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t3_2e8mfk | relationships | Promised myself [21/M] I wouldn't get into a LDR again, but here I am!... with [21/F]. Need advice. | At the end of May, I met a wonderful girl. We hit it off instantly and feelings were mutual; no games involved. We got really close, shared some of our deepest secrets, the words I love you came naturally, and basically I had never felt so strongly for someone so quickly.
Problem is, she goes to school 11 driving hours away. Her parents house and my parents house are right by each other, but unfortunately we go to school miles and miles apart. It is our senior year, and at first we didn't think it would make sense to be serious about this relationship when we started school (which is now), and just hope that we would meet up again after the school year. But, obviously, the more time we spent together, the closer we got, the more attached we got, and now we find ourselves in a long distance relationship.
I've done this once before, with only a 2 hour separation and it didn't work out for other reasons, so my view on LDR's isn't completely shot. But i didn't want to get into another one because I loved the freedom college provided and it is my senior year. However, this girl came along, and completely changed my mind. I am convinced that if we get through this LDR, I will marry her. She is everything I want and more.
I came here to seek advice from you wonderful redditors, hopefully who have experienced similar circumstances. If it was the beginning of my sophomore year things would be different, because I dont think I could do ~3 years of LDR. But 1 year doesn't seem so bad. I know it will suck at times, and communication is key, but what are some tips, tricks, advice, words of encouragement that would help me get through this with her? | I'm in a LDR with a girl I fell in love with over the summer, 1 year of college left, same hometown, just need to get through this year. Advice appreciated! |
t3_3k7215 | relationships | My [28/f] brother [26/m] won't be in my wedding and I have no idea why not | Using a throwaway because I'm really embarrassed about this for some reason.
My brother and I have been close for our entire adult lives, although we don't always talk often. I recently got engaged and have started wedding planning and asked my brother to be in the wedding. I was excited to ask him and was sure he'd say yes. But he hemmed and hawed and said, "Yeah, I guess I can make it..." which seemed weird, but I went with it.
Later on, he asked me some questions to clarify, and then a few days later texted that he couldn't be in the wedding. I cried and cried and tried to ask him why but he didn't really give me an answer (this was all text communication). He later said that he was going through some personal stuff, apologized, and told me he could be in the wedding. All was cool for about a month, then he called and briefly told me that he couldn't be in the wedding. I tried asking very calmly what the reason was, hoping we could work through it. He wouldn't say.
I'm so confused. I feel like I should know my own brother. He was recently in a friend's wedding, so I don't think he has anything against weddings in general. He is often in front of crowds. We live in different states, but I made it clear to him from the beginning that I would take care of travel expenses, clothing expenses, whatever, so that he could be here. He says he can come to the wedding but not be in it. He's met my fiancé a few times and really seems to like him.
What gives?? Does anyone have any ideas about why someone would do this? He has to know that this really hurts me and we have never had a history of hurting each other. We are able to talk about tough topics and he calls me when he has no one else he can talk to. I suspect this could be related to his depression somehow but... Why, just why? | My brother won't be in my wedding, but he can be in his friend's wedding. Why would he do this? |
t3_24zv1j | relationships | me [21/f] has a close friend who is [33/m] but he is most stubborn person ever, how do I get through to him? | My close friend and I got into an argument last week and every single time I tried to defend myself he cut me off and it got so bad to the point where I started crying, then he asked me what was wrong. I was too hurt to even bother talking to him because the past week I stayed up until 4am two nights in a row to talk to him about his problems. And here he was, not even trying to consider how I was feeling. Knowing him for so long, I know that he hates talking on the phone so after we got home that night; I decided to text him and told him how I felt and in turn, he didn't even bother to text back. So I was hurt and didn't want to see or talk to him the next two days.
The next few days I avoided him since I was hurt. he then decides to go to my other friends and ask them if I was "emoing". I told them to tell him to just ask me himself but he never did. They said that he seemed sad that I didn't talk to him but how am I supposed to deal with this if it's what he does all the time. Whenever he's mad he just ignores me and when I tell him what's wrong he has nothing to say about it and barely does anything.
Other than that he's always there for me when it doesn't have to do with me criticizing him. Problems with my ex, or friends, or any other issue that doesn't have to do with him, he's a great friend. But when it comes to something wrong that he did to me, he won't ever address it and i'm getting frustrated and i feel as though i'm stuck. it's funny how when it's me doing something wrong like trying to get my ex back, he can openly yell at me in front of my other friends but when he is doing something wrong and I try to tell him; he just rides it off and continues doing so. | stubborn, hypocritical friend who hates being criticized. he believes his personality is the best one out there. he's wrong but he insists he's right but otherwise he's a really good friend who is caring, etc. |
t3_248s9q | relationships | Me [22 F] with my good friend [22 F] of 4 years, want to uninvite her to a get-together | One of my friends, whom I really, truly love, has been getting on my nerves lately. She just moved closer to where I live so we've been hanging out frequently. She's generally a lot of fun and is someone that I'm fairly close with. But lately, when we make plans, I find myself not looking forward to hanging out with her.
We did get in a fight about 4 years ago now that caused us not to talk for a few months, and neither can remember what the specific fight was about, but I'm starting to feel similar to how I felt about her right before we stopped talking -- just kinda not wanting to hang out with her, general annoyance with her, etc.
The things that I find generally annoying is how she talks down to people, she's recently gotten in a fight with a couple other friends because of this, and I totally get why. She doesn't do that to me generally anymore (I feel like this has something to do with our fight from years ago) but hearing her speak like that to her mom or close friend is hard for me to deal with. She also says very passive-aggressive things, which I find annoying. She's hard to deal with when she's drunk, and (I realize that this is exactly what I'm doing so sorry) she complains about everything.
I feel like such a bitch complaining, because I know in an emergency, she would be there for me no matter what...and the same is true the other way. I just don't want to lose her friendship, because I love her, but I also don't know how to stop feeling this way.
Also, one of my best friends threw out a casual invite for something coming up that I wasn't going to include her in, but since they know each other through me, my best friend invited her. Anyway to maybe uninvite her (I feel absolutely terrible just typing that.)? | Good friend is annoying me. Want to save friendship -- but also uninvite her to an upcoming get-together. |
t3_39r0ga | tifu | TIFU-tried to tweet at my old best friend | so I recently got back in touch with one of my oldest best friends. I'll admit it, I've been stalking her for a while on twitter and it had taken me a while to work up the nerve to recontact her through her old phone number. We were supposed to meet up for coffee later that week (the first time we've seen each other in almost 5 years)
I was scrolling through my twitter when I saw this girl tweet: "So excited to see u.. Can't believe its been so long"
I automatically assumed it was about me, so I tweeted back to her: "Can't wait 2 see u 2! does ur house still have that peach tree near the front door?"
(Fun fact: I used to drive by her house on my way to work, so that's how I knew she had a peach tree near the front door)
She tweets back: "who the fuck are you"
For some reason I thought she was joking, so I jokingly tweeted back: "Ur stalker. i know everything about u"
She tweets back: "wait are you serious"
I should have shut up right then and there but for some reason I thought this was all some part of a funny game so I tweet back: "yes and im coming over right now" and i included a picture of that guy from SAW with the caption "want to play a game?"
It turns out that her first tweet was directed to her long-distance boyfriend, NOT me. And I had completely forgotten that she had no idea that I was on twitter, so she didn't know that it was me who was tweeting at her. Once I realize this, I immediately delete all my tweets out of embarrassment (ERASE THE EVIDENCE)
The next thing I know, she's tweeting to her 600 followers (including our mutual friends): "does anybody know who this is #creep" and she had tagged me in a screenshot of our twitter conversation.
So, I had to text her and tell her that her twitter stalker was just me, then come clean about the fact that I used to drive past her house everyday on my way to work. Of course, she gets even more freaked out by that and cancels our plans. | ruined a 5-year-long friendship with an old best friend by accidentally revealing on twitter that i used to stalk her house everyday |
t3_4r6693 | relationships | I [20f] miss my friend [19f] deeply. How do I get close with her again? | I used to be best friends with this girl since third grade. I met Angela because she had a shitty best friend at the time and asked her if she wanted to be best friends. She replied yes and the next day we were best friends. Angela and I were very close. We were best friends until 8th grade, until she and I decided to go to two different schools. The problem here was not because of the fact that we were too busy, but because I got involved with bad people. I started using drugs and pushed away friends and spiraled in depression. It was only until two years ago I started becoming a better person.
During that dark moment I did not make her my priority and ditched her all the time to do nothing. Soon, she became distant and started developing hobbies of her own and changed into a different person. We are in a situation where she is more into makeup/fitness/style where I am more of a foodie/gamer. We have tried to meet up a couple of times but we are so different it is difficult to make conversation and we just talk about the old times.
She has became a very beautiful young lady and I miss her terribly. I feel like crying because I feel like I treated her horribly by not telling her about what happened to me in the past and how shitty I treated her as a best friend. I am in a better place now emotionally thanks to the support of my family and boyfriend, but I wish I could be her friend again.
She recently texted me happy birthday and said she was going to message me as soon as she got out of class. I waited for her call all day and never received her call. Am I just thinking about the old times? I don't know. I just want to talk to her again. How do I resurrect this dead relationship? | Had a great friend until I started doing bad things in high school. We broke contact and became two different people. Still miss her terribly and feel shitty. I want to be her best friend again. |
t3_2g92cs | relationships | Me [25F] with my SO [30 M] 2 years, He lied about getting an engagement ring | I will keep this short because really I just want to get some perspective here. Partner of 2 years told me a year ago that he had already purchased an engagement ring. He spoke in details about the jeweler who made it, the city they live in, etc. We are best friends and were talking about marriage from the get-go. Neither of us have ever been so happy.
6 months ago I asked him about the ring, since he didn't propose or mention it during that timeframe. He admitted that he never actually purchased a ring. He didn't give a clear reason why...just talked about quality/coloring etc. For some reason I felt lied to and hurt. I can't imagine a situation that would call for someone to volunteer information like that if it wasn't true. He probably wouldn't even have told me if I didn't ask. While I'm in no rush to get married right this moment, I am upset by this situation and am wondering about our future. Any insight would be helpful. | SO lied about buying an engagement ring. Am I right to be upset? How can we best move forward? |
t3_3e6fas | relationships | I[18M] would love advice for my first ever date with my longtime crush [18F]. | I just asked out my crush of a few years, and she said yes. I'm very excited, but also more worried then ever. We have been good friends for over 3 years now, and I'd never thought that I would have the courage to as her out, so I'm really worried about screwing my opportunity up. I'm a decently shy guy, and even though I can hold a good conversation with her, I'm very paranoid about things going stale quickly.
We are both competitive and enjoy some friendly teasing and competition, and love a good laugh.
I'm wondering if anyone could give me some advice for some good activities to do on a first date, and some things to do /not to do. I have thought of taking her to an Improv Comedy show, and I am wondering if that would be a good idea for a first date. | I'm going on a my first ever date with a women I really don't want to fuck up with, and I am very nervous, please help ! |
t3_4u9dby | relationships | Me [21 M] with my GF [21 F] of 1.5 years, am suspecting she is cheating on me. | Me and my girlfriend have had rocky relationship in the past where I have become distant for a period where a lot changed in my life, but I came back and resumed the relationship, no worries. She has problems with sex from past experiences and it is affecting our relationship to where we dont have sex anymore and she will see her therapist in a few months when she can get in.
Now a lot is changing in her life, She moved out closer to her work and friends and was fine to me for a week of so but she all the sudden needed a lot of time to her self and has become really distant, cold, and rude but has acknowledged it. She spends nights out with her neighbor who is also her male co worker and supposedly just a friend, Someone whom she has had a short relationship in the past. She used to spend late at night doing art all the time but now has this guy follow around her to be safer. It made me uncomfortable but I trust her and we've talked a lot of sex and possibly an open relationship where I could satisfy my self but I was comfortable with it. Also if one of us cheated we couldn't stand for and think its the worst thing you can do to another.
Anyways talking has become difficult, and Im deeply suspicious and then I was at her apartment and found journal notes open on her floor saying, " I am in love with the wrong person," and "He ( mostly likely me) shouldn't trust me," notes confirming she is either hung up on both of us or already cheating.
We would be going on vacation in a week so I assume she is waiting for that but I can change the tickets and I would be miserable if this continued on vacation with my family. Im deeply distraught and just want this to not be happening but I also just dont want to deal with it. | GF became distant and started spending a lot of time with male coworker, found notes saying he might love this person and that " I shouldn't trust her". |
t3_1ajytk | relationships | I (17m) want to tell a girl (16f) how i feel about her, but things are complicated. | Ok so another advice thread... Here we go.
So at the beginning of the school year, i met this girl in my math class. Great girl, a little bit annoying at times, but shes super kind and all that junk. Fast forward to about two months ago. We have started talking a lot every day, and were texting now. All is well, and im not really having relationship thoughts with her at this time. Fast forward again to about 2 weeks ago. Now im thinking about her lots, and were always talking to eachother. But shes always texting another guy (who is in a relationship with another girl). Hopefully the story is still clear with everyone.
Now im thinking that ive got no chance, because she seems really interested in this guy. She now is telling me that this guy (lets call him X) is considering dumping his GF for her. She doesnt like that, and stops talking to him. At this time im thinking i might have a chance! But now, she is trying to hook me up with her best friend who i have no interest in. (Kind of a random action by her)
So now the story takes another twist. She texts me the other day telling me that she thinks one of my close friends is really attractive, and she wants me to bring it up around him. Now i feel my chances have hit rock bottom again.
Reddit, i need some serious help. She has became a really good friend of mine, but im worried saying anything to her will ruin our friendship. I mean, i really want to say something, but im just not sure. Any help?
*Im on my phone and in class, please try to ignore spelling/grammar.
Hopefully the story made sense to everyone and if you need clarification please comment. | I like this girl, but she is interested in a friends of mine, and at the same time trying to hook me up with a friend of hers. |
t3_2opyc3 | relationships | I [21M] have been dating my G[F]20 for over a year now, and are good, but not butterflies amazing. Are we normal, or settling? | Am I skeptical or settling?
She's 20F and really fantastic. We've been dating for over a year now. We get along really well on our own, and we hang out relatively well together in public, although I'm much more gregarious than she is. She's cute, amazing, and reliable. We communicate with and treat each other really well, and I feel like I could trust her and whoever else she becomes in the future.
Consequently, I'm starting to thinking about asking her to stick around, like, till death do us part. But I'm a little bit worried. There's another mutual 21[F]riend of ours (just friend :P) who's more outgoing, and consequently, our conversations together are really fun. Said friend is taken, and this won't be an issue to either of our relationships, but if I had to rate the two ladies, I'd say 21 is cuter D:
This is not the first or the last time I'll think another girl is cute, but I'm kinda nervous that I don't think my girlfriend is the cutest girl I know. It's not a butterflies situation or anything like that. She's just really sensical, I like her, and we treat each other very well. Is this a warning sign, and I have no business leading her on? Or am I just getting over the fireworks of a new relationship and getting used to a long term one? She (gf) is starting to grow even more dear to me and we spent an hour on the couch with her just napping on me, and I'm normally not even that cuddly. But I really liked it and it felt like something extra was right with the world. So it's definitely not like things are going bad with us.
I'm not particularly anxious to make a decision, I'm fine with giving things time and letting them take their course. But I don't wanna lead her if things aren't gonna work out.
What are your fine people's thoughts? | – She's cute, amazing, and reliable, but not the cutest girl I know. Are we getting over the honeymoon phase or am I settling/leading her on? |
t3_2j2sra | relationships | Me [18 M] with my ex-gf [18 F] of five months, breakup due to distance in college | We got together right before the summer between the end of senior year and college (perfect timing, I'm aware), and that summer was easily the sweetest, most saccharine, brightest, happiest part of my life. We decided to enter college attempting a LDR.
Things were fine at first, I wasn't far from home so I could return to see her on the weekends before she left for college, and in the time immediately following her departure, everything was still fine. But soon the workload piled on her and she involved herself heavily in extracurriculars, and found those things too stressful to maintain along with a long distance relationship, and that the romance has diminished as a result of that, so she (very, very recently) dumped me. She said she wanted to keep a "close friendship," and I told her that I don't think I can do that, that I think she's such a wonderful person, but because I do, I don't know if I can be anything but in love with her.
I love her with all my heart and want nothing but her back. I'm not totally sure what the goal of posting in here is; I guess I just want to know if there's anything I can do (or not do) so she'll come around. I honestly feel that there isn't anyone else who can give to her what I gave, do for her what I did; who loves her like I do. I've already heard the "you're so young, so much life left," "it'll get better with time,"and "you just need to move one" adages and pieces of "common wisdom," and I just can't put what we had behind me; what I guess I'm really asking is if it's possible to get her back, and if so, how to go about it. | Love my LDR ex-girlfriend with all my heart, she broke up with me due to mounting stressors and loss of romance in college, and I just want her back. How? |
t3_skykk | AskReddit | What should I do for college? | I'm a high school senior and I got into SFSU to get a bachelors of science in physics, but with the over crowded-ness of the school there may be a possibility it'll take 5 years and cost over 125,000 just to get my degree, something that my parents support but I feel absolutly guilty to put this burden on my family. On the other hand I could go to community college here but that would mean I would in no way give me any personal freedom (my parents are super oppressive, but we have had years of problems) and with the way the college's are treating JC transfers there is a chance I will not be able to get into UCI or Stanford like I was hoping. Also I could have a car (something I've always wanted and felt evny for others with one) and a job, but in San Fransisco I would be able to have niether really. Just want your input guys, it would be very appreciated and could possibly make or break my next chapter in my life, thanks guys! | go to 4 year and be poor and free of parents, or go to Community college and stay with the people I know but risk not geing able to transfer |
t3_2i9ima | relationships | My brother [22/m] brings home his gf every week when mom is not home. Should I tell mom? | My brother [22/m] brings home his gf [22/f]? over really late when mom leaves for work and she stays in his room and they have sex. She leaves at 6am before mom comes back from her night shift at work.
My mom has no idea this is happening.
Should I [24/f] tell my mom?
The thing is this is really disrespectful of him because he brings over a guest without telling my mom. Also, when I went out with my bf he was preventing me from leaving home and he acted like he was all chaste and the best son ever. I never had sex at my mom's place though because it is really disrespectful because they have sex when everyone is sleeping at home and we're a religious family. | Brother[22/m] brings gf [22/f] home late every week when mom leaves for work. gf leaves right before mom comes back from work. Should I tell mom? |
t3_473ly5 | dating_advice | Asking a co-worker for number/date. | I don't normally experience much anxiety over asking girls for their number for asking for dates in most social sitations. However, I'm willing to admit that I'm having a little difficulty with asking a female co-worker for her number.
A little context: I'm fairly new at this job (less than 2 months) and this girl has caught my eye. I chat with this girl whenever I have the opportunity, and she seems pretty receptive. A different co-worker had a birthday party at a bar close by, and the girl I'm interested in showed up. This was my first opportunity to talk with her outside of the office. We seem to have a lot of common interests, she even offered me a taste of her beer (without my asking), she would make certain physical contact during conversation (hands on back of shoulder, for example). I even brought up the idea that we should go skiiing sometime (were both avid skiiers/snowboarders), to which she responded positively. Only other signal is that at the end of the night she didn't make a point to hug me and say goodbye, though she was a willing recipient when I came in for the goodbye hug (lol). One last crucial bit, due to business needs I won't be working at her location for a few weeks and thus, no in-person opportunities to strike up more conversation.
To wrap this up, at the end of the night I failed to ask for her number. In retrospect, this was a perfect opportunity that I completely missed. I'm having trouble with this because, in most scenarios, if the girl rejects me I can just move on and forget about it, no harm done. But in this instance, I have to see her everyday (typically). Any tips about how I might handle this with some level of class and tact? | Interested in girl at office. Having trouble asking for number/date in a way that won't make things weird. |
t3_zs9bk | running | It's no ultramarathon but it's the furthest I've ever ran and I'm proud! | Had a few nights out on the town recently and I think an overriding feeling of guilt gripped me this morning when I got ready to go to work. I packed my shorts, my Mimimus T10s, tshirt and a pullover in my bag, bought a single ticket on the train forcing myself to run home (~9.5miles). I'm so glad I did it, I feel great (albeit shattered). Managed to cover 9.48miles in 1hour 14mins 11secs, which I think is pretty good going for an irregular runner, I enjoy running but admittedly I'm lazy and I prefer team sports to get my cardio fill. I also managed to PB my 10km time too!
[Think this link to my MapMyRun should work]( | Ran 9.5miles for the 1st time, took 1:14:11, PB'd my 10km time, not a regular runner. |
t3_2is575 | relationships | My(19F) boyfriend(21M) of 2 months says he doesn't trust me due to his past relationships. | My boyfriend, "Dan", and I have been dating for 2 months now. He is my first exclusive relationship, I am his third. Last night while we were watching TV I was texting a male friend from school about midterms and a class project and my manager about work. Dan started acting weird and asking questions about the boy I was texting, and complaining about me using my phone because it's rude. Later when I responded to a text he let out, "please don't cheat on me."
I was pretty shocked because being unfaithful to him is the last thing I would do, the dynamic of our relationship is very caring and giving. I reassured that I wouldn't hurt him like that. I said it was important to me that he trusts me and doesn't think I am the type of person who could betray someone they care about. He responded that he doesn't trust me, he doesn't trust anyone so I shouldn't take it personally, and I am guilty until proven innocent because girls he thought cared about him have cheated on him before. He said that he would always hate my guy friends but he wouldn't tell me about it if it upset me. I was very hurt by this reveal.
It was difficult for us to find common ground on our opinions of trust and friendships with the opposite sex. I have a lot of guy friends who I don't have romantic feelings for, although a few of them have made moves on me (which I always reject). I understand feeling jealous occasionally and I'm glad he is willing to talk to me, but I'm not going to give up my friends because he doesn't believe that I will be faithful to him (not that he asked me to do that, just said that me talking to boys makes him uncomfortable and he doesn't want me texting them when he's around). Eventually he said he would try to learn to trust me, but he doesn't know how. How can I support him with this? How can he build his trust in me? | My boyfriend's previous girlfriends cheated on him, and now he doesn't trust me to have male friends. How can he learn to trust again, and how can I support him? |
t3_fx1ts | relationship_advice | How do you deal with being the 'more in love' half of a couple? | I've been with my boyfriend for 7 months now (23F dating a 28M). This is the first time I've been in a relationship where I wasn't the one more in control, feelings-wise. In the beginning of the relationship, I decided to just let go and fall in love, and if I got my heart broken, so be it. But now, the more I love him, the more I understand what I have to lose, and it's tough to stay emotionally open. All I want is to be with him, but I'm still afraid one day he's going to wake up and just realize that he's bored of me or that I don't contribute anything to our relationship.
I know at least some of this is just negative self-talk; he loves me beyond any shadow of a doubt and says I am his favorite person in the world. He tells me things he's never told anyone else. I've met his family, we've talked about getting married someday, and we're adopting a cat in a few month. So why can't I stop wanting to close up or run away, emotionally speaking? I've talked to him about my concerns and he feels it, too, to an extent (he's also worried about getting hurt), and we've both had bad relationships in the past that caused trust issues.
I would be absolutely devastated to lose him, and I don't want to destroy the amazing relationship we have by worrying over it constantly. I'm sorry if this is all over the place, I just really needed to get it out and any advice offered would be appreciated. | My boyfriend loves me a lot, but I love him even more, and I can't stop being scared that I'm going to get hurt. How do I get past this and continue to be an emotionally open and supportive partner? |
t3_p3ucj | jobs | What are some tricks to stress being a "fast learner" without sounding like a putz? | I'm a recent college graduate with a shiny degree no one cares about.
As expected, my experience is pretty damn limited, at least compared to my competition.
I know I'm far from being alone in this boat, especially on this sub-reddit. I hear/read all the time about how, in covering our lack of experience, we should be very strongly stressing the idea we're fast learners - quick to pick up.
I honestly believe this actually applies to me, could even provide some good examples (but telling those stories would take a while), but where I'm really having trouble is in bringing this trait up to potential employers when I'm still only a piece of paper.
A resume bullet point or cover letter sentence declaring "I'm a fast learner" is clunky and stupid-looking. Well, at least to me.
So, the question is - how can I stress being a fast learner without having a stupidly blunt sentence/bullet? Is there a widely-known euphemism I've missed? Should I just try to imply it in some smaller discussion?
Help us out if you can! We are the future...hopefully. | how do I let folks know via my resume or CL I'm a quick learner without sounding like an obtuse space-filler or going way too in-depth? |
t3_2k2il0 | relationships | Me [17M] with my girlfriend [16F] 1 year, I love her, but I don't know why | So my girlfriend (we'll call her Katniss) and I met this time last year. She's smart, kind, sweet, the perfect girlfriend. I love her and she loves me.
But as with all relationships, friction happens. So Katniss has had chronic pain since she was little. Her mother has fibromyalgia, therefore we are certain that she has it too. In addition to pain, fibromyalgia can cause depression and anxiety, both of which she suffers from.
I'm always trying to do nice things for her, always thinking about her. I'm always trying to show my love, and not just tell her. But I also have a problem with sex, and let's just say that she has questioned whether she's just a booty-call or not. I take full responsibility for my actions and she always forgives me. But lately it's gotten a wee bit worse. She has been asking me why I love her. I state the usual reasons like "I love your sense of humour, how loving and kind you are.." etc. But that doesn't seem to be good enough for her. I suffer from depression and have problems identifying my emotions as it is, so when posed with this question it really baffled me. It was at that point that I realized, I don't really know _why_ I love her. I just know that I do.
inb4 shitstorm. We usually have a very healthy relationship. Never fight, we always get along. So this is all so sudden and I just don't know how to cope.
I don't really know what to do. I'm not sure if this is just her anxiety/depression acting up, if I need a therapist to figure out my feelings, or something else. | GF asks why I love her. Can't answer because I don't know why, I just know that I do. |
t3_1kg31t | relationships | My(20m) GF(21f) ended things after 4 years, but says there's still a chance. What to do? | **The Breakup**
My girlfriend decided to end it because things were getting serious and she decided she wasn't ready (moving in) and started to pull away. Me being my stupid self suffocated her to the point she lost interest in me, thus leading to the current result. She said she wants to stay friends and that if I had still loved her and wanted to make the effort to be on her pace, then I can prove that do her while we are on break.
**Need for Advice**
I love this woman and would do anything for her and want to make this work. I currently don't know how to go about this without ruining my chances of getting her back. I think the two mediums are:
1. I communicate with her on a bare minimum for her to see she misses me
2. I communicate with her the same amount to show I want to make the effort
I fear that 1. will result with her thinking that I don't want to make the effort and that I am done, and I think 2. will put me in the position where I am just friendzoning myself. I don't know how to go about this without it being awkward. If I do communicate/hang out with her the same, do I treat these things as dates (movies, bowling, hiking, etc) and pay for her way, or just let her cover herself?
I haven't been in this boat for 4 years and I don't know how to approach this situation. Any positive advice is appreciated. | GF got scared and pushed away, led to break with possible reunion. She wants to be treated as if both single and trying to woo her again. |
t3_hoo4i | AskReddit | Reddit, what can my school do about a remarkably bothersome flying ant infestation? | Over the past couple of weeks, the ground floor of my building in my school has been swarming with what seems to be flying ants. They fly around the hallways on that floor, get stuck in the lighting, and, worst of all, seem to collect and (usually) die in our water fountain.
The school supposedly hires an exterminator every so often, but their problem is that there's a grassy field (for sports) directly outside of the building. My understanding is that the insects would just come back if regular extermination was used. Also, perhaps another problem is that some students bring food onto the floor, which inevitably results in crumbs.
The problem is getting ridiculous, people have been complaining to me about it (I'm the incoming student government president). The school apparently has no idea what the hell to do, so do any of you know anything feasible and relatively cost-effective that could work here? We're in the eastern United States, other than that I'm going to stay mum on our specifics. | School has flying ants in water fountains. It's really annoying. They don't know what the hell to do. I'm the student government president. What can I encourage them to do? |
t3_wp7ge | AskReddit | My car's starter got taken out by an EMP. What's the strangest thing that's ever happened to you? | Some time ago back in high school, I was chilling with my friend in my car having a conversation about something I don't remember. The car was parked in a strip mall at night, in a parking space which faced directly to the sidewalk, Along that sidewalk, at least 20 feet to the left, was a utility pole. All of a sudden, a huge blue spark comes out of the transformer of on that poll, moves almost directly in front of my car, and flashes bright. I didn't think anything of it, and continued with my conversation. All of a sudden, it's time to go, so I stick the key in the ignition and start the car. The starter makes no noise. But what did happen is all the electronics in the car went FUCKIN NUTS. The alarm went off, the automatic locks stopped working, all the sensor lights went on, I don't think the windows worked right, and some other effects I can't remember. The electronics eventually calmed down (the alarm did, I can't remember what portion was fixed by the mechanic), the car never started and had to be towed, and the starter replaced. The funny thing is, this didn't happen to any of the cars next to me, nor was any of the electricity in any stores in the strip mall effected. Just my car. I can't think of the ridiculously low mathematically probability of this happening to anyone. | Bright blue flash comes out of transformer from a utility poll, starter dead, electronics on my car go nuts on startup. No other cars effected or stores attached to the grid effected. |
t3_1miys1 | relationships | Me[26M] dating [21-27F], expectations when seeing multiple people? | I came out of a longish relationship around the beginning of the year and turned to the world of internet dating (okcupid, r/r4r, etc.). I've dated a few folks in that time but nothing has stuck for very long. I should note that it typically takes anywhere from several days up to a week of occasional back-and-forth messaging before I will ask someone out for a date. Understandably this results in fewer actual dates but it seems to weed out the flakes and the gals looking for a free meal.
Recently I noticed that I was getting a bit of "target fixation" and would stop actively looking when I was talking to somebody. After playing tag with one gal for a couple months (which ultimately didn't work out) I have decided to try and curb this behavior. I have no obligation based on a few email, txt, or private message conversations or, heck, even after a couple dates. I'm not trying to play anybody and if things were to click or get serious I certainly would discontinue my efforts.
This seems to be causing me grief though, I have had more than one person get rather indignant when they asked if I was still looking or seeing other people. In one case this was before we'd even been on a single date, though we had been talking for a while.
What is the expectation here? | Scheduling dates with multiple people around the same time. What are the expectations here and how do I handle folks asking about "seeing other people" honestly, tactfully, and ideally with a minimum of fallout? |
t3_1k8uww | relationships | Should I (27M) be concerned that new girlfriend's (31F) best friends are her previous sexual partners? | I have a new girlfriend (31F) who has had a multitude of same-sex partners in her past. Some romantic; some strictly sexual. She is still *"friends"* with almost all, some even *"best friends."* She insists that it was just a phase (albeit 5+ years long including a serious long-term relationship) and it is not a big deal *because they are girls.*
Logically, I do not see the difference. Perhaps I'm too egalitarian(?), but what difference would gender play? If instead her best friends were male sexual partners I would feel as equally discomforted. Conversely, she admits that if I were best friends with my former sexual partners (women), she would be uncomfortable. But again she insists that because her friends are female it is not the same thing.
My hypothetical concern: In the event of a shared argument or disagreement, she may run to (the arms of) her "best friends," for consoling. She agrees that this may be true. She has a natural predisposition to being overly emotionally driven (override of logical/rational reasoning). She agrees that this is also true. Now, I've seen a lot of romantic comedies (perhaps not the best litmus test of reality), but my concern is her *"friends"* could easily take advantage of her vulnerability. Taking into full consideration their previous shared sexual intimacy: 1) it indicates a previous attraction/sexualized intent/motivation on their part (as well as hers). 2) They are not a neutral party 3) She's already had sex with them!
I understand this concern screams of my personal insecurities. I understand that it is not appropriate for me to ask her to stop speaking with her bestfriends. Nonetheless, is her justification sound? As she no longer self identifies as a lesbian I should not be concerned? | New Girlfriend (31F) is *best friends* with her former lesbian sexual partners, she tells me (27M) I should not be concerned because they are female. |
t3_24mrri | loseit | Is my weight loss goal realistic? | Hey everyone! So some info about me: I am a lady, 26 y/o, 4'11 and currently weight 142lbs. At my biggest about 18 months ago I weighed 168lbs. At my smallest about 6 years ago (ew, now I feel old) I weighted 123. This was after a very traumatic event and I hadn't eaten in about a week, but I stayed at 125 for a while thereafter. I am doing the Strong Curves program right now and IIFYM. My question is, I am hoping to eventually get down to 118lbs. Now, I was never this small even in high school. Even when I did track in high school. I am really hoping to keep my muscle in tact, but I do was to lose fat. Is 118 a realistic goal? I think it would be neat to have lost 50lbs altogether, and this would put me in the "normal" BMI range. Is this doable? Possible timeframe? Any and all advice is appreciated. Thanks!! | F/26/ 4'11/142lbs want to get down to 118lbs (-50lbs from highest weight, -5lbs from lowest weight) while maintaining muscle mass. Is this a reasonable goal? |
t3_53lmdv | relationships | Want [24F] some feedback about what I decided with ex [27M] after he ended relationship of almost 2 years | I'll try to keep it short.
I was with my ex for almost two years and he broke up with me one week ago after an argument. The argument itself was not something important really and it'd barely began when suddenly he ended things. Mind you, he's not the best person dealing with conflict. He immediately broke down crying saying he really loved me, how afraid he was of of he'd just said. We ended up kissing. I went to my place and we kept talking on facebook. He said he was not sure of what he'd just done.
The days after we kept having contact via facebook and in person. He would say he wanted some time to think about his decision but still flirted with me, talked to me like before and didn't told any of our mutual friends, even when he had the opportunity. It was just like being in a relationship but without the physical contact. He came to have lunch in my house a few days after and proceeded to lay down in my bed just like he used to and asked for cuddles. I was weak and obliged.
Two days ago and went again to his house to get some of my things and we ended up embracing, kissing and making love. He also told me the break-up was hard.
The same night, I decided to confront him and demanded a choice: either he admits he's confused and takes some time and space to start missing me and deciding if he wants to get back together or just says he doesn't want to be with me at all and we'd cut off all contact.
He confessed he loved me and was completely confused about breaking up and agreed that a bit of time and space would be nice to clear up his mind. I told him that he couldn't take forever.
I really love him. Our relationship had some communication issues but they are salvageable.
What do you think about this? How much time should I give him before I start to move on? | Gave confused ex boyfriend time to think about us. How much time is acceptable? Am I doing the right thing? |
t3_555wxd | relationships | Me [17 M] is apperently getting kicked out of the friend group [friends 17M] | Oh Boy. This was a long time coming, so I had sort of prepared for this. anyways, Ill start from the beginning, around 7th grade.
THE BEGINNING:
So my group of friends was formed around 7th grade, and we are in 12th now. Its around 8 friends. Everythings fine back then, but in 8th grade I make a really bad prank call, and the police call everyones house. Everyone is angry at me, but we get over it. This sort of pattern happens for freshmen and sophomore year in high school, where I make really stupid decisions, and everyone gets angry at me, but again, we all get over it because they know it was a mistake.
THE MIDDLE:
This is probably the shortest part. But In our Junior year I got sent to a remedial school, and everyone was dissappointed in me. Then while at that school, I get in big trouble with one of my friends' ex girlfriend, and with me continuously fucking up he gets pissed and tried to get everyone to block me on everything, but it falls through because my friends are loyal. From there on that friend has a bad taste in his mouth about me.
THE GRAND FINALE OF FRIENDSHIP:
Senior year now. That one friend has convinced about half of my "friends" to sort of stop inviting me to stuff. So the situation is now, the half that want me, is put in this really awkward position where they have to choose between hanging out with me all the time or the others. But in reality, i have no one else to blame but myself, because of all the stupid mistakes I make, and how rude i am to others. And its understandable for that half to not want to be associated with me because of it. Any help is appreciated. I have already spoken to the two people against me that ive hurt and apologized sincerely, and i'm trying to change up my attitude and not be a prick anymore. No one else to blame but myself though. | Friends dont wanna be friends with me because i'd rude to everyone else and puts them in a bad light. what do? |
t3_sd6eg | AskReddit | I come from a family full of Christians but recentlythe I've realized I can only accept Agnostic Atheism as truth. I'm not sure how to deal with this. Any advice? | Here's my story, maybe it sounds familiar. I've grown up in a christian family my whole life. Went to church every sunday, joined a "youth group", and was even an active worship leader, but now that I've been finished with college for a while and have finally had a chance to be true to myself without much pressure from my friends and family, I've been able to really ask myself the difficult questions...and be honest with myself about the answer. I have conviction in Agnostic Atheism, but the problem is that almost all my friends and family are christian and I am sure that most, if they knew about my newly realized position, would be either very hurt or upset about it. All I'm really looking for is for some advice on what I should do now. I've seriously considered keeping it a secret for the rest of my life. | i have been a christian all my life but recenly realized that Agnostic Atheism is the closest thing to the truth and i don't know how to deal with all my christian friends and family |
t3_4cg3kt | relationships | My SO [22m] is on the verge of getting his first big break in his career but I am scared of the strain it will put on the relationship with me [23F] | So my boyfriend has been doing professional wrestling since he was 14. Last night he got a phone call from I guess talent relations from NJPW (New Japan Pro Wrestling)
They told him they are interested in him and they have asked him to go to Japan for a try out and if he impresses them they will sign him to a contract.
For those of you who don't know NJPW is basically the WWE of japan. He is leaving next week for the try out and of course I am happy for him
But I am scared this could put a strain on our relationship, I don't know how long he is going to have to be in Japan for and how often I am going to be able to see him | My boyfriend is on the verge of getting his first big break in his career, but I am scared that it is going to put a strain on our relationship |
t3_1s1kdx | relationships | Single friend (33F) told me she's having an with a married mutual friend (33M). His wife (35F) is about to start IVF | I am close to all of them, but especially the wife, let's call her Sarah. Sarah and Ben have been married for two years. Sarah poached Ben from his long term partner three or so years ago and they moved intogether quickly and married not long after. He and Sarah seemed to be very happy and have now bought a house together.
Now yesterday, my friend Jane told me that her and Ben have been having what she called an 'emotional affair' for six years! (Throughout both of Ben's most recent relationships). Jane recently split up with her partner of ten years and is now living alone in a tiny studio. She is besotted with Ben and believes he loves her more than he does his wife. She said they have only slept together half a dozen times over the years, but email each other almost everyday. Earlier this year she flew to meet Ben met in a distant city when he was away for work. Jane told me the reason she left her last (open) relationship was because she had to deal with her feelings for Ben.
I am also close to Sarah. Sarah adores Ben and considers heself lucky to be married to him; admittedly, he is a charming and handsome man. Sarah has had trouble conceiving, she confided in me a few weeks ago that her and Ben are saving up for IVF treatment.
Reddit, my question is, do I tell Sarah that she's married to a lying sack of shit? I think that might be part of the reason Jane told me, she is just distraught and didn't seem to be coping well. | One friend is in love and having an affair with a married sack of shit, his wife is about to have expensive babies with him. WSID? |
t3_1z2fvy | relationships | I[f/20] am getting pessimistic about myself and my relationship with him[m/20] | We have been together for almost 4 years now. Of course, many bumps in the road as any young LTR would be.
Recently, his mom passed away. I've been there for him above and beyond and we are going to Arizona on spring break together with his brother. I'm hoping that will bring alot of nice things into our lives.
Of course, I know he will be changed forever. He will be weird. He will be sad one day and happy the next. But the other day, it got ridiculous.
He actually got really damn mad at me for not bringing him chicken nuggets from mcdonalds. He persistently nagged at me for it until he could tell he made me feel stupid and then backed off. And he has been this weird way for the past 3 days. I'm trying not to be selfish. Most of the time I just shrug it off knowing hes not himself lately. But, I mean, is that really necessary? After I work all day one day....then just had to spend 10 hours at school from very long labs and classes the next day...I want to go see my boyfriend and relax. Not have him yell "fucker" and "fuck off" at everything and get mad and an attitude.
I could never understand what he is going through. But at the same time, I don't know how to deal with it along side my own problems and insecurities. I take things he does personally alot now. I feel like there is alot lacking. Including just sweetness and romance. I feel like I'm just dealing with a grumpy man. | How do I deal with my grieving boyfriend? Keep in mind that I'm not trying to come off as this is about me. Just more that this is not a great well-being for anyone. |
t3_333zec | relationships | I [21 F] need to get out of a date with a friend [20/M] because I'm crazy about someone else [23/M] | Hey, I'm in somewhat of a pickle. I have met a guy, we'll call him X, that I'm crazy about. I have insane chemistry with X and I am very into him and he is seemingly very into me. However, this is a very recent development, so I was telling myself not to put all my eggs in one basket until he recently asked me to a wedding.
Another guy (Y) who I have a lot of mutual friends with, and I went to a function together when he needed a date. It turns out that now Y has feelings for me. I wasn't sure how I felt about him initially, but after hanging out in groups with him the past few weeks, I am certain that I don't feel the same way about him as he does for me. He's very possessive about me in public which I don't like when we aren't even dating. Also, I am graduating in a month and in a different place in life as he is. X is graduating at the same time as me, and likely has very similar plans as me, so I see more potential in that situation.
Anyway, Y asked me to dinner earlier in the week, which I postponed until tomorrow because I wanted to think about the situation.
I know that it isn't fair to Y to take me out to dinner when I'm very certain that I don't want to pursue anything with him. I don't want to lead him on, and I know the dinner would be miserable for me knowing how I already feel and worrying about the inevitable.
How should I tell Y that I don't want to pursue anything before anything even happens? I feel like I should tell him in person because he's a friend, but I don't exactly know how to word it without breaking his heart when I also am going to tell him I can't make it to dinner.
Help! | In a weird love triangle, but am interested in someone who is interested in me back. How do I tell the other guy I'm not interested without completely crushing him? |
t3_1s1xnr | relationships | Me [25 M] just broke up with my [26 F] for 4 1/2 years, semi-long distance relationship | I recently broke up with my girlfriend of 4 and a half years. She is my first and only girlfriend. And we have this sort of long distance relationship since I only get to see her on saturdays due to my work schedule. We started out really great. Me being cheesy and shit but i dont what happened.
For the past few months, it has gotten stale. I don't text her as much. We dont have anything new to talk about, just the usual "what did you have for lunch?" thing. And while I am away for work during weekdays, I am having fun with my friends and all and tends to forget about her but on weekends, we are just like before. Happy and without problems.
The thing we havent really discussed our future, like marriage or kids and I can't picture her there. And since our relationship is getting stale, I kinda have lost a little of my feelings for her. So i broke it off. She was devastated. And at first, I thought that was what I wanted but I feel such a jerk now and want to get back with her. Should I? or is this a normal phase? | I broke up with her because I thought we were going nowhere. Now i miss her so much. Should i get back with her?. |
t3_3d8rvq | relationships | I'm [24/M] single and have been for 4.5yrs. When do you know you're ready for a relationship? | I haven't been in a relationship for a while. My exgf and I dated for almost 2yrs and while we were on a break, she started dating someone else from her university. This stung me and has possibly effected me with trust issues with women.
I think I'm ready to start dating again but I don't know for sure. I got Tinder and another dating app just to see if I can get any fish in that big ocean out there and I get a lot more matches than expected. But my main concern and question is; When do you know you're ready for a serious relationship? How can you tell, exactly....
Thank you in advance to those who will take the time to respond. | Ex-gf may have given me issues with trusting other girls. Been single for over 4 years now, *When do you know you're ready for a serious relationship?* |
t3_1wntlp | relationships | I [22/F] am dating a [21M]. I don't know if he likes me or doesn't care. I wouldn't like to waste my time. | I am at a loss here.
You are not supposed to be changed by or to want to change the person you're with.
Also. I have been told that there's no such thing as love at first sight, and that you should give the other person or the relationship some time to know if it will be "the one".
But then there's this thing where you shouldn't keep people in your life that don't do you much good and where, if you look at a relationship in retrospect, you spent waaaaay too much time waiting.
Then, how do these things balance out?
I (22 yo) am dating (6 months) a guy (21 yo) for the first time since my ex (27 yo, 3 yr relationship) cheated on me with his best friend while we were living together (and denied it all along by telling me I was crazy and that it were my issues making me doubt him for no reason). That has left me in a very strange position, where I really don't know anymore whether to trust people and open myself up to others or not.
The thing is, when we are together he seems really nice. I mean, all the "signs" of him being sort of in love with me are there. But then, when we're not, it's completely different. He rarely has time for me and only meets me when he's made the plans. If I invite him somewhere he just says "Alright, we'll see later" and never gets back about it.
Sometimes it would appear he's really shy, since when we began dating he didn't take initiative for anything. And even now, i.e. I sent him a bikini pic the other day and he just commented on the pattern the fabric had.
I don't know if it's my insecurities showing off or he's somewhat shy, or simply he's not a keeper.
Sorry for making this so long, it's the first time I've been able to put it into words. | He looks and talks and acts nice but only when he decides to. Could he be shy? Or is it a waste of time? |
t3_36m2uh | relationships | Met a guy(20) today at my(F20) new college who I've seen several times before. How do I start talking to him? | He was my junior (I'm older than him by a year). We were both in the same college and I used to notice him every time he passed by and I think I've seen him look back at me a few times.
I took a gap year last year and decided to change my college since my previous college wasn't offering the course I wanted. And I ran into him there outside the office. We barely spoke and I don't know if he recognised me.
I am sort of shy around guys I'm interested in, pretty confident otherwise but for some reason I'd rather they talk to me first because I don't know how to start talking to them. He had a friend with him today so I started speaking to her instead of him but if she weren't there I would have probably struck up a conversation with him.
So my question is, when our term starts (we have 3 classes together) and he's probably going to be with two or three of his other friends, how do I start talking to him? I guess I just want to know a little more about him before deciding whether I should date him or not but I don't know how to go about it.
Plus I'm very sure that his friends will tease him if they catch the nervous wreck that I become trying to be friends with him. Should I just wait until that one day that I catch him all alone with none of my friends around? | Ran into a guy I've noticed before from my ex-college at my new college. How do I go about trying to get to know him better? |
t3_4zm32m | relationships | I (22M) got invited to my best friend's (23M) wedding. Would bringing my really close friend (23F) as my plus one be weird? | Ok so long time lurker (I love this sub). This is my first post though.
So my best friend from high school invited me to his wedding in about 2 months. Super happy for him, and we just went to celebrate his bachelor party. The invite came in the mail and left me a spot for a plus one. I broke up with my ex about a year ago, but my friend and I hadn't spoken in a while so he just got the update. I'm curious about whether bringing a close friend of mine from college would be a good idea or just make things awkward. She is super fun and gets along with everyone (and is super sappy around romance so I'm pretty sure she would have a fun time). But this is the first wedding where I have been invited myself, and I have no idea about the etiquette. Don't really wanna make a fool of myself or make things weird. So wise collective guru of r/relationships, what do you think? Any feedback would be great (as well as general wedding guest advice.). We live in America in case there are any regionally important details. LP Thanks :) | Got invited to a friend's wedding and am a wedding noob. Is bringing a close friend a good idea or not? |
t3_3hw78l | relationships | Me 21M, have no idea what I'm doing. Am I overthinking it all? | Hi Reddit.
As the topic states, I have no idea what the hell I'm doing. Recently, I've become really, really, really, unsure if I'm going on the right path in my life. Well, let's start from the beginning.
Grew up in a tight community (very small town with approximatly 5000-6000 people), with caring parents that would (and will) do everything for me. In elementary school I was quite popular. Well, I wasn't part of the most popular kids in school, but I guess you understand. Quite normal.
This was basically the life I was living until recently. At my age, people are starting to look into higher education. Some are moving from the small city "just because". Some are moving abroad. Which makes me thinking: "What the fuck am I still doing here?". I've started to drink more and more during the weekends (simply just because of boredom), because of of this problem.
I currently work within IT, having a great employment and great colleauges. My workplace is basically heaven for someone like me. However, based on my age, I have no degree from a university (or higher education). I havn't felt the need to study. All I need to do my work I'm learning by myself, and that have worked out quite well.
Also, if you're located in the nordics (Scandinavia/Vikingsland/Land of Ikea etc,), give me a pm. I'll be glad to travel around to meet fellow redditers! | I'm left alone in a small city, all friends have moved for education, have noone left to socialize with. Am I an idiot to stay? |
t3_244dfq | relationships | Me 26m with my 20f of a short 6 months. She got pregnant and we both wanted it. We got an abortion. | Dated this girl and things got pretty serious pretty quick. We foolishly had unprotected sex and surprise, she got pregnant. We both talked about keeping the kid and both decided against it. But then shortly afterwards I turned to drinking because I didn't know how to handle doing something like that. Turns out I wanted to keep the kid if only because abortions are wrong if the timing is right.
During the time I drank, I blacked out and a girl followed me home and we made out apparently and I don't remember a thing. Girlfriend found out. We split up. Whenever we talk I try to reconcile my feelings about the abortion and we both agree it was a mistake. Now she's mad that I drank, and now she's mad that I kissed a girl that was sober, and she's mad that we had an abortion. She says I love you and I know she means it. But she's not ready to get back together and I'm giving the proper amount of space.
My question is this: do I fight completely for her or do I run off? I'm good looking and never have trouble finding women. But sometimes I feel like a real, good connection is hard to find.
Oh yeah, I work with both of the girls. Pretty dumb of me. | Got a girl pregnant. We love each other. The decision to abort caused me to drink. Kissed girl blacked out. She's mad. Do I fight for it or do I walk away? |
t3_27ezhr | relationships | I'm (F/35) uncomfortable at SO (M/45) house after a break and reconciliation knowing he had women over | SO and I had been together for 9 months; in the beginning of May we broke up and had a 3 week break;and during that time went back and forth trying to resolve concerns that led to our split.
We have now reconciled; but I know during the time we weren't together he was pursuing a relationship with another woman and she was in his home. We have decided to move forward and disregard what occurred during thoses 3 weeks and work on our relationship.
I now feel overwhelming anxiety when staying overnight at his house. I'm uncomfortable knowing another woman was there in my absence. The bedroom is the worse; and I have currently asked not to stay there; retreating to the spare bedroom instead for overnight stays. I need to know how to move on and get over this. | boyfriend slept with someone at his house while we were split; now I don't like to sleep over knowing another woman was in his bed |
t3_1xwvbp | relationships | I[18M] fell for my best friend [18/F] and no clue what do. | I've always been enthralled for most of highschool, I guess. She probably knows it, too. We hangout a decent amount. Recently, though, it's become unbearable for me. I feel like I'm running out of time to do anything since college is rapidly approaching. I always try to forget her in a romantic light, but I really like her. I'm pretty sure I haven't built up her image in my head, I know her well. I've also been feeling really sad lately (like a month or two), which I'm sure is brought on by this. I wouldn't quite call it depression, since the clinical term doesn't seem to apply to me, but I dunno, maybe. I just don't know what to do. I'm really tired of being sad, but at the same time Im afraid to do anything. | I fell for my best friend, and I don't know what to do. It's bumming me out big time. |
t3_pxaw3 | offmychest | I've almost made it out of grad school alive, but now I give zero fucks about anything at all. | I'm not getting any work done. I have vastly fewer responsibilities than most of my classmates, but I'm barely keeping my GPA above the kicked-out-in-disgrace point. I'm not learning anything, just struggling through the assignments by cramming a bunch of knowledge and then forgetting it because I'm not interested. I'm scared of having to tell people that I am getting my master's because (imposter syndrome and inadequacy issues aside,) I genuinely feel like I am not cut out for this and I'm less knowledgeable than almost ALL of my classmates.
I feel like I'm fading. I don't have any hobbies anymore. I don't have any thoughts that aren't about schoolwork or how much I hate school. If I get a good chunk of free time I mostly lie in bed watching TV or reading books that I've read dozens of times before. When I try to think about my schoolwork I swear I've gotten stupider, because my whole head feels foggy and even basic problems take me a long time to reason through.
I am emotionally eating, and then emotionally neglecting the dishes until my sink is full of terrifying organisms and then finally cleaning it only because I have an assignment due in two hours and I need some way to procrastinate without feeling guilty.
Most of my lightbulbs are burned out. But to replace them I'd have to find something to stand on, and unscrew the fixtures too, and that just seems like a lot of effort.
I should call my best friend, whose wedding I am supposed to be helping to plan. But then I'll have to explain why I haven't called in so long, and I don't really have a good answer. So I don't call.
There are 76 days left until I am finished with school forever. I know I'm going to be happy when it's over. I have a great job lined up that I know won't be soul-crushing. So why can't I just suck it up and push through this last semester with gusto? | I pretty much hate my degree and I don't think I'm learning anything. Plus I'm completely apathetic about everything in my life, even though I'm almost through with school and that should make me insanely happy. |
t3_54c773 | relationships | I [18/M] need help in breaking up with my girlfriend [18/F] coming to visit before she gets here in 2 weeks | So me and my girlfriend of about 1 year and 5 months began dating at the end of our junior year of high school. I moved away that summer a couple hours away and we kept it going. We had our ups and downs but we stayed strong. Then we went off to college. I went to a college 9 hours away from her, which she did not like at all. But we have kept it going so far. However, I wanted to break up with her before I left. I have not been feeling it for her for a while. Its just not the same as it was when we began. She is very emotional and complains about her constant problems that seen insignificant to me, which ends up putting an emotional drain on me. She annoys me quite a bit with the complaints, but I am good at putting up a front to let her not know I am annoyed. She gets mad at me for the stupidest things, and that really irritates me. I just think we both could, me especially, benefit from some change. But she loves me a lot and I do not want to break her heart. It would destroy her. But I do not want this relationship anymore. Neither of us want the same things in life I have come to realize, but she has not. I am not a huge fan of her family. Now after typing this all out it is clearer than ever for me to see that I do not want this relationship.
Now here is where the problem lies. She is coming to see me in 2 weeks. She is booking the plane ticket and the hotel this week, and she is very very excited to come see me. So I need to break up with her ASAP. What should I do? Just straight up tell her that I don't want to do this anymore? What should she do about all the reservations she is planning? can she get a refund on a plane ticket? I know a hotel is no problem. I just do not know what to do. I know this is probably a really stupid problem, but I need help. Especially since her parents are booking most of it. | Girlfriend coming to visit. Don't want to date her anymore. She is already booking plane ticket and hotel. Need help with break up. |
t3_1utq85 | relationships | I(24M) feel like I'm cheating on my ex(22F) even though we're not together | A little back story. My ex-gf and I mutually broke up a couple months ago because we both wanted to focus our careers first before getting into anything serious. We were dating for about 2 years before we split. All in all, it was a pretty mutual breakup as we both shared the same sentiments, and felt like it was the necessary thing to do at that moment.
My biggest problem is that this is essentially the first mutual breakup I've had. My past two relationships have all ended badly (got cheated on), so basically I've cut all contact with them. However, this time my ex and I continue to talk every day because after 2 years together we pretty much know each other inside out, and hence conversation is easy and carefree. We've basically become best friends. To FURTHER add to the confusion, my ex and I slept together a couple weeks ago. We've sort of talked about it afterwards and agreed that we're not together, so we've kind of started on a FWB type thing.
A few months after the breakup, I've started to go out on dates again (nothing really serious). But I can't help but feel like I'm cheating on my ex-gf. Every time I'm about to go out, or about to make a move there's a little hesitation beforehand. I have no problem talking to girls or flirting or anything, but whenever I'm about to get involved with somebody I just tense up and have this huge sense of guilt start to take over.
Is this normal?? Am I just supposed to get over it or what. Should I stop going on dates? | Broke up. Still talk regularly. Feel like I'm cheating on ex every time I go on dates. Is this normal? If not, then what should I do? |
t3_3r20pd | tifu | TIFU by showing up to work on time | This isn't a huge fuck up, but it cost me an hour of sleep, which I could have used.
So, yesterday was the last day of daylight savings time here in America. I work the overnight shift and usually come in to work at midnight or 0200.
Tonight I was scheduled at 0100, and knowing that DST was ending and that time doesn't change until 0200, combined with the fact that I usually come in at midnight or 0200 (and that would be midnight after the time change) I assumed I should come in at 0100 before the time change. Turns out I was wrong and am now waiting in the parking lot for 40 more minutes until my boss shows up so I can get paid.
Bosses of reddit: if you have employees who work at night, don't schedule them to come into work between 0100 and 0200 the night daylight saving time ends. That hour happens twice those nights. | Showed up at work on time, ended up being an hour early. Missed out on my once annual chance for extra sleep. |
t3_298v14 | relationship_advice | Both of my(24f) parents (late 50s) are broke and declining fast. I do not want to help them. Looking for insight from anyone who has experienced something similar.. What will happen? (x-post r/relationships) | Long story short, my parents screwed up big time in life and now that I am in control of myself financially and otherwise, I do not want them to drag me down (they succeeded in doing this for the first 20 years of my life).
Both of them have serious medical issues (COPD, Hep C, etc.) and DO NOT take care of themselves at all. They are separated and do not live together. My mom barely makes it paycheck to paycheck and is being hounded by debt collectors. She asks me for money on a monthly basis and I am learning to stand my ground and not help her. My dad is on disability and works randomly but as far as I know does not have any savings to speak of.
When they get to a point where they can no longer take care of themselves, I do not want to help them. Specifically not financially. I am looking for people with any similar experience, What will happen? What can I expect? What will happen to them? I do not want them to end up homeless, but I really need to stand my ground. | What will happen to my broke parents when they can no longer take care of themselves and I refuse to help them? |
t3_sndqb | BreakUps | Broke up with GF after 2.5 years. Tough stuff. | Stuff had been rough since January. She started getting into very poor eating/exercising habits, similar to what she did years ago before she was diagnosed and treated for anorexia. Her and I had been working on it and trying to figure out how to make progress. That obviously sucked, but she also had been treating me like I was her dad. I was a 12 year old once, and she acted exactly how I acted towards my parents. Arguing about everything, having that snappy and rude attitude, never appreciating what anyone does, etc. She even complained about the dietician that was trying to help her. She was basically just making everything worse for herself. I had been telling her that I can't deal with all of that, considering I work and need to study everyday (I'm a physics major). Her family was full of devout Christians who would just say it was the devil. Her attitude and reluctance to change anything only got worse over time. So i broke up with her. I feel kind of shitty now. I can only think about the good times. We had a lot of fun, and an equal amount of stress. I'm basically looking for any help getting over her. | high maintenance girlfriend kept getting worse, had to break up with her. Now I feel bad and keep thinking of all the good times instead of the reality of the situation. Any help or advice? |
t3_1m6icn | relationships | Update I[29M] planning on breaking up with abusive girlfriend[32F] | Previous posting was
Ok so I am documenting what is going on. I have taken pictures, recorded phone calls and filmed some video. She has hacked onto my phone and erased the stuff but I emailed it to myself before she did that. So I still have it.
She threw something at me a couple days ago, hurt and left a mark. Still couldn't bring myself to calling the police on her. I still love her.
Yesterday it took me 2 hours to get home from work because I had errands I had to do. She called me and tracked my phone the whole time, but she was still angry it took 2 hours. Screamed at me and upset our child very much. I got it on video. :( broke my heart.
She left when I got home and didn't tell me where she was going. A girl and her kids down the street came over after a couple hours looking for her fiancée whom my girlfriend had picked up and went somewhere with.
I called my GF and asked where she was and when she was coming back, I told her the girl was looking for her fiancee. She said she was on her way back. The girl hung out while we waited and we talked (my girlfriends phone died). 2 hours later she left and I went to bed. A couple hours after that my GF came home.
Today she is very upset that the girl hung out with me for a couple hours.
Anyways, I want to get a lawyer and I am not sure how to go about doing it. I don't have very much money right now. | Abusive girlfriend still abusing me while I am getting ready to leave her. Just need to make sure I do whats best for my child. |
t3_s4oty | AskReddit | Car Insurance dilemma | So I was just told out of the blue that I am getting a 1993 Honda Accord, bought by my father. This will be my first car and my mom, who I reside with, does not want to put the car under her name. I do not know why she doesn't want to do it but I know I need to get insurance for the car. I do not get paid too much since I work at my school for less than 20 hours and I do not want to pay more than what I get. So all this being the case what can I do to get cheap insurance. I have never been in an accident or any tickets. | I just got a car from my dad, mom doesn't want to put car under her name for insurance. What can I do to get cheap insurance? |
t3_1yuqze | relationship_advice | I [20/f] am unsure of whether or not to break up with my [23/m] boyfriend of 6 years | My boyfriend and I met during my freshman year of high school, and we hit it off right away. We dated throughout my high school years, maintaining a long distance relationship for two years while he was at university, before I graduated and went to the same university. We are both looking to graduate from college this year, with each of use looking for difference post-grad programs. While there have been no big fights, I feel like perhaps this would be a good point to explore and try seeing other people, as both of us are each other's only SO. At 20 I have only seen this one man, and I would like the opportunity to date around and maybe be single for a while. At the same time, there's nothing particularly wrong with the relationship, but, I find myself feeling more like roommates than a romantic connection. He is a wonderful person, and I know a break up would devastate him. In addition, we share furniture, a dog, and our families and friends are entwined. I am unsure what to do. | We've been together 6 years, there are no big problems, but, I'd like to consider going separate ways. |
t3_2werhd | relationships | [19F] Is it Normal to Feel Jealous in a Relationship? | When I started dating my boyfriend [17M] , I'd feel very jealous about some of his female friends but I never tried controlling his social life or stopping him from hanging out with them. I expected that as time went on the jealousy would just fade away as I gain trust for him, but we've been together for more than a year now, and it just keeps getting worse. I've mentioned it to him a few times and he tries including me when they hang out sometimes, but I feel awkward around them and like I'm a third wheel when I'm the one who's dating him.
I don't know why I feel jealous, especially since I trust him and I know he'd never cheat on me. I just hate the fact that at certain times he is with another girl, when he could've been with me instead. I get into like rages of jealousy and I'll go into his social media accounts and read through messages and I know that's terrible but I just want to make sure that none of those girls tries flirting with him and that they realize that he's mine. His female friends have given me like dirty looks and just talk to me in a rude sarcastic way, and I don't like them at all. And I feel they do stuff like hugging him, on purpose to make me angry. How do I deal with these feelings? Is it normal to get jealous of other girls who spend time with him? I love him a lot. | I have had jealousy issues throughout out relationship and they have gotten progressively worse even though I expected it to get better as I have gained more trust for him. |
t3_2ki0w0 | relationships | Me [18M] and my girlfriend [18F] of two months are in a long distance relationship, she isn't replying to me and I don't know what I did or what TO do. | So my girlfriend and I are in a long distance relationship and yesterday she stopped replying to me on anything. I asked her if something was wrong and she said obviously. She has a lot of trust issues which is fair enough knowing her past. She said she felt like I was playing games with her because I was taking a little while to reply, like I was purposely doing it to make her feel betrayed or something, I was a little preoccupied at the time thus taking a while to write back. I replied to her giving my explanation of the long reply time and tried to reassure her that I'm on her side. Now she's not replying to me again.
I don't want to breakup with this girl and I feel like if we keep heading down this path thats where it's going to end. I just need her to be able to trust and talk to me. Help me guys. | Long distance Girlfriend wont reply to me and nothing I can do will get her to a point where she wants to talk things through. |
t3_r065l | dating_advice | Asked a friend out; got a non-answer. | First off, a little background info:
I'm 18 and she's 19, we have a couple classes together, we've been hanging out for the past few months, and I've had a crush on her the whole time. She was in a long distance relationship, but she just told me yesterday over diner that she just broke it off, he's still been texting her and he might be coming to visit her in the next couple weeks.
So last night when I drove her home, I told her a liked her, and that I was going to tell her this even before I knew that she broke up with her boyfriend, but that I was hesitant in telling her that because I didn't want to meddle with anyone's relationship. I then asked "do you want to go out?", to which she replied:**"I dont know..."**
She went on to say that she needed to get things sorted out with her boyfriend first. I stressed that I really enjoyed hanging out with her, and I hope what I said wasn't weird. She said it "wasn't weird at all" and that she liked hanging out to. We chatted a little more and then she went home, it was all very friendly.
So now I have know idea what to do... text her asking to meet up? give her some space? move on? quit overthinking? I would really appreciate some advice, thank you!!! | asked out a friend who is breaking up with her boyfriend, she answered with "i dont know." any advice would be appreciated, thanks! |
t3_2ounke | relationships | [24F] Will he be expecting anything when I invited him to my party? | I feel really silly asking this because I know I should just let things happen naturally. I'm just nervous and a bit clueless since I've never had sex before and I don't know exactly how inviting a guy you dated for a little bit goes...
I met this guy on OKCupid and we started seeing each other for 4 weeks. However, currently we stopped seeing each other and it's been a month now. I see that he changed his OKCupid bio to casual sex (it just said "new friends" and we never specified what we were looking for when we went on the dates) and not looking for any relationship at the moment.
In-between then and now, we would once in a while text or like/comment each other's Facebook posts but never initiated any type of date/hang out... until I texted him an invite to my birthday party. I was very surprised how he replied back right away and confirmed to going (I gave him a weeks notice).
We never had sex or anything remotely sexual... just made out for a little bit and cuddled. If it doesn't continue on into a relationship, I suppose I don't mind becoming just friends. He just faded from me, which is upsetting, and I wanted to see if we can continue where we left off. My question is... with him coming to my birthday party and texting him an invite rather than just Facebook inviting him, will he think we will hook up? Is he expecting we will? What do you think he is reading my invite as? | Haven't seen this guy in a month and invited him to my birthday party a week in advanced. Will he be coming to befriend me or to hook up with me? |
t3_3kwjl3 | relationships | My (23f) and my fiance (22m) of 5 yeara have an open relationship. Feeling guilty. | My fiance and I started dating when we were about 18. We lost our virginity to each other, and never had any sexual experiences with anyone else. We have openly talked about how we are both curious about having experiences with other people, and decided to have an open relationship so we can have the experiences that we feel like we are missing out on.
Now, I didn't want to just jump in head first, and we both agreed to start small. With like, sexting, sending pictures and stuff like that. To make sure we're both comfortable before we come home and say we just got done having sex with someone else.
I met this guy online that I've been talking to. Well call him Jacob. He's pretty nice, I haven't seen a good bright picture of him really but we've talked for a little while. I was super turned on the other night while talking to him and my fiance was on the computer playing a competitive game. So I had phone sex with Jacob, and got off while talking to him. It was a lot of fun, I actually really enjoyed it and got into it.
When I woke up the next morning I felt horribly guilty. Like I cheated on my fiance. I still felt awful today. This morning I talked to my fiance and told him what happened, and how I felt. He only asked if it was while he was in bed with me because he would have been annoyed if he was but I told him of course I wouldn't do that. He reassured me he wasn't mad, was glad I had a good time. He kept laughing at how bad I felt and telling me it was okay.
My fiance suggested that I post how I was feeling here to see if anyone could give some insight. I really enjoyed it in the moment and I want my fiance to be able to feel how good I did too. It's fun, and nice to know you're wanted by other people. And I know this is just a deeply rooted feeling I need to overcome. | Fiance and I agreed to have an open relationship. Had phone sex with someone and now I feel very guilty. Fiance told me to post here to get input on how I'm feeling. |
t3_4w91h7 | legaladvice | [PA] Woke up to city police in my dorm without having done anything and they had no probable cause | I was staying at a Pennsylvania university's dorm during a conference a few weeks ago. Another colleague's flight was delayed our last night there but she didn't have a place to stay, so I said she could stay on my couch. We entered the dorm building after midnight, and I scanned my card to open the gates to the elevator. The gates started beeping when we both went through, and the front desk receptionist called me over, scanned my card, and told us to walk through an open side door. We walked through, went up and thought we'd just go to sleep without any problems. Then at 7 in the morning, I woke up to four city (not the university) police already in my dorm, loudly yelling at me. Mind you, I had nothing illegal in my dorm or system, and they had absolutely no reason to believe so. They loudly accosted me, asking me questions like "who are you and why are you here?" (I was super groggy so I can't guarantee the specifics). They then made me get them my ID, and they wrote down my license plate number. After ten minutes of them yelling at me and me apologizing for some unknown crime, I figured out that I was supposed to register my colleague as a guest. She was then escorted out of the building by the police. She has absolutely no criminal record, nor do I. My question is, what gives? Why the hell were the CITY police called? We were staying at a private university. Was that even legal? Thank you for any insight you can give. I'm just confused. | Someone must have slandered Ada_Love for one morning, without having done anything wrong, she woke up with police in her bedroom. WHY??? |
t3_12uyag | relationship_advice | Gf (33) of 3 months, has annoying dog. Me (23) not coping with lack of sleep and being frustrated. | I'm not a huge fan of dogs. For starters, the way they smell really bothers me, I can't handle the constant need for attention and all the barking, growling etc.
This is an ALWAYS inside dog. He's always in the bedroom when we are or he sooks. My gf falls asleep easy but I struggle. Her dog can't sit still and is either scratching, chewing or scratching up the carpet keeping me awake. He jumps on the bed and and growls at me if I try to move him. Being a sensitive sleeper, I'm finding it hard to fall asleep.
The dog and I get along fine. He does like me. He just growls when I try to move him. He feels entitled to the bed and this really annoys me. | gfs dog is annoying and keeping me up. Sooks all night if not in the bedroom. Don't know how to ask her to do something about it/what to ask her to do. |
t3_31lokl | tifu | TIFU by pleasing myself... (NSFW) | This happened about 45 minutes ago. I'm still trying to figure put how to tell my fellow reddit people. I'm also on my cell so bare with me.
I should give a tiny bit of background before I start. I'm 18 years old and female. Now that we have that out of the way time for the fu.
I was feeling a little horny so I decided to do the only thing I could think of, pleasure myself. As I am it feels normal and I feel like I was going to "finish" but didn't so I just decided to stop. I laid on my bed for a second before getting up to pee like I usually do after. I turned on the light and looked down.... and I saw the most horrible thing. Blood. It was like a damn crime scene and it was EVERYWHERE. On my tan sheets and my white ones right under that. (Thank the holy mother nature fairy that it didn't get on my actual bed). I got up and took the sheets off and showered immediately. Will be washing the sheets in the morning right when I wake up.
Nothing like this has ever happened before and I am so embarrassed but oh well. At least I can post on reddit and no one will know. | masturbated, got my period unexpectedly, crime scene on my bed, showered and cleaned everything. Damn mother nature. |
t3_1olgfp | relationships | Me [23 M] with my girlfriend [24 F] of 1.5 years, We desperately need some kind of new hobby | Alright, I'm going to be frank, I'm bored all the time when we're together, because half the time, we're either eating a meal together, or watching a movie/TV.
We each have our own hobbies,
I like video games and I'm getting back into TaeKwonDo, and I am trying to keep a few plants alive in my apartment. She likes running, hiking, and spinning.
I tried introducing video games, and I feel like I did a bad job with that, because she hates them. She tried introducing running to me, and I couldn't stand it. So right now the only thing we really do together is get dinner and watch shows.
But now it's getting to the point where the frequency with which we watch TV is getting really annoying and boring, and I take to goofing off on my phone while I listen to a show, which bothers her. We've discussed it on and off for the last
Basically, I'm trying to find a couple of new hobbies, something we could do outside during the day (preferably other than hiking or geocaching, since we're planning on doing that) and something we could do at night or on a rainy day, or since it's coming up, the winter. | I'm looking for some new hobbies so I'm not bored when I meet up with my girlfriend, something outside during nice weather, and something inside for shitty weather/nights |
t3_2lkb45 | relationships | Me [21F] with my boyfriend [21 M] 4 years together, I asked him a serious question about marriage and he responded with "maybe". Need to vent as well... | Me and him have been together for four years and we have a child together. Right now I've been feeling like I'm ready to get married and I decided to ask him if he ever saw himself marrying me in the future. He said "maybe."
This pisses me off because in my opinion he should know whether or not he's actually willing to spend the rest of his life with me. And if he doesn't then he should tell me the truth.
Also to add I feel like I'm unhappy in this relationship and I feel like ending it. But I really don't want my daughter always asking me why their mommy and daddy aren't together anymore.
I feel like I'm stuck because we have a child together. But now when he answered my question, I feel like it's not even worth my time or effort to work on this relationship anymore. He doesn't try anymore to make a effort.
I swear to god he only acts really affectionate and seems like he cares about me is when he wants sex. Otherwise than that he'll rather play his video games or watch television all day. I hate being a like this and I told him that I felt like ending it a while back and he told me that our kid was going to stay with him until I found a place to live. He didn't bother trying to convince to not leave his ass.
So can anybody give me some advice on what should I do? Or am I overreacting? | asked my bf about if he saw himself marrying me in the future and he said maybe. I've been unhappy in this relationship for a few months and I'm thinking about breaking it off but I'm not sure. Need advice. |
t3_2ls33f | relationships | What should I do? 18F [Relationship] | I've been with my boyfriend for 5 months now. And I feel different from when we started seeing each other.
In the beginning I was happy, there were some things that bothered me, like he didn't talk much, got irritated easily and was short on text, but I didn't care because I was the opposite and I liked him.
Now I get angry at him all the time, for minor things that didn't bother me before, and even if he's happy and tries to cheer me up I just can't let it go. And he's changed too, for the better, he's much sweeter and makes me feel loved.
I'm really insecure so even though he makes me feel loved it's not enough, and I used to be all over him and sweet but now I don't want to and I don't know why. I have also become more immature since I met him, before I used to talk about problems in a calm way, now I just blow everything out of proportion and I don't know if it's my insecurity that's acting up because it feels like if I'm thinking "I'm not sure he wants me so if I'm a pain in the ass he'll dump me and I will be right"
And yesterday we got in an argument and I bit him... understandably he told me that he didn't want me anymore and to go home, but I told him I regretted it and after a while he said he still wanted me. But today everything is eating me up inside, I feel guilty and kind of scared of myself, in a previous relationship I was really manipulative and abusive and I thought I've learned from that and now this happens. I don't want to be that person.
I don't really know what advise I want, it feels good to vent, but I want to know what an outside perspective says. | I pick dumb fights with my boyfriend and I feel like I've changed since I met him, don't know what I should do. |
t3_12l5wr | relationships | Dear Reddit, am I to needy? | So I suposet that you will need a bit of background to make your judgment. My girlfriend and I are both 17 and have been together for almost 11 months. About 2 months ago, I graduated high school early and left to attend a University in Japan. We knew that the time zone would make things difficult, as she lives in America and her overbearing parents make things even more difficult as everything must be kept a secret from them. Because of these things, the only time that I get to talk to her each day is while she drives to and from school, which is about 40 minutes in total. Some nights she will call me after everyone has gone to sleep and talk while she dozes off, though that lasts about 20 minutes in total. Despite spending quite a bit of money and time fixing up a laptop for her to Skype, we almost never do. Not to mention the few Skype sessions have all been under 45 minutes. I used to chalk all of this anti-socialness up to her crazy parents and the fact that she is always extremely busy, but now she recently picked up a part time job after school for extra cash. Though the job only lasted two weeks, I was astounded that she could find both the time and the excuses to work that many hours, yet always has some excuse of why we can't talk or Skype. I send her pictures, you tubes and gifts all the time and nothing in reply. Many of you would probably assume that she has just given up on me or is cheating on me. Though I know thats most likely not the case because she has always been like this, even when I lived near her. I could go into further details but this post is becoming quite lengthy. So my question is Reddit, am I to needy or is her neglect justified? | In a long distance relationship where SO only wants to talk for 1 hour a day and we never Skype. Am I to needy? |
t3_cuhud | AskReddit | Is it unethical to turn down a job you've already accepted? Details inside... | Hey Reddit,
I'm in a bit of a bind here. I was out of work for 6-7 months and all of a sudden I got several job interviews, three I really wanted, and all three turned into offers. The thing is, I accepted the first offer that came along to make sure I had something, then I got two interviews for other jobs which pay more.
I had every intention of starting the job and settling into it. Its more of an admin/clerical role with the national dental board of Canada, its a small office environment which I like and its full-time permanent. Starting pay is about $28,000 per year. The first day of work is August 16th.
Today, I got a call back from a government job that I interviewed for yesterday, I wanted to go and just see how it would go as I wanted to try my luck at getting into the government. Its a content management/ Search Engine Marketing/ Web analytics position. It pays about $18 per hour on an eight month contract starting the end of August. It's not my dream job, but it will set me up with some government experience and I'll be getting paid weekly. I told the interviewer who will also be my boss that I am hoping to start a Master's in human computer interaction in the fall, and she said she will definitely help me put what I am learning to use at work. Especially the information architecture aspect of the program.
The government job is not necessarily long term, but I feel like it will open up doors and give me a good foundation. Since graduating, I have had work experience both as a web developer and in customer service roles, my BA is in Psychology. | Should turn down a job that would be in my best interest over one that I already accepted? Would it be unethical to say no after saying yes? |
t3_23mkoi | relationship_advice | [30/f] in need of some advice regarding [29/m] who I only know online | Hello my fellow redditors,
I have been in a relationship for almost a decade. At around the same time I met this guy online who lives in another country and who is currently without employment, therefore making it impossible for him to meet me. He has had a very difficult relationship history and suffers from SEVERE self-esteem issues on top of that.
Despite my best efforts to just go on with my relationship, I remain completely smitten with the guy online. I have tried to forget about him but I think about him in a sexual way and/or am just wondering what he is doing constantly.
We have both tried to stop talking to each other online and to get on with our lives but one of us usually keeps coming back after a few days or a few weeks max. We chat almost every evening after my work for 1-3 hrs. We are very close confidants to each other and there is a lot of mutual affection and care.
I am so infatuated with the guy I have been unable to have sex with my boyfriend in a long time.
The problem is the guy I know online does not want to meet unless I visit him, but I suspect he does not want to see me at all. It makes no sense because we have spent hours on end getting to know each other over the last decade and we frequently video-chat etc and are definitely flirtatious with each other and I know we BOTH fancy each other.
He tells me he has never been able to maintain a relationship for long and that this means we are incompatible so far but he treats me like his girlfriend, wanting to speak to me regularly and displaying jealousy etc.
Any advice? I thought it would be most sensible to move on but it is so hard to get him out of my head when he is all over me in chat being flirtatious etc. | Need to get online guy out of my head as he does not want a relationship but it's difficult as I am 100% sure he is still very into me |
t3_qyfw2 | AskReddit | Have you ever saved someone's life during everyday life? | One winter when I was in 7th grade my friend and I were taking our time walking to school through some small woods. There was a lake nearby with a stream feeding it.
We decided to go walk around on the ice for fun since we had some time to kill. Going out on the ice was all fun and dandy, but while I was busy farting around my friend had wandered off towards the still liquid area of the lake surrounding where the stream enters the water.
I yelled to be careful, etc, but he wasn't too bright and boom falls straight through the ice.
So now he's yelling for help, he's been fully submerged, but thankfully he was able to grab ahold of the edge and get his elbows up. He's freaking out for me to help him , but I knew that if I got to close I'd fall in too.
There weren't any big branches near by, but I grew up in AK so I was relatively experienced around ice (he was from Texas) so I laid flat and slid slowly out towards him. At first I tried to reach him with my hand, but I remember being worried about getting pulled in also so I then swung my empty backpack at him and he was able to grab ahold of it. I guess my body weight and his adrenaline were enough for him to pull himself out.
We then rushed back to my house to get him changed.
I've been a lifeguard for many years, so I often have to save people, but this is by far the most real like (and untrained) life saving event that's ever occurred to me. | We were 7th graders in the winter. My friend fell through thin ice and I was able to save him. |
t3_oxfih | AskReddit | Reddit, how do you deal with ghetto in College Lecture? | I have never had this problem before. I usually have had classes where the class had a general respect for the college professor. Unfortunately during high school I was placed in a beta distance learning program (because of lack of funding, they stuck us in these programs by the droves in order to hire less math teachers) which unfortunately led me up to this situation where I am placed in a remedial college math course that is filled with lazies, disrespectful black divas, and a busy bodies. Out in the "street" *which is probably just a corner / block that you hung out in* you either just avoided these skeezas n triks or "took care" of them if they threatened you. Here, I am placed in a neutral environment which disables me from acting out on these annoyances.
I was just wondering if anyone knew how to creatively deal with this? Which whom interrupt lecture with phones which are not silenced or answering in the middle of class, do not listen and ask unnecessary questions which have been already been addressed, or yell out random things such as: "Whatchu Teaching mista?! Dis ain't in da book id it?" or "Shiet, i'm outta dis bitch. I. Got to. Go. To work yall! *in the middle of the two hour lecture*" Perhaps this one, specifically, works at a strip club / cabaret? I'm unsure, the weave is so cheap, you can barely tell she even works. Has anyone ever seen orange and red hair on a black woman with nails the size of claws? Part of me wants to challenge her in a super saiyan fight.
I am from the same places these people are from. And somehow I am able to act differently even after years of exposure to another life. What am I missing here? | low income student put in remedial math class annoyed by disrespectful behavior of classmates and wonders what can be done about it.* |
t3_171lyp | relationships | I (21m) like my bestfriend(21f), what do i do? | I've known her for 6 years now and had always seen her as a friend. 9 months ago we went to Cancun together with a group of friends and things changed after that. I start to think of her differently, in romantic ways of course, and i am positive she feels the same.
However, i never made a move because the same old "what if it does not work out and we can't be friend" mindset kicked in. I was treating her the same but feeling differently after we got back Cancun and that worked because we both were not seeing anyone, so it did not occur to me that things might change.
Just 2 weeks ago she started seeing a guy who is 27 years old, and it really bothers me. I started to ignore her texts and calls or just answer in minimum. That made me feel childish so eventually i decided that i should man up and tell her how i feel. Yesterday we finally went to dinner with another friend (i was going to tell her when i take her back to her house). They started talking about the guy she is seeing such as they made out and he was a nice guy. Sittig there listening to this killed me, and i believe my face reflected how i felt inside. I just dropped them off right away after dinner and did not bother to talk to her. | i like my best friend but was couldn't man up and tell her, now she is seeing a guy, any advice? |
t3_1ttzrr | relationships | Redditors, have you ever heard of the app "LuLu" ? I (22F) just learned about it from a semi-ex (26M) and am having all sorts of negative feelings | Hey- so those of you who don't know what it is, it's like this social media platform for girls only, where you submit reviews and ratings about guys you've dated/hooked up with/etc. I did not know it existed before today.
I woke up to a text from a guy I dated for a couple months last summer/fall, who I was really, really into, but he was moving and also didn't want to commit to a relationship with me, so it didn't go further. I still think about him a lot and we text maybe once a week now (he's been gone for almost 3 months). I have him in my mind as sort of "the one who got away."
Anyway the text was just "have you heard of lulu?" I said no, he sent me a link and said "it's this app for girls"...well, okay, I'm assuming I'm supposed to go look at it.
So I go to it, and sign up--and search him, naturally, since he told me about it. What's this? A girl submitted a review less than 2 hours ago? A hookup review? All 10's, even in the commitment category, and a bunch of comments about him being an amazing lover, a great snuggler, making her laugh, having a huge dick. Which is all true of course.
Now I feel jealous, angry (why did he send me that link??! wtf?), sad (*obviously* he's hooking up with other people, but I don't like knowing about it) and in general supremely irritated that this website even exists. I try to avoid stalking people on facebook, ig, etc, and now he has introduced me to an extremely tempting and damaging social media stalktool.
Anyway this was more a rant than anything. How do I brush off these awful awful jealous feelings that I thought I was over feeling about him? I was getting on fine with him being out of sight, out of mind for the most part... | a guy I dated and still harbor feelings for sent me a link to a dating review type site where he has great reviews including one from last night. feeling bad, wanted to talk with you relationships people |
t3_2mprye | relationships | I [25F] am going to tell my S.O [26M] that I love him for the first time and I'm looking for cute/romantic/funny stories, advice, or ideas. Please help? | I don't want to just blurt it out, because I feel like this should be an important moment. So, essentially, I'm looking for cute/funny/or romantic stories or advice for inspiration.
Am I positive I'm going to get the "I love you" back? No. But that's not what I'm looking for, and that shouldn't be the point, in my opinion. It's not about validation. I have feelings strong enough that it would be almost deceptive of me not to share them, but as I said above I don't just want it to be lacklustre where I say it while we are sitting on the couch watching a movie.
So I would love to hear some positive stories or advice about that very important moment, and maybe something will click for me. Any help would be appreciated! | Telling the S.O that I love them for the first time and don't want it to be a lacklustre moment. Looking for stories or advice I can use for inspiration. |
t3_3mhr86 | relationships | My [17 M] gf [17 F] of 2 months has a close friend who would like to see her with another guy. | A close friend of my gf has just basically told me she thinks another guy would suit my gf better than I do. This guy has already had a try at my gf (when we didn't know each other yet) but she refused him. I'm not affraid of losing my gf at all, I'm just not sure how to deal with her friend who wants her to give up on me and get together with the other guy.
I haven't told my gf about our conversation yet and she also doesn't know her friend thinks it would be better if she was with the other guy.
How do I deal with her friend and should I try to be careful to not damage their friendship scince they have been close friends for about 5 years now? | Friend of gf likes to see gf with somone else, how do I deal with this and should I try to not damage their friendship? |
t3_jfpkk | dating_advice | Advice for a first date? | First time posting here, and I need a some suggestions about where to go on a first date from the hive. Normally, I wouldn't think twice about it, and I'd go with drinks & dinner, or coffee, or some other standard first date fair. However, I think this situation is a little different.
We're both in our early 30's. A friend of my parents knows her and, out of the blue, suggested to her that we get together. This gets relayed to me through my parents a few weeks ago, and I gave her a call earlier this week. What I expected to be a 10 minute conversation turned into nearly an hour and a half of talking.
We've exchanged a few texts the last few days, and I feel as though we kind of hit it off on the phone. We're supposed to see each other on Sunday afternoon, and I am struggling on coming up with what to do. Since we learned so much about each other on the phone, I think Sunday will be somewhere between a 1st date and a 2nd date. So, coffee is out. Could do a late lunch, but I'd rather do something that's less run-of-the-mill. I'm actually contemplating an easy day hike, but I'm not very familiar trails near her. (She actually lives a few hours away, near my parents, whom I'm visiting this weekend.)
So, what sayeth you? Anyone have any suggestions? | Need suggestions for a first'ish date. We're both early 30's and have only chatted on the phone so far. |
t3_m2ivg | loseit | Motivation to all the fairly in shape girls with the "unloseable" stomach. | I've posted here before, not so thrilled with the results I was having. At 5'9", 146 lbs isn't bad, but I still had jiggle, especially in my stomach. I've always had a ridge tummy- one of those nonsense pudges that perches perfectly atop my pants, the sort of unwavering thing that drives girls to lipo.
Today I am 134 lbs, I've been eating paleo because the high fat in keto makes me sick to my stomach. My go-to snack is a stick of imitation crabmeat (if you go for this, beware of the imitation crabmeat with too much sugar), I hit the gym whenever I can, and thanks to several people on loseit who have suggested I start doing weights instead of just eliptical, my 'permanent' tummy is leaving.
I no longer ignore myself in the mirror just before a shower just to spare my own feelings, and for the first time in a long time, I'm starting to be happy with my body. I've tried countless times to diet, I've starved myself, I've failed so much on my own, and this community has taught me so much.
My first goal is 130, I'll post pictures when I reach it. If I feel that I can lose weight after that and remain healthy and strong, I might go on down to 125, but past that I'll be considered underweight by BMI.
If any girls that are struggling with the tummy have any questions about what's working for me- I'd be glad to answer, again thanks so much loseit! | Went from 146 to 138, unhappy with body. Lifted weights, am now 134, am happier with my body and 4 lbs away from my first goal. Major fan of loseit! |
t3_2pi24q | relationships | How can I [25 M] deal with feelings of inferiority toward my new girlfriend [24 F]? | So I think I may have progressed to 'boyfriend' of this girl I've been dating for a few weeks. I should be happy, right? And I am: this is the most in love I've ever been. But I can't shake my feelings of inferiority toward her. She's pretty, intellectual, fun and has more friends than I. About the only thing she's not out of my league in is looks; I'm a good looking guy.
Even though things seem to be going well I'm half expecting to receive the breakup talk at any moment. This is compounded by the self esteem issues I've had since I was little. I fear that I might soon crumble under the combined weight of my feelings of inferiority and low self esteem and that it will become apparent to her. I don't really feel I can talk to her about it as that would only make me feel even more pathetic.
**How can I be a good boyfriend to her if I don't truly believe I deserve it?** Yesterday at home I cried and had a mild anxiety attack at the mere *thought* of losing her, and I'm usually very emotionally stable. Love can to weird things to the mind, I guess. | If I can't convince myself that I deserve to be her boyfriend, how is she supposed to be convinced? Can I somehow convince myself that I do? |
t3_40ztxr | askwomenadvice | [18M] If a girl agrees to go to a dance with me, is she interested in dating? | I know that there's no finite answer to this, but I'd like help reading the situation.
Basically situation goes like so:
In an English class, I sit in front of a girl that I've decided I really enjoy talking to and is fairly attractive. This English class ends within about 10 days and I'm not sure if we'd share any classes in the next semester. Today, near the end of the block as we pack up, I initiate the following exchange:
(Winter formal is a "dance" that will occur about a month from now)
M:"Hey, [Name]"
H:"What's up?"
M:"I know it might be a little bit early, but I'm trying to not be a dick and end up asking you over text. Would you like to go to Winter Formal with me?"
She then appeared stunned for a moment or two before responding with something I didn't quite catch, but it certainly ended with a yes. I then fist pumped while saying yes and she laughed. She was smiling throughout.
Great outcome -- I felt amazing and was smiling for the rest of the day. I'm just a little bit curious if she'd be interested in dating as well. I would definitely like to, but I understand that her agreement to this doesn't necessarily indicate she would like anything further. As mentioned, this dance will occur in just over a month and I think that it'd be a bit sudden to push for anything more. No idea if it's appropriate to ask her out before this dance or if I should definitely wait until after.
Thanks for any help! This is the first time I've ever asked a girl to anything, so I'm pretty clueless about how this stuff is supposed to go. | Asked girl to a dance. She said yes. Don't know if this means it's okay to ask her out or if she would even want to and when I should do so to not appear like I'm acting on impulse. |
t3_2x6yvz | relationships | Me [17M] and my gf [17F] have had some trouble recently | Me and my gf have been in a relationship for over a year now. We had a slight break up during the middle of it that later a little less than a month. To give background why we broke up was that I felt that our relationship was more sexual than loving. Now I'm getting the feeling again but to back it up none of our families like us being together.
For example her mom absolutely hates me but my gf never told me for obvious reasons. I had to get that info by her close friend who told me that. Whenever I go to her place it feels unwelcoming by the overall vibe everyone gives off to me. My family isn't any better. Half of them don't trust her.
To describe our relationship it's almost been stagnant. She has barely opened up to me about personal things just recently in the relationship and I feel like that is the first thing that we should have done.
Something a little less than evidence that we shouldn't be together is that we both had multiple dreams of either ignoring or leaving the other person. I know that isn't a good reason to break up but it's something I thought I should mention. I don't want to break her heart again but if it's the right thing to do ill do it. Any advice? | we "make love" a lot but with no love and I don't think I deserve her after we broke up previously |
t3_xzmhe | relationships | Wanting to break up with girlfriend of 6 months but I can't bring myself to do it! Please help. [18] | My girlfriend and I (male) [both 18] started dating 6 months ago. She's amazing, graduated with honors and we're going to the same college. The girl everyone in the class wanted. Everything has been great up until the last couple weeks.
I just don't feel the same anymore towards her. She's started getting upset about me spending time with my friends and wants me to spend more time with her, but I already spend lots of time with her every week. We don't see each other every day as I don't have the money or time to drive to see her every day, yet she will never make the drive to see me. The drive is only 5 miles, but then the trip to go do anything else is always expensive considering you have to drive a good 20 miles to do anything (we live on outer lying cities of a large metropolitan area).
And to top it all off, she doesn't have any close friends. So she doesn't really do anything on an average day and I'm supposed to pick up the slack of her nonexistant friends. So she complains that I never see her, even though I have work, my social life, and my own well being to attend to. I put her above everyone constantly abandoning plans to see her, but it's never enough. I have told her that I need time for everything else, but it's met with a fight.
I think I rushed into the relationship because she was so "great" but now I'm seeing the downsides.
But now I'm trying to call it off, but I can't bring myself to do it. We got in a large fight, and I tried to make a "truce" but she just blew it off. I love her, and don't want her to get hurt, but I can't stay with her. We're about to go to college and if she's going to demand all of my time, I just can't do it. What do I do to end this? | I'm with an amazing girl that has become to overbearing, how do I end it without hurting her and looking like (and being) a complete asshat? |
t3_25zbrj | relationships | Me [20 F] with my boyfriend [20 M] of 7 months, I'm pregnant and so lost | My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 months and started living together pretty soon after we started dating. I was on birth control for the first 5 months of our relationship, give or take a few weeks, but stopped taking it because I kind of just de-prioritized it and told myself it would be fine. I'd never been very careful in the past and had never gotten pregnant; I always kind of felt like I might not be able to get pregnant, so that made the issue seem unimportant to me.
Anyway, I realized today that my period was a week late and I just got this horrible feeling and sort of knew I was pregnant. I went to the doctor's office this afternoon and they confirmed what I already felt sure of.
I told my boyfriend and I made it clear that I was definitely getting an abortion, something he and I had discussed in the past. He was completely supportive but I could tell he was sad; after pressing him for a while, he admitted that "in his heart" he wanted us to keep it, but that he knew abortion was the only option for me (I'm in college, not ready to be a parent, etc.) and that he totally understood and wasn't upset with me.
I can't really pinpoint why but I'm really really concerned now that the whole pregnancy and abortion thing is going to damage our relationship irreparably. I don't know how, but I just get that feeling. I really don't want that to happen. I feel so anxious and scared, I've never been in a situation like this before. Can anyone help me figure out what I should do to avoid negative relationship fallout? I'm very sure about getting an abortion so please no advice on whether or not I should keep it. | I'm pregnant, going to get an abortion, my boyfriend is supportive but sad about it, and I want to know how to avoid our relationship suffering because of all this |
t3_eg0y9 | relationship_advice | Feeling jealous, need to fix | So I know we haven't been going out for a long time (~2 months but we have spent almost every night together and time as much as week can. But every Friday/Saturday night when people go out (I'm a sophomore 19 shes a freshman 18) I always get jealous. I'm worried she might get with someone else because of a previous relationship where the girl cheated on me. I'm not sure how to break this feeling, with my first gf I had no thought that she would ever cheat on me. But ever since my second gf cheating on me this has been an idea in the back of my mind. I don't know what it is I can do to get rid of this jealousy, I honestly do believe that she only wants to be with me since she has said numerous times that she only wants to be with me, maybe thats just a ploy or whatever. Of course this is a throw away since she checks reddit >.> But I don't know how to feel since shes really attractive and I'm sure guys hit on her at parties that I'm not at since we don't always go out with each other on Friday/Saturday since we have different groups of friends of course. What do you guys think? How do you get over jealously? Like she said that some guy tried to make something happen but she left immediately, of course I don't know the situation since I wasn't there. I don't know what to think. I'll try to answer any questions before I go to sleep. Otherwise thanks for the input I'll answer asap. | Previous gf has cheated on me so I think its going to happen with current gf, what have you guys done to not feel jealous, what do? :/ |
t3_2kt0nd | relationships | Am I[20 M] wrong for leaving live in GF[19 F]? | Alright so I live with my, soon to be Ex, Girlfriend. Every since we moved in I have paid EVERY bill, Rent, Electricity, Phone, TV, Internet. She had to have her dad pay for her last 4 insurance and car payments. I buy all the food. I buy HER dog, food. I paid for all the furniture, she only brought clothes so everything in the apartment would go with me.
We signed a year lease together but I can't take it anymore. There is always an excuse as to why the apartment isn't clean, why she can't pay the bills, and why she can't take care of her dog. I'm over it and ready to move out. We always argue, every single day. I'm always stressed out and just unhappy.
If I leave, she has nothing, no furniture, no food, no dishes, no bed, no way to pay the bills.
Would leaving her high and dry make me a bad person? I've already found a nice place that is so much better than here, now it's just getting my name off the lease which is the last part. I've been stricken by a lot of people for having her move in with me and then leaving her with nothing, even by my own mother. I just want opinions from an outside party. | Wanting to move out, leaving Ex with all the stuff she can't afford and an empty apartment. Am I a bad person? |
t3_1v3ljc | relationships | [28/M] in a 12 year relationship with [27/F] lots of infidelity on both sides yet I can't bring myself to get up and end it. | So I've been with my SO for such a long time and our lives and family have become so intertwined by now. We have been through several rough patches over the years but I think family and our close ties have always kept us together.
We have both been unfaithful before in different ways and tried to move on from it as hard as it is. We've both wanted to end the relationship before and would always end up right back together. After her first affair about 3 years ago it really damaged me because there was clearly emotion involved. Now I find out she is lying and covering stuff up again about another guy and its like de ja vu all over again.
I want to be done with this and just move on but I have no idea how to go about doing so. I have no idea how to leave the person I've spent the last 12 yrs with and cut all the ties we have. I love her so much but I feel like it would never stop. I need help! | In a 12yr relationship full of infidelity. I want to end it and move on but I have no idea how. Need help! |
t3_1sf10b | relationships | I (24F) am not sure how to ask my SO (26M) about having sex more | My SO and I have been together for awhile even though we are not technically dating. He's leaving really soon to go back home and I'm stuck where we currently live. It's been about 2months since we've done anything more intimate than cuddling and platonic kissing (which we do every weekend and throughout the week occasionally). Any time I try to initiate something more I feel like I am being brushed off gently.
I miss connecting with him on a physical level. Sex, while not the most important part of a relationship, is still very important to me. I almost feel like he's trying to pull away before he leaves or maybe he just isn't attracted to me anymore.
I know I need to discuss this with him but I don't know how to start the conversation without sounding like I am criticizing him or coming off as pushy. I don't want him to have sex with me just because I'm asking for it but I'm so sick of being the platonic cuddle buddy. | I want to have sex with my SO more frequently but I don't know how to bring it up. We're going to dinner tonight and I wanted to bring it up then, any advice would be greatly appreciated. |
t3_342im2 | legaladvice | Owners told me that I am not allowed to talk to other employees or former employees anymore | Background: Louisiana. I have work for this restuarant for going on 5 years. Recently the majority of my fellow employees quit. This includes managers, bartenders, kitchen staff, servers, etc. I am the longest lasting employee there. I have always made friends there with no problem. We used to go out drinking etc. I have even named one former employee as my godmother for my baby arriving later this year! Earlier this year, they have shouldered me with a lot of responsibility. Training EVERYONE who comes through the door. Running store errands. Redoing menus, Service manuals, long 14 hour shifts etc. I do what I can for the store. A few months ago I found out I was pregnant and cut my availability in half. I do not work nearly as,much as I used to but I still work more than a lot of people there. They sneak in shifts and I tell them no, I can not do it. They tell me they have to do what is better for the restuarant. I am afraid that they are trying to pressure me or guilt me into taking the work load when I do not feel comfortable doing so. Today, when I asked to not be scheduled for the long closing shifts as frequently they steered the conversation to if I still talk to former employees as they heard I had lunch with one a few weeks ago. I confirmed and they told me that they could not ttolerate the chance that I may say something to them (ex employees) about the store. And even though I haven't done or said anything inappropriate yet, I might and get myself into trouble. This has n0t been an issue before and I am very unnerved by it. They told me if I have the need to talk that I can talk to some friends who are unfamiliar with my wwork, my fiance at home, or to them. I was pretty flabergasterd about the conversation and admittedly did not stand up for myself the way I feel I should have. I am afraid of getting fired for some thing so SILLY after so long and am afraid of looking for another job as a pregnant woman. Any advice will be appreciated. | boss wants to suddenly control the people I hang out or talk to. I feel like they are trying to force me to quit by making my situation as uncomfortable as possible. Should I do as they say? |
t3_3bcyrk | relationships | I[m18] have trouble getting answers from my SO[f18]. | So this started back in January. We've been together for almost a year now. And it's the first serious relationship I've ever had. I personally have some trust issues that stem deeply from my childhood. But, back in January of this year, I started noticing closed off behaviours. I've always said to my girlfriend that if she ever want to talk I'm always here, she'll do the yes I know talk. Anyways, as the weeks go on, I notice she doesn't ask questions about me or seem at all intrigued by what I could have to offer and what I could learn from her about her and us. So in turn I naturally started getting frustrated. Its lead to fights, and what not. Fast forward a few months, my boss of 4 years passed away (was one of the few father figures in my life). She was comforting for a week about it. Then after that she just completely ignored me at every opportunity. Only respond to texts, mind you I'd see her nearly every day. Tried talking finding reasonable grounds but she always thought saying either: I don't know, nothing, no one, and *pause* were fit for those conversations, and still seem fit. (Told her countless times it's not fair that she refuses to answer
Fast forward over the weekend. Her sister and her are out with me. We're sitting a pub, her sister brings up how wrong cheating is. Within a split second my girlfriend spits out let's leave. I was surprised, so we left. Then as we're walking to the next pub. I re start the conversation about it. My girlfriend decides to take no participation. Prior to this I've been noticing certain guilt cues when viewing things on TV with her.
Am I just seeing all the signs? Or am I just being extremely insecure and crazy? | psychology 101 is seeming to play tricks with me. Girlfriend could've cheated. Need advice on how to find out. |
t3_2htzhh | relationships | My girlfriend [14 / F] and I [14/ M] broke up after 9 months and I don't know how to respond | My now ex-girlfriend (lets call her Susan) and I broke up after 9 months of dating. She pulled me over in gym class and said that our relationship wasn't really working out. Now to be honest, it wasn't an overly active relationship, he held hands, hugged, kissed here and there, blah blah. But I suspected that she might have been cheating on me with my friend (lets call him Alex). Susan and Alex had been hanging out *a lot* recently, and it kind of worried me because they had posted a picture of Alex's arm around Susan, taken while running a race (that I wasn't even told about). Now they hang out almost every day.
The point is, I don;t exactly know how to handle it, I mean, the kissing wasn't the *first-kiss* kind of thing, just a quick kiss on the cheek, so we hadn't really even had our first kisses yet, and not to mention we do lots of things together like marching band, so it is awkward now. I don't really know how to respond, because I'm not super sad, but I'm kind of angry, but confused I guess. I've never had a relationship last for more than 2 days before so this kind of surprised me.
I wonder if this happens to everyone, or just me? Am I simply rejected because I'm short? Or are people just rude and don't accept others. Am I *supposed* to feel a certain way, or just...kind of ^meh-ish ? I don't feel as happy as I did the day before, even though it felt like it didn't effect me at the time. Ifelt as though something was pulling slightly on my lower eyelids, and giving me wrinkles and making me look old and sad. | I don't know how to respond to a 9 month breakup that didn't seem to effect me at the time but now I wonder if it should have. |
t3_1s3avn | relationships | My [19 F] with my brother [14 M] treats my mother with zero respect. | Growing up my mom has always been strict with me and lax on the rules with my younger brother. This has lead to him not respecting me for a long time, and now he doesn't respect her either.
I want to have a good relationship with him, but he is just such a jerk that it is hard being around him sometimes. I hate visiting home from University because I hate how he talks to my mom.
I know its her fault for never giving him any responsibilities and rarely punishing him, but now I am resenting her for letting him turn out that way. I'm afraid that if I talk to her about it she may end up taking it out on me. What should I do? | My younger brother is a jerk, want my mom to do something about it, don't know how to fix it! |
t3_36ru8y | relationships | Me [37 F] with my mother, who is obsessed with boxes of some stuff I have at her house | UGH. My mother. The word martyr just isn't... enough to describe her. And EVERYTHING is about her. You don't call her back for a few days and you get an email wondering what she's done that's so terrible to make her daughter hate her. Seriously.
So. I'm the youngest of four children. I'm the only one that isn't married with a passel of children. They all live in the Idaho, Oregon, Washington area. I moved to NYC straight from college and have since moved all over the east coast, never yet getting anywhere close to the west coast.
I have about 4-5 boxes of old shit in my mom's house. Memories from childhood and college that I want to hang on to. I've already gone through these boxes multiple times, at my mom's behest, finding things that weren't so important to keep so I could condense my boxes. They are in my mom and stepdad's house under the stairs.
It's just the 2 of them in a 4 bedroom house. The basement is filled to the fucking gills with toys and shit for the for grandkids. Oh and my stepdad - a hoarder. The entire garage is filled with useless crap that he just "doesn't want to throw out".
My mom HOUNDS me every time I come home to go through the boxes.
WHAT THE FUCK IS THE BIG DEAL WITH THE FUCKING BOXES?
Am I being unreasonable that I don't understand why she is making such a big fuss over a few boxes under her stairs? I don't own a house, I've moved enough in the past few years that it doesn't make sense to buy one and I don't want the boxes yet so I don't have to keep hauling them around. But I want to keep the things that are in the boxes. I've offered to get a storage unit to put the boxes in and she always poo-poohs that.
I'm so worked up about her constantly asking me about it that I can't be rational. | My mom wants me to throw out boxes of my childhood memories because she doesn't want to keep them in her house. |
t3_1l72lj | AskReddit | Just moved next to noisy/pot-smoking neighbor and can't get sleep- How would you approach this situation? | I recently moved into a duplex unit rental. The shared wall between my and my neighbor's bedroom is paper thin, and I can hear everything he does. Everything. My wife and I have a 8-5pm work schedule (longer days on school nights) and unfortunately, a majority of his noisy activities (yelling conversations with friends, television, sex, etc.) happen between 2am-6am. We've spent our first 3 nights in our new home and have yet to get a full nights rest. Last night, we were woken up the usual noises but accompanied with the smell of pot.
I met the guy when we first moved in and while he was giving me a tour of his place, he pointed out that he had left out his pot pipe and quickly put it away. I mentioned to him that I had smelled hints of weed when we were moving into the place. He seems like a cool dude, and I don't care if he wants to smoke out, I just think he needs to take it outside or somewhere else. You aren't allowed to smoke indoors according to the lease.
We plan to talk to him tonight about the weed and noise issues, but we're kind of nervous. We share the same landlord but would like to resolve this before taking it to him. We aren't spiteful or anything- just want to find a compromise for our differing schedules and tastes. We have to live next to this guy until April (assuming he doesn't renew) so we would like to have a good relationship with him. What's the best way to bring this up without coming off as a douche bag new neighbor? | Unable to sleep because new neighbor and his friends are noisy throughout the entire night/smoke out inside the duplex smelling up our side of the unit. How would you approach them with these complaints? |
t3_26bde2 | tifu | TIFU by skipping school | So yesterday a few of my friends decided that they wanted to go golfing today instead of going to school. At my high school they give you a "voucher day" where you get a voucher that you can bring in and get the next day off. Well all of my friends had their vouchers but I had already used mine. This left me with the choice of calling myself in sick and skipping school, or to just go to school and not be able to golf. Well I made the wrong choice and called myself out. At about the 14th hole my dad texts me "we know that you are not in school, call me immediately". Welp, shit. Turns out the school called home and my parents picked up unaware that I was not in school. I called my dad and told him that I was playing golf and where I was and he was absolutely furious and told me that I need to go back to school. Well my school counts you absent after 11 so I was not sure what to do, I tried calling my dad again to ask and texted him but he didn't reply. About 15 minutes later while continuing to play golf I gave it another shot and called him again, he told me that he was standing next to my car in the parking lot and that I needed to get my ass over that. Being on the 16th hole I was quite a ways away but I started heading over as fast as I could. This is where things get worse because he had brought his own set of keys to my car and unlocked and searched through it, finding 2 weed brownies in my car. I had been caught about a month ago so this was not good news and my dad said to me that if he ever finds "drugs" again in my possession I will be kicked out of the house. After all this I had to drive to school with my parents and deal with the dean of students (private high school) and received 10 45-minute detentions one week before finals. So now not only am I grounded but I also have to spend 7 and a half hours in detention with one week of school left and finals. Today I fucked up big time. | skipped school, parents found out and searched my car and found two pot brownies, and got sent back to school and got 10 detentions. |
t3_1q3waa | personalfinance | Given the run-around on my Perkins loan... No one seems to want my money! | I pulled my credit report recently and saw that my federal Perkins loan had been sent to collections (I'd had it in deferment for a while, then never received further communication regarding it after having moved a couple times... so I kinda forgot about it. I am an idiot.). Wanting to clear this up, I called the university's Student Accounts Office, which was listed on my credit report as the holder of the debt. Student accounts office says that I need to contact the company they use for loan servicing, ECSI. Makes sense, as that's who I was making payments to before. So I call ECSI, and they inform me that they transferred the debt to a collections agency. No problem, I just ask for the agency's phone number so I can get ahold of them. Call the number given, get an answering machine, leave a message. Wait two days, get no returned call. Call ECSI to ask about the collections agency contact information again. They give me a different number to the same agency. Call that number, person informs me that I've called the wrong department. Gives me the number for the correct department. Call THAT number, talk to a lady who pulls up my information and then informs me that they had transferred my account back to the university Student Accounts Office. They advise me to check the NSLDS site to ensure who currently holds the account. I check the site... No Perkins loan listed at all. I guess I'll call Student Accounts again today, but I doubt they'll provide much more information this time than they did the last. So how the heck am I supposed to pay this damn loan?? | Student Accounts says to pay ECSI. ECSI says to pay collections agency. Collections agency says to pay Student Accounts. NSLDS says the loan doesn't exist. Credit report disagrees. |
t3_2aztnm | relationships | I [25 M] live with my GF [23 F] of nearly 4 years and don't know how to end the relationship | We've talked about marriage for years but lately whenever someone ass when we are getting married I just want to roll my eyes. We both live hours away from our families. I feel like the relationship has run it's course and that there's not really a future in it. We're quite boring, with no friends in our current location. I drive a FedEx truck so I don't make friends at work, I don't know why we never hang out with people she works with. The worst part is I can tell that she still loves me but I find myself struggling to tell say I love you back. I want to move closer to my home where all my college friends are, she's not really stoked about moving there (it would be farther from her family). | I don't know if I want to continue my long term relationship. How do you end a relationship with someone you live with? |
t3_1qigrc | AskReddit | My cat was tossed out into nowhere by my father and I was devastated but got through it. What have you done to deal with the loss of a precious pet? How bad was it when the news was told? If it has not happened what would you do or how would you feel? | My father was upset with the fact that I had spent the night at my friends house, so the day I was supposed to come home he threw my cat out. My heart was torn to pieces after he decided to tell me he threw her out into the cruel unknown world. He told me the reason why he threw her out was because I forgot to make my bed and he didn't give a shit what happened to my cat. He didn't even tell me where he tossed her out because he didn't want me to have her. So I just called her name out night and day for months outside while I cried away from the prying eyes of my family and father until I realized she wasn't coming back. Something that always played back in my head was whenever I'd call my cat, "Pretty Kitty Cookie" she would meow, purr and sometimes jump on my leg out of excitement or I would yell for her when I got home and she would be in by the door waiting for me to hold her and give her Eskimo kisses. I was 19 when that happened and well still am nineteen, but I really don't know how I got through it.
You know I was just wondering what did you guys do after you lost your pets, had them taken away from you and or they passed on to the next life?
What would you have done if that happened, how did you react? If you haven't had this happen to you how would you deal or feel with the thought of losing your best friend? | Asshole father threw cat out for stupid reason, I was heart broken for months, but I don't know how I got through it. |
t3_2h916n | offmychest | My Stalking classmate 'Friend' | So I got a 'friend' from my ex-highschool.
There was this guy. He was very annoying.
Our peer group had integrated him, numerous occasions we tried to ignore him. Tell him why we dislike him. He acted like a 5y old. Was always making noise until the point he was set out of class.
Now I've joined college, he is back. Now in my class ffs. How do I politely ask him to stay away from me. He tries to socialize with me. He follow me all day long. And now this is too much, he goes to college with the same public transport as me. And ok he can do that. But why would he take a route with is 3 times longer and goes around his destination when he could be there in a third of the time. I asked him why he didn't took the short route. 'So I could talk to you.'
This guy is fucking creepy.
What should I do. I want to file a stalking report. Or tell the school to move him out of my class. | Annoying toddler (18yo) stalks me and things we are buddy's. Want to file a report or move him out of my class |
t3_2jbgwb | Advice | Is going back to a previous employer a bad idea? | This is the situation I am in, however I'm going to write it in 2nd person to maybe paint a better picture.
Imagine you worked at a mid-sized company as a software developer for 10 years and made a good living, then were suddenly downsized due to a parent entity taking over operations and leaving you as a maintenance/legacy code monkey. You've accumulated a wealth of knowledge and developed a great rapport with most of your coworkers, however the writing is on the wall...it's only a matter of time before you are let go as well. Saddened and a bit disgruntled, you beat them to the punch and move on to a different company: a much larger, stable company that has room for advancement, decent (read: standard) benefits. You're making a good paycheck, work with happy, reliable people and for the most part enjoy your job - except it's a massive corporate entity (think Initech). You are looked up to in the company by your supervisors, managers and peers, though the truth of the matter is the sea of code monkeys that you work with have no idea what they are doing. You aren't expendable, but deep down you know you aren't doing anything a properly skilled software developer couldn't do.
Years later, you get a phone call from the previous company. Things have turned around, the company was overtaken by a larger entity and are looking for skilled people with some domain knowledge...specifically former employees. They've doubled their yearly revenue and are in a much more secure/stable position then ever. They offer you a project management position that pays 20% more than you are currently making per year and a signing bonus.
What do you do? The end of your previous tenure leaves a bad taste in your mouth, but the skills you possess and desire to move up is strong. Is going back to the previous employer a bad idea? | Employee was downsized at one company, moved on to a more stable company, but then asked to come back to a better position at a higher salary after the economy improved. |
t3_33rau3 | personalfinance | PF [25] I could use your advice on finishing up my Bachelors | Hello PF,
First off thank you for helping me get my life going in the right direction. I started breaking down my monthly bills and trimming the fat where I can. Opened a roth ira and put 2,000 in it.
In short I have a AA degree from a community college and I make over 50,000 a year before taxes at a major company. That being said I want to finish my education but because of my job (that I love) It needs to be online. I have looked into ASU online and I think $400 a credit is a bit much. It would come out to be around 36,000 that I would have to take a loan for. Which would give me a BA in communications (I know but school was never my strong point, I just want to be done and even if its a degree mill I'm okay with that.)
And I don't know if its the right move to put myself into what I consider a real amount of debt to have a BA that doesn't throw too much weight around post school. I have a strong resume so the experience wouldn't be an issue for finding a job if I part ways with my current position.
In short, what do you recommend? | have a AA, work at a very big and successful company, 50,000 a year. Should I spent 36,000 for a BA in comms? or enroll in a degree mil to just get it done |
t3_1xotxb | relationships | Me [19 M] still not over my [19 F] ex or 1.5 years | My girlfriend broke up with me five months ago, and I'm still not over her. She was my first love, she said she lost feelings towards me, and wanted to be alone for a while to figure out what she wants. About a month later she started dating this guy (that previously tried to make a move on her while we were still together). She said she wanted to be friends but it was entirely up to me.
We met up over Christmas break to catch up, talked for a couple hours, it was really nice, and when I took her home I told her we can never be friends because its too hard seeing her and feeling the way I do about her still when she doesn't feel the same, and she broke down and cried for about 30 minutes in my car, but said she understands.
I've recently started seeing someone else (been on a couple dates) and she's a great girl, but I recently saw a "couple-ly" picture of my ex and her new BF on Facebook and I haven't stopped thinking about it since. Whenever I'm hooking up with this new girl I constantly think about my ex, and have realized I'm no more over her than I was 5 months ago.
Idk what to do to try and get over her, but I really hate feeling this way, I know its not fair to this new girl, but I can't help how I feel. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. | Ex broke up with me 5 months ago, I'm seeing a new girl now but can't stop thinking about my ex. |
t3_3lz7d8 | relationships | Me [20sF] with my boyfriend[20sM] of 1 year, he keeps asking me to make Dr. appts I can't afford | I'm a mid-twenties college student and my boyfriend is an early twenties guy who for now, works for a living. I decided to transfer schools recently (Really excited tbh.) This has been pretty stressful. We've been together for a year now.
Recently some things have come up and he went to get a blood test done for STDs. (His parents kind of pushed him into it but that's a whole other story) Lately, he's been hassling me about getting all sorts of appointments made to check my health. I don't have health insurance right now and doing all of this would be expensive in my state. He wants me to set up an appointment to get a blood test for STDs. My Gyno has never recommended this and I've asked about STDs and STIs. He also wants me to go and get a mammogram. I agree that I should do this, but I have no idea of the medical cost for this type of examination so I told him that was also a no go for the time being. He wants me to go do that because I've been having pain in my chest and sore breasts. I think this is probably caused because I don't have a bra that fits. Ordering bras for larger busted ladies is a bit hit or miss. (Yes I know about abrathatfits! :) )
I don't know how to make him understand that asking this of me is starting to make me feel uncomfortable. I don't have the money that he has to pay for these appointments. As well, he is still able to be on his parents insurance at the moment and I am not. Everything for these appointments would be coming out of pocket for me. Its super annoying and agitating to repeat over and over that I cannot afford all of these appointments he wants me to schedule. I already have the stress of school, and this argument is stressing me even more. | how do I politely tell my boyfriend that I cannot afford all of these medical exams he wants me to get because I don't have a good enough financial situation? |
t3_4wxwwp | legaladvice | Landlord hasn't done much to restore my apartment from water damage (almost 2 weeks )[AZ] | At the beginning of august, a major water leak flooded my restroom and seeped into the walls and vents. Immediately upon incident I called the front office of my apartment to report it. It took almost 15minutes to get a hold of someone. My roommate had to hunt down a grounds keeper to officially turn off the water.
The water didn't destroy any of our stuff, thankfully. But, the manager of my apartment complex wanted to wait for it to dry before they did anything to it. Fast forward a week, the apartment was hard to live in. The whole place smelled like mold and me and my roommate are forced to live outside of the apartment with friends.
I don't have renters insurance, so I was living in my car for a short time. In phoenix, the weather is unbearable. So, I was uncomfortable and annoyed about our situation. Immediately on monday morning i went to the office to get a timeline of when we could move back in. But, nothing was planned. The manager kept saying were "busy." I had to raise a fuss about the smell and how unbearable the conditions were in the apartment. Then, a grounds keeper came in to replace the ceiling with new dry wall. Next day, a carpet cleaner came in to clean the rug.
After the touch-ups, me and my roommate waited for the paint and rug to dry. We waited for a three days just to make sure everything was okay. I walked in and realized the mold was still present. It continued to smell musty. I told the apartment complex that the restorations haven't been completed yet. No one has done anything at the office to help us. Today, I walked into the office to request a new unit. The only thing I keep hearing is, "Ill speak to the manager about it and get back to you." In the end, I never hear from them. I'm not sure what else to do... What are my rights as a tenant? I know for a fact, the manager of the apartment complex hasn't honored their side of our rental agreement. I just want to move back into my apartment and relax. | Landlord hasn't done anything to fix the water damage caused by our upstairs neighbor. It's been close to two weeks since the incident. |
t3_34r3cx | offmychest | I have no idea if I have the capability to love someone? | I'm talkative guy. I care for my parents. I don't love them. I thinking caring is more important. I'm willing to put them ahead of myself. However, I can say that I don't love them. I feel free when they aren't around. I don't like responsibility to people due to some status or relation. I want to be responsible in class or at work, b/c I choose those things to be a part of my life. I choose to be responsible to my friends and vice versa. I've never been in a proper relationship. I've only ever liked one person and I'm still in contact with her, but I don't see it ever going anywhere. (She's taller than me lol)
I'm not depressed, but I want an answer. So I can move forward with my life. I don't know if college is the right thing or if my major is correct. I have a feeling of unrest. College has been great, but it sucks that I can't meet my high school friends often b/c we are all going elsewhere.
I don't value finding someone to love, but rather if it appears to me, then I'll seek it. I'm somewhat of a career oriented person and want to succeed in various fields. I love things, but not a person. | Am I a monster or something else because I can't truly love? How do I seek love if I like someone? |
t3_23p3sw | Advice | I've bonded with a stray cat, would it be unethical for me to take him home? | I moved into a room in a big house about a year ago. I noticed a stray cat who wanders through all the yards. I fed him a few times and we became pals, hanging out on nice days, cuddling outside on cold ones. The thing is that I'm moving to a different state in a few weeks and I really want to take him with me but don't know if I should. I would have adopted him earlier if I was allowed to have a cat in my room.
The cat is in great health (if I had ever seen any health problems arise I would have taken him to the vet) he's a decent weight and his fur is pretty clean other than some dust and scabs from what I assume just came about from living as a stray. However I'm not entirely sure he's a stray. He was definitely a house cat at one point, he loves cuddles and laps and even snuck into the garage and curled up on a comfy chair, but I'm not sure if he has a home now, he's always outside and is kinda dirty and is always picking dirt out from between his toes.
I'm mostly concerned if I would be a terrible person for taking this cat out of his environment that he's clearly accustomed to and moving him to an entirely new area he doesn't know at all. But I would feel bad leaving him behind knowing he waits in the backyard for cuddles in the morning.
What should I do? Is it unethical to take him with me? | Bonded with a stray cat, not sure if taking him with me when I move would be detrimental or helpful to him. |
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