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t3_1plg2s | Advice | I think my housemate is abusing my animals | My husband and I invited a close friend to come stay with us while he gets back on his feet. We'd already had our dog and cat when he moved in. He's been here for about 9 months, and in the past few months my cat and dog have avoided him, casting back furtive glances at him whenever he walks by. They do this to no one else. The cat has now started to poop in places other than his litter box. Today in particular he has been incredibly cuddly, drawing closer to who he is sitting with and staring fearfully at the housemate as he passes by.
I know he has been a little aggressive in the past and we have explained to him that this is not an appropriate way to handle behavior issues in the animals. He has told us that he is not being as rough with the animals as we think. I have trouble believing this based on my pets' behavior toward him and the fact that he hides when he "disciplines" any pet (we have more than just our two).
Would I be overstepping by installing a camera to catch him? If I do, and he is abusing our animals, do I kick him out even though he literally has nowhere else to go? Any advice would be appreciated. | Roomie may be abusive to our pets. Can't confirm without a camera, can't confront without proof. Thoughts? |
t3_1jbtip | AskReddit | Neurologists/Neurosurgeons of reddit, I have been with my mom at the hospital for 2 months after she had subarachnoid hemorrhage. Really need some opinion. | [Cross post]
The good doctors of Emory Hospital are taking care of her but we have many questions that they might not want to answer to avoid disappointment/false hope/discouragement. I am not asking you to "answer" my questions but to share your opinion. Are you guys willing to do that? I promise to take your opinions as guesses at best and not as diagnosis. I also won't try and challenge the doctors' decisions here at Emory based on what I learn here. We have observations that we haven't had the luxury to have in depth discussions with the doctors given how busy they are. So I would love to have a casual chat with you guys on which ones of our observations have anything to do with her condition and which ones don't. Also is does her progress seem normal to you or would you consider looking into other things?
I will start if anyone is interested.
Thank you so much. | Mom had subarachnoid hemorrhage 2 months ago, still in hospital, I'd like to have casual conversation about her condition with an MD. |
t3_mcq8j | AskReddit | So I have this gay friend... | He's a fairly close friend of mine. I'm very straight, and he knows this. He tells people how he is *in* love with me, but for obvious reasons I put him in the friend zone. Whenever we hang out, I make sure there's at least one girl present.
Here's the kicker-- A couple weeks ago I heard that he told people that I said I would "give him a blowjob". IN NO WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM DID I EVER LEAD HIM ON TO BELIEVE ANY SUCH THING. I'm not sure if I'm pissed at him or pissed at myself for allowing him to become a close friend of mine when I know his intentions. Maybe a little bit of both. More so him because he has done this with other guys before. (i.e. he told people that him and one of my other friends had sex all the time. When I asked my other friend he said "Yeah, I guess we did. But it's the first time I've heard about it LOL.")
So my question is: WHAT DO? Should I approach him about it and say "whaddafuck, bro?" or just hope it blows over? Either way it makes both of us look incredibly dumb. | My friend is gay. I'm straight. He told people I said I would give him a blowjob when I made no such remark. |
t3_4q89hv | relationships | [M20]My girlfriend kept something from me[F18] | A couple days ago I found out my SO of 7 months sent a lingerie picture to her best (male) friend. The reason she sent it from her point of view was because she wanted an honest opinion of how she looked. She didn't tell me. She said it was because she wasn't thinking and she didn't mean anything from it. I asked her if I asked who she sent the pictures to, would she tell me she sent them to her friend. She didn't answer. It makes me feel like I shouldn't trust her. Trust is needed in a relationship. Not only that but she regularly gets dick pics from random guys on snapchat. She said she hates it. But if she really did why doesn't she delete them or keep her snapchat name private? I don't get it?
I'm conflicted because she is a sweet girl. She's awesome around family and we genuinely have a great time when we're together.. When I called her she started crying and texting me all night and eventually I let her come over. She was very apologetic and I forgave her. I'm feeling like it was a spur of the moment thing and I feel horrible about it. | SO sent suggestive pics to her best friend, didn't tell me about it, I forgave her and now I feel conflicted. |
t3_1izqmq | loseit | (Xpost) Obese and want to lose weight...but want to do it safely. | Hey all. I recently took stock of my life and realized I was not where I wanted to be. I am 288 lbs (down 10 lbs from original weight). I want to drop down to 260 by August 28th (new school semester).
What I have done so far:
-Quit Smoking (3 years ago)
-Quit drinking Soda (1 month ago)
-Since I have quit drinking soda I eat a lot more fruit and drink a ton of water
-Started riding a bike everyday (2.5 miles but hope to increase this!)
I have lost 12 pounds in about 10 days. Giving up soda didn't seem to help me lose weight but eating healthier and riding my bike has helped a lot | Can I drop the weight with no health consequences or saggy skin? If I do get saggy skin will it go away without surgery? |
t3_4vqp6q | legaladvice | [CA] Is it Medical Malpractice / Negligence? | First post here, thanks in advance for reading. Really grateful for any insight.
My mother (62) recently went to a hospital for a routine surgery. After the surgery, the surgeon advised me that he was unable to perform the entirety of the procedure (which was an invasive abdominal incision), and due to minor complications had to postpone the second portion (back incision) 1-2 days later. After the second surgery she was moved from the ICU to a room, where they helped manage her pain.
She has a very low tolerance for pain medication and an equally low pain tolerance threshold, and she was in distress. She had a 'pain button' (Dilaudid) at her disposal, which she pressed (and, unfortunately, sometimes would forget about, being drugged up as she was). The next morning I get a call from a nurse, that they had (in addition to the Dilaudid) administered 2 x 10-325 of Oxycodone, and that she had stopped breathing. They did not monitor her breathing or routinely check up on her. They gave her two pills, and left her unattended. I'm told they don't know when exactly she stopped breathing, but over a 30 minute period an ultrasound technician happen to come in to check her legs for blood clots noticed her unresponsiveness and called a code blue.
They had to revive her with CPR (3 minutes / chest compressions) and rushed her to the ICU again where they (I believe) administered an opioid antagonist, after which she immediately showed signs of improvement. They then put her through a series of scans, and uncomfortable tests to rule out all other type of complications. In the end, I was told, it was probably the Oxycodone.
She is now traumatized by the event, and in even more pain (her chest). She's still in the hospital and, having already been very anxious, has been experiencing night terrors.
Is this a case of "This sometimes happens, unfortunately"? | After a surgery my mother was dosed with too much Oxycodone, left unattended and unmonitored, and had to be resuscitated. |
t3_4r4f06 | tifu | TIFU by pulling a cord out of the wrong computer. | First post here! (Technically second, because apparently my first one was "too common." It's not very common to turn a hard drive into a floppy disk by accident, is it?)
Anyway, I had this whole complicated computer setup on a small desk that was quite messy, since it was only temporary. It cinsisted of a Raspberry Pi computer, an old VGA monitor, an old mechanical keyboard, etc. I was tired from staying up past midnight trying to get some program running, and wasn't quite 100% concentrated on the task at hand.
Eventually, I tried pulling out the flash drive cable (which was connected via a USB extension cable to save room) and accidentally yanked on the power cable instead, knocking over the monitor and causing the tiny little Raspberry Pi computer to hit the ground, hard.
After surveying the damage and plugging it back in, I realize the SD card is missing. It had slid under the desk. Plugged it back in and booted it back up. Almost.
Apparently when the Pi fell down, the old plastic SD card slot cracked and wouldn't hold the card anymore. But it gets better.
I tried fixing it with some epoxy putty over the slot which would theoretically keep the card in place. It didn't work. After waiting for the putty to dry and putting in the card, it was too loose. So I covered the top of the card in tape, which fixed it for a bit but eventually cracked the putty.
I never got it working again. You may be wondering why the SD card slot is so important, right? On this specofic conputer, since it's about the size of a credit card, it loads the OS off an SD card.
Since it was a ~$25 computer, I was able to buy another. I now have five of them on my desk. But they're newer versions with proper card slots. | I was too tired to concentrate, knocked over my entire computer setup, breaking a delicate little computer's SD card slot in the process. Tried to fix it, then wrecked it further. |
t3_1miw2l | relationships | Should I [26/M] be nervous about the way she [26/F] talks about her guy friend? | In a LDR for about 3 months that will end in 2 weeks because she's moving to my city. She has been hanging out with a guy a lot who she met through her roommate. She talks about him and says he's really nice and funny and that we'd get along.
I don't want to be controlling and overly jealous, but I also don't want to be a naive fool. She says she would never cheat, but people lie and since it's long distance there's no way for me to know.
Should I bring it up or just let it go until she gets here? | Long Distance Girl Friends talks about how cool new guy friend is, wondering if I should tell her about how it makes me nervous or just let it go since she's moving here in a couple of weeks. |
t3_vf22n | AskReddit | Ideas for a present as a thank you? | I have met someone online in World of Warcraft (Yes I could have posted in that /r/), we have been speaking and getting to know each other for 2 years.
Recently it became clear that we both like each other and she has asked me to visit her in Sweden for a week which I graciously accepted for the chance to get to know them even better.
I asked her to ask her parents how much they would like for living costs while they put me up for a week, she got back to me today and said her mother doesn't want anything for putting me up for a week.
I want to get her something as a thank you for letting me stay for a week and have no idea what to get her, even when I asked my friend what she thought she would like she had no clue either.
I don't want to turn up spend the week there and leave without showing sort sort of thank you. Please help. | Question to reddit, what do you get someone as a thank you, in situations like these, where they don't want money and you have no idea of their interests or likes? |
t3_2ejypb | relationships | Me (17m) trying anything to get over my ex(18f) | This was the end of my first serious relationship. Basically we're apart now because she's going to college in a few days. It's been about a month (we dated for six) and for some weird reason, I still think about her basically every second. I don't know why. I've been trying so hard to forget about her.
Lately, I've been going to more parties and bonfires etc... because it takes my mind off of her. However at these parties, I'll get decently trashed. I don't think it's because of her, because I didn't start doing all this just now, but I don't know. For some reason though, I feel like I should just hook up with people and have a lot of sex and this will help me. I just need some advice on how to forget about her. | I think I'm developing some bad habits, because I can't get over my ex. I need advice on how to properly get over her. |
t3_2d1kiw | relationships | I'm (22/F) a chronic snooper and uh, I feel like my self control is ridiculous. Do you have any tips on how to control the urge to peek? | It's a stupid term, but it's what I call my urge to snoop. It's really shitty, and I feel like it's one of those bad habits I never dropped, even in adulthood. My main issue is with my boyfriend (23/F) of three and a half years. His phone, his computer-I have to force myself to not open up his stuff.
Why? Childlike curiosity, maybe? At first I believed I didn't trust him, but I know that's ridiculous because i do and my boyfriend isn't the only person I've done this to. My brother, parents, extended family... Ill randomly pick up his phone, play his apps, browse his photos and videos, maybe even look at his messages. I don't go through his stuff often, but after I do this i feel so stupid because I had no reason or right to snoop. I have a sinking feeling of anxiety because I know I just did something stupid, again. I feel like this might stem from the fact that my friends and I used to be very comfortable looking at each other's stuff, but I know that's no excuse.
I never find anything questionable, I'm just like hey, a phone, I'm gonna play with it. He feels like I'm snooping out of suspicion and it makes him feel bad, but I swear I'm not. I just....like looking through other people's stuff. I feel like a freaking kid and my boyfriend is hurt by my actions. How can I kick this urge to snoop? | I snoop through my boyfriend's stuff, not out of suspicion, but because it's something to do. I play his games, look at his texts, pics, vids, whatever. I hate having this urge! |
t3_3x2hht | relationships | Me [28 f] with my boyfriend [28 m] of 3 month, I discovered a bed bug in my newish apartment and I'm freaking out. I don't know how to tell him and I'm afraid he will break up with me. | I am going to preface this by saying I am on the phobic-level of being afraid of bugs.
I moved into a new apartment around the same time we started dating. Immediately I began getting bitten up. I am paranoid and 'bed bugs' popped into my head. I was vigilant in my search, never finding anything. My boyfriend thinks it's just an allergy to something, and I hoped it was true, but I always had this paranoid suspicion it would be bugs.
Last night, during my routine scouring-of-the-apartment, I finally found one. I freaked out and made my sister come bag it up for me as evidence for the landlord.
I haven't slept. I have spent the whole night reading horror stories and taking loads of linens to the dumpster in huge trash bags. I'm terrified and very upset.
Mostly, I'm concerned that he will break up with me over this. I have no idea how to tell him, and I'm afraid he will think I'm disgusting and peace out. How do I tell him? Would you break up with someone over this? | found a bed bug after weeks of vigorous searching. How do I tell my boyfriend when I'm afraid he will break up with me over it? |
t3_44qrf9 | relationships | Me [38 M] with my Affair Partner [32 F] is now separated 2.5 years later, what should I do? | I'll try to make this as easy as possible to understand. I had an affair with a coworker that for about 5 months before we were caught. We were both married at the time both weren't getting what we needed at home. I know, no excuse. Anyway. Jan decided to stay and work on her marriage while I decided to end mine. Jan was required to leave her job and cease all contact with me which makes sense. Blocking me on all social media blah blah. I've been divorced sinces since the end of 2013.
I was on Facebook the other day and she shows up on my suggested friends list for the first time since the affair was uncovered and I'm no longer blocked. I haven't really had a relationship since I divorced my now ex wife. Turns out, she's now officially separated over 2.5 years later. | Should I initiate contact? Or should I just leave her in peace to figure her next steps out in life. I still love this woman dearly. |
t3_2gs161 | relationships | Should I follow my girlfriend to LA for one year? Me[25M] Her[25F] | We have been dating for 6 years and I love her. I am settled in my current city, with a decent job that I have been at for three years now. Its not the best job in the world, but its very easy and flexible and pays decently. She got a great opportunity to kick off her career as a nurse in LA. The program is 1 year long before she can move back and easily transfer to a hospital in Northern California where I live.
Neither of us will stay in LA for much longer than the year due to family being in Northern California. Is it worth moving to LA for a year, getting work, then quitting and moving back and finding work again to experience a year in a new city with the one I love? The idea of not seeing her daily is really depressing, but the idea of leaving the comfort of my current lifestyle is very scary and also slightly depressing. The decision has been eating at me for weeks now, I just want it to end.
What do you think? | Should I leave my job and close proxmity to family to live with girlfriend (of 7 years) for one year in Los Angeles? Or, should I do distance for a year? |
t3_22o0tn | relationships | I think I ruined a relationship by having an anxiety attack and confessing feelings over text message | I've been talking to a girl for almost three months now. We're both 18 and used to be in class together. At first we went for coffee and hung out a lot, but we started to drift apart a little. Last week our text message conversations got a little flirty, though, and things seemed to be going great.
She invited me over for Friday night. I was ready and confident to confess feelings for her and possibly have a romantic night. She cancelled on me with a bs excuse, I felt shitty, but she rescheduled to Saturday. I went over and we went in her bed and watched a movie on netflix. She then put on some music and we just chilled out and talked about random stuff for a few hours. I tried many times to start talking about my feelings, but my anxiety was getting really bad. I left and went home.
I sent her a text at 4am asking to meetup later that day so I could talk to her, but she couldn't. I didn't want to say what was up over text, but later that day she pushed it out of me and I broke down. I confessed feelings over text and confessed a lot of insecurities and how shitty I felt. I basically eliminated any slight appearance of confidence I might have had. She handled it fairly well, and told me I shouldn't be afraid to say anything to her. It just didn't feel right though.
I saw her this morning and awkwardly pretended not to see her. I texted her tonight, but our conversation felt forced and was only a few messages deep. I'm madly in love with her and I can't stand myself for ruining this. She showed interest last week, but it feels like we'll never even be friends again. Any advice? | Flirted with female friend over text, went over to her house, acted like nothing had happened, panicked and didn't confess feelings, confess feelings and insecurities over text, relationship seems over. |
t3_2o1swf | tifu | TIFU by adding cool animations to my PowerPoint. | So, backstory. My group and I in our BSc Psychology course have to do a presentation module, based on research and journals and blah blah blah. Because I'm the only one technologically proficient, it was my role to splice everyone's work onto the PowerPoint. Today's presentation was our final one of this semester. I figured that I would make this one special, so I added the exploding slide transition to every slide, I made every sentence and picture fly in from the side, and I added explosions to everything. Explosions made everything better.
Today, everyone overslept, so we didn't get to look over the PowerPoint before we went in (session is first thing in morning). Never mind, we'll just chance it.
We all individually got the room. I booted up the PowerPoint.
Title page. Everyone nods and is amazed at the slide, including our teacher.
Second page. My page. All the slide transitions do their thing. Everything is fine.
Third page.
I look around while it transitions over.
My tutor and two of my four group members are having seizures.
Whoops. | Excessive slide transitions lead to my tutor/marker and two classmates having seizures due to the extraordinary awesome of my slide animations. |
t3_36pqv6 | relationships | I [20M] have the biggest crush on my closest friend [20F] for 1 and a half years. | (Sorry if this sounds like whining)
Well, a brief background, I met this girl at the beginning of college, and I immediately fell for her, but I was already in another relationship that I could not end well and quickly. Well now it has been a year since I have been single, and I still haven't confessed my feelings for her, obviously. She has told me several times that I am one of her favorite people, but I feel like I have been "friend-zoned," which is a term I personally do not like to use. And what is worse is that I feel like I am getting over her, until I am reminded about how well we get along, and how cutely she acts whenever we are together.
Now, we are going to be traveling across the pond together, with our school, for the whole summer, and I can neither confess my feelings for her confidently nor get over her easily. One leads to a sticky situation over the next few months, and the other leads to emotional distress. What should I try to do? | Have strong feelings for my best friend, like a crappy sitcom, can't decide what to do before we study abroad together for the whole summer. |
t3_1j1ccn | relationships | Me[20M] never had a girlfriend, (not sure if I want one) and have been talking to [21F] I met on okcupid. | I'll start off by saying I [20M] have never had a girlfriend. I have had a few opportunities to but I either said no or didn't have the guts to ask her out. Previously I have always thought of relationships as a waste of time/money just based on what my friends and others I saw doing around me. I would just see my friends dating people they have really nothing in common with, spending all kinds of money on them for whatever reason etc. Another thing I would like to point out is people dating people they know they could or would never marry. I see dating as a game that everyone does and just jump from person to person knowing it will not last.
Now this girl I have been talking to is nice and seems promising, but my mentality I have about dating is telling me not to even start anything with this girl. Even just a friend who happens to be a girl would be awesome, and if it grows to more then even better.
Basically what I am looking for is your opinions, experiences, or anything you can think of to help me think of relationships in a different way or confirm my suspicions of it being a waste of time unless you can tell they are the one. | Never had a girlfriend, not sure If I am looking for a girlfriend because I have never dated anyone and do not know if it is worth the time. |
t3_29mzeu | relationships | Me [21 M] with my Girlfriend [19F] 5years, Different wants from life | I'm 21, she's 19. We've been dating for 5 years and recently over the last year she's been talking about travelling the world etc. At first I admit I threw a wobbly, got upset and needed some time to collect myself.
I think it should be said I'm having some issues with myself at the moment, I think I have depression. I'm constantly putting myself down and don't feel too good about myself.
After some time I decided that she needed to go on this trip and tried to help her get some placements etc. We've not heard anything since. Skip to the last few days.
She's not ready for commitments, she doesn't want to think about marriage and kids, she doesn't want to move out with me any time soon. My paranoia kicks in and I start getting defensive, what if she doesn't love me anymore and she's with me out of pity? What if there's someone else?
During this time of paranoia she mentions she's still young and only dated 3 guys, me being the third. She wants more from life and says we have different wants from a partner. The night ended with me feeling like the whole relationship has been a shamble and I'm just another one of those guys in her life who she would have no issue moving on from.
Next day, things are slightly awkward. I told her I need to stop relying on her as much and she says okay, if it's what I want etc.
Not sure if I'm being over sensitive or completely justified for having my best friend and partner make me feel so weak? | Arguments with girlfriend, not sure if we are on same path. Feeling weak and need some advice on what to do |
t3_12cm7n | BreakUps | [29f] The boredom is the worst part, you know? | [29f], [37m]. We were online friends for years and lovers for a few months, in real life too.
We used to spend a lot of time together. Had our own little book club. Watched movies, TV series, play music, make each other mixtapes etc etc. After it was over, I realized that it's practically impossible for me to enjoy movies, books etc anymore - almost nothing holds my interest. It's incredibly difficult to concentrate, and it's frustrating me. I have so much free time now without him and nothing to do.
The internet is a vast place with an infinite amount of information and entertainment at one's disposal - there's simply so much to do that it sounds impossible to get bored. But I'm in such a bad mental state that everything is boring. Nothing recreates the excitement, the intellectual inspiration I produced from doing all those things *with him*.
I tried signing up for OKCupid and started corresponding with a lot of guys with similar interests, but it's just not the same. It's difficult for me to find a new Raison d'être. | My life is boring without him. I'm in a rut. I no longer enjoy exploring new books, movies and music. Anyone feels the same? |
t3_lzr7a | AskReddit | Reddit, how come we make such a small deal about internet arguments? | You know what I'm talking about. "Internet arguments are like the special olympics; even if you won you're still retarded". I can understand this quote applying to things like "PS3 TOTALLY BEATS XBOX ANYDAY LOL HURRHURR", but when it comes to serious/controversial issues, I see internet arguments, when taken seriously, as having near the same opinion-changing potential between the two debaters as an important, official debate.
For example, if I can recall correctly, I've seen a couple of people over at r/atheism talking about how debating with atheists over there has freed them from religion. We're talking completely revising your entire world view on creation, spirituality, life, death, morals, self-purpose, and science. That's pretty major an outcome for such a pointless, retarded internet argument, isn't it? I've also seen, as a result of internet debates, atheists revising their view on religion, homophobes becoming pro-gay rights, racists becoming more tolerant, etc. I mean, I myself went from pro-life to pro-choice after a long-winded internet debate. | It seems like everyone makes internet arguments out to be such pointless and stupid time-wasters, but under certain circumstances, when they're taken seriously, they can have a serious effect on someone's life. |
t3_1vkhzi | relationships | I [20/M] moved to a new city with no social foundation. How should I go about making new friends? | There isn't too much pertinent backstory, so this isn't going to be an extremely lengthy post.
I moved to a completely new city a few hundred miles away from my university for a temporary job as part of my degree. While my school's careers office offered to provide some contact information on other students in neighbouring cities, they have since decided against doing this for nondisclosure reasons. I live in a single-bedroom apartment, so I don't have any roommates, and because of the nature of my work and the timing of my placement, there is no one else who adequately fits my demographic (all of my co-workers are 35+ with children). And because of the nature of my work, I don't have regular hours, so joining clubs is not really an option. I tried using websites to meet people, but I'm not in a very big city, so the online community is extremely small.
While there are some opportunities around for me to try to make friends in person, I've never been good at initiating conversation with new people. Once I get past that barrier, I can handle things relatively well (I think...?), but the initiation is the part that I stumble at. Anyone who is or was in a similar situation and can offer some advice? It'd be much appreciated. | Moved to a new city alone. Easiest avenues to making friends are unavailable or impractical. How do I meet new people? |
t3_2n3m3i | relationships | Me [30 M] with my Sister & Brother-in-Law [26/24 M/F] baby due, his mother just died | Ok, throwaway, and some details aren't accurate to be as anon a possible.
My sister is due to give birth imminently (her due date is within the week). I just heard that her husbands father died last night out of the blue. Obviously he needs to be with his family so they've driven several hours to his home town to be there.
I'm really worried she might go into labour on the highway away from the hospital/doctors etc that she knows, but also I want to support them both as much as possible but I see the need for them to be where they need to be at the moment.
Clearly it's going to a bittersweet and highly stressful situation, having a baby soon and them dealing with the grief of the sudden and totally unexpected death of his father.
I feel like I should be doing something, but I'm not sure what's going to be helpful, both in the short term and ongoing.
I live quite close to them (but they are currently about 7 hours away) so I want to be there for them (I did anyway, helping out with their first child), but also they're going to need space so I don't want to overwhelm.
I've seen some really awesome people on this sub, so I'm just reaching out as this is a completely unexpected and unknown situation for me and I'm not sure what I need to be doing. | Brother-in-law's father has died days unexpectedly before their first child is due, not sure how to deal with & be supportive. |
t3_1ynoyb | relationship_advice | [M/20] don't know how to break radio silence to her [F/20] | Last year, I got to know this girl (let's call her Alice for now) since we visited the same course in college. Alice was nice, but we didn't talk much, since we never met outside lectures. A few weeks later a friend of her asked me over facebook to ask Alice out. It sounded nice and I was actually quite happy about the encouragement (wouldn't have done it without that).
So I asked her out and we went to the cinema (might not have been the best choice), talked a bit on the way to the bus station. In the following days we wrote lot over Facebook, met several times, including the campus party. Then, after another movie visit I asked her if you could count that as a date (I know it was tactically horrible). After a short moment of silence, her answer was like "No, please banish that thought from your mind." then she got on the bus and was away.
It was not that I had a crush on her, but on the ride home I felt horribly alone and broke into tears.
I wrote her a few days later, she apologized, saying, **not that she did not have interest in me, but she needed to take some time for me to gain her trust**. But then summer break came and we didn't see each other for two months plus, for some reason I didn't write her anymore. The next semester I hardly saw her, since I had to redo some lectures. Over the last 6 months only saw each other 2 times.
Somehow I'd like to get back in contact with her, but I feel bad for keeping silent for so long. Also I really feel awful in front of her, since I had some serious motivation problems and haven't passed any exams in about a year while she is a very good student.
Actualy I don't even know what my actual problem is. | Met a nice girl, things got a bit awkward (nothing that involves body contact happened between us), haven't really spoken to her in about 8 months, would like to get back in touch but don't know how. |
t3_2wufo4 | relationships | My gf [f18] and I [m20] broke up and she is thinking about working things out. What should I do if anything while she thinks about it? | So I finally slept over with my girlfriend the other night. Surprisingly we didn't do anything sexual, just cuddle. I got up to go to the bathroom when I came back she was sleeping with her dog and told me to sleep in the corner (we were sleeping on the couch). I got mad at that and walked out and drove home.
Next day we argue it out and end up breaking up. Today we talked again and I realized I messed up by overreacting. She says she lost the faith and trust in what we could have been. We talked for a bit more and she said she will genuinely think about getting back together.
I'm at a point in the relationship where I genuinely care about her but wouldn't be devastated if she said no. I still want her back though and don't know how I should act or what I should do at this point. Give her space? Show up at her house? Even simple stuff like say goodnight and goodmorning. Any advice? | walked out on my girlfriend in the middle of the night because she chose the dog over me. We broke up and now she is thinking about forgiving me. What do? |
t3_3emggj | AskDocs | Stepped on earrings, what should I do? | My gf accidentally dropped/left a brand new set of earrings lying on the ground (5 pairs to be exact) and the the heel of my foot stepped on all 5 pairs, I fell to the ground and I noticed that I left blood on the floor. I think the bleeding stopped but it still hurts like hell. I was just wondering if it good to just clean it with alcohol and then band-aid it up? I'm not sure how infection works with the foot, I tried googling it but it just told me to seek a foot surgeon immediately after puncture wounds. What does reddit advise? | stepped on 5 pairs of earrings, how do you prevent infection from a (foot) puncture wound? (probably stupid question but kind of just confirming here) |
t3_2p85xx | relationships | Me [00 M/F] with my ___ [00 M/F] duration, short-description | I've liked this girl in orchestra for a year. We're pretty good friends, and thats all there's really been to it. There's been some light flirting, but I don't think it really means anything and I doubt she likes me back. I haven't told anybody about it, because I thought that if I refused to acknowledge it then it would eventually go away. The past week or so, I haven't been able to hide it, and I was completely terrified, so I told her we can't be friends anymore, hoping that if we stopped talking and hanging out then I wouldn't think about her as much.
I didn't tell her the reason I decided to break off the friendship, so she just sent me a text telling me how confused she is. I feel awful, and know she deserves some kind of explanation, but I don't know what I could possibly say to her that won't make her feel bad about the whole situation. Even though it's not her fault in any way, she's the kind of person that always wants to help, and blames herself for everything if there isn't something she can do to fix the problem. If anybody could help, I'd appreciate it! | Broke off friendship with a girl I've been suppressing romantic feelings for. She deserves some kind of explanation, but idk how to explain things without hurting her |
t3_1m6z9x | relationship_advice | SO[28/m]'s obviously don't like me[22/f]. Do I keep trying? | My partner and I have only been together for a few months but we love each other and I imagine we'll be together for a long time. He has a lot of female friends which isn't a problem, there's just this one group of girls (probably some of his best friends) who are consistently rude to me. We go to uni with them and I've been trying to be friends with them for months now but all I get back is utter snobbery. They'll say hi if I'm with my partner but even after spending time at a house two of them share, they'll still walk straight past me without saying hi at uni unless I say hi first, which I usually do. A friend at uni told me a few days ago that they're probably just jealous because my partner and one of them were into each other a while ago but he decided she's too much like a sister. She also they hate how much time we (SO and I) spend together. So I'm feeling much less inclined to attempt any kind of friendship with them except that they're good friends of my SO and I'd really like for us all to be able to hang out without them excluding me from conversations and talking to me in a patronising manner (they are more informed on current issues and politics than I am but seem to go out of their way to demonstrate it). I haven't mentioned any of this to my SO because I don't want to seem like I'm trying to separate him from his friends. They're good friends to him and I don't want to negatively influence their relationships. I just don't know how to proceed... Do I continue being friendly and hope their attitudes change or adopt a completely indifferent attitude towards them?
Also, sorry for the somewhat trivial issue. I'll just mention that I'm a pretty insecure person who has trouble making friends and that maybe I'm over-reacting. Maybe my shy behaviour is coming across as stuck-up and they don't know how to approach me... I don't know. I'm confused and would appreciate advice on how to best handle the situation and honest criticism - tell me if I'm being a crazy person. | SO's friends obviously don't like me being around for no reason I am aware of. Do I maintain friendliness or become indifferent? |
t3_2r552i | relationships | My(27M) girlfriend(26F) spent New Years eve describing how horrible of a person I am and how she didn't know who I really was. | I took my girlfriend(dating a little over one year) out to an nice restaurant for New Years eve where we ate great food and had a fantastic time. We didn't have any plans for afterwards and I had been invited to a coworker/friend's house for a New Years party.
Some back story is required pretty much everyone at my small IT takes an irreverent approach to humor (Cards against Humanity is a common game at company events). My girlfriend is what I would describe as a feminist but I've never actually seen her get offended about a joke.
Anyway, just as a pro-cation, I warn her that things could get beyond her taste at said party and we establish safe word for if she wants to leave. We go to the party where everyone else had been drinking a bit and were playing a fairly non-politically correct card game (Lots of jokes about sex, dirty things, one guy I didn't know said something about rape ounce or twice that I did not find funny).
She pretends to have a good time, looks at her phone a lot plays along with the game... all is well with the world... or so I think. We leave around 2am and she informs me that she felt extremely uncomfortable the entire time and was extremely offended and doesn't talk to me the entire ride home. Once we get home, she tells me she can't believe I was laughing at some of the jokes that were told during the game and she can't believe I couldn't tell she was uncomfortable and wanted to leave. She also brought up that she broke up with a past boyfriend for doing something similar... she brought this up six times.
She never once informed me that she wanted to leave nor brought up the safe word we established. She came over and apologized profusely the next day but I still can't help feeling crushed. I'm not sure where to go from here. I feel like the bringing up of her past break up was very threatening and I can't get some of the incredibly hurtful things she said out of my head. Here's to starting 2015 with a mild case of depression. | Played non-pc card game at New Years Party. Got called a terrible human being by SO for laughing at shock humor jokes. |
t3_graaw | AskReddit | Reddit, I just got offered a higher-paying job I don't really want. Can I use this to get a raise? | I just got offered a job that pays WAY more money, around 30-50% more. The problem is, I don't think I really want the job. What I'm doing now is probably more fun, I like the people I work with, and I'm not really craving change.
However, I'm finding it hard to turn down the money. I'm living comfortably now, but this would definitely improve my quality of life in some ways. (Better apartment, more vacations, etc.)
I'm thinking about bringing this offer to my boss and asking for a raise. I don't think there's any way they would go as high, but even if I got a 10% raise, it would make me feel better about turning this down.
I've heard of people doing this, but I've never tried it and I'm a bit nervous. I'm worried that I'll seem like a dick, I guess. Also, I've only been at my current job about a year, so I'm not exactly essential to the team (although I have been performing well).
Has anybody ever tried this before? How did it go? Will I end up looking like a fool when they find out I'm not really willing to leave for the other job?
If it matters, both jobs are software engineering positions, but in significantly different fields (hence the salary difference). | Has anyone tried to use a higher-paying job offer to negotiate a raise? Did it go *okay*? |
t3_4gpizu | relationships | Me [29 M] Having trouble meeting women and going on dates due to an insulated social circle. How can I find candidates I want to date? | For a good 5 years I was dateless. My social circle comprised of women in relationships and men. While I do attend social events, many of the candidates I see are younger than me and I am very picky about the age difference (4 years).
I was recently in a relationship that happened out of a blue where a friend of a friend I never really talked to before made an off hand comment which lead to us dating. Now that relationship has ended I'm at a loss with trying to meet available women that I want to date. It's almost as if life decided to cut me some slack and just handed me a girlfriend. Now I have to go and try to make my own luck with this which I have been woefully unsuccessful in the past.
The issue is that I work two jobs. One job has me out of the house for at least 11 hours. While the second job has me working weeknights. My co-workers and either really young or really old and as such their social circles reflect their age groups and thus not interested in dating. Because of my working hours, my free time are usually in the mid week during early morning and late afternoon hours or sunday evenings as such It's difficult for me to take up extra activities such as dance lessons as they take place while I'm working. As such I just spend my free time working on side gigs for extra money as I have no idea on how to try to find and get dates with women on a Wednesday afternoon. | I'm suck seeing the same friends and co-workers over and over again, with little few opportunities to meet new people. I want to at least start dating but I can't even women who could at least shut down my advances. |
t3_4a707y | relationship_advice | I'm a [23/m] and my girlfriend [24/f] has a slutty past that is making me lose control mentally regulary | How to start? we met on tinder like 8 months ago and everything has been great until now.. when she told me how her past was and that she has had sex with over 20 i didn't mind when we were starting out but now that she is always on facebook talking to her ex-fuckbuddies i just feel like she is cheating on me whenever i'm not looking.
I start thinking about how she betrayed me at random and sometimes when she forgets to log out of facebook i go through her messages.. which is wrong i know but then i see that she was talking to one of her ex-fuckbuddies and asking him to come to her work and catch up??? like really is this fucking normal or am i just going insane with jealousy? its 04:13 in the morning here and i decided to sleep on the couch to get some message forward that i am not happy but i just have to speak my mind.
I have tried talking about this to my GF but she just starts crying every time and i end up feeling bad. Should i just end it now? i would not normally ask this because if i was in my right mind i would do it but i have developed feelings for her the last months and think i love her. | my girlfriend has a slutty past and is messaging ex-fuckbuddies on facebook nonstop and asking them to meet her without my knowledge, what is the best thing for me to do in this situation? |
t3_3c7pc2 | relationships | Please help me [23 F] stop questioning and nagging my fiance [23 M] of three years? | My fiancé, we'll call him Sam, and I have been together for three years.
A little backstory...
My first serious relationship was extremely emotionally abusive. I'm not trying to justify my behavior because of it, but that may help explain where I "learned" this behavior.
Now, I'm with Sam, and whenever he goes out with his friends or coworkers on the weekend, even if he's not drinking, it feels as if my subconscious is always whispering to me that I have to know everything of what he's doing, where he's going, and with who. Because if I don't know, I can't monitor what's going on, and if not, it eats at me until I demand to know. I also have anxiety, so that makes it harder for me to control the worries I have.
He doesn't deserve that. He has never done more than a small fib here and there. He's always treated me well and he's never given me any reason to believe I couldn't trust him or that he would cheat on me. It's just the urges I have to constantly question and nag him.
In the past with other relationships, I've always been right in this "digging," because there was always something to hide (cheating, big lies, etc.). With Sam, it's different. There's nothing I'm going to find. But I can't stop.
My question is...how do I control this? All it does it cause fights and tension between us when we have something that's otherwise so beautiful. I don't want to push him away. We have a son together and a beautiful family, and I want to spend my life with this man, but this is no way to start a life together or to treat the one you love. Please help me control myself. | I can't stop questioning my fiancé when he goes out with friends even though I know I can fully trust him. Help? |
t3_r5toe | AskReddit | When did you realize you were just over an ex? | I'm happy with my life and I'm in love with my SO, but I've never fully gotten over my ex...Until this very moment. I don't have a facebook, I loath fb, but today I made one.
Like I said, I never really got over my ex, the moment I told that person to go to hell I never saw that person again, never had any sort of contact with that person for over the last two years. We don't have any common friends so it was really easy and the fact that I've never had a fb made it easier to avoid this person..However, this always left me with a 'what if' kind of feeling. What if we had stayed together, what if this person hadn't cheated on me? I mean, I spent four years with this person so I guess it's normal to wonder right?
So today I created a fb just to find out what happened to this person..Yes, just to stalk them. And turns out the ex married the girl that ruined our relationship (the one ex cheated on me with). And while looking at them and how happy they are it occured to me..I would never have been that happy with the ex. I never was that happy with the ex. Even if no one cheated we would not have been together today.
Ha! I'm free, no more wondering what if. I know now. So Reddit when did it hit you that you were indeed over someone you thought you could never get over? | Four year relationship ended due to ex cheating. No contact for 2 years and always wondered what if. Found ex on fb and found out ex is now married. No longer wondering what if. |
t3_43s1zf | relationships | Me [25F] with my friend [26M] of 4 years, should I ditch this jerk? | My friend, who I met back in college, has always had issues. He says he has an anxiety disorder with some mild OCD, but Ive always suspected there's more going on due to his depressed behavior and social awkwardness.
We hang out about once a week. Usually in a small group, which has gotten smaller due to people moving. (And, admittedly, some bein tired of his 'rules' when we hang out.) We talk over text and IM about 2-4 times a week.
50% of the time, he's great. Thoughtful, funny, and a cool dude. The other 50%, he's a jerk. And it's getting worse. I don't know if is because he and I have grown closer as other people left the friend group and started hanging out, or what.
Jerk how? Well.
1. You can't ask him how he's doing/if he had fun on a day off/how he's feeling. He'll lecture you about how it never changes, will flat out ignore the question, leave early, or just say no.
2. If you slip and forgot, asking him about his day, he'll dub you frustrating and be rude.
3. If I talk about something that happened to me that day, as in a normal, "Hey! I did this and it was interesting. I brought it up because you enjoy this too!" He will claim I am talking at him and not to him.
4. He rarely makes the effort to initiate conversations, but complains of you go too long without contacting him.
5. He will sometimes decide his view or opinion of something is right, no debate.
He doesn't have many friends, so I'd feel bad about cutting out of his life like others did. But as time goes on, he starts to make me feel stupid and like I need to apologize for any little thing. Should I try and talk it out? Or cut out since he's been like this for over 6 months now? | 50% of the time, my friend is acting like a jerk. Should I try to repair the friendship or walk? |
t3_1x8vcq | relationships | My father [45M] is giving my family and I [19M] a hard time | so my family and I have been long awaiting for my father to return from prison. When he finally came several months ago, we were happy.
But then for some reason he changed, he suddenly started acting like a total jerk to my family. One thing is he's been really selfish with my sister, and their relationship is pretty bad. He always complains that she sits around texting when she actually helps my mom clean around the house, while he does nothing.
I don't understand why he's been treating my sister this way.
My dad has also been giving me a hard time. When I have to drive him somewhere to run an errand, he's always criticizing my driving and how I'm terrible at it, yet he doesn't put an effort to go to the DMV to get his permit to have a driving license to get a job.
He has also promised my family that he wouldn't drink again and broke that promise 2 weeks ago, when he decided to drink with his cousins.
He's been treating us like this for months now and I don't know what to do, he's always calling my family lazy and doesn't put effort in looking for a job. Because of this, he's been having constant arguments with my mom. I don't want him to argue with her anymore. I've had enough. What could I do to make the relationship between my father and family, better again? | dad started acting horrible with my family, a few months after he came back from prison. How can I make our relationship good again? |
t3_3lpcs1 | askwomenadvice | 28M - 2 dates in 1 week. Texted back and forth. It was fine. Then the replies stopped. Been 5 days now. Why the abrupt end? | Chance meeting led to a couple of fun dates in a week. Everything was going fine. Even had "that" conversation about starting off as friends first and then "maybe more".
Out of the blue, she stops replying on the 10th day? I did not flood her inbox or send any weird texts, because I respect her privacy and personal space.
The last I heard from her (as part of a normal text conversation), she said she will finish two presentations and then plan her weekend when I told her I wanted to see her this weekend. That was tuesday. Today is Sunday and no replies whatsoever.
Women of reddit, what gives? I am genuinely intrigued and want to know. We are both well established, stable grown ups (same age) so why the sudden u-turn? A simple text/call would have sufficed, no? | Stellar dates with her confirmation. Back and forth texts full of mirth. Abrupt end to texts on Tuesday. No contact till date. Want to know what I did wrong and how to aovid these situations. |
t3_20lc50 | relationships | I (19m) have a psychopath of a sister (17f) that torments my mother (57f) and might make me lose my cool one of these days. | I made a throwaway account for this, I don't think anyone would recognize anyone in this story, but just to be safe I made one. I am a 19 year old who is still living with my mother (money issues, can't move out for a few years) along with my sister in a 2 bedroom apartment.
The last year or so my sister has gotten really bad. I swear to god she is a psychopath, I hate her, my mother says she hates her, when she can't get what she wants or something doesn't go her way she will scream on the top of her lungs, break things, or attack my mother. The cops have been called more then once because of her screaming.
For the majority of the time I have been able to keep my cool and not intervene, I just let my mom take the abuse because what can I do really? I once put her in her place by chasing her up the stairs and telling her to shut up, I then pushed her into her room (not enough to hurt her, just to get her out of my face) and she then called 911 on me. The whole time before and after the call calling me a loser and saying I have no life. The cop basically said you're a kid, listen to your mother to her, which basically changed nothing.
I don't care about what she thinks of me, I'm just so fed up with the constant screaming and her disgusting attitude, when I'm able to live on my own I plan on having no type of relationship with her. I hate her. | My sister is crazy and I can't do anything about it while my mother takes the brunt of her abuse, and we have to live with constant screaming. |
t3_1v4tko | relationships | Girl (19F) I (19M) keeps leading me on, What should I do? | So i met a girl a couple months ago at my university who I have a crush on, we hooked up a while ago, she told me she didnt want anything to do with her FWB anymore and wanted me, then she told me the next day she didnt want to get attached because she didnt want to get hurt. This led to bad feelings from both ends and we stopped talking much.
Fast forward to this weekend, she ends things completely with this friend from before, and I know for sure about this cause shes told me right infront of him. That night when she ended things, she came to me crying telling me she was sorry put walls up and pushed me away and wants a second chance. We make out and decide to talk about it the next day. Next day she comes to me saying that she cant do anything with me cause supposedly a friend has called dibs on me and has a crush on me. She didnt tell me a name or anything but the friend has to get over me before she can look at us. This obviously kinda crushed me.
So what should I do in the situation? Shes an amazing girl and I really like her but idk what to do :( just be friends or move on? | Girl likes me, I like her back, but friend wants me so she doesnt want to go against "Girl Code"... |
t3_2rra2a | tifu | TIFU By being forgetful | So this just happened half an hour ago. Its 8 pm here. I am an undergrad starting my final semester.. was going to my friend's place for a stay over. Took a ticket till my friend's stop in train. in my country we dont have rotating doors or auto vendors.. just counters for tickets. I bought ticket and boarded the train and went till my stop. Climbed down and got checked by the station conductor. Fuck! I lost my ticket which i had kept in my wallet when i had boarded the train. He detained me and asked me for 260 of our currency while i had only 100. If i did not pay i would be put in confinement. There were atms nearby and he told me to fetch cash while my stuff would be with him. Unlucky as i am, none of the atms nearby worked. Damn i panicked and called my friends. Three of them were not able to come to my aid. Finally the fourth guy said he would be able to come but had only a 100. So i asked him to come with the cash and ran back to the conductor to plead to reduce the fine. I convinced him somehow and paid the cash on me. My friend arrived with the 100 and i thanked him. Then i called my dad to let him know. Finally as i was leaving after this ordeal i effing realized i had a pass that cover the whole journey for a month and it was valid... i am an absolute moron :'( | bought train ticket.. lost it and got caught. Paid the fine. Forgot i had a pass for the entire month. |
t3_39x804 | tifu | TIFU by showing up early for my study abroad program. | So this happened a few years ago, but I was studying in France for a semester and after my 8 hour flight over, plus 2 hours from Paris to the town I was in, I decided to check an old email to see where the school was. That's when I saw that it said today was a national holiday, and to show up AFTER this date. So here I am sitting at a bus stop in the middle of town, still trying to find the school, and no phone. I found the tourism office, they pointed me to a hostel, and after I sat down my bags I was able to explore town for a few hours and find the school, although no one was there.
Next day I get up early, go to school, and as expect to move into my dorm. As soon as I walked in the school someone approaches me saying worried "are you LeGama?" uhh, yea why? Well apparently when my parents didn't hear back from me, because I was going to call from school when I got there, they started freaking out and called the school and embassy to find me... I was even put on an embassy watch list in case I was kidnapped. A week later I was woken up by my dorm manager, because the french police had called looking for me, because they were not updated that I was not lost.
Although turns out it was the schools fault anyway, because we were required to send them our itinerary, because they wanted to check to make sure people didn't do stuff like this. | showed up early in another country and had to stay the night in a hostel, freaked out parents and got put on an embassy watch list. |
t3_1ksro2 | relationships | My wife [28/F] and Me[33M] are taking a break from our marriage (of 4 years). Thinking about future. | We've been married for 4 and half years. We've managed to get through a number of obstacles including me completing a University course part time (which impacted on our personal time), her mental health issues which we have dealt with together and via counseling. Whilst I was studying she had strong feelings for a work colleague but he rejected her. She was honest about everything and we worked together to get past this.
I thought things were going okay. However, after a week away she said that she was going to move out. She needs time overcome her anxieties and to be responsible for herself, and believes living alone will help her focus on this.
She mentioned that she has had more impulses for other people (post her work colleague) and said a monogamous lifestyle was possibly not for her. I don't have a problem with people having impulses - I know I am attracted to other women but would never to anything to compromise my marriage. I still deeply love her, but now I'm questioning her feelings towards me. And I don't want to be in a one-sided relationship.
Despite my feelings (shock, annoyed, sad, embarrassed) - I still feel mentally strong and I am thinking about the future. At the moment I feel like I don't want to continue the relationship, but am prepared to try and resolve our issues and have agreed to go for marriage counseling. However as this is not the first time her feelings have drifted, I feel I'm losing trust in the relationship which I don't like. Interested to hear from people that have been in similar situations. | Married for 4 years. Wife moved out to overcome anxieties and take control of her life. Thinking about the future and trying to understand what I want. |
t3_3iz2cc | relationships | GFs Mother Strangling our Relationship | Let me read you into my [M17] situation: my girlfriend [F18, been together 8 months now] has divorced parents. Her father's married to another woman and both live happy lives. They both have jobs, run a clean household and have 5 pets and some 8 more chickens to happy the place up. I really like spending time there, even if my girlfriend is not around.
Her mother is married to her ~4th partner now. They both have no job and make money from the government, they are also in this program where a 3rd party takes all incomes, puts some apart to save and give some to the household to spend. They are too childish to even save money on their own. They own an ex-police drug dog who went rogue and now unfairly assumes people use drugs, and he attacks them. He attacked me about 2 hours after I set foot in her mothers home. It's a messy place and the couple smokes cigarette after cigarette, never really doing any work. On top of that, her body is covered in tattoo's and piercings. I don't even like the idea of my girlfriend being there.
As you see, I have a clear preference for who my favourite family is. My girlfriend stated that her mother is also not her type, but it's her mother. That's the only reason they even talk, and also the only reason I go there time to time.
Here's my problem: the mother is not happy with me for some unknown reason. I've done all textbook things: I played games with them, done the dishes, made myself feel at home but no, it's not good enough. My girlfriend has a friend over at her mothers place some time ago and has told me that her mother actually tried to couple them together. I trust my girlfriend and our relationship enough to know that won't ever happen. I've told my girlfriend that that was the drop, and I no longer want to go there. She says she understands the situation, but her mother will probably react to it. What should I do? Any Redditors in a comparable situation, how did you handle it? | girlfriends mother tried to hook my girlfriend up to another guy because she doesn't like me, even though I treat her the same as any other person. What should I do? |
t3_10hpvi | relationships | [19m] I want to be more than friends with [20f] | We met in college last year living in the same dorm. This girl quickly became one of my best friends, and one of the few friends I've actually made. A couple weeks ago we were hanging out, and at some point in the night I got in my mind I wanted to kiss her. (I'd thought about being more than friends before but never too much) so I kiss her on the cheek, so it's not so bad if she didn't want to, responds by saying my name in a breathless whisper as she pulls me closer and we made out for a while. Fell asleep together, and have stayed a few nights together since, mostly just sleep/cuddling never past 2nd base (she doesn't want sex yet) she doesn't want an exclusive relationship though I really do, I'm willing to be just an ambiguous whatever/friends that sleep together. But the past couple days it seems she doesn't want to be around me as much. I understand she needs her own time/space and have been very clear with her about that. But I'm worried that she's slipping away, that I made it too easy and she's lost interest. Any girl I'm into gets only the best treatment. So am I crazy for thinking its my fault? Is there even anything to worry about? Can I salvage this vague FWB, or at least our friendship? If so how? | close friend, recent making out/SLEEPING together. I want more, worried I fucked it up. Am I too good? |
t3_3cwz16 | personalfinance | I've been working at startup for 6 months, how do ask for equity before A round funding? | Hi all -
I'm the head sales / client services person for a tech start up, and have been working there almost 6 months getting paid very little. We have been doing really well as a business since I joined, and are approaching an A round very soon. I can safely say I have been pivotal to this company as I am mostly responsible for every meeting and sale. When I joined, I took on the job assuming I would get equity in the company (first startup experience after leaving grad school), but I have yet to see it in paper. I am coming up on my 6 months and have asked for a performance review and to discuss my future within the company. I love the team I work with and am thrilled about my future with them, but I feel as though I should be treated as an owner given my financial sacrifice and hard work.
Here are some questions:
1) How do I ask for equity?
2) As a sales / client services person, how much should I ask for?
3) Is an appropriate time to ask before we go to venture? | I've been a big part of a tech startup for 6 months without equity contract written up, how do I ask for it now before we go to investors? |
t3_2usjbz | relationships | Me(28 m) should I stay friends with someone I've been seeing/hooking up for a possibility of a future or move on from her (22 f) | Here's the run down she "broke" it off about a month ago and told me she wants to just be friends. I care about her a little to much. She wants to still talk and hang out. In all honesty, after someone says they want to be just friends after hooking up/ being together for about a year and a half, do you think there is a chance of more then a friendship to happen? Or just move on and forget about?
Side note she wants to go clubbing this Saturday just her and I. This being the dilemma. I don't know if its a good choice to go. | someone I was seeing doesn't to be anything more then friends. What do you do... Hope for more in the future or move on and stop talking to her? |
t3_f1l36 | AskReddit | Why do humans dis-like exercising? | Clarification, I'm talking more as a biological drive rather than habitual. Thinking about how humans have evolved and other explanations for human desires it's always struck me as odd that humans would rather lay around then exercise.
Here's my main point of confusion. In terms of diet humans are driven to eat fats and sugars. One of the most common reasons for this desire I've heard/read is that fats and sugars have a larger energy to volume ratio. The larger density makes it desirable to our bodies because our bodies naturally want to store this energy to be used if food becomes scarce. Starvation prevention, so to speak. If you follow this line of thinking with exercise, it seems counter intuitive. Exercise would make us better care takers for our children, being able to follow and look after them better, pick the up easier, etc. It would make us better hunters, better protectors, and if we could get more work done quicker, better farmers and producers. All of this in the hunter-gather sense of human existence. So, if exercise would improve our chances for survival, why are humans more driven for temporary joy on a couch with a bag of cheetos? Shouldn't our internal sense of self preservation drive us to run, lift and become physically superior?
Also, just to clarify .. I'm not a nutritionist and only have moderate research into most of the topics I'm talking about. So I'm sorry if my thinking is wrong or my terminology is incorrect. I'm sure I'm wrong about something, please correct me. | Most human tendencies drive a person for survival and self preservation, but even though exercise would increase these odds humans are still driven to sit on the couch and become fat and lazy, why? |
t3_3ci8ha | Parenting | Issues with in-laws and vaccination | I know I've read posts like this on here before, but am looking for some unbiased guidance.
We have two sons 3.5 years and 4 months. Our 4 month old was born premature and after a devistating time in the NICU (2 collapsed lungs along with a huge array of issues), we made a very clear rule that no adult could see the baby without their TDAP booster, and he would remain away from unvaccinated children until he was fully vaccinated.
The big problem with this is that my husbands sisters (plural) don't agree with vaccinations and thus their 5 (combined) children are unvaccinated.
We lived out of state with our first until he was over a year and over the vaccination hump before they were ever around him, so we never had to deal with this the first time.
My husband and I (after countless messages/conversations) sent out a mass email to all his family members explaining the importance of his health first and foremost and we would not allow him around adults unless 1. They've had their TDAP booster or 2. Until he is fully vaccinated against Whooping Cough. In addition, we would not allow him around children unless 1. They were vaccinated or 2. Until he is fully vaccinted.
They all seemed to understand, but now my mother-in-law is planning Thanksgiving (my baby will be 9 months) and is expecting the baby to be there (around the other children). It's as if she pretends we never had a discussion about this in the first place.
Anyway, I guess I'm just looking for guidance on how to deal with the in laws. We are very strong in our beliefs and have done lots of research on the matter. We are pretty sick of reiterating ourselves, but at the same time trying to tip toe as to not hurt feelings. | We won't let our infant around unvaccinated children. My in laws have only unvaccinated children. They keep trying to make us concede and have him around them earlier than we feel comfortable* |
t3_1edc8f | offmychest | You ever get that feeling? | That one day the world will ask too much of you, that one day the world will dry up. That doors will close. Failure will be objective, and absolute.
I'm over the depression and anxieties that made (what was actually) the last eight years of my life miserable. But that one big giant nebulous fear that hangs over me still. I'm working, I'm even going out of my way to make friends, meet people and do things. These last few months have been really good, especially since I started sleeping better.
But I have to get this off my chest. The thought still brings me to tears. I am going to be exhausted despite all that I am capable of. I will live alone, die alone. Stare the finality of my own life head-on and die peacefully albeit bitter and alone. No that is not a contradiction. I will live bitterly, live angry, live fighting to appease some half-baked ideas. I will not be loved. The barriers might be too heavy. I will not look back on a life not lived. If I do I think I will know it's too late.
The problem is in not knowing the future of course, something we all worry about I'm sure. I wish I could know if I will win or not. But that is the destiny we make ourselves. Nobody but us can change our own lives.
Somehow I feel that even with that as a reality, that I am destined to fail anyway. I will never be good enough. I do not want other people to suffer because of my own inadequacies. I would sooner die than have anything important rest on me. Even when my career has meant I sometimes handle things of that importance and get by anyway.
I'm worried about a youth I will have wasted, times and opportunities squandered. The idea of being a victim makes sense, perhaps I really and truly was a victim in a number of times in my life. But like anyone with any sense of self-worth I refuse to see myself as a victim. But what I'm wrong? What If I really am a victim and am not seeking help for it. | The enormity of my own life I fear is too much. It's probably not. It's probably nothing. But I need to get it off my chest. |
t3_3fc2d5 | relationships | I[23F] saw my boyfriends[23M] internet history and a lot of it was Erotica about older men in power position taking advantage and having sex with underage girls. | We've been dating for three years and things are going fine, I was browsing the internet on his computer when suddenly a site dropped down while I was writing in a url and it peaked my interest.
It was a site Kristen Archives and the story was about a 14 year old girl getting pressured into sex by her brother and father.
I was a little shocked and I went into the history and saw a lot of stories and most of them dealt with teachers, older family members, bosses, strangers having sex or raping underage teen girls, one was even about a teacher having sex with both underage boys and girls.
What do you think about this and what should I do, do you think I should confront him? He's a lovely man, and has never shown a hint of violence towards me or anyone we know, I myself enjoy porn videos which deals with struggle fucking but the underage thing makes me a little nervous. | My boyfriend reads a lot of erotica about underage girls being taken advantage of by older men, I don't know how to deal with it. |
t3_zexe9 | relationships | I [24f] have been dating my bf [25] for 4 years now. Totally not cool to hint at the big question? | So we've been dating for 4 years, and are living together. Both of us are happy and we've discussed marriage and our future. Now, I'm done with school and have a great job. My bf has been done with school for awhile and just recently has gotten a steady job (which unfortunately is far away and only pays $12). He owes me about two grand since he was unemployed for awhile, but has been paying me back since he's had steady income. Now, I get that he's in debt to me and whatnot, but I don't want him to *not* propose just because he might think I want something really expensive. In all honesty just a simple band (that doesn't contain nickel-as I'm allergic) that would cost maybe a few hundred-if that.
Am I totally out of line to bring this up? Bring the hate! | Would like a proposal, worried that he isn't simply because he might think I want something that's like a thousand dollars (which I do not), totally uncool to hint at wanting to take the next step? |
t3_42mmo7 | relationships | F 27, M 28, together ~4 years. my boyfriend wants me to write a check that his ass demands to cash (nsfw-ish) | I've been with my boyfriend for about four years, and when things started out he was extremely...vanilla. Being no stranger to kink, I attempted to introduce him into bdsm and some more interesting aspects of sex.
Fast forward to a few months ago, and he wants me to start putting a finger in his ass. I say "great! You'll love it!" And he does.
Soon, one finger isn't enough so he wants two. Then he wants four. Then he wants a fist. Then he wants a soda can and a strap on at the same time. He wants it to bleed. He wants it to stretch, he wants more and more.
I can't handle the blood. I can't handle the extremes that he is looking for, but I feel like is getting to the point where he doesn't want to have sex unless I'm literally tearing his ass a new one.
I don't know, maybe this is the wrong sub for this, but I'm at a loss. When I met him he was so put off by the thought of something in his ass he would stop any and all sex if I even suggested it. | my boyfriend only wants to have sex if I have my fist in his butt and I don't want to do it anymore :( |
t3_2opnbx | relationships | I [21/F] feel like I can't enjoy my relationship with my SO [21/M] because I'm constantly worrying about where it's going and if we're going to break up | I've been in a relationship with a great guy for about 5 months now, and everything seems to be going well. This is my first serious relationship since high school, and obviously relationships as an adult are different than they are in high school, so this feels all new to me.
However well things seem to be going, my mind just gets caught up in the future. We're both graduating from college in a couple months, and both of us are planning on staying in the city that we currently live in (not only because of each other, we have other things keeping us here too). But I keep thinking about where our relationship will be at that time and wondering where it's going. Since I'm graduating soon, I've had to seriously think about my future career a lot lately, so of course I start thinking about the future of my relationship as well.
All I can think of is how, when I told my mom about him, she said "well either you'll break up or you'll get married". That just terrifies me. Right now I can say that I would marry him if things continued going this well for at least another year or two, but I feel like a breakup is inevitable since so few relationships that start in college actually work out.
Any time we have a mini-fight (we haven't actually fought about anything serious) or have a day where we're just not communicating well, I get really depressed, and it's exhausting. Obviously this isn't his fault at all, it's just my own thing that I have to deal with, but I don't know how, since I'm new to serious relationships as an adult. I don't want to need constant reassurance that everything's fine. | I'm too worried about the future of my relationship with my boyfriend to truly focus on being happy with where it is right now. How do I let go of my worries and just enjoy my good relationship now? |
t3_3r1qsj | legaladvice | [CA] Bought brand new car for friend, friend now refuses to accept car | I am posting this for my mother who has found herself in this situation.
Back in July, my mother's friend asked my mother if she could help her purchase a new car. My mom has a habit of helping people out, only to have them screw her over. I have told her multiple times to stop, but she just can't say no. She agrees to help friend out.
They go to the dealership where the friend spends about an hour looking at new cars, and finally decides she wants a 2015 Honda Civic. The deal is that mom's friend is to pay the monthly payments and insurance for the car, but was not put in writing. My mom uses her credit to get approved and they both drive off the lot with the car.
I should have added that the friend is also a neighbor who lives in the same apartment building. Anyways, mom learns that the friend wants to let her husband drive the car as well. Normally it wouldn't be a problem, but the man has no license. My mom tells neighbor not to let unlicensed drivers use the car, as it may have a negative effect on her in case of an accident.
At this point, the friend decides if he cannot drive the car, she does not want it and now has left my mother on the hook for the payments. My mother doesn't like the car and would not like to keep it. Returning it will result in a $3000-4000 loss on her end. The car literally has less than 50 miles on it but it doesn't change the fact that it has depreciated in value.
My question is this, does my mother have a case if she sues the friend for the $3-4k loss she will take if she returns the car? What are her options at this point? | Mom bought her friend a car under the agreement that the friend would pay for the car. Friend then refused after the fact and left mother with the car she has no intention of keeping. |
t3_3k55tl | relationships | How do I get my fiancé to stop spending? | My fiancé and I have combined finances. We earn the same amount of money, and everything comes out of the same pot of money.
We jointly earn £50k a year after tax and travel expenses (£4200 per month) of which £1600 goes towards monthly bills and mortgage.
Leaving £2600 per month to go towards savings, food and luxury expenses.
We have a house, and £10k in savings from the past 3 years.
I feel like we should be in a much better position financially, or at least be having an amazing time together with the money.
He works really hard and so he's argued for a £300/m spending allowance (on top of a football season ticket pass worth £1k) as well as having a taste in wine, which bumps up our grocery budget by £20 per week.
He's a technology/apple fanboy and will make a lawyer's case for getting the latest technology, often 'borrowing' into future spending allowance which annoys the hell out of me...
I on the other hand grew up quite poor, but want to spend money on experiences like meals out and travelling.
I feel like I'm stuck as he spends all his money, then he has nothing left to do anything with me.
I don't want to be surrounded by 'stuff'. I want to do things with him.
I can't take budget away from him, but I don't want to dip into any of our savings either. Every time we talk about money it ends up in a massive argument where I feel like I have to spend less to offset his expensive tastes.
We have a joint spending budget of £200 for meals out. I think that's more than generous. He doesn't.
Help, reddit. What to do? | Fiancé spends too much (in my eyes) on materialistic things, how do I bring him more towards my way of thinking? |
t3_297njg | relationships | I [21M] have been seeing [23F] for nearly 2 months now and she rarely initiates contact with me | I have been seeing/talking to this girl for nearly 2 months now and I have noticed that she rarely initiates contact with me. We've been on numerous dates but the only time she has voluntarily contacted me was a text that wished I had an awesome day at work. It is so rare for her to contact me first that I was actually surprised to receive that text, which forced a stupid smile on my face. When we're together on dates, we seem to have a really good time. We hold hands, we kiss, we've met each others parents, but when the date is over, it's like there is nothing between us unless I contact her first.
Today, we had the day to ourselves and I found out from her that she isn't the person to text a lot since she thinks messaging on Facebook is quicker than texting. That's understandable, but why doesn't she ever message me first? I don't intend to have any deep conversations through messaging but I just want to at least know if she ever thinks of me to message me first.
Because of the infrequent contact between us, I limited myself to contacting her once every 2-3 days. And when I do, it tends to be brief because she doesn't contribute too much to the conversation. I could wait a week and she would never initiate.
I guess it is also important to mention that we are both moving away for an entire year in a month. I'm going to school in a city 6 hours away and she is going halfway across the world to teach in Asia, but we're coming back after it's all done with in a year. We have a month left together until we part. With the way it's going now, it's hard to see us talking at all when we are apart. | The girl I've been talking to for nearly 2 months never initiates contact unless I do it first. How do I get her to initiate contact with me more? |
t3_20og5y | relationships | Me [34 M] with my SO [30 F] Six Months, she suffers from depression and I don't know what I can do to support her. | The first three months were great. It was fall and the weather was still warm, but as soon as this New England winter hit (her first), the affection from her slowly decreased into her only touching me when we have sex (which coincides with her drinking alcohol).
She says she is going through a crisis. At school 12 hours on a weekday and 6 hours on the weekends. I can understand her exhaustion.
This past weekend I found out she reactivated her okcupid account. When I called her out on it, she said that she doesn't feel beautiful and likes the compliments she gets from her morning email. It does hurt me to know that what I say isn't good enough and she seeks out compliments (and probably conversations) from strangers, when I am right here.
I don't know what to do. I ask her why she just doesn't tell me to go and she says because she cares about me. She doesn't show me though. Not at all. I don't feel cared for. I feel betrayed. I don't want to abandon her though. I just want this winter to end and I want my girlfriend back. | Girlfriend suffers from depression, doesn't want to get rid of me, doesn't show me any affection, and seeks compliments online from strangers. |
t3_1fjzte | personalfinance | I'm 19 and I opened my first Credit Card with a $19 annual fee. | At the time, I didn't understand that annual fee's meant paying for a card to own.
It's just a basic Platinum Capital One card with no benefits to speak of and it really has me thinking lately.
I only have two lines of credit, the Capital One card and an Amazon Store card.
Stupidly and unknowingly, I applied for American Express (twice) and got declined both times, thinking an Average Joe can get a card (I was wrong) to think I can get one so easily. So instead of two hard credit checks under my name, I have four within the past 6 months since I got my first credit card.
Now I'm all paranoid about paying that fee for the rest of my life.
I have been thinking of getting a Discover IT card lately but not too sure yet.
My credit Karma score reports as 690 and I always pay my bills and I'm never late on my payments as well. | I have an annual fee card at a young age, it bothers me to no end. What can I do and what alternative routes can I take? |
t3_1z7qxi | relationships | Me [30 F] with my "friends": I keep finding out long term friends want to sleep with me. | So this is very awkward. I don't know how to talk about this without sounding like a conceited jerk. People I thought were close friends keep revealing to me that they are in love/ lusting after me.
Most recently it was a female friend of mine I have know for almost ten years. We were all together with a bunch of friends for a ladies night away from our husbands and significant others. We were all drinking, and she must have been extremely drunk because she cornered me and shoved her hand up my shirt, and confessed she has "wanted to fuck the shit out of (me) ever since (we) met." I was caught totally off guard. She is married and so am I, both of us to men.
This keeps happening to me, and it makes no sense. I'm above average in looks, but I am not at all particularly sexy. I am a nice enough person but I have lots of flaws. I'm not a flirt. I dress comfortable and boring, t shirts, jeans, sneakers, with my hair up out of ease, not style. I don't get it.
There is something I'm overlooking, I'm sure. I have lost so many people I really loved as friends, both men and women. Most of these confessions come during drinking, but they have come sober too. It doesn't happen particularly often, the last time this happened to me was about 5 years ago, but it has happened at least 7 times to me.
I have been happily married for a long time, so I don't think they have the wrong idea. What am I missing here? Why is this happening? What might I be doing wrong? Should I try to salvage the friendship/s? | Several close friends have confessed their interest in me over the years. I feel blindsided everytime, and feel I have not encouraged this interest. Why does this happen? |
t3_1wx7y2 | relationships | Me [18 M] atheist with my Christian [18 F] crush, I think she likes me but I'm worried that she wouldn't be able to cope with my lack of belief. | She goes to my school
Her friend told me that she liked me and that I should consider asking her out
She and I get on well together, at school open evenings we have a good laugh and stuff
I thought about her all Christmas and finally decided to do something about it the other day when I asked her to the formal (like prom for those Americans out there)
I've also been messaging her on Facebook and I got her number the other day .
If I do ever ask her out I want it to last but I don't want to be lying to her about my lack of belief at the same time. Also I've been warned about her parents who are super strict and stuff.
I don't know what to do, I really like her. | I'm atheist, she's I'm texting her and want to ask her out but I'm worried that her strong faith and my lack of faith will result in problems if I want a serious relationship. |
t3_1c95e7 | relationships | How do I [22F] fix my clingyness with my SO[23M]? | So I'm a 22 year old female, and I live with my 23 year old boyfriend of two years. The problem with my relationship now is that I am far to clingy, and it's pushing him away. I only have a few friends and not to many hobbies, while he has much busier then I am. I haven't always been like this, but the more he pulls away the more I hold on. I want to talk to him about it, but I'm afraid its to late for me to fix it. After one of my few friends canceled on coming over tonight, he left to a mutual friends house and would not take me with him. He would not say goodbye, kiss me, or say I love you. I'm afraid I'm to late in addressing the problem. I've been aware that I'm to clingy, I have been trying to not bug him as much and to do things with my friends, and I even signed up to play dodgeball next month on a team, in an effort to get my own thing. However, we have never talked about this. What do I do? How do I fix it? How do I let him know I'm trying to fix it without sounding pathetic or desperate? | I'm way to clingy, and the relationship is at a tipping point. How do I be less clingy and let my SO know I am trying without sounding pathetic/desperate/clingier? |
t3_3rx5wg | relationships | Me [26F] with him [27M] dating 1.5 months, won't hear from him for several days at a time | I'm just wondering if this is normal. We met on a dating app a little less than 2 months ago (not tinder), and have been seeing each other since then pretty much 1-2x per week. I have an extremely busy schedule during the week and his job is not as demanding. We communicate via text primarily but he will usually not text me at all unless it's to make plans, and after seeing each other, I won't hear from him for 2-3 days before he texts me to make plans again. Or I will text him to make plans. I know there is no "normal" in relationships, but is it weird if I want to hear from him more? Even just to ask how I'm doing? He did that a few times at the beginning but now I feel like he knows I'm all in and he doesn't need to try that hard. Or should I just text him asking how he's doing? The thing is that I don't want to crowd him too much since it seems like he's the one who needs space more than I do.
Also, we always have sex after our dates (and sometimes the date is just lying in bed watching a movie), so that makes me want to be more intimate with him and miss him in-between dates. I've also brought up being bf/gf a few times and he's willing to go along with it but seems like he needs more time/space. Am I being too pushy for only 1.5 months in? Sometimes I have this lingering feeling that he's going to drop me at any moment or ghost me, but maybe that's just an insecurity from previous experiences with online dating?
I'll add that he told me he has very limited relationship experience and he did take his dating app down (unless he just unmatched me but he told me he took it down) after I asked him to be exclusive with me.... But the not hearing from him at all for 2-3 days is weird to me | He doesn't reach out for several days at a time, normal or is he just an introvert? Any experience dating someone like this? How can I respect his space but also feel secure? |
t3_422nqs | relationships | Me [25M] having growing attraction to coworker [26F] and fiance [24F] works at the same place. Need Advice. | So I've been with my fiance for 7 years but we now have a nearly palpable hatred of one another and theres a very high chance it's going to end soon regardless of outside attractions.
Girl at work has been what I believe to be pretty flirty with me and I didn't think anything of it at first but have been thinking of her more and more recently.
It seems pretty clear that she's into me joking around a lot telling me about how she's going to break up with her boyfriend, even so far as telling me about her favorite types of porn.
The porn thing kinda threw me through a loop though cause now I'm not sure if she's just uber sexual and doesn't really have any real intentions towards me.
There was one time however where me and my fiance walked into work in the morning together and the girl said good morning to each of us one after another in very different ways, first to my fiance just a flat normal good morning and then a deeper sexier good morning to me which I know I didn't imagine because my fiance commented on it once we were alone.
Anyway not really sure what to do should I continue to flirt and try to get somewhere alone with this person?
I guess either way my feelings for this person is just illuminating how unhappy I am in my current relationship but I probably shouldnt end things by cheating on her ugh life's hard and I'm confused lol. | Unhappy in relationship girl at work maybe probably is into me idk whether or not to pursue it or if there's even anything to pursue. |
t3_4ul6z8 | relationships | My [22F] international friend [26F] had a bad experience with border security and is now afraid to travel | My friend from Germany tried to visit me (Canada) back in 2014 and had a bad run-in with the border security. She was arrested and spent ~12 hours in detention before being deported. She's a young, white woman from a first world western country with no criminal record, so you might be wondering how something like that would happen. Well apparently, when the immigration agent asked her to state her reasons for visiting, she told them it was none of their business (a response that she defends to this day).
She hasn't traveled a lot outside of Europe and she has a bit of a superiority complex where she believes that her country (Germany) is the greatest and all the other countries are corrupt and dangerous. This experience only seemed to feed into that belief.
I'm a first-gen immigrant who has worked overseas, so needless to say, I've done my fair share of international traveling and I understand how border security can be overbearing and difficult sometimes. I'm regularly pulled over for searches and often questioned. I've tried to give her tips on how to deal with them. I've tried to explain to her that these measures, while frustrating, is very important to a country's security. However, she is never open to my advice. She always accuses me of "not being on her side" whenever I do this. The only acceptable response to that event (according to her) is "Canadians are jerks" which is, imo, completely pointless and unhelpful.
This issue recently re-surfaced because her boss mentioned that she might have to travel to US for her work and it is making her very anxious. I feel partially responsible for her bad experience. How do I make her understand without putting her on the defensive? | Friend had bad experience with border security (arrested & deported), how do I give her advice without upsetting her? |
t3_vb8oq | AskReddit | How do you deal with Unrelenting rage? | I'm so furious right now Reddit. I just lost got laid off because "Business is bad" yet I trained a new hire to work with. looks like I trained my own damn replacement.
Last week I broke up with my GF of two years because she was cheating on me with her old ex. This guy is a loser who never has work to do, everything is paid for by his parents and he just does drugs all day. fucking loser.
So my ex moved all her shit out while I was at work, took some of my shit (games, tv, dvd player). And when I moved out yesterday I found out the landlord gave her the damage deposit..which I paid... and It took all day to clean up the apartment...
I just want to break things. I worked hard everyday, 10 hours at school on weekdays plus lots of homework, 8 hour shifts on the weekends as a cook. Now school is out, I have no job. I sit in my parents house all day cause I have no money left after school.
I nearly killed myself with studies this year, pretty sure I have a minor ulcer, and now it seems my reward is to have life shit on me. What should I do Reddit? At the point where I might just find out how much alcohol it takes to get poisoning. | Girl cheated on me, my boss is a douche. And I would love to curb stomp a certain drug addict. RAGE! |
t3_4hsp7x | relationship_advice | HELP! I [F/27] have to say goodbye to my ex BF [M/27] of 6 years for the last time tonight... | I [F/27] have to say goodbye to my ex [M/27] for the last time and give him back his things. I broke up with him because I felt he wasn't the one despite loving him as a friend and I don't know how to handle the situation.
My ex is heartbroken and I feel like an awful person. We also had a cat that we shared that we decided should stay with me. I know he will want to see the cat one last time and say goodbye but I am so upset because I have no idea what to say.
Please help reddit, I feel so guilty and overcome with sadness. | How do I say goodbye to ex BF of 6 years after I broke up with him because he wasn't the one.? |
t3_2toium | relationships | I [22F] wish I was more sexually attracted to people, especially my boyfriend [23M] of 2+ years | I'm typing this on my phone, so sorry for any errors. I also don't know if this is the right subreddit.
I really love my boyfriend. He has made me a stronger person, and inspires me to grow. My love for him is deep. Our sex is great. Yet, even when we're having sex, I'm not sexually attracted to him. I don't feel that desire or energy. I just feel connected. Intimate, but not attracted. I don't know if that makes sense.
In high school, I started to wonder if I was asexual since I wasn't physically attracted to anybody. I can count on one hand the people I've actually been sexually attracted to. And unfortunately, my boyfriend wasn't one of them from the onset. After we developed a good bond, though, did I start wanting to pleasure him.
Is there any way to plop him into the category he deserves? I want to feel that for him. I want to just look at him and feel that pull. Also, should I tell him he didn't blip on my sexually attractive radar? | I've only been sexually attracted to less than a handful of people in my life. Boyfriend is not one of them. What can I do? |
t3_cilti | AskReddit | Has anyone here successfully given up masturbating? | A little background: I am a young male (early 20s). I have been dating the same girl now for a few years, and we are a happy couple with a very satisfying sex life. We have lots of sexual excitement and we both satisfy one another. That being said, I still do jerk it quite often. I'd say I average once a day or so - maybe a little less. She knows I do this, and has no problem with it, especially since I usually do it while looking at some of the pics / videos I have of her (my GF). She pleasures herself on a semi-regular basis as well, and I quite enjoy hearing about it.
I have never put forth a serious effort to quit, because I see no real reason to, however, any time I have "tried" to quit, I have failed. I tell myself "hey maybe lay off for a few weeks" but that usually results in failure since in the moment of desire I see no reason to hold back.
I am just wondering if anyone else has had success quitting, and if it has improved your sex life in any way. I often wondered if a lack of masturbating would make sex even better. If I get confirmation of this, then it might motivate me enough to stop. | I am dating a girl, have a good sex life but I still masturbate a lot. Would my sex life be better if I stopped? |
t3_pt9kq | AskReddit | What legal ramifications, if any, can I expect if I create a website that lists negative but factual information about a specific individual? | Hi Reddit, just some background information for this question: firstly, this happened in Australia, my parked car was hit by someone last year and they left their details (I wasn't there when it was hit), causing approx $1000 worth of damage. I contacted the person and they agreed to cover the cost. I got 3 quotes and went with the cheapest. The person in question then went AWOL by disconnecting their phone etc. Fast forward 6 or so months later, I have served them court papers and they were a no-show at the court hearing. I won by default (I would have won anyway as they admitted fault). Now I cannot find them again to serve them summons papers to have them appear in front of a judge to issue the judgement in my favor and recover the debt.
I am now considering fighting this person with technology. I was thinking of setting up a website that will hopefully appear as No.1 result in google if someone google's their name. This way any future employers can see what type of person they are. If I list only factual information based on the vehicle accident that occured a year or so ago, can I expect to get into any legal trouble (e.g. slandering?).
Would be great to hear from people who have had experience with web slandering and related laws or something similar. | Some idiot person hit my car and is avoiding the debt, can I set up a web site with factual information about their actions in remedying the situation without any legal ramifications to me? |
t3_3dw1ug | relationships | Just broke up with my [17F] first boyfriend [17M]. Can someone talk some sense into my dramatic teenage brain? | We've been very close friends for almost 3 years and only recently started dating the past month, but he has been ignoring me and said that we can't date (or even possibly be friends) anymore, due to issues with his depression. I also found out he was flirting with another girl before we got together and I'm pretty sure he'll be going back to her now that we're through.
The problem is that we're both teenagers and this is my first real relationship, and I fell for him hard. It sounds dumb but I always thought that we were soulmates and this not working out is really making me sad. I'm afraid that I'm not ever gonna find someone who I love as much as him. He was like my best friend and my boyfriend at the same time. We have so much in common and he always made me laugh.
Of course rationally I know there's lots of fish in the sea, but it still hurts and it's the first breakup I've been through so I don't have a frame of reference to compare it to. Do any older redditors have stories about finding someone better after your first relationship? Does anyone remember being my age and feeling like a breakup was the end of the world? Any advice is appreciated. | Just went through my first breakup, feels like I lost my "true love". Could use some stories and advice to put this in perspective. |
t3_zlt1q | dating_advice | should i give this a try? 16m w/ 19f | we've been friends for a while (about a few months, maybe more), but recently we've become really close friends, and i really enjoy her company and i feel like she likes me. we hang out and smoke weed and stuff all the time, and i've kissed her on one occasion. its overall a very fun friendship and would be a very fun relationship. the problem is that she has a somewhat complicated love life right now. an ex boyfriend is making an appearance, and she is going to be spending some time with him soon. she considers this a date. also, she is going on a date with a guy she works with.
my idea is to meet her at her place of work, a mcdonalds that we hang at all the time, right when she gets off work for the day. ill tell her something like this "i've really liked getting to know you and hanging out with you over the past few weeks. i know you have a few dates coming up, but if those don't work out, do you think you might consider dating me?" i also plan on bringing her a flower (maybe a rose? im not sure).
this way i feel as if i'm being respectful, but she'll hopefully think it's cute and maybe it'll keep me on her mind. if i'm really lucky, she might skip out on the other guys. what do you guys think? bad idea? too creepy? do you think it's against her boundaries? i should note that she is just a flirty and active person, and having a few dates lined up for her isn't terribly uncommon.
the difference in age doesn't really ever become an issue. she visits me during lunch at school, and i visit her at work. | a girl i like has a couple dates coming up, but i think i have a chance. should i try and bring her a flower and suggest her dating me? |
t3_syd1d | tifu | TIFU: A series of misfortunate events | This happened a bit back, but here it goes:
I commute to school, and its about a 15 - 20 minute drive from where I live. One day I was really low on cash and had to put gas in my car, so I put what I thought would be enough to get one more trip back and forth before I can get paid and fill it up properly. I made it there no problem, and was about 1/4 of a mile away from my exit on the highway when the car sputtered and died. I pulled over to the shoulder and went over my options. Decided that I could walk to the gas station, get a gallons worth and everything would be fine. Well, I get out of the car and realize that I didn't want to walk that far. Mind you, its raining at this time. So I go to go back in my car, and the door is locked with the keys in the ignition. After about 15 minutes a stranger pulls up in his truck and without saying a word produces a gas can and goes to fill up my car when I stop him because...my gas tank cover has a lock because I had my gas siphoned a few times and the key for that is with the others in my car. Parents finally came to help me out, and spilled gasoline all over me and the car. | Had no gas for 16 mile trip, ran out on parkway, locked self out of car in rain, declined a strangers help because the gas tank was locked, got gasoline accidentally poured all over me by parents |
t3_3fbgg7 | tifu | TIFU by getting creative in my bandmate's bathroom | Sorry, this didn't actually happen today (not sure I could speak of it until now), but happened about three years ago. I was the only girl in a band with 3 guys I met through a post on Craigslist and was just starting to get to know them at the time. Occasionally, we'd go to each other's places, and if it was in town, we'd walk. I'm not very active, so walking with them was always like being the fat kid in elementary school again.
Anyway, here's the fuck up; we decide to walk to the lead guitarist's house that's almost on the entire side of town (fairly big town). I'm huffing just to keep up with them... with a massive urge to pee. Since it was late, all the stores were closed. I knew I would have to wait till I got to his house, so I hurried them the best I could.
We finally arrive, and immediately ask the guitarist if I could use his bathroom. He shows me where it is and I hurry to the porcelain throne. Once the storm is over, I look over and there's no toilet paper! I start freaking out because I don't want to let them know, so I start weighing my options. I'm not the type of girl that can go and stand up without TP, and I'm worried about the smell, so I look around and all I see is a towel and the sink. There was soap in the sink, so I reached over and tried to wash the stuff off with my wet hand. I try to sit and let it dry, but then my other bandmate starts knocking on the door for me to hurry, so I stand up and leave. I'm still wet, and worry the whole rest of the night if they can smell it.
Later mentioned the incident to the guitarist, his response was that he kept it in his bedroom because his roommates would steal it and forgot to give it to me because he never has girls over. | Walk to guitarist's house, he keeps TP in his bedroom, use my hand as substitute and have stinky, wet jeans and embarrassing 3 mile walk back. |
t3_4ua9c1 | relationships | My [21 M] relationship with my GF [21 F] of one year feels like it's about to die and I don't know what to do. | She told me that she fell in love with me because I was so sure about us. She's understood me like nobody else ever has, and that only makes this so much more painful. We've been fighting more and more lately and while she's able to bounce back pretty easily, I feel like the relationship is deteriorating each time. The last fight was particularly bad and I haven't felt the same since then. Something feels like it's missing now. She feels sure about us when she didn't at the start of the relationship and I feel the opposite.
She's oftentimes the sweetest, most caring person I've met, but sometimes she'll shut me out and won't talk to me for a day or two. Then when she talks to me, she acts like nothing happens and won't talk about what upset her.
I feel like she manipulates me and I refuse to live the rest of my life that way.
Regardless of how it ends, it won't be good. I'll either be in a relationship where I'm constantly walking on eggshells and having doubts about whether or not she still loves me or even if I still love her, or it'll end with heartbreak and disappointment because I'm no longer the sure, confident man she fell in love with. I'm not sure what to do. | I think my girlfriend emotionally manipulates me and it's keeping me from being able to decide whether or not to break things off with her. |
t3_2fvv6p | relationships | I (26/M) denied to help my (26/F) GF(8 months) with an issue she was having that could have gotten me in huge trouble(legal). No longer feels "safe". | Hi,
I do not want to give details on what she asked me to do, but it would have been a huge help to her. However, if caught, the punishment would be relatively severe. I was not willing to take the risk she presented me, and things got cold.
I tried to explain to her the risk involved, but she acted as if she had no idea how severe the punishment could actually be and never mind that she even asked. She told me when she asked me if I wasn't comfortable than not to worry about it, but I knew it would be an issue if I said no.
Obviously I declined(and I stand by this decision 100%), but since then I haven't gotten much communication from her until tonight. I brought it up, and she said she needs someone that can make her feel protected. That she feels I only care about myself, and if something were to happen to her, I wouldn't care at all and just be glad I am ok. She basically said she loves me less, but can't separate with me over this issue.
Logically, she knows I am right, but emotionally, logic doesn't matter. Her feelings for me have changed over this and I do not know what to do about it. We are still together, but our connection is obviously weaker than it was.
I want this relationship to continue, even though I feel she is being selfish here, she can't control the way she feels. I just do not know how to continue on. Business as usual? Act as I normally would, or do you guys feel as if her reaction is a huge deal breaker? I am so conflicted. | GF asked me to do sometime with potential legal ramifications, I denied, she feels I only care for myself. Don't know how to continue forward. |
t3_53rsh2 | relationships | Me [20 M] with my classmates [22 M/22F] , the 22m is starting to get touchy violent | So Yeah, first day of class, I added the two people next to me on facebook cuz I wanted to make a study group. two weeks go by and we study well.
Suddenly, the 22m came to school after an all nighter anime binge. He starts asking weird questions like "can I see your korean ID? (to the 22f) (he's a koreaboo/weaboo).She shows it to him but she says "i'll cover the photo cuz I looked bad in hte photo". he grabs the ID card from her and looks at the photo. While pushing her away, he says "wow you're pretty". She screams and he lets go and give the photo back. I said calmy "that's kinda violent yo, I don't think you should do that". He ignores me.
Skip 10 minutes, we go into class. The dude didn't do his homework. I don't know why, but he was messaging me all week asking how to do the homework. (the answer keys are online btw and he knew that). So he grabs mybook and tries to put me in an armlock so he can see the answers. I practice baguazhang and I reverse his group and say "no means no, don't cheat, don't walk that path".
He goes back to his seat and sits there. Oh yeah, he's also a huge guy compared to me. I'm only 5"7 and 140 pounds. he's about 5"7 and 160 ish (he goes to the gym a lot and power lifts).
So yeah he might get violent. The prof saw everything and she just warned him. I live in Canada by the way.
Anyways, I'm not sure what to do with him. If he does this again, I'll probably have to find some way to get evidence and report him to security or something. In the meantime, I'm gonna "ghost" him and go low key, ignoring all his texts/messages and respond in class with a "Idk" if he talks to me in person. | 22m classmate starting to get touchy feeling, I don't know what the formal process of reporting this to security next time without getting counter sued or anything. |
t3_3644sp | relationships | My (25F)sister (20F) who has existing health problems and mental illness has left to go to Texas for a month with very little planning or money! I'm freaking out | Me and my sister have a very turbulent relationship. We are both hot tempered and this can lead to huge arguments. This is part of the reason I didn't really get involved in this as I'm going through a lot of stress myself atm and I don't need any more.
Recently she told me she is going to Texas for a month on her own (we live in the UK) I didn't think much of it because I thought it was a flight of fancy or she was making it up (she has bipolar and I suspect adhd) but no she was definitely going.
She's recently been diagnosed with inflamed bowel disease and is getting an operation soon and she wanted one last holiday before it. I found out she plans to work there but as what I'm not sure as she was very vague plus she can't serve alcohol as she is under 21. She asked for my ID and I refused because we look nothing alike and I don't think she can pass for 25.
I asked her if she had health insurance in case her condition flares up and she had to go to hospital and she told me no she doesn't. She only has £500 to her name as well.
I'm worried sick about her. I wish I had tried to stop her from going but she's an adult who can do whatever she pleases. How do I make sure she is safe? | my 20yrold sister is in another country on her own, with a serious medical condition, very little money and I'm really worried about her. What can I do to make sure she is safe? |
t3_qaxk1 | relationships | Girlfriend going to parties? | Ok so me and my girlfriend, we're both 16 and neither of us use drugs or drink we're both disgusted by alcohol, and I'm allergic to pot so that's a no, but we've been dating for 5 months and have been pretty strong despite her strong independence and me being a fairly clingy protective bf. My current problem is being worrie about why she would want to go to a party that is very likely a rave, which she used to go to before we started dating and I we agreeded shed stop, and could quite possibly have drugs or alcohol at. I just don't understand why she would go to this party without me when there really isn't anything for her today. She is going with two friends(both girls) and promised she wouldn't do anything bad but she wasn't gonna just not go? | 5 month strong relationship between teens, both anti-drug/alcohol/rave, girls going to party that will probably be rave with both drugs and alcohol. Question is why she wants to go without me? |
t3_3mysd4 | relationship_advice | 28/m my girlfriend 27/f dating two years she panics and breaks up. What do I do? | We've known each other for almost four years but found one another two years ago and started your storybook romance. She had never been with anyone before in a serious way and I had never really been with the right woman, a good woman that is to say. We fell in the kind of love that makes it seem like the universe is smiling down on you. It was the best thing that ever happened in my life. She was studying for the bar, I supported her through it and through the first few months of her job at law school. Things started to get tough when she was working 70-80 hour weeks, I was extremely supportive but she was clearly unhappy with her job and it made her distant from everything, her friends, family, and me. Then a few weeks ago she said she'd looked around at her friends all getting married and she wanted to make sure that I was the right man for her life. I told her I completely understood how she was feeling and that it's terrible to be trapped, I don't want to stand in the way of her happiness. Still, it completely tore my life apart. Two weeks on and I can't stop thinking about her, can't eat/sleep well. Sometimes she calls to tell me she's thinking about me, she always tells me she loves me. She is certain this is something she has to do. Now, from everything my friends tell me this is basically the end of the relationship. I should let go and just let her go live her life. What do I do when that feels so wrong? I want her to have that peace of mind she never got from life, but I also just really love her and feel this impossibly strong conviction that we're meant to be together. Naieve I know but I can't help how my gut is. Am I wrong to believe?
Thank you in advance for your time. | girlfriend never been with anyone else, isn't "sure" about us and broke up. how can I cope with her loving me and me loving her still insanely much and still believe that one day we could be together? |
t3_1ad3ky | relationships | Am I wrong in not wanting to hang out with my GF's ex's? | So my girlfriend and I have been dating for almost a year, she is 19, and I am 20. She is generally a sweet person, but she doesn't get along with girls, and has dated, or had flings with a *decent* amount of guys. She has kept in touch with almost all of them, and still hangs out, talks to them, and will even call them every once in a while. This makes me extremely uncomfortable, as almost all of these guys are making obvious passes at her; inviting her to their dorm rooms for the weekend, inviting her to stay with them when she got kicked out of her parents house last year. One has even blatantly asked her to hook up with him. I constantly ask her to stop talking to them as it's obvious what 90% of them want, and she says I'm an "insecure asshole". Now she is wanting to me to hangout with some of them with her, and I'm just not comfortable with that. Hanging out with guys who have been the same places I have is not something I enjoy doing, but she is saying I'm too insecure and I'm being an ass. Am I? I want to be the best boyfriend I can, but I don't want to do that if the expense is throwing in the towel in a situation that needs to be fixed. | Girlfriend stays in contact with ex flings and ex-bf's', and is now asking me to hangout with them and her, am I being a "insecure ass"? |
t3_x9nbo | relationships | Shouldn't you know if you want to marry your SO after 2 years? | I'm a 28 year old female, with my boyfriend for a little over 2 years. He's a great guy, I mean a really great guy. Personality-wise, we match in that we have the same beliefs, morals, taste in music, clothes, lifestyles, etc. Well we have made it through some tougher times, long-distance, etc and are still together.
Issue #1- Sex is a chore. I only feel like this with him. I know from past relationships (ones that I have been in for two years) that I don't feel like this because I'm bored, as in the past that was not the case. He has a good sex drive, I just want it to be over with. I've browsed the sex advice subreddit, but I posted this here because I think it's more than that.
Issue #2- Excitement is gone. Im bored as hell and have felt this way after 4-6 months of dating him.
So my question is, Do all relationships end up feeling like you are living with your best friend/roommate? I honestly feel this way. I mean I love him I really do, but its like Im dating Mr. Friendzone.
Shouldn't I know after 2 years if I want to marry him? Is the fact I'm questioning it proof that I don't? The only reason I think I would is because I know he'd be a good husband and great dad, but I'd be a numb woman just going through the motions. | Dating SO for 2 years, sex is a chore, bored as hell, but know he'd be a great dad and husband, do all relationships eventually reach this level? |
t3_41x3hx | tifu | TIFU by not using a spotter | Well, it was two days ago, but I just got back from the ER. Literally your worst bench press nightmare. Was going for 185X10 and i usually workout alone at the school gym; on my second rep, I accidentally hit the reracking pins and the pins basically knocked the bar out of my hand. 185lbs w/ some velocity rebounded straight back onto my sternum from about .5m up. They called the ambulance but I guess the adrenaline was still pumping and I still felt fine. Few hours later, went to the ER and found apparently the bar hit my sternum and the sternum bruised my heart (myocardial contusion) and probably small fractures in my sternum and ribs. | Lifted w/o spotter on bench press; dropped entire weight just below my chest. Bruised heart and minor fractures. Use a spotter or a smith machine next time. |
t3_2yhfv2 | relationship_advice | [26/M] My Girlfriend[26/F] says something is "holding her back" from letting me in. What can I do? | My Girlfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year. When we got together she was fresh out of a long-term relationship and we worked together, so we agreed to take it slow. We've been exclusive the whole time, and had no serious problems, other than her not fully letting me into her life. I have never met her family, and I have only met about two of her close friends. I have tried to remain patient and understanding, hoping that one day she would get over it and let me in. We love each other and have a great time together, but we've had talks that end up with us "taking a break" to let her go through the processes she needed to be ready for a real relationship. Since we work together it was always really sad and awkward in the office and we couldn't stay apart, so we would be back to where we started in a matter of days. She recently got a new job, and so we don't see each other 40 hours a week anymore. I could sense a distance growing in our conversations and in the little time we spend together, and we finally had the same "I don't know what it is, but something is still holding me back" conversation. She's apologetic and we're both frustrated and sad about it. I want to fight for her because I know we love each other, but I don't know what's best to get her to that place, and I don't want to feel like I'm holding her hostage in this relationship. Do I need to walk away and hope she realizes what she's throwing away? or keep fighting for us? | Girlfriend of a year says something is still holding her back from completely letting me in her life. Do I stick it out and fight for her again? Do I let her go and see if she comes back? |
t3_11rtee | AskReddit | Anyone else take out a mortgage that was transferred to USBank this year? | As part of finally growing up a little, I bought a house this year! I took advantage of the decent interest rates out there right now, and some other people must be in my boat here.
My loan was bought by USBank, and 18 days later the first payment was due to them. Now when a loan is transferred, the borrower (that's me!) is protected by a [federal law called RESPA] Since transferring a loan is kind of a chaotic process, we're protected from late fees for 60 days starting on the **effective date of transfer** of the loan.
US Bank charged me a late fee during this 60 day grace period, and they refuse to admit there is anything wrong. I have spent hours on the phone, sent many emails which are mostly ignored, and waited for days for callbacks that never came. I finally spoke with a supervisor who told me that they *always* start the 60 day grace period on the day they buy the loan. Well it doesn't take a lawyer to see that this is plainly illegal. RESPA goes out of its way to define in plain language exactly when the bank has to start your grace period:
>The term **effective date of transfer** means the date on which the mortgage payment of a borrower is first due to the transferee servicer of a mortgage loan
They started the grace period on the day they bought the loan, but they should have started it 18 days later when my first payment was due.
Anyone else have this problem? The late fee was only $30, and the small-claims court filing fees where I live are higher than that. RESPA says if there is a "pattern ... of noncompliance" that the damages are "not to exceed $1,000." If I tried to represent myself, would winning a case like this have any effect on their business? I'll go for it if there's a chance it could cause USBank to start following the law for other people. | if you take advantage of good mortgage rates, know your rights!* Check your paperwork, and don't let the banks get away with violating the laws that protect us. |
t3_2x3rmv | relationships | Me [23M] found out my s.o [24F] got pregnant. Decided to get an abortion immediately as if it were casual. Feeling confused. Help? | *My s.o. and I have been dating on and off for 8 yrs.
Recently formed a relationship again about 3mo ago.
I considered her the "one" since the first day I encountered her.
We have a healthy relationship right now.
But this happened.
Yesterday
>Calls 8x in row.
>Playing league, so ignore.
>Team feeds and we ff.
>Call back.
>Found out shes prego.
>I trip out.
>She calls back claimimg she mightve misread test.
>Calls again saying Ill let you know tomorrow.
Today
>Tells me truth.
>I confront her act about claiming it might be false positive.
>Confirms it.
>I understand, its her body etc etc.
>Financial issue though, its expensive.
>Money is not so good right now, college student.
>Find enough money.
>The deal is that we can never mention it ever again. I just give her cash then its agreed that this never happened.
>Obey her commands.
>Makes a reddit post.
**Although I understand the obvious reason why she wants to keep it a secret, but is this healthy? To just tuck it away into a corner of my subconscious? What should I do? How will this affect our relationship? Feeling confused and sad. Help please. Thank you. | My gf been on off for 8 yrs. Got prego. Getting abortion. Acting it never happened. Healthy? Yes no? |
t3_2fv4ly | relationship_advice | My boyfriend [25M] may have kept something horrible and life changing from me [23F]. At a loss as to how to proceed.. | Going to try to keep this short and relevant. Apologies for any weird formatting, etc. as I am on mobile. Throwaway for obvious reasons.
A few months ago I met a guy who shared an amazing connection with me almost immediately. He's treated me with all the respect, kindness, and openness I could ever hope for. So I thought, until recently when it came out that he may have been exposed to an STI prior to meeting me and just never got it checked out because he never experienced any symptoms.
Anyone well educated about safe sex knows its not uncommon for these infections to not show any symptoms for a long period of time, if at all; you could even be a carrier and not know unless you were tested.
To me, his lack of getting tested THEN and continuing to have unprotected sex (including with me) is irresponsible, heinous, and terrifying. I plan to get tested asap and need for him to do the same before I can comfortably continue a relationship with him.
How do I communicate this to him knowing it's a touchy subject, and he does not react well to it being brought up? Is there a way to continue a healthy relationship if one or both of us tests positive for something like HIV?
I am also open to the idea that I'm taking this far too seriously and overreacting. Any feedback is appreciated. | Boyfriend may have exposed me to an STI due to negligence/ignorance. How do I get him to see it as seriously as I do and get tested with me? |
t3_41c067 | personalfinance | Sent same card with different numbers without asking. What the what? | Hi there! I don't have the best credit, so I applied online for a Cap One Platinum card earlier this month. Within 10 days, it was in my hand and activated. I've been using this card a little, but today I got another card in the mail.
It's the same card, limit, and APR (because, well, it's still issued to me), but the expiration date is earlier and the numbers are different. I did not call Cap One and apply for a second, and I can't think of another time I went online to apply for the exact same card.
What should my course of action be? Just cut it? Use it? Call the bank to ask what's up? | Applied for first card and got it in the mail. Two weeks later I'm sent another card with different numbers. What the what?* |
t3_4qe1d3 | dating_advice | Religion could break us up | My boyfriend is Christian and I've never been big on church. My dad tried to raise us Catholic but I was always forced to go so I never liked it.
I've been contemplating lately exploring other religions thinking maybe it was just Catholicism that didn't suit me not necessarily religion in general.
Religion is very important to my boyfriend and so I decided to give his church a shot. And so far I like it. I'm still opening myself up and trying to grasp my understanding with God.
But out of the blue my boyfriend mentions that it suddenly bothers him that my mom is gay. (Which she's been out for almost 8 years..... Way before I even met him) so it caught me by surprise that this was all the sudden conflicting for him. That the bible says homosexuality is wrong. (Which is what a lot of Christians think) but why now
I am giving his church a chance and being open but I can't believe in a God who doesn't accept people for who they are.
I'm a firm believer that gay bi transsexual whatever you are you should be accepted and loved.
This is the first major deal breaker kind of issue we've had in our relationship and I'm not sure exactly how to handle it. | My boyfriend is Christian and although my mom has been out as a lesbian for 8 years he last night suddenly decides to express that it's conflicting for him because the bible tells him that's wrong. |
t3_425dmb | relationships | The guy [25M] I dated for almost three months is dumping me [25F] by just not responding to my texts. It's blowing my mind. | The guy [25M] I dated for almost three months is dumping me [25F] by just not responding to my texts. It's blowing my mind. While I will admit that I didn't feel like I knew him very well after spending kind of a lot of time together, it's still pretty shocking to have someone that treated me kindly and respectfully to do a complete 180 and cease all conversation as a way to end things.
My question for fellow redditors is how should I proceed? I tried calling/texting. Not excessively, just inquiring how we was. I really don't want to come off as desperate but having a conversation about this is something that I feel I need and deserve. He's a really awful, guarded communicator which I suspect plays a large role in this. Is there any way to get through to someone like that? | The guy I've been dating for nearly three months is ending it by ignoring me. I'd really like to talk to him so that I can feel some closure. |
t3_jlmww | AskReddit | So a lady just walked up to me in the cafe and handed me a religious pamphlet. . . | . . .and she was very polite about it, saying something like "do you mind if I give you this, it explains [something about religion] and [how it relates to these modern times]".
Not to get too much into my personal beliefs, but I went through my own 'religious crisis' years ago, approached it intellectually and logically, which admittedly is probably not the way 'Faith' is supposed to be approached - it landed me somewhere between Agnostic and Atheist.
Apparently I must look like someone who needs saving as I get this a lot. I never know how to handle these situations - I mean, I don't want to be rude, but my honest response probably should have been "No, thanks, that's no use to me and I'll just be throwing it away". My REALLY honest response is "I'm pretty sure I've put a lot more thought into this than you have, and you trying to force your beliefs on me is about as insulting to my intelligence as this statement is to you". Instead, I went with the smile and awkward nod and the pamphlet is sitting on my table until I leave to throw it away. | So, my questions to you Reddit are - how do you handle this situation? and, how do you think it should be handled? |
t3_s6h0q | AskReddit | Scumbag hypocritical Reddit: Why bother letting yourself get fucked off by the implications of SOPA/CISPA-esque legislation if you're just going to turn around and bitch about how Mods should be more proactive and shut down r/jailbait and r/picofdeadkids, etc. | People who create an offensive atmosphere on the internet are people who seek to create a place where they are not going to be bothered by a section of the population that does not have the stomach for the content. The reason for flaming, trolling and stirring shit on the internet is rooted in individuals embracing the anonymity and using that to experience their life completely different that they would in school, or at work. The people who frequent 4chan and the like are not typically the most commanding and charismatic people in the flesh. They are not powerful in their social circles and if they can create a place where regular people feel distressed, oppressed, and overwhelmed, believe me they will.
I can't stand these idiots licking the karma-asshole and posting about CISPA and then turning around and complaining about the way some part of the reddit populace carries itself. How is this any different than a controversial political candidate targeting a subset of the population? | If you don't want to see pics of dead kids or whatever, don't go to the fucking subreddit built from the ground up to show pics of them. |
t3_31ys7y | tifu | TIFU by not looking out for the Russians | Me and my friend James were sitting in the cafeteria at school one day, and the cafeteria is like 80% of the bottom floor, really open floor plan, and under the stairs is a space you can sit. So me and James were talking about girls, and sitting under the stairs to be away from most of the people in 3rd lunch. He starts talking about this girl he likes, and I'm like " But her best friend though!!1 Waaaayy better bro." Forgot they have 3rd lunch too. Also forgot they are Russian, and the Russians sit right next to the stairs. Also, I kinda yelled that, and we had been using their names. I didn't even realize what had happened until i got up to throw away my garbage and BOOM right there both red-faced laughing at me and James and the other ones just looking at me like " You done fucked up" | Those Russians, they sneak up on you like a shit after eating at Azteca. One second you are fine, the next, you can't go anywhere without waddling! |
t3_40nk02 | relationships | How can I [32F] get along with my dad's wife [60s F]? | Long story short, my dad left my mom when I was 16 and immediately started dating his current wife. They got married when I was 18. I'm an only child. My mom is very resentful of my dad - though she claims she never loved him. She tries so hard to be diplomatic about things, but sometimes her opinions slip (like comments under her breath when my dad is in town and wants to see me and my kids)...
My step-mom is everything my mom isn't. She's loud mouthed, type A, industrious, self-made woman, opinionated. I want so badly to like her. But a part of me is scared that if I do like her, it will hurt my mom. And I don't want to hurt my mom because at the end of the day, my dad walked away from us 16 years ago, not her. My step-mom has a way of speaking and being where she doesn't *really* censor herself before she starts talking. She has very strong opinions on things, and won't hesitate to share them.
The last time I saw my step-mom it was a disaster (I had given birth, her and my dad came to the hospital despite my asking them to wait until I told them to come because my mom was there...)... I couldn't find it in me to be outwardly nice to her, so I generally just ignored her. It's always eggshells around her - or between us. Anyway, I haven't talked to her since July (not that I ever talked to her on a regular basis anyway).
We (so me, husband, 2 kids) are going down to FL to visit my dad and his wife come April of this year, and I'd like to bury the hatchet. I want to just hash out all the issues. Maybe get drunk and let everything fly. I want so badly to like her, especially since she's my dad's wife, she's here to stay (I mean, it's been 14 years since they got married...)... we'll be staying at their house with them when we go so..
Help? | I can't stand my Dad's type-A opinionated wife, and a part of it has to do with my own mom and her feelings. I want to be friends with said wife, but, it's hard :/ |
t3_27bxyi | relationships | My Gf(22, F) is pretty much perfect, but i (22, M) was never the relationship type... | So, it all started when i was about 16 and lost my virginity in a very short relationship that lasted quite briefly before she cheated on me.
After that, i found out that i had a previously unnoticed talent for getting laid with a large number of women. It turned into a game for me, and sex with random hookups and partying was my greatest hobby.
After awhile i found a girlfriend who turned out to be quite unstable, and our relationship ended when she got pregnant with a child i did not want in any way whatsoever, but she did. She later miscarried but i never spoke to her again anyways.
After that i proceeded to mess around, having sex and partying to the point where i made a name for me. Sex was just fun, never emotional.
And now i am together with a girlfriend who is pretty much perfect, even though we have our different values. She takes things slow, is kind and values sex emotionally. I'm quite the opposite.
She is also smart, beautiful and hard working. And most of all perfectly sane. Overall a great girl. My parents love her and i know shes as good as a guy can get.
But she is an exchange student, and even though i went into a relationship with her i found it comforting knowing that out relationship had a time limit.
However now she have found a job working with cancer research here, and is staying longer and longer.
I am happy with her company and like i said she is as good as i will ever get. I'm very fond of her, even though i would not say i love her. But i just don't really feel comfortable in relationships to begin with and don't really know how to cope with this.
When i am in a relationship it feels like i'm stagnating. That i'm not pushing to improve myself. That i'm comfortable where i am. But improvement is what i live for. To become better all the time, physically and mentally. | I have a relationship with an amazing girl, as good as i will ever find. But i'm just not a relationship type and i don't know how to cope with it. |
t3_41x6y3 | personalfinance | Third fraudulent charge, third new CC in 4 months. What gives? How can I protect myself? | I've had a Chase Sapphire Preferred card for the past few years, with no problems. I check my credit history often, I pay off my card in full, am always very careful when and where I whip out my card, and I don't make online purchases in any sketchy locations/sources (I mostly just use amazon). My point being; I try my best to be responsible with my credit card.
But late last year, I had fraud alert about an $8 charge (carpet cleaning?), and so I cancelled my card and Chase gave me a new one. One month later, I noticed a $400 charge to Expedia that I definitely did not make, so I called Chase, reported to fraud, and got a new card. Now yesterday I get a fraud alert about a 1k charge to Hammacher Schlemmer -- and now another card is on it's way.
There's no way these charges were mine: the timestamps and locations don't add up, so I've been able to utilize Chase's fraud protection with success.
But these fraudulent charges keep getting bigger and bigger, and I'm worried; what can I do to protect myself? Chase tells me it's not their fault -- it's the fault of [poor] security on a merchant's part. But I'm not making any purchases from non-reputable sources.
I only have one CC because I like to keep things simple, but it's starting to get frustrating calling up insurance, billing, rental management, etc. having to switch my info every month. Should I simply get another card and use it only for bills (and keep the credit line low)? Is there anything else I can do?
Any help or advice is appreciated, thank you! | Despite being careful, I keep being the victim of CC fraud in a short amount of time. What can I do to protect myself, other than being responsible and using common sense? |
t3_1a9shy | relationships | My boyfriend (26m) hit me (21f) last night. How can I apologize to him? | My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over 2 years. We were drinking and I started talking about an ex of mine. He didn't like what he was hearing so he punched me in the back of my head and knocked me unconscious. My friend wants me to go to the police but I love him and I know he wouldn't do it again. He isn't a bad person, he may have a bad temper at times, especially while drinking, but he is harmless.
This is only the second time anything like this has happened. I couldn't leave him, I love him too much and I want to spend my life with him. How can I talk to him, apologize, and ask him to calm down a little better when he drinks? I don't want him to feel like he can't drink, I just want him to be more responsible. Thanks! | boyfriend "hit" me, it was my fault. I love him and wish he would calm down while drinking. |
t3_1iuz0y | relationships | Me[25M] with my co-worker [23F], she has a boyfriend...I'm the asshole | I have very strong feelings for my co-worker of 1 year. She is smart, funny, pretty and genuinely enjoys my company.
Reasons to not tell her how I feel:
1. I love hanging out with her at work, she is easily my best friend at work. We also text one another multiple times a week and have hung out, outside of work, a pretty good amount. I'd hate to lose her as a friend by telling her how I feel and making it awkward.
2. I work with her, 5 days a week, and I'd hate to make it awkward for that reason too.
3. She has a boyfriend, and I've always been against infidelity.
Reasons to tell her how I feel:
1. There is definitely something there, we are always flirting, poking fun at one another, trying to make plans outside of work. I love hanging out with her, and if she feels the same way and leaves her boyfriend for me, then we'd likely hang out more than we do now.
2. I invited her as a +1 wedding date (without knowing she had a boyfriend at the time) and she said yes emphatically...only later on did she mention she had a boyfriend, but she still came to the wedding, we had a great time and she rolled over to snuggle with me while we laid in bed in the hotel. I've had multiple friends come up to me since then to tell me that the two of us had a chemistry that "just friends" don't usually have.
3. Boyfriend is leaving the country to study abroad for 2 years in a couple months. They will likely break up is my guess. She never talks about him in front of me, which I also think might mean something.
What should I do? First time in a situation like this. My friends tell me to go for it, but I'd love to hear some unbiased opinions. | Have feelings for co-worker. Weighing the pluses and minuses of telling her. I think the feelings are reciprocal, but if not I risk losing a friend and embarrassing myself at work. |
t3_2rd3l3 | tifu | TIFU by sending a message while taking a piss. | So this just happened 20 mins ago. This FU might not be as big as some of the others posted here but yeah just thought it'll be fun to submit one.
So basically my best friends(lets call him Jack) birthday is coming up this week and his uni mates and I have been corresponding on planning a big birthday surprise.
So I get a text 30 mins ago from my correspondent informing me of the details for his SURPRISE party while i was walking to the toilet from my cubicle at work. I then send these details to a group of friends which went something like this while I was relieving myself of used fluids:
Everyone!
Jacks Birthday!
Who's coming?
Please reply!
I spammed the group so people will hear the message. All fine and dandy right? NOPE
After sending those messages I walked back to my cubicle happy that all the details and invitations were sent out. That's when I checked my phone and realized that I sent the message to the wrong whatsapp group.
I frantically checked if Jack has seen the message yet which he had not. Then I begin to search the internet to see if there was anyway of deleting whatsapp messages that have already been sent( BTW THERE IS NO POSSIBLE WAY) while calling my friend who's the group admin hoping she could delete the group and he wouldn't receive the message. (Which after 10 long minutes of calling and her not picking up I find out that deleting the whatsapp group will not do anything to help my situation)
Accepting defeat I sat in my cubicle awaiting the impending message from Jack to the group, to which I promptly reply: FUCK ME
And so TIL to check who you're sending a message to and not to piss while sending a message. | Sent a surprise birthday invitation message to the wrong whatsapp group which had the birthday person in it. Panicked and tried to delete the group. Gave up when birthday boy saw it. |
t3_3wu5ij | relationships | I [23] introduced my new gf [26] to my female friend [23]. My friend said something strange and I'm not sure what to make of it. | So recently I started dating this girl and it's turned into a really great relationship. After I had been dating her for about a month I planned to introduce her to my good friend. They already knew each other casually through mutual friends but we decided to go for a beer and hang out. Everything was going fine, until I left to go to the bathroom. I didn't know until later, but apparently my friend mentioned to my new gf that I was a great guy because years ago she came on to me while drunk and I didn't take advantage of her. It happened like 7 years ago and honestly was something I had pretty much forgot about. I didn't sleep with my friend because she was really drunk and we were friends. I think that's a pretty normal thing to do.
I just don't know why she would bring that up. It seems like it would obviously just cause problems. I can tell my gf is uncomfortable with my friend and I hanging out now, and honestly I'm kind of confused about it myself. Im sure my gf thinks we have some kind of sexual history now, or is at least questioning it. Does anyone know why my friend might say this? Is she attempting to cause problems maybe? | my friend mentioned a time we almost hooked up to my new gf for no apparent reason. May be causing problems now. |
t3_1416gw | relationships | My [F22] new manfriend [M24] has an alcoholic mother. How can I be supportive? | Background: He and I started dating mid-October. We've known each other for just about a year now. We met in a research lab at the school we go to.
He's pretty extroverted, but guarded with his personal life, not in a defensive way...but in a doesn't talk much about it kind of way. I'm thinking this might be because he doesn't want me to judge him since he and I are from pretty different backgrounds. Growing up, my family was pretty well off. They live in a nice part of town. My parents are still married. Both of my parents are college graduates, as is my older brother.
He lives in a rougher part of town. His parents aren't together anymore. I don't like poking much, but he's subtly implied that his father is dead. He's the first person in his family to go to college and his two younger sisters have followed his path. I'm incredibly proud of him.
His mom is an alcoholic. I had a feeling she was based upon the bits and pieces that he would say. When I saw their house, it was obvious (filthy, cluttered, didn't seem to make any sense). Apparently she's started drinking again heavily...to the point where she blew out the front tires on her car trying to buy more alcohol yesterday and has no recollection of what happened. He told me he was taking the battery out of her car to make sure it didn't happen again.
He's saving up right now to move out with one of his sisters, but until then he's stuck.
My issue is this: How am I supposed to respond to him when he tells me about these things? What can I do to be supportive without overstepping any personal boundaries? I never grew up around anything like this and can't really relate. I feel awful for him though given his incredibly shitty circumstances. I guess I just want to be there for him in whatever ways I can without making him feel pitied or embarrassed. | The guy I'm dating's mom is a severe alcoholic. He's still living at home and periodically vents to me about it. What should I say or do to make him feel better about it? |
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