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t3_3ql8z4 | relationships | How do I get through to my (27 F) boyfriend (26 M) that I need help cleaning around the house? | Hi r/relationships.
I'm kind of in a bind right now. My boyfriend and I have lived together for about ten months, and I am usually the only one to do the cooking and cleaning.
I had surgery a couple months ago, so I haven't been able to work. I'm supposed to be home, recovering, so doing a lot of chores and housework is painful for me.
He works a lot, so he's only ever home for 5-6 hours during the day, so I understand that he's tired. But I feel that I'm picking up all of the slack. He leaves dirty clothes all throughout the house and dirty dishes in the sink with no intentions of doing them. He also forgets to feed our pet! I'm supposed to be resting. I'm still in a lot of pain and all of this is getting to me, and the stress has made me feel worse.
I've tried talking to him about this and he gets **very** angry with me. So much so, that it brings me to tears. He says stuff like, "well I don't ask you to do a whole lot," and "you don't even work so you should be responsible for it." I keep wondering what shape the house will he in once I return to work. | I recently had surgery and boyfriend is making me clean up after him. I've tried taking and communicating and it seems fine for a day, but then he continues to make the same mistakes. |
t3_35r0yi | relationships | [Update] My wife [30F] and I [28M], married for 6 years, dating for 12. Am I crazy? Is she crazy? Or is this normal? I need some objectivity. | So I thought I'd provide an update to [this post] I made about a month ago, and see if the community has any further advice before I go forward with what I think I need to do.
After I wrote my post, I confronted my wife about her verbal abuse and told her I wanted to go to counseling as a last ditch effort to try and save our marriage for our kids' sake. She was not pleased with this, and tried to avoid going to counseling at all costs (making excuses, trying to seduce me to distract me from wanting to go, etc.), but eventually we made an appointment and went. In the mean time, she owned up to being verbally abusive and apologized, saying that she "never realized it would hurt me so much." I held my ground and basically told her that I was 99% done, and that I would be stupid to stay. She said she understood.
Counseling went as well as it could have, with me reiterating the same points about the abuse and about her reaction to the ring, and she admitted she was wrong about everything and completely apologized. She is completely in retreat now, trying to rekindle things and preserve our marriage.
The only thing is, I don't love her anymore. I actually became more depressed that she apologized and committed to work it out, because I almost wanted her to freak out and end it. I felt myself slipping into that same inaction and comfort that has kept me here through all the warning signs.
I think for her sake and mine, I need to end it. It's not fair to me or to her for us to keep "going with the flow" and stay unhappy. The sad thing is, she really loves me and doesn't want it to end, both for her sake, and our daughter's sake. But I just can't stand to be with her. I don't know whether the abuse switched something off in me or just because I've been with her so long, but I don't want to be with her anymore. | My wife agreed to go to counseling, apologized and agreed to change, but I still don't love her. Should I end it? |
t3_1kgwip | relationships | My[21M] new girlfriend [21F] drinks socially, and I do not drink. How do learn to be totally cool with her drinking? | I just met the absolute most amazing girl a little less than a week ago. I've never met anyone who has so much in common with me, and we both have latched onto each other quickly. The only thing that we do not have in common is that she drinks alcohol, socially for the most part and rarely to drunkenness, while I do not drink and never will. (It's complicated, I don't even want to open the possibility of me growing to like it). She is awesome enough to where I think I can overlook that part of her, but the thought continues to linger as to how I will become comfortable with that scene. I know I will go to bars and parties, which I'm not used to, and I understand that I will be that sober guy surrounded by tipsy folks every now and then.
My question, then, is this: how have you overcome an aspect of someone's personality that you do not understand or take part in, whether that be drinking or something else, for the greater good of the relationship? | Fucking rad girlfriend drinks, I don't. How do I get over myself when she (and others) drink? |
t3_1zr6dq | relationships | Introverts living with your SOs, how do you balance your need for solitude with the demands of living with someone 24/7? | I'm an introvert. This doesn't mean I don't like people or don't enjoy interacting with others in meaningful ways. It means that I need quite a bit of "me time" in solitude to recharge my batteries.
Interactions with others, regardless of how positive they are, tend to deplete my energy. There are days when I only wish to be able to go home and find it dark and empty with nobody there to have to interact with. Sometimes I want to just go to sleep reading a good book all alone and wake up in the morning just the same and pick up the book again for a few minutes before I head to work.
From what I read I'm not the only one like this, so how do other people with similar needs survive in relationships? Do you just choose not to live with someone? Do you find it enough to go engage in a solitary hobby for a few hours? Do you go to a hotel for a day or a few? Do you go on a vacation by yourself once a year? What works? | Introverts living with your SOs, how do you balance your need for solitude with the demands of living with someone 24/7? |
t3_2cqxyc | relationships | If he hasn't said "I love you" in a nine month relationship?..? | My boyfriend (29M) and (20F) have been dating for 9 months. We are like two peas in a pod, and the last 7 months have been just an extended sleepover.
We sleep at either one's place together literally every night. I live around the corner from him. I drive him to work because he hates driving, I do his laundry, I clean his room, I buy his groceries, I have sex with him literally every night, I make his life extremely easy because he is a very lazy yet busy doctor. A psychiatrist, actually. After 4 months of dating, I lost 40 pounds so now I'm a size 0, attractive 20 year old dating this guy. I feel like I should be his dream girl, but he's just not biting. :(
Some red flags in the relationship are:
He has an addiction to porn, particularly wmw porn.
He checks out every.single.woman he walks by.
He has a list of hot celebrity's he wants to fuck on his phone.
He flirts heavily with his female coworkers
His parents still don't know I exist
Why won't he say he loves me? Should I end this soon if he doesn't? I don't want to waste my affections on someone who doesn't see anything longterm with me. | 9 month relationship - awesome laid back girlfriend - he still hasn't said 'I love you' or anything of the likes. |
t3_2zj5hu | relationships | I told my friend's [M 20] girlfriend [F 27] that he cheated on her with my best friend [F 20]. Did I do the right thing? | Last night, at around 2 am, I had a call from my best friend. She was throwing up and crying and told me that she had had sex with our mutual friend, Tom. She said after they had started she had made him stop and at that point he got upset and left. They had been drinking all night.
This morning I texted her to let her know I was going to talk to Tom. In my opinion he HAD to tell his girlfriend. It's disgusting and I would want to know. I told him that if he didn't tell her, I would have to. My best friend understood this and considered telling her herself, but didnt know if she should.
Anyway, I had been texting Tom for hours. He kept saying knowing what he'd done was punishment enough, he didn't want to hurt her etc. Eventually it got through to him that he should be the one to tell her, not me. So he texted me at 5pm saying he had done it and she had left him.
So. About an hour later a friend I was talking to about this suggested I message his (Ex)girlfriend to see if she was okay (and to make sure he had in fact told her).
I messaged her something like "I'm so sorry that this has happened and I hope you're okay x".
Her reply: "What?"
She didnt even know he was at my best friend's house last night. He had told her they just kissed. So, I texted Tom letting him know he was a scumbag and then I told her everything I knew. She thanked me for telling her.
Now they've been talking etc and I think she is leaving him. She isn't sure though.
Part of me feels really guilty. Tom is now telling me he doesn't want to live anymore. He isn't blaming me, he actually thanked me for making him come clean, but I can't help but feel bad. Perhaps I should have given him more time to tell her? Even my mum didn't think I should even get involved. | Found out my friend cheated on his girlfriend with my best friend. Gave him a chance to tell her but then I told her. I feel guilty. Did I do the right thing? |
t3_28uogt | relationships | Technically a break up? M[16] | I've been talking to this girl who seemed very interested in me before the school year ended. It seemed like we were basically a couple in high school. We went on a date and it was true, she really liked me and expressed it. After that though I had to go bought family in another city for a few weeks and it was harder to talk to her but it seemed fine.
I never got to ask her to be my girlfriend because I felt like it seemed too rushed but now I sort of regret it. Anyways, we've been texting for awhile and I recently found out through her Twitter that she doesn't "want to be tied down" or "want anything too serious" after making the first move and leading me on. It feels like another breakup but we're not technically dating.
At first after reading that I really just wanted to ignore her now and try moving on, but I don't know. Should I talk to her in person and get together after I come back and talk about it or is it just better to walk away? | dated" a girl and I find some things on her Twitter that contradict her feelings and I think it might be from texting too much and not seeing each other in person. |
t3_1itaca | relationships | I (25f) could seriously use some advice on my relationship with my boyfriend (27m) | I'm not even sure where to start with my relationship. T (27m) and I (24f) have been together 5 years and have a 3 year old son together. We currently live together, but it has been a struggle getting to the point that we are now. T has cheated on me, while I was pregnant. I thought we had worked through that, but it definitely had an effect on me. I now hate any girls he talks to, I had to delete fb just to not get unreasonably jealous. We recently have been arguing about instagram and how uncomfortable I am with him following all half naked chicks.
I looked on instagram this morning and the woman (30f) he cheated on me with is now following him. He isn't following her, but I want her gone. She always seems to pop up and she's always hanging over this relationship p. Now I can't help, but wonder if they're fb friends or texting.
I love my bf, I love my family, I thought we were passed all this. I don't know how to approach him about this shit again because it's always me snooping and "trying to catch him doing something" and I just need to trust him. I know our relationship won't last if I don't learn to trust him again. | my bf cheated in the past and now the girl he cheated on me with is following him on instagram. How do I approach this and learn to trust him again? |
t3_1fpl2m | relationships | I [20m] have started noticing some things about my parents [48f] [65m] and want to know if I should address it. | My parents have been married since my mom was 18. This is my father's second marriage, having had 3 kids with his first wife. My mom and him have 6 kids together. We are a super tight knit family. However, as I get older I've noticed I don't really have a a great relationship with my parents together but individually I'm on great terms with them both. Anyways as I get older I've noticed a few things that are a little peculiar to me... 1) They are pretty poor at communicating even the biggest things sometimes. 2) I remember them fighting quite a bit as a I'd but as I got older it seems to have lessened. 3) Ever since my youngest brother was born (6m) they don't share a bed, but do share a bedroom, however mom has a disease where even a little movement of the bed can cause her to become violently ill. Overall, in front of they appear to be a happy couple I.e. he kisses her before he leaves for work, they say I love you on a relatively regular basis. However, I can't help but think and feel that something is off. Should I approach this with them? How can I approach this tactfully? | I'm starting to notice something off in my parents relationship and want to know how to approach it. Should I pparoach it? |
t3_46kn6y | relationship_advice | My [29/M] Girlfriend [20/M] Is talking to her Ex again. | My girlfriend and I have had a wonderful relationship going on 2 years now. The first year she would try to have guy friends to talk to a lot but all 4 of them ended up trying to break her up with me and date them, (including a couple exes). Therefore she realized how much it hurt me that she was letting guys do this and stopped trying make guy buddies. Recently I found out that she is now her exes sponser (person he talks to when he has an addiction urge) her ex is in Japan as a marine and doesn't plan on coming back to the states. When I told her that it makes me really worried/upset that she would do that, she told me that I don't trust her or forgive her for Cheating on me with this guy when we first started dating (they didn't have sex). Should I keep trying to get her to stop talking to him, or am I really being too uptight? | My girlfriend of 2 years is talking to her deployed out of the States ex whom she cheated on me with the first month of our relationship. |
t3_1yhun4 | relationships | How often do you all communicate with your s/o? | Basically I [20m] and my gf [20f] of 2 months dont text that much throughout the week. I see her on average about 1-2 times a week. We both have jobs and school.
Like I said, we don't text that much, and we dont really phone each other as that basically puts a stop to anything you are doing whereas a text you can respond whenever you get the chance. But the texting thing bothers me, and I know I should bring this up to her next time we see each other just to clarify. I know she will be on her phone all day (twitter, facebook, snapchat, etc) yet she wont text me a simple her whats up. Its been 24+ hours since I last texted her, (she had a doctors appointment, and I texted her checking to see if everything went ok) I know she looked at it, (maybe just forgot to respond??) everything is fine because of said fb comments, twitter messages to friends, but to me nothing.
I know this is something I need to bring up since it does bother me a bit and its important to communicate each others feelings, but am I crazy for expecting some kind of communication at least once a day? The fact that she is actively on her phone shows she has some "free" time, and its so easy to just send some kind of communication. | Seems that me and my gf arent on the same terms and I need to bring it up. Before asking her since I wont see her until tomorrow, I would like some of your comments |
t3_20dv0p | relationship_advice | I (23m) think my (21f) girlfriend is cheating. Also very likely I'm completely inventing it out of paranoia. | I'll try to keep this brief.. My girlfriend, who I moved in with a few months ago, is a student in a very academically rigorous program. She also suffers from high levels of anxiety. When we started dating, during the summer, we had amazing sex, and with great regularity. As soon as the semester started, it dropped to maybe once or twice a month. I tried to just attribute it to the stress, but I felt that my needs were kind of being put to the doorstep. A few months later, I notice that she is constantly texting someone, a friend from her program, whom she states that she has a purely platonic relationship with. This would be fine, if her texting habits with me were that she barely if at all responds to my texts. I then find out through our roommate that he's in love with her but she's apparently shot him down several times. This doesn't change the fact that they text/hang out constantly through school. I eventually break the trust barrier and check her texts, and go figure, he's flirting with her constantly, though to her defense she completely ignores any of the flirtations. We've had several fights about it, because I don't want to control her life, but considering our sex life, and the fact that she spends all her time not at school or home with him, I can't help but feel, well, like crap. I have to state again, nothing in what I've seen indicates she's interested, and when confronted she broke down and kept trying to reassure me everything was fine, and that she wasn't interested. Am I inventing this, or is there something to worry about? I should mention that I have been cheated on before, and that may attribute to some unnecessary paranoia. | Girlfriend hangs out with school friend who fancies her constantly, says he's just a friend. I call bullshit, what do? |
t3_rocj1 | relationships | Did a big no, no - Try again? | am completely lost. I have known a girl for a long time now. And I have lost complete interest in other women. I can't even look at other people anymore as they pale in comparison to her.
Now here is where the bad comes in. I have been at the social backfoot since young years but has some time ago turned the tables. I am the center of the party and I look above average (I am not saying this to brag, but more that it was my triumph over having been bullied and discarded when I was little)
However after learning how to effectively be social among friends, among women I have enormous trouble learning dating and have rejected more then one girl as I haven't been able to initiate.
It hasn't bothered me til now. I cannot stop thinking about this woman.
It started after I was visiting her workplace for a project. At that time I had no thoughts about her, it was just an interview. I even suggested to do it over the web but she was quick to mention if I would come in person.
We chatted here and there between her shifts, mostly I was interviewing others. After the second visit (my last) I started to have this burning passion for her.
But I knew that she wasn't interested in me so I did the worst thing possible.
I messaged her a proposal where I wrote that I knew she wasn't interested and here is your chance to let me down and kill the feelings.
After a long long pause she wrote back ''It wouldn't work out'' and the hastily told me to have a good weekend!!
I just feel disastrous after it. If I only have been able to do it in person it would have been different.
I am completely split. I don't know if I unknowingly friendzoned her, made myself look like a creepy, awkward guy and made her feel uncomfortable.
Most importantly I wish I could approach her and just talk in general. However I feel thats impossible as it feels like I burned all bridges. | Feel like I burned bridges and don't know if to try again and redeem myself or come out looking like a pushy desperate guy. |
t3_3panih | relationships | 18 year old college student who is sick of roommate of about a month and a half... need advice. | I'm a freshman at college, and I applied to be housed in a dorm that has a "writers" theme to it, as I have an interest in creative writing.
I got in, but it isn't anything like what I imagined, my suite is the only one on my floor that has guys in it, and I don't really like any of my suitemates.
My roommate in particular is the focus of this post. He's basically the anti-bro. In my roommate selection survey I filled in the bubble for "neat" in regards to my cleanliness level, and since I'm coming from a household where I had to share a bedroom with a very messy sibling, I was really looking forward to having someone clean to share my space with.
And I got that, but I also got a guy with a log jammed up his ass. Not only is he super anal when it comes to the room/suite, he's stand-offish, awkward, and impossible to hold a conversation with unless it's about him or something he's really interested in.
I've brought a few people over to my dorm and when they met him they agreed with me, so I know I'm not crazy or overreacting.
Of these people, my girlfriend is the one who has been over the most, and in the beginning of the semester there was some animosity between my roommate and I because on a couple of occasions he almost walked in on us having sex.
I broke up with said girlfriend, the animosity faded, and then I got back together with her, she's over a lot now, and the animosity is back. I just feel very uncomfortable being in the same room as him, and am looking to change rooms/dorms next semester. | Roommate is antisocial, assholish, and gets pissed that I have my girlfriend over a lot. |
t3_2d5ob2 | relationships | Me [20 M] with my GF [21 F] 7months, broke up this summer but thought about getting back together when we restart college. Can it work? | I met a nice girl at college a year ago. We hit it off. Started dating and she became my girlfriend. There was a lot of drama at the beginning due to my roommate objecting because he liked her too. This caused me and my gf to become intimate, very quickly. The pressure pushed us to move very fast. We were sleeping with each other most nights and spending a lots of time together. Overall a great relationship.
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Fast forward to summer. She lives in another state. The relationship becomes long distance. Minimal contact due to holidays for a month. A few snapchats and messages a week. I visited her, meeting her family, however things between us felt awkward. Over those few days I asked what was wrong. She said she didn't know what she wanted and wondered if we had entered the relationship too early and quickly.
It felt like the chemistry we had was dissolving. We stopped getting along, just over a few days! I was frustrated and suggested breaking up. This accelerated and we amicably decided to split as it wasn't feeling right. We wanted to stay friends. So i've been NC for a few weeks. I'm not distraught. I look back over the relationship quite fondly.
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As we broke up, we mentioned trying again back at college. Though I think the damage may have already been done. I have no idea if no contact will cause her to change her mind, or if seeing me again in the new semester will make a difference.
We will likely meet up for a coffee in the new semester. Is it be wise to pursue a second attempt? The general answer is to move on and I could do that; but I think we can give it a better shot, instead of jumping ship at the first hurdle. Also, staying friends will be hard for us not to get back together in a drunken stupor. I want to be wise in deciding this.
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**PLEASE HELP** Any tips on what I can do or for the future. Much appreciated. Thank you. | Split up with GF over summer between college amicably. Chemistry seemed to vanish after our month spent apart. Wondering if wise to try again when returning to college. |
t3_217lih | relationships | Love Triangle | I'm an eighteen year old who was in a relationship with a girl also 18 years old in my school for six months. It was intense but we broke up a month ago.
She was really close to another guy, a close friend of mine, for a long time, and everyone thought they would be a couple. When he didn't make a move, I thought it was okay for me to. I developed strong feelings for her and I still think of her everyday.
Yesterday she told me she was dating my friend and I don't know what to do now. Either be cool with it and watch with jealousy, the woman I still have strong feelings for be with a good friend, or say no and lose two good friends. I'm eighteen and practical enough to know what I feel isn't love. It feels like a knife twisting in my heart every second I think about them, it is hard not to. I've got my competitive exams(that decide my career) coming up in 2 weeks and it is extremely difficult for me to concentrate, I keep drifting away. I feel like shit and I wouldn't mind ending it all if I found a quick and easy way to do it. | My ex I still have feelings for wants to date a good friend of mine. She wants to know whether it will mess up our friendship. What do I do? |
t3_4bt697 | legaladvice | [WA] Sketchy employer behavior regarding not paying overtime and hiring two people then firing one of them. | I am trying to figure out if there is more to my previous employers frustrating and sketchy actions, or if this is a situation that I just need to let go and move on with my life from. There are two questions in here, the first part being that they hired two people then let one go, and now won't give me a severance I was verbally promised (wish I had it writing), and part two regarding not being paid overtime.
**Part One**
Three months ago I interviewed and was offered a job, they told me they couldn't decide between two of us so they hired both since they thought we were so great! It's a small company owned by a husband and wife, we didn't really interview with the wife, however it turns out she sort of runs the ship. The other person hired clicked with the wife a lot more (she was very bossy, micromanage-y, and overall I didn't enjoy her and I think she knew it). Also possibly relevant, I was the higher paid of the two of us.
There was honestly not enough work for two people doing the same job, and we would get in trouble if we were helping each other work (as opposed to finding out own stuff to do).
Fast forward to the 90 day review time, long story short I was let go. It was a frustrating situation where I was sent a cryptic email that suggested I would be fired in 5 days, and had to go into the office and ask my boss if he was going to fire me on Monday morning at 8am - this being Friday afternoon - and he admitted to it and so I left then as opposed to dragging it out over the weekend. At that time he told me verbally that I would be receiving two weeks of pay as a severance (not legally required, but I guess because he felt bad firing me for no real good reason other than his wife not liking me).
I got my last paycheck, and there was no severance. I have been texting, calling, and emailing for 4 days now and my boss is not responding (the texts show he's read it). This is not surprising given his usual submissive and avoiding personality. I also can't get my pay stubs from him. | Job was hiring one person, hired two because they couldn't decide, then fired the one they liked less. Possibly the plan all along. |
t3_vhub0 | relationship_advice | [19/f] Is my boyfriend (20/m) a cheap date? | Well, here's the back story... My boyfriend and I met during college this last year. We've been dating for about 7 months. Since it's now summertime, we've both gone back to live with our parents until school resumes. The problem is, we now live about an hour and a half away from each other. We try to make sure we can see each other every week or so, but the gas adds up and gets expensive. We take turns driving down to each others houses so no one has to spend more on gas than the other. For awhile, if I spent money to go see him, he would buy dinner - and if he drove down to see me, I would buy dinner. But lately, even when I drive down, I've been constantly picking up the tab, and I know he is financially sound. Maybe even more so than me. He buys himself new clothes and video games all the time. How do I bring up the fact that I can not always pick up the tab when we go out? The other night he asked, "Who's paying?" while I was at his place, and I found myself just saying I can cover it again. I don't think he's trying to guilt me into paying... but I'm not sure.
Reddit, what do I do to put our date finance "rules" back into place again? Is he just using me for free dinner? | Every time I go visit my out of town boyfriend, I have to pick up the tab - even though we are both financially capable. |
t3_2sx7il | relationships | Me [23 F] with my crush [34 M] i think i scared off an incredibly attractive guy by talking about my open marriage and other stuff | I am married, in an open relationship, and about a month ago I slept with a guy I really liked and wanted to see again. I told him I was married the night we hooked up and he told me I should have lied to him, then we talked more about my marriage and the idea of group sex. We were both really drunk but I'm scared that it might be the reason he never answered my text when I tried to contact him afterward.
I saw him recently, but he was at work and really had no choice but to talk to me (didn't stalk him, just happened to pop in.) It wasn't like I could really bring up what happened, either, since I was with my friend and Crush had a ton of customers.
So my question at this point is: should I try to contact him again? Should I address in any way that I sense awkward tension? | I hooked up with a hot guy while I was drunk, I think I might have scared him off by being a freak, I want to jump his bones again, but I'm not sure if I should even try. |
t3_2r4dz0 | relationships | I (27f) met a guy (29m) online and have been talking to him for a year. But a guy I used to know has now asked me out. What do I do? | Hi guys. I'll keep this short and sweet. I am moving to another country in a year. For the past year, I've been talking to a man from that country online, who I met on a forum (I'm not moving for him but he was a happy surprise). I can say that I have feelings for him but it is, of course, on online relationship. We talk daily and I was very happy to go and meet him. For all intents and purposes, I was super into him, but the fact that he doesn't have a very good job (he works part time at best, still lives at home, etc.) is a real turn off to me. And no, I am not a gold digger. I make enough money on my own.
On New Year's Eve I got an e-mail from someone I used to know from work as our company did business with his. He is the Executive Vice President of a big company in a luxury field, and we always had a flirty rapport. It struck me as a total surprise because I hadn't heard from him in well over a year and it came out of the blue. He asked me out for drinks. I was never able to go out with him as I was dating someone at the time, but I definitely found him attractive and always wanted to, but just left it alone.
What do I do? I really enjoy speaking to the guy online and have real feelings for him, but I am also practical and.. after all, it's not like we can actually spend time together. How real can an online thing be? But I don't want to break his heart, nor do I really want to go out for drinks either. | In an online relationship. Got asked out for drinks by a real keeper, but I don't really want to go out for drinks. |
t3_3iph76 | relationships | I [23 M] cant seem to get any replies from dating sites. | About me: Fairly average in my lifestyle, looking for a job, half way through school. Looks i would like to think are above average.7-8 when i try and dress nice, 6 with sort of messy hair and very casual clothes like sweatpants. Skinny/working out trying to get more fit. Blonde hair, long(I have been told a lot i look better with long hair), etc.
Im pretty friendly, i try conversations, bringing up things in profiles online. Im not great with people in person, so its very difficult for me to pass that barrier of getting comfortable with talking to people for a while before i can have a nice conversation, going digital helps me, or over the phone, but with my many, hundreds in the past few years of messages and attempts, i have gotten nowhere. Nearly no replies, those who do reply usually dont reply twice, even with me doing a fairly good job of progressing the casual conversation about music or food or whatever else i decide to comment on. I try to stick to one thing i find interesting or i could talk about with them, so a place they want to go or have been.
I would like to think i'm not completely socially inept and am just oblivious about it.
I try to read things over to make sure its not something i would cringe at or anything too forward.
But in 3 years, i haven't been able to get a date, i got 1 number but she was "Shy" and didn't want to talk on the phone or meet or anything.
My standards aren't anything extravagant.
I have no idea what to do or how to do it. I was popular with girls in highschool, i had a few relationships but it was high school and college. Mostly i would have classes with them so i could get the chance to get used to in person and get along with before going out. | Terrible in person, trying to get a date online to let me become comfortable with talking, with little to no progress. |
t3_2nsw0w | relationships | Me [17 M] and my friend [17 F] just started randomly holding hands and kissing yesterday and now we're in this stage where we don't know what to do. | So me and my two friends M 17 and F 17 went out shopping for a few hours yesterday. After being out for a couple hours we went back to my friends house where we began watching a movie. During the movie me and the female friend are sitting on the couch and begin holding hands for no reason. Then we start kissing, we each had no clue where it came from. Now we're in this stage where we don't know what to do next. I'm really not sure if I should go with a relationship and risk the friendship being ruined and I'm not sure how strong I feel about her. | Myself [M17] and friend [F17] start randomly holding hands and kissing. Now not sure whether to go with relationship or not. |
t3_1ci7tx | relationships | 20[F] Currently in a FWB relationship with a 36[M], lasting for almost a year, may be getting too attached. | As stated in the title, I'm 20[f] and in a friends with benefits relationship with a 36[m]. It started about a year ago, he was recently divorced and I had just broken up with my boyfriend. There may be a lot of clarification to sort out later, I'm not my best right now.
We had started talking more and more and eventually realized that we were attracted to each other, and the sex started. It got a bit complicated as I had to move 5 hours away for a job, but he came to visit often enough.
The part that's complicated and confusing is that we became quite close friends as well. We help each other with problems, concerns, and talk every day, throughout the whole day. Both of us initiate conversation quite evenly, it's not one sided. He's helped me through a lot.
I recently spent a long weekend with him, and he seemed more emotionally attached. We usually try and stay distant enough where it's not strange, but close where it's still nice. He commented frequently how much he would love to just stay holding me, be close to me and how I'm perfect in each way. I'm not trying to brag here honestly it's just easier if I give examples I think.
When he leaves I feel extremely lonely, the afternoon is terrible (leaves in the morning to drive back). Lately he's helped me realize how bad I want someone to share my life with, I miss having that someone to take care of me, and me to take care of them.
I really don't know what to do or what to ask here, maybe some advice and go from there. | In a FWB relationship with older guy, don't know what to make of it and I'm quite lonely. Looking for advice. |
t3_3e29hy | relationships | Me [22 M] got cheated by my two best friends [23 F/M] while I though i had a possibility with the girl | This girl left his boyfriend thanks to me, I opened her eyes she said, i'm perfect and to never ever leave her. after having a few dates and kissing and sleeping together, she tells me she needs time to leave her boyfriend, who is in a separate city. I say ok and leave distance while she makes up her mind.
She sent me some messages that she left her boyfriend and so on, later on we meet, our group of friends, for 1 week holiday at my own beach house. In this time, she doesn't do anything to me, but i notice she's close with one other guy, my friend.
After the holiday, my friend comes clear and says they've been seeing each other and much likely will start a relation after summer.
I'm totally destroyed, not only by the fact about them (What can i do if they just like eachother) but about the things the girl did tell me, not telling me in the meantime, while i was thinking she was having trouble with her bf, but actually she was with my friend, and also having the balls to come to my own house in front of my face. I feel like they've laughted at me in front of my face, in my own house.
Reddit, i'm totally destroyed and I didn't know humans could be this selfish and destructive. She was my best friend for 2 years, she once said i was her most important person in this city, and now she totally destroyed me. Help me a bit!
I know we weren't in a relation, but i feel heavily betrayed. | who used to be my best friend, a girl promises me things, ask for time while leaving his boyfriend. in the meantime, fucks my other friend in my own holiday house, she didn't know how to tell me. |
t3_v1usz | relationships | Marriage and Child Free: Advice Needed | My wife and I got married at a *really* young age (20/m, 19/f). We were stupid and in love, and pulled the trigger. At the time, we both agreed that we were way too young to have kids, and would wait. Occasionally, the conversation came up that we would have kids in our mid- to late- 20s. (25-27). Fast forward to today (both 27 now), and last year I told her that I did not want to have kids at all. I had been thinking about this for a bit, and I cannot ever really see myself having children.
This set her back, and we obviously had a very serious conversation about it. She came back and said that she was also sure she didn't want children *right now*, and if (when?) the time came we would have to have that conversation again.
Now, I'm perfectly happy and fine being child free. It took me a lot of time to come to this decision. However, I now am super concerned that my wife and I will probably end our relationship at some point in the near future when she decides she does want to have children. I'm not sure how to talk about this point because when we do talk about kids, she reminds me that she's sure she doesn't want children *right now*.
I'm also torn with a bit of guilt because we never really discussed this when we were younger (again, young and dumb), and both of us just naturally assumed children would happen one day (because that's what good boys and girls do).
I want some closure, as this is really heavy on me, but I can't push her into a decision on this point. Anyone been in this situation, and have any advice they can pass on? | Got married young, decided I didn't want children several years into the marriage. Still unsure where she stands, need advice |
t3_2syvog | tifu | TIFU destroyed my bfs ego | This happened a couple of days ago .. My bf is a loving, awesome, fun guy. The only negative is that he's 32 and has multiple jobs as if he's 22. At this age, and the nature of our serious relationship, I expected a man with a career and set up for a future. He also has no degree because he doesn't believe in college. I'm not even sure if he's applying to other jobs to buckle down and get serious, when I asked for proof, he told me to gtfo and its his business, not mine.
BTW: Im working seriously hard, finishing up my masters in bio and working two jobs (including 24 hrs on wkends) (I don't have any days off) and I feel like he's not meeting my hustle. Honestly, I feel like he works to barely make enough for rent and then a little more, and plays video games (kindve part of one of his jobs) more than he works. But he's truly an awesome guy aside from all of this. | cool bf, doesn't make good money, not making effort to get career, gf works her ass off, what do I do? |
t3_2n88es | relationships | Update 2: My [23F] bf [22M] might get fired for dating me. I don't know what to do to make this work. (Slightly misleading title) | First post [here]( | bf broke up with me Friday morning. In a text. While I was in class. I don't know what to do. |
t3_526y2h | relationships | 20M with desire for women older than me - is this a realistic scenario - and if it is, how to approach it? | 20M who has had some serious life changes that resulted in a lot of new and different interests.
Working full time at a local hospital making 36k-ish a year while I do a mix of online/physical classes working towards the end game of my masters degree. Have my own respectable car, working hard to take care of myself/wear nice clothing/hit the gym/etc. I take pride in what I do have going for myself because I work hard for it but at the same time I feel that the women I'm after probably expect/want more.
A coworker of mine is 29, very attractive, and a few weeks ago she and I were texting with all going well until she asked how old I was. I don't hide anything and I told her and while she didn't directly say she was no longer interested - her willingness to keep the conversation going obviously went downhill.
I turn 21 in a few months and I would be nice if while I'm grabbing a few drinks if and meet an older woman - that I can at least.. Optimize my chances. I realize it comes down to personal taste - and I wonder if older women ever have interest toward younger guys anyways.
I understand that these women at probably looking for older guys for long term relationships.. But I honestly just want casual company/hookups at the moment anyways. Just.. Less with girls my age. (Not to say I deny women my age Hahahaha) this is all of course just my personal preference.
Any tips/experiences/etc are welcome! Especially any older women who may have/may not have taken to younger men - or younger men who have had success with older women. | 20M interested in older women, wondering if I'm swinging in the wrong batting cage - or if I CAN land these home runs, what's the best technique in doing so. |
t3_4von6m | dating_advice | Time to throw a hail Mary or cut bait? | Howdy reddit! So I (29) matched with a girl (28) on tinder 3 months ago. I wasn't fully sold on her after the first date, so I put her on ice a bit (which I imagine she interpreted as games) and she's gamed me back twice as hard… as a result, we're still stuck on just that one date. For the most part, we've been in contact once a week or so (calls to setup dates which fell through), but she ended up adding me on fb and insta to "stalk me" (her words) in the meantime. After her 2nd flake, I didn't respond to her text, to which she double texted 2 days later suggesting another time. I responded back a few days and we set a date for a Friday 2 weeks out (bc of me being out of town) which she later asked to move to Sunday to entertain an "out of town friend"… regardless, she promised to plan an "epic brunch adventure' and said she'd "make me love it"… I text her that Sunday around 11am asking what the plan was. She gets back to me almost 3 hours later suggesting afternoon drinks… I never responded to that text.
Is there a play here anymore? I'm actually pretty interested in this girl and I know she's interested in me(to some extent), but I realize it's dragged on far too long… time to cut bait? | been gaming back and forth with girl for 2+ months now with only one date to show for. Blew off her last text, any way to salvage this situation? or time to cut my losses? |
t3_jickg | relationships | Would cutting contact be a good idea or should I stay friends with (F) co-worker. Stuck in a weird situation and not sure what to do. | I'm a 27 year old male and work at a store with a 19 year old female. Over the past few months, she's been very flirty to me specifically but I did not express any interest in her at first due to the age gap. She would find ways to team up with me on projects and we would be together every day at work until all the co-workers just assumed there was something going on between us but neither of us addressed it.
I am starting to like her but don't know what to do. She texts me a lot and we chat on skype, mostly just joking around and flirty shit. I'm pretty sure she has a thing for me from the hints she's dropped but I'm also pretty sure she has a boyfriend but whenever I try to bring it up she changes the subject or vaguely says he's a friend. A few days ago I saw her randomly with a guy holding hands. She didn't see me and later she texted me asking something and I replied and asked what the did that day. She said something along the lines of "just hung out with a friend shopping". Now I'm stuck in a weird situation where I'm not sure what's happening. I'm still having reservations about the age gap so this might be a good thing. Should I not pursue anything? Cut contact? (difficult...we work together and everyone there sorta knows what's happening so they usually team us up anyway) Stay just friends? She doesn't seem to be the type of person who would cheat but then again...I've only known her 4 or 5 months and have been serious friends 2 or 3 months so I wouldn't say I know her TOO well. Sorry for the rambling post. sorta drunk... | Falling for co-worker who might already have a possible boyfriend. Hard to cut all contact since we work together. What to do? |
t3_21wbmk | relationships | long distance boyfriend (36M) ignored me (25F) confiding in him I was raped. Is that normal for guys?? | My boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for a few months shy of a year, but we've know each other for 2 years. About three weeks ago I confided in him that I was raped (as a child) via email. I know that telling someone something so heavy might be odd to say through an email, but we both tend to process things better when we write, or share through writing. I hope that makes sense. The note was NOT a detailed, breakdown of what happened - I know very few would want to know that, and its not important, but I did share how it impacts me in a very matter of fact way- low drama. I also felt this was an appropriate time to share this info with him.
I know that he got the email and I also sent another one about a week later asking if he cared/had any thoughts, and again got no response. He is not a big emailer - but he always reads everything I send him. We have seen each other since but this was never brought up. I feel so awkward bringing it up, and honestly, this is NOT something that affects my everyday experience, or hinders my sex life in an obvious way, but it's still something that I felt I wanted support for after bringing it up.
My BF is a total workaholic, and so this could have slipped his mind as well. I just have no clue if I handled it correctly, and should I be concerned that he didn't even acknowledge what i shared at all? Should I bring this up? I'm not sad or hurt just rather confused that he brushed over this and had NO reaction.
Also I don't want to discuss my rape with him insofar as what happened- I would share anything if he asked and I made that clear in my notes- and also that I was not looking for a therapy session, just understanding.
We are fairly close, but usually as I said, appreciate notes to share our emotions over certain things. I am very puzzled by him not responding at all or even acknowledging what i shared- what do you think I should do? | BOYFRIEND OF A YEAR HAD NO RESPONSE TO ME CONFIDING IN HIM I WAS RAPED AS A CHILD. NOT SURE WHAT THAT MEANS, HELP?! |
t3_1twzai | cats | New kitten help please. | Hey /r/cats! My boyfriend and I found/adopted a kitten that looks about 4 weeks old and we could use some advice on litter problems.
She seems pretty healthy. Eyes are open, responds to sights and sounds well, and no blood or anything in her urine. She seems litter trained, because she poops in her box but there's one problem.
We took her into the vet yesterday because I noticed she'd poop in the litter box but she'd pee outside (under the christmas tree or in the hallway) and I didn't want it to be a urinary infection. The vet said she was fine and didn't have an infection... ok... so on to the next step.
We moved the box to the hallway (where she went the most), places a second clean box in the bathroom, and got unscented litter, and also kitten training (dr. Elsies kitten attract) litter. The kitten attract litter seemed to work, when we place her in there after her naps she pees in there with no problem. But the few times I tried to let her walk over herself, she doesn't and goes to pee somewhere else.
She's also grown so attached to me that when I'm not around her she cries and cries... last night after 3 hours of sleep my bf woke me up because she was crying and he didn't want her to disturb the neighbors. So I took her out of the bathroom (we had a box, food, water, and toys in there) and brought her in bed. She promptly curled up in my neck and hair and dozed off. After an hour she got up and jumped off the bed I got up and followed her, caught her just before she was going to pee in the hall (one foot away from the box) and put her in it. She immediately pees and we go back to bed. Every hour for the next 6 hours we repeated this potty dance. And every hour she wouldn't go pee in the box unless I place her in.
Has anyone ever gone through this and have a solution or something we haven't tried yet? | Overly attached kitten will go poop in her box but will not pee unless I physically place her in the box. Vet says its not a urinary infection. |
t3_474bul | relationships | Me (m21) and this girl (f22) met online, we just spent the past few days together, and I had a panic attack, not about her, but me. Help | I met a girl who I had been talking to for 6 weeks online this past week. Backing up a bit, She came to visit a few weeks ago for a day and we hit it off well, but I wasn't comfortable, I have been on many dates, but this was new to me. Texting her I was fine, I was calm, confident, flirtatious, the works. But when I met her for the first time I lost that, I was just anxious. The second time, I lost control of my emotions. I'm not a very emotional guy, past girlfriends have told me to be more emotional, and that finally happened, but at the wrong time... We spent the past 5 days together, and I was tearing myself apart. She's an introvert/extrovert, but more introvert. She doesn't display emotion very well, and I would take that as a big "not into you" body language. Then we talked about it, and she said she doesn't mean to come off that way at all, that she likes me a lot. There is way too much to put in here I feel like. But how can I show her that I have self control, that I'm not super emotional and unstable. Because I know I'm not. But why is this happening? And how can I reassure her of that? | met a girl online, met in person, I freaked out and want to reassure her I'm not emotionally unstable. |
t3_fhy91 | AskReddit | How can I scam the guy who scammed my gf? | Okay, so my gf used Gumtree.com to buy some Cirque du Soleil tickets as a suprise for me, she met up with the seller and paid £80 in cash in exchange for the tickets. We were super excited and we ended up taking the 1 hour trip to the Royal Albert Hall in London only to find out at the door that our tickets were invalid.
After some questioning, all the ticket office will tell us that the tickets were bought via an "illegal transaction" and that they were invalid. They have seen this before a hundred times and theres nothing they can do.
So, we try calling the mobile number of the seller and predictably we get no reply. Obviously being pissed at losing out on £80, more than anything I was pissed that a dick had scammed my gf who was trying to do something nice for me.
SOO, we notice that the scammer is also selling other tickets on Gumtree - my gf creates a novelty email account and emails him asking for availability... and the cheeky b*****d replies saying yes!
Soo, we now have his mobile number and his email address. Going by his previous sale, he would be up for a meet to make the exchange. So what can I do to fuck this guy up/ scam him back/ troll him to death? any ideas?
Any scams (other than tearing him a new asshole) can you suggest? | Ticket seller scammed my gf, we have his mobile number and email address pretending to be willing new buyers, he will be willing to meet up, how do we scam him back? |
t3_ee39i | AskReddit | My mom has social anxiety/agoraphobia...how do I get her to acknowledge this and seek help? | My mom has never had friends as long as I have been alive, she was a stay at home mom, she used to travel some when I was a kid, but has now gotten to the point of refusing to travel and will not drive more than 10 miles or so from the house.
My brother and his wife recently had the first grand-baby, but they live 1000 miles away from my parents. My dad is facing retirement in the next year and wants to move closer to them. My brother and his wife want them to move closer as well so their kid can know the grandparents and they will have a built-in babysitter. My mom is refusing.
She went to visit a couple months ago (the first time she has been to see my brother and sister-in-law since they moved away 9 years ago) and since that trip she is shutting down at an alarming rate. She gets angry any time someone mentions traveling to visit her children or grandchild and comes up with paper-thin excuses and changes the subject. My parents have to downsize in order for my dad to be able to retire and she says no to any option he provides. There are no reasons for her to stay where they are (no friends, no family, no activities) and she is finally running out of excuses and is just shutting down and getting angry.
It is reaching a breaking point and I don't know where it's going. She clearly has emotional and anxiety issues that are preventing her from having any meaningful relationships outside of the family and her refusal to visit any of her children and grandchild is causing serious damage to her family relationships as well.
How do you get someone to realize they need to seek help? Especially if it's your mother. | My mother has social anxiety or agoraphobia and needs to seek help. It is destroying all her relationships. Can you do an intervention for this kind of thing? |
t3_4s079c | relationships | My (25f) boyf (25m) says he doesn't love me. | We've been together for 9 months. I told him I loved him about 4 months in. I knew I meant it when I said it but he never reciprocated and I was ok with it. This was never a problem for me since I know people reach that point at different times. Moving forward to yesterday. We were in bed talking and he was upset (jokingly) that he wasn't my best friend but I was his. And he said "How can you love me and I'm not your best friend?" I replied "How can I be your best friend and you not love me? They aren't mutually exclusive" Then he told me that on average he has told his past 4 girlfriends that he loved them at 6 months. I was really hurt and I asked him why he told all his past girlfriends that he loved them at 6 months but it's been 9 months for us and he still didn't feel anything. He went on to say that he hypothesized and said he doesn't think it has anything to do with me as a person and he has changed. He then later said he doesn't actually know why. He kept saying "Aren't we having fun together? Isn't it enough that I treat you good"
I feel like I'm at a crossroads but I don't know if I'm overreacting for being this upset about it. He really does treat me good but I'm not looking to stay in a relationship that may forever stay loveless. What are your thoughts? | Boyf told me he has told all his past girlfriends that he loved them at 6 months. We have been together 9 months and he is still unable to say he loves me and can't explain why. I need an outsider view. |
t3_2rlj6b | dating_advice | 25[M], lost my dating confidence and not sure how to regain it. | Had a long-term relationship breakup last year and since then, I haven't so much as been on a date let alone kissed a girl, hooked up etc. I've tried Tinder, PoF and all that but never really got past the formalities and small-talk. I have never been the type to just pick up at bars and clubs etc so I barely try, instead I have a good night with mates.
Compounding that is the fact that I've been seeing a psychiatrist due to some ongoing anxiety and depression issues which may in fact be something a bit more serious and chronic in nature (Type II bipolar or cyclothymia), plus I've been having some issues with sleep and possible sleep apnoea.
Having dealt with a lot of anxiety in the past I'm usually good at blowing off negative self-defeating beliefs, but it feels like it's been so long since I've hooked up/dated etc, at a time when I could/should be more often, and the self-fulfilling prophecy is just digging a deeper hole and my confidence is fuck all.
I'm sort of in a period in my life where I'm being reminded by friends and family that 'you should just focus on yourself right now'. While they're right to an extent, I feel like the longer I leave it the more my self-esteem and confidence with the opposite sex dwindles. I'm not even sure if I just want to play the field or a relationship right now, but I know my self-esteem is a bit shot to try either. Anyone have any tips for helping me regain some confidence? | Confidence with girls at an all time low in my mid-twenties, not sure how to get it back. |
t3_3stea5 | relationships | I [21 M] just caught my little brother [15M] sneaking beers from a secret stash. HOW DO I APPROACH THIS? | My little brother and I are good friends, we have an awesome relationship. I just caught him sneaking beers from a stash he had outside (he went to play basketball outside but didn't have shoes on so I went to go make fun of him and bring some). I was recording him secretly as a joke and accidentally caught him taking beers from our neighbour's back deck.
I confronted him immediately, asked him to show me what was in his pocket. My dad came outside asking what was up and I covered for him but told him that I'd have a serious talk with him. My problem is, I have no clue how to approach this without damaging our relationship. He looks up to me, and I'm usually the one that he listens to most. How do I use my role in his life as an advantage here?
I'm really worried about him. His grades are horrible and he's friends with the 'popular' jocks. How do I approach this? If you were in his position, what do you think would've helped you? | Caught my 15 y/o brother sneaking beers from a secret stash, don't know whether I should tell my parents or not and what I should say to him. |
t3_1wneun | relationships | Should I (18f) just leave him (20m) alone or just wait for him? | I've had the biggest crush on this guy, and when we first met, I was looking for a job and he told me to apply at his. Luckily, I got the job and we quickly became really close friends. Throughout my time working with him, I could never tell if he was really interested though. We'd sit in my car after work and talk for hours, but he'd never make a move or anything so I just thought that he considered us really great friends. Anyway, he's left for college, about 10 hours away, and his last day at work was right before new years, when we finally hung out one on one.
On New Years, we went to a friend's house and ended up upstairs in my friend's room. There, we began to play-fight, and ended up laying on the bed and talking for an hour, until I finally couldn't stand it anymore and kissed him mid-sentence. We ended up making out for a while, and then we went downstairs and watched a movie, cuddling on the couch and touching each other under a blanket. After the movie ended, we went back upstairs and we hooked up, pausing only to look at the clock and see that it was midnight, said happy new years, kissed and kept going ;) and then finished up around one. When it was time to go, we walked to his car and he kissed me goodbye, and he told me "see ya in four months" since he'd be coming back to our job after spring semester was over.
Anyway, the day after, I texted him that I couldn't stop thinking about him, and he responded with "haha what are you up to?" and we had the whole "not much, wbu?" convo before it just died.
we haven't really talked since. his birthday was yesterday, and I called him but he didn't answer. it sucks because I really like him and think he's amazing, so should I just leave him alone since he doesn't seem to share the same sentiments I do regarding hooking up, or should I wait around on the chance that maybe when he comes back, we can pick up where we left off?
thanks :) | I hook up with close friend (who i really like) day before he leaves for college. he'll be back in four months. should i wait on the off chance that we can pick back up where we left off? |
t3_41bz1l | tifu | TIFU by watching football | Ok so as most of these go, it didn't happen today. This happened a few months ago when I was on a cruise.
You all remember this day. The Sunday when the Carolina Panthers played the New Orleans Saints. It was an unusually rainy and windy day aboard the Carnival Sensation, but the weather did nothing to dampen the vibe of the Saints fans. (A little background info here. This ship ported out of New Orleans and I would say 75% of the passengers were from Lousiana.) Everyone could be seen wearing Saints attire and heard yelling "WHO DAT?!" at the top of their lungs. Ah yes, 'twas the day for Carolina to retain their streak, I thought.
So, the game turns on and we immediately have bad reception due to being in the Gulf of Mexico and having bad weather. Butthurt fans circlejerk around the crew expecting them to fix it immediately. Death and dismemberment threats could be heard. Suddenly, it turned back on with pristine quality just as Cam Newton rushed it in for a TD. Me, being a Carolina fan and Cam Newton fan, run around the place dabbing on everyone and everything, enraging the Southerners clustered in the place. I finish my dabbing spree by hitting one last one in front of the TV. This is where the fuck up starts. The TV turned off. I had no idea that people could hate one man so much. No idea that chairs could be thrown so far and so hard. I heard swear words said that day that I didn't even know existed. I blacked out in the midst of things and awoke in an empty room with post game coverage on saying Carolina won. I smiled as if it was all worth. | Panthers and Saints were playing each other. I was among a lot of saints fans. Dabbed in front of tv and blamed for loss and was beat up and yelled at. |
t3_3gvqug | relationships | I [M 21] am dating a girl [F 21] who is afraid of being hurt by long term relationship | Quick background info, I have been seeing a girl whom I have been friends with for several years the past few months. We have had an attraction for about a year and around fall last year went on several dates, which went well, but we ended it for several reasons. We both moved on but about 5 months ago we started talking a lot again and 3 months ago we started seeing each other.
For most of this time, things went very well. We talked alot, had some really good dates and had similar personalities so we did not clash or argue. But about a week ago, she called me and laid a bit of a bombshell on me.
Basically, she has had several long term relationships where she fell for a guy, dated for several years, at which point it soured and she ended up heartbroken. She has started realizing she is falling for me, and whats more, due to our personalities, long time friendship and how its gone so far, realized that there is a strong chance we could end up dating for a long time.
She summarized it that it scares her, both in a good and bad way. She described it as bad because she is afraid of what may happen and good because its the best shes felt about a guy and a relationship in years and she is afraid she will mess it up or that it is too good to be true. She also stated that she may need some time and space to get past her fears of being hurt caused by exes.
My question is basically, what do you all think of this? From what I can tell, she is being very cautious and the best thing to do is slow it down, give her some time and patience and not be pressuring, clingy or judgemental. Any advice would be awesome, thanks! | Girl I have been seeing is afraid of relationships after several bad ones, afraid of screwing things up with me. Not sure how best to handle it |
t3_35w2qa | relationships | My [25M] long distance girlfriend [28F] wants an open relationship | Hi everyone!
About 8 months ago I met my current girlfriend. She was in a relationship while we met but was already in the process of breaking it off. We get along very well and have a good dynamic. We talk every day and have met in person (despite being in different states) multiple times and plan to continue taking trips to meet each other until I graduate, at which point we'll think about long term living arrangements.
She's mentioned the idea of exploring an open relationship a few times. I'm really not very excited or happy about the idea, which I think I've made clear. She has her first "date" tonight, and although she has been very open and honest (I think!) about everything, I really struggle to understand why this is happening or how it could be good for us.
She's indicated that she's been in these longer relationships and wants to meet new people and have fun. She's indicated that it doesn't affect anything between us and she won't be developing a relationship with any of these people.
She's very dominant, but always asks if I'm okay with certain things before we do them. She's asked me if I want her to cancel tonight, which I've declined. She's hinted however, that not allowing her to do this probably won't be good for our chances of succeeding as a couple.
I'm really at a loss for what to do. I feel like us being long distance makes this hard enough already. | girlfriend interested in open long distance relationship that I'm not interested in. Is this healthy? Are we dooming ourselves? |
t3_y3dq3 | loseit | NSV- Ran 6.7 Miles instead of 2.5. | I usually run 2.5 mi on the weekends. I used to match what my friend, who inadvertently motivated me to lose weight, would run when we went out together. I knew that she could run further but figured that she was into cross country and I couldn't match what she would normally do so I figured 2.5 is where I stop and that does the job. Today that would not do the job. Today I cranked some Daft Punk and just ran for as long as I possibly could. Today I blew my old record of 3.3 out of the water.
Motivation: Ate Pizza Rolls at a LAN last night. I felt guilty this morning I suppose.
I've been lurking on loseit for a while -- I might post pics of the weight loss but probably not. | 2 years ago I was 165 lbs, 6 months later I was 125 lbs. I ate right and cut out soda and snacks. |
t3_2fa622 | relationships | I [23 F] attempted to discipline my roommate's [24 M] dog [8 mo. F]. Was I way out of line? | My roommate just got an 8 month old besenji-shiba mix from an adoption agency. The dog is sweet as can be but is wildly untrained. She isn't even house broken (is this normal for 8 months??). She constantly goes pee and poop in the house (20+ times and counting!) and shows little or no shame after being yelled at.
One time after peeing in the house the dog owner didn't make any moves to discipline the dog so I decided to take matters into my own hands. I wanted to discipline the dog by showing her the pee puddle so I grabbed her collar to point her head in the direction. I was very gentle at first but when she flopped to the ground in order to avoid being disciplined I snapped and began dragging her across the floor to the pee puddle. As soon as I started doing that I was being yelled at by my other roommates to let her go, so I did immediately and stopped what I was doing. I apologized to the dog owner for doing that after I calmed down.
I realize that I shouldn't be disciplining other people's dogs but having a sanitary house is important to me. I didn't think much of this incident but the other day the dog's lack of house training was brought up in conversation and I said that the dog hasn't been peeing in front of me as of late. Then the dog owner said under his breath, "Thank God." Was I way out of line? How do I make this better with my roommate and his dog? Or am I just over analyzing this situation? Thank you for your help, Reddit! | I disciplined my roommates dog for peeing for the twentieth time in our house in front of him. Was I out of line? |
t3_3x7ppl | relationships | Me [25 M] caught my lady [20 f] at her exes, locked in her exes room in his clothes. | I was waiting for her to get off work at her house, and she was late so I asked her what she was doing and she said she was hanging out drinking with a girlfriend and that her ex boyfriend was driving her there. He had picked her up from work. I protested to no avail. I ended up after 3 hours of sitting at her house going to bed when I woke up I had the urge to drive to his house. I did and I peeked in the window and saw her laying on his chest. I enter the room and made the roommates open the door to which I found her laying in his bed wearing his clothes. she claims they never fucked, she claims they were even talking about me. but after the not coming home, hanging out with her ex boyfriend in general and her girlfriend being nowhere in site, i was crushed.
In the past couple of days shes talked her way back into my arms. I cant stop thinking about this situation and how her ex has always been an issue. Always over stepping his boundary via text and visits
I love her, and she shows love to me, but i am at a loss for what to do. Or how to trust again. Can anyone lay down something sagelike for me? | found my girlfriend at her exes, laying on him in his clothes. His roommates tried to lie they weren't there. After he unlocked the door they both swore innocence |
t3_1goiph | Cooking | I made something by accident, and I'm not sure what it's called | The other day, my gf baked a cake, and asked me to make some chocolate frosting for it. I happily obliged her request, but I wanted to try something different. I had read on a blog post that making a hot simple water/flour thickening agent and adding that to the frosting would make it more smooth.
Well, I made my frosting, as usual save for the addition of my starch. But it came out very thin at first. No worries, I figured it would take a while for the starch and butter to re solidify, so I left the bowl of it out sitting in a larger bowl of cold water. And it did begin to thicken, but now it was like generic chocolate syrup.
Frustrated, I gave up and just was content in that I had found a way to make homemade chocolate syrup. I put the concoction in the fridge to await it's next use. The next day, I was surprised by what I had found. The mixture had partially solidified so that it thick and textured like frosting, but was runny like a thick and smooth polenta. It kinda reminds me of fudge in a way, if it was melted, but was still cold. I'm stumped as to what I made, but it is soooooo good on cookies, cakes, and even by the gluttonous spoonful.
Is there a word for what I made? Or is it just a runny kind of frosting? | I made a frosting that has the consistency and texture of fudge, but is runny like thick polenta. Think a really really thick mousse. And it is soooooo good..... |
t3_19lucm | BreakUps | She just cut me off (17) | Probably one of the lesser problems, and not really a relationship breakup but hit pretty hard nonetheless. But a girl I really like and have talked to for quite some time (3 months) finally hooked up with me. However the next night i had a major argument (mainly unrelated from hookup) and she wont text me or call me back. I have already apologized and texted her 4 times after she stopped responding and have also called her twice. She does not go to school with me and it is nearly impossible to see her in person if she doesnt want to. What is the best way in your guys opinion to try and get her to talk to me again? | months of talking, finally hookup, next night huge argument and she no longer responds. how do i talk to her again |
t3_2wfruw | relationships | Need advice on how I (M24) approach my ex (F22) about a casual relationship. | Ive recently started talking to my ex girlfriend again after a year and a bit of not talking.
We met when I was 20 and she 18 and were together for 3 years . Our breakup was pretty bad, we'd lived together permanently for two or so years and id gotten pretty apathetic about the whole thing (mainly due to my pot use) which eventually wound up with her sick of my bullshit and her dumping me and hooking up with one of her guy friends a week later (they went out for a few months). Since ive then I've been with afew girls but nothing to write home about but nor am I looking.
I ran into Holly the other day and started talking which led her inviting me up to her apartment and spent the afternoon chatting and catching up. Im guessing she was still comftable with me as there was a bit of close contact as in she grabbed me describing a story and then proceeded to show me her new tattoo on her bum. There was a bit of flirting but I'm not sure as it kinda reverted to how we were used to talking to each other. Im a bit of a pussy when it comes to making a move and in hindsight it couldve been an opportunity to do something but I didn't want to ruin any chance I may have had or do have by jumping the gun. We chilled for a couple hours and then parted ways with a hug and a kiss.
Now im shipping off to the airforce in afew months and I figure its worth a shot as im lazy and there seems like a fair chance. As I said im not looking for any emotional commitment atm and im aware theres a chance things could spark up again but im honestly not too worried.
My question is how should I approach suggesting a casual relationship with her? If its going to happen, will it happen itself? Should I make a move if I want it to happen? Or should I just straight up say it to her?
I haven't been in this situation before and I dont really want to fuck it up as its the only thing on my docket atm and Id really like some poontang before I march out. | Joining the airforce in afew months and want to have a casual relationship with my ex. Wondering how to approach it. |
t3_zxj0t | relationships | Hey guys, she said she wants to be friends with benefits but I want a relationship, what can I do?? | Alright so I'm [19M] and she's [17F]. I've known this girl for about two years and now she's one of my best friends. We had been interested in each other off and on, but every time I pushed for more she would always break it off. We wouldn't talk to each other for awhile each time, but sure enough, this chick always finds a way to get back in my life. Soo the real issue is this, we've been seeing each other recently and last night while we were fooling around we got on the subject of girlfriends somehow. So I asked straight up if she wanted to be my girlfriend, she politely told me no and that she wanted to be friends with benefits...that she wanted to be single when she went to college. Listen guys, I want this girl more than anything else, she's the only person that I really connect to, the one person I actually let inside. I want her and I don't want some tool at her college to have her. Now she doesn't go to college until the end of next summer, is there any way that I can win her in that time? I know this is a long shot, I'm just desperate for any kind of hope that this whole friends with benefits thing will evolve into an actual relationship. I mean don't get me wrong, sex with no strings attached is good and all, but she's the one for me and I cannot let her get away again. | This chick that I'm pretty much in love with wants to be friends with benefits and I want a relationship. Hoping you guys can help me/ give me some hope so that I can win her before she goes to college. |
t3_3wlmgf | relationships | Me [25 F] with my BF [33 M], I feel guilty over a gift he bought me for my birthday. | I've been with my BF for 5 months. For my birthday he got me a watch that is not my style at all. In fact, it is a similar watch to the one he wears, which is the complete opposite of my taste. It is manly and doesn't really go with any of my clothing/jewelry.
Although I know he meant well, it feels as if he was shopping for himself, and not me. He's seen the clothes and jewelry I wear, so I wonder if he wasn't paying attention or just put it out of his mind to get me something that he thinks I should wear.
I told him that I liked it and that it was very thoughtful, but I'm feeling anxious over the fact that it will probably sit in my jewelry box, unused. I'd much rather he use the money on something else. I'm worried that if I don't wear it, I'll come off as unappreciative.
I don't mean to come off as whiny or selfish, but it's just kind of confusing to me. Do I eventually bring this up? If he asks, do I tell the truth? Help. | Boyfriend got me gift that is unlike me. I'm feeling guilty over the lack of use it'll get. I'm worried that I will come off as unappreciative. |
t3_2edppm | relationships | Me [29 F] with my love interest [31 F] - Just started dating a guy and he's told me a bit more about himself. He didn't work for 6 years and lived with his girlfriend for free-ish. Bad sign? | OH CRAP: LOVE INTEREST IS A MAN NOT A WOMAN... can't edit title though...
Dating a guy and it's going okay. He seems to be quite an anxious person and his jokes/comments can be playful if not slightly misogynist (e.g., When I visit the library only MEN have their bags checked, WHAT like women can't have weapons?!... that comment sort of came out of nowhere). He is working now in a bar, but before that he told me he lived with his ex for 6 months abroad and then before that he lived with his ex before the last ex for 5 years... for freeish (gave her "gifts" of $6000)... I am not sure how I feel about this. I understand it was their choice but I find it a bit morally dubious and I wonder really if he respects women.... any comments, what do you guys think of this? | Guy I am dating lived with an ex for 5 years and didn't pay rent (paid "gifts" of around $6000). Is that okay? Does it suggest he doesn't respect women? Bad sign... or? |
t3_ies24 | AskReddit | Can any of you redditors give me some advice with my LDR? | I love in Boston, but my girlfriend of almost 2 years lives in Seattle. I met her through Facebook, and I have gone there a few times already to see her. We get along great and we're very happy with each other. She is coming here in September to spend a week with me before she goes back to school. She will be staying with me at my dorm, and my roommates are excited to finally meet her. However, I'm kind of scared to tell my mom. My parents know about her, but I'm not entirely sure how they feel about her. I know my dad is fine with it, he's clearly expressed that. My mom I'm not sure about it. She already does not like the fact that I'm a lesbian, and when my parents found out about her, my mom initially would not let me go see her. However, I eventually did go see her, and my mom did know about it. I really don't know how my mom is going to react, especially because the week she is coming would be my first week of school. Can anyone give me a little advice? | My cross country girlfriend that I've gone to see a few times is coming Boston for the first time, and I'm afraid to tell my mom. |
t3_4s79io | relationships | My [31M] Wife [30F] of 6 years hates my cooking, and it makes me not want to ever cook again | My wife grew up in a very suburban setting and never had any exposure to different or ethnic food, she grew up with a food schedule (Monday: steak, Tuesday: roast chicken, etc..). Meanwhile I was raised to eat many different types of foods, and as such I love to experiment and learn new dishes and cooking.
So naturally when we got married I thought we would break that habit of a food schedule, but my wife loves it. She see nothing wrong with eating the same 12 dishes over and over again because she likes them. Whenever I try to cook something new or unique she always throws a huff.
It's making me completely not want to cook or even think about food. I am pretty decent at cooking and have done quite a few crazy dishes in my time but whenever I come home with a different type of meat, like lamb or goat or even fish, she gets very negative. Finally I just told her to cook all the time because I'm not going to bother since she isn't supportive of me learning to cook new things. Now that we are getting to the point where we want kids, I don't want our children being raised with such a boring palate but I don't know how to break this cycle of the same boring food everyday. I spoke with her and she started saying that she doesn't want to cook special meals just for herself, and I told her that maybe she can try to ease into different food. I love my wife but she's such a picky eater that I don't know how to cope... | Wife hates any type of non-bland food and was raised eating the same dishes over and over again. I'm worried that this will cross over to our kids. |
t3_2zfh3z | relationships | My girlfriend (22F) proposed a break with me (27M) after 8 months | She said she's been super stressed out lately with work, and that she has some things she needs to get together in her life. I've definitely noticed a change in her behavior over the last couple months, and I've tried talking to her about it, but every time we've tried to talk about things she doesn't really open up to tell me much. Just that she's depressed.
We weren't living together, but many of her clothes were over at my house, as well as some of her son's toys. All of that was moved back to her place this past Sunday, which is also the last time we spoke. It was a very emotional affair when we parted ways, we were both crying and we both told each other we loved one another multiple times.
I guess I'm just worried that I'm going to lose her, not be able to see her son anymore. Has anyone ever gone through a successful break, or is this just the first step of breaking up? I don't seek a definite answer about what I'm going to do in my situation, but I'd like to hear some different opinions about what other people have gone through, and what they'd do in my situation. Thanks. | My girlfriend wants to have a break after 8 months, I'm worried she's either going to leave me, or the break is just the first step in us splitting apart. |
t3_533tma | relationships | I [24m] fell for my friend [24f] on a weekend trip together, but she wants to stay friends. | We have been friends since high school though not really close friends up until recently. We went on a four day trip just the two of us and once we parted ways I realized I had fallen for her... HARD. I talked to her a bit and she made it clear she just wants to be friends, but I can't be friends with how I feel right know. Best I can figure is I need time and distance to work through this so we can be friends again in the future (if ever...). Do I tell her how crazy I am for her and that I need time, or do I tell her with no details I just need some time? I feel like it's unfair for me to drag her into this since she only intended on only being friends.
I'm in a tough spot because I do want to be friends again it's just my emotions have me slammed right now. | I fell for my friend but need time if I want to save my friendship... not sure the best way to go about it |
t3_315s3c | relationships | Me [22 M] with my girlfriend of 2 years [21 F] are thinking of a temporary open relationship (she has depression) | So this summer I will be working in another part of the country over the summer than my girlfriend. We are both very sexual people, so we're thinking about having an open relationship with boundaries. These are the gist of them:
1. Make sure both of us have partners so both of us are benefitting rather than just one, incurring jealousy. Otherwise no deal
2. Testing and protection. She's on birth control and I always use condoms.
3. Limited use of alcohol. She was taken advantage of in the past, so just want to make sure its consensual
We love and trust each other very much, and I figured this would be a good compromise. The other thing is she hasn't slept with anyone else, only hooked up, while I had multiple sex partners, so she wants to experiment.
The biggest concern I have is she is recovering from depression, and the last couple months have been going through treatment and therapy. Has anyone had positive/negative experiences with depression in an open relationship?
I'm an open guy, so I just want to hear other's experiences and wondering if anyone else did a temporary open relationship in college. | Thinking about open relationship with girlfriend since I we'll be away for the summer. She is recovering from depression. Good or bad idea? |
t3_33258l | relationships | I (22 F) want to talk to my boyfriend (26 M) about his sexual attractions but don't know how to. | I (22 F) know that my boyfriend (26 M) of around 8 months, has a certain attraction to one thing in particular about girls.
However I feel uncomfortable with that certain part of me and it is very hard for me to let him see or touch them. He says he doesn't care but I know that isn't true. He doesn't try to push me into doing it or anything.
The thing is lately his sex drive has disappeared but when you see his Internet history (I know I shouldn't have looked but I wanted to see what he watched to see if there was anything I could surprise him with during sex), he watches a lot of porn to do with this attraction and it makes me feel like I am not good for him because I am not comfortable with what he is attracted to. He watches porn a lot more than we have sex which makes me think that he isn't attracted to me anymore.
It doesn't gross me out or anything it's just not a place in my body that I like particularly.
I need advice on talking to him about this and I know people on reddit can be quite helpful. Please help?
**bold | bold I (22 F) want to confront my boyfriend (26 M) about his sexual attractions as it's affecting our sex life. |
t3_31m0qe | relationships | I (31F) struggle to deal with my boyfriend's (30M) "me time". Help | My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year. He's great, we always have a great time together. We are both really busy with our own lives (we don't live together) but we try to see one another 2 or 3 times a week.
I have noticed that I sometimes get really upset or annoyed when he chooses to spend his free time with other people. I don't get this way when we're both busy but if I have a night off for example and he does too, if he spends it hanging out with other people I get mad. I don't take it out in him & I don't think he knows I feel this way because I never mentioned it to him but sometimes it makes me mad at him for a few days. I know he is faithful and I don't question the kind of people he hangs out with girls or boys.
Can you please help me think of more constructive ways to deal with my frustration. I think I have tried both positive and negative reinforcement when it comes to us spending our days off together. When I think about it he is not doing anything wrong but I can't help feeling like this. I know I should try to fill that time with my friends but I can't always. Thank u | I get upset when my boyfriend does fun things without me on my days off, need help dealing with it because I know it is dumb and immature. |
t3_2kfoff | relationships | Drunk BF (23M) just told me (24F) he loved me - not ready to say it back | My boyfriend has called me drunk from a bar a few times tonight and kept dancing around the topic of "falling for me" and finally said "I love you" for the first time. I told him I knew he was very drunk and would rather have that conversation sober. Which is true, but I was also using it as a delay tactic...because I'm not ready to say it back.
As a little background, we've officially been together for 4 months, dating for 6. I DO really like him. I could see this turning into love. But for me, it's not yet. I am very picky about saying I love you - I've dated a handful of people and have only been in love once, and we've discussed this before so he knows I won't say it lightly.
Honestly, I'm hoping he forgets this and it doesn't come up again for a little while. I've never been in this position before (of not being ready to return the sentiment). I don't want to hurt him and I want him to know he means a lot to me, but I'm not going to lie. So what do I say back? | Drunk bf said "I love you" for the first time; not ready to say back; if it comes up sober, what do I say? |
t3_4io95l | relationships | My boss (30s, male), is not a easy person to handle. I (23M) want to quit but keep my doors open. | The situation is simple - i am in a country where i don't have a citizenship in, and I want as many options open for when I will come back (and I want to come back). My boss may end up my only option.
He tends to shout and curse and get annoyed easily, and I don't want to be on his bad side.
He still thinks I'm coming back, and I don't know how to explain to him that's not gonna happen. Maybe at all but certainly not yet.
My reason for leaving is that there is another country I want to check out, that despite never being there Im still a citizen there.
What is a nice way I can do it? I'm trying to think outside the box and what I thought about is fairly simple - to tell him face to face in one of our meetings. | difficult boss needs to be notified of my coming leaving. I need a way not to piss him off while doing so. |
t3_342zzp | relationships | Me [25 M] with my girlfriend [24 F] of three years: How do you know you're with the person you want to marry? | Hello reddit. I've been dating my girlfriend for about 3 years now. Actually, 4 years in total, with a little hiatus in the middle. For a while I was convinced this was the girl I wanted to spend my life with, and I was very happy in the relationship.
Fast forward a few years and things are good. But now the idea of marrying this girl has me terrified. She's perfect in so many ways. She's the sort of woman I'd want to be a mother to my children, she's kind and caring, etc. But for some odd reason I can't help but feel like I am settling in some way shape or form. And I realized that for a while now the thought of marrying this woman has filled me more with apprehension than excitement. And I don't know what that means. So reddit, who has been here before? Am I just getting cold feet because things are so serious, or are my emotions indicative of a larger issue at hand? | I love my girlfriend very much, but after 3 years I feel like I should be ready to marry her, and I'm not. Is this normal? |
t3_12kcob | personalfinance | Will be making approx. 60-70 thousand before taxes after year a off out of highschool. I'm saving for university, advice? (CA) | Hello personal finance,
I've decided to take a year off before university to make some money and I was wondering what the smartest thing to do with my money would be? My father wants me to invest in stocks and my uncle suggested I get some tax free savings bonds? I will probably have in the area of 45-50 thousand by the end of the year after living expenses etc. I pretty much don't know anything about personal finance and other than simply saving my money in my student bank account I don't really know what do to. Your advice would be greatly appreciated
Thanks, | 45-50 grand after taxes and expenses in one year after taking year off before university, smartest course of action for saving? |
t3_36wpdn | relationships | Me [25 M] with my live-in gf [24 F] 1.5 years, she's newly into "witchy" things. My parents found out and think she's into "evil" magic. | My gf got into the whole witchy magic thing kinda recently. I think she read a bunch about it and she's been incorporating small things day to day. She says it's kitchen witchery.
I don't mind it as I've always had a soft spot for things like this. I'm interested in herbal witchcraft and things like that too, and we even started our own magic garden and things like that. All in all, it's very basic stuff. I think your average Pagan would understand most of it, if not your average white witch.
But last weekend my parents were over to hang out with us. They get along with my GF well. But she had out a book on spells for the home, like peaceful home spells and warding off bad energies and things like that. My mom picked it up and thought it might be a joke, but my GF talked for a little bit about how she's interested in magic and spells and things and that she's very happy to be able to do small things in her own home.
My parents aren't exactly hardcore Christians or anything, but a few days later, my Mom expressed a lot of concern. She said it's bad to do magic, it's evil, and I need to make sure she doesn't cast any spells on me or try to bring evil things into the home. I kinda laughed it off, but my Mom said that she's not comfortable having my GF over to their house, as she doesn't want her to cast spells or doing stuff like that and leave it behind.
I tried to tell her that she was being silly, my GF has no reason to do that and also she wouldn't. But they have this idea cemented in their heads and I have no idea what to do about it.
I realize Reddit isn't very welcoming to things like this, but I'd love some help from people on how to get my parents to chill out. | GF recently got into spells and rituals and witchy stuff, and it freaked out my parents. Is there something I can do to calm my parents down about it? |
t3_36ypde | tifu | TIFU: Calling my parents and getting phone run over. | My morning started with a personal training session, which I didn't eat enough for. This resulted in me being surprisingly weak from exertion afterwards. Following the session I sat in my car waiting to feel better. After a while, I went to Starbucks to get a Vanilla Bean to get my energy up for my drive home. At this point I feel like i'm going to throw up and wait a few minutes before driving. I feel better again, I was wrong. As i'm waiting at the light I throw up, light goes green and I puke all over myself and the steering wheel. I immediately pull over into a shopping center. I clean myself up with a towel, call my parents to let them know I will be late. I place my Vanilla Bean and phone on top of the car since there's puke all on the inside of the car. Well I feel better after puking and get back in the car, making sure I grab my frappe. I drive off on my jolly way home feeling better. As soon as I get home, I realize that I forgot my phone. I can't find it! I realize I left it on top of my car. I don't have my own car, and my parents used both cars until 6 hours later. At this point I return to the shopping center in hopes of finding my car, NO LUCK. Then as I'm on my way back home in sadness I see the phone on the side of the road. I quickly pull over, run to get the phone. The lifeproof case had flown off of my case and I only found the front of it. The phone was shattered beyond repair. Now have to pay $199 to get it replaced, all because I forgot to take it off the roof. | Worked out, threw up in car. Pulled over, left phone on top of car. Drove away, phone got run over and destroyed over the course of several hours. |
t3_dw4n3 | AskReddit | It's been a year. Can someone still ask for my insurance? | Almost exactly this time last year, I was pulling out of the school parking lot, well my spot, and I kissed the rear wheel well of this girls car. Super awkward seeing as I kinda had a crush on her for a few years. Anyways I was pulling out like normal and like most HS kids she shot behind me, speeding through the parking lot, and I skuffed her car. No dents, she just had a little paint missing and I had a little paint on my rear bumper, which came off with a little elbow grease. When I got out of the car I was like... wtf? where did she go? she ended up driving around and parking in front of me. She told me no big it'll match the rest of her car, kinda beat up.
A few weeks later she bitched me out in one of our classes in front of everyone, WTF!?! But, from then on it was just a joke between us. We'd see each other and we'd kinda give eachother awkward looks and that was that, didn't trade insurance info or nothing. My car looks brand new still too.
So a few weeks ago she messages me on facebook asking me for my insurance information. I replied telling her it's a little late to ask for something like that. She gave me some answer, but I don't go on facebook anymore so I haven't looked in about a week, I've been to busy.
*Question:* Is a year too late to ask for someones insurance info, even if the most that happened was a little paint swap? | I swapped paint with a girl this time last year and she's just now asking me for my insurance info. Has it been too long? |
t3_1ttk8l | dating_advice | M(23) just got F(25)'s phone number, how to proceed... | So I'm posting here bc I'm like those dog memes, I have no idea what I'm doing lol. I've only ever been with one girl and that shit fell into my lap and didn't even really last that long but hey, I lost my v-card so that was rad. Anyways.... met this really sweet girl at my cousin's wedding. She was one of his wife's bridesmaids. Technically, I didn't really "meet" her meet her because I was too pussy to ask her to dance, and yes, she was there single but I kind of figured she was into me because I gave a killer best man speech that had everyone fucking pumped (yes, I'm being modest). We were playing the eye game all night. I messaged her on fb later and sent her a friend request introducing myself and telling her I thought she was really cute blah blah blah. Took her a while but she finally responded and gave me her digits. We were messaging a bit on fb, having a little bit of a playful back and forth. I told her if she doesn't have anything going on after new years, if she'd want to grab a drink with me. She accepted but now I'm like, where do we go from here? I think I'm beginning to fall into the ye old "over thinking" trap. We were texting last night a little but I don't want to smother her either. Is it alright if we keep in touch till our outing? | got a girl's number, think she's into me, set up a date. Can we communicate until then? What am I doing? |
t3_18l4z8 | dating_advice | She[19f] claims that all I[20m] care about is sex. I do care about the sex, but she means so much more to me than that. How can I show her? | We got into a mini-fight last night. Been seeing each other for six months or so. We don't have sex very often... Maybe once every week or week and a half.
Over winter break I bought her a sexy outfit that she requested and I haven't seen her wear it yet. I mentioned last night (Valentines Day) that tonight would be a cool time for me to see it. Immediately she got defensive and said "We have all day tomorrow together and all you seem to care about is when you can have sex with me."
I think I do a pretty damn good job and not making that my first priority. I always suggest date days, I've bought her flowers on multiple occasions, brought back food for her without her even asking, surprised her at work with flowers and pizza. I am trying so hard and yet she still thinks that my main objective is to have sex with her. Quite frankly, it hurts me.
She is never the one to initiate the sex.. never has been. I asked her about that as well and she says she just isn't horny. Maybe I'm doing something wrong. I ALWAYS make sure to get her off during sex. Even when she's on her period I manage to get her off with rubbing her.
So... Dating advice. I don't know what else I can do to show her that my main objective isn't sex. We don't see each other very often, maybe once or twice a week because she is very busy with school and work. The sex we have helps me feel close and maintain a connection with her when we don't see each other nearly as often as I wish. | SO claims that all I care about is the sex we have together. What can I do to show her that she means so much more to me than that? |
t3_2mhi5p | relationships | Post university depression [22M] | I'm a 22 year old male who's recently graduated from university in a scientific subject having finished my masters degree. As many others have, I've moved back in with my parents and I'm currently searching for a job and have been since September. I've had about 4 interviews in that time but no job offers yet.
The problem for me is that it's incredibly tough due a sheer lack of stuff to do. I spend most of my days inside and rarely go out, due to lack of money. I also have a lack of friends since everyone is now scattered across the country. The main joy of my life, my girlfriend, has broken up with me and although we talk every day, I'm feeling increasingly isolated from almost everyone. I don't feel like anyone cares about me or my feelings, I'm worrying about never having friends in my life again. I feel like a ghost going through the motions and without any actual passion or joy in life, and on top of all that I feel incredibly, incredibly lonely.
I'm trying to keep myself busy and physically, but a run only lasts 30 minutes. A walk around town only lasts an hour. I'm learning to code but that's something sat indoors so it's hardly full of positive energy. I don't have a car and money is tight so I can't just go travelling for the fun of it. I just feel really hopeless in life and just want to get on with it but I'm feeling trapped in my home town until I get a job, and it sucks. Loneliness is also crippling me, I go from feeling like a ghost to wanting to rip all of my skin off and it's not nice.
I'd just appreciate some kind advice on getting through periods like this because I'm feeling totally depressed with no one to turn to. | Recently graduated, recently single 22M with no friends, feeling trapped and depressed in a lonely existence with too much spare time. Please help. |
t3_23598e | relationships | Do I [27F] need to give my dad [60M] money for his wedding? | My dad is remarrying next month (2nd marriage for both of them, my dad's first was my mom but they divorced 20 years ago). They're having a full-on wedding and reception, and me, my brother, and the stepmom's kids are the wedding party.
On the wedding invitation they asked for "donations" for their honeymoon in lieu of gifts. K, I'm not even going to go into how personally tacky I find that for a 2nd wedding of two people in their 60s with steady jobs, but whatever.
As their child, do I need to give them a donation towards their honeymoon as a gift? My husband says that he thinks we should give them $100, but I feel like its kind of ridiculous that we should have to do that, for several reasons. We've already paid for 3 nights at a hotel for their wedding (because they want help with stuff two days before the wedding), transportation to the location, and boarding for our dogs. We paid for my bridesmaid dress, shoes and my husband's suit (it had to be a specific one). Also, we're expected to help setup, clean and takedown everything before and after the wedding, and transport it back to the rental company. Lastly, I'm pregnant and not working, and my dad knows that money is tight and we're trying our best to save for the baby.
I'm not sure if I'm just being whiny and need to suck it up and give them money, or if it's totally weird to give your parent money for a wedding gift. Like, I can see getting them something heartfelt and personal as a gift, but writing them a check doesn't sit right with me.
What do you all think? | my dad is getting remarried and asked for monetary donations towards the honeymoon instead of gifts. As his daughter, do I need to do this? |
t3_4hnjz0 | Advice | Advice on a car and money situation. | I am in a tight spot and need some advice. I drive a 25 year old Accord that is on its last legs. It probably won't make it to the end of the month. I just recently moved from a low paying retail job to a well paid job that requires a lot of driving daily so I can not go without a car for more than a day or two.
So, I need to get a car, problem is, because I just recently started this job I have less than $500 to my name. Obviously I am not going to find a reliable car for that kind of money. I'm in between taking two routes to get a car, taking out a personal loan for $3000 to $4000 or financing through a dealer. I can afford payments up to $300 a month but I have to be careful because my insurance prices are insane because I am so young. | Need a reliable car for job, have less than $500. Should I go get a personal loan or finance through a dealer? |
t3_10a1j0 | relationships | I [21f] think the guy [22] I've been seeing may be a virgin, how do I approach this situation without offending him? | I [21f] have been seeing this guy [22] for almost a month now, and I really like him, but I suspect he may be a virgin. The reason i think this is because whenever things start to get heated, he never escalates things and becomes very shy. This, compounded with the fact that he has "performance issues" once we get into things makes me think that it's possible that he has not had sex before. If he is a virgin I have absolutely no issue with it, but I feel like I should know because I don't want to come on too strongly and would have to be conscious about moving at a pace that's comfortable for him.
How can I approach this situation so that he doesn't feel attacked or insulted? I want to consider his feelings in this situation, whatever the outcome may be. I really like him, but I think that's something I would want to know before things escalate. | I think the guy I've been seeing may be a virgin. How to I approach the situation without making him uncomfortable? |
t3_1w1f9n | relationships | My [29M] wife [27F] (3yrs) is upset because I am not genuinely interested in her work-life. | My wife and I have a very happy marriage, we are compatible socially, romantically, sexually and recreationally.
One of the areas we differ in is our approach towards work:
* I believe that it's purely a mechanism to live life outside of a 9-5, and I am taking measures to secure our financial independence which she is 100% agreed with. I do not enjoy my job, but am sticking with it to achieve this end-goal. I consider most of my colleagues acquaintances and not friends.
* She believes that work is an integral part of one's life, and she gets a ot of pleasure and satisfaction from both her work and interacting with her colleagues, and considers a good portion of them friends.
As per 'Seven Principles of a Highly Successful Marriage' I do think it's important to know the challenges and successes of my wife and I do take an interest in some aspects of her work-life. Objectively however, my interest often wanes quicker than the conversation comes to a natural end.
My original thought was to illustrate how I find the personal 'life' aspects to her day alot more captivating than the minutiae of administration and business systems. This has had more success, but unfortunately not enough.
She is upset that the conversations feel forced and fake to her.
This is not a complete deal-breaker and it's something we've spoken calmly about a few times: this must be a common issue among couples, but neither of us have the correct answer in our toolset for this one. | I don't care about work or my job and find it hard to be passionately interested about my wife's work stories, and she feels hurt. |
t3_4mq9o1 | relationships | Me [18 M] with my girlfriend [18 F] 2 years, I don't see her much and feel guilty for having feelings for someone else who I spend more time with | I've been going out with my girlfriend for about 2 years and I really like her/we get along great but she goes to a different sixth form college to me and lives about 25 minutes away so I only usually see her at weekends. This has been fine for the most part and we really enjoy meeting up and spending time together.
However, there is a girl at my college who I spend a lot of time with just me and her because we do the same subjects and we are really good friends. Recently, because: I spend more time with her than my girlfriend, we have similar interests and we get on so well, I have started getting feelings for her and it makes me feel really guilty. Also we both do acting/musical theatre and we both got the lead rolls and it meant we had to kiss a lot on stage which helped nothing.
Also the added factor that very soon I will be going to a different Uni to my girlfriend which will move us further apart sort of adds a worrying end point to the relationship given the apparent difficulties of long distance (my brother had a similarly long relationship which faded out at uni). But also the girl who goes to my school will likely go her own way and it scares me that I may never get really close to her. Even though i really love my girlfriend, I have a feeling; be it desire or simply lust of wanting this girl and it scares me that in the future I might look back and wish I had at least tried with her.
A few months ago this guilt got to be too much for me so I tried to explain to my girlfriend and it resulted in us taking a break/breaking up for a while but that felt soo bad and so I apologised and she took my back luckily. But now I'm scared because the same feelings seem to be returning.
Im so confused with what I'm supposed to do/what is right? | I don't see my girlfriend much and I keep getting feelings for a girl at my college I spend more time with. |
t3_42tyq8 | relationships | I [21 F] can not seem to stop thinking about an old friend [20 M] and want to reach out, but feel as though it's weird | I used to be best friends with this guy. We were close for about a year and a half, and then I decided that I wanted to try sleeping with him. We did, and then I left for a while.
We tried to stay close while I was away, but I got frustrated that he was talking about girls while I was having a lot of personal issues. I got frustrated with him and lashed out, and we stopped talking for a few months.
When I returned, I tried to reach out to him again, but after about a month I felt that we could try to be FWB. I was expecting too much out of him, wanting to hang out too much apparently, and got upset when he started pulling away, and lashed out again.
We didn't talk for a few months, and then I asked to hang out with him. We did and had a decent time, but then he bailed on me a few times when we were going to hang out again, and I got frustrated and lashed out.
I tried texting him to ask why he didn't want to be my friend anymore, and he said he didn't have a good reason except we weren't alike anymore.
I can't stop thinking about him, although it has been a few months since he's said that. I really miss having him as a friend, and I have tried to apologize, but I guess I'm too anxious about getting that friendship back that I'm easily frustrated when he doesn't want to do the same. I feel like since I've tried reaching out so many times, it's just weird at this point.
Is it weird/stalkerish | Slept with an old friend a little over a year ago, fell out after. Have tried to reach out a few times, but have then gotten frustrated with him. Is it weird to continue to reach out? |
t3_fqkk8 | AskReddit | Legal Advice on Property Law | Recently my grandfather passed away leaving my mother his estate. My mom was living in a trailer that my grandfather was paying for while she took care of him before he passed away. After he passed my mother could no longer afford to live in the trailer (which was in his name) so she is letting it go back and we were going to move into my grandfathers old house which is currently occupied by my cousin who was supposed to move out by now. Ever since my grandfather passed my cousin has now changed his plans and refuses to leave. My mother had an eviction notice sent to him via certified mail and as of March 7th his 30 days is up to vacate the house. He hasn't done anything to indicate that he is going to leave quietly. Now from personal research ive come to determine that since he never had a lease agreement with my grandfather that by Texas law he is on a month to month lease which can be terminated at any time. My question to you Reddit is what can we do next as im in no way well off and my mother cannot afford legal help. It seems to me that it is an open and closed case as my mom owns the property and the house but he seems oddly confident that he will not have to go anywhere. Any advice that can be given would be greatly appreciated. Before anyone jumps to conclusions im not asking for monetary help and this is not a throwaway account, im just asking for some advice. Thanks in advance. | My cousin wont move out of a house my grandfather left to my mother and im seeking legal advice from anyone knowledgeable on the subject, cannot afford a lawyer. |
t3_wvo26 | AskReddit | Have you ever felt totally disrespected by the company you work for? | A few years ago I took it upon myself and created a facebook page for the media company I work for. My bosses allowed me to do it, but didn't care to much about it at first.
I didn't ask for more money, I was just passionate about our product and wanted to promote it on social media.
The page got pretty popular and it actually helped us reach more people. I also managed our twitter/google+ account.
A few weeks ago I found out they hired someone to do job I did for free over the past years. They told me I can still be an administrator but I should let the new person manage the page from now on.
Have you ever felt totally disrespected by the company you work for? | helped promote my company on social media for no extra pay over the past few years. just found out they hired a new person to do the work I did for free |
t3_3dbqp2 | relationship_advice | I [20/f] broke up with my boyfriend (24/m) of a year and 10 months, now he wants to meet for 'physical activities'. | Recently I broke things off with my long term boyfriend due to selfishness on his part and laziness in the relationship, it was hard as we both love each other and he didn't see it coming but it was the right thing to do as I had compromised for so long (there's a lot more it to it, I won't get into details).
He cried, he begged, I left. Later on we get texting as he has always been a great confidant and I said (cheesey cliche) we could still be friends, it didn't end badly....so it could happen right? My question to you is, he asked me to pretty much be friends with benefits the same day I broke it off with him, the idea isn't totally out of the question but Im just afraid there's still a lot of emotional attachment. | Broke it off with boyfriend, he wants to be friends with benefits, what should I do? Is it too soon? Will it remain just 'friends with benefits'? |
t3_qwpju | AskReddit | I'm sure other people have had days when they go to work and literally feel ill in their stomach because they so badly didn't want to be there. Fellow Redditors, what has been your reasons behind this feeling? | My father and I are doing a favour for my boss by chopping down a couple trees on his property, haven't had a fine enough day to cut down the second tree and the other day he pretty much implied that his house hasn't sold because we haven't cut both the trees down yet.
His house is on the market and has been for a while now, he said to me that if he was able to subdivide his property (apparently requiring the trees to be gone) that his house would have sold already. Though when he originally asked if I knew someone who could do it he said he wanted them cut down so he could reposition his driveway, not to subdivide.
My father and I are only able to go out during the weekend as those are the only days we are both free, though we can't go on Saturdays as that is the day my boss goes to church :/
I have since learned 1. Where he lives he needs to get consent from the city counsel to cut down native trees and 2. where he lives any property has to be over a certain size to subdivide in any way.
My boss is the type of person to cut corners where ever possible so I am fairly certain he hasn't got consent to cut them down and I'm slightly worried my father and I may end up getting the in the shit for it. My conscious mind is saying there is nothing to worry about but my subconscious (and slightly paranoid) mind is worry all the same.
By the way, we agreed to cut down the trees for free firewood as they are rather huge.
All in all, I really don't want to be at work because I don't trust my boss as far as I can throw him. | Don't trust my boss as he seems to be lying and trying to mislead me to get what he wants in regards to a favour my father and I are doing for him. |
t3_23zgqi | dating_advice | Found a lovely guy, lots in common, didn't find him attractive in person, let him go or try? | So I met this guy online. It turned out we have tonnes in common and were really chatty. He has cute pictures online and didn't exactly lie, he admitted he's a bit overweight.
But I didn't really find him attractive when we met. It turned out his pics were of him two years ago, when he was better looking and just a bit overweight, which I was completely fine with him being, I'm at the upper end of being a healthy weight. But I'd say he's actually unhealthily overweight, I'd possibly describe him as obese and I think that made him look even less attractive. Plus he turned up in trainers, jeans and a hoodie, so him not making any effort at all was also disappointing and perhaps detracted from his looks (his profile pic was a smart pic of him in a suit. I wasn't expecting him to turn up in a suit, but was expecting smart-casual).
I wouldn't call him ugly and I'm not sure if it's because I was expecting him to look more like his pictures and at least make a bit of an effort with his appearance, that I was a bit disappointed. So I'm not sure if I would just be leading him on if I carried things on. Or if I could get over the initial disappointment if I saw him again.
Partly because of that and because of my nerves/shyness, we only hugged, we didn't even kiss. I wasn't in the mood to be intimate, but even still, I didn't particularly want to kiss him at all.
Things seemed a little bit awkward most of the evening. Although I've never been on a date to meet someone before, my boyfriends have always been guys that have escaped the friendzone. Plus we're both nervous/shy people. I'm not expecting my boyfriend to look like Johnny Depp, I'm not the most beautiful person in the world, but I need to find a guy at least somewhat attractive to want to be intimate with him I think.
Advice? | there's a lovely guy I have lots in common with, but I don't find him good looking. Should I give him a chance? |
t3_3em9qp | relationships | I [17M] asked her to hang out. Want to make my intentions clear to her [17F] | **Context:** Know this girl for 3 months. We started walking after English classes to the bus stop like 3 weeks ago. When we were there i said: We should definitely hang out for drinks sometime, we have little time to chat here. She said Sure!. So, its not specifically a "date" and she probably still sees me as a friend, who knows?
**Problem:** That leads me to my problem. Soon i will taking her somewhere to hang out and have a good time but *i need her to see me as more than a friend* so as to make my intentions clear.
**-Please beware that:**
* I don't have her number cause i never asked nor nobody made a Whatsapp group.
* Im not planning on telling her in the middle of the date that i like her. Thats is kinda *wierd*, isn't it?
* As a rather introvert guy i don't kiss on first dates.
* If you have any tips for dating or to make things better don't hesitate on telling me. | Asked her to hang out for drinks. I didn't use the word date cause that embarrasing for teens nowadays i think. Want to make my intentions clear. |
t3_3v1em4 | tifu | TIFU by taking a shortcut home | I was at the bank about 2 hours ago using the ATM. This bank is in a very busy area of Miami and has the smallest parking lot so when I went to leave I had to wait for 10 people to play car Tetris and I ended up finally getting out behind this charger and followed them out of the plaza through the back exit not normally taken by people.
We ended up on these back roads I usually take home to avoid traffic lights and traffic congestion which require going by a golf course, cutting across two neighborhoods, and through an alley. I was still behind the charger and noticed them driving kind of fast but turning everywhere I turned. I was jamming to some music and not really paying any attention and just taking my usual route home...
I was finally near my house when I decided to pull into the local gas station to buy a delicious white twist cap monster zero... The best. Anyway, the charger pulled in there too and parked. Not thinking anything of it I parked and got out of my car.
This lady, probably in her 40's jumps out of her car and shouts, "IVE CALLED THE COPS LEAVE ME ALONE."
I was confused and took a look around to make sure she was talking to me... As she noticed my puzzled look and she says
"The cops are on the way I am on the phone with 9-11" ::waiving her phone:: "I don't have any money and I know you followed me from the ATM I was depositing money so I have no cash on me"
I told her its not what it looked like, I'm just going to buy a drink and I lived across the street ::she gets back in her car::
I walked inside and proceeded to buy my drink and by the time I got out I was blocked in by two cop cars and the police officers had their guns drawn (not pointed at me).
I complied and gave them my licenses and stuff and told them I'm just trying to go home... After 30 minutes or so they let me go and followed me home and waited until I went inside... They just left after sitting out there for another 10 minutes or so... Wtf lady? | I left the bank and took back roads home and ended up following a car that took the same route and she called the cops and said I was going to rob her |
t3_405t6q | relationships | My[26M] girlfriend[22F] is disgusted by my sexual past. | We've been dating now for 10 months and things have been going very well in my opinion, we click very well and have been moving very fast in most facets of our relationship except sexually.
She's very conservative and was a virgin when we met and it took three months but we finally had sex, I was willing to wait though, I'm very happy with her and our sex life is vanilla which is fine with me.
I wasn't a virgin and have had a lot of partners in my time and it came up last week when we were talking about sex and she asked me questions about my past sexual encounters.
I decided to be honest and maybe I shouldn't have, I told her that I lost my virginity at 15 to an older women and that I once spent a year in a bi polyamory relationship and how my last relationship was d/s type relationship, she kinda freaked out about all this.
She has met my ex and was shocked that someone who seemed so normal like us would be into such things like BDSM, she says it's evil and wrong. She left the house and was furious I hadn't told her before about the bi thing (I didn't because I'm not bi, it was just a weird year for me, although a year I enjoyed) and that she was disgusted and not sure how to move forward.
We didn't talk for a whole day, I had never gone so long without talking to her and it was awful, she talked to me again and seemed to act like I hadn't told her a thing, she came over and we watched a movie, I mentioned what we had talked about and she stood up and told me she didn't want to talk about that ever again.
I hate the way she looks at me, I don't know what to do. | I told my vanilla gf about my past alternative lifestyle sexual experiences and she freaked out and finds it disgusting, I don't know how to fix how she feels about me now. |
t3_10bssg | AskReddit | Driving away GF with anxiety. Can you help me chill out? | My girlfriend and I are having problems. I get nervous when I worry about her leaving me. She can tell right away and this drives her up the wall. The trouble is that I'm nervous only when I'm afraid of losing her. The catch is it's THIS that's making her feel like leaving.
I get nervous about being nervous because all I can think is that if I have the smallest sign of worrying about it, she'll go. It's an issue that she's mentioned for a long time. I feel I COULD feel unanxious if she would just take away the pressure - but how she can't feel better until I prove I can chill out.
Any thoughts or ways I can think with myself to be calm? I really don't want to lose what we've built - and she has said for four years she doesn't either and same now. She has a stressful corporate job and can't deal with my worry on top of it. How can I chill out in the moment when I know if I don't things could end? | GF needs me to take a chill pill for our relationship to last. This makes me nervous. How do I relax? |
t3_3nlv34 | relationships | My (M28) pregnant wife (F26) has gonorrhea and I don't know what to do. | Throwaway for obvious reasons. I'm in a bit of a panic. My wife called me at work crying today to tell me her OBGYN called to tell her she has gonorrhea. She's ten weeks pregnant. We've been married four years, and we have a two year old son together. She would have been tested when she was pregnant with him so she contracted it sometime in the last two years.
She insists that she hasn't had sex with anyone else. I definitely have not. I believe her, at least I'm 99.9% sure I do. The problem is the doctor was clear that it is impossible to get it without having sex of some kind with someone. We've had our share of issues, and it's been a marriage of ups-and-downs, but nothing that I would consider marriage - ending. I've never suspected her of cheating. Overall I'm very happy with her.
I'm just confused and not sure what to do. She's getting re-tested right now, but the doctor said false positives are very rare. We're going out of town this week so I won't be able to get tested until next week, but I'm guessing I have it too. I'm still it work, so we've only spoken over the phone, but any advice would be appreciated. | My pregnant wife has gonorrhea, we both promise we haven't cheated. I believe her but don't know what to do. |
t3_qwump | AskReddit | What company will you never go to again? And why? | I thought about this while reading [this] post. It reminded me of when I went to a local transmission place because the truck that I was driving would not shift out of second gear. The transmission was rebuilt not too long before this problem arose (done by an independent mechanic, and it *did* need to be rebuilt). After I got to the transmission place, they told me that they would need to keep the truck until the next day so they could look at it. Fine, whatever, I had my mom pick me up and drive me home. They called the next day and said that the transmission would have to be rebuilt, and it was going to cost upwards of $2,500. Fuck that. I had another car that I could drive until we got this thing settled. We told them that we would just take the truck home and figure something else out. The guy chuckled a little and told me that he would waive the inspection fee (about $70) because he *knew* that we would be coming back to get it repaired. I got it home and plugged in my code reader and it told me that the speed sensor in the transmission went bad. So I traveled to my local autozone to pick up a new one. I replaced it and the transmission worked like a charm. The best part? The speed sensor cost about $17. I don't think I have ever been so happy and so pissed at the same time. I know that I will never, ever go back to that mechanic again. | Transmission place tried to charge me $2,500 to rebuild my transmission. All I needed was a $17 part. |
t3_39hvdt | relationships | Me [22F] with my boyfriend [22M] of one year. We might be moving in together. What should I expect? | Like the title says, moving in together is a strong possibility at the moment. I really don't want to put on my rose-colored glasses and pretend there won't be issues. We've already discussed things that could POTENTIALLY be problems (like chores, cleaning, bedtime, alone time), but I want to make sure I'm fully aware of anything else that might crop up, that maybe you guys have witnessed or experienced.
We communicate well and we've never had an argument (we prefer to keep things calmer and debate instead. Neither of us like conflict). We're both relatively clean people. We'd keep our finances separate. We're going into this with the mindset of "We're best friends that happen to be a couple" so that if things go south we still have a foundation (it's a two bedroom house, I could just move into the other room). I know he poops, he knows I poop.
What else should I be worried about/discuss/be aware of? | Don't want to pretend issues don't crop up when you move in with someone and act like we're a "super couple". What are pieces of advice you have, Reddit? |
t3_4yfrff | tifu | TIFU by leaving a perfectly good flood shelter in south Louisiana | TIFU. Actually, Sat, 8/13. Last week I was visiting my daughter (w/hubby + 3 kids 7, 4, 2) in Zachary LA, north of Baton Rouge. At 4:22am, I woke up and the power was out. I saw water out front then went to the back patio where spiders in the doorway startled me. **Water everywhere** I woke the family and we packed the vehicles, planning to evacuate after daylight.
I waded thru nasty floodwaters to the only road in or out but water was 4' high & moving fast. **Trapped.** We saw Nat'l Guard & USCG helicopters and one police boat. We were told to prepare one backpack each for evacuation. After 7 hours we were rescued by civilians with bass boats then ferried on a pickup truck & bus to a flood shelter with many volunteers.
Daughter's in-laws were also at the shelter due to flooding; they called relatives in BR to come get us. I was OK with leaving because we were going to pick-up point closer for my wife and son, who were driving in from 2 different cities. **THAT'S WHERE I FVCKED UP**. Leaving put us back in danger and resulted in wading thru nasty water and being evacuated out of a flooded neighborhood AGAIN, **riding in the sleeper cab of a semi tractor**.
Floods turned my wife back but our son and semi driver connected thru the maze of flooding streets. Routes to our home in Slidell LA, 85 miles east on I-12, were closed so we detoured thru New Orleans to get back. A day that began at 4:30am, featuring TWO evacuations, wading in swamp water laced with sewage, a short stay in a flood shelter, plus rides in a bass boat and a semi tractor finally ended safely at 10:30pm. | After being rescued from a flooded neighborhood, I agreed to leave the flood shelter only to need rescuing again out of a different flooded neighborhood. |
t3_2xjc16 | relationship_advice | 20/f at the end of my rope with 2year with 20/m but does the good outweigh the bad? Can we be saved? | Engaged for 4mth, living together 1yr. About three days ago we got into a big fight over nothing and I told him I didn't love him anymore. He cried. I cried. He asked me to stay and he'd fix it. Past three days v. affectionate and caring but will it stop once he's "safe"?
I have depression and anxiety. He's supported me through a hell of a lot and has stayed when others would leave. It was my idea to move in, get engaged, move house etc.
Past few months he's whined when he doesn't get his own way, shouted and argued if I say no to anything big or small until I cave and has continually accused me of cheating on him. I haven't.
Past two weeks I have spent a lot of time with a guy I've found myself very attracted to, a close friend to us both while I'm not working so I have company. Like I said - not cheated. The cheating accusations got directed towards him 20/m and they are no longer friends as he is tired of being accused.
I love him but he doesn't appreciate anything I do for him. I even got well enough to go back to work for him and it's hell for me everyday. He still expects me to come home and clean and cook and give him massages and sex with no returns (including orgasms).
I've told him the things that bother me several times and have seen no changes but he has been so good to me before this....
Can I save it or do I walk away from something that could be the real deal. | two years of being good to me when no one else would, supporting me through depression and anxiety but even after telling him things he has started doing recently that make me unhappy he hasn't changed. Help! |
t3_1j2vw2 | relationships | Devastated that me (30f) and my Ex(37m) are no longer in contact | I was with my now ex-boyfriend for close to seven years. We moved all over our country together and uprooted our lives many times for his job.
We broke up just over a year ago. It was messy at first, but we built a friendship out of the ashes. A few months after we broke up, he starts to get quite ill. Being the friend I am, and with the complications of the former relationship. I fall into a caregiver role. Once the doctors figured out what was the matter, and that it was not fatal afterall, he started to get better but was very weak.
During this recovery period we become close and begin secretly seeing each other. We talk about the fact that we are exclusively seeing each other but that this is likely a bad idea.
Cut to six months later. He's feeling much more like his former self, and I am truly happy again with our arrangement. Then out of the blue, he cuts off all physical contact. He tries to play it out as I am "acting crazy" because I started to cry when he told me over the phone that he wanted to see other people. He then cuts off all contact. No calls, no emails, no facebook. No explanation.
I just feel so used by someone I thought so highly of. I find out that he has been actively searching out women on dating sites the whole time that I had been taking care of him.
I can't even openly be upset about the situation since we kept the current arrangement quiet "to not hear about it from our friends".
I just feel so empty without my "best friend" but am also left wondering how someone who claims to love me could have treated me so poorly after I sacrificed so much for him over the years. | Together for 7 years, "broken up" for a year, sleeping together secretly for six-months, he disappears, find out he's been seeing other people |
t3_1dauqf | AskReddit | How to deal with foot pain? | I have been living a pretty sedentary life the past 2 years or so working 2-3 times a week for 4 hours max a day, then coming home and sitting on the computer and having a shitty diet. Needless to say I gained weight (5'8 195lbs), so recently I decided to get a full time job and I started this week at a store where I work from 6am to 4pm. I do everything from selling to washing dishes and cleaning the floors and the only break I get from standing up is 30 minute lunch break. By the time I get off work I'm exhausted and all I wanna do is sleep, but the worst part is my feet are in crazy pain. The pain starts everyday around 11am, does anyone have any suggestions? | Out of shape 5'7 195lbs guy working standing up 10hrs straight a day having feet pain :'( |
t3_2cgixk | relationship_advice | Should I (20F) move-in with boyfriend (21M) of 8 months? | EDIT: Last night, he asked me to move in with him (totally out of the blue), so I guess it is mutual! :)
I haven't brought it up to him yet, because I want to make sure it is a good idea first. We can afford it and everything, and I've known him for a year now and we already spend every day together. His dad recently lost is job and his family had to move to a 1 bed apt, and my bf now spends 300/mo on rent just to sleep on a couch in the living room while his 17 year old sister sleeps on the other couch (NOT a good situation for him).
So I went online today and found some apts for ~800/mo, most of which include utilities. He makes about 1500/mo and we both go to school.
I would be looking for a monthly lease or 6month max. I don't want to get a 1-yr lease because I feel it would put too much pressure on us. I know we would have to pay a security deposit etc.
I am currently spending 600/mo on rent but just found out I need to move because I am a live-in nanny and the kid's father just got custody after 4 years of me watching them.
So, what are your thoughts? In the end I will make my own decision but for those of you WHO HAVE LIVED WITH AN SO, what do you think about this? | Want to move in with boyfriend, he and I both have bad living situations. We can afford it and have good communication though we do argue (who doesn't?). |
t3_3psv5v | relationships | Me [20F] with my roommate [21F] of two years wants to do every single thing that I do. | So this is probably going to sound catty right off the bat and I apologize, that's not at all how I am trying to come off. I've been debating if I'm overreacting or if this is something on a developmental level on her side. She's also a redditor so lots of identifying details have been left out.
My roommate of two years has been imitating almost every single aspect of my life for the past two years. I have found a passion for live music and bands, she immediately starts to love it too, and then starts going to as many shows as she can-- like she's trying to one up me. Last year I shaved the side of my head, two weeks later, she shaved her head. I also have my nipples pierced, after a month, she eventually got hers. I dyed my hair and guess who dyed her hair right after.
These are only a HANDFUL of instances and my other roommate has noticed it as well. I've talked to my boyfriend and he thinks it's a maturity thing.
I am flattered, believe me I am. I know that 'imitation is the best form of flattery' but I feel like I'm not even my own person anymore. Like I can't be who I want to be because it's only going to be my own unique thing for four days before she decides she wants to do that too. It just feels like she's over stepping a personal boundary of mine. She's an awesome person, I don't know why she doesn't want to make her own choices to further her as an awesome person.
I just don't know how to go about talking to her about this behavior. It's putting a huge strain on my relationship with her and how I feel about her. And maybe I'm the one not being mature here, I don't know. I just need insight. | My roommate/best friend copies almost every single thing that I do and I'm not sure how to bring it up to her. |
t3_fa2jj | AskReddit | How can I delude myself into thinking more positively? | I've started reading a book by Brian Tracy recently, where he lays down a plan for removing negativity in one's life by replacing it with positivity.
In other words, rather than dwelling on things I don't have, things I can't immediately change, he suggests one focus on building and working towards positive goals, and embracing a mentality that encourages minimizing the negative and emphasizing the positive.
Things like not being brought down by negative people, not dwelling on depressing stuff, and envisioning oneself at the critical nexus where you have met and achieved some highly desirable goal, all are geared towards helping motivate you, consciously and unconsciously, towards moving up to bigger and better things.
In short, *deluding* oneself, to some extent.
How the hell does someone who's already in a rut and tends to dwell obsessively on things stop oneself from these types of behaviors? I'm an introvert, do I need to pretend to be an extravert to do some mental equivalent of [muscle confusion] to keep that self-critical part of my mind off balance? I'm also generally not goal-oriented enough in my life, do I need to start planning and achieving small, manageable goals to get myself into a *new* rut, which is more beneficial than the one I'm in now? | I am a meat popsicle as far as goals in my life go. How do I turn this around and shed the negative in favor of the positive? |
t3_l4y3b | AskReddit | I just found out about my family history, what is yours? | Today, after finding out that the screenwriter for the move "The Ides of March" is a distant cousin of mine, Beau Willimon, I decided to perform an inquiry on my family history.
My last non-American relatives came in from Eppingen in the Holy Roman Empire, which is now Germany and settled in present-day South Carolina, where there are apparently tons of Willimons.
But I was born in Kansas and currently live in Oklahoma, and I have relatives in Kansas, Oklahoma, and Texas. Between here and there, there aren't many other Willimons, so I asked, "How did we end up here?"
I then found out that my great-grandfather was ostracized out of the family for bootlegging liquor during the prohibition and resettled in Southern Oklahoma. | I found out today that I'm on the often-forgotten part on the large family that was banished to the hinterlands because my great-grandfather was a bootlegger. |
t3_4perl3 | relationship_advice | New [F24] to dating a SO [M27] who watches porn | Soooo...heads up. yes this is another "my boyfriend watches porn" post.
I'm dating a guy, have been for a few months with being real good friends for about six months before that. Early on in our relationship he admitted to me that he had a porn addiction (his words) going on 15 years.
Now I am not a judgement all person. I have my own addictions and I would never think less of someone and I love him regardless and luckily he is very honest anytime I've asked about it.
But my issue is, I have never been in a long term relationship with someone who watches porn regularly. I grew up Mormon though I am not active so it is hard to get over the "porn is bad" mentality. I don't know how to handle it. I have my insecurities and often wonder if he prefers porn over me, etc. especially since lately our sex frequency has decreased significantly from the start of our relationship. Granted, i know he has a lot going on emotionally (don't want to explain) and ya I don't expect our "honeymoon" phase to last forever, but how do I get past the insecurity I feel when I think of his porn use? I don't expect him to stop or anything. We aren't far along enough in our relationship for me to feel like I have a valid reason to request cutting back or something, nor do I pester him to know if he does it daily etc. I just want to feel more comfortable/take it less personally and I don't know how to do that. Any suggestions or thoughts? | my bf says he has a porn addiction and I don't know how to not feel insecure about it, even though I logically know it has nothing to do with me. |
t3_jym41 | books | need NYC bookish folks to find a series | first off if this is the wrong subbreddit please be kind and redirect me to the correct place.
hello fellow NYC redditors i'm in need of help looking for a series that i want to gift as a present but seems impossible to find. do any of you guys know any hidden bookstores/thrift shops/alley shops that have the complete Elric of Melnibone series by Michael Moorcock. a friend of mine, who i turned onto fantasy books thru Neil Gaiman, is looking for this series after he read Moorcock was one of Gaiman's influences. the series consists of the following books:
Elric of Melnibone
the Sailor on the Seas of Fate
the Weird of the White Wolf
the Sleeping Princess
the Bane of the Black Sword
Stormbringer | need NYC redditor's help to locate a place to buy Elric of Melniborne series by Michael Moorcock for a present for friend who i got into fantasy books. thank you |
t3_2m7hxq | askwomenadvice | I [20 F] want to start building a better relationship with my mom [50 F] over the holidays, but I'm not sure how. | Some background:
I'm going to college decently far away from home, and I've been reflecting on the years I spent living with my parents. I was far from a "good" daughter; they gave me a great childhood and I was selfish. I shut them out of my personal life throughout high school and became quite introverted. I was always "daddy's girl" had a decent relationship with my dad but it was never really like that with my mom.
This past Mother's day, I wrote her a letter expressing that I wanted to try to be a better daughter. My mom had a great relationship with my grandma (her mother), but she passed away last year and mom's been depressed ever since. I said in the letter I would like to have a friendship like that with her. I overheard my dad telling a relative about the letter at a family get-together, and he said it made her cry, but neither of them ever talked to me about it.
She has a hard time expressing her feelings. She wants to be strong but I can tell she isn't happy with her life. We have a businesslike relationship now, and I think it would be awesome to have something more personal than that. Also, I think she could really use a friend; their marriage has been crap for awhile and I think they're only still together because my little brother is still young. Dad is an alcoholic in denial and it takes a toll on her. She is unhappy with her life and she hates her job.
So, over the holidays, I want to try to get through to her but I don't really know how to go about it. Any advice, especially from mothers, would be greatly appreciated. | I was a crappy person toward my mom growing up, and it took moving away to realize that. I want to have a real friendship with her, but I don't know how to mend the relationship. |
t3_3h68kw | relationships | Me [19 F] with my mom [40s F]; how to tell her about a tinder date with [23 M]? | Throwaway because I didn't want this on my regular account. My question is pretty self-explanatory but here are some details for those interested!
I'm very close with my mom, as her only daughter and oldest child, and also am an avid Tinder user. However, these two worlds have never collided. I think I may have mentioned Tinder to my mom once or twice but brushed it off as a joke thing (I didn't want her getting on my back about it being "dangerous").
Over the last few weeks I've been getting closer with a gentleman on Tinder and we're trying to plan a date. This will be one of my first dates ever, actually, and I would love to tell my mom about it. I definitely need permission to go out in general, and I'd rather not lie. I'm just not sure how to broach the topic of online dating with my mother, since I expect her to have typical worries of "What if this is secretly a 50-year-old madman who is going to murder you," like many mothers (and fathers and sisters and brothers) have, I'm sure.
I'd love some advice from others who have told their parents about Tinder dates/online dates in general. Thanks in advance for the help! | Mom doesn't know I use Tinder and I'm not sure how to bring it up with her, now that a relationship from it is starting to get serious.* |
t3_31fwpj | relationships | I [F20] am still in love with my ex [M26]. And honestly I just want to not be anymore. | We dated for 2 years, since I was 18. I never really cared much for guys before him, it was always if they liked me cool, if not whatever. He was my first everything. Including my first love. I honestly planned on him being the one. He even said I love you first. He told me he had only felt this way about a girl once before and he made the mistake of losing her. I let him become my everything. I would have given him the moon if I could. I ended up moving to another state for work. The break up was messy, to say the least. It's been 4 months. I thought I was doing okay, but I saw him yesterday and I felt like all the life had gone out of me. He said he's been doing great, and all he wants if for me to be happy and get over him. He brushed something off my shoulder and I just about lost it. I wanted nothing more than to have him hold me. Buy I freaked at told him I needed to go. We talked a little more over text. He said he knew it was hard. And just wanted me to be happy. And I need to be. I don't want to love him anymore. It's clear he's moved on. And I need to too. What do I do? | It's been 4 months since my EX and I broke up. He's moved on. I need to too. It's hard since he's been 1/10th of my life. |
t3_1k2s16 | Advice | My brothers are ungrateful douchebags. Constantly partying, drinking, and recently drug dealing. Worried about my mom's health due to said douchebags. | I'm not exactly an avid poster, and hardly a lurker on reddit, but I seriously need some advice here. Currently my 2 younger brothers both nearly 16, have been seriously getting on my last nerves, and my parents especially. They disregard any form of authority, and they are just getting worse and worse and of recently I learned that apparently they've been getting into shit like drug dealing.
So at this moment, my family is in near shambles, parents looking at a divorce, recently lost a lot of money trying to keep afloat the family business, dealing with a decent amount of debt, and currently dealing with a suing employee. My father is completely useless at shit like this and my mom is doing what she can to keep this slowly breaking family together for at least another 2 years so they will be 18 and leaving.
Now I'm asking reddit for help because honestly, I can't take it anymore, and my mom is quite literally (and I don't mean figuratively literal) dying from the stress. She's been to doctors about her problem, and is getting the same answers to what's causing them. I'm not saying that I'm not the cause of any of her stress, but I am saying that I'm pretty much the only one in our entire family that is trying to help her, even if only a little. | Family is breaking, mom is working herself to death, douchebag brothers are getting worse and worse. I just want to know what I can do to help, because I'm lost... |
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