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t3_31nvdj | relationships | I don't like my BFF's boyfriend. | I (f32) don't like my bff's (f31) boyfriend. Sigh. This is tough because she's convinced they're going to get married but he's selfish and I can tell by his actions - and inactions - towards her that both might well be settling.
I realize people settle all the time and it's nothing new, but this is a girl who has been single for four years after a hard breakup of six years, who struggles with self esteem, and who goes for guys she has to work hard to please and get the attention of.
I'm getting ready to get married and all her younger siblings are already, it's hard for her I'm sure, but I don't want to see her with this guy.
Compounding it, is that my boyfriend doesn't like him either and my BFF is determined to have us do things together. Brunch, road trips, weekends, double dates, etc. The boyfriend/best friend dynamic is one of the hardest things to make work well and this one is proving particularly difficult. Even our mutual friends don't like him all that much, which doesn't help.
He's not a bad guy I don't think, he's not cruel, but he is very selfish. Example: she has a 7' long couch. He sits in the middle of it, always. She has to sit on the side and sling her legs over, even if she doesn't really want to. She's brought it up, he still does it. Yes, she's a grown woman and this is her battle which I have to sit by and watch her fight, but when they want us to all hang out together it starts to get tricky.
What have you done? What do you do? Ugh, this sucks. | BFF's boyfriend is selfish and neither my fiance nor I like him, but they really want to hang out with us... |
t3_4idbv8 | Advice | Root Canal or Extraction? | I have a really small mouth and even though I always try my best it is almost impossible to reach the last tooth when cleaning or flossing. This caused a major cavity at the very back that takes up 2/3 of my tooth.
I had pain that comes and goes so I went to see my dentist and she gave me an emergency filling, took out the nerves so it wouldn't hurt anymore. Though something simple took over an hour - she couldn't clamp my tooth (my jaw was in the way) and it was just generally hard to reach, my dentist had to wing it.
Now I have a month to decide wether I should get a root canal or an extraction. Here are my pros and cons:
Root Canal:
+ Saves tooth
- Will be more difficult: because my mouth is tiny & it is a very hard to reach tooth
- Will take more time too
- Will cost around 1200$, and I only have around 200$ left to my student insurance,
Extraction:
+ Fast and Easy
+ Will only cost 200-300$ which will likely be mostly covered
+ It's my last tooth in my mouth so it won't be as noticeable
- I don't have many teeth to begin with and I lose one (wisdom teeth not out yet)
I am a self-supporting student so very little funds (but I can get help from my parents?) I am really torn on what I should do, if you need more info on other deciding factors that I haven't considered, please let me know, I am also going to travel a bit this summer, so I want to know about recovery time and pain levels etc. for each if any of you know about this stuff.
Of course my dentist would suggest doing the root canal, or to save my tooth as much as possible but from my list I felt like an extraction would be better? Do any of you have any advice on this?
Thanks so much for all your help! | Last tooth is 2/3rds gone already, need to decide between root canal and extraction - low on funds. |
t3_22g8qk | relationships | Insecure GF [30F] dumped me [29M] to "go work on her self esteem". Need advice | I was in the perfect loving relationship for 5 months. We had amazing dates, spent holidays together and went on vacation. We were in the process of house shopping and had all these wonderful future plans.
Then suddenly out of the blue, she dumped me :(
She said I did nothing wrong and i was a great boyfriend. But she needs to be alone to "work on herself". She has self esteem issues and has been in therapy sessions throughout her life trying to get self help advice/life guidance. And basically she dumped me because (she claims) she doesnt have time to work on her self issues whilst dealing with a relationship.
I disagree that the relationship is/must be imposing on her self help quest. We only see eachother on weekends. And in response to her dumping me, I told her instead we could a) chat less, b) take a break from the relationship, c) slow down the relationship, d) just be friends....basically any alternative to losing her from my life. She didnt agree to any of those.
What do I say to convince her NOT to dump me and throw away a wonderful relationship for no reason? | GF Dumped me because she says shes insecure, nothing I did wrong. How do i convince her that breakup is unnecessary? |
t3_3cbixt | relationships | I [21/M] got drunk and told a family friend [17/F] that I wish it was 2016 so I could ask you out. Just woke up hungover and haven't talked to her since. What should I do? | We went to Las Vegas with our families and since I was the only 21 year old I decided to drink a lot. I came back to our room around 1 am and she was there with her siblings. We talked for a while and I let it slip that I thought she was cool and wanted to ask her out. I'm dating another girl right now that I don't like that much and she knows it. Once I told her that I knocked out. I just woke up and realized what I did.
What should I do guys? I haven't talked to her yet since last night. She's sleeping right now. My plan now is to pretend like I don't remember saying that at all to her. The thing is, I kind of do want to ask the out next year when we're both in college. I'm dating other girls now but she's pretty cool and I think we'd get a long well. | Got drunk in Vegas and told 17 y/o family friend I want to ask her out in a year. Haven't spoken to her since then. What do I do? |
t3_1t67mi | Pets | Older Cat, New Kitten: PLEASE HELP! | I've had my 5 year old cat since he was a kitten. He's the sweetest cat and my best friend. When I'm home he is on my lap constantly, or following me around at my heels.
I've always had roommates that had cats and he liked having the other cats to play with. This past October, however, he and I moved into a solo apartment and I could tell he was getting lonely and depressed from being left home alone all day when I was at work.
So…I got a female kitten! She was also very sweet and affectionate and I brought her home yesterday. Unfortunately, I wasn't prepared for how quickly this new kitten would decide that I was her "mom" too. When I was at work I kept them separated in different halves of the house. When I got home, I tried to take shifts, going back and forth between the rooms and spending one-on-one time with each cat. I did this for a few hours.
Whichever cat I was not spending time with would sit by the door and *cry the entire time* until it became his/her turn. Then it was the *other* cat's turn to sit and cry non-stop.
Emotionally exhausted from all this cat-crying, I opened the door and introduced them. Kitten was all "Hi big cat! Nice to meet you!" My older cat hissed and ran away terrified. The rest of the evening, kitten ignored older cat and did all the things my older cat usually does: followed at my heels, jumped on my lap the second I sat down, etc, all while my older cat watched from a corner, seemingly both terrified and feeling replaced.
I tried to get them to play together with older cat's favorite toys. Kitten (who is clearly a complete kitten anomaly) was totally uninterested in playing and just wanted to be held constantly. Older cat played for like two seconds and then hissed and glared at me like, "I refuse to engage in laser-pointer games with *that creature*". | I'm feeling very stressed out. Today when I left for work, I had *two* cats crying instead of one. Please reddit, I need advice and/or reassurance! |
t3_39jjcg | personalfinance | Something positive on my credit report that isn't mine. Duty to report? | So I have a modest financial life so far, young guy, no debts now, truck that is fully paid off, one credit card I use marginally.
Thinking about the future, I check my credit score, 759! Great! Wait... There is a mortgage account from 2006 listed to the tune of 40k... Which isn't mine.
My father has the same name as me, but I am a junior. He claims he has used wells Fargo for various things through the years, but isn't sure if it is his. I know for sure that he was always doing very well financially, and his career was soaring so I don't fear he defrauded me. Even if he did, it's paid perfectly and has been closed for almost 7 years.
What are my legal duties? Do I have to dispute this? It's by far the largest item on my report, so I assume would influence my score.
Advise please. | large positive item on credit report, likely dad's. No risk of family defrauding me. Do I legally need to clarify this? Will it drop my score once removed? |
t3_1hv3m1 | relationships | Me[18M] and my girlfriend[18F], have been together for almost 9 months, and recently have been going downhill. | About 5 days ago, she told me that I was getting a little clingy lately, so I told her I was sorry and I would give her some space. So she went to a friends and got high, and called me. We talked and I told her that I was having some family issues (my dad left when I was little and I have recently been brought back into his life), and it was a lot to deal with. She told me I was being too clingy again, and that she wanted some time to think, and take a "break".
So we didn't talk for a few days, and when we started talking again, things seemed different. We had also had sex a lot previously, and she wanted to stop doing it so much. I agreed and promised her I wouldn't ask her for it anymore. But then she brought up the clingyness again (which I wasn't being) and told me it was too much. She then told me that on our break, she started getting feelings for her bestfriend's brother.
Now before we had started dating, she and this guy both liked eachother, but her bestfriend had told her that she wasn't aloud to date him. Then when we met and I found out that she got high with him from time to time, it made me slightly un comfortable, and when I told her it made me un comfortable, she just told me I had nothing to worry about, that she wasn't gonna get feelings for him again.
Now here we are. I still care about her very much and she told me she does too, but she would feel bad about dating me while she likes him. We are still together as of now, and I told her I want to try to work things out, because what we have is great, and I don't want to lose her over this. Can you please help at all r/relationships? | My girlfriend of almost 9 months, is getting feelings for her bestfriends brother, but her bestfriend said she isnt aloud to date him, and she told me she feels bad dating me while she likes him. |
t3_2yd8ey | relationships | My [18 M] friend [18 F] got out of an engagement last year, is it too early to talk about the attraction we had with each other prior to the engagement? | So, my friend (I'll call her Sara) and I were talking to each other at the beginning of 2014 and confessed our mutual attraction to each other. Nothing resulted out of that due to me not thinking I was ready for a long-term relationship. Sara wanted to meet up for a New Year's kiss as well, but we had no way of getting to each other at the time. We had a class together and went to the same high school, so we saw each other regularly and everything went back to normal.
So, fast forward to the summer after our graduation in the same year. Sara was engaged to a guy for three months, from August to December, and cut a connections with many of her friends who disapproved of her getting married so early in her life. She listened to their points, but told them off because she thought she knew the guy really well. Sara would have moved to another country due to the guy being in service, but she was cheated on and the guy got into some trouble. I don't know what he did, I didn't want to poke around too much. But she basically called off the marriage and broke up with the guy.
I came into contact with Sara again recently this year and wanted to ask about what we had between us. I want to know if she still had the attraction. Is this too early to be asking that? How should I go about the conversation? | Friend got out of a engagement a few months ago. We have history between us, is it too early to be asking about that and if she still has that attraction? |
t3_33hc8o | relationships | good people of r/relationship, how long should I (23m) wait for a girl (23f) I've been dating for three months to choose between me and another guy she just started seeing recently? | We had been seeing each other on a daily basis for three months- dates, movies, night caps, spooning, giving pet names, finishing each other's sentences - you know the whole thing.
We were pretty much "together" but I hadn't asked her to be exclusive yet. Mainly because I'm indecisive and still wasn't sure about her ex situation. I slowed it down for a week because I was very busy and out of no where she's seeing another guy.
she says she's unsure about what to do and wants me to give her time to choose. the problem is when she isn't with me I know she's with him and I think they're sleeping together. | I was reluctant in asking a beautiful women out, and now I'm competing with another guy. How long should I wait for her to figure this out? |
t3_1eqz6r | cats | Cat Obituaries | Yeah, let me start by saying I love cats. I have three of the little devils, and I love sharing pics, even if it makes other people feel uncomfortable. I love looking at pics of cats. I came here today to look at cute cats.
What I found was plenty of people creating an obituary for their dead cat. I myself have had cats pass away early because of illness. Down-vote me if you like, but I really can't stand looking at these. I expected to see some interesting cats, and instead I see someone pour their heart out over their deceased pet. This is truly a buzz-kill for me, as a cat-lover, because it makes me sad hearing about someones cat that died.
Let me just say, I can relate to you, but please find a different reddit to create a memoir for your passed on loved one. No disrespect intended, it just upsets me reading about sadness, especially when I expect to find pics of happy, adorable, kittens. Quite the opposite of sadness, indeed. | Cat obituaries on this reddit make me sad, and kind of turn me away. This should be a cheerful subreddit. |
t3_3wgvmb | relationships | Me [26 M] with my [29/F] ex, She drunkenly texted me that she still loves me and wants to get back together. She recently moved in with her new boyfriend. | I have zero intention of getting back with her. I dated her for 2 years, 2012-14 and its been a year since we broke up. She told me at the time we started dating that she was finalizing a divorce and had recently moved into an apartment with 2 room mates. For two years I respected her "space" and didnt ask too many (enough) questions. Turns out she was still living with him all along and had only recently filed for divorce after being married for less than three years. I broke up with her when she told me. Now a year later she has started living with a new boyfriend, and has recently sent me messages saying she "needs our love back" and wants to be together again, or at least have sex. She only says this on weekend nights, and is clearly drunk when she sends these messages. I am conflicted on whether I should clue her new guy in on it. I really dont want anything at all to do with her, which busting up her living/relationship situation will open me up to. I dont know this guy, and it sounds bad, but Im not super motivated to help out some stranger at the expense of my own comfort and convenience. I guess I'm looking for affirmation for inaction, or a convincing reason against it. | Ex who cheated on her husband with me is now divorced, living with a new boyfriend and wants to get back with me. Unsure whether to tell her new boyfriend |
t3_2yvnos | tifu | TIFU by Smashing A Sega Genesis That Isn't Mine (xpost from /r/TIFUGaming) | This actually started a week ago, but the fuck up happened today. A week ago, me and my friend swapped a few consoles, as we were bored with the ones we owned. The one related to the story is I swapped my Gamecube for a Sega Genesis. I play it for a few days, and then put it in a basket full of stuff of mine to be put in my basement for space, and it is set on top of a big stack of boxes.
Fast-forward to today, I decide I want to play said SG. I go to retrieve it from the box. I'm short, so I have to stand on a chair to put the basket on the boxes as well as get stuff out of it.
The only chair down there was a spinny chair. I think, "I've done this lots of times. What could go wrong?". **It went wrong**. As I reach up, standing almost on my tip-toes, hands on either side of the SG, the chair shifts to one side. This causes me to fall over a little bit, and let go of the SG and lean both hands onto a nearby box to stop my fall. As I do this, I hear something smash on the floor of the basement. I turn around and sure enough, the Sega Genesis is lying on the floor of the basement, fragments of the SG all over the floor.
Did I mention the basement floor is carpeted concrete?
Didn't take any photos, and instead called my friend and told him what happened. So I now have to buy a new/used Sega Genesis, which will be hard considering I don't have a lot of money. | Traded a console for Sega Genesis with friend, put it on top of boxes in basement, went to play it, dropped it on a carpeted cement floor. |
t3_vuo8c | AskReddit | I released a free app on the App Store and published the code under the GPL. Now someone has rebranded an old release of my code and they're selling it for $0.99. Is there anything I can do to prevent people from wasting their money on the other app? | A while back my teammate and I wrote a free and open source [KeePass] client for the iPhone called [MiniKeePass] A few weeks ago a new app named SyncPass showed up on the App Store that is a rebranded old version of our app and they're charging $0.99 for it.
I don't think he's breaking the GPL technically, but I'd hate for anyone to waste their money on an outdated version of my app. We have no ads or revenue model for MiniKeePass, so it's not like I'm just concerned about losing money since we're not making any. I just don't want potential users to waste their money when they could have the most current version of our app for free from us.
Is there anything I can do to prevent people from spending money on SyncPass when they're just a copy of my app that's free? | I wrote a free app and GPLed the code. Someone is now selling a rebranded copy and I don't want people to waste their money. |
t3_2fji9j | tifu | TIFU so much. | For the past few days I've been hanging out with this girl, lets call her Alexia. So Alexia and I are getting to the point, and pretty quickly she wants to go for it. I find out mid penetration that she's a virgin. A way too tight virgin. Finding this out, I think "hey, I can't let her down. Need to try to get her to enjoy her first time." alas, no such luck. She leaves after a while because my roommate barged in, both of us unsatisfied. I end up browsing reddit for about an hour before I get up to go piss. I feel something weird in my right testicle, so I feel it. I proceed to pass out, dropping everything (phone, etc) on the ground. I get back up promptly, and continue to the bathroom. I run into someone brushing his teeth and go to the toilet. Cue passing out a second time, very briefly. At this point I decide I need to seek medical attention. An ambulance is called. Only to have them tell me it's a waste of money and I should take a taxi. They bill me almost $200 for that alone. I then end up going to the hospital for an end diagnosis of, essentially, "sleep it off." | had sex, strained my balls, passed out a bit, went to hospital and incurred a bunch of costs for no reason. |
t3_21ce2w | relationships | Me [21 M] with my girlfriend[20 F] of 5 months, she's during crazy exam month, requesting tons of space, reasonable? | Hey all,
I am currently working about 1 hour away from my girlfriend, who is still in school. I have a car, so I am very mobile. Normally I go back every weekend, and we spend a good deal of time. I know that this is prime socializing time (to hang out with her friends etc.), so I always try to make it easy for her to deny me coming. For example, I always ask if there's any parties/plans, and if she has any, encourage her to go to them. So far, she seems to care for me a great deal, and almost always prefers to hang out with me.
But that's changed. Her exam weeks are coming up, and she seems to be very stressed. She's very school focused, so I am giving her alot of space. I reduced my visits to 2 days every two weeks. However, it seems to not be enough, and she has demanded no visits for the next 4 weeks until her exams are over.
I requested that perhaps we can have a single two hour date during this 4 weeks time, but she refused to compromise. Now I know I may be pushy, but last week (the first week of these 4 weeks), she went to two parties: a 9 hour one for St. patties, and a 4 hour one at a club. I stated if she really had no time, she would have not been able to go to these parties. She responds that St. Patrick's Day is a unique holiday, and the club party was because her best girlfriend got into a huge fight with her bf and needed to feel better.
It's hard to confront her on these two parties because it's easy for me to sound like I'm trying to control her, which I really do not want to. Tell me reddit, am I being controlling or clingy? Or is she being unreasonable with the amount of space she's requesting? | GF is very busy with exams, does not want to see me for 4 weeks straight. I offer a single 2 hour date for the whole week, refused. |
t3_18ma3h | offmychest | Trying to deal with leftover bad feelings... | When I was in college, I became friends with this girl, A. We were really close and became close with another girl, B. After a while, B got a SO and stopped talking to us. A is really bitter and likes to talk about people behind their backs, and proceeded to do so. We drifted from B, mostly because I listened to what A said and just tried to avoid confrontation. A and I moved into a place with a bunch of people, and she proceeded to be a horrendous bitch. The stuff she pulled was beyond low, and I still have horrible nightmares about living with her where I wake up panicking. She shit talked everyone, turned everyone against each other, took over half the house, threw fits, and basically made the apartment super stressful.
So we politely kicked her out. She proceeded to shit talk all of us nonstop, and of course went running back to B. Fast forward to years later, and I'm living very far away. They are the furthest things from my mind, except for my occasional sweaty moments where I remember how stressed out I was at that time and how terrible I always felt and how she always talked me into the dumbest shit.
B is talking to a couple mutual friends I barely talk to, but I think about how I'd like to be her friend again. We used to collaborate on projects and it was really fun, but I was told A is still really close to her...TOTALLY not worth it.
But I find myself mourning the loss of our friendship. I know I'm basically talked up as an ass by A to her, there's no question. So...I'm just trying to move on from these people halfway across the country and I'm trying to not have panic attacks every time I think about what a shitty person A is. It gets easier, but there are still moments.
And now that is OFF MY CHEST. Thank you!!! | Became friends with an ultra bitch in college. She pretty much stole away a friend, kinda missing her. Not worth it. |
t3_2hieea | tifu | TIFU by being an Archer. | This actually happened today. Do i get a virtual cookie or something? Anyway.
So my university holidays just started, and I'll get a week off, which is pretty cool.
So I went to the local hardware store and bought some compressed mulch and set up my bow, grabbed some arrows and went out to dust the spiderwebs out of my arms.
1st arrow in and everything seems to be going well. No creaking and the arrow is only slightly off center.
8 arrows later and I'm drawing another arrow, and just before I can anchor to my cheek, Bang!
Suddenly I can't see through my right eye and my face feels oddly painful. The bottom limb split right down the center, and the arrow that was on the bowstring is snapped in half on the concrete floor about 5 meters away.
My warranty expired about 3 months ago. | got excited about being able to get back to archery on my holidays, broke my bow and got facially assaulted by fiberglass and wood. |
t3_3umv1w | relationships | Me [23/F] with guy I've been on one date[26 M/F] , he is being clingy and I don't know how to communicate it. Help? | Long story short, I've been on a date with a guy and it went well , but the texts after, not so much.
He became very insistant , I has to ask twice to stop texting so much on sunday because I wanted some quiet time on my own and would not have my cellphone with me.
The first date was on a saturday, and since it went well I told him we could see each other the following saturday... but he kept pushing to see me everyday, managed to know what I was doing from mutual friends and tried to invite himself.
To give you an example I told him I would lay off the phone because I was visiting my dad and he kept insisting that I go see him afterward, while he knew I said no once, that I live quite a distance away and had work the next morning. By the end of the night I was thinking to myself '' noooooooo, argh!! '' when my phone buzzed.
He shoots 3-4 texts in a row all day long (I work 9 -17h30) and I had to tell him I would not be answering.
Finaly I told him it was too much texts for me so he's now calling instead.
I feel like a bitch for raising his hopes with a good date and being turned off by the end of the week ....
What can I do to make it more clear that this is WAY too much for me ?
It makes me a little sad because he is not a bad person but he completly kills it by this behavior, I feel like I've stuck my arm in a big machine.. | Guy who had potential is completely smothering me and I don't know how to ask him to cool down a bit without having to cut him off so soon . |
t3_swk1v | AskReddit | It's 2AM and my immature, childish roommate went batshit crazy and left, what are some crazy roommate stories you fellow Redditors have? | Back story, I asked my 18 year old "best friend" to move in with me and my husband, all was awesome and peachy for like 2 weeks. Mind you her mother apparently has done *everything* for her, her entire life. She doesn't have a clue what house work is, thinks it's perfectly safe to fly out of state alone with a dude she met from the internet and is just generally selfish and thinks the world revolves around her, she got pissed at me when she got a job and I told her that it may still be a good idea to look around for a higher paying job so she should look around for a higher pay and more hours so she could have more money for herself VS having to pay everything in bills. Then for the past few days she's been a total bitch, having an attitude over EVERYTHING me or my husband says. I mean straight up make you want to punch the wall (or her face) attitude tone in her voice. Me and my husband quickly got fed up with it. So tonight her lighter was sitting on the kitchen counter because my husband had borrowed it and she was like "Is that **MY** lighter" to which my husband says "I guess, if it was the one of the coffee table.." and she says "Well that's MY lighter" with this horrible stank ass attitude and my husband lost it, told her to get out and went to grab her stuff, I diffused the situation but when I tried to explain to her how her attitude came across she wasn't having it and just said she "wasn't ready to live on her own" even though she'd told me twenty minutes prior that she was responsible enough to fly out of state on her own to meet a complete stranger. And basically flips her shit, started yelling, told me I was selfish and refused to listen to ANYTHING I had to say, threatened to stab my husband with a swiss army knife if he "came at her again" then she calls her aunt at TWO AM, packs her shit and leaves.
So any of you guys have similar roommate horror stories? | Sheltered, naive, roommate has bad attitude for weeks, husband finally gets mad, roomie goes crazy, threatens to stab my husband, packs her shit and leaves after yelling like a crazy person at 2 in the morning. |
t3_pafx7 | relationships | Fight/resentment cycle putting dangerous strain on relationship- take a break or keep fighting? | 20 year old female in a relationship of over half a year with a 21 year old male. It was going great until I fucked up and managed to bring out a ton of resentment from my bf. The root of the problem is that I have not done enough that is solely to make him happy- loving him should be motivation enough to do that, right? I have no solid explanation for why, even after multiple arguments over this, I did not follow through with love notes, cards, etc. until things got really bad. This issue is causing so much tension in our relationship.
The more that we argue about this, the more I question my feelings for my boyfriend. I know that I do love him, but I'm growing resentful towards him as well. I spend many weekends away from my college (he's in school a 2-hour bus ride away) and feel like I am losing touch with my friends here because of it. Not only that, but I now feel guilty if I continue to do things for myself, like spend money (given to me by family for an event, mind you) on clothes that I will enjoy. The more resentful I feel, the more often we fight (often with me picking them after avoiding him), and the less I want to do special things for him.
He has continued to stress that I need to make up for what I have not been doing and that if I do not he will break up with me. I don't want to lose him, as he is one of the only people who has ever truly loved me, but I am unsure that I can really fix this while I feel so awful. Would it be wrong of me to suggest that we take a break? I am afraid that doing so might just destroy our relationship faster than I already am on my own, but I don't think that I can fight for this relationship much longer. | 20F fighting constantly with 21M bf over main issue of showing love as well as smaller things. Cycle of fighting causes resentment- wondering if a break would help or hurt. |
t3_3dhgcw | relationships | Me [24 M] with my friend [23 F], concerned she may have an eating disorder. | Hey everyone, thanks for taking a look. Basically I've been seeing a friend for the better part of 7-8 months. We meet each other for dinner/movie/coffee probably every three weeks or so. We get along quite well and I consider her a pretty good friend, we also share many similar interests.
So here's the thing, she really likes food and I mean *really* likes food. This is all cool but, sometimes the amount she eats is just astonishing. I'm a pretty tall guy (around 190cm or 6"3) and she can comfortably finish triple what I eat in a single sitting. However every time that we go out for dinner, I notice that it's followed by a particularly long bathroom break (sometimes it will be the second time she visits the ladies room in that evening also). She is not overweight at all, she said she used to be when she was younger but lost most of it within the past 5 years, I would consider her to have a pretty healthy appearance, which completely contradicts the amount of food she is capable of consuming.
Because of this, I am a little worried she may have an eating disorder; she has admitted to having self-esteem issues which extends beyond her physical appearance, she often feels she is bad at everything or that there is nothing interesting about her. Of course I try and provide evidence of this clearly not being true but she finds some way to undermine the facts I state.
Obviously I'm concerned about her immediate health, I don't know if it's my place to bring it up but if there's anything I can do I'd really like to know. Regarding the self-esteem problems, what are some more ways that I can show her that she is truly a great person? | I'd like to know if there could be an eating disorder, is it my place to be concerned and is there anything I can do to help with self-esteem problems? |
t3_4spqwg | relationships | How do I ease my [28/M] Wife's [27/F] feelings regarding lack of appreciation from my family? | Wife and I married for 1 year (just) and together for close to 12! Real big troubles recently where she feels very under appreciated for the things she does for my family. For example, my close family (mum, dad, sister) will get her a birthday card and/or present by my extended family, which is quite large, often will not. She wants me to say something about it but how do you've enjoyed bring up something like that? Or am I overthinking this and I should ask them outright why they do not?
She also looked after my niece for at least 1 whole day a week (8am -5pm) for a LONG period of time but has told me recently that she felt like I should have said something as they were taking advantage. Here I was thinking that she was happy to do it but now tells me she only did it because she was made to feel guilty and that I should have noticed this and said something about it. Now I have apologised for not noticing but also told her that she's quite capable of saying no when needed.
A lot of her feelings stem from her feelings that it's unfair that some people in my family get their kids taken care of by others more or they get given more whereas I'm more focused on making the most of what little we can do as a family of our own (2 kids) with what we have.
Any advice appreciated on how to deal with situations like this. I am not a confrontational person and prefer to keep peace at all costs but looks like I might have to start some fires. | wife feels unappreciated by my family, how do I tell them without causing too much ruckus but easing my wife's feelings. |
t3_tnfy7 | AskReddit | In high school and conflicted, please help? | Hey AskReddit,
I'm currently in high school, almost out, and the time has come for me to pick a college and a plan for my life. The only problem is that I still have nearly no idea what the hell I want to do with my life.
My mom told me not to worry about cost, that she'll pay for all of it and we've made a plan for me to pay it back once I'm up on my feet and working. With that though comes the problem. She wants me to become a lawyer and I...well don't.
I realize that I'm still finding myself; trying to answer the life-long questions of who I am, who I someday hope to be and who I don't want to be no matter what. And it's not like I don't want to be a lawyer, I'm actually good at it (Mock trials in class) but I don't think it's what I want to do for the rest of my life.
Mom has made it very clear that I am going to college and nothing I do or say will change that.
The overall problem here is that I feel obliged to become what she wants me to be because she will be paying for my schooling. I've tried talking to her about it with no avail. I have also talked with my high school councilor who basically told me to not break ties with my mother, but do what I want.
I have no idea what to do anymore. Please give me some advice. | ? Mom's paying for my college and wants me to be a lawyer, I don't really want to but I feel obligated. |
t3_1f5y0o | relationships | How to let SO [20f] know about my [21m] concerns over her weight? | My SO of over a year has been making comments recently about how she's been gaining weight...yet is reluctant to do anything about it. She loves to eat and isn't so big on exercise. I personally don't see her weight as a concern for now...but I'm worried in the future she'll continue to gain more and more. Equally worrying to me is that she has just gotten a job at a restaurant where she's encouraged to "get to know the menu" and try all of the (generally unhealthy) dishes. I've prodded her about exercising more but I feel she is hurt by my comments. I've offered to exercise with her but she always pushes it aside. What's the best way to go about this sensitive topic (ladies advice in particular)?? | SO knows about own weight gain but is reluctant to do anything about it. What is the best way to support her and help her get in better shape? |
t3_zyg5z | AskReddit | Is there anything significant that you regret not doing? (Raped at age 15) | I was raped at the age of 15 and never told my family when it happened.
I did call the police who then notified the FBI because I refused to cooperate and admit to my parents/family what happened. I told them if they told them I would refuse to cooperate and acknowledge that what I said did in fact happen because I was scared and ashamed.
They couldn't force me to do what they wanted, so they did a sting operation on the internet and got the guy who raped me by impersonating as a young boy in a Yahoo chat room. He got 35 years in prison once he was convicted.
If I had told my parents and went ahead with the police to get the guy who raped me, he most likely would have gotten the death penalty because it happened in the state of Louisiana.
To this day, I regret not moving forward and telling my parents what happened and putting the creep away myself. At the age of 21 I did tell one family member who actually asked me if it was my father who raped me. I was shocked by this however, and she has not told anyone else as I asked her to keep it between us. | My partner and close friends know about the rape and just 1 member of my family (Grandma). I never pursued the my rapist. |
t3_4bdhut | relationships | I [28/f] wonder if I have unreasonable expectations of my [30/m] husband. | Okay, the title probably sucks. I'm not exactly sure how to explain my problem.
Lets begin with the basic background details. My husband [30/m] and I [28/f] have been together for eleven and a half years, and we've been married for the last seven of those years. We have a 6 month old child. We are polyamorous, we both have other partners besides each other.
My question is dealing with a very specific instance; last night my husband said he'd like to go out with a new girl he's interested in. She was in the area, just going for a drive, and she'd swing by to pick him up. I didn't see a problem, baby was asleep and I was going to be heading to bed soon myself. I did, however, ask him if he'd be home tonight. (He'd just spent the weekend at his partner's place) He said 'yes'.
Is it unreasonable that I expected him home before 6 or 7am? I know its early spring and where we live its still dark at 7am... but still... 7 am is morning, right? Not as he put it "the middle of the night".
The middle of the night is like... 3 or 4 am... after that it really stops being night and starts being morning... at least that's how I see it. Is it unreasonable that I'm grumpy about this? | Husband goes out late and says he'd be back 'tonight', is it unreasonable to have expected him home before 6 am? |
t3_2s4xcl | relationships | I[22m] met someone [21f] on new years. We had 2 dates and the second one she stayed over. I just broke up with her and she is saying I was just using her for sex. | I met this girl at a new years party at my house. She's very nice and smart. We talked the whole night. We went on a date that weekend that ended in sex(she suggested). And a second date this passed friday. She stayed at my house and we were together most of Saturday. She asked a lot of questions and sounded like she wanted something serious with longevity. She put the relationship up on Facebook and for some reason that made me uncomfortable. I called her and told her I don't think we're looking for the same thing and she says I was just trying to have sex and leave. Am I an asshole? | we have 2 dates,both end in sex. I decide I'm not interested. She accuses me of using her for sex. |
t3_1fzyd9 | relationship_advice | [19/m] My girlfriend (18/f) broke up with me saying she needs independence | So me and my girlfriend have been dating for two years now (with a 3 month break due to a bad fight) and the other day we got into a little fight and she called me saying she doesn't want to be with me right now.
She said the spark was gone and things aren't like they used to be before we took the 3 month break (understandable, because it is true, although things are only slightly different). But she also said she wants independence and I have no idea what that means. It's not like she's confined to just being with me as we live an hour drive apart from eachother (I moved about a year and a half into the relationship, against my power).
Any help what my girlfriend actually wants and how long I will be waiting for until she comes back? (if she does). I just asked her how long she thinks it will be and she said "months". I want to wait for her, but I'm terrified of her losing feelings for me and then I will have to go through sadness one more time. | Girlfriend broke up with me, said she needs independence, no clue what that means, what am I waiting for and how long will I be waiting? |
t3_1khrdl | relationships | My[23F] boyfriend [30M] asks me not to break up with him- help me figure out why this bothers me so much. | My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 months now. We have a great relationship- he's kind, considerate, and fun. Like any couple, we have our disagreements, and sometimes those disagreements turn into fights. Even when we fight, though, we fight fair. We usually both vent, spend a few hours apart, then text to discuss how we feel, what we want the other person to work on, etc.
Here's the thing- while we're working out our whatever the issue is, he always sends texts saying, "Please don't break up with me," or, "Please don't leave me." For the first few months, my heart would break, and I'd just assure him that wouldn't happen. It's just a stupid fight, after all- nothing worth breaking up over.
As it continued to happen, though, it started bothering me, and I can't articulate why. He says it after we've reconciled/begun the reconciliation process, so it's not that he's manipulating me into admitting I'm wrong or ending the fight. Our fights are never something worth breaking up over, and we fight so fairly and respectfully that I can't imagine he really thinks we'll break up over it.
For example, last night we fought because, during a debate, he wasn't listening to any points I was making, but instead interrupting me halfway through what I was saying and telling me I was wrong. I felt disrespected, and I accused him of thinking he's smarter than me/ that I'm dumb. Nothing earth-shattering. And yet, when I got a text after we'd made up asking me please not to dump him, I felt like he's hitting below the belt. I just can't figure out why. Any ideas, Reddit? | When we get in fights, my boyfriend always asks me not to break up with him AFTER we've already made up. This bothers me, but I can't articulate why. Please help so I can explain it to him! |
t3_vjv9q | AskReddit | For over ten years, my life was completely out of whack | For much of my adult life, I had no idea what was wrong with me. I was unmotivated and depressed. I was fired from job after job for reasons ranging from answering my cell phone to accidentally destroying a fifty thousand dollar machine. Life was a haze and I didn't know what to do about it. I was ambitious but nothing ever seemed to work out. When I finally held on to a job for long enough to get health coverage, things started to change quickly. First I was diagnosed with diabetes- then with hypothyroidism. I am medicated for both of these conditions now but am still burdened with all of the failures that went before. Now that I have cleared up at least some of the underlying issues, I would like to try to live up to my potential. However, with bad employment history, worse credit, and mediocre grades in college (though I do have my Bachelor's) I am anxious and discouraged at the thought of explaining all of this in an interview. I would like to go to graduate school eventually. I wonder though if the medical factors are enough to reassure a skeptical interviewer that I am an intelligent, motivated, and competent person? | I had a series of failures earlier in my life, and then found out that I had some untreated illnesses which contributed. How do I move on? |
t3_3jafh9 | tifu | TIFU By telling my wife I had an Ashley Madison account | This didn't happen years ago, it happened about 30 seconds ago. She was telling me how some news report said that most of the ten million people on Ashley Madison were men, so I laughed and said, "Shoot, I think I had one from a long time ago."
Immediately she turns icy on me and mutters to herself, "Gee, that makes me feels good."
To which I reply, "It was years ago, before I even knew you."
And she says, "Well they only opened a few years ago so...."
At this point I didn't know how to respond, because IF i did, it had been so long ago I seriously don't remember. Thanks to a Wikipedia search, I found out it was founded in 2001, and we met in 2004 or 2005, so technically I'm right. Right now we're playing the silent game, where we don't talk at all, wondering if I should give her shit for it or if I should try to kiss her ass... No, I'm going to give her shit for it. | I may or may not have opened an Ashley Madison account years ago, told my wife cause I thought it was funny, she got pissed. |
t3_jrfpj | dating_advice | Met a girl in an acting class, found her pretty interesting. Learned that she works where I do. Should I ask her out ? | First things first: I am a somewhat socially awkward male geek, I am 25 years old and a virgin (now you know why). I have never dated anyone, never been touched or hugged in a sexual way, never been with a woman.
So there is this girl I met in an acting class that I am taking for the summer. I instantly liked this girl and was bowled over by her nice qualities. She is a superb actor herself but the way she treats the novices in the class, is just mind blowing. So in short, I started to like this *really nice* girl and was wondering when and how to ask her out. **But more importantly, I have abso-fucking-lutely no idea if she is single or not.**. Heck, for all I know she even might be married.
I don't know even if it would be ok to ask her out at the first place. The real reason I am scared is because if she says 'No' then I need to see her every week during the class, and also possibly during Fall where I shall be taking the next higher level of the acting course.
But a few days back, I learned that she works in the same place where I have a summer job. So would it be improper to ask her out to lunch of these days? What should I do ? Never felt so helpless before. | Met a girl in an acting class, found her pretty interesting. Learned that she works where I do. Should I ask her out ? Have no idea if she is single or not. |
t3_1ur2ps | relationships | Me 17F with my boyfriend 16M, dating less than a week, and he told me he loves me. | I have only been dating my boyfriend for 6 days, and I have elaborate trust issues he knows about.
Before we starting dating, I told him I wasn't looking for something very serious, emotionally or physically. Now he tells me if I had come to visit today, he was planning on telling me he loved me.
I definitely don't feel the same way, but I'm not sure if I should go looking for the relationship I want and break it off with him, or hold out in a relationship with a guy I don't like in the hopes that I'll soon develop feelings for him, if I just give it time? I do really like him, but I don't love him. | My boyfriend told me he loves me, and I don't feel the same way. Should I break it off, or hope that I develop feelings once I get over trust issues? |
t3_cx1f9 | AskReddit | Reddit: Whats your best story involving overcoming a annoying nieghbor? | My Story: Had a annoying nieghbor who would go around the apartments trying to get everyone on his side so when others disagree, he'd, through lies ofcourse told to his followers, send the nieghbors on a mass trolling expedition to oust the one who refused to follow. It was interesting watching him run around like a drama junkie spreading gossip to everyone about someone who refused to listen. Finally when it became apparent to the bad nieghbor that I would not nor ever play his games, the fury was unleashed on me. I guess when nieghbors saw me walking to my apartment preceding to freak out and bolt for indoors, they thought they were punishing me or something. To me, it was heaven! | Nieghbor creates mass trolling army of rental lease destruction to crush his opponents who waver before him, but his army's passive aggressive ways fail to make their mark.* |
t3_nx9bx | dating_advice | Talk me into giving up the hope of the perfect girl | so, long story short, I (17/M) haven't been doing too well with dating in my short time of involvement. I know girls around me are interested (i.e. flirting, wanting to hang out in 1-on-1 situations, even calling me "cute" in a serious tone) however I've never actually taken the next steps.
So, after a little bit of soul searching, I think I've settled on the reason; I keep holding on to the glimmer of the hope that a relationship with literally the most amazing girl in my life is still possible. Basically, I think that I'm subconsciously sabotaging dating with other girls in the hopes that things with the perfect one will eventually work out.
Don't think there's any hyperbole here, by the way, when i say perfect, i mean PERFECT. She's probably the nicest girl I've ever met, sharp as a tack, an avid debater (which is a significant plus for me), absolutely beautiful (as in, like, Disney princess beautiful), and, in all honesty, the only girl I've ever met who I legitimately felt like I could spend the rest of my life with.
I recently admitted, in an albeit apathetic, non-caring manner, that I liked her, though I didn't spill my heart out to say the least. The response from her was almost as apathetic as my initial statement was, no disgust and no massive outpouring of feelings.
From what I hear from our mutual friends, there's really no reason why the relationship wouldn't work, but, alas, it hasn't.
Unfortunately, one of the "other" girls I know Invited me over for New Years Eve, and would appear in no small terms to have a pretty massive interest in a relationship with me. I really wan't to get into a casual relationship with her, but my remaining feelings for the "perfect" girl have pretty much put the kibosh on that.
So, the question is, how do you talk me into giving up the hope of getting the perfect girl, and into settling for others? | harbored feelings for the "perfect" girl getting in the way of casual relationships, how do I get rid of said harbored feelings? |
t3_2xfra2 | relationships | My [20F] mother [43] keeps dating persons she shouldn't | Hi ! First, I'm french and on my cellphone, sorry for any typos.
My mom just got out of a 4 years relationship two weeks ago with my ex-FIL. The relationship itself was kinda bad. In their 4 years of relation, ex-FIL worked, in total, something like 6 or 7 months. So he basically never really worked, all he was doing was sleeping on the couch and watching TV on the same couch everyday. E.v.e.r.y.d.a.y. He wasn't helping at all with the chores around the house, and they were ALWAYS arguing about that. He said that I was the one who should do the housework because I was "never doing it". I am working 25h/week and going to college, while doing the laundry, keeping the whole basement clean, doing the dishes, etc. He is my father's cousin.
I never saw my parents together, they are seperated for over 19 years, so it wasn't THAT weird to see my mom and my father's cousin together, even if I think it's wrong. Anyway, after 6 months of not paying his rent, my mother decided it was over.
My mother is way too nice to others. But sometimes I think she is doing the wrong thing with her kindness. For example, last week, my ex-FIL told her he didn't have no money, so she decided to buy and give him plenty of things, like plates, glasses, untensils, etc. and she did his groceries! I told her that after all the shit he had done, I wouldn't even talk to him!
We work for the same company but in different towns, and today I called her and asked her what she was doing tonight.
She's now on a date with the father of my sister's ex-boyfriend. It's been two weeks since she's done with my father's cousin. She told me to not tell my sister [22F]. My sister's ex-bf also doesn't know.
What am I supposed to do? | Mother is dating the father of my sister's ex-boyfriend two weeks after being in a four year relationship with my father's cousin. |
t3_e4lvu | AskReddit | I need advice from anyone in the art/advertising fields. I'm on course to being an art director and I'm good enough for it. | EDIT: Should say "I'm *not* good enough for it"
In college for some reason I studied Mass Communication with a focus in advertising. I've worked at a few ad agencies doing internships and I've always enjoyed the creative side of it. Now I have a full-time job as a production artist at an ad agency, and I'm on the path with the company to becoming an art director.
The problem is, I'm not sure if I'm really cut out for it. I got in to advertising originally because I like concepts and relating ideas, and the art is more a means of expressing it. The more I've looked into it though, I find that there isn't much of a position for people to just facilitate ideas, it's mostly art directors and production.
I don't want to be stuck behind a computer my whole life doing production, and I don't think I'm some revolutionary artist. I don't like constantly worrying about my portfolio or making new designs. I mean I love art and visual design, but I don't wake up each day with new concepts that I need to bring to life.
Should I get out of this business? | I've spent the last few years focusing on doing creative work, but now I realize I'm not really that creative. |
t3_2zbbsf | personalfinance | Budgeting for inexperienced medical student | Hey everyone, I'm an MS1 (first year medical student) in the states. Never really had a financially savvy person in my life, so looking for feedback/advice.
Fortunately for me, I have my hundreds of thousands of dollars of tuition covered via the Military route, as well as exactly $2,000 dollars (after taxes/net) for a stipend per month.
My rent/utilities is $1048 per month, car insurance $125 (no car payment), groceries close to $250 and other (phone, gas, parking, girlfriend/money-succubus) is about $300
I have $20,000 in savings and another $10,000 in a Roth IRA. Overall, my budgeting gets me REALLY close to the stipend amount. Just looking to see if anyone had insight as to budget better, or if I should just continue what I'm doing until I graduate in ~3 years and start making more professional level money. | No debt. $20,000 savings - Make $24,000 per year, but spend close to that just to live. Any insight? |
t3_3l5dnq | relationships | My wife [31/F] of 3 years has informed me [29/M] that she is pregnant. We have an unusual sexual relationship and i'm worried the baby may not be mine. | My wife has recently had two positive home pregnancy tests and one GP confirmed pregnancy test. I'm excited at the prospect of becoming a father for the first time but due to our sexual relationship there's a significant risk that the child may not genetically be mine. I need to be able to tell her this and potentially I may ultimately need a genetic test to confirm I am indeed the father. I don't however want to give her unnecessary stress and I want her to know I am here to support her. Unfortunately no close friends know this side of our life and I really don't want to tell them so i'm turning here for advice. How do I approach this? | My wife is pregnant, I may not be the father, I want to question this status but in a non-threatening way. How do I do so? |
t3_1qjzvx | relationships | Girlfriend (19f) canceled Disneyland trip with me (19m) to go to cabin with friends and now I want her to cancel her spring break trip so we can go. | Okay so me and my girlfriend have been in a ldr for about 2 and a half months and we see each other about every other week. We made plans a few weeks ago to go on a disneyland trip over winter break. It was her idea. Come this weekend she decides to cancel on me, because her friends she sees 3 times a year came and wanted her to go to a cabin with them for 5 days. It really upset me, because she knows I never go anywhere and she knew how I excited I got for it.
Now over spring break she plans on going either to mexico or so cal for a few days with friends she sees as much as me, but it's not really set in stone. I feel like going on a spring break trip is really only that fun if your single and the whole time shes gone I'm going to be worried. Her canceling on me also makes me feel like it's alright to cancel on me, but not her friends. I want to ask her if she can cancel with friends to go with me, but I feel like I'm being selfish. And also I feel like I'll be hurt if she doesn't. | Girlfriend cancels trip with me, so I want her to cancel a trip so we can do what we said we were going to d. |
t3_16cxti | AskReddit | I Just Got Robbed By the Police. Any Advice? | I got a call tonight, my friend is in jail. The bond set at $250.
I went down to the jail, and was told to pay $250 to bail him out.
I gave them the money, and was told to wait.
A few minutes later, they called me back up to the window.
They then told me that my friend was "not bondable."
When I asked them for my money back, they told me that since it was already put on his books, they couldn't give it back.
What?
You told me the deal ($250 an your friend gets bonded).
I lived up to my end of the deal.
You then tell me you can't live up to your end of the deal, but you can't refund my money.
Isn't this, by definition, theft by deception?
What the fuck?
Any advice or insight would be appreciated. | Paid $250 to bail out a friend, then told he can't be bailed and I can't have my money back |
t3_54r7k4 | dating_advice | [M20] I am really bad at picking up signals | So I am studying to become an English teacher and there is this girl in my class whom I fancy. Now I talked about this to one of girl friends just so I could hear a woman's point or view. However, she wants me to stop talking about it since every little thing the girl does, I ask to my friend if it's a signal that she likes me. I'm so bad picking up signals that it's driving me crazy.
I've been in the same class as this girl for 4 weeks now so I think it might be a little bit too early to ask her out. My point of this post is: is there anything I can do to make sure something a girl does or says, is a signal for liking me? Else I might go insane in the near future. | there is a girl I fancy and I don't know if she is sending me signals or if I hope there are signals. |
t3_4ksq7g | relationships | I (25/m) am considering calling it quits in my long distance relationship with my girlfriend (20/f) of two years | I have been in a relationship with a girl I met two years ago who lives across the world. We have been able to see each other a few times and everything has been great so far. However, she has some hang ups about some important issues such as the fact that she doesn't want children and I do. That itself has caused a few potential break up moments but we have always recovered. Though it does still bother me a lot.. In addition she doesn't want to get married or move in together for a number of years due to her being so young. She also does not want to move to my country.. Sort of. She says she would like to bounce back and forth from country to country which I believe is pretty improbable and unrealistic unless we both make a good amount of money and somehow have jobs that allow us to travel.
Being that she is 20 years old, she will be entering college soon, and plans on going to med school as well. Therefore, we will continue to be separated from one another for a number of years to come..
Again due to her age, I am afraid that she will meet someone at college as most people do, and either cheat on me or leave me (I am super jealous. Sorry can't help it.)
My friends all caution me to end it, as they all believe that these two things are extremely likely. They all agree that I should be pursuing someone older who is closer and not potentially waste my life waiting on a girl who may not even go the distance.
Now I am not proud of this, but I met someone at a nearby bar who seems like a good match for me. She is 28 has a good job, great body, and is already finished her masters degree.
We spent some time together and have been texting for some time too.
At this point I'm seriously questioning whether or not it's the right choice to continue trying to make this long distance thing work especially with the obvious challenges that lie ahead.. Or just throw in the towel and begin trying to date this girl who lives nearby or even if that doesn't work out.. Find a different girl.
Help? | my girlfriend lives across the world and I don't know if I want to continue a long distance relationship for several more years. Met a girl. Seems great. Considering ending the long distance relationship. |
t3_2vvy3p | relationships | I [20M] noticed an intimate text pop up on my girlfriend's [21M] phone by some guy. We've been together four months. | Its valentines and I'm in a hotel with her. I was trying to take the charging cable for my iPhone as she was at 50% and I was real low. As I'm about to grab it, I noticed a text pop up on her phone. It came from a "Marc" and it said something along the lines of "we can stay in bed all day" followed by a heart sign and exclamation marks. She noticed me look at her phone and checked it, saying "What? That's not meant for me". She then looked curiously at her phone and fiddled with her phone slightly frantically.
I pretended like I didn't know anything and just went to lay down on the bed. She snuggle up against me and tried kissing me several times, to which I pretended I was tired. She said she was gonna take a shower (she's in right now) and went up to fuck with her phone some more. She then turned it off and went to shower.
I'm trembling right now. I want to trust her. Maybe it's some creep. I don't know. I love her. It's fucking Valentine's Day. Why would she do that? what do I do... If it's any help, she's admitted to me before that she has a really low self esteem and I'm really bad at texting or communicating with her. We don't talk on the phone, we just prefer to talk in person ( we live two hours away) | GF recieves intimate text, claims it wasn't meant for her and frantically deletes it. Turns off phone after fiddling with it, even though it's charged. |
t3_1ecad4 | personalfinance | My mom's life insurance and will | My mom just called me and let me know that she was changing her life insurance and will. In the event that both of my parents pass away at the same time, all of their assets will become mine and I will be asked to divide this money up between my sisters and I.
To begin, I am extremely humbled that my mom chose to do this. She told me it is because I am "better at money" than she is, and I will know what to do. On the other hand, this raises some concerns for me. She told me that she would be placing her will in a safe and where the key and safe were located.
I'm trying to help her come up with ways that she wants the money distributed... in words. In her head, she knows what she wants, but it is difficult for her to put it into words. I believe I know exactly what my mom would want, but I'd like to have my sisters know that I am just "following" mom's wishes.
Family Dynamics:
Dad: 43, on the verge of a heart-attack. Has yo-yo dieted his whole life and has lost/gained 100+ pounds more than 10 times, very money smart, very much a self-made "well off" guy.
Mom: 39, very healthy, very controlling, Spent most of her life as a SAHM, but is now an RN
Me: Oldest of three girls, 23, married, college education, own my own house, decent job, already almost out of debt.
Sister 1: 19, Not on good terms with the family due to her poor life choices, her dead-beat husband and father of her newborn, She is not mature for her age and squanders money when she gets it.
Sister 2: 14, will likely have much of college to pay for on her own or with earned scholarships/not need based.
I'm sure my mom wants something like, "Sister 1 can have "X" amount of money if "y". If not "Y", then she can have "x"amount of money when she reaches a certain age. How can I best help my mom write out this "will". | Mom is writing a will and I will have to implement it. How can we best write out the wording so that others receiving money will feel that I best acted on mom's wishes? |
t3_3kzqqn | relationship_advice | Ive (23F) met this guy (24M) at a party and im so confused about our relationship because of how he acts in person versus over the phone/text | So I haven't been in a committed relationship since 5 years ago but I've gone on multiple dates and seen some guys for a but but never as serious as the one 5 years ago. The guy I'm seeing now is a great and caring guy in person, and we act like a couple when were together but when it comes to communicating over the phone like texting our relationship might as well be just casual friends. It usually goes on for a bit, then he stops randomly when I'm expecting an answer. I feel like because we aren't an actual couple that I'm being too paranoid and hurt for his lack of text or call, but at the same time I just want to stop it because I want someone to call and text me and still hang out all the while as a couple. I just want to know how I can ask him why he doesn't text or call without being seen as creepy or clingy | am I being too obsessive over him not showing enough care through long distance communication. If not, how should I go about it and ask? |
t3_3io0o9 | relationships | 21[m] How to make "real" friends? | So I'm in my senior year in college and its a commuter school, so its really hard to make friends. The thing is I see so many people talking, laughing and having fun together. I go entire days without saying a word. Its really hard for me to be social. I know like 2 people I can say "hi" to but they don't want to ever do anything with me. I don't smell bad or anything, I shower everyday and wear deodorant. It may be because I'm short and ugly, the only reason I say that is because I tried talking a girl I thought was really pretty, but she literally said "ew no your ugly." I looked in the mirror and she wasn't lying.
Also the reason I ask how to make "real" friends was because I was trying to hang out with a group of guys and girls and they said I couldn't because "I wasn't there 'real' friend, just because I was in their class doesn't mean I was their friend. I didn't count.
How do you make people like you? If I ever get someone's number they never text back. How do you make people have an interest in you?
I'm tired of eating alone and If I have a break in between classes I just walked around campus in circles until its time for class because I have no where to go. | They said I wasn't their "real" friend just because I was in their class. How to be a "real" friend? |
t3_46m3th | relationships | Me [19 M] found out that my ex [18 F] slept with someone else. Says she wants me back | Long story short, i made a post about struggling with a breakup (cliche lol) about an ex that i didn't get on with and i received really great advice so i'm hoping the same comes on here.
Anyway we've been split up for about a month now and we recently got back in contact and tbh we'd been getting on so well and it seemed like everything was fine, she'd said she hadn't moved on/seen/been with anyone else. Although i found out yesterday on facebook that she slept with a guy about two weeks after we split up, (the guy and his friends were laughing about it on a post), i confronted her and she said she was gunna tell me in person.
I know she has every right to do it as she's a single girl, but i feel totally betrayed, she told me she'd respect the relationship and not doing anything so soon and she was in bits over it after i found out telling me she wanted me back and that it was a mistake.
We're still talking for now, but i'm not sure what to do. Do i give her another chance? I just feel totally disgusted knowing she did that so soon after a 2 and a half year relationship with me.
Also i'm not coping too well with it, I haven't eaten in a while and I keep throwing up. The doctor gave me sleeping tablets at the start of the breakup to help me cope but i feel really stupid if i keep going back and complaining about a breakup.
Any advice on what to do and how to cope?
Thanks in advance | Ex slept with someone 2 weeks after breakup, claims it was a mistake and wants me back, but i can't cope with the thought of it. |
t3_1dwhwx | AskReddit | Redditors who were the "popular kids" in high school, when did you realize that you were cool? | Up until 10th grade, I wasn't the "popular kid" but I was pretty well liked. I was known by a lot of people, but usually it was just because everyone knew me as the guy who played a lot of video games. Once I got to 10th grade though, everything changed. All of the cool kids saw me as some awesome guy and started talking to me constantly. Seniors started to hang out with me a lot, and one of the hottest girls in school took me to Senior prom and grinded on me all night long. At that point I realized that I was part of the "cool kids." | I wasn't part of the cool kids, got to tenth grade, got popular almost overnight, and a hot senior girl took me to prom. |
t3_24atxe | relationships | I [22 F] am thinking about leaving my BF [25 M], whom I live with, of almost 4 years. | We've been living together for our entire relationship. I do love him. He is kind, and sweet, and very, very funny. I fear we don't have as much in common as I originally thought we did.
His favourite past-times are playing video games and smoking weed. He's been playing video games since he was in the womb, so I don't want to change him. I thought I could handle it, but we never do anything else. We've talked about doing more things together that are outside, and not gaming related; these plans never actually go through though.
The weed is another story. I used to rarely smoke before the relationship, but now I'm smoking almost every day. I've talked to him about it before but he basically needs it to function.. He won't even eat without smoking. He's been smoking weed for a decade and I don't see it stopping any time soon.
... We live together and I don't know what to do. We just recently re-signed our lease for another year here. I'm just so unhappy with my life. It feels so static. We barely even have conversations that aren't about gaming, unless I initiate every single conversation and come up with every single topic. Very tiring..
I know he loves me and he cares, but I don't know if that's enough. I want the best for him, and I want someone to love him unconditionally... maybe that person shouldn't be me though.. | My BF and I live together, his main hobby in life is playing video games and smoking. There's no time for anything else. I don't know how I should go about this.. |
t3_2da6j6 | relationships | Me [20F] with my family member [40F]. Is it worth it to reach out to see how they're doing when I'm scared they won't reply back? | I'm scared to message them because they said that they were bad at text/facebook quite some time ago; meaning they didn't want to communicate with me that way. We tried email for a bit, but it made me feel distant and anxious and whenever we talk, I feel like I'm crossing a boundary because I don't want to bother them or get in their way. I feel like they're not going to reply most of the time (since they've done that in the past) or brush me off and I don't want to burden them since they have a lot of issues on their plate. Is it a better idea to just not communicate with them at all? | Me [24F] with my family member [40F]. Is it worth it to reach out to see how they're doing when I'm scared they won't reply back? |
t3_29zbwi | relationships | Does this make me an asshole? Taking care of EX cats [24M]and [24F] | Hello.
Me and my SO broke up a few weeks ago. She owns 3 cats. She asked me to take care of them until she got her own place. Because otherwise she would of have to get rid of them (noone but me can take care of them really).
So I was like fine. I'll take care of them. However, I won't be your sorage while you're out banging other dudes, dating etc. So if you plan on doing that, you have to take care of your own cats.
I am not gonna do her this huge favor while shes out there moving on. While it's pritty much impossible for me to move on (Due to her cats reminding me of her. Also if I got a date home and they asked me about the cats "Oh its my EX! Np" )
I also said that incase I find out that she's been lying to me and been out fucking around. I'll get mad as fuck because she would be using me and incase that happend, I wouldnt be nice to her anymore and kick her cats out and demand she pays me back all the money shes owe me (Im letting her pay whatever she can atm).
I also said that you can get them whenever you want, you can start dating and I wont be mad at you and you can still pay whatever you can on your debt. But if you force me to care of your cats while youre out dating.. Ill get mad.
I've asked this on another forum and they bashed me saying Im only helping her out to force her NOT to move on. | Am I an asshole by telling my EX not to date / fuck other guys while I take care of her cats for her? |
t3_2cbx75 | relationships | Me [21 M] and my Ex [22 F] Found out after 3 and a half years that she started dating a new guy. Don't know how to deal with this. | So we have been going out for three and a half months. She said she wanted to get married and so did I. She was different and she was supposed to be the one for me. How could someone do this. When we broke up she just left without putting up a fight. Don't know how to deal with that when I would have died for her. She just didn't care and it cuts deep. How do I forget her and what if I end up dying alone? How do I stay positive when everything I thought was the truth turned out to be a lie? How can someone be so heartless?
I have deleted her from everything an took all the right steps but the pain is still there. Can't sleep, heart rate has been up and can't control it, haven't eaten in days, trying to drink the pain away. | The one" cheated on me after 3 1/2 years and broke me as a person. What do I do? |
t3_jhxk9 | relationships | Saying "lets be friends" cross-culturally? (Muslim/Indonesian) | I am a male, early 20s grad student, recently moved to Asia. Soon after arriving, I met a female classmate and we began to hang out.
She is Indonesian and a devout Muslim, fasting-praying-hijab etc. although she is modern thinking (hence why she is hanging out with a westerner and attending grad school). We would go to the mall, get lunch, see a movie, that sort of thing.
We never so much as held hands. While I did this to maintain "friend" status, coming from her culture I think she may have thought this was only expected early in dating....
Recently, she has made it fairly apparent she considers us to some degree "together." Ex. she was surprised and hurt to discover I was spending any time with girls who were not her.
I've begun the process of slowly making it clear I consider us only friends, but in the meantime:
I'm hoping someone with a better understanding of Indonesian, Muslim dating culture can suggest what she is thinking. Yes, I realize that this is a case-by-case subject, but really anyone with a knowledge of dating in Indonesia among Muslims would be helpful. | Western boy in Asia meets Muslim girl, fears she may think of him as more than a "friend". What is the dating protocol for Indonesian Muslim girls? |
t3_27h8dk | dogs | Advice for a dog who piddles on the carpet when I come home... Help! | My pooch piddles a bit (out of excitement or submission -- I've read both) when I come home. I'm looking for some good solutions to this. Here are some details:
- 2.5 yr old female border terrier mix (I rescued her at 4 months)
- She took to potty training easily and NEVER has other accidents in the house
- She is well-trained otherwise: never chews anything but her toys, is very attentive and responsive to commands like sit, stay, come, heel, etc.
- She is kennel trained, and if I'm gone during the day, she is kenneled
- Here is when she piddles/pees a little: if I come home around 9-10pm and my roommates have already gone to bed (they are early risers), they'll simply let her sleep on the couch til I get home. Which is totally fine. But then I come home and it's as if she thought I was never coming home again. She cowers near my feet and then pisses a few drops. Every. Damn. Time.
- Roommates confirm that they take her out around 8:30 every night, so it's not as if she should have to pee.
- In the past, when my roommates have kenneled her at bed time (and I'm not yet home), she's whined a bit. There is another dog in the house, and my dog is probably confused about why she's the only one in a kennel, and she normally sleeps on a chair in my room that she loves.
Any suggestions? | My dog piddles when I come home, but only at night. I want to train her to stop doing that so I don't have to keep spot cleaning the carpet. |
t3_phb8x | self | To Counter act all the Bank of America Hate that I saw in the past year | Hi all,
I use BOA, I know I should have left during the whole drop this "fascist bank day" thing but I was in the process of extricating an IRA and forgot after we all moved on to more cat pictures.
Well to combat some of that forgotten hate, I have to tell you all about what happened today. I called up to close my savings account, and downgrade my checking, because I could no longer meet the minimums that avoided fees. The agent was cheery but understandably a little disappointed and asked why I had to close my account:
"I bought an engagement ring today, and it set me back so far I cannot reach your minimums to avoid fees."
(from her)
"OH MY GOD, congratulations"
(Going back and forth now)
"Thank you, it's just a big investment, you understand?"
"Are you kidding, this is the best thing I have ever heard doing this, how did you meet?"
Ensue 20 Minute Conversation about how I met my future fiancée, and how she met her "wife" of 20 years. (She qualified the wife, not me, just to be clear). Finish conversation and forgot why I had called.
"I'll transfer everything over for you to your checking and close the account, cancel the links to your credit card, and end the low balance alerts from your savings"
"Oh yeah, that would be great"
"Have I helped you with all that you need today?"
"You have helped me with so much, even more then the accounts, thank you."
"Thank you sir, have a good day" | I had an amazing moment with an employee at a large bank, she treated me like a person and made the experience easy but also memorable. I may not agree with BOA practices but they have done right by me personally. |
t3_o9ysn | AskReddit | Reddit, what is one of the most amusing coincidental moments you have ever been apart of or witnessed? | When I was nine years old, I was left home alone with my sister. I can't remember exactly what happened, but something had startled me that was outside the house before my parents left. My sister knew this and being the wonderful sister she is, decided to scare me. I was on the computer in a room where the computer was positioned close to a window. She snuck outside and beat on the window, making me scream and run to my room. She came back inside the house, laughing hysterically. I was pissed, as she knew I was already on edge, so I decided to get her back.
My sister called her boyfriend to laugh about and she walked into her bathroom for a moment. I took this opportunity to crawl under her bed.
When she walked back into her room, she asked her boyfriend what the most terrifying thing to him was. He answered and then I can only assume that he asked her the same question. Her answer was this, "Probably if someone grabbed me from underneath my bed and pulled me under."
At this point I was having a hard time holding back laughter. She was sitting on her bed with her feet on the floor. So, I did what any little sister seeking revenge would do. I grabbed her ankles, screamed as loud as I could and yanked her feet under the bed. She screamed and ran away while I laid under the bed, laughing my ass off. | Sister scared me, I ran under her bed seeking revenge, she told her boyfriend that being pulled under the bed was her worst fear, I took the opportunity to scare the shit out of her. |
t3_ibjux | relationships | Thinking about breaking up, but we live together and share ownership of the house. | I (28) am thinking of breaking up with my Fiance (26) and one of my concerns is where do I go after I end my relationship with her? Most of the previous posts on this forum mentioning either moving out, or getting the other person to move out. But we live away from friends/family so neither of us have anywhere to go. What do I do in this case?
When we bought the house we both put our names on the title of the house, but the mortgage is through me so I am the only one making payments on the mortgage. We didn't sign any form of agreement as our relationship was in good shape and didn't foresee a break up (she still doesn't foresee a breakup so this will be a shock to her).
She moved away from her home town to be with me, and has reminded me several times leading up to my proposal. I was reluctant to get engaged due to several reasons (see my past posts) but I dove in hoping things would get better. Now I can't fathom marrying this person.
I am hoping that she would move back to where she came from, but I'm sure this wouldn't happen immediately so some advice on how to handle this would be appreciated.
Who gets to own the house? Who has to move out? Any advice? | If I break up with my Fiance, whom I currently live with, who stays where? It is hard to decide who should go as we both own the house in a 50-50 share. |
t3_3kseff | legaladvice | Would I be in danger of copyright infringement (or something else) from selling a resource that refers to and recommends copyrighted educational materials? | I teach in New York State and took a lot of time this Summer and made a resource that I felt my school desperately needed. I was not instructed to make it, I did it on my own time.
Essentially its a document describing a continuum of reading interventions and assessments. It's basically a flow chart of teaching strategies that line up with the hierarchy of reading skills and progress monitoring assessments that correspond to each strategy.
Most of the strategies and assessments I did not develop. Most of the resources are free, some are low cost, one or two are very common (but expensive) programs. I spent a ton of time on this and I really think it turned out well, so I was thinking about selling it. I don't know where yet, but my concerns are with copyrights.
I did not put any of the copyrighted material in my document. For instance, I refer to Florida Center for Reading Research and Fundations materials, but there are NO images or materials taken directly from these resources. Is it legal for me to sell something that refers to using these resources though?
In many of the interventions and assessments I describe specific portions of copyrighted material so teachers will know what I'm talking about. For instance I'll say something like: "Unit 2 of Fundations level 3 vocabulary" or "Florida Center for Reading Research K-2, Fluency Part 2, Words Correct Per Minute pages." Again NO pictures of these resources and NO specific details (like the words on the word lists).
If I sold this, would there be any copyright or intellectual property infringement, or some other legal issues? | I made a resource for school that refers to copyrighted material (no pictures or specific details are included in my resource). Are there any legal issues with selling my resource? |
t3_4re1vl | relationships | Me [21F] with my partner [21M] 2.5 years, just let me know he got a happy ending. | John (Boyfriend) will probably read this, he knows I'm always on here. So, hi.
John and I had a perfect relationship before this happened. Saw a future together, had absolute trust, the whole works.
John is currently in Vietnam. I wasn't able to come with him as it's a school/work kind of thing. I've never had trust issues with him before but today when he told me he's going out drinking with his friends I just had a bad feeling.
Turns out I was right because he got shit faced drunk and went to get a massage. He says he didn't intend for it to end the way it did, he just was drunk and wanted a massage.
His words (paraphrased) are: "She was being pushy, wouldn't stop. Eventually she just did it and I don't know what happened but I didn't stop her." He lasted 2 minutes because he concentrated on it so he would come. Also she tried to push himself on her but I don't know what happened with that. Hoping it's not trickle truth.
He went back to his hotel room immediately and called me bawling. At first I thought it was a joke as his sobbing sounded prank like, then he told me above.
The think is I feel like I can forgive him. He won't ever do it again, he vows to never touch alcohol again. He will do anything to make it up to me.
The trust is broken obviously, but I feel like with time I can forgive him and perhaps trust him again.
Am I stupid and have no self worth because I feel like this? Please advise ): | Boyfriend went to Vietnam, got drunk, got massage, happy ending (not by choice). Am I stupid for leaning towards forgiveness? |
t3_2s1dp5 | relationships | I [19m] love my girlfriend [18f], but also... my best friend [20m]. | My girlfriend and I have been together for about 5 1/2 months and I love her. We've kinda been friend for about a year or two, cause she's my little sisters best friend of almost 6 years. My best friend and I met when I was single and having girl problems and still trying to figure out my sexuality. I slowly began to love my friend. I mean... really love. Not like bro love. Real love. And I've told him a time or two... after I had gotten involved with my current girlfriend. He of course just told me to try to just be a friend. We've been friends for probably a year to a year and a half. We're pretty close, telling intimate secrets and such. Recently I've began to question whether or not my girlfriend still loves me, and if she ever has. I feel much closer to my friend than her, but he has intimacy issue because of past stuff. I really love my girlfriend, and hope She loves me as much. But I feel just as strongly about my friend. It feels weird cause he's my best friend, and of course cause I have a girlfriend. But I feel like my heart is being pulled in two different directions. How can I get over my love for my friend but still be friends with him? | I love my girlfriend, but feel she doesn't love me as much. I'm crushing on my best friend who I've know for a year or so. I wanna stop loving him but still be friends. |
t3_1g7fob | running | Can anyone introduce me to a diet that, in conjunction with my running, will be ideal for reducing body fat? | Here's the overview - occasional runner for 2 years. Since end of April, have stepped it up to 20-25 mi per week, and begin 18 week marathon training program next week.
I noticed weight loss at first, but seems to have stalled. I'm about 15 lbs overweight still, and really want to lose it in the belly etc. I try to eat healthy for the most part, but no formal diet. I'm thinking I eat too many granola bars, peanut butter, etc to burn fat to the level I want, but on the other hand I do sometimes feel fatigued after long runs if I haven't eaten enough. | Looking for ideal diet recommendations/plans for burning fat while going through 18 week marathon training program (and will continue to run regularly after the marathon). |
t3_3fwkkl | tifu | TIFU By being an Inebriated Asshole | Here's the story, over the weekend I went out with some friends with the plan of crashing on their couch. In the process of said visit, I had many drinks and became intoxicated (all too typical of a night, believe me I recognize now it's a problem). When headed back to my friend's place to tuck in for the night, I walked in the door and to the right of it immediately when you walk in is a statue of George Washington with a detachable head.
Having had a few many drinks I had decided that I was going to put this head on it's body and slap the statue around a bit. Eventually that escalated to a point in which in my drunken stupor, thinking it would look cool, I proceeded to take the head outside and smash it on the pavement (a giant asshole and douchebag move on my part).
Unbeknownst to me at the time however this statue was the property of my friend's roommate, and it turns out it was one of the few items handed down to him from his dad. I am not sure what it would be valued at in the market, but I know this guy values it highly and I ruined it. I now feel like the world's biggest asshole and tool, but want to try to find some way to make it up to the guy (if that is even possible). | I fucked up over the weekend, destroyed someone's family heirloom, and want to make every effort to make it up to him. |
t3_20knt3 | tifu | TIFU by going home to poop | So this is actually my friend's story, it happened to him a couple days ago. He told me the story, and I said he should post it here but he didn't want it on his account because he's got other identifying information there. So anyways, here goes!
Apartment life took an interesting turn on Friday. The day started out as a normal payday for him. He walked into work 25 minutes late, hair swept by the wind, eyes red by the blunt. He sat at his desk sipping coffee and browsing reddit like any other day, not knowing his life would change forever in mere hours.
After the third cup of joe, he stoop up and stretched, and went to grab his paycheck. He waited in line at the bank, grabbing a fourth and final cup of coffee while waiting. On the way back to work, he passed by a Chipotle restaurant and pulled in for some burrito magic.
Fast forward now to about four thirty. He begins to feel the rumblin's and grumblin's building in the taint and building momentum through the intestines. There had never a been a more foreshadowing sound to a terrific shit in all of history. But this shit was not bred to be dropped off at work. No, this demon was one only to be released on the master's throne, and so home went a particularly tight cheeked salesman.
60 Seconds to detonation: He arrives at his building and begins relentlessly jamming the elevator button knowing he's on a strict deadline here.
30 Seconds to detonation: he slams open the door to his apartment and rushes to the chamber of duty.
10 seconds to detonation: His belt undone and pants falling to the floor, he reaches for lid, and lifts. FUCK. CLOGGED.
And that was the day that this 20 something year old man shat in a trashcan while completely sober. | Buy a plunger before you need a plunger... and next time make sure that there's a bag in your bathroom trashcan. |
t3_3kil0e | tifu | TIFU by dropping a cup of water on my teacher's head | Like most of the stories on here, this happened a while ago. I went to a boarding school so we stayed at school at the weekends and used to play pranks on each other to pass the time.
One afternoon my roommate and I thought it would be funny to fill a plastic cup with water, tape it above the door and then tape some string from the bottom of the cup onto the door so that when someone opened the door, the cup of water would fall on their head.
I called one of my friends to come in my room quickly because it was an emergency and he obviously came over straight away and the trap worked but it missed him completely. We made a few modifications but my friend had obviously told everyone not to come in our room so we just left it attached to the door waiting for someone to come in.
Our housemaster (teacher in charge of our boarding house) had a very unique knock so as soon as he started knocking, you knew it was him. A few minutes later we hear his knock on our door and he was coming to tell my roommate that he had a detention. We didn't have time to deactivate the trap on the door though so a few seconds later he opens the door and to our horror, it worked perfectly. Soaked in water, he took 2 steps backwards, wiped off his glasses and I think he was more shocked than angry. I apologised profusely and he just stood in the doorway and delivered the news before hurriedly walking away.
Later in the evening I went to his office to make sure he wasn't angry and he had changed his clothes. I apologised again and he agreed not to punish us as long as we didn't do it again. Decided not to play pranks at school again after that. | setup a trap on my school dormitory door to prank my school friends and ended up backfiring and attacking my teacher instead. |
t3_n7v57 | AskReddit | Repost because I really need advice! | My dad is only 52 had 2 surgeries this year (a pacemaker got put in and a triple bypass) that left him unemployable and I on my shitty minimum wage job has been the only one to suck it up and help. He has applied for disability, food-stamps, welfare and pretty much any type of aid but had just gotten months of "in progress" on anything. We live in California if that helps at all. He had to move out of his house and is living with another family member but she doesn't help him with money. I can barely make due for myself and he needs to eat, to be able to drive his car (gas and registration) and has been searching for a job forever now. Hes fallen deeper into depression and I just dont know what to do. I would love some ideas i haven't checked into yet or maybe there's some program I haven't heard about? Im posting on a throwaway because I dont want all my friends to know how bad its gotten =/
My last post got absolutely no activity =C and I'm in real need of advice so please if you have any knowledge of what I can do please share! | Any ideas on how to get fast help for a 52 year old man who cannot work and was self employed for 15 years prior to 2 surgeries. |
t3_1za3k2 | travel | Looking for some advice/things to do on my upcoming trip to Reykjavik. | Hello, /r/travel, I will be traveling to Reykjavik in about a month, and I'm looking for a bit of advice. Thanks for the help.
**1. What attractions should I be sure not to miss?** I already plan to go to the Blue Lagoon, and I'm excited to go to a few museums on Aoalstraeti. Is there anything else that I should be sure to do there? Which museums and galleries would you specifically reccomend?
**2. Which is better: [Hilton Nordica] or the [Icelandair Marina Hotel] I'm having a huge dilemma. The Marina would be a little more expensive with the deal I'm doing, and there are some pretty mixed reviews on Google and TripAdvisor. However, it's really close to a lot of things, and that is a huge bonus. The Hilton is a little further outside the main area, but it seems like it would be a safer bet. Which should I do?
**3. How reliable and easy to use is the bus system?** I have heard of the Reykjavik Welcome Card, and that seems like a very good deal ($25 USD for 72 hours.) However, it is a little iffy how useful this would be. Would the buses be a reliable (and now free) option to get us to a lot of points of interest? If they are, it might affect the hotel question above.
**4. What are some good restaurants?** Both of my two hotel choices provide breakfast, and most of our tours involve lunch, but what dinner places would you recommend? I'm looking for something that we could walk to or get to by bus, and I am very adventurous with my eating. A scenic place that offers Puffin and/or Whale is ideal.
**4. What other experiences do you reccomend?** I want to get as much done as I can. I know that 4-5 days is a short time, but that's a hard limit. Please don't lecture me on that. I want to do the best things I can in those few days. | I have some time in Reykjavik. I want to know what restaurants, sites, and attractions are the very best.*** |
t3_z6es0 | AskReddit | I like to think of myself as "progressive", but I'm having a hard time with a serious issue. | I have several gay and lesbian friends. Their argument on why society should accept them for who they are is because they can't control their sexual attractions, any more than a heterosexual person can, and therefore they should not be judged or marginalized.
I have a friend who was sent by his parents to a church program to make him "straight". It obviously didn't work, and the experience had major effects on his self esteem. He was only 16. He'd never been with a man (as far as I know), but he was quite confident in his sexual desires. I've seen a bunch of studies that confirm that these programs don't work.
He said there was another man in his program who was an admitted pedophile. This guy was sexually attracted to teenage girls. He found himself fantasizing about 15 and 16 year-olds. He said he knew it was morally and socially (and legally) wrong, but he couldn't change his sexual attractions. Like my friend, this man had never acted on his sexual urges to sleep with a teenage girl, but the urges were there nonetheless.
So my question for /r/AskReddit is, do we judge the pedophile differently than we do my gay friend? This man knows his sexual attraction to teen girls is legally and socially deviant, but despite his counseling, he can't make his feelings go away, any more than my friend can stop liking guys. Obviously, anyone who abuses children deserves the full punishment of the law and society, but how do we legislate simple thoughts?
My stomach turns at the thought of rape or child abuse. I have little sympathy for these offenders. At the same time though, I think of tormented men living 50 years ago who lived their entire lives harboring homosexual thoughts, who were unable to express them for myriad reasons. They lived, they died, and their desires went to the grave with them. | If we accept homosexuality based on the premise that it is something people are "born with", should we also accept pedophilia if the person never acts on their inherent urges? |
t3_2paidp | relationships | Me [25 M] with my co-worker [29 F], I got very drunk during company holiday party, what next? | So I am 25 I am a supervisor and she is 29 and a employee. We have been casually flirting for the last 3 months and she told me she has feelings for me and I do for her. She mentioned that nothing can happen between us because I am her boss and doesn't want to make it awkward at work.
Well casually flirting and we finally agreed to go hang out this week coming up but nothing serious and it would not be a date at all. But here is where I mess up. The holiday party was Friday and I had a bad feeling about going but had to go no matter what.
I was drinking all day and when I got there continued drinking and eventually got really drunk. I don't remember much but here are the highlights of what my friend told me I did:
1. I got upset with co-worker because of something she said but I don't remember what and he was not there to hear it.
2. Flirted with an older women.
3. Called the president my wife while trying to get with her (she's married)
4. Told another employee that I would hit that right now.
5. Venting to another co-worker about how upset I was.
6. Wanted to leave early but we came in a bus so I couldn't leave but I tried.
7. Lost my keys.
So I texted one co-worker and I apologized even though my memory is a little fuzzy and she was cool about it. Now with the one that I like I sent her a message and I know she has read it but she has not replied at all. We work tomorrow all day and she hasn't said anything or mentioned anything and I am not too sure what was said, I am freaking out because I don't know how to proceed. I am pretty sure the "date" we had is pretty much cancelled, what do I do? | I got very drunk at company holiday party, got upset and did some very stupid things and said some very stupid things. I still like co-worker but pretty sure that it is done, how do I proceed? |
t3_26gwdu | relationships | Me [20 M] with my girlfriend [20 F] nearly 4 years, recently broke up, hearing some weird things for a 4 year relationship. | Hi everyone,
My girlfriend and I have been dating since high school. It was an great relationship. We had incredible memories, we had fun together, we got along pretty well, but then distance was added.
She was having such a hard time, since we were going to different colleges, she studied super hard, I was incredibly busy with basketball games and practice, so we started to not text or call each other as much (in high school, we called each other every single night, even though we saw each other the next day.)
She started having doubts, started getting frustrated with me, started fighting a little more now, and just last week, she ended things.
We fought almost every day for the past month or so, and she just wasn't happy. She's told me multiple times over the course of the 6 months, she doesn't think I'm 'the one' for her.
She also told me she kind of just fell out of love with me, and again - is hung up on the fact that she doesn't feel that I'm 'the one' for her, which her/my sister and her/my parents had felt when they were about to get married.
I talked to her a few days ago, and she says we should take a break, a week, a month, a year, however long it is until we both know that our breakup was supposed to happen, or if we're supposed to get back together with her.
We both agree that that everything happens for a reason. So whether we get back together or not, who knows.
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Sorry for the huge rant, basically, I just want to know, has anyone else felt that your SO wasn't "the perfect one" you were going to marry, and eventually married them anyway? I just don't know what to do or think. | Has anyone else felt that your SO wasn't "the perfect one" you were going to marry, and eventually (years down the road) married them anyway? And how are things going? |
t3_4shx93 | relationships | Teenagers (M 15 - 17) flirt with me (20+ F) and it frightens me or endangers them - How do I teach them this is not appropriate? | I (in twenties female) live in a suburban area with a few high schools around and thus many teenagers. While teenagers flirting with me is usually not a problem and even funny, a few instances have made me want to talk to their proverbial mothers.
Three examples.
There was the one who trailed me in his car at about 10pm after a late night at school/work. I was on the sidewalk and he asked me where I was going to give me a lift - Maybe that was nice in his eyes, but it was scary to me - I don't know who you are and a car pulling up to me late at night is NOT nice.
There was another who did an illegal U-turn in traffic - albeit light traffic - to ask me to a date.
Most recently a guy who flat out tugged my arm outside of a store with, "where are you going?", and "I can help you carry that home with you".
All of these guys must have been no older than 17.
I want to teach guys in these instances not to endanger themselves or frighten people - and partly get them to back down that way instead of finding a clever line - and to be a person to not just be frightened but teach them to be better not frighten women or endanger themselves.
How can I do that?
This leaves a terrible taste in my mouth and feels like saying 'I was wearing.....' But I should note that I also have a history of looking younger than I really am - 5"3-4' 105-115 lbs and a 'young face' as colleagues have told me. It makes me upset for actual teenage girls who don't know how to get out of these situations. | Teenage boys endanger themselves or frighten me - a woman in her twenties - while flirting how do I help them to not do that? |
t3_mb1sm | AskReddit | I need help/advice - how do you cope with the sense of loss over the threat of 'breaking up' with your best friend? | Basically, over the course of the last 6 months or so, I've slowly started to come to the realization that we may just not really have much commonality between us anymore. It seems we pretty much subscribe to different philosophies for almost everything, and while in the past 15 years this has never been a problem, lately it has been escalating. Part of me wonders if I'm just being the asshole that can't just overlook the differences anymore, but she's become increasingly defensive of her viewpoints even when no argument is taking place (partly catalyzed by her boyfriend whose philosophies are exactly in line with hers, so even when it's just the two of us hanging out it feels like a two-on-one - and I know part of my feelings from this are jealousy). I am just deeply disturbed by the idea of losing her as a friend due to some what SHOULD BE insignificant differences and I'm feeling more depressed than ever since that last big argument. I could go on and on but seeing as this probably won't even be read by anyone, I'll keep the details for later if there is actual interest. | I need help figuring out how to cope with sense of loss from the fact that my long time best friend and I are slowly "breaking up" |
t3_1pezq2 | relationships | My girlfriend (18/F) just broke up with me (18/M). We've been on and off for years now, and I can't stop myself from messaging her and wondering if it's permanent this time. | She doesn't reply, and I know she doesn't want me to, and I'm pretty sure I'll stop now, but it's so hard to lose her after 8 months together continuously speaking every day seeing all the time etc and going to nothing.
I have no idea what to do with myself, how to get over it, and what's worse, I heard from a friend that she cheated on me the week before she dumped me- I messaged her about it today but she didn't reply. The breakup was amicable at first, we met up, chatted for an hour about why this couldn't work, which was because she's now going away to a different part of the country and we can't speak or see each other enough, and I'd also been a dick about how she wasn't speaking to me enough etc after she moved, and then she left me a 5 page letter explaining how we would always love each other, and be our first true loves, but she just couldn't do it anymore. She then left it saying it was the end of the chapter, but not the story.
She's blocked me now to help try and wane me off contact with her, for my benefit, but as you can likely tell from my rambling mess I'm at a bit of a loss. Should I just look forward to a two month countdown or whatever and then message her? (she said maybe in a few months something could start up again, and we have come back together often in the past), how do I try and get over this? | My girlfriend of 8 months broke up with me and I don't know if it's good or healthy to just try to look forward to when we can be together again. |
t3_3ufno9 | relationships | I [22 M] am still head over heels in love with my ex [21F]. We haven't been a part of each other's lives in years and I don't know what to do anymore. | I met Carla freshman year of high school. We hit it off right away and basically dated all of high school. We mutually broke up as we went to college 1000 miles apart but got back together after a month of not talking. That quickly ended as I freaked out cuz long distance. We tried it again a year later after not talking for a year and lasted 3 months before she broke it off for the same reason.
It's been almost 2 years now and I'm a senior in college. I think we've talked a few times over text, and we saw each other once since we're both from the same town. We're perfect for each other and I know we'd still be together if I went to school where she did. When we saw each other this summer we both could still feel it. I know she did by her eyes, she gave me the same look as I hugged her goodbye this summer as she did when we broke up before college.
I've done everything possible to try to move on, spent a year working on myself, slept with a few people, dated (am still dating) a girl prettier than her and I feel nothing. My ex is still in my dreams, she pops into my thoughts all the time, and I'm still completely in love with her. Idk what to do anymore. Can anyone help me? | I'm still in love with my high school sweet heart and have tried everything to move on with no success. It's been two years since I've last been a part of her life and it's killing me and I need help. |
t3_4ia8oo | relationships | Me [32 M] with my wife [29 F] for 8 years, newly separated | My wife and I have been going through a divorce, not going to get into the details of that here but its been ugly. We have a 3 year old son who I get 4 days out of the week and she gets 3 days. She has a 1 BR apt and I am still in the house I purchased just before my son was born. When my son spends the night with her they sleep in the same bed.
It came to my attention recently that she is bringing her boyfriend around my son and that there are nights where he spends the night at her apt while my son is there. This would mean the 3 of them are sharing a bed. I know this based on comments my son has made. This is extremely upsetting and disturbing to me but I don't know what I can do about this that won't make the whole situation worse. | Soon to be ex-wife sharing a bed with her boyfriend and my 3 year old son on the days she has him. Not sure what to do. |
t3_1256qg | self | I hate my own birthday (Which is today)...among all forced holidays. I'm almost always down during my Birthday. Anyone else experience this? | I'm not a depressed person. Actually i'm quite the opposite. I love partying, I love making people laugh and being the life of the party....but whenever I get to the month of October for my birthday...I tend to just try to ignore this day and hope no one else notices. I hate when people are forced to do something for someone else...it just doesn't seem genuine. I love taking my friends out to dinner. I love taking them out for no reason and treating them but i hate when people try and do it to me. I don't want them wasting their money on me. I hate presents. I'm thankful when i get them but whenever I get asked what i want...I tell them not to worry or nothing.
I just wanted to see if anyone else felt this way and if someone knew why it would be. | I hate people giving me stuff and making a fuss over something i don't care about. I hate being forced to give gifts. I like giving gifts constantly but on my own reasons not a holiday |
t3_28kdmo | relationship_advice | I'm [21/M] and really like this girl [18/F], however she is currently in a long distance relationship with another guy. | So I've liked this girl for a while now, and the age gap has been an issue in the past. However, now it isn't as big a deal as in the past since she is heading off to college and I'm just finishing. The current issue is that she has a boyfriend that is living out of state for a year with some of her family. Her and I have a lot in common and have the potential to spend a lot of time together over the course of this summer. I'm fine being just casual friends(although I'd like to give a relationship a shot), but I don't want to make things uncomfortable for her/her family/ or her current boyfriend. Do I simply defer to being a guy friend and let her relationship ride out, or do I try to prove to her that I'm a closer more available potential boyfriend? | I'm into this girl, I think she may be interested. She's got a bf currently living with her family out of town(multiple states over). Do I give it a shot or let it be? |
t3_3g81dd | Advice | Neighbors putting their junk on our lawn & parents don't want to deal with them head on. | This has been going on for a week. We're currently renting a home with another family. We live in the front half and get the garage while the other family gets the back half. My mom is a vietnamese immigrant that sews to make a living and thus uses the garage to sew.
This past week, our neighbors put their old black leather furniture (looks like a leg rest or something) on our lawn. It was originally on their lawn, and I guess they moved it to ours. My parents moved it back. They then moved it back again to ours tonight, and I moved it back myself.
We used to have an old mattress that was out on our front lawn til I got a city notice and learned how to actually properly call and remove it. I guess they thought they could just place their crap on my lawn. Great.
My parents are scared of my neighbors. One, although they are also Vietnamese, they are rowdy and drink and are rude to us before (my boyfriend accidentally parked in the "backdoor" of their place when it's just a fence piece that covered the broken brick wall and got cursed out), and two, my family moved places before because my neighbors tried sueing my mother (or something along the lines of a city complaint) for noise and got the whole city to investigate our old house and watch us.
I don't want to be responsible for their crap. What should I do? | Mom possibly sews illegally, neighbor puts crappy furniture on our lawn, keep moving back and forth. What to do? |
t3_2soynb | Advice | How do you know when it is time to find a new job? | I am in a situation where I basically cannot stand my boss anymore and cringe anytime I have to meet or talk to him. Everything was cool until I was transferred to work on this dudes projects (last October) to help support our team, I have been pretty miserable ever since. The thing is that I used to have a really cool boss and liked what I did, but for the next 2-3 years I am scheduled to work with this guy as my project manager and I am almost to the point of hating him. I do not have the option to work on other projects at this point, and for the foreseeable future i am stuck on his projects.
Thankfully I have a job offer pending, but am not 100% sure on the salary is, I find out the actual offer amount next week. The place I am at now will have better opportunities in the long run which will benefit my personal skill set, but I have to deal with a bunch of shit. The new job will be fun and exciting*, but may not have the same long term outlook and career path opportunities as it is a really small company. | Jr level engineer almost hates his new boss, not sure if i should say fuck it and quit for a lesser opportunity, but most likely more happiness. |
t3_301dx8 | relationships | I [22M] need to have a talk with my girlfriend [21F] but am not sure how to go about it without sound "accusing" | **Dating for 8 months** forgot to add that to the title
In a nutshell, I almost feel like I'm being taken for granted. We have great sex and I know she enjoys it, but I always initiate. We have fun dates, but I always set them up and pay. When we hangout, I'm always the one to ask her to hangout and decide who's house we go to (even if it's hers). Sometimes we will be texting and she will disregard something I said to talk about something in her life.
I'm not going to lie, I was passive aggressive for a bit (for a few individual days the past two weeks). But the reality is that's childish and I need to talk to her about how I feel. But I have concerns.
My concerns are if this is even an issue. I feel like it is, but maybe I'm just wrong? I also don't know how to bring up the issue. I can't say "I feel like you don't appreciate me like you should". That's accusing her, as well as having a very clingy vibe. Also, if we talk about it, I feel like any action she did in the future would feel forced.
Am I being too sensitive? I feel like I'm not. But this is only my second real relationship so I don't really know what's normal.
Help me be able to communicate my concerns to my girlfriend properly. | I need to let my girlfriend know I feel unappreciated, but how do I go about communicating that to her properly? |
t3_3d4iuj | Parenting | Grandparent rant; need advice | My son is almost 3 years old and he goes to my parents Monday to Wednesday nights because I have evening classes and husband works night shift. My son is a little behind with talking.
Both of my parents still talk to my son like he's a baby. An example would be; he would call a dump truck "ump ump", I even told my parents what it means and they don't correct him to say the word correctly. My father even told my son, "You can call dump truck "ump ump" because you're in my house".
It seems useless to talk to my parents because they don't listen to me. I have told them plenty of times what it means and it's not the first time where they have not listened to me. There was a different time with brushing his teeth.
We were thinking of getting a babysitter but there are nights that I don't come home till 11p.m. because it's a 45 minute commute; husband works til 2 a.m. | Toddler son late talker, Grandparents talk to toddler like baby, and they don't listen to me. |
t3_15br13 | relationships | Girlfriend (22) will jokingly hit on guys while drunk, is it normal for me (22) to feel jealous? | Hello, so my girlfriend of 8 months now is great, I love her and weve been friends for more than a year before we started dating. However at parties she can get drunk and rather flirty. As far as I can tell she is just being silly and I seriously doubt that she means anything else by such behavior other than to be silly. However, when she is rather flirty (such as winking at guys or telling me it would be funny if she were to grab someones butt) it really makes me jealous, especially since one of the guys she likes to do this to has a crush on her that we both know about.
Am I being overly jealous and hurt that she does this since, I know she just enjoys being silly after a couple beers? I'm the complete opposite of flirty even when I was single I hardly ever flirted. So maybe my rather shy nature is just causing me to be overly jealous. I don't know. Granted, these are all guys we know and are friends with but it still makes me feel awkward. If anyone has some advice that would be helpful, thanks. | Girlfriend gets drunk and sometime, jokingly flirts with guys, am I stupid to get jealous over something that is simply a joke? |
t3_4w340q | tifu | TIFU by riding a bike at 3am | This happened just a few weeks ago in a small town in Rhode Island.
For the past few nights leading up to this night, my cousins and I (2 others) have been riding our bikes all around town, just having fun.
So on this night, we hit up our usual route then decided to go to the gas station to grab some snacks. The gas station is at the top of a hill, so we walked our bikes there. After buying some snacks and what not, we decide it's time to go home. As we are going down the hill, my older cousin accelerates past me, looks back, and laughs at me. Not backing down from the challenge, I speed up to pass him as he stopped pedaling. Once I pass him, he starts peddling again and right before he passes me I peddle as hard as I can.
Mind you, none of us have brakes on our bikes, and we are in the middle of the road. As soon as I start accelerating, my chain slips and I go crashing down into the pavement.
I had my phone in my hand while holding onto the handlebars. My 2 week old iPhone 6s+ got the worst of the crash (along with me knee) and was completely shattered. If I had my phone in my pocket, I wouldn't have to be typing this on my old iPhone 4 :(
What may be the worst part about it, is the fact that we snuck out, so I couldn't tell my mom what happened. I told her that I raged while playing a video game and threw my phone at the wall. So they think that I am even more irresponsible than I actually am. I also won't be getting another phone until I can afford to outright buy it myself. | Rode bike at night with no brakes, crashed, smashed brand new iPhone, and I had to lie to my mom about how it happened so I won't be getting a new one until I can buy it myself :) |
t3_2x34ji | relationships | Me [24 M] with girl I'm dating[22F] for almost 2 months, really annoyed by how much text she send to a guy that she barely knows. | Simple. Been dating this girl for almost 7 weeks. She has been texting a lot to this guy she met last week. She told me I don't need to worry about it. I'm the only guy she is seeing. (she has tons of guy friends). Last time I talked to her about it and she was a little upset that I don't trust her and that she doesn't wanna get controlled by people. My problem is that she talks about almost everything. How much she doesn't wanna work, what she is doing. And this guy is a full-time job worker and he talks to her a lot during the work.
Anyway I'm going to ask her out officially this week. If she says yes, I'm going to try to set up a rule or something. If she says no then, I wanna ask her what am I to her and I just see myself as same as other guys that she talks to. but why are you acting like we are exclusive and stuff(her friends and parents know about me and met me)
So what should I do reddit? I'm kinda uncomfortable about this. | Girl I'm dating is talking to this one guy often who she barely knows (like personal stuff too) I'm kinda annoyed by it |
t3_vh8bt | dating_advice | Met someone I really like, but am not sure if we are friends or more. | (Originally posted this in Relationships, but was redirected to Dating Advice. This does make more sense being posted here.)
I (25F) met a guy (24M) through Reddit. After messaging for a bit, we have met in real life a couple times now, and I think we get along great. When we have gone out, he has paid for both of us, though I try to pay at least partially whenever I can (because I'm weird about people spending money on me). So far though, he hasn't tried to kiss me, though we have shared hugs. So what I'm wondering is if we are dating, or just hanging out as friends. I just don't know how to ask for sure without looking like a dumbass and possibly insulting him if he thought it was obvious that we are dating.
FYI: I don't have much "dating" experience, so I am kinda clueless about the subtleties involved. Part of me thinks that if he hasn't tried to kiss me yet, then he sees me as just a friend. But another part thinks that since he pays for me, we are dating. And I do realize that some guys are just courteous. Maybe he's shy or respectful and that's why he hasn't tried to kiss me yet. Or maybe...idk. I don't want to come off too eager or pushy. I really like him and think we get along well and would like for this to be more than a "just friends" relationship, but at the same time, I don't want to ruin a good friendship if that's all it ends up being.
* Reddit, what do you think?
* What's a way to ask the question about our "status" without sounding oblivious, pushy/clingy, or immature?
* Do my attempts to pay make it seem like **I** see us as "just friends"?
* What might be a funny/creative way to ask the question? (We both have a "Reddit" kind of humor and make lots of references to nerdy/geeky things and internet memes) | Redditor met Redditor; F Redditor doesn't know how to tell if it's a "just friends" or a "dating" situation. |
t3_53fjt6 | relationships | Me [23F] with my BF[23M] and his mom. I feel so guilty for telling them they might be able to move in? they are in financial difficulty. | I have this on and off again relationship with this guy for 6 years, don't want to go into that. Him and his mother have got into financial difficulty, since his mom lost her job last year. She is able to go for a rent allowance where I live, but it has not been accepted.
About a week ago she was extremely emotional, crying a lot, saying she thinks she is going to be homeless etc...I felt terrible for her, and my heart went out to her. My grandmother passed away a few months ago and her house is unoccupied. It is now in my mothers name, but has a lot of work needed doing, and needs to be fixed up.
To ease her distress, I told her in the spur of the moment, that if all came to all, maybe she could move in there, as a last resort type of thing, after absolutely everything is tried. Now I wasn't expecting the on/off Bf to directly ask me to move in a few days later, when they didn't even try to find somewhere else, or make any effort to get a job etc... He said there is no contract needed, and they will pay half of what those properties usually go for. I told him there needs to be a contract, insurance etc...he said don't you realize we are desperate. I would be worried they would never move out or if a fire or accident did happen, my mom would not be covered. My mom has basically told me it absolutely is not going to happen and she would not be comfortable with them living there.
Did I do the wrong thing by trying to even suggest such a thing? I was just trying to make her feel better, and didn't think it through. He has now made this big deal and I feel guilty for even suggesting it? | I am being blamed as basically being a liar by them, and they have taken the fact they cannot move in really personally. |
t3_2ke6m6 | relationships | I [23f] just kicked out my boyfriend [23m] but dont know if I want to end the relationship? | My boyfriend and I have been together for over two years now. A few months ago we were having some trouble with our sex life, he was having trouble performing because of his use of porn and masturbation. We fought over it numerous times and to make a long story short, he promised to stop using porn. It's been a little over 3 months and he hasn't used porn, and our sex life has been great. We have sex every day if not multiple times a day, and it's been more than satisfying for both of us.
Fast forward to this morning: my boyfriend woke up before i did, and tried to initiate sex twice before he got up out of bed. Both times i told him i wanted to wait until i was awake. We both have the day off work and Sundays are our "lazy day" so i of course didn't see any problem with waiting until i was totally coherent to have sex. Until i woke up to him at our computer desk, a few feet away from the bed, watching porn videos and jerking off. I told him to get his stuff and get the fuck out.
His excuse was "i didn't promise to stop using porn forever, just until our issues were taken care of and everything is okay now so i thought it would be alright". Regardless of what he thought he was promising, to me jerking off to porn videos just because i asked him to wait until i woke up on my own felt like the biggest fucking slap in the face. I love my boyfriend and don't want to break up but i made it very clear to him that i didn't feel comfortable with him using porn and he agreed to stop, now i feel like if i try to reconcile I'm being weak and letting myself get walked on. | caught my boyfriend jerking off to porn right next to me while i was sleeping after he promised to stop using porn, kicked him out, not sure what to do now. |
t3_2n9ds9 | relationships | Me [34 M] with my gf [25F] 6 months. Need to know if I can trust her or go with my gut. | I met my gf online and we chatted for a couple of weeks. She came around to my apartment the first night we met and we drank some wine and we had sex. She seemed really up for it and when I pulled out to come on her stomach she immediately lunged forward and started swallowing.
This despite being awesome was the first warning for me.
She quickly moved in to my apartment and I inevitably got around to asking her about how many people she had slept with. She said three or four, which seemed quite low given her confidence in bed.
Anyway, fast forward a few months and we are living together officially and everything is great. Except I find out she cheated on her last boyfriend and I found photos of them together away for a weekend when she was with this other guy. Meanwhile she was also meeting another man though she claims they didn't sleep together (yet she said she loved him in the FB messages to him).
I don't value virgins. But I am so angry she didn't tell me about these guys I don't know how I can trust her. She said she was in a bad relationship which was why she cheated, but I don't know why she didn't break up with him. (She said he threatened to kill her).
I kicked her out tonight despite her showing no sign of being unfaithful to me at all since we met.
Am I overreacting? We were even planning a wedding together, but I feel like if she lies to me about that stuff so convincingly how can I trust her about anything? | Girlfriend cheated on bf in past and didn't tell me up front, despite me being honest totally about my past relationships. |
t3_2sz9lm | relationship_advice | Really need some help! | Hi, I am a 17 year old guy in junior year of high school, and the other day I might have done something not all that great. I have this friend named (lets call her Patrice) who has this really shitty boyfriend(lets call him Doug) who has forced her to do some really terrible things, for instance he forced her to suck his dick, and when she asked to stop, he told her to shut up and consistently sends dick pics to other girls. To further add details on this, she's extremely dependant on him and fears to be alone which is why she hasn't ended up breaking up with her. So, anyways, my friends have been trying to hook me up with her because they want her to stop dating him, I didn't really know much about her except for that she is really fucking hot, so of course I agreed. I invited a bunch of friends over to my house to have a party. Most of them didn't end up coming, but Patrice did. We were chatting it up, until I made the grave mistake of asking her to make out (don't judge me i'm an idiot). She was hesitant, but looked at her friend for confirmation. She, the friend, said its fine, which then led up to Patrice saying don't tell Doug (I don't really know the name suits him), so we made out. Afterwards, she felt really guilty because she still thought that she still loved him even with all the things he has done. My friends still want me to go out with her, but I don't really know how to approach it. Any advice would be great. | made out with a girl whose boyfriend is a cunt and in a way abuses her, and I'm really questioning my ethics… Am I in the wrong? Did I mess up? |
t3_13sn5k | relationship_advice | I [17/M] can't seem to connect to a [17/F] girl? | First relationship_advice post, woo!
So basically, I've been acquainted with this girl for about a year, although we've never really been in the same social setting besides the sport that we both participate in. In the last few months, I caught myself staring at her without realizing it more than once. My hormones, over-ruling the more logical parts of my brain, initiated an executive order to make her my girlfriend. Problem is, as I said, I really haven't talked to her a ton before. I don't share any classes with her at our school, which makes it more difficult for me to get to know her.
The other problem is that in the one or two times that I've tried to talk to her by way of Facebook messages, she hasn't responded. I've tried to use a bit of common sense and not come off as creepy, instead asking her legitimate questions about either our mutual sport or school, and then try to gradually develop that into an actual conversation. I've gotten the notifications that she's seen the messages, but I've never gotten an actual response. Our mutual sport begins soon, and I'll actually see her more than in passing at our school.
So, my question(s) is: Is it worth it? Should I still try to get to know her if she's not going to reciprocate any conversation? Am I trying too hard to force a connection? Does her ignoring the message I sent her put me at fault or her?
...Damn my teenage hopeless romanticism... | I like girl. I don't know girl well. I message girl to get to know girl. She ignores message. Am I forcing it? |
t3_3jvk4v | relationships | I [20 M] found out my girlfriend [19 F] snooped on me. Do I confront her? | I have been dating my girlfriend for over a year now and just recently was confronted by her with a lie. She claimed that a friend told her I was possibly cheating on her and I had no idea why (I haven't been). I told her she's crazy to think that and that I haven't been.
I later go find my phone not where I put it and apps opened that I didn't have opened. She read my texts, and saw I was texting a girl friend of mine. I have never had anything more than a friendship with said girl. I know that she was lying because she added some specifics that had to do with the conversation I was having with this normal friend of mine (pretty obvious of her).
I'm not really sure if I should confront her because it seems a little sneaky both ways for some reason. Meaning, I somehow secretly found out she was being secretive, if that makes any sense. But the thing is, our relationship has been great and I haven't done anything bad or suspicious.
Do you guys think maybe it's because she's self conscious? If so, do you suggest I not stay in a relationship with her because of her lack of trust? Trust is huge to me in a relationship. Or worse, I have heard women snoop because they themselves are cheating on men. I'm not a self conscious person and wouldn't think she would be cheating unless she secretly has a VERY low self esteem. Ever since it happened she's been acting very normal. I have no idea what to think. | Found out girlfriend snooped. She lied to me to find out answers from snooping but never said she looked at my phone. Do I confront her? Is this something I should steer away from? |
t3_te8v0 | AskReddit | My father is threatening to cut me off financially if I change my major to computer science. Reddit, I need your help arguing against him. | I know there are probably better subreddits to bring this up in, but fuck it this one seems as good as the rest.
So first a little background.
I just finished my junior year of a history degree and will be senior come this fall. Unfortunately it just dawned on me that I am going down the wrong track, and would like to switch my major. Don't get me wrong I love history to death; however the job prospects aren't too great. I had planned on banking on law school at the end of my collegiate career. However after a recent venture into /r/law and doing some outside research I have come to the conclusion that a law degree may not be all that its cracked up to be.
Either way upon broaching my decision to my father; he reacted quite aggressively. After a few hours of argumentation he gave me an ultimatum; if i pursue a degree in computer science degree then I will be cut off financially. He fears that in a few years an my computer science degree will be "outdated". Not only that but he claims that with the rise of China and India, all the IT and CS jobs are being outsourced over there. Essentially the antithesis of his argument is that he doesn't want to see me "waste" my time with degree that could become outdated/outsourced in (what sees as) a few years.
How can I prove to him that computer science in not only a secure field, but that it is damn near impossible for it to become "outdated" | My father feels as though a degree in computer science is not only unstable, but has a high probability of becoming "outdated" or having its jobs outsourced to China. |
t3_3rk9u5 | college | Tuition for me is covered, but won't cover living on campus. Should I go in debt or stay at home? | So the cost of living on campus is on me, and my parents won't help me out since my mom think it's a waste and my dad has a family of his own and can't pay the $10,000 for a year of living on campus. I could either take out some student loans, be in debt, live on campus and possibly make friends and have interesting opportunities in the city, or stay at home, almost an hour away from campus (with traffic) and commute, and balance work at home and school in the city. I'm currently a commuter at a different school and commuting is such a hassle, but is the $10,000 worth a year of living on campus? (the $10,000 includes a meal plan for every day of the week). Have you lived/are living on campus? Was it worth the extra money? | Should I spend $10,000 for a year of living on campus in a major city, or stay at home and save my money and commute into the city? |
t3_2b15x6 | relationships | I [18F] found out my dad [45ishM] "borrowed" over $1000 from me without asking. | I'm 18, just graduated high school, and I'm saving up my money to go to college in a year. I took a few paychecks and the money I got for graduation, opened a savings account and deposited $1,165.87 about a month ago.
Tonight I was cleaning my room and found the paperwork from the bank, which had instructions on how to look up your bank account and info and all that stuff online. I got it set up, and the first thing I see is i have $65.87 in my savings account. I thought that was extremely bizarre, and I went upstairs to talk to my dad about it.
My dad hasn't always been the most responsible with money, and my mom is the primary breadwinner, but he always seems able to afford new toys like a new tablet and phone, and a bunch of accessories for them.
It's about 2 AM here, so I went to talk to him now instead of waiting until the morning, because I knew he'd be sleepy and not able to think of excuses so quickly. He was dozing in the living room, and when I asked, full-voice, why I only had $65.87 in my account, he shushed me and whispered that he had to borrow money, and that he'd pay me back in a few days.
I've had to pay for things like my sister's prom dress, because we "didn't have enough money in the account right now," with him promising he'd pay me back. I'm still not sure if he ever did.
I'm pissed. How can I bring this up with him tomorrow and talk about it? It's my college money. I definitely need it. | Dad borrowed $1,100 from my college fund. How do I talk to him about it, and make sure it doesn't happen again? |
t3_k7457 | AskReddit | Dear college freshmen: would you be insulted if your professor gave you candy in class? | Ok, so, this is my first year teaching at the college level... and two of my friends tell me I'm doing it wrong.
I thought I'd bring in a bag of mini Snickers and Reese's and Hershey's and Yorks, etc., and use them to make test review more interesting (by giving everyone the chance to win a piece or two for providing correct answers during review for our first big test coming up).
My friends tell me that this will merely insult my students by treating them "like elementary schoolers," and that it will make them lose respect for me. I'm 28, so I *thought* I was still young enough to remember how it felt to be an undergrad, but now they're making me second-guess myself.
Also, being only 28, the last thing I want to do is make my students feel like I'm treating them like little kids or cause them to lose respect for me; I was just trying to think of something fun/nice to do. | I'm a college professor and want to know if using candy to make test-review fun for my college freshmen will just insult them, as my friends seem to think. |
t3_1shtxr | relationships | Me [24 M] with a girl I was seeing [21 F] -- No Contact? | In October, I met a girl online and we started talking. We immediately hit it off, and started having long discussions on a daily basis. We would discuss our ideologies, aspirations, interests, background, whatever. We had originally discussed holding off meeting one another due to her schedule, but she asked to move it up on account of her interest. I obliged, because duh. We went out twice. I felt chemistry, had a great time, yadda, yadda, yadda.
Well, a couple of weeks ago the texts started to fade a little bit. I figured maybe she was losing interest. I mentioned--sincerely--that it was fine if she was losing interest and that I had fun getting to know her. She responded that she was interested, but a perfect storm of bullshit had flown into her life and she had dedicated all of her energy to it while trying not to mention it to me.
Last Monday she mentioned that she was feeling guilty about the fact that she doesn't get back to me as much as she likes, or as quickly. I told her that it was fine, and that I don't mind the intermittent silence as long as I know my messages are well received. She says they definitely are, and we agree that I will contact her when I like and she will respond when she can.
...And now she has not responded to me at all in the last 7 days. I feel like I have left ample room for her to tell me if she's disinterested, which I thought necessary as I didn't want to keep dealing with the issue of whether radio silence was circumstantial or intentional. But I never thought that my attempt to ease her guilt would lead to the dissolution of what little communication we had.
Now I am trying to decide how to bring this up. I am totally fine with intermittent communication, especially in hectic times, but a solid straight week of nothing suggests a serious disparity in where we each prioritize one another. How do I bring this up? | Busy girl says she likes me, but is in a major crunch for time. I try to alleviate her guilt about not responding to me as much as she would like. She then ceases communication entirely. How can I back track? |
t3_2enh69 | relationships | Me [35 M] with my coworkers - am I obligated to give a gift of money? | There is a coworker who is having a baby. She's a nice lady, but just a distant coworker. We've never worked on any project together and I don't think we've ever exchanged more a "hello". Our communication is limited to smiling if we see each other pass in a hallway (something I do with everyone). To be honest I didn't even know she was pregnant until a few weeks ago.
An email just went out to our entire team, saying we're going to have a party for the coworker next week at work. At the end of the email it requested everyone on our team to leave $20 for the coworker in a card. I guess I don't have a good excuse for not wanting to give the money other than the fact that I'm very frugal and run a very tight budget for my spending and savings. I wouldn't even drop $20 on myself as a special gift and this month in particular I'm tight on money. Now if this coworker needed the money, I wouldn't mind giving it. But we're all engineers and make a great salary, and as far as I know she's married to an engineer herself. If this coworker were a friend, even distantly, I'd go for it. It's not that she's not nice, but as I mentioned I don't even think we've ever even spoken. I don't know, the request just makes me a little uncomfortable.
I just wanted some outside perspective. Am I an asshole if I don't give the money? The issue is it's not even a private money contribution. There's an actual list you're supposed to sign once you've given the money so it will be obvious who doesn't give. | coworker requesting everyone give money to another coworker, and I want to know if I'm a prick for not wanting to give my money away |
t3_36f2lp | legaladvice | [NJ] Roofing company will not stop harassing us at our home | I live in a small neighborhood with my parents. About two weeks ago a guy dressed in casual clothes parked across the street in an unmarked gray Nissan (small neighborhood street) and came to the door. My mother was a bit creeped out and we aren't even sure if it's legal to do door-to-door sales in my town so no one answered. He then went and sat in his car for an hour and a half then came back to the front door and we did not answer again. Then he left. My neighbors said that no one ever came to their homes, just ours.
Fast forward a week he's back and my dad answers to say that we aren't interested, he gives us a business handout thing and leaves. We told my neighbor (a cop) the situation but he said to text him if he was back.
We called the number on the flyer but got to voicemail and left a message that we weren't interested and to not come back to our residence. Then a few days after that the guy was back but my mother was home alone and never called anyone (e.g like the cops) about it. He left another flyer on the door.
Can we report the business? Call the township? | roofing company seems to be targeting our house and will not listen to requests to stop coming to home. Also participating in door to door sales which I don't know if it is legal to do so here. |
t3_22i91m | relationship_advice | My friend(22/m) cannot mourn his ex girlfriend(22/f) | Hey reddit,
Sorry for the english, not my first language.
My friend got dumped back in October 2012 by his first love.
Since then he has been with other girls, but as time passes he cannot fight his feelings that he still has for her, and they are growing back stronger.
He is still in love, and comes to me for advice and support. I'm not sure how and what I should do. They have been together for over 5years, and now live in the same city (Paris, "the city of love", to make it even more fun). His best friend is his ex girlfriend's brother too.
Has anyone ever been ~~as far as even~~ in a similar situation ?
Any thoughts of what I should do or say to help him ? | friend is still in love with exgf, broke up >1year ago, what can I do to help him ? |
t3_q9026 | dating_advice | I'd like to ask a girl from my class out. I've never really asked anyone out before, advice? | I'm 21/M and reasonably attractive. Up until last year I was pretty socially awkward, I've worked against it though and now can deal with people reasonably well without feeling uncomfortable.
Anyway, there's this girl in the class, noticed her pretty much straightaway after I sat down. Nothing much happens until the break, where I go out and sit down with a few other people and start chatting with them, after a few minutes of that she sits down right next to me! Needless to say I was pretty pleased, so I greet her and strike a bit of conversation. I can make her laugh, and I lent her my coat at one point since she mentioned it was cold.
This was about three weeks ago, the class meets once a week and each time I've gotten to talk to her a bit with similar results to the first time. Now I'm pretty terrible at reading signs, so I don't really know whether she's interested in me or not, but we certainly get along well enough and I'd like to ask her on a date before too much more time goes by.
In the past I've waited way too long and ended up either friend zoned or just plain old forgotten, so despite the uncertainty of her interest, I'd like to ask anyway and at least get some experience out of it. | 21/M mildly socially awkward and looking for some advice on asking out a classmate, who I get along with pretty well but have not actively flirted with much, and am uncertain how they feel towards me. |
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