn 't be fair to keep such a special visitor a secret , so naturally I 'd have to drive him around to visit with friends . " Oh my God ! " They would say when they saw who I was with . " Exactly ! " I would reply , cracking myself up . Maybe we would go shopping . That robe look is so 2 , 000 years ago . A nice pair of jeans goes a long way in making a man look his best . He 's got that long and sinewy thing goin ' on - - maybe a fitted t - shirt to top of the new ensemble . Most importantly , I would give him a haircut . Can you imagine the scraggles he has going on ? If he would let me , I think a deep conditioner would do him a world of good . Being married , I don 't think my husband would think too highly of me getting any kind of action with The Jeez . I suppose He has the power to erase memories or stop time , so it 's not comat After much haggling , hemming and hawing , we are back where we started . We finally agreed to giving them 3 % back at closing , and the washer and dryer and the dressers in the attic and everything else on thier list - - if they paid the full asking price on the house . They declined and now we have nothing . The couple that looked at it yesterday didn 't make an offer . The guy who was supposed to come look at the house today cancelled at the last minute as well . I could be really upset about all of this . I could feel angry and defeated , but I refuse . Part of it that the weather keeps getting better and better and I know more buyers will be out looking . Also , as it gets closer to school registration time , people will ( hopefully ) be in more of a hurry to close the deal . Fuck it . It 'll happen . Someone will buy this house . Good news is we got an offer . Bad news is it was shitty with an extra shitty contingency . Here 's a hint for anyone out there looking to buy a house : Don 't ask for a bunch of money back at closing . They came in waaaay low and then asked for 3 % back at closing . They also asked for the washer and dryer and some furniture we have in the attic . Um . . . no . So the dance begins . We countered and they countered again , and they still wanted that 3 % back . The proverbial ball is in our court now . They didn 't give us a time limit for the counter - counter ( or would it be the counter - counter - counter ? I 'm losing count already . . . ) . First of all , they don 't need that much money to close - - more like half that . They won 't need to buy anything for house . We are leaving the fridge , dishwasher , range , window treatments and even an area rug in the dining room . I actually do want them to keep the washer and dryer , but we are trying to use it as leverage . Hell , after talking to my Mother - in - Law about it , they can keep the damn dressers in the attic as well . Second , there is no way we are going to let go of a chunk of our profit . We 're talking over $ 3 , 000 here . I never thought we were going to make a pile of money selling this house , but I sure as hell won 't be handing over enough money to get us completely out of debt . The plan is to go into the next house with ZERO debt ( aside from that hag Sallie Mae , but that bitch will be getting a check a month probably until my own children go to college ) . We have a showing scheduled today . Ironically , it is the same realtor who talked another couple out of buying our house . Weird . There 's also another guy interested in a second showing . His sister just happens to have just rented to house next door . He might be coming over today as well . I told my realtor to make sure they all know we have an offer in . This will either scare them off or , best case scenario , get them to hurry up and make an offer of their own . It 's going to be gorgeous Spring day today . The sun will be shining , the breeze will be gently blowing . . . Aat This morning , on my way to the grocery store or " the Jewels " as someone likes to call it , I hit a squirrel . I saw it running across the road in front of me at the last moment and tapped my breaks to try and avoid him . It didn 't work . I heard the unmistakable thud , and when I looked back , his little furry body lay motionless in the street . I 've only hit one other living thing in my entire driving career . It was a hedgehog . . . I think . I was driving with my husband one night and , one goddamn block from home , I see this flash of something about . 04 of a second before I heard that horrible ka - chunk noise at my front right wheel . I immediately broke down in sobs , barely making it home . I made my husband go back and make sure the little guy wasn 't limping across the road , so he grabbed a shovel on his way out the door . " What are you going to do with that ? ! " I blubbered . " Scrape it off the road and throw it under a bush , of course . " He 's so romantic . When he got back he told me that the hedgehog ( or whatever it was ) was dead and he gave it a proper scraping / bush toss . Years later he fessed up and told me that it wasn 't all the way dead when he got down there , and the shovel became a multi - tasker that night . Apparently I have become something of a heartless bitch as hitting the squirrel today pissed me off more than upset me . I drive that road at least once a day everyday , and now I am going to have to be reminded of the carnage on a regular basis . There is an upside to all of this though . Hitting that squirrel may have been just the magic spell to get my house sold . A few hours later , I got a call from my realtor . It seems the people who came to see the house today are most likely going to put in an offer ! I don 't want to get too excited , but this very well could be it . Who knew all it would take was a little animal sacrifice ? I 've been mulling over the idea of hitting a few more puffy - tailed rodents in the hopes of getting over asking price . I always swore I wouldn 't be the type of parent who dumbed down or sugar - coated things for my kids . I mean , there is such a thing as discussing certain topics on an age - appropriate level , but you 're never going to hear me utter anything in the realm of " Goldfish / Doggy / Toy , etc . Heaven " , and definitely no storks or angelsA couple of years ago Mina got the whole ' girls have a vagina / boys have a penis ' spiel . I 'm glad she knows the right words and isn 't afraid to use them . Also , sometimes when we 're really lucky , it provides a good amount of comedy . The other night the girls were getting out of the tub when Mina decided we were having a party . " It 's a farty party , Mama ! " My husband and I tried to hide our admittedly immature giggling . " It 's a farty party , farty party , farty party ! It 's a BUTT party ! " This sent us into all out laughter , which only egged her on more . " Vagina ! Vagina ! Penis party , penis party , PEEEEE - NIS ! " Maybe it was the beer I had with dinner , but I was cackling at this point . Jim joked with her , " I LOVE peanuts ! " " No Daddy ! PEE - nis . " " Yeah , peanuts ! I think peanuts are great ! " Mina got really angry at this point which only made me laugh harder . " Don 't you know what a penis is , Daddy ? ! You have a penis ! " After Jim took Audrey out of the bathroom and into her room , Mina sat down next to me looking truly concerned . " Mama , doesn 't he know ? You really need to have a talk with Daddy about his penis . " When I first started at the last salon I worked at , I was still rebuilding my clientele from my first maternity leave . GOD FORBID a hairstylist takes some time off to have an 8lb . 1oz . box - shaped baby drug out of her vagina with giant salad tongs . I lost some clients during my maternity leave , then switched salons and lost a few more . It happens . My first day , my coworkers filled me in on " The Coupon Debacle " . There was this receptionist who I 'll call Sherri . Sherri wasn 't the brightest gal you 'd ever meet . She was young and pretty , but mostly clueless . One day , several months before , the Big Brothers / Big Sisters people called the shop and asked to speak to the manager . Boss Lady was busy and told Sherri to " take care of it " ( not the smartest move on her part ) . Apparently , the BBBS people wanted to know if the salon would care to donate a haircut to their fundraiser . I 'm not sure if Sherri gave the go ahead or if Boss Lady gave the nod . Either way , BBBS got their donation . Sounds like a nice thing to do for the good of the community , right ? Yes , except that what they were actually asking for was WAY more than that . As it turns out , it wasn 't just one gift certificate they were asking for . The free haircut was part of a ' coupon book ' they were printing up . They sold them around town for $ 25 to raise money - - and there were 1 , 000 of them . ONE THOUSAND . The $ 25 people paid for the whole damn booklet wouldn 't have covered a single haircut at the salon , and now there were 1 , 000 of them floating around town . Feeling bad for Boss Lady , I told her I 'd be happy to fill some of my down time ( which at that point , I had plenty of ) with the free haircut coupon people . I should have kept my mouth shut . One afternoon I had a coupon cut on my book and didn 't think anything of it until she walked in followed by her husband . She was morbidly obese , dressed in grey jersey knit shorts pulled up almost level with her imposing , unrestrained breasts . The t - shirt was my favorite part : Tweety Bird in a feather boa with the words " HOT STUFF " splayedat . . . or maybe just an anal retentive fu - reak . Could go either way . I am meticulous about my checkbook . If I don 't balance to the penny I will scrutinize the ledger until I find the culprit . I can 't let it go until I figure it out . A few days ago I pulled up my online ledger to check it against my hard copy version and the online account said I had over two hundred more dollars than I had written down . Always one to look a gift horse in the mouth , I immediately assumed it was a mistake on the bank 's part . There was no way I had more money than I thought . I finally figured it out today . I wrote the March gas bill down twice ( yes , our gas bill is over two hundred dollars , and that 's with the " levelized payment plan " thingy ) . The sad part is that I was way too excited about it . Not because I now have an extra two hundred dollars to pay the bills , but because I finally figured out what went wonky . Is this exciting for you to read about ? Certainly not . But it made my freakin ' day . Last week at the grocery store , I ran into our old neighbors . Unfortunately , it wasn 't with the car . When we bought our current house , these people had only lived in it for 4 months . Through their realtor we found out that the husband ( Chuck ) had had some heart problems and his doctor told him , " No stairs , no mowing the lawn , and no fast food . " So they had to move to avoid two out of the three . We took full advantage of this information by only paying two thousand dollars more than they paid for it . I know they took a bath on the transaction . I felt a little guilty for practically ripping off an sick old dude and his wife , but all 's fair in love and real estate . About six months after we moved into our house , we got new neighbors next door . I was outside , playing with the dogs when I saw an older couple waving at me from across the fence . " Remember us ? ! " a witchy haired crone hollered , a sack of greasy fast food in her claw . " Uh . . . . " " It 's us ! Chuck and Cindy ! We sold you your house ! " I was instantly bewildered . The house next door , except for less square footage and one less bathroom , is an exact replica of our house . The not - so - secret information their former real estate agent played in my head . Why would they buy a two story house with a big yard ? Why , when they had almost the same thing less than a year ago ? Why ? I was wasting time wondering about these issues when there would be a whole host of others to contemplate in the years to come . For instance , why would they rip out a perfectly good fence , tear up the grass next to the driveway , then fill it in with gravel ? Answer : So they could pull their truck up that extra 10 feet to the back door . I think they were afraid the Wendys , McDonalds , or Hardees they ate almost every day would get cold if they had to carry it too far . Also , I don 't think they wanted to get any inadvertent exercise . Answer # 2 : So their beautiful golden - white Labrador wouldn 't have the joy of romping in a big back yard , but would instead be locked up in an 8x8 pen . Wouldn 't want the dog to get any iat I was feeling kinda ' Britney this week , but I 'm all better now . My mom got my husband season tickets for the Chicago Fire for Xmas . Their opener is tonight , so he took the kids up to Grandma and Grandpa 's to get a head start on Easter , and I get the whole house to myself until tomorrow morning ( when I will join them ) . The silence is deafening , and I 'm loving every minute of it . Normally I would take this time to catch up on housework , but that 's already been taken care of considering we had a rush of looky - loos over the past few days . I literally have nothing I have to do . I get to do whatever I damn well please . No one to answer to , get a sippy cup for , or who 's butt to wipe . I can put something away and it isn 't laying all over the floor 2 seconds after I turn around . I can make a phone call and not have to do a thousand other things at the same time . I can run around yelling " fuck " and " cocksucker " with abandon . Oh , sweet freedom ! So the question is , do I go out and get a pedicure before or after some internet porn ? Dear M . B . , When I worked with you I found you to be clueless at best , but mostly an annoying twit . Your holier - than - thou attitude grated on my nerves every day that I had to work near you . As much as I tried to avoid conversation with you , tight quarters demanded our interaction . When you vehemently explained to me that no Jewish people went to work in the Twin Towers on 9 / 11 because they were " tipped off " to the attacks , I didn 't stab you in the eye with a fork like I wanted to , but instead gently explained to you that your information was wrong . I know you still didn 't believe me . When you told me that you and your husband took the door off your sixteen year old son 's bedroom , I didn 't ask you how he was supposed to masturbate in private . Instead I bit my tongue because I wouldn 't want to extend anything resembling an invitation for you to share your parenting tips with me . When I saw you after I quit that job and you accused me of " jumping ship " after our boss revealed she had cancer , I let it go - - though I shouldn 't have seeing how you did the exact same thing a few weeks later . By the way , my leaving didn 't kill her . The three packs a day for 40 years did . I have never and will never tell you all of this because I can be what they call in the business a " grown up " . Just know that every time I drive past your church , or " Hall " as you guys call it , I transmit silent ' fuck you ' vibes your way . I kind of feel sorry for you in that your religion prohibits voting . At the same time , one less fundie at the polling station bodes well for me . When the magical JW spaceship comes down to take you and yours to Planet Watchtower , I 'll be here on Earth dancing around in my underwear stuffing birthday cake into my mouth , handing out rainbow flags and free abortions . Cheers , Chaylene My dogs are either lazy or have a heightened sense of self - importance . I think it 's both . They think they deserve a " treat " ( read : doggy biscuit ) for simply mustering up the gumption to sit by my feet when I go out on the back porch to smoke . What they lack in work ethic though , they more than make up for in cuteness ( and bad breath ) . I won 't lie . I just wanted to post some pictures of my dogs . My house still hasn 't sold , and the beginnings of panic are starting to set in . I 'm starting to see more and more SOLD signs around town and I can 't help buy wonder why mine hasn 't . I truly think we have done everything within our power ( and budget ) to make this home more than marketable . Aside from picking it up and putting it on a quieter street , there is nothing more to be done . At Saturday 's open house , a couple showed up and seemed to really like it . My real estate agent said the wife was " in love with the kitchen " and that they told her they had been checking the house out on the realty website . It 's a good sign , but a even better sign would say " SOLD " and be parked on my front lawn . I keep getting positive feedback from friends and even other realtors , and that does tend to boost morale , but it still doesn 't change the fact that we haven 't gotten a single offer in the 8 weeks we 've been on the market . I 'm trying not to let this whole process completely take over my life , but that 's hard to do when you are as compulsive and controlling as I am . I want to start shopping for window treatments and paint and the washer and dryer we 'll need in the new house . I want to start planting some flowers and playing in our new back yard . I want to pull into my new driveway and use the automatic garage door opener ( never had one of those before ! ) . Do we need to advertise more ? Do we need to offer more incentives ? What are we not doing that we should be ? Any and all advice , back patting and handholding will be accepted .
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Jealousy and Flirtation by Haynes KingI am not a jealous person . Nor have I ever been with a jealous person . I have seen jealousy ruin otherwise good relationships of friends and former roommates before though . One excuse I 've heard several times to justify jealous is : It 's not that I don 't trust him / her ; I just don 't trust other men / women . Oh yes , on the surface it may seem that you 're being concerned and protective using this line of reasoning , but what you 're really saying is that you don 't trust you partner to handle the situation in an appropriate way . You 're using your insecurity to rationalize controlling your partner . My college roommate had a really jealous boyfriend . They had been together since high school but he went to a different college . He would drive down to our school every weekend to be with her . On the weekends he couldn 't be with her , he told her he didn 't want her going out because he didn 't trust other guys . He didn 't even want her going out with me . On the rare occasions she would go out anyway , he would page her ( this was before cell phones ) every fifteen minutes to " check up " on her . She almost got kicked out of the movies once because she wouldn 't turn off her pager , because if she did , he 'd get mad . After a year , he gave up a diving scholarship and transferred to our school so he could " look out " for her . You can probably guess how this story ends . She dumped him and eventually married one of his friends . On the other end of the spectrum : When Chuk and I had been dating for about six months he told me that two of his friends were going to be staying with him for " awhile " until they could find an apartment . By staying with him , he meant they 'd be sharing his room . It just so happened that both of these friends were women , and one was his ex - girlfriend . Obviously , I wasn 't too happy with this situation , but he didn 't ask me for my opinion , he just told me that that was what was happening . I thought about objecting , as I think most people would in my situation , but ultimately I decided againsPosted by Just because Chuk and I are living on one income doesn 't mean we don 't still want to date and find ways to connect with one another . Often times we just find ways to do that around the apartment . No , I didn 't mean it that way . Get your mind out of the gutter ! I meant we 'll watch a movie or play a board game . But sometimes we want to go out , too . One date that has proven to be surprisingly rewarding for us as a couple has been going to Costco . Yes , you read that right . We go on dates at Costco . I told you I loved everything about Costco . The date usually starts with dinner . We can get two big slices of pizza and a soda to share for just under $ 5 at the food court . Or we can get two hot dogs and two sodas for just over $ 3 , and I 'm including tax in these figures . After a leisurely dinner spent people - watching - - incidentally , guessing what people 's lives are like based on what 's in their baskets is immensely fun - - we 'll start to browse . We go up and down the aisles talking about what we want and why . We imagine our life in the future and share our dreams for what we want . We both dream of owning a home . Chuk sees a big screen TV and talks about how he hopes the house will have a basement where he can honor his passion for sports by displaying all his Steelers and Capitals memorabilia , hang up his dart board that has been languishing in a closet since we moved to this small apartment , and , of course , watch sports on a big screen . I see a garden hose that coils itself back up after use and tell him about how I would love to have a backyard garden one day where I could learn to grow fruit trees and maybe some easy vegetables . Right now I 'm thinking orange , lemon , and avocado trees and tomato , cucumber , and pumpkin plants . I 'd also have big peony bushes in the front because peonies are my favorite flower . We walk down a few more aisles . I see furniture and tell him how I want to decorate . He sees tools and tells me it would be fun if we learned to make the furniture together . Eventually , we get to the food section and the date Posted by You know you 're getting old when you start thinking things like , " Those darn kids with their loud rock music . " I 'm not quiet at that point yet , but I 'm getting close . I don 't know if it 's just me , but it seems like the background noise of society is getting louder and louder . Commercials on TV seems ridiculously loud . The " elevator music " played in shops , restaurants , and yes , elevators is so loud I often feel like I 'm in a nightclub , shouting to talk to the person I 'm with . When walking or waiting in lobbies , I hear loud conversations between people I don 't know about things I wish to know nothing about . On buses and subways I hear the bleed through of those darned kids ' loud rock ( or hip hip ) music . I 've started coping with this by carrying earplugs with me wherever I go . I 'll admit that at first , they 're a little uncomfortable , but as you become more accustomed to having something in your ear , you can no longer feel them . Since I 've been carrying them with me , I 've been surprised at how often I reach for them . I can still hear the things I need or want to hear - - like someone speaking to me , but I hear a lot less of the background noise that I don 't want to hear . I use this brand of earplugs from my local drugstore . I 'm not paid or endorsed by this company in any way , I 'm just vouching that they 're one ( of many ) good brands and conveniently come with their own carrying case . Carrying earplugs works for me . My husband and I have been emailing back and forth to help the day pass more quickly , which includes making plans to have lunch together tomorrow at Dupont Circle . He suggested we go get a Krispy Kreme donut for dessert afterwards . I quickly agreed and then thought , " I bet we could make donuts . " Then I realized , " We could probably make anything . " This apparently is the week for realizing the obvious . But seriously , have you ever realized that if there 's a food you like , you could probably just make it ? I 've always been into cooking , but I don 't think I 've ever framed it in that way . It 's empowering to think that if I eat at a delicious restaurant I can try to emulate the food instead of saving up my pennies to go out to eat there again . One time I was talking to my BFF on the phone and he said in the most earnest voice ever , " Meg , I just realized something . Windows are walls that you can see through . " I laughed at him and then I was like , " Totally , Dude . " That 's probably why we 're friends . ( And that 's how I talk in real life . Sad , but true . ) Do you ever have revelations of the obvious ? Posted by I 'm doing this meme as part of Friend Makin ' Mondays . The Simple Woman 's DaybookOutside my window . . . I see grey skies and traffic . I am thinking . . . . about next weekend . I am thankful . . . to have work this week . I am reading . . . The Washington Examiner and The Beautiful Soul of John Woolman , Apostle of Abolition . I am creating . . . blog entries ! From the kitchen . . . this weekend came sourdough bread that wasn 't heavy , hopefully the starter will create pizza crust later this week . Around the house . . . I 'm air drying my laundry . My living room looks like a normal person 's backyard on a breezy , sunny spring day . One of my favorite things . . . new crisp , clean sheets on the bed . Nothings feels quite as delicious as sliding into a fresh bed . A few plans for the rest of the week . . . I 'm working for the rest of the week at this temp job that I do not like , but this is my last scheduled week of work . So I plan on applying for more jobs and getting ready for my cousin 's visit , our annual Super Bowl party , our trip to New York next month , and making some decisions about international travel plans for the rest of the year . It was a good weekend : we played bocce ball and were finally successful at making bread on Saturday , on Sunday we ran errands and went to the movies ; the latter is a rare treat . But today . . . ugh , today it is dark and rainy . I want to be in bed with hot chocolate , pizza , and my cat . Weird , I know , but this is my fantasy . You can have your own un - weird fantasy . Here 's hoping you make it through this Monday . You know how being an adult sucks like 99 % of the time ? You have to go to work . You have to clean the smelly stuff out of the fridge . You have to pay bills . You have to worry about insurance . The list continues ad nauseam . At 6 : 15 am I discovered one awesome thing about being an adult : I can do whatever I want . I had just finished eating my oatmeal and was rinsing my bowl out in the sink and suddenly I really wanted a grilled cheese sandwich . My first thought was , " You can 't have a grilled cheese sandwich . It 's 6 : 15 in the morning and you just ate breakfast . " My second thought was , " Who cares ? I can do whatever I want . " ( Yes , I back - talked myself . ) What an amazing realization ! Adults can do whatever they want . I can stay up as late as I want . I can go out on school nights . I don 't have to do my chores until I feel like it . I can 't be grounded . Whatever I want . Even if I want to eat a grilled cheese sandwich before sunrise , I can do it . So suck it , kids with your carefree lifestyles ! Being an adult is awesome . What do you love about being an adult ? Since I 've already told you all about my deodorant , I thought I 'd just go ahead and make this TMI week here at Unintended Housewife . When my in - laws were here last weekend , we did our Christmas gift exchange . As usual , I got a crisp $ 50 bill , among other things ! Guess what I 'm going to do with it . What I do with it every year : buy new bras . For a long time I adjusted my bras incorrectly . Once I figured out what I was doing wrong , it changed everything . I 'm voluptuous , so support is important . When you buy a new bra , find one that feels a little tight on the loosest hook . Bras stretch over time , so you want to be able to use the tighter hooks as the bra loses elasticity . Most of the bra 's support should be coming from the back , not the straps . If you 've got your straps cinched tightly or they 're digging into your shoulders , it 's probably an indication that you need a smaller back size . Loosen the straps , but tighten the back . It will feel better instantly . Though the back size you 're wearing is probably too big , your cup size is probably too small . The cup should hold all of your breast tissue , including the tissue on the sides and at the top . I can 't tell you how many women I see with quad - boobs because their bra cup is cutting into their breast . ( Yes , I can see it through their tight shirts . ) Even if you know your size , you should still try bras on before you buy because each manufacturer makes each bra differently . This drives me crazy because I prefer shopping online , but I always try bras on . If you 're going to wear a white or light colored top , choose a nude bra . I once had an ex - boyfriend who called these " granny - colored " bras . They may not be sexy , but they 're very necessary . White shows through white . Similarly , if you 're wearing a dark top , it 's best to wear either a nude bra or a black bra because a light colored bra shows through black clothing if a flash photograph is taken . I recently had another " no duh " moment . I shower at night , but put my deodorant on in the morning when I get dressed . All these years I had been keeping my deodorant in the bathroom , because , well , that 's where deodorant goes , right ? Well , it finally occurred to me , that the number one rule of organization - - store it where you use it - - could apply to my deodorant too . I 'm now keeping my deodorant in my bedroom , where it is so much more convenient and streamlines my getting ready in the morning . This idea probably won 't work for everybody , especially those who shower in the morning , but it works for me . We had two big projects this weekend . First , my in - laws stayed with us for three days and yes , it was a project . Let me just say that I don 't know who raised my husband because he is the happiest , most easy - going guy and they , well , are not . Our other project didn 't turn out so well either , but we made the best of it , too . Chuk and I attempted to make sourdough bread for the first time ever . Things seemed to be going well , until the second rising when the loaves just didn 't rise very much . My mother - in - law said they would rise more in the oven . She was wrong . Wow , that is some ugly bread ! The flavor of the bread was good , but the texture was not what we were looking for . We wanted chewy , airy loaves and instead got heavy , dense loaves . But because we don 't like to waste anything , we turned the bread into a dish we couldn 't stop eating on our trip to the Baltics a couple of years ago . It is called kepta duona in Lithuanian . I can 't remember what they are called in Estonian or Latvian . In the Baltics it 's served as an appetizer with beer , but I think it 's hearty enough for a ( heart - attack inducing ) vegetarian main course . It 's shallow fried bread with garlic and cheese , so you know right off the bat it 's good . Kepta DuonaDense BreadChopped GarlicMild White Cheese ( Jack or Mozzarella ) SaltOilSlice the bread into long , thin fingers while you 're heating 1 / 2 " of oil in a pan on the stove to medium high heat . Fry your bread in batches until each strip is toasty and golden on both sides , being careful not to crowd the pan . As you remove the bread strips from the pan , drain them on paper towels and salt them like they 're French fries then throw on LOTS of chopped garlic . Finally , sprinkle shredded cheese on top and allow to melt before eating . ( I used cheddar because that 's all I had defrosted . They use a milder cheese in the Baltics . ) Are you salivating yet ? I am . I wasn 't kidding when I said heart attack on a plate , but I 'm not advocating you eat these everyday and they 're not much worse than garlic cheese fries , which was myPosted by In September 1947 , my maternal grandparents got married in Mexico because it was illegal for them to marry in the United States . My grandmother was an immigrant from the Philippines and my grandfather was an American . From 1913 - 1948 , 30 out of 48 states banned interracial marriage and it wasn 't until 1967 that the U . S . Supreme Court ruled all anti - miscegenation laws unconstitutional . My grandparents made a life for themselves in Louisiana , eventually having seven children . My mother , born in 1949 , was the oldest . Her features were more South Asian - looking than Caucasian . She tells stories about the 1950s , when other children used to chase her and throw rocks at her calling her " N ! gger " because of her dark skin . From 1942 - 1945 , 120000 people of Japanese descent living in the U . S . were removed from their homes and placed in internment camps . In the early 1960s , my paternal grandparents , my uncle and my father moved to Japan when the army stationed my grandfather there . They decided to adopt my aunt from a Japanese orphanage , and when they discovered a year later that she had a biological brother , an orphan being raised in a Buddhist monastery , they adopted him too . When the family was re - stationed back in the U . S . in the mid - 1960s , my grandmother 's sister would no longer speak to her because she " didn 't trust the Japanese " and her distrust extended to her five and seven year old niece and nephew . In September 2001 , I came to Washington for the first time and stood in the exact spot where Martin Luther King Jr . delivered his " I Have a Dream " speech 38 years earlier , looked out over the Mall , and got goosebumps . In January 2009 , I stood at the WWII Memorial and watched Barrack Obama stand on those same steps leading up to the Lincoln Memorial , where I had stood and Dr . King had stood , and listened to him talk about change in America . Two days later , at the other end of the Mall , I listened to him again , this time taking the oath of office as our first interracial president . For two years people had been asking , " Is AmerPosted by I hear the same myths about entertaining over and over again . It 's expensive . It 's a lot of work . I 'm just not very good at it . I don 't have a big enough kitchen . If you 've ever thought any of those things I have one word to say to you : hogwash ! I 'm lazy , bad at smalltalk , have almost no money , a small apartment and a tiny kitchen and I have people over anyway . I want to debunk some common myths about " entertaining " and encourage you to do it more . It 's expensive . You might find it hard to believe , but having people over saves me money . You 're going to see your friends one way or another and your choices are pretty much go out and see them or have them over . ( You could go to their place , but if you do that every time , you 're just becoming a mooch . Consult Miss Manners about reciprocating hospitality . ) I can 't think of a single scenario when entertaining at home is more expensive than hosting an even of a similar caliber away from home . I can host a movie night for six for $ 5 . That 's less than the cost of a small popcorn at the theater . I can throw a dinner party for four for the cost of an appetizer at Olive Garden . The cost goes down even further if you have a potluck . It 's a lot of work . As I 've stated many , many times I 'm pretty much the laziest person who ever existed . If I can do it , you can do it . Besides , it 's really not that much work . Clean up your home ; text your friends ; turn on the radio ; and open a bag of chips and a jar of salsa . Voila ! You 've just had a party in four easy steps . Yes , sometimes ( oftentimes ) I add more steps or make the steps more complicated , but honestly , you don 't have to . Do you really want to be friends with someone who is going to judge you for not dusting the tops of your picture frames or because you didn 't make a centerpiece ? No , you don 't . And guess what , they 're not going to judge you for those things because they think you 're awesome and want to hang out with you . Also , because you 're giving them free beer . ( If you 're going to add steps , that 's a good one to add . ) Make it evenPosted by How much do you spend at the store ? While my mom and her husband were visiting us over the holidays , I told them how much we budget for food , toiletries , cleaning supplies , etc . and my mom said , " I don 't know how you can live like that . " It was surprising to me 1 . because it seemed kind of bitchy and rude and 2 . because based on what I 've read of other people 's budgets on their blogs , I thought we spent a lot more than other people . So I 'm going to ask you a personal question : What 's your food budget and how do you break down your expenses ? Because I know you 're not going to tell me anything unless I tell you first , I 'll start . We budget $ 300 / month for a category we call " food " . This includes basically everything we buy at a grocery or drugstore ( including non - edibles ) and eating out . We eat out maybe twice a month , and that figure includes fast food . Things from the stores include all the ingredients for the food we make at home , cat food , paper goods , cleaning supplies ( mostly laundry detergent , vinegar , and baking soda ) , shampoo and other toiletries , but not my cosemetics because I like the fancy stuff . Sometimes we spend more than the $ 300 , but sometimes we spend less . These figures are for two adults and a cat and our frequent guests . ( We have people over probably 2 - 3 times per month . ) Now it 's your turn . I really , REALLY want to know how much you spend so I can tell how well ( or not well ) I 'm doing . Do you keep track of your food and non - edible groceries seperately like Amy Dacyczyn ? Is your going out to eat budget separate from your grocery food budget ? What about your entertaining budget ? Do you budget at all ? And while I 'm being nosy , how often do you eat out ? Please share in comments ( you can do it anonymously ! ) so we can all learn . This will give the low - spenders encouragement to keep on keepin ' on and the high spenders a target for what they can achieve . . . and hopefully tips for how to get there . Posted by 1 . This quote from Dolly Parton : " I 'm not going to limit myself just because people won 't accept the fact that I can do something else . " 2 . These ideas for committing random acts of happiness . I 'm totally going to start doing these " missions " . Operation BeautifulYou Are RemarkableOperation Nice3 . My sister sent me this link last week and it 's been cracking me up ever since . Seriously , I laugh so hard that I cry . Chuk doesn 't think it 's laugh - out - loud funny ; if profanity bothers you , you won 't think it 's funny either . It has R - rated language and themes ; don 't say I didn 't warn you . One of the best ways to save money in the kitchen is to waste NOTHING . The best tool to help you do this ( besides your creativity ) is a rubber spatula . I use it to get the last bit of batter from the bowl and to get the reside from the sides of cans and jars . If your containers don 't look clean after getting the food out , you haven 't gotten all the food out yet . You can get an extra cookie or muffin from the sides of a bowl and whole extra serving out of an " empty " jar of peanut butter , mayonnaise , jam , tomato sauce , etc . just by scraping with a spatula . That 's real food you 'd otherwise be throwing away . My spatulas work for me ; I use them everyday . Little by little , they have more than paid for themselves over the years in food savings . What tools save you money ? I recently read this article and it made me mad . The central thesis is that the good life is made up of $ 5 coffee , gourmet supermarket food , $ 3 , 000 handbags , and McMansions and now that hard economic realities have forced many of us to give up " paying a premium for food and clothing , popping for lavish trips and entertainment or taking out a mortgage for way more house than we needed " the good times are over . First of all , that assumes that everyone who could do those things when the market was flush did them and I don 't think they did . What about all those people who chose ( and continue to choose ) voluntary simplicity , who drink water ( from the tap , gasp ! ) instead of buying coffee out , who have no desire for a handbag with someone else 's initials on it , and who read the fine print on their mortgage before signing on the dotted line ? And even for those who are recent converts to coupon clipping , staycations , and free redbox codes , who says their lives are any less rich just because their bank accounts are smaller ? While the economic downturn has meant many of us are having to make do with fewer material comforts , the big surprise is that it has brought more intangible comforts . For me , unemployment has meant more family time , less rushing about , more appreciation for what I do have , and a greater sense of contentment . I would be lying if I said that I never felt bummed about not being able to buy something I wanted or that I didn 't miss going on vacation more frequently , but I try to temper those negative feelings with a sense of satisfaction that I have less clutter and more quality time at home . The good life isn 't gone , it 's just different . What do you think ? Can you still have the good life without extra cash ? What constitutes the good life for you ? I want to take a moment to thank everyone who commented on this post about changing one 's name . I think it 's really interesting to hear everyone 's story and the reasons they chose to either change or keep their name . It shows how much diversity there is in this world and the factors that influence our decisions . I really appreciated everyone taking the time to share . Now that I 've mentioned sharing , some readers have said they want to know more about me and I 've responded by trying to write more about my thoughts on certain topics or things that are going on in my life , but I don 't know if that 's what you had in mind . Are there specific things you want to know or do you just want more of the same - - me blabbing on about whatever pops into my head ? Is there anything you want me to stop writing about ? You know how they say Disneyland is the happiest place on earth ? Not for me . For me , Costco is my happy place . If bigamy was legal ( and marrying inanimate objects was legal ) , I would marry Costco , even though we were in a fight for like three months . ( Seriously Costco , why 'd you put out Christmas stuff before Labor Day ? Not cool . You know I don 't like to see anything Christmas - y until after Thanksgiving . ) One of the many , many things I love about Costco is their food court . Yummy , yummy food for great prices . ( Their pizza is one of my favorite pizzas ever and it only costs $ 10 for a giant one ! ) But even though the prices are great , they 're not free . Apparently someone doesn 't know that though . I have seen the same man steal soda from Costco on three separate trips . He takes a free cup , which is only supposed to be for water , and fills it with soda . A soda with unlimited refills only costs $ 0 . 59 . I know stealing is always wrong , but stealing something that is so cheap seems extra wrong to me . This pisses me off 1 ) because I don 't like to see my boyfriend ( Costco ) getting ripped off , and 2 ) because there 's always some guy who has to ruin it for the rest of us . I often use the free water cups ( FOR WATER ) but if people keep stealing soda with them , then I think Costco will stop providing them . I would confront the man , but he 's hella old and uses a walker . I 'm intimidated by the walker . What would you do if you saw this ? Where is your happy place ? " What 's in a name ? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet . " Juliet agrees with me ! We rarely get paper mail from people we know and like anymore , so this isn 't normally an issue , but in December , when we were getting seasonal cards , I can 't tell you how many were addressed to Mr . and Mrs . Chuk Chuksmith . ( Note : His first name isn 't really Chuk and his last name isn 't Chuksmith ; I 'm just trying to make a point . ) What is most odd to me about this situation is that every single person who addressed the envelopes knows I didn 't change my last name when I got married . It 's not that I find this offensive , but I do find it puzzling . What 's so wrong with not changing my name ? Why do they care ? Why are they unwilling to comply with my preference ? Their actions send me the message that they don 't approve of my choice . I don 't need their approval , but it makes me feel the need to educate . Unfortunately for you , I can 't sit down with each of them and explain my numerous reasons , so I 'm educating the public at - large . My name is a connection to my family of origin . My father died very unexpectedly less than two months after I got engaged . I never got to say goodbye . His last name is something of his that I can " carry " with me everyday . I got married when I was 29 . Being an older bride , my achievements are in my maiden name . Degrees , references , publications , and professional history have a hard time staying associated with you if you change you name . I got my Master 's degree three months before I was engaged ; earning it was incredibly hard work ; I want that diploma hanging on my office wall to have my name on it , not my former name . I 'm involved in some complicated legal issues involving my late father 's and late grandparents ' estates ; changing my name midway through would cost more money and complicate things further and it 's already hard enough for me to deal with that crap as it is . Changing your name is time - consuming and I 'm lazy . Historically , the reason women 's names were changed when they married wPosted by The cold weather I 'm experiencing doesn 't appear to be isolated to my region ; it seems nearly the entire northern hemisphere is having an unusually cold winter . Here are some ideas that are working for me in coping with the chilly conditions : Bundling Up : The vast majority of people I hear complaining about the weather are people who are wearing far fewer clothes than I am . If you 're in a mini - skirt with only one pair of tights on , I don 't want to hear about how cold you are . I 'm an advocate of layers , preferably in animal - derived fabrics like wool , cashmere , leather and silk . Cotton just isn 't as good an insulator . I like " performance " fabrics too ( man - made fabrics that are engineered with special insulating and / or wicking properties ) , but find that these tend to be pricey and don 't integrate into my everyday wardrobe as easily . If you have ethical concerns about animal fabrics , these are an especially good option . My general formula for layers on the top are shirt + sweater + coat and then double at least one of the components . For instance , today I 'm wearing two shirts , one sweater , a blazer and a coat . Bonus : Layers are in style this season ! In cold weather , I always wear at least two pairs of pants ( silk thermal pants under regular pants being my favorite combination ) but have had success wearing up to four pairs of pants . ( Unlike most people whose hands or feet normally get cold , I 'm a freak and it 's my legs that are always cold . ) Also , your mom was right ; wear a hat . Top the whole look off with a scarf and gloves . Thoughts on gloves : Commit to one style of gloves for the rest of your life . That way when ( not if ) you lose a glove , you can save the one you still have and match it when subsequent pairs of gloves lose their mate . I prefer cashmere lined black leather gloves . Dry Skin , Nails , and Hair : Where I live , cold weather means very low humidity which causes my skin to become very dry . I 've even had my skin crack open and bleed from dryness . Showering less frequently is one way to reduce skin 's dry , itchy feelinPosted by Isn 't goal so much less intimidating than " resolution " ? Improve relationshipI love my husband , but I 'm not going to lie and say every second of every day is wonderful and marvolous . You know what I mean ? ( If you don 't , email me immediately because I 'm seriously interested in what you 're doing in your relationship . ) We disagree about certain issues and he does stuff that bugs me . In short , there are things I want him to change . ( Note , I fully acknowledge that I also do stuff that bugs him and there are things he wants me to change , too . ) This year , I want to persuade him to change those behaviors , change my behavior , and generally grow our love . Get healthierWhen I was an undergrad , I would go to parties almost every weekend and dance ( enthusiastic , booty - shaking dancing ) for four hours without stopping . A year ago , I started getting winded during a one and a half hour ballroom dance class . In November , at a wedding , I got tired from dancing after three songs . I need to build my stamina back up . I also need to lose some weight . Two words : portion control . Make a new friendWhen I moved to D . C . , I didn 't know a single person here . I made some friends , but no one I felt really close to . Then even all those not - so - close friends moved away over the last year or two . ( This is a notoriously transient area . ) I want to make a close friend , someone I can not only hang out with , but someone in whom I can confide . I have Chuk , but I want someone else besides him . Get a jobThis isn 't totally in my hands , but I can work harder to achieve it . I still have a good prospect for a permanent job , a current temp assignment , a strategy , and a plan . Though the unemployment rate keeps rising , the improving economy gives me hope that the job market will turn around this year . " I 'm a great believer in luck and I find the harder I work , the more I have of it . " - Thomas JeffersonLearn to sewI got a sewing machine for my birthday and want to learn how to use it . Though the process seems intuitive enough , the lowest grade I ever got in junior highPosted by The last days of 2009 : We went to see the National Christmas Tree , where Chuk and my aunt 's husband Steve made snow angels on the ellipse and we had our picture taken with Santa . There were a LOT of presents and a lot of food ( on my inherited china ) on Christmas Day . We went to George Washington 's home , Mt . Vernon . I wore two pairs of pants , three sweaters and a coat ; Chuk wore shorts . It was 17 degrees with wind chill . ( These pictures have forced me to acknowledge my coat is very unflattering . ) We took a road trip to Thomas Jefferson 's home , Monticello . Another cold day , but it was nice to see it in another season besides summer . It was decorated with beautiful fruit wreaths . We also went to the Smithsonian 's Air & Space Museum , to see the movie Avatar in 3 - D , had lunch with a dear friend who was in town briefly from San Diego , watched our beloved Caps practice , and went wig shopping in Old Town Alexandria . ( I didn 't get a wig , but my aunt did . ) I finally made a snowman ( ! ) and ate stingray for the first time . It tasted like a cross between alligator and chicken , but not in the good way . They were full , ( mostly ) happy days . I had high hopes for the new year . Maybe I set the bar too high . I don 't know , but it started off bad . Less than an hour into it , I almost got arrested . I 'm not going to get into it , except to say it was uncalled for . Then I allowed myself to get annoyed at a friend and then at Chuk . I felt mistreated and I was mad at the world . After finally getting to bed around 5 : 30 am , I woke up sometime after noon and felt crappy . I was hoping the slate would be wiped clean in the new year , that I would get a fresh start , and my luck would turn around ; this clearly was not happening . Then , while doing some blog surfing , I came across this post on a blog I had never been to before and something clicked . If I was having a crappy day and was going to interpret that as another crappy year , then it was up to ME to do something about it . My life isn 't going to suddenly get better because a clock ticked over to midnight ; my life is only going to get better if I make it what I want it to be . I walked into the living room where Chuk was watching hockey and said , " Do you want to have a spontaneous adventure right now ? " Both of us were in our pajamas . Less than twenty minutes later we were out the door . He said yes and we had agreed to " go to the ocean . " We decided not to look up directions or use maps , thinking it would be more adventurous to rely solely on the compass in my car . " If we keep going east , eventually we 'll get to the ocean " I reasoned . We ended up at Rehoboth Beach , Delaware after dark , but it didn 't matter . Without the aid of maps , our route was not the most direct . Also , we took brief detours at the Annapolis State House and an ice cream parlor . In the car , we sang along to David Bowie and the Rolling Stones , played a game , talked about our goals for the new year , and watched a beautiful sunset . At the beach , we took a walk in the pitch black night . When suddenly the almost full moon appeared from behind the clouds , we danced in the moonlight . We had dinner in a seafood restaurant and drove back home . Meghan
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Jealousy and Flirtation by Haynes KingI am not a jealous person . Nor have I ever been with a jealous person . I have seen jealousy ruin otherwise good relationships of friends and former roommates before though . One excuse I 've heard several times to justify jealous is : It 's not that I don 't trust him / her ; I just don 't trust other men / women . Oh yes , on the surface it may seem that you 're being concerned and protective using this line of reasoning , but what you 're really saying is that you don 't trust you partner to handle the situation in an appropriate way . You 're using your insecurity to rationalize controlling your partner . My college roommate had a really jealous boyfriend . They had been together since high school but he went to a different college . He would drive down to our school every weekend to be with her . On the weekends he couldn 't be with her , he told her he didn 't want her going out because he didn 't trust other guys . He didn 't even want her going out with me . On the rare occasions she would go out anyway , he would page her ( this was before cell phones ) every fifteen minutes to " check up " on her . She almost got kicked out of the movies once because she wouldn 't turn off her pager , because if she did , he 'd get mad . After a year , he gave up a diving scholarship and transferred to our school so he could " look out " for her . You can probably guess how this story ends . She dumped him and eventually married one of his friends . On the other end of the spectrum : When Chuk and I had been dating for about six months he told me that two of his friends were going to be staying with him for " awhile " until they could find an apartment . By staying with him , he meant they 'd be sharing his room . It just so happened that both of these friends were women , and one was his ex - girlfriend . Obviously , I wasn 't too happy with this situation , but he didn 't ask me for my opinion , he just told me that that was what was happening . I thought about objecting , as I think most people would in my situation , but ultimately I decided againsPosted by Just because Chuk and I are living on one income doesn 't mean we don 't still want to date and find ways to connect with one another . Often times we just find ways to do that around the apartment . No , I didn 't mean it that way . Get your mind out of the gutter ! I meant we 'll watch a movie or play a board game . But sometimes we want to go out , too . One date that has proven to be surprisingly rewarding for us as a couple has been going to Costco . Yes , you read that right . We go on dates at Costco . I told you I loved everything about Costco . The date usually starts with dinner . We can get two big slices of pizza and a soda to share for just under $ 5 at the food court . Or we can get two hot dogs and two sodas for just over $ 3 , and I 'm including tax in these figures . After a leisurely dinner spent people - watching - - incidentally , guessing what people 's lives are like based on what 's in their baskets is immensely fun - - we 'll start to browse . We go up and down the aisles talking about what we want and why . We imagine our life in the future and share our dreams for what we want . We both dream of owning a home . Chuk sees a big screen TV and talks about how he hopes the house will have a basement where he can honor his passion for sports by displaying all his Steelers and Capitals memorabilia , hang up his dart board that has been languishing in a closet since we moved to this small apartment , and , of course , watch sports on a big screen . I see a garden hose that coils itself back up after use and tell him about how I would love to have a backyard garden one day where I could learn to grow fruit trees and maybe some easy vegetables . Right now I 'm thinking orange , lemon , and avocado trees and tomato , cucumber , and pumpkin plants . I 'd also have big peony bushes in the front because peonies are my favorite flower . We walk down a few more aisles . I see furniture and tell him how I want to decorate . He sees tools and tells me it would be fun if we learned to make the furniture together . Eventually , we get to the food section and the date Posted by You know you 're getting old when you start thinking things like , " Those darn kids with their loud rock music . " I 'm not quiet at that point yet , but I 'm getting close . I don 't know if it 's just me , but it seems like the background noise of society is getting louder and louder . Commercials on TV seems ridiculously loud . The " elevator music " played in shops , restaurants , and yes , elevators is so loud I often feel like I 'm in a nightclub , shouting to talk to the person I 'm with . When walking or waiting in lobbies , I hear loud conversations between people I don 't know about things I wish to know nothing about . On buses and subways I hear the bleed through of those darned kids ' loud rock ( or hip hip ) music . I 've started coping with this by carrying earplugs with me wherever I go . I 'll admit that at first , they 're a little uncomfortable , but as you become more accustomed to having something in your ear , you can no longer feel them . Since I 've been carrying them with me , I 've been surprised at how often I reach for them . I can still hear the things I need or want to hear - - like someone speaking to me , but I hear a lot less of the background noise that I don 't want to hear . I use this brand of earplugs from my local drugstore . I 'm not paid or endorsed by this company in any way , I 'm just vouching that they 're one ( of many ) good brands and conveniently come with their own carrying case . Carrying earplugs works for me . My husband and I have been emailing back and forth to help the day pass more quickly , which includes making plans to have lunch together tomorrow at Dupont Circle . He suggested we go get a Krispy Kreme donut for dessert afterwards . I quickly agreed and then thought , " I bet we could make donuts . " Then I realized , " We could probably make anything . " This apparently is the week for realizing the obvious . But seriously , have you ever realized that if there 's a food you like , you could probably just make it ? I 've always been into cooking , but I don 't think I 've ever framed it in that way . It 's empowering to think that if I eat at a delicious restaurant I can try to emulate the food instead of saving up my pennies to go out to eat there again . One time I was talking to my BFF on the phone and he said in the most earnest voice ever , " Meg , I just realized something . Windows are walls that you can see through . " I laughed at him and then I was like , " Totally , Dude . " That 's probably why we 're friends . ( And that 's how I talk in real life . Sad , but true . ) Do you ever have revelations of the obvious ? Posted by I 'm doing this meme as part of Friend Makin ' Mondays . The Simple Woman 's DaybookOutside my window . . . I see grey skies and traffic . I am thinking . . . . about next weekend . I am thankful . . . to have work this week . I am reading . . . The Washington Examiner and The Beautiful Soul of John Woolman , Apostle of Abolition . I am creating . . . blog entries ! From the kitchen . . . this weekend came sourdough bread that wasn 't heavy , hopefully the starter will create pizza crust later this week . Around the house . . . I 'm air drying my laundry . My living room looks like a normal person 's backyard on a breezy , sunny spring day . One of my favorite things . . . new crisp , clean sheets on the bed . Nothings feels quite as delicious as sliding into a fresh bed . A few plans for the rest of the week . . . I 'm working for the rest of the week at this temp job that I do not like , but this is my last scheduled week of work . So I plan on applying for more jobs and getting ready for my cousin 's visit , our annual Super Bowl party , our trip to New York next month , and making some decisions about international travel plans for the rest of the year . It was a good weekend : we played bocce ball and were finally successful at making bread on Saturday , on Sunday we ran errands and went to the movies ; the latter is a rare treat . But today . . . ugh , today it is dark and rainy . I want to be in bed with hot chocolate , pizza , and my cat . Weird , I know , but this is my fantasy . You can have your own un - weird fantasy . Here 's hoping you make it through this Monday . You know how being an adult sucks like 99 % of the time ? You have to go to work . You have to clean the smelly stuff out of the fridge . You have to pay bills . You have to worry about insurance . The list continues ad nauseam . At 6 : 15 am I discovered one awesome thing about being an adult : I can do whatever I want . I had just finished eating my oatmeal and was rinsing my bowl out in the sink and suddenly I really wanted a grilled cheese sandwich . My first thought was , " You can 't have a grilled cheese sandwich . It 's 6 : 15 in the morning and you just ate breakfast . " My second thought was , " Who cares ? I can do whatever I want . " ( Yes , I back - talked myself . ) What an amazing realization ! Adults can do whatever they want . I can stay up as late as I want . I can go out on school nights . I don 't have to do my chores until I feel like it . I can 't be grounded . Whatever I want . Even if I want to eat a grilled cheese sandwich before sunrise , I can do it . So suck it , kids with your carefree lifestyles ! Being an adult is awesome . What do you love about being an adult ? Since I 've already told you all about my deodorant , I thought I 'd just go ahead and make this TMI week here at Unintended Housewife . When my in - laws were here last weekend , we did our Christmas gift exchange . As usual , I got a crisp $ 50 bill , among other things ! Guess what I 'm going to do with it . What I do with it every year : buy new bras . For a long time I adjusted my bras incorrectly . Once I figured out what I was doing wrong , it changed everything . I 'm voluptuous , so support is important . When you buy a new bra , find one that feels a little tight on the loosest hook . Bras stretch over time , so you want to be able to use the tighter hooks as the bra loses elasticity . Most of the bra 's support should be coming from the back , not the straps . If you 've got your straps cinched tightly or they 're digging into your shoulders , it 's probably an indication that you need a smaller back size . Loosen the straps , but tighten the back . It will feel better instantly . Though the back size you 're wearing is probably too big , your cup size is probably too small . The cup should hold all of your breast tissue , including the tissue on the sides and at the top . I can 't tell you how many women I see with quad - boobs because their bra cup is cutting into their breast . ( Yes , I can see it through their tight shirts . ) Even if you know your size , you should still try bras on before you buy because each manufacturer makes each bra differently . This drives me crazy because I prefer shopping online , but I always try bras on . If you 're going to wear a white or light colored top , choose a nude bra . I once had an ex - boyfriend who called these " granny - colored " bras . They may not be sexy , but they 're very necessary . White shows through white . Similarly , if you 're wearing a dark top , it 's best to wear either a nude bra or a black bra because a light colored bra shows through black clothing if a flash photograph is taken . I recently had another " no duh " moment . I shower at night , but put my deodorant on in the morning when I get dressed . All these years I had been keeping my deodorant in the bathroom , because , well , that 's where deodorant goes , right ? Well , it finally occurred to me , that the number one rule of organization - - store it where you use it - - could apply to my deodorant too . I 'm now keeping my deodorant in my bedroom , where it is so much more convenient and streamlines my getting ready in the morning . This idea probably won 't work for everybody , especially those who shower in the morning , but it works for me . We had two big projects this weekend . First , my in - laws stayed with us for three days and yes , it was a project . Let me just say that I don 't know who raised my husband because he is the happiest , most easy - going guy and they , well , are not . Our other project didn 't turn out so well either , but we made the best of it , too . Chuk and I attempted to make sourdough bread for the first time ever . Things seemed to be going well , until the second rising when the loaves just didn 't rise very much . My mother - in - law said they would rise more in the oven . She was wrong . Wow , that is some ugly bread ! The flavor of the bread was good , but the texture was not what we were looking for . We wanted chewy , airy loaves and instead got heavy , dense loaves . But because we don 't like to waste anything , we turned the bread into a dish we couldn 't stop eating on our trip to the Baltics a couple of years ago . It is called kepta duona in Lithuanian . I can 't remember what they are called in Estonian or Latvian . In the Baltics it 's served as an appetizer with beer , but I think it 's hearty enough for a ( heart - attack inducing ) vegetarian main course . It 's shallow fried bread with garlic and cheese , so you know right off the bat it 's good . Kepta DuonaDense BreadChopped GarlicMild White Cheese ( Jack or Mozzarella ) SaltOilSlice the bread into long , thin fingers while you 're heating 1 / 2 " of oil in a pan on the stove to medium high heat . Fry your bread in batches until each strip is toasty and golden on both sides , being careful not to crowd the pan . As you remove the bread strips from the pan , drain them on paper towels and salt them like they 're French fries then throw on LOTS of chopped garlic . Finally , sprinkle shredded cheese on top and allow to melt before eating . ( I used cheddar because that 's all I had defrosted . They use a milder cheese in the Baltics . ) Are you salivating yet ? I am . I wasn 't kidding when I said heart attack on a plate , but I 'm not advocating you eat these everyday and they 're not much worse than garlic cheese fries , which was myPosted by In September 1947 , my maternal grandparents got married in Mexico because it was illegal for them to marry in the United States . My grandmother was an immigrant from the Philippines and my grandfather was an American . From 1913 - 1948 , 30 out of 48 states banned interracial marriage and it wasn 't until 1967 that the U . S . Supreme Court ruled all anti - miscegenation laws unconstitutional . My grandparents made a life for themselves in Louisiana , eventually having seven children . My mother , born in 1949 , was the oldest . Her features were more South Asian - looking than Caucasian . She tells stories about the 1950s , when other children used to chase her and throw rocks at her calling her " N ! gger " because of her dark skin . From 1942 - 1945 , 120000 people of Japanese descent living in the U . S . were removed from their homes and placed in internment camps . In the early 1960s , my paternal grandparents , my uncle and my father moved to Japan when the army stationed my grandfather there . They decided to adopt my aunt from a Japanese orphanage , and when they discovered a year later that she had a biological brother , an orphan being raised in a Buddhist monastery , they adopted him too . When the family was re - stationed back in the U . S . in the mid - 1960s , my grandmother 's sister would no longer speak to her because she " didn 't trust the Japanese " and her distrust extended to her five and seven year old niece and nephew . In September 2001 , I came to Washington for the first time and stood in the exact spot where Martin Luther King Jr . delivered his " I Have a Dream " speech 38 years earlier , looked out over the Mall , and got goosebumps . In January 2009 , I stood at the WWII Memorial and watched Barrack Obama stand on those same steps leading up to the Lincoln Memorial , where I had stood and Dr . King had stood , and listened to him talk about change in America . Two days later , at the other end of the Mall , I listened to him again , this time taking the oath of office as our first interracial president . For two years people had been asking , " Is AmerPosted by I hear the same myths about entertaining over and over again . It 's expensive . It 's a lot of work . I 'm just not very good at it . I don 't have a big enough kitchen . If you 've ever thought any of those things I have one word to say to you : hogwash ! I 'm lazy , bad at smalltalk , have almost no money , a small apartment and a tiny kitchen and I have people over anyway . I want to debunk some common myths about " entertaining " and encourage you to do it more . It 's expensive . You might find it hard to believe , but having people over saves me money . You 're going to see your friends one way or another and your choices are pretty much go out and see them or have them over . ( You could go to their place , but if you do that every time , you 're just becoming a mooch . Consult Miss Manners about reciprocating hospitality . ) I can 't think of a single scenario when entertaining at home is more expensive than hosting an even of a similar caliber away from home . I can host a movie night for six for $ 5 . That 's less than the cost of a small popcorn at the theater . I can throw a dinner party for four for the cost of an appetizer at Olive Garden . The cost goes down even further if you have a potluck . It 's a lot of work . As I 've stated many , many times I 'm pretty much the laziest person who ever existed . If I can do it , you can do it . Besides , it 's really not that much work . Clean up your home ; text your friends ; turn on the radio ; and open a bag of chips and a jar of salsa . Voila ! You 've just had a party in four easy steps . Yes , sometimes ( oftentimes ) I add more steps or make the steps more complicated , but honestly , you don 't have to . Do you really want to be friends with someone who is going to judge you for not dusting the tops of your picture frames or because you didn 't make a centerpiece ? No , you don 't . And guess what , they 're not going to judge you for those things because they think you 're awesome and want to hang out with you . Also , because you 're giving them free beer . ( If you 're going to add steps , that 's a good one to add . ) Make it evenPosted by How much do you spend at the store ? While my mom and her husband were visiting us over the holidays , I told them how much we budget for food , toiletries , cleaning supplies , etc . and my mom said , " I don 't know how you can live like that . " It was surprising to me 1 . because it seemed kind of bitchy and rude and 2 . because based on what I 've read of other people 's budgets on their blogs , I thought we spent a lot more than other people . So I 'm going to ask you a personal question : What 's your food budget and how do you break down your expenses ? Because I know you 're not going to tell me anything unless I tell you first , I 'll start . We budget $ 300 / month for a category we call " food " . This includes basically everything we buy at a grocery or drugstore ( including non - edibles ) and eating out . We eat out maybe twice a month , and that figure includes fast food . Things from the stores include all the ingredients for the food we make at home , cat food , paper goods , cleaning supplies ( mostly laundry detergent , vinegar , and baking soda ) , shampoo and other toiletries , but not my cosemetics because I like the fancy stuff . Sometimes we spend more than the $ 300 , but sometimes we spend less . These figures are for two adults and a cat and our frequent guests . ( We have people over probably 2 - 3 times per month . ) Now it 's your turn . I really , REALLY want to know how much you spend so I can tell how well ( or not well ) I 'm doing . Do you keep track of your food and non - edible groceries seperately like Amy Dacyczyn ? Is your going out to eat budget separate from your grocery food budget ? What about your entertaining budget ? Do you budget at all ? And while I 'm being nosy , how often do you eat out ? Please share in comments ( you can do it anonymously ! ) so we can all learn . This will give the low - spenders encouragement to keep on keepin ' on and the high spenders a target for what they can achieve . . . and hopefully tips for how to get there . Posted by 1 . This quote from Dolly Parton : " I 'm not going to limit myself just because people won 't accept the fact that I can do something else . " 2 . These ideas for committing random acts of happiness . I 'm totally going to start doing these " missions " . Operation BeautifulYou Are RemarkableOperation Nice3 . My sister sent me this link last week and it 's been cracking me up ever since . Seriously , I laugh so hard that I cry . Chuk doesn 't think it 's laugh - out - loud funny ; if profanity bothers you , you won 't think it 's funny either . It has R - rated language and themes ; don 't say I didn 't warn you . One of the best ways to save money in the kitchen is to waste NOTHING . The best tool to help you do this ( besides your creativity ) is a rubber spatula . I use it to get the last bit of batter from the bowl and to get the reside from the sides of cans and jars . If your containers don 't look clean after getting the food out , you haven 't gotten all the food out yet . You can get an extra cookie or muffin from the sides of a bowl and whole extra serving out of an " empty " jar of peanut butter , mayonnaise , jam , tomato sauce , etc . just by scraping with a spatula . That 's real food you 'd otherwise be throwing away . My spatulas work for me ; I use them everyday . Little by little , they have more than paid for themselves over the years in food savings . What tools save you money ? I recently read this article and it made me mad . The central thesis is that the good life is made up of $ 5 coffee , gourmet supermarket food , $ 3 , 000 handbags , and McMansions and now that hard economic realities have forced many of us to give up " paying a premium for food and clothing , popping for lavish trips and entertainment or taking out a mortgage for way more house than we needed " the good times are over . First of all , that assumes that everyone who could do those things when the market was flush did them and I don 't think they did . What about all those people who chose ( and continue to choose ) voluntary simplicity , who drink water ( from the tap , gasp ! ) instead of buying coffee out , who have no desire for a handbag with someone else 's initials on it , and who read the fine print on their mortgage before signing on the dotted line ? And even for those who are recent converts to coupon clipping , staycations , and free redbox codes , who says their lives are any less rich just because their bank accounts are smaller ? While the economic downturn has meant many of us are having to make do with fewer material comforts , the big surprise is that it has brought more intangible comforts . For me , unemployment has meant more family time , less rushing about , more appreciation for what I do have , and a greater sense of contentment . I would be lying if I said that I never felt bummed about not being able to buy something I wanted or that I didn 't miss going on vacation more frequently , but I try to temper those negative feelings with a sense of satisfaction that I have less clutter and more quality time at home . The good life isn 't gone , it 's just different . What do you think ? Can you still have the good life without extra cash ? What constitutes the good life for you ? I want to take a moment to thank everyone who commented on this post about changing one 's name . I think it 's really interesting to hear everyone 's story and the reasons they chose to either change or keep their name . It shows how much diversity there is in this world and the factors that influence our decisions . I really appreciated everyone taking the time to share . Now that I 've mentioned sharing , some readers have said they want to know more about me and I 've responded by trying to write more about my thoughts on certain topics or things that are going on in my life , but I don 't know if that 's what you had in mind . Are there specific things you want to know or do you just want more of the same - - me blabbing on about whatever pops into my head ? Is there anything you want me to stop writing about ? You know how they say Disneyland is the happiest place on earth ? Not for me . For me , Costco is my happy place . If bigamy was legal ( and marrying inanimate objects was legal ) , I would marry Costco , even though we were in a fight for like three months . ( Seriously Costco , why 'd you put out Christmas stuff before Labor Day ? Not cool . You know I don 't like to see anything Christmas - y until after Thanksgiving . ) One of the many , many things I love about Costco is their food court . Yummy , yummy food for great prices . ( Their pizza is one of my favorite pizzas ever and it only costs $ 10 for a giant one ! ) But even though the prices are great , they 're not free . Apparently someone doesn 't know that though . I have seen the same man steal soda from Costco on three separate trips . He takes a free cup , which is only supposed to be for water , and fills it with soda . A soda with unlimited refills only costs $ 0 . 59 . I know stealing is always wrong , but stealing something that is so cheap seems extra wrong to me . This pisses me off 1 ) because I don 't like to see my boyfriend ( Costco ) getting ripped off , and 2 ) because there 's always some guy who has to ruin it for the rest of us . I often use the free water cups ( FOR WATER ) but if people keep stealing soda with them , then I think Costco will stop providing them . I would confront the man , but he 's hella old and uses a walker . I 'm intimidated by the walker . What would you do if you saw this ? Where is your happy place ? " What 's in a name ? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet . " Juliet agrees with me ! We rarely get paper mail from people we know and like anymore , so this isn 't normally an issue , but in December , when we were getting seasonal cards , I can 't tell you how many were addressed to Mr . and Mrs . Chuk Chuksmith . ( Note : His first name isn 't really Chuk and his last name isn 't Chuksmith ; I 'm just trying to make a point . ) What is most odd to me about this situation is that every single person who addressed the envelopes knows I didn 't change my last name when I got married . It 's not that I find this offensive , but I do find it puzzling . What 's so wrong with not changing my name ? Why do they care ? Why are they unwilling to comply with my preference ? Their actions send me the message that they don 't approve of my choice . I don 't need their approval , but it makes me feel the need to educate . Unfortunately for you , I can 't sit down with each of them and explain my numerous reasons , so I 'm educating the public at - large . My name is a connection to my family of origin . My father died very unexpectedly less than two months after I got engaged . I never got to say goodbye . His last name is something of his that I can " carry " with me everyday . I got married when I was 29 . Being an older bride , my achievements are in my maiden name . Degrees , references , publications , and professional history have a hard time staying associated with you if you change you name . I got my Master 's degree three months before I was engaged ; earning it was incredibly hard work ; I want that diploma hanging on my office wall to have my name on it , not my former name . I 'm involved in some complicated legal issues involving my late father 's and late grandparents ' estates ; changing my name midway through would cost more money and complicate things further and it 's already hard enough for me to deal with that crap as it is . Changing your name is time - consuming and I 'm lazy . Historically , the reason women 's names were changed when they married wPosted by The cold weather I 'm experiencing doesn 't appear to be isolated to my region ; it seems nearly the entire northern hemisphere is having an unusually cold winter . Here are some ideas that are working for me in coping with the chilly conditions : Bundling Up : The vast majority of people I hear complaining about the weather are people who are wearing far fewer clothes than I am . If you 're in a mini - skirt with only one pair of tights on , I don 't want to hear about how cold you are . I 'm an advocate of layers , preferably in animal - derived fabrics like wool , cashmere , leather and silk . Cotton just isn 't as good an insulator . I like " performance " fabrics too ( man - made fabrics that are engineered with special insulating and / or wicking properties ) , but find that these tend to be pricey and don 't integrate into my everyday wardrobe as easily . If you have ethical concerns about animal fabrics , these are an especially good option . My general formula for layers on the top are shirt + sweater + coat and then double at least one of the components . For instance , today I 'm wearing two shirts , one sweater , a blazer and a coat . Bonus : Layers are in style this season ! In cold weather , I always wear at least two pairs of pants ( silk thermal pants under regular pants being my favorite combination ) but have had success wearing up to four pairs of pants . ( Unlike most people whose hands or feet normally get cold , I 'm a freak and it 's my legs that are always cold . ) Also , your mom was right ; wear a hat . Top the whole look off with a scarf and gloves . Thoughts on gloves : Commit to one style of gloves for the rest of your life . That way when ( not if ) you lose a glove , you can save the one you still have and match it when subsequent pairs of gloves lose their mate . I prefer cashmere lined black leather gloves . Dry Skin , Nails , and Hair : Where I live , cold weather means very low humidity which causes my skin to become very dry . I 've even had my skin crack open and bleed from dryness . Showering less frequently is one way to reduce skin 's dry , itchy feelinPosted by Isn 't goal so much less intimidating than " resolution " ? Improve relationshipI love my husband , but I 'm not going to lie and say every second of every day is wonderful and marvolous . You know what I mean ? ( If you don 't , email me immediately because I 'm seriously interested in what you 're doing in your relationship . ) We disagree about certain issues and he does stuff that bugs me . In short , there are things I want him to change . ( Note , I fully acknowledge that I also do stuff that bugs him and there are things he wants me to change , too . ) This year , I want to persuade him to change those behaviors , change my behavior , and generally grow our love . Get healthierWhen I was an undergrad , I would go to parties almost every weekend and dance ( enthusiastic , booty - shaking dancing ) for four hours without stopping . A year ago , I started getting winded during a one and a half hour ballroom dance class . In November , at a wedding , I got tired from dancing after three songs . I need to build my stamina back up . I also need to lose some weight . Two words : portion control . Make a new friendWhen I moved to D . C . , I didn 't know a single person here . I made some friends , but no one I felt really close to . Then even all those not - so - close friends moved away over the last year or two . ( This is a notoriously transient area . ) I want to make a close friend , someone I can not only hang out with , but someone in whom I can confide . I have Chuk , but I want someone else besides him . Get a jobThis isn 't totally in my hands , but I can work harder to achieve it . I still have a good prospect for a permanent job , a current temp assignment , a strategy , and a plan . Though the unemployment rate keeps rising , the improving economy gives me hope that the job market will turn around this year . " I 'm a great believer in luck and I find the harder I work , the more I have of it . " - Thomas JeffersonLearn to sewI got a sewing machine for my birthday and want to learn how to use it . Though the process seems intuitive enough , the lowest grade I ever got in junior highPosted by The last days of 2009 : We went to see the National Christmas Tree , where Chuk and my aunt 's husband Steve made snow angels on the ellipse and we had our picture taken with Santa . There were a LOT of presents and a lot of food ( on my inherited china ) on Christmas Day . We went to George Washington 's home , Mt . Vernon . I wore two pairs of pants , three sweaters and a coat ; Chuk wore shorts . It was 17 degrees with wind chill . ( These pictures have forced me to acknowledge my coat is very unflattering . ) We took a road trip to Thomas Jefferson 's home , Monticello . Another cold day , but it was nice to see it in another season besides summer . It was decorated with beautiful fruit wreaths . We also went to the Smithsonian 's Air & Space Museum , to see the movie Avatar in 3 - D , had lunch with a dear friend who was in town briefly from San Diego , watched our beloved Caps practice , and went wig shopping in Old Town Alexandria . ( I didn 't get a wig , but my aunt did . ) I finally made a snowman ( ! ) and ate stingray for the first time . It tasted like a cross between alligator and chicken , but not in the good way . They were full , ( mostly ) happy days . I had high hopes for the new year . Maybe I set the bar too high . I don 't know , but it started off bad . Less than an hour into it , I almost got arrested . I 'm not going to get into it , except to say it was uncalled for . Then I allowed myself to get annoyed at a friend and then at Chuk . I felt mistreated and I was mad at the world . After finally getting to bed around 5 : 30 am , I woke up sometime after noon and felt crappy . I was hoping the slate would be wiped clean in the new year , that I would get a fresh start , and my luck would turn around ; this clearly was not happening . Then , while doing some blog surfing , I came across this post on a blog I had never been to before and something clicked . If I was having a crappy day and was going to interpret that as another crappy year , then it was up to ME to do something about it . My life isn 't going to suddenly get better because a clock ticked over to midnight ; my life is only going to get better if I make it what I want it to be . I walked into the living room where Chuk was watching hockey and said , " Do you want to have a spontaneous adventure right now ? " Both of us were in our pajamas . Less than twenty minutes later we were out the door . He said yes and we had agreed to " go to the ocean . " We decided not to look up directions or use maps , thinking it would be more adventurous to rely solely on the compass in my car . " If we keep going east , eventually we 'll get to the ocean " I reasoned . We ended up at Rehoboth Beach , Delaware after dark , but it didn 't matter . Without the aid of maps , our route was not the most direct . Also , we took brief detours at the Annapolis State House and an ice cream parlor . In the car , we sang along to David Bowie and the Rolling Stones , played a game , talked about our goals for the new year , and watched a beautiful sunset . At the beach , we took a walk in the pitch black night . When suddenly the almost full moon appeared from behind the clouds , we danced in the moonlight . We had dinner in a seafood restaurant and drove back home . Meghan
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Disclaimer : I like Star Wars , but I am neither an expert on it , nor an obsessed fanboy . I like to think that I represent the healthier majority of kids from my generation who grew up on the films and daydreamed up some hella sweet light saber duels in my head , but left it at that . I 've never read the books of the " expanded universe . " I 've never belonged to a Star Wars message board and I 've never dressed up in costume as anyone from the films . Not that there 's anything wrong with that . Just not for me . I left Star Wars behind , like so many childhood things . While I wouldn 't speak poorly of the films , nor did I re - watch them much , if at all , once I had reached middle school . I left it all behind until the unthinkable happened midway through my high school years - a new trilogy ! Three new Star Wars films to bring me back to a galaxy far , far away , even longer ago , and with modern special effects to make the trip worth my while . At five years old , I overlooked Luke Skywalker 's whininess , instead , looking up to him as a near - ideal hero . At fifteen years old , I couldn 't ignore Anakin Skywalker 's gift for irritation . I hated him . A new trilogy means a new opportunity to make things right and carry on what , in my mind , Star Wars is supposed to be . The franchise is about far more than laser fights , cool ships , and space monsters . It 's about values . A new generation of young minds are waiting to be molded . Some will come for the sweet light saber duels . But hopefully they 'll stick around for much more , having reason to one day look back on this new series of films with the warmth reserved for the great stories of our childhood . The stories that make us whole . Not that any catastrophes followed . While I wouldn 't be surprised to learn that recipients chortled over them in private ( or even amongst their friends ) I was spared any very public humiliation . More than anything , I think the letters just made things a little more awkward than they needed to be . They put feelings that were better left unspoken on display . They provided tactile evidence of what was going on in my head - - evidence that might still remain today , tucked in some scrapbook , or perhaps more realistically crumpled up in the corner of a closet floor or beneath a bed , never to be seen again until the recipient 's childhood home is sold and cleaned out . Even then , unlikely to be re - read . Still , there 's a part of me that stands by the imperfect logic of my youth . I was always better at writing than talking . And while none of my pre - college crushes would really go anywhere , there 's a part of me that 's happy I removed what slivers of doubt I might have had - - for every love letter I sent , I can never say , " I wonder if she liked me , too , but she never knew how I felt . " Alaina and I met when we both signed up for a week - long movie - making activity . We ended up filming a series of skits , and it was in the writing and filming of them that I had my limited interactions with her . After the week was up , I would see Alaina around campus but we never spoke again . It 's not exactly accurate to say that I sent Alaina a love letter , though there were many superficial similarities . I wrote her an email after the summer in which I let her know how cool I thought she was . And how I wished I had talked to her more when we were in the same place . I didn 't ask her out or go too far over the top about about my affections or any of that . I was direct , honest , and , for my age , pretty sensible . And I never expected that I 'd hear back . It was the stuff of bad , bad fiction . The cool city girl and the small town nerd striking up a friendship over email . And yet , it happened . I wrote to her about starting high school and how much bigger the building was than my middle school , and how confusing I found the layout . She wrote to me about readjusting to New York after life at camp , and the movie she had just seen . In a throwaway line , she wrote , " don 't speak too soon , ' cause the wheel 's still in spin . " In the weeks that followed , I devoured the better part of the Bob Dylan catalog , courtesy of CDs and cassettes available at the public library . In retrospect , I 'm fully aware that I put Alaina on a pedestal , but I 'm equally aware that two people with only so much common experience between them are only liable to stay in contact for so long . The school year gets busy . You meet other friends . You move on . Another year , another girl , and a set of unsent love letters . I finished writing one of them just before I went to sleep one night . In that dream I was on a boat , for a scene something like the 5th grade whale watch my elementary school had sent us on . In this dream , the girl had read my letter , only I hadn 't signed it . I followed her around the boat like a ghost , waiting to hear her reaction . The funny thing about this dream is that I didn 't rush to tell her that I wrote the letter . Nor did I craft some elaborate , romantic gesture to bring us together . I left her and looked out on the water , studying the way the sunlight reflected off the waves . And I think that dream sums up what both my love letters and my early teenage crushes were for me , and all that I really hoped to get out of them . It wasn 't about sex , or relationships , or status , or even love , really . It was about expression and affirmation . About little more than today 's hope that you 'll read this post and like the link that I posted on Facebook . Except all of that effort was focused on one person at a time . I understand the " nice guy " backlash . Kindness isn 't superficial . It 's a core element that some people have and some people don 't . Some men call themselves nice because they bestow kindnesses on others for the purpose of getting laid . Some men call themselves nice as a scapegoat and as a euphemism for being shy , socially awkward , or unattractive . We 've all heard the saying , " nice guys finish last . " More often than not , it 's a consolation for the nice guy who got dumped , rejected , overlooked , fired , or otherwise faced one of life 's many disappointments when a seemingly less nice guy did just fine for himself . And you know what ? It 's not entirely false . I could wax hypothetical on this topic all day , but let 's get down to something concrete - - my own , selfish motivation for writing this post . I 'm single and I consider myself a nice guy . I do volunteer work regularly . I hold the elevator for strangers . I let people pull in the road ahead of me at red lights on my morning commute . I do my best to compliment colleagues on jobs well done . It 's not fair to judge a whole class of people based on how they act in their worst moments . I 've had girlfriends curse me out with very little provocation when they were in bad moods . I 've had friends stand me up for dinner because they carelessly forgot our plans . I 've had parents of my students lambast me because they 're angry and trying to protect their children . When inconsiderate , belligerent , or entitled behavior become recurring patterns , they 're not aberrations - - they 're defining qualities . And when these actions are so severe that they actively hurt another person , then you can 't brush them off . At minimum , if in a qualified sense , they make the perpetrator a jerk . All of that said , if I get rejected and choose to have a few a drinks and vent my frustrations to a friend , I don 't think that I compromises my status as a nice guy , sans quotation marks . It 's not the most constructive choice . It 's not necessarily healthy , physically or spiritually . But sometimes that 's the catharsis I , as a human being , might need in order to externalize my hurt feelings and move on . I 'm particularly troubled by the attacks on Joseph Gordon - Levitt 's character in ( 500 ) Days of Summer , Tom Hansen . I very much like the film . I identify with the character . Moreover , I remember one particularly ironic conversation in which I discussed the film with a woman I had dated briefly and pined for for months after . The irony ? She identified with Tom , too , by way of a busted relationship from her own past . Films are open to anyone 's interpretation , and I can 't claim to have the definitive one . But I don 't read Tom as a wolf in nice guy 's clothing . I read him as a nice person who has a normal human reaction to one of life 's great disappointments - and then carries that reaction a bit too far , a bit too long . Not in ways that are destructive or mean , but in ways that are a little pathetic and certainly damaging to his own psyche . I 've never met another human being who acts with 100 percent consistency in all conditions at all times . The " nice guy " paradigm getting thrown around the interwebs does address a problem . But it also creates one when it demonizes nice and " nice " people alike . You should apologize if you do something wrong and it will help someone else feel better - not because it will make you feel better , or , worse yet , because you think it will help your chances of " tapping that " later . If you can forgive someone , do it . It will feel better for everyone involved . Things You Can Create is available exclusively in electronic form . Before we get to the questions , let me direct you all to where you can buy the anthology . While it 's also available on Amazon , I encourage you to purchase it at a lower price director from StoneThread , using the coupon code LL29S for a 1 / 3 discount off the cover price . 2 . Describe your story in 1 sentence . Two young women go to college to learn and love and grow and drink - - only it 's clown college , and one of them might be a sociopath . 3 . Where did you get the idea for this story ? I work in the kind of office that has committees for everything , including planning department birthday celebrations . One day , we each wrote words on strips of paper , crumpled them and threw them into the middle of the table . We drew random pairings of words to generate party themes . The words " clown prom " got me thinking about clowns in an academic setting . While the characters in " Clown Faces " don 't get to prom ( at least within the confines of this story ) those words nonetheless served as the seeds for Shanaran , Arabullonia , and the rest of the crew at Spiddledy Clown College . 4 . If your story were optioned for film , what actors would play the main characters and why ? I hadn 't had these folks in mind when I wrote , but to approximate some Hollywood folks in the role , let 's say Jennifer Lawrence for Shanaran , Brittany Snow ( as a redhead a la Pitch Perfect ) for Arabullonia , Zachary Quinto as Galoofus , and Michael Caine as Professor Herumpumpum . Excluding the faculty , it has to be a pretty youthful cast to pass for college students . I think the type of vulnerability Lawrence demonstrated in Silver Linings Playbook would be just right here . Snow is more of a gamble , but she 'd certainly handle playful side of this role , and it would be intersting to see what she could do with the edgier part . Quinto could add some layers to a character that 's , by design , on the " white bread " side of things . And , besides his professorial aura , come on - - if I ever get to cast a film based on one of my stories , how can I not find a role for Michael friggin ' Caine ? 5 . Who are your favorite writers ? Why ? Recently , I 've really enjoyed catching up on the works of Philip Roth and John Updike . Other favorites include John Irving , Michael Chabon , Jeanette Winterson , and Joe Hill . 6 . What else about this story will enthrall readers ? Arabullonia studies at Spiddledy with a concentration in magic , and much of the story hinges on her legerdemain and disappearing acts . While Shanaran 's the character with whom I imagine most readers would rather be friends , as I wrote and rewrote the piece , it became increasingly clear that the story really belonged to Arabullonia and her magic . 7 . What are you working on , now ? I 'm working on a collection of interlocking stories about circus performers . The one I 'm drafting now focuses on The Bearded Lady . ( For everyone 's reference , I hate text messages like that . Either I 'm up or your text just woke me up . Or else I had the good sense to turn off my phone before I went to sleep and I won 't see your message until morning . ) There are times when you don 't ask questions . Even if it 's against your better judgment and even if you 're curious . A friend says she needs a ride to the hospital . You go . I texted her again when I 'd arrived outside her apartment building . She walked gingerly but quickly from her door in a hoodie and sweatpants . No visible wounds . Not so much as a cough or a sneeze . The streets were slick with autumn rain and my tires needed changing . I hit the brakes early and often . After the small talk , and after I succumbed to hitting the next track button on " Colorblind " because the CD was skipping too much ; after I rolled down the window because it was getting too warm , and after I rolled it back up at the stoplight because I didn 't like the look of the guys smoking cigarettes on the corner - - I finally had to ask . " Why are we going to ER ? " She didn 't need to answer that one . I thought of asking why her date wasn 't the one who was still up and driving her , but figured I might not want to know the answer to that either . Besides Adam Duritz singing " I Wish I was A Girl " seemed like a less than appropriate soundtrack to the conversation . I skipped a couple tracks ahead to " St . Robinson in his Cadillac Dream . " Most places I 've lived , the ER is the only place to get late - night medical care . This means that the people waiting there fall into one of three categories - the obviously injured ( the guy holding a blood - soaked towel to his forehead and moaning ) , the ambiguously ailing ( take my friend ) , and those who are there to offer moral support . The people from the former two categories are too stressed about their current condition to take small talk , which leaves the third group to stare at the spots on the tile floor where the fluorescent lights reflect back at themselves . We third groupers run an internal monologue of speculation about what happened to everyone else in the room . Or maybe that 's just me . The two of them both wore those oval - shaped filter masks over their mouths and noses . I wondered what they were keeping in . Particularly because the one with glasses and I kept making eye contact and , though I couldn 't see her mouth , I could have sworn she smiled at me . Stephanie got called in . A few minutes later , the sister with straight hair did , too . Once she was behind the door , the one with curly hair pulled the mask down so it covered her neck . She looked behind her to be sure her sister was really gone , then crossed the aisle to sit next to me . " My sister 's a basketcase . Total paranoia . Total hypochondriac . Every time we set foot in a hospital she says we have to wear these or we 'll get SARS or swine flu or MRSA . " " No one thinks a mask is going to keep you from MRSA . No one except my sister . Who , if I didn 't tell you already , is batshit crazy . " She was right , of course . I 'd found a pretty girl who recognized a reference to Luna Vachon , and here I was arguing the finer points of her facial accoutrements . " The boys at school used to tape pictures of her to my locker , " she said . " No need to be . " I shifted in my seat so I could stop craning my neck and face her . " So what 's your sis here for ? " We talked for the next 45 minutes or so . She shivered . I offered her my jacket . She hugged it around herself like a blanket , not putting her arms in the sleeves . Luna 's sister returned to the waiting area ahead of Stephanie . She talked to the woman at the front counter , and Luna and I both stood up . Luna removed my jacket from her shoulders and handed it back to me . Subtle as I could , I sniffed it as I put it back on . It smelled like daisies . There are moments when you can make a move . When you can lay your cards on the table and make the best of your hand without waiting or plotting or subterfuge . You can kiss a woman . You can ask her to dinner . You can tell her you smelled your jacket because you think she 's pretty and she smells nice and , at that moment , you 'd like nothing more than to get her phone number . Stephanie came out a couple minutes later . She said she spent most of her time waiting for the doctor . The procedure , for what it was , was over inside a minute . I thought of Luna as I watched my reflection in the glass doors before the automatic trigger pulled them open to release us outside . My hair didn 't look quite right and I wore an old summer camp t - shirt I wouldn 't ordinarily try to make a first impression in . Fact of the matter was , even if I had made my move , things may not have turned out all that differently . I got home , sat down on the couch and looked Luna up on Facebook . I couldn 't find her . Name like Luna , I figured she might have made it up . A name she gave boys she thought might flirt with her at bars , at parties , in hospital waiting rooms . I all but forgot about her until another night , maybe six months later . Maybe it was the late hour that reminded me of a similar time . I looked her up on Facebook again , no reason to think I 'd have better luck this time around . And yet , there she was . Luna . In her profile picture , she had her head back , her eyes closed . A guy had his arm around her and he kissed her cheek . I could only see so much about her , what with privacy settings and the two of us not being " friends . " But I could see that she was listed as married . There are the chances you take . And there are ones you don 't . Could it just as easily have been me holding her in that picture ? If she was a part of one of those families that pressured you to get married to every boyfriend , would I have withstood that tidal wave ? Or gotten swept up in all that romanticism and sense of obligation and maybe even love ? Perhaps worst of all , as I looked at that picture , I still wasn 't sure if this destiny that might have been my own was a missed opportunity or a nightmare I had lucked out of . I tell this story . I was a high school freshman . Stood about 6 feet tall . Weighed about 130 pounds . Across the gymnasium floor stood the starting quarterback . About three years older and five inches taller than me . Lean , but muscular . He palmed a red dodgeball in one hand and patted it against the other . I considered the options . I could bear brunt of his throw - - a throw from an arm specifically trained to throw a heavier ball across a football field , hard and fast enough that it wouldn 't be deflected or intercepted . Or I could move and both look like a coward and singlehandedly sacrifice the game for my team . I wish I could say that I made decision either way in that moment . In reality , I pondered long enough that the quarterback stopped waiting and let a rip . The ball hit my thigh . It smarted , but I could walk to the sideline without assistance , where I sat and waited for that game to end and the next to begin . When I look back on that moment , there are plenty of takeaways . At my best , I 'm proud of the fact that I didn 't abandon the cone automatically . It speaks to not only an inkling of courage , but an inkling of integrity . That as meaningless as a game of high school dodgeball may be , I cared about not losing . But the truth of the matter is , winning , losing , and integrity were all pretty minor considerations in the moment . Far more significant and far more telling were the conflicting notions of fearing that throw and not wanting to look like a coward . For shying away from physical pain would make a coward , right ? A baby . A wimp . A pussy . And what of the QB ? Did he have a choice ? Could he have thrown at a more evenly matched opponent ? Could he have thrown at a softer speed , right at my chest to maximize the chance that I might catch the ball , and give me a rare moment of gym class glory ? Present day , I harbor no ill will toward that quarterback . While he didn 't show his best self at that moment , few of us do with much consistency , particularly when we 're 17 years old . And if we 're going to talk about bullying situations , trust me , like many of us , I 've faced far more violent , severe , meanly spirited and longer term iterations . I weathered the blow of that ball . And I didn 't speak my mind about it to the gym teacher afterward . Or to the principal . Or to my parents . To do so would only demonstrate further cowardice , right ? Not fighting my own fights ? Tattle - taling ? I 'm in my late 20s , visiting with an old friend . He tells me I have to see this show . He fires up his DVR and moments later , we 're watching Bully Beatdown . The basic premise of the MTV series Bully Beatdown is that victims of bullying serve as corner men for professional mixed martial arts fighters , who pummel the bullies . ( The bullies have an incentive to take the pounding because , if they last certain periods of time , they earn cash incentives . ) In my limited experience with the show , each episode progresses in essentially the same fashion . The victim describes how he has been tormented . The arrogant bully talks about how he 'll hold his own in the fight . The professional fighter decimates the bully within 30 seconds . The bully apologizes and suggests he 's learned a powerful lesson . It 's troubling that we haven 't figured this out yet , and I can 't help but imagine a part of that has to do with our own desires to forget our lowest moments . To make peace with ourselves for having been victims . To forget . I feel its right and even important to forgive ourselves , and where possible , those who bullied us , as well as the people who facilitated the bullying process . Forgiveness does at least as much ( and often more ) for the forgiver than the forgiven party . It 's how we truly move on and how we grow from experiences . But we shouldn 't forget . We , as a society and as a collective consciousness need to keep thinking and keep trying . We need to set positive examples . We need to recognize differences in power for what they are and talk with our children about what these differences mean . We owe it to our younger selves . We owe it to ourselves today , as survivors . We owe it to the future .
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I am in Boulder , CO after camping for four days in and around various state parks throughout Utah . Utah wasn 't originally really on our radar ( When I think Utah , I think Mormons and skiing ) , but they have some really amazing scenery there ! We woke up in St . George early so that we could get to the first - come - first served campsite in Zion . I caught the last 20 minutes of USA vs Algeria . It was nerve - wracking , but so exciting ! The small fans in the car made the drive bearable , and it was only an hour or so to get to the park . Since it was really hot , we set up our tent and relaxed in some shade under a tree . We grabbed some lunch , went on some errands to get firewood , and then headed for the trails . We were a little worried about hiking in the heat , but we took the river walk trail and hiked through the river to where the canyons narrow . The water was freezing and sometimes it was as high up as my waist , but we stayed cool and in the shade ! Plus , it was really cool being by cliffs that tower over you ! I made the smart decision of putting my camera in Harrison 's backpack because I don 't really have the greatest balance . It turned out to be a good life decision because I ended up taking a pretty epic fall . We were wading through a part where the the rapids were a bit stronger . My right foot got stuck on one side of a rock and the current started pushing my left foot off another rock . I practically did the splits before I tumbled into the water . Then I just sat there laughing for while before actually getting up because I looked pretty ridiculous . But yeah , if I had my camera in my own bag it would not have survived , which would have been very upsetting . The hike was still amazing and well worth getting soaked . I would highly recommend it , but definitely take a walking stick . Without mine , I probably would have fallen about 30 more times . We also saw a few deer along the way , and Harrison contributed to the random " rock castles " ( small rock towers ) on our way back . We had a lovely pasta dinner and just relaxed in the cPosted by We left Glenn 's house on Sunday morning , and since it was Father 's Day , we snuck out early in the morning so they could serve their dad breakfast in bed . Unfortunately we only got to spend one night at the Grand Canyon because you apparently have to book WAY in advance for the campsites in the park ( which we didn 't realize ) . Our one night came from a cancellation , so we got lucky with that . We got to the park fairly early , driving past the Mojave desert and dirt - caked hills . We set up camp and ate a snack before catching a park shuttle to Hopi Point to watch the sunset . The shuttles are nice because they reduce car traffic and they 're free ! We explored a part of the South Rim and found a great spot to watch it . The canyon is seriously one of the coolest things I 've ever seen . It was so awesome ! After it got dark , we headed back to our campsite , where Melanie fixed some delicious chili for dinner . We decided to go to bed early so that we could get up early in time to do some hiking before we made our was to Las Vegas . Yesterday morning , we packed up our stuff and parked our car near a shuttle stop , and rode the shuttle to the trailhead for the Bright Angel Trail . The whole trail goes all the way down to the bottom of the canyon and all the way to the other rim , but we clearly did not have time to do that . We chose the 3 - mile option . The trail has several rest - houses with bathrooms and water along the way , the first of which is a mile and a half down . It was a fun hike , but very hot and kinda grueling going back up . We stopped in a few shady spots to rest on the way up , but we finished the hike in under 2 hours ! I was really sad to leave , but Vegas awaited us . We took route 93 into Vegas and went past the Hoover Dam . There was a lot of construction going on around the dam so it took a while to get through . Our air conditioner also started acting up , so we had our windows down . The dam was pretty disappointing . I mean , it was kinda cool , but it 's not as big as you would expect , and it 's really not that exciting . VegasPosted by AAAAAAHH ! I 'm so far behind in my updates . It 's kinda hard to update when you don 't have internet access . Anyway , I guess I will continue with our LA visit even though I am now in Utah . Ok , so when we got to Glenn 's house , she and her family were discussing all the different things we should do . They listed so many different things that we decided to just stay an extra day there ! It ended up being good for us because we got to rest a little after 2 weeks ( ! ) on the road . Day one was our more tourist - y day of various parts of LA . We slept in some , and woke up in time to watch the U . S . play Slovenia . I 'm still a little bitter about that call . . . Anyway , our first stop was Hollywood . We walked along the walk of fame , got bombarded by random people trying to sell tours ( however Glenn was our private tour guide ) . We also stopped by the Chinese theater where the lucky few stars get to put their hand / footprints in the cement . We also saw the Kodak Theater ( where the academy awards are filmed , and El Capitain ( where all Disney films premier ) . We also got a view of the Hollywood sign , but never got particularly close . Next we drove through Beverly Hills , Rodeo Drive , and Bel Air . We didn 't have any of those star maps to figure out where celebrities live , but most of the houses are behind enormous brick walls , so it 's not like you can really see anything anyway . From there we drove past UCLA and went to a shopping area nearby . Glenn took us to this place called Diddy Riese , where you can design your own ice cream cookie sandwich ! ! They had a bunch of different cookies and ice cream flavors to choose from , and it was only $ 1 . 50 ! So delicious ! A trip to LA wouldn 't be complete without a visit to the beach , so we spent the rest of the afternoon on Santa Monica beach . Harrison , Glenn , and I ventured to go into the Pacific , but Melanie thought it was too cold . It was very chilly , but you get used to . We walked around by the boardwalk and the beach playgrounds and had dinner at a great restaurant near the Third Street Promenade . WePosted by The past few days have been pretty great ! Our friend Brad ( who we stayed with in Sonoma ) works at Ravens Wood winery and gave us a private tour of their facilities on Wednesday morning . We got to sample some of their wines right out of the barrel . It was pretty cool cause we got to actually see the different parts of the wine - making process . The drive to San Francisco was about and hour , and we came in across the Golden Gate bridge . We stopped on top of a hill right before the bridge to get some nice pictures and a good view of the city . We were meeting my camp friend Maggie for lunch , but stopped off at our hostel to drop off our stuff . According to the Google map on my phone , Maggie 's apartment was only a mile away , so we decided to walk . We kinda forgot that we were in San Francisco and that there are HUGE hills . Fortunately we only had one monstrous hill to climb to get to her apartment . She took us to Little Italy for some great pasta and gelato . We also got to climb on the roof of her apartment for some great city views . After lunch , we decided to wander around by Pier 39 and around the wharf . At Pier 39 , they had a store called Lefty 's that sells stuff specially made for left - handed people . As a lefty , I was pretty excited about it . I purchased a mug that , if held with the right hand , would pour the beverage onto the drinker because there is a hole in it . I found it quite amusing . We also checked out the sea lions who live there , and walked to Ghiardelli square . We got a free piece of chocolate when we walked into the Ghiardelli chocolate shop ! Delicious ! We relaxed in a park by the wharf for a while and devoured some more candy we got at a store that has barrels full of different candies . For dinner and more exploring , we wanted to hit up Chinatown , so we bought a cable car ( trolley ! ) pass and rode one over there . The shops had a lot of really funny and cool stuff , and people kept stopping us to try to get us to go to their restaurant . We finally decided on one , and ended up ordering WAY too much food ! We Posted by We ended up staying at McMenamin 's a bit later than planned . We went to their wine tasting and got to sample about 6 different wines for $ 3 . And they weren 't just little sips , they were pretty generous amounts of wine . We decided to stay for lunch to give ourselves some time to recover . The wine was excellent though ! I bought a bottle of the estate wine to bring home with me . It should be good ! Since we stayed later than planned , and we wanted to take the scenic Oregon coast route to the Redwood Forest ( well worth the extra time , by the way ) , we didn 't quite make it to California . Around 8 : 30 we started looking for a campsite so we could set up camp and have dinner before it got too dark . We ended up staying at Cape Blanco , which was a state park . It wasn 't nearly as cold as Yellowstone , but the wind made it feel much colder ! It was so windy , we couldn 't even get the fire going . We ended up using my super - old camp stove to try to cook some pasta , but it took FOREVER for the water to boil and it ended up not being so great of a dinner . Once we got in the tent though , it was quite warm and we slept pretty well ! This morning we got up early to get on the road to California . Cape Blanco turned out to be closer to the border than we thought ! We drove through the Redwoods and went on 2 different hikes . The first was a mile - and - back hike to the beach at the Prairie Creek Redwoods State Park . It was a little steep , but bearable , and we got to explore some of the beach as well . The second hike was the mile - long loop of the Lady Bird Johnson Redwood grove in the Redwood National Forest . This trail had a lot of the old - growth redwoods , some of which were several hundred years old ! The trail also had a guide that gave a lot of info about the trees and growth around them . A park ranger overheard us talking about some birds , and ended up walking with us a bit and telling us some cool stuff about the forest . We saw these giant clover - looking leaves . I can 't remember what they were called , but they contain the same stuff that theyPosted by We woke up bright and early , but ended up leaving a little later because we were talking to our campsite neighbors who happened to be from VCU . It was a couple who were traveling to the guy 's dad 's house in California . It took us a while to get around to our park exit , but we saw some mule deer and and elk on the way out ! The car hit mileage 123456 shortly after we got gas , so we deemed it important to document it . We decided to drive to Boise for the night after our South Dakota driving fiasco , so the drive wasn 't too long and was pretty uneventful . At one point Melanie 's ipod started playing the Macarena , so we started dancing and a man driving on a motorcycle next to us started laughing and dancing along as well . It was pretty funny ! Instead of taking us to the park where we wanted to camp , the GPS took us to the building of the offices that manage state parks . . . . why ? I have no idea ! We tried calling but soon realized we had waited until too late to book a campsite . We ended up staying at Hostel Boise , just outside the city . It was run by a really friendly couple , and they gave us a deal ( $ 15 per person ) since there weren 't many people there that night . After chilling out on the porch and showering , we went downtown to Bardenay , the only restaurant that also makes its own vodka , rum , and gin . We found it in our Lonely Planet guide book . We tried their wings ( delicious ! ) and their signature drinks that contained their spirits . Our favorite was the ginger rum cocktail . And all of the cocktails were relatively cheap . Well done , Lonely Planet ! After a good ( and warm ! ) night 's sleep , I got up and made pancakes in the hostel kitchen before we started making our way to Portland . We weren 't too far from the border , and enjoyed driving through the drastic changing scenery from mountains to hills and plains . When we stopped for gas , I started to get out of the car , but an attendant immediately came over to help us . It 's illegal for you to pump your own gas in Oregon . I don 't really know why , but oh well . The drive to ourPosted by I apologize for the lack of updates on the trip . The past few days we have been camping and haven 't really even had cell phone service , much less internet access . I guess I will continue with the end of our visit in Minnesota . We got a bit of a late start because I had a phone interview and Melanie had a lot of stuff to do on her computer . We had lunch with Taylor at the 5 - 8 Diner , which is famous for it 's burger called the Juicy Lucy . They 're burgers with the cheese on the inside , and it oozes out when you bite into it . We all tried them , and they were quite delicious ! After leaving Minneapolis , we decided to travel west to Darwin , MN , which is home to the world 's largest ball of twine rolled by one man . It 's HUGE ! It was about 11 feet wide and is encased in a little house to protect it from the elements . We stopped by a local saloon for a bathroom break and the waitress told us that he probably did it because he was so bored and there was nothing else to do but roll twine for several hours a day . That waitress might be one of my favorite people we 've met so far . Since we ended up going farther west , we took mostly back roads through Minnesota to get into South Dakota . It was fun to see lots of farmland and such . However , once we crossed the border into South Dakota , the main road was closed , and our GPS had us weaving in and out of dirt roads around these farms until we finally made it back to a paved road and into a little town . I got really stressed out on the dirt roads because I had no idea where we were and I was slightly worried about the van getting stuck in some muddy parts . Although we did see a fox , which was pretty cool . We drove through the night to the Black Hills , all the way on the other side of the state . Sadly , we did not get to stop at the world famous Wall - Drug , which Taylor told us is quite similar to South of the Border ( for all you I - 95 travelers ) . But that turned out to be the least of our worries . We overestimated our speed with driving and our arrival time wasn 't until 2 : 00 in the morninPosted by Well our trip has gotten off to a great start ! Yesterday we left Kentucky and drove to Chicago to spend the evening there . ' We didn 't really stop anywhere while driving through Indiana , but as we drove further north , we did stop briefly to look at all of the windmills at this HUGE wind farm . Seriously , it looked like the windmills never ended ! Some people don 't like windmills , but I think they 're really cool . And they 're a great way of harvesting energy ! We stayed in a hotel close to the O ' Hare airport because it was much cheaper than staying downtown . Our hotel had a free shuttle to the " L " train , so we had no problem making our way there . While Melanie was getting her ticket , this woman came up to Harrison and me and offered us her 7 - day rail passes that still had a couple of days left on them . We gladly accepted . By the way , Chicago is AWESOME . Everyone there was really friendly , and we had a great time exploring . We started off at the Millenium park to check out the " Bean , " the fun mirror - sculpture that reflects the city . We tried to get a famous Chicago hot dog , but none of the hot dog places we found were open ( I guess since it was Sunday night ) . So after we had a non - Chicagoan dinner , we walked the Magnificent Mile up to the John Hancock Observatory . The tickets were a little pricey , but definitely worth it ! It had great views of the city , and an audio tour that was really informative and also helped us find some other places we wanted to go . We definitely wanted to check out Buckinham Fountain , which has a big water show on the hour , every hour , and then we went back to Millenium Park to see the fountains that project people 's faces and looks like they 're spitting out water . Game 5 of the Stanley Cup finals was going on while we were there , too , and the city had done a lot of cool things to show their support . I 'm personally not a huge fan of the Blackhawks since they beat the Sharks , but it was still cool , none the less . Several of the office buildings had coordinated turning certain lights on and off . OnePosted by In our original plans for today , we were going to visit 2 different bourbon distilleries , but we decided that it was better to just chill at one place and not have to rush so much . We visited the Woodford Reserve distillery in Versailles . It wasn 't too far from us and I heard from others that they had a good tour . The tour was pretty cool . We learned about how bourbon was made ( " All bourbon is whiskey , but not all whiskey is bourbon ! " ) , saw the warehouse , and had a tasting ! It was a lovely visit . Another fun part of the trip was going past the castle . That 's right . A castle . Melanie and Harrison found it pretty amusing that a castle is just there for no particular reason . The story as I know it is that this couple traveled through Europe and decided that it would be really cool to have their own castle . The husband started secretly building one for them , but then she thought he was doing something else and they ended up getting divorced . The castle sat unfinished for a while until a man bought it and started finishing the construction . At one point it got struck by lightning and caught on fire ! It survived , though , and now it 's a hotel / fancy place for events . I like the castle . After the distillery , we went back to Lexington for lunch . I took my friends to Pazzo 's , which is a delicious pizza place close to UK 's campus . After that we went back to our house to relax and make some more plans . My friend Mariela had us over for dinner , and then we went shopping for some snacks and stuff for the car . We decided not to drive to Louisville tonight , but we 'll head out to Chicago bright and early ! I 'm pretty excited . Melanie and Harrison are officially on their way to my house as I write this post ! I am so excited ! I spent a great deal of time searching for all of our assorted camping gear in my house . I got the tent out and found our camp stove and mess kits and all sorts of other fun camping things . I haven 't been legit camping in a good while , so I 'm pretty excited . I 've worked at a summer camp for the past 5 years , but we live in cabins and the one time the whole cabin group goes camping in the woods , I don 't really have that much to do with setup and cooking . It will definitely be an adventure ! Anyway , once my travel buddies arrive , we 'll be chilling at my house for the night and making sure that we have everything that we need . I still need to pack up all of my clothes . I feel like there 's a lot of different clothes that I 'll need because we 're going such a variety of places , and the weather is kind of all over the place . We 're planning on going to Yellowstone , and the temperatures can drop down to the low 30 's at night ! In the summer ! So far we have definite stops planned for the next few days of our trip . Tomorrow we 'll stay in Kentucky and travel a bit along the Kentucky Bourbon Trail . I 've been wanting to go on the Bourbon Trail since I turned 21 . My friend Scott and I were gonna do it for our 21st birthdays ( our birthdays are 2 days apart ) , but sadly we never found the time , since we were at school different places . The trail consists of 6 of Kentucky 's finest distilleries , all of which are more or less between Lexington and Louisville . You can go to any of them and tour the distillery , and they have tastings , too ! A fun thing they started doing a few years ago is the passport . Once you 've visited every distillery on the trail , you get a free t - shirt ! I 'm pretty excited about the trail , even though we probably won 't make it to all of them this time around . Tomorrow night , we 'll stay with a friend in Louisville before heading up to Chicago . I discovered it was much cheaper to stay in a hotel by the O ' Hare airport than Posted by The road trip officially begins on Friday when my roommate and her high school friend make their way to my house in Kentucky ! My roommate found this website called Roadtrip USA that was a great source for finding roadtrip routes across the country . Our plans won 't take us directly on a specific route but we thought it would be a good idea to try to follow them in general . From Kentucky , we 'll make our way up through Chicago to Minnesota , then roughly follow the " Oregon Trail " route listed on the website ( best route name by far ! ) . Hitting various spots along the way , we 'll start heading down through California , then over to Vegas , and back towards Kentucky on what the website calls the " Loneliest Road . " I 'm not sure how about I feel about being on a route called the loneliest , but perhaps there will be some interesting roadside attractions ! It should be a fun trip ! Since we 're all recent college graduates and are poor , we 're trying to keep costs down by camping as often as possible and staying with friends who happen to be along the way . As for the possibility of going to South Africa this summer , it no longer exists . After a very unnecessarily long application reviewing / interviewing process , I was informed that all of the positions in South Africa had been filled . It 's just as well , I guess . I can 't imagine what the crowds would be like there with the World Cup going on . It would be insane ! I do wish that they had let me know sooner , though , instead of dragging this process out for almost a month longer than they originally said it would take . Whatever , I get to go across America and see a lot of places I 've never seen . Wow , a lot has happened since my last post back in 2008 . Everything turned out okay with my ISP and all that jazz . I finished up the rest of my college days back in America and just graduated last weekend ! It was hard to get back into a more structured routine , and I don 't know that I ever fully recovered from learning to expect the unexpected . However , I am thankful for my entire college experience and the challenges I have face in the last year and a half since writing have made me a stronger person . Anyway , enough about me and the past . I 've decided to get back to blogging again for two reasons . First , my college roommate and I , along with a few of her high school friends , have decided to go on a cross - country roadtrip ! And I figured , what better way to document my travels than to share it on the internet ? ! We have a bit of a plan together , but we 're not entirely sure how it will all pan out . They 're planning on driving from Virginia to my home in Kentucky , where we 'll start off with some Bourbon Trailing and then move farther north from there . We 'll see how it goes . The second reason is that I might be returning to South Africa this summer ! The organization that did my study abroad program also does summer programs for high school students called " Experiment in International Living , " and they hire recent grads and such to be group leaders . I have my interview tomorrow , so I 'll know for sure then . It 's a little nerve - wracking for me not having a summer job lined up ( this is the first summer that I haven 't already had a job in place by this time of year ) . But I figure if I don 't get the job , it just gives me more time to travel around the states , and when will I really get the chance to do this again ? I originally created this blog in the late summer of 2008 to document my semester abroad in South Africa . I am now planning on going on a cross country roadtrip through the U . S . with some friends this summer ! We 'll see what happens .
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I am of the strong belief that every moment of your life is a lesson . If you choose not the learn the lesson the first time , life will let you keep repeating that experience until you learn . That can lead to moments of incredible frustration . As you 've heard me say one too many times , I over commit myself . In the moments that I think I can 't possibly keep all my balls in the air I have to smile and realize I 'm just not learning this lesson . You might remember my goal to wait 30 minutes before comitting to anything and I 'm proud to report that I have been abiding by my waiting period as well as saying no more often . So , while that would have been a perfect resolution for me , I 'm just going to have to find something else . My resolution last year wasn 't too lofty , just to waste less food . I tend to buy more than I need and let food go bad and throw it out . I did a pretty good job this year of buying fewer groceries , and throwing less out in the end . In the past I 've resolved to be nicer , slow down , do more yoga , and call my mom more . leading FREEdOM Flow I 'm in a plane right now on my way to family vacation ( mind blown by technology , wifi in a plane , who knew ? ) and I can 't help but reflect on my year as I sit in my seat . 2012 has been one of the craziest years of my life without question . I completed another yoga teacher training , started teaching at Green Monkey , painfully ended a long and amazing relationship , started my LLM in Taxation , secured my dream job for after law school , and started a brand spanking new relationship that I couldn 't be more head over heels about . Just writing it all out is exausting . I am beyond brimming with gratitude for my year , but I can 't help but remember ( with thanks to this blog ) some of the tougher moments that I have gone through this year . It 's with all these changes in mind that I 've been trying to work out an appropriate goal for 2013 . This upcoming year promises to be another year of change , only this time I know it 's coming , where as last year I seemed to be blindsided by change . I 'm looking ahead to my last ( thank G - d ) graduation , studying for the bar , traveling back to Israel , starting a new job , and my first trial as a big bad lawyer . So when it comes to goal setting is setting a goal for the entire year even reasonable ? I think that it might not be , I 'm a big fan of small digestible goals , so I 'm going to go for four smaller goals . So here they are , in cold hard ink , which means you get to hold me accountable to them , which is very very very very scary . Anyone who knows who Bryan Kest is will understand my complete and utter excitement that I had the opportunity to take a 3 hour master class with him on Sunday . Bryan is the creator of power yoga as we know it , and he is the most no - bullshit person I have ever had the pleasure of meeting . He opened his talk by saying , " Well , I could either start by talking to you about how you bring your shit into yoga and you turn yoga into shit . Or we could talk about how every fucking yoga pose is stupid . " Welcome to my head spinning around in exorcist circles in shock at this man and his theories on yoga . Let 's just remember the reason that the yoga asana practice was created , so we could sit on our asana and meditate for longer . It wasn 't so your abs would look nice in a bikini or so you could bounce a quarter off your tush . Those are just happy side effects of the practice . The idea that really stuck with me of Bryan 's was the idea to not look around the room . He started the class by bringing us to virasana , or sitting on your knees , and telling us to look around the room . " This is it for the rest of the class , look around , see what you need to see . OK , now you 're done and you can practice without looking at anyone else . " You 've heard other yoga teachers say it , you 've heard me say it , don 't worry about what other people are doing on their mats , there is no competition in yoga . no peeking Bryan took this idea a step farther , don 't even look at the person next to you because the person next to you doesn 't matter to your practice . All that matters in that you are getting the full benefit of your practice , and the only way to get the full benefit is to not look around the room and stay on your mat . We talk about keeping the mind still , staying with your practice for the hour or hour and a half you 're in class and not letting the mind wander off the mat , how about not letting your eyes wander off the mat ? How do you think you 're going to stay present on the mat with your mind if you 're checking out the guy with no shirt on in front of you . Bryan made another point that spoke to me , as long as you are in your fullest expression of the pose you are getting the most benefit possible from that pose . That means if you are doing utanasana , or as Bryan might remind us , bending over and touching your toes , you don 't have to look like everyone else to get the same benefit as the person next to you . If you bend over and your fingers are a foot off the ground , but you push your sit bones back , your stretch your neck down , you engage into the quads , and open into the hamstrings , you are getting the same benefit as the girl in the lulus who 's head is on the floor . I would venture to say that bendy lulu chick might be getting less intense of a stretch than you are . That means you Mr . or Ms . with the strained face and the " inflexible " hamstrings are getting more benefit from your forward fold than lulu in the front row . Look at that you won . Now put your head down and stop looking around . So you 've heard me talk write ( or maybe talk if you 're in Miami and you come to sweat your asana off with me ) about a heaviness in your practice . Yoga has gotten me though some rough stuff in my life and I cannot encourage you to do anything better than get on your mat when your life is feeling terrible . You will feel better there , I can guarantee that . But a light practice , if you 've experienced it you know what I 'm talking about , its the best feeling . Those days when you float on your mat , you do things you never even imagined you might be able to do one day . Your mind isn 't jumping around , you just get down and get to sweating and you 're so happy the entire time you 're practicing you could just break into a little yoga dance . So you do a million vinyasas , because that is our favorite dance move . Add to that that people have been commenting on how happy I am . So , a little part of me wonders just how miserable I 've been due to the number of people commenting on my newly cheery attitude , but the rest of me doesn 't really care . Yep , I 'm a happy girl , happy on my mat and happy off my mat . I 've actually been able to get onto my mat and practice more than ususal . For me , and I know for so many others , our biggest complaint about our practice is we don 't have enough time . It is almost impossible for me to get 2 hours to play on the mat . So I don 't practice for 2 hours . I go play around for 15 or 20 mins before I teach . I throw my headphones in and listen to some of the new jams I 've been introduced to and just mess around a little . Yoga is fun . Its supposed to be playful . Its so easy to forget that when you look around the room and see people with " perfect " practices or amazing bodies all around you . So my charge for you is to get on your mat , even for 5 mins . When you walk by a tempting wall just kick up into a handstand ( I was doing arm balances outside of a starbucks yesterday ) . I can promise you a few things . You will have fun . You will engage in conversations with some interesting new people , who will compliment you . I 'll see you on the mat my sweaty friends , even if its just for a few minutes . I also promised a little while months ago to post a video of me doing a crow jumpback with an explaination . Instead here you have a video of a lizard jumpback and I will give you a step by step how to . 2 . Step the foot forward into lizard lunge , keep the back knee up KEEP YOUR CORE ENGAGED ( imagine how annoying I am when I repeat that in class ) . Press into both hips evenly opening into the hips . You should stay here opening up for several breaths . 3 . Start to work the shoulder under the front leg . You can take your hand and shift the calf muscle to help the shoulder under as you see me do . Friday is usually my morning to sleep in late , take a nice long run , go to the dog park , and hang out . But this morning my alarm went off early and I jumped out of bed , put on real pants ( ones not made out of spandex ) and went to city hall to vote ! This was my very first presidential election voting in person and after waiting for an hour and a half in line at 7am , I finally got to vote . And it was awesome . I headed to the dog park , still wearing my " I voted " sticker , smiling my " I just acted as a concerned citizen smile . " Where someone remarked that he wasn 't voting because " it doesn 't matter " and " [ I 'm ] retarded if [ I ] think [ my ] vote counts " My head spun around and flew off of my body . Literally . A good Samaritan had to go retrieve it . Don 't worry I 've put some arnica and tea tree oil on it , its fine . So , beyond the fact that its 2012 and this man used the word retarded , which is completely and utterly unacceptable , this man doesn 't believe in voting . It is taking all of my effort to not go into a rant about how incredibly blessed we all are to have the right to vote , which remember is not a right in many places . Until recently women and people of color couldn 't vote . But , I won 't go there right now . Let 's talk about voting from a perspective of just being a person who is alive in the world . Forget about your political affiliations , the issues that press your buttons , just think about being a citizen who walks around in the world every day . You have to care about what is happening around you . You breathe air , you drive on roads , you see people jobless and homeless on the street , a crazy hurricane just hit New York . How can you not care ? Maybe this is a result of having the mother that I do . A mother that made it clear that the problems of the community were my personal problems . A mother that made it clear that it was my responsibility , as a person who was educated and lucky enough to have rights and privileges that other do not enjoy , to make sure the world was a fair place . Apathy . That is my point . Not only is apathy just about the most unsexy quality a person can possess , it is also makes you a terrible citizen and person . Yea , that was kinda harsh , but I also think its very true . I don 't know when people thought this became cool , but evidently there are people that think not caring is cool . It isn 't . It is extraordinarily lame . As lame as using the word retarded as a slur . In yoga we dedicate our practices to bigger ideas and things that need our energy , we as teachers dedicate our time through karma yoga , we as yogis go to charity class after charity class donating our time and money , we care . So I recognize that I 'm preaching to the choir , but you the choir are out in the world with these apathetic people , they roam amongst us , dressed like regular citizens . If you are apathetic to the world around you , you are barely a part of the world around you . We say it in yoga about the breath , if you aren 't connecting with your breath you haven 't even walked into the studio yet . So I 'm saying this , if you don 't care about what is happening to the other humans roaming the earth with you , you haven 't even walked into the world yet . Yoga is all about caring for the rest of the world around us . Sure we care for our own bodies and minds , but we also care so deeply for our fellow humans . It 's the whole meaning of namaste , we look into the eyes of any other person and see the higher power within them . We can 't just say namaste at the end of class , we have to live namaste . If you look someone in the eye and say " I see the higher power in you and I love you for it , " you must care for that person . ps - A special happy birthday to one of my most loyal readers , my sister - in - law Jill , who has always taught her kids to care about the world around them and stand up for what they believe in . Jill gave me my very first yoga job and I did my first teacher training in her studio ! I love you ! So I disappeared . Again . And why you ask ? Those who know me will not be in any way surprised by this - I over committed myself . Shocking , I know . You may remember me blogging about how I love when a yoga teacher teaches a theme in class that seems to come right from my life and speaks to my soul . I have become my own teacher . I seem to stumble on these quotes , then create a class around a theme . When I look back I can 't help but think I should be taking my own advice a little more . A lot more . I talked about priorities in my classes last week . About how each thing you choose to you means you choose not to do another . Thats an OK thing to do , to choose one thing over another . But I 've never lived that lifestyle . I 've always chosen option E : all of the above . I , for some reason think I 'm sort of superhero who doesn 't need to eat or sleep and can just go go go all the time . I , unsurprisingly , am not actually a superhero . Last week I taught 11 yoga classes . Yes , its actually possible to do that and go to school full time . However , it isn 't possible to sleep or eat or breathe or have friends while you do that . So I was a little miserable . I 've always kind of been of the mindset if you love something you can 't have too much of it . I love teaching yoga , so teaching 11 times last week seemed like a good idea when I agreed to it . I totally overdosed on teaching though . You know the phrase if you love something let it go ? I need a little leash space from my yoga teaching . I actually managed to prioritize teaching over myself . Yikes , I 'm upset just writing that out . So , I 'm scaling it back a touch . Or I should say I 'm going to try to scale back . On to the next question - how do I stop saying yes so much ? Because for me that is really the issue . I want the people around me to be happy , I love taking care of them , so I always say yes when they ask for anything . You need a sub , a ride to the airport , a meal brought to your house ? Sure I 'll do it . So , I 'm going to have to start saying no . Much easier said than done . But don 't worry I have a game plan . From now on when someone asks me to do something I 'm going to wait at least 30 minutes before I respond . Because my tendency is to say yes immidiately , maybe taking some time to make the decision about whether I should say yes will induce me to say no more frequently . 105 . Quinoa with a poached egg and a little pesto - it is literally the perfect meal , I had to stop blogging to go make some for lunch . 106 . hiking asking for forgiveness Over the past week I have talked to my classes about Yom Kippur , the day of atonement in Judaism , which is coming up this week . In the days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur we are supposed to ask our fellow man for forgiveness , but on this holiest day of the year we ask for forgiveness from G - d . I have talked to my classes about being their own Higher Power , asking themselves for forgiveness and then granting that forgiveness . I have asked them all to practice with more , ahimsa , compassion for themselves , less judgement . And then I have asked them to take that feeling of self - compassion out of the studio , off the mat , and into their lives . Its a tall order I know , but as I speak about ahimsa , I can see what I 'm saying is hitting home with so many of my students as they nod their heads along while I speak to them . Increasingly I find myself awake in the early hours of the morning contemplating decisions I have made . Don 't worry my friends , I 'm no longer lying on my mat in a crumpled little pile . I 've made it off the mat and back into the world , still knowing my mat is a little haven for me , and returning there with frequency . As you can imagine accompanying all this contemplation of my decisions comes a range of emotions : regret , anger , self - satisfaction , pain , joy . And yet a lack of ahimsa . I know I am my own worst critic . I often think of it as being critical in a loving way , the way a parent pushes their child to do more , better , faster , stronger , I push myself . It seems I may have found the tipping point of pushing myself to be better . I often ask my students to quiet the negative chatter in their minds when they practice , but I have been unable to do the same . I have found myself tearing apart every choice I have made over the past two years . And regretting a good portion of my choices . I wasn 't as loving as I could have been . I was selfish . I went to the library when I could have stayed and studied at home with my partner . I chose activities around campus rather than building my relationship . I would like to say that what I will do is spend more of my thoughts being compassionate to myself , but I can 't promise that . I can promise myself that I will try for more compassion . I can promise I will keep trying to be my own Higher Power and to forgive myself . Here is one thing that I know for sure , I 'm good at asking for forgiveness . It can take me some time , but I can recognize when I have been wrong . When I get there I admit it and I ask to be forgiven . So you can bet on Yom Kippur I will be asking my Higher Power for forgiveness , I will keep asking myself for forgiveness , and I will always ask the person I have harmed for forgiveness . why laying in a broken pile on your mat is enough Some days yoga is easy , your body asks you for it , begs you for it . Your mat seems to unroll itself and you float on to it . You think about the ease of your practice and how yoga is so right for you and your life . Some days it takes every ounce of strength you have just to put your mat on the floor . That day you lie in a broken pile on your mat , and that is your yoga . You think , " I 'm not sure if I can even keep breathing , but if I can that 's my yoga today . " And so you do , and its excruciating . Every breath feels like a marathon . The idea of leaving your thoughts off the mat that day is an impossibility . Your thoughts swirl around you and taunt you , refusing to quiet . You laugh to yourself as you think " I just need to breathe louder than my thoughts . " Because your thoughts are screaming at you . Today I am lying in a broken pile . I don 't even know how I made it on to my mat . But I know at 3am I woke up crawled out of bed and curled up here and I can 't really tell you why I chose that this morning . Yoga serves different purposes on different days . There are days its a workout , I just want to sweat so I practice . There are days I need some introspection and so I meditate though my practice . Today I don 't know if I can do anything more with my life than just lie here , so that 's exactly what I 'm doing . I 've spent the past days barraging myself with positive ideas . When something good leaves you have space for something even better . Standing in the rubble of what once was is an opportunity to build again . Fear of being alone is just that , fear , so acknowledge it and get stronger . Thinking all those positive thoughts felt like the right thing to be doing right now . But right now those positive thoughts aren 't serving me . You 've heard me and a million other yoga teachers tell you , " Whatever isn 't serving you today , just let it go . " Well , today all that positivity isn 't serving me . Today I am served by feeling my excruciatingly deep pain . Don 't get me wrong , especially on a day like today I feel gratitude . It 's September 11th , and to not mention the tragedy that this country faced 11 years ago would be a mistake . And so today , even as I feel like the pain I am feeling is deeper , and darker , and impossible to climb out of , I know deep down it isn 't . And that is when I feel a glimmer of gratitude and those positive thoughts start to trickle back in . I know that in order to feel pain this deep and profound , to have my heart broken so completely means that my heart was totally exposed and I loved deeply . The person I loved taught me how to love myself when I hated myself . I know that I loved someone more than I had ever imagined possible and that person loved me more than I even loved myself . When I think about it that way how can I feel anything but gratitude , what more can I ask for than to have had someone in my life who truely saw me and loved me ? Today is my last first day of school . Weird . It is an extreme bittersweet feeling , I have literally been working towards this goal for as long as I can remember , but I feel a little bit of emptiness . What do I do now ? I think I have to be an adult . Not so interested in that part . But that 's a few months off , and today I 'm just going to deal with today . Today I have to go back to my balancing act . I don 't get to be the sweaty yogini that I 've been for the last month . I have to put on real clothes . That don 't involve spandex . Add that to the list of things I 'm not so interested in . But alas , here I am in my first day of school outfit ( yes , I laid it out last night ) , backpack packed and ready to go . This morning as I got ready and ran a few errands I really meditated ( or " thought about " for you non - sweaty people ) on how to keep a nice balance between all that I do . I am often told that I take too much onto my plate , that I 'm doing too much . This may be true , but balancing it what I do , when I only have one thing to focus on I go a little crazy . So today I 'm taking one more thing onto my plate , filling up on not just yoga but now a healthy helping of tax law . As sad and weird as it feels to be near the end of my life as a student , I 'm amazed at how my track has changed from my " plan " . Yes , I 've always wanted to to go to law school and now that 's almost over , but I 've picked up some extra little things along my path . The empty feeling of being so close to the end of law school really has been filled by the extras that I 've picked up . Yoga is one of those extras , even though I 've been practicing for much longer than I 've been a law student , my practice has deepened significantly while in law school . Not what one might expect , but thats just how it worked out . So , as I make my schedule ( yes , I write out my schedule a week in advance ) it includes studying and class , but it also includes my own practice and time to teach others . Anyone who has been to a yoga class has heard this word , namaste . It happens to be that I have been thinking about this word quite a bit over the past few days and weeks . Likely because I have finished my official teacher training , with just a few hours to spend with Fred in the studio left before I 'm unleashed on the yoga world . As I finished this part of my yoga journey I found that I wanted to thank those around me and the word namaste kept coming to mind . Some of you may have seen the picture and note that I posted on facebook thanking all my teachers and fellow yogis : To all of my amazing yoga teachers and those who have shared the mat with me : You each bring a wonderful light into my life . I am eternally greatful for each and every one of you and all that you give to me through your words , actions , and thoughts . I would have never made it through teacher training without your love . I say to each of you with the deepest sense of gratitude , namaste . When I first started practicing I said namaste because that 's what yoga people do . At the end of class you say namaste . I was told the basic definition " the light in me , honors , recognizes , and loves the light in you " , or something close to that . I was satisfied with that definition for a long time . I 've heard some variations over the years , but that is the heart of it . As my journey has taken me deeper , both into the asana practice and also into the other limbs of yoga , namaste has taken on something greater . Maybe greater isn 't the right word , but truer . I actually do recognize that light in those around me . My yogis truly bring a light into my life in a unique way that I have never before experienced . Let me break it down for you non - sweaty people . Those of us who spend hours on the mat , sweating , wearing spandex , discussing natural deodorant , and the best brand of kombucha , share something . Something deeper than general sweaty stinkyness ( we do have that too ) . I have found that these are the people who greet me with a hug every time they see me . These are the people who look at me differently than anyone else in my life . There is something very particular about the way yoga people look and speak to each other . Something that made me uncomfortable when I was new to this world . Yoga people speak close . They are in your personal space and they touch you . No regard for the fact that you have been sweating your asana off . And , they look right into your eyes . Not in the make eye contact in a job interview sort of way , in the I 'm really listening to you and understanding you way . Its a little scary at first , because we spend most of our time not doing that or just looking at people in a cursory way . So why do yogis get so close and look so deep ? I think it comes back to namaste . If you aren 't looking deep how could you possibly see the light in someone else ? By looking deeply into those around us we are able to see the light that shines from them and we are able to acknowledge how much we love them for that . We look deep to see the light in others , because that light is a reflection of the light within ourselves . Namaste , I 've had a crazy few days . Teacher training with Allaine is wrapping up , I have both of my written exams and one of my practicals on Friday . On top of that life has thrown a few challanges at me . My computer decided it would go on summer vacation ( have I backed up you ask ? Of course not ! ) . I got in a car accident ( I 'm fine a cab hit me ) . I have found that this yoga teacher training , what I might see as the pinnacle of my yoga journey so far , has been an incredible experience of getting to know myself , the things I love about me and the things I wish I did differently . In the past I have been reactive , when someone did something I didn 't like , I let them know . Like , 3 seconds after they did whatever that thing was . I had no delay button . I got really angry really fast , and frequently . That is a little trait that seems to have disappeared , thankfully . My lack of patience has been replaced with a deep sense of gratitude and love . I 'm doing that thing that annoys me when someone else does it , I 'm clearly talking about something specific in a sort of generalized way , so I 'll just tell you what happened . I had a member of my family do something very hurtful to me , they told me they didn 't want me to be a part of their lives anymore , I was disowned . Six months or a year ago I might have blown up at them , a month ago I might have felt really sorry for myself and wondered what I had done wrong and wallowed . Instead I had this interaction and I instantly felt abundant love for them . I dedicated my yoga practice to them the next time I was on the mat . Was what they did hurtful ? Absolutely . Am I hurt by it ? Not at all . I feel immense love and gratitude for that person for all of the time they were in my life , even if they choose to not be in it any longer . And the reality is a space has been created for more love to come into my life . I now have more space for more friends and family to be welcomed in . To some this will seem like a callous reaction , you might even think that I 'm just not dealing with what is going on . But what I 'm telling you is the absolute truth for me . My yoga journey has changed me in many ways , from buying weirder stuff at the grocery store to wearing spandex on a almost constant basis . Most importantly I have a profound sense of gratitude for my life and all of my experiences , so much so that when something happens that might be " bad " or " hurtful " all I feel is love for the person I am interacting with . One of my favorite things in life is being surprised . This doesn 't happen often , just ask my boyfriend . I am nearly impossible to surprise . So I was pleased as peaches today ( excuse my crazy phrases I think I 'm high on headstands ) when I was surprised . On the first day of teacher training a few rules were laid out , you may remember them from my first post . One of them was that we could not complain . About anything . Ever . At the time Fred told us that if we did this we would see a difference when other people complained to us . We would see it as weakness . As Fred said this , Allaine nodded her head . This idea was sealed by the two people who were in charge of my life , it was now a fact . Complaining = weakness . I thought they were wrong . They were , as they usually are , right . At the time that seemed harsh to say we would think others were weak . Very harsh . But then today , I found myself listening to a friend complaining and I wanted to look at them and say , " Well if you have a problem fix it , but this conversation is highly annoying and you just sound whiny . " Whoa , thats a little out of character . Harsh . But that was how I felt . I have been going through this challenging journey and I have been kicking ass if I do say so myself . As this person whined to me and ignored all suggestions of solutions all I could think about was how out of control of their own life they are . I have to admit it , I thought they were weak . This obviously is not the nicest thought I have ever had . It was followed by immediate guilt for thinking such a negative thought about someone else . Then I thought about something that my mom has told me my entire life . Prepare yourselves you 're about to get sage Fancy Nancy advice : only be friends with people who make you the best version of yourself . The thoughts I was having were not making me the best version of myself . I realized that being friends with someone who chooses not to control their destiny and rather than complain take action is not going to make me the person I want to be . But I also realized I could use my frustration to practice compassion and love . Overall a day of wonderful lessons : 1 . Mom is always right 2 . You can always be surprised 3 . Allaine and Fred are almost as right as Mom . Namaste , Rachel Prepare yourself friends , I am about to become that yogini . I 'm about to quote Guruji Iyengar . I 've heard other instructors do it , I didn 't love it when they did it . I am now one of them . And I get why they do it , this man is a genius . I mean he 's not called Guruji for no reason right ? Today we worked on salamba sirsasana ( headstand ) for a long long long time . Salamba sirsanana is a pose people love , its pretty easy against a wall and you feel awesome doing it right ? You think to yourself , I rock at yoga look at me on my head . You have a new perspective on life . You tell all your friends nonchalantly that you did a headstand today , what did they do ? On the other hand ( stand , badum bum ) headstand can be scary . Like really really scary . You 're upside down . You could fall . In front of a room of people . And it would be really loud in the really quiet yoga studio . Guruji Iyengar says , " The best way to overcome a fear is to face with equanimity the situation of which one is afraid . Then one gets the correct perspective , and one is not frightened anymore . " Read that again . It 's revolutionary . At least in my exhausted little head it is . Upside down might not be the " correct perspective " but it sure is a different and interesting one . Certainly situation , however foreign , when approached in the way Iyengar suggests becomes easy . Scary things in life seem a little less so . I disappeared . Which is exactly what I said I would not do . I said I would have a 7 day a week practice and I haven 't , I also said I would blog every day and I haven 't . So I apologize to all of you and to myself for not keeping up my promises . In any case I 'm back . Well , I 've been back on the mat for a while , but I haven 't been blogging . You 'll all be happy to know that I 've been keeping up with the yoga , the sweating , and the exhaustion . I 've moved on to part two of the teacher training , on from Power Yoga , aka sweating constantly to Gentle Therapeutics Yoga with Allaine Stricklen , which is just a HUGE change . Much more personalized , more about alignment and healing through yoga . laughing at all the props i needIt is intense in a completely different way . I am no longer sweating my asana off but I am juggling yoga props like you would not believe . Whats that ? You thought yoga was just you and your mat ? So did I . We were wrong . dominatrix down dog with a strapIts a joke watching me walk around with all of my stuff . Schlepping it up and down the stairs and in and out of my car every day . But the reality is that it helps . All these extra things that sometimes feel like a weight on me , but a little help from a block , a strap , a mat , or a bolster can really help sometimes . down dog head on a block hands on the wallI so frequently see people in a yoga class who look like they are in pain and they force themselves into an asana that looks cool . Clearly your life will be better if you can bind in side angle right ? You aren 't any good at yoga if your heels aren 't on the ground in down dog . We hear instructors say everyday that we should leave our ego at the door , but its hard to do sometimes Well , most of the time we see other people doing cool stuff and we think , " if she can do that I can definitely do that " or " I 'm better at yoga than she is . " What does that even mean ? Kind of a crazy idea when you think about it . I have a new view on the people in class using the props , plus I 'm now one of them . Where I might have once thoRachel Laura Kipnis Today was a LOOOOOONG day . I stared at 9am with a gentle yoga with Allaine then 10 : 30am power hot yoga with Pablo then four hours of teacher training . I was not into it today . When your body has gotten used to one series of actions , taking a different route is really hard . I 'm used to biking to yoga and biking home . I have things I like to do after yoga class . Showering is one of those things . After hot yoga its a requirement . That doesn 't happen for me any more . I do yoga and then I sit through a teacher training for four hours . Its exhausting . Its also a little gross . Don 't get me wrong I rinse off but I 'm not getting the full scrub down I really need . Spending 8 hours a day at the yoga studio also means that I essentially don 't do anything else in my life but yoga . In fact I am officially getting burnt out . I haven 't spoken to anyone in my family for more than 5 minutes and I haven 't seen my boyfriend for more than a consecutive hour since teacher training started . That is why I made a bold move tonight . Yoga is a sanskrit word that means union . The fact is that my life has not felt very cohesive for the last week or so . I feel like I have a yoga life and a real life . My real life has ended . So tonight is the comeback of my real life . Starting right this second I 'm going to make an effort to have a little more union , a little more yoga in my life . You know what that might mean ? A little less yoga homework might get done . But I think thats worthwhile if I get to talk to my sister and maybe see a little daylight . How does this relate you you ? You 're sane , you didn 't take too much on to your plate right ? Pardon my language but BULLS * $ % T ! We all have too much on our plates . We all take on too many responsibilities . We all ignore people and things that deserve more attention . We all need a little yoga . A little union . We 've all heard the same thing in various yoga classes : " yoga isn 't about ego " , " focus on your own practice " , " look inward not to others " , " take a child 's pose if your body asks for it " . But what if a little ego is good ? What if looking over at the guy next to you makes you push yourself a little farther than you would other wise . I once heard a teacher speak about the balance between ahimsa ( non - violence ) and satyam ( truth ) . The idea of " check your ego at the door " speaks to the first principle , ahimsa , being non - violent to your own body . The problem with this concept is that it can also be complacency . Lazyness and compassion are a breath apart on your yoga mat . Satyam on the other hand is the trueness of your practice . When you say to yourself " I 'm taking a child 's pose because this is what my body is asking for today " it feels very zen goddess yogini doesn 't it ? But get real , you 're a badass , you can do one more breath . And it 's gonna hurt and thats awesome . The trueness of your practice is that you can take one more breath . Now for those who are kind enough to read this and don 't do yoga you make have checked out a few sentences ago ( likely when I mentioned sanskrit ) . How do these principles apply to the world off the mat you ask ? Why thanks for asking ! I have an answer . Or at least an attempt at an answer . Today at work someone said something a little rude to me about leaving early to go to my yoga teacher training . They essentially implied I was being lazy by leaving early . My initial reaction was to just ignore the comment , ahimsa right ? I was being compassionate to that person . I 'm a zen loving , mala bead wearing , incense burning yogini so I 'm not going to lower myself and make a rude comment back . They weren 't really upset with me their snarky comment was really about themselves not me . Then I thought about truth . The truth was I would think about this comment all day . Here we are 12 hours later and I 'm writing about it . So instead I said something . I just expressed my gratitude that I get to be in court every morning and on my mat in the afternoon . How lucky am I ? Very . And I know it . And so I told them how lucky and blessed and grateful I am . So I 've created a new road . The " high road " or not reacting to a rude comment is being diverted to a little path called satyam street . I 'm gonna walk on that road for a while and see how it feels , I 'm betting its going to feel as good as holding a yoga pose for an extra breath does . Have you heard the one about the dyslexic overachiever ? She misunderstood the homework from her yoga teacher training and instead of doing 200 breaths of navasana ( boat pose ) she did 200 boat poses . . . for 5 breaths each . For my mathematically challenged law school friends that is 1 , 000 breaths in boat pose . And that is what I attempted to do last night . Now get off your couch for a minute and try boat pose for 5 breaths , forget 1 , 000 . Balance on your sits bones , bring your knees up , don 't even worry about straightening the legs , and bring your arms up . And enjoy that for a moment . Now imagine me 300 breaths in . I was almost in tears . Obviously this did not happen for 1 , 000 breaths . In fact at the end of my night I ended at about 500 because I couldn 't take it any more . And lets be clear , it wasn 't 500 straight I took breaks . And I did it while listening to Kanye . I arrived at class today and asked the other girls how they did . No one seemed phased . So I mentioned to Fred how hard 1 , 000 breaths had been and that I had only been able to do 500 . " Oh , yea , you were only supposed to do 200 breaths , not 200 boat poses . " Oh . Then I made the mistake of asking if that was homework for every night . " No , only if you want to improve your practice . But you 're welcome to just stay where you are in your practice if you don 't want to improve . " Double Oh . guess which shoes at the studio belong to me I 've heard many teachers say , what you don 't like to do is what you need . I used to hate pigeon , its really really really really hard for me . And then one day I decided obviously it must be good for me because I hated it and I just decided to love it instead . Navasana is my new favorite . To the credit of navasana and my increasingly strong core I did my first jump back from bakasana ( crow ) to chaturanga ( push up ) . Without face planting . not me , but just so y ' all can get an idea Fred said something today that resonated with me " the only thing your body hates is a day off . " Your body might ask you to do something differently today , maybe your injured and you need to honor your body with a little ahimsa ( non - violence / compassion ) . More than likely though you 're fine . You , like me , are just lazy and that is why you aren 't practicing . So , let 's practice a little more satyam ( truth / trueness ) . When we 're being a little more truthful the reality is that you might hate rolling out your mat , but you also hate rolling it back up . Because once you start your practice , your workout , your homework , your family dinner . Once you work out those kinks , you shake out the aches and pains the truth come out . It feels good . Really good . Today was my first day teaching to the whole group of 9 people including Fred , which is kiiiiinda intimidating , its something that doesn 't necessarily feel good for me right away . Its like pigeon pose , it takes a few times to get good for me . You also have to remember that everyone is two days ahead of me now because they are going to class seven days a week and I am only going four . No one died during my part of the class . No one fell over . No seriously bodily injuries . I 'm counting today as a win . One thing you have to love about Fred is he doesn 't mince words . When you miss something or cue it wrong he IMMEDIATELY informs you . And its not like a " hey next time you might try . . . " its like , " don 't ever do it that way . ever . " So thats something that I don 't like so much , but I definitely need it . After some tough love from Fred I 'm feeling mighty fine and ready to go to 1000 200 breaths in boat pose . While watching trashy TV . Its all about balance right ? Today I practiced at Green Monkey again , and was thrilled to see some old and new friends I hadn 't seen in a while . I was in an awesome mood today and it totally reflected in my practice , I had one of the easiest practices I 've had in a long time . Maybe this whole no days off thing really is a good idea . Maybe I was high on a guilty verdict . Either way I bounced my tush onto my mat and found myself taking extra chaturangas and vinyasas . Jason Lawner led an incredible class . His theme tonight , and theres always a theme in a Jason class , was taking notice of your tendencies . Umm Hi Jason , thats a suuuuuuuper uncomfortable thing to do . I like prancing through life pretending to be perfect and here you are kind of ruining that for me . OK , so its a pretty valid point he 's bringing up . If you cheat at yoga , its something that only you really know . Let 's be honest no one is hurt by this . The guy next to you doesn 't have his practice effected in any way by your cheating . What do I mean by cheating you ask ? We 've all done it . The instructor says , firm up , brighten , melt and we . . . . do nothing . We chill right where we are . In life those who share our lives aren 't quite so lucky , if we cheat , they probably get cheated . Of our time , our love , our attention . Maybe of something more important , we might actually harm someone by cheating . I am notorious about lying about how far away I am from somewhere , I always say I 'm closer than I am because , truthfully , I 'm embarrassed to be running late . I think being late is a sign of disrespect and I don 't want to be disrespectful . Jason 's point today was just to take notice of our tendencies , not necessarily to change them . But the challenge I extend to you is when you notice you are cheating to not only take note of it but maybe to shift . Now I 'm not asking you to change your life , but maybe a little bump as I would call it in my spin class . Take a little bump of a change , just enough so you notice it . I 'm going to be a little more conscious of my time and the time of others . Today was my first day on my own . My 8 fellow teacher training yoginis headed back to the studio and I went . . . to court . I spent my morning sending people to jail for traffic infractions ( yay ! thrilling ! justice in the works ! ) and my afternoon prepping for my day tomorrow ( bench trials ! suspended licenses ! south dade courthouse ! ) . Now , many of you may take my exclamation marks sarcastically . In fact I am serious , seriously happy . I am seemingly permanently happy . On the phone with Larry tonight he asked if I was OK . Because I sound shockingly happy for getting home at 10pm . I don 't even seem stressed . For those of you who know me well , sarcastic and stressed is sort of my M . O . Yoga teacher training seems to be doing me well . In any case , I came home , I did work for school ( bleh ) and I got dressed to go to yoga ! Back to my home studio , Green Monkey , with my favorite new teacher , Thomas Taulbee ! I have had the honor of practicing near Thomas for over a year now and he was my first yogi friend at GM . Over the last few months he has moved from the front row of the class next to me to the very front of the room leading me . I had the best one on one class with Thomas last week and an equally amazing class packed into the small branch room with about 20 other yogis tonight . Twenty people in a tiny room = mucho sweat . You may be catching onto a theme here , I 'm essentially planning on sweating my asana off for the next six months . Or possibly the rest of my life . Maybe I should back up , " how did I end up here ? " you may ask . Aren 't you in law school and doing a million other activities ? Uh , yes , I just like to overwhelm myself with activities . The truth is I 've been thinking about getting certified for years . Recently I 've felt a greater push towards getting certified . So , I went to Wanderlust in Vermont with my lovely girls Lara and Molly and when I came back I knew the time had come to finally get certified . Then like magic Fred Busch 's website appeared on my iPhone beckoning me to come and sweat my asana off . I skipped out of work early and strutted in stilettos into Fred 's studio clad in a suit , I did not appear to be yoga ready . But , I was and I am , and so days later I arrived at my first day of teacher training . I took two classes taught by other instructors before training even began . Now , this is hot yoga . My first yoga class I ever took at age 15 was Bikram . I 've done hot yoga . I ran a studio that had hot yoga . I have never been this hot in my life . I sweated my asana off to say the least . Day one of training was a flood of information . Asanas to learn . IN SANSKRIT . Homework . Every day . So much yoga to do . And now I 'm a vegan . You ask : Rachel , when did you decide to do that ! ? ! Answer : I reference October 2010 for 6 weeks while living in Alaska I was a vegan . I also had time there . Like , tons of time . I cooked . Lots . I made incredible gourmet vegan meals three times a day . I actually made my own salad dressing and bottled it . I made kick ass vegan cupcakes . Now flash forward to July 2012 . I work 50 hours a week , as an intern , an unpaid intern . Then I teach spin . And I practice yoga . Plus yoga teacher training . Aaaaand I occasionally try to see my boyfriend . Allegedly I have a family , I don 't see them very frequently , they may or may not live down the street . So time to cook vegan meals - not so much . I 'm essentially a vegetarian , but I have a confession . I love cheese . A lot . Veganism is hard for me . Thus , you can imagine my shock when I was informed that I am now a vegan . At least for the foreseeable future . A new pintrest board was immediately created . Recipes are being pinned furiously , feel free to make suggestions . Other important life changes from day one , I was also informed that I have officially had my last day off of yoga . For the rest of my life . I 'm obviously happier about doing the yoga everyday than being a vegan . And lastly - I 'm not allowed to complain . For the rest of training . Sooooo my sarcastic jewyness is not appreciated . So , none of the above was complaining . The reality is I am so grateful that I have this opportunity . I am the luckiest girl in the world and I know it . I have a loooooong road ahead of me , and you 're all coming along with me : ) I started on my mat at 10 : 30am . Not an unbearable time by any means . I actually had a great morning , work up with my puppy and my boyfriend . Had a little family breakfast . Picked up my new yogini friend Tara , and headed to class . And then we started our practice with Gaby . Gaby looks like a nice girl . She has a sweet smile and a hug to greet you with . She has an awesome yoga voice . She doesn 't annoy you with fake soothing , she 's genuine in every word she says . She was out to kill yesterday . I have LITERALLY never sweated so much in my life . I had to walk out at one point , just to breathe some not hot air . I took that as an opportunity to look in the mirror ( p . s . never look in the mirror in the middle of a hot yoga class , you will not be happy with what is looking back at you ) . I looked like a drowned rat . You see friends , I set mat up right in front of the heater , a mistake I will never make again . It was sweltering . I sweat buckets . And you know what , so did everyone in the room . I was a little miserable . In my head I complained ( Fred , if you 're reading this , don 't kill me ) . Then I surrendered , I was so exhausted I just stopped being able to resist . It 's something I 'm not particularly good at , but it 's part of my mantra and I 'm working on it . And when I surrendered , when I stopped fighting the heat and the pain and fatigue , I got strong . It wasn 't so hard anymore . I went back and finished the last 20 minutes , still sweating my asana off , but feeling pretty kick ass . Then after sweating for 90 minutes I got to start the real deal - I had 4 hours of teacher training ahead of me . No one will be surprised by my next admission . I talk too much . In general , in specific , just always , I talk way too much . It 's like a genetic disease , everyone in my family talks . Or perhaps it 's a gift . Certainly it 's lead to a career path that allows me to speak exorbitant amounts in front of a captured captive group of defendants audience . I learned on day two of training that my propensity for verbosity isn 't always a blessing . One of our tasks was to teach portions of a class to each other . This is something I feel super comfortable doing , I taught yoga for almost 2 years in college to 6th grade boys in and I teach spin every week now . On top of that I was an elementary school teacher for a year . I spend all day talking in court ! On the record ! In front of scary people that I 'm trying to impress ! And therein lies the lesson : I talk too much . Pablo taught our teacher training yesterday , and as he came around to observe us , he gave me some much needed correction . I needed to use fewer words to explain more information . " When someone only has three breaths in a pose you can 't be saying all that crazy shit , " he explained , " get to the point , just tell them where they 're going . " Harsh ? Yea . Correct ? Hell yea . So it 's a lesson I 'm taking off the mat and into the world with me . Less filler words , less mindless jabbering , more meaning . Namaste , Rachel Posted by
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It starts like this . . . here I am , an expert traveler ( according to your own definition - - we 've never disagreed about that ) and here you are , a solid , decent airport . . . maybe you 're made up a little more than I would like , but it 's not as if you 're Las Vegas McCarran airport ( LAS ) . I mean , you 're made up but you 're not completely artificial . Then , when I walk up to security , it all starts to fall apart . Seeing the longer lines , I decide to go through the " expert traveler " line . But when you see me with my wife and infant daughter , it 's like some sort of jealousy sets in . You tell me , no strollers in the expert traveler line , and I accept that . You tell me , I have to go through the family line , and I say , no , that 's slow , I don 't want to go through that line . And then the lying starts . You tell me it will be faster . You tell me the line is shorter . You tell me you will help me with my things . You tell me that I " have to " use that line . So I take my wife and infant daughter around the corner , where I see a sign that it is for " families , inexperienced and first time travelers . " It 's too late to go back now , though , and I think you are laughing at me . So I stand there with the families who have never collapsed their strollers before , the man in the metal suit of armor , the guy who can 't figure out why you won 't let him take his Big Gulp through the line and is determined to chug it instead of throwing it away . I watch as you empty out pocket knives and full water balloons and firecrackers from the bags of those in front of me , and as you remind people to take off their shoes and jackets , over and over , and meanwhile , here I am , humiliated like a high schooler forced to repeat kindergarten . Because you know I 'm better than that , and it 's so clear that you 've sent me into this line just to embarrass me . I find myself thinking about what it 's like in PDX when I go through the expert traveler line with my wife and infant daughter . Just a week ago we were in that line , and I remember how we whipped out the quart sized bag with the formula and baby food in it , and how we managed to neatly get all our sweaters into one bin and our shoes onto the conveyor belt and how , with one hand and a smooth , practiced motion the stroller folded down and slid into the X - ray machine . I remember how the security personnel nodded and smiled and one of them said , " You 've done this before " and I knew that this was a moment they would treasure , that at the end of the day when they went home , exhausted , and one of their loved ones said " How was your day ? " they would answer , " Long and difficult but there was this one bright moment where this expert traveler put all his stuff into the X - ray machine in such a smooth and practiced way that we all wanted to stop and stare but that would have only slowed him down , and it would have been disrespectful to slow a man like that down . " And then maybe they think for a moment , if only I had asked him for his autograph , and then they will find a 3x5 card in their pocket that night as they get ready for bed and it will be my autograph , which I slipped into their pocket during security . And that is , at last , the plain truth of it all . You treat me like some inexperienced traveler and PDX treats me with respect and even awe . I wouldn 't tell you all this unless I cared about you , at least a little . As I told you several days ago , putting a daily leadership tip on your blog makes you popular and irresistible to internet search engines , bots and even people . As if in answer to my profound nuggets of wisdom , a short interview with me came out today on a writing site that had done a short review of my book . That 's right , it 's a writing site and has nothing to do with my leadership tips . But I would like to use this as evidence that my leadership tips are working . Because sometimes you have to lead people somewhere but the facts are not in your favor and you can 't let that stop you . Enjoy the article , in which I reveal why I am the main character in my own novel . Oooooh , the suspense is killing you , isn 't it ? Posted by Keep your messages short . Five minutes if you lecture . Twelve with discussion . Twenty with a skit . Anything longer than this must include a multi - media laser show presented by dinosaur sock puppets from the moon . You can 't be a leader and stay in bed all day . Unless you have a laptop , wireless internet , and a cell phone . A bed pan would also be strongly suggested . Optional : a t - shirt that says " CHIEF . " Every once in a great while someone writes me and says , " Mikalatos , we know you have deep thoughts to share , but your blog is mostly you goofing around , as if this is your hobby or something . Why don 't you share something serious ? And none of these long posts about comparing the book of Genesis to the Epic of Gilgamesh . Do you think we want a humanities lecture ? We do not ! P . S . We don 't even read your dumb Gilgamesh commentaries . " An excellent point . And since I am going to be at Campus Crusade 's National Leadership Conference this week and want you to be able to have deep thoughts about leadership from someone who knows what he 's talking about ( NOTE : I am referring to myself ) , I will republish here some Leadership Tips which I originally published here some time ago . Observe : TWO ) A leader should never say , " I am sorry you are so stupid . " I know what you are asking yourself right now . And the answer is : No , not even if they are very , very stupid . THREE ) A leader must be flexible . For instance , if you are camping and realize you have forgotten your sleeping bag , a suitable replacement can be made by putting a few ducks or geese into a large garbage bag . So warm ! FOUR ) It is not a good thing if your followers start to call you a Nazi , unless you are the leader of a gang of skinheads . This is the sort of blog - worthy gold that makes blogs get thousands of hits , as people are looking to get some leadership tips . I think I will give more leadership tips throughout the days to come in honor of the National Leadership Conference . In the meantime , please feel free to share in the comments about how these four tips have impacted your leadership style . " True stories " are encouraged . One of the more fascinating things about the story of the flood is comparing it to the myths and legends about the universal flood in other cultures and traditions . My pastor , John Johnson , has been talking about how Genesis , or at least parts of it , was written as a polemic against these other stories . . . a sort of way of saying , " You think this is how the world began , or this is who God is , but here 's the REAL story . " Which is particularly interesting as you look at the story of Noah . Now , this is not at all the point of what I 'm sharing this weekend , so all of this is really just interesting window dressing I 've been mulling over the last couple of weeks , but I thought some of you BHR minions might find it interesting . Longtime readers of the blog will already know how much I enjoy the story of Gilgamesh , which has a full telling of a flood story in tablet XI . There are lots of fascinating parallels ( like the use of birds to investigate the flood levels afterwards , the multiple levels in the vessels they use . . . although Utnapishtim 's is actually his own house , not a boat ) . 1 ) The reason for the flood being sent to destroy all mankind . In Genesis , God destroys humanity because they are continually wicked in their actions and thoughts . They are filling the world with violence . In the Epic of Gilgamesh , the gods are concerned about human population , and specifically are annoyed by all the annoying sound that human beings make all the time . 2 ) The response of God / the gods to the flood . The Mesopotamian gods experience terror , fleeing to the highest heavens to get away from the flood . There is a weeping speech about the evil that has been done in destroying all mankind . God in Genesis is not afraid of the flood ; he does promise never to destroy humanity on this scale again , so that could be used as an argument that he regrets the flood in some way ( though that 's never stated , while his regret at creating mankind is expressed using very strong language earlier in the story ) . 3 ) Response of God / the gods to the sacrifices after the flood . Utnapishtim makes a sacrifice to the gods after the flood and they come flocking around it " like flies " . There is an inference that there is a sort of sustenance the gods get from the sacrifices of humanity . In contrast , Noah 's God is pleased by the " aroma " of Noah 's sacrifice , and , well , that 's pretty much it . 4 ) The rainbow . Ishtar throws her necklace into the sky as a reminder of what happened ( but no promise it won 't happen again ) . Noah 's God puts his " bow " ( the word in Hebrew is actually for a bow like a bow and arrow ) into the sky as a reminder to himself that he has made a promise not to destroy humanity in this way again . 5 ) What happens next to Noah / Utnapishtim . I find this one really fascinating , although it 's more about humanity than deity . . . Utnapishtim and his wife are given immortality and sent to live far away and to guard human wisdom . Noah gets drunk , takes off all his clothes and gets made fun of by one of his sons . These are just a few contrasting things , of course , that best show this polemical theme in the story of Noah . . . I 'm sure you could write your doctoral thesis on comparing these two stories ( if it hasn 't already been done many , many times ) . But it 's interesting to me , anyway . The Hebrew story says that God doesn 't destroy on a whim , but in reaction to evil and violence on the earth . He is not afraid of the flood , or of anything , really ( he is , in this respect and others , less " human " than the Mesopotamian gods ) . The Hebrew God desires human worship but is not dependent on it . The Hebrew God makes a promise that this will never happen again and lays aside his weapon . Regarding our heroes , Utnapishtim is welcomed into the family of the gods , essentially , while the Biblical story goes out of its way to show us that Noah was , in fact , merely a man and that far from achieving deity , he hasn 't even reached the heights of humanity lost in the Garden of Eden . . . he still has to work the land , there is still shame about nakedness , there is family discord . So , there you have it . A bunch of stuff I won 't talk about this weekend at Village . Come hang out with us this weekend if you 're in Portland . In this one , Steve Martin had put into place a nefarious scheme to become Ruler of the World that required some diabolical evil . His plan had almost come to fruition , but somehow I had made it into his throneroom and he was talking with me about his plan to rule the world with an iron fist . I kept imploring him to remember how everyone in the world loved him for his many comedy bits , especially his beloved portrayal of " Squid Head Man . " I kept reminding him of the endearing things that Squid Head Man would say and do and how much we all felt connected to Squid Head Man , and that he could make the world a better place by being more like Squid Head Man instead of being an evil despot . It seemed like my words were really getting through to him , he even seemed to choke up a bit at the thought of how much we all really cared for him . Of course this is when I woke up , which I can only assume means that Emperor Martin turned off his Dream - Communicator so that he could consider all my words in privacy . So . If the world is not reduced to ashes in some evil comedian - induced plot , I suppose you have me to thank . And if , conversely , I happen to mysteriously disappear , I would appreciate it if all of you would start a grassroots campaign to send Steve Martin rubber Squid Head masks . Gracias . This week our neighbors to the West got a dog . This by itself would not be news , as many people in our neighborhood have dogs . HOWEVER , when I asked the youngest nieghbor what happened to all her cats she said , " They 're gone . " I know that the cats next door lived life to the hilt . They were several generations of chain - smoking , rough and tumble , sex - starved reprobates . They ate frogs . They stalked children . They brought fear to the neighborhood . It seemed inconceivable that they could all be gone . And yet . . . as I interrogated the child I discovered that several of the cats had " run away " and that one of the boy cats " had babies and then ran away . " And then I remembered that " ran away " is often a parent - euphamism for " fell asleep in the dryer and I didn 't notice " or " thought the engine block would be a warm place to hide . " In any case , Gemma the cat , her daughter Gemma the cat , Gemma the Second 's kitten , Toey , and Toey 's little of cats that soon followed are all gone now . Perhaps they ran away or perhaps , as I was told later in a complete contradiction , she was " sold . " Regardless , an entertaining part of our neighborhood has been removed , and thus we must fondly remember Gemma " Tiger Cat " and her progeny . We have several trees in our backyard , all of which we planted ourselves . I 'm pretty attached to them . Two summers ago our pear tree bore fruit for the first time , and last summer it bore a bit more , although it also ended up with a cracked trunk . Last night I had a dream that I was in our back yard and then saw our pear tree . It was so covered with pears with that you could barely see the leaves or the branches or even the trunk . In my dream , everyone who came to the tree stood and stared at it with a sense of profound wonder , amazed by all the pears . Baby M is eating solid food now , if you call gelatinous pureed food a solid . She 's fond of apple ( sauce ) pear ( sauce ) and pea ( sauce ) as well as green bean ( sauce ) . The other night I decided it was time for her to try some meat , so I popped open a little glass bottle of " turkey " . I sat her down in her little chair , and she bounced happily while she watched me mix up some rice cereal for her , and take out the tiny plastic spoon which she uses for eating . Then I took a little bite of turkey and held it to her lips and she gobbled it up . Then she paused and looked at me for a long moment , her forehead wrinkling up while she smacked her lips over and over . She swallowed and fixed me with a look that said , " What was that ? " Sometimes with babies they are so surprised by new flavors , they aren 't sure if they like them or not . So I decided to give her another bite ( those little bottles of baby food are expensive , anyway , and you don 't want to waste them ) . Again she took a bite , puckered up , moved it around in her mouth for awhile and then let it dribble out onto her chin with a definitive look that said , " Are you really giving me that stuff again ? " Once more , I thought . Just one more try . So I gave her another spoonful . She leaned over sideways so she was hanging toward the floor and spit it out onto the chair and then looked at me as if to say , " Dad , you are supposed to give me good things in life , but this . . . this tastes like betrayal . " And she started to cry . That 's when I went and got the applesauce . Guess who 's going to have a lot of pureed turkey for snack time for the next couple of weeks . That 's right . Z and A , that 's who . I met my best friend Chris when we were in high school . We therefore have a lot of " in jokes " that no one will ever get ( like , ' Heh - heh - HI ! My name is Tranio ! ' ) . These jokes are funny to us and not to you because you weren 't there and you don 't get it . But then there 's a whole other class of jokes that are funny to us and not to you because we have a weird sense of humor . There 's really no one who makes me laugh as hard as Chris does . And while Chris doesn 't laugh at all my jokes , at least he gets them and knows why I thought they would be funny . Case in point . . . in the 90 's it was hip to make these hand made greeting cards . It seemed like everyone was making these things . I would sometimes go over to my then - girlfriend Kerry 's house and we would make some of these things . And I made the one below for Chris while he was a traveling Karate photo salesman . When Chris found the card he wrote the celebratory poem below : THE DEATH OF SNOW - HITLER My parents sent me this video last night . And I thought I would share it here for the seemingly defunct Wonderful Wednesday slot . Enjoy . And remember , it pays to be generous to pigeons . Or , as my old friend Bert would say , " Keep the park clean for the pigeons , that is the right thing to do . Put all your trash in the basket and they will say ' thank - coo ' to you . " Missiologist and author Michael Frost was in Portland this last week , and Krista and I were invited to go over to our Pastor 's house and get to know him and his wife , Carolyn , a bit over dinner . There were maybe twenty of us there , and after dinner we sat in the living room and talked about " missional church " and what that means in a Western , post - modern context . It was an interesting conversation , especially as we talked about the difference between church communities that use worship as the engine for what they do versus communities that use mission . Then , on Sunday , Michael spoke at our church . To get a feel for what he means when he talks about " missional " you can listen to his talk here . I thought his talk was exceptional , and that God really spoke through him . Our pastor shared his thoughts about Michael 's sermon this week as well . SARAH ATKINSON - - click on that link to see which of your favorite authors Michael Frost used to end his sermon . The Apostle Peter punches Jesus in the face , then chases him out of a coffee shop . And that 's just chapter 0 . In this quirky tale the publisher describes as " not - quite - true , " former missionary and comic book store clerk Mikalatos disguises his critique of Christian life in an action - based quest to find the real Jesus . It 's A Christmas Carol meets Oz , but instead of ghosts and tin men , it 's a talking donkey , a motorcycle rider , and Mikalatos himself . The cast of characters drags the reader through the streets of Seattle and ancient Judea to introduce a host of fake Jesuses : Magic 8 Ball Jesus , Harley Jesus , even Liberal Social Services Jesus . They 're constructs of the human mind . " People invent a Jesus for one specific reason and then discard him when they don 't need him anymore , " says one of the Jesuses ( the one with an expensive suit ) . Peter teaches Mikalatos that he must quiet falsehoods and mold a deeper relationship with the living , historical Jesus . Mixing questions of suffering and free will with " a nexus of weirdness , " Mikalatos throws Christian fiction into the world of Comic - Con and Star Wars . His silly quest is startling , contemporary , meaningful , and occasionally exhausting when the reader is puzzled . It begs for a comic book counterpart . ( Apr . ) Anytime a book is compared to the Oz books and Charles Dickens and Star Wars , it has to be good , right ? And it is begging for a comic book counterpart . Did you hear that , Mike Richardson of Dark Horse Comics ? Well , did you ? Okay . Now that you know it is great from an impartial source , you can go pre - order a copy . Go on . I dare you . You can also order it from Powell 's bookstore , which appears in the book . That would be a nice little piece of meta - fiction for your day . If you lost , that doesn 't mean you are a loser . You can still purchase your own copy at Powells , or Amazon or download it at Christian Audio . It 's just that it won 't be shipping right away , unlike the copies winging off to our talented and lovely winners . Now there 's some lady out there wondering if there really IS a Colin Smith at my house and if I am part of a cover up . But it 's not true . There 's no Colin here . Posted by A case in point : Last Monday I sent Z off to school with an envelope containing twenty bucks , so she could turn it in at the cafeteria for her lunch money fund . That day when she got to the cafeteria , the lunch lady told her that she didn 't have any money in her account and she couldn 't get lunch . She eventually caved and let Z get lunch , at least , but told her that she had never turned in her money . So Z tells us about it , and just to make sure we check her backpack and she cleaned out her desk at school . No envelope full of cash . Now the thing is , my kids loses stuff sometimes . She does . But she was really committed to the fact that she had turned that money in . She told me all about it . When she did it . Who took it . Her confusion about it not being in her account . And this kid is pretty sharp . There are plenty of adults I would put in second place to her on sheer mental acuity . So I believe her . This week I went in to ask the lunch lady about it . And you know what 's weird ? She has pink hair . Not that this bothers me , but I wanted to point it out just in case you had the stereotypical picture of a lunch lady with blue hair . Anyway , I tell her who I am and tell her I want to see my daughter 's lunch account balance . She says this is no problem . It 's at negative one dollar . " I sent in twenty bucks on Monday , " I said . " I know your daughter and she never came in here with twenty dollars . Maybe she gave it to the teacher . " " I would have a record of that . Look , here in the computer it says that she last brought money in November . And I write down all the kids who bring it in by hand also . " " Okay . " She goes off to find it , brings it back and sits down and we look over the list . " See ? " she said . " She 's not on the list . " Except that she is . Right in the middle . I point her out . And now instead of the slightly defensive person having an internal monologue about how kids always lose stuff and parents complain , there 's a conversation about not - knowing - how - this - could - happen and where is the money and whose account did it end up in . I told her I was sure she would figure it out , she assured me she would , and I left . Notice the lack of apology . Nobody is going to pull Z aside next time she goes through the lunch line and say , " Hey , kid , you were right and all the adults were wrong . Good job . You deserve to be trusted . " Because she 's eight years old , and she loses stuff sometimes . Sometimes it 's good to be an adult . One of the greatest disadvantages for Tyndale ( the excellent publishers of Imaginary Jesus ) is the constant demands of the ravenous fans that this book be released early . It really is a hardship , but they are sticking to their guns . APRIL FIRST they have said , over and over , as people call their offices , send angry e - mails and - in one unfortunate incident - threw a brick into their office with a note on it that said " You will get REAL BRICKS once a week until I get Imaginary Jesus . " To help alleviate the tension a bit , Tyndale has allowed Christian Audio , the geniuses who put together the audio book version , to release the audio book before the print book ! In fact , you can buy it on CD RIGHT NOW ! Or you can download it at Christian Audio and be listening to it in a few minutes . Despite the ignorant paragraph above , penned by ridiculous authors who think they are in the know ( cough cough Mikalatos ) this audio book remains unavailable . UNLESS YOU HAPPEN TO BE ME AND HAVE A COUPLE OF COPIES RIGHT NOW ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND . And it just so happens that I do happen to be me , and thus have copies on my nightstand . And therefore please read the sentence in red below : To keep things simple , I 'm going to use a random number generator to pick one person at random from the Imaginary Jesus e - mail list . So sign up here for your chance to win ! I 'll announce the winner a week from today . That 's right ! Be the first to listen to the audio book ! Amaze your friends ! Shame your enemies ! Obfuscate your pursuers ! Verb your nouns ! Do it today !
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By Jeanne AdamsAre you a Dog Person or a Cat Person ? If you 've ever owned a dog - or been owned by one - even if you don 't have one now , you know you 're ONE OF THEM . The Dog People . The people who carry a spare leash in the car in case they come across the neighbor 's dog , loose and running toward the street . You 're the one who 's been known to have three or four manky , disgusting tennis balls rolling around in your van or car , as well as having spare " dog towels " in the trunk . You 're the one who bought special protective covers for your car seats , or even better , a ramp so your older dog could still go for rides with you . Your car windows have that special doggy imprint . . . you may even have one of those bumper stickers that says I HEART My Bouvier de Flanders . ( Yes , that is a dog ) Or one that says , My Mutt Can Beat Up Your Purebred . You laughed uproariously at the Pedigree Super Bowl Commercial featuring the odd pets - that - were - not - dogs . You laugh at Frazier 's dog , Eddie . You buy your dog presents for the holidays . Yep . Dog Person . ( You Cat People are a whoooollllleeee different kettle of fish , so to speak . I 'm gonna talk about your proclivities on the 19th . . . . ) Dogs are wonderful creatures , really . Loyal . Protective . Funny . Sympathetic . Pick an adjective . Introduce two true Dog People and they 'll be happy for hours telling dog stories . It 's even worse if they share a breed - specific scenario - i . e . put two Yorkie owners together and the " ooh , my Chester just . . . " stories go on , and on , and on . Dogs are great conversation starters . A single - guy friend of mine calls his dog , Hefty , a chick - magnet . ( While this picture isn 't Hefty , it looks like him . So , you can see , Hefty is just that , and has been from puppyhood . ) Hefty turns heads wherever he goes , that 's for sure . As a reader , I love it when there 's a dog in the book . I so enjoyed hearing about Pirate , the talking Jack Russell in Angie Fox 's Accidental Demon Slayer . I also loved hearing about the motorcycle clubs for dogs and their owners . Our own Donna MacMeans is featured in aPosted by Oh congrats on the GR , Fedora ! Haha I 'm a dog person too . Favorite kid book with a dog ? Clifford ! ( Gah my computer is slow tonight . ) Erm . . . romance with a dog ? You know , I can 't think of one off the top of my head . I think there was one by . . . Elaine Fox ? Hey Fedora ! Go you ! Way to snag the bird . Limecello , * waving * always nice to meet another dog person . : > I adore Clifford , the Big Red Dog . My kids always like to read the books . Fedora , you beat me by a nose ! * g * Congratulations ! Jeanne , we are definite dog people . We talk for our dog . We buy her gifts . Alas , she 's not good in the car , but she and the dh do regular neighborhood patrols , which she sees no reason to delay for weather . It 's just sad , really , that humans have such sorry coats , they can 't tolerate a little rain . Or sleet . Or snow . Our first dog was a golden retriever we adopted from an ad in the paper . Seven years old and already housebroken , she quickly became the Queen of the House . When the boy was born , she appointed herself supervisor . If he relocated ( or was moved by us ) , she moved with him , always lying between him and the rest of the room . When she died , the house seemed unbearably empty , so we adopted another older golden from a rescue group . He was sort of like an Edwardian gentleman - - very dignified , gave himself duties he stuck to faithfully . However , he had lived with his mother his whole life and was lonely , so we adopted a companion from the same group , another " senior " dog . The companion died of cancer , alas , so we adopted the current boss , a yellow lab , from a teacher who didn 't feel she could give the dog enough time . And then our old fellow died , but Herself seems to like being an only dog , so it 's just us and her for now . She hangs with the boy on the couch ( I know , a terrible habit , but she came to us with it , and I got better things to do than ride herd on that ) , supervises the kitchen and dinner table , and periodically does bed checks . Only a dog person would run on like this . : - / Heehee , Nancy ! You have the Dog Person Gene . There you go . : > Welcome to the club . We got the IWS because the old male Dal , Remy , was lonely . He 'd never been an only dog . My very old Best in Show girl , also a Dal , crossed the Rainbow Bridge about 3 years ago . It took me till now to be able to get another dog , she was one of the special ones , you know ? Anyway , I believe the big guy , Remy , missed her as much as I did . How else can you explain that he , the ruler of the roost , and an intact male , accepted an interloper , four year old male , also unneutered ? They get along great . Go figure . Oh , they too , feel great pity for our lack of a servicable , weather resistant coat . We 're a bunch of fur - less two - leggers , to be pitied , I guess , for our inability to tolerate the weather . Oh - - totally forgot your questions . Best romance with a dog - - A Firefighter in the Family by Trish Milburn ties with Dark and Dangerous by Jeanne Adams . I know there were others I liked , but I can 't remember them now . Untouched by Anna Campbell also had a great dog . Best kid book with a dog - - I avoided them since the dogs tended to meet mournful fates , usually saving the kids . But we " read " the Carl books to the boy , who loved them ( until he found out the baby was a girl , which seemed to impair his identification with the stories ) . So I pick Carl . Or , as the boy called them , the " CarlBaby " books . He would probably pay me serious money not to tell his girlfriend that . Bwahahahaha ! I didn 't know you had shown dogs . I did know you had and loved them , but I missed that detail . Love the wedding picture ! Limecello , we read Clifford , too . I think the boy liked the creative element in the Carl books - - though after we did one , he wanted it the same thereafter ! My computer is always slow , here on Planet Dial - Up . * sigh * Nancy , that 's so funny that your boy liked Carl until he discovered the baby was a girl ! : > I love the Carl books too , but my guys never took to them . Rotties are fabulous dogs , if you get a good one and obviously Carl is a good one ! Showing was great fun , and a wonderful way to hang with other people who shared your obsession with dogs . My father used to " cook " leftovers for our family dogs , seasoning with bacon grease ( y ' all remember when keeping a can on the stove was , you know , standard ? Eeeew ! - - which is probably why the last one , an English bulldog , had to have her pancreas removed . My mother used to say she was going to die and be reincarnated as a Northcott dog . * g * Nancy said : My mother used to say she was going to die and be reincarnated as a Northcott dog . * g * Ha ! Well , ours get treated pretty darn well . One is on the twin bed in the office here with me as I write - that 's the Dal . The other is on the bed with my DH . Both are snoring . Heehee . Hmm . . . I think I 'm more a dog person than a cat one , although we 've never had the joy of furry pets ! One of my favorite kid books with dogs - - Beverly Cleary 's Ribsy stories . We 've enjoyed Clifford , too , and now the kids are beginning to appreciate Snoopy : ) As for a romance with a dog , Debra Salonen has a couple Superromances I enjoyed - - Love , By George was a good one . . . I 'm sure there are more , but my brain 's not especially cooperative right now ; ) I like cats and dogs the same . I love those toilet paper commercials that feature golden retriever and yellow lab puppies . My favorite dog books from childhood were those Spot books . Limecello mentioned Elaine Fox . I love her books . My favorites include " Guys and Dogs " and " Beware of Doug . " Congrats on the GR , Fedora . Hey Jeanne , loved that post ! Really ? You 're a dog lover ? I 'd NEVER have guessed . LOL I love dogs . Respect cats and probably would think about having one if half the family weren 't allergic , but dogs are really the best friends anyone could have . We had 2 Great Dane crosses , now sadly only one . Love big dogs . Don 't yours look gorgeous in that photo ? My SIL 's Dalmatian was an attendant at the wedding . Sort of like a best man . But then Dalmations do look rather bridal , don 't they ? Favourite dog book as a child - - I can 't even remember what it 's called , but I do remember it was from the dog 's POV and these robbers trained the dog not to bark when they came to the house . They then sold him as a guard dog and broke into the house . Only , he was so glad to see them , he started barking , ' hey , there ! Hi , fellas ! ' and they got caught . I thought that was hilarious . There 's also the infamous Baluchistan hound in Heyer 's Frederica . Fedora , it 's a while since you had him for the day . How doggone lucky are you ? I like cats and dogs - I think they both have qualities and it depends on the particular animal as well . They 're all individuals , aren 't they ? I grew up with pets so it still seems odd to me that I don 't have a pet at the moment . It 's just not practical so I tend to make a huge fuss of my friends ' pets when I see them instead ! Cheaper too ! Hey , isn 't there a wonderful dog called Wolfram in a book by that Campbell Woman ? You know , the one who can never pass up a promo opportunity ! Great blog , Jeanne ! Should I be concerned that I match pretty much every dog person attribute that you listed ? Nah , I didn 't think so either . : ) It 's dogs all the way for me . . . which explains why I 'm sitting here wide awake at 4am while my younger one happily snoozes at my side . She had a nightmare , you see , and needed reassuring . Her whimpers invaded my sleep but it was the tongue in the ear that brought me wide awake . After a trip to the back yard , some " catch " in the living room and a session of tummy rubs she 's now sound asleep in my bed . Older dog is , happily , still asleep . I can hear her snores coming from her ortho mattress ( which is better than mine ) in the bedroom . I 'll be joining them shortly . Ten minutes later . . . Still here . Older dog awoke with a snort and decided she needed to go investigate why younger dog needed to go to the back yard . LOL ! It 's a typical full moon night at PJ 's house . I really need to get some sleep but I 'll be back later to answer your questions , Jeanne and talk more about my dogs . I do love to talk about my dogs . : ) I can see why that wedding photo would be your favorite . It 's beautiful ! It 's a gorgeous full moon out there , isn 't it PJ ? My very senior terrier mix got me out of bed at 5 : 00 AM to go see it . She got her in and gave her her medications . She 's sixteen now and still climbs the stairs to wake only me . I love both cats and dogs , though . I grew up with German Shepards and Persian cats ( and a couple brothers and sisters as well ) . Loved the Clifford series and the little Golden Book , " Are You My Mother ? " Everyone has already mentioned some wonderful romances so I 'd mentione another if I could remember the title , darn it . It was the story of a snarky woman who was reincarnated as a Corgi with a mission to find a mate for the nice heroine she 'd been extremely cruel to in her human days . Does anyone remember it ? Very cute and very funny . Thanks for mentioning TAILS OF LOVE , Jeanne . All the stories feature a pet . Mine , another Victorian , features the famed " big , black dog " in England . Should be a fun read . I love both dogs and cats . I have both too . And I love Bouviers ! Actually I love big dogs all around . We have a 125lb Bernese Mountain dog ( he 's ginormous for his breed , they usually don 't go much over 100lbs ) His name is Baby Bear ! Favourite romance with a dog . . . hmmm . . . . Didn 't Jo Bev 's Rothgar family have some wolfhounds ? As for childhood stories . . . where the red fern grows . . . little ann and old dan wasn 't it ? I read that book so many times as a kid . Fedora , congrats on the GR . Keep him away from the dog ! Jeanne , I am totally a cat person . There are dogs I 've owned in my life and dogs I 've loved , but I love my kitty ( well , kitties , ' cause we 've had a bunch ) . My current cat , Chaps , is a revolutionary . I can 't say much about the grass roots revolution he is fomenting . . . . but change she is a ' coming . In Switzerland , people took their dogs into the cafes and the pooches sat under the tables or beside chairs very politely while their people ate . In Raleigh , there was a restaurant that allowed dogs to visit . The owner was a dog lover and his dog came to work with him every day . The city of Raleigh just shut him down ( because someone mentioned the dogs in a review of the restaurant ) , citing health concerns . Several people are filing a suit to explore the legalities of banning dogs other than service animals . It 's a whole thing ! Hey , Jeanne ! You know , I 've been both a cat & a dog person over the years . After a bad experience with a rescue dog , I find that I 'm actually neither anymore . I 'm more of a toddler person . You need an extra diaper , a wipe , a pair of pants , a blanket , a stroller , a sling or a copy of Goodnight Moon ? I 've probably got one in the bag here , hang on . My husband would LOVE a dog again someday . I 've told him I 'm open to it , on the following conditions : 1 ) The dog must be thirty pounds or less , as I 'm through asserting my alpha - ness over a dog I only out - weigh by twenty pounds . 2 ) The dog must shed minimally , as I already blow at vacuuming . 3 ) Our youngest must be at least 5 years of age . 4 ) The dog must be of a bullet - proof temperment that will allow it to tolerate the " love " a pair of 5 & 8 year olds will dole out . 5 ) My husband will be responsible for any & all care the dog requires before 8 a . m . I have a feeling this is buying me significant time . But just for future reference , anybody have a dog in mind that might fit these criteria ? I 'm definitely a dog person , though I haven 't had one since I had to leave my Dozer behind when I left my ex . He 'd been on that farm since he was six wks old and I couldn 't move him to town with me . I still miss him like crazy . I 've had both dogs and cats during my life , and I 've loved them all . But there 's just something about a dog . Good Morning , Fedora ! Hey , I loved the Ribsy stories . I hadn 't thought about those in years . : > How 's the bird doing for you today ? Now see , Terrio , I agree with you . I 've had cats and dogs , and both together . There 's just something about a dog . Morning Jane ! Oh , Elaine Fox ! Yes . I 've heard a lot about Beware of Doug . I 've been meaning to pick that one , or at least one of hers , up . * making a note * If nothing else to say thank you for the fab website she maintains where she posts deals and agent and editor info . Thanks , Elaine ! I was a cat person my whole life , mainly because my mom doesn 't like ANY animals but she finally caved and let us get a cat when I was in high school . And then , in the middle of a horrific Chicago winter , we found an abandoned cat and took it in . We quickly found out that my supposedly female cat , Anastasia , was male , when the cat we took in got hugely pregnant ( we changed " her " name to Anya ) . Chelsea had four kittens ( in my bed , while I was in it ) and while we were still stunned with that , she got pregnant again and had seven more . The day before she delivered , my sisters brought home a tiny kitten someone had dumped at their school . They asked me to " sneak it in " with Chelsea 's other kittens once they were born . At this point , we hadn 't found homes for the first four kittens yet , and then we suddenly had 8 more . Do the math : 2 to start with , plus four , plus eight . And then three of the first four got pregnant ( at barely six months old , as I recall - - our knowledge of cat gestatation , etc . , clearly sucked ) . A couple of the new batch of kittens ( the kittens ' kittens ) were stillborn , but some lived . The ones whose kittens had died were constantly stealing kittens from the others and hiding them in cabinets and weird places like that . I started dating my husband , who didn 't like cats then , at the peak of the cat invasion . The deaf cat would sit on the TV and swat at the pictures . You couldn 't walk without stepping on a kitten . There were five kids in my family , and my parents put us to work as a cat distribution service . I think half the cats in Elk Grove Village , IL are descendants of those cats . In the end , we were only allowed to keep two of them : Anya , who lived to be 21 , and one of his progeny . The rest found new homes . My husband grew to like cats , and in the course of our marriage we 've had about eight cats , two rabbits and two gerbils . And one beloved dog . We finally got a dog when I started working from home when the kids were young . She died in 2007 , and I blogged about it here : http : / / the - garden - muse . blogspoFebruary 9 , 2009 at 9 : 50 AM I 'm not as much of a pet person in general as I once was - - I know , I know , this is something I 'm not supposed to admit . I just have a limited amount of attention to give to other living creatures , I think , and my kids seem to suck it all out of me . ; - ) But as creatures go , I love dogs . I 'd say we have the absolute perfect dog ( yellow lab , sweet as pie , not an aggressive bone in his body , perfectly happy to lie on your feet or go for a walk , doesn 't bark , doesn 't need to obsessively chase things or retrieve , great with kids and babies , very mellow ) except that he sheds more than any creature should , and I have no time to groom this hairy beast every day ( or week , for that matter ! ) . Susan , when you find the perfect dog , let me know , okay ? ; - ) Except add lazy , doesn 't bark , and doesn 't need to be walked except on weekends to your list . And don 't tell me about labradoodles - - those dogs are HYPER ! ! : - ) Morning - or is it afternoon in Oz ? - Christine ! I adore Great Danes , but I so wish they lived longer . * pout * Glad you still have one of your stalwart companions . Wow , I haven 't read Heyer in so long . I only remember the hound because of the unusual name . Wonder where she got that from ? : > I 'll have to go look it up . . . Aren 't Dals elegant ? All clean lines and happy attitude . Heehee . I 'm not biased or anything . Nope . Not me . Anna , you rascal punner you ! As to that lovely Wolfram . I was chagrined to realize I hadn 't mentioned him in the post . When Nancy said something about the wee beastie ( Ha ! ) I thought , " How silly of me to forget HIM ! " Grins . I think you 're right about them having distinct personalities . I adore dogs , but there are some temperments I wouldn 't put up with - chow chows , chihuahuas - mostly because I have kids . There are also types that I can 't abide ( the droolers ) , but most cats fall into that as well . It 's hard to know with cats if they 'll be good with kids , but if they are , they 're priceless . Yeah , Helen ! Another in the Dog Person club ! : > As I mentioned , I was blushing to realize I 'd not mentioned Wolfram . How could I diss my Bandita that way ? * blush * Sounds like you have a houseful of pups yourself , Helen , just like I do . : > I love the sweet temperment ones as much as the fiesty ones , don 't you ? Well , you know , PJ , I probably could have guessed about you . I mean c ' mon , look at your ICON ! Heehee . Hello , pup ! What 're your dogs names ? Had to LOL about getting up with them . And that tongue in the ear thing . . . * shiver * what IS it about that ? Must be some kind of submissive , I love you , give me food deal . Gives me the tickle - willies . My two are here in the office with me as I write as well . We 'll go for a walk a bit later . Drat it ! I dissed Trish too ! She 's got a dog in HER book as well . Where 's my brain ? Brain ? Oh , braiiiin ? Where are you hiiiiiding ? Woof back at you , Fedora ! Watch the GR . He tends to lead dogs astray and it doesn 't end until somebody calls the police ! I loved this blog , my dear Duchesse and partner in crime ! And that wedding photo with the Dalmations is gorgeous . I have been a animal person since the beginning of time . Dogs , however , hold a very special place in my heart . I loved the Shiloh books and the book Sounder as a child . Then again , I liked See Spot Run . Oh and the Jack London books ! And I adored Wolfram in Untouched ! And I love Cass and Devil in Flowers from the Storm . And Trish has a terrific dog in A Firefighter in the Family . if you get the chance read Peggy Webb 's Elvis and the Dearly Departed - a bassett hound who thinks he 's Elvis is the star of that book ! Too funny ! Wow , Donna , your dog IS very senior ! My old girl Dal made it past 15 , which is superb for a Dally , but not much past , alas . Isn 't it funny about the full moon ? My two are less restless about it , but the old girl used to be extra bouncy , extra hyper around the full . I can 't wait to read Lord Hairy 's tale in print , having read a bit of it in practice , so to speak . Grins . Ya 'll are gonna LOVE this story . If you loved Mrs . Brimley . . . Mornin ' Tiffany ! Oooh , I adore Berners ! What a great breed . If you 've not seen these guys , go look them up at www . akc . org Click on Breeds and scroll down to Bernese Mountain Dogs . Gor - geous ! I 'm with you on the big dog thing . I like ' em big and thumpable . Ha ! I enjoy the smaller breeds too , but for my rough and tumble household , the big dogs are best . ( Aren 't Bouv 's great dogs too ? ) Morning Caren ! I love that your cat is a revolutionary . Have you seen some of the LOLCatz and thier revolutionary garb ? Very funny . My Siameses were plotters and used serious guerrilla tactics . They would tag - team the dogs , waiting out of sight on either side of the end of the long hallway until an unsuspecting pup would come down . Pounce ! Yipe ! Chase ensues , wait , that 's a cat ! Chase ensues the other way . A large time was usually had by all . Susan , as usual , you had me laughing from the get - go . : > Since we had dogs before the kids , during the kids , etc . we 've got ' em . We waited on introducing a second dog - even though Rem was lonely - until our youngest was over 3 . If you 've got a dog in the house , you can start younger than if you 've never had one , but it 's still a challenge . One of the reasons I went for adopting an older dog - Diver 's 4 - is that I couldn 't abide the thought of house breaking Quinn AND a puppy at the same time . Although at this rate , the pup would have been faster than Q . ( That 's a WHOLE ' nother topic ! ) As to your criteria , the shedding thing 's the problem . Like people , they shed all the time . I love my hardwood floors because I totally blow at vaccuming too . Swiffer RULES , I tell ya ' ! Rules ! The IWS is much better than the Dal though . Dal hair has a barb on it . It sticks to EVERYTHING . If you 're wearing white , they shed the black hair . If you 're wearing black , they shed the white hair . Its a conspiracy to be sure you remember them , every moment of every day . The IWS just makes hypo - allergenic tumbleweeds , easily Swiffered up . OMGosh , Becke ! That 's amazing about the cats . I had that boy - or - girl - cat ? scenario with my first cat too . Kittens ensued . Spaying followed as quickly as possible ! Ha ! I think my mother was afraid of exactly the scenario you mentioned and having grown up on a farm , she DID understand how quickly they can populate . : > BTW , it only takes that one special dog to turn you into a Dog Person . Heck the same can be said for cats . I have a friend who really disliked cats , but another friend passed away and she took the cat in until a home could be found . . . five years later the cat rules the roost . I don 't think she 'd have another cat , but Oscar isn 't exactly your normal cat . . . I love books with dogs in them and a dog on the cover of a romance will have me picking up the book faster than a cover with a gorgeous male chest . That 's how I discovered Kristan Higgins . A lot of great dogs in romance have already been mentioned . Three more favorites that came immediately to mind are Fred in Jennifer Crusie 's Anyone But You , Gordon in SEP 's Ain 't She Sweet and Jethro in Mary Kay Andrews ' Savannah Blues . Okay , Kirsten , I won 't mention Labradoodles . : > How about Bichon Frises ? They shed less , are about 15 - 20 pounds . . . Not so hyper . Then again , sounds like your Lab is perfect for now , despite the shedding . I 've never had a " coated " breed before now . Dals are wash - n - go dogs , unlike the long curly coat on the IWS . Still not sure how I feel about it . Ha ! I do agree about the kids taking a ton of your attention and leaving little for the dog . Thankfully now , my boys are into the dogs and help keep them happy . Jeanne ! ! ! What a funny , fun , and delightful post . Talking about people 's pets is really a universal thing , isn 't it ? Congrats on the rooster Fedora . It 's been a while hasn 't it ? Sigh , I think I 'm going to try for it soon , but I have a hard time beating some of you guys ! Hmmm , definitely I 'm a cat person . I love to hear all the stories about dogs and find them adoringly cute , but I just like cats . Dunno why . My friend Kelly has five dogs . Her " girls " are beautiful and well - trained and so much fun . Whenever I need a tiny dog fix , I visit her . Aurora howls like she 's in labor when I arrive . I pretend that means she likes me . Morning Louisa ! And how is the Duchess of Hotdayum this fine morning ? Heehee . I loved all the Jack London books too . Nancy and I have waxed rhapsodic about all the OBrien books about Silver Chief , Dog of the North . : > I 'll have to look the Shiloh books up . They sound familiar , but I can 't place it . Now there you go , PJ . You answered my question . I KNEW SEP had a dog in one of her books I 'd read but I couldnt 't remember which book . I didn 't feel like prowling through her booklist on Amazon hoping to remember . Ain 't she Sweet . Yep . That 's it . Hey Jo ! I had to LOL about Aurora howling . It probably DOES mean she likes you , and wants you to howl right back with her . Ha ! I really like cats too - I 'm a Both Cats and Dogs type . My hubby and I both had cats and dogs before the kids . When the last cat passed on , we didn 't get another because we had the boys . : > I 'm bettign there 'll be a cat in the house again before too many years pass . I enjoy them too much for there not to be . My childhood dog was a terrier - chihuahua mix who was Queen of the neighborhood and a first rate watchdog . She really ruled the canine roost too . If any of the neighborhood dogs displeased her she let them know about it . Most of them outweighed her by more than 80 pounds ( a Lab , German Shepherd , Collie and St . Bernard ) but it wasn 't at all unusual to see them running for home , tail tucked under , with my little upstart nipping at their heels . : ) She lived for 16 years . It took me nine years to convince my late dh that we needed a dog . He had never had a pet and was slow to come around to the idea . Actually , I think the only reason he finally agreed was to shut me up . lol ! When he finally agreed , with the proviso that it would be my dog and I would be responsible for all care , I started scanning pet ads in the paper and on New Year 's Day 1985 went to check out a litter of pups that were being offered for free . They were a Yellow Lab / Travelin ' Man mix and absolutely adorable . It was a huge litter and they climbed all over me as I sat on the floor of the family 's home . All but one pup who watched closely but refused to come out from under the couch . I couldn 't make up my mind so the owner took the pups into the kitchen to feed them while I thought it over . That 's when the lone dissenter finally came out from under the couch , walked straight into my lap , put his paws on my shoulder and licked my ear . I 'm sure you can guess which one went home with me . : ) Bandit grew to be 95 pounds of solid muscle with a soft , gooey center . He was goofy , loving , always up for a good time and bonded to my dh tighter than super glue . He enriched our lives for 14 years and when the time came for him to cross the Rainbow Bridge , nobody cried harder than the dh . Jeanne - No surprise that I 'm a huge advocate of spaying and neutering pets ! As to the big dog / little dog debate , I 'm a big dog person . My dog was a Lab / Shepherd mix with some Chow , too ( black dots on her tongue , apparently a Chow trait ) . I 'd love another dog , but not while I 'm traveling so much . When I do , though , it will probably be a mutt with Lab and Shepherd mixed in again . By the way , we finally got a dog because my son wanted one so badly . He 'd pick up brochures about the dogs at the vet whenever we took the cats in . I woke up one morning with leaflets about basset hounds covering my face - - not too subtle ! So Maggie was supposed to be my son 's dog , but she ended up being mine . No one would ride in my car because it was so full of dog fur ( the seats acted like velcro ) and dog slobber . Awwww , PJ , now I 'm all verklempt . Those are the special ones , arent 't they ? Had to LOL about solid muscle w / a gooey center . Snork . Yep . Big dog , big heart . Jeanne wrote : One is on the twin bed in the office here with me as I write - that 's the Dal . The other is on the bed with my DH . Both are snoring . Herself thinks she needs to be on the bed . She claims the spot of whichever one of us isn 't watching TV there and then won 't budge except for MilkBones . And if you don 't get back to claim your spot while she 's chewing , the whole thing starts again ! * g * Becke , that black tongue on the Chow is a breed trait and quite an odd sight ! Sounds like your dog was a winner . Chows can be very sweet , and they can also be biters . For years we had a hard time getting judges for Chows , so many had been bitten trying to check teeth . When judges started making the handlers show teeth , there were a lot of , " May I be excused from teh ring sir ? " situations . The handlers didn 't want to be anywhere near those teeth either ! Ha ! I love lab / shepherd crosses too . Something about that genetic mix makes a might fine dog . Fedora , I loved Henry and Ribsy ! Of course , I loved most Beverly Cleary . Ramona was a favorite of the boy 's until he became more gender conscious . I think she did the kinds of things he admired but knew he 'd be in deep trouble if he tried . Awww , Maggie the basset hound . : > Good one . I had an acquaintance who showed Bassetts . He had five . They slept around the bed . According to him , once he got in at night , he couldnt ' get out for fear of stepping on a dog , or part of a dog . They would just ring the bed . Ha ! Nancy said : And if you don 't get back to claim your spot while she 's chewing , the whole thing starts again ! * g * Hahaha ! My old girl was this way . When I was single , she was a pillow princess . When my DH came along , she hated to give up that spot ( so to speak ) . If she got there first , she would stubbornly refuse to budge unless food was involved . Jane , I wish I weren 't allergic to cats , but I can 't have one near my face . They 're such pretty creatures . Many of our friends are cat people . Our first golden used to lie on the bed with us . When we watched the old Thin Man movies and Asta barked , she would pick up her head and stare at the TV . We swore she was watching Asta . But I 'm not sure dogs can see TV . Anyone know ? A basset hound is what my son wanted . What he got was what we all picked from the shelter : Maggie . I think he still wants a basset hound . ( Should that be bassett ? ) Christine , I remember the " Baluchistan hound . " Wasn 't he what brought Fredericka and Alverstoke together ? Was he actually a mutt ? Anna C . , is Wolfram the dog in Untouched ? I did love that dog , y ' know . Hey there Banditas ! ! ! ! I 'm definitely a dog person . Even though we have no pets , I grew up with dogs . My childhood was littered with all kinds of dogs and I have some wonderful memories of them . I absolutely love when dogs appear in books . My favorite so far are the two dogs in Jacquie D 's latest release SEDUCED AT MIDNIGHT . Caesar and Princess Buttercup added flavor to the book . Helen , we had a Tootsie when I was growing up - - a fox terrier / chihuahua mix who had , miraculously , missed the excitable tendencies . She was brown and white , which is how she got her name . Sometimes I 'd wake up and find her curled on the foot of my bed . Unlike a full - sized golden , she could lie there and still leave plenty of room for me . : - ) PJ , when we had two dogs , we always knew one of them going out meant the other one would want to . It seemed to be some sort of pack " thing . " And sometimes they staggered it , taking turns being first . This was not pleasant at 4 a . m . Phyllis Reynolds Naylor , who wrote Shiloh and its sequels , came here for the library festival one year . When she autographed those books , she had a stamp made from the paw of Shiloh , who 's now long gone , that she inked and pressed below her signature . It was way cool . The dh teaches Shiloh sometimes in his children 's lit class . The next dog to come into our lives was Smokey ( the one in my avatar ) . The dh had a severe stroke five months after we moved to South Carolina . Bandit was 11 at the time and dh was afraid they would both die and leave me alone so he convinced me we should go to the county shelter and adopt a puppy . Yep , this was the same man it had taken me nine years to convince to get Bandit . There were oodles of adorable puppies at the shelter but I fell in love with a little chocolate lab , about 10 wks old , with bald patches all over her body . She had been found by a highway , half - starved and full of ticks , had already been at the shelter three weeks and was two days away from being euthanized . She joined our family that day . Smokey is the smartest and most intuitive dog I 've ever owned . I 've lost track of the number of people over the years who have commented on the fact that she 's scary smart and actually seems to understand what you 're saying . I 'm not talking about specific commands but actual conversation . It 's spooky . I 'll give you an example . The other night I was on the couch reading a book when she came to me and gave me the sound / look that means she wants something . I said , " Do you have to go out ? " No response . " Are you hungry ? " Still staring at me . " Do you want the ball ? " Still no response . " Do you want your toy ? " Ahhh , now I get a response but the toy is in the kitchen ( I saw it earlier ) and she 's perfectly able to go get it herself so I said , " It 's in the kitchen . Go get it . " She turned around , ran into the kitchen , came back with her toy in her mouth and happily curled up on her bed with the stuffed toy under her head . This has happened numerous times over the years and it doesn 't matter what room the item is in ( kitchen , dining room , bedroom , etc . ) . She always understands and goes straight to the room I name . Hey Banditas ! Nothing like a mention of a dog to lure me out of lurkdom . I 'm a tremendous dog person . Should say Tremendous Dog Person . Ha ha . Had them all my life , couldn 't bear not to have one , and am currently owned and loved by the world 's sweetest Jack Russell . I 'd have a whole house filled with Jacks if only I could . As is , I make sure my wee darling has the best ever life and do what I can for rescue organizations . I once actively rescued strays from foreign lands - too long a story for here - but now constant work demands mean I am desk - bound mostly . The same reason I 've been so silent of late . Sigh , groan . . . But I have heard great things about Tails of Love and can 't wait to read Donna 's story ! I just know it will be sooo good ! I 'm hoping that anthology does very , very well . It 's such a great cause . Anyway , the above - mentioned Jack is sound asleep , snoring behind me on my chair , so I 'd best get some work done before he decides it 's walk time . Obviously , he is king around here . So I work when the little guy lets me , which is now . Great blog , Jeanne . Smokey has also trained the two dogs who have joined the family since we got her . She teaches them the house rules and yard boundaries . She watched over the dh when he became bedridden and stayed with him in his last hours , crawling into bed and placing her paw over his hand to give comfort even though he was unconscious . Now she watches over me . She 's almost 13 and has severe arthritis but still brings in the paper and mail every day just as she has since the first week she came to live with us . Jeanne , love the post . And as you know I have Rocky - the - wonder - dog laying right beside my chair as I read your post . He 's very happy this morning , DH took him for his morning walk and the report was he got to chase after two rabbits and three squirrels . His work today is done and our home is safe from small furry animals ! He doesn 't get doggy sweaters , ( the guy weighs 80 # 's ! ) , but he does get to go swimming from mid May til about early October . Had to train him not to get in the pool with his collar on , or he 'd stay wet all the time ! ! Guess that makes me a dog person . My daughter and SIL watch the dog show every year . Alas , I have to work so I 'll probably miss it tonight . Also , love the wedding pic ! ! Fedora , congrats on grabbing that rooster . WTG ! I like both cats and dogs but we don 't own any . My son is alergic to cats . We haven 't had a dog since I have gotten married but I had dogs when I was growing up . My husband wants a dog but I know I would be the one to have to take care of it and I live in town so it would have to stay in the house . I don 't want to have one in the house . Childhood book would have to be The Pokey Little Puppy . Romance books would have to be The Accidental Demon Slayer . It was a great read . Although my name is catslady , I love both - in fact I probably love all animals . As far as cats and dogs - it 's like apples and oranges . You can like them both but you just can 't compare them . I had a cat as a child and then then after we married we had a dog for 12 years ( our baby ) , then we got another dog and I had my first child a year later , then a second child and then my first cat . I currenlty have 6 cats . I guess I 've had all combinations except having kids only lol . Our Aussie Skye is an old lady now , but when she was younger we were on the road nearly every weekend so that she could compete in Frisbee . She still love to play ; she just misses more catches and can 't jump quite as high as she once could . We keep looking at Aussie puppies . I don 't think there is a smarter , sweeter , more loyal breed . But I think our next dog needs to be one that doesn 't need quite as much training and exercise as Aussies do and preferably doesn 't shed as much . Skye 's not the only one who 's slowing down . : ) As for the fictional dogs , Heyer has not only Lufra , but also Ulysses , the mutt that Arabella rescues from his tormentors . Other memorable dogs in romance include all Jenny Crusie 's dogs ( Fred in Anyone But You particularly ) , Pugsley in Teresa Medeiros 's A Whisper of Roses , Zeke in Jayne Ann Krentz 's Family Man , and Newton in Julia Quinn 's The Viscount Who Loved Me . I also love Romeo , the match - making dog in Teresa Hill 's Someone to watch Over Me . All of Enid Blyton 's children 's books feature dogs , don 't they ? And who can forget Nana , the Newfoundland in Peter Pan or Nero , the St . Bernard in Laura Ingalls Wilder 's The First Four Years ? Does anybody else remember Lad a Dog , a wonderfully courageous , adventurous collie who predated Lassie . My mother read it to us when we were children , and we loved it , although I remember weeping buckets at the end . I 'm so not a dog person ! I 'll take a couple of cats over a dog any day . I love their curiosity and independence . I say that , but honestly , most of the cats I 've owned are " dog " cats . I 'm greeted at my door when I come home . My cat is usually sleeping on my office window sill during the day while I 'm in there . She really likes to be in the same room as everyone else . As far as dog books , I don 't remember any specifically except the Clifford books I read to my sons . Definitely a cat person . It 's not that I don 't like dogs - we have some very good friends with dogs - I just adore cats . As most people know , the cats we adopt are black or tuxedo as they 're the ones most likely to be abused or abandoned and rarely get adopted . Pics on my website ! There are so many books with dogs and cats in them . There is an Intirgue or SIM series that had a crazy Chihuahua in it - can 't remember the titles or authors , but it was very entertaining . Best series with a cat is definitely Carole Nelson Douglas ' Midnight Louie series ( starting with Catnap and Pussyfoot ) . Aside from being a really nice lady and having a very cool pair of shoes - the books are awesome . And Louie is a fantastic character . They 're mysteries . My favourite cat book from childhood was Gobbolino the Witch 's Cat by Ursula Moray Williams . Jeanne , great post . LOVE the wedding pic with your damnations . . . . er . . . ahem . . . dalmations . * grin * K9 SAR people tend to make up wonky names for dogs - - Malinois are melonheads , for instance , cuz we joke that they 're hard - headed and their brains are full of mush . Not true of course - - they 're very bright , but they 're also rather stubborn and tenacious . My favorite dogs are GSDs and rotties . I 'm sure I 've told the story here in the lair . . . at one point we had 13 dogs . We had a show quality male and female rottie and while I was figuring out ( duh , Cassondra ) that the female had irregular heats , we ended up with two litters in the span of four years . We made people sign freakin ' contracts before they could buy one of our pups . " You will not encourage aggression . You WILL obedience train the dog , formally if necessary , to ensure the dog is a good citizen . . . " blah blah blah . Yeah , we were anal about our babies . When the big male , Bismark , contracted parvo and died in three days ( he had been vaccinated but sometimes it happens anyway ) , we mourned . Oh , LORD did we ever mourn . Even now , twelve years later , at night when a train passes in the distance and the dogs in the kennel start to howl , I usually wake up , and I 'll cry a little . There 's no bass in our choir . Only dog people will get that . That said , I 'm sitting here typing with a cat on my lap . I think it 's like Louisa said , you can 't really compare them . Both cats and dogs can be wonderful companions , and if you 're sensitive to a cat 's whims , you come to recognize that they have the same range of emotions and caring as dogs . That said , I think cats are better for people who don 't have as much time , because they can be a little more independent and don 't have as many hour - to - hour needs . Dogs and cats - - they 're just - - - different . Hmmm . . . this was gonna be a brief comment . Yeah . . . right . I think I 'm both . I need my dogs and I need my cats . Didn 't any of y ' all read Lassie ? I loved Lassie . I think Where The Red Fern Grows should be banned . ; 0 ) Saddest . Movie . Evah . Scarred me for life . IFebruary 9 , 2009 at 1 : 18 PM Hey , I 'm loving the dog stories ! I forgot to mention one of my favorite kids ' books about dogs . Do any of you know Harry the Very Dirty Dog ? I think that 's what it 's called . Anyway , my nieces and nephews loved that - especially the bit when Harry was no longer a white dog with black spots but a BLACK DOG WITH WHITE SPOTS ! For some reason , we always shouted that bit and the kids would crack up . Nancy , Wolfram is indeed the dog in Untouched . He got more fanmail than the hero ; - ) Ah , the Baluchistan hound ! How could I forget . And M , I loved the dog in Anyone but You . Actually JC does fantastic dogs . PJ , we had a collie like Lassie who I swear spoke English . My CP laughs because whenever the ideal male we 've known in real life comes up as a conversation - my DOG gets a mention . But seriously , he was smart , he had beautiful manners , he would have died for me . And he was a VERY handsome dog . An absolute hero even if he had four legs ! ; - ) I love dogs and have written them into my WIPs . Definitely , Wolfram from AC 's UNTOUCHED is one of my faves . Another one is Newton from JQ 's THE VISCOUNT WHO LOVED ME . I laughed so hard when Newton shook off his wetness on Anthony . Helen they DO sense it don 't they ? That 's one thing about dogs . When you 're sad , they 'll do ANYTHING to cheer you up . It 's like their greatest wish is to make you feel better when you 're down . Elyssa said : I love dogs and have written them into my WIPs . How cool , Elyssa ! You know , I never noticed it about my own work , but one of my critique partners told me one day , " do you know that at every turning point in your books , an animal shows up ? " No , I didn 't know . I just stood there and stared at her . Funny what happens when you 're writing and you don 't even know it . . . . Treethyme , our golden who died of cancer was a Maggie also . I used to want a basset hound . When I lived alone , I figured that deep , bugling bark would be a good deterrent , but I figured I couldn 't really keep a dog in my apartment , especially when I was working unpredictable hours . Aside from Tootsie , the fox terrier / chihuahua mix , we had English bulldogs when I was growing up . The dh had goldens . When we were looking for a dog , I 'd just quit work , and we had no money for a purebred . We considered the shelter but feared we would not be able to come home with a dog and didn 't have room for several . Which is how we ended up adopting out of the paper , a " free to good home " older golden . Susan , our lab sheds more than the two goldens together did . We 're amazed she isn 't bald . If low shedding is your priority , you do not want a lab . And lab hair is , for whatever reason , much harder to brush off of clothing than golden retriever hair . Donna , our first golden lived to be 16 , which is very old for a big dog . We 're convinced she hung on as long as she did because she loved the boy so much . When he was sick , he liked to curl up against her side and go to sleep , and she never once tried to move away from him . Anna C . , I 'd forgotten Harry and the Very Dirty Dog . The boy loved that book , a gift from a family friend named Harry . * g * Cassondra wrote : There are films I won 't watch now and books I won 't read because I 've had advanced warning that the dog dies at the end . Nope . Nada . Not goin ' there . Not . Me neither , Cassondra . Nuh - uh , no way , no how . My dear , dear Aussie friends : Many hugs to you all . Hope you and your dear ones are safe ! ! ! My favorite dog book from my childhood was the picture book of dogs my parents bought for me when I was able to get around using the walker . Every morning , they 'd put me in there while they tried to snooze and I 'd zoom off to this room had my books . One by one the books would go splat on the floor , till I reached the dog book . A huge squeal of laughter would follow , then chuckles and babbling . My parents had ten more minutes of peace . Helen , your Tootsie sounds great ! I envy you a computer - compatible dog . Our golden guy , Hudson , would come in here , bump his big head up under my wrist , and transfer my hand from the house to his head . The lab does the same thing - - looking extremely self - righteous , I might add ! The lab also tends to take her half in the middle of the bed , which is why we 're so eager to buy her off . Keira , I love the story about the books ! When the boy was little , he 'd climb into one of our laps with his book of choice , lift one thumb , and jam the book between the thumb and the forefinger . He couldn 't talk , but he communicated quite well on that point . He liked to zoom around in his little wheelie seat , too . And yank books off shelves . Ever wonder what the appeal of that is ? Okay , spotted a typo ! : - ( Helen , the dog transferred my hand from the MOUSE to his head . Duh ! Sorry I didn 't catch that earlier . I 'm a dog person . Mine are very much a part of our family and although we try to set the rules , they pretty much tell us what to do . : ) Favorite book with a dog in it ? The Accidental Demon Slayer . I love Priate . And thank you for my book Donna . I received it on Saturday and it 's now at the top of my TBR pile . Okay , I feel sill asking , but I have to . The first person who comments gets the bird ? Is there a pic of the bird ? Hi Everyone ! Sorry to be in absentia ! If I would have known I 'd be gone THIS long , I 'd have posted to say , hey , I 'm gonna be away . . . My DH had to have a minor outpatient procedure today . Supposedly . Yeah , you guessed it . We got to the hospital . Did the paperwork . And sat . And sat . Surgeon came in 4 times to say , " Oh it won 't be long now . " Last time I saw the surgeon there was steam coming out of his ears and he was shooting lances of fire out his nose . I think someone 's gonna get an anatomical rearrangement , you know ? They booked someone else into his O . R . on top of his schedule and before he could get my DH in there . . . no room . I 'm p . o . 'd because my DH and I both missed a day of work , paid for parking and babysitting , and we 'll have to do it all over again before the week 's out ! Yikes ! Anyway , enough kvetching from me . . . off to read all the fun posts ! Hi Buffie ! I 'm making a note of Jackie D 's Seduced At Midnight . Dogs with names like that would make it worth reading right there ! Nancy , that pack thing , of going out in pairs to pee , makes me insane . Esp . at 4 a . m . Ha ! However , with the old dog I know I better take him when he whines . The consequences aren 't pretty . : > I 'm really going to have to check the Shiloh books out . Esp . if your DH teaches them in children 's Lit . Wow , PJ . That 's cool about Smokey . Have to say the Dally boy , Rem , isn 't that smart . Think Jethro from Beverly Hillbillies , all heart and strength and loyalty , even knows his guzintas , but not much on thinkin ' Diver , the IWS , is a whooooolllee different breed in the smarts dept . I can do that " its in the . . . " thing and the longer he 's with us , the more he gets it . Scary smart . Hi Crianlarich ! Great to see you here today . Always wonderful to have another Tremendous Dog Person around . Hahaha . Jack Russells are such fun and funny dogs . They 're very . . . busy . : > Glad yours is there to keep you company as you create . Ugh on the deadlines , but hey , the results are great for us readers ! Oh , PJ , I just read your second post about Smokey and her devotion to your DH . How fabulous . And how smart of her to be the teacher for the " new guys " that come to live with you . Hi Suz ! What breed is Rocky - the - wonder - dog ? I know you 've told me , but you know , the brain thing . . . where did it go now ? ? * Looking around * Must have left it at the hospital ! Oh Jeanne , so sorry to hear about the delay in hubby 's surgery . As to Rocky - the - wonder - dog 's breed . Well , he 's a mut . Mostly boxer from his dad . Has the long lean body , the short brown hair with the white patch in front . And then there 's black lab from his mama . Long face , floppy ears , long tail , loves the water . Hi M ! Great to see you ! I have to say the movie Best in Show was hysterical . It 's not entirely accurate , more of a characiture , but SO funny . Hi Catslady ! I 've not had " kids only " either ! Ha ! Then again , I 've never had 6 cats either . I have had 8 Dals at one time , along with the Siameses , but that ( thankfully ! ) wasn 't for long . That was three adults and five Dal pups along with the cats . Whew ! Hi Janga ! Aussies are fab dogs , aren 't they ? : > I have a friend who has two and they work each other out , but they are busy , busy , busy . : > I loved all the Lad books too , Janga . Albert Payson Terhune - Lad , Lady , and a bunch of pup - books as well . Just fab . PJ ? What 's the story on the life - saving - hero - dog ? ? ? Christie , both my Siameses were like that - Cat - dogs . Not aloof at all . They followed me from room to room , hung out in my lap or on my computer monitor ( back in the days when I had a desktop and it was warm there . . . ) Vicki , our rooster is a man of many guises . Most recently : http : / / i206 . photobucket . com / albums / bb65 / KeiraSoleore / GuestBlogging / alandale - roosterwithguitar . gifHe spends the day with the first poster and is hotly fought over . I 've never quite worked out why - he 's a bundle of trouble when he does visit . He flirts with all the neighbourhood chicks and steals chocolate . Oh , and I think he 's got an alcohol problem ! Anna , I have so enjoyed the pictures of your tuxedo cats . I had a black cat growing up . I adored that cat ! You said : My favourite cat book from childhood was Gobbolino the Witch 's Cat by Ursula Moray Williams . I KNOW I have read that one . I 'm going to have to go see if I can get it on Amazon . Grins . I loooove dogs . ( I love cats too , btw * g * ) I have 2 dogs , my baby being a 2 yo rottie who is the sweetest dollbaby in the world . I have 4 cats , too . Methinks I 'm a little bit over the top in the pet department . My dogs holiday stockings have their names on them , they travel with us everywhere ( the dogs , not the stockings ) and my parents call them their grand - dogs * g * Hmm , fave dog story . Get Bunny Love by Kathleen Long - that dog is hilarious . OMG I died laughing . Cassondra said : There are films I won 't watch now and books I won 't read because I 've had advanced warning that the dog dies at the end . Nope . Nada . Not goin ' there . Not . Yep . Same here . Red Fern , Old Yeller . Dances with Wolves . Heart stompers . * shudder * Rotties are SUCH teddy bears , aren 't they , Cassondra ? Love them . Show people have those same kinds of names for dog breeds too . Damnations , of course . Bernese Mtn Dogs are Berners , as you probably saw me shorten it earlier . Corgoids . English Pointers are pointers , but German Shorthaird pointers are Shorthairs . You get the picture . There are a few unflattering ones . . . Chows get called Chomps , that sort of thing . Hi Elyssa ! I have dogs or cats in virtually every mss I 've ever written . Even if its just peripheral , there 's a pet in there somewhere . Helen said : Over the years I have often shared my bed with a dog or two and sometimes the smaller they are the more room they take up LOL . That is so funny Helen ! My friend had a wee Maltese . Less than 8 lbs . She could spread out and nearly kick you out of the bed . It was the funniest thing . Nancy , I was wondering about that House / Mouse thing . Ha ! My Dal does that all the time . He 'll put his head on my leg and sigh . If that doesn 't work , he 'll start bobbing his head up and down . Oh , and Nancy , be glad you didn 't leave that " Deep bugling bark " in your apartment alone . Good Lord those dogs can moan and that baying bark can be heard for miles . . . which is the point in the field , of course , but in an apartment . . kiss of death . As to picking up a dog at the pound there would be no such thing . It would be DOGS . Plural . I can 't go there . If I sent the boys , it would be just as bad or worse . We 'd have 6 or 7 dogs , I know it . And a cat or two to boot . Ha ! Six months after Bandit died we went to the shelter and adopted a black lab puppy . She was high energy , loved everyone she met and lived every day to the fullest . She and Smokey became best friends and were inseparable . Two months after my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer and given 4 - 6 months to live ( this was 3 years after my dh died ) , I took the dogs in for their annual check - up and the Vet found signs of Lymphoma . The biopsy was positive . I couldn 't bear to lose her at the same time I was losing my dad so we started chemo . She breezed through treatment and stayed in remission for 7 months before it came back . We tried chemo again but less than 5 weeks into it the cancer broke through and she was gone in less than a week . She was only 6 years old . It was devastating . Smokey and I were complete wrecks and I couldn 't imagine getting another dog , especially while Smokey was still alive and while my heart was still broken from our loss . to be continued . . . Well , Suz , I guess I haven 't totally lost my ever - lovin ' mind . I was SURE Rocky the Wonder Dog was a boxer mix and I was right . Ha ! So there , doubtful brain cells ! Hi Tawny ! Hey , how 'd the dogs do in the snow over the holidays ? Did they go with you on that trip ? Vicki , I see that Anna answered your question about the bird . He 's a wily one . Quite the man - about - town . Heehee . If you go back in the archives , I think there are some pictures of him maurading at the 2008 RWA National . Awww , man , PJ , that stinks ! It 's hard to lose them anytime , but esp . hard when they 're young and otherwise healthy . Like Cassondra 's Rottie going with Parvo , it 's just a huge hole in your heart and your house . Like I said , it 's taken me three years to get a new dog after losing Talia . The " old girl " was my constant companion through so many losses and travails . She kept me sane through the loss of my Mama to cancer and my marriage to infidelity and my finances to the cheating spouse . Helen , as you said , she was the one to give the cuddles when I had none to give . It 's a killer . It 's also why the Diver - dog 's a boy , not a girl . I thought I 'd get a female - after all , I 'm totally outnumbered here . Five to one , male to female . As the lone Queen Bee , I was thinking a little estrogen in the house ( besides mine ) might be good . Couldn 't do it . Three years and I couldn 't do it . So , a male it was . Diver 's easing me back into a two - dog - routine . Thanks too , to everyone about the wedding pic . I love that pic . YOu can see " the old girl " Talia in that picture . She was around 8 when that pic was taken , and the black and white dog is Remy , who 's now 12 . Tali was liver and white spotted , which is a mahogany colored spot as opposed to the black . More than a year later , my family of the heart made the decision to move from our neighborhood to Charlotte for a new job . I went with them one weekend to look for an apartment for the dad to lease while mom and kids stayed here until the end of school . It was a cold , windy day and we 'd been out looking for hours . The kids were tired and cranky and started picking at each other when we stopped at a leasing office in an outdoor shopping area . Even though it was freezing out I told them to bundle up , that we were going for a walk while their parents looked at apartments . As we walked along the shopping area we noticed a lot of people in the grassy central area and I suggested we go investigate . A rescue group was holding an adoption fair and had huge fenced in areas set up that you could walk into and play with the dogs . The girls immediately latched onto a little puppy who was shivering in the corner of one of the areas and by the time their parents found us they had her under their coats and looked like they weren 't going to let go . Their mom kept explaining that they already had two dogs and weren 't getting another . I certainly wasn 't going home with a new puppy ! By this time , the older daughter ( who was 11 at the time ) had tears streaming down her face because she was sure nobody was going to adopt the puppy and she 'd get sick from the cold and die . ( She 's a bit of a drama queen ) lol ! More to distract her than anything else , I told her to let me hold the puppy . Well , that little pup snuggled her nose into my neck and let out a sigh like she 's just found home . I still resisted . About 10 minutes later with two sets of human puppy dog eyes and one set of canine eyes beseeching me , I held her in front of me and asked if she wanted to go home with me . She stuck out her tongue , licked me from chin to forehead and made the 2 1 / 2 hour trip home with us that day . All the way home I rehearsed how I was ever going to explain this to Smokey . Turns out I didn 't need to worry . Smokey welcomed her right in like she 'd been waiFebruary 9 , 2009 at 6 : 46 PM PJ said : Smokey welcomed her right in like she 'd been waiting for her . . . . still not over . Aren 't you sorry you asked , Jeanne ? Nope . Not sorry at all . : > All I have to say is Goooooooo Smokey ! Grins . Hey , when it 's right . . . I was working three days a week at a friend 's small office supply and gift shop . So small that I was the only employee there on the days I worked . Cassy wasn 't old enough to be left alone all day so I took her to the store with me . The customers loved her , the granddaughter of a local businessman especially . Every Monday and Wednesday she 'd go to her grandpa 's store after school and one of his employees would bring her over to the store where I worked so she could play with Cassy . About a month after Cassy adopted me , I was in the store on a Wednesday afternoon when they came in to play with her . It was a slow day and nobody had been in the store for a couple hours . While I was talking to them I suddenly got very severe abdominal cramps and excused myself to go to the bathroom . When I regained consciousness I was being held upright by the adult and the young girl was on the phone with the 911 dispatcher . Then I passed out again . By the time the ambulance got me to the hospital my BP was 74 / 47 and both my BP and body temp were dropping rapidly . The ER doc later told me that I was going down for the count and if those customers hadn 't been in the store to call 911 I most likely would not have survived . And those customers would not have been there if I had not come home from Charlotte with a sweet little puppy that I had had absolutely no intention of adopting . ( ( ( PJ ) ) ) I remember this when it happened to you . I have goosebumps all over my body as I relive all that happened to you that day . Providence and Cassy that was the magic manna . And I 'll be grateful to Cassy forever for being the reason you 're here . Hey , Jeanne ! What a fun post . I 'm a dog person but since there are three of us in my family who are allergic to both cat and dog dander , we 're currently pet - less . I loved the dog in Nora Roberts ' last trilogy , Blood Brothers * g * My favorite dog as a kid was Snoopy ! He 's still my favorite ; - ) Nancy asked , " He liked to zoom around in his little wheelie seat , too . And yank books off shelves . Ever wonder what the appeal of that is ? " I have never quite figured it out . Even now , that my daughter 's much older , choosing a book doesn 't mean running a finger down her bookshelf . It 's always a mess on the floor for a choice to be made . What happened to spine design ? Ain 't that as cool as the front cover ? ? ? Wowweee , PJ ! Amazing . Yeah , Casey ! Whew ! Gotta take a mo ' here . . . where would we be w / o PJ ! ? ! Thanks Casey ! ( And thanks too to the wonderful customers with opposable thumbs who dialed 911 ! ) Grins . Hi Beth ! Another Dog Person , Yeah ! Oddly enough my DH used to be allergic to dogs , but my Dals never bothered him . The IWS hasn 't either , so either love overcomes allergies , or they 're not so dander - y . :> Keira said : What happened to spine design ? Ain 't that as cool as the front cover ? ? ? Evidently not . Both my sons love books and they end up in heaps and stacks on the floor , never by ones and twos or just one out of the bookcase . Ohhhhh no . Dozens . I should be grateful and I am , but . . . Oy with the reshelving ! Meow . . . . Yes . I confess . I 'll take a feline any day . Now that said , all my friends have various canines who instantly get attached to me . . . wheather I 'm ready for them or not ! My friend Tonyia has one of those larger terriors . . . can 't remember but like Eddie only on major steorids . Anyway , Buckarudi loves to climb in my lap except if he stood on his hind legs he 'd be as tall as me ! Then her other friend has a 13 oz . Yorkie who can skitter up and put her paws on my chest while I 've got my head turned and I never feel it . As to books with dogs ? Second Moe in the Key trilogy . But Kristan Higgins always has dogs featured in her books and her latest " Too Good to Be True " has a hilarious Westie named Angus . { Is that drool on my jeans ? ? ? } Grins , JT . I 'll bet Buckarudi is an Airedale . : > I 'd 've pegged you as a cat gal . Cuddly , warm , purring , loyal , but independent . Yep . Wow , Duchesse ! This WAS a great topic . The Duchess of Hotdayum is doing tolerably , thank you for asking . PJ , your Cassy is proof that God sends angels in the guise of dogs to watch over us . What other creature loves us the way God does - unconditionally , without judgments or reservations , devotedly - even when we don 't deserve it . I have a cross - stitch hanging in my kitchen that says : May I always strive to be the person my dog thinks I am . Tawny , I LOVED Get Bunny Love ! The dog steals the entire book . What fun ! I have a half bassett / half beagle ( I call him a ' bagle ' ) that a vet tech friend of mine brought back from New Orleans after Katrina . He was found in a house in the 9th ward along with the body of his elderly owner . He 'd been there for weeks and was a skeleton when they pulled him out . The funny thing is he could have left , but he stayed right there with his owner . He really was pitiful when I got him , but he weighs 60 plus pounds now ! And he 's on a diet . After the first year I took him in for a checkup . We found a rash on his tummy and I was afraid it was something from the nasty water after Katrina . My vet cracked up . She said " Honey , that 's road rash . This dog 's tummy is dragging the ground . He needs a diet ! " I 'm afraid I overfed him a bit when he first joined the family . But I do love to hear him bay . It is such a lonesome , musical sound . Awww , Louisa , I love you bagle dog . : > I think you 're right on the baluchistan hound , Christine . I seem to remember it as a running gag . I remember that story when you first told it , PJ . Chills still happen every time I read it . But , does anyone else think PJ 's dog stories would make for a great book a la Marley & Me ? I certainly do ! Jeanne , I 'm a dog person all the way . . . Don 't get me wrong , I love all animals . . . but my dog is my honey . He 's a sweet yet spoiled ( hubby 's guilty of that - NOT ME ) yorkie - poo . His name is Zeus and he 's the king of this castle . . . He can 't eat any fat , so this has been order by the Vet - baked chicken for his meals . . . I do this twice a week and I make him fresh doggy cookies with his favorite red peppers , Broccoli and apples . Zeus gets a real bone every night . . . yap , he 's spoiled but I love him . Dogs give a special kind of love . . . it 's honest and true . . . . and they always show their love for you when they hug up on you throughout the day . You see it in their eyes when they watch you as you work and they wait for you to play . Or when they fall asleep in your lap . It 's the way they 're always there . . . for you . Hawk Donna MacMeans , Trish Milburn , and Nancy Northcott will all be in Atlanta for the Moonlight and Magnolias conference in Decatur , Georgia September 30 through October 2nd . If you 're in the area , stop by for the booksigning . We 'd love to see you . Redeeming the Rogue by Donna MacMeans received a 4 . 5 star TOP PICK ! review from Romantic Times Magazine . Living in Color by Trish Milburn is now available on Kindle , Smashwords and at barnesandnoble . com for the Nook . 2011 Golden Heart ® Finalists ! Nancy Northcott and Anna Sugden are finalists in Romance Writers of America ® 's prestigious Golden Heart ® Awards . Nominated for Best Suspense of 2010 ! Romantic Times Magazine has nominated Jeanne 's Deadly Little Secrets for their Best Suspense Award . This is Jeanne 's second RT nomination .
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I find myself really enjoying knitting the Backyard Leaves scarf from Scarf Style in Knitpicks Andean Silk . But I don 't want to wear it . I 'm a scarf klutz . When I wear a scarf it is always in the way , getting caught in doors , getting snagged on bushes , and refusing to stay in place . If the scarf has a right side - like this one - it is always wrong side up when I glance down . The fun is in the knitting . I need to give the finished scarf away , so I 'm having a contest . Your first chance to enter will be the April 1 post . Here are the details . If you don 't like details , skip to the last paragraph for a one sentence summary . Prize : The Backyard Leaves scarf in Knitpicks Andean Silk , color Lettuce . Yes , the very scarf I 'm knitting . How to enter : Leave a comment on a Backyard Leaves Scarf progress post . There will be five scarf progress posts ( this is not one of them ) and they will be clearly labeled . Be sure to include your email address . ( One reason I switched this blog to Haloscan comments . ) Comments entered more than a week after the posting date and time will not be eligible . The date and time stamp on the comment will be used to compare with the date and time stamp on the post to determine when a week has past . Choosing a Winner : One week after the final post showing the scarf completed and blocked , DH will pick a number and the winner will be announced on Stitches of Violet . ( We have a procedure in mind for doing this in order to make sure everyone gets an equal chance . It involves a random number generator . Does anyone really want to know ? ) DH is completely neutral and could care less about who wins . He will be just as fair as a national accounting firm . In fact , he has a degree in accounting . I will post the winner on Stitches of Violet and send the winner an email requesting their snail mail address . If the winner does not respond with their snail mail address in seven days ( using the date and time stamp method described above ) , a different winner will be chosen using the same method . Miscellaneous Rules and DisclaiPosted by My son John and daughter - in - law Anne are about to become parents for the first time . John writes : We 're hopefully in the home stretch . Yesterday , Monday , March 28 , 2005 , marked exactly one week until the due date . Here 's a picture of my beautiful wife , Anne , on that day , just before we went to our doctor appointment : Anne has been very lucky to have a very good pregnancy . Other than the illnesses of last month , she hasn 't had many problems . She 's been enjoying the pregnancy and enjoys interacting with the baby in every way she can . A week ago she told me she was ready . The pregnancy has progressed to the point where she is ready to have the baby and get the pregnancy over with . She 's always tired , swollen , and her fingers and toes sometimes tingle from the circulation problems that go along with the swelling and pregnancy in general . It 's nothing serious , just interesting to hear when less than two weeks ago she was happy and giggling while playing with the baby and telling me she 's in no hurry to end the pregnancy . Looks to Grandma like baby Sydney Anne is ready , too . It can 't be much longer now . Size : Women 's mediumYarn : 100g sock / fingering weight . Needles : 2 - 24 " circulars US 1 , 2 . 5mm . You can easily switch to double points or Magic Loop if desired . Gauge : 8 stitches / inch , 10 rows / inch in stockinette stitchThe socks in the picture are knit with Opal Handpainted # 14 . This pattern shows best with a solid or almost solid yarn or a variagated yarn with very short color repeats . The socks in the picture were knit for a very tall , thin man . They are knit on the same 64 stitches as the pattern that follows , but the heel flap was lenghtened to three inches and 22 stitches were picked up on each side of the gusset . Abbreviations : k = knitp = purlm1 = make a new stitch by lifting loop between stitches with left needle and knitting into back of loopslip = slip purlwise unless pattern specifies knitwisessk = slip knitwise , slip knitwise , knit two slipped stitches togetherk2tog = knit two stitches togetherp2tog - purl two stitches togetherJohn 's Basketweave Ribbing Stitch ( multiple of 8 stitches ) Round 1 : k3 , p , k3 , pRound 2 : k3 , p5Round 3 : k3 , p , k3 , pRound 4 : k3 , p5Round 5 : k3 , p , k3 , pRound 6 : k3 , p5Round 7 : k3 , p , k3 , pRound 8 : p4 , k3 , pRound 9 : k3 , p , k3 , pRound 10 : p4 , k3 , pRound 11 : k3 , p , k3 , pRound 12 : p4 , k3 , pCuff : Cast on 64 stitches . Split stitches between two circular needles , 32 stitches per needle . Join . Join is the beginning of a round and the left side of sock . Ribbing : k1 , p1 ribbing for two inches . Knit John 's Basketweave Ribbing Stitch until cuff measure desired length ( usually 7 - 8 inches ) , ending after Round 6 or Round 12 . With the heel side facing you , move the left purl stitch onto the instep needle . You now have 33 stitches on the instep needle and 31 stitches on the heel needle . Heel : Set up Row : ( slip 1 , knit 1 ) 8 times , slip 1 , m1 , ( slip 1 , Knit 1 ) 7 times . 32 stitches on needle . Turn . Row 1 : slip 1 , purl to end of row . Turn . Row 2 : ( slip 1 , knit 1 ) 16 times . Turn . Repeat Rows 1 and 2 17 times . ( 18 slip rows ) Turn Heel : Row 1 : slip 1 , p 17 , p2tog , p . Turn . Row 2 : slip 1 , k5 , ssk , k . Turn . Row 3 : slip 1 , p6 , p2tog , p . Turn . Row 4 : slip Posted by I 'm looking ahead to what I 'm going to knit in April and I 'm eagerly anticipating my April knitting projects . Next Friday , April 1 , is the day we get to see the new Six Sox Knitalong project . After skipping the February / March sock , I 'm hoping the April / May sock will strike my fancy . Daughter Heather has asked for red socks for her May birthday and I need to get them started soon . It would be so perfect to have the knitalong socks be suitable for Heather 's birthday socks . I want the Lavold Sweater done in April . I 've been knitting on the front and the back a little everyday and hope to have them joined at the shoulders by the middle of next week . In order to meet that goal , I have forbidden myself to think about starting anything else . When I sit down to knit , I 'd rather pick up the Backyard Leaves scarf from Scarf Style I 'm knitting with Knitpicks Andean Silk . It 's a slow knit because the pattern is complex and I don 't have it memorized yet . But it 's a very pleasant knit . If I hadn 't forbidden myself to think about starting another project , I might be seriously thinking about knitting an entire sweater out of this nice yarn . The CIC _ Knit List is going to have another vest challenge in April . I 'm going to be the official vest challenge counter and cheerleader . My personal goal is two toddler vests in April . ( What is CIC ? ) April is also yard and garden clean - up month . Thanks to some high winds last fall , we have a layer of sticks to deal with along with the usual ton of oak leaves . I 'll try to work on it a little each day and not get too sore or whine too much . Thanks for all the kind comments . Today is better . Much better . Today started off with sunshine . Real sunshine . Sunshine with no clouds . Sunshine that warms the earth and the souls of people who haven 't seen much sunshine in the last five months . The sunshine brought the temperature up to 50 degrees ( 10 C ) by early afternoon . When I went to do errands and grocery shopping , there were people flinging their coats off every place I stopped . I joined them . Who needs a coat when it 's 50 degrees ? After I got home and settled in , Bob noticed something out in the east yard by the edge of the pond . At first we thought it was an otter , but it 's too small for an otter . I 'm thinking it 's a mink . And we spotted a second mink , so we have a pair . They went in and out of their hole , went swimming in the thawed edge of the pond , and looked like they were happily settling in to raise a family . Fortunately the mink hole isn 't in a place the dogs normally walk . I 'd like to think the little dogs have more sense than to tangle with a mink , but I don 't know that . I do know ( I think ) that the little dogs won 't go in the water after it . Glory will . Glory will tangle with it and Glory will go in the water after it . Anyone have any good advice for peaceful coexistence between dogs and a mink family ? Now that I think about it , I 'm not sure what mink eat besides fish . Guess I better do some research . I 'm not even sure I have them identified correctly . More later after I have some facts . Yesterday it was windy and cold - but it didn 't snow . Glory and I went for a mile walk at the nearby fish hatchery . On the shaded left side of the road not showing in the picture , there is still some snow . Little by little spring is winning the battle . We 're overdue for some spring weather , but the snowflakes are whirling around in the air today . Even though it 's a little above freezing , there is a cold wind and there isn 't much thawing going on . It 's perfect knitting weather , but I haven 't felt like knitting much this week . Before I started Stitches of Violet , a break in knitting hardly rated a second thought . Last night I sat down and read a paperback mystery cover to cover and had to assure myself it was an OK thing to do even if I wasn 't going to have any knitting content for today 's blog . I need to continuously remind myself that there is no reason this blog should be altering the way I choose to spend my days . Do other knitting bloggers struggle with this ? Knitting on the Lavold Silky Tweed sweater is feeling like an endurance contest instead of a pleasure . I do not like knitting with cotton yarn , especially lumpy cotton yarn that splits . It 's getting so I can 't pick it up without thinking dire thoughts about my yarn buying decision . I am determined to finish the sweater . I will finish the sweater . I hope it 's nicer to wear than it is to knit . On a brighter side , I 've started knitting the Backyard Leaves scarf from Scarf Style using Knitpick 's Andean Silk . Andean Silk is the complete opposite of Lavold Silky Tweed . It 's soft , smooth , fun to feel , easy to knit , and I 'm loving it . Pictures soon . Posted by It seems when I have socks on the needles , it 's the socks I pick up to knit . So , I 'm taking a sock break and knitting on my version of the Lavold Garnet Sweater . I 'm up to the first underarm bind off on the front ( in picture ) and the back ( not shown ) . This afternoon I sat down with a pencil and wrote out my instructions for the sleeve openings . Since the pattern has no schematic drawing , the first thing I did before starting to knit was to draw out the measurements that would be obtained if the pattern was followed as written . It was very enlightening . The band at the hip was 36 inches for a 40 inch finished bust measurement . That doesn 't work for my body , so I cast on more stitches and skipped the increases from hip to bust . The total length of the sleeve opening is 7 . 75 inches . I suppose there is some lucky young thing somewhere who needs a 40 inch bust measurement and has thin upper arms , but it 's not going to work for me . I need at least 8 . 5 inches to be comfortable . 9 is better . Here 's a close up of the lace panel that runs down the front . Once I get the front and back done and the shoulders sewn together , I 'll try the sweater on . If it looks like it 's going to fit nicely and I like what I see , I 'll make long sleeves and run the lace down the top of the sleeve . If I 'm not impressed and just want the sweater done as quickly as possible , it will get short sleeves like the pattern shows . My sister sent dog pictures from North Carolina today . My eye immediately flew to the background where I could see forsythia and daffodils in bloom . We have no color yet in Michigan except for the red of the cardinals and now the blue of the occasional Eastern bluebird . Each time we go for a walk in the back field I look for the flash of blue as the bluebirds hang out near the nest box they 've claimed . I took this picture mainly to show the lack of color in the landscape . If you look closely , you can see a speck of blue in the tree . I circled it to help you out . A person needs all the help they can get to locate color in mid - March Michigan . These short green shoots are February Gold daffodils , the earliest blooming daffodils we have . Usually they shoot up during each of the major pre - spring thaws and are in full bloom by the end of March . We haven 't had major pre - spring thaws this year . If the temperatures will stay above freezing for the rest of the month , the daffodils might make March bloom . They 're going to need to do some serious growing in the next thirteen days . This is the only plant in bloom on our five acres . Those two pink colored spots at the base of the stem are the flowers . This Hellebore is an amazing little plant that starts blooming even before the first major thaw and continues blooming on through the spring , long after it 's overshadowed by the more showy flowers . Actually , almost every other flower is more showy - but none are more indestructible . This little guy lives in the deep dry shade of a large oak tree in our front yard where hardly anything else will grow . My garden is full of plants that don 't need coddling , and this is one of the toughest . So we patiently wait for the snow to finish melting and hope we don 't get any more . Another month and everything will be green and this field will be hopping with baby rabbits . Glory is rested and ready for the chase . This morning the female bluebird was sitting in a nearby tree while the male stood guard on the top of the nest box . How wonderful to have them back and know they intend to use the nest box . Assuming this is the same pair that used the nest box last year , they fledged a total of nine hatchlings . I 'd love to have them do the same this year . No socks on the needles . I can 't remember the last time I went a week without having a pair of socks on the needles . Instead , I 've been knitting on the Lavold sweater . The front and the back are both almost up to the underarm . When I get there , I 'll post a picture . If life cooperates , it will be soon . Lately I 've been wasting time at Jig Zone , Jigsaw Puzzles Online . After trying a few unsatisfactory puzzle sites , I came to the conclusion that doing jig saw puzzles on line was not fun . Then , last December someone on a knitting list changed my mind by posting a Knitting related puzzle from the Jig Zone puzzle of the day and I got hooked . Pappy and I went for a walk at the nearby fish hatchery today . Most of the ponds and lakes in the area are still ice covered , but there is open water at the fish hatchery . It must be because they filter and recycle the water in the ponds thereby keeping it moving . Maybe they even heat it a little - but I really don 't know that . Anyway , this time of year the unfrozen water is a huge attraction for all types of water birds . When Pappy saw this path full of geese , he was in no hurry to go forward and neither was I . In some places where people feed the geese , they become very aggressive in their demand for food . I wasn 't sure if these geese wanted something from us or not . The only thing I had with me to feed them was Pappy . It appeared the geese at the fish hatchery are wild . They didn 't want to be anywhere near us , and they flew off while Pappy watched . Susan is having a contest to collect ideas for stitch patterns to use with self - patterning yarn . The catch : She doesn 't want to spend a lot of time knitting up a stitch pattern that is obliterated by the patterning of the yarn . This same question comes up at various times on knitting lists and I always read the answers with interest . The responses are few and the new ideas even fewer . I 'm assuming that Susan defines self - patterning yarn as yarn with obvious stripes . A variegated yarn with short color repeats such as Opal Handpainted , Opal Crocodile , or Opal Mosaic is not self - patterning by this definition . Neither do I consider variegated yarn with long color repeats that pool and spiral as self - patterning . Here are three basic techniques I use to knit self - patterning yarn socks : Wide RibbingI like to incorporate some kind of ribbing in all my socks so they will cling to the leg and foot instead of bagging . This Opal Lollipop cuff was knit with a k7 , p1 ribbing . The ribbing is almost invisible and makes a big different in the fit . Let the yarn do the work . These socks were admired and fought over with no fancy stitch pattern . In order to center the ribbing down the instep , it 's necessary to have an uneven number of instep stitches . For a 64 stitch sock , split the stitches 31 for the heel , 33 for the instep . If the heel design requires an even number of stitches , do a M1 in the middle of the first row of the heel . Abbreviated Stitch PatternKnitting wide ribbing gets boring , even when the color pattern is pretty . To make things more interesting , sometimes I work a stitch pattern in the wider stripes of a self - patterning yarn . Opal Magic has an almost solid 22 row stripe when knit on 64 stitches . I 've used it to play with a stitch pattern more than once and have two more skeins of Magic in my stash where I intend to do the same thing . This Opal Magic cuff has a cloverleaf lace pattern in the wide stripe . Very pretty and feminine when worn . A Picture of the completed pair is here , along with a description of how I divide sPosted by All week I 've been thinking how much fun it would be to take the camera out and find hints of spring here and there . The weather refused to cooperate . All this week it 's been below freezing and either snowing or threatening to snow . Our five day weather forecast shows below freezing temps and snow on every single day for the next five . Every casual conversation in Michigan starts out , " Is it ever going to be spring ? " We are so ready . We have a three acre field on the back of the property where I walk the dogs several times a day . The path we walk doubles as a bluebird trail . This morning , sitting on top of a snow covered bluebird house , was a male bluebird - the first one of the season and a sure sign that spring is on the way . Normally I wouldn 't post a bluebird picture where you can 't even tell that the bird in question is blue , but this is a very special occasion . This picture was the best I could do under the circumstances . Trust me , that is a very bright blue , pink breasted male bluebird sitting on top of the nest box . I 'm assuming it 's the same male who raised two families in that box last summer and has returned to claim it for this year . Hope he found a warm snuggly place to hunker down tonight because guess what - the wind is blowing and it 's snowing . Is it ever going to be spring ? You bet ! This week I saw my first robin and my first bluebird . There might even be daffodils coming up under that snow . The birthday socks are done ! Since they were knit for 6 foot 5 inch tall Son John , they 're a little baggy on my sock blockers . The yarn is Opal Handpainted 14 , a very rich combination of blues , greens , and purple . I love the way the Handpainted colors knit up in short bursts of color with no pooling and no spiraling . I 'm calling the pattern John 's Basketweave Ribbing . I 'll be publishing the pattern , downsized to a woman 's medium , on Stitches of Violet soon . There was no sun today , so I couldn 't get a good natural light picture . In fact , this afternoon when I was trying to get a picture so I could package up the socks for their trip to Idaho , it was overcast and dumping snow . I won 't say any more about the snow . It would just sound like whining . Happy Birthday March 18th John ! I 'm thinking it 's possible you might become a daddy on your birthday . Sydney would be two weeks early , but everyone who has seen the picture thinks Anne looks ready now . And the picture was taken two weeks ago . It 's always fun to visit Susan 's blog I 'm Knitting As Fast As I Can to see what she 's knitting . She has a new and interesting project to show her readers every week . And she 's always generous with sharing her knitting secrets and tips . Last night she posted a finished pair of socks knit from my Old Shale Two Yarn Socks Pattern . It 's a special honor to have Susan select this pattern to knit since she designs and sells her own unique and attractive sock patterns . The Old Shale Two Yarn Socks Pattern was written with leftover sock yarn in mind , and that 's exactly what she used . The cuffs are OnLine leftovers and the solid is some blue Pingouin sock yarn from her stash . I like the look of just having the cuff in the contrasting yarn . Great idea for some of those smaller balls of leftovers . Posted by I spent the afternoon in leisurely retiree fashion having lunch with a friend , not watching the time , and having a wonderful yak about grandchildren , past work adventures , and how glad we are that we were eliminated from the work force even if we 're not sure we can afford to be unemployed . While waiting for the dogs to get done at the groomer 's , I had a chance to knit on John 's Basketweave Ribbing Socks , The foot on the last sock is half done so they are on schedule to be in the mail by Friday . Then I 'll be down to one project on the needles ( the projects mentioned yesterday don 't count ) unless I start something else - which , of course , I 'm going to do . The Knitpicks order arrived late this afternoon and I hurried to get a picture of the yarn while there was still some natural light . It was too late , so this picture was taken with the flash . The colors are not distorted on my monitor . There are four skeins of Andean Silk in color Lettuce . Andean Silk is 55 % alpaca , 23 % silk , 22 % merino , 100 % soft against my skin . I 'm going to give it a test knit by knitting the Backyard Leaves scarf from Scarf Style to get an idea of how it works for raised stitch patterns . Even though the temperature is in the teens this evening , it is spring . I saw the first robin today . Because I 'm sure the weather is going to warm up before my new project is complete , it makes more sense to start Ene 's Scarf , an airy lace shawl in Scarf Style I 'm planning to knit with the two skeins of Alpaca Cloud in Horizon ( the light blue yarn on the right ) . But sense is going to take second fiddle to what I want to knit : the Backyard Leaves scarf is going to be first . There were also two new knitting books in the Knitpicks box , Jean Frost Jackets and Best of Knitters Arans and Celtics . I 'm looking forward to logging off and looking through them this evening . If you read yesterday 's post about my impatience with knitting cables , you 're probably asking yourself why I would order a book of Arans and Celtics . I love looking at them and dreaming about knitting themPosted by Last night while blog hopping I noticed a trend for pulling out old , unfinished knitting projects , blogging about them , and giving them a thumbs up or thumbs down for the future . Today , since I 'm really short on interesting knitting content - or even boring knitting content - I thought a bin dive for abandoned projects would be fun and educational . Before admitting to the three unfinished items I dug out of the bins today , I have to confess that these weren 't the only ones . Last year I cleaned out my bins and got rid of several partly finished projects that I didn 't like and was never going to finish . Endless CablesThis is the back of a sweater I started knitting about five years ago , before I learned the beauty of knitting with natural fibers and before I learned how bored I can get knitting cables . The pattern is Endless Beginnings from the Summer 99 Knitter 's . The yarn is Encore DK . I have a partially knit - about six inches - front to go with this back . It was set aside because I was very tired of doing cables and wanted to work on something else - anything else . Though buried in my bins , it 's never been forgotten . Every time I 'm tempted to start a new project with lots of cables , the memory of this partial sweater serves as a reality check . The verdict : It survived the last purge because I use it as a reminder of my fickleness . It isn 't going to survive this purge . The yarn might make a good baby blanket - or a great donation to the thrift store . Just BecauseHere 's another project from five years ago . I had fun knitting this vest without a pattern using whatever lace stitches caught my eye in the Barbara Walker Stitch Treasuries . It 's a beautiful piece of knitting and I even short rowed the shoulders . All it needs is to be sewn together and the ends woven in . Granddaughter Kimmy 's school has navy and white uniforms and this vest was originally intended for her to wear to kindergarten . She 's in fourth grade now . It isn 't going to fit . It isn 't Kimmy 's style , so I don 't feel as if I cheated her out of something shePosted by Spring is trying to break through . The air feels different , more humid , a little warmer . The bird calls are changing to mating songs , the woodpeckers are drilling on the trees , and a few ants have started to appear in the house . Last night it snowed . It was like a white sloppy rain . Today it thawed . Just enough to turn the snow into slush . Not enough to get rid of the white cover . Perfect weather for getting sick . When I left Son John in Idaho last Monday , he had the beginning of the flu . By Tuesday , his wife had it . Today DH Bob is sick . I 'm not very optimistic about my changes of missing out on the fun . Meanwhile I 'm almost ready to start the heel on John 's Basketweave Ribbing Sock . If everyone 's health cooperates , estimated sock completion and picture time is mid week . Looking at the weather site , it won 't be the first beautiful , balmy spring day that distracts me from knitting next week . By Tuesday the high temperatures are going to be back below freezing and there is snow in the forecast for Tuesday and Wednesday . I 'm not packing the woolens away yet . It was a nice break from knitting and now I 'm ready to get back to the needles . First thing that needs to be done is . . . John 's Basketweave Ribbing SocksThe first sock is done . The second sock is about four inches into the cuff . Normally I knit both socks at the same time because I have serious SSS ( Second Sock Syndrome , not wanting to knit the second sock once the first sock is done ) . This pair is no exception . Fortunately I have a mid - March birthday deadline to keep me going on sock two . Now that it 's cast on and available to pick up during spare moments , I expect to make quick progress with it . Many people have requested the pattern , so I 'm attempting to write it down for a ladies size medium while knitting the socks for a 6 foot 5 inch man . In order to test knit the pattern I will need to knit a second pair of socks in a ladies medium . I 'm trying to remember what stash yarn I have that will look good with this stitch pattern . It needs to be solid or have short color repeats . No stripes . I 'm sure there are several candidates in my bins that I don 't remember owning . I 'm looking forward to digging through forgotten yarn . Six Sox Knitalong Spiral StashbustersI 'm 95 % decided to disqualify myself for the grand prize drawing by not knitting this sock . Sigh . If I had known I was going to skip a sock , I never would have taken time to knit the beaded sock , either . The pattern itself is a sock engineering masterpiece . It would be fun to try out the new techniques . I just have too many other knitting goals at a higher priority right now . Yesterday Yahoo decided the Six Sock Knitalong group is X rated . Now anyone who wants to view the sock pictures has to agree they are over 18 . According to Yahoo , " This area contains material of a mature and adult nature the ( sic ) may not be suitable for younger users . " Huh ? Six Soxers had several interesting ideas on how our group got X rated , like this explanation from Sheron : " Yahoo has committed to hiring the illiterate and they can 't tell the difference between ' six ' , ' sox ' , and ' sex ' . WiPosted by This is the first fresh , fluffy snow we 've had in several months and the dogs are loving it . All three of them like to run through it as fast as they can go . The little dogs have to jump around like rabbits to get anywhere when the snow is this deep . This is Sunny , the little dog who is on a diet and not losing weight . Hopefully now that the crusty snow has been replaced by fluffy snow , she will get lots more exercise and the weight will start coming off . She has a blue fleece jacket that she wears in the snow because her curly hair is a snow magnet . When she doesn 't wear the jacket her chest and tummy get matted with ice balls . We can 't pick them out , we have to melt them . Not a pleasant experience for us or Sunny . Glory , our nine year old lab mix , likes to throw herself down in the new snow and make doggy snow angels . It snowed on and off all day today , but the total new accumulation wasn 't much over an inch . The snow is approximately six or seven inches deep . According to AccuWeather it 's going to stay cold and keep adding little new layers of snow for the next week . Not exactly the spring weather we were hoping for in March . A doggy outing in the snow is so worthwhile . When the dogs come in they are ready for serious napping . This is exhausted Pappy . Notice his little pink tongue hanging out . We think it 's cute , but then we would . We 're his parents . I might have spent their nap time knitting . Instead I caught up on my email and lists . I think I 'm still a little tired from the trip home because I sure haven 't had much energy the last few days . Instead of casting on John 's second sock today , I knit a few inches on the back of the Lavold Sweater . It was completely mindless knitting , but at least I felt like I got a little knitting done . It was a great trip , full of baby fun and anticipation . This is John and Anne before the baby shower on Saturday . While in Idaho I spent less than ten minutes thinking about knitting . Does that mean I 'm not addicted like the knitters on the lists are always claiming to be ? For the few minutes I did think about knitting , I hauled John 's Basketweave Ribbing Sock out of my suitcase , brought it downstairs and left it out where we couldn 't help seeing it . Later that day John tried it on and we were pleased to note that it fits perfectly . Once the toe is Kitchenered and the two ends woven in , the first sock will be done . I thought I might get the second sock on the needles today , but it didn 't happen . I 'm not sure where today went , but not very much got accomplished . Tomorrow will be better . Wizards , castles , unicorns , and lots of dragons decorate Sydney 's nursery . The walls are painted a periwinkle blue . The crib is full of stuffed animals just waiting for her arrival . They probably don 't realize that when she takes over the crib , they are going to have to get out - at least until she 's older . It is premature springtime in Idaho . It was in the 50s and the sun was shining . Not necessarily a good thing . They haven 't had their usual snow this winter , not even in the mountains . According to Son John ( who I 'm sure will correct me if this isn 't right ) , they will probably have a drought this summer since there isn 't a snow pack to melt and feed the lakes , streams , and rivers . Driving around sight seeing on Sunday we could see that the water level in Lake Coeur d ' Alene is low . It is still very beautiful . For anyone interested , there are more pictures of the trip here . Wish I could send Idaho some of our snow . It 's coming down cold and heavy in Michigan tonight . Looks like we 've got about six inches so far . It 's March . This snow isn 't going to stick around very long . Any day now we will see the first robin and the first bluebird . By the end of the month the Phoebes will be here checking out their nest for another summer of raising littlPosted by
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Dear Pottery Barn , Greetings from my new home in Flagstaff , AZ . Yep , that 's me , gleefully crossing the border into Arizona , nearing my final destination after approximately 2 , 500 miles of driving with my good friend , Jeff . Thank goodness he volunteered to come along - I was all set to do it alone . That would 've been a long haul . Why Flagstaff ? There are a few reasons , none of which are terribly earth shattering . It 's there , it 's beautiful , the people seem nice , and I think I can eventually make a happy life for myself for a while … or maybe forever . Who knows ? But you see , Pottery Barn , I 've gotten this question a lot . In my estimation , 93 . 4 percent of the time , it has been immediately followed in rapid - fire succession with : Is there a boyfriend there ? Are you moving for a job ? The answer to both those queries is a definitive " no . " For the record , I make a decent living as a freelance writer , which I can do anywhere I please . And , sadly , most folks just don 't know what to do with that . Why the heck would a single lady move the whole way across the country to some mountain town , where she knows next to nobody , for no other reason than to give it a try ? Because I can and I want to . And if both those things are true , then I don 't see any rational reason to wait until there 's a man or a job or a ready - made group of friends to legitimize the decision . I could either spend the rest of my life on the East Coast wondering what it would be like to live out west , or I could live out west and find out . Doesn 't seem like rocket science to me . I 'm not a bitter woman . I haven 't watched too many episodes of Sex and the City . OK , that 's probably a lie . I have , but I promise I 'm not jaded . I 've had good relationships , none of which turned out to be Prince Charming . Maybe he 's out there . But I 'm not going to sit around waiting for him to show up so I can get on with the rest of my life . I 'd miss out on a lot of fun if I did . As such , I 've learned to do all sorts of things myself . All by myself . It Takes Two . Really ? " Too often … I would hear men boast of the miles covered that day , rarely of what they had seen . " - Louis L ' AmourI don 't think my eyes were capable of opening wide enough to take it all in . I had never seen anything so beautiful and foreboding all at the same time . Intimidating . Inviting . Awe - inspiring . I wasn 't even 10 years old , in the back of a white rental car my father was driving somewhere toward Park City , UT , my face practically glued to the window . " Dad , are we skiing on those mountains ? ! " I asked , not at all sure whether I wanted the answer to be yes or no . His blue eyes smiled back at me in the rearview mirror . " Yes , we are , " he said , matter - of - factly , with a hint of eagerness to share his love of the mountain west with his uninitiated daughter . I had so many questions , yet had nothing to say . I just kept staring out that window , trying to comprehend how my skis - not even long enough to put on the roof rack - were going to get me down such steep , powder - covered slopes . My East Coast skills and sensibilities were clearly of no use here . At the top of our first run , I stood close by my dad , the tips of those tiny skis hanging over the edge of the trail . We stood there in silence for a minute or two , surveying a landscape beneath us that was beyond anything my young self had ever imagined . " Gorgeous , isn 't it ? Take it all in . Appreciate it , " he said . " And don 't be afraid . You can do this . " With his quiet confidence , and a gentle nudge , I was on my way . * * * Anybody could try to throw out a bunch of words to describe running on Waterline Road . But they 'd just be a bunch of words . No meaning . No context . No emotion . No regard to what it really is : an experience ; and my guess is that it can often be a personal one , depending on what kind of day you 're having . We stood at the bottom of the trail on Friday morning , once again feeding off the enthusiasm of our coaches , who have probably logged hundreds of miles on the dirt road before us and still can 't stop raving about it . We 'd clGo West ( Part V ) : Into Thin Air " Traveling … forces you to trust strangers and to lose sight of all that familiar comfort of home and friends . You are constantly off balance . Nothing is yours except the essential things - air , sleep , dreams , the sea , the sky - all things tending toward the eternal , or what we imagine of it . " - Cesare PaveseWhen I decided I would head to Flagstaff for the Run S . M . A . R . T . Project Retreat , I didn 't know anybody else who had committed to it - a departure for somebody who has spent a decade worth of summers on vacation with 20 best college friends , in a massive house , on a beach , with unlimited , familiar amounts of laughter and antics . Would I make friends ? Will I die of an asthma attack ( or sheer embarrassment ) at 7 , 000 feet on some random trail in the woods ? Will I be too slow ? What if nobody wants to run with me ? For a split second , I had all the anxieties of my 8 - year - old self going to my first sleep - away swim camp . I also remembered that even back then I always managed to find somebody to eat lunch with . So I registered . It was early spring - my focus squarely on Boston , my fitness at its peak , my confidence soaring . The thought of spending a week in a place that seemed a little magical and mystical to me , exploring the trails where the fastest runners in the world train , and having the opportunity to share the experience with a group of new people sounded like a fine way to jolt me out of my routine . It was pre - injury . Pre - Boston Marathon deferment . Pre - disappointment . Pre - aggravation with all - things running . The week before I headed west , my hamstring relapsed into a painful state and was trying desperately to drag my spirit down with it . Thankfully , my head is by far my strongest asset and my saving grace ( except , of course , when it 's really not … ) . Besides , what 's a little leg pain when you 're preoccupied with gasping for limited amounts of oxygen anyway ? We walked into the Embassy Suites lobby and were warmly welcomed to Flagstaff by my coach , Mike , who has lived there for about three years . Any tGo West ( Part IV ) : Pines and Peaks " Travel at its truest is thus an ironic experience , and the best travelers … seem to be those able to hold two or three inconsistent ideas in their minds at the same time , or able to regard themselves as at once serious persons and clowns . " - Paul FussellWhat would you do if you could instantly have an hour of your life handed back to you ? Would you treat it as a do - over , or simply go about your existence as if you didn 't just get 60 minutes added to it ? It 's difficult to say if that hour is truly adding anything valuable when you 're spending it within the confines of Page , AZ , save more time with good friends . Scenic ? Yes . Odd ? Extraordinarily ( though maybe not as eccentric as Kanab , UT ) . Cultural mecca ? Really , no . Dairy Queen ? Of course not . By crossing that Utah border into Arizona , there is yet a whole new time zone at your disposal . In that spirit , we were sure to stop by the local Safeway to stock up on a few bottles of wine , to be ceremoniously consumed in our three - bedroom apartment - style accommodations at Debbie 's Hideaway , across the street from Bashful Bob 's motel . Perhaps there were red flags that I chose to ignore , like the fake flowers planted outside our door or the distinct feeling that I 'd landed at grandma 's house , where odd collections of trinkets like Monopoly pieces and dusty old books are displayed in glass china cabinets in the family room . I rattled around our fully stocked kitchen and discovered that if we wanted to make Thanksgiving dinner , we were set . If we wanted to uncork a bottle of wine ? Not so much . At that moment , while KC and Alissa had retreated to their bedrooms to get ready for dinner , there was a knock on our door . Rick , the not - so - proud manager of Debbie 's Hideaway , was there to collect a credit card . " You don 't happen to have a wine opener anywhere , do you ? " I asked . " You know , that 's the second time this week somebody needed one and I don 't have one , " Rick said . " But I did come up with a solution . I 'll be right back . " I knew he wasn ' tGo West ( Part III ) : I Don 't Like Your Girlfriend " Vagabonding is about gaining the courage to loosen your grip on the so - called certainties of this world . Vagabonding is about refusing to exile travel to some other , seemingly more appropriate time of your life . Vagabonding is about taking control of your circumstances instead of passively waiting for them to decide your fate . " - Rolf PottsIt 's highly possible that we didn 't qualify as bona - fide vagabonds , but it was about as close as we could get in five - day 's worth of a road trip through a fraction of the southwest , lugging our bags in and out of a different motel each night , spending our days exhaustively exploring the stunning surroundings on foot . Everywhere we went , my eyes drank in natural beauty that my mind could never put to words . A simple walk to a nondescript Mexican restaurant outside of Hurricane , UT had me staring at a backdrop of deep red bluffs and a mountain range basically sitting at the intersection of the Mojave Desert and the Colorado Plateau . As the cars zipped by us on a road that drivers made clear was not often frequented by pedestrians , I wondered if all these people saw what I saw , or have they been here so long that they don 't even see it anymore ? Or perhaps , for some , it 's all they 've ever seen ? We had inadvertently chosen some of the hottest days of the year to spend entirely outside . Despite our best efforts , morning running followed by coffee , breakfast , packing lunch for the day 's hikes , and driving to the next destination usually resulted in beginning each trek at just about noon . Brilliant . By then , temperatures were usually reaching more than 100 degrees - I 'm fairly certain that we left about 95 percent of ourselves in sweat on some of the most scenic trails in Utah . I was also convinced that my water bottle was going to have to be surgically removed from my right hand in order to pass through airport security on the way home . At Zion , we took on a trail that led to Observation Point - a round trip of 8 miles , including a steep ascent of 2 , 000 feet to the Go West ( Part II ) : Mother Nature … and Dairy Queen I was ready to lose myself . On the trails . In the mountains . Through the canyons . Running . Hiking . Walking . Swimming . Sitting . Giggling . Talking . Listening . Watching . Contemplating . Learning . Loving . I just wanted to lose myself . In all of it . In an adventure . The plane touched down in 107 - degree Las Vegas that Wednesday afternoon , and as I patiently waited for my bag to make its way back to me , the inevitable fogginess of airplane travel quickly lifted , replaced by giddy excitement for the 10 days ahead . I 'd see things I never saw . I 'd meet people I never knew . I 'd think about things I never considered . I 'd be challenged and humbled . I 'd be amused and awed . I 'd be tired and rejuvenated . I 'd be completely grossed out by more than one hotel - room comforter . I couldn 't wait . Part One of this expedition was a journey across the Nevada border , into southern Utah to explore Zion , Bryce , and then northern Arizona 's Lake Powell , before two of us planted ourselves in Flagstaff for Part Two : a week - long running retreat . Alissa pulled up to the airport curb , KC and I loaded our bags into the back of the trusty Prius , and we took off down the Strip , toward the highway east . We were on our way , already engrossed in about 15 different conversations before we even hit the fountains in front of the Bellagio . It didn 't take long until we lost track of time . Literally . Three cell phones , a watch , and the car clock couldn 't agree on a time zone . One was still on Eastern . Another on Pacific . And yet another declared Mountain . And if you 've ever experienced a trek across the Nevada - Utah - Arizona region , you can commiserate . It took three women with a plethora of higher - education degrees among them , a Google search , and one comical call home to a confused brother back in New York to figure it out . Not that it mattered . It seemed we really had nothing but time on our hands - the way vacation always feels in the beginning . It 's liberating , being off the clock and out of touch for a little while . And there is somethingGo West ( Part I ) : Three Girls , a Prius , and a Running Retreat Lots of writers find inspiration in personal tragedy , whether real or perceived . They are most introspective and creative when they 're in a dark place . I 'm not one of those writers . I don 't enjoy the dark . I 'll pick a sunrise over a sunset any day . When life feels wrong , I suddenly have absolutely nothing to say . Luckily for my livelihood ( and , um , sanity ) , despite its share of challenges , life has almost always felt right , or at least how it is meant to be . But all the thoughts and words I 've wanted to pour out over the last few months have been locked inside my mind the way water gets stuck deep in your ear after a day of swimming . You feel it in there and it 's agitating . No matter which way you move or how hard you shake your head , it won 't come out . Every day , I sit down to write , settling myself to work in the very place that has triggered more imagination than I 've ever known what to do with , and I 've got nothing . It hasn 't simply been a case of writer 's block . It 's been a case of stagnation and self pity . And I 'm done with it . I started out a run yesterday on what I 've dubbed my " comeback trail " - during the ongoing healing and rehab of my hamstring injury , it 's a place that ensures I stay on flat terrain and take it easy . And as I take my first few steps , content to keep jogging a dreadfully slow , but exceedingly safe pace , I start to finally feel a gush of emotions . And I take off at a speed that my horribly unfit body and my left leg have no business sustaining for the next 60 minutes . The sensation of moving ahead as fast as possible feels glorious after months of feeling like I was all but standing still . I begin to realize that it has nothing to do with the act of running itself - it 's almost as if my body 's motion is on autopilot , forcefully showing my intellect that I have the ability to press forward , that nobody except me is holding me back . Rationally I know that what I am doing is wrong , that I could hurt myself all over again . But my heart pleads for a run thaForward Motion I used to be that girl who sat on the sidelines . At bars , weddings , parties , concerts - it didn 't matter - you were never going to catch me making a fool of myself dancing , no matter how many gin & tonics I had sipped . Genetically speaking , there 's really no reason why I should feel comfortable cutting a rug . I don 't come from a long line of outrageously outgoing people . Nor can I find a whole lot of rhythm floating around the gene pool - musically gifted , yes , but there 's an important difference there . I enrolled in years of tap - dancing lessons as a small child . But even at age 6 , the significance that I was the smallest girl in the class and I still ended up in the second row at recital time didn 't escape me . No matter , though . I loved the sound of my tiny little black shoes hitting the hard - wood floor , the pretty costumes , and the one night of the year we were allowed to wear makeup . The time we got to dance - and sing ! - to Annie , dressed up as orphans on stage may have been the highlight of elementary school ( I can see all women of my generation nodding their heads in unison and appreciation right now ) . See , if I surrendered to DNA , I 'd probably be clinically depressed and dead by age 40 . And so , some time ago , I stopped paying attention to self - imposed inhibitions . Also , I seem to have acquired friends who simply don 't accept insecurity as a reason to say " no " to , um , anything . I learned the hard way that being dragged to the dance floor caused far more embarrassment than my lack of dancing skills ever could . And thank god for that . Now , I dance . And I have long - since stopped caring what I look like when I do it . Lately , I 've danced a lot . Because , as anybody east of the Mississippi can attest , it 's been raining for like two months . And I 've officially been living in Saylorsburg , PA for a year now , which is approximately 365 days longer than I ever planned . And I still can 't run more than 20 minutes at a time . And I don 't know where I want to move or what to be when I grow up . These When it Rains . . . Go Dancing Here we go again . . . the unofficial start of summer . In honor of the season upon us , I thought I 'd share an adorable little video somebody sent my way . Who knows where all those miles in the next four months will lead you ? ! Enjoy and let the fun begin ! 1 . Take on an assignment for a running magazine that involves interviewing a sports psychologist about how he helps injured athletes cope . 2 . After an hour - long " interview , " realize that the psychologist was basically saying that I really need to get a life . 3 . Feel relief that I didn 't pay for therapy . 4 . Contemplate what getting a life really means , when I live in Saylorsburg , PA . 5 . Book a trip to Vegas with college friends . 6 . Consider writing a training plan to prepare for the debauchery in Vegas . Start with a half a beer and vow to gradually increase volume over the next six weeks . 7 . Slip into delayed - onset depression , answer the door in my pajamas for the FedEx man at 2 p . m . on a Tuesday . 8 . Convince myself that cross training on a Nordic Track , circa 1987 , is a fabulous idea . 9 . Nearly fall off the Nordic Track , realize that I should probably work on some balancing skills , and hope that cross training doesn 't result in additional injuries . 10 . Does my Achilles hurt ? 11 . Suddenly realize it 's been raining for about eight days straight and the wildlife outside seems to be walking two - by - two , heading directly toward the row boat on the lake . 12 . Come to the conclusion that it 's time to see a doctor . Shouldn 't a strained hamstring be healed by now ? 13 . Fight with health insurance company . 14 . Reminisce about childhood that included being the daughter of a doctor and a nurse , as well as a granddaughter of a dentist , then become enveloped by bitterness that adulthood and self - employment often result in crappy health insurance . 15 . Become a new fan of universal health care . 16 . Head to Philly for a night out with friends . 17 . Eat my weight in guacamole and gulp down three margaritas while waiting for cheese - laden enchiladas to arrive . 18 . Proceed to a bar to wash down Mexican night with a glass of wine . 19 . Laugh . A lot . 20 . Wake up the next morning without regret . It was part of the training plan ( see # 6 ) . 21 . Travel to Hershey to visit mom on Mother 's Day and go to the doctor . 22 . Realize that no visit with mom sTo - Do List " Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life ; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens . " I took a giant step back . The way I saw it , I had woken up that morning with the same choice I wake up with every morning : be happy and grateful for what I have , or be miserable and focus on what I don 't . If a running injury was the biggest obstacle I had to face right now , I had a lot to be thankful for in the grand scheme of things . I could spend the rest of the weekend moping about my lost opportunity , or be there to support my friends who had worked just as hard to make it to the starting line , and join the others who had nothing but fun on tap for the next 24 hours . Was I sad ? Unbelievably . Angry ? Absolutely . Was it productive to dwell on it ? No . Anger and sadness would do nothing to change the situation , so I found no point in hanging on too long to either . With the option to turn back home or continue to Boston , my friends continued heading north . I don 't know why or how , but the one thing I seem to have done right in my life is to find the most amazing friends to share it with . After I finally qualified for Boston , when they told me they 'd be there to watch me run , I found it overwhelming . To know that they were just as willing to make the trip to help lift my spirits was extraordinary . Saturday night 's pasta dinner at Josh 's parents ' house . I started to see the bright side . Instead of a dinner of force - fed pasta , I could do a few things I hadn 't done for far too long : head to a bar , drink a beer , and eat some nachos . I could devour a delicious , ginormous black - and - white cookie for dessert . I could stay up late , hysterically laughing during an impromptu and ridiculous game of " Truth or Dare " in my hotel room ( in case you 're wondering , you 're never too old for that … or a good slumber party ) . Instead of waking up at 4 a . m . to quiet my nerves and catch a bus to Hopkinton , I could sleep in , take a walk along BoPosted by I woke up in Boston a heap of nervous energy . I reached for the running clothes I picked out the night before , carefully choosing just the right socks , and gingerly tying the laces of my Zoom Elites . I headed downstairs to stretch , breathe , and gather my thoughts , quieting all the " what ifs " and fears zipping around my mind . My stomach was in knots , too uneasy to choke down breakfast . I had never worked myself up into such a state for a run - not even at the starting line of my first marathon . This was it . After all the many months of working toward my Boston Marathon goal , it all came down to this : a 20 minute jog the day before the race . The next few minutes would tell me everything I needed to know and I was terrified of taking the first step . Either I would make it to the legendary starting line on Boston 's 113th Marathon Monday , or I 'd join the mass of spectators lining the course . The outcome of the test jog would give me the answer . I had spent the ten days after pulling my hamstring doing just about everything I could possibly do to make it better . I rested , I slept , I elevated , I iced , I walked , I stretched , I strengthened , I ate , I hydrated , I swallowed Advil , I massaged , and I repeated . Religiously . Like it was my job . I visited some of the kindest and most knowledgeable people on the planet at Wharton Performance . I thought all good thoughts . I believed that I would heal . I was confident that I would race . So I stepped out the door on Sunday morning , into a beautiful sun - drenched day and had faith that my journey still had 26 . 2 miles left in it . After all of this , how could it not ? A cautious shuffle turned into a light jog . A dull ache twinged , but it was not a deal - breaking pain . Ten minutes passed and a light jog turned into a familiar , easy pace . Five minutes passed , and just like that , I had my answer . That sudden , sharp stabbing sensation ripped through my leg . I stopped running for a few steps , denying that this was really how this was all going to end . I picked up my right leg to quicken my pBoston Marathon 2009 ( Part I ) Last Sunday I had the race of my life . Today , I spent Easter downing Advil and taking an ice bath . A lot happened in between . Let me back up . Last Sunday I had a goofy grin on my face for most of the day , feeling quite pleased with myself . After five months , I had conquered that nasty winter without the use of a treadmill , a left Achilles injury , a right hamstring injury , a nutrition makeover , and more mileage than I had ever run in my life . Earlier that morning when I stepped to the Cherry Blossom 10 Miler starting line on a stunning spring day in Washington , DC , I had absolutely no idea what I could do . I just didn 't know where I stood . Relaxed , calm , and totally controlled , I found out 1 : 12 : 57 later : a personal best time of almost 5 minutes . No worse for the ware , no " I 'm going to die " moments , no twinges of pain , no post - race soreness - I had clearly made it to spring in the shape of my life . No matter what you 've put your time and effort toward , those are the days you dream of - when it all pays off and everything finally comes together better than you could 've predicted . It 's like you 've been working on one of those 10 , 000 - piece puzzles for five months and then finally figure out how to finish it in five - minute 's time . And that was just how I wanted to feel heading into Boston just eight days from now . With a plan to do some last sharpening workouts and head into a 10 - day taper before the marathon , I was eager to take my rush of confidence and get back to business . And then it snowed again . Seriously . After a couple of minutes filled with words I can 't type ( my mom reads this blog , you know ) … in a déjà - vu moment , my track workout was rescheduled for later in the week and I settled for doing a couple of easy runs in the winter gear I thought I was finished wearing for a while . But not more than 24 - hours after the last snowflake hit the ground , spring was back , it was 60 lovely degrees , and I was headed to the local high school track for one last chance to remind my legs that they can go fasHighs and Lows I love coffee . I love it so much that I can 't remember the last time I went for 24 hours without it . The best part about my love of coffee is that although I need it every day , I don 't desire that much of it . Just a cup or two in the morning and my fix is done . Coffee isn 't so bad for you , as it turns out . And some studies have shown that it may have some health benefits as well . However , when you drink it at the same time you 're eating nutritious breakfast and taking your multivitamin , it manages to suck the life out of all the good nutrients you 're trying to intake to jumpstart the day . It messes with iron absorption - something that female distance runners already have enough problems with - and is a diuretic . In short , it flushes all the good stuff out of your system . As I mentioned , my friend Christine - holistic health counselor extraordinaire , triathlete , and all - around amazing woman - has come to my nutritional rescue many times in the past couple of years . The best part about Chris is that she delivers advice and suggestions without any sense of judgment about bad habits - and almost always makes me laugh in the process . She 's managed to remove 95 percent of any refined sugar , white flour , and a lot of gluten from my diet , without me missing any of it . Naturally , as I thought about my eating habits and what they meant in terms of aiding my body 's recovery from the marathon - training beating I was giving it , I knew Christine would have some wise words . " I would never tell you to stop drinking coffee - I drink it too , " she said . " But here 's the trick - drink it separate from your meals . Timing is key here - try to space it an hour or so before or after eating . " Sounded easy enough , and it has been for the most part . But speaking of all those nutrients , I really wanted to know what kinds I should be focusing on . Obviously my tendonitis was a signal of a lot of inflammation . I thought that eating the right food was a better answer in the long - term than popping Advil every four - to - six hours Heal Thyself , Part II It was the week I got back from my California adventure , running an easy eight miles on the rolling hills surrounding the lake , when it happened . A dull ache in my right hamstring that had been nagging for a few days suddenly turned into a sharp , searing pain shooting through the back of my knee . In one random stride , I was stopped in my tracks . I 've been injured before and have made all those mistakes we know not to make , but do anyway - like stubbornly running through the pain in some lame attempt to stick to a training schedule . When you give so much time and energy in pursuit of a goal , it sometimes takes even more discipline to give it a rest and realize that the time - out contributes just as much to achieving those goals . Luckily , I have people . After a phone call with Mike , which ended with a mandate to skip the next day 's speed workout and a few pleas to keep smiling , I decided to wipe the worried look off my face and think about ways to speed the healing process . Yes , I know - classic control - freak tendencies coming out . I couldn 't help but wonder what I could do to feel as though I had some power over my own recovery . First of all , Mike encouraged me to think about what might have led me to this place . What had I done in the days or weeks prior that may have contributed to the breakdown ? " Often it 's what we do outside of training that sabotages our running - it 's not the running itself that leads to injury or illness , " he has reminded me , several times . That was no mystery to me . After I had returned from California , I had an unusually heavy workload . Good news for my bank account , but it wreaked a little havoc on my sleep . Between the work and the sleep deprivation , I didn 't pay much attention to what I was eating - which is to say , that I was not eating enough of anything , or at the right time . It was a perfect recipe for disaster during the time that we were also holding weekly mileage at up to 65 miles per week . Training at that intensity means that the body needs adequate sleep and the Heal Thyself , Part I I 've been in a funk . I confess that I used to think that Seasonal Affective Disorder was a load of crap . People honestly want to blame the weather for their woes ? Really ? Well , let me tell you . Spend one harsh winter training for a marathon by yourself in the Pocono Mountains and you , too , will become a believer . Fortunately , I 'm not one to wallow . The endless inches of ice and snow , the gray skies , the wind - chill factor , and the general feeling of isolation were starting to bring me down . I was struggling with the simplest work assignments . And Mother Nature had interfered with one too many of my workouts . So , two e - mails and a plane ticket later , I was on my way to visit friends in Southern California ; a bag of running gear and my laptop in tow . My California adventure began in " the O . C . " with the O ' Briens - friends who I love dearly and can never get enough of . With a new house I hadn 't yet seen and a new son I hadn 't yet met , it was the perfect opportunity to visit . And thankfully they didn 't seem to mind that I invited myself . Yes , I have good friends . I could write a lot about how nice it felt to head outside in shorts and a tank top , instead of the usual three layers of winter gear . I could talk about how I couldn 't help but feel unadulterated bliss in the California sun on that first morning , looping around suburbia for six easy miles . I could recount the 16 - mile , hamstring - burning adventure on the fire roads that twisted up and down and up and down the canyon hills . But what I really cherished were my afternoon runs with Finn . Finn is all of 22 months old . Did you know that kids don 't even have patellas at that age ? No joke . He 's got no knee caps yet - - well , technically they 're there , they just haven 't ossified yet . But , I 'm telling you that the boy can run . And he loves it . Finn , who hasn 't been slowed down in the wake of taking on " big brother " status , lives the life of an elite , professional runner . He wakes up early , has a healthy breakfast of plain yogurt , cheerios , and Posted by lde The snow is falling . Again . It will be followed by a coating of a quarter - inch of ice . Again . And the temperature on a good day this week will hit a high of 25 degrees . I 'm not sure that this winter could be any crueler . The other day I delighted in an afternoon that brought just enough sun that I could run in only one pair of tights , instead of two . I shed my usual third top layer and traded in my fleece hat for a head band to keep my ears covered . There was nothing frozen falling from the sky . It was liberating . It was also short - lived . I don 't mean to whine or complain - - there is nothing anybody can do about the weather and nobody is forcing me to train for the Boston Marathon - - but I think my core body temperature has been hovering somewhere around " really cold " since early November . The view from my windowI was thinking about all of this the other day during an easy run . I planned a nice little out - and - back jaunt on a course I use on days I don 't feel like dealing with a lot of hills . As I plodded along , trying to share a road narrowed by ice and snow accumulation with a plethora of school buses , I started convincing myself that I was getting acclimated to the difficulty of it all : the constant shivering , the loss of motivation , the ability to cut myself some slack when conditions are unsafe to get out there . Oh , and the addition of shoveling as cross - training . " I 'm getting tough , " I thought . Well , I 've always been on the tough side . Tougher , perhaps ? After a few miles , it was time to turn around . So I did . And it hit me like a slap in the face : a headwind that just ripped right through all those layers like I hadn 't taken the additional 30 minutes out of my morning to put them all on . My tougher self trudged on , realizing that the remaining miles would be anything but easy . While I 've developed a " suck - it - up - and - deal " training ( and life ) philosophy , it didn 't stop me from noticing that I hadn 't even felt the tailwind for the first half of the run . No doubt it was there , easing my effort . So , I made a silent promisLet 's Talk About the Weather There have been few New Years in recent history that I haven 't at least partially rung in with my BFF Aimee . Aimee has a magnificent way of creating and perpetuating traditions like no other , which only fractionally explains why she has approximately 10 bazillion friends and is one of the best moms in the world , too . One such ritual Aimee has upheld for herself and the lucky few who find themselves snuggled up on her couch watching football on any given New Year 's Day , is to take a few minutes to write down one wish , one prediction , and one resolution for the year ahead . She hands out envelopes , and after you seal up your thoughts , she files them away until the following year . No sharing required - - just a little letter to yourself . Inevitably I always forget about it , but then that plain white , self - addressed envelope , with the words " Do not open until December 31st " written on the back mysteriously appears like clockwork amid the rush of holiday greetings . I confess , I couldn 't wait until December 31st this year to rip mine open . I could hardly contain my curiosity about where my mind was at this time last year . I knew I was not feeling much like my sunny disposition self - - all sorts of things had just gotten way out of hand in 2007 and I was ready to make some drastic changes , though even without opening the envelope , I was 100 percent sure I hadn 't predicted that I 'd take up residence in Nowhere , PA , no matter how out of whack life had become . My prediction ? That I 'd register for Ironman Lake Placid . The reality ? I focused solely on running all year and couldn 't be happier with the way that decision panned out . My wish ? Well , honestly , who doesn 't wish for happiness and health for yourself , friends , and family ? The funny thing about wishes is that I can keep wishing them over and over again with the same amount of hope that they 'll come true . My resolution ? To dial down my OCD tendencies in just about every aspect of life - - work , volunteering , training - - and to spend more time with my friends and family . Mission accWishes , Predictions , and Resolutions
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Breaking up is hard to do , especially when you 're not really broken up . Our couple spends a lot of energy in being apart - but - together and together - but - apart , and I can 't even tell you which is worse . Let 's just say there are lots of tears . But in better news , when Tyrannical Daddy digs his heels in further , it actually spurs the people around him to make some changes . Let 's just hope they don 't get run out of town first . Audio clip : Adobe Flash Player ( version 9 or above ) is required to play this audio clip . Download the latest version here . You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser . EPISODE 18 RECAP We return in the midst of Tan 's meltdown , as he lies bloody and bruised in the street and tells Young - do he can take Eun - sang now . Oh are you done playing with that toy now ? Young - do fumes : " Do you wanna die ? " He challenges Tan 's right to rebel now , after what 's happened to Eun - sang because of him . Tan finally asks when he 'll get sent to America . " I feel like I 'm dying . Please just send me away . Please , save me hyung . " He breaks down , and Won is taken aback by his desperate tears . When Won returns to the hotel , he runs into Young - do wearing a matching bloody lip , and stops him to ask if he 's the one who fought with Tan . Young - do says he did the hitting and sighs that he forgot that he shouldn 't hit kids with hyungs . " I forgot Tan had one . He 's so good at hiding it . " Buuuurn . Young - do goes down to Eun - sang 's house for a visit … stalk … visit - stalk . There 's no sign of her , but just as he turns to go , he recognizes Mom , who remembers him too . She turns him away at first , but decides he 's probably harmless ( if only you knew ) and invites him inside . She makes him food , which is probably the first home - cooked meal Young - do has had since he was a child , and he chokes back tears as he takes a bite . It 's pretty heartbreaking , and a scene like this makes me wish Young - do had been written this sympathetically from the start . Mom asks if he 's good friends with Eun - sang , and he admits shyly that he likes her . But as soon as he says it out loud , he gets this sheepish smile on his face that he can 't hide . Mom tells him Eun - sang went to Seoul to wrap up some paperwork at school , but in reality she 's sitting in a room with Chairman Dad . Eep . Chairman Dad accuses her of taking his money and then overstepping her bounds , feeling so high and mighty about it that he doesn 't even want her saying Tan 's name . What , is she going to taint it by uttering it with her drugstore - chapsticked lips ? Good grief . Eun - sang promises to repay the debts that Chairman Dad covered in her own time , but doesn 't apologize for liking Tan : " because that 's not wrong . " Good for you . She tells him that she won 't see him anymore as promised , but there 's nothing the chairman can do to stop her from liking Tan . She asks not to be called here again . She stops at the dreamcatcher store for one last look , which is exactly where Tan is headed on his zombie walk through town . He stops short at the sight of her , and they brace themselves and walk towards each other … … And they each walk past without stopping . Tan keeps going for a minute until he finally breaks down and turns back . He runs to catch up with her , but she 's long gone . He chases her down all the way to the bus , hopping on just as the doors close . Eun - sang is shocked to see him sitting across the aisle , but they just continue that way in silence , as he walks behind her all the way back to her house . She doesn 't look back once , and he just watches from afar . This writer just reeeeeally likes this silent follow - walk motif for all her drama heroes . She tells him not to speak to her , or come to her , or do anything , but as soon as she turns her back he back - hugs her . " I can 't let you go , Cha Eun - sang . What are you going to do ? " She cries in his arms but then pulls away , as if to say she 'll be the first to let go then . Meanwhile back at Chez Kim , Chairman Dad now turns the blame on Madam Han , accusing her low - class blood of being the reason Tan turned out this way . Wow . There are no words for how disgusting you are . He says he should never have let her dream of reaching the executive suite so to speak , while she cries that he 's the one who brought her in this house and made the top floor her home . She goes up to her room in tears and takes off every piece of jewelry the chairman ever gave her . Our two hands that clasped one other as we escaped past those people . Those bones , and muscles , and veins that gave their strength not to let go - that is almost all the love I know . What other love is there than that ? She tells him defensively that she won 't see Tan anymore , but he says he 's here to fix the mistakes of his father , and asks what it is she wants for her life - to return to her old life , or to be next to Tan ? He suggests that if it 's hard to choose , maybe thinking of tomorrow instead of the long term is easier . He even offers her an excuse - final exams are coming up , and she can use that as a reason to return to school . He tells her that sometimes when you can 't come up with the courage you need , leaning on a flimsy excuse is a start . Well , he ought to know about that . Won returns to find Tan sitting in the wine cellar , and asks if he 's really going to do as ordered from now on . Tan agrees to leave for the States whenever hyung wants , but Won says the first thing he wants is for Tan to do well on his final exams . He adds a cute , " And if you 're in last place again … " He hands Tan a little note left behind by Eun - sang , wedged in between bottles of Won 's favorite wine . He says it must 've been a request for him to pass it along , but he didn 't really see the need to until now . He says he asked to be saved , so he 's doing it . She apologizes for lying to him and for running away . " My relief amidst misfortune , Kim Tan . I 'm really disappearing like yesterday 's dream . It was nice to see you in my dream , Kim Tan . " Early the next morning , Eun - sang puts on her uniform and returns to school . She sits down next to Tan and he 's so shocked he just stares and stares , finally asking , " Is it you ? " She says she won 't run away anymore and she 'll stay by his side , and he just envelops her in a hug . So … is that the end of the separation segment ? Not that I 'm not happy about the misery being over ; I 'm just not sure what changed . Whatever , moving on . It 's a happier reunion with Bo - na and Chan - young , and Bo - na is especially adorable with her I didn 't miss you at all ! followed by a bear - hug . Cute . Everyone takes finals and even Tan keeps his promise to hyung and tries . When he passes Young - do in the hall , the air is back to icy between them , and it 's another silent pass - by . I can never keep up with the randomness of you two and your up and down relationship , so I 'm just going to go with , Today Is Not - Friends Day . He tells her not to talk to him anymore , and she asks if they can 't be friends . Young - do : " No . You were a woman to me from the start , and you 're a woman to me now . And from now on , my first love . If we see each other , let 's not say hello . Let 's not ask how we 're doing . Even after a long time passes , let 's not smile and pretend to reminisce about how we were back then . " And with that , he tells her she can pay for the noodles and walks out . Aw , poor Young - do . At least you learned how to be sincere . Eun - sang tells Bo - na she 's sleeping elsewhere tonight , and elsewhere turns out to be Myung - soo 's studio with Tan . He tells her that he likes her , that he missed her , and that he felt like he was going to die , and that he swore to himself that he 'd never laugh again and never fall in love again . " So don 't ever throw me away again , Cha Eun - sang . " In the morning he grumps that all she did was study all night , and sighs that he hates the fact that they 're underage . The first reason is that everything he does ends up looking like an adolescent tantrum to the outside world , and the second reason is one she doesn 't let him say because it 's certainly naughty . Let him say it ! Madam Han calls to say vaguely that she might not be home when he gets there after school , which Tan just takes as her going out for the evening . But we see that she 's packing a bag . She goes downstairs to tell Chairman Dad that she 's going to leave him , which he finds absurd . But she 's prepared to go if it means giving Tan what he wants , and heads for the door . Leaving isn 't as easy as she imagined though , because Chairman Dad tells her she 'll be going to the States to ride out whatever angst she 's feeling , making it clear she 'll never be truly free of him . She panics as his minions load up the car with her suitcases , and grabs a passing taxi to make a run for it . She goes to Tan 's school and happens to see Young - do out in the street , and begs him to find Tan for her . It 's eerily similar to the moment when Young - do 's mom came looking for him , and he puts her in his car and goes running to find Tan . Aw , you really are friends when it counts . Thankfully he finds Tan right away and tells him to hurry , and sends them both off in his car just in time to avoid being seen by Chairman Dad 's minions . As Young - do stands in the street , he envisions his mother asking for him on the last day she was here . He goes back to his snack shop and writes a response to Mom 's message on the wall asking if he 's doing well : " No . I think I lived wrongly . " Tan tells Mom to go wait at Young - do 's hotel for now , and goes to see Chairman Dad . Tan tells him that he 'll take responsibility for Mom now , by parting ways with his father for good . Nice . He says he 'll only live as Mom 's family from now on , and bows : " Thank you for having me . " It 's time for Tan 's big birthday press conference , and he has Eun - sang escorted there to be his date . Time for the big Cinderella makeover . She wows him in her pretty red dress , and he says they 'll need some courage tonight . COMMENTS If this entire conflict goes away with one press conference , I 'll die laughing . Anyway , at least there 's some indication that Tan is doing something , even if I 'm not entirely convinced he 's cutting ties with Dad for good . And I sort of laughed at the Cheongdam - dong villa for Mom , because these people talk about leaving like it 's some huge sacrifice and they 'll have to be penniless and destitute in exchange for their pride , when in fact they 'll really just move into that other villa provided by the other rich guy . It 's the same for Eun - sang , whose life changes in no visible way except for the fact that in one moment Chairman Dad is pulling the strings , and in the next , slightly more magnanimous President Won is backing her instead . Why … can 't she just live her life instead of being allowed to do things by one rich guy over another rich guy ? Or am I just asking the wrong questions for this drama because those are her only options in life ever ? Other than the fact that it 's annoying on principle , it also downplays her decision to go back to Tan . Isn 't it more meaningful for them to say , Screw it , we 're just gonna love each other anyway ? It 's like the drama wants to say that that 's too unrealistic , so instead we have our teenage romance playing out under the umbrella of choices made by the overseeing ( and puppet - string - yanking ) adults , which has the effect of taking away any dramatic oomph from the choices made by our lead characters . They 're told to go away and they 're told to come back , and it 's played as if it holds the same dramatic weight as if they made the decisions on their own . I don 't necessarily disagree that these eighteen - year - olds are in fact powerless in their universe . There 's just a disconnect for me between the characters ' agency and the dramatic weight of their choices . What exactly about Won 's declaration makes it okay for Eun - sang to go back to Tan ? Why does Tan think it 's going to be different this time around ? The only major shift we saw in this episode is really Madam Han 's choice to leave her husband , which gives Tan freedom from the last reason he 'd have to cower to Dad . I 'm just pinning my hopes on Tan making some kind of useful declaration at the press conference , and truly cut ties with Dad , officially , for GOOD . At this point I 'd be disappointed if Tan didn 't sacrifice his entire kingdom to be with Eun - sang . Tan has so failed to impress me that it 's the only thing left in his arsenal , though I 'm not going to hold my breath because obviously this drama is not going to let them ( gasp ! ) be poor . It was really Young - do 's episode , and the fact that I really felt for him in this hour just made me lament that it was too little , too late . At some point they flipped a switch and the Young - do who secretly wanted to be Tan 's friend and was sincere towards Eun - sang was written with sympathy , and for that character , this episode was a great moment of growth . For that other guy who started out the series pre - lobotomy , it made me sad that his existence fractured a character I could 've rooted for and loved . I suppose the realization that he lived wrongly is better late than never . It 's just too bad it 's this late . In a drama set in High School for no sensible reason , where a teenage relationship is treated like the end all and be all ( seriously folks - you have the rest of high school , college , young adulthood to find the one ) and the worst written teenage female character , since Bella in Twilight ( our female lead cries in every scene and wraps her life around some teenage boy , she recently met . Yay ! Female Empowerment ) . Starring Park Shin Hye as the same character she plays in every drama , Lee Min Ho in the second worst decision of his career ( he can thank Faith for the first ) , Kim Woo Bin , stealing the spotlight from the leads and seemly a 1 , 000 other characters in an over bloated drama , where they get on average 2 minutes per episode . Featuring the worst OST , since Boys Over Flowers ' Almost Paradise ( Love is a Mommmmmmmmmmmment ! ! ! ! ) . Heirs - He Who Wears the Crown Bears the Weight of the Most Overhyped Drama of the Year . Hey , can I hug you , whoever and wherever you are ? You are so right about this drama being overhyped and I 'm so sad it might steal all the awards from dramas such as Master 's Sun and Secret Love , just like Boys over flowers , because of its cast and all the publicity . I watch it , but I simply hate the story and the character development . Does that mean that I have to rewatch the drama to remember ? The whole drama ? Yikes ! ( though I would rewatch it for KWB 's performance . He didn 't move me as much at the beginning , so I was not paying much attention to him , not until a little later ) . Mom Mother Mistress refers to the confusing maternal titles in the Chairman 's household and all under the same roof - " Mother " - his father 's first wife and Won 's mother , who is also the principal at Chaebol High ; Mom - his biological mother and his father 's mistress whose status in the household is rather compromised and complicated for Tan . The title represents the confusion and tangled web that the parental units have created for their sons . Stocks Skyrocket refers to the comment concerning the stock prospects on the announcement of Young Do 's father and Rachel 's mother 's marriage . And thank you so much for answering . I really like what you did ( with the titles ) , and I was trying ( like a game ) to guess what the markers signified / implied . I was able to guess a few of them , however I have to admit that most of them had me guessing for a while . It just made me realize how much information we ( our brain ) gathers in the viewing of 18 episodes ( so far ) of a Kdrama : - ) . 1 - - So I take it that it was a reference to ES 's mother then ? 4 - - P . 16 , I totally did not remember that . 9 - - owl , about # 9 , I would just like to clarify something . You said this , " " Mother " - his father 's first wife and Won 's mother , who is also the principal at Chaebol High . " I think that Won 's mother is the 1st wife , and she died , and her body is buried in CA ( ep . 1 , I think or 3 ? The one where KT goes to the almond farm ? KW later meets Rachel and takes her to his mother 's grave 's ) . Which means that Ji Sook ( sp ? ) is Chairman daddy 's 2nd wife . She raised KW for 10 years , and she is mentioned in the family registry as being KT 's mother ( official mother ) . 3rd , is Madam Han aka as Ki Ae ( I think ) and who is KT 's biological mother and chairman 's mistress . I am sure that is what you meant to say , however it was written that way : - ) I did understand what you meant here though , thank you for explaining . 18 - - Try living : What KW tells KT to do , in the wine cellar , I think . Did I get all of them right , this time ? : - ) If so , what did I win ? ( Just kidding : - ) ) Ivoire , you 're right , # 9 . Wow , the mother thing is even MORE complicated . And that doesn 't even include YD 's mother 's story ( sigh , so complicated , the motherness of it all ) . I almost got mixed up for a minute thinking there was a music box scene with Won , but then I remembered that was from Secret . Sheesh , inter - and intra - kdrama confusion ! I have to laugh at Pale Pink Angora , the rabbit fur sweater that Tan wore . [ Episode 9 ] " Mom " = Han Ki - Ae pretended to be Cha Eun - Sang 's mother at the Parent Conference at Jeguk High School . After being reprimanded by Director / Chairwoman Jung Ji - Sook for fighting with each other , Choi Young - Do taunts Kim Tan about having to call her " Mother . " Choi Young - Do makes a surprise visit to Kim Tan 's home and sees Tan with Han Ki - Ae . . . " Mistress . " Thank you for the recap ! This was an interesting episode for me , in that yes , there were some development ( YD finally moving on , on many fronts ; KT and ES getting back together ) , and yet , I was still confused by other things , such as KW and HJ being in bed together . Because I thought , " how did we get there ? So now they are back together ? Were they ever together ? Were they on , then off , then on again , then off , and now they are back on ? " So confusing … My favorite scene right off the bat ( of the whole ep . ) , was YD being with ES 's mom . I rewatched it many times , and each time I cried . KWB is just that good , and YD got to me . I LOVED that it was a scene where not much was spoken , but A LOT was conveyed , nonetheless . I will expand on it later . That scene reminded me of the scene in Gaksital , where KT eats the potato given to him by the leader , and he remembers his brother and he cries . So . Moving … 2 - Even if things don 't change , after getting into an accident , you can breathe freely for a little bit . ( meaning ? ) ( HS ) . I am asking because when I hear accident , I always think car accident , but that is not what HS meant here , I think … 5 - I asked where that bloodline ( mother and son being alike ) would go . Why is the dad acting as if he has nothing to do with it ( meaning Tan 's conception and birth ) ? She is not the Virgin Mary . I am just frustrated with the dad . 6 - Chairman : I raised tigers ? ( KT and KA ) . How are they tigers ? So he thinks he raised KT 's mom ? ( rhetorical question , kind of , but feel free to comment on that ) . 8 - KW to HJ : " You didn 't ask me her name , how old she is , and if she is pretty " . HJ : " I am not great in those areas " ( a blogger said , " I am not worried about those things , she can 't beat me " something like that ) , and then KW , " at least you know . " ( Which one is which , the subs or the blogger 's version ? ) 9 - KW to ES : " KT , you are not going to see him " ( Eng . Subs ) ? But I thought I heard , ( you don 't miss him ? ) bogoshipo ( sp ? ) ? I have a question . Exactly why do you have so many questions for every episode ? I don 't mean anything by this , it 's just that I really am curious as to why you have the need to analyze the entire episode . Is there a specific reason for this ? I also loved Young - do 's scenes in this episode . So moving . I was curious about the note that was supposed to be from his mom . Is it new ? When he saw it , he look surprised . If it had been there for the past 3 years I think he would have seen it by now ? So does that mean she was back around town again and left that ( new ? ) message on the wall ? Perhaps the writer had another one of those lightbulb moments when she thought , " Let 's add that coz it 's a nice touch . " Considering this drama 's plot inconsistencies , I wouldn 't be surprised if that is exactly what happened . Look at Won 's and HJ 's relationship . WTF ! Are they on third base already ? I thought they didnt even have a proper relationship ! 5 - Oh my Goodness . So , funny story , at the beginning of this drama I liked the dad . Now , I 'm trying not to kill him . Kim Tan : He was truly scary at first . When he begged Won to send him back to exile in the U . S . , it was so sad . He was saying that he 'd rather go back to the numbness of feeling nothing rather than experience the pain of lost love , and that is a bleak place to be . Thankfully , although it took a while , he managed to shake off the dark cloak of depression and self - pity . I think seeing that other people besides Eun - Sang cared about him really helped . While I loved his and Eun - Sang 's reunion , I think my favorite Tan scene was where he told off his father calmly , like an adult , and took responsibility for his mother . It showed real growth - no more tantrums , just standing up for what he believes is right . Eun Sang : The Wizard must have given her some courage . Who knew all it would take was the right book ? Instead of all this agony , Tan should have just gotten her a Kindle in the first place : ) . Seriously , though , it might have been a bit on point to have her read that particular book , but it was a beautiful passage . Young Do : The woobification ( pun intended ) of YD is complete , but KWB is so good that I completely bought it , despite my past dislike of him . His calmly telling ES they couldn 't talk any more , instead of being nasty ; his humbly and gratefully eating the meal her mother prepared ; his acknowledging that he hadn 't been living well were so touching . And when he helped Tan 's mother escape , it felt as if he and Tan were coming full circle from their first mother - centered fight . Won : I 'm still not sure how he went from being Tan 's enemy to not only acting as a true brother , but playing Cupid for him as well . Still , it was nice , so I 'll take it . LOL at that scene of him and HJ in the bed fully clothed . I 'm not saying to be naked , but then why have them in the bed at all ? KA ( Tan 's Oma ) : I loved that she had enough courage to leave the Chairman - and also that , in some way , she was inspired by Tan to do it . That scene of her slowly removing her jewelry , then appearing in a somber black coat , was such a great way of symbolically showing her removing the " gilded chains " she wears in her relationship with the Chairman . * I generally hate scenes of rich guys taking their poor girls shopping - too many flashbacks to Pretty Woman , a movie I loathe . However , I 'll let this one pass because Tan and Eun - Sang were so striking in their formalwear - and yay for bangs - less Tan ! Young - Do must have lent him his hair wax , the true sign of their renewed friendship . * I enjoyed Rachel and Young - Do 's little exchange in the dress shop - I still say these two would make the best match . I also liked HS trying to help Tan . As usual , Bo - Na wins the cute award . Yay I finally got to watch the first five episodes of heirs and it was not as bad as some people made it sound . Its not the best but its good and I mean really good . Lee min ho 's english was that bad it was just so laughable and I wish they didn 't show his face when he was saying long dialogues in english . It spoils his cool image for me cos I had to cover my yes just so I don 't see his face , so I can keep on seeing him as perfect and cool . And KWB is so hot and such a great actor and I giggle like an idiot even if he 's a jerk and I am not a fan of his but now I am but I will always love LMH more . KMH is so cute with krystal , I just love their relationship . PSH is great too but I never really saw her as pretty until I watch HS and heirs but heirs really made realize just how pretty she is and which in my opinion is DAEBAK . CJH is looking good and no matter how mean he is , I can not not like him . After spending weeks of just reading recaps and glad that I finally got to watch the real thing and that its not as bad as people made it seem . The ost is actually really good . Keep watching , it will still be okay . . . for a while . Watch out for the middle . But then marathoning it might not be so bad coz you can get over the bad parts really fast . The ending might be even good . Hopefully . Hopefully . Wow ! ! ! no kidding ! ! ! I always think about Heirs when I hear this song ! ! ! and if I was talented with the making MVs , I would probably make a video of the characters of Heirs with the song , Royals ! ! ! it just seems right . . . maybe someone is thinking the same thing too and will make a MV with this song ! ! ! I 'd like to see that ! ! ! Loved the YD & Rachel scene . Those two are kinda perfect for each other no ? They had good chemistry . See Rachel , when you stop being a b * tch , the romantic possibilities are endless ! As for the Won / Hyung fully clothed bed scene , lol , I explained in my post below that I think the writer was trying to convey their bond . I found it to be a really intimate scene even though they had clothes on . I think she wanted to let us know they have an adult relationship . Which I appreciate because in K dramas , grown adults dating seem scared to even hold hands . I 'll take what I can get ! I really appreciate that coming from you , Vicky , because I know you used to edit recaps professionally ! I can 't compete with the professionals , and even if I wanted to , I just don 't have the time to do recaps consistently . I think I keep on commenting for Heirs not only because I enjoy interacting with ( some ) people here , but somehow I feel compelled to at least have one positive outlook on the show here on the site : ) . I think even the recappers can 't stand it . I 'll go check out your post below re Won / Hyun Joon . I agree it seemed very intimate , it just sort of came out of left field for me . The last time they talked they still seemed estranged , and the next thing you know they were in bed together . @ cute girl - Madame Han is Tan 's mother , right ? If so , although she has been rather immature in the past , she showed growth in this episode . I think she finally grew up and realized how toxic her relationship with the Chairman was . I actually watched Gossip Girl from start to finish , and I think emotionally , this show actually beats Gossip Girl . Of course , it 's much harder to do six seasons rather than one . But by the end of the series , the characters were all awful parodies of themselves and I couldn 't have cared less what happened to any of them . Whereas I am very emotionally invested in wanting the best for the " Heirs " peeps . I think with Won it isn 't that much of a game changer . We learned via his ex - girfriend / current - love - dilusion / i - have - no - idea - what - they - have - going - on that he does like his brother . He has always just been afraid of the threat Tan represents . He also didn 't believe Tan could be as naive as he sometimes is . I think the big change is that now he truly believes Tan . Since he believes that ( Tan wants girl ) and not ( Tan wants crown ) , he can now allow his nicer feelings . Of course , if you grew up with Won 's dad and uncles , it might also take you a while to trust that being nice is ok . It 's not true of all siblings that they 'd eat your liver . I definitely think it was because he saw how self destructive Tan became . Didn 't he say something to his devil gene donor last episode that Tan had patiently and nicely tried to get Won to like him , but now didn 't care . Like he was throwing everyone in his life away . I think when Tan decided to be his brother 's enemy it might have woken up Won to how far down he had gone . I was thinking . What if Tan turns Golden Empire on his brother Won . Let 's say he did all thise dramatic scenes with crying and fighting to get his brother to think Tan is a sincere fool , who only wants a girl , and not daddy 's company . Then he ( Tan ) takes over the Empire , gives half to his abused mother , while buying that Dream Catchers store for Eun Sang . There WAS For Lease sign on the window in this episode , if you noticed . Is that too much to ask of an eighteen years old boy ? ! The writer obviously doesn 't like ' em poor . So why not make him truly rich and a bit evil at the end ? I loved this episode . Tan and Eun - sang continue to slay me with their interactions . The running around they both did , trying to run away from each other then going oh screw it and running back to each other was so adorably done I think I almost cried . Won . Finally , you step up and do your duty as a big brother , and not a moment too soon . It makes sense that now was the time he chose to take charge . Tan 's dad is a grade A jerk - face , he wouldn 't listen to his mom , who is as much a slave to dad as Tan himself is , and there 's no Eun - sang to reign him in . Although , I do admit that scene between Hyun - joo and Won , random and a little bit awkward to see . Isn 't that the truth ? I can 't stand abusive characters , which is what he definitely was at first , and I don 't like dramas whitewashing abusive behavior . But KWB is so good that his transformation really seems believable . I think he 'll have a great career - I can 't wait to see him in " Friends 2 . " " Won : I 'm still not sure how he went from being Tan 's enemy to not only acting as a true brother , but playing Cupid for him as well . Still , it was nice , so I 'll take it . LOL at that scene of him and HJ in the bed fully clothed . I 'm not saying to be naked , but then why have them in the bed at all ? " How did they even end up in bed in the first place ? Maybe I 'm experiencing a bit of the old K - drama amnesia , but one minute , Won is telling HJ to wait for him ; the next minute , they 're having a pajama party ? Do all of those " deals " the girls made with Bad Daddy suddenly take on no meaning in this episode just because ? Hmmm . . . I am also confused as to what caused the change in Won 's character . Yes , it turns out Bad Daddy intended him to retain the power in Jeguk after all , but why the sudden growth of a heart towards his brother ? The sudden coziness with estranged girlfriend he failed to stand up for in the first place ? I think Won being in bed with HJ is a surprise , but not that improbable because he lives in a hotel room . She did feed him jook in the room when he pretented to be sick . He complains that she never let him up to her bedroom when he caught HJ with Yoon . But I think the changed attitude comes when he asks her to wait for him outside of her place , he hugs her , and she also returns the hug as the camera pulls away . What ? Don 't tell me you don 't know that they 're sleeping together ? ! ! ^^ They have had a secret relationship all those years ! ! We seldom see that in Korean dramas so I 'm glad that this drama shows that even though you 're not married , you can still have a relationship even if you see each other in secret . Even if Dad forbids them to see each other , it doesn 't mean they 're going to stop seeing each other . . I think Kim Won needs Hyun Joo a lot ! He needs someone he can trust and rely on and the scene in bed was such a lovely , intimate scene ! ! ! I loved it a lot and it made me swoon a lot ! ! ^^ how he strokes her cheek ! ! ! for me this scene and the conversation they 're having show very well how much they love each other and their level of intimacy ! Kim Won is human , a regular guy , so of course , they sleep together from time to time ! oh no , , that wasn 't awkward for me at all , that was a sweet scene ! ! Heh . My exposure to Kdramas is limitless , and I still don 't remember most of the actors ' names . Be it male or female . I only remember faces and ALL the dramas they were in . : - ) Unfortunately , I read her father said in an interview , he did not like LMH and didn 't want to see her in a deep passionate kiss with LMH . So she was too intimidated to do it well . I hate it when parents get that far into their adult childrens ' lives . Is there a link to this interview , I would love to read it . If PSH 's father had made such claims against LMH then I would consider PSH 's father to be insensitive & tactless . He should not have gotten all personal ; his daughter IS an actress & as an actress she has to be professional and not allow personal / family obligations get in her way . If PSH is really a filial daughter then she should not have agreed to work with LMH in the first place . Such selfish and conditional stand regarding intimacy / kissing in acting would only affect the co - stars performance . Did she actually think that if she continues to show an uncomfortable face then it would justify that she didn 't ' enjoy ' such intimacy or physical contact hence respecting her father 's wishes ? How ridiculous . Jung Eun Ji maybe ? At least she looks like she 's in high school . Although I wouldn 't sentence her to such a horribly written character . No one deserves to play Eun - sang because that she has got to be my biggest complaint in this drama - and that is saying A LOT given my uncountable issues with heirs . I second the Lee Yoo Bi nomination . She rocked it in Gu Family Book , she did a much , much better job than Suzy ( who had all of the idol hype going for her ) . Give that girl some more work ! Okay . Eun sang is probably the worst character in this drama . And that is just something . Apparently all she needed was encouragement from Won , a practically a stranger , to do a complete u - turn . God help me , I don 't understand why I keep watching . But I do . However ( I like to play devil 's advocate cause I think this writer is intelligent ) from the writer 's POV , I guess it makes a little sense that ES felt less scared and more courageous with Won now protecting her and encouraging the relationship . Won is no slacker himself . He is also somewhat powerful as the President of the company . So with Won AND KT working to protect her , it makes a lil sense . Can I say I like Young Do MUCH more than Kim Tan now ? I don 't know what 's the whole point of Kim Eun Sook writing this drama . And then getting LMH to act as Kim Tan . It 's like she has some agenda against LM because Kim Tan is so much more badly written than Young Do . I don 't buy the romance between Tan and Eun Sang . The passing of time in this drama is so random and everything seems like they happened within days , instead of the supposed two seasons had passed . That apart , it 's really sweet . And to mark how the character as well as Lee Min Ho 's pouts have grown on me , I read each one of your points and thought , ' yes , that 's right , but he looks cute doing it . ' Hehe . I think you 're absolutely right on that one . Kim Tan 's character seems much more like an excuse than anything else . I get it that this wasn 't supposed to be the most well - written drama of the year , but dunno . . . she could have tried . And the romance does not hold at all . I find the leads engaging to watch , I sometimes empathise with them , but their relationship has no real basis . The only way a person can fall that quickly in love is if there is only a physical attraction , and nothing more . Pity and lust , that 's it . But I 've read on Dramafever that falling - in - love - at - first - sight is an acknowledged k - drama trope , so I 'm going to let this go , however unwillingly . Post - 13 , the pace and writing had picked up , but with 17 et al , I believe it 's gone back into its corner . Even though I 'm replying to your comment , bishbash , let me add this one original observation : my point of contention with the very last moments of episode 18 . Was this really necessary ? The ' glamification ' of Kim Tan and Eun Sang ? Did no one else have any problems with it ? It alienated me more than anything else on this show . What they accomplished was making Lee Min Ho and Park Shin Hye of the characters . No , it wasn 't necessary imo . Though I think the writer THINKS its necessary because it IS a Candy story , so it is necessary in her head to " glamify " Eun Sang , especially . Because who knows , it may be the last chance to give Eun Sang a makeover . I think I get what you want to say . It 's just like the many blatant product placements that had peppered throughout this drama . Lest we forget they 're Lee ! Min ! Ho ! and Park ! Shin ! Hye ! . I have nothing against this two as actor and actress though . So much love for Bona and Eunsang . That hug was just adorable haha . Lee Bona went from hating Eunsang , to protecting her secret , to becoming her saviour when she got kicked out , and now her biffel . Love these two . # OTP Oh my . . . I can bear watching Secret Garden , but even reading Heirs ' drama recaps makes me cringe ( have no idea what range of shrinking I 'll have when I actually watch it ) . Thanks to Javabeans and girlfriday for making the cringe - worthy drama becomes less - cringe - worthy ( even only for a portion ) Thank GOD I wasn 't the only one thinking this . I 'm barely holding on only because of Javabeans and girlfriday . And it 's mostly because of their amusing / hilarious comments x ) Me too . I 'm only still watching this terrible mess in order to read the recap by dramabeans . Oh dear , this drama has so many issues ! ! While waiting for Heirs ep 17 / 18 to surface , I looked at " Secret Garden & Scent of a woman " Now to veer of topic for a minute . Alot of people were commenting about the kiss / romantic scenes in Heirs and how lackluster it was . I got a point of reference with these dramas . HOT KISSING SCENES . I could feel the passion they were conveying . Nicely done . Now back to Heirs , all I can say is " what you see is what you get as per the director vision . on this one in my opinion not yet . But with a WHOPPING 2 episodes left . . . . . . . . lmao ! ! I think we may be legion here at DB . I just CANNOT with this show but I LOVE DB commentary . Thank goodness for answer me 1994 , otherwise I would have been in drama drought . ( team chilbong ! ) I say to you LMH - just give us what we want and make CITY HUNTER 2 already . This high school drivel is beneath your considerable talents . And what a waste of daddy gumiho . 1 . Young Do eating the food Eun - Sang 's mother made him . It was just really touching and sad . 2 . Young Do closing the Eun Sang chapter of his life with the noodles . As long as she had that debt , he could always use the excuse that he needed to see her . Now that that 's done , I think he might be ready to move on with his life , well soon . It is sad he wasn 't like this in the beginning , but I think the fact that it is too late makes it more impacting . 3 . Tan 's mother taking off her jewelry and leaving Daddy . I 'm really happy she decided to do that , even if it 's hard . I think that something the show missed , however , is why Tan likes Eun Sang so much . We know why she likes him , why Young Do likes her , but not so much Tan , at least not why so intensely . Bittersweet overall , but it had some nice , touching moments . Oh and Park Shinye looks great in that dress ! I just wish her hair was tied up like in one of the posters . I 'd put Young do running to find Tan about his mother scene at the top as well . Gosh YD really makes this show for me . I think the indifferent " walking past each other " scene between him and KT makes sense to me . I mean they both know they have a not so comfortable history together , and now they both love the same girl . I get that they might not want to be too close for comfort . Besides , they 're friends when it counts anyway as GF has mentioned . Anyway about how KT 's intense feelings for ES came to be , wasn 't it that moment sometime during the first few eps , she was looking outside in the pool area that morning . He saw her and that moment might 've been it for him . Also i kind of sensed that he was drawn to her pain ( sister / mom / poverty / lost cause problems ) and that kept him interested . This frustrates me knowing that pain was what drew the OTP together , but then our heroine couldn 't have been drawn to YD 's pain too ? C ' mon even Jan Di got past Jun Pyo 's bullying . I guess KT just got to her first . Just frustrating . I 've never felt the impulse to hate on YD 's character even from way back . I knew he was gonna grow on me and now I can 't stop whining about how this isn 't his show . I 've never seen any of Kim Woo Bin 's shows before , and so now I love him shamelessly . Well said Momoi and Lizzie . I really enjoyed Young Do 's scenes in this episode too : when he eats at Eun Sang 's and when he runs to find Kim Tan for KT 's mom . So well done ! The only rare moments this drama can provoke any sympathy . Kim Woo Bin 's acting is great . Yes , please , if the writer actually make ES end up being with YD , that would actually reverse all of my feelings about this show . I would actually LOVE it ! Can we actually hope for that ? In a million years ? LOL I hadn 't known but this drama is on a rush schedule apparently . I saw them film the scene where Young Do remembers the day his mom left and Tan 's mom leaving in the car at a middle school in my neighborhood yesterday . From a distance I had only scene Kim Woo Bin open and close the car door 15 times but little did I know that it would air that very night . He looked very tired , but was extremely handsome . Sorry for blabbing on , but it was actually really exciting to see a drama filming near my neighborhood . Live - shoots are like death for actors . I keep noticing how red everyone 's eyes are in these recent episodes - - yes , because everyone 's crying incessantly , but more because everyone 's getting zero sleep . Even Dad 's eyes are blood - red ( http : / / i1192 . photobucket . com / albums / aa324 / girlfridaydb / drama / 2013 / heirs / heirs18 / heirs18 - 00130 . jpg ) . @ Moimoi , thanks for the BTS info ! I can 't believe they are still reshooting scenes to air the same night . That 's pretty cray . Korean drama schedules are tough . I noticed LMH seemed to have lost a lot of weight in this episode . PSH looked a bit slimmer too . That 's why suddenly the exterior of the school is so different from the previous episodes . They didn 't have time to shoot the scenes at the original locations . I think that also contributes to the random feel these last few episodes . The scene with Young Do and Eun Sang 's mom was so moving . It made you see how deeply the loss of his own mother has affected him . The scene that tells you that he no longer holds Kim Tan responsible for the fact that he missed seeing his mom before she disappeared is when he 's confronted with making the decision whether or not to bring KT to see his own fleeing mother . I actually cheered for the YD who allowed his decent side to emerge . Kim Woo bin : such an amazing actor . KT 's and ES 's bipolarity make my head hurt . One day they are brave , the next they are a mess , then they get brave again , then a mess and so on and on and on . And things around them are exactly the same while this is going on . If KT ends up poor in order to be with ES then I will believe his feelings and will love him for it . Otherwise I can 't care anymore . And I tried to care , I really did . Exactly ! My biggest problem with this drama is that I can 't feel much sympathy with main couple . What they 've been doing so far is just pushing and pulling each other . They even didn 't have much deep time / or history together . So even they act like they can 't live without each other , I can 't feel sorry for them . Who 's more evil ? Kim Tan 's Daddy Douche Bag or Young Do 's ? Right now , I 'd say Tan 's by a nose because at least Young Do 's dad acknowledges that , where women are concerned , he has no moral standing by which to dictate to his son whom he may or may not date . Tan 's father actually has the nerve to see himself as " better " than the concubine he knocked up and then kept under his thumb for almost twenty years . I absolutely hate that man . I don 't know what the big deal is about taking Kim Tan 's mom to the airport . Can they really get her to board the plane against her will ? Even if somebody goes with her , can 't she get to security and ask for help ? At least she can shout " I have a bomb ! " a couple of times . That will keep her grounded . And if the gets to the US , so what ? All she has to do is say that she has to go back to Korea to get her GED . The finals excuse worked for Eung - sang , and Won seemed to think that made her untouchable . Ha ! This drama does not make any sense . As hard it is for me to admit , I 'm enjoying Pretty Man more , even though I didn 't have high hopes for that drama . It 's lighthearted and fun . Lol ! Great , now I 'm picturing a tiny zombie with wings , wearing a wilted flower headdress , holding a skull headed wand . Totally agree about the airport . How do you force someone on a plane ? Totally agree . I didn 't like him at first but now , I wish he had someone who loved him back . Hoping his mom will appear before it 's over . CYD should star in Heirs 2 , don 't you think ? YD looks like he is headed for the catwalk in every scene . It 's because KWB is a professional model so I think it will be unfair to compare him to the other guys but damn if he hasn 't stole my attention away from the others . Maybe if the story was more solid I wouldn 't be noticing too much but with not much plot to sustain whatever is going in the episode I find myself hoping for more YD every time . I read an interview where he said that due to his modeling background he is very anal about the way he is styled . That 's probably why his outfits are cooler than LMH 's , he will probably throw a fit if they tried to dress him in the fuzzy pink sweater . LOL ! Well , I certainly am glad that he gets to put a stop to any horrible stylings . Btw , about YD looking like he 's headed for the catwalk in every scene . . . . well , Woo Bin said in an interview that he unconsciously does the catwalk when he 's shooting his dramas and gets told off for doing that . So yeah , because of his modelling career , his body reacts that way without him even thinking about it . It was like , really ? Wow ! That is all ? To think despite all the pitifulness of KT and ES , I get a choked up only when YD is sad . And roll my eyes whenever ES cries and KT pouts . Pretty Man is delightfully funny . So refreshing . I had no idea IU could act so well and be so genuine and her chemistry with her costars is priceless - has me in stitches most of the time . Pretty Man is actually better than I expected . Not deep , but funny and fun . Unlike Heirs , it does not pretend to be deep or thoughtful - what you see is what you get . And oh yeah , as of ep5 I don 't think anyone has cried or stared , though IU tends to drool a bit . Yes , it 's better than I expected too . but a little hectic - we already see the triangle , don 't see the quadrangle yet . Looking forward to when it slows down ( hopefully ) to give us some real romance . I can 't wait to see how this hot mess ends next week and for You From Another Star to premiere . I think Heirs might break 30 % ratings with the finale . It 's crazy ! Wow , thirty percent among the Korean viewing audience ? That 's impressive given where this drama 's ratings started . I must say that have agreed with virtually every criticism of Heirs put forth here at DB . Nonetheless , it 's exerted a strange hold on me almost from the start . I honestly can 't explain it , other than the saying that the whole so greater than the sum of its parts . Has it been so roundly criticized in Korea also ? Valleydale , you 've summed it up for me , too . I 've agreed with all the criticisms I 've read here , and could add a few more of my own , and yet . . . I 'm all ' is it up yet ? ? ? ' every Wed & Thurs , lately . I think it 's the TERRIFIC actors ( even PSH does not irritate me as much as heretofore ; ) , but also the deep true power of Kdrama themes and style - - I wish I could express it better . Despite all the buildup for the big party , I am pretty much expecting a total fizzle for the grand finale . I expect a bit of screaming , but after that everyone will turn into nice guys and live happily . Except that the chairman will get amnesia . I almost started crying as Young Do tore through the school looking for Tan . I could feel his desperation followed by relief when he found him and sent him off in his car . And Mom 's home - cooked meal for him . * tears * Who is this Won and what has he done with the real Won ? This overnight change is too sudden , it 's unbelievable and makes me slightly uncomfortable . Suddenly caring about Tan and going around calling him his dongsaeng . Since when did Won and Hyun Joo get back together ? Let me guess , Won will be taking Hyun Joo to Tan 's birthday extravaganza ? I say again , I wish this drama would have a Dawson 's Creek ending . Eun Sang can have her youthful romance with Kim Tan , but in the future , after he works out his issues , it would be great if she ended up with Young - Do . I 'm just going to imagine it happens that way . Yes ! This episode hit all the right notes ! Phew ! I quite enjoyed it . Hopefully , now that we 've got 2 episodes left , this drama will hit all the right notes right through to the end . Okay am I the only one hoping for a bit of an extension for this drama . I know we have only 2 episodes left , but it seems that the last few have finally picked up some steam and gotten more interesting . I still have more questions and I think too many things have been left unexplained up to this point for them to be resolved by next week .
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May 29 , 2017TeachingDown 's Syndrome , Education , Inclusion , Inclusion ( education ) , Mainstream Education , Primary school , SENDnancy I sent out a tweet the other day . It was a little , innocuous retweet of a picture of a little girl , trying on her school uniform for the first time . In it , she is clapping her hands , as pleased as punch to be wearing a blue checked dress , her hair in a ponytail , shiny black shoes as neat as a pin . Clearly , her parents were pleased as punch too because they sent it out to some big hitters in the Down 's syndrome tweeterverse . I saw it and I was glad to share it with the many teachers with whom I am connected in a virtual sense . It had a surprisingly large effect . To date , it has had 32 retweets ( which is a lot for me ) , 90 people have saved it with little love - heart likes , there have been 8 , 672 impressions and 148 total engagements ( whatever they are ) . I 'm pleased , because I thought at the time , and I still think it this morning , that it is an important little tweet for people to see - and to notice the three , innocent sounding hashtags that follow . # inclusion # acceptance # school You see , what I don 't think that many people understand , and why should they after all , is quite what it is like to be told that your child , the baby you hold in your arms , the one you have waited for , anticipated with such joy , is somehow less ; a cause for concern . It 's a shock , I can tell you , and not a pleasant one , either . People who have not had this experience don 't know how it knocks you sideways , how long it takes to recover , to rebuild the life you thought you had lost . But , and here 's the thing ; what will happen when inclusion turns out to be less warm and fuzzy and more blood , sweat and tears ? Will we blame the parents , for not telling the truth about their children , for carrying on in an irresponsible manner ? Will we blame the children , for being too disabled , too needy , too naughty , dangerous , even ? Will we , instead of examining a system that fails to put in place proper and adequate support , for teachers , for families , for children , blame everyone but ourselves and throw inclusion out of the window ? March 27 , 2017UncategorizedInclusion , Inclusion ( education ) , Mainstream Education , SENDnancy It 's been a long time since I read Orwell 's 1984 . My friend Allie , who used to have room 101 at college , had a quote from it photocopied and stuck to her door ( I had a Jacky Fleming one and a the obligatory sheet of paper for my friends to leave the obligatory ' I came to see you and you were out ' message on ) and , at the time , I smiled , but I didn 't really know what she was talking about . I had had Animal Farm read to me as a class story when I was in Year 6 , but that was about as far as my knowledge of Orwell went at the time . I was more of a Jane Austen kind of girl . I did read it though , a while after I met her , accompanied by its feminist partner , The Handmaid 's Tale , one rainy summer when I had a job selling ice - creams ( there wasn 't much to do ) , chuckling to myself at the snatched memory of my parents , in the real 1984 , saying that they never thought they would ever reach the year , that now that they were 41 it didn 't seem so old . When I read it ( them ) , the dystopian image of a life controlled by Big Brother ( which wasn 't a TV show ) , or by your membership of the female sex , it seemed to me to describe a fantastical world ; an impossibility . I was young . Today , though , it is doublespeak , rather than Big Brother or Room 101 , that I find most striking . The news is no longer the news ( it is fake ) . The truth is no longer the truth ( it 's not even relative ) . Social mobility doesn 't mean to be socially mobile ( as personified by that much derided character , Hyacinth Bouquet / Bucket ) , but to be a certain kind of poor ( the deserving ) . And , of most interest to me ; inclusion doesn 't mean inclusion , quite the opposite in fact . I can see why people want to use the term . It makes us feel nice , especially when we apply it to ourselves , or stick it up on a sign or a flyer , illustrated by smiling , cartoon children . We are morally in the right , in a right on kind of way . It is not quite the opposite of exclusive , which somehow means special and desirable , an honour bestowed upon the few ( like advance notice of a discount or a new season , something that pops into your inbox , glistening with the temptation to part from your hard - earned cash and be the first from the starting blocks in the fashion stakes ) , a strange sort of justification of yourself as a shopper , or a parent . Instead , to be inclusive speaks to us of welcome . There are no bouncers here , checking that you are on The List . Except , somehow , it doesn 't . Somehow , an inclusive activity has come to mean one for disabled people ( but only if you are the right kind ) . An inclusive school is the one where all the disabled children go . An inclusion unit , a space within a mainstream school , has become the place where you send someone ( those pesky disabled kids , the undeserving ones who have slippery labels they just won 't obey ) , not to keep them in , but to get them out . March 13 , 2017motherhood , TeachingChildren , Down 's Syndrome , Inclusion , Mainstream Education , motherhood , Teacher , Teachingnancy Did you ever read the books about the First World War by Pat Barker ? ( Yes , I know one of them is missing - someone , not looking at any of my relatives , must have pinched the first one . ) I did , some time ago now . I bought them when I was the kind of person who had the time to hang around in bookshops on a Saturday afternoon , browsing those big tables , piled with not - quite - skyscrapers of paperbacks , looking for something to spend my disposable income on . I haven 't read them in a while , but I remember them vividly . Whenever I have a clearout of my bookshelves ( which I do on an infrequent , but regular basis , contrary to public opinion ) I hold them in my hand , weighing up whether or not I wish to pass them on , and so far , the answer has been , ' no ' . A couple of things stand out in my memory of them . A couple of things that struck me , and have continued to strike me , over the years since I first sat dreaming , transported to a world gone by , by a skilled writer . The first is the enforced femininity of trench warfare . The endless waiting . The powerlessness of the men over their own fate . The obedience to orders they had no power to challenge . The care and concern by the officers for the men , over their wellbeing , their health , whether they had enough food , shelter or clothing . The difficulties that some men had in bending themselves to an unfamiliar state . In many ways it 's a bit like childbirth . Or traumatic childbirth , anyway . Or the bringing to life of a disabled child , of Down 's syndrome , come to that . In a sense , unless you 've been there , you don 't understand . In many ways , no matter how many of us write or speak in our attempt to make the experience about the universal , you can 't . Unless you 've been there , you don 't know what it is like ; the forced femininity of powerlessness . It 's the same with teaching . Like nursing , or the law , it 's a profession with an illusion of transparency because we 've all been in that classroom ( pretty much ) , we all ( pretty much ) send our own children there . But it is an enclosed world . Even within the sector , our differences make only some of our experiences transferrable . Our own experience overlays understanding . Unless you 'd been there , you wouldn 't know . And how easily we forget . I forgot , when I went on my ten year maternity leave , what it was like . It 's so easy to know your own child , in the early days , anyway . You watch them so closely - you have to or you fear they might die - and you forget that it 's impossible for a teacher to know them like that , to be able to adapt like that . You have your home set up to accommodate their needs , a nearby toilet , quiet spaces , freedom of choice - and you forget that when you teach , you just can 't do that . You forget , when you know them so well , that it takes time to get to know a child , and that that knowing comes from spending time with them , in context , and not on a piece of paper , for yourself , and not through someone else 's eyes . When you have a child , the responsibility can feel overwhelming . When you have a disabled child , even more so . You will be accountable to them for the rest of your life . But you forget that other form of accountability , when you work as a teacher , the one you have towards multiple children , all equally deserving , towards government , parents , inspectors , the boss . How easily you forget the never ending pile of things to do - the stack that grows by 30 every time you teach a lesson . You can see it in school leaders who merrily state in staff meetings , ' it should only take a minute ' , while the classroom staff quietly look at each other under their eyelashes and wonder who will point out that what seems so reasonable when you times it by one , is not a simple matter , when multiplied up . What seems so simple , from a distance , from the computer screen or from the office - from the home , even , when it is played out in the classroom , is , indeed , complex , and that the description of the complexity leads us into ethical dimensions that take time to work through , time to understand . When I went back to work after my long absence it was a was a wake - up call . It was a reminder that I wasn 't perfect - and neither should I , could I be , that entrenched positions of enmity never help the child . It was a reminder that , while I held responsibilities , I didn 't hold them all . I could not hold them all . Being something and nothing , a split person , a balancer along the tightrope , one of them and one of us , helps . Because when you walk in someone else 's shoes - or you put your old ones back on - you remember . December 3 , 2016TeachingChildren , Mainstream Education , Teachernancy I 've been to my first carol service already . It was last week , in fact ; an evening service of medieval simplicity on the first Sunday of advent . I wasn 't in the choir , I didn 't play the piano . I sang no parts . I sat somewhere towards the back , slightly to one side , concealed by semi - darkness , shadowed as the candles and the brightly lit choir passed by . It was peaceful . I came away refreshed ; my mind calmed and my spirit eased . Carol services and concerts haven 't always been this way . For years , I was a participant , someone with a part to learn , to perform . When I was a little child , at primary school , we spent hours ( or at least it felt like hours ) learning words off by heart . Mrs Puddicombe played the piano ( I never got used to calling her Ruth , even when I grew up and I understood that she was a friend of my mum 's ) and the rest of us , the children and the other two teachers , sang the words from the pungent purple typescript , a banda - ed copy of the traditional and modern , until we could do without . There was always ' Little Donkey ' ( plus coconut shells ) and ' The Calypso Carol ' ( wood blocks , tambourines ) . ( For some strange reason there were also always crepe paper hats ; we used to design our own and wear them for the Christmas Dinner and the Christmas Party . There was a competition , and I never won it , not once . ) When I went to secondary school , I left the hats behind and joined the choir . The carols were no longer a simple affair , in the village hall or Top Class with the tables pushed back to one end and the sliding doors opened . Now they were much more complicated , with parts ( alto , followed by various descants , I was a confused chorister , I admit ) and an orchestra . There was a sale of ' Do They Know It 's Christmas ' at the back of the church , and my dad bought one . When I was older still , I gave up the choir and concentrated on the orchestra . I learned the bass , and how to fake it when you lost your place . There was a cathedral and mulled wine ; no uniform , we were far too cool for that , but a similarity in dress brought on by arran jumpers and Doctor Marten . And then there was teaching . As one of the pianists in Key Stage Two , it fell to me , and my colleague Rose , to take it in turns to play or lead the singing . More parts , this time for recorders and triangles ; no coconuts , but ' The Calypso Carol ' too . I used to enjoy it when it was my turn to play . We used to borrow a Clavinova and set it up , just to one side of the rood screen . There I would sit , tucked away , filling the church with my choice of the empty melodies of waiting while the pews filled and the cold air warmed with the steam of subdued conversation . It was far better than conducting the singing , standing in the front , waving your arms about for all to see . That 's the thing I often think about teaching . For all our loud , strident , in charge voices , we are a quiet profession . The stage is not ours . The prizes and medals and stickers and certificates are given , not taken . The hours of practice , the preparation and planning , are not to show how clever we are , but to showcase them . Share this : TwitterFacebookGooglePinterestEmailLinkedInTumblrLike this : Like Loading . . . View all 6 comments Moonbeams , or , What Inclusion Means to Me . June 21 , 2016TeachingDown 's Syndrome , Inclusion , Inclusion ( education ) , Mainstream Education , SENDnancy I took my children swimming the other day . They have been desperate to go for a while , because , during half term , our new swimming pool finally opened . Not our personal swimming pool , you understand , we aren 't the sort of family to devote a large part of our garden to a large child drowning device , but the one that belongs to our town . It 's all shiny and sparkling and brand new , and it was the first opportunity they have had to go for a dip . We have been driving past it for weeks , wondering what it was like inside , so , when I had finally consumed my lunch ( I 'd been out , my lunch was late ) and I suggested an outing , they jumped at the chance . I particularly enjoy taking them swimming these days because , joy of joys , I don 't have to go in the water myself . There is far too much holding in of the mid - section and dodging of other people 's slowly sinking plasters for my liking at the swimming baths . They , thank heavens , have reached the age where they are allowed to take themselves into the pool and I am confident enough in them to let them . And it was very nice . Up until recently , taking them swimming had either involved a dip in the people soup myself , or a stay in a sort of cross between a sauna and an assault on the ears in the observation area . At the new pool , there is none of that . There is a pleasant seating area behind large glass doors , so it is nice and cool and nice and quiet . Perhaps fortunately , there is no reception for my phone and no data signal , so I was able to read my current Very Interesting Book in relative peace . As there was no way to the pool side from my very comfortable arm chair , I was forced ( forced , yes , forced ) to watch my children making their own way , without any help from me at all , other than the odd encouraging smile and thumbs up . The only fly in the ointment was the locker key . Usually , when I take them swimming , I sit and nod and smile , and they give me the locker keys , on their plastic wristy - ankley things , to look after , which usually involve me putting them in a pile and hoping they remember which is which . Which is fine if there is only a couple of metal bars between you and your offspring , and not so much if you are on one side of a double - glazed , floor to ceiling locked glass door and your child , the one who can 't quite manage the buckle is on the other . Only here 's the thing . When the pool opened , all the staff at the old , falling down , holes in the roof one transferred to the brand spanking new leisure centre up the road . All of my children have been swimming there , pretty much every week , during term time , with school , since they were four years old . Sam , because his school has their own mini - maxi - buses ( they are bigger than minibuses and not as big as coaches , they must have a special name ) has already been to the new pool twice , without us . When he couldn 't manage his key - buckle - thing , and he couldn 't get to me for help , the lifeguard stepped up . Now , I know that lifeguards are supposed to do this sort of thing , but experience has shown me that not everyone , despite their position , are comfortable with Down 's syndrome , or disability or difference of any sort of kind . Only last week , when we were eating out , everyone got a menu - except Sam . We handed them round and when L rather pointedly asked , ' where 's mine ? ' , the waiter hurried off to fetch another , embarrassed and unsure . Sometimes I think that I deliberately ignore the stares and uncomfortable glances . That I have become so used to a defensive mode of being that it has become a way of life . Until there really are funny looks , and then I know that I wasn 't pretending after all . Most times , especially at home , it 's fine . It 's really fine . Sam knows people , and people know Sam . When Sam is in trouble , when he can 't manage his key , or he needs help with his locker , or coming to terms with the fact that public swimming has finished for the day , there are other people , other people who aren 't me or his dad , who can help . He is included . Inclusion is a funny thing . It 's like a shadow . You know it 's there , following you along , but , when you want to , you can 't seem to grasp it . You can reach out , touch the things it touches , feel its effect , but it isn 't the sort of thing you can pick up in your hands and examine . It doesn 't work like that . Unlike shadows or rainbows , there isn 't a set recipe , or defined set of instructions and BOOM , there it is , sitting in your hand ; instead it , like the shadow and the rainbow , slips further away with each attempt to capture it . You only really know it when you see it , when you feel it . I used to think that for Sam to be included he needed to go to his local mainstream school . I broke my heart for years , worrying about where he would go to secondary school . I worried about it until the moment I stepped through the doors of the special school and I realised that here was a place where Sam could belong , where he could be included . You see , I didn 't understand about the process of ' othering ' . I didn 't know that the practices that no one thought to question , not really , not enough to change , because they can 't be changed really , can they ? he can 't keep up , he isn 't the same , would make Sam feel as different as others felt about him . I thought that putting Sam in the mainstream would be enough . I didn 't realise that , in the million subtle ways that a person or a child can be excluded from the group they find themselves in , there are an equal number of bringing someone in . But here 's the thing . I don 't exist , in an inclusive fashion , if you like , only in the world of the school . As Sam 's mother , I see inclusion reaching far beyond the school gate . I , and he , straddle two , three worlds , and as we move between them , my son and I , I see how they impact upon each other . Inclusive education is important . It 's a game changer for many , many children and for many , many adults . It does not sit purely in the world of the mainstream school . It isn 't something that is fixed , in one place , or in one way , the same way for each child . It 's a moonbeam . It is no more fixed than the wave upon the sand . Site TitleAbby King WritesHere is the world . Beautiful and terrible things will happen . Don 't be afraid . ~ Fredrick Buechnerkevenbartle 's BlogI want a life that 's bigger than me ! [ misliterature ] The Baxters Go EastThe story of Ava - Jane and her family - updated to a travelblog for our trip to BudapestBeing Brave ! a first time headteachers blog . Always Learning ! I 'll probably talk about children 's books at some point as well . tenpencemoreEducation from all directionslauren smith - donohoeIt Must Be MumA Site for Resources and Reflections That May Help Those Navigating Aspects of the World of ' Special Education Needs ' Vince UlamFuture Proof Your ChildA great WordPress . com sitebennewmarkHead of Humanities , ex - VSO and Teacher of History . Left wing politically , conservative pedagogically . Mr FinchA modern business themeHeadteachers ' RoundtablePutting children 's learning at the centre of educational debateMummy Times Twomarymyattsblogthings I notice in schoolslenabellinaMusings and ramblings about life , education and wellbeing . piclinegirldotcom . wordpress . com / Corinne Campbellthoughts about education , life and other thingsDifferentiation Is EasyDifferentiation is easy , it doesn 't have to be time consuming . It can even be fun ! This blog contains easy ways to differentiate effectively in today 's secondary classrooms . We aren 't clones , so let 's use our differences and those of our students to our advantage . How do we know ? Discussions on teaching and learning in the UK and the World .
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As I was coming to the end of " Through Painted Deserts " by Don Miller , I remembered a book I got for Christmas that I thought would be a good read after I finished Painted Deserts . That was about a week ago , and I 'm now on like chapter three of " Do Hard Things " by Alex and Brett Harris . That phrase " Do hard things " has been pounding on even before I began reading . " To Save a Life " ( great film , go see it ) was the movie I saw two Fridays ago that began this " do hard things " annoyance . Yeah , I really do mean annoyance . That phrase has been popping up in my mind multiple times a day , and so far I haven 't given in . I haven 't done anything hard . But it 's starting to get harder to resist . In all actuality , some things that I thought were hard before aren 't really turning out to look so hard . For instance , I 'm really bothered when I see somebody eating lunch in the dining hall alone . Maybe it 's because I know what it 's like to be lonely , it feels terrible , and I don 't really want other people to have to experience it . Every single time I eat here , I find somebody who 's eating alone . Not because I 'm looking for them , my eyes just wander and they pop up . " Do hard things " comes to mind . Crap . Now I either have to do something that scares me ( yes , I 'm scared to go up to a random stranger and strike up a conversation ) , or I have to live with the guilt of being a pansy . Like I said , so far I 've been able to resist doing the hard things . I need prayer and encouragement to do hard things , though . It 's tough doing hard things - heck , it 's tough doing easy things ( when you 're as lazy as me ) . I 'm ready to join the rebelution , though . That which follows is the third - most addition to the instant classic " Heratio the Fox . " For more information , please press 3 . Para espanol , primera cuatro . There once was a sly fox . This sly fox was cunning and dashingly good looking , eh ? It has been one week since the bus incident , and Heratio got board . Like literally , he got a board . Of wood . From the forest that he burnt down , but some planks were left over that he rememberd he could use for certain things . PAUSE ! Please pardon the interruption , but some slight clarifications are needed to be made . Please note the fact that Heratio 's name is not pronounced " her - aye - shyo " like you probably thought . His name is pronounced " her - ASH - yo " with the emphasis on the " ASH . " Resume film . So Heratio was lumbering with his planks that he found . He thought the wood smelt good , so he thinked to himself that they might be - est pleasuring to eat , or rather , consume ( but not consummate , just consume ) . So he took a small whale - sized bit of the plank that was near - most to himself , and he began to chew it . He got a sliver inbetween A tooth and his gums , and it hurt real bad , but he knew it would be worth it to chew through the pain , cuz it tasted so good . After that all was well , at least until be preceded to swollow , at which point he got this strange discomforted look upon his face , for he was choking and he threw it all up . It was mostly just wood , from the plank that he was eating , but there was a little bit of Buffalo Wild Wings mixed in , because he ate at there earlier today ( for it was now about the 8th hour ) . Speaking of Buffalo Wild Wings , now would be an optimal time to explain Heratio 's ( remember its pronounced her - ash - yo ) terrible encounter with the ugly - betty waitress at Buffalo Wild Wings . So Heratio walked in to a Buffalo Wild Wings on the corner of 9th and 5th . You know where this is , yeah , bru , huh ? And this was one of them Buffalo Wild Wings where foxes weren 't allowed . At least , to say the least , Heratio was slightly engaged , or rather enraged . He was actually extremPosted by This is the second installment in a series of short stories . The first episode is only available on request . But Heratio 's flashback in this story is a sufficient summary of episode one of " Heratio the Fox . " Once upon a time there was a sly fox . The sly fox was also cunning and dashingly good looking . His name was Heratio . While living in the woods , like he normally did , he saw a cloud in the sky . He wondered what the cloud was made of , and he couldn 't figure it out , so he got mad . Heratio got so mad that he burned the forest down with a fireball shotgun . He burned down the forest like a mad - man . Except he was a fox , so he was more like a mad fox . A mad fox named Heratio . Then Heratio had a flashback to a time in the past where there was a wicked witch and knights who say " Ni " that he chopped up and ate and a guy named David and Shelby and the witch subdued Heratio , but only half way , so the witch decided to grant the sly fox a wish and he wished for cunning ( before this , the fox was not cunning , and this is why the fox is cunning now ) and he blew up David and Shelby with thirteen nukes and then Heratio regurgitated the knights and they were all happy . Then Heratio was done with his flashback , only to find that a cross between a Kangaroo and a Moose ( nicknamed KaMoose ( kinda like caboose ) ) that pooped on his right hind leg . So he ninja ' ed KaMoose to near death . But the Kangaroo Moose didn 't die , but he was severely injured . every finger was chopped off , all of his limbs were broken , his heart ripped out and pureed , his liver was tickeled almost to death , and his spleen became it 's own rational being and ate the neighboring appendix . The local Doctor was nearby strawberry hunting and antelope hunting and heard a Kangaroo / moose - like groan and came and put KaMoose on some machinery that kepted him alive . so KaMoose didn 't die , but he was severely injured . Running in , stage right , crying , Shelby walks in . We all thought Shelby died in the 13 - nuclear - bomb attack , but she didn 't . She was just severely injured and deformed . Posted by Got a new leather couch . Had to re - arrange the room to fit it in . Here 's what our dorm looks like . I used the webcam on my lappy . I compiled like 8 pictures to make this one perfect panoramic picture of the room . Today I was reminded , yet again , at what a complete failure I am . In my Teaching the Bible class , we had to give a teeny tiny presentation today . It was only supposed to be like a minute or two long . We had to share two sermon topics , and a verse or passage to support it , and briefly give a summary of the message . I thought to myself " Eh , no problem . I got this covered . Simple stuff . " And I actually pretty much had it all planned out in my head . Then I stand in front of my class ( which has only like 5 or 6 other students ) and my mind goes psycho . I start talking , and I cannot control the words coming out of my mouth . They are not the words I intended , and they don 't even really have anything to do with what I originally wanted to say . The whole time I 'm speaking ( seems like I was up for like an hour just babbling ) , my teacher has this just completely confused look on his face . I don 't know what my problem is . I guess I 'm still afraid of standing up and speaking in front of people , even if it 's half a dozen people . I 'm tellin you . . . what I was going to say would have just been solid . . . but instead I just got up and crapped my pants and mindlessly babbled . Winging it is not my thing yet I suppose . . . Last night I went to see " To Save a Life " with my youth group , and then we had a lock - in kinda thing after . First , I 'd like to say that I loved the movie . It was great , especially being an Independent Christian film . I thought it was a movie that people could really relate to , it was extremely relevant , had plenty of challenges and truth . The sucky part is that most people will agree with what I 've just said . . . but then in a week or two we 'll all forget about it . I hope that I don 't forget . I hope my youth group doesn 't forget . Second . . . we had that lock - in jazz goin on . Pretty fun night . I think there were around fifteen guys there at one point . We played some Wii , Xbox , Settlers of Catan , some train board game , ate pizza and chips and twizzlers and drank pop . Some of the guys stayed up only till like 1 , while others claimed to stay up all night . I went to bed at 4 . I 'm tired . But it was a blast . I enjoyed hangin with the guys and getting to know them better . May the force be with you . There has been the death of somebody near and dear to my heart . He 's been with me for around six months , and in that time I 've grown very fond of him . We 've been through good times , through bad , through thick and thin . He 's always been there when I needed him , of course except when I forgot to bring him with me . He 's been such a nourishment to my soul , hydrating me whenever I needed it most . He always brought relief to me and satiated my thirst . If you haven 't discovered it yet , I 'm talking about the Royal Mug . A gift to me from my old classmate and friend , Rachel Peterson . I 've been blessed by this gift . It has served me well these past six months , and it saddens me to say good bye . What caused this terrible death ? He looks fine in this photo , eh ? Well , there 's a crack in him . The doctors say it can 't be fixed . We 're just trying to spend as much time together before he 's gone . We 're expecting him to last through tomorrow , so the funeral will be held Sunday . If anybody would like to attend the funeral , let me know and I can give you more information . Sending cards would be appreciated as well . Sending money to help with funeral costs would be helpful as well . To the rest of the world out there , live long and prosper . I will miss you , Regal Gobblet . It 's almost been a week since I 've blogged . I 've been so busy this past week , so it 's time me and you catch up ( Ketchup , get it ? ) . For the sake of not making you read this blog for hours , and for the sake of me needing to get to my hw , I shall remain brief ! Saturday I enjoyed watching Faith play ( and win ) two basketball games . Following the second game my body was blessed by Chubbies ( perhaps the most delicious restaurant on the planet ) . I split a 12 inch deep dish pizza and a 1 lb bacon cheddar burger with Jesse . I gained at least 3 lbs from that meal . Sunday I went to OCB with the Gerlach 's for breakfast , and then joined them at their church . Then Faith had another basketball game Sunday , which I believe she won . Sunday night I had yg . After yg the students decided they wanted to go to applebee 's because they didnt ' have school the next day . Man was it wicked having like 25 hyper high school students there . I 'm sure the staff there hated us . We made sure to not tell them we were a church group , or which church we were from . I know they made a wicked tip , though . Probably around 60 or 80 bucks at least . Monday . In the morning Jeremy and I went to the Childers ' house to pick up their leather sofa , for we planned to take it to school . It was a beast to carry . Then Jeremy and I joined just over a dozen people from BT to go skiing at Wilmot Mountain . We started skiing around 4 : 15 and went till about 10 : 30 , with a break or two in there for food and stuff . Man was that a blast . I had such a great time . David hurt his shoulder , but other than that I don 't think anybody in our group was injured . I did fall going off a jump , but I didn 't get hurt . I want to go skiing again soon . I wish it wasn 't so expensive . We got home around 1130 and Jeremy and I had to head down to school , because we had class the next morning . We got to school around 1am . We had the couch with us . We live on the third floor . Need I say more ? Tuesday . I slept till I had class at 1050 . Then after my two classes , I joined Craig , who was visiting Ben and JuPosted by I have a plan to memorize the book of Galatians , and I have two friends who are joining me . We are just going straight through verse by verse . We 're on verse 5 right now . We 've been giving ourselves 3 days to memorize the verse , but it just seems too easy . We 're gonna bump it up to two days per verse . There 's 145 verses in the book , so looks like we 'll be finishing around November , unless we bump it up to a verse a day , which we may do sometime soon . I really love the book of Galatians . Thats my good news . My bad news is that I also have a read - through - the - bible - in - a - year plan . That 's not going well . Today I 'm supposed to have up through Leviticus 7 in the OT and Matthew 27 finished . I 'm at Genesis 27 and Matthew 7 . I 'm about a week behind . Also , this semester I 've got 4 bible classes and 1 music class . I really have no desire to take Gen Eds at all . I just want Bible classes . That 's it . I don 't want to pay freakin 900 bucks to take a math class or a science class . I just want de Bible . You know ? Today I got a chance to watch the sunset from my room . This pic is from my camera phone , so that 's why it 's so crappy . But it looked amazing tonight . At one point I got this picture in my mind , it seemed unusually real . As I looked at the sun , off to the right I could see God 's face , and extending out towards the Sun and Earth were his arms extending , holding them both up . Then He looked down at me , smiled , and thought " All these people running around , too busy to notice . But this one here , he 's enjoying this beautiful sunset I painted today . " It felt so unusually good to just stop and stand there and watch the sunset with no agenda . There was nothing I needed to do that moment but enjoy the beauty of the sunset . Got my books all ordered for class . Full price for all the books brand new ( not including shipping ) : 379 . 72 . The amount I paid for all of them , including shipping : 125 . 40 . Makes me feel good to know I 've saved myself 254 . 32 . The classes I 'm taking are : OT Poetic Books , Pauling Epistles , Calvinism vs . Arminianism , Teaching the Bible , Survey of World Music , and Teaching OT creatively . Total credit hours : 16 . Number of hours I 'll probably spend doing hw : 60 . It 's gonna be a fun semester . I had the honor of slappin de bass this Sunday for church . I really enjoy playing bass , but I 'd love to be able to play guitar and drums here and there . Last time I lead worship with a guitar was last summer . I miss it . But this past Sunday was great . I don 't remember which song it was , but I was just in the zone . The congregation just faded out , and I was just jammin . I loved it . It 's great worshipping God . Yesterday I had the honor of driving to Rachel 's house , picking up Drew and Clair along the way . We had a big fire there , ate some delicious pizza ( thanks , Rachel , you 're a great cook ) , and hung out at Luke 's for a while . It was quite enjoyable , being able to hang out with those guys . Always brings back memories of camp . The part that sucked : spending 50 bucks in gas ( I had to drive our big van because Jeremy had my truck ) . I was not ready to spend that much money on gas , and it sure hit me hard . I 've officially got $ 6 to get me through till this Friday . I 'm low on gas right now ( got around 50 miles left ) and I have one trip to Grayslake and back here tonite , a trip to work at school tomorrow , and then a trip to move back in to school Tuesday . Convenient . Got to go to Faith 's first basketball game this morning . It was a great first game for them . I bet they 'll have a good season . I think Faith had a fun time playing too . Just finished chapter three of Through Painted Deserts . I love this book and I hate it . Reading it just brings forth all these different emotions . This chapter tended to focus on what these two guys wanted in girls , in a wife . Bummed that I don 't know of any girls interested in me . Excited to actually get married some day . I feel sorry . . . for the girl that ends up with me . You may not think so , ( maybe you do . . . ) but I 'm one messed up guy . I feel grateful because I know God will find a girl who loves me regardless of my shortcomings . I feel jealous of Donald Miller and the guy he 's on the road trip with , because I want to do what he 's doing ( in the book ) . And that 's just the tip of the iceberg , the icing on the cake . But drinking this Ruby Red Sierra Mist makes me feel all warm and tingly inside ! Sometimes I just get a small desire to watch stuff burn . So last night in the snow , Adam and I had a fire . It was quite pleasant . It was a bit windier than we expected , so that was a little bit unpleasant . But we had Twizlers and popcorn and Ruby Red grapefruit Sierra Mist . My new favorite drink is Ruby Red Sierra Mist . It is insanely delicious . I could drink one hundred cans a day for the rest of my life and it would still be my favorite drink . I got a ton of sweet drifting in from all the snow we got . I wouldn 't complain at all if it snowed like that every day all winter . That 's right . I went bowling again today . Pretty cheap again too . I wasn 't doing that great , but somehow I beat my record and made a new one of 136 . I know . I 'm practically professional . . . or not . But I had fun again ! Got to go with Jeremy , Jesse , Faith , and mi padre . We played like 7 games , got curly fries , pizza , and pop . Also , got some sweet drifting in with Jesse . Probably going to go again later tonite with Adam . Gonna have a fire in the back yard tonite too . This is pretty much the best snow day ever ! I woke up this morning hoping for a foot of snow on the ground , but only finding like 3 or 4 inches . Major disappointment . I was going to head down to Trinity today to work , but both my parents think it would be foolish to do so , so even though I 'd go , I 'll take their advice and stay home . Anyways , I 'd rather not crash my truck right now . I 'm still happy we got more snow . Now there will definitely be enough to go sledding this weekend . Who 's in ? Reading through Genesis . . . 5 Then the Lord took Abram outside and said to him , " Look up into the sky and count the stars if you can . That 's how many descendants you will have ! " 6 And Abram believed the Lord , and the Lord counted him as righteous because of his faith . Gen 15 : 5 - 6 ( NLT ) Abram believed the Lord . Abram was righteous because of his faith . But later , Abram goes out of God 's will when he gets impatient . Abram believes . But he does his own thing anyways . What the heck ? That 's just jacked up . Jacked up that God still blessed Abram regardless of his actions . Jacked up that we do the same thing Abram did , and God still blesses us . How can God not get tired of blessing people who disrespect ? Last night I got a chance to go bowling with Adam , Jeremy , and some of Jeremy 's friends . Including shoe rental and 4 games , it cost just over 4 bucks . What a deal . You can 't really beat that . I had a great time too . I 'm not the best at bowling . I got like 108 the first game , about 20 more the second game . Then after that I 'm not sure . One game we put the bumpers up and the rule was you had to hit the bumper at least once , otherwise it counted as zero . It was pretty fun . When we there , the aroma of the french fries from the grill were overwhelming . It was so hard to resist not buying them . They smelt ( that 's the new abbreviation for " smelled " ) so delicious . I resisted , while Jeremy 's friends could not . I tried one , and they weren 't good at all . I think Burger King fries are better than those ( and Burger King ranks lowest on my french fry ratings ) . And is it just me , or is it like like an unwritten rule that you 're supposed to be drinking something while you bowl ( I don 't mean alcohol , even though most people do ) . It just feels wrong bowling without something to drink . Like bowling is an energy sucking sport that dehydrates you after each time you throw the ball . They should just put drinking fountains right at the ball return so you can take a sip and bowl , and take another sip so you don 't get dehydrated . Anyways , after that Jeremy and I went over to Adam 's house and watch a Christ Farley movie . Don 't remember what it was called . It wasn 't Tommy Boy , though . I 've seen it before , and it was decently funny . But watching it last night made me realize how not funny David Spade is . I hear we 're supposed to get 6 - 10 inches of snow tomorrow . I don 't think I could type a smilie face big enough to convey how happy I am about that . But I will try . . . . . O . . . . O . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . \ ______ / Eh . I tried . Just know that I 'm excited for the snow . I am going to drift for hours . Get it ? Got my truck back yesterday . They replaced my engine temperature gauge , a wire that connects my engine to my ignition , my catalytic converter , and my muffler . Ended up being close to 600 bucks . Then I was finna go to Adams house and before I left my house , it over heated . So they didn 't fix the problem we originally brought it in for . So I brought it back this morning and we got it back this afternoon some time . I haven 't driven it yet , but I 'm about to go bowling , so we 'll see if it works . I rearranged my living room ( or as some strange person would say " my parents ' living room ) today . It 's a pretty delicious set up . I 'll post a pic of it later , gater . I also ran the wires for our surround sound under the floor so they 're completely hidden . I 'm awesome , I know . Hopefully I can finish the work I 'm doing in my basement before I have to go back to school . Know what I 'm sayin ? Tomorrow is the Gathering at BT . Ealier this weekend Jesse asked me to do sound for them . I agreed , didn 't sound like it 'd be too much work . I found out that they had practice today from right after church till 4 . I was not happy about that . They ended up practicing till like 230 or 3 maybe . Then I found out tomorrow they want us at church at 3 . And it doesn 't start till 630 . So I 'm gonna be at church from 3 till like 830 . . . maybe 9 . I 'm not really happy about that . I was just thinking about that and realized I 've got such a crappy attitude about it . I 'm participating in a big worship night . I should feel privileged and honored to be able to help . I get to give 6 hours of tomorrow to God . I 'm lucky . My ma was washing dishes and there was no water pressure . She discovered my dad was showering . But he said the water pressure in there was low too . Nothing else in the house was using water . My dad said a water pipe probably busted down the road or something . A few hours later I spotted a van with an orange flashing light . Jeremy and I scootered down there to check it out . Sure enough there was a lake out there . Water was just gushing out of somebody 's lawn . I didn 't wear gloves . My hands just about froze off . But it was cool seeing a man - made / natural ice rink being made in somebody 's front lawn and on the street . Spending some time playing the Wii with my siblings . I really enjoy playing Wii . We 're doing some Wii golf right now . I 'm a pro . Seriously . I 've got skills . Just wish I could golf in real life this well . At least I 'm a pro at Disc Golf in real life . Speaking of Disc Golf , I just went on Friday . In the snow . And - 1 , 000 degree winter air . It was a blast . I did really well until the last few holes . I hate the transition from when I end one book to starting the next one . I just finished Blue Like Jazz . It was weird because I thought it really wasn 't that great of a book , but I 'm really sad to be done reading it . I moved on to Donald Miller 's other book Through Painted Deserts . This book has grabbed ahold of me from the first paragraph . I finished the first chapter and I just don 't want to set it down . It makes me want to get up and go do something . He 's just on the road for fun , pretty much aimless . I have always wanted to do that , this makes me so jealous of him ! So today , to get started on my adventure . . . I sit at church doing sound for 4 hours for the Gathering practice .
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Category Archives : Family Where you can find all posts with the tag , " family " . 4Nov2015 How To Throw A Cheap ( But Beautiful ) Wedding ! Posted in Family , Friends , Love , Other by sarahkateeee These last few months I have been trying desperately to help my sister make a cheap , gorgeous wedding . She doesn 't make enough to pay for such lavish things . I have searched and searched and I think I 've came up with a decent list of things to do to make a wedding sweet yet affordable . Remember to stick to your budget when getting your dress ! My sister was very , very adamant about not spending more than $ 100 on a dress . She didn 't care where it came from as long as it looked nice and the price tag didn 't make her cringe . Granted my sister 's best friend helped her get an elegant , simple dress , the fact remains that you should never go out of your budget just to get a dress . Yes , dresses can cost the most , but if you are lucky you can find a rather nice deal for one somewhere , or if you 're lucky enough you can have a talented friend / family member make your dress for you ! Have a pitch - in dinner . I have always loved pitch - ins . So many people bringing their specialties together makes me eager to try them all out ! For my sister 's wedding my mother and I decided to make all the food . Few guests said they 'd like to bring a dish or two , and that really is helpful in the long run . If you request people to bring dishes to your wedding , make sure to put it in a very nice way in the invites so they know that it would be greatly appreciated . Buy what you need when you have the money . There seems to be a million things you need for a wedding now - a - days . I know from planning my sister 's wedding , and my own to boot , that there will never , EVER , be a time where you 'll have all the money you need for everything you need . With that being said , you need to buy the most important things with what money you do have . Let 's say you have your dress but still need a veil and floral arrangements . What do you choose ? What item is most important to you ? Can you wait to buy either of those things ? Figure out what you feel should come first and if you have the money at that point in time , then get it . If you don 't , put that thing as the next thing you 'll get and get the next item you deem important . Overpriced invites don 't matter in the long run . This is something my fiance really opened my eyes to . While stressing over what kind of wedding invites we should get , Kyle looked me straight in the eyes and said , " What does it matter if they are most likely going to throw the invitations away after they read them ? " . At first I was mad that he acted like this microscopic detail in the whole of our wedding didn 't mean much to him but after thinking about it , I realized he was right . Why waste nearly a hundred dollars on invitations that no one would really notice ? I decided that making homemade ones with cheap , beautiful designs would be a much easier solution . Heck , my sister just invited everyone on Facebook and called it a day ! Simple is beautiful . Seriously . Some people hate simple things because they associate simple with boring or ugly . Why is that ? Probably because they tend to think simple can 't be elegant or whatever else they want it to be . Simple is the best way to go when trying to buckle down for a cheap wedding . There are beautiful , easy DIY projects you can search for on Pinterest that are simple AND elegant . My sister 's wedding was extremely simple . She had three tables for food and utensils , and everyone just sat around her house eating for the reception and talking . Things were simple and nice . It was much better than I had originally expected it to be . Flower Girls / Boys are not required . I hate the notion that you MUST have a flower girl for your wedding . Some people are even against having a boy do the flower throwing because it 's " too girly " . Really ? ! I was very agitated with the thought of people judging me if I were to use my son as a flower thrower so I just ditched the whole thing all together . It is not going to make much of a difference if you step on flower petals or not . In the long run it might just save you a few bucks and , honestly , who will even miss it ? Officiants are also not required . Some people , like me and Kyle , are a bit religious so we plan to have an officiant at our wedding . Some people are not religious and feel as though an officiant is not necessary . Depending on your religious beliefs , or lack thereof , an officiant is not something you really have to have at the wedding . Yes , you 'll need someone to pretty much be an officiant in a way in order to legally marry the both of you , but it does not really have to be someone of a religious background . Hair and makeup can be done with your own inventory . I have been really on the fence about this one . I have seen the prices for hair / makeup artists and it has left me flabbergasted . I did my sister 's hair for her wedding ( she did her own makeup ) but I don 't want just mediocre hair at mine . If you are really on a tight budget , then doing your own hair and makeup can be a real money saver . A lot of people charge anywhere between $ 100 - $ 300 and up just to do your makeup and your hair and that 's usually not including the travelling fee . If you 're lucky , you 'll have a friend or family member who has a great knack for hair and makeup . If you 're good enough yourself , you can do your own as well ! You really don 't need so many guests . When I first started writing out the guest list for my wedding I thought to myself , " Would this person be upset if I didn 't invite them ? Would this person even show up ? " . That 's when I realized that if I can 't know for sure if they 'd actually want to be there then there is no reason in inviting them . Sometimes people get offended when they 're not invited to a wedding because they feel as though they weren 't even thought of when the list was being created . If you have a very long list of family and friends who want to be included but you know you can 't have them all attend , then let them know in a nice way why there is just no possible way to have everyone come at once . You could , perhaps , throw a party at a later date for all the people that you couldn 't have show up to the wedding due to maximum capacity being reached . Cakes don 't have to be perfect . The cake . It 's like the staple of most people 's weddings . Some people go traditional and have a cake , some have only cupcakes or cookies , and others have a mix of both . I will tell you right now , unless you plan to get a cheap $ 20 . 00 grocery store sheet cake and a bunch of cheap cupcakes to go with it , then this will be costly ( though not as costly as , say , a wedding dress ) . My sister had a sheet cake for her wedding that they put a topper on and it looked really nice . It didn 't matter to anyone what it looked like because all anyone cared about was eating it . cheap weddings , tips for a cheaper wedding , weddings on a budget Leave a comment Imagine a younger you , maybe 12 - 15 . Now think of all the things you have learned since you were that age . Yeah , you made some mistakes along the way , but everyone does . Some mistakes might have been much bigger than others , but people can change . Now imagine if you hadn 't had learned what you did from these mistakes . Imagine the type of life you could have been leading right now . Different , isn 't it ? What I want you to do is write a letter to your younger self and what you would have wished someone would have told you at that age . I 'll start off with my own letter to myself . Though you may think that you 'll never be pretty like the other girls at school , or that boys don 't like you because you 're not good enough , I 'm here to say that you 're wrong . Boys will be boys . Just because you don 't appeal to them now doesn 't mean there won 't be anyone in the future that will value you more than you thought possible . Don 't worry about what boys think , but instead find yourself some friends that won 't turn around and back stab you ( seriously , your " best friend " is not really your best friend ) . Being the prettiest or the most popular has no meaning after school . Once you 're an adult you 'll find your own style and your own way of doing things that will make you stand out from the crowd . You will never question whether anyone but your significant other likes your outfit or not . 9Feb2015 The Advice I Never Received Posted in Family , Friends , Love , Other by sarahkateeee When I was in my Senior year of high school , I went through quite a lot of b . s . that I shouldn 't have . I got pregnant the second semester of my last year and I felt like my life was ruined . There were aspects in every part of the situation that I feel other girls should know and be prepared for in case they are to have this happen to them . My son 's father , when I first met him , seemed to be an ordinary , nice guy . During our whole relationship I learned that not only was he good at lying , he was not nice at all . If you ever get with someone make sure to find out what they are all about ! 2 . Don 't believe the lies . My ex tried to tell me that he couldn 't use condoms because they didn 't fit . It was my first time EVER and I made the mistake in trusting him . Don 't be stupid like me . If he says it won 't fit then snap back with , " If it doesn 't fit in that , it won 't fit in me . " And then walk away as fast as you can . Or run . Either way , get out of there ! When I had gotten pregnant , I went with my ex and told his mother to her face . I felt it would be best to be an adult about these things . Now here is where this advice can go for anyone , whether you are a same sex couple or an opposite sex couple . His mother looked me in the eyes one day while we were at her house eating dinner and told me that I had to move in with her and change everything . She told me which doctor I was going to go to and where I was going to live . I was furious and when I finally went home I told my mother that she expected me to leave everything behind and I cried . I don 't care who you are or what your situation is , if someone tells you to give up everything and do what they say , don 't ! His mother tried to get me to move away from everyone and everything I knew because they wanted to control not only my life , but my child 's life as well . 4 . Never ignore your gut . This should be an easy thing to remember for anyone who 's went through a lot of teenage heartbreak in their short lives . Thankfully , this is one of the few things I kind of listened to , though it was much too late when I found everything out . I had a strong feeling something was wrong for a long time during my relationship , but I ignored it at first . It wasn 't until after I was near my 4th month of pregnancy that I found out that my boyfriend was cheating on me with more than one girl and hitting on some of my friends . I confronted him about it when my friend warned me what he was sending her , and he lied right to my face . He also lied to me about his best friend hating me , and I think that was because he was afraid that his friend would give away his secret . Thankfully his friend decided once he found out for sure to tell me what was going on . I was devastated , but I got over it . I was never told any good advice , and I went in that relationship happy and came out not trusting many people . I lost a lot of friendships over one guy and I feel like others should understand what I went through and try to stay away from people like my ex . He is a very violent guy and I was lucky to never have him hurt me or my child , but others are not that lucky and I think that if they were to feel as though someone cared , maybe they wouldn 't make the mistake of getting into a bad relationship . Below you can find some links to good websites that offer advice , numbers to call for help , etc . DON ' T BE AFRAID TO REACH OUT TO SOMEONE ! Note : If you have any other websites I should add , please feel free to comment and I 'll add them when I get on again . Thank you ! This could help so many ! 5Jan2015 The Longest 3 Months Posted in Family , Friends , Love , Other , Toddler by sarahkateeee The last three months have been both a bit scary and sad . My fiance 's best friend died and we have been struggling with all the things surrounding his death to figure out what is truth and what is rumor . I won 't go into detail , but I would like to say a final farewell to him . He was a good guy that never disrespected me or my tight leash I sometimes have on Kyle . He always knew how to make us laugh and though some of the aspects of what happened are really terrible , we will still love him for the man he had been before this tragic problem . In the last three months , I have also been finding more health problems with myself and I can 't figure out what is wrong with me . Despite it all I 've been trying to stay positive . I hate that no matter what I do I seem to keep gaining weight and then losing some . It 's confusing for my body and I hate it . I have been exploring ways to improve myself even though I hate that I can 't change some of the things that are causing me to be upset . I am glad to say that I gave my son a small , but extremely nice , birthday and Christmas . His birthday is in October , so I usually give him maybe one present so he can have better things for Christmas . I read about some parents giving their kids ( they are the same age as my child ) over 14 presents . Most of these presents are the really expensive things that they don 't need . Why ? Maybe to make up for lack of love ? I don 't know . Maybe they just like spoiling their kid . No shame in that , but I think my small Christmas with small gifts are what keep my son a nice person . 20Jul2014 Where do I start ? Posted in Family , Other by sarahkateeee I have thought a lot lately about what I want my life to be . I want a nice house , a reason to get dressed up everyday , and a secure future for my son . I have never had a job . When I was in high school , I would put in loads of applications and no one would call me back . I think it was because I had no experience . How was I to get experience if I couldn 't get a stupid job ? That was partly the reason I never had money to go out with friends when they asked me to . I feel like my life is in a rut and I am slowly suffocating to death in it . What will help me become successful . I know that going to college won 't guarantee me a financially stable job . My fiance has a college degree and a crappy job . I am one of those people that knows they want to be at the top and wants to rise above all the hardships , but how am I to obtain this ? I thought about owning my own business , but the only thing I would like to sell I can 't create because I don 't know how to sew . It 's sad , really . I guess I feel like I will never get where I know I need to be . I came from a home that had barely any money for anything , and sometimes we would not have money for food . Though things were hard growing up sometimes , I still loved my childhood and my teen years . I had no cares . Now that I have my own son , I want to give him the life I never had . So far I have given him a much better life than I could have ever hoped to have given him . I want my son to see me succeed and grow up to go on and do great things for himself as well . 2 . Do you have any advice about what I could do to help myself get to where I want to be ? I can try as hard as I can , but that can only do me so much good . I know my son is a late bloomer in potty training , and getting his sentences together correctly , but is he really that far behind ? My step - son never talked at my son 's age , only pointed . He always wore diapers until one day he just started using the potty and started talking real sentences . I read to my son , I teach him everything that a single mother can , and yet I feel like he 's behind . My friend had a kid exactly one week after I had Zak , and he is already in preschool and doing great at everything ! THE FRUSTRATION ! 7Jun2014 It 's Been a While Posted in Family by sarahkateeee It 's been a few days ! What happened was a tree fell down onto my outer porch and took down our powerlines so I had no power until today . Lights still don 't work in some rooms , but the living room ( the room in which I blog ) is perfectly fine . Why would she say that ? Well , she has had this " friend " living with her for months and months now . He works a night shift at some job and he doesn 't do anything for her besides " help " pay a few bills every once in a while . Now when my mom has a " friend " stay , they usually don 't go away for a long time . This guy , mind you , is around my age and he is not a model citizen . I 'm not trying to say everyone is perfect , but I really don 't like him around my son . My mother never used to be this rude towards me when I would come over . I have noticed over the last almost 8 months my mother has been changing . Any time I want to come visit she acts like it 's the worst thing I 've ever asked for . When I do come over at all she makes me feel like I am not part of the family . She was angry when I told her I feel like my father is the only one who cares about seeing me . Why ? Why would it matter when she never wants me around anyway ? I can 't deny that I hate her " friend " . I call Kyle and cry on his shoulder when they say something that hurts me . I am usually such a resilient person , but I have found this last year that I am always hurt the most when my family acts like they want me to stay away .
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But that was almost a week ago now , wasn 't it ? Shouldn 't you be all good now ? Yes - and cue that intense sense of shame that I , a grown woman , am still struggling to function so many days later . It isn 't the alcohol that does me in , I wish it was - that would be so simple to fix . Don 't drink , recover fast . My alcohol hangover lasted only into the Sunday afternoon . I did an enormous amount of hours at work in the two weeks prior , more than I 've done in a long time . Organising the party was more stressful than I 'd like to admit , they always are . I don 't know if I 'll bother again . I 've got nine years before I have to start thinking about whether to have a 40th or not , maybe I 'll feel different then . Maybe I 'll be different then . It 's unlikely . I was always that kid concerned that no one would show up to her birthday party . I get very worried that I 'm not enough , not important enough that anyone will want to . Then I make mistakes like inviting the sorts of people that I want to connect with , and get crushed when they decline . I really don 't know how else to communicate with people that I 'd like to know them better , outside of work or other social groups . I don 't know how to indicate that I want to be friends , so this is my way . I invite them along and hope they 're also interested in knowing me better . And I should know better than that by now , but I don 't and all the same mistakes were made . I had a very good night in the end , and the quality of those who turned up for me was fantastic . Still , it 's just as well that I got merry enough before the end of the night to notice the absence of a few people who I 'd been very excited to party with . Because that is my other problem , I never seem to know the difference between someone accepting to be polite , and those who genuinely intend to come . They all make the same sounds and I get equally as excited . Then the moment comes and I 'm confused . Why do people do that ? Why do they make plans they don 't intend to keep ? How is it more polite to leave me hanging , than to decline ? I don 't know , but the whole affair is stressful . I know people have lives well outside of my little party , and the apologies I could understand . None of my attempts to widen my social circle were accepted , though , and every decline there felt like a slap in the face . All of these were people with whom I had discussed socialising with before . Nothing ever came of it . Nothing ever does . I go home after these discussions excited that maybe I 'll be invited out , but it never happens - I see the photos pop up on Facebook and wonder again : why do people talk like they want to make plans , and then leave me out ? So that cycle plagued me , the deep sense of insecurity that almost everyone invited was not my friend by choice , but someone who I had tagged onto through my family . That I wasn 't able to generate my own party crowd , because the people I know here in town aren 't interested in socialising with me . It 's a heavy feeling , and thankfully one that was offset by being surrounded by truly wonderful people on the day . It 's no wonder that with weeks of that , by the time the excitement died on Sunday I was destroyed . I 've been clenching my teeth a lot , my whole face aches from it . I had panic attacks more intense than any I 've had in a long time on Monday , lost my sense of time and became completely convinced that the overnight shift I 'd signed up for was next week - and it wasn 't . This I didn 't realise until it was too late , and thus began the next spiral . How was it that I could still be this confused , overwhelmed , and tired after just a birthday party ? Not just the next day , but for two days after ? I felt like an absolute failure as an adult , a failure in my menial retail jobs , and any hope I had of returning to full time professional work was now a knife that stabbed into my self esteem . Will I ever be able to do the sort of work I want to do ? I don 't hate retail , but if I 'm going to spend my life working then recovering from work , the work should be something that at least satisfies me . I have to devote my energy to work , there 's no choice there - I need to pay rent . It just seems to be the same endless cycle of the same to go home , sleep , collect enough money to pay rent , and repeat . It doesn 't make any sense to me , but my one hope is that I will find a job that is worth that sort of energy . But - if I don 't even feel like I 'm managing retail , then how ? I already got fired once this year for not coping with the demand of a professional job . I want so badly to believe I 'm capable . That I don 't have to live in this cycle forever . That I can find something that makes me feel like a success , and not a barely - scraping - by pile of shit . Right now , everything is too loud . I want to watch TV but the sound screams on the lowest volume . I went to the supermarket and came out shaking , even though I kept my sunglasses on while I was in the store . I 'm just trying to keep up here . I know it will get better , because everything was fine two weeks ago . Maybe I just got so excited about that feeling of coping that I really did just run myself straight into the ground . Even though I did far less than my sister does in an average week , here I am struggling to function . Feeling somewhere between nauseous and tears , wishing that I could just stop the world for five minutes and catch my breath . Hating myself because I can 't seem to keep up , no matter how hard I try . I do alright for a while , and then this - I hit the wall . I crash . I 'm on the outer edge of coping . Not drowning , but nor am I swimming confidently . Getting through one minute to the next , building up strength to run headlong into the next wall . That 's how I do . inshiftingcolourMarch 22 , 2017March 22 , 2017 adult aspergersadult autismanxietyaspergersautismbirthdayburn outcrashdepressionfemale aspergersfemale autismlife The dead mouse story . Central to this story is how little I can cope with dead things . Sure , not many people are great when confronted with death of any sort , but for me it lingers closer to the ' phobia ' end of the discomfort scale . Even insects , I can 't bear to touch them if they 're dead . I 'm perfectly happy to chat to a live spider ; dead spiders give me chills and a deep sense that I 'm about to be sick . This is largely why I can 't stomach meat that still contains bones , or dishes that look like the animal they once were . If it wasn 't for the fact that you can strip away the bones and identifying features and be left with a piece of meat that looks like food and not an animal , I would undoubtedly be a vegetarian . It takes everything I 've got just to dispose of chicken bones . When I moved into my new house , the silence began to bother me . I 've never lived completely on my own , so being the only one moving about and making noise was both lonely and weird . The lawns were overgrown before I got the keys and cut not long before , removing any little homes creatures had made in the backyard while the house lay vacant . Which is how I came to know Giles , a mouse who took up residence in my rundown little house around the same time as I did . I didn 't name him at the time . I 've posthumously named him for the purposes of this blog in the hope a name brings empathy from readers , rather than the usual ' mouse ? Gross ! ' response . It may help you understand how I got weirdly attached to this fellow . I noticed him first when he scurried from the second bedroom , and toward the lounge room . At the time , I had no furniture to speak of , so I was sat leaning against the wall with a pillow from my bed as a cushion . My computer sprawled out on the carpet in front of me . He stopped at the entrance to the lounge , froze on the threshold between kitchen and my very unexpected presence . Our exchanges were mostly like that . Caught unexpected , staring at one another and daring the other to move first . We came to a tentative truce . There were no signs of rodents in my kitchen , no nibbles to the boxes of muesli bars , no tell - tale droppings . For so long as that remained true , and Giles 's presence did not interfere with my ability to keep a clean and healthy house , I would take no action . He was no pet , though . I didn 't encourage him to stay . I suppose that both the mouse and I lived our lives around the house , quietly hoping that if we were patient long enough the other would choose to leave . A fortnight later , I returned from work to find the edge of a bag of hot cross buns nibbled and crumbs across the bench . The next day , I purchased rat bait . My next fear became finding him on the floor , contorted in death - the thought made me feel ill - or worse , not finding him until the stench of decomposing rodent reached me from whatever crevice he had made his tomb . Every hour that I didn 't see him after that , I felt guilt ball in my stomach . Every time I saw him again , I felt relief that he wasn 't yet dead - and woe at this problem I still had to deal with . A week after placing the bait , I was putting away fresh washed cutlery when Giles stumbled across the counter . Literally stumbled , as though he were drunk . We stared at each other again , and I pondered my next move . This was a chance to try and remove him from the house properly , but how ? I started with a shopping bag . Standard , thin plastic disposable bag from a recent lot of groceries . Then , with a cup I 'd been planning to toss out anyway , I half - scooped half - flicked him into the bag and dropped the cup in alongside him . It was almost too easy . I tied the top of the bag , and stared at it . I relayed the events to a friend online , who firmly reminded me that Giles was not incapable of chewing through that thin plastic . By morning he would be out and back inside . She was right . I retrieved the bag from the front yard and contemplated my options again . A swift knock to the head would be humane , if I did it right . What if I didn 't ? What if I did it too well ? My mind 's ear played a series of sickening cracks while I imagined his tiny crushed skull inside the plastic . No . I couldn 't physically do it . I needed to make sure he couldn 't get out . I put the bag inside another bag , and tied it up . And those bags into third bag and tied that too . The plastic was not airtight , it punctured and ripped easily . I knew that from my years working in supermarkets . How many bags would be enough to ensure he was secure ? Ten ? At some point it dawned on me that he would starve to death , and this was hideously cruel of me . I dropped rat bait into one of the layers , like cyanide for a spy taken hostage . He had a quicker way out should he need it . There lay Giles II , twisted with his front claws in the air , head tilted back , and deathly still . I felt porridge rise in my mouth , shock trembling through my body , I turned away and steadied myself at the kitchen counter . I had ten minutes before I had to leave . All sorts of desperate plans came to mind . I couldn 't leave the body in the house like that , I could not walk out that door until it was somewhere that I didn 't have to look at it . I couldn 't use my computer , which sits atop the cabinet Giles II died beside . I couldn 't even cross the room to get my watch , which I wanted to wear to work . I took a tea towel from off the oven , an old one , closing my eyes to drop it on the floor around where I remembered the body being . It floated and missed the first time , so I snatched it back up and tried again , still avoiding looking properly . The second drop was a success , and now I could at least enter the room without bolts of shock and disgust zapping my system . Next , I found a bowl that I didn 't love , placing it over the raised lump beneath the tea towel . I didn 't want to feel the shape of Giles II under the fabric . I was willing to sacrifice crockery to that effect . In some of my unpacking I 'd also found a magazine that had been kept for unknown reasons and was already marked for the bin - this I used to scoop the tea towel under the bowl and lift it all without exposing Giles II . Poor Giles II , the bowl , the tea towel and the magazine all went into a plastic shopping bag , tied and into the black bin . Thankfully it 's also bin day and the truck hadn 't been yet . I scrubbed my hands and walked to work where I scrubbed my hands again , and then sanitised them with the alcohol - based gel at the register . Top Posts & Pages Did we just assume that icon 's gender ? What anxiety feels like ( for me ) , and how I survive it . ' I better talk to one of the boys . ' - - The maddening daily sexism I face from customers . Dear Pauline Hanson : Autistic children are not the flaw in our education system . On the outer edge of coping . Categories Marketing
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We don 't need no piece of paperFrom the city hallKeeping us tied and trueJoni MitchellThat was the 1970s , but it has become a sudden and urgent need among homosexuals for that piece of paper from the city hall . Oregon Gov . Ted Kulongoski and at least some of the Legislature are trying to give it to them . In November , Oregon ( Oregon ! ) passed a constitutional amendment clarifying that when we 're talking about marriage in our state , we mean one man and one woman - - and not various alternative configurations . The tally was 57 % in favor of the traditional marriage format and 43 % against . The clarification became necessary because a handful of Multnomah County ( site of Portland , Oregon 's largest city ) Commissioners met behind closed doors ( but definitely not in a smoke - filled room - - although medical marijuana is legal in this state , I have no reason to believe any of the commissioners had a prescription for it ) and decided that the phrase passed in 1969 wasn 't exactly clear about the required combinations of men and women in marriage . The issue went to the people , and the people , surprisingly , voted to maintain the traditional definition . When the Oregon Supreme Court failed to strike down the law , the governor and his allies turned to the Legislature . I 've been interested in a discussion of civil unions , because while I don 't believe two people of the same sex can be married ( a matter of definition , tradition , the fundamental structure of most multicellular animal life on this planet ) , I 'm also enough of a libertarian to consider facilitating legal documents such as inheritance , survivor benefits , joint ownership and so forth for people who are not married but living together long - term ( which would include siblings , parents and children , Platonic friends , as well as homosexual couples ) . Well , our governor opened the discussion of civil unions in Oregon by admitting that they 're a back door to gay marriage . ( I received the entire text of the speech as a press release , but it hasn 't appeared on his website , yet . If it doesnPosted by At National Review , Stanley Kurtz talks about troubling trends illustrated by Harper 's Magazine 's " The Christian Right 's War On America . " The phrase " campaign of hatred " is a strong one , and I worry about amplifying an already dangerous dynamic of recrimination on both sides of the culture wars . I don 't doubt that conservatives , Christian and otherwise , are sometimes guilty of rhetorical excess . Yet despite what we 've been told , the most extreme political rhetoric of our day is being directed against traditional Christians by the left . A man I know asked me the other day what I thought of Anne Coulter . I said I thought she was funny . He said he thought she was an enemy of society . He 's prone to exaggerated rhetoric , but he 's not the only place you hear such stuff . The New York Times , and its columnist Frank Rich , are horrified that Christians would gather in a church to discuss national issues important to them . Rich uses terms like " lynching " and " mob " and " demonization " to describe a group of people gathered to hear speakers discuss their point of view about the judicial veto in the Senate . He summarizes by recounting - - as " the closest historical antecedent of tonight 's crusade " - - a corrupt televangelist of the 1950s and 1960s . In the meantime , when the Democrats wanted to have a rally protesting the Justice Sunday rally , they met in - - a Presbyterian Church . In our time of political correctness and sensitivity , there are a handful of groups around that it 's OK to insult - - back in the ' 90s it was the Serbs ; since 2000 and possibly peaking in 2004 it was Bush and his supporters ; and , as Kurtz points out , a rising drumbeat of rhetoric against traditional and conservative Christians . No wonder Leftist Christians want to stand as far away from " fundamentalists " as possible . Someone prompted me to think of Walter Inglis Anderson this evening . The Mississippi artist , naturalist and Barrier Island pilgrim made a deep impression on me for someone whose book I ran across in a university library about 30 years ago . The book was The Horn Island Logs of Walter Inglis Anderson , and I can 't even remember what prompted me to pick it up on that distant day . He was trained as an artist and did ceramics , sculptures and WPA murals in the 1930s , married and had children . And then mental illness struck - - nervous breakdown , depression , even schizophrenia are cited as diagnoses - - it 's enough to say that he couldn 't function as an everyday " adult " in a busy world . He would row from his home in Ocean Springs , usually to Horn Island , 12 miles out , and he might spend weeks there , camping , painting on typewriter paper or in spiral notebooks , sometimes using his art to start fires . His logs tell of finding a can of beans on the beach and attributing it to a gift from Providence . During the 1965 killer storm Hurricane Betsy , he tied himself to a tree on Horn Island to watch the storm . In the meantime , his wife worked as a teacher and provided a stable home life from which to work , an outbuilding - - garage or glassed - in greenhouse - - for his studio , his wife and daughters giving up what they might have expected from life to accommodate their talented , eccentric father . When he died , he left tens of thousands of paintings in stacks and piles of notebooks in that studio , as well as his logs , with insights , poetic and profound , like this : Man begins by saying of course , before any of his senses have a chance to come to his aid with wonder and surprise . The result is that he dies , and his neighbors and friends murmur with the wind , of course ! The love of bird or shell which might have restored his life flies away , carried by the same wind which has destroyed him . The bird flies , and in that fraction of a second , man and the bird are real . He is not only king , he is man . He is not only man , he is the only man , and thPosted by Your state is thinking about protecting you again . You know that peculiar hat you got you got from Great - aunt Velma from a store in the same chain as Meier & Frank ? You know how M & F kindly accepted it as a return and issued you a $ 24 gift card , of which you 've gotten around to spending $ 20 ( or even the whole $ 20 , if you haven 't gotten around to that yet ) ? Well , Senate Bill 845 , affectionately known as " Uncle Charlie the moocher , " says that since you 're not using that $ 4 , he can keep it for you , safe from all those maurauding gift - card suckers , also known as the issuing businesses . He 'll just invest the money and collect the interest until you ask for your money back . Unless you forgot to ask to spend that $ 4 for the next three years , in which case , Oops ! , Uncle Charlie sucked it dry himself . Let 's see . This is the party that doesn 't like the anti - privacy provisions in the Patriot Act , but they 're going to keep track of the funds on all my gift cards ? They 'd have to add another department for bookkeeping alone . - - provided that the businesses didn 't simply stop issuing gift cards in the state . " It 's for the children , " is always the excuse . Thanks , Uncle Charlie . If I want to give it to the children , I 'll spend my own $ 4 on them . I like it . UPDATE : I suppose I should be more specific . It 's a statue of Albert Einstein in Washington , D . C . , and what 's striking about it is that it 's so casual . I mentioned earlier John McWhorter 's book on the dearth of formal speech . Well , this is an informal statue . In another time , we 'd have had a dignified bust of the great scientist ; more recently , we 'd have had an inscrutable mishmash that no one could have recognized without the brass plate identifying the sculpture . Now he 's recognizable , and he looks like a grandpa - - or like a child - - and he seems to be watching in indulgence and wonder the people who come to the circle and gaze at the stars . He also seems to be looking inward , as if he 's comparing the map of his own soul to the notebook on his lap ( if you click through the picture , you 'll come to a larger one ) . In no other time would the statue of the great scientist seem to invite passing children to be photographed on his lap . McWhorter laments the loss of formal speech , and I think he 's right . I also think this statue is beautiful . Can anyone tell me what this gesture means ? It looks like he 's trying to remove the front spigot cover from a fire hydrant , or maybe he 's adjusting the horizontal and vertical hold knobs on an old television set . I 'm sure that both topics are far from the matter at hand , and I 've seen the gesture before in lecturers making earnest pronouncements , but I never thought at the time about the meaning of the gesture . I 'm sure it 's clear in context , but the news story gives only the general context , and the photo caption doesn 't say , " Bishop So - and - So gestures as he describes the difficulty of getting balance and fade adjusted after his teen - agers give back the car . " Just wondering . Dear Sen . Smith - - I wrote to you a few days ago expressing my support for upholding the majority vote on judicial nominees in the U . S . Senate . I assumed that you had already decided not to allow Senate Democrats to use this anti - historical and untraditional means of blocking the judicial appointments of the elected chief executive . Now the New York Times reports that you are one of a handful of Republican Senators preparing to hand to the likes of Joe Biden , Barbara Boxer and Ted Kennedy an un - Constitutional minority veto power over judicial nominees who would certainly be passed by a majority of the Senate . Sen . Smith , I don 't know if you 're drifting leftward because you are aware of how Blue a state Oregon is , but doing this thing will alienate your base more than any other action you have ever taken in your career . I am a staunch conservative , and I simply will not vote for you again under any circumstances if you do this . On the other hand , if you have any expectations about the loyalty of the Blue State Leftists to a Republican in Name Only , you need only consider the end of the career of Sen . Bob Packwood , who after nearly 30 years of unbroken loyalty to the abortion lobby was pitched out on his ear over actions that would be covered over and forgotten in a Democrat . I don 't think you 're guilty of Packwood 's failings , but as the Bolton hearings show , a man can be blasted into oblivion for putting his hands on his hips and huffing . And everybody has huffed on occasion . The word is getting out to the party base that this is not about the legislative veto , and Mr . Smith hasn 't been in Washington in decades . Fix the rules , please , and let the Democrats prove their principles by changing them back when they get into the majority . Thank you for listening . I know that Christ prayed that " all would be one , " but I get chills when I hear " unifiying " statements like this one from Cardinal Ratzinger . Rome must not require more from the East with respect to the doctrine of primacy than had been formulated and was lived in the first millennium . When the Patriarch Athenagoras , on July 25 , 1967 , on the occasion of the Pope 's visit to Phanar , designated him as the successor of St . Peter , as the most esteemed among us , as one also presides in charity , this great Church leader was expressing the essential content of the doctrine of primacy as it was known in the first millennium . Rome need not ask for more . Reunion could take place in this context if , on the one hand , the East would cease to oppose as heretical the developments that took place in the West in the second millennium and would accept the Catholic Church as legitimate and orthodox in the form she had acquired in the course of that development , while , on the other hand , the West would recognize the Church of the East as orthodox and legitimate in the form she has always had . So what 's the big deal ? Isn 't he giving in on papal primacy ? I 'm sure that in the depths of his heart , he 's making all the allowances he can . But notice the directions : East and West : . . . the West would recognize the Church of the East as orthodox and legitimate in the form she has always hadThat means Russia can still be Russia and Greece Greece and Romania Romania . But - - the East would cease to oppose as heretical the developments that took place in the West in the second millennium and would accept the Catholic Church as legitimate and orthodox in the form she had acquired in the course of that developmentMy little parish with its 100 or so families and its married priest and its Orthodox hymnography would be folded into the local archdiocese . And rather than influencing the worldview of that great and large body , its worldview would disappear . The building could probably keep its iconography , as a tribute to its " rich history , " and if it rePosted by I just got a copy of a transcribed meeing between from the producer of the television " religious drama " Revelations and the directors , dated Nov . 4 , 2004 : PRODUCER : The network boys say that people in the audience want " values . " DIRECTOR : " Values " ? What kind of " values " ? PRODUCER : They didn 't say . They thought I 'd know what they were talking about and they were in no mood to explain . Something about the election . DIRECTOR : Republican values ? PRODUCER : Nah . That can 't be it . Religious values . That 's what it was . Christian values . DIRECTOR : Christian values ? You mean like handling snakes and killing abortionists ? PRODUCER : No . Been there , done that , pissed off the Christians . That 's not what we want to do this time . DIRECTOR : So what kind of stuff do Christians like ? PRODUCER : That 's why I called this meeting , for God 's sake . I don 't know any Christians . Do you ? DIRECTOR : My parents ' neighbors in Omaha go to church . PRODUCER : Good . Now we 're getting somewhere . What do they like ? DIRECTOR : Oh , you know . The Left Behind crap . PRODUCER : Don 't call it crap . We 're trying to make nice here . ( noting ) Left Behind crap ( erasing ) . OK . Books . That 's a good place to start . What other books are Christians reading ? DIRECTOR : Well , the Da Vinci Code is all about Catholicism and that 's selling like lattes in Seattle . PRODUCER ( noting ) : Da Vinci Code , Catholicism . OK . Let 's see what we 've got so far : end of the world , Catholics , puzzles . Where can we go from here ? DIRECTOR : I 've got it . It 's almost the end of the world . And there 's this nun - - that 's your Catholic angle - - and a physicist who doesn 't believe in God just yet - - that 's your values angle - - and there are all kinds of signs that they go chasing around the world after . PRODUCER : Good . Good . Let 's run with this . Isn 't there a book in the Bible called Revelations ? DIRECTOR : Yeah . PRODUCER : That 'll be our title . DIRECTOR : Oh , oh . It was written on the island of Patmos off the coast of Turkey . PRODUCER ( looks at him in awe ) : Where do you get this stuff ? DIRECTOR : I just remembered somebody sayinPosted by The blue boat of a car came onto the freeway in the morning traffic and slipped in between two trucks . I was in the center lane , and although the left lane was clear , I was not traveling as fast as the cars that had been coming up in that lane all morning . I stayed put . A few carlengths ahead , the blue car put on its left blinker , then turned it off . I thought the driver had seen me coming and decided to wait . As I came into the car 's blind spot , it started coming into the middle lane . I swerved left , missed her , and honked . Even though I could have prevented it by moving left earlier , I muttered , " You 're supposed to look before changing lanes . " A mile or so later I 'm still in the middle lane , and the boat pulls alongside me and slows to my speed . I look over , and there 's a lady driving , early 60s with big hair , and she 's waving her forefinger and mouthing the word , " Sorry . " I waved back - - all my fingers . It 's easy to forget sometimes that those inanimate objects of steel and glass and plastic are in a sense the highway avatars of real people . And then a big - haired lady comes along in a blue boat to remind you of errors and repentance and forgiveness - - all at 60 mph . Think about it . From the moment of the Fall , what do we see ? A villain who seems a prince of light ; a merciful King who must disguise himself at various times as now a beggar and now a horrible judge ; mistaken identities among lovers ; it 's all there . In the end , after all the sorrow , all the mayhem , all the confusion , the King is revealed , loves are sorted out , and there 's a great and marvelous wedding , as befits the end of a comedy . I won 't go into this any farther at this point , but trust me , the Bible tells a comic tale , and we my friends are right in the middle of it . Three girls from our town were sentenced recently for chiefing and sexually abusing another girl at an after - prom party last year . Two of them were on my daughter 's soccer team back in grade school . They are strikingly pretty , financially well - to - do girls who have never had anything denied to them . The judge was extremely angry and " nearly threw the book at the girls . " I 'm not sure which book it was - - maybe a Betty and Veronica comic book . One of the girls has been seriously grounded , at least according to her parents . The one who actually perpetrated the sexual crime had to spend the night in jail . She and the other juvenile are sentenced to 100 ( for the " badder " girl ; 80 for the " nicer " girl ) hours of community service and five years of probation . They have to write a " sincere " letter of apology to the victim ( how is that enforceable ? ) and , like , never do it again . My daughter was out driving around with a friend of hers , who is a neighbor of one of the perps . The friend is a good Christian , sweet girl , also very pretty and also never had anything denied her . They passed one of the perps and the friend waved . My daughter was outraged . She thinks there should be social consequences - - glares and coldness and certainly not smiles and " Hi ! How 's it going ? " I 'm inclined to agree . ( I 'm also inclined to envision a firing squad , but that 's probably out of proportion . ) But we 're so damned non - judgmental that we treat the perps like princesses and the victim like a traveling tinker . I used the word " arguably " in a spoken sentence yesterday , and my boss looked at me quizzically and said , " Did you just say ' arguably ' ? " Well , yes . But this isn 't really about my odd speech patterens ; rather it 's about John McWhorter 's Doing Our Own Thing : The Degradation Of Language And Music And Why We Should , Like , Care . McWhorter laments the fact that Americans have lost appreciation for the beauties of formal rhetoric . He doesn 't diss spoken language , and as a linguist , he respects the grammatical fluidities of spoken languages , as well as the rhythms and timing that arise out of a communication that comes out of the speaker unedited and goes into the hearer with no opportunity for reflection . All the same , America 's tradition of rhetorical appreciation is lost to a false idea of democracy and a rejection of formality as artificial and thus bad ( actually bad , and not good " bad " ) . And all my life I 've been trying to incorporate elements of polished speech into my daily conversation . Not that I 've succeeded - - I have been known to forget the word " potato " - - but if a four syllable word seems to fit what I 'm saying , I 'll use it . Now I understand why people have always looked at me as if I were brandishing a loaded weapon . Think how much better adjusted I 'd be if I had understood this concept in fifth or sixth grade . Well , too late now . The geek synapses are too firmly set , and the amusement I 've gotten over the years has more than paid off the exchange . But now I understand why I got those looks . It seems to me that applause during a worship service is the final step in the process of making the services a show . This is not unconnected with the innovation of the pew , which invites people to sit and watch , rather than to stand and pray . In the Scriptures , it is clear that public worship was always done either while standing , or bowing , but never while sitting . I arrived in speed building in my court reporting class last week . I had gotten to the end of Phoenix theory , theoretically having learned all I needed to record anything in the English language - - all , of course , except speed . So I went into the first speed - building class , the one where they test at 60 - 80 words per minute . You do a few practice runs at increasing speeds , take the dictation , type up your notes and hand it in . The teachers say you should always type up your notes . You can 't lose anything by it , and when you pass two tests in each of three categories at 95 % , you move on to the next speed . It had been so comfortable before . Finishing the book . Focusing on accuracy rather than speed . Doing . . . the . . . dictation . . . at . . . a . . . speed . . . like . . . this ( 30 - 40 wpm ) . Now , I 'm back at the bottom , and the dictation moves along at double the pace , though still more slowly than anyone actually speaks . There 's a guy in my class who had never turned in a test , though he 's been in the class at least a couple of months . He just never felt that he had done well enough to make it worth typing up the notes . But I , on my second day , turned in a test . Though I knew I had left some stuff out , I had nothing to lose , I thought . If I make 50 % , I told myself , that 's halfway to the next level . Tonight I got my test back . I had done the format all wrong - - and one of the school administrators came in during class to give me a packet of information I had received but had failed to memorize - - and the grader gave up less than halfway through the test . Still riding on my earlier optimism , I said to my classmates , " Less than 71 % . That 's progress . " The guy who hadn 't taken the test before seemed thoughtful . " You know where you 're starting from . " When the testing came around this evening , I knew which were the 80 tests and which were the 60 tests . It wasn 't Q & A , so I couldn 't get the format wrong . I had practiced over the weekend and noted a miniscule improvement . But when the time came to turn in the test , I had lost mPosted by To Archbishop Iakovos of the Greek Orthodox Archdiocese in America , forced out of office in 1996 by the Patriarch of Constantinople for calling a meeting of Orthodox bishops at Ligonier , aiming for Orthodox unity in the United States . The multiple Orthodox jurisdictions in America are a heresy and a scandal ; we are bedeviled by cultural misunderstandings , quirks of history , turf wars , and fears of losing American funding for strapped Old Country churches . Archbishop Iakovos acted with great courage and then accepted his punishment gracefully . I hope that his name appears prominently in the history of that search for unity . UPDATE : This column by Terry Mattingly is a good overview of the archbishop 's life and witness . Bishop Tikhon ( my bishop , if you want to know how loyal I am to the Church that glimmers like a mud - spattered diamond through time and space ) has given us another argument for his retirement : I don 't like much about our times . All this humbug about the corpse of another Pope . The world is not that much diminished by his passing . The world was , however , diminished by the passing of Ray Charles and J . Hunter Thompson . As far as the Christianity of the USA goes , it is not the Pope , but Jimmy Carter who , as the only truly devout Christian President in our time , keeps the memory of a country with Christian aspirations alive , even when its present government is busy abolishing the freedoms of its citizens , and its adherence to decency , as well as morality in government . I love the music of Ray Charles , and I think Hunter Thompson was a tragic story in the full meaning of the word , and though I think Jimmah Carter is slimy , mean and stupid , and on a short list for the worst president in American history , when he dies , I will keep my mouth shut and let those who admire him have at least 40 days of grief before I reiterate that I think he 's slimy , mean , stupid , etc . Nevski at Novae Militiae said , " Someone has suggested , in light of Vladyka 's gift of being able to offend someone somewhere every time he opens his mouth , that he should be renamed Tikhoff . " H / T : Orthodox Net . In a story datelined Myrtle Creek , Oregon , the Associated Press reports that public school districts are trying to woo homeschooled familes back into the schools . Here are the highlights : In Myrtle Point , the district is trying to phase in some courses that could prove particularly appealing to home - school parents , such as forestry , ecology and computer science . Superintendent Robert Smith said the school system is also willing to adjust the curriculum - - for example , by allowing discussion of creationism in biology class , or biblical literature in English courses . " We 're not setting up a church steeple . But students want academic freedom enough to encourage different things , and that should not be stifled by relying on exclusive treatments , " Smith said . Myrtle Point , with an enrollment of 779 , is not the only district pursuing such a strategy . In Walla Walla , Wash . , school officials have launched plans for a new learning center that they hope will attract at least 30 home - school students , to help cope with a projected $ 200 , 000 in budget cuts next school year . A school district in Fort Collins , Colo . , started a program aimed at drawing home - schooled youngsters into the system with two days a week of art , science and music . In 2003 , it earned the district an extra $ 203 , 341 in state funding . Of course it 's not enough for some familes , because the lack of enhanced subjects wasn 't why they left in the first place , and there will be others like the Myrtle Creek school board member who accused homeschooling parents of " cherry - picking " music and sports . But . If school boards are asking , " Why did they leave ? " they might learn something useful . If they 're asking , " How can we help give families the education they want for their children ? " they might find ways for everybody to gain . And the ones who seek to cooperate with families instead of trying to make them fit into some kind of mold will see the flowering of a lot of different kinds of educational experiments . My own favorite of the " experiments " is Portland 's Agia Sophia AcademyPosted by A Catholic priest from a " traditionalist " parish was keeping vigil in St . Peter 's Square with thousands of others when the announcement came that the pope was dead . To pick up the story : Within moments , a cardinal announced to the crowd that the pope had " gone home to his Father 's house . " After a moment of stunned silence , a reverent round of applause swept the plaza . " It was not the raucous clapping like you might have at music events or something like that , " the priest wrote . " It really was a prayer for the pope . " I don 't doubt his sincerity or love or loyalty , but how weird is it that smacking one 's hands together to produce a noise has become a form of prayer ? I could expect it from American Pentecostals maybe , since that faith tradition has grown up in the shadow of the American popular culture . But Catholics , and among them a " traditionalist " Catholic , in Rome ? Maybe it 's just me - - and I know I have my quirks - - but this seems to treat the pope 's life and death as a long and successful performance , rather than a life of ministry . Here 's a BBC piece on applause , from Caesar Nero to the present time . It 's all about performance , but not about prayer . She was a beautiful child , with a mass of thick , wavy , blonde hair , which she wore in a long braid . Her mother had a no - nonsense appearance - - comfortable shoes , no makeup , no jewelry , and well - made , practical clothes . There were some moms I could imagine dressed for a cocktail party , but she wasn 't one of them . One day my daughter waved good - bye with a cheery , " Bye , Jessie ! " The mother corrected her sternly : " It 's Jessica , or Jess if you must , but not Jessie . " Well , oooooookay . Eight years later , the girl is wearing dark cargo pants and a black sweatshirt , her hair pulled back in a ponytail , no makeup . She looks a lot like her mother . She is a pretty teen - ager who will be a handsome woman , but she is not at all frou - frou - - except for professionally shaped eyebrows . Superfluidity is like the Taoist ideal of wu - wei , action without action . It 's akin to what athletes call the ' zone , ' their elusive source of effortless achievement . It 's losing yourself , it 's a state of grace , it 's nirvana , the ultimate melding of thoughts , senses , abilities and actions into a perfect harmony of living . It was a crazy morning . Young - adult daughter 's car is in the shop , and we 're sharing a vehicle . I dropped her off at school , ran across town for an interview for the day job , went back to pick her up at school and leave her the car for the rest of her afternoon work . I arrived at lunchtime , and found a pretty blonde ( my daughter ) and a pretty brunette ( a schoolmate of hers ) waiting . Daughter would give schoolmate a ride home after they dropped me off at the Oregon City transit mall , but I had some intervening stops . First , the gas station , where daughter got the attendant , a goateed 20 - something , talking about the most recent time a car 's gas tank caught fire . Her friend teased her about flirting , which she insisted she wasn 't , and then pointed out as we drove away that he had gone back into the office and pulled his shirt off . Next stop , Taco Bell , where we arrived at the same time as the Oregon City High School lunch break . Three guys in a headache - mobile behind us in the drive - through started off by saying what cute girls were in the car ahead ( that would be daughter and friend ) , then hopping out of the car to " test " the volume and quality of the speakers , and then , when that didn 't work , the driver shouted , " West Linn sucks ! " I would have questioned the effectiveness of insulting the girl 's home town as a pickup line , but I guess if the speakers don 't impress her , you just go for broke . Then I stopped at the Oregon City transit mall so that I could catch a bus ( it 's good to be back on the bus ) . Daughter came around to get into the driver 's seat , and friend got out and into the passenger seat , and as I crossed the street , the slackers standing waiting for the bus asked me , " Is that your daughter ? Can I have her number ? " Ah , spring , when a young man 's heart turns to love - - and his brain turns to mush . Your womb became more spacious than the heavens . . . . She had been through a rough time , partly of her own making , and she had come home - - to the place where " if you have to go there , they have to take you in . " We took her to the emergency room to be checked out , and the doctor found something none of us had expected . During Lent in the Orthodox Church , at every Liturgy , we sing a hymn that draws out the mystery of the Incarnation : All of creation rejoices in you , O full of grace , The assembly of angels and the race of men , O sanctified temple and spiritual paradise , glory of virgins , From whom God was incarnate and became a child , our God before the ages . He made your body a throne and your womb he made more spacious than the heavens . All of creation rejoices in you , O full of grace , glory to you . They took her in for an ultrasound and found a new little person , just a few weeks along , a 3 mm . black dot against the speckled white backdrop of the screen . In the image , the blood flow to the new life appeared as yellow and orange flashes , the color of fire . My browser 's home pages is the Astronomy Picture of the Day . Every day , I see pictures of earth , Mars , distant moons , dying suns and sprouting galaxies , and often , the starry sky looks just like the image of that 3 mm . " clump of cells , " already unique , already of the same species God became , already in the grand scheme of things , Somebody . " He made . . . your womb more spacious than the heavens . . . . " Of course , it 's uniquely true of Christ and the Theotokos , His mother , but if each person is made in the image of God , then each person is a universe , bigger on the inside than on the outside , bearing the " logos , " the identifying mark of the Creator . And every womb that bears a child is more spacious than the heavens . " All of creation rejoices . . . . " My parish was one of the venues for the Valaam Ensemble , singers who support the Valaam Monastery in Russia . We only had numbers 1 , 3 and 5 in the photo above , because the other two couldn 't get visas to come to America . The tenor , baritone and bass came to the United States on business - tourism visas . The other two , because they are full - time professional musicians , would have had to get performance visas , and for that , they would have had to have an agent or to be hired at musicians ' union wages - - no free concerts in churches and colleges to share a wealth of Russian music and collect free - will offerings to rebuild a historic monastery in Russia . This is their fourth trip to the United States , and the first time they 've had this problem . Which brought to mind a recent article about an opera conductor who was arrested for bringing Eastern European musicians to put on operas in small towns in France . These towns couldn 't afford to host operas staffed by French union musicians , but this touring company , staffed with musicians from Ukraine or Bulgaria , bring great music to the towns . The conductor was arrested for violating France 's union - protection laws . Let 's just hope our State Department is as serious about keeping out terrorists as it is about outlawing renegade musicians . I 'm a yellow belt geek with a knack for software and for giving clear step - by - step instructions . I got into 10 Buck Tech as a sideline from my main site , Market Your Book , where I teach authors to use internet marketing techniques to sell their books . There some technical skills you need to do that - - a little HTML , a little FTP , a little PHP . They 're not hard , but sometimes you just need a " here 's what you do " to get you on your way . Interested ? Email 10BuckTech ( at ) gmail . com , and let 's talk .
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I ran with my group this morning and set out to do 10k . I just wasn 't feeling it . No matter how hard I tried I just couldn 't get into this run . I turned around early and ended up doing 6k . I think the weather was a huge factor . It was wet , slippery , foggy and gross . I was tired and cranky . By the time I returned to the store my crankiness was gone , but I was still tired . I 'll try running tomorrow but for today , I 'll listen to my body and be nice to me . 1 . The Grimsby Half Marathon : I ran this race before I started this blog and haven 't gotten to the race wrap up . This half was a tune up race in my 2011 Around the Bay training . It was a bit of a comedy of errors as far as races go but ended very well . I missed the start - yes the gun went off and I was 2 blocks away . By the time I got to the start I could just make out the last of the runners . I ended up passing over half the participants which probably added extra distance but boosted my confidence . Despite the messed up start and running throught 3k of snow covered vineyards I finished in 1 : 54 which is to date a half marathon PB . 2 . Around the Bay 30k : I trained with Simon for this race and ran it with Rick . This race was one of those races you dream about it felt good the whole time . I took off 30 minutes from my time the year before finishing in 2 : 50 ! This race was really fun . It was the first race my husband ran in and we finished it together . Plus you all know how much I like dressing up . 8 . Half Marathon Clinic : This was the first clinic I had taken in two years . It helped me get back into shape physically and mentally after easing up through the summer . I also met amazing people in this clinic and had a great time during my speed workouts and long runs . 9 . Personal Training Course : This course helped me realise how much I have neglected the rest of my body by only focusing on running . It has also given me a basis to give other people advice on running and working out . I still have a long way to go . . . the exam . But the course was intense and a lot of fun . 10 . Greece : Hands down or in the case of these pictures hands up the running experience of the year and maybe the decade . This race was the most amazing racing experience to date . 2011 has been a pretty remarkable year . It has been fun reflecting on these accomplishments . I 'm ready to celebrate with my family and friends . Here 's to a wonderful year and looking toward building upon these accomplishments in 2012 ! Today was the third and last day of the classroom portion of my course . We didn 't finish until 4 : 55 this afternoon . I think the whole class was hoping for an earlier finish to avoid rush hour traffic , but there was too much material to cover . Although it was a bit hard to not be home with the kids , I am happy I signed up for this training when I did . Our class was a perfect size and the instructor was great . I still have to study my butt off for the theory exam and then work on the practical portion of the exam . There is quite a bit of studying and work I have left to do . But for the next few days I will be taking it easy and enjoying time with my family . I also find it nice to reflect back on the year past and think about goals I would like to set for myself this year . Right now I am looking forward to sleeping in my own bed with my own house sounds around me . I 've had a few days of early mornings . Tuesday I was up at 4 : 30 to leave for Toronto , Wednesday I was up at 5 : 45 to make sure I had enough time to catch the subway in the morning and this morning , I woke up at 4am to maintenance staff working on a water problem until I left for class in the morning . I did complain to the staff at the front desk and they paid for my parking which was almost the cost of one night at the hotel . . . so I felt a bit better . During our stay in Toronto , it statrted to snow . The drive home was a little slow due to the weather . Gina did a great job drive and we had a little giggling fit on the way home about the way slush sounded under her tires . We both thought the sleep deprivation was getting to us . I arrived home to a winter wonderland . We will be able to go tobogganing and build a snowman tomorrow . I am also hoping to go out for a run tomorrow as well . . . time for those gortex shoes again . Well its 8 : 53 and I am ready to crash . Yesterdays early morning wake up and a full day of working out has taken its toll . Today we learned or re - learned proper techniques for weight lifting and cardio machines as well as alternate forms of exercise . It was a lot to learn and very interesting . I 've been finding myself thinking about my training and how building strength in the areas I 've neglected will help me with my running . Its tough to try to come up with a plan to take the time to build strength and fit in the training I want to do for my races . Since I 'm no allowed to post pictures in the gym I took a picture to my lunch . Thrilling I know - a veggie burger with grilled veggies from Casey 's . I would not recommend this lunch before a maximum heart rate test . . . just saying . While I was busy learning how to train people at the gym , Dan and the girls went to the Science Centre . He sent all kinds of pictures of the girls playing and learning . Whoo - cool picture . It was a great day for them . Tomorrow they are going to see Disney on Ice before heading home . I 've been up since 4 : 30 this morning and am still going relatively strong . It is only 8 : 20 so I hope I can last a bit longer . Gina picked me up this morning at 5 : 30 to head out to the city . We made great time and were at the Goodlife Fitness Centre at 7 : 20 - the class didn 't start until 8 , but its was nice not be rushed . The morning flew by , actually the whole day did . We didn 't work out but spent the entire day in the classroom . Tomorrow we will be in the gym in the morning , then back to the classroom . I 've learned a lot in just one day and am looking forward to applying everything we 've covered . After class I met up with Dan and the girls . I think I mentioned we booked a room at the Delta Chelsea through Price Line . The girls love this hotel . The rooms are on the smallish side for 4 people , but the staff is great . Like I just said , my bags are packed . The kids bags are packed and we are ready to to . Gina will be picking me up at 5 : 30 tomorrow morning . I have everything by the door . My coffee maker is set and I have two alarms set . Dan will be driving down with the girls later in the day to check into the hotel . I 'm sure they 'll have swam for at least an hour before I see them . heaven forbid anyone 's stomach should growl . I do find it much less expensive and easier to have breakfast in our room and at least a few snacks for me and definately the kids when we are travelling . The girls will be having cereal and fruit and I 'll be having Vegan Overnight Oats . I 'm not sure what will be going on in our course . We 've been told to bring our books , workout clothes and enthusiasm . Which there will be no shortage of with Gina around . I won 't be able to post any pictures from the course , but I 'll try to check in between swimming with the kids and trying not to be too tired and let you know how it goes . I love my new hooded sweater . It will be great to wear after I get back from running or before the start of a race . I 'm very excited to try out my new compression socks they really help my calves feel better while I 'm running . The gloves , hat and pants were perfect for the run I went on today to help work off my food baby I built up at brunch before making another one at dinner . But most of all Santa , thank you for my shiny new purple laptop . It will make blogging and everything else I do at home on a computer so much easier . I 'm glad you didn 't put me on the naughty list if you heard me while I was trying to post the pictures from Greece . Isn 't it crazy how we all run around in the days leading up to Christmas and then bam ! its here ? This week was really busy with Christmas parties and visits but everything was fun and I caught up with friends and was able to wish everyone a Merry Christmas . This morning I had a festive run . I didn 't get a picture of myself to post but let 's just say it involved red and green polka dot socks and a head band with candy canes . We 've had Christmas dinner in the early afternoon at my mother and father - in - laws house . With 8 kids its was Christmas mayhem which is expected and fun for the kids . We 're now back at home . The girls are staying up later than usual watching the Sound of Music and playing with their new toys . I made an appetizers to have just to tide us over until tomorrow . . . because we haven 't eaten enough today . Saute onion and mushrooms in the butter and olive oil . When then onions are soft and golden add the red pepper and cook until heated through . Unroll the pastry . Cut into 9 squares and pinch a rim around the outside of each square ( it doesn 't have to be pretty ) . Spread the goat cheese on each of the squares . Top with onion mixture . Grind pepper on top of each piece . Bake for 20 minutes or until crust is golden at 375 . Let 's be brave ! Let 's break out the juicer that 's collecting dust in the basement , crack open the veggie tray , pull out a bunch of produce before it gets gross and make something out of it . Something that is supposed to be super healthy and make us feel great . And we will drink whatever the concoction we come up with because its good for us ! Whatever . Seriously I 've never been a big juicer . It is a lot of work . It takes a lot of vegetables ( vegetables that I think I should really be eating to get all of the fiber and other important stuff vegetables give me ) to make one little glass of juice . Then after I have my little cup of juice I have to clean all of that up . . . and will all of my effort even taste good ? I 've read a lot on line about how great juicing is and I do see the reasoning behind it . All of those vegetables pulverised into that glass . Truthfully its a lot easier to go to booster juice and get them to make it . . . but if you 're feeling brave . . . and ambitious you can make them at home . I am really doing more than just baking - although today it feels like that 's all I 've been doing . Baking and visiting . But . . . . yesterday I ran . I wanted to bail - it was really cold outside . It was minus14 with the wind chill . A bunch of runners from my group were doing a 10k route that I 've ran a bazillion times and is not my favourite . And another smaller group was going around 15k . I ended up running with the 15k group . The first 5k of the run I ran on my own , and the rest I ran with Mike and Bob . It was fun , we chatted about running ( ironic ) and Mike talked about all the different races he 's ran . It didn 't feel like an hour plus long run . Today I baked a yule log for my mother - in - law 's birthday . I named it a Birthday Log . I combined a recipe for the cake with my own recipes and it turned out amazing if I can toot my own horn . I didn 't get a really good picture of this cake before everyone arrived , but take my word for it - it was delicious . This cake is really really rich so make sure you have lots of people around to help you eat it . Beat egg yolks with sugar until light yellow and they form a ribbon like texture - about 5 - 7 minutes . Stir in melted chocolate . Beat egg whites with remaining 2 tablespoons of sugar and salt until stiff peaks form . Fold chocolate mixture into egg whites . Spread on a parchment lined jelly roll pan and bake at 350 for 15 minutes . Cover cake with a damp tea towel . Carefully peel cake from parchment paper . Spread the cream cheese filling evening over the cake . Roll the cake into a jelly roll from the long side . Once rolled , place the cake on a serving tray . Ice the cake making it look like bark on a tree if you would like . Dust with icing sugar to look like snow . I have reluctantly started to read my manuals for my personal training course . I 'm not sure why I 've been putting it off . Normally I 'm all over any on line articles about fitness . Maybe its because there is a test involved and my performance anxiety is creeping up again . I made a deal with myself that if I read the first chapter and completed the on line component I would post about something fun . So my lesson is done and no - I didn 't get everything perfect . Nothing happened when I got the answer wrong by the way . I 'm not sure what I thought would happen - maybe some super fit trainer with chiseled abs would yell " WRONG ANSWER ! " at me . I actually did enjoy it and contemplated going ahead with chapter two over posting . . . but I have pretty pictures . This post has nothing to do with running . . . again . But it is about travelling . Over the past few years I have travelled a bit . Some of my trips were with my kids and some without . We decided on our first trip to buy a Christmas ornament for wherever we were . I 've read that some people think its hokey , but these decorations are some of my favourites . Every year when we decorate our tree and pull out these ornaments , they remind me of the trip I was on when I bought them . I find that I am usually reflecting on the past year during the holidays and the ornaments help remind me of the amazing vacations I 've been on . I went on this trip with my family when my girls were 15 months old and 3 years old in 2007 . It was a fun trip . We saw icebergs and toured around the island for a bit . Banff We went to Banff in 2008 . We stayed in a condo style hotel which had a great water slide and indoor playground for the kids . The scenery was beautiful , but the hotel made the trip for the kids . Our whole family went to Jamaica for my sister 's wedding in 2009 . It was beautiful . The resort we stayed at was a family resort with a great water slide and pool for the kids . The girls have been asking to go back every year . You all know about Greece this year . There were tons of ornaments being sold at all the tourist places , but I only saw this bell in two shops . I thought it was perfect for our tree . OK not quite as hip looking as I had hoped but still exciting for me nonetheless . In case you haven 't guessed I 've decided to take a personal training course . I 've been talking about signing up for this course for almost a year now . Whether I switch careers and become a personal trainer or not isn 't really on the horizon . But I am really excited about starting something new and learning ways to improve my overall fitness and knowledge . The timing of the course has meant a few changes to my overall running plans for the rest of the year . I had almost signed up for the Boxing Day Race in Hamilton , but when I was at Gina 's party , she mentioned she was going to take this course and I asked if I could tag along . The course runs from December 27 - 29th and is in Toronto so I felt I couldn 't drag my family to a race and then leave them for three days during the holidays . We are actually going to work this into a bit of a get away for the girls . We 'll be staying in the big smoke for two nights . Dan will take the girls to the ROM and an ice show while I 'm at the course and then we 'll all go swimming and hang out in the evening . Gina is staying at the same hotel and is an ' Aunt ' to my girls so they will be thrilled . I 'm really hoping that I learn techniques in this course to help balance the stress running puts on my body . I am also hoping to get strong in other areas besides my legs ( ie my upper body ) and hopefully improve my overall running skills . As the year is winding down , I 've been reflecting on my past accomplishments and missed goals and where I want to go for next year . I think I 'm going to look at this course as an early New Year 's resolution . The timing of this course has also created a bit of extra work for me during this Christmas season because I have to review the course material before the classes start . Oh well , at least I find this stuff interesting . I used to make at least 5 different types of cookies each Christmas . I would eat a ton of cookies and then package them up and take them to my co - workers , neighbours and family members . Now I make my favourites - chocolate chip shortbread , chocolate covered peanut butter balls , ginger cookies and sometimes chocolate almond bark . Typing that out , it sounds like a lot but they are all very quick cookies to make - none require rolling out or cutting . This year I decided that I would try to modify my chocolate covered peanut butter balls from basically a mixture of peanut butter and icing sugar to make them a bit more nutritionally dense . I decided to use non bake protein bars as a base . There are tons of recipes on line for protein bars . I modified mine from this recipe . http : / / ohsheglows . com / 2010 / 12 / 02 / chocolate - dipped - chocolate - chip - cookie - dough - balls / from Oh She Glows - I seem to have a cooking crush on this website lately . In a food processor , process the cashews and oatmeal until they form a fine powder . Add protein powder , peanut butter , dates , syrup , vanilla and hemp . Process again until the mixture forms a rough ball . Roll dough into bite size balls and place on a parchment lined cookie sheet . Place cookies in the freezer for at least 30 minutes . Melt chocolate chips and margarine either on the stove top or microwave , watching closely as chocolate can burn quickly . Using two forks , dip and roll the protein balls in the chocolate . Once coated , put back on cookie sheet . When finished , return to the freezer until the chocolate has set - about 30 minutes . Store protein balls in a covered container in the freezer . Follow up taste - test I do wish these were a bit more peanut buttery tasting but they are still great and I 'm happy to add a bit more protein to my diet . Maybe next time I would add less cashews and more peanut butter . I did taste the vanilla flavouring in the protein powder , but it was not over whelming . The real taste test will happen when my husband discovers these . If I still have some left in a week - either he didn 't find my hiding spot or doesn 't like them . I haven 't posted any race recaps for a while . So here is a suitable seasonal one . My tenth and final run of 2009 was the Burlington Santa Claus Run . This was a fun run . Everyone in this race is dressed in a Santa Suit including a beard . I have to admit that I had a bit of a wardrobe malfunction . My belt ( along with hundreds of others ) broke in the cold weather . They ended up all over the course . But given the fact that thousands of inexpensive Santa Suits are required , a quality belt may not be high on the priority list . This race is pretty cool to run in because everyone is in red and white . I did not consider this race anything more than a training run or a form of entertainment . You are wearing a Santa suit after all . I would suggest having a meeting spot picked out for after the finish line prior to the the race in case you end up separated from your group . There is a great breakfast following the race and given the popularity of the race in recent years , new venues have been added to accommodate the increase in runners . The year I ran this race , you could not buy breakfast for spectators so we ended up going somewhere else for breakfast , but the people who I spoke with who did stay said the food was great . I also recreated the ginger beet juice I had in Greece . I 'll post that recipe later along with a few other juice recipes . Other than that I have been eating pretty well . Nothing too outrageous . Next week may be another story . I have 2 lunches out and a Christmas party both Friday and Saturday . But like I said in my last post - its not worth stressing about overeating , just try to balance it out . As for the chilling out part . . . . today was one of those crazy days . The full moon is supposed to be Saturday so maybe weird things were just getting a head start . My husband left this morning on a guys weekend and I had to have him dropped off on my way to work to leave for the airport . We also had to put our kids on the bus . Here 's where the wheels fell off . . . I forgot my parking pass in a different vehicle ( long story ) , when I put my daughter on the bus , I forgot to hand her her skates she needed for school today . When I dropped her skates off ( which made my husband late ) I didn 't see her teacher . No one noticed the skates in the classroom , my daughter was calling me and my father - in - law to bring her the skates . . . you get the picture . By the time the afternoon rolled around things were much better . I was feeling like Murphy 's law was no longer ruling my life . In fact , I had survived the morning and what doesn 't drive you batty only makes you . . . who knows . I felt brave enough to take care of some of the stuff I need to for Christmas . What I am about to post is not life changing or anything you haven 't heard a million times before about avoiding weight gain during the holiday season . This information is more like my goals I am going to try to achieve during the holidays to avoid having to add loose 5 pounds to my New Year 's Resolution list . Feel free to join me or add your own thoughts . Get enough sleep . I put this first because I really believe that sleep is the foundation to good health . I know how crappy I feel if I don 't get at least 7 hours of sleep a night . ( I know to some of you that is a lot ) . But when you feel tired you don 't have energy to work out and speaking for myself , I will reach for sugary foods or coffee after coffee to give me the pick up I need to get through the day . Exercise - duh ! I am aiming to workout everyday even if it is just a half an hour walk . My workout schedule for the next few weeks is pretty intense to finish up some of the classes I 've signed up for . Some days I am working out twice , but its usually yoga and running . If I feel tired I lessen the intensity . I think its a pretty safe to assume we are all exposed to and eating foods that are higher fat and calories than normal . These extra calories need to be burned . Also exercise releases endorphins and helps us cope with the extra pressure we feel this time of year . I know its easy to think - I don 't have time . But if you make yourself I priority , I feel its much easier to handle the extra stress that we have around this time of year . Eat right - duh and duh . ( Told you this wasn 't earth shattering ) . I love food . I don 't think its a big secret that I do . I like buttery , sugary cookies and rich creamy stuff and sometimes I eat it a bit like cookie monster . But I try to balance out big dinners and treats with the good stuff . If I 'm going to a party I make sure I have healthier breakfasts and lunches partly so I feel less guilty about indulging later and partly so I don 't feel like crap from eating terrible food all day . Chill out . This is the last and most important point in my opinion . This is supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year - right . So why are we so uptight about buying the perfect gift for our kid 's bus driver , baking 80 dozen different cookies and sending Chirstmas cards to your fifth cousin who you haven 't actually ever talked to . ( I don 't actually know anyone who does those things , but you get the point ) . The bottom line is that we need to figure out what is really important at Christmas - your kids , your hubs , the parents - YOU . The rest are nice to haves . The thing I am looking forward to the most in the pre Christmas frenzy is watching Elf with my girls , baking cookies with my mom and my ' work ' dinner with my husband . I will have fun at the other engagements and will enjoy being with my friends and family but all of those events are happening because I 've decided I want to attend those other events as well and am grateful to have those people in my life . That 's it for my unsolicited advice on holiday weight and stress gain . Its really about balancing all of the above . We need to cut ourselves some slack and not expect perfection . Chill out and have a happy festive season . As for me - I 'll try not to completely lose it when I bake my absolute favourite Christmas cookies . So we 've begun the month of December and in with it comes the season of parties and eating - at least for me it seems . I 'll post more about my thoughts on the food workout balance during this time of year later this week . Today I have a post for an awesome - but admittedly high fat and not very nutritionally dense treat but it is very delicious . It is after all just that a treat . Two things motivated this recipe for me . The first was my visit to Langdon Hall last month where I had the most amazing scones . My favourite was the maple scone with honey butter that felt like it melted in my mouth . My second inspiration was at a recent get together I attended at my friend Gina 's house . Here 's a shot taken by Dan . Can you guess the secret ingredient ? If you guessed the wine - you 'd be close . Just kidding I 'd rather drink it that bake with it . The cranberries . And Gina was coming over this afternoon to discuss something rather big coming up for both of us in the near future that I 'll post about soon . ( No - its not baby related ) . This afternoon I attempted to recreate the scones I had at Langdon Hall with my own twists added . I have a go - to tea biscuit recipe I use all the time so I modified it . I used real butter instead of margarine , added vanilla and cinnamon , and substituted some of the sugar for maple syrup . I think next time , I 'd substitute out all of the sugar for maple syrup . In a bowl whisk together dry ingredients . Cut in butter . ( A lot of recipes say to use 2 knives . I 've never figured out how to do this . I find a fork works better ) . In a separate bowl , mix together wet ingredients . Make a well in the centre of the dry ingredients and pour the wet in . Mix together until just combined . Mix in cranberries . I think the key to light tasting flaky scones or tea biscuits is to handle this dough at little as possible . Form into a circle and sprinkle with cinnamon sugar . Using a pizza cutter or a large knife , cut into 8 wedges . Separate and bake at 425 for 15 - 20 minutes . Let cool . Serve with honey butter and marmalade . Posted by It has taken me a lot longer than I thought it would to go through the pictures from Greece and create this post . Between a sick child requiring multiple visits to the doctor 's office and a vehicle that has been parked inside a mechanic shop for awhile I haven 't had the time I 'd like to pick a few pictures from our vacation . Almost all of these were taken by my official race photographer - my hubs . This is not Greece . This is Rome on the tarmac where we landed after flying from Toronto . We had to take a bus , go through crazy Roman security , race to our gate , get on another bus which dropped us off at the same spot we had gotten on the first bus . The day after we went to Hydra , we took a tour to Delphi to see the Temple of Apollo . I didn 't find the Oracle , but we had fun . At this point in our vacation , another couple had also joined us - Brad and Carey . The tour group was a little slow for our pace , but the bus ride to Delphi was quite nice . After we went to Delphi , we went out for dinner at a restaurant called Strophi . Tracey & I are drinking ouzo the proper way - over ice and sipping it . Opa ! There were so many shots I 'm missing . But its wayyyy passed my bedtime . I have gone on a few other vacations with great pictures that I think I will post on . Look for New York in the near future . Sadly I have yet to run there . . . but someday ! This site and related sites provide wellness management in an informational and educational manner only , with information that is general in nature and that is not specific to you , the reader . The contents of this site are intended to assist you and other readers in your personal wellness efforts . Consult your physician regarding the applicability of any information provided in our websites to you . Nothing in this site should be construed as personal advice or diagnosis , and must not be used in this manner . The information provided about conditions is general in nature . This information does not cover all possible uses , actions , precautions , side - effects , or interactions of medicines , or medical procedures . The information in this site should not be considered as complete and does not cover all diseases , ailments , physical conditions , or their treatment . You should consult with your physician before beginning any exercise , weight loss , or health care program . This site should not be used in place of a call or visit to a competent health - care professional . You should consult a health care professional before adopting any of the suggestions in this site or before drawing inferences from it . Any decision regarding treatment and medication for your condition should be made with the advice and consultation of a qualified health care professional . If you have , or suspect you have , a health - care problem , then you should immediately contact a qualified health care professional for treatment .
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I ran with my group this morning and set out to do 10k . I just wasn 't feeling it . No matter how hard I tried I just couldn 't get into this run . I turned around early and ended up doing 6k . I think the weather was a huge factor . It was wet , slippery , foggy and gross . I was tired and cranky . By the time I returned to the store my crankiness was gone , but I was still tired . I 'll try running tomorrow but for today , I 'll listen to my body and be nice to me . 1 . The Grimsby Half Marathon : I ran this race before I started this blog and haven 't gotten to the race wrap up . This half was a tune up race in my 2011 Around the Bay training . It was a bit of a comedy of errors as far as races go but ended very well . I missed the start - yes the gun went off and I was 2 blocks away . By the time I got to the start I could just make out the last of the runners . I ended up passing over half the participants which probably added extra distance but boosted my confidence . Despite the messed up start and running throught 3k of snow covered vineyards I finished in 1 : 54 which is to date a half marathon PB . 2 . Around the Bay 30k : I trained with Simon for this race and ran it with Rick . This race was one of those races you dream about it felt good the whole time . I took off 30 minutes from my time the year before finishing in 2 : 50 ! This race was really fun . It was the first race my husband ran in and we finished it together . Plus you all know how much I like dressing up . 8 . Half Marathon Clinic : This was the first clinic I had taken in two years . It helped me get back into shape physically and mentally after easing up through the summer . I also met amazing people in this clinic and had a great time during my speed workouts and long runs . 9 . Personal Training Course : This course helped me realise how much I have neglected the rest of my body by only focusing on running . It has also given me a basis to give other people advice on running and working out . I still have a long way to go . . . the exam . But the course was intense and a lot of fun . 10 . Greece : Hands down or in the case of these pictures hands up the running experience of the year and maybe the decade . This race was the most amazing racing experience to date . 2011 has been a pretty remarkable year . It has been fun reflecting on these accomplishments . I 'm ready to celebrate with my family and friends . Here 's to a wonderful year and looking toward building upon these accomplishments in 2012 ! Today was the third and last day of the classroom portion of my course . We didn 't finish until 4 : 55 this afternoon . I think the whole class was hoping for an earlier finish to avoid rush hour traffic , but there was too much material to cover . Although it was a bit hard to not be home with the kids , I am happy I signed up for this training when I did . Our class was a perfect size and the instructor was great . I still have to study my butt off for the theory exam and then work on the practical portion of the exam . There is quite a bit of studying and work I have left to do . But for the next few days I will be taking it easy and enjoying time with my family . I also find it nice to reflect back on the year past and think about goals I would like to set for myself this year . Right now I am looking forward to sleeping in my own bed with my own house sounds around me . I 've had a few days of early mornings . Tuesday I was up at 4 : 30 to leave for Toronto , Wednesday I was up at 5 : 45 to make sure I had enough time to catch the subway in the morning and this morning , I woke up at 4am to maintenance staff working on a water problem until I left for class in the morning . I did complain to the staff at the front desk and they paid for my parking which was almost the cost of one night at the hotel . . . so I felt a bit better . During our stay in Toronto , it statrted to snow . The drive home was a little slow due to the weather . Gina did a great job drive and we had a little giggling fit on the way home about the way slush sounded under her tires . We both thought the sleep deprivation was getting to us . I arrived home to a winter wonderland . We will be able to go tobogganing and build a snowman tomorrow . I am also hoping to go out for a run tomorrow as well . . . time for those gortex shoes again . Well its 8 : 53 and I am ready to crash . Yesterdays early morning wake up and a full day of working out has taken its toll . Today we learned or re - learned proper techniques for weight lifting and cardio machines as well as alternate forms of exercise . It was a lot to learn and very interesting . I 've been finding myself thinking about my training and how building strength in the areas I 've neglected will help me with my running . Its tough to try to come up with a plan to take the time to build strength and fit in the training I want to do for my races . Since I 'm no allowed to post pictures in the gym I took a picture to my lunch . Thrilling I know - a veggie burger with grilled veggies from Casey 's . I would not recommend this lunch before a maximum heart rate test . . . just saying . While I was busy learning how to train people at the gym , Dan and the girls went to the Science Centre . He sent all kinds of pictures of the girls playing and learning . Whoo - cool picture . It was a great day for them . Tomorrow they are going to see Disney on Ice before heading home . I 've been up since 4 : 30 this morning and am still going relatively strong . It is only 8 : 20 so I hope I can last a bit longer . Gina picked me up this morning at 5 : 30 to head out to the city . We made great time and were at the Goodlife Fitness Centre at 7 : 20 - the class didn 't start until 8 , but its was nice not be rushed . The morning flew by , actually the whole day did . We didn 't work out but spent the entire day in the classroom . Tomorrow we will be in the gym in the morning , then back to the classroom . I 've learned a lot in just one day and am looking forward to applying everything we 've covered . After class I met up with Dan and the girls . I think I mentioned we booked a room at the Delta Chelsea through Price Line . The girls love this hotel . The rooms are on the smallish side for 4 people , but the staff is great . Like I just said , my bags are packed . The kids bags are packed and we are ready to to . Gina will be picking me up at 5 : 30 tomorrow morning . I have everything by the door . My coffee maker is set and I have two alarms set . Dan will be driving down with the girls later in the day to check into the hotel . I 'm sure they 'll have swam for at least an hour before I see them . heaven forbid anyone 's stomach should growl . I do find it much less expensive and easier to have breakfast in our room and at least a few snacks for me and definately the kids when we are travelling . The girls will be having cereal and fruit and I 'll be having Vegan Overnight Oats . I 'm not sure what will be going on in our course . We 've been told to bring our books , workout clothes and enthusiasm . Which there will be no shortage of with Gina around . I won 't be able to post any pictures from the course , but I 'll try to check in between swimming with the kids and trying not to be too tired and let you know how it goes . I love my new hooded sweater . It will be great to wear after I get back from running or before the start of a race . I 'm very excited to try out my new compression socks they really help my calves feel better while I 'm running . The gloves , hat and pants were perfect for the run I went on today to help work off my food baby I built up at brunch before making another one at dinner . But most of all Santa , thank you for my shiny new purple laptop . It will make blogging and everything else I do at home on a computer so much easier . I 'm glad you didn 't put me on the naughty list if you heard me while I was trying to post the pictures from Greece . Isn 't it crazy how we all run around in the days leading up to Christmas and then bam ! its here ? This week was really busy with Christmas parties and visits but everything was fun and I caught up with friends and was able to wish everyone a Merry Christmas . This morning I had a festive run . I didn 't get a picture of myself to post but let 's just say it involved red and green polka dot socks and a head band with candy canes . We 've had Christmas dinner in the early afternoon at my mother and father - in - laws house . With 8 kids its was Christmas mayhem which is expected and fun for the kids . We 're now back at home . The girls are staying up later than usual watching the Sound of Music and playing with their new toys . I made an appetizers to have just to tide us over until tomorrow . . . because we haven 't eaten enough today . Saute onion and mushrooms in the butter and olive oil . When then onions are soft and golden add the red pepper and cook until heated through . Unroll the pastry . Cut into 9 squares and pinch a rim around the outside of each square ( it doesn 't have to be pretty ) . Spread the goat cheese on each of the squares . Top with onion mixture . Grind pepper on top of each piece . Bake for 20 minutes or until crust is golden at 375 . Let 's be brave ! Let 's break out the juicer that 's collecting dust in the basement , crack open the veggie tray , pull out a bunch of produce before it gets gross and make something out of it . Something that is supposed to be super healthy and make us feel great . And we will drink whatever the concoction we come up with because its good for us ! Whatever . Seriously I 've never been a big juicer . It is a lot of work . It takes a lot of vegetables ( vegetables that I think I should really be eating to get all of the fiber and other important stuff vegetables give me ) to make one little glass of juice . Then after I have my little cup of juice I have to clean all of that up . . . and will all of my effort even taste good ? I 've read a lot on line about how great juicing is and I do see the reasoning behind it . All of those vegetables pulverised into that glass . Truthfully its a lot easier to go to booster juice and get them to make it . . . but if you 're feeling brave . . . and ambitious you can make them at home . I am really doing more than just baking - although today it feels like that 's all I 've been doing . Baking and visiting . But . . . . yesterday I ran . I wanted to bail - it was really cold outside . It was minus14 with the wind chill . A bunch of runners from my group were doing a 10k route that I 've ran a bazillion times and is not my favourite . And another smaller group was going around 15k . I ended up running with the 15k group . The first 5k of the run I ran on my own , and the rest I ran with Mike and Bob . It was fun , we chatted about running ( ironic ) and Mike talked about all the different races he 's ran . It didn 't feel like an hour plus long run . Today I baked a yule log for my mother - in - law 's birthday . I named it a Birthday Log . I combined a recipe for the cake with my own recipes and it turned out amazing if I can toot my own horn . I didn 't get a really good picture of this cake before everyone arrived , but take my word for it - it was delicious . This cake is really really rich so make sure you have lots of people around to help you eat it . Beat egg yolks with sugar until light yellow and they form a ribbon like texture - about 5 - 7 minutes . Stir in melted chocolate . Beat egg whites with remaining 2 tablespoons of sugar and salt until stiff peaks form . Fold chocolate mixture into egg whites . Spread on a parchment lined jelly roll pan and bake at 350 for 15 minutes . Cover cake with a damp tea towel . Carefully peel cake from parchment paper . Spread the cream cheese filling evening over the cake . Roll the cake into a jelly roll from the long side . Once rolled , place the cake on a serving tray . Ice the cake making it look like bark on a tree if you would like . Dust with icing sugar to look like snow . I have reluctantly started to read my manuals for my personal training course . I 'm not sure why I 've been putting it off . Normally I 'm all over any on line articles about fitness . Maybe its because there is a test involved and my performance anxiety is creeping up again . I made a deal with myself that if I read the first chapter and completed the on line component I would post about something fun . So my lesson is done and no - I didn 't get everything perfect . Nothing happened when I got the answer wrong by the way . I 'm not sure what I thought would happen - maybe some super fit trainer with chiseled abs would yell " WRONG ANSWER ! " at me . I actually did enjoy it and contemplated going ahead with chapter two over posting . . . but I have pretty pictures . This post has nothing to do with running . . . again . But it is about travelling . Over the past few years I have travelled a bit . Some of my trips were with my kids and some without . We decided on our first trip to buy a Christmas ornament for wherever we were . I 've read that some people think its hokey , but these decorations are some of my favourites . Every year when we decorate our tree and pull out these ornaments , they remind me of the trip I was on when I bought them . I find that I am usually reflecting on the past year during the holidays and the ornaments help remind me of the amazing vacations I 've been on . I went on this trip with my family when my girls were 15 months old and 3 years old in 2007 . It was a fun trip . We saw icebergs and toured around the island for a bit . Banff We went to Banff in 2008 . We stayed in a condo style hotel which had a great water slide and indoor playground for the kids . The scenery was beautiful , but the hotel made the trip for the kids . Our whole family went to Jamaica for my sister 's wedding in 2009 . It was beautiful . The resort we stayed at was a family resort with a great water slide and pool for the kids . The girls have been asking to go back every year . You all know about Greece this year . There were tons of ornaments being sold at all the tourist places , but I only saw this bell in two shops . I thought it was perfect for our tree . OK not quite as hip looking as I had hoped but still exciting for me nonetheless . In case you haven 't guessed I 've decided to take a personal training course . I 've been talking about signing up for this course for almost a year now . Whether I switch careers and become a personal trainer or not isn 't really on the horizon . But I am really excited about starting something new and learning ways to improve my overall fitness and knowledge . The timing of the course has meant a few changes to my overall running plans for the rest of the year . I had almost signed up for the Boxing Day Race in Hamilton , but when I was at Gina 's party , she mentioned she was going to take this course and I asked if I could tag along . The course runs from December 27 - 29th and is in Toronto so I felt I couldn 't drag my family to a race and then leave them for three days during the holidays . We are actually going to work this into a bit of a get away for the girls . We 'll be staying in the big smoke for two nights . Dan will take the girls to the ROM and an ice show while I 'm at the course and then we 'll all go swimming and hang out in the evening . Gina is staying at the same hotel and is an ' Aunt ' to my girls so they will be thrilled . I 'm really hoping that I learn techniques in this course to help balance the stress running puts on my body . I am also hoping to get strong in other areas besides my legs ( ie my upper body ) and hopefully improve my overall running skills . As the year is winding down , I 've been reflecting on my past accomplishments and missed goals and where I want to go for next year . I think I 'm going to look at this course as an early New Year 's resolution . The timing of this course has also created a bit of extra work for me during this Christmas season because I have to review the course material before the classes start . Oh well , at least I find this stuff interesting . I used to make at least 5 different types of cookies each Christmas . I would eat a ton of cookies and then package them up and take them to my co - workers , neighbours and family members . Now I make my favourites - chocolate chip shortbread , chocolate covered peanut butter balls , ginger cookies and sometimes chocolate almond bark . Typing that out , it sounds like a lot but they are all very quick cookies to make - none require rolling out or cutting . This year I decided that I would try to modify my chocolate covered peanut butter balls from basically a mixture of peanut butter and icing sugar to make them a bit more nutritionally dense . I decided to use non bake protein bars as a base . There are tons of recipes on line for protein bars . I modified mine from this recipe . http : / / ohsheglows . com / 2010 / 12 / 02 / chocolate - dipped - chocolate - chip - cookie - dough - balls / from Oh She Glows - I seem to have a cooking crush on this website lately . In a food processor , process the cashews and oatmeal until they form a fine powder . Add protein powder , peanut butter , dates , syrup , vanilla and hemp . Process again until the mixture forms a rough ball . Roll dough into bite size balls and place on a parchment lined cookie sheet . Place cookies in the freezer for at least 30 minutes . Melt chocolate chips and margarine either on the stove top or microwave , watching closely as chocolate can burn quickly . Using two forks , dip and roll the protein balls in the chocolate . Once coated , put back on cookie sheet . When finished , return to the freezer until the chocolate has set - about 30 minutes . Store protein balls in a covered container in the freezer . Follow up taste - test I do wish these were a bit more peanut buttery tasting but they are still great and I 'm happy to add a bit more protein to my diet . Maybe next time I would add less cashews and more peanut butter . I did taste the vanilla flavouring in the protein powder , but it was not over whelming . The real taste test will happen when my husband discovers these . If I still have some left in a week - either he didn 't find my hiding spot or doesn 't like them . I haven 't posted any race recaps for a while . So here is a suitable seasonal one . My tenth and final run of 2009 was the Burlington Santa Claus Run . This was a fun run . Everyone in this race is dressed in a Santa Suit including a beard . I have to admit that I had a bit of a wardrobe malfunction . My belt ( along with hundreds of others ) broke in the cold weather . They ended up all over the course . But given the fact that thousands of inexpensive Santa Suits are required , a quality belt may not be high on the priority list . This race is pretty cool to run in because everyone is in red and white . I did not consider this race anything more than a training run or a form of entertainment . You are wearing a Santa suit after all . I would suggest having a meeting spot picked out for after the finish line prior to the the race in case you end up separated from your group . There is a great breakfast following the race and given the popularity of the race in recent years , new venues have been added to accommodate the increase in runners . The year I ran this race , you could not buy breakfast for spectators so we ended up going somewhere else for breakfast , but the people who I spoke with who did stay said the food was great . I also recreated the ginger beet juice I had in Greece . I 'll post that recipe later along with a few other juice recipes . Other than that I have been eating pretty well . Nothing too outrageous . Next week may be another story . I have 2 lunches out and a Christmas party both Friday and Saturday . But like I said in my last post - its not worth stressing about overeating , just try to balance it out . As for the chilling out part . . . . today was one of those crazy days . The full moon is supposed to be Saturday so maybe weird things were just getting a head start . My husband left this morning on a guys weekend and I had to have him dropped off on my way to work to leave for the airport . We also had to put our kids on the bus . Here 's where the wheels fell off . . . I forgot my parking pass in a different vehicle ( long story ) , when I put my daughter on the bus , I forgot to hand her her skates she needed for school today . When I dropped her skates off ( which made my husband late ) I didn 't see her teacher . No one noticed the skates in the classroom , my daughter was calling me and my father - in - law to bring her the skates . . . you get the picture . By the time the afternoon rolled around things were much better . I was feeling like Murphy 's law was no longer ruling my life . In fact , I had survived the morning and what doesn 't drive you batty only makes you . . . who knows . I felt brave enough to take care of some of the stuff I need to for Christmas . What I am about to post is not life changing or anything you haven 't heard a million times before about avoiding weight gain during the holiday season . This information is more like my goals I am going to try to achieve during the holidays to avoid having to add loose 5 pounds to my New Year 's Resolution list . Feel free to join me or add your own thoughts . Get enough sleep . I put this first because I really believe that sleep is the foundation to good health . I know how crappy I feel if I don 't get at least 7 hours of sleep a night . ( I know to some of you that is a lot ) . But when you feel tired you don 't have energy to work out and speaking for myself , I will reach for sugary foods or coffee after coffee to give me the pick up I need to get through the day . Exercise - duh ! I am aiming to workout everyday even if it is just a half an hour walk . My workout schedule for the next few weeks is pretty intense to finish up some of the classes I 've signed up for . Some days I am working out twice , but its usually yoga and running . If I feel tired I lessen the intensity . I think its a pretty safe to assume we are all exposed to and eating foods that are higher fat and calories than normal . These extra calories need to be burned . Also exercise releases endorphins and helps us cope with the extra pressure we feel this time of year . I know its easy to think - I don 't have time . But if you make yourself I priority , I feel its much easier to handle the extra stress that we have around this time of year . Eat right - duh and duh . ( Told you this wasn 't earth shattering ) . I love food . I don 't think its a big secret that I do . I like buttery , sugary cookies and rich creamy stuff and sometimes I eat it a bit like cookie monster . But I try to balance out big dinners and treats with the good stuff . If I 'm going to a party I make sure I have healthier breakfasts and lunches partly so I feel less guilty about indulging later and partly so I don 't feel like crap from eating terrible food all day . Chill out . This is the last and most important point in my opinion . This is supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year - right . So why are we so uptight about buying the perfect gift for our kid 's bus driver , baking 80 dozen different cookies and sending Chirstmas cards to your fifth cousin who you haven 't actually ever talked to . ( I don 't actually know anyone who does those things , but you get the point ) . The bottom line is that we need to figure out what is really important at Christmas - your kids , your hubs , the parents - YOU . The rest are nice to haves . The thing I am looking forward to the most in the pre Christmas frenzy is watching Elf with my girls , baking cookies with my mom and my ' work ' dinner with my husband . I will have fun at the other engagements and will enjoy being with my friends and family but all of those events are happening because I 've decided I want to attend those other events as well and am grateful to have those people in my life . That 's it for my unsolicited advice on holiday weight and stress gain . Its really about balancing all of the above . We need to cut ourselves some slack and not expect perfection . Chill out and have a happy festive season . As for me - I 'll try not to completely lose it when I bake my absolute favourite Christmas cookies . So we 've begun the month of December and in with it comes the season of parties and eating - at least for me it seems . I 'll post more about my thoughts on the food workout balance during this time of year later this week . Today I have a post for an awesome - but admittedly high fat and not very nutritionally dense treat but it is very delicious . It is after all just that a treat . Two things motivated this recipe for me . The first was my visit to Langdon Hall last month where I had the most amazing scones . My favourite was the maple scone with honey butter that felt like it melted in my mouth . My second inspiration was at a recent get together I attended at my friend Gina 's house . Here 's a shot taken by Dan . Can you guess the secret ingredient ? If you guessed the wine - you 'd be close . Just kidding I 'd rather drink it that bake with it . The cranberries . And Gina was coming over this afternoon to discuss something rather big coming up for both of us in the near future that I 'll post about soon . ( No - its not baby related ) . This afternoon I attempted to recreate the scones I had at Langdon Hall with my own twists added . I have a go - to tea biscuit recipe I use all the time so I modified it . I used real butter instead of margarine , added vanilla and cinnamon , and substituted some of the sugar for maple syrup . I think next time , I 'd substitute out all of the sugar for maple syrup . In a bowl whisk together dry ingredients . Cut in butter . ( A lot of recipes say to use 2 knives . I 've never figured out how to do this . I find a fork works better ) . In a separate bowl , mix together wet ingredients . Make a well in the centre of the dry ingredients and pour the wet in . Mix together until just combined . Mix in cranberries . I think the key to light tasting flaky scones or tea biscuits is to handle this dough at little as possible . Form into a circle and sprinkle with cinnamon sugar . Using a pizza cutter or a large knife , cut into 8 wedges . Separate and bake at 425 for 15 - 20 minutes . Let cool . Serve with honey butter and marmalade . Posted by It has taken me a lot longer than I thought it would to go through the pictures from Greece and create this post . Between a sick child requiring multiple visits to the doctor 's office and a vehicle that has been parked inside a mechanic shop for awhile I haven 't had the time I 'd like to pick a few pictures from our vacation . Almost all of these were taken by my official race photographer - my hubs . This is not Greece . This is Rome on the tarmac where we landed after flying from Toronto . We had to take a bus , go through crazy Roman security , race to our gate , get on another bus which dropped us off at the same spot we had gotten on the first bus . The day after we went to Hydra , we took a tour to Delphi to see the Temple of Apollo . I didn 't find the Oracle , but we had fun . At this point in our vacation , another couple had also joined us - Brad and Carey . The tour group was a little slow for our pace , but the bus ride to Delphi was quite nice . After we went to Delphi , we went out for dinner at a restaurant called Strophi . Tracey & I are drinking ouzo the proper way - over ice and sipping it . Opa ! There were so many shots I 'm missing . But its wayyyy passed my bedtime . I have gone on a few other vacations with great pictures that I think I will post on . Look for New York in the near future . Sadly I have yet to run there . . . but someday ! This site and related sites provide wellness management in an informational and educational manner only , with information that is general in nature and that is not specific to you , the reader . The contents of this site are intended to assist you and other readers in your personal wellness efforts . Consult your physician regarding the applicability of any information provided in our websites to you . Nothing in this site should be construed as personal advice or diagnosis , and must not be used in this manner . The information provided about conditions is general in nature . This information does not cover all possible uses , actions , precautions , side - effects , or interactions of medicines , or medical procedures . The information in this site should not be considered as complete and does not cover all diseases , ailments , physical conditions , or their treatment . You should consult with your physician before beginning any exercise , weight loss , or health care program . This site should not be used in place of a call or visit to a competent health - care professional . You should consult a health care professional before adopting any of the suggestions in this site or before drawing inferences from it . Any decision regarding treatment and medication for your condition should be made with the advice and consultation of a qualified health care professional . If you have , or suspect you have , a health - care problem , then you should immediately contact a qualified health care professional for treatment .
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I ran with my group this morning and set out to do 10k . I just wasn 't feeling it . No matter how hard I tried I just couldn 't get into this run . I turned around early and ended up doing 6k . I think the weather was a huge factor . It was wet , slippery , foggy and gross . I was tired and cranky . By the time I returned to the store my crankiness was gone , but I was still tired . I 'll try running tomorrow but for today , I 'll listen to my body and be nice to me . 1 . The Grimsby Half Marathon : I ran this race before I started this blog and haven 't gotten to the race wrap up . This half was a tune up race in my 2011 Around the Bay training . It was a bit of a comedy of errors as far as races go but ended very well . I missed the start - yes the gun went off and I was 2 blocks away . By the time I got to the start I could just make out the last of the runners . I ended up passing over half the participants which probably added extra distance but boosted my confidence . Despite the messed up start and running throught 3k of snow covered vineyards I finished in 1 : 54 which is to date a half marathon PB . 2 . Around the Bay 30k : I trained with Simon for this race and ran it with Rick . This race was one of those races you dream about it felt good the whole time . I took off 30 minutes from my time the year before finishing in 2 : 50 ! This race was really fun . It was the first race my husband ran in and we finished it together . Plus you all know how much I like dressing up . 8 . Half Marathon Clinic : This was the first clinic I had taken in two years . It helped me get back into shape physically and mentally after easing up through the summer . I also met amazing people in this clinic and had a great time during my speed workouts and long runs . 9 . Personal Training Course : This course helped me realise how much I have neglected the rest of my body by only focusing on running . It has also given me a basis to give other people advice on running and working out . I still have a long way to go . . . the exam . But the course was intense and a lot of fun . 10 . Greece : Hands down or in the case of these pictures hands up the running experience of the year and maybe the decade . This race was the most amazing racing experience to date . 2011 has been a pretty remarkable year . It has been fun reflecting on these accomplishments . I 'm ready to celebrate with my family and friends . Here 's to a wonderful year and looking toward building upon these accomplishments in 2012 ! Today was the third and last day of the classroom portion of my course . We didn 't finish until 4 : 55 this afternoon . I think the whole class was hoping for an earlier finish to avoid rush hour traffic , but there was too much material to cover . Although it was a bit hard to not be home with the kids , I am happy I signed up for this training when I did . Our class was a perfect size and the instructor was great . I still have to study my butt off for the theory exam and then work on the practical portion of the exam . There is quite a bit of studying and work I have left to do . But for the next few days I will be taking it easy and enjoying time with my family . I also find it nice to reflect back on the year past and think about goals I would like to set for myself this year . Right now I am looking forward to sleeping in my own bed with my own house sounds around me . I 've had a few days of early mornings . Tuesday I was up at 4 : 30 to leave for Toronto , Wednesday I was up at 5 : 45 to make sure I had enough time to catch the subway in the morning and this morning , I woke up at 4am to maintenance staff working on a water problem until I left for class in the morning . I did complain to the staff at the front desk and they paid for my parking which was almost the cost of one night at the hotel . . . so I felt a bit better . During our stay in Toronto , it statrted to snow . The drive home was a little slow due to the weather . Gina did a great job drive and we had a little giggling fit on the way home about the way slush sounded under her tires . We both thought the sleep deprivation was getting to us . I arrived home to a winter wonderland . We will be able to go tobogganing and build a snowman tomorrow . I am also hoping to go out for a run tomorrow as well . . . time for those gortex shoes again . Well its 8 : 53 and I am ready to crash . Yesterdays early morning wake up and a full day of working out has taken its toll . Today we learned or re - learned proper techniques for weight lifting and cardio machines as well as alternate forms of exercise . It was a lot to learn and very interesting . I 've been finding myself thinking about my training and how building strength in the areas I 've neglected will help me with my running . Its tough to try to come up with a plan to take the time to build strength and fit in the training I want to do for my races . Since I 'm no allowed to post pictures in the gym I took a picture to my lunch . Thrilling I know - a veggie burger with grilled veggies from Casey 's . I would not recommend this lunch before a maximum heart rate test . . . just saying . While I was busy learning how to train people at the gym , Dan and the girls went to the Science Centre . He sent all kinds of pictures of the girls playing and learning . Whoo - cool picture . It was a great day for them . Tomorrow they are going to see Disney on Ice before heading home . I 've been up since 4 : 30 this morning and am still going relatively strong . It is only 8 : 20 so I hope I can last a bit longer . Gina picked me up this morning at 5 : 30 to head out to the city . We made great time and were at the Goodlife Fitness Centre at 7 : 20 - the class didn 't start until 8 , but its was nice not be rushed . The morning flew by , actually the whole day did . We didn 't work out but spent the entire day in the classroom . Tomorrow we will be in the gym in the morning , then back to the classroom . I 've learned a lot in just one day and am looking forward to applying everything we 've covered . After class I met up with Dan and the girls . I think I mentioned we booked a room at the Delta Chelsea through Price Line . The girls love this hotel . The rooms are on the smallish side for 4 people , but the staff is great . Like I just said , my bags are packed . The kids bags are packed and we are ready to to . Gina will be picking me up at 5 : 30 tomorrow morning . I have everything by the door . My coffee maker is set and I have two alarms set . Dan will be driving down with the girls later in the day to check into the hotel . I 'm sure they 'll have swam for at least an hour before I see them . heaven forbid anyone 's stomach should growl . I do find it much less expensive and easier to have breakfast in our room and at least a few snacks for me and definately the kids when we are travelling . The girls will be having cereal and fruit and I 'll be having Vegan Overnight Oats . I 'm not sure what will be going on in our course . We 've been told to bring our books , workout clothes and enthusiasm . Which there will be no shortage of with Gina around . I won 't be able to post any pictures from the course , but I 'll try to check in between swimming with the kids and trying not to be too tired and let you know how it goes . I love my new hooded sweater . It will be great to wear after I get back from running or before the start of a race . I 'm very excited to try out my new compression socks they really help my calves feel better while I 'm running . The gloves , hat and pants were perfect for the run I went on today to help work off my food baby I built up at brunch before making another one at dinner . But most of all Santa , thank you for my shiny new purple laptop . It will make blogging and everything else I do at home on a computer so much easier . I 'm glad you didn 't put me on the naughty list if you heard me while I was trying to post the pictures from Greece . Isn 't it crazy how we all run around in the days leading up to Christmas and then bam ! its here ? This week was really busy with Christmas parties and visits but everything was fun and I caught up with friends and was able to wish everyone a Merry Christmas . This morning I had a festive run . I didn 't get a picture of myself to post but let 's just say it involved red and green polka dot socks and a head band with candy canes . We 've had Christmas dinner in the early afternoon at my mother and father - in - laws house . With 8 kids its was Christmas mayhem which is expected and fun for the kids . We 're now back at home . The girls are staying up later than usual watching the Sound of Music and playing with their new toys . I made an appetizers to have just to tide us over until tomorrow . . . because we haven 't eaten enough today . Saute onion and mushrooms in the butter and olive oil . When then onions are soft and golden add the red pepper and cook until heated through . Unroll the pastry . Cut into 9 squares and pinch a rim around the outside of each square ( it doesn 't have to be pretty ) . Spread the goat cheese on each of the squares . Top with onion mixture . Grind pepper on top of each piece . Bake for 20 minutes or until crust is golden at 375 . Let 's be brave ! Let 's break out the juicer that 's collecting dust in the basement , crack open the veggie tray , pull out a bunch of produce before it gets gross and make something out of it . Something that is supposed to be super healthy and make us feel great . And we will drink whatever the concoction we come up with because its good for us ! Whatever . Seriously I 've never been a big juicer . It is a lot of work . It takes a lot of vegetables ( vegetables that I think I should really be eating to get all of the fiber and other important stuff vegetables give me ) to make one little glass of juice . Then after I have my little cup of juice I have to clean all of that up . . . and will all of my effort even taste good ? I 've read a lot on line about how great juicing is and I do see the reasoning behind it . All of those vegetables pulverised into that glass . Truthfully its a lot easier to go to booster juice and get them to make it . . . but if you 're feeling brave . . . and ambitious you can make them at home . I am really doing more than just baking - although today it feels like that 's all I 've been doing . Baking and visiting . But . . . . yesterday I ran . I wanted to bail - it was really cold outside . It was minus14 with the wind chill . A bunch of runners from my group were doing a 10k route that I 've ran a bazillion times and is not my favourite . And another smaller group was going around 15k . I ended up running with the 15k group . The first 5k of the run I ran on my own , and the rest I ran with Mike and Bob . It was fun , we chatted about running ( ironic ) and Mike talked about all the different races he 's ran . It didn 't feel like an hour plus long run . Today I baked a yule log for my mother - in - law 's birthday . I named it a Birthday Log . I combined a recipe for the cake with my own recipes and it turned out amazing if I can toot my own horn . I didn 't get a really good picture of this cake before everyone arrived , but take my word for it - it was delicious . This cake is really really rich so make sure you have lots of people around to help you eat it . Beat egg yolks with sugar until light yellow and they form a ribbon like texture - about 5 - 7 minutes . Stir in melted chocolate . Beat egg whites with remaining 2 tablespoons of sugar and salt until stiff peaks form . Fold chocolate mixture into egg whites . Spread on a parchment lined jelly roll pan and bake at 350 for 15 minutes . Cover cake with a damp tea towel . Carefully peel cake from parchment paper . Spread the cream cheese filling evening over the cake . Roll the cake into a jelly roll from the long side . Once rolled , place the cake on a serving tray . Ice the cake making it look like bark on a tree if you would like . Dust with icing sugar to look like snow . I have reluctantly started to read my manuals for my personal training course . I 'm not sure why I 've been putting it off . Normally I 'm all over any on line articles about fitness . Maybe its because there is a test involved and my performance anxiety is creeping up again . I made a deal with myself that if I read the first chapter and completed the on line component I would post about something fun . So my lesson is done and no - I didn 't get everything perfect . Nothing happened when I got the answer wrong by the way . I 'm not sure what I thought would happen - maybe some super fit trainer with chiseled abs would yell " WRONG ANSWER ! " at me . I actually did enjoy it and contemplated going ahead with chapter two over posting . . . but I have pretty pictures . This post has nothing to do with running . . . again . But it is about travelling . Over the past few years I have travelled a bit . Some of my trips were with my kids and some without . We decided on our first trip to buy a Christmas ornament for wherever we were . I 've read that some people think its hokey , but these decorations are some of my favourites . Every year when we decorate our tree and pull out these ornaments , they remind me of the trip I was on when I bought them . I find that I am usually reflecting on the past year during the holidays and the ornaments help remind me of the amazing vacations I 've been on . I went on this trip with my family when my girls were 15 months old and 3 years old in 2007 . It was a fun trip . We saw icebergs and toured around the island for a bit . Banff We went to Banff in 2008 . We stayed in a condo style hotel which had a great water slide and indoor playground for the kids . The scenery was beautiful , but the hotel made the trip for the kids . Our whole family went to Jamaica for my sister 's wedding in 2009 . It was beautiful . The resort we stayed at was a family resort with a great water slide and pool for the kids . The girls have been asking to go back every year . You all know about Greece this year . There were tons of ornaments being sold at all the tourist places , but I only saw this bell in two shops . I thought it was perfect for our tree . OK not quite as hip looking as I had hoped but still exciting for me nonetheless . In case you haven 't guessed I 've decided to take a personal training course . I 've been talking about signing up for this course for almost a year now . Whether I switch careers and become a personal trainer or not isn 't really on the horizon . But I am really excited about starting something new and learning ways to improve my overall fitness and knowledge . The timing of the course has meant a few changes to my overall running plans for the rest of the year . I had almost signed up for the Boxing Day Race in Hamilton , but when I was at Gina 's party , she mentioned she was going to take this course and I asked if I could tag along . The course runs from December 27 - 29th and is in Toronto so I felt I couldn 't drag my family to a race and then leave them for three days during the holidays . We are actually going to work this into a bit of a get away for the girls . We 'll be staying in the big smoke for two nights . Dan will take the girls to the ROM and an ice show while I 'm at the course and then we 'll all go swimming and hang out in the evening . Gina is staying at the same hotel and is an ' Aunt ' to my girls so they will be thrilled . I 'm really hoping that I learn techniques in this course to help balance the stress running puts on my body . I am also hoping to get strong in other areas besides my legs ( ie my upper body ) and hopefully improve my overall running skills . As the year is winding down , I 've been reflecting on my past accomplishments and missed goals and where I want to go for next year . I think I 'm going to look at this course as an early New Year 's resolution . The timing of this course has also created a bit of extra work for me during this Christmas season because I have to review the course material before the classes start . Oh well , at least I find this stuff interesting . I used to make at least 5 different types of cookies each Christmas . I would eat a ton of cookies and then package them up and take them to my co - workers , neighbours and family members . Now I make my favourites - chocolate chip shortbread , chocolate covered peanut butter balls , ginger cookies and sometimes chocolate almond bark . Typing that out , it sounds like a lot but they are all very quick cookies to make - none require rolling out or cutting . This year I decided that I would try to modify my chocolate covered peanut butter balls from basically a mixture of peanut butter and icing sugar to make them a bit more nutritionally dense . I decided to use non bake protein bars as a base . There are tons of recipes on line for protein bars . I modified mine from this recipe . http : / / ohsheglows . com / 2010 / 12 / 02 / chocolate - dipped - chocolate - chip - cookie - dough - balls / from Oh She Glows - I seem to have a cooking crush on this website lately . In a food processor , process the cashews and oatmeal until they form a fine powder . Add protein powder , peanut butter , dates , syrup , vanilla and hemp . Process again until the mixture forms a rough ball . Roll dough into bite size balls and place on a parchment lined cookie sheet . Place cookies in the freezer for at least 30 minutes . Melt chocolate chips and margarine either on the stove top or microwave , watching closely as chocolate can burn quickly . Using two forks , dip and roll the protein balls in the chocolate . Once coated , put back on cookie sheet . When finished , return to the freezer until the chocolate has set - about 30 minutes . Store protein balls in a covered container in the freezer . Follow up taste - test I do wish these were a bit more peanut buttery tasting but they are still great and I 'm happy to add a bit more protein to my diet . Maybe next time I would add less cashews and more peanut butter . I did taste the vanilla flavouring in the protein powder , but it was not over whelming . The real taste test will happen when my husband discovers these . If I still have some left in a week - either he didn 't find my hiding spot or doesn 't like them . I haven 't posted any race recaps for a while . So here is a suitable seasonal one . My tenth and final run of 2009 was the Burlington Santa Claus Run . This was a fun run . Everyone in this race is dressed in a Santa Suit including a beard . I have to admit that I had a bit of a wardrobe malfunction . My belt ( along with hundreds of others ) broke in the cold weather . They ended up all over the course . But given the fact that thousands of inexpensive Santa Suits are required , a quality belt may not be high on the priority list . This race is pretty cool to run in because everyone is in red and white . I did not consider this race anything more than a training run or a form of entertainment . You are wearing a Santa suit after all . I would suggest having a meeting spot picked out for after the finish line prior to the the race in case you end up separated from your group . There is a great breakfast following the race and given the popularity of the race in recent years , new venues have been added to accommodate the increase in runners . The year I ran this race , you could not buy breakfast for spectators so we ended up going somewhere else for breakfast , but the people who I spoke with who did stay said the food was great . I also recreated the ginger beet juice I had in Greece . I 'll post that recipe later along with a few other juice recipes . Other than that I have been eating pretty well . Nothing too outrageous . Next week may be another story . I have 2 lunches out and a Christmas party both Friday and Saturday . But like I said in my last post - its not worth stressing about overeating , just try to balance it out . As for the chilling out part . . . . today was one of those crazy days . The full moon is supposed to be Saturday so maybe weird things were just getting a head start . My husband left this morning on a guys weekend and I had to have him dropped off on my way to work to leave for the airport . We also had to put our kids on the bus . Here 's where the wheels fell off . . . I forgot my parking pass in a different vehicle ( long story ) , when I put my daughter on the bus , I forgot to hand her her skates she needed for school today . When I dropped her skates off ( which made my husband late ) I didn 't see her teacher . No one noticed the skates in the classroom , my daughter was calling me and my father - in - law to bring her the skates . . . you get the picture . By the time the afternoon rolled around things were much better . I was feeling like Murphy 's law was no longer ruling my life . In fact , I had survived the morning and what doesn 't drive you batty only makes you . . . who knows . I felt brave enough to take care of some of the stuff I need to for Christmas . What I am about to post is not life changing or anything you haven 't heard a million times before about avoiding weight gain during the holiday season . This information is more like my goals I am going to try to achieve during the holidays to avoid having to add loose 5 pounds to my New Year 's Resolution list . Feel free to join me or add your own thoughts . Get enough sleep . I put this first because I really believe that sleep is the foundation to good health . I know how crappy I feel if I don 't get at least 7 hours of sleep a night . ( I know to some of you that is a lot ) . But when you feel tired you don 't have energy to work out and speaking for myself , I will reach for sugary foods or coffee after coffee to give me the pick up I need to get through the day . Exercise - duh ! I am aiming to workout everyday even if it is just a half an hour walk . My workout schedule for the next few weeks is pretty intense to finish up some of the classes I 've signed up for . Some days I am working out twice , but its usually yoga and running . If I feel tired I lessen the intensity . I think its a pretty safe to assume we are all exposed to and eating foods that are higher fat and calories than normal . These extra calories need to be burned . Also exercise releases endorphins and helps us cope with the extra pressure we feel this time of year . I know its easy to think - I don 't have time . But if you make yourself I priority , I feel its much easier to handle the extra stress that we have around this time of year . Eat right - duh and duh . ( Told you this wasn 't earth shattering ) . I love food . I don 't think its a big secret that I do . I like buttery , sugary cookies and rich creamy stuff and sometimes I eat it a bit like cookie monster . But I try to balance out big dinners and treats with the good stuff . If I 'm going to a party I make sure I have healthier breakfasts and lunches partly so I feel less guilty about indulging later and partly so I don 't feel like crap from eating terrible food all day . Chill out . This is the last and most important point in my opinion . This is supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year - right . So why are we so uptight about buying the perfect gift for our kid 's bus driver , baking 80 dozen different cookies and sending Chirstmas cards to your fifth cousin who you haven 't actually ever talked to . ( I don 't actually know anyone who does those things , but you get the point ) . The bottom line is that we need to figure out what is really important at Christmas - your kids , your hubs , the parents - YOU . The rest are nice to haves . The thing I am looking forward to the most in the pre Christmas frenzy is watching Elf with my girls , baking cookies with my mom and my ' work ' dinner with my husband . I will have fun at the other engagements and will enjoy being with my friends and family but all of those events are happening because I 've decided I want to attend those other events as well and am grateful to have those people in my life . That 's it for my unsolicited advice on holiday weight and stress gain . Its really about balancing all of the above . We need to cut ourselves some slack and not expect perfection . Chill out and have a happy festive season . As for me - I 'll try not to completely lose it when I bake my absolute favourite Christmas cookies . So we 've begun the month of December and in with it comes the season of parties and eating - at least for me it seems . I 'll post more about my thoughts on the food workout balance during this time of year later this week . Today I have a post for an awesome - but admittedly high fat and not very nutritionally dense treat but it is very delicious . It is after all just that a treat . Two things motivated this recipe for me . The first was my visit to Langdon Hall last month where I had the most amazing scones . My favourite was the maple scone with honey butter that felt like it melted in my mouth . My second inspiration was at a recent get together I attended at my friend Gina 's house . Here 's a shot taken by Dan . Can you guess the secret ingredient ? If you guessed the wine - you 'd be close . Just kidding I 'd rather drink it that bake with it . The cranberries . And Gina was coming over this afternoon to discuss something rather big coming up for both of us in the near future that I 'll post about soon . ( No - its not baby related ) . This afternoon I attempted to recreate the scones I had at Langdon Hall with my own twists added . I have a go - to tea biscuit recipe I use all the time so I modified it . I used real butter instead of margarine , added vanilla and cinnamon , and substituted some of the sugar for maple syrup . I think next time , I 'd substitute out all of the sugar for maple syrup . In a bowl whisk together dry ingredients . Cut in butter . ( A lot of recipes say to use 2 knives . I 've never figured out how to do this . I find a fork works better ) . In a separate bowl , mix together wet ingredients . Make a well in the centre of the dry ingredients and pour the wet in . Mix together until just combined . Mix in cranberries . I think the key to light tasting flaky scones or tea biscuits is to handle this dough at little as possible . Form into a circle and sprinkle with cinnamon sugar . Using a pizza cutter or a large knife , cut into 8 wedges . Separate and bake at 425 for 15 - 20 minutes . Let cool . Serve with honey butter and marmalade . Posted by It has taken me a lot longer than I thought it would to go through the pictures from Greece and create this post . Between a sick child requiring multiple visits to the doctor 's office and a vehicle that has been parked inside a mechanic shop for awhile I haven 't had the time I 'd like to pick a few pictures from our vacation . Almost all of these were taken by my official race photographer - my hubs . This is not Greece . This is Rome on the tarmac where we landed after flying from Toronto . We had to take a bus , go through crazy Roman security , race to our gate , get on another bus which dropped us off at the same spot we had gotten on the first bus . The day after we went to Hydra , we took a tour to Delphi to see the Temple of Apollo . I didn 't find the Oracle , but we had fun . At this point in our vacation , another couple had also joined us - Brad and Carey . The tour group was a little slow for our pace , but the bus ride to Delphi was quite nice . After we went to Delphi , we went out for dinner at a restaurant called Strophi . Tracey & I are drinking ouzo the proper way - over ice and sipping it . Opa ! There were so many shots I 'm missing . But its wayyyy passed my bedtime . I have gone on a few other vacations with great pictures that I think I will post on . Look for New York in the near future . Sadly I have yet to run there . . . but someday ! This site and related sites provide wellness management in an informational and educational manner only , with information that is general in nature and that is not specific to you , the reader . The contents of this site are intended to assist you and other readers in your personal wellness efforts . Consult your physician regarding the applicability of any information provided in our websites to you . Nothing in this site should be construed as personal advice or diagnosis , and must not be used in this manner . The information provided about conditions is general in nature . This information does not cover all possible uses , actions , precautions , side - effects , or interactions of medicines , or medical procedures . The information in this site should not be considered as complete and does not cover all diseases , ailments , physical conditions , or their treatment . You should consult with your physician before beginning any exercise , weight loss , or health care program . This site should not be used in place of a call or visit to a competent health - care professional . You should consult a health care professional before adopting any of the suggestions in this site or before drawing inferences from it . Any decision regarding treatment and medication for your condition should be made with the advice and consultation of a qualified health care professional . If you have , or suspect you have , a health - care problem , then you should immediately contact a qualified health care professional for treatment .
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I ran with my group this morning and set out to do 10k . I just wasn 't feeling it . No matter how hard I tried I just couldn 't get into this run . I turned around early and ended up doing 6k . I think the weather was a huge factor . It was wet , slippery , foggy and gross . I was tired and cranky . By the time I returned to the store my crankiness was gone , but I was still tired . I 'll try running tomorrow but for today , I 'll listen to my body and be nice to me . 1 . The Grimsby Half Marathon : I ran this race before I started this blog and haven 't gotten to the race wrap up . This half was a tune up race in my 2011 Around the Bay training . It was a bit of a comedy of errors as far as races go but ended very well . I missed the start - yes the gun went off and I was 2 blocks away . By the time I got to the start I could just make out the last of the runners . I ended up passing over half the participants which probably added extra distance but boosted my confidence . Despite the messed up start and running throught 3k of snow covered vineyards I finished in 1 : 54 which is to date a half marathon PB . 2 . Around the Bay 30k : I trained with Simon for this race and ran it with Rick . This race was one of those races you dream about it felt good the whole time . I took off 30 minutes from my time the year before finishing in 2 : 50 ! This race was really fun . It was the first race my husband ran in and we finished it together . Plus you all know how much I like dressing up . 8 . Half Marathon Clinic : This was the first clinic I had taken in two years . It helped me get back into shape physically and mentally after easing up through the summer . I also met amazing people in this clinic and had a great time during my speed workouts and long runs . 9 . Personal Training Course : This course helped me realise how much I have neglected the rest of my body by only focusing on running . It has also given me a basis to give other people advice on running and working out . I still have a long way to go . . . the exam . But the course was intense and a lot of fun . 10 . Greece : Hands down or in the case of these pictures hands up the running experience of the year and maybe the decade . This race was the most amazing racing experience to date . 2011 has been a pretty remarkable year . It has been fun reflecting on these accomplishments . I 'm ready to celebrate with my family and friends . Here 's to a wonderful year and looking toward building upon these accomplishments in 2012 ! Today was the third and last day of the classroom portion of my course . We didn 't finish until 4 : 55 this afternoon . I think the whole class was hoping for an earlier finish to avoid rush hour traffic , but there was too much material to cover . Although it was a bit hard to not be home with the kids , I am happy I signed up for this training when I did . Our class was a perfect size and the instructor was great . I still have to study my butt off for the theory exam and then work on the practical portion of the exam . There is quite a bit of studying and work I have left to do . But for the next few days I will be taking it easy and enjoying time with my family . I also find it nice to reflect back on the year past and think about goals I would like to set for myself this year . Right now I am looking forward to sleeping in my own bed with my own house sounds around me . I 've had a few days of early mornings . Tuesday I was up at 4 : 30 to leave for Toronto , Wednesday I was up at 5 : 45 to make sure I had enough time to catch the subway in the morning and this morning , I woke up at 4am to maintenance staff working on a water problem until I left for class in the morning . I did complain to the staff at the front desk and they paid for my parking which was almost the cost of one night at the hotel . . . so I felt a bit better . During our stay in Toronto , it statrted to snow . The drive home was a little slow due to the weather . Gina did a great job drive and we had a little giggling fit on the way home about the way slush sounded under her tires . We both thought the sleep deprivation was getting to us . I arrived home to a winter wonderland . We will be able to go tobogganing and build a snowman tomorrow . I am also hoping to go out for a run tomorrow as well . . . time for those gortex shoes again . Well its 8 : 53 and I am ready to crash . Yesterdays early morning wake up and a full day of working out has taken its toll . Today we learned or re - learned proper techniques for weight lifting and cardio machines as well as alternate forms of exercise . It was a lot to learn and very interesting . I 've been finding myself thinking about my training and how building strength in the areas I 've neglected will help me with my running . Its tough to try to come up with a plan to take the time to build strength and fit in the training I want to do for my races . Since I 'm no allowed to post pictures in the gym I took a picture to my lunch . Thrilling I know - a veggie burger with grilled veggies from Casey 's . I would not recommend this lunch before a maximum heart rate test . . . just saying . While I was busy learning how to train people at the gym , Dan and the girls went to the Science Centre . He sent all kinds of pictures of the girls playing and learning . Whoo - cool picture . It was a great day for them . Tomorrow they are going to see Disney on Ice before heading home . I 've been up since 4 : 30 this morning and am still going relatively strong . It is only 8 : 20 so I hope I can last a bit longer . Gina picked me up this morning at 5 : 30 to head out to the city . We made great time and were at the Goodlife Fitness Centre at 7 : 20 - the class didn 't start until 8 , but its was nice not be rushed . The morning flew by , actually the whole day did . We didn 't work out but spent the entire day in the classroom . Tomorrow we will be in the gym in the morning , then back to the classroom . I 've learned a lot in just one day and am looking forward to applying everything we 've covered . After class I met up with Dan and the girls . I think I mentioned we booked a room at the Delta Chelsea through Price Line . The girls love this hotel . The rooms are on the smallish side for 4 people , but the staff is great . Like I just said , my bags are packed . The kids bags are packed and we are ready to to . Gina will be picking me up at 5 : 30 tomorrow morning . I have everything by the door . My coffee maker is set and I have two alarms set . Dan will be driving down with the girls later in the day to check into the hotel . I 'm sure they 'll have swam for at least an hour before I see them . heaven forbid anyone 's stomach should growl . I do find it much less expensive and easier to have breakfast in our room and at least a few snacks for me and definately the kids when we are travelling . The girls will be having cereal and fruit and I 'll be having Vegan Overnight Oats . I 'm not sure what will be going on in our course . We 've been told to bring our books , workout clothes and enthusiasm . Which there will be no shortage of with Gina around . I won 't be able to post any pictures from the course , but I 'll try to check in between swimming with the kids and trying not to be too tired and let you know how it goes . I love my new hooded sweater . It will be great to wear after I get back from running or before the start of a race . I 'm very excited to try out my new compression socks they really help my calves feel better while I 'm running . The gloves , hat and pants were perfect for the run I went on today to help work off my food baby I built up at brunch before making another one at dinner . But most of all Santa , thank you for my shiny new purple laptop . It will make blogging and everything else I do at home on a computer so much easier . I 'm glad you didn 't put me on the naughty list if you heard me while I was trying to post the pictures from Greece . Isn 't it crazy how we all run around in the days leading up to Christmas and then bam ! its here ? This week was really busy with Christmas parties and visits but everything was fun and I caught up with friends and was able to wish everyone a Merry Christmas . This morning I had a festive run . I didn 't get a picture of myself to post but let 's just say it involved red and green polka dot socks and a head band with candy canes . We 've had Christmas dinner in the early afternoon at my mother and father - in - laws house . With 8 kids its was Christmas mayhem which is expected and fun for the kids . We 're now back at home . The girls are staying up later than usual watching the Sound of Music and playing with their new toys . I made an appetizers to have just to tide us over until tomorrow . . . because we haven 't eaten enough today . Saute onion and mushrooms in the butter and olive oil . When then onions are soft and golden add the red pepper and cook until heated through . Unroll the pastry . Cut into 9 squares and pinch a rim around the outside of each square ( it doesn 't have to be pretty ) . Spread the goat cheese on each of the squares . Top with onion mixture . Grind pepper on top of each piece . Bake for 20 minutes or until crust is golden at 375 . Let 's be brave ! Let 's break out the juicer that 's collecting dust in the basement , crack open the veggie tray , pull out a bunch of produce before it gets gross and make something out of it . Something that is supposed to be super healthy and make us feel great . And we will drink whatever the concoction we come up with because its good for us ! Whatever . Seriously I 've never been a big juicer . It is a lot of work . It takes a lot of vegetables ( vegetables that I think I should really be eating to get all of the fiber and other important stuff vegetables give me ) to make one little glass of juice . Then after I have my little cup of juice I have to clean all of that up . . . and will all of my effort even taste good ? I 've read a lot on line about how great juicing is and I do see the reasoning behind it . All of those vegetables pulverised into that glass . Truthfully its a lot easier to go to booster juice and get them to make it . . . but if you 're feeling brave . . . and ambitious you can make them at home . I am really doing more than just baking - although today it feels like that 's all I 've been doing . Baking and visiting . But . . . . yesterday I ran . I wanted to bail - it was really cold outside . It was minus14 with the wind chill . A bunch of runners from my group were doing a 10k route that I 've ran a bazillion times and is not my favourite . And another smaller group was going around 15k . I ended up running with the 15k group . The first 5k of the run I ran on my own , and the rest I ran with Mike and Bob . It was fun , we chatted about running ( ironic ) and Mike talked about all the different races he 's ran . It didn 't feel like an hour plus long run . Today I baked a yule log for my mother - in - law 's birthday . I named it a Birthday Log . I combined a recipe for the cake with my own recipes and it turned out amazing if I can toot my own horn . I didn 't get a really good picture of this cake before everyone arrived , but take my word for it - it was delicious . This cake is really really rich so make sure you have lots of people around to help you eat it . Beat egg yolks with sugar until light yellow and they form a ribbon like texture - about 5 - 7 minutes . Stir in melted chocolate . Beat egg whites with remaining 2 tablespoons of sugar and salt until stiff peaks form . Fold chocolate mixture into egg whites . Spread on a parchment lined jelly roll pan and bake at 350 for 15 minutes . Cover cake with a damp tea towel . Carefully peel cake from parchment paper . Spread the cream cheese filling evening over the cake . Roll the cake into a jelly roll from the long side . Once rolled , place the cake on a serving tray . Ice the cake making it look like bark on a tree if you would like . Dust with icing sugar to look like snow . I have reluctantly started to read my manuals for my personal training course . I 'm not sure why I 've been putting it off . Normally I 'm all over any on line articles about fitness . Maybe its because there is a test involved and my performance anxiety is creeping up again . I made a deal with myself that if I read the first chapter and completed the on line component I would post about something fun . So my lesson is done and no - I didn 't get everything perfect . Nothing happened when I got the answer wrong by the way . I 'm not sure what I thought would happen - maybe some super fit trainer with chiseled abs would yell " WRONG ANSWER ! " at me . I actually did enjoy it and contemplated going ahead with chapter two over posting . . . but I have pretty pictures . This post has nothing to do with running . . . again . But it is about travelling . Over the past few years I have travelled a bit . Some of my trips were with my kids and some without . We decided on our first trip to buy a Christmas ornament for wherever we were . I 've read that some people think its hokey , but these decorations are some of my favourites . Every year when we decorate our tree and pull out these ornaments , they remind me of the trip I was on when I bought them . I find that I am usually reflecting on the past year during the holidays and the ornaments help remind me of the amazing vacations I 've been on . I went on this trip with my family when my girls were 15 months old and 3 years old in 2007 . It was a fun trip . We saw icebergs and toured around the island for a bit . Banff We went to Banff in 2008 . We stayed in a condo style hotel which had a great water slide and indoor playground for the kids . The scenery was beautiful , but the hotel made the trip for the kids . Our whole family went to Jamaica for my sister 's wedding in 2009 . It was beautiful . The resort we stayed at was a family resort with a great water slide and pool for the kids . The girls have been asking to go back every year . You all know about Greece this year . There were tons of ornaments being sold at all the tourist places , but I only saw this bell in two shops . I thought it was perfect for our tree . OK not quite as hip looking as I had hoped but still exciting for me nonetheless . In case you haven 't guessed I 've decided to take a personal training course . I 've been talking about signing up for this course for almost a year now . Whether I switch careers and become a personal trainer or not isn 't really on the horizon . But I am really excited about starting something new and learning ways to improve my overall fitness and knowledge . The timing of the course has meant a few changes to my overall running plans for the rest of the year . I had almost signed up for the Boxing Day Race in Hamilton , but when I was at Gina 's party , she mentioned she was going to take this course and I asked if I could tag along . The course runs from December 27 - 29th and is in Toronto so I felt I couldn 't drag my family to a race and then leave them for three days during the holidays . We are actually going to work this into a bit of a get away for the girls . We 'll be staying in the big smoke for two nights . Dan will take the girls to the ROM and an ice show while I 'm at the course and then we 'll all go swimming and hang out in the evening . Gina is staying at the same hotel and is an ' Aunt ' to my girls so they will be thrilled . I 'm really hoping that I learn techniques in this course to help balance the stress running puts on my body . I am also hoping to get strong in other areas besides my legs ( ie my upper body ) and hopefully improve my overall running skills . As the year is winding down , I 've been reflecting on my past accomplishments and missed goals and where I want to go for next year . I think I 'm going to look at this course as an early New Year 's resolution . The timing of this course has also created a bit of extra work for me during this Christmas season because I have to review the course material before the classes start . Oh well , at least I find this stuff interesting . I used to make at least 5 different types of cookies each Christmas . I would eat a ton of cookies and then package them up and take them to my co - workers , neighbours and family members . Now I make my favourites - chocolate chip shortbread , chocolate covered peanut butter balls , ginger cookies and sometimes chocolate almond bark . Typing that out , it sounds like a lot but they are all very quick cookies to make - none require rolling out or cutting . This year I decided that I would try to modify my chocolate covered peanut butter balls from basically a mixture of peanut butter and icing sugar to make them a bit more nutritionally dense . I decided to use non bake protein bars as a base . There are tons of recipes on line for protein bars . I modified mine from this recipe . http : / / ohsheglows . com / 2010 / 12 / 02 / chocolate - dipped - chocolate - chip - cookie - dough - balls / from Oh She Glows - I seem to have a cooking crush on this website lately . In a food processor , process the cashews and oatmeal until they form a fine powder . Add protein powder , peanut butter , dates , syrup , vanilla and hemp . Process again until the mixture forms a rough ball . Roll dough into bite size balls and place on a parchment lined cookie sheet . Place cookies in the freezer for at least 30 minutes . Melt chocolate chips and margarine either on the stove top or microwave , watching closely as chocolate can burn quickly . Using two forks , dip and roll the protein balls in the chocolate . Once coated , put back on cookie sheet . When finished , return to the freezer until the chocolate has set - about 30 minutes . Store protein balls in a covered container in the freezer . Follow up taste - test I do wish these were a bit more peanut buttery tasting but they are still great and I 'm happy to add a bit more protein to my diet . Maybe next time I would add less cashews and more peanut butter . I did taste the vanilla flavouring in the protein powder , but it was not over whelming . The real taste test will happen when my husband discovers these . If I still have some left in a week - either he didn 't find my hiding spot or doesn 't like them . I haven 't posted any race recaps for a while . So here is a suitable seasonal one . My tenth and final run of 2009 was the Burlington Santa Claus Run . This was a fun run . Everyone in this race is dressed in a Santa Suit including a beard . I have to admit that I had a bit of a wardrobe malfunction . My belt ( along with hundreds of others ) broke in the cold weather . They ended up all over the course . But given the fact that thousands of inexpensive Santa Suits are required , a quality belt may not be high on the priority list . This race is pretty cool to run in because everyone is in red and white . I did not consider this race anything more than a training run or a form of entertainment . You are wearing a Santa suit after all . I would suggest having a meeting spot picked out for after the finish line prior to the the race in case you end up separated from your group . There is a great breakfast following the race and given the popularity of the race in recent years , new venues have been added to accommodate the increase in runners . The year I ran this race , you could not buy breakfast for spectators so we ended up going somewhere else for breakfast , but the people who I spoke with who did stay said the food was great . I also recreated the ginger beet juice I had in Greece . I 'll post that recipe later along with a few other juice recipes . Other than that I have been eating pretty well . Nothing too outrageous . Next week may be another story . I have 2 lunches out and a Christmas party both Friday and Saturday . But like I said in my last post - its not worth stressing about overeating , just try to balance it out . As for the chilling out part . . . . today was one of those crazy days . The full moon is supposed to be Saturday so maybe weird things were just getting a head start . My husband left this morning on a guys weekend and I had to have him dropped off on my way to work to leave for the airport . We also had to put our kids on the bus . Here 's where the wheels fell off . . . I forgot my parking pass in a different vehicle ( long story ) , when I put my daughter on the bus , I forgot to hand her her skates she needed for school today . When I dropped her skates off ( which made my husband late ) I didn 't see her teacher . No one noticed the skates in the classroom , my daughter was calling me and my father - in - law to bring her the skates . . . you get the picture . By the time the afternoon rolled around things were much better . I was feeling like Murphy 's law was no longer ruling my life . In fact , I had survived the morning and what doesn 't drive you batty only makes you . . . who knows . I felt brave enough to take care of some of the stuff I need to for Christmas . What I am about to post is not life changing or anything you haven 't heard a million times before about avoiding weight gain during the holiday season . This information is more like my goals I am going to try to achieve during the holidays to avoid having to add loose 5 pounds to my New Year 's Resolution list . Feel free to join me or add your own thoughts . Get enough sleep . I put this first because I really believe that sleep is the foundation to good health . I know how crappy I feel if I don 't get at least 7 hours of sleep a night . ( I know to some of you that is a lot ) . But when you feel tired you don 't have energy to work out and speaking for myself , I will reach for sugary foods or coffee after coffee to give me the pick up I need to get through the day . Exercise - duh ! I am aiming to workout everyday even if it is just a half an hour walk . My workout schedule for the next few weeks is pretty intense to finish up some of the classes I 've signed up for . Some days I am working out twice , but its usually yoga and running . If I feel tired I lessen the intensity . I think its a pretty safe to assume we are all exposed to and eating foods that are higher fat and calories than normal . These extra calories need to be burned . Also exercise releases endorphins and helps us cope with the extra pressure we feel this time of year . I know its easy to think - I don 't have time . But if you make yourself I priority , I feel its much easier to handle the extra stress that we have around this time of year . Eat right - duh and duh . ( Told you this wasn 't earth shattering ) . I love food . I don 't think its a big secret that I do . I like buttery , sugary cookies and rich creamy stuff and sometimes I eat it a bit like cookie monster . But I try to balance out big dinners and treats with the good stuff . If I 'm going to a party I make sure I have healthier breakfasts and lunches partly so I feel less guilty about indulging later and partly so I don 't feel like crap from eating terrible food all day . Chill out . This is the last and most important point in my opinion . This is supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year - right . So why are we so uptight about buying the perfect gift for our kid 's bus driver , baking 80 dozen different cookies and sending Chirstmas cards to your fifth cousin who you haven 't actually ever talked to . ( I don 't actually know anyone who does those things , but you get the point ) . The bottom line is that we need to figure out what is really important at Christmas - your kids , your hubs , the parents - YOU . The rest are nice to haves . The thing I am looking forward to the most in the pre Christmas frenzy is watching Elf with my girls , baking cookies with my mom and my ' work ' dinner with my husband . I will have fun at the other engagements and will enjoy being with my friends and family but all of those events are happening because I 've decided I want to attend those other events as well and am grateful to have those people in my life . That 's it for my unsolicited advice on holiday weight and stress gain . Its really about balancing all of the above . We need to cut ourselves some slack and not expect perfection . Chill out and have a happy festive season . As for me - I 'll try not to completely lose it when I bake my absolute favourite Christmas cookies . So we 've begun the month of December and in with it comes the season of parties and eating - at least for me it seems . I 'll post more about my thoughts on the food workout balance during this time of year later this week . Today I have a post for an awesome - but admittedly high fat and not very nutritionally dense treat but it is very delicious . It is after all just that a treat . Two things motivated this recipe for me . The first was my visit to Langdon Hall last month where I had the most amazing scones . My favourite was the maple scone with honey butter that felt like it melted in my mouth . My second inspiration was at a recent get together I attended at my friend Gina 's house . Here 's a shot taken by Dan . Can you guess the secret ingredient ? If you guessed the wine - you 'd be close . Just kidding I 'd rather drink it that bake with it . The cranberries . And Gina was coming over this afternoon to discuss something rather big coming up for both of us in the near future that I 'll post about soon . ( No - its not baby related ) . This afternoon I attempted to recreate the scones I had at Langdon Hall with my own twists added . I have a go - to tea biscuit recipe I use all the time so I modified it . I used real butter instead of margarine , added vanilla and cinnamon , and substituted some of the sugar for maple syrup . I think next time , I 'd substitute out all of the sugar for maple syrup . In a bowl whisk together dry ingredients . Cut in butter . ( A lot of recipes say to use 2 knives . I 've never figured out how to do this . I find a fork works better ) . In a separate bowl , mix together wet ingredients . Make a well in the centre of the dry ingredients and pour the wet in . Mix together until just combined . Mix in cranberries . I think the key to light tasting flaky scones or tea biscuits is to handle this dough at little as possible . Form into a circle and sprinkle with cinnamon sugar . Using a pizza cutter or a large knife , cut into 8 wedges . Separate and bake at 425 for 15 - 20 minutes . Let cool . Serve with honey butter and marmalade . Posted by It has taken me a lot longer than I thought it would to go through the pictures from Greece and create this post . Between a sick child requiring multiple visits to the doctor 's office and a vehicle that has been parked inside a mechanic shop for awhile I haven 't had the time I 'd like to pick a few pictures from our vacation . Almost all of these were taken by my official race photographer - my hubs . This is not Greece . This is Rome on the tarmac where we landed after flying from Toronto . We had to take a bus , go through crazy Roman security , race to our gate , get on another bus which dropped us off at the same spot we had gotten on the first bus . The day after we went to Hydra , we took a tour to Delphi to see the Temple of Apollo . I didn 't find the Oracle , but we had fun . At this point in our vacation , another couple had also joined us - Brad and Carey . The tour group was a little slow for our pace , but the bus ride to Delphi was quite nice . After we went to Delphi , we went out for dinner at a restaurant called Strophi . Tracey & I are drinking ouzo the proper way - over ice and sipping it . Opa ! There were so many shots I 'm missing . But its wayyyy passed my bedtime . I have gone on a few other vacations with great pictures that I think I will post on . Look for New York in the near future . Sadly I have yet to run there . . . but someday ! This site and related sites provide wellness management in an informational and educational manner only , with information that is general in nature and that is not specific to you , the reader . The contents of this site are intended to assist you and other readers in your personal wellness efforts . Consult your physician regarding the applicability of any information provided in our websites to you . Nothing in this site should be construed as personal advice or diagnosis , and must not be used in this manner . The information provided about conditions is general in nature . This information does not cover all possible uses , actions , precautions , side - effects , or interactions of medicines , or medical procedures . The information in this site should not be considered as complete and does not cover all diseases , ailments , physical conditions , or their treatment . You should consult with your physician before beginning any exercise , weight loss , or health care program . This site should not be used in place of a call or visit to a competent health - care professional . You should consult a health care professional before adopting any of the suggestions in this site or before drawing inferences from it . Any decision regarding treatment and medication for your condition should be made with the advice and consultation of a qualified health care professional . If you have , or suspect you have , a health - care problem , then you should immediately contact a qualified health care professional for treatment .
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Make sure you read the whole post because I have updates about my cancer , job , and a PARTY ! ! ! First of all , I am officially FINISHED with my chemotherapy treatments ! ! ! Monday , the 10th was my last treatment , and it went well . Tuesday I went for my last shot . I 'm feeling great ! I 'll have another PET Scan in mid September just for a check - up and an appointment with my oncologist . After that , I 'll have check - ups about every three months for a couple years , then the time between check - ups will increase . My hair is still coming back in . It is probably about an inch long now and its very soft . It started out really light blond , but now its looking more brown . That might be because the brown hair shows up better , or maybe my hair 's just going to be brown . I 'll just have to wait and see ! So far it isn 't curly , but that could still change too . I 'm very excited about my job , and now know for sure what I 'm teaching . I will have the 8th grade homeroom ( with some help from the teacher who used to do it ) so I will have some field trips later in the year . We 'll go to Jefferson City , a Cardinals game , a retreat , and I 'll be in charge of 8th grade graduation . I will be teaching both Social Studies and Religion for 6th , 7th , and 8th grade . The plan right now is to have Social Studies 3 days a week , and Religion 2 days a week . I will also be teaching Algebra 1 every day to some of the 8th graders . Matthew and my cousin Taylor ( who is about to start high school ) have been helping me so much in my classroom . I think its almost finished ! I 've also had help from mom and dad . Mom made curtains for me , the two of them put my computer chair and bar stools together , and Dad is building a podium for me ! I start school on Monday , with an Open House that night , and my students start Wednesday . I 'm excited and nervous both at the same time . I 'm still waiting on class lists and some of my teacher manuals . I think once I have all of that , I 'll feel a lot better . Immaculate Conception is a great school with a lot of technology and resources . I realPosted by I know its been awhile since my last update . It seemed like I kept getting good news and I wanted to wait a little longer and update about all of it at once . I am now 5 / 6 of the way through my treatments . That means 10 of my 12 treatments are finished . Treatment number 11 is on the 28th ( less than a week away ) . I 've been doing much better since I started getting my shot the day after chemo . I don 't have to worry as much about what I eat because my white counts don 't get / stay so low . On to more good news . . . I GOT A JOB ! ! ! I will be teaching 6th , 7th , and 8th grade at Immaculate Conception in Jackson . They didn 't have a teacher leave , but the classes are pretty big so they decided to add another Jr . High teacher . So , I don 't know for sure yet what I will be teaching because they 're deciding what they want to take from the other teachers and give to me . Originally , the position was for Social Studies and Religion , but because I have extra certification in Math they 're talking about giving me some Math . Although I don 't know my classes , I do have keys and a classroom . Thanks to my friends and former coworkers at SEMO ( who gave me a gift card when I left ) , I was able to get some general decoration type stuff already ! Matthew , two of my cousins , and I got some decorations and started working on my room . It looks so much better with some color ! I 'm very excited about my job and I think I 'm really going to love it there ! One more awesome thing . . . I also got a new car ! The cars I have been driving since turning 16 have been hand - me - downs and have belonged to my parents . They 've been good cars , but in our family when you graduate from college you either get your own car , or buy the car you 've been driving from mom and dad . I hadn 't done this yet because I was unable to work full - time . I 'm very grateful to mom and dad for letting me wait a little longer , but after getting a job I decided it was time to get a car . I ended up getting a 2010 Mazda 3 i Touring . It has a moonroof ( which I have always wanted ) and built in bluetooth . IPosted by I 'm sorry it has been so long since I last updated . Life has been pretty busy . Wedding season has started . Matt and I were invited to eight weddings this summer and we 're trying to make it to as many of them as possible . Lately I 've been doing much better with the chemo . I don 't get sick like I did in the earlier months of my treatment . I 'm back to doing most of the stuff I did before , I just have to rest a little more often . I was even able to spend a week in Orange Beach , Alabama with Matt and his dad 's family . I rested a lot , but felt great the whole time . After we got back I ended up in the hospital again . We 're not really sure why . On a Monday night I started getting chills so we took my temp and it was 101 which means its ER time . By the time we got to the hospital my temp had already gone down on its own , but my white counts were low so again I couldn 't go home until they came back up . I felt fine and didn 't want to be in the hospital , but I knew I had to to be safe . By Thursday my counts were finally ( and just barely ) up enough for me to go home . Being in the hospital pushed my treatments back again . It stinks , but hopefully it won 't happen again . Right now my last treatment is set for August 12 . They still have me on antibiotics to try to keep me from getting infections , and now they also have me on a shot to help with the white counts . The day after chemo I go back to get my shot and it tricks my body into thinking I have an infection so it will produce extra healthy white blood cells . This should help to keep me out of the hospital . The only other problem I 'm having is the heat . I get over heated really easy these days so I have to be extra careful . That 's probably most of the news I have . Other than all of this , I 'm just trying to find a job . The hunt hasn 't been going so well so any prayers would be greatly appreciated . As always , thank you for your love , support , and prayers . In one week I will have treatment number 9 of 12 . We 're almost there ! Last week I spent a few days in the hospital . The doctor had told us all along that if I had a fever of 100 . 5 or higher , I should go to the ER . Last Sunday ( the 3rd ) I felt fine , but right before bed we checked my temp and it was about 99 . 8 . All day Monday I felt pretty crummy , but my temp was always 99 . something . At about 10 : 00 Monday night my temp got to 100 . 6 so we went to the ER . When we got there they gave me antibiotics through an IV and decided I needed to stay because my white blood cell counts were too low ( which is caused by the chemo ) . Finally Wednesday morning my counts were back up and I had been over 24 hours without a fever so I got to go home . While in the hospital and at the doctor 's office when I was leaving the hospital , I got some good news . MY CANCER IS PRETTY MUCH GONE ! ! ! ! ! My last scan was clear ! This doesn 't mean the battle is over . I still have chemo ( which sometimes makes me sick ) because we have to make sure every single cell is gone and we have to prevent the cancer from coming back . Also , because of my time spent in the hospital , my chemo treatments have all been pushed back a little bit . As of right now , my last treatment is scheduled for August 5 ! Thank you again for all your prayers and support ! Please keep them coming . God bless ! Treatment number four was harder than number three . I had more bad days than good days , but it got better . Last week we got good news . I had another PET scan Tuesday and a doctors appointment Wednesday . My doctor was VERY happy with the PET scan results . He said there 's no new cancer , and what was there is going away . He also said that as well as looking good for current progress , the scan also looked good for long term treatment . We talked about which treatment plan we would use . We 're planning on sticking to the 12 chemo treatments and no radiation . The only reason we 'd stop chemo and do radiation would be if the chemo started to make me too sick . Last week was also fun because I got to get out of the house and have some fun . While in college I was on Exec Board for Student Activities Council and last week they had their big Spring Fling events . I was feeling good so I went to the events , got to see people , and had a great time ! I also had a lot of fun over the weekend . The third graders where I coach cheerleading did a project this year to raise money for the Relay for Life . They cooked in class , had mystery chefs teach them to cook things , and made cookbooks that they sold . When I got my cookbook I was very touched to see that they included a picture of me in their dedication . I was also very touched because they asked me to walk with them at the Relay . It was a great experience and I will definitely go back next year . I even got third in the frozen t - shirt contest ! ( They soaked shirts , folded them , put them in big ziplock bags , and stuck them in a freezer until they were solid . Then we had to race to see who could get their shirt on first . ) I had treatment number five Friday . So far its been going okay . Right now I 've got sinus junk , but hopefully that will get better soon . I 'm still working on trying to get a job . Its a little frustrating , but I know God has a plan for me and I just have to be patient . I 'm sorry it has been so long since my last update . I had some days when I didn 't feel well , then on some of my good days I substitute taught , and I 've been busy lately . Here 's an overview of what 's been going on . Three weeks ago I got rid of the hair . I wasn 't feeling good and it had already been coming out in big clumps . I couldn 't stand it anymore and my scalp hurt so badly . At about 10 pm I decided I wanted to cut it so I called Matt , he came out to my house , and Dad used a beard trimmer to buz my head . I felt so much better after that and it really wasn 't as hard for me as I thought it would be . Since then most of the little hairs have fallen out ( partially because I lint rolled my head to get them out ) , but some are still hanging on . I do have two wigs , but I don 't wear them as much as I thought I would . I 'm much more comfortable in a hat , and when I 'm at home I usually don 't wear anything on my head at all . My second chemo treatment was worse then the first . I had a lot of chest pain with my first treatment , so they gave me pain meds to help with that for my second treatment . The pain meds had side effects that caused other problems for me and I felt pretty bad . My third treatment was so much better than the first two . I didn 't have any pain in my mouth at all ! I did have a couple bad days , but overall I 've felt a lot better . Matt and I were even able to make a trip to St . Louis to see his mom for her birthday . We had a lot of fun and I can 't wait to go back again ! Lately , I 've been working on applying for jobs for next school year . I 've had one interview already and I have more applications almost ready to turn in . My next treatment is this Friday . I hope it goes as well as the third one . After Friday I will be one - third of the way finished with my treatments ! I have a shorter update this time . Yesterday I went back to the oncologist and then got my second chemo treatment . There is a chance that my treatments to get rid of this lymphoma might change . The original plan was to have 4 cycles ( 8 treatments ) of chemo , then a month off , then a month ( 20 treatments ) of radiation . This plan would increase my risk of breast cancer , heart problems , and thyroid problems because of where they would have to aim the radiation . I 'd have to start getting mammograms at age 30 , and have regular heart and thyroid tests . After doing more research and talking with his other lymphoma colleagues , my oncologist is considering a plan 2 . This plan would involve 6 cycles ( 12 treatments ) of chemo and no radiation . He said that with plan one my chance of being cured and having no more lymphoma problems would be just decimals better , but it would bring with it the other risks . My chance of no more lymphoma problems with plan 2 would be just decimals worse , but I would have no other risks . We , along with the doctor have decided to wait a little longer to see how well the chemo is doing and to make sure the chemo is working as well as we think . We won 't be able to tell how well it 's working until I do my next PET Scan in about a month . We have until about May or June to decide for sure . My doctor 's going to do more research and talk to more doctors so they can make sure they 're doing what 's best for me . I think I can stand another 2 months of chemo and 2 months with now hair if it means I don 't increase my risks for all that other stuff . P . S . If you don 't have a blogspot account but want to respond , you can e - mail me at renee . essner @ gmail . com So this update isn 't as happy a I hoped it would be , but it seems like everything is going to work out fine . Matt and I made it to Ash Grove / Springfield last weekend to visit his family and get our engagement pictures taken . I was very happy with how our pictures turned out and it was great to see his family , but the weekend was hard . Friday afternoon I started to have pain and kind of a tingle in my mouth , jaw , and tongue . At first it was just kind of annoying , but by Saturday night it was very painful . It took a lot of phone calls , but Matt and his family eventually got a hold of a doctor who called in a prescription . The pharmacist in Ash Grove actually took the call at home and opened the store so we could get the medicine I needed to help with the problem in my mouth . I don 't know what I would have done without Matthew 's family . They were so helpful and kept running to get things to try to help me . I 'm really lucky to have such awesome future in - laws ! Sunday my mouth wasn 't great , but it was starting to get better . Matt and I got home Sunday night and I had planned on going to work Monday , but that didn 't happen . Sunday night and most of the day Monday I had really severe pain in the areas where my swollen lymph glands ( the cancer ) are . Although it wasn 't any fun , I agree with my brother - in - law that its kind of cool that the chemo is working and that I can actually feel it attacking the bad cells . Anyways , after the pain came the vomiting . For a few days I wasn 't able to keep anything down . Tuesday I went back to work . I talked to the principal and assistant principal and gave up my job . I had hoped I 'd be able to only miss one day every other week and that the weekend would be enough time for me to recover , but it looks like the chemo 's going to be harder on me than that . I thought it would be better for my students to have a teacher who could be there all the time . Also , its a lot more work for me to miss school than to be there . I 'm sad about having to leave Jackson , but its cutting out a lot of stress and Posted by I have some good updates this time ! First of all , on Friday ( Feb 20 ) I decided that I didn 't want to deal with trying on dresses in a wig . I talked to my mom and sister , and Matt called his mom and everyone cleared their schedules to come dress shopping on Saturday . At first I wasn 't sure I 'd find the right one , but after trying on many dresses , the owner brought out a dress that I would have never picked on my own . I wasn 't even sure I liked it on the hanger , but I put it on fell in love with it ! Monday and Tuesday I went back to work . Tuesday was horrible , I had to be at the hospital at 6 : 30 for a breathing test . It took forever . Then I went to school which was even worse , from catching girls stealing candy to catching boys cheating on a test , to having a parent start to accuse me for her son 's problems with Math ( luckily Mrs . Welker was there to stand up for me and prove the parent wrong ) . Parent teacher conferences lasted until 8 , then I had more stuff to finish before being gone for 2 days , so I ended up not leaving until 9 : 30 . Wednesday was the good news day . I went back to my oncologist . He looked at my test results and staged my cancer at a 2A . 2 means that there are lumps in 2 locations ( my chest and neck ) and A means that I don 't have any of the other symptoms that go along with the cancer . He also told us that I will only need 4 cycles ( 8 treatments ) of chemo and then some radiation . He said that there are good patients who are easy to cure and do well with the treatments , and there are bad patients who have a much harder time . He told me that I was a really good patient and this should be no problem . I go back to him in 2 weeks . After my appointment with the oncologist I got my first chemo treatment . It took a lot longer than normal because they had to talk to me and give me all the side effects of the drugs . They also had to give me test amounts of some of them to make sure I didn 't have bad reactions . I did well with the chemo and slept through most of it . After I got home , I felt a little sick to my sPosted by I know I promised updates , but I decided to wait until after my appointment with the oncologist today . So here are all the updates since my last note . . . On Feb 11 ( the day after surgery ) I went back to the ENT to get the drain removed and a couple more stitches added . It hurt a little , but not too bad . I did well on the 11th and 12th . On the 13th I went back to work . My students were very happy to see me . I did pretty well most of the day . My head and neck hurt some and I was tired , but overall things were good . My wonderful husband - to - be met me at school after work and helped me get things ready for the following week and lug my piles of papers that needed to be graded to my car . During the day my stomach began to hurt a little , but I didn 't think much of it . By the end of the night I was pretty sick . We thought I was having a bad reaction to my antibiotic so we called the doctor and he told me to stop taking it . That didn 't make things better so we realized that I just had a stomach virus . By late Monday night I was finally able to keep food down . On Monday ( the 16th ) I went back to the ENT to get my stitches out and he gave us the results of the biopsy . I have a type of Hodgkin Disease ( or Hodgkin lymphoma ) called Nodular Sclerosis . I don 't really know what it means , but I do know that its even easier to treat than non - Hodgkin lymphoma . I stayed home from school Tuesday because my body was still a little weak from the stomach virus and all that . Today , Wednesday ( the 18th ) I had my appointment with the oncologist . First , however , I went to school for a few hours , got a note from yesterday 's sub saying that my class was one of the worst she 's ever had , chewed them out , and took away recess . ( They weren 't too happy with me , but the sub today said they were much better than they had been last week . ) My oncologist is a very nice man . He works at Barnes in St . Louis and comes down to Cape one day a week . He is a lympoma specialist and that 's pretty much all he deals with in St . Louis . He got things started right away . Posted by I figured I 'd write a note to tell about what 's been going on lately and how I found out I had cancer . In about mid December I noticed that my lymp glad was swollen . I figured it was no big deal because I seem to get sick everytime the weather changes and after a little while the swelling went down . This time it was a little different because the swelling came back after a little while . It didn 't cause me any pain , it just looked like there was a ping pong ball in my neck . I didn 't really have time to go to the doctor because I was graduating from college on December 20 , then there was Christmas , then traveling to St . Louis and Springfield to visit the best future in - laws in the world . After we got back from traveling I had one day off before I started teaching in Jackson . I knew I needed to go to the doctor because the lump wasn 't going away this time . I really didn 't want to miss any school beacuse I had just started and I really love it there . I was off on Martin Luther King Jr day so that 's when I first went to my family doctor . He couldn 't figure out what was causing this ( usually with lymphoma you have a lot of swollen lymph gland and I only had one that was visible ) . He sent me that day for blood tests and the next week for a ct scan . The blood test showed that my iron was low ( no surprise to me ) so he put me on iron pills . The results of the ct scan made my doctor decide to sent me to an Ear Nose and Throat doctor beacuse he would know more about a case like this . My ENT noticed in the ct that I had a swollen lymph gland in my chest that and that same day did a needle biopsy . He had to tell me about all the possibilities of what it could be , but we were still hopeful . The results for the needle biopsy showed that it was suspicious for malignancy , which meant it could be cancer . That 's when he decided he needed to do surgery so they could do a full biopsy and get the lump out of my neck . I went to a preop a few days before the surgery and they drew more blood . ( I was never really afraid of needles but its gettPosted by In February 2009 I was diagnosed with Hodgkin Lymphoma . When news spread I got an amazing response from people who I know and even some I don 't who are praying for me . I 'm very grateful for that and thought those people might like to know how I 'm doing .
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Albany , Western Australia , when I was a kid growing up learning the game of tennis was home to so many outstanding players it was ridiculous . I believe it all stemmed from one man 's driving force , Holmsey . I was invited as a 14 year old to hit with both Pete and his mates on a weekly basis , either match play or drills . I remember one day Pete taking me to the indoor center and pausing for a moment before saying " Let 's play two sets " . I still remember the score , he killed me 3 and 1 but he told me my first set was great and his second set was one of his best sets . I wasn 't disappointed because it gave me that sense of where I was at with my tennis . I was also extremely fortunate to have one of the State 's best junior players living here in Albany , Mark Leuba . Now Mark was the number one ranked player in Western Australia for the 14 's age group , his standard was far superior to mine . Even though he lived in Albany , four hours from the State 's best players he was the bench mark , an outstanding talent coached by his father . I got to know Mark through the tennis club scene and we hit regularly in my fourteenth year . We didn 't drill , we just played sets , it was a fantastic way to experiment with the art of point construction . Between my tuition from Pete plus set play with Mark my standard went from fairly average to very competitive in a short time frame . I used to play Junior Club set play on Saturday mornings at the Country and Suburban Tennis Club ( C and S ) on Albany Highway then Senior Club in the afternoon . Doing the sums on how many hours I spent on court each Saturday I suppose at a rough count it may have been seven hours , enough time to get grooved . The reason why I eventually left C and S was because a Senior player accused me of hitting the ball too hard to older players ! I found this rather comical as I only ever hit with a heap of topspin , never with pace , I simply played a ' safe ' style . I suppose the generation gap in sport can sometimes be an issue particularly with the ' more experienced ' players . If these players are getting a run around from 13 and 14 year old kids then that can be degrading to some . Others will take up the challenge . That 's the thing about tennis . If you still feel that you can give something to the game as you get a little older and slower then that 's a good thing . While we are still breathing and can swing a racket it 's important to still test the mind and body . Tennis is a game that does both in many ways and it actually becomes clearer to understand as you gain experience . So my biggest area of improvement , like that puppy who needed to learn his limitations in life was to accept the fact that my game was so one dimensional it was laughable . I needed a volley . My only trips to the net were usually to shake hands and whilst this was good enough to beat the locals it was never going to be good enough to win against the better players . Pete started from the beginning with my volleys , the grip , the lack of follow through , the shoulder turn on the backhand volley in particular and the footwork . We worked on the approach shot also , the shot to get me into the net in the first place and the split step . There was no point in continuing the run to the net if the ball was on me before I got there , stop , split step , volley , then get in to finish the point . Pete would give me drills that were match situation type drills , realistic ones that were always going to come to fruition in a match . I vividly remember the approach shot drill . Pete would start me in ' green light ' territory , half way between the baseline and service line , feed me a short ball then get me moving forward . He would hit me a ball when I reached the service line , working on a good deep first volley in followed by a final move close to the net to finish the point . I liked this drill as it taught me basic things that I didn 't know about the game . Sometimes I would see kids trying to emulate their hero 's and with no disrespect it didn 't look quite right particularly on the net charge . Running in from the base line resembled a charge from soldiers in the trenches , there was never going to be enough time to get where they needed to be . If the balls are hit correctly then improvement will be just around the corner but during that session it is also an obligation to teach tactics also , the two go hand in hand . So it 's one thing to teach a student to hit a ball correctly , it 's another to teach them how to play tennis , one without the other is pointless . I learned from Pete that staying back and playing in the ' trenches ' will only make me predictable to play and cannon fodder for a smart player . Learning the approach and the net game was something I will be forever grateful to Holmsey for as it gave my tennis game a new found sense of freedom . I was out of the trenches and into the front line , dangerous yet strangely exciting . No longer the hunted I now felt like a hunter in search of prey . I was ready to implement the changes and become a more complete player . . . . . . . . . I am pretty sure that Dad knew Pete from the local Golf Club as tennis wasn 't his only sport , I heard he could also swing a golf club fairly well . Come to think of it Squash was another of Holmsey 's sports and he played this at the highest level also , I watched him play one day , impressive . Dad knew I needed to learn the intricacies of tennis and there was no better man to teach the game locally than Pete . Now my first introduction to Holmsey was from memory like meeting a Tennis Professional as I had seen him play at my local club and his standard was remarkably high . I also recall his unique way of talking about the game and the manner in which he spoke , he didn 't stop ! In fact Pete spoke so fast and so much that a tiny spot of saliva would form at the corner of his mouth as he would rattle off facts and figures . I was without a doubt in awe of his knowledge . I knew he could help me . I have always stated that it 's one thing to be able to hit a tennis ball , it 's another to be able to play tennis , Peter could do both plus he could teach it better than anyone by all reports . We ' hired ' Pete . From memory again I believe we initially paid him $ 12 an hour for him to teach me the finer points of the game which he eventually put up to $ 15 , Pete wasn 't in it for the money , obviously . That 's the one thing that struck me about Pete , he was generous , not in the game for the dollar , it was as though he just did it because he was bloody good at it and there was no one else to do it ! But he was passionate about it , the way he talked , the way he played and the way he taught the game , he was a man to be respected . The trips in his car out to the local tennis club were also educational as he would give me his version of what was going on in World Tennis and how to improve my game . I suppose that even though at the time I didn 't realize it I was not only getting taught on court , I was learning the game on the drive to and from the club also . I am sure I use his philosophies each time I do a lesson now days , you never forget who taught you to play the game and you never forget how you were taught . That tuition if it has substance will always be in the fore front of your mind if you teach it yourself one day . The tactical side of tennis is what will just about always beat the opposition who just have flair without the knowledge . Pete taught me tactics . Within 6 months of learning tactics with Pete I had a win over John that I will never forget . It was a night match at our indoor venue and I played John in a best of three match that I won 2 and 3 then in one more practice set I beat him 6 - 4 . I was learning how to play . Peter Holmes had a remarkably knowledgeable way of teaching tennis and I am disappointed that I was too young at the time to have really appreciated his input into my tennis . He gave my game substance that without his coaching would only have ever been ' tactical cannon fodder ' . Holmsey could walk the walk , talk the talk , he could have made a player out of a card board cut out , genius . . . . . . . . . The initial rounds were just one set matches and I got a free tennis lesson from this kid who I refer to still as ' Mr Tennis ' . I called him this because he was the best player I had seen , way better than all of the kids I had hit against at Junior Club on Saturday mornings . This guy was a player who actually knew tactics and how to play someone like me who could get a ball in but didn 't have a clue how to win a point . 6 - 0 to ' Mr Tennis ' . What disappointed me more than the loss was his rather cocky way of strutting around after the win and his official ' postmortem ' of our match to his mates . I had gone up to the board to see when my doubles match was to be played and I heard him say that ' Thompson 's weak ' . This was possibly my first real indication that I was playing a sport that was more than just a physical outing . It was a personality war , an ego battle , a way to gain a mental edge over somebody and it wasn 't just confined to the tennis court . My way of thinking was that it was an opportunity to have ' something ' over somebody after a win , sort of like owning a part of them , perhaps their mind . It was starting to make sense to me as i watched ' Mr Tennis ' strut around as a group of others would follow him , like a bunch of ducklings following their mother . This guy seemed to have an aura about him but I didn 't know why , after all he was just a fairly big kid who could hit a tennis ball well with an old wooden racket . Confusing . Being at your first ever tennis tournament gives you a view on the game that will probably stay with you forever , good or bad . Mine was bad . I didn 't like the way the good players strutted around and hung off the back fence asking their buddies for regular score updates . I didn 't like the lack of sympathy for the guys that got smashed , like me , and I didn 't like the ' posse ' style of hot shot players thinking they owned the place . I think they understood that it was a part of tournaments that I despised but I didn 't tell them that I had seen it at my first ever competition as a kid . Unfortunately the ' posse ' still exists and the modern day Coach turns a blind eye , not sure why as it reflects on their ' mentoring ' skills . There 's nothing wrong with a group of kids hanging out at a tournament but when they intimidate kids at the back of courts with their presence and score asking I find that disappointing . My first ever tennis tournament was a flop , I had hit thousands of tennis balls that accounted for nothing , I had no idea how to play tennis and I hated certain aspects of the tournament scene . Whilst I was not interested in getting around at a tournament with a group of sidekicks I was interested in having another shot at ' Mr Tennis ' . Perhaps that was my first sign of having an ego , a necessity for the sport of tennis . My next year of learning the game is not clear to me but all I remember was when I turned 14 I was a much better player than the one who got belted by the big guy 12 months earlier . The Albany Open that year unfortunately did not give me my return bout against ' Mr Tennis ' but the ' tennis gods ' were looking after me . I drew the younger brother of ' Mr Tennis ' in an early round , he was just as sure of his own importance as his older brother was . If ever there was a chance to right some wrongs of a year earlier this was it . I don 't forget too many matches or scores and I will never forget this one as I beat ' Young Mr Tennis ' by a score of 6 - 3 , I remember playing well . I made a point of walking close to this kid as he walked to his older brother and gave him the score . " You lost to Thompson " ? ? ! ! I didn 't hear the reply , I kept walking , mission accomplished . I won my age group that year and I had gotten some sweet revenge even though it was not against the guy I really wanted to beat but I had a moral victory . Tennis was a game that I knew I could play but I didn 't like certain aspects of the tournament scene , I still don 't . To this day I don 't ask people the score and I cringe when I see others do it , young or older players , a part of the game that should command common sense , yet it doesn 't . It is possibly home to more marriage proposals , particularly at the Eiffel Tower than anywhere else in the World . France has had a love affair with their Male Tennis Professionals for quite some time also and currently has 15 players in the top 115 money earners on the tour . The French have almost an embarrassment of riches as far as Tennis Professionals are concerned with Spain being the only other Country close to their success rate . So as far as the Davis Cup Final that was held in Lille in the North of France on the weekend it comes as a rather large surprise that the French team did not fair better . There is a site on the Web called ' 145 things to do in Lille , France ' . Perhaps the team Captain was more interested in doing some of these than fielding the strongest team . Gael Monfils was the exception , a man who held two match points against Federer at the US Open in September and who troubles most players with his flair . Gael was always going to play . Jo Wilfred Tsonga has not performed well this year and his inclusion in the team over Gilles Simon , especially on current form seems to be the biggest mystery . Simon was the form player for the French team without a doubt . The decision to play Gasquet over Simon will have French tennis fans shaking their heads in disbelief for at least another week . As good as young Aussie Nick Kyrgios played at Wimbledon this year it is still hard to believe that with nine match points up for grabs the much more experienced Gasquet couldn 't nail one against him . What about the Men 's Doubles ? Another mystery . Julien Benneteau and Edouard Roger - Vasselin won the French Open Title this year and made the semi finals of the year ending Tour Finals yet they did not get paired up together for the Davis Cup final . Why also would you play Gasquet in the doubles ? When was the last time you heard of Richard Gasquet troubling anyone in doubles ? What about Michael Llodra ? There is a man who is another doubles specialist and has won three Grand Slam titles including Wimbledon with current French Davis Cup Captain Arnaud Clement . Surely even if Roger - Vasselin was injured Llodra had more doubles experience than Gasquet . The Swiss would have been licking their lips at the thought of their two big guns Roger and Stan taking on Benneteau and Gasquet , with no disrespect leveled at Benneteau of course . They knew though that this team was not as finely tuned as they were . There could be an argument against Fed and Stan being a ' credentialed ' doubles team but have you ever seen Fed play dubs ? Unbelievable . And what about the much publicized Federer back injury ? My view on his straight sets loss to Monfils is this : Why risk the back in his first match when he still had a pivotal doubles rubber to play plus another singles ? They knew they were basically over the line if they could snatch the doubles win after Stan 's opening victory . Going all out against a red hot Monfils would have been a dumb decision and possibly would have cost them the Title . Interesting Davis Cup Final this year , that 's an understatement . I think that the French Captain Clement will have plenty of time to sample those ' 145 things to do in Lille , France ' this time next year . Somehow I can 't see him retaining his current status for too much longer . . . . . . The conversations with my Dad were at times frustrating ones as I pleaded my case that there was no point in building a tennis court unless there was enough room to play on it . Unfortunately with the amount of space that was available there was never going to be that paddock that I yearned for behind the baseline . I would simply have to learn to step up into the court and take it earlier , I hated the idea . I don 't remember how long the court took to be completed but I finally had a ' field of dreams ' next to my house as well as a hit up wall , no excuses for not improving . The issue in my house however was the lack of practice partners available other than the wall . Dad could play golf almost to perfection and he was the local Albany Golf Club Champion and he could regularly play under par . This talent of his unfortunately was never going to help my tennis . We used to play until I got too strong for her . My sister Amanda was a good runner and hockey player but had no tennis talent whatsoever . In fact we only hit once , at the Hospital court and I still remember her first shot going over the fence ! Amanda was never going to be part of my practice schedule . Between hitting with Mum on the court and Dad throwing me balls some days to warm me up before Junior Club plus many hours on the wall I received plenty of tennis . My house was a place that I can honestly say was a ' field of dreams ' as it had almost everything I needed as far as tennis was concerned . If I could have wished for one thing back then when I was learning the game it would have been to have had a neighbor who could play well who could train me on a daily basis . It 's one thing having a court next to your house , it 's another to have handy practice partners in the same street . I was a typical kid who simply wanted everything to be perfect for my new past time . As a famous quote from Vince Lombardi once suggested " Perfection is not attainable , but if we chase perfection we can catch excellence " . That was me , I wanted the whole package deal to be within touching distance , typical kid with high aspirations . The garage wall wasn 't actually my first location of hitting at my house , that place was a wall at the rear of the house that now overlooks the court . I still remember trying to hit the wall perfectly hoping it would bounce up on the grass for me to play another shot . It rarely ever worked as the grass was too soft and the brickwork didn 't allow for a perfect strike , it was frustrating . The reason I moved to the garage was because one day my sister had words with me over my continual loud cursing as the ball would refuse to come back to where I required it . I was a kid in need of a place to play a game that for some unknown reason I felt I had to , it just seemed right . That 's the thing about tennis , you don 't know why you like it because some sports are a whole lot easier to play . I still believe that tennis is a game that challenges your mind more than your body and perhaps a tennis player at any level is a person who aspires to solve a problem . Tennis is a game full of problems and it is up to each player to work through them until they find the right answers . In 1979 against Roscoe Tanner in the Wimbledon Final he rolled his serve in at a pace just slightly faster than a second serve . He was not interested in giving a nut rusher a look at a second serve . The tactic worked as he held on for victory from a break of serve he earned at the start of the fifth set . In 1988 in the final of the French Open Mats Wilander hit 71 of 73 first serves in or 97 per cent in technical terms . The straight sets victory against Leconte was one of the smartest tactical matches played by the Swede . Did he take notice of Borg 's 1979 Wimbledon winning tactics ? What these statistics say about both of these Swedish Champions is that their strengths were not in the way they commenced a point but in the way they finished it . Both played a style that appealed to me because I felt it was a safe way of playing tennis , not a risky one . Their results spoke volumes . It was a style that waited for the opposition to either make a mistake or come to the net to challenge for the point . My way of thinking was that if an opponent could come up with enough volleys or baseline winners to beat me then they deserved the match . All of this of course was from a 13 year old kid with an average but reasonably consistent game and with a serve that resembled a frog in a blender . I would hit the delivery in and then retreat three feet behind the baseline . " Ok buddy that 's my way of starting the point , show me what you got from the baseline " , that was my way of thinking anyhow . Watching Borg play Wimbledon against Connors when I was a kid was almost complicated from memory . Their rallies were so long I could not see how the match was to finish before darkness fell . I also saw no game plan either as I felt that these two just kept hitting it back to each other so that 's what I did , not just against the wall but against opponents . I couldn 't serve as a kid , I still can 't ! I could rally though and still can . If you keep it in play long enough you can find a way to win . . . . . . . . . My time as a kid playing tennis against a wall with no one around me except the aura of my hero Bjorn Borg was an educational time . When you hit up against a brick wall it is a time of thought and a time of playing future matches inside your head . In my last chapter I wrote of ' Borgie understanding ' , it was what I believed and it drove me to hit and keep hitting . On one particular day I timed myself at 4 hours , two in the morning and two in the afternoon . You imagine that you are playing in your hero 's shoes or playing in front of them . I imagined both scenarios . The only issue with hitting against something not too far away from you is the speed of ball factor , it comes back at an uncomfortable pace on many occasions . What I did find however was that this type of training was brilliant for grip changes , reflexes and fitness , all were a necessity for tennis . At least if the ball is over the net by a comfortable margin you are always a chance in tennis . I vividly recall training my advanced kids one day ' Swedish style ' . I paired them up one day and told them , " There you go , you got ONE tennis ball , I suggest that if you miss , you hit it long , take the net out of the equation " . The Italian Open of that year saw the emergence of the ' heir apparent ' to Swedish Tennis and that was the run to the semi finals by Mats Wilander . Watching the long haired 17 year old Swede was like viewing a ' ghost ' of the past as his style was almost identical to that of Borg 's . He didn 't just hit the ball with heavy topspin and a two handed backhand but he was just as cool and calm with his mannerisms . Whilst I was disappointed he lost his match to Andres Gomez , the eventual Champion I honestly felt this guy could maybe just fill that ' hero void ' . " Hey Glenn that young bloke won the Swiss Open " . That was my Dad 's exact words to me as he broke the news to me on June 6 of 1982 . Now Dad wasn 't really up to date with tennis back in those days so ' The Swiss Open ' of course was in fact the French Open . I knew of the final between Wilander and Vilas , so naturally I was playing it against the wall . From memory I don 't really know how Mats and I were going but I think we were leading the Argentinian Champ when Dad told me the news . I knew this ' kid ' with the long locks and magnificent backhand was going to be my new inspiration to play tennis . He didn 't know it but he was a ' necessity ' for my mindset as a 13 year old kid learning the intricacies of tennis . The date of June 6 also happens to be my youngest son 's birthday , what 's the chances ? ? My ground strokes as a 13 year old kid were on the improve but I needed somewhere to work on my serve , Dad 's idea was to build ' the court ' . Like the movie with Kevin Costner " If you build it , he will come " , an all time classic line from the ' Field Of Dreams ' . I didn 't pick up a tennis racket until I was 12 and this came possibly from my Grandpa giving my sister the Bjorn Borg book for Xmas . From memory Amanda read it once , I possibly read it 48 times , it gave me inspiration to play the game . There were no Ipods , Ipads , X Boxes or otherwise to take our minds off becoming ' superstars ' in our chosen sports . In saying that however I once played ' Space Invaders ' against former Australian Davis Cup player Richard Fromberg in Tasmania ! Whilst over there for holidays in 1980 we were staying at a resort and a curly haired kid asked me to play against him . Not sure who won , just glad I didn 't get asked to play him at tennis as I watched in awe as he hit on the resort court the next day . At the time i didn 't know who he was but I remember seeing his picture in a tennis magazine not long after our holiday . Anything to do with tennis as a kid I can still remember , it 's as fresh as yesterday 's hit on ' the court ' . The hours I spent hitting against the garage wall was time in ' the Zone ' , a place that no one could bother me . I even did a ' Borgie ' and gave myself a goal against the wall , after all I was never going to beat a brick wall . Borg used to tell himself that if he hit a certain amount of shots back then it was one point to him , now this takes concentration ! So what about the net on a garage wall ? Easy done , that 's what chalk is for and don 't forget a hammer while you are at it . My house as a kid had a rather unique style of brick work and I spent hours chipping away at the wall from just above the chalked net line until it was completely smooth . The garage wall was perfectly manicured to hit tennis balls against after I had finished as I was the ' groundsman ' also . I recall the ' devastation ' of ' Borgie ' retiring when my tennis was in full flight as a kid who looked to his hero for guidance . I would ask many questions of Bjorn as I hit the ball into submission against a wall that if it could talk would have begged for mercy . I don 't know if I ever received the answers that I was looking for but I kept asking them anyhow . After all I was on ' court ' with ' Borgie ' and that time to me was priceless . There was only one thing to do , I had to , I mean I just HAD to become a Professional Tennis Player so I could grow my hair long . It all made so much sense , ' Borgie ' understood but now I would have to do it all without the great man . He had simply hit too many tennis balls in his time against his garage wall , Connors , Mac and Vitas and made too much money . Thomas Berdych won one match , against an out of sorts Marin Cilic who was by all reports injured , but the heaviness of his two losses are surely something of concern . To win just two games against Wawrinka and only four against Djokovic surely proves there is a huge gap between himself and the players ahead of him . It 's not to say that Thomas can 't play tennis , he hits it hard and well but his game plan surely needs a ' tweak ' . Roger 's win against Nishikori was anything to go by well it may just have been a classic final match against Djokovic . All base liners hate being rushed and Federer knows just how to put them off their game . As well as Kei has been playing he won just 5 games against Federer . At least the Semi 's of this event saw some good tennis as until then it was all pretty much one way traffic from the top 2 . In fact Djokovic and Federer gave up just 22 games in a total of six matches between them leading up to the semi 's , Novak 9 and Federer 13 . Surely this is way too one sided for anyone 's liking and almost defies logic . I have never seen so many one sided results as what this year 's Tour Finals produced and if anything I enjoyed watching the Doubles highlights more than the singles . Sure the Bryan Brothers won again but there are no ' sure things ' in Men 's Doubles now days and the quality of teams now are very high . Any team in the Top 10 is beatable . The Semi Final at the Tour ending Championships in London this week proved that when a top player is in trouble he can think his way through it . The match between Wawrinka and his mate Federer was a nail biter and Stan had 4 chances to close out the match . On all of the match points that he had he was forced to play a shot . Now that may seem like common sense but many players at match point down do not make their opponents win it , they instead lose it . It 's better to get a ball back into play with a chip return rather than go for the almighty strike as some players do , Federer the best example . On one of the match points he saved he used his brilliant chip technique on the back hand return which forced Stan to volley up which ultimately gave Roger a swing at a pass . After Roger had saved the 4 match points he only needed one of his own to close it out , he had weathered the storm . I believe that Stan played the match points well though as he asked the question of Federer each time , he made his buddy win the point by coming into the net . This type of play is gutsy but it can be a smarter way to finish a match rather than playing 20 shots from the back . Obviously however Federer answers most questions from his opponents with relative calmness no matter what the situation in the match is . In the US Open in September Federer fought of two match points in his quarter final with Monfils and in Shanghai in October he saved five match points against Mayer . The Swiss genius believes he is never out of a match until the umpire says so . In 2008 at the Masters Cup Federer saved seven match points in one game against Murray , how is that technically and mentally possible to do ? Roger did eventually lose that particular match to Murray but his efforts to save that many match points is nothing short of remarkable . I met Jonesey at the East Fremantle Tennis Club in 1984 or thereabouts and we struck up a friendship . Now here was a man who could not only play the game but he also did some good impersonations of professional players , I found him to be good value . We decided we would team up together and play a Perth Junior Championship at the Melville Tennis Club , not far from the East Fremantle courts . From memory we did ok in the singles , maybe quarters but it was our doubles play that was creating a bit of a stir . We had a draw that was not easy and we faced the number 1 pairing of Ken McCreery and Tim Burrows in the Semi 's of the 18 's Doubles . Now these two guys were in two words , brilliant and funny . In fact I thought they were awesome , not only with their play but with their comments , they were good to be on the same court with . Ken was a Country Week Men 's Singles Champion and ranked top 5 in the State for 18 's and Tim at one stage was in the top three 16 year olds in Western Australia , I looked up to these two . I am almost certain that I played Tim in one of my first ever junior tournaments in Perth and received an ' education ' . Back to the Semi . I don 't know what Jonesey was looking for in this particular match but I was simply in awe of their stroke play and wanted 3 games each set just to brag to our mates . Sometimes as a kid all you are looking for is respect rather than a win that may seem out of reach . Our first set against McCreery and Burrows was a good set , an enjoyable one with a few laughs , after all we were only there to ' make up the numbers ' , 4 - 6 . Now something happened in the second that I am sure given their time back the two ' Big Guns ' may have decided to go a little harder . 6 - 1 to the ' B Graders ' , Jonesey and Thommo . I was ready to shake hands , go home and tell all my mates about the second set score against one of the State 's best teams . But we had a third to play . At 4 - 5 in the second set 30 - 40 we were forced to save a match point then went on to score one of the most unlikeliest wins 7 - 5 in the third . I remember Tim saying to Ken " I can 't believe we lost that " . The final was a ' formality ' , we were still on a high from our semi and we won the final 3 and 4 against two guys who from all reports still play at Melville , Richardson and Muenchow , nice guys also . So a State Doubles title was ours and what added to the win was the fact that Jonesey and I had played ' up ' . Dale was 16 , I was 15 but we wanted to test ourselves so we played the 18 's for a ' bit of fun ' , and it turned out to be just that . Now to cut a long story short Jonesey and I were on fire all day , no one got close to us . I remember a 6 - 0 set against a local team who apparently hadn 't been beaten in ' two years ' ( So one of them told me ) . I didn 't have the heart to tell him that his ' exploits ' in Men 's Division 2 or ' B Grade ' at Bridgetown and Esperance doesn 't really count as ' unbeaten in two years ' . At 5 games all I went to the Tournament Director 's window just to confirm that there would be a tie break at 5 or 6 all , we all couldn 't remember . This was the answer . " No Tie Breaker , first to 6 games wins " ! ! As the great Jonny Mac once famously said " You cannot be . . . . . . . . . " , unfortunately though these were the rules and Brad served out the last game comfortably to 15 , shattered . We won our last match easily as did Brad and Gary as they pipped us by a game . So to Jonesey , hope you read this Champ , well played back in 1984 and as far as the Albany Open ' near miss ' around 10 years ago , well buddy I have a plan . One day before we are too old to play Men 's A Grade let 's have another crack at it . It 's a ' timed ' format now but could you imagine if we were beaten by the clock next time around ? ? ? ? I find it rather hard to believe that at the Tour Final Championships out of a total of 8 sets played over 50 per cent were decided with a 6 - 1 score line . In fact 5 of the 8 sets played were 6 - 1 , work that one out or does the ' cream ' simply rise to the top in Championships such as this ? Thomas Berdych has suffered two huge losses lately and he is a player in need of a head Doctor to work out why in fact he can 't win against the players in front of him . He doesn 't just lose against these guys , he gets smashed . I thought Federer would win in straight sets as I wrote in my last chapter as he learns from a loss better than most but a 6 - 1 first set win against Raonic was rather brutal . Perhaps Milos was thinking just where he was , up against the best in an and of year showdown for the first time , maybe nerves played a part . His second set was more than competitive yet he failed to win a point in the second set tie breaker . Murray was disappointing against Nishikori but at least a 6 - 4 , 6 - 4 loss is a competitive loss , Murray very rarely gets belted . Cilic was very disappointing against Novak , I felt that his serve and big hitting may put the World Number 1 on the back foot initially but it never happened . Another 1 and 1 result in a tournament that should never really have one sided results to the extent we have seen so far . So to the next round ; Djokovic vs Cilic By all reports US Open Champ Cilic is slightly injured but I think he will come out and try to make a statement with the big serve early against Novak . One break is all Marin will need to perhaps win the first set against the World Number 1 but I can 't see him sustaining it . Perhaps a close first set but Novak in three .
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Very few was the answer . Years before I had been lucky that Manny reserved a place for me on West 47th Street , but this year has been the exception . Times were that tough in the Diamond District . Later that evening at his East Village apartment I paid Bruce $ 4000 minus my commission . " Now I can pay my health insurance . " The heavyweight writer sighed with gratitude and invited me an Asian fusion restaurant on Avenue B . Every seat was crammed with young people enjoying the approach of the holidays . " I never see anyone my age on the subway . " These go - getters were my competition for a subway seat in the morning . Thankfully none of them were ruthless enough to throw me under the train . " Most men our age are retired . " Bruce 's finger darted over the menu . His thinning hair was bleached blonde , so he resembled an aging beach bum . The waiter paid attention to his every word like he was a seeing - eye dog . Bruce was generous with young men . " Or dead . " " Do you have a retirement plan ? " Bruce was a world - known novelist . Critics had recognized his genius . Sales for his last book totaled a little over 2000 , but he owned his apartment and in another year he would be old enough to receive Social Security . " When I hit 70 , I 'm flying to Norway . " I ordered oysters with seaweed noodles , plus a glass of wine . The thin waiter had to be 35 years younger than me . He wouldn 't think of a 60 year - old man as middle - aged , but neo - senior . " Yes , I 'm going to rob a bank with a gun , then they 'll sentence me to 20 to life for armed robbery . I 've seen photos of Norway 's prison for violent offenders . The rooms have computers and are furnished by IKEA . " Honey , those old wrinklies aren 't so particular about the weight . They like the young flesh . " " A scary thought . " Just yesterday my Thai wife reminded me over the phone that I wasn 't 17 anymore . Mam was 28 and my son was four years - old . I couldn 't quit working until I was 78 . " Those old fags want someone young . " Bruce had written a book on the rough trade in Times Square . His tricks had called him Papi . None of them had been under 20 and he never sunk under 250 pounds . " Those old queens in the nursing homes haven 't seen anyone young as you in decades . You could charge the homes $ 100 a visit , which has to be more beneficial for the old geezers than any other medicine . And you could do lap dances . " " Times change and people like you and me have to change with them , plus graves are richer pickings than a cradle . Hell , you could franchise the go - go scheme in Florida . How many retirement homes you think are in the Sunshine State ? Thousands ? There has to be a demand for middle - aged men from the elderly queers . " " And who knows ? You might be able to sex them up for a little more money on the side . " Bruce caressed the waiter 's behind . He was a regular here and the waiter smiled with the anticipation of good tip . Bruce liked to pay for sex even if it was merely a grope . " Why , because you think you 're too good to have sex with someone older than you like me . " He frowned at this unintended insult . " What about the woman you had sex with in Palm Beach ? " " Closing on 75 . " Helen published several magazines extolling the good life on the Gold Coast . She had invited me to her house on Lake Worth . The fragrance of her garden had overwhelmed by the reefer she smoked in a diamond encrusted hand . " How ? " " As I remember it , she said that she hadn 't had cock in her mouth in ten years . She had begged for it and you gave it to her like you were remaking SUNSET BOULEVARD . " With the lights off , the curtains billowing with the evening breeze , and Helen wearing sheer lingerie and satin high heels , I imagined that she was Paris Hilton in the year 2040 . On her knees the mirage had performed fellatio like she was entering the Porno Hall of Fame . Thankfully she had never said , " Ready for my scene , Mr . DeMille . " Maybe the first time , but what about the second time ? " Bruce sat back , as the waiter delivered our appetizers ; fried calamari for him and raw bluepoints for me . " Gore Vidal said about orgies that once is experimentation , but twice is perversity . " " The second time was because I was drunk . " Two bottles of wine and a joint had loosened by inhibitions and she had had her way with me . " There was no third time . " " And end up a stick boy in a Viking prison . " Bruce was enjoying himself . " You don 't look like you 'd like being a bottom . " " You do what you have to do to survive . Believe me . I know . " He had taught creative writing at a Wyoming dude ranch college two years ago . He was lucky to have escaped the high plains without being charged for perversion . " I know you do . " Bruce was forever broke same as everyone in America , but maybe Bruce was right and the only one way of finding out was by a repeat performance in Palm Beach . We clinked glasses . " No amount of disco music , nor number of scantily clad boys can render the juxtaposition of this completely commercialized Pride event within the corralling barricades of a police state " gay . " Jorge Socarres posted on Facebook and further excoriated the NYPD by writing , " NYC cops are so stupid - their barricades are creating dangerous bottleneck situations around huge , wide open closed off spaces - for no practical except control . Madrid takes in 2 million people for Pride , and nowhere do you see a barricade - the city becomes one great , unbroken celebration . Leave it to people who 've survived fascism to know how to stay free . " The Gay Pride Parade has always been a spectacular out event , but the holiday commemorates the Stonewall Riots of 1969 during which the gay clientele of a Mafia bar resisted a police raid on a Christopher Street dance club in the early hours of June 28 . Four undercover officers shouted , " Police ! We 're taking the place ! " There were about 200 men in the bar . They obeyed the cops for a half - hour before realizing that they had numbers on their side . A handcuffed bull dyke fought four cops singlehandedly , as they forced her into the paddy wagon . All hell broke loose in the next minutes with police cars getting their tires slashed and officers retreating under the hail of hurled bricks and coins . The drag queens fought the hardest . They had old scores to settle with the men in blue . Gays chased the cops for blocks . The streets were theirs . Gay power came alive those nights and nothing the police , the church , the government , the right , the bible - belters , and all those against gays , lesbians , and drag queens have failed to put the Genie back in the bottle , although that doesn 't keep them from trying . In late - July of 1975 Andy K and I left California on a cool morning . Our summer vacation had come to an end . We hitchhiked east from Pomona at the end of the Valley . Leaving LA wasn 't easy for long - hairs . The locals were the sons of Okie rednecks , but a young Mormon girl stopped at the Rancho Cucamonga on - ramp and drove her Monza convertible over the pass into the high desert . She was cute and played the new Joni Mitchell 8 - track on the stereo . AK and I both wondered why we were leaving California . She dropped us in Victorville . It was barely 10Am . We had made good time and thought ourselves lucky until reaching the eastbound ramp . A long row of hippies stood by the arid curbside . Hitchhiking on the Interstate was illegal . The State troopers arrested anyone attempting to break the law . The fine was $ 50 . I had almost $ 40 in my pocket . California cops didn 't bargain with hippies . AK and I took our place in the queue . There wasn 't a speck of shade in sight . Sand , weeds , and a dented guardrail decorated the scenery . Across the interstate was a gas station and a diner . " What do you think ? " AK asked with a canteen in hand . After an hour a van picked up three hippies and six more joined the ranks of the stranded travelers . I walked down the line speaking to the other hitchhikers . None of them had anything good to say about this onramp . A New Orleans - bound couple were fortieth in the line - up . They had been on the ramp for 20 hours . Both of them were in the throes of cold turkey . " 15 hours ? " I checked up the sky . There wasn 't a cloud from horizon to horizon . The temperature was in the high 80s . By late afternoon it would be in the 100s . " Some of it was night . " The rail - thin girl wore a wife - brimmed hat , but her skin had been torched a torrid red . A merciless sun bounced off the black asphalt . We were six people behind them . AK and I were # 47 and 48 . I had been a math major my first years at university . One ride per hour meant that we wouldn 't get out of here for another two days . " You two should split up . No one picks up two guys . " Her strung - out old man had hair to his ass . The skinny girlfriend could have passed for his twin . They made a cute lesbian couple for anyone not looking too closely . " Except for perverts . " His girlfriend was fuming mad , hungry for a fix . She wanted out of this desert limbo . " Wanted me to watch . " Her face screwed up with disgust . Sex was as distasteful to junkies as it was to nuns . " Nothing wrong with being queer . " I danced with gays at the 1270 Club in Boston . They pawned me off to fag hags . It was a good deal for me . " Especially if it gets us out of here . " I tried to look bisexual . Andy didn 't play that game and the cowboys weren 't buying my solo act . The sun was fast approaching high noon . The temperature was in the high 80s . By noon the sun would be melting the asphalt under our feet . A Greyhound bus exited from the Interstate and pulled into the forlorn gas station . " Now ? " " Now . " AK and I grabbed our bags and ran across the cloverleaf to the diner . The Greyhound was billowing diesel fumes . Its driver was exiting from the station 's diner . $ 8 . 50 bought escape for both of us . The two tickets were worth every penny . We sat in the back and stared out the window at the marooned hippies . Three minutes ago we had been them . " Good move . " AK sucked down water from the canteen . He saved me half . " You boys look hot . " An old black woman was peeling an orange . " You ' da have a lot more luck , if you cut your hair . You like girls and not pretty girls either . " The old black woman laughed with a simple wickedness , because she was telling the truth . " But these peckerwoods out here ain 't too particular about pretty . " AK and I pored our the map , as the bus sped down I - 10 . The desert was even more desert . The window was warm to the touch , but the bus interior was ACed to Alaska . A few rangy cowboys and the old black woman got off in Barstow . She gave us each an orange . They were sweet and we sucked on the fruit as if we might not taste another for a long time . Two and a half hours later the bus pulled into the desert town . I looked at the map . Needles was on the west bank of the Colorado River . " The Joad family 's first stop in THE GRAPES OF WRATH was Needles . " AK loved John Steinbeck . " They drove through the night to avoid the oppressive Arizona heat and they arrived here . " " The California dream . " I looked out the window . Nobody was on the sidewalks . The heat was too much for man or beast . Needles was a funny place to enter paradise and not funny ha - ha . " The beginning or the end . " AK held his bag in both hands . He didn 't want to get off the bus . AK had the money for a ticket to Boston . His eyes asked me what to do . " You want to go , go . " In this heat it was every man for himself . My lack of funds meant that Needles was the last stop for me . We were the last passengers to exit from the bus . I stopped at the bottom of the steps for a second . A wall of heat stuck me and I thought that I had walked into the exhaust of a thousand buses , except our Greyhound was the only one in the sweltering parking lot . The other travelers hurried into the station . AK pushed me off the bus . The sun beat on my skin , as if its rays were ironing my flesh . Needles was much worse than Victorville . My sandals sunk into the molten asphalt . Across the street a large thermometer displayed the temperature . 135F . " That can 't be right . " AK was gasping for breath . We were from the East Coast . New Englanders wilted whenever the mercury lifted north of 85 . The highway was in the distance . Cars and trucks sped through a shimmering mirage . It was less than a mile away . In this heat that walk was a test of survival . " There 's a Dairy Queen . " AK headed toward the promise of cold ice cream and AC . I followed the New Yorker without question . The heat was so dry that the sweat was seared off our skin . We ran across the parched grass verge . The time was 3pm . High noon lasted long in Needles . " Yes , sir , " I answered with respect , as AK shut the glass door . The other customers appreciated the gesture . They were farmers , teenage boys and girls . Hippies were not a common sight in the Mojave , but they directed their attention to spooning sundaes and floats into their mouths . The AC was 68 . Everyone looked comfortable . " Sun got to it . Ain 't right by 15 degrees . Makes it 120 . Hot , but ain 't half as hot as July 2 , 1967 . That was 122 . The two degrees don 't sound like much until you been in 122 . " He spoke with pride . Not many humans can handle that heat . " Felt like the Devil was burning my bones . You boys , headed east ? " He offered a ride to Topock . Some 20 miles from here . The other side of the Colorado . Okie was driving a Ford pick - up . His dog was in the front seat . " He don 't mind the heat . Don 't like strangers though . You gotta sit in the back . " " We 're ready when you 're ready . " Needles was the type of town to suck a day from your travels . I had $ 33 in my pocket . I gave the driver two of them . Gas was 40 cents a gallon . He was grateful for the donation . Twenty minutes later he pulled off the highway . The town was two miles away . We were on the wrong side of the Colorado . The sun was four hours from setting . The only shade was a bullet - holed billboard some 300 feet off the highway . I stuck out my thumbs . Cars and trucks were coming our way . I pretended to be Jack Kerouac 's illegitimate son . He had to have one somewhere . " Look like you 're harmless . " AK put on his best smile . The Berkeley School of Music graduate had perfect teeth and excelled at looking harmless . He pushed me to the side and the second car stopped for us . " We 're out of here . " The retired couple was heading for Kingman in their Delta 88 . " Nice car . " My father had a gray version . " Yes and no . " The husband was a full head of hair . He drove with both hands on the wheel . " The developer bought the old London Bridge , thinking it was the Tower Bridge . " " No , but it 's better than no bridge . " This sounded like a regular discussion between them . " I wish I hadn 't moved down here . It 's cooler up in the high country . Sometimes down here my head feels hot enough to fry an egg on . " The driver might have said the line maybe 100 times . The punch line was funny to us , because we knew it was true . " It isn 't this hot all the time . " The desert sun had leathered his wife 's skin . Her silver - blonde hair was a homage to Dinah Shore . " We have grandchildren . They come and visit sometimes . That 's why we picked you up . " " They 're hippies too . " The old man smiled in the rearview mirror . The two complimented each other . " There 's lemonade in the cooler . Drink as much as you want . " There were four glass screw - top bottles . " Don 't be shy . " " Don 't be shy . " The driver floored the pedal . The big V8 ate up the road . The old man was in a hurry to get out of the heat . " Drink as much as you want . " Drink as much as you want . " The old couple pulled off the road at Kingman for the night . This town was mentioned in Chuck Berry 's ROUTE 66 . " We 're staying here for the night . " The motor lodge offered rooms for $ 20 . " We 'll keep on going . " " I 'd pay for a room . " The old man had a kind heart . We waved good - bye and stood on the remainder of old Route 66 . " I can 't believe two hours ago it was 135 in the shade . " The air at 3000 feet was cool relief and I stuck out my thumb . I didn 't bother to repeat the obvious . The sun was setting in the pines and a semi was throttling its diesel engine on its way through Kingman . Wherever we would be tomorrow morning was a night away . Posted by In 1968 Michelangelo Antonioni was searching for the male lead of his MGM film ZABRIKSIE POINT . A year had passed without finding the right actor , but casting director finally discovered Mark Frechette in Boston , while the handsome member of the Lyman family commune was having a shouting match with a man in a 3rd floor above a Charles Street bus stop . " Motherfucker . " The casting director wrote to the director that he was 20 and he hates . Seeing his photo Antonioni green - lighted the new - comer . Neither Mark nor his co - star Daria Halprin had any previous acting experience , for Antonioni was looking for the raw quality of rebellious youth . The filming of a fugitive gunman took place in Los Angeles and finished in Death Valley . Mark Frechette hated the the experience . He thought the Italian director to be a phony . On THE DICK CAVITT SHOW the high school drop - out tells the TV audience not to waste their money on the film , which was later listed as one of THE WORST FIFTY FILMS OF ALL TIME . Frechette returned to the Fort Hill commune with Daria Halprin and the $ 60 , 000 . The lovely Halprin fled Boston to later marry Dennis Hopper , but Mark remained true to the guru , Mel Lyman , and attempted a bank robbery with two friends in 1972 . His accomplice was shot at the scene of the crime . Mark Frechette had a gun without bullets . " There was no way to stop what was going to happen . We just reached the point where all that the three of us really wanted to do was hold up a bank . It would be like a direct attack on everything that is choking this country to death . " I didn 't get a mention at the Bogata museum and neither did the Thais , who are perennial Olympic contenders for the gold medal in lassitude in the eyes of farangs , who don 't lift a finger in hard labor . Thai workers labor 6 days a week for less than $ 10 a day . I work at a metal shop . Every week I carry tons of brass and steel . The picture reminded me that as a child my father had my older brother and I hand - pluck the weeds from our backyard in the Blue Hills . We were too young to use sharp implements . It was a thankless job , especially since many of the ' weeds ' were wild flowers of New England . All to make more lawn , so we could mow the grass . Edward Snowden fled the USA with the NSA on his tail for informing the Guardian newspaper that the clandestine agency was illegally spying on millions upon million of American citizens . This breach of constitutional rights by the government was greeted with yawns and ' so whats ' by the dazed public , however the Obama administration sought to extradite the former CIA employee from China . Mr . Snowdon left Hong Kong for Moscow , hoping to catch a flight to Ecuador . The White House has threatened the South American democracy with onerous sanctions , if the fugitive is permitted to enter that nation , and revoked the young man 's passport . Tom Hanks ' character in THE TERMINAL seems to have thrived at JFK , but I got stuck at the old Moscow in 1994 during an Aeroflot from Kuala Lumpur to Karachi to Dubai to Moscow . My final stop was Paris . The flight to Moscow took about 24 hours . None of them on the 350 - seater Ilyushin Il - 86 were comfortable . The seats were back - breakers , the air - conditioning produced a thick fog , the food service was cut to starvation rations , and the flight crew disappeared after each take - off . On the Dubai stop a young Norwegian couple and I bought wine and food for the next leg . Ten hours later I disembarked at Moscow to discover my connecting flight to Charles De Gaulle had been cancelled and another plane wasn 't taking off until the next morning . The two Norwegians were in a similar predicament . It was only 10PM but nothing was open and there was no place to sleep , however the Norwegians had two bottles of wine . I had two as well . We drank them within two hours , then wandered the terminal for more alcohol . Stateless transients were huddled in makeshift cardboard villages and one Afghani sold us a bottle of homemade vodka . The liter took a long time to drink . Several Russians joined us . They had their own brew . It burnt a hole in my stomach . I started to think that I would be there forever , however the long drinking session ended with the announcement of the imminent departure of the Moscow - Paris flight . The Norwegians carried me to the plane . I was in no condition to be near heavy equipment and bounced down the aisle . Every passenger prayed that I wouldn 't sit next to them . I found an empty row and passed out within seconds of clicking shut my seatbelt . Several hours later at Charles De Gaulle I woke up still drunk but happy to have escape from Moscow Airport . Pablo Picasso 's career spanned decades , highlighted by GUERNICA depicting the fascist bombing of the Basque city . I saw the anti - war painting once . Maybe at the Modern Art Museum in New York . His ' blue ' period painting were easier to hang on a wall than his Goya knock - off , but I 'd love an Picasso , for the only piece of art in my possession was a dubious drawing of Jean - Michel Basquiat , but I do have Jonathan Richman 's PABLO PICASSO on CD . In 2011 ninety - nine paintings and prints went on view at Larry Gagosian gallery . The queue numbered in the hundreds . The sidewalk was slick with a cold rain . I walked up to the front door . The guest list madame asked for my name . I entered the art hangar . People greeted each other with old embraces . I spotted LR . She saves paintings . Her brother Danny was a fisherman and we had once shared a girlfriend . " These predate his death in 1973 . " She pointed to the paintings on the wall . The style was recognizably Picasso , almost as if he had devoted the last years of his life to huffing glue . " Nice . " I wandered around the gallery without finding a single painting to hang on the walls of my Fort Green Observatory . A few of the drawings were acceptable , but I 'm happier with my little Basquiat drawing , which he had done a month before his death . My father and mother took their children to Pablo Picasso paintings during the 60s . My father inspected one drawing and said that I was as skilled as the Spaniard . My grammar school war paintings had won honorary mention at the diocesan art show in 1964 . Picasso at that age was studying figure drawing and oil painting with his father , who believed in traditional forms of art and his son honored his father by painting , as if he were a child . Most of those childhood paintings were lost during the Civil War , but when I moved to Europe in 2011 I decided to hunt the lost collection of childhood Picasso . They had to be worth millions . I had no luck , but a New Jersey man wandered into a San Francisco gallery and clipped a drawing off the wall . The police caught the thief thanks to a video camera . Over the last few years Richie Boy has sold a Mr . Dithers a few diamonds with hopes of scoring big with the Washingtonian financier . I became friends with Dithers after he learned that I knew Jean - Michel Basquiat . I recounted about having my girlfriend erase his painting from my refrigerator . An art restorer had given a Basquiat to her new boyfriend as a birthday present . They broke up shortly thereafter . I didn 't tell Dithers this tale . The New York art scene is very small . Last Sunday I bicycled from Fort Greene to Bushwick Avenue . Jane Dickson was displaying a sparse mirrored mural of mythical rock bands at the Silent Barn Gallery . The neighborhood was hard - core without any signs of encroachment from the art phenomena farther to the north . I locked my bike to a gate and hoped for the best . Jane 's work was hung on a brick wall . Jane greeted friends and admirers . Her work on Times Square , Las Vegas , carnivals and commercial strip malls are well - loved by a large segment of New York and the world . Jane introduced me to people as a great writer . She is planning on using text from my unpublished punk novel MAYBE TOMORROW to add flavor to an upcoming show about Times Square . I had drank heavily the previous night and on Monday hard work was scheduled for the metal shop in Greenpoint . As I said my good - bye , Kenny Scharf showed up at the gallery . I introduced myself and he reacted as if I had been revived from the dead . " The radiation is entering the food chain of the West Coast . My daughter was told to eat sea kelp for iodine , but the seaweed comes from the Pacific . They 're doomed out there . " I departed from the gallery and unlocked my bike . There was no sign of tampering . My ride back to Fort Greene took thirty minutes . The sky glowed with a pale blue . The color had nothing to do with radiation . THRILLER was his Mount Everest and this hit - spawning monster sold over 100 million albums . Its epic success earned Michael Jackson worldwide recognition , although I never understood how deeply his influence had penetrated the masses , until I was crossing Sulawesi 's Lake Poso in 1992 in the middle of the night . Most of the passengers were Indonesian , although one German woman was traveling on her own . Her name was Ulrike . Around midnight rising winds forced a stop at a remote village . The hamlet had no electricity . The locals cooked food by fire . They lived in wooden shacks , A young boy strummed Indonesian love songs on his guitar . We were halfway around the world from Neverland without a radio or TV . Jocko 's songs had reached these people on Lake Poso . His mother placed a log on the fire and the flames rose higher , as everyone gathered around the fire to sing the chorus . Ulrike was right . The boy was right . I was right too , because it doesn 't matter whether you 're white or black . Michael Jackson was the King of Pop . " When we asked people why they didn 't put their litter in the bin , the most common excuse was ' I can 't be bothered ' or ' I couldn 't find a bin ' . But there is no excuse for not binning your litter . For those who don 't want to change their behavior , they can look forward to a £ 50 on - the - spot fine . Last year we issued nearly two thousand £ 50 fines to litterers across the city . " Personally I prefer poo - throwing . My other choice was to view the sixth game at my local sports bar Mullanes , but I was exhausted after a long day of swinging a sledge hammer . Accompanied to bed by a ' Gansett beer , I heard the game seesaw from 1 - 0 to 1 - 1 and then 2 - 1 in the Bruins favor in the last minutes of the 3rd period . Winter seemed destined to last another day , however the Blackhawks pulled their goalie and evened up the match and 17 seconds later score the game - winner before a stunned TD Garden . Tonight the Boston Bruins face off against the Chicago Blackhawks in my old hometown . The Bs are down 3 - 2 against the visitors . I want a seventh game and winter to last two more days . The ice is soft at the Garden . It 's not Boston Garden , but it 's Stanley Cup hockey and I can only shout one thing . Throughout history the husband has been the last to know and this truth holds true to course in Pattaya , the Last Babylon . Most farang men come for sex and it doesn 't take long for them to fall in love with a bargirl or go - go dancer . These novices tell their friends that their girls is different from all the other girls in Sin City . Sex means nothing . Security is everything . Unfaithfulness in Pattaya is a given . Nights out have a 100 % success ratio , but Thai bargirls have an extensive spy network designed to GPS their ' man ' within seconds of his contemplating sex with another woman . The NSA and MI5 are pikers in comparison to the tracking capability of a bargirl . " What should I do ? " Alex asked me at the Welkom Inn . He was an accountant from Sydney . Numbers added up to sums . His love of math forced him to be honest . " But he " s my mate . " " You drink with him and play golf with him every Monday . You tell him about his girlfriend and all that changes . " " I 'd want someone to tell me . " Alex was recovering from a bad divorce . His wife had left him for his best friend . He was the last to know , because he chose to be blind to the truth . " I 'll think about it . " " Do that . " I could tell Alex had no intentions of heeding my suggestion and a week later he entered the Welkom Inn with a black eye . " I told him what I saw and my friend confronted his girlfriend . She said that I had asked her to sleep with him and was telling a lie to get even with her . The next time we met for playing golf , he punched me on the 1st hole . " " Yeah , I can see that . " I got up from my stool and went outside to speak with Fabo , who had arrived in Pattaya that afternoon after a month off - shore of Greenland . No drinking for 30 days and the young Belgian was ready for a case of Heineken . I told the seismic engineer about Alex and Fabo laughed with a sneer . The actual words were " Mmm , that dirty , double - crossin ' rat . " Close enough for me , for I was raised to regard any fink as a rat by the Bowery Boys and gangster movies . Everyone hated a snitch , but that never stopped the class squealer from telling the nuns who was bad in their absence . We despised rats , but everyone Judases out for the right price . These past weeks infamous South Boston gangster Whitey Bulger has been on trial for nineteen murders and a major thrust of his defense has been denying the accusation of being an informant , despite a detailed testimony of an FBI agent recounting his snitching out various gangsters for murder , while killing his opponents without any interference or investigations by the Law . He was their Man and the partnership was a good for both sides until it wasn 't good , then Whitey was given a phone to change his name . Outside the Pattaya Tai Big C Shopping Center there was a skateboard club . Some Thai kids tested out tricks on rails and ramps . Some were good . I tried a few moves to be surprised by an unintentional wheelie by putting too much weight on my back foot . The Thai kids applauded my move and I handed back the skateboard , happy not to have taken a fall . I bought the cheap version and practiced on my street . My daughter liked being pushed on the skateboard . It was harmless fun , until one day I was watching the Winter Olympics . It 's been years since I skied and I thought skateboarding down a hill might satisfy my downhill needs . " It 'll be fine . I 'll wear a helmet and go in the new park . You 'll ride behind me so no one will run me over . " Thais have a finely honed disregard for pedestrians and it 's always open season on fallen farangs . We drove over to the new park and I got out of the car . The road was smooth . The high speed descent might rival the thrill of skiing . I wore a helmet for protection and flip - flops on my feet . Sneakers would have been a better idea , but I wasn 't planning on creaking the speed limit . " Sure you want do this ? " My wife wouldn 't think me any worse for backing out . My helmet thunked the pavement and my shoulder crumbled under the weight of a man 's middle - aged body . I got up slowly . Nothing was broken , but my cellphone was squashed in my pocket . 3500 baht down the hole . I had plenty of cuts and bruises and blood seeped from open wounds . School 's out for summer . The yellow school bus has been retired for the off - season , however come the fall the American icon will serve cities , suburbs , and rural communities from Alaska to Florida . Type C has been very popular with most school boards with its no frill seating to deliver ninety little bodies with year - round dependability . " You 're not sick unless you 're bleeding . " My mother liked to say whenever her children ran a temperature . There were six of us . She liked us out of the house . Ken Kesey , author of ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO ' S NEST , painted a school bus in psychedelic color swirls for a trans - America voyage famousized by Tom Wolfe 's THE ELECTRIC KOOLAID ACID TEST . Thousands of noble school bus underwent similar transformations . Hitchhiking I was picked up by several in the early 70s . Hippie chicks , lice - ridden mattress , weed , and a slow ride . In the summer of 1972 my friend Peter Gore and I hitchhiked from Boston to San Francisco . Both of us were longhairs . Rides came fast and ne driver had a Super B . Lucky drove 110mph from Omaha to Reno . Lucky dropped at the foothills of the Sierras . We stood on the highway for thirty minutes . A Riviera stopped on the shoulder . The occupants were four elderly convicts just out of prison . They were drinking whiskey . It was noon and the temperature was 100 degrees . Peter wasn 't too keen on taking this ride , but the wizened driver asked , " Can you drive us into Frisco . I got me a girl there . " Peter sat in back and I took the wheel to drive about 110 through the mountains . The old - age convicts gulped down that first bottle and sucked down a second . The windows were open to the wind and their skin was stained with salty perspiration . Slightly outside of San Francisco one of the reformed prisoners said that he wanted to drive . " Fine . " " " We too . " I pointed to the Riviera , which was stopped before the road . The reverse taillights came on and the car backed into the gas station past us and rolled over the gas pumps . They exploded , engulfing the car with flames . The convicts were struggling to get out of the fire trap . Peter and I pulled them out one by one , as the station attendant doused the fire with an extinguisher . " Me ? " I stepped up to him . He might have been a convict , but I was younger by a good 30 years . " I didn 't do nothing wrong . " The convict told him his side , blaming me . My version was more believable , for the cop came over to me after his radio call and said , " That car is stolen . Best you go unless you want to spend more time with your friends . " " We 're going . " Peter picked up his bag and we went over to the highway . A hippie gave us a ride ten minutes later . Our trip from coast to coast took us 47 hours hours . It could have taken a lifetime if it wasn 't for the cop . We were three years late for Frisco 's summer of live . Groovy times was gone , but that night we crashed in a pseudo - guru 's flat . It was very groovy to be off the road . Coming from Boston I have endured accusations from non - New Englanders that the Bean Town is the most dangerous driving city in the USA . I personally favor Williamsburg with its high Hassidic population , for the yidlocks are notorious for ignoring everything other than the Torah . Haiti is considered the most deadly nation in the Western Hemisphere , although the odds of dying in a crash in Dominican Republic is ten times worse than its western neighbor . According to Wikipedia the National Security Agency is a cryptologic intelligence agency of the United States Department of Defense responsible for the collection and analysis of foreign communications and foreign signals intelligence . The NSA employs 40 , 000 people at various locations and its annual budget is a secret , although intelligence analysts have estimated the per annum outlay at $ 10 billion plus . The NSA has excelled at maintaining at low profile since its creation in 1949 , although the agency 's mission was expanded after 9 / 11 to include illegal wire taps under GW Bush and data - mining through its PRISM project . Criticism against War on Terrorism has been considered treason by most Americans and the government has vigorously punished or minimize whistle - blowers and reporters endangering the NSA 's veil of secrecy . There are over 300 million phones in America , meaning that the NSA processes six billion calls per day along with 1 . 7 billion e - mails . In 2012 NSA employees dealt with over trillion calls , which I have calculated to be a 2 . 5 billion calls each year . Massive supercomputers assist the harried intelligence operatives , but I suspect that millions of calls are dumped into delete files much like the post office employee dumped junk mail in the trash . Franka played baseball in our hometown on the South Shore . His father worked in Boston . Franka asked our father to drive Franka to the games . My old man got him back and forth without a problem . My older brother and I went everywhere with our parents . We drove from Hingham to Maine , Watchic Pond to Boston , Falmouth Foresides to the South Shore . There were thousands of trips with my mother and father . Nowadays Frunk and I live far apart . We haven 't been in a car together for over ten years , but we speak several times a month and this afternoon I phoned Frunk to wish him a Happy Father 's Day . " Friday night I drove down to Phillie . I loaded the U - Haul truck with Franka 's things . We left at 5 . I got home around midnight . " Frunka 's house was on a hill above the Neponset River . The old mansion was ten times larger than my apartment in Fort Greene . " And you dropped off the truck in the morning ? " I had called his son on Friday . I could have gone to help , instead last night I lay in bed listening to the Stanley Cup finals on WBZ . Their announcers painted better picture than the TV guys . " No such luck . We unloaded most of his things on the Cape . I 'm just entering the U - Haul parking lot to drop off the truck and then I 'm going to the house here before driving to Boston in the morning , so ask me how my weekend was ? " " My wife and son were in the Lexus . " Frunka was a lawyer . He had settled a good case in April . The car was a birthday present to himself . He deserved it . " It goes with the territory . " Tomorrow I was sending money to Fenway in Thailand . His teeth are rotting fast and he 's only five years - old . I love my son . " I can 't wait for a client to ask how was my weekend . " " I bet you can 't . " Telling him that I was about to take a hot bath was too cruel and drink another beer while listening to acid rock from the 60s was too cruel , but Franka was with his son Frunka . I wished him a good night and hung up . My father came around the world to see me and Angie in Thailand . Most of the time he had no idea where he was . It was the start of his decline . He was the father a son could have . Last night the Bruins overcame a horrible 1st period to tie the Blackhawks and force another sudden death overtime . This time the flow of time was in the Bruins ' favor and Paille scored the game winner . Game 3 will be in Boston . " I 'd like to see you do that on ice . " Oil Can wasn 't a sore loser , but he had lost four games at home . His son was disappointed since Harrison had been working hard to be the first person to beat his father . " It 'd be a four - game sweep with each one a shut - out . " Oil Can wasn 't bragging about his prowess with a hockey stick . He had started for our high school as a freshman . Harrison was playing basketball . " You were a good squad . " I had seen them beat BC High at Boston Arena . Our home rink was Rindge Arena off 128 . " We could go play a one - on - one right now on Route 1 . I 've got all the equipment . " He had starred in his high school re - uniuon game the previous winter . He was even better in baseball . " My father brought us down to the pond up in Maine . " My father was from Westbrook . Boys were expected to skate six months after they learned to walk . There was a pond overlooking Portland Harbor . The smell of bread from the Nissen Bakery mixed with the smell of the sea . " He told us he was going to teaching us how to skate backwards . My brother was 5 and I was 4 . " " We had walked down the street with skates over our shoulders . Mine were CCM . " Skating backwards would help me play for the Bruins in the future . They never beat the Canadians . I was going to be a star , since I could skate forward faster than anyone in our neighborhood , except for Charleen Davis , but she was a girl and girls didn 't play hockey . " The ice was clean and my father showed us how to position our feet . My brother and I got on the ice . We should like him . He pushed off and tripped over a crack . His head smacked the ice and he stood up with a smile . " " Yeah , but blood was flowing down his face . He had cut his head and the smile was from a concussion . He had broken his leg skiing the year before and I thought that he would have to wear a cast on his head . " I loved that man . " Not a chance , but I 'll play another game to seven on the table hockey . " I was happy to give him a second shot at shining for Harrison . I have a son and Fenway loved his father too . Harrison toasted us with Coke . He was 11 and one day soon he would beat his father at his own game . It was only a matter of time . Two years ago business in the Diamond District was spotty during the high holidays of Rosh Shananah and Yom Kippur . The Hassidim disappeared to the various shetls scattered around New York and tourists entered our diamond exchange to gawk at the diamonds and jewelry . At least twice a day out - of - towners asked in complete seriousness , " Are they real ? " " Everything is real , " I answered the visitors before launching into a short spiel about the value of diamonds and gold . " Years ago we told the customers that diamonds were a good investment . It was sort of true then , but now diamonds appreciate in value better than houses plus they 're easier to convert into cash at times of need . " The tourists nodded with understanding . Their homes had lost value three years in a row . My boss Richie Boy doesn 't have the patience for these rubes , but occasionally they were buyers . I sold an Italian diamond bracelet to a Vermont couple celebrating their 60th anniversary . They lived a short distance from Richie Boy 's ski shack and he warmed up to them . Selling turned him on like a drag racer on nitro and the Thursday after Yom Kippur he delivered a 31 - inch diamond necklace set with GIA - certified . 40 ct . diamonds to a hedge fund investor . The piece was a magnificent blaze of reflected light set in platinum . His customer coined millions every day . He could have shopped at Harry Winston , but Richie Boy and he went back to the 80s . Both were loyal to each other . Richie Boy returned to the store after closing and said , " That 's it . I 've had enough of Yom Kippur . I 'm headed out to my surf shack . " " What about tomorrow ? " his father asked from his desk . Manny would have remained open 24 / 7 , if the exchange didn 't close at 6 . " Fridays are dead and nothing is deader than a Yom Kippur Friday . " Richie Boy needed his rest . He had rescued the firm through a series of near - miraculous sales . I had helped with a few deals out of the blue and neither of us were broke . > " Like what ? " Manny lived for his work . His father had been the same . Somehow that relentless devotion to the grindstone had skipped a generation with Richie Boy . " How can pig be kosher ? " The balding 50 year - old didn 't follow the dictates of glatt kosher , but Marvin wasn 't a bacon Jew . " How ? " " Yes , how ? " Marvin was a shrewd diamond buyer . He figured everything for a third of its value . He had been the president of the glee club of a summer camp in the Jewish Alps and was as gullible as a cheerleader on quaaludes . " A special rabbi consecrates the pig before killing it according to an ancient Hebrew tradition . It predates the Torah . " Richie Boy is a great salesman and Marvin admired his chutzpah as well as his ability to thrive amongst the goyim . Marvin promised to show up at the beach BBQ . We laughed at his schmielism and Richie Boy prepared for his early departure from New York . His father continued to kvetch like an old yenta . At 83 the only choice were work or death . Manny and I fought every day . Our arguments flushed the blood through his body . I hoped that he lived to 103 . At 59 I had more in common with him than most of the people on the planet . " You know the reason why pork is tref ? " " It caused people to have worms in the old days . " Richie Boy checked the exchange . The religious don 't have a funny bone over pig 's feet . " And don 't tell me that it 's because Yahweh ordered the Jews give up pork as the ultimate sacrifice . " " Little tastes better than bacon . " Richie Boy and I knew each other over 30 years . We had heard enough of our stories enough to give them numbers . I was still capable of catching him off - guard . " Pork is tref no matter what . Leviticus condemned pig for its cloven food , but there is such a thing as kosher pork chops . Not for the Hassidim , but it 's cooked with pickle juice and kosher salt . " " Not something I 'd eat , but maybe scientists can genetically modify a pig to have feet instead of hooves . " I had eaten pigs ' foot in Berlin . It was considered the city 's signature dish . " Pigs with little toes . " " Thanks , but I got to get ready for my trip . " I was heading out to Thailand for a month . It would be the longest that I had spend with since 2008 . " If there really was kosher pig I might change my mind . " 4 . ) Eat . Starchy foods break down sugar . Honey bunrs off the alcohol in your gut . Bacon and egg sandwich . Heaven . Eat slowly and in small amounts . If you 're tossing your innards , then have a Coke . It won 't stop the vomiting , but it will taste better . Every Saturday morning I go to the Academy Diner in Fort Greene to enjoy a breakfast of bacon and eggs . Nothing cures a hangover faster than that plate , however the corporate heads of Smithfield Foods have threatened America 's ability to recover from a night of hard drinking by offering their company for sale to sate China 's appetite for pork . The price is $ 4 . 7 billion .
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March 29 , 2017 By Rob Mead Leave a Comment Another month , another birthday . Willa is turning eight today , and her obsession with all things piratical has only become stronger ( bolstered , maybe , by her father 's daily encouragement ) . In fact , it could be said that her penchant for pirate lore is rivaled only by her love of kitties and her total disdain for the Royal British Navy . The rest of her family ( crew ? ) has cast in their lots as well , and bought her a pirate cutlass , a pirate bandana , some pirate Playmobil , a genuine Jack Sparrow hat , and some grog mugs ( grog being watered - down rum , of course , though her understanding of rum is something like lemonade that makes you dance ) . What else does she know ? She can turn to port , starboard , bow and stern . She knows what a foc 's ' le is , and a bosun , and how to measure fathoms and leagues . She will never get scurvy . And someone ( again , a male parent ) may have told her about some of the many democratic aspects of pirate social organization and policy ; as well as , of course , those pirate women . There were a few . When my little pirate was two , her mother broke her ankle rather badly . During the period of convalescence it was very difficult to have the little one sleeping in her bed , because one cannot convince a two year - old to stay off a casted ankle . For the next several months , I slept in her toddler bed , with Willa nestled in the crook of my arm , her head on my chest , until she settled to sleep and could be ( usually ) lowered to the pillow . I watched most of Breaking Bad on my phone during that period , and read a lot of Kindle books . On one treacherous night I discovered Louis C . K . and tried , with reasonable success , to a . ) keep quiet and b . ) not shake her right off me in helpless mirth . Start now by moving bedtime a little bit earlier each night - if you have a lead time of five nights ( Monday - Saturday ) then 12 minutes earlier each night gets you to an hour . Some people recommend simultaneously waking up earlier as well . I 'd suggest NOT doing that or at least not doing that until closer to Sunday . My rationale is that it 's better to get as much sleep as you can in advance of the change . Many of us are already short on sleep . See waking up strategies below . Shift meal schedule gradually as well ( if possible ) It isn 't just bedtime and morning that gets thrown out of whack by the time change . If you can 't move meals try to incorporate more snacks ( healthy ones and maybe some high tryptophan foods for dinner and bedtime snacks ) . See this article from the National Sleep Foundation . One hour before you want to get to sleep : No screens . No full spectrum , LED or fluorescent lights . Use a yellow , amber or red bulb for reading ( see the linked article on How Blue Light Affects Kids & Sleep ) . Red Christmas lights work well as nightlights . Googling " blue light blocking products " will get you to many sources of bulbs . Candlelight probably works as well , but please be careful ! Change your clock during the day on Saturday ( if at all possible ) . I got this idea from crossing the Atlantic Ocean by ship . Going east , they changed the time at noon ( since they had total control over the schedule , this was possible ) . I don 't know if part of it was psychological but it really helped . The change made dinner earlier so that also contributed . Waking up . Just as light interferes with going to sleep , it helps us wake up . Gradually increasing the light in the morning will help you ( and the kids ) wake up . There are products " dawn simulators " that provide this ( sorry to keep you Googling and spending money but it can be a good investment - some are less expensive than others so research options ) . Or you can do this manually for your children . Make morning a pleasant time : snuggling , talking , reading with your child can make for a happier transition . Breakfast in bed anyone ? Allow enough time for morning routines . The real key to happy waking up is getting enough sleep the night before . Most of us don 't get enough sleep so this is a good time to focus on more sleep . Here are some more guidelines and resources . Esther Schiedel is parent to three adults , grandparent to three boys , and a Certified Family Life Educator . She provides parenting education through classes and workshops through LBCC and through her business , Sharing Strengths . She became interested in parenting education when she became a parent and had a need for more information and support . October 25 , 2016 By Rob Mead Leave a Comment There are two kinds of parents ( actually , there are at least three , but we are concerned here with those involved in the daily lives of their children ) . There are parents who work , and there are parents whose work is to parent . And this is , well , work . " One of my children used to love going to public school , but pretty much every day was in tears when he got home . He didn 't have a clue why he was in tears , but I knew that he just needed to decompress after keeping it together all day . I steered away from friend playtime or scheduled activities right after school so that he could have time to regroup . " Nair presents some very useful tips for helping kids to ease their way back into the home environment . In addition to such universal advice as " Feed Them , " she advocates giving them the space they need to readjust their energy . Sometimes this means leaving them well enough alone for a while . Reducing noise and other stimuli , even conversation ( even to the point of avoiding that classic parent question , " How was your day ? " ) can be helpful . It is important to remember that they are feeling all the accumulated stress and fatigue that we are , but with one crucial difference : they don 't have the resources that we as adults , ideally , possess to deal with it . My job , then , is to help transform the space into something less stressful . If there is a way that I can help with dinner , I can do that ( more often than not , if dinner is already underway I can be more useful by staying out of the way ) . In that case I start on preparations for bedtime . This involves finding pajamas , closing curtains , turning on lights . I am usually the audience for whatever artwork or projects the kids have been working on that day . And when dinner is served , their mother is officially clocked out . I will confess that I sometimes envision the scenario presented in shows like Leave It to Beaver , in which my job would be to read the paper in my recliner while the dog fetches my slippers . However , this is a new century , and anyway I don 't think the world really worked like that in those days either . Also , we don 't have a dog , and the cat does not fetch . August 17 , 2016 By Rob Mead Leave a Comment I wrote a couple of weeks ago about bedtimes and how to make them work . I hinted ominously about the importance of keeping electronic devices ( " screens " ) out of kids ' bedrooms . This week I want to talk more about those screens and what battles to pick around them . Last things first : keeping phones and other devices off the table allows mealtimes to be quality interactive time for your family . This is mostly up to us as parents , because they do what we model to them ( I have to remind myself frequently not to do this ) . Sharing food with your family is a crucial time to stay connected - in the human relationship sense - and to keep up with what is happening in kids ' lives . Those screens are jealous of our eyeballs . Because of sleep . There is a strong correlation between sleep deprivation in kids and the presence of devices in their rooms . Dr . Leonard Sax , in his punitively titled The Collapse of Parenting ( I recommend reading it , but prepare to feel guilty ) , presents a stark example : " He 's staying up ' til 1 or 2 in the morning playing video games night after night . He 's sleep - deprived . And if you 're sleep - deprived you 're not gonna be able to pay attention and all the standard questionnaires , Conners Scales , etc . cannot distinguish whether you 're not paying attention because you 're sleep - deprived or because you truly have ADD . " Sax suggests that much of our nation 's overmedication of children ( and the rates here are way , way higher than anywhere else ) could be a misdiagnosis of what is actually lack of sleep . And that , thank goodness , is easier to treat . If we know how to help . And now we do ! But how we use these devices is important . Many adults have difficulty with addictive behavior around games , social media and other uses of our phones and computers . And children , especially under the age of 10 or 11 , are much more susceptible . In the dystopianly titled Glow Kids : How Screen Addiction Is Hijacking Our Kids - and How to Break the Trance , Dr . Nicholas Kardaras raises the alarm : " Video games , computers , cell phones and tablets are all ' digital drugs ' in Kardaras ' estimation , and there is more and more evidence to back him up - recent studies have shown that electronics activate pleasure circuits in developing brains . The amount of dopamine in the brain doubles ( food and sex have the same effect ) while the amount of gray matter shrinks , compromising the frontal cortex ( the decision - making center of the brain ) . This leads to delays in neurological development and verbal intelligence . " The hardest part , of course , is to model it . Put down the phone and pick up a book instead . Or a tennis racket . Or a watering can . When the kids go to bed , and how long they sleep , is the foundation for the way everything else works in our family . And I say this knowing just how many things there are to keep track of as a parent : discipline , sibling relations , nutrition , rules , chores , dealing with behavior , keeping up with the changes as they get older . We decided to focus on bedtime . And it wasn 't easy . In our house we have four kids divided into pairs , two to a bedroom . The two youngest and the two oldest each have their own bedtime and their own set of routines . It has taken years and a lot of experimentation ( and thus , a fair share of failures ) to hammer out something that works from one night to the next , and from one week to another . And it works , for now . Fingers crossed and nose to the wind . It was nice , then , to come across some outside confirmation that what we had come up with was recommended by , like , science . This post on the Simplemost blog includes a chart put together ( by an elementary school , no less ) to show the optimal bedtimes for children , cross - referenced by age and when they get up in the morning ( we can have a say in when they go to bed ; they wake up when they wake up ) . Before we pause for a round of high - fives , let 's see how we did : Here goes . Given that all four kids get up nearly every day at 6 : 30 , our five year - old should be going to bed at 7 : 15 . The seven year - old , at 7 : 30 . I say my goodnights and walk out at 7 : 45 . Not too bad . Now for the older pair . Our nine year - old 's target bedtime is 8 : 15 and the 11 year - old 's is 8 : 45 . We split the difference at 8 : 30 ( typically , the younger of the two has more trouble getting to sleep , claiming that just laying there is " boring , " while the eldest is ready to pack it in whenever ) . Why do we do it this way ? Because we can . We willingly give up a lot of the socializing we could be doing at night because of the benefits that arise from a consistent ( and according to many , a strangely early ) bedtime . I suppose we 're lucky that a lot of our kids ' friends are also homeschooled , so they don 't know just how weird it is that they don 't stay up until 10 or later . Or for that matter , why they don 't stay up later on weekends . Just how beneficial this consistent sleep is for them - and how harmful the lack of it can be - is a subject for another post . In that post I will also discuss what is found in their bedrooms at night and what is not ( spoiler : no screens ) . What is not found in the chart , and something we 're still working on as adults , is when we should go to bed ourselves . I should probably be there right now . Filed Under : Bedtime , Child Development , Elementary Ages , General Parenting , Marriage and Family Life , Nurturing , Positive parenting , Preschoolers , Routines , Toddlers , Tween , Uncategorized Spare Change In our house , birthdays are pretty special . Sometimes too special . One of the rules of the birthday is that we get to choose what we want to eat for every meal . For whatever reason , this has worked out well in the past . This year , my daughter put a lot of thought into her selection and wrote them out for us to post on the refrigerator . It was a pretty reasonable list : Okay , my daughter made the cupcakes . She 's good at it . But her birthday fell on Thursday , so I was at work , and in the course of the day my wife mentioned that she had spent nearly the entire day in the kitchen , either prepping , preparing , or cleaning up after the birthday meals . I suggested that in the future , we revise the birthday rule to specify that they may choose one special meal . If this reads as a pretty long list , trust me , it is . The whole process takes about an hour . And this is not working for me , because I become convinced that I am going to be doing the bedtime routine for the rest of my life . It is not working for the children because there is a window of optimal tiredness ( or W . o . O . T . ) which , if missed , hits a reset button in their brains that renders all of the relaxation moot . I have attempted to remove some of the steps . We can usually get the final " goodnights " down to three or four repetitions . But that 's about all I have managed . Nothing else , apparently , is negotiable . It 's all in the transitions . If the events can flow from one to another with a minimum of gaps , it all goes okay . This week , anyway . I know that the routine , like the birthday tradition , will change when it needs to . First I have to want it to change . Because , of course , the routines are at least as much about me as they are for my children . March 8 , 2016 By Rob Mead Leave a Comment I 've written a lot on this blog about the importance of routines , and of keeping things consistent and predictable for children . I do think that this is one of the most important things we can do for them , in order to keep them feeling safe and nurtured . It helps them to sleep , to focus , to transition from one place to another . Recently I was asked , when is it okay to break from the routine ? How do you know when it is more appropriate to switch things up , or to make exceptions to the rule ? In other words , are there situations in which it is better to just let things go ? I have to admit that this is hard for me . Those routines , I think , are often at least as important for my well - being as for my kids . Or at least it feels that way to me . But I ran into a situation that made me question this . It was bedtime , and as usual I was in charge of moving everyone through the pajama - donning , the tooth - brushing and the story - reading into the sleep zone . But my five and seven year - old , who had spent the day immersed in the high energy of their Nana ( my dear mother - in - law ) , were not having it . They could not calm down . My attempts to keep the energy calm and cozy were calcifying into a general sternness and lack of amusement . I sent them to say goodnight to their mom , who at this point , having had them for the day , was taking a well - deserved break . Her part in the bedtime routine has been scaled back considerably , consisting mostly of this last round of hugs and kisses . My two girls went to her and almost immediately I heard a round of giggling and whooping . She led them back into the bedroom in this state of tickling and joking and dancing around , and I was , needless to say , not amused . I have trouble with what I regard as excess jollity , whether in children or adults , that I just don 't have time to go into here , or really anywhere outside of therapy ( though I do like to quote Mel Brooks from The Muppet Movie : " I detest the surfeit of provincial laughter " ) . It quickly became evident , however , that this method of going with their rollicking energy , rather than attempting to put the brakes on it , was exactly what they needed . They were now able to transition into bedtime feeling understood and valued rather than badgered and thwarted . Point to Mom . How do we know when it is appropriate to switch up the routines ? When what we 're trying is clearly not working , especially if it usually does , it may be time to switch tack . Often it involves simply waiting and giving kids time to do what they feel they need to do . After all , when they are ready , they will be eager to return to those comforting , predictable rhythms . December 29 , 2015 By Rob Mead Leave a Comment I intended this week to write about something that has been coming up a lot in my work with parents and , inevitably , in my own parenting . Namely , how to discipline children without getting our emotions involved . This is much easier to do when the children are not our own : as a parenting educator , I can see the behavior for what it is , and know that it is not connected to who the parent is . With my own children it is not so easy . I have expectations for how our relationship is supposed to work ; I expect them to trust me and to know that what I am asking them to do is the best thing for them . When they do not seem to understand this , it is impossible to keep myself , and our relationship , out of the equation . I feel that their difficulty in meeting my expectations is personal : that I am , or the child is , failing to honor the connection that we have . And that is when as a parent I start to " lose it . " Here is an example . I have written before about my challenges in getting my six year - old to sleep through the night . I used to be able to comfort her and simply sit with her until she went back to sleep . Having a book to read on the reading app on my phone kept me busy . But then it stopped working . She would wake again in distress as soon as I tried to sneak out of her room . And my emotions would take over . I got frustrated , she reacted to this , and a drawn - out struggle ensued . Sleep would now be a long way away for either of us . For a while , my solution was to move her to the other bed , next to her mother , and sleep in hers ( it is … shorter than I am ) . Or , when all the struggling woke the four year - old sister , to move her to the adult bed and sleep in her ( even shorter ) one . As long as I was in the room , the six year - old could sleep and so could I , after a fashion . But this , I finally realized , was not solving anything . So I had to set the boundary : adults needed to sleep in their bed , and children needed to sleep in theirs . Since I could not wait her out , I told her that I would tuck her in , give her many hugs and kisses , and sit with her for five minutes before going back to my room . This was the only logical solution , but after so long accommodating her by working around the problem , this was very difficult for her . For a few nights she would simply have to be sad in her bed after I said goodnight . There was much crying and calling out of my name . Though I am sure this was much harder for her , there was no way I was going to sleep next door until she settled . But I persevered . If she came back out of her room , I could tuck her in again and say goodnight , but I would be going back to my bed . And so it went . It got easier , eventually , when she ( and I ) realized that this was going to be the expectation every time . She simply would not believe that five minutes had gone by until I started setting a timer ( for some reason she believes my timer ) . And it got easier . Some nights are easier than others . But through consistent repetition of the plan , she is now able to put herself to sleep . What happened ? All of those struggles we were having with our relation to one another - namely , that she thought she was losing me and I thought she was staying awake to torture us both - were replaced by the expectation itself , and by our willingness to work together to make it happen . I agreed to be available when she woke in the night , and she agreed to go back to her bed because she knew what would happen . It is no longer about us . Looking back , it is easy for me to see that this plan is the one I should have gone with in the first place . But my guilt and uncertainty ( am I doing this right ? ) , and her fear and anxiety ( how would I react this time ? ) kept the struggle going . Having the expectation and sticking to it was the only solution . " The greatest gift I ever received , " said a successful young attorney , " was a gift I got one Christmas when my dad gave me a small box . Inside was a note saying , " Son , this year I will give you 365 hours , one hour every day after dinner . It 's yours . We 'll talk about what you want to talk about ; we 'll go where you want to go , play what you want to play . It will be your time . " In addition to wishing that I had come up with this myself , I was reminded of that phrase we always hear as parents , usually from older folks , about our children : " They grow up so fast . " It 's a cliché , of course , something that is said so often it threatens to lose its meaning . But like so many clichés , it is repeated because it 's true . We often hear it as a plea , its message being , " Pay attention to them . Give them time now , learn to be in the present moment with them , before it 's too late . " This is a particularly hard lesson for me to keep in mind when parenting is difficult . My six year - old , who was once a champion sleeper ( and , I have to keep reminding myself , surely will be again ) , has been waking in the night and struggling to rest without the company of an adult . So when sitting with her and waiting for her to drop off again proved arduous and ultimately unsuccessful - she almost always catches me on the way out - I had to choose between putting her in my bed , next to her mother , and sleeping on her toddler bed surrounded by stuffed cats , and moving her four year - old sister when she inevitably woke from the noise and sleeping in her ( much shorter ) one . I do not find this amusing , and neither do my knees . What my daughter needs , though , in the middle of the night , is time with me . When nights are particularly hard and I am particularly tired , this is the last thing I want to give her . The message I am sending her is that I do not have the time . " Daddy needs to sleep too , " is what I keep saying because she does not seem to get it . " We all need to sleep in a bed . " She is not convinced by this logic , nor will she be comforted . And all I can think is that I need this time to pass and for her to become seven ( and thus , developmentally , more likely to soothe herself back to sleep ) . July 7 , 2015 By Rob Mead Leave a Comment I 've written a lot on this blog about the importance of routines . We try to make the events of the day - meals and snack times , transitions , chores , bedtimes - as regular and predictable as possible . The more things kids can rely on , the more secure they will feel when things happen that are out of the ordinary . After all , the best way to tell if routines are working is when something happens to disrupt them . A lot of things are different this week . My wife is away at a weeklong homeschooling conference . The four girls are with my mother - in - law in Newport for a few days ; I will be home with them for the rest of the week . This is kind of a big deal for all of us . I am especially a stickler about bedtimes , if only because it 's such a cornerstone of our home life and because we have put so much time and effort into finding a way to do it that works most of the time ( though I 'm sure there are some control issues at play in there as well ) . As you can see , there is emphasis on regular feeding . At home we have breakfast , then a morning " tea " ( sometimes known , hobbit - style , as " second breakfast " ) , lunch , afternoon " tea " and dinner . That 's food being offered just about every 2 - 3 hours , with quick snacks in between if needed . I am pretty sure that if my mother - in - law varies the rhythm of the day - with periods of activity followed by periods of rest - then any other problems can be solved by throwing food at them . They are going to have fun . They will take trips to the beach , the lighthouse and the aquarium . They will go to the park and the toy store ( they enjoy hanging out in toy stores , and don 't expect to walk out with anything . If I knew how this was accomplished , believe me , I would tell you ) . They will sleep as well as they will sleep , and I understand that I have no control over this . I never do . Working on letting it go . What I do know is that when I bring them back home , they will have had several days of new and unfamiliar rhythms , and they will be … off . And though there are some things we will need to get done , including swim lessons and grocery shopping , we will be spending the next few days just trying to get back into those familiar routines . I expect anything , up to and including tantrums , large - scale meltdowns , and general low - level crankiness . What they need is a slow and gentle shifting of gears . Luckily we will have some time to do that .
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Saturday , May 14 , 2016 : Off the coast of Florida , enroute CharlestonOnce again it is 2am when I am writing this . What better time to write the blog than on watch . We completed our third day underway from Nassau and are about 1 . 5 days out from arriving in Charleston . Of course , as always seems to happen to us , we either need to make 9 . 5 kts to arrive Saturday evening or 5 . 6 kts to arrive Sunday morning . 9 . 5 is not possible once we are out of the Gulf Stream , so it will be Sunday morning . I just hate slowing down because otherwise we would be there in the middle of the night . It is pretty crazy to see 10 + kts on the speed over ground because the Gulf Stream is adding 3kts to the boat speed . Thursday , May 12 , 2016 : Enroute Charleston , South Carolina , USA ! As I write this it is midnight and we are underway in the Atlantic Ocean between the Bahamas and Florida , the penultimate leg of our year long journey . After we successfully got the Chicago Robinson 's on their flight home , we still had a fun week ahead of us with Taylor and Wolfie . Bob 's sister and our 6 year old nephew had flown in from San Francisco and would be spending the week in the Exumas with us and traveling up to New Providence ( Nassau ) , where they would catch their return flight . Georgetown to Nassau is a good distance , about 150 nm , so we wanted to be sure to plan it out well with great sights to see along the way . Bob really put a lot of thought into a route that would please everyone . He has made this trip so nice . All seven of us sat down that evening with the chart , discussed the sights and what we wanted to do and eat for dinner . We had a plan . The next day we bit off a 40nm chunk of the trip , traveling to Rudder Cay . Rudder Cay is several privately owned islands but there are caves to explore and reefs to snorkel . Unfortunately , Wolfie had had an ear infection the week before so he was limited in how much swimming he could do . He needed to wear wax plugs with a swim cap to keep out the salt water . He did not like to wear them ( who can blame him ? ! ) And now a word from our sponsor . . . Oliver 's Blog entry out . Saturday , April 9 saw us heading around the same corner , in the boat this time . We decided to anchor in Coral Bay and go in for lunch at Skinny Legs , a local sailing community watering hole with great food . We devoured some bacon cheeseburgers , chatted with locals and wandered around the very tiny town . A few hours later , we sailed around the southeastern corner of the island and moored in Great Lameshur Bay , another protected bay on the South side . Bob and I really wanted to do a hike that started close to Great Lameshur and this was the best starting off point . Sunday morning we headed off on our hike to see some ancient petroglyphs and sugar mill ruins near Reef Bay . The hike was really nice . In my opinion the ancient dwellers just liked drawing pictures of monkey faces on rocks . The Sugar Mill ruins were interesting because they used a steam engine to power the sugar mill . When I look at the rugged steep mountains it 's hard to believe that they were once covered with sugar cane , but I understand that sugar cane needs to be replanted every year ( annual ? ) . Once they stop replanting , the natural forest takes back over ! Bob hiking close to the petroglyphsWhile Bob and I were hiking , Gary and the kids snorkeled , fished , sailed and swam . The kids had planned " The Great Adventure Day " and , with Caleb as the leader , they were going to swim ashore and explore and climb the hills off the trails . They had fun but it was a short lived expedition due to the sea urchins , the cacti and crumbling rocks on the cliffs . Probably a safe call by their fearless leader . While I was out running that evening I learned about the Tektite Museum . I 'm going to let Caleb write about this , but we went the following morning and I 'm so glad we did . In the 1969 - 70 timeframe , this underwater submersible pod was designed to test psychological and daily aspects of living for several months completely isolated and unable to return . The biologists and engineers in the pod ( 5 at a time ) were doing marine research and data gathering butAnd now a message from Caleb ! In the years just before Neil done , They are more efficient ! " ( Note from Mom : I wholeheartedly agree ! ) Leslie standing in front of the Project Tektite mock - up . This is a huge lobster found in the bay nearby . After the museum we pulled up chocks and sailed back to Charlotte Amalie , the capital of St Thomas . We did some sightseeing on Hassel Island , a small island in the harbor that has a Napoleonic Fort , an old gun battery and signal shack and remains of old shipping warehouses and ship repair and haul out buildings from the early 1800s . Today the island is part of the National Park with trails that lead to all these ruins . Gary 's hip was bothering him so he and Caleb did a taxi tour up to the correctly named Mountain Top and toured Blackbeard 's Castle and the Butterfly House . Bob and I reprovisioned at our local Costco - like superstore and surprised the family with pizza for dinner ! Sometimes it is these little things that are special . Today , Wednesday , Gary returns to the cold North and we head west to Culebra and on to Puerto Rico . Again , this is only my opinion , but I really like the USVIs . The people , the hiking and the beaches have been beautiful . I have even met two interesting local women that I have run with . Therese is a public middle school teacher here in St Thomas and Charlotte and her family are dinghy racers and run a local business . I really do meet some great people running ! Monday , 04 April 2016 : St Thomas , USVI . Here we are again , Monday morning , having enjoyed the wonderful showers and facilities of being in a marina for one night . Last week after we left Tortola we headed over to Jost Van Dyke , a small party island part of the BVIs that is very close to St John and St Thomas . We took a mooring ball in Great Harbor and just relaxed . Leslie , Oliver , Bob and I took a walk over to White Bay , which is well known for the Soggy Dollar Bar and its famously potent " painkillers " . Bob and I shared a painkiller ( fruity rum drink ) and we walked back over the hill . Nice quiet evening for us . Tuesday morning was a milestone day for us bBoateria now I 've been really proud of Oliver about his pizza business . He has really priced out the material costs and delivered his pizzas exactly on time and hot . Bob , Caleb or I have done the driving around in the dinghy but he has done everything else by himself . Oliver often comes up with big ideas that aren 't feasible for various reasons . I 'm so pleased that here was one of his ideas that he could run with . The rest of the day we hiked along the coast and swam around the boat . Next morning , Tuesday , we headed out for St Martin . Simpson Bay lagoon , the huge enclosed lagoon where most people anchor , is accessible by one of two bridges , either the French bridge on the north or the Dutch bridge on the south . Both of these bridges have specific opening times but the French side is free and the Dutch side charges by the foot . So we went around to the French side , of course ! The second part of this is that to anchor where we wanted ( near Delphinus ! ) we had to sail down a narrow , unmarked channel where the depth on the side of the channel is 3ft . We draw 3 feet , so we certainly wanted to stay in the channel . Normally we could post a lookout on the bow to see if we were staying in this channel but the water here is pretty murky . The most we could see was a color change . A couple of times we saw 3 . 3 , 3 . 5 on the fathometer and Bob and I were very nervous . The channel isn 't very long , only about 200m , but running aground is not desired ! Anyway , we made it through and dropped the hook . Cheers all around ! The kids were so happy to see Lily I practically had to restrain them from abandoning ship . We have been having a relaxing time in St Martin . One afternoon Leslie , Lily and I went dress shopping in search of a bridesmaid dress for Lily . We found a beautiful sundress with gorgeous green and blue flowers that will be especially pretty in the natural Domenica setting . Caleb is sailing in a laser regatta out of Sint Maarten Yacht Club . He and Bob have been practicing starts and reviewing racing rules . Yesterday was the first day of sailinAntigua : Its History and Now remember . 07 March 2016 : Here we are in Jolly Harbor , Antigua . We had planned on coming up here anyway , but some strong winds and squalls predicted for this week influenced our decision to stay in a marina instead of at anchor . We had a very nice quick 15 mile trip around the coast this morning and have even been able to find a nice supermarket and re - provision . Believe it or not , we had eaten every last bag of pasta on board ! And by we , I mean Oliver . . . . We have done some hiking and lots of swimming and sailing while anchored near Pigeon Beach . Our new toy , the Open Bic , has been out multiple times every day and the kids are really learning well . The water is beautiful and clear and I started off this morning with a nice open water swim . I need to get ready for some triathlons this year . Unfortunately , we have seen Britican this week as well . I say unfortunately because they had not planned to come to Antigua yet but were planning to island hop for another month when some boat repairs were needed . We were delighted to see them but sorry that their plans were derailed . They 'll be all fixed up in no time , but I did really enjoy our time talking together and Leslie had loads of fun playing with Sienna . Blog Entry for March 6 in Antigua : This blog entry is dedicated to Lily Eames - Jevons for being my friend and lending me her copy of the book Northern Lights or as you might know it : The Golden Compass . Some of you may be thinking " Oh ! I watched that movie ! " Well that movie was ( in my opinion ) inaccurate and terrible . In the book they never say " Also known as a Golden Compass " , EVER . Northern Lights is SUCH a more accurate title . I don 't know why Philip Pullman ever changed it . Anyway , to Lily ! About a week ago I realized something - I am actually enjoying this boat trip . Yes , yes , I know , " You told me so " , yeesh ! Now my moment of epiphany occurred at Pigeon Island which you , no doubt , have already heard about . While we were snorkeling , which was awesome , there were these mostly black fish with neon blue lining that were myThursday , February 12 , 2016 . Mom is here ! I was so excited to pick her up on Monday here in Martinique and we have had a wonderful time so far . As usual , I am behind on updating this so I 'll backtrack to St Lucia briefly . Oliver has written about St Lucia so I will let him tell most of the sightseeing we did . I 'll just mention some of the other items I found interesting . St Lucia is part of the British Commonwealth . There is a Lieutenant Governor appointed to be the Queen 's representative , but she does not have any power . She lives in a plantation house on the island and , as far as I can see , enjoys having fundraising or other such parties at her house ! What a life ! Everybody speaks English and the official language is English , but all the locals speak a patois that is much closer to French . Very interesting to hear . Everyone was very nice . We were in Rodney Bay marina because we needed some work done on the boat . That 's what they say , cruising is fixing your boat in foreign ports . We had a rip in the mainsail and some areas of the jib that were fraying , so off with the sails . We took them to the sail loft , right in the marina . The refrigerator was not working either . We were toying with the idea of replacing them , since we have had problems before . ( See : Finland and Portugal blogs … ) We really liked the repairman and hopefully he found the ultimate problem , which was a leak where the compressor lines met the evaporator . He soldered all that together and so far it is working well . St Lucia has so much local produce that we loaded up ! Inexpensive , fresh and tasty . We had green papaya , mango , bananas , grapefruit , and salads . The regular grocery stores were not that expensive either , so we were able to really provision for the first time since the Canaries . The kids were excited because we are starting to see many more " US " brands of food we haven 't seen since leaving last year . Real quality items like Doritos , Cheetos and popcorn ! I will confess to enjoying finding a bag of Stacey 's Pita Chips . ThereOliver wrote about the waterfalls , but they were very interesting . At Diamond Falls water coming in the river over the falls has an odd color . The water for us was a greyish color with a purple tone and we learned that the color changes depending on the chemical composition that day . We stopped for dinner in Marigot Bay , a beautiful protected lagoon south of Rodney Bay . We had been considering heading down there and anchoring for a day or so . We didn 't end up having time to take the boat down there so I 'm glad we were able to see it . James Michener is famous for saying this is the most beautiful bay in the Caribbean but I 'm pretty sure he wouldn 't say that anymore , as jampacked as it is with boats and surrounded by restaurants and resorts . It kind of made me sad . We had lovely neighbors in the marina , a couple from Bermuda who have been sailing in the Caribbean for 20 years . They had great advice and experiences to share , as well as a helping hand . I also got a running partner ! There are so many cruisers in St Lucia that every morning at 0830 there is a " cruiser 's broadcast " held over the VHF radio . It 's a chance for buying or selling parts , announcing social events and sharing the weather . I spoke up and asked if anyone would like to run with me and Anita from S / V Timshel responded . Anita is from Aberdeen , Scotland and she and I had many enjoyable runs together . We both loved trail runs and triathlon so we had lots to talk about . Speaking of trail running , Martinique is the BOMB ! As always , I wish I were a better photographer because I can never capture the full beauty of places . We are anchored now in a bay near Sainte Anne , a creole village towards the south . There are wonderful hiking and running trails all over Martinique and I am still pumped over my 11 mile loop yesterday around the southern coast . In fact , I ran through a Natural Park known for the Petrifications . We all wanted to do a hike yesterday so we drove our rental car there and had a great hike and swim . Loved it . Martinique is packLeslie 's repairs to do so we are working on those . We have canvassed and located the grocery stores in town . I have completed the laundry from our transit ! Laundry here is about 8 USD / load just to views as well . I have to mention Caleb 's birthday ! He turned 14 on January 26th and we celebrated with cake in Barbados . Can 't believe he 's getting so old when I am only getting younger . How did that happen ? We expect to move out of the marina to an anchorage week to Martinique , just in time for Carnival . We can 't wait for my mom to come next week ! ! ! Blog from Mindelo , Sao Vicente Island , Cape Verde : watch right now and has promised me a pirate ship , so I am waiting for that excitement ! Bob 's Technical Entry : Ok it has been a while since I have written . Couple of topics for the shorepower on the dock and measure with my volt meter and I see 114V . Looks good . So plug it into the boat . Our shore power breaker has a reverse polarity across both one does see 110V , but that is not how our US system is . We have a single phase of 120V . I then go to the other US boat in the Marina we turned the corner and the winds shut off completely ! Arggg . Then they filled in on the nose . Yuck . At least it was only about 30 miles away so we still got in by the mid afternoon . San Sebastian is a nice little town . Very small , nestled in the valley . It has almost everything you could want or need , but on a smaller with white tipped branches and strung some lights over it . Voila ! Somehow Santa managed to find the Robinson clan on this side of the pond . Yay ! We had a very relaxing day . The hour I was grumpy . Bob said I needed to eat the granola bar he brought . Ok , eat the bar … Zing , up the mountain ! It still was a long hard climb but it 's wind in your face were very tough . This rickety old bridge was part of our hike to El Cedro . I 'm glad it didn 't collapse ! Carol off at a hotel close to the airport . As her flight left at 7am this seemed like a reasonable option . We toured Tiede National Park again , seeing different the running there as much . However , there is one main reason we came down here . SIAM PARK ! Siam Park is a waterpark , written up often as the best water park in the from a Christmas tree that caught fire , we may decorate differently . Friday , December 18 , 2015 : Grandma Carol is here ! ! ! Yay ! We are so excited to have loop , doing a set of strength work , run and repeat . Lots of fun ! On Sunday , Oliver , Bob and I met Mike and Jeannette ( our new being taught it at school now . Cool tidbit , eh ? So , um , bye ! J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J of one of the volcano peaks , called the Roches de Garcia . Garcia had some big rocks , certainly ! This was an interesting hike , we saw caves , this is about double the time for normal road marathons winners . In fact , that is how it proved to be . I may write a separate race report , but This picture is of a church built directly into the cliffs ! La Virgen de la Cuevita ( Our Lady of the Cave ) is also patron saint of cyclists ! Happily for Dave , we got to the ferry terminal in perfect Tuesday and could we do the checkout procedures Monday evening ? Yes , no problem was the answer on Sunday . I reminded them twice on Monday . No problem , the police will come to your boat salesman about it and he cut us a slice . Such a sweet , juicy flavor , somewhat like a melon . We bought a bunch and ate them all . Then , Bob The photo is from the Islamic Cemetery in Rabat . Its incredible how many gravestones inside the low walls . The first afternoon we were here we went into Salé . It 's pretty interesting ; the old area is surrounded have taken a couple of local trips . First one was a day trip to Casablanca , about an hour away by train . The main site in Casablanca is the Grande Mosque . This is the 3rd biggest mosque in architecture . This is a a photo taken inside the Grande Mosque . Photo cred : Caleb He takes all the cool shots . All the boring ones are mine ! as soon as the sun went down the temperature drops about 20deg F . Marrakesh is a very interesting city . Very busy , bustling and hustling . This is where the salesmen will follow you to be very careful about what we eat and touch . Infections , stomach problems and illnesses can be all too common for visitors . Anyway , we found the mosques and some was so overpowering that we avoided the direct path after that . Caleb and Leslie at lunch . Caleb finds the Moroccan seating very comfy . In Marrakesh at the Saadian Tombs . They have beautiful colorful roses and these were Leslie 's and my favorites . Cecilia , this photo is for you ! ! Caleb took this picture of Bob in Marrakesh at the Ben Youssef Medersa , an intellectual center . Or is it David Letterman ? ? ? ! ! ! still see how the Roman streets were aligned and designed . There are also these cool birds that make enormous nests . This is the ruins of the minaret at Challah . Everything is open and people can climb and glad we went . This looks like a Dr . Seuss bird to me ! This is the freshwater spring with the super secret fertility powers ! These women were throwing eggs in the water and Bob and I felt like we were back in time . note : What up guys . I thought " Hey , I have not done a blog entry in a long time so why not " so here I am . So in Morocco ( or Maroc not as wild anymore ) . In the world there are 23 species . 23 SPECIES ! Here is a scary part , they hold a virus that if humans catch will night watching T . V . lastly we went to bed . Now after you have heard my best and worst days you can compare yours with mine ( if you want ) . First entry from Oliver : Hey guys , and become good sailors right of the bat ( I hope ) . A boat sailing through the water is affected by the shape of the boat , the size and trim of the sail and the wind direction . Let 's get to it . the way . In all seriousness the most hydrodynamic boat shape has a point at the bow so the forward motion of the boat can push the water out of the way more easily . If the bow is square shaped it would require much more force for the boat to be able to push the water out of the way and move forward . I hope that my essay has at least created a tiny bit of batten was 1 cm too long and got the hack saw out and shortened it up . Perfect now . Can 't wait to see the new leach under sail and I 'm sure it will give us eventually settled on polyester braid on braid . I measured our line and we needed 48 meters of 12mm . Our halyard is a 2 : 1 with on end attached to the old halyard and install the new one . From the pictures the pin just had a cotter pin and washer on both sides . So up she went with the new halyard , needle Today is October 19 , 2015 : As you read down , this begins a week ago and includes up to yesterday . I hope it is not confusing . I am happy to include the first installment of Leslie 's play , The Manipulator . I look forward to reading more of her story as it comes ! Wonder who is the Manipulator . . . Tuesday , October 13 , 2015 : U / w enroute Rota , SpainSaw this triple rainbow shortly after leaving Porto . It made me smile . be much better than what we were currently charging the battery . The Port engine was set to program P02 . Well I have them all reset and both set to seemed to work for long enough to read the meters . Well now it was , so I got the parts out . Because this was a newer model , it required that time of the morning I ask myself , is it ever going to get light ? ! Come on , Sun , don 't fail me now . I have just put a coffeecake in the oven . It 's the boat all put away as the Marina office did not open until 1000 . After checking in we moved to our assigned slip . No Wifi here , were told that there was wifi liven up around 6 and the party starts ! Since Bob and I are such party animals this suits us perfectly … The kids were making pancakes that morning and having a lot of fun . I think they did pretty well ! Maryland with powdered sugar , anyone ? Cadiz Cathedral on a rainy day . The three musketeers who climbed to the top of the tower . Not very high , as towers go , but a pretty view anyway . The sun came out just as we got there ! This is one of the original drawings from Tintin showing the Tower of Cadiz and Captain Haddock overlooking the harbor . Leslie found it . Cool . Statue to Cortez in Cadiz . of passage opened up from Saturday to Sunday morning so we took it . It was very rough to begin . Huge chop in the seas but it settled down considerably as the night went has a 300ft waterfall , swimming pools and natural slides and hikes to do . Amazing ! Bob put the directions into his phone and there were two options . One A sample of our road companions . Look at the road itself ! My window wouldn 't go down so there is glare on the screen but the countryside was beautiful . Our destination . We made it ! This is an attempt to take a picture of the jaw dropping gorge of the 300 ft waterfall . Pretty scary to get to close to it . Scary for me , anyway ! On the trek back , we decided to take the bigger roads and got an early start , waking up around 6am . Let me tell you , rousting these kids at 6 was a challenge . They have completely gotten out of the habit I took a picture of this building because I loved the tilework . Portugal is famous for these painted tiles . Last thing we did was wait about an hour for Tram 28 . This was written in our book as a " must - do " have lots of solar power ! So in all the technician probably worked 5 hours on the boat and I don 't know how long at home . Total bill 200 euros ! In the US I 'm not sure that you can get someone to even look at a refrigeration system for that ! Now the big challenge is getting our US propane tank refilled ! We have two , so we are ok for now as we just new haircut ( Leslie ) and pedicure ( me ! ) . We have gone into Porto a couple of times , though . About a 30 - 40 minute bus ride but it drops continents ! Sunday , October 4 , 2015 : Leixeos , PortugalI am so glad we decided to get here yesterday instead of today . The weather models didn 't agree when the front would hit ( surprise ! ) and we thought we may have another day and the storm would hit late on Sunday instead of mid day Saturday . Well , they were both wrong and the storm hit early Sunday morning . We went to bed with calm winds and hazy skies and woke up to gale force winds ! Our plan here for the next few days is to rent a car and visit Porto and some cities in Spain we weren 't able to see before . I ' 'll keep you posted ! This is what we woke up to this morning , and it is INSIDE the breakwater ! paragraphs to write from stupid composition . Then you give me 6 pages ! 6 pages ! Then after that I get an activity page and six more subjects . That 's 7 subjects a day ! You should be ashamed of yourself , Phonics Azores in May , we saw another American boat ! In fact , we saw two American boats . We still haven 't seen the mass of boats with kids onboard that we 've the kids ? ! They need to be here , come back tomorrow , maybe around 10 , or 11 … " So we got there , with the kids , the next weeks ago . Update : Freezer started working again ! ! ! We turned it off for a few hours and when we turned it back on it was working great . Is it a red moon when the earth eclipses the moon ? Jill tells me it is a blood moon . Well we were surprised to observe a wonderful celestial event . The lunar eclipse . We had a very fast passage across the bay of Biscay and our estimated arrival time was around 0100 . We do not like to enter unfamiliar harbors at night . But in this case we were expecting a full moon , clear skies , high tide ( springs to boot ) and the entry looked very deep and easy . We even confirmed with our weather planner that we should not expect cloud cover at time or entry . Well as we are approaching I look up and the moon is half gone . . I could still see the " darker " part very clearly , and realized it was an lunar eclipse . How beautiful , but also what terrible timing ! It took a good while for the full moon to be covered and I think it was still partially covered before sun rise ( not sure went to bed ) Tried to take some pictures , but low light , long exposure times on a moving boat - not going to happen . . . . I did get this picture after we pulled in . We did slow down and arrived around 5am . winds died and we just slowly sailed in at 2 - 3 knots for the last few hours . Blog from Channel Islands , England : doesn 't ' count ' against us for the days we can spend in Europe . Alderney is a lovely , quiet island . It was evacuated during WWII , so the island We found this fellow 's hand while hiking on Alderney . Someone had a sense of humor while building the stone wall ! I really wish I were a better photographer to capture the beauty of the places we 've seen . But I never can capture it ! Another beautiful view while running on Guernsey . I liked this bench in Guernsey . I am normally a Chesapeake Bay blue crab kind of girl but we had to try these ginormous local crabs . Luckily we have Old Bay with us ! While we were hiking on Guernsey we found this neolithic burial ground . Can you imagine ! It was a circle of stones surrounding a burial chamber around 4000 years old . I 'll let Caleb tell about this hike we did . Only accessible at low tide . boring as it usually is when I try to write one … This is a salt water swimming pool we found . The water was freezing cold , but it was cool to see . Originally I understand they were built by the Germans and one of the pools can have lap lanes and water polo games . Kind of fun . This is the same photo as above at high tide . There are about 30 ft tides here . come there as there is a nice harbor and Calais isn 't that nice anyway ! So we did . Bob 's note : It was about 50nmi beyond Oostende , and we had the Swan Park . There were at least 30 swans there , all curled up ! A lot of people were looking at them . One flipped upside down and then came back touch the top of the bottom of the bridge . Then we turned around back and got off . Then we got ice cream from an ice cream shop ! Then we got back in the thing that made me laugh was the ideas my family had for the raclette . Definitely not traditional raclette : " Can I fry an egg in there ? " " I can put bread and made a grilled cheese ! " etc . Awesome . job to go the bakery in the morning . Cuxhaven became somewhat of a working port for us . We did school , laundry and maintenance . We played on the beach . It was a shock to us , coming back to the world WWII . You can take a walk along the cliffs , which was very interesting . I will include a picture of the cliffs . In case my officemate Dave Tillman is reading We also took a canal cruise . We were a little disappointed in this due to a lack of information . We wanted to hear more as we passed by the sights , tickets in the museum that let us bypass the long entry line . It was so awesome to walk right in . They must have known we were coming ; ) The boys have stated emphatically several worked . Leslie , Bob and I loved it . Coming out of the museum we all shared a warm , fresh stroopwafel . For anyone who doesn 't know , these are thin , crispy waffle wafers with caramel in between two . So yummy ! Everyone also enjoyed climbing on the huge I Amsterdam letters . I 'll add a picture of that here as well . drills were hard , and I was clearly the worst ! Proud to say I held my own in the planks and pushups , though . The final drill was Jurgita and I taking turns steady pace and we finished in third place ! And the name of our team - All this way by boat ! Such a great name . Chris handed me an American flag right before our new boat motto , " No turning back now ! " It was so cool to see Chris , Jurgita and the boys on the pier . We were happy to refuel , refill the water bikes down to Old Town Tallinn , about a 40 minute ride . It was a very nice ride down there . It seems that when the weather is nice , like old times , riding and chatting with her . So great . While we were riding we heard a sliding sound coming from behind us , we looked back and there was a completely kit - ted out roller blader . He was drafting off of us , but clearly strong enough to pass us ! Which he proceeded to do after saying hi , racing off ahead of us like we were standing still ! I wish we could have gotten a picture . swords you can hold and pretend to fight with . Rooms talking about alchemy , and even sex in the middle ages . The " knights " fired a black powder cannon at rabbits that are the size of small kangaroos ! They are a hazard when riding your bike in the evening for sure . The funny thing is that the first night we bill . She invited us in the camper and had champagne for us ! So nice . She also hand - knit " magic socks " for us that she said would keep us safe the US was Mexican food , so we came back to the marina and made a Taco Fiesta ! Very fun . I also make my mom 's world famous Buttermilk Pound Cake . This cake always gets inhaled and yesterday much , from playing floorball at the sports center with Valtteri to hiking to just enjoying the sunshine . Now we are on our way to visit the Rohde family in Tallinn , and we can 't wait ! Finland has been awesome and I think everyone is ready to build a summer home here . Bob wants to come back in the winter and go skiing and go to the ice hotels . A huge huge thanks from our family to our Finnish family , the Armantos ! I have always thought of you as part of our family and I 'm so happy that our kids get along so well and are continuing the traditions . Kiitos ! them in Finland and they have come to the US ! This is why Finland was a definite place to visit on our trip . When we arrived in Finland , thankfully Jussi I want to have to do , but better than getting Lyme 's , right . Going to post this now , but we have lots more fun things planned in Finland . Heidi and Jessica will be here in a couple of days and we want to go to visit the castle ! Can 't wait ! Today is July 23 , 2014 . I 'm updating for the past week or so , with input from Leslie and Oliver today ! It will start a week ago and work up to today . I hope you are enjoying our crazy adventure . Saturday , July 18 , 2015 , anchored in Solberganaset , Sweden : would buy a horse , ( I 'm pretty sure it was Crone , but not certain ) . Thank - you ! Jill 's blog : Thursday , July 23 , 2015 : Stockholm , Sweden . Sorry to be so long winded ! You probably guessed that we went to an amusement park afterwards ! Big highlight of Oliver 's day . In my opinion , the funniest time was when write this , we are on the way to Hasle , Bornholm , Denmark . We had a wonderful last day in Cuxhaven . The weather was terrible , rainy and the marina and made our way down the river to the start of the Kiel Canal . First thing to figure out was the lock . We had never gone through a lock before . We read all we could about the procedures , minutes for the lock to drain and reopen , and we were off into the canal . The canal itself was very peaceful and quiet . A nice path runs alongside both sides of the where you could even rent a bike for 1Euro to go on a " Brotchen run " . Not even kidding ! Bornholm is kind of the beach / family kind of island . Tons of families here with kids , and everyone this is when Oliver and Caleb wanted to swim . I let them swim , and they had fun , but I was nervous about it . They are both strong swimmers , but the sea is always actually , across the river from Portsmouth . We had a really nice time in Portsmouth . I just realized I didn 't mention Wednesday . We were up early , walked about 30 minutes to get 25 minutes later , we met up with Bob , hot cranky and hungry . Oh , and the kids were too . Sorry for the long drawn out story , we found know . But that was the best one ! Then we went to the World of Top Gear . ( BBC ! ! ) It was hilarious because they had a limo with bowling and an archery state for the record that I was the only one to get to the top ! Leslie was very close as well . First I did the medium level one , and the the kids had a great time exploring the chalk cliffs called " Old Harry 's Wife " . Great name , right ? ! Of course , as soon as we set sail for Yarmouth , pulled into a walk - ashore pier spot , which is always nice . Friday and Saturday were jam packed with activities ! Isle of Wight has a great bus system , and we pay them the going rate for their harvest . Leslie said " wow , it 's like he was a real dad ! That sounds like something our dad would do . " Of course , their cottage was as big as many 24 June 2015 , at sea heading toward Poole , UK : It 's been a few days since I 've written , so since we are at sea for most of the day , I will use this time to catch up ! We spent a day or so in Plymouth , largely disappointing , to be honest . The marina was wonderful , with free hot showers , so we all enjoyed that . I did have to remind Oliver that showers are more than standing under the hot water , though , soap is a critical factor ! We took the ferry over to the Barbicon , which is sort of the downtown Plymouth area , with tons of cafes and restaurants . We wandered over to the Drake memorial , kids climbed around the citadel walls and we watched some lawn bowling . In the afternoon we spent most of the time at the library ! Bob wanted to see the Plymouth museum , but the kids wanted a chill afternoon , so we just sat in the public library and read . The next morning I went for a nice run along the southwest coastal trail , before we headed out . Sometimes the trail is hard to follow , because there are many turns and it goes through towns , but I guess as long as I am still running it doesn 't really matter , right ? We sailed to Dartmouth on the 21st , a very nice broad reach and we were making about 9 knots . Dartmouth is a little up the Dart river , and you have a great view of Dartmouth Castle when you enter . Can really understand why the castles were built right on those cliffs , they would certainly strike fear in any invaders . We tied up to a floating pontoon by early afternoon . Later that evening we went onshore in Dartmouth . I really like this town ! Of course , it being Sunday afternoon , all the shops were closed , but it looked like a neat village . Monday morning was raining and chilly . We walked over the hill to get to Dartmouth castle , about a mile or so . I don 't know if Joni , my kettlebell trainer , is reading this , but I was thinking about you this morning . Joni tells us how as a culture , we have gotten away from the functional daily movement that our ancestors used to do . The walking , the lifting , turning , holding , etc . InsteadToday 's entry is equal Thursday , 18 June : Jill 's blog : We sailed from Falmouth to Fowey yesterday . It was a nice easy sail , took us about 4 hours . We were expecting about 15 knots starting at and we were off to explore the town . There were some nice shops and bakeries , and we tried a Cornish pasty . Ours was the traditional steak , potato , leek and detector so keep your fingers crossed for her . Tomorrow we are off to Plymouth , so we 'll update you more then . Caleb entered a blog below . Kind of out of chronological order but still Tuesday , 16 June 2015Well , I realized it is ten times easier to type the blog as a word document and copy it over later , rather than type into the blog directly . Not that it makes any difference to read , but I have lots I want to say and this is one way I 'll get it on paper . give you the real scoopAfter our really long drive into Cornwall , we finally reached the boat . We slept really well , and woke late . We decided to walk to Pendennis Castle , a local medieval " keep " that was one of Henry VIII 's castles , and used from Tudor times all the way to WWI and WWII . This castle was made of stone , with a moat and a tall turret . Of course , several gun decks from the beach all the way up to the top . Really cool . I felt that at any moment the medieval soldiers would be banging their tankards of beer in the mess and listening for the invaders . There were beautiful lawns surrounding the castle and the weather was sunny and warm , so the kids had fun running around the lawns . Oliver challenged Caleb to a run around the moat , each starting in an opposite direction and seeing who would be back first . After about 40 seconds , Oliver decided he was tired , and instead was going to climb the wall of the moat . And … the guard told him to get back down . Surprise , surprise ! Caleb ran the whole way around and came back about 15 minutes later , thank goodness . Today , Tuesday , was another beautiful day . I started off early with a great run along the Southwest Coast trail . This trail goes 650 miles along the coast . In some places it is really rugged , with just a narrow trail ; in other places the trail goes through coastal towns . I am a little " Crazie " , but I didn 't go the entire 650 miles ! I just had some wonderful runs along the trail , and met a couple of nice runners along the way . One woman I met was originally from Manchester ( England , England , across the Atlantic Sea ….:) ) but had been living in Cornwall for 20 years . She was doing her last long run before a marathon next weekend . Hmm , wonder if we 'll be close . Anyway , we tSaturday , 13 June - written by Leslie , age 11 . Me , the American foreigner that is here to give you the good But , I can tell the boat trip is going to be okay . Friday , 12 June : departure day from the U . S . ! This is Jill , and we are waiting at Dulles airport for our flight to London , set to leave in an hour or so . The past few weeks ( months ! ) have been a whirlwind , getting the kids , the house , work , and all the logistics set to go . The kids have been really helpful , getting things ready and accepting things like nachos for dinner ! Oliver has been happy because he 's had pizza much more often than usual . Last night we spent at a hotel close to Dulles , had a nice swim with Laura Lampel and Lindsey and a fun dinner after . Thanks again for driving us down there in all that rush hour traffic . Thanks to Heidi for lending me her car after mine died last month ! Thanks to all the teachers , colleagues and crazies who have really supported us through the planning . One last HUGE thank you to my parents , Tish and Roger , and Bob 's mom , Carol , for everything ! Watching the kids , cleaning , helping pack , we could never had done it without you . On to London , and the adventure awaits . . . where they live is only 12 miles from Falmouth … So bus stops here are called a Moor . What I learned is that generally the buses show up late , if at all , and house and are excited to move in a couple of months ! Final leg across the Atlantic ! The Azores to Falmouth , England . May 29 , 2015 - June 6 , 2015 . ( Blog entry thanks to Carol Robinson , Bob 's mom . I really appreciate it , Carol ! ) On Robinson , mother Carol Robinson and friend and Duncan 's uncle , Frank Hill . With four people on board , watches are 3 hours . Each evening at 2200 Bob but still need to power sail for a while . Spinnaker up all day and moving 6 - 8 knots depending on the gusts . Red sky to the west and bright moon to the latitude to avoid a storm that is coming down from NW . There were four boats crossing ahead and behind us . Decreases the monotony . As Bob said tonight we cannot complain about the food . Tonight it was tacos , guacamole , rice , black and wing ; 1800 jibed onto P with jib reefed on S side . Moving 8 . We had to stay below 44 latitude until 1800 to avoid high winds ; now we playing bridge whoever was the dummy prepared the dinner . Carol was never the dummy ! Frank cut the vegetables ( carrots , potatoes , onions ) , Duncan seared the beef and Bob managed the of the day by Duncan : " It 's a sunny day . We must not be in England . " Keep pretty much on rumb line for Falmouth have almost a heading into the wind for Sao Jorge . Reefed main and ultimately rolled in the jib . Saw dolphin , whales and one sea turtle . Arrived at Marina Velas and tied up to the wharf . Very few boats here though there is the This is one of Carol 's pictures from the island of TerceraThe second day in Horta we took the ferry over to the island of Pico . Pico has a 7000ft mountain , with a 5k hike to get to the top . How hard can a 5k hike be , we thought ? We got to the base of the hike , at about 2000ft , around 3pm . Told the attendant we were planning to go all the way to the top . No , we weren 't , she said . It takes 3 hours to go up , and four to come back . Whoa . Ok , so we decided to climb for a couple of hours and see where we got . Of course , all the while we were planning on going to the top . Those of you who know me who are reading this ( crickets . . . ) will not be surprised by this ! Of course we were going to the top . Those time estimates don 't apply to us . Anyway , we did get to the top . The hike was pretty much vertical climbing up volcanic rocks and scree , so not easy at all . The trail was marked by 45 sign posts , and you basically got to one post , looked up to find the next , and walked to it . Sometimes the trail wasn 't obvious . At the top , it was beautiful ! When the clouds cleared , you could see forever ! At the top of the caldeira there was one further cone that was beckoning Duncan and me to climb , so of course we did ! I hope I can put one of his pictures up here too . This is a picture from the top of Pico Mountain . The first day in Horta we took the scooters up to the volcanic caldeira . All the islands are volcanic . Due to the really moderate 50 - 70deg average temperature , they are extremely lush and lend are ideal for dairy farms . If I were a cow in the Azores , I would be in heaven . These cows often have entire fields for themselves ! The caldeira had a nice five mile hike around the rim of the crater , so it felt great to stretch our legs and do this hike . Bob , Duncan and I had a great few days in Horta and the neighboring island of Pico . The first day there we rented scooters , only 20euro / day ! ( Sorry , Anita , Courtney and Ana ) Duncan was a natural , but can you imagine Bob and I racing around on the scooters ! Especially with Bob 's newly gro2015 Leg 2 : Bermuda to the Azores Duncan , Bob and I ( Jill ) left Bermuda at 12 : 45 on Sunday , 10 May to sunny skies There were some strong lows out there that would have put us in 50kts of wind . Not so much fun ! So we stayed south , driving east out running the 07 May - 10 May 2015 Inport St . George 's Harbor , BermudaWe arrived as planned at 0800 on Thursday 07May . After clearing Customs and Immigration we met Sandra who helped us with local logistics . Refueled ( ouch ! ) and then headed to the St George 's Sports and Dingy Club ( STGSDC ) where we moored for the three nights . Ana Robinson ( Duncan 's Wife ) , Courtney Robinson Schick and Anita Robinson ( Dane 's Wife ) all arrived at the Bermuda Airport and the fun began . Thursday we provisioned and did some touring of St . George and had a big dinner on the boat capped off with a epic game of Settlers of Catan ( which the Captain paired up with Courtney were victorious - mostly due to Courtney 's astute play ) . Friday AM was a grand tour of the island . First stop was Hamilton via bus where a friend of Duncan and Courtney ( Jinny ) hosted us for dark and stormys ( or is it Stormee ? ) and lunch . Then Ferry and 1 / 2 ( the first one broke down ) to the Dock Yard that was ghost town due to both cruise ships leaving port while we were there . We stopped by the Oracle Base ( this is the team that won the last Americas Cup ) where they are setting up camp and getting ready to defend the Cup . Thanks to Taylor Robinson ( sister ) who happened to babysit one of the team members ( Rome ) while training in Australia during her Olympic Campaign . We took the bus all the way back to St . George and had dinner at the STGSDC . Saturday started with some boat maintenance with Duncan going up the mast to fix the forward mast head light and replacing a halyard . Courtney was on a mission to get pink sand and so after it was a beach day for everyone but me ( Bob ) as I stayed at the boat to pay bills and pick Jill up from the airport . Sunday is final reprovisioning , top off fuel and water and underway planned for 1200 . A big high is forming just east of Bermuda so day one will take us north until we reach 34 or so latitude and hopefully more wind than we saw getting to Bermuda . . . of dophins followed us for about 20 minutes . We also spotted a whale off our port bow one morning . The last bit of excitement came on Tuesday afternoon . We hadn 't had any bites for the past couple Marlin jumped out of the water . It was bigger than what Bob wanted anywhere near the boat and after a 20 min fight , including getting the fishing line wrapped around the rudder , the Blue Marline spooked and made another run for it , and broke off . Bob was happy . 30 Mar - 03 Apr 2015 Spring Break : Dad , Leslie and Oliver took the boat down the ICW to Barefoot Resort Marina . Over a 7 hour trip using both motors the full way . Seemed that we were going against an adverse current the full way down . Great week . Lots of beach , more beach , and a little bit of shopping . Beach was a little over 1 mile from the marina and Dad Biked , kids scootered to the beach each day . Temps were in the 80 's , though the water was bit cold ( kids did not mind ) . Rodney and Isabelle Yerger and their two daughters joined us on Thursday . Everyone went for a short boat ride down the ICW , before we turned around and dropped all the girls off ; Rodney and Oliver joined me for the trip back to Harbor South Village Marina . We made it back in about 6 hours due to getting favorable current almost the full trip and that included waiting on both bridges due to just missing an opening ( need to clear traffic ) and for another boat to catch up . Did not enjoy the " rock pile " part of the ICW either direction . Bumped something on the way south . New Years 2014 - 2015 : Due to tax laws in North Carolina , Jill and I decided to take the boat south to South Carolina for a few days and spend some time without the kids ! Boat trip was approx 5 hrs south down the ICW . This was our first time in the ICW , and I think we would both prefer to be out in the open ocean , sailing ! New Years eve , as usual , we went to bed early . On New Years day we went biking down into the Myrtle Beach area and discovered the Barefoot Resort Marina . ( made plans to take kids here for Spring Break ) We had dinner New Years day at the local steak house . We left early at first light on the 2nd with a favorable ebb and were back at our face dock the Harbor South Village Marina by 1145 and home in Maryland by 7 : 30 . 07 - 09 Nov Jill and Bob trip to Southport NC from Hampton VA : Weather off Hatteras delayed our trip south a couple of weeks and it was worth the wait ( though we lost the help of Sean O ' Connor ) . Vice 55kts off the east coast , we had a nice downwind sail ove
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+ Bake for one hour . ( Your oven may vary be sure to keep an eye and nose alert . You should know the variances of your oven though . Just use your best judgement . ) + Leave on the flat part of the pan or careful move it to a plate . ( I use the double invert method to get it off the baking pan so it doesn 't get scratched up during cutting and serving . + Cover ( plastic wrap or foil ) and refrigerate for at least 8 hours before cutting and serving . I hope you enjoyed this recipe . If you cook this I 'd love to hear what you thought . Thanks for stopping by and have an awesome day ! Welcome back for the third and final installment of my Memphis trip post . After finally shedding a few tears at my father 's passing I decided to drive to my old neighborhood and get a look at how things had changed . Now the small town of Millington basically only sprang into being because of the Naval Air Station . This was closed in 1996 well before I left the area . Everyone feared that this would mark the end of the town as that had been the case with so many Military towns across the country after their bases had closed . I am pleased to report that today in 2011 the city is bigger and stronger than ever . It was strange seeing how big my sleepy little hometown had gotten . The biggest shock was the Starbucks and IHOP that are now in town . I failed to get pictures of this part of town , probably due to the great shock I was experiencing . The towns main drag is Navy road . Aptly named as it began life as a Navy town . Navy Road intersects US - 51 and this is where I snapped my first picture . Behind this street off camera to the right is the small tri - street area where I lived as a small child from about 7 to 12 years old . We lived directly behind the Pizza Hut . Which may be why pizza is my favorite food to this day . The shed in the back yard is new and there used to be a big hedgerow around the entire front yard . Other than that it looks about the same . 7950 Susan Millington , TN 38053 I spent almost my entire elementary school years at this house . I attended E . A . Harrold Elementary School on what used to be the outskirts of town . Cruising down Navy road from here the biggest changes were the decorative median strips the city added with grass , flowers , and trees to help beautify the city . Also the Donut Factory , a 24 hour restaurant and bakery that used to be THE place to hang out late night is now a bar & grill . This was oddly depressing but at least the building was still there . Unlike the Golden Corral I had worked at for 3 and a half years right after college which had been bulldozed before I left town . Now the location is a Kroger Gas Station . A bit further down Navy road is a housing subdivision . I lived on the first street of this area called West Navy from when I was about 16 until I was 19 and moved away from home for the first time . 7790 West Navy still exists along with a little over a dozen privately owned homes . The rest of the 7 street subdivision has been bulldozed . There is a YMCA and the park that used to be for the subdivision is still there . Otherwise the whole area looks vacant and creepy . Its been painted , it used to be blue with white trim . The rose trellis is gone and the trees are all much bigger . Around the corner from here and back on Navy Road again is the small community market I used to walk to for snacks and such . Its also where I bought my first adult periodical . Back in the day we didn 't get our porn online we had to get it from magazines and books . I never got carded here but I never tried to buy alcohol either . Just porn which they were always willing to sell provided you had the cash . Further up Navy road is what used to be the Naval Air station . Naval Support Activity MidSouth is what it has become . This is basically administrative offices and such . The old airstrip has been turned into a public airport . Back down Navy road towards town and off to the right is Easley Street . This is a block or two from the trailer park I moved into when I moved away from home at 19 . It is also where the little bar I drank away a year and a half of my life is at . Followers of my blog may remember that story from my post A River of Sadness . I considered stopping in for a quick drink but decided against it . This trip was supposed to be about remembering the good old days and I didn 't want to chance being dragged down by bitter old memories . Around the corner and down the road from here is the High School I graduated from . I only attended it for a year and a half because of our relocating but it is my official Alma Matter . Millington Central High School class of 1989 , Go Trojans ! After seeing the sights of my old hometown I drove back to Mel 's house . We played Guitar Hero , and Beatles Rock Band that night . It was the first time I played any of those types of games and I wasn 't very good at first . Melody was of course much better . She started drinking as we played and I started to improve . Just about the time our skill levels seemed to be getting close , in spite of the fact that she was two difficulty levels higher than me , she got completely wasted . I mean damn near falling down drunk . Here 's where it gets weird because after she was completely knackered her skill level went through the roof . She played better drunk than she had while sober . She continually rubbed it in as well . The next day was my birthday . Melody and I went to lunch at Pei Wei and then shopping at Best Buy . It was some of the best Asian food I 've ever had . That evening Melody & Mark took me to Applebee 's for my birthday dinner . I invited BengalKatLady to come share the evening with us . It was the first date I had been on in years . Everyone had a very good time and Kat told me to call her when I get back to town . She is a very special woman . When we got home Mark , Melody and I recorded a plastercast . The first one I 've gotten to do in person with her . Now that she has some free time perhaps it will be on the website soon . Bucket of Mars The following day was the last day of my trip . Mark , Melody and I drove around their neighborhood for a bit talking . We went to lunch in Millington at Milano 's Italian Restaurant . Which is in the building that used to be Captain D 's . This is where I got my first real job , part time during the summer between my junior and senior years . We returned home and I loaded up my car and got ready to return to Missouri . I hugged my dear friend and headed out . The drive home from a trip always seems shorter than the drive away . Far too soon I found myself back in the driveway I started from but with one small change . My car , much like my heart is now branded with Tennessee . Thanks so much for stopping by to check out my blog . Take care and have an awesome day ! Welcome back for part two of my Memphis trip post . After dinner the first night we headed back home by way of the liquor store . I got Bacardi Superior ( my liquor of choice ) and mixed it with Pepsi One . I have an outfit I call my pirate pajamas , black gauzy comfortable with that swashbuckler look . I put those on and we watched Scott Pilgrim Versus The World and The Princess Bride . Two of our favorites and both great for shouting out quotes during . After about three drinks Mel stopped drinking and just watched me get drunker and drunker . I finished over a fifth of rum on my own ( she was drinking tequila shots ) . I remember getting up to use the restroom halfway through the second movie then coming back and it was over . No headache the next day but I felt like I had rocks in my stomach and a bit queasy the whole day . It had been a long time since I drank that much in one night . That day we had to go to the University of Memphis so Melody could get her cap & gown and speak to one of her professors about her future . The new University Center is more like a mall than a college building . It was very impressive and beautifully done . I waited in the bookstore cafe while she went to her appointment enjoying the cute college coeds wandering through . Ahh to be in college again , youth is truly wasted on the young . That 's her with her dog Picasso . She lives in the Cooper Young District in a beautiful little house . Her backyard looks like a park . It so peaceful and green . We had Tops BBQ for dinner . She knew it was my favorite and one of the things I missed most about Memphis . Best BBQ in the world ! We caught up and looked at old family pictures . She kept offering me cocktails but my stomach was still too tore up for that . We had a great time though . I have a crazy family but she is one of the few I actually enjoy spending time with . The next day Mark and Melody and I went down to Celtic Crossing in the Cooper Young District for her graduation party . I got to meet Brian Bomar and his wife from Mel & Mark 's D & D game . I also got to see Rick another D & Der and his wife . He and I worked at a Computer Tech company in Memphis for awhile before I left . I got to meet two of Melody 's gay husbands @ WheelerThisWay and @ Bugabeesbiscuit . Both great guys but I think I liked @ WheelerThisWay a little bit more . Of course I did get to talk to him more so that may be why . Then @ Bengalkatlady and her sister @ Miss _ Cody arrived . I had met Kat through Mel on Twitter months ago but this was the first time I had gotten to meet her in person . She is a delightful woman and her pictures on Twitter don 't do her justice . She is just the kind of sweet Southern lady I could see myself settling down with . Gotta love those southern gals ! Sadly her and her sister didn 't get to stay long as they had a prior commitment but meeting her was definitely the highlight of my evening . The service at Celtic Crossing was shite but they were quite busy . Still drinking with friends out in the open air on the patio of an Irish Pub in the cool Southern night air was incredible . Mel made up for her drinking so little a couple of nights earlier so it was my turn to laugh at her antics . A fun time was had by all ! To her credit , even in her new high heels , Mel walked unassisted back to the car to spite the uneven & broken sidewalks . Even drunk she can handle her liquor , retaining her class and charm . The following day was Melody 's graduation . All of the long months of hard work , blood , sweat and tears were finally at an end . Going back to school with a family has got to be a hell of a challenge . There were certainly times that she felt overwhelmed and unable to go on . However Melody had made it to the finish line like I always knew she would . I am so proud of my friend . I know she can do anything she sets her mind to . She received a Bachelor of Science with a Major in Biology and a Minor in Chemistry . Again I apologize for the crappy picture but all I had that day was my camera phone . Despite being reminded by a friend on Twitter before hand I managed to walk out of the house without my digital one . Melody is in the back row left side 3rd from the right . Here she is Mel the Scientist . Look out world this smart woman will be taking over any day now ! Graduation over we went home and I got to cook a meal for my chosen family . I made Herb Roasted Chicken Breast , Fettuccine Florentine , and Mozzarella Garlic Bread . It was very well received . Even though I 've known Mark & Mel for a long time it was the first time I had gotten to cook for them . Cooking for the people I love is my passion . I think I enjoyed cooking it even more than we all enjoyed eating it . The following day Mel and I drove around in my car . We got to see the city and relive old times when we used to hang out together doing nothing in particular . We stopped to visit my grandfather and pay our respects for his service to our country . Goddess bless all our veterans living and dead ! He served in the Army in World War 2 . He was a Memphis taxi driver and a published poet . Sadly he died before I was born . I would have liked to have met him . After that Melody suggested we go to Williams Sonoma for a little shopping . I had never been there but due to my love of cooking had of course heard of it . We shopped for a while and I saw so many things I would have loved to buy . I thought I would get out without making a purchase but there was an item on sale I just couldn 't pass up . A metal Star Wars lunchbox with classic move poster logo . Complete with two sandwich cutters , a Millennium Falcon and an Imperial Tie Fighter , all for ten bucks . How could a geek like me say no ? ! ? That night Mark suggested we go see THOR . Now I like comic books as much as the next geek but I 've never been big on the Marvel stuff . I didn 't expect much of this movie but one Mark was excited and two I was spending time with my friends . They could have suggested we go shovel poop at a horse stable and I would have been ok with it just because I would be doing it with them . BOY was I pleasantly surprised . This move ROCKED ! It was perfection in motion . I have nothing bad to say of this film in any way . If you are a fan of comic books , or Norse Mythology run do not walk to the theatre to see this film ! Even the ladies will be pleased with this film . They thought of everything . The following day I went by myself to do the other thing I came to Memphis for . A little over a year ago my father died . He and I had not spoken to each other for over 15 years at the time of his passing ( his choice not mine ) . I felt no emotion good or bad when I got the news and felt no reason to go out of my way to attend his funeral . I could not in good conscience however avoid visiting his grave my first trip back to town . He was laid to rest in West Tennessee State Veteran 's Cemetery on March 16th 2010 . If the tombstone is accurate he reenlisted in the Navy and served in the Persian Gulf some time during the years we did not speak . He became a licensed psychiatric counselor after he retired from the Navy so perhaps he served in this capacity . Even with our bad history and the way he treated my mother and myself during my child hood standing there that day I couldn 't help but feel a little proud of him . Rest in peace dad I bare you no ill will . Once again I think this is a good place to stop for now . There will be a third and final installment of this post tomorrow . I would like to thank you for stopping by and as always have an awesome day ! I got back from the best trip of my life two days ago and I just have to share some of my experiences here . Let me start by saying I was born and mostly raised in Memphis Tennessee . We moved around quite a bit while I was a kid as my Dad was in the Navy . However no place else has ever felt as much like home as my dear Memphis . No wonder greats like Elvis , BB King , and Sharon Stone kept homes there throughout there careers and lives . Its a beautiful vibrant area that in spite of all the growth still looks and feels green . The evening before my trip I was packed with car loaded and in bed by 11 pm so I could get an early start the next day . I was too excited however and only managed to fall asleep twice for less than 20 minutes at a time . At 4 am I decided I wasn 't going to do any better sleep wise so I got up and got ready . After a breakfast of Yorkshire Pudding ( one of my new found favorites ) I jumped in the car , hit the bank , filled my gas tank and was on the road by 5 am rolling out of town . I got to see the sunrise that morning as I drove west on I - 70 . It was a gorgeous sight . I am sorry I failed to get a pic of it but it was early and I hadn 't thought to put my camera in the seat next to me so I could reach it while driving . Safety first kids ! The orange and red hues slowly filling the sky over the flat Missouri farmland was like a painting . I traveled on Via I - 64 and I - 270 through St . Louis . The morning drive radio teams were talking about Cinco De Mayo and they had a call in discussion about whether you 'd rather fuck a taco , a burrito or a donkey . " Unless it was a damn sexy female donkey and I was very drunk I 'd take the burrito . Unless sexy Democrats count , no probably not . " I thought to myself as I drove through the beginnings of rush hour on the outbound side of the city . Driving on I - 270 turned into I - 55 which turned into I - 155 . 400 miles into my trip time for refueling and liquid waste disposal . I stopped in a small Missouri town called Hayti for gas and Arby 's . I thought it was pronounced like the island . I learned however that the locals prefer HAY - TIE . They were remodeling so I got to use a port - a - potty . Granted it was a nice trailer size port - a - potty with sinks stalls and urinals but it still stank . That could have been due to the large African American construction worker that had just exited it though . Back on the road the end of Missouri was not far off . There had been extensive flooding so the Mississippi river was way out of its banks . They had suspended barge traffic as far upstream as Cincinnati Ohio . This was along the interstate 3 miles out from the bridge . These pictures of the Mississippi River were actually taken on the Tennessee side on my return trip but they made more sense to insert here . I apologize for the quality of the pictures by the way . Keep in mind I was driving . So now I was back in Tennessee . I gave a loud YEEHAW to no one in particular as I crossed the state line . Immediately I notice that instead of flat farmland lining the interstate there were trees . Ahh trees ! I forgot how much I loved seeing your green beauty graces the roadsides . I inhaled deeply taking in the fresh air and the scent of fresh honeysuckle . Oh my sweet southern mistress how I have missed you ! I - 155 turned into TN - 78 which quickly turned into US - 51 . The highway that runs through Millington . The town I lived the most while growing up . From here on I was home . I felt like Kevin Costner in Robin Hood , " East is that way . I would know blindfolded , I 'm five miles from home . " I tune the radio over to see if I 'm in range yet . 102 . 7 Rock 103 crackles to life over my speakers . I sigh another sigh of happiness . Further down US - 51 I see some old familiar sights and of course some new ones . I drive and marvel . I smile and well up . Emotions run high but there is no where I 'd rather be at this moment . I finally reach the Munford / Atoka area . This is where my oldest and best friend Melody lives . She is one of the reasons I 've decided to take this trip . Not just because I haven 't seen my best friend for 12 years but because she is graduating College . A momentous occasion for sure . Add in my 40th birthday and well if there 's a better reason to take a rip I don 't know what it could be . I stopped of at Sparky 's Exxon for a bathroom break . It worked out that it was on the corner of where I needed to turn off of the highway anyway . I was greeted by an old familiar smell . This gas station always had a lunch counter but now they added a full blown restaurant out back . As tempted as I was I decided to be good and wait for dinner later . I had just had lunch a little over an hour ago so this helped steel my will . Now there is nothing wrong with Kansas City BBQ . Their beef brisket is delicious . But when it comes to BBQ there is nothing in the world like a good old fashioned Memphis pulled pork BBQ sandwich . I digress I had driven a long way , 462 miles . It was time to find my friend . I pulled down the road and was reunited with another old friend . Tree tunnels ! Sometimes when driving down these roads canopied with trees its hard to remember you 're driving at all . It makes my pagan heart beat faster being submerged in so much nature . I drive on turning down one suburban street after another . Finally I pulled up in her driveway . She lives in an absolutely gorgeous neighborhood and has a lovely home . Pictures of both have been withheld however out of respect as I did not ask permission before I wrote this . I wasn 't sure if she was home or not as she had the last of her college finals earlier that day so I texted her asking what time she 'd be home . Since I left out early and the trip took less time than I expected I was like 4 hours early . I made the trip including stops in 8 and a half hours . She answered that she was home now and asked where I was . I got out of my car and started up the walk to her door and texted back that I was here . She responded " In my driveway ? " instead of answering I rang the doorbell . She opened the door and I was greeted by her lovely smile . I went inside and hugged her tight , so happy to see my friend again . In this world you meet and know a lot of people . You have many acquaintances and friends and family . However there are generally only a small handful of people that you are really close with . Of these there might be one or two you 'd do absolutely anything for . Melody is one of those for me . I 'd walk through hell for or with her just because I knew she needed me to and I know she 'd do the same for me without my having to ask . OK sappiness over for now . We sat and talked for a bit and I brought in my stuff . Later she picked up her daughter mustardfreak ( approved nickname she uses to refer to her online ) from school . I had never met her in person as I hadn 't seen Mel or her family in longer than she had been alive . She reminds me so much of her mother but you can see her father Mark in her just as much . We decided to take a drive around the area and head to dinner . In the south Jesus seems to be everywhere . Apparently he is even into modern communications and media . Jesus is a satellite dish , smh . We drove on looking at the sights in the town and area around Mel 's home . We drove through Covington . They have a lot of pretty sights as well as a town square that looks like it came straight out of a Norman Rockwell painting . Its kind of hard to make out but this Memphian is proudly displaying the Union Jack . God save the queen ! We talked . Mel tweeted . I came close to shitting my pants on several occasions . She needs to either not tweet and drive or get some kind of futuristic heads up display . Then we stopped for dinner at the Pig N Whistle . I had the pulled pork sandwich , fried okra , and french fries . It was good but not the Tops sandwich I had been dreaming of . There was plenty of time though that would come later . This blog post has grown much larger than I expected so I think I will break it up into segments . Two or possibly three , that way it will be easier to get through for the reader plus it will give me more days to fill . So this is it for today but I 'll be back with part two tomorrow . I guarantee it ! Thanks for stopping by and have an awesome day ! Today was an absolutely gorgeous day . It was 80 degrees F here in Higginsville , Missouri . The warmest its been all year so far . I decided it was too nice to stay couped up inside so i went out to see what I could do in my little town . I wanted to see about getting a gym membership . Neither of the two gyms in town however had any staff in them . No worries I thought let 's go see about getting a haircut . We have one actual Barber Shop and one hair salon in town . Both of which were closed . That 's a small town Sunday for you I thought . No matter I 'll go to the walk track for a bit of a workout . They can 't close that Sunday , night time , or otherwise . So off I went for a bit of a casual stroll in the windy warm April weather . These pictures were taken with my camera phone so they aren 't the best in the world . My car is to the left of the two trees in the center of this picture . This is about a third of the way around the 1 / 2 mile track . The first place I sat for a breather today . I met another heavy set man doing a few laps . His name is still a mystery but apparently " Most people just calls me Bear . " He was a nice enough guy but after that intro while seated on a park bench I felt a bit like a fat Forest Gump . As i got into my car and was about to drive away he passed by starting his second lap . I waved to him , he waved back and I was off . This is one of two Stoplights in our little town . Its on State Highway 13 almost on the edge of town . Its only there because of the Wal - mart off screen to the right in this picture . Wal - mart . . . also not closed on Sunday , though they do close early . This is Main Street and the only four way stop on the main drag . Some people want a stop light here but most of the locals " Just don 't see the need to ugly up the town with a bunch of stop lights and such . " . So where is a good place for an out of place Memphis boy , perhaps feeling a bit home sick , to go ? That 's right , a Confederate State Memorial Park . This is just outside of the city limits ( I think ) . Its quite lovely though and a great place to go to enjoy nature and or a nice picnic . I think I found myself a thoughtful spot ! There are four ponds in this park but I feel a peace and calm here . Once the trees bloom that one on the right provides nice shade to this bench as well . Sorry you can 't read the name sign on this shot but as I said my camera phone sucks . I 'll try to remember to bring my real camera next visit . Well that was my day wandering around my sleep little Sunday town of Higginsville . Where we have one bar , one barber shop , one hair salon , 2 stop lights , one movie theatre , and 16 churches . Yes 16 churches and that 's just inside the city limits . Yeah this here is the Bible Belt alright . * spits * Thanks for stopping by to read my blog . Take care of yourselves and have an awesome day ! + Wash , core , and dice apples ( I prefer skin on but you can peal if you like ) . Add the diced apples to the pan as you cut them so that they don 't start to brown . Stir after adding each half apple or so . + Cook over medium heat stirring occasionally for 10 - 20 minutes or so . You are looking for the liquid to reduce from a watery liquid to a thin syrup consistency . Crust and Pan preparation 1 cup of sugar + Preheat oven to 350 degrees F . Spray 13 " x 8 " baking dish with Pam cooking spray . Cut the stick of butter into chunks and put in the baking dish . Put baking dish into oven as it preheats to melt butter . Remove from oven once butter is fully melted . + Mix other ingredients in a mixing bowl until well combined and most lumps are gone . Pour crust batter into the baking dish . Then spoon in the apple compote . + Use your judgement here . If you can get all of the compote and liquid in the pan without filling it too full go ahead . There may be more than you need however so don 't over fill it and make a mess . ( Any extra can be refrigerated and used in oatmeal or on pancakes or frozen until you make cobbler again ) I hope you enjoyed this recipe . If you cook this I 'd love to hear what you thought . Thanks for stopping by and have an awesome day ! + Remove as much of the excess fat & skin as possible from each chicken thigh . lay them out upside down on the cooking rack assembly you 've prepared . Liberally coat with Seasonings , turn each piece over and coat the tops with Seasonings as well . + Put 2 to 3 tablespoons of margarine ( or butter ) in the pot you cooked the pasta in . Pour in the cheese sauce , Ro - tel , corn , & bell peppers . Stir and leave on a medium low heat . I hope you enjoyed this recipe . If you cook this I 'd love to hear what you thought . Thanks for stopping by and have an awesome day !
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Today I am 4dpo and 6 days past trigger . Already ! Can you believe that ? This cycle is flying by ! Buster and I did in fact decide to BD . So , we did " it " on CD8 , 9 and 11 . I ovulated on CD11 . I think that 's giving us a decent chance , right ? Especially with , I 'm assuming , 4 - 6 eggs . I had 8 mature follicles , but my E2 levels suggest that only 4 - 6 of those follicles actually contained eggs . I had progesterone supps leftover from last cycle , so I decided to use them . Today I called my RE office and spoke with a nurse . I asked her if she can call me in more progesterone , because I don 't have enough to last me my full LP . She said sure . A few minutes later , she calls me back to say that she looked over my RE 's notes from Sunday ( my last appointment ) and it specifically said , " No progesterone support . " So , she won 't call it in until she talks to him in the morning . Lame ! I don 't even really like the progesterone , and I 'm not convinced it did anything for me last cycle , but I like to give myself the best chance I can here ! Is there any reason I shouldn 't take the progesterone ? UPDATE : While I was drafting this post , I got a call from my RE office . I answered , and it was my RE . I get really crappy reception at work , so I tried to get outside as quickly as I could so we could have a useful conversation . Finally , I get outside . Here is how our conversation transpired : Me : Oh , I didn 't expect you to call . I spoke with the nurse earlier and asked her about taking my leftover progesterone from last cycle . I don 't have enough to get me through the luteal phase , so I was seeing if I could get a new prescription . He was SUCH a prick . Wtf is wrong with that guy ? ? I desperately wish there was another RE in my area , but unfortunately he 's the only game in town . If I do in fact get pregnant this cycle , I am not going back to him . I will be calling my OBGYN instead , who is super nice and never a prick . ____________________ Yesterday I went to my local dollar store to get some tests , as I am testing out my trigger this cycle . Last month it tricked me , and I don 't want that happening again ! So I go in , grab the five tests I need , plus some other things , and head up tot the cashier . She sees the five tests . She proceeds to say , loudly and in a southern accent : " What , you don 't believe it ? Or do you sell ' em ? " How about mind your own business , lady ? ! My good friend Sara made an excellent point . She said : " What is it about pregnancy tests that make people ask stupid questions ? Why do they have a fascination with knowing what you 're going to do with a stick that you pee on ? It 's like a cashier asking someone with incompetence issues what they were planning on doing with their diapers . Or buying toilet paper in bulk . . . do you really want to know ? ! I knew it was a possibility . I tried my best to push it out of my mind , though . I hoped that I 'd only have 3 - 4 mature follicles this morning . I had 8 mature follicles . And I 'm pretty sure my RE only counted mature as greater than 16mm . I had about 10 - 15 smaller follicles , and many of those were in the double digits of size . So he says that he will not go through with the IUI , that 8 eggs is just too many . He said I am now , again , at risk for OHSS , and that I need to monitor myself . Any signs of OHSS , and I should call the doctor or go to the emergency room . I have also been instructed to drink lots of gatorade . When Buster and I returned from the IUI , we found that Kelsey had ( once again ) destroyed my BBT thermometer . Ugh . This makes # 2 ( plus she had already gnawed on this one once , but I caught her mid - gnaw ) ! There couldn 't be a worse day to lose my thermometer . Of course I had to run out and get a new one . I need to confirm ovulation tomorrow ! : ) We have family in this weekend . My mom 's twin sister , her husband , their three adult children and their partners . My mom and aunt 's birthday is on Sunday . It is a weekend that will certainly be full of fun and shenanigans ! I answer , and it 's my RE . My estradiol level was around 950 , which was MUCH lower than he anticipated with me having all those eggs . That basically negates the chance of me getting OHSS . Yay ! We go in Sunday morning for the IUI . Number 5 . I am going to request that they scan me first , just so we know for sure what we are dealing with . I was preoccupied all night long because of this phone call ! We got home close to midnight , and I spent a good couple of hours researching online about the risk of multiples in a situation such as mine , and about selective reduction . I found one really informative study that basically said that my risk for high - order multiples & implantation would be much greater if my estradiol ( E2 ) levels were greater than 1000 . I also read some stats on a forum , and the ladies who got pregnant with high - order multiples had E2 levels well over 1500 ! I 'm nervous and excited and hopeful . Buster really wants to go through with the IUI . His reasoning is that if this one doesn 't work , we really know something is up and we should just start saving for IVF and stop wasting our time with IUIs . I think it 's a great point . I mean , this will give us our best shot at getting pregnant so far . I had talked myself into taking 40iu of Follistim on the evening of my last RE appointment . That was Wednesday . After going back and forth on what I wanted to do for several hours , I finally decided to just do it . So , I gathered up my Follistim from the fridge and got the bag o ' goodies ( Menopur + syringes + needles ) from the spare room . Head to the bathroom . First , I get out the stuff to mix up my Menopur . There are two vials you need , one is sodium chloride ( which I think is just a fancy name for salt water ) and the other is the drug , which is in a powder form in the vial . I get 1cc of liquid in my syringe , and inject it into the Menopur . I swirl it around a little so that all the medicine dissolves . Then I set it down and move to the Follistim . Follistim is administered through a " pen " they call it , which kind of looks like a chubby ball point pen . There is a dial on it , and you can set the dosage yourself . I set it to probably 40 ( it was on one of the dots between 25 and 50 ! ) . Because I 'm mixing with the Menopur , I actually just inject the Follistim into the vial of Menopur , instead of stabbing myself with the handy - dandy Follistim Pen . I put the needle point on the rubber topper , and inject it into the vial of Menopur . OR DID I ? After I inject myself with the Menopur , take the needle off the Follistim pen and throw it out , put the cap on the Follistim pen and put it away , I realize that I don 't recall which vial I injected the Follistim into : the leftover sodium chloride remaining in that vial , or the vial of the Menopur cocktail . I became incredibly flustered at this point . I couldn 't inject myself with more Follistim , because what if I already had ? ? So I just tossed the vial of sodium chloride and said to hell with it ! It 's too stressful messing with my meds . I didn 't realize until much later that I * could * have just went ahead and injected the sodium chloride anyway , since it was just water and wouldn 't hurt me ! But , I 'm an idiot , and in my flustered state did not think about it . Thursday I just did my normal dose of Menopur , no additional meddling with medicine ! As I was sitting in the waiting room , a smiling , happy couple came in with their beautiful little IVF baby to show off to everyone who works there . I know that they were most likely in my shoes at some point , and I am happy they had a baby . However . . . that is the absolute last place I want to be bombarded with tiny cute newborns ! It was like a slap in the face . I 'd have liked to give them a dagger so they could properly shank me . Anyway , I get called back and they take my estradiol levels . Fossil Fran was the one who took my blood , and we were talking about the weather outside ( which is cold and brisk , yet sunny ) . I told her the sun makes it bearable . She said " Yeah , I can handle anything as long as the sun is shining . " I thought that was a great quote . I < 3 FF ! So after that , I was feeling hopeful , and even thought I had a wonderful title for today 's blog post ! I head into the exam room and wait on the doctor and nurse parade to enter ( all the while hearing the IVF baby cry ouside the door ) . They finally show up , and I assume the position . As soon as the u / s wand enters me , my RE says something about me having a billion eggs . Ok . . . I think I like the sounds of that . My lining is at 10 . 6 , which I think is good ! Right ovary follicles : 17 . 6 , 17 . 3 , 16 , 14 . 6 , 14 , 13 . 6 , 12 , 12 , 11 . 5 , 8 , 8 , 7 , 6 Left ovary follicles : 16 . 3 , 14 , 12 . 6 , 11 , 9 . 4 , 8 . 6 , 8 . 5 , 8 , 7 . 5 So , a plethora of eggs . The veritable army of eggs line should have been used today , not Wednesday ! " Well , our options are . . . a ) Abort the cycle " He goes on to explain that I am at risk for multiple gestation and over stimulation . I start crying , but try to hide it . I spent an effload of money on meds and appointments , not to mention emotional investment ! " Aborting " ( could we have used a better term here , doc ? Like cancel ? ? ) the cycle is the last thing I want to do . " or b ) attempt to coast . " Coasting means basically not do anything for a couple days , and I will go back in on Sunday for another u / s . Then we will go from there and see what happens . He looked at me , waiting for me to say what I want to do . I told him , through a voice thick with the sound of choked back sobs , that I do NOT want to abort the cycle . He says , " Well , you don 't want to die trying to have a baby , do you ? " Well , Mr . Ray of Sunshine , not particularly . But I 'm dying a little more each day , regardless if I 'm having babies or not ! So in essence , I am dying while trying to have a baby . So , the plan for now is to coast , and hopefully by Sunday some of the smaller follies will have fizzled and the leading 4 will still be going strong . But if there are lots of eggs that day , I 'm assuming Dr . Cheerful will not want to go on with the IUI . DH and I would still BD though , because I 'm not wasting this cycle completely . Last night I had some EWCM . On CD6 . Weird , right ? I thought so . I still had some this morning when I woke up , so I guess it wasn 't a fluke . I also woke up feeling incredibly bloated . I chalked it up to my over - eating at Outback last night ( although honestly , I really didn 't eat that much . I just had some Bloomin ' Onion , which is not in my typical daily diet plan ! ) . So back to my appointment . There is a new resident / trainee / doctor - to - be this month . She is friendly , smiles , and speaks to me . She also has yet to yawn at my lady bits . So far , she 's a keeper ! She actually did my ultrasound last week , and then again today . She never can get the proper angle that my RE wants , so he always has to help her . Hence the first sentence of this post . So , a crapload of eggs . And I 'm only on CD7 ! It just seems . . . early ( ? ) to me to have this many decent - sized follicles . But I suppose that 's what happens when you are on 150iu of FSH and 75iu of LH . Here is my internal dilemma : 2 cycles ago , I was on Bravelle . I started out at 150iu , which is pretty similar to what I have been taking the past couple of days . I had a similar early u / s , with TONS of follicles . My RE cut my dose of Bravelle down by half , and I continued on with 75iu . I ended up with two mature follicles . Two is better than one , don 't get me wrong . But I 've been at this so long , and this is my 5th IUI . I told my doc I want 3 - 4 mature follicles , and he said that 's why we were doing the Follistim + Menopur . I 'm just afraid that if I stop the Follistim altogether , I will end up in the same boat as 2 cycles ago : 2 mature follicles , followed by a BFN . So . . . I 'm considering continuing to take * some * Follistim . Not the full dose , but maybe 25 or 50iu . Or somewhere in between . Has anyone ever done something like this ? I know the risks . I know it could lead to a canceled IUI cycle , or even OHSS . But , like I stated earlier , I wouldn 't be taking the full dosage . Any advice or thoughts would be greatly appreciated ! I would have updated earlier today , however for some reason my work has decided to block Blogger ! Talk about aggravating . Hulu , Facebook , Youtube , Craigslist , Ebay . . . all of those are allowed . Just no personal blogs or websites . I guess I 'll have to start watching TV at work instead of blogging ! I had an appointment with my RE on Friday morning . I went in thinking that I will demand him to make me more eggs , and to listen to me . Honestly , I 'm not really a demanding person . Ok , Buster would argue with that , but not when it comes to my health professionals . I don 't like when people tell me how to do my job , so I try to be courteous . Luckily , he agreed with me about 3 - 4 mature follicles . I am currently on Follistim 75miu + Menopur . I believe the Menopur is 75miu of FSH and 75miu ( ? mg ? Idk ! ) of LH . Yay for an extra hormone ! I had printed my Fertility Friend chart to bring in and show him my ridiculously low temps that started too early in my luteal phase . He brushed it off , saying you can 't really go by BBT . He also ( still ) insists that a LP longer than 11 days is normal . Mine was 12 this time ( where it had been 15 - 17 before the injectibles ) . That irritated me a bit , but oh well . I got the drugs I wanted , so I 'm happy . I go in Wednesday morning for an ultrasound . I fully expect to have lots of small follicles . I really hope he doesn 't really dumb down the dosage of meds though , as last time he did that I ended up with only two ! I went to PETCO today and got Kelsey some treats and toys . I typically don 't buy her stuffed animals because she loves unstuffing them , and it 's usually just not worth it . I bought her a rope / stuffed animal with squeakers today . In less than an hour , she had the thing ripped in half , stuffing and squeakers out ! I should have just given her six dollars to chew up . I called my RE 's office and made an appointment for tomorrow at 11 . I will be printing my FF chart to show my RE the super low temps . Also to show the short LP . Prior to using injectible meds , I had 15 - 17 day LPs . Every time . The past two cycles have been 11 and 12 days , respectively . That is unacceptable in my book . This cycle I was even on progesterone . The Weight Watchers program I was in is now over . It was 10 weeks long . I lost 9 . 5 lbs . I 'm ok with that . Obviously I 'd have liked to have lost more weight , but without exercising , I 'm happy with what I lost . I ordered a weighted hula - hoop off of Amazon . It came in the other day . I 'm going to try that bad boy out tonight ! I thought it might be fun to watch TV ( more like watch Buster play Call of Duty . . . ) while " hooping " . Kelsey will probably think it 's a toy , however , so we 'll see how it goes . Today was the day Fossil Fran said for me to test . I did , and it was a BFN . I 'm not surprised . Not really , anyway . I called Fossil Fran on my way to work this morning to inform her of the negative . I told her that my temps have been freakishly low , and asked if I should stop the progesterone so AF can show up . She said no , keep on the progesterone . I asked her if it can keep my period from coming , and she said yes , in some cases . So . . . why am I staying on it ? I actually didn 't take it this morning . I will go home at lunch and do one of my twice - daily insertions , but man . I was hoping to just be done with progesterone and allow AF to show up so I can move on . Yesterday , Buster and I decided that we are taking a break from the RE for a couple of months to pay off some bills . We still owe money on my LEEP surgery , which was back in August . We 've also accumulated some nice bills from the RE and from Walgreens Specialty Pharmacy . Yesterday I was ok with that idea . But , in the shower ( where I make most decisions ) , I decided that I 'd like to give it one more go . I want to ask beg demand force my RE to help me achieve 3 - 4 mature follies . 1 and 2 are not cutting it , not sure if he 's noticed . I certainly have . I also want to demand Follistim this time , as opposed to Bravelle . Just to switch it up . See what we get . You know . The old changearoo . Now , all I need to do is convince Buster to be ok with one more month of a crazy , super - hormonal wife . That may not be too easy . Perhaps I should ask him , mid - BJ ? He couldn 't possibly say no then , right ? ? ; ) After a 6 hour hold today on the same brand of test , I got a BFN . Actually , 2 BFNs . I 'm thinking it was all a fluke . Somehow I was still getting the trigger or something . Things are once again right in the universe . And now on to other news . Today I am 13dpt / 11dpiui / 10dpo ( how 's that for specifics ? ! ) . Fossil Fran told me to test on Wednesday , March 16 . So I tested on March 12 . I have the restraint of a toddler . So on the evening of 11dpt / 9dpiui / 8dpo , I got a nice line on a $ store test . I knew it could still be the trigger lingering . I tested again the next morning , still a line . Still could be the trigger . Tested again this morning , still a line . It does not appear to have gotten either lighter or darker , but it is definitely pink . I have also peed on an Equate , Answer and EPT . All were negative . I have no idea what is going on . The doctor in my head tells me that perhaps we have a fertilized egg bouncing around inside my ute . I 'm hoping it decides to implant today , and I can get some potentially darker lines starting tomorrow . But , who knows . Maybe it 's a never - ending trigger . Maybe someone in the lab at Ovidrel thought it would be hilarious to put 100 , 000miu of hCG instead of 10 , 000 in one package . . . ? Also , because never - changing lines aren 't confusing enough , my temperature the past two days has been bizarre , and that 's putting it mildly . Yesterday 's temp dipped below coverline . I was hoping it would recover today . Instead , it went down . Granted , I got a horrible night 's sleep . My thoughts were just racing . You can check out my chart here . I am 7dpo , and have had some " symptoms " . That is in quotes because , as many of you are well aware , the chances of them being actual symptoms are slim . On 5dpo I felt really nauseous , and my face broke out a bit . 6dpo I had some major heartburn and indigestion , not to mention I was INCREDIBLY irritable . I 'd love for these to be real symptoms . Only time will tell , though . I 'm also temping again , so if anyone wants to stalk my chart , feel free ! : ) I will be testing on 12dpo , which is this coming Wednesday . That 's when Fossil Fran told me to test . And I am putting my faith and fertility in those old , wrinkly hands ! _____________________ Yesterday when I got home from work , I was on a mission . I threw our blankets in the washer , unloaded the dishwasher , loaded it back up , washed all the " not safe for dishwasher " items by hand , chopped up veggies for chili and got it started on the stove . After that whirlwind of activity , I was ready to sit on the couch with some delicious V8 Fusion Light Strawberry Banana juice . I poured myself a tall glass over ice , and plopped down on the couch . Right after I sat down and started to take a drink , Kelsey jumped up on the couch . She knocked the glass ( which WAS glass , actually ! ) into my face and my lip got pinched between my teeth and the glass , and then it spilled all on my crotch . Well , I had pajama pants on that were kind of thin , so I immediately stripped them off and threw them in the hamper . While looking for a new pair , I notice that the inside of my thighs are all sticky from the juice . I lost it ! I started sobbing and crawled into bed in the fetal position and just cried . Yes , I realize how crazy that sounds . But all I wanted to do was relax and drink my damn juice ! Ok , I really sound like a toddler now . I had my very first acupuncture appointment on Wednesday . When I called to make the appointment , I told the acupuncturist that I struggle with infertility . She mentioned that she treats lots of ladies who have IF . She also recommended a detoxifying foot bath . Fine , ok . I 'll do the foot bath too . Whatever . So I go to the office on Wednesday . It was . . . weird . Just weird . The foot bath thing consisted of a tub full of hot water that I placed my feet in . Connected to the tub and in the water there was this electronic ionization device . It was connected to a box that had all kinds of buttons and controls on it . After my feet were in the water , she dumped in some powder and told me to keep my feet still . Apparently it pulls out toxins in your body via your feet . Ok , weird . The water turned all brown and reddish and gross looking . The girl beside me , her water was greenish black . Apparently the color tells you where in your body the toxins are coming from . Mine came from my liver and kidneys and my female prostrate . Awesome . It was $ 40 . Finally I get called back for the actual thing I went there for . We go back into the room , and we sit down . The acupuncturist asks me some questions , such as how long I 've been TTC , and where I am in my current cycle . I request that she does something to help with implantation , as I was 5dpo that day . So , she sticks four needles in my bells , one each on my feet , one in between my eyebrows , another on the top of my head and one each on my ears . She then said that after reviewing the paperwork I filled out , she would recommend me taking a probiotic ( acidophilus ) . " Ok , " I say . Then she leaves me for 30 minutes . When I 'm all done , I go out to make my next appointment and to pay . She had set out some acidophilus for me . The tell me the cost , and I seriously almost shat myself . $ 155 . Not including tip . W . T . F . I knew that the initial acupuncture appointment is $ 85 , and that the foot bath thing was $ 30 . The freaking acidophilus was $ 40 ! ! ! ! ! ! I was too embarrassed to complain , so I just paid and left . I gave her a $ 20 tip , which who knows if that is even acceptable . She didn 't do the foot bath , the assistant did . I 'm not tipping her for the damn pills , that 's for sure ! Ugh . I left there feeling like I had just been completely swindled . But . . . with that being said , I think I will keep my appointment for next week . It will only be $ 60 , and I will not be doing the foot bath again ( which I feel was a crock , anyway ) . As I was waiting to be called back , I talked to the really sweet girl at the front desk . I mentioned the Oaf to her , and how he yawned at my lady parts . Also how he had unfortunate aim with the dildo wand . She got a big kick out of that . I mentioned that I think it might have been the first time he 'd seen a vagina , and she said that he has a wife and two kids . I 'm convinced those children are adopted . She said that he is no longer there , as February is over ( I guess the residents are there a month . . . ? ) . So , that 's a relief ! First good news of the day : no mo ' Oaf . I get called back and head into my home - away - from - home , AKA exam room 3 . I strip down and hop up on the table and patiently await the arrival of the doc . I realize I forgot my cell phone in my purse , which I was planning on taking up on the bed with me so I could time that whole " Lay here for ten minutes " part ( I 'm apparently a really bad judge of how much time has passed ) . I really wanted to get up and get my phone , but I couldn 't get the thought out of my head that while I was halfway there , the door would open and my bare ass would be on display for the train of doctors , nurses , residents , etc . who entered . So , to avoid that risk , I just stayed seated . Fossil Fran enters . That 's it . Just Fossil Fran . She has the sperm vial , so I 'm assuming she is going to do my IUI . Initially I was a little disappointed . Shouldn 't my RE be doing this procedure ? ? My disappointment quickly diminished , however . Fran spent a good bit of time talking to me about Buster 's sperm . His post - wash count was 31 million with almost 90 % motility , and was grade 4 ( which she said is the highest grade of sperm ) . They had never told me the grade before , so that was interesting . I mentioned to her that we are on a steady decline of sperm , and that I was slightly disheartened by that number . Back in January we had 112 million post - wash , and last cycle it was 69 million post - wash . I really need to get Buster on a multivitamin . Anyway , she said to not be discouraged because it was a great number . Ok , fine Fran ! I will not be discouraged . I then asked her why we never do an ultrasound on the day of IUI . She replied that she always does one on the day of IUI . Hello ! Fran ! Where have you been my whole life ? ! Fran does the IUI , then makes me put my feet up on the table and my knees in the air . She has me lift up my butt and she tilts the table so that " the sperm can swim downhill " ( her words ! ) . She told me to lay there for 15 minutes and then she 'd be back to do the ultrasound . My RE never does any of this ! I just lay on the stupid table with the sperm battling uphill and he has never said anything of it ! So after my nice power - nap , Fran comes back in . When my ute pops up on the ultrasound screen , Fran says , " See all those little sparkles ? Those are the sperm . " O . M . G ! It was beyond amazing to see the sperm . They weren 't actually sparkling , although how awesome would that have been ? It was just a clump of white stuff on the black screen . They were right up by my tube ! Where they were supposed to be ! What smart little guys . I 'm so proud ! Then , we take a look at my follies . I had a 24mm and a 19mm . Hopefully there are eggs in both and my chances are that much more increased . Fran believes they will both release . She also mentioned that my cervical mucus looked great . I start progesterone suppositories on Saturday , one in the morning and one at night . She said for me to take an HPT 13 days from today , and if it 's positive call them right away . She also said to have " intercourse " last night and today . Yes ma ' am ! After the IUI , I get back to work and see a missed call from my boss . I call him back , and he tells me I 'm getting a $ 2 / hour raise . At this point I 'm really on cloud 9 . As you all know , I was hoping for 3 or 4 mature follicles . Instead I have one . Maybe two . I 'm pretty devastated . I make one egg on my own , without all the extra expense . I 'm just disheartened and jaded and pissed and sad . I have a 19 . 3mm and a 15mm . Who knows if the 15 will actually rupture . I asked my doc and he said he didn 't know , but that it wasn 't the good one anyway . I trigger tonight and go in on Thursday morning for the IUI . I will start progesterone on Saturday . I already feel out and I 'm not even in the TWW yet .
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Today I am 4dpo and 6 days past trigger . Already ! Can you believe that ? This cycle is flying by ! Buster and I did in fact decide to BD . So , we did " it " on CD8 , 9 and 11 . I ovulated on CD11 . I think that 's giving us a decent chance , right ? Especially with , I 'm assuming , 4 - 6 eggs . I had 8 mature follicles , but my E2 levels suggest that only 4 - 6 of those follicles actually contained eggs . I had progesterone supps leftover from last cycle , so I decided to use them . Today I called my RE office and spoke with a nurse . I asked her if she can call me in more progesterone , because I don 't have enough to last me my full LP . She said sure . A few minutes later , she calls me back to say that she looked over my RE 's notes from Sunday ( my last appointment ) and it specifically said , " No progesterone support . " So , she won 't call it in until she talks to him in the morning . Lame ! I don 't even really like the progesterone , and I 'm not convinced it did anything for me last cycle , but I like to give myself the best chance I can here ! Is there any reason I shouldn 't take the progesterone ? UPDATE : While I was drafting this post , I got a call from my RE office . I answered , and it was my RE . I get really crappy reception at work , so I tried to get outside as quickly as I could so we could have a useful conversation . Finally , I get outside . Here is how our conversation transpired : Me : Oh , I didn 't expect you to call . I spoke with the nurse earlier and asked her about taking my leftover progesterone from last cycle . I don 't have enough to get me through the luteal phase , so I was seeing if I could get a new prescription . He was SUCH a prick . Wtf is wrong with that guy ? ? I desperately wish there was another RE in my area , but unfortunately he 's the only game in town . If I do in fact get pregnant this cycle , I am not going back to him . I will be calling my OBGYN instead , who is super nice and never a prick . ____________________ Yesterday I went to my local dollar store to get some tests , as I am testing out my trigger this cycle . Last month it tricked me , and I don 't want that happening again ! So I go in , grab the five tests I need , plus some other things , and head up tot the cashier . She sees the five tests . She proceeds to say , loudly and in a southern accent : " What , you don 't believe it ? Or do you sell ' em ? " How about mind your own business , lady ? ! My good friend Sara made an excellent point . She said : " What is it about pregnancy tests that make people ask stupid questions ? Why do they have a fascination with knowing what you 're going to do with a stick that you pee on ? It 's like a cashier asking someone with incompetence issues what they were planning on doing with their diapers . Or buying toilet paper in bulk . . . do you really want to know ? ! I knew it was a possibility . I tried my best to push it out of my mind , though . I hoped that I 'd only have 3 - 4 mature follicles this morning . I had 8 mature follicles . And I 'm pretty sure my RE only counted mature as greater than 16mm . I had about 10 - 15 smaller follicles , and many of those were in the double digits of size . So he says that he will not go through with the IUI , that 8 eggs is just too many . He said I am now , again , at risk for OHSS , and that I need to monitor myself . Any signs of OHSS , and I should call the doctor or go to the emergency room . I have also been instructed to drink lots of gatorade . When Buster and I returned from the IUI , we found that Kelsey had ( once again ) destroyed my BBT thermometer . Ugh . This makes # 2 ( plus she had already gnawed on this one once , but I caught her mid - gnaw ) ! There couldn 't be a worse day to lose my thermometer . Of course I had to run out and get a new one . I need to confirm ovulation tomorrow ! : ) We have family in this weekend . My mom 's twin sister , her husband , their three adult children and their partners . My mom and aunt 's birthday is on Sunday . It is a weekend that will certainly be full of fun and shenanigans ! I answer , and it 's my RE . My estradiol level was around 950 , which was MUCH lower than he anticipated with me having all those eggs . That basically negates the chance of me getting OHSS . Yay ! We go in Sunday morning for the IUI . Number 5 . I am going to request that they scan me first , just so we know for sure what we are dealing with . I was preoccupied all night long because of this phone call ! We got home close to midnight , and I spent a good couple of hours researching online about the risk of multiples in a situation such as mine , and about selective reduction . I found one really informative study that basically said that my risk for high - order multiples & implantation would be much greater if my estradiol ( E2 ) levels were greater than 1000 . I also read some stats on a forum , and the ladies who got pregnant with high - order multiples had E2 levels well over 1500 ! I 'm nervous and excited and hopeful . Buster really wants to go through with the IUI . His reasoning is that if this one doesn 't work , we really know something is up and we should just start saving for IVF and stop wasting our time with IUIs . I think it 's a great point . I mean , this will give us our best shot at getting pregnant so far . I had talked myself into taking 40iu of Follistim on the evening of my last RE appointment . That was Wednesday . After going back and forth on what I wanted to do for several hours , I finally decided to just do it . So , I gathered up my Follistim from the fridge and got the bag o ' goodies ( Menopur + syringes + needles ) from the spare room . Head to the bathroom . First , I get out the stuff to mix up my Menopur . There are two vials you need , one is sodium chloride ( which I think is just a fancy name for salt water ) and the other is the drug , which is in a powder form in the vial . I get 1cc of liquid in my syringe , and inject it into the Menopur . I swirl it around a little so that all the medicine dissolves . Then I set it down and move to the Follistim . Follistim is administered through a " pen " they call it , which kind of looks like a chubby ball point pen . There is a dial on it , and you can set the dosage yourself . I set it to probably 40 ( it was on one of the dots between 25 and 50 ! ) . Because I 'm mixing with the Menopur , I actually just inject the Follistim into the vial of Menopur , instead of stabbing myself with the handy - dandy Follistim Pen . I put the needle point on the rubber topper , and inject it into the vial of Menopur . OR DID I ? After I inject myself with the Menopur , take the needle off the Follistim pen and throw it out , put the cap on the Follistim pen and put it away , I realize that I don 't recall which vial I injected the Follistim into : the leftover sodium chloride remaining in that vial , or the vial of the Menopur cocktail . I became incredibly flustered at this point . I couldn 't inject myself with more Follistim , because what if I already had ? ? So I just tossed the vial of sodium chloride and said to hell with it ! It 's too stressful messing with my meds . I didn 't realize until much later that I * could * have just went ahead and injected the sodium chloride anyway , since it was just water and wouldn 't hurt me ! But , I 'm an idiot , and in my flustered state did not think about it . Thursday I just did my normal dose of Menopur , no additional meddling with medicine ! As I was sitting in the waiting room , a smiling , happy couple came in with their beautiful little IVF baby to show off to everyone who works there . I know that they were most likely in my shoes at some point , and I am happy they had a baby . However . . . that is the absolute last place I want to be bombarded with tiny cute newborns ! It was like a slap in the face . I 'd have liked to give them a dagger so they could properly shank me . Anyway , I get called back and they take my estradiol levels . Fossil Fran was the one who took my blood , and we were talking about the weather outside ( which is cold and brisk , yet sunny ) . I told her the sun makes it bearable . She said " Yeah , I can handle anything as long as the sun is shining . " I thought that was a great quote . I < 3 FF ! So after that , I was feeling hopeful , and even thought I had a wonderful title for today 's blog post ! I head into the exam room and wait on the doctor and nurse parade to enter ( all the while hearing the IVF baby cry ouside the door ) . They finally show up , and I assume the position . As soon as the u / s wand enters me , my RE says something about me having a billion eggs . Ok . . . I think I like the sounds of that . My lining is at 10 . 6 , which I think is good ! Right ovary follicles : 17 . 6 , 17 . 3 , 16 , 14 . 6 , 14 , 13 . 6 , 12 , 12 , 11 . 5 , 8 , 8 , 7 , 6 Left ovary follicles : 16 . 3 , 14 , 12 . 6 , 11 , 9 . 4 , 8 . 6 , 8 . 5 , 8 , 7 . 5 So , a plethora of eggs . The veritable army of eggs line should have been used today , not Wednesday ! " Well , our options are . . . a ) Abort the cycle " He goes on to explain that I am at risk for multiple gestation and over stimulation . I start crying , but try to hide it . I spent an effload of money on meds and appointments , not to mention emotional investment ! " Aborting " ( could we have used a better term here , doc ? Like cancel ? ? ) the cycle is the last thing I want to do . " or b ) attempt to coast . " Coasting means basically not do anything for a couple days , and I will go back in on Sunday for another u / s . Then we will go from there and see what happens . He looked at me , waiting for me to say what I want to do . I told him , through a voice thick with the sound of choked back sobs , that I do NOT want to abort the cycle . He says , " Well , you don 't want to die trying to have a baby , do you ? " Well , Mr . Ray of Sunshine , not particularly . But I 'm dying a little more each day , regardless if I 'm having babies or not ! So in essence , I am dying while trying to have a baby . So , the plan for now is to coast , and hopefully by Sunday some of the smaller follies will have fizzled and the leading 4 will still be going strong . But if there are lots of eggs that day , I 'm assuming Dr . Cheerful will not want to go on with the IUI . DH and I would still BD though , because I 'm not wasting this cycle completely . Last night I had some EWCM . On CD6 . Weird , right ? I thought so . I still had some this morning when I woke up , so I guess it wasn 't a fluke . I also woke up feeling incredibly bloated . I chalked it up to my over - eating at Outback last night ( although honestly , I really didn 't eat that much . I just had some Bloomin ' Onion , which is not in my typical daily diet plan ! ) . So back to my appointment . There is a new resident / trainee / doctor - to - be this month . She is friendly , smiles , and speaks to me . She also has yet to yawn at my lady bits . So far , she 's a keeper ! She actually did my ultrasound last week , and then again today . She never can get the proper angle that my RE wants , so he always has to help her . Hence the first sentence of this post . So , a crapload of eggs . And I 'm only on CD7 ! It just seems . . . early ( ? ) to me to have this many decent - sized follicles . But I suppose that 's what happens when you are on 150iu of FSH and 75iu of LH . Here is my internal dilemma : 2 cycles ago , I was on Bravelle . I started out at 150iu , which is pretty similar to what I have been taking the past couple of days . I had a similar early u / s , with TONS of follicles . My RE cut my dose of Bravelle down by half , and I continued on with 75iu . I ended up with two mature follicles . Two is better than one , don 't get me wrong . But I 've been at this so long , and this is my 5th IUI . I told my doc I want 3 - 4 mature follicles , and he said that 's why we were doing the Follistim + Menopur . I 'm just afraid that if I stop the Follistim altogether , I will end up in the same boat as 2 cycles ago : 2 mature follicles , followed by a BFN . So . . . I 'm considering continuing to take * some * Follistim . Not the full dose , but maybe 25 or 50iu . Or somewhere in between . Has anyone ever done something like this ? I know the risks . I know it could lead to a canceled IUI cycle , or even OHSS . But , like I stated earlier , I wouldn 't be taking the full dosage . Any advice or thoughts would be greatly appreciated ! I would have updated earlier today , however for some reason my work has decided to block Blogger ! Talk about aggravating . Hulu , Facebook , Youtube , Craigslist , Ebay . . . all of those are allowed . Just no personal blogs or websites . I guess I 'll have to start watching TV at work instead of blogging ! I had an appointment with my RE on Friday morning . I went in thinking that I will demand him to make me more eggs , and to listen to me . Honestly , I 'm not really a demanding person . Ok , Buster would argue with that , but not when it comes to my health professionals . I don 't like when people tell me how to do my job , so I try to be courteous . Luckily , he agreed with me about 3 - 4 mature follicles . I am currently on Follistim 75miu + Menopur . I believe the Menopur is 75miu of FSH and 75miu ( ? mg ? Idk ! ) of LH . Yay for an extra hormone ! I had printed my Fertility Friend chart to bring in and show him my ridiculously low temps that started too early in my luteal phase . He brushed it off , saying you can 't really go by BBT . He also ( still ) insists that a LP longer than 11 days is normal . Mine was 12 this time ( where it had been 15 - 17 before the injectibles ) . That irritated me a bit , but oh well . I got the drugs I wanted , so I 'm happy . I go in Wednesday morning for an ultrasound . I fully expect to have lots of small follicles . I really hope he doesn 't really dumb down the dosage of meds though , as last time he did that I ended up with only two ! I went to PETCO today and got Kelsey some treats and toys . I typically don 't buy her stuffed animals because she loves unstuffing them , and it 's usually just not worth it . I bought her a rope / stuffed animal with squeakers today . In less than an hour , she had the thing ripped in half , stuffing and squeakers out ! I should have just given her six dollars to chew up . I called my RE 's office and made an appointment for tomorrow at 11 . I will be printing my FF chart to show my RE the super low temps . Also to show the short LP . Prior to using injectible meds , I had 15 - 17 day LPs . Every time . The past two cycles have been 11 and 12 days , respectively . That is unacceptable in my book . This cycle I was even on progesterone . The Weight Watchers program I was in is now over . It was 10 weeks long . I lost 9 . 5 lbs . I 'm ok with that . Obviously I 'd have liked to have lost more weight , but without exercising , I 'm happy with what I lost . I ordered a weighted hula - hoop off of Amazon . It came in the other day . I 'm going to try that bad boy out tonight ! I thought it might be fun to watch TV ( more like watch Buster play Call of Duty . . . ) while " hooping " . Kelsey will probably think it 's a toy , however , so we 'll see how it goes . Today was the day Fossil Fran said for me to test . I did , and it was a BFN . I 'm not surprised . Not really , anyway . I called Fossil Fran on my way to work this morning to inform her of the negative . I told her that my temps have been freakishly low , and asked if I should stop the progesterone so AF can show up . She said no , keep on the progesterone . I asked her if it can keep my period from coming , and she said yes , in some cases . So . . . why am I staying on it ? I actually didn 't take it this morning . I will go home at lunch and do one of my twice - daily insertions , but man . I was hoping to just be done with progesterone and allow AF to show up so I can move on . Yesterday , Buster and I decided that we are taking a break from the RE for a couple of months to pay off some bills . We still owe money on my LEEP surgery , which was back in August . We 've also accumulated some nice bills from the RE and from Walgreens Specialty Pharmacy . Yesterday I was ok with that idea . But , in the shower ( where I make most decisions ) , I decided that I 'd like to give it one more go . I want to ask beg demand force my RE to help me achieve 3 - 4 mature follies . 1 and 2 are not cutting it , not sure if he 's noticed . I certainly have . I also want to demand Follistim this time , as opposed to Bravelle . Just to switch it up . See what we get . You know . The old changearoo . Now , all I need to do is convince Buster to be ok with one more month of a crazy , super - hormonal wife . That may not be too easy . Perhaps I should ask him , mid - BJ ? He couldn 't possibly say no then , right ? ? ; ) After a 6 hour hold today on the same brand of test , I got a BFN . Actually , 2 BFNs . I 'm thinking it was all a fluke . Somehow I was still getting the trigger or something . Things are once again right in the universe . And now on to other news . Today I am 13dpt / 11dpiui / 10dpo ( how 's that for specifics ? ! ) . Fossil Fran told me to test on Wednesday , March 16 . So I tested on March 12 . I have the restraint of a toddler . So on the evening of 11dpt / 9dpiui / 8dpo , I got a nice line on a $ store test . I knew it could still be the trigger lingering . I tested again the next morning , still a line . Still could be the trigger . Tested again this morning , still a line . It does not appear to have gotten either lighter or darker , but it is definitely pink . I have also peed on an Equate , Answer and EPT . All were negative . I have no idea what is going on . The doctor in my head tells me that perhaps we have a fertilized egg bouncing around inside my ute . I 'm hoping it decides to implant today , and I can get some potentially darker lines starting tomorrow . But , who knows . Maybe it 's a never - ending trigger . Maybe someone in the lab at Ovidrel thought it would be hilarious to put 100 , 000miu of hCG instead of 10 , 000 in one package . . . ? Also , because never - changing lines aren 't confusing enough , my temperature the past two days has been bizarre , and that 's putting it mildly . Yesterday 's temp dipped below coverline . I was hoping it would recover today . Instead , it went down . Granted , I got a horrible night 's sleep . My thoughts were just racing . You can check out my chart here . I am 7dpo , and have had some " symptoms " . That is in quotes because , as many of you are well aware , the chances of them being actual symptoms are slim . On 5dpo I felt really nauseous , and my face broke out a bit . 6dpo I had some major heartburn and indigestion , not to mention I was INCREDIBLY irritable . I 'd love for these to be real symptoms . Only time will tell , though . I 'm also temping again , so if anyone wants to stalk my chart , feel free ! : ) I will be testing on 12dpo , which is this coming Wednesday . That 's when Fossil Fran told me to test . And I am putting my faith and fertility in those old , wrinkly hands ! _____________________ Yesterday when I got home from work , I was on a mission . I threw our blankets in the washer , unloaded the dishwasher , loaded it back up , washed all the " not safe for dishwasher " items by hand , chopped up veggies for chili and got it started on the stove . After that whirlwind of activity , I was ready to sit on the couch with some delicious V8 Fusion Light Strawberry Banana juice . I poured myself a tall glass over ice , and plopped down on the couch . Right after I sat down and started to take a drink , Kelsey jumped up on the couch . She knocked the glass ( which WAS glass , actually ! ) into my face and my lip got pinched between my teeth and the glass , and then it spilled all on my crotch . Well , I had pajama pants on that were kind of thin , so I immediately stripped them off and threw them in the hamper . While looking for a new pair , I notice that the inside of my thighs are all sticky from the juice . I lost it ! I started sobbing and crawled into bed in the fetal position and just cried . Yes , I realize how crazy that sounds . But all I wanted to do was relax and drink my damn juice ! Ok , I really sound like a toddler now . I had my very first acupuncture appointment on Wednesday . When I called to make the appointment , I told the acupuncturist that I struggle with infertility . She mentioned that she treats lots of ladies who have IF . She also recommended a detoxifying foot bath . Fine , ok . I 'll do the foot bath too . Whatever . So I go to the office on Wednesday . It was . . . weird . Just weird . The foot bath thing consisted of a tub full of hot water that I placed my feet in . Connected to the tub and in the water there was this electronic ionization device . It was connected to a box that had all kinds of buttons and controls on it . After my feet were in the water , she dumped in some powder and told me to keep my feet still . Apparently it pulls out toxins in your body via your feet . Ok , weird . The water turned all brown and reddish and gross looking . The girl beside me , her water was greenish black . Apparently the color tells you where in your body the toxins are coming from . Mine came from my liver and kidneys and my female prostrate . Awesome . It was $ 40 . Finally I get called back for the actual thing I went there for . We go back into the room , and we sit down . The acupuncturist asks me some questions , such as how long I 've been TTC , and where I am in my current cycle . I request that she does something to help with implantation , as I was 5dpo that day . So , she sticks four needles in my bells , one each on my feet , one in between my eyebrows , another on the top of my head and one each on my ears . She then said that after reviewing the paperwork I filled out , she would recommend me taking a probiotic ( acidophilus ) . " Ok , " I say . Then she leaves me for 30 minutes . When I 'm all done , I go out to make my next appointment and to pay . She had set out some acidophilus for me . The tell me the cost , and I seriously almost shat myself . $ 155 . Not including tip . W . T . F . I knew that the initial acupuncture appointment is $ 85 , and that the foot bath thing was $ 30 . The freaking acidophilus was $ 40 ! ! ! ! ! ! I was too embarrassed to complain , so I just paid and left . I gave her a $ 20 tip , which who knows if that is even acceptable . She didn 't do the foot bath , the assistant did . I 'm not tipping her for the damn pills , that 's for sure ! Ugh . I left there feeling like I had just been completely swindled . But . . . with that being said , I think I will keep my appointment for next week . It will only be $ 60 , and I will not be doing the foot bath again ( which I feel was a crock , anyway ) . As I was waiting to be called back , I talked to the really sweet girl at the front desk . I mentioned the Oaf to her , and how he yawned at my lady parts . Also how he had unfortunate aim with the dildo wand . She got a big kick out of that . I mentioned that I think it might have been the first time he 'd seen a vagina , and she said that he has a wife and two kids . I 'm convinced those children are adopted . She said that he is no longer there , as February is over ( I guess the residents are there a month . . . ? ) . So , that 's a relief ! First good news of the day : no mo ' Oaf . I get called back and head into my home - away - from - home , AKA exam room 3 . I strip down and hop up on the table and patiently await the arrival of the doc . I realize I forgot my cell phone in my purse , which I was planning on taking up on the bed with me so I could time that whole " Lay here for ten minutes " part ( I 'm apparently a really bad judge of how much time has passed ) . I really wanted to get up and get my phone , but I couldn 't get the thought out of my head that while I was halfway there , the door would open and my bare ass would be on display for the train of doctors , nurses , residents , etc . who entered . So , to avoid that risk , I just stayed seated . Fossil Fran enters . That 's it . Just Fossil Fran . She has the sperm vial , so I 'm assuming she is going to do my IUI . Initially I was a little disappointed . Shouldn 't my RE be doing this procedure ? ? My disappointment quickly diminished , however . Fran spent a good bit of time talking to me about Buster 's sperm . His post - wash count was 31 million with almost 90 % motility , and was grade 4 ( which she said is the highest grade of sperm ) . They had never told me the grade before , so that was interesting . I mentioned to her that we are on a steady decline of sperm , and that I was slightly disheartened by that number . Back in January we had 112 million post - wash , and last cycle it was 69 million post - wash . I really need to get Buster on a multivitamin . Anyway , she said to not be discouraged because it was a great number . Ok , fine Fran ! I will not be discouraged . I then asked her why we never do an ultrasound on the day of IUI . She replied that she always does one on the day of IUI . Hello ! Fran ! Where have you been my whole life ? ! Fran does the IUI , then makes me put my feet up on the table and my knees in the air . She has me lift up my butt and she tilts the table so that " the sperm can swim downhill " ( her words ! ) . She told me to lay there for 15 minutes and then she 'd be back to do the ultrasound . My RE never does any of this ! I just lay on the stupid table with the sperm battling uphill and he has never said anything of it ! So after my nice power - nap , Fran comes back in . When my ute pops up on the ultrasound screen , Fran says , " See all those little sparkles ? Those are the sperm . " O . M . G ! It was beyond amazing to see the sperm . They weren 't actually sparkling , although how awesome would that have been ? It was just a clump of white stuff on the black screen . They were right up by my tube ! Where they were supposed to be ! What smart little guys . I 'm so proud ! Then , we take a look at my follies . I had a 24mm and a 19mm . Hopefully there are eggs in both and my chances are that much more increased . Fran believes they will both release . She also mentioned that my cervical mucus looked great . I start progesterone suppositories on Saturday , one in the morning and one at night . She said for me to take an HPT 13 days from today , and if it 's positive call them right away . She also said to have " intercourse " last night and today . Yes ma ' am ! After the IUI , I get back to work and see a missed call from my boss . I call him back , and he tells me I 'm getting a $ 2 / hour raise . At this point I 'm really on cloud 9 . As you all know , I was hoping for 3 or 4 mature follicles . Instead I have one . Maybe two . I 'm pretty devastated . I make one egg on my own , without all the extra expense . I 'm just disheartened and jaded and pissed and sad . I have a 19 . 3mm and a 15mm . Who knows if the 15 will actually rupture . I asked my doc and he said he didn 't know , but that it wasn 't the good one anyway . I trigger tonight and go in on Thursday morning for the IUI . I will start progesterone on Saturday . I already feel out and I 'm not even in the TWW yet .
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It 's only 7 p . m . and I 'm picking out my pajamas in my head and aching to be horizontal right about now ! I just need a little peace and quiet . It 's human ! It happens all the time to us moms . I mean , these are ordinarily the things I loooooove doing . I love solving their problems or making them a sweet treat . Just meeting their needs is so fulfilling - until it 's not . Until the Mom Monster shows up , making me want to run away and hide and pull my hair out from fatigue or exasperation . I 'll admit it , because I know you relate ! I wanted to hide . I wanted to sleep . I just wanted a break in that moment ! How about a little privacy ? ! Is anything that you need in this moment so important that you all have to follow me into the bathroom ? Really ? ! I know I 'm the matriarch , the nurturer but … come on ? Does any of this sound familiar ? I mean please moms , tell me about those moments that make you snap ! I need a good , good laugh right about now . I need to laugh at how tired I am at being on call 24 / 7 . I remember when I was about 8 years old , I walked in on my mother , who was in the bathroom . She was sitting on the pot and when I carelessly came in asking her to do something for me , she just looked up at me with such exasperation and said , " Lis , I love you but the time has come . I am going to lock the door in the future while I 'm in the bathroom . I 'm here for you , don 't worry . But I have to have some PRIVACY . Okay ? Now , please leave the bathroom and don 't ever come in again while I 'm going number two . Okay ? Okay . Enough said . " Her strained tone made absolutely no sense to me at the time , of course . Little did I know that my time was coming . Where not even going to the bathroom would be mine and mine alone . How familiar it all is now . Oh , how I need a moment of peace , ladies . Tonight I am going to go to bed at 8 : 30 p . m . at the latest . I absolutely cannot , will not , refuse to be all things to all people past that hour . It 's kind of like the bathroom scenario . I mean , seriously moms , don 't you feel like you have to be sleeping or taking a shower to get a moment to yourself ? ! And even then , they still come a knockin ' , right ? The last thing in the world that you want to be is a sourpuss or making your loved ones feel like you resent taking care of them because that is sooooo simply not true . But there does come a time when you just need to hide under the sheets and get an early sojourn in . Or let 's just say , to be real honest , there comes a time when you just want to say , " Do it yourselves ! Leave me alone ! Where is my Mommy ? " Like I said , I 'm having a Mom Meltdown ! I 'm claiming my moment of freedom between the sheets tonight . As sexy as that sounds , I 'm doing it all by myself ! I 'm just going to go to bed where no one can get me , ask of me , demand of me or cry , yell , pull or pinch or pout at me . I 'm pooped . I need to recharge my batteries . The other day I was with a mom friend who was literally about to pull her hair out . Running her business , being a wife , a mother , a dog owner and a friend . She said to me , " I 'm out of here . I 'm just going away for the weekend . Somewhere . Anywhere . That 's it , tootles ! You all can manage for a few days without me … because Mom is out of here ! Mom is checking out ! " I thought , ' Yes , that 's exactly what I need . ' Just two days of rest . Somewhere . Anywhere . Between the sheets with my books and magazines . A good long swim in a pool or ocean where I don 't have my eyes watching out for the safety of others . Perhaps a meal or two that I don 't gobble down like a homeless animal because I 've got bathtime and bedtime before me . Not to mention I 'd like to clean the kitchen , do the dishes and straighten up the house that a whirlwind has passed through before another day is upon us . Oh , and then the work ? When does one do that ? Yes , when do we moms get any work done at home ? Or how about reading a book ? Do any of you read a book before you fall asleep ? Maybe a page or two ? Not like the old days when you could read a good 50 pages in one sitting . Nope , once you lie down in your bed and feel all warm and cozy … game over . Let me be clear . I 'm not complaining for the sake of complaining . I 'm complaining with a pure purpose to support all you super moms who are darn tired ! Who need a little sleep , TLC and gasp ! Should I say it ? Time alone , perhaps ? We do it all , right ? Not that we don 't get a little help from the heathens . But mostly it is in our hands , correct ? And do we get a big congratulations every day after we 've run our mini - marathon ? Not really . Maybe a hug from a sweet little one telling us , " I love you Mom . " And most of the time that is all we need to feel like it 's worth it . All the tiring days that lead into nights where you 'd like to do a little something for yourself , but can 't seem to muster up the energy . Oddly , your night 's sleep is your big reward for living a full day and for giving beyond your expectations . That 's cool . We chose this life - mommy life . I bring all this up , not because I need you to tell me I 'm a good mom , a good partner or even a good dog owner / person . I bring this up so that we can recognize how human it is to feel spent , like you 've given all you can and to be at your wit 's end . It is so natural . And so I say , moms , take some time for yourselves ! Please do it ! I have to do it before my head explodes and starts spinning uncontrollably like something out of The Exorcist . You have to do it . I have to do it . Even people without kids have to take some time to be quiet , heal and rest where no one requires anything from you and you don 't have to feel the pressure of meeting people 's needs . But just remember that the Meltdown Mom will return . Oh , yes she 'll be back ; that tired female creature who manages to do everything with a smile , endless amounts of patience and the ease of foregoing her simplest needs like peeing in private , for instance . We who wear last decade 's fashions while we make sure the little ones have new sneakers for school . But just a word of advice here in our mom club that we 've built here together . Don 't forget to take a little time for yourselves along the way . Even if it 's as simple as going to bed at dusk with the babes . I feel better already just thinking about it ! Tonight is my night ! I love you ladies , tell me that you 're taking care of yourselves too ! That after you are all things to all people , that you give a little bit back to yourself . Without you they 'd be lost , that 's for sure . But they can all manage for a night while you indulge in a little alone time . on August 25th , 2011 The last time I had a " Mom - Meltdown " , I grabbed a piece of chocolate cake , a glass of red wine , the phone and hid in the bathroom for an hour . My neighbor called me and when I told her what I was doing , she got really quiet and told me she would call me back . She did call me back , after she spent an hour in the bathroom , with cookies and a diet coke . Hey , we all need the break ! ! on August 25th , 2011 I don 't even have kids , but I love reading these blogs ! I salute and respect all moms , whether they work outside the home or stay at home . It is a hard job . I have two cats and a full - time job and I still complain sometimes but then I remind myself that most women also have kids and a husband to take care of ! on August 25th , 2011 Elisabeth , can I just tell you how much I enjoy reading all of your blogs ! But todays , well , todays was SO timely I sort of felt like you crawled into my head ! ! Freaky . Anyway , I hear ya , 100 % . The story you shared about your mom made me chuckle , I can 't even pee by myself anymore , between a 4 year old , a one year old , and yes , even the husband ( although he typically waits until I 'm in the shower to trapse on into the bathroom ) I have zero privacy anymore . This morning I nearly reached my breaking point . My husband leaves for work fairly early so I am left in charge of the 2 girls , 5 sometimes 6 days a week , before I have to drop them off at various daycares and get myself to work . As I was helping my eldest get changed , my youngest was insistent on getting in my face looking for attention . I just needed one minute to help my oldest , but of course , you can 't tell a one year old , " wait , mommy will be with you shortly " can you ? You can , but she doesn 't understand you . Whether I am home alone with the girls or he is around , this sort of thing happens frequently , where I am being bombarded with requests and he has taken time for himself to sit and watch a sports show or look at a magazine . I have created the predicament I am in now b / c my husband has been let off the hook ( by me ) in terms of helping with our daughters . I love him , but I wish he was more hands - on and not just when it 's convenient for him . Why is it so hard for me to " grow a pair " and just hand off the kids to him and say , " I love you , but I really REALLY need a break " especially since I haven 't had a full night 's sleep for nearly 2 years ! ! I could go on and on , but right now , I will simply say , thank you for sharing your feelings with all of us . I for one , appreciate your honesty . on August 25th , 2011 I can COMPLETELY relate to this . I used to be one of those people who would read all the new , popular books when they came out , in a matter of days . 100 pages a night usually , when I got into bed . But now I am married and have a 15 month old and when I get to bed the most I read is 2 pages and then I 'm out . I even find myself trying to do things like sweep the floor and clean up dishes while my daughter is eating dinner because I say to myself , " Once she 's in bed , I am going to SLEEP . " Many nights I put her in bed and let out a sigh of relief . And after she 's in bed , the dog , who has been neglected by all the attention I must pay the baby , now is suction cupped to my legs and insists on bringing me multiple toys to play with . And I feel guilty so of course I play with him . And don 't get me started on my husband . " What 's for dinnnnnnner ? " " Where is my brown belt ? " " What 's the password to the online banking ? " on August 25th , 2011 Elisabeth - I sooooo understand . I 'm also an only child and I now have 3 kids ( 7 yo twins and a 3 yo ) and sometimes the sheer NOISE of my life makes me want to flee ( alone ! ! ) . Mom ? ? Mom ? ! ? MOM ! ! ? ? ? All . Day . Long . And did I mention I have two dogs too ? The bathroom visits really are quite remarkable . I LOVE them all but I have had the very same thought you articulated : if one more person / animal needs something from me , I may scream . One day I lectured my labrador retrievers about how I would have at least one whole extra HOUR a day if I didn 't have to feed or walk them ( but I do love them and normally LOVE walking them ) . It 's just this feeling sometimes of death by a thousand cuts . Last night I took a " Mommy time out " and sat outside with a glass of wine and a magazine for 10 minutes enjoying a quick " alone " moment . And it helped , lots ! Those small stolen moments can make a difference . Now if I only could find time to actually read a book again … love your blog posts ! Lisa on August 25th , 2011 I had spent the entire weekend with my boys and late Sunday afternoon my husband finally came home from work . All weekend , the only thing I heard was " Mama , Mama , Mama , Mama . . " It didn 't stop , I was slowly losing it . As soon as the boys heard their dad come home a miracle happened . I began to hear " Daddy , Daddy , Daddy , Daddy . " It was the sweetest sound , music to my ears ! I told my husband that I loved him and that I 'd be back in an hour ! on August 25th , 2011 This article was right on time for me . I am the mother to a very loving but sometimes clingy 9 year old daughter . She not only relies on me for EVERYTHING but she loves to have my undivided attention 24 / 7 . This past summer I tried to ignore my need for " mommy time " because of the guilt I felt over needing time to myself but after a mommy meltdown I began to tell her that she was a big girl and could do a lot of things for herself . I also told her needed to give me my own space for a few moments each day so that I could read or just breathe . We spend a lot of time together and I carve out play time each day for me and her but there are times when I really need to be left alone . She know understands and things have gotten better . on August 25th , 2011 I love your blog posts , Elisabeth ! ! I can totally relate . I am a working mom to a 3 year old and 5 year old . I was laughing about the barging in the bathroom , happens to me all the time . And your comment about sacrificing last year 's fashions for kids ' clothes and shoes . I recently had my birthday and was given gift certificates and am so excited about shopping for myself , not the kids all the time ! ! It is hard , especially when you are a working mom , to get time for yourself . When I am at work , I am always thinking about the kids and sometimes vice versa . It is hard to do so many things , work , take care of kids , be a good partner / spouse , clean house , etc . I find that I have to let some things go , like cleaning , so I can spend more time with my kids . I have a stay at home mom friend , who went to AZ to visit her parents , BY HERSELF . People didn 't understand , but I did . That is her job and she needs a vacation . Kids are always calling you , " Mama , mama , " and demanding things , so she needed to get away and recharge . And this is a woman who has a VERY helpful husband . I love my kids more than anything , but I understand that you do need time to recharge . And with a 3 and 5 year old , it is NOISY all the time . I am not sure what the solution is , but I think as they get older , you will have more time to yourself . Just think about when your daughter goes off to college , that is what I try to remind myself , that these phases are fleeting and will change . There will be a time when they don 't need us as much . Hang in there … . and take some time for yourself ! ! on August 25th , 2011 I can relate to the bathroom scene . I can be in the bathroom and within seconds little hands appear from under the door and little voices asking , " Mommy what are you doing ? " That 's when I either cry or laugh ! I think they just sense when mom is in the bathroom . on August 25th , 2011 I can so relate to this , having a 6 year old and twins who are 3 . There 's rarely a moment of peace and quiet in the house . But I 've found the perfect hiding spot ( so far ) where I can get a good 10 - 20 minutes of ME time . The playroom ! It 's so obvious but the kids never think to look for me in there . I cherish the few minutes I can steal in there , just sitting and looking out the window or being able to read a few pages of my book . on August 25th , 2011 I have 3 kids ; 7 , 4 and 2 and I have meltdowns DAILY . It was a HORRIBLE summer with all three kids home ALL . DAY . LONG and nothing but 100 degree weather outside . MIS - ER - ABLE . So , while I do have my mornings anti - chaotic thanks to only one child home 3 days a week now , that doesn 't mean the afternoons are smooth - sailing . Ohhhhh no . As soon as my older two come home from school it is NON . STOP . FIGHTING . 2 . 5 seconds after the first fight has errupted ? I melt down . All of those older mothers and especially grandma - aged women LOVE to tell me to enjoy my kids while I have them at home . Yes , for the most part I DO enjoy them , but between the hours of 3 : 30pm - 8pm ? Not so much . One of these very opinionated older women can GLADLY come over and " enjoy " my children while I head on out for some retail therapy or go sip some coffee . Heck , I 'll sit in my car and stare out the window if it means peace and quiet . on August 25th , 2011 Oh yeah … . I can totally relate to this blog post . I feel like I cannot do anything alone anymore . My little ones follow me everywhere and even when my husband is at home and I try to steal away for a bath or something … they knock on the door ! It drives me crazy sometimes ! I am even suprised that I am typing this right now and don 't have a toddler on my lap . My husband travels quite a bit for work and I am alone alot with my kids . I love them to pieces , but yes … we do need that alone … get away time sometimes … . more than sometimes . And you can bet that this weekend after my hubby gets back from his trip I will be claiming that for myself ! ! ! Totally understand where you are coming from Elisabeth ! 🙂 I am 5 months pregnant and I have a 3 year old . Last night I cooked dinner , clean after dinner , gave my son a bath , did a load of laundry and all while I was feeling sick . I took my son to bed and as I am trying to get him down to sleep , my husband turns up the volume on the baseball game and has all the lights on in the living room . My son keeps asking me why daddy is allowed to be awake . He is asking this like over and over again the tv is blasting - I feel sick , then my son tells me he has to go potty - I take him - it is a scam - he just wanted to see daddy in the living room . I take him back to bed - he says he has pee - I take him back in the bathroom and he misses the toilet pees everywhere . I lost it - went into the lving room and told my husband to take over because I was about to lose my mind . My husband says " what is the big deal ? " on August 25th , 2011 I am not a mom , but am very familiar with the no alone time , I have furkids . My latest furbaby just turned two and I have had her since she was 4 . 5 weeks old and really I am the only " mom " human or otherwise she has known , so naturally she is with me constantly . I can 't even walk into the kitchen to get a glass of water without my dear Danni following me . I love her to pieces , but there are times , especially at 2 AM when I don 't need to hear the pitter patter of little feet trying to find me . And since I work freelance I need to spend a lot of time away from home or in my home office which is hard for her to understand , and if I need alone time which is almost every other week right now and it doesn 't work out I just blow up . However , with the recent acquisition of the Kindle app for my Dell Streak I am able to relax with several good books and Danni can lounge in the same room without bothering me . She can see me and to her that 's all that counts . on August 25th , 2011 Oh my goodness can I relate ! My husband works from home two days a week with our 9 month old . I can 't even get peace at work on those two days ! Today alone he called me seven times because the baby wouldn 't take her nap - expecting me to have the magic answer ! It is stressful enough to always be on baby duty when at home , but at work too ? ! ? on August 25th , 2011 I just talked to my daughter who is in the middle of a melt down . She has a full time job and commutes to work . She has 3 children in 3 different schools . After she works out getting everyone picked up from school … . She has football , soccer and cheerleading practice aftere the kids are picked up from school . Her husband is going on the night shift and will be unable to assist in getting anyone anywhere . She is stressed beyond stressed . on August 25th , 2011 I can completely understand . I 'm reading this book , " She 's Gonna Blow " that 's dedicated to this particular subject . I wait until everyone is in bed asleep and read it in peace and quiet . Everyone keeps telling me that it 's gonna get better . My daughter turns 3 in October . So … . . I 'm waiting . Just remember , " This too shall pass ! " on August 25th , 2011 Although not a parent , this is the main reason I refuse to be a SINGLE parent . My mother recently called asking " when was [ I ] going to make [ her ] a grandmother ? " I sighed . I 'm her caregiver ( although currently from a few states away ) , work a demanding job for 9 - 11 hrs / day , and have a relatively active social life and am single . I was a nanny for a good while and that wee small taste of single parenthood - being alone all day with an infant - taught me all I needed to know about myself and raising a kid alone . And that is , I value my alone time tooooo much to do it . As a nanny to an infant , if I was in the bathroom , he was in the bathroom . If I was getting dressed , he was in a pillow fort watching and waiting . Unless he was asleep , my little man became my little lamprey : On me , almost all the time from 7AM to 4PM . It was enjoyable , I loved him , but dear LORD , save me from having to do it solo . ( Which he graciously has , in the form of birth control . ) Anyway , yes , you have driven home yet again why I probably won 't enter into the parenthood game as a single player . Good luck getting to bed early tonight , my dear . Sleep well . They will call again in the morning ! on August 25th , 2011 I can totally relate ! I have a 5 year old and 15 month old and a husband who works until 9 pm every night . There are times I just want some peace and quiet and to be alone but it doesnt happen . I just take the kids to the back yard and let them run around and that helps because they let off steam and when they are happy I am happy . But it is hard being a parent even though some days I am about ready to cry at the end of the day ! By realising you need some mum time , its what makes you a good mum . If we don 't take some time for ourselves we burn out and an exhausted mum is not a happy mum . I would love to be able to read a book that ISN ' T a textbook at this point . My mum time is once they are all asleep and that includes the husband . So go , be kind to yourself , go to a day spa , have your hair done , have a hot bubble bath . Or and treat yourself to some good quality chocolate . I live in Ecuador , I am a working mom with a 3year old and 11 month old and I can relate soooo much to all the things said ! We moms have to do everything , take care of the kids , the husband , the house , the job , the friends . This week I had 3 deadlines at work , my 2 babis are at home the whole day and I had to organize a Baby shower for a friend ! I almost had something ! Anyway , we have to stay strong and enjoy life as much as possible ! on August 26th , 2011 Elisabeth ! I have a 5 year old and an almost 2 year old and I feel this way sometimes as well . I think it 's normal . . though most of my friends never mention it . I love how real you are and how open and honest . I love reading your blog ! Best wishes . on August 26th , 2011 Elisabeth … I agree with everything in your blog , but most of all , I wanted to tell you how much I enjoy your blog . Out of all the celebrity bloggers , I enjoy your pieces the most because of the honesty in which you write ! Please keep writing ! on August 26th , 2011 Oh the Mommy Meltdown ! I have one almost daily ! Don 't we all ! I have three kids , ages 6 , 4 and 7 months , and a few weeks ago I had this sort of " Parental Perfect Storm . " My 6 year old had a case of diarrhea and my 4 year old was under the weather . My 7 month old had a rare case of spit up and got his entire outfit just gross . I had to change him right away . While I was in the midst of changing him , my 6 year was having another bout of diarrhea and needed help in the bathroom , meanwhile I hear this awful retching from the 4 year old who is laid up on the couch downstairs ! How do you prioritize ? ! I put the baby naked in the crib , ( I can always change a crib sheet ) bypassed the 6 year old in the bathroom who has his hindquarters up in the air so that I can clean him up , ( I can always give a bath and mop the floor ) and run downstairs to help my 4 year old daughter who is throwing up to ensure she doesn 't choke ! That all happened before 9am and I thought , " Oh no ! If this is the first part of my day , what is the rest of my day about to hold ? ! I will need some serious chocolate therapy ! " Luckily , the rest of the day was quiet and sickness passed quickly and my mommy sanity was restored ! on August 26th , 2011 Great blog , and I hope you got your quiet time . I have nothing but admiration & praise for all you moms ! ! ! ! I honestly don 't know how ya 'll do it . I 'm 35 , w / a spouse , 2 dogs , and a full time job and feel this way . I was up till 1 : 30 last weekend cleaning . My husband was in bed the dogs were tucked in too and finally some quiet me time and what did I do but clean . Again my praise to all you moms you 're the best and an inspiration to the rest of us ladies out there who feel like they 're over whelmed w / out the added kids . THANK YOU ! on August 26th , 2011 I can definately relate to this . It took me no less than 20 minutes to read this post . Not because I am a slow reader , but because my chidren have a sixth sense of when mommy is doing something that doesn 't directly involve them . My son ( 10 months ) took off with my wireless mouse and while retrieving that and answering my phone , my daughter ( 3 ) decided to " draw me a picture , " except she drew it on my computer desk with a permanent marker . on August 26th , 2011 Let me first start off with I LOVE reading your blogs i read them while i was pregnant and i currently have a 8 month old he is very active . crawling , standing , trying to walk into everything . i love it ! my lovely hubby who loves asking for things that is right in front of his face recently told me that i need to take time for myself ( go figure ) so reading this i guess i will start taking him up on his offer . i always try to do things myself but now we have given each other at least 1 / 2 hr to an hour alone time a day alone to do whatever while the other is with the baby and a sunday afternoon to mid evening a month to the same hang out with your friends , play basketball , read a good book , relax and watch your favorite show . best wishes to everyone . on August 26th , 2011 Elisabeth , I LOVE your blog ! I can totally relate to this one especially . However , I think I may have stumbled upon the key ! The other night I walked into the bathroom but did NOT shut the door . Not one of my 2 small children or husband came running for my aid and assistance ! My husband did glance in at me and tried to shut the door and I quickly said , " No , leave it open ! No one 's bothered me yet ! " It 's like they hear the click of the door closing from miles away and come running to interupt that one futile moment of peace ! on August 26th , 2011 I am not a mother , but I do have three dogs . I can relate to Elisabeth a bit . There are moments when I just want a few minutes to myself . I don 't want to speak to anyone or have anyone speak to me . There are mornings I want to sleep in but know I can 't because I have to take the dogs out for their morning walk . I love the three of them and everything is forgotten when I come home and they all greet me like they haven 't seen me in years rather than a few hours . I believe if you can find a minute to yourself , take it . You don 't have to be supermom ( or superdad ) everyday all day . on August 26th , 2011 AAAAHHHH … . the mommy melt down . lol I look back at those days and absolutely miss them ! ! I know that may seem odd to you now , but my daughter 's are 18 & 23 now , and I never see them very often , they are busy with thier own lives , school , work , boyfriends etc . I do remember thinking wow how can I get everything done in a day and keep both girl 's happy . But you manage through it and after years of school , sports , and other activities , I miss the stress of running around all over town for the girl 's , because now I feel they don 't need me anymore . I am only 42 ( started family young ) and I now have to schedule time to fit into thier schedules . So I know this sounds cliche ' , but enjoy all of the interruptions and " I need this " " I need that " times . They go by so quickly and soon you will have so much quite time that you long for a noisy crowded home . Love the blog Elisabeth , things do get easier and try the leave the bathroom door open trick , worked for me also . Kids just want to know where you are every moment , just like you needed to know where they are every moment when they were younger . I always kept a box of activities to do when I needed a mommy break , these would be things the kids could do on their own and would take at leat 30 min . before they would come looking for you to show you what they have created . on August 26th , 2011 This really should be re - titled " WOMAN Meltdown . " You don 't have to have kids to know what this is like . I work a demanding job , am a care - giver to a husband with serious health issues , pet owner , business owner , friend , daughter , ect . I have so many hats , its hard to keep up with them all . Between the dr 's appointments , work , prescriptions , dog food runs , errands , house cleaning , bills , church , yard work , laundry , ect - its easy to feel like you are losing your mind . 10 quiet minutes would be HEAVEN , but the second you sit down , you are needed for something else . on August 26th , 2011 Fridays are the worst for me ! ! At the end of a long week , when everyday every semi - silent moment seemed to be ripe for my name being thrown into the air , I 'm " tired " of hearing my name . Is it crazy that I 'm looking forward to traffic school tonight ? No . To a mom of 2 4 - and - under , I think it 's perfectly normal . Normal is the new crazy . on August 26th , 2011 I have a 2 year old and a four - month old and can relate to everything you said ! I have been so exhausted and overwhelmed for the last four months that I barely take time to eat … and , yes , I realized the other day that I spend insane amounts of time in the shower because it is the one time of the day that no one is screaming , punching , kicking , crying , barking or demanding something of me . Two days ago , my husband brought home a card and gift certificate for me to spend a day at the spa . An entire day ! And my aunt and uncle who live close by offered to take both of my kids for a Friday night and I don 't have to get them until Saturday . I can 't imagine an entire night to spend with my husband and SLEEP . I am so excited . I used to get excited for trips to the Caribbean or getting a promotion at work . Now it only takes a little time to myself ! I have started making unecesary doctor 's appointments for myself so I can sit in the waiting room and read ! LOL . So good to hear other moms are going through the same thing … on August 26th , 2011 Are we living parallel lives ? LOL ! Amen , sister ! You are not alone . I get requests and demands while I 'm in the middle of a shower . I 'm in the shower - I cannot help you ! This with their daddy totally available downstairs watching TV . But we 'll all be missing this attention when our kids are older and we 're the last thing on their minds . Still drives me bats & @ t , though ! on August 26th , 2011 I feel your pain ! I have twin 2 year olds and today was the day from hell . When they weren 't whining , yelling , clinging , or complaining , my dear husband was calling my cell phone every 5 minutes to make sure I did all his errands ! Right now I 'm under the covers with my laptop decompressing . So glad I read this because sometimes I feel like I 'm the only one ! on August 26th , 2011 Not yet a parent but I have been an early childhood teacher for 10 years . My kids / students are a constant source of amazement and I am so proud to have a part in their early educational lives . HOWEVER , it is mentally , physically and emotionally exhausting dealing with such young children and their families , most of whom are facing all kinds of challenges . Sometimes my husband and friends don 't quite understand that I just need to decompress and relax sometimes because it is overwhelming . I care deeply for my students and their families and would not consider another job but I do understand the Mommy / Caregiver / Teacher meltdown 🙂 on August 27th , 2011 Oh Kim ! You 're not a bad mom … you 're a stressed out mom . We all have our moments when we 're absolutely pushed beyond the edge . Do not beat yourself up ! Just be sure to give your little boy some serious lovings later on , let him know he 's very very loved , and explain the situation . Even if he 's too young to understand , it 's the feelings behind the words that he will understand . I have to do that with my three year old all the time … she 's so very independent , stubborn , and clingy , all at the same time . And being pregnant on top of it all ! Husbands just don 't quite get it , because they 're never in the same situation , nor will they ever be . Lots of * HUGS * from me , and hang in there ! I ran around all summer taking the eldest to the country club where he lifeguards , the second son to basketball open gyms and my daughter to playdates and the pool . We also have a 10 year old Pug and live in an almost 20 year old colonial home . I made a promise to my God not to work outside the home , thus dedicating most of my energy to their care , thus making huge financial sacrifices Stress can be managed but so many moms are not willing to make sacrifices by putting their career on hold . YOU CAN NOT HAVE IT ALL . I am almost 50 and am very wise . I have watched 12 couples divorce over the last several years , tons of money with both working and no time for each other , the kids or personal time . What is your PRIORITY ? If one partner can pay the bills , the other should take care of the kids because they grow fast . When a woman works outside the home , takes care of a husband , children , an ailing parent ( I took care of a dying mother for three years which required travel and leaving my kids with hubby , a pet , home , laundry , church obligations , school volunteering , etc . , eventually , the woman will suffer health problems , physical or emotional , or both . Woman are killing themselves today with their stressful lifestyles . Why do you think the heart attack rate has increased for women ? SIMPLIFY your life before it 's too late ! And STOP COMPLAINING , if you are blessed with a spouse or partner . The single mom or moms in starving nations like Africa NEVER get breaks or privacy ! on August 27th , 2011 I laughed so hard when I read this ! My friend and I often put ourselves on " Mommy time - outs . " My four year old and seven year old follow me around the house on a regular basis and use what I call their " sonar ping , " they randomly call for me just to wait to hear if a noise comes back at them . It is like a constant sweep to ensure that I am within calling distance in the off chance that they may need something . I also have two dogs and a husband ( who would also qualify as a large child sometimes , ) who require attention , help , an answer to some common - sense question etc . The friend I was talking about sat everyone down at the kitchen table a week ago and explained to them all that when Mommy is in the bathroom , she is still on the other side of the door . It is not a portal to an alternate dimension or planet and that , if they are patient and do not disturb her , at some point she will reappear ! Every time I feel like I 'm going to explode due to a lack of space or oxygen I think of my Mom telling me to savor this experience because it goes so fast . Someday soon , I will wish to hear two little voices asking for help or the barking of my two dogs or the " sonar - ping " that is my everyday . Until then , I will enjoy my self - imposed time outs in the bathroom with my book and the telephone . on August 27th , 2011 I so can relate to everything you have blogged about and most of the other comments ! As a mother of 4 children ( 12 , 10 , 9 & 7 ) what exactly is a quiet moment ? Hmmm . 8 : 30 p . m . when the kids are in bed . I can actually breathe and find my brain . Now , I may not make much sense , but it is QUIET ! ! The bathroom thing is hilarious and so very true ! My kids now know not to come near the bathroom if I am in it unless one of them is bleeding profusely or has a broken bone ! Hang in there , you are doing a GREAT job ! ! on August 27th , 2011 My daughter is now 12yo . She is very needy at times and other times very independent . I am no longer working due to the economy . Because the school year last year I am now home schooling . I am home with her 24 hours a day , 7 days a week . I wont be getting holidays off . LOL . I have been having a mommy meltdown every evening . I just want peace and quiet . I do lock that bathroom door . I didnt use to . Whe she was younger I would relax in a bubble bath . This seemed to be a clear message to my daughter and husband to come in and sit on the floor and talk . Before I would know it , the dogs , the cats and poss one of the pet rats or rabbits would be in their also . I would say , care to ask the neighbors in ? Things are changing now that she is getting older . Husband runs interference now . Dogs and rats have moved on to heaven and bathtime is now me time again . Somedays I miss times past . But , they made for some great memories . And there are always more memories to be made . on August 27th , 2011 I swear its like a closed door automatically triggers every single need . Go to the bathroom or your bedroom and close the door ? Everyone is hurt , is hungry , needs to pee , needs to know where the remote is … Hang in there ! You are not alone . on August 27th , 2011 Totally relate , and wonder how single parents do it ! I was ill this week , and thank God for my husband . I count my blessings . I agree , pets don 't count . Puleeze . I 'm not sure what I loved reading the most , Elisabeth 's blog or all of the responses hahaha ! I , too , can relate . Every evening when I 'm making dinner ( and you know what that entails , ladies - prep , making the food , and cleanup ! ! ) , my 2 1 / 2 year old daughter is clinging to my leg asking for milk or wanting picked up - mama , mama , maaaammmmaaaa , while my husband is staring mindlessly at the tv in the family room . When I ask for help , he can 't even mutter a coherent response ( and he doesn 't even drink hahaha ) . And Holiday , although I love ya sister , I disagree with your views about the women who only have furbabies ( and I use " only " loosely ) . I personally think furbabies are harder than human babies . When I hear people say they 're getting a puppy to prepare for parenting , I have to laugh - and HARD . They unfortunately don 't have diapers to catch their accidents and most of the time can 't be taken on vacations or into the grocery store . And if you have a nervous dog , forget it , you need to either invest in hardwood or never let anyone new into your house , aaaahhhh ! ! on August 27th , 2011 My boys are now 19 & 22 yrs old - but I can still vividly remember one particular incident when they were young - I opened the shower curtain and there stood both boys , my husband and the dog , all " needing " something ! ! LOL It was at that moment that I instituted the " privacy " in the bathroom thing . Due to my reaction from this incident , they were pretty good with the new rule LOL Thanks for the memories ! on August 28th , 2011 I enjoy reading your blog ! I am not a parent but a high school band teacher , so I spend a lot of time with the same kids during school , after school and weekend performances , I can definitely relate to getting sick of my own name ! It 's so nice to come home at the end of the day and have silence . on August 28th , 2011 Holiday , I find your comments to often be insulting , as I FEEL , you put people down and brag constantly . I actually don 't believe half of what you say , so I just try and ignore you and you should do the same . If people want to discuss their fur babies and how difficult they are , right on … . because they are , for sure ! I had more health issues with my fur babies than human babies . I love them all , but everyone has different experiences . Some will never have a human baby and a fur baby is their life . To infer that someone shouldn 't speak or compare because they don 't have a human child , is just plain rude . Just two days ago , while on " vacation " , my four year old was at me again about finding something , and my husband was not being his usual intuitive helpful self , and it had been a very long day , I looked at my daughter and said " sweetie , I love you and you have me so frustrated right now , that I don 't know what to do " ! She looks at me with this look of total bewilderment and says , " but Jennifer , I can 't do anything about it " ! Yes , for the first time EVER my daughter called me something other than Mommy , Mom , or Mamma ! ( Well , the occasional " Daddy " ) I realized at that moment , that she couldn 't help it , she doesn 't understand , and I can 't expect her to ! However , I do understand , and when the little things add up to big things , and I am just at the end of my rope , it is my JOB to take a time out for me ! ! ! That way I can recharge and be the mommy I LOVE being , and the mommy she deserves ! So , go to bed early ! ! ! Take a two or three night mini - vacation , it is the BEST thing you CAN do for your family ! Hang in there , from one mommy to another ! on August 28th , 2011 Wow ! Thanks for your great blog ! I am the mother of five , and the stepmother of four , That is NINE ! I totally need a vacation or a T . V … ( No , we don 't have one ) … I can totally relate to the bathroom issue . I can 't remember the last time I had a complete phone conversation , or taken a shower without someone pounding on the door … At 2 am when the house is FINALLY clean , and the children all asleep , and my husband snoring away , I finally have that small moment of peace just between desperate fatique and the train to Dreamville … Sigh , one day they will all grow up , and I will miss this … . I think . on August 28th , 2011 It 's so exhausting being needed all the time ! Excellent post ! Thank you for sharing and being so real and honest . It 's also so exhausting being so guilty all the time . What a mother to do ? on August 28th , 2011 So enjoyed your blog . My children are furbabies . But I am also a Nurse . I do know through my training that " Mommy time " is absolutely essential for " Mom " and the rest of the family . Look for creative ways to get " Daddy " to take over the 1 0n 1 time ( of course only a text message away if neede ) . Go out with a friend and shop , join a book club , take in a Flick . ( Hey a good dose of Ben Affleck or Matt Damon can be very therapeutic ! ) Also , I loved you on L & O . Wish they could re - create your character ! L & O was never the same without your character ! Also the loss of Jerry Orbach made a huge impact on the entire series . Would you ever think about doing a new TNT " Drama " ? I know , I just created another " job " to add to your list ! Take care and take " Me " time . on August 28th , 2011 And I am wondering if I should have number three … because yesterday I was in Hawaii by myself while I was really at the beach with my husband , my parents , their two barky weiner dogs , and my two crabby kids ( 1 1 / 2 yr old and 3 yr old ) trying to have a wonderful time . While my two kids were acting up , I told my mom I checked out and that I went to Hawaii . What I didn 't reveal , is that earlier in the day while we were trying to eat lunch my 1 1 / 2 yr old woke up from his nap and wouldn 't stop crying . My husband said it was ruining his eating experience . So I got the little one out of his car seat but he was crying out of control and trying to get out of my arms . I finally poured cold water over his head so see if he would snap out of it . It didn 't work . My husband finally took him from me so I could eat my lunch . on August 28th , 2011 I hear you . We all have those days . It 's 8yrs staying home with my 2 kids . Mommy meltdowns and timeouts . Luckily for me , when my husband sees that " glazed - over look " I have on a bad day , he takes over after he gets home . I mentally ' clock - out ' . Go out for an hour or two to get some peace and quiet . The kids are fed and bathed . He helps alot with the kids and chores in general . on August 28th , 2011 Oh honey , you DON ' T KNOW what a " mommy breakdown " is until they are 16 & 17 then honey , come talk to mommy about a " mommy breakdown " and even THEN there is no time for a " mommy breakdown " . Ha ha , at 0 - 10 those are the GOOD years . You have no idea …….. ( and I have " good " kids ) . on August 28th , 2011 God , I love you . TOO TRUE about the bathroom thing ! I would print this out for my husband to read … but guess what ? He probably wouldn 't . I 've got a two year old girl FULL of sass and demands , and I 'm seven months along with a little boy . I don 't know how I 'm going to do it ! I already say that I am caring for two toddlers ( husband and daughter ) because nothing ever stays clean in my house unless it 's between the hours of 11 p . m . and 7 a . m . All the laundry , dishes , meals , dusting - everything pretty much goes unnoticed ! Us moms are thankless servants - not that I am complaining - I find everything I do for my family incredibly rewarding ! I just wish that I could get those precious few minutes in between cleaning and my daughter waking up from nap time to read my entertainment magazines and relax . on August 28th , 2011 I remember oh so well those days ! When my boys were younger , everything seemed to run smoothly UNTIL I went to the bathroom . All of a sudden , they needed me for every little thing . They are now 12 and 14 and they still seem to call out for me when I am in the bathroom ( as does my hubby ) . I just tell them to wait and go back to my reading materials ! I keep magazines and books in the bathroom now because I can lock them all out ( LOL ! ) . My big problem time now is in the car . When we are all travelling on a long journey , I enjoy reading ( it 's the one time now that I really get in a good long read ) . When the boys want something though , they always say " mum , mum , mum " . I am trying to train them ( yes train ! ) to start with " dad , dad , dad " because he can talk and drive at the same time . I can 't read and talk though ! So , even though they are now much older , I still have to work on my reading time ! 🙂 on August 28th , 2011 I don 't know what you are talking about saying I " brag " . That is totally untrue . I just said in this post how sometimes at the end of the day all I want to do is cry because I am so tired and frustrated ! If you think I am bragging about being a young mom that is not true at all , I just hate all the negatives people say about being a young mom . If anyone has a baby when they are under the age of 25 all kinds of nasty things get said so I point out the positives about being young and starting a family , that is not bragging ! And I am sticking to it that caring for your cat and caring for your kids is totally different and really not even comparable . I have a cat . She is a nice cat , but she is just a cat and is pretty self reliant , especially when comparing the cat to my 15 month old and 5 year old . on August 29th , 2011 You are the BEST ! Thank you so much for eloquently sharing what we ALL feel at times , and kudos to you for recognizing when you need that time , and sometimes actually TAKING it ! 😉 Hats off , Elisabeth ! on August 29th , 2011 I have a pet and have two kids . Caring for pets is nothing like caring for kids . Are we so pc now we cannot even say this ? Some people are not parents , so what . Why are they commenting in a blog about kids and then complaining people call them out for saying pet care is as hard as childcare ? OT : Eating like a homeless animal made me lol . So true . I scarf food down over the sink before baths and story time . Taking care of the kids is hard but well worth it . Good blog btw on August 29th , 2011 I can relate 100 % . I have an 8 yo and 2 yo and they 're always coming to me for everything , even if their dad is home . Sometimes I just need a break so I tell them to go to their dad or I 'll tell him ' the kids need you ' . If it 's really crazy , I just tell hubby ' I 'm off the clock ' and leave the house for an hour or two . I only do this after on August 29th , 2011 this exactly why I love reading this blog … it is real ! ! ! My kids usually pull the I want a snack when they can clearly see I am making dinner ! ! When my answer is no we will be eating in 20 minutes there response is either " I 'm going to starve " or " you are so mean , I haven 't eaten all day " … I love the drama of preteens ( I hate the word tween ) ! ! My husband is just as bad as the kids too , I love him but really can 't you see the food I am cooking & know it is 6 : 00pm & dinner is right around the corner , so why does he grab a bowl of chips & salsa & torture the kids ? ? ? Dear Elisabeth , Please keep writing your blog , I love every word you write & can relate to your everyday experiences … I think most moms can too . So thank you for baring your heart & soul 🙂 on August 29th , 2011 I understand your pain . I am the mother of a soon - to - be two - year old . And I am exhausted . The most recent continuous event that has me about to lose my mind ? My lovely partner has been kind of enough to get our son up every morning so that i can lay in bed for a few minutes longer . However , the benefit is lessened when he brings our son right to our bedroom so my son can tell me , " I 'm hungry , mommy . I 'm hungry . " Could his father have given him a banana from the kitchen ? Sure . How about a delicious muffin that I made this weekend expressly to be used for quick grab meals ? One would think . But no . Delivering my son to the bedroom so he can crawl on top of me and tell me he 's hungry while im struggling to get my eyes open seems to be the preferred course of action . Or how about when I come home from a long day at work and go into the kitchen to prepare dinner . I 'm doing the best I can and as quickly as I can but I am about to drop everything and just leave the house . My son is standing outside of the kitchen telling me over and over and over that he 's hungry and wants to eat . My partner , who worked from home , wants to know what 's for dinner and when it will be ready because he 's hungry too . And I just want to ask him why , if he 's been home all day , he couldn 't start dinner or at least come up with an idea of what he wants to eat so he can help me out . Grrrr ! As a result , at the end of the summer ( this past weekend , as a matter of fact ) , my hubby puts me up in a nice hotel for a 3 night stay to recharge my batteries . I take my scrapbooking supplies , a few books , some bubble bath , and my harried nerves and I recharge . I get a fun movie on the hotel TV . I get room service for 1 glorious meal ( I take premade salads and microwaveable foods for the rest of the meals ) . I take a few sumptuous forbidden snacks . I put the do not disturb sign on the door and I don 't leave that room . It is so nice and I love my husband even more for this time he gives me . ( And using one of those bid for the room hotel sites , we usually get a really good deal on the room , too . This past weekend , I stayed in a room an an Embassy Suites for half the regular price per night ! ) So I know we all understand what you 're talking about , Elisabeth . Any primary child caretaker has experienced the Mommy Meltdown ( whether they 're the Mommy or not ) and recharging is the only answer . So go get that room and relax ! ! on August 29th , 2011 Trying doing it as a single parent with no backup . My ex husband left when I was 6 months preggo . I have my mommy breakdowns all the time but be thankful if you have someone to help you out . on August 29th , 2011 I have 15 children and 12 are still at home between the ages of 12 and 5 . Needless to say , it can be busy at times . I try and take my breaks when I can but I often complain to my husband that everytime I close the bathroom door or answer the phone everyone needs something . They often want some object or a disagreement broke out and they ned me to solve things immediately . I have often looked forward to my children 's bedtime when I can be " off - duty " for a bit . I also love reading that lots of people have this same desire for being themselves . My husnad and i are taking our first trip by ourselves in 20 years . One week … no children . . no phone ( international ) … otehr people preparing my food and cleaning up after me … I plan to use the bathroom , with no interruptions and enjoy 21 quiet meals that I don 't have to prepare . Then , I plan on coming home and enjoying the blessings my children have to offer . We shouldn 't feel guilty about taking time for ourselves because while you can appreciate silence you can also appreciate the noise , laughter and joy that is your children . Thank you so much for posting sucha timely message and a great reminder . If we don 't take time for oursleves we won 't hav ethe energy , patience and endurance it takes to complete our journey happily . on August 29th , 2011 Love ya girl ! Oh how I go through the guilt about why I am craving alone time ! My husband does help tremendously and still I am feeling the need for a glimpse of my life before my kids ( 3 and 2 yrs old ) . If I could just get in a movie , read a book , go shopping for me , get a massage , get a pedicure , and on and on and on . These things are all glimpses of the past and every blue moon do find their way into a day in the life of toddlers ! But I long for more and am beginning to forget what a night out feels like , even WITH my hubby . It 's refreshing to read that we are all in the same situation and to know you are not alone , is the greatest gift . I am already able to smile knowing you are all out there and I am grateful ! So I just want to praise all of the MOMS out there and ask for blessings for each of you to find that special time that you need and help the hubby to acknowledge your need and help you to achieve it ! ! ! ! Go girls ! ! ! on August 29th , 2011 Wooooowwwwwwww I can so relate . My youngest son is 5 yrs old already and still runs into the bathroom when I 'm having my moment or even showering . Oh and if he hasn 't had his shower believe me when I say he 'll hop on in my shower within seconds and won 't take no for answer . He 's always in my bed all of them try to sneak in during the middle of the night ( I have 3 boys ages 12 , 9 , and 5 ) . sometimes I try to let the baby fal asleep then pass him over to his bed all to no avail . I 'll wake up and find him sleeping by my feet lol ! Gotta love them ! ! ! ! ! ! But I could soooo use a mommy VACATION ! ! ! ! ! ! on August 29th , 2011 Just got back from a 3 day trip with the hubby , sans 4 year old son and 20 month old daughter . First time ever leaving the kids - it was bliss ! Highly reccomend some adult get away time for every parent out there . Doesn 't matter where you go , like Elisabeth said - it 's just time to read , eat , do ANYTHING that doesn 't involve being responsible for anyone but yourself . Aaahh … I have a 12 yr old and 6 yr old daughters with very different personalities . I try very hard to make some time for myself . They are always asking for smth , and yes even when i am in the bathroom or talking on my cell . Did i say that daddy is worse than the kids ? ? … he calls me mommy sometimes and it gets on my nerves … on August 29th , 2011 Being a single mom , I know al too well about " mommy meltdowns " I love my children dearly and would not trade them for the world , but I would love to have a moment to myself once in awhile . I have a 10yr old and a 7yr old and still can 't take a shower or got to the bathroom without being interrupted ! I love my boys , but a vacation would be great ! 🙂 on August 29th , 2011 Elisabeth , I am there with you girl ! Most nights I fall asleep with my little girls ( ages 6 and 2 ) , as they always want to cuddle in " the big bed . " I haven 't pooped by myself in years , except early in the morning ( TMI , sorry ) . If it isn 't the kids it 's the dogs , cats , or my lovely but whiny husband needing something from me . I work full - time as a nurse , and after a 12 - hour shift , the moment I get home I am " on duty " for the kids because my husband has " had them all day . " I get NO time off , which stinks . Except occasionally I take myself to the movies ( Harry Potter ! Chick Flicks ! ) or the nail salon . Sometimes I even have lunch or drinks dates with girlfriends , which are tremendously restorative . I am dreaming of a few days away with my husband for alone adult time ( New Orleans , yeah baby ! ) - it 's been over 3 years since the last time we had alone time . Thanks for this blog , it helps to be reminded how much we moms have in common . And that we 're all part of a sisterhood , or club . Good to know I 'm not alone , much as I LOVE being a mommy and wife . on August 29th , 2011 I don 't think I gave my kids a bath for two years . My husband would come home and he would take over so I could clean up , go shopping or run next door to my mother and father - in - laws ' and just ahve some peace . The kids were 6 , 4 , 2 and 6 months at the time . I think lack of sleep was also part of the problem . My then 2 year old pushed a chair up against the sink while I was taking a quick nap with the 6 month old and I awoke with this loud banging noise . I rushed to the kitchen to find my two year old in the sink . He had turned on the garbage disposal and there was a knife spinning around . Needless to say I haven 't slept since . It 's always the third child that will make your hair stand on end ! on August 29th , 2011 I so needed to read this post . I have been having a meltdown for what feels like the greater part of the past two days . Between children , husband , dog and household duties , I am done like dinner . I actually told my neighbour and fellow mommy that I wanted to quit my job today and skipped pages in my kid 's bedtime story , just so I could be done with it … I felt like garbage for doing it , but I need to stop and collect myself … errr reclaim my sanity . It makes me feel so much better knowing that I 'm not the only mommy feeling this way . Right now the house is quiet and I am enjoying a nice glass of red wine along with some of my kids cookies … bed is next and it 's only 8 : 15 p . m . on August 29th , 2011 OMGoodness ! Even though my daughter is now married and living 4000 miles aways with her military husband … I can remember days like this like it were yesterday . Locking myself in the bathroom with a bag or tortilla chips a diet coke and just decompressing … . . Thank you for this very very funny and human blog . on August 29th , 2011 I could totally relate to that , Elisabeth . I am a Mom to two boys aged 5 and 2 and now I 'm four months pregnant . I 'm an Indonesian born and bred so I 'm still totally not used to the way of life in America . My mom even already hired a helper to nurse me when I wasn 't even born yet . She could never understand what I 'm going through , doing it all alone . I guess sometimes we just need help . Thankfully , I have my still single younger sister here whom I could force to help me . My husband being a businessman has to travel rather frequently overseas and it does not help either . However , I 'm glad and super thankful to have such a wonderful helping and hands - on husband whenever he 's at home , he 's always helping me and trying to make me feel better . He has agreed to cut down his traveling routine and we decide that we would ask my younger brother to take care of the business in Indonesia and would ask his older sister to take care of the business in Europe . I 'll be hiring 2 full time housekeeper in the end of the year when we would move into a much more bigger house . I guess without help with 3 kids , a husband and 3 dogs I would just die alone chocked with hershey 's in my bathroom . Jesus on August 30th , 2011 Eating like a homeless animal cracked me up - mostly because that described my every meal . I work f / t and my husband is away for work A LOT so I totally " get it " . The mommy - meltdowns are all too near and not so deear to my heart . I love my daughter more than life itself but man , sometimes I just want to text someone , or answer a phone call , or pee ! on August 30th , 2011 Holiday - not everyone is lucky enough to be able to have children . After 2 years of fertility treatments , tons of money , and failed IVFs , having furbabies is all we can have . We have 3 dogs and a cat . I don 't believe anyone means to imply that having pets is the same as having children , but they do cost a fortune , they do take a lot of energy and they do take a lot of time ; these are the same demands children place on you . You are lucky you have children , I wish I could have been so lucky . But since - for whatever reason - that was taken away from us , we are doing the best we can with what we have . And if the only love we have to give is to our pets , then we are going to make their lives as rewarding as we can . It doesn 't make us less worthy of melt downs than people with kids . I 'm sure you didn 't mean to be insensitive , but consider next time that not everyone with only furbabies is by choice . on August 30th , 2011 I love the Blog … . too too funny ! All Mommy 's know how you feel , even those with just animals . It took my husband and I ( well God really ) 7 years to have our son ( we lost our first ) . In the meantime I had the most awesome lab in the world . He along with my husband could send me into fits though ! ! ! Since when has your child just pooped on the floor in front of you to get attention ! ! ! Or gotten in the trash and spread egg shells , coffee grinds , and used tampons all over the house . My son is 5 and I love him more than life itself . He too can make me lose it … today on the way to school I stopped to get gas and coffee . I told him he could come in to pick a drink . He wanted candy and was told no . He was mad and kept scooting away from me to try to sneak down the candy aisle , so I grabbed his shirt by the arm and pulled him closer to me . I never even touched skin but He then started to scream " you pinched me mommy and it hurts real bad " crying hysterically ! Kids , Dogs , Parents , Husbands … . we ALL need a break every once in awhile . While I can 't afford to do more than read a few pages of my book after everyone has gone to bed , those few minutes sure do help me to calm down . Don 't be mean to the people that have animals and no children . You can love an animal just as much as you love a human being . I would have killed for my Dog ! And they can also add to your daily stress . People who don 't have kids usually want them pretty bad and it is really hard for them to hear people complain about their kids that they probably didn 't have to try for and then tell them that they have no right to feel the way they do . Before I was blessed with my son I hated it that everyone else I knew got pregnant so easy … . then complained about it ! ! ! ! Just hoping more people will understand where the " Furbaby Parents " are coming from ! on August 30th , 2011 I am an ( as yet ) child - less , grown up daughter of a mother who instilled this notion in my sister and I ( and our dad ) when we were young … she would take time for herself every day - even if it was just 5 minutes . She said it kept her sane , and her good mental health = our good health and well - being . I would like to applaud you for speaking about this , and actually acting on it . My father died when I was 11 and my sister was 7 , and my mom became a single parent , who had to also return to the work force full time to support the family … and then come home and be a full time mom ( and that is about a million jobs rolled into one ) - talk about STRESS . If my sister and I didn 't tow the line ( do our chores , homework , etc . ) , our mom would simply go " on strike " - she would make dinner ( until we were old enough to do it ourselves ) but then she 'd take her dinner plate into her room , close the door , put up an " ON STRIKE " notice and not come out for at least an hour . Believe me , we got the lesson loud and clear ! Mom 's , I salute you - you are the glue that holds us all together . In my room , I would change out of my work clothes and put on my sweats or pyjamas and just decompress . After that half hour was up , I would feel more refreshed and geared into making dinner , helping with homework and having some family time after a busy day . That half hour made a HUGE difference and a calmer mom made the night ahead go alot smoother . Now it 's funny that when my son comes home from work , he will tell me almost the same thing ie : " hey Mom , I just need half an hour to decomp . " on August 31st , 2011 @ MA momma . . I am in the same boat you are . My husband is a computer gamer and is on there all day and night . From the time he gets home from work till he decides at 4 AM that is enough and comes to bed . He tries to be all lovey at that time and I just want to punch his lights out . He doesn 't seem to understand that I was just about 3 times before with our daughter and him coming to bed when I was just myself getting back to sleep . I too have two children who need mummy 24 / 7 . My daughter is more in my face than my son , but still I don 't have any alone time until I go to bed at 9 PM and even then sometimes I don 't get that either . So all the mummys out there that really have hubbys like mine , I can totally relate . If I ask for help , it is in a minute , make that an hour from when I asked and by then everything is all done . IT DRIVES ME NUTS ! ! Even for him to have a dinner with us at the dinner table , his gaming takes president over us . I did not write what is listed above . I , Jillian , have not been on this page in a long time . Been in the hospital actually . Decided to come on today to relax and read and I see another Jillian wrote that message . Maybe that 's her name …… maybe not . I am betting it 's psycho Molly impersonating me . Either way , wanted you to know it wasn 't the Jillian usually on here . on September 1st , 2011 AMEN SISTER ! ! ! ALLELUIA ! ! ! Someone who gets it and understands . There are days that I really wish the Calgon bubble would take me to a place where everything is serene and quiet ! ! ! Hang in there and have solace you 're not alone . Glad to know my children also haven 't given me PRIVACY in the restroom in three years and counting … big ugh ! ! ! But Girlfriend you 're not alone and US MOMMIES NEED TO STICK TOGETHER ! ! ! Thank you for keeping it real … on September 3rd , 2011 I have one child , a husband and full time - outside the home - job . I know mommy meltdowns like the back of my hand . THANK YOU ! ! ! Thank you for letting it be ok to have them , not being afraid to admit it and thank you for you humor in the situation . There are times , people make you feel guilty for mom moments like this . There are times I am seriously waiting for my head to spin around and backwards latin come spewing from my mouth … so to know I am not alone in my " OMG I 30 mins " moments , is a relief . Thank you for being so honest about real life . on September 3rd , 2011 My very first Mom meltdown was just under nine years ago when one of my babies ( then a 3 - month - old twin - now 9 years old ) started to cry . The infant need was a perfectly normal communication from a baby . It was that three hour " I need some food / sleep / diaper change " cycle that just knocked me down finally . I think my brain really did melt a little because I just froze in my living room and my feet couldn 't move ( even though a baby was crying and asking for a parent ) and I started to cry myself . I think many parents can relate to that 90 day mark - you are at your most exhausted ( you don 't know the schedule is just about to improve ! ) . I think , inside my head , I was suffering from an incredulous case of " WHAT ? ! " " I just did this 90 minutes ago and it just keeps repeating ! " I think the way it felt at the time was that whatever I did an hour and a half before must have just not worked because here was a baby needing me again , into INFINITY ! I really snapped , evidenced by my glued to the floor feet . I went into my bedroom to fetch my sleeping husband how somehow knew this was no normal meltdown . He called in sick that day , we went on a warm , Fall , stroll with our babies , had coffee together at a local spot , and I enjoyed both his company , but the help of caring for only one baby at a time ! I was much better ! ! I know my example probably gives Moms and Dads of " singletons " little to use for help on Mom meltdown because it might be hard to relate to having TWO at once . But the take - home to any parent is GET SOME HELP , even if just for minutes and day ! After that I hired a local teen to come to my home during my husband 's work hours - for two hours , only twice a week , ( which was all I could afford ) . She held a baby , played with both for a short time - while I also hid in the bathroom , and sometimes helped with folding laundry . I have to say : I don 't know how single parents do it ! ! ! ! ! ( my hat off to you ! ) I have NOT solved the " why are you in the bathroom " syndrome yet . My five year old ( kid # 3 ) still does it but I 'm working on that . My dog knows better ! ! ! ! ! Cheers , Tess on September 3rd , 2011 Wow , I can totally relate to this ! I was actually able to take a shower by myself the other day and I enjoyed it so much ! I thought to myself , " How sad is it that I can get so much enjoyment out of just being able to shower alone ! " How I wish those moments happened more often ! Ha ha ! on September 3rd , 2011 OMG ! ! ! I am having one of those days today . My parents are flying in today and my mom is MONK . Such an OCD cleaner . My 2 . 5 year old is in a dumping mood . I clean , she destroys . After playing this game all morning I called my mom and said , My house looks like crap , you will have to deal with it . I am not bending over to pick up one more damned thing . I need a shower and since I am home alone with Kate , I know I will have company in there too . OOOO Girl 's night tomorrow with Tammy is going to be so fun . on September 3rd , 2011 As I am reading this and having a mom melt down my son comes over and says what 's for lunch ( this is promptly after finishing breakfast ) . SERIOUSLY , is there any time alone ? Great to know I am not the only one . on September 3rd , 2011 I 'm a mom of 3 and a stepmom of 4 , work full time , have 2 dogs , a cat , and keep the house together . Meltdowns are a common part of my life . I used to feel like a failure because I needed " me time " and none of my other parent friends ever mentioned it . It seems like it 's the taboo of parenthood . Now , however , I realize how much better I am for taking that time , even if it 's only an hour a week , where temporarily my name is not " Mama " . I was a single mom for 8 years , and it was tough doing it all on my own . But once a week , usually on Sunday afternoons , I would hire a sitter and go read at Barnes and Noble for an hour . Now that I 'm remarried , my husband sometimes removes his invisibility cloak and takes the kids off my hands . Otherwise , they shoot right past him on their way to ask me to get them something , to fix something , to find something … how do they not see him sitting right there ? I would not trade my life as a mother for anything . I fully embrace it : the tantrums ( mine and theirs ) , the exhaustion , the worry , the gnawing anxiety that I 'm not doing it right , and the joy , the wonder , the random hugs and spontaneous kisses . I love it all . I just love it more some days than others . on September 3rd , 2011 where do i begin im the mom of 5 and the stepmom of 2 , gavin is 2 jake is 3 aiden is 4 lola is 5 becca is 5 lillianna is 11 and andrew is 17 … . i do get showers alone but going to the bathroom . . like why do they need to talk to me then so my rule ? unless u are bleeding uncontrollably u do not bother me the bathroom its my office i tell them . i take mommy time outs sometimes in there if im ready to pull out my hair i take my people magazine in the bathroom sit on the side of the tub and tell the kids i have tummy cramps that stears them away haha and i sit there for 2 or 3 minutes then someone cries and i go see what happened but those 2 min of people magazine is my sanity … on September 3rd , 2011 I was laughing and crying while trying to read this ! About half way through my daughter came over , shut the laptop and took my hands to drag me away to some serious game of pretend . Motherhood is constant sacrifice ! But , also a joy ! on September 3rd , 2011 Here 's your wake up call . You can 't do it all . Hire a qualified babysitter three days a week for a couple of hours . Where you can go and do something for yourself . The third day go on a date with the fiancee . No offense but he needs to take some responsibility . Since this is your only child you should enroll them in play time with others for a few hours a week . I did and my son is well adjusted , high honor roll . This time management makes me a better mother . on September 3rd , 2011 I absolutely loved this blog and all of the comments . This is one of the first times I 've felt like I 'm not the only mom who doesn 't love " being Mom " 24 hours a day , seven days a week . Whenever I tell a friend or co - worker that somedays I just need a vacation alone , they look at me like I 'm crazy or a bad mom just for thinking it . So glad to know I 'm semi - normal . Luckily , I have a husband that completely understands , as he has had his share of Daddy meltdowns too . We work opposite schedules so that our kids don 't have to be in daycare . Me in the morning and him at night . My daughter even told her school class that the one gift in the world her Mommy would love for Xmas is " peace and quiet " . Awesome . Hang in there everyone ! ! on September 3rd , 2011 I have five children ages 11 to 4 and let me tell you - I gave up on privacy years ago ! ! I also teach kindergarten ! I absolutely love my children - all of them - home and school but I would love to escape some nights and run away to a hotel to be alone ! ! My 7 year old asked when I was ever going to drink my ' special pop ' in the fridge since New Year 's Eve and I had to say I just don 't have time . LOL I tried to go to bed early , early the last couple of nights and let 's see … last night Hudson and Matthew decided to flip on the light and bounce on my bed to tell me about a new friend and that they were thirsty . They actually passed the kitchen to get to my room . Then my husband came to bed and I said where is the baby ? He goes , What he can 't stay up a while and play ? I said , Alone ? ? ! ! No ! ! ! I had to get up and get everyone in bed while my husband lay in there playing fruit ninja on his iPad . LOL AAAGGGHH . But , I wouldn 't trade any of them for anything in the world . I love them with all my heart and soul ! ! But once in a while it would be nice to eat , sleep , and pee without an audience . LOL on September 3rd , 2011 Although I don 't have children , I do have step kids and grand kids . I set up a deal with my daughter - in - law . One day every other week , I go over at 7 : 00 a . m . and stay till her husband comes home . She can go out , stay in , take a two hour bath , have a glass of wine for lunch , whatever she wants , but the kids know it 's Grandma 's day and that it 's my privilege to be the go - to one for that day . If you can afford it , you might want to hire a one - day - a - week " nanny " or maybe exchange running errands for someone for child care for a day . My daughter - in - law swears this has saved her sanity more than once , and I love it ! ! on September 3rd , 2011 I can SO relate … I have a 21 month old ( who is extremely high energy ) and an 8 week old . And a 29 year old - that 's my child / husband - or so it feels like . I LOVE doing fun things for my family … but I like to have people do fun things for me too … it doesn 't even have to be fun . Just find something for yourselves to do and give me some peace . I 'm back to work on Tuesday after 8 weeks of maternity leave , so it 's bound to get worse before it gets better … but a girl can dream . The husband at work , and both boys are napping . The house is a disaster and the laundry piled up … but I think I 'll take a nap . I feel so guilty … but I 'm going to do it anyways … for my sanity . on September 3rd , 2011 I loved reading your blog ! ! ! I am currently a full time student , mom , and wife ! I have 3 children ( one is a teen and the other two are 10 and 8 ) between trying to clean house , make sure homework is done and the kids are fed and bathed it can be exhausting ! I laughed so hard when I read your blog because it took me back to when I was ready to just blow up and go on a vacation without telling anyone just so I could have my alone time : ) . Now , it doesn 't even get to that point . If my kids start yelling Mmmmmoooooooooommmmmmmm i yell back their name until they come up and ask me for something . When they ask and I feel it is something they can do I just mimic the question back until they get it ( I usually laugh at this point in time ) . I understand they cannot do everything but I refuse to do everything when they can do it or my hubby help out and do it . Sometimes , I yell out their name and when they come to me I will say " Oh , I just wanted to see if you were going to come " . They get upset but they realize when they call me it should be important . My mom used to do the same thing to me and my four sisters . We quickly realized if we could do it , it was better to do it than waste our mothers time . Every now and again my mom will call and say , " Oh , just wanted to see if you were home " and hang up . I still laugh so hard it brings me to tears because now I completely understand why she did what she did . on September 3rd , 2011 As I read your blog , I have realized I am normal . I was starting to wonder . In a world where us mothers are trying to LOOK NORMAL … . . inside my head something was telling me I was not . You have almost described a day in my life … . . As the Mother of a seven year old boy and four year old twins , I can 't wait for them to turn 6 , so I can lock the bathroom door . I still don 't have that luxury , being a Single Mom . My issue is I have only been raising them alone for the last months . . and I have to be the Disciplinarian one minute , and the Fun parent the next … . and put my daughter on timeout , while I am hugging the other twin who just got a bubu . I decided to make financial decisions and compromises … and not work , and just be a stay at home Mom this year , in order to Be here for them in this period of change . I thought it was going to be Better … . However , I was questioning that decision until I read your Blog . IT IS OK . IT is normal , It is called Being a Mother . A caring Mother . If we did not care , we would not feel so guilty . My Mommy Meltdown moments are often . My kids call it the Witch Mom . When they see my face … . they tell me … " Mom … ok ok … we will behave … Witch Mom is about to show up " I found it disrespectful at first … . but now I even think It helps … a It is a waring that I am LOOSING my patience , and I just take a minute and BREATH … and try to find solutions , other than " GO TO YOUR ROOM " . Which , by the way , does not work anymore . In between School , swimming , dance , robotics , basketball , I have no time , and with no help from husband , the one who has to do it is ME or ME . I feel blessed with friends , actually , lucky as they are playdates , but us Mothers are GOod friends . As my children 's Father used to say , I am " ALlergic to exercise " … . I am aware I need to find something to have a me time . THat was work … as it used to include traveling and that was my breather . I love massages and movies … and I miss those . At least somewhat … . PLAY SPA NIGHT … Where we put candles in my bedroom … and my daughers give me a massage … but they are not allowed to speak during the massage is over . Payment is usually in the form of a candy . THEY LOVE IT … and I get at least 30 minutes of bliss … and silky skin ! ! THe only down is that I have to sing Happy Birthday to every single candle I light UP ! ! ! SATURDAY SCARRY MOVIE NIGHT . Popcorn and hot cocoa . . in the sofa bed in the living room . . THe one rule … we are not allowed to speak , ijust like at the theater … . and I pick the movie … THey have watched a couple of REALLY SCARY ONES . . which are my favorite . . … as jurassic park … but since they KNOW FOR SURE THAT EVERYTHING ON TV IS NOT TRUE … . they don 't make much of it , and are not traumatized . ( I hope and pray ) … For now its my life , I embrace it , I THank God everyday the are in my life , and I feel good when I know others are struggling like I am … as It makes me feel like I AM NORMAL . IT IS OK . THEY WILL GROW UP SOMEDAY . AND Hopefully , they will remember what I have done for them and not send me to a Retirement home at 60 ! ! ! on September 3rd , 2011 My kids are grown now 28 and 30 . I remember sitting in the bathroom once when they were small , and my son , 4 or 5 standing outside the door , knocking and knocking and knocking - Mom , Mom , Mom , Mom , Mom . And me - in a minute , in a minute , go away , in a minute , go away … Just 5 minutes … Try to really live in the moment , enjoy the chaos , really … force yourself to enjoy the chaos , because this too shall end . It WILL end . All too soon , and you will never have these moments back . on September 3rd , 2011 My 3 - year - old : " Mom , what are you doing ? " Me : " I am cleaning up the ketchup that you just finger - painted with all over the walls . " Her : " Why ? " on September 3rd , 2011 AMAZING post ( s ) ! I felt like I was the only one who was going to just LOSE it lately ! And I only have a thirteen - month - old ! But I was returned to work this week and I have cried about something every day . Reading this and everyone 's responses have me feel so much better . Not that I want others to be miserable , but because now I know that my feelings are normal . Thank you 🙂 on September 3rd , 2011 I LOVED , LOVED … your blog ! ! The comments from other moms are so refreshing to me ! ! We are not alone ! ! ! My favorite part about when you lock the door to the bathroom is when you see little fingers under the door … MMMOOOOMMMMMM ! ! ! Haha ! ! I 'm a wife , mother of 4 , part time graveyard shift worker and full time student ! I definitely can relate to the meltdown ! ! Good luck to you ! ! Good luck to all you other mom 's as well ! ! We all are rockstars ! ! on September 3rd , 2011 I loved reading this because I 'm in the middle of a mommy meltdown right now . I have a 7 month old and 5 days after I had him I went into congestive heart failure , then as soon as I went back to work I was laid off and have become a stay at home mommy . As my husband complains at the end of the day while he sits in his recliner , about how long his day was I am still on my feet making dinner , cleaning up after , making bottles so I get a little more sleep because my son still gets up 4 times a night , and maybe if I 'm lucky I get to bed before midnight . Then he springs on me 3 days before that he invited his entire family to come over for dinner . I feel ungratful sometimes when I 'm tired and just want 1 hour of quiet because I am blessed to even be here with them . It 's nice to know that I am not alone . on September 3rd , 2011 " The toddler / preschool season : The longest days and the shortest years " . I remember my brain feeling like a bowl of jello at the end of the day when I had a 1 year old and a 4 year old . One child approaching me with an empty juice cup . The other saying , " Mommy , I have a joke . What color is grass ? Green ! ! " There were many such " jokes " during that time . You try to laugh politely , but you really need alone time and you really need to talk to another adult sometimes ! Now my " babies " are 12 and 15 . The fifteen year old is occasionally coaxed out of his locked bedroom to talk - usually at supper time . Believe it or not , one day you 'll wish - if only for a few minutes or so , to be able to pick up your toddler , twirl them around and kiss them on the cheek . I have a 15 month old daughter , 2 puppies , and a very needy hubby . I totally relate to not being in the bathroom alone , I don 't even know why I close the door anymore , all the babies come in before I can even shut it . And shower , I forget the days when that was a private time , my daughter has figured out how to open the door and joins me clothes and all ! Even when I go to work my daughter comes with me which don 't get me wrong I wouldn 't have any other way , but its hard when she is with me 24 / 7 and daddy can 't even watch her so I can shower in privacy . I 've had 3 hair appoitments and 2 nail appointments that have had to be canceled because no one could watch the baby and I am almost to my breaking point . I am going to have to call the big guns in , Grandma 911 to the rescue , hopefully she won 't bail on me too : ) I 'm so glad to see I 'm not the only one in need of a little quiet time . on September 3rd , 2011 I am an only child . I have two children of my own . I have a 19 yr . old daughter and a 16 yr . old daughter . Also , I am now the full time caregiver of a 3 yr . old granddaughter . My oldest , her mother , has moved out and awaiting her own apartment . While she is out there trying to get herself together , I am taking care of her daughter full time . It has been a very long time since I have had to get up , before work , and get another person ready for school . On top of all this , I have arthritis and fybromyalgia , so , at times , it can be challenging . From the time we get up in the morning until I drop her off at preschool , all I hear is " Nana , Nana , Nana , Nana " . Then when I leave work to pick her up until bedtime , all I hear is Nana , Nana , Nana , Nana . I love her to pieces , but there have been times that I have just wanted to run outside , throw myself on the ground and just kick and scream . Oh , and believe me , I know exactly what you are talking about when it comes to no privacy in the bathroom . Whether it is to use the pot or take a shower , all I am hearing is Nana , Nana , Nana , Nana . My girls are the joy of my life but there are those days that I just want to run away . on September 3rd , 2011 Please take the time ( every 3 months ) to set boundaries on your time and chores . Do this proactively - before you have your meltdown . Be the loving CEO of your family and don 't allow yourself to get stretched too thinly across activities , chores , etc . You are obviously a wonderful mother , wife , and pet owner - setting boundaries will help establish a routine of boundaries . And it 's the most loving thing to do for your loved ones ; teach them to care for themselves and to set boundaries in their future relationships . on September 3rd , 2011 Seriously , mommys never get sick days , and how many times do I have to tell my husband whether or not the dishes in the dishwasher are dirty or not . I mean is it THAT hard to look . When you ask my little girl what different animals say and she tells you , when you ask her what daddy says , she says " Honey " and what Mommy says is " What , What ? ! " on September 3rd , 2011 Thank you sooo much again for the read ! I don 't know how many times I 've read your blog and can relate . It has to be said and it 's so true ! Every one of us mom 's needs a little peace & quiet from time to time , space , some privacy … especially in the bathroom ! Lol ! Hope you got yours ! on September 3rd , 2011 Ha ! I 've contemplated faking sick so I could just lay in bed all day . Then I remembered moms aren 't allowed to get sick ! Some days the first thing that I think about when I wake up is when I can go back to sleep ! on September 3rd , 2011 It never really ends , I haven 't had a private bathroom moment or a good night 's sleep in 10 years . I 've taken to making announcements like " I 'm going to the bathroom now give me 10 minutes . " Sometimes I just sit in my car , usually after I 've driven around the corner . It 's always something being a mom , the greatest job in the world and the hardest . But when your kids give you a hug for no reason but that you 're mom , it 's all worth it . on September 3rd , 2011 Thanks for such an honest , refreshing entry ! I love being a mom and a wife more than anything , but had one of these meltdowns you describe Friday afternoon . We recently moved cross country with our 2 year old daughter and my husband has been working long hours at his new job . Between our two pups , potty - training a toddler , freelance writing and cooking and cleaning I just needed FIVE minutes to myself - to pee , to brush my teeth to have a sip of iced coffee . I laughed out loud during parts of your blog . . and nodded my head in agreement during other parts . Thanks for making me feel like I 'm not alone on an " off " day ! on September 3rd , 2011 My two sisters and I had our babies two months apart from the other . One sister lives in the same town as me and we share a nanny . Our nanny was sick so I had to watch both kids that day , my son was 5 mos . And my niece was 7 mos . They needed my constant attention that day , normally they are fine by themselves . Well this day I finally was able to heat up a bag of popcorn at 3p , ( this is all I had to eat all day ) my son was napping and my niece was now waking up . She was whining and I told her we needed to have a talk ! I told her that she was lucky that she had someone to feed her when she was hungry and play with her . I don 't have anyone to feed me when I 'm hungry and that she should let me have some peace . She looked at me and put her hand on my shoulder like she understood ! Haha , and I realized I was talking to a 7 month old and she had no idea what I was feeling ! on September 3rd , 2011 I was having the exact same day today after not having any privacy or time to myself since my daughter was born ( the last 10 months ) . I freaked out on my husband whom I asked to do the morning routine so that I could sleep past 6 for once . I heard nothing but crying , rumbling , and noise downstairs , I couldn 't sleep and completely lost it . I just want one day to be by myself , sleep as long as I want and do what I want w / out having to worry about others . It does make me feel better than I 'm not the only one feeling this way . Thank you for writing this ! on September 3rd , 2011 My daughter is 13 & I still have mommy meltdowns ! The last one was a week ago . I had been asking her to clean her room ( properly , not just hiding everything under the bed or in the closet & corners ) for about a couple weeks . Each time she would sort of clean but not fully & I 'd lightly scold her and take away privileges . Last Friday , she still had not fully cleaned her room & I came home to her sitting in front of the tv not even listening to a word I had to said . She then asked when I would take her to her friends house for a sleepover . I snapped ! I grabbed the remote , turned the tv off , marched her upstairs to her room , and stood in the doorway as I made her write down every single area that needed to be cleaned . Her list was even itemized down to " clean off the top of your dresser , nothing should be up there besides your clock , and jewelry box " , and " after the top of your dresser is cleaned , empty and organize your drawers individually . Each drawer should only contain one type of clothing unless it 's your undergarments drawer " . It took her 3 days to fully clean her room 10 ′ x 8 ′ room because of the pauses to read a magazine , or play with whatever toy she was putting away . After me hounding her for 3 days in a row to do one task ( and being grounded for a few days ) , you would think she 'd be on her best behavior , but no . I asked her to do her daily chore of emptying the dishwasher and not only did I get a huff & a puff , but she tried to argue why it was so imperative she finish listening to the song on the radio ( as if it would never play ever again ) , and she told me she 'll do it later that evening . Oh hell no is the only thing that went through my head . I ended up in my bedroom with the door locked ( which I never do ) and sat there in complete silence for an hour . She tried to knock and and asked what she could do now that the dishes were put away , but all I could do was say " Mom needs some quiet time right now . As long as you don 't get on the tv , Wii , computer or phone , and you stay inside , I could care less . Just leave me alone until I come out " . Best hour I can remember spending in who knows how long . And @ erica , we are living parallel lives and your complaints absolutely mirror my own . I have 4 kids whom I love dearly and completely , but the fighting between them is literally nonstop at times . It 's exhausting . And I 've decided that you are really not in a good position to enjoy your kids fully while you are raising them … . you 're too busy worrying about them , their homework , their activities , the groceries , dinner , the bills that need paid , the house that needs cleaned , your own job , and heaven help you if you have a husband who expects attention . I have all of the above and there are many days I 'm not sure I can do it any more . Posts like these , and the comments that follow , help reinforce that I 'm not the only one who is overwhelmed a good bit of the time . Thanks for that . I 'm learning to take some time for myself , not only because I need it but because I deserve it , as a person who is separate and apart from the wife and mother that I am the majority of the time . So looking forward to a few days away with some girlfriends at the end of this month ! ! on September 3rd , 2011 Reading this blog made me laugh . I so know how she is feeling . It is nice to see that I am not alone . I have three beautiful daughters , 8 , 7 , and 11 months . The baby will actually be 1 in about 2 weeks . I love my girls to death . Also , I love my husband of 10 years dearly . But I do have to take a shower or go to sleep just to get some peace . I take long showers on purpose . Not only am I a mom , I work full time , and go to school . You know during the week it is crazy . I help with homework with the girls , do my homework for school , soccer practice twice a week , dance class one night a week . Oh yeah and work is in there as well . Weekends consist of cleaning the house because you know there was not time during the week for that and after soccer and dance the house looks like a tornado has hit it . Doing the laundry , dishes , feeding everyone and making uniforms are clean and pressed for school for the week ahead . And the soccer games will begin shortly so there goes part of my Saturday 's . It is a miracle I even have the time to comment on this blog , but my wonderful husband did help with the household chores today so that was nice . My small moments of peace are in the restroom , the shower , and the short drive in the morning from the daycare to work which is like three blocks away . I love my family more than life , however , mommies need a little peace every once in a while . You know just one day here and there . on September 3rd , 2011 I can so relate with the bathroom situation . I haven 't been in the bathroom without someone coming in for at least 13 years now . I have 3 kids ranging from 13 to 3 and I don 't ever get time to myself . When you tell someone you need time alone they look at you and say but you wanted to be a mom . Like that decision meant never having alone time again . Everyone needs a breather ! on September 3rd , 2011 I have been having frequent mom meltdowns lately . Being a full time mom , wife and working 40 + hours at a CRO for the past 19 months has finally caused me to snap . My husband , while very hands on , does not give our son baths , ready for bed , sooth hit terrors … I feel like an unappreciated slave ! on September 3rd , 2011 ahhh ……… . . souds similar to the Nana meltdown . I work full time but take a day for all the grandkids to come over to give the mommies a break . The other day while I was in the bathroom , all 4 came in asking for apple juice . I looked at both 5 year olds , the 3 yr old and the 18 month old , and said " nana is about to go insane . " One of the 5 yr olds said " we can wait until you are insane . " and they turned around and left me alone for a couple minutes . But when I opened the door , there they were , " are you insane noe Nana ? " on September 3rd , 2011 Sometimes I wish to get the flu because that is THE only way I can be left alone . For most of the day anyway ! This honest post made me feel better . We all run to the bathroom for silence . I work because , well one , I need the money but also because tha the only way I can get adaily shower and two meals , and go to the bathroom anytime I want . on September 3rd , 2011 Elisabeth … . I so enjoyed your mom meltdown blog and can totally relate to it ! First off I want to say you are doing a fabulous job - but with that being said , you need a break every now and then to stay sane ! I would love to go to the bathroom or shower without someone following me , knocking on the door , calling my name , or using the special key to unlock the door so they can get in ( my husband - which means kids follow behind ) . And the thing is … . . nobody in the house understands … . they think I 'm nutty when I start getting frazzled over not getting to pee for a minute without interruption ! Motherhood is a priceless experience … . but so is private time in the bathroom … LOL ! ! on September 3rd , 2011 I have a mommy / wife meltdown e - v - e - r - y - d - a - y … sometimes more than once . I 'm married , but sometimes I wonder if that helps me or hinders . My husband is there to play with the kids , but not much else . He is very quick to tell me , right when I 'm in the middle of something , that our 1 yr old should have her diaper checked . He helped more with our son , now 4 years old , but NOTHING with our daughter , the 1 year old . He doesn 't discipline well , and sometimes even goes as far to say " honey ! ( our son ) just ( insert something awful ) . You 'd think I 'd be relieved when he comes home from work so he can help watch the kids , but sometimes he goes into his home office to do other work and I 'm STILL left alone to do everything . OR , he 'll play with the kids and then I 'll have an even WORSE mess to deal with afterwards , than had he not been involved . He 's always harping on me for not doing things in a more timely fashion when it comes to dinner or kids bedtimes , though perhaps if he 'd be more help things might happen sooner . So , sometimes having a " partner " isn 't such a blessing , sad to say . I have NO time to myself … toilet , shower , laundry in the basement . There was a time when I could slip out to the store for a quick moment , but now my 4 yr old always want to tag along . He 's become very needy . And forget bedtime … when I was in the hospital for a few days before I gave birth to my second child and my husband stayed at home with our son , it was " easier " for him to put our son to bed with him , rather than take the time to put him to bed in his own bed ! ! ! Guess where our son sleeps now . It 's been a year and a half of this . Having talks about bunkbeds has helped get him used to the idea of sleeping again in his own room , that now he 'll be sharing with his sister . ( don 't bother making negative comments about how I should just kick him out of our room … that co sleeping is wrong , etc . I 'm more angry with my husband for starting this , rather than the fact that he 's in our room , and I will get him out but not cold turkey ) . on September 4th , 2011 I have raised four boys , three are now in their late twenties and one is turning eighteen . The secret to not having meltdowns is to split the parenting with the father . ( If available ) If not then have a relative or friend help out so that you can have breaks . People have to also learn to split the household chores . If no other parent is available ask friends and family to offer a " services day " instead of gifts for birthdays etc . This worked wonderfully for me and my husband over the years ! Remember each person needs time away and make sure you take it . You 'll be alot happier and so will your children . This will eliminate the cold water over babies heads ( which is actually abuse ) . Not criticising just hoping that people will take the time they need and ask for the help to avoid getting to that point . As others have pointed out some day you 'll miss all those days of children yelling Mom and needing you all the time . I know I miss them . Thank goodness for grandchildren ! 😉 on September 4th , 2011 I think her blogs are great . They 're so honest and raw . The only thing about this one is when she tends to go on about something for far too long . I have my " mom days " , and don 't we all ? But really after about an entire page of venting and complaining , I wasn 't ready to hear an entire second page . It 's all about knowing when enough is plenty . on September 4th , 2011 Thanks for this good read . I 'm at work , was complaining of chores and God heard me by reading your article . It made me feel better , a while ago I felt like a momster coz before going to work I snapped on my little boy , bad mom : ( I really feel guilty but I apologized already . Sometimes , we need to be reminded it 's just ok and it 's but normal to feel this way and the good news is , this too shall pass . As much as we want to be ready for it there will come a time that the momster in you will come out . I hope we will be mindful of it so we can learn how to control our emotions . Thanks Elisabeth ! You 're my hero for today . Bless you and your loved ones ! on September 4th , 2011 When I worked full - time , I at least had some time with adults during the day . However , trying to get everything done with a toddler , dog and husband running around in the evenings was totally crazy . Now , I work one day a week . I go for six days straight without a " mommy break " sometimes and it 's crazy . So , as much as I hate working out I go to the Y and put my daughter in the kid room while I just pedal on the exercise bike and read a magazine . I also left my daughter with her dad for a few hours the other night and went to dinner with a few other moms . Everyone needs a break sometimes ! This week , in my struggle to gain some of my identity back , I declared my living room OFF LIMITS ! I 've always judged women who don 't let kids into the living room … until now . SORRY ! I get it ! I just want to have a few candles , some of my glass decorations on display , and my favorite throw blanket on the couch without having it thrown on the floor and juice spilled on it ! on September 4th , 2011 I 've been there ! I have 5 year old and 3 year old girls , an aging pup who has always been " Mommy 's Boy , " and a military husband who works insane amounts of hours . I 'm also in school full - time and try to do whatever I can to help out where needed . There are days I barely manage to sit down before I hear " MOM ! MOMMY ! " There are days I want to change my name and identity - Witness Protection sounds amazing ! Luckily , I have a husband who understands and does what he can to give me a break . I live for my breaks … . With our first daughter , I thought I had to be Super Mom . I thought I had to do it all with no help . I had horrible post partum depression but I wouldn 't admit it . I had to do everything for our little girl and would ask for or accept help . I was mentally , physically , and emotionally exhausted . I felt like a failure all the time and sunk further and further into despair . I needed sleep , I needed help but I thought I was failing if I had it . Finally , my husband saw I needed a break and started insisting I sleep in on Saturday mornings . We were overseas at the time and his job was 24 / 7 , 365 , but he did what he could to give me those Saturday morning sleep ins . When we returned to the US and got pregnant again , he not only insisted I continue with our Saturday morning routine , but his job allowed it to be an all - day recharge session for me . It 's amazing what 24 hours of recharge does for your mental and physical state ! Every Saturday , I get to sleep in and recharge . My husband gets up with our girls and answers to their needs all day long . I don 't have to even remember I have children if I don 't want to , though of course , I 'm thrilled to be a mama . I sleep in , get recharged , relax , read , watch guilty pleasure TV programs - just veg and relax . A couple of times a day , I get food and drink and spend time with the girls - usually watching a movie from the comfort of our bed ( a big treat for the girls since our room is just for Mommy and Daddy ) . For dinner , we order in , barbeque , or go out to dinner . My husband takes care of bath , brushing , and bed for the girls while I indulge in a hot bath . After he tucks the girls in , my husband tucks me in and I blissfully sleep for the next 12 hours until Sunday morning when I give my husband the same sort of " recharge " day . It may sound selfish and it may sound indulgent , but just that quiet 24 hours is enough to recharge me and prep me for the week ahead . I know how lucky I am to have a husband willing and able to do this - and think this up on his own ! He 's amazing and I couldn 't ask for a better husband , partner , father , and friend . I can 't even begin to tell you how many of our friends have adopted recharge days . Needless to say , I look forward to Saturday all week …… ! on September 4th , 2011 THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS BLOG ! ! ! I can 't tell you how nice it was to read that and know that I 'm not going crazy ! I am most definitely having a mommy meltdown today ! Some days it is definitely hard to find the balance between being a mom and having time just for you . I have a 3 1 / 2 year old , a 10 month old , my husband and our dog ! Life is definitely busy , and finding time to yourself is definitely a rare occurrence ! But we all need it , and I think my day is coming real soon ! ! ! on September 4th , 2011 Instead of writing all of that to strangers while complaining about not having alone / away time from family , use that time as quiet time . You can write something as long as the Bible , so you had some time for yourself but you used it the wrong way . Get offline , parents ! on September 4th , 2011 I 'm not a mother but I am a stay at home dad . I absolutely love my eight month old son , Eliot , but I 'm having my own Daddy meltdown the last couple days . I 'm tired , extremely irritable and crabby ; I could use a day or two to decompress ! As guilty as we all feel , it 's important for us to take some time for ourselves . In the long run , it will only make us better parents and spouses ! on September 4th , 2011 Oh I have SO been there ! We have a rule in our house - when Mommy goes into the bathroom no one is allowed to bother me . Period . No knocking , no yelling through the door - I 'm completely off limits until I come out . No matter how long that may take . And my spouse supports that by reminding the children that I am to be left alone . As crazy as it sounds , the bathroom has become a bit of a refuge ( and oddly , a small comfort too ) . I also make sure that I regularly " steal " time for myself by going to my desk , putting on my headphones and letting everyone know they need to fend for themselves for a while . Whatever it is , can wait until I am ready to face them again . We all need a little time to ourselves and I don 't mind being selfish enough to claim what I deserve ! Don 't be afraid to regularly let those around you know that it 's time for you to have some space to yourself and to delegate it . I usually try to do that on the weekends at the very least , because during the week is too busy and I 'm too exhausted to do anything productive or useful for myself anyway . Good luck with finding some personal time - you 've definitely earned it ! on September 4th , 2011 Oh believe me , I have been there ! ! ! I don 't always have the luxury of my husband understanding that I need some time to myself . Usually when I 'm in a towering temper , he tells me to " Woosah . " Yeah , it doesn 't always work like that . I was taking a hot bath the other night and I specifically asked him to keep my 5 - year - old out . So about 15 minutes into my bath , here comes my daughter , unlocking the door . 😮 How did she get in there ? ? I still don 't know ! ! It just bugged me and ruined the essence of my bath . I think we as moms don 't get enough time to ourselves , even when the kids are in school because we are running around doing other stuff . It makes me wonder when I am going to get the rest I need ! ! on September 4th , 2011 Holiday , you sound like anything but that . Your rambling posts are the posts of a petulant child . Life isn 't a stress competition . We are all stressed from this or that doing the best we can . Since no one is in anyone else 's shoes it makes no sense to try to compare . on September 4th , 2011 I know that feeling all to well also . My kids were ten years apart and when daughter was born oh boy trouble in my house . Since this was my second child and my husbands first he thought I knew everything . on October 28th , 2011 Elisabeth - I know this post is a little old but I have been there and I am there right in this moment right now ! ! I run two businesses plus help my husband run his two . I also have 2 children one is 8 and one is 5 . There is no me time anymore I can 't go to bathroom in piece can 't take a shower in piece I can 't even make it through one night without being woke up for more juice or a nightmare or something along those lines . I haven 't slept in what seems like since my first child was born . This is a regular occurance for me but I have to explain my frustration in today 's post . Agghhh Halloween a time when our little children think they have a right to act like little goblins . I mean let 's face it we allow them to dress like anything they want during this time of year . Let me set the scene … so my daughter who is 5 decides she wants to be Tinkerbell for Halloween ( of course one week before Halloween ) . I have asked for months what she wants to be and as a child she has named everything under the sun and back again . Now I told her you have to tell me and can 't change it because Halloween is next week . Okay fine she says I want to be Tinkerbell . I was ecstatic , overjoyed if you will as I finally had her final decision . So we start the task of looking online and of course we don 't see one to our liking . Now mind you every year up until this year I have made her an over the top elaborate costume each Halloween . So this year was no exception . I spent 2 days putting together this costume since she was having a party today in class so I had to get it done in 2 days . For the last 3 nights I have been crawling into bed no later than 1 am only to be woke from my slumber for bad dreams and drink detail . I get this Tinkerbell costume done I was patting myself on the back it was this gorgeous tutu halter dress in different shades of green . Whith gorgeous detail work , she has the wings that match perfect , I made a tutu puff ball wand and the little white puffs to go on her shoes , I also pickeSo then I think well hey I can go get her a costume at Target something that she can make it through the day in and who cares if it gets ruined because she isn 't wearing it for Halloween . Then it was back and forth with my husband on if that was a good idea or not . I even emailed her teacher to explain why she might be a little sad ( totally out of the ordinary for my daughter at school ) . I got a response from her teacher stating that there were only 2 kids in her class today who didn 't wear a costume ( and of course mine is one out of the two ) and that yes , she was sad . So I decided that was it I have to come to her rescue . So my mom who was already at Target picked up a cute witch costume and shoes and came and grabbed me and we take off to the school feeling like super hero 's coming to save the day ! We get there and they are on recess so we were able to steal her away without disrupting the class . We take her to the bathroom and get her changed at first she was super excited to see us and was happy we came to her rescue . Then we get the costume on she looks adorable and we are heading to her class . Okay great crisis over I felt great again like a good mom . Then I hear " I don 't want to wear this " . I look at her in udder shock and awe and say " what , what do you mean you don 't want to wear it " . Then we have a major melt down . And I don 't mean a go sit and count to ten melt down . I mean a 10 on the Richter scale , a all " hell " is breaking loose fire in the hole melt down . Of course this is all going on in the very quite hall right out side of her classroom , which at this time has already been back in session . I couldn 't believe my eyes my sweet daughter turned into the exorcist in 2 . 2 seconds right before my eyes . Not to mention I was trying to do this quick and quietly not to " disrupt " her class in the first place . I wanted to hide , I wanted to crawl into a large deep hole and hide . Of course the aides that help out at the school are all coming over to " assist " with the situation . WPrivacy Policy
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Blurb : An eye for an eye . Bailey Russell is an assassin on an Artemis Agency assignment that is both business and personal : take out Amir Fahad , the arms dealer , who killed her partner . She 's put together an ideal plan that includes using herself as bait . Grieving the loss of her former partner and her team 's faith in her she vows the only way this mission ends is in death : hers or Fahad 's . A dangerous web they weave . British Intelligence Operative , Ben Ambrose , is married to his job . And for the past three months that has meant living undercover as part of Fahad 's crew . Three month 's work blown when he feels compelled to risk his life to protect Bailey and her friends from Fahad 's men . The best laid plans . Bailey 's plan ruined . Ben 's cover blown . Their entire professional lives consist of lies and subterfuge , but there 's one thing Bailey and Ben can 't hide from each other , their growing attraction . Still , each wants to complete their mission at all costs : personal and professional . Payback 's a bitch and this time her name is Bailey . Ben stood from his chair and scooped up his bag as he moved toward her . " Me , too . " He dropped the bag next to the bed , pulled one gun out , and sat next to her on the cot . Bailey shot him an odd look . " What are you doing ? " He leaned back , brushing her arm as he did so , and pulled his long legs up , maneuvering them around her until he lay flat on the cot . He moved close to the wall . Ben let out a snort . " I carried that guy , too . " He patted the small space next to him . " But I can share if it means that much to you , " he said with a grin . She shot off the bed lightning fast , standing straight up , and staring down at him with her mouth slightly agape . She got his full meaning all right . He still didn 't trust her at all , that was the truth , but he was game for getting some things out of the way and off his mind once and for all . She was a distraction . He found himself thinking about her , looking at her , when his thoughts should be elsewhere . If he could have her now , satiate his growing need of her and be done with it , then he 'd be able to focus . He 'd be able to take a step back and see something other than her . He slid his gun under his pillow and caught her eyes again . She looked hot when she was angry . Her face was flushed , her eyes were wide , and she was breathing hard , trying to regain some composure . She was fuming mad . She was strong ; she dragged a buck seventy - five of dead weight over sand . But Ben couldn 't shake the idea that she 'd feel warm and soft anyway . She was lean but curved in all the right places just the same . He locked eyes with her , and his slow perusal of her body only seemed to infuriate her more . " Get out of my bed , " she bit out . Ben lay on his back , but his eyes were very much on Bailey , the gun under his pillow still held firmly in his grasp . He looked casual as if his head was resting on his bicep , but he was still at the ready . " I 'm tired and going to sleep now . " " That 's it . " Bailey stood and grabbed up the second gun from his bag . Ben never turned . " Drop it now . " His deep voice was quiet . " Absolutely not . " Bailey moved to sit in the chair he had abandoned . Her finger pointed accusingly at him . " You 've got one on me , and I figure it 's only fair . " She loudly slid the table closer to her , scraping the floor , and propped her legs up on it trying to find a comfortable position . She waved his gun back at him with a smile . " Neither do I . " He turned only his head to look at her . " You pinch my gun and expect me to be okay with it ? " His quiet voice and narrow eyes pinned her . " Fuckin ' hell . " Everything had to be a fight with her ! She even had his accent slipping he was so fed up . Princess is too good to share a damn bed ? Or more specifically too good to share his bed ? Then she took one of his guns . She probably can 't even hold the thing more than a few minutes . He was sure she was used to her little toy weapons and not that big piece of steel , dwarfing her hand . She lounged back awkwardly on the chair with the table under her feet . It looked uncomfortable . Yet , that stubborn arse was sitting there practically smiling , pretending to be happy as a pig in shit . He moved his calloused thumb silently up , sliding the safety of his gun up with a soft metallic click . The quiet yet distinctive sound surprised him from his thoughts . Thoughts of regret . He should have shot her when he had the chance , free and clean . Done . His hand and mind were of an accord before he was even aware of thinking it . And he was right ; the gun was far too big for her hand . He watched her reach for the safety with her thumb and fall short before having to do it two handed . She dropped her head down on the back of the chair as if going to sleep now . " You 're disgusting , " she mumbled . Ben let out a contented sigh from the bed . " I wouldn 't feel too bad , sweetheart . It 's a lot to handle . You just need practice . " About the Author : Virginia Brasch , author of Retribution , the first book in the Artemis Series is making her writing debut . The married Pennsylvania native has an inherited love of books . Virginia was tired of reading stories about helpless damsels in distress and started writing about her own kind of heroine . She snorts when she laughs , has an unfortunate fondness for karaoke , a growing collection of books , and is drawn always to the sea . She was also once hit in the head by a small sailboat 's boom and tossed overboard . This taught her the importance of expecting the unexpected . She enjoys dirty jokes and swears like a sailor though claims to be " * * * * ing working on it . " Virginia is an adventurer who lives a wildly exciting life . Afraid to fly , she travels infrequently . She gets excited to spend a night in reading or snuggle up watching a movie with her husband . She likes hanging out with her mom or tentatively venturing out with girlfriends , lured by promises of wine and laughing until it hurts . " Life is short . Have fun while you 're here . " She writes suspense with a romantic kick and fully believes heroines should be a bit brash . For more romantic suspense fun , or just for a chat , you can find Virginia on twitter ( @ Virginia _ Brasch ) , Facebook ( https : / / www . facebook . com / VBrasch ) , and her website ( http : / / virginiabrasch . wordpress . com / ) . She encourages readers to go ahead and be a little bit Brasch . Face it , long distance relationships in high school are hard , especially when the other one in the relationship is an alien . Alex Bianchi may have survived an intergalactic battle , but that still doesn 't excuse her from her senior year of high school , or qualify her for any sort of scholarship . To make up for college tuition costs , she takes a job at a local coffee shop . If only coffee could solve all of her problems . As Alex 's senior year progresses , everything changes and she can 't figure out if it is interstellar or if it is just time to break up with an alien . So now that Alex and Ace have avoided an alien invasion by agreeing to get married , what 's a girl to do ? Well , she goes back to high school to finish her senior year of course . Alex still has to graduate and finish college according to the peace treaty that betroths her to her hottie alien boyfriend . Now that Alex is back in the land of boring humans , she 's once again the goofy geek instead of the kick ass extra - terrestrial fighter . So she endures the usual torture from mean girl Gemma at school , but finds some solace at her new barista job when she meets her co - worker Simone . Finally a BFF ! I mean how AWESOME is that ? Ace can so beam into my room anytime . Did I say that out loud ? Ok , so anyway Alex 's life is all happy and wonderful . Until Ace starts " running late " all the time . And Brody wants to be more than just friends . And maybe Alex doesn 't want to give up on her dream of going to Columbia . What 's a girl to do ? I don 't know , maybe break up with an alien ? WHAT ! ? ! I said maybe . Could it be possible that there is some sleep creep involved here ? I mean , Brody is getting a bit obsessive . And why on earth is Alex suddenly questioning her feelings for Ace ? She loves Ace ! And who wouldn 't want to be the next Princess of Calta ? There is the whole future mother - in - law from hell that is totally against the alien / human marriage . Could she really stoop so low as to use her sleep creepiness to try to break the treaty ? No worries , Ace is coming to town to help . And to meet Mom ! And Grandpa ! And wow , Ace sure looks a lot like one of Grandpa 's old war buddies . Eeeep ! As much as I loved this book , I have to admit that I really missed the aliens . There are a few here and there , but no one floats in goo , no purple people eater gets to duke it out with an invisible octohippo , and there is no phoning home . We do get to meet Monte ( who needs his own book ) , but How to Break Up with an Alien reads slightly more YA contemporary . It 's still fun and quirky , and the whole beaming thing is just hot , but I hope we get to see some more E . T . s in the next installment . So will they make it ? Or will Alex find out that breaking up with an alien is hard to do ? You 'll have to read it to find out . Magan Vernon is a Young Adult and New Adult writer who lives with her family in the insurance capital of the world . She is in a very serious , fake relationship with Adam Lambert and constantly asks her husband to wear guyliner . He still refuses . She also believes her husband is secretly an alien , disguised as a southern gentleman . High school senior Alex Bianchi 's estranged father gets her an internship at Circe Operations Center to pad her college applications . But Circe isn 't your typical military base . It 's an alien - run operation center and not all of the aliens are friendly , especially the one that tries to kill Alex on her first day . When Ace , a dark - eyed Caltian , enters and saves the day , she can 't help but be drawn to him . Can these star - crossed lovers survive when they 're on the brink of intergalactic war ? I 'm on a total alien binge , so when I heard about this book I couldn 't wait to read it . I wasn 't disappointed . It is funny , sweet , full of aliens , and Ace is just YUM ! I have to say , the day before I started reading this I went to see the movie Monsters Vs . Aliens , so I couldn 't stop picturing B . O . B , Dr . Cockroach and crew hanging around and giving a few high fives . I love how this story drips in sci - fi , but doesn 't take itself too seriously . Some of the aliens are bizarre and the interaction between the different species is fun . Meet Alex Bianchi , a somewhat geeky over achiever that needs something on her Columbia application to help her stand out . Extra curricular activities aren 't her thing , so thank goodness her dad works for the ultra - secretive government compound called Circe . Just mentioning an internship there gets the Columbia recruiter to perk up . One call to Alex 's estranged father and a summer at Circe awaits . Only Circe isn 't the military base Alex expected . It 's actually a huge compound , hidden in a mountain where aliens are housed . What the what ? ( Sorry , I 've been dying to use that . ) Leave it to poor Alex to give her dad the thumbs up the moment she steps inside the foreign little world , a sign that one should apparently never give in front of an alien . Just ask Alex as she 's nearly strangled to death by some slimy creature . But something or someone with gorgeous black eyes rescues her . The next thing she knows , she 's being treated by the Bug Man - a . k . a . an alien doc who I imagine looking like an orange roach ( see Dr . Cockroach above ) . Alex struggles to fit in with the rest of the interns . While she 's still in high school , they 're all in college and one in particular is angry that Alex only got the much sought after position thanks to her well - respected dad . Whatever , Alex has more important things to do , like report to her assignment in online security ! Hello Ace ! Best . Internship . Ever . Alex can 't help but notice her gorgeous supervisor , I mean hello guyliner ! What is guyliner you ask ? But those eyes , she 's seen those eyes before . And boy do those eyes follow her everywhere . Such as into the cafeteria where Alex almost become a punching bag for an alien smackdown . But thankfully those black orbs swoop in and save her . Wait ! That isn 't the first time ! Those black eyes that swallow her up saved her once before , the first day she arrived at Circe . Coincidence ? I think not . Alex and Ace dance around their growing attraction , after all humans and aliens don 't mix . But what if they do ? Well , there 's a few things about Ace Alex isn 't aware of and let 's just say falling in love with him could lead to the total annihilation of Earth . WHAT ? ! ? Bring on the mother ship , mix in some green goo I want to dive in to , and let the shenanigans begin . My only gripe with the story is it 's too short . I wanted more ! I wanted more interaction with Alex and the other interns . By the end of the book we 're supposed to believe that a few of these guys are willing to go way out on a limb for her . I just didn 't see it . It was like the friendship developed some behind the scenes . I also had a hard time believing Alex could just jump into a spaceship and pilot it into outer space all by herself . I know , I realize the whole bug aliens and green goo I had no problem with , but seriously how can the chick just jump inside a flying saucer and become an instant Maverick ? I still remember the first time I attempted to drive a stick shift . Let 's just say rolling half a mile down a hill backwards , into a ditch , with a screaming mother trying to jerk the steering wheel were involved . Maybe it 's just jealousy talking , but still . She was a computer nerd , it would have been more believable if she cracked some secret code and beamed herself aboard the mother ship . Just sayin . Overall this is a fun , quirky read . If you love aliens I 'm sure you will enjoy the humorous sci - fi elements and the swoon - worthy Ace . I read this book in a day and quickly jumped into the next two in the series . It 's addicting . On a side note , as I 'm writing this the news is reporting of a possible UFO landing in Boca Raton . Ace ? I 'm here ! Beam me up baby ! Magan Vernon is a Young Adult and New Adult writer who lives with her family in the insurance capital of the world . She is in a very serious , fake relationship with Adam Lambert and constantly asks her husband to wear guyliner . He still refuses . She also believes her husband is secretly an alien , disguised as a southern gentleman . Sang Sorenson and the Academy boys return to Ashley Waters High School but before they get a chance to even settle in , Sang 's life is threatened by an anonymous caller . They retreat to the protective walls of the Morgan estate , a safe house for when the boys are under fire . But when new threats can break through those barriers that once kept them secure , it leaves Kota , Victor , Silas , Nathan , Gabriel , Luke and North rushing to figure out who is hunting them . But when you 're fighting a ghost who seems to know all your secrets , retreating is no longer an option . The Academy , Deceptively Strategic . Ok , so I realize Jen already reviewed this one . BUT . . . I just had to say something too . I mean , just OMG . I love this series ! And oh my # TeamVictor , # TeamGabriel . . . . I 'm so at a loss . I 've always been a die - hard North girl , but I don 't know even Dr . Green is sneaking in there with such ease . The story keeps getting more intense with each book , and I found Drop of Doubt to be edge - of - your - seat great . I HATED having to put it down to you know . . . work , take care of the kiddos , all those real world things that totally get in the way . I needed to know what happened and waiting nearly killed me . I won 't go into any details because doing so just ruins the fun . But I will say there are some fantabulous Victor moments , some OMG Gabriel moments , and even a few Wha . . . hahahawt Dr . Green moments . My # TeamNorth self is jumping on board several teams at this point . I can 't forget our leading lady Sang . She is just Ah - MAZ - ing ! This girl has spunk and is loyal to the end . For someone so damaged , so confused , and so alone ( although not anymore ) , this girl has got fight in her . I 'm going to have to say the word failure is not in her dictionary because the girl never gives up and never gives in . You will be cheering her on in this book . Starcrossed , a Starstruck novel by Brenda Hiatt , is out now ! To celebrate the release we are happy to share an interview with Princess Emileia and Rigel Stuart as well as an excerpt from the book . Be sure to stay tuned to the end where there 's a giveaway as well ! The Starstruck adventure continues … Bri nodded , her long , dark curls bouncing . " That 's what Dad said , too . I didn 't even know they played basketball in Ireland ! But apparently it 's huge there . " " Ireland ? Really ? " I glanced at Rigel again , remembering something he 'd told me a while back , and saw he looked a little more interested . " Yeah , he and his family just moved here last - Ooh , that must be him ! " Bri broke off to point . Of course , we all looked . The new guy was definitely tall enough to play basketball , maybe three or four inches taller than Rigel . He was fair bordering on pale , with bright , copper - colored hair . Very good looking , though of course he couldn 't compete with Rigel in that department . Who could ? It looked to me like plenty of people - mainly girls - were already doing just that . Again I was reminded of Rigel 's first day , especially when I saw Trina Squires - cheerleader , flirt and bitch extraordinaire - saunter up to to the newcomer . Rigel and I followed Bri and Deb , since it seemed the nice thing to do . We were maybe halfway across the lunchroom when both of us stopped cold to stare at each other . I nodded . " I feel it , too . " It was the brath - the weird , almost electric vibe Martians sense when other Martians are nearby . Like what I 'd felt from those two tourist women yesterday . Brenda Hiatt is the author of nearly twenty novels ( so far ) , including traditional Regency romance , time travel romance , historical romance , and humorous mystery . She is as excited about her new STARSTRUCK series as she 's ever been about any of her books . In addition to writing , Brenda is passionate about embracing life to the fullest , to include scuba diving ( she has over 60 dives to her credit ) , Taekwondo ( where she recently achieved her 2nd degree black belt ) , hiking , traveling , and pursuing new experiences and skills . She is an active member of Romance Writers of America , the Society of Children 's Book Writers and Illustrators , and Novelists , Inc , an international organization of multipublished novelists , where she served as President in 2006 . For the past dozen years , Brenda has also collected data on writers ' earnings , which she shares at her website , http : / / brendahiatt . comYou can also find Brenda on Facebook , Twitter ( @ Brenda _ Hiatt ) , Tumblr , Goodreadsand Wattpad . Wren Harper lives on an overcrowded Earth on the brink of apocalypse . There are just too many people . The answer lies 600 light - years away on Kepler ; a planet more than double the size of Earth . For decades humans have been fighting another race for its control . Earth 's armies are depleted , so now 15 - year - old cadets are sent to fight , trained along the way in vast combat ships . But why has Wren been chosen ? She 's small and geeky and not a fighter . Will she survive Kepler ? Or will the training kill her first ? Wren is in the most dangerous place imaginable - a training ship full of fledgling killers heading to a war - torn planet . She 's struggling to keep up , and the other cadets aren 't impressed . But Wren 's not done for yet . She 's a survivor and uses the one thing she 's got to even the odds - her super - smart brain . But will that be enough ? I am so excited to have the author of the Spiral Arm series , Peter Boland , here on the blog today . My head has been burning with questions for him on his story , desire to write in episodes , and about the character of Wren . Check out what he has to and then enjoy an excerpt of this story you want to add to your TBR list now . Plus , he 's even giving away a copy of one of his books to a lucky winner ! What inspired the idea to write this series in novella length episodes ? And how many episodes do you think it will include ? It suits my writing style . I like plot - driven stories - I guess this comes from my advertising background where you have to get to the point quickly . I 've planned the series out for at least 16 episodes , we 'll see how it goes . The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova - it 's beautifully written and impeccably researched - it 's about a historian trying to find the tomb of Vlad the Impaler ( Dracula ) . Do you have a playlist for the series ? Can you share a song or two and how you " hear " it in the story ? I wanted a strong female lead , but I wanted her to be vulnerable and smart , and to use her brain to solve problems , rather than her fists . She likes the quiet life and just wants to be left alone , but I 've placed her in her worst nightmare ! I 'd definitely have to agree with that ! Thanks for stopping by today Peter and we can 't wait to see more episodes of The Spiral Arm !
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Blurb : An eye for an eye . Bailey Russell is an assassin on an Artemis Agency assignment that is both business and personal : take out Amir Fahad , the arms dealer , who killed her partner . She 's put together an ideal plan that includes using herself as bait . Grieving the loss of her former partner and her team 's faith in her she vows the only way this mission ends is in death : hers or Fahad 's . A dangerous web they weave . British Intelligence Operative , Ben Ambrose , is married to his job . And for the past three months that has meant living undercover as part of Fahad 's crew . Three month 's work blown when he feels compelled to risk his life to protect Bailey and her friends from Fahad 's men . The best laid plans . Bailey 's plan ruined . Ben 's cover blown . Their entire professional lives consist of lies and subterfuge , but there 's one thing Bailey and Ben can 't hide from each other , their growing attraction . Still , each wants to complete their mission at all costs : personal and professional . Payback 's a bitch and this time her name is Bailey . Ben stood from his chair and scooped up his bag as he moved toward her . " Me , too . " He dropped the bag next to the bed , pulled one gun out , and sat next to her on the cot . Bailey shot him an odd look . " What are you doing ? " He leaned back , brushing her arm as he did so , and pulled his long legs up , maneuvering them around her until he lay flat on the cot . He moved close to the wall . Ben let out a snort . " I carried that guy , too . " He patted the small space next to him . " But I can share if it means that much to you , " he said with a grin . She shot off the bed lightning fast , standing straight up , and staring down at him with her mouth slightly agape . She got his full meaning all right . He still didn 't trust her at all , that was the truth , but he was game for getting some things out of the way and off his mind once and for all . She was a distraction . He found himself thinking about her , looking at her , when his thoughts should be elsewhere . If he could have her now , satiate his growing need of her and be done with it , then he 'd be able to focus . He 'd be able to take a step back and see something other than her . He slid his gun under his pillow and caught her eyes again . She looked hot when she was angry . Her face was flushed , her eyes were wide , and she was breathing hard , trying to regain some composure . She was fuming mad . She was strong ; she dragged a buck seventy - five of dead weight over sand . But Ben couldn 't shake the idea that she 'd feel warm and soft anyway . She was lean but curved in all the right places just the same . He locked eyes with her , and his slow perusal of her body only seemed to infuriate her more . " Get out of my bed , " she bit out . Ben lay on his back , but his eyes were very much on Bailey , the gun under his pillow still held firmly in his grasp . He looked casual as if his head was resting on his bicep , but he was still at the ready . " I 'm tired and going to sleep now . " " That 's it . " Bailey stood and grabbed up the second gun from his bag . Ben never turned . " Drop it now . " His deep voice was quiet . " Absolutely not . " Bailey moved to sit in the chair he had abandoned . Her finger pointed accusingly at him . " You 've got one on me , and I figure it 's only fair . " She loudly slid the table closer to her , scraping the floor , and propped her legs up on it trying to find a comfortable position . She waved his gun back at him with a smile . " Neither do I . " He turned only his head to look at her . " You pinch my gun and expect me to be okay with it ? " His quiet voice and narrow eyes pinned her . " Fuckin ' hell . " Everything had to be a fight with her ! She even had his accent slipping he was so fed up . Princess is too good to share a damn bed ? Or more specifically too good to share his bed ? Then she took one of his guns . She probably can 't even hold the thing more than a few minutes . He was sure she was used to her little toy weapons and not that big piece of steel , dwarfing her hand . She lounged back awkwardly on the chair with the table under her feet . It looked uncomfortable . Yet , that stubborn arse was sitting there practically smiling , pretending to be happy as a pig in shit . He moved his calloused thumb silently up , sliding the safety of his gun up with a soft metallic click . The quiet yet distinctive sound surprised him from his thoughts . Thoughts of regret . He should have shot her when he had the chance , free and clean . Done . His hand and mind were of an accord before he was even aware of thinking it . And he was right ; the gun was far too big for her hand . He watched her reach for the safety with her thumb and fall short before having to do it two handed . She dropped her head down on the back of the chair as if going to sleep now . " You 're disgusting , " she mumbled . Ben let out a contented sigh from the bed . " I wouldn 't feel too bad , sweetheart . It 's a lot to handle . You just need practice . " About the Author : Virginia Brasch , author of Retribution , the first book in the Artemis Series is making her writing debut . The married Pennsylvania native has an inherited love of books . Virginia was tired of reading stories about helpless damsels in distress and started writing about her own kind of heroine . She snorts when she laughs , has an unfortunate fondness for karaoke , a growing collection of books , and is drawn always to the sea . She was also once hit in the head by a small sailboat 's boom and tossed overboard . This taught her the importance of expecting the unexpected . She enjoys dirty jokes and swears like a sailor though claims to be " * * * * ing working on it . " Virginia is an adventurer who lives a wildly exciting life . Afraid to fly , she travels infrequently . She gets excited to spend a night in reading or snuggle up watching a movie with her husband . She likes hanging out with her mom or tentatively venturing out with girlfriends , lured by promises of wine and laughing until it hurts . " Life is short . Have fun while you 're here . " She writes suspense with a romantic kick and fully believes heroines should be a bit brash . For more romantic suspense fun , or just for a chat , you can find Virginia on twitter ( @ Virginia _ Brasch ) , Facebook ( https : / / www . facebook . com / VBrasch ) , and her website ( http : / / virginiabrasch . wordpress . com / ) . She encourages readers to go ahead and be a little bit Brasch . Face it , long distance relationships in high school are hard , especially when the other one in the relationship is an alien . Alex Bianchi may have survived an intergalactic battle , but that still doesn 't excuse her from her senior year of high school , or qualify her for any sort of scholarship . To make up for college tuition costs , she takes a job at a local coffee shop . If only coffee could solve all of her problems . As Alex 's senior year progresses , everything changes and she can 't figure out if it is interstellar or if it is just time to break up with an alien . So now that Alex and Ace have avoided an alien invasion by agreeing to get married , what 's a girl to do ? Well , she goes back to high school to finish her senior year of course . Alex still has to graduate and finish college according to the peace treaty that betroths her to her hottie alien boyfriend . Now that Alex is back in the land of boring humans , she 's once again the goofy geek instead of the kick ass extra - terrestrial fighter . So she endures the usual torture from mean girl Gemma at school , but finds some solace at her new barista job when she meets her co - worker Simone . Finally a BFF ! I mean how AWESOME is that ? Ace can so beam into my room anytime . Did I say that out loud ? Ok , so anyway Alex 's life is all happy and wonderful . Until Ace starts " running late " all the time . And Brody wants to be more than just friends . And maybe Alex doesn 't want to give up on her dream of going to Columbia . What 's a girl to do ? I don 't know , maybe break up with an alien ? WHAT ! ? ! I said maybe . Could it be possible that there is some sleep creep involved here ? I mean , Brody is getting a bit obsessive . And why on earth is Alex suddenly questioning her feelings for Ace ? She loves Ace ! And who wouldn 't want to be the next Princess of Calta ? There is the whole future mother - in - law from hell that is totally against the alien / human marriage . Could she really stoop so low as to use her sleep creepiness to try to break the treaty ? No worries , Ace is coming to town to help . And to meet Mom ! And Grandpa ! And wow , Ace sure looks a lot like one of Grandpa 's old war buddies . Eeeep ! As much as I loved this book , I have to admit that I really missed the aliens . There are a few here and there , but no one floats in goo , no purple people eater gets to duke it out with an invisible octohippo , and there is no phoning home . We do get to meet Monte ( who needs his own book ) , but How to Break Up with an Alien reads slightly more YA contemporary . It 's still fun and quirky , and the whole beaming thing is just hot , but I hope we get to see some more E . T . s in the next installment . So will they make it ? Or will Alex find out that breaking up with an alien is hard to do ? You 'll have to read it to find out . Magan Vernon is a Young Adult and New Adult writer who lives with her family in the insurance capital of the world . She is in a very serious , fake relationship with Adam Lambert and constantly asks her husband to wear guyliner . He still refuses . She also believes her husband is secretly an alien , disguised as a southern gentleman . High school senior Alex Bianchi 's estranged father gets her an internship at Circe Operations Center to pad her college applications . But Circe isn 't your typical military base . It 's an alien - run operation center and not all of the aliens are friendly , especially the one that tries to kill Alex on her first day . When Ace , a dark - eyed Caltian , enters and saves the day , she can 't help but be drawn to him . Can these star - crossed lovers survive when they 're on the brink of intergalactic war ? I 'm on a total alien binge , so when I heard about this book I couldn 't wait to read it . I wasn 't disappointed . It is funny , sweet , full of aliens , and Ace is just YUM ! I have to say , the day before I started reading this I went to see the movie Monsters Vs . Aliens , so I couldn 't stop picturing B . O . B , Dr . Cockroach and crew hanging around and giving a few high fives . I love how this story drips in sci - fi , but doesn 't take itself too seriously . Some of the aliens are bizarre and the interaction between the different species is fun . Meet Alex Bianchi , a somewhat geeky over achiever that needs something on her Columbia application to help her stand out . Extra curricular activities aren 't her thing , so thank goodness her dad works for the ultra - secretive government compound called Circe . Just mentioning an internship there gets the Columbia recruiter to perk up . One call to Alex 's estranged father and a summer at Circe awaits . Only Circe isn 't the military base Alex expected . It 's actually a huge compound , hidden in a mountain where aliens are housed . What the what ? ( Sorry , I 've been dying to use that . ) Leave it to poor Alex to give her dad the thumbs up the moment she steps inside the foreign little world , a sign that one should apparently never give in front of an alien . Just ask Alex as she 's nearly strangled to death by some slimy creature . But something or someone with gorgeous black eyes rescues her . The next thing she knows , she 's being treated by the Bug Man - a . k . a . an alien doc who I imagine looking like an orange roach ( see Dr . Cockroach above ) . Alex struggles to fit in with the rest of the interns . While she 's still in high school , they 're all in college and one in particular is angry that Alex only got the much sought after position thanks to her well - respected dad . Whatever , Alex has more important things to do , like report to her assignment in online security ! Hello Ace ! Best . Internship . Ever . Alex can 't help but notice her gorgeous supervisor , I mean hello guyliner ! What is guyliner you ask ? But those eyes , she 's seen those eyes before . And boy do those eyes follow her everywhere . Such as into the cafeteria where Alex almost become a punching bag for an alien smackdown . But thankfully those black orbs swoop in and save her . Wait ! That isn 't the first time ! Those black eyes that swallow her up saved her once before , the first day she arrived at Circe . Coincidence ? I think not . Alex and Ace dance around their growing attraction , after all humans and aliens don 't mix . But what if they do ? Well , there 's a few things about Ace Alex isn 't aware of and let 's just say falling in love with him could lead to the total annihilation of Earth . WHAT ? ! ? Bring on the mother ship , mix in some green goo I want to dive in to , and let the shenanigans begin . My only gripe with the story is it 's too short . I wanted more ! I wanted more interaction with Alex and the other interns . By the end of the book we 're supposed to believe that a few of these guys are willing to go way out on a limb for her . I just didn 't see it . It was like the friendship developed some behind the scenes . I also had a hard time believing Alex could just jump into a spaceship and pilot it into outer space all by herself . I know , I realize the whole bug aliens and green goo I had no problem with , but seriously how can the chick just jump inside a flying saucer and become an instant Maverick ? I still remember the first time I attempted to drive a stick shift . Let 's just say rolling half a mile down a hill backwards , into a ditch , with a screaming mother trying to jerk the steering wheel were involved . Maybe it 's just jealousy talking , but still . She was a computer nerd , it would have been more believable if she cracked some secret code and beamed herself aboard the mother ship . Just sayin . Overall this is a fun , quirky read . If you love aliens I 'm sure you will enjoy the humorous sci - fi elements and the swoon - worthy Ace . I read this book in a day and quickly jumped into the next two in the series . It 's addicting . On a side note , as I 'm writing this the news is reporting of a possible UFO landing in Boca Raton . Ace ? I 'm here ! Beam me up baby ! Magan Vernon is a Young Adult and New Adult writer who lives with her family in the insurance capital of the world . She is in a very serious , fake relationship with Adam Lambert and constantly asks her husband to wear guyliner . He still refuses . She also believes her husband is secretly an alien , disguised as a southern gentleman . Sang Sorenson and the Academy boys return to Ashley Waters High School but before they get a chance to even settle in , Sang 's life is threatened by an anonymous caller . They retreat to the protective walls of the Morgan estate , a safe house for when the boys are under fire . But when new threats can break through those barriers that once kept them secure , it leaves Kota , Victor , Silas , Nathan , Gabriel , Luke and North rushing to figure out who is hunting them . But when you 're fighting a ghost who seems to know all your secrets , retreating is no longer an option . The Academy , Deceptively Strategic . Ok , so I realize Jen already reviewed this one . BUT . . . I just had to say something too . I mean , just OMG . I love this series ! And oh my # TeamVictor , # TeamGabriel . . . . I 'm so at a loss . I 've always been a die - hard North girl , but I don 't know even Dr . Green is sneaking in there with such ease . The story keeps getting more intense with each book , and I found Drop of Doubt to be edge - of - your - seat great . I HATED having to put it down to you know . . . work , take care of the kiddos , all those real world things that totally get in the way . I needed to know what happened and waiting nearly killed me . I won 't go into any details because doing so just ruins the fun . But I will say there are some fantabulous Victor moments , some OMG Gabriel moments , and even a few Wha . . . hahahawt Dr . Green moments . My # TeamNorth self is jumping on board several teams at this point . I can 't forget our leading lady Sang . She is just Ah - MAZ - ing ! This girl has spunk and is loyal to the end . For someone so damaged , so confused , and so alone ( although not anymore ) , this girl has got fight in her . I 'm going to have to say the word failure is not in her dictionary because the girl never gives up and never gives in . You will be cheering her on in this book . Starcrossed , a Starstruck novel by Brenda Hiatt , is out now ! To celebrate the release we are happy to share an interview with Princess Emileia and Rigel Stuart as well as an excerpt from the book . Be sure to stay tuned to the end where there 's a giveaway as well ! The Starstruck adventure continues … Bri nodded , her long , dark curls bouncing . " That 's what Dad said , too . I didn 't even know they played basketball in Ireland ! But apparently it 's huge there . " " Ireland ? Really ? " I glanced at Rigel again , remembering something he 'd told me a while back , and saw he looked a little more interested . " Yeah , he and his family just moved here last - Ooh , that must be him ! " Bri broke off to point . Of course , we all looked . The new guy was definitely tall enough to play basketball , maybe three or four inches taller than Rigel . He was fair bordering on pale , with bright , copper - colored hair . Very good looking , though of course he couldn 't compete with Rigel in that department . Who could ? It looked to me like plenty of people - mainly girls - were already doing just that . Again I was reminded of Rigel 's first day , especially when I saw Trina Squires - cheerleader , flirt and bitch extraordinaire - saunter up to to the newcomer . Rigel and I followed Bri and Deb , since it seemed the nice thing to do . We were maybe halfway across the lunchroom when both of us stopped cold to stare at each other . I nodded . " I feel it , too . " It was the brath - the weird , almost electric vibe Martians sense when other Martians are nearby . Like what I 'd felt from those two tourist women yesterday . Brenda Hiatt is the author of nearly twenty novels ( so far ) , including traditional Regency romance , time travel romance , historical romance , and humorous mystery . She is as excited about her new STARSTRUCK series as she 's ever been about any of her books . In addition to writing , Brenda is passionate about embracing life to the fullest , to include scuba diving ( she has over 60 dives to her credit ) , Taekwondo ( where she recently achieved her 2nd degree black belt ) , hiking , traveling , and pursuing new experiences and skills . She is an active member of Romance Writers of America , the Society of Children 's Book Writers and Illustrators , and Novelists , Inc , an international organization of multipublished novelists , where she served as President in 2006 . For the past dozen years , Brenda has also collected data on writers ' earnings , which she shares at her website , http : / / brendahiatt . comYou can also find Brenda on Facebook , Twitter ( @ Brenda _ Hiatt ) , Tumblr , Goodreadsand Wattpad . Wren Harper lives on an overcrowded Earth on the brink of apocalypse . There are just too many people . The answer lies 600 light - years away on Kepler ; a planet more than double the size of Earth . For decades humans have been fighting another race for its control . Earth 's armies are depleted , so now 15 - year - old cadets are sent to fight , trained along the way in vast combat ships . But why has Wren been chosen ? She 's small and geeky and not a fighter . Will she survive Kepler ? Or will the training kill her first ? Wren is in the most dangerous place imaginable - a training ship full of fledgling killers heading to a war - torn planet . She 's struggling to keep up , and the other cadets aren 't impressed . But Wren 's not done for yet . She 's a survivor and uses the one thing she 's got to even the odds - her super - smart brain . But will that be enough ? I am so excited to have the author of the Spiral Arm series , Peter Boland , here on the blog today . My head has been burning with questions for him on his story , desire to write in episodes , and about the character of Wren . Check out what he has to and then enjoy an excerpt of this story you want to add to your TBR list now . Plus , he 's even giving away a copy of one of his books to a lucky winner ! What inspired the idea to write this series in novella length episodes ? And how many episodes do you think it will include ? It suits my writing style . I like plot - driven stories - I guess this comes from my advertising background where you have to get to the point quickly . I 've planned the series out for at least 16 episodes , we 'll see how it goes . The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova - it 's beautifully written and impeccably researched - it 's about a historian trying to find the tomb of Vlad the Impaler ( Dracula ) . Do you have a playlist for the series ? Can you share a song or two and how you " hear " it in the story ? I wanted a strong female lead , but I wanted her to be vulnerable and smart , and to use her brain to solve problems , rather than her fists . She likes the quiet life and just wants to be left alone , but I 've placed her in her worst nightmare ! I 'd definitely have to agree with that ! Thanks for stopping by today Peter and we can 't wait to see more episodes of The Spiral Arm !
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COMMENTS : This is a dream that I had August 27 , 1992 . I was at a plant , this is a working place , a plant . There were several different working places , several different buildings . It is a plant of some sort , working , I guess it was like a factory . A glob of , this is what I . . . I do not remember every single thing , but I remember this glob of stuff coming out of a machine . It looked like dough , it looked like dough or clay . We found out that it was inflammable and was very dangerous . Everybody had to evacuate the building . I was telling everybody to evacuate . I ran over to another building , and I told them to evacuate . The whole area was going to burn . It was going to burn up because of this glob of stuff it was going to catch that came out of the machine . It was either clay . . . it looked like dough , pizza dough or cookie dough or something . Everybody had to evacuate the whole entire area , and I found myself trapped . These people were trying . . . this whole group of people that were in this building working started coming after me . They decided that I was . . . they wanted to kill me . I got trapped in a house where these enemies were going to kill me . COMMENTS : All I remember is telling these people to evacuate and something changed , a group of people started to come after me , and they were going to kill me . I ran from the place . It had to do with this mixture of stuff that was coming out of this machine , and it just got bigger and bigger . It was a big glob , a monstrous thing , whatever it was . It was just a big glob of stuff . Everybody had to evacuate , and then I got trapped in this house where these enemies were going to kill me . The house was beautiful . Again , part of the house was beautiful , and part of it was old and crummy . It seemed like that in this house , it was like I was invited there or something , but it was a trap . I got trapped in the house , and they were going to kill me . Then they found out that I had supernatural power , and that I could fly , and I could only fly when it was necessary . This is what I found out . You know that show , " The incredible hulk " ? He is just a regular man until an emergency , then he changes when he is under pressure . Have you ever seen " The incredible hulk " ? COMMENTS : Superman is a regular man until under pressure , and then he changes . This is what happened in this dream . I was trapped in this house , and these people were after me , they were going to kill me . I found a baby in the house , and that was part of it . I found a baby , and I took the baby in my arms . I decided I was going to save the baby and , because of the baby , they were coming at me . They go , " Oh , she can fly . " Then they go , " But she could not do it at her will , " and I could not . I could not fly when I just decided to , but only under emotional pressure , when my emotions . . . It was like to save the child , to save myself , to save the child . I flew , I crashed open this glass in this house , they were coming towards me , and there was no other way . I was thinking of any other way I could do this , but there was no other way . They were coming with guns , they were about ready to shoot me , and I went like that , and I crashed open the window and flew out the window . I had the baby in arms , flying up , but I could not get above the telephone lines . I go , " Why can I not get above the telephone lines ? That is not very high . " I thought . " Well , I will try it a little higher . I tried it a little higher , and in my chest I felt a little fluttering of fear of heights , and that is why I could not go any higher . I go , " Well I will just stay a little bit lower under them , that is all right . " Then , let me find it on the paper here so I can see if I did not miss anything . Yes , they found out that I was . . . they were finding out all these things they could about me , that I could not fly at will . I could only fly under emotional stress . COMMENTS : They were finding out everything they could about me because they were bound and determined to track me and kill me . They had to get rid of me . I realized I was going very fast , I knew that they would try to shoot me , and that is why I was going very fast . This was even beyond my own abilities . I was amazed at what was coming forth from me too , because I could not do this as a natural person usually . I could not do it at will , but only under certain situations in this would it click in , you know . COMMENTS : Yes , only under this emergency . They tried to shoot me with their guns , but they could not because I flew away to fast and through the trees but not above the telephone lines . That was a problem . I flew very fast , but I was not going very high . I flew over a park area , and this boy was there and he was . . . I flew down , I flew into some telephone lines that I could not see , and it was another trap . They decided to trap me because I was not going above the telephone lines . I was not going that high , I was going fast but I was not going high . They decided to trap me this way . Some kids , children , made rubber bands . This is kind of funny , but they made rubber bands . This whole dream is like a movie . It is like a movie , it is suspense , it was incredible , and I remember most of it . I flew into these rubber bands that I could not see . I go , " boing ! " and I came down on the ground . I go " Oh , if that was not something , it was a bunch of kids making a joke . " I landed on the ground , and this little boy came up to me with a bow and arrow , and he was going to shoot me . It was a real one , he was going to kill me . This boy , this little boy was going to kill me . There was a baby lying in the grass , the baby was unusually large . It was an unusually large baby , and the baby could talk . COMMENTS : A female baby in rulership , and she was not a very pretty baby but she was a baby . Something looked funny about her . Something was not right . Unusually large , and she was ruling over everything and it was a baby , in a baby 's body . She goes , " Can you not stay ? Stay with me . " I knew I had a journey , I had to get this baby , this real baby that was with me and I had to leave . I knew something was not right about this park and all these children . I left , I continued and I went on . I said , " I will see you some time , I will catch you some other time , there will be another time " or something like that and I left . Right after that was an airport . I decided , I am going to get a ticket and get out of the whole area , because they are seeking my life here . I decided to get a ticket . I got on the plane and on the plane was the whole group that was going to kill me . They go , " Aha , we got you . " COMMENTS : They got on the plane ahead of me . The whole thing was a plan and even the park was a plan , that was part of them . I got on the plane , and I go , " Oh no . " I backed up , and I had the child in my hands and I go , " Oh no . " I was just myself then , I was not able to fly , and that is why I knew I was not going to be able to fly clear across wherever I was going . I was only . . . it was just me . COMMENTS : It was an escape . This was the ramp , it was a ramp , and this ramp was part of the plane . The plane started to take off and I go , " Oh no , there is no way to escape now . " They go , " We got you . " They all came with their guns , and they were going like this . I ran up the ramp , and I saw this woman walk up and she goes , " I was the one , I was the one that pretended to be that baby . " I go , " No . " I looked at her , I go , " Oh no , " and I looked at her face and I go , " You are the one . " Just right then , again , it went past my mind , my hand reached up for something that clicked that was part of the ramp . I flicked that off , and the whole ramp fell off with all the people . They all go " Ahhh " and they fell , you know , they fell . I ran up the ramp to the second level , there was a higher level on the plane . I ran up into the plane , and there was just normal people sitting there . I go , " I made it . " I walked up there , and I talked to two giants . I just knew they were angels . I start speaking in tongues , and they understood me . That was the dream , and I was going , in my real tongue , my heavenly language , that was what I was talking . I was talking in my heavenly language , and I was talking to them and was going ( speaks in tongues ) . They were going , " Oh yes . " What I was telling them was , " Close calls but I made it . " That is the end of the dream and I woke up . I go , " This is incredible . " I am standing there talking to nine - foot angels . They were just normal people , they looked like just normal people . Matter of fact , one of them was kind of heavy set . They did not look like beautiful gorgeous men with wings or something . They looked like just regular people , but they were like nine - foot tall . They all understood me . It was on a higher level on the plane . That was the end of the dream , but I was like " Close calls but I made it . " It was really neat . It was glorious , and there I was talking to these angels in my heavenly language . That was the dream , it was just , I do not know , I woke up , I was like , it was really neat . PASTOR VITALE : First , let me back up a little . You were not only laboring , but you were digging . Probably that means that you were . . . it is the people of this world system digging either for water , food , or precious metal , laboring to survive . PASTOR VITALE : That sounds to me like the sin that is just flowing over this world system , and it is produced continuously . Sin is continuously churned out of the fallen minds of fallen men , even of the Church , that if they could do it , will choose to not produce sin . It is coming out anyway because of our fallen condition . PASTOR VITALE : The person who was with you was the Father , and you typifying Christ . The two of you were going to this world of continual employment and you preaching the gospel , " Evacuate , this world is going to be destroyed . " Is that it , it was going to be destroyed ? PASTOR VITALE : If you ran into a place of escape , it would have to be Christ . Christ in this hour is still being built . The part of it that was old and not quite so nice is the . . . let me back up a little . What is Christ or the New Jerusalem ? It is the new mind that is being made of the Father and the human spirit and their offspring , Christ . Amen . PASTOR VITALE : You were running to Christ , but the Church and the Scribes and the Pharisees are everywhere trying to stop the people who are ascending . That is just a reality . I could attest to that . PASTOR VITALE : If that is the case , then it was not the Father who was with you at the beginning . We know that there are people who are called to this end - time company that are going to desert . It is just going to happen . They all abandoned Jesus on the cross . Paul had disciples that abandoned him , they went back into the world . Those of us that are going all the way , we will experience betrayal and desertion . COMMENTS : Wow . This person deserted me , the police were at the door , and this is the house where I picked up the son . This is the house where I picked up this baby . COMMENTS : Then , I ran into the old part of the house , which you are saying is Eve . I backed up , and they were coming towards me with guns . They were also testing me , testing my powers at that point . That is when they all came at me with guns . COMMENTS : I ran , it was just me , and I had the baby in my arms . At this point when there was nothing else , this is when another power came through me . I go " No ! " and I broke the window . The Lord says that He will always make a way of escape . It is impossible to be trapped when the Lord Jesus Christ is fighting for us . He will make a way where there is no way , but we must resist in our mind , and that scream where you said " No , " was an expression of your refusal to yield to the bullying tactics of the Pharisees . COMMENTS : They were going to destroy me and the child . They were going to kill me and the child too . To save myself and the child , I had to get out of there and I broke the window . I know you said that glass typifies witchcraft . COMMENTS : This was not the nice part . I ran with the child into the part that was not so nice . There was one part that was beautiful , and there were pretty pastel colors , and the other part was not pretty at all and it was dark . This was the dark part of the house . PASTOR VITALE : You received supernatural power to escape . What is coming to my mind right now is that in Revelation Chapter 12 , that after the woman that typifies the living soul gave birth to the man child , she fled into the wilderness . God gave her wings , and she flew into wilderness . PASTOR VITALE : The Church world , whoever it is that is manifesting anti - Christ , will always be looking to reveal the weaknesses of the yet imperfect Son of God . That is what they do . They may not have a conscious understanding of it , but they will come to you , they will accuse you , they will tell you that you are not in full stature , they will point out all of your weaknesses and try to tear you down . That is what this part of the dream sounds like . They knew you had a weakness , you were not in full stature . COMMENTS : That is what they were trying to do . They tried to find out my abilities . It seemed that they knew that baby was there . I do not know , it seemed like they put that baby there in a sense , that they knew that baby was there or something , because they knew that with my emotions I would take up the child . You know what I am saying ? They were checking out my emotions , and they knew that I would go , " Oh " and take up the child . I took the child , I ran to the back , and they were going to kill me and the child . I broke through the window and flew through . Then they go , " Oh , she can fly . " They were amazed , they were all amazed but they . . . I knew they would immediately make plans to bring me down , and that is what they did . I realized I was going very fast . Again , it was by my emotion and the emergency that I was doing this . Then I flew over , but I could not get above the telephone lines . PASTOR VITALE : I think that those of us who are ascending are really starting to ascend much more rapidly . I would say that is what your speed indicates . We can only ascend at a particular rate of speed . The Lord controls the rate of speed at which we ascend . Even more that , I think the Lord is saying to me , it is not that the Lord is not letting us go any higher or any faster , but our humanity would kill us if we go any faster . We are ascending as fast as we can without killing us . Those wires indicated that at that time , you could not get any higher . Although , I think when you first went through this dream , you mentioned something about fear . It could be your fear was keeping you from going higher . COMMENTS : Yes , the speed was tremendous . I realized that the speed got very high , but the height was what I did not have . I said that I would try going above the telephone lines , so I started to ascend but I had fear . It seemed like there was a fear of ascending for feeling that if I get out there too far , I would not be able to get back down . That was my feeling in the dream , that if I get up too high , I will just float up there , and all that is out there is the universe , and I will just go out there , and I will never come back down . PASTOR VITALE : What comes to my mind is Lot 's wife . She was drawn back to the things of the world . That is something for you to pray about and is probably something that is affecting the whole company of believers that are ascending . There really is something in them that wants the things of this world . COMMENTS : Wow . Then I came to a park , I flew over a park area . This boy . . . there were children playing . I flew into . . . they decided since I could not get above the telephone lines and they noticed that , they decided to make an invisible telephone line that I would hit into , and it would bring me down . It was made out of rubber bands , it was like a big joke to all the kids . They made it , and I bumped into it and I go , " boing " and I fell down . What does that mean ? PASTOR VITALE : To me that means . . . that is talking about their psychic prayers and their spiritual power that they are setting up to keep the Sons of God from ascending . In some measure of strength , it can stop the Son . We have to overcome it in Christ , but it is real . PASTOR VITALE : Yes , so any barrier set up by the witchcraft power of the saints can only be overcome by confessing our own sins and submitting ourselves to the Lord to cleanse us so that we ascend over the barrier in Christ . So long as there is . . . however , how do I explain this ? Of course , we will have sin until we are completely in full stature . All the way up , until we hit full stature , there is always going to be some highly demonized person or some self - righteous Pharisee praying witchcraft walls up for us . When we approach them , the only way we can get over them is by petitioning the Lord . If we are still not delivered enough to ascend over it , then we have to ask the Lord for a special dispensation to be permitted to ascend over it just for this purpose , because our sins are confessed and repented of , but we may not have been delivered yet . Those walls are walls that our sin keeps us behind . It is not the witchcraft power of the saints . The only thing that stops us is our sin . PASTOR VITALE : It means you got entangled with the things of this world . That is what I was just trying to say . The only way the witchcraft power of the saints can stop us is by stimulating sin that exists in us , causing us to be looking for things that we have already overcome . PASTOR VITALE : Yes , I did not think to put it on the tape though , but that is exactly what has been happening to you . You have been looking back , you have been looking back to what you have already given up . You have been looking back to what you have already overcome . That is what the witchcraft power has entangled you back in the things of the world , but God is going to give you the victory . You are battling , you are going to have the victory , but that is the way it works . PASTOR VITALE : Even in the areas of relationships where your relationships are on such and such a level , and you ascend in Christ , and you say , " I do not want that in a relationship any more , I am asking God to give me healthier relationships that do not include that particular kind of problem , and someone comes right into your life with that particular problem that you just overcame , and the relationship is very tempting . It has never failed in my life to happen . The test always comes . PASTOR VITALE : He is typifying the children in the kingdom . He is a male , and that means he has Christ . This is not the carnal Church and the existing five - fold ministry , this is now the kingdom Church that has Christ . He has a weapon , he is armed , that means that he has Christ to some measure in him . He is trying to kill you because , even though he has Christ , he cannot see Christ in you . Maybe in the dream you typify a more mature manifestation of Christ or whatever . PASTOR VITALE : You were a woman with a child . You were a woman with the Christ child . For whatever reason God portrayed it that way . You were a woman with the Christ child . You were a pregnant woman , the pregnant woman , and when your Christ child is completely born , you will be a full grown man . In the dream , this was a little boy , a child . It is not exact , but that is all that I have right now . COMMENTS : He was a total enemy to me . He was very much against me and he was cruel , he was very much against me . He was a total enemy . COMMENTS : What does it say about the arrows that fly by day ? I think those were the arrows that fly by day . What are those arrows now ? PASTOR VITALE : I would say the carnal mind , the invisible realm of the carnal mind . She was female , the carnal mind is female . She had a scepter which means she had authority , and she was giving directions to all of the children in the park that were male , right ? COMMENTS : They mocked me with the rubber bands . That was mockery . That was like a big joke on me , and then they were really going to kill me on the ground . PASTOR VITALE : The only thing that comes to my mind is " hell hath enlarged herself , " but I do not really know . I know that in dreams for someone to not be . . . I do not know who is hearing this tape , this is not true in the natural at all , this is for my dreams , Christ is shown by a beautiful person , handsome man , a beautiful woman . Characters that are not pretty , it usually means that , that is the condition of their soul , that their soul is ugly . Dreams are not talking about physical faces . When we see a beautiful man and woman in the dream , it means their soul is beautiful . If we see a " not so beautiful " person in the dream , it means their souls are ugly . It is referring to sin . COMMENTS : As you are saying this , it comes to mind , what it really was about that baby was that , that baby never came to maturity in its body , but it could talk . It was an old lady , that is what it was . The baby was an old baby , but it never matured , it stayed a baby , but it was old . That is what it was , and she had power over the sons on the ground . PASTOR VITALE : The carnal mind has been around for quite a while . She is old , her days are over . The baby typified the invisible realm , and the children were all the members of the whole world that she is controlling , including the Sons . It will be that obvious that even carnal men could see it . They will see the glory of God , their souls will rise from the dead , and they will remember who they were at the beginning of time , that they were really Christ at the beginning of time . They will willingly leave Satan , the unconscious part of the carnal mind , and cleave unto Christ . That fits right in with your dream . The carnal mind was saying , " No , stay , stay , " because humanity is starting to respond to the love of God . Hallelujah . PASTOR VITALE : One more point . The bow is the weapon that Jesus appears with in the early part of the Book of Revelation . He is carrying a bow , so that is another witness that this male child who has a spiritual weapon is a manifestation of Christ in immaturity . He has the same weapon as the Lord does . COMMENTS : I found out that to hold me down to earth , they posed as children because I am attracted to children and babies . They posed as children , but underneath they were this group of older people that wanted to kill me . They had it all planned . They had it all set up and planned . They were children . I thought they were just kids playing in the park . I never caught in the telephone lines when flying , but these kids made some telephone lines out of rubber bands . I did not see them till right up on them and got caught in them again . They thought they had me then to kill me . I went on the ground over to a baby that could talk . I felt sorry for the baby . The baby was in charge of the older boys playing in the grass . The baby was lying in the grass . The baby said , " Remember me " and " Are you coming back to see me ? " That is what she said , " Please remember me as you go on " and " Are you coming back to see me ? " PASTOR VITALE : First of all , I think the fact that they were older people and posing as children just typifies the " lie " aspect of the soul realm . She promises wonderful things that would keep us from the spiritual things of God , and it is really a lie . The carnal mind lying in the grass saying " Come back to see me , " that is just typifying the seductive qualities of the living soul that fell . PASTOR VITALE : The Serpent in the grass , yes . That even when you start to ascend towards Christ , she is always using her witchcraft to draw you back . Of course , grass typifies the spiritual life of God . She is present while the spiritual life of God is growing in a man , the carnal mind is there with her seduction . COMMENTS : I comforted the baby and was friendly , but I just knew something was wrong , and I had to get out of there . The people were still after me and I knew that . I got a plane ticket . . . right after that I go into an airport and there was a plane ticket . I get a plane ticket and decided to take a plane out of the whole area . What does the planeY ? Once again they are trying to hinder you . Right up until the very last step up into Heaven , they are right there . I believe that as we ascend they are going to be there , trying to drag us down and destroy us before we ascend , and " That Dragon was there waiting for that man child to be born , to devour it as soon as it was born . " Revelation 12 . PASTOR VITALE : Yes , because guns are a carnal weapon . Guns are the weapons of the carnal man , but the company that had bows and arrows , those were Christians in whom Christ was being formed . They were using the spiritual authority of Christ to hurt the ascending Sons . They thought that they had you . Once again , it is impossible to corner a Son when Jesus is with you . There is no such thing as having your back to the wall , there is always a way of escape . I think the primary thought there is , do not ever think that you are free of these kinds of anti - Christ manifestations out of other believers , because you will never be free of them . They are going to be there right up until the last second . COMMENTS : They seemed to be amazed , they were amazed at my tactics of getting away from them . Like , have you ever watched McGiver on television ? Do you know what McGiver is ? COMMENTS : Well , he is very intelligent . He does all these intelligent things . He makes all these little things out of nothing . He makes a way of escape , or he makes a way to trap somebody , or he makes a way to get out of something just when he is about to get killed . This is what the show is always about . In the dream , I was similar to McGiver . I was always thinking of something to get out of it , a way of escape that was really beyond my person . It was Christ in me . COMMENTS : It was similar to that , to McGiver . Anybody who is familiar with McGiver will know what I am talking about . They started coming towards me , they go , " At last we caught you , there is no way to escape . " Again , I started running up the ramp where there were several plane windows . I was going " No ! ! ! " I was running up the ramp , I was hitting the plane windows , and there was no way to get out because these windows were not made of glass . They were made of some kind of a plastic material . There was no way to get out of them , there was no way to get out the back or the front . I ran up the ramp , and this lady followed me up on this side of the ramp . She was not on the same side . That means something , I do not know what it means , but she was not on the exact same side . She was running up the side of it , she could not be on the same side of the ramp I was on . There was a wall banister , and she was on the other side of the banister . Do you know what that means ? COMMENTS : Yes , that is it exactly . There was no way I could break through the plane windows because they were made of plastic , not glass . What does that mean ? PASTOR VITALE : Plastic is a man - made substance , glass is a natural substance . If you do any kind of a study in the Levite priests , they are forbidden from wearing any unnatural substance . Even today , religious Jews will not wear synthetic fabrics , they have to wear cotton . I ran up the ramp , and I was hitting on the windows , and there was no way to get out . They were laughing at me . They were like , " We have got her . " They were very wicked , they had their guns , and they were about ready to shoot me . The woman just had a few , she was the head of this whole thing , this woman . COMMENTS : She had a few more nasty things to say to me before they all shoot me , before she would shoot me . The group that was on her side was watching , down on the lower level . I was standing on the ramp and she was about to say . . . I was just looking at her and she goes , " Yes , I was the one that pretended to be that baby . I was that baby . " What does that mean ? COMMENTS : No wonder this dream is so exciting , because right when she goes , " Yes , I was the one , I was that baby on the grass . " I said , " Hmmm , " and I looked and I saw a lever , right when they were going to shoot me . She was saying this , and she was very proud and was saying , " Goodbye . " I reached up , and I saw that lever and I went like that , and I pulled that lever , and all of them fell . They all fell out . COMMENTS : It disconnected the whole level . I ran up to the top , the top level , I do not remember if I had a baby in my arms at that point or not . Maybe it was birthed , maybe it was birthed in me . PASTOR VITALE : Let me put this on the tape though , that you had to do something . We see a teaching in the Church today that is teaching passivity . You just sit there like a couch potato , and Jesus is going to do it . That is not true . We have His strength in righteousness , but you saw the lever and you had to reach up and pull it , you had to do something . COMMENTS : Oh yes . I was active through this whole dream , fighting a battle , flying , running away , looking to get away from them , had the baby in my arms , protecting the baby , I lost my closest friend , all these things that happened . It was the glorious thing that was like , that was the end of it . I ran up these stairs . COMMENTS : I know , it was just like a movie . Even at that point that I was hitting on the windows and running up that ramp , and Satan , the unconscious part of the carnal mind , she comes up there and goes , proudly says , " We got you . " I hit this lever , and it knocks her and everybody , her whole company off . COMMENTS : Yes , exactly , just like the Raiders of the Lost Ark , which I went and saw four times , because I loved it . I woke up going , " Wow , this is just like a movie . " I ran up to the top , and there are all these people , a whole company of people that were on that level that were rising , I guess , to Sonship , full stature . PASTOR VITALE : Let me say something here . There is , I believe , a company in the earth today that are waging this warfare . There are many people whose numbers are larger than the company that is fighting , who are going to ascend because of the warfare of the fighting company . You had all this people on the plane , but you are the only one that was engaged in the warfare . For every Son that God equips to wage this warfare , there is a whole bunch of people hanging on him , waiting . COMMENTS : They were just sitting there , they did not even know what was going on . They did not even know I was in a battle . The only people that knew was when I came up , and the angels that were nine - foot tall , which were bigger than all these people , regular people . I conversed with them immediately , and I knew I had to converse in a higher language with them . I really do say " Shunda " in my tongue and I go " ShundaY ( speaks in tongues ) " They were answering me back and going " Oh yes , yes . " The whole group , the whole Satan , the unconscious part of the carnal mind , company down there were all watching her . They were all in obedience to her . They would not shoot until she said , she was going to get the pleasure of it , of killing me while they watched . I started to recognize her face , that she was the one that posed as that little baby . She was proud that she had pretended to be that baby . I did not know what I was going to do . I thought they might . . . I did not know I was going to pull that lever , it just happened at the last moment . Again , an emergency thing . COMMENTS : Oh , wow . Eve is on the higher lever with Christ , and Satan , the unconscious part of the carnal mind , was cut off . Amen . COMMENTS : I ran up some stairs to the higher level which was the plane . It seemed like that was a ramp , the whole plane was taking off with a ramp hooked to it . I pulled that lever which I was not even sure what that was , I just pulled it , but something in me knew what it was . Right when she was going to do it , she was standing on the ramp , and they were back there on the lower level floor of the ramp , and it cut them all off . I saw two giants on the higher level . I was aware they had to be angels , and I began talking to them like I was real close to them , like I knew them . In other words , I knew them by the spirit because I did not know them , really who they were . It was like a movie . You know what I am saying ? Like it was all planned out . I went there . . . in tongues , I spoke to them in my heavenly language . What is your comment on this ? COMMENTS : I was talking about what happened and all the close calls to them but I made it . I was talking about the Lord to these angels . I was talking all about . . . I wanted to talk about the Lord to these angels , and they were all excited with me . COMMENTS : Yes , it was heaven . They looked like regular people , these people , these angels , only they were like nine - foot tall . They were giants , they were a lot bigger too , bigger boned and everything than normal people , they were nine - foot tall . I woke up saying , " This is like a movie . " It was just incredible . PASTOR VITALE : That is a good dream . I get so excited when I hear dreams . You are really the only one that I know , besides myself , that gets such Scriptural dreams and detailed . It is so Scriptural , it is really exciting . COMMENTS : That is the most exciting one I have had for a long time except for the one about , " put a lid on it , " the one about the manhole and Satan , the unconscious part of the carnal mind , underneath . This one was more exciting even . That was pretty good . DONATE using Living Epistles Ministries does not : 1 . Endorse or oppose either directly or indirectly any candidate for public office . 2 . Donate or contibute to any candidate 's campaign . 3 . Participate and engage in political fundraising events , or otherwise solicit contibutions for any candidates campaign . 4 . Destribute statements for or against a particular candidate . > 5 . Engage in any other activity that may favor or oppose a candidate . Copyright © 2017 Living Epistles Ministries . All Rights Reserved . Scroll
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Snowdrop 's life changed when she found her mate , Orion Hunter . Her father always said finding your mate was like magic , but this was so much more . In the blink of an eye , Snowdrop found her life hung in the balance . Kidnapped and tortured by an evil vampire , Snowdrop was left wondering if she would live long enough to enjoy her newly found mate . Sammy was on the verge of turning rogue , and fought his evil side every day to keep it at bay . Then Sammy finds out he is the only one that can infiltrate the rogue 's hideout . He knew it would be his true challenge . He knew the mission came with the possibility of being sent to Deciding Island for judgment , a judgment that would most likely lead to being Island Ash . His only hope came from the most unlikely place , but would it be enough ? Rain Murphy was born on the west coast , and now lives on the east coast . Writing is not a job or career to her it is a passion . She is the Author of " DECIDING ISLAND SERIES " & " Saints ! LOL or Are They ? " Her books are geared toward adults , young and old , with the sexual passages being implied . It will appeal to lovers of fiction , fantasy , and magical happenings . Hunter walked back to the glamour opening at the bottom of the Sphinx . Mystic , the leader of the Meat Eaters , waited for everyone 's report from the war as they exited . As he waited in line for his turn , Hunter heard someone yelling his name . " Hunter , wait for me , I need to talk to you . " It was Saturesa , Sat for short , Hunter 's longtime friend . As Sat caught up with Hunter , he could hear the enthusiasm in Sat 's voice which meant trouble . Sat always had some hair brained scheme for picking up girls . " Hey , after you talk to Mystic , what do you say to coming to the Eastern Shore with me ? " Sat , never being one to take no for an answer , told him , " Come on , Hunter . Everyone 's going to the Eastern Shore for a weeklong celebration , and there is going to be lots of girls . " Hunter gave Sat half a smile and looked down , shaking his head as he moved up one in line . Hunter knew that once Sat set his mind to something , he would be relentless at getting what he wanted . Hunter rolled his eyes and huffed his retort with a slight rumble in his voice , " Fine , but if I don 't have a GREAT time , I 'll leave . Got it ? " Hunter figured the only reason Sat wanted to go was the neighbor girl named Snowdrop . Hunter had never been attracted to a female Techie . He didn 't know if it was all the hair or the fact that the females were dominant , and he preferred to be the leader in a relationship . Hunter did agree that for a Techie she looked striking . Even though he had never met her in person , he had noticed her from a distance . She didn 't have that same thick hair as the other Techies and seemed to have more of her herb growing everywhere . She was also short for a female Techie . He had not been close enough to know what color her eyes were , but Sat could not stop talking about her amazing hazel eyes . Sat would joke about how he should have been nicer to Snowdrop when she had a crush on him . Hunter handed Mystic his one page report . " Hi Mystic , my report is short because Adam 's children did all the work . It 's always amazing to watch them in action . Is it okay to head home now ? " Hunter should have figured she would sense his loneliness . His kind lived so long , and without someone to share it with , the days and nights could go forever . Depression was a serious threat , but Hunter hated sympathy , so he denied it . " I 'm fine . " Hunter winked at Mystic , hoping to lessen her worry . " Thanks . Catch you at the next war . " Mystic gave him a small but sweet smile as she turned her focus on the next Meat Eater in line . Mystic Jones , as the leader of the Meat Eater species , is responsible for each and everyone one of them . She made a mental note to check up on Hunter in a few weeks . That wink he gave her was not fooling her . Sensing a strong feeling of depression , she wasn 't going to let that go for long . As Hunter walked out of the Sphinx , he watched as Sat jumped up the minute he spotted him . Hunter felt like this was going to be a long week , and he wasn 't sure he could put up with Sat 's high level of energy . Then he heard Sat say , " Come on , we can get a ride on the war ships with the Plazies . Sap said he could drop us on the Eastern Shore . " As they walked toward the war ships , Hunter thought about the Plazies . Sap and his wife , Weeping , are the leaders of the most unusual species , as far as Hunter was concerned . Hunter had heard that they now had a teenage daughter named Willow - he had also heard Willow was a handful . He could remember the first day he met the Plazies during one of the many wars in his lifetime . While walking next to Sat , Hunter gazed off in the distance as he remembered that day . He had walked onto one of the war ships to find no one on board , yet the ship was in operation with the precision of a well - organized team . He looked around , but stopped when he noticed a line of little sticks appearing before him , Plazies lined up on the ropes and rails . One of them started to talk , " Welcome Orion Hunter . " Hunter remembered his feeling of shock . Although he didn 't know what part shocked him more : the stick knowing his full name or that a stick was actually speaking . He had found himself staring at thousands of sticks shaped like humans . They ranged from 5 - inches to 6 - inches tall and looked like all different types of wood . As a woodworker in his youth and a construction company owner in today 's world , Hunter knew his timber . Hunter figured the look of shock showed on his face when Sap laughed and explained , " We are magic wood splinters and are what keep the old warships afloat . We are , for the most part , harmless , but we are not without ways to protect ourselves . Moving fast , it looks like we just appear and disappear , and this speed allows us to operate different areas of the ship quickly . We come from all different woods , hence the reason we all look different . " Being brought out of his thoughts by Sat 's voice , Hunter heard , " Hunter , they 're waiting for us . Let 's go . " Hunter felt the muscle in his shoulders tighten at Sat 's enthusiastic tone . He really was not in a party mood , and until now didn 't realize he had lagged behind . As they boarded the warships , Hunter saw Sap and walked up to him to say hi when he noticed something was wrong . " Sap , what has happened ? Is everyone okay ? " Willow , in tears now , turned as she noticed the warships headed out of the delta and to the open seas . " Hunter , it is more than just an apology . I was awful to Creature , and I thought they were just harmless jokes … but a good man may die because of me . " Hunter smiled . " As a matter of fact , I have worked with Creature off and on for a few hundred years . If there is one thing she is , it 's understanding . I think if you just come clean and be sincere , she will see her way to forgive you . Now , what is this about a man dying ? " Willow was still crying , and trying to talk . " They are in love . They are mates , and now they could lose each other because of me . " Hunter looked over at Sap for more clarity . Sap explained , " Mica was horribly wounded , and if Creature does not become one with Deciding Island , he will die . The only way to save him is if the Island does it … and because of Willow 's behavior , Gaia the Island 's spirit has said that is it up to Willow to take Creature on this quest into the Black Heart forest . " Hunter , Sat , and Sap watched as the two disappeared , then Sap spoke , " It is nice to see you again , but I must get to my post . We will be dropping the two of you off at Eastern Shore . If I don 't see you before you leave , goodbye . " Hunter gave his best smile , hoping to cheer Sap a little . He could see the worry on Sap 's face . " Goodbye , Sap . See you at the next war . " After reaching land at Eastern Shore , Hunter and Sat turned to wave at the Plazies . Hunter watched the old warship head back out to sea . It was so surreal in its beauty , yet it demanded the respect of an ancient warrior . Sat looked over at Hunter . " Hey , what is up with you lately ? You 're always dazing off … Oh no … you 're not getting depressed are you ? " Sat was now worried about his friend . Hunter looked at Sat and thought , Great , now I have to put up with his enthusiasm and pity , what a week this is going to be . Hunter looked at his friend . " I wish I could , but I 'm thinking that maybe I am getting just a little depressed . After all , how long can a man go without the love of a mate ? And how old am I ? " They didn 't really keep a close watch on time ; the question was purely hypothetical . Hunter was not waiting for an answer , just making a point . Sat knew Hunter was older than he was . Sat had been around for four hundred plus years . " Who we were had washed away with the summer . Who we are was yet to be seen . " Summer school at Alcott High was only supposed to gain Sadie Peters extracredit , nothing more . Her goal wasn 't to make friends , or gain the attention of the most popular football player , yet she managed both . Her life was cruising along on course … until that summer . Could a simple stint in a different school change her identity completely and introduce her to love for the first time ? How would that affect her relationship with Lily , her best friend ? Hopefully their friendship was strong enough to make it through the tumultuous summer . Sadie learns that great things come with change , but sometimes memories of the past are hardest to part with . I killed the engine and grabbed my new bag . I refused to go to summer classes with my junior year backpack . No way ! I had purchased all new items for the next four weeks . This was a new school and a new chance to actually become someone different . A clean slate . No one here knew me , so my past history was erased . I would be Sadie Peters , popular and outgoing , instead of Sadie Peters , a shy nobody that no one pays any attention to . I looked up at Alcott High 's newly rebuilt entrance . It was the town 's oldest school , but it held the most history . It was the very first school built in Laurel Lakes when it was a small town . Now that the town has grown immensely , they needed a new school built , and that 's how Ridgeline High , my school , was built . While I liked my school for various reasons , I loved the history of Alcott . To me it held hope and immense change . After a complete and utterly disastrous junior year , I could only see promise staring me in the face . " Three weeks , Sadie . They didn 't even show up to my doctor 's visit to get the final results . " That made me so sad to hear . How could they do that ? He made a fist and hit the dashboard , not hard , but enough to make himself feel better . I placed my hand on his and squeezed , letting him know I was here and I wasn 't going anywhere . " Do you ever feel invisible ? " He asked looking out the window . I laughed . Did I ever . My mom worked so much I hardly ever saw her , and my dad wasn 't home anymore . Cara was off to college , and she just thought of me as the silly kid sister . No one at Ridgeline knew I existed , even though I passed them in the halls every day . But instead of giving him that answer , I gave him the one I really felt was true . The one that I felt right then in that moment . " Not anymore . " I turned to look at him , and he met my eyes at the same time . Christy Sloat is a SoCal born girl who resides in New Jersey currently with her husband , two daughters and Sophie her Chihuahua . Christy has embraced the love of reading and writing since her youth and was inspired by her grandmother 's loving support . Christy passes that love of reading , writing , and creativity to her daughters , family , and friends . When you do not find Christy within the pages of a book you can find her being mommy , wife , crafter , and dear friend . She loves adventurous journeys with her friends and can be known to get lost inside a bookstore . Be sure to venture into her Past Lives Series , The Visitor 's Series , and watch for many more exciting things to come . Cursed by the malevolent spirit of the Headless Horseman , Ireland Crane ventures to Manhattan in search of a way to break her soul crushing bond . Instead , she discovers the lines between fact and fiction are blurring once more . Croaking ravens . Telltale hearts . Could the works of Poe be coming to pass with handsome Wall Street Midas Ridley Peolte as their unwilling target ? She walks the Earth , a plague on mankind , Together , the two unknowingly release a dark force death itself could not tame . Surrounded by the unrelenting violence and mayhem they 've unleashed , Ireland feels her control over the Horseman slipping . Before the beast within consumes her , she and her crew must follow the clues of the dead to right a centuries ' old wrong . Will it be enough to sate the Horseman 's appetite ? Hell hath no fury like a ghoul scorned . Clamping her eyes on the wash of tears that threatened , Ireland ignored the wailing of her heart … and laid a palm to each of their cheeks . One lone tear snuck between her lashes at the cascade of tingles seeping up her arms . " You can 't blame them for not understanding , " a familiar voice drawled behind her . She spun as he neared , leaving Rip and Noah wheezing for breath - or , more likely , completion of her task . Techno - colored flowers bloomed in a colorless world each time the sole of Ridley 's shoes met the earth . The crisp cut of his white , tailored suit was accented by a burst of color from the button - down shirt beneath that changed in hue to match the species of flowers that sprung to life . Hydrangeas blue . Orchid purple . Lily fuchsia . Rose coral . As he neared , Ireland noticed his eyes morphed to match as well . The result hypnotic . His haggard and troubled façade was a thing of the past . The man before her exuded confidence and a zest for life from every pore . The draw of which was so magnetic Ireland had to fight to keep her feet planted while her body insisted she close the distance between them . " To them this is a thrill , a game of chicken against the Reaper himself . " Ridley paused beside her , his shoulder skimming hers . Even then he didn 't grace her with a glance , his attention fixed on Rip and Noah . Tipping his head toward her , the warmth of his breath teased over her breast bone . " For us , it 's destiny . " The moment he stepped away from her , the chill of solitude lashed at Ireland 's soul and cut deep . Bending eye - level with her withering subjects , Ridley pursed his rose petal lips to blow a soft , healing breath over both of them . Wan complexions of the dying were ripened to plump apricot . Both men blinked away their disappointment before dipping in a low bow - foreheads to the ground in a show of respect . " No need for that , boys . " Ridley smoothed the front of his suit coat , a self - depreciating chuckle playing over his lips . Neither humbled servant budged . " You 're like me ? " Pacing in a slow circle around him , Ireland 's eye narrowed . He matched her steps , leading them in an intimate waltz normally reserved for predators - or lovers . " Like you ? " He tsked . " Oh no , my darling flower . There is no other like you . Our only similarity is being pawns in a game that began centuries before either of our fathers got an amorous gleam in their eyes . " Ireland 's gaze lingered over the soft curve of his mouth , wondering if his lips could possibly taste as delectable as they looked . " How do we play ? " Curling one finger into a ruffled tuft of her skirt , Ridley pulled her to him . Bowing his head , he brushed his cheek over the delicate curve of her collarbone . " The game is already in motion , " he murmured . " The rule sheet not meant for our eyes . All we can do now is stay alive . " Ireland weaved her fingers into his hair , yanking his head back with a passion driven force that bordered on violent . " I 've taken lives . I 'm a monster , " she snarled against his lips , tormenting them both with the agonizing veil of energy that denied their touch . His hand snaked up her arm to find her fingers and loosen her grasp . Palm to palm . Fingers entwined with fingers . " Does granting it make me any better ? " Ridley didn 't give her time to answer . With one hand pressed to the small of her back he crushed her to him . Their lips met with a desperate urgency that caused Heaven and Earth to quake in nervous anticipation of what was coming … ~ ~ ~ REVIEW ~ ~ ~ It is rare that a book comes along that renders me unable to write a review about it . Not that Raven was a bad read ; just the opposite in fact . I find myself befuddled when trying to write a coherent statement . How does one review the mind of Ridley and Poe ? Well , here goes . Rourke still brings the wit , humor and sarcasm that she is known for as she intertwines Washing Irving 's The Headless Horseman with the morbid , craziness that is Edgar Allan Poe . The cast you fell in love with from Crane ; Noah , the strong , mostly silent type , Rip with his selective narcolepsy , and Ireland the Hessian , all return in Raven . This unlikely trio sets off for Manhattan in search of why and by whom this curse has been placed on Ireland . What they find only adds more mystery to their situation . Meet Ridley . Ridley is the character you hate to love . One the one had he is a total sleaze ball , but on the other hand he is a frightened man who cannot escape the torment of seeing ghosts everywhere . Ridley is your Edgar Allan Poe . Like Crane , Raven is a two part tale with Ireland and crew in the present and the past is told by Poe . Put your thinking caps on folks because Rourke is taking us back to high school as she weaves in a few Poe classics like , Lenore , The Tell Tale Heart and The Masque of the Red Death into her plot . These references are fairly obvious but it may spark your interest enough to go back and reread them as I did . It added to the story for me . My favorite character in Raven is Lenore . She is bad ass and gives credence to the saying hell hath no fury like a woman scorned ! What Lenore unleashes in Manhattan should truly make any man think twice before pissing off a woman again . I loved this second installment in the Legends Saga . This story takes off on page one and never slows down . Stacey Rourke has unleashed another fantastic story for her readers to devour . Some of the residents of Sleepy Hollow are not who they appear to be . Who has called the Hessian forth ? Can a past injustice and a lost love be righted ? Most importantly who dawns the Hessian 's cloak in search of centuries old revenge ? Fans of The Gryphon Series will love that the main character , Ireland , carries on the author 's trademark witty , flirtatious , and sarcastic sense of humor . The climatic end to the novel left me sitting up in bed gripping my kindle at 2 : 00am . I was so engrossed in the story . My heart was pounding . My dogs were pacing not understanding the palpable tension that seemed to hang in the air as I neared the end of this tale . Even after finishing the story , putting down the kindle and snuggling back into bed ; scenes from the novel continued to dance in my head . I give this tale a 5 Star Review . Stacey Rourke weaves a tale that includes dark flashes from the past when Ichabod Crane first encountered the Horseman to present day Sleepy Hollow and the unexplained murders of 2 of its prominent residents . You will not be disappointed on the journey this book takes you . The Gryphon Series is written by Stacey Rourke . She lives in Michigan with her husband , two beautiful daughters , and two giant , drooly dogs . Stacey loves to travel , has an unhealthy shoe addiction and considers herself blessed to make a career out of talking to the imaginary people that live in her head . She is currently hard at work on the continuations of this series as well as other literary projects . The Gryphon Series is available wherever fine books are sold . Contact Info : Visit the author at www . staceyrourke . com Author 2 Girls & A BookCategories Book ReviewsPosted on September 22 , 2014Leave a comment Who We Were by Christy Sloat Today on the blog I am so please to have the award winning author , Christy Sloat . Christy is taking on a new genre for her when she unleashes her first contemporary romance to the world on Monday , September 15th . This book is creating a lot of buzz for the writer since it is such a deviation from her haunting Visitor 's Series . Having received an advance copy , I can safely say fans will be pleased with her new release . Summer school at Alcott High was only supposed to gain Sadie Peters extra credit , nothing more . Her goal wasn 't to make friends , or gain the attention of the most popular football player , yet she managed both . Her life was cruising along on course … until that summer . I was actually in the middle of writing a completely different story when the idea came to me . I was laying in bed thinking about how when I went to summer school before my senior year , it really changed me . And that was that . My story was born . Sadie 's character came first . And I didn 't even know there would be two male characters until I was in the middle of writing the book . Things can happen like that when you don 't expect it . 2 . How did you design such a beautiful cover ? I was lucky enough to meet a photographer who lives in Georgia . I wanted the models to be real teens who weren 't stock models . She did a private shoot just for the cover and within a few weeks , we had the shot . Then , from there the designer made it into the cover you see today . Yes , she shares a few qualities . Kyleigh in the book has hearing loss and my Kyleigh does as well . I wanted to have a diverse character who wasn 't like every other teen girl . Of course my Kyleigh is only nine so I 'm not sure what she 'll be like as a teenager , so I had to use my imagination there . My Kyleigh is gentle and kind and so is book Kyleigh . She 's everyone 's friend and I wanted that to stay true in the book as well . 4 . . Contemporary romance is a new genre for you . Can your fans expect more of this ? Yes absolutely . I love writing Paranormal and they can expect more of that in the future but writing contemporary romance was so much fun . I will continue to write both . Do you have a WIP that you can share with us ? Yes . I 'm actually writing a book called , The Librarian . I do not have an official blurb yet for it but I can give you the rough draft . Emme Bailey was enjoying her life as a college student until the day her Gram passed away . Emme must leave California and head back to Maine to bury the only family she ever knew . Emme only meant to stay long enough to find a replacement librarian for the library Gram owned . Being a small town librarian was not what Emme wanted for her future but when she finds a special set of books , she may change her mind . She begins reading them one dark wintery night and is pulled into the first chapter , literally . She finds herself in 1892 England on a sunny day staring at the ever so handsome Jack Ridgewell . With each chapter Emme learns that you can truly fall in love with a character in a book . Full of deep earth shattering romance these books show Emme that sometimes you never know what you want until you 're forced to turn the pages . Christy Sloat resides in New Jersey currently with her husband , two daughters and Sophie her Chihuahua . Christy has embraced the love of reading and writing since her youth and was inspired by her grandmother 's loving support . Christy passes that love of reading , writing , and creativity to her daughters , family , and friends . When you do not find Christy within the pages of a book you can find her being mommy , wife , crafter , and dear friend . She loves adventurous journeys with her friends and can be known to get lost inside a bookstore . Be sure to venture into her Past Lives Series , The Visitor 's Series , and watch for many more exciting things to come . Who We Were is a story that everyone can relate to no matter if you are 15 or 45 . It is so easy to put yourself into Sadie Peter 's shoes and immerse yourself in her life . High School is tough . Your world is changing . You are growing up and expanding your horizon . Sometimes this journey leads you to new people and experiences as you out grow and leave behind others . Sadie is learning this first hand during the summer before her senior year . As Sadie attends summer school to lighten her class load for next year , she decides to meet new people and reinvent how she and others see herself . Of course this doesn 't happen without creating ripples in her existing pool of relationships . That summer turns out to be a life altering experience for Sadie and those around her . Who among us hasn 't been through a similar situation ? This story takes a realistic view at growing up , growing apart , and growing into the person you were meant to be . This book has staying power . It will never go out of style . Who We Were deals with such a relevant topic ; you will be able to recommend it for generations . With Who We Were , Christy Sloat has shown the publishing world that she has what it takes to be a writer and contender in multiple genres . Christy has grown as a writer and it clearly shows in her latest work . I cannot wait to see what the future holds for this writer . Nineteen - year - old Onaiza Shahid is a loner and a dreamer , bookish and socially isolated . A chance ramble into chatting software changes everything . The words of a stranger compel her . Addicted and falling fast , their secret love changes her life . But will the idealistic teenager get her happily ever after ? Born on October 17 , 1990 in Islamabad , Pakistan , to a government officer and a homemaker , Xunaira J , as a child dreamed of being a writer . She always loved writing short stories and has been active on Helium ( www . helium . com ) as a creative writer . She has been a blogger and been writing articles on relationship and family for a long time . When she was young , she used to write for US Magazine . Currently , Xunaira is doing her Bachelors in Mobile and Ubiquitous Computing and writing at the same time . The name of her first book on Amazon Kindle is " The Cursed City " while her second book is a book of collective short stories which will be published in October , 2013 . Meanwhile , She is working on another Mystery / Romance novel which is almost reaching completion . She is anticipating to publish it sometime next year . In a constant battle between good and evil , evil is dominating the battlefield and leading mankind to its destruction . With our Creator 's intervention , a creature destined to conquer and destroy is created . He gives mankind hellhounds to fight back and reclaim freedom . Join seventeen year old Kasadya Levourne as she fights against evil to protect us . With each step , she faces destruction , and yet she has the talent to give it back tenfold . Stubborn and hard - headed she makes her mark in the Fallen world and starts a battle none can escape . Not even her trainer , the very attractive Chax de Luca , was prepared for her presence . Will evil prevail ? Or will Kas and her Fallen friends succeed in protecting us against it ? Hold on to your seats , this is going to be one hell of a ride . There was a time when heaven was filled with peace and serenity . God , Jesus Christ , and all the Angels lived in harmony ; no evil and no sin existed . Until one fateful day … With all gathered to hear their Sire speak , God rose and addressed his Angels . Before all , he proclaimed His Son , Jesus Christ , was equal to Him . That Christ 's words should be obeyed as if they were His own . Christ would command the heavens , with the same authority as Him . All the Angels bowed down before Christ and accepted their Sire 's proclamation , all except for one … An Archangel was furious with this proclamation . He was his Sire 's right hand , the deliverer of justice , the commander of many legions . He had served his Sire for centuries , and never failed him . It should be to him that God bestow power , not a Son whom had never even seen battle . With his heart filled with hatred and jealousy , he gathered all the angels in secret . He told them that their days of sweet liberty were at an end . That God has now placed Christ as their ruler and that they should now obey his wishes . Many angels were angered at such a false statement , but many also agreed with the Archangel . He had led them for many years ; why should they now question his leadership ? The faithful Angels fled to God and told Him what was happening , and together they prepared for war . With the sun rising on a new day , God and his Angels stood ready for battle against the Archangel and his followers . The battle only lasted a day , the Archangel and his followers defeated before the sun set for the night . Seeing the angels on their knees before Him , He gave them one final chance … " Repent and declare your loyalty , and I will forgive you , my children . " He told his beautiful angels , tears falling with each word . This was His family . This was His love . How could they betray Him ? Some of the Angels cried their penance , begging Him to forgive them for their deceit . They claimed that the Archangel deceived them , and they followed him into battle , as they have done for centuries . God took pity on them , but still believed that their deceit must not go unpunished . He had spoken many times about the importance of punishment , that lessons learned must be earned … " I herewith grant you mercy , but as punishment you will be sentenced to an earthly realm . I will take your beauty as payment for my children lost today . In the place of your beauty , I will give you purpose . In mercy , and because I love you still , I give you life in this realm . Let this be known , that I was merciful this day , " God finished . He placed them in an earthly realm , and called it Exsilium . In this realm they would carry their deceit , and earn their place with him . He took their beauty and replaced them with elements of his earth . Half would be of animal and element , and would resemble punishment . The other , in a humanoid form , and would resemble mercy . He called them his Fallen . The Archangel , and those whom did not repent , were not that lucky . God looked into the eyes of His once faithful angels and only saw destruction , hatred , jealousy , and heartache . He knew that His beloved ones had died this day , and that others needed to be protected . But how could you destroy one you loved ? He placed the Archangel , and his followers , in another earthly realm , but where Exsilium was above the earth , this one was in the center . With one wave of His hand , their beautiful forms were replaced with forms as ugly as their hatred and deceit . Using His word and blood , He sealed this realm from any other . As He looked into the many eyes of hatred , He spoke his final word … " This realm will be called Hell , and you will be called demons . You , my once faithful Archangel , you will be called the Devil . Your angel name will be erased from the past , present , and future . You will be forgotten , " He proclaimed and left them to their demise . Many years have passed since that day . God created mankind and cherished his new children . The male and female were his new hope ; in them he would find peace again . But the Devil had grown strong through the years , and somehow managed to enter God 's garden . Here , he found the female God created , using her to strike back . He whispered words of deceit in her ears , and watched as God 's new children stepped into sin . With her first bite , a crack appeared in the seal around Hell , and demons escaped to earth . From that day onward , the Devil and his demons created chaos amongst God 's new children , leading one after the other into sin . God looked upon this and decided to fight for his loved ones . He went to Exsilium and spoke to the Fallen … " You , my children , have proven your loyalty in the years that have passed , and so I came to offer you another chance at Heaven . If you slay the Devil and his demons to protect mankind , I will give you a place in my Heaven once again . With your last breath on this earth , you will join me and your brethren in Heaven , " He finished . The Fallen agreed and God gave them the power to move in and out of Exsilium to battle the demons . The war between Good and Evil began . But as mankind spread over the earth , sin became their followers . And with each sin , the demons grew stronger and created more demons to torture mankind . The Fallen were now fighting against millions ; they needed assistance to ensure victory . God had watched the battle from Heaven and saw that they were failing because of their numbers . He also saw that the demons grew stronger than the Fallen . He intervened and created a new creature . This creature would have features encompassing the best of both worlds . One half was as strong and loyal as the Fallen , while the other was as hard and enduring as a demon . This was His ultimate weapon . This would be His greatest creation . To ensure that these creatures could not be swayed , He placed Heaven 's soul into them . He called them His hellhounds . The hellhounds delivered justice swiftly , as strong and just as the Fallen . Yet hard and durable like the demons , they conquered the earthly realm and the demons retreated . Not one hellhound could be swayed . All stayed true to their calling . God , knowing that the Devil and many more demons had retreated , gave His hellhounds life , and offered them a place among the Fallen . Kassadya Hellhound Awakened is an action packed paranormal tale . In Book 1 of the series , we meet Kassadya who has just learned she and her family will be returning to Exsilium where she will train at Hellhouse . Quite a change for a seventeen year old ; even if she is a hellhound . Her time is limited at hellhouse because she is captured by a demon . Kasadya has to reach deep within herself to unleash her inner hellhound in an effort to survive this new hell . The story explodes from here and does not slow down . Kasadya is faced with sacrificing herself for the good of others and finds an unlikely friend and partner in the process . Kasadya is back in Exsilium and finds her world a little different . Her half - breed fallen friends join her , and they are ordered to complete their apprentice training in order to obtain the right to be guardians . She must learn that her own fate cannot be denied and that others are set to follow . But most of all , she must learn that to trust is the greatest battle of all . The tables are turned and Kasadya is put to the test . Will she be able to prevent her own death , or that of a friend ? Or will her actions call forth the destruction of Earth and Exsilium ? Kasadya Hellhound Twisted did not skip a beat . It instantly picked up where Awakened ended and just like Awakaened , Twisted does not disappoint . There are secrets and twisits around every corner and the true nature of some is revealed . I love the kick ass female lead ! Kasadya delivers as the sarcastic , witty , hard knocks hellhound . This book has it all ; demons , angels , friendships and romance . It is an action pack thrill ride from start to finish . An excellent series for the adrenaline junkie in your booknerds group . Book Info - Kasadya is ordered to unleash her crazed born transformation to complete her divinity . But there is a chance that her born will be uncontrollable , and she will be destroyed . There is just one person that can save her ; her charm , her destined mate . Left without a choice , she must surrender , and place her life in his hands . In a race against time , the Fallen must stand together and fight the evil threatening to invade earth . If her divinity was in reach , victory would be theirs . That is until she starts having visions of the final battle , and her true destiny is revealed . She just found her love and place in the Fallen world ; will she be able , and willing , to sacrifice it all ? " I am so sorry , Chax . This is the only way ; we can 't win any other way . I know ; I have seen the end too many times , " I replied . " I want to thank you … for being there for me . For searching for me when I went missing . For enduring all of my crap . I am sorry I messed up so many times . But not this time ; this I promise . But most of all , thank you for loving me . " Even my mental voice broke down on the last part . " Kas , let us help you ! " Lotan yelled . My friends , my family were still trying to save me . Tears ran down my own face now . I used my g - force punches to clear the masses out of my way . When that stopped working , I started shifting . Demons grabbed at me and some got in a slice or two . But I wasn 't stopping . I saw Ballen trying to flee from me . He thought I was heading for him . Good . I needed him on the other side when I blew it up . Using my wings for momentum , I sent a massive g - force punch into the horde that remained between me and my target . They flew backwards , clearing the way for me to advance . I swiped at a few too close and took their heads . Blood sprayed all over me . Searching for the hole to make sure I was heading in the right direction , I saw the shoulders and arms of something freaking big , already beginning to breach . I lifted up with my wings . They were tired , but I had no other option . Now I had the flying demons to contend with . We fought and sliced and I sent a few down to earth without a head . At last , I was advancing on the hole . Pain shot through my left wing and I tumbled to the ground , hitting hard . At the last moment I made sure that the front of my body hit the ground and not the back . Demons jumped me all at once . Ballen was yelling at them to stop me . I used everything I had left and flung out with my wings and arms . They went flying and just in front of me was the hole with the devil stuck in it . Ballen was standing at the entrance watching me , his face a mask of shock . With a deep breath , I reached for the pouch and took hold of the balls . Now armed and ready , I just had a few feet to go . I stormed through the demons , not caring if they sliced me open . I wasn 't stopping for a fight anymore . I held the balls to my chest , sealing them from any other impact . Then , finally , I was at the entrance of the hole . With the last of my strength , I leaped into the air and went flying straight for it . There were many things that go through your mind that moment before you die . I remembered my first step into Exsilium . Meeting Lada and Nanini . Meeting Chax and hating my first day . I remembered our fun at the beach , the Hellhouse and the grub spot . Seeing Lada and Lotan kissing for the first time . Meeting Max and Ryan , and then all of the rest . My heart no longer troubled by Kali or Seth or all the others who had betrayed me . I remembered finding Chax and the Fallen again . Seeing my parents again . So many memories bombarded me at that last moment . I remembered my day and night with Chax , and how it felt to be loved . I remembered why I was doing this . For them I gave my heart , my life . Ballen 's shocked face was in front of me , right in my path . Just when I reached him , I dropped the balls and slammed into him . For centuries his only reason for existence was to destroy evil . But when he finally found his mate , that all changed for the deadly Chax De Luca . When the hellhound Kasadya captured his heart , he surrended it to her , thinking he 'd finally found what he 'd been looking for . Little did he know that his mate would sacrifice herself to save them all . His fury is legend . His wrath , merciless . His love for his mate , undeniable . He 's going to hell to retrieve his heart , and if that means that he must destroy hell itself , then so be it . Kasadya awakes to a world in peril , her mate forever changed , and a war filled with evil creatures intending to enter Earth 's realm and destroy all that she holds dear . Can she complete her divinity in time to save her loved ones and mankind ? Will she have to choose ? Or will all be lost in the final battle ? I am a complete book addict , and really proud of it . My entire world is made of books . From reading to writing to blogging to helping other authors . A day without my world of books would be impossible . I am a mother of three , two boys and a little princess . Happily married for 8 years with my high school sweetheart . I live in South Africa , just on the rims of the Kalahari Desert in a small town with one shop and friendly faces . Author 2 Girls & A BookCategories Book Excerpt , Book ReviewsPosted on September 11 , 2014September 9 , 2014Leave a comment Journey to Believe Hope Live in Augusta , Maine Part 1 The morning started out like any other , it was warm , humid as my hubby drove me to the airport . It was quick and easy to get checked in and on my flight headed to Dulles International Airport . Arrival at Dulles was anything but simple . Compared to Savannah this airport was huge . I walked for miles before reaching the exit doors where I was to meet Kristin Clark for the first time . True , we had spoken on the phone countless times but this was different . Finally a face to face with first author I had served as personal assistant to . Lots of emotions were spilling over me ; nervousness , excitement , fangirl giddiness ! Kristin thought it would be cute to play a trick on me by calling me to say she was at a different airport . Luckily I spotted her a few cars down . Meeting Kristin for the first time was fantastic . We hugged like old friends and I was immediately at ease . She is so chill and down to earth . I also got to meet her friend from high school , Roberta , who would be joining us on this adventure too . Robert was super sweet . I am so glad I got to meet and hang out with her . The three of us headed off to meet Elizabeth Kirke for lunch . Fangirl moment # 2 on the trip ! Honestly , I was more nervous about meeting Elizabeth Kirke . The woman is a genius . Since I act as her PA also I wanted to make a good impression . We arrived at a little deli to find EK sitting at a small table outside . She recognized us instantly . Elizabeth is so tiny , bursting with energy ; and not at all intimidating . Kristin was fangirling it up too since we both fans of Elizabeth 's More Than Magic Series . We even got signed copies of EK 's books ! After that Roberta , Kristin and I were off to complete our 13 hour journey to Augusta , Maine . Yep . You read that correctly 13 HOURS in a car ! It was an interesting journey . First let me say that it felt like 12 of those hours were spent in Pennsylvania . I didnt think I would ever get out of that state . Interesting fact ; did you know that there is a place called Intercourse PA ? Me either but it was on a shot glass so it must be true . I had pizza in New Jersey . Yum . I think I had a potty break in every state . Yes , I am that passenger . I always have to go . We also learned that the GPS is more of guide on how to get somewhere cause Kristin has her own plan of travel . If you have read Kristin 's book The Chosen ( did you notice the plug ) , then you know about the ancient witches who the descendants receive their powers from . So we girls were talking about the power of the mind and controlling things when Roberta chimes in that Kristin should pay close attention to any animals on the side of the road ( its late at this point ) . Kristin says if it runs out it is dead and then this happens … an animal , lets say it was owl ( there is some debate ) , flys out and is hit by the car ! Moral of this story , the mind of a female is a powerful thing and don 't piss off Kristin cause she will run over you ! We finally arrived in Maine well after midnight , and stopped off at the Maine was by far the most intriguing and adventurous stop on our trek . In the south we have deer crossing signs . In Maine they have moose crossing signs . Way cooler . But alas we didn 't see Bullwinkle . We stopped at the Maine Welcome Center and Rest Area for what else but a bathroom break . Roberta was walking around the parking lot while Kristin and I went inside the center . Shortly after Roberta came running in exclaiming that she was attacked by a bat ! Okay , so I am a southern gal . We have bats . The fly around the security lights and eat bugs . They don 't attack people . This news didn 't comfort Roberta who insisted she was attacked . Welcome to the exotic paradise of Dasia Island . In the Elysium Resort , nestled among the lush beauty of the rainforest , adventure and romance await . In these nine short stories by bestselling and award winning authors , passion ignites between people from all walks of life , with stories ranging from New Adult to Erotic Romance , and even a bit of Paranormal and Time Travel thrown in - after all the island itself has a mystical history , with mysteries and legends to explore . Lose yourself in the magic of the island … you 'll never want to go home again ! She 's a rich , spoiled brat . He 's a smarmy know - it - all . Chloe Sanders came to Dasia Island to lie on the beach and go to the spa . Chase Watkins is roughing in the rainforest with a research group , studying wildlife . The two couldn 't be more different , but in the swelter and mystery of the island , opposites just might attract . Fans of Alicia Michaels ' V - Card are sure to love this short story . Remember Chloe , Jenn 's fashionista roommate ? Well , this short story is all about Chloe and her hook up on the island . By the way , Alicia drops a major bombshell ! You don 't want to miss this . Criminal attorney Jared Greer cares about one thing : the next big case . He doesn 't think about right or wrong ; just a paycheck . A potential client brings him to Daisa Island where he teams up with Monica , an island local . Working together makes Jared reconsider his life ; especially if he wants Monica in it . Gar Lancaster wasn 't depressed , no matter what his sister said . He didn 't need a trip to a tropical island to meet some guy for a vacation romance . But when Mike Peters kissed him on the balcony under a sea of stars with the pounding waves hitting the shore below them , things changed . Maybe he didn 't need a happily ever after . Maybe happily for right now would be okay . Whatever happened , Gar was pretty sure he was in over his head . A contemporary M / M romance staring Gar Lancaster . Gar may not be looking for love but a vacation fling maybe just what he needs on Dasia Island . The loss of their son in a tragic accident left Jameson and Victoria Blake 's marriage in tatters . Together they were never able to move past it , and they parted waves after a painful divorce . But in the wilds of the rainforest , the realization that love has never died between them will rise to the surface . This may be a short story but Elise Marion packs in the feels . You may need the tissues on this one . She definitely gained a new fan in me ! Hands off . That 's Gemma Sands ' cardinal rule when it comes to dating co - workers . But she would like to get her hands on Michael Harmon . An unexpected layover in Dasia Island forces the two to share a room , & they are unable to resist there passion & surrender to every touch they desperately need . Garrick Kaili Langston ( Kai ) , heir to the Euthykhia Hotel , remains on Dasia Island out of a loyalty to his family . But this building harbors some dark secrets - unsolved mysteries that haunt one its oldest residents . Some say Poppy Drummond had been swallowed by the deadly mist near the Dasia ruins . Others claim such notions are merely the product of a crazy mind . Kai is about to find out . Can a 40 + year old murder be solved when Poopy Drummond returns from the mist in present day ? What lengths will the Langston family go to to keep their secrets ? Will Poppy find love after all ? This is a great little mystery with a surprise ending . Don 't assume you know who did it … This is one of my top picks from HSN . Alyssa Monroe always dreamed of escaping to exotic locales as a photographer . Unfortunately , she 's spent the last four years capturing a truly frightening species , celebrities . When the opportunity presents itself to visit the exotic Dasia island , Alyssa is thrilled . Now if she can deal with the only guide willing to take her deep into a forbidden forest . A sexy , tattooed local who sets her blood on fire and gets her camera finger itching . On Dasia island , there is a legend about a city of sin , a tragic story that ended in a mist of death . Haven Ambrose is Journalism major on a mission . River Brayden is a meteorologist with a tropical system to follow . Their love is strong , but is it strong enough to survive a storm that leaves them stranded with an ancient evil ? The editor definitely saved the best for last . I have read works by a few of the authors in this collection but Mrs . R . K . Ryals was a first for me . Her short immediately pulled me into Haven and River 's lives . Their story actually began in The Singing River and I am pleased to say I snagged a sign copy of it recently . These short stories are here to introduce you nine fantastic authors . Maybe some you haven 't read before but well worth the price to take a chance on . I discovered the talents of Elise Marion , Natalie G . Owens and R . K . Ryals . Who will you find ? Author 2 Girls & A BookCategories Book ReviewsPosted on September 3 , 2014September 3 , 2014Leave a comment Taste Test by LB Dunbar I am so please to welcome LB Dunbar to the blog once again . Today she is releasing Taste Test , Book 2 in the Sensations Collection . I had the pleasure of receiving an arc of Taste Test and LB 's fans will be pleased to hear that Taste Test is even better than Book 1 , Sound Advice . Taste Test resonated with me . I highly recommend picking this one up ! I was about to find out when a mysterious job led to the secluded home of a horror novelist . I 'd lost everything : my scholarship , my education , and my way . In denial of my family inheritance , I took the unusual employment as a chance out of a hole , but I found myself buried in the unknown trauma of another situation much deeper . I had changed my name and my address to keep myself hidden , but my scars were more than physical . Living as a recluse in the woods , I was used to being alone , so I wasn 't happy when a certain someone was always in my space . Our first encounter was less than pleasant and tension continued at every attempt to tame me . I knew she was keeping secrets and I wanted to help , but she was cutting me down and cutting me off every time she opened her mouth . Our frustration with one another grew until a misunderstanding changed everything . How can I be the next guy after something so tragic ? It was a challenge I wasn 't sure I was willing to take . L . B . Dunbar loves to read to the point it might be classified as an addiction . The past few years especially she has relished the many fabulous YA authors , the new genre of New Adult , traditional romances , and historical romances . A romantic at heart , she 's been accused of having an overactive imagination , as if that was a bad thing . When not reading , she 's usually driving one of her four growing children somewhere . She grew up in Michigan , but has lived in Chicago for longer , calling it home with her husband and children . I 'd like to say I was always a writer . I 'd also like to say that I wrote every day of my life since a child . That I took the teaching advice I give my former students because writing every day improves your writing . I 'd like to say I have my ten - thousand hours that makes me a proficient writer . But I can 't say any of those things . I did dream of writing the " Great American Novel " until one day a friend said : Why does it have to be great ? Why can 't it just be good and tell a story ? I can say that books have been my life . I 'm a reader . I loved to read the day I discovered " The Three Bears " as a first grader , and ever since then , the written word has been my friend . Books were an escape for me . An adventure to the unknown . A love affair I 'd never know . I could be lost for hours in a book . So why writing now ? I had a story to tell . It haunted me from the moment I decided if I just wrote it down it would go away . But it didn 't . Three years after writing the first draft , a sign ( yes , I believe in them ) told me to fix up that draft and work the process to have it published . That 's what I did . But one story let to another , and another , and another . Then a new idea came into my head and a new storyline was created . I was accused ( that 's the correct word ) of having an overactive imagination as a child , as if that was a bad thing . I 've also been accused of having the personality of a Jack Russell terrier , full of energy , unable to relax , and always one step ahead . What can I say other than I have stories to tell and I think you 'll like them . If you don 't , that 's okay . We all have our book boyfriends . We all have our favorites . Whatever you do , though , take time for yourself and read a book . It is not often that a book leaves me speechless but that is just what happened with Taste Test . This story brings out the feels . To better express this , here is my favorite quote from the book ; " I realized that within her I saw a beautiful woman who was equal parts strong and vulnerable . She was lonely but confident in herself . She was irrational but focused on her future . She was in need of a friend and a lover ; and I wanted to be both for her . " Ella , while flawed in her own mind , is strong and resilient . She is my favorite character . She has endured a painful , loveless past and is striving to put her life back on track . As Ella says in the book , her plans have been delayed , not derailed . I find her an admirable character . While Taste Test is the second book in the Sensations Collection , you do not have to have read Book 1 , Sound Advice , to follow along . To me , this story is deeper and I felt more connected to the characters this time . Perhaps it was the tragic under tone of the whole book that swept me up . Taste Test is a contemporary romance but it at its heart it is so much more . It is a story of perseverance . A story of carving your path and not just following others ; a story of the healing power of love , patience and understanding .
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Yesterday was a little slice of grad school in the middle of the summer . Not even the middle of the term , as we haven 't even started that yet . You will recall that my trip down to the LA Times Festival of Books in April was my first time meeting up with a group from my program , off - campus . I had yet to do so with the northern California folk . Luckily , my friend Pia arranged a little get - together for us at her house in San Francisco yesterday , so we could make good on something we 've been talking about doing for a long time . 1 ) PLEASE drop everything and go read this lovely essay Dorothy just had published on The Rumpus last weekend . She describes an experience with her elderly father that still stuns me . I promise you will not be sorry you read this thing with your eyes . Homegirl can write . It 's about a two hour drive from my house to SF , but it flew by . Dorothy and I haven 't seen each other since Palm Springs ( just emailed . . . snail mailed . . . Facebook messaged . . . ) , and we talked writing all the way . Gah . So nice to have friends with whom I can nerd out and use the shorthand and feel understood . Just . Awesome . And Dorothy is just everything you could want in a friend , anyway . Just a pleasure . We got to SF in five minutes , it felt like . Since we were early , I did what I love to do : I made Dorothy show me where she grew up . She lived in the city until junior high . We found her old house in the Outer Sunset ( by Ocean Beach and the Zoo ) and she showed me her elementary school . I love to see people in the places they used to live , hear them talk about the things they remember . After our trip down memory lane , we headed across town to Pia 's . To my great pleasure , my GPS took us through St . Francis Wood . HOLY CRAP . Beautiful . Yes , progress reports . A paragraph - ish each from our professors about our progress in the program . Guess how long those were a secret ? Yeah , not long . But look ! Some more familiar voices came in the mail yesterday to add to this growing stack . . . my summer of reading professor books continues . This has been a delightful reading project . Lactobacillus . Specifically , lactobacillus sanfranciscensis , in my first sourdough bread starter . How cool is it that the bacterium that gives sourdough its sour taste is named after San Francisco ? Pretty cool , that 's how much . Thank you , Michael Pollan , for teaching me that little factoid . And for the recent inspiration to try growing a new type of good bacteria in my kitchen , keep putting good bugs in my belly . I started my starter about a week ago with just flour and water , and it 's been growing in a jar on top of my fridge all week . Every night I pull it down and feed it more flour and water and E looks at me like I 'm a crazy person . But it worked ! SCIENCE ! ! ! Today I had a big , beautiful , bubbly starter . And by this afternoon I had two puffy , mishappen loaves of sourdough . It kind of freaks me out that there 's yeast and bacteria and all that junk just . . . around , in the air and on our skin and such . But then it 's kind of awesome , too , that you can make a starter with just bread and water . And GOD , I love me some bread . I am Captain NotPaleo . I 've got one more rise happenin ' as I type , and then we 're having one of those loaves with dinner . My garden is producing nicely , now too . Tomatoes are finally ripening , and all of the sudden , cucumbers are happening , man . Finally the lemon cukes are catching up to the Armenians . Here it is now ( below ) . I 'm sure you 'll look at this picture and go , ew , gross , weeds . But I swear to you , I am out there all the time weeding , but the damn things just GROW LIKE WEEDS . I just can 't keep up . I 'm trying . I am SO trying . Don 't judge . ( And yeah , that one zucchini plant in the front is going to get ripped out soon for being too ostentatious and taking up errbody else 's space . Rude . ) 3 . Insanely cluttered child room - cleaning anxiety / stuffed animal mountain - related anxiety . See also : How Did We Ever Acquire So Much Stuff ? anxiety . 4 . Shame / guilt - related anxiety related to : How Much Stuff We Own / Let Our Kids Have anxiety . ( See : Are we good people ? anxiety . ) 6 . Sideways , surprise anxiety ( ! ) spurred by well - intentioned act of giving your home address over the phone to sweet , slightly dim ladies who answer your Craigslist ad about bike you will be selling tomorrow . Because , well , they want to come see it tonight . And , well , you don 't know the first thing about Craigslist but you were trying to be proactive , and you are not thinking properly because your head has been in baby clothing tubs for three days and your brain has been also steeped in estrogen . And when husband points out to you that giving strangers your home address without specific established meeting parameters was a bad , bad idea , the kind of idea that makes people get robbed by the ones doing the calling and pretending to be sweet ladies , a generalized evening - long anxiety sets in because clearly you were the one who was kind of dim about this . Then , 11 . Anxiety related to being alone ( again ) in the driveway before 7 : 00 AM because husband has left to go hang up signs for garage sale and you are not sure you can drag everything out alone or shoo away the early onlookers . You do not successfully shoo away the early onlookers who show up and try to intimidate you into selling things inside your garage that are not for sale , which confirms for you that you were right to be anxious about this . ( But you do not have panic attack # 3 about it , so : win . ) 12 . A kind of unease about the fact that any number of family members WILL show up to your sale today and see things they bought for you and / or your kids for sale on your driveway . Guilt / shame / anxiety / fear related to this . But inability to change any of the factors , so . 13 . A worry ( lighter than anxiety , but still ! ) that maybe you made your kids give up too much for the sale , you were too mean about it . A feeling you can only describe as I should keep everything that everyone has ever given to me , ever . Even though you know this means you would soon not be able to walk in your house . 14 . A lifetime of math anxiety in your head when you try to make change for the first customer . See : your complete and total inability to add things quickly , deal with numbers without wanting to just quit . See : every bit of fear / worry related to your synesthesia , the whole color / number thing , and giving the correct change . Doubt your intelligence every time you hand someone cash all day . 15 . Panic attack # 3 : A lady brings up some baby clothes to buy , including a reallyimportantandspecial thing you somehow managed to miss when you sorted the tubs of stuff . You try really hard not to cry . You pick it up and it smells like your infant child . You 're pretty sure you ovulate right there in the driveway . But you let the outfit go . Even though maybe you feel a phantom milk let - down . 16 . ANGRY ANXIETY when the tricky garage sale people come . The ones who try to pile shit up and get you to take $ 20 for $ 50 worth of clothes . Nope , you say . Nope , nope . No . You walk away . 17 . Shaky anxiety when the even bolder tricksters descend in groups and try to come at you from all around and work negotiations from three sides and three piles and work your non - math brain against you . Nope , you say , you cannot have all those clothes for $ 20 . All I am asking is 50 cents apiece and you can 't even get clothes for that at the thrift store . And you believe this in your heart because you were just at the thrift store and they certainly did not have this kind of adorable , well preserved clothing there , the kind that still smells like your infants ' heads and feels like love . Not for fifty cents , not for less than the price of a soda . No , you 're shaking but those ladies scowling at you can go to hell and they can get off your lawn because you are not selling your memories for nothing . You are not giving them away unless you feel like it is to someone who needs it , not to someone who is trying to beat you at a game . 18 . Tired anxiety . Will - this - sale - ever - end anxiety . I - am - so - hot - I - can 't - keep - doing - this anxiety . 19 . Brief : anxiety related to the fact that you think someone might sneak in the house and steal the piles of twenties your husband has left neatly stacked out in the open . Decide this is the kind of thing he 's always telling you to stop worrying about . Stop worrying about it . Feel proud of yourself . 20 . Panic attack # 4 : When it 's all done and put away . For no reason at all . Over money ( which you suddenly have more of , thanks to the garage sale ) . But what you have not had a lot of over the last four days is sleep , sanity , or rest . Fight with your husband , cry . Do your whole panic thing . I 'm fascinated by them . In fact , hoarders have made it into my fiction - writing more often than anything else thus far . My writing is in its infancy , but clearly this is a subject I find rife with inspiration . No less than three of the stories in my collection for my thesis feature some kind of hoarder , including one woman who hoards cats . I 'm fascinated by the things people keep , what made them start , what prevents them from being able to get out from under the clutter . More than one Sunday afternoon I 've lost to a marathon of A & E 's Hoarders , thinking I 'll just watch one more . And pretty soon it 's 11 : 00 PM and I realize those are hours I can 't ever get back . And I 'm amazed by the stories that still make it into the news . That 's some straight up Edgar Allen Poe business . So I guess I shouldn 't have been surprised last night when I was a big , dripping , emotional mess when faced with ten years ' worth of boxes holding every piece of our children 's clothing they 've worn since they were born . Yes , every piece of clothing . I 'll get to that in a minute . But before I go any further I feel like you should know this : I 'm not a hoarder . This isn 't my big hoarder confession piece . What I always wonder , watching the hoarder shows or reading the hoarder stories : what was the original , logical thought that preceded the craziness ? The rational thinking before things unspooled and got out of control ? It seems like there must have been one . We don 't come out of the womb dragging 30 years ' back issues of the New York Times or 11 grocery bags full of rotting melon . So at some point , people take a turn in the road and they can 't deal . With our baby clothes , I feel the divergence of my own rational and emotional thought . It is one of the only areas of " keeping " in my life , and not even for the purpose you might suspect . Not because I 'm so sentimental that I can 't bear to part with a single object of clothing that touched my sweet babies ' soft skin . Nope . It started being about thrift . It started being about future plans , and the unknown . And then , well , we didn 't know . We always said we 'd have more kids . By default , E had stayed home with the first two ( which was how we thought of them : first ) when they were babies . By default . Because I had a job that paid well , and eventually he was back in school . And at the time , it made more sense . I made him swear up and down that I could stay home with the next one ( s ) . I went back to work and cried at my desk in between class periods and my breasts ached until they dried up and I made myself not come home for lunch anymore because it was too hard to leave my infants to go back to teach selfish teenagers who hated me . I had no idea how my body would rail against being away from my babies . But I steeled myself against the agreement we made because I 'd agreed to it , because I could do something by earning money for my family , and because it promised something different , later . And still , we were keeping everything , all these clothes . Because we were poor , barely making it to the end of any month . E was in law school and practically every year I got told the state budget didn 't look good , so every year E cleaned out the kids ' dressers and packed them up into tubs in the attic . If we ever found ourselves expecting accidentally , we didn 't want to also find ourselves unable to pay for clothing for Junior . And for a long time we thought we might plan Junior , too . But life happened . Our marriage got hard , harder , too hard , and we separated with the intent to divorce . We left the baby clothes where they were . I wasn 't able to even think about them , only that somewhere in those tubs upon tubs upon tubs were maybe a handful of special things I wanted to keep . So I left them alone . We came back together . The tubs just stayed . And eventually enough time passed that I came to a pretty significant realization . Two , actually . First , feeling like I missed out on staying home with Addie and Henry was not a good reason to have another baby , if it was the only reason . And second - - the bigger of the two realizations - - it wasn 't another baby I wanted . It was Henry and Addie as babies I wanted more of . Our family was complete as it was . Nothing was missing . We agreed . E had surgical intervention to make sure there would be no more babies . It was done . We were done . And yet every summer for the last three , when he wanted to drag all the tubs down out of the attic , I 've panicked . The same way I 'm panicking as I think about whether or not I 'll have a hysterectomy to deal with my frustratingly unruly uterus . These are things I don 't need anymore , but they 're signs of time passing . Of life moving on . Of permanence . Of my fertility being over . I sat last night folding clothes and crying and feeling numb in my upper arms . Every piece of clothing I touched was from another time when I thought things were going to be different . It 's not that I 'm unhappy with how they are , but I was sitting on my carpet in the middle of Thomas the Tank Engine shirts and sequined Ariel costumes , crying for the things I thought were going to happen . Last night E was so good to me . He brought me tub after tub and just put them in front of me , requiring little more than for me to lean forward and go through each one . He switched off the TV when it became apparent that I couldn 't focus coherently on any kind of narrative , even the one in the conversation between the two of us . 98 % of the clothes , I didn 't care about , I wanted to get rid of . I know I 'll feel better once they 're out of our attic . I don 't like clutter . But what scares me about this process , the reason I 've been avoiding it , is that I 'm terrified there 's something important in there I 'm going to miss . The kiddos were gone all last week to do swim lessons and stay with their grandparents in Placerville . E and I drove up ( as usual ) for the last day so we could see everything they 've learned before taking them home . This year there was a lot of diving and jumping off the diving board . Let 's talk about that . From my bathroom ? I 'm supposed to be doing this from my bathroom while I 'm trying to manage a medical condition that 's medieval , at best ? Or in this imagined scenario , am I supposed to be scanning this package in the store before I get the things home ? Because , why ? This is all part of the great mystery to me , part of what has kept me for months trying to decode the intent behind such a marketing strategy . I can go ahead and admit that I am dismayed or frustrated or even grossed out by many companies ' marketing choices , anyway . I 'm looking at you , Charmin . Enjoy the go ? Really ? You had a meeting of grown - ups where somebody pitched an idea where bears would tell people to feel good pooping and you were like YES , YES , THAT IS GOLD . PUT A TEAM ON IT ? And , a word about my current level of enthusiasm for my reproductive system : it is quite low . Our relationship has been troubled since about 13 , but we incubated some amazing new humans in our twenties . Now we 're done with that babies thing , and she 's decided she 's going out in a blaze of glory , resulting in my not being able to teach a one hour English class or sit through a one hour lecture at grad school without worry that I will leak through whatever barricades of feminine protection I have laid in as insurance against awful , embarrassing incidents that make one look as though it 's seventh grade all over again and one does not yet know how to be a woman . Many times I just imagine that I would scan it and it would just be this clown face , laughing . Just this awful , mean laugh . Over and over again , chortling at my week of pain , my frustration with the fact that I can 't do much but wait this out until it comes again next month . We 've been wanting to take Henry to Legoland since he was tiny . The dude loves his Legos and he and E love to build things together . I knew nothing about Legoland before we went , and tried to go into it with as open a mind as possible , although I 'd heard from friends not to expect too much . It was okay . Just okay . Henry had a blast , and I 'm not sure he noticed the difference . Particularly since he spent last year 's Disneyland vacation barfing in a hotel room rather than seeing what a quality theme park experience looks like . E and I felt the same about it , though . We both wanted it to be way better than it was . Especially for what it cost us , which ( even after the AAA discount ) was well over $ 250 for the four of us for a day . My friend JA put it best when she told me : if you 're going to charge that much in a world where Disney is doing what they 're doing , you better bring it . Legoland , unfortunately , is not bringing it . Lots of little details in the park went unnoticed , like how clean things were and whether or not they were repaired and maintained . Things the employees did just didn 't make sense - - they kept telling people that the lines were too long so they should get out of them . Some of the rides were just odd or really boring . But we had a great day - - don 't get me wrong - - we made our own fun and we were all happy . I just don 't think we 'll go back , which is too bad . Our second day in San Diego was kind of a lazy day . We headed over to UC San Diego so we could show the kids a college campus . When I visited in February with my school 's AVID program , I knew it would be a good campus to show our kiddos . E and I are trying hard to make college a part of our family discussion - - not just the fact that we want them to go there , but the how and the why and the what it looks like when you do . And we want them to feel comfortable with the idea that they can ( and should ) go . So we 've been talking about making college visits a part of our family vacations as they get older so they can have an idea of how different schools feel . This seemed like a good place to start . UCSD is pretty kid - friendly . There 's a lot of cool stuff to look at and it 's right by the ocean . Plus , it 's home to the Theodor Geisel Library ( yeah , that Theodor Geisel ) , which is just a neat building . Visiting the school was one of the best things we did on the trip . All of us thought so . It inspired so much amazing conversation with the kids . We walked all over campus , answering their questions about everything from classes to majors to where you live and what you do when you go to a university . We took them to the bookstore and let them buy t shirts and stuff . We ate lunch in the food court at the Panda Express on campus . At that point , Henry announced that he 'd only seen one college so far , but he was pretty sure he was going to this one . I 'm sure he thinks he can major in Orange Chicken . Our last day in San Diego we went to the San Diego Zoo and it surpassed our expectations . I wouldn 't say I think of myself as a zoo person , necessarily , but it was fascinating and so beautifully maintained and the animals seem to be cared for very well . It 's gigantic . There was no way we could see everything ; but we saw most of it and we had a wonderful day . If you go , I recommend taking the bus tour around the park first so you can see where everything is ( and see a good portion of the animals ) , and then head out on foot to get a closer look at things you want to see . ( I was grateful we got that advice from several people . ) I highly recommend the zoo , as does everyone else I 've ever talked to . It 's wonderful .
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" I came home drunk one night and started masturbating in the bathroom . Because I was drunk , I wasn 't getting good sensation . I squatted and screwed a burned out light bulb into my ass . When I came I fell backwards and broke the light bulb . It took a lot of straining , digging and tearing to get the metal out of my ass . I bled for two days . I don 't use anything breakable anymore . " " The only thing I could find to masturbate with was a candle , and I was using that when my parents walked in . I faked being asleep , and after a while I feel asleep for real . When I woke up the candle had melted in me and it took me two weeks to get all the wax out of me . " " I was about 14 or so , and a regular self - diddler . One day I woke up from a nap on the couch & felt a little horn - ay & since I thought I was alone I decided to go at it , using my patented middle - finger technique . I finished with a huge moan … then suddenly I heard something , like a person clearing his throat . MY DAD WAS IN THE ROOM , sitting in his recliner - he had been there the entire time ! I pretended I was sleeping and stayed there for at least an hour on the couch until my dad left the room . I was so utterly and totally mortified I have never even spoken of this until now . My dad , thankfully , never mentioned it , either . " " I was a 16 - year - old girl visiting my very old - school grandparents while on summer break . I had also recently discovered the joys of masturbation . For some reason , I decided to see if I could fit my entire hand into my vagina . Well , I managed to fit it , but I couldn 't get it back out . I had to call my grandmother for help . She couldn 't get it out , either . I wound up wrapped in a blanket , sitting in the emergency room . The nice doctor managed to lube me up and stretch me enough to finally get it out . " " This is mortifying . I still shiver and block it out when the memory arises : I tended to use whatever was available at the age of 16 ; in my case , my little sister 's Ken doll was just the right size . Being widely uneducated about how it all worked down there at that point , I would just sit on it and rock . Well , we all know how easily those Ken heads popped off … yep . Into the vajayjay . The problem was , I could not get it out myself . I flipped completely out , thoughts of it going up into my uterus and damaging my internal organs ( again , not properly educated ! ) flying through my panic - induced brain . What did I do ? I told my mother . Took a deep breath , then blurted , " I was masturbating with a Ken doll and the head came off inside me ! " The look on her face was a mixture of anger , disappointment , and embarrassment . But she took me upstairs , and attempted to get it out . I was crying , mortified to the core . " When I was 19 I got drunk by myself . I was feeling really horny , and since I did not have a boyfriend at the time , I went to the fridge to look for something to masturbate with . All I found was a sausage , the kind that is about one - and - a - half inches around . I used that in both my vagina and ass and then passed out . The next morning I woke up and could tell I had something inside of me in both orifices , the back was easy to clear , I just used the bathroom . But when I tried to get the sausage out of my pussy I couldn 't ; it had broken off inside of me . After much trying with my fingers , I finally got scared and went to the hospital . So embarrassing - it just had to be a male doctor taking it out . Well , now I only use my fingers . " " I am a 19 - year - old guy , and one afternoon I thought it would be fun to insert a cucumber all the way into my anus . I had done this before and was always able to pass it back out easily . Well , this time it went in , and I couldn 't get it to come back out . I also had a previous engagement with a friend that afternoon , so I reluctantly went with the cucumber still in my anus . I was fine for most of the afternoon until I felt it coming ! Needless to say I had to rush for the bathroom , but nobody was the wiser . That experience scared the hell out of me , but it was still fun . " " I was beating off in the shower one time . I don 't know why , but whenever there is water around it takes me forever to cum . Anyway , I was going hard for about 45 minutes . When I eventually came , the orgasm was so powerful that I slipped over and hit my head . Obviously I didn 't learn from the experience because I still do it all the time . " " Oh , fuck . Don 't ask me how or why , but I used an eraser once ( twice maybe a dozen ) … chalkboard , not pencil . Oh so softly under ye ol ' head … crazy wicked feeling doing it that way . All was fine and dandy until one day I couldn 't bust . So fast and fast I erased until … . OWWWWWWWWWWWW holy shit I rubbed a hole in it . Rubbed myself raw , literally , bled , sore ouch . " " Well , I did a real dumb thing about 11 years ago . I had this flute - style glass flower vase , and it looked perfect for masturbation . The right width and length . So , I opened this old trunk I had and put it between the open lip and the lid . When I got on my knees it was the perfect height . Well , it was working great until I put too much pressure on the lid and it crushed the vase with my cock inside it . I put the pressure on it right when I was cumming , and it severely severed my dick . There was blood everywhere , and I had to have emergency surgery . The wounds were superficial and I had 30 stitches in my cock . It was extremely painful , and I contemplated suicide many times , and almost did it once . I have lived with the terror and humiliation beyond all description . I realize that others think it 's funny , but I have very painful flashbacks and I 've never been able to have another relationship or sleep with a woman since . I doubt I ever will . My cock has a barely visible scar on it , but it is there . Often I think back to it and I can barely overcome my shame . I can 't even talk to a counselor ; maybe the anonymous sharing of my story is the first step . " " The first time I masturbated in the shower I didn 't really expect my cum to shoot out so fiercely , so I wasn 't aiming and I let myself ejaculate freely . Unfortunately my accuracy was way off and it shot straight into my left eye ! I was crawling around in the shower for at least 20 minutes trying to wash it all out of my eyes . " " I had a sex with a glass Coca - Cola bottle . It became stuck and wouldn 't come off and I realized it was because of vacuum pressure in that bottle caused it to seal inside my pussy . I had the ambulance come to drill a little hole on the pop bottle for it to let some air release and it came off . Never would fuck the damn bottle again . I love any toys beside something like this ! " " Until last year , I practiced self - bondage . I got off on the thrill of the struggle to escape . One evening while my boyfriend was working abroad , I got carried away and irreparably bound myself , wearing my tightest corset , nylons , 7 ″ heels , nipple clamps , and a ball - gag . I managed to knock the phone onto the floor and after 3 - 4 hours of effort , I dialed 999 [ England 's version of 911 ] with my heel . I couldn 't say anything but the police broke in and rescued me . The sergeant said he 'd never seen anything like it in 40 years on the force . I live in a small town , so I moved shortly thereafter due to the embarrassment . " " So , this happened to me a few nights ago . I was super horny , so I started going at it when my roommate was out . I had my vibrator and some music going and everything . I can 't orgasm without penetration , but usually I can 't get wet enough to lubricate myself enough to actually have amazing orgasms . But somehow , this night , I was . I did my thing , and I had about 5 orgasms , one right after another ! I 'd never had that many before . Needless to say , things were a little messy on my sheets . I turned on the lights to look for the box of baby wipes to clean off my hands , and put my pajamas back on , when I noticed I had blood all over my hands ! My period had started about a week early . What I had thought was cum was actually blood ! And to make matters worse , it was all over my sheets and bedspread ! Now , normally I wash my sheets the day after a heavy masturbation session , because I 'm usually too tired to strip the bed right then , but I had to get them in the wash before the blood set in and stained . It was around 3 in the morning , and I had to wait for my sheets to wash and dry before I could go back to bed . The worst part was that I had just washed them and put them on the bed the day before ! I felt so embarrassed for myself afterwards , even though nobody else knew about it . " " My tale of woe was at the ripe age of 13 . I was running late for school , and would have to get a lift in anyhow . I decided as I had the time and the night before had been particularly … arousing , dream wise , I 'd enjoy myself . As I was reaching climax my mother burst through the door , having heard the noise , raving and screaming . This could have been the end of it , but oh no . She dragged me out of the bath ( first incident of blue balls to boot . ) Grabbed me by my arm , had me get dressed , and drove me in to school . Lecturing the entire way ( Catholic family . ) Once we reached school I thought it was over . How wrong I was . She marched me into school , into the morning assembly and up to the deputy headmaster , declaring , ' I 'm sorry the little sinner 's late , he was playing with himself in the bath . ' He curls up next to me , slides his arm under my neck and lo and behold , grabs my vibe . He slides it out from under my pillow , holds it up like the Statue of Liberty torch , and says , ' Mama , wut 's dis ? ' Trying to think quickly , I replied , ' Oh honey , that 's just something for making headaches go away . Give it to mommy . ' With that , my beautiful , mop - topped , brown - eyed baby boy finds the ' on ' switch and starts running my big ol ' dildo all over his head . ' Like this , Mama ? You do it like this ? ' Next day , his father comes to pick him up for the weekend . ( We 're divorced ) . Comes in and says , ' Cher , you got anything for a headache ? My head is killing me . ' " My kid brother was only around five years old at the time of this incident . I was around seven , which will hopefully spare me any accusations of being a horrible child molester . The incident unfolded as follows : I was lying on the couch with my pants down , rubbing myself with my security blanket . My kid brother walked in the room and didn 't notice anything weird going on . There was a palm frond on the floor ( it was shortly after Easter ) , and it struck me that the frond would feel very nice tickling my anus . So I asked my brother to do it for me , since I couldn 't masturbate and perform palm - frond tickling at the same time . He complied for about three seconds before his freak - out mechanism kicked in . He sprinted upstairs and told my mom what I was doing . She spanked me and took away my security blanket , which I never saw again . In my own defense , I never tried anything sexual with my brother again , and have found him fairly repellent for many years now . And it wasn 't about my brother , anyway . I just needed someone to manipulate the palm frond . " " When : I was 12 . Where : Bathroom . What : Stepfather 's electric toothbrush . With the subtle purring of that device , I rubbed it up and down , all around , until I was close , oh so close , to cumming . ( Didn 't actually achieve the big O until I was 15 . ) My stepfather comes down the stairs and says , ' Who used my toothbrush ? ' How did he know ? Well , it was wet ( yes , I washed it ) , and it was dead . It needed a new charge ! I said it wasn 't me , but he looked me deep in the eyes . To this day , I think he knew . " " I was in school and really horny ( probably had my mind on some guy ) . So I got a pass for the bathroom , went into a stall , pulled down my pants , and started fingering myself . Suddenly the stall door opened . I hadn 't carefully locked the door in my rush to finger - fuck myself . But it wasn 't another student at the door - it was my Spanish teacher ! Needless to say , I cut my Spanish class that day . My Spanish teacher never called on me or made eye contact with me again . She would , however , glance at my hands and make disgusted faces . " " I have always been sexually active with myself . When I was 13 my parents had ordered a big bucket of chicken . It was the extra - tasty crispy recipe , and I got a Dr . Pepper . I used to think the Colonel was a black guy for some reason . LOL . Anyways … I used the chicken grease as lube for touching myself and my balls . It felt nice . I sometimes would touch my butthole too and it felt good so I decided to put some of the chicken bones in my ass . I got 4 of them up there and I stopped . One of them was too pointy and stabbed me in my smelly hole . I was too embarrassed to tell anyone so I didn 't tell anyone . After a week it got really sore and I had blood shits made me cry . Pus started to come out sometimes . I had to tell my mom about it and we went to the doctor 's . The doctor thought the Colonel was a black guy , too . LOL " " When I was a teenager , I got off on sneaking out of my parents ' house naked and wandering around in the woods . ( We lived in the middle of nowhere . ) I really dug masturbating in the darkness of the forest . One night , I decided to put the garden hose up my ass instead . I had always wanted to know how an enema felt . I was a twisted kid . My parents were away from home , so I was outside naked earlier than usual ; I stuck the garden hose up my ass and slowly turned on the water . Then I heard a car coming up the driveway . I panicked and ran into the woods . Running naked is uncomfortable . Running while squirting water out of your ass is really uncomfortable . The vehicle belonged to an uncle of mine who stopped in to check on me at my parents ' request . He had to have seen me , as it was dusk when he arrived . I hid in the woods for five and a half hours while he hung out in the house , waiting for me to come back . There were other clues around the house ( a pile of clothes by the door , my porn mags ) , so he knew what was going on . I went back to the house when he drove off . He had put the hose back and cleaned up all my porn stuff . He also left a freaky note promising that he wouldn 't tell my parents , and telling me that he was bisexual , I was totally freaked out . " " Used to work for a prosthetician , assisting in the making of false limbs . In order to make a fake leg for a client , we had to make an accurate mold of the stump . To do this , we used a powder called Co - Alginate . You mix it with water for five minutes before you apply it to a patient 's stump . It then rapidly solidifies into a hard and gel - like yet pleasantly slick substance , which can easily be removed from the patient 's stump with a firm yank . I thought a good Co - Alginate fucking would be a great way to spend a bathroom break . I took a decent - sized jar and some Co - Alginate powder to the bathroom with me and locked the door . I mixed a little water in with the powder , got it to a nice slimy semi - hard texture , and stuck in my dick . You can probably guess what happened next : My dick got stuck . I tugged it and tugged it , but I couldn 't tug it as hard as you would to get it off of somebody 's leg , because it hurt and I didn 't want to pull my dick off . I actually had to yell for someone to bring me a cast - cutting saw . "
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When you were growing up , dreaming of someday getting married and starting a family , it all seemed so easy in your head . You would find the girl of your dreams , get married , have lots of great sex , and therefore , end up having as many kids as you wanted , whenever you decided to have them . Simple . Easy . Right ? Sadly , not at all . About a week ago , my wife noticed her period was a few days late . Not being too concerned because her cycle isn 't always " exact " , we waited a few days . Still nothing . I brought home a pregnancy test , and we found out we had our own little " Christmas present " - unexpectedly on the way . While it was definitely a surprise , we both soon took to the idea , and were looking forward to having another " little Harris " to love , guide , be part of our little family . I shared our first miscarriage story a in a post called " Miscarriage : The subject that never get 's brought up " . Being newly married at the time , we had no idea how to deal with the emotions we both felt , and felt in different ways . Being married a little longer now , and now having our third miscarriage a few days ago , we understand a little better how each other is going to react , and what we both need from each other for comfort / healing . I think we fail to understand how many couples struggle with having kids . How many times couples have heard the words from their doctors like " it looks like it was a pregnancy that just didn 't develop " , and finding themselves staring at the exam room wall , lost in thoughts like " how could this happen again ? " Or " I don 't understand , it was going so well " or " we wanted this so badly , how could God let this happen ? " . The pain in these situations is deep , and for the most part suffered in silence . The couple being too afraid to say anything , because they don 't want people to think there is " something wrong with them " . After all , nobody else has problems like this , right ? Why can 't we just be " normal " like everybody else , and have kids whenever we want ? But what we don 't realize , is for the most part , it 's not " easy " for any couple . I don 't know how many friends / coworkers , who after hearing our story , have come up to me and said things like " we have lost 3 also " , or " we tried for 3 years before we got pregnant " . What I think we miss is how COMMON this really is , and how desperate couples are to find support , and understanding from other couples , but it 's the subject nobody brings up . Too many misconceptions , to much of a " downer " , people don 't know what to say , it 's awkward , etc - all reasons we have for NOT talking about it . And every one of them bad reasons . If we would get over ourselves for long enough to admit we needed support , maybe we would be able to heal faster , grow stronger , and recover better , but no - our " go to " answer is usually " I 'm fine " - when in reality " fine " is not at all how we feel . If you 're like most guys , you are going to be sad for a few days from the loss , and then you 're going to start to get this " ok , we lost this one , but let 's fix this thing and just try it again " attitude . For us , we feel out of control by the whole situation , and as a guy - who usually has a " I can fix anything " outlook , it scares us that we can 't do anything , or control the circumstances . This means after we get through the sad phase , we tend to start looking at how we can make it right again , or " fix " what we lost . We tend to look at it almost like we would if we wrecked out car - yeah , it sucks we lost our car , and have to go through the whole process of getting a new one , but sitting around feeling sorry for ourselves , isn 't going to make it any easier . Let 's get to looking at new cars , and replace the one we wrecked ! Come on , let 's FIX it ! But to your dear wife , this is the last thing she wants to hear is " we can always try again " . As a woman , she needs time to grieve the loss of this child . To her it 's not just something that didn 't work out , it was a child - HER CHILD - that was LOST . What she needs from you is total LOVE and SUPPORT . She needs you to hold her while she cries , and reassure her ( without attempting to fix ) that it 's all going to be ok . She needs to hear you talk about your sadness ( and yes guys , this is a HARD one for us ) in losing your child - what you were planning to do with him / her , thoughts you had about it , etc . This helps her not feel alone in " missing " or grieving the loss of the child . She needs you to ASK her if she 's doing ok , and not getting mad , or rolling your eyes when she brings it up 6 months later , and tells you she 's been thinking about it quite a bit today . I know it 's not the same for us , and we sometimes don 't understand the time is takes for our wives to heal , but so what ? As if this is the first thing we don 't completely understand about how God created our wives . What matters is that we ARE there for them , and regardless of how long it may take , we make sure they know we are ALWAYS there for them if they need to talk about it , or even just cry while we hold them . Also , make sure she 's not the only one that ever brings it up . Mention to her on a random day , that you were thinking about it today , or how you can 't wait to meet your other children in heaven some day . The smile you 'll get from your wife will be priceless . Talk it out with your wife also . Help her understand you 're not trying to " bury it " , or pretend it didn 't happen , you just deal with it differently than she does . That way she isn 't expecting you to grieve in the same way she does . If it 's the first time you 've been though this loss , she 's not going to know what you do , any more than you know how she 's going to handle it . Remember , the WORST thing you could do it both shut down and build a wall between you . Talk , talk , talk - I don 't care how hard it is for you , you MUST keep those lines of communication open during times like this . Your marriage depends on it . You have to be willing to roll up your sleeves , and do whatever it takes to help see your marriage through it . Don 't settle for " oh well , she 'll get over it at some point , I don 't even know what to say to her anymore " - even if you don 't know what to say , tell her that ! At least you 're not just giving up . Neither side is " the right way " or the " only way " to get through it , and the sooner the both of you accept that , the better you 'll be at healing together , growing your relationship because of it , and gaining a deeper understanding of the mate God has given you . It will get better . The pain will begin to lessen . You will be able to move on . Just understand it is a process . One that you BOTH need . Well , the short answer is - there is no " normal " anymore . " Normal " went out the window as soon as your wife came out of the bathroom with the pregnancy test , and there were two pink lines staring back at you . So what 's a husband to do ? First , take a deep breath . You will have a sex life again . It 's not hopeless . Your wife will once again look at you with that " come and get me " look that you haven 't seen since this tiny intruder came into your lives ( or if your wife was sick during pregnancy , it may have been a lot longer than that ) - cloaked in a blue or pink blanket . So far I 've gone though this whole process with my wife 3 times , and each time it 's been a little different . " In The Beginning " - Ah yes , our first child was born . We had been married 2 years . I remember sitting there as a new dad , hearing the doctor say " Now Valerie , make sure you are on pelvic rest for at least 6 weeks , before resuming sexual activity " , and thinking " surely he doesn 't mean that . He must be talking about what ' most people ' do , but I 'm sure my wife will be ready to go long before that " . I was dreaming ( my wife told me so ) . Boy , did I wake up . Life started with new baby at home now . I tried to be as much help as I could , helping with feeding , diapering , etc . But Benjamin was getting up every 2 hours at night to be fed , and my poor wife was trying to let me sleep as much as she could because I had to work in the morning - but doing so left her in some sort of sleep deprived " fog " for most of the day . She was sleeping when the baby slept , dealing with diapers , caring for a baby for the first time - all while having " first time mommy doubts " about if she was " doing it right " , or " being a good mommy " . Let 's just say that there wasn 't much room on her mind to think of that thing we used to enjoy together called " sex " . I knew she wasn 't able to HAVE sex at the time , but I wanted her to at least WANT to have sex , and be looking forward to being able to do it again . But she didn 't want it , and wasn 't looking forward to it at the time . This led to me not feeling important , and since we didn 't quite know how to communicate in each other 's language early on , we were butting heads quite often about it . She wanted me to be emotionally close to her , but I was having a really hard time with it , due to her not paying attention to me at all sexually . Round and round we would go . Finally , at some point , we figured out a few things that made life much easier - She NEEDS you - just not in the way you may want - yet . She needs to know you are in this whole new baby thing together . That means coming home from work and asking what you can do to help . Does the laundry need done ? Does she want you to just take the baby while she takes a bath ? Does she need you to just listen to her while she let 's out all the stresses of her day ? Yes , this stuff is HARD for us to feel " inclined " to do when we don 't feel sexually connected , but you HAVE to find a way to man up and do it . Even though she can 't wrap her mind around the idea of sex right now , she still needs to feel emotionally connected to you . One other thing - don 't " clam up " on her . In other words , don 't help with all the work , and forget to open up to her and share your day , heart , etc . Let her know you love her , and you think she 's doing a great job . This goes a long way to our wives . Sex doesn 't always mean intercourse - Let me have a quick word with the wives for a second : Your husband will probably never communicate this to you in a way that you will understand at the time , but please try and understand what I 'm about to tell you : Right now your husband is feeling like he just got bumped out of the # 1 spot in your life , by this little baby that seems to do nothing but poop and cry , and take all your attention and affection . This is totally ok with him ! He understands this , and even expected it ! But - what he won 't tell you , but desperately hopes you will notice , is that just because life has been turned a little upside down the past few weeks , his sex drive hasn 't gone anywhere . He still thinks you 're beautiful . You still turn him on . The only problem is that you are so preoccupied with " baby stuff " right now ( perfectly normal mind you ) , that you tend to forget that even though your drive may have gone through the floor , your husband still needs you to show you love him , and show him you care about his sexual needs . Try and find ways to show him that even though you may not feel sexual right now , you understand it 's hard for him in the in the meantime . A simple " hand job " goes a LONG way in letting him know that you haven 't ' forgotten about him . Also , ASK about how HE ' S doing dealing with the lack of sex , and offer to help him get release if he needs it . Let me tell you , you will see his whole demeanor change , and all the sudden you will find it much easier to have the emotional connection you were longing for with him . You 'd be amazed if you could realize how much it means to your husband if you show him just a little psychical attention . You mean so much to him , and sex is what a husband uses to " check in " and make sure the relationship is ok . Without that , it 's hard for him feel secure and needed by his wife . Your " first time " all over again - The six weeks ( or more depending on how much she tore during delivery , if it was a c - section , what her doctor feels is best , etc . ) is over ! We 're good to go again right ? Wrong . Your wife is probably terrified of having sex again for the first time since the birth . Remember , she just pushed something the size of a football out of her vagina . She may be a bit timid about going at it again . Take it slow ( VERY slow ) , listen to her , be understanding , and take cues from her about whether you should continue , and use LOTS of lube ! Don 't ' be upset if she has too much pain to continue ! Remember , this is a healing process - it 's not going to happen overnight . Be understanding ; if the pain is too much to let you finish , she is going to feel like she failed . Reassure her that it 's ok , you love her , and you 're not upset . But it worked before ? ! - Don 't be surprised if the same things that felt good to her before pregnancy , don 't " do the trick " after birth . You 'll need to " re - learn " what feels good , and what doesn 't anymore . This is especially true if the doc had to put stitches down there . During intercourse certain angles will be much more sensitive / painful than before . You may have to switch up positions to find one that is more comfortable for her . The biggest thing to remember as you try and piece your sex life together after having a child , is COMMUNICATION . Sometimes we as guys tend to " expect her to know " that we need something sexual , and instead she has no clue . We get upset if she expects us to " just know " something , so why do we do the same thing to her ? This whole baby thing isn 't easy on her either . This is a tough post for me , and for most guys to talk about . It 's a topic , that if you 've been through it first hand , that guys like to " stuff " and avoid thinking about , because we can 't " fix " the problem , and if you 're like me , that drives you nuts . This is also one of those trials in life that no one talks about . When you go through it , your friends , and even your family , seem to walk on egg shells around you . It 's ends up being the elephant in the room . That being said - I must admit that before I went through it first hand , I had some friends that went through it , and I was the same way . Scared I would say the wrong thing , that they would become upset if I mentioned it , I would even avoid them if I saw them in a store , all because I didn 't know what to say . I wish I knew then , what I know now : that it means a lot to the couple going through it if you were to just ask " hey guys , how are you holding up ? " - and mean it - it would help so much . Just to break the silence . And so I share our story … . July 13th , 2011 is the 1 year ago mark for Val and I going through the heart - breaking loss of loosing a child to miscarriage . I still remember that day like it was yesterday , even though I have tried to forget . It was a sunny , beautiful day like most days in the Summer here in the Valley . Val and I were going in for a normal 15 week checkup with ultra - sound , and I had the day off from work . We ran a couple of errands before her appointment as we often do . Everything was normal . Val was even feeling better than she had been with the pregnancy . She had gotten up that day and said she felt good , and was hoping the " morning sickness " was finally over . We finally arrived at the medical center after running all of our errands , and waited for her name to be called . We had done this many times before , as this was our third pregnancy , and when you live in a small town , there 's only one place you go for your ultra - sound . We knew the routine , and the staff . It was all normal . The guy who always runs the ultra - sound machine had Val lay down on the table like always , there was the normal warning about the gel maybe being cold , etc . Just another " normal " appointment . Val could tell something was wrong before I could . I think I knew it too , but was in denial . " This doesn 't happen to us . We have healthy babies " , I kept telling myself . The Tech . tried to act like nothing was wrong , but after about 10 minutes , said he had to go find the doctor to " look at something " . No explanation , no reason . The time it took for the doctor to come down from upstairs seemed like an eternity . I still remember the dead quiet of the room , except for the constant whirring of the ultra - sound machine . We didn 't say much to each other . We both knew . The doctor finally arrived , and after conferring with the tech , told us " I 'm very sorry , but there is no heartbeat . It looks like there was an abnormality in the brain - stem . I 'm so sorry " . I could see his lips moving , and hear his voice , but it felt like I was in someone else 's body . Numb . Like it was some kind of bad dream . The doctor and Tech left the room to " give us a minute " , and I went over and held my wife as we cried together . This was not supposed to happen ! This was a normal checkup ! They must have something wrong - we don 't go through this , this doesn 't happen to us - were some of the thoughts racing through my head . There was such a feeling of empty . Shock . They told us to go home , and we would have to schedule a " D & C " for a later date . I still remember walking out of that little room , and down what seemed like a really long hallway , that in reality wasn 't more than a brief walk . I remember thinking that you 're supposed to leave that room happy , talking about names , or the video of the ultra - sound you 're going to show your family - all the happy , normal thoughts that you 're supposed to have at that stage . But it seemed like I was in a dream . One that for some reason , I couldn 't escape from . The first few days afterwords were really tough . The worst part was having to call our family and friends to tell them the news . Val was in no shape to talk , so I called our family one by one , and tried to put on a " God know 's best " face - all the while still feeling like I was in a daze . In my " guy " mind , there had to be some way to " fix " this ! I would replay every possible solution over and over in my head , knowing full well there wasn 't one . The days ticked by , and rolled into weeks . I tried to be as supportive as I could to Val , but I felt like I just didn 't have the words to say that would help comfort her . Again , trying to " solve " it , I tried to encourage her by saying that we could " try again " , and that " we just have to believe the Lord has a plan in this somewhere hon " . As the weeks turned into months , I began to look for projects to fill my time . Something to get my mind off of it . From my " guy " perspective , it 's so much easier to just put it behind me as much as I can , and bury it or push it down so I didn 't have to deal with remembering the pain . A few months after the D & C procedure , I remember wondering why Val was having so much trouble " moving on " from it , and concentrating on trying again - or " fixing " it . It was hard to wrap my male mind around . " Why she would want to always be thinking about it ! WHY would you want to remember the pain ? WHY can 't we begin to move past this , we can make it better , we 'll just get pregnant again ! " were my thoughts . I tried to be understanding , and supportive of her , but she was taking my attitude as " me not caring about our loss " . She instead wanted me to cry with her . She wanted someone to feel the pain with her , and not feel like she was the only one that was stuck in this grief that had gripped us both . But I was dealing with in a very different way . I needed to look through her eyes . It took me a lot of trial and much error , but I finally began to understand what my wife was longing for from me : She wanted me to remember - she didn 't want me to act like it never happened ! I wanted to put it behind me , but she needed me to remember with her ! This was key to her being able to heal . She wanted me to bring it up in conversation - This was so hard for me , but so important to her ! It showed her that I remembered our baby in heaven , and I was missing him / her too . She wasn 't alone . She needed me to hold her and let her cry - She wanted me to put down the " tough guy " routine , and hold her . To tell her that it 's ok to cry . Allow her to grieve . To grieve together . Loss of a child - born or unborn - is one of the hardest tests your marriage may ever go through . There 's no way around that . The biggest thing to remember is that men and women grieve in much different ways ! This can not be overstated ! There is not a WRONG way to grieve , God just designed us to do so differently , and it 's our job as husbands to learn and understand our wives - even when it doesn 't make sense to us - and support and love them - especially during times when the hurt is so deep . On May 14th , 2005 , in a little house in Wallowa Lake Oregon ( because our outside ceremony got rained out ) , I committed to " love , honor , and cherish " Valerie Russell " til death do us part , and took on the mission I now call " Mission Husband " . It hasn 't always been easy . It hasn 't always been fun . There has been amazing good times , and really hard bad times times . But the things that have remained constant regardless , are our faith in God , and our love and commitment to each other . So , this blog is a peek into our little version of " crazy " . Raising 4 kids ( so far ) in a 850 square foot home ( we 're a close knit family ) , and working 4 jobs to allow Val to stay home with the kids ( I 've got the easy job ) . I by NO MEANS have all the answers , what I do know is what we 've learned the hard way - by failing at it . : ) I want this blog to be a place where " normal " Christian husbands can come and hopefully find something in what I write to help them avoid some of the same pitfalls I have run directly over . I also want it to be a place where my readers can share with me things that they 've learned , and help me in the same way . Let 's be the best husbands we can be to our wives . This is the mission that God has given us . Mission : Husband RSS FEED
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I 've finally figured it out . I 've finally figured out why I haven 't been blogging ( or rather writing in general ) very much lately . Actually , this struggle to write has been going on ever since I started writing . As it turns out , the answer to this dilemma was quite simple : Whilst Writing this , I thought of a quote I heard from the TV Show ' Glee ' once . It was in Season 3 Episode 12 and a female student was speaking to her teacher . Now this teacher was teaching an extracurricular activity and had a job as a Spanish Teacher at the school in the day . ( I know this seems irrelevant , but bear with me ) So this teacher was fighting for his title for Spanish Teacher against the teacher who taught Spanish at Night . Now that Teacher love the Spanish language , he was passionate and unlike the daytime teacher , he could fluently speak Spanish . " You did , and you do . When you teach Glee . " ( ' Glee ' is the club that he taught because he wanted to bring it back because he had been in it when he was in High School . He had a love of Singing , Dancing and Performing which led him to succeed in running that club . In the end , his passion didn 't go unnoticed . He was not only made Principal of the School , but they renamed it so that it would be a Performing Arts School . And instead of having One Glee Club . They now had numerous Clubs ) . What I 've taken away from watching that show , is that I need to start being honest and what I want and what I can do . Last time I wrote one of these posts , I stated that I would : ‘… write more , read more , follow more … ' and I think it 's safe to say that I haven 't delivered on any of those promises . I haven 't even really tried . So here is me , being completely honest . I 'm not going to write more , I 'm not going to read more and I 'm definitely not going to follow more . I 'm not even going to say that I will ' try ' because deep down I already know that I won 't . But , I do love Writing and I do love Blogging . So I 'm not going to stop , I 'm just going to stop placing undue pressure to write and create . And hopefully , this is the start of a more honest A . J . BAWSE . BECAUSE SHARING IS CARING : - ) TweetLike this : Like Loading . . . Posted on April 8 , 2017April 9 , 2017 # SoCS - Living Proof … 6 : 13PM : ' Story Time ! ' " Stop ! Please , just stop . It 's not that I don 't like you dear , I just don 't like what you did . " " To apologise ! " The young girl exclaimed . " I know that you may not believe me but it 's true . I 'm not here to win him back . In fact , I 'm quite pleased to hear that 's he 's in a relationship that is healthy and makes him happy . " " Yeah , well … It happens . You 're young dear , there 'll be other guys and you 'll learn from the experiences you have with them . " She said as she squashed the cigarette between her shoes and the concrete . Mrs Wilkins couldn 't bear to tell her son about Carol 's apology . She knew what that could do someone , especially someone as sensitive and forgiving as her son . He 'd go running back to her in a heartbeat , because that 's the kind of thing you 'd do for your first love . Here you are ! My fourth post in response to # SoCS . I 'm sorry that it took so long , the reasoning behind my absence is explained here . So go check it out as well ! 2 . Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be . One sentence - one thousand words . Fact , fiction , poetry - it doesn 't matter . Just let the words carry you along until you 're ready to stop . 3 . There will be a prompt every week . I will post the prompt here on my blog on Friday , along with a reminder for you to join in . The prompt will be one random thing , but it will not be a subject . For instance , I will not say " Write about dogs " ; the prompt will be more like , " Make your first sentence a question , " " Begin with the word ' The ' , " or simply a single word to get your started . 4 . Ping back ! It 's important , so that I and other people can come and read your post ! For example , in your post you can write " This post is part of SoCS : " and then copy and paste the URL found in your address bar at the top of this post into yours . Your link will show up in my comments for everyone to see . The most recent pingbacks will be found at the top . NOTE : Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites . If you 're self - hosted or are participating from another host , such as Blogger , please leave a link to your post in the comments below . 5 . Read at least one other person 's blog who has linked back their post . Even better , read everyone 's ! If you 're the first person to link back , you can check back later , or go to the previous week , by following my category , " Stream of Consciousness Saturday , " which you 'll find right below the " Like " button on my post . 6 . Copy and paste the rules ( if you 'd like to ) in your post . The more people who join in , the more new bloggers you 'll meet and the bigger your community will get ! BECAUSE SHARING IS CARING : - ) TweetLike this : Like Loading . . . Posted on December 31 , 2016March 31 , 2017A Year in Review : ' 16 Edition THE PROGRESS REPORT ( No . 1 ) - The Reminder to Try Harder ! Tragedy Lenses Evolution Guidance through Light Big Hero 6 Film Review # SoCS - YES ! Why Don 't You Tell ? The Reminder Candles In - Significance Change = Growth 2016 is finally coming to close , and this collage that you see … This is celebrating all the posts that I am most proud of , the most popular ones and one of them is a type of post that was done last year . But I 'm feeling that next year some more of this particular type of post will make a strong comeback to ' Ainswordly ' and I cannot wait ! Now , I 'm not going to lie … I 'm not going to make a personal New Year 's Resolution . I personally don 't believe in them , and I feel like a lot more people are unsuccessful in achieving these resolutions than the people that do . I 'm not going to lie , I did kind of make one … But I 've already started working towards that goal already ! If you want to know more of this goal , be sure to read : I just thought of an example of how I have changed as a writer , the laptop . I would always flat out just write my posts on a laptop . But ever since I have started taking pen to paper before I hit publish , I feel like my posts have improved in style and creativity . Haha , it 's funny . I 'm writing this post now on a laptop and I feel weird . I forgot how scary and unpredictable typing could be when you have absolutely no idea what you are going to say ! I guess I 'm doing this now to see how much I truly have grown . I 'm also writing this post because I wanted to give you all a massive ' Thank You ! ' . From the bottom of my heart , thank you to everyone that has hit like , or follow or left a lovely comment to brighten my day ! You are all so lovely and I 'm so thankful to be surrounded by such positivity and creativity ! P . S . I included the names of all the blog posts in the collage above , but unfortunately , I couldn 't link them ! 😦 So if you would like to read them , you 'll just have to scroll through or just search through Google . Who knows ? Maybe next year I would 've figured it out . Haha ! Sorry for the late post , but I 'm here now ! At first , I struggled with trying to write something that correlated to this week 's photo . But I did manage to come up with something in the end 🙂 Now , this post was originally inspired ' The Daily Post ' December 5th Prompt - Vanish . It was then going to be a part of the December 7th Prompt - Protest . But , I have altered it so that it could fit in with the December 10th Prompt - Abide . So enjoy ! Xx Great , in about six minutes , this ' session ? ' ( I guess you could call it ) , will finally be over . I drew in a breath of relief . Well , I guess staring at the clock for the whole time can 't make it any easier for me to trust these people . Especially when they were meant to be helping me sort through my ' grief ' . I suppose I can 't complain because I 'm not listening to them . I 'm not really helping them out with their grief , so why should they be helping me ? This situation took me back to my high school days , specifically , the days where I had to present a speech . I would always get nervous , so much so that I did what I am currently doing now . I 'll admit , as much as I could keep a watchful eye on the arms of the analogue clock . Praying that this would be over and go away , along with that tightening feeling that sat in the pit of my stomach … I knew that the inevitable would happen . Except , this time , there was no speech to guide me . There was nothing to calm my nerves , there was nothing to hide behind . The only thing that seemed to provide me with any form of relief now was the fact that in just a few minutes , I could go home and ignore it ( Until next week that is … ) . " You can 't force me to tell you anything ! You don 't know anything about me or my life ! " I yelled doubting it was any use . " You 're not wrong there Gina . I can 't force you to tell your story . But I can persuade you to speak up . As the first step to resolving a problem is admitting it . " He remarked , saying it with such certainty . " I 'll tell you what . If you promise me that if you leave here that you 'll get the help you need . We 'll pack up right now . " He propositioned . " But , I already feel so numb . What happened to my loved ones hurt , these lies … I don 't think that they will . " I continued to protest . " My family … we fought , he took them , I tried , and then … they died . " I said through sharp breaths . I decided to finally abide by Chris and this group . BECAUSE SHARING IS CARING : - ) TweetLike this : Like Loading . . . Posted on December 9 , 2016Lenses 2 : 24AM : ' YAY ! More poetry on the way ! ( Hey , that rhymed ! How ' eye - ronic ' . Haha , okay I 'll just leave now … ) I used to see the world through my camera 's lens So , after writing this post … I have decided that I am going to ' try ' ( emphasis on that ) to incorporate as much poetry as I can into these prompts ! YAY ! Now truth be told , I really do like writing these posts . And because I don 't generally write poetry , I 'm going to make my responses to these prompts as ' poetic ' as possible 🙂 So , to participate in ' Three Line Tales ' . Be sure to click on the green to find out information regarding the rules . Photo Credit : Grant McCurdy ( Courtesy of Unsplash . com ) " I love to draw , so my Dad told me to always draw things that I loved because that 's the best thing that you can ever put into something you care about . Like he did with Mum . " She said as she finished drawing the horn . " Ah , so that 's why there are unicorns . " The Teacher said before she walked away . It was funny how things from afar can seem so … ordinary . But when you look upon closer inspection , they can reveal things beyond your imagination . Now , I 'm not going to lie . I really did struggle with this prompt initially . But , as the saying goes ' Better late than never . ' " Haha , you see that pot over there ? That 's called a ' Percolator ' . I 'd like you to make my coffee with it . " He stated condescendingly . " Didn 't the production of percolators get disbanded in the 70 's due to the invention of the electric drip ? " I questioned , taking a sip of my own coffee . ( With an electric drip , mind you . ) " Haha , so I 've been told . So what if I 'm old - fashioned . Some people even loved that about me once upon a time … " " See the way I view it , if you don 't change things every once in a while . You begin to neglect the things that you have because you think that they 're always going to be there . Change gives you an appreciation for what you have … He smiled , " Tell you what , make me a tea . If I like it , your point would 've been proven correct . Therefore , you can keep your job … My mouth dropped open , as I proceeded to boil the water . My job was now on the line , and for what ? A TEA ? ! I hoped to God that he 'd like it … That afternoon I packed up everything in my office . Now , it wasn 't because he didn 't like the tea . He actually didn 't mind the taste of it at all … I 've decided to start following my own advice . Who was I to chastise him about change when I had been in this job for as long as I could remember . So , I 'm going to start up my own business , maybe even in a different field , who knows ? As I walked out of my office , I glanced at my Boss one last time . His head was absorbed in the work on his desk , that wasn 't a surprise . Walking out of this job would mark the end of our working relationship . BECAUSE SHARING IS CARING : - ) TweetLike this : Like Loading . . . Posted on October 26 , 2016I 'm out - Linda G . Hill DISCLAIMER : Hi Everyone , I 'm sharing this post because one of my beloved writers and friends is going through a spot of trouble at the moment . And her book needs to desperately be sold . If you 're like me and cant 't obtain this book , than I 'm begging you . Please , please , please make a conscious effort to share the hell out of this post ! Do whatever you can to help ! I 'm out . Of money , that is . It 's official . I went to the grocery store today to pick up some essentials and I got the dreaded " Insufficient Funds " screen on the debit machine . Though it 's killing me to do so , I 'd like to ask a favour . If you haven 't already , please buy my book . If you [ … ] BECAUSE SHARING IS CARING : - ) TweetLike this : Like Loading . . . Posted on October 22 , 2016October 22 , 2016Disappearing Act ( Part 2 / 2 ) - Resurface DISCLAIMER : This is a work of ' Fiction ' . Now , as I stated in my last blog post , this post is a continuation of the one that was posted today / yesterday ( wherever you are from ) . So , personally I would advise going to that post first ( If you want ) . But , just know that both posts are stand - alone 🙂 " Why didn 't you speak to him ? I mean , it 's what you 've wanted to do for the past two years ! That 's why you were so intent on finding him in the first place ! " My friend Lucy stated . We 'd just become friends before he disappeared . So , she had a deep awareness and understanding of this situation . " I … I couldn 't . What would I say ? ! That I hated his guts long after he just disappeared ? ! Or that there 's a part of me that still has unresolved feelings for him ? ! And that they may partly be the reason I haven 't moved on in all this time ? ! " I roared . I hated this person , the person I had become because of him . And the person I had become after he left . Funnily enough , I thought it would be easy to revert back to the person I was . Before it all happened , but I guess a love like ours … Isn 't that easy to recover from . How could four short months still have such a large impact on me after all these years ? ! Maybe it isn 't about the time at all , maybe when you meet someone . Someone that you 're going to end up loving , and having that love reciprocated … It has this permanent hold on you , and even if you do manage to let go … it never really goes away completely . But , that was about love that was ' true ' . And I wasn 't sure if our love was … " Yeah well , I don 't need to be a psychic to know exactly what the future holds for us , and yes … life may be beautiful . But what he did , how he made me feel … isn 't ! I loved him ! And the way he was , when I saw him all those years ago … it didn 't really seem like he felt the same way . " " Why bother , I know I 'm being my usual dramatic self . But , when I wanted to talk to him … He wasn 't here . And expecting me to be here for him , now . It 's not fair … " I stood up , and turned out the window … sure enough , there he was . Walking up along my driveway . And with a look of determination fixed onto his face that said he wasn 't going to let me disappear that easily , not again anyway … great . I guess his ' stubbornness ' is something that has gone unchanged these past couple of years … BECAUSE SHARING IS CARING : - ) TweetLike this : Like Loading . . . Posted on October 21 , 2016October 22 , 2016Disappearing Act ( Part 1 / 2 ) - Slipping Away DISCLAIMER : This is once again purely a work of ' Fiction ' . Now , I 've been thinking that after seeing today prompt on ' The Daily Post ' , I am considering as to whether I should make this story two - parts . If you would like to see that at all , leave a comment at the bottom of this one ! ' He 's back … ' I said to myself , my voice barely above a whisper . A shorter haircut , some finer clothes … even his walk is different somehow . But , that 's definitely him . " Kimberley ! " I heard him yell . The people in the food court , who had previously been tucking in and making small talk with company now had all of their attention on me . I covered my face as I stated without turning around ; " Sorry , wrong person . " In my best British Accent , before he even had a chance to reply I started to walk away . I started holding my head up , eyes slowly pulling into focus on the sliding glass doors that lead to court yard outside . Before I made it , thinking I was safe . My mind started to drift and focus on something else , footsteps . Behind me ; the undeniable sounds of footsteps . Quickening ones at that … Crap , he was following me . Okay , maybe I had to add ' smarter ' to the list of things that had changed about him . But nonetheless , I had to lose him . But how ? The alarm reverberated through the walls of the mall , and that along with the sounds of running and screaming were the only sounds that could be heard now . It was selfish , I know … But given my selfless nature has only led me to hurt and suffering , I decided to put a stop to that at once . " Disappeared , you might as well have been underground ! I spent months trying to find you , and when I finally did you had already moved on ! " I screeched . I was trying so hard to not get angry , but clearly not hard enough . I honestly thought that I had let go , and moved on . But , it seems I still have so much hate left in me . Maybe talking to him would be the key to letting go , once and for all . And then that 's when I saw it , the look of defeat as his face fell towards to the ground . Looking at his shoes , he knew that he couldn 't justify that . Why ? Because I was right . " You know , you 're not the only one that can go underground ! " I yelled before I made my disappearance . And unlike the person I was all those years ago … I didn 't intend to go back . DISCLAIMER : So here it is ! My entry for ' Three Line Tales ' Week 38 ′ . Now , to be honest up until today I had never even heard of ' Three Line Tales ' so partaking straight away was quite a shock to me . I would also like to say thank you to Sonya for this prompt ! It is definitely something I look forward to doing again . Visit Sonya 's Blog if you would like to participate also , all the rules and guidelines will be over there . Just click on the green link to take you there 🙂 You 'd think that it 'd be easy right ? Given my love for this song , and for Adele … you 'd think that expressing my thoughts for the song that I 've come to love would come naturally . But to be honest , I 'm struggling here . So , for many months now I have tried to find the thing that has been causing me misery for a long time now . In everything and everyone around me with no succession . And then this song came on , and it all clicked . And suddenly , I didn 't feel so alone . BECAUSE SHARING IS CARING : - ) TweetLike this : Like Loading . . . Posted on April 24 , 2015May 3 , 2015I 'll Remember ( Writing 101 - Prompt 15 ) Sorry again for the delay in my writing , now when I was asked about what to write for today 's prompt it stumped me . But , after time away I 've finally come up with something that I remember . So , here goes . I hope you all like it . I 'll try my hardest to complete all my prompts soon . ( SEE THE END FOR FURTHER NOTES ) . This all happened in January , well December 31st if we really want to get technical . It all started out with my Mum driving me out to my friend 's place . My friend and I were planning on heading up to Sydney to see the New Year 's Fireworks . I 'd seen them before on TV and am never less than impressed by what I see . I was so happy to be asked , after all I couldn 't think of a better way to start the year . We caught the train and made one stop before we reached our destination , almost missing our stop both times . Whoops , but nonetheless we caught up with my friend 's family and spent the remainder of the afternoon in our … apartment ? Spending more time exploring around the city . It was sometime after 8PM that we decided we would venture out into the city to see the 9PM fireworks . The fireworks being broadcasted on both sides of the Sydney Harbour Bridge in perfect unison . These were the fireworks being more geared towards parents with young children and elderly people who just simply couldn 't stay up for the 12AM display . After those fireworks , we sat atop our apartment roof with our legs overhanging the edge whilst we delved into our ice - cream . I remember having a perfect view of the Sydney Harbour Bridge . The coldness hanging in the air , with my excitement thinking about the spectacle that I would see in a matter of mere hours . I remember seeing a family dinner in the apartment to my left , I guess it was a family getting together with relatives . Also a good way to start a new year I thought . So much food being placed on the table , I wasn 't quite sure what they had but I would gladly tuck into some of those delicacies . The time after that became a blur and pretty soon that time for the 12AM fireworks started to set in along with my excitement . I remember leaving at 11 : 40PM as we started running to get a good spot . We were lucky enough to get there within five minutes and be lucky enough to get a good view towards the front . Then came the countdown , I couldn 't be more excited to see the seconds on the pillar of the bridge as everyone chanted in unison . As it came to one second , what I had come to see had finally come to purchase and I 'm telling you , nothing could compare to those fireworks . I couldn 't stop shouting at the sky as all those colours filled the night sky , morning sky I should say . The fireworks being shown in all directions , making it impossible to focus on one spot . The best part being the golden river of fireworks that resembled a waterfall as it cascaded off the bridge and into the water below . The golden rows of fireworks that were shot off at the top of the bridge was just an amazing way to end the show , start the day and the year . What a perfect way to start what I didn 't know would be , the start of an unforgettable year . So , there you have it ! I officially have one week left of prompts before my time in this course concludes . As always please leave a like , rating , follow or feedback as any of these would be greatly appreciated . BECAUSE SHARING IS CARING : - ) TweetLike this : Like Loading . . . Posted on April 12 , 2015October 17 , 2016Big Hero 6 Film Review Now , this is my first film review so you could say that I am pretty stoked ! I hope I am doing this right , please read , like , follow or leave feedback just to know with where I 'm at and if I should continue this . Visuals The visuals in this movie were amazing , the art was so cleverly drawn that it left me wondering how it was possible to achieve this high level of animation ? The city ( San Fransokyo ) is a prime example of how far the visuals have come over the years . Along with Baymax , which I 'll applaud Disney over making this cute robot that will make any kid 's heart melt . Cinematography The cinematography ( the movement of photography in an image ) was cleverly achieved in this movie . This is something that Disney never fails to miss with any of it 's movies . Probably the best I 've ever seen in a Disney Movie . Story Telling This I felt was done particularly well in this movie , the beginning and the ending for the most part . The middle lacked and lost me a bit and in turn left me with something that felt all too familiar . They did use comedy and mystery to drag this out , and even though I was left guessing , it all felt too cliché . In this movie , ( SPOILERS AHEAD , DON ' T WANT OR LIKE DON ' T READ ! ) Hiro and his friends take it upon themselves to stop the main antagonist ( Professor Callaghan ) . They try first time and fail , then once after the main protagonist has time away ( Wreck - it - Ralph - Ralph ) all the protagonists regroup ending with their connection being stronger than ever . This honestly is now just getting overused . But , at least not much time was spent on this aspect throughout the movie . Now , besides Hiro and Baymax ( the two main protagonists ) , I didn 't really feel the other characters were needed and just wasted time and space . They didn 't feel relatable and overall felt too weak to be plausible . I would much rather have Hiro and Baymax try to defeat the antagonist on their own to build up more suspense . In Conclusion , this movie has to have been one of my favourites of all time . Although it was a let down in regards to originality . Congratulations to Disney on winning the Academy Award Winner for Best Animated Film of 2014 . Definitely a treat for us viewers and definitely well deserved . A must - watch for everyone ! 🙂 BECAUSE SHARING IS CARING : - ) TweetLike this : Like Loading . . . Posted on March 30 , 2017May 29 , 2017The Progress Report ( No . 2 ) - The Dawn of A . J . BAWSE DISCLAIMER : This is a ' Non - Fictional ' Post . This is the second instalment to ' The Progress Report ' . Now this is a pretty long post , so for those of you who make it to the end , well all I can say is congratulations ! I 'm also going to ensure that from here on out that I include the name of the person ( and the website ) whose photos I 'm utilising throughout my posts It 's been too long , I know . 3 Months of not writing and now suddenly I 'm back . It 's quite ironic when I think about it , see if you read my last blog post ( Click Here : ' A Year in Review ' ) you 'd know that one of my promises was to become a better blogger . I 'll start at the beginning , last year I finished High School . Now to anyone close to me , it isn 't much of a secret that I didn 't try very hard in any areas relating to school work . Such as Homework , Assessments and Exams . If you 'd ask me why this was , I 'd probably tell you that because I didn 't know what I wanted to do , it made it very difficult for me to get motivated to do well . Or I 'd simply state to you , as I have to many other people ( myself included ) that ' School wasn 't for me ' . Now , I 'm going guessing that some of you will probably be thinking by this point that they 're pretty lame excuses . Which truth be told , they are . But for me , this is my truth . I 'm sure there 's more to it than that and I promise that if I ever figure it out … I 'll write about it . Therefore , because of my attitude towards High School I wasn 't left with much at the end of the year . Which , in all honesty … If I had known prior to that date , I for sure would 've tried harder to get my act together and get through it . I even discovered that if I had tried just a little bit harder , that it would 've made all the difference . I personally wanted to do the ' Extended Course ' ( Mainly because that 's the one I thought I could get into ) . Now one of the good things that this Program does is that it looks at your total marks and then takes the average of those marks . Whatever the average you get , that determines which course you 're eligible to get into . See , prior to me having to go down to the University in person to submit all my documentation . I completed my application online , now part of doing the application online is that it you have to put it in the subjects that you did along with the marks that you obtained . Now whether they don 't take these marks because you haven 't provided them with all the documentation regarding your identity is beyond me . So within a couple of days , my Mum and I travelled down to the City to submit the documentation . Which would finalise my application , and I would get in . We got there an hour and a half later via train and we got a ticket and sat down . Not long after I was called up to the counter and the woman took my documents and looked them over . She asked me to type in my Student Number and Password so that she could see all my marks for herself . So she took her calculator and input all my marks . I saw her make a disapproving face as she typed in the numbers again . I knew something was wrong , something in me knew what was coming . But I just didn 't want to admit it . " Sorry Sir , but unfortunately your average isn 't high enough to get into the course that you want ' to get into . " I sat there in shock , I was in so much shock that I didn 't utter another word except a quick ' Thank You ' and ' Goodbye ' . I was shocked so much that I didn 't stand up and fight , I had just simply conceited . The day that had been filled with so much hope , ambition and promise had been dwindled into nothing . All because of the gap between the averages . Now , you know how I said earlier that if I had tried just a little bit harder that it would 've made all the difference ? Well , here 's where I revisit that point by stating that the average I needed was ' 63 % ' . Do you know what I got ? I got ' 62 . 25 % ' . I was 0 . 75 % off and they refused to let me into the course . What they didn 't know was that I also refused , I refused to believe this to be my fate . So for weeks after , I kept conversing with the woman who helped me initially with my application ( who happened to be the Acting Team Leader at the time ) to review my case and send it to her superiors . Unfortunately I didn 't meet the minimum entry requirements so I was unsuccessful once again . A . J . BAWSE represents everything I want to be , everything I want to stand for and everything I need to be in order to be the best version of me . At the moment , A . J . BAWSE has done a whole lot of thinking and has told me where I should be going in life . It involves a whole lot of moving , double majors and a dream coming true . A . J . BAWSE is going to be the person that upholds all the promises that were mentioned in my last blog post . He 's going to write more , read more , follow more … Just do MORE ! Because that 's what you all deserve . So as of now , I am changing the name of the author to this blog ( and quite possibly the bio ) . For now , ' AINSWORDLY ' will stay as my site name . But that could be subject to change in the future . BECAUSE SHARING IS CARING : - ) TweetLike this : Like Loading . . . Posted on December 20 , 2016March 31 , 2017THE PROGRESS REPORT ( No . 1 ) - The Reminder to Try Harder ! DISCLAIMER : This is a ' Non - Fictional ' Post . So I came up with an idea over the weekend . This is going to be a new segment in my blog where I just discuss with you the inner workings of my mind . ( I do think a lot , and I figured hey ! Might as well share that with you guys ! ) It happened four days ago … ( Four score , seven years ago . Haha , what ? I couldn 't help myself ) . One year of hard work and preparation ( or lack of ) had come down to this one day . It was this day that had hit me with the realisation of just how delusional and naive I had been . Okay , maybe that 's not entirely true . I guess for the first time in my life I 've actually been working out . ( I know , crazy right ? ! ) But , I have been doing exercises at home in order to get the abs I desire . Well a couple of night ago during my workout , I had finished my second set . And the idea of struggling through the third made me incredibly weary . But I did struggle through it , I completed all of the six exercises that were in the third set ! ( I do three sets of the same exercises 🙂 ) Well , this post is my reminder . To try harder and to know that when I put my mind to it , that I can achieve whatever I want . This post is our reminder to not give up on our goals ( No matter how long they may take , haha ) . Ah , Christmas ! That time of year where we celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ , spend valuable time with family , ( and of course , get presents ! Hehe ) . With Christmas only being three weeks away , it 's made me realise that in the past , I haven 't been the best at sharing . ( Even to this day , if I 'm being completely honest ) . And with adulthood quickly rapidly approaching , maybe now might be the time to change that … ? For example , when I was younger , ( I kid you not ) I was the worst at keeping secrets . I would share the secrets that I had been told practically the moment after I had found out . I would either tell it to the person it was regarding directly . Or I would tell that person 's circle of friends knowing full well that it would be spread ( indirectly ) . Now , I 'm in a situation where I want to share something ( But , I feel that deep down I 'm not doing this for the right reasons ) . I will be sure to go into it in another post , but what I will say is that I 'm giving someone something for the sole purpose of not wanting it anymore . ( Yep , the pettiness is real 😦 ) Sometimes , I can 't help but think that I 'm incapable of sharing . I mean , secrets aren 't the only things that I hold back on . Take my personality for example . My fear of not being liked by everyone ( Or simply not being good enough ) has created this facade of sorts . ( Now don 't get my wrong , this front is a PART of my personality . Maybe even the better part , but I don 't want it to be all of it … ) . So , here it is ! My third post in response to ' # SoCS ' . Thank you so very much Linda for this prompt ! I will admit , it did take me a while to come up with a word . But once I thought of ' share ' I knew that it would tie in perfectly with this prompt and the time of year in which we are in 🙂 2 . Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be . One sentence - one thousand words . Fact , fiction , poetry - it doesn 't matter . Just let the words carry you along until you 're ready to stop . 3 . There will be a prompt every week . I will post the prompt here on my blog on Friday , along with a reminder for you to join in . The prompt will be one random thing , but it will not be a subject . For instance , I will not say " Write about dogs " ; the prompt will be more like , " Make your first sentence a question , " " Begin with the word ' The ' , " or simply a single word to get your started . 4 . Ping back ! It 's important , so that I and other people can come and read your post ! For example , in your post you can write " This post is part of SoCS : " and then copy and paste the URL found in your address bar at the top of this post into yours . Your link will show up in my comments for everyone to see . The most recent pingbacks will be found at the top . NOTE : Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites . If you 're self - hosted or are participating from another host , such as Blogger , please leave a link to your post in the comments below . 5 . Read at least one other person 's blog who has linked back their post . Even better , read everyone 's ! If you 're the first person to link back , you can check back later , or go to the previous week , by following my category , " Stream of Consciousness Saturday , " which you 'll find right below the " Like " button on my post . 6 . Copy and paste the rules ( if you 'd like to ) in your post . The more people who join in , the more new bloggers you 'll meet and the bigger your community will get ! A . J . BAWSE is someone who exudes confidence , who wants to be the best . But , can also handle being the worst . He cares about what other people think of him , but doesn 't ever let it define him . He is better , and he is best .
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Leave a reply Ira Glass from " This American Life " describes one of the biggest struggles any creative professional has to deal with . We know what makes an awesome work of art , but our beginning attempts can 't seem to reach the standards we hold ourselves to . We try and try , and we know it 's not good enough . So what do we do ? As a writer , it 's important to persevere , no matter how hard it seems . The strategies listed below are more like vital parts of a balanced writing life . When one area falls , the equilibrium of creativity falters and crumbles . Write The most important thing to do as a writer is to write . That seems obvious , but many writers get lost in the editing loop , in which they limit their production by continuously editing what they have already written . Every novel you write requires time to create freely and brainstorm through prose without limitation . You might realize halfway along that you 're going to rewrite most of what you 're typing , but that 's the point . Every draft involves a rewrite in some way , big or small . Too many writers think every draft has to be a cohesive story , with everything covered from beginning to end . Talented writing involves stacking layers of drafts and weaving threads together . The more you write , the more skill you acquire . Ira says to increase your volume of work , and I wholeheartedly agree . When I was younger , my dad told me to " practice , practice , practice . " While I always rolled my eyes , I knew he was right . Writing more , and writing often , will keep you in good shape . Read Ira also talks about having taste . Most writers have a taste in prose because they have been reading for a long time . It 's essential to keep reading , to keep exploring new ideas and concepts to keep up with changing trends and standards . While increasing the volume of what you write , also increase the volume of what you read . A delicate balance between the two will keep your creative soul well fed . Relax It 's important to read and write , but creating stories is mentally taxing . Take time to breathe and enjoy life . If you 're anything like me , you 'll find that while you 're relaxing , ideas start flowing in . Sometimes just letting go is all you need to work through a plot hole , character crisis or query letter . Create Being creative in other ways , whether it 's painting , dancing , singing or Jazzercising , can help keep your mind in shape . Writers need to express themselves in some way , and break the barrier between thought and expression . Freeing yourself , and opening yourself up to ideas , makes it much easier to work through a draft . Socialize Most people think writing is a solitary profession , but it really isn 't . After all , writers do what they do so they can connect with readers . Writers work for their audience . Writing groups and conferences are essential to professional growth and craft knowledge . As terrifying as it is to expose your craptastic first drafts to someone , conversing , critiquing and empathizing can greatly help you in your journey . I hope you are as encouraged by Ira 's video as I was . It 's a hard journey , but it 's a worthy one . And remember , no one can write your story better than you . 4 Replies I had a Harry Potter themed Christmas . Yeah , you read that right . My mancrush categorized his gifts to me due to the obscene amount that I fangirl over Harry Potter . Such treasures of love have inspired this instructional post on how to appropriately fangirl . Read the book . Don 't watch the movie until you 've read the book . Otherwise you 're not a genuine fangirl , and societies of fangirls everywhere will cast you aside , leaving you to knit your Gryffindor scarf in solitude . Find your people . Casually drop your favorite book title in conversation and gauge the reaction on a scale of 1 to 10 . If the reaction is 1 , " What the hell is that ? " then don 't befriend that person . If you get a 5 " I saw the trailer for the movie , " then you might have an ally . But it takes a true 10 , " Girl where have you been all my life ? " to tightly knit your new friendship . Make your favorite fictional world your actual world . Fill your life with mementos of your favorite places , worlds and characters . Perhaps if you get that Harry Potter wand remote control , you 'll start to feel like you 're actually at Hogwarts . Or if you put enough Cheshire Cats on your walls , you 'll feel like you 've fallen into Wonderland . Leave a reply Last December Dani had a crisis . She didn 't buy a new car or get her cartilage pierced . She simply stared at her second draft , halfway complete , and panicked . Was the voice too modern ? Did it fit her story world ? Dani didn 't know , and she began to doubt her writing powers . She fretted over coffee with friends , the steam of the java doing nothing to clear her writer 's sinuses . She played with ideas of rewriting the whole thing , of ditching the manifestation of many nights of insomnia , too much caffeine and bursts of creative inspiration . Though she poured her heart into her manuscript , for a weak moment she thought of throwing it all away . It destroys writers , trapping them in a constant cycle of rewriting . They have to make their manuscripts perfect . Have to . They can 't move on , or sleep , or enjoy life until their creation is absolutely flawless . It 's so easy to listen to the panic that constantly orbits below the surface . So how did Dani beat her mid - draft crisis ? She started to understand that being a writer means trusting her own intuition . She discovered that writing groups are fantastic and absolutely necessary , but staying connected with the heart of her story was vital for her writing health . Dani realized this was her story - her masterpiece . There were no hard and fast rules . She only had her creative mind and her knowledge of the writing craft to guide her . The answer she so desperately sought for those long days was always in her own heart . Finish the manuscript . I hope to God nobody sees me here , I keep thinking while The Mystic takes her sweet time . She 's been in that back room for ages , all to get me the little magic pill . I mean really , how hard can it be ? Unless she 's like , back there making it from scratch . But that would be some weird , creepy voodoo , right ? Joan didn 't say anything about that - " Just go and see The Mystic , you know that tiny shop on the strip . I thought it was all just nonsense before , but I swear that happy pill she made me is working like a charm ! I 'm down twenty pounds and I just won my Mary Kay Cadillac ! " Ok , this is stupid , I 'm leaving . I 've got my hand on the doorknob when three of my students walk by outside . I twirl out of sight , praying they weren 't looking . Light splinters on the far wall , there 's a cabinet of weird little glass figurines I didn 't notice when I came in . I duck beneath the windows , and move to get a better look . They 're all human , incredibly detailed , like someone froze time and shrunk ordinary people . Some of them are beautiful and serene , but some look just positively tortured . This one woman is crouched and burying her face in her hands , I want to put my arm around her and tell her I know what she 's feeling , promise her that things can get better . I 'd tell her I know what it feels like to try anything to be happy again . I hear The Mystic shuffling in the back room , so I return to my chair . What is wrong with me ? Having imaginary psych sessions in my head . A second later , The Mystic to comes through the beaded curtain . She 's looking right into me with her mascara - caked eyes , she knows something . Inside the bag I spy a perfectly rounded shiny pill , more like a marble , and a slip of folded paper . " Um , ok . Thanks , fresh orange juice , I 'll make sure . What do I owe you ? " " Your blood signifies a binding contract . Do not break the terms . " She holds on for a silent moment , her eyes blazing , then lets go and nods to the bag in my hand , " It 's all in there . " " Fifty percent of profits my ass ! " I whisper to myself for the third time today . The Mystic 's terms didn 't mean anything to me when I was just swallowing some gypsy pill , but now that my new CEO husband 's bonus is rolling in and I 've won my school a national scholarship , I 've got a bill from The Mystic . And I do not want to pay up . There must be some kind of loophole . I mean , all she did was sell me the pill , she 's not responsible for my success . Except when I went to see her about it , the shop was boarded up and I can 't exactly ask Joan . . . I miss Joan . I wish I knew where she went . It still feels wrong , the way she just up and left . But no one seems to know anything or care . I keep hoping she bought a private island and just went off the grid or something , all that money . Except that now I need her here to help me with the damn terms of this blood oath . Ugh . No . No . I 'm not paying that woman a penny . That 's all there is to it . Plus , how do I even know that pill worked ? True , I 'm happier than ever . But she had nothing to do with finding the love of my life or growing my career . I 'm the one who did all the work . Yep , nothing to worry about , I decide as I crumple up The Mystic 's terms and chuck them in the trash . We 're moving again , I can always tell when it 's about to happen . Things get loud and frenzied . My vision is limited , a glass figurine can 't move its head , you know . But I can see movement , I can still hear the noise . I can 't believe what a fool I was , thinking I could buy myself a new life . I didn 't know happiness was a thing inside a person . That seems obvious now . I 've learned loads since defying those terms . Acceptance is another one - to see and accept what is . Like that blood oath , God , that oath was binding , yes sir . Amazing how many people try to get around it , they 're my companions now , The Mystic 's little trinkets . Immortalized in colored glass . That 's one thing I try to be grateful for . That I 'm not alone . And Joan , dear Joan . She 's here with me . I can see her just from the corner of my eye , standing as tall and graceful as ever . And happy , she looks happy . The memory still permeated her mind , and Rae shook , curling herself into a ball and pulling the sheets over her head . Just a dream . Just a dream . But even the words her therapist told her to repeat to herself did not alleviate her terror . For it was at night when all the dreams came to her . When she shouldered the nightmares of the world and took them all in herself , so that others could sleep peacefully . A great chill rolled down her spine as she remembered the suited man from her dream . The man with the auburn eyes . He 'd wanted something from her , but Rae couldn 't remember it . She only remembered the man 's eyes and the surety of her terror . She willed it all away , squeezing her eyes shut , but a memory resurfaced of her very first nightmare when she was just two years old . She sorted through hazy details , her mind reaching to grab for something she should remember . And then she did remember . Her first nightmare had been of a man with eyes the color of dried blood . She swallowed . Surely she was overreacting . It couldn 't possibly be the same dream . With so many nightmares in the world , she never had to repeat one . That was her only solace . But this one … it had seemed so familiar . She pulled the blankets from her body and stepped out of bed . When she stood she shook her shoulders and exhaled . She could do this . She was the Nightmare Queen , after all , and it was only a curse if she let the nightmares win . She stepped toward her bedroom door , which she kept shut so as not to wake her parents with screaming . Turning the doorknob , her heart raced , but she didn 't know why . She was only going to the kitchen to pour a glass of milk , as she did when the dreams were too much . When she needed comfort and didn 't want to wake anyone . She was sure of it , but again , she did not know why . She tiptoed to their room , not trusting the creaky floor to be quiet enough . And when she reached their bedroom door , she cracked it slightly . Rae walked to the bed and ran her fingers over the smooth comforter . Where are they ? Why did they leave ? She pressed her nose to her mother 's pillow and could still smell the perfume she sprayed after her bath . They had been there last night . They had slept in that bed . And now ? Now they were gone . Rae couldn 't help the tears streaming down her cheeks . The dream had been too real , too familiar . She couldn 't distance herself from it . She needed her parents . She needed her mother to stroke her hair and her father to hum her a song . Note : We tried something new for this edition of Flash Fiction Friday , we asked someone else to pick our prompt . Thanks to Jeremy Duke for the inspiration for our stories this week ! We want to make this a regular thing , so if you 'd like to pick our prompt for a future Flash Fiction Friday , leave a comment . We 'll feature you on the post and link back to your blog or website ! Now , on to the stories . Loud Man stood in line , silently waiting his turn . This was the only moment all week he was silent . They called him Loud Man for a reason . At the bars . They called him this at the bars , for where else would anyone call him anything ? He was the kind of man a bar was made for , the kind of man the Elephant was made for , which was why he was waiting in line . Waiting silently for his turn , restless hands in pockets to keep the rest of him still . Silent so that he could think how best to speak to the Elephant . You 'd think coming every week to the Elephant would accustom a man to how to speak to it , but then you 'd be the wrong kind of person . The Elephant . Loud Man had laughed loudest when he 'd first heard of the ridiculous notion , of standing in line to speak to an elephant - a rusted , faded , cutout discarded by some passing circus maybe . But that was before he 'd tried it . Before he 'd stood silent long enough to gather the words together that rattled around inside him . Constantly . Louder than a rumbling train . Meticulously , silently gathered the words , lovingly calmed them like some shaking rabbit , tentatively offered the right ones like a prayer . Before he 'd seen the Elephant 's kind eye watching him as he spoke his carefully , silently crafted thoughts . The line shortened one transgressor at a time , bent beneath the woes or hopes or fears they 'd been collecting all week ; no one knew what another said to the Elephant . That was the point , wasn 't it ? Loud Man was nearly there , his words lined up in a neat row , his now - silent tongue occupied with their repetition . Whispered , a fledgling in the mouth of this man with the busy jaw . And there now , he felt the calming that grew with every shuffled step . His turn came at last . He stepped forward , realizing suddenly why he came . He brought the Elephant his words , as he brought the bartender his coin . Payment all the same , but the difference is in their eyes , he thought . The Elephant 's eyes were kind . Oh , and the mouth of rusted tin , it said nothing back to Loud Man . There 's a rule , you know , that if you find something you love it will kill you . Because that 's the only way to be in love . To die a little , in some way . Bullshit . I hate rules . I love ice cream , but it doesn 't kill me . At least not immediately . I love my dog Chauncy but he hasn 't tried to attack me in my sleep like a Nylabone . 1 ) The stars . What kind of motives do the stars have to kill a seventeen - year - old dude ? I mean I let them exist , I ogle at them when they come out , say poetic shit to impress my girlfriend . I draw maps of constellations and sometimes make up my own . One time I found a penis in the sky . Seriously , a penis . I dubbed it the Great Penisarium . I 'm a genius , really . But I 've been looking at the stars and planets and cool space shit since I was like three . And at three you don 't really get to pick what you love . 2 ) Naked women . As much as my health teacher wants me to think touching a bare breast will lead me to my imminent death , I 'm not buying it . I 've touched Rose 's breasts before , and if that 's dying , I 'd do it a million times over . They are like natural pillows . No , like travel pillows . Always there to lean your head against when you 've had a hard day or your pet snake died or you had to flush your cigarettes in front of the principal . Whatever . Boobs are worth dying for . 3 ) Freaking Harpists . I 'm not sissy enough to actually play the harp , but I swear to the God that might be up there it 's an instrument of the angels . Just do me a favor , have a girl play the harp for you and try not to look at the way her fingers pluck the chords and wonder what it would feel like if they traveled elsewhere . Listen to those notes and try not to fall into a trance where you think the world is made of pizza and you can only play football as a profession . Rose plays the harp , but mostly she just plays me . I 'm like putty in her hands , as malleable as harp strings . I have this fantasy of walking up to her while she 's playing and leaning her back in her little stool and … I digress . Harps are the shit . So take that messed up , screwed up society in which we 're all brainwashed to think that love is like Liam Neeson , that it will find you and that it will kill you , because I 'm here to tell you I love many things . I love stars , breasts , harpists . Hell , I might even love Rose . What can I say ? I 'm complex . Maybe even the exception to the love rule . I guess you could say in some way , invincible . 7 Replies I should have known by his name that this man would be the larger - than - life figure I needed as inspiration for my protagonist . Isambard Kingdom Brunel . You 're destined for greatness with a name like that . And I needed some real - world greatness to help me lay a foundation for my protagonist . In my previous post , " Research : An Antidote for Writers Block , " I wrote about using research to solve some of the structural problems in the world of my fantasy novel . I scoured the Internet for notable figures from the Victorian Era and stumbled onto Brunel . I had found my man : an influential engineer whose name , work , and character lived far beyond the reach of his natural lifetime . Not only did he create some of the most innovative and memorable structures of the Victorian Industrial Age , but he stood out among his contemporaries as a person of tireless vision and ambition , even from a young age . Twenty - one years old . I was still in college . . . changing my major , how about you ? What were you doing at twenty - one ? This man , I . K . Brunel , was already working as resident engineer on the construction of the Thames Tunnel . Can you imagine ? He was working alongside his father , Marc Brunel , a prominent engineer of the time , who had invented a tunneling shield that made building the underwater tunnel possible . It was the first of its kind and , at its opening in 1843 , it was named the Eighth Wonder of the World . But the road to success wasn 't always glorious - the tunnel flooded during the third year of construction , and six of the crew were killed ; Brunel barely survived when his assistant pulled his unconscious body from the water . It wouldn 't be the last time Brunel found himself in a tough spot . From there , he worked on the Bristol Clifton Suspension Bridge . Like the Thames Tunnel , it was a record breaker - the longest bridge in the world at the time it was built . Brunel , then twenty - three years old , submitted one design after another and found himself battling the design put up by Thomas Telford , a well - known engineer in his seventies and the chair of the Clifton committee . But in the end Brunel won the commission . As if that David - and - Goliath - scale victory weren 't enough , he gained more notoriety with his next stunt . During construction , someone had the brilliant idea to string up a 1 , 000 - foot iron bar that would carry a basket back and forth to bring supplies across the chasm . And guess who volunteered to test it ? Yep , Brunel - he climbed into the basket and set off across the gorge , and it was going well . . . until the rope snagged . So he climbed out and freed it so he could get across . He was stranded , what else could he do , right ? Needless to say , people took notice . So you can imagine by now what kind of man we 're talking about . Now think bigger , much bigger . As in Titanic . Before the infamous steamship was a twinkle in Thomas Andrews ' eye , I . K . Brunel was dreaming of The Great Western . He was convinced he could carry a passenger across the Atlantic by steam power - not so remarkable to a twenty - first century mind , but at the time it had never been done and . . . Brunel had never before designed a ship . Though he was opposed , ridiculed , and badly burned during construction , he saw the ship completed and arriving in New York from London in 1838 . Oh and , by the way , it was the longest ship in the world . The rest of Brunel 's life followed a similar trajectory of one innovative project after another . And it was this more than anything that drew me to him as a character of history : he was a man with astounding imagination , who broke through the boundaries of the known world , and the challenges of his own life , to pioneer a way into the future as we know it . I relied on details from Brunel 's life - engineering competitions , the setup of a drafting office , techniques of shipbuilding - to help construct my protagonist 's life and work , though the challenges he faces are of a more fantastical nature . Still , he has the heartbeat of men like Brunel : ambitious , visionary , groundbreaking . After all , it 's what makes us love them and root for them no matter where we find them . How about you ? Where did the ideas for your characters or other narrative elements come from ? Did you look into history to find inspiration or another place entirely ? It 's not always the feedback of others that keeps us going . It 's not always our successes that keep us trying . Sometimes , it 's just a few simple words . I can do this . I will . The hardest part of pursuing a dream of any kind is having faith in yourself even when it seems stupid . Even when you 've been rejected or criticized . Learning to use your setbacks as opportunities for growth and change is an essential part of the process . We must not lose those words , those mantras that keep us going as we transition from phase to phase . Sometimes those words come from a new friend outside the bookstore , but most often they come from within . Relying on our own internal cheerleading can make the creative journey a difficult one . One that demands something from us that we are not readily willing to give .
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I then made the mistake of opening the living room blinds , only to see that the wind had blown our gazebo over . I could see the tear in the canvas cover and the metal bars were bent . So , I did the only thing I could do at that point . I closed the blinds . Birthdays used to be fun . Getting another year older was greeted with excitement and everyone gathered around to celebrate the milestone . I looked forward to receiving gifts and being treated great all day . Oh well . Such is the life of a mother . I would rather have my kids and all their faults then not having them at all . They did get me some very pretty , scented candles : ) For some reason , I am really feeling my age this time around . I just keep seeing 40 growing closer and closer . It sounds old , but now that I have many friends who are 40 and over , it does not seem that old at all . I still feel like I am in college and I am pretty sure they feel the same way . Anyway , it was a nice day , in the midst of typical children . I got to sleep in until 8 : 30 ( that really was a big deal for me ) , followed by breakfast in bed . I went grocery shopping - alone . We went out to eat after the soccer games were over and I received a free dessert complete with the restaurant staff singing to me . Very loudly . We also had cake and ice cream at the house . Candles were forgotten , so after searching my cupboards , the only candles I could find were old number candles from the kids ' past birthday parties . However , the only numbers I could find were " 3 " and " 1 . " So , I blew out candles that said I was " 31 . " He has randomly taken a step here or there , but then immediately fallen to his kness , because , let 's face it - crawling is faster for an eleven - month old . However , yesterday , while playing with his toys in the living room , he stopped to walk to me . Then he did it again . And again . True , he fell pretty quickly , but I blame it on the shouts of excitment that came from Caleb and me as we celebrated this huge accomplishment . I think he could have kept going , but the doorbell rang , ending our moment . I answered it , thinking it was one of the neighbors coming to play . Nope . Mormons . Now , any other time I would have loved to have chatted with them , firmly , but lovingly , defending my faith . However , Noah 's shining moment had then become a screaming fit because I dared to walk more than two feet away from him . Sorry , Mormon guys - my screaming baby was not going to help me show the patience that my faith teaches me to have . Nick planned on taking Abby and Caleb to the Reds game tonight . It was the last chance to take them to a game for this season that was not on a school night . The only thing the kids had to do was not cry if they lost their soccer games and pick up their stuff around the house . Well , Caleb was doing okay . He was playing soccer really well and was keeping a good attitude . All of a sudden , the other team had the nerve to stop him from running the ball down and scoring again , and he just stopped in the middle of the field . We assumed it was because he was tired since he had been in the entire game at that point . He took a break and we thought he was going to go back in . Nope . For no logical reason , Caleb decided to not play the rest of the game . No matter what we said or what his coach said , he refused . While we all watched his team lose the lead and get destroyed ( I am clearly not bragging since I am admitting his terrible attitude , but he is the best player on the team so far ) , our confusion grew . Who was this kid ? Certainly not ours - we are better parents than that , right ? After shutting down his arguments and excuses , Caleb finally admitted he was wrong and apologized . He knows he is going to apologize to his coach and if he ever does that again , soccer is over . It is not about winning or losing the game - it is about quitting . He needs to know that he cannot quit the game just because he is mad at how it is going . He is almost five - years old . Shouldn 't he know all of these life lessons , yet ? He knows how to walk , but just does not want to . He likes to take a step toward me and then fall into my arms . He stands around a lot so I know he knows how to walk , but life seems much easier for him when he crawls . His speed is ridiculous . Within seconds , he crawls to exactly where I do not want him to crawl . This little guy has also mastered the stairs . He never practiced on them , but the other day , I found him halfway up the stairs . After I recovered from my stroke , I carefully walked down toward him , so as not to scare him into falling . So , now that my super fast boy thinks the stairs are fun , we have officially moved the ottoman to the bottom of the staircase to block him from going up . Yes , I have heard of gates , but the ottoman does not ruin my walls like the gate did . I do let Noah climb all the way up when I am following him and once he reaches the top , he raises his hands in celebration and then claps . Something I could live without - screeching . He can communicate words like , " Mommy , Daddy , Uh - Oh , Thank you , " and other sweet sounding words . So I am confused on why he thinks he needs to screech at a high pitched sound to get my attention . My head is literally aching every night . I guess it is one of those things that we parents like to forget about . Kind of like how a mother forgets the pain of childbirth ( kind of ) enough to want to go through it again . We must forget irritating stages ( like screeching ) and remember all of the sweet moments . Otherwise , all families would consist of one child . Noah loves food . All kinds of food . He tolerates me feeding him yogurt , but other than that , he wants to be feeding himself . He eats food like his brother does - he shovels it . Sometimes I see the look on Abby 's face when she is sitting between her brothers at dinnertime - it is a look combined of disgust and " How did I get here ? " He is a lot of fun to play with now . Caleb crawls around and Noah chases him . The kids also love to push him in the dumptruck as you can see on this video . He is such the third kid . Noah continues to be really attached to me , which is sometimes frustrating , but usually very sweet . Before I know it , he will be too busy for me . I want to enjoy this cuddling baby as long as I can . I arrived at work , walked into the kitchen , and was confused as to where everyone was . I walked out into the dinning room and saw my co - workers glued to the television . I joined them and watched in horror at what I was seeing unfold in front of me . As reports came in of other crashes , I began to wonder who was next ? A plane crashed in rural Pennsylvania and my immediate thoughts were going out to anyone that I knew who lived near there . By the time the restaurant opened for lunch , we were slammed with customers who just wanted a place to watch television during their lunch hour . No one really cared what they ordered - they just numbly sat there , staring at the news reports . Business men sat with construction workers . No one complained about their food or the wait on their order ( since I was the only waitress on a normally slow Tuesday ) . They just sat there and stared . Nick was student teaching and called me at work . My mom was at a church meeting and also called me . I called my best friend who lived not too far from the Pennsylvania crash . We all just wanted to hear each other 's voices in the midst of the chaos . Things changed that day . In some ways , it feels like it just happened . In other ways , I have a tough time remembering life before the event . After awhile , life continued to go on . We got married a few months later and celebrated without a care in the world . We got on a plane and flew to our honeymoon destination , only pausing to complain about the length of time it took to go through security . But , I think about those people who lost someone that day . They do not need it to be the actual day to remember all of the heartache and loss . They remember it every second of every day . My prayers go out to them . I cannot imagine losing someone in such a vicious way and having to be reminded of the details of it with every news report . Of course . What else would his name be ? Since one of our fish and most of Caleb 's stuff animals are named after his favorite Reds player , of course the beetle 's name would follow suit . As we started our trip , it was suggested that Caleb let Votto go on the side of the road , since chances were slim that he would survive the five hour drive . As Caleb thought about his choice , I saw his face begin to crumble . He had to either let the bug go and save his life , or keep his new friend for a little longer , risking his end . The sobs began and we finally agreed to let Votto continue on our journey a little longer . Caleb let the beetle crawl all over him and talked very sweetly with him . My favorite line of the trip was " I just kissed him ! " True to family pet tradition , Caleb passed out into a blissful nap on the way home while Nick and I took turns checking on the bug . We made sure he was still alive and not escaping . Finally , about an hour from home , Caleb finally agreed that his " moving slower than before " friend needed to breathe the open air and leave us . We pulled over , Caleb said his tearful ( and I mean tearful ) good - bye to Joey Votto , and I released him into the wild . We talked about how he would find a wife and start a family and be happy . As we pulled away , Caleb sobbed and stared out the back window . I love Caleb 's tender heart . And his imagination . He truly believes in his heart that this beetle and his new family will find their way to our house someday . Both kids are now talking about wanting a dog and a cat . Lord , help me . The cover alone makes me angry . Let us take a young girl , full of emotions that are out of control , put her in front of a mirror and have her long for the skinny look . Best part of the book is that she loses a ton of weight in a short time , becomes pretty and popular and has guys interested in her . I am all about kids being healthy and exercising and eating the right foods . However , throw the word " diet " in front of little girls , and you are practically forcing the eating disorder to start early . Abby is six - years old and is already starting to compare herself to others ( which deeply saddens me ) . The last thing these young girls need is to have a book geared toward their age , telling them that they need to look like this ideal . My kids eat healthy because I give them their food . They even get to have cookies and ice cream and candy - all within reason . So far , they all seem to be " good enough " for the standard by which our society says is beautiful . For kids who have more freedom to eat anything they want , then perhaps weight problems can arise , but is that their fault ? Even if the author is writing this for a 14 - year - old , I highly doubt most 14 - year - olds are cooking for themselves . Write a book for parents . Well , I am not a fattie , I do not eat and complain all day . Neither do my children . But , as a mother of an impressionable little girl , I do object . I do not live in a dream world . I know that their are many obese children who need to understand healthy eating and exercise habits . However , their parents are 99 % part of that outcome . If the parents do not care enough to feed their children properly , they certainly will not care enough to buy them a book about dieting . The ones who read the book will most likely be the kids who have nothing to worry about . Weight problems , even with children , all stem from something else . Ask anyone who has struggled with either over - eating or any kind of eating disorder . . . it never goes away . This Maggie will still be the same person inside no matter what size she shrinks down to . Her insecurities will remain the same . And her beauty . Since I will be one of the ones avoiding this book in the library , I suppose I am one of those " fatties who eats and complains . " Because , there is no other logical explanation to object to this book , right ?
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As she returned , Warlord Gordar and the vizier were about to execute the remaining Krills . In a last ditch effort , Pearl lost her life and Ember took the vizier 's life in return . With the vizier gone , Gordar vanished like the illusion that he was . While Ember could rule the city as a queen she refused to do so . She found it was morally unjust to replace one lie with another . Besides , the crown belonged to her sister . As Ember , Kiley and the remaining Krill survivors left the kingdom of Rhagus , they left Pearl there to be buried by her own people . Ember herself thought at first that the man going with the name Storm was a spy . As Kiley sprung them out of prison the trio was tailed by Ghast and his men . It was thanks to the sacrifice of Kiley 's men that the trio could escape to the city underground , where Kiley lost his life battling the Warlord . As Storm and Ember reached the underground city of Mandros they met the Mandroid , a self thinking projection that showed them around the ancient machinery , which had the power to restore the waters near Florida to its original height . In his greed , Ghast pushed the fatal button and doomed himself and his people . The Mandroid led Ember and Storm to safety and conjured a raft to keep them afloat . While Master Cush at first was thinking about making a gladiator out of her just like he planned with Storm , she was employed as servant until she started to train in the impalement arts as a knife thrower . When they reached the city of Soamandrakisal , a battle of life and death between the city 's Champion and one of the circus ' gladiators took place . Storms friend Barledoon was chosen for this . In a raging fit , Storm decked the victorious champion after he had learned that Barledoon was drugged before the fight started . Ember was given as a hostage . If Storm didn 't return from The Fortress of Death , she would be fed to the sleeping giant He - who needs - to - be - fed ! Unknowing to the inhabitants , it was only a hologram . Storm and Ember continued their journey , but had to cross a salt desert . Ember fainted from exhaustion , but Storm managed to carry her to a shelter , despite being attacked by birds of prey . They rested at the reef until Ember awakened from the noise of a stranger trying to find a hiding place . The skin of the strange man was totally white . Storm tried to help the ' whiteman ' but suddenly two men , Mikkie and Kirst , appeared and shot a small red disc onto the whiteman 's forehead . With the hypno , Mikkie was able to control the mind and the body of the whiteman and Storm and Ember were taken prisoner , although the whiteman had to knock out Storm first . On the way to their camp , Mikkie explained the situation to Ember . Because the United Cities were dealing with overpopulation , they had hired a scientist named Prov to find a way to make it possible for people to live in the desert . Through genetic changes Prov was able to transform people into a new race , Homo Desertus . The whiteman was a future inhabitant of the desert . But as no one wanted to live in the desert , Banjo and his gang supplied Prov with ' guinea pigs ' through razzias . Banjo was impressed by Ember 's beauty and tried to ' tame ' her . Storm , who had regained consciousness , grabbed Banjo , but his attempt to rescue Ember failed when Mikkie shot a hypno at him . When Ember tries to remove the hypno on Storm 's forehead , an electrical shock knocked her out . She was locked up while Storm was taken into the korite mines for slave labour . When Ember woke up in one of the barracks , she found herself imprisoned . But thanks to a drunken guard she was able to escape . She then forced another sleepy guard , Torn , to bring her to Storm . They were however discovered by Banjo , who even killed Torn so that Ember couldn 't use him as human shield . Ember still managed to shoot Banjo and wound his head . She then continued into the mines where she found Storm . But Mikkie was there too , trying to shoot a hypno onto Ember . At that moment , Storm shot Mikkie with his ray drill . Seeing it was Storm who saved her , Ember ran straight to him , even though Storm still had the hypno on his forehead . Storm then dragged Ember into a heli , and flew to Prov 's lab , as it was Prov who was controlling him through the hypno . Prov only saved Storm and Ember from Banjo 's grasp to use them in his own plans . He thought Storm and Ember would be the perfect ancestors for his new Homo Desertus race , so he planned to have them transformed into ' whitemen ' as well . Ember tried to stop Prov , but instead she herself was stopped by a whiteman . At the last moment Ember resisted the whiteman with all her might and aimed her gun at Prov . As Prov ducked for cover , the shot from Ember 's gun destroyed the central hypnometer . All hypno 's fell from Storm 's and the whiteman 's foreheads . When they realised what had happened , the whitemen attacked Banjo and his gang , but had to retreat into the desert . Prov was furious to see his new race start their life in the desert in such an ' unglorious ' way and attacked Ember , but Storm knocked him out . Storm and Ember fled the lab in a heli , but they were struck by Banjo 's ray - mitraillette and Storm had to make a crash landing in the desert . They were found by the desert people who initially thought they belonged to Banjo 's gang , but one of them noticed Storm too had a hypno mark on his forehead . They took Storm and Ember with them . When Ember regained consciousness , Storm told her about the strange powers of the desert people . Storm had seen how they had healed Ember 's wounds by merely touching them . Together they watched how the desert people summoned a cyclone of salt and dust , which wiped out Banjo 's gang almost completely . Only Banjo survived , and Ember watched how he and Storm fought upon live and death , a fight which ended when Banjo lost his helmet and was blinded by the sunlight . Storm and Ember then followed the desert people to the remains of the camp , hoping to find a heli or an aero to take them out of the desert . The desert people themselves took revenge on Prov by turning him into a whiteman too . They said farewell , and Storm and Ember took an aero and flew out of the desert . . . towards the jungle of the continent that once was South America . When Storm and Ember flew on the aero over the Green Hell , they were attacked by birds of prey . During the fight , Storm fell off the aero into the jungle . Ember was barely able to control the aero , but managed to escape from the birds by flying through an open space between the trees . After a while , the aero crashed against a rock wall , but Ember had jumped off just in time . She fell down into the deepest parts of the jungle , her death prevented by constant bumping against the branches of the trees but still the long fall left her unconscious . When she woke up , she found herself surrounded by cannibalistic mutants . But as the mutants were about to take her to their lair , she was ' rescued ' by Toriander - with - the - Quick - Death . Toriander took Ember to the city Forgetyourworries , planning to sell her . Ember fled from Toriander , and received help from Saran , the owner of the local pub . Saran disguised Ember so she would be safe from Toriander , as she hated Toriander : The Quick Death ( a laser gun ) had caused Saran to lose her arm . Saran ( left ) disguised Ember to hide her from Toriander . Meanwhile Toriander had put a price on Ember 's head , but his men were however not able to find her . But one of Saran 's waitresses had discovered that Saran hid Ember from Toriander . She told Toriander she knew where Ember was hiding , and Toriander forcefully retrieved the information that Ember was with Saran , not knowing that Ember 's best friend Storm was watching him . Toriander furiously stormed to Saran 's room . He quickly found out that Ember was disguised . Downstairs Storm recognised Ember 's voice when she cried for help . He came in time to save Ember from Toriander , but Toriander had already killed Saran . For this , Storm gave Toriander a fierce beating . After the fight , Storm ordered Toriander to reveal where he had found the space helmet Storm found in Grandpa 's hut , but a frightened Toriander said that " they " would kill him if he said anything . After asking who exactly would kill him , a thunderstorm struck the city and Toriander , pointing to the storm , stated THEY would kill him . Indeed , Toriander was soon killed by a bolt of lightning . As the storm was destroying the city , Storm and his friends tried to escape by climbing lianas . An exhausted Ember soon fell down into the depths of the jungle . Here she found shelter in a hollow tree where Storm soon found her again . But as the storm kept flooding the jungle , they had no choice than to find a way out . They were captured by the mutants , who took them to their lair . To Storm 's surprise , the mutants were living in a graveyard for space ships . The mutants planned to eat Storm and Ember , but they were surprised when their lair was flooded too . Storm managed to grab the knife from one mutant and free Ember and himself from the net that held them . As the water level kept rising , the mutants climbed the wrecks , but Storm and Ember went inside one of the old space ships . Here they found space suits , and luckily the oxygen installations still worked , so they wouldn 't drown . Suddenly , from a hatch on the bottom of the flooded jungle , " frogmen " appeared . They shot Storm and Ember with tranquilizers and took them away . When Ember woke up , she found herself shackled and connected to strange machinery controlled by a blue - skinned man . Storm immediately came to help her , but more blue - skinned men appeard . Their Supervisor ordered the Censor to release Ember from her bonds and explained the situation with the help of a three - dimensional movie . The blue - skinned men , Azurians , came from the over - populated planet Azurion searching for other planets to live . One of those planets was the Earth , and during a galactic war , the forces of Earth was crushed . The Azurians decided to spare the remaining Earthlings , but to prevent they would ever again become a threat to the Azurians , all Earthlings were ' erased ' , all knowledge they had gathered throughout the centuries was banished from their brains . And so they became barbarians again . Human spies , such as Toriander , were used to warn the Azurians for any technical development . This unnatural balance had lasted for thousands of years . . . until the time traveller Storm arrived , armed with all the knowledge the Azurians thought they had destroyed . This danger could only be eliminated by erasing it . At some time while fleeing for the Azurians , Storm and Ember found a place inside a mountain range which Storm as an old air - raid shelter . This shelter was however used as a home for a group of humans led by Mordegai . They were captured , but Storm told him all about the Azurians . When later a group of Azurians were captured , and recognised Storm , Mordegai concluded that Storm had spoken the truth . Mordegai teamed up with Storm and Ember , despite complaints of his right - hand man Balder . To fight the Azurians , Storm decided to re - activate the shelter . Ember overlooked this process with him . Storm and Ember overlooking the reactivation of the air - raid shelter . But Balder , who had grown jealous of Storm and Mordegai 's growing friendship , let the captured Azurians escape . Soon the Azurians , led by the Supervisor , attack the shelter . But Storm was able to re - activate the shelter just in time and with the help of a magnetic beam , the Azurians are defeated for the first time in many millenia . The humans choose Storm as their leader , even Balder who now understands the Azurians are truly the enemy . This is the start of the Battle for Earth , and Ember accompanies Storm as he marches with an army towards the nearest city . During the march they are attacked by an Azurian squad led by general Solon . But Storm has yet another secret weapon which electrocutes most of the Azurians . Seeing his men die , Solon vows revenge on the Supervisor who had ignored Solon 's advice to wait for more information about possible secret weapons . He goes to the earthlings ' camp and convinces Storm that he wants to help them get into a city . Suspecting a trap , Storm leaves Balder in command and together with Ember and Bork he goes along with Solon . They do walk into a trap , but this trap is not Solon 's work . The Supervisor had been warned by a few surviving members of Solon 's squad when they heard Solon 's vow for revenge through the radio . As the Earthlings , informed by the escaped Bork about the ' trap ' , attack , Storm , Ember and Solon are locked up . They are however freed by Solon 's girlfriend Silene , who had knocked out the Supervisor and stolen the keys of the cell . They now were able to attack the city from inside and open the city gates . But although Storm and his men were victorious , the Supervisor captured Ember . With her as a hostage he demanded a free retreat . Months pass , but no trace of Ember or the Supervisor could be found , until Solon remembered that the Supervisor often retreated to an old Chulthu - cloister in the Himalaya . An attempt to save Ember however failed , as first Storm and Solon simply walked into a trap , and then an Inspector from the Azurian High Council came to investigate the rumours about a revolt on Earth . Shocked to see that Solon had betrayed his own race , the Inspector decided that the Supervisor had to be taken to Mars to answer for his actions before the High Council . Ember was taken with them . The High Council sentenced the Supervisor for high treason to life - long hard labour , and decided to deal with Storm . They offered Storm to come to Mars as negotiator in exchange for Ember 's life . Storm agreed , but when Ember arrived on Earth , it was just like she didn 't see Storm at all . Indeed , Storm was betrayed , as this " Ember " was nothing but a projection . The real Ember was still a captive . Storm and Ember were led before the High Council and given the choice between being erased , or death . They both chose death , and they would be executed after 24 Mars - hours . In the meantime they were locked up . But then the Supervisor came to warn the Council about a revolt in the Mars - canals , caused by Balder and Solon , to rescue Storm and Ember . A rehabilitated Supervisor was then granted his wish to the executioner of Storm and Ember . But the Supervisor betrayed the Council : He merely executed a projection of Storm and Ember , and then eradicated the surprised Council after which he escaped from Mars with Storm and Ember as his prisoners . But as the Supervisor forced Storm to control the dimension ship , he didn 't notice that Storm had put the dimension regulator into the opposite direction . Suddenly the dimension ship was caught in a galactic thunderstorm . Despite Ember 's attempt to stop him , the Supervisor escaped with a space pod . Storm and Ember then returned to their own dimension . First they returned to Mars to meet Balder and Solon . Then , returning to Earth , they made many succesful peace treaties with the Azurians . However , on the Moon a new Council of Azurian supervisors was formed , aiming to take revenge on Storm , the ' apostate ' Azurians and on the Earth . A final decisive battle for Earth was at hand . . . Later she went with Storm to an Azurian colony in the North to see the little girl Bitak , who had developed telekinetic skills . Storm decided to take the little girl to Mordegai , but the bored child used her powers to fly the plane to the moon . The lack of oxygen made them lose consciousness , but they were ' rescued ' by a group of Azurian space pirates . They recognised Storm and Ember , and it was only thanks to Bitak 's powers that Storm was killed . Bitak stayed with the pirates while Storm and Ember were put back inside their plane and launched back to Earth . Returning to Mordegai , Storm and Ember were suddenly attacked by their own men , as Mordegai 's assistant Benjamin had told Balder an Azurian ship with spies was approaching Freetown . Storm managed to make a crash landing , and he and Ember walked to Freetown . On their way they met Azurian refugees . Benjamin had told the people that Storm and Ember were murdered by Azurians and had started a ' witch hunt ' . Storm and Ember entered Freetown through the sewers , just like they did with Solon when the city was still occupied by the Supervisor , and caught Benjamin who was poisoning Mordegai . They give Benjamin his freedom in exchange for the anitdote , but instead of the antidote , Benjamin gave an extra dose of poison , which kills Mordegai . While searching for Benjamin , and also for Bitak , Ember came to tell Storm that a drifting spaceship was found with a statue of Storm on board . Storm and Ember visit the spaceship to see the statue and then travel to the colony by the Tecumseh Lake on Venus , where the spaceship came from . Their arrival chase away the pirates who were attacking the colony . When taking care of the wounded people , an old man tells about the temple on the bottom of the lake where the statues of Storm were found . Storm and Ember decided to dive down into the lake to search for the temple . Inside the temple they were greeted by a group of fishmen who told about a group of ' star travellers ' whose ship , with many statues of Storm on board , crashed down on Venus . Storm understood some sort of cult around him had been formed after his disappearance . The fishmen , who were overjoyed the ' god of the statues ' had come , wished for Storm to stay with them and wanted to turn Storm and Ember into fish people . They were saved by the soldiers who thought Storm and Ember were staying under water far too long . After this , they set a trap for the space pirates . But they were too late , as Bitak had already left the pirates , together with Benjamin . A search for them had no results , so Storm decided on solving the secret of Bitak 's powers . Shortly after finding out that the normally deadly Nitron rays created telekinetic powers in combination with a rare blood type , a wounded Bitak herself appeared in a dimension ship . She warned Storm that Benjamin and the Supervisor had figured out the secret too and were planning to attack the Earth with an army of gifted Azurians . The attack was however neutralized by the telekinetically gifted Azurians on Earth . After this attack , the psychic Azurians decided to never again use their powers for war . They left Earth in search for a place where they could live in peace . Bitak joined them after saying farewell to Storm and Ember . The Voyager Virus Edit Although peace and fraternization between the Earthlings and the Azurians had been established , Storm and Ember were fed up with all politics . Especially after archaeologists had found a " Museum of Humankind " , and Storm was again able to fly again in a Spitfire , he again longed to go back to his own time and he and Ember talked about a possibility to fly back through the Red Spot on Jupiter , now that spaceships were more advanced . Ember knew her friend too well and realising he would travel alone , she went on board on Storm 's spaceship as a stowaway . One of the few moments that Ember was very furious at Storm was when he decided to return to the Red Spot without her . So Storm and Ember travelled together into the Red Spot . Just before losing consciousness Storm ordered the computer to let the spaceship return to Earth . As the spaceship was too severely damaged to land , they had to launch the capsule and make a crash landing on Earth . As they regained consciousness , they found themselves surrounded by dinosaur - like creatures who were about to sacrifice them to their goddess Yggdrasil . Ember in particular was upset when the Priest of Yggdrasil revealed the skin under her clothes to check if they were suitable sacrifices . But as the priest was about to kill Ember , the leader of the dinosaur - men , Wag - Nar , appeared to remind the priest that according to their law that the humans had to be given the choice between a quick death or a battle . Storm stated they had come in peace and did not want to fight , but he immediately changed his mind when Wag - Nar knocked out Ember , and even stated he was going to fight Wag - Nar . Wag - Nar , impressed by Storm 's courage , accepted the duel , but he easily defeated Storm . At that moment , Storm recognised the goddess Yggdrasil as a tyrannosaurus . With these words , he fulfilled a prophecy that a man named Storm would come to the dinosaur - men to reunite them with their goddess . From that moment , Storm and Ember were honoured guests and friends of the dinosaur - men ( with the exception of the prDuring their journey to the City of the South , they passed the wreck of a space ship . Ember 's intuition warned them for danger , and they were indeed attacked when they came too close to the ship . Storm decided to try to negotiate , and told Wag - Nar to not let Ember follow him . Ember tried to escape from the dinosaur - men no less than three times , until she convinced one of them , Fatty , to search for Storm . Again Ember 's intuition was right , as Storm was captured by the Jackal Troops , who were about to kill him with the help of a moisture - hating insect , the Arryda . Ember and Fatty arrived just in time to save Storm and with the help of a tank , they completely wiped out the Jackal Troops , while their leader Dyan was bitten by the Arryda himself . After the battle , Fatty told ( or rather sang ) about the fight to his fellow dinosaur - men , when suddenly the ground collapsed . They discovered a secret passage to a teleportation centre . Storm concluded that the City of the South must be in the place where once Sydney was , and they decided to use the teleportation device as they won 't make it across the land . However , in Sydney the teleportation discs now lie on the bottom of a river . They all got above the water alive , although the priest was caught by the local police . Storm and Ember tried to gather information about Yggdrasil , but found out the people deeply hated the dinosaurs . They did find out that the people were searching for them , and had to flee . But they fell into a trap set up by the police with the help of the priest who betrayed his own people in exchange for his life . After a night in jail , they were taken to an arena which had a great dome in the middle . Storm discovered that the dome was made of the same material of the teleportation discs and had a mark similar to the emblem of Yggdrasil Wag - Nar was wearing . The emblem turned out to be a key to open the dome and Storm , Ember and the dinosaur - men fled inside . Inside the dome a robot told them about the history of the dinosaur - men . The people who first lived there lived a life in peace , until they were attacked by the barbarians . With their time machine , they brought the dinosaurs to this age which were then developed into the dinosaur - men , the best warriors of all time . Despite the succesful defence against the barbarians , the people decided to flee with the time machine to Antarctica . The original tyrannosaurus , Yggdrasil , was yet left behind inside the dome in a stasis - field . Wag - Nar was shocked to see the ' monster ' that is his ' ancestor ' , although Ember tried to convince him of the beauty inside the creature 's pure strength . At that moment the priest and the barbarians entered the dome . During the fight , Fatty threw the traitor against the control deck , and the stasis field around Yggdrasil was lifted . Yggdrasil immediately broke out of her cage and ate the priest . Then she also broke out of the dome and kept searching for food . Ember was another prey , but she wasn 't going down without her fight . She stabbed Yggdrasil with her sword , but the sword got stuck in Yggdrasil 's palate . . While Ember fought to keep Yggdrasil 's mouth open , Wag - Nar climbed to Yggdrasil 's head and killed her . With her death , Yggdrasil 's slowed aging process developed in high speed and her corpse fell apart into dust . As Wag - Nar fell down , he fell upon his own sword and died too . With his final breath , he asked Storm to find a safe place for his people . At that moment , Storm 's space ship appeared . He gave it to the dinosaur men and the robot accompanied them to find a safe place . Storm and Ember continued their journey : Across a bridge of light , they travelled to Antarctica , in search for the time machine . When Storm and Ember arrived in Antarctica , they found out that the landscape had changed and the bridge now disappeared into the rocks . They jumped off , and had still a long journey ahead . Luckily they found a shelter , where they also found warm clothes . After a long journey ( skiing , mountain climbing , snow storms ) , they found the city : A mushroom - shaped building towering many miles into the sky . Because of the heat this city emitted , the climate around it was relatively warm . As they arrived the city , they were attacked by an old forgotten defense mechanism , which Storm easily destroyed . After this fight , they were warped inside the city , where they were greeted by a guide . After he brought Storm and Ember to their room , he told them more about the city , but he also had bad news for Storm : Through a virtual reality helmet , Storm learned that through a highly dose of radiation from the sun accidentally broadcasted through TV sets , the civilization of his time had been largely wiped out . Storm still decided to go back to his own time . On their way to Terminal One for Storm 's time travel , the guide showed Storm and Ember more of the city . Storm and Ember were however appalled to see that , when the fire extinguishing robots malfunctioned , people inside a burning building were left in the lurch and decided to save them . After the rescue and arriving at Terminal One , Storm first liked to know more about the purpose of the city . He learned that the city was working to accelerate the stagnated evolution of Mankind . Storm was appalled when he heard that failed experiments were executed . The main computer , who took all decisions , states he wasn 't programmed to judge , only to look over the safety of the city . The computer however asks for Storm 's help , as energy walls had been appearing in the cities , causing thousands of people . Storm refused , but Ember convinced him to think about it . Storm gave in , but wanted to wait until the next day before telling the computer . A radical wardrobe change for Ember half - way through this story , the first step towards becoming the sexy woman who would eventually be voted ' hottest comic heroine ' . But when Ember , after a drastic change of clothing , entered Storm 's room the next morning , he was gone . She found him at Terminal One at the side of a woman who called herself Anor . She told Ember that Storm had decided to settle down and Anor was chosen to find a permanent settlement for him . Ember was furious because of Storm 's indecisiveness , and when he said he had no idea what she should do and just do whatever she liked , she decided to look behind the energy wall alone . Behind the wall Ember was soon attacked by monsters , but was rescued by a group of refugees . The men showed her how the town was destroyed . Every person who lived in an area sucked behind the energy walls were turned into slaves , all buildings were demolished , and all metals were melted and forged into weapons . This operation was led by a man named Gor , a man with psychic powers , who did not die during his execution , but used his powers to escape . Ember also learned that Gor 's most loyal followers also learned to control psychic powers and can be recognised by their red - white eyes . As Ember remembered that Anor also had such eyes , she understood that Storm was under her control . As she cannot go back to the other side of the energy wall through the inside of the city , she went back by climbing the outside wall of the city . But Gor 's followers patrolled even the outside of the city , as an armoured man on a winged horse soon attacked . With the help of the refugees , Ember soon won the fight and the knight used his powers to disappear . Ember flew back to Terminal One and fought Anor . Anor used a burning sword which broke Ember 's sword , yet Ember managed to kill Anor with the remains of her sword . When losing control over Storm , Anor revealed that her master Gor had made a copy of Storm 's mind . Storm 's fighting spirit would make Gor 's army invincible . Storm and Ember left in search for Gor . But Gor fought back with the powers of earth ( making a cave come alive ) , air , fire and water . Eventually they reached Gor 's hide - out and entered it despite a weak attent of Gor 's general Pulg to stop them . Ember soon find out that due to Gor 's powers it was not possible to kill him . But Storm had the solution : With a time travelling belt , he sent Gor billions of years into the future to the moment that the sun will reach its critical mass and will explode , destroying the Earth - and thus Gor - in the process . Back in Terminal One , Storm told the computer his reward for saving the city for Gor : To prevent that the city ever again had to face a similar disaster , Storm was going to destroy the computer . Now the humans would have to make decisions on their own instead . After this , Storm and Ember left the city for new adventures , now that Storm had finally accepted there is no way for him to return to his own time . Storm and Ember travelled towards the jungle of former South America again , when Ember 's hover scooter bumped against a giant snail . In a rescue attempt , Storm was knocked out . He regained consciousness , but without the hover scooters , the duo was now stuck in the jungle . Looking out from the trees , Storm noticed a building , and they fought a way through the jungle towards it . Suddenly , Ember was shot in the arm by an arrow . The initial reaction was a near untamable fury , until she fainted and fell into a coma . Storm noticed that the arrow was poisoned and Ember 's skin had changed colour . He went on through the jungle carrying the unconscious Ember . When he set up camp , he noticed the spot on Ember 's arm was growing bigger . The next day they reached the buiildings they had seen , but were ambushed by three men . Furious over Ember 's poisoning , Storm beat up the men and forced them to bring them to their leader , Yucan . Yucan decided to make a deal with Storm : If Storm could bring back Yucan 's son Huatl , who was captured by the enemy tribe , the Manatecs , then Yucan would give him the antidote necessary to heal Ember . After the arrival of the ' gods ' ( a group of rockets ) , and a duel in honour of them , Yucan introduced Storm to his younger son Kai who would tell Storm anything he needed to know to reach the city of the Manatecs . As Storm left to rescue Huatl , Ember was left behind in Kai 's care . But Kai had fallen in love with Ember at first sight . Immediately when Storm left he tried to convince his father to cure Ember straight away , as he knew it was virtually impossible for Storm to return in time , even if he succeeded in freeing Huatl . Kai admitted to his father he loved Ember and wanted to marry her . Yucan however was not pleased that his son wanted to marry a woman who was not from their tribe , and refused to cure Ember . On top of that , he himself chose a bride for Kai , a girl named Tuapa . Kai in turn did not like the bride his father had chosen at all . He tried to steal the amulet that held the formula for the antidote , but he was caught by Yucan and shackled until his wedding day . During the next visit of the gods , Kai called out himself when Yucan asked if someone was willing to duel against him . According to the law , Kai fought Yucan , but stood no chance . Kai was only saved when Tuapa begged Yucan to spare Kai 's life . This gave Kai the opportunity to kill his father and become the leader of his tribe . And now that he had Yucan 's amulet , he also could make the antidote to save Ember . Kai wasted no time in giving Ember the antidote . But when she woke up , she was not at all pleased with the idea of Kai being her future husband . Not accepting the rejection , Kai had Ember tied to the totem pole by her arms and legs , stating she would be hanging there in that way until she would give in and marry him . Still , after two days Kai thought it had lasted long enough and Ember would give in . He was wrong , as Ember simply threw the cup of wine into his face . A furious Kai now had Ember tied above a pit filled with glowing embers ( what 's in a name ) , and she would be sacrificed at the next visit of the gods . But as the executioner was about to cut the rope that held the poles to which Ember was tied upright , they were greeted by the return of Storm and Huatl . Kai stated that he had nothing to do with the promise his father made to Storm and ordered that the execution of Ember went on . Storm , who during the travel from the city of the Manatecs to Yucan 's city had re - activated one of the rockets , warned Kai that the gods would be angry and as one rocket was fired , the people cowered in fear . But it was not enough to stop Kai , as he cut the rope himself . Storm swiftly grabbed the poles , but as he had to hold Ember upright , he could not fight Kai . And thus it was Huatl who killed his brother in a fight that ended as quickly as it had started . Storm revealed to the people that Huatl was not only their leader but had also become the leader of the Manatecs . Now the two tribes could live in peace . After a time of celebration , Storm and Ember left for new adventures , and without knowing it yet , for a new world . Storm and Ember were preparing themselves for a journey through the desert , and as would happen more often in the future , they discussed whether the clothes they wanted to buy were actually practical . Suddenly a red beam of light appeared which fell down on Storm . Ember immediately tried to grab her friend and together they were dragged to the galaxy of Pandarve . When the beam disappeared , Storm and Ember were still hovering thousands of miles above the planet . Their first surprise in this strange galaxy was that there was air in outer space . This meant they wouldn 't choke to death , but it was still possible for them to burn to death because of the friction with the air . Soon enough they also found out that because there was air in space , there was also life in space : A big whale - like creature , a tariev , nearly swallowed them both . The only way to escape the beast 's mouth was for them to push each other away . At that moment , a hunter shot his harpoon at the tariev . While Storm managed to grab a fin of the beast , Ember was hit by the tariev 's tail , and she was left behind unconsciously . Ember was eventually found by the soldiers of Marduk , the Theocrat of Pandarve . Marduk had sent the beam of light , emitted from the Egg of Pandarve , to Earth to capture the Anomaly whose powers can make him the master of the Multiverse . He understands that because the beam has brought her to Pandarve , Ember must be very close to the Anomaly , especially as the Anomaly - detector also detects a mild Anomaly - function inside Ember . Therefore , Marduk used Ember in a plan to capture the Anomaly . After Ember had learned the language of Pandarve , she was dressed in Pandarvian style and beautified . Then Marduk announced that he would marry Ember in two months time . Marduk was absolutely sure that the Anomaly would come to save Ember . Indeed , when Storm , who at that moment had just let himself be sold as a slave in the Water Mines on Vertiga Bas so his friend Rann could free his daughter Leidse , found out that Ember was still alive , he freaked out and vowed to escape . Ember of course had no interest in marrying Marduk . Marduk pointed out he was not at all interested in Ember , but only cared about the Anomaly . Ember understood he was talking about Storm , and Marduk told her how unique Storm was . As Storm had travelled through time , he held a power that could disrupt time and space itself . A power that Marduk wanted to use to become master of the Multiverse . To catch Storm Marduk merely used Ember and a fake marriage as a bait . But Ember was not impressed , as Storm had braved greater dangers before . Ember was freed from Marduk 's grasp by the Rebellion , but soon found out they wanted to use her for the same reason as Marduk : as leverage to convince the Anomaly to join their side . Disguised as acrobats , and Ember wearing a black wig , they tried to become entertainers for the wedding . This plan was not entirely succesful , as they ended up in the kitchens . Therefore it was initially difficult for the Rebellion 's agent to find them , but at night she could tell them that Marduk had caught the Anomaly . Ember was overjoyed to hear that her lost friend was inside the palace and was looking forward to see him again . At that moment , the agent was discovered by one of the guards . Ember interfered to save the agent , which led to the guard 's death . Ember soon regretted the deed after the agent 's ungrateful reaction . The rebels quickly broke into the jail to free the Anomaly , but the only one who was there was Storm 's new friend Nomad . Despite the wig she was wearing , Nomad quickly understood that the woman who called out Storm 's real name instead of calling him ' Anomaly ' had to be the woman Storm always had been talking about : Ember . Nomad told that they had just come too late as Storm had just been taken to Marduk . After some struggles between Nomad and the Rebellion , Ember convinced them that if they want Storm to co - operate with the Rebellion , they should not turn down his friends . Together they made for Marduk 's lab through the air - shafts . As Storm and Ember were finally reunited , this was also the first time that the trio of Storm , Ember and Nomad were together in the same place . They arrived just in time , as Storm had just used up all his powers to destroy Marduk 's lab and the theocratic guard was about to seize him . The rebels fought the guards to give Storm , Ember , Nomad and the agent ( who was nicknamed " Bristlehead " by Nomad ) a chance to escape . But the hallway they took led them to the Golden Gate of The Labyrinth of Death . Bristlehead told them that although the gate could be opened with just one finger from this side , no one had ever returned from the Labyrinth . As she said that even Marduk didn 't dare to enter , they all went inside without thinking twice . Marduk indeed didn 't dare to enter the Labyrinth himself , yet he sent his guards and Visfil inside to bring back the Anomaly . They soon discovered that a monstrous creature resided inside the Labyrinth . The monster used mental powers to paralyze Storm and his friends , but was a little scared to eat them , due to Storm 's body emitting light ; the residue of the powers he had used to destroy Marduk 's lab . As suddenly Marduk 's guards appeared , the monster focused his attention on them instead , giving Storm and his companions a chance to escape . They soon found a room in the Labyrinth where the monster shed its old skins . Above they saw an opening through which daylight seeped into the Labyrinth . This gave Storm an idea . He let Ember and Visfil collect all the fungi they could find ( and of course Ember did not like to work together with that little creep ) , while Bristlehead made a balloon from the old skins , and Storm and Nomad created a bucket from old weapons tied together with the skins . They tied themselves to the balloon with the monster 's tentacles , and with his last powers , Storm lit the fungi that were put inside the bucket and they used the heat to let the balloon fly upwards . But they hadn 't even gone upwards as the monster appeared again . It looked as though they had hovered out of its grasp just in time , but the monster was able to stretch out one tentacle and it grabbed Bristlehead . The monster was also very strong as it not only pulled down Bristlehead , but the whole balloon . Bristlehead then cut herself loose to save the others , repaying the debt she owed to Ember when she had saved her from Marduk 's guard . Ember looked down in tears when Bristlehead fell back down to be eaten by the monster , as she did not even knew the name of the woman who had now saved her life . With the loss of Bristlehead 's weight , the balloon shot upwards and out of the Labyrinth . But once outside , the sudden change in temperature made the balloon fall down . To lose more weight , Ember cut loose Visfil . The heroes , who had now become a trio of friends as Nomad would stay permanently with them , flew across the edge of a mountain range towards the outstretched oceans and valleys of Pandarve , on to unknown dangers and adventures . Storm , Ember and Nomad made a raft of the remains of the balloon and travelled across the river to the port city Aromater . Here trouble started when a merchant wanted to buy Ember . A polite refusal was not enough , and Storm had to fight the merchant 's bodyguard . During the fight Storm 's sword broke , and the bodyguard sarcastically suggested that Storm could pull the sword of the Seventh out of its pedestal . To everyone 's surprise , Storm succeeded . Storm was then surounded by a cheering crowd who brought Storm to the Temple of the Eternal Prince . Ember and Nomad followed the crowd and saw how Storm was forced to drink a potion created from the Blood of Pandarve , which turned him into a monstrous creature . After that , Storm disappeared with the Eternal Prince . Ember and Nomad were however not planning on abandoning their friend , but they needed more information first . And who else than the merchant who had brought them into this trouble could tell them what was going on . The merchant told them all about the history of Aromater . This city , the ' queen of the ocean ' had been ruled by two twin brothers . They were called ' the Eternal Princes ' , as they seemed to be immortal . The brothers received knowledge about the elements and the lower powers through a brain coral , a part of Pandarve herself . Through this wisdom , Aromater 's power and glory kept rising . . . until the brothers started to fight . One of the brothers used the knowledge from the brain coral to create a potion from the blood of Pandarve , which turned him into a dark demon . Seven of his followers were turned into monstrous creatures who were able to steal the brain coral . From that moment on , Aromater was in decline and the remaining Eternal Prince had lost his immortality . To regain the Brain Coral , heroes were invited to become the Seven of Aromater . The fountain from which Storm had pulled the sword was deviced by the Prince to test the heroes . Each hero who succeeded was given the Blood of Pandarve ( which the dark prince and his followers had left behind in their hurry to escape ) and they too become monstrosities who would fight for Aromater . Storm had been chosen to become the Seventh . Ember and Nomad decided to infiltrate the tower of the Eternal Prince . But when they arrived at the tower , they found it was standing in a volcanic shaft . Nomad was able to throw a hook with a rope through one of the tower 's windows , and the two climbed inside . But still , the rope was set aflame by a lava spark and Nomad survived only because Ember was able to grab his wrist . Inside they spied on the Eternal Prince and his servant making the final preparations for the journey to the Red Tear The next day a ship moved out of Aromater with the Seven on board , and Ember and Nomad as stowaways . After more than a day at sea , the Red Tear appeared in the sky , a sattelite so close to Pandarve that it sucked the waters of the ocean towards itself . The Seven of Aromater took a little yacht towards the maelstrom that brought them to the Red Tear . Ember tried to stop them , but she and Nomad were soon overpowered by the superior numbers of the servants of the Eternal Prince . As Ember and Nomad were bound and shackled and nobody was paying attention to them , Nomad gave Ember the flask with the Blood of Pandarve , hidden under her hair and the chains of her bra . ( They had stolen it from the Eternal Prince 's lab when they were spying on him ) . Ember now also transformed , but as there was not enough left of the blood for a full transformation , it did not make her lose her mind . She still knew exactly what she was doing , but was now able to follow Storm and the other fighters to the Red Tear . She steered the ship towards the maelstrom and the ship crashed down upon the Red Tear . Only Ember , Nomad and the Eternal Prince survived this crash . On the Red Tear it became immediately clear that Ember 's transformed body had special gifts . First of all , she did not need air to breathe . Also , despite the heavy gravity , she was able to walk while Nomad and the Eternal Prince couldn 't move at all . At first , Ember was going to search for Storm , but soon they found out that little monstrous creatures were guarding the sattelite . After Ember chased the monsters away , it was clear that Nomad and the Prince couldn 't be left behind , so she carried them with her . They followed the trail of the Seven of Aromater for hours , during which Ember 's body absorbed all electricity from a thunderstorm . Then they had to cross a desert of glass . As they were reaching the equator of the Red Tear , gravity decreased , so eventually Nomad was able to stand without being pulled down . Eventually they reached the Brainmine , the location where the braincorals could be found . However , the mine was sealed by a thick yellow cloud . As Nomad and the Prince couldn 't breathe in the cloud , Ember had to continue alone . Once down , Ember was captured by a group of tentacles . Despite the fantastic strength of her transformed body , Ember was not able to free herself . But the solution came when Ember released the electric energy her body had absorbed in the thunderstorm . She was finally free , but this energy blast was noticed by the dark prince who was looking at the stalemate between his fighters and the Seven of Aromater for fun . As the owner of the Brain Coral , he had no chance of losing this fight , but now he decided to put an end to this fight . Ember arrived just in time before the Seven of Aromater could be killed . A rock made the brain coral fall out of the prince 's hands , and then Ember herself faced the prince . As the prince had chosen black as his colour , the white Ember could break his power , as light makes darkness disappear . And when Ember 's body started to emit light , the dark prince indeed disappeared into nothingness . As the dark prince had disappeared , an exhausted and ' empty ' Ember fell on the floor , which was covered with the Blood of Pandarve . Suddenly , Ember rose up , gasping for air . Her body had returned to normal . To her shock , she saw that the Seven of Aromater and the fighters of the prince were melting and flowing back into the Blood of Pandarve . She feared that Storm was melting too , but suddenly she heard his voice . In relief she embraced her friend . As Storm had no memory of anything that had happened after he had drunk the Blood of Pandarve , Ember told him everything . Storm concluded that they might have survived as he and Ember come from another planet , and even another time , so Pandarve possibly does not have any power over them as she does have over her own children . But now that their bodies had returned to normal , the atmosphere in the Brainmine was poisonous for them . They hurriedly climbed back through the yellow cloud to Nomad and the Eternal Prince . As the Prince heard about his brother 's death , he went hysterical and jumped down into the yellow cloud to retrieve the brain coral . This most likely led him to death . As Storm , Ember and Nomad went outside , they noticed that a large horde of the Guards of the Red Tear was approaching . It seemed that they were trapped between the guards and the equally deadly Brainmine , when Storm noticed a crack in the mountain wall . But as during the creating of the glass desert glass had seeped into the cracks in the mountains , they soon found themselves sliding down a very long slide . And the guards simply kept on chasing after them and slided down as well . When they finally reached the end of the slide , they ran towards a forest . The trees looked like giant dandelions , and Storm had the idea to climb upon one of the seeds which was then blown by the wind into space . In the distance , they saw a ship approaching . . . As Storm , Ember and Nomad called out to the ship , no response was given . Thanks to another fabulous throw from Nomad with a knife , a rope on the ship was cut , which the three friends then used to climb on board . They found out that the crew was dead for a long time already . Inside the cabin Ember found a ' sarcophage ' with the body of a young boy inside . However , it soon turned out that the young boy wasn 't dead . The ' sarcophage ' was a regeneration capsule and the boy soon woke up from his sleep . The boy , Renter Ka Rauw , was a student at the Academy of Death on Eriban and was very skilled in fighting techniques which Storm and his friends could not even imagine . Storm realised they had no choice than to surrender to Renter , despite Ember 's ongoing resistance . Renter did explain what had happened to the ship . He was raised on Eriban ever since he was a baby and now he was on his way to the Kingdom of Marrow for his last test . If he 'd succeed in killing the king , he would pass the exam and become a true Slayer of Eriban . But on his way to Marrow , the ship was attacked by a swarm of M ' anganesse , a flying insect that destroys everything in his path . to save their master , Renter 's servants put him inside his regeneration capsule while facing death themselves . However , Renter cannot open his regeneration from the inside , so it was very lucky for him to be found by Storm and his friends . They visit an arena , where at the moment a Barsaman game is held . They listen to one of the inhabitants explaining the rules : All fighters stand on pillars which slowly sink in the sand . The order and speed in which the pillar sink into the sand is completely random . The fighter who succeeds in reaching the one pillar still above the ground , wins the game . Barsaman is very much a religion on Marrow . Each year in the capital Romilly a Holy Barsaman game is held ( in which the floor is not made of sand , but of hot lava ) . As the king has no heir , the winner of this game will be his heir for that year . If the king does not die in that year , he will have to fight again later that year . With this , Renter had the information he needed and he and Ember returned to the ship . To Renter 's surprise , a huge crowd surrounded his ship . In his free time , Storm had created a chessboard and chesspieces , and had taught Nomad how to play . The people of Marrow were completely fascinated by this Barsaman - like game . One of them , a little boy named Tilio , even became so obsessed that he became a stowaway . Renter simply threw him overboard , much to the anger of Storm and his friends . When Tilio was then attacked by a group of Sheels , Storm immediately came to the rescue , surprisingly followed by Renter . As Storm ( with the throw of a knife ) and Ember ( with the shooting of an arrow ) simultaneously killed the Sheel Renter was fighting , he decided the spare Tilio 's life on the condition that he 'd leave immediately at the next port . At the times that Tilio didn 't get lessons in chess from Storm , he helped Ember in the kitchen and developed a crush on her . After arriving in Romilly , Renter and Ember immediately went into the city to find out more about the Holy Barsaman game . But when they returned at night , they found Nomad fighting with a group of people . Renter jumped in to rescue Nomad , but them Nomad surprised Renter and knocked him out from behind . The whole fight was fake , just to trick Renter . Ember then had the idea to lock Renter up inside his regeneration capsule , as he told he cannot open it from inside and falls into a deep sleep . Nomad then went looking for Storm , who hadn 't returned from warning the authorities about Renter 's plan to kill the king . But by morning Nomad hadn 't returned either . At that moment , a worried Ember was visited by Tilio , who was on his way to become a rich man by introducing chess to the people of Marrow . He even asked Ember if she would marry him , but Ember passed it off as a joke . She asked Tilion if she would help him by watching over the ship while she went looking for the missing Storm and Nomad . The search was not very succesful until she overheard one of the king 's guards talk about two ' murderers ' he had locked up , and that one of them was a big red man . Realising that he was talking about Storm and Nomad , Ember hurried back to the ship to find weapons , or jewels with which she could perhaps bribe the guards . But when she entered the cabin , she was struck from behind . Tilio had been so curious and looked inside the regeneration capsule , and with that he had freed Renter again , who after a very short fight strangled Ember . But instead of killing her , Renter forced Ember to drink a cup of drugged wine , and then made her participate in the Holy Barsaman game . Due to her drugged state , she was no match for the other fighters . Storm , who had just infiltrated the royal lodge with Nomad ( and found Renter , disguised as Tilio , beside the king ) , took two shields from the guards and with this protection he walked across the lava and caught the falling Ember just in time . But with the extra weight of Ember , the shields sunk deeper into the lava and were about to break . Nomad , who held the king hostage , had to let go of the king to help Storm and Ember , giving Renter all chance to fulfill his test . But before Renter could kill the king , his teacher appeared . He gave Renter the final instructions required for his task : The king of Marrow was Renter 's father . The true final task for everyone to become a Slayer of Eriban is to kill his father . Renter was so shocked by this revelation that he could not bring himself to kill the king . At that moment the guards came to warn the king about a revolt in the prisons . And while the overjoyed queen held her long lost son Renter in her arms ( much to his dismay ) , nobody paid attention to Storm , Ember and Nomad who escaped to the harbour , took Renter 's ship and sailed away . But inside the cabin sat Renter . After he assured that he had given Tilio enough money to stay in hiding until after the Barsaman games , he asked to be locked up inside his regeneration capsule and be thrown overboard . After a last farewell to Renter , they set course for a return to Pandarve . Back on Pandarve , Storm , Ember and Nomad sold Renter 's ship in a port town . Nomad noticed they were being watched by a strange dog . But not only the dog was watching them , as in the pub there was also an agent of the Rebellion who had recognised the Anomaly . As they left the pub for the market , Storm and his friends were followed by the dog and his guide . But suddenly they bumped into a couch . The owner of the couch ordered his bodyguard to kill the beggar , and both the beggar and the dog fell into the water . Storm then saved the dog , without knowing the dog was sent by his arch - enemy Marduk . Marduk , who in his lab could see through the dog 's eyes , ordered form him to return to his master now that he knew the Anomaly 's smell . One of Ember 's rejected outfits . After they watched the dog run away , Storm and his friends continued on to the market to buy new clothes and equipment , and of course again Storm and Ember ' argued ' about the practicality of the clothes . The Rebellion agent saw that they would most likely need a lot of time to make a decision , and he could use that time to warn his comrades . Indeed , when the trio left the market in search for a job , they were soon surrounded by the Rebellion . Despite the outcries from the comrade - leader that they meant no harm , they decided to flee straight through a house , disturbing the bathtime of the inhabitants . Storm and Nomad even made the annexe of a house collapse to stop the pursuit . Eventually they decided to hide in the sewers for their pursuers . But there 's something odd about the sewers . First Ember noticed there was not one single rat to be seen , and as they walked on further she noticed that the wallks looked like flesh . Nomad was horrified when he realised they had walked straight into the Gullet , a gigantic earthworm that the townspeople use to get rid of their garbage . He urged his friends to go back as quickly as possible , but it was already too late : The Gullet had swallowed them alive . Attempts to fight back were futile : They couldn 't cut through the worm , as if they were trying to cut through rubber with a blunt sword , and it only caused the worm to produce more digesting acids . It looked as if they were doomed , until a huge flood ( caused by the Rebellion ) dragged them through the worm and into the sea . After they fell into the sea , Storm and Nomad quickly swam above the water , but Ember was stunned by the shock when she hit the water , and was sucked into the deep by the force of the waterfall . Storm managed to bring her above the water , while a friendly fisherman , who had already helped Nomad , now also helped Storm and Ember on board of his ship . Storm and Nomad were relieved that the unconscious Ember was still breathing , but the fisherman warned them that she could still die . Ember had swallowed a lot of water , yet she appeared more drugged than drowned . The fisherman explained that the sea had an intoxicating effect because of the waste products of the Gullet . But he assured them that his shaman knew what to do to save Ember . And so the fisherman brought them to his home , the Seventh Rib of Pandarve . Here , the shaman would cure the unconscious Ember with Pandarve 's Breath , a vapour with healing powers coming out of the inside of the planet . The shaman and the fisherman fastened Ember to the totem pole , which was also a crane , after which the shaman lowered Ember 's legs into the pit from which the vapour came . As Ember would only wake up after a few days , all Storm and Nomad could do was wait on the island after being tattooed according to the local customs , as nakedness was considered a crime on the Ribs . Ember could get her tattoos later , because her life - threatening condition and the holy duty to save a person 's life gave her an exception to this rule . But while Ember was hanging unconsciously in the open being cured , this made her an easy prey for the members of the Rebellion to abduct . But just when the rebels were about to take her away , Ember woke up from her drugged state . Seeing herself lying in the arms of an unknown man , she immediately cried for Storm 's help , being too weak after being unconscious for a few days to fight against the abduction herself . Storm and Nomad immediately chased after the abductors , but as they already had Ember as a prisoner , all the Rebels had to do was to put a knife against Ember 's throat to force Storm to surrender , as that was the only reason why they wanted to abduct Ember anyway . They were taken to the Headquarters of the Rebellion , The Temple of the God of the Vultures . As the Hound of Marduk attacked while the comrade - leader was questioning Storm , the trio was taken to a different dungeon . But as their guards were distracted by the battle , they knocked them down and escaped . They first climbed over the roof and finally they could leave the temple . Shortly after they left , the temple exploded after one of the rebels had activated all booby - traps simultaneously . Assuming that no one could have survived , they searched a way out of the region . They found the airplane that had brought the Hound and Marduk 's soldiers to the Temple . But as Storm boarded the plane , he was caught by the pilot , who in turn was attacked by the Hound . By finding the Anomaly , the Hound had fulfilled the task his master had given him . But now the Hound showed his gratitude to Storm : He revealed that although he had been changed into a different creature by his master , he was the dog that Storm saved from drowning in the port town . To repay his debt , he gave Storm and his friends the plane and their freedom . Seeing from his lab what was happening , Marduk activated the collar around the neck of the Hound , which changed him back into a normal dog . Storm flew the plane to a yet unknown destination and Ember suggested that they would fly to the other side of Pandarve , where no one had yet heard from Marduk , and thus also hadn 't heard of the Anomaly before . As Storm , Ember and Nomad had been flying for hours , and were most likely running out of fuel , they decided to look what lay under the clouds they were flying over . To their shock , they dived towards an ocean of lava . Storm managed to keep the plane above the lava , but they had to get back above the clouds as the intense heat of the ocean was using up all oxygen . They all fainted , but Storm had yet succeeded in bringing the plane into an upward course . But as they woke up , they saw that some leprechaun - like people had boarded the plane , and the little people were demolisihng the plane . Attempts to stop them were unsuccesful . As he and his friends were facing death by falling into the lava ocean , Storm begged the leprechauns to give them a chance . The leader stated that he was only allowed to save their lives if they returned the favour to them . So it was decided that Storm and Ember were given two hover - wings and special seeds to enable them to breathe in the harsh climate of the lava ocean ( while Nomad stayed behind as a hostage ) and they would go searching for an Egg of Pandarve . But controlling the wings was very difficult . Ember 's wing touched the lava and was quickly completely ablaze . Storm flew underneath her so Ember could jump and grab Storm 's legs , but the combined weight of Storm and Ember was too heavy for Storm 's wing . They crash - landed upon a rock , with no possibility to escape . To their surprise , they saw a ship sailing on the lava ocean . As normal signals couldn 't attract the ship , Storm used his Anomaly powers to create a beacon of light to attract the ship . Luckily for them , they were spotted by a scout , and Storm and Ember were taken on board of the ship , the Salmander . Unfortunately , Storm and Ember had no money to pay for their journey on board of the Salmander . But while they were willing to work as payment , they soon found out they would be used as slaves instead . A conversation with a fellow slave , who told that the Salmander travels the lava ocean to hunt for Fireworms , was interrupted by a slaver 's whip . This angered Ember , who kicked the slaver , and this distraction made the wheel the slaves were turning stop . This disrupted the hunting manoeuvres of the Salmander , and the Fireworm crashed into the ship . Storm managed to grab the keys from the dead slaver and freed Ember and the other slaves . On the deck , Storm rescued a little girl who was about to be crushed by the Fireworm . Storm convinced the captain of the Salmander that he could rescue the ship . The captain decided to give Storm a chance , but he kept Ember , tied and hanging above the lava sea as a hostage . Storm however did succeed in killing the Fireworm as he let the monster swallow time - bombs . After returning on the Salmander , he immediately pulled Ember back on board . Their debts had now been ' paid ' , but all of a sudden Ember had trouble breathing and fainted . Storm too couldn 't breathe : The seeds from the leprechauns had lost their power . When Storm woke up , Ember was beside him . Thanks to a medicine of the doctors of the Salmander they had survived . They had been brought to shore with the other slaves and were declared free of debt . A grateful slave told Storm and Ember about the Egg of Pandarve they were searching for . Marduk had such an egg in his lab . Seeing as this might be the only way to free Nomad , Storm and Ember decided on stealing the Egg , after spending a few weeks working for a farmer to earn some money . After seeing Pandarve as Marilyn Monroe , Ember shows some jealousy for the first time . But during this time , one of the former slaves on the Salmander had betrayed Storm and Ember to Marduk , hoping to make some money . As such , when Storm and Ember infiltrated into Marduk 's palace , he was already waiting for them . The fight with the guards was suddenly interrupted by a little girl who Storm recognised as . . . Alice in Wonderland ! The little girl was however a reflection of the mind of the living planet Pandarve , which could appear in any shape you like . Ember was not very keen when Pandarve suddenly turned into Marilyn Monroe . Pandarve had a task for Storm . She wanted him to fight her subconsciousness . Inside Pandarve 's subconsciousness , Storm had to cut an Egg of Pandarve from the Tree of Unknowingness and throw it into the beam of light in the middle , so the Egg would be sent into space and over the centuries would grow to become a new living planet . With the Chesire Cat as their guide , Storm and Ember fought many nightmares and neuroses and eventually found the Tree . But Storm cut two Eggs from the Tree : One to fulfill the task Pandarve had given him and one to free Nomad . With the second Egg attached to Storm 's belt , he and Ember were sent into space with the Egg . The leprechauns soon arrived there too , Nomad was freed ( although he had difficulty saying goodbye to the female leprechauns ) , and they were given a ship with which they could reach the nearby planet . Storm , Ember and Nomad travelled to a planetoid that was completely covered with water . They stayed with a community of fishermen who lived in a gigantic tree . One day , when they had gone out for fishing , Ember saw something falling down from the sky . When the object fell into the ocean , it caused a tsunami and the boat is swept away . After the sea had calmed down , they travelled back to the place where the ' skystone ' had fallen . As the water wasn 't clear enough to see what was lying on the bottom , the fisherman decided to dive down . Ember was disgusted to see that the diving helmet was in fact a special type of jellyfish and did not want to go diving , so Storm went with the fisherman instead . They found an armour at the bottom of the sea . As it hadn 't cooled down enough yet , they came back the next day with a crane . To their surprise there was a man inside the armour who was completely unharmed . They took the armour to the nest of the fisherman 's tribe to tell the elder about the armour . But while the adults were talking , some children took a look at the armour , and wondered what the buttons on it would do . As they pushed the buttons , the stasis field of the armour was lifted and Vandaahl the Destroyer was awakened . Vandaahl was clearly an arrogant character who was offended that someone dared to ask him questions as it was he who should ask questions and demanded answers . Ember was irritated by this behaviour but when she scolded Vandaahl , he grabbed her and the armour gave her an electrical shock . Luckily for Ember , the armour was not yet back to full strength , as the shock only knocked her out and did not kill her . Eventually Vandaahl decided to burn down the tree , but let the fishermen live so they could be witnesses of his first deed of holy destruction . He then flew away . Storm knew it was their duty to warn the people of Pandarve about the threat of Vandaahl . The fishermen gave Storm and his friends a boat and with the help of a tornado they sailed into Pandarve 's air - pocket space . In space , they met a bigger ship , and the captain was willing to bring them to Pandarve in exchange for work . When they arrived on Pandarve , they saw that the city where they landed was already destroyed by Vandaahl . Only two people are still there , a little boy and his master . The older man tells them all about Vandaahl who had destroyed the city and then forced the survivors to become his army . Vandaahl then went to the North . As Vandaahl 's trail would be easy to follow , Storm and his friends chased after him . The little boy begged them to take him with them . When Ember asked for his name , he said that everyone calls him Rat . As Vandaahl 's army grew bigger , his progress was also slowed down . Storm decided to make a boat and sail along the coastline to arrive in front of Vandaahl and warn the cities . At sea , a huge spaceship approached them . On board was the Chief Justice of the Highest Quadrant , who was searching for Vandaahl as well . But although the Chief Justice looked powerful with all his equipment , he needed this to keep a connection with his own universe , as his presence was a violation of the laws of nature . Instead he made Storm the executioner of his verdict , and with the help of a communication crystal , he sent Storm and his friends to Vandaahl 's camp . At Vandaahl 's camp they were ' greeted ' by one soldier . Again Ember was annoyed by arrogant behaviour and a fight ensued . The fight was stopped by Vandaahl himself . As he saw Storm wearing a communication crystal just like the one on his armour , he saw this as an omen and made Storm one of his generals , despite thinking the coincidence was close to impossible , and having the feeling he had seen Ember before . That night , a man fell into the part of the tent where Ember was sleeping . It was the ' welcoming committee ' who was shamed by his companions , as he hadn 't won the fight with Storm , and after that Storm was appointed general , he had to erase that shame by killing Storm . But Storm had woken up just in time and kicked him so hard he fell on Ember 's bed . After Storm , Nomad and Ember had beaten him up , he was left to go . The next day Vandaahl and his army went to battle , and Ember decided to make the weirdest wardrobe change she would ever make : Apparently she thought it was a good idea to go to a battle topless ! They watched as Vandaahl 's powerful armour destroyed the city walls by absorbing and repelling the fire shot at him . The plan that Storm had made to let pickpocket Rat turn the button on Vandaahl 's belt to deactivate the armour was abandoned when they saw the power to electrocute people who touched the armour was now on full - strength . Storm eventually decided to fight Vandaahl himself and called upon the Chief Justice for help . Everyone looked at Storm and Vandaahl 's duel while Storm was controlled by the Chief Justice through the communication crystal . But the fight was lost when the Chief Justice started to lose control over the powers that allowed him to stay in this universe . They had to sacrifice Storm , who was immediately shot by Vandaahl . But as he saw Storm fall , a furious and panicking Rat jumped towards Vandaahl . He managed to shut down Vandaahl 's armour , but the electrical shock killed him . He died to save Storm . As Vandaahl had been defeated , the Chief Justice came to pick him up . But at that moment Ember heard the crying of a baby . As the armour was opened , they saw that Vandaahl was indeed a baby ! As it turned out , time on Pandarve moved in the opposite direction compared to Vandaahl 's universe , and also in a different speed . Now that the protection of the armour had dissolved , Vandaahl grew younger until he disappeared into nothingness . With Vandaahl 's threat gone , the citizens started to rebuild the city . Rat 's body was placed inside Vandaahl 's armour and the stasis - field reactivated as a tribute to the sacrifice he made to save everyone . After a few weeks already , Storm and his friends leave , before Marduk could find out what had happened and hear that Storm was in this city Arriving at the station , Ember took care of a little girl who had lost her mother . But then she found out that she had forgotten her bag and rushed back to the train , leaving the child in Nomad 's care . As a result , Storm and Nomad were mistaken for kidnappers and slave traders , and couldn 't follow Ember . Suddenly the train was started again ( as the escaped Boforce and her lackeys had also boarded the train , on the wrong side ) , and it crashed straight through the Border Wall , into the Twisted World . Ember was surprised by the train 's sudden movement and fell from the couch she was standing on to grab her backpack and hit the ground , losing consciousness . Storm and Nomad remembered that Ember was still on the train . As they didn 't get any help to rescue Ember , they decided to enter the Twisted World themselves . Ember 's attempt to trick Boforce was unsuccesful When Ember regained consciousness , she was spotted by Wilp , a man who had been used to help Boforce escape from her prison ( against his will ) . Wilp warned Ember to be quiet , but Boforce noticed this . When Ember heard Boforce 's name , she quickly climbed on top of the train and threw away her bra , hoping that when Boforce noticed something hovering in the distance , she would think Ember had jumped off the train . Boforce was however not tricked , and decided to check if Ember was hiding on the roof . Ember had to jump down an air shaft quickly before Boforce could have climbed upon the roof . Taking the risk of jumping into the dark , she dived into the train 's swimming pool , only narrowly escaping Boforce by hiding under the diving plank . While searching the train , Ember suddenly had to face a monstrous creature that started growling at her . Ember was at first terrified , but then a snake - like creature with the face of a woman told her she did not need to fear the monster named Dindel : He only wanted to be stroked . Indeed , Dindel turned out to be a very sweet beast , and Ember had made two friends . Dindel and the Snake Woman were the main act of Burlane 's Travelling Exhibition of Miracles and Wonders of Nature , who had travelled to Halfway for the festival , but when the train ran wild , they themselves could not pull the emergency break . As the costumes of their act were also still on board , Ember also could borrow some clothes ( which of course had to be practical again ) , and some weapons to defend herself against Boforce 's gang . Shortly afterwards , they are joined by Wilp , who also tried to escape from Boforce 's gang . Wilp was however not of much help : he didn 't know how to stop the train , nor did he know anything about the landscape they were driving through . All he knew was that once Halfway was a stop at the railway towards the legendary city Terminus , but something went wrong and then the Border Wall had to be built . But Boforce , who had a crush on Wilp , chased after him . Ember , Wilp and the Snake Woman had to flee , but were forced to leave Dindel behind , as his size prevented him to walk through the corridors . But Boforce set the circus wagon on fire to kill Dindel and give herself a passage . Ember and the Snake Woman crawled through the air shaft to the wagon with the pool 's water reservoir , and knocked out Boforce 's henchman Twello . Here they had enough water to quench the fire , and they used a firehose to spout Boforce and Varakker to the flames . But then Twello woke up again . As the Snake Woman fought with him , the wall of the water reservoir broke . The flood destroyed the circus wagon . While Ember was able to stay on board of the train with the Snake Woman 's help , poor Dindel fell off . As Boforce and her men were buried under the wreckage , Ember and the Snake Woman assumed they were dead . They quickly reunited with Wilp , and continued searching the train . They were all pleased to find a kitchen . But Boforce was not dead , and furiously she continued her chase . But when Ember and her friends reached the final wagon , she disconnected the wagon from the train , so Boforce could not reach them . Boforce was mad with rage and nearly killed one of her men . She climbed on the roof of the train to walk back to the locomotive and find a way to stop the train . As Boforce disappeared , Ember used a cable as a lasso to connect the wagon with the train again . Ember didn 't know that at in the meantime Storm had figured out the secret of the Twisted World , and he and Nomad were now on the roof of the train as well . While Nomad fought with Boforce and her lackeys , Storm went to the locomotive and found the brakes . He was able to slow down the train enough so it would not smash to pieces against the Border Wall , but had still enough speed to break through the wall and return to Halfway . Back in Halfway , Ember and Wilp said goodbye to the Snake Woman , who went back into the Twisted World to search for Dindel , and also because she felt she belonged in that world . Ember was then reunited with Storm and Nomad , while Wilp was reunited with his lover , and Boforce escaped through the sewers . Storm , Ember and Nomad then took a hot - air balloon , away from Halfway . . . Storm , Ember and Nomad found a job on a ship , but the captain had told them the ship would stay in the harbour of Scum for repairs . They will have to search for another job there . It turned out that Ember was a terrible cook , and the captain did not understand why Ember was useful for Storm . Storm on the other hand seemed to know exactly what was so good about Ember . At the pub in Scum , Storm informed about a possible job ( but only if the three of them could stay together ) . They were approached by the captain of the ship " The Flying Nut " , but shortly after Storm and his friends accepted the job , the ship burnt down . Almost immediately afterwards , while Ember was still comforting the captain of the Flying Nut , Storm was approached by Mother Crone and her sons . As they needed a job anyway , Storm accepted to work for Mother Crone , despite Ember not feeling comfortable about this . Ember 's feelings weren 't wrong , as soon after they had left Scum , Nomad discovered that the " merchandise " the ship , the " Shiftwind " was carrying , were in fact young children : slaves ! But as soon as he had discovered this , Nomad was locked into the hold himself . Storm started to fight with the sons of Mother Crone , but had to surrender when Ember was taken hostage , and tied to a harpoon . Storm was forced to steer the ship wherever Mother Crone told him to go , otherwise the harpoon with Ember would be launched into space . Mother Crone lead them to the Snake Cyclone , which took the ship to the part of Pandarve 's air - pocket universe that lies on the exact opposite side of the White Hole . Here , they were bought by a machine , which took them to Far Sied , a metal world in the shape of a wheel . In this world , humans are nothing more than pets at best , and slaves in the worst situation . But not all robots find this situation acceptable . A small group fight for equal rights for humans . One of them , Rak * El , tried to free Ember during the chaos when a protest action was quelled by the police . Although Rak * El lost a leg during this action , she and Ember manages to escape . While Rak * El repaired her leg , she told Ember all about Far Sied . On Far Sied it 's a simple fact that flesh is inferior to metal . Every revolt is doomed to fail , as humans will lose their lives while the brains robots are nearly indestructible . And while some robots fight for equal rights , the humankeepers had made all actions against them illegal . Nevertheless , Rak * El promised Ember she would help her find her friends . Rak * El and a disguised Ember soon visited an arena where humans fought against each other for the entertainment of the robots , as if they were pitbulls . Rak * El begged Ember to feel pity for her people too , as they did not know anything about the emotions humans feel . Soon Storm entered the arena . But Storm refused to fight , telling his opponents that they weren 't dogs . For this , Storm was punished with an electrical shock . Worried about her friend , Ember shouted out to Storm to fight before the robots killed him . But the robots noticed that this voice was humans , and while Rak * El was able to escape , Ember was soon captured . Now the robots forced Storm to fight , otherwise they would kill Ember . To make matters worse , Storm had to fight against Nomad on life and death . But thanks to Rak * El who returned with a huge machine , all three friends could escape soon . But their escape ( or " abduction " ) had big consequences . While hiding inside the old prison Nucleus , they heard the news that the program Mainframe , which controlled all robots , had decided that all humans had to be executed ( like dogs with rabies ) . To prevent this , Storm had his body digitalised , so it could enter Mainframe as a computer virus . Ember and Nomad watched while Rak * El ( who was not connected to Mainframe while hiding on Nucleus ) did the necessary programming to let Storm ( or rather , as it turned out later , his digital copy ) erase Mainframe . As they returned to Far Sied , Rak * El told them that she could bring the robots back to life by activating the back - ups in the Mainframe archives . With one little difference : she would erase the part of the programs that said that robots are superior to humans . From now on , there would be equality between robots and humans . When Storm , Ember and Nomad visited a fun fair , Nomad lost their money on a shell game . To win back some money , he decided to compete in a wrestling match . Nomad was clearly winning , but suddenly he heard a voice , quit the match and left . Storm and Ember followed him . Nomad did not respond to anything , kept on walking , did not eat and did not even sleep . All he did was walking at daytime and meditating at night . Storm and Ember had no choice than to follow Nomad . He did not let any obstacle stop him . A dog was thrown aside , while an attacking tigerbull was knocked out with a large rock . Nomad then moved on through a desert , in which Storm and Ember rescued him when a sandstorm buried him alive . But even after that he kept on walking . Eventually Nomad climbed a high mountain , which turned out to be a volcano . Here , Nomad finally talked to his friends again . Now he had fulfilled the first part of his journey , the Call that had possessed him gave him back his freedom . But here he had to wait for the Sleep that prepared him for the last part of his journey . He warned his friends not to resist , no matter what terrible things they would see . Soon , they all fainted , while a dragon approached . The three friends were swallowed by the dragon , but were ' reborn ' again after the dragons layed eggs . When everyone had ' hatched ' from their eggs , Nomad told them they were in the Land inside the Ring of Fire . Because of the Ring of Fire , no one could travel the sea , so using the ' travelling eggs ' from the dragon were the only way to reach this land . Nomad was called to this land , and soon a soldier appears . To Storm and Ember 's surprise Nomad was a prince of this land . But as the soldier brought them to Nomad 's hometown , they weren 't taken to the king straight away . As they were ' reborn ' from the dragon 's egg , they were naked ( nobody is born with clothes on , right ? ) and so the soldier said they would be taken to the tailors first . But instead , they were thrown into the dungeon . They had been captured by Nomad 's cousin Prowesse , who wanted to become queen of the land after Nomad 's father , the king , died . For this goal , she already had Nomad 's brothers killed in ' accidents ' . Nevertheless , Prowesse would keep Nomad alive for the moment for possible leverage . But shortly after Prowesse left , the floor of the dungeon started to move . It was Nomad 's niece Diamet , who wanted to help Nomad escape from the dungeon through the hole in the ground anEmber followed Diamet through the old sewer , but to her shock , the exit hang above an abyss . While Diamet easily climbed the tower walls , Ember became too nervous . Even worse was that she was discovered by Prowesse 's soldiers , who warned their mistress . Prowesse returned to the dungeon , but was also unable to follow Ember through the sewer . Instead she poured oil into the sewer , which was then set on fire . Ember now had no choice than to throw herself down the abyss if she didn 't want to be burned alive . Luckily for her , Diamet had managed to steal a Plunder , which now saved her life by grabbing her by the arms while she was falling down . Diamet took Ember to her friends , " The Army of Prince Nomad " . These children knew everything about finding secret passages and stealing . They took her to the hide - out where they kept the Holy Ornaments for Prince Nomad . Although they still had to flee for Prowesse 's soldiers , attracted by the screams of an old woman , who thought Ember was a walking corpse because of her white skin , they still reached the hide - out . As Ember , now clothed in the Holy Ornaments and openly showing the Sign of the Pearl , appeared before the soldiers , there was some discord over whether they should capture Ember for Prowesse , or obey the Pearl . In this chaos , Ember and Diamet escaped . They arrived just in time before the king could crown Prowesse . But Prowesse had another trick upon her sleeve : She challenged the prince to the Dance of Death on the Drum of the Gods . A challenge that can never be ignored . To Ember 's bemusement , the Dance of Death is literally a dance , but still a dance on life and death . After being taught the dance for just a few hours , the duel happened that same night . Despite Prowesse 's experience and Ember 's dislike for dancing , slowly but surely it became clear that Ember was still winning the fight . But Prowesse still had another treacherous trick : One of her soldiers had been hiding and now shot an arrow at Ember , wounding her shoulder . Ember reacted by throwing her sword at the soldier , killing him . But now she had only a dagger left and was only able to use one arm , making it virtually impossible to defeat Prowesse . But at the last moment Ember pushed her dagger into the Drum , which ripped when Prowesse landed on it . While Ember was able to grab a stalagmite , Prowesse fell down the volcano and was presumed dead . But Ember 's deed had unexpected consequences : As she was still " Prince Nomad " with the Sign of the Pearl on her forehead , Nomad was accused of sacrilege as the Drum of the Gods was destroyed . Nomad had no choice than to go into exile once more . The three friends watched as the King appointed Diamet as his heir , and then left the Land inside the Ring of Fire on the backs of a group of Plunders . As Storm , Ember and Nomad had set up camp , Ember , who is the best archer , went out hunting for food . To her surprise she saw a giant clothed white rabbit passing by . While she thought she must be dreaming , she decided to shoot it anyway . Returning at the camp , Storm immediately recognised the White Rabbit from Alice in Wonderland . The White Rabbit had come to take Storm and his friends to the Queen , and Storm understood this Queen had to be Pandarve , the Living Planet herself . After changing clothes in the candy house from the fairytale Hansel and Gretel , they suddenly found themselves in a Wild West city . At the saloon , Pandarve was waiting . She had taken the shape of Marlene Dietrich ( although she greeted Storm with a quote from Mae West ) . Pandarve had a warning for Storm . While the biggest part of her mind was working on solving mathematical problems ( like at this moment , solving Fermat 's Last Theorem , which she incorrectly described as a ³ + b ³ = c ³ ) , a small part of her consciousness looked at problems near her . One of those problems was an object which was on a collision course with the planet . In this collision , both Pandarve and the " Intruder " would be destroyed . So , someone had to go to the Intruder , find out its motives , and try to change its course . And as Storm was the only person on Pandarve who had ever travelled in space , he would be that problem . After Pandarve gave Storm a goodbye kiss ( much to Ember 's jealousy ) , she sent a part of her spirit in the shape of Alice as her replacement with Storm and her friends . After they took the exit into a ' nothing ' , they soon found a junkyard with old rocket remains . To Storm 's shock , he found himself soon face to face with his archenemy Marduk . Marduk of course immediately wanted to capture the Anomaly and his friends , but Alice soon intervened . She reminded Marduk that in the end he was her servant , and therefore had to co - operate with Storm . Storm was told to build a rocket from the remains and for this he also had the help from their old friend Rak * El , who also had been recruited by Pandarve . After all , the collision between Pandarve and the Intruder would also threaten Far Sied . Sir Makinx had come along as well . Soon they could test the fusion engine for the rocket . But Marduk , who was still treacherous despite being forced to co - operate , made Ember stumble and fall down in front of the engine , so she would be burned alive once the engine started . Only a quick action from Sir Makinx saved her life . Eventually the rocket was finished . Storm , Ember , Nomad , Rak * El , Alice , Marduk and Visfil went on board , after Storm told Marduk his guards weren 't welcome . But once in space , Marduk tried to open the cargo , no knowing that outside the crew compartinents it was a complete vacuum . While the door to the cargo automatically closed when air was drained , Marduk still lost consciousness due to lack of air . He was still alive , but Storm went inside the cargo wondering why Marduk wanted to go there . Inside the cargo , Storm found Marduk 's guards and assumed they had died in the vacuum . Before Storm could question Marduk about the guards , Ember spotted the Intruder on the computer screen . But when Rak * El tried to zoom in on the Intruder , all systems failed . To keep the rocket in motion , Storm had to ask Alice to use her energy as a substitute for the engine . Alice understood she had to do this to save Pandarve , however this meant that her physical appearance would disappear . After a few weeks , they reached the Intruder . It was not a natural object , yet it had to be the biggest artificial object in the whole Universe . They were able to land upon the Intruder , and found out that the gravity was only very slightly less than on Pandarve . Most likely the gravity was artificially created . Storm , Ember , Nomad and Rak * El went outside to investigate , but Marduk preferred to stay inside the rocket , being too old for these kinds of hardships . But once Storm and his friends had gone outside , Marduk raised the ladder of the rocket . On top of that , Marduk 's guards were still alive . . . or rather , Storm came to the conclusion they had to be robots , or androids . When he found them , they weren 't dead , but merely switching towards functioning inside a vacuum . It 's clear that Marduk wants to capture Storm when he 's unconscious due to lack of oxygen . The only way to prevent this , is to find a way to the inside of the Intruder . Rak * El found a sluice leading inside the Intruder . To everyone 's surprise they saw a grassy field , with an angel flying above . They also discovered a lion standing side by side with a sheep and a lamb . Storm understood they must have entered Heaven . Ember decided that if lions and sheep could breathe inside the Intruder , then so could she , and took off her space helmet . As Rak * El stated Ember wasn 't wrong , Storm and Nomad did the same . The angel , who introduced himself as Gabriel took them to Heaven 's Gate , where they could change their clothes . The cherubs who were there to help decided that ' ladies go first ' and took Ember with them . But at that moment Storm noticed there was something strange about the angels : They called themselves the " New People " , and New People didn 't need to eat , as only animals needed to eat . It also turned out that New People , again unlike animals , didn 't multiply themselves . So when the cherubs noticed certain parts of Ember 's naked body , all hell broke loose . Gabriel called upon God to judge the ' animals ' who had dared to enter the Holy Kingdom disguised as New People . The face of God appeared in the clouds , telling Gabriel to throw the ' animals ' into Gehenna 's Depths ( Hell ) . After passing the gate to Hell , Storm and his friends were questioned by King Minos . Storm decided not to wait for his judgement , but told his friends to go searching for a way out instead . They went deeper into Hell , which Storm recognised as the Hell as described in Dante 's La Divina Commedia and as illustrated by Gustave Doré . When they hear a man call to them to follow him , Storm concluded that this man had to be Virgil . But again there 's something odd : Unlike the Virgil in La Divina Commedia , this Virgil is not a sinner , but a man who travelled through many cocoons of the Intruder . Virgil became the guide and lead them through Hell . Storm noticed that Virgil often called upon Neumann , and this reminded him of the scientist John von Neumann . In the 1950s , Neumann had the idea of sending a robot ship into spaVirgil eventually led Storm and his friends to a door out of Hell . . . The next cocoon included an upside down city . Long ago , this was a wealthy city , but once new cocoons were attached , the city was turned upside down , and Storm and his friends were walking upon what once was the sky . All people had deserted the city , although sometimes people from other cocoons still visited this place , just like Virgil . Most airplanes had crashed against the sky , but one plane was still intact , and Storm recognised it as a Sopwith Camel , showing yet another connection between the Intruder and the Earth . But at that moment they were attacked by pterodactyl - like creatures . One of them , controlled by a mummy grabbed Ember and took her to the city above . Virgil shouted out that Ember couldn 't be saved and that Storm should save himself . But Storm ran to the Camel , which luckily still had some fuel and ammunition , and chased after Ember . The mummy had captured Ember to eat her . But with a kick in the mummy 's face , she made it clear that she wouldn 't go down without a fight . Storm soon found Ember and the mummy , but as there was no way for him to land , he simply crashed the Camel straight through the window . The fight of Storm and Ember with the mummy was soon ended when Storm used the guns of the Camel to kill the mummy . Storm and Ember then used the parachute of the Camel to go back down to the ' sky ' . They hurried to the next cocoon before the monster birds returned . Virgil warned them for this next cocoon and hoped they could hold their breath for about sixty seconds : The next cocoon had no air , as it was an underwater world . Here it was Storm who was captured to become food , but instead of a mummy , it was a giant hungry squid with which Storm had to fight . And when Ember warned Virgil , he again abandoned his companion to save himself . He and Nomad brought Ember to safety , despite her struggling against them to try and save Storm . To her relief , Rak * El saved Storm from the squid . The next cocoon initially seemed to be another underwater world , but in fact it was just that the sluice was lying on the bottom of a river . When they came above the water , Storm recognised the city as London . As they climbed out of the river , they were spotted by a pickpocket known as the Artful Dredger ( an alternate version of the Artful Dodger , from Charles Dickens ' " Oliver Twist " ) . Dredger made fun of the naked Ember , as he had no idea where he had to start to pick her pockets . The other people of Neu - London were however not amused , and Ember and her friends were almost arrested . Dredger saved them by stealing the policeman 's suspenders and took them to his master , Fuggin ( an alternate version of Fagin ) . But while fleeing from the police , they were separated from Rak * El . Fuggin liked Dredger 's idea to let Storm replace Bill Sikes , let Nomad become a street fighter , and Ember could be " NO lady . " Storm was not amused when the ' decent clothes ' Fuggin gave to Ember was some sexy outfit used in a brothel . Ember herself had no idea of the outfit 's connotations , and having worn many sexy outfits in the past after all , she did actually like her outfit which to her was not only looking good , but was also practical . She also decided to not wear a dress over it , as it would hamper her movements . But at that moment Fuggin received news that Neu - London was attacked by strange troops . Soon Marduk 's troops were knocking on Fuggin 's door . But the troops fell through Fuggin 's trapdoor . Fuggin ordered the Artful Dredger to take Storm and his friends to Sherlock Holmes . After Storm explained the situation to Holmes , he understood that to save everybody 's lives , Storm had to find out why and how the Intruder was created . For this , he had to reach the First Cocoon , and the quickest way to do this was to travel through the Fourth Dimension , and solve the Genesis - Equation : > 4 & X . This is the central dogma in the religion of nearly all cocoons of the Intruder : The Holy Neumann promised it held the secret of the creation of all cocoons . While Nomad and Virgil created a diversion for Marduk 's troops , Storm had to go through a ' trash dump ' , a gateway to the Fourth Dimension . As the trash dump was at that moment on fire , due to Gabriel 's flaming sword , Ember decided to not let Storm die alone and followed him . Despite the fire , they were able to reach the trash dump . The trash dump looked like a computer gone berserk . As they walked down , suddenly the staircase disappeared , and Storm and Ember were sucked into a fractal - whirlpool . Suddenly the Chesire Cat appeared again , telling them to close their eyes . They could open their eyes again when they could feel ground beneath their feet . But instead of fractals , they now saw a world like a 3D book . Eventually they found the way forward and were taken to the First Cocoon . Storm asked the computer of the First Cocoon for help to prevent the collision between the Intruder and Pandarve . The computer told Storm about the downfall of Earth 's civilization , exactly as he had heard it before when he and Ember visited the city on Antarctica . Of course , the Intruder had been created before in case such a disaster would strike Earth . The First Cocoon had been created after the idea from John von Neumann . However , Neumann 's prediction that all matter would have been used up after a few hundred years was incorrect , as travelling to the stars in itself would take hundreds , if not thousands , of years . After many millenia the program > 4 & X ( " Go forth and multiply " ) was infected : The cocoons still multiplied but instead of going their own way , they stuck together . Storm realised that he had not enough time to get to know all about the computer to fix all bugs and viruses himself , and therefore another virus should solve the problem : Through the Chesire Cat he asked Pandarve to send his digital copy inside the Danderzei Mainframe to the central computer of the Intruder . . . Ember stood beside Storm when he spoke to his digital copy and explained the situation to him . But Pandarve had not only send Storm 's copy to the central computer , but also created a smaller version of Alice from the remaining energy that had been used to keep the rocket in motion . This version of Alice would accompany Storm 's copy and keep a connection between the copy and Storm and Ember . However , when the copy hadn 't made any contact after a long time , Storm decided to check if the Internet is still working and use it to find Alice . Storm was first able to show Ember pictures of Lewis Carroll and his inspiration Alice Lidell , before they finally found Alice . Storm wanted to draw Pandarve 's attention , and the only way to do this was to tell her that Fermat 's Last Theorem had already been solved by Andrew Wiles . Pandarve was very angry to hear this , but is also grateful for Storm 's warning of the approaching Intruder . Alice went out to gather Storm 's friends , and also ordered Marduk to stop playing god - king , and come to the rescue as well . As such , Storm and Ember were soon reunited with their friends , as well as with Marduk and Visfil . But then came the big shock : Storm 's copy had turned into an evil version of Storm . After being abandoned inside the Mainframe of Far Sied , he had come to hate Storm and his friends . And now Storm himself had given him the perfect opportunity to take revenge . By " killing " / deleting the main program of the central computer of the Intruder ( which appeared as John von Neumann himself ) , it was not possible to change the Intruder 's course , and the collision was inevitable . But then Alice appeared again inside the computer , and with her she brought . . . Storm 's parents ! They too were downloaded into the First Cocoon 's computer after Storm himself disappeared into the Red Spot . They took the copy to their home , the Old Postoffice , but then some viruses appeared as well . To save his parents , the copy told Storm to re - program the Genesis Equation into the computer . This caused the Intruder to break apart into smaller cocoons . While many cocoons , including Neu - London , disappeared into the vastness of space , the First Cocoon fell upon Pandarve . But now that Pandarve 's full attention was fixed on the Intruder , the First Cocoon landed on Pandarve without damage . Pandarve appeared in the shape of Marilyn Monroe , singing " Happy birthday " for Storm . She claimed this was Storm 's new birthday , as she had decided to let him live , but ' punished ' him with a kiss . Of course this made Ember jealous once more , and she gave Storm a kiss as well . Storm told Pandarve about another unsolved mathematical problem , Goldbach 's conjecture , and also told Ember that Pandarve could not possibly know what a true kiss is , and also that according to Tony Curtis , kissing Marilyn Monroe was like kissing a toilet . Storm still wondered about his digital copy and that he is somewhere in space now reunited with his parents . But Ember and Nomad comforted their friend , telling he still had them . PersonalityEdit Wikia is a free - to - use site that makes money from advertising . 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However , my husband is not supportive of me trying to go gluten free . He isn 't supportive of any health issue that I have . The diarrhea , nausea , not being able to eat without being VERY close to a bathroom , the migraines . I believe all of these things ( and more ) could be caused by either a gluten sensitivity , or celiac . But I need his support to try and go gluten - free . We have 4 children ages 18 , down to 12 . One being a special needs child that has Down Syndrome . We are very busy , like most families , and I need him to help me so that I can start to hopefully feel better . I also think he feels that Gluten - Free food will be quite expensive , and it will be - - I think - - my son was on a Gluten - Free diet for about a year . The food was very pricey , and hard to find in our area ( very rural ) I have had a colonoscopy a few years ago , and doc diagnosed IBS . SO husband wants that to be the end of the discussion and I just live this way forever . Well , I 've tried for 3 years . I 'm tired , feel awful , and need to get something figured out . I have shown him things on - line to try and show him that my symptoms are very simliar to people that have celiac disease . He still thinks it 's all in my head . Even though I have to run to the bathroom after eating some ( most ) meals . I can 't eat if we are in the car or at one of my kids ballgames for fear that I won 't be able to get to a bathroom . Crazy way to live if you ask me . . . . . I welcome any suggestions that you have for me . He isn 't a terrible person . He has strong opinions . He tends to think if we don 't deal with it I will just get better as fast as I got " sick " He gets upset when I go to a Dr . mostly due to the $ . He tends to think I am fine since there is no fever or visible signs for him to see . I have no rash . It 's all intestinal - - for lack of a better word - - although I do get sores in my mouth , like a canker sore . Unrelated ? ? ? I 'm so sorry you 're going through this , and that you don 't have the support of your family . And I promise I won 't think negatively of your husband . I had a lot of trouble getting my mother to understand and it didn 't make me love her any less , it 's just hard . I hope he comes around for you . It 's tough because it sounds like a lot of his concerns are financial ? I 'm going to offer up a few ideas that might help , indirectly . Do you think it would help him understand if you were able to be diagnosed ? I get that if you went through testing and it was negative that might cause some problems with him . . . but perhaps if you got a doctor to back you up , it might help . Canker sores , by the way , are VERY common in celiac disease patients . I get them too . There are also many experts who have found correlations between Down Syndrome and celiac . You don 't say why your son was on a gluten - free diet ( is it the same child who has Down ? ) , but for some reason , rates of celiac have been found to be higher among people with Down . You might want to consider having your children tested as well as yourself . A colonoscopy would not have been able to tell your doctor anything about celiac . Celiac patients are commonly diagnosed with IBS before they get the real answer , because IBS is a kind of diagnosis where the doctors think " I don 't know what 's wrong with you , so we 'll call it IBS and call it a day . " If you wanted to me tested , you would need to find a willing doctor , who would first run a blood antibody test and then usually an endoscopy with intestinal biopsies afterwards . Some people stop after a blood test if it 's positive , but many do the biopsies then to evaluate the villi damage . I know this will probably not help you convince your husband , but if it makes you fell any better . . . gluten - free does not have to be as expensive as some people make it . It is expensive if you simply replace all the foods you normally eat with gluten - free packaged versions , and if some people have money to do that then it 's their choice , but many of us ( including myself ) don 't . I eat lots of fruits and vegetables , and I buy things like beans ( dry ) , nuts , rice , millet , etc . in bulk to save money . I try not to eat too many baked goods because it 's just not good for you , but I occasionally treat myself with a loaf of homemade bread or a batch of cookies or cupcakes . Since I make them myself , I get a lot more mileage out of the money I spend on special flours . And I make them last by baking sparingly . It 's something to get used to , but it 's healthier and cheaper that way . There are many , many foods that are naturally gluten - free . All in all . . . I really hope you are able to get things sorted out and get yourself healthy . Almost all of us on here know what it 's like to be sick for a long time and be longing for an answer . . . then you finally find an inkling and it can be very frustrating when you cannot get support from your family . We 're here for you , though , whatever that 's worth . I can 't help you with regard to the unsupportive husband , but I can help you with eating gluten free . Many people feel that they need to have gluten - free substitutes for all of their favorite foods - - you know , the foods that make them sick . It 's much easier to eat natural whole foods than to buy gluten - free processed foods , frozen foods , and special breads , cookies , etc . You can still eat eggs , dairy ( unless it 's an issue , too ) , meat , nuts , vegetables , beans , and fruits . The gluten - free pasta isn 't too expensive , in my opinion , and Tinkiyada is the best - - chances are good that your whole family won 't notice the difference . Bread can be expensive , but if everyone else is eating a sandwich , you can always eat something else . Be careful about eating soy - - many of us can 't tolerate it . Also , soy sauce has gluten in it , but you can always use wheat - free Tamari sauce . Your husband , even if not supportive , doesn 't have to play any role in your diet whatsoever . If you cook the food , you can decide that it will be natural whole foods . . . and if the family wants to use condiments that contain gluten , that 's fine . Your husband shouldn 't be impacted very much by your change in diet . . . and , hopefully , when he sees how much better you feel , he will begin to see the light . Also , if you want to start feeling well ASAP , try eliminating all grains , including rice , and begin adding them back into your diet one by one . Once you know that you can tolerate them , you 'll have more ingredients to work with . Good luck ! I 'm sorry you are not getting the support you need right now at home . If you haven 't gone gluten free then if you want you could request the blood work : IgA / IgG tissue transglutaminase ( tTG ) , IgA / IgG deamidated gliadin peptide ( DGP ) , and total IgA . You could also do a scope / biopsy . If you want testing , and after you exhaust all the testing you want , do a good three montht trial of the gluten free diet . Testing doesn 't always give us all the answers and can have about a 30 % false negative rate . Also I think there is a increased risk for celiac disease in people with down syndrome . Here are a few links for you to review . Feel free to ask questions . There are a lot of good people on here to help ! Oh no ! It is so frustrating when people just don 't get it ! Everything said so far is totally right , eating gluten - free doesn 't have to break the bank . Hopefully , it will make you feel so much better that your husband will have no choice but to agree . I agree than an actual do diagnosis from the doc would help immensely too , some people are just really black and white about the whole thing and need the diagnosis . Also , try to think that it 's really hard for him to see you so uncomfortable . I remember my husband being so frustrated because he wanted to fix it for me , and for a husband , it 's hard when they can 't . Be patient , it sounds like he loves you a lot so he will come around expecially if you start feeling WAY better ! Best of Luck - A Freaking Celiac I am a bit in the same situation than you and I wonder if there is anyone here who could share about how supportive their husband / wife are ? I am questionning myself right now on what I should expect from my spouse , like what would be a ' normal ' level of attention from him regarding this matter ? Any concrete examples of support ? Personnally , I would need some help with the cooking . I feel right now it is overwhelming to cook new recipies all the time and look for gluten free ingredients at the store , or supply with alternative ingredients . I am reallly doing my best to making it a project , but sometimes lack motivation . I would like him to take over sometimes and of course to feel like I am not inventing all of this to grab attention . Any role model here to share ? It is hard when we don 't have the support from the ones we love . However , we also have to do what is best for ourselves at the same time . I also have a teen at home and wondered how I was going to change things so that the family wasn 't inconvenienced but it never became an issue . They eat my gluten - free pasta and cannot tell the difference . If I make a gluten - free cake they like it . I know my husband does not totally understand and keeps forgetting that I cannot have gluten which I find kind of amazing since I have been gluten - free for 5 months . Focus on yourself . Focus on what your body needs to get well . I know you said you were trying this and by the symptoms listed I would definately try my best to follow a strict gluten - free diet ( read labels ) . It might not hurt to stop dairy for a couple months too . That might sound like alot but if you are having stomach issues dairy very easily could be tearing you up . When my gastro suggested I go off dairy I was already on a gluten - free diet and I was thinking that I would have nothing left to eat . It is a mazing how creative we become . As it turned out for me not only do I have celiac but I am dairy intolerant , high fructose intolerant and salicylate sensative . I was pretty darn sick before I went off glutens and dairy and hubby knew that . My brain was a continual " fry " zone , my stomach was a wreck , I had lost part of my taste , I was dizzy , my vision was messed up and I shared all this with him . I was always the energertic type , always had everything done and always organized and that all kind of went in the toilet . I was not the one to be making regualr doc visits and here I was going on a regualr basic . . . . . . so much so the receptionist asked me if I worked somewhere in the hospital , lol ! Big difference was when I started feeling better and he could see it . Not long afterward he had problems with gout , doc wanted to up his meds . Get this , he told her that he had seen what I was doing to change my diet and saw the improvements in my health and wanted to try and control his gout thru diet as well . He was set up witha nutritionist and he has taken it seriously . The only advice I would give you is to seek a counselor on how to deal with the " unsupportive " husband . If you think you " need " his support to go gluten free , you will never go gluten free . Like I don 't " need " my spouse 's " support " to use my inhaler during an asthma attack - my need to use a medical treatment to save my life is independent of his feelings about it . If he ever tried to belittle that need , he would be shown the door . Quickly . I mean , really , the absurdity of it - if he wanted the economy model wife with no special dietary needs because of an autoimmune problem , and able to subsist on really cheap food , he should have selected that one during the courting phase . . . . what was that phrase again , in sickness and in health ? This is the only autoimmune disease which can mostly be relieved of symptoms just by changing one 's diet . Most of the others are real roller coasters of ( oftentimes expensive $ $ $ ) treatments with bad side effects or very deteriorating conditions . This is the hand I was dealt . Other people have other problems . When both spouses are healthy , the household tends to run better . The one thing you really don 't want to happen is to be approaching old age and be in poor health , if you have the power to change it , it 's bad enough to be approaching old age and be in mediocre or even good health . I can 't imagine doing this with a spouse who would blow off my health needs , especially if it were approaching any sort of crisis situation . And I was bad - we thought I was going to not be able to do steps , and deliberately went to a one story ranch house a dozen years ago , before I did the diet change , because I was getting such bad neurological symptoms and having arthritic flares . I also live in a rural area , so it 's a bit of a drive to find the specialty ingredients I use for baking . But this is a good state and area compared to some others ( we make jokes about the area about 90 miles north of here , which is this wasteland of store / restaurant options - yeesh . Take a cooler or starve . ) I tend to st0 I am a bit in the same situation than you and I wonder if there is anyone here who could share about how supportive their husband / wife are ? I am questionning myself right now on what I should expect from my spouse , like what would be a ' normal ' level of attention from him regarding this matter ? Any concrete examples of support ? I guess I 'm very fortunate as my husband is beyond supportive . His attitude is ' we 'll do whatever it takes to get you feeling better . All I want is for you to be better . ' I 'm in the process of doing an elimination diet and we 're working through the kitchen ( he 's working on eating all of the gluten - containing foods in the pantry and as he finishes those , we 're switching it all over to gluten - free foods ) . We will eventually have a totally gluten - free house , though he may eat other things when he 's away from home . He 's one of my biggest advocates when we are out somewhere to make sure I stay as far away from gluten as possible . However , my husband is not supportive of me trying to go gluten free . He isn 't supportive of any health issue that I have . The diarrhea , nausea , not being able to eat without being VERY close to a bathroom , the migraines . I believe all of these things ( and more ) could be caused by either a gluten sensitivity , or celiac . But I need his support to try and go gluten - free . We have 4 children ages 18 , down to 12 . One being a special needs child that has Down Syndrome . We are very busy , like most families , and I need him to help me so that I can start to hopefully feel better . I also think he feels that Gluten - Free food will be quite expensive , and it will be - - I think - - my son was on a Gluten - Free diet for about a year . The food was very pricey , and hard to find in our area ( very rural ) I have had a colonoscopy a few years ago , and doc diagnosed IBS . SO husband wants that to be the end of the discussion and I just live this way forever . Well , I 've tried for 3 years . I 'm tired , feel awful , and need to get something figured out . I have shown him things on - line to try and show him that my symptoms are very simliar to people that have celiac disease . He still thinks it 's all in my head . Even though I have to run to the bathroom after eating some ( most ) meals . I can 't eat if we are in the car or at one of my kids ballgames for fear that I won 't be able to get to a bathroom . Crazy way to live if you ask me . . . . . I welcome any suggestions that you have for me . He isn 't a terrible person . He has strong opinions . He tends to think if we don 't deal with it I will just get better as fast as I got " sick " He gets upset when I go to a Dr . mostly due to the $ . He tends to think I am fine since there is no fever or visible signs for him to see . I have no rash . It 's all intestinal - - for lack of a better word - - although I do get sores in my mouth , like a canker sore . Unrelated ? ? ? Before you try to go gluten - free , get to the dr and get blood tests for celiac . Do not tell your husband about the tests if they are negative . But if they are positvie you will need to have your doctor talk to your husband and explain this is not in your head . If the test are negative you will need to convince you husband you are truely very sick . If this means you need to " forget " to flush the toilet a few times , so be it . Or if this means you need to be curled up in a fetal position unable to do the dishes or take care of the kids sometimes , so be it . He needs to SEE the signs that something is really wrong and that may mean you stop pushing through your suffering in order to seem " normal " . Before you try to go gluten - free , get to the dr and get blood tests for celiac . Do not tell your husband about the tests if they are negative . But if they are positvie you will need to have your doctor talk to your husband and explain this is not in your head . If the test are negative you will need to convince you husband you are truely very sick . If this means you need to " forget " to flush the toilet a few times , so be it . Or if this means you need to be curled up in a fetal position unable to do the dishes or take care of the kids sometimes , so be it . He needs to SEE the signs that something is really wrong and that may mean you stop pushing through your suffering in order to seem " normal " . Thanks everyone for your responses . I appreciate it so very much I know I have to do something about this mess , I hate feeling crappy . I know it 's up to me to get things going with my doctor . I have to get over my " fear " and just make the call and get an appointment . GlutenFreeManna - - I think you are on to something . I keep pluggin away even when I feel absolutely awful . It may take me actually retreating to bed ( more often ) or being forgetful with the toilet in order for him to actually see what is happening with me . I work incredibly hard to go to work , attend my kids sporting activities , basically keep the house going even on my bad days . Maybe I need to let some things go and he will get a better picture of how I feel . Or maybe he will get mad that things aren 't done around the house . I don 't know how he will react , but it 's a place to start . I have NEVER , EVER been one to " rock the boat " but my health has got to improve . Thanks everyone for your responses . I appreciate it so very much I know I have to do something about this mess , I hate feeling crappy . I know it 's up to me to get things going with my doctor . I have to get over my " fear " and just make the call and get an appointment . GlutenFreeManna - - I think you are on to something . I keep pluggin away even when I feel absolutely awful . It may take me actually retreating to bed ( more often ) or being forgetful with the toilet in order for him to actually see what is happening with me . I work incredibly hard to go to work , attend my kids sporting activities , basically keep the house going even on my bad days . Maybe I need to let some things go and he will get a better picture of how I feel . Or maybe he will get mad that things aren 't done around the house . I don 't know how he will react , but it 's a place to start . I have NEVER , EVER been one to " rock the boat " but my health has got to improve . I 'm in the " mom martyr " club too . We work through flu , cold , headache and are just generally tough . Maybe time to give that a rest when you are legitimately feeling bad . Good luck ! My other suggestion is to go to this gluten - free crockpot website . Free recipes . Great for families and could end up reducing your food budget even . http : / / crockpot365 . blogspot . com / The author 's daughter has celiac . It doesn 't use many specialty items and your whole family would have a good , gluten - free meal . Her instructions talk about what products are ok or need to be replaced with a gluten - free version . Regular ingredients that are naturally gluten - free are not too expensive . Potatoes , rice , veggies , meat , chicken , beans . Use the crockpot to make gluten - free meals while you 're at work . Before you try to go gluten - free , get to the dr and get blood tests for celiac . Do not tell your husband about the tests if they are negative . But if they are positvie you will need to have your doctor talk to your husband and explain this is not in your head . If the test are negative you will need to convince you husband you are truely very sick . If this means you need to " forget " to flush the toilet a few times , so be it . Or if this means you need to be curled up in a fetal position unable to do the dishes or take care of the kids sometimes , so be it . He needs to SEE the signs that something is really wrong and that may mean you stop pushing through your suffering in order to seem " normal " . That tatic is DISGUSTING , and will probably backfire . And can by very dangerous to try if you have animals in the house and or small children . All of the 3 dogs I have had and two out of three cats drank / played in the toilet water . Leaving poop in it could make them very very sick . And I for one get very annoyed and upset when people forget to flush the toilet , especially if the person was an adult who should know better . If he feels the same way I do , you are putting more strain on your relationship and he might be even less willing to accept there is a problem since doing so is very passive agressive . There are better ways to it is across that you are sick . Like , asking if he could buy more imodium , or kaopectate often . Or just actually talking to him about it and how his lack of support is making you feel . Then make an appt with the dr and talk to the dr about your symptoms . Whether or not he likes it doesn 't really matter . As you are an adult and don 't need his permission to go to the dr for a consultation . In your situation I would start making meals that are naturally gluten free but are also completely normal . Chili , tacos , shepherd 's pie , stir - fry ( with gluten free soy sauce , there are cheap brands ) , roasted chicken w / potatoes and veggies , ect . . . Don 't even tell your husband for a week or so . Then announce that you 've been on a gluten - free diet all week and he didn 't even notice nor did it significantly raise your food bills . He will be left with little to argue about ! I am a bit in the same situation than you and I wonder if there is anyone here who could share about how supportive their husband / wife are ? I am questionning myself right now on what I should expect from my spouse , like what would be a ' normal ' level of attention from him regarding this matter ? Any concrete examples of support ? Personnally , I would need some help with the cooking . I feel right now it is overwhelming to cook new recipies all the time and look for gluten free ingredients at the store , or supply with alternative ingredients . I am reallly doing my best to making it a project , but sometimes lack motivation . I would like him to take over sometimes and of course to feel like I am not inventing all of this to grab attention . Any role model here to share ? I don 't know how supportive the ' average ' spouse would be , but my husband has noticed such a huge change in me since I went gluten free that he 's almost more strict about it than I am . He usually eats gluten free with me ( even at restaurants ) and we bring very little gluten into the house . It 's just easier that way . He does most of the cooking ( which was the case before going gluten free ) so he makes a lot of Indian & Mexican recipes , which are generally gluten free . Or we have fish or meat with steamed vegetables quite a lot - or , in the winter , chile & stews are easy . It doesn 't have to be expensive . I think the main reason he 's so supportive is that , frankly , I 'm much much much more pleasant to be around when I 'm off gluten . In addition to the migraines & stomach issues , I have crazy emotional responses to gluten - and who wouldn 't rather have a normal wife than a crazy one ? lol . That tatic is DISGUSTING , and will probably backfire . And can by very dangerous to try if you have animals in the house and or small children . All of the 3 dogs I have had and two out of three cats drank / played in the toilet water . Leaving poop in it could make them very very sick . And I for one get very annoyed and upset when people forget to flush the toilet , especially if the person was an adult who should know better . If he feels the same way I do , you are putting more strain on your relationship and he might be even less willing to accept there is a problem since doing so is very passive agressive . There are better ways to it is across that you are sick . Like , asking if he could buy more imodium , or kaopectate often . Or just actually talking to him about it and how his lack of support is making you feel . Then make an appt with the dr and talk to the dr about your symptoms . Whether or not he likes it doesn 't really matter . As you are an adult and don 't need his permission to go to the dr for a consultation . I think the OP got my point just fine . My point was not to be disgusting or play passive agressive games but to be REAL and honest about what is happening . Obviously her just TELLING her husband how she is feeling is not working . He needs to SEE that she is really sick as well . Women especially like to play the martyr and push through their pain and sickness . We like to try to be superwomen and do it all even when sick , but when it comes to our health we need to not wait to make changes or see a dr . A husband who loves her will not expect her to stay sick and not go to the dr because he thinks " she just needs more kaopectate " to get through the day . If her being sick ( notice I didn 't say her " playing sick " , she really IS sick but she 's pretending she 's not and pushing through ) , anyway if her BEING sick ruins their relationship then their relationship is not very strong to begin with . As far as " needing his permission " - - no she doesn 't but she will need his support if she plans to go gluten free successfully . Also you know nothing about their money situation . Some women don 't work outside of the house and can 't just go spending money on dr 's appointments without her husband knowing about it . Spending money on dr 's when they haven 't agreed upon it could cause more strain on their relationship too . That tatic is DISGUSTING , and will probably backfire . And can by very dangerous to try if you have animals in the house and or small children . All of the 3 dogs I have had and two out of three cats drank / played in the toilet water . Leaving poop in it could make them very very sick . And I for one get very annoyed and upset when people forget to flush the toilet , especially if the person was an adult who should know better . If he feels the same way I do , you are putting more strain on your relationship and he might be even less willing to accept there is a problem since doing so is very passive agressive . There are better ways to it is across that you are sick . Like , asking if he could buy more imodium , or kaopectate often . Or just actually talking to him about it and how his lack of support is making you feel . Then make an appt with the dr and talk to the dr about your symptoms . Whether or not he likes it doesn 't really matter . As you are an adult and don 't need his permission to go to the dr for a consultation . I am very sorry - but if someones kids are playing in the toilet then I am afraid that is far more disgusting . You let your pets drink toilet water ? ? Wow . Thats all I have to say to that . 2 I started out telling my husband all of my symptoms , appointments , tests , on and on and on . Over the years , he has become less and less involved ( never was very involved ) and basically takes the route of ignoring the situation . Of course it 's not happening to him so it 's easy to ignore when I continue to try and keep doing my job away from home , as well as my job @ home and with the kids , house , ect . But . . . . I am just getting to the point that I can 't keep going like the Energizer Bunny . I am t . i . r . e . d and grouchy , and sick . I think we have a good marriage . But . . . . we have 4 kids , 3 very busy kids and one with special needs . The one with special needs can 't eat by mouth . He is a pricey one costs about $ 1 , 500 . 00 a month just to feed him . I am not complaining , it 's just a fact and something we have to plan for as a monthly expense just like we do our house payment . While I don 't make a habit of leaving my house / bathroom is a state of disarray it just might work with him . I apologize if this seem " gross " of " unhealthy " the way I see it desperate times call for desperate measures . If I ask him to get some type of medication he would think that medication would make me feel better and on we go with our evening plans . He has not health problems and doesn 't get it when others do , it 's not just me . My kids , his extended family , he thinks everyone should be able to take a tylenol and feel better , after all that 's what he does , works for him right ? ? Again , I appreciate all of your helpful suggestions . I did approach him about going back to my doc for testing , he was not " a fan " of my suggestion at least not now . I can 't just go behind his back and run up a dr bill for testing . How would I feel if he did that and then we had hundreds of dollars to pay off , well probably not very good . Maybe for now I will go gluten free with the natural foods that were mentioned fruits , veggies , meats and just see how I feel . I don 't know it doesn 't give me any diagnosis that might help him , but I don 't see that happening . Soooooooo , try plan B , or C Thanks so much for letting me bend your ears AGAIN ! ! I just get started and out it all comes , forgive my ramblings . It does help to get things " out " I think the OP got my point just fine . My point was not to be disgusting or play passive agressive games but to be REAL and honest about what is happening . Obviously her just TELLING her husband how she is feeling is not working . He needs to SEE that she is really sick as well . Women especially like to play the martyr and push through their pain and sickness . We like to try to be superwomen and do it all even when sick , but when it comes to our health we need to not wait to make changes or see a dr . A husband who loves her will not expect her to stay sick and not go to the dr because he thinks " she just needs more kaopectate " to get through the day . If her being sick ( notice I didn 't say her " playing sick " , she really IS sick but she 's pretending she 's not and pushing through ) , anyway if her BEING sick ruins their relationship then their relationship is not very strong to begin with . As far as " needing his permission " - - no she doesn 't but she will need his support if she plans to go gluten free successfully . Also you know nothing about their money situation . Some women don 't work outside of the house and can 't just go spending money on dr 's appointments without her husband knowing about it . Spending money on dr 's when they haven 't agreed upon it could cause more strain on their relationship too . I have never seen a copay from an insurance company costing more than 100 $ for a PCP visit . In fact most are much less , mine are 15 $ . Unless you don 't have health insurance which is another problem all together . And she never said that money was an issue preventing her from seeing a dr . Second , if your husband is controlling all of the finances soo tightly that she doesn 't have access to money for ONE copay and is forbidding her from going to the dr , then you are getting into the territory of abuse . Plus , she has never said that her husband is forbidding her from going to the dr just that he isn 't a fan . My husband isn 't a fan of the fact that I take ambien every night to sleep , however I continue to take it because it is needed . There is a difference between not being a fan and saying no . If her husband said no more drs or tests my advice would be different . However , since not being a fan really means that he isn 't supportive or encouraging her to see a dr , I see no problem with her going to the dr for a consultation . For tests with bigger out of pocket expenses like the endoscopy you would want to discuss it with them . Especially since in order to be accurately tested for celiac you have to be eating gluten for months prior to the test . So if she goes gluten - free now she has just lost any chance of getting a dx . Maybe I grew up in a strange household , but my parents NEVER had to get permission from each other to go to the dr when they were sick and that is the way that my husband and I have arranged it too . I am very sorry - but if someones kids are playing in the toilet then I am afraid that is far more disgusting . You let your pets drink toilet water ? ? Wow . Thats all I have to say to that . Young children do alot of things that are disgusting because they don 't know better . My family does not let the animals drink from the toilet . We actually have to keep the door shut tight to keep them out . But , sometimes they find a way it , usually when we have had guests or if the door didn 't get shut all the way . Plus , dogs in general are attracted to poo . Some dogs roll in it other dogs like to eat it . So a new smell might attract a dog who doesn 't drink from the toilet to try it . It was also to point out the possible dangers of purposefully leaving feces in the toilet just to prove a point . I have never seen a copay from an insurance company costing more than 100 $ for a PCP visit . In fact most are much less , mine are 15 $ . Unless you don 't have health insurance which is another problem all together . And she never said that money was an issue preventing her from seeing a dr . Second , if your husband is controlling all of the finances soo tightly that she doesn 't have access to money for ONE copay and is forbidding her from going to the dr , then you are getting into the territory of abuse . Plus , she has never said that her husband is forbidding her from going to the dr just that he isn 't a fan . My husband isn 't a fan of the fact that I take ambien every night to sleep , however I continue to take it because it is needed . There is a difference between not being a fan and saying no . If her husband said no more drs or tests my advice would be different . However , since not being a fan really means that he isn 't supportive or encouraging her to see a dr , I see no problem with her going to the dr for a consultation . For tests with bigger out of pocket expenses like the endoscopy you would want to discuss it with them . Especially since in order to be accurately tested for celiac you have to be eating gluten for months prior to the test . So if she goes gluten - free now she has just lost any chance of getting a dx . Maybe I grew up in a strange household , but my parents NEVER had to get permission from each other to go to the dr when they were sick and that is the way that my husband and I have arranged it too . Actually , she said in her very first post that money was the reason her husband didn 't like her going to the dr a lot . She also shared that she has a special needs child that costs them $ 1500 a month in medical bills . Even if her husband was super supportive of her getting tested she 's bound to feel guilty about it because that 's human nature when you are strained financially and physically and trying to be supermom . I 'm not going to argue about this anymore though . I just want the OP , heyteacher to know that it is OKAY to do what she needs to do to get her husband on the same page as her in regards to taking care of her medical needs . Again , it 's NOT about PERMISSION , it 's about SUPPORT or blessing or mutual understanding whatever you want to call it . She will need his help in order to make the change to gluten - free if that 's what turns out to be the issue . As other posters have mentioned , gluten free eating can be inexpensive , especially if you don 't try to replace the gluten containing items with gluten free options ( like bread ) . Potatoes are very inexpensive . Same with rice . Corn tortillas are too , and you can use them for tacos , enchiladas , tostadas and just on the side . Instead of cookies and cakes , serve ice cream , pudding , etc . At first I was stumped with the gluten free thing , but now it has become easier . THe only thing gluteny I buy now is bread , because my son can make himself a sandwich . And a few microwavable items that he can prepare himself as well . I found a few gluten free flours on sale / clearance so I can make the occasional pancake or birthday cake , but overall I have found that it is not any more expensive unless I try to buy prepared packaged foods to replace gluteny items . Now I do buy the occasional gluten free packaged item but it is a treat , and not a staple . The funny thing is that my son really hasn 't noticed But he does go have pizza with his friends so that helps ! As for the husband . I have had a LOT of intestinal issues - diarrhea , gas , having to run to the bathroom . . . when I went gluten free , my boyfriend and I discussed it because we eat a lot together . He became very supportive because he noticed that my bathroom issues were so much better . Now I have a small apartment , so it was kind of obvious when I had to run to the bathroom and the walls are thin ! We joked about it because now things are much quieter So perhaps your husband will notice the difference once you start cooking inexpensive gluten free foods . Start with steak , potatoes and a nice salad ! You can 't go wrong with that one 0 That tatic is DISGUSTING , and will probably backfire . And can by very dangerous to try if you have animals in the house and or small children . All of the 3 dogs I have had and two out of three cats drank / played in the toilet water . Leaving poop in it could make them very very sick . And I for one get very annoyed and upset when people forget to flush the toilet , especially if the person was an adult who should know better . If he feels the same way I do , you are putting more strain on your relationship and he might be even less willing to accept there is a problem since doing so is very passive agressive . There are better ways to it is across that you are sick . Like , asking if he could buy more imodium , or kaopectate often . Or just actually talking to him about it and how his lack of support is making you feel . Then make an appt with the dr and talk to the dr about your symptoms . Whether or not he likes it doesn 't really matter . As you are an adult and don 't need his permission to go to the dr for a consultation . This reminds me of when I 'd tell people that I used to get awful migraines and throw up for hours . They all thought I was exaggerating - I mean , how could you throw up almost constantly for hours ? It wasn 't until my husband ( fiance at the time ) told them , " No , you don 't understand . She curls up on the floor of the bathroom so that when she needs to throw up - which happens every 20 minutes for 12 hours straight - she doesn 't have to go too far . " Then they were like , " Really ? ? She gets THAT sick ? ? " Sure , it was gross for my husband to hold my hair and get splashed with my puke , but he did it and he understood how sick I was . And so , he did not think I was lying when I 'd tell him food would pass through me within an hour or two and would look exactly like it did when it was on my plate . If he had thought I was exaggerating , I would have taken him into the bathroom and shown him . We all need to get over this fear of poop and other bodily functions . Her husband doesn 't believe her - well , seeing is believing . I say go for it . 58 mins · Urgent product alert : Mama Mary 's Gluten - Free Pizza Crusts . Labeled gluten - free with the GFCO logo . Ingredients list includes wheat flour as the first ingredient . GFCO has been contacted and is on top of the situation . They are checking to see if this is a packaging error ( meaning the wrong back packaging - - ingredients list - - was attached to the gluten - free pizza crust ) . Additional information will be posted as soon as possible . In the meantime , if you have this product in your pantry , check the ingredients list . This is what the product looks like http : / / www . mamamarys . com / produc … / 7 - gluten - free - pizza - crusts / That reminds me of the time I was in rural California and someone asked me if I was German They 're speaking the beautiful South Western Ireland version of English . If you ever get the chance you should go there . It 's one of the most beautiful parts of the world and the people are lovely . Albeit they maintain a sadistic pleasure in spinning tall tales to confuse hapless English visitors to their pubs . . . Now it 's my turn There are some nutritional issues to watch out for in a vegan diet . Personally I don 't think it 's great idea when the person has a chronic digestive disease that is responsible for causing mal - absorption of nutrients . Vegan in a celiac seems kind of like pouring gas on a fire . The vegan diet makes getting some important nutrients harder , and celiac disease does the same thing . I don 't know of any studies on it , but my guess is a vegan celiac may take longer to recover their health . And since it can take 5 years or more to recover from celiac damage , it seems to me that is not a good thing .
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" Love is patient , love is kind . It does not envy , it does not boast , it is not proud . It is not rude , it is not self - seeking , it is not easily angered , it keeps no record of wrongs . Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth . It always protects , always trusts , always hopes , always perseveres . Love never fails . " - - The Bible : I Corinthians 13 : 4 - 8 There is no better explanation of what love is than this ! Think of the kind of world we would live in if everyone practiced this kind of selfless Christian love . . . . Love selflessly , and follow that perfect example of love . The highpoint of my day Friday was a visit to campus . It was late when I was finally able to stop by , but I had two things to take care of . . . . drop off a portrait I drew for a friend and borrowed to include in my Spring Senior Art Show , and , return some CD 's Hannah had lent me . I left the portrait at the apartment of the first friend , and arrived at the dorm room of the second , only to stay and enjoy the company of a few amusing and thoroughly interesting friends . . . . You know , just spending that time laughing with friends really reminds you how powerful the gift of laughter really can be . They say it can be a really effective medicine for the body and soul . I don 't doubt it . When I returned home later on , I was happy , smiling , and my heart was refreshed . Never underestimate the ' healing ' power of laughter shared among friends ! I was listed on the schedule for today as working another evening shift . The kicker however was that I was ' on - call . ' What this meant was that I was to call work an hour before my scheduled time to start and find out if I was needed to come in or not , due to the store being short - handed for some reason or other . As it turned out , they were doing well , and didn 't have any no - shows . . . . so I was given the day off and told that I did not need to come in . I suppose I won 't complain , but I could have used the hours , and the pay . So , since the day was another one around the apartment , I made the most of it . . . . by doing very little by way of stress - inducing activities . . . . Ahhhhh . . . . Yeah , nice and relaxing . . . . [ smile ] I 've discovered that one of my old favorite television shows ( from before it went to cable , during the days I did not have cable access ) , is on every day at noon . Ever heard of the series ( which I believe has ended now . . . ) called " Sliders " ? . . . . Well , since I usually get scheduled to work in the evenings , I 'm still around the apartment at noon . I get to watch the show again , every day , on the Sci - Fi Channel - - How cool is that ! . . . And , it just so happens , they 're starting from the begining ! Am I lucky or what ! ? Later in the day , I decided to , for the first time in what seemed like ages , pull out my collection of computer games and play one . I have not had the time to just sit down and play games . I guess today was my lucky day ! . . . . SimCity 3000 grabbed my interest and , unfortunately , hooked me . I can 't complain though , it is a rather engaging game . . . . and I 'll probably play it some more tomarrow as well , especially since I also have Friday off . . . . ( don 't worry , starting next week , I 'm working full - time again . ) . . . . Then , this evening , on a whim , I decided to watch the Star Trek : DS9 syndicated episode at midnight . Oddly , it was one I 've never seen before . Usually , since I am such a huge Star Trek fan , I 've watched nearly every Star Trek episode ( from every series , except the Original Series ) at least once , save a few of the seventh season DS9 ones that I missed for some reason or other . This repeat this evening must have been one of those 7th season ones I missed . . . . Good episode I thought . . . but then again , I am a Star Trek fan , and I 'm generally loyal to the franchise anyway . . . . [ sarcastic chuckle ] . Well , I guess it was just another whimsical day in my corner of Milwaukee . Tomarrow , Friday , I have a few erands to run , so , though I will be off work , I also won 't be around the apartment all day . I suppose that can only be a good thing . . . . I do need to get out more . I sit here now typing , in the hopes that I 'll be able to get all caught up on my posts . Who knows how much I 'll actually write . . . It 's Wednesday night right now . As it just so happens , this is my second day off of two much appreciated days away from the workplace . I just needed to unwind a bit I guess . I love my job , just not working so many consecutive hours and shifts without the possibility of creativity . I . . . must . . . find . . . . creativity . . . Monday was a long shift of eight hours behind the register , which meant that I got home around 1am Tuesday morning , went off to bed , and slept in until 11am . As luck would have it , it was Tuesday and today , Wednesday , that would be days off . Tuesday saw me head out for a few errands and some banking in the afternoon , and then enjoying the season two premiere of the television show , Smallville , of which I am a huge fan . . . . Today , Wednesday , saw me relaxing and enjoying the all - new episodes of Enterprise and The Twilight Zone in the evening . I thought both were enjoyable . . . . to say the least . . . I still sit here though and my mind wanders . . . . . And I think , . . . I need to get out more . I need to find more opportunities to socialize . I need something new in my life ; something different , but what ? . . . Unfortunately , however , I keep coming right back to those questions . . . . . I have a feeling I 'll be pondering this for most of the night , and into tomarrow . At least I 'm not brain dead yet , right ? . . . . [ chuckles ] . I 'll catch you all on the flip - side tomarrow , unless I break out of this circle of questioning in my brain and fall upon some kind of revelation . Take care . I 'll write again on Thursday / Friday . Saturday I had talked on the phone for a bit with Hannah ( who , for those of you new to this blog , is a treasured female friend of mine whose name I have decided to substitute with ' Hannah ' to protect her identity . . . . Go figure . [ smile ] . . . ) . . . . She invited me to join her for church , via foot ( in other words , we would be walking there ) . It was decided that we would attend the early service since I had to work later in the day , and she had also invited me to join her for brunch in the campus cafeteria . So , planning behind us , Sunday rolled around , and I awoke happily to a new day about 6 : 30am or so . I showered , got dressed and by 7 : 30 or so was waiting to meet up with her outside my apartment . A few minutes later , she arrived , smiling and carrying two coffee - flavored beverages . Greetings exchanged , we departed for the remainder of the journey towards the local WELS Lutheran church . As we walked , the conversation varied from topic to topic , as such does between two good friends who have not seen each other in a while . I found myself enjoying that contented feeling of being able to spend time with someone important to me - - a friend whose friendship means a lot . Then again , maybe it was just Hannah . . . . She seems to have an aura about her that both intruiges as well as provides for an easier opportunity for friendship . . . . . Perhaps I should put it in layman 's terms , . . . . I ' like ' her . . . . but even saying that is an understatement . There is much much more to this relationship , and it perhaps can be best explained simply , as a deeper spiritual friendship . . . moreso than most people take the time to develop . I like that . Perhaps that is what makes this friendship so special . : ) Well , anyway , we eventually arrived at the church , though unfortunately a little late . Hannah usually goes here every Sunday , though by herself . Today was a little unsual in that despite the fact that we were about ten minutes late , we only were there for twenty minutes of the service . Ironically , this Sunday was host to only a half hour service to accomodate some kind of church - member - related Q and A small group discussion format regarding the outreach of this congregation . As neither Hannah nor I were really church members there , our presence wouldn 't have been of much use . So , in essense , she and I ended up walking all that way only to be there for the last twenty minutes of the service . Oh , well , the sermon was good , and it did provide an opportunity to reflect a bit as we walked back towards campus . Since we had ended up missing some of the already shortened church service , Hannah and I decided to return to the campus and have a little devotion of our own . We ended up , rather randomly , picking the topic of Christian wisdom . For the next hour or so , we had a thoroughly invigorating , and thought - provoking discussion . By the time we concluded discussing the topic , I , personally , felt as if I had gotten more out of the whole discussion than I usually do from most chapel or church services ! Again , though , Hannah is a good one for thought - provoking devotions , so that does make sense I suppose . I just wish sometimes that I knew more fellow Christians like her who have such a zeal for the Lord in their lives . Just think how spiritually invigorating Christian fellowship could be ! After our devotion / discussion wrapped up , the topic returned to being a variety of intruiging choices . . . . She even lent me a few Christian Contemporary CD 's from her collection . I am finding that I rather like her tastes in music for the most part , and I am eager to give the CD 's a listen . . . . Brunch rolled around , and just my luck , one of the entre 's in the cafeteria was omlettes ! I love omlettes . . . with ' the works ' ( basically an omlette with all the omlette fixings ) ! . . . Many thanks to Hannah for ' treating ' me to such a delicious midday meal ! But alas , time flies , and as such , I had to head out to catch my bus to work . Even though it was Sunday , I still was scheduled for a full eight hour shift at the bookstore . I enjoy work , but I wasn 't as excited as usual to be working that day . Oh , well , I still get payed , weekly , which is nice . I suppose I needn 't complain . A paycheck is a paycheck . . . . Anyway , a little over eight hours later , I was waiting at the at the bus - stop for a 12 : 45am ( Monday morning ) bus home . . . . and it was COLD out ! Silly me , I neglected to bring my coat . . . . When I did get home , and made it to bed , I made good use of my warm comforter . I 've made a point of bringing my coat to work since then ! ... [ chuckles ] . . . . No , don 't worry , I have not died . . . . [ chuckle ] . . . . . I 've just found myself , these past few days since my last post last Wednesday , rather milked to the bone with odd hours at work , and struggling to find time to sleep and take care of everything else that I 've needed to do everyday . It 's been such a sudden turn of events for me that I think it 's just now that I am starting to find myself catching up to where I need to be . . . . That being said , and an appology that I have not been able to post since my Wednesday post last week , I think I shall quickly recap where I have been . Sadly , once again , my daily posting schedule here has been knocked out of whack . . . I 'm realigning it now . : ) Thursday saw me working a rather typical shorter 4pm - 9pm schedule at Barnes and Noble . It was a pretty typical day at the registers and working the floor ( sales floor that is ) . . . . Not much that comes to mind worth noting at the moment . The killer came into play on Friday though . They wanted me in from 9am - 5 : 30pm . Having gotten home the night before by about 10 : 30pm due to my dependance upon the bus , and then eating a belated dinner , I got to bed sometime between midnight and 1am . That left me with not even six hours of sleep before the morning shift . Thankfully , though , I did make it through the day with my smile and friendly attitude at the registers . . . . . But I was dead tired when I made it back home . Dinner , and bed followed . I did not work on Saturday , but rather slept , and then awoke to a day of errands and such . I was not able to find a whole lot of time to be online , and , when I did , was very unmotivated to write anything . Hannah called in the early evening and we talked for a short bit , though not for long since she remembered she had an activity to attend there on campus . Before the conversation ended , she invited me to join her on her walk to a nearby WELS church for Sunday service . Since , unfortunately , I was also scheduled for an eight - hour shift on Sunday , starting at 1 : 30 , she and I made plans to walk to the early service , and then she offered to treat me to brunch in the campus cafeteria before I had to run out and catch my bus to work at 12 : 30 . . . . Needless - to - say , I was VERY excited for the invitation and the opportunity to spend time with such a treasured friend . . . . . But more about my Sunday , later today - - Monday , after I return from work . Yes , unfortunately , I also work today as well . . . . good ' ole eight hour shift again . I probably shouldn 't complain though , I 'll be getting a nice paycheck come Friday . . . . [ grins ] . Well , anyway , I 'll be back from work probably about 1am early Tuesday morning . After a little something to eat , I 'll likely pop online again and write some more , starting with my exciting Sunday yesterday ! . . . . I just KNOW you wanna hear about it , so stay tuned ! ... [ chuckle ] . . . . Well , time to get myself ready and off work again . Take care all , and have a blessed Monday . Look for more from me right here on Tuesday sometime . God 's blessings . Wednesday again saw me experiencing a typical day . I think I should start getting a little worried about this . Thus far , typical days are a little more frequent than I would like , and so far , a ' typical day ' means not doing much of note . . . around my apartment ( day off from work ) - - not good . I didn 't actually stick around the apartment on this day off though . I figured I 'd better go back out to my old Office Max and make sure there were no outstanding paychecks sitting there waiting for me . There weren 't . Bummer , I was sort of hoping , deep down , that there were . I could have used it right about now . . . . See , my sister , Rachel , is also interested in being an actor . . . professionally , as I am . Right now , she 's a year behind me in her schooling , and while I am graduated and out in the world already , she 's still a college senior . At this point , in terms of finances , time , and such , I , personally , think I would be taking on a little bit more than I should handle to preceed further into my acting career . I need to get settled before I take any serious leaps . I do aim to as soon as I am able , but I also know that , for a number of reasons , this is not quite the right time yet . I hope to give it a few months and then dive in as deep as I can go , pursuing what I enjoy most and want to do with my life . . . But I diverge somewhat . . . What concerns me , along these lines , is that my sister has gone out and gotten what she calls a ' manager ' for her acting career ( which , need I say , she is not able to jump into either since she is still in school and has a few other things on her palatte yet too . ) . Her ' manager ' cost her $ 250 ! Yeah , that concerned me a bit . . . . See , I 've always been under the impression that an agent is perhaps the best route to go to get started in terms of seeking out casting / audition opportunities . You work with them , submit your resume ( s ) and , if they choose to represent you , they use their resources to help you find paid acting opportunities . You do not pay them up front to do this , and they only get paid if you find work . Then they get a 10 percent cut of what you make from that job . If you are asked to pay up - front to be represented , then you can expect your being scammed somehow . I talked with Rachel about this whole thing this evening . I guess I didn 't quite understand her and we ended up talking past each other . She seems completely fine with the whole thing . But , strangely , it sounded a bit fishy to me . Sure , I 'm naturely rather skeptical and cautious , but deep inside this just sounded , to me , like a really stupid idea for her to put herself into . Paying $ 250 to essentially be represented , and have someone do the same kind of work that a regular bonafide talent agent would do . Seems strange to me . Sure , maybe they say they offer to do more than a regular agent would do , but from the sound of it , where 's the hardcore proof ? . . . From what Rachel says , it 's all mostly word of mouth . . . . Hmmm . Hey , who knows , maybe this ' manager ' thing Rachel got herself into is legit . I don 't know . I don 't think it 's something I would have jumped into though , especially this early in my acting career . What adds to the uncertainty , and concern on my part is that this ' manager ' ( or company or whatever it is ) CAME TO HER with the invitation to join . Umm , yeah , and where did they get her name from ? Rachel isn 't even sure . . . . I don 't know , I guess I 'm just concerned for my sister . It just seems like way too big of a jump to take , and with so little experience and a whole heck of a lot of trust on her end . . . . But , who know 's , maybe I 'm just jealous of the ' success ' she says she is finding ? . . . . [ sigh ] . While I was mulling this over after we talked , my roomate , Noah , brought up certain issues of financial concern again that got me a little on edge and probably a bit worried . I still get the impression he thinks I 'm a bit incompetent or lazy . He and I are so different . He 's a skilled car mechanic ( with a ' mechanically - inclined ' personality ) and only has an Associates Degree . I , on the other hand , am the artsy one in the apartment , something he seems to shy away from . . . and , I have a four - year Bachelor 's Degree in Art , and lots of study in acting . Needless - to - say , we are a bit different in terms of what motivates us . It 's just a little hard to determine exactly how he regards me at times . . . . And I think he has concerns of his own , but I can never get him to bring them up , especially those that might involve us both . He 's usually a great apartment - mate , but I seriously wonder what goes on in that head of his sometimes . Ah , well . . . . I think that 's enough ranting for today . I know I have a lot on my mind lately . . . . I just wish this concern for my sister , and these comments from Noah didn 't have to come up today . I guess I just wasn 't prepared for them . But , alas , life does throw curves . You just gotta keep swinging away and trying to hit them . For now , I 'm going to bed so that I can look at tomarrow with freshly rested eyes , an open mind , and once again , my smile and ' make - the - best - of - things ' attitude . . . . Besides , it 's back to work for me , and I want to be able to get up and tell myself to enjoy the opportunity . Afterall , life is what YOU make it , right ? Well , I think I 'm off to bed now . . . . at slightly after 3am Wednesday morning . Not much new to report here today . It was a pretty laid - back day to be honest . Spaghetti for dinner was good . . . . I was able to finally launch and draft my second fantasy football league today . . . . Oh , yeah , and I happened to catch one of my favorite Star Trek : Deep Space Nine episodes this evening . . . Monday wasn 't too bad of a day . I was able to sleep in , just because , only due to the fact that I was scheduled to work starting at 4pm . It was to be a long eight hours at Barnes and Noble , but , nonetheless , I was determined to enjoy the opportunity . I caught my 3 : 07 city bus past my apartment and headed out for another full shift of book selling . You know , I must be more of a ' people person ' than I sometimes give myself credit for . I think that 's what I am enjoying most about working there at Barnes and Noble ( BaN ) . So far I 've been spending most of my hours on the clock at the cashwrap ( registers ) . I 've usually had the mindest that the cash registers in a store are a rather menial and thankless job . I think I 've hit the motherload here though . . . . there are a lot of intruiging people that shop in a bookstore . That , and the overall environment just seem to make the whole work thing there enjoyable . Who knows , I may grow tired of it eventually and decide that I need to move on to something else . For now though , I 'm enjoying it . Time flies by and I get to interact with people . Works for me . . . . Now , if only I can speed up finding more notable success as an actor , I think I 'll be set ! ... [ grins ] I found today at the BaN cashwrap to be a little bit more enjoyable that usual . I ended up working with a young woman by the name of Emily , who , like me , was a new hire . She 'd been on the job about as long as I have . It was nice to be able to have someone else like that to relate to . She 's actually a college freshman at Mount Mary College , and I am , well , a college graduate . . . . so , essentally , we had college experiences to chat about in our downtime . I enjoyed that . I did have to be careful though not to influence her with my tales of the negatives of college , but she seemed eager for her post high school education , so it 's doubtful that anything would have dampened her enthuasm . . . [ chuckles ] . . . . . I actually worked till close , which obviously meant a late night . I was let out for the night at about 11 : 40 ( store closes at 11pm ) , and after grabbing my two busses home ( including the second 12 : 20am bus , whose driver is starting to know me by name ) , I walked into my apartment at about 12 : 35 early Tuesday morning . I han 't had dinner yet , so I made up something , careful not to wake Noah with the clanking of pots and pans . A little television , a satisfied stomach , and about and hour and a half later , I was off to bed . I woke up this morning , Tuesday , rather well - rested . I don 't work today , so this is another day to catch up on my ongoing personal projects . Ahh . . . . this looks like it 'll be a nice day . Maybe I 'll go for a walk later this afternoon ? Hmm , we 'll see about that . . . . [ sidweays grin ] . . . It sure is a nice day out ! . . . . Sunday was an interesting day , and I certainly like interesting days ! . . . Unfortunately , though I did go to bed when I said I would on Saturday night , I did not sleep well . Actually , I didn 't really sleep much at all . So , knowing me , I decided maybe if I hopped back online I 'd be able to tire out my eyes and then finally be able to go to sleep . . . . It eventually worked , and by early morning ( a lot later than I would have liked ) I finally found sleep . Today , Sunday , I had plans to attend an initial table reading of that independant film I am in , " Bound to Come Around . " Since a lot of the film is actually shot on locations on my old campus , the reading was held there . It was scheduled to start at 1 : 30pm . Unfortunately , though I did not see it at first , going to bed late like I was sadly relegated to doing , doomed me . I set my alarm for about noon ( yeah , I know , I missed church . . . ) I figured that would give me ample time to wake up , grab a shower , and walk to campus - a 15 - 20 minute walk from where I live . Plans didn 't go quite like that though . My alarm went off , I turned it off . . . . . and went back to sleep . Bad Jon . Just by luck though ( and partially due to my internal clock ) , I woke at 1 : 12pm . Not good . I quickly got ready to head out , and set my feet to the pavement . I arrived on campus by about 1 : 50pm . . . . [ sighs ] I didn 't miss much though , thank goodness . I joined right in and all went well . I will have to be honest , this is the first time I heard the script read myself , and honestly , my first real taste of what I had been cast in . Before this , all I knew was a synopsis , and a one line description of my character . The truth is , I really , really ( did I say ' really ' yet ? . . ) , really like this script . I know it 's my opinion , but I do think this is going to be good movie . The writer / director 's vision really impresses me . But then again , I 'm just a big fan of good romantic comedies ( " The Cutting Edge " , " Say Anything " , " Notting Hill " . . . . etc come to mind . . . ) . I really like this one , and I 'm thrilled to be able to be a part of it ! I can 't wait until principle filming starts in December ! While I was on campus today for this reading , I saw Hannah . Hannah is the friend who , I suppose you could say , would be the ' female lead ' in the ' romantic comedy ' of my own simple life . We 're both good friends , but strangely our friendship sometimes feels deeper and more rooted , perhaps on a spiritual level , than your average friendship . That 's just me talking though . I try not to show it much . . . I don 't know why . I guess I 'm just really uncertain when it comes to a relationship with someone like her . Every time she and I are able to take the opportunity to chat , whether in person or on the phone , it 's almost like the opportunity rejuvinates me somehow . It 's almost like she has a zeal for the Lord and life that 's contagious , and I want to learn how to find that kind of zeal . . . . There 's just something about her that I can 't place my finger on - - something about her personality , her smile , her friendship . Like I say , in any given romantic - comedy film , I 'm the guy who is somehow drawn to this one certain woman , but for deeper reasons than just physical beauty , but , . . . . he doesn 't know how to show it , or if by doing so , he 'd be venturing where he does not belong . Hannah 's that woman . ( Hmm . . . . sounds kind of like the plot of this film I am in . . . Maybe that 's why I like it so much . I can almost literally put myself into the lead role of Tate . . . . [ raises eyebrow ] . . . ) Well anyway , getting back to my visit on campus . . . I was unable to stick around and chat with Hannah . I had things I had to get back and do in and around my apartment . I felt bad jetting like that though . It 's been a rather long time since I have seen her . I miss that . Ironically , though , as it turned out , I actually ended up taking a nap after returning home , and never really got to these things until now anyway . . . . I 'm such a slacker . . . LOL ! ! ! Oh , but , my walk back from campus to my apartment was interesting . As I was nearing home , on my block , along the major street by where I live , I heard something completely unexpected . . . . Somewhere in one of the backyards on my block , someone was playing the bagpipes ! . . . No , really , I 'm serious . It was a real live Milwaukeean in their backyard playing away on the bagpipes . They were pretty good too , but obviously no Scotsman Highlander as they often stopped and restarted . Obviously they were practicing . What interested me most is that the sound of a skilled babgpiper is not something you expect to hear coming from such a nice residential neighborhood , and in Milwaukee no less ! I live on the same block as a small two - engine fire department . . . yeah , a fire station . You know how they have a front and a back garage entrance for the firetrucks to enter ? . . . Well , a young fireman , maybe in his mid to late twenties was standing in the open back garage entrance , pumping away on the pipes ! The music was echoing through the garage , and out into the neighborhood . I just happened to hear it as I walked by the front of the firestation ( which was not open ) . That 's just not something you see , or hear , everyday ! . . . but it sure sounded great to my ears , so ain 't complainin ' ! ! ! [ smiles ] But alas , time has passed , and my day has now come to a close . I 'll probably , by choice , be up later tonight . I took that nap earlier today though , so I 'm good . Besides , I don 't start work until 4pm today ( Monday ) . I can be up by noon , after six to eight hours of sleep , and still have time before I need to catch my bus to work . Unfortuantely , I work the evening shift until close . That means , I 'll get back home from a long day of work at 1am early Tuesday morning . Good thing I don 't work on Tuesday ! : ) I suppose , though , it 's time for me to return to the odds and ends I have not gotten to yet . . . . I 'm such a night - owl aren 't I ? . . . lol . Have a wonderful Monday everyone , and I 'll write again probably early Tuesday morning after I am back from my long evening shift at work . Feel free to leave a comment , I 'd love to hear from you . . . . Until then , Yeah , I guess there 's really very little to say of Saturday . I was working on various little projects here and there to keep busy , . . . nothing all that serious . Ironically , I actually ended up staying up later than I had hoped on Friday night , and as such actually slept in Saturday morning - - a lot later than I had hoped . . . . At least I 'm well - rested . . . . . Even if I didn 't finish everything on my Saturday to - do list . You know , I get so caught up in certain projects that I take upon myself to do , at any given moment , that I get behind in some things . . . . I 'm already behind by a day on my Daily Musings . Bad Jon . It 's not that I 'm swamped with work , quite the opposite actually . It 's just that I 'm the kind of person that thrives best when I keep myself occupied . I actually get rather easily tired of sitting in front of the television just ' vegging ' . I honestly have to get caught up in an intruiging show or program to want to stick around . . . . . And I hate channel - surfing . Bored channel - surfers really annoy me , but then again , by nature , I think I just have a much longer attention span than most people . Thursday , I worked . Barnes and Noble . . . . Cash registers . I enjoyed it . Honestly , I did , and the time ( about six hours ) just flew right by . I liked that . My shift ended a little after 9 : 30pm , and I got back home closer to 11pm . Noah worked late too ( a rarity at the car dealership he sells parts at ) , and so we both actually got back home relatively about the same time . Ironically , we ended up talking for quite some time , just chatting about a number of things . I really don 't recall what we starting talking about , but somehow we ended up talking for almost an hour about alcoholic beverages . Yeah , I know , not really something I knew a lot about before our conversation drifted that way . Noah drinks socially , - - occassionally ( within reason of course ) . I don 't touch the stuff - - any of it . . . . I just don 't drink . Period . Ironically , I did enjoy hearing his tales of his experiences with various ' beverages ' , and about his one time being quite drunk ( and never drinking to that extent ever again . He made a big point about that fact . ) . He also explained a lot about the various available beverages you could find in any given bar . Rather interesting stuff . I 'm still not interested in drinking though . . . . [ chuckles ] We talked rather late ( for him anyway . ) . That was perhaps not a good thing though since he had to go to work early Friday morning . I have the weekend off , before picking up quite a few more hours next week . I guess Noah was tired Friday , but then again , it just wasn 't a good day for him at work anyway - - dull and plodding ( as he noted later in the early evening . ) . I , on the other hand , slept in , was well - rested , and didn 't do a whole lot worth much note . Basically , though , my Friday just saw me sleeping in , then working to promote my fantasy football league online , taking care of a few emails , walking to campus to pick up a book that was on hold for me in the campus library , visiting friends for a little , grabbing a pizza from the grocery store on the way back , cooking it up ( and adding more cheese - - I like cheesy pizzas . . . [ lol ] . . . ) , and watching , of all things , the movie " Duece Biggelow , Male Jiggelo " on TV . I 've never seen that film before , and since it was on the Fox affiliate anyway , why not , right ? Originally , I 'd been told that it wasn 't as raunchy as the title would suggest . That actually turned out to be a true statement . There were some sexual references , but overall , the story wasn 't that bad . Yeah , yeah , yeah , I 'll be honest , I did enjoyed the film . ( Oh , and by the way , I am picky when it comes to movies I stick around and watch . To say I enjoyed this one , is a compliment to the film , despite certain sexual references that could have been left out . ) . But alas , I guess that 's about it , for right now anyway . ... . . . I seem to lead such a relaxed life , don 't I ? . . . [ chuckles ] . . . . It only seems that way , based on what I write here though , trust me . . . . [ laugh ] Well , I don 't think I 'm going to pull as late a night as I did last night . I do have things I want to take care of tomarrow . . . . possible errands to run , and projects to keep me busy . I don 't want to sleep away my morning ' cause I stayed up late into the evening . . . . [ grins ] . . . . Take care all , and until Saturday . . . ( yes , I will write ON Saturday . . . [ shakes head in mock disappointment towards those who doubt him . . . ] ) , I was up late last night ( Tuesday ) , but by my own choosing . I didn 't work on Tuesday , so , I figured I might as well work on a few projects on my day off , especially since I didn 't work today , Wednesday , either . . . . Needless - to - say , the project I was working on for most of those late night hours was certain graphical design changes to this website ( you may have noticed a slightly different color scheme , and a ' newly designed ' main page . . . ) . Well , anyway , I don 't need , or want , to get into those site updates . Suffice it to say , I like the design of my site a whole lot better than before , but that 's really just the artist in me talking . When all was said and done , I probably went to bed about 4 or 5 am Wednesday morning . . . . I awoke , ' officially ' , to this day of remembrance perhaps about 12 : 30 pm or so . I was actually well - rested . Perhaps , though , like many fellow Americans , I had this odd feeling somewhere deep inside that something bad had happened today , on this anniversary of the horrendious attacks on America just one year ago . I got out of bed , showered ( still wondering if I was oblivious to something on the news ) , and flipped on the television . . . . . Thankfully , there was no new bad news to report as I had feared . Just countless reports , features , and interviews regarding the anniversary . I actually ended up spending the majority of my day ( when I was here in the apartment , and not on campus doing a little research as most of my afternoon afforded me ) just sitting by the television watching the Fox News ( Cable ) day - long reports on the events of today one year ago , and the year that had followed until now . Call me soft - hearted if you will , but my eyes were slightly moist at times . The events of 9 - 11 - 01 will go down in the history books and likely eventually fade to a remembrance , much like we think of Pearl Harbor , but the truth is , living in the now , and living through this , certainly gives us all ( or should give us all ) an idea of how important life is , no matter what race , color , or religion we are . We , as Americans , are blessed to live in a country whose ideals are founded upon freedoms overlooked in many other places of the world . We must remember those ideals and not be afraid to share them with others that they too may enjoy them someday . . . . And we must strive to learn , and put into practice the ideals of love and tolerance that these inhuman , power - hungry , and perversely Anti - freedom - loving terrorists have no capacity for . I know it probably sounds bad of me to say , but don 't get me wrong , I in no way agree with the terrorist mindest . . . . But , I was thinking today , maybe we get so caught up in revenge ( which , honestly , I think is warrented in some way or another ) , that we forget to see that perhaps the 9 - 11 attacks were a ' good thing . ' No , the loss of life , the inhuman waste of those lives to serve as unwitting weapons of mass destruction , and the innitial terrorist motivations were not that ' good thing ' . . . . but the ' result ' ( from a Biblical standpoint ) perhaps was . ( I 'm sure you 've heard this before , but I feel like elaborating here anyway . . . . ) . . . . Before the events of 9 - 11 , we , as Americans , were essentially living the ' high life ' . . . - impenatrable , unsinkable , overly proud , rampantly immoral , . . . . and forgetting about God . Like the Biblical Israelites of ' Ancient times ' it took God allowing some kind of destruction or defeat of His people to set them back on the right track . . . . the track which included Him foremost in their lives . Granted , times are different now , - - new technologies , new ideas , and thicker history books , - - but it still took the loss of three thousand lives , the destruction of two icons for freedom and commerce , and an attack at the heart of our military to get us to turn back to God . Ironic isn 't it ? Maybe there is truth to the old saying , " Times change , but people don 't . " I just pray that it 's a long time before it takes God allowing another tragedy to bring us back to Him . We 're a rather fickle people , us humans . Afterall , we are sinful . But the truth is , in a country founded on God and the freedom of religion , it 's just sad that prior to 9 - 11 , we had become so self - righteous and forgetful of that God that it took disaster to remind us . Don 't get me wrong , I love America , I truely do . I appreciate the freedoms we are granted . It 's just sad how strong those parallels seemed to exist between us and 9 - 11 , and the Israelites of old and their string of lacking trust in the Lord , disaster , and then return to Him , only to repeat the process again and again . I don 't believe wholly on luck . I do believe that God always has a hand in things , no matter what they may be . Yes , America is a great nation ( I won 't dispute that ) , but we just have to remember , we , like those ancient Israelites , are not immune to the effects of how we live our lives . A year has passed now since those deadly acts of terrorism on our country . We learned that we are not that great unsinkable Titanic of a country . We also learned to look away from our own selves and OUR accompishments and OUR OWN worth and greatness , and to see that there is a higher power we have neglected - - a God who loves us and wants us to rely more on HIM than our own deeds . I think THAT is a lesson we have to remember from all this , as we mourn the deceased , rebuild what was lost , and seek to root out those whose inhumanity and lack of love engineered all this . My heart goes out to the families of those victims , and true heroes of this sad memorialized event today . I wish everyone a blessed day today , and tomarrow , . . . . as we continue on with the course of these post - 9 - 11 weeks , months , and years . God Bless . Well , Monday was day one at Barnes and Noble . . . Officially . I was scheduled to start at 4pm , so I actually had the morning and early afternoon to once again hang around my apartment . . . . . But , eventually , I did head out to catch the bus to Mayfair . I arrived early since I was at the whim of the bus schedule , so I just walked the mall a bit and stopped in to read a few books in BAN ( Barnes and Noble ) . At 4 pm , I grabbed the store elevator down to the basemant level where the employee lounge , administrative offices , and loading / recieving dock are located . I was briefly acclimated to a few things , and was on my way upstairs to start training . Monday I was to work at the cashwrap ( cash registers ) for a scheduled eight hour shift until about Midnight or so . . . . I actually had fun . Yeah , I know all I was doing was taking payment for the items in the store , but for some reason , I actually enjoyed it a lot . I had a few employees refer to the cashwrap position as ' hell ' , tedious , and long . I didn 't really find any of those to be true . I was having a blast ! Seriously . I 'm sure it 'll get annoying after a while , but as long as I rotate around the store as I 've been told I 'll be doing , I don 't really see any major problems . That 's just me though , . . . you know , the guy who tries to make the best of any situation , and enjoys his station in life . Life is what you make it . If you consider what you do to be ' hell ' , tedious , and long and drawn out , well . . . then it will be . Enjoy what you 've got , even if it isn 't quite what you wanted . . . . It 's still a blessing . Blessings are worth being thankful for . I was impressed too with the calibur of people that I worked with on Monday at Barnes and Noble . They were friendly , and rather easy to get along with . I was impressed too with the collection of unique personalities present in the employees there . Whether it be the smiling , friendly , and perhaps somewhat bubbly head Cashier ( whom I personally found to be a rather intruiging personality ) , or the witty manager on duty that shift . . . . or even the friendly store manager that hired me . . . I think I 'm really going to enjoy working with those people ! Well , the store closed to the public for the day at 11pm . Since I was cashiering that day , I ended up being honored with the task of counting the cash from my drawer - - four cents short , very odd . I was eventually let off work for the day at about 11 : 45 pm , just in time to run all the way across the mall and catch my first of two city buses home . . . . I got back to my apartment at 12 : 37 am Tuesday morning ( I know becasue I checked my watch when I entered ) . . . . . Long day ! Noah had already gone off to bed by then , so I had to keep quiet . I was hungry so I grabbed a very late dinner ( hey , I hadn 't had dinner yet , since I was at work . . . [ smiles ] . . . ) . I think that hit the spot too ! . . . I did a little television channel surfing while I ate , and then went off to bed . . . Long day ! . . . I don 't work again until Thursday , starting at about the same time , which meant I was able to sleep in this morning . [ smile ] . . . . [ contented sigh ] . . . He selflessly devoted his life to service in schools , hospitals , homes , factories helping folks get jobs done without fanfare and foolishness . For decades , petty rules , silly laws , and frivolous lawsuits held no power over Common Sense . He was credited with cultivating such valued lessons as to know when to come in out of the rain , why the early bird gets the worm , and that life isn 't always fair . Common Sense lived by simple , sound financial policies ( don 't spend more than you earn ) , reliable parenting strategies ( the adults are in charge , not the kids ) , and it 's okay to come in second . A veteran of the Industrial Revolution , the Great Depression , and the Technological Revolution , Common Sense survived cultural and educational trends including body piercing , whole language , and " new math . " But his health declined when he became infected with the " If - it - only - helps - one - person - it 's - worth - it " virus . In recent decades his waning strength proved no match for the ravages of well intentioned but overbearing regulations . He watched in pain as good people became ruled by self - seeking lawyers . His health rapidly deteriorated when schools endlessly implemented zero - tolerance policies . Reports of a six - year - old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate , a teen suspended for taking a swig of mouthwash after lunch , and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student only worsened his condition . It declined even further when schools had to get parental consent to administer aspirin to a student but could not inform the parent when a female student was pregnant or wanted an abortion . Finally , Common Sense lost his will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband , churches became businesses , criminals received better treatment than victims , and federal judges stuck their noses in everything from the Boy Scouts to professional sports . Finally , when a woman , too stupid to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot , was awarded a huge settlement , Common Sense threw in the towel . As the end neared , CommonCommon Sense didn 't die of natural causes . It was strangled by Political Correctness . Well , it appears I have a few days to recap . I haven 't written since late Tuesday , September 3 , but I suppose I have good reason . Actually for most of that time , I was not home . . . I went to visit my friend Scott about an hour north of the city . . . . The only thing that really sticks out in my memory as worth noting from Wednesday is that my computer monitor finally decided to go evil . Yep , that 's right , evil ! . . . . Well , actually it 's just dying on me , but , evil sound so much more dramatic . . . . [ lol ] . . . . Truth is , I think something is wrong with it , maybe the bulb inside , I don 't know . If I have been using my computer for some time , and the monitor is warm from use , I 'll then turn it off and go do something else . Later , when I return , it does not turn back on . If the monitor is cold from being off for a good amount of time , it 'll turn on just fine , but after about half an hour , I 'll start smelling a faint overheating smell , and that 's when I figure it 's time to turn her off again . . . . . Oh , well , I guess it 's just a sign that the monitor is coming to the end of it 's prime operational life , and it either needs some new component , or it needs a funeral . : ) Thursday , Scott called , and we both decided to get together and do something while we still had the chance . He and I both start work tomarrow - - Monday ( at our respective places of employment . . . . me at Barnes and Noble ; Scott at some insurance company in the customer service department . . . ) . After a bit of a conversation , it was decided that he would drive down here to Milwaukee , pick me up , and we would return to his grandmother 's house ( where he lives right now ) and hang out for a few days . . . . ( an ' overnight ' if you will ) . Well , I was up at Scott 's place from Thursday mid - day until mid - morning on Saturday . We had rented two Blockbuster movies , " Rush Hour II " , and " Snake Eyes " for those few days , and I brought up two strategic war boardgames . We actually ended up playing " The Civil War " ( a strategic boardgame encompassing the entire American Civil War ) for a large amount of the time I was up there , but eventually decided to end early due to waning interest . At the time , however , the game was relatively still a draw , although , my Northern troops had already taken and heavily fortified his Southern capitol city of Richmond . [ grins ] . . . which was of course a nice added bonus to me . . . [ lol ] . . . Anyway , overall , he and I had a great time , enjoying each other 's company , chatting politics and current events , playing that Civil War game , watching those two films , purusing some of the better online comic strips , and repairing a minor ( non - mechanical ) interior part from his car . It was a very worthwhile way to spend a few days before the both of us start our relatively full - time jobs . Being that he and I are such great friends , it is a little depressing that we live so far apart ( hey , and hour drive can be a lot between two good friends ) , but it is nice that we still are presented with opportunities to get together from time to time . Once I got back to the city , though , I guess I neglected to post for Saturday , but , honestly , not a whole lot happened that 's really worth noting . Scott had lent me an extra computer monitor he had to temporarily fill in for my ' aged ' one , . . . at least until I can get out and pick up a replacement . I 'll be honest , it is nice not having to worry about my monitor blowing up in front of me . I plugged it into my trusty CPU , and thus far , it 's working well . . . ( and putting my dying monitor to shame . . . lol . . ) . Later on Saturday , my sister came over and she and Noah had decided to rent a movie . They invited me to join them . . . . It turns out that , for some odd reason , they chose " Not Another Teen Movie . " I ended up staying in the living room for the duration that it took me to finish my dinner ( a very appetizing pepperoni pizza ! . . . ) , and then , finding myself sickened by the crass , sexual ' jokes ' permeating the film , I left them to their movie and found something else to do . . . . That was definitely NOT my kind of movie , and you probably will never see me watching it again ! But , now , as I look at my computer clock , I see that it is 1pm on Sunday , and I 'm back online again , typing this actually . I 'm caught up now , though , so I think I 'm off to take care of a few other things . . . . I 'll post again later this evening . So , until then , take care , and have a blessed Sunday ! ... ( and stay away from crass movies driven by blatent sexual ' humor ' . . . . Directors who direct films like that should be taken out and SHOT ! . . . . [ chuckles ] ) Monday was Labor Day . . . Yeah . . . [ sarcastic ] . . . . No real plans for me . . . . just the same old , same old honestly . . . . I had a lot of little things I wanted to take care of , but as things turned out , I never really got to them all . . . . I did catch an interesting thing on the Travel Channel last night though . They were doing a documentary of sorts on the rapidly drying up Dead Sea . Very interesting stuff . I actually found the images of this rapidly expanding salt desert to be quite poignant , especially when they showed old ships and fishing vessels sitting in the hot sun , surrounded by nothing but desert sand and cracked earth . It 's rather a sad sight , when you think of it from an ecological standpoint , but from the theatrical mindest , such as I have loads of , man , that would make for an excellent backdrop for a film ! ! ! . . . . [ chuckles ] It actually rained last night , well , ok , perhaps ' stormed ' is a better word . . . . lots of wind , heavy rain , thunder and an occassional lightning bolt . I actually decided to go to bed early , partially becasue I didn 't want to actually be ON my computer if the power went out . Wise move , but alas , the power never did go out . . . . . and , though , I usually love falling asleep to the sounds of a storm outside , I could not , for the life of me fall alseep . ( of course , maybe I have the fact that I actually slept most of my Monday afternoon away to thank for that . I guess I just wasn 't as tired as I wanted to be . ) . . . . Since sleep was not favoring me , I grabbed a little reading time . . . . got bored of it , and whaddyaknow , I fell right to sleep ! Crazy how the human body works sometimes though . . . . Oh , and I set my alarm for 10 : 30am this morning , and again was surprised when , just like that , I was wide awake , three minutes BEFORE my alarm went off . I must have a very reliable internal clock ! ... [ chuckles ] Well , kind of a blah sort of day here I guess . Not much happening lately ( lately meaning the past two or three days or so ) . I pretty much spent a good deal of time hanging about my apartment , again doing any projects that came to mind to keep me occupied . . . . Some website stuff , . . . a little apartment cleaning , . . . . and so on . . . . I did take a walk in the evening though . . . Gorgeous night ! As I walked I mused upon how beautiful a world everything can be at night . Most of the time the regular Joe Schmoe doesn 't really take the time to get outside and see how beautiful a canvas the night can be when you combine various streetlights , a whole slew of colored lights designed to light up various things in the city , and the general ambiance present about you from the unique textures , the night reflections and so on . It may still be the city - - the industrial capital of any given region - - but at night it sure is beautiful nonetheless ! I sit here now , though , again at my ' trusty ' ( though maybe I shouldn 't write that too ' loudly ' ) computer typing away . I 'm up way too late again . My alarm clock says it 's 4am on Monday morning already . . . . yeah , yeah , yeah . . . I know , I 'm going to bed soon . . . . lol . . . . I 'm just up late becasue I 've been getting so caught up in projects I just keep going and going . . . and going . . . until I 'm at a point that I want to stop . Hey , unless I have someplace to be early in the morning the next day , why worry so about an early morning get - up call . . . : ) Oh , yeah , speaking of nowhere to go tomarrow . . . . Barnes and Noble called today and told me my work schedule . My first actual day of work , on - the - job , is Monday the 9th of September . . . . Bummer , another week of nothing really to do . Oh , well , maybe I 'll actually make an effort to put together all the acting stuff I need in order to start sending out my acting headshot and resume to area talent agencies . . . [ shrugs ] . . . . I have the week ' off ' ( and that means with NO foreseeable obligations ) , I think I 'm going to force myself to undertake some serious projects to keep busy . Maybe my ' week off ' will prove to be a blessing afterall . [ smile ] I don 't think Noah ( my apartment - mate ) is happy that I 'm hanging around the apartment and not at work all day like he is . I can understand that he is concerned that I seem like I 'm being a bum , to his point of view anyway . The truth is though , I think it might be more of a matter of a small bit of jealousy on his part . I have free - time , forced upon me , and , by my patient nature , I seem to be taking everything in stride and not going too crazy about it all . I think he just doesn 't like that . To him , I 'm sure I appear lazy , while he 's the hardworking one . . . . But there 's not much I can do about that . That 's just the way things are . Poor guy . . . . I see Noah 's perspective , but honestly , I have a job ( finally after way too much time spent looking , though on the bright side the work payed off , right ? [ smile ] . . . ) , I have money now thanks to my first of two Office Max paychecks , and due to an interesting turn of events , it 's HIM who is borrowing money from ME to pay an important utilities bill . HA ! . . . . So , where am I at fault ? : ) I usually feel guilty when others think I 'm not pulling my share , but , this time , I don 't think I need to let it get to me . I haven 't done anything wrong to feel guilty about , other than accepting the fact that I need only to remain patient . As much as I love the guy , he 's a great roomy , but this time , he can do the worrying , . . . I 'm going to find ways to enjoy my week off , as much as I can , becasue come next week , I 'll finally be working most of the time too ! . . . . [ grins happily ] . Maybe I know why I 'm feeling a little strange lately . . . . Maybe I really miss being in the college atmosphere . I feel so out of it . After spending four years of my life around such good friends all the time , living off campus with only one roomate , and out of the way of campus life , has me a little bummed out . I really miss those years . . . . Now , my life consists of getting up each day and either going to work , or hanging around finding things to keep me busy on a day off . No more are there the student - populated places around campus to go to . . . . No longer are there the friends to just call up and say , " Hey , wanna meet me in front of the library and go for a walk ? " . . . . No more is there even the dining hall atmosphere . ( yeah , some of you may laugh , but strangely I do miss that ) . . . No longer are there even classes to go to and new educational things to learn . . . . No longer are there college theatre rehearsals to eat up my evenings . . . . No longer is there the general hubub of a campus that is usually alive at all hours of the day and night in some way or another . . . . No longer are there the familiar sounds of music on too loud wafting through the thin residence walls . . . . . No longer do I need to carry around text books and look like an intelligent college student . . . . No longer can I just go and hang out in the computer labs working on art projects ( I don 't even have those software programs on my computer ! ) . . . . No longer am I in a place where news of nearly anything college - related passes around campus repidly . . . . No longer to I even have access to the technological lifeblood of campus for the past four years - - the intranet and the intranet email . . . . . . . Mostly , I just miss being around those friends I had for four years . Times change though . Two of my former roomates and best friends are already married and off building families . My best friend , and also former roomate of two years , lives an hour north of the city with his grandmother , and only on rare occassions does he ever get to come down here to visit ( and alas with no car , I cannot go up and visit him ) . I now have a job - - I 'm a college grad , I have to have a good job . . . . I literally live by myself ( meaning , my apartmentmate , Noah , has his own friends he hangs out with . . . . ) . I 'll be honest , other than when I go to work , or have to run an errand , I 've retreated once again to the comforts of my computer . You wanna know why ? . . . . Thats where I can keep in contact with all these friends . Friends I once hung out with on campus all the time are now spread out all over the place . . . . One is living at home in California . . . . Another , who is in graduate school in Chicago , just got back from some hospitality work in China . . . . Two of my friends , now married to each other , live in Minnesota , and another friend ( also recently married ) is moving there shortly as well . . . . . Aside from the few friends still on campus , there are a few in Milwaukee here . Another former roomate and friend , and his wife ( also a friend ) do live here in the city , but we aren 't able to get together much ; we have different lives . One of my very few old highschool friends ( the pastor 's son from my church back home in MN ) , took a call to be a teacher ( yeah , a teacher ! ! ! ) and the athletic director ( ! ! ! ) at a WELS Lutheran school here in the city . Unfortunately , I 'm not sure how to get hold of him . . . . Maybe I just need to go visit those few friends on campus sometime soon . . . . There is one there who seems to warm my heart whenever I get the opportunity to chat with her . . . . But the truth of all this is . . . . I miss the good old days . For me , lately , life is just going a lot slower than it did back then . I have a good job , I have a nice roof over my head , a paycheck to support me , and my computer to stay in tune with the outside world . Beyond that most everything else is something I miss and it 's very hard to re - find . Yeah , I know it 's a bit of a bummer , and I am a little depressed about it sometimes , but I guess honestly , aside from all that that I miss , life really isn 't that bad . Sure , I wish there are things I still had access to , but life moves on right ? . . . Oh , well , maybe I 'm just not comfortable living such a slow life . Maybe I need more activity , more people to see and places to go . . . . more excitement . I 'm happy with the simple things , I just wish they didn 't always have to be SO simple . : ) Well , I 've mused upon this long enough . Time to move on with my day . If you 're a friend of mine , and you happen to read this , please , drop me a line sometime . Maybe we can plan something . . . . or go for a walk even . : ) Take care everyone . Have a wonderful day , and , for those friends of you out there that I miss . . . . . You 're in my thoughts and prayers . My afternoon was spent surfing the web and doing who knows how many different little projects . By mid evening I was so into what I was working on that I didn 't remember I had not eaten dinner yet . ( I have my stomach to thank though , since it 's friendly little grumblings returned me to reality . . . ) . I actually did end up eating , but it was already around 11 : 30pm . . . . again , . . . Bad Jon . Oh , well , I guess really odd days like today do come around from time to time . . . . rare usually , but I guess sometimes you just have to go against the norm , right ? I 'm off to bed now though , by 1am Sunday morning - - normal bedtime hours usually . Who knows what tomarrow will bring . I really don 't have any plans . We 'll see . . . . I 'll think of something , and it 'll defintely be a whole heck of a lot more productive than Saturday tunred out the be . . . . [ chuckles ] .
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The fuel belt is not a terrible solution , but it does tend to move around , chafe , and generally get annoying on a long run . Hand held bottles seem to get in the way of an efficient stride . How about a bottle that does not need to be placed in a fuel belt or held continuously ? This is the promise of the Simple Hydration bottle that was provided to my Moms Run This Town chapter to review . Review by Mariah Jeffery : The bottle works by tucking the lip into your waistband . I couldn 't believe it would stay but for the most part , it did . I tried it on a " brick " workout day of a 12 - mile bike ride and a 5K run . My bike does have a water - bottle holder , but occasionally on long rides I run out of water in the single bottle , and I wanted to try this out as a possible solution for carrying a second bottle . I made sure to wear drawstring shorts , per the instructions , and tied them tightly . I thought to myself as I got going " There 's no way this is going to stay on . " It actually made it through the entire bike ride except for two occasions . Once was going over a train track . When I hit the very large bump , it did fly out and I had to stop and retrieve it . The other time was after I removed it , and I had difficulty returning it to the proper position with one hand , so it came out because I didn 't have it in there will . After I stopped and retrieved it and got it in the right spot , it stay put for the rest of the ride , the transition , and the entire 5K run . It was certainly easier than a fuel belt although not 100 % foolproof . I 'm not sure that I 'd use this for a race because I 'd be worried about losing it , but for a long run when it 's no big deal to turn around and retrieve the bottle once in a rare while , I definitely would use it again . For me , a newbie runner , sport water bottles were not an issue . I drank before I left the house and when I got home from runs . Most of these runs were shorter than an hour . But now I have my sights on a half marathon and realize longer runs mean drinking water on the go . I decided to give the Simple Hydration water bottle a shot during a 15k run , knowing I would need water to wash down my mid run gel pack . The first thing I noticed was how nicely it fit in my small hands . I placed it in my spandex running tights at the small of my back . After an initial learning curve when the bottle seemed to slip and slide , I found a way to tilt it a bit and keep my pants up ! The next 3 miles went well , save some odd bumping and jostling as I ran downhill . 45 minutes into my run , and I needed some water to drink with my gel pack . I was able to open it with my teeth without too much resistance . I placed it back in my pants and it slipped out and fell on the ground , forcing me to stop to pick it up and wipe it off . The bottle stayed in place for the remainder of the run and I was happy to have some water to sip as I walked home . In conclusion , I will use the Simple Hydration water bottle again , but not for races or fast - paced runs . It will be handy for easy jogs on hot days and for walks and hikes with the family . Simple Hydration has a 50 % off discount going on right now ! Head on over to their Facebook page and check it out . Discount good until June 8th . I have tried several fueling methods and I 'm still trying to figure out what works for me . Gu seems to be hard on my sensitive stomach . I decided to give VFuel a try on my 13 . 1 mile " tune - up " race in preparation for my last half marathon . I tried Maple Bacon flavor , just because it sounded intriguing . It was actually not bad ! The taste was a bit on the " savory " side but not overwhelming , and also a bit sweet at the same time . I noticed caffeine on the ingredient list , which is good because caffeine does seem to help my performance in endurance events . VFuel did not cause any of the GI distress issues I have had in the past with other gels . It seems to be easy to tolerate . I did make sure to drink it with plenty of water , though , which seems to be key for me . I tried the Peach Cobbler flavor last week during my speed session ( 8 . 75 miles including a magic mile and 8x400 's ! ) . I took it at around the 5 mile mark and definitely felt a bit of a pick - me - up right when I needed it . I would not hesitate to use VFuel again for my fueling needs . I have my first triathlon in just under 2 weeks and one of these packets will be stashed in my bike bag ! am fairly new to the fueling process , but training for a half marathon means learning to nourish and hydrate my body . So I gave VFuel a try . I started my 15K long run with one pack of Peach Cobbler and then had Citrus at the 45 minute mark , just as the packaging recommends . The Peach Cobbler flavor is mellow and sweet and viscous enough to swish down with water . I preferred the Cool Citrus however . It was milder and reminded me of Lemon Meringue pie . The VFuel gel warmed up against my body as I ran and was easier to swallow than the room temperature packet . While I did not notice any GI distress during the run , I did experience some mild gas and cramping post run . GI distress occurred and I was able to complete and perform better compared to the same workouts done without VFuel . I noticed a boost of energy about 25 minutes into the workouts and faster reaction times . Afterwards I felt less muscle soreness than usual . Head on over to their website and see the great flavors they have available . Have I mentioned they have " Maple Bacon " ? Because it 's about time we had the option of something not too sweet . Last year , I wandered into the Portland Rock ' n ' Roll expo because it was FREE , open to the public and Kara Goucher was going to be there . Score ! I had never done a half marathon and wasn 't too sure about it . When I left , I knew it was something I wanted to do . This year , the expo was a little less festive , no key note speakers ( unless I stand corrected ) and some of the vendors seemed a bit out of place ( new cookware anyone ? How about a new pillow for your bed ? ) . All that aside , I cut loose after my slime run 5K that morning and had a little fun at the expo / packet pickup . This year , the Portland location was offering an inaugural 10K distance . I really like the colors better on the 10K medal , and sorta wish I signed up for that distance just because the medal says " inaugural " on it . ; - ) I 'm a geek . The medals also feature the iconic " White Stag " sign , a bottle opener in the state cut - out , roses since we are known as " the city of Roses " and a food cart truck . ( The course passed lots of Food Carts and I was really starting to get hungry . RUN FASTER ! ) The course had a few slight hills , but nothing unconquerable . The weather was starting to get rather humid . I enjoyed that we got to cover a lot of Portland in our 13 . 1 miles . Both distances start in SW portland and travel on a hairpin loop to get a bit of the course into NW Portland . Back near the start again and we cross the Hawthorne bridge ( covered in carpet so no one slips ) and run throughout the charming neighborhoods of SE Portland and then off to NE Portland and over the Steel Bridge to go back towards the finish line in SW . This is definitely a race you can leave the headphones at home for . It is so much fun listening to the live music on the various concert stages throughout the race . I decided not to carry water at all , and the course is very well covered with aid stations . There are also medic stations and volunteers offering wooden spatulas of vaseline if you started to chaffe . My hand hurt from all the high fives I was giving out . When you see a child stick their hand out for you , you have got to stop and give them a little tap . They were all so cute . I wish my Bugaboo and Squeakers were out there , but they were enjoying sleeping in while their crazy mama was running the streets of Portland in costume . My friend Jennifer talked me into dressing up with her as band members from KISS . She dressed as " The Demon " ( Gene Simmons ) and I dressed as " The Starchild " ( Paul Stanley ) . When I flashed the " rock horns " hand gesture to anyone in the crowd , they would scream and cheer for me . It was a little heady . I felt like a rock star ! There were several groups of high school dance teams , cheer squads and the like on the course and on was dressed as band members from KISS . I hollered , " Y ' all are here for me , right ? " and they all started screaming and cheering like crazy and broke into song " I want to rock and roll all night , and party everyday ! " Several miles later I flashed the same rock ' n ' roll hand gesture to a volunteer on the course with a mega phone and she started singing the song for me into her megaphone . I loved it . Local cheer teams and dance squads could compete for who had the most spirit and win money for their school . Jennifer said she was surprised by the lack of costumes at the race overall but enjoyed the spirit and energy of the cheering squads . " I thought the support was great . Southridge High School had the most spirit . When I passed them , I took note of the name because they actually inspired me . " A friend who had finished just behind me told me she came upon a collapsed runner about a 1 / 4 mile from the finish . Other runners had stopped and were giving him chest compressions . While this was disturbing and saddened everyone , the rumor on the internet is that the runner is doing fine now . I heard that he did indeed have a heart attack and will require surgery , but he is in good spirits ( and would like to know if his ambulance crossed the finish line so that he does not get a DNF ) . ( Now my Moms RUN This Town club will be looking into learning this important first aid technique . ) Rock on ! Over all the experience was great ! I think I could have the Rock ' n ' Roll series bug ! Wouldn 't it be fun to run on the Vegas Strip at night ? Bucket list of races just keeps getting longer and longer . . . . I have accomplished my first obstacle race ! The Slime Run 's webpage shows pictures of people being showered in thick green goo , and it isn 't exactly like that . It 's more of a watered down , slick , colorful goo ? Here I am at the start of the race and my " after " pic at the finish . Not as epic as I was hoping for with the mess factor . I had a morning wave time , but the race is pretty low - key on organization and you could probably show up for any wave time that you wanted to . There is NO bag check , so you want to lock your change of clothes and such in your car . Parking ? $ 10 . Ten dollars is way too much to pay to park , especially when the race is within a couple blocks of the transit center ( $ 5 for an all day pass ) . I had some other errands to do after the race ( packet pickup for my Half Marathon the next day ! Woo Hoo ! ) so , pay or figure a way around it ? My errands that required me to be sorta clean and use my change of clothes . Did I mention there is no bag check ? No problem ! If you have anything you need to take with you on a sticky / slimy / muddy or just wet course . . . ziplock bags are your friend . I put a change of clothes , phone , lightweight flip flops and anything else I thought I couldn 't live without in a gallon zip lock bag and put that in a nylon cinch up bag / backpack . . . . with another one inside the ziploc bag so that I could contain the slimy stuff in that ziploc bag and have a clean bag to carry around on my other errands before my trip home . Now that you know how to prepare for your Slime Run , this is what you should know about the course : For whatever location you sign up to do this race , this will be your course map . ; - ) After the start was announced for my wave , some cannons at the start line spray participants with green slime . ( Though I did the very first wave and only one cannon went off . Perhaps that was fixed before the end of the day ? ) After that , I came upon rows of tires were were supposed to run through . I don 't know how those football camp films make it look so easy , but I was pretty sure I was going to trip and kill myself or someone was going to trip and knock me over , and kill me . We ran on pretty much the same route as the Cosmic Run that I had volunteered at in April . I could still see the colorful cornstarch on the ground where the concert had been and where the color stations had been . After getting sprayed by teenagers who delighted it spraying me in the face with their slime guns , I passed a stretch of pink earth . That was where I had tried so hard not to hit people in the face with my pink glow - in - the - dark corn starch a few weeks ago . About that time , and about 1 mile into the course , we had an inflatable slide down to a pool of cold , sticky water . Not quite slime , but slimy looking . Brrrr . Did I mention you should bring an old pair of shoes on their last leg of life ? They will get completely , utterly soaked and there is no going back . So on this chilly May morning in the Pacific Northwest , I crawled out of the inflatable pool of cold liquid and ran on . Fun , but COLD ! The next obstacle was concrete barriers like the ones often seen on highways to keep cars on their side of tWhile they thought it was funny to knock everyone down , I said " screw this " as I rubbed my back and thought about my impeccable timing to want to do every race in the world . . . and the half marathon I had planned the following day . The second one in 8 days . I walked around the obstacle and congratulated myself for giving it a try and playing it safe . No need to seriously hurt myself . At least that 's what I told myself so I could justify taking home one of the medals . This has to be the first fun run that I 've seen that offered bling at the end . They had merchandise for sale ( towel anyone ? ) and a couple small handouts for registered participants , but the quickest way to my heart ( besides a really cool race shirt ) is the bling . So , after climbing through the final inflatable tunnel , I claimed my prize and sat back and watched the finishers climb into their cars to warm up and the new faces start to queue up for their start . ( Not exactly a huge , festive party . . . but fun nonetheless ) . My app on my phone clocked the race at 2 . 88 miles , just about the same distance as the race I had been at earlier here . It was quite the experience , and hoping that the next two obstacle races I have already committed myself to will be fun , but I 'm thinking I should probably stick to colored corn starch and no major races right before one of these events . As I type this , I should also point out that I 'm scheduled to do Kiss Me Dirty the day before my " Beat The Blerch " half marathon . I might also be signed up to do the Oregon Marathon HALF with Uberthons 7 days before all of that . Do you do obstacle / slime / mud / color runs ? Enjoy them ? Do you put too much on your race schedule ? ( Tell me about it so I know I 'm not the only insane person out there ) . ~ Robin I was debating doing just that until my husband told me it was already borderline tacky . Ok , I see the point . My medal holder is also nearly full and I need another one . I was searching for ideas on how to improve my shrine to racing while displaying my bibs and Race recaps from a volunteer perspective : Crazy cornstarch raves and hiking up a hill in 80 's costumes . April 26th and 27th I volunteered at two local races . Two completely different races . . . . supporting one cause . A friend posted on facebook about a new race that needed volunteers , so I thought " What the heck ? Why not ? I 'm not racing so why not go help out ? " ( And it 's a cause that is important to me . ) So I emailed The Portland chapter of Crohn 's and Colitis Foundation of America and signed myself up to volunteer for their Sunday Morning race " The Rad 80 's Run " . The email also stated that if I could volunteer the night before at " The Cosmic Run " that race would donate $ 80 to the CCFA . Okay , sure . A chance to be at a race that I couldn 't really afford to run and help make it fun for others . That sounds good to me . This is an account of my adventures . My first clue that this wasn 't the typical type of " fun run " that I was used to was a great majority of the volunteers were smoking . Eww . Not my thing . After politely moving myself upwind from the smoke , we broke up into groups and I was assigned the " pink station " . After looking at our watches and determining that we had an hour to kill before we were needed , some went to their cars to keep warm and dry from the cold drizzle and others huddled under the staff tent . One of the volunteers in my group asked if anyone wanted to go for a run to try to keep warm ? Certainly not keep dry , but keep the blood flowing . " Sure , why not ? " I replied . . . just as two other volunteers asked " Why ? " " . . . um , to keep warm . To see the race course ? " That was my second clue that this wasn 't a typical type of " fun run " . I couldn 't help but smile , I had ran 6 miles earlier that morning too . I really wish I could convey the amusement there . It was just so funny to be asked by the people hosting the event , a race no less , why we were running . I believe the event 's focus must have been the concert at the end . There are 4 color stations in roughly 3 miles of gravel path . Each station is under black light lamps and the course ended at a concert complete with a light show and a DJ to entertain participants . my shoes under the lights at my color station . I wish I had planned accordingly and wore some crazy colors or something that would glow . The race is most probably not my " thing " , though I am looking forward to doing " The Color Run " and have done " Color Me Rad " in the past . This race is different in that it is after sunset , not many children or as much of a " family focused " event and the general atmosphere just seemed different . Perhaps the mission is the dame and people will do something like this and get excited about running ? It was fun though , since I was kid - free that night . This was held at the beautiful Mt . Tabor park . I had never actually been there before , so I showed up early to run a couple miles to stay both warm and check out the area . Luckily the rain held off until the event was over ! Participants in 80 's gear and wigs The event the night before had over 1 , 000 participants while the 80 's Rad run had roughly 100 participants . VooDoo Doughnut provided some treats for participants ( and volunteers ) to enjoy . As a volunteer , I wish there were sandwich boards on the road that said " runner on road " as it seemed that there was some difficulty with cars stopping and waiting for runners to pass on the fork of road that I was standing on to direct runners . I also wish that I had a safety vest or orange flag to wear or wave as one car tried to go around me a little too closely and another was not going to stop as I was flagging him to do so . When I explained to both drivers that the road I was standing in the middle of was closed for a race , both were angry with me for not having a sign to explain that . Hopefully something this organization will invest in if they continue to do fun events like this . All in all , it was very pretty and I hope that the participants had as much fun doing the race as I did watching them conquer the hill of a road I was standing on . I think the race was practically all up hill until they got to the finish stretch . As the last runner went past I followed up the hill and quickly got lost . I think someone moved one of the mall signs made to direct runners . The cassette tape also had the correct date on one side ( pictured ) and the opposite side had the 28th printed . Ooops . The ribbon is also a cheap ribbon used to wrap gifts with a knot tied on the ends , while the one on the left has a visible seam from being the type of ribbon that is sewn . Just a small detail to point out . If I had done this race for the bling ( as I have done in the past with some races ) I would have been disappointed . Luckily this was for a cause that I feel needs more exposure and more research done for a cure . Have you volunteered for a race ? If not , do you make a point to thank the volunteers you pass on the course ? ; - ) Have you ran a race solely for the finisher 's medal ? Or for the cause they supported ? Tell me about your experience ! May 11 , 2014 was Mother 's Day , and what better way to celebrate it than to push my sweet " babies " across the finish line in a 5k ? The kids and I participated in the " Run Like A Mother " race . According to their website , there are a few races in various cities around the US . Maybe there is one near you ? I think it is a fun race and worth making a mother 's day tradition . Not all events around the US are " stroller friendly " , which is a shame , since it is a race celebrating moms and on Mother 's day . I am lucky enough that my race was considered " stroller friendly " . . . but let me tell you a little bit about that . . . . I 'd also like to take this moment to brag about my BAMR ( Bad Ass Mother Runner ) status and explain that the combined weight of the kids in that stroller was over 65 lbs . We also had snack cups , water bottles , diaper bag , coats for everyone and toys . My goal was just to finish , since I was still pretty sore . We started in the back with the other mamas pushing strollers and wove our way in a slow trot weaving around the course and the moms of all ages walking or running with their kids of all ages . The course had some pretty good inclines and one really nasty hill . I 'm not just a sore , over ran mother complaining either . : ) I heard all about that hill from some of my Moms RUN This Town running mates who also signed up for this event . Once you get past those inclines and steep hill , the course winds back and forth on itself , giving a stroller pushing mama 13 corners to navigate in 3 . 1 miles . I was grateful at mile 2 . 5 to pass a dear friend working at the aid station and she gave me some much needed cheers to get me through that final leg of the race . Since me and the kiddos were out on the course , the husband was a race volunteer and handed out finisher 's medals and pretty tulips to each finisher . Having him at the finish line like this was a unique opportunity for him to greet each finisher and see a race in a new way . he had never volunteered before . When I got through the finish gate , he handed me my flower and medal , gave me a " good job hun , you 're flying ! Go rest . " and later he told me that I was the third stroller pushing mama to cross the finish line and the first double stroller ! ! ! ( The announcer gave credit to another mama for crossing as the first double stroller , but the announcer was also so busy reading our names off the timing ship system , that he forgot to notice my HUGE double stroller when I came in 10 minutes earlier . ) ; - ) I didn 't feel like I was " flying " but I was certainly feeling my right quad and IT band . When I got home though , and looked at the results from the race . . . . the 5k was also a PR ! ! I had cut about 2 minutes off my last 5k race time . Not bad for having a bulky double stroller and being sore from 13 . 1 miles the day before ! " Team Robin " The charity for our event was " My Little Waiting Room " which is a drop - in daycare for a local hospital so that families can visit patients . Festivities at the event had plenty of booths to look through and try some samples . . . kids could get their face painted and make cheering signs . A local physical therapist had some foam rollers out on the turf in the stadium for participants to use . It may have been a little bit more festive to have a local band playing ? But here certainly was a fun post - race environment and a race I 'd like to do over again . I 'm pretty sure that anyone who knew me one year ago would think I was crazy for wanting to wake up early and run while hauling the kids in the stroller as a way to celebrate Mother 's Day . Have you gone out for a run or did a race as a form of " celebration " ? Posted by For this recap , I 'm pleased to share with you not just one runner 's review of events . . . but two ! As you may already know , my co leader for my Moms RUN This Town club is also a guest blogger on here now and then . . . and I am so proud of her as she not only tackled her first half marathon , but did so with speed and strength ! We both took on the " Hippie Chick Quarter and Half Marathon " put on by Better Series on Saturday May 10th . On Saturday I ran my first half marathon ! It was a long time in coming as I had gotten plantar fasciitis 8 days before what was supposed to be my first half in February . By the time Hippie Chick Half finally rolled around in May , I was chomping at the bit ! I met with Robin and some other friends in our running group for a group pic in the morning . Then I headed down for some quick warm - up drills and to the start line . There I found my coach , Nikki Rafie , who ditch them after 4 - 6 miles . The gun went off and I started thinking they were going kind of fast . My Garmin beeped for mile 1 - 8 : 03 ! WTF ? My mantra for the first half of the race was " Keep calm , run on " and I started using it at this point . Mile 2 according to Garmin : 8 : 00 . * # $ & # * ! If I wanted to blow my wad too soon I could have done that on my own ! ! I was starting to get worried . Mile 3 : 8 : 00 . My mantra was no longer effective so I decided to say it with a British accent . There , much better . if we 're going to run this fast I will try to draft off of the pace group leaders . Unfortunately , they 're all so petite that 's just not happening . They are from Team Athena , but I was the only Athena in sight . Plus their balloons kept bonking me on the head . Abort mission . At least we slowed down to around 8 : 05 with the headwind . We turned in a direction I was not expecting to go . I had told my hubs and everyone else who was cheer - leading when to be where based on the course that was posted on their site , which they did in reverse . My husband was supposed to hand me a bottle of Cocogo at mile 8 since I can 't tolerate gels or most sports drinks , but no Cocogo for me . * Sigh * . Keep calm , run on . Miles ticked off around 8 : 04 - 8 : 08 as we hit some small hills . About mile 7 , Nikki popped out of nowhere and paced me for about a mile . We sped up a bit , because well , you don 't run slow in Nikki Rafie 's presence . Beep : 7 : 59 ! ! Nikki made a comment about us being ahead of schedule . The pacers asked if I want to slow down . " No ! " I shouted emphatically , then I thought " Did I just say that ? " At the 9 . 3 mark I looked at my Garmin and saw that I hit a 15K PR . I wasn 't sure whether to be excited or very , very 3 pacers hanging with the group , so the pacers said we could split up and go at whatever pace we wanted . I turned on the full and absolute beast mode and pulled slightly ahead with my 2 personal pacers the rest of the race . At the 11 mile mark I asked one of them to tell me a joke . She told me a story about a friend who ran a marathon and thought she was eating Gu , but instead she ate Vasoline . That distracted me for 30 seconds and then I got back to being miserable . with her cowbell ! I was thinking " Draw energy from the bell " and then tried to keep thinking of the bell but then all I could think about was how many minutes until I could stop running . And then I started counting breaths and going through my various mantras . There was the finish line ! I beat my husband and daughter there by about a minute . I had no fuel but a few sips of Nuun and water but I seemed to do ok with that . My official time was 1 : 47 : 09 which came out to 8 : 10 per mile . My Garmin said I ran 13 . 27 at 8 : 04 avg . Apparently I on her stretch goal pace ! After the race I enjoyed the food but I had a hard time finding water . Every station seemed to have only Nuun , so I ended up getting water from the bathroom sink . It reminded me of a scene from Idiocracy . " Water ? Like out the toilet ? " I was under trained and dehydrated from being sick earlier in the week but neglect to mention those things as I my friend Maryalicia ( from Run Oregon ) who had generously agreed to pace me for this race . : ) I have always been too slow to be in a race where a pacing group was available for my race pace . I had ran " Run Like Hell " in October with a 2 : 38 finishing time and wanted to go for a 2 : 30 this time . : ) Let me just say , that if you haven 't heard of or tried the Galloway Method , you have got to give it a try ! She set her timer for intervals of running for 30 seconds and walking for 15 seconds . It took some getting used to , but before the race was done , I was certainly looking forward to those walk breaks ( which really aren 't a break . . . I was busting my butt to move forward towards the finish ! ) . We picked up a couple people along the route and they joined us too for a bit on our adventures with run / walk intervals . I have to tell you though , when you are going to start walking , get to the right so faster people can pass on the left and watch behind you so that you don 't cause an accident of people running into you when you suddenly stop running and move to a walk . We would raise a hand in the air and shout " walking now ! " We skipped the long lines at the porta potties and queued up for the race . Before I knew it , we were off and running ! Weeee ! ( okay . Maybe I should have gone and risked a later start time ? ) There was a porta potty at the first aid station , but the line was already way too long . " That 's okay " I told myself . . . " I probably really don 't have to go anyway . Just running nerves . . . " I packed my Nathan QuickShot for the race , but planned to rely on the ample water stations the race webpage had described on the course . The first aid station , the volunteers had the water in large bowls and they were dipping the cups into the bowls . . . getting their ungloved hands into the water ! ! ! EWWW ! The marshy , farm land smell did not help my gag reflex on that one . Keep moving forward . We passed a couple more water stations and I tried to ignore if there were pitchers , bowls of water or large coolers . . . . I just needed to stay hydrated . By mile 5 there is no denying I need to pee . Next port a potty , I 'm getting in line . Where are the porta potties ? The next aid station around mile 7 is just getting a truck load of porta potties dropped off ! If we had been any faster , we would have missed them and had to wait until the finish line . The speedy racers missed out if they had to go . . . Likewise , those of us with an 8 minute mile pace or greater had no water at the next station . Mile 8 was out of water . The volunteers up and left their station and the resident who owned the farm behind the aid station had come out with a water cooler on the back of one of his vehicles . We grabbed a dixie cup and got in line as he filled our cups and I thanked him profusely . That hiccup aside , the course was very beautiful , a few slight hills and lots of people to cheer and be cheered by ! i loved that aspect of it . If there was one thing I could change , it would be that at the finish through the parking lot to get to the finishing gate , there are too many zigs - and - zags . It isn 't a straight shot from the road and into the stadium track . I had to dig deep to finish and I could hear in Maryalicia 's voice that her encouragement " Almost there ! " also was saying " It 's just about 2 : 30 : 00 now . . . can you dig any deeper ? " Then , running all out , as hard as I can , I have to also slow to turn and weave through the parking lot and the curbs . GAH ! But . . . . digging as deep as I can and asking Maryalicia to drag me to the finish if i should fall over and try to die . . . . I made it through the finish line ! ! Maryalicia warned me not to get discouraged when I saw the clock . . . " Gun Time " I mumbled between gasps of air . But when I approached the timing pads on the ground , my heart leapt as I saw the time read 2 : 30 : 00 . . . . the next timing pad was sooooooo far away . . . . . . MILES ! Would i get to it in the next 60 seconds ? Logic would have reminded me that this was the gun time and that anything under 2 : 38 : 00 was a PR , but I was illogical at that point . I made it ! Official chip time is 2 : 29 : 45 ! ! Our finisher 's medals are a bit on the underwhelming side , but the event is geared towards ladies ( men can register but their times and results are not tracked and they are not offered any awards . ) and so being geared towards the female population , the race gave out necklaces with a 1 1 / 4 inch charm ( including the hoop ) and approx 1 / 4 inch wide . I don 't know if I 'm being a spoiled brat , but for pushing so dang hard to cross that finish line , I wanted some bling ! ! If the bling is so tiny , it had better at least be silver plated . This is not . oh well . From a male spectator point of view , the husband had a lot of fun with the kiddos as they waited for mommy to finish . A clown provided entertainment and kids who were in the kids ' dash could partake in the pancake breakfast that was also available for the finishers for the quarter and half . Bathrooms were all converted to women 's restrooms except one small men 's room outside of the stadium . The husband found this terribly inconvenient as he needed to change a diaper while I was out on the run . And there wasn 't a changing table in there anyway once he got in there . So , making the event a little more " dad friendly " would have been nice for a women 's event held on mother 's day weekend . All in all , the kids had fun . I ate my pancakes and drank half my free beer before the kiddos kicked it over as i got my free massage . I enjoyed myself and am over the moon with my PR , running with my friend and future Hood To Coast team mate and making new friends out on the Thanks Maryalicia ! ! Posted by
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In about a month , I 'm turning thirty . . . and I 'm terrified . I think I 'm going through my quarter life crisis about five years too late . I 'm almost thirty , and I don 't have my shit together . Yes , I have lots of professional accomplishments , and I 'm the youngest person to have the Clinical Director position in this or surrounding agencies . I feel like , personally , I don 't have my shit together . I 'm reactive to life instead of being in control of my life . I eat fast food because I can 't plan ahead and cook meals , I don 't work out because I 'm " tired , " " lazy , " and " work hard . " I just don 't feel fulfilled . So , I 'm on a spiritual journey to find myself and to take control of my life again . So , I 'm working on some things . I 'm working out every day , training to run a 5K , and eating well . I just need to make it a habit . It needs to part of my routine . I need to create structure within my life . I 'm also trying to work on my soul . To make me happy with me . I 'm going to read more and do more spiritual activities to get in touch with God . I ordered the 21 day visual devotional , and I 'm really excited to start working on it . I need a schedule to write , to read , to live my life and stop letting my life live me . Posted by Wow , I 'm really awful at this . I thought I had at least posted daily during week 1 . While I 've faithfully been working out and tracking my nutrition ( not quite as faithfully ) . However , I haven 't lost anything . Or , hardly anything . It 's a little discouraging ; however , I notice a difference in how I 'm performing , so I 'm holding on to that . I also recently got a fitbit blaze , and I love it . It 's pretty amazing , and I think it 's a little more accurate than my HR ( don 't get me wrong , I love my HR too ) . I 'm stoked and excited to use it to take my fitness to the next level . I 'm setting goals this week so I can hopefully SEE results . 1 . 10 , 000 steps everyday ( except Thursday . . . cause it 's really hard for me on Thursdays ) Day 2 was Speed 1 . 0 . All I can remember in my head is " front , center , back , center , out wide . " This was the cadence to the speed and agility move . Keeping up on this one was difficult , but I feel like I did a really good job with it , and I look forward to improving . Lunch was this salad , that was really yummy . I was surprised by how good it was . There is a lot of sugar in in ( or more than I want ) , but it was ( surprisingly ) really good . I like that it 's organic and certified by the NSF . I 'm not putting anything gross in my body and am truly eating clean . This was dinner ; Greek Feta Zucchini Turkey burger . The zucchini is actually in the burger , and it is topped with a greek salad . I roasted some green beans . This was delicious . It 's a recipe I found on skinny taste , and I have rarely had a bad meal from her . It was really yummy ( and healthy ) . Day 3 Today 's workout was total body circuit , and man was it difficult . I barely survived this one ; I swore Shaun T was trying to kill me . It worked out everything . . . lived up to it 's name . Craziness is what it should be called . I know this workout isn 't as difficult as insanity , but it was pretty hard . Dinner this night was a loaded taco salad . It was deliciousness . It had chicken , back beans , corns , doritos , tomatoes , avocado , and greek yogurt dressing . Even my wife liked it , and my wife usually doesn 't like it when I make salad for dinner . Day 4 This was Ab Interval day . Just because I stayed mostly in fat burn does not mean I didn 't get a good workout . Holy George do I need to work on my abs . I have virtually no core strength . I 'm hoping that changes with this program . I didn 't eat well this day . I had another elevate salad for lunch , and we ate Arby 's for dinner . Not the best decision I ever made . Day 5 Yesterday was doubles day . I did Lower Focus followed by Cardio . After lower focus , my legs were JELLO . I would go down in a squat or a lunge , and I didn 't think I could get back up . Then , I had to do Cardio . I did pretty good the first half , then the second half I had to switch between going all out and modifying . However , I got all the way through it . It was amazingly hard , but worth it . Day 6 Rest day and STATurday . I gained some weight , but I lost some body fat , and my measurements have stayed the same . So , it 's not ideal and I 'm trying not to get discouraged . I haven 't been drinking my Teami tea , so I have have put on some water weight . Here it is : Weight : 256 . 6 lbs Today started with my workout . CARDIO ! ! I knew that if I didn 't start my day with the workout I wouldn 't have done it . So , that was what I started my day with , and it was awesome . I feel like I did awesome in this workout . I had to stop and shake it out a couple times because my hips and legs are tight . Every once and a while I slowed down to follow the modifier because I was getting tired , but I am pretty damn proud of myself . I 've been amazed at what my body can do lately . I 've been doing really well in my workouts and pushing myself . 7 minutes in peak ? ! ? ! That 's amazing for me . I was super impressed my how many calories I burned , too . I 've been logging my food in order to keep track of everything in my Fitbit app . This way , I know when I have been hitting my target calories . I 've also been trying to eat cleaner . Today was not a good example , I ate oatmeal from mcdonalds , Chinese food ( moo shoo pork ) , and Mexican ( grilled chicken quesadilla with grilled mushrooms ) . It hasn 't been terrible , and I have stayed within my caloric limit , but it hasn 't been as natural or clean as I would like . My biggest problem today is I 'm exhausted ! I did some work from home this weekend to get caught up since it was such a crazy week last week . I finished it all , but I think I wore myself out . I really want to get back into reading at night and going to bed at a decent hour so I get all of my sleep . I know that 's important too . Overall , I want to be more balanced . I think I 'm on my way there , I just have to keep at it and be more disciplined . My challenge to myself is to get 10 , 000 steps everyday this month as well . We are going to see how that works out for me . usually I get close , but I don 't quite hit it . So , we are going to see how that goes . well , I 'm going to enjoy the Game Show Network for the last day I have it , maybe get some reading in , and hit the hay super early . It 's back to work tomorrow . Posted by I 've officially ended 21 Day Fix Extreme . All in all , I lost 7 . 3 pounds , which is nothing to shake a stick at . That 's a pretty awesome weight loss , especially since I skipped a week . I didn 't expect to get such good results since I was pretty lax on the meal plan and missed a whole week of workouts . Now , I am on a mission to complete all of the programs I have purchased . I 'm not turning in my pictures to beach body for this one because I did not complete the program . My goal is to turn in pictures and get the swag for all the completed programs . Then I 'll have a whole collection . To see my workout schedule for the year , go here . I 'm starting with Focus T25 for two reasons . First , I think it 's a better program for beginners . Second , I have completed the program before . I did Alpha , Beta , and Gamma . it was awesome , but I don 't think I got the results I wanted because I ate like crap ( although I did get some results ) . So , I 'm gonna make sure I eat pretty clean and do well so I can get maximum results . Focus T25 is 5 workouts a week for 25 minutes a day . Well , really that 's kind of a lie because on Fridays you do double workouts , so really it 's 50 minutes of Fridays . Saturday and Sunday are rest days or you can do stretch on Sundays . The stretch DVD in this program is the BOMB . COM . It 's awesome ! ! You will feel so good after you do it , especially after a grueling week of workouts . I 'm so glad I bought the program ( the first time I did it a friend bought the program and we liked it so much I bought gamma ) just for the stretch DVD . I 'm hoping , after the Alpha round , to be in the 230s . I 've never been able to break the 240s . Really , I 've never been able to break 245 . So , I 'm excited to try this and get some good results . I know that nutrition is the key , and it is my weakness . Therefore , I have to plan for it in order to get results . But , results I 'm going to get ! ! I know I haven 't posted in a while . I usually won 't post on Thursdays because those are my long days . Yesterday , I was so stinking tired I hardly did anything . However , I have kept up on my workouts ! Thursday was leg day ( Lower Fix Extreme ) . This was squats and lunges , squats and lunges , and more squats and lunges . This killed me , especially the sumo squats with plyo followed by the back lunges with plyo gets me every time . It 's craziness and completely burns out your legs . Then , Friday you do Cardio Fix Extreme . I was sweating up a storm . It 's craziness . Today was Dirty 30 Extreme . I don 't think I have ever sweated so much in my life . I mean , holy moly . . . I 've workout out hard these last couple of days . I 'm pretty proud of myself , to be really honest . My nutrition has been on point as well . This latter half of the week , I 've been trying to track my nutrition in My Fitness Pal . Lately it 's been about eating the rest of the leftovers in the fridge so we can restock for this coming week . Thursday lunch I finished off the turkey stuffed zucchini , and that night I finished off the salad . I also took a better picture of it . Yesterday for lunch , I ate at Arby 's . We 've been seeing commercials for their Bourbon Brisket bacon sandwich , and it looks really yummy . So , I had one . I calculated it within my calorie intake , and I made sure to take the dogs for a walk too to help burn off what I ate . But , it all worked out for me . Dinner was grilled chicken tacos and green beans . Yum Yum . Today I weighed myself and lost 8 pounds from last week ! I was pleasantly surprised . I forgot to take my other measurements , so I will have to do that tomorrow , especially in anticipation of Focus T25 . This was my lunch today . I took my mom out before we went grocery shopping . I have more carbs in this week 's meal plan , so we will see how that translates on the scale and in the measurements . I 'm excited for Focus T25 . let 's hope next week is as good as this one ! Today didn 't start off so well . I was exhausted , but I dragged my butt out of bed anyway to find my dogs had chewed my resistance bands . Grrr . . . they 're acting out since my wife is in Africa . I cleaned it up , got out my other resistance band , pushed play , and was so tired I turned it off 10 minutes in , and I went back to bed . I know sleep is an important part of this process , so I went ahead and took some time . Because I slept in , I didn 't eat breakfast . I know . . . that 's bad . I meant to drink my shakeology at work , but I just got busy and forgot about it . My mom joined me for lunch , which was great because I was in my office most of the day . We ate a grilled chicken quesadilla . I put a little salsa on it , and yum yum . I did indulge in the chips and salsa , but I didn 't eat the rice or beans that came with it . Dinner was this beauty . They are Turkey Stuffed Zucchini from my favorite healthy food blog , skinny taste . This is so yummy , and a great way to get your veggies as you put the guts of the zucchini back in the stuffing . Yum Yum While I didn 't do pilates , I did take my monsters ( I mean girls ) for a walk tonight . We go out and got our steps in . The plan is to go to bed early tonight so I can kill leg day tomorrow ! Posted by Today 's workout was Upper Fix Extreme . Can I tell you , I did not get my ass out of bed . I even thought about not doing my workout because it 's " only upper body . " Once I got up , dressed , and was ready to workout , my wife called from Africa . Her first question was if I worked out yet , then she made me hang up until I worked out . Even from Africa she was super supportive . So , I got it done . Push ups and dolphins killed me . I cannot plank to save my life ; it is really hard for me . However , I was super excited when I could hold myself up and do tricep dips . These are so hard for me , and while I couldn 't lift my leg , I could at least keep my butt in the air . Definite win for the last time I 'm doing this workout in a while . I 'm pretty sure tricep dips are going to come back in before I revisit 21 Day Fix Extreme though . Breakfast was the same as yesterday , but I added a banana . It was just as good as it was yesterday . I don 't know how I feel about microwaved eggs , but it is good that I 'm eating a nutritional breakfast before I go to work . Here 's a picture of the salad I talked about yesterday , and it was just as good today as it was yesterday . You can 't see a whole lot of what 's in the salad , but at least you get a decent idea . It 's super yummy . Dinner was Honey Lime Sriracha Chicken with green beans and yellow squash . It was also super yummy . The chicken was excellent , but it was not as spicy as I thought it would be . We think that maybe it needed to be marinated overnight and eaten right off of the grill . The squash is also grilled , but the green beans are roasted . For dessert , I had reese 's peanut butter cups . Yes , I had a treat , but I was also spot on with my nutrition throughout the day . I go by the 80 / 20 rule ; otherwise I 'm going to crash and burn . So , today was a good day . Now , to do it again tomorrow . I 'm hoping by the time I complete Focus T25 Alpha , this is a habit and it doesn 't become so hard to get up in the morning . Here 's to hoping ! ! 21 Day Fix Extreme Week 3 While the title of the post says week 3 , you all know I skipped a week in there , so I haven 't really completed the program . Side note , for this reason I 'm not sending in pics for the shirt . Anyway , I figured I would finish out the month with this program and change to Focus T25 in June . So , today was the last day of Plyo Fix Extreme . I decided to try out my Beachbody Performance Energize , and it was Amazing ! ! It is meant to give you energy to enhance your workout . I read reviews that have said it 's especially good for people who workout early in the morning and are tired during their workouts . That 's me ( ! ) , so I was excited to try it . During my workout , I felt like I was on fire ! I did the whole workout for the whole time . I felt SO GOOD when I was doing this workout . I was able to have a good range of motion , I barely stopped even thought there were a lot of jumps . I usually poop out or " half ass " it , but not this time . I was a machine . However , my fitbit did not necessarily reflect this , which was kind of disappointing . I still think I need some Energize in my life though . We are going to see how the rest of this week goes , but I 'm certain I 'm going to be purchasing more of that soon . The left picture is from today ( with energize ) , and the right is from the last time I did this workout . Notice I spent a minute with my heart rate in peak today , but last time I spent more time in " cardio . " I think the biggest thing for me is how I felt during this workout . I legitimately felt like a beast , and I have never felt that way before . As for meals , I ate really well today . I only took a picture of my breakfast , but I ate salad for my other two meals , and it 's the same salad I 'm eating for lunch all week so I will eventually get a picture . This is an egg casserole I made . I realized yesterday as I was meal prepping I got rid of my muffin tin , and I improvised . I cut the casserole into 12 pieces , so I would only get one egg per square . In this , I used 12 eggs , lots of spinach , mushrooms , and feta cheese . It was actually really good . I refrigerated the whole casserole and only reheated the squares I need . I think in the future , I will add some red bell pepper . I also don 't know how I feel about the feta . It 's just not evenly spaced . Spinach , Mushroom , and Feta Egg Casserole My next two meals were Honeycrisp Salad . It had spinach , blue cheese crumbles , dried cranberries , pecans , and a homemade apple vinaigrette . It was delicious . During lunch , I added some shredded chicken , which was also really tasty . This is definitely a salad I will bring back . I also used the spinach I bought at the Farmer 's Market , which was really yummy . It was extra crispy , so it will really a different kind of spinach than what you purchase in the store . I 'll be sure to take a picture of it tomorrow . Honey crisp Apple Salad finally , a friend of mine asked to meet me at Dairy Queen . To be honest , I wasn 't really excited for ice cream . I didn 't really want it . I had a mini blizzard , and I was surprisingly good with that . Considering yesterday I wanted to eat all of the candy , cookies , and ice cream in the town , today was a pleasant surprise . I was on my cycle this previous week , and I wanted to eat everything in sight . Good thing that doesn 't happen all of the time . Today was a great start to getting myself back on track . Even though it was a stressful day ( that 's what happens when an employee walks out on you ) , I didn 't let it get me down and I didn 't stress eat . Overall , today was a win . Let 's hope I can continue my awesome decision making through tomorrow . Posted by I weighted myself this morning , and the scale said 260 . Which means , the scale is definitely going the wrong direction . Since I started 21 Day Fix Extreme , the scale has been going up . I know my diet hasn 't been 100 % on point , but it has drastically improved from where it was . I think that is part of my problem . I don 't need to be so fixated with the number on the scale . Because it had been going up , even if my body fat percentage went down , I got a little discouraged . Now I 'm super discouraged . But , I 'm going to do something about it . Today , we went to the farmer 's market in effort to purchase local produce so I can meal prep tomorrow . This is an awesome farmer 's market with lots of local farmers , and a lot of them are all natural / organic farms . There were a lot of flower and herb vendors this time , and the selection at the farmer 's tables were very limited . I think this is because it is early in the season . We were able to get some spinach , zucchini , and meat . They also had this awesome band that played while you can hear it throughout the market . It 's nice to have some atmosphere . This is something I really enjoy doing , but I don 't do it enough . We are going to try to make it a habit to go every Saturday . It is kind of far out of the way for me ( it 's about an hour north ) , but I 'm hoping that it will be worth it . There were also food trucks while we were there . There was one called Pandamonium Doughnuts , and it had a humongous line . I 've heard they 're really yummy . We ate at this food truck called " Cracked , " which had egg products . I had an egg sandwich with spinach , sun dried tomatoes , hash browns , and chipotle pesto . It was delicious . Tomorrow is definitely a reset day . Yoga Fix Extreme , meal plan , and clean the house . That 's going to be the plan , and I am going to post day by day to assist me in documenting my journey . Posted by Clearly what I 'm doing isn 't working for me . I haven 't worked out in a week , I haven 't been eating the best ( although it is better than eating greasy fast food every day ) . I know I need to change things up ( drastically ) , so I 'm going to change the way I do things . Clearly specialized posts aren 't working , so I 'm going to post daily . I 'm going to post pictures of what I eat and the workout for that day . I 'm going to try to make it my nighttime ritual . That and reading . The first thing I need to do is figure out my photo storage so I can access all the photos on my phone from my computer so I can post them . I 'll also post them on social media and Facebook to keep myself accountable too . It 's just something I need to do anyway , but this will give me a good excuse . Then , I also have Insanity ( the original ) and Insanity Asylum Vol . 1 as well , but those seem really scary right now , so I will just hold off . I 'm also going to meal plan and count my calories . I 'm going to post pictures of my meals and make sure my calories count . I will try to post the containers if I can figure it out . I 'm not very good with following that meal plan . I know it works for a lot of people though . Here 's to a new plan , and continuing the journey of me . I just have to accept that during this time there is going to be rough spots . I 'm going to have to figure out what works for me and how to keep myself motivated . Posted by This was my first straight week of 21 Day Fix Extreme , and boy is it extreme ! ! However , it is just the right amount of intensity for me . It 's a good challenge , to say the least . This workout is made of five rounds . Each round has two moves ( three if you are doing something with legs . . . one for each leg ) . Each move is 30 seconds with a 30 second water break in between . 30 second may sounds like a lot for a break , but it goes by fast . It does not go by fast when you are dying in your weighted lunge hops though . Lunges are soooo hard for me . I 'm not sure why . The burped tuck jumps are a - la insanity , but it 's only 30 seconds , and you get a break . So . . . just a little crazy , not fully insane . I felt this one afterward . It 's that good kind of sore feeling , and you know you 've worked your ass off . I 'm excited to get better on this one . I know I will progress far . I don 't remember how many round this workout is , but I do remember you do it twice . There 's a nice little progression of shoulders to back to biceps to triceps . Man , does it make your arms hurt . my favorite move was the ones with the resistance band . You really want to make sure you are using proper form with these . I have a hard time knowing if I 'm actually working the muscle I 'm supposed to be working . And , crab dips are the worst . This was one you didn 't feel until the next day , but man oh man do I feel it . I have zero upper body strength , so I 'm hoping this helps out ! Max Heart Rate : 117 Calories Burned : 249 This was a great workout , but I 'm having a hard time seeing the benefit . Don 't ' get me wrong , I know there is one , but I didn 't burn a lot of calories , and I don 't feel a whole lot different . The resistance bands were tricky to use . When we did moves on our hands and knees , the band hurt to hold on to , and it would rub against my leg and get stuck . I don 't know that I got a whole lot of good out of this one . I 'm ready to do something a little more intense that will burn mega calories and get my heart rate up . That 's probably going to come tomorrow Look for the other workouts to come next week . I 'm glad I 'm doing all of this , but I really need to dial in my nutrition as well . That 's going to be most of the battle . Posted by Here is the second part of the 20 questions from The Big Fat Truth . I 've been gaining insight since reading the book , and I 've noticed a difference in the way I think about food . I don 't want fast food anymore , but I eat it sometimes because that 's the way we live . My wife was stressed beyond belief this week , and we chose to eat out more than we usually like . However , this has really helped me conceptualize the emotional part of my weight loss journey , and I have taken back some of my power over food . I 'm excited to see where this journey takes me . Wow , this is kind of a hard one . What I believe and what I practice are two different things . I understand and believe in the " fuel " concept . I know that food is fuel for my body , and putting bad things in there is clogging up the lines , and eventually , the car will stop . However , I treat my body and eat like I believe my body is a convenient store . I run though fast food because it is convenient and fills my need for grease and sugar . I treat food like a drug and use it to fill emptiness for things I haven 't quite dealt with . Food is the answer ; although , I know that it 's not . Food is the problem . I only need to conceptualize food as fuel ; what I put in my body will determine how efficiently the car runs . Do you have kids ? Have you passed on your poor eating habits ? I don 't have kids , which kind of reinforces bad eating habits because I don 't have to set examples for others . I am conscious of what people are around when I eat and what I eat when I am around them . Not necessarily because I think they are going to take on my habits , but because I am embarrassed . Also , in my line of work , I talk about the importance of nutrition and how healthy nutrition benefits the body and helps combat symptoms of mental illness ; however , I feel like a hypocrite . I know that people know I don 't necessarily practice what I preach , and I think that discredits me a little bit . . . a lot bit . Hell yes , I 'm afraid of dying prematurely . I 'm also afraid of my wife dying prematurely . I have nightmares about it ; it causes me a lot of anxiety . I constantly think something is going to happen to one of us ; it secretly consumes me sometimes . I tell my wife this , and she assures me she 's not going to die , but I am still afraid . Before my wife lost a lot of her weight , she was having heart palpitations , and she didn 't really tell me until much later . This contributes to my fear . Describe how your family upbringing has played a part in your weight gain . I feel like I 've already answered this question before . My dad was very conscious about his weight because his father passed away early due to a heart attack . Because of this , he was very critical about everything we ate , which caused my mom and I to sneak food . We also ate out all of the time , which didn 't help anything . Being overweight was shameful in my family , but it is also the norm . I mean , everyone ( almost everyone ) is overweight . It was normal to go out , have lots of carbs and cheese for holidays , and gorge ourselves on food . That was the pattern I saw and I lived in , and that is the pattern I am trying to break . Yes I have let myself down by being overweight . I am better than this ; I am stronger than this . The me on the outside doesn 't project me on the inside . I don 't think I have been treating myself the way I deserve to be treated . That makes me sad . I do think I 've let my family down as well because they worry about me . I also think I disappointed them a little but because I cannot seem to get my stuff together . What do you see when you look in the mirror ? I try not to look in the mirror , especially when I 'm naked . I don 't really look at myself because I 'm ashamed at what I see . When I am clothed , my eyes immediately go to my midsection to see if I look too " lumpy " in the clothes I am wearing . I think I don 't look because I know I 'm going to see someone who is unhappy with the way she is , and she is overall unhappy . I would see someone who doesn 't have her shit together ( and I am someone who always has my shit together ) . I see someone who is sad and unfilled . . . and lost . I don 't know that I know what to do to get back on track . Well , I do , but it 's about consistency , and if I don 't see results I get discouraged and don 't do anything . Nope , I have told my wife everything and she knows me and loves me anyway . I 'm pretty open with people who ask about my background . I don 't share with everyone , but those that are close to me ( wife and best friends ) know . How much weight do you want to lose ? I want to lose about 130 pounds . This will get me down to where I 'm supposed to be health wise . I want to have a healthy level of body fat , and I want to be toned . I also want to lose the stress of being overweight , I want to lose the sadness I feel sometimes , and I want to lose the negative self - image I have about myself . I think once I let some of that go , and I think I 've already started , then the rest will follow . What is going to be different this time around ? I 'm actually diving into the why of being overweight . I 'm doing the emotional work as well . I can already tell I don 't want to run through fast food or that I 'm disappointed when I don 't work out . I 'm changing the story I tell myself about losing weight and why I 'm participating in this journey , and I think that makes a big difference . I think I 've learned to set small goals and make small changes . I 'm holding myself accountable . I 'm also posting things more often , which helps in holding me accountable . The next step is probably posting things where my support system can see them or knows about them , but I don 't think I 'm ready for that yet . Posted by I know I was supposed to have week 1 of the 21 Day Fix Extreme , and I did the first two days , but the other days I was extremely tired , and I could not get out of bed . I did pretty well on eating until the last couple of days . We had a cookout for some of the students my wife is associated with , so the last couple days have been spent eating leftover hotdogs and hamburgers . Today , I felt like crap . I have bad sinus issues , and it all caught up with me today . I 've spent most of the weekend sleeping and trying to just take care of myself . I learned some things about work that were not the most pleasant , and I 've been ruminating on how to manage the information I have and what my responsibility is since I now know . I 've ordered a couple of things I think will help with my fitness journey . The first is a Beachbody performance sampler . This has things for pre workout , during workout , post workout , and sleeping supplements to help further my performance . I 'm excited to try it , and I will definitely be posting about it . I never feel like I get the right nutrients for working out , and I know this is going to help tremendously . Also , I 've been doing a lot of research on PCOS , and I 'm convinced I have it . While I 've never been formally diagnosed , I have a lot of the symptoms . While I take birth control to control my cycles , I still feel really symptomatic sometimes when my body is trying to have a period . i 've been doing some research , and I found a lot of people use Teami products to help control the symptoms ( bloating , acne , stable moods ) . So , I ordered the detox pack today . I 'm excited to try it and see how it works . Again , I will be posting about this too . My wife leaves for South Africa next Saturday , and I 'm pretty worried about her . This is the longest we will have been apart with minimal contact in a while . My mom is coming to help me take care of the dogs , and I 'm hopeful I will have enough distractions to manage while she is gone . She is gone for two weeks , is back for a couple of days , and leaves again for a monPosted by I 've started reading The Big Fat Truth , written by the producer of The Biggest Loser and Extreme Weight Loss . The premise of the book is the emotional journey behind weight loss and getting to the heart of why you gained weight , work through it , so you don 't regain all of the weight back . There is a section in the book where he gives you questions he asks of contestants prior to their acceptance on the show . The questions are supposed to make you dig deeper and really identify what is going on behind the weight gain . So , here are the first half of the questions with my answers . I want to get better , and I don 't want to gain all of my weight back . I 'm very committed to this journey , and I am ready to move forward . The author stated that these questions should take a few hours to answer ( and they did ) . I 'm going to split this into two blog posts so I have more time to answer the questions . I spent a lot of time because I really need to figure this out , I really need to get my shit together . I want to be my best self before I am 30 , and I know I need to do the emotional work to make this stick and last a lifetime . So , here I am , digging deep , trying to be my best self . Is weight an issue in the family you grew up in ? Who suffers from it ? How much do they need to lose ? Do you blame your family for making you overweight ? Hell yes weight is an issue in my family . All of my dad 's side of the family is overweight . My grandfather died of a heart attack when my dad was young , and all of my dad 's siblings have a weight problem . My dad 's eldest sister has been yo - yo " dieting " for several years , and I have seen her lose a lot of weight and then gain it all back . I know when she is on the wagon because she talks about it all of the time . Then , I know when she falls off because she stops talking about it . She recently lost about 100 pounds , which is amazing ; however , I saw a picture of her recently and think she has fallen off the wagon again . There 's no way to know how much she has to lose , but my fear is she 's going to gain all of her weight back . My dad 's younger sister had been overweight most of her life . I remember when my wife and I went home for the sugar bowl , and i thought my aunt had an eating disorder . Turns out , she had weight loss surgery and just ate too much the night I saw her . She has never told me about her surgery ; I had to hear it from other family members . She is at a good weight now , but I bet she lost about 100 pounds as well . My dad 's younger brother is the largest of all of them . He had an aortic aneurism many years ago and has gained most of his weight back . It 's really sad to watch him do daily activities . He lived past the age of his dad , but I don 't know that he is going to live much longer . He has probably about 250 pounds to lose . My dad watched his weight all of his life . I remember he would do fad diet after fad diet to make sure the pounds stayed off . It didn 't come naturally to him either as I think he would like , and lately he has started to gain some comfort weight as he is now in a committed relationship . When I was growing up , my dad was especially hard on my mom and I about what we ate and how much weight we had gained . I understand where he was coming from , but it was very demeaning and did not build self - esteem or confidence . He used a lot of " you " language instead of nearly stating that he was concerned and wanted us to live long lives . This drove my mom into a deeper depression , which caused her to eat more . His comments were shaming and made me feel like he didn 't love me because I was fat . After my parents were divorced , my mom was diagnosed with diabetes . She worked her booty off to lose weight and eat healthy , and I think she was off of medication for a little while ; however , she moved back in with my grandfather and has had difficulty maintaining it . She doesn 't have a whole lot of weight to lose , probably about 50 pounds . However , I don 't think anyone in my family is good with dealing with emotional stuff , which is the contributing reason to their weight gain and inability to maintain a healthy weight . I don 't blame my family for my weight gain . Ultimately , I am the only person responsible for what I put in my mouth . I think , sometimes , it is really easy to blame them , and I wish people , especially my dad , had addressed things differently when I was a kid . I know a lot of my behavior is learned , but as an adult , I have the power to change my habits . This is about me and for me . I think I need to work up enough courage to tell me family " no " when they want me to participate in engaging in unhealthy behavior . For example , I do not want a whole pan of spinach dip that could feed a small army every time I come home , even though it is my favorite . I may want a serving or two while I am there , but I do not need to bring it into my home . I mean , I definitely have to unlearn some habits my family taught me , but I don 't think it is their fault . They don 't know any different , and while I wish they would take the time to do some of this work that I 'm doing , I understand that it is hard and scary to look inside yourself and face all of the scary demons that contribute to your weight in the first place . While I wish they would do the emotional work , they have to want to do it for themselves . I have to control what I can control and let go of what I cannot control . What is your ethnicity ? Does your culture play a part in your weight ? I am white . I think food is a large part of the white culture . We revolve everything around dinner , dinner parties , parties with snacks , movies with popcorn and candy . Obesity is also at an all time high in America , predominately with the white culture . It 's not culturally acceptable to have problems , be emotional , blah blah . It 's just not cool . Also , it 's completely the norm to go through fast food and order the oversized , deep fried , quick and cheap meal because you are stressed , don 't have time , don 't feel like cooking , etc . It 's just the cultural norm . So , yes , I think our culture plays a huge part in my weight . It 's more convenient to make an unhealthy choice than a healthy one . Also , my family is from Italian decent , which means we practice lots of Italian tradition . This reads every function has food filled with carbs , cheese , and sugar . Again , this plays into traditions and practices . Everywhere I go , I 'm programmed to bring food as a thank you , to contribute , etc . Food is such a large part of the Italian culture ; however , in America you don 't have the walking , farming , general physical exercise you would gain in Italy . Therefore , it contributes to weight gain . It 's so much harder to make healthy choices when there are no healthy choices around . It 's also considered " rude " to say no thank you to things , so you feel obligated to put it in your mouth . Food is very much part of the social experience , and it is difficult to opt into healthy options when you are surrounded by people that do not choose the same . Then , you don 't want to be thought of as " weird " or " different , " so you choose to participate , which only reinforces the same messages and beliefs that got me to 253 pounds in the first place . Now , it 's about standing up to the " norm " and setting boundaries with others , including friends and family , that preserve my health and wellness . I am the Clinical Director of an outpatient mental health facility . In the state of Illinois , I am a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor , and I absolutely believe my weight undermines my ability to effectively counsel people . I think it tells my clients that I cannot handle my own stuff , and , if I can 't do it neither can they . I think my weight is a walking billboard of how much I need help and how unwilling I am to deal with my issues . Again , if I cannot deal with my own issues , how am I supposed to help other people deal with theirs . Shouldn 't I practice what I preach ? I don 't notice that it has been a problem ; in fact , most clinicians in our clinic are overweight . However , I also know that most counselors become counselors in order to learn how to deal with their issues or to focus on helping others so they do not want to help themselves . I believe that I have come a long way in my recovery , but I also believe I have a lot of work left to do . By actively working on myself and striving to improve , I think I 'm showing others that it is possible , we are all human , and we all have our own struggles that we can overcome . What is it like being overweight ? How does it affect your everyday life ? How exhausting is it ? It 's horrible being overweight . It 's like carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders and being unable to take it off . It 's shaming and debilitating . You feel like an outcast , and you work hard to preserve the identity you have outside of your weight . It makes you a little defensive because you always think people are going to judge you based on your weight . In other ways , it is a comfort . It is a pass to feel invisible and fly under the radar . No one notices you , and it gives you the freedom to continue to deal with things the ways you have always dealt with things ( read food ) , and gives you room to not be criticized . It also keeps you in your comfort zone ; you don 't have to change if no one notices . You also constantly compare yourself to others ; very much the dreamer and not the doer . My weight is always one of the first things I think about in the morning . I 'm always asking my wife if I look fat in my clothes . I am conscious of everything I do , because I do not want others to judge me based on my weight . I may chose not to do things , such as going out with groups , because of my weight . Also , I do not like to eat with others , especially if I am eating something unhealthy . This started fairly recently , but now I am very self - conscious of it . It is very exhausting everyday to play mind games with yourself . Does this person not like me because I 'm fat ? Is this person going to take me seriously because I 'm fat ? Do they really like me or are they just nice to me because they feel sorry for me ? These mind games are detrimental to my mental health , so I ignore it , go to McDonalds , and shove greasy food in my face until I go to sleep so I don 't have to deal with it . It 's a vicious cycle . But , it 's more mentally exhausting to break the cycle because then you constantly have to think about it . It 's just easier to ignore it and continue putting crap in your face until you die of a heart attack . Not really , but that is what my actions say . I 'm committed to making my thoughts and my actions match . What are all the thing you missed out on being overweight ? There 's nothing I can think of that I intentionally did not do because of my weight . However , I think there are things I unintentionally avoid because I am overweight . Thinking about it , I think I have missed out on fully living life . I don 't do adventurous things . I missed hiking in the mountains , running on the beach , snorkeling , just being outside and learning the benefits of a good walk or fresh air because there were things I never did . It feels like there is this whole other side of life that I haven 't experienced because I 've never been exposed because I 'm overweight . I think I just aimlessly went through life not really paying attention to what I could or could not do . There were things that just " weren 't meant for me " or that didn 't really " interest me " because they seemed like dreams , and things like that don 't happen to people like me . I guess by " people like me " I meant fat people . Unconsciously . And , I don 't know that I 'm fully aware of all of the things I missed out on because I am overweight . I want to be adventurous . I want to go on hikes , zipline , be able to do physical things and ENJOY them . I remember when I was in Europe , I climbed to the top of the Vatican and did all of the things I wanted to do ; however , I was always concerned about my weight and comparing myself to other people . I want to run 5Ks and 10Ks ( the Disney Princess half marathon is on my bucket list ) . I just want to be active and not do activities that involve food . I think simply living is difficult at this weight . Again , from all of the emotional stuff you worry about , it takes a toll on you . I 'm always self - conscious and never think I look good in what I wear . I barely look at myself in the mirror , I don 't like to get dressed in front of my wife ( even though she always tells me I 'm beautiful ) , and I don 't like to eat in front of other people . I 'm even self - conscious during sex because of my weight . I can do most of my daily life without noticing my weight . Sitting in my car is tight , buckling my seatbelt at a airport is difficult , going up long flights of stairs is difficult . Again , I don 't have a very active or very interesting life , so I guess I wouldn 't notice my weight a whole lot . I mean , I 've built my life around not noticing my weight and only now am I waking up to smell the coffee . Does weight interfere with your life as a person in a relationship ? Yes and no . My wife is overweight , which means there is a comfort in that because we can be overweight together and accept each other . This also means we enable each other ; we keep each other fat . I think that means we don 't introduce new things into the relationship . We have just started being active together , and we notice that we are much happier and feel much closer when we are engaging in a more active lifestyle . My self - consciousness with my weight prevents me from being affectionate with my wife . I think weight interferes with growing our relationship . We spend so much more time together when we are active , which develops our relationship even further . Right now , it 's the elephant in the room and we don 't really talk about it , but we know it would be for the best . When we are sedentary , our relationship stays sedentary as well . It prevents me from being my best self in our relationship , which isn 't fair to me or my wife . What would it mean to you to be at a healthy weight ? I don 't know that I 've ever thought of myself being at a healthy weight . I know I should if I 'm really serious about this weight loss journey , but I don 't know that I 've ever truly thought about it . It would mean that I reclaimed my life , that I took something I never thought I could do and I did it . It means I will live to grow old with my wife , it would mean I changed the pattern of my family and their way to manage emotions and food . It would mean that I have found inner peace . There are also a lot of superficial things it would mean . It would mean I can shop at any store I want , all of the boutiques and things I look at ; I could actually purchase clothes from there . It means I would not think about my weight or if people are judging me because of my weight . It would mean that I don 't have to worry about my health or if I 'm going to develop diabetes or die of a heart attack at a young age . I have never been thin . I 've been thinner , but I have always been overweight . I 've never lost the weight because I 've been in denial about the weight . I don 't think I paid much attention to what I could / need to do about the weight and just subscribed to the fact that this is my life . I tried to minimize the impact of my weight , said that it wasn 't a whole lot of weight gain . I remember when I weight less than 200lbs . I remember the first time the scale said 200lbs , and I promised never to go over 200 . Little did I know is three or four more years I would weight almost 300 pounds . I also think , subconsciously , I thought I would be the outcast in my family . That my family would think I 'm " too good " for them and they would not love me / like me / want to be around me . So , I didn 't lose the weight . I didn 't want to abandon my family . It then became a pattern , a lifestyle , and changing habits is much more difficult than anyone would like to admit . Describe your diet from the minute you wake up to the minute you go to sleep . Currently , I wake up and eat an Attain bar before I workout , I work out and drink a shake . Sometimes I blend spinach and fruit smoothies with protein powder , sometimes I make a simple protein shake . That usually holds me over until lunch , where I make some sort of salad or bring a frozen dinner . If I have meal prepped over the weekend , we eat what I have prepped , which usually comes from a Beachbody meal plan , skinny taste . com , or other healthy meals I found on pinterest . When I fail to plan is usually when I don 't make healthy choices . I run through a fast food joint ( and justify it because this is the " last day " or it is " just this one week " or " just this one day , " which is always a lie ) . if I forget to plan lunch , I go out to lunch . The problem is , I make unhealthy choices because this is going to be the exception to the rule when I forget my lunch and I can indulge " just this once " or whatever justification I chose to tell myself . But , it 's always based on lies . Posted by This week in Bible study , we discussed Ruth 2 : 1 - 23 . In this passage , Ruth goes to a local farm to green the harvest , and she unknowingly stumbled upon the farm of a ( distant ) relative . because of her consistency in her faith , her relative , Boaz , showed her tremendous kindness and compassion . We discussed how nothing happens for no reason , it is all part of God 's plan . God sent Ruth to the farm , who " just happened " to be owned by a relative . This is evidence of God working in our lives , and how trusting in God and living God 's word consistently will " pay off " in the end . The concept of God 's Plan is a difficult one for me . I constantly want to be in control and to know what and when things are happening . When I feel out of control is when I turn to food , because that is often what I can control . Often , the food is not good quality and is very unhealthy . That 's why I 'm 253 . 8 pounds . . . because I feel out of control a lot . Eating and " stuffing it down " is a lot easier than admitting I feel out of control , I 'm scared , and I need to talk it out or time to figure stuff out . It 's about learning how not to rely on food anymore . I 've always been overweight . With all of the crazy stuff I endured as a kid , I think food was my mom 's comfort , and therefore became my comfort . I remember we used to go to Burger King everyday after school and I would order a chicken sandwich meal . We ate out A LOT , which I think is why it 's so difficult for me to get into the habit of eating at home . However , my weight got really out of control when I came out as a lesbian . My family has conservative values , my wife 's family has super conservative values , and it was difficult for me to express myself . So , I ate , and I ate , and I ate . All of this stuffing stuff down is ( quite literally ) killing me . So , I know that I need to follow God 's plan and put all of my trust in Him to guide me and know that everything is going to work out exactly the way it is supposed to . Since I have been trying to practice that and do constructive things to manage my strePosted by I am completely stocked over my results this week . This was my week to play around until our new programs came in , so I wasn 't really expecting to have lots of results . However , I lost FIVE POUNDS ! ! That 's amazing to me . I haven 't been this weight since the beginning of February . While I am not particularly proud of that , I am glad that I am beginning to get my life on track and make effective decisions for my current and future self . It also makes me want to keep going . I have started a new book by J . D Roth , the creator of The Biggest Loser and Extreme Weight Loss . He discussed the concept of having a window and a mirror . The window is for you to dream from , to figure out what you want from this life and to go after it . The mirror is for you to take an honest , hard look at who you are now . This is why he has the contestants weigh in with the shirt off . He suggests to take a picture and use it as motivation . This is not a shaming tactic , but something to be used as motivation , to remember that unhappy person and commit to never going back there again because you are better than that . . . I am better than that . Since this is my ( kind of ) official before stats as I start 21 Day Fix Extreme tomorrow , what better way to commit to myself than by posting my " before " pictures . They 're not pretty , and I 'm embarrassed by them . I created this blog to have a safe place to talk about my fitness journey and deal with the food , the workouts , and the emotional stuff because I don 't want to share this with my extended family and friends . My wife is incredibly supportive , and I have a friend I talk to about it occasionally ; however , weight has been a sensitive subject in my family my whole life . It is one of those things we just don 't talk about . So , here it is . . . for the world to look at and find : First and foremost , I have been working out consistently for about a week now , and I feel SO MUCH BETTER ! It 's amazing how getting some exercise can improve my mental clarity , stress level , energy level , and overall functioning . It definitely makes me sad to think it took me so long for me to get in order and start to take care of myself the way I deserve to be taken care of ( and in a way no one but me can take care of me ) . I noticed the effects almost immediately . It took a couple of days , but I definitely notice it . I hope that I don 't go back to the place I was . Speaking of working out , Insanity Max 30 wasn 't working . I couldn 't do a lot of it , and I would get discouraged . So , I stopped . The problem with this is it came with a slew of negative self talk . I was a quitter , I was a for slob who has ruined her body . . . yeah , I 'm not very nice to myself sometimes . However , I realized that I need to meet myself where I am at , and I am not yet ready to do Insanity max 30 . I convinced my wife to use some Amazon credit we have and purchase 21 Day Fix Extreme and Focus T25 . I researched these programs and found out they were still challenging , but were more doable than Max 30 . I have done Focus T25 before and gotten awesome results , and I have heard amazing things about Autumn and the 21 Day Fix . While I was waiting for these programs to arrive , I Cized it up and did some Zumba ! I LOVE Cize ! ! It is so much fun , and you never know that you are exercising . However , this workout was much more difficult than I remember . This was the first day I woke up at 5am to workout , and I took a small break in the middle just to sit on the floor I was so tired . It was awful , but I got through it . Seriously , this is one of my favorite programs , and if I didn 't believe so much in strength training I would do this all of the time . Tuesday , I found a 20 minute Zumba DVD . It was hard because it moved fast , and I hadn 't done these moves / anything from this program before . However , I took as many steps and burned almost as many calories as Cize , so I know I was doing something . The worst feeling is feeling like you 're watching a workout DVD because you have no idea what 's going on . But , it was fun and I 'm excited to explore more of the DVDs when I have the time . Today , I did Pilates Fix Extreme from 21 Day Fix Extreme . It was a lot of fun , and most definitely a workout to do with shoes ( I usually workout barefoot ) . You spend the whole workout in the resistance band . You also spend most of the workout on the floor . It was a good resistance workout , and I like Autumn . I mean , she 's no Shaun T . . . but she 's comfortably in second ( or third if you count Jillian ) . I 'm just going through the rest of the week with the program , and we are going to officially start the program on Monday . I 'm excited going forward to see what results come from this . My goal is to be in the 230 's when I go see my doctor . . . that will be the least I have weighed in a LONG time . Follow me on IG @ themeproject3 , and leave comments with your favorite workout this week ! ! Posted by I will be honest , it has been incredibly difficult for me to get motivated . I feel like I 'm stuck in a rut , and I can 't seem to muster up enough motivation to lay down the kitty litter to get the car out of the ditch . I think I have tried and not succeeded so many times that I don 't know what Im ' doing wrong and thing that I am just spinning my wheels . I think the most important thing has been others . I know I do much MUCH better when my wife is on board . Also , I know it is easier when I am connected to others , such as going to Zumba , participating in support groups . The key is to participate in these groups . You only get out of them what you put in , and I have not always put in a lot . I need to work on using the group when I am struggling . I have been following Laura Dalpini on IG . I first heard her story on Shaun T 's podcast . In a nutshell , she was going nowhere fast in Wichita , KS and decided to leave and couch surf across the United States . she ended up going south then up to New York . While in New York , she randomly auditioned for the CIZE test group and made it . She became a Beachbody coach and is spreading the word of being th best you . What connects me to her is she and I share similar stories . We have similar starting weights , she is strong in her Faith and I am trying to find it , and we both want to inspire others with our stories . The difference is she has the " guts , " and I am trying to find mine . That 's who I want to be at the end of my journey . . . skinny , confident , taking risks , and strong in my mind and in my Faith . Follow her on Instagram @ lauradalpini . She 's amazing . Shaun T is another motivator of mine . I love his workouts ( even though some of them are hard ) . He is always pushing the envelope and coming up with new and different things . Cize is my favorite , just because I LOVE to dance , but I 'm a fan of Focus T25 and Insanity . He is incredibly motivating and makes you believe you can do it , no matter your fitness level . There is no shame in taking a break or getting moves wrong . His workouts are my favorite . . . even over Jillian Michaels . And , everyone knows I 'm a big Jillian Michaels fan . The other thing that is motivating me is my doctor 's appointment in a month . She knows I 'm on this weight loss journey , and I have not seen her in a while . I asked for a refill on some medication , and she called and said she wants to see me . So , I want to weigh less than when I saw her a while ago . Now , I 'm on a mission . Hopefully that will help me develop some good habits that will continue beyond my doctor 's appointment . Until then , my doctor 's appointment will have to be enough . Posted by Part of my journey to becoming the best me is developing my spiritual side . In order to do this , I go to Bible study every Tuesday with a few friends , and I am reading a book called Rediscovering Jesus : An Invitation . I am going to put all of my reflections for the week into one post so I don 't overwhelm everyone with spiritual posts . In bible study , we are reading the Book of Ruth . We only read one chapter at a time , and this week was week one . It is interesting to read about a woman who is so devoted to her family that she , despite pleas to do otherwise , stayed with her mother and law and sacrificed her changes of finding a husband and settling down herself . As my wife and I are in the middle of making decisions about employment , moving , and ultimately where we want to be , I think there is a take away lesson for me to be less selfish and to think about the needs of my wife as well . She was recently offered a good offer that would require her to move away and us to be apart for a while . She turned it down . As much as I believe that is what is best for her ( she is in the middle of a doctorate ) and for us ( I just started my new job ) , I feel a lot of guilt . We talked about it , and my wife agrees this is what is best , does not think it would be good for her or for the new institution ; however , I still feel a little guilty . Throughout this process , I have had such a difficult time letting God take control and trusting that things will workout exactly the way they are supposed to . That 's the challenge , which is why I know I need to work on learning about and allowing Jesus into my life . The book , Rediscovering Jesus , reads like a devotional . It is divided into short chapters , and I read a chapter each night . It has been an introduction to Jesus and his teachings . It discusses the " Jesus question , " which is " who do you say that Jesus is ? " The author of the book surmises that Jesus is an invitation to know God . I think this is an interesting , and accurate , way to conceptualize God . When I think of my answer to the JesusLauren Christina Today is the day I put my " stats , " or my weight and measurements out there to be able to track my progress through the journey . I didn 't do this last week , so this is my first week , which is probably for the best because I did not do so well this week . I worked out four out of five days , and I only did Max 30 twice . My wife and I talked about it and decided Max 30 probably isn 't the best program to start with , so we bought 21 Day Fix Extreme and Focus T25 . I think she would be happy with just cardio , but I need some strength training too ! I wanna get toned . The new programs should be here Tuesday , so I am just going to plan to exercise next week and get started on a program the first week of May . To know how far you 've gone , you have to know where you started . So , here are the starting stats . I know this post is coming super late , but at least I am posting . That 's progress for me . This week has been super hard for some reason , even though I feel like I 've started with smaller goals . my only two goals were to not eat fast food and complete the first week of Insanity : Max 30 . So , I thought I would reflect on my week so far . . . Day 1 : I could not get my ass out of bed ( you 'll notice this is a theme throughout the week ) . So , I committed to working out after work . . . AND I DID ! That 's pretty good for me . I thought I worked out pretty hard , and I was okay with myself . However , today I don 't think that I pushed to my max . I did the plyo as long as I could and then did the modification . Even with this strategy , I maxed out at minute 4 . I 'm not very happy about that , but I guess there 's no where to go but up , right ? My food was also pretty on point this day as well . I had a shake , a health choice frozen meal , and grilled chicken with veggies . Day 2 : I still could not get my ass out of bed . However , unlike the previous day , I couldn 't work out after work . Instead , I ate pizza hut with my wife ( I had the veggie one , but I had a lot of it ) and then went to Bible study . I did have a salad for lunch though . The one thing I was kind of disappointed with was that I wasn 't sore . That makes me think I didn 't dig as deep as I could have ( or I have awesome vitamins , but I 'm pretty sure it 's the latter ) . Bible study was nice though . We started the Book of Ruth . Day 3 ( TODAY ! ) : Today was a combination of day 1 and 2 . I couldn 't get my ass out of bed ( who is surprised ) . I DID workout after work today , and I pushed myself harder . I reached my peak heart rate for 6 of the 30 minutes . Those in and out abs and squat lunges killed me though . I ate the rest of my pizza for lunch , a salad for dinner . . . then my wife showed me her secret stash of ice cream sandwich cookies . UGH . . . . Tomorrow , I 'm going to get my ass out of bed . I am going with my supervisor to a meeting tomorrow , so Im not sure what eating will look like . If anything , I 'm starting to make better choices and am holding myself more accountable than I have previously . We will see how this progresses . This is , what feels like , the millionth time I 've tried to " start " my journey to being a " better me . " Furthermore , this is the twelfth millionth time I 've tried to blog about it . My name is Lauren ; I 'm about 120lbs overweight ; I am an emotional eater ; I can 't seem to break the cycle . I have enough insight to know I need some kind of accountability . Therefore , I 've created this blog , an Instagram account , and am on a couple of accountability groups on Facebook . Really , I need to get my shit together before I turn 30 . I want to be around for my wife , my family , and my friends . I want to be the best me possible ; I don 't want to be self - conscious anymore . This means I need to exercise , eat better , and work on me , hence " the me project . " So , I 'm committing to 30 days of Insanity : Max 30 . If I can make it 30 days , I can develop a habit . Thirty days sounds attainable . I plan to post on my accountability groups and on Instagram ; therefore , " people " know that I am doing it and can hold me accountable ( or ask questions ) should I not post . Along with this comes eating better . I know if I plan out and prep my meals on the weekend , I will be successful . Therefore , this is also part of the 30 day accountability plan . In addition to social media , I plan on having segments on my blog called " Workout Wednesday " and " Foodie Friday ; " that way , people can see what I think of exercising , what I 'm eating , and have accountability for me . Also , I want to do " STATurday " so I can track my progress . Additionally , I 'm attending Bible study on Tuesdays with a group of friends and am trying to get my soul taken care of as well . So , I may post some reflections on what I 'm doing as well in effort to sort out my thoughts . Essentially , this blog is going to document my journey , my life . It 's going to give me somewhere to put all of the stuff that I don 't feel like I can say to my friends . I think that 's a big part of the problem ; my weight has been shamed for so long that I don 't want to talk about it to anyone . Therefore , I 'm going to start with strangers ; hopefully along the way I will become more courageous , make new friends , and grow stronger in my journey . I 'm the caterpillar ; I want to change into the butterfly ; the time is now .
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Even if you can list all of your goals for the New Year , could you really stick to them ? If you fail , will the whole year be a loss ? Of all the pressures that come with the closing and opening of a year , which are the post important ? If you chose the last answer , the first place you 'll want to go for resolutions is the Bible . Of the things God requires of us , there are a couple passages that jump out at me this New Years Eve . Micah 6 : 8 The verse above brings to mind the word " faithfulness . " When we think about it , faith has a lot to do with faithfulness . " But without faith it is impossible to please Him . " One beautiful thing about this is , if we heed the following verses , the previous will take care of itself . Matthew 22 : 37 - 39 Love means a lot of things . Commitment , sharing , hurting , guarding , living . But most of all love is sacrifice . My personal New Year 's resolution is to be more disciplined in all areas of my life . But in the likely event that I fail , it is a comfort to know that if I love God , which in itself helps me love others , I will have pleased God . And that is true success . This post has been sitting on my hard drive as a jumbled first draft since July . Finally had time to get it out and revise a couple days ago . Hope you enjoy ! in her throat and flicked a red - and - yellow sand fly from her arm . She gathered silver strands from her vision and tucked them back in her braid . " It 's probably because of her , the beginning . If we had not brought in all these kinds of people , the young men wouldn 't have thoughts of anyone but Moses prophesying . These other cultures , other ideas … Aaron nodded , " I 've had the same thoughts , Sister . Is Moses the only one qualified ? " She swallowed and cleared her throat , voice gravelly and a bit dry . " We were with the people , among them as dark speeches . My servant Moses is not so , who is faithful in all mine house . With him will I speak mouth to mouth , even apparently , and not in dark speeches ; and the similitude of the LORD shall he behold : wherefore then were ye not afraid to speak against my servant Moses ? " pleas to God for her faded as her punishment became clear . An outward symbol of her self - righteous ambitions and disrespect for God 's plan of authority . She was banished to spend a week grew weary of the sight of her own skin and the agony the ministrations caused . Seven days to remember God 's favor and long for it once more . Deep in her heart she wondered why it was only her and not Aaron who had been judged . But when He first called Moses , God had allowed that Aaron be his helper . Not her . She had desired the man 's place of leadership as God said Eve would after the fall of man . And may - hap God had appeared before Aaron , as was the custom , and after he declared her clean , she came back into the congregation . Blessed be the Lord . He did not forsake his Not long after Miriam 's example of leprosy , four men , Korah , Dathan , Abiram , and On , rebelled against Moses ' leadership and the Lord caused the earth to " split apart under them , and the earth opened its mouth and swallowed them up , with their households and all the men with Korah , with all their goods . So they and all those with them went down alive into the pit ; the earth closed over them , and they perished from among the congregation . " God takes it seriously when we speak against the leadership He has ordained . As women , we need to guard our words . Especially words about those whom God has chosen to be our authority - - our husbands , fathers , pastors . " She openeth her mouth with wisdom ; and in her tongue is the law of kindness . " Proverbs 31 : 26 Blackberries . Mosquito bites . Homemade ice cream . Water hose fights . Sleeping under a fan at night . Winter 's stars weren 't quite this bright . - - NDM I love summer , but to me it 's the busiest of times . In light of that , I 'll not be posting fiction for the next couple months . However , I will write something . It may be sentimental , instructional , devotional , or comical , who knows ? ; ) Also , we 'll begin posting on the first Thursday of the month , instead of Friday , and see how that goes . Today , we have quotes from the insightful , fire - refined Elisabeth Elliot . After reading her book Passion and Purity for the first time last month , I was convicted , encouraged , affirmed , and challenged . I wanted to share a bit of that with you , so here are a few quotes : " Wait on God . Keep your mouth shut . Don 't expect anything until the declaration is clear and forthright . " " I do know that waiting on God requires the willingness to bear uncertainty , to carry within oneself the unanswered question , lifting the heart to God about it whenever it intrudes upon one 's thoughts . Its easy to talk oneself into a decision that has no permanence - easier sometimes than to wait patiently . " " I realized that the deepest spiritual lessons are not learned by His letting us have our way in the end , but by His making us wait , bearing with us in love and patience until we are able to honestly to pray what He taught His disciples to pray : Thy will be done . " " If we hold tightly to anything given to us unwilling to allow it to be used as the Giver means it to be used we stunt the growth of the soul . What God gives us is not necessarily " ours " but only ours to offer back to him , ours to relinquish , ours to lose , ours to let go of , if we want to be our true selves . Many deaths must go into reaching our maturity in Christ , many letting goes . " ― Elisabeth Elliot true . She became an outlaw when she and Amram hid their child from the Pharaoh . To be born male and Hebrew under the reign of Thutmose I carried a death of the two paths into the delta . Her heart rode each eddy until her three - month - old was out of sight . Wide - fanned papyrus aided her concealment as she followed in that direction , It is widely believed that her son Moses ' stepmother was Hatshepsut , the only female Pharaoh . Opposite to the story of Hannah , about whom I almost wrote this month 's post , Jochebed gave her most precious possession to the Lord , and He graciously returned the child to her keeping . I can 't imagine her joy at being allowed to care for her son , who she thought was lost to her forever . Would that we all were so willing to trust God with the things we hold closest to our hearts . P . S . For interesting info . on the rulers in Egypt during that time , see the following link : http : / / www . bible . ca / archeology / bible - archeology - exodus - date - 1440bc . htm . ( I 'm not saying all of it is true . I haven 't thoroughly researched the Pharaohs . It was , however , very interesting to read . ) Knowing the contents of the letter , she watched the faces of others as they heard his admonitions for the first time . That the power of God could bring a group of this number together , unified in the service of Christ , filled her with fresh wonder . " The love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost . . . " Paul wrote . Her mind journeyed back to the time she 'd first witnessed that love . . . She 'd told Simon they 'd wait on him . And they would . But sunset wouldn 't . He 'd said he had an errand to run , that he 'd be back soon . As soon as she stepped onto the main street , swarming people rushed her from all sides . Important people . High priests along with Roman soldiers . No wonder Simon wasn 't home . The unyielding crowd dragged her into its flow to the edge of town . She searched each face . Then she saw him . He turned , but not toward her . Soldiers confined him from all sides . Fear rose up to strangle her . No . Surely he wasn 't the cause of this uproar . What could they want with him ? She pressed her way forward , but lost sight of them . Without notice , the capricious sea of people thrust her into the open . She scrambled backward from the scene that met her . The bloody form of a pain - snagged body stumbled toward her and up the hill against a silver sky . A splintered cross rode the man 's shoulders , rubbing raw flesh against his seamless , blood - soaked tunic . Jesus of Nazareth ? She 'd heard the name many times since coming to Jerusalem . He claimed to be the Messiah . Had done many miracles in the name of God . All she 'd ever done against the will of God pressed in on her in that moment . And in that moment , none of the deeds of the law - - deeds she 'd done to escape judgement , seemed sufficient . She wanted to run . Run from the forgiveness in his eyes . From the kindness there . She didn 't understand it . She didn 't deserve it . Her heart twisted in impossible pain . Had she imagined it ? She believed she had , but saw it again briefly before the solders shouted and pushed him on . A tiny pressing together of the lips . Her soul strings hummed Alleluias and also wept for His grief . Then doubt whispered . How could a dying man save the Jews and overthrow the Romans ? What was Jehovah doing ? Her mouth responded before thought and the smile Jesus had given her she gave to her husband . He looked confused and concerned , almost about to speak , but the soldiers gave him no time . He hoisted the cross higher . When Simon returned , exhausted as she , they continued with the Passover ritual . Her husband 's blade drew dark red streams and as soon as the lamb stilled , her body collapsed in tearful anguish . They carried her from the room to her bed . The only phrase she could mutter was , " It should have been me . It should have been me . " Nava blinked at Alexander . They were still at meeting . She looked down to where his hand clasped hers and a tear fell from her eye to land on his . Three days after His burial , Jesus " was raised again for our justification " as dear Paul wrote in his letter . He 'd come back to life by His own power . Roman authorities had paid to silence the truth . But twenty years later , the evidence of His resurrection still affected the world . She , her husband , and her sons all served Him openly now and Alexander and Rufus were leading many to the Way . She closed her eyes and let His blessed peace wash over her . He lives . He 's alive forever . And someday very soon she would be with Him . * Nava is a pseudonym , as there is no mention of her name in the Bible . She is mentioned in Romans 16 : 13 and her husband and sons are referenced in Mark 15 : 21 . Not much is known about her except that she loved Paul as one of her own sons and her husband carried the cross of Jesus . I thought it might be interesting to view the precedent of Easter through her eyes . " You put what in my dough ? ! " A woman squeaked . An old woman . I stopped and searched the village street , the sun making one peachy - white glowscape out of everything . Noisy wind whipped dust and hair into my eyes . No one was there . The response was mumbled and full of persuasion . It came from the hut I 'd just passed . A wail groaned out of the house and I came closer to peak through the darkened door . A woman , not over five feet , propped her basket heavily on a worktable with her other hand to her forehead . Another figure stood next to her , wrist deep in a bowl of … something . She was taller , but only by a couple inches . " I knew this would happen . I go to the market this morning , am not gone for more than two breaths and you manage to ruin my famous raisin cakes . " The shadowy house vibrated with a barked rebuttal . " I did not ruin them , Euodius ! Now , put in the raisins you brought from market or else I 'll have to use these week - old dates . The batter is ready to bake and the coals , they have cooled too long already . " Euodius ? I remembered that name from Paul 's writings . Euodias and Synteche , women from the church here in Philippi who could not get along . " Today 's meeting will be held in our house and we should serve refreshments that are full of flavor , " the dough - covered woman continued , " I couldn 't have the elders bite into a bland cookie . " " My cakes are not bland ! I have Brother Paul 's word on that one , Synteche - - you remember how many he ate when he was here . " " And you might try remembering how he recorded our names and our discord in his only letter to - " I sneezed . Both women looked up , Synteche 's dough covered finger two raisin lengths from Euodius ' nose . A clod of grainy dough plopped to the table . I shrugged . Too late to back up . Ignoring my uncouth interruption , the woman named Euodius waddled to me , took my hand and pulled me in . " You there , come and be the judge betwixt us . " Her fuzzy white head bobbed ahead of me until we were toe to toe with Synteche in the dim " It was fifteen years before we spoke again . Oh , we still gathered faithfully with the church , but I think it did more harm than good . " Euodius cocked her head at me and wagged a finger . " I would have you to know , our frivolous feuding caused more trouble for our dear church from inside than any outsider could have made . Once word burned through the town that the church quaked with disharmony , the number of souls saved and added to our gathering diminished daily . No one is convicted by a Christian 's life which is not separated to God . Faith that doesn 't make a change in us , doesn 't make a difference in others . Our testimonies as individuals and as a church were quenched for a time . It is a very serious thing to cause discord in Christ 's beloved church . The Lord hates it , Proverbs says . " ( Proverbs 6 : 16 - 19 ) " Oh , look . " Syntyche smoothed back her coiled hair . " there is Brother Amyntas , coming over the hill . " Euodius turned to me . " Won 't you stay for the assembly ? " Synteche checked the cakes . " Yes , please do . " " I had better be on my way , but thank you . " " Are you not a follower of Christ ? " The ladies looked on me for the first time with fear and distrust . They must have often had spies from the outside , seeking to destroy the church . " Yes , but it is still early I have other believers to meet with today . Please give my greetings to your congregation . " The ladies seemed relieved at that and hustled to wrap two raisin cakes for me . Brother Amyntas spoke courteously as I passed and I already missed the quaint duo he would soon see . After a moist whiff of cinnamon and cloves , I pulled out a cake for a mouthwatering nibble . Mmmm . Toothsome baking like this showcased the tangy flavor of lifelong experience . Their gift of example by repentance and efforts of unity , however , held just as sweet a savor . Phil 2 : 3 - 5 " Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory ; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves . Look not every man on his own things , but every man also on the things of others . Let this mind be in you , which was also in Christ Jesus : Do all things without murmurings and disputings : That ye may be blameless and harmless , the sons of God , without rebuke , in the midst of a crooked and perverse nation , among whom ye shine as lights in the world ; " I Cor . 1 : 10 " Now I beseech you , brethren , by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ , that ye all speak the same thing , and that there be no divisions among you ; but that ye be perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment . " Romans 15 : 5 - 6 " Now the God of patience and consolation grant you to be likeminded one toward another according to Christ Jesus : That ye may with one mind and one mouth glorify God , even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ . " In John 17 : 20 - 21 , Jesus said , speaking of his disciples , " Neither pray I for these alone , but for them also which shall believe on me through their word ; That they all may be one ; as thou , Father , art in me , and I in thee , that they also may be one in us : that the world may believe that thou hast sent me . " " That the world may believe . . . " Ropes cut and burned Gomer 's wrists and dragged her toward the auction block . With an anonymous shove to her shoulder , she stumbled onto the sandstone cube . Sunlight bleached her vision yellow - white and torpid winds broiled her shaven nakedness , but she didn 't possess the dignity to care . She gloried in the shame of her position , but desired it to be less bearable , more degrading , and … darker . It was less punishment than she deserved . As her eyes adjusted , crowds of pale voices deepened into faces debauched with greed and rapacity . More than a hundred gathered near to see the spectacle - - the prophet 's wife sold as a slave of prostitution . The auction agent began the bidding at 5 pieces of silver . So low ? She laughed . Her reward was a bruising blast of the slave guard 's hand in her face . One foot slipped from the block and his whip to her nape reinstated her previous perch . Her Baalite lovers had bought her more expensively than these men would ever ascend to afford . Even Hosea valued her more than this … Murmured bids droned low and thoughts of her husband rushed near . Her chest caved with memories of their home and children . Lowly as she 'd esteemed it , there had never been want . Even her lovers ' rich corn and new wine did not compare to the provisions for her in Hosea 's house . Blisters threatened her scalp before the price rose to 9 silver pieces . If a sale were not made promptly , the sun would soon end it all . As much as her charred conscience craved the punishment of dehydration and death , the sapless life in her could not be ignored . She thirsted intensely for a sip of water . It didn 't have to be cool or fresh , just moist . She heard footsteps but her grit - filled eyes refused to open . Gomer dropped her head back to face the red - orange glow of sky . She thought she smelled the rugged - clean scent of Hosea 's robes . It must be a delusion . She laughed again , no one stopping her , and a tear she didn 't know she contained slipped beneath her lid and down into her ear . Even in its current declination her mind wished for him . Eyes flipped wide open , heart crashing into her ribs , Gomer stared into the face of her past - the very best part of it - and something in her melted , then calcified . She held his wary gaze for as long as the window of shock allowed , heart and head slumping when he finally looked to the auction caller . Shame glazed her . He was only here to save himself further dishonor . She was a fool to believe otherwise . Removing his leathern belt , Hosea met her debt with the auctioneer , slung his outer cloak of camel 's hair around her shoulders , and fastened it together . He lead her off the slaver 's platform , he in his under - linen and she fully covered . Every step home was strained . Hosea braced her arms and maneuvered her inside . He closed the door and walked to the middle of the room . " Jezreel works day and night to finish his own home . He will take to wife the goldsmith 's daughter in one week . " The goldsmith 's daughter . Gomer knew this marriage would grieve Hosea . The workman made his living sculpting idols . He was renown for his work on the golden calves of Samaria . Hosea livened the coals in the corner furnace . With a hand to the paddle shaped board against the wall , he shoveled in two braided loaves of challah to warm . It chagrined her to see him do women 's work . Cold trails of stoicism plaited her tightly inside . She 'd corrupted the ones she loved . She looked up . Soon it would be Hosea . Somehow , someway she would lead to his demise as well . Her husband 's regretful eyes pleaded with her , for what she did not know . " Why did you bring me here ? " She choked out . Tears blocked her breathing . The wall her only support , she slid slowly down its cool length with her head to her knees and reached to tunnel trembling hands into her hair - only there was none . She rubbed the razored reminder that she had defied her husband 's protection and chosen a life that would destroy them all . " Why do you want me here ? " She was afraid of his answer . There could be but one . He was punishing her . Gomer 's fingers stilled on her skull . His God wanted her ? Flashes from her participation in sacrifices to Baal singed her subconscious . Was she to be sacrificed then ? Breath fled her chest and her pulse rammed her skin . She tried to remember her journeys with Hosea to the temple . No . Not a sacrifice . Only animals were sacrificed at the temple - - not people . Lambs . Bullocks . Doves . Pidgeons . In an instant Hosea was there , his hands covering hers and moving them aside . Surprise bathed her as his lips warmed a spot on her bare head . He inclined her chin with his fingertips , the angle of their faces forcing her to meet his eyes . She felt more than saw the fear and hesitance in them , as if the words in his mouth held power over him . Gomer searched his eyes frenziedly . Love ? It had been so long since she 'd heard that word . Love . Selflessness . Commitment . They all frightened her . She wasn 't sure she could ever be faithful . What if there was some weakness in her she couldn 't overcome ? What if every time she came upon an old ' friend ' , she would be drawn away ? Hosea 's eyes fell to her mouth . She blushed . What was it about this man that made her feel innocent again ? For years she participated in wickedness with Baalites with only the slightest twinge of conscience . Now , her husband had only to look at her and she went weak . He trailed a hand beneath her ear and closed the distance between them . For one delicate moment , he gave her his lips before the sweet heat of remembrance ignited her response and drove him to pursue her further . His kiss was the first in an age that had not been taken . Yes , she 'd given herself to men in search of riches , the thrill of power , and that something she couldn 't seem to find , but never had she felt that they gave her anything . With deep , halting breaths Hosea tugged her into the warmth of his arms then quickly stood and crossed to the furnace . He scrubbed a hand across his brow and retrieved the golden , fragrant cakes while her breathing calmed . He was giving her time . Something like fresh , sweet cream expanded inside her chest when she realized he didn 't want to rush her or try forcing her love . Still , there was something she must know above anything else . Steaming , amber - glossed bread skidded from the long - handled peel onto the trencher . Hosea set it on the rug next to the reclining pillows and crushed a loaf in two . He snagged a basket from a peg in the pasty wall and lifted out dates , raisins , cheese and oil . Her jaw clenched with the imagining of their rusty - sweet taste . " Come , " he beckoned . When she remained motionless , he sat , gestured to the food , and turned hopeful eyes to her . " Sup with me ? " " You forgive me , then ? " Blood drained from her head . Cool shock painted her face pale . She endeavored not to faint before she heard his answer . It was vain to believe it was so . It was more mercy than any woman ought be allowed . Hosea met her eyes for a long time . She could see it on his face . Part of him still didn 't trust , didn 't want to forgive . Was afraid she would hurt him again . It was the freshest , most honeyed word she 'd ever known . Yes . Even if he didn 't mean it yet , he 'd said it and it gave her hope . Her shoulders shook . She held them rigid to subdue herself , but sobs convulsed her and pushed her forward . His hand gripped hers and pulled her to him . He stilled her so tightly against himself it nearly ended her air supply and her tears dampened his garment , but she didn 't budge . She was safe , so safe . She nestled her head beneath his chin . How strange . Without her dark waves , she sensed the heartbeat in his throat . " My heart is very sore . I 've sinned against you and the God of Israel . How can it ever be as it was ? " " It won 't be . We will have to build anew . But there is something you should learn . " He loosened his arms and lay the backs of his fingers against one swollen eyelid then the next . " It is not our worthiness which merits love . Real love cannot be earned . It is not solicited from the heart of the loved but is chosen by the heart of the lover and cannot be rooted out by guiltiness , hatred , or separation . " Gomer reached for the garments . " You kept them . " The house was silent as she slid from beneath the camel skins and into the soft , delicate attire . No matter how much as she longed for it , changing her clothing did not change the past . But she could make a new beginning . She slipped her hand into her husband 's . She was finally home . Hosea 2 : 14 - 15 & 19 - 20 " Therefore , behold , I will allure her , and bring her into the wilderness , and speak comfortably unto her . And I will give her her vineyards from thence , and the valley of Achor for a door of hope : and she shall sing there , as in the days of her youth , and as in the day when she came up out of the land of Egypt . And I will betroth thee unto me for ever ; yea , I will betroth thee unto me in righteousness , and in judgment , and in lovingkindness , and in mercies . I will even betroth thee unto me in faithfulness : and thou shalt know the LORD . " Our next post will be March 2 , with guests Euodius & Synteche . It should prove interesting . ; ) Thanks for reading ! If you like what you 've read so far , feel free to tell a friend about the Sweet South Blog ! News coming up , but first , I want to say a quick thanks to all who read The Sweet South Blog . Your encouragement to and patience for this novice writer is unspeakably appreciated . : ) I have enjoyed our Fridays together going through the Women of the Bible and look forward to many more . We 've got a few changes coming up . Due to several sweetly urging readers , I 've decided to devote more time to finishing my first manuscript , which is currently hovering in scenic nostalgia until I can put it into words . So , the Encouragement From Women of the Bible series will now be posted only once a month , the first Friday of each month . Next post will go up Friday , Feb . 3 . With Valentine 's Day coming up , our guest will be Gomer , Hosea 's wife . What in the ever - loving - piece - of - heart - confetti does she have to do with St . Valy Day ? Read the post and find out ! : ) I 've run out of your previous suggestions for guests to interview , so I need some feedback from you , dear reader . Below are a few Biblical women who are possible candidates for future posts . If you will let me know from whom you would like to hear , I 'll make those priority . Feel free to suggest any women not mentioned . As I sat next to Rahab and her laundry basket beside the river , I wondered if she ever met her daughter - in - law Ruth . They would probably have had a very special friendship . Rahab , being a gentile ( a gentile harlot no less ) , navigated the deep , murky waters of censure long before Ruth . It 's no wonder Boaz 's heart was tender toward Ruth - his mother was also an outsider . Rahab plunged a tunic into the stream and rubbed it between her hands . The sloshing noise blended with squeals of children who played upriver . " My first impression of the spies ? Well , I knew they were Israelites by their manner of speech , though they tried to hide it . I was an expert at discerning a man 's past and country of origin . The captain of the king 's guard would pay me to keep up with foreign news . Besides the tales I 'd heard of their country and the works of their God , I knew they were a different breed of men when they wanted only a palet for the night and didn 't want to … " She looked up at me then back to the laundry . " To avail themselves of my services . I suppose it was part of their ploy , lodging with a harlot . " When their mission was discovered , the king sent to have them arrested , but I hid them among the heaps of flax lying on my roof and sent the soldiers on a futile chase toward the river . In return for hiding them , I begged the spies to spare my life when their armies came to destroy the city . It was a great , fearful risk - - I would have died if the king found out my plot . But the stories about Israel 's God root bound my heart until it produced something greater than fear . That something was faith . " The spies said if I would bind a scarlet cord in my window to mark the house , all who sought refuge there would be saved alive . " She stopped , then laughed , the soft , clean breeze catching tendrils of her dark hair and rippling the dripping tunic she clutched . " Don 't think it ever crossed my mind . " A surprised laugh puffed passed her lips . " After having thousands of broken , whispered promises , one would think I 'd not have believed . But I did . That is a small miracle in itself . " Rahab bit the inside of her cheek before answering . " After Father died . My mother tried to support the family , but there was never enough . I worried for my brothers and sisters . " She glanced up the stream a ways and lowered her voice . " I was offered an apprenticeship from one of the street women . I figured nothing could be harder than watching your brothers and sisters starve , so I agreed . At first she was kind , offering opium to dull any regrets and protecting me from clients who were known to be cruel . Trusting as I was , it was a long time before I realized she never intended to give me my share of the profit . " I came home to have my mother spit in my face . I worked the streets of the city until I could buy my own house . I kept abreast of my siblings ' care and bribed the merchants , to offer my mother better prices at the market . She would never have accepted the money I made . It broke my heart then , but with a son of my own , I see now her reasons . Boaz , don 't you dare . " I looked up . What was she talking about ? Then I saw him - a boy about twelve making off with the basket . He jerked around , shock on his round face . Then he laughed and came to hug her before running off . " He gets it from his father - - sneaking like a panther . " Rahab smiled and shook her head . " It 's so hard , parenting . Sometimes I don 't know whether to reprimand him or say I 'm proud of his skill . " I couldn 't help but laugh with her before she turned serious . " I think that boy has a great destiny lying before him . But I suppose every mother feels the same . If he does make something special , it will not be because of me , but his father . " She motioned to the field where a big man swung a sickle with surprising quickness and grace . " It sounds so romantic - - falling in love with your rescuer . Did you know you would love him the first time you saw him ? " " Oh , I could tell he noticed me the first time we were in the room together , but my jaded heart mistook it for lust and dismissed him . To me , he was only my way of escaping the judgment of God on the city Jericho . It took me four years to recognize the treasure hidden in Salmon . He has never had overmuch to say , being a man of action - I suppose that 's why Joshua chose him as one of the spies to scout out the city of Jericho - but his heart is deep and tender . Every day of those four years he saw to my needs , built me a tent , brought firewood . . . Sometimes he would bring venison or fur blankets in winter . He would sit by my fire , never saying a word . " At first I supposed he pitied me , since I was lonely and the daughters of the village did not want to be sullied with my presence . I was grateful . Still , in my heart , I kept a distance . Finally , one day , he spoke to me . For so many years , hate and fear of men had been building inside , but with quiet patience Salmon taught me not only his love , but more about God 's as well . " " Mmm . Some . Though I think I will never be truly accepted . Maybe it is punishment for my foolish past . I am content to keep to myself though . My mother once said that nothing good will come from me . I was tainted in her sight . Perhaps she was right . I do not deserve to be blessed as I am . To have a husband who loves me and a fine , healthy son . God has allowed me to have what I never thought would be mine again . A home . A family . I could not ask for more than this . " Even as her voice faded , I sensed a restlessness in her . A deep longing to be more - to touch more , for this God who had given her freedom from herself . If only she knew … Don 't take my word for it , though . My story will most likely contain mistakes . God 's won 't . Read the real story of Rahab and the spies in Joshua chapters 2 - 6 . : ) Down through the ages , Rahab 's name has often been used interchangeably with harlotry or prostitution . Even in the Bible , she is most known for being ' Rahab , the harlot ' . To be honest , I don 't think Rahab ever really lived down her past . The Bible says in Proverbs , " A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches . . . , " but I wonder , in Rahab 's case , if God used the constant reminder of her ' bad name ' and the condemnation of who she once was to shew the world the power of His mercy in redemption . As mentioned before , she is on Biblical record as one of Jesus ' ancestors and also holds the honor of being mentioned by name in Hebrews 11 's ' Hall of Faith ' . The only other woman who shares that privilege is Sarah , Abraham 's wife , but then , that 's another post altogether . Natalie Monk writes historical romance with Southern characters and is currently brainstorming her sixth writing project . She is a member of the American Christian Fiction Writers and is represented by Tamela Hancock Murray of the Steve Laube Agency . A country girl from the time she could shimmy under a string of barbed wire , Natalie makes her home in North Mississippi . She proudly wears the label " preacher 's kid , " and is a homeschool graduate , piano instructor , part - time portrait photographer , certified wedding - planner , and former post hole digger . She loves sweet tea , girl talk ( usually about books ) , porch swings , and watching old movies with her family . Her goal in writing , and in living , is to bring glory to her Savior , Jesus Christ .
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PLEASE NOTE : If you are struggling with infertility or are currently trying to conceive and you DON ' T want to read about my pregnancy ( which I totally understand ) , I recommend starting at the beginning of the blog ( March 2010 ) and reading from there . I find out I 'm pregnant in June 2011 so there is a lot of trying to conceive posts in between that you might find funny , helpful or relatable . Wishing you all the luck in the world ! I have been thinking a lot about what to write as my last blog of 2010 . My first inclination was to title this entry with , " Fuck Off 2010 " but although I still strongly agree with the sentiment , it seemed a tad negative . Just a tad . Then , I was thinking of reviewing all the reasons why this year sucked . The more I thought about that though , the more I realized that it wasn 't really necessary . Not only have many of you lovely , kind , patient people been reading all about my " Year of Suckage " regularly but to recapitulate all the things that went wrong in 2010 seemed too negative and useless . It reminded me of a metaphor I heard years ago . I 'm probably going to tell it wrong so bear with me … but it went like this : If you 're drowning and you have a weight strapped to your ankle keeping you under water , you don 't want to know how much it weighs , you just want to know how to get the damn thing off so you can come up for air . To me , that metaphor ( even as badly as I just relayed it ) is why I didn 't want to do a list of why I hate 2010 . It was not a good year . We all know this . How is it going to help talking about it anymore than I already have ? Also , maybe the old adage is true that if you ignore something , it 'll go away . I think I would like to spend the remaining hours of this unlucky year by ignoring it so that it will , in fact , truly fuck off once and for all . So this leads me to what I do want to talk about . A few days before Christmas , I was doing what I usually do every morning : running to catch the subway . I 'm always late to most everything . I was even born two weeks late . My mother said they were beginning to wonder if I was ever going to come out . I 'm also not a morning person . If someone told me I was going to get the best oral sex of my life but it was scheduled for 6am , I 'd tell them " No thanks " and I 'd sleep in . That 's how much of a morning person I 'm not . As I was half asleep and running down the subway stairs , I was thinking of a million things : the end of the year , if I wrapped that present for my niece , why the homeless wait outside of ATM machines when clearly you don 't have change ( otherwise why would you be at the ATM ? ) and how to fully enjoy the holidays without being able to eat cookies . That 's when suddenly , out of nowhere , I had a realization . I heard a voice in my head say as clear as a summer day , " You 're not the same person you were when you started this year . " It took my breath away . Well , running down the stairs didn 't help but you know what I mean . Something about this realization made me sad . It was like after September 11th , 2001 when everyone kept saying , " Nothing is going to be the same anymore . " I HATED this statement . I knew they were right and I knew they didn 't necessarily mean things were going to be worse but that 's how it felt . As a New Yorker , I was perfectly happy with how everything was before September 11th and the thought of it being altered in any way deeply upset me . In reality , although things have changed , a new " normal " took its place . It 's not better or worse . It 's just different . And I guess that 's how I am now . I 'm not who I was at the start of the year but I 'm not better or worse . I 'm just different . There are parts that are improvements and there are parts that are … well , more damaged I guess . My level of hope ( not to mention my bank account and sex life ) have definitely taken some hits this year but on the positive , I learned how much I can rely on my sense of humor as a source of strength . I 've also learned that there are people out there who sincerely are compassionate , understanding , supportive and generous in ways I 've never thought possible ( yes , I 'm talking about you ) and I 've learned the importance of getting a second opinion as well as naming your uterine polyp simply because it CRACKED me up every time I referred to Jackson Polyp . As much as I 've gained ( and lost ) , there are still a few lessons I struggle with like you can 't plan or worry about things months from now . I 'm not always good at that one as I 'm a very talented worrier but I do try to at least prioritize my worries now . Really - it 's come to that . I make a list of my worries and say , " Ok , I 'll worry about losing weight today and then tomorrow , I 'll worry about getting into a clinical trial for my next IVF ! " Yes my friends ; I 've created a worrying schedule . I 've noticed I 'm a little less social than I was at the beginning of the year ( avoiding people , pregnancy talk or simply choosing to stay home and throw a pity party ) . I 'm also less of a believer in " Things will work out somehow ! " It 's not that I 've lost hope . It 's just that instead of thinking , " Things will work out " , I think " I will find a way to deal with whatever happens . " I don 't know how things are going to work out . I REALLY know that now and they only way I can stay positive these days is not by having confidence in a happy ending , but by having confidence in me and my ability to get through it . If someone put a gun to my head ( and I hope that no one ever does ) and yelled at me , " THINK OF THE MOST POSITIVE LESSON FROM THIS YEAR ! " ( which would be a weird thing for a gun man to say ) , it would be that even though I cried more this year than I can remember in recent history and even though the disappointments were impressively painful and numerous , I survived it . I 'm 20 pounds heavier , thousands of dollars lighter , a bit more cynical and much less optimistic but dammit , I made it through . I 'm like the runner who barely crosses the finish line an hour late , bullet ridden , looking like shit and panting like a dog - but I STILL finished the marathon that was 2010 . If we stick with the 2010 " Marathon Metaphor " one paragraph more - - All of you who have commented or follow me on Twitter or Facebook , have been the ones who have cheered me on and handed me cups of water along the way . I want to take this moment and thank you for that . Making fun of fertility issues by your self is one thing . Having people laugh at it along with you is entirely another . As an occasional comic , I can affirm that one person laughing at their own joke can look strange ( especially if you 're walking down a street alone giggling ) but a group of people laughing together makes the joke that much more funny . I never had a pet growing up . My mom was never a fan of cats or dogs so in turn ; no one in my house was allowed to have one . The closest I ever came to any kind of pet was the goldfish I won at a Fireman 's fair when I was eight years old . The fish died a week later and I quickly moved on . A few years ago , my landlord at the time was this lovely older woman named Mrs . Perez . She had a cat named Athena that had been with her through her divorce , the death of her nephew and her heart attack . Athena was a beautiful , friendly cat who I nicknamed " The Mayor " because she was often seen roaming the hallways checking in on the different tenants . Whenever I saw Athena in the hallway , she 'd rub past my leg as her form of hello and I 'd always smile , say hello back and then go about my business . I had lived there for about four years when I ran into Mrs . Perez in the lobby one day . I asked her how she was and she quickly dissolved into tears . She could barely manage to tell me that Athena had to be put down . They couldn 't figure out what exactly had happened but out of nowhere , the cat stopped eating and was despondent . I felt terrible for Mrs . Perez and hugged her but I couldn 't help but she shocked that someone could get this upset over a cat . I remember vividly her saying to me , " Athena loved me no matter what . No matter what I looked like or what was going on … that cat loved me unconditionally . " When I got married , my husband and I moved out of Mrs . Perez 's building and into a bigger apartment in a family brownstone . It was around this time that we started trying to conceive and obviously , it was not going well . We entered the year 2010 trying inseminations and began planning for our first IVF . Those who read my blog regularly know that 2010 in general has NOT been a kind year to us . We 've had financial issues , doctor drama , fertility disappointments and insurance disasters . At one point this year , our house was even hit by lightning . The one bright spot however was our downstairs neighbor got a kitten named Patches . He was black and white and just had a happy , loving attitude about him . Despite the shelter saying that kittens need time to explore their surroundings to feel comfortable , Patches started coming up to our apartment within a month . We had no idea at the time that he 'd become a part of our daily lives . The neighbor downstairs have several dogs and cats so Sam and I often joked that whenever Patches felt like he needed to be the only pet , he 'd come upstairs and hang out with us . What 's amazing to me is we never fed him . He didn 't come up for food . He solely came up to hang out with us , get some affection and very often , just take a nap without being hassled by the other animals . In a year of so much stress , Patches was a desperately needed source of entertainment and distraction . He also always seemed to know the right time to visit . The afternoon in May that I found out my IVF failed , I was home alone . Patches came upstairs ( you could always hear his tags outside our door whenever he arrived ) and he ended up lying next to me for two hours . We even took a nap together . Whenever my husband would come home after a hard day of work , he 'd always go to our landing and go , " Patches ! You around ? " and Patches would come up the stairs running to see him . Really , if was Patches friend , Sam was Patches best friend for life . The two of them adored each other tremendously . There were even times if Patches saw Sam wasn 't home , he 'd politely leave as if to say , " Love you but let me know when the big guy is back . " A week ago , Patches came up and saw our Christmas tree . We had just put it up and Patches seemed to be in awe . Sam and I realized it was going to be his first Christmas . We were laughing at the way Patches was absolutely freaking out over how cool the ornaments were that hung on the lower branches . He would playfully bat them around and would look at us like , " Seriously ! How cool is this ? ? ? " For the next couple of days , he 'd come by , play with some of the ornaments and then take a nap under the Christmas tree . As much as I 've never been a pet person , I couldn 't help but find his holiday routine utterly adorable . Last night , I was in my bedroom when I heard Sam talking to someone at the door . I assumed it was Patches but as I listed longer , I realized it was our downstairs neighbor . He had come to tell us that Patches passed away . No explanation other than they found him and he was gone . He wasn 't even a full year yet . He never even made it to his first Christmas . Sam thanked our neighbor , shut the door , walked into the bedroom and looked at me . Neither of us said a word . We both began to cry . We continued to cry on and off for the rest of the night . This year has sucked and a part of me feels like somehow , Patches became a causality of our bad luck . It 's like the universe somehow found out that there was something that really helped us this year and made sure to take it away . I know that 's a bit overdramatic and slightly paranoid but what can I say . I 'm hurt that this has happened and I can 't make any sense of it . In my more positive moments , I am sincerely grateful that we had him during a very challenging time . He truly came into our lives when we needed some " unconditional affection " as Mrs . Perez had put it earlier . We have nothing but positive memories of Patches and as sad as I am right now and as pissed at myself as I am for getting so attached , it can 't change how much we loved him . In the middle of the night last night , I couldn 't sleep thinking about all this . I went to our living room , sat on the couch and cried . At one point , I happened to look up at the Christmas tree and for the first time ever in my life , I really got what Mrs . Perez felt about Athena . I really got why people are so heart broken when they lost a pet . Whether I looked like hell , whether I was infertile , whether I was down … no matter what was going on … that cat loved me . I 'm going to miss him more than I can possibly say . Recently , I came across a quote by Friedrich Nietzsche that read , " Hope is the worst of evils , for it prolongs the torment of man . " My first reaction when reading this was , " Wow . That Nietzsche ! What a bummer ! " When struggling through any trying time , no matter the issue , hope is often what I cling to . I hope things work out exactly as I want them to and the promise of that happy ending keeps me going . Hope though , at least in my little fertility challenged brain , can often be confused with total belief and that is where things can get dangerous . I can hope things will work out but I have to remember that hope comes with no guarantees . Hope doesn 't even come with a warranty . I mention this because I 've never been an optimist . For me , the glass isn 't just half empty - - it 's also filled with the entirely wrong beverage . That 's not to say that I 'm a totally negative person . I just tend to prepare for the worst and more often than not , the worst is exactly what I get . However , despite the fact that I 've been trying to accept the possibility that I may never have children , I recently came down with a bad case of optimism . The past cycle was an all around positive one . It was my birthday and Thanksgiving so I was relaxed , happy and well fed . Also , I don 't want to brag but our ' trying to conceive timing ' was spot on . Even the face our Ovulation Prediction Kit was impressed . At least I think that 's what the smile meant . Then , in the last week of my two week wait , I noticed I hadn 't had my usual PMS Symptoms . I started to wonder , " Wow . Could this be it ? Am I finally pregnant ? " Then , the cramps began . Then , the spotting . Optimism over . Blinding pessimism returned . I was actually mad at myself for even entertaining the thought of success . How could I have let myself get that hopeful when nothing ever seems to work ? Damn you hope ! Damn you straight to hell ! The day my period started , I had an all out meltdown . Pajamas , ice cream , any sappy Sandra Bullock movie I could get my hands on and a whole lot of hysterical crying . The next morning , I saw my reproductive endocrinologist and told him about my current state ( minus the Sandra Bullock movies ) . I asked him why I should even bother spending my entire savings on a second IVF when nothing has worked so far . He listened to my whining , offered me some encouraging statistics and what he would do differently from my first IVF . As we started to discuss how much all this would cost me and how I would most likely have to sell an organ or two to pay for it , he stopped and said , " Oh wait . I think you may qualify for a clinical trial we 're doing . " I 'm sorry , what ? ! ? Free ? FREE ? My husband had to physically restrain me from jumping into the doctor 's lap and kissing him passionately . I 've always loved free stuff , but free fertility stuff ? That gets me hot . Sam and I fit into everything the trial requires ; age , health , what we 've already tried , economics , etc . The ONLY thing I have to do in the next three weeks is lose two pounds in order to fit into the weight range they are looking for . Ordinarily , this wouldn 't be a big deal . Don 't get me wrong . Losing weight in general is like trying to get blood from a stone for me but trying to lose two pounds over the holiday season in particular is rather a challenge . In the last week alone , a client sent me a huge box of cookies , an Uncle of mine gave me an entire tower of treats and at a holiday party this weekend , I had fruit for dessert while everyone else ate cupcakes . After I lose the weight and after they do several tests on both Sam and I , we will find out if we will definitely be accepted into the clinical trial . Although I 'm still nervous about the whole experience , having the financial strain removed would be a HUGE help . Plus , if I could lose a few pounds , then get pregnant with a free IVF AND save my end of the year bonus , I 'd be happier than a bird with a French fry . So , I 'm not sure how to feel . Should I let hope prolong my torment as Nietzsche said ? Or do I give in to optimism and start believing that things may actually work out ? My therapist says that I should stay positive , take one day at a time and accept whatever the outcome is knowing that I did my best . That 's great advice but it 's easier said than done . The other day , I was standing on the street corner and there was a woman standing next to me who was both pregnant … yet thinner than I was . My stomach sunk as I was overcome with jealousy . It 's sad when you start thinking , " If I 'm going to be fat , can I at least be fat for a reason ! " To be heavy with no babies or pregnancies to show for it just seems wrong . Somehow , thanks to bad genes and over a year of on and off hormones , I have baby weight … with no effen baby ! Even before I took any Clomid , Gonal - F or any other colorfully named hormone though , I had been having trouble losing weight . I worked with a nutritionist for over a year logging every calorie on a daily basis taking in anywhere from 1200 - 1500 calories and I only lost about two pounds . Even my nutritionist was confused . My body didn 't want to seem to let go of the fat no matter how many times I hit the gym or how little I ate . I was destined to be curvaceous like it or not . I 've tried Weight Watchers , carbs , no carbs , shakes , walking , running , skipping , jumping , hula hooping , aerobic like sex and even hip hop aerobics despite my lack of coolness . Again , nothing worked . I don 't eat crap ; I have regular servings of vegetables , fruit , water and fiber . I don 't eat anything fried , my desserts are either peppermint tea or a half cup of fat free frozen yogurt and I haven 't had a potato chip since 1998 . It pisses me off . I feel like every time I meet someone new , I want to say to them , " I shouldn 't really be this heavy … just so you know . This is a mistake . " It 's not that I 'm huge or so dangerously overweight either . I can range from anywhere from a size 12 to a 16 depending on where I 'm shopping and how the outfit is cut . Thanks to make - up , control top pantyhose , the right bra , Velcro rollers , nice heels and appropriate clothes … I could even pass as attractive . I 've said it before and I 'll say it again - - it takes a lot of money and time to look naturally beautiful . Lately , I wake up in the middle of the night in a panic and wonder if it 's related . Is whatever mystery reason I can 't lose weight the same reason I can 't get pregnant ? Will I ever know ? Will I ever either drop a few pounds or get knocked up ? Inquiring minds want to know ! It sucks too that while you 're in your two week wait , you 're told not to do anything to aggressive in terms of exercise . Well , actually , I 've heard different things on that … some say its fine , some say it 's not , some say it depends but for me , I 'd rather be cautious and take it easy . This means that I usually work out like a maniac from cycle day 1 through till ovulation and then , I try to take very leisurely walks in between ovulation and the inevitable arrival of my period . Any which way , it 's not working . In the last month , I 've lost exactly one pound . Yes , it 's better than gaining but when you 're ' Sweating to the Oldies ' and trying to diet , you expect more of a result . . . or at the very least . . . invisible cellulite . SOMETHING ! If we do end up doing IVF 2 . 0 in 2011 ( which looks inevitable ) , I REALLY don 't want to gain another ten pounds . I 've got to figure out how to handle the next month or so to try and get some weight off . I just don 't want to have to cut off an entire limb to make that happen ! It 's striking how many similarities there are between pursuing a creative job and trying to conceive . Both involve working incredibly hard , extreme dedication , persistence , a sense of humor and an acceptance that despite your best efforts , you may never actually get anywhere . So often lately , I 've asked myself why I couldn 't have wanted to be a nurse who has children . I could have went to school , got a nursing degree , helped others , never had to worry about what state my uterine lining was in and I 'd be set . The whole blood , bodily fluids and washing old people thing wouldn 't fly with me though . Ultimately , I 'm more interested in a nurse 's costume than I am being an actual nurse . That 's just me though . One of my friends , Caryn , who has been in the business for awhile and I got to talking and I caught her up on all my writing projects , my stand - up schedule and my ever continuing quest to be a mom . The more I talked to her , the more I realized that although I enjoy stand - up and performing in general , I think I may be at a point where I just want to write . Actually , after this last year , I don 't want to just write . I want to make this blog into a book that I can share with infertiles all over this fine world of ours . Stand - up is incredibly fun . You meet the most incredible , funniest , unique people . As competitive as the business is , the people , the experiences and the anecdotes you accumulate are immeasurable . I do want to perform when I can but something about my fertility issues are making me rethink just how much I want to get up in front of people on a Tuesday night in a small bar in New Jersey . Not only is my ass tired of it , it doesn 't pay ( unless I get a sitcom … and maybe not even then ) but there simply seems to be something more important to me now ; making fertility issues funny . " You 've got a great life , a great husband and great friends like me ! Don 't stress yourself out over getting knocked up ! You 'll figure it out ! Deal with each issue as it comes ! For crying out loud - do you know how much I 'm spending on my son 's college ? $ 40 , 000 a year ! It might not be the worst thing in the world if you never get pregnant ! Save your money ! Adopt ! Travel ! Not getting preggo won 't make you less of a person or a woman ! RELAX THE F * CK OUT ! ' It 's not so much what she said but more her attitude and confidence in that everything will somehow work out . It 's shocking but for as much I like to analyze things and talk things out to death , sometimes the best philosophy to a problem is " So what ! " I TRULY want to be a mom . I truly want to know what it 's like to be pregnant but life is short and if it never happens , then so what . Life is going to go on … and I would have to just readjust my plans and go along with it . Adopt , rent or time share kid - I WOULD figure it out … or die trying . All in all , it was a thought provoking breakfast . Suddenly , I started to feel calmer , more enthusiastic and more focused on what I wanted creatively and how I could survive if I never knew what it was like to be pregnant . Of course I 'm still planning on pursuing pregnancy to the fullest extent , but it was still helpful to know that no matter what happens , I 'll be ok . It was this attitude that gave me the strength to call my first doctor back . Well , attitude and a few drinks . Some drunk dial their ex - boyfriends . I drunk dial my ex - reproductive endocrinologist . My goal was to suggest to him that he write a letter to my insurance company on my behalf saying that he missed my uterine polyp and it may have affected my invitro . My approach was to be light , yet persistent with him and I immediately broke the tension by suggesting to him that a possible option to both my lack of fertility funds and my inability to conceive is to become a prostitute . That way , I could make money and hopefully get pregnant simultaneously . This joke put him at ease . Although he gave me a few helpful suggestions ( one of which was to speak to my human resource department about adding a rider with regards to fertility coverage on our company insurance plan ) , he refused to contact my insurance company for me . He believes that the uterine polyp didn 't grow until after the IVF . He believes that since we did so much to build up the uterine lining , that I was taking hormone shots as well as progesterone , the polyp may have formed BECAUSE of the IVF . I do realize that it 's in his best interest to think this as he doesn 't want to get sued , but I can 't help but kind of see his point . What sucks is … well … what sucks in addition to not being able to get pregnant is that not only do I now have two different doctors telling me two different things but if this theory is true , that the polyp didn 't grow until AFTER the IVF , then I still don 't have even the slightest suggestion as to why I haven 't gotten pregnant . I 've been hanging my hat on my uterine polyp . Now , I don 't know what the hell to think . Believe it or not , even this confusion did provide a sort of closure . Although I tend to believe my newer , younger and more attractive reproductive endocrinologist ( that polyps don 't grow that quickly and it had to have been there for awhile ) , this whole thing brought home the point that no one will ever know for sure when Jackson Polyp moved into my uterus . It 's like a Rubix Cube . At some point , you realize you 'll never figure the f * cking thing out so you just toss it aside . It 's beginning to really hit me that the life I thought I was going to have may not happen . I may never be a cellulite free , big time successful comedian with four kids and millions of dollars . Maybe that just isn 't in the cards for me and as sad as that makes me ( especially the cellulite part ) and as terrified as I am about what the future holds , I can 't help but feel that what the cards DO hold for me may offer me something I may not have expected but that I 'll love just as much . At least I hope so . I guess we 'll all see . Despite being a social person , I 've been pretty damn anti - social this year . There are people I 've managed to keep in my inner circle that know everything that 's been going on but there are many I 've avoided . I 've avoided some because I know they are going to ask me when I 'm going to have children . I 've avoided others because I know they are going to tell me they are pregnant and then , there 's a bunch of people I 've avoided simply because I don 't have anything positive to say when they ask me what 's new . Of course I know that that 's what friends are for ; to listen and support when you need it . And yes , I 'm sure people will like me no matter if I have good news or not but lately , when people ask , " How are you ? " , my answers have ranged from , " You might not want to ask me that question " to " How am I ? How am I ? I suck ! That 's how I am ! " to " I 'm beginning to understand Jack Nicholson 's character in The Shining " . It has not been pretty . I should just lie and give the standard , " I 'm fine and you ? " but I 'm not fine . I mean , I 'm functional and there have been great days sprinkled through out this past year of suckage but if I 'm being totally blunt , if you asked me how I am , I think the best answer is that I 'm hanging in . I suppose that 's the best response for anyone who has been trying to conceive for awhile . You hang in there and do what you can to maintain . Some days you win , some days you don 't . And then there are the days when comfort food , crying and mindless movies are a form of Prozac . Hey - whatever gets you through the day . It will be my birthday next week . Since I 've not been a happy TTC camper , I thought I would get over my recent anti - social behavior and invite a whole bunch of friends over . I should never have done this . It 's 2010 - - the year that will go down as the one that has consistently worked against me . Why did I possibly think I could pull off a birthday party ? I can barely figure out what the f * ck to wear in the mornings . Really - it 's a miracle every time I show up to work in any out fit remotely coordinated . I had invited about 20 people . 15 couldn 't make it ( one of the problems with having so many friends in the creative world is they are often on tour or have a show , etc . ) and 5 never even got back to me . As of right now , my birthday party will consist of my husband , my gay best friend and myself . Although this sounds like a great title for a sitcom and although I know we 'll have a great time no matter what we do , I can 't help but feel like quite the unpopular infertile . If I think about it objectively , I know this isn 't personal . I sincerely have many amazing , wonderful friends . If anything , I 'm just being a brat as they have all been there so often for me and the fact that this particular day doesn 't work for most of them shouldn 't make me this whiney . Also , do you ever notice that there 's always that one day or weekend of the year where everyone you know seems to schedule something at the same time ? It 's this one magical date of the year when you seem to know someone getting married , a holiday party and a friend visiting all on the same day . I guess this year , that magical date is my birthday … and everyone just happens to be busy . Such is life . Underlining my already bad mood , my period again arrived this morning . These days , when I see Aunt Flo 's dramatic appearance , I always think , " Fifteen thousand dollars " . This is how much another InVitro will cost and every time I don 't get pregnant the natural way , the more I think about how much it 's going to cost me . Is that terrible or what ? My period used to be for free . Now , it 's literally costing me money . Fifteen thousand dollars to be exact . " Thank you for your letter and for sending over your records from your recent surgery . I reviewed them as well as your entire chart and I understand your concern . As you know , we did a sono - hystereogram in February 2009 and there was no polyp then . I can send you copies of that if you like so I don 't it interfered with the procedures we did . I don 't think the polyp was why you haven 't gotten pregnant . That remains a mystery . I do understand your worry though and I 'm not sure what you want to do with regards to your insurance coverage but if you 'd like to speak to me further , please feel free to give me a call . " Of course , I 'm glad he called and acknowledged my letter . However , being told by a doctor ( albeit maybe not the best doctor ) on yet another cycle day one that he can 't figure out why you 're not getting pregnant isn 't what I would describe as a good feeling . He genuinely doesn 't seem to think it was the polyp and if that 's true , then what is the problem ? Also , it 's true that there was no polyp when he did the first test in February 2009 . I get that but the fact remains that there was one found a little over a year later so it was there during my three inseminations and one IVF . I mean , it didn 't just grow in the month of May for crying out loud . It 's not a zit . It 's a polyp and polyps don 't grow that quickly . Besides , the second doctor saw the polyp on a boring old regular sonogram in June 2010 , so I can 't help but wonder how it got missed through out all my sonograms and tests in April 2010 when we did the invitro . I 'm frustrated , pissed off and soon , I 'll be another year older with less money and no child . Now , more than ever , I must remember the good things or I seriously believe I may go on a murderous rampage this birthday . I 'd invite people to join me on this rampage but odds are no one is available to join me . I 'm still glad I wrote the letter . I know we have our IVF 2 - Electric Bugaloo in the works and I know hope is not dead . If anything , hope is just bound and gagged and being held hostage in a closet somewhere . So , yes ; it would seem my birthday party is becoming a bit of a pity party . I 'll just have to pick another time to be social . Any which way , at least I 'll be surrounded by cake , a few loved ones and I get to wear a pity party hat . It will be combination of a party hat and tissue box . Last night I dreamed that literally everyone I know had a brand new baby . All my time was spent sending cards , receiving baby announcements and buying baby gifts for other people . I woke up knowing that although it was an exaggeration , it wasn 't that far from the reality . It 's exactly like all the kids on " It 's the Great Pumpkin , Charlie Brown ! " They all got candy . Charlie Brown got a rock . Me - I 'm always getting the rock . It 's Halloween and I have PMS . The more time goes on , the more I realize that I don 't actually have ' two week waits ' . I have a one week wait , and then a week of all the PMS symptoms that a girl can handle ; cramps , back ache , breakouts , nightmares , moody , weepy , migraines and retaining water . Yes , I 've heard it a hundred times that PMS symptoms are similar to pregnancy symptoms but after going through this for almost two years , THIS is what happens every time , and every time , I get my period . I wish all of us infertiles could wear the truly scary costumes today . We could go as a Clomid Pill , or a misshapen sperm or perhaps an ovarian cyst . I 'm so annoyed at Aunt Flo for making her way back into my life that wearing these costumes would be a statement to the fertile community at large : I 'm pissed . I 'm infertile and I will not be ignored . Despite my rant , I 've genuinely been trying to be more positive and more proactive . I can 't control whether I get pregnant or not , but I can control how I deal with it and how I deal with life . And for the last week , that 's been good . After months of soul searching , therapy , talking to my husband as well as trusted friends , I decided to write a letter to our first reproductive endocrinologist . I had been working with him for years as my gynecologist . He also is a Reproductive Endocrinologist so when we decided to get pregnant , I thought it was a perfect progression as he was already well acquainted with my privates . They don 't like meeting new people . They are shy . To review , we worked with this doctor from January 2009 through till May 2010 . During this time , as you may or may not know from reading my blog , we tried rounds of clomid and having timed sex , three inseminations and one invitro . When all of these failed , I decided to get a second opinion . It was then we discovered that I had a sizable uterine polyp ( a . k . a . " Jackson Polyp " ) . The polyp was practically giving everyone the finger and waving . My new RE and the technicians in the room were downright shocked that it was missed . To be clear , no one can prove that the polyp was the hold up . It couldn 't have helped and even though I was only a Theatre Major , my guess is if you have a huge bitch ass polyp , you probably shouldn 't do things like IUIs and IVFs . Again , I 'm not a doctor but it does seem like if some foreign intruder is loitering in your uterus , it might be best to remove it before having invited embryos implant . The polyp has been gone since July and as it 's becoming clear to me , I 'm still not pregnant . The questions have been A ) Can I sue the first doctor ? B ) Do I ask the first doctor for free fertility treatment since he missed ' Jackson Polyp ' ? C ) Do I even have a case if I still haven 't gotten pregnant yet ( there may be other issues for all I know ) and D ) Did he actually do anything wrong or was it an honest oversight ? Again , after talking to lawyers and my circle , we decided the best action was to move on and accept that we 'll never know what could have been . We only know what is now . However , it was important to me that he at least knew what had happened if for no other reason than it may inform his handling of patients that still go to him for fertility treatment . As you know , several months ago I requested copies of my records in order to get a second opinion on why I haven 't gotten pregnant yet . Upon doing a sonogram , the doctor immediately noticed that I had a sizable uterine polyp . I returned the next day to do a hysterogram which confirmed that I had what Dr . Superior described as " a larger than average sized polyp " . He believes that considering the size of the polyp , it has probably been there for over a year . If this is correct , it would mean that I had the polyp the entire time we were going through the three IUIs and throughout the entire InVitro procedure . In July , I had surgery to remove it . I asked Dr . Superior 's office to send the enclosed copies of their records , which I thought would be of interest to you . I wanted to make you aware of this in the hopes that it will be helpful in treating your existing patients . I 'm sure this was an honest oversight but unfortunately , it was a very costly one for me . Sam and I are now trying to figure out our options . And that was it . I stated the facts , let him know how I felt without being overemotional and I sent it off . I don 't know if he 'll write back . I don 't know if he 'll even give a sh * t but it felt good to write it . I guess we all have a letter in us to someone that needs to get out . That was mine . Despite this act and despite my best efforts , I can 't help but be bitter and frustrated today . Dare I say it on Halloween but I 'm haunted by the last year and a half . I rethink things I should have done , I blame myself , I wonder for hours at a time why I can 't get pregnant , I worry there 's another problem they don 't know about and I 'm just so , so , so down that I once again have PMS . I guess it 's good that there is plenty of chocolate around today . I 'm going to need it . I , of course , applaud any celebrity that comes forward with fertility issues ( I 'm glaring in your direction Miss " Oh , I just prayed a lot " Jennifer Lopez ) , but for them to give advice sometimes is just patronizing . They have incomes I will never come close to . They have a staff to help them do everything whether it 's a fertility cleanse , or a special diet , or jetting off to the best IVF doctor in Berlin . I 've got me , my husband , our limited finances , and HCG shot in my fridge and at the moment , a cheerleader costume that has the letters " IVF " across the chest . This is a low day - I admit it . I 'll get better though . I 'll snap out of it . I always do but for now , I 'm going to use this Halloween to be an evil , venting , frustrated Cheerleader who is about to get her period . And if I get a rock instead of candy , I just may use it to throw at either my first RE or Mariah Carey . I haven 't decided yet . Ok , let 's be honest : After months upon months of contrived and controlled sex , it makes total sense for it to affect your love life . When you first met your significant other , all you needed was two things : passion and privacy ( and maybe not even privacy ) . In the car , in the hallway , in a bathtub ; you couldn 't get enough of each other . It didn 't matter what day of the month it was , what position your cervix was in and lying down for an hour afterwards was by choice and not required . If you 've been reading my blog regularly , you know sex is an important issue to me . Despite being fertility challenged , I want to feel sexy and I want to have the fun sex my husband and I had when we met . We go through periods of time lately where we get the magic back , but then , thanks to the ' trying to conceive saga ' we 're currently starring in , those moments fade fast . Let me give you an example . Awhile back , there was a night where my ovulation prediction kit said it was go time . The trouble was that on the night in particular , we both had bad days , we were exhausted and I not only had a migraine from hell but I was feeling sick to my stomach . The foreplay consisted of me saying , " Get in , do what you need to do and then get out . " My husband completed the mission all while I had my mouth guard in ( I grind my teeth ) and while I drifted off to sleep . This is not the stuff they make porns out of people . Soon after , Sam and I had a conference … a " sex summit " if you will … and we came up with ways and ideas to bring the ZING ! back . We are trying to implement them as often as possible . Here 's what we came up … perhaps it 'll provide inspiration for you . Yes . You heard me . Get all Jennifer Garner in Alias . As you may or may not know , I am the proud owner of a Catholic School Girl outfit , a cheerleader outfit and French Maid 's outfit . It 's Halloween soon so you have the perfect excuse to buy one of these without feeling self - conscious . And aside from the fact that your husband will enjoy one of these typical male fantasies they have ( they are SO predictable in that department , aren 't they ? ) , it 's fun for you ( no really , I swear ) because what infertile doesn 't want to imagine they are someone else for a bit ? Why not a sexy , fertile hot nurse who doesn 't give a sh * t what consistency her cervical mucus is ? If it gave Kim Kardashian a career , it can do wonders for your love life . Men like porn , why not give them something to look at . And yes , this was very much my husband 's suggestion . And no , I 'm not talking total filth ( unless that 's what you 're in to ) . If there 's any form of entertainment that helps get you in the mood be it a romantic comedy , a romance novel , vampires , car repair ( just throwing that out there ) , then make sure you have it on hand . I personally recommend you all check out http : / / www . amazon . com / My - Secret - Garden - Womens - Fantasies / dp / 0671019872 for inspiration . Some of the fantasies made me go , " Um … yeah , that frightens me . " Others were like , " Well , THAT ' S creative ! I 'll bookmark that page for later ! " Hey - you 've earned it now and then ! One suggestion though : When you 're on top , somewhere in the middle of everything , put your hands up like you 're on a rollercoaster as it 's going downhill . Be sure to yell , " Woooooo ! " Oh , c ' mon ! It 'll be fun ! Plan a dinner where you sit down and tell each other what you like , don 't like , what you want to do more of and suggest at least one new thing to try . The summit alone can get you back in a fun , sexy mood . Oh , and it would help if you didn 't have the conversation over a heavy dinner . Feeling bloated isn 't sexy . Man , don 't I know it ! First , borrow your parent 's car . Then , get a six pack , drive to a make out spot , hop in the back seat and get frisky . Who knows ? You may get lucky in more ways than one . Look … if a million high school seniors can get pregnant this way , it may work for you too . Remember the Romance Light some candles , get the music going and put on that sexy nightgown . I 'm all for quickies and passionate romps but if you 've got time , why not use it and go all out ? Romance that stone ! Go with the wind ! Have Harry meet Sally ! Set the scene and enjoy all of it on rose petals and silk sheets ! Maybe I 'm alone here and it certainly depends on the hotel but my husband tends to travel here and there and we 've always had great success with having relations in a hotel . Perhaps you 're less distracted from household chores since you 're not at home or maybe it 's simply that it 's a new element . Any which way , why not book a night away and get it on with a mini bar nearby . When you are trying to conceive , sex can become as much a chore as it can be fun . Why not let a Pocket Rocket do half the work for you ? This wonder toy can do all the foreplay and half the orgasm before he can get his boxers off . It also comes in handy if he 's already crossed the finish line and you 're only halfway through the race . Every TTC couple has read a million anecdotes on what the best way to conceive , and over the months of trying , sure enough those anecdotes have made their way into the bedroom . And let 's not forget that there are couples that do all the wrong things ( i . e . Drunk sex in a hot tub while standing up ) and they still get knocked up ! Let 's all give ourselves permission to just have sex for sanity 's sake ! So before you have another Baby Dance while suspended from the ceiling in gravity boots listening to Barry Manilow 's ' Mandy ' because your best friend 's cousin 's hairdresser told you that she got pregnant once doing just that - - remember that sex is supposed to be fun . Just do it . Regular readers of my blog know I 've been periodically posting ' Trying to Conceive Proverbs ' ( Click here : http : / / the2weekwait . blogspot . com / 2010 / 09 / trying - to - conceive - tailored - proverbs . html or here : http : / / the2weekwait . blogspot . com / 2010 / 10 / seize - egg - trying - to - conceive - proverbs . html ) . What I do ( and I admit , I have fun doing it ) is I take a well known proverb and tweak it to fit the pursuit of trying to conceive . An example is " If at first you don 't succeed , f * ck , f * ck again . " When putting these lists together , one proverb I came across was , " Beware of Greeks bearing Gifts . " This cracked me up as it reminded me of my first reproductive endocrinologist . For those who don 't know , he was the one who missed that I had a huge uterine polyp for what appears to be over a year and … he happens to be Greek . Since I once again got my period a few days ago and after finding out my insurance company wasn 't covering any more fertility treatments , I figured now was as good of a time as any to talk to a lawyer . Unfortunately , Matlock wasn 't available , which is a shame . I do love his blue suits and his devil - may - care attitude . The lawyer I did speak to , Mr . Not - Matlock , felt we didn 't have a case . When Dr . Greek did an HSG with Saline in January 2009 , it showed a vacant uterus . In March 2009 , a few months after this HSG , was when we first started officially working towards getting pregnant . Then in November 2009 , we did the first of our three inseminations and eventually , in April 2010 , we did our first IVF . Even though there were other opportunities to do another HSG throughout , perhaps with dye this time , the fact remains , according to the lawyer , that if the initial HSG showed nothing , it 's hard to make an argument that the doctor should have known about Jackson Polyp . Furthermore , I 'm still not pregnant ( and yes , I thanked the lawyer for pointing that out ) . He said , " Not to bum you out but who is to say you don 't have another issue keeping you from getting pregnant . " I 'm beginning to grow a fondness for all those lawyer jokes … In general , Mr . Not - Matlock felt $ 10 , 000 wasn 't enough to sue for anyway , that it would be hard to prove damages and out of my options , I 'd be better off just going to Dr . Greek , explaining to him what happened and seeing if I could get a free insemination out of the deal . Really ? Is that the deal somewhere in the fertility world ? Three failed inseminations and get the fourth one free ? Do I need a coupon for that ? Is there a free blender involved ? Also , confronting the doctor , even if I do it in the nicest way possible , would be uncomfortable . This , I don 't mind so much . It 's if and when he agrees to do the free insemination that it would be beyond weird . Heated exchanges and thrown accusations in his office are one thing . Tension when my legs are up in stirrups while he 's handling my husband 's junk is entirely another . I 've thought a lot about it and although the word " free " is compelling and although we are not in a financially choosey place , I sincerely think in this case , beggars CAN be choosers . I simply can 't go back there and tell him to stick a catheter up my wah - hoo after I genuinely feel like he has already screwed me over . I just can 't . I 'm calling time of death on the whole Dr . Greek chapter in my life … at least for now . So where does that leave us ? Initially , we were going to save up for an insemination with my new and improved reproductive endocrinologist but then , it occurred to us that if we 're going to save up anyway , if the odds are better with invitro and if I 'm getting a year end bonus , why not just skip the insemination and go straight to IVF as soon as we get the money ? Yes , I hate waiting and yes , I 'd much rather spend my bonus on anything else in the world but for now , this seems like a sound plan . Of course I 'm still hoping we get pregnant naturally but frankly , I 'm not counting on it anymore . We 're saving up and mentally preparing for IVF 2 . 0 . For my own sanity and happiness , I need to just say that 's how it 's going to be and use the next couple of months to enjoy the holidays , hopefully lose weight , take care of myself and revisit the world of crazy monkey sex which is a world you know I 've always been fond of . When I was single ( which felt like forever ) , I have a partner in crime for all my single adventures . Her name was Stacey . We 'd go to bars . We 'd go dancing . We 'd hang out at coffee shops despite the fact that we both hated coffee . We would be each other 's wing - man ( or wing - woman ) in the quest to meet a sane , employed man which was not as easy as it may sound . Now , I 'm not proud of this but we would often mock people who were in relationships . Let 's be honest : we were jealous . We couldn 't figure out why it wasn 't us staying home ordering in and renting a movie with our " pooh - bear " . Why hadn 't we met anyone ? We 're cute ! We 're funny ! We 've got a lot to offer ! It was frustrating and with every engagement announcement , every bridal shower and every wedding , we 'd become more and more snarky and dismissive about the institution . After years of rejection , online dating and having dinner with men who flossed their teeth over dinner , I sort of gave up on ever meeting anyone . The dates I went on during my " Single Sentence " bordered on science fiction . There was the time I had brunch with a guy who worked for the sewage system and he talked all about raw sewage for an hour while I tried to eat ( I 've never had Eggs Benedict again by the way ) or the guy who asked me to guess how old he was and then got pissed at me because I guessed right ( he wanted me to guess younger ) or the guy who told me outright that he hated Chinese people ( I 'm not joking ) or my favorite , the guy who hid in the bathroom waiting for me to pay the check so he didn 't have to . I think he 's still hiding in the bathroom to this day . Then , one year , Stacey announced that she was going to get engaged in the next six months if it killed her , me and anyone else in a one mile radius . I thought this was ambitious but I respected that she was setting a goal for herself . Besides , I had already committed myself to a life of spinsterhood so if one of us were to get married ; it was going to have to be her . Of course , a few months after this conversation , I met Sam who is now my husband . Literally out of nowhere , we met through mutual friends and within a month , we had fallen completely and totally in love . Six months after that , we were engaged . When we went to dinner and I broke the news to her , she looked at me for a moment in shock and then said , " How did you get engaged ? You weren 't even trying to meet anyone ? I 'm busting my ass and YOU ' RE the one who gets engaged ! I can 't believe this ! " You 'd think I 'd be hurt but really , I understood . I knew somewhere in her , she was happy for me ( and she eventually said so by dessert ) but she was ticked it wasn 't her that had this news . Besides , after all the sh * t I said about my married and / or newly engaged friends when I was single behind their backs , I at least respected that she vented to my face . I was abandoning her and joining the enemy … and I knew how that felt . I couldn 't be mad at her at all . I think of this story often when a fellow fertility challenged friend announces their pregnancy . How they must feel how I felt with Stacey that day ; guilty that I was happy and that I had found someone and that she hadn 't yet . I made every effort not to be over the top with giddiness about my engagement or my wedding . I went out of my way to keep up with single activities such as meeting her for drinks or gabbing on the phone with her any chance I got . In retrospect , I think I even didn 't fully allow myself to be as happy as I was for fear I was hurting Stacey or my other single friends . I knew better how it felt to be in their shoes than anyone and I didn 't want them to think of me the same way I thought of married people all those years . The thing is every time someone I know who has struggled along with me to conceive ends up pregnant ; it is a mixture of true joy and a bit of sadness . You do feel like you 've lost a person who was in the trenches with you and you 're sad for yourself but you can 't help but feel happy for someone you know who has struggled desperately to achieve this moment . Ultimately , these stories of successes should offer you hope and incentive but in lower , more hormonal moments , it 's difficult not to feel either left behind or disappointed that it 's still not you . All in all , it 's a mixed bag of emotions . I think the bottom line though is we all have different issues and we 're all different people . There is no logic to when it should or shouldn 't happen for one person or another . There isn 't an " Ok , whose turn is it now to be pregnant ? " or " Who deserves it ? " so why even bothering comparing yourself to someone else who got knocked up when you didn 't ? Also , and as comical as this may sound , I do often remind myself that just because so - and - so had a baby , that doesn 't mean she directly took my baby away from me . Now let me be clear here : I can say all this and I know it 's all true but obviously , if you 've been reading my blog , you know there are times when I am blindly jealous or resentful of the fertile community at large . I 'm human , I 'm hormonal and at times , quite frankly , I 'm downright pissed off at my situation . Still , in more reasonable moments , I remember the whole Stacey situation and I know that in this scenario , I 'm Stacey . One day , I hope I 'll be the one with happy pregnancy news . I also hope that when that happens , my fellow infertiles will forgive me for getting pregnant and celebrate along with me . Right now , at this moment , I have the opportunity to react to others pregnancy announcements like I hope others will react for me - with nothing but happiness , support and encouragement . Does it still hurt at times and am I still jealous ? Fuck , yeah but I look at it as an investment for when it 's my turn . Well , that and because I know in my heart , putting aside all poopy , negative feelings , I actually am genuinely happy for them . There 's this " getting - to - know - you " game that 's been making the rounds through BlogWorld and I just got tagged - I 'm IT ! I 'm quite thrilled actually as it gives me a break from lamenting about my TTC efforts for a moment and focus on something way more fun - ME ! Thank you to Slackie O . and @ socalledttclife for this honor ! And if you haven 't checked out their blogs yet , please do ! Ms . O 's blog is http : / / slackieo . blogspot . com / and @ socalledttclife is http : / / mysocalledttclife . tumblr . com / I would have loved to have been a rock star . That 's right . You heard me . Touring the world , having the press wondering which boy toy I was sleeping with that week , singing my ass off in an amazingly sexy outfit , doing interviews , having an entourage , working with my personal trainer and marrying one hot guy after another . Why , oh why did I quit singing lessons ! ? ! ? If forced , I can make tomato sauce from scratch and a killer Kraft Macaroni and Cheese . Cooking is not my thing though . I 'm much better at ordering . Yes and it was not for committing murder . Aside from our wedding announcements , thanks to my creative endeavors I 've been interviewed a few times here and there . Nothing major though . If only I could get involved in a real scandal . That would so help my career ! I 'll go with the worst simply because it 's far funnier than the most memorable . The worst was working for a small firm in Soho where the President of the company was having an affair with my supervisor who was an alcoholic loose cannon . This relationship ( and lack of business ) would create many an opportunity for high drama . One time , she smacked him across the face and stormed off . That was one of my favorite incidents . Another thing they 'd often do ( aside from viciously fight on a daily basis ) was find ways to leave the office together . Their dialogue was always poorly written and was similar to this : " Terrific Ted . Let us go then and innocently share a cab together to our separate destinations . " Then , they would come back from " lunch " together obviously freshly showered . Despite the entertainment factor , I HATED this job . For some reason , I always thought I 'd get married SUPER early … like in my late teens and to an older man . That absolutely did not happen though . I got married at age 34 and my husband is only a few years older than me . In retrospect , I like the way things actually worked out then how I envisioned . My favorite : I enjoy dusting for some reason . I think I like the instant gratification of it . LOOK ! YOU ' RE NOW CLEAN ! TA DA ! You know … I can 't really remember . I recall bits and pieces of different events but not a whole lot . Heck , I can 't even remember last week ! If we review the last three weeks , they include yet another failed attempt to get pregnant , food poisoning , paying full price for an HCG that I 'm not even sure I 'm going to use , my building getting hit by lightning thus killing everything plugged into every outlet including my beloved computer ( using a friend 's PC to write this ! ) and my insurance company telling me that they are no longer covering any of my fertility treatments . I honestly would not be surprised if I was soon diagnosed with prostate cancer … despite that fact that I don 't even HAVE a prostate . I don 't want to whine or complain ( even though I 'm very gifted at both ) but really , REALLY , when does the good stuff start ? Things can ALWAYS be worse . I try to never lose sight of that , however , it doesn 't change the fact that being in a terminal state of suckage is frustrating as hell . Despite the hundreds of dollars we now have to spend on replacing everything ( we do have insurance so hopefully , we 'll get some of what we spend back ) , I can 't help but be secretly amused that the lightning hit our building during ovulation time . I 'm not sure what that means . I guess come cycle day 28 , I 'll find out . It 'll either be an amazing story we 'll one day tell our child ( " You were conceived during a lightning storm ! Sure , we lost cable , electricity , phone service , internet , our televisions and computers but we got you , so it evens out ! " ) or it 'll be yet another exhibit in the case I 'm making against the entire year of 2010 . Can you file legal charges against a whole year ? In terms of my medical insurance breaking up with me ( " It 's not us . It 's your uterus . " ) , what can I say ? It hurts . It 's bad enough that I 've had fertility issues but to now get charged an obscene amount for them adds insult to injury . I 've already paid close to $ 20 , 000 out of pocket WITH the insurance that the thought of forging ahead without it is dizzying . I haven 't a clue how to get the money needed . I mean , as much as I love lying down , I 'd make a terrible hooker and I 'd probably be the only stripper in history that would get paid to keep my clothes on ! Also , and not to beat a dead horse here , but I can 't help being internally tortured by the fact that we blew all of fertility fund on a doctor who missed that I had a uterine polyp for an entire year . What 's done is done and there seems little I can do about it , but again , it falls hard in the ' suckage ' category . We never should have done IUIs and an IVF as long as that polyp was there and because my first doctor never thought of checking it and I didn 't know any better to suggest it , I may have to use our entire savings and my end of the year bonus just to get my second doctor to do something most women are able to do naturally . Speaking of which , does anyone know if they happen to make cheap home insemination kits ? If not , they should ! It could include a little sperm spinner you plug into a wall ( it could double as a salad spinner ) , and a thin tube to bypass the cervix . It may sound crass but c ' mon ! If women have been using turkey basters for crying out loud , why can 't I IUI myself in the comfort of my own home while watching True Blood ? ! ? If you 're a regular reader of my blog , you know that I often wane between finding all this amusing and on occasion , getting pretty depressed about it . At present , I think I 'm somewhere in the middle . I 'm clinging to the fact that nothing is hopeless yet and I still can 't help laughing at the mess that is currently my life but there are times of deep regret , fear and sadness . Those are the times when calories and fat grams lose all meaning , the bed is my refuge and I wonder what lies around the corner next . Sam and I talked about it last night and we are definitely not going to be able to do our intended IUI this next cycle . We 're still figuring out if we 're going to put it off a month or two or if we 'll just skip insemination altogether and go right to another IVF cycle . Any which way , we WILL be doing something , somehow soon . This all being said , is it too much to hope that through some insane divine miracle , the bolt of lightning that hit our home during ovulation time will perhaps bring good luck ? I dare not even type it on my blog but if we were actually successful in conceiving this past cycle , it would be a joy and a relief beyond that 's impossible to imagine . Still , if history has proven anything and if what they say about stress hindering conception is true , the odds are against it . I 'm hoping for a freaking miracle anyway though . . . I can 't lie . These last two weeks have not been what I would characterize as fabulous . They 've been filled with feelings of failure , frustration and thanks to a bought of food poisoning , a fear of tuna fish . That 's right . Charlie the Tuna kicked my sorry digestive system on Tuesday night . Don 't let the smile fool you . ' Sorry Charlie ' my ass … Even though I typically am pretty successful at keeping expectations in check , this past cycle failing particularly bummed me out . Not helping matters was when I got my period ; I got a crop of the worst pimples on my chin . Sure , I break out here and there around my time of the month , but this was like a freaking colony of blemishes . I 've actually lost count of how many huge pimples I have on my chin right now . I would not be the least bit shocked if a blind person felt my chin and my zits spelled out , " Still Not Pregnant " in a sort of brail . Really … M . Night Shyamalan could make a movie about it . It would be called , " The Prophetic Pimples " . I went to see my most recent Reproductive Endocrinologist a few days ago . He started the session with , " I 'm sorry you 're back . " As depressing as that statement is , I appreciated the sentiment as I was sorry I was back too . Sam and I decided that we 'd give it one more month of trying on our own before returning to medical assistance . I do have ambivalence about this as I don 't know if I can bear another period or another crop of pimples like the ones I have now but the doctor felt one more month wasn 't going to hurt or help either way . It 's not like we 're delaying anything for a year . It 's just one month to see if we can get Sam 's sperm and my egg to finally hook up once and for all . Jeez . It sounds like our reproductive parts are Ross and Rachel on Friends . Today is this fifth day of my latest cycle . This will officially be the third time we 'll try on our own to conceive since my uterine polyp was removed . Some say the third time is the charm but it just may be , in fact , the third time and nothing more . After all , I have already done three inseminations and the third one those didn 't work so I 'm not buying into none of that anymore . Besides , since we 've already decided that if this doesn 't work , we 'll go back to injectables and insemination , I 'm going to go back to where I was a few months ago and keep the pressure and expectations as low as possible . With this back up plan in place , this cycle should be nothing more than ' let 's not think about it and just have lots of sex ' . I 've had cycles like that before and they were damn fun . There are good moods and there are bad moods . Then , there 's the mood I 'm in today . If there were a color coated system of my moods , it would be on flaming pissed off red right now . Everyone - you 're on high alert ! Grab your duct tape and find a safe house ! On Saturday morning , my temperature dipped . Many don 't believe in the temperature taking system to track ovulation , implantation and pregnancy but it 's rarely been wrong for me . I just wish that basal thermometer didn 't just show you what your temp is in a cold , hard , impersonal font . I wish it had an audio feature that broke it to you gently . " I 'm sorry kitten . Your temperature dipped . It didn 't work out this time . If I had arms , I 'd hug you but alas , I don 't . If you want to put me back in your mouth though , I 'll do my best to taste like chocolate to cheer you up . " Every time I get my period , it means I 'm signing up for four more weeks of torture . It 's a f * cked up monthly renewal plan . I get my period and then my body asks , " Do you want to renew peeing on ovulation tests , having timed intercourse , getting blood work , the hellacious two week wait and then fail again ? " Seriously . What 's a girl got to do to get the pregnancy subscription ? I 'm done with the trying to conceive membership . The fees and disappointment have been too costly . There sincerely were a few moments in the week leading up to my period where I really could taste the success . I could see me peeing on a stick and actually getting a positive result for once in my life . I pictured telling my friends , the maternity outfits I 'd wear and how incredibly happy I 'd be . In retrospect , I 'm ticked at myself for getting that hopeful . I know better . I just had a feeling about this cycle but obviously , my feelings are not to be depended upon . They are as reliable as a generic fortune cookie or a bad psychic . " You 'll meet someone who will have a last name . . . " So many people , including myself , thought that removing the polyp that took up residence in my uterus , a squatter if you will , would mean I 'd be pregnant in no time but this was the second month polyp - free and still nothing . Could one more cycle be the key ? Is there something else we 're missing now ? AM I EVER GOING TO GET PREGNANT WITHOUT LOSING ALL MY MONEY AND MY SANITY ? Tomorrow , I go to my doctor and we 'll discuss options . Do I try one more cycle on our own or do I go back to doing inseminations ? I know my doctor would love to just go ahead and do invitro but I simply don 't have the money . It 's utterly depressing to spend your hard earned money on things that aren 't successful . I 've almost drained all our finances to cover three inseminations and one disastrous IVF simply to fail and frankly , I appear to be failing quite fine without paying any money , thank you very much . I will see what he says and once again , try to get pregnant . At this moment though , I 'm just one unhappy , resentful , pissed off woman . You 've all been warned . Take cover . Writer , Infertility Activist and Public Speaker who tries to maintain both her sanity AND sense of humor . Whether you have ovaries are not , I sincerely hope you enjoy the blog and laugh at life 's little realities with me . No really . You 'd better laugh . I 'm hormonal and I 'll cry if you don 't . Infertility Confidential : Infertility Info That You Need to Know and May Get Me Killed Do you ever meet up with a friend for dinner or coffee and they are like , " Oh my god ! I have SO much to catch you up on ! " That 's e . . .
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There is a short window of time when walking my dog , Squishy , is actually fun . When the temperatures warm enough for the snow to melt , there 's a good couple of weeks in there before little critters begin to stir , and the Squish and I can take to the streets and enjoy a nice walk together . That time is over now . The Squish is a slow , chubby , sweet , stupid lab - husky mix . She 's got a goofy smile , she 's great with kids and she 's afraid of absolutely everthing , including , but not limited to : rustling plastic bags , the act of putting my laptop on my lap , adolescent boys , sunglasses , hats , and balloons being blown up . This is why it is absolutely dumbfounding what happens to her in late spring : She becomes a cold - blooded killer . Last summer , she killed and ate five bunnies that made their way into my fenced - in backyard . One day , I walked into the dining room and there she was , laying down with the decapitated head of a rabbit between her paws , gnawing away on one of its ears . I thought I would faint . So , on our walks this time of year , I have to be ever vigilent to make sure I see the bunnies or squirrels or birds first so I can steel myself and prepare for her to lunge forward with her full fat / strength and just about rip my arm off . It 's not the live animals that are the most bothersome , however . Luckily , when she sees a live creature , she tends to pause for about three seconds before she lunges . With dead critters , there is no pause . She turns into a gator and snaps them up instantaneously . Sometimes , she 's so fast , I don 't even know she has one in her mouth . Like today , in the middle of our hour - long walk , I looked down , and she had the deadest , flattest squirrel hanging out either side of her mouth . I can 't even explain to you the rush of adrenaline and terror I feel when I have to deal with a situation like this . Today , I grabbed a stick and tried poking at her jaws to see if she 'd open up and drop it . Didn 't work . I had to take an empty plastic bag and pull on the dead head of the corpse until I finally won the tug of wPosted by And the winner of the first - annual Battle of the Blogs is . . . KATOTAINMENT ! ! ! Winning with 2 , 695 hits over PucKato 's 2 , 031 hits , which is a pretty healthy win , I must say . 664 hits ? A 24 percent margin of victory ? PucKato got schooled ! This is so unexpected . . . I didn 't even have a speech prepared . I 'd just like to thank all of you ! You did it , dear readers . You have crowned me blog champion of the last week in April 2011 . What significance does that have ? Very little , if any at all . But it feels GREAT ! Shane Frederick 's hockey blog , PucKato , has blown us all away here in the newsroom for a very long time . But as my " fight to be fit " has gained popularity , I started creeping up on my dear cubicle neighbor , and I had to see , if just for one week , I could take Goliath down . Victory is SWEET . Something Shane has reminded me of this week : It 's not hockey season . During hockey season , he would have won by a wide margin . True . The first week in February , PucKato had 3 , 228 hits , which would have beat my blog at its best week by 530 hits . But he also mentioned that he posted the MSU season schedule this week , which he said would result in numerous hits . As a grassroots little operation here , gaining steady readership without a big , huge , popular sports team to write about - - just a girl and the battle against her tush - - I 'm feeling on top of the world ! Wahooooooooooo ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Fifty pounds ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Wahoooo ! ! ! YayYayYayYayYay ! ! ! ! This morning after 1 / 2 of a Step class and half an hour on the bike , I braved the scale in the locker room . I had to know . Was Monday 's failure a fluke ? Was it just water retention ? A bad scale reading ? Did I do enough this week to ensure victory by the end of the month ? Indeed ! It was actually teetering ever so slightly between 49 3 / 4 and 50 , but I 'm calling it , folks . Fifty is here ! I had a feeling something was funny about Monday . You can 't go from a 48 loss back down to 45 in two days , can you ? I would had to have eaten thousands of calories . And I didn 't ! I swear , every time I step on a scale I get a different reading . . . . So you may be thinking , " Well , how do you know if today 's was the accurate one , then ? " Well , friends , it 's a straight - up fact that the lowest reading is always the right one . I mean , that 's just a given . Bad news now , though . These weight - loss numbers are starting to get embarrassingly high . Which is a good thing , but with any luck , the number will only get more and more embarrassing . I 'm not sure how many more hard numbers I 'll be willing to share . But there will be other ways to keep y ' all updated on my progress . So don 't go away . Woo hoo ! Today 's the day ! ! One week ago , I launched a campaign to get more hits than PucKato . Shane Frederick 's hockey blog about the Mavvies has traditionally been the most popular among readers of Free Press blogs . However , thanks to all of you , he has a rival ! . . . ME ! Wahoooooooo ! ! ! ! So stay tuned . . . Did this little blog that could take down Goliath just for one week ? FIND OUT LATER TODAY ! This morning was really the first time that I did circuit training without Jackie . It was weird ! I can honestly say I did all the reps and sets that I set out to do , and I didn 't decrease weight just because she wasn 't there watching . . . . I did , however , wuss out on cardio . There was no cardio onslaught between circuits , such as , but not limited to , burpees , mountain - climbers and THE STOOL . I noticed that the lack of those exercises made the hour much easier , which isn 't a good thing , I suppose . So I think I 'm going to have to work those things back in . Jackie would pee her pants with happiness if I told her that I ran the damn track in her absence . She 's big on running . The weirdest part of this morning was having boys wandering around the room benching a ton of weight while I was doing my little squats in front of the mirror . It was easier to do that in public when I had a trainer who was obviously telling me to do it . Now I just look like the weirdo in the corner bending over in front of a mirror . On the weight front , I 've been too scared to check how I 'm doing . By this weekend , my goal is 50 , as I 'm sure you recall , since I 've said it like a billion times . I think this number will be the last that I obsess about . It makes me nervous . When I get fixated on being at a certain weight , my instinct is to be unhealthy to get there . So , after 50 , slow and steady wins the race , and who cares what the number is when I 'm feeling so good about where I 'm at ? I can 't wait ! I hate worrying like this . Readers of the paper - version of this " fight to be fit " campaign give me lovely compliments when they spot me in public . It 's wonderful ! And then immediately following , many of them say , " You know , you look NOTHING like your picture . " I 'm so used that - - which I sort of consider to be an unintentional insult - - that I always say the same thing in response : Oh yeah , well , that was five years and a few pounds ago ( laughs ) . Just today at the gym , I was taking a Step class , and a lovely woman comes up and says , " I think it 's so wonderful that you 're writing about all of this in the paper . " I said , " Oh , thank you so much . That 's so kind of you . You know , you 're the first person to recognize me from my picture . Most people say I look nothing like it . " And she said ( lol ) , " Oh , well , you don 't . I just saw you talking to Joe Tougas , so there 's The Free Press connection , and then I asked someone if it was you . " : | My column mugshot ( taken from my family picture , above , with my mom and sister ) has to be the most conversation - generating of any other at The Free Press . Who knew someone could look so different from a photo that complete strangers feel the need to point it out so often ? Let me just say , in my defense , I 'm sweaty and non - makeuped at the gym , and my hair 's tied back , and . . . OK , so maybe I 've got a few pounds to go before I resemble that picture again . But hey , we all put our best mugs forward around here . This afternoon was my 16 - week weigh - in , the last with Jackie as my trainer . We were shooting for 50 . . . . Try 45 , AGAIN . Saturday morning I was down 48 . It 's unlikely I would put back on three pounds of fat in just two days , so some is probably water weight from the big holiday meal . Still , that feels like an excuse . I 'm disappointed . Jackie and I started working out together as pals on Saturday morning . She wants to make it a regular thing , and so do I ! This coming Saturday we 're meeting to run / walk the trail , and she wants to weigh in that morning and forget about this one . She says that will be the true four - month mark , and this was just 16 weeks . Barely any significance at all , right ? . . . By then the water weight situation will have righted itself , and I 'll have five more workouts behind me . So , new goal of Saturday , the four - month mark , to lose 50 . Sigh . I feel like a real suck - face . Should have said no to all that food . It must be stated first : My mother is the BEST mom on Earth . Love , love , love her . She gives like no other . Having said that , was she the best person to spend 24 / 7 with for the two days before my final weigh - in with Jackie during which I hope to hit a 50 - pound weight loss ? Nosiree . In her defense , it was a holiday weekend , and on holidays , my mom is fueled only by the drive to make her family happy . How do moms do that ? Food . And hugs , but mostly food . Exhibit A : Saturday , on a high from a good morning workout with the plan to walk later , I say , " Hey , how about I make tacos tonight ? " Subtext : So that I know what exactly I 'm eating and how many calories are in it . Mom : " No , honey , we 're taking you and your sister out to eat . " Friday 's is where we ended up , with only a preliminary scan of the online menu 's limited nutrition info before we went . Exhibit B : Snacks on Saturday night . Hot Tomales , Milky Ways , giant sugar cookies from Barns & Noble , and kettle corn were highlighted items . I managed to steer clear of all except for a bag of Smart Pop Kettle Corn . After my mystery dinner at Friday 's , I didn 't need the calories . Exhibit C : I take my dog for an hour - long walk Sunday morning , and when I get back , mom had a 280 - calorie fruit and yogurt from Kwik Trip with a fountain pop waiting for me . Oh , and , " I found those honey mustard pretzels you like , and I bought M & M cookies so we all have enough food if your sister 's boyfriend brings her brother . " There on the counter were 12 cookies , a giant bag of the pretzels , and various confections for the non - dieters ' desserts . Exhibit D : Lunch . Ribeyes , twice - baked potatoes , potato salad , deviled eggs , fruit salad , green bean casserole and Hawaiin rolls . Sighhhhhhhhhh . I managed to weasel out of the angel food cake for dessert , but who knows what was in the eggs and salad and potatoes ? I tried not to eat too much of it , but then , of course , there 's mom with things like , " Did you get an egg ? " " I already had one . " " Well , you can have another one . " So , yeah , I walked for half an hour thiPosted by So my one Easter treat allowance was my favorite candy of all time : The Cadbury Cream Egg . It 's like a gooey , sugary bomb in your mouth . For 150 calories - - albeit empty ones - - I had to go there before they 're removed from shelves for a whole year . However , eating it reminded me of how much the eggs have changed over the years . Cadbury Eggs were twice the size when I was a kid , and they used to be a challenge to eat . The white , creamy center used to be runny , so when you bit into it , the goo went down your chin the way the Easter Bunny and much more intelligent , customer - friendly candy - creators intended . Now that cheap , money - grubbing CEOs have clearly taken over the company , the eggs are miniscule , the center is more the texture of nougat , and while I still very much enjoy them , the experience pales in comparison to the old days . An interesting side note : Cadbury 's website used to deny such shrinkage claims until eggs from the old days were found and compared to the new size ( including a public display from " The Office 's " B . J . Novak ) . The company took its denial down , which , in response to comments about the shrinking size had said , " They haven 't gotten smaller . You 've grown up ! " Whatevs , Cadbury . B . J . and I know our chocolate . 48 pounds , people ! Woo hoo ! Two more to go before Monday , so I 'm putting in extra workouts this weekend . Nothing crazy , but maybe a long walk both days with the family , who are coming into town for Easter weekend . I also worked out with Jackie this morning , but as friends ! I lost a trainer , but gained a friend . It 's a beautiful , beautiful thing . She and I wrapped up our 20 sessions this week . Very bittersweet . I was so happy for how far she 'd taken me , but sad that our partnership is over for now . However , then she suggested we meet and work out this morning as buddies . And that was fun ! Of course , she put on a ton of weight to the Smith and other weight - lifting instruments , all the while developing nothing but a healthy glow about her . Meanwhile , I 'm working with my 10 - and 15 - pound dumbbels and sweating like a fat New Yorker . But hey , whatever works , right ? Anyway , it sounds like we 'll be working out together more frequently , so for all of you who gasped and e - mailed and said , " Oh Amanda , it 's too soon to lose your trainer ! I 'm worried ! " Lol . Fret not ! It seems Jackie will still be a part of my life . Now onto this weekend 's biggest challenge : avoiding Easter candy . Dun , dun , dunnnnn . ( Why does it taste so much better on Easter and Halloween ? ) For whatever reason , you 're reading this blog . You are ! Right now ! That 's so awesome . My readership has steadily increased the past four months to something crazy like more than a thousand hits a week . I can hardly believe that . It 's so exciting ! In the midst of my " way to go " from the boss , he said , " That 's about as many hits as PucKato . " For the one or two of you who don 't know , PucKato is hockey writer Shane Frederick 's blog about the Mavvies . None of us even bother being competitive with our blogs because it 's a given that Shane will always win the hits contest , and the rest of us will just be happy with our small , but loyal readerships . ( Except for Ed Thoma 's baseball blog , of course . He blows us all away , including Shane , by an obscene number of hits . Y ' all have proven your love of baseball , that 's fo ' sho ' . ) Anyway , my boss 's innocent little comment sparked a tiny bit of a competitive drive in me . " About as many hits as PucKato " . . . does that mean an equal number ? More perhaps ? Hmmm . . . Shane is my cubicle neighbor , so naturally I turned right to him and announced the news with a big smile on my face . His reasoning was that , of course , it 's not hockey season , so fewer people are reading , and I wouldn 't be able to hold a candle to him in the winter . . . . True . But right now , I want to beat him . Just once . I want to say , " For one week , I got more hits than PucKato . " How cool would that be ? ! So I 'm going to post something new every day , and I promise it will be super interesting stuff . So come back often ! Hit me , readers ! ( P . S . Shane likes the Packers . A lot . Just in case that might incite some of you to hit refresh a few hundred times on this page to help me win . ) So , a few weeks ago a woman from the 10Kato phoned me and said they wanted me to run the race to help raise awareness about the 15th anniversary of the event . I was not at the time , nor am I now , in the shape to run 10 K 's . I can 't even visualize what 10 K 's looks like , but I 'm assuming more than , say , one minute of running would be involved . So I politely declined and terribly disappointed this woman who seemed to be banking on my " yes " at the time . This morning at the gym I had the idea of just doing the walking portion . I can walk two miles , for goodness sake , and I 'm betting a lot of you who have been so kindly following my blog can too . So how about we do it together ? We can get a huge team together , maybe all wear something that 's the same so we look like a team , and take a morning walk on Memorial Day weekend - - which HAS TO BE warm by then , people . I can get to know some of you , and it 's all for a good cause . Sounds fun , right ? So the 10Kato is Monday , May 30 , and the start is at Dickinson and Emerson streets . Registration before May 13 is $ 17 , it 's $ 20 after May 13 , and it 's $ 25 the day of the race . There are brochures with registration forms to mail in at the Y , or go to this site and print out the form there . E - mail me at adyslin @ mankatofreepress . com if you want to join my team . I hope you do ! I 'm about to commit the cardinal sin of blogging . . . doing so while I 'm a little miffed . I 'm doing it anyway ! . . . Please , please , please , people : STOP TELLING ME WHAT I CAN AND CAN ' T EAT ! Just please , OK ? I so appreciate the concern . Really sweet . Seriously . But MyFitnessPal . com AND a food journal AND a trainer AND the knowledge I have gained the past four months are the sources I use to tell me what I can have . " Are you eating Chipotle ? Can you have that ? " YES . A bowl with rice , chicken and any kind of salsa is fine . It 's less than 500 calories , and as long as I come in under my calories and fat requirements for the day , I 'm good to go . " Don 't do it . . . Don 't take that sugar cookie . " You know what ? Once in a while , I can have a cookie . It 's 180 calories . If I choose to spend them that way , then I just have to eat less at dinner , OK ? I publically blog about weight loss . I get it . But that doesn 't entitle anyone to management duty over my food intake . Gee whiz . . . For those of you saying , " Anything in moderation , honey . Have that cookie and eat it , too , " seriously , bless you . I heart you . The support from readers has been so awesome on my little fat - fight , and some of them have had really great questions that I think a lot of dieters might not know about weight loss that I have recently just learned myself . So here 's some food for thought : Comment : " So you know how you complain that your booty isn 't shrinking at the same rate as your mid - section ? You can do this butt - squeezy exercise . You lay on the ground , lift up your butt and squeeze a whole bunch of times . " Lol . . . . Butt - squeezy advice probably falls under the category of things I never thought I 'd talk about with a reader . . . . But actually , this brings up a good point for dieters . Did you know that you cannot choose where on your body you will lose weight ? Your body chemistry decides that all on its own . For instance , you can 't use the Thigh Master every night and expect it to shrink your thighs . At most , you will be build muscle in your thighs . Cardio exercise burns fat , but it could come off of anywhere on your body , regardless of what machine you 're using or exercise you 're doing . Comment : If you 're working out an hour a day , why can 't you eat whatever you want ? Metabolism , metabolism , metabolism . It 's a very delicate balance , and it 's different for every person . The one thing that is true for most people is that the food is 90 percent of the battle . For the most part , it 's simple math : You have to have a calorie deficit to lose weight . So if you 're burning 300 calories at the gym and you go home and eat whatever you want , you 'll make up that deficit with just one bag of chips , for example . So you have to make sure that the calories you are consuming are less than the total calories required to sustain your current weight . There are calorie calculators online that can help you determine that . Keep in mind that they are just estimates , however , based on your height and weight . Many other factors enter in . Comment : You should try a low - fat diet . That 's what I do , and then I can eat more . Low fat doesn 't necessarily mean low calories . Many candies Posted by Well , it was time . I 'd been resisting the temptation to buy new clothes . My argument was that I 'm in transition mode . So why plop down a whole bunch of money on clothes I hope to not fit into in a few months , anyway ? My mom 's argument was more convincing than mine : " The waistband of those pants is practically doubled over , held up only by a belt , and there 's so much extra fabric , it 's making you look puffy around the middle . I never want to see those pants again . Like it or not , you 're buying new pants . " What do you say to that besides , " OK , mom " ? I should realize , when my mom has that certain look on her face , arguing is futile . So I did what I hate to do most : I headed to hilltop on a Saturday to shop . Dear God , hilltop on a Saturday . The things we do for our mothers . My favorite store in the WORLD is Maurice 's . They have the cutest , trendiest clothes for all sizes of girl . You will find no matronly pieces in the place , even if your booty is bodacious . And thanks to the clearance rack , I found two pairs of work pants for $ 16 apiece and a jean skirt for $ 8 . I also got a non - clearance pair of jeans with a great wash for $ 32 . I mean , seriously . Bargain City . Then we went to Gordmans , where there 's always something unexpected ( wink , wink ) . If you 've never been and you like a good deal , ladies , go check out their tops . Cutest summer tops ever . I bought several . . . . And get this . . . I bought a dress . I did . I bought the first dress I 've owned since . . . oh , jeez , I 'd say my choir concert in sixth grade . So yeah , it 's been a while . I had tried on a similar dress a few weeks ago that from the front was all right , but then I turned to the side and it was all butt , baby . Way too much butt . So I waited it out . And now , it 's not bad at all . The trouble with owning a dress in Mankato is that I have nowhere to wear it . No women at work wear dresses . And if I wore one , people would look at me like I was trying to make some sort of statement about my new body . And I 'm not . Plus , I have a ways to go on my journey , so I don 't want Posted by I only have three more sessions left with Jackie , at least for a while . I debated for a long time about whether I should come up with another $ 500 for 20 sessions to continue our weight - loss journey together . But with summer coming , I 'll be down to only one job . ( I 've been an adjunct at Minnesota State University during the school year . ) I 've also got a trip to New York planned with my baby sister , the first time we 're traveling together , actually . So the $ 500 would have to go on my credit card , and after hitting the big 3 - 0 in December , I 've been trying to be more fiscally responsible . There are other reasons , as well . When I weigh - in for the final time with Jackie the morning of the 25th , I will have been on this journey for 16 weeks , with her guiding me in many ways the whole way . At some point , this little chick has to learn to fly on her own , right ? I have to prove to myself that the lifestyle she and I have tailored for me during the past four months is something that I am capable of sustaining for the rest of my life . So , this bird 's leaving the nest . Thinking about it makes me a little emotional , actually . Jackie and I only met for an hour twice a week , but we 've gotten to know each other a little bit , and I 'm not sure how I will be able to express to her what she 's done for me . Now , granted , a trainer can only get you so far . If I had worked out with Jackie two hours a week and not exercised at all on my own the other five days , or if I had eaten whatever I wanted , I wouldn 't have lost weight . So self - discipline has been a major component of my success . But she has provided so much more than just an hour - long butt - kicking on Mondays and Thursdays . For one , she 's given me the right tools - - more information than I ever thought I would know about calorie deficits , metabolism , the importance of strength - training , the amount of cardio recommended for weight loss . She taught me proper form and technique , what a lunge and a bicep curl and a shoulder press feels like when I 'm doing them correctPosted by I got my butt kicked at the gym this morning . Jackie book - ended our workout with six minutes on the stair - climber machine . This is the first time this particular machine has made its way into my workouts , and let me now say , it has replaced Jackie 's BOSU torture as my most hated gym experience . After an hour of pouring sweat - - doing such crazy activities as stepping sideways across a two - foot stool and doing lunges and squats off the BOSU - - the very last thing I wanted to do , like the LAST THING , was another six minutes on the stair climber . But I did it . And then , just for fun , when I was ready to collapse , we did abs . When I got home , my T - shirt was clinging to my body . And even after my shower , my face was apple red . I could barely lift my arms to shampoo myself . Here 's the thing about today 's workout , though : I deserved every torturous minute of it . You may have seen my column that came out in today 's Health & Fitness section . It proclaimed my 42 - pound weigh loss and 23 - inch loss . And it made a point at the end to say that , by the time the column was put on the page , I was on track to lose another 5 pounds by today . Yeah , well , Ms . Cocky got served by the scale this morning . I didn 't lose a single ounce this week . Wanna know why ? It actually took me a minute to realize why , but then I remembered , " Oh yeah , you ate and drank stuff you weren 't supposed to . " That 's why today 's column is going to sound quite repetative . You 're going to think , " Amanda , didn 't you write something similar to this a few weeks ago ? Didn 't you learn your lesson ? That you can 't eat crap and think you 're still going to lose weight ? " Simply put , people , no . No , I have not learned my lesson , and I will never learn this particular lesson . Eating right and exercising is such a delicate balance , and I will ALWAYS have to reteach myself how to do it right . Let 's take this week for example . Last Monday I 'm riding high on my 42 - pound weight loss , so what do I do ? Hit the gym even harder the next morning ? No . I take my sister to Number 4 and have bPosted by For the three - month benchmark this week , Jackie decided we should assess how far I 've come since day 1 , and the results were pretty astonishing . For once , the numbers were actually on my side . As you 'll recall from Monday , I lost 42 pounds . That 's a 4 - year - old , to help put the number into perspective . Today , we took my measurements . When I started this in January , Jackie measured my chest , waist , abs , hips , thigh and bicep . As of today , I 'm down 23 . 25 inches overall . I 've shrunk 2 feet ! The funny part is where most of the inches came from . My chest ? Down about 5 inches . ( Greeeat . ) My waist ? Another 5 . Abs ? A whopping 8 . 5 inches ! Remember a few weeks ago when I wrote about how my booty is always the last to come around ? That I always lose from my mid - section first and the ol ' derriere hangs onto the chub as long as possible before finally giving in ? Well , I definitely know my body . Listen to these numbers in comparison to the big ' ns above . Hips : 2 . 75 inches . Thigh : 2 inches . Bicep : a measly 1 inch . ( Ho - hum . ) Jackie says we 've been strength - training my thighs and arms so vigorously that the lack of inches lost has to do with muscle gain . I 'm more cynical . I think my body is as stubborn as a Minnesota winter , and it enjoys toying with my emotions . Regardless , I can 't complain too much about what I 've achieved . My plateau seems to have finally broken , and judging by my week 's progress so far , I 'm on track to lose another 5 pounds by Monday . That would put the total at 47 pounds lost , which means by the following Monday , I 'll have surpassed the 50 - pound benchmark . Amazing what a person can do for their health in fewer than four months , isn 't it ? One of my wonderful readers - - who has nearly conquered her own fitness mission to get ready for her daughter 's wedding ( woo hoo ! ) - - dropped off a lovely surprise today : knapsack bundles of chocolate cookies . The newsroom wants to give a shout out to Jane Savage Horton for the treats , which are as fun to look at as they are to eat . ( That 's what I 'm told , anyway . I didn 't eat any , but they LOOKED amazing ) . Chocolate cookies were wrapped in little red bandanas and tied to sticks from trees , to make them look like old - fashioned knapsacks . So cute ! Jane 's mother had once saved the day when Jane forgot it was her turn to bring snacks to Girl Scouts . She showed up with bundles of these treats . What an amazing mom ! Posted by Today was the big day ! I put in a full hour with Jackie before stepping on the Iron Man scale , and it 's all I thought about the whole time , even when I was hoofing it up two flights of stairs to run the track three times . ( Yuck . ) I was fairly confident because I 've been so disciplined the past week or more . But there 's always that lingering doubt that the scale will defy logic and slap you in the face . When that happens , it 's a dreadfully painful blow that stings for , like , days . Not today , friends . ( Drum roll ) . . . 42 pounds ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Woohoo ! ! 42 . . . it 's a good number . I like it . I like it a lot . I am a fitness master ! ! ! There was another number I was excited about , too . The Iron Man scale provides all kinds of information about a person 's body composition , including hydration level , metabolic age and visceral fat reading , which is the fat you carry around your mid - section . The latter is what Jackie was excited to see today . My visceral fat is now in the HEALTHY RANGE . Like Heidi Klum and I , we now have about the same risk of cardio vascular issues . Well , OK , let 's not go crazy . . . but essentially , my risk of heart troubles has practically diminished . I 'm really thrilled with that . So cool that in three months you can improve your health to that degree . ( The booty , well , that 's another story . ) Anyhow , I 'll be talking about all of this on KTOE at 4 p . m . today . Tune in if you can ! Well , today was the second Sunday in a row I didn 't go to the gym . . . . But that doesn 't mean I wasn 't exercising ! ! ! I couldn 't imagine the thought of doing my two hours of weekend exercise inside . The weather was just way , way too gorgeous . So I bet , given the hours upon hours of yard work and dog walking , I put in a good six hours of exercise time yesterday and today . Didn 't even feel like work , it was so gorgeous . My favorite hour was this afternoon ( Sunday ) , when I took the Squish for a walk down to Tourtellotte . I live on North Broad . . . let me stop you there . This is the part where , if we were speaking face to face and I had just told you I live on North Broad , your face would light up and you would say , " Ohhh , North Broad is a beaut - " and I would immediately cut you off . " No , no , " I would say . " I live on North Broad , not NORTH North Broad . I 'm on the dodgy end . The ghetto . You know , the stretch between Mulberry and Madison . " And you would say , " Oh , right . Yeah , well , um , there are some nice places there , too . It 's really hit or miss , isn 't it ? But , yeah . . . " And you would trail off , trying not to insult me with apologies for making assumptions that I was on the beautiful , wonderful , neighborhood - y end of North Broad . I take the Squish up that way often in the spring and summer , and I always longingly think the same things : The lots are about the same size as they are on my end of North Broad . The houses are about the same age . The architecture of the houses is just as diverse . And , yet , NORTH North Broad is where you want to live . North Broad , by me , is where you HAVE to live when mucho moola isn 't part of your day - to - day . It 's such a shame . The only difference between NORTH North and North are owners that have loved and cared for the properties . They 've resodded when needed . They 've painted and sided . They 've replaced windows and doors . Every house the Squish and I pass is another one that is actually fun to look at and think , " Oh wow , look at that stone walkway . Gorgeous , " or , " The shutters were such a good iPosted by
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I don 't know , a foot and a half seems a bit short to be a " missile " . I know that it 's possible something that size could be guided , and then , therefore , a missile . But that sounds more like a rocket . Three men who broke into a home Thursday morning on the city 's East side were confronted by a homeowner with a sword , San Antonio police said . The homeowner , Robert Suniga , told police the men said they were looking for his son . " They were saying that they were SAPD . They were saying they had a search warrant . They were saying that he raped their little sister , " Suniga said . Suniga didn 't buy the mens ' story . Instead of handing over his son , Suniga armed himself for a fight . He went to his bedroom to get a sword that a friend gave him as a gift , telling him to use it to protect his family . Earlier this year we told you the City of San Antonio and CPS Energy are spending more than $ 14 million of your money to replace street lights with energy saving LED fixtures . Now the News 4 WOAI Trouble Shooters have uncovered that all 25 , 000 of the fixtures had to be sent back to the manufacturer because of a glaring defect . Close to 2 , 000 of the street lights are already up in a few areas around the city , but installations came to a halt a few weeks ago when some of the new fixtures began to fail . . . . In September CPS Energy noticed something similar happening : some of the new lights going dark shortly after installation . And the cause ? Rain … getting into the fixtures and shorting them out . A lone Monarch butterfly flew from Albany , N . Y . , to San Antonio Monday not on it 's [ sic ] own , but onboard a Southwest Airlines flight - - for free . It was all to help the butterfly make its migration to Michoacan , Mexico , for the winter . The butterfly emerged from its chrysalis too late to travel with other butterflies and it was already too cold in the northeast to make the trip . . . . " I said , ' What are you doing here ? You 're late ! Your very late for a important date ! ' " said [ the Butterfly Woman of Shokan , N . Y . Maraleen ] Manos - Jones . Chased by a beer truck driver . It 's all there , telling a story in a way that I don 't mind reading over once or twice . Good writing , Ms . Ana Ley . Good writing . Big ' z burgers and fries aren 't the only things popular at this award - winning restaurant - so is the used cooking oil . " The more people you serve , the more grease you go through ( and ) the more full that grease trap is out there , " manager Matthew Coker said . But lately , the grease trap has appeared empty . The fry cooks noticed it first . Then , the restaurant turned to its surveillance cameras . " There 's been what looks like a company truck backing up and stealing it . It has happened to us several times already . " ( from KENS - 5 ) I 'm clueless about this . Do restaurants sell their used grease ? I was always under the impression they had to pay someone to haul it away , like trash , in which case the theft wouldn 't really be that big of a deal . Of course , if the restaurants do make money selling the old oil I can see why they 'd be irked if someone stole it . An especially deadly day for pedestrians on San Antonio streets has other people on alert . Three people were hit and killed Tuesday while crossing busy roadways . San Antonio police said the triple tragedies began with the death of Erna Zwicke , 90 , who was hit while crossing Fredericksburg Road near W . Agarita Avenue in a wheelchair around 7 : 30 a . m . Twelve hours later , a man who friends said was homeless died after being hit by a pickup as he crossed Walzem Road near Montgomery Drive . The driver sped away from the scene , according to police . . . . Shortly after 8 p . m . , San Antonio officers were called to the scene of a third fatal crash . An accident report stated that a 47 - year - old woman was struck by an 18 - wheeler on the Interstate 35 North access road near Fisher Road . Deputy City Manager Pat DiGiovanni said late Tuesday that he made a regrettable , embarrassing mistake by not recusing himself from a committee charged with selecting a construction company for a $ 300 million Convention Center expansion project because of a potential conflict of interest . DiGiovanni , 54 , said he is drafting a letter to the city 's Ethics Review Board that he expects to file this week to determine whether he violated the city 's policies . He served on a bid review committee while negotiating a new job with a nonprofit whose vice chairman has a financial stake in the Convention Center project , the San Antonio Express - News reported last week . . . . DiGiovanni accepted a job as CEO of the Centro Partnership , a nonprofit created to encourage downtown development , the day before he sat on a panel hearing presentations from four companies vying for the Convention Center project . The panel ultimately recommended the project go to a joint venture of Phoenix , Ariz . - based Hunt Construction Group and San Antonio - based Zachry Corp . ( from KENS - 5 ) What , do they have music playing , like ice cream trucks , to let the neighbors know they 're in the area ? Do they park and just hawk their services , like food trucks ? Seriously , how do they get the people who need testing over to the truck to take the test ? I would think most people passing by would have a reaction similar to this guy in the video at the news story link : The school caught the snake and released it somewhere " far away from the school " . That 's too bad . They should have killed it and given the skin to the boy , so he can always remember . And so he can show his grandchildren the snake that wasn 't snake enough to take him out , even as a kid . Seriously , if you are thinking about beginning a career as a petty criminal you might want to start investing in plain clothing . And you might want to start wearing said clothing all the time . You know , just in case . A van plowed into a home in the 3600 block of Crossette Drive near Babcock and Hillcrest Tuesday night . The driver then fled the scene , San Antonio police said . Damages were estimated at $ 6 , 000 , according to San Antonio police . The homeowner was inside when the van came crashing into his sitting room and garage at about 10 p . m . " Well , I thought it was thunder , " Carlos Mata , the homeowner said . " It was big thunder . I thought ( a ) tree fell down . " Bonus strangeness : Just now , when I went to type " WOAI " , I caught myself starting to type " KMOL " instead . How weird is that ? It 's been a while since that station used those call letters . Is that some kind of subconscious long - term memory thing ? Or am I just some old geezer remembering the old days ? Mayor Julian Castro is admittedly a little nervous about speaking at next week 's Democratic National Convention . . . . " I 'm going to talk about my family story . The context of creating opportunity in America . How our nation has been the land of opportunity , and what we need to do in the future to ensure that that path to opportunity is sustained , " Mayor Castro said . Saturday morning Mayor Castro , with his wife Erica , daughter , and brother Julian by his side , said goodbye to a room of hundreds of supporters . Poor Joaquin . Julian seems destined forever to steal his thunder . But he shouldn 't worry . Around here in the Alamo City , we all know he and his twin brother would never do anything that would lead us to confuse the two . A man believed to be a construction worker whose family told police he 'd been missing for days was found dead at the bottom of a smokestack at the Pearl Brewery on Tuesday . Workers reported smelling a foul odor and called police to the 300 block of Pearl Parkway just before 1 p . m . . . . Police believe he had been working on a construction project in a building adjacent to the smokestack , which bears the words " PRIDE " and " PEARL " in large white letters . He apparently was inside a covered walkway that connects to the smokestack when he fell to the bottom from a height of about 20 feet , [ San Antonio Police Department Sgt . Javier ] Salazar said . Police say a man identified as Sean Foxx , 27 , proposed to his girlfriend , Treila Woods , 24 , after the pair had just been arrested in connection with an aggravated robbery at a Family Dollar Store . Investigators said Foxx was in a getaway car outside the store Monday morning waiting for Woods to come out . Store managers claim Woods was shoplifting and attempted to stop her as she was leaving through a broken door . Foxx saw what happened and then went inside , police said . . . . Foxx and Woods were arrested a short time later and charged with aggravated robbery . Police said after the arrest Foxx popped the question and Woods accepted . ( from KSAT - 12 ) Ruben Chavez and his girlfriend , Denise Ramos , left their west San Antonio home to get food from McDonald 's . When they returned , a vehicle had driven through their house . . . . Ramos and Chavez live in the 700 block of S . Navidad . Emergency crews were called out to the home just before 2 a . m . for a car that smashed into their home . The 21 - year - old man who was driving the vehicle was in the driveway , according to San Antonio police . He reportedly hit the accelerator instead of the brakes . That sent his vehicle barreling into the house . ADDED : This truck wimped out . It didn 't dare take on a cop 's house . It decided to take on the city 's pound instead , thinking that the animals might be grateful to escape . The accident happened around 12 : 15 p . m . Friday at the main [ Animal Care Services ] facility in the 4700 block of Highway 151 . ACS spokesperson Lisa Norwood told News 4 WOAI the vehicle hit their training center . Norwood said it appeared a vehicle traveling on Highway 151 drove off the highway , over the grassy median and access road and then into the building . A medical helicopter missing half its landing gear came to a gentle rest on top of three mattresses during an emergency landing at San Antonio International Airport , where the aircraft was diverted after it struck a cellphone tower early Sunday . Around 3 : 30 a . m . , a PHI Air Medical chopper carrying one patient and three crew members hit a tower near Interstate 35 and Binz - Engleman Road , knocking off one of the aircraft 's two skids , PHI spokesman Brad Deutser said . . . . [ SAFD Captain Kevin ] Campbell said the pilot , communicating through the airport 's control tower , asked if firefighters had anything to put under the chopper so it could land . . . . " He suggested mattresses , and I told Engine 23 to grab three or four mattresses from the dorm . We also brought out weights from our weight room to hold the mattresses down . " . . . " It was tense for a little bit , " Campbell said , " but we stacked the mattresses and weighted them down with four , 45 - pound plate weights and he landed on top of it . It worked great . " The Bexar County Sheriff 's Office is investigating the shooting of an off - duty deputy in his home . However , the incident , initially , is being called " accidental . " The deputy , who works as a detention officer at the Bexar County jail , was celebrating his 26th birthday when he was shot , according to sheriff 's investigators at the scene . . . . [ Sgt . Louis ] Antu said the deputy was in a bedroom of the home in the 2300 block of Marilyn Kay Street when he was shot in the hand with a shotgun , nearly severing his index finger . The shooting happened during the deputy 's birthday party , and there were several people in the home at the time , including other off - duty detention officers , deputies and dispatchers , Antu said . Because some of the party guests had been drinking alcohol , detectives , at first , had difficulty in getting information . . . . San Antonio Police Department records show at least two other calls at the home . Police officers investigated a burglary at the deputy 's home in late July . In January , someone at that address suffered a drug overdose , police said . Sure , I 'm just going to store some slot machines in the shed . That 's all . Nothing to worry about . Don 't mind the line of people going in there at 3 : 00 a . m . , though . They 're just techs . San Antonio - based restaurant chain Sushi Zushi will reopen some locations as early as next week , CEO Alfonso Tomita said this morning . All eight of Sushi Zushi 's locations , which include four in the Alamo City , closed their doors on Friday after about 100 employees didn 't show up to work because U . S . Immigration and Customs Enforcement was conducting an audit of the company , Tomita said . The chain employees about 500 people , he said , speaking to reporters at the location on Basse Road . A sign hanging on the restaurant 's door said Sushi Zushi is hiring for all positions . Tomita said it 's particularly difficult to find sushi chefs . Executive chef Luis Ramirez is among those who didn 't show up to work last week , Tomita said . About a dozen police officers responded to a call about an alleged riot in progress in a Southwest Side neighborhood this morning . Former City Councilman and Texas House District 117 hopeful Phil Cortez was speaking to members of the media inside his home , where he alleged that his opponent in the Democratic runoff , lawyer Tina Torres , doesn 't live in the district . Outside , meanwhile , the " riot " consisted of about a dozen pro - Torres protesters , who were chanting that Cortez shouldn 't spend his time keeping tabs on his opponent . But inquiring minds want to know : How much " merchandise " was he carrying ? And was he worried about it melting ( this is summer , you know ) ? Did he have a freezer handy ? And what was he eating at the time ? A drumstick ? A fudgesicle ? One of those weird foot - shaped things with a gumball in the big toe ? Choco - taco ? Juan Jose Del Toro did whatever he could to escape police custody early Saturday , including attempting to bribe two officers - and attacking one of them - jumping about 14 feet onto a highway and then trying to cling to the side of an 18 - wheeler , a recently released police report said . When an officer stopped Del Toro . . . he jumped out of the vehicle and tried to walk away , the report said . He refused to give the officer an ID and then told her there was a warrant out for his arrest and tried to bribe her with $ 50 , according to the report . When the officer attempted to handcuff him , Del Toro punched her in the face and she fought back . . . . Del Toro ran south on Jackson Street and jumped to the lower level of Interstate 35 North . A second officer on the way to help saw an 18 - wheeler pulled over and slowly moving forward , so he stopped his cruiser and ordered it to stop , the report said . Del Toro was hanging on the outside of the cab 's passenger side . Once he was in custody Del Toro upped the ante , the report said , this time offering $ 100 to the officer to let him go . " I told ( arrested person ) that I wasn 't going to prison for 10 years for a $ 100 bribe , " the officer wrote in the report of the conversation . " He replied ' I won 't tell anyone you took the money . It will be ok . ' " No , I 'm not taking a stand on whether or not it 's a good idea to allow alcohol sales at private events after hours on the grounds of the Alamo . I 'm expressing amazement at the notion that there could be such a thing as a " beer machine " , for which I 'm imagining a fully - functioning robotic unit that dispenses beer with mechanical precision ( preferably while rolling around on tracks or mounted to a mech frame ) , not just a pressurized tap . And then I 'm realizing that such a thing is not a thing , and that it will never be available to me at the Alamo . Things are still pretty busy for me . Hopefully I will start catching up around mid - July , and I hope to get back to regular blogging at that time . Until then , I will still catch up on my regular blog reads . The automobiles are starting to lose their mojo . Not only are they missing their domicile targets ( apparently ) , now they are also bungling their attacks to the point of harming their own . It 's a shame , really . Though I have been busy lately , it seems that the vehicles have not relented on their pugnacious attacks upon our very homes . And fences . So I must report on them . Neighbors say Bexar County is finally taking responsibility two weeks after an elderly woman was removed from her home after her skin was eaten away by fleas . A Northwest Bexar County neighborhood begged county agencies for more than a year to help the woman . There 's now a plan to care for the several animals she kept on the property . . . . A [ nimal ] C [ are ] S [ ervices ] says it removed two dogs at the request of the Bexar County Sheriff 's Office on May 21 . Since then , the hold - up has been a warrant to gain legal access to the property . ACS officer Jeanne Martinez says the agency now has the warrant and a plan . " We 're working in cooperation with the neighbor and we 're going to be taking the traps out to him , " she says . " He will be watching over the traps to make sure the animals are safe once they 're caught . " I don 't know what anyone else 's experience with ACS is , but mine is that they are barely engaged with the citizens they are supposed to be serving . Wild animal in your yard ? Call someone else . Stray cat or dog causing problems ? Trap it yourself , get it spayed or neutered , then release it back into your own neighborhood . Need to give up a pet , for any reason ? Fork over some money , first , and then make an appointment for the convenient day of Wednesday . Any other problems ? Don 't bother us . Bonus strangeness : The guy wasn 't hurt that bad ! He 's expected to be OK ! Though I bet he needs some new pants after this one . Did you remember it was Fiesta ? Have you been having a good time ? There are a couple of days left to the party , so you 've still got time to put your party face on and share it with friends , if you haven 't done so already . ( from KSAT - 12 ) I guess those bollards don 't do much good , in real life . Or maybe they do . Maybe that car would have ended up doing a lot more damage without them . Officers arrested the driver and found a large zip - lock bag of pot inside the car . Marcs said it appeared to her the teen was under the influence . " When I asked him if was OK he was like , ' Oh my God , what did I do ? Where am I ? ' , I had to get his driver 's license just to get his name , " Marcs said . Kinda hard to feel sorry for this guy . Police say the man suspected of fatally stabbing two women and injuring an 11 - year - old boy on Thursday morning was hospitalized after getting hit by a truck while running from police . San Antonio police Chief William McManus said 36 - year - old Corey Hiller is expected to survive . Hiller is accused of stabbing his 39 - year - old ex - girlfriend Rhonda Watson - Hammonds , her 11 - year - old son and a 48 - year - old family friend on Thursday morning at a house in the 4500 block of Emil Street . . . . Hiller , who fled the scene and was missing Thursday morning , was later spotted and led police on a chase that ended when the suspect bailed out of his car near I - 35 and Walters . " Just when he got to the top of the highway , he turned around and made an obscene gesture to the police officers who were following him - trying to apprehend him - and then threw a knife at the officers , " said McManus . " We don 't know if it 's the same knife that was used this morning . But then he ran out into the highway and was struck by a truck . " ( from KENS - 5 ) I don 't believe in karma , but if I did this incident would have bolstered my faith . If you decide to embark upon a life of crime , you might want to seriously consider what you 're wearing when you commit your illegal deeds . You know , in case you get caught after trying to carjack someone . And you get put on television wearing your Stewie - as - thug T - shirt . Gruesome . Edward Turgeon , 82 , died Monday morning after suffering severe leg injuries while clearing heavy brush from his property in the 5600 block of South Flores . Turgeon was using an old - style bush whacker with a circular saw when he somehow fell and the blade cut both of his legs . " The blade is not even sealed . It 's wide open , " said Moses Garza , a longtime friend and tenant , who rented out space on Turgeon 's property . " It 's a dangerous piece of equipment there . " ( from KSAT - 12 ) The old man probably had that horrific piece of equipment since the days when he was a young man , so many years ago . Those were more dangerous times , in many ways . Apparently someone thinks he 's a rock - and - roll rebel . Daniel Athens , 21 , was allegedly intoxicated when he was detained in front of the Alamo around 9 : 25 p . m . , according to a member of the Alamo Rangers . He was arrested on two Class C misdemeanors , for public intoxication and urinating in public . According to Melinda Navarro , the Alamo Committee chairwoman with the Daughters of the Republic of Texas , Athens walked around the olive tree in front of the shrine , then ducked under a chain and did his deed on the nearly 300 - year - old limestone façade . One of three rangers guarding the historic site Saturday night saw Athens , Navarro said . There were numerous visitors also on the grounds . " The ranger started running towards him , but the guy had already done his thing , " she said . " So he took him inside the gates and waited for the San Antonio Police Department . " ( from the Express - News ) But , also just as apparently , this isn 't such a rebellious thing to do . The last person arrested for urinating at the Alamo was in January 2009 , according to published reports . Do it first , you 're a rebel . Do it fifth , you 're just a copycat . This is a heart - warming story that started off scary , included some heroic behavior , and ended happily with a bit of sentence to go with your solace . Gina Walker said she was only a few weeks pregnant with her fifth child when things first started going wrong . . She thought she had a miscarriage but it turned out she had a blood clot . She said things got worse from there . " The whole pregnancy was horrific . Every week was a new symptom , a new hemorrhage , a new blood clot , a new this , a new that . The baby was going to have issues , " she said . Eventually , doctors said she had a condition called Placenta Percreta , which occurs in about 1 percent of all pregnancies . . . . Parker said the medical team was prepared for a lot of bleeding [ during the birth ] but they had never had a case this complicated . They expected Gina to need about 10 liters of blood . She required 117 . That 's roughly about 35 gallons of blood . . . . Friends , family and hospital staff rushed to donate blood to keep up with the demand . ( from KSAT - 12 ) The mother survived . And so did the baby . And we all have those friends , family , and hospital staff workers to be grateful to . Thank you . For those who don 't know , camping out in the city parks on Easter weekend is a tradition for some people . They 've been doing it for a long time , and they 're going to keep doing it , no matter what , so the City of San Antonio accommodates them by lifting the ban on overnight camping for the weekend . It 's sort of like an annual Occupy event that 's been going on for decades , but one that 's less angry and that 's over by Monday morning . If you 've never camped out in the parks yourself , KSAT - 12 has a brief look at the scene . For your entertainment , of course . The station sent one of its brave - - and perhaps a bit foolish - - reporters out on Sunday morning to see what it 's like when these campers first wake up for their Easter festivities . Or , really , when they get woken up by a bright light and a camera . Check it out . The fun part really starts at 1 : 10 . Did you see it ? Something hot and flamy fell through the sky over San Antonio today . People who reported seeing a fiery ball of light in the cloudless noon sky today really did see an unidentified flying object . The flying object has not been identified . But no one has conjectured that it held little green men with giant eyes . It 's likely falling space debris or a meteor , according to the National Weather Service . . . . Jane Marke , an amateur astronomer , said she was at a traffic light near the airport when she saw a bright light streaking across the eastern sky at 11 : 49 a . m . " I saw a brightness of light fall from the sky , going very fast , " said Marke . " I would say it was about 1 magnitude . That 's about as bright as you can get . " ( from the Express - News ) I didn 't see today 's event , but I did see something similar and very cool back in the late 1980s ( possibly early 1990s ) . That something was a Russian satellite . On that night so many years ago , I was driving home from work sometime between 10 : 00 and 11 : 00 p . m . , and I saw a big ball of flame burn its way across the black sky . It definitely surprised me , and I slowed down almost to a stop ( don 't worry ; rural roads - - little to no traffic ) just so I could watch the thing lumber across the sky until it burned out . I say " lumbered " because it didn 't look like the streak of a typical meteorite . It looked big , and it looked like it was moving slow , and it was definitely burning . I could see real flames , and it took several seconds for the fires to burn themselves out into the blackness of the night . I went home , thinking I had seen a meteor . And , since I lived alone at the time , I had no one to share the experience with right away . And then the next morning on my way to class I listened to the morning news on the radio and heard them announce that a defunct Russian satellite had re - entered the atmosphere and burned up somewhere over Central Texas . I was ecstatic ! I had seen it ! I had actually been in a position to witness such a hardcore event firsthand , with my own eyes , andPosted by Where did this guy think he was ? Mexico ? According to a police report , the restaurant manager approached two officers in the parking lot as they were about to enter the business to buy food . The manager told officers about a man who was acting aggressively toward customers , cussing at them , and banging his head against a glass partition , the report said . While the officers were talking to the manager , [ Alejandro ] Alviar walked out of the Subway with his fists balled up and approached the officers , the report said . At one point , he threatened to head - butt an officer , but the officers tackled him and took him to the ground , police said . After he was in handcuffs , they said , Alviar admitted to drinking and using drugs earlier in the evening . Two other officers who had arrived later to transport him to jail said he offered them up to $ 200 cash to let him go . ( from KSAT - 12 ) He offered a bribe to the police officers of " up to $ 200 " ? What , was he negotiating ? Well , this seems like an odd way to convince someone . Police have charged a San Antonio man in the beating of a woman who refused to partake in a sexual threesome . Jack Lee Buck , 50 , was charged late Saturday with enhanced family violence assault , a third - degree felony . Bail was set at $ 15 , 000 . Police responded to a domestic disturbance at a house in the 4000 block of Lord Road in December . A woman there said Buck had struck her in the knees and back using a wooden baton outside the home after she declined the threesome . ( from the Express - News ) A wooden baton ? Do they mean a police baton ? If not , why not just say " stick " ? Because of a tumor . Many in the Judson Independent School District will recall the arrest last August of Edward Hernandez , a volunteer coach and Judson Athletic Booster Club president accused of stealing $ 7 , 758 of its funds . When he pleaded no contest last week to the felony theft charge , Hernandez said his attorney submitted a letter to the court from Dr . David Garrett Jr . , his neurologist , in hopes his medical condition could lead to deferred adjudication . While he awaits the outcome , Hernandez said he wanted to share the letters contents so the public can judge " the whole story , " not just the mug shot that many saw aired last summer . In his letter , Garrett described how he removed a large benign brain tumor last January that affected Hernandez 's personality , behavior and memory for at least the past two years . " He ( Hernandez ) should not be held responsible for any behavior that violates social norms because he had little to no control over his impulses due to the tumor , " Garrett wrote . ( from KSAT - 12 ) I do understand that physical injury to a brain can cause personality changes , memory loss , and behavioral problems ( because I do remember Phineas Gage ) , but is Hernandez fine now ? He seems to be going to great effort to repay the money , so there 's no reason to disbelieve his excuse , and he does have the testimony of his neurologist . All signs point to recovery , and I hope that 's the case . I hope Hernandez turns out OK . But it 's definitely a different situation . This time for real ! The accident happened around 1 : 45 p . m . Thursday in the 4300 block of Knollshire , near Classen Road and Stall Road . A neighbor said she was working in her yard when she saw a Range Rover traveling at a high rate of speed crash into the front of the home . The homeowner said he was asleep in his bedroom in the back of the house when he heard was [ sic ] sounded like a " sonic boom " and then climbed out a window . He was not injured . ( from WOAI - TV ) Great . Not only are the automobiles out to wreak their horrible vengeance upon our domiciles ( and doing pretty good jobs , too ! ) , but now they travel faster than the speed of sound ! What terrifying powers will they manifest next ? And apparently it really was just the car ! By itself ! Police responded to a crash Tuesday morning where a car became impaled by a guardrail , but the driver was nowhere to be found . The accident happened around 2 : 30 a . m . at Loop 410 and Exchange Parkway . Officers responded to the scene and said at least two feet of guardrail was on the driver 's side but nobody was inside the vehicle . A short time later , police said they found a man wandering around behind a strip mall . Police said the man was intoxicated , but not injured . ( from KSAT - 12 ) Not injured , but probably a lot more sober . 1 . NO ALL CAPS . 2 . No spam . 3 . No baseless accusations . 4 . No personal attacks or threats . 5 . Go easy on the profanity . For more details , click here .
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Category : Book Reviews Before I Fall by Lauren Oliver January 27 , 2016January 27 , 20161 Comment This is a hard review for me to sit down and write , because I have so many conflicting feelings about this book . Honestly , it was one of the more frustrating books I have ever read , but I didn 't want to put the book down . I was definitely intrigued , and mainly wanted to see how Oliver would wrap up the whole ending , which is completely bittersweet by the way . So overall , I liked this book . It wasn 't the best or anything and definitely had flaws , but nevertheless still a good read . Now that I got that out of the way , let 's delve into the specifics . The characters in this book were the big thing for me . This book is told from the perspective of the " mean girls " of the school , and I absolutely hated them . They would say something and I was rolling my eyes , because I just couldn 't handle their attitudes . From the pov we are reading from , it is actually a bit sad , because they do these mean things and there are times when they don 't even know they are doing it . Even so , you learn that this book is about redemption , so you are clinging to the book , hoping that they will change their ways or at least attitude . Samantha was just a great character for me , because you don 't want to like her at first , but as you go on this journey with her , you see some subtle changes . Another unique part of this story is it 's plot . It is a groundhog day sort of deal , but the middle of the book really begins to drag for a few pages . The same thing is happening over and over , and Sam at this point still hasn 't changed . However , her last few days solve this issue because they are very good and some are quite touching . In fact , my favorite scene of this entire book is the day she spends with her family and going out with her sister . It was seriously one of the cutest sibling scenes I have ever read ! It also the real turning point for Sam , because she is starting to accept death in a way , and is trying to right her wrongs . So yeah , the characters and overall story , while they may not be fantastic , were still pretty good . Here 's my main issue : all of these " redemptive " actions Sam takes really mean nothing . Because of the way the story is set up , after the final moment , all of her friends and family won 't remember what she went through the past 7 days except the last one . She kisses a guy that has loved her for years when she knows she will be gone in a few hours . We also never see what happens after the car accident , which I think would have been a great way to show how the people around Sam felt after she died . As I said , this is a difficult book to review . I haven 't felt this conflicted over a book in a long time ( I have no idea how I am going to rate this book ! ) If it sounds like a book you may enjoy , read it . I can 't really say whether you will love it or hate it , because after reading other reviews , they are very mixed . Carry On by Rainbow Rowell Book Review January 2 , 20164 Comments Before I get into the specifics , let me just say that this wasn 't exactly my cup of tea . I went into this book with pretty high expectations due to the hype surrounding the novel . I had heard from countless people stating that even if you didn 't like the Simon and Baz shorts in Fangirl , that this was completely different . As someone who didn 't care for that aspect of Fangirl , my hope for this book was renewed , but I was unfortunately disappointed . Really , the saving grace of this book for me was the ending and climax . First off , the pacing of this book drove me insane . It 's awkward in the beginning because we are thrown into the last year of Simon 's schooling , but with all things considered , I feel Rowell still did a good job of filling us in on everything we needed to know . Honestly , the first half of the book really dragged , and the few plot points that did occur were extremely predictable . That being said , once you get to the last 100 to 150 pages , SO many things happen , and while it 's a tad overwhelming , it is extremely exciting and intriguing . As I mentioned before , this was definitely my favorite part and the saving grace of this book . Then , we have the characters . I 'm going to straight out say it - I don 't like Simon Snow . I thought that as the book went on I would grow to like him , but I was really more annoyed and frustrated with him , and could honestly care less about what happened to him . Not exactly good traits for a main character . Baz on the other hand was at least interesting , and we could see a layered character with several different emotions . Penelope was a carbon - copy of Hermione , so naturally I loved her and her boldness to pieces . Then there was Agatha , and I still don 't know why she has a pov , because she honestly contributes nothing to story at all . Now , the few and far apart Lucy chapters were very intriguing and it was probably one of my favorite story lines . So much information is revealed in these short chapters , and while reading them I had several realizations about the story . While I may not have liked all of the characters , I do appreciate the fact that they all have distinct voices . This book changes point of view several times , even within the chapter , and you knew which character you were reading from without even looking at the name . That is something that other authors have not been able to accomplish , so props to Rainbow Rowell , because it is difficult . This is one of the strangest fantasy books I have read , because it doesn 't feel like a fantasy ! At most , it feels like a contemporary with magic thrown in . You don 't know much of anything about the World of Mages or how things works . Their spells are pop - culture references , which is honestly the most bizarre part of it all for me . Seriously , there are intense scenes where they are spelling nursery rhymes ! ? I love references in books , but in a fantasy it seems oddly placed . That being said , I still loved recognizing certain references , especially the spell " these are not the droids you are looking for . " XD Also the Insidious Humdrum was just a weird villain , but I can 't say much about him without spoiling . So for me , Carry On definitely did not live up to what I was expecting . However , just because this book wasn 't for me , I won 't say it wasn 't a good . It just didn 't mesh with me very well , but at the same time , someone else could read it and love it ! Another big thing for me is my general disliking for the enemy - to - lover trope , which is a big part of this book , so if that doesn 't bother you , Carry On is definitely a book I would recommend . This story is a different twist on fantasy , as well as a hint of satire , making the overall tone of the novel unique . Definitely give this book a try , and see what you think about this book . As you may know , I have jumped on the Throne of Glass series , and I have absolutely fallen in love with it . Right now , I am up to date with everyone else , and have to wait for Queen of Shadows ( which is thankfully only a month away ! ) . If you haven 't read this series , or just the book Heir of Fire , do not read any more of this review , because you don 't want this great series to be spoiled ! ! Where do I even begin to write a review on such a wonderful book ? Normally I try to break reviews down into characters / plot / writing , but there are three different storylines going on in this book . I 'm just going to discuss all of these , because I have so much to say First we have the Manon storyline . I 'll be honest - I really didn 't care for her chapters . I wasn 't really hooked until closer to the end of the book . I constantly wanted to go hurry up and finish her chapters so I could get more of the exciting bits in other character 's perspectives . But I will admit , as they went on , I grew to like them much more . This was a perfect developing storyline for the entire series , and I really can 't wait to see how the King 's plan unfolds . IT was mentioned that the Thirteen weren 't eating the weird meat , which was used to control the witches , so I want to see how they act since they aren 't influenced by the King . Also , after I finally figured out what the heck a wyvren was , I enjoyed the dragon training much more . Then we have the " what 's going on in Adralan " chapter that were split between Chaol , Aedion , Dorian , and a couple from Sorscha . I really loved these chapters , because we got to see everything in Adralan and two familiar characters . I , like many others , was EXTREMELY annoyed by Chaol ! I mean I understand that your job is to protect the kingdom , but if the flipping the PRINCE supports Celaena , I think you can to buddy . Eventually he came to his senses . Then we have Aedion , who was the jerkiest Jerk ever , until Oh wait , he 's not a jerk at all . The full - out loyalty that Aedion showed to Aelin was so adorable , and I really really hope he gets out of jail and we get our Aedion / Aelin reuinion . Speaking of him being in jail , that was just one of the may terrible things that went on in the end . I mean I loved Sorscha and Dorian together , and they both deserved happiness , and her head is just cut off . Not only that but now Dorian has that collar on ! I CAN ' T HANDLE DORIAN BEING A SLAVE . Nope . Nope . Nope . We need to save him and fast , before the worst father of the century does something . Finally , we have the glorious Celaena chapters . Basically , these were always my favorite to read , because it 's Celaena . She travelled to visit her aunt Maeve , and she has to do all this training to prove her magic . Enter in Rowan , the meanest trainer ever , that I absolutely came to adore . The relationship that formed between Rowan and Celaena was so awesome . You could see their respect for each grow each chapter , and their friendship just became so important . They have all these adventures together and they really grow close , close enough to where she frees him from Maeve and he performs the blood oath to Aelin . I can 't wait to see this duo further into the series , and I 'm oddly excited for Rowan to meet Chaol and Dorian . I could go on forever about how great of a 3rd book in a series this is , but I 'm making myself stop . This book was the first time we really stepped out of Adarlan , and the first time we saw a glimpse of what was to happen . Sarah is planting all these seeds now , and I can 't wait to see them blossom . If you haven 't heard of Paper Towns yet , you must be living under a rock , because it 's been EVERYWHERE the past few months ! I remember when this was announced to become a movie and I was beyond excited . The Fault in Our Stars adaptation was so well on screen , and I couldn 't wait to see this one too . I saw this movie a few days ago , and I 'm still thinking of how wonderful it was . However , it seems I have sort of the unpopular opinion here . I see all these people pointing out these things and saying how it was completely ruined . GUYS . This is a great adaptation , so let 's stop judging it so harshly ! First off , the actors in this were truly phenomenal . I was apprehensive at first with Nat Wolff playing Q , since I thought I would see Issac , but he did a great job making them distinct and their own characters . Cara was exactly as I pictured the mysterious Margo . Austin Abrams was a hilarious yet geeky Ben . Finally , Justice Smith as Radar . He may just have been my favorite character in this movie . PETITION TO HAVE JUSTICE PLAY THE COLONEL IN LOOKING FOR ALASKA PLEASE . The first part of the movie with the Margo / Q adventure was very exciting . For a movie , they did as well as they could with all the pranks . I personally wasn 't bothered by the missing 2 tasks , including the Sea World one . The way they captured that night and how Quentin was apprehensive but still followed Margo was just like the book . After Margo disappears , they start finding all the clues and everything , which leads to the most epic road trip ever . The only thing that was missing for me in the movie was the thought of " Did Margo kill herself ? " Instead , the deadline was Prom , which was fine , I just wish there was more to it . For the road trip part , I liked the changes they made in the movie . After seeing Angela with the gang , I wish she had been included in the book , so we would 've have known her better . The scene where they are running through the gas station getting supplies was one of my favorites from the book , and it was hilarious in the movie . Everyone in the theater gasped when they saw Gus ! Yes , there were changes made in the movie . It wasn 't after graduation and the deadline was prom , but who cares ? It still turned out as a great movie , and I had tears streaming down my face from laughter . Here were some of my favorite scenes . As you may know , for the last part of July , I have done a buddy read for the book Say What You Will . For the next few days there will be discussion posts about this book , but first I wanted to start off my review . Here is the goodreads summary if you want an idea of what this book is about . Born with cerebral palsy , Amy can 't walk without a walker , talk without a voice box , or even fully control her facial expressions . Plagued by obsessive - compulsive disorder , Matthew is consumed with repeated thoughts , neurotic rituals , and crippling fear . Both in desperate need of someone to help them reach out to the world , Amy and Matthew are more alike than either ever realized . When Amy decides to hire student aides to help her in her senior year at Coral Hills High School , these two teens are thrust into each other 's lives . As they begin to spend time with each other , what started as a blossoming friendship eventually grows into something neither expected . I will say I do have some mixed opinions about this book . There were some things that I loved , while other things that I didn 't . This book truly was very unique to me despite it 's flaws , and it wasn 't what I expected . From all the talk about this book , it sounded like it would take The Fault in Our Stars route , but it most definitely didn 't . The characters in this book were very diverse and unique and that was the thing I loved most about this book . Cammie dared to be different by writing about a cerebral palsy patient and someone affected by OCD . They way she portrayed Amy and Matthew was truly wonderful . I loved how simple their relationship was in the beginning and seeing how it grew overtime . During this book , I learned a lot about two disabling disorders , and it was very interesting to see what these two had to go through . The whole idea of having other students help Amy at school so she could make friends was amazing . At first , I thought every but Matthew would blow Amy off , but they really were there and I wish we would 've had more development with them . Overall , I loved the beginning of this plot , but as it went on , instead of getting better , it got worse . Many people say they started disliking Amy when she started throwing all the tasks at Matthew to help his OCD . While it seemed very harsh in the book , I suppose that is a way you have to deal with it , and it really showed how much Amy cared about him to help him . Matthew was always so insecure and would just shut down , and while it was frustrating , I thought it accurately showed him as a character going what he was going through . The two had major miscommunication problems , and so many things could have been fixed if they would just talk . The big " twist " of Amy being pregnant was when it started to go down hill for me . It sort of came out of nowhere and was really out of character . Everything afterward sort of dragged , and I feel the ending would 've been much better if that twist was never enacted . There was all kind of build - up about the relationship of Amy and Matthew , and it ended very abruptly . There were many pages left in my book because of a preview , but I thought it was still part of the story . So when I came to the last page , I didn 't know it was the last page because there was no closure . Finally , the main thing with this book was the 3rd person perspective . There were so many emotional parts of the book that you could see , but you could never really feel the emotion . I wanted to be inside the character 's heads as they went through all their hardships , but instead we just got an oustide glance . Overall , I thought this was a great read , but there were many flaws . It was still a very intriguing read , and I would recommend it because the first half of the book is beautiful . If only it had continued like that the rest of the way . Crown of Midnight is a the sequel to Sarah J . Maas ' Throne of Glass , which I adored with all my heart . If you have not read Throne of Glass or Crown of Midnight yet , what is wrong with you do not read this review . It will have some serious spoilers for the series that you will want to experience while reading . Normally at this point I would give a little non - spoilery summary , but even the summary could give things away if you haven 't read the first book , so I 'm just going to avoid that . Go read the books , then you can come back and discuss . If you would have told me that this book would manage to be even better than Throne of Glass , I wouldn 't have believed . Now I know that I was wrong to not believe you . More often than not , sequels are a bit of a letdown for me , but this one was extraordinary . There are so many things to discuss , but this review can only be so long , so I will I finatry to divide everything up as best as possible . Crown of Midnight opens up to Celaena doing her Champion - work for the King , and it is revealed that she isn 't actually killing the people she is supposed to ( which wasn 't a surprise , knowing Celaena ) . It was all going along fine until she got the order to kill Archer Finn , who was said to be a traitor to the King . This was really the beginning of the plot as we learned more about the rebel group and the treacherous things the King has done . At this point , we start learning a ton about magic , especially the wydrkeys used to create the portals . There are three keys total , and if you possess them all you can basically rule the world . At this point we aren 't sure where they are or how many the King has . Sarah J . Maas puts a lot of detail and explanation when explaining her world , and it just makes it so much better . The characters are still the characters I loved in the first book , just enhanced ten times . Celaena managed to become even more epic as a character . Before I delve deeper in the characters , I must say this : Celaena and Chaol 's relationship . I have loved Chaol and his connection with Celaena since the beginning . These two are absolutely perfect , and their scenes together are adorable . But just because I love Chaol , doesn 't mean I don 't love Dorian ! I may not like him as much with Celaena , but he is still an awesome character . He develops so much in this book with his magic , and I can 't wait to see where it takes him . Now for the feels , because Nehemia . I was so heartbroken when she died , especially when we find out she planned it to push Celaena toward the main goal . The entire scene where Celaena finds Nehemia is a devastating scene . This is one of the first times we truly see Celaena crack . I mean she almost killed Chaol , who she deeply cared about ( she killed like the entire rebel group for him ) . Thankfully Dorian 's magic saved the day and we still have Chaol with us . While there were are many great scenes in this book , my favorite is hands down the climax . Celaena goes in the tunnel to open a portal to talk to Nehemia and all hell breaks loose ( literally ) . Chaol , Dorian , and Celaena are all present and everyone learns some interesting facts to say the least . The twist of Celaena being Fae shocking me , but what shocked me more was her knowing about ! We have spent two books in her head and nothing . After learning about it though , small instances and lines throughout the books all made sense . There was actually quite a bit of hidden foreshadowing that I never caught . You think that Celaena 's faeness is the big twist about her in this book , but Maas proves us wrong . Let 's just say we may be calling Celaena Aelin in the future . At this point I was ready to believe anything , so Celaena being the lost princess of Terrasen was pretty normal . All I could think was that in my favorite books , the character ends up being a lost princess , because hello Cinder ! Overall , I absolutely loved this book . Celaena 's relationships with everyone grew so much and we got to know a little more about our mysterious assassin . I know this review was an absolute mess , but that 's probably because I have too many emotions and read this about a week ago . I 'm truly loving the direction this series is going ! Celaena Sardothien is the most well - known assassin in all of Ardalan . When Prince Dorian offers her freedom from the worst prison ever , she knew there was something bigger going on . He said he would give her freedom on one condition : if she competed in the King 's competition to find the next royal assassin . There she will have to face 23 deadly competitors in competitions , and if she wins , all she has between her and freedom is three years of service . Things were going great until the other competitors started showing up dead everywhere . Will Celaena be able to figure out what 's brutally killing the assassins ? Or will she be the next victim ? There you have it . If you haven 't read Throne of Glass yet , DO NOT CONTINUE READING THIS POST . Seriously , this is a book you want to read for yourself , so run to your nearest book place and go read . Oh , how to begin a review of a book like Throne of Glass . I am tremendously mad at myself that it took me this long to get on this train . But now that I 'm on it , I 'm here for the rest of the ride . This book really outdid itself when it came to introducing characters , setting a series plot in motion , and building a new world . With each page , you grow more and more attached . Sarah J . Maas has created some very interesting characters . Celaena is the pinnacle of awesome , butt - kicking female protagonists in young adult books . She can fight better than all the men in this book and is very sassy with he remarks . The two guys in this book , Dorian and Chaol , are also great in their own ways . This story actually has a love triangle I can get behind . While I am an absolute Celaena / Chaol supporter , I still loved her time spent with Dorian . Her interactions with the two are really nice , especially as you see them growing closer to one another . The whole idea of the competition for the King 's champion was to say the least , very wonderful . Chaol made Celaena hold back when she was with the guys , but when she finally showed her real skills , they knew better than to misjudge this little lady . It was easy to call that it would be her vs Cain in finals , but the whole thing with him and the portals made up for it . The scene where Celaena is fighting Cain and the beast is so intense you are almost ripping pages to keep going . I really liked how the competition wasn 't everything to this book , because we also go to see a side of the magic in this world . Everything from Queen Elena visiting to Nehemia and the wydrmarks really gave a small taste of what was yet to come in the series . Throne of Glass was a great starter book in what I will presume to be a great series . With every page you love the characters and this story even more . There are aspects of action , mystery , competition and romance that insure for an exciting tale . I absolutely loved Celaena 's personality and watching her defeat the obstacles set in her way . I can 't wait for more ! Thank goodness I won a copy of this book and wanted to get a review on it fast , because who knows when I would 've picked it up . Akarnae truly blew me and my expectations away . For those of you who know nothing about Akarnae , here is my own little summary . If Alex 's parents didn 't have to leave for eight months for a business trip , she would 've never went to the International Boarding School and walked through a door that took her to another world . However , her parents are gone for eight months and she did walk through a door to Medora , and now she has to deal with it . Thankfully , she is picked up by two guys who take her back to Akarnae , a school for the gifted ( gifted meaning blessed with awesome powers ) . Alex has to learn everything about this new world and try to survive the most insane classes . This world may seem fun at first , but there is only one concern in Alex 's mind : how will she get back to her home ? If that little description doesn 't want to make you pick up this awesome book , here 's something else . This book has aspects from books like Harry Potter and Chronicles of Narnia . I even see a bit of Divergent in it myself . So pretty much you are looking at an awesome training school that takes place in a different world . Akarnae has great world - building , adorable friendships , and a very compelling plot line . That 's about all I can give you without ruining the book , so I suggest stopping now if you haven 't read Akarnae , because the rest of this review is SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS . Seriously , you 'll want to read it yourself . First off , let 's talk about some of the characters . I loved seeing everything through Alex 's point of view , because we are learning everything about Medora with her . Every new fact we learn about Medora , we are right there learning it with her . You can really see how brave she is , especially with the way she reacts to everything thrown at her . Alex develops the most , and I love seeing her gradually start to love this new world she is in . Then there is Bear and Jordan , the two funniest friends a girl can have . They are so supportive and understanding with Alex , and this trio had me smiling like a little kid in a toy store . The dynamics between these friends are absolutely wonderful and I enjoyed every second of it . Finally , we have the elusive D . C . who we all sort of hate at first , but then realize how cool she actually is . The whole princess thing was such a surprise for me , because for a while I thought she was in on the whole lockdown thing . Really loved seeing her and Alex get to know each other at the end of the book . The world that Lynette Noni 's has established in this book is astounding . There are so many little thoughts and details put into everything . All of the technology from the bubble doors to the medicine , everything is so though out and unique . Then of course we have the Library . This was such an interesting setting and I loved delving deeper and deeper into it . I really enjoyed the different levels at the school , especially when we got to see Alex do some expert level combat . Seeing all the classes was one of my favorite parts of the book . Finally , the plot of this book was always surprising me . I loved how Aven always came and messed with Alex 's head . I honestly had no idea what / who he was until he revealed it himself . The thought of him being from Meya never crossed my mind , but everything made sense after it was explained . Also there was Darius as the headmaster . Halfway through I had a thought like that , but dismissed it thinking it wouldn 't happen , but of course it did . This book builds everything up very nicely , and you are always on the edge of your seat . All the journeys that Jordan , Bear , and Alex take to the Library all lead up to the exciting end . Overall , this really is a great book . A part of me wishes I didn 't read it so soon and fast , because now I have to wait so long for the second book . The ending was perfect , but I just want more . Does Alex make it back to her parents ? How will Aven come back in the second book ? Is Alex going to be going back and forth from Freya to Medora ? So many questions ! You have probably heard of Jenny Han 's To All The Boys I 've Loved Before . It was a pretty popular romance book that came out last year . I absolutely loved it and it was one of my first reviews on this blog ! If you haven 't read the first book , I suggest you stopping now , because there are going to be a lot of spoilers . If you haven 't read the sequel yet , the spoilers for you start after the goodreads blurb right below . " Lara Jean didn 't expect to really fall for Peter . She and Peter were just pretending . Except suddenly they weren 't . Now Lara Jean is more confused than ever . When another boy from her past returns to her life , Lara Jean 's feelings for him return too . Can a girl be in love with two boys at once ? In this charming and heartfelt sequel to the New York Times bestseller To All the Boys I 've Loved Before , we see first love through the eyes of the unforgettable Lara Jean . Love is never easy , but maybe that 's part of what makes it so amazing . " Last year I read Jenny Han 's To All the Boys I Have Loved Before and I absolutely fell in love with it . It was one of those cute and cliché pretend relationship that turns into a real one and it was great . One of the better romance books that I read last year . So naturally , I was very excited for the sequel P . S . I Still Love You , especially after the first book 's ending . I just wanted more of this story . Unfortunately , I was a bit disappointed . The characters were pretty much the same as they were in the last book . Lara Jean is like this cute little yapping puppy ; she adorable but can get on you absolute last nerve . She just seemed afraid the entire book , but toward the end she got more confident in herself , which I really enjoyed . Peter is Peter , and I love all the cute moments he has with Lara Jean in this book . Of course , jealousy wasn 't the best color on him , but what do you expect in a cliché romance book . I really enjoyed the addition of John in this book . As much as I liked him as a character , I was really glad him and Lara Jean didn 't get together and ruin the entire Peter plot line . Overall , I liked the characters as much as last time . This is where I get to my real issues : the plot . There really wasn 't anything too exciting to this book plot wise . I thought at the beginning the video recording would be the main thing , but that blew over pretty fast . The whole Genevieve story and her secret wasn 't that great , because you knew Peter wasn 't actually with her . Even the " competition " between John and Peter wasn 't that long . I just felt like this book didn 't have the story line that kept you reading like the first book . However , Jenny Han 's writing style is still amazing . I just love the way she writes her stories . She is also amazing at writing love stories , which was by far my favorite part of this whole book . Lara Jean and Peter together are just so adorable I can 't explain it . When she added John into the equation , I didn 't know what to think . I loved John , but I loved the couple together as well . Just so much cuteness in one book . P . S . I Still Love You had some great scenes despite everything . Like the very fast but very adorable reconciliation of Peter and Lara Jean . I honestly wasn 't expecting them to work things out so fast , but I was glad they did . It gave us a whole book of cute moments of them being together . At the same time , I also loved the part at the nursing home when John and Lara Jean had to spend the night , and they escaped to play in snow and sing Frozen . And of course , you had to love the reconnection of old friends and the intense attacking game . Overall , I did enjoy the book , but it wasn 't at all what I was expecting . Maybe I was just expecting too much from this book . There really wasn 't too much of a story going on . This book 's saving grace is all the cliché fluff that is fun to read . If you read the first book , I would definitely recommend reading this for all the cuteness . If you haven 't read the first one , what are you doing ! Jenny Han has a pretty cute story here if you enjoy romance books . We all thought that Kiera was done with The Selection series after The One , however she had other plans . This book follows Eadlyn , Maxon and America 's older twin daughter , as she goes through the selection process herself as she tries to choose a prince . Below is the Goodreads summary and beneth that is spoiler city , so don 't read the rest of the review if you haven 't read the book . Princess Eadlyn has grown up hearing endless stories about how her mother and father met . Twenty years ago , America Singer entered the Selection and won the heart of Prince Maxon - and they lived happily ever after . Eadlyn has always found their fairy - tale story romantic , but she has no interest in trying to repeat it . If it were up to her , she 'd put off marriage for as long as possible . But a princess 's life is never entirely her own , and Eadlyn can 't escape her very own Selection - no matter how fervently she protests . Eadlyn doesn 't expect her story to end in romance . But as the competition begins , one entry may just capture Eadlyn 's heart , showing her all the possibilities that lie in front of her . . . and proving that finding her own happily ever after isn 't as impossible as she 's always thought The Selection series was kind of a guilty pleasure read for me . They weren 't the best books and they were extremely cheesy , but I still enjoyed reading them . Personally , I don 't think it was necessary to add on to this series ; however , I was able to read a cute story , so I was fine with it . There are many likable aspects of this story just as there are unlikable aspects . I enjoyed the characters , but Eadlyn and I have a love / hate relationship . While it 's admirable that she recognizes she deosn 't need a man , it got really annoying hearing her complaining the entire time . She is so shocked that the people of Illea don 't like her , but in reality it 's totally believable . I did find that she got a bit better as she went through the selection , and grew closer to some of the boys , but for the most part she annoyed me . My two favorite characters were Kile and Henri . These two are both adorable in their own ways , and I loved all their moments alone with the princess . For the rest of the selected , there are a few okay ones , but most of them are just straight up creeps . I actually really liked the fight scenes , because we saw how protective Maxon is over his daughter . Also , America and Maxon are just cute parents . The interactions between Eadlyn and the selected are the better scenes of the book . I especially love the improtu baseball game and the talent show they put on for her . You think that Eadlyn will slowly change her mind , but she never really does until abruptly at the end . However , I think after the food throwing incident , she realized how big the problems were , and she put a bit more effort in . ( Which by the way , I don 't udnerstand why everyone is angry about not being told what to do . Very confusing . ) I feel like I would have enjoyed this book much more if Eadlyn 's attitude changed quicker . America , for example , didn 't want to do the selection , but at least there was a steady development as she started liking Maxon . Eadlyn 's mind was set on her being the most powerful ( she was very egotistical ) and not needing anyone to help her rule . There were exceptions to these times of course . In the end , after pages upon pages of complaining , she finally realizes that she wants to finish the selection with a ring on her finger . Of course , when this realization was stated , it shocked me as there was no former evidence to her having many thoughts like that . One more thing , and I 'll stop ranting about Eadlyn . She is so manipulative . I mean she tried to break up Ahren and his girlfriends when they were literally * perfect * . I loved the twins ' relationship with one another and their closeness , but you don 't meddle with your twin 's love life like that . Eadlyn didn 't care what Ahren would feel , she just wanted to keep her in the palace with her . This lead the Ahren eloping which caused America to have a heart attack . I SWEAR IF AMERICA DIES WHEN HER STORY IS ALREADY OVER I AM GOING TO BE VERY MAD . Overall , this was an okay read . I still like the idea of the selection and it 's enjoyable enough to sit down and read it . Mostly all the scenes with Kile or Henri were my favorite . Don 't go into this expecting to fall in love with the main character , because you most definitely won 't . If you hated reading from America 's point of view , just wait until you meet her daughter . I am however exicted to see this new and improved Eadlyn in the following book . It 'll be interseting to see if my opinions of her change once she actually starts trying at the selection . Nice and easy read that doesn 't involve to much thought . Posts navigation About Me Who am I ? I 'm just a girl making her way through YA books and sharing her passion of reading with others . Recently on the Blog : The Ruler of Books Tag
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I 'm not sure if I 've mentioned this before but my library system is slated to be getting a new main central library . Right now everything is in the planning stages , we don 't even know where it will be . But everyone is very interested in what will go into the new library . A couple of years back one of our branch libraries got a new building . The community input for that was great but minimal . We 've held several public meetings and they were well attended . In the last couple of months the question of what kind technology should be included in the new library . Word has filtered back , via the commissioners , to the library that some people are wondering why we need to build a new building . After all do people really use the library anymore ? If we build a new one we should just stuff it full of computers , that 's why people use the library if they do use the library , right ? For some weird reason I am always surprised when I hear people actually think like this . I mean really ? For all libraries , academic to public to special , they all seem to have at least one thing in common . Letting people know what they do and how valuable they are to their community . I find it that every time our new building comes up in conversation , what the library does comes up as well . About a month ago my director asked one of my old professors from library school , Dr . Anthony Chow , to come to our library and do a presentation about libraries and future technology . It was a great presentation , it was well received among those who were in attendance . Our deputy county manager asked some great questions and was really engaged . This presentation led to a committee being created of local members of our city chambers . The point of the committee I am told is to give us and the commissioners recommendation on what technology should be included in the new central . This past Monday we met with them to do a presentation on where the library was now . I presented on our virtual library , which isn 't exactly part of the technology but is just as important . We kind of went into the meeting trying to prove that as a library unit we are actively aware of current technology and all . Not that we don 't welcome community opinion , because we do . But at the end of the day like every other library it comes down to funding . Sure we would love to provided both pc and mac computers but those trusty dells are so much cheaper to obtain and maintain . I think we got our point across but I will be interested to see what the committee comes up with . We will not meet with them again while they come up with recommendations . Truthfully after our presentation the conversation became more about partnering with these community companies as suppose to what technology was in the library or needed . Yesterday I attended an orientation for our Popular Library , this orientation brings about the end of a number of orientation sessions I 've attended this past month . A while back our associate director felt the need for all the staff that service a public desk should be cross trained at each service desk in the main library . Afterwards each staff member would be charged with serving an hour twice a month to a different department , to be carried out throughout the year . The goal of this cross training is to encourage teamwork and camaraderie among all the different departments in the main library , for which there is five public desks total . At first I will not lie I was apprehensive of this plan and how it would all work out . Not because I didn 't care for the other departments , I 'm all for getting experience in different places to break up the monotonous that comes with an office job . But I was already stressed out about Money Smart Week I couldn 't wrap my head around it . I have truly enjoyed each orientation for each department . Even though I work here and lived in the town all my life , it 's amazing what sort of information is stored in this building . If you live in a place that has a multiple library system , I so urge you to check out the main library often . We are really the heart of the system and we have resources that our branches don 't . I 'm still quite nervous about serving on these desks , because I 'm still getting to know my department . Thankfully I 'm not exhibiting " the deer caught in headlights " look anymore when someone asks about non - profit help or investments . Although I suspect that look might come back when I 'm down in the NC Room and someone wants help reconstructing a local event from 1874 . Today while on the service desk I had a phone call transferred from circulation . It was a guy who had returned a book but had received a letter stating that he still had the book checked out . He was adamant that he had returned the book and had searched both his home and car to avail . I placed him on hold and then search the whole section and our recently returned shelves . I couldn 't find the book and our page had no recollection of seeing the book recently . Going back to the guy I asked him when he would have returned the book and if it was at this location . He said sometime earlier this month and yes to this location . I told him I would do a claims return and that would take it off his record as being delinquent . He seemed okay with this and understood that it was a onetime deal . But then he went on to ask how he could assure this would never happen again , because it had never happen at his other library . At this point I was kind of taken back because he also said he took full advantage of the library and supported it . I felt that these two statements didn 't match , usually when this kind of thing happens and the person is a big supporter of the library they usually understand that these things happened and are grateful to be given the benefit of the doubt as well as giving us the benefit of the doubt . Throughout the whole conversation he was very dismissive towards me even though I was trying to help him . Just as easy as I gave him the benefit of the doubt I could have told him he would have to look for the book some more and there was nothing I could do about it . But in the end I knew it was more important to continue an open relationship with this costumer than have him be an delinquent for one book and stop using the library all together . I assured him that it wasn 't anything personal ; it was not as if he was singled out and chosen to be bullied , and that human and computer error happens in all businesses . I couldn 't tell him what went wrong as the book could show up mysteriously under his bed in a day or two . Or it could miraculously show up on a book truck in a month . These things happen , not just at this library but at them all . It might not have happen to him but I 'm positive that it happened to another person . We get a lot of books checked in and out every day all day , so we might miss a few . He didn 't really seem to care so I said he could always come in and return his books and watch as they discharge before he left . He thanked me for taking care of it and I said sorry for the inconvenience . I hope the book shows up and I hope he doesn 't get caught in this situation . I also hope that if you happened to be reading this entry and aren 't in the library system please know that we would rather have the book than have an upset customer . That 's not how we prefer to make money ; we would just like to have the books for others , nothing personal . Every time I talk to other people about my job it 's usually very predictable . They ask me what I do ; I tell them I 'm a reference librarian at the main library downtown . Their eyes glaze over some and they say " Oh that 's nice . " Half of them change the subject and the other half continue on with , " So what exactly do you do ? You aren 't one of those shushing librarians are you ? " It is at this point I kind of list my head off to the side and go , " Well I - " I find it hard to tell someone what I do when what I do day - to - day changes . But usually I sum it up with " I help people find information . " This is truly the bulk of my job . Often times I get the " You must like to read … " line or the " I haven 't been in a library in a long time … " line . The last one is often followed with , " Do people even read books anymore ? I didn 't think people still used the library like that . " I always try to not roll my eyes at these statements ; it 's really hard to restrain myself sometimes . Instead I tell them about some crazy thing that happened at work either that day or week . I 'm rarely at a lost for a crazy library story . In fact no matter what library I happened to be working at I 'm rarely at a lost for a crazy library story . It just seems to me that anyone who says libraries are quiet and serious has never really worked in one . We see and hear some of the weirdest stuff . But I guess the purpose of this blog is supposed to take the place of writing a book . I think there are some really great books out there written from the librarian point of view and some great ones to come . Maybe one day I 'll actually write a book about being a librarian . I feel there 's so much I have yet to experience in my career . I never really felt like I 've found my voice with these posts . I try to be professional and give the facts with little spurts of fun things . I don 't think it would hurt to relay some of the crazy library stories on here . This morning I came into work as usual expecting it to be a rather uneventful day . Said good morning to fellow coworkers as I struggled with my purse , a bag of library books I was returning , and a bag of cookies and water that were for the Open Mike Poetry Night event slated for today . Nothing was out of the ordinary for a normal Tuesday . That is until my supervisor came in and I asked her how last night went . Her response , " It was weird … but I don 't remember why it was weird . " We laughed and I went on opening up the department . I was in the middle of logging on to one of the staff computers when she exclaimed from behind the partition , " Now I remember ! " I quickly , well semi - quickly , rounded the partition to see my cubbie box filled with book covers . Our page had found four books in my area of maintenance that did not fit the covers they were encased in . Someone had removed the covers and placed them on different books and put them back in their place , then stole the original books . My supervisor went to see if more could be found and she was able to find one more before she got sick with sadness and anger at the solid evidence of theft . They were beautiful art books from some of the great artists . In fact my heart broke has I held the empty covers in my hand . Why ? Why would someone be so selfish ? We both had an inkling of who the perpetrator could be . One of our security guards had caught a person about a week or two ago attempting to steal an art book . They had stripped it off all the library markings and taken off the cover but had in fact left the target . When they tried to pass through the security gate it went off alerting the person on the desk . They were able to stash the book behind a planter and exit the building but unbeknown to them our security guard was watching the whole time . When they came back in they were escorted off the premise and banned for two weeks . That weekend our page found the cover wrapped around a different book . There 's no way to prove that they are responsible for the books last night or the books that were found this morning , for a total of nine books . We believe they were taken to be sold , as a local book seller did get a copy of one of the books we are missing last week . But they did not see any of our markings in the book so they believe it 's not the same book . However they didn 't look for evidence of targets taken out or stickers removed . So that lead might be investigated farther . My supervisor believes we should go to these shops and check for ourselves . We could possible replace some of them as they aren 't that expensive but with a tight public library budget that might take some time . Theft is a major problem in public libraries , in libraries in general . A colleague who works at an academic library in a neighboring city told me that they too had experienced a series of thefts in the last months . From the Friends of the Library , these books retail for nearly $ 100 , so a $ 25 FOL membership is nothing . I 've never understood how someone could think it would be okay to still from a library , a public library at that . It 's part of your community it 's not your personal picking grounds to supplement your own private library . And it 's most definitely not the place to supplement your income by selling off the things you stole from it . Libraries are at a lost for dealing with theft . When theft happens in the commercial world they can pass the lost on to the consumer in the form of higher prices . But who can we pass the buck to ? Although it 's not as if our customers aren 't hurt by theft of items , not just those who would have checked out the stolen items but the people who would have checked out the items that we would have bought if we didn 't have to spend it on the replacement of stolen items . What about the money we spend on security to protect the collection … that money could be spent on beefing up the collection . The last session I was able to catch was on the Future of Libraries . I 've been actively interested in this topic since I started and completed my independent study with Dr . Chow on Library Space Design . The idea being looking at how the libraries role is changing and how is that affecting the design in library spaces . In theory you would think that library design wouldn 't be exempt from other design trends . That as the architectural trends drift to one way so would library space design . But interestingly enough some people believe that libraries should be exempt . That libraries are made to be stuck in one design mold ; classical , ornate , and well … stuffy . Although I should hasten to say this is just one camp , for there is another camp that is whole heartedly thinking libraries should be forward thinking in design , ultra sleek and ultra modern . There 's also people who have a love for both types of design trends , I 'm one of those people . I think what 's important is that how people react to library designs speaks volume to how people see the library . If you are part of my community then you may or may not know that we recently passed a bond to have our main library rebuilt ( or renovate ) as well as two branches . In the last few months we have held three community meetings to have public give their thoughts on what it should look like and what should be included . It 's been interesting to see what people are saying they want in a new library . Now as a staff member I have my own ideas about what the new library should be like . This session was fun , because it allowed me to see a number of libraries that had recently been built on the west coast . What I noticed was a lean towards ultra modern and ultra sleek designs . They were straight lines , heavy on the glass and large open areas with focus on open design plans and small intimate spaces on the sides and corners . If there was a curve in the space it was usually a focus design feature usually relegated to the atrium of the library . And almost every single design had an atrium . It was interesting at the end they concluded with a slide that said libraries were moving away from the classical design , with a picture I 'm more than positive was a shot of an interior in an academic library and moving towards the future , an image of an all glass and steel public library . I think the architects would have a hard time convincing people in my community to go for an ultra modern main library . I think we could get away with a branch that was all glass and steel . but the main library not so much . I 've worked in a newly built open space library before , and I don 't mind saying I have mixed feelings about it . Yes it was new and shiny and it felt good to come into a building that was nice and clean . It lifted your spirit , made you feel happy . The stacks were low so you could see almost everywhere in the building , and a lot of books had weeded and sent to other locations so the shelves were easy to keep up . But on the flip side those large windows let in the sun and the heat . It was very hard to control the temperature in the building . And if it was an overcast day , it was very hard to see in the building . Noise was a problem as it carried easily . Like I said earlier a lot of weeding was done and books were sent to other places , and there was a point to only keep new or good - looking books on the shelves as this conveyed better . I felt that the customers where being cheated . Were they impressed when they walked in the door and saw how open and bright it was ? Yes . Did that feeling diminished when they couldn 't read their computer screens or were told that they would have to wait a day or two before they could get their hands on that one book they came out to get ? Yes . My first major in undergrad was Interior Architecture and one of the first things we learned is that form follows function . The space should function . Did they really speak to that in this session ? No . What they did speak to was thinking of terms of how do we bring the customer back over and over . Epic spaces and something for everyone . Encouraging discovery and enabling staff to cope with growth . There was a lot of talk on the form aspect of library design . Which is always fun . Pretty libraries are always a joy to look at . But the talk on function I felt was a little light . But I 'm finding that 's might be easier said then done because no one can say what function the library of the future will have and these buildings have to last for some time . This week my library paid for those who wanted to attend the PLA ( Public Library Association ) Virtual Conference that was going on simultaneous as the physical PLA . We had it set up in our boardroom so we could come and go as our schedule allowed . I wasn 't able to catch any of the first day 's broadcasts but I was able to catch two on the last day . The first and last one , which were the ones I was most excited about . I have to say the main reason why I wanted to go to this session was because it had the word " Palooza " in it … it 's just a fun word . And this session was indeed a palooza of programs . They covered 60 different kinds of programs in 60 minutes . I 'm just now dipping my toes in the programming world , with Money Smart and the Ask - A - Lawyer day I help organize in February , but I 'm finding that I 'm actually enjoying making contacts and having people come in and share their expertise . My supervisor has expressed that she feels we do better jobs as Reference Librarians at the service desk and truthfully I 'm not sure how I feel about that . I think the service desk is valuable don 't get me wrong . But I 'm starting to see that programs and events are becoming the public libraries little niche , and it 's something sorely needed in a lot of communities . Some of the key points that I took away from this session was opening the way so that everyone could be involved in program planning ; not just the librarians or directors , but the paraprofessionals and the volunteers . The library that presented the program believed that anyone can have a passion for a topic and they should be allowed to suggest a program and help bring it about . They then broke down into categories ; Events that happen on a regular basis , weekly , monthly , yearly , etc . Something that your costumer base could always depend on . For example their customers could expect a big event around the Dia de los ninos , Dia de los Libros celebration . I think this is a great idea , because every time you go to organize it , it will become easier and easier to pull it all together . However , I can see a downside to it , especially with public libraries who either have people moving on a constant rate and sometimes the positions aren 't filled OR people who stick around forever and get stuck in tradition . Both of these things can have a big impact on programming . Signature events have to be flexible because interest are always changing but you don 't always have to reinvent the wheel every year . These programs surround the idea of bringing different age groups together . Some examples where Stroller Shimmy and Sweat for New Moms . Dog Day Fashion Show and Parade , who wouldn 't want to dress up their dogs and parade them around ? Family Game Day and Mother or Grandparent Day Tea . The point is not always thinking of programs in age brackets , meaning only the youth librarians can give a program dealing with children . Sometimes programs would be enjoyed by more than one age group , for example video gaming events . More and more games are being targeted to families , so a video game tournament could be enjoyed by someone who is 8 and someone who is 28 . I really enjoyed this section as I never thought about how some of these activities are programs that need little effort on the librarian part . The passive programs were programs that worked in getting the costumers involved on a project that didn 't require them to come to the library at a specific time or date . Holiday Mail for Military Heroes , having the community write letters and greeting cards for military families and dropping them off at the library , who then dropped them off at organizations who delivered them . You can set up signs and notices during the month of November and December and just allow people to drop off letters at their leisure . No commitment and it cost you the amount of signage . Spot the library mascot … get a library mascot , take pictures of it in different parts of the library , and post them . Makes the kids want to come in a find the mascot and get a sticker or something . Nothing big but it 's a fun way to let the kids explore the library , help them bridge the gap between the children section and their parents browsing time . I really enjoyed this session and it gave me some ideas of things I would like to do or even help collaborate with others . I have no intention becoming the programming queen but I do think with the idea of a new main library being built we need to up our gambit on why people should come to the library over and over . I 'm okay with the idea of programs getting them into the building , because the programs gives us a chance to show off all the great resources we have … for FREE . Back in January I mentioned that I was working on a program called Money Smart Week . Since November I 've been steadily working towards coming up with programs and presenters for the week of 21 - 28th in April . In January I presented the concept to the Adult Services Committee and got a good response on people interested in hosting something at the library . It 's been nonstop work on scheduling and creating programs and being the middle person between contacts to get to this point . But I 'm glad to say we have 22 programs schedule throughout the month of April dealing with financial literacy . I don 't mind saying that I 'm mentally and physically tired . Last week I finished up the system wide program schedule as well as the poster and postcards for my library specific programs and had them approved and sent to the county 's print shop . I 'm excited to see how they all turn out and start handing them out . The first seminar program is April 4th , on financial security . There have been some bumps in the road but I guess that 's to be expected on such a large endeavor and I 'm the main one spear headed it . I think my learning curve has been very sharp . Money Smart Programming has really been the chunk of my to do lists these last few months . But I 've still squeezed in new duties like take on the NextReads Newsletters for the Cultural Diversity Committee as well as the Home , Garden , and DIY newsletter . You can sign up for those two as well as some others at this link . It 's been fun to work with the committee on the cultural diversity newsletter , we work together to create a very informing newsletter on different cultures and hopefully it will grow in popularity . Even though it 's been months since I 've first started , I 'm still getting use to being on the reference desk because you truly never know what sort of question you will be faced with , especially in the public . Yesterday I college student came in wanting information on the lunar calendar and cycle . I knew I wasn 't going to be able to help them in a efficient way as there was a line forming . But I didn 't want to send them away empty handed . I was able to find a couple of articles but I told them to leave their email address and I would see what I could find in books after I got off the desk . I spent an hour this morning collecting a good stack of books that I think will help them and we have a schedule meeting tomorrow morning . In the public library world you don 't necessary think of making reference one on one meeting but my supervisor does it all the time for business owners and non - profit people to help them use the sources we have . Somewhere in my mind I thought why can 't I do the same thing with general research help . I mean our desk is a great point of reference provider but sometimes you need to be able to give a person your full attention and the best time to do that I think is off the desk . It 's a model I 've seen used all the time in the academic library world . So I might start incorporating that into the mix to see how people respond to it . It 's nothing new but it 's a new way for me to approach my job . Apparently when one goes after big money it 's more complicated than one thinks . If you can cast your minds back to a few posts ago when I mentioned I was on a grant writing committee with my library . We are seeking funds to start offering new services to our transient population , as well as our general community . One of the major things about the library I work at is that it 's the main central branch . This means we serve a variety of people , unlike the branches who have become more of a neighborhood branch we are like the city 's neighborhood branch . More and more public libraries are expected to offer programs , both fun and informational . Well that costs money and that 's not something public libraries have in abundance . And with talk of a new central library being built I can only imagine the feeling that we would have more programming is steadily growing . So a grant is in order and since we last left off I was working on some preliminary research and programming planning to go into the Letter of Intent . Well went sent that off and waited anxiously for word on whether or not we should actually submit a full grant proposal request . This past week we met and discussed the questions and concerns the state library brought . The first being the suggestion we ask for more money . At the end of the meeting we came away with more things to do , my number task is to pull up every single article that mentions public libraries and homelessness . Which is a lot , some with the homeless population painted in a negative view and some with them in a positive view ? Since it 's more than I actually thought would be out there I 'm narrowing it down to articles about programming and homelessness . I 've found a great from a book club model in Australia that sounds similar to what we are trying to achieve through the programs . Two years ago I honestly had no idea what I was getting into , and truthfully I 'm still learning what it means to be a librarian . And here 's a clue ; it doesn 't involve shushing people . Not that I thought it did but I hear that often when someone asks about my profession . If ever there was a misunderstood profession I would nominate the world of Librarianship . It 's almost like we are a mysterious cult but if you ever just take the time to ask a librarian about their library or their job I guarantee you they could talk for hours on one - tenth of what they do and what their library has to offer . I guess I could sum of the last six months in a timeline sort of fashion but that would be boring . And librarians aren 't boring despite what literature would have you believe . The last six months really can be boiled down to one thing : Job Searching . I started early ( right before winter break I sent out my first resume ) , but not nearly as early as some people . I suggest you do the same , start looking for possible leads early on . Get on a variety of list - serves , a good friend and colleague of mines , Amanda Goodman , did an awesome write - up of some of the places she looked at and subscribed to for job leads . I cleaned up and invested some time into my social media outlets . I 've had a LinkedIn profile since 2007 that I never got around to actually filling out . While I had the time I flushed it out and kept up with it . These last six months were emotionally tough , as anyone who 's done any job searching since 2007 can surely tell you . But in the end I would say it was worth it . I can 't wait to see what the next six months hold for me .
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Yesterday was just one of those days that I felt completely buried . Overwhelmed . But it is today and I went to kickboxing this morning and that got some frustration out . Thank goodness . When I got home I climbed in the shower and kept expecting to hear Kendal wake up . She didn 't . I sewed , started laundry , cooked me some eggs , actually sat down while I ate my breakfast , and sewed some more . I know God truly loves me and is aware of my needs because He caused a deep sleep to fall upon my children . They both slept until 9 : 30 ! ! I went in a few times to make sure they were breathing . Kendal is a 6 : 45 am average girl , Kelsey on the other hand , does the 9 : 30 thing once a week if I let her . The morning went spectacular . I got to go to Kelsey 's classroom and help my neighbor Debbie , the extension agent , make bread with Kindergarteners . That was a good time ! I realized how LOUD Kelsey is ! We always have to tell her to be quiet when we are at either of the grandma 's houses , but I just figured she was loud because there were so many kids around to compete with ! Well , the case is true in school too ! Here she is WHISPERING ! After school , we did Kendal 's home speech therapy . She has to blow on different kinds of whistles one right after the other really quickly . This helps her mouth change shape fast , so hopefully we will start to understand her ! She is getting so good at the routine . Twice through and she puts them back in the bag . Kelsey was happy she got to blow today . I haven 't let her blow yet because I didn 't want Kendal to get her runny nose . Notice Kendal 's overalls , I am not letting her get to that diaper ! I have been thinking about experimenting a little with body piercing since my staple incident the other day . It really didn 't hurt that bad and I could make one heck of a fashion statement . What do you think , the self contained corset like the above picture or the very macho looking shoulder blade line below ? It has been one of those days . If my mom lived within any reasonable distance , she would have received a 2 year old package today on her front porch . I love her , very much , but the poop thing is really getting to me ! ! I will spare you all the details , but just know that I still love her , I wanted to beat her to within an inch of her life today , but I refrained and I still love her . How could I not ? Yesterday at approximately 3 : 12 pm a few nice sharp shards of glass cut through my new pants and entered my knee . I am not going to tell you all how that happened because it is a tad bit embarrasing . Anyway , I think I cut a vein or a little capillary or something because I bled and bled , and I could see a little light colored piece of tissue . My sock soaked up a whole lotta blood , as did my NEW pants ! ! I cleaned it up and asked Matt if he would put a stitch in it , he said no way . So a few hours later , more blood soaked pants , and having it split open 3 more times , I had him talked into it . Well , kinda . He said he would staple it , not stitch it . He had me alcohol it and while I was doing so , he informed it was gonna hurt like crazy and I was gonna cry like a baby . The alcohol hurt like crazy and the staples didn 't hurt too much at all . I surely didn 't cry like a baby like he expected . He put in 2 staples yesterday and today they are looking a whole lot better than this picture . I knelt down a few times today that made me bleed pretty good so I had to be careful , but other than that , I think all is well . Glen and mom , look at those awesome green Forest Service socks ! Last night our stake had a wonderful Enrichment Meeting about families . We listened to talks on strengthening marriages , budgets and family counsels , and how to teach your children . Wow , it truly was great meeting . I could type a few pages of the ideas and thoughts that hit me hard and deep , but once again , I will refrain . I took some notes and I plan on looking at them every now and then . It was a super meeting . After the meeting , a few of us went out for bPosted by Sunday morning I was awakened by the words " no no " coming from the girls ' bedroom . Matt and Kelsey had a little sleep out in the living room so Kendal was the only one in there . I figured if she were telling herself " no no " , I better go see what she wasn 't supposed to be doing . I walked into her room and got a whiff of the smell . She had pooped , taken off her diaper , and then put her pajama bottoms back on . She had put both legs in one leg hole and couldn 't figure out why she couldn 't walk . Well , the contents of the diaper ended up all over the lower portion of her body and on the bedspread . I figured that wasn 't too bad considering ! I cleaned her up and since it was 7 : 00 I figured it was time for a shower anyway . We both got showered , dressed , hair done , and then went and woke up Kelsey and Dad in the living room . Matt said " You guys have been in the tub already ? " I said " Yes , and started a load of laundry already too ! " Sunday afternoon Kelsey and I made sugar cookies . I have never been too good at sugar cookies , but these ones turned out okay . Kelsey thought it was great . I saw the New Era today , an LDS magazine for teenagers , and thought " Porter stole my jersey ! " Okay , so not really , I didn 't play baseball , but I was # 20 in basketball AND my jersey was purple AND it said WAYNE . Porter Ellett , a kid from where I grew up , was featured in the New Era this month . He is a super kid and my mom had told me they were doing an article on him in the New Era . I am going to go read it right now . There are some great pictures of him in there that shows how he catches and then throws a baseball with only one arm . I haven 't seen him play baseball , but everyone says it is amazing . I have seen him play basketball though , and he is a great player . I am not sure , but you might be able to find a link at www . lds . org . Posted by Saturday my friend Jen and I went to Pleasant Grove ( we waved in your direction Krista ! ) to this fun place with 10 or 12 big inflatable slides , mazes , and jumping huts . Matt worked on Saturday , so he met us there . The kids loved it . Matt played with them and chased around until he worked up a sweat . I left my SD card to my camera in my computer so I only had 12 shots to take on my camera memory . I didn 't get Kendal 's face in one of them . It was always her backside because she just kept going and going and going . This one is through the netting of one of the jumping huts . They loved it . This one here was the hardest one to climb , it was so steep . I tried it and my socks kept slipping off , which made my feet slip off . It was a good thing there were hand straps to hold on to or I wouldn 't have made it up ! Kendal just climbed and climbed . It was a super fun afternoon . I had a rough time with taking my shoes off and only wearing my socks . That just creeps me out , let alone with everyone else in Utah County there with their shoes off ! We might go back , I have to decide if it is worth the germs . Kendal mysteriously came down with a nasty eye infection in both eyes yesterday and now both of my girls have colds . Kelsey and Kendal have coughed and coughed for the past 2 nights . It might be worth it after winter is gone . Posted by My sweet Prophet of God passed away tonight . President Gordon Bitner Hinckley was a super great man and leader of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints . I listened to and read so many of his words of advise , commandment , counsel , scripture , admonishments , heart warming stories , and funny jokes , that I feel like I truly know him , even though I personally don 't . I can close my eyes and hear his voice in my head . What an amazing leader he was for the church in these latter days . It is sad for all of us to lose him , but I am so happy for him because he is with his sweet little Marjorie Pay and visiting with other prophets of God , modern day and ancient . Posted by Kendal is finally understanding , somewhat , what it is that makes her diaper get so wet and uncomfortable . This is a good thing right ? I mean acknowledgement is the first step to ANYTHING , including potty training . So why then , must she make such a mess ? Jen was at my house a few days ago and we were talking quilt guild stuff , laying out fabric and figuring things out for an upcoming quilt project . Kelsey and Kendal were just playing in the front room when Kelsey yells " Mom , Kendal is poopy and she is taking off her diaper ! " I ran in and found my sweetheart removing a nasty diaper all by herself , along with its contents . I grabbed her hands before she could touch anything , Jen grabbed the camera , and Kelsey just watched and made disgusting remarks . I took her into the bathroom for a clean up job and kept telling her that poop is a ' no touch ' and that she needs to tell mom when she is poopy . I figure if she hears it about 900 times a day , it will soon begin to sink in . The clean up didn 't take too long , but I know that if Matt were here and alone , he totally would have thrown her out into the 18 " of snow , got a hose and sprayed her off while he threw up and yelled 911 at the top of his lungs . Mothers are amazing ! Joe , I edited the photos for you , I didn 't include the one that showed the diaper contents and for some reason I couldn 't attach the aroma onto BLOGGER . com ! Actually , I would imagine you are a diaper pro , it is my dad and brother that may throw up . Last Thursday we sewed our cute little hearts at Enrichment . At 9 : 00 pm Janis and I left the sewing room and went into the gym for our basketball game . I love church ball , truly I do . Our game went well , I can 't even remember who won , I think we did , but it went well and Janis and I had a good time . This is me and my friend Terri . She was my counselor a few years ago when I was Young Women 's President . I love her , but not when she is on the other team ! This picture is not out of wack , she really is that tall . I bet she is around 6 ' 2 " or 3 " and I had to guard her most of the time ! ! Needless to say , it was not a good rebounding game for me and I think I only made one shot , if that , and it was from the top of the key ! This is me and Janis again . We just played again this past Thursday and we talked Heather into playing with us . It was a fun game , but those Center Creek Ladies , or should I say Girls , ( they all seemed so young ! ) sure were feisty ! Gratefully Matt and I are friends with the feistiest ones , so we were friendly with each other . Otherwise a few of those fouls and steals would have been VERY personal ! We play again this Thursday , it is good for me , my heart , and my lungs . Oh yeah , and my sportsmanship state of mind . Thanks for being my amazing photographer and proving that I can run Jen ! Kendal 's occupational therapist came again this afternoon . She had some really fun puzzles that Kendal did really well . I am so proud of her . The therapist also did something I would NEVER do . Yes , it involves a mess . She put Kendal in her high chair and gave her a few plastic farm animals to play with , along with shaving cream ! Kendal totally loved it . Every time she would ask for more , she would get more shaving cream . She rubbed it all over the tray , her hands , the therapist 's hands , her shirt , her arms . I am so proud of her for not eating any or putting it in her hair . She has sensory issues , and this was therapy . I wish I could figure out some therapy for quilting or scrapbooking . The tray of the high chair got clean . Did anyone clean their desks at school with shaving cream ? I hear you can 't do that anymore . After the therapist left and Kelsey got home from school , the girls were hungry . I gave them each some goldfish in a cup and look at them ! They look like they hadn 't eaten in 3 days ! It is so nice to see them getting along and playing nice together . They loved their little snack hideaway this afternoon and Kendal loves to be like her big sister . I have been taking a kickboxing class for the past 3 weeks at our local parks and rec center . It is really fun and I have really been enjoying it , I 've been sore , but truly loving it . Well , this morning after kickboxing , my lower neck / shoulder blade was sort of hurting . A sore muscle or something , actually , I think I slept crazy . Anyway , I was getting the girls their morning oatmeal ready and I was trying a new trick my friend Wendy posted on her blog . There is an old Polish remedy for sore muscles , you take a flax seed gel tablet , cut it open , rub it on your sore body , cover with a warm cloth , and wha - laa . Better . So I tried it today . I was scantily clad on the upper part of by body so I could gain access to my sore neck / shoulder blade and so I wouldn 't get oil on my shirt . While they were eating , I was rubbing oil on my neck / shoulder blade . Kelsey asked me what I was doing and I told her the whole story . She watched me for a minute or so and then this conversation occurred . Kelsey : Mom , I don 't think it is a sore muscle , I think it is fat . Me : Oh thanks honey , that makes me feel better . ( I really wanted to give her the we don 't say " fat " lecture , but I didn 't . She has heard it a few times already . ) Kelsey : Sorry Mom , you know what I mean , that sore spot is just a lump of fat though , not muscle . Me : ( Dirty look ) Tell me what you mean . ( Thinking , what LUMP ? ? ) Kelsey : ( Trying hard to talk fast so I would feel better about being called fat quicker ) Well , you know if you were a deer and we shot you and skinned you , well , we wouldn 't eat that part of you that is sore . Me : So do we eat the fat or muscle of a deer ? Kelsey : Muscle , that is why we wouldn 't eat that part of you if you were a deer . It would be white , not red when we took your skin off . I smiled and ended the conversation . So there you all have it , an anatomy lesson , a manners lesson , and a deer skinning lesson , all over brown sugar oatmeal this morning ! Actually , lack of manners lesson ! Oh , and she also told me after the mom - is - a - big - fat - nasty - deer - conversation " Posted by We had SEPs today at Kelsey 's school . That used to be called Parent - Teacher Conference when I was a kid , but you know how we have to change everything ! Anyway , I went and got Kelsey out of class and then went to visit Kelsey 's teacher . Here is the conversation : Teacher : Kelsey , how do you like school ? Kelsey : I like it alot . Teacher : What is your favorite part about school ? Kelsey : Recess and treats . Teacher : ( Chuckle ) Is there anything else you like about school ? Kelsey : My friends too . Teacher : ( More chuckling ) What about learning . Don 't you like to learn songs , numbers , story time , numbers , or anything else ? Kelsey : Oh yeah , I like all that too . So , my sweet little Kelsey is currently going to school for the same reasons I did . That would be the social life . I went to school to be with my friends , play ball , see my boyfriend , go on ball trips , Prom , and oh yeah , to learn . My parents don 't have nearly as much snow as we do , but there was enough for a little sled ride or two on Saturday . Matt pulled Kelsey and Kendal around on the 4 wheeler . Kendal completely loved it , so did Kelsey . Poor Kelsey , Kendal would just lay down on her . I am sure Kelsey was using every tummy and back muscle to stay upright because she only weighs about 5 pounds more than Kendal . Kelsey told her cousins that she " got on an unsafe sled on her belly and had so much fun . " Isn 't that so funny ? An " unsafe sled ? " Is there such thing as a safe sled ? Especially being pulled behind a 4 wheeler ? ! It really was just an old sled , the kind with metal runners and a wood body . So funny , how quickly time changes things from wood to plastic everything . Kendal liked riding the 4 wheeler with her dad while they pulled Kelsey . I had to prove that me turning another year older didn 't mean that I couldn 't have fun and go on a sled ride . I told Matt to give me a good ride . It was good , but since I am 125 pounds heavier than Kelsey , and there wasn 't a whole lotta snow , I did have a hard time by hitting rocks and dirt . If I wasn 't right on the hard packed snow , the runners cut through and I had a sled ride on dirt . Not the best ride , but not bad . Matt got to shoot his new gun he got for Christmas for the first time . He spent alot of time with the bore butter , but he enjoyed playing with his gun and figuring it out . Tori and Taylor went to my parents also , so when they got there on Saturday we got to do the sledding thing all over again . Kendal and my dad drove while the two older girls screamed . It was great . Tori and I took the girls for a ride also . I drove and Tori sat on the back with the camera . I was trying to find some good snow , so I went down a certain road . No snow that way , total dirt road . So we had to take a detour through the weedy prickly patch to get back to the snowy road . Tori and I were laughing so hard at hearing the girls squeal and scream . I am such a horrible driver that I made them wreck twice . Nobody else Posted by We all went away for the weekend . We headed south to my parents ' house . It was a super weekend , which also happened to include my birthday . My mom made a cake , and then Taylor and Kelsey decorated it for me . What a good job they did ! We did a lot of fun things over the weekend . We played in the snow , played on the sled and 4 wheeler , ate good food ( thanks mom ) , played Speed Scrabble , watched High School Musical ( even Matt and my dad ! ) , visited a bunch of Kelsey 's cousins , and had a super great time . Kendal loves being down there . My dad loves to take her outside and she eats that up . I received a few fun things for my birthday . I got a cashmere sweater , new boots , yummy smelling Scentsy candles , $ $ , hugs and kisses , and a ladder . Yep , a ladder . I love it . Can you believe that I wanted a ladder for my birthday and I got one ? Matt is so sweet isn 't he ? I am not being facetious , I am serious . Matt truly got me a ladder and I truly , honestly love it . What is wrong with me ? I also got to see and visit with my sister Tori for my birthday . This is the first time I have seen her since she ' looked ' pregnant . Isn 't she so cute ? She is due on May 1st and I am so excited for her . Happy birthday also to Wendy , Robert E . Lee , and Dolly Parton ! Posted by We sewed again at Enrichment last night . The ladies are doing so well ! Quite a few of the ladies got their tops pieced together last night . Hooray ! Amanda 's Ali 's Janis 's Jen 's top wrapped around Eva in a nice hug Sarah 's and Kami ' sGood job ladies ! ! Next Thursday will be quilting and binding !
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Yesterday was just one of those days that I felt completely buried . Overwhelmed . But it is today and I went to kickboxing this morning and that got some frustration out . Thank goodness . When I got home I climbed in the shower and kept expecting to hear Kendal wake up . She didn 't . I sewed , started laundry , cooked me some eggs , actually sat down while I ate my breakfast , and sewed some more . I know God truly loves me and is aware of my needs because He caused a deep sleep to fall upon my children . They both slept until 9 : 30 ! ! I went in a few times to make sure they were breathing . Kendal is a 6 : 45 am average girl , Kelsey on the other hand , does the 9 : 30 thing once a week if I let her . The morning went spectacular . I got to go to Kelsey 's classroom and help my neighbor Debbie , the extension agent , make bread with Kindergarteners . That was a good time ! I realized how LOUD Kelsey is ! We always have to tell her to be quiet when we are at either of the grandma 's houses , but I just figured she was loud because there were so many kids around to compete with ! Well , the case is true in school too ! Here she is WHISPERING ! After school , we did Kendal 's home speech therapy . She has to blow on different kinds of whistles one right after the other really quickly . This helps her mouth change shape fast , so hopefully we will start to understand her ! She is getting so good at the routine . Twice through and she puts them back in the bag . Kelsey was happy she got to blow today . I haven 't let her blow yet because I didn 't want Kendal to get her runny nose . Notice Kendal 's overalls , I am not letting her get to that diaper ! I have been thinking about experimenting a little with body piercing since my staple incident the other day . It really didn 't hurt that bad and I could make one heck of a fashion statement . What do you think , the self contained corset like the above picture or the very macho looking shoulder blade line below ? It has been one of those days . If my mom lived within any reasonable distance , she would have received a 2 year old package today on her front porch . I love her , very much , but the poop thing is really getting to me ! ! I will spare you all the details , but just know that I still love her , I wanted to beat her to within an inch of her life today , but I refrained and I still love her . How could I not ? Yesterday at approximately 3 : 12 pm a few nice sharp shards of glass cut through my new pants and entered my knee . I am not going to tell you all how that happened because it is a tad bit embarrasing . Anyway , I think I cut a vein or a little capillary or something because I bled and bled , and I could see a little light colored piece of tissue . My sock soaked up a whole lotta blood , as did my NEW pants ! ! I cleaned it up and asked Matt if he would put a stitch in it , he said no way . So a few hours later , more blood soaked pants , and having it split open 3 more times , I had him talked into it . Well , kinda . He said he would staple it , not stitch it . He had me alcohol it and while I was doing so , he informed it was gonna hurt like crazy and I was gonna cry like a baby . The alcohol hurt like crazy and the staples didn 't hurt too much at all . I surely didn 't cry like a baby like he expected . He put in 2 staples yesterday and today they are looking a whole lot better than this picture . I knelt down a few times today that made me bleed pretty good so I had to be careful , but other than that , I think all is well . Glen and mom , look at those awesome green Forest Service socks ! Last night our stake had a wonderful Enrichment Meeting about families . We listened to talks on strengthening marriages , budgets and family counsels , and how to teach your children . Wow , it truly was great meeting . I could type a few pages of the ideas and thoughts that hit me hard and deep , but once again , I will refrain . I took some notes and I plan on looking at them every now and then . It was a super meeting . After the meeting , a few of us went out for bPosted by Sunday morning I was awakened by the words " no no " coming from the girls ' bedroom . Matt and Kelsey had a little sleep out in the living room so Kendal was the only one in there . I figured if she were telling herself " no no " , I better go see what she wasn 't supposed to be doing . I walked into her room and got a whiff of the smell . She had pooped , taken off her diaper , and then put her pajama bottoms back on . She had put both legs in one leg hole and couldn 't figure out why she couldn 't walk . Well , the contents of the diaper ended up all over the lower portion of her body and on the bedspread . I figured that wasn 't too bad considering ! I cleaned her up and since it was 7 : 00 I figured it was time for a shower anyway . We both got showered , dressed , hair done , and then went and woke up Kelsey and Dad in the living room . Matt said " You guys have been in the tub already ? " I said " Yes , and started a load of laundry already too ! " Sunday afternoon Kelsey and I made sugar cookies . I have never been too good at sugar cookies , but these ones turned out okay . Kelsey thought it was great . I saw the New Era today , an LDS magazine for teenagers , and thought " Porter stole my jersey ! " Okay , so not really , I didn 't play baseball , but I was # 20 in basketball AND my jersey was purple AND it said WAYNE . Porter Ellett , a kid from where I grew up , was featured in the New Era this month . He is a super kid and my mom had told me they were doing an article on him in the New Era . I am going to go read it right now . There are some great pictures of him in there that shows how he catches and then throws a baseball with only one arm . I haven 't seen him play baseball , but everyone says it is amazing . I have seen him play basketball though , and he is a great player . I am not sure , but you might be able to find a link at www . lds . org . Posted by Saturday my friend Jen and I went to Pleasant Grove ( we waved in your direction Krista ! ) to this fun place with 10 or 12 big inflatable slides , mazes , and jumping huts . Matt worked on Saturday , so he met us there . The kids loved it . Matt played with them and chased around until he worked up a sweat . I left my SD card to my camera in my computer so I only had 12 shots to take on my camera memory . I didn 't get Kendal 's face in one of them . It was always her backside because she just kept going and going and going . This one is through the netting of one of the jumping huts . They loved it . This one here was the hardest one to climb , it was so steep . I tried it and my socks kept slipping off , which made my feet slip off . It was a good thing there were hand straps to hold on to or I wouldn 't have made it up ! Kendal just climbed and climbed . It was a super fun afternoon . I had a rough time with taking my shoes off and only wearing my socks . That just creeps me out , let alone with everyone else in Utah County there with their shoes off ! We might go back , I have to decide if it is worth the germs . Kendal mysteriously came down with a nasty eye infection in both eyes yesterday and now both of my girls have colds . Kelsey and Kendal have coughed and coughed for the past 2 nights . It might be worth it after winter is gone . Posted by My sweet Prophet of God passed away tonight . President Gordon Bitner Hinckley was a super great man and leader of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints . I listened to and read so many of his words of advise , commandment , counsel , scripture , admonishments , heart warming stories , and funny jokes , that I feel like I truly know him , even though I personally don 't . I can close my eyes and hear his voice in my head . What an amazing leader he was for the church in these latter days . It is sad for all of us to lose him , but I am so happy for him because he is with his sweet little Marjorie Pay and visiting with other prophets of God , modern day and ancient . Posted by Kendal is finally understanding , somewhat , what it is that makes her diaper get so wet and uncomfortable . This is a good thing right ? I mean acknowledgement is the first step to ANYTHING , including potty training . So why then , must she make such a mess ? Jen was at my house a few days ago and we were talking quilt guild stuff , laying out fabric and figuring things out for an upcoming quilt project . Kelsey and Kendal were just playing in the front room when Kelsey yells " Mom , Kendal is poopy and she is taking off her diaper ! " I ran in and found my sweetheart removing a nasty diaper all by herself , along with its contents . I grabbed her hands before she could touch anything , Jen grabbed the camera , and Kelsey just watched and made disgusting remarks . I took her into the bathroom for a clean up job and kept telling her that poop is a ' no touch ' and that she needs to tell mom when she is poopy . I figure if she hears it about 900 times a day , it will soon begin to sink in . The clean up didn 't take too long , but I know that if Matt were here and alone , he totally would have thrown her out into the 18 " of snow , got a hose and sprayed her off while he threw up and yelled 911 at the top of his lungs . Mothers are amazing ! Joe , I edited the photos for you , I didn 't include the one that showed the diaper contents and for some reason I couldn 't attach the aroma onto BLOGGER . com ! Actually , I would imagine you are a diaper pro , it is my dad and brother that may throw up . Last Thursday we sewed our cute little hearts at Enrichment . At 9 : 00 pm Janis and I left the sewing room and went into the gym for our basketball game . I love church ball , truly I do . Our game went well , I can 't even remember who won , I think we did , but it went well and Janis and I had a good time . This is me and my friend Terri . She was my counselor a few years ago when I was Young Women 's President . I love her , but not when she is on the other team ! This picture is not out of wack , she really is that tall . I bet she is around 6 ' 2 " or 3 " and I had to guard her most of the time ! ! Needless to say , it was not a good rebounding game for me and I think I only made one shot , if that , and it was from the top of the key ! This is me and Janis again . We just played again this past Thursday and we talked Heather into playing with us . It was a fun game , but those Center Creek Ladies , or should I say Girls , ( they all seemed so young ! ) sure were feisty ! Gratefully Matt and I are friends with the feistiest ones , so we were friendly with each other . Otherwise a few of those fouls and steals would have been VERY personal ! We play again this Thursday , it is good for me , my heart , and my lungs . Oh yeah , and my sportsmanship state of mind . Thanks for being my amazing photographer and proving that I can run Jen ! Kendal 's occupational therapist came again this afternoon . She had some really fun puzzles that Kendal did really well . I am so proud of her . The therapist also did something I would NEVER do . Yes , it involves a mess . She put Kendal in her high chair and gave her a few plastic farm animals to play with , along with shaving cream ! Kendal totally loved it . Every time she would ask for more , she would get more shaving cream . She rubbed it all over the tray , her hands , the therapist 's hands , her shirt , her arms . I am so proud of her for not eating any or putting it in her hair . She has sensory issues , and this was therapy . I wish I could figure out some therapy for quilting or scrapbooking . The tray of the high chair got clean . Did anyone clean their desks at school with shaving cream ? I hear you can 't do that anymore . After the therapist left and Kelsey got home from school , the girls were hungry . I gave them each some goldfish in a cup and look at them ! They look like they hadn 't eaten in 3 days ! It is so nice to see them getting along and playing nice together . They loved their little snack hideaway this afternoon and Kendal loves to be like her big sister . I have been taking a kickboxing class for the past 3 weeks at our local parks and rec center . It is really fun and I have really been enjoying it , I 've been sore , but truly loving it . Well , this morning after kickboxing , my lower neck / shoulder blade was sort of hurting . A sore muscle or something , actually , I think I slept crazy . Anyway , I was getting the girls their morning oatmeal ready and I was trying a new trick my friend Wendy posted on her blog . There is an old Polish remedy for sore muscles , you take a flax seed gel tablet , cut it open , rub it on your sore body , cover with a warm cloth , and wha - laa . Better . So I tried it today . I was scantily clad on the upper part of by body so I could gain access to my sore neck / shoulder blade and so I wouldn 't get oil on my shirt . While they were eating , I was rubbing oil on my neck / shoulder blade . Kelsey asked me what I was doing and I told her the whole story . She watched me for a minute or so and then this conversation occurred . Kelsey : Mom , I don 't think it is a sore muscle , I think it is fat . Me : Oh thanks honey , that makes me feel better . ( I really wanted to give her the we don 't say " fat " lecture , but I didn 't . She has heard it a few times already . ) Kelsey : Sorry Mom , you know what I mean , that sore spot is just a lump of fat though , not muscle . Me : ( Dirty look ) Tell me what you mean . ( Thinking , what LUMP ? ? ) Kelsey : ( Trying hard to talk fast so I would feel better about being called fat quicker ) Well , you know if you were a deer and we shot you and skinned you , well , we wouldn 't eat that part of you that is sore . Me : So do we eat the fat or muscle of a deer ? Kelsey : Muscle , that is why we wouldn 't eat that part of you if you were a deer . It would be white , not red when we took your skin off . I smiled and ended the conversation . So there you all have it , an anatomy lesson , a manners lesson , and a deer skinning lesson , all over brown sugar oatmeal this morning ! Actually , lack of manners lesson ! Oh , and she also told me after the mom - is - a - big - fat - nasty - deer - conversation " Posted by We had SEPs today at Kelsey 's school . That used to be called Parent - Teacher Conference when I was a kid , but you know how we have to change everything ! Anyway , I went and got Kelsey out of class and then went to visit Kelsey 's teacher . Here is the conversation : Teacher : Kelsey , how do you like school ? Kelsey : I like it alot . Teacher : What is your favorite part about school ? Kelsey : Recess and treats . Teacher : ( Chuckle ) Is there anything else you like about school ? Kelsey : My friends too . Teacher : ( More chuckling ) What about learning . Don 't you like to learn songs , numbers , story time , numbers , or anything else ? Kelsey : Oh yeah , I like all that too . So , my sweet little Kelsey is currently going to school for the same reasons I did . That would be the social life . I went to school to be with my friends , play ball , see my boyfriend , go on ball trips , Prom , and oh yeah , to learn . My parents don 't have nearly as much snow as we do , but there was enough for a little sled ride or two on Saturday . Matt pulled Kelsey and Kendal around on the 4 wheeler . Kendal completely loved it , so did Kelsey . Poor Kelsey , Kendal would just lay down on her . I am sure Kelsey was using every tummy and back muscle to stay upright because she only weighs about 5 pounds more than Kendal . Kelsey told her cousins that she " got on an unsafe sled on her belly and had so much fun . " Isn 't that so funny ? An " unsafe sled ? " Is there such thing as a safe sled ? Especially being pulled behind a 4 wheeler ? ! It really was just an old sled , the kind with metal runners and a wood body . So funny , how quickly time changes things from wood to plastic everything . Kendal liked riding the 4 wheeler with her dad while they pulled Kelsey . I had to prove that me turning another year older didn 't mean that I couldn 't have fun and go on a sled ride . I told Matt to give me a good ride . It was good , but since I am 125 pounds heavier than Kelsey , and there wasn 't a whole lotta snow , I did have a hard time by hitting rocks and dirt . If I wasn 't right on the hard packed snow , the runners cut through and I had a sled ride on dirt . Not the best ride , but not bad . Matt got to shoot his new gun he got for Christmas for the first time . He spent alot of time with the bore butter , but he enjoyed playing with his gun and figuring it out . Tori and Taylor went to my parents also , so when they got there on Saturday we got to do the sledding thing all over again . Kendal and my dad drove while the two older girls screamed . It was great . Tori and I took the girls for a ride also . I drove and Tori sat on the back with the camera . I was trying to find some good snow , so I went down a certain road . No snow that way , total dirt road . So we had to take a detour through the weedy prickly patch to get back to the snowy road . Tori and I were laughing so hard at hearing the girls squeal and scream . I am such a horrible driver that I made them wreck twice . Nobody else Posted by We all went away for the weekend . We headed south to my parents ' house . It was a super weekend , which also happened to include my birthday . My mom made a cake , and then Taylor and Kelsey decorated it for me . What a good job they did ! We did a lot of fun things over the weekend . We played in the snow , played on the sled and 4 wheeler , ate good food ( thanks mom ) , played Speed Scrabble , watched High School Musical ( even Matt and my dad ! ) , visited a bunch of Kelsey 's cousins , and had a super great time . Kendal loves being down there . My dad loves to take her outside and she eats that up . I received a few fun things for my birthday . I got a cashmere sweater , new boots , yummy smelling Scentsy candles , $ $ , hugs and kisses , and a ladder . Yep , a ladder . I love it . Can you believe that I wanted a ladder for my birthday and I got one ? Matt is so sweet isn 't he ? I am not being facetious , I am serious . Matt truly got me a ladder and I truly , honestly love it . What is wrong with me ? I also got to see and visit with my sister Tori for my birthday . This is the first time I have seen her since she ' looked ' pregnant . Isn 't she so cute ? She is due on May 1st and I am so excited for her . Happy birthday also to Wendy , Robert E . Lee , and Dolly Parton ! Posted by We sewed again at Enrichment last night . The ladies are doing so well ! Quite a few of the ladies got their tops pieced together last night . Hooray ! Amanda 's Ali 's Janis 's Jen 's top wrapped around Eva in a nice hug Sarah 's and Kami ' sGood job ladies ! ! Next Thursday will be quilting and binding !
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It seems to me if Christians wholesale say a certain " form " of art is " wrong " or against God , what we effectively do is cut ourselves off from being at the table for many conversations . We simply won 't be at the table of " Modern Art " , " Abstract Art " " Rap Music " or what ever else is going around . I 'm not saying that it is the duty of every Christian to participate in every art form , or art at all for that matter but it doesn 't seem right to see some forms of art as more godly than others . I applaud the efforts of painting schools to teach the techniques of the master painters of the past , but there should also be the realization that these are techniques and nothing more . If painter wants to learn them , if the Romanticism era really makes their heart sing , then by all means ! But there is nothing more " godly " about that sort of Romanticism except for the godliness of pursuing a discipline whole heartedly for the glory of God . I think I need to read " How Shall We Then Live " again . I think I simply disagree with Francis Schaeffer . But maybe I don 't remember what he said like I should . As if I should be cheeky enough to disagree with Francis Schaeffer ! For awhile I 've been feeling like I 've wanted to start a new blog to just focus on art and culture and Christianity intersecting culture and all that sort of thing . Not that I claim to be an expert in the area but I just find it interesting . So if you are interesting in that sort of thing too , you can join me here : I got to work in my local art guild 's gallery for the first time . It was nice . QUIET . Much , much quieter than at home . : ) Anyway , while I was there a man came in to buy a metal sculpture of fish that he has seen earlier . He was so excited to buy this sculpture ! His wife was walking behind him chuckling at how much he loves fish . I could tell he loves fish ! As he was checking out he was looking it all over musing on how he would hang it , then he found a pine needle on it which delighted him because it seemed to give him some clue as to how the artist made the piece . Left it out in the sun perhaps ? He was delightful . As he left he mused as to whether he should send the artist a picture of where he puts it , do you think he would like that ? Of course he would like that ! It got me to thinking about people who buy art and the responsibility of us who make art . These two men , the artist and the buyer , both apparently love fish ! And some how that love of fish connected them through this piece of art and the artist made this other man very happy by enabling the buying man to give voice to his love of fish ! I just thought that was kind of cool and reminds me of the calling of an artist . In a way you are aiding people to give voice to their loves and feelings by giving them form and color in a way that conveys more than what the actual thing just looks like in real life . That 's why I 'm not a fan of super realistic art . There should be something else there , something more . Something that not only says " fish " to the fish lover , but emphasizes what they love about fish . I guess this was all the more striking to me because I am not into fish . All the while he was buying it , he was so delighted and I was just thinking " fish " . . . . But that 's a good thing . His new piece spoke his language to HIM . It wasn 't for me anyway . He and this artist were having a conversation of sorts ( though the artist was no where around ) and all I was to do was to help him facilitate the conversation ( Mainly by taking it off the wall and putting it in his hands and leading him to the cash register as he was just kind of gazing at his fish not knowing where to go . . ) and get out of his way ! Anyway , I found him delightful . I think God gave me that experience to show me something . I want to keep my art fresh and honest . So when somebody thinks enough of it to engage in conversation with it , it will be an honest heart felt chat . : ) Friday ritual . A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week . A simple , special , extraordinary moment . A moment I want to pause , savor and remember . Actually this family ( I think they have 11 kids ) has made a few vidoes that really rang true for my kids . I think there 's kind of a " large family fraternity " of sorts . Whenever they meet kids from families with more than like 7 or 8 kids they have instant points of commonality . They also liked the one about being left home alone . . . eating chips for dinner , jumping on top of a car . . . and the boy by the piano who is apparently the sensitive one . . . " Twins " These two buildings stand side by side in downtown Portland . In the afternoon the sun reflecting off the building next to them causes reflections to dance all over them . They are like a canvas being painted on by the sun ! { this moment } - A Friday ritual . A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week . A simple , special , extraordinary moment . A moment I want to pause , savor and remember . I feel like I ought to say something about Easter , but since I spent the day sleeping while the family had dinner at church , it didn 't feel like it happened . I 'm still feeling a little under the weather - ish today . Hope nobody else in the family gets it . So I hope you had a happy Easter ! Cheers ! I 'm going back to bed . Posted by I love the bleeding hearts that grow in my garden . They come back every year in the spring to greet me , they are amicable and get along with everybody . But they don 't care to be picked much . So I painted some so they could be brought inside without harming their sensibilities . Etsy is an amazing place really . It 's an absolute maze of people , all different types doing all different kinds of things . From grandma types crocheting Barbie doll dresses to fine art going for thousands of dollars . It 's easy to get lost in the sea . But after a while , you start to recognize people , know where they hang out and what they do . It 's just a wild , vast community . Anyway , I came across these gals who are on a treasury team I 'm on . ( Actually nonteam , to be technical , but that 's an Etsy fine line thing . ) Anyway , I thought their name was kind of eye catching and fun " Drapes of Wrath " . Doesn 't that kind of make you want to put on an apron and beat up on some eggs ? Heheh . " All my life I have been blessed to live in the Pacific Northwest . Everywhere I go I am always inspired and exhilarated by the beauty that continually surrounds me . Desire to give voice and thanks for that beauty through art wells up inside me . I believe art is important . Through art we surround ourselves with images that contribute to influencing our hearts . I believe that surrounding oneself with pictures of beauty , strength abundance , grandeur and joy contribute to building those qualities in our own lives . I want to create art that assists us in focusing on what is real and good and true in this world . I am also a believer in the Living God of the Bible . I hope through my art to give thanks to Him and also to remind myself and others of His goodness , promises , and commands whether through image , symbol , or word . I believe art is an act of worship . I like to work with different mediums depending on the message or image I am attempting to portray . The vast array of materials to artists in these days are a constant inspiration and temptation to me . " O worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness , fear before Him all the earth . " Psalm 96 : 9 " Well , I did finally experience that Portland oddity otherwise known as VooDoo Doughnut . Everyone lately has been going to VooDoo Doughnut . I tried to go once before but the line was down the street and around the corner , so I had to wait for a more opportune time . So when we saw there was one right by the church where the kids were having the speech competition , we ( Elisa and I ) decided to give it a whirl . May I say ? I don 't get it . Now , I don 't think I 'm all that thin skinned . I was fine with the whole horror flick sort of aura , the voodoo jelly doughnut , coffin maple bars , etc . All just for fun , and of course it 's a pretty eye catching sales gimmick . But I 'm not into upside down crosses and pentagrams and there was a lot of that there . But not only that , it stank . And it was scuzzy . And my apple fritter was doughy and undercooked . And for the rest of the day , no matter how many times I washed my hands , I could smell it . All in all , it was just plain gross . Yuck . So I can cross that one off my bucket list , and I will never do it again . I 'm sure they are really sad and will miss me frightfully . Anyway , on to the speech tournament . Are you down ? Do you need a bit of encouragement for the generations to come ? Go hang out at a NCFCA speech tournament . Wowzers . You can hear the gospel presented from 50 different directions . You can listen to debate on whether or not we should change nuclear policies dealing with Russia . You can hear how to solve world hunger . ( Plumpy Nut . It 's the best thing since sliced bread . ) You can hear Natural Law debated . Golly , it was fabulous . I love this sort of thing . I felt like my mental muscles were weight lifting all day long . And as that kid in the suit two sizes to big for him is calmly and rationally discusses the effect of Natural Law on the Nuremberg Trials you kind of have to pinch yourself and remember , he 's maybe 15 ? 16 ? I 'm so glad Elisa is excited to do this . I wish I had gotten my older children into it . No matter what field of study they may want to pursue in the future , being able to present yourself , speak easily and think on your feet will be an asset , whether artist , teacher , scientist , lawyer . . . . Hey , even auto mechanics need to be able to talk to their customers clearly and inspire confidence ! It was so interesting to be able to judge at this event . If you live near a tournament they always really need judges . They let the parents judge , but if you come in as a community judge ( with no kids competing ) they give you first pick of the events you want to take . They feed you good food all day long and there was coffee with real cream ( Not just the powdered creamer stuff . ) and candies on the tables . And you get to watch future leaders in the making honing their skills . You will feel very appreciated . It was a really quality event put on by good people . The last couple of days have been such a whirlwind of activity for us ! I have been judging at the regional finals for the National Christian Forensic and Communications Association . ( Mercifully , usually abbreviated to NCFCA ) It was a wonderful time , really , with a lot of thinking involved . But of course with me gone for two days the house is an absolute disaster ! So I will write more about the event later . For now , I will post a picture if my latest addition to the shop : { this moment } - A Friday ritual . A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week . A simple , special , extraordinary moment . A moment I want to pause , savor and remember . Grape Hyacinths Grape Hyacinths . They are such a lowly common flower , but they are so pretty when you really stop to look at them . I like to showcase less showy flowers and show them in a different light . Often they are like the people we meet in real life , they may seem common , but if you stop to look at them they are beautiful and sweet in their own way . These rewarded my efforts with a sweet fragrance to accompany me as I worked . Every year my family tries to get out to a farm to pick peaches . The trees are so heavy with them that they seem relieved to be freed of their burden . Then we bring these juicy treasures home to store up and enjoy over the winter , so we can remember the abundance of summer . Not much swinging , but still a lot of puddles . The last picture is of a " creek " that flows by our house . In that picture it 's pretty sedate , on rainy days it can be quite the babbling brook . The boys and one of the neighbor boys are always building dams and floating boats on it . Either that or scooping up the algea and throwing it at the girls that reward them with screams . What is it about the masculine psyche that finds such satisfaction in a blood curdling feminine scream ? I thought this was very cool and just wanted to pass on the link . Modern Relief , a group of modern style quilters is selling raffle tickets for a chance to win one of their beautiful quilts and then giving the proceeds to Mercy Corp for Japan aid . I just thought that was a neat way to raise funds . I was doing the classic science experiment of putting eggshells in vinegar to demonstrate what sugar does with a person 's teeth with the boys . All day they were impatient to check it and see what would happen to the shells in the little cup on the counter but I made them wait until after dinner to give the vinegar time to work . Finally the dinner dishes were cleared away and it was time to view the results . I got the shells out , showed them how they were all dissolved and crumbly and Noah and Zeke were looking but Owen started getting restless and retreated to the background to pace and mumble as he does when he 's feeling disgruntled . Finally I look up from my lecture on tooth brushing to ask what ever is the matter with him . " Oooooo , " he puffs . " I thought they were going to explode or something . " I 've been slowly adding a few things to the shop . This is todays addition : Spring fiddleheads 17x11 " 40 . 00I 've always found new fern sprouts rather fascinating . The way they unwind themselves into the air . : ) Margaret posted a new blog link up thingy over at Two Kid Schoolhouse that looked interesting . It 's called Five Minute Friday at The Gypsy Mama and the idea is she gives a topic and your write for five minutes about whatever comes to mind that day . Well , it isn 't Friday anymore , my day was packed . But I liked the idea and thought I would give it a go anyway . The topic today is " Waking Up " And I think that is appropriate because lately I feel like I have been waking up . Waking up to how my own thinking has hindered me and actually held the things I 've truly wanted over the years from me . I 've always been in the " If you don 't expect things to be too good you 'll never be disappointed but occasionally you might be pleasantly surprised " camp . Eeyore - ish . I thought I was being realistic or something . But this last year I think God has really been working on me about this . I 've been struck in the Bible how often God prints in very matter of fact ways impossible things and expects us to believe it . The sun retreating a couple degrees because a king asks for a sign of reassurance . Sampson carrying off the gates of a city . Not to mention a sea that parts , a virgin who gives birth , a boy who kills giants , an ax head that floats , a man swallowed by fish and lives to tell about it , on and on it goes . I 've been reading the Old Testament in chronological order to my boys ( we are now in Daniel ) and sometimes I am just struck at how on the surface it stretches my credulity almost to absurdity ! But yet I believe it all to be true and I read it to my boys and I want them to believe it is true . Why has God filled His book with all these stories ? Why not just tell of our sin , tell us how to live , you know , leave it at Proverbs and the Epistles and stuff like that ? Why all these wild stories ? Well , maybe because He wants us to live as though we expect Him to do the same for us . Maybe " Realistic Pessimism " is not just " kind of a downer but all too often true " sort of thinking but actually antithetical to the Christian calling of faith and hope ? What king is honored by little , tiny requests offered in a " Well , I know this is an inconvenience but if you get a little chance . . . " sort of attitude . Maybe He wants us to ask for bigger things . Maybe He wants us to look at our difficulty and obstacles and see them as opportunities for us to see just how loving , forgiving , generous and joyful that our God really is . So , for me , tJust Wake Up Already ! Lately I 've been experimenting with using acrylics as a water medium and then adding pastels over the top . I like spontaneous looking paintings , like Stephen Quiller , who is one of my all time favorite artists . I feel like my painting voice is coming back and that makes me happy . Posted by When Renoir was an older man he was afflicted with rheumatoid arthritis . During the last years of his life the pain was so bad he was confined to his home and he painted on in great pain . Matisse was much younger than he was but they were good friends and Matisse often visited him . Once when he was watching Renoir paint on in pain he asked him how why he continues when it was obviously so painful to him . Renoir replied " The pain passes , but the beauty remains . " Isn 't that how we should be when difficult times come to us ? To be patient as the Lord refines and shapes us , but ever with the hope that when the pain passes , the beauty will remain . I find that very hopeful to think on . Posted by 4 " x6 " They are calming to do . After getting the boys ' schoolwork done and dinner going the older kids and I have been clearing off the dining room table and watching The Cosby Show on instant on Netflix and working on various pieces . Am I the only one who feels very nostalgic about the Cosby Show ? They were so nice and normal when my own family life was so crazy . I watched it every Thursday night as a kid . I get such a kick out of looking at the clothes and stuff . My daughter commented on how we were so into crazy , bulky sweaters . To True ! To aquire a new cozy sweater was pure bliss in the 80 's . And we did like things bulky , at least on top . And the colors are so bright and primary and solid looking . Maybe that 's why I went for tie - dye - too many clearly defined edges ! Anyway , it 's funny to watch them again . I think we are on like season 6 . In I think 4 days . Kind of bad , huh . Kerri Last week my girls got invited to do some voice recognition recordings for a doll thats being developed . The ones doing the developing needed samples of girl 's voices from the targeted age groups and my girls were invited to come do some samples . Always up for an easy $ 20 ( well , mostly always ) and an excuse to head into Portland we grabbed the chance . This is a new sandwich stand in NW . Grilled P & J . Sound wierd ? They were so good ! Fiona got the Oregonian . Hazelnut butter , blue cheese and I think strawberry jelly . Me , the Thai , orange marmalade , hot pepper sauce , hmmm . . . can 't remember the rest . . But it was really good . And Irene got one with peanut butter , bacon , and I can 't remember what else . Hers was sooo messy . But they were all really good . I thought the whole idea of the stand was really fun and creative though . We 'll definitely go back when out that a way . The differences in my girls personalities was very marked when walking past the windows of this shop . Fiona ( The youngest of the three middle girls ) saw all the pink and bling and about had a heart attack . " Oh , mama can we go in there ohpleaseohpleaseohPLEEEEEAAASE ! ! ! ! ! ! " I 'd rather something a little more sedate . It was a fun day . Elisa took the pictures , my camera being out of batteries . If I 'd have taken them there would be ones of them reading the manga books at Powells . I love that I can go shopping with my girls and have a great day together . : ) It 's always fun to be featured in a treasury on Etsy . Treasuries are the way Etsy folks share what they like with others , give compliments or create a visual shopping wishlist . They are fun to make and people form whole groups around making treasuries . Shayleen is in one , because she loves making them so much . Margaret brought up a couple points in her comments that I thought I would comment on in a post . I think mainly there is this tension that all home school moms have of if we are doing enough , doing the right thing , focusing on the right things etc . There are a lot of voices clamoring for attention in the home school world and many of them have their own agendas too . From curriculum they want to sell , to just having the desire to want to be the " advice givers " to the homeschooling community . Or just really enthusiastic about what they are doing and want to share the enthusiasm . Sometimes even that can send one home examining what they are doing at home and whether or not they should change things around and do what so - and - so is doing . Bible . Backward , forward , inside out , upside down . Grand scope of sweeping through the history of Israel to the little details of symbols and ( in our church this comes naturally ) chiastic structures . Church History . Have you ever pondered why history is read through political eyes ? The rise and fall of governments and kingdoms ? But our children have citizenship in a kingdom that has been since the beginning of time and has a future that will never end . Thus I would put forth that church history is the most important history they can study . I feel it 's more important that they know the stories of the saints , martyrs , theologians , reformers and missionaries than it is to know kings and presidents . We do all history , of course , but I do try to cover this one as a priority . Math facts . Math was miserable for me simply because I didn 't know my facts by heart . I really try to make sure these are drilled in . Now the next two are ones that I wish I had done better when my older ones were younger but I want to make sure it gets into my younger ones . One is a positive attitude . I have been known to be a bit of an Eeyore . But when I started hearing it echoed by my children I decided that wasn 't such a good thing . I am seeing how limiting the negative attitude and negative self image are and I 'm really working on how I self talk and how I talk to them . After all , it really doesn 't matter what a wonder kid you may have if they don 't believe they can do anything they won 't try . I want to work on instilling in my kids that they can do anything God is calling them to do and they can learn anything they need to learn . I wish I had done better at this for my older ones . The other is Speech . Elisa has been attending a speech group connected with this national group . I can 't tell you how impressive these kids are . They know what they believe , but not only that , they know how to say it . This is where tomorrows leaders are being made . We put Forrest off graduating for another year just so he can at least take one year of it , and I plan to make all my kids go through it . We are using the Jeff Meyers book " Secrets of Great Communicators " as our home study and Elisa is working on a speech for a competition on Sadhu Sundar Singh . Next year Irene will start . Of course we do do science , math , literature , art , but all my kids have varied experiences in these areas . For example my son hates to read fiction so the only lit he 's really had is what I 've read aloud . Shayleen on the other hand reads everything . Forrest does a lot of music . Elisa won 't touch an instrument , but she does more science . . . I just figure we all have our place in God 's world . . . . 2 ) When and how do you introduce foreign languages in your home - school program ? I 'm interested in both ancient and modern languages . Thanks , Tim There 's two ways of looking at college . There 's the " It isn 't about training for vocation , it 's about getting my child the best , biggest education possible " view , and in that case I see college more as a luxury than necessity . Not that it 's a bad one , it 's a really good one , but I would have to weigh the cost of sending a kid to say a school like New Saint Andrews against what sacrifices would have to be made to send them there . Right now , as our finances are , the things we would have to give up at home are just far to great to even think about it . But if I had a more liberal income and the child was a motivated scholar and looked to me with imploring eyes " Oh , PLEASE I just really want to study under Peter Leithart , " I would really do my best to try to give them the opportunity to go . After all , * I * would love to go too , so maybe they could pass me their books when they were done . . . But I also really want my kids to realize that learning is something we ALWAYS do . I love to learn new things . Learning makes life interesting . It makes you more interesting ( unless you start getting a big head about it , then it makes you a colossal bore . ) My kids accuse me of not being able to have fun because I don 't like fiction , and if they let me pick out a movie solely based on what I 'm interested in it will probably be a documentary ( which is why I almost never get to pick out the movies . : ) I think college can be a great , GREAT asset to an education , but I don 't want them to get that helpless mindset that it seems like most Americans have that says if you want to learn something you have to take a class . Also , just because I think some colleges are worthwhile , it doesn 't mean they all are . Unless you have a real clear vocational reason to go to something like a state school it could be a big waste of time and money . Which comes to the other reason for college - vocational training . In which case it would depend on what the kid wants to do . My son is training in landscaping with his uncle and general contracting with his father . Either one of those vocations could give him a living that he could support a family with if he chooses to do so . But he is also very interested in art and he is going to a small , private art school for that . I think it will be better for him to do that and build a portfolio and experience because in the art world people judge you more on what you can do than where you went to school . I think getting his education done and getting an early start on gaining experience will be better for him than poking around for four years in a proper art college and spending a whole lot more money . But then , that same kid also entertained ideas about becoming an economist and really wanted to go to Hillsdale for while . It that case I would get praying and really drive him to get the best transcript possible because college would be an absolute necessity . So , in short , it depends on the kid , what theMostly , I just have to prioritize my time and money . We 've dabbled in languages but I think the modern languages are really hard to learn on your own at home . My son tried to teach himself Japanese and got a little ways with it , but that is one thing that I think it 's easier just to go ahead and take the class . I haven 't had time to try Latin . I have a lot just trying to teach my older girls algebra and speech ( and learn it along with them ) and drag my boys through their school work . But if I had a bright kid and started with it young I think it would be fun to do the " Cat in the Hat " in Latin books with them . Our church has a private school and they teach the kids Greek and Hebrew . I have had one daughter express interest in going , so we 'll see . I guess that isn 't much help . But I did think the ideas for teaching the Classical Languages in the Bluedorns book Teaching the Trivium seemed really workable though . That might be worth reading for you . So , I guess my all around answer is . . . . It just depends . . . . I 've been reading " Meet You at the Top " by Zig Ziglar to my kids , and I decided to put his goal setting into practice . This is a set of stairs that go up a bluff in my town . Actually they start here . . . . . I am running up them every day . That is my goal . I have done it almost every day for two weeks . Of course I am gasping about half way up . I have to stop , catch my breath and carry on . When I took these pictures a woman asked me about it and I told her I was documenting my goals . She said she knows people who run up and down them ten times a day . Crushed . . . I 'm a Christian wife and mother to ten kids and artist . I like to paint , draw , think , read . . . When I get the chance . This is where homeschooling , family life , art and maybe a book or knitting project collide .
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I came home today , from a very long day at the church , and sat down with David to watch Episode Four of John Adams . He and I were both struck by how John addressed Abigail in his letters to her as " dear friend " - - this , during a separation of five long years . She was left at home , raising the children and keeping the farm going , while he was in Europe - - France and the Netherlands - - trying to help the American cause . David 's remark was about the mutuality in their relationship shown by that term of endearment . Both David and I saw ourselves , and each other , in John and Abigail Adams . We both laughed out loud at John 's responses to various things , laughing at the recognition of their similarity to David 's responses at times . Same with me . I apparently share some similar outlooks on life as Abigail . When it was over , I wondered aloud whether Paul Giamatti bore any resemblance to the real John Adams . At that , my husband , the historian par excellence , pulled the David McCullough book , on which this HBO miniseries is based , from his shelf and we looked at several pictures of our second President . I think the resemblance is there . I 've posted recently about my new office ( obtained when Young Man with Integrity moved out on his own ) , but David has a new office , too - - the one we had both been sharing as a much too crowded office for both of us . David has turned that space into a " library . " He must have 1 , 500 books in there . So when we finished perusing likenesses of Adams , I was given the tour of the " library " and a history lesson in some things my husband values . Ancient history , yes - - a couple of books on Rome and the like , but it 's mostly a collection of American history . You name it , he has it . Even a small book on the history of Miami ( where David grew up ) , a publication that first awakened him to a sense of place in his life . After our tour and conversation , we embraced and David called me " dear friend . " I came in here , to my own office , and began to sense a beautiful awareness of my deep contentment with life these dayPosted by David and I and the girls are going to Pensacola soon . ( Young Man with Integrity will be here every day to look after the cat for us , bless his heart . ) Oh , I 'm so ready for a change of scenery . I guess it will be hot in Florida , but I look forward to some ocean breezes , at least . And maybe some evening walks on the beach . My friend , Seeker Executive , has a rental condo right there on Pensacola beach . Actually , it 's her father 's , and they are giving us a week there for free . Talk about GENEROUS ! Thank you , Seeker Executive ! ( and I miss seeing you ! ) My arm is hurting more yesterday and today than it has previously . Go figure . It just really aches , and when I rotate it there 's a sharp pain still . Bummer . Nevertheless , I 'm busy , busy . The church I serve has no Christian Education at all during the summer , so I 've come up with some extra projects for myself . In June I started the Evening Prayer ( Taize style ) service on Tuesday nights and that 's been a very good thing . We have a good number of people , and of course I love that style of worship . In July my project is a Letter Writing Table for social justice and community - building . This congregation gets together each and every Sunday in the fellowship hall after worship , so I 'm going to set up a table , and make it very inviting , for people to just take five minutes to write a letter . The table 's decor is black and red . I brought a beautiful crystal lamp ( one that I 'm not using ) from home , a beautiful red box for cards ( birthday , get well , sympathy , etc ) , and I have a lovely holder for the pens and all the paper and envelopes . I have made , so far , four Topic Binders : Amnesty International , FISA and Constitutional issues , Environment , and Poverty . Inside the binders are information / background reading on the issues , sample paragraphs , or complete letters that they can just sign and send . I also have binders with addresses for federal , state and local government offices and officials . It 's all there . Easy as pie . Just sit down , find a topic that trips your trigger , take fivePosted by I 've been tagged by Jan for a meme . Thanks , Jan , and I hope Dolly turns out to be pretty tame there in South Texas . Here are the rules : a . List these rules on your blog . b . Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog . 1 . My husband and I honeymooned in Frederickberg , Texas . The place we stayed wasn 't very nice . He LOVED the museum there - - something about WW2 , I forget exactly . I consider our " real " honeymoon to be our trip to the Canadian Rockies . We both enjoyed that . 2 . When I was 17 I wrote an article for " Employer of the Year . " My boss , John S . , won based on my little essay . 3 . I had a strange experience 3 days ago . As I was driving home from church I felt a strong calling to become a 2nd grade teacher . I 'm still " processing " that one . 4 . I lived in Plano , Texas for a number of years . Never again . 5 . I was a switchboard operator for an electronics manufacturing company in my last year of high school . " Continental Telephone Electronics , may I help you ? " Stayed there and took my first two years of college at night school . 6 . My sister is Controller of her company in Greenville , South Carolina . She 's amazing . 7 . I played " Baby Elephant Walk " on the piano in 4th grade for my school 's talent show . I remember thinking I was a real ' hit ' ! c . Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs . Mompriest of Seeking Authentic VoiceSabrina at Rev SSKate at Prairie LightDiane at Faith in CommunityKathy at My Heart LeapsSteve at Beyond AssumptionsJiff at An Orientation of Heart I 'm 52 . I don 't fall easily . Two days ago , walking along in my church 's parking lot , in what can only be described as the utter caprice of the universe , I fell down . No obvious reason ; I didn 't trip . I suppose I just fell off my shoes . It was unlike I 've fallen in the past , where I take a few extremely ungracious steps forward in a hollow attempt to keep myself from actually hitting the ground . No . This was SPLAT . One second I 'm walking along , talking to Cindy , our church administrator , and the next I 'm flat out on the rough cement . I hurt my arm , and that 's been an irritating inconvenience , but more than that , and the subject of this post , is how upsetting the whole experience is for me . Not the arm - - the fall itself . I 'm an existentialist , big - time . I 'm fascinated by issues of responsibility , freedom , guilt , authenticity , reality , death , control . And there 's something about falling , at 52 years old , anyway , that is quite death - like and quite without freedom to choose . Falling , I experience being completely out of control . I can 't predict it . I can 't change the fact that it 's happening . And being so out of control , no matter how much faith I have , there 's an element of fear involved . Falling is transforming . " Transformation " is the universe going about its work , i . e . : The process or result of changing from one appearance , state , or phase to another . When I found myself on the ground , the only orienting factor I had was Cindy 's voice . Other than that , my whole world was not what it had been . I knew not where I was . I knew not who I was . Vaguely , I was aware of pain in my arm - - but what 's an " arm " when the whole concept of " body " has left me ? And although I heard Cindy speaking , I couldn 't understand her . The state of my being had abruptly metamorphosed from orientation to utter disorientation . Sheer terror of not knowing . . . is that what Alzheimer 's patients feel as their disease progresses ? In a way , it 's like waking up in the night . Gossamer floating awareness , then I open my eyes into darknss and wonder . Misty uncertaintPosted by The saga continues , but it 's good news . I went to the orthopedic doc yesterday to get the cast , as my regular doctor said to do , but this guy said a cast wasn 't appropriate . Just a sling . He showed me the x - ray and said it looked like the radial bone was pushed forward a bit . He could cast it , he said , but it would be six months before I could move my elbow after the cast came off . Better to try to move it as much as I can stand the pain in the next three weeks , then it should be fine . So , good news there . The pain pills made me sleepy , so I cancelled my appointments yesterday , keeping only the wedding rehearsal last night . Wedding is tonight and I 'll figure out a way to do that , holding my notes in my left hand , I guess . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I 've been asked to do a workshop on prayer at our regional assembly in October . In my reading , I found this by John Mogabgab : ' Come , ' my heart says , ' seek his face . ' Your face , Lord , do I seek " Ps . 27 : 8 Prayer begins when we open the shutters of our heart and send forth the dove of desire for God . This reaching out with longing is often too low - pitched for words . It is the initial gesture by which God 's love for us returns to God through our search for the face of the Beloved . The draw of love then leads us through darkened landscapes where the world dreams its tortured dreams . We seek God 's face by feeling for it in the thick opacity of the world . We stroke God 's face of faith marking the countours of God 's suffering love . In the shadow lands of hurt and hope , prayer draws us into the tenderest mutuality of trust in exquisite intimacy . " The tenderest mutuality of trust . Wow . That is my prayer this morning . i fell down yesterday . yep . walking in the parking lot of my church , i must 've stepped on a rock and fell off my [ flat ] shoes . dumb . . . . and what a shocker . . . . i really don 't know what happened . one moment i was walking along and the next moment i was on the ground . splat ! our church administrator was with me . . . . her voice was the only orienting factor in my life . . . . for several moments i didn 't know where or even who i was . . . all i knew was cindy 's voice and the pain in my arm . this was about 9 : 30 . . . . as it happened , i had made an appointment for 10 : 30 with my doctor about the sore throat , so i just drove myself , using my left arm only , straight to the doc . . . . david really thought there might be a small break in my arm . . . . the doctor sent me to get it x - rayed , and it turns out that he was right . . . . i get a cast on it today . ugh . typing with the left hand only is a drag . i have a wedding rehearsal at 6 tonight . can 't miss that . soooo , my prayer this morning is : dear god , please give me strength to get thru this day with grace . . . . help me not fall into the pity party that i often do when i 'm feeling pain . . . . . help me remember that this is simply part of embodiment , not the end of the world . . . . . help me see this for what it is - - a minor inconvenience not to be exaggerated . . . . grace . grace . grace . i walk - - and i even fall - - surrounded by grace . . . . . thank you , holy one . thank you . amenkatherine What is my prayer today ? Well , dear God , You know that the tiredness I felt yesterday morning became a sore throat in the afternoon , and , while it 's a bit better this morning , I can tell it is still there , along with my ears that are strangely hurting . Yes , okay , I 'll call my doctor to see if I can get an appointment this morning . Thank you for the new client yesterday ; I 'm grateful , and I anticipate good things for her and for me in working further with her . Holy One , you know my friend asked me about spiritual direction - - I continue to seek your guidance about that . I don 't want to turn her down , but is that my false ego ? what is best for her , God ? I do think it took quite a lot of courage for her to ask me . Last night as I was reading I came across something that applies to her so beautifully . . . were you speaking to me , perhaps , through that ? I felt such tender love yesterday morning for Lovely Passionate Feminist . It was after 9 am , so I knocked on her door and asked if she had class that morning . She JUMPED awake and hurriedly got ready . She can 't stand to be late , so I knew she was upset . I quickly made her a cup of coffee , but then remembered that her class didn 't start at 9 : 40 like I was thinking . It starts at 10 : 00 , so perhaps I shouldn 't have awoken her . She rushed into the kitchen ; I express my concern , and she says no , she did oversleep . She likes to get to class 15 minutes early . Ahh . . . I can resonate with that , I think . Super responsible . As she walked out the door and I reminded her not to rush , I felt such deep love for her . Dear God , may she continue to grow and expand who she is . May her sense of self deepen . May she become increasingly the woman You are calling her to be . An article I read last night talked about Body Awareness as we wake up in the morning . So as I awoke today , I stretched in bed , let myself feel the soft covers - - luxuriating in their soft feel against my skin - - and I listened to my husband 's breathing next to me . You were there , O God . Awareness of my body brought an awareness of You . Posted by I pray for LIFE today , dear God . I 'm tired and I have too much to do . I don 't want to drag around . I don 't want my tired body to drag my spirit down with it . I don 't want to do what is unnecessary to do . So I pray for guidance on how to maintain a really creative tension between working and taking care of myself . I know , Holy One , that if I can remain aware of You today the tired feeling will be overcome by the Loving Energy You Are . I know as well that remaining aware of You will help me know when to stop working and get some rest . Here You are . Come , Holy Spirit , come . KatherineAh . In Thomas Merton 's Book of Hours I read : Our souls rise up from our earth like Jacob waking from his dream and exclaiming : " Truly God is in this place and I knew it not ! " God becomes the only reality , in Whom all other reality takes its proper place - - and falls into insignificance . May it be so . Posted by Here are some photos of my new office . It 's tiny , but it has a window to the street ( one of only two in this house ) , and I 've been able to make it really mine in terms of color and functionality . When I was five and six years old we lived in Nederland Texas , east of Houston . I have this memory of a neighbor 's house - - the children there were older so we didn 't play over there much . But on this one rare occasion all the younger kids , like me , were in that house . And forever in my memory are the sheer purple drapes the mom had hung in one of the bedrooms . Oh ! I thought they were beautiful ! The windows were open , too , so there was movement and they sort of floated in the room . Because of that image in my mind 's eye , I decided to decorate my office in purple . Purple drapes ( not sheer , though ) , purple lamps , and I arranged some flowers with purple and pink in a purple vase . I love it ! I love sitting in this room . The feel of it is cozy and beautiful , and I feel a sacredness here . Like when I got up early this morning to go over everything for the service - - I was able to sit here and relax and jut let God 's presence calm my spirit . Belden Lane 's Landscapes of the Sacred begins with this quote : " Once in a while , we ought to concentrate our minds upon the remembered earth . We ought to give ourselves up to a particular landscape in our experience ; to look at it from as many angles as we can , to wonder upon it , to dwell upon it . We ought to imagine that we touch it with hands at every season and listen to the sounds that are made upon it . We ought to imagine the creatures there and all the faintest motions of the wind . We ought to recollect the glare of the moon and the colors of the dawn and dusk . " Lovely . Lane then begins writing by saying that sacred space is " storied space . Particular locales comes to be recognized as sacred because of the stories that are told about them . " And he mentions Abraham heading toward Canaan . Canaan my little office isn 't . Nothing so grand . But it does fulfill one or two of Lane 's axioms for " sacredPosted by The Friday Five from RevGalBlogPals : Mother Laura writes : " We 're settling into our new new apartment , and after a lifetime at Montessori Katie is having a fantastic summer at YMCA day camp . . . . . So , in celebration of summer , please share your own memories and preferences about camp . " 1 . Did you go to sleep away camp , or day camp , as a child ? Wish you could ? Or sometimes wish you hadn 't ? Never did . We weren 't church folks and I guess we didn 't have the money , either . My mom 's idea of camping out was when the electricity blew . 2 . How about camping out ? Dream vacation , nightmare , or somewhere in between ? It 's just never been on my radar . I don 't like bugs . I don 't like hot weather . I do like nice soft comfortable mattresses . If we could find someplace with a nice cool breeze , that sounds great . 3 . Have you ever worked as a camp counselor , or been to a camp for your denomination for either work or pleasure ? I never have and I never will . I did go to my denominiation 's camp once for a Singles Event back maybe 15 years ago . Lumpy beds . Giant water - bugs , poor food , and the heat sent me home a day early . That was the last time I 've been there ! 4 . Most dramatic memory of camp , or camping out ? see above ! 5 . What is your favorite camp song or songs ? Hmmm , Kum - ba - ya , I guess ! I listened to a podcast of " Speaking of Faith " this afternoon . Krista Tippett was interviewing John O ' Donoghue and his beginning words were these : Your identity is not equivalent to your biography . There 's a place in you where you 've never been wounded ; where there 's a seemlessness in you , and where there is a confidence and tranquility in you . And I think the intention of prayer and spirituality and love is now and again to visit that inner kind of sanctuary . There 's a place in you where you 've never been wounded . Wow . Just recently I said those exact words to a couple of different people . I was stunned to hear the words echoed in this way . I know that place within me . One night as I drove home from particularly powerful group therapy session , I was intensely focusing on and processing the experience . Before I knew it , I was about a block from home . It was then that I remembered that my housemate 's parents were visiting and staying with us . I wasn 't finished processing , so I drove into the parking lot of a grocery store , took out my journal and began madly writing everything down . As I did , I began to feel my soul open up and I KNEW , BEYOND ANY DOUBT , THAT THERE IS A PLACE WITHIN ME THAT CAN NEVER NEVER NEVER BE HARMED . IN THAT PLACE I AM INVIOLATE . Those were the words I used that night , but as I thought about it later , I changed " harmed " to " damaged . " It 's not as if I cannot hurt down to the core of me , but the hurt won 't damage me . It won 't damage me because that is the place within me where hurt transforms into compassion . The core of me , my soul , the image Dei within me , cannot be damaged . It 's like the beautiful crystal that I have a photo of here on my blog . . . that spark of light that is always shining forth and is indestructible , the very energy of the universe within what is truly and authentically me . As I write this , it occurs to me that I need to remember it the next time my fear of death shows up . That night I experienced what is indestructible within me . I actually knew it . Its presence filled up my carPosted by I get daily devotionals from the United Church of Christ . Today 's was especially beautiful , helping me imagine how it would be - - how I would be - - if I truly believed that God was head - over - heels GONE for me . Wow . Actually , imagining this isn 't difficult for me , but I do need reminders . It 's not difficult because of a dream I had , oh , about 20 years ago now . I was simply walking in the mall ( of all places ) . I was walking in the mall , but I carried myself as if I were beautiful . My head was held high . My shoulders were back and I was standing up tall . I was swinging my arms and smiling . I was confident about taking up space on the earth , for I knew that I was loved completely and that my life was a gift from God - - a gift not to be wasted but lived to the fullest . That dream itself was a gift from God , sent straight to me just like so many biblical characters ! The gift said , " Katherine , this is who I have created you to be , now you GO FOR IT , girl ! " I 'm smiling . Hope you will be , too , when you read this UCC devotional : _________________________ Song of Solomon 2 : 8 - 13 Arise , my love , my fair one , and come away ; for now the winter is past , the rain is over and gone . The flowers appear on the earth , the time of singing has come and the voice of the turtledove is heard in the land . Reflection by Anthony B . Robinson - - - Aren 't these lines of Scripture lovely ? Read them aloud to yourself once more . Scholars debate whether the Song of Solomon is human love poetry that is all about the love of two people , or a metaphor of God 's love for Israel and the Church . But does it have to be one or the other ? Can 't it be both ? If we can entertain that possibility , here 's another : could you imagine that God is as wild and crazy about you as a teenager gone hook - line - and - sinker , head - over - heels in love ? Often , it seems , we think and speak of God 's love for us as cool , restrained and matter - of - fact , and frankly sort of boring . But is that really the way love is ? Imagine this : God is just crazy about you ! Could that be ? Try , this one day , belieKatherine E . A friend and I are planning to facilitate a six - week group for women this Fall . We 're calling it : Centered Living : Creating Your Authentic LifeI hope we can get the word out to some people who might be interested . ( If you 're out there , let me know ! ) My friend is an LPC and a certified Gottman therapist . We 're going to concentrate on giving women some tools so that they can practice living from that centered place within them . We 'll deal with the obstacles to that as well . Speaking of obstacles . . . . We have planned this for six Wednesday evenings at my church , but now my church is considering moving all committee meetings to one night each month , and , of course , that night just happens to be Wednesday , so we 'll have to see how that plays out . I 'm hoping my friend can do Thursday evenings if it turns out to be necessary . Anyway , I 'm sure we 'll find a day of the week that suits us both . I 'm looking forward to it . Recently , I was reminded how important this kind of thing is . I was invited to be with someone who is participating in an outpatient recovery program at a local hospital - - it was Family Night and all her family is in another state , so I gladly said I would stand in their stead . What a powerful evening . The facilitator ( " leader " might be a better term since he did 90 % of all the talking ) was a hoot . His hair was long - ish , below his collar , and he was dressed up like Wyatt Earp with the cowboy shirt and vest , a scarf tied around his neck , and very distinctive boots . Turns out , he 's a cancer survivor . The cancer was in his neck , so he dresses that way to remind himself how strong he is . Each morning when he ties that scarf around is neck he is reminded that he 's alive . And I think he really enjoys being an individualist like that . Anyway , when he spoke I forgot all about his get - up . Very wise , amazingly articulate , and full of story after story from his own life to illustrate his points . One of the participants spoke about her authoritarian church background . Saddened me greatly to hear once again of how TOXIC churches Posted by I was extolling the benefits of blogging today . A friend of mine is a poet . . . she writes such beautiful things , from the simple pleasures she finds in gardening and watching birds and rabbits in her backyard , to her heavier musings on the human condition . She has blessed me greatly by giving me copies of some of her poems over the last three years or so , but I 'd love to be able to just go to her blog and read them whenever I like . My friend lives alone , too , so I was telling her about the real community that emerges among bloggers . Still , she was a hard sell . She 's resistant to the idea . Blogging isn 't for everyone . But the conversation got me thinking about how important blogging has become for me . It 's given me an important means of self - expression . It 's a way to keep in touch with Linda and Jan and Kathy and AvaNell , fellow bloggers whom I know in " real " life . And it 's allowed me to ' meet ' others and come to know something about them - - you and your lives . I love that . There are amazing people out there blogging , clergy and lay who care deeply and express themselves in beautiful and fun and sometimes incredibly moving ways . My friend may not want to blog , and that 's okay . But as for me , I 'm grateful for the opportunity - - the gift , really , of being able to ' connect ' in new ways . Today was one of those incredibly productive days . You know - - when the brain is firing on all cylinders . It made me realize how often my brain is barely firing at all these days . I blame it on the heat . As always in the summertime in Texas , it 's too damn hot . Nevertheless , on this exceptional day , I went to church ( preaching next Sunday , not today ) , facilitated a Wellness Ministry meeting , came home and worked on all kinds of little things that I 've needed to get done for a l . o . n . g . time ! Feels good to get them off my desk . Here 's something I wrote for the Area newsletter . I 'm on our Spiritual Life Committee , and we want to remind pastors of the importance of attending to their spiritual lives . . . . _______________ Cherish Your MinistryMost clergy experience a rich sense of fulfillment in serving their congregations - fulfillment that provides zest and energy . Yet , if we 're honest , most of us have also had times when our vocation seemed so demanding that our spirits dried up and a sense of apathy pervaded . Perhaps we did our best to deny that feeling and kept trudging along , hoping that no one would notice our lethargy and boredom . If you 're like me , you know that our calling to ministry is a precious thing . There are times when the intense awareness of what a privilege it is to serve Christ 's Body on this earth just takes my breath away . But our calling to ministry is also fragile and must be tended carefully if it is to remain vibrant and authentic . Caring for others , serving and leading them , telephone calls at inconvenient times , disagreements and misunderstandings , and just flat out too much to do - whew ! our work can easily deplete all our spiritual reserves . If we don 't take the time to replenish our souls , then ennui , a bone - deep weariness , and burnout can be serious threats . Attending to our spiritual life can take a vast variety of forms . A hike in nature can do wonders for some of us . For others , regular meetings with other colleagues in a truly safe environment where we can share deeply will restore ouPosted by We had a wonderful holiday today . Young Man with Integrity , his girlfriend J and her little 2 y . o . M came over . Then Life Giving and her entire family joined us for the cookout . With Lovely Passionate Feminist here for the summer , we had seven adults and three children under the age of three . Wow . It was so much fun . When I called to invite Life Giving , Little J got on the phone and asked me whether we were going swimming ( they were going to a swim party later today at someone else 's house ) . I said , " No , honey - bunnies , no swimming over here . " Well , D heard my end of the conversation , so before anyone arrived he went to Target and bought a little inflatable swimming pool for both little girls to enjoy . And it was such a neat one . As you can sort of see from the photo , it has a little cover on it . You hook the hose to the cover and it comes out as RAIN inside the pool . Pretty cute ! Anyway , so sweet of D to do that . And the girls had such fun . I took some little plastic bowls to them , and of course they played with them , splashing and carrying on . Turns out little M didn 't like to have water poured over her - - she still a bit too young for that , I think . At one point I took one of the bowls and started running around the little pool splashing water on Julia , and BOY , could she splash me back ! ha ! I got soaked ! ! J is almost 3 now - - I have a photo of her when she was about 11 months on the sidebar of the blog . I was holding her and it looks like she was really telling me off big time ! So cute . She 's grown so much . . . talks all the time and is just SO smart . Little M is just now saying some words - - not sentences yet . We went inside for a while and J asked if we could watch Beauty and the Beast . I put it in and she ( J ) ran to sit in my lap . At that , little M did the same thing , so for a while I had BOTH of them , just completely content sitting with me watching the movie together . Wish I had a picture of that ! We had hot dogs and hamburgers , good conversation , and great fun with the kiddos . Tiny M ( Life Giving 's one month old lPosted by Second career minister , pastoral counselor , hospice chaplain . Married late , I now thoroughly enjoy my husband , three children - by - marriage , daughter - in - law and son - in - law and two beautiful grandchildren . My sister , niece , and nephew live in South Carolina , and my brother and sister - in - law live in Thailand . Ph . D . in pastoral theology and pastoral counseling . Learning to love ; practicing authenticity . . . . I took the photo on a trip to France . * Some years ago , a young man stopped me after church . His little daughter played happily in an empty pew behind us . " How will I know , " he asked , " when t . . . I have to admit I 'm glad I 'm not a minister this Sunday . I would hate to have to preach today . It 's Easter morning , but I find my mind caught up in Good . . . Rabbi Mecklenberger wrote : Thank God the biblical ethic of love and justice has continued to advance , moving us beyond our hatred of people who are not like ourselves . Our biblical and post - biblical traditions demonstrate progression from exclusivity to inclusivity , as the Abrahamic promise advances from a narrow tribal understanding to God 's promise of light for all the nations in the Prophets and beyond . We believe that this movement of God 's Spirit did not end when the last words of Scripture were written , but continues to this day , tearing down barriers of injustice and small - mindedness that make it impossible for us to practice the Biblical ethic of love . Marriage . . . We are lovers of a God who specializes in turning the world 's values upside down . We are followers of a Lord who waited tables and washed feet . We are heirs of a Spirit who has power to revive the whole creation , beginning with us , but only if we will allow it - by giving up all illusions that we know how to save ourselves and begging God , one more time , to show us how it is done . One reason we run from God 's wisdom , I think , is because we do not know how to behave once we have surrendered our power . Do we just go limp now ? Probably not . We should probably go on trying to be the best we know how to be , using the best tools at hand . We just should not fool ourselves into thinking that we know what is really going on . It is entirely possible that some of our proudest achievements are embarrassing to God , and some of our most dismal failures please God very much . There is simply no way of telling , since our wisdom is so different from God 's wisdom . The only thing we can be sure of is that everything we offer up is eligible for the transforming power of God , who loves nothing better than bringing the dead back to life . RevGals Security is mostly a superstition . It does not exist in nature , nor do the children of humanity as a whole experience it . Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure . Life is either a daring adventure or nothing . ~ Helen Keller ~ Listen to your life . See it for the fathomless mystery that it is . In the boredom and the pain of it no less than in the excitement and gladness : touch , taste , smell your way to the holy and hidden heart of it , because in the last analysis all moments are key moments , and life itself is grace . And Christ is here with us on our way as surely as the way itself is here that has brought us to this place . Christ is with us , as subtle and pervasive as air . ( Frederick Buechner )
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I came home today , from a very long day at the church , and sat down with David to watch Episode Four of John Adams . He and I were both struck by how John addressed Abigail in his letters to her as " dear friend " - - this , during a separation of five long years . She was left at home , raising the children and keeping the farm going , while he was in Europe - - France and the Netherlands - - trying to help the American cause . David 's remark was about the mutuality in their relationship shown by that term of endearment . Both David and I saw ourselves , and each other , in John and Abigail Adams . We both laughed out loud at John 's responses to various things , laughing at the recognition of their similarity to David 's responses at times . Same with me . I apparently share some similar outlooks on life as Abigail . When it was over , I wondered aloud whether Paul Giamatti bore any resemblance to the real John Adams . At that , my husband , the historian par excellence , pulled the David McCullough book , on which this HBO miniseries is based , from his shelf and we looked at several pictures of our second President . I think the resemblance is there . I 've posted recently about my new office ( obtained when Young Man with Integrity moved out on his own ) , but David has a new office , too - - the one we had both been sharing as a much too crowded office for both of us . David has turned that space into a " library . " He must have 1 , 500 books in there . So when we finished perusing likenesses of Adams , I was given the tour of the " library " and a history lesson in some things my husband values . Ancient history , yes - - a couple of books on Rome and the like , but it 's mostly a collection of American history . You name it , he has it . Even a small book on the history of Miami ( where David grew up ) , a publication that first awakened him to a sense of place in his life . After our tour and conversation , we embraced and David called me " dear friend . " I came in here , to my own office , and began to sense a beautiful awareness of my deep contentment with life these dayPosted by David and I and the girls are going to Pensacola soon . ( Young Man with Integrity will be here every day to look after the cat for us , bless his heart . ) Oh , I 'm so ready for a change of scenery . I guess it will be hot in Florida , but I look forward to some ocean breezes , at least . And maybe some evening walks on the beach . My friend , Seeker Executive , has a rental condo right there on Pensacola beach . Actually , it 's her father 's , and they are giving us a week there for free . Talk about GENEROUS ! Thank you , Seeker Executive ! ( and I miss seeing you ! ) My arm is hurting more yesterday and today than it has previously . Go figure . It just really aches , and when I rotate it there 's a sharp pain still . Bummer . Nevertheless , I 'm busy , busy . The church I serve has no Christian Education at all during the summer , so I 've come up with some extra projects for myself . In June I started the Evening Prayer ( Taize style ) service on Tuesday nights and that 's been a very good thing . We have a good number of people , and of course I love that style of worship . In July my project is a Letter Writing Table for social justice and community - building . This congregation gets together each and every Sunday in the fellowship hall after worship , so I 'm going to set up a table , and make it very inviting , for people to just take five minutes to write a letter . The table 's decor is black and red . I brought a beautiful crystal lamp ( one that I 'm not using ) from home , a beautiful red box for cards ( birthday , get well , sympathy , etc ) , and I have a lovely holder for the pens and all the paper and envelopes . I have made , so far , four Topic Binders : Amnesty International , FISA and Constitutional issues , Environment , and Poverty . Inside the binders are information / background reading on the issues , sample paragraphs , or complete letters that they can just sign and send . I also have binders with addresses for federal , state and local government offices and officials . It 's all there . Easy as pie . Just sit down , find a topic that trips your trigger , take fivePosted by I 've been tagged by Jan for a meme . Thanks , Jan , and I hope Dolly turns out to be pretty tame there in South Texas . Here are the rules : a . List these rules on your blog . b . Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog . 1 . My husband and I honeymooned in Frederickberg , Texas . The place we stayed wasn 't very nice . He LOVED the museum there - - something about WW2 , I forget exactly . I consider our " real " honeymoon to be our trip to the Canadian Rockies . We both enjoyed that . 2 . When I was 17 I wrote an article for " Employer of the Year . " My boss , John S . , won based on my little essay . 3 . I had a strange experience 3 days ago . As I was driving home from church I felt a strong calling to become a 2nd grade teacher . I 'm still " processing " that one . 4 . I lived in Plano , Texas for a number of years . Never again . 5 . I was a switchboard operator for an electronics manufacturing company in my last year of high school . " Continental Telephone Electronics , may I help you ? " Stayed there and took my first two years of college at night school . 6 . My sister is Controller of her company in Greenville , South Carolina . She 's amazing . 7 . I played " Baby Elephant Walk " on the piano in 4th grade for my school 's talent show . I remember thinking I was a real ' hit ' ! c . Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs . Mompriest of Seeking Authentic VoiceSabrina at Rev SSKate at Prairie LightDiane at Faith in CommunityKathy at My Heart LeapsSteve at Beyond AssumptionsJiff at An Orientation of Heart I 'm 52 . I don 't fall easily . Two days ago , walking along in my church 's parking lot , in what can only be described as the utter caprice of the universe , I fell down . No obvious reason ; I didn 't trip . I suppose I just fell off my shoes . It was unlike I 've fallen in the past , where I take a few extremely ungracious steps forward in a hollow attempt to keep myself from actually hitting the ground . No . This was SPLAT . One second I 'm walking along , talking to Cindy , our church administrator , and the next I 'm flat out on the rough cement . I hurt my arm , and that 's been an irritating inconvenience , but more than that , and the subject of this post , is how upsetting the whole experience is for me . Not the arm - - the fall itself . I 'm an existentialist , big - time . I 'm fascinated by issues of responsibility , freedom , guilt , authenticity , reality , death , control . And there 's something about falling , at 52 years old , anyway , that is quite death - like and quite without freedom to choose . Falling , I experience being completely out of control . I can 't predict it . I can 't change the fact that it 's happening . And being so out of control , no matter how much faith I have , there 's an element of fear involved . Falling is transforming . " Transformation " is the universe going about its work , i . e . : The process or result of changing from one appearance , state , or phase to another . When I found myself on the ground , the only orienting factor I had was Cindy 's voice . Other than that , my whole world was not what it had been . I knew not where I was . I knew not who I was . Vaguely , I was aware of pain in my arm - - but what 's an " arm " when the whole concept of " body " has left me ? And although I heard Cindy speaking , I couldn 't understand her . The state of my being had abruptly metamorphosed from orientation to utter disorientation . Sheer terror of not knowing . . . is that what Alzheimer 's patients feel as their disease progresses ? In a way , it 's like waking up in the night . Gossamer floating awareness , then I open my eyes into darknss and wonder . Misty uncertaintPosted by The saga continues , but it 's good news . I went to the orthopedic doc yesterday to get the cast , as my regular doctor said to do , but this guy said a cast wasn 't appropriate . Just a sling . He showed me the x - ray and said it looked like the radial bone was pushed forward a bit . He could cast it , he said , but it would be six months before I could move my elbow after the cast came off . Better to try to move it as much as I can stand the pain in the next three weeks , then it should be fine . So , good news there . The pain pills made me sleepy , so I cancelled my appointments yesterday , keeping only the wedding rehearsal last night . Wedding is tonight and I 'll figure out a way to do that , holding my notes in my left hand , I guess . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I 've been asked to do a workshop on prayer at our regional assembly in October . In my reading , I found this by John Mogabgab : ' Come , ' my heart says , ' seek his face . ' Your face , Lord , do I seek " Ps . 27 : 8 Prayer begins when we open the shutters of our heart and send forth the dove of desire for God . This reaching out with longing is often too low - pitched for words . It is the initial gesture by which God 's love for us returns to God through our search for the face of the Beloved . The draw of love then leads us through darkened landscapes where the world dreams its tortured dreams . We seek God 's face by feeling for it in the thick opacity of the world . We stroke God 's face of faith marking the countours of God 's suffering love . In the shadow lands of hurt and hope , prayer draws us into the tenderest mutuality of trust in exquisite intimacy . " The tenderest mutuality of trust . Wow . That is my prayer this morning . i fell down yesterday . yep . walking in the parking lot of my church , i must 've stepped on a rock and fell off my [ flat ] shoes . dumb . . . . and what a shocker . . . . i really don 't know what happened . one moment i was walking along and the next moment i was on the ground . splat ! our church administrator was with me . . . . her voice was the only orienting factor in my life . . . . for several moments i didn 't know where or even who i was . . . all i knew was cindy 's voice and the pain in my arm . this was about 9 : 30 . . . . as it happened , i had made an appointment for 10 : 30 with my doctor about the sore throat , so i just drove myself , using my left arm only , straight to the doc . . . . david really thought there might be a small break in my arm . . . . the doctor sent me to get it x - rayed , and it turns out that he was right . . . . i get a cast on it today . ugh . typing with the left hand only is a drag . i have a wedding rehearsal at 6 tonight . can 't miss that . soooo , my prayer this morning is : dear god , please give me strength to get thru this day with grace . . . . help me not fall into the pity party that i often do when i 'm feeling pain . . . . . help me remember that this is simply part of embodiment , not the end of the world . . . . . help me see this for what it is - - a minor inconvenience not to be exaggerated . . . . grace . grace . grace . i walk - - and i even fall - - surrounded by grace . . . . . thank you , holy one . thank you . amenkatherine What is my prayer today ? Well , dear God , You know that the tiredness I felt yesterday morning became a sore throat in the afternoon , and , while it 's a bit better this morning , I can tell it is still there , along with my ears that are strangely hurting . Yes , okay , I 'll call my doctor to see if I can get an appointment this morning . Thank you for the new client yesterday ; I 'm grateful , and I anticipate good things for her and for me in working further with her . Holy One , you know my friend asked me about spiritual direction - - I continue to seek your guidance about that . I don 't want to turn her down , but is that my false ego ? what is best for her , God ? I do think it took quite a lot of courage for her to ask me . Last night as I was reading I came across something that applies to her so beautifully . . . were you speaking to me , perhaps , through that ? I felt such tender love yesterday morning for Lovely Passionate Feminist . It was after 9 am , so I knocked on her door and asked if she had class that morning . She JUMPED awake and hurriedly got ready . She can 't stand to be late , so I knew she was upset . I quickly made her a cup of coffee , but then remembered that her class didn 't start at 9 : 40 like I was thinking . It starts at 10 : 00 , so perhaps I shouldn 't have awoken her . She rushed into the kitchen ; I express my concern , and she says no , she did oversleep . She likes to get to class 15 minutes early . Ahh . . . I can resonate with that , I think . Super responsible . As she walked out the door and I reminded her not to rush , I felt such deep love for her . Dear God , may she continue to grow and expand who she is . May her sense of self deepen . May she become increasingly the woman You are calling her to be . An article I read last night talked about Body Awareness as we wake up in the morning . So as I awoke today , I stretched in bed , let myself feel the soft covers - - luxuriating in their soft feel against my skin - - and I listened to my husband 's breathing next to me . You were there , O God . Awareness of my body brought an awareness of You . Posted by I pray for LIFE today , dear God . I 'm tired and I have too much to do . I don 't want to drag around . I don 't want my tired body to drag my spirit down with it . I don 't want to do what is unnecessary to do . So I pray for guidance on how to maintain a really creative tension between working and taking care of myself . I know , Holy One , that if I can remain aware of You today the tired feeling will be overcome by the Loving Energy You Are . I know as well that remaining aware of You will help me know when to stop working and get some rest . Here You are . Come , Holy Spirit , come . KatherineAh . In Thomas Merton 's Book of Hours I read : Our souls rise up from our earth like Jacob waking from his dream and exclaiming : " Truly God is in this place and I knew it not ! " God becomes the only reality , in Whom all other reality takes its proper place - - and falls into insignificance . May it be so . Posted by Here are some photos of my new office . It 's tiny , but it has a window to the street ( one of only two in this house ) , and I 've been able to make it really mine in terms of color and functionality . When I was five and six years old we lived in Nederland Texas , east of Houston . I have this memory of a neighbor 's house - - the children there were older so we didn 't play over there much . But on this one rare occasion all the younger kids , like me , were in that house . And forever in my memory are the sheer purple drapes the mom had hung in one of the bedrooms . Oh ! I thought they were beautiful ! The windows were open , too , so there was movement and they sort of floated in the room . Because of that image in my mind 's eye , I decided to decorate my office in purple . Purple drapes ( not sheer , though ) , purple lamps , and I arranged some flowers with purple and pink in a purple vase . I love it ! I love sitting in this room . The feel of it is cozy and beautiful , and I feel a sacredness here . Like when I got up early this morning to go over everything for the service - - I was able to sit here and relax and jut let God 's presence calm my spirit . Belden Lane 's Landscapes of the Sacred begins with this quote : " Once in a while , we ought to concentrate our minds upon the remembered earth . We ought to give ourselves up to a particular landscape in our experience ; to look at it from as many angles as we can , to wonder upon it , to dwell upon it . We ought to imagine that we touch it with hands at every season and listen to the sounds that are made upon it . We ought to imagine the creatures there and all the faintest motions of the wind . We ought to recollect the glare of the moon and the colors of the dawn and dusk . " Lovely . Lane then begins writing by saying that sacred space is " storied space . Particular locales comes to be recognized as sacred because of the stories that are told about them . " And he mentions Abraham heading toward Canaan . Canaan my little office isn 't . Nothing so grand . But it does fulfill one or two of Lane 's axioms for " sacredPosted by The Friday Five from RevGalBlogPals : Mother Laura writes : " We 're settling into our new new apartment , and after a lifetime at Montessori Katie is having a fantastic summer at YMCA day camp . . . . . So , in celebration of summer , please share your own memories and preferences about camp . " 1 . Did you go to sleep away camp , or day camp , as a child ? Wish you could ? Or sometimes wish you hadn 't ? Never did . We weren 't church folks and I guess we didn 't have the money , either . My mom 's idea of camping out was when the electricity blew . 2 . How about camping out ? Dream vacation , nightmare , or somewhere in between ? It 's just never been on my radar . I don 't like bugs . I don 't like hot weather . I do like nice soft comfortable mattresses . If we could find someplace with a nice cool breeze , that sounds great . 3 . Have you ever worked as a camp counselor , or been to a camp for your denomination for either work or pleasure ? I never have and I never will . I did go to my denominiation 's camp once for a Singles Event back maybe 15 years ago . Lumpy beds . Giant water - bugs , poor food , and the heat sent me home a day early . That was the last time I 've been there ! 4 . Most dramatic memory of camp , or camping out ? see above ! 5 . What is your favorite camp song or songs ? Hmmm , Kum - ba - ya , I guess ! I listened to a podcast of " Speaking of Faith " this afternoon . Krista Tippett was interviewing John O ' Donoghue and his beginning words were these : Your identity is not equivalent to your biography . There 's a place in you where you 've never been wounded ; where there 's a seemlessness in you , and where there is a confidence and tranquility in you . And I think the intention of prayer and spirituality and love is now and again to visit that inner kind of sanctuary . There 's a place in you where you 've never been wounded . Wow . Just recently I said those exact words to a couple of different people . I was stunned to hear the words echoed in this way . I know that place within me . One night as I drove home from particularly powerful group therapy session , I was intensely focusing on and processing the experience . Before I knew it , I was about a block from home . It was then that I remembered that my housemate 's parents were visiting and staying with us . I wasn 't finished processing , so I drove into the parking lot of a grocery store , took out my journal and began madly writing everything down . As I did , I began to feel my soul open up and I KNEW , BEYOND ANY DOUBT , THAT THERE IS A PLACE WITHIN ME THAT CAN NEVER NEVER NEVER BE HARMED . IN THAT PLACE I AM INVIOLATE . Those were the words I used that night , but as I thought about it later , I changed " harmed " to " damaged . " It 's not as if I cannot hurt down to the core of me , but the hurt won 't damage me . It won 't damage me because that is the place within me where hurt transforms into compassion . The core of me , my soul , the image Dei within me , cannot be damaged . It 's like the beautiful crystal that I have a photo of here on my blog . . . that spark of light that is always shining forth and is indestructible , the very energy of the universe within what is truly and authentically me . As I write this , it occurs to me that I need to remember it the next time my fear of death shows up . That night I experienced what is indestructible within me . I actually knew it . Its presence filled up my carPosted by I get daily devotionals from the United Church of Christ . Today 's was especially beautiful , helping me imagine how it would be - - how I would be - - if I truly believed that God was head - over - heels GONE for me . Wow . Actually , imagining this isn 't difficult for me , but I do need reminders . It 's not difficult because of a dream I had , oh , about 20 years ago now . I was simply walking in the mall ( of all places ) . I was walking in the mall , but I carried myself as if I were beautiful . My head was held high . My shoulders were back and I was standing up tall . I was swinging my arms and smiling . I was confident about taking up space on the earth , for I knew that I was loved completely and that my life was a gift from God - - a gift not to be wasted but lived to the fullest . That dream itself was a gift from God , sent straight to me just like so many biblical characters ! The gift said , " Katherine , this is who I have created you to be , now you GO FOR IT , girl ! " I 'm smiling . Hope you will be , too , when you read this UCC devotional : _________________________ Song of Solomon 2 : 8 - 13 Arise , my love , my fair one , and come away ; for now the winter is past , the rain is over and gone . The flowers appear on the earth , the time of singing has come and the voice of the turtledove is heard in the land . Reflection by Anthony B . Robinson - - - Aren 't these lines of Scripture lovely ? Read them aloud to yourself once more . Scholars debate whether the Song of Solomon is human love poetry that is all about the love of two people , or a metaphor of God 's love for Israel and the Church . But does it have to be one or the other ? Can 't it be both ? If we can entertain that possibility , here 's another : could you imagine that God is as wild and crazy about you as a teenager gone hook - line - and - sinker , head - over - heels in love ? Often , it seems , we think and speak of God 's love for us as cool , restrained and matter - of - fact , and frankly sort of boring . But is that really the way love is ? Imagine this : God is just crazy about you ! Could that be ? Try , this one day , belieKatherine E . A friend and I are planning to facilitate a six - week group for women this Fall . We 're calling it : Centered Living : Creating Your Authentic LifeI hope we can get the word out to some people who might be interested . ( If you 're out there , let me know ! ) My friend is an LPC and a certified Gottman therapist . We 're going to concentrate on giving women some tools so that they can practice living from that centered place within them . We 'll deal with the obstacles to that as well . Speaking of obstacles . . . . We have planned this for six Wednesday evenings at my church , but now my church is considering moving all committee meetings to one night each month , and , of course , that night just happens to be Wednesday , so we 'll have to see how that plays out . I 'm hoping my friend can do Thursday evenings if it turns out to be necessary . Anyway , I 'm sure we 'll find a day of the week that suits us both . I 'm looking forward to it . Recently , I was reminded how important this kind of thing is . I was invited to be with someone who is participating in an outpatient recovery program at a local hospital - - it was Family Night and all her family is in another state , so I gladly said I would stand in their stead . What a powerful evening . The facilitator ( " leader " might be a better term since he did 90 % of all the talking ) was a hoot . His hair was long - ish , below his collar , and he was dressed up like Wyatt Earp with the cowboy shirt and vest , a scarf tied around his neck , and very distinctive boots . Turns out , he 's a cancer survivor . The cancer was in his neck , so he dresses that way to remind himself how strong he is . Each morning when he ties that scarf around is neck he is reminded that he 's alive . And I think he really enjoys being an individualist like that . Anyway , when he spoke I forgot all about his get - up . Very wise , amazingly articulate , and full of story after story from his own life to illustrate his points . One of the participants spoke about her authoritarian church background . Saddened me greatly to hear once again of how TOXIC churches Posted by I was extolling the benefits of blogging today . A friend of mine is a poet . . . she writes such beautiful things , from the simple pleasures she finds in gardening and watching birds and rabbits in her backyard , to her heavier musings on the human condition . She has blessed me greatly by giving me copies of some of her poems over the last three years or so , but I 'd love to be able to just go to her blog and read them whenever I like . My friend lives alone , too , so I was telling her about the real community that emerges among bloggers . Still , she was a hard sell . She 's resistant to the idea . Blogging isn 't for everyone . But the conversation got me thinking about how important blogging has become for me . It 's given me an important means of self - expression . It 's a way to keep in touch with Linda and Jan and Kathy and AvaNell , fellow bloggers whom I know in " real " life . And it 's allowed me to ' meet ' others and come to know something about them - - you and your lives . I love that . There are amazing people out there blogging , clergy and lay who care deeply and express themselves in beautiful and fun and sometimes incredibly moving ways . My friend may not want to blog , and that 's okay . But as for me , I 'm grateful for the opportunity - - the gift , really , of being able to ' connect ' in new ways . Today was one of those incredibly productive days . You know - - when the brain is firing on all cylinders . It made me realize how often my brain is barely firing at all these days . I blame it on the heat . As always in the summertime in Texas , it 's too damn hot . Nevertheless , on this exceptional day , I went to church ( preaching next Sunday , not today ) , facilitated a Wellness Ministry meeting , came home and worked on all kinds of little things that I 've needed to get done for a l . o . n . g . time ! Feels good to get them off my desk . Here 's something I wrote for the Area newsletter . I 'm on our Spiritual Life Committee , and we want to remind pastors of the importance of attending to their spiritual lives . . . . _______________ Cherish Your MinistryMost clergy experience a rich sense of fulfillment in serving their congregations - fulfillment that provides zest and energy . Yet , if we 're honest , most of us have also had times when our vocation seemed so demanding that our spirits dried up and a sense of apathy pervaded . Perhaps we did our best to deny that feeling and kept trudging along , hoping that no one would notice our lethargy and boredom . If you 're like me , you know that our calling to ministry is a precious thing . There are times when the intense awareness of what a privilege it is to serve Christ 's Body on this earth just takes my breath away . But our calling to ministry is also fragile and must be tended carefully if it is to remain vibrant and authentic . Caring for others , serving and leading them , telephone calls at inconvenient times , disagreements and misunderstandings , and just flat out too much to do - whew ! our work can easily deplete all our spiritual reserves . If we don 't take the time to replenish our souls , then ennui , a bone - deep weariness , and burnout can be serious threats . Attending to our spiritual life can take a vast variety of forms . A hike in nature can do wonders for some of us . For others , regular meetings with other colleagues in a truly safe environment where we can share deeply will restore ouPosted by We had a wonderful holiday today . Young Man with Integrity , his girlfriend J and her little 2 y . o . M came over . Then Life Giving and her entire family joined us for the cookout . With Lovely Passionate Feminist here for the summer , we had seven adults and three children under the age of three . Wow . It was so much fun . When I called to invite Life Giving , Little J got on the phone and asked me whether we were going swimming ( they were going to a swim party later today at someone else 's house ) . I said , " No , honey - bunnies , no swimming over here . " Well , D heard my end of the conversation , so before anyone arrived he went to Target and bought a little inflatable swimming pool for both little girls to enjoy . And it was such a neat one . As you can sort of see from the photo , it has a little cover on it . You hook the hose to the cover and it comes out as RAIN inside the pool . Pretty cute ! Anyway , so sweet of D to do that . And the girls had such fun . I took some little plastic bowls to them , and of course they played with them , splashing and carrying on . Turns out little M didn 't like to have water poured over her - - she still a bit too young for that , I think . At one point I took one of the bowls and started running around the little pool splashing water on Julia , and BOY , could she splash me back ! ha ! I got soaked ! ! J is almost 3 now - - I have a photo of her when she was about 11 months on the sidebar of the blog . I was holding her and it looks like she was really telling me off big time ! So cute . She 's grown so much . . . talks all the time and is just SO smart . Little M is just now saying some words - - not sentences yet . We went inside for a while and J asked if we could watch Beauty and the Beast . I put it in and she ( J ) ran to sit in my lap . At that , little M did the same thing , so for a while I had BOTH of them , just completely content sitting with me watching the movie together . Wish I had a picture of that ! We had hot dogs and hamburgers , good conversation , and great fun with the kiddos . Tiny M ( Life Giving 's one month old lPosted by Second career minister , pastoral counselor , hospice chaplain . Married late , I now thoroughly enjoy my husband , three children - by - marriage , daughter - in - law and son - in - law and two beautiful grandchildren . My sister , niece , and nephew live in South Carolina , and my brother and sister - in - law live in Thailand . Ph . D . in pastoral theology and pastoral counseling . Learning to love ; practicing authenticity . . . . I took the photo on a trip to France . * Some years ago , a young man stopped me after church . His little daughter played happily in an empty pew behind us . " How will I know , " he asked , " when t . . . I have to admit I 'm glad I 'm not a minister this Sunday . I would hate to have to preach today . It 's Easter morning , but I find my mind caught up in Good . . . Rabbi Mecklenberger wrote : Thank God the biblical ethic of love and justice has continued to advance , moving us beyond our hatred of people who are not like ourselves . Our biblical and post - biblical traditions demonstrate progression from exclusivity to inclusivity , as the Abrahamic promise advances from a narrow tribal understanding to God 's promise of light for all the nations in the Prophets and beyond . We believe that this movement of God 's Spirit did not end when the last words of Scripture were written , but continues to this day , tearing down barriers of injustice and small - mindedness that make it impossible for us to practice the Biblical ethic of love . Marriage . . . We are lovers of a God who specializes in turning the world 's values upside down . We are followers of a Lord who waited tables and washed feet . We are heirs of a Spirit who has power to revive the whole creation , beginning with us , but only if we will allow it - by giving up all illusions that we know how to save ourselves and begging God , one more time , to show us how it is done . One reason we run from God 's wisdom , I think , is because we do not know how to behave once we have surrendered our power . Do we just go limp now ? Probably not . We should probably go on trying to be the best we know how to be , using the best tools at hand . We just should not fool ourselves into thinking that we know what is really going on . It is entirely possible that some of our proudest achievements are embarrassing to God , and some of our most dismal failures please God very much . There is simply no way of telling , since our wisdom is so different from God 's wisdom . The only thing we can be sure of is that everything we offer up is eligible for the transforming power of God , who loves nothing better than bringing the dead back to life . RevGals Security is mostly a superstition . It does not exist in nature , nor do the children of humanity as a whole experience it . Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure . Life is either a daring adventure or nothing . ~ Helen Keller ~ Listen to your life . See it for the fathomless mystery that it is . In the boredom and the pain of it no less than in the excitement and gladness : touch , taste , smell your way to the holy and hidden heart of it , because in the last analysis all moments are key moments , and life itself is grace . And Christ is here with us on our way as surely as the way itself is here that has brought us to this place . Christ is with us , as subtle and pervasive as air . ( Frederick Buechner )
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S . is working on the letter " D " . It has been going a bit slowly , because I only do ' school ' when she asks for it . I am not about to interrupt independent play to force a learning activity she isn 't interested in ! We have had some fun with the letter this weekend , though . We had donuts for breakfast ( after which L . ran around the house wearing donut crumbs and little else , yelling " Crazy ! Crazy ! " ) , and made a couple different desserts . Or a dream jar . We haven 't quite decided . Basically ; clear glue , glitter glue , glitter , and water . And a toy your brother threw in before you could stop him . Seal the jar , shake it up , and watch it settle . This story , by the up - and - coming author C . , is brilliant . Except for the part where I get eaten . I give it to you in its entirity : One day there was a t - rex hiding in a bush . I came out of my door and I was wondering what was going on . I looked behind the bush and saw the t - rex . In the morning when I woke up , I found a big hot dog and I baked it for him . I took it to him . I ate hot dogs with him outside . After we ate breakfast , we played Ghost Busters together and pretended we were fighting ghosts . A real ghost came and the t - rex hid back in the bushes . I just stood there and looked at the ghost . The t - rex came out from behind the bushes and ate the ghost . I thanked him and we kept playing Ghost Busters . My Mom came out of the house . She was mad because she saw me playing with a t - rex . My mom told me to go inside . The t - rex ate my mom ! The t - rex spit out my mom . She was okay and she went inside because she was very mad at the t - rex . I stayed outside and thanked the t - rex . We started playing Ghost Busters again until it was dark . Then I told the t - rex it was time for him to go home . He went home . I never saw him again . In this one , Pete gets hungry , and starts building a sandwich - Dagwood Bumstead style . When he is finally finished , it is too big to eat , so he invites his friends over to share it . The short sentences of the typical junior reader work for Pete the Cat - he is , after all , a cat of few words . I missed the usual " It 's all good " tagline , but the nonplussed expressions on all the characters ' faces tickled me . Pete and his friends play a game of baseball . Pete doesn 't do as well as he would like , but he doesn 't feel bad , because he knows he did his best . Methinks Pete is getting a bit preachy . I didn 't enjoy this one quite as much . Moral lessons are fine , but let 's keep the sly humor , please . " The day of the annual town Easter Egg Hunt has arrived , and Marley and his family are ready to find the biggest , most eggstravagant egg ! Marley is great at spotting the eggs in trees and behind plants , but he just can 't seem to get the eggs to Cassie or Baby Louie before someone else snatches them up . So , in true Marley fashion , Marley decides to forge his own path . . . right through the doors of the town shops . Stopping into the grocery , the bakery , and the party store , Marley creates calamity wherever his paws touch . But will his wild egg chase end up with Marley finding the big , glorious egg before the hunt is over ? " Millions of dog owners recognized their own misbehaving pets in Grogan 's novel , Marley . In this , one of the many picture books that have resulted from that novel 's success , children are bound to identify with the messes their pets ( or they themselves ) can cause when on a single - minded quest . I look forward to reading this one in story time in a couple weeks , and anticipate many gleeful groans ! We may even forego the usual egg decorating activity , and try decorating a puppy outline instead . The brightly - colored illustrations just scream Easter , and will no doubt make it one of the first picked off the shelf . Any children 's librarian who has been on the job for more than a week can point you towards the seek - and - find - type books without looking up from her desk . This series from HarperCollinsChildrens is just tricky enough for young children to be challenged and not frustrated ( this old lady , however , would find it helpful if the back included a cheat sheet ! ) In the above example , readers must help the Easter Bunny solve a mystery . When they find him in each scene , they find the next clue . The final pages include other items to go back and look for , and of course , parents can make up their own challenges for each page , keeping repeated readings fresh and fun . Obviously , the format would make this a difficult read for a group story time , but just right for a little pre - bedtime snuggling . Tools are BIG at my house right now . C . has his own toolbox with real carpentry tools - which he mostly uses on rocks and dirt - and S . has a gardening bag with all sorts of tools , real and play . Even L . likes to use the plastic tool set - mostly to hit things ( or siblings ) with . I knew I had to bring these home as soon as I got them : Close - up photographs match the text perfectly , giving readers a very clear understanding of what is meant . Parts of the tool are identified , uses explained , and basic safety is covered . The first part of the book is designed for a beginner to read alone . The last few pages explain the mechanical principals involved - fulcrums for the hammer , why levels are needed - and include more safety tips , a glossary , and a basic index . C . enjoyed reading them out loud to me , and immediately wanted to put his tools to use again : It 's cliche , but I just have to say it : Perfectly Percy is perfectly adorable . I read it at work , and immediately added Paul Schmid to my " authors to watch " list . ( It should have already been on it for the " Petunia " books , but sometimes I 'm asleep at the wheel . ) Nothing grand or complicated , just a simple story of a little guy with a perplexing problem ( for some reason I am stuck in alliteration mode ) , who comes up with a solution all on his own . Both story and illustrations should please the pickiest preschooler - they definitely pleased me ! Well , what a coincidence , so do my little monsters - and just about every other preschooler out there . Smiling monsters shout out their favorite colors , splashing them across the page , then help some little greyish monsters find their own shades . A very high - energy way to explore primary and secondary colors . Now that it is getting warmer outside , this would be a great book to share before going out and trying some messy paint projects of your own . Put watered - down paint in squirt bottles , or fling paint onto canvas a la Jackson Pollock . Color vanilla pudding instead , and do some finger - painting indoors . Tons of possibilities ! I think I 'll be checking out Austin 's other books , as well ! This is a spotted skunk , which really does not belong at our altitude . She is about the size of an 8 - week - old kitten , and managed to get caught in a live trap that was SUPPOSED to catch a fox who is being a nuisance . Daddy relocates the animals he traps , and sometimes we get to see them first . Yes , my 3yo is petting a skunk . I thnk I first fell in love with Daddy when he e - mailed me pictures of himself petting skunks as they meandered away . You can get a better idea of the size here - about as big as his hand , and she is full - grown ! Very docile , too - never sprayed , even when he had to pokeher with a stick to get her to walk out of the trap later . Not sure how she ended up this high , but she 'll be much safer now , away from houses . My mother , the littles and I all went yard saleing this past weekend ( oh , be quiet spellcheck , that is too a word ! ) Daddy doesn 't do yard sales . If he has to shop , he wants to get in , go straight to what he needs , and get back out before he has to actually interact with any people . ( Yet , he will spend hours at an auction where he has no intention of buying anything - that one , I do not get at all . ) At yard sales , there is no quick getting in and out - there is browsing , rummaging , and staring hard at various items , trying to decide whether or not they are something you always wanted / needed , you just didn 't know it until this very instant . As someone whose Pinterest boards are full of creative uses for old shutters ( which I have yet to find at a yard sale ) , this is the part of yard sales that appeals to me most . That , and , I 'm very , very cheap . So , at the second yard sale we hit , when I saw three new - looking , largish CD / DVD racks priced very reasonably , I had to stop and stare hard . My first thought was , " pantry ! " But , I knew they wouldn 't fit in my pantry . I stared more . I thought more . They were really very cheap . They would probably fit in the van . Obviously , what I needed to do , was get another pantry to put them in . So I bought all three of them ( much to the dismay of two older ladies who came in right after me ) . They did fit ( barely ) , and as we drove slowly around to the rest of the sales on our list , I plotted where I could possibly put them . We picked up some kids ' clothes , a kindling bucket for the wood stove , and a neat little cast iron grill . Then Mom and I both started to sniff suspiciously . . . Nope . . . you know what it was , don 't you ? The shelves . The particle board shelves . Shelves made of porous material that soak in everything , and which would get completely ruined if soaked in anything liquid . By this time , however , I had figured out where I was going to put them - the closet in the boys ' room , which is just used for storage anyway - and I did not want to give up my new imaginary pantry . I brought them inside and wiped them down with a dish soap and Borax solution , then a vinegar and water solution . Nothing . Having a husband who traps skunks , I know the wonders of Woolite ( forget tomato soup or the hydrogen peroxide recipe , trust me : Woolite takes out all trace of skunk odor ! ) I aprayed on a watered - down Woolite solution , leaving it as damp as I dared : no luck . As Woolite 's biggest fan , I had a hard time believing anything commercial would work better , but I tried it . I sprayed it on , wiped it around - smells like soap and cigarettes . I resigned myself to months of baking soda boxes , and started moving the shelves into the closet . As I began piling cans on , I suddenly realized . . . . . . all I smelled was soap . It took maybe half an hour , but it worked perfectly , and I have a new favorite cleaning product ! ( Don 't worry , Woolite , I still love you for all my skunky laundry and canine needs ! ) It says it can be used on carpet , so I sprayed it on " that " spot in ours , and we seem to have a success there , too ! ( I am reserving judgement for a while - carpet odors are notorious for returning , especially when your house is as old as ours ) . I still have dry goods in the pantry just outside my kitchen , but they aren 't likely to explode in extreme heat or cold . My plan is to move things like canning jars from the garage - which is on the other side of our property - to the ' old ' pantry , so I don 't have to trek over and search the garage for them . Hopefully , that , in turn , will give me enough space to organize old clothes and toys out there . Since the garage is not as well - heated as C . 's closet , however , that will have to be a project for another day ! In vibrant language and a rhythm that moves with the rhythm of the train , Thomas describes her family 's voyage in the late 1940 's to California , the Land of Milk and Honey , as well as their early days there . The images are all positive , with no mention of the struggles many families faced as they made a place for themselves . This would be a good introduction to a unit on that time period , area , emigration , urbanization , or migrant workers . By contrast in Brick by Brick , by Charles R . Smith , Jr . , there is no denying the countless hours of heavy work slaves put into building the original White House , while " slave owners take slave hands ' pay . " Even the pictures show bloated politicians handing bills to weasily slave owners , while toiling slave children are barely able to keep their eyes open . It 's hard to find fault with a largely negative representation of what was , really , a largely negative aspect of American history . Smith still manages to impatr a sense of pride and hope - " Slave hands count shillings / with worn fingertips / and purchase freedom / earned brick by brick . " What 's that ? I 'm supposed to be objective ? I have to at least open the book before I decide I love it ? Well , if you insist . Oh , happy sigh . I 'm sorry , I can 't be objective , I just adore anything this Nelson puts to paper . I did learn a multitude of things I didn 't know about the other Nelson - Nelson Mandela , however . Or I should say , Rolihlahla ( I wonder if he ever considered going back to his given name when he got older ? Read the book to find out what that translates to - quite apt , I think ! ) I had no idea he had to leave home at such a young age . I had forgotten how long he was in prison ( over 27 years ! ) And , I was newly inspired by the determination and positive outlook he still has . Eleven - year - old Emily Elizabeth Davis has been told for her entire life that her destiny is to become a poet , just like her famous namesake , Emily Dickinson . But Emily doesn 't even really like poetry , and she has a secret career ambition that she suspects her English - professor mother will frown on . Then , just after discovering that it contains an important family secret , she loses the special volume of Emily Dickinson 's poetry that was given to her at birth . As Emily and her friends search for the lost book in used bookstores and thrift shops all across town , Emily 's understanding of destiny begins to unravel and then rewrite itself in a marvelous new way . While there are side issues of young romance , the grieving process , friendship , and social activism , the main focus is on Emily 's coming - of - age and our role in determining our own fate . Important topics are exlpored without becoming too heavy - handed , and even side characters are quirky enough to be memorable . Even at the very satisfying conclusion , readers will be unsure of whether to give the credit to twists of fate , or to Emily 's determination . They may feel inspired , however , to take a greater hand in making good things come to themselves and those around them . This is a solid upper - elementary , middle - grade choice . Thank - you to HarperCollins for the review copy ! And , I liked the book . " To you the idea to kidnap Chase Dobson might seem like a mistake . But to us . . . we were just trying to stop him from being so . . . evil . We just . . . we had to stop him . No one helps kids like us . Not at my school . We aren 't the important kids . We knew it wouldn 't stop unless we stopped it ourselves . " Katie , Nate , and Renata had no farther to fall down the social ladder . But when they hit bottom , they found each other . Together , they wanted to change things . To stop the torment . So they made a plan . One person seemed to have everyone 's secrets - and all the power . If they could stop him . . . But secrets are complicated , powerful things . They are hard to keep . And even a noble plan to stop a bully can go horribly wrong . That suspenseful set - up does not disappoint . What happened - the torment of the bully , the plot to do something about it , and what went wrong from there - is told in not just the voices of the three students involved , but from the perspective of the social worker trying to make sense of it all . Stories written this way , in alternating chapters , are not at all new , but some authors do it better than others . Willey has no difficulty giving each character his or her own voice and personality , and manages the disparity between what the omniscient reader knows , and what the social worker has not been privy to . The characters are quirky , and may not appeal to every reader , but I think those who do connect with them will do so with a passion . Several secrets are revealed throughout the book , many not until the final chapter . That makes the ending more of an information dump than a conclusion , but young readers will be happy to have all the juicy details at last . This is billed as a younger YA book , but it has more of a middle grade feel to me . I would recommend it for both middle and high school libraries . Thank - you to Carolrhoda ( Lerner ) for the review copy . Sky Yates makes our cakes every year , and she always refuses to tell us what it is going to look like beforehand . But , it 's always awesome ! I tried to get the Mayor to stop them from cutting into it , but to no avail . There were smaller goodies as well , made by Sky and our FOL President , Nadia Sikes . For those who couldn 't make the party Saturday , we had a couple other opportunities this week to celebrate all things Seuss . Monday and Wednesday are our usual preschool story times . Normally we read a few books , then do a craft . This week , I set out a few different centers , instead : Kids could either glue their goldfish down , or color the graph and eat the fish . Or , do as L . did : glue the fish down , then lick all the glue off and eat the fish . Grandma was helping him , and when she asked him , " Where does the green one go ? " he looked at her like she was mental and put it in his mouth . Tuesday , we held our first ever home school theme day . I have been wanting to do something specifically for our home schoolers ever since I started working here , and when a parent approached me about a Dr . seuss program I decided this was the perfect opportunity to dive in . I tried to come up with activities that different age groups could enjoy , and which would cover different areas of a ' curriculum ' . For PE , we had the apple activity : For math , we had the fish graphing . To make it more difficult ( and more fun ) for older kids , rather than sort by hand , they had to flip their fish into labeled cups using plastic spoons . That was a mess , and more fun than practical , but that 's just fine ! Finally , for science : the old stand - by Oobleck , of course ! Scientific American has a great step - by - step that guides kids to explore the process , rather than just pouring and mixing . I printed the whole thing out and put it up as my instructions ! I 'll be visiting them again for future projects . This is where home schooling ( or any schooling ) success shows up : no , not the blue hand . M . made his own Chinese finger trap with the Oobleck - he was carrying this cup around , asking people to put their finger in slowly ( which worked just fine ) , then try to pull it out ( stuck ! ) He took what he had learned , connected it to a time when his mother got stuck in some mud , and then developed something entirely on his own . Well done , M 's Mom - as it says it Hooray for Diffendoofer Day , you have taught him how to think !
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S . is working on the letter " D " . It has been going a bit slowly , because I only do ' school ' when she asks for it . I am not about to interrupt independent play to force a learning activity she isn 't interested in ! We have had some fun with the letter this weekend , though . We had donuts for breakfast ( after which L . ran around the house wearing donut crumbs and little else , yelling " Crazy ! Crazy ! " ) , and made a couple different desserts . Or a dream jar . We haven 't quite decided . Basically ; clear glue , glitter glue , glitter , and water . And a toy your brother threw in before you could stop him . Seal the jar , shake it up , and watch it settle . This story , by the up - and - coming author C . , is brilliant . Except for the part where I get eaten . I give it to you in its entirity : One day there was a t - rex hiding in a bush . I came out of my door and I was wondering what was going on . I looked behind the bush and saw the t - rex . In the morning when I woke up , I found a big hot dog and I baked it for him . I took it to him . I ate hot dogs with him outside . After we ate breakfast , we played Ghost Busters together and pretended we were fighting ghosts . A real ghost came and the t - rex hid back in the bushes . I just stood there and looked at the ghost . The t - rex came out from behind the bushes and ate the ghost . I thanked him and we kept playing Ghost Busters . My Mom came out of the house . She was mad because she saw me playing with a t - rex . My mom told me to go inside . The t - rex ate my mom ! The t - rex spit out my mom . She was okay and she went inside because she was very mad at the t - rex . I stayed outside and thanked the t - rex . We started playing Ghost Busters again until it was dark . Then I told the t - rex it was time for him to go home . He went home . I never saw him again . In this one , Pete gets hungry , and starts building a sandwich - Dagwood Bumstead style . When he is finally finished , it is too big to eat , so he invites his friends over to share it . The short sentences of the typical junior reader work for Pete the Cat - he is , after all , a cat of few words . I missed the usual " It 's all good " tagline , but the nonplussed expressions on all the characters ' faces tickled me . Pete and his friends play a game of baseball . Pete doesn 't do as well as he would like , but he doesn 't feel bad , because he knows he did his best . Methinks Pete is getting a bit preachy . I didn 't enjoy this one quite as much . Moral lessons are fine , but let 's keep the sly humor , please . " The day of the annual town Easter Egg Hunt has arrived , and Marley and his family are ready to find the biggest , most eggstravagant egg ! Marley is great at spotting the eggs in trees and behind plants , but he just can 't seem to get the eggs to Cassie or Baby Louie before someone else snatches them up . So , in true Marley fashion , Marley decides to forge his own path . . . right through the doors of the town shops . Stopping into the grocery , the bakery , and the party store , Marley creates calamity wherever his paws touch . But will his wild egg chase end up with Marley finding the big , glorious egg before the hunt is over ? " Millions of dog owners recognized their own misbehaving pets in Grogan 's novel , Marley . In this , one of the many picture books that have resulted from that novel 's success , children are bound to identify with the messes their pets ( or they themselves ) can cause when on a single - minded quest . I look forward to reading this one in story time in a couple weeks , and anticipate many gleeful groans ! We may even forego the usual egg decorating activity , and try decorating a puppy outline instead . The brightly - colored illustrations just scream Easter , and will no doubt make it one of the first picked off the shelf . Any children 's librarian who has been on the job for more than a week can point you towards the seek - and - find - type books without looking up from her desk . This series from HarperCollinsChildrens is just tricky enough for young children to be challenged and not frustrated ( this old lady , however , would find it helpful if the back included a cheat sheet ! ) In the above example , readers must help the Easter Bunny solve a mystery . When they find him in each scene , they find the next clue . The final pages include other items to go back and look for , and of course , parents can make up their own challenges for each page , keeping repeated readings fresh and fun . Obviously , the format would make this a difficult read for a group story time , but just right for a little pre - bedtime snuggling . Tools are BIG at my house right now . C . has his own toolbox with real carpentry tools - which he mostly uses on rocks and dirt - and S . has a gardening bag with all sorts of tools , real and play . Even L . likes to use the plastic tool set - mostly to hit things ( or siblings ) with . I knew I had to bring these home as soon as I got them : Close - up photographs match the text perfectly , giving readers a very clear understanding of what is meant . Parts of the tool are identified , uses explained , and basic safety is covered . The first part of the book is designed for a beginner to read alone . The last few pages explain the mechanical principals involved - fulcrums for the hammer , why levels are needed - and include more safety tips , a glossary , and a basic index . C . enjoyed reading them out loud to me , and immediately wanted to put his tools to use again : It 's cliche , but I just have to say it : Perfectly Percy is perfectly adorable . I read it at work , and immediately added Paul Schmid to my " authors to watch " list . ( It should have already been on it for the " Petunia " books , but sometimes I 'm asleep at the wheel . ) Nothing grand or complicated , just a simple story of a little guy with a perplexing problem ( for some reason I am stuck in alliteration mode ) , who comes up with a solution all on his own . Both story and illustrations should please the pickiest preschooler - they definitely pleased me ! Well , what a coincidence , so do my little monsters - and just about every other preschooler out there . Smiling monsters shout out their favorite colors , splashing them across the page , then help some little greyish monsters find their own shades . A very high - energy way to explore primary and secondary colors . Now that it is getting warmer outside , this would be a great book to share before going out and trying some messy paint projects of your own . Put watered - down paint in squirt bottles , or fling paint onto canvas a la Jackson Pollock . Color vanilla pudding instead , and do some finger - painting indoors . Tons of possibilities ! I think I 'll be checking out Austin 's other books , as well ! This is a spotted skunk , which really does not belong at our altitude . She is about the size of an 8 - week - old kitten , and managed to get caught in a live trap that was SUPPOSED to catch a fox who is being a nuisance . Daddy relocates the animals he traps , and sometimes we get to see them first . Yes , my 3yo is petting a skunk . I thnk I first fell in love with Daddy when he e - mailed me pictures of himself petting skunks as they meandered away . You can get a better idea of the size here - about as big as his hand , and she is full - grown ! Very docile , too - never sprayed , even when he had to pokeher with a stick to get her to walk out of the trap later . Not sure how she ended up this high , but she 'll be much safer now , away from houses . My mother , the littles and I all went yard saleing this past weekend ( oh , be quiet spellcheck , that is too a word ! ) Daddy doesn 't do yard sales . If he has to shop , he wants to get in , go straight to what he needs , and get back out before he has to actually interact with any people . ( Yet , he will spend hours at an auction where he has no intention of buying anything - that one , I do not get at all . ) At yard sales , there is no quick getting in and out - there is browsing , rummaging , and staring hard at various items , trying to decide whether or not they are something you always wanted / needed , you just didn 't know it until this very instant . As someone whose Pinterest boards are full of creative uses for old shutters ( which I have yet to find at a yard sale ) , this is the part of yard sales that appeals to me most . That , and , I 'm very , very cheap . So , at the second yard sale we hit , when I saw three new - looking , largish CD / DVD racks priced very reasonably , I had to stop and stare hard . My first thought was , " pantry ! " But , I knew they wouldn 't fit in my pantry . I stared more . I thought more . They were really very cheap . They would probably fit in the van . Obviously , what I needed to do , was get another pantry to put them in . So I bought all three of them ( much to the dismay of two older ladies who came in right after me ) . They did fit ( barely ) , and as we drove slowly around to the rest of the sales on our list , I plotted where I could possibly put them . We picked up some kids ' clothes , a kindling bucket for the wood stove , and a neat little cast iron grill . Then Mom and I both started to sniff suspiciously . . . Nope . . . you know what it was , don 't you ? The shelves . The particle board shelves . Shelves made of porous material that soak in everything , and which would get completely ruined if soaked in anything liquid . By this time , however , I had figured out where I was going to put them - the closet in the boys ' room , which is just used for storage anyway - and I did not want to give up my new imaginary pantry . I brought them inside and wiped them down with a dish soap and Borax solution , then a vinegar and water solution . Nothing . Having a husband who traps skunks , I know the wonders of Woolite ( forget tomato soup or the hydrogen peroxide recipe , trust me : Woolite takes out all trace of skunk odor ! ) I aprayed on a watered - down Woolite solution , leaving it as damp as I dared : no luck . As Woolite 's biggest fan , I had a hard time believing anything commercial would work better , but I tried it . I sprayed it on , wiped it around - smells like soap and cigarettes . I resigned myself to months of baking soda boxes , and started moving the shelves into the closet . As I began piling cans on , I suddenly realized . . . . . . all I smelled was soap . It took maybe half an hour , but it worked perfectly , and I have a new favorite cleaning product ! ( Don 't worry , Woolite , I still love you for all my skunky laundry and canine needs ! ) It says it can be used on carpet , so I sprayed it on " that " spot in ours , and we seem to have a success there , too ! ( I am reserving judgement for a while - carpet odors are notorious for returning , especially when your house is as old as ours ) . I still have dry goods in the pantry just outside my kitchen , but they aren 't likely to explode in extreme heat or cold . My plan is to move things like canning jars from the garage - which is on the other side of our property - to the ' old ' pantry , so I don 't have to trek over and search the garage for them . Hopefully , that , in turn , will give me enough space to organize old clothes and toys out there . Since the garage is not as well - heated as C . 's closet , however , that will have to be a project for another day ! In vibrant language and a rhythm that moves with the rhythm of the train , Thomas describes her family 's voyage in the late 1940 's to California , the Land of Milk and Honey , as well as their early days there . The images are all positive , with no mention of the struggles many families faced as they made a place for themselves . This would be a good introduction to a unit on that time period , area , emigration , urbanization , or migrant workers . By contrast in Brick by Brick , by Charles R . Smith , Jr . , there is no denying the countless hours of heavy work slaves put into building the original White House , while " slave owners take slave hands ' pay . " Even the pictures show bloated politicians handing bills to weasily slave owners , while toiling slave children are barely able to keep their eyes open . It 's hard to find fault with a largely negative representation of what was , really , a largely negative aspect of American history . Smith still manages to impatr a sense of pride and hope - " Slave hands count shillings / with worn fingertips / and purchase freedom / earned brick by brick . " What 's that ? I 'm supposed to be objective ? I have to at least open the book before I decide I love it ? Well , if you insist . Oh , happy sigh . I 'm sorry , I can 't be objective , I just adore anything this Nelson puts to paper . I did learn a multitude of things I didn 't know about the other Nelson - Nelson Mandela , however . Or I should say , Rolihlahla ( I wonder if he ever considered going back to his given name when he got older ? Read the book to find out what that translates to - quite apt , I think ! ) I had no idea he had to leave home at such a young age . I had forgotten how long he was in prison ( over 27 years ! ) And , I was newly inspired by the determination and positive outlook he still has . Eleven - year - old Emily Elizabeth Davis has been told for her entire life that her destiny is to become a poet , just like her famous namesake , Emily Dickinson . But Emily doesn 't even really like poetry , and she has a secret career ambition that she suspects her English - professor mother will frown on . Then , just after discovering that it contains an important family secret , she loses the special volume of Emily Dickinson 's poetry that was given to her at birth . As Emily and her friends search for the lost book in used bookstores and thrift shops all across town , Emily 's understanding of destiny begins to unravel and then rewrite itself in a marvelous new way . While there are side issues of young romance , the grieving process , friendship , and social activism , the main focus is on Emily 's coming - of - age and our role in determining our own fate . Important topics are exlpored without becoming too heavy - handed , and even side characters are quirky enough to be memorable . Even at the very satisfying conclusion , readers will be unsure of whether to give the credit to twists of fate , or to Emily 's determination . They may feel inspired , however , to take a greater hand in making good things come to themselves and those around them . This is a solid upper - elementary , middle - grade choice . Thank - you to HarperCollins for the review copy ! And , I liked the book . " To you the idea to kidnap Chase Dobson might seem like a mistake . But to us . . . we were just trying to stop him from being so . . . evil . We just . . . we had to stop him . No one helps kids like us . Not at my school . We aren 't the important kids . We knew it wouldn 't stop unless we stopped it ourselves . " Katie , Nate , and Renata had no farther to fall down the social ladder . But when they hit bottom , they found each other . Together , they wanted to change things . To stop the torment . So they made a plan . One person seemed to have everyone 's secrets - and all the power . If they could stop him . . . But secrets are complicated , powerful things . They are hard to keep . And even a noble plan to stop a bully can go horribly wrong . That suspenseful set - up does not disappoint . What happened - the torment of the bully , the plot to do something about it , and what went wrong from there - is told in not just the voices of the three students involved , but from the perspective of the social worker trying to make sense of it all . Stories written this way , in alternating chapters , are not at all new , but some authors do it better than others . Willey has no difficulty giving each character his or her own voice and personality , and manages the disparity between what the omniscient reader knows , and what the social worker has not been privy to . The characters are quirky , and may not appeal to every reader , but I think those who do connect with them will do so with a passion . Several secrets are revealed throughout the book , many not until the final chapter . That makes the ending more of an information dump than a conclusion , but young readers will be happy to have all the juicy details at last . This is billed as a younger YA book , but it has more of a middle grade feel to me . I would recommend it for both middle and high school libraries . Thank - you to Carolrhoda ( Lerner ) for the review copy . Sky Yates makes our cakes every year , and she always refuses to tell us what it is going to look like beforehand . But , it 's always awesome ! I tried to get the Mayor to stop them from cutting into it , but to no avail . There were smaller goodies as well , made by Sky and our FOL President , Nadia Sikes . For those who couldn 't make the party Saturday , we had a couple other opportunities this week to celebrate all things Seuss . Monday and Wednesday are our usual preschool story times . Normally we read a few books , then do a craft . This week , I set out a few different centers , instead : Kids could either glue their goldfish down , or color the graph and eat the fish . Or , do as L . did : glue the fish down , then lick all the glue off and eat the fish . Grandma was helping him , and when she asked him , " Where does the green one go ? " he looked at her like she was mental and put it in his mouth . Tuesday , we held our first ever home school theme day . I have been wanting to do something specifically for our home schoolers ever since I started working here , and when a parent approached me about a Dr . seuss program I decided this was the perfect opportunity to dive in . I tried to come up with activities that different age groups could enjoy , and which would cover different areas of a ' curriculum ' . For PE , we had the apple activity : For math , we had the fish graphing . To make it more difficult ( and more fun ) for older kids , rather than sort by hand , they had to flip their fish into labeled cups using plastic spoons . That was a mess , and more fun than practical , but that 's just fine ! Finally , for science : the old stand - by Oobleck , of course ! Scientific American has a great step - by - step that guides kids to explore the process , rather than just pouring and mixing . I printed the whole thing out and put it up as my instructions ! I 'll be visiting them again for future projects . This is where home schooling ( or any schooling ) success shows up : no , not the blue hand . M . made his own Chinese finger trap with the Oobleck - he was carrying this cup around , asking people to put their finger in slowly ( which worked just fine ) , then try to pull it out ( stuck ! ) He took what he had learned , connected it to a time when his mother got stuck in some mud , and then developed something entirely on his own . Well done , M 's Mom - as it says it Hooray for Diffendoofer Day , you have taught him how to think !
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I 'm ' borrowing ' this off Mrs 4444 's from Half Past Kissing Time . Only she does Friday Fragments , cause that makes more sense , but shhhhh . : ) - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - I have about 3 Christmas presents left to buy and then I 'm done ! ! Hurrah ! ! Then comes the wrapping , which I usually enjoy , but I 'm just not looking forward to it . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - My Dad and My Step - mum got married recently . After 24 years together . It was amazing . They looked so happy and it was a great day , and it was amazing . Only downside ? I got a MASSIVE migraine about halfway through and had to have a nap . : ( Luckily where they got married was a kinda camp - site ( not as in tents as in cute cabins ) had cabins and I could get a nap and not be noticed . : ) My sisters { 2 of em } and I plus my brother were in the wedding party . And my older sister did all our hair { she 's a proper hair dresser , ps . } Here 's a picture of my hair { and makeup , kinda } : { total selfie , I know } - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - I started a new job at the beginning of last month , and I 'm a bit indifferent to it . The people are completely different to my old team and I don 't love it . The work is different { and sometimes boring } , in comparison to my old team too . But this is an actual step into a career and not just a job , like my last one , so I guess that 's ok . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - My dads dog had puppies two weeks before the wedding , { the day of the hens / bucks night actually } and I . AM . IN . LOVE . Oh my gosh . They are so cute . They were SO gross being born , but they are so cute . Meet Franklin : I want to hold him and love him , and have him live with me , and oh my goodness he is so cute . There are others too , 8 in total , and if you are looking for a new puppy { or puppies } , they all need homes - - or at least that 's what my dad is saying now , I think he is slowly falling in love with them too . : ) Part Lab , Part Posted by . . . we never knows what goes on in someone 's marriage . We never know if it 's a happy marriage or a charade . We will never know if the 72 days was the most happy or worse days of someone 's life . And so we shouldn 't judge . But we do . Why wouldn 't we , we were ' forced ' to watch this persons tv show , we were ' forced ' to watch this persons relationship on their show , and we were ' forced ' to watch the 2 wedding spectacular . Oh , you weren 't forced ? My mistake . The way everyone is going on about it , seems to me everyone had a gun to their head being made to watch it . All . I get that 72 days isn 't a whole lot . I get that gay marriage is gonna ride on this train for a while - - the whole gays don 't ruin marriage , KK 's 72 days marriage does etc . But we don 't know . It doesn 't look good that she filed and he had no idea - - communication being one of theirs issues , I assume - - it doesn 't look good that she flew to here within days of filing , leaving her husband alone . But she did . Marriage is hard . And we never know what is going on in someone elses . . . . . I also am terrible at taking selfies . Yesterday the husband wanted to go to the Art Museum , cause there was some portrait exhibition on . As it turned out we didn 't know exactly where to go in the museum at first so started wandering . This is when i discovered , i don 't get art . Here is an example of what we saw : My first thought was , maybe they just got it and haven 't had it put up on the wall yet . Nope . I was wrong . That was the piece . I don 't get art . Then i saw this and thought pretty ! ! . . . . it was in the kids section . You know where they sit and draw while the adults look at " proper " art . Yep . Moving on . . . . The husband and I slowly decided to wander through the park on the walk back home , but we were so tired from walking to the museum and then around the museum , and from having to figure out what was actual art and not actual art , { I 'll give you a hint , it was mostly all actual art , even the triangle within the square that was drawn DRAWN onto the wall } . So we decided to rest on the grass for a little bit . This is where I discovered that not only do I not " get " art , but i also can 't take selfies . Here are some examples of attempts from both myself AND the husband . . . . Ignore the squinty eyes and the wrinkles , i was looking directly into the sun . Smart , i know . Im gonna end with my two favourites though . So now you have seen my skills as a photographer . # Please note , we were just using our phones , so Im gonna totally blame them . : ) I don 't know if its like this everywhere , or just here , but i have two thoughts in my head and i want to know why its OK . Why is is OK to make fun of " Rangas " ? # # I know that using that term in this question is kinda odd , but bear with me . This is kinda bought on by seeing this article , but more so the jokes that came after . I don 't have red red hair , but its turning that way . { As i was growing up my hair was brown brown , but naturally its tinting redder and redder } My older sister had red / orange hair growing up and she copped terrible terrible hell with it , so much so , she dyed it as soon as mum let her and hasn 't gone back . My friend noticed my hair changing the other day and the way he looked at me was like , i don 't know , not one of admiration . It wasn 't nice . I don 't understand why people who have no control over what colour their hair may be should be bullied . In the same note , there are blonde jokes , but I think that " ranga " jokes are meaner . People want to be blonde , no one wants to be a red / orange head . My next question is : Why are women " supposed " to be curvy , and " big is beautiful " but someone who is naturally skinny always is " too " skinny ? # # My question refers to naturally skinny females , not females who starve themselves / are not well etc . Now , before i go any further , I 'm small . Between a size 8 - 10 < 6 - 8 US > which , { I 've just seen apparently isn 't as small as i thought it was . . . } is smaller then the average size here of 12 . Yet , when there is hoopla about national sizing / fashion week etc , its always the small girls who are in the wrong . I 've been small all my life . I 've never been bigger then a 10 , and i don 't remember the last time i weighted more then 55kgs < 120lbs > at my heaviest . I can 't help that . I eat terribly . So badly . But my weight just doesn 't happen . I 've been told my whole life that when i turn 25 / 26 / 30 I 'll get really fat and then I 'll know blah blah blah . And all i hear is how " Real Women have curves " . So not only am i too skinny , but I 'm not a " real woman " . Who decided this ? And why is it OK ? I have loads of stuff to say , but i can 't get it out of my head and through my hands onto the keyboard . So i don 't really know what this post will end up as . I apologize in advance . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - I went to the doctors the other day . I had to get the pill . I 'm married , just FYI , just in case you didn 't know . Its also winter time here , just keep that in mind . I 've been on the pill before also , just not in ages . . . . I haven 't gotten it since going to these doctors . Anyway . . . I had gloves on when i went in there , so of course , my wedding ring was covered . And of course , even though I 'm 26 , ( yeah , ahuh , 26 ) , i had to sit through the ' sexually active ' lecture . BLAH . That was fun . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - My friend is having her engagement party this weekend . Its a backyard engagement party . In the west . Where there will likely be a fire drum . If you are on twitter , I 'll likely be talking about it . I don 't know if it 'll be good , or great or blah . I just i don 't know . I like hanging out with that part of my past . But then i feel like I 'm SO different to them now as well , so i don 't how it will be . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - AND THEN ! ! The engagement party is on Saturday night . Then on Monday morning , SUPER early , I fly down to Melbourne . THEN ! ! On Tuesday , we fly out to Bali ! ! ( The husband is flying to Melbourne on Saturday , to see his family , and I 'm staying to go to the engagement party ) . While it seems I 'm super excited , I 'm not sure i am just yet . I 'm excited about not having to go to work for almost 3 weeks . I 'm excited to be in the sun and not in the cold . I 'm excited to get another stamp in my passport , - - which reminds me i need to find that - - . But I 'm not sure if I 'm quite excited about Bali yet . We 'll see . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - I really wish there was a change all option on the spellcheck here . . . I 'm writing this while watching " The Rachel Zoe Project " ( only its the first ep of season 2 , so before she got knocked up and i already know how its going to end . . . In fact as its going on , i think i may have even see this episode - - yeah , i watch too much bad TV , you should know this by now - - ) { North Sydney just before the bridge on the " good " side } Moving on . . . . This week , I 'm getting paid a bonus . My first . Ever . I 've been working since i was 14 ( and 9 months - - I be legal of course - - ) , but have never , ever , ever receive a bonus . Ever . ( FYi - for those wondering , I 'm turning 26 at the beginning of July , if that helps ) While its not a lot , and most ( some ) of it is going to pay off part of my credit cards , its still like free money . Kinda like a tax return , which is ALSO coming up soon , so YAY ! ! RAWR ! { This is the Ice Bear Project } NEXT ! ! Its my baby sisters 16th birthday this month . She is turning 16 . She was born in 1995 . Next month its my baby brothers 18th ( ! ! ) birthday . He was born in 1993 . They were born in the 90s , people . And they are already turning significant ages . Blows . My . Mind . { This is from Vivid - - better last year in my opinion . It was spread out more and you got to see Sydney more . Might have been cause last year it wasn 't raining and 1000s of people weren 't there , but blah - - - } On that , Its winter ( now ) , and its been FREEZING ! ! I 've been working the late shift ( 11pm finish ) and the early shift ( 7am starts ) , which means i get no sun on my way to / from work . I also get the coldest of the cold . And i weigh 50 ( ish ) kgs { 110llb ? ) so the wind goes RIGHT through me . For some reason , my ears are always the coldest . No idea . But I have kinda a small head , * shush * so most hats / beanies don 't suit / fit me . I 've been wanting to get ear muffs ( is there another name for them ? That sounds kinda . . . . dirty ) . So then yesterday , the husband bought some for me as a surprise ! ! { and he cooked tea , so it was totally my night ! } { On the train just before 6am with my winter essentials - - FYI while they are fingerless gloves , they totPosted by If you don 't know this story , check out here first . It 's a terrible story . Honestly . But I 'm fascinated . A lot . I like things like this . Murder and rape and torture and intrigue . It 's terrible to have to explain to people about the books I 'm reading - - of which this is probably the most " tame " - - There is no good way for this story to turn out . But no one is talking . Either she had this poor child and killed / murdered / " got rid of " her , and deserves to be locked up , ORShe gave this poor child up , to someone . And she is being put away for something she didn 't do . I 'm fascinated . What makes someone do this ? What makes someone have * several * abortions in her teens / early twenties ? What makes someone think that she can become pregnant and not tell the fathers ? What makes someone give 2 beautiful babies up for adoption with no regard for the Childs or the fathers choice of knowing ? * * I think the fathers and adopted kids know of and have met each other but don 't quote me * * What makes someone keep this all a secret ? What kind of pressure did she have on her ? What kind of pressure did she put on herself ? What if Tegan is out there wondering ? IF Tegan is out there , is she ok ? Is her family keeping her a secret ? . IF she is out there , what makes a family keep this a secret and allows someone to be put away for a long time for something they didn 't do ? Like I said , I 'm fascinated . * * I apologize in advance for the mess that this post is going to be , but welcome to my brain at the moment * * Stuff is happening on the working front . I dunno if its good stuff . I hope its good stuff , but it has to be secret stuff for the moment . At least until Tuesday . Then i hope i will be happy . I hope . A lot . A lot a lot . Basically put it this way , if you are the praying type , please keep me in your thoughts . I wouldn 't normally ask , and I 'm not being selfish , trust me . Trust me , I 'm not . I don 't want to share just yet , but I may after Tuesday . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - In other news , hopefully in June , i will have paid a heap onto one of my credit cards , and it will be nearly gone . People , this just leaves 2 left ( not including the husbands one ) . I would 've paid more then half my debt off ! ! ( * * Note * * This relates to the work thing , so hopefully , hopefully this is still feasible . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Ever had bed bugs ? I have . In my old , old , old house , and it was terrible . Ever had chicken pox ? I have . Twice . It was just as awesome . Now , i have neither of those right now , but I have the same annoyance in being itchy . Ever had to use Aristocort ? I am now . I have no idea what it 's supposed to do , except make me stop scratching myself in my sleep to the point of bleeding - no , I 'm not kidding or over exaggerating - but I 'm not sure its working yet . If any of you out there have any encouragement with this , i would really love it . To be honest , i just want to wake up with no more random scratches on me . : ( - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - It was my grandmas birthday last week . My dads mum . My dads dad passed away a lot time ago . Maybe 8 years ago . My grandmas tough . And strong . And great . I love my dads family . Mostly . A lot . I love that i happened to have a day off , so that i could spend the day ( or part of it ) with her and them . She turned 80 , or 78 or 74 . No one was really sure . Including her , mostly . My grandma said her birth certificate says she was 80 , but my dad and his brother , ( my uncle ) both said differently . I love that thaPosted by This post will probably bring disgust and shame on you and all the other stuff , but I need to say it somewhere and no one is allowing me to IRL . I don 't get it . I think that Obama is great ( although not MY president , ( cause I 'm obviously not in the US , not because I wouldn 't choose him ) so my opinion is only based on what I see and not how it affects me ) , and I think that a lot of what he does our PM would like to be there with him . But I don 't get it . He killed ( or arranged the killing cause he didn 't exactly do it himself , now ) of Osama . And that 's great . But . . . . It doesn 't end the wars . It doesn 't bring our soldiers ( ALL our soldiers , not just the US troops he was referring to in his speech ) , home . It doesn 't make them safe where they are . And to be honest , it doesn 't exactly make us safe at home here either . I think it actually kinda makes it worse . Won 't his underlings want to step up ? Won 't they want to avenge his death ? Won 't that ( possibly ) cause more fear ? I didn 't understand the dancing in the streets that was going in the US when it was announced . Yes , he was the ' mastermind ' , but he was still only one man . His death doesn 't automatically stop all the fear and craziness in the world . Did it work with Saddam ? Now , I 'm not the most religious person ( anymore ) but I have a lot of Christian friends and yesterday , I counted 1 , just 1 person who wasn 't delighted at the death of another person . Again , I do understand who he is , but he is still just ONE man . My friend posted this : And thisAnd she was alone in this thinking . Or at least fb status wise . I just don 't get it . * * please note : the reason I wasn 't ' allowed ' to say this IRL was because people had different opinions to me and weren 't allowing me to express mine . I don 't mind if you have a different opinion , we aren 't robots for gosh sakes , but please don 't disallow other opinions also * * Oh , ps . Was it grand or was it grand that he interrupted The Apprentice . Te he he he . * * Please note , I was awake til about 5am last night * and may have had a lot to drink * and its now 8am , i don 't know why my body hates sleep today , all i know is that it does , let me apologize in advance * * So my husband turned 30 yesterday , and while he didn 't want to celebrate it ( except when it came to presents ) , that was cool . I was going to write a post on that , but its basically i got him an ipad , ( cause I 'm the best wife in the world ) , and a book he wanted , and a DVD that he bought and didn 't tell me about , and some $ $ $ for comics . Best wife in the world right here . My other friend had a party , and the husband decided that we were going to that . Anyway , i wrote a post last night while i was lying in bed , on my phone , with one eye needing to be shut , cause otherwise i wouldn 't have been able to see anything . And while it was full of misspellings , and in no form will be copied and pasted here , the premise is going to be . ( is premise even the right word ? ! ? - i don 't even know ) I 've realised that I don 't really have the ability to talk to males , who I a ) don 't know ( or at least not without a distraction b ) males who i think may be attracted to me ( again at least not with a distraction c ) who I 'm attracted to . Give me a guy who knows I 'm not available , a guy i have to work with , or a gay and I 'm down . I can have conversations all night long . But any of the other three , and i will make an excuse , any excuse to either talk about anything apart from myself , ( or him ) or make an excuse to leave the conversation . Just so i don 't have to feel awkward . I also hate HATE small talk . Or at least with people i don 't know . I 'd prefer to sit in silence with people i do know . So anyway , last night , i noticed this guy notice me ( please note , this is an option a ) and b ) issue here , not an option c ) issue ) . He seemed polite and while he introduced himself , ( after a female friend was checking him out ) , i introduced myself * I 'm not rude , gosh * and basically made an excuse to introduce said female friend . Who then said i was married , ( Posted by They shall grow not old , as we that are left grow old ; Age shall not weary them , nor the years condemn . At the going down of the sun and in the morningWe will remember them . Today is ANZAC day . And as I 'm writing this i can hear the bugle playing at the war memorial that 's down the street . Chilling . I shouldve been down there for the dawn service , but woke too late . Slack . When i was younger i never really got today or Remembrance day . I mean I always ' celebrated ' them , at school and was made to be silent at home and stuff . But i never really got them . When i was at school , it was just a time to sit for a minute in kid silence , ( which was never silence at all , to be honest , someone always had to cough or sneeze or laugh ) , even in high school . But now , i think about all the differences that couldve happened had it not been for those brave men ( and women , who although they weren 't in the war , they were brave at the home fronts ) . I think about if it was my dad lost on the Gallipoli beach , or my Pop . Or if it was them who came home and were different . I don 't know if my family had a part in any of the wars to be honest , I 've never heard anyone speak about it and I 've never asked . i don 't know if that would make today any more or less severe for me now . I don 't know if it would 've made a difference when i was a kid . I just know that I 'm glad that those men ( and women ) were so brave then , so that i could be who i am now . And while it will never be enough , I want to thank them . So Thank You . Thank You to the Men who fought and are still fighting on the war fields . Thank You to the Men who fought and are still fighting the demons they got . Thank You to the Women who stayed and braved those lonely nights , not knowing , hoping and Thank You to the Women who still do that today . Thank You to the Families who were different after . Thank You for allowing your Fathers , Sons , Brothers bravery to save me , even if it meant a sacrifice to your life . They shall grow not old , as we that are left grow old ; Age shall not weary them , nor the yearPosted by I 'm trying to be secretive on purpose , ps . - While I 'm not aware of people I know IRL reading this , it is the internet after all . I didn 't think that I was at the age where my friends / family were losing theirs . I don 't want to be at this stage . But I am . At least for one of my loves . We knew it was coming . It had been coming since I met them . Even before I met them . It wasn 't a surprise . At least not in the sense that it was coming . But it had not come yet , so it was kind of a surprise . Sudden . After not happening for so long . When you are waiting for something for so long , it 's not expected . So it was a shock . I feel terrible for saying this , but it didn 't affect me directly , so I 'm not sure how to deal with it . I 'm not a comforter . I don 't have that skill yet . And it 's terrible that I don 't . But I don 't . I don 't know how I should be acting , cause it 's not direct to me . I 'm being polite and nice , and all the stuff that I think I should do , but I don 't know if I 'm doing the right things . I don 't want to do the wrong things , but I don 't know what they are , so I might . I 'm in the middle . Being there , but not being there . I need a funeral dress . So , while the Husband and I are renting right now , I eventually want to buy a house , before we start having babies and such . And when I say buy a house , my dream would be to build a house and live in it forever and have it become a ' family ' house like my grandparents house was . I loved that . So , here is a list of all the things that I would love love love in my dream house . ~ A Library . I would LOVE to have a whole room in my house that is just full of books . And comfy chairs or Love Sacs and it will just be wonderful . If i can 't have a whole room , i would to have a long long hallway that has a whole wall of bookshelves . Heaven ! ( And if i get a wall of books , I 'm sure the Husband would want a wall of DVDs , { which we currently are on our way to , by the by } which is acceptable ) ~ A Laundry Chute . I hate laundry . I like putting it in the washer machine / dryer and sometimes I like folding it , but I HATE having to find the laundry and getting it together . If we had a chute i would never need to ! Hurrah ! And this leads us onto the next thing . . . . . ~ A Double Storey OR TRI Level house . I am in love with the idea of a tri level house . In . Love . Not so much three completely separate levels , but say , a few steps just separating the different parts of the house . ~ A pool . I want a pool . I personally probably wouldn 't use it heaps . But I think that pools and backyard gathering go together like nothing else here , so of course its a must . ~ An amazing Kitchen . I have no idea what makes an amazing kitchen , but family gatherings are always about food , no ? : ) ( All i really know , is its gonna have an amazing dishwasher . ) ~ An { in ground } trampoline . I love trampolines , and i think they are a must , whether we have kids or not . The in ground part is just safer { read boringer then the 80s one i grew up with } . ~ Ducted air con / heating . It gets hot here . Real hot . It also gets cold here . Real cold . ~ Ducted VACUUM Cleaner . Yes , they have these and they are awesome . Imagine not having to lug a vacuum cleaner around you house , but just have to plug tPosted by I don 't know what it is at the moment . But , I 'm bored . A lot . With everything . I go to work and I 'm bored . Not because the work is boring ( although sometimes it is ) . But because I 'm bored with what I 'm doing . I try and distract myself and read the news , but nope . Halfway through whatever article I read , over it . I come home and am bored . I watch some of my favourite tv and I can 't watch it without doing something else as well . And even then , bored . I 'm bored listening to my favourite music . I 'm bored cleaning my house . I even went shopping the other day . Shoe shopping . Bored . I didn 't even end up buying myself any shoes ! ( and I actually really need them ) . I can 't even read a whole blog post from my favourite writers ! I just dont know what is wrong with me . Sitting at home alone watching bad tv . Terrible tv . Have been all weekend . Husbands away . Again . Its hard . Boring . Lonely . And all the plans I make for myself , things that I can do , will do , want to do , alone , I don 't . Somehow I don 't have the time . It was Mardi Gras weekend this weekend . Our Mardi Gras isn 't like the New Orleans Mardi Gras . Or at least , I don 't think it is . I haven 't investigated it that much . Let 's just assume I 'm right . Even though it was just down the street from my house ( literally , I could see the rehersals from my balcony ) , I didn 't go to it . It was also on tv . I didn 't watch it though . Well , actually , i did flip the channels and i saw my friend from work on the tv , with her gang . Famous . My work had a float in the parade too . Apparently , it didn 't get much airtime . I 've been having trouble at work lately . I love my job ( mostly ) . I love my team mates ( mostly ) . But my boss has been bringing me ( and my team ) down . I don 't think on purpose . At least I hope not . But it hurts and I don 't like it . I know I hardly ever say good things about my job , but some people there , I really really love and basically think of them as family . The family I had a choice with . So , that Charlie Sheen is crazy , hey ? Entertaining , and has gorgeous kids , but my gosh . Next . . . This is my new favourite song . I 'm sure my neighbours are probably sick of hearing it . Im sure my husband will be sick of hearing it when he gets home and updates his iphone , cause i downloaded it too . Amanda ( Fucking ) Palmer . < 3 ( EDIT : I don 't know how to make it so the video is the proper size , so sorry , but listen anyway . Sorry , it looks ugly . ) My TV is broken . It plays sound , but no picture . Wait , it plays picture for about a sec and then goes black . The husband tells me , " What are we going to do about the TV ? " I think ( but don 't say even though i really really want to ) , " I guess I 'll just get to work on my TV fixing skills , shall i ? " sigh . We have another TV in the bedroom . I think its enough . He disagrees . sigh . Ps . Its done this before and it fixed itself , so hopefully , hopefully it 'll do that again . I 'd rather that , then his choice , which is to go out and buy a new TV right now . Even though its 11 . 30 at night . Like i said , sigh . Dear followers , I 'm looking to follow more blogs , but i just spent a little while looking and all i found were boat blogs , ( boring ! ) religious blogs ( not interested ) and mummy blogs ( childless ) . Help me ! Dear Husband , When are you going to get home ? I did all the cleaning and washing already , so you have no chores . . ; ) Dear Work , You are getting boring to me again . I don 't like it when i have to spend all day somewhere bored . Dear Foxtel , I have like 100 channels . Why is it that the best thing on TV right now is " the Real Housewives " ? ! ? Dear one of my credit cards , Hurrah ! ! You are gone ! ! Dear a different credit card , You are a quarter ( or what i like to call a quarter ) down , get ready to be gone ! Dear another different credit card , I 'm gonna be holding onto you a little while , sorry . Dear Anyone , Wanna clean my bedroom ? Its been in its current state for a little while . . . not a good state . Dear Wet ' n ' Wild SYDNEY ! ! ! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Dear Friend whos baby i saw for the first time in real life recently , Your baby has a adult face . Not a baby face . Its not ugly . But its definitely not cute . I 'm sorry i mentioned it so much , but it freaked me out . No , i will not post a photo . More cause a photo doesn 't show the adult face as much . Dear Work , I generally love you . Really . But for the past 16 days , and the next 6 days , having only two { separate } days off , is just not enough . Someone please remind me to never do this again . Dear Little Sisters EX BF , I hate you . I hate you for making her cry . I hate you for lying to her . I hate you for blaming her for you lying to her . I hate you for not being a man . I hope that you realise that you lost a delightful delightful young Lady . Dear Kelly Cutrone , I fell a little bit in love with you from this show . Then i saw you on this show . Now , I 'm watching you on this show . . . I love you . Ps . Don 't judge my terrible tv watching habits . . . trust me , its worse . : ) Dear GREAT Coconut and Lime hand soap , Thanks for being so delightfully good smelling . Sorry mum , that you gave it to me for a Christmas present and i forgot about it til now . { I did try and find a link or a picture but couldn 't : ( } Dear HIMYM , I love you . I 've probably said that before , but i don 't care . Dear Not Always Right , You make me feel better about talking to stupid people at my job . : ) Dear { slutty } girls whose profile picture on FB is in a bikini , You don 't look good . And if you did look good , you wouldn 't need a picture of yourself in a bikini as your profile picture . Dear Dad , Happy 50Th for next weekend . I hope you have a fantastic time . I hope that I have made the last 25 years of your life better rather then worse . I hope you like your present . Love you . So its Jan 26 today , ( well , for me right now , anyway ) which means it Australia Day for us . YAY ! I love Australia Day . I love Australia , so its a given that I LOVE Australia Day . ( Greatest place on earth - just saying ) I had to work today , ( SUCKS ) , so i didn 't get to go celebrate out on the streets or anything fun like that , but living in the city - where people come to celebrate cause there is big festivities - i saw everyone coming in when i was leaving and hanging around when i came back in after work . On my way to work it was great , loads of different people of different nationality 's ( is that what it is , if they are all Australian ? Or is Cultures the right thing ? They weren 't all white Australians is all ) all wearing the Australian flag , either as tattoos , shirts , hats or had flags . It was a great feeling . Then off to work . . . . Now my work has a dress code . No thongs . So sadly , even though they are iconic Aussie footwear , i didn 't wear any . : ( BUT ! I did wear Jean shorts and a Bonds ( wifebeater ) singlet . Iconic Australian Wear , i must say . Sadly , i didn 't wear a flag at all though . : ( Ive mentioned my work a few times here , basics are i work in a call centre , part of my job is to take calls from the offshore reps when they need help . These are people in an Asian ( i guess you would call it that ? ) country , that are trained to speak with an American accent to help Australian customers . Makes sense right ? Anyway , i no longer really notice the account , but today when they were wishing me a Happy Australia Day , and saying GoodDay ( or i guess trying to say G ' day ) i noticed and it made me feel so much pride . They aren 't even in the country and the euthesium in their voices when they were saying it , was great . Just great . Fast forward 6 hours or so . . . . . . I finish work and get home to find the husband has bought PRAWNS ( NOT Shrimp ) for tea . Yum ! . . . . the only other acceptable thing to eat today is Lamb . Cooked on a barbeque , after being encouraged by these . . . Seriously watch them . I 'll wait . AND . . . . I managed to watch part of the firPosted by So this article came out on the front page of the paper today . Here is just a little bit : HE ' S a battler from Sydney 's west , a factory worker whose dream is to win a share in Lotto and take his wife on her first overseas holiday . But Ghazi Adra could also be the state 's most honest man - finding $ 50 , 000 cash on a train seat , then handing it straight to police . The money - a large bundle of $ US100 notes stashed inside a cooler bag - would have been enough for Mr Adra to retire immediately and whisk his wife away on her dream trip . But the 68 - year - old insisted the cash had to be returned to its rightful owner . All he wants is a thank you . Now , that 's not the part where people suck . This is where people suck : Lets ignore the poor use of the English language , and look at these peoples attitude . Who cares ? I would keep it ? I 'm not gonna get caught , so its ok ? She must be stupid ? Come on now . People suck . For the record , in that picture , I 'm R . The only one saying that they would hand it in . In the article , there was a poll , and last i saw , it was 55 % hand it back . ONLY 55 % . The world is going down the crapper and right here is your reason why . SMH . And while we are talking about sucking . I just called ( one of ) my banks , BankWest . I have a loan with them . I set up my loan to come out on my payday . It was fine until about 2 months ago . Then it started coming out randomly and overdrawing my account . So i called them . Lets just say , after working in a call centre and having customer service , i was not impressed . When a customer has to make a suggestion , because the Rep is telling me to go to my actual bank - who can 't help me anyway - to fix the problem , even though it was fine til 2 months ago , that ain 't great . Then when i make the suggestion , and the Rep is a right C * word , ain 't good either . If you happen to be in Australia and read this , go with someone else . If you are already with them , change . Fast . Day Ten : One confession . Some days i wish my whole life was different . That i had different parents , or the same ones that stayed together . That i had different siblings , or the same ones with different parents . That i had a different upbringing . That i went to a different school . That i had different opportunities . That i had a different job . That I had a different husband . Or no husband . That i didn 't have to grow up . That i could still be young and not an old 25 . That i had different experiences . That my whole life was different . And then i think . I like me . And its ok . Day Eight : Three turn ons . 1 . Manners - I 'm just an old fashion gal , and i like manners . 2 . Entertainment / Laughter - I get bored SUPER easy , so if you keep me entertained AND make me laugh . BING BING BING , we have a winner ! 3 . Massages - Who doesn 't love them ? I know that these were probably supposed to be " other " type of turn ons , but im a private lady . : ) Day Seven : Four turn offs . 1 . Stupidity - not only that , but non willingness to learn2 . Non Family love - if you have no love for your family , then i got no love for you3 . DisRESPECT - but doesn 't everyone just want a little . . . ? 4 . Rudeness - If you have no manners , you have no me . : ) Day Six : Five people who mean a lot ( in no order whatsoever ) 1 . The husband2 . The family - ( I have 2 sisters , a brother , a mother , a father and a stepmother - more then 5 right there ; ) ) 3 . The husbands family ( even more then mine ) 4 . Danielle and her 3 kidlets5 . Balamino - An amazing girl who also has a blog Day Five : Six things you wish you 'd never done . 1 . I wish i had paid off my loan when i had the $ $ and not splurged on crap . 2 . I wish i had never gotten anything using credit cards . 3 . I wish i hadn 't rebounded when i was young . 4 . I wish i hadn 't ended things badly with an ex 's family . 5 . I wish i hadn 't given up my studies . 6 . I wish i hadn 't just let pass friends go . Before I start my Ramblings , I need to make you aware of what 's going on in good old Oz . I don 't know whether y ' all get news about what is going on here , or if you even watch the news , but it 's big . At the moment , we are having HUGE floods . HUGE . Think about it this way , at first , an area the size of Texas was flooded in Queensland . This got bigger . Still in Queensland . This is an old map I found , but its gotten worse since this was made . Peoples houses , cars , boats have been destroyed . Peoples lives have been lost . At the moment , the death toll stands at 16 . But there are many , many people missing , that were swept away , so they expect that number to rise , unfortunately . They are also saying that some bodies may never be found . My heart breaks for those people . Not much notice was given to people . In one report I read , the water rose 3m ( approximate 10 feet ) in 10 mins . Imagine that . And now , Victoria is flooding . And South Australia . And small parts of New South Wales . We might even sink soon . I hope not , cause i love it here . You can learn more here . But we do need help . You can help by donating here . Now , i know what you may be thinking . Australia isn 't a third world country . Australia wasn 't that affected by the GFC , they must be able to help themselves . The third world country bit is true . So is the GFC thing . But we do need help . Imagine your home , being flooded to the very top of its roof and having to scramble to the roof to be safe . Imagine seeing your house ripped apart from the force of the water . Imagine seeing your neighbours house float by - possibly with them still in it . Not knowing . Not knowing where your friends are . Not knowing where your family may be . Not knowing when your personal belongings are . Your photos , your memories . Not knowing where you are going to sleep tonight . Tomorrow . The next week . Month . Possibly year . And ask yourself . Would i want people to help me ? Would i help my neighbour ? Would i ask for help for my family ? And help . If you still aren 't sure , read this story . And this one . And Posted by Day Four : Seven things that cross your mind a lot . 1 . Where 's my phone ? 2 . Why do people use the stupid Check in Feature on FB ? 3 . Why is no one doing any work at work ? 4 . I wonder how much I 'm gonna get paid this week ? ~ I get paid different every week ~ 5 . I wish someone would come and clean my house . 6 . I hope my dress is appropriate for the wedding . 7 . What am i gonna eat for tea ? Seriously , these are the things that cross my mind the most . At least lately . Day Three : Eight ways to win your heart . So . . . I can 't really think of eight ways to win my heart , so instead I 'm gonna list . . . . . Eight places i want to visit . 1 . Great Wall of China - I wanna walk some of it , i don 't think i could do it all . 2 . Venice - although boats freak me out now , so i don 't know if i could enjoy it totally . 3 . Rome - Cause its totally beautiful . 4 . New Orleans - Cause its crazy . 5 . Vegas - For obvious reasons . 6 . Machu Picchu - My friend is from Peru , plus AMAZING . 7 . Angkor Wat in Cambodia - i LOVE old religious places8 . Disneyland / World - either will do , I just wanna be a little kid again . : ) Day Two : Nine things about yourself . 1 . Im a very old 252 . I NEED noise . 3 . I hate being lazy , but i like feeling lazy . 4 . I wish i could do more for others . 5 . I hate ringtones . Any and ALL . 6 . I might be a little in love with terrible reality tv . 7 . My favourite song of ALL TIME is here . 8 . I LOVE 90 % of the people i work with , and i think its super strange that people aren 't normally as close as i am with people they work with . 9 . I wish i was more brave . Day One : Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now . 1 . " You make me laugh so much , but how can you be SO Stupid ? " 2 . " I DO not know you , I may speak to you every day for work , but i have not met you IRL , so i do not know you . " 3 . " I wish you would understand . " 4 . " I don 't want to see TRON . Ever " 5 . " I wish we knew each other better " 6 . " Don 't Fret , it will work out " 7 . " I want to see your ring and your ring right now please " 8 . " I quit " 9 . " Thank you for being you - I hope you are or get to be ok " 10 " Can i have a foot massage please ? But dont touch my feet " Part 3 . So on Boxing day we have a family get together with my Dads family , at my Grandmas . For as long as i can remember , we would always go there , see my Grandma , Pop , Aunts , Uncles , and all my cousins . My grandma and Pop lived in the same house they bought my Dad , Uncles and Aunt up in , so its great . I have missed these for the last few years . Either through having to work , or being down with the Husbands family . While i didn 't really mind it , I missed my Grandma . A lot . My Pop passed away a few years ago , so my grandma has moved houses and its different now . We tried going to Aunts / Uncles houses instead of my Grandmas but it wasn 't the same , so we always came back to her house . ( Also there is a bit of infighting within the family - what family doesn 't have that ? - so if it was at this persons house , this person wasn 't going to show etc etc ) . This year , my little sister had to work , so she didn 't come , and my older sister was hanging out with my Mum , so she didn 't come either . Just Dad , Kez , my Brother and Me . Now , keep in mind , the last time i saw all the family , it was a few years ago . So , We show up and yeah . . . Throughout the day , some of my cousins showed up . One of my cousins is 19 . ( 18 is the drinking age here , keep that in mind ) . My cousin was bragging all about how she goes out and drinks all weekend . OK , i thought . . . 19 yr olds do that . . . Then she started talking about how she has plans for the future . . Her plans , you may ask ? She aspires to be one of the following : ~ Playmate of the year 2012 . ~ A Jim Beam Party Girl ~ A Jager girlNow , i know what you re thinking . Surely , she can 't be serious . Oh , but she is . My gosh . Next up , she was talking about how she couldn 't eat lunch , as then she would have to have ONE WHOLE EXTRA DRINK in order to get drunk that night . Indeed she did vocalise this to everyone who was eating . Well then . The rest of the day was great . Got to spend some great time with family i haven 't seen in ages and it was good . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Sisters Birthday . So for my sisterPosted by Part 2Christmas . My awesome dad woke me and my sister up . Early . Not on purpose . But it was early . Like before 8am . None of us are " children children " anymore . My youngest sister is 15 , brother is 17 and my older sister is 27 ( or was on the 27th of December ) . So none of us have that , wake up really early , has Santa arrived yet , excitement . Its generally about spending the day together for us - or at least for me anyway . Plus we usually have to wait for my older sister to arrive to do the presents thing together anyway , and she is ALWAYS late . This time , we didn 't wait . And it was good . Just a little background . . . My Dad and Step mum ( Kez ) have been together since i can even remember . Whenever i have a memory of my dad , i have a memory of Kez also being there . I 'm 25 . That 's how long they have been together . But they have only been engaged . Never married . Could never really afford it . ( To be honest , Kez kept saying on Christmas day how long they have actually been together , but i have forgotten ) . So , My dad is usually the one who plays " Santa " . He usually hands out the presents , but no Santa suit . This year , he said someone else to do it , My brother volunteered * . While i don 't have any pictures of the tree , we usually have presents underneath and IN the tree , Dad had bought Kez something from the jewelery store and put it IN the tree , in its original jewelery bag . So of course , my brother gave that one out first , cause we all wanted to see what was in it . : ) My dad wrote a cute hand made Christmas card saying something like , " I love you , This is the year , pick a date " ( I don 't remember exactly , but it was super sweet AND he is super known for not showing emotions ) . That set Kez off on the tears . Happy tears , of course . Then she opened the present and in it was two wedding rings . Crying . Crying . Crying . We were all happy , and it was great . Then she opened the present that me and the husband got her . This . Only with our initials . My two sisters , brothers and dads . It can be found here if you want your own , i would recommPosted by Part 1 . So i haven 't posted in a wee while , and that was mainly ' cos i had no computer , but i thought i would come back . : ) Christmas . Christmas was amazing . I don 't think that i have heard anyone say they had a bad Christmas - wait , i had one friend who got sick on Christmas , apart from that . It seems it was great for everyone . Ok . Christmas . This was the first Christmas that i have spent away from the husband , since we have been together . He left to see his family in another state the morning of Christmas eve . I had to go to work that day and then i was off to see my family . We usually do the whole , spend Christmas eve and Christmas morning / lunch with one family then on Christmas day , fly down / up to the other family and spend Christmas night and boxing day with the other family . Loads of travelling . I 'm usually back at work on the 27th , ( which is also my older sisters birthday - the 28th is our nieces too ) , so I 'm spending almost every second of my ' holidays ' travelling . Full on . But this year , we were separated . It was hard . At first . Then i got distracted by work and travelling to see my family and distracted by them , and it was OK , cause we had sms , and phone calls , and it was hard , but OK . So anyway , onto the good of Christmas . Christmas Eve . While i had bought the husband a present ( even though we both said no presents ) , and sent it down to his families as a surprise , we have raffles at work for random things . Iphones , ipads , xbox kinnects , etc etc . No one ( in my department ) ever knows who wins , so we all think its a rort , but it doesn 't stop me from buying a ticket . So Christmas eve , work was quiet and one of my guy friends at work desperately wanted to win this raffle - he spent $ 40 on tickets . I was bored and had spare cash in my wallet , so i bought 3 tickets ( $ 10 ) . I was supposed to finish work , but was bumming around , cause i was a little afraid of lugging my heavy bag chocked full of presents to the train - I do not know how Santa does it ; ) - turns out while i was bumming around , my manager was looking forPosted by There are a few things that have made me happy the past little while , and i thought that that would be a good starting point back here . Lets start with me thinking of 10 things , and if i end up with more , hurrah ! 1 . Christmas . Was amazing . Will post about it later . 2 . One of my credit cards is paid off - well , some of it was transferred to another card , ( at a cheaper interest rate ) but same same . 3 to go ! 3 . I 'm mostly loving work at the moment . Plus . . . . 4 . I applied for a new job , and while it was scary to apply and now wait , its a good thing and it makes me happy . 5 . The husband got me a new computer for Christmas , and i just spend some hours catching up on blogs . Happy . 6 . I have my sister in laws wedding next week , and while i have a dress and shoes , i gotta get a whole bunch more stuff but I 'm not stressed about it . 7 . Started to watch HIMYM season something ( i can 't remember which ) and its all episodes i haven 't seen yet . 8 . Now , don 't judge me here . . . . . but Jersey Shore . I have Foxtel , ( cable i guess ) and recently discovered MTV was added to my package , and i watched Jersey Shore for the first time . So terrible i couldn 't turn it off . 9 . The Husband arranging and booking our next holiday . Bali . Yes , i may seem like a Bogan Orstrayan , but I 'm not . 10 . WEDDINGS . I have a bunch either this year , or in the coming years . And I 'm super excited . 11 . Out of the blue compliments . I don 't usually like compliments , but it did make me feel good . 12 . Clean Laundry . Esp fresh from the dryer . 13 . Not loving the heat right now , but the storm we just had , and the thunder rumblings . Beautiful . 14 . Sleeping through ( almost ) New Years . Had no plans , fell asleep on the couch , woke with 5 mins for the fireworks ( which are actually just down the street from our house - but we be lazy ) , and hearing them outside and seeing them on the TV , and then going to bed right away . 15 . The husband cooking me dinner . It took him awhile to get it started , but it will be delicious to eat . 16 . Happy friends . I haven 't ( that i remember ) have any gePosted by
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I want to go ahead and post a * * SPOILER ALERT * * * for this blog . If you haven 't read Harry Potter or The Hunger Games , I will potentially spoil some deaths for you . So you 've been warned . I read The Hunger Games trilogy last week . I want to start off by saying I loved this series . I couldn 't put these books down and even after I did , the story stayed with me - for days afterward . That 's some good reading , folks . When you read books like The Hunger Games , you know people are going to die . It 's just the way it 's going to be . The same is true with The Harry Potter series , especially the last book when every fan knew there was a huge possibility that one of their favorite characters may not make it to the very last page . And as expected , tons of deaths occurred . Each was hard to take , but you power through , knowing this has to happen to get to the end . Then there 's that one death . That . One . Death . And an invisible line has been crossed , and you 're no longer sad , you 're devastated . In Harry Potter that was Fred dying . I saw no reason why Fred had to die . Why Fred ? Why ? Out of the characters left alive , why did it have to be the one that had a twin ? I know why I feel like this . I have twins . They are each others world and the idea of one of them losing the other so young makes me feel like I can 't breath . So it 's really no surprise that I had such a strong reaction to his death . Well , I had the same reaction last week during The Hunger Games . This death bothered me . Like really sent me into some sort of weird depression after it happened bothered me . Again it was a death I didn 't feel was needed to get the author 's point across . The point was already made . So why did we need this extra yank on our heartstrings ? So my questions are : When does a death in a book become gratuitous ? And have you ever felt an author went a little too far with one ? Esmewww . esmereldabishop . com 13 . No A . C . , no heat , no electricity - learn to adapt to a " natural " lifestyle . You 'll have to get used to the heat , stay near a fire - learn to light it with a flint , etc … Briana is lost and alone when magic lights up the night . She meets the man of her dreams , a man who rocks her to her very core with orgasm after orgasm and somehow manages to steal her heart . The problem ? The man of her dreams lives eight hundred years in the past . Eliza Knight is the multi - published , award - winning author of sizzling historical romance and erotic romance . While not reading , writing or researching for her latest book , she chases after her three children . In her spare time ( if there is such a thing … ) she likes daydreaming , wine - tasting , traveling , hiking , staring at the stars , watching movies , shopping and visiting with family and friends . She lives atop a small mountain , and enjoys cold winter nights when she can curl up in front of a roaring fire with her own knight in shining armor . Visit Eliza at www . elizaknight . com or her historical blog , History Undressed , which was recently mentioned in a feature article in The Wall Street Journal . www . historyundressed . com Thanks so much for being our guest today , Eliza ! Everyone , please remember to leave a comment and your email address in some form to be entered to win Eliza 's book . Thanks ! Nicole North writes hot erotic romance for Red Sage , Carina Press / Harlequin and Ellora 's Cave . Books include : DEVIL IN A KILT in SECRETS VOLUME 27 UNTAMED PLEASURES , KILTED LOVER , BEAST IN A KILT ( the second in the kilted shapeshifter series ) SECRETS VOLUME 29 INDULGE YOUR FANTASIES anthology . SCOUNDREL IN A KILT in SECRETS VOLUME 30 DESIRES UNLEASHED anthology , LAIRD OF DARKNESS , STORM OF PASSION , and BLADE OF THE WOLF . To learn more please visit www . nicolenorth . com Release week for Birthday Girl was fun and totally crazy . Promo is hard for me to do . I 'd rather sit in my office and write than put myself out there saying " buy my book , you 'll love it " even though you will love , I 'm sure of it ! I hopped around some blogs , had a virtual release party , some interviews and a couple great reviews ! Stacey from Sizzling Hot Books said in part : I really thought that Birthday Girl was a well thought out , highly erotic story that showed one of many ways to put the spice back into life and that age is not a factor . I highly recommend Birthday Girl is you are looking for a romantic book with a bit of kink and a sexy ménage with no m / m . You can read the whole review here . And Kimber from Guilty Pleasures Book Reviews said : " . . . the author has this married woman thinking of new possibilities . Natasha Moore was a new to me author and I 'm looking forward to reading more of her sizzling stories . This story was VERY hot and VERY entertaining . . . " You can read the entire review here . All in all , a pretty good week . How was your week ? Natashawww . natashamoore . com Do you ever read someone 's book or hear about some new product and think , " I wish I 'd thought of that ! " ? It happens to me all the time . I am particularly disappointed that I didn 't think of the Internet before anyone else , or fishnet stockings . What would my life be like now if I 'd hatched a brainchild like that instead of having the brain farts I normally produce ? It boggles the mind . Speaking of which , the person who invented the word game Boggle and Scrabble - - what a genius ! My family and I used to have hours of fun playing with words with these games . Lots of love and laughter and learning from such a simple little thing . Camryn Rhys grew up on the border of Canada and the US , and still hasn 't decided which country to call home . She splits her time between the Alberta and Montana Rocky Mountains , with friends and family in both beautiful locations . After running her own restaurant for several years and acquiring advanced degrees in writing , foodie romance seemed the only logical option . When she 's not watching the Food Network , she 's reading a romance novel , or if absolutely necessary , working as a consultant . Someone has to put really excellent food on the table . Q : Welcome , Camryn ! Please tell us about your latest release . A : Every Time I Think of You is the story of a woman with a fantasy . When she finally gets to be with Mr . Right , it 's not all she imagined . But little does she know , he 's in the middle of 100 Days of Celibacy , and he might just break that promise for her . Q : Sounds fantastic ! What inspired this story ? A : I went to a basketball game at Madison Square Garden and thought about this character who was a radio host and had a thing for Amare Stoudamire . Voila ! Madison Bishop . Q : What is the story behind the story ? A : Behind the story , Drew Wingate has signed on to do a 100 Days of Celibacy challenge for a major men 's magazine . He 's just about through his time - served when he meets Madison again , but he can 't break his celibacy vow . Q : I like the idea of a celibacy vow . . . and breaking it . : ) Why do you write romance ? A : I love love - stories . There is nothing better than the narrative of two people falling in love . When I read my first one , as a young girl , I knew this would be my genre forever . Q : I couldn 't agree more . How did your story 's setting impact your plot or characters ? A : Madison Square Garden is a colossal piece of sports history . Any sports fan would be excited about a love story that started there . Or they should be . : ) Q : Absolutely ! How do you choose names for your characters ? A : I chose the heroine 's name because of Madison Square Garden . Her father is a Knicks fan from way , way back . From his childhood . So having Maddie fall in love in her namesake was definitely cool to write . Q : I love that connection . Did you choose the title of your book and if so how did you do it ? A : I did choose the title . Oddly enough , I think I was listening to a song at the time and the opening scene was just so right in line with the lyrics of that song . I wish I could remember which song it was now , but I just remember thinking I should thank Pandora © for the inspiration of that title . : ) Q : I also find music very inspiring . Which element of this story was the hBy Nicole North writes hot erotic romance for Red Sage , Carina Press / Harlequin and Ellora 's Cave . Books include : DEVIL IN A KILT in SECRETS VOLUME 27 UNTAMED PLEASURES , KILTED LOVER , BEAST IN A KILT ( the second in the kilted shapeshifter series ) SECRETS VOLUME 29 INDULGE YOUR FANTASIES anthology . SCOUNDREL IN A KILT in SECRETS VOLUME 30 DESIRES UNLEASHED anthology , LAIRD OF DARKNESS , STORM OF PASSION , and BLADE OF THE WOLF . To learn more please visit www . nicolenorth . com Book # 3 in my Paolo 's Playhouse series from Samhain releases tomorrow ! Even after 18 releases , the excitement never grows old . I 've really enjoyed writing about loving couples for this series , and Birthday Girl is another story with a married couple who visit the Playhouse for a little help . Blurb : For Shannon , turning thirty means getting serious . Responsible . Old . She can 't help dreading the day she has to leave her spontaneous , crazy , young self - image behind . Then there are all those unfulfilled items on her to - do list , like that threesome she and her husband , Ty , used to fantasize about . It fell by the wayside , right along with their neglected bag of sex toys . Her birthday dinner starts out like any other … then her present arrives at the table . Marc , an old college friend , whose edgy persona tickles her in all the right places . And that 's not all . Ty 's reserved a room at Paolo 's Playhouse - for all three of them . By the time the playroom door closes behind them , Ty and Marc 's intimate touches and wicked whispers have roused her hormones to a fever pitch . But when kiss comes to nipple clamps , Shannon 's not sure she has the courage to step off the edge of fantasy and fall headlong into reality . . . Here 's a little excerpt for you : Why did seeing Marc again make her hot and tense ? Was that what happened when you turned thirty ? You started to lust after men other than the one you loved ? Of course , it could have a lot to do with the fact that she 'd had a massive crush on Marc before he introduced her to Tyler . Ty didn 't have a clue . God , she hoped Marc didn 't either . There was something in the air , a tension that came with Marc appearing out of nowhere . A tension that seemed to add to the edginess she 'd already been feeling . Maybe it was her intense awareness of the additional man standing there . Just how aware she was made her a little uncomfortable . Tyler was still so close to her that she could feel the familiar heat from his body . But Marc exuded a raw sexuality that made her shiver . She couldn ' tBy The red - light district is located in one of the oldest parts of Amsterdam , with historic architecture , winding alleys , and dark canals . You know you 've arrived when you start to see the red lit windows which stand out easily against the old , dark buildings . The main thoroughfares have some red windows , but most are located in narrow alleys , lined up one after the other , like rows of teeth . Each window opens into a small room with a bed and a washstand visible . The window is full - length and spans the width of the room . The young woman stands in the window , clearly visible due to the red lights in the room . The woman are more covered up than what you will see on many a public beach . The outfits are more like two - piece bathing suits than sexy lingerie ( although there are exceptions ) . There is no actual nudity . A heavy curtain stands at the side , to be drawn over the window when the room is in use . I had my kids with me , all teens , and after five minutes , we 'd seen enough . On our way out , we saw a particularly long , narrow alley , jammed with people , and lined on both sides by the windowed rooms . The cobblestoned alley was only wide enough for one person to walk between the old buildings . My oldest , game for anything , wanted to walk down the bustling alley . My youngest flat - out refused to go and I was in sympathy with her . It was creepy . Generally , we didn 't look at the women . Here , it would be hard to escape viewing them ( hence , the popularity of this alley ? ) The girls we saw looked like they were from Eastern Europe . Do they do this to escape worse circumstances ? Or , as reported in the research I did , are they lured into the business by boyfriends ? One last note : Our vacation guidebook had mentioned that there were " Pimp - free " signs in some windows certifying that the woman was working for herself and not for a pimp . I was interested to see one of these signs . Alas , I never did . Not one . Was it a short - lived experiment ? Is it possible for a female sex worker to operate without the protection of a man ? I don 't know the answers . Want to know a secret ? I 'm a die - hard romantic . Okay , so that 's not much of a secret . lol I mean , I write in the romance genre so people naturally assume I 'm all into weddings and such , and they 're right . However , I think they 'd be surprised to know the reasons why . Many girls dream of their wedding day , planning and calculating and hoping and waiting . I did , too . But there was a difference . By the time I was old enough to actually get married , my fantasies mainly focused on the dress and flowers , with the flowers a very distant second . Oh , the groom was there , sort of a foggy , sexy , and heroic figure in the background , but to be quite honest , he really didn 't show up until the honeymoon . Heh heh heh . So I finally realized that I 'd been looking forward to finding the perfect dress , not the perfect mate . That 's not a bad thing , actually . It made me more aware of why I wanted to get married and made me question what I wanted to get out of the whole endeavor ( and it made me realize I have a dress fetish , but that 's neither here nor there ) . I decided I could get a dress any day if I wanted and take pictures of myself emoting like a model all over the place , but the groom . . . well , I wasn 't looking for a stunt double for my dress anymore . I was looking for something more substantial . I had come to understand that weddings are nice ceremonies , but it 's the people involved that you should really get excited about , not all the trappings . This is why this one reality TV show , Say Yes to the Dress ( I think that 's the name ) , annoys me to no end . In it , TV crews follow prospective brides as they search for the perfect wedding dress . Simple , right ? Nope . There 's nothing simple about salespeople using the guise of caring about your " perfect day " to sell you the most expensive dress in the shop . Nothing really very nice about it either . Almost every time my channel - surfing landed me on an episode of this show , the same scene unfolds . The bride and her entourage enter the bridal salon and are greeted by an enthusiastic salesperson , who chats with the bride about what she 's looking for and asks her about her price range . The salesperson then carefully selects about a dozen gowns for the bride to try on while her girlfriends , sisters , mother , etc . , squeal in delight and clap . Here 's the catch : Nearly every single time , the bride tries on the gowns that look okay on her , but then she tries on the special one that the salesperson chose especially for her , the one that makes her look younger , thinner , more beautiful than she actually is , and one that also does laundry , doubles as a vibrator , and volunteers in a soup kitchen once a month . Yes , this is THE perfect dress that the bride has been fantasizing about since she was conceived . Unfortunately , it 's the one that is just an eensy bit out of her price range by at least a thousand dollars . The salesperson knew this but included it anyway because she just knew that it would be nearly impossible for the bride to take it off without going into hysterics . Teary - eyed , the bride stares at herself in the mirror , bottom lip trembling , until someone offers to sell a kidney to make up the difference in the price of the dress . Ms . Bride is sooooo happy ! Now her day will be perfect , except her mom will miss it because she 's recovering from having her kidney removed so You - Know - Who could have the dress of her dreams . Seriously , it 's aggravating to see a seasoned salesperson knowingly bring out five or six mediocre dresses that fall within the bride 's budget and then throw in a dress she knows the bride will just have to have that 's 1 - 5K more . It 's a trick of the trade to get brides to spend more money , and it 's unpleasant to watch . I 'd like to just once see a bride call the salesperson on it , saying something like , " That dress is too expensive . Bring me one just like it in my price range . You don 't have one ? See ya . " I know I 'm being critical , but I realized a long time ago what is really important in a wedding - - that person standing beside you ( no , not your maid of honor . . . on the other side ) . If you want a wedding dress , save up and go buy one . Wear it on Halloween . Wear it to a frenemy 's wedding to tick her off . But don 't substitute a costly gown for the thrill of having your healthy mother , both kidneys intact , watching you pledge your love to someone who would never try to sell you dress out of your price range . I 've been in synopsis hell the last three days . I 'm not a synopsis lover to begin with , but this one has been exceptionally hard . Why ? Two words . Paranormal world - building . Man . I 've quickly realized that the world I 've written makes absolutely no sense in synopsis form . I include one thing , then it 's like if I include that , then I really need to include this because that makes no sense without that . It 's maddening , I tell you . Maddening . I gave up today and just posted what I had to my CP 's . I feel bad for them . It 's a mess of nonsense and I know it , but I can 't find the forest for the trees right now and without their help , I don 't think I 'll be able to . I feel like I have to put in every detail . When you have a shifter with a special gift that directly causes the inner and outer conflict for both your characters , how in the heck do you get that across without having to take a moment to explain , well the world isn 't built so she has the same gift , yeah she 's part shifter , but you see in my world … blah , blah , blah . * Pulls hair * So any advice ? Esme By For Valentine 's Day , I want to share some of my favorite romantic sentiments and love quotes . Also below I 'm posting some of the most romantic images of Scotland . Please let me know which is your favorite . The USA Today bestselling author of award - winning Scottish historical romance . Her favorite pastime is exploring Scotland , and taking photos along the way . She also enjoys creating hot , Highland heroes and spirited lasses to drive them mad . She lives in the mountains of North Carolina where she is crafting another Scottish story . Please visit her website at www . vondasinclair . com My Fierce Highlander in Print ! I began reading this book late one evening , and I couldn 't put it down . I quickly became absorbed in the story and every time I told myself I would put it down at the next chapter , I kept reading . Gwyneth is a widow and a disgraced English Lady . After her disgrace , she was sent to live with distant relatives in Scotland , who treated her like a commodity . [ She ] hates violence , especially the Highlanders who do nothing but fight . However , when she finds Alasdair and sees that he truly wants peace , the only thing she can do is help the wounded highlander heal . When her relatives find she helped the enemy , she has to run for her life with her son and hope that the wounded Highlander will help her . Alasdair is the Laird of his clan , and grateful for the help Gwyneth gave him . He agrees to help her , but keeping her with him is a difficult task , especially when her clan is willing to kill to get her back . Gwyneth is an intriguing character . She is a Lady who has adapted very well to her life 's circumstances . She went from being a well - educated English Lady to a poor relation of a dirty , mean Scottish Clan Laird . She handles the situation well , she makes due , raises her son the best she can , and she learns how to be a healer . The main issue I have with Gwyneth is that she is pretty over - protective of her son . She hates the violence so much and wants to be away from it so badly that she can overlook some of the more important aspects of life , such as a good man who loves her son . I love Alasdair , he is a laird who puts his clan first and he is very honorable . Alasdair struggles with his attraction to Gwyneth because he loved his first wife ( who died ) so much . He has to let go of the past and risk himself when it comes to Gwyneth . I admire him for his dedication and his loyalty . He challenges Gwyneth to be the woman he knows she can be , the Lady . As I said , I couldn 't put this book down . The pacing is excellent , there is never a dull moment and there are so many different elements to this story . Gwyneth has a past from England and from her clan that clash with her current situation . There is always something happening , going wrong , and the attraction between Alasdair and Gwyneth progresses through it all . My Fierce Highlander is a thrilling adventure and love story enmeshed in the times of warring Highland clans and stuffy English Lords . Historical romance readers , I highly recommend reading My Fierce Highlander , this is a highlander story worth reading . Heather at Book Savvy Babe The USA Today bestselling author of award - winning Scottish historical romance . Her favorite pastime is exploring Scotland , and taking photos along the way . She also enjoys creating hot , Highland heroes and spirited lasses to drive them mad . She lives in the mountains of North Carolina where she is crafting another Scottish story . Please visit her website at www . vondasinclair . com Vote for the SAMMIES ! Curtains up ! Light the Lights ! The SAMMIES are coming , all right ! It 's time to vote for your Samhain Publishing favorites for 2011 . The SAMMIE Awards ceremony will be held on Saturday , March 24 , 2012 , starting at 2 p . m . EST in the Samhain Publishing Cafe . ( http : / / groups . yahoo . com / group / samhaincafe / ) The categories that require your vote are : Reader 's Choice Best Cover Art eBooks 2011Reader 's Choice Best Cover Art Print Books 2011Reader 's Choice Best eBook 2011Reader 's Choice Best Print Book 2012Please go to http : / / www . surveymonkey . com / s / BQG585R to cast your vote . Voters are permitted three choices per category . Voting runs through March , 19 , 2012 . The survey allows each participant to vote once . The blue links for each book / cover are hot and will take you to Samhain Publishing site so you can look at the cover or read the blurb for each book listed . Cast your choice for 1st , 2nd , and 3rd place in each category . Then scroll to the NEXT button at the bottom of the page , this will take you to the next category . Repeat until you get to the last category . When you have voted for your choices , be sure to click on the DONE button at the bottom of the last page so your vote will count . Remember , each reader gets to vote once for the poll . We 're asking everyone to participate by casting your vote . After all , these are the Reader 's Choice categories ! Your opinion counts ! Show your love ! We 'd love to hear from all our readers . Everyone , mark your calendars , shop for your dazzling Red Carpet outfit and get ready to celebrate our SAMMIE winners ! We can hardly wait to announce the winners . Party ! Party ! Par - tay ! Both Flaunt It and Risk It are up to best e - book and best e - book cover . But . . . wow . . . what competition . I hope all our Fierce Romance readers will cast their votes for your favorite Samhain stories and covers . NatashaBirthday Girl - Coming Feb 21Risk ItFlaunt Itwww . natashamoore . com I wanted to give my critique partners a shout - out today . I just finished my latest book . Like - - finished , finished . All I have to do now is a bit of editing , a blurb and synopsis , and I 'm ready for it to leave my loving embrace and face the cruel world , lol . Anyway , my CP 's have always been invaluable . We 've been together for years , they know my writing , they know my voice , and have no issue taking me to task when I 've screwed up a plot . It was no different with this book . BUT I can honestly say this book wouldn 't have ever been written if it hadn 't been for my CP 's . You see , I originally started this series I 'm working on with a different character . In my head , everything made sense . It wasn 't until I posted the first two chapters of that book , I realized that it only made sense to me . I had them so freaking confused . Questions bombarding me from every directions . I don 't get its . The whole nine yards . After some head scratching , because I really couldn 't grasp how they didn 't get it , I accepted their words of wisdom and almost shelved the series all together . But one night , not long after I 'd gotten my feedback , I started thinking about how I could make it so everyone understood . A part of me really , really didn 't want to give up on this series . Then it hit me . I 'd been so excited over one characters story , that I 'd totally overlooked the fact that he wasn 't supposed to be the first book . Aidan was . Aidan was how I would be able to answer every one of the questions they 'd tossed at me . I 've spent the last five months writing this book . What was supposed to be a novella length , quickly became a novel length . The world just took a life of its own in a way in never did with the 25k I 'd written in the original story . If my CP 's had kept their reservations to themselves , I would have continued on the path I 'd originally taken and potentially destroyed this series . Now I 'm sitting on something I 'm extremely proud of and I 'm looking forward to diving into the next character By tub When I wrote Blade of the Wolf , I played up this guardian and protector role . Ronan Graeme is an immortal werewolf and a Sgian Dubh Guardian . He is a man unlike any the heroine , Syrena , has met . She doesn 't know what to make of him at first . She knows instantly that she 's attracted to him but it takes her a while to trust him . She doesn 't learn what he truly is until after she 's intimate with him . Even when he tells her he 's a Sgian Dubh Guardian , she doesn 't know much about him . He leaves out the part about being immortal and a wolf - shifter . But soon , he can 't hide the truth from her anymore . What can she do ? He 's the most fascinating man she 's ever met . What about you ? Do you love hero types who were antagonists and bad guys or monsters in the past ? Do you enjoy reading heroes who are demons , vampires and werewolves ? His expression turned serious . " After what happened two nights ago , I 'm concerned . I think you have a stalker . " " A stalker ? " She held back an impulsive laugh . " Me ? Please , " she said doubtfully . " Indeed , lass . This is most serious . " His yummy accent and the endearing way he called her lass almost distracted her from the grave issue at hand . " What should I do ? Call the police ? " " Why don 't we go inside , out of this wind ? " He gestured again toward the coffee shop entry . Okay , maybe she would get lucky and he 'd seduce her in the restroom . Dream on , Syrena . She proceeded into the almost deserted establishment where she bought coffee every morning . The appetizing mixed aromas of flavored coffees swirled through her senses . They placed their orders and took seats at a back corner table . " I 'm buying , " she said . " After all , I owe you one for the other night when you fought that man following me . " " Nay . I insist . " Nay . How charmingly Old World he was . He fixed his molten gold gaze on her and consuming heat rushed over her skin . Breathe , Syrena , breathe . His appeal was complete . He was both edgy and elegant . Rough and cultured . Far out of her league . How would his deep voice sound whispering wicked , sexy words in her ear late at night ? Intoxicating . A frisson of delight skittered through her . But she couldn 't jump his bones right now . She needed to get to know him better first . " What kind of work do you do ? " she asked , wondering what would require him to be so deliciously athletic . " Security , which is why the man following you concerned me a great deal . " " Security ? Like a bodyguard ? " " More or less . I work with a large firm and I 'm scouting out the area to see if we might expand here . " " A Scottish security firm ? " " International . We protect people all over the world . " Should she believe him , or trust him ? " What did the guy following me that night look like ? " she asked . " Short , beastly looking bloke with black hair and a beard . " " Beastly ? " RonanBlade of the Wolf is available at Ellora 's Cave , Amazon , B & N and other online ebook retailers . Thanks ! Nicolewww . nicolenorth . com Nicole North writes hot erotic romance for Red Sage , Carina Press / Harlequin and Ellora 's Cave . Books include : DEVIL IN A KILT in SECRETS VOLUME 27 UNTAMED PLEASURES , KILTED LOVER , BEAST IN A KILT ( the second in the kilted shapeshifter series ) SECRETS VOLUME 29 INDULGE YOUR FANTASIES anthology . SCOUNDREL IN A KILT in SECRETS VOLUME 30 DESIRES UNLEASHED anthology , LAIRD OF DARKNESS , STORM OF PASSION , and BLADE OF THE WOLF . To learn more please visit www . nicolenorth . com My readers tell me that they want to read more menage a trois stories . Birthday Girl , my upcoming release from Samhain is a menage story . Maybe not in the traditional sense . . . Wait , is there a tradition for menage ? In Birthday Girl , the chance for a threesome is the birthday gift Shannon 's husband gives to her . For Shannon , turning thirty means getting serious . Responsible . Old . She can 't help dreading the day she has to leave her spontaneous , crazy , young self - image behind . Then there are all those unfulfilled items on her to - do list , like that threesome she and her husband , Ty , used to fantasize about . It fell by the wayside , right along with their neglected bag of sex toys . Her birthday dinner starts out like any other … then her present arrives at the table . Marc , an old college friend , whose edgy persona tickles her in all the right places . And that 's not all . Ty 's reserved a room at Paolo 's Playhouse - for all three of them . By the time the playroom door closes behind them , Ty 's and Marc 's intimate touches and wicked whispers have roused her hormones to a fever pitch . But when kiss comes to nipple clamps , Shannon 's not sure she has the courage to step off the edge of fantasy and fall headlong into reality … I can tell you why I like to read and write menage , but then I 'd really like to hear from readers . Because when I write future stories , I 'd love to touch on , as much as I can , the things my readers want to experience when they pick up a menage story . One things I love about menage is the sense of the forbidden . Yeah , I guess I was one of those good girls who always wished I dared to be bad . Sex with two men at one time , yeah , pretty high up on the forbidden scale . Then there 's the chance to experience ( at least vicariously ) two men focused on their woman 's needs . As Tyler says to Shannon , " You 've said more than once that you wished I had more than one mouth . How wonderful it would be if you could have a mouth on your breasts and another between your legs at the same time . Remember ? " Who cBy In romance novels , hook - ups often lead to happily - ever - afters . In real life ? Not so much . How successful is the hook - up if what you want is a relationship ? Cosmo Magazine ( Oct . 2010 ) says less than 5 % of hookups end in relationships . Okay , less than 5 % . That 's a scary number . Yes , it means some hook - ups end in relationships and you may have heard of one . But do you really want to play those odds ? Would you do anything else with such a small chance of being successful ? People do . They buy lottery tickets , when their chances of winning the big prize are much less than 5 % . But would you take a roller - coaster ride when your chances of getting off alive were less than 5 % ? Of course not . And I say the hook - up game is closer to the roller coaster ride than the lottery win . Why ? You have a fun ride . Where 's the harm ? The problem is that it was just a ride . It leads to nothing more . If you win the lottery , it will change your life . If you finish a roller coast ride , it 's done . It doesn 't change your life . It 's the same way after a hook - up . It 's over . It 's done . Sayonara . A woman who is easy to get is a woman who 's easy to leave . Men worry that if he got her so easily , other men will too . So the woman is not a challenge . She has devalued herself in the " finding a mate " game . She slides closer to being the one who 's available to everyone , and therefore of little value to anyone . If you 're going out on the town looking ( even if you don 't admit it ) to find a relationship which will affect the rest of your life , don 't indulge in a hook - up . Instead , play the odds on such an important part of your life well .
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So I must admit that this last two weeks have been less than stellar for me as far as eating and working out goes . My in - laws were in town and what to people do when they have people visiting ? They eat out . A LOT . They also don 't find time or motivation to keep up with their workout routines . Maybe this is just me . * sigh * When I have inactive times like this , it is so hard for me to get motivated to get back into the swing of things . I still did my running club , but my muscle building activities and yoga poses were tucked away in some dark place . In order to kick start it , I redid the Fitness Test that I got from www . bodyrock . tv to see just how far the last month has taken me and I must say , I was delightfully surprised by the results . Even though I hadn 't worked out all that well the last couple of weeks , the work that I did put in before that really helped . I can 't imagine what my results would have been had I not taken the time off . I have an app on my phone called Interval Timer ( free ) . It allows me to set it for an alarm to go off after 50 seconds and then again after 10 seconds and I can have it repeat this as many times as you wish . You can just look at a clock or watch with a second hand but it makes it more difficult because you 're constantly watching the clock . First up is squats . Do these with no weight for the Fit Test . Make sure you are keeping your back straight . Even though you are doing it for time , it is important to keep proper form . That means no bent back , no knees over your toes . If you need the extra help , you could sit down on the end of a chair and get back up using only your legs . Then it comes to tricep dips . I put my hands on the edge of the couch seat and have my legs out in front with feet on the floor and then lower yourself so that your elbows make a 90 degree angle . The closer your feet are to your butt , the easier it will be . To make it harder , go straight - legged . Last is crunches . These are your normal , knees bent with feet on the floor , hands cradling your hear crunches . Make sure to have proper form on these as well . Your set will look like this : squats , push ups , tri dips , crunches , squats , push ups , tri dips , crunches , squats , push ups , tri dips , crunches . Rest 10 seconds between each exercise . The whole Fit Test should take 12 minutes . Have fun ! My first recipe come from an older cookbook that I bought used on Amazon for a couple of bucks . It kind of became my lifeline early in my marriage when I didn 't have very much cooking experience . I 'm sure there will be many more recipes to come from it . If you are interested , it is the " Quick & Healthy Recipes and Ideas " by Brenda Ponichtera . * * * NOTE : I have found the consistency with turkey to be a little hard to keep in patty form so we make up several ahead of time and freeze them . Then we just pop them onto the grill . We have even halved the oatmeal with black beans for more of a nutritional punch and that was good ! If you read my earlier posts , you know that last Sunday I spent a couple of hours , chopping , dicing , cooking , boiling , baking , and steaming to get ready for the week of meals . I have to say that all of that efforts were well worth it ! Throwing our meals together was so easy and took maybe 15 - 20 minutes each night . It was also nice to have healthy options on hand for during the day , too , such as hard boiled eggs , quinoa , brown rice , and black beans . It helped me get creative with my meals as well . Bottom line : I would highly suggest getting all the prep work done for a week of meals on a day that you have the opportunity to do so . It saved us a tremendous amount of time . I 've stated several times that I write this blog as motivation for myself as much as for anyone else . I also reiterate that I 'm a normal , mistake - makin ' human . I 've been doing fairly decent on the nutritional aspect of getting as fit as I can become post - baby . However , yesterday had a little pit fall . I went to help a friend with her son that had just had surgery and asked her if she needed me to bring anything . She asked if I cold bring her a chicken sandwich from Wendy 's . " I 've got this , " I thought over and over in my head as I reminisced of the juiciness of their Junior Bacon Cheeseburger , a favorite of mine and probably the only food I really craved towards the end of my pregnancy which really was only five months ago . I thought about the veggies I had packed away in my bag for a snack and I thought about the hard , six mile run I had the night before . I didn 't want to jeopardize that . I ordered the chicken sandwich and when the man asked me if that was all , " and two Junior Bacon Cheeseburgers " just flew out of my mouth ! I think I actually covered my mouth in shock as I said it and when he asked if that was everything , I contemplated telling him to forget the cheeseburgers but it was like a scene from Liar , Liar when all Jim Carey 's character was trying to say what color the pen was . It was like the foodaholic inside me reared up with a vengeance and had a firm grasp on my vocal chords ! Not only had I got one JBC , but TWO ! As I left the drive - thru , I felt guilty . Like , really guilty . Then I got to thinking , " Why do I feel so guilty about this ? " As women , we are flooded with images daily of what beautiful women should look like . Even on Pinterest when I see a blog about fitness and nutrition , it 's about how the person eats the same meals over and over and they seem so plain . Oatmeal , grilled chicken breast and salad , fish and veggies . That is so boring to me and I don 't think it is realistic for everyone to eat that way . The problem is , we see that and their body and get discouraged because we think we have to give up everything to look that good . How sad is that ? ! To the people who can scoff at dessert 365 days of the year and be fine eating plain veggies when invited over to your boss ' house for dinner , good for you . The rest of you , you are the majority . You are not the only person who feels like you fail in this aspect . I think that women have a love - hate relationship with food because we love how it tastes but we hate how it makes us look or feel after eating . It 's about retraining your body to crave the right kind of foods . I 've learned a lot in the past few months about eating for fuel and not for satisfaction . My taste buds have adapted to my bag of veggies I eat every day to where I 'm not forcing them down anymore . Things that have a lot of sugar in them taste too sweet to me . At first , it was miserable getting to this transformation and so far , one splurge hasn 't made me go on any binges as they surely would have before . Life needs to be about balance , so why would eating be any different . You all know that you need to eat more veggies , whole grains , good protein but what about those days that you feel like you won 't be satisfied until you have your junk food of choice ? Go ahead and have it and then get right back to how you should be eating . Don 't feel guilty about it because that will most likely cause another downfall . I know that in the past I 've thought , " since I already screwed up my good - eating today . . . " and then I eat everything in sight . I will go to the grocery store and load up a basket of ice cream and processed cookies . Everyone should get to a point where they can have their one splurge food , accept it , and move on . While I was thinking about all of this in the drive thru waiting for my food at Wendy 's , I became at ease with the fact that I ordered the cheeseburgers . Now maybe I shouldn 't have ordered TWO , but I made a vow to myself right there that I was going to enjoy every bite of those two burgers , lick the grease off the wrapper ( I kid , I kid ) , and get on about my day without another thought towards satisfaction foods . Food is the body 's fuel . If you really think about that , you will want to put in only the best . Little splurges are not going to matter in the grand scheme of things . Today I wanted to highlight a whole grain ( er , seed ) that a lot of people still don 't know that much about . I grew up in a small town in southern Idaho where we were very much a meat and potatoes kind of family . Our food was never very creative and we very seldom branched out and tried something new . However , I was never much of a meat eater . I don 't really know why this is . I love animals and even gave up hunting with my dad because I just felt bad about killing animals . I once hit a squirrel while driving and pulled over just to mourn the loss and apologize to the squished lil ' guy . I 'm not anti - hunting or anti - meat eating . I understand that people need it for survival , for the most part . I was a vegetarian from 4th grade until my sophomore year of high school when my mom got on a kick that I " needed more protein " and had me eat a taco which in turn , made my stomach that was not used to fatty protein , VERY sick . I eventually did start eating more meat but as I 'm sure many family members will tell you , it doesn 't happen that often and I 'm very picky . Since I 've been on this eating as clean as possible kick , I 've been looking into different protein sources . Enter : quinoa . What ? A seed / pseudo grain that has protein ? Yes , please ! It 's not just any protein either . It 's QUALITY protein . Quinoa is said to be the best plant - based protein out there and that if someone who could eat only one food for survival , quinoa would be it because it is a nutritional dream with its protein among other nutrients . It doesn 't really have a flavor so it is nice to add in a lot of different dishes . I wish I had known about quinoa when I was a vegetarian . I believe that most stores carry quinoa these days . If you 've never had it before , I wouldn 't suggest going to Costco and getting the gigantic bag of it . Whole Foods definitely carries it but I 've seen it in the bulk bins at several grocery stores . I usually boil mine and then let it simmer for about 15 minutes ( obviously , follow the direction on the package ) . You can also roast quinoa to get a crunchiness . I throw some black beans and diced tomatoes with quinoa for a quick , protein - packed lunch . My husband makes a lentil , chili - type dish with quinoa in it . You can throw it in soups . It 's pretty flexible and like I said before , it doesn 't have a distinct flavor so you can get creative with this seed . I challenge you to try quinoa if you haven 't . I 'm going to add a link to an interesting website that is all about quinoa with recipes and other nutritional information . It looks like there are various types of quinoa so my goal will be to try a kind that I 've never had before in the near future . A big part of this ordeal is pre - packaged food . I get it , it 's easy . When a kid wants a snack , it 's convenient to hand them chips or fruit snacks . It is the parents ' responsibility to know what is going into your child 's mouth . When you look at labels , how many ingredients lot from my husband who is a pediatrician . I have also done a lot of nutritional research . Do I know quite a bit about this stuff ? For the most part . Do I follow everything I 've learned to a T ? No way ! One look at me and you could see that . I 'm human . BUT I 'm a human who wants to do anything I can to better my life , my One complaint I hear from people who want to lose weight or get fit but don 't is , " I don 't have the time . " You 're probably flashing back to the time ( s ) you 've said that same excuse . I know I am . I 've really gotten into running in the last few years but I don 't always have the time to go for the length of runs that will get me in a good , fat - burning zone . I 'm not a fast runner so that makes it even worse . What if I told you that you can work up a sweat , build muscles , and burn fat all in only around 12 minutes a day ? AND I 'm not even kidding ! ! ! There 's this new exercise buzz word " HIIT " . It stands for high intensity interval training . As appealing as only several minutes a day of exercise sounds , it is not for the faint of heart . If you have not discovered www . bodyrock . tv yet , YOU SHOULD ! ! ! This is a prime example of interval training and the girl that takes you through the workout has the most jaw - dropping body that it motivates you to look that good . Or at least it does me . BodyRock is a website that has FREE workout videos . They usually offer different levels of each workout and show how to do some of them with out the equipment they use . I 'm going to tell you how you can make up your own HIIT workout at home to do when you have a few minutes . Get a timer or a watch that you can set to go off at 50 seconds and then again at 10 seconds and then starts back over to going for 50 and so on . I use an app on my iPhone called Interval Timer that was free to download . When you do an exercise , do as many repetitions of it as you can in the fifty seconds and then rest for the ten seconds before moving on to the next exercise . If you absolutely can 't get anything to track your interval times , choose a repetition amount for each exercise ( Ex . 25 squats ) . Now , think of four exercises to do . I try to do one of cardio like jumping jacks , burpees , air jump rope , etc . Do another of a leg exercise like squats or lunges . Do an upper body exercise like push ups or shoulder presses . The last exercise you can choose and abdominal workout like regular crunches , bicycle crunch and so on . Once you have your four exercises picked out , you 're going to do this circuit three times . For example : That is twelve minutes of work and then you 're finished . As with any exercise , you go at your pace and level . If you can only do five squats in 50 seconds , that 's a fine start but just make sure you 're pushing yourself and not cheating because you 're really only cheating yourself . Below I will provide a list of workouts that you could use for each section . That way if you can 't think of anything to do , you can just pick one exercise from each group to do . If you don 't know what an exercise is , you can Google it or send me a message . At some point I 'd like to set up pictures or videos doing each move for those of you who are truly starting out . This is a good starter list . Again , if you don 't know what an exercise is , don 't be scared of it . Look it up and see if it 's something you would like to try . You don 't have to do the four exercise for three rounds either . The nice thing about interval training is that you can modify it to suit your needs . As I said before , this is not really for someone that 's done nothing but sat on a couch for the last few years . Start out small with a walk around the block and build up . I don 't want you to try these exercises and not be able to move the next day and decide that it 's too hard and give up . That 's what you 've always done in the past and how has that worked out for you ? Baby steps . You will be sore . Being sore is a good thing . Don 't be afraid of it . The best thing to do when you 're sore is to get up and move around . Keep working out . You 'll get past the soreness . If you 're on Pinterest , I 'm sure you 've seen the pins about becoming a " once a week wife " or " once a week mom " . The theory behind this is to do all of the prep work for the week 's meals in advance . This whole idea fascinated me , very much a non - cooker , so I decided to try it today . The first thing I did was make up a meal plan for this week with my hubby . As we made the plan , I wrote down a grocery list . Since we 're trying to eat more clean than not , we had to consider the best way to prepare our own foods while buying as little as possible of processed foods . This means that there is a LOT more prep work for dinner . If you 're like me , you probably go to the grocery store or farmer 's market and buy all these fresh fruits and veggies because you know you need to eat better . You buy whole grains like oatmeal , quinoa , brown rice , and whole wheat pasta . But for some reason at the end of the week , you have fruits and veggies that have gone bad or containers of whole grains left unopened . I 'm hoping this " once a week . . . " thing will help combat all the wasted food that , let 's face it , is not cheap ( refer to my post on organics ) . On top of the prep work for dinners , I hard boiled some eggs , cut up veggies for my once a day veggie bags , cooked some quinoa , and started my bread . It is a two day process so I 'll actually bake it tomorrow . This will help me have some healthy options on hand to grab during the day or throw a quick lunch together . I also always have pecans , pumpkin seeds , fruit , and string cheese on hand to grab as well . Now I had a very busy day today . I woke up early to go to my running club , I babysat for my friend who has a son 4 days younger than E ( that makes TWO 4 1 / 2 month olds ! ! ! ) , went grocery shopping , and ran errands . If I could have that busy of a day and still get it done , so can you ! Did I want to take the time to do all of this ? Not really , but I 'm fortunate that my husband offered to help with it and now I can spend that extra time during the week working out , reading , napping , or just relaxing ( I do this normally when baby is sleeping ) . I urge you to try this sometime and let me know what you think ! I 'll be sure and update at the end of the week . It 's that time again where athletes from all over the world put their country 's differences aside to compete in the greatest sporting event . The Olympics . Winter Olympics are exciting for me to watch for about 10 seconds , but the Summer Olympics . . . I can 't get enough ! Thank goodness for DVR or I wouldn 't be getting any sleep . I find the games to be extremely motivating in my fitness endeavors . In my first post , I mentioned that I ran from anything volleyball while in college , but then later said I played at the college level . Both are true . Initially , I didn 't want to play volleyball . I wanted to be a normal college student and " find myself " . Stupid relationships ending will do that to you . In 2005 , I was in a car accident that changed everything . I wasn 't seriously injured in the sense that I didn 't spend any time in the hospital or even go to the hospital . My injuries made themselves known the next day . As with a lot of people in minor car accidents , I had hurt neck and back pretty bad . I found my way to a chiropractor and she was shocked by the extent of the damage done . I spent months in therapy and when I would ask her about working out , she would tell me that I could walk and that I may have a hard time with anything else at that point . When I asked her about playing competitive sports , she balked and told me that I wouldn 't be able to play competitive sports anymore . If you know me personally , you know that people telling me what I can and can 't do doesn 't sit well with me . Just to prove to myself that no one can put limitations on my body that I don 't approve of , I went on to play volleyball at a small private school . Were we an amazing team with tons of wins ? No , but it was a good time for me personally because not only was I able to play volleyball in a competition - type setting , I excelled in it . I was MVP and captain of our team . I was named all - regional and was even nominated for NCCAA Athlete of the Week for my performance at a tournament in Canada . I wasn 't 100 % healthy by any means . I fought injury The Olympics have motivated me to try something new . Maybe I 'll take a swim class or join a sand volleyball team . What has it motivated you to do ? Last night I was craving chocolate and while I believe having things in moderation is okay , I don 't trust myself at the grocery store when I 'm having a food impulse . Plus , it was almost time for bed and I was in my spit - up stained pajamas . Time to get creative . I put some plain , Greek yogurt in a bowl and added a hot chocolate packet to it and stir , stir , stir ! It turned out really good , even the hubby liked it ! Now don 't go comparing it to a Snickers or Hagen Daaz Chocolate Peanut Butter ice cream ! ; ) I 'm sure you 've all heard that eating organic is the way to go . I agree that it is important to know that there were no chemicals used on your fruits and veggies . However , I do not enjoy the price that goes along with organic food . Maybe I 'm just frugal ( read : cheap ) . I 've heard a lot of people ( I 've been one of them ! ) complain about how expensive it is to eat healthy . For example , my husband and I have looked into buying one of those pre - made boxes of in season veggies and fruits at our local farmer 's market . Sounds awesome , right ? It is over $ 30 a week just for one box of food ! Maybe that is not that much and just sounds like a lot because I 'm used to paying a few dollars here and there at the grocery store , but WOW ! So according to this , you should buy most things organic . Does that mean I do it ? Not at all . Would I like to ? Of course , but until we make the big bucks , it 's just not going to happen as often as I would like . I do see a need for eating organic over non - organic because of the chemicals , but in my mind , if you are just now starting to eat better , any apple is going to be a step in the right direction . FYI , the book " Master Your Metabolism " by Jillian Michaels is a great book about how your body reacts to certain types of foods . I highly recommend it to people who want to get serious about what goes into their mouth . I 've read it a few different times and it always motivates me to be more aware of what I 'm eating . Another great book , " Eat & Run " by Scott Jurek talks about eating organic foods to enhance physical ability . Jurek is an ultra - marathoner who is also a vegan . It has some good recipes in it and is a pretty good read . Makes me want to go run 100 miles through a mountain range . . . well , almost . ; ) In the book , he mentions being on a very tight budget but eating only whole , organic foods . Here is an excerpt from his book about this . " I 'd been vegan for a year , and Seattle was a perfect place to explore and expand the food I was eating . I made smoothies , searched the farmer 's markets and my local co - op for more fruits and vegetables . Even though I bought grains , beans , and seeds in bulk and attended member appreciation night once a month at Madison Market Co - op so I could save an additional 10 percent , I was spending more than I ever had on food . And I was fairly deep in credit card debt . While many people freaked out about the year 2000 , I was secretly hoping for a Y2K crash to wipe out my debt . There are a lot of ways to live frugally . I know that better than anyone . But the fuel and medicine - - the food - - I put in my body was not the place to scrimp . My never - better vigor and well - being made the extra investment a no - brainer . " ( " Eat & Run " , Jurek , pages 108 - 109 ) If you think of food as your fuel and medicine , it makes sense to spend a little extra money on the stuff that is better for you , right ? It 's easy to eat processed foods because they 're convenient and often times cheaper . You can go to McDonald 's and eat for two for under $ 5 if you stay on the dollar menu . It 's nuts ! My challenge to you would be to look in your budget and see where you can put a little more money into the good stuff . I 'm trying the " eating clean " approach . I know that realistically this isn 't going to happen 100 % of the time . I want to be able to go out to eat with my husband without worrying about all the ingredients of food . I 'm a stay at home mom so I figured that it should be pretty easy to follow the clean eating principles . In a nutshell , clean eating is food that comes from the ground or has a mother . No processed foods . If you want to learn more about eating clean , check out " Eating Clean for Dummies . " Mix ricotta , yogurt , and pepper . Toast the bread and let it cool slightly . Spread the yogurt mixture on the toast . Place the raspberries in a single layer over mixture and smash down with a fork . Serve Mix all ingredients and roll into 1 1 / 2 inch balls . Makes three . The nice thing about these balls is that you could use really anything in them such as protein powder , raisins , chia seeds , dark chocolate chips , etc . olive oil Drizzle some olive oil in the bottom of a pot . Put in onions , carrots , and celery and cook on medium heat until onions are see - through . Add in remaining ingredients ; stir . Increase heat to high and bring to a boil . Reduce heat to low . Cover and cook on low until lentils are the desired softness ( about 35 - 40 minutes ) . Put in blender and food processor until you have your preferred consistency . Serve . ( * This makes a pretty large amount . It fed Brian and I three times . Whatever you don 't eat the first time , you can even freeze for another time . You could even make this up just to freeze to have on hand for a quick dinner . ) the gym . I was strong from weightlifting and I was fast from track , but to look at pictures from back then , you would never know it . At the times when the weight on the scale would inch up at each year 's physical , I truly believed that it was all the time I spent in the weight room since muscle weighs more than fat . It couldn 't possibly be that I could demolish a box of cereal or a whole pizza in one sitting . I just figured because I was playing sports , I needed the extra calories . Where this was true in theory , I was choosing the wrong kind of calories and in excess . I prided myself in the fact that I could out - eat my guy friends at pizza eating contests and scarf down Dairy Queen cheeseburgers , french fries , and a Pepsi before hitting the court for a volleyball game . My mom would show up to track meets with two grocery bags full of junk food which included things such as powder sugar doughnuts , Scooby Doo fruit snacks , and Nutty Bars . My pole vaulting coach used to question how I could eat that and then launch myself up in the air . Truth is , I wasn 't great at it . I made it to state two years in high school track and it was a fluke both times . Someone was sick or someone who was better than me had an off day at districts . Had I actually eaten like an athlete in training , I 'd like to think I would have been unstoppable . haha ! After high school , I felt like I needed to uphold my role as the girl who ate a lot . My athlete days were on hold as a rebellion against my dad . I had turned down a few opportunities to play volleyball because my dad really wanted me to play . Looking back I don 't understand what my reasoning was . Yeah , my dad was pretty aggressive about me and sports and " encouraged " me to practice all the time , especially pitching gym . My first year of college , I had gained not just the notorious " freshman 15 " but the freshman 20 - 25 . I saw a picture of myself in a swimsuit and couldn 't believe my eyes . I knew I needed to do something . I hated all things cardio so I did what I knew best : I joined intramural teams and lifted weights . Did I change my eating ? Kind of . I would restrict myself too much and then go on a two day binger . Yeah , that 's super healthy . I 'm almost positive that every woman has done this at some point in order to lose weight and was not sustainably successful . My cardio of a couple hours a week up playing slap - stick sports was not enough to burn any fat over the muscle I was building so I was actually GAINING weight ! Ugh ! Why do I share this long , probably utterly boring life story with you ? Because I think it 's important to be honest about this stuff . It doesn 't come easy for a majority of people . And if you are not honest , at least with yourself , about this you are going to struggle with identifying where your short comings are . So the question I want to leave you with today is , what are your nutritional downfalls ? If you say that you have none , but you are still thinking you need to lose a few pounds , then you might need to dig deeper into your diet . Take a couple of days and write down everything that goes into your mouth . I know you 've heard this before , but it really does help pin point where your diet is lagging .
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Remember a few posts ago , when I worried about the new deck disturbing an ancient Indian burial ground ? WCB has an extremely annoying toy shaped like a firefly . When you move its wings , it goes , " Ha ha HA HA ha ! " or " Woo hoo ! " or " Doing ! " The firefly is lying in a toy pile on our bedroom floor , and last night around 2 a . m . it started going " Ha ha HA HA ha ! " all by itself . Coincidence ? I think not . It 's just like the part in Poltergiest where the kid was attacked by the scary toy clown , except I was able to go back to sleep and I didn 't get sucked into the closet . The closet could use a good cleaning , though . Maybe an evil - spirit - sucking would help . It would be a good excuse to go shopping , too . " I 'll be at Eddie Bauer . All of my jeans got sucked into the Netherworld . " I 'm also losing the championship Super Scrabble game . Again , I blame the evil spirits . I do have some good news , though . Did you know there is a Dave Barry movie starring DAVE HIMSELF ? Right now it has a " Very Long Wait " in Netflix . I don 't know how long I can hold out . I might have to buy it . The fact that it went directly to DVD and probably nobody else has ever heard of it does not faze me in the least . I remain loyal to Dave . Last night I got my butt kicked in Super Scrabble when my mom made " ENCRUST " and got the 50 - point bonus for using all of her letters . We 're now tied in Super Scrabble games 1 - 1 . I know you 're all on the edge of your seats , waiting to see who will emerge victorious from the bloodbath . I will let you know . We 're building a deck on the back of our house . Actually , my dad and Jay are building the deck . My mom , WCB , and I are sitting in the air conditioning watching them through the window . Life 's tough . The other day , they rented a machine to dig a bunch of giant holes all over the yard . I hope they didn 't disturb an ancient Indian burial ground or anything . I 've seen Poltergiest . I know how it works . If corpses start popping up and haunting us , I 'll let you all know . My mom and I have been playing Super Scrabble when WCB is sleeping . Scrabble fans , have you heard of this ? It 's played just like regular Scrabble , only it has twice the letters . That 's right , you could make a word with two Z 's in it . That 's not all . It also has a bigger board with " Quadruple Word Score " spaces . Last night I made " squire " for 81 points . I 'm such a Scrabble nerd , even though my mom and I totally cheat with the dictionary when we play . Speaking of Scrabble , if you go to the official web site , there 's an online dictionary and a " Word Builder " tool that can help you cheat - - like , really bad , horrible cheating . It 's great . They are serious . And don 't call them Shirley . I got my " jug " from the Mayo Clinic in the mail yesterday . It 's not really a jug . It 's more of a rubbery , bendy , flexible container with a little screw - off top . Um . What ? Sure , it 's practical for sending through the mail , as it folds in half quite nicely . It 's not , however , quite so practical for its intended use . Obviously a man came up with this design , if you know what I mean . First Clay Aiken 's hair , now this . Remember very early on in this blog when I was complaining about other blogs that were supposed to be about cancer but instead were nothing but ramblings about American Idol ? I 've become one of Them . Sometimes cancer simply must take a back seat to the more important things we have to worry about , such as WHAT IS GOING ON WITH CLAY AIKEN ' S HAIR ? For the love of God , man , fire your stylist ! It 's hideous ! Clay 's new hairdo has been bothering me since last night . I really love Clay . I have his CD and his Christmas CD . There , I said it . You can 't make fun of me , either . I have cancer . Anyway , last night 's finale seemed even longer and more painful than being in labor with WCB . Just when you think you couldn 't be any more bored ( How long can a salute to Burt Bacharach possibly go on ? ? ) , somebody says , " Ladies and gentlemen , Dionne Warwick ! " and your soul starts to die a little . I am happy that Taylor won and beat out that Rainbow - mangling hack , but I still don 't think he 's bright , Steve . Soul patrol ! What with all of these hilarious song lyrics , so many birthdays , and the American Idol finale ( Stop singing " Over the Rainbow . " Just stop . And was Elliott wearing a boy scout uniform ? ) , I forgot to tell you all that everything is set up for my next visit to the Mayo Clinic in July . If everything goes as expected , it should be a one - day affair . I 'm scheduled to drop off my Big Jug at the Official Urine Station ( they 're mailing it to me before the trip so I can pre - pee ) and have blood drawn in the morning . Jay and I will meet with the doctor in the afternoon to go over the results . Yeah . At Mayo , you get your test results back within hours . None of this two - week stuff . Jay 's parents were nice enough to say they 'd come along to Rochester and look after WCB while we 're talking to the doctor . She 's the World 's Cutest Baby , but she 's just not who you want with you when you 're trying to have a serious medical conversation : DOCTOR : It appears that your protein levels have . . . ME : WCB ! Stop eating the nice lady 's stethoscope ! After that , we 're planning to go up to the Twin Cities for a few days to see friends and , of course , go to the Mall of America . It 's one of my favorite places on earth . I just love the way it smells . It 's like a mixture of new shoes , gumballs , freshly baked doughnuts , and chlorine from the Camp Snoopy water rides . If they made a Mall of America air freshener , I 'd buy cases of it . I Googled that Indigo Girls song , " Down by the River . " You know : The one I thought went , " Down by the river . . . I was shot by a baby . . . " Turns out it really goes , " Down by the river . . . I shot my baby . . . dead . . . " What ? And those Indigos always seemed like such peaceful gals . The " dead " part is the most shocking part to me . They sing it really long and slow : " Deaaaaaaaaaad " , so I always thought they were singing " Dowwwwwwwwn " , as if to re - emphasize that , yes , they were still down by the river . It was either that or " Dammmmmn " , which would be an appropriate response when one is shot by a baby . But " dead " ? Hmm . No . Never expected that . At least being shot by a baby conjures up a halfway comical image , like when Maggie Simpson shot Mr . Burns . Jay turns the Big 3 - 0 today . Now , before you start thinking he 's going to turn into a stodgy old man , keep in mind that just yesterday he started a conversation with the following sentences : " You know , if I were a Transformer , I 'd never be the car . I would be the robot ALL THE TIME . " My husband : More than meets the eye ! I got an excellent response to my request for misunderstood song lyrics . ( Missed the original post ? Check it out here ) . One anonymous poster pointed me toward a book called ' Scuse Me While I Kiss This Guy by Gavin Edwards . It 's a book filled with misunderstood song lyrics from the ' 60s through the ' 90s . I haven 't seen the actual book , but some of the examples listed on Amazon . com just crack me up . My favorite is , " The ants are my friends ; they 're blowin ' in the wind . . . " The same poster pointed out how tough it is to decipher most Elton John lyrics , which reminded me of an episode of Friends in which Phoebe believes the words to " Tiny Dancer " are actually " Hold me closer , Tony Danza . . . " Lizard Eater was brave enough to confess that she always thought Neil Diamond was singing about " Reverend Bluejeans . " " ' Forever in Blue Jeans ' came out at the time that * I * was watching Captain Kangaroo , " she wrote . " Remember Mr . Green Jeans ? And his friend . . . the Reverend Blue Jeans , Babe . " Yes , I would think that Captain Kangaroo would have welcomed a religious influence , what with the way he was constantly being assaulted with ping - pong balls . That would eat away at anyone 's soul . Next , we have John W . , who reminded us of the ever - popular " There 's a bathroom on the right " by Creedence Clearwater Revival . The real words are " There 's a bad moon on the rise , " but nobody will ever , ever hear it in their heads that way . And this next one 's my favorite , also from John : " In the Christmas song , ' We Wish You a Merry Christmas ' , the lyric is ' Now bring me some figgy pudding , ' " , he wrote . " My grandson thought it was ' Now bring me some friggin ' pudding . ' " HA HA HA ! ! Merry Friggin ' Christmas ! And here 's another popular one , brought to our attention by my college roommate Rachel : " Okay , that song , ' Blinded by the light , revved up like a Deuce , another runner in the night ' by Manfred Mann 's Rare Earth Band ? " she wrote . " I 've always ALWAYS heard it as ' Blinded by the light , wrapped up like a douche . . . ' I took a poll in my living right now , and 2 out oPosted by Katharine sang " Over the Rainbow " last night on American Idol . NO ! ! NO ! ! NO ! ! NO ! ! One of my bizarre - but - true pet peeves is that I cannot stand anyone singing " Over the Rainbow " besides Judy Garland . I don 't care what Simon Cowell says , nobody else can sing it the right way . Nobody can top Judy . Even toward the end of her life , when she looked like an 80 - pound , drunk jaundiced raisin in a giant feather boa , she could still sing a mean " Rainbow . " Someday I 'm going to win the Powerball and buy the rights to " Over the Rainbow " and then ban everyone from singing it . Maybe I 'll allow Liza Minnelli to do it if there is some kind of an " Over the Rainbow " emergency , but that 's it . I guess I 'm forced to root for Taylor now . Soul patrol . Anyone else have a bizarre pet peeve , or is it just me ? I do have several more , mostly involving grammar , but if I start listing them I 'll probably get too riled up . A year ago right now I was in labor . At first , I wasn 't sure if I was in labor . I wasn 't sure for hours and hours and hours . It 's not like it is on TV , where a woman has one contraction and either a ) grabs her stomach and screams or b ) serenely turns to her husband and says with all of the female wisdom of the ages , " Honey , it 's time . " I thought maybe I was having some more Braxton - Hicks contractions , which I 'd been having off and on for a few weeks . The ones I was having that day didn 't really hurt , and they weren 't coming at perfect , regular intervals , but they weren 't going away , either . Eventually , I looked up " early labor " in a couple of my pregnancy books . One book said to eat a lot and stay really active ; another book said to only eat " soft " foods and just lie around . I took the lying around option and spent the afternoon on the couch watching the BBC version of Pride and Prejudice . ( That 's the one with Colin Firth and the wet shirt . Nice . ) Jay came home at the usual time and brought me Boston Market mashed potatoes . He ran on the treadmill ; I watched the season finale of Everybody Loves Raymond . Somewhere toward the end of the show - I don 't even remember how it ended now - I started thinking that maybe we should call the doctor . Here 's another thing that 's not like TV : You don 't call Dr . Huxtable at home , where he is ready to instantly drop whatever hilarious thing he 's doing with his family - like lip synching to a Ray Charles song - and run off to the hospital immediately . I had to leave a message with the answering service and wait for the doctor to call back . When she did , she said she didn 't think I was really in labor , but I could come in and get checked if I wanted to . After that , a few more contractions hit . Bad ones . We were in the car and driving off into the night . Every time I had a contraction , I 'd try to picture something happy , like Disneyland or the Yellow Brick Road , or the Yellow Brick Road leading into Disneyland . Even after all that , I was onlPosted by First I have to say that I 'm just loving hearing from all of you Brady Bunch nuts out there . Keep on , keep on , keep on , keep on leaving comments about your favorite episodes here . . . or just read through the comments . They 're guaranteed to bring back warm Brady memories - - or perhaps slightly painful flashbacks . Long live Johnny Bravo ! Same goes for the misunderstood lyrics . We 're still getting some good ones . Check in with those here . Now for my main point : Mother 's Day . If there are any women out there wondering if they should have children , I say , go for it ladies ! Why ? Well , sure , there 's all that stuff about your heart overflowing with unconditional love , witnessing the miracle of life , blah , blah , blah , but the best part is you get your own holiday ! That 's 24 hours when everyone is required - - perhaps by law - - to be nice to you and give you stuff . It 's like having a second birthday , only it 's better because you get reinforcement from the greeting card industry , restaurants , and jewelry stores . Finally , that 27 hours of labor pays off ! Jay and WCB took me out to Mimi 's Cafe ( Official Motto : " If the muffin 's not the size of your head , it 's free ! " ) . We had a great time . This was the first time we let WCB eat real people food from our plates in a restaurant , but we forgot to bring her big bib . By the end , she was completely covered in bread crumbs and watermelon juice and was laughing like a mad scientist . Then Jay and WCB gave me the Best . Present . Ever : A gift certificate for a massage . If any of you men out there presented your wives with , say , a pair of gardening gloves or any form of power tool and received a less - than - warm response , I have five words for you to carry in your hearts until next year : Gift Certificate For A Massage . I can 't wait to use it . Woo hoo ! WCB 's first birthday party was yesterday . It was such a great day with our family and friends . Usually when WCB is faced with a large crowd of well - wishers , she becomes Mayor of Fussy Town ( which is the less fun suburb of Funky Town ) , but yesterday she did very well . She didn 't dig into her little cake as we had hoped ; instead she took a few tiny , dainty bites and ended up with just a dab of frosting on her nose . I suppose when you hold the official title of WCB , you feel that you should be careful not to muss your face . You don 't want the WCB Runner Up swooping in and stealing your tiara . She also received so many wonderful gifts . . . but now it looks like a Toys R Us exploded in our living room . Other good news : Right before the party , we found out that WCB 's godparents , Dan and Vickie , welcomed their first baby - - a little boy . Congratulations ! Now WCB has another boyfriend to choose from if that thing with two - year - old Tom doesn 't work out . And today is my first real Mother 's Day . I sort of got to celebrate last year , because I was on - the - verge - of - exploding pregnant , but this year I get to celebrate for real . Jay and WCB are taking me out . Woo hoo ! A very happy Mother 's Day to all of the other mothers out there . I hope everyone is nice to you , because you deserve it . I have a wide variety of topics to cover today . I 'll try to number my rambles so you can keep track of them . . . RAMBLE ONE : It looks like I 'm the only one around here who appreciates The Brady Bunch . Nobody else has a favorite episode ? What about the time Marcia fell in love with her dentist ? What about when Vincent Price tied up the kids in the cave in Hawaii ? What about the time they made the Pilgrim movie ? Those were classics . RAMBLE TWO : Chris got voted off of American Idol ? ? ? He was the best one . Who am I supposed to root for now ? I have never understood Elliot 's appeal , and Katharine has always seemed snotty . Taylor seems like a very nice fellow , and he is highly entertaining , but in a Forrest - Gump - is - having - a - seizure sort of way . Let me tell you a story : Sometime in the mid - ' 80s , my sister and I were spending the night at our grandparents ' house . They let us stay up late . Paul Simon was the musical guest on Saturday Night Live , and he had a couple dozen backup singers / dancers who were supposed to be dancing the same steps , but they kept messing up . My grandma turned to my grandpa and said very seriously , " Oh , I don 't think they 're bright , Steve . " My sister and I thought this was HILARIOUS . We still say it to each other all the time . And that is the best way to sum up my feelings about Taylor : I don 't think he 's bright , Steve . RAMBLE THREE : ( Skip this one if you 're eating and / or you just don 't want to read about cat / child throwup ) Around 1 : 30 this morning , I once again woke up to my oldest child ( that would be Garland the cat ) trying to produce a hairball on our bedspread . Within a tenth of a second , I had woken from a deep sleep and grabbed Garland , and we both became airborne while I flung her towards the bathroom where she could safely throw up on the tile . Mission accomplished . Everyone is fine , including the bedspread . Jay either slept through it or faked sleeping through it so he wouldn 't have to deal with cat throwup , and who can blame him , really ? The thing is , I have a genetic ability to sense when thePosted by First of all , I 'm getting some GREAT responses to my request for misunderstood song lyrics ( check out my previous post and the growing list of comments if you missed it ) . Keep them coming ! I will compile them all into another post later . My sister just reminded me of the origins of my Officially Lame CD collection . I 'd completely forgotten this : I remember when you built your CD collection in college , which might explain the Monkees CD . . . remember how you would sign up for the record clubs and get something like 10 free CDs ? One membership perk was that if one of your friends signed up , you AND your friend also got ten MORE free CDs . I think at one point you signed me up and kept my CDs , seeing that I didn 't own a CD player and was happy to let you keep them . However , if I remember right , your goldfish enthusiastically signed up and also got free CDs . Then , luckily , when the goldfish passed on , they left their entire collections to you . I 'm betting it was the goldfish who selected the Monkees , out of respect to the animal kingdom . OK , it 's true . I lied to the record club . I claimed that my goldfish Jan was my " roommate " , and she got 10 free CDs , which she kindly let me keep . The real kicker was that after Jan passed away and we both quit the record club , the club kept sending postcards to Jan begging her to come back . They never sent me a thing . I always felt slighted by that . Jan shared her tank with another goldfish , Peter . Peter and Jan were always my favorite members of The Brady Bunch . Remember when Jan tried to remove her freckles with lemon juice ? Or when Peter went around saying , " Pork chops . . . and applesauce " in a Humphrey Bogart voice ? Maybe this is how I ended up with The Monkees CD . The Bradys always loved Davy Jones . Remember when he sang at the prom ? If you can 't think of any misunderstood lyrics , then tell me your favorite episode of The Brady Bunch . You know you have one . I call dibs on the one where Greg hides a goat in his bedroom . I 've been thinking about popular music lately for a couple of reasons . Last night , WCB opened the drawer that holds all of our CDs and flung them out onto the floor one by one . Jay and I were horrified , not because of the mess she was making , but because we noticed that we apparently haven 't purchased a new CD since 1995 . As the pile mounted , it soon became clear that we are Officially Lame . Hootie and the Blowfish ? Jewel ? Alanis Morissette ? Are these people even still alive ? And don 't get me started on Jay 's Boyz II Men collection . Then there are a few that defy explanation . The Monkees ' Greatest Hits ? I know that one is mine , but I don 't know why . We 're going to have to get a baby - proof lock on that drawer , not just to keep WCB out , but to keep the Lameness Vibes from oozing all over the rest of the house . Now for the second reason I 've been thinking about music : A few posts ago , I wrote about how much I like stupid song parodies . Someone named Spechtster left the following comment : Along the lines of stupid song parodies . . . I read an article about a guy who thought the Rolling Stones ' " Beast of Burden " lyrics were actually " Never . . . Leave . . . Your Pizza Burnin ' " ! Ah ! Misunderstood lyrics ! The equally funny cousin of stupid song parodies ! I once had a professor who admitted he always thought " Do the Hustle ! " was really " Tuna hotdog ! " I used to work with a girl who thought the chorus of " Rock Me Amadeus " went , " Hot potatoes , hot potatoes . . . hot potatoes . . . " Then there 's me . About eight years ago , there was a song called " Sex and Candy " that played on the radio every five seconds . ( I just looked it up online . It was by a one - hit wonder group called Marcy Playground and spent 15 weeks at number one ) . The chorus went , " I smell sex and . . . can - day here . . . " but for months I was convinced they were actually singing , " I smell sexy . . . camel leg hair . . . " Seriously . I 'm admitting this , because I know I can 't be the only one . I 'm inviting you all to send me your own tales of misunderstood lyrics - - the other " sexy camel leg haPosted by In my past post , I mentioned WCB 's wedding day . Now , before any of you boy babies or even older - man toddlers start lining up at our front door , you should know that WCB has been engaged to a two - year - old named Tom since the day she was born . Tom lives in Minneapolis , and he 's a good man . He can tell you what Homer Simpson , Mr . Burns , and Darth Vader say . ( Answers : " D ' oh ! " " Exxxxxxcellent ! " and ( Deep - Breathing Noise ) ) Tom 's Mama ( the aforementioned DeAnna of the Happy Chick Show ) and I have it all worked out . The ceremony will be at The Chapel O ' Love at The Mall of America . The rehearsal dinner will be at the food court . That 's the slightly upscale food court that overlooks Lego Land , not the depressing food court across from the old Cereal Adventure . We 're not trashy . Louis Rukeyser , the host of Wall Street Week , just died of multiple myeloma at age 73 . I didn 't really know much about him , except my Great - Grandma Nina just loved him . Great - Grandma Nina had some money . Not just money : mo - NAY . For Christmas , we 'd get things like socks with fake fur on them . After she died , I received a strand of her pearls , a bear from her teddy bear collection , and , for some reason , an unopened bottle of Kahlua from her liquor cabinet . For seven years , Jay has been after me : " When are we going to drink the Nina Kahlua ? When are we going to drink the Nina Kahlua ? " What ? Never ! It belonged to my beloved grandmother ! It 's a family heirloom now ! I 'm giving it to WCB on her wedding day ! Seriously , we have moved to two different apartments and a house with that bottle of Kahlua . Where was I going with all of this ? Oh , yeah , Louis Rukeyser . Now it seems that whenever anyone dies of multiple myeloma , it just leaps off of the page at me . It seems like EVERYONE is dying of multiple myeloma . It 's like there 's nothing else to die of . It 's what all of the cool people die of now . Aren 't you all jealous that I have such a fashionable disease ? WCB is crawling , ladies and gentlemen . Crawling . Remember a couple of months ago when I was so worried that she would never crawl ? When the doctor told me to get her evaluated for a developmental delay ? When I pictured her lifelong lack of crawling skills preventing her from getting into Harvard ? When I worked with her day in and day out trying to get her to move forward - - just a tiny bit ? Was I insane ? She 's been crawling for less than 24 hours , and already all of the rules of our lives have changed . I can no longer expect her to sit in one spot while I make myself a sandwich or brush my teeth . She will now ignore hundreds of dollars worth of toys and books and go straight for the one thing in the room that 's not good for her . Electrical cords . Outlets . The cat 's water dish . In the time it took me to put some pajamas away in her drawer , she made her way to the CD player , pushed the button to open it , pulled out the CD , and began to eat it . Her new hobby is getting into the basket of clean laundry and flinging it out onto the floor . I have to confess that I encourage her to do this , because it keeps her occupied for several minutes at a time . What 's it going to be like when she 's ( shudder ) walking ? I won 't think about it now . I won 't . A new chapter begins . . . And now for an entry from the Cool Things My Friends Have Done File : My friend Gordon just had an esplanade - - that 's a fancy name for a walkway - - named after him at Centralia College in Washington state . Gordon wrote humor columns for the University of South Dakota student newspaper about 50 years before I did , and he still writes humor columns for his hometown paper . He e - mails them to me every week , and I then forward them to others , usually with a little comment at the top - - usually something like , " I JUST LOVE GORDON ! " or " DON ' T YOU JUST LOVE GORDON ? " One of Gordon 's USD classmates was Al Neuharth , who founded USA Today , and who gave a go - zillion dollars for the Al Neuharth Center on campus as well as the journalism scholarships that paid for Jay and me to go to school . Al showed up unexpectedly for Gordon 's esplanade ceremony in a giant limo . You have to love Al . He would swoop into USD once a year with Larry King or Tom Brokaw or someone and buy everyone steak . I 'm guessing he still does . On a side note , if any of you out in the blogosphere know any high school students who are interested in journalism , USD still awards the Neuharth Scholarship . Click here and then scroll down for more info .
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Remember a few posts ago , when I worried about the new deck disturbing an ancient Indian burial ground ? WCB has an extremely annoying toy shaped like a firefly . When you move its wings , it goes , " Ha ha HA HA ha ! " or " Woo hoo ! " or " Doing ! " The firefly is lying in a toy pile on our bedroom floor , and last night around 2 a . m . it started going " Ha ha HA HA ha ! " all by itself . Coincidence ? I think not . It 's just like the part in Poltergiest where the kid was attacked by the scary toy clown , except I was able to go back to sleep and I didn 't get sucked into the closet . The closet could use a good cleaning , though . Maybe an evil - spirit - sucking would help . It would be a good excuse to go shopping , too . " I 'll be at Eddie Bauer . All of my jeans got sucked into the Netherworld . " I 'm also losing the championship Super Scrabble game . Again , I blame the evil spirits . I do have some good news , though . Did you know there is a Dave Barry movie starring DAVE HIMSELF ? Right now it has a " Very Long Wait " in Netflix . I don 't know how long I can hold out . I might have to buy it . The fact that it went directly to DVD and probably nobody else has ever heard of it does not faze me in the least . I remain loyal to Dave . Last night I got my butt kicked in Super Scrabble when my mom made " ENCRUST " and got the 50 - point bonus for using all of her letters . We 're now tied in Super Scrabble games 1 - 1 . I know you 're all on the edge of your seats , waiting to see who will emerge victorious from the bloodbath . I will let you know . We 're building a deck on the back of our house . Actually , my dad and Jay are building the deck . My mom , WCB , and I are sitting in the air conditioning watching them through the window . Life 's tough . The other day , they rented a machine to dig a bunch of giant holes all over the yard . I hope they didn 't disturb an ancient Indian burial ground or anything . I 've seen Poltergiest . I know how it works . If corpses start popping up and haunting us , I 'll let you all know . My mom and I have been playing Super Scrabble when WCB is sleeping . Scrabble fans , have you heard of this ? It 's played just like regular Scrabble , only it has twice the letters . That 's right , you could make a word with two Z 's in it . That 's not all . It also has a bigger board with " Quadruple Word Score " spaces . Last night I made " squire " for 81 points . I 'm such a Scrabble nerd , even though my mom and I totally cheat with the dictionary when we play . Speaking of Scrabble , if you go to the official web site , there 's an online dictionary and a " Word Builder " tool that can help you cheat - - like , really bad , horrible cheating . It 's great . They are serious . And don 't call them Shirley . I got my " jug " from the Mayo Clinic in the mail yesterday . It 's not really a jug . It 's more of a rubbery , bendy , flexible container with a little screw - off top . Um . What ? Sure , it 's practical for sending through the mail , as it folds in half quite nicely . It 's not , however , quite so practical for its intended use . Obviously a man came up with this design , if you know what I mean . First Clay Aiken 's hair , now this . Remember very early on in this blog when I was complaining about other blogs that were supposed to be about cancer but instead were nothing but ramblings about American Idol ? I 've become one of Them . Sometimes cancer simply must take a back seat to the more important things we have to worry about , such as WHAT IS GOING ON WITH CLAY AIKEN ' S HAIR ? For the love of God , man , fire your stylist ! It 's hideous ! Clay 's new hairdo has been bothering me since last night . I really love Clay . I have his CD and his Christmas CD . There , I said it . You can 't make fun of me , either . I have cancer . Anyway , last night 's finale seemed even longer and more painful than being in labor with WCB . Just when you think you couldn 't be any more bored ( How long can a salute to Burt Bacharach possibly go on ? ? ) , somebody says , " Ladies and gentlemen , Dionne Warwick ! " and your soul starts to die a little . I am happy that Taylor won and beat out that Rainbow - mangling hack , but I still don 't think he 's bright , Steve . Soul patrol ! What with all of these hilarious song lyrics , so many birthdays , and the American Idol finale ( Stop singing " Over the Rainbow . " Just stop . And was Elliott wearing a boy scout uniform ? ) , I forgot to tell you all that everything is set up for my next visit to the Mayo Clinic in July . If everything goes as expected , it should be a one - day affair . I 'm scheduled to drop off my Big Jug at the Official Urine Station ( they 're mailing it to me before the trip so I can pre - pee ) and have blood drawn in the morning . Jay and I will meet with the doctor in the afternoon to go over the results . Yeah . At Mayo , you get your test results back within hours . None of this two - week stuff . Jay 's parents were nice enough to say they 'd come along to Rochester and look after WCB while we 're talking to the doctor . She 's the World 's Cutest Baby , but she 's just not who you want with you when you 're trying to have a serious medical conversation : DOCTOR : It appears that your protein levels have . . . ME : WCB ! Stop eating the nice lady 's stethoscope ! After that , we 're planning to go up to the Twin Cities for a few days to see friends and , of course , go to the Mall of America . It 's one of my favorite places on earth . I just love the way it smells . It 's like a mixture of new shoes , gumballs , freshly baked doughnuts , and chlorine from the Camp Snoopy water rides . If they made a Mall of America air freshener , I 'd buy cases of it . I Googled that Indigo Girls song , " Down by the River . " You know : The one I thought went , " Down by the river . . . I was shot by a baby . . . " Turns out it really goes , " Down by the river . . . I shot my baby . . . dead . . . " What ? And those Indigos always seemed like such peaceful gals . The " dead " part is the most shocking part to me . They sing it really long and slow : " Deaaaaaaaaaad " , so I always thought they were singing " Dowwwwwwwwn " , as if to re - emphasize that , yes , they were still down by the river . It was either that or " Dammmmmn " , which would be an appropriate response when one is shot by a baby . But " dead " ? Hmm . No . Never expected that . At least being shot by a baby conjures up a halfway comical image , like when Maggie Simpson shot Mr . Burns . Jay turns the Big 3 - 0 today . Now , before you start thinking he 's going to turn into a stodgy old man , keep in mind that just yesterday he started a conversation with the following sentences : " You know , if I were a Transformer , I 'd never be the car . I would be the robot ALL THE TIME . " My husband : More than meets the eye ! I got an excellent response to my request for misunderstood song lyrics . ( Missed the original post ? Check it out here ) . One anonymous poster pointed me toward a book called ' Scuse Me While I Kiss This Guy by Gavin Edwards . It 's a book filled with misunderstood song lyrics from the ' 60s through the ' 90s . I haven 't seen the actual book , but some of the examples listed on Amazon . com just crack me up . My favorite is , " The ants are my friends ; they 're blowin ' in the wind . . . " The same poster pointed out how tough it is to decipher most Elton John lyrics , which reminded me of an episode of Friends in which Phoebe believes the words to " Tiny Dancer " are actually " Hold me closer , Tony Danza . . . " Lizard Eater was brave enough to confess that she always thought Neil Diamond was singing about " Reverend Bluejeans . " " ' Forever in Blue Jeans ' came out at the time that * I * was watching Captain Kangaroo , " she wrote . " Remember Mr . Green Jeans ? And his friend . . . the Reverend Blue Jeans , Babe . " Yes , I would think that Captain Kangaroo would have welcomed a religious influence , what with the way he was constantly being assaulted with ping - pong balls . That would eat away at anyone 's soul . Next , we have John W . , who reminded us of the ever - popular " There 's a bathroom on the right " by Creedence Clearwater Revival . The real words are " There 's a bad moon on the rise , " but nobody will ever , ever hear it in their heads that way . And this next one 's my favorite , also from John : " In the Christmas song , ' We Wish You a Merry Christmas ' , the lyric is ' Now bring me some figgy pudding , ' " , he wrote . " My grandson thought it was ' Now bring me some friggin ' pudding . ' " HA HA HA ! ! Merry Friggin ' Christmas ! And here 's another popular one , brought to our attention by my college roommate Rachel : " Okay , that song , ' Blinded by the light , revved up like a Deuce , another runner in the night ' by Manfred Mann 's Rare Earth Band ? " she wrote . " I 've always ALWAYS heard it as ' Blinded by the light , wrapped up like a douche . . . ' I took a poll in my living right now , and 2 out oPosted by Katharine sang " Over the Rainbow " last night on American Idol . NO ! ! NO ! ! NO ! ! NO ! ! One of my bizarre - but - true pet peeves is that I cannot stand anyone singing " Over the Rainbow " besides Judy Garland . I don 't care what Simon Cowell says , nobody else can sing it the right way . Nobody can top Judy . Even toward the end of her life , when she looked like an 80 - pound , drunk jaundiced raisin in a giant feather boa , she could still sing a mean " Rainbow . " Someday I 'm going to win the Powerball and buy the rights to " Over the Rainbow " and then ban everyone from singing it . Maybe I 'll allow Liza Minnelli to do it if there is some kind of an " Over the Rainbow " emergency , but that 's it . I guess I 'm forced to root for Taylor now . Soul patrol . Anyone else have a bizarre pet peeve , or is it just me ? I do have several more , mostly involving grammar , but if I start listing them I 'll probably get too riled up . A year ago right now I was in labor . At first , I wasn 't sure if I was in labor . I wasn 't sure for hours and hours and hours . It 's not like it is on TV , where a woman has one contraction and either a ) grabs her stomach and screams or b ) serenely turns to her husband and says with all of the female wisdom of the ages , " Honey , it 's time . " I thought maybe I was having some more Braxton - Hicks contractions , which I 'd been having off and on for a few weeks . The ones I was having that day didn 't really hurt , and they weren 't coming at perfect , regular intervals , but they weren 't going away , either . Eventually , I looked up " early labor " in a couple of my pregnancy books . One book said to eat a lot and stay really active ; another book said to only eat " soft " foods and just lie around . I took the lying around option and spent the afternoon on the couch watching the BBC version of Pride and Prejudice . ( That 's the one with Colin Firth and the wet shirt . Nice . ) Jay came home at the usual time and brought me Boston Market mashed potatoes . He ran on the treadmill ; I watched the season finale of Everybody Loves Raymond . Somewhere toward the end of the show - I don 't even remember how it ended now - I started thinking that maybe we should call the doctor . Here 's another thing that 's not like TV : You don 't call Dr . Huxtable at home , where he is ready to instantly drop whatever hilarious thing he 's doing with his family - like lip synching to a Ray Charles song - and run off to the hospital immediately . I had to leave a message with the answering service and wait for the doctor to call back . When she did , she said she didn 't think I was really in labor , but I could come in and get checked if I wanted to . After that , a few more contractions hit . Bad ones . We were in the car and driving off into the night . Every time I had a contraction , I 'd try to picture something happy , like Disneyland or the Yellow Brick Road , or the Yellow Brick Road leading into Disneyland . Even after all that , I was onlPosted by First I have to say that I 'm just loving hearing from all of you Brady Bunch nuts out there . Keep on , keep on , keep on , keep on leaving comments about your favorite episodes here . . . or just read through the comments . They 're guaranteed to bring back warm Brady memories - - or perhaps slightly painful flashbacks . Long live Johnny Bravo ! Same goes for the misunderstood lyrics . We 're still getting some good ones . Check in with those here . Now for my main point : Mother 's Day . If there are any women out there wondering if they should have children , I say , go for it ladies ! Why ? Well , sure , there 's all that stuff about your heart overflowing with unconditional love , witnessing the miracle of life , blah , blah , blah , but the best part is you get your own holiday ! That 's 24 hours when everyone is required - - perhaps by law - - to be nice to you and give you stuff . It 's like having a second birthday , only it 's better because you get reinforcement from the greeting card industry , restaurants , and jewelry stores . Finally , that 27 hours of labor pays off ! Jay and WCB took me out to Mimi 's Cafe ( Official Motto : " If the muffin 's not the size of your head , it 's free ! " ) . We had a great time . This was the first time we let WCB eat real people food from our plates in a restaurant , but we forgot to bring her big bib . By the end , she was completely covered in bread crumbs and watermelon juice and was laughing like a mad scientist . Then Jay and WCB gave me the Best . Present . Ever : A gift certificate for a massage . If any of you men out there presented your wives with , say , a pair of gardening gloves or any form of power tool and received a less - than - warm response , I have five words for you to carry in your hearts until next year : Gift Certificate For A Massage . I can 't wait to use it . Woo hoo ! WCB 's first birthday party was yesterday . It was such a great day with our family and friends . Usually when WCB is faced with a large crowd of well - wishers , she becomes Mayor of Fussy Town ( which is the less fun suburb of Funky Town ) , but yesterday she did very well . She didn 't dig into her little cake as we had hoped ; instead she took a few tiny , dainty bites and ended up with just a dab of frosting on her nose . I suppose when you hold the official title of WCB , you feel that you should be careful not to muss your face . You don 't want the WCB Runner Up swooping in and stealing your tiara . She also received so many wonderful gifts . . . but now it looks like a Toys R Us exploded in our living room . Other good news : Right before the party , we found out that WCB 's godparents , Dan and Vickie , welcomed their first baby - - a little boy . Congratulations ! Now WCB has another boyfriend to choose from if that thing with two - year - old Tom doesn 't work out . And today is my first real Mother 's Day . I sort of got to celebrate last year , because I was on - the - verge - of - exploding pregnant , but this year I get to celebrate for real . Jay and WCB are taking me out . Woo hoo ! A very happy Mother 's Day to all of the other mothers out there . I hope everyone is nice to you , because you deserve it . I have a wide variety of topics to cover today . I 'll try to number my rambles so you can keep track of them . . . RAMBLE ONE : It looks like I 'm the only one around here who appreciates The Brady Bunch . Nobody else has a favorite episode ? What about the time Marcia fell in love with her dentist ? What about when Vincent Price tied up the kids in the cave in Hawaii ? What about the time they made the Pilgrim movie ? Those were classics . RAMBLE TWO : Chris got voted off of American Idol ? ? ? He was the best one . Who am I supposed to root for now ? I have never understood Elliot 's appeal , and Katharine has always seemed snotty . Taylor seems like a very nice fellow , and he is highly entertaining , but in a Forrest - Gump - is - having - a - seizure sort of way . Let me tell you a story : Sometime in the mid - ' 80s , my sister and I were spending the night at our grandparents ' house . They let us stay up late . Paul Simon was the musical guest on Saturday Night Live , and he had a couple dozen backup singers / dancers who were supposed to be dancing the same steps , but they kept messing up . My grandma turned to my grandpa and said very seriously , " Oh , I don 't think they 're bright , Steve . " My sister and I thought this was HILARIOUS . We still say it to each other all the time . And that is the best way to sum up my feelings about Taylor : I don 't think he 's bright , Steve . RAMBLE THREE : ( Skip this one if you 're eating and / or you just don 't want to read about cat / child throwup ) Around 1 : 30 this morning , I once again woke up to my oldest child ( that would be Garland the cat ) trying to produce a hairball on our bedspread . Within a tenth of a second , I had woken from a deep sleep and grabbed Garland , and we both became airborne while I flung her towards the bathroom where she could safely throw up on the tile . Mission accomplished . Everyone is fine , including the bedspread . Jay either slept through it or faked sleeping through it so he wouldn 't have to deal with cat throwup , and who can blame him , really ? The thing is , I have a genetic ability to sense when thePosted by First of all , I 'm getting some GREAT responses to my request for misunderstood song lyrics ( check out my previous post and the growing list of comments if you missed it ) . Keep them coming ! I will compile them all into another post later . My sister just reminded me of the origins of my Officially Lame CD collection . I 'd completely forgotten this : I remember when you built your CD collection in college , which might explain the Monkees CD . . . remember how you would sign up for the record clubs and get something like 10 free CDs ? One membership perk was that if one of your friends signed up , you AND your friend also got ten MORE free CDs . I think at one point you signed me up and kept my CDs , seeing that I didn 't own a CD player and was happy to let you keep them . However , if I remember right , your goldfish enthusiastically signed up and also got free CDs . Then , luckily , when the goldfish passed on , they left their entire collections to you . I 'm betting it was the goldfish who selected the Monkees , out of respect to the animal kingdom . OK , it 's true . I lied to the record club . I claimed that my goldfish Jan was my " roommate " , and she got 10 free CDs , which she kindly let me keep . The real kicker was that after Jan passed away and we both quit the record club , the club kept sending postcards to Jan begging her to come back . They never sent me a thing . I always felt slighted by that . Jan shared her tank with another goldfish , Peter . Peter and Jan were always my favorite members of The Brady Bunch . Remember when Jan tried to remove her freckles with lemon juice ? Or when Peter went around saying , " Pork chops . . . and applesauce " in a Humphrey Bogart voice ? Maybe this is how I ended up with The Monkees CD . The Bradys always loved Davy Jones . Remember when he sang at the prom ? If you can 't think of any misunderstood lyrics , then tell me your favorite episode of The Brady Bunch . You know you have one . I call dibs on the one where Greg hides a goat in his bedroom . I 've been thinking about popular music lately for a couple of reasons . Last night , WCB opened the drawer that holds all of our CDs and flung them out onto the floor one by one . Jay and I were horrified , not because of the mess she was making , but because we noticed that we apparently haven 't purchased a new CD since 1995 . As the pile mounted , it soon became clear that we are Officially Lame . Hootie and the Blowfish ? Jewel ? Alanis Morissette ? Are these people even still alive ? And don 't get me started on Jay 's Boyz II Men collection . Then there are a few that defy explanation . The Monkees ' Greatest Hits ? I know that one is mine , but I don 't know why . We 're going to have to get a baby - proof lock on that drawer , not just to keep WCB out , but to keep the Lameness Vibes from oozing all over the rest of the house . Now for the second reason I 've been thinking about music : A few posts ago , I wrote about how much I like stupid song parodies . Someone named Spechtster left the following comment : Along the lines of stupid song parodies . . . I read an article about a guy who thought the Rolling Stones ' " Beast of Burden " lyrics were actually " Never . . . Leave . . . Your Pizza Burnin ' " ! Ah ! Misunderstood lyrics ! The equally funny cousin of stupid song parodies ! I once had a professor who admitted he always thought " Do the Hustle ! " was really " Tuna hotdog ! " I used to work with a girl who thought the chorus of " Rock Me Amadeus " went , " Hot potatoes , hot potatoes . . . hot potatoes . . . " Then there 's me . About eight years ago , there was a song called " Sex and Candy " that played on the radio every five seconds . ( I just looked it up online . It was by a one - hit wonder group called Marcy Playground and spent 15 weeks at number one ) . The chorus went , " I smell sex and . . . can - day here . . . " but for months I was convinced they were actually singing , " I smell sexy . . . camel leg hair . . . " Seriously . I 'm admitting this , because I know I can 't be the only one . I 'm inviting you all to send me your own tales of misunderstood lyrics - - the other " sexy camel leg haPosted by In my past post , I mentioned WCB 's wedding day . Now , before any of you boy babies or even older - man toddlers start lining up at our front door , you should know that WCB has been engaged to a two - year - old named Tom since the day she was born . Tom lives in Minneapolis , and he 's a good man . He can tell you what Homer Simpson , Mr . Burns , and Darth Vader say . ( Answers : " D ' oh ! " " Exxxxxxcellent ! " and ( Deep - Breathing Noise ) ) Tom 's Mama ( the aforementioned DeAnna of the Happy Chick Show ) and I have it all worked out . The ceremony will be at The Chapel O ' Love at The Mall of America . The rehearsal dinner will be at the food court . That 's the slightly upscale food court that overlooks Lego Land , not the depressing food court across from the old Cereal Adventure . We 're not trashy . Louis Rukeyser , the host of Wall Street Week , just died of multiple myeloma at age 73 . I didn 't really know much about him , except my Great - Grandma Nina just loved him . Great - Grandma Nina had some money . Not just money : mo - NAY . For Christmas , we 'd get things like socks with fake fur on them . After she died , I received a strand of her pearls , a bear from her teddy bear collection , and , for some reason , an unopened bottle of Kahlua from her liquor cabinet . For seven years , Jay has been after me : " When are we going to drink the Nina Kahlua ? When are we going to drink the Nina Kahlua ? " What ? Never ! It belonged to my beloved grandmother ! It 's a family heirloom now ! I 'm giving it to WCB on her wedding day ! Seriously , we have moved to two different apartments and a house with that bottle of Kahlua . Where was I going with all of this ? Oh , yeah , Louis Rukeyser . Now it seems that whenever anyone dies of multiple myeloma , it just leaps off of the page at me . It seems like EVERYONE is dying of multiple myeloma . It 's like there 's nothing else to die of . It 's what all of the cool people die of now . Aren 't you all jealous that I have such a fashionable disease ? WCB is crawling , ladies and gentlemen . Crawling . Remember a couple of months ago when I was so worried that she would never crawl ? When the doctor told me to get her evaluated for a developmental delay ? When I pictured her lifelong lack of crawling skills preventing her from getting into Harvard ? When I worked with her day in and day out trying to get her to move forward - - just a tiny bit ? Was I insane ? She 's been crawling for less than 24 hours , and already all of the rules of our lives have changed . I can no longer expect her to sit in one spot while I make myself a sandwich or brush my teeth . She will now ignore hundreds of dollars worth of toys and books and go straight for the one thing in the room that 's not good for her . Electrical cords . Outlets . The cat 's water dish . In the time it took me to put some pajamas away in her drawer , she made her way to the CD player , pushed the button to open it , pulled out the CD , and began to eat it . Her new hobby is getting into the basket of clean laundry and flinging it out onto the floor . I have to confess that I encourage her to do this , because it keeps her occupied for several minutes at a time . What 's it going to be like when she 's ( shudder ) walking ? I won 't think about it now . I won 't . A new chapter begins . . . And now for an entry from the Cool Things My Friends Have Done File : My friend Gordon just had an esplanade - - that 's a fancy name for a walkway - - named after him at Centralia College in Washington state . Gordon wrote humor columns for the University of South Dakota student newspaper about 50 years before I did , and he still writes humor columns for his hometown paper . He e - mails them to me every week , and I then forward them to others , usually with a little comment at the top - - usually something like , " I JUST LOVE GORDON ! " or " DON ' T YOU JUST LOVE GORDON ? " One of Gordon 's USD classmates was Al Neuharth , who founded USA Today , and who gave a go - zillion dollars for the Al Neuharth Center on campus as well as the journalism scholarships that paid for Jay and me to go to school . Al showed up unexpectedly for Gordon 's esplanade ceremony in a giant limo . You have to love Al . He would swoop into USD once a year with Larry King or Tom Brokaw or someone and buy everyone steak . I 'm guessing he still does . On a side note , if any of you out in the blogosphere know any high school students who are interested in journalism , USD still awards the Neuharth Scholarship . Click here and then scroll down for more info .
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