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t3_4dpt8s | personalfinance | Buying a home, feel like I have a shady lender.. (USA) | Hello PF,
So I'm in the process of buying a home. Long story short, I was going to use USAA for my lending on a VA loan. Everything seems nice. I was told 3.5% for rate, 3.5548% APR, but they told me some stuff, kind of unrelated, that made me want to shop just a bit.
My realtor suggested a loan broker type of guy, said he was real good. He called me back today and said that he got me a 3.25% rate, with a similar estimate on closing costs. He also said that he could wrap my closing into the loan at roughly 3.5% for the rate. I thought great, I can have the same rate and pay no closing or have an even cheaper rate. So I've now started the application with him.
However, it dawned on me that he didn't tell me the APR. I know that can give me an idea of what fees are associated with my loan and I wanted to compare it to the 3.25% rate to see just how expensive the loan was. I called back and asked what the APR was and he told me, after a brief pause, "APR is kind of a relic, we don't really quote it anymore. The rate is what is important and all that usually matters is that the home payment is affordable"
That really sounds like some used car salesman shit to me. I looked up what I could, and it seems to me that quoting APR along with a rate is required by federal law for the truth in lending act. Am I wrong? Do I need to say something here?
Regardless, I'm just going to stick with USAA as I have always trusted them, but I just wanted to ask some folks who were way more knowledgeable about this stuff, and my realtor and lenders are probably not the people to ask. | Lender quoted me an interest rate. When I asked about APR, he told me APR doesn't get quoted anymore because it's kind of a relic and I'm pretty sure he violated federal law by not telling me the APR |
t3_2t5tas | relationship_advice | SO [29/M] gave my [24/F] cat [6/F lol] prozac.. not happy about it. | So, my SO and I have lived together for ~9 months now, but moved in to our own apartment ~3 months ago where both my cat and his cat now live with us. His cat pees in our apartment daily and constantly stalks and attacks my cat (frequently while she is sleeping). I have been begging him to take his cat to the vet, offering to take him myself, offering to pay, etc. He finally did tonight (because he had to to continue rx for the food his cat has to eat), said he was coming home with some prescript. food for his cat's urinary issues (prior issues with bladder crystals), advice on litter box set up (we have THREE litter boxes to two cats in our apartment..) and kitty prozac. I, of course, assumed this was for his cat who is incredibly problematic on an hourly basis. When I got home he mentioned nothing to me.. Hours later we got in to a small argument and he threw in my face "well your cat is on prozac too".
I am furious that he started my cat on a chemical drug without asking me. I am not 100% against trying it if it will decrease issues between the cats, but I do not feel that it was his decision to make without my consent. His vet did not examine my cat, he doesn't know her medical record, he doesn't know if she has had a prior adverse reaction to this medication. I am unable to find any statistics on trials or long term effects of cats on prozac. I think it is risky and unnecessary as a first step.
He is telling me I am being irrational and controlling by being upset over this. I am basically asking if he has a point and I should apologize, or if I am justified in feeling upset and thinking it was wrong that he made decisions regarding my cat without my consent.
Additionally, I lost my other cat 8 months ago (basically the greatest cat that has ever existed on the face of this earth), I am still not over it, and couldn't bear to lose my other cat. | boyfriend gave my cat prozac without my permission, I think that was wrong, he doesn't. Am I justified or crazy? |
t3_10ov3m | AskReddit | Do you ever think about how the internet brings us so close together, yet many of us are more alone than we've ever been? | It's deceptive because in one sense we're closer than we've ever been. But when everyone retreats to their homes at night, many of those are alone. They may have their feline or canine friend, but their private little space is empty of other humans.
It seems like in the past this type of lifestyle would be reserved for the extremes, like the mentally ill person, or the widow. But now, there are so many young normal people who are hidden away in their solitary cells. We don't even see they're alone, and they don't see we're alone. It's like a hidden secret of our nation.
It seems like there's a missing opportunity. That we're all connected through the internet, but we're not utilizing it to truly bring us together, beyond just sharing funny jokes and fleeting remarks.
Two people may be in the same neighborhood, alone, browsing reddit. Just knowing this would help. Having some online presence, where you could change your status, ":( I think I have the flu." Your cat isn't going to bring you chicken soup, but someone else might, if they knew.
No one knows. Our private way of living was setup with families in mind. When family breaks down, there's a lot of unnecessary loneliness. We don't have to be friends, but I would feel much better about my life if I brought you chicken soup. I would feel like I were part of a family.
Maybe this is what Web 3.0 will be. | Internet makes us feel closer together, but doesn't bring us chicken soup. I wish I could bring someone some chicken soup, but the private homes around me are private, so who knows who needs it. |
t3_2jwxam | relationship_advice | I [18/F] feel too inadequate | Quick apology if I do something wrong here, I've never posted in this sub before.
Since I've started at my job there's been a guy (18) hat has steadily gotten my interest. I was told by another coworker one day that he liked me and, while this made me happy, I also couldn't help but second guess myself and wonder why. As in, why me? A while later, one of the managers was chatting with me while working. He brought up his girlfriend who had met in work, though she no longer works there any more, and asked if I was dating anyone. I told him no and he said he thought I should date -interest's name here-. I asked why, and he said he thought we would be a good match.
Despite both of those instances and a bit of teasing from another coworker I still have doubts that he likes me as well. I think this stems from me not feeling good enough. I can't grasp what would attract him to me.
The only relationship I have been in was junior year of high school when I dated my best friend of 6 years. I grew accustomed to already knowing so much about the other person and such that this new situation almost feels rushed.
I know a lot of people advise against relationships with coworkers, but this person has already put in his two week notice to go to a different job. The same manager I mentioned earlier said that would probably be ideal for a relationship. | Hesitant to believe guy likes me even after being told and hinted from others this is the case. Want to pursue it but don't feel 'good enough' |
t3_fch84 | relationships | My girlfriend told me she doesn't have enough love for me in her heart. "There's something missing". | Ok here's a quick rundown;
We're together two and a half years. Two months ago she moved in with me. She is 8 years older. I'm in my mid 20s.
She came to me yesterday and looked upset. I asked her what was wrong and she said "I'm not happy". She went on to explain that she wasn't happy with us, nor with the house we live in, and that she felt that she didn't have the love for me that she should, and doesn't know if she ever did. This came as a huge shock. We talked for a couple of hours, hugged and kissed and shed some tears, she said felt glad to get it off her chest and had been feeling like this for some weeks.
I don't know what to think. I love her with all my heart, and I truly believe she did love me, and has the capacity within her to love me again.
Its like I don't believe her when she tells me she doesnt know if she ever felt the love. Shes called me the love of her life, the man of her dreams, her soulmate... all that. And now she doesnt know if she ever did?! I feel so sick. Hurt.
Some quick back story; When we first started dating she was 2 years out of an 8 year relationship. She didn't want that relationship to end, it wasn't her choice. It took her a long time to get over it and deep down now I think she never did. She says that maybe she has had a block on her heart and has huge fear of letting me in. Truly in.
Shes staying in her sister's for a few days, we decided it was best for her to get some head space. We're still together but I don't know what I can do.... What I should do... I'm numb.
I don't know how well I've explained the situation. I haven't slept and I'm not exactly firing on all cylinders. | Girlfriend told me she's not sure if she ever truly loved me. I don't know if i buy it. She's staying in her sister's for the next few days to gather her thoughts. |
t3_2m18pv | relationships | My [19F] boyfriend [24M] of two years draws porn for a living, makes me feel insecure about myself | My boyfriend is a loving, understanding man, and we've been together for almost two years (1 year, 11 months counting). I've known pretty much from the start that he draws hentai, and he even showed me once we had been together for about half a year. I have no problem with this job of his. Whatever pays the bills, right? Well, here's where the problem lies.
He LOVES gigantic, anime-proportioned, unrealistic breasts. I eventually asked him to stop showing me his art because it made me feel insecure about my own chest size. I can still see it when he posts it online, and it always makes me feel bad about my body. When he first told me about his hobby/job, he told me that he enjoyed it mainly because he could draw whatever he wanted to see. None of his original characters remotely resemble me. They have totally different body types than I do. I've even considered getting a breast augmentation to make him happier, but that would be really stupid of me. His attempts at trying to convince me that he loves my body haven't really worked. He doesn't call me any of the following words that he uses to describe his works of art: sexy, hot, delicious. In fact, he rarely ever compliments my appearance even when I do full-face makeup. Not even during sex.
I really want a boyfriend who will flatter me and buy me roses and shit just to show me that he cares. I worry that I have unrealistic standards and that I'm just trying to pit myself against an unbeatable force. Any advice? | My boyfriend draws porn of original characters that bear no resemblance to me. I fear that I'm not his ideal girl/type and I have major insecurities about my breast size. |
t3_4f4fcs | relationships | My boyfriend (26M) was always following liking and following scantily clad women on instagram, so I (23F) broke up with him. | We've been dating for two years, I'll just preface this by saying I have nothing wrong against women posting revealing photos but I prefer my significant other not to be liking them for the world to see.
My boyfriend has always had his instagram since I've met him, I told him I thought it was weird that he would follow women that didn't follow him back, like their photos, look at their page. He said it was a way that he could see what people form his hometown were up too, which is probably BS because all these ladies only post lingerie and bikini photos.
He also follows my family members so I told him that I didn't like him liking these girl's photos when everyone can see that he is doing it.
So I deactivated my instagram for a while and then decided that I had taken a long enough break and reactivated it only to see that my boyfriend was continuing to follow tons of scantily clad women and liking their photos for the world (and my family members, friends, and his friends) to see.
We had another issue with him not respecting me in front of other people so I would say this was the last straw. I sat him down with the intention of discussing it before coming to a conclusion and fixing the problem so I told him how I was uncomfortable with his social media habits.
He didn't really see a fault in liking women's butt/bean/boob pics so I told him I didn't want to be in a relationship anymore.
He really thinks I made a mistake, thinks I'm making a mountain out of a molehill and wants me back ...but I just felt like it was a clear indication that he didn't respect me and our relationship.
I don't know if I overreacted anymore and am having a hard time staying strong in this breakup. I can't help but feel like I made a mistake even though I'm still not happy with him liking every hooch photo out there. | Bf always "likes" revealing photos of women on instagram, he didn't see the problem so I broke up with him. He wants me back and now I'm second guessing myself. |
t3_3c485a | tifu | TIFU by forgetting it's Saturday | This happened today a few hours ago and I'm writing this now that I've come back home.
So, summer school is almost over, last day was yesterday (Friday) and only the final tests remain to finally get over with this. Weird as it may be, the physics test was today Saturday at 8am. So lets rewind back to Friday night.. after a long day of hard procrastination and study, I decided it was time to go to sleep. I was thinking to myself "you know, ever since summer school started I've arrived to class just in the nick of time, this time I'll actually arrive with some extra time.", So I set the alarm I've been using since the beginning to ring a few minutes earlier (from 7am to 6:45am). Perfect, now lets get some sweet sleep. (Fuck up number 1)
There you have me, enjoying some sweet sleep dreaming about who knows what but probably something awesome. I kinda woke up by myself so I thought I'd catch up a few more minutes of sleep while the alarm goes off. (Fuck up number 2)
I'm still laying half asleep in bed, and a random thought went through my head. "It's been a pretty long while, the alarm should be going off anytime now". Then it hit me, my head turned around 180 as if someone had just slapped me in my right-side cheek, I see the clock and its already 8:28. I jump out of bed as if it was burning and dressed up as fast as I could, got in the car and sped my way to school.
What happened? Why didn't the alarm go off?? OF COURSE! IT'S FUCKING SATURDAY DUMBASS! The alarm you've used everyday only goes off on the weekdays not on the weekends and you didn't change that setting. So I arrive to the class, nearly a full hour late with the typical lame excuse "my alarm didn't go off". At least they did let me take the test with the remaining time. | Forgot the alarm I've been using for a month doesn't go off on weekends, today is Saturday, got an hour late to a test. |
t3_2g52h6 | offmychest | Don't feel like it's my responsibility | So my parents are separated, I split my time half and half, my mom's car a problem with the exhaust, got told to bring it to this garage where they don't go by appointment, you just drop the keys off in the morning and they try to pass your car throughout the day, but that kinda leaves you without a car, and they don't shuttle, so it's either shell out for a taxi, or have another ride, so the arrangement that I dropped her off at work, and brought her car to the garage, at my suprise this is how they worked, luckily I was able to get the car passed fairly early and I didn't have to wait very long, I expressed my dislike for the system that they used and that I didn't really want to do that since it does't really work well for me not having someone to pick me up.
Second time comes around I end up getting swindled into going again, this time I was lucky to have a drive however, but still this system really doesn't work that well, especially being that the garage is across town.
Now one of the last job that they did didn't hold through, and the car needed to be brought back there, we're talking about a job that would leave me in the lobby for hours, even if they manage to pass the car early, so I express that I don't really want to do it, because of the reason stated earlier, she just says that with work and all she doesn't have the time, in other words just saying too bad, ended up not doing it because honestly I'm a huge pushover and decided that this time I would just ignore it, mom's evidently mad, but doesn't say much, still just the thing about how she doesn't have time to do it.
Am I really a dick in this situation? I realize that I could've helped, but I also feel like it's not really my problem, and she kinda just pushed this on me without my approval. | Could've brought a car to a garage someone else, decided against it because I didn't want to to begin with, now feeling like a dick, and being indirectly guilt |
t3_1trcmu | relationships | I [19M] don't if I'm going crazy/paranoid or if something is going on with my girlfriend [19F} | I've been with my girlfriend four years now, however we did break up for a little while between April and August this year - but since we've been back together it's been really good - communicating every issue and being reasonable with each other over everything as well as generally having a good time and a good sex life.
However I've noticed recently she's started being incredibly protective over her phone and giving dumb excuses as to why I can't use it. It all seemed very textbook.
I regrettably did the stupid thing of looking at her text messages when she left the room because it did all seem a bit weird and out of character for her. There was nothing necessarily incriminating but she had been talking to one of the guys she plans on moving in with (we're currently at different universities in the UK, and she's moving into a house of eight next year) it was all a bit friendly, bordering on flirtatious but I decided to think nothing of it.
Fast forward to today and I decided to see if anything else had happened - looked at her messages and the text was gone. Is she trying to hide the conversation or did she just decide she didn't need it there anymore? I'm probably just going crazy as nothing else in the relationship is going wrong, but just wanted an outside source. | GF was acting weird with her phone - i checked, she was talking to a guy but nothing particularly sexual, checked again today and the conversation was gone. Is something fucked up? |
t3_192ohw | self | Stuck in an awful position and seriously need advice. | The last time I didn't buy tickets to see my all time favorite band play (because "it was a school night"), they ended up going on hiatus within the next nine months. I've forever regret not going anyway, as my parents were on vacation at the time.
Over four years since that missed show, I see the band is back together and are doing a show in my area. I immediately buy tickets, because of no conflicts with school, and am bursting of joy, tears in my eyes. Finally.
Tonight, over a month later, I went to add the show to my calendar. I have a lacrosse match for my university that night, EXACT same time. My team is low on players, and I feel absolutely sick about the whole situation.
Do I dare even talk to my teammates about it? I feel like crumbling up and slinking away. This is on our first game, too, and I really respect our coach and team.
But I've been dying to go to my band's concert for over five years, and even more so after the hiatus.
Please, anyone, I need feedback from other people before I accidentally shoot myself in the foot. | Have to choose between lacrosse match and first time concert of my favorite band that just got off of hiatus (tix already purchased). Do I dare even ask my teammates? |
t3_2x1kyn | Parenting | Mom-starved children | My wife is a nurse and works typically three to four 12 hour shifts a week, though she goes in at 5:30am and sometimes doesn't get home until after 7pm. My children (daughter 3yrs, and son 11mo) usually wake up early, but there are times when they don't wake up early enough to spend time with their mom. Even if they are up early enough, the time they get to spend with my wife is not quality time as she is frantically getting everything ready to leave on time. Sometimes at night, the 11 month old will be asleep by the time my wife gets home. Long story short, the kids don't get to see their mom on the regular like they see me.
The decreased time spent with their mom has created some separation issues for my children. And in particular, my daughter. While at day care or at home with me, she is absolutely fine. But when my wife decides to take the kids for the day instead of taking them to daycare, it becomes a train wreck. Melt down after meltdown; constant attention seeking; creating failures out of nothing to get sympathy attention. It has become very draining for my wife. She is getting to the point of wanting to not keep them home on select days despite the fact that she misses them greatly.
We are at a loss of what to do. | Wife is a nurse, is gone a lot. Children go nuts for her attention when she is home to the point of it creating a stressful home situation. |
t3_43rjr6 | relationship_advice | I [23/M] found questionable porn history of my GF's [24/F] tablet... Does it raise concern or am I being over dramatic? | Hey Guys,
So today I was playing on my gf's tablet while she is at work right now, she has no issue with that but I went to go watch porn on it myself and I guess I was curious to see what type of porn she watches so I looked at her history. I found the usual girl on girl, MFF threesomes and vanilla sex kind of stuff but what I'm a bit insecure about is the rough gang bang stuff where a tiny little petite woman is getting destroyed by like 15 guys!
I also found step-dad/daughter porn which made me raise an eyebrow as she was molested as a child and I am unsure of what to think.
Is this something that I should ask her about or just leave it as her getting aroused off taboo stuff? | Is my GF wanting to get gangbanged by 15 dudes or fucked by her stepdad for watching that kind of porn? |
t3_1o43ll | relationships | I am 24[F] trying to deal with my ex-boyfriend 24[M] - I'm trying to keep my distance while not hurting his feelings. | My ex and I dated for approximately a year and a half. I've come to the conclusion that throughout our relationship he was verbally abusing me. I was never good enough for him and he always made me aware of that fact. For a while I took it as him just trying to make me a better person (gotta love those relationship-blinders).
Another huge problem in our relationship was his family (divorced parents and one set of grandparents). His father and respective girlfriend were never nice to me or him and my boyfriend would take all of the pain he was feeling from his father and push it at me. His mother and her parents all hated me (because I didn't have the same heritage as them). He constantly took their side on things always putting me down.
I finally ended it but we were friends before we ever started dating and I still wanted to be friends after we broke up (sounds really stupid now). Every time I would talk to him I would get flashbacks about how terrible he and his family treated me. Finally I said I didn't want to talk to him for a while. He's still calling me when he has problems (like his father treating him like shit). I don't want to talk to him but I also have a heart and can't just turn someone away when they need a friend. What to do? | My ex still wants to talk to me but I don't want to talk to him back but I don't want to be mean. What can I do? |
t3_27a32l | askwomenadvice | I think I unintentionally was an asshole... | Hello ladies, 21 y/o male here. I need your opinions on this one...I met this woman a couple weeks ago. I was immediately attracted to her physically. As it turned it she's married to a woman, but in the process of getting a divorce. I assumed she wouldn't ever be interested in me. But a few nights ago we left the bar together and headed to her house. She came onto me and we ended up sleeping together.
The next morning we went out to breakfast. I told her beforehand I didn't have any cash. She offered to pay for me. I felt bad because I don't like going out places on other peoples dime. So the next night I saw her at the bar and offered to buy her a drink as a thanks for breakfast.
I should also say she was, unbeknownst to me, sleeping with a good friend of mine. I assumed it was a one night stand and haven't spoken to her much since. She hasn't really spoken to me either. My real question is: was it douchey for me to buy her a drink as a thanks for breakfast? I think she may have seen it that way... | Am I an asshole for buying this woman a drink to repay her for breakfast? Or for any other reason? Thanks. |
t3_2lo63h | relationships | My (27f) fiance (25m) doesn't want sex as much as I do. | My fiance generally works 50 to 60 hour work weeks lately. 12 hours a day for two weeks, and then two days off. I basically only have a part-time job, but I also keep up on all the house maintenance, indoor and outdoor. My fiance in general has never been a sexual person, due to the fact he hates being touched. Despite this, I generally enjoy having sex about twice or three times a week. I can go for a week without sex, but it's really upsetting for me.
It's not really just that, though. He also taunts me when I'm in the mood to be intimate, and he's really not. Last night, for example, he said he had been in the mood three times but didn't do anything because it quickly went away. He fondled me, kissed me seductively, and had no follow up, and did this all "to torment me". It was extremely irritating. I eventually gave up and said he was acting like a teenage virgin waffling back and forth over whether or not she was going to have sex. This really upset him, and I felt terrible after having said it, which I'd had said in a moment of anger. And we're back to the sexual dry spell.
What should I do? | Fiance doesn't want sex as much as me, and additionally taunts me about wanting it, provokes me into a sexual mood, and then leaves me hanging. All the time. |
t3_2kipz1 | tifu | TIFU by emptying a trash can on our back patio that's been out there for the past 5 months. | Guy who used to live here, who moved out in July, threw a plethora of random meat packages, scraps of food, etc... basically whatever packaging the meat came in that he was grilling. he also threw in an assortment of cigarette butts, and food scraps. Nobody knew it was out there / was full until my landlady asked me and my roommate to dump it out.
We approached the garbage can, and I noticed, it was full to the top with water... that's right, there were no drain holes... so all the rain water from the entire summer collected in it.
as I removed the lid, the stench hit me, i began to gag immediately. The stench was so vile, it felt like someone stuck my entire face into a rotting corpse and then shoved pure dogshit up my nose and into my mouth. I nearly passed out coughing and gagging on the smell.
At this point, me and my roommate realized we'd come this far, and we had to go all the way... on the count of 3, we lifted the 20 gallon garbage can up, and into the much larger garbage can that goes out to the curb on wheels... what we weren't expecting was the splashback. That was mistake #1... So now we're covered in garbage goo... we smell like we took a bath in a sewer from a slaughter house. and we're gagging and on the verge of tears trying not to vomit our dinner. But it gets worse. we didn't realize it... those blue garbage cans you leave on the curb? Yeah... they have DRAIN HOLES.... so all 20 gallons of the goo, started pouring out slowly as we wheeled it across our back patio, our driveway, all the way to the street...
Now it's on our shoes, ourselves, and all over the back patio.
It's been over an hour, and now the smell is starting to come into the house... other people are beginning to gag, and even after taking a hose to it, it smells like pure vile rotting flesh.
Rinsing it down with water isn't helping... it's just spreading the stench. | Dumped a 20 gallon pail of rotting garbage that had mushrooms and rotten meat that was allowed to rot in hot summer sun for 5 months and proceeded to dump it all over our back patio for all to enjoy. |
t3_38zvhi | relationships | [23 M] feelings came back for [21 F] ex after 5 months. | My ex broke up with me about 5 months ago and things did not end well. We loved each other and were serious about our relationship. Unfortunately, things turned bad to due a lot of factors. She broke up with me and we ended on bad terms. We blocked each other on social media and stopped contact with each other.
A few days ago, I was contacted by her saying that she has heard that I am posting stuff about her. I told her that i am not and that I am trying to move on in life. We were trying to settle things and eventually made peace with each other and ended on civil terms. Hearing her voice again and talking brought back all our memories. I wanted her back and wanted to be together.
Before all this, I had started to move on. I started talking to someone new and I am suppose to go on a date with the new girl tomorrow. But i can't keep my mind off my ex. I just need some advice, thanks. | made peace with my ex of 5 months and now I feel like i want to get back but have a date with someone tomorrow. |
t3_j8i0n | AskReddit | Reddit, what's the best way to break out of the "friend zone"? | Here's the backstory. There's a girl that I work with that I've ended up becoming really interested in, but I'm not sure what I should do to break out of the "friend zone" with her. We've only known each other for a few months, and we've grown really close over the time that we've known one another. We have a ton in common, and whatever we don't we love debating about it (foundation of a healthy relationship, if you ask me). Holy hell, just last night I went over to her place and we played Crash Team Racing and Tetris Plus, watched a movie, and never had a dull or awkward moment. I look for the signs that she may be interested (unnecissary physical contact, playing with her hair, body language, etc.) and those signs tell me she's down. But the next moment, she'll snuggle up to me and say she's glad she has "such a good friend". So I just don't know what to think, and I think I may have fucked myself over by joking and telling her "you're too young for me" when we first met (she's 20, I'm 27.) I don't know what to do, and it's more sensitive of a situation than just "going for it". We do work together, after all. I'd prefer shit not getting awkward if I misread her. Any advice on the matter would be extremely appreciated. Thank you! | Guy, 27, likes coworker girl, 20. Mutual interest seems present, but signals are mixed. Seeking advice to find out and make a move without disrupting workplace harmony. |
t3_xw6lc | relationships | F26 M29 - In a perfect relationship for 3 years, just know he's not the one. What should I do? | I have been in a perfect relationship for 3 years, I live with my boyfriend and he's an incredible man. He helps me emotionally, financially, and in every other way. I do the same for him, we are just there for eachother. We make eachother laugh, we have a fun life together. I love him with my entire heart, but there is just something missing. I miss him when he's gone, I daydream about our futre. What is wrong with me?
If I were to leave it would be a world of heartache for both myself and him, and it could be the biggest mistake of my life. I just know there is something I'm suppose to feel that I'm not feeling.
Does anybody have any experience with this? | Something is missing from my perfect relationship, but I don't know what it is, and I don't know how to fix it. Should I leave? |
t3_2quxcg | relationships | I [20F] want to bring my girlfriend [26F] to my father's [54M] wedding, but his fiancee [50sF] only wants family. What to do? | I was estranged from my father from ages 14-19 and refused to speak to him because he left my mother for the woman he is about to marry. I ended up coming around and letting go of my anger, and we have slowly been building up a relationship for about a year.
My father is marrying this woman in June, and I have never met her. She wants to keep the wedding small, family only. My sister and her husband are going, but I would have to go by myself and be surrounded by a group of people (including her 3 daughters and their husbands) whom I have never met.
My father is a VP of a very successful company, so cost is not an issue, and I feel that making an exception and allowing me to bring my girlfriend is a small thing, as it would make me feel way more comfortable among a group whom I don't really know.
I know this woman is not saying no to my girlfriend for homophobia reasons (they live in Portland), but because she just wants it to be small. I don't see how adding one extra person is a big deal. My father is very open to having my girlfriend come, and said he would make sure his fiancee was okay with it, because he really wants me to be there and feel comfortable.
On the other hand, I believe that the bride and groom should have the wedding they want, and if that means family only, then I think it should be that.
So, I'm stuck. I would feel really uncomfortable without my girlfriend there, but I think my father's future wife should make an exception because I've never met them and it would really help me with my severe anxiety issues with crowds and people I don't know well.
So, what should I do? Should I insist my girlfriend goes and make it so it's not family only for one person, or should I concede and spend 5 days with a wedding party being uncomfortable so that the bride can have her wedding the way she wants? | Father's fiancee doesn't want me to bring my girlfriend to her wedding because it's family only. I think that's dumb and she should be able to come, because I've never met these people and would be uncomfortable. |
t3_2i6fve | relationships | I [25 M] stupidly decided to check out the cell phone of my SO [30 F] of four years. I found out that she got drunk had sex with her ex while I was out of town | I stupidly decided to go through my girlfriend's messages because she has been going through tough times and has become more and more distant. But she has been on her phone almost constantly. So my damn curiosity got the best of me and boom I'm in her messages.
I find an alternative recount of a night with friends a few weekends ago when I went out of town. She had told me that she hung out with an group of her older friends from earlier times that included an ex-boyfriend. She had said a fun night of board games and drinking went too far and before she knew it, she was on a bed with guys trying to get with her (verbally, I guess) but that a good mutual friend of hers who was not as drunk, protected her. I trust her, so that was all I needed to hear.
That apparently didn't happen, I read in a conversation with a friend that she had actually had sex with her ex and was drunk but was kissing back etc and she ending up sleeping with him for the night.
Now I just feel so hurt. I have set up my entire life around her and have put her first over my friends, family and career. I have totally committed myself to her so fully I really don't have any non-mutual with my gf, close enough friends that I can even talk to about this.
Now I just feel so betrayed. I want to get back at her by sleeping with someone else because a major issue in our relationship is that my girlfriend was concerned that I choose her instead of having a normal bachelor period. I always responded that I only wanted her amd have been faithful through a decent amount of opportunities to stray.
And the worst part is, over the past few months I've been becoming convinced that she was the one woman I would ever want, and that no one would be better for me than her. I had even picked out a ring but financial instability of my career change made me feel unworthy of even proposing to her. Now I just don't know what I think. | Girlfriend got too drunk and slept with her ex. I find out by snooping. Now I just want to self destruct. What should I do? |
t3_2tzg41 | jobs | Help in negotiating with a lot of leverage | I've never quite been in this position and could really use some advice.
I've just been sent an offer letter for a job I applied at after being contacted from the company recruiter. This job is highly specialized, and the last two years of work experience I have have been directly tied to doing everything this job needs.
I got away with never mentioning salary or even a range through the process, had a great interview, and received an offer letter the next day.
I've received an offer that is about $10k lower in base salary than I want, and about $5-6k lower than I would accept, but does have a "10% salary in bonus based on team performance" and I need to clear up exactly what that entails and its attainability.
I know that I'm in a position of power because this job has been open for over a year, and the company typically hires fresh graduates and trains them into a position like this because finding someone with quality experience is exceedingly rare.
The experience I do have related to this work is at a higher level than the job would be at, but for a much smaller company, and the offer extended to me seems like only about 5% more than they offer fresh graduates with no experience.
Benefits are between average and good, and the bonus seems nice if attainable, but the base salary is really my main sticking point, as getting closer to the range I'm is going to be worth far more down the road.
To make matters more interesting, on the other side of this highly specialized work I'm doing is the company I currently work for. I got a double promotion this past week and I am about to begin negotiations with them as well and believe they will offer comparable or slightly higher salary, but with fewer benefits. | Have a decent offer from a place I like, want about 10% more than they have offered. They are very unlikely to fill the position if I decline, so I'm looking for the right way to counter. |
t3_qfr5z | AskReddit | Hey Reddit, I feel like the internet is missing a site for organizing all arguments and counter arguments, listing their sources, and rating their credibility. How would you structure such a site? | This is a question that's been rolling around my head for a while now: It seems like a lot of people don't even know what the current state of their favorite debate is. For example, in the [Antisec-Monsanto] thread, going down the top comments, you'd think that each person was living on a different planet, regarding the state of GE foods. Ex: Golden Rice is a popular pro-GE argument, but one person says it isn't even approved for human consumption, while others seem to be praising its success!
What I'd like more than anything at this point in the internet's development is one place to write support and dissent for every position, including citations, and some system for rating the credibility or destructiveness of an argument, so that someone browsing could easily see the strongest arguments for and against a given position.
It seems like such a site could really save us these redundant arguments where we seem to be re-hashing a somewhat superficial version of the argument, without reinforcing it with the depth of real sources or evidence. With the site I'd hope for, the current best supported arguments would float to the top to contend with each other, so that readers could essentially evaluate the issue for themselves.
I understand that some kinds of arguments are appeals to authorities we might not all agree on, and it seems like that would have to be accounted for in such a site as well. I've been starting to teach myself Django just so I could eventually take a shot at such a site, but frankly, I don't even really know where I'd start. | Our information, while abundant, does not seem to be structured in the form of one constant debate, even though it often is one. I want a site for that. |
t3_37itcv | relationships | Me [25 M] with my crazy girlfriend [22 F] for three years, have a one year old baby after an accidental pregnancy, and i have no idea how to make our life work. Please help. | Hi Reddit,
I'm here for some help and advice for my troubled family life.
A little background: I'm a 25 male in graduate school, with at least two years left before I graduate. About two years ago my girlfriend got pregnant (yes it's mine, and yes it was an accident). We now have a beautiful little boy now 13 months old who is just wonderful.
Unfortunately my girlfriend has been very stressful. She is currently living with her parents (with the baby), six hours driving time away. She refuses to live with me while I finish school. I've been driving back and forth a lot to visit. She also refuses to get a job at the present, refusing to consider daycare or letting her retired parents watch the baby. She also wants us to get pregnant with a second child within the year, which I really don't want to do right now.
Additionally, she has severe issues with my family (parents and sister), getting very stressed out and imagining that they don't accept her. She has a history of anxiety, getting upset and stressed over trivial things about what other people think of her, and in my opinion she is imagining a lot of the issues. She has trouble letting things go. She's at the point where she wants me to cut myself off from my family.
Both our families have been very supportive, financially and otherwise, so we really don't have any economic issues presently.
I am of the opinion that we can all be one big happy family (her family and my family), eventually all singing songs around the campfire so-to-speak.
I am also of the opinion that we should not have a second child until we are living together and we have a good income (we both have school loan debt).
I love my son and want to see him everyday, and I love my girlfriend as best I can but she makes it really hard for me. | I got my crazy girlfriend pregnant, we have a wonderful one year old toddler, and our life goals for the next few years don't line up. Please help. |
t3_2mghlw | relationships | How do I [M25] take it slow [F25] | Hey all
So I'm the type of jumps into relationships too early, then after 3 month find myself unhappy but then stay with them for upwards of a year, unhappy and misurable.
I've been doing e-Dating and gone out with a few girls, but I didn't expect me to actually really like any until I met this girl the other day.
It seems as if she is also in a very similar position and just trying out the dating thing without committing, but I'm fairly sure she has a particular interest in me, just as I have for her.
My question is, should this start to develop, how would you 'take it slow'. I always here the term but never known what it actually entails... | what actually is 'taking things slow' what do you / not do..... How would one agree to that particular option? |
t3_39v458 | relationships | My sister [19F] Seems to be abandoning my family, is this just a phase? | Hey Reddit, I would just like to get some of your perspectives on an issue that is going down in my family regarding my sister, and if what she's doing is normal behaviour or just a phase that is typical to go through.
My sister, who is 19, has just done her first year of University and ever since it started in September she has been extremely distant with my family, to the point where since Christmas we've only seen her twice and she even didn't show up to my mother's birthday.
I understand that this is semi-normal to not see your family as much while in University/College but I was under the impression that was due to the whole distance and travel issue, however, my sister didn't leave town for University, she currently lives around 20-30 minutes away from home.
The only reason why I'm asking this now is because a few hours ago she was having a conversation with my mother over Facebook which resulted in my mum in tears for hours because my sister said the reason she hasn't been coming home was because of her, and I quote, "terrible childhood". Which, I'm sorry, is a complete lie. My sister is only 1.5 years older than me so we basically had the same childhood and it has really pissed me off that she has made my parents feel like complete failures, given that they've sacrificed everything for us after having us at such a young age.
I'm sorry but I just can't help but think she's being, pardon my French, an ungrateful bastard. | Sister has my mother in tears after saying the reason she doesn't come to visit was because of her "terrible childhood" and seem to be abandoning my family. |
t3_34l70w | relationships | Should I (F16) be jealous of my boyfriend (M17) spending lots of time with a close female friend (F15)? | My boyfriend (for 3 months) has a female friend that he spends a lot of time with, usually alone. They've gone to watch a movie together and have hung out after school and stuff, one-on-one.
Once, he lied to me about going to watch a show with her and told me that he went by himself, and afterwards when I found out, he promised he wouldn't lie again and that he only lied because he was scared I'd get mad that he went to the show at all.
The other girl is my friend and has told me before (a few months ago, before we were dating) that she would date him if he asked her.
He doesn't have a lot of close female friends and she's the only one he hangs out with consistently and privately. They've known each other for ~7 months, which is the same time that he met me.
He promises me that they're just platonic and I'm not sure whether to believe him. His argument is that I'm never free so that's why he spends time with her. | What's the difference between simply hanging out and a date? Should I be jealous if my boyfriend is spending a lot of private time with a female friend or am I overreacting? |
t3_2q989g | tifu | TIFU by not checking the mail because I am a terrible planner [nsfw (?)] | Today is awkward, and I had a minor defeat. More than a week ago I ordered something through Amazon and today I received it, to my surprise. Well, my dad received it first. I ordered cock rings.
I currently live with my parents and I go to college. Recently I started a... drug... schedule of sorts and it made me hornier than usual. On one of those medicated days, I impulsively purchased those paraphernalia... cock rings (paraphilia also counts). Yes.
I am horribly disorganized and I completely forgot to check the mail boxes during the expected dates of arrival. I was just pacing around browsing the web prior to go see a movie (The Hibbit Part 3). Then my dad calls me. It's customary here that everyone yells at each other from across the house to communicate. As expected, I barely heard him while I was lost in thought reading from the web. I confusedly approach him at the bottom of the stairs with him holding 2 packages the size of envelopes.
I can never tell if he has any idea of what's happening or not so I just assumed that he knew what was inside them. I mean, the company that makes the cock rings had a pretty clear name if I remember correctly. Something that reminds you of sex.
So, I was just blunt and honest without being too descriptive (it's embarrassing for me to talk anything sexual with my parents or at least with my dad). And as expected he was rather opposed to me and my antics and lectured me about not needing these items. Maybe that was some kind of subliminal message to mock me. So I was just responding with "yeah" "ok" "I know", not really wanting to defend myself or be pressured. I was casual but only because I realized that I made the stupid mistake of letting someone else get my mail (disappointed in myself [not the cock rings]).
And the thing that makes this a TIFU is that when I reentered the basement my items were missing and my dad was the only one around. | my dad obtained my sex toy parcels and he's probably getting kinky with it because he's a depraved conservative. |
t3_mcs6u | AskReddit | Contacted via LinkedIn at 11:30pm... how do I respond to this guy? | Okay, a little background:
I'm finishing up a CS degree and have about 4 companies on the line - so I'm feeling pretty damn good.
Well a random guy I added on LinkedIn several months back just sent me a message saying "we're looking for entrepreneur-minded individuals and you seemed to fit the bill, we should chat soon." So me, being a tired and thoughtless college student, instantly said "sure! here's a number and an email shoot me a message" because I honestly was thinking "He's seen my profile - I'm not businessman or salesman, I'm a web developer so he'd only send me messages about web development or even software development-y things."
I went back to look at his profile to find that he's from Amway (that company sucked the salesman life out of grandpa, sorry to any who like it, no offense meant).
None of that really threw me though, I mean no harm in talking to him sometime!
He sent a message 2 minutes later.... via text message. It was 11:30pm at the time.
So I guess I have two questions:
Is that actually acceptable?
How should I respond? I'd be game to mess with him a bit ;)
I'll note that I give non-personal contacts a Google Voice number so its easier to... manage them. | guy looking to talk about jobs sends me a _text_ at 11:30pm on a Monday minutes after a first contact, how do I respond? |
t3_17x85b | dating_advice | (21 F) How to tell when I'm in a "FWB" situation or in the beginning phase of a relationship? | This is sort of about a current situation that I am in, but also just a general question. I have had a lot of "friends with benefits"/"fuck buddies." I reaalllyy enjoy sex, so if I'm not dating someone, the easiest way for me to get some on a regular basis is to just sleep with a friend/acquaintance. I like to be as straight forward as possible, so most of the time I'll talk with the guy and establish that it's strictly a sex thing. I'm good with sex, I'm not good with dating. I've only seriously dated one guy; we slept together for about 2 months before it just sort of turned into a relationship, and we dated for 2 years. I can't even remember how we made it official. The transition from just friends, to friends who fuck, to dating, really confuses me.
I recently met someone (20 M) through mutual friends. We hung out with our friends a few times, started texting, and then got drunk one night and ended up having sex. We've slept together a handful of times in the past 2 weeks, and I'm actually really into him. Sometimes he'll text me first just to say hey, sometimes I'll text him and I won't hear from him until a couple of days later. I can't read him and it is driving me crazy, but since we've only known each other for a few weeks, I don't want to go all crazy girl, "DO YOU LIKE ME?! WHAT ARE WE DOING?! DEFINE THIS NOW." I think I already screwed it up by sleeping with him too soon, most guys won't want to date a girl they fucked right away, right? | How can I tell if a guy that I'm sleeping with is actually into me, or just wants to fuck? And if the only way to find out is by asking, what's a not awkward way to ask? |
t3_43cztk | relationships | My [56 M] son [19 M] wants to change universities for the second time. | When my son graduated high school he enrolled in a media course at a nearby university. He then changed his mind before he started this course and switched to a more prestigious university which is famous for it's liberal arts degrees. He enrolled in a molecular science/liberal arts double major but quickly dropped it to a sole liberal arts major. In his second semester he picked up some computer science units which he scored extremely well in. He told me he had found his passion and he hasn't lost interest in computing for about 8 months. He has also found part-time work in computing which he has been doing over the christmas break.
I recommended he come to the university I lecture at, as it has a better reputation for computing (#1 in Australia) and is better aligned with the industry. However, he told me he wanted to stay at his current university to study computing.
He took a math course over the christmas break at my university to prepare him for his computer science degree. During his time at my university, he suddenly changed his mind again. He now wants to transfer to the university I teach at and study computer science there. He says he found the maths course very 'strong' and 'liked the facilities'. He also says he looked at some statistics and found that my university has a much higher employment rate and starting salary for his discipline.
I am frustrated that he waited so long to change universities and I am afraid this constant chopping and changing may be a pattern that will not stop.
Does my concern have roots in truth and legitimate risk, or is it me just being a 'hard-arse' and 'paranoid' (as my son says). | my son has frequently been changing his life plans, but has found something he loves. However, I am afraid this constant chopping and changing is a pattern that will continue. |
t3_2gvgic | relationships | Boyfriend (26M) keeps lying about his ex. It's upsetting me (26F). | Everything in our relationship is good bar this one icky topic. Been together only 6 months. He is friends with his ex (they went for about a year and broke up a while ago, and it was about a year later that he met me), which is fine; I'm friends with most of my exes too. But for some reason, he keeps lying about when he is hanging out with her, as if he wants me to believe she does not exist.
Recently he said he was going for a family dinner, but after a snoop through his texts (I know, I shouldn't have) apparently he was having dinner with her instead, but didn't tell me.
I don't know how to trust much of what he says anymore. I know I should talk to him about it, but what do I say? I love him and I don't want this to end but this is hurting me so much :( | Boyfriend keeps lying about hanging out with his ex. Do I need to get over it or do I need to get angry? |
t3_4f72z8 | legaladvice | Should I take my former friend to small claims court over $300? | Throwaway because friends are Redditors. This all happened in Alabama.
A year ago I let a friend and his wife move into my home. The house is owned by my wife and I. Soon after I caught them smoking pot in my backyard. I told them that I will not put up with or allow that on my property.
Fast forward a month ago and this "friend" gets messed up on something and starts destroying my basement. A friend of mine managed to get him outside where he continued to yell, scream, assault my friend and threaten me, my wife and my neighbors. I was completely caught off guard and called the police and EMS. As I'm putting on clothes to go outside and handle the situation, he bursts through my front door, destroying it and the door frame. He ended up assaulting me and my friend before the police and EMS showed up.
His wife went and stayed with her parents that night because it scared her as well. I ended up kicking them out, and haven't spoken a word to him since. I didn't file a police report as they told me there was no reason to unless I was going to seek a warrant, which I'm not because he'll be a father soon. They assured me that all of the records are kept there in case I need them. I have kept contact with his wife, as she needed to come get their belongings, and I banned him from stepping foot on my property.
I have since replaced the door and frame. After parts and labor it's around $300 (I have all receipts.) They also wrecked my basement, from having a dog and leaving moldy food and such down there, it's going to have to be super cleaned. I've tried contacting her, and haven't heard anything since they got their belongings, and she blocked me and my wife on social media. What should we do? Should we seek small claims court or just forget it and move on. | Former friend whom I let live in my home while he got on his feet got messed up on drugs and destroyed my front door. What should I do? |
t3_2dw6zh | weddingplanning | Ideas for bridal shower where bride has requested no gifts? | Hello All!
I'm a bridesmaid in my friend's wedding. She made it very clear she did not want a shower but the MOH is insisting. One of the main reason she didn't want the shower is because she doesn't want gifts. The couple have a home, and have everything they need already. Another reason for not wanting gifts is that they are also hoping to be pregnant soon after the wedding (they were actively trying before they got engaged, but have now put it on hold until the wedding craziness is over), and would probably end up having a baby shower later in the same year. The bride feels it's unfair to expect people to give so much in such a short time period. Although the MOH will let the guests know that their presence at the bridal shower is enough, I still think people will bring gifts. As a guest, I would still bring something.
So my question is how can we give people the opportunity to bring a gift in this situation?
I had seen the idea of giving booze that would be used for the wedding, but the hall is including the alcohol in their cost so that's not going to work. The obvious answer is money, but the bride thinks it's tacky to ask for money flat out. I suggested a honeymoon fund which she wasn't completely opposed to.
Any ideas? Have any of you brides been in this situation? What did you/would you have liked? | bride doesn't want gifts for bridal shower, i think people will still bring something. any ideas for how we can theme the gifts so that it's something they can use? |
t3_1fzcuk | relationships | Is it normal to find living with someone this difficult? (Me f,22 - Him m,24) | This might just be me being... Weird I guess, I don't know. I wouldn't rule it out, put it that way.
We started living together a month and half ago. My place was practically falling down and although I can easily afford to live by myself, my boyfriend of (then) 9 months and I decided I would move into his apartment. I spent most of my time there anyway so I just made sense. Previous to this he had lived alone for nearly two years and u had lived alone for a year and a bit.
So a month and a half later I'm starting to get a bad feeling about it all? Yes, it's as wishy-washy as "a bad feeling", like it was wrong or I shouldn't be with him anyway.
We have vastly different ideas about the cleanliness of a home, about cooking and things like that. We seem to do less and less of the romantic stuff and only have sex a couple of times a week. We get on, on a relationship level, really well for the most part (occasional argument, but that's normal right? Please tell me that's alright or there will be another "am I normal?!" Post brewing..).
I guess I'm wondering whether there should be more of a honey-moon period and me being unhappy with the toilet seat always being up and him always leaving clothes/shoes/washing up is just teething problems and it's always hard? Do I have ridiculously high standards? Is this the epitome of first world problems?
Any feedback would be great, any questions welcome. | Moved in with boyfriend a month and a half ago and feel like their should have been a "honey moon" period but there kinda wasn't. Making me doubt.... Everything..... |
t3_xtq73 | relationships | Is it weird that I have my own room now that my Boyfriend and I have moved in together? | Well as the title says, my boyfriend and I have just officially moved in together, (myself 23, he 22) grabbed all my stuff yesterday. Yay! However, talking with my mom she thinks it's completely strange that I should have my own room. I don't think it is, and these are the reasons I gave her:
The main bedroom isn't big enough to hold two dressers and it has a tiny closet, so this way, its like I have my own walk in closest. The bed is set up for those nights when we have company (guest bedroom) or when we might need time apart. Plus I will have my desk in there, so if I need to get away to do homework (I am still in university) I can have my quiet time.
However, she didn't think those were good enough reasons and that its his way of keeping me at a distance. He offered the bedroom up and it was completely my decision, otherwise I could have stuffed everything in the main bedroom. Basically, my mom made me feel horrible about having my own room and about moving in with him in the first place considering we have only been together 3 months. | Does anyone else have their own room while living with their SO or advice on dealing with a mother who doesn't like your life decisions? |
t3_4mm0x0 | relationships | My [20 M] fellow intern [22 F] is into me and comes on to me a lot. I'm not into her. | I just finished the first week if a summer long internship. A few of us got pretty drunk the other night. Three of us played spin the bottle which meant I alternated kissing two different girls. I realized that this girl was actually into me and I'm not at all into her. I'd like to be friends, and we are forced to see each other all the time. She's coming on rather strong, tries to sit next to me at every opportunity, she stares at me a lot too. I really don't know how to handle this. How do I get her to back off? Without upsetting her a ton. | My [20 M] fellow intern [22 F] is into me and comes on to me a lot. I'm not into her. How do I get her to back off? |
t3_2xqksg | relationships | Me [18 M] with my girlfriend [17 F] of 2 months, feel like I'm being left out, don't know how to act. | So, recently I got into a relationship with a girl from work (ski instructors) . This is not my first relationship (my last was 7 months with a 22 year old) so I have had experience with reationships in the past.
So I'll try and explain this the best I can, in the past two weeks we've barely seen each other. I've been super sick with bronchitis and she was on a trip with her family. Whenever we would talk or text she would mention how much she missed me, but after I finally saw her on Saturday at work she barely even aknowleged me. Our relationship is not hidden from anyone at work so I don't think it would be to hide it from anyone. I wasn't expecting a passionate embrace or anything but a quick hug or something would've been nice. She didn't seem mad at me when we're alone and she told me how she'd missed me during that time. It seems like I'm always the one who has to initiate anything with her (hugs, kisses, holding hands, anything really) it's not really that big of deal, it's just confusing and a little disappointing to me. She is a very happy-go-lucky kind of girl who is almost always super excited to see even a casual acquaintance. So it's confusing to me that she would barely even aknowlege that I was there.
We both ski competitively and on Sunday we had finals for the season, we rode the chairlift together for about an hour until some of her friends showed up I basically got ditched. I figured she wanted to ride with them and went off with a few of my friends. Later that day she posted some picture to insta tagging nearly everyone that was there that day (even a bunch of mutual friends who ones who were not in the picture) except me. She can get kind of spacey around her friends so I guess it's just kind of who she is. Nevertheless it can be alittle dissapointing sometimes. Hpe that wasn't too much of a wall and I can provide more detail to clear anything up. | Girlfriend says how much she misses me after not seeing each other for about two weeks, barely aknowleges me when I see her. |
t3_3czu5k | tifu | TIFU by having anorexia | This morning I was sitting in the parking lot of my local gym, finishing my preworkout before I went inside. I have medically diagnosed anorexia, so I have absolutely no desire to eat. This disease obviously takes a toll on my body in many ways, which includes not having energy among other issues that I had not known about before this moment. I managed to down the remaining preworkout in my bottle and made a Facebook status saying "having second thoughts on going to the gym, diminished by excessive amounts of preworkout", then let out a toot.
We've all enjoyed our morning farts, and that's alright. Sometimes those farts feel wet, but you know you're being deceived; it's all a fun game our assholes play on us. You know where I'm going. This toot felt a bit too wet, so I touched my ass through my yoga pants, only to take my hand away to see it dripping it watery shit… Not eating devolves your poop into thick, stinky water.
I stopped as soon as possible to a gas station, getting out of my car to see the real mess, an ocean of poop on my car seat. Can you imagine being on your way to work, stopping for gas, and seeing some chick covered in shit, crying and trying to wipe up her mess with gas station napkins? The worst part of all of this was that I had finished my energy drink, so I was tweaking out, not being able to stop moving to express this energy. I have never felt so hopeless. | There is not an amount of preworkout that could keep me from checking into the gym after I've created a pool of shit for myself to sit in. |
t3_1czu83 | relationships | Should I tell my brother [27M] that our entire family hates his soon-to-be-fiance? | My brother [27M] has been in a relationship with his girlfriend [27F] for 4-5 years. He has been shopping for an engagement ring and my family and I [25F] are struggling if we should tell him that we think he's making a big mistake. We don't like her because:
1. She does not respect him, especially in front of us and it's awkward to watch your brother be belittled in front of the entire family
2. We believe he could find someone who complimented his personality and supported him (instead of nagging and criticizing, especially in front of other people)
3. He seems happier and more carefree when she isn't around, when it's just us.
My sister says we should speak our minds "while there's still time". But I feel pretty strongly that if my family told me they didn't like my partner, I'd tell them to fuck off and never speak to them again. Our issue is that it's not only his happiness and "eternity" but the rest of our lives that we have to deal with her too.
I love my brother deeply. I cannot change his girlfriend. Should I tell him how I/we feel or should I shut up?
Do you have a sibling-in-law that you hate? How do you deal with it? Do you wish you'd said something sooner? How do you navigate birthdays and holidays? | My brother's soon-to-be-fiance sucks, would you risk saying something and ruining your relationship with him? |
t3_1os227 | relationships | I [20 F] am not sure if it's working with my boyfriend [20 M] of 3 years any more | My boyfriend and I have been since the last year of college (UK), and we have managed to keep up a long distance relationship during term time for two years while being at different universities.
We try to see each other every 2-3 weekends. During these weekends, we are excited to see each other, we kiss and cuddle and have sex, but the next day everything feels a bit awkward and strained.
I feel like he's under my feet/I'm under his, and we have silly snappy arguments that make me feel like crap. They usually embarrass me because they're in front of other people, and he tends to initiate it. It's all resolved by bedtime though, and we have a fantastic sex life (we lost out virginities to each other, and know exactly how the other likes it), but lately I think that's the only reason I'm looking forward to seeing him at all.
I am inclined to think it's just that we don't know how to act around each other because we only spend the odd weekend together, but it's a similar story when we're home for holidays too. I spend quite a lot of time around his house, mainly because all our friends live closer to him than me. This means we spend most of our time around other friends too, which dilutes any problems we may be having.
I've been having these feelings for about 6 months now. There are lots of reasons I haven't just broken up with him. I still love him, but I feel like we've run out of things in common and are just going through the motions until we can get each other to bed. I am feeling held back by the relationship now, and almost like we've outgrown each other. I'm scared that if I break up with him, all my friends will turn against me, because we have a lot of mutual friends, and outwardly we seem happy together. | I feel like I've outgrown my boyfriend from 'home' into my third year of university, and the only thing keeping us together is physical |
t3_3z3tcm | relationships | M/22 F/20 She says she's confused... | The day before new years Eve she tells me that her ex boyfriend just got back from over seas after a year. She thought that he wouldn't be coming back and now she's confused... We've been together for ten months and she's honestly the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I've been in a three year relationship but this one seems more real. We talk about moving in together sometime soon and joke about what our babies would look like. Typical stuff I guess. Then all of a sudden this guy messages her that he's back and now 'everything's changed'.
I feel like I was just a replacement to make her feel better because honestly, we look a lot alike. Except he goes to the gym more. Everything fucking sucks and I don't know what to do. My ex girlfriend (3yrs) kept trying to contact me at various times in our relationship and I always told showed her the messages, never bid anything.
She asks me to deal with it so I did. I told her I never wanted to see her again. Telling someone who has been with you for that long in your life takes a chunk out of who you are. But I did it for her. And now this situation. New years Eve I'm having a party at my place and I'm stuck in my bedroom with her all night trying to calm her down because she's sorry she hurt me.
She just told me that she going to deactivate all of her social media because she keeps stalking him. Every day. I knew it was bad but not this bad. I just need some guidance, please help me. | her ex boyfriend is back from over seas, what I thought was long term love now feels like doormat rebound. She still loves her ex, I never would have started a relationship with her if I knew that. |
t3_4ibm0p | relationships | My [30f] boyfriend [25m] of 5 months is out of town constantly and rarely communicates while he's away. How do I cope? | My boyfriend and I started dating in early December. His family owns a farm about three hours away from our city, and he is down there helping out pretty much all the time. Sometimes I will go two weeks without seeing him at all. He is a seasonal firefighter, and work starts soon which will make our time together even more limited. When he is in town, he splits his time between me and his friends. Generally we go out with friends together and hang out alone in the evenings, but sometimes he will go out all day and night with his friends to play airsoft or Settlers of Catan or rock climbing or whatever.
I knew when I started dating him that his career and his family are super important to him. I don't want to inhibit that since it's part of the reason I adore him. He works hard, plays hard, and values the people he loves. All great qualities!
The problem is not really our limited time together... It's that he doesn't really call or text me when he is away. I understand that when fire season starts, this won't really be possible, but when he's down on the farm all week it would be really nice to get a goodnight text or a call at lunch or something!
I just want to feel like I'm an equally important part of his life. How do I communicate that without coming across as needy? How do I cope with this sense of loneliness? | My boyfriend is out of town a lot, and doesn't call or text while he is away. I feel neglected. Help! |
t3_269wsy | relationships | I [23M] feel like I'm going to end up marrying my (one and only) [23F] SO | We have a very long past, as long as someone as young as us can have. We started dating when I was about 15, but ended it when I was about 20. Obviously we've matured a lot over those years, and it has made our relationship even more unique, along with the strange situations we've been through with each other.
We've been "friends" ever since we broke up, because of shitty situations and the need to fall back on someone we trust, but we both have a decent understanding of both of our opinions of each other.
She is admittedly very attached to me, and I am extremely confused.
I'd really like to know if anyone else has been in this situation, and made it work without completely cutting the other person out. I'm willing to remove her from my life, but it would be a really shitty thing to do.
I'm also very lonely, and in my disillusioned mind think that we could maybe life happily ever after... | I'm super lonely, and my one and only SO is crazy about me. She's actually great, and knows me well. Should I get back with her?! |
t3_2vmza6 | relationships | Me 23 m her 25 f we dated for 3 years and then I moved across the country and it was over 3 years ago. | It was kind of a rocky ending and we really loved each other. Since then I have moved on she lives in Arizona I live in washington. I think she has a boyfriend maybe something more and also she has a kid now. I will be visiting Arizona for a weekend or a week in a couple months and I'm wondering if it would be wrong to add her on Facebook again and see if she'd like to get coffee and catch up. We both used to fire dance all the time together it would be awesome to see her spin fire and show her what I have learned. | is it OK to contact my ex who has a kid and a boyfriend just to say hi while I'm in town for a couple days? |
t3_2u17hf | Advice | The barber cut off a bit too much hair – what can I do to help grow it back? | I had some serious rug-head this past week and needed a haircut badly. I went to the barber this evening to take care of this. I wear glasses, so I take them off as I sit down – the world goes blurry. Barber asks what I want – I ask for a '4' (turned out to be half an inch – about 1cm). Barber asks me if I'm sure, I say yes, and the deed is done. I start a new job in less than a week and I would like to not look like a chia pet on my first day by something that is totally and utterly my fault.
My hair grows at a pretty normal rate, I'd say – my hair isn't thinning and my head isn't balding – what can I do to speed up the process, if anything? I'm hesitant to use hair growth stuff meant for balding men: | Guy thinks he remembers the guard numbering system; accidentally becomes a three-day-old chia pet. Wants to know if there's any way to speed hair growth without going full caveman. |
t3_2bnb6m | relationships | Me [27F] with my boyfriend [27 M] of 8 years. He frequently gives me unsolicited advice. | I love my boyfriend with all of my heart, we have a really great relationship (besides this issue). However, he often gives me advice when I don't ask for it. He then gets angry with me if I don't follow his advice. Sometimes I make mistakes, and he ends up being right all along...but I don't like feeling like if I don't go with his opinion initially, I'm wrong/naive/selfish. We both work in the same field so he especially gives me advice about my career, but sometimes he also talks to me about my friends, family, money, etc. UGH. It's so frustrating.
How can I approach this conversation with him? | Boyfriend gives me unsolicited advice, mostly about my job, and then gets angry if I don't listen to him. |
t3_3jdh0t | tifu | TIFU by taking pre-workout before getting on the train to go to the gym.. | Delays! And then my Metro card was out of money, so I had to stand in line to load it up.
What happened next is something I am not sure if I am ashamed of or not.
The Fare card machine asked for my zip code to process my credit card, but one of the numbers kept sticking..
If you have never seen the original Incredible Hulk TV series, then you do not understand what I mean when I say I 'raged out.'
Loud, angry noises were made and a punch was thrown. Needless to say, now the number 3 is working quite well. Must have knocked something loose.
Unfortunately, the security guy wasn't exactly a fitness fanatic, so he didn't understand what I was going through.
Finally made it to the gym. | Got cracked out on pre-workout, but delayed on a train and stuck at the train station in an epic battle of man vs. machine. |
t3_y8ajt | loseit | Tomorrow is my first day and I'm scared s***less | I've always been overweight since I was in middle school. I'm 23 years old male, 5'6(1.67m) and weight 225 lbs(102kg), I guess when puberty hit.. it really didn't do much for me.
I know for my height, this is a horrible weight to be at. But quite frankly, I felt pretty good about myself until recently I took a picture of myself with a celebrity and I realize how fat I really was. I became worried for a few days after that and for the first time in my life I decided to do something about it.
I guess now this is where r/loseit comes in. I don't know anything about fitness nor nutrition. I was wondering if you guys can give me any pointers along the way. I also need alternative ways of exercising since I'm currently flat broke at the moment and I can't afford a gym membership and I live at home with my parents. I live in the Los Angeles area, so if anyone from there knows any FREE cool spots to workout, please let me know! Thanks! | Been fat all my life, didn't really care until I took a recent photo of myself with a celebrity, now doing something about it and I need your help. |
t3_36nziv | relationships | I m22 with my f22 broke up after almost years and talks of engagement. | She broke up with me because we have been distant recently and she has been unhappy. But right before she did it she begged me to propose to her and I told her I would but we got into huge argument about it because its all she brings up. I told her to please be patient because all I want to do is marry her but I wanted to make sure we were secure first. She didn't understand it and I avoided her. But the next day I called her to assure her that I am going to do it and I'm going to do it soon. She seemed happy about it.
We had a vacation planned last week and she canceled it on me because she needs space. She said she was gonna go visit her friends an hour away.
She's not the one to cheat or do anything sketchy in that nature. But she met a guy there as soon as she dumped me she posted on Facebook that they were drunk together.
I just don't understand how someone I thought I knew so well could betray me like that. I just need advice on how to deal with this because I was madly in love with her. | girlfriend broke up with me for being "distant." and all she ever did in our relationship was be clingy towards me. And then she dumps me and moves on. |
t3_1shh9l | college | Need advice: Should I even stay in college? | Background: I'm currently attending a big state school, majoring in civil engineering. 1st semester: did decently, averaged a bit above a 3.0. 2nd semester: Really fucked up here. Must have averaged like a 2.5 or less failing one class that I had to retake this semester. I lost one of my scholarships and another one got downgraded to a lower level with less money. I had to take out more loans this semester. Now to this semester. I definitely did a bit better overall was averaging at least B's in all my classes, and was doing well in my finals, until my last final, calc 3. Completely bombed it. I seriously believe that if I pulled a passing grade it will be because of divine intervention.
So here is where I don't know what to do. I obviously have issues with doing work and time management and being able to motivate myself to do better in school. Even though this semester was definitely better than the last, that calc grade probably killed it. I know I could've done better if I tried. I like engineering and I'm good at it if I apply myself. This is something that since the horrible calc 3 fine I've been considering going to counseling for, and find ways to help myself make an actual change. But this is mostly beside the point because I almost feel like its too late.
Luckily I won't lose my last remaining scholarship since the renewal eligibility is decided at the end of spring semester (whew), but I just don't know if I'm at the point of no return, trying to balance out financial issues. At this point, is it even worth it to stay in school? I feel like I'm only going to become more indebted and I don't wanna fall into bad debt when I'm done with school. What are my options from here? I really want to try to make a change next semester but I'm under a lot of pressure from my parents and I just don't even know if they're gonna let me keep going to school once they find out since a lot of the money is also coming out of their pockets. | Fucked up in school and lost some scholarships and I'm kinda still fucking up, is it worth it to continue school and get in debt? What are my options if drop out? |
t3_u6ijv | relationships | Am I wrong for wanting to leave? | Me 24 her 25
My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years now. She and I have a really solid relationship and all is fairly well.
My issue is that in the time we've been together, she hasn't had a steady job. When we first got together, she had a job and lost it and immediately moved in with me.
I'm a pretty complacent guy, so I didn't care. Here we are now, she hasn't been able to find work, and she says that she's trying.
We live in a pretty small city and work in her field is hard to come by here.
I just don't know if I can continue to support her and myself without growing to resent her. | Dating a girl for almost 3 years, I pay for everything because she doesn't have a job and is too stubborn to take something easy.Am I a dick for wanting to leave? |
t3_floun | AskReddit | Reddit- I'm moving out and leaving 2 roommates behind. I need your help avoiding bad blood. | Hey Reddit-
So here's the situation: around 3 months ago, I started living with my boyfriend for a variety of reasons: closer to school, nicer place, problems with one of the roommates, the landlord not repairing anything including our fridge and last-but-not-least loving each other. I've finally decided to make it official and move in with him. HOWEVER, me and my roomies are locked into a lease until at least April (which is when my roomies may want out), maybe the end of July. Rent isn't the issue; I'm still going to pay my share and I'd rather live somewhere I'm happy.
So here's my question: how do I manage this without my roommates hating me forever? Not only do I not want to lose 2 *very* good friends over this, but one of them is in my class and will work closely with me until 2013. I refuse to continue paying utilities and internet after I move out, since I won't be home to use it or turn anything on. Is there some sort of etiquette I should follow? Does anyone know anything about 1 of 3 roommates getting out of a lease due to landlord incompetence? | Moving out before lease is up, leaving behind 2 roomies, will still pay rent but refuse to pay utilities. HELP ME MANAGE THIS MINEFIELD. |
t3_2014d3 | relationships | My [28 M] mom has not been doing well and I am getting pressured to get married | My mom recently got diagnosed with kidney disease. I am caught in a situation where I am finding it difficult to say no, as I am worried what I might say might cause her condition to worsen. She has very specific requirements for the type of girl I should marry and that I should get married in one year. If it helps, I am from India and have been living in US for past 6 years. Anyone have any suggestions on how to convince her. I have my own dreams, I have dated women and it has been fun, but I am not ready to get married especially with the requirements. | Frustrated as I am unable to find the right words to say to my mom that I am not ready to get married |
t3_evy40 | AskReddit | How do I get back at my GF's obsessive no-lifer ex for outing our cheating? | So over the Christmas period I hooked up with a girl who had a boyfriend. I know it's a pretty shitty thing to do to the other guy but she's great and we're now getting together (and she's leaving the other guy).
The problems started when her ex-boyfriend (different to her current) who is a bit of a psychopath used her login credentials for Facebook to screen-print some incriminating messages.
To top it off, he then registered a dummy account in my name, posted up the screenshots and proceeded to make everyone's life much more difficult than it needed to be.
I did some basic digging around and I came up with:
* Some email addresses
* A mobile number
* He's unemployed
* Doesn't have his own place
* Doesn't have a working car
* A good number of publicly visible social networking sites
* A wealth of personal information as a result
Normally I wouldn't act on any of this since I'm above the petty bullshit but this guy is obviously a loner who's obsessed with his ex. I get the feeling just ignoring him isn't going to make him go away, but showing him I'm pretty serious about stopping it might. | Started seeing a girl who wasn't single, shit-stirring ex outed us in the biggest dick-move possible. I have plenty of personal details, just need good revenge avenues that won't get me prosecuted. |
t3_2gxlfl | relationships | Me [27 M]. Separated two years and all but divorced. Is it time to start again? How? | Like it says in the title, wife and I split up a couple of years ago. My life since then has been nothing but better... My physical and mental health have both steadily improved, I'm more active and engaged in almost every way... and yet, I'm still held back by the whole social aspect of things, and starting to feel it pretty acutely.
We had no kids and no real financial entanglements, so the actual paperwork part of the divorce has been on the back burner, much as I've wanted to deal with it... It just hasn't been the most pressing issue. She seems to have found no difficulty in moving on (frankly, she'd found another relationship for herself before we even separated) and yet I'm held up in that regard. I haven't really entertained the idea of dating, even casually, while still technically married.
I'm starting to get "the lonelies" pretty hard. What do you do? Is it okay to date again? How would one open that door with a new person while the past is left dangling, as it were? Oi... | Separated, but not divorced. Feeling lonely and not sure how or where to begin again, if I even should... |
t3_2venos | tifu | TIFU: Golden Shower over the bridge | This was in new years eve
Heads note, sorry for my englando.
My friends and i went out for a couple of drinks. "Couple" is the keyword i never trained myself to follow, so .. a couple turned out to be a lot.
We joined the masses over the streets as the countdown was reaching to 0 and decided to go check out a new bar that opened up.
When we got there i was drunk like fuck, when i say i was drunk, "Hey babe, let me kiss your forehead and tell you are beautiful" to any girl in the range of 50 meters of me is the kind of drunk i was.
Anyways, we entered the bar and my friend asked if i would drink a shot with him of pure absint, ofc i said "Hell yeh!".
And thats when i started feeling that i made a huge mistake. The world started spinning and i had a urge to take a leak. I exited the bar and turned myself to what i tought it was a fence, problem is, it was a bridge (The bar is situated on top of a bridge where hundreds of people pass beneath it). I started making my golden shower to everyone passing by, and sundently i pass out to the left.
The next thing i remember was waking up to the sound of an ambulance. I didn't want to go to the hospital so i said to myself, "Hey Flarash, you are better then this!". My dear friends, i wasn't. I stand up, take a cigarette and start smoking while singing "Hakuna Matata" to the paramedics while having my sausage out for the whole street to see. | Got Drunk, Pissed over a bunch of people under a bridge and danced while singing "Hakuna Matata" with my donger out to the wind. |
t3_2ow5tu | relationships | Me [20F] with my boyfriend [22M] am I over reacting? | My boyfriend and I have been dating almost a year, and have gotten along pretty well until now. We have a LDR during to me being in college and he's working in a different college town.
Anyway the problems all started last night. We were texting and I casually asked him what he was doing that night since I knew he wasn't working. He told me he was going bowling with a girl he knew from high school named Sarah. I normally don't have any problem with him hanging out with other girls, I'm use to it since he lives with two girls anyway. He told me that they were going to go drink and bowl at the local bowling alley (where he works). This just seemed too much like a date. I have no problems with them hanging out, but the bowling plus the alcohol it just seemed a bit sketchy to me.
Anyway I told him I didn't really like that idea, and I said that a group thing might be better. He promised that it wouldn't happen again and I went to bed. I woke the next morning and we talked for a little bit, turns out he went and did it anyway despite me being uncomfortable with it. I'm really annoyed with this because if he'd ever told me he wasn't uncomfortable with something I would respect his wishes and I wouldn't do it. I even asked him how he would feel about me going out with a guy he didn't know in the same situation he's in. He agreed that he wouldn't like it at all. Am I overreacting or should I be concerned?
For the record I don't know Sarah at all. He introduced us once at a wedding but I never got the chance to really get to know her, which is ridiculous since she just lived a few doors down from him at the time. I just don't get a good vibe from her since he barely spoke to her when I was around even though they hung out all the time. And one time they were hanging out and he told me through text "I'm hanging out with Sarah and her friends, I'll talk to you later." | Boyfriend hung out with a girl he know's from high school in a popular date setting even though I told him I wasn't on board with it. Am I overreacting? |
t3_2cvxxd | relationship_advice | I [23/m] am in a proper happy relationship but something about my girl[21/f] bothers me..please help. | I have been with this girl for an year now, being sex-buddies for the first 8 months, and then we started dating. We used to live in different cities then, and used to have sex about once or twice in a month, trying out new stuff. Now we've been in the same town and since I have roommates, we seldom get time to have sex, but there are ample chances to make out. When we're making out, I usually eat her out first, and then she blows me..Problem is, when she is blowing me, she really isn't into it, and wants to get over with it as soon as possible, and doesn't want to try new stuff as well, unlike earlier. Most of the time, she doesn't even reach for my thing when I am fingering her or exploring her body, so I sometimes take her hand and guide her there, which feels sad..Today, after I was done eating her out, I could see on her face that she didn't wanna have sex, or blow me..and I told her she didn't have to do it, if she didn't want to, expecting she would tell me I was being silly, and take on me, but nothing happened, and I tried my best to not show how hurt I felt..Now, I am a person who likes a lot of tease, and passion, and I make sure I give my best to my partner when we are doing sexual things. She is also not as turned on as I am, MOST of the time, and I am the one who starts the make-out 90 percent of the time, which makes me feel a little weird about my sexuality and also, perverted sometimes. What do I do to make her want me more? | My girlfriend is not as sexual a person as me, and this bothers me, and I really like her, and don't want things to end.How do I make it better? |
t3_13ltuk | relationship_advice | I [m/19] have no idea what the hell is going on anymore with her [f/23]. I need advice because wtf. | I'm gonna sum it up as much as I can, because it got really strange really fast. This week we're taking a break, because she wanted to decide if she really wants to be with me or not. She basically got cold feet (major cold feet) because the time for her to move in with me was coming closer.
Anyway, we talked and talked, and to sum it up this is her reasoning: "I feel like I need to explore more. I feel like I need to be with other men to decide if this is really it". And then just recently, it turned into "I feel like I need to kiss a guy, any guy, to verify if you're actually something special and that I'm just being stupid".
I mean what the hell. Let me clarify that she was happy until she started feeling scared about the whole thing. She seriously started overthinking a lot of things and it turned into this. I can almost guarantee you she's not cheating on me. Just almost. She said she doesn't even have any guy(s) in mind. She just wants to kiss a guy, see if the kiss feels like ours, and if it does, she won't stay, and if it doesn't, it verifies that she does in fact love me (or something. I don't even know.)
What on earth am I supposed to do in this situation, seriously. Am I supposed to let her kiss some random guy I mean wtf. This is confusing the hell out of me. And yes, you are right in assuming that I'm pathetic. But I do love this girl. It's just that when this happened, it's been crazy. Borderline insane. Help, seriously.
P.S.: Long distance relationship. That's why moving is /that/ big of a deal.
P.P.S.: I promise it has nothing to do with our ages. Don't mention it. | GF got cold feet about moving, and is saying she needs to kiss any guy to verify that her and I have a spark and ease her fears. |
t3_18dlr4 | tifu | TIFU by leaving my girlfriend alone with my laptop | We've been together for a little more than 7 months and yesterday she was alone, all day at my house while I was at work. She was using my laptop for Facebook, email, etc. No big deal, until she starts deleting the history "icons" from Chrome's home page. She continues to do so until she sees this flaming dick with rainbows shooting out. Her curiosity got the best of her and so she opened /r/spacedicks for the first time ever. She slammed the lid shut so hard it cracked the LCD. The best part was once I got home. She proceeded to ask me if I was secretly gay or bi-sexual and that she found my history of "rainbow dicks" and "bizarre fetishes". After laughing hysterically, I had to explain /r/spacedicks. I took her straight to /r/awww for some eye-bleach and now all is good in the world again. | Girlfriend found /r/spacedicks, asked me if I was gay, showed her /r/awww, now it's ok. :D |
t3_1zn0u4 | relationships | Cancelled first date? Should I (23/F) give him (27/M) the benefit of the doubt? Or cut my losses... | Hey guys!
so. I've been talking to this guy for a couple weeks through texting and a little bit on OKcupid. We knew each other from University, although he graduated when I was a freshman. We stayed in loose contact, but he went away to grad school and I got into a relationship. The timing just never really worked out. He would mostly start contact again when I freshly became single throughout the years.
Fast forward to now. We've talked a few times about getting together, but nothing has panned out. Finally, we found dates that matched and we agreed to meet yesterday night.
Around 5 hours before we were supposed to meet, I got a text from him saying that he'd have to bail. He JUST got a new job and it's apparently pretty stressful. He said that he was a stressed wreck and said "reschedule soon when things settle?"
I told him that's fine, and I hope everything goes well! He then responded that he's not always this "boring"... He also called me boo...
My question to you, dear redditors, is this. Does this sound like a legit excuse to cancel, or does it just sound like he's not that interested? I know he's a pretty introverted guy, but I don't know how he handles stress. And now who's responsibility is it to reschedule? Spring Break is next week and I'm worried that things will fizzle while I'm on vacation. Should I try again with this guy, or cut my losses and run? I've always had a small crush on him! | Introverted guy cancels a first date because of a super stressful new job. Should I give him the benefit of the doubt, or cut my losses? And now who's job is it to reschedule? |
t3_15d0yx | Advice | Really bad cold, or infection? | A couple of days ago I got a cold. Today, I've started to notice an occasional odd, semi-metallic smell in my nostrils, and a little in my back throat, particularly when I take a deep breath in through my nose. There have been as couple other odd things, like short bursts of light pain in my ears or sinuses, occasional bouts of dizzyness, pressure in my face/sinuses if I lean forward or look down.
I'm house-sitting right now, and they have a cat. I do have light allergies to cats, which seem exacerbated by the cold.
Anything I've checked online say it's likely a sinus infection, and I know I should get that confirmed with a doctor, but it's currently midnight and with tomorrow being Christmas eve, I'm not sure what to do right now.
I have a small heart problem caused from endocarditis from staph aureus. This was a few years ago, but due to the nature, I'm at higher risk to get the same infection again if I get an infection elsewhere, such as from a cut, or an ear infection or a sinus infection. If I knew I had a fever, I would go straight to the hospital, but the problem there is that I don't show fevers for small things/small infections, so by the time I show a fever, it would be considering a medium-high fever.
I have been taking cold medicine, and have had some neocitran. | Have a weird metallic smell in my nose from a cold, wondering if it could be more than a cold. I can't risk getting highly sick or anything. Do I have to be worried about this or is this occasionally normal? |
t3_1g4p7y | dating_advice | I [M,20] want to ask out a friend of mine [F,20] who will be coming back to town after a year away. | Little bit of backstory: Her and I used to work together for about a year before she got a great opportunity to go away for a year overseas but she's coming back soon. While she was here we were good friends, had good chats at work, constantly texting each other and would occasionally hang out after work/at a few parties.
I had feelings for her in the few months before she left but I figured it wouldn't be a good move to start something before she leaves for a year and also we were still working together at the time. I think she had an idea that I was interested when I jokingly told her that I'm really annoyed she's leaving because she's the girl I wanted to take as my date to the university ball and she wouldn't be here for it. Now she's coming back in a couple of months and I'm trying to work out the best way to tell her how I feel.
We don't have proper conversations that much but we've Skyped a few times and we chat via Facebook for 10-15 min here and there. The time difference makes it pretty hard. We do exchange Snapchats pretty regularly though.
I'm now torn between just telling her how I feel heart-on-sleeve style (which is usually pretty unsuccessful for me) by telling her that I've been crushing on her since a few months before she left
**OR**
just building up to it and faking it as a 'new' thing that I've felt since she's gotten back.
The only reason I can think of for not just easing into it was because I know she hooked up with a guy before she left but I don't know if that was just a once off going away thing or maybe something more that she might restart when she gets back.
I just don't want a 'you snooze you lose' situation to occur because I've already been snoozing on this one for some time and I feel like now is the time for action.
Please and thank you! | M,20 wants to ask out F,20 who is coming back home after a year, doesn't know best way to approach. |
t3_3sq68g | relationships | My best guy friend finally made a move on me, I reciprocated, but now he won't speak to me ? ? | A 22M that I (19/F) have been friends with for a while in college, finally made a move on me! We were completely sober and after making out for a while, he asked me to stay the night. I explained that I couldn't and had to meet curfew with the parents (hey, they let me live rent free!).
We work together and he hasn't spoken to me since, other than a quick return call to say "last night was just a mistake." He now goes out of his way to avoid me. This sucks!!
Back story: I moved here for college in the summer last year and we met immediately and clicked. He has shown me around, introduced me to people, helped me land a job and even spent last Christmas together. We are around each other constantly.
He's totally hot, we click, and he's a great person but has strict values regarding Christianity, drinking/smoking, etc. I'm more relaxed but follow his lead. I have been dying to get together for a while now but never made a move myself bc I feel that if he wanted to date, he would.
Basically, I was on cloud nine that this was FINALLY happening and now feel totally confused as to what happened?? Need help wrapping my head around this and getting closure. I'm so heartbroken! I Lost my best friend on top of it all. What gives?!
What should I do?! | My best friend finally made a move, I reciprocated but couldn't stay the night....now he won't speak to me. What gives?! |
t3_famg4 | self | Just spoke to Vodafone CSR in Egypt. He said... | I called Vodafone today because our phone was blocked even though we had paid the bill. It turned out that it was because the second bill was due, which was $70 dollars, The CSR guy insisted on double checking the payments though, and while he was checking we made small talk.
It turned out that he is in Egypt.
I was very surprised and excited about this, yet still cautious as I was unsure about what was appropriate to say.
trying to be neutral, I asked him how everything was for them at the moment (dumb question much??)
He replied excitedly, saying something along the lines of "it's crazy over here…. it's … fuuuu-..c….. yeah. well lots is happening…" (obviously realizing he just swore to a customer and was trying to cover it up) we continued talking about it neutrally before I finally asked if he was in support of the whole thing. He told me that he was finishing work in a few hours and is going out this evening to join the protesting. He then proceeded to tell me that the call was being recorded in a manner which suggested he shouldn't be talking about it.
I apologized to him for "possibly getting him into any trouble"
he said not to worry and we continued talking about the situation. He confirmed that the internet is down over there as well as many mobile services.
I offered him all of my support and my very best luck for his cause and his safety in the protesting tonight.
He then told me that although we did in fact have to pay the $70 to get the phone unblocked, he had fixed this for us by giving us a $70 credit, bringing the bill back to $0 and therefore unblocking the phone. I objected, saying he would be in trouble for doing so, but he insisted, he said he was already in trouble and it didn't matter anyway. He told me to think of it as a thank you for our support. I then thanked him very very much, and again offered my support before we hung up from each other.
AMAZING VODAFONE CSR!!! BEST OF LUCK EGYPT | An Egyptian call centre guy gave us a $70 credit on our phone bill as a thank you for our support for the egyptian people. |
t3_2z2g5x | relationship_advice | 21/m asked to attend 21/f girlfriends grandfathers funeral. Should I go? | OK obligatory stuff first I am a 21 male she is a 21 female and we have been dating of over 2 years. Her parents are divorced.
Alright, so both my girlfriends grandfathers are dying and might die around the same time. I dont really want to go to one of them because her father absolutely HATES me and I don't really feel it is my place to go to his dad's (her grandpa) funeral since I really only met her grandfather twice and I feel its going to cause serious issues if I do go. With that I don't know any one on her fathers side of the family and they all generally treat me during the few gatherings on that side I have been to with a general sense of apathy and restrained hostility.
On the other side of things I am OK with attending her grandfathers funeral on the mothers side, mainly because the dad will not be there. My girlfriends sister does hate me (but she doesn't show it too often) I feel since I went to their grandmothers funeral on that side of the family a year ago and it didn't go badly as I am very familiar with the mothers side of the family so it feels appropriate for me to attend. Also they all generally like me on that side.
Final note: I live currently 3 hours away at a University, but I will be returning home the last full week of the month on spring break so this really wont matter unless the funerals happen during that week I have off. I have already expressed to my girlfriend about my reasons for not wanting to attend the one funeral and she is absolutely pissed at me, which is why I came on here to get random strangers opinions about if I am being an asshole. | Girlfriends dad hates me, don't want to go to his dads (her grandpa's funeral because of it) |
t3_2wbqdl | relationships | Balancing criticism with patience, or why do I [M/30] get so frustrated with my SO [F/22]? | My SO [F/22] has a tendency to voice her feelings / emotions / thoughts / etc... frequency and immediately. These can range anywhere from serious things that deserve immediate attention, to basic no-fault situations that conjured up a negative emotion.
I am fully aware that often an SO just wants someone to listen without necessarily wanting anything to be fixed. This is easy to apply when listening to how someone's day went, or the latest annoying co-worker habit, but less so when it is directly related to my actions, words, or lack thereof.
This happens frequently enough that it is becoming increasingly difficult to listen to concerns without becoming frustrated, which in turn just makes things worse. We've talked about this issue, that is, trying to figure out which things are important enough to bring up and which aren't. But it hasn't really gotten any better, and I feel like I'm constantly being beaten down despite the words being veiled as just *expressing one's emotions*, while in contrast she of course she feels like I don't hear her or fix anything. It's to the point that we both feel like there is something we are constantly trying to fix or work on.
Anyway, both of us know something is wrong, and we don't know what normal levels are. Can you provide some insight? | What are normal levels of expressing emotions that are directly related to an SOs behavior [or lack thereof] and the tendency for the other to feel frustrated by being told about negative emotion/behavhior too often? |
t3_2ole1w | relationships | My (18m) SO (18f) messaged her ex boyfriend to 'see how he was and to see what he was up to'. | Background: me and my SO have been dating for a little over 3 years now, the relationship has been great other than some of her anxiety/self-diagnosed depression. Me and her started dating very shortly after she broke up with her ex, and before her ex she had been with upwards of 8 people..but that's early high school/end of middle school stuff, doesn't mean much to me just thought I'd add.
So, I am away at a university 3 hours from her. Her ex, whom she messaged, is going to the same school she goes to but they don't see each other. She messaged him out of nowhere asking him how we was and what he was up to. She had always always always claimed to hate him but just recently has told me she does not hate him and has no negative feelings towards him.
She told me this two two days after it happened and I was obviously upset. She initially argued that there was nothing wrong with it and it was an innocent conversation but still, the whole thing sounded sketchy and inconsiderate to me. But, she now claims she did it because she was trying to make me jealous (why, I do not know). I have always been a very loving and supportive boyfriend and she has always said I make her happy and do everything perfectly for her. There have also been multiple times in the past when she didn't not feel 'good enough' for me and almost ended things.
Now, she didn't see anything wrong with it at first, but since I got so upset by it and things got rocky in our relationship she feels really bad about it now and has been crying recently over where we now are in our relationship. | So, my question is, am i right be bothered by this conversation she had with her ex? Should I suspect anything more to be going on? Or am I overthinking and overreacting? Thanks! |
t3_4ul536 | relationships | My [20M] SIL [18F] doesn't properly nurture her toddler son, and no one confronts her. | My SIL recently had a son with a loser guy who does not live with us anymore. My Fiancée [21F] and I can't convince her to feed her toddler son nutritious food. Whenever she uses her EBT card, she buys unhealthy snacks as her son's [15 month old] primary diet.
When she does feed him "nutritious" food, it's mashed potato's, corn and applesauce. The rest of his diet consists of Oreo's, Pringles, Nutter Butter's and Chocolate milk.
Seriously, this is his diet. She, my SIL, weighs close to 300 lbs, and I am sure she buys this stuff because that is what her palette is accustomed to. I don't think she is being malicious, I just think she is oblivious to nutrition.
She won't take anyone's advice, and gets very defensive if anyone mentions how unhealthy her son's diet is. What can we do to help out my nephew? | My nephew's diet is super unhealthy, and his mom won't change it/gets defensive if anyone criticizes her parenting. |
t3_2b1353 | relationships | I [17/M] got broken up with my long term (4 years) girlfriend [18/F] but don't feel like anybody is going to respond to this unless it's something abnormal. | No, I don't have any crazy story that I somehow was related to me ex, or it turned out that she had a third nipple or whatever that complicated our relationship or something. I'm just a really heartbroken guy right now.
I was with my ex for the past 4 years on and off (longest period was the last two) and she just broke it off Wednesday during what I thought was going to be a "communicate our problems and we'll make it better" chat.
She's been involved with everything in my life. I've been in band with her, which basically one huge chunk of my high school life (I'm graduated, for clarification). Heck, we even went to New York together for spring break.
We've sucked this summer with talking and hanging out. Less than 1 time a week we'd hang out, and less than 2 times a week we'd text, message, call, etc. I invited her over my house Wednesday to talk it through to fix our relationship. It's important to because she's leaving for a different college in the fall which would make the relationship long distance. However, that talk turned into her breaking up with me.
Reddit, I've never felt so unwanted in my entire life. I don't get how she can go from telling me I was her everything to this. I've lost faith in exactly how commited a person can be to somebody else. | I got broken up with by a girl who meant everything to me. And I just want to curl up and cry. |
t3_2598ol | relationships | Me [19 M] with my GF [19 F] of 1.5 years, broke up 7 months ago, can't get over it | My girlfriend and I of 1.5 years, started dating at the end of grade 12, and broke up 7 months ago, one month into university. I loved this girl more than absolutely everything, and was devastated when we broke up. She started dating somebody one month after we broke up, the guy was someone she previously knew and she knew he was into her.
I've been with other girls since, I dated somebody for a brief period of time, but have since broken up. I am still as in love with my ex as I was when we were together, and I feel pretty stupid for it. I don't like feeling this way, I know its not 'healthy' but I can't seem to do anything about it. What should I do? | I've dated other girls since, shes dating somebody right now, but i can't get over her and don't know why. |
t3_2cm543 | Dogtraining | Weimaraner puppy pestering older shih tzu-poodle. | It may seem like a newbie question but i recently got a very shy 14 week Weimaraner puppy. As expected, he has got quite the energy and loves to play with people. Although he is shy with other dogs (frightened, really) he has grown accustomed to my submissive 7 year old shit-poo. as you an imagine, he is quite a bit bigger and stronger than the poor little thing and even though it seems he means well, she does not like playing with him. Though he is not biting, he does have a mean right hook. if he goes too excited nipping may occur.
I felt as the problem would get resolved on its own. Either she would snap at him or start to play. But she just runs and cowers instead. Thinking shes playing, he will continue the act, and I feel bad.
So the question is, what should I do? Do I let them continue in hopes she deals with the situation? or should I intervene and give a firm "no"? Any other suggestions? | Larger submissive puppy playing roughly with a smaller submissive dog. Smaller dog does not deal with the situation; should i intervene? |
t3_1od8sn | college | Just how bad is paying back student loans? | I'm a freshman at UW-Madison right now. Residence in Connecticut, which means I have to pay out-of-state tuition. For the spring semester, I'm going to have to take out a loan to be able to pay that tuition. I already have a $5500 loan from the government. I've been really freaking out about this over the past couple of weeks. I know we've all heard what a bitch student loans are, especially after you graduate. I don't want to live in debt for decades, and I don't want loan payments to hinder me. I've been seriously considering transferring to UCONN so that I can get in-state discount tuition, even though I love it here at Madison. Basically, I'd just like to know exactly what having loans and paying them back is like. | Thinking about transferring to UCONN so I can get in-state tuition because I'm freaking out about loans. How bad are they, actually? |
t3_24e6ks | relationships | Me [28F] with my [27 M] great friend is an awful roommate. Advice? | So, I have a few roommates and we were really good friends with this guy, we'll name Cal. Cal hung out with us a lot, and we always had an amazing time together. We would play video games, board games, go out to eat...it was always great. My roommates and I thought it would be awesome if Cal moved in, so there would be endless video game and junk food eating fun!!! Right???
Wrong. Cal is a horrible roommate. We are all surprised by this because he has a good job and was always around to help, so I thought he was responsible. THOUGHT. Cal doesn't really pay attention to anything. He leaves his things everywhere. Dishes are in the sink for days. He leaves his laundry in the washer or dryer for days as well, until someone has to move it. He never cleans anything. He blasts music and sings loudly in the shower at 1am. No consideration for anyone.
And as for all the fun we were looking forward to? Non-existant. He only hangs out with his girlfriend and that is it. He never asks us to hang out, and only texts something when he needs us. Its heartbreaking, to be honest. It's only been 3 months and I am at my wits end. I am so unhappy, I want to break the lease-there's no way we can make it another 8 months. And the worst part is, I feel like I lost a friend, and I don't know if this friendship is salvageable. Cal was one of my best friends and now I can't even look at him because he angers me. What do I do?
(We have already had a house meeting and nothing changed) | Super, fun, awesome friend moves in and isn't so super anymore. I'm losing my mind, and possibly, a friend. |
t3_1agr0a | relationships | Is it normal to have fleeting moments of nostalgia for single life in first serious relationship? | My SO [22M] and I [19F] have been together for about 7 months now, and though I have seen a couple of other guys in the past, this is my first 'serious' relationship. I was just wondering if it was normal to every now and again, though very rarely, feel slightly nostalgic for single life?
I love my SO with everything I have - he means the world to me - and I would in no way EVER want to trade being with him for the single life, but I guess after 18 years of single life I'm taking a little time to adjust. I don't miss anything like wanting going out drinking and hooking up with randoms or anything, it's just little stuff, such as having heaps of time to myself (I'm a huge introvert/homebody) or not having to consult/think of anybody else's feelings when changing things about myself ("Will I be less attractive to him if I...?").
So yes. In no way do I want to be single again - I want to spend the rest of my life with this man - but just sometimes miss some aspects of how life was for me beforehand. Am I alone in this or does everybody get this once in a while? | I love my SO dearly, but am used to being single and every now and again I miss some aspects of single life. Is this normal? |
t3_4crzta | relationships | I(19F) think my relationship with my FWB(20M) is getting innapropriate | I met my FWB just over two years ago but didn't really interact until we started sleeping together six months later. It was only physical at the beginning because it's obvious that we're very different people and things between us weren't very natural except for in the bedroom.
By now things have changed a lot, it took a while but I think through familiarity we've become much closer, I love him and think of him as my closest friend. We do a lot of stuff together, we hang out as much as we can, share hobbies and travel.
Probably the biggest thing for me is how he treats me in bed, due to some past experiences sometimes I'd have panic attacks but that's never ever happened with him. He's so sweet and attentive, if something's off he notices it immediately, he'll stop, hold me and distract me until I'm happy and laughing. He makes me feel so safe and I'm happy to be vulnerable with him so we're been able to communicate really well and the whole experience is just unbelievable. Weird happy tears have been shed.
Onto the problem. I feel like I'm ready to start dating again and find someone who I can have a deeper connection with. I know that's probably a while away but the thought of losing my FWB is terrifying me. I don't think it'd be very respectful to stay in contact with someone I feel so close to and had a sexual relationship with while dating someone else but I just can't justifying giving up such a special person for someone I'll probably only have known for a matter of months. He doesn't understand why we'd stop talking though so the idea hurt him and he doesn't feel the same apprehension to dating. I can't stop thinking about this and I feel like there's no other option but I'm not doing anything about it, I feel like I'm just going to ignore any other guys for as long as possible and get stuck here. | Me and my FWB are very close friends and I want to start dating but I know that'll mean the end of our friendship and the thought of that is breaking me. |
t3_2dad1u | relationships | Me [30F] with my husband [30M] 5 years, my marriage has lost its spark and I'm infatuated with a coworker | I never felt like my husband was "the one." I convinced myself that that was just a fairy tale idea and that "the one" doesn't exist. We are/were very compatible and had a great dating life.
After we got married I think we both started to take each other for granted a little bit. Our sex life got boring and dwindled, he got upset with me for not wanting sex more often, and I got annoyed with all the little things like leaving my car with no gas in it or not putting the t.p. back on the roll. For a few years now, things have been fine. Not great, not bad, fine.
About a year ago, someone new started at my work. From Day 1, I felt swoony around him. I would blush and stumble over my words and act like an idiot. He isn't unusually good-looking or anything...I just felt an instant crush on him.
As more time passed and we worked on a few projects together, these feelings intensified. We aren't that close and nothing inappropriate has ever happened. But I can't stop thinking about him. The feeling I get when I'm around him, or even if I just get a work email from him, is like nothing I've ever felt before.
He is a perfect gentlemen and has never flirted with me or approached me. He is single and did mention once that every woman he knows who he'd be interested in is already married...that's the closest he has ever come to even possibly expressing interest in me.
I would never cheat on my husband, and I know the feelings I have for this other person are inappropriate. But I'm starting to think, maybe it would be better for us to separate, and find out of that "fairy tale" kind of love is a real thing. If I'm wrong, it would be the biggest mistake of my life. But I'm starting to think that I was wrong when I married my husband, and gave up on the idea of a bigger love.
What should I do? | Afraid I settled for my husband, and am totally infatuated with a coworker. Do I stay settled, or take a risk by separating from my husband and pursuing this other man? |
t3_4upwki | relationships | I (16m) have met a wonderful beautiful girl(15f) who has some issues and I'm curious to hear what you guys think about this situation. | The background of this story is important so I'll start with that. I met this girl about 2-3 months ago at church. Her grandma is one of the people who I am very close to at church and introduced me to her. Her grandma is such a wonderful person and I'm often at her house. So, she introduces me to this girl (her granddaughter) and we almost immediately have a "thing." Now, this last weekend was a huge thing with us. A lot of people called us out for flirting with each other. And on Saturday we stayed up at her grandmas house in her kitchen and we ended up kissing. Now, here's the problem. Before all this, we were texting. A couple days after we started texting, I found out that she was sexting like 7 guys. (We didn't really realize we were going to get into each other at this point but it's still important.) So I'm kind of in the middle with things. I know it's just a high school relationship sort of thing, but I really don't know what to do. Can I trust that she'll be loyal? What does everyone think?
( | ) a lady I'm close with at church introduced me to her granddaughter and we sorta hooked up. But she's been with a lot of guys and girls sexually. |
t3_1jmr42 | AskReddit | Hey Reddit, what personal low have you hit lately? | Throwaway, and I would like to bring some attention to the fact that English is not my native tounge, so there is bound to be some spelling issues, but I'll try my best! Also, I'm a 27 year old male from Norway.
Today at the grocery store I felt the shame of being poor. Now before you go all "being poor isn't shameful", I'm talking about the internalization of society's view on poor people-feeling.
So things are tight at the moment. Not too unfamiliar with this as a student with a part time job, but the last couple of weeks have been extra rough. For the first time in a loong time I had to ransack my apartment for money for food. I manage to scrape together 101 NOK (roughly $17) and head for the store. Now anyone that has had to calculate as they shop to get as much out of the money as possible, and not exceed the limit, knows what I'm talking about. Feeling pretty good about my items so I head for the checkout. The register dude beeps all the stuff and the total is 111 NOK.
The feeling of everyone in the line behind me looking at me as I tell him I cant afford all the items and if he could take out the sausage and ring it up again. Feeling like shit, blushing, i packed up the stuff i could afford and walked home. So tonight its mashed potatoes with tomato sauce, no sausage, but atleast my belly's full.
I know this is nothing compared to the struggles of alot of people, but I wanted to share anyways. Feels good to just share it, thanks for reading:) | Low on cash and had to take out some items at the registry in front of a long line, made me feel like shit. |
t3_1htqqc | personalfinance | PSA: Make a budget and use it before coming to r/personalfinance for help with your finances. | Lately I have noticed several posts like [this] asking for help with getting out of debt. Chances are, if you don't have a itemized breakdown of where your money goes each month, the response you will get is to make a budget first. Websites like [Mint.com] and [You Need A Budget] make it incredibly easy to track your money. It is impossible for someone to make suggestions when they don't what your budget looks like. | Before posting to personalfinance for help, know where your money is going. We can't help you if you don't know where your money is going. |
t3_49vbo2 | relationships | Me [27/F] with [27/f&m] feeling responsible for drunk friends | I enjoy going out with my friends every now and then for drinks. I have two friends that seem like they cannot stop drinking when it is a good time to. They end up getting blackout drunk and I end up helping them make their way home. It isn't fun when they are that drunk.
I end up feeling embarrassed to be seen with them because they can't function. I try talking to my friends but they are so gone that can't respond and it is like talking to a wall. Sometimes they run off and I feel nervous something bad will happen to them. I feel responsible when they are drunk because we are out drinking together.
I don't like feeling responsible because it is not fun to be around. It is more of a job, but I still want my friends. How can I let them know what they're doing is not good? Do you think I should just leave them and let them learn lessons on their own?
I have told one friend her drinking is bad and she is in denial about her situation. She stops then starts and is beginning to have health issues because of it. I avoid going out with her because its been terrible, so now she tells people I no longer like her which makes me sad to hear. I don't understand why she jumped to that conclusion. | My drunk friends depend on me to take care of them too much. It is not fun, but they are friends. What should I do, leave them or tell them? |
t3_tljeh | relationships | Relationships woes! | **Right so, I'm (22 F) in a relationship just under 5 years with my boyfriend (24). We have lived together for 4 years.**
Recently I don't know how I feel about the relationship, don't get me wrong I love him to bits, I really do but I don't know if we are suited. I don't know if this is just a stage I'm going through at the moment, I did go through something like this during our third year, but realised I was being silly.
Recently we tend to be a little grumpy with each other, not very very tactful or sensitive to each others feelings. It's on both ends but obviously I don't know what he's thinking... He says he loves me and wants to be in this relationship and any time we tend to get a little mean, it's blamed on me for being a hormonal woman, which grates on my nerves and doesn't really help the situation.
There's a few other things that bother me in the relationship and I feel I shouldn't be complaining about them seens that I have put up with them for several years now. He doesn't compliment me at all, unless provoked, and then I only get them in a joking way and am told that what I get for fishing for compliments. Also another thing, hasn't bothered me until now but it's starting unfortunately, he tends to stay up til all hours and sleep all day so I spend alot of time by myself, and to top it he gigs around the country on weekends so I don't see him then either.
I guess I just kind of want to start having a more grown up relationship and a relationship where I feel that he is attracted to me and wants to spend time with me, I presume this isn't a weird or strange need, but what did I do? Should I stay, or should I leave and try and find what I want in another person? Will he ever change, well not change I love him as is but there are little things, that I don't think would change him, but more to the point enhance him! | Boyfriend says I'm always reason for fights due to hormones, very annoying, other things are starting to bother me, Will be ever be a grown up couple? Are we just not good together? |
t3_1je5hg | relationship_advice | [18/f] Me and my ex [22/m] broke up but hooked up yesterday. What would you do? | I was going out with this guy for about 7 months. In the begging he treated us as something super serious, once I asked him if we were ever gonna really be together, and he answered he hoped so and told me all his life he was looking for somebody like me. Things used to be near perfect.
But after about 4, 5 months he started acting like we were just casual and that really bothered me. When we were together things were amazing, but when ever we were apart all seemed wrong. I felt like I was the only one trying to make things works.
Last Thursday we broke up, with him saying the old "the problem it's me, not you."
But yesterday he came to my house and we hooked up. I don't really know how to act now, just let it go or try to talk to him... What do you guys think? | I was going out with this guy for about 7 months, we broke up last week but hooked up today. Don't really know how to act now. |
t3_2wv3sv | relationships | My ex (30M) and I (32M) broke up several years ago but remained in friendly terms. His (26M) partner however... | Hello there,
as mentioned in the title, my ex Jeff and I are still in friendly terms after he dumped me several years ago. Our relationship lasted less than a year and it honestly mattered more to him.
We´ve reconciled a long time ago and remained in friendly terms. We have met like twice or thrice in the last years even though we live in the same city, occasionally send each other birthday and Christmas greetings.
I like to remain in good terms with my former partners generally speaking. I find it important to do since burning bridges is never a good idea unless the other person has a toxic influence, which is really not the case. Jeff is a good guy.
His partner Napoleon, however, seems to be hating me. Napoleon is around 1.60 tall and the walking stereotype of the effeminate bitchy drama queen looking for things to complain about all the time. He has contacted me quite a few times on dating apps (they have an open relationship) and always ended up throwing some passive aggressive personal remark at me after a hour of conversation or so. I find these remarks quite hurtful since they hit some kind of open wounds (private life and relationships, job and university career), for no real purpose.
Is Napoleon jealous/having a short man complex/just a case of misunderstood dark humor?
Not sure what I even want to do here. I don´t care much about being in contact with Jeff, but I don´t want him out of my life just because Napoleon does not want us to talk once a year.
What is your opinion? | gay drama- my ex and I are sort of distant friends but his current partners doesn´t seem to like it for... whatever reason |
t3_4pq8an | relationships | My (27 F) boyfriend (27 M) thinks I made an unfair comparison. I think it was spot on. | My boyfriend (Alan) and I have been dating for 9 months now. We both live abroad and are from different countries but we get along well. He's my best friend. We have problems but our communication is pretty great so we can usually talk out our problems. But what happened recently has hurt us both.
I suffer from depression and usually I can crawl my way out of the hole by myself but sometimes I need help. The other day was one of those instances where I needed help. In the beginning of the relationship I told Alan about these but it wasn't until he saw me in the middle of a breakdown that he actually knew what happened. So when I texted him and told him that I was having a bad day he talked me into getting dinner with him to help calm me down. He's really good at calming me down and getting me back to fairly normal place so I begrudgingly went to meet him at a local restaurant. We both work the same times so I left right after work. He was an hour late. Our jobs are right next to each other and the place is a 10 minute walk at best. He said he got caught up talking to some people. I was livid.
When he finally came I was a mess and just wanted to go home, which I did (we don't live together). He asked me what was wrong and I told him that besides his lack of haste to come see me in a time of need, a week before when his team played in the Euro cup, he dropped everything the minute work was done to make sure he got to see the kick off. I was hurt that he couldn't have the same priority for me. He said that was an unfair comparison but I think it's completely fair. We've been on ice with each other ever since.
This is our first communication breakdown and I don't know if maybe I overreacted or how to make him see that I'm hurt that he'll place a football game as more important to get to after work than me. How can I make him see my side or, if I'm wrong, how can I knock this feeling of being second best to a fucking football team? | My boyfriend took an hour to come see me when I needed him, but a week before he left work ASAP to see his footy team kick off in the Euro. I feel second best and he can't understand why. |
t3_1gho1n | relationship_advice | Me(21m) got into a fight with my girlfriend(19f) of a few months and haven't spoken in days. What should I do? | Basically we fought because I noticed she had been being very short with me over text for a few days, I asked her what she did the night before and she gave me some short answer so I made a sarcastic joke about her being so descriptive, so she explained what she did. She thought I was prying when I was merely asking her out of curiosity. A while back she had told me she thought I was showing no interest in her so recently I have been trying a little more and actually showing that I care. Apparently its too much for her now, it seems to me she doesn't know what she wants. The last time we spoke we were supposed to meet up to talk about things but she told me she couldn't cause she was going out so I hung up on her, texted her later that night and told her if she cared about us, shed call me when she got back to work things out. Haven't got a call and its been like 3 days. She's the type to text or call everyday all day lol so not speaking in a few days feels pretty weird, is it possible she's found someone else to fill the void? I'm thinking about breaking it off because its not like her at all. Should I wait it out, call her to make things better or break up with her? | gf and I fought about something stupid and she hasn't called me in a few days after I asked her to call me if she cared, what should I do? |
t3_2nf0a9 | dating_advice | How do I, a slightly overweight, socially awkward 22 year old man, approach a girl? | A little bit about me, I don't think I would exactly call myself an introvert. I love going out to bars, movies, whatever I find fun. I am slightly overweight (I weigh 250, but I've got quite a bit of muscle in addition to just being a big person overall, and I started working out again to get rid of some excess), but I wouldn't call myself fat.
I don't really have any trouble talking to girls once I get the conversation going, but that's just my problem. I used to be a lot fatter than I am, and during my high school years I never went out. And that's not an exaggeration, the only times I went out with anyone other than family members during my high school years was for football practice/games or to work. It wasn't until the senior year after football season ended that I got a job as a server that has really helped open me up by forcing me to learn how to talk to people. That's what really got me to leave my house.
I have had one girlfriend in the past. She was incredibly beautiful and incredibly nice, but we didn't work out and I am ready to put myself back on the market. I initially thought that I could try some of the same moves I used on her, until I realized that I got to talking with her by giving one of her friends that I worked with my phone number to give to her. Even the one girl I got to go out with me I got in the most socially awkward way possible.
Where I'm going with this is, I do not know how to approach a girl and get her to start talking to me. I still think of myself as that extremely fat (315 at one point) guy who never did much during his teens so never developed any social skills. I just assume that any girl will see this right away, laugh, and move on. How does one get over this fear? | I used to be really fat and socially awkward, and even though I have tried to change this, I still can't mentally get past this when approaching a girl. How can I change this? |
t3_3gq3oi | tifu | TIFU by yelling at a kid I don't know as I drove past him and his dad | So this happened yesterday, hope that's okay. I was driving into town with a friend, and as we were, I thought I saw another one of our friends riding a bike with someone I assumed was his boss (why?? Idk...). My friend has some crazy hair, so I didn't think it was anyone else because I just didn't think they had that hair too! So I pulled a little closer to them as we came up from behind, leaned my head out the window, and shouted "HEY YOU, GET OFF THE ROAD!!!". At that moment they turned and looked at me and I realized with great embarrassment and shame that it was just a kid and his dad out for a bike ride, and the dad was looking at me like I'd just tried to verbally molest his child. Mortified, I quickly yelled out "I'M SORRY I THOUGHT YOU WERE SOMEONE ELSE!" before speeding up and driving away as fast as possible. We had to take a couple turns, and ended up pulling up right behind them again a minute later, our response being to sit at a stop sign for 5 minutes while giving them a chance to drive far away from us, hopefully to never see them again. It was super embarrassing, but we got a good laugh out of it, hopefully that kid doesn't fear biking on the road now because of me, he looked terrified when I yelled at him, I felt so bad... | yelled at someone on the street, thinking I knew them, turns out I didn't, end up coming across as a creep to his father |
t3_ge7ls | relationships | Need advice, not sure if I should mistrust my boyfriend/ suspect him of cheating? | My boyfriend and I are in our mid- twenties in college. This is without a doubt the best relationship I have ever had, except, we've been dating a year and a half and around last November I started worrying because I found out he was inappropriately texting another girl (a whore no less, with a reputation for being so). I confronted him about it in fear he would take it further and endanger my sexual health. This seemed to help for awhile, but within the last month I discovered he was talking to his ex in the same way and also has a dating profile online that he still checks and keeps correspondence with. To my knowledge he has not cheated and I have not confronted him again for fear of alienating him. He treats me wonderfully in all other aspects, but I can't help but wonder should I be concerned? Is this typical in some sense for men to just need something new without actually acting on it? | boyfriend flirts in excess with others and has dating profile online. no physical cheating known, is this normal/ should I be worried? |
t3_2t3723 | relationships | Can someone please explain to me how eharmony works? | im [22f], my boyfriend [27m] left his email up on my laptop and I saw he has been getting emails from eharmony. He had a separate tab on his gmail emails for eharmony under "social". This was a shock to me obviously! because to me it looked like his account was still active because they were emails on "new matches" and messages but I couldn't read them.
I brought it up to him and I told him to explain this to me. He claims that his profile is still up, but his account is "canceled" because his subscription is up and he stopped paying for it after he met me which was back in august and apparently hes still getting match emails? and able to send messages??? I need to know if this is true because I have no idea how eharmony works. | Found eharmony emails on his email account, but my boyfriend claims his account is canceled and he stopped paying for it after he met me 8 months ago. Why is he still getting match emails and messages?? |
t3_3cskku | personalfinance | 23(M) Short-Term Career purely for money? | I'm a 23(M) trying to set up my future, I don't have very large aspirations for wealth, I am wanting to spend the next 3-5(Will consider more/less) years working my ass off to set up future investments/savings the problem is I have zero clue what field to pursue. There is no career path that I "want" to pursue my aspirations entail things that do not pay or pay very little, my only requirement for a job is that the majority of people are not assholes. I am happy to shovel shit, I am happy to travel to Antarctica, I am happy to work night/day, I have no real standout qualifications and my job history is just a bunch of retail crap with some laborer work mixed in(Always been called a hard worker with lots of initiative if it matters), but I am willing to learn, I am also happy to invest time into training for a profitable job, it is something I intend to only do for a short time. I am located in Australia but am willing to move anywhere. | Looking for a job to do for 3-5 years purely for money, physically fit, intelligent, eager and willing to do anything. |
t3_dnlz0 | AskReddit | Will a successful, non-partisan third party in America buck the trend of empire death, and in doing so truly show what democracy is? | Let me start this by saying I am not in politics proffesionally or academically. Nor am I American or familiar with the specifics of its politics. Most of what I write here is all opinion based.
As per reddit and wider media I have a feeling of increasing dissapointment and hopelessness in a two party political system in America who are two of the same thanks to large lobbying influence and control by the wealthy minority. Much change is token and doesn't fully resolve issues. This, coupled with a control of Media and information keeps the population misinformed and allows for a wider margin of control.
America has always been the epitome of democratic success from its independence, and many countries have modelled their systems (to various degrees) on it. Despite much of the hideous, hidden tactics used to stay top dog, I believe America owes its dominance and prosperity largely to the security and prosperity given by the ballot and leader accountability.
However, America is not that old, and like empires before it, it is in danger of imploding allowing another to rise in its place. I percieve what is going on as a potential threat to America's prosperity, at home and globally. There are a myriad of factors that need to be considered, and I know I am simplifying this quite a bit but my question is: **Is the formation, election and successful functioning of a third party in American politics the only democratic way out of this situation?** America has always seemingly met and defeated its challenges with the people and by the people.
I see a successful third party with a ground swell of support WITH NO DOMINATING BACKERS a pure and distilled example of a working democracy. Many people are fed up with the current state of things on either side and all along the spectrum between Democrats and Republicans. I know a third party would not be able to please everyone (who can?) but much of the problems where the hands of the government are tied due to special interests will be easily resolved. I see much economic and technological improvement made, but I don't know about social and cultural issues (such as gay rights and homeland security). | Will a successful, impartial third party be the great democratic solution in America that will translate to real action and transparency? Is this even possible? |
t3_2d6y8v | relationships | May have blown it with a new relationship... M(21) | So, after a month and a half-ish of dating (all really wonderfully were on date number eight I think?) with this girl, I was planning on having the exclusive talk with her tonight but she cancelled on me.
We had some weirdness last night when I almost went to a mutual friend's birthday party. (I was invited by a friend of mine). Anyway, she seemed uncomfortable with me going because she has anxiety disorder and it comes out really badly when she's drunk. She told me that, but because it was a mutual friend I said I'd go for that person. In the end, I decided not to go because of that and told her via text. Got no reply and when I asked when she was coming by she said the whole thing made her uncomfortable and she wasn't feeling great anymore.
Did I fuck this thing up by telling her I was going on that decided not too because it made her uncomfortable? | Made a girl uncomfortable by not by trying to go out to a mutual friend's party when she mentioned she'd be a little uncomfortable with me there. Have I blown it? |
t3_1flyjj | relationship_advice | In a relationship with a serious communication problem, which my girlfriend (19/f) is seemingly unwilling to fix. [20/m] | I've been dating this girl for 3½ years now, and she has almost always had a problem with checking her messages, or generally been hard to get into contact with. It has become better over the last year, probably because she uses her phone almost every day now, since she doesn't have her laptop anymore. Recently, she started going to some cosplay walks with a bunch of other people, where she's made a lot of friends. That's fine and all, except that I feel like they're taking up all the space now.
What made me get annoyed recently was that I was supposed to be with her this friday. We hadn't completely agreed on wether to be at her or my place, so I call her. No response. I call again. No respone. I got in contact with her in the evening. Apparently she had school which she thought she didn't have. But of course it was too much to use 30 seconds of her time to write that to me.
She's unable to be with me the next day too, but doesn't tell me why. Turns out she's been at another cosplay walk, without inviting me (I've been with her to one ~2 weeks ago and told her I'd like to go another time too), or even telling me about it. The day after that, she's with a friend that she's with each tuesday anyways. All that time I'm completely unable to contact her, yet for some reason her friend is able to contact her. I've decided to cut her off for some time, yet I'm unsure if it's the right decision.
I just feel genuinly annoyed that this issue keeps popping up even though we've talked about it so damn many times. Is it really too much to ask of her to contact me just a few times a week? | I've told my girlfriend time and time again that I would like her to be a little easier to get in contact with. She hasn't made much change, and recently it feels like there's no place for me in this relationship. |
t3_1gbb3u | BreakUps | Ex thinks I posted dirty pics of her. | I should start by saying that this is the only girl I've ever loved, and we broke up about 6 months back. It has been a 2 year long distance relationship, and as such there were a lot of dirty pictures send both ways.
Before we dated, she went out with abusive, douchey, and scummy guys (about 5 guys who were all awful to her). She is also friends with a few more guys of the same kind. I didn't care about this and only brought it up when she wanted to go bar hopping solo with one of them. She used to give out her passwords to guys before, and has had her email accounts and facebook "hacked" a couple times.
Skip forward to this May (post breakup), when someone uploads nudes of her that she sent me to a town anonymous forum saying "my ex sent me these!". The forum I didn't know about until now has tons of girls posted from our town.
So. She believes I either shared the pics with friends (I never even mentioned them), or uploaded them myself. I am quite paranoid about my computer security, and change passwords every month or so, and always lock my machine. Anyway.
So she's devastated, blames me, and I am completely emotionally wrecked that she is going through this. I suspect who did it (douchey friend of hers that I have a mutual hatred toward), but as far as I can see there's nothing I can do...
Just wanted to share this fun situation that's had me depressed. | Someone posted nudes my ex emailed me. I'm getting blamed while she has a long list of scumbag ex's that have an active hate of her. |
t3_4fkr2p | relationships | I [18M] accidentally said "I might love you" to a girl [18F] | **Background:** Since a little bit after New Years I have been in a ldr with a girl who lives about an hour away from me who we will call "Susan." I really like Susan and I'm pretty sure that Susan really likes me too as she has said as much, but because of the distance and our busy schedules we haven't seen each other in a few months. We do text each other daily and we should be seeing each other next month and over the summer as our schedules ease up. She is currently away in Europe for a month so while we have been texting it has been a little hectic.
**The Problem:** Today Susan and I were texting and flirting and everything seemed to be going great, especially since for the last few days we've been a bit frustrated about communication because of the time change. She was drunk (because she can legally drink where she is) and texted me "I love you." When I saw this message my face lit up and I was genuinely happy even though I know that I don't love her. I thought it was a drunk text and I really do like her, so I responded with "Really? I might too." As it turns out this message was meant for one of her friends and while I did back track and say that I was simply responding to what I thought was a drunk text, I am really worried she might take this the wrong way. I asked her if we could just forget about the whole situation and she agreed. We talked for a few more minutes before I had to go to practice but I am really worried that this could screw everything up. I do like this girl and plan on taking her to my prom once she gets back from Europe (she already said yes!) Should I just act as if nothing happened and go with the flow, or should I try to talk this out? Let me know what you all think! Thanks! | Accidentally said that I might love you to a girl. Should I act like nothing happened or try to talk it out? |
t3_54c9l7 | askwomenadvice | Being Friends Post-Rejection | I (M25) worked with her (F29), we're quite friendly for co-workers and I think she likes me. After I leave I ask her out but she said 'no'. We've carried on being our normal level of friendly when we see each other (group of us who do/did work together get together every few weeks), after a little bit of initial awkward.
I kind of have this assumption that I can't be trying to be any more friendly with her because she will think I have ulterior motives. TBH there's a bit of me that does want her to get to know me better in case she changes her mind but I know I have to respect her choice so I can and will keep that in check. Do you think she is likely to think this or would she just have moved on from it all?
Every now and again someone brings up dating and suddenly it's a bit awkward again because she's obviously trying not to look at me. Is that kind of to be expected or should I read something into that? I generally don't feel awkward now but maybe she always will?
Should I let myself have that little bit of hope she might change her mind? Is that a thing that people do or am I just trying to convince myself? I don't want to be disrespectful so she'd need to give me good reason to think it's even ok to flirt. I did an awful job of asking her and her feeling weird about the recent work relationship might have had something to do with it. I sat there the other day as her friends told her she should date more then just after mentioning to her how I'm a 'good one'. If I let myself have that bit hope then these sort of thing get in my head and have me thinking about how much I like her which isn't helpful. But this is more than an average crush for me, I don't want to give up if there's a chance.
And any other thoughts on navigating this are welcome. It's a new one to me. I don't want to be a dick and if we're not going to date then I do want to be friends. | I asked her out, she said no and now I'm not sure how friendly to be, if she still feels awkward and if there's a point maintaining hope. |
t3_2dbbut | relationship_advice | My girlfriend (17/f) broke up with me (19/m) and I feel completely lost on what to do. | I met my SO a year ago over the summer on a study abroad trip. She was in a relationship with a boy in her high school but decided to end it and be in a relationship with me. That summer was the happiest I've ever been. We lived in different states and I started going to college in yet another state when I returned home. We skyped nearly everyday long distance and did visits during breaks when we could. I didn't have a great time at school and ended up feeling pretty bad which impacted a few of my visits with negativity. So towards the end of the school year we decide we need a bit of a break from eachother. I was just going back home and she was going to start a lot of various programs which would keep her busy and meeting people. So we reduced contact and then picked it up again a little bit and it seemed like everything was going to work out. And then all of a sudden she says the relationship doesn't feel normal, she hates feeling obligation, she has a feeling if we continue we'll end up in a worse state than we've ever been in, she has doubts about our compatibility, she doesn't want to be in a relationship, and she wants us to have separate experiences. I don't understand where these feelings came from and neither does she. We never wanted to stay together because we felt like we were supposed to but I don't feel like I got a second chance after all my negativity. I don't feel done having her in my life in that intimate way and I don't know what changed her mind so suddenly. We are incredibly open but we've talked for hours and hours about our issues and she has no further answers for me than what I gave. Though it's hard I can give her time to figure more out but I feel like time will only drive us apart, not together. I don't feel ready to give her up and I'd like outside advice on what to do. Thanks | It feels like my girlfriend had a mid-life crisis and is done being with me but I'm not done being with her. |
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