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t3_3ksxx1 | relationships | Me [25/F] and my long-distance bf [25/M] had a massive fight and now he won't see me | I posted this originally in the long distance relationships reddit, which I think might not be as frequented?
My bf and I have been long distance from the beginning, and we've been dating for a few months now. We live 6hrs away so we alternate on who's driving to visit and see each other every 2 weeks or so for 2-3 days.
It's been stressful since I work 2 jobs and have to plan well in advance, but we both know we like each other so it's worked so far. Except when he comes to visit me I feel like I'm not his top priority and get pushed back so he can see his friend who lives in my city too. I got frustrated on Friday night and instead of hanging out with them at a bar (which is what always happens) I made my own plans and proceeded to drink far too much and got vicious with him via text. It was very inappropriate and I take full blame for what I said, and I'm in no way using alcohol or hormones as an excuse. It was like pent up frustration that I decided to release in the worst way possible and I've been regretting it since.
He's understandably very upset with me and refused to stay with me for the rest of the weekend. He dropped by yesterday to say it wasn't working out and that we needed either a break or a break-up, so I tried to apologize and asked him to give me a chance because I know I will never again do something so out of character. We had plans to go to a wedding and he decided not to go as he needed his space and told me to see him in 2 weeks, but now I'm terrified that I'll go and be told that we need to go our separate ways.
Is there anything I can do to fix things, or should I try and respect what he's said and give him time and space, and just hope for the best? I've barely slept or eaten since it happened, and I feel so awful for having hurt him. There are times when I feel like we're not a good match, but I don't want it to end. Thanks for any advice you guys can provide. | Had a blowout with my long-distance boyfriend over not spending time together when he visits me, he doesn't want to see me now so I need advice or anything! |
t3_1nvd0g | relationships | My GF [22 F] of almost two years and I [23 M] are currently stuck in a long distance relationship and we need ideas! | We met in college, and had a wonderful junior and senior year together. I am in a gap year between undergraduate and medical school and she is in a masters program for the rest of this year.
Our current relationship involves skype and phone calls, but our relationship is slowly unwinding due to multiple factors, one of which is a lack of things to do together. Our skype dates involve talking about our days, and perhaps watching TV together, but that's as far as things go usually.
I recommended we start a semi-book club just for the 2 of us, and she is really responsive to that, (We start tomorrow once the libraries are open). Does anyone have any advice for more things we can do together? | We have a Proclaimers song worth of distance between us, and not much to do, and as much as walking 1000 miles and collapsing at her doorstep sounds interesting, we are looking for some homebound activities. |
t3_jtoxc | AskReddit | Reddit, help me solve the mystery of my desperate ex-boyfriend. | Okay, so I dated this guy for about six and a half months and broke up with him in July because he was getting far too involved for me and I wasn't ready for it - we talked about it and had totally different expectations for the relationship and since neither of us were really ready to change said expectations, I broke it off. We agreed that we harbored no hard feelings toward each other and frequently ran into each other at shows/parties/the like and it was always totally friendly.
He kept on asking me to do one-on-one stuff though *(some of our regular activities while we were dating, like a particular local sushi place and stuff)*, and I didn't want to, so I did my best to kindly decline. He eventually confronted me on the matter and let the conversation drop with an "I'll see you around." But today I got a message from him via Facebook:
> look idk whats up but some dude has been texting me how i should leave you alone or else he'll kick my ass/show up at my work?(*he inserted the phone number here*) idk what this is but i don't want it or the drama. i just wanted to see my friend man, suffering from extreme glibarvardrawls *(a weird combination of my last name+'withdrawals')*. but its clear i'm looking for something that isn't there. this is the last you'll hear from me.
Now I have no idea who this phone number belongs to, who would even say that, or why this would even be said. There were never hard feelings between myself and my ex and I never brought up his texting me as a problem to anyone. I called the number, sent them a text. No reply. I called and sent him a text. Nothing; it even looks like he blocked me on Facebook. I asked our mutual friends (his best friends are still great friends to me). I talked to his sister (she and I still hang out). No one knows a thing. | Dated a guy and broke up with him, but he kept hanging on to what we used to have. Got a really bizarre message from him right before he cut off all contact. |
t3_137t60 | relationships | Help me figure this out | Anyways me (22f) and my bf (24) have been fighting for two days straight arguing because i found out he was phone cheating on me with his baby's mom and twice with his ex fling . I just found out yesterday
I agreed that i didnt want to fight and he apologized and i dont think i truly forgave him. Because everytime i see his face im so angry just want to slap it for hurting me lying to me and making me feel like a fool
Will i ever be able to shake this feeling? How do i gain trust for him? Should i just leave the relationship? | boyfriend cheated on me via phone a total of 3 times. He apologized i dont think i am over it because im still so angry |
t3_10p5ql | AskReddit | I'm 23 years old; I haven't been able to orgasm since I was 14. How would you- my partner- react to this? | I am a female, raised in a religious, conservative household so masturbation was out of the question. At 14, I discovered it on my own and became furious with all things sexual. When I finally had sex at 17, I wasn't able to orgasm, it was boring, I didn't like it.
Now, 23, I've had multiple partners and have not been able to orgasm. I can't even make MYSELF orgasm.
Although I wish it were different, I've become "okay" with it, and I'd like to make my partners satisfied, but I've already had partners EXTREMELY upset, and take on themselves that it's their fault, not good enough, etc.
My question is, how would you feel if I was your girlfriend, and WHAT can I do/say to help you. | your girlfriend suddenly can't orgasm, how would you feel, and what should be done on her end so that you don't feel like a loser? |
t3_3ogz98 | relationships | Me [25 M] with my girlfriend [23F] of 2 years moving in together, how do we split the food bill? | My girlfriend and I are moving in together and we are trying to figure out how do we split paying for food. Rent, internet, utilities, ect we both agree are easy and should be split 50/50.
With food though we have very different diets. I eat very cheap, pasta or rice with chicken or pork and frozen veggies. Also I only eat one VERY large meal at the end of the day. I avoid snacks because I know I can't control myself will eat all the snack food I buy the same day I get it, also they are expensive. Also I eat a lot more food than she does but my grocery bill on my own is about $150 a month.
Her diet: she eats 3 meals a day, a toaster pastry type thing for breakfast, a salad and/or fruit for lunch, and our dinners our similar but hers are smaller. The problem is she buys more expensive foods, fresh fruits and vegetables, salmon, beef (she's not a big fan of chicken), and lots of snack foods. So her grocery bill on her own is $200-300.
I don't want us to get into fights about the grocery bill so we are trying to decide how to split the food bill. We don't like the idea of us each buying our own food as if we were roommates and not a couple because we usually cook dinner together and eat together. I would like to know how other couples do it, please let us hear your ideas. | How do we split the grocery bill when I eat more food but spend less, and she eats less food but spends more? |
t3_uhqy4 | BreakUps | Need some encouragement that there's nothing wrong with me. | Six months ago I (23f) started sleeping with a guy (23m) I was crazy about, and kept sleeping with him even though he was clear with me that he wasn't interested in dating. The entire time I agonized and obsessed over him, knowing full-well he wasn't interested in a relationship. He's moving away now, so things would have ended anyway, but I can't get over the enormous sense of rejection and humiliation I'm experiencing as a result of him not wanting to date me.
He and I share the same hobbies, academic interests, sense of humour, everything, and we always have fun together. I'm typically a super confident person, with high self-esteem so I'm really rattled by how much this has affected me. People keep telling me that he probably just wasn't looking for a relationship, or it wasn't good timing but I can't make myself believe that. I guess I'm convinced that if you like someone enough, you want to date them regardless of where you're at in your life. So I'm left thinking that there must be something wrong with me, like if I were prettier or funnier he would have been interested in more than just sex. | Convinced that if he had liked me enough, he would have dated me. Wondering if there's any truth to the idea that people can just not be interested in a relationship. |
t3_3v5bf9 | relationships | Me [23 F] with my new boyfriend[26 M] 3 months, I'm getting upset that he treated his ex better. How do I get over this? | I've been seeing someone for three months, and it's been going well. However, he lives an hour away and is quite busy with his uni course (med school.) At the start he used to get in touch a lot and we'd see each other twice a week. However, for the last month or two we talk every other day and don't make plans in advance, and everything is fitted around him.
I thought that this was because med school is demanding (I also have a very demanding career and work longer hours than he does) but have recently found out he used to schedule hour long skype sessions every day with his ex. They'd text and call (he's never called me) for most of the day, and he spent weekends with her. I've never been able to see him on a Friday/Saturday because he plays sports.
Him and his ex were more long distance than us (she lived three hours away.) I'm struggling to understand why things are so different with me, and whether I'm even allowed to get upset about this??
I'd just really appreciate half the effort he put in with his ex. I asked him about being exclusive and he said we were, and I've also given him a couple easy outs saying if he's too busy for this I understand, but each time he has said no this is what he wants.
Not sure how to proceed. Any advice appreciated.
Also, he finished with her if that is relevant. | He made a lot more effort to see/speak to his ex, and gave her more quality time. How do I deal with this? |
t3_2hpzx0 | relationships | Getting bored with each other after being in a relationship for 8 months | Me [22,F] and my boyfriend [24,M] are now almost dating for 8 months and he's the best thing what ever could have happened to me. We're still in love like on the first day and can't imagine a life without the other. But the problem is that i'm getting the feeling that we're getting bored when we're together and not doing anything but laying in bed ned to each other while he's on his phone and i'm laying on his chest. Otherwise we only go out for dinner sometimes or meet up with friends to go out. We stopped talking like We used to and i'm really concerned that nothing's gonna change. Some Advise for me, users of reddit? | Bored when hanging out, stopped talking like Wochenende used to, not doing anything except for laying in bed. Advise? |
t3_sp9gj | AskReddit | I may be adopting a horse who is slowly losing her sight. Anybody have experience with half-blind horses? | Basically, I've trained this horse for 2 years, so I know her pretty well. She's 7, and has lived all her life with good vision, and only recently has developed some sort of UV-itis-whatnot that is causing loss of sight. She'll soon be completely blind in one eye, and the disease may spread.
This horse also used to be a jumper. I think it might kill her if she could never jump again, as she just seems so happy whenever she's jumped. Any ideas on how to help her with this?
I've ridden half-blind horses before, but I've never helped a horse adjust. Also, I'm coming to realize that for being around horses for 12 years, I don't know that much about their sight. Does their depth perception work like ours? | Adopting a horse that is going blind, I still want to jump her. Do horses have similar depth perception to humans? Any other advice for half-blind horse owners? |
t3_np0r3 | AskReddit | I confided to a co-worker that I can't conceive, they made a big deal about it and told others at work, now every time I so much as glance or smile at a child, my co-workers mention that it is creepy of me. How on earth do I react to this situation? | So, I work with a lot of people aged 17-30, so gossiping and immaturity is expected, but this has actually brought me to tears at work and at home. People will be dicks, I know.
I am 27 years old and I confided to one co-worker after her persistent questioning about my life that I couldn't conceive naturally, no biggy to me, however she made a huge deal about it asking why I didn't adopt, why haven't I had fertility treatments. She is about 18 years old, I shrugged it off to social immaturity.
However, on that exact same day, she started making comments when I would smile or talk to children (I work with a lot of children and families), or if I mentioned "that was a cute kid", that I was being creepy. She even said it sounded like I wanted to kidnap the child.
I actually almost burst into tears. I was stunned so didn't know what to say, so just chuckled that it wasn't in a creepy way. Ever since then she stares at me when I speak to mothers with babies or children. She makes these remarks often, and each time I feel so angry. Another co-worker has also started saying this to me.
I am just so hurt by this, I doubted myself at first and thought I actually was doing something creepy at first, and stopped smiling at children, looking at them, or speaking to them. I feel sad, but I know that I am not wrong for being joyful around children. I do not laugh at them, or directly seek them out to talk to them, they come up to me. Everything was fine before I told her this.
Is this how men feel around young children? I feel stigmatized. How on earth do I handle this? She is a good worker, and a good person, just on this I have no idea what on earth to say to her to stop it without sounding defensive. | What do I say to a co-worker who automatically thinks I'm a creepy kidnapper because I can't have kids?* |
t3_244mbj | relationships | Do you fall asleep holding your SO? | I've [F22] been dating my boyfriend [M23] for 2 1/2 years. We haven't been able to sleep in the same bed much because of our long distance relationship due to me going to school in a different state. During school breaks, I live at home with my parents and they do not let him stay the night. He has graduated school, but lives at home to save money, and his parents won't let me stay the night.
We recently went on vacation alone together during spring break. We had the opportunity to sleep in the same bed together. It has been a dream of mine to fall asleep holding someone I love. He could not fall asleep with me holding him and slept as far away from me on the bed as possible, saying he "needs his space for sleep or his insomnia will kick in." I would think that after not being able to do this for so long that he would be excited to fall asleep with me. The next night I asked him to hold me as we fell asleep, he tried and it lasted for about ten minutes before he let go and rolled over to the far side of the bed. I wasn't asleep yet, and rolled over to try to hold him and he pushed me away again.
It makes me very sad that he cannot do this and I'm wondering if this is a common ordeal, or if it is just him. | I want to have my SO hold me, or me hold him when we fall asleep and he won't let it happen. |
t3_1nnnpg | relationships | Me [15 F] with my boyfriend [15 M] of 2 months, haven't progressed intimately | Sorry the title sounds so robotic and precise. Before you even start typing about how my age is so relevant in how stupid this post is and hating on it for being about teenagers, please make sure you understand that I realize how pathetic this sounds.
Me and my boyfriend haven't 'initiated much contact' since we've been going out. We hug occasionally but it's brief and pretty friendly in a way. We haven't actually held hands yet though. We sit close to each other I guess but that doesn't really count for much. Our conversations are just us being idiots and talking about exploding cats. Romantic right? I want to start being more affectionate but I'm clueless as to how your supposed to commence this without it being extremely awkward.
I know he likes me (that sounds modest), he asked me out after ages of hanging out with our group and laughing at all my lame-ass attempts at being funny. He's pretty shy and i'm pretty certain he wont initiate anything romantic. I would, but i'm just have no idea how. | Our relationship so far is based on being friendly. Any advice or suggestions as to how one attempts to be more intimate without awkwardness? |
t3_2lh8zh | relationship_advice | I [29f] am dating [for3months] someone [29m] with a child for the first time. Help me better understand my role? | Hello Reddit,
I'm dating a guy with a baby for the first time ever. I have done my best not to get involved with someone with a child because I don't know what it's like so it kind of freaked me out. I just got back in this relationship 3 months ago but we were engaged about 8 years ago. Everything was amazing until I had a miscarriage and it broke our hearts which pushed us away and we gave up on us. We were too young to know how to get through it together I suppose.
Fast forward 4 years: He knocked up this chick about 3 months after meeting her so they had a shotgun wedding which lasted about 6 months. Now they are divorced and he has full custody of his 1 year old son. He says his son needs a woman figure in his life and that he knows his son loves me to pieces and that he has been having dreams about his kid calling me mom. I have never dated anyone with a child, I don't have any children either. I don't know how this is supposed to go.
I bought the baby a hat with fur and the BF asked me to take it off, he didn't want his son wearing any fur. I thought the hat was adorable but this has me thinking. Is this normal? If we get serious and get married, will I have no say about his life? Will I just be a live in nanny where he makes all the decisions and I have no say in anything? Is that how it's supposed to be? We have been talking for a while and the baby's mom wants nothing to do with the baby. I'm not expecting to replace his mom but I thought maybe if things progressed I would be his step-mom and love him as much as if he were my own but what responsibilities does this entail? I am so in love with them both! I just want to go into this knowing what to expect. | Help me better understand my role as the girlfriend of a guy with a baby and how it or if it would change in the future. What will be expected and accepted? |
t3_39og0z | tifu | TIFU By taking a playboy magazine to school | This happened when I was 7yrs old. My brother had multiple playboy magazine's. I was able to find one of his hidden ones. The next day at school I had told my friend about it, and me being the dumb child I was told him I would bring. So that afternoon I stuffed that Playboy Magazine in my backpack. I went on with my day, and my brother hadn't noticed I had taken it. So the next day I showed my friend the Playboy Magazine during breakfast. So I guess this Asian girl in my same class had seen it when I was showing my friend it. So fast forward 20 mins into the class the teacher called out my friend outside with his backpack, and 4 mindps after he was outside they walk back in. She then calls me out of the classroom with my backpack. She ask me to open my backpack so I do it. She sees the Playboy Magazine. She tells me to close the backpack and to go back into the class. She goes to the office and hands the backpack to the principal.
So the teacher comes back with the principal. Now this teacher I had I was almost certain she hated me and was looking for reason to get me out of her classroom. I had also had her husband for kindergarten. Which I was a very bad kid in his class too.They walk in the principal ask me to come out so I can go to his office. He calls my parents gives them the whole story. So my mom came to the school, and while she was in the office I was in a new class with a different teacher. This teacher was so fucking badass she was my most favorite teacher ever. So my mom decided to take me out of school for the rest of the day. She had told me that the principal had told that she should've hid those Magazine s better. Which she was very embarrassed by. I went the rest of the year known as the stupid kid who brought a Playboy Magazine to school. | Took a Playboy Magazine to school during 1st grade, embarrassed my mother, I get known as the stupid kid who brought a Playboy Magazine to school. |
t3_2dr6ez | relationships | My ex [27M] moved out, I[23F] feel hung up on him even though he was a jerk. | We had been together for about 3 years. In the beginning of course everything was really nice, we went on lots of dates and he was super. Things progressed and we ended up getting a place together. We fought a lot at first but got used to living with each other. However we had some problems like incompatible lifestyles and aspirations, so we broke up.
He was a jerk though and ended up in trouble with the law (and a hefty lawyer fine because of it), sexually assaulting me, driving drunk, dealing drugs to coworkers, dealing to his friends from our place, unknowingly buying date rape drugs because he thought they were workout supplements, ignoring me when he played video games (like not even acknowledging my existence when I would ask a question), seeming angry with me all the time (he always said that he wasn't angry but this was something his ex felt too. he would even get angry at me for being sad too much). He also got angry at me for not being "good enough" at my own aspirations.
Yet when he left for the last time I couldn't control myself crying and missing him already - it's so easy to think of the good times and the little kisses on my forehead and the hugs and experiences we shared. I don't regret the time we spent together but he is clearly a jerk so why do I feel so bad that he's actually gone now?? :( I feel like I'm crazy please let me know that I'm not the only person who has been through something like this. | My jerk ex just moved out and I am crying and feeling shitty even though I rationally realize he's a jerk. How do I stop feeling bad? |
t3_51rsjo | tifu | TIFU and had to carry boxes | Okay, I love reading tifu's and yesterday I had one of my own. Hence I felt obliged to share it with you guys, here goes.
I'm 16 years old and play football (European) in a U-16 (or u-17) team. To earn some money for the team we had to go out and sell underwear/socks from a catalogue made by a company called newbody. I sold a lot of stuff, and when i sent my order it was a pretty big one.
Fast forward to the day they announce when we can pick up our orders, about 3 days before the actual pick up. I ignore the message thinking "Surely mom will se this?".
Skip ahead another 3 days in time, I have football practice. We had just finished our warm up when I look across the field and see a man carrying boxes. Boxes of newbody clothes. At this moment I realize that I hadn't told my mom to go get the boxes and she actually took our only car into the city to go shopping. In my head I'm trying to come up with a solution, i figure that my best option is calling her after practice.
We finish up the session, and I call my mom. She doesn't answer. The coach says "Guys, there are still 3 people who haven't picked up their boxes" One of the other guys ask if we can pick it up another day, we can't. So what do I do? Well I do the only rational thing. Carry them.
I pick them up and they're probably about 15kg atleast, and I have a football bag as well. So I walk the 1km that I have to walk to get home, and what do I see after my excruciating 20min walk? My mom is home...
Apparently she didn't check her cellphone, so if I had called home instead none of this would have happened. But here we are and my arms are still sore. | Forgot to tell mom about boxes, call her on cell instead of home number, forced to walk 1km with 15kg+ even though I could have gotten a ride home. |
t3_3tyck5 | relationships | Me [23 M] with girl (21F) that I met and worked with closely for couple weeks, hooked up at party, but she's a bad kisser. | I know this girl for a couple weeks now, and we're both in the board of a small students organization. We click on a personal level, and I felt attracted to her. On a party 2 days ago, after some alcohol, we started kissing. And yesterday she came over, we talked a lot, kissed, snuggled.
We both feel very responsible for our students organization, which makes it confusing, should anything happen between us.
And on top of that, my main problem right now, is I don't like her kissing technique. I've only kissed one other girl before, my ex of 2,5 years, which always felt very relaxed and nice. But with this girl now, she goes full throttle immediately and pushes her tongue into my mouth. I'm put off a bit by this, and hesitate to take things further with her.
Is this something to break things off with her already? Or should I try to talk with her about this? (I fear she'll be insulted if I bring this up) | Met and worked with girl at students organization couple weeks, kissed her at party, but hate the way she kisses. Now unsure how to proceed. |
t3_2qdkwj | relationships | Me [24 F] with my bf [22 M] together for 4 years, we get into stupid disagreements and it makes me want to break up before anything worse happens? | My bf [22/M] and myself [24/F] get into silly arguments about minor things: planning a date, figuring out when to meet... Minor day to day things.
But our style of dealing with confrontation is completely different: he gets cold and apathetic while I want to hash it out and just deal with it.
These little arguments make me want to end it, and just move on even though I know it's not the smartest thing because I care for him very much and want us to last.
Is this just my fear of something larger (rejection or losing control) or do other people feel this too? | BF & I argue sometimes about small things, but it makes me want to peace before I get hurt. Is this normal or just me? |
t3_170374 | loseit | Hello /r/loseit, I am way too overweight (for personal preferences, not on a universal scale) and am seeking advice here | Well, hello, first I'll start with my problem, I am 14 years old, 180cm/6 foot tall, and currently weigh 110kg, or in the imperial system about 243 Pounds, and according to the Broca Index (I am not very profound in measuring ideal weight, and don't know which system is the most reliable, but I have chosen this as it is easier to achieve) I should go down to 80kgs/176 pounds, thus resulting in me having to lose 30 kgs/66 pounds, I haven't really got a solid eating order such as breakfast/dinner/lunch so I basically am eating every once in a while/constantly and then eat dinner with my family somewhere between 6pm and 9pm (rather conflicting times). My endurance is extremely bad and under average, I can hardly run 200-500m before exhaustion, so the "I ran 6 miles a day for 3 years" stories won't apply to me, and I also eat too much Junk Food such as Chips and the like. Now, the obvious things like cutting on Junk food flow and similar I am aware and trying to work on (success not necessarily involved). I would like to ask this place as I have seen succesful stories here, if you've got any advice for me | Fatass teenager with constant food flow and less to no endurance needs to lose 30kg/66lbs, is seeking help on here |
t3_1lndoy | travel | Suggestions for SE Asia? | Hi there /travel,
I was hoping for some advice regarding SE Asia. I'm currently a college senior who will be graduating in early June of 2014. I want to travel following my graduation, and since I studied abroad in Europe, I was thinking of going to SE Asia. However, because I'm not sure what my job situation will be, I'm not sure exactly how long I'll be there or what my budget will be.
I've read an absolute ton of information on traveling there, but was hoping that some of you could help me to prioritize what to do and see. Plus, putting it into context and hearing stories and experiences from people directly gives a better perspective (I feel).
Brief info on what I'm thinking so far:
Hoping to get at least a month in, if I have a job locked down I would definitely be down to extend it. If I don't have a job, it may have to be shorter
I'm interested in any and all countries in that region: India, Thailand, Nepal, Bhutan, Cambodia, Laos, Vietnam, Indonesia, Malaysia, etc. (Am I missing any?)
Basically, what I'm asking is, what is / are *the* thing(s) that I shouldn't miss while over there? As I'm doing my research my list is growing rapidly to the point where I don't think I could be able to fit it in to a month (if I'm even able to stay that long).
Thanks for reading this massively long post, and thanks for all of your help! | I want to go to SE Asia next summer. What is *the* thing (in any of the countries) that I shouldn't miss? |
t3_38683v | relationships | Me [22F] with my baggage. am I doomed forever? | I have a lot of baggage regarding sexual assaults. I think I'm just one of those people who predators can pick out of a group. People have always been able to sense the vulnerability in me, I've grown to learn and almost accept this. It's part of who I am, really.
Anyways, the past two years have been a really dark time for me. From the assaults to the hospitalization, the legal aspects, dealing with my family and school... it's been a mess.
The past couple months, I've really wanted a relationship. I have a bunch of friends, a bunch of male friends too. I actually live with 4 guys who are like my brothers. But I really want a real live boyfriend who supports me and has adventures with me and works out with me and smokes with me and can talk to me, and be a shoulder to cry on once in a while.
Lately it's been a bit harder, since I have to testify against one of my rapists. I have been dating this guy for about 3 months who makes me so so happy.. we are just so compatible. We do all different kinds of things together and make each other laugh constantly. But he is completely unwilling, or unable to support me with what I'm going through, and that kills me. It's not like he gets mad at me if I talk about it or anything like that, but he doesn't understand why I might've cried after sex that one time. He doesn't get that when I seem upset is when I need him to hug me the most. He doesn't want me to rely on him to make me feel better, which I totally understand. But I can't help but think emotional support is not too much to ask for..
This seems to happen all the time. I meet a guy who I try so hard to not fall for. They charm me until I fall for them and decide to trust them but once I tell them any of my secrets.. they fade away.
I'm beginning to think that no guy will ever want me.. no guy would ever want someone so damaged and hurt. And that breaks my heart. | I'm a rape victim who's close to giving up on finding someone who will genuinely love me. Am I wasting my time? |
t3_3mupxb | relationships | I [17 M] thought of a way to ask out my crush [17 F] but I want to know if it is good | EDIT: [Here is an update to this whole situation](
Basically, there's this girl in my class and she's amazing. We agree and relate to each other on so much, she's physically a knock out, she's so funny and just fun to talk to. We were in the same class and talked a couple of years back, but were never really too close. Now though, we sit next to each other in class, and always have a good laugh. She makes quite a few excuses to touch me, sometimes nudges my leg under the desk (never brought this up to her), always talk about how she spots other people flirting in class (maybe hinting at how she thinks we're flirting), and lightly teasing me quite a bit.
Anyway, the other day we were bored in class and I made her a list of movies and TV shows to watch that she hasn't seen. There were loads. It's a bit cringy I suppose, but it's was something to do. Today, in return, she made me a list of movies that I have to watch too. Now, here comes my idea; I could combine the lists into one mega list and suggest lightheartedly that getting through it would be much easier with another person, and if she responds well, tell her that we should just watch them all together. I don't know if it's too soon to do this (we've only really been talking again for about a month), and I don't want it to come across as creepy or turn her away or anything. So, should I do this, or is it a terrible idea? | Made crush a list of good movies, she made one for me. Going to combine them and ask if she will help me watch them. Good or bad? |
t3_387uev | relationships | I [19/M] is having trouble telling GF [19/F]of two months that BFF[17/F] and I are just really friends. | Hello good people of r/relationships. Hope you listen to my story for a while and give me advice/s on what shoud I do. Currently in mobile so if any grammar/format is amiss, I apologize in advance.
Okay so I have been with my gf for two months. Was happy with her and having some of the best moments in my life with her. My family knows her as well as her family knows me. Pretty much were contended and happy with each other. Finally after some time I told her I have a bff, who is a girl. Why did I say that, because when I told her that she went over the line got jealous of her. Bff and I dont live close to each other however we go to the same college. Gf lives also quite some distance, about two hours. She's jealous because I always get to with my bff, then whenever she sees me texting my bff she gets mad.
I love my gf alot, I would love to make this relationship grow more into well something permanent(high hopes). But she is extremely jealous with my bff, she thinks that my bff will take her away from me and all that. But I keep trying and explaining over and over again that we would stay as Bff's . Then she makes one question, a question I never wouldve thought I would hope encounter; "You choose, ita either me or her." I was devastated with her asking that question. I kept on reassuring her still that there is nothing going on with us(bff and I).
I hope I can get some advice or what should I do to reassure her for good.
If anything is unclear or lacking information, I would gladly add it when I get on my computer. | Me and Gf are fighting because she is jealous of my bff. Texting/being with bff is a big no-no for her. Gf gave ultimatum. |
t3_1n2wc5 | relationships | I[M26] told my female friend [22] how I feel about her. Expected the worst. However she's more talkative and comfortable around me. Good sign? | She didn't exactly respond about it. Just said she had a feeling about what I felt and that's why she became distant. So admitting to her, should have made her more distant right? Well I did, and now we still talk, and we've been more open than we were the past couple of months. She's been cool and even IDK how to describe it, "Giddy". Just real joyful.
Feels like how things use to be when we first started talking.
I have not text her in 3 weeks since I told her, and only see her at work once or twice a week. Not trying to get my hopes up, and afraid to "kill it". Though not texting might do the same thing. I just been waiting for her to text me first since she hasn't been the one to initiate in a long time, also didin't want to seem all clingy. | old friend how I feel, she didn't seem to feel the same, admitted that she kept her distance from noticing before, then came back around, and has been comfortable and happy to talk to me ever since. |
t3_w0658 | relationship_advice | [20/m] with [20/f] gf, both college/military backgrounds. Might break up? | So me and my gf go back to when we were both in High School, and Civil Air Patrol cadets. We both went to a summer training event in 2007 and talked on and off for years. Then I started going to college in Long Island (where she is from) we start talking again after she transfered to another school on the island. We met up the first week in January and starting daiting two weeks after. Im a AFROTC cadet, and so was she in till she transfered back, did a semester of AROTC on the Island, and Joined the Frat Pershing Rifles. I told her before we started daiting that I wanted her to be open to me, and that she could tell me about anything. Recently after about 5 1/2 months of dating she feels like we are not right for each other. I ask into it, and she tells me about these issues she had with me after the fact of her making up her mind that she doesnt want to be with me. I dont know what to do, and am trying everything to convince her these problems can be fixed, and that I do trust her. I supported her when she was pledging the frat, and after she was in we had an issue with another cadet that was trying to get with her while knowing she was with me. We fixed it and he stopped bothering her, but after that she feels like she cant talk to me about her guy friends with me getting upset or jealous. I dont mind her guy friends, and they all seem pretty chill/nerdy. I just wish she had been fully open with me about her problems, and will talk to me about it. I leave for an Air Force training program for a couple weeks tomorrow, and is stressing me out. I will be able to talk to her on and off, but at this point Im not sure what else to say. Any help would be greatly apprecaited. | GF wants to break up, tells me issues she had with me (fixable) after the fact of her decideing that we arent right for each other. All I wanted was her to be honest. Trying to fix it. |
t3_36dlbn | relationships | Me [27M] & [27F] girlfriend - long distance (50 minutes or so) it's getting difficult... (3 mos. or so) | We've been at it for about 3 months. It's great when we hang out for the most part - into each other, good sex, fun going out etc. However she lives 50 minutes away and she works so much that I see her once, twice a week at most. She is often stressed a lot from work and barely has enough time to feed and let her dog out to pee let alone see me, and it often takes several hours for her to relax when I'm there and often her mind feels elsewhere.
We resort to texting for a lot of our conversations and there's often communication misunderstandings, she can get jealous if I go out with friends and not tell her who I'm with, she reads too much into things, and we have an argument. I realize it's stressing me out and her quite a bit. We've had 3 of these "fights" in 3 months, 2 in the last 1 month.
Last night's discussion ended with us being much more forthcoming and trying to udnerstand each other's situation a lot better, and trying again, but we both realized the distance between us (we both are only free 7:30pm+ weeknights, and her at most one day on the weekend, so we never can just casually visit each other) and these little fights are causing more stress than may be worth.
I'm forced to move next month and decided I have to move somewhere close to where I'm at again, and she won't be moving from her place for several months, so we're guaranteed to be stuck this far apart for at least half a year...which sucks.
Not sure if anyone with similar experience can chime in. | LDR with two people who work a lot and can barely see each other, not sure if it's worth toughing it out. |
t3_td3kt | running | Help with a possible injury | About 3 weeks ago, I went for a 4 mile run. After the run, my knees were a bit uncomfortable. I did the stretching and stuff and moved on, no problem. A couple days later, my knees (especially the left) were pretty stiff and painful to bend. I tried to stay off my feet for the most part to let it rest and hopefully pass.
Since then, I haven't gone for a run because my knees are still uncomfortable and I don't want to aggravate the "injury." I don't have insurance and can't afford the doctor, so I was just wondering if anyone else had some insight on to what it is and what I could do to fix the issue. I want to get back to running really badly, but I don't want to put myself back at square one with the knees. | Hurt my knee running. Pain came on day 2, has just been mildly uncomfortable since. No money for doctors. What do I do? |
t3_1wjhai | relationships | My gf (f17) of 4 months says she no longer feels romantically attracted to me (m18) | So recently we've had a few issues with our relationship and I've done my hardest to fix them but I just had to go out of town this week for family matters and earlier tonight my gf told me that she no longer feels as romantically attracted to me and may or may not want to break up when I get back. I really care about this girl and would do anything to keep her and in really need some help on what I can do to get that feeling back for her. She says she's really conflicted for the first time in her life because I'm the first guy that has actually treated her right and she thinks she doesn't deserve me because I'm too good for her but somehow she isn't romantically attracted to me now.
I just want to know what I can say or do to help her get that feeling back when I get back next Monday to try and convince her surely to stay with me. She's definitely becoming the woman I love but one I love because she hides her feelings until it turns bad like this and I have almost no clue what to do. I really don't want to lose her at all. Ever. I want to work with her as a couple to fix the issues we have but then she says I'm too clingy. I'm not sure how I am but correct me if I'm wrong but if you love someone or something you're going to want to be around it a lot and somewhat cling to it for a while til you become accustomed to it, right?
Oh also as a side note, we took each other's virginities if that matters at all (something to go off of maybe?)
Either way, I would greatly appreciate any ideas on how to be romantic and get that feeling back with her. I don't want to be friendzoned by the woman I've had sex with multiple times. So anything romantic (or even just something to build her confidence in me would do). Preferably ideas that parents would usually be cool with and are relatively cheap. | gf doesn't feel romantically attached to me anymore and I want to get that feeling back somehow without being super clingy |
t3_1n4k05 | relationships | How soon is too soon? | So I (26F) ended things with my ex (26M, 4+ years together) about 2 months ago. It wasn't a great relationship and I was completely out of love with him by the end.
Shortly before the breakup, I met a new person (30M) at work (different employer, same building), though I didn't start seeing him regularly until about 3 weeks ago. He's relatively flirty, and we've gone out twice, platonically. During the second platonic event I told him I was single.
We talk almost daily, as he stops by my office or I end up texting him. I've asked him to hang out again, but I haven't clarified if I want it to be a date...mostly because I'm not sure if it's too soon.
So, kind friends of /r/relationships, do you think that 2 months is an appropriate time to start seeing other people or should I wait longer? | Got out of a bad relationship about 2 months ago. Met a new guy I like a lot. Is it too soon? |
t3_v35ev | AskReddit | My friend refused to accept a pirating job, and is being threatened to have his details released. What the fuck do i tell him? | Okay. Throwaway here, in case someone recognises my account.
My friend has been in some...illegitimate tomfoolery in the past with games. He released a few pieces of his *work* to the internet and was contacted by an admin of a website or something. He was a bit 'fuzzy' on that. Basically, this admin wants my friend to code a hacked client of this game. My friend refused, as he thought it was a bit dodgy, which is a bit ironic considering the situation. Now this admin has *somehow* gotten hold of my friends address and telephone and is threatening to release them. Is there any advice I can give him? According to what he says, he had created his pieces of 'work' just for his friends. I will try wring more info out of him, as some of the details of this story are a bit sketchy. | friend showed off a few hacks, someone offered him a job to make a cracked client. friend refused, and now is being threatened to have his personal details released. |
t3_3n3d3y | tifu | TIFU by having my son doodling a terrorist attack.... on an airplane | Like any good FU I am waiting to post it, this happened last Friday. We were leaving on a family vacation and my son (6), has recently taking an interest in drawing. He decided that he wanted to take his little notepad and pen with him on the flight, which was about 3 hours.
Fast forward to about 2 hours into flight, iPad was not doing the trick, so he decided to doodle a story. I figured that since we were on an airplane I would tell him to draw the airplane we were on.
This is where things turn dark. It takes him all of like a minute to draw the plane, no satisfied with just a plane he decides to spruce it up a little. He begins to draw a "guy" on the plane and something else I couldn't make out on the side of the page. This is how the conversation goes.
**Me** "What's that, little buddy"
**Tiny Terrorist** "Oh, that's just a guy"
**Me** "What's he doing" (Noticing his "guy" is holding something)
**Tiny Terrorist** "He's fighting, daddy"
**Me** "Why is he doing that??"
**Tiny Terrorist** "Well because the plane is about to crash into a sky scraper"
**Me** "Ok, were just going to take this book and put it away and not talk about this until after we get off the plane"
Mind you we are on an airplane and he is 6, so he is yelling quite loud because he's not used to flying on an airplane..... | Take son on plane, son draws said plane crashing into a sky scraper. Pretty sure son is tiny terrorist. |
t3_4m7ij1 | relationships | My girlfriend [F/26] was asked by her best friend's BF [F&M both 24ish] to help him propose, but she already knows the proposal will result in denial | Hey guys,
I am asking on behalf of my girlfriend because English is not her first language.
So basically she was asked by her best friend's boyfriend to help him propose, we are all flying out to Sri Lanka for a holiday later this year. He wasn't coming but he wants to show up and surprise his gal and then freaking propose to her.
But here's the kicker, my girlfriend already knows that the girl is likely to refuse the proposal. Apparently she already asked her back in April "what would you do if your boyfriend proposed to you?" and the girl said she'd say no because she's not sure if the guy is the right man for her.
My girlfriend has no idea what to do, what should she do given this sticky situation.
Additionally I SWEAR I read something like this cropping up in a very popular /r/relationships post before but i just can't find it anywhere. Can anyone provide a link? | Guy wants to spend a shit load of money to surprise his girlfriend and propose to her and he wants my girlfriends help, however the answer is very likely to be no. |
t3_5402kn | relationships | My [21F] friend [23F] sleeps with married men and I can't look at her the same. | I found out recently that my very close friend does full service sex work that primarily involves sleeping with married men. She also accepts gifts and cash "allowance" from them.
This girl has been a very good friend to me and I know at my heart that she is a good person, but I am so disgusted by this. I can't believe she is willingly breaking up families like this. I'm sure maybe some of their wives know about it but I feel that must be a small fraction. And further more, she is accepting money from a man that he could be spending on supporting his family, paying for his kids piano lessons or putting away for their college.
I don't know why I'm taking this so personally because I'm not married and it's not like I come from a family broken apart by an affair or anything, but I think family is sacred and I am just so so disgusted by this. Every time I think about her or even see her name pop up in my messages I feel sick to my stomach.
I feel that I am being prejudiced here but I don't know what to do because I don't know if I can ever think that what she's doing is ok. I know she's a good person but I don't know if I can accept her participating in something that is unforgivable in my eyes.
Is there anything to do to salvage this friendship? Should I even try? | My friend sleeps with married men for money and I find it despicable, not sure how to save the friendship or if I even want to but I don't know if I'm overreacting. |
t3_2fblzc | legaladvice | Got a court case in Orlando on the 4th, confused about the info on their website, and how to find out where it's being held at. | So I got into some trouble with my ex, we were in Walmart and he decided that it's a good idea to steal some stuff and put it in my purse, he then switched the price on an 80$ item to a 10$ item and we got into trouble.
I'm not with him anymore nor do I care what he's up to, my court date is on the 4th (separate from his), and I had a paper for that. After we got into trouble, I went home for about 3 months (all the way in Europe) and have gotten back and am in the process of moving out of his place and into my own (he's in jail) and during the process lost my paper.
I look myself up on the orange county website, only to find this info, which I find very confusing...
I think they had a different court date than the one they gave me? Cause I don't know what happened... I moved from my apartment into his after (not because I was stupid, but because my lease ran out at my place and I was already mostly at his, and pretty much after that happened, I went away and planned to move out from his), so I never got any mail stating court date change... I forwarded mail from the day that I got the court date but I didn't get anything...
Next to my name, there's a red W. I'm freaking out, what's going to happen? I don't like this one bit... ahh... I can't afford a lawyer... | got a ticket for petit theft, and got a court date, lost ticket, looked it up and turns out I had a different court date assigned and now there's a warrant? for my arrest? |
t3_nxpri | AskReddit | Reddit, how much would you pay for a "pay-what-you-want" novel? | A little background: I'm an author and have decided to release my next novel as a pay-what-you-want model for the PDF version. I'm currently selling it exclusively to Kindle (part of a program Amazon offers) and free to Prime members. In 90 days, however I can sell it however I want and I have always been a fan of pay-what-you-want music sales.
Truth be told, the money doesn't really matter to me, I just want to get it into as many hands as possible. The kindle version is 7.99 (nook will probably be here as well), free to prime members, paperback will probably be around $14 (due to cost of materials, etc). | With the publishing industry going through rapid changes like the music industry did in the past decade, what is a novel worth to you? |
t3_1exwcs | weddingplanning | How do I give my best friend a worthy birthday celebration two days before my wedding?? | I just booked my wedding venue for next August, on the only weekend that was available. My best friend and maid of honor graciously told me earlier when we were discussing dates that I could use her birthday weekend if necessary (her birthday is on a Thursday). Turns out, that was the only weekend my venue had available in a 3 month range, so I went with it.
I am totally not someone who thinks my wedding has to be all about me--in fact, I asked my boyfriend if we could get her a cake and sing happy birthday to her at the wedding, and he thought I was being ridiculous.
What can I do to make sure her birthday is still special two days before my wedding? The wedding is a couple hours away from where I live, and we will be there for the whole weekend, so we will be departing for the venue the morning after her birthday. Obviously I will have a lot of friends and family in town and she has met many of them but most are not actual mutual friends (she and I have never lived in the same city!). We have been best friends for 12 years and I have not had the opportunity to spend her birthday with her in about 7 years. I am actually really excited that I will be able to next year, but I realize I will probably be super busy and crazed with pre-wedding stuff. How do I strike a good balance between honoring her special day and not going insane before mine??
Note: she is the kind of person who LOVES her birthday, just because she loves fun things, and usually does something creative like going ice skating or having a picnic to celebrate. She is totally not self-centered about it at all, just likes getting people together to do fun stuff! I'm sure she doesn't expect much but I'd like to go above and beyond her expectations because I love her! | Best friend/maid of honor's birthday is two days before my wedding. How do I give her an awesome celebration?? |
t3_2qz3gc | relationships | I'm (20M) afraid to go out for new years with people i used to go to high school with... | I'm home from university and got invited to a bar by a girl and her friends that I used to go to high school with. Me and her have been talking recently, we reconnected even though we didnt talk much in highschool.
Problem is is that in high school i severely suffered with social anxiety. I didnt talk to people much and i had a really horrible 4 years. I went to university and i met alot of new people and now i have a couple really close friends, though none of them live around my hometown.
I thought I got over this problem but obviously I didnt. If anyone can help me understand why this is happening I would really appreciate it, dont have anyone to talk to at the moment so Im sort of freaking out. | Girl from highschool asked me to go to a bar with her friends for new years, my social anxiety from high school is returning just thinking about the scenario |
t3_4l4ej2 | relationships | My ex [23 F] and I [23 M] broke up Sunday after 5 years. It's now Wednesday and I'm making out with another girl. Am I a scumbag? | The break up was (mostly) mutual. We were both aware we had issues and that something needed to be done (the relationship seriously lacked intimacy and companionship). Difference is I thought we could work on it and she obviously didn't.
Now there's this girl who I started talking to just before the breakup (Saturday), and it was completely platonic. It was just helping a lot to talk about things with someone while my ex figured things out on her end. Now it's a few days later and we're making out on her couch? Does that make me a scumbag? If you were to ask me why I did it, I'd say it feels like an escape. Nearly everything reminds me of my ex, and when I'm doing this I think about her a lot less.
Torn up. | Gf broke up with me after five years, now I'm making out with another girl days after. Am I a scumbag? |
t3_3e918e | tifu | TIFU by playing with a Videogame Console | now, i often play videogames (even during summer, i don't need noone o' that natural light) and i often will play on consoles when i just want to have some fun. now, this FU is because i will often hold my controller just above my knees, and this often leaves my arms close to my legs/hip. because of my weist size, i need to have a belt going around my jeans, and it has two rows of metal balls going around it, and these will often retain heat a lot, especially while near my laptop fan (for obvious reasons).
so there i am, my laptop by my side as i stream some video games, using my laptop to check the stream quality and chat, when i start to feel a burning sensation mid way up my forearm. i hold the controller in my left hand, checking my right arm to notice a ball shaped section of lose skin. same size as the decorative metal balls on my belt. i realise what it was almost right away, and boy does it hurt. so, like the smart ass i am, i pinch the loose skin, and remove it, letting the new, sensitive skin show... never do that, it hurts a lot worse than leaving the loose skin. | Video games can't melt steel beams, but they can burn skin. i'm also a little bitch when it comes to pain. |
t3_3herbr | relationships | Me [22F] with my boyfriend [25M] of 1 year, he's having an identity crisis (being an ACOA) | My boyfriend's father is an alcoholic and his mother seems to be codependent. He is living with friends now, has a college degree, and doing temp work (he lost his ambition some time ago and has yet to get it back). I live 10 minutes away and we see each other almost everyday. I work really close to his place at my dream entry-level job after just graduating college this year so we see each other often.
He just quit smoking weed after a four-year addiction and began seeing a therapist who put him on antidepressants. He doesn't talk to me at all about what happens in therapy except for sometimes saying things like, "I'm not special. I don't know why everyone told me that growing up. I'm beginning to think I'm not even that smart," and, "I've lost my fire. The only time I have any drive is when I'm playing basketball on the weekends and sometimes video games."
It breaks my heart to see him going through this. We only have serious talks like this every few weeks because he doesn't usually show signs that anything is wrong. Usually we are in high spirits and like to laugh a lot together. We both enjoy a lot of the same things and hold most of the same values.
Basically, right now he's dealing with the things he never got to deal with in his childhood. I'd love to have a future with him but I don't know how long it will be until he feels secure enough in himself and ready to move in together or take the next step in our relationship. I feel personally ready to move in with him but I know he's not ready.
I had a great childhood and never had to find myself in therapy. I'm wondering if anyone has had a similar experience with an ACOA who is trying to find themselves. What can I do to help him through this? | boyfriend is an ACOA who just started therapy/meds. Wondering when/if he'll ever be ready to take the next step in our relationship because I am ready. |
t3_3rz642 | tifu | TIFU by accidentally taking the SAT high | Friday 2pm- Feeling stressed from studying I should eat a pot brownie to calm my nerves.
Friday 7pm- Wow this stuff is strong it still hasn't worn off.
Friday 10pm- Oh gosh I'm still really high I should sleep this off.
Saturday 6:30am- FUCK FUCK FUCK I HAVE TO TAKE THE SAT IN AN HOUR I'M STILL HIGH.
Saturday 7:45- Ok calm down test starts in 15 minutes.
First section: Essay- ok I got this I've done this a hundred times before this'll be easy... What does this word mean... I dont understand this prompt... Whatever I'll just write down some bullshit.
Sections 2-10 still sort of fuzzy brained but nothing too bad.
Overall it was an ok test I'm guessing a score of around 2000? | takes edibles to chill out. Stays high way longer than expected. Take the most important test of my life under the influence. 10/10 would do again |
t3_32b6gu | tifu | TIFU by stretching during a game of beer pong | Thia fu did not happen today.
So, I was at a good girl friend's house playing some beer pong. The game was pretty close and I decided I needed to loosen up before my next shot. My stretch of choice was terrible. It's the one where you turn your upper body while leaving your hips and legs planted. Being quite a few beers in and feeling good, I left my arms loose. I'm 6'2 with a wingspan that's longer than my height. I get a few rotations in when BAM, I feel my forehand catch something full contact. I turn around and....it's my friend/the host. She's like, 5'4...so my hand caught her right across her cheek. I straight pimp slapped her at a decent velocity. Felt terrible, but she's a pretty damn chill girl and she got over it pretty quick. | was drunk, decided to stretch out my lb/hips dynamically with my long ass wingspan and pimpslapped a girl in the face. |
t3_2yyjoz | tifu | TIFU by chastising my boyfriend. | This actually happened about a year ago. Full disclosure!
My boyfriend and I have been together an absurdly long time. We're pretty comfortable with each other. Sometimes I get annoyed and give him crap for his bad manners. He farts and burps and snorts and blows snotrockets in public. It drives me nuts. This background is necessary.
We were on vacation and were having a great time, just came back from the beach and were taking the elevator back to our hotel room and were on the elevator with two girls, who happened to be black. This information is also important.
We were all waiting silently when someone let out a loud burp. It sounded just like one of my guy's burps when I elbowed him and looked at one of the girls apologetically and said, "so rude!"
My boyfriend turned to me and said, "It wasn't me." I was confused for a second until one of the girls looked at me and told me it was them. I immediately felt like an ass. We waited in awkward silence for a few more seconds until the elevator doors opened and we got out and she started yelling that I was a racist. I turned to her and said that I promise I'm not a racist and my boyfriend just has bad manners.. definitely made it worse. We went back to our hotel room and I was pretty upset.
My boyfriend thought it was hilarious and figured that would show me for giving him shit for his crappy manners. He's probably right. | Gave my boyfriend crap for burping in an elevator. A random girl in a state far away thinks that I am a racist. |
t3_3b93ck | relationship_advice | [29/m]My girlfriend's [23/f] sex drive basically stopped on account of past abuse. | My girlfriend and I have been seeing each other for 4 months now, though we've been friends for a number of years prior. We had a pretty intense and very natural love connection, and on all accounts still do, except for in the bedroom.
Sex at first was regular and seemingly healthy. After about 3 months it started to slow down. When we do have sex she will do what she can to help me orgasm, but won't really try to get herself there. I asked about things she likes/things she doesn't like and tried to create a dialog about it but got no where. Now the sex has stopped completely. After feeling frustrated and a bit sad about the situation we had an open talk about it and she confided in me about an occurrence of sexual abuse from her childhood that she feels has completely separated intimacy from sex for her, and that she only enjoys casual sex even though she knows it's an unhealthy route for her. When I brought up counseling she said she's not ready to face it and that with everything going on in her life sex isn't a priority.
I want to be supportive of her feelings and her past, but I feel like only counseling can help her past this. I also know that it's not my place to make her confront it. Ultimately I know at some point I have to do whats right for me if my needs aren't being met but in the meantime I want to at least try to work past this. Does anyone have any advice on ways to help connect intimacy and sex? | Girlfriend's past sexual abuse has made it hard for her to have sex in a committed relationship. Advice for connecting intimacy with sex. |
t3_1oqknc | relationships | Me [18 M] and Girlfriend [18 F] of about 2 months disagree on how she needs to handle other guys who are hitting on her. | So a little background, we met at college, we are both Freshmen, and right off the bat I liked her a lot.
So our relationship was going well, but it had a few hiccups. Her coworkers at her work (she works at a restaurant as a waitress) are constantly texting her, inviting her to parties, etc. By the way, all of her coworkers are about 22-25. So they are always flirting with her, and it makes me extremely angry sometimes, because she thinks it is harmless, but I care about her too much to just let some guys who are in their mid twenties with no girlfriends hit on her all the time.
Also, yesterday she said she was going to lunch with her friend, lets call him Adam. I asked her how she knew him and all that, and she said "what, are you jealous?" and I said yes, obviously because you are going to lunch with some random guy who I have never met.
So anyways, I feel like she needs to tell her coworkers off, and I don't feel comfortable with her going to lunch with a random guy who I've never met. She feels that it is fine, and I don't, what do you guys think? | My girlfriend gets constantly hit on by her coworkers and she is going to lunch with some guy I don't know. She thinks its fine and I don't. |
t3_1jib1l | AskReddit | Would you correct a spelling error of your name in a manuscript under review? | I was pleasantly surprised to receive an email confirmation today informing me that research I conducted 4 years ago while working on my undergraduate senior thesis was submitted for review in a scientific journal.
Yay! Except, *someone spelled my last name wrong on the submission*.
The thing is, it's in the earliest stage of review, so we're not even sure it will be accepted.
Would it be appropriate if I sent the editor assigned to our manuscript a tactful email requesting the spelling change? Or, would that just be annoying because they haven't even decided if it will be published? I'm just worried that I will miss my chance if it is eventually published.
Also, it's not like I'm first author (I contributed with research, but not writing), and my career has shifted a bit from microbiology, but I still wouldn't mind getting recognition for my past work (and I'm still pursuing a career the health field).
What would you do? Should I let this go? Is it wrong/selfish/greedy to want people to see the paper pop up when googling my name?
If only my advisor and/or collaborators would have sent me the manuscript to read and give comments!! Ugh...
So, should I contact the editor, corresponding author, or no one at all? | I might get published as contributing author on scientific paper from stuff I did years ago, but my name is spelled wrong. How do I proceed? |
t3_qc3bl | AskReddit | Dearest Reddit, my friend is caught up in a gang problem. What can I do? | She told me yesterday. And the following day, after work, the gang leader went to her house to further harass her after he'd been calling her all day, to quote her, 'fuck with (her)'
I don't want to give too much information away. We live in a fairly large town that does have its 'ghetto' side but is largely okay.
She got caught up in it as a pretty young kid (think elementary school young). She was pretty involved in it for a while, selling drugs and all that. But her friend got shot and killed by the gang and she wanted out. So she's no longer affiliated, but the gang is still 'bothering' her for leaving. She's a good person, makes an honest living and takes care of her friends. I want to do something to help her.
Again, I don't want to say too much in case they're on reddit and figure out who I'm talking about, so my apologies for the vagueness. But: | my friend was in a gang but is no longer. They threaten her still. What can I do to help, without getting her in trouble? |
t3_18qxx2 | AskReddit | Reddit, I'm having a dilemma about what degree I should get. How did your liberal arts degree help you? | Okay, so there might be a wall of text here, not sure yet. Going to ramble and hope my thoughts get across.
I came to college two and half years ago, we'll call it Schmoregon State University. I came here for a music education degree and quickly decided that it wasn't for me even though the staff was great. I bounced over to English because I've always been a stellar student in that field. I found myself enjoying the classes, but I realized that analysis of text is all speculation and frankly, bullshit. So I moved on. That was over the course of two terms my freshmen year.
After that I decided not to change my major but instead I would complete my requirements outside of a major and take "feeler" classes. The idea of law enforcement appealed to me, so that's where I've been since then. The only problem with this is that the process to become and officer and work my way up to detective can be difficult if I make it through the initial hiring phase; which can take up to a year or longer in some places.
What I need is a career that I can have comfortable living; meaning that I'm making at least 60k starting with the possibility to move up. At Schmoregon State we have a neat tool where we can look up "what if" scenarios for degrees and I'm almost finished with several degrees- English, Digital Media Communications, Speech Communications, and Sociology. I need to pick one, but I can't decide on which one would give me the best opportunities post-grad. | I'm trying to get my shit together and I have some degrees I'm close to finishing. Reddit, what did you do when you were in my position, and how did it pan out? |
t3_3flomu | tifu | TIFU by claiming to wear underwear belonging to my Co-workers' dead wife. | So, I used to work with this guy and one day while I (male) bent over to pick up something, he noticed that I was wearing Pink underwear.
As you would imagine, he told the other guys at work and they all had a good laugh.
This particular individual, however, went overboard with this joke and kept bringing it up in every conversation that ever ensued - weeks, and even months after (i.e. even a simple 'hello' from me in passing, would prompt him to say something like "how's that pink underwear going?!" while laughing to himself).
Anyway, this got very annoying and because I didn't have to deal with him much, I just let it go and stopped talking to him.
I eventually got promoted, got moved to a different branch and didn't see him again.... Until today (almost two years since I last saw him).
While picking up some files, I bump into him in front some of my old co-workers and say "Hey mate, how's it going?" and sure enough he replies with a smart-arsed "Still wearing that famous pink underwear?".
My natural response to this was to give him a peek of my elastic waistband (completely different pair) and say "What these? Nah mate, I was leaving your mrs.' place in a hurry again, but this time I remembered to put on the right pair".
Room went silent. Everyone was staring at me with a deathly gaze.
His Mrs. had passed away just a couple of months ago with cancer. This was his first week back at full-time work at the company since then. FML. | Guy giving me shit for pink underwear. I insinuate that it had belonged to his mrs. Unknown to me - His mrs. actually died a couple of months ago with cancer. |
t3_3ac7yj | relationship_advice | [25/F] I don't shave and now my boyfriend [m/25] tells me he finds it unattractive, wtf? | I have been dating this guy for almost two years now. When we started dating he 'wooed' me beyond belief. I asked him if it bothered him that I didn't shave and he said no. A year and a half later we barely have sex (maybe once a month) and I couldn't figure out why. My boyfriend finally admitted that finds me unattractive because I don't shave, in that he finds all body hair to be unattractive. I don't shave because I believe that there is a double standard for women to shave in order to look beautiful, I believe I am beautiful the way I look naturally. I am not one to wear makeup or get dolled up either and this doesn't seem to bother him. I love him so much and would do anything for him but is going against something I believe in in order for my significant other to find me attractive just completely fucking stupid or am I holding onto something that doesn't really mean that much? | my bf wants me to shave bc he doesn't find hair attractive and I have a strong viewpoint on women not shaving- is this a deal breaker? |
t3_2n2x9q | relationship_advice | How do I [19/m] reject [18/f] without hurting her? | Ok here goes.
I've got this girl who got a crush on me but I don't like her. The reason why I don't like her is both because she's the ex of an old friend of mine (I guess our relationship is over though), and because I don't feel the "spark".
She has been asking me every weekend for like two months if I want to do something, but I have declined with bad conscience every time. Today a common friend of our asked us and another girl to go see a movie together. I accepted the request because I really wanted to see that movie, and this girl asked me to. I really feel bad for disappointing her as much as I've done.
We had a great time at the movie and everything and went home for ourselves afterwards.
When I got home she started to chat with me on Facebook about what's wrong about "us" and everything. She just doesn't get why I don't wanna be with her (At least she pretends), so I started to agree. After a while she asked me to hang out tomorrow again, all by ourselves, but I had to come up with some bullshit story.
I just figured that I can't continue to let her down, but she just don't want to take the hint... She is cute, funny, nice and everything but I just can't date or hang out with her. | Girl got crush on me. I don't. She keeps asking me to hang out. Finds bullshit excuses. Doesn't take the hint. Ehr. |
t3_3i68bp | relationships | After months of torturing myself, I've [28 M] decided to tell my amazing girlfriend [27 F] of 1 year 2 months that i live with that I do not want marriage or kids ever. I'm finally telling her tonight. Please help... | We met last year and pretty much fell in love instantly. Moved in together after a few months and it's been the greatest year of my life! When we started dating the topic of kids and marriage came up early (naturally) and she's always wanted both. I have a daughter from a previous horrible relationship who I'm never allowed to see simply out of spite on my ex's part. Needless to say that has messed me around a little as I'm in no financial position to fight it (as much as I wish I could).
At the time I was open to the idea if I was to meet the right girl. However as time as passed, the idea of it terrifies me and I know now that I just can't do it.
The problem is that I absolutely adore this woman and want to spend my life with her, and I know she wants the same. She's started talking engagement and kids within the next few months and everytime it comes up now I try to subtly change the subject (she hasn't noticed that yet). I know that the relationship is doomed as I could not bring myself to try and stay together and rob her of the chance to be the incredible mother I know she'll be.
I know what needs to be done and I'll be telling her tonight, I just don't want us to end, she really is the love of my life and I can;t picture my life without her.
How do I even begin the conversation that'll pretty much ruin my (and her) life?? | !: Telling the woman I love that I can't provide the two things she want most in life and pretty much end the greatest thing I've ever had......Please help!! |
t3_119gph | AskReddit | When I was 18 I met one of my childhood heros Mike Mussina, All-star MLB pitcher for the New York Yankees and Baltimore Orioles, and afterwards I lost all respect for him. Who are some of your childhood heros you regret meeting. | So the story goes like this... I discovered my love of playing and watching baseball at a young age and I've alway like the New York Yankees. I've looked up to a lot of their players as role models but especially pitchers because I was a pitcher myself. Well Mike Mussina (again a All-star Yankee pitcher) was born in raised in Williamsport Pennsylvania which is about two hours from my hometown. My dad had caught wind of a baseball camp that was going on there and on the last day Mike Mussina was supposed to come and talk to the group of kids and go over some drills with us. So I sign up and go through 4 of the 5 days anxiously awaiting day number 5. When it finally arrived we went through our typical drills and routine. At the end of the day we all sit down and one of my heros finally shows up and you can only imagine my excitement. When he gets there he looks like he just rolled out of bed after a night of hard drinking. His hair was a mess and his clothes were disheveled to say the least. He finally goes up to the microphone in front of our group of about 100 kids and he basically spouts off some info about the camp (which we have already been through) and who he is. He then gives us the oppertunity to ask a few questions. Well he anwers about 3 of them and walks off stage. My dad knowing how excited I was gets me and we chase after him hoping to get an autograph. When we finally catch up to him he is walking towards the parking lot and is approched by a father and his son who is in a wheelchair. The father asks him for and autograph as he holds out a baseball and Mussina says "I don't do that shit", continues to walk to his car, then drives away. Me and my father lost all respect for him that day. Who are some of your childhood heros that you have met and wish you never did and why? | Met my idol at a youth baseball camp. He showed up hungover and refused to give a handicapped child an autograph. |
t3_2go7so | relationships | Me [28M] with the love of my life [26F] for 3 years, she's thinking about ending it because she doesn't feel like herself | So we've had an amazing relationship, we've traveled the world and we love each others family and friends.
I have had some communication problems, so every time when there were small thinks bugging me I just buried it down until about a half a year ago we were drunk. She said something that hurt my feelings and stupid me decided to lay on her all the small stuff I had buried down.
I was a true, major asshole.
Afterwards we talked about it, I was torn over what I had done and I promised her from there on I would always speak my mind.
I thought to myself, this is probably the point of no return, I've ruined my relationship.
Over the last year she has become more distant, started slowly but today we are more like friends then lovers. Not even very good friends because she doesn't seem comfortable around me, she doesn't smile, laugh, nothing. Until she is around other people then me. This is killing me.
I've told her couple of times but she says there is nothing wrong, I'm just "imagining" it.
Until last night, she spoke to me and said that she had been slowly turning her back on me, without realising it herself. She doesn't feel comfortable around me, she wants to be intimate but she doesn't let herself.
I have been aware of that and I've tried my best to turn things around.
But she doesn't let herself, she only backs further and further away.
She said, "What can I do to fix this?".
I have no idea how to response to that, I want her to try leave this behind and move on somehow.
This is probably the end to our relationship, she feels like there is nothing else we can do and I truly want her to be happy.
I don't have a legitimate question but some advise would be great. | Communication problems on my half made the love of my life back away from me, we might be able to fix it somehow. Some advise for a grown man, crying his eyes out would be strongly appreciated. |
t3_2zrvpg | dating_advice | Is it creepy? | I met this girl at the bar about two months ago, we only talked for a few minutes, she seemed pretty interested in me, but she was on her way out and I had just gotten there. I didn't get a chance to ask her number. About two weeks ago, we ran into each other at the gas station, she mentioned that she had seen me at the bar before, and after about 30 seconds, I realized who she was; once again, we didn't have much time to talk. Fast forward to last night; I met up with a couple of co-workers for beers after I left the office and there she was, talking to my friends from work.
We all hung out for a while, and I was looking for a chance to ask for her number, but since we were all in a group of 8 people, I never did. She was going to a different bar with her girlfriend I told her maybe I would see here there (by the way, that's the place where she works). When my friends and I showed up to the other place, we decided not to go in because it was packed.
Today, when I got home from work, I went on Facebook, etc, like I normally do; it then occurred to me that I could probably find her there. I didn't know her last name, and we have no friends in common, but I searched for her first name and the name of the bar where she works. Sure enough, after a couple of minutes I was able to find her.
For the past two hours or so, I have been debating whether to send her a message or to just wait until the next time I see her, which I figured is bound to happen. | I met a girl at a bar, twice; We kinda hit it off, but I never got her number, then I found her on FB. Should I send her a message, or is that too creepy? |
t3_18j7zm | AskReddit | Engaged or married Redditors, have you had any problems with your maternal family due to your engagement or marriage? | I'm currently having some pretty bad problems with my real mother. She is driving me crazy and I'm pretty close to just tellling her she won't be allowed at my wedding.
A little backstory, I'm 23 and met a wonderful girl at college. Over this last summer, I went to Florida with her family for a vacation and I proposed to her in Disney world by the Cinderella's castle's wishing well.
We took photos together and did some photos with her family as well. When we got back to MN we took some pictures for holiday cards for her side of the family to announce I was going to be a new member of the family.
My mother never saw any of these but she did voice concern over me getting engaged to this girl. She told me she didn't like her and that she wasn't worth my time and all that jazz. She complains about her constantly and once in a while spends the night at my house and whenever my fiance isn't in the room, my mother whispers at me all sorts of negative things about her. It's frustrating and I have told her to stop or I won't let her come over. She takes offense and one time stormed out proclaiming she is going to disown me just like I'm disowning her.
Well just today my mother must have been stalking my facebook because she saw the holiday card photo that my soon to be mother in law posted on facebook and tagged me in.
My mom messaged me and told me how she's not happy about it and I must be forgetting who my real family is. She then started yelling at me over facebook being beligerant telling me my last name isn't (Insert Fiance's last name here) and I should forget about them. and then she goes on the photo and starts posting nasty remarks about my soon to be family.
She's acting like a complete child and I don't know what to do. | My mom is being a complete butt to my Fiance, her family and me, and I don't know what to do. |
t3_139y5k | relationships | How long should I [20F] wait until contacting ex [26M]? | I was together with my ex-boyfriend for 8 months, and I had really strong feelings for him and could definitely see him as someone I would spend a lot of my life with. However, my already existent familial distress worsened until I could no longer fully dedicate to myself to our relationship and was left with almost no free time to see him - we started to see each other only once a week - so I broke up with him a couple of days ago with the thought that he deserved someone who was able and willing to give him more of her time and affection.
The thing is, I don't want him out of my life, I just knew that it wasn't fair of me to keep being his girlfriend when I couldn't do it well.
I really do still love him, quite a lot, but broke up with him with the belief that it was the right thing to do at the moment and maybe things could work out for us later on. I let him know that I still and always will value him, but I wanted to reach out to see how he was doing and what his position was regarding maintaining a friendship for the time being.
I understand that I shouldn't reach out to him right at this moment so I can give him time to grieve if he needs to and so it won't appear like I'm leading him on, but I was wondering if there was an appropriate time to wait before I did talk to him, or if I should try to forget about him altogether. | Broke up with ex because of my family troubles, still want to keep in contact with him but I'm not sure how long to wait/if I should even talk to him in the first place. |
t3_4rzjy9 | dating_advice | Flakes as she has no money but goes on night out with friends | Hey all
Just looking for a bit of advice really. Normally with flakes I don't reply and that's the last they'll hear from me but I've been dating this girl for about 4 months now. We see each other 1-2 times a week and have had sex and I've stayed over. Now we were supposed to meet up yesterday (Friday) and she cancelled a day before stating she had no money and wanted to save so wouldn't be able to see me. At the time I was like yeah cool.
Now I don't know if she's just plain stupid or has completely forgotten that we follow each other on Twitter but she's tweeting 4/5am about how fun a night out she's had in town drinking. Didn't text me back all night which makes sense now and then replies this morning with "sorry, I'm so awful at texting back....blah blah blah".
Should I let it slide and not mention it? We have a hotel booked for a trip away next weekend, is it wrong that I feel to cancel it. (she has flaked a few times in the past so it's not the first). Can't help but feel like I'm being mugged off but I do really like her. | Girl cancels on me as she has no money and wants to save. Yet goes on a night out the night we were supposed to with her friends spending money. |
t3_10o2cl | relationships | Found out my dad (50) is cheating on my mother (49) | I'm female, 24 years old, I don't live with my parents, but I've been visiting them for two weeks now.
I'm quite shaky right now, so please, bear with me.
My parents seem and weirdly enough are a great couple, still in love after 26 years, rarely argue, they enjoy each other's company etc.
I remember once when I was maybe 13 my dad saying something to the extent of "men will be men, it's in them to cheat".He has this old-fashion notion that a man can cheat on his wife because it wouldn't matter, it's just sex and that isn't as important as family, stability.
He isn't very good with technology, so he gave me his phone to fix something.I've always teased him for the fact that he never reads his messages, asking him if he just likes the little envelope on the screen.
Anyway, I take the phone and see some texts from a woman in which she says something like " my sweet love".My heart drops and I honestly can't look him in the eye.
I don't know what to do, I know that it is just a fling, I've always suspected my father wasn't 100% faithful because what he said when I was 13, that really stuck with me for a reason, but it's totally different when I have it confirmed, with a name and a telephone number.
Should I try to confront my dad or just ignore it ?
Any advice? | found out my dad is cheating on my mom, don't know if I should intervene in some way or just pretend like nothing happened. |
t3_2cu82j | relationships | I (23f) need advice on how to approach bf (22m) about his lie | My bf has this friend who is his age. He claims there was never anything outside of friendship between them. I recently found out that this was not true. We have been together for 1.5 years and he lied about it in the beginning.
About six months ago, she visited(she has moved away). I was supposed to go out with the two of them, but something came up and they had to reschedule. I was able to go with. Then something else came up and they ended up scheduling for when I was working. This upset me greatly. Why? Because I had heard her the day before tell him she "loves" him. She supposedly meant it as a friend, but I do not really believe that. Whatever, I love him and I trust him.
But now that I have discovered that there used to be feeling involved, I am feeling a bit upset. He lied to me. Yes, it was a small lie. But it was a lie nonetheless. He knows that I don't tolerate lying.
My question is on how to approach the topic. I found out in the wrong way. I found it online, meaning I invaded his privacy. I was wrong to do so and will have no problem admitting it. | Found out bf may have lied about past feelings for his friend. I'm uncomfortable and want him to tell me the truth. May refuse to move with him if he lies again about it. |
t3_3oocr3 | relationships | Me [27M] with my ex-girlfriend [20 F] of 3 months suddenly left with no explanation | I was dating this girl for 3 months but I met her last year. We started out as just friends with benefits until she said that she loved me. A few weeks after that she said she wanted to have kids with me and get married. We are from different countries and I went back home for 2 weeks in order to grab more belongings because I was moving to her country.
Everything was fine until the second I arrived home. She started acting different, like not texting as much or giving short replies. She said she "didn't feel the urge to share things" and felt we were "growing apart."
Then she finally said "I just don't see a future as in love related with us like I did at first"
What happened and what do I do!? | After 3 months girl falls wildly in love with me, out of the blue says she doesn't see a love future with me anymore. How do I proceed? Stay friends? Give up? |
t3_hw5of | AskReddit | Can someone give me an idea of what a BA program in Computer Science entails? I'm thinking of changing majors. | Hey everyone. College student here. Going into my junior year this fall. Live in SF. I'm currently a Photojournalism major.
My story: I've been having serious fears/regrets/thoughts about sticking it out as a Photojournalism major. Firstly, while I love journalism and photography, I'm realizing more and more daily that the job market for those two things (either separately, or together) is terrible. And secondly, I increasingly don't want to have a job that depends so much on freelancing--the sporadicalness and lack of consistence frightens me.
So because I'm a huge fan of technology, I love working with computers, and I've realized that the job market for tech-jobs is a lot safer, I've been giving a lot of thought to changing my major to Computer Science.
BUT I have no background in computer programming or computer science. I took computer classes in high school, but it never got anywhere further than basic HTML things, Adobe software and a little web design (all of this simple and pathetic, I know).
My questions are these:
-What is Computer Science exactly? Is it writing codes/programming basically or is it something else? (And I apologize if this comes off sounding like a really superficial analysis of computer science. I just really would like someone to explain it to me in a general sense)
-How much math is involved? Could someone with mediocre math skills (the highest grades I've had in math classes were B's) transition into the major smoothly?
-Is it recommended to just switch college paths so randomly and swiftly after two years of some other major classes (I've had a few journalism pre-reqs) but mostly GE classes? | I'm scared of majoring in journalism, want advice on computer science as a possible career path. I'd also love to hear some general college career/major advice. |
t3_4tn2s6 | personalfinance | HELOC Charge Off | Back in 2012 I moved my family out of a small condo and into a house. Our condo was under water and I tried to short sale. The credit union we had would not work with us until I stopped paying the mortgage and even after they refused all of the offers we had for the short sale. By December of 2012, they charged off my HELOC without notification. I ended up taking a loan and bringing my first current. I still own my house and my condo (rental) but I need to refinance and am afraid that since the delinquency is still there, and underwriting occurs via automation I won't qualify. My understand is that charge offs on helocs are coded as ...9 and foreclosure are ...8 so the computers assume "if 8 then 9".
I have offered the credit union a settlement on the heloc but they claim $2-$6 thousand on a 48k charge off was insufficient. | Do I have to wait 7 years to refinance my properties and what is a reasonable settlement on a 48K charge off 4 years in? |
t3_3vdzv4 | relationships | Me [19/F] with my close friends (~20,F) - I am starved for physical intimacy, but have always been terrified to initiate hugs or cuddling with friends. | I am terrified of rejection. Not from asking someone out- although I am apprehensive, it hasn't yet stopped me from asking anyone out.
I'm terrified of initiating hugs or any sort of platonic intimacy! I am a cuddlebug- with my friends, cuddling while watching a movie or just sitting close is one of the most reassuring things to me. But for some reason, I've always had difficulty admitting that I enjoy cuddling, or initiating contact. It scares me so much that they may not want to hug me, or that I'm making myself unwelcome.
I've always had problems with feeling lonely, and I've had a really awful semester. It would really help if I could just sit and hug a close friend, But I'm not sure how to do it.
It scares me to the point where I have to get drunk to hug people! It's awful. I don't know why it scares me so damn much to be rejected this way, but damn it, I really need a hug. | I need a hug, but I am too afraid of rejection to initiate platonic intimacy with friends that I logically KNOW would be ok with it. |
t3_1vtrs7 | relationships | Me [23 M] with my Ex [20F] 2 years, Literally the only person who makes me feel bad about my life. | Her and I broke up 1 year ago and have stayed good friends with intention of getting back together, But often she makes me feel so bad about my job/roommates/income. I don't think its her intention to do make me feel so bad. She just always asks why I don't strive for more. her and I have had very different lives. I left home at 15 and have taken care of myself since then completely. She is 20 and recently went to college (thats why we broke up). she's 1 semester away from getting her bachelors in business. she has achieved a lot for a 20 year old, but she hasn't had to take care of herself quite as much money wise. At times she has made me feel bad about being a server in bars and restaurants and not going for a better job or going to school. I obviously want better and want more out of life. how do I show/tell her how far I have come in my life? I have every intention of going to school and not doing this forever but she'll always bring it up and make me feel like trash. Again, I do not think this is her intention too make me feel so bad. I don't not wanna sound like an asshole... everyone else in my life thinks I'm doing great and is often asking advise or jealous of me. I do not wanna sound like an egotistical asshole, I just want you to see it from my point of view. She is the ONLY one who says things like this to me. | My ex makes me feel bad about my life and I don't know how to show her that it hurts my feeling and isn't helpful. |
t3_walqe | relationship_advice | [24/m] Do my 20/f girlfriend and I talk enough? | My girlfriend and I have been together for a little over a year, last month was our 1st year anniversary. I do feel a connection between the two of us, she tells me she loves me and I tell feel the same towards her the same. She is returning home from a trip back home, we both live in a college town away from home, and during her absence I've been thinking about our relationship and the future of it all, maybe I'm just over analyzing.
Other than asking each other about our days at school/work and the occasional bitch about annoying things in our life we never really talk about anything that deep, I see my friends and their significant other talk about all sorts of things and it makes me feel like my gf and I lack some sort of chemistry. You guys have any tips on helping me verbally connect with her and emotionally deepen this relationship?
My gf and I are both introverts, her more than me, she loves to read and be alone and just chill, I'm a big gamer and love to sink hours into my games, we'll do this together in the same room, but won't talk to each other too much, is that weird, a recipe for a disaster in the long run?
I am also contemplating talking about moving in with her, and though I feel the urge to talk to her about stuff, I get nervous thinking that she just won't be really into what I have to say. That's just dumb right? | I feel like I need to talk more with my girlfriend and need some advice on how to make that happen, unless I am just over analyzing, what does reddit think? |
t3_17bui3 | AskReddit | Which modern Musical Theater pieces would make interesting Jazz arrangements? | I am a graduate student working on my Master's in Jazz Composition/Arranging. I am also a pianist and vocalist with extensive experience as a Music Director in the Musical Theater community.
To fulfill my thesis requirement, all Master's students give a lecture/recital. My proposal is to examine and demonstrate the modern jazz compositional and arranging techniques needed to adapt contemporary Musical Theater songs into the jazz idiom.
So in short, I'm looking for a variety of modern Musical Theater songs (think 1970's and later) that would work well taken out of their original context and arranged for solo singer with rhythm section, or possibly larger ensemble. | I'm taking "Broadway" tunes and changing them into jazz for my graduate recital... what songs (and from what show) should I include? |
t3_24bwgc | relationships | Me 23/M with some questions: Unique situation | So, this is my story.
I'm 23, and I've always been the shy guy. Not painfully shy, but I don't talk much at all until I feel comfortable with you.
My issue is this.
I happen to be blind, and you wouldn't believe for ow many girls that's a deal breaker.
I tried online dating, but that was one big fail. I'm sure it was because I am blind. I'm sure girls were like "NEXT.!
So I guess my question is, would meeting girls in real life be easier?
I meet people all the time, just not girls that are interested in me, or girls that see my blindness as an issue.
I don't usually like to stay in the house, so I'm usually out doing something.
I just can't imagine that ALL girls will be this way, and that it's a deal breaker for them. | I'm blind, and it seams nearly impossible to get a date, or even become friends with a girl because being blind seams to be a deal breaker for most. |
t3_1v8c7i | relationships | Me [23 M] with my girlfriend [20] of 2 years. I need someone to tell me if this is normal behavior. | Background: My girlfriend was always obsessed with sex, but I want to wait until marriage (not for religious reasons). I'm fine with and have been fine with anything that isn't actual full blown sex. She pressured me a lot in the beginning and I finally broke one time a few months in. We had sex twice and the second time the condom broke.
The Problem: she used to masturbate all the time and she had a wonderful personality and was full of life and is/was genuinely the most amazing person I had/ have ever met. I never wanted her to stop. She stopped on her own and has been getting more and more depressed. She is not the same person. Whenever I get her off she is fine for 2-3 days but when I am unable to do it for her she refuses to do it herself and becomes a totally different person. This is hard on me because it is a long distance relationship, and it's beginning to feel like the only reason she wants me back is so I can get her off.
I asked her why she stopped and she says it is because of me. She even tried to break up with me because she thought I was gay. WHY IS IT SO WRONG TO WANT TO WAIT. | My girlfriend of 2 years claims that she cannot masturbate because of me and it is affecting her personality. What should I do about this? |
t3_nkre8 | relationships | Found pictures of my Girlfriend on her computer that are a little scandalous and I didn't take them. | I'm 28, she's 26. We've been dating for 8 months, the pics were taken in September.
They're from the point of view of her bed, she's wearing matching bra and panties, appears to have just gotten out of the shower and is posing next to her closet, also has on a garter belt get up with fishnets. They were taken all three in sequence and about 4 hours before she picked her kids up for the day. The point of view doesn't seem low enough for her to have taken them herself (with the self-timer on her phone) and they were taken about 20 seconds apart.
I feel like confronting her is going to go pretty badly. We had agreed that we were exclusive, we had been seeing each other for about 5 months when the pics were taken. She told me about a month ago when sexual partners came up that she hadn't had done anything with anyone else in the time that we've been together, this really makes me question that. How do I approach this? I'm rather sure she lied to me and had sex with someone else. I'm pretty sure I also know who it was, and I just checked they're no longer friends on facebook. But I think she still talks to him via text messages. I also think that she lied to me about having food poisoning that night so that I wouldn't come over to her house. I feel like a fool right now, I really love this girl and if my assumptions are right I can't stay with her. Should I bring it up to her? I haven't found anything of "other" acts since. I've played a little detective to figure some of this out. :/ | Found scandalous pics of my girlfriend that I didn't take they could have been self-timered but I'm highly unsure right now, should I confront her? |
t3_2ubeya | relationships | [URGENT] She [27F] isn't making time for me [25M], and I'm not sure how to talk to her about it | Long story short, she and I have been seeing each other for about four months. She's a very busy person generally, so the physical time we've spent together is comparatively sparse. In December, she had two big assignments that meant she didn't have time to see me at all (we hung out once). After the holiday break (she's a law student, I'm a med student), she had finals and then the weekend after she asked me to meet her parents. We went out to dinner and there was every indication that she'd told her parents about me as her boyfriend (or at least the guy she's dating).
I thought things were at a turning point but ever since then she's been blowing me off the last two weeks. The thing is, it's not just because she's busy with school; she's been going to parties and stuff, but whenever I ask if she wants to do something she says she might be busy and that she'll "keep me posted." She always acts as if she otherwise would hang out with me, but I asked her out for Friday early this week and she was going out of town before something came up and she had to get drinks with some coworkers.
I have to address this with her. I asked her to get coffee today and she said yes, which means I have a couple of hours to figure out how to bring up that I feel she's sending me mixed signals (talking about how we're dating but avoiding the actual dating part) and that it's not just school, since she's also prioritizing every other social aspect of her life over me.
BUT I don't want her to get defensive. I want it to be productive. How do I bring this up in a way that leads us to seeing each other more rather than something she takes as me wanting to end things with her? | We've been dating for a while. She's not making any time for me but also continuing to act interested. How do I talk to her about how I'm feeling hurt and unwanted without her getting defensive about it? |
t3_2zop8d | Pets | My cat has been holding her right paw up close to her, I think she's injured. Advice? | Hey /r/Pets!
My cat's been doing this thing where she pulls her paw up to her, whenever she sits. It's kind of hard to explain so I have a photo:
I walked up to her and lightly squeezed her joints/leg to see if she repsonded with pain and she didn't flinch or make a sound or anything. But then she walked off and limped quite a bit and stopped to shake the paw occasionally. Dad said he checked out her leg as well but she seemed to flinch when he touched/squeezed her paw. He thinks she might have a splinter or something.
He noticed her holding it up yesterday, I hadn't seen her limp until tonight as she's mostly been curling up in a box lid the past few days.
Anyone got any ideas? I could take her to the after hours animal hospital (it's 9pm friday where I am) or I could just wait til morning and have my parents take her to our normal vet while I'm at work. If she was any more visibly in pain I'd take her in a flash, but is seems to be mostly discomfort.
She had her F3 vaccine a couple day ago and is almost 3 years old, and an indoor cat except for walks on a lead, for reference. | cat has been avoiding putting pressure on right paw, think she might have hurt it somehow. hasn't made any pained sounds or responded much when i've touched her leg. should i be worried enough to take her to emergency? |
t3_1bfj4v | relationships | My [F17] girlfriend posting nudes on her blog [M18] | Looking for a little bit of advice. Last night I checked my girlfriend of 9 month's porn blog, it's always just been doujins and etc nothing too serious. But last night I checked it and she had been posting nudes and taking requests. Even some pictures she had sent me to earlier on in the relationship. Needless to say I was really hurt my this. There was never any communication about it whatsoever. I just found it.
So, I brought it up to her and she freaked out and told me she didn't want to talk about it and deleted the entire blog. like imminently when I said something. Overall she just made excuses for herself, along the lines of, "I was bored, and horny. And I hadn't taken my medicine so emotions were high." It just seemed like she was making excuses instead of owning up to it.
She said she wanted to talk later that night so I called and it was literally like 8 minutes of silence. I had assumed she wanted to talk about the situation but "I don't know what to say."
I'm really in a rut here. She's handling the situation in an incredibly childish manner. I have no clue how to advance on this situation. After the phone call I told her not to talk to me until she could maturely discuss it. | Girlfriend posts nudes and takes request talking vulgarly to people and deletes her blog upon me saying something and seemingly doesn't want to talk about it. |
t3_leou1 | AskReddit | I'm a male victim of sexual assault. Multiple people have said I shouldn't press charges against my attacker - how should I respond? | Story: A friend and I were drinking at a bar and walked home at closing time to his apartment around the block to crash. On the way we ran into an acquaintance from a group we'd both met about 2 months ago and asked him if he'd like to hang out. Shortly after we'd arrived, I passed out in the living room being both slightly weak after recovering from a bad cold and having drank too much. I normally sleep pretty heavily and only woke up because I could feel someone slapping/grabbing me in the face (I have multiple implants from reconstructive surgery - poking/slapping my face is a *really* bad way to make me angry). While I was coming to, I could feel that I was unknowingly half naked and being, well, taken advantage of by a much heavier guy (mutual aquaintance mentioned above) who was trying to kiss both my face and my... nether-regions. Feeling threatened and freaked out, I attacked the guy and was able to subdue him a lot easier than I expected (I practice two different martial arts) by nearly suffocating him with a forearm and striking him in the diaphragm. When he wasn't able to fight back I kicked him out down the street, woke my friend who was asleep in his bedroom, and went by myself to the police station down the street. The guy was arrested and charged with sexual battery and I was free to go after making statements and told I'd be called by detectives, etc. This was several days ago.
The problem is: I'm military, an officer at a fraternity at my school, and most importantly, applying to be a law enforcement officer in my city/state. I think I did the right thing but I've been told multiple times to drop the charges to save myself the stigma of being a victim and to sweep it under the rug for the sake of my future career(s). Everyone I trust says it'd be better to do that for myself than to try to press charges. | I'm a male victim of sexual assault and have been told I don't want to ruin my future military/law enforcement career by reporting it. What should I do? |
t3_2w15eh | relationships | I [20 F] learned my parents [50/45 M] and their best friend [50 M] have a long sexual history together | I have two dads. They have a mutual best friend named Zach, who my dad Vince has known since childhood.
Zach is very much a part of the family, and I call him Uncle. He's a fixture at holidays, birthday parties, get-togethers, or even just weekend dinner. Whatever I can't tell my parents, I tell him. He's never seemed interested in settling down, claiming we're "family enough" for him, nor have my parents ever expressed any worry over his bachelorhood.
Recently my parents celebrated their twenty-fifth anniversary with a huge party, where copious amounts of alcohol were consumed. My drunk aunt then confessed to me that Zach and my parents have been sleeping together since college, among other things.
I'm still barely registering this information. It puts a lot of innocent childhood memories, like how touchy-feely Zach is with my parents or even his relationship with me, in some weird context. I still love him dearly, obviously, and I think with some time I can accept his relationship with my parents, it's just the secrecy surrounding it kind of hurts my feelings a bit? I just want them all to be happy. I'm just trying to sort through my feelings, and if I should approach them about it, or keep it secret that I know. | My parents have a (healthy) sexual relationship with their best friend which I just found out about. Don't know what to do from here. |
t3_puj5r | AskReddit | What is this called? | I was listening to a podcast today by Bill Simmons, a sportswriter, and he and another writer, Chuck Klosterman, were talking about Linsanity. They started discussing why there was so much hype. The usual things were ran through - the Asian-American"ness", the Harvard east-coast liberal arts school relate-ability, and finally, Chuck Klosterman started talking about a story about John Lennon. The story goes that John Lennon was watching the results of the 1972 presidential election, and was shocked that Nixon won - so shocked, in fact, that he essentially raped a woman. Chuck Klosterman goes on to say this:
"But that scenario today can't even happen. There's nothing that wouldn't be understood, or accurately predicted... I'm sure that if Nate Silver were around with that kind technology, he would have got the electoral vote exactly, exactly right... And I wonder if people... If a part of us is secretly sad, that everything about our life now, can basically be told before it happens. And every time we see these situations, like Tebow and Lin, where it just makes no sense whatsoever, and everyone was wrong, it makes people happy." | what is the correct term for the joy that someone gets from an unprecedented occurrence, due to the fact that almost everything can be predicted beforehand in today's society? |
t3_30f084 | relationships | I (20/M) feel insecure about my relationship with my (20/F) girlfriend of 2 months due to her sexual past nagging me. | I've been with this girl for 2 months now and I really like her, we share the same interests we get along well and frankly I think we make a good couple but recently I found out about her sexual past and it's been nagging me, I asked her about her sexual past after two guys texted her asking for casual sex when I asked her she told me how she's been with a lot of guys before, I don't know the exact number (I've only been sexually involved one girl before her) and she said she didn't respect herself back then and that she's not proud of her past, I trust her and I don't think she'll cheat on me but the fact that she is so much more experienced than me and the fact that she would have casual sex on a constant basis with different guys bothers me a lot.
I'm falling for her but I don't know how to get past this, she is constantly telling me that she loves me and that she can't see her life without me that I am the one and that she wants to marry me one day but I feel like it's too soon for her to say those things and all she really wants to do is to settle down with me, I feel like it's not fair for me because I really haven't experienced as much as her and I don't really now If she is right for me. I'm confused maybe I'm just being selfish. What do you guys think? | My girlfriend has slept with many guys in the past and It bothers me she's also talking about marriage too soon. I like her a lot but I need some advice. |
t3_187140 | BreakUps | I [21/M] still can't get over her [21/F] after a month. | I've posted here before, [LINK](
It's been just a little over a month and I hurt so bad. I just don't know what to do here guys. She asked me on a date and i Fucked it up so bad by being so nervous. Then on a Saturday we hung out and watched TV, because we wanted to prove that I had changed and could act like a normal person. I was okay with this ans so was she, but then she started to get...very comfortable with me and we had sex. It wasn't awkward at all. I even stayed around after and we kept watching tv. We decided that we aren't gonna make any plans to hangout anymore. We had no contact for 3 days, then I texted her to just say hi and ask how she was doing...I may have also said that I missed her. She said she was doing good and missed me too, but that this is the best for now. I said that I agree and went about my day. The next night I went home because of the blizzard in the Boston area, the dean wanted to get as many kids off campus as they could cause they always loose power. well... my ex texted me while I was home asking If I went home and if I was okay and safe. I told her I was and she said good night and so did I. And OH^MY^GOD^! that made my day. I feel like we have a chance to get back together at some point, but I also know not to get my hopes up.
So, fellow people of subreddit /r/breakups, I ask you, just give me your best and most honest advice, not so much about how to convince her to get back together, but more just some comforting thoughts and honest thoughts about what I can do to make myself feel better. | I just want some more advice. I've posted here before and just want to get some fallow up advice. Thank You guys! **OH, and also I'd especially like a female's point of view and advice. :)** |
t3_31hc36 | relationships | I (22 F) think I'm falling for my boss (29 M). Need advice! | I've been at this new job for about 2 months and I honestly don't know what to do. It's hard because we are both of a similar age. I first entered into this job with no expectations. I thought it would just be a seasonal position to give me time to get my life together after graduating. While I still mostly see it that way I still do see room for possible advancement.
My boss and I first started out barely talking. Now its basically constant flirting (or at least I'm flirting). We talk so much every shift and its rarely about work stuff but about personal life. We constantly find our eyes wandering to meet and find a reason to be near each other if possible. All the high school mushing stuff when you first start flirting. He always asks when I'm scheduled and seems genuinely sad when we aren't working the same shift. He notices things like a slight hair cut or if I have a new piece of jewelry on that I haven't worn before.
Obviously this relationship is inappropriate. But is it? Need advice on if I'm overacting/hormone raging, or if I should continue flirting/make a move? Should I wait until I leave the company (if I decide to leave) | Constant flirting with my boss of a similar age. Is it wrong to fall for my boss in a position I might not stay in. Should I pursue in while still employed. |
t3_26e0nw | relationship_advice | I [20/M] probably irreparably fucked things up with this girl [19/F]; is there any way this is salvageable? | Hey everyone, I could use some advice (obviously), firstly on whether or not this is even worth pursuing, and if it is, how to do that. This is probably needlessly long, apologies in advance.
Background story:
I'm in college, we're having a party at my house. I'm in my friends room smoking with a bunch of people, an hour goes by, eventually there's a group of girls in there of which I only know one, and one of them is sitting next to me on the couch. We talk for a while, she asks me to show her how to smoke this, blah blah irrelevant details, we wind up making out for a while before she goes home. I friend her on FB, we chat for 3 days, she gives me her number because she "doesn't like FB". We meet up at Spring Fling so I can give her tickets to our afterparty, cue afterparty, I see her and say hi, dance with her group for a little while but don't do anything with her directly, later see her dancing with a dude and I get discouraged, turns out he was actually just a friend. I don't text her for 5 days, she hits me up out of the blue Wednesday night. We talk for a while, she stops responding in the morning, I initiate the next night, she responds. This happens throughout finals week, and Thursday night my friend convinces me to send her a text asking her to get coffee before we go back for summer. I then run into her downtown like 20 minutes later, say hey, dance next to her for a bit, she seems smiley and into it, but the longer I don't actually dance with her, the more she loses interest. By the end of Friday, she never responded to coffee, and 5 days without texting goes by. Now, the nail in the coffin:I texted her this Wednesday "Hey! How's home been?", no response. I'm pretty sure I'm dead in the water, any help from anyone? Blegh. | Made out with girl, texted her for a while, didn't have courage to dance with her when downtown, she stops texting me, I probably blew it, halp. |
t3_3mkbd8 | loseit | A suggestion for everyone, especially the lurkers... | So I had a mini meltdown this morning from stress, personal issues etc etc and all I wanted to do was grab the big box of cookies in my cupboard and stuff my face until I could eat no more.
Instead I came here, typed out a whole rant post out about how rubbish I was feeling, how I just wanted to eat and eat and eat and how I needed your help. But by the time I'd written it all out and read it back, I had imagined all of the positive responses and "don't give up you've come so far!" comments that you guys would have written for me :') which allowed me to take a step back and realise that I DON'T need to stuff my face with cookies, I HAVE come so far and it WOULD be futile to try and solve my problems through comfort eating.
You guys are such a great support system that you tackled my problem before I even needed to hit submit! I would strongly recommend for people to at least try getting it all out on paper (or screen) before they feel like they want to binge. I never expected writing everything out to be so effective in helping me deal with all of this, even if no one ended up reading it.
Man I love this sub and man I love you guys. | Before you're about to make an impulsive unhealthy decision, try writing out everything currently swirling round your mind. You might surprise yourself how much it could help :) |
t3_2bzy71 | personalfinance | What to do with $300,000 trust fund. | Background: 25(M) I am currently in the process of selling off my assets with the intention of moving to the Kenai Peninsula to live a more simple lifestyle. I figure to have ~$30,000 on hand that will be used to buy a piece of remote land with the rest going towards some type of living structure. I plan on homesteading with as many of my basic necessities coming from the land as possible. Certainly $30,000 is not enough to set up a self sustaining homestead but I will have available resources to ensure that I will never go without food. I will not be working any sort of job that will supply income. Assuming I live this type of lifestyle for the rest of my life...
Trust background: my trust fund currently has ~$300,000. It is written so I would need a trustee signature to access any funds for another 15 years. The trust is guaranteed an annual interest of 5% with any difference below that amount made up by the trustee.
What to do with the trust: I plan on living a lifestyle that would require money for food and shelter/heating only. Oh, and money for books. Lots and lots of books. Considering I will always have something to eat and a place to sleep I don't really have a care in the world. I believe the smart thing to do would be to leave the money where it is and let the interest compound itself year after year. Like stated previously, the trust is guaranteed an annual return of 5% and it has regularly outperformed that number(in fact it has failed to reach that number only twice in 22 years. The perks of having an investment banker for an uncle). With the lifestyle I plan to live, that 5% is more than enough to live off of with the rest staying in the trust. The only thing I would even consider pulling out a significant amount of money from the trust would be for property/land.
Would any of you put the trust into any other use or should I just keep the money where it is? | trust fund is guaranteed an annual interest of 5%. Would I be crazy not to leave the money exactly where it is? |
t3_16ud3b | relationship_advice | My (21f) boyfriend (23m) invited his friend to come on our overseas trip, but I don't want him to be there | Some background info-we're in a LDR and have lot of issues. We've been planning this trip for months down to buying our flights. We had a fight about the tickets and I told him we would talk in a few days because I was having doubts about our relationship and I needed alone time.
So a few days later I call him and we're working things out when he asks if I cancelled my plane ticket yet. I say no...why would I? To which he says oh well I invited C since I thought we were broken up so he's coming with us.
Now, I'm not sure I understand why he thought we broke up since I told him we would talk after I had space but I think that's my own fault. I don't hate C, in fact he's a pretty cool guy. However this trip was supposed to be the two of us. We hardly see each other as it is and it's happening before I spend 2 months abroad while he stays in the states, making our LDR even further/more difficult.
I'm pretty sure C has already bought his ticket...but I'm really unwilling to share this experience with him to the point where I don't want to go at all. I would rather save the money and just fly out when my program begins but I know if I tell my SO this his reaction is going to be...less than favorable I think.
I'm talking to him about it later tonight, I would appreciate some pointers as to not come across as a selfish bitch. I think it's ok for me to be a little put off by my SO inviting C but I think it's going to come of to my boyfriend as an ultimatum.
Thoughts/help? Thanks! | My LDR boyfriend mistakenly thought we broke up and so decided to invite his friend on what was supposed to be our trip overseas. I don't want the friend there but he's already bought his ticket. Help please. |
t3_20qiy9 | relationships | I (22F) am having a hard time figuring out if he (24M) is interested in me or not. | Throwaway because my ex BF knows my other account and tends to stalk me...
Hi Reddit :) All right, I have been hanging out with this guy for about two and a half weeks and am having a really hard time deciphering if he is actually interested in me. I have known him for about 9 months and he has always been very flirty with me. He would text me every once in a while and have random conversations, as well as ask to hang out. I never wanted to hang out previously because I was going through a weird stage with my ex BF. So, a couple weeks ago I finally asked HIM if he wanted to hang out, and we went to the bar and had a great time.
After that, he would text me to hang out and we ended up hanging out for like 4 nights in a row. In total the past two weeks I've stayed the night at his house probably 6 times. He is a homebody and doesn't like to leave his house very much. The last time we hung out was Thursday night to Friday afternoon.
We hardly text, which is fine with me because I don't think that it's necessary. If we do text, it's me who initiates it and it's probably only once a day for 3 or 4 texts. The past few times we've hung out it was me who initiated it as well. Whenever I go to his house he seems very into me-- holding my hand and always laying on me and kissing me, even in front of his roommates.
Last night we were supposed to go out with some of his friends. He got out of work at 9:30 so I waited for him to get a hold of me and he didn't, and then he texted me a couple hours later saying he just woke up and was too sleepy to go out. Whatever not heartbroken just a little pissed he didn't let me know sooner.
So I am just very confused and I have no idea if he's actually interested in me. Right now my plan is to not initiate any conversation with him and see what he does, but that seems like a game to me and we are too fucking old for that. Any advice you have to offer is much appreciated. | boy has been pretty wishy-washy and I'm not sure if I should try and continue this 'relationship' |
t3_r9uu7 | relationships | Really concerned after spending a week with my in-laws... My wife is becoming my mother-in-law... and I really can't stand the woman. | me: 45m, she: 41f, married 4 years (my 1st, her 2nd), no kids.... Her mother is not an outwardly mean person, she saves her meanness and ball busting for her husband...
I spent the last week in the back seat of an SUV, being driven around florida by my father in law, listening to her challenge everything he said, and every move he made in traffic. She did it with such delight and my wife laughed the whole time... she kept pointing at her saying "Just wait... this is gonna be me in 20 years" as if it was some kind of joke or something.
At one point, I said (in a light-hearted way) "I dont want this" and gestured at the two of them in the front seat, bickering away. That got a laugh from everyone.
My wife seems to pride herself on how she's becoming more like her mother. My problem is that I really can't stand her. I can't stand her attitude, I hate how she thinks she's the smartest person in the room. I hate how she talks about people with disdain all of the time. I hate how she raised her 3 kids without COOKING FOR THEM. I hate her table manners (she'll take a scrap of bread and wipe it around her husbands plate and then eat it), I hate how everything she needs to buy has to be bought with a coupon (these are people with money)
... I could go on.
I have felt lately as if I am at a turning point in my life where I might have made a giant mistake by getting married to this person in the first place.
I care about my wife and I love her... I just don't LOVE how she glorifies this woman *at all*. | Reddit - Do you think its possible for her (at the age of 40) to possibly **not** turn out to be a complete ball busting yenta like her mother?? |
t3_2twyjj | tifu | TIFU by seeing my brother's browser history | This TIFU was actually last month, but it's pretty obvious why it's not posted till now. My brother and I live about 200 miles apart, and about 6 months ago I had to have some pretty major surgery. My brother took a few days off work so he could come over, help me prepare for the operation and stay at my house and help with the kids while my wife was at the hospital with me.
So a few days before I go in I'm running round the house making sure we have everything to tide us over till I'm back on my feet. I need to grab some supplies, and needed to check an address - here is where the TIFU begins. I grab the first thing to hand, which is my brothers phone on the table. I open the browser, start typing, and IE suggests "www.xyzswingers.com" - I laugh, we've all clicked on a pop up before...then curiosity gets the better of me. I click. It is a wife swapping site, and the page is a couple living about 20 miles away. Well, I'm sure it's an ad, and his browser is shit, so I switch to the computer. And I can't help myself, I need to check. Over the next few minutes, it becomes clear: Yes, it is a wife swapping website. Yes, you do need to pay to register to get to the page I saw on my phone. Yes, my brother (and possibly his wife) are into swinging and are doing it when they come to visit our mom.
Put the phone down , step away.... | woke up in intensive care, couldn't look my bro in the eye cos I know he's into wife swapping. |
t3_547lmr | relationship_advice | I [18 M] don't know how to deal with my family anymore. | I'm 18 and living with my parents and younger brothers. Currently everyone is my house hates eachother including my parents and it gets me really depressed when things like this happened.
It started because of a fight me and my younger brother(In high school) had because I wouldn't fix his video games. I refused because of a fight we had the other day that made me reach a point where I don't want to talk to him anymore until he apologizes and sees what he did wrong. This led to him going on a rampage crying and screaming and of course my parents blame me. I'm always the one blamed even though I don't do anything wrong and I'm old enough to realize if I'm right or wrong in the situation which they don't understand at all and still continue to put the blame on me. My brother seriously needs help(therapy) and my parents think its completely normal for a high schooler to be acting like this over video games.
Now my parents are fighting and everyone is hostile and I'm in my room depressed and lost. I don't know what to do and honestly hate my whole family but deep down I know it shouldn't be like this and I want everyone to be happy and get along. Also my parents get mad at me for acting like the "parent" all the time but my parents don't do crap. I'm leaving for college next year and honestly don't want to come home ever again after I leave. I don't know what to do. | Whole family hostile against eachother and I'm depressed and want everyone to get along. I also want my parents to see my side of the situation and not blame me for everything. |
t3_2hxg59 | relationships | I [38 M] am unable to love girlfriend [41 F]because I'm still in love with my Ex [37 F]....or maybe not? | I've dated a girl for about 9 months now, and she has a lot of great qualities. And a few not so great ones. But overall, she's a really nice girl with minimal baggage and she's very good to me.
The problem is, I don't love her. She's told me she loves me several times and I can't bring myself to tell her back. So, I can't figure out if it's because I still love my ex-wife, or if this current girlfriend is simply not the one, and therefore she can't make me quit loving my ex-wife.
I'm sort of convinced that if I find the right one, then my feelings for my ex will go away and be replaced with love for this new girl. This is kind of a general thought, any opinions from the peanut gallery? | Can't figure out if I'm hung up on my ex and ruining my current relationship, or if my current relationship just isn't the one. |
t3_10t4fp | personalfinance | (UK) 21 year old student with no debt and a small income - what's the best course of action? | So I have one and a half years left of university and no student loans to pay back. I also have very few recurring bills (web hosting and a server I rent).
I make around £100 ($160) per week from my part-time job, although up until now I've always just spent the whole thing every week, which is something I want to change. I could probably live on less than half that if I actually tried. To /r/frugal!
I have £500 ($800) in savings, which could be considered an emergency fund.
I want to start planning for my future (as well as being less terrible with spending). Where should I start? I know little about personal finance and am keen to learn. I've read through the sidebar but a lot of it is about managing debt and larger sums of money than I have. | I have £500 ($800) in the bank and get £100 ($160) per week - what should I do? |
t3_2v0jz4 | relationships | I [18M] like this girl in my class project group [19F] how do I not mess this up? | I am in a group of 5 other guys and 1 girl for my english class. We chose our group the first day just because we were sitting near each other and this group is the only one we will have for the rest of the semester which leaves no room for error.
I have known of this girl for a while now. She was friends with a guy in my group of high school friends but I never really met her and she was in one of my other classes last semester though we never said a word to each other. Now that we have had time to talk to each other I honestly really like her. We seem to get along great and she seems to like to talk to me the most out of the group. Also if it is any worth this project is basically a giant research paper and we sometimes meet out of class to work on it.
When we first started the class project we all exchanged numbers and have a group text. I would really like to be actual friends with her or maybe more one day but I really have no idea on how to go about this without being weird or if it goes bad ruining our group and making it mega awkward the rest of the semester. I could text her but I think that would also be weird because we all exchanged numbers just for this project. Also I'm on good terms with the other guys and really don't think any of them like her either so I guess that is good.
Basically I feel like this is a very delicate situation and I really don't want to mess anything up. If she was just a random girl I met and had no other connection to (as in not a part of an important group for class) I would take plenty of chances but this is more difficult. | like a girl in my year long class project group but don't want to mess it up by trying to take it further as I will be stuck with the complications |
t3_s6gx8 | dating_advice | 27M reconnects with 26F 3 years after cheating on her. Should I be honest about what happend the first time around? | I've recently connected with an ex-girlfriend after 3 years of not speaking. I broke up with her for another girl who I was also seeing at the same time (and who was in love with and thought I was going to marry) and she found out after the fact and proceeded to curse my name and hate my guts.
About a month ago we saw each other while hanging out with mutual friends and hit it off again right away, since then we've been texting almost daily, some flirting and have hung out 5-6 times now. I'm still attracted to her and I'm pretty sure she's still attracted to me, but I don't quite know how to approach the situation.
First off I feel guilty about how I left things with her, I've grown up and feel awful about how I treated her the first time around. But she doesn't know the full story and I don't really know if I want to open that can of worms and bury myself deeper. Yes honesty is the best policy, but there's a lot of people who believe in the 'deny everything' mantra if you can get away with it.
Should I just suck it up and have that completely open discussion? Or should I forge ahead like everything is peachy and only talk about it if she brings it up? I feel like it's the elephant in the room and if we are to start dating again, I need to clear the air. Am I being too much of a girl about this? Should I just let sleeping dogs lie? Any advice is greatly appreciated. | cheated on girl, 3 years later we re-connect. do I tell her everything that happened? or just take things as they come and let her bring it up. |
t3_31soc6 | loseit | Really struggling with my motivation. Haven't made any progress in the last 6 months and not sure how to start again to lose the last 50lbs. | Started seriously trying to lose weight almost 2 years ago when I saw the pictures from my 21st birthday and realised I was significantly larger than all my friends and not just down to any leftover baby weight from when I had my son in 2011.
[Progress Pics](
I've lost around 70lbs since then although I have gained about 10lbs in the last 6 months. I've completely overhauled my diet and eat 100x healthier than I did before. Admittedly exercise has not been a big priority over the last 6 months due to my new job which has monopolised a lot of my time and energy. I'm studying for an economics degree, working 50-60 hours a week, have a 3 yo son and I'm currently learning how to drive.
I literally feel like I have not a lot if any time to dedicate to my health and fitness and it's really starting to get me down. I used to spend a lot of time preparing meals, counting calories and exercising so I know that this is crucial but I have no idea how I can incorporate this back into my now jampacked days. I'll be working from home 4 days a week from the end of may which may help things.
**Basically if any one has any tips on how to get motivation on losing weight back or juggling this around day to day life, it would be much appreciated! Apologies for the essay! | Intense schedule, diet and exercise has not been priority. Wanting to get back on track and start losing weight again. |
t3_3e46n2 | tifu | TIFU by recommending that my friend stop using a shock collar for her large breed 10 month old puppy. | My friend adopted a large breed dog they believe is either a German Shepherd or Busseron (sorry for chopped spelling if I spelled breed name wrong, I'm on mobile). He's 10 months old now and almost as big as my lady friend, who is petite and less than 120 pounds. After spending time at their house to assess the situation, I came to the conclusion the dog has been displaying normal puppy pack tendencies and teething. The dog, B, likes to wrap his fore arms around a person's waist and bite at their arms. This my friend is afraid of and has led her to say she is afraid of the B and that she needs to stop his aggressive tendencies. Her SO has spent time training B who knows how to sit on command now and when I was there, a stern No with a snap of the fingers and pointed finger telling him to sit, he immediately sat down. Overall, I felt my friend's fear of the dog is more the reason she has issues than the dog actually being aggressive. She said she felt so much better when she shocked the dog to get him to stop the aggressive tendencies. They used the shock collar 2 times now, and it's causing a huge debate in our friends circle. As a pet sitter with 6 years of personal work experience and many certifications, I gave the recommendation she should not be using the shock collar and to address her fear issues with the dog while using other training methods to help the dog learn proper behaviors including not jumping up on people as a form of play. I personally never feel it's a good idea to use shock collars and pain as it teaches the dogs to think of the collar as alpha instead of the handler among other negative psychological affects. Now my friend group is in an uproar and debating whether I'm a bad friend for not being supportive of her decision to use the shock collar or if she is properly training the dog. Either way it's a fail and the group of ladies and by extention all the SO's (it's a couples group with 5 couples) is split. To think, I hate drama. Lol | Friend adopted large breed dog, afraid of dog, got shock collar to train dog, I disagreed with shock collar for training, caused an uproar in my friends group leading to drama. |
t3_2daujv | relationship_advice | [18/m] just got home from a date with this girl (16/f) and want to know if I'm permanently friended | Hey r/relationships_advice, I just got home from a 'date' with this girl and I'm wondering if I still have a chance to pursue a relationship with her. Basically we attempted to go to the movies and we were both carded (I'd be able to get in but she can't unless she's 17). Regardless, we wandered around the mall instead and just talked. She invited me over to her house to chill so we did. She has to get up early tomorrow so she asked me to come over again tomorrow which I agreed to.
So I get home and message her that I had a good time tonight and she responds with,
"I had a good night too, I'm glad we went. Lol, even though it was a huge failure, I had a good time & I am glad that we are friends. :) good night!
So my question is if I'm basically "friend-zoned" for lack of a better term and if I should still pursue a relationship. | Girl and I had a date that went a bit off track but both had a good time. My question is if I can go further or if I'm at a dead end. |
t3_3iasu6 | relationships | Me [20 F] with my boyfriend [21 M] a year, had sex in an adult theater and feel weird (in a bad way) [NSFW] | My boyfriend and I were eating dinner and saw a suspicious looking theater. We looked up the name and found out that it was a sex theater and decided that maybe it would be a good idea to try it. Some background, we're quite vanilla when it comes to sex.
Anyways, we went to the theater and there was some retro porn playing and a lot of older men in the theater watching. There was a sectioned off "couples" area where we sat. Soon after, some of these guys starting doing laps around us expecting something. I was already feeling weird to begin with, but I asked my boyfriend if he wanted to do the dirty to gauge interest. While he didn't seem interested, he didn't sound disinterested either. I guess it was mixed signals? I didn't really have the guts to tell him that I was uncomfortable.
Either way, we did it. And it was okay in the beginning, but those people doing laps earlier started closing in and my boyfriend described it as literally "breathing down my neck." While we were walking out, both of us found out that neither of us really wanted to go through with this.
Post mortem, we realized that we should've communicated what we wanted better and be more direct. However, even after making those conclusions, he and I still both feel uneasy (I'm not too sure how to describe it), and am not sure how to make this feeling go away. He told me he feels like he violated me, but I don't think that is the case. What are the next steps? | We fucked in an adult theater and now feel uneasy after being watched even though we knew we had a miscommunication. What's next? |
t3_1k0iz3 | relationships | Girl (23/F) that I (24/M) like brought up her ex, how should I respond? | I have been talking to this girl a lot and I do have feelings for her. I think she is one of the coolest people I've ever met.
BUT she just brought up her ex (for the 1st time), who dumped her about 7 months ago, because he is now asking her to get back together again. She told me she was upset and annoyed by it, but she will "think about it."
Just from that, sounds like its bad news for me already...
At this point, I am unsure what to do. Should I?
**1)** Act on my impulse (my gut) action and tell her that I think her ex is foolish for dumping an awesome girl like her in the first place. -Is that too much? Too corny...?- (basically a subtle way of saying don't get back with him, but in the end, I want her to make that decision)
**or 2)** Hold back and don't voice my thoughts at all.
And should I even tell her that I like her? Is it too late?
Ah, sometimes these little things become huge problems in the human mind for some reason.. Thank you for reading this and thank you in advance for any comments/advice/etc. | Girl I'm interested in, says her ex, that dumped her, wants to get back with her. How should I respond, if at all? |
t3_4pva65 | relationships | My GF [18F] reconnected with a friend [18F] and hung out with her but didn't tell me guys would be there. | So my girlfriend and I always do everything together (8 month relationship) but recently she reconnected with a female friend and they went to hang out. My girlfriend then texted me saying that her female friend was having her boyfriend over and his male best friend who used to like my girlfriend. We got into a huge fight over this and once the dust settled she said that they're her friends even though she barely reconnected with them and said that she will hang out with them again. So I want to know if I should be worried. It's also worth to note I was one of my girlfriend's only friends before we started dating and all of her friends now are basically from me introducing them to her. | girlfriend dint have many friends besides me. Reconnects with old female friend and doesn't tell me til later that a guy who used to like her will be there as well. Should I be worried? |
t3_m7112 | AskReddit | Help me find my biological father, Reddit? | I've been thinking about this for the last 12 years, and I feel that I can't put it off anymore, because I'm leaving soon...
When I was 5, my father left my mom(Not like divorce leave, but like, 'Hey honey, going to work, see you when I get back' and never came back...) We were a low-class family at the time, and when he had left, my mom didn't have any money to support me, and we became homeless, but moved in with my grandparents...
As I've learned, my father, had left because he already had ANOTHER family, when he was still with my mom, and he has a 1-year old child at the time...
I'm coming to the land of Reddit, in hopes that you all can(possibly?) find my dad for me, with what information I have... | Dad's an asshole, cheated on my mom, left me at 5, and we became homeless for ~5 months... Help me find him, so I can deal with him? |
t3_1tov4o | relationships | Should I [22 M] be upset that my bf [25 M] didn't get me anything for Christmas? | We've basically been seeing each other since March (going on dates, seeing only each other, etc), but didn't call it a relationship until July.
On his birthday I got him a stuffed version of his favorite type of dog and a card; when I wasn't going to see him for several weeks in the summer I sent him a small package with snacks and a music CD had I burned; and for Christmas I gave him a gift and a card. I won't see him for about 3 weeks because we are spending the holidays with family.
He is always thankful when I given him a gift, but he's never thought to return the favor. I don't feel that anyone is obligated to give me a gift, but even a card would be nice. Am I over reacting? | I give my bf a gift and card for birthday/holidays, but he's never given me anything. I thought he might for Christmas, but no. |
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