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t3_u3l1u | jobs | Early job-success | For all those who recently have started a job and want to know what to do.
Find something, Anything, that you excel at and make it your niche. Your superiors will notice, even if they don't say anything.
I started at a CPA firm in January and because I knew taxes fairly well (having worked at H&R Block for the 3 previous tax seasons) I didn't have to ask a whole lot of questions. Now that tax season is over I find myself struggling with payroll and financial statements. However, because I did so well during tax season, our managing partner today said that they were giving me a pay raise because the partners all felt I deserved it. I haven't been there six months and I got a 10% raise. From what I've gathered through coworkers before today a raise before the first year is unheard of. Prior to this I had heard a couple of "good jobs" sort of thing, but no one really gave me any idea about my performance, so I was completely surprised. | Find One thing you're good at (or many if you can) and choose to do an awesome job and higher-ups will notice. |
t3_4193pe | relationships | My [25F] SO [27M] got into a physical fight. | At the end of December my SO of two years that I lived with got into a fight that turned physical. I said some nasty horrible personal things one should never say and I own up to that but he shoved me, hit me in the legs with an object, I punched in the face and he then head butted me. I ran into the bathroom out of fear, he pretended to call the cops and our landlord. He then left with one of his friends. I proceeded to call my mom and best friend both of which live a few states away.
I decided to move back home to my parents because I was scared and just didn't want to stay there anymore and honestly didn't know what the hell to think of my SO anymore. He had never been abusive like that before. I have chose to try to forgive him and work on our relationship through counseling, therapy and space.
My question is, how do I let my family know? How could he ever get into their good graces or do you think he can? Am I being a ninny for taking him back? I just would love some advice from people who have been in a situation such as this one or really any advice I would love. Thank you. | SO became abusive. Should I stay and if I do how can I get my family to possibly approve of our relationship? |
t3_3nikdj | relationships | [26F] Broke up with cheating ex [27M], we lived together. How do I make him pay half of the expenses he owes? I have to break NC and I'm dreading it (96 days NC) | My ex D, and I lived together for 2 years. Everything went well, we got along awesome. D started to act a little strange, and it turns out D was active on dating sites and you know the rest. He hid all Facebook posts and pictures from me so they wouldn't see them etc...
I printed off the evidence, and broke it off and left the house we shared that week. He lived there for 1 month by himself. For the past 2 years the bills would get automatically paid from my account and he would just give me half of that money with half the rent. I got the final bills from the apt complex and the bills got paid automatically. I want him to pay what he owes from that last month he lived there by himself because I don't feel it's fair I pay for him since he was cheating on me. Also, I am 95% sure he will pay what he owes due to past behavior.
I was thinking of sending a Message with something like: "Hey D, the final bills arrived and the total you owe is $ X, I attach a scanned copy of the receipts. Please pay the full amount by the Xth(date) at (my paypal). Thanks!"
Would this be a good way to phrase it? I haven't contacted him in 96 days at all. I have him blocked everywhere, but I thought about unblocking him on Facebook to send this. Any advice on how to handle this? | Broke up with cheating ex, how to politely and firmly message him to have him pay for what he owes financially? Have not contacted him in 96 days. |
t3_2fz340 | relationships | How do I [22M] listen better to my GF [23F] of a year | So my GF has a few family issues and vents to me frequently about them. I listen/ask/cheer-up/give-advice as best I can, but there's no real way to resolve her issues until she moves out. Despite that, I continue doing what I think a good SO should do, listen.
Now my issue is this: What else can I do? Her issue usually gets less heated when she gets some rest, but never go away. And to be honest, it gets a bit tiring to listen to the same rant 3 times a week
This same exact thing happened with my first GF. But she had friend issues instead of family issues. I listened/asked/cheered-up/gave-advice like I am doing now, but she left me because someone else was listening better than I, I suppose. (Their relationship started while we were still together and she gradually vented to him more than me)
What can I do to "listen better"? I don't want to lose this one to a fresher ear too =( | I don't want to lose my SO, how can I continue listening to her problems without her getting bored of me? |
t3_1xzn9v | relationships | Me [20 F] with my SO [28 M] of 18 months won't go to bed with me, and I think I might be over reacting. How can I get over this? | So I have a job now where I work at 1 in the after noon every day, and starting in 2 weeks I will start a job where I have to be out of the house by 7:30 AM. My boyfriend works random shifts, sometimes 9, sometimes 10, sometimes 2, sometimes 1.
As it is right now, since I work so late in the day, I can stay up with him. We stay up until 2 or 3. The only reason I stay up is because he won't go to bed before then. We have lived together for about a year now. I will have to start going to bed at around 9 or 10 PM. I talked to him about it and he said he would go to bed with me on Monday nights, and that is it.
I tried explaining that him going to bed with me is a REALLY big deal, but I Have sucked it up this long.
We only have sex once a week, sometimes less than that, and I worry that now we won't have it at all. I brought this up to him, and it is not a big deal to him either, he just says he doesn't want to get bored with sex.
That really hurt me, and we have had this same fight for the past year, and I have just sucked it up.
This is honestly something that is a deal breaker. And I love my boyfriend, and I know he won't do anything he doesn't want to do, and I shouldn't force him to do anything. I just need some tips or advise or ANYTHING telling me that I am over reacting about this. | Boyfriend is going to stop going to bed with me since I start an early morning shift at my job in 2 weeks. Just need some advise. Considering not taking the position because of it. |
t3_2u3f6w | relationships | [25M] - The most difficult decision of my life: to move or not to move? | Well, this is pretty damn awkward asking a whole bunch of random strangers on an online website for advice, but here I am.
I was dating a girl for 9 or so months and things were going absolutely amazing. Great girl, amazing personality, really understood / accepted the person I am etc. You know how that works. Well, long story short, she's been in an ongoing battle with depression and it ended up getting pretty serious so we're now taking a relationship break so she can sort out her issues. She said she felt like our relationship would turn into therapy for her. I respect her decision.
So, we're on a break currently with the stipulation that neither of us see or have relations with anyone else during the break, and that we'd talk every few days so I could see how she was handling things. The problem is, that hasn't happened at all. She has made absolutely no effort to stay in any form of contact with me save a text here and there. I'm getting pretty tired of not getting a return call back or even a text explaining she was busy. (which is once or so a week, not every day. I'm not the type to pester.)
I'm currently considering moving 10 hours away to pursue jobs and eventually graduate school in a city that holds much more promise than where I'm currently at. It feels like the most difficult decision I've ever had to make because on one hand, I need to look out for myself and my future, on the other hand, I'm absolutely crazy about this girl. But hey, if she's not trying to meet me in the middle here at all, there's probably not a relationship to save. It just really sucks. I've always been of the opinion that if you want to be with someone badly enough, you'll do whatever you need to do to make that happen. I just don't think she feels that way about me anymore, and her actions don't reflect that either. But, maybe it's a depression thing?
So, feel free to give me your thoughts here. I'm seriously open to any advice. It's not like I can talk to her about this thing. | GF and I are on a break so she can get her depression sorted out, I'm considering moving 10 hours away to pursue work and school. Tough decision ensues. |
t3_34x8fn | personalfinance | Trying to build credit, hit a snag | I'm a 24 year old that moved to North Dakota, I've been paying my credit card bills immediately and I have set up myself with a nice emergency fund and savings. I play a video game that hosts a conference in Vegas every year, and I purchased the tickets and flight with my credit card and paid it off almost immediately. I watch my credit like a hawk, because I'm hoping to get a car (used) and apparently with the flight and tickets I used a substantial percentage of my credit, which dropped my scores approximately 50 points to about 650. Even after paying off my credit, is there anyway I can talk my way out of that alert of high credit usage for that month, or am I out of luck and learn from this lesson? | Usually spend 15-20% of my credit limit, used my credit card to purchase tickets for vacation, and got a credit hit for high usage? Is there anyway to combat this? |
t3_1s5ror | relationships | I'm [22F] bored with my boyfriend [22M] of 4.5 years | Basically my boyfriend and I feel like we have been dating for far too long. He is my second real boyfriend and I have only been with 2 other guys, I don't know if this is the reason for my boredom.
We try to see each other every 3rd day or so but every time we do, I leave feeling disappointed. We've had numerous talks about this and how he would try be more spontaneous and romantic but it honestly feels like the same deal every single time.
I love him very much and care for him a lot but it seems he can't meet my needs, not only sexually but most importantly mentally. I feel bad for him because I wonder if he feels the same way about me.
He has a lot of personal goals that he hasn't quite reached these past few years and has let himself go. He is aware of this. The no.1 qualities I was attracted to of his are now gone, which were determination and success.
Is this the end? It can't be. I know if I left him, I'd be devasted and so would he. How am I supposed to rekindle this relationship? Oh and he is very reserved and has never said he loves me all these years, despite me saying it to him 4 diff times during our relo. | help me rekindle a dead end relo (and not in a sexual way). I am bored with my current partner and he probably feels the same |
t3_3wuf8j | Advice | Cheap places to live for a few months other than a homeless shelter. | I must move out of my house. But need to move to another state and have money for the ticket and food but not enough money to pay for rent. I searched for hostels but found out that they are not like the ones in Europe. I've never been to Europe but heard they are usually very cheap and people who do backpacking used them a lot. Is there a version of hostels in USA? Or a place where I can live for a month or two for cheap. I was thinking of going back to Florida but I'm open to other options.
I have my Florida license but haven't lived there for about three years. I don't have any addiction problems, don't smoke or drink. This is why I'm avoiding a homeless shelter plus I think the space is limited and better suited for people with mental issues and stuff who need it most. Winter is coming. I was recently diagnose with ADHD and my family is not very supportive. They think is a made up condition and that I'm just lazy and useless. I know that is not the case (I have a bachelor's and an associate degree). I'm currently studying programming online and working on my online portfolio. Whatever I do takes some time and effort but I'm very persistent. I don't feel this is a good and productive environment for me to live in since they are short of kicking me out and their comments are a little hurtful. | I need advice on inexpensive places to live until I find a job, can get on my feet and get treatment for ADHD. |
t3_2jwfi1 | askwomenadvice | Preparing for wife's loss of a life-long companion. How can I best support her, considering past immense emotional collapses? | So, this is actually my first post to this sub, let alone Reddit. I'm happy to leave it here - thanks for reading.
I (M/33) have been with my wife (let's call her Sophie, 31) for five years, married for one. Sophie is a down to earth country girl in love with her horse that she's had since she was 4 years old. That makes the horse 27 years old (which is quite old for a horse). Sophie is has an incredible heart and soul – immense compassion for animals and humans alike. Her connection to her horse (and previous animal companions) is deeper than normal, IMO, which can lead to extremely emotional, hysterical (pardon the term) crying when they die. Aside from a few tears from heart-felt commercials, and even very positive events – losing an animal is the only times she falls deeply into uncontrollable and lengthy bawling.
The horse (we'll call him Stingo) appears to be in failing health - his time might be coming to an end, and will eventually anyway. Sophie has already admitted she will "be a wreck" when he does pass. I perceive myself to be more stoic and reserved, rarely expressing emotion aside from laughter and sadness when appropriate to me (ironic username). I love that Sophie has this connection with Stingo, and I sympathize deeply with it – but am unable to empathize, at all.
In the past I have been unable to console or support her in a way that observably helped – and mourning alone can be OK – but I'd like to be there for her with both words and a shoulder since I think this is going to be a doozy. I consider myself great with words, but more so written than spoken. I'd like to be able to have a few things to say when she's reminiscing; comfort her as a woman who lost a life-long companion rather than a wife whose husband doesn't fully understand the depth of her loss.
I'm all ears. | Wife will be incredibly (uncontrollably) emotional when her horse passes. Past experience has shown I am not very good at approaching this well! Looking for guidance on how to console and support her. |
t3_2z3r3q | offmychest | I was approached by two different homeless men tonight and feel awful about both encounters | First off, I'm from the midwest, recently new to a big city, so it's kind of a new concept for me.
So I'm walking to my bus stop after being at a friend's place tonight, and I get approached by a homeless man. I had my headphones in, but he kept following me, and he was begging me for food. I was throwing every excuse at him, but I saw his eyes, and i just felt bad for how painful they looked at me. So I gave him some cash. At first, I felt okay, good karma and such. Then I felt bad. I recently lost my job, I can't just give people money, I barely have any of my own. What if he spends it on drugs or alcohol? Why was I stupid enough to do that?
As I'm contemplating what just happened at the bus stop, I get approached by a second homeless guy. He extends out his hand to shake it. I have a thing for germs, I have since middle school, and there's something about people who spend a lot of time outside that bugs me. Hunters, campers, homeless people... I just don't like touching them. I reluctantly shake it, and he asks for food. I straight up tell him, "I just lost my job, I can't afford to," and he goes on his way.
Immediately afterwards, I find the nearest bathroom and wash my hands for a good minute. I shook a guys hand and touched an ATM in a crowded city and I didn't want to sit on a bus for 40 minutes with a hand I felt was dirty. Now I feel bad because I washed my hand and I gave the first homeless guy money but not the second one. I got home and washed my hands again, and jumped in the shower and now feel clean.
I mean, I know this is something extremely stupid to freak out about, but I just feel like the worst person in the world right now. Everyone I know is asleep and I just really needed to tell someone, so thanks. | Gave a homeless guy money, felt bad about it because I'm unemployed. Didn't give a different homeless guy money, felt bad about it because I gave another one money and I'm a germaphobe. |
t3_9toym | AskReddit | Help! My fiancee was invited to a stupid Halloween party and I do NOT want to go, but I also don't want to be a jerk and not go with her. What can I do to make this waste of a few hours enjoyable? | Backstory: She was invited by a male friend of hers I don't like. At all. I admit the reason behind my not liking him is irrational, but whatever, the guy is an idiot. He lives about an hour away. Last time I went to a party of his, it was completely cliquey and very hard to get in on the private, jokie-joke conversations the guests had with each other, because they all work in the same industry. I tried telling my fiancee this, and she doesn't understand why I feel the way I do about it. I can't booze it up and pass the time in a stupor because I have to drive. Got any ideas for entertaining myself? | = I'm the DD for a Halloween party that's an hour away. I don't want to go, but I have to. Got any ideas for entertaining myself? |
t3_1dvfqw | loseit | Questions for women who have completed Insanity? | Hey Everyone!
I love this subreddit, and you are all inspirations! What I am about to say may sound silly to some but it's an unfortunate genuine concern of mine. I really would love to do insanity, but I am afraid that even though I may see great results in my body, the number on the scale will not drastically change. I wish I could say I wasn't focused on the number but I am only 5'3 and it is a TERRIFYING number to look at.
So, women of loseit who have completed Insanity, did the number on the scale decrease? Or did it hover around the same number due to the simultaneous increase in muscle alongside the decrease in fat? Are there any women who noticed a significant drop in the number on the scale? I know I shouldn't be focused on the number and I wish I weren't.
I know I geared this question towards women but I would more than love to hear everyone's experience with Insanity. The most I ever completed was a week. I have a hard time with knowing when I should be pushing myself and when I should be pacing myself and taking breaks. I feel if I take it easy on myself then I won't see results. Therefore, I often push myself to the brink of vomitting while doing insanity.
Thank you all for your responses, it is more than appreciated! | How was the insanity experience for you? Did the number on the scale go down or stay the same? How did you manage the fight between pushing yourself to get stronger and pacing yourself for safety reasons? |
t3_1ay924 | relationships | I [23F] want a deeper connection with my boyfriend [23M]... when is it time to give up on an otherwise great relationship? | I've been dating my [23M] boyfriend for six months (and we hooked up for a few months prior to this), we're both seniors about to graduate college.
My last relationship was very intense (and toxic) with codependency, roller coaster emotions and trust issues, but also with a deep intellectual bond. When I first started dating my current boyfriend, I was happy just to be finally enjoying spending time with someone who was emotionally stable and a really good person.
But there's one problem: I get emotional fulfillment from real conversation -- I want to know what my partner thinks about the world, what things are important to him. I want lots of spirited debate over issues and intimate sharing of feelings!
Getting my boyfriend to engage with me on this level has been hard. It's gotten better since the beginning of our relationship, but whenever we have a free second together he wants to watch a youtube video or read something funny.
I'm starting to get really discouraged. We spent the last week alone together 24/7 and didn't really have a single satisfying (to me!) conversation. I've brought this issue up many times, non-confrontationally. In the past week, I've expressed that I would really like to have more serious discussions probably four times, and he always agrees, but it never materializes.
At this point, I almost feel like I am forcing/guilting him into something he is just not interested in. I asked him if he just didn't enjoy that kind of conversation, and he said that he did enjoy it, he simply wasn't used to it. I get the impression that my continuous requests have made him nervous about the issue.
This boy is so good for me -- he's a very loving, kind, great person who is laid back in a way that complements my somewhat intense personality. He helps me relax and enjoy myself. I feel lucky to be with him. But I don't think I can be satisfied without the deeper emotional/intellectual engagement. At what point do I give up on a great relationship for this issue? Any suggestions on how else I could approach it with him? | I want to have long, meaningful conversations with my boyfriend, but he never seems interested. I've brought it up many times. Is there anything else I can do? Am I setting an unreasonable standard? |
t3_394hjr | relationships | An old fling and current friend (19M) is blowing me off, conveniently as I'm (21F) dating a new guy | Me and 19M have known each other for about a year and have slept together repeatedly over the course of the past two months. Non-committed. However, if he were to ask me on a date I wouldn't say no. He's always saying how he doesn't want to make us a thing, so whatever. I got the dick. Definitely nothing to worry about.
In the past he's always been happy around me. Joking with me. Texting me stupid cat pictures. Really fun. It's why we're friends and have always been friends. I do it back.
He found out I'm dating other guys for the first time since we kinda didn't have a thing but still fucked each other. At first he was making it a point that he wasn't jealous, even though I never asked. Then he got offended that I never brought it up, because "friends talk about these things". Okay, I'll tell you all about it after it happens.
Today I told him I had a date tonight. We're coworkers. All day at work he was really short with me and didn't goof off like he always does. Not mean, but definitely not friendly. He canceled plans we've had for a week too with no explanation. I was really looking forward to them. Before the date I saw a penguin gif so I sent it to him. No response. He won't respond. Now I'm home (remember, he got mad at me not sharing before) and he hasn't asked about it. Hell, his best friend has asked me about it and is super happy for me.
The dude wants no commitment. The dude is offensively jealous (but lol no I'm not) and asks for details. Then ignores me, blows me off, and doesn't even seem to care.
What is his fucking problem? What do I do? He's my friend, and I want to keep him as a friend, but not if that means I have to remain his backup bitch. Do I confront him? Do I play it off until he caves? What is he even thinking? | Friend", with whom I've had a sexual past, is blowing me off because I'm dating and generally being happy without him. |
t3_1wbukr | relationships | Me [19 M] with my friend [20F] I asked her out, she said yes, then cancelled to date me due to school and fear of drama. | Hello,
So I asked a close friend of mine out. She said yes, and I thought everything was fine and dandy, until the day of the date. She post sooner the date for tomorrow, then the next day came. She missed the date. She forgot to wake up.
Obviously this made me assume that she didn't want to go out with me. So I told her if she still wanted to go out that she needs to make up the plans now, when she knows she can make it. So she does.
Day of the date rolls by and she wants to talk. She says she's afraid to get in a relationship, the first one she was in was rather bad as far as I know and she wants to focus on school, because she can't afford to mess up.
This response I didn't like at all. I told her what I thought and said even though all of that I still like her, but I'm willing to respect her decision. She said she really likes me and she's afraid of drama stirring up in our group of friends who her ex is sometimes involved with. This gives me hope and crushes it at the same time.
Now what to do? I'm assuming I should just move on and not worry about it. Even thought I want there to be a solution to this.
What would anyone recommend? I'll keep her a close friend, but I feel like I should seek after her anymore. | asked friend out, she said yes. Then canceled plans to date me in general due to school, and fear of drama. She said she likes me a lot, I stated how I felt. Now what do I do? |
t3_2h92co | relationships | I (25/f) hate my sister in law (35/f) and have to disown her. | I mostly need to vent. My brother in law (my husband's brother) married an evil, insane woman. She's 35, doesn't work, has a live-in nanny, a history of domestic violence charges, a daughter from a previous relationship who she doesn't have custody of, and a new 3 month old baby with my brother in law. Yesterday, she began calling everyone in the family because my brother in law wasn't home when she wanted him to be.
My brother in law works constantly, while this bitch refuses to work, and then screams at him for not being home more to cater to her and the baby. He came to my house yesterday seeking temporary refuge because she was on one of her abusive tangents. When he didn't come home when she demanded, she began calling everyone in the family, and began telling us we were huge pieces of shit for not sending her husband home.
Here's the kicker: my mother in law, who had breast cancer and takes a cocktail of medications just to function, sided with her son and told him to stay the night at our place so things could cool down. This action was met with a barrage of text messages from my sister in law, some of which included things like "I hope you fucking die of that cancer you pill popping shitty mother." I kid you not.
My brother in law won't leave her because of the baby. So, after 2 days of her spewing unprovoked vitriol at us, the entire family decided to cut them out of our lives. We feel guilty because this means cutting out our newborn niece as well, but we can't handle the abuse. We are so shocked that we are considering filing harassment charges. Good call/bad call? | My sister in law is a hateful, evil bitch who told my breast-cancer stricken mother in law that she hopes she dies of cancer. |
t3_368gvq | relationships | Me [17M] with my ex-girlfriend [16F] got into a fight about the guy she's seeing ended with insults and blocking of one another | OK so this might be a little long so bear with me.
Alright so me and my ex were trying to remain friends after our breakup (less than a month ago). we've had a couple fights before mainly about the guy which I feel she dumped me for. I've told her multiple times before to not talk about him to me but she would continuously talk about him to me which poked at my jealousy and I'd become passive aggressive with her (bad thing I know) and then shed continue on about how great this guy was trying to get a reaction out of me. So I told one of my close friends about this so she asked me to give her my phone so she could block her for me because my friend was trying to look out for me which i understand but now i feel incredibly guilty about it and want me and my ex to be friends, because i still care about her, but I feel like I've screwed that up. | Ex wouldnt stop talking about other guy, my friend blocked her and now i feel guilty about it due to still caring about my ex. |
t3_effeo | needadvice | just spent a year applying for a job that was perfect for me and would launch my career only to find out I did not get it...need advice.. | I applied to be a navy officer specifically intel..can't tell you how much effort I put into this. Lost 35 pounds. Filled out about 50 pages of paperwork. Letters of Recommendation, Studied for a month for an exam, more paperwork, 3 months of waiting and doing nothing, only to find out that I was not accepted. To be fair it is very competitive with the down job market etc... The next board is not until April. I dislike my current job as its a job and not a career and I dislike the city I live in.
I hate the feeling of rejection especially when it comes to these types of things. It seems like I am always on the losing side of this.
reddit I am frustrated on so many levels due to the fact that I really had my mind set on this and put together a very competitive package. Furthermore, I really thought this was the perfect option for my life right now...now its back to square one and back to 'treading water'. | Does anyone have any wise advice for a 23 recent grad stuck in a job he dislikes who just found out he was not accepted to a career launching program he spent a year applying too. |
t3_2qxo3n | relationships | What to do with my [20F] ex-BF's [22M] gift, any ideas? | I started seeing a guy for a couple of months and without getting into great detail, we are no longer together. I am emotionally over the situation and hopes he finally finds love because he's a genuine, good guy. However, he was a bit of a [insert insult] because he led me to believe that we would be in it for the long haul and he simply wasn't ready to have a girlfriend.
So here is my dilema: I got him a really nice, personalized scotch glass for Christmas and never got to give it to him and I don't know what to do with it. A part of me wants to break it and throw it out, and another part of me wants to keep it for my own use (becuase I paid good money for it and I like the glass). Any ideas? Let's get creative! | Broke up with guy and I need some ideas on what to do with the scotch glass I was going to give him for Christmas. |
t3_25yxfx | self | I need an internet friend (There's some backstory in here, you don't have to read it) | So I dunno if this is the place to post this or what, but it seems alright here so.. here goes nothing.
Backstory: I'll just uh.. tell anyone who reads this a little about myself so anyone out there that also needs a friend can decide if they're interested.
I'm 15, F, Canada/Brasil. I was addicted to a lot of drugs until my mother figured out my passwords and read through my facebok, texts, etc. She's shipped me off to Brasil to spend time with my family until I'm 'better'. I've been here since February. Yeah, yeah, I know I had it coming. I know I'm in the wrong and she just wanted the best for me. Anyway; They've banned all my favourite sites from any computer I have access to, so I don't have any contact with any friends I had. I'm completely alone, the only people I've talked to in this entire time have been my 5 family members.
I'm under supervision at ALL times, no exceptions. | Mother finds out I've been doing drugs, sends me off to Brasil to live with my aunts. Not allowed outside alone, given no opportunities to make friends. Contact with old internet friends cut. |
t3_100eue | relationships | Boyfriend [24m] takes back "I Love You" | I [21f] have been dating an amazing guy for around 7 months. He is loving, attentive, caring and our relationship is wonderful. Best I've ever had. We're close with each others families, talk about long term plans (vacations, thanksgiving, etc.) spend a majority of nights together, have same sense of humor, similar philosophies, etc. Seem to be on the same page with just about everything in the relationship. He means the world to me.
However, during sex one night (around month four) he blurted out, "I think I love you". It caught me off guard so I kissed him and didn't say anything. Afterword, he looked over at me and said, "I really do love you". I reciprocated, and it felt extremely right at the time.
For a few months we said it to each other like any normal couple, it never sounded forced on his end, and I was (and still am) madly in love with him.
Slowly though, he stopped saying it first and then not at all. Last night, I asked him what was wrong. He began to explain that he felt that he had said it too early, and regrets it now. But that he still had extremely strong feelings for me and did not want to break up or change anything about our relationship. I could tell he felt horrible, and that it was painful for him. Naturally, I was heartbroken. I told him that I still love him and would essentially "wait" for him while he sorted his feelings out.
I understand that 7 months isn't too long of a time, and that I shouldn't "expect" him to love me by now. But the fact that he said it and then told me he actually didn't mean it is odd. I am his first girlfriend, so I'm totally willing to give him a little leeway on the emotional side of a relationship--but it broke my heart. The fact that he felt so bad about it makes it even harder.
Is this a typical guy thing? A red flag? Do I need to give him an ultimatum of sorts? I need some outside advice desperately, I'm so sad. | been dating for 7 months, boyfriend say I love you during sex at month 4. Says last night he regrets it and doesn't actually love me but doesn't want to break up. Help. |
t3_z8w0f | relationships | GF (F/24) has trust issues due to cheating ex; doesn't know if she can ever love me (M/24), what can I do? | I' (M/24) have been dating this girl (also 24) for about 6 months, but she's always been rather cold and distant with me. She tells me she has issues with trusting me and she doesn't know if she can ever say the "L" word with me, but that she's trying and hopes that she can some day.
She's told me the reason for this is because of her past relationship that ended about 2 years ago. I guess she dated this guy for a year (her first "real" bf), everything was great and seemed perfect, and then he cheated on her out of nowhere.
The whole thing really tore her up and she made herself very cold and numb to everything after the experience and now she says she's having trouble being affectionate and loving again and with being able to trust again, and quite understandably so. I completely understand where she is coming from, I know that she just doesn't want to get hurt again.
I've tried telling her that I would never cheat on her (I wouldn't and never have on a girl before), and that hopefully she will be able to see that herself as time goes on, but of course she doesn't believe me. I'm not really sure what I can do here. I feel like it's an uphill battle because I feel like no matter how perfect and loyal I look in her eyes, she's still not going to trust me after what happened to her.
Do any of you have experience with your partners having trust issues with you at the beginning of your relationships? How did you get over it? I feel like this is so difficult because her last relationship seemed "perfect" and then the guy cheated on her out of nowhere. I feel like until we get past this we will never have a "real" relationship, is there anything that I can do, or things that I should be doing, to facilitate this relationship into something better? | Girlfriend got cheated on by ex in "perfect" relationship, now she feels like she can't trust again. Is there anything I can do? |
t3_2uz5xb | relationships | Me [29 M] with my GF [25 F] 4 months, need serious help offering support | She's pulling away from me over an unresolved emotional issue. Last year she miscarried from a previous relationship. She won't let go of that pain and it seems to me guilt and regret, which is preventing her from moving on. She'll sometimes say that she doesn't think she deserves to be happy. I want to help but I don't know how or if I even can.
We've been close friends for almost 3 years and have increasingly been a big part of each others' lives. She initiated our relationship and I'm completely in love with her. She says she feels the same way, but there's this lingering hesitation that she describes as not being able to completely let me in because it would mean abandoning everything surrounding what happened last year, as if it didn't mean anything.
I've noticed that she seems to mark calendar dates like when she would have given birth, the approximate anniversary of becoming pregnant, and I expect it'll hit her again at the anniversary of the miscarriage itself. She's seen a therapist several times. From my perspective I think she's made a lot of progress coping with the whole thing, but it feels like a part of her doesn't want to commit to resolving the emotional turmoil this is causing.
She also said that the unbalanced emotional investment between us is unfair to me. I don't care about that, I told her from the start that I'd do whatever I can to help her through this if I could but she says I shouldn't be the person to help her, again because it's unfair to me. I still want to though. I'm usually mindful about what all of my options are but I'm at a loss here. How do I support her? Is there anyone here who has been through something similar to this? This is a new one for me, please help. | GF miscarried from previous relationship and withdraws at the prospect of fully committing herself to our relationship because she thinks she doesn't deserve happiness now. What can I do to help/support her? |
t3_487ueo | tifu | TIFU by farting next to my dog. | So tonight the wife made Italian lasagna with garlic bread, it was delicious to the last bite. 2 large glasses of milk to wash it all down and I was ready to pass out for the night. I had just fed the puppy and she was finishing up her food as I plopped down onto the couch. I was laying facing towards the couch when I felt the burn and the pressure building, the compilation of smelly foods that I had devoured an hour ago was already sending it's own "kaiju" in the Pacific rim sense, toward the portal to our world in my nether regions.
Upon releasing my flatulence, I could tell it was a particularly foul smelling concoction as it literally burned when it passed through the poop shoot canal. I had not realized my dog had come over to see what the loud crack of noise was and decided on saying hello to me while she was there.
I rolled over to see the final seconds of a face of complete and utter terror. I burst out laughing hilariously while apologizing to her but she was frozen in place. I don't think anything could have ever prepared her for what she just had experienced.
She eventually started to walk away and I rolled back over to rest and then I heard her retch. She puked everywhere on the area rug that my wife bought a few years ago. Guess she couldn't handle the dutch oven she stuck her nose into any longer and just lost control of the dinner she just had. | farted on my dog on accident, laughed histerically, turned around, and she threw up all over the rug from what I can only determine to be the smell of halfway digested lasagna. |
t3_2qhy72 | relationship_advice | Shy guy [32 M] turned down my [28 F] invitation to go to dinner. Should I give up? | My co-worker is very shy and English is his second language. At a company dinner where he had been drinking, he asked me what I was doing for Christmas and I told him I was going to a nearby city to hangout with friends. He asked if they were men or women and I said women. Then he told me he was spending it alone. I told him that he should come hang out with us. Another co-worker whose English is better said he wants to but he doesn't understand English very well. He then told me he only understands 60% of what I tell him.
Later on that night, by this time he was sober, as we were walking home I told him that he shouldn't spend Christmas alone. When I asked why he said it was his "destiny." In this country Christmas is usually celebrated with couple not family. I then asked if he wanted to have dinner on Christmas and he said maybe. Then he said said his English is really bad. He then asked my age and thought I was 20 but I told him I was actually 28. He told me he was 31 and said he was old.
As we got to the street I live on he just hurried up and said bye and walked away. No mention of the dinner or anything. He doesn't have my number or anyway to contact me nor did he ask for it. I honestly thought he liked me but I guess not. He has told me my eyes are beautiful a couple times and has told me I'm a very kind person who smiles a lot. | Shy co-worker showed signs of liking me but turned down my invitation for dinner. He's just not that into me? |
t3_1iajkx | relationship_advice | Met this girl in a iphone app and we've been talk for more than a year and now idk what to do | Okay so i'm 21 and she's 20 and we made contact with each other was Late May last year and we started txting and then i had a opportunity to meet her but that was only like 2 weeks in and i was a major music event and yea i didn't hit her up but we continued. Then we went for another 8 months and starting talking in a more serious matter and we have major chemistry so we were talking about meeting up so we made plans.
Forgot to mention she lives in another part of the country from me.
So we made plans to meet and everything was great and then her end fell through due to family and thats completely understandable so life goes on. Then soon after we try again and something happens on my end this time so we get bummed then move on. Month or 2 go by and lots of things happen and prevent us from meeting and she goes on vacation and i had the opportunity and i said yes then her end fell through again. We came up with a plan for her to leave early and come visit and someone passed on her side so thats understandable again. She gets home and now we're like lets meet (last thursday) and she bought a ticket out here then she's like "i talked to my mom and we think it would be less of a hassle to fly on the weekend. So i was like ugh okay and she recheduled and the only one she could get was for today 06/14. Well she got mad at something last afternoon and cancelled everything and now idk what to do anymore. | Met this girl on iPhone app and we've have been trying to meet and something always prevents us and idk what to do |
t3_3ehv0o | relationships | I [29F] has been hooking up with [29 M] for 9 months, just found out he's been engaged the whole time. | I'm in shock right now. We always had a very casual arrangement, we met through Tinder last autumn, I stayed over his a few times but mostly he would stay over at mine maybe once a month or so. Just sex, I didn't think for a second that I was the only one and I'm sure vice versa, but wow. Not that.
Recently we had grown closer and started texting just about everyday stuff, well, nearly every day. So maybe that's why, on a bored Friday night, I decided to google him properly. I find a tagged work photo on Twitter, that leads to an Instagram account and hey presto! Photo of him and his finacee announcing their engagement. Which took place about a month after we first hooked up. In their bed. And on their sofa. Etc. Etc.
Anyway. Now I don't know what to do. I have the potential to cause mayhem - I have nude pics, sexting messages, everything BUT...I don't know if I'd rather just let it go and hide away and hate all men forever. BUT then some poor girl is set to marry a complete bastard. | Discovered fuck buddy has been enagaged the whole time. Get revenge? Let it go? No idea what to do... |
t3_2uatg9 | relationships | My BF[23M] and I[21F] are both avid League of Legends players but because of the game, I feel left out and ignored? | Throwaway account. I wanted to ask if other gamers have gone through situations similar to mine. My boyfriend is really great at the game and I fall short. (I played way less than him and don't really get the mechanics.) He and I have been together for a year.
We were both Diamond players last season but since the restart, he's been 'busy.' And I don't think he likes the league friends that I choose to play with because they're not great at the game and we end up losing. (He hates losing and wants to have a fun game. So even if he loses he wants a close game.) I confronted him about it for about three weeks and he tries to fix it by telling me that he doesn't want to play because I'm playing with a certain someone. But I don't want to avoid that friend just because my boyfriend doesn't like that person. I tried changing the group of friends I play with but he doesn't like the people I like to play with. He'd always make up an excuse and say he was busy or just wasn't in the mood.
I understand that, I can't force him to play. But I'm really sensitive so I thought maybe it was my fault. And I've grown up with bashing myself for shit that happens.. which isn't a positive thing to do. I played my placement matches and ended up low plat. Boyfriend plays and is at low Diamond now. when I get out of my game, WHELP he's in a game. And then his friends are all playing so I can't play with him either.. which sucks. I feel like our relationship is deteriorating. Even during skype not much is being said anymore.. and i'm dealing with health issues and he refuses to see me until I'm 100% healthy. I just feel neglected.. and am starting to wonder if I should go to other guys for comfort. It's really confusing. | Bf won't play with me anymore because my friends and I suck. Makes up excuses and plays with his friends. Skype calls are usually silent and it makes me question our relationship.. |
t3_11t7i1 | relationships | Is this normal? | So, I am a female 21 years old, my boyfriend is 23. He is AMAZING and we have been together for what's about to be 1 year in January. We're both in universities with pretty difficult majors but my bf is definitely much more focused than I am - mostly due to the fact that I am still not 100% sure about what I want to do and he is super passionate. Well, literally ALL he does is school work. I also do very well in school and my own hobbies and I understand, we both want to be successful but things have become pretty dull. Yesterday was awkward on the phone as we both hung up admitting there was not much else to say. Is this a normal stage of our lives considering the circumstances or are things really just getting dull? Am I being too needy or not understanding by wanting to see him more?
Also, this has been affecting our sex life. I'm starting to feel dissatisfied by how little of it we have. Now I feel so awkward not understanding signals since I don't want to be rejected. I'm afraid to initiate anything. I'm super self conscious about even seeing him now since I feel guilty about taking time away from his studies. I'm considering leaving him alone. | Things have become pretty dull between bf and I. Not sure if it's because something's wrong with us or if it's inevitable due to circumstances. |
t3_1gdyiw | relationships | My (20 f) boyfriend(22 m) just hit me in front of all of my friends but I think it was an accident. Still upset. (1 year and a half) | Uhg okay so this just happened and I'm tipsy so excuse me for not making sense but I'm really upset and I'm not sure if I should be. 1 year and a half relationship (FYI MODS). Basically my boyfriend and I have a very nice, kind and gentle relationship except for when it comes to sex, then it's BDSM-ish (I submissive, he dominant).
Anyways, we were drinking with friends and we were talking about BDSM kinda of and he was teasing me and slapped me on the back (really hard, made a loud noise). Thing is, I don't think he meant to hit me that hard because usually I'm okay if it's a little pat, and I also think the alcohol was taking over because he is extremely gentle- but also it's never been on the back and I've had physically abusive ex's and he knows it (abuse outside of bedroom play) upsets me.
Anyways, I brushed it off but since I have a chronic pain disorder he basically triggered a fair up and I started to feel extreme pain and frustration since I was slightly more drunk than I am now. Then my other friend started to get defensive with me (over something else) and everyone was talking and I just couldn't handle the pain + too much noise + someone yelling at me so I stood up and shouted "okay! I'm leaving!" (yeah I know, kind of immature)
Now I'm sitting in my boyfriend's room because I can't drive anywhere and I have no friends (other than the ones here tonight) in the area since I live a few cities over.
Thing is, I'm not sure what I'm really upset about. I'm not sure if I have a right to be upset?? If you know what I mean. Don't know where to go from here, but emotions are high and I am not feeling okay at all. | Boyfriend hit me, didn't mean to, still am upset, have no idea what to think. It's better if you read the whole thing to get a better understanding, can't really sum it up. |
t3_cgvna | AskReddit | When redirects go bad, or crime on the Internet. | This is something I was thinking about for a while now and was wishing to get some opinions on. In real life events that preceded and follow a crime are generally of a local nature. In other words, if you see a crime being committed it usually happens right in front of you and you know immediately to call the police and they should be able to handle it from there. The crime happened, you saw it, and had no active role in it.
With the Internet however, things can spring up on you that muddy the waters, and I'd like your input. What follows is a hypothetical situation.
Joe logs into his PC and starts browsing the Internet. He finds an interesting link on a reputable site that leads him to another site, that while it is not as well known, is still a safe site. Then he finds a link to an FTP site that is offering free access to upload and download files. Joe logs in, downloads some cute pictures of cats and maybe a movie or two. He notices a file called "BBC wildlife documentary". Upon downloading it, he realizes this is in no way a BBC production but something far worse, say Child Porn. He informs the FTP site owner who traces the IP to an Internet anonymizer network and immediately deletes the files and bans the IP and network.
So what should Joe do next? Since he didn't know what it was, and it was reported to the owner of the server, does his duty as a human being end, or should he call the police?
I ask this as a moral or ethical question, not necessarily a legal one since laws change.
What do you think?
In summation ( | ), Joe found something illegal, reported it, it was deleted and the source is difficult to trace, possibly spanning several countries. What should he do next? |
t3_19cz7a | AskReddit | How have your views on employment and employment searching changed? | In the past I was very ruthless in criticizing people who were unemployed and could not find work. I would call them lazy and boast that it was easy to find a job in this economy.
Four months of unemployment later I find myself in the same boat. I am struggling to find anything that pays over $8 an hour. I have worked part time here and there but nothing like a stable job. My question for you is, how have your views on employment and employment searching changed? Has it made you a kinder person and put it into perspective or has it made you a cynic, etc.? | I once thought the unemployed were lazy but now see that it is a struggle to find a job in this economy. How have your views on employment and employment searching changed? |
t3_107zqw | AskReddit | Landlord failed to let Con Ed guy into building to read our meter for 6 months, today we get a bill from Con Ed saying we owe twice the amount as they estimated. How would you handle this reddit? | Long story short, my 3 roommates and I have been living in this apartment since last october. We got a bill today from the electric company saying they **'estimated' our consumption incorrectly for the past 6 months** and apparently we were using almost twice the amount we 'thought' we were using/paying for. Now Con Ed (our electric company) says we owe them twice the amount for the 6 months we didn't know we were using so much electricity.
Our meter is not in our apartment and our landlord who doesnt live in the building failed to let the guy in to read the meters since **March**. We have our account set to autopay so we wouldn't have to worry about it and now they are saying to take it up with the landlord.
BTW we live on the 2nd floor above a starbucks so we couldnt have even tried to find the meter even if we wanted to.
Our lease is being renewed next month and our landlord is raising the rent by $100/month, hes a generally nice guy, and we already contacted him but haven't heard back yet today.
Any advice reddit? | Landlord never let in Con Ed guy, they said we used twice the electricity in the past 6 months, now they say we owe them for electricity we weren't aware we were using. |
t3_4e3agx | relationships | Me [25F] tried to hook up with this guy [24M] and it did not go so well | So I am kinda desperate for advice.
I really like this guy, he is really muscular and he works as a personal trainer at a gym. I have met him a couple of times and he is really sweet, he talks alot about how proud he is of some of some of his clients when they come to him and lose weight.
I saw him at a club Last Friday Night and he was standing there all by himself and I went up to him. It was like a long time no see type of deal, and I actually wanted to hook up with him.
We went outside and we were speaking and after a little while I decided to make a move on him. He kinda pushed me away and said
" I get enough of this shit in there, I sure as hell don't need it out here, especially with someone I thought wanted to have a friendly conversation, I don't do hook up's and I never will"
He walked off and I told my friend what happened and she scolded me at first and she told me that he was the result of a drunken hookup and his mom never really wanted him, so he did not have any parents growing up. He was only at the club because his friend did not want to go alone
I have his number in my phone and I want to call and see if we could meet up for at least a coffee but I have no idea what to say to him | Tried to hook up with a guy, did not go so well and I want to call and see if we could at least meet for a date but have no idea what to say |
t3_1ocdf5 | relationships | How can I [30 M] introduce to my GF [27 M/F] the concept of being more "intellectual" in a nice way? | My girl friend likes really stupid ass reality shows like real housewives and reads Hollywood gossip magazines.
She doesn't have a job and does the bare minimum to help around the house and its the cause of a lot of friction when she sits around watching a show that does no amount of self improvement when there are chores to be done and bills to be paid.
I actually don't even mind working while she goes to school or reads some psychology books or books on pet care, but she shows really no desire to get into academic pursuits even though I've asked her to several times. "Its too boring, I'm trying to relax" seems to be the default response.
We've been able to get along b/c of the physical attraction and we know each other's family very well, but lately I've noticed that aside from "small talk" we don't really have much topics of interest in common.
Now that's fine if she doesn't like what I like. I'm not expecting her to, but it would be pretty cool if she was more receptive to reading something more academic that would help her go to veterinary school so that it would help improve not only her life but ours as a serious family unit if we're to become engaged and married (we're coming to the next step of the relationship hopefully some day)
However if we can't find any more common ground I'm afraid that our relationship might fizzle. Women, what are your thoughts on this? | GF watches and reads dumb shit. How do I ask her to find more topics of intellectual interest and not be mean about it. |
t3_12weeu | BreakUps | The dreaded break only 5 or so months in [22m] + [21f] | So the mods over at /r/relationships suggested my post be here instead. I'll summarize rather than go into extensive detail.
I met a girl over the summer who was at the tail end of a four year long rocky, partly long-distance relationship. We worked together, spent buttloads of time together, and inevitably fell for each other.
Eventually, she broke up with the bf, and was hesitant to jump into a new relationship so soon. She said that she really cared about me, and that she didn't want me to just be the "rebound guy." She said she needed time to herself to grieve the relationship and whatnot, but instead of cutting off contact at this point, I stuck around and acted normally. Instead of taking time to herself, she made our relationship official to appease me (it was something I had been asking for).
About two weeks ago, while the hurricane in New York obligatorily separated us (she's in Manhattan, I'm in Brooklyn), she ended up telling me that she was feeling overwhelmed with the loss of power and whatnot, and that she wanted the time to herself that she hadn't received in the first place.
I know what you're thinking, but I don't believe I was just the shoulder to cry on--I believe these feelings are legitimate, and the optimist in me thinks it will work out. As of now, I'm playing the no contact card and doing some grieving myself. We both love each other, and she promises that we'll eventually get back together, but she warns that she can't give me a timeline as to when that will happen.
I know what you'll say--that I should continue no contact, move on, and give up on her. I firmly believe that this girl will play a role in my future. She keeps saying that she's sorry for having to do this, but needs to be single for a bit.
Am I crazy for thinking there's a chance this will work out? Right now, I feel devastated, but holding on to a shred of hope. | Gf needs time to grieve about a four year long relationship before getting serious with me. I'm holding on to hope a break is just a break... |
t3_2he3h0 | relationships | Girlfriend [f19] has spat on me and hit me [m19] before, I think I'm in an abusive relationship but I have no idea on how to get out. | We have been dating for 2 years and the last year was dreadful for me. She has called me the worst boyfriend in the world, an idiot, brain dead, stupid, retarded, a cunt, and pretty much every word there is. I recall her hitting me twice before and she spat on me once out of anger because I didn't want to talk to her and didn't return her calls.
I'm now at the point that I'm too scared to talk to anyone and too scared to breakup with her. Every time I try to she cries and says how she will change or she blames me, and I always give in being the idiot I am. Im starting to think I'm in an abusive relationship and I need help because I'm stuck.
My friends and family tell me to break up with her but they don't understand how hard it is for me, even though we have our rough patches I hate hurting her.
I'm at the point that I become upset at nights and have too many thoughts in my mind. What should I do? Who should I talk to? How can I end it? I have so many questions but I have no idea on what to do with myself. | I'm starting to think my girlfriend is emotionally abusive to me and I'm too scared to do anything, I don't know what to do. |
t3_305qsf | relationship_advice | I'm [21f] worried about my boyfriend [22m] | My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two and a half years now and living together for most of that. He used to have a high stress well paying job working 50 hours a week while going to community college full time and did very well. He had almost a 4.0 GPA and was motivated to do well. He got laid off from that job about a year and a half ago and now works in the kitchen at a country club near us and does online sales part time where I work. He transferred to a big 4 year state school and has turned into a totally different person. He has no motivation to do anything, has a terrible sleep schedule, and has gained a LOT of weight. He gets cranky extremely easily and i feel like I have to tip toe around him a lot. He sleeps random and long hours - yesterday he slept from 6pm to 11pm, then 5am to 10am. Woke up late for school, skipped to classes, then moped around talking about how he wants to drop out of school. Because of his bad sleep schedule, he eats crap food a lot after I go to bed. I'll wake up and find plates all over the room, the kitchen a mess, and wrappers all over the place. He's probably gained at least 30lbs since he started going to the state university and while I don't care about appearances, I'm worried about his health.
I'm not sure how to talk to him about all of this. All the time I ask him what's wrong or to talk to me and he wont open up. I need to lose weight myself and offered to get a membership for us to share to the gym literally next door to where we work and he said no. I encourage him to do well in school and that it will be worth it in the end and he doesn't respond. If I try to wake him up for school or work or because he's been sleeping the day away he gets angry with me.
I need help and I don't know what to do or where to begin. | My boyfriend who was once doing well with work and school is now extremely unmotivated, sleeps all the time, and has gained a lot of weight and I don't know how to approach him on all this |
t3_2dssd7 | relationships | Breaking up with live-in partner. Help. | Okay,
ME: 25/m, HER: 25/f.
So I've decided (I think), that I am going to end things with my partner. We've been an item for almost 4 years, and have lived together through most of that. Currently we have our own rented place. We're mid 20's.
Reasons for separation are various, but boil down to the relationship having run its course. There is no animosity or ill-will here, its just not working (for me at least), and I do not see things changing. I also feel like I am still young, and (cue cringe) need to be on my own a bit while i become an adult, while i "find myself", before becoming part of a couple.
In the past when I've been in a relationship that's ending, I've never had the added complication of living with the person. So I guess I am asking for advice, tips, personal accounts and so on.
Partly I am also trying to build confidence to bring this up in the first place. Its daunting, but needs to be done. Thanks. | I want to break up with my partner, we live together, this complicates things. Can you give me some advice? |
t3_1q3ha7 | offmychest | I haven't cried for multiple years until now.. :') / :'( | When I stumbled upon this song: I suddenly burst into tears, I am still listening and crying as we speak. I suddenly realized what I have been hiding from myself all these years and that is. That I wanted to kill my self, but somehow I didn't I don't know why and I am trying to remember. But the fact that it could've been me in that video he was singing about makes me tear up. I feel so happy and sad at the same time and I am really confused.
I don't like killing myself now, but I used to and I hate it. I felt really numb for the last 5 years and suddenly I feel real emotion again. I just wanted to share this and I am still trying to figure out what's happening.
Anyone with a similar experience? | didn't cry for 5 years because I stacked up all teh emotions and hid them far away in a corner. Experiencing these emotions because of a song reminds me of them. Feeling happy and sad. |
t3_dox9w | AskReddit | Hey Reddit: Am I destroying my life because of a girl? | Hey redditors, back in highschool I was in love with this cute girl, I was not in good shape aka obese, I worked hard for 2 years and shed off 25kg from my weight, I thought the it could work out this time, it was the first time in my life I feel great, healthy and look good. Well turns out she had a boyfriend while flirting with me for 6 months, so fuck that.
Well I brushed that off and atleast I'm not in a better shape, until now, same thing happened to me again (FEMALES FFFUU), I thought fuck it, nobody wants me even when I look good and bad, I started binge eating for 6 months and now I'm sitting at home, play games all day and I haven't gone out for atleast 4 months (excluding groceries etc).
I like it this way, its comfortable for me but at the same time, I feel like I'm missing out. | Went on diet for girl, heartbroken, heartbroken again and decided that fuck it, I'm staying home and playing games all day/ |
t3_23v0n9 | relationships | My [25/F] new bf [29/M] of 1.5 months might move to Washington D.C. this summer. Help with our first struggle? | Hello r/relationships,
I started dating this amazing man for just a month and a half now. Things have been going great, but we are still at the stage of discovering more about each other.
Yesterday, he let me know that he finally has the opportunity to apply for his dream job in June. If he gets it, he has to move to Washington D.C. for 2 years. (We are in Vegas).
I told him to go for it, as I support his dream (and truly do, no matter what). However, our relationship is so new, I'm not sure how to deal with this. He will be back in town on Sunday and I would like to make a plan with him. For example, if he gets the job, maybe I transfer schools there in the Spring, we try long-distance or something else.
How can I approach this with him? Because this is still new, I'm not too sure what to expect or prepare for. To be honest, I'm really sad about this. | New bf is leaving town (maybe). How do I talk about this with him as our relationship is so new? |
t3_4q41ie | relationships | My [30F] boyfriend [30M] says he's cool with me having male roommate [30M], but my family thinks it will lead to trouble | My lease is ending soon and I've asked my best friend, Joe [30M] to move in. We've been close for about 4 years, and I think we would get along very well as roommates.
Before asking Joe to move in, I had a discussion about it with my boyfriend, Alex, of 1.5 years. I think Alex is awesome and I don't want to do anything to jeopardize the relationship we're building. In the interest of full disclosure, I confessed that Joe and I kissed a few years ago, but that was it. I have zero romantic interest in Joe. Ultimately, Alex was supportive and said he was cool with Joe moving in.
Since then, my family (led by my father, [60M]) has intervened and said that this is a terrible idea, and if Joe moves in, I should consider my relationship with Alex over. My Dad says that Alex won't object because he's a good guy, but no man would honestly be ok with this no matter how much he trusts his girlfriend. He says I'm putting myself in a position where things can go wrong.
My family doesn't usually comment on my relationships, so I take their advice very seriously. I told Alex what they said, but he brushed it off and said he really doesn't mind. I intend to talk things out with Alex again later this week, and probably show him this thread.
Is my Dad right? Is Alex just playing cool by not objecting? Should I tell Joe he can't move in? Is it possible that Alex actually is cool with Joe moving in? Help! | My bf says he's comfortable with my male friend moving in with me, but my dad says it is a huge mistake. |
t3_4pg7di | relationships | My Wife has Feelings for another man [M26] F[26] | Earlier this week when I came home from work I found My wife of almost 2 years (we've been together for 7 years) sitting on the couch with nothing on. I turned on the light and asked her what was wrong. She then told me that she has been unhappy with our marriage for a while now, and did not know what to do.
We talked for about an hour about the things that have been bothering her. We have been struggling with getting pregnant and she has had two miscarriages in the past 5 months. She told me that she feels as if she can no longer talk to me. After we talked she left and did not come home until 3:30 A.M.
We talked again last night and she told me that she has developed feelings for a guy she works with at her weekend job. She told me that the night she left she went over to his house to talk to him, and that nothing has happened but the two of them almost kissing one time. Her feelings for him are strong enough that she is considering moving out.
Since all of this first went down I have been working on talking with her every night about how she is feeling, and how I am feeling about the everything, but after she told me about this other man I feel lost. I want to be with her, but there is another part of me screaming to leave. If anyone has any advice it would be greatly appreciated. | Wife and I struggle with getting pregnant, lack of communication in the relationship, she confesses she is unhappy, and that she has developed strong feelings for another. |
t3_evvwh | AskReddit | i think that a girl may be using me for a trophy fuck | To get things started, I'm not pretentious or self-absorbed by any means. By trophy fuck, I don't mean what you guys are more than likely thinking... handsome, etc. It has nothing to do with my looks or my personality.
Anyways, on Facebook quite some time ago this girl added me, I've never met her before, and I never really accept strangers. Although we had no mutual friends, she lived about an hour away and was extremely cute. Well, Facebook chatting leads to one thing, and we ultimately started hanging out together. Anyways, we started 'finaggling', or 'hooking-up', and next thing you know we had sexual intercourse a couple times over a few weeks. Anyways, today I was talking to her about the motives behind her adding me on Facebook. I realized that she was looking for someone who has the same name as me "Tom ****", a pretty generic name. But here is the kicker, the kid Tom she was looking for has the same exact name as me, including middle name, and he took her virginity. I am now inevitably thinking that I have been used as a trophy fuck, for that is one hell of a fucking coincidence to fuck two guys with the SAME names. I mean, I've had sex with girls with the same last names, but fuck, not first last and middle names.
Anyways, Reddit, do you think I should call her out and get mad at her for doing this? Or do you think it's purely coincidental? My God, I'm starting to think she pursued me just because of my name hahah! Either way, I won't be upset, I just want to get to the bottom of this to decide whether or not to confront her. | Random girl adds me on facebook, turns out she was looking for kid who took her virginity with the same exact name, we start boning, and i think she may have only boned me because we have the same name. |
t3_4qjdgb | relationships | My [16 F] long-distance boyfriend [18 M] of 6 months, is leaving because I can't do anything about my mom's parental abuse. | I'm not sure how to format this, so I'm going to try to get to the point as fast as possible.
I have very, very few friends and a long-distance relationship with a really lovely guy. I've been having trouble with my divorced parents, my dad is unemployed and my mom is abusive. My boyfriend really hates seeing me upset and about a month ago in a bit of an argument, he told me that if I don't do anything about my mom hitting me he's going to cut contact. Despite how mean that seems, he's really a good guy and I depend on him quite a lot.
In the past month, my mother's only gotten worse and earlier tonight I told him about it. He's giving me until tomorrow to call the police or do something about it or he's going to cut contact. I can't call the police because I don't have any good relatives except my father, who cannot support my sister and I. If I call the police, we're going to be taken into custody or something and I really can't choose between keeping him and not leaving everyone else.
My current plan is to wait until my dad finds a job so I can be put into his custody, but my boyfriend wants me to act now. I'm just not sure what to do to stop him from leaving. | I need a way to convince my boyfriend I'm trying to stop my mom from abusing me until my dad gets a job. |
t3_3jid5h | relationships | Best friend (24M) acting crazy after being dumped by girlfriend (24F) | My best friend recently got dumped and his behavior is starting to get concerning. He seems to think the breakup is a test from his ex. She has been rather confusing and is bad about expressing her thoughts. However myself and another mutual friend have hung out with her since the breakup and it is apparent she is done. I have told my best friend he needs to move on but he basically is ignoring everyone's advice. He has even been lashing out at friends.
He works with his ex which is a bad thing. The breakup is going on 2 weeks tomorrow. They were together a year and a half. Yes that is a decent amount of time and I understand he is upset. But he is almost starting to become obsessed with winning her back. He wrote her a long letter and then told me he was also working on a book for her. I am hanging out with her today and he knows this. She posted on Facebook a couple days ago a cake recipe saying it looked good. He proceeded to make this cake for her and wants me to give it to her today when we hang out. The ex is completely done and is honestly getting freaked out by his behavior. Also she hates cutesy things such as that. His actions have pushed her completely away as previously she said she wanted to remain friends with him but now does not even want that. I want to help him move on but he seems to not care about what you say unless you are telling him to keep trying. Does anyone have advice? I don't want to tell him he is acting stalkerish but he kind of is. He has done a lot of other inappropriate things and the way he is talking about the situation is raising flags for me. | best friend is acting really irrational and won't accept being dumped. Keeps trying to win ex back by doing creepy things |
t3_t8zt5 | AskReddit | Mom might want a divorce, what can I do? | So I'm not very experianced on asking for help so ill just jump into it.
Some background information; I'm a guy, and I'm 15 years old. My mom has arthritis all throughout her body, it's to the point where she cant even bend down and pick something up off the floor, she thinks that going to a warmer climate will help her we live in Portland Oregon. My brother and I try our best to help out around the house so she doesnt do all the work, and we're really close. My dad and I have a very close relationship, we've discussed everything, my becoming an atheist exc. my family is really close to each other, we all loved each other a lot and were really happy, but now... I don't know.
For the past couple of years, every time my brother and dad are away, my mom confides in me. She tells me things that no one else knows. In the past couple of months however, shes started saying things like "shes leaving" or shes "going down to California". I generally get advice from my brother on how to handle these pretty intense situations, not telling him the details, but with everything that's been happening in the past couple months, i don't know what to do. With my mom crying, or throwing stuff around the house, or being extremely emotional to the point of breaking down in front of me, I'm completely at a loss for words. So today, after a particularly intense couple hours, my mom catches me putting away my phone. She asks, "Did you tell your dad what happened?" I said no, saying that I told him to take her on a VERY romantic dinner tonight, which usually helps her after a very hard week. She looks me in the eyes, hers still red and watery after crying and said that its too late, and it wouldn't help anything. I've always thought my parents had a great relationship, they never yell, they never argue, and they seemed genuinely happy, but now... I don't want my parents to split up, and I don't know what to do. | My mom might want to get a divorce and move down to California, my dad and brother don't know, there might still be time to save the relationship, but I dont know what to do. |
t3_232lj7 | relationships | I (25f) want to drive 1000km to tell my ex(24m) I made a mistake and want to move for him. | Ok, so a few months back my BF of 3 years got a job offer 1000km away. I've never left the city I live in. I was very reluctant to say yes because I'm also very close with my niece(5yrs) and my nephew(2yrs) and I didn't want to leave them. I said still said yes and I only lasted a week.
I know, kind of pathetic. I was overwhelmed and scared. I wanted to go home and just take a break to process everything and make sure it was the right choice. He was insulted I couldn't just move 1000 Kim's for him. Things got heated and I ended leaving him and coming home on Friday. I immediately regretted it, I feel sick eating, I'm stressed and can't sleep and I'm really really sad. He won't take my calls. I'm beyond heart broken. I want to drive there and knock on the door and make some grand gesture. Tell him I'm an idiot and want to come home. Is this completely insane? | Lost bf because I was scared and too overwhelmed by our move 1000km away. Bf won't talk to me so I want to drive to him to tell him I want to move for him. Completely insane? |
t3_urnws | relationships | Friendship or Drop Out | Quick story: meet girl with bf at time became friends about a year and a half ago, she came on to me, great sex and fun for like two months then dissolved that away, she lost her bf, got involved with another friend of mine I was offended and dropped out of our relationship. She came back made dues. She is way less promiscuous after the last fuck up she made. But I still find her attractive and she still comes over you know and stays a night here and there. Can anyone relate to a female friend coming over and around when she is on her period and in a down state of mind? I really enjoyed how she came on to me and we were very compatible sexually with the exception of my more frequent sex drive.
I'm confused, I don't need any more best friends and she wants me to be hers. Any thoughts are appreciated. How do I go about telling her I don't want to be just friends?
[M/23] [F/21] | she wants to be just friends and I don't; How do I go about telling her I don't want to be just friends? |
t3_u9b9m | AskReddit | Hey Reddit! I'm moving apartments soon - how do I tell my current flatmate they can't rely on me to find them space at the new place? | The situation is thus:
At the moment I'm living with two other girls ('Sue' and 'Lesley') in an apartment in the middle of the city. Our lease expires at the end of June.
Sue has decided to go overseas to university for a year and leaves at the start of September, and is staying in the city until then working full time to earn money.
So Lesley and I have got another friend, 'John,' to come flatting with us, and the three of us are looking for a nice place in the suburbs. Sue keeps talking about how all she needs in the new place is a couch or somewhere to lay her head... But I really don't want that to happen because she'll be paying hardly any rent, if at all, wherever she does sleep will have all of her stuff, and it's not fair on us when we just want to set up a home for ourselves. She's relying on us to find a house that either has an extra bedroom (in which case we'll be screwed trying to find a fourth flatmate when she leaves) or a large lounge.
Also bearing in mind that our new semester starts at the beginning of July, so she'll be there for that first month of classes taking up space.
The problem is that I'm really non confrontational and neither are the others. | Need to break the news that third flatmate can't come with me and second flatmate when we move to our new place, because she's going to ditch us in a month to go overseas. |
t3_4x6gts | relationships | Me [19 F] & my friend [20M] he's a great guy, I want us to be friends? | My guy friend, I'll call him Jake. He's a really great guy. We're just friends. Have been for 6 months now. Out of the blue, He texted me saying he wants to eat my ass. I cut off all contact with him telling him it's best we don't talk anymore.I was disturbed at what he said to me, even disgusted but it's in the past (months ago) & I want us to be friends again but when I approach him he doesn't even look at me & seems to actively avoid me. Not sure what to do? why is he behaving this way? | I want us to be friends again but he doesn't even look at me when I try to talk to him & not sure if I should give up or what? |
t3_2zvi1p | relationships | My [26F] SO [28M] didn't message after a night out.. | I've been with my boyfriend, Ryan, for 2 years. We're currently in an LDR, because of his work. Thursday night, Ryan went out for drinks with some guys from work. At around 7PM, he sent me a text, telling me that he was heading out to the bar, and that he'd message me when he got home. I went about my evening, and thought nothing of it.
I woke up around 5am (3am his time), and saw that he hadn't messaged me. My mind immediately went to all the worst-case scenarios, because he always messages me when he says he will, and I called him. I wasn't worried that he was cheating or anything, but I was scared that he didn't make it back to his place. I know I shouldn't have, it looks super clingy, but I was a little worried because it just wasn't like him. He picked up, drunk, and we talked for a little bit. He explained that he simply forgot to message me, and he was alright.
Today, we had the chance to talk. He apologized for worrying me, and admitted he was in the wrong for not messaging when he said he would. However, he seemed a bit annoyed by the stunt I pulled. I told him that it wouldn't happen again, and that I probably didn't win any girlfriend points by phoning him, and he didn't disagree.
I feel awkward, stupid, and clingy. I've been in a bit of a funk lately, and he's had to put up with me feeling sad, missing him. I constantly worry that I'm not good enough for him by being far away. I feel like I'm sabotaging my relationship, and I'm not really sure how to turn it around - or if it seems like he's already got one foot out the door. | LDR boyfriend said he'd message me after a night out, didn't. Got worried and called him, and I feel like I'm sabotaging my relationship |
t3_xifl6 | relationships | How do you deal with emotional manipulation? | Me and my friends, bot guys, both 19,been friends for 10yrs, got into a little tiff the other night. I'm home for the summer back to me my first year of college, and he just graduated high school.
Earlier in the day, we had talked and I had asked him what his plans were for the night, and he said he had a softball game but suggested we hang out after dinner, I agreed.
Later that night, around 5ish, he invites me over for dinner, and I decline, saying that I had asked my parents to make a certain dish that night, but still offered to come over after. He said don't bother, then tested me later saying that was an asshole move. I said it wasn't, I was going to be home when my parent made a dish I requested, and the argument devolved from there.
He cited that he just wanted to give his mom come company tonight, and that he's been over at my house a lot this summer (his gym is 2min away, so he swings by afterwards often.) he then said I wasn't putting any effort into the friendship (I took him camping with my family that weekend,) and that I never try to make plans with him, only the other way around. Then said count me out.
I told him that I hardly have plans and he knows it (my friends are all over the country for the summer) and that he often does, but I still ask him what he's up to. I then agreed to come to dinner (poor move) and he said no don't, I need to cool off.
Before when I've declined similar invitations for similar reasons, he's gotten mad as well, even though he does the same thing all the time. He is leaving for 2 years (jesuits) in a week and a half, so he might be anxious, but I don't think that excuses this.
He's always been a manipulator and I haven't realized he does it to me till just now. How do you deal with emotional manipulation like this? Using his mother and citing poor effort on my part, when that's arguably untrue? I can provide any other details as well as text transcripts if needed. | declined friends invitation to dinner for legitimate reasons, starts using emotional manipulation on me, citing me as poor friend and I caved. |
t3_16h569 | loseit | So, I ditched the soda and ave tried to consume less junk (and just less food overall) since the new year and I'm stumped about the very little improvement. | I'm 5'10" and weigh 154-155 and I was hoping to lose atleast 3 or so pounds by now, but I haven't. I went from drinking 3+ sodas a day (I never drank water) to flavored water (propel zero). I quit cold turkey on the soda and went 12 days without it (I have like half a glass today. But I was at a restaurant with friends and ate only 1 thing) and have been trying my best to drink propel zero at least. Now I went from propel zero to nestle pure life flavored water and am hoping to make more progress soon. I work a job in retail at a wholesale store (very large.) and perform many different physical tasks such as pushing a row of 20 or more carts at a time for an hour or so, moving and handling a pallet full of wine, helping move half ton gun safes, moving mattresses and box springs, etc. (it's a workout). and I was hoping for some progress that way, but not much luck. | How can I make some real progress when I quit soda cold turkey, moved onto flavored water, tried to slow intake of junk and food in general, and work at a demanding retail job? |
t3_3oje20 | tifu | TIFU by not reading through my midterm | Last night I took my midterm exam for one of my classes in college. In class on Wednesday we went over the midterm, so I knew all of the essay questions that would be on the paper in advance. Since I knew the essay questions in advance, I wrote them before I started the exam, that way I could just paste the ones I needed into the exam and be done with it. Once I began the exam, I saw the numbers 1, 2, and 3, and without hesitation I copied my pre-written answers into these spots without reading whether the questions were in the same order on the test as they were on the worksheet we went over in class. I submitted it and didn't think to check this until it was too late. All of my essays answered the wrong questions, and I failed my midterm that is worth 20% of my grade. | Didn't read the questions on my midterm. Copied the answers into the wrong spaces. Failed midterm worth 20% of my grade. |
t3_1a4isy | relationships | GF[19] is upset that I[21] is not able to show affection all the time. | So a over a year ago I met my gf, then 18, and after some talking and what not we began dating. However I was in the military so I would only see her when I would come home, 1-2 times a month as I was only stationed 3 hours away from home. Fast forward to today a lot has changed. I used to sent her a lot of cute messages, and was able to spend all day with her because of me being on leave/vacation and just overall having a lot of free time.
Now I work roughly 30-35 hours a week and go to school full time Monday-Friday. I try to speak to her throughout the day but I get carried away with school and work as I deal with customers. So she feels neglected and telling me I've changed. I know it is much different than it used to be for sure, but with my schedule I am now I'm mentally and psychically drained. On my off days I try to do my homework first and then hang out with her. So usually we don't spend much time on my off days either due to the fact that she also goes to school.
So what should I do? I mean we've talked about it and she told me pretty much she feels neglected and I've asked for less hours at work to spend more time with her. I mean I don't think I'm the bad guy here for trying to improve my life, but I know where she's coming from I just have no clue how to handle this situation at all. Any advice?! | girlfriend feels neglected as I used to send her sweet msgs and spend a lot of time with her, now I work and go to school a lot and she's upset shes not getting any love and affection. |
t3_1b5oa6 | dating_advice | (28M) Met a girl (~25F); had great chemistry; made out; shared lots of affection; now no response | I met a girl a couple weeks ago and we hit it off immediately. We met a
second time and talked a lot, made out, asked each other good questions like how long we've been single, were both acting very affectionate, etc. She said she wanted to see me more and we parted.
After I texted her for the first time, it took her about 5 days to respond (the responses were positive and playful and warm). But after asking her to hang out, it's been about two days with no response. It's one thing to play it cool, but not responding to a direct hang out question is kind of annoying. What should I do? I don't like not knowing what's happening. I just want to know if this is going anywhere or not.
My options, as I see it, are to say something along the lines of 1) "If you don't really want to hang out, you can say so. I'm an adult; I'll be okay!" or 2) "Not really sure where you stand, but you have my number. Let me know if you ever want to do something."
I feel like 2 would be better in a way, to leave it in her court, but I really want to do 1, so I can get an answer and move on.
Advice? | Met a girl; had great chemistry; made out; shared lots of affection; now no response to specific question (in text) of hanging out this weekend |
t3_36qqnp | tifu | TIFU (or TMIFU) by accidentally getting high outside work | This happened monday this week. I work at a pub/resturant as a kitchen porter and assistant chef, and I had a double shift, 12-3 and 6-9. My house is a fair cycle away so by the time I finish I usually just stay and wait till my next shift.
So, halfway through my break I get bored and go outside the pub and have a cigarette. I start talking to a couple of the patrons (both about 40 or so) about random stuff like work, places everyone has been etc. and I'm getting into the conversation, not realizing I'm lighting one cigarette so soon after the other, to the point I smoke my self allotted 3 a day in the space of an hour.
This is where my fuck it starts.
I open my pack and realize I'm fresh out. I just say "fuck I've run out" and they turn to me and ask if I want one of their's. I shrug and say sure, thanking them all the way.
They pull one out of their packet (pre-rolled by them but not pre-rolled like you get in the packs) and hand it to me. I light it.
It's not tobacco.
After my first hit they tell me it's been "matured" (idk if that's a thing) for 12 years. I've never done weed before and I'm a bit nervous given I'm right outside my place of work and I have another shift in 2 hours. I hand it back and just say that "it's not my kinda thing but cheers anyhow."
10-15 minutes after talking about drugs I go inside after wrapping up the conversation. I sit down and promptly find my head beginning to spin. So I walked to the toilets with great care not to make sudden movements and promptly threw up in the toilets, before hobbling back to the empty restaurant, ashamed, to talk to my manager.
He call's me an idiot for getting in that altercation (in a joking manner), sits me down and gets me a couple sandwiches to try and balance me out. Ended up still feeling dizzy by evening but finished shift anyhow. | Smoked with strangers outside my work building, accidentally injected a whole marijuana, whitey'd out at work and now I'm the laughing stock of the staff (even more than usual). |
t3_2x767z | Advice | New position at work is mental torture! | I used to be a seasonal stock associate at a great store. I loved the work that I was doing, it kept me busy, moving a lot, and I could keep to myself for the most part while still getting a lot done. After the season ended, my (awesome) boss kept me on the schedule. I wasn't getting any hours for a couple weeks, then my boss texted me offering to give me more hours, but I would have to start working on the floor. I was hesitant, as I know my own limits when it comes to customer service, but I need the money.
Well, today was my first day after not being there for a couple weeks. I started working on the floor, as a greeter. I stood in one spot, and slowly walked around within 15 to 20 feet of that spot, greeting customers as they walked in and thanking them when they left. Making sure I looked right at them as I greeted them, floated around and made sure nobody was stealing anything... for 5 hours. Now, usually during a work day 5 hours can feel like minutes if you're keeping busy, and they did when I used to work stock. But christ, those 5 hours felt like 50 hours today.
I applaud anyone who can do this job with ease. You're truly amazing and must have so much patience. It. Was. *Agonizing* for me. Like I stated in the title, it was mental torture for me. Standing in one place, feet aching, feeling awkward and beating myself up after every customer I interacted with (like I said before I know my own limits when it comes to customer service/interacting with strangers, which I'd rather not get into that much).
I'd much rather do work that involves people NOT being too aware of my presence. I like to help out in the background, AKA working in the stock room. | I got hired as a greeter/floor person, I'm not cut out for it, I don't want to keep working there anymore. |
t3_3ajet3 | relationships | I [21M] feel like I have no control in the "thing" I have going on with my female friend [22F]. How do I get some of it back without being a d*ck? | We've been super close friends for about 5 months. We're almost on a relationship level I feel like, and we've both expressed our feelings for each other. For whatever reason we haven't taken it further yet.
I feel like the has almost _all_ the control in the relationship. If I text her and don't get a response for a while, I get all anxious and start wondering what she's up to (I don't _show_ that I feel that way, I'm not stupid) but I know that if she texts me and I don't reply, it doesn't bother her at all.
The same goes with making plans together. If she bails because something came up, it affects my mood for the entire day. I know that if I bailed, she'd just do something with a friend or find a way to keep herself occupied.
I guess the way things are going with her, directly affects the way I feel about myself and I'm getting tired of it. I'm pretty bored of feeling shitty because she's not as needy as I am. If I have a few hours to spare, I'll hit her up and text her for a while or try and arrange to do something, whereas she'd be happy to just spend those few hours alone.
What can I do to regain some control without being a dick to her? I read stupid dating advice online that tells guys to blow their girlfriend off on purpose, or tell her you're busy when you're not. I feel like that's just making myself seem like someone I'm not. This girl has feelings for me and we love each other's company, but she's just not as invested as I am. I want her to be the one who initiates contact and tries to make plans more often.
Any advice? | I feel like I have no control in my friendship/relationship because I'm the one making a lot of the effort and my self esteem is affected by the way things are going with her. What can I do to help myself? |
t3_r48ck | AskReddit | Reddit, What are things you and your gf/bf do for fun? [Outside of the bed ;)] | *I posted this about a week ago in the early AM, when no one was on. So I figured I could get more feedback if I posted at a decent hour.*
So for awhile now my girlfriend and I have been hanging out pretty often, which is good. But after a while you get kind of bored of just "chilling" at home and watching Breaking Bad, Community and other great shows and movies. So we have started coming up with more and more things to do that get us outside the house. Whether it be shopping, going for a walk, going to the movies or out for dinner.
But the problem is, she always comes up with the ideas for places to go, and for things to do. And just recently she opened up to me about the fact that she doesn't like to come up with ideas and that it hurts her that I cant think of anything to do. She feels like if I want to hang out with her, I should be able to come up with things to do. I've known deep inside me that this moment would come, but I wasn't prepared.
With most people this would be no sweat, you can think of fun stuff to do around your city, but for me its impossible. I seem to have this issue with finding things to do. (It may be because before a year and a half ago, all I did was sit inside and game / reddit). So I have absolutely no idea what to do, and I really don't want this to ruin our relationship as she means the world to me.
So my question reddit is: Is there anyone out there who can help me with getting over my issue and getting out of this slump of not being able to be "creative" or come up with things to do for fun? Does anyone else have this same issue as myself? I would really appreciate it if someone can help or give me some advice and save my life :). | My GF always comes up with the activities for us to do, and she says its time I start tossing up suggestions. One problem, I cannot for the life of me come up with anything fun or interesting to do. Help please?! |
t3_2esgwd | relationships | I [19 M] am trying to stay friends with my ex-girlfriend [18 F] like she said she wanted, but now she doesn't seem interested anymore | Background: Dated this girl since the middle of my senior year of high school, she's a year younger than I. We dated for a year and a half, this included many months of long distance while I was away at college. As a result of the distance, she felt like I wasn't giving her enough attention or affection, and to be honest, I wasn't.
She broke up with me in early July after this issue had been persisting for several months. It was probably the best choice even though neither of us really wanted to break up; it was just starting to become unhealthy. During the break up process, she says that she still cares about me and I'm her best friend and she wants to remain friends with me because we've shared so much during our time together that we shouldn't just cut each other off. I agree with all of this, despite the break up, I still care about her and love her (I think a part of me always will). I've never felt the same with anyone else as I did with her.
So fast forward a couple of weeks. I've kept communication to a minimum to try and let the pain ease a bit for both of us. Recently I've tried texting her and just trying to catch up and have conversations, but it seems like she isn't that interested in talking to me; she never texts me. I feel like she's stopped caring and that hurts because in our relationship, above all else, she was someone I could trust and confide in, a true friend.
So now I don't know what to do. Should I keep talking to her and wait for her to come around? Should I stop talking to her? I want to see her again (she goes to college near me) and hang out but I don't know how that would be received. My fear is that she's gotten to college and realized that she doesn't want me in her life, even as a friend. | Girlfriend broke up with me, said she wanted to remain friends and that she still cared about me but now she seems reluctant when I try to talk to her |
t3_4w12t6 | relationships | How do I [22F] gently tell my parents [61F/65M] that they are disturbing my privacy by posting about my life on social media. | I recently graduated from college and have been living with my parents for a few months while I work and save up to move out on my own. Additionally, I rarely post on social media. Maybe I'll put something up if I achieve something major or see a really important story, but it's around once a month at most. My parents, however, post to facebook multiple times a day and update their public on whatever they happen to be doing. This drives me crazy generally because I feel like they live more online than in real life, but the point that makes me super uncomfortable is that they tag me in things or will post about my achievements/whereabouts without consulting me first.
I'm not a total grump when it comes to people tagging me in things, not even with my parents. If I'm in a picture or doing something super fun with people, I'm normally fine with it so long as I get asked first (though, my friends are similar in that they don't post too much). It's not even that I'm embarrassed by my parents... I let my parents tag me in vacation photos, achievements that I myself have posted about, silly links they share, etc. But it's very uncomfortable for me when they post about places I'm going that I haven't necessarily told many people about, or tag me in comments on their public conversations with mentions to decisions I may be in the process of making.
I've mentioned to them in past that I don't really like being tagged too much in social media things, especially if it has to do with nonsolidified aspects of my life/my whereabouts when they're not with me/things I've done that I myself have no intention of posting to social media. In response, I've basically been guilted by them saying "you're just embarrassed by your parents! you don't like us! etc, etc" and then them going back to doing the same thing. They do this when I untag myself too. Additionally, as I am currently living at home, they know more about my life and are posting more which is starting to drive me crazy. What should I do to convey the gravity of my sense of public privacy to them? | Parents act way more like millennials than I do, post all the time about me/what I'm doing on social media. I feel it impacts my privacy and am not sure how to effectively tell them to stop without hurting their feelings. |
t3_3g66dd | relationships | I [26 F] went on a date with a guy [??M] who turned out to be married, do I tell his wife? | On Monday I met a guy in a bar and we hit it off pretty quickly, so we exchanged numbers. He told me he was only in town for a internship and he's leaving to go home next weekend. I figured a short fling might be fun so I agreed to go to dinner with him on Wednesday, where we kissed and made out but ultimately decided to have sex later (this weekend, in theory).
I hadn't looked him up online, didn't even Facebook stalk him, because I thought it would be fun to get to know him in person. But today I had a nagging feeling at work that there was something about him I needed to know, so I did some digging, found his wedding registry from last fall, looked up his wife, sure enough, they got married and as far as I can tell are *still* happily married.
I'm disgusted with him, and already sent him a message saying I found out he's married, I think he's disgusting, and I don't want to continue seeing him. But if I had a husband who was fooling around on me, or even trying to fool around on me, I'd want to know. So should I try to get in contact with his wife and let her know?
If I do, it won't be until he goes home. Doesn't make sense to tell her when he's still here, and she's home alone with this thing weighing on her for a week. When we met at the bar my friend noticed he was chatting up other women, so it's possible he's been quite the player while he's in town. | went on a date/made out with a guy who turned out to be married, wondering if I should tell his wife. |
t3_125oaw | running | Need help with a training plan - starting fresh with NEWTON GRAVITY shoes, running TWO half marathons in January. Is it possible? | I was injured over the summer and had to stop running for 8 weeks. Now I'm starting all over again, mostly.
I got the bright idea to try more minimal style running, because my form was crap, so I brought a pair of Newton Gravity shoes. I did NOT ease myself into them initially though, and hurt myself (couldn't walk for 5 days) - so now I'm building up slowly. I've been running every other day with them and up to 2.2 miles today. I've been running with my regular shoes (Brooks GTS 12) with pretty terrible form besides that, just to get my endurance up.
**I am running two half marathons in January, two weeks apart.** I've only run/walked one half before (due to heat could not run the whole thing safely). After I signed up for one, my gf signed me up for another as a challenge, not knowing it was so soon after. **So I'm worried about recovery.**
**Is it realistic to expect I can be ready to run two half marathons in a little over 2.5 months from now, using a pair of minimal shoes that I'm easing my way into?**
If so, **any idea of a training plan** to help me out? | minimal-runner newbie wants to know if he'll break his ankles trying to prepare for two half marathons in under 3 months from now with minimal shoes he's just getting used to, and how to do it if possible. |
t3_48ecbv | relationships | I [23M] live with my best friend's [23M] recent ex [23F]. They've been my best friends for 2 years, but their breakup created a huge rift in both relationships. | I lived with him when the relationship began 3 years ago and with her for the past year. During college, they became my best friends and we moved around together. The last few months they were on rocky terms, but kept it quiet and didn't even mention it when their relationship was over. When I did find out, I tried to console them seeing that they still had concern for how the other was doing, but instead I was iced-out. I want to be open and normal with the two of them, but both think I'm spying for the other and as a result are reserved. Instead of helping my closest friends through this tough time, I have grown further apart from them and now feel lonelier than ever. I understand/support that they want to move on and need to deal with their own feelings, but they don't see that I too feel like shit and just want my best friends to be open up with me again. I don't want to bring it up in a way that makes them feel worse about their breakup, but I want them to know I feel exiled. Should I talk to them or just let it be and hope that things get better with time? | I've lost my two best friends as a result of their break up and now feel isolated. Do I tell them how shitty I feel too or keep silent and wait for them to open up to me again? |
t3_215lam | relationship_advice | [23/m] How to break up with my girlfriend [27/f] without seeming like an asshole | Hey guys, I've been going out with this girl for just over a week. I'm not really feeling much of a spark in the relationship, and have been thinking about ending it for a couple of days. The problem is, she seems to have very strong feelings towards me, and is taking the relationship very seriously considering we've not been going out long (e.g. talking about things she wants to do with me several months down the line). Also, she recently told me her age, and that her only previous boyfriend had broken up with her after he found out how old she was, and was worried I would do the same. Obviously I don't care how old she is (and don't think it's a big age difference anyway), but now I'm worried that if I break up with her it'll seem like it's because of what she told me. I don't want to hurt her feelings too much, as obviously she seems to really like me. Thanks for any advice! | How do I break up with my girlfriend without it seeming like it's because of something she recently told me about herself? |
t3_3o73k3 | relationships | Me [27 F] with my partner [31 M] 3.5 years, partner got back in touch with female "friend" | A bit of background: Partner and I have been together for 3.5 years, and living together for almost 2 years.
He tried to hit on this girl when they were working together in mid-2012. I sort of confronted and warned him (we were only dating for 4 months back then). By end of 2012, he then changed jobs and did not meet that girl since.
3 years later (now), all of the sudden he contacted her and asked her out for work lunch twice this month (2 weeks apart). He didn't tell me about this. Normally for 1-1 lunch with female work friends, sometimes he would tell me, sometimes not. I don't really care either as I trust him and I know they are just normal work lunches.
The other day we went out and all of the sudden, he told me this girl was going to see Maroon 5. I was just saying wow tix must be expensive. I found it strange when he talked about her after 3 years so I went to this phone and knew about the first lunch he initiated.
As for the second one, I had half a day off work so I texted him for lunch in the city at around 1:30-2pm to give a bit of time buffer for public transport. He said he had meeting at 2pm so I cancelled it. I then got to the city at 12:50pm. I texted him saying I'm in the city buying milk tea but he didn't reply. That wouldn't be a hell of an issue as sometimes we didn't reply each other's texts if it's not important. But with female instinct, when he gave me his phone to reply to a friend's message, I took it as an opportunity to take a quick glance of his inbox. I found out he texted the girl for lunch 5 minutes after I cancelled him. This means he didn't reply to my milk tea text because he was having lunch with her then. That is the second lunch after 2 weeks of the first one. | Partner went for lunch twice last month with a girl he tried to hit on before after years of not keeping contact. Does it look normal? |
t3_3n0whd | tifu | TIFU by updating my iPhone | First post to Reddit so pls have mercy friendly people of Reddit
The new iPhone software update has fucked me over hard and it wasn't because I didn't read the terms and agreements and became part of Apple's new human centipede project. In this update, there is a setting called "wifi assist" where it basically uses your data when your wifi connectivity is low. Now, when you update your iPhone, this setting is automatically turned on. Now, to the fuck up. So, I'm back at home from school and I decide to mess around on my phone doing normal things like looking at reddit, watching youtube videos, cranking one out, and updating my apps before I have to do my homework. 2 hours into my phone session, I receive a text from my cellular provider saying how I have just used over 90% of the data for this month. Strange, my data month just started three days ago. I check my cellular statistics and then I see how I fucked up. So, now I have only 10% of my data for the month. I have a feeling I'm going to be going over this month. | I updated my iPhone, didn't check my data settings, have poor wifi connectivity at home, used my data inadvertently, now I only have 10% left. |
t3_2qttyf | relationships | My (24 f) Husband's (25 m) Best friend (25m) passed away suddenly. | I can't believe I'm writing this. My husband's best friend since grade school passed away very suddenly yesterday. He was just fine days before and now he's gone. I've known him since just after first meeting my husband and I consider him a friend of mine. But as heartbroken as I am, my husband... I can't imagine how painful this is for him right now.
My husband and I are both gamers and home-bodies. I myself only have a pair of real friends, but by husband only had his best friend. They were each other's other half. I would joke that he was cheating on his best friend with me. They'd be up till the wee hours of the morning gaming together even after his bff moved across the country.
I don't understand how he's just gone now. It feels so unreal.
I guess my question is how can I help my husband cope? He's been mostly stone-face and almost overly calm. It's been less than 24 hours since we found out. He had one moment where he broke down completely and sobbed, something I had never seen him do in the 6+ years of knowing him. I just hugged him without a word and he composed himself quickly and apologized, and I told him he never should say sorry for how he feels.
The biggest loss I've even known was my grandfather when he was well into his 80's. Never a perfectly healthy 25 year old. How can I best help my husband? Is there anything I can read that will offer some insight? Is there any advice I can follow?
Thank you | Husband's best friend/ bromantic life partner passed away very suddenly yesterday. How can I best be there for my husband? |
t3_33xpba | relationships | I (22F) just got dumped for being too thin | Over the past year I've lost the 60 lbs I gained in high school and have needed to lose since. I look and feel 1000x better but I am not okay right now even though this should be the happiest time of my life.
A week ago my boyfriend (23M) of 4 years dumped me because I am too thin for him now. I'd always known he liked bigger girls, but I thought the fact that we loved each other for so long would help mitigate that. Fuck, he was so supportive when I was losing weight, it feels like he was setting me up. Apparently he's a bigger chubby chaser than both of us thought and he couldn't deal with the lack of attraction anymore. He also managed to make a few rather hurtful comments about my lack of large boobs, though he wasn't trying to hurt me. I mean, fuck my increased health and happiness, right? Isn't it better for me to be near death so he can get off??
I could've seen myself marrying this guy but now I'm left heartbroken. I'm hotter than ever, I should not be reeling from just being dumped. My life is unquestionably better but instead of my soul mate, I have creepy Facebook messages from guys who used to make fun of me for my weight in high school. Joy. | I lost 60 lbs and got dumped by my chubby chasing boyfriend after 4 years. Feeling sad, bitter, and like my parade has been epically rained on. |
t3_345yo5 | relationships | Me 20/F with my boyfriend [20/M] of 2 years, what are some good gift ideas? | My boyfriend has gotten me gifts before (not pertaining to special occasions, but just because) and I want to do the same for him. However, I don't know what to get for him. I just want to get him something to surprise him and to show my appreciation for him. Like how boys sometimes surprise girls with flowers, is there an equivalent that girls can give boys? I was thinking about buying him some really good food, but I can't think of anything else besides food.
Yes, I know that I'm the one who knows my boyfriend best and that I should know what he likes, yadda yadda, etc. I just want to see what other ideas are out there.
Girlfriends, what have you given? Boyfriends, what have you received? | Boyfriend has gotten me gifts, I want to do the same for him but have no idea what would make good gifts for him. What are some things you have given/received before that you enjoyed? |
t3_uer4u | relationships | I need advice | I (f/19) met my SO (m/27) back in January. When we first met I told him i didn't want anything other than sex and i didn't want a one night stand either, after a week of just pure sex he decided he wanted more and i gave in but still stated i wanted NOTHING serious. Well in the beginning of March my lease was up and all the time we spent together it just made more sense to pay one set of bills than 2. Well now I fell in love with him. I've never felt like this before. We play around like little kids, we never argue or fight, we make each other laugh, and the sex is indescribable, I mean even our personalities match perfectly. The problem is i realize everything we have done has been moved fast but we still don't say i love you to each other yet, is that normal? | I live with boyfriend, know that Im in love with him, have hinted at it to him, but we still don't say it to one another, is this normal? |
t3_1ziett | dogs | Help! What else can I do? I'm totally panicking! (Fleas) (Long) | So, I agreed to dog-sit for some friends. After swearing to me that he was up-to-date with his flea prevention, I went ahead and brought him to my house. Within the first three hours I notice him itching... a lot. So I grab the flea comb and sure enough! A flea. So I go into Def Con Five. Unforunately it was like, seven at night so I was limited in my purchases. I ended up with Adams Home Spray, Sergeants Flea and Tick for Dogs, Pronyl OTC (Ugh), Hartz Home Flea Spray (Double ugh), and last but not least, Hartz Flea Carpet Powder. Allow me to give you the blow-by-blow.
Once home I (In this order):
Dosed my dogs with the Pronyl
Gave my roommates dog a flea bath with a 20 minute scrub and soak.
Vacuumed and sprayed the areas their dog had been in with a mix of Adams and Hartz
Applied Pronyl OTC to dry dog.
Sprayed remaining house with both Adams and Hartz
Applied Hartz Carpet Powder to Carpet and let sit 1 hour before vacuuming.
Washed ALL laundry and bedding (Pets and my own)
And I have been vacuuming every day since (Three days)
-----
I'm also waiting on some Virbac Knockout ES to arrive, which I KNOW works. Unfortunately, today my boyfriend went ahead and let the dog that had fleas on our couch... So, that got vacuumed three times.
But my question is, have I done enough? What other steps can I take? Should I go get some revolution or something from my vet for my dogs? I'm checking my dogs every day for fleas and so far so good... But I can't have another flea infestation. The last one took MONTHS to get rid of and resulted in a tape worm for one of my dogs. | Roommates gave me dog that had fleas. Dog that had fleas was in my home for approx~ three hours before I noticed. I am ready to burn my house down. What the fuck can I do? |
t3_2qcgxa | relationships | Me [26F] with my bf [29M] of about a year, I gave him a necklace for Christmas and he refuses to wear it, because he doesn't think that men should wear necklaces. I think its a subtle hint. | Hi all, I hope you're having a good Christmas.
Mine is a bit shitty. I've been dating M for a little under a year, and for Christmas, I thought id get him a nice necklace. It's pretty manly and rugged (dude at counter and straight male friend helped pick it out). It also has a plain pendant with 'M&M' engraved on it, on a plain banner type thing.
I put a lot of thought into this present and it was expensive, not that it matters, but he seems to hate it. He says he doesn't hate it, but he refuses to wear it because apparently, men are not supposed to wear necklaces.
Should I get over this and suck it up as a bad decision on my part? Should I return it?
Do you think he would wear it if he truly cared about me? I'm starting to think that he doesnt care about me at all... It's just a piece of metal, and he won't wear it. It's as if my gift to him is meaningless. I'm so hurt.
On the other hand, I don't want to force him into wearing it, as I would know he's only wearing it to please me, not because it is special to him.
Reddit, should I accept this as the fate of our relationship and dump him because he doesn't love me? | My bf won't wear the necklace I gave him for Xmas. Does this mean he doesn't love me? Should I end the relationship? |
t3_2sjopb | tifu | TIFU by screwing my friend over in Chemistry | My friend (we'll call him Dave) and I are both in the same chemistry honors class. After months of laborious efforts and grueling tests, we finally make it to the final. Both of us are hanging on to A-'s for dear life.
So we take the final, and we both proceed to pretty much bomb it. Sick. Now the grade I have in the class is an 88.57, which is a B+. Needless to say, as a 15-year old asian male living in one of the most demanding school districts in all of my state, my parents won't be happy to be getting that report card anytime soon.
Now fast forward about 4 weeks, to after winter break. Dave comes up to me and goes, "Hey man, what's your grade in chem now? I got bumped to an A-!" In a moment of shock, fury, panic (and hope) I meekly asked what his grade was. "88.57." The exact. SAME. GRADE. But while Dave had an A, I HAD A B+. As you may expect, I was pissed.
Sooo I go sprinting to my Chemistry teacher to ask her why in the world I have a B while my friend has an A when we have literally the exact same grade in the class. Turns out she made a mistake and accidentally gave him an A although the cutoff was supposed to be higher. She then went and gave both of us B's and "thanked me for letting her know" (crap).
He hasn't talked to me since. | asked my teacher about raising my grade in hopes of getting an A. accidentally went and dragged someone else's grade down with me. |
t3_18qm64 | relationships | I (m21) have been dating a girl (f20) for 5 months... She found out I looked at porn... | We've known each other for 5 years total. Flirted the last 6 months and have been dating the last 5. Because of college, our relationship has been long distance besides a few breaks. It's been going really well. I love this girl.
She asked me if I had looked at porn recently, and I said I had. I explained how I've tried not to because a)it really hurts girls and b) I don't like objectifying women like that.
Obviously she's hurt. Seriously hurt because she doesn't approve of porn because it makes her compare herself to the people in it. She wants to try to work through it, but isn't sure if she can.
How do I explain that it really isn't that bad compared to a lot of guys?
How can I salvage this? I'm over a 1,000 miles away. | GF and I dating for 5 months. She found out I had looked at Porn while dating her. Doesn't know how to work through it. |
t3_1k6mcp | dating_advice | [23M] Second date with [19F] is tomorrow. There's a situation coming up that I need some advice on. | My two previous posts are [here] and [here] in case you want some background.
I thought that after the first date, things went downhill since she was being distant and essentially ignoring me. Now, I'm the worrisome type. I over think things ALL THE TIME. Here was no exception. Not a day after updating the second post, she texts me, saying she was sorry for being distant, she's just been super busy, and asks me out to lunch tomorrow. Of course I say yes.
Now, I asked her out on the first date, she asked me out on the second. I know there's interest on my side, but I'm assuming now there is on her's as well. First of many questions, would you consider this to be a sign of such a thing?
Second, I'm leaving to go back to school on Saturday. The school itself is about 3 hours away, and I won't be back for an extended period of time until December. I do like this girl, and I don't want to just let an opportunity slip away (if there even is one).
So, my question(s) is/are:
* should I take the chance and ask her to be my girlfriend or no?
* Is it too soon to do so?
* Should I just see how tomorrow goes?
* Should I just keep in contact with her until I come home? She is thinking about going to my school in the future, and does plan on visiting the campus soon, but I'm not sure there would be enough time to really ask something like that.
Again, I'm very inexperienced when it comes to dating, so I'm not sure what to do in this situation. I understand the whole "be yourself" thing and all that, but this is a step I'm a little confused on. | went on 2 dates with girl, going away to school in less than a week, and wondering if I should just ask her to be my girlfriend now or wait a bit. |
t3_4rg2z4 | relationships | Me [25 F] with my boyfriend [28 M] 2 years, bachelor party questions | If this is in the wrong sub, please let me know!
My and my boyfriend's friend is getting married in October, and he's a groomsman. Therefore, he will obviously be going to the bachelor party. There haven't been plans made yet, but I'd say there's about a 70% chance a strip club will be involved.
Now, I'm not a huge fan of strip clubs, and neither is my boyfriend. He says he's been to them less than 10 times in his life, which I believe. He has nothing nice to say about the places, but he will want to go if that's what his friend's party turns out to be.
So, we discussed it, and he said he'd try to give any lap dances purchased for him to the groom-to-be, but if the groom refuses, it would be rude to completely refuse a lap dance. He did say that it's extremely likely he can pass-forward any "gifted" dances.
I then requested no private-room dances if he "has to" get a lap dance, but he said that's what a lap dance is; it's not in the open area. He also told me that he doesn't want a stripper touching him, or to touch a stripper, but I asked if a stripper put his hands on her boobs, if he'd refuse. He said he wasn't sure, because he doesn't want to be rude to the person who is literally just doing her job.
My question is, what exactly goes on in strip clubs, I guess? Is it true that it's rude to refuse a dance that was purchased for you? Or to refuse to touch a stripper? I'm okay if he goes and doesn't get a lap dance, but I'm not sure how comfortable I am with back rooms. I've read plenty of internet stories that most strippers will give actual hand jobs, or even blow a guy for enough money. | Boyfriend will likely be going to a strip club for a bachelor party. What do they entail? Is refusing services "rude"? |
t3_42zht7 | jobs | Changes to office dress code - Change to working conditions? | So today I found out there is apparently going to be a newly implimented office work code - shirt/trousers/shoes
It's nothing THAT unreasonable compared to other workers (and I know people have to wear stuff alot worse than this to work....) and I can see reasons for it being applied across parts of the office. My concern/issue is that the boss seems to change things at his leisure and this is the latest. He also takes advantage of staff; getting younger employees to do "favours" outside of hours etc... a few months ago he changed the lunch rules so everyone in the office had to take 1 hour... (meaning everyone finishes later, but is in the office for almost the same length of time - my contract had 1 hour already so it didn't affect me)
When I joined I was told 'wear what I'd wear to university'; so I wear along the lines of 'smart casual' - jean, tshirt and a nice jumper (its cold so the jumper rarely comes off). | I look presentable and I feel comfortable - which is important as I have a bowel problems and being in uncomfortable clothes can be unpleasant at times. |
t3_1i7lp8 | relationships | I [23M] got feelings for a friend [18F] and now one of my other friends [19M] is going to date her | Over summer vacation, my friend (let's call him "Bill") has a neighbor that has a step-daughter (Jessica) that comes to visit over the summer.
Our group of 3-4 friends accept her as a friend in our group and we go out and do things together. My other guy friend (Roger) and I agree that we should not try and date her because that would create drama and break up our group. Secretly, I planned to try and win her over, but didn't really have a plan on how to do so.
Meanwhile, Jessica and Bill have been seeing each other on the side and have been texting each other for a few days. I was under the impression that Bill was also agreeing to this pact that we wouldn't try and date her.
But tonight I found out that they were going to start actually dating and I have no idea how to go about this. I realize now that I was doing too little too late and it's killing me. | My friends and I became friends with a girl, I got feelings for this girl, and now one of my other friends is going to date her. |
t3_1os4ck | running | Finally, Under 18:00 5k! | So yesterday was my cross country regional meet. I hadn't had a very good season, I'd been sick a lot and hadn't run under 18:25, despite running 18:12 last year as a freshman. So I was going into this meet pretty bummed. However, I was still ranked 3rd on my team, so if I didn't qualify for state by placing in the top 15, the team as a whole would probably qualify,so I would as well. Anyways, the course was totally flat, I ran about 1:30 PM, with a nice temperature. Still being a little sick, I went out very conservative, staying in about 25th place with a small pack of my teammates. I was surprised to hit the first mile at 5:38, and I was feeling good, so I (thought) I picked up the pace. During the second mile, I put about 15 seconds on my teammates, and moved from 20-something up to 12th. Again, I was extremely surprised, seeing as I had been sick most of this month. However, I hit the 2-mile at 11:38. I though I had sped up, but I had actually slowed down. Hearing that time, I actually picked it up, a lot. I picked off a pack of three about 40 seconds after going through the 2-mile, then hooked on another pack of 3. One of the kids in that pack and I pulled away from the other 2, putting me in 7th. There was about 800 left at this point, and I was going after this kid. With about 400 left, he kicked and was gone. With about 200 to go, I heard a good size pack about 50m behind me, and seeing as I was having such a good race, I had no intention of being passed. I'm not known for having a kick, but I kicked as hard as I ever had, crossing the finish at 17:18, in 7th place, and actually putting distance between me and the group following me. I have no idea how fast I ran the 3rd mile, but I estimated it was 5:15-5:25. Despite being a little sick, I had never felt better in a race, and I was as excited as I had been in a while. | After being sick most of the month, I dropped ~55 seconds from my all time PR and ~65 seconds from my season PR. |
t3_3g7d4u | personalfinance | Job A or Job B | Not sure if this is the right place for this but I'm in need of some honest advice and the decision determines my financial future.
I am a restaurant manager. I recently left a job(job A) to pursue new horizons. I didn't like the management structure there and felt that I had topped out my potential. The job I accepted(job B) is with a much larger company with serious potential for growth. The position I accepted with job B is to open a new restaurant and manage the kitchen.
Recently, my old boss at job A has contacted me saying that the power structure has changed significantly. There will be 50% ownership available soon and he would like to offer me to take the part owner position, provided I return. This restaurant does over a million dollars in business a year and has quite the cult following. However, they have no plan for longevity and I would lose healthcare and other benefits. This job would also result in a massive immediate pay increase with no guarantee for the future.
The choice is take the safe route, job B, which results in a guaranteed paycheck, benefits and room to grow within someone else's structure....or the gamble, job A, which is an immediate increase in pay(almost double) with no guarantee for the future, should we fail. | own half a multimillion dollar business before I'm 30 where my future depends on our success or manage a business in someone's corporation where I'm guaranteed a salary and benefits. |
t3_30ju1m | tifu | TIFU by looking like a desperate house wife. | So, yeah. I lift. I have a personal trainer. Who is also a friend. He regularly comes over to our house on the weekends and shit to hang. We go on double dates.
Oh yeah, and hes fine as fuck. Not essential to the story, but that kind of makes it worse for me. See, he pretty regularly gets sexually harassed by the lonely, sexually frustrated milfs he trains. Because of that, I maintain a pretty strict code of professionalism when it comes to the flirty shit, because I don't want to look like one of THOSE broads. I am happily married with two kids.
So, to my FU. My husband left for the weekend by plane early this morning. I sent him off the way a good wife does. Knowing his tastes, I wore a tight, white cotton shirt, no bra, and those pajama pants that hang off the hips, but cling to the ass. I am not a small chested woman, and its pretty clear what is missing. It did the job. I continued to wear this outfit long after he left, because it still smelled like him.
A little before noon, the doorbell rings. I rarely get uninvited knocks, and when I do, its either mormons, or something I ordered off off amazon. I fling open the door (figuring mormons and was feeling sassy) to see my trainer standing there, with his usual panty-melting smile slowly fading into that poker-face I have seen him make so many times when a woman is asking him something about his dick on the gym floor. I had left my gloves at the gym yesterday. He was politely returning them. He knows my husband is out of town this weekend. He quietly says "um. Nice shirt." And hands me my gloves. And leaves. | Personal Trainer thinks I left my gloves at the gym so that he could get an eyeful upon returning them while my husband was away. |
t3_2w4m9z | relationships | Me [18 F] with my boyfriend [23M] we've been together for 6 months and I suck at doing what he wants e.g. threesomes. | We've been together for 6 months, nearly 7 and he is the most dominant man I've ever met. I find this hard, because I'm extremely opinionated and won't back down without a debate...it causes issues to say the least.
He likes to be dominant in the bedroom, which I'm fine with but now is slightly pushing too much at the idea of having a threesome. It's feeling a little to pressuring and I'm not sure what to do. How to I give him what he wants, without degrading myself or ruining the relationship. Also, how do I maintain a relationship with a guy who is obsessed with threesomes!!! | How do I make my guy see that I'm not going to back down to his every need? He is too dominant and I'm not submissive enough. |
t3_1g8i04 | AskReddit | How do I feel after my girlfriend tells me I saved her from prostitution? | We were talking about random things and thoughts today when she send me a pic of these white laced stockings. Naturally I was drooling when she told me she had a pair but they were packed awy. After a little back story she tells me she got them 1) as a hand-me-down from her friend who 2) was/is an escort in NYC (the panties were hers, the stockings were given go her.)
Anyways she said she went to visit her friend there and said she was offered a job there a while back and she immediately took it back, embarrassed. I told her that since she spilt the beans she might as well entertain me with a story while she wiped them up. This was my first mistake.
She says that if she tells me I can't tell a soul and to never bring it up again, I agree and she continues to tell me this incredibly elaborate story of how she was visiting her friend, had lunch with her and her friends boyfriend (who was also an escort) and the guy who runs the place. Before I go further this place is a "Swingers Club" that's a front for an underground escort service and that's where the real money comes in. Back to the story, while having lunch the guy sweet talked her into considering joining, which she said she never did, but a few months later, once some shit happened at home, she called up her friend to reconsider the offer. She told me she would have gone to NYC every other weekend or so, worked the shifts, and brought back fat stacks for her family.
This is where I apparently come in; allegedly me making a presence in her life being just a friend at first was enough to convince her to shy away from that because it would have kept her from a "happy life" and left her feeling "hollow." | White stockings my gf found rekindled her thoughts of being an escort as she tells me all about it. |
t3_jlkiy | dating_advice | I think I may have gotten stood up last night. Not entirely sure how to react. Any advice? | I [M/23] recently met a girl online. We exchanged a few messages discussing hobbies, work, etc. and both affirming that we thought the other was cute. It seemed like we hit it off pretty well. She tells me she's in a bowling league for fun, and that there's a men's league, and I should join up. I told her I'm pretty bad at it, but I'd like to learn. She then says I should come to a practice and tells me when and where her team usually does them. I told her I would be there. When I showed up, she wasn't there, though people practicing knew her. Mild awkwardness ensued. I stuck around for a bit, because I was genuinely interested in learning, and the people were cool about it, then went home. When I got back, she was online, but I wasn't sure what to say (and am still not) so I just logged off and figured I'd sleep on it.
So here's my question: did I completely misread our conversation? It occurred to me that neither of us said anything like "see you there" or "looking forward to meeting you", though I just sort of assumed that she'd be there, considering she invited me. It seems pretty obvious that I just got stood up, but I was really beginning to like her, so I don't want to give up just yet if there's a chance it was just mis-communication. Kind of feel like, either way, it's her move. Thanks in advance. | Met a girl online. She invited me to bowling practice. I show up and she's not there. May have been a misunderstanding, but probably got stood up. Not really sure what to do next. |
t3_2s2efl | relationships | I [20F] am moving out of my apartment mid-lease. Roommate [20F] is not trying to find a replacement roommate. Am I within my rights to find one for her? | I will be moving out either on January 15th, or February 1st. We both signed a lease in September, however things have come up, and I will be moving out. We are both financially responsible to pay the $775, however she refuses to look outside her friend circle for another roommate.
I have sent her craigslist ads from students and girls our age, looking for a room, however she says she does not want to live with a stranger. That is completely understandable, however she does not even want to meet them. I have offered to pay February rent until she finds a new roommate.
Unfortunately, she is not looking any further, and I do not want to have to pay for an apartment I do not live in. She has known about me moving out since Jan 5, so it gives her almost 2 months to find somebody else.
I am trying to go about this the right way, in having her be able to find a roommate she wants, and giving her awhile to do this, but she told me she is not looking any longer. That pretty much screws me over, forcing me to continue paying. Yes, I know I signed a lease, but the landlord said if a replacement roommate is found, that I can leave, no questions asked.
Can I find somebody to replace me, just like that? I feel awful about her not knowing the person, but she is not willing to even have interviews or anything. She will not budge about this. What can I do to minimize costs for an apartment I do not live in? | Roommate will not look for a replacement roommate outside of her group of friends. I want to find somebody for her, so I do not have to pay for an apartment I don't live in. |
t3_2z7oq1 | relationships | Mother in law (60 f) makes passive aggressive comments about my/husbands (28 f+m) weight, our life in general. | Help me. My mother in law is super passive aggressive and says awful things in a way that makes it incredibly difficult to call her out on.
Examples... she's flipping through a photo album album of me and husband. I've gained some weight recently. She stops at pictures of me thinner and says " wow, you look different." I ask her to elaborate, she just says I look "different." Bitch, I know exactly what you're talking about! She then spends ten minutes talking about her friend's weight loss tips.
Another example. Husband and I are vegetarian. She hates this. She constantly tells husband he is too skinny. We only see this woman four times a year tops, and literally every time we do she makes a comment about how he is too skinny or looks unhealthy. No, he doesn't. He is a healthy weight and fucking ripped.
The thing that pushed me over the edge to write this post is that she recently called my husband and told him how her doctor told her all about how vegetarianism is unhealthy, and would he PLEASE go to the doctor with her? Oh, and don't tell your wife about this conversation.
I'm livid. Husband sorted it all out with her and told her it was inappropriate of her to expect him to keep things from me or to ask him, a grown man, to get a physical with his mother. She backed off but basically the situation reinforced the fact that she doesn't see me as my husband's partner, or respect me.
We've been married three years, together for six.
I found out today that she is coming to our area in a week for a short visit and I just don't want to see her or deal with her bullshit. Husband already agreed to.
How can/should I get out of this visit? What should I do about the increase in her passive aggressive judgmental behavior? | Mother in law makes passive aggressive comments about my weight and husbands weight. Secretely asks him to go to Dr. and not tell me. I'm sick of her but she's coming to visit. What do? |
t3_1mua3d | relationships | My ex [21F] and I [21M] are still friends but it's confusing me | My ex and I broke up last week from a relationship that lasted a little over a year and a half. We broke up not because someone did something, but because we realized how it wasn't going to work out between us because of family issues. The break up was rough, don't get me wrong, but it seemed like we were both able to cope with it pretty well because we see each other so often.
I've read that after breaking up with your ex, it's probably best to distance yourself from them and to not contact them. However, since we are both chemistry majors at the same university that attend the same classes, we're forced to see each other all the time. We sit next to each other in class, study together, and even still go out to eat together. The only difference now is that we aren't doing that as a couple.
The problem is that I have to constantly remind myself that we *aren't* a couple anymore and that I can't hold her, kiss her, or do anything else. One side of me is saying to tell her that I miss what we used to be, but the other side of me is confused with the whole friends/not-a-couple situation. The past few nights I've had dreams that we were still together and it's depressing to realize that we're only friends now. | My ex and I are still close friends after a recent break up. It's confusing the heck out of me because we spend so much time together. |
t3_2slu4w | personalfinance | Need help on deciding whether to open another credit card or not. | Hey guys, ive been going back and forth about this and id like to hear a more educated opinion. To preface, im going on a medical mission trip in a month and we have to take the same flight which happens to be delta. I have a US airways mastercard, as well as a visa from wells fargo. My question is this, should I open up a delta credit card? I could charge the flight (1000$) which would allow me to pick up the sign on bonus of 30,000 miles towards a ticket. Im considering it because i plan to go on the trip again in september, and while i may not earn enough miles for a free trip I could use the companion tickets for 2 friends (29$ each) and effectively split my next ticket into 1/3. Ive always heard its bad to have several credit cards from my parents and other people in general, but id like to have a few more opinions or at least someone explain how I would not benefit from having several. I only use my us airways card already, the WF was my first card and i use it sparingly because the benefits are poor, and i would probably use this one just as sparingly. Thanks guys | Should I open a Delta credit card, when I already get similar benefits from a US airways card? I am taking a Delta flight |
t3_2dudv4 | relationship_advice | I (20f) want to send a birthday gift to a really good friend (29m) but I worry that it is inappropriate. | I have been really, really good friends (best friends?) with a guy that lives one state away. We haven't met in real life, but have been talking constantly for almost a year now. He knows everything about me and I about him! Our relationship has been completely platonic until very recently. He is super important to me. All of my friends think that there is no possible way that two people of opposite genders could talk so much without at least one of them falling in love. I always thought that was ridiculous and never thought of him as anything more. For a long time, I thought I was a lesbian. I'm not really so sure now. A few days ago I went on a date with a man (not friend mentioned) and the friend in question was very curious about me dating guys. The date was not great, I told my friend all about it and thought it was just friendly questioning. He asked me several times about me liking men. Late that same night, he calls me drunk and basically professes his love for me. He tells me he finds me very attractive, that he would love for me to move to his city and that he loves me very much. blahblahblah. I tell him that he is too drunk to say that stuff and get off the phone with him. That was 4 days ago and we haven't talked about it since. We have still been talking though and everything seems normal and friendly again. His birthday is September 2nd and I have been planning on sending him a birthday package. Not expensive things, just like candy and a letter and maybe a stuffed animal. Another of my friends (who is also male) thinks me sending him a package would give him hope that I might like him back. I don't want to do that, but I do want to remain friends with him and I was already planning on sending the package!!! What do I do? I love him as a friend and I want to give him a present and wish him a happy birthday, but I don't want to give him hope that I love him as more than a friend. | A good friend professes his love and attraction for me. I don't feel the same way. I was planning on sending him a birthday gift but I don't know if I should now. |
t3_y4t69 | relationship_advice | I'm 24/m, my girlfriend 22/f talks in ways with her friend that are flirty and make me uncomfortable - help me understand where I stand on the jealousy scale | Basically my girlfriend (whom I've been with for about a year and a half) has this old friend from before she ever met me. Now I have no problem with her having male friends. Whatsoever. She gets texts from guy friends all the time I never feel weird or jealous or anything.
Just recently however we came to discussing this one certain friend. They're pretty flirty. I will admit that some of the flirting I'm not supposed to know about. I went through her phone a little bit... this guy clearly does not respect me or the boundaries of my relationship. Obviously I dont expect him to. It's up to my girlfriend to force him to respect our relationship if he wants to remain friends with her. This is an issue I will approach with her somehow.
My question now is that her and this friend (who she's known longer than she knows me) call each other SOULMATE. Now... I realize that osme friendships can be like that. Slightly flirty, pet names, whatever. However... I feel like once you're in a serious relationship you should respect your partner and cease that sort of stuff. I feel like if the soulmate thing was isolated I may be able to ignore it, but add in the flirting (which, like I said, I came upon through snooping which I feel quite guilty about but I feel as though ultimately it will be a good thing that I did so we can broach these issues before the situation becomes irreparable) and I'm really struggling. | Am I being overly jealous/controlling to be completely uncomfortable with her calling a long time friend SOULMATE when they talk? It's hard to ignore given they sometimes flirt a little bit as well. |
t3_2fwjey | relationships | [F/20] Girl who I've been talking to for about two months on a daily basis just stoped answering my [M/21] messages. | So i recently started talking to this girl I've known when I was a kid. She was My girlfriend when we were about 14 years old, But ended it when she moved to another city and because pf being young kids and so on, life continued we lost contact. But we recently became friends on Facebook and started talking again. Been talking and texting pretty much every day for two months. She lives about 1,5 hours away and we started talking about meeting. She was supposed to come over last weekend, but came up with some wierd about having to pick up her best friend from the airport, and tells me this the evening before she was supposed to come over.
she said she is really sorry but says she really wants to see me and promises to come next weekend. All was good and she was beeing like normal. No signs of being insecure, getting cold feet or anything.
She has now stopped replying to texts and it's really wierd, she usually replies pretty much right away usually. I know her phone isn't broken.
What should I do?!
Should I call her/text again (sent one yesterday asking what's wrong but got no reply)
Or should I just keep quiet and take it as she just out of nowhere lost all interest and decided to never talk to me again?
Thanks for any advice! | And old really good friend/Girlfriend suddenly stopped talking talking without any reason. What should my next move be? |
t3_1e6jmo | relationship_advice | [22/f] I am in a long term relationship spanning 4 years, (23/m) and I'm worried that I am in love with another. | First off, my current boyfriend of about 4 years is fantastic. He shares the same interests as me, cares for me when I am down, provides for me and gives me the greatest sex of my life. (We played around the idea of an open relationship, so I have had a lot of awful sex to compare with).
However, a lot of my thoughts are always pre-occupied by the lust for one of his friends. This lust has been present since I was 15, and he did reciprocate his feelings to me, but we just had awful timing, so nothing ever eventuated. I find it bizarre that these feelings still occur, even though I am completely happy within my relationship. Whenever I am around him, I feel giddy, I cannot even think of my own name, and I am always super happy/horny whenever he is around. I fear that I love him. I fear that these feelings for him will one day get in the way of my relationship. Did I choose the wrong guy, or is there a way to eradicate my feelings for him? I would love some advice. | I fear that I am in love with my bf's close friend and I don't know what to do about it, despite being happy in my current relationship. |
t3_2n6luo | relationships | I [25 F] have borderline personality disorder and have been seeing this guy [24] for a few months | He doesn't know that I have BPD, just that I have a serious mental illness. Things were going well and then suddenly they weren't, and he said he didn't want a relationship. I didn't act out or anything before or after this change of events, but I know that throughout I had been acting odd, because I was holding a lot back, which is why I told him I have a serious mental illness and that it affects things. I thought we'd talk about it, but we just didn't.
So after a few months of pleasantly playing music, cooking, watching short films, and fucking, he says he doesn't want a relationship and didn't think we were on the same wavelength. Now, I know that we at least almost are, but that I have been so nervous and hiding so much that I wasn't able to act like myself. I texted him and asked him what happened and why he didn't like me anymore, and he asked if we could talk Monday.
So tomorrow is Monday, and I have no idea what to say. If I disclose everything, that would probably be overwhelming for him, but he'd at least understand why I have been acting so strange. He knows I like him, and he used to like me and I think he is still kind of interested, but he just doesn't really know who I am because I haven't been able to show it. How do I fix this so we can go on dating? | I have BPD, have been seeing a guy who doesn't know that, we kinda "broke up", but are going to talk about everything tomorrow. What do I say? |
t3_2th92w | relationships | I feel like I [24M] am always at fault our relationship [24F]. Am I just doing such a poor job? | We've been dating since graduate school for roughly a year and a half. I'm no where perfect but I put all my effort into trying to show how much I appreciate her and make her feel cared (ex, text every morning how she's doing, occasionally order food for her when she's too busy to cook, skype at least every other day).
Right now we have separate jobs in different regions of the country but her mom still lives nearby where I work. She's a really caring person and has shown that numerous of times when things *go well*. But every now and then when I make a mistake not intentionally she gets mad and makes sure I know I fucked up. Plus the occasional ignoring/payback texts.
In the past I tried to show her how sorry I felt, but the last time that happened she said "it's more of me trying to comfort you rather than you comforting me." It was a big hit on my pride so from then on I just hid everything from her to show nothing was wrong because I cared that much about her didn't want her to feel that way.
Recently I had to go to work early in the morning to drive out of state for a study our company was conducting. Have been busy all day and tried to talk to her as much as I could (which wasn't enough). Since it went well my boss wanted to celebrate by buying us dinner. I tried to text her about the success and such and seeing how she was doing, but my texts weren't very long and short (according to her). I told her I was having dinner with my co-workers but probably didn't communicate how important it was (since there was another representative judging our company).
Is she just expecting the right amount and I myself need to do a better job? I'm afraid if I bring it up it'll just eventually feel like me just doing a poor job and nothing I say is really justifiable.
Before I was able to shrug it off, but after working basically three 60/hr weeks and two weekends in a row, this one just hit really hard. | Put forth a lot of effort, whenever things go bad I feel guilty and she gets mad. What else can I do to make it better? |
t3_2v31ic | AskReddit | What's the name of the background song from Mad Men S01E13 The Wheel "Carousel" scene? | where can I find music in the background when Don is talking about the carousel? Starts around 36:10 - 38:10 (Netflix copy) what is some similar kinds of music (pref without words)? it's very soothing.
No its not on the soundtrack. Tell me its not just something they put in. I put this scene on repeat while I look at photo's of a friend I recently lost. She was a film student in her early 20's and she loved scenes like this. Sometimes I just leave one of her photos up on the screen, which motivates me to do work. Other times I just scroll through a photo album. | My friend died of cancer at 22, I enjoy looking at her photos, like the Carousel scene describes. I'm looking for song sauce. |
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