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t3_46je8f | relationships | I [18F] still don't know how to trust my BF [19M] of almost 2 years? | Prior to my current relationship with BF, I dated a guy, whom we'll call "Trevor". Trevor and I dated for around 18 months, during which time he was subtly abusive, but not in a way I was aware of at the time, eg. making me feel bad for not working out, insisting that I wear makeup constantly, dictating my purely platonic friendships with males, you know the drill.
During the end of that relationship, I met current BF and began developing very strong feelings for him, which made me realise that my current relationship was a pile of shit, to say the least. So I break things off with Trevor, and proceed to pursue a relationship with current BF. Almost immediately after breaking up with him, he proceeds to tell me his true opinion of me and admits that he only dated me out of pity and because he thought I'd be an easy fuck (we never slept together, so joke's on him). I'm also almost entirely sure he was cheating on me, though he never confirmed that, as he was incredibly secretive.
So now I've been dating current BF and things are wonderful, except that I'm still not able to fully trust him after that last hot mess. He's so patient with me, he puts in so much effort and constantly makes me feel beautiful and tells me he loves me for who I am. I know that we're young, but this relationship is one of the most stable, mature, loving relationships I've ever seen, let alone been in. All I want to be able to do is believe him when he says and does all these wonderful things, but I can't. What can I do to become less insecure? He deserves so much better. | Terrible and abusive relationship with ex left me feeling unlovable. Current BF is kind and loving, but I still feel unsure about his honesty and want to be able to stop doubting him. Any suggestions? |
t3_jp8ds | relationship_advice | After a beautiful year together I found out she was cheating. I broke up with her, she's trying to contact me. I'm feelin a little conflicted here. | Hey.
A couple of days ago I broke up with my girlfriend. It initially started as a long distance relationship, we usually saw each other every month. Things were awesome, I was truly in love.
However a few days ago, I got really insecure about her actions and how some stuff she told me while I was away happened. I couldn't stand this, so I checked her gmail logs. I was devastated.
She cheated on my with her ex several times, they did lots of stuff together when she actually told me "I was alone or with my family".
I confronted her. She lied again, I had to use the logs. Everything just fell down to pieces.
I'm destroyed, I can't really forgive her (yet, I think) for what she did to me. Also, I finally got established on her home city, was living with her, I took my stuff and now I'm living with a friend of mine.
Dear reddit. I know some of the usual advice. I deleted her from every social network, erased all our photos, letters, threw away crap she gifted me. But now, she has started to write stuff and text me, I haven't answered anything, nor do I intend to, but I'm feeling like crap and I'm starting to question if this is the best solution to all this thing.
Can I get some words of wisdom here? | GF of 1 year cheated on me several times with her ex while I was away. She's contacting me, I feel conflicted about what to feel right now. Help. |
t3_e6pin | AskReddit | DAE Honestly Not Care about the new TSA Requirements? | Look, I fly, a LOT. I have had my liberties, lets say "breached", submitted to "groping", was even forced to take off my socks (apparently a size 14 foot CANT be real in Europe..... they had to squeeze my BARE foot). I understand these are a pain and perhaps do not wish to submit to them, however, I understand there are other ways. I could take a boat. I could choose to not travel. Or, I could attempt to understand, that In buying that ticket, I am agreeing to the searches and seizures brought upon me at the airport (read the fine print!). At this point in life, I simply want to GET THER THE FASTEST WAY POSSIBLE. I don't care if you don't like it, just don't cause a scene and take 45 mins of my time by distracting all the other security personnel with your little fit. I am that guy that stands there furiously staring at people, wondering WHY do they not remove metal objects BEFORE going in the metal detector. | I don't care about the TSA, I just want to travel quickly and safely, and not hear people bitch about new measures. |
t3_jhkuk | AskReddit | Does the progression of computing platforms make sense to you? | This is more of a rhetorical question. I've been pondering (yes I have a lot of time on my hands) the progression of computing. And yes I took a few liberties to simplify things a bit.
1. Mainframe era - applications ran on big iron, people accessed them via terminals (a very thin client if you will).
2. PC/Desktop era - applications and media live on the "personal computer" - yay computing for everyone.
3. Web era - applications and media once again live on a server somewhere, web browser is a thin client, turning PCs into big fancy terminals.
4. Mobile era - applications and media live on your phone. Yay, just like the PC days but now it all fits in your pocket.
5. Cloud era - ok, applications are back on big server iron somewhere, and your mobile apps are now thin clients to access software and media that live somewhere else. | apps go from living remotely to living locally to living remotely to living locally to living remotely. I should have made a cartoon instead. (who wants to make a cartoon?) |
t3_4n8ciu | relationships | I [37 F] feel left out when my boyfriend [42 M] doesn't include me with his daughters from a previous marriage | As the title states, my boyfriend and I both have our own children. He has always been included and has enjoyed spending time with my daughter and son. Both of my kids love having him around.
However, as we have gotten to be more serious, I feel like he does not want to treat me the same as I treat him in regard to spending time with his daughter who lives with her mother. I have gone out of the way to make time to go out with them and he has either not asked me to join or doesn't really seem to excited to have me there.
I have asked him about it and told him how I feel about it, but he doesn't seem to see the big problem or shrugs it off. But, it is important to me, because I want us to share all important aspects of our lives together if we are to go further in our relationship. This isn't me wanting to go hang out with him and his bowling friends or something along those lines, it's his daughter.
Now, I feel like he does not truly me because he it seems like I am not as important when he is with his daughter. I am not saying he has to love me as much as his daughter, I have kids so I know it's not the same. But, being included as a family is important to me. | We both have children from previous marriages. I include him with my family. But, he doesn't do the same for me with his daughter. What should I do about feeling excluded from his family time? |
t3_10lhvr | relationships | I thought my wife was acting distant... I installed spyware on her phone and am now worried! | For the last couple weeks my wife has been distant and acting different. I noticed that she was texting some guy she has worked with a lot. Internet history showed she had been on his FB page quite a bit as well. I have had spyware on her phone before and decided that it was time again.
Monday morning I installed the spyware. Today after finding out that she was working with this guy again I checked her SMS history. Lots of flirting back and forth and it looks like she has sent him some provocative pictures today(no nudity, just suggestive). She also asked him if he wanted to get together after she leaves work. 10pm AZ time.
We have 2 kids, 1.5 and 4. I am 34 she is 23. We have been together for 3 years and married for 1. We are planning on moving out of state in about a month.
I don't know what to do... Should I confront her? Should I wait until the move is over and then leave her? We are moving to be near my family. I will have my family for support. I'm very nervous. The adrenaline is definately flowing!! Help me out reddit! | Wife was acting distant. Installed spyware on her phone and my gut was right; she has been flirting and sending pics to a guy she works with. Kids are involved. |
t3_2vlzf6 | tifu | TIFU Trying to buy a car | This was actually August/September of last year here in Tempe, for posterity's sake
I'm a naive young college student, and I would like to believe most people are honest, reasonable people who like to do the right thing when it doesn't hurt them. This day, I was wrong.
Wanted to buy this guy (we'll call him Robert) 1996 Honda Del Sol, he was selling it for a really good price and I was in the middle of getting a loan together, so we talked and he was cool about holding onto the car for me.
He got anxious so I told him hey, I'll give you like $360 today so you know I'm serious, and the rest when the loan comes through. If it fails, just give me the $360 back and we'll call it square. He agreed. few days later I don't get a response from him, call him and find out his screen is cracked so he can answer my calls but not return them. Okay, that's understandable. Next few days MY phone breaks. Get a new phone, and come to find out his number isn't synced. After a few days of tracking down his number through T-Mobile's AMAZING *cough bullshit cough* customer service, call it to find out HE CHANGED HIS NUMBER.
Bye bye great deal on what would have been the perfect car and $360 I borrowed from a friend. Life lesson learned T_T | gave a seemingly honest hispanic man a sort of down payment for a car, he changed his number and took off with my money |
t3_11160l | dating_advice | How to get completely over someone? | Hello, I'm stuck in a weird situation. Basically, freshman year of high school I was absolutely obsessed with this one girl that I had been friends with for quite some time. However, the more that time passed, the less I liked her. She would shut me out and often make up absurd excuses for mundane things. She also got really weird and, for lack of a better term, sort of like a stoner that thinks she's a stoner hippie but is too religious and timid to even touch anything that's impure. I outgrew her and I became an almost completely different and better person in the process.
It's been a few years now, and we still go to school together. I have been talking to girls who I find to be much more attractive and much more personable. But for whatever reason, there's this little piece of me that won't let go to the girl I obsessed over. Reddit, can you teach me the ways of cutting ties? | Obsess over girl. Girl becomes unattractive to me. I become different, meet new people, but I still have some feelings for her. How do I stop? |
t3_3jwia9 | relationships | I [23M] struggle during arguments with my girlfriend [22F] because I have a tendencey to smile in stressful situations | Ever since I was a kid I've had a tendency to smile in stressful situations. As a kid this was during times when I would be disciplined and now it happens when my girlfriend and I argue.
I've put a lot of effort into trying to not do this and explain it to my girlfriend. I understand it can be frustrating for her and I've tried to explain it and prevent it. She's started to smile at me during arguments so I 'know how it feels' and I don't agree with her doing that and I honestly try to not do it because I know it can be frustrating. It's really upsetting that now she does it just to get back at me. What should I do to stop from smiling? To explain it to her? To make her realize I honestly don't mean to do it? | I tend to smile during arguments (accidentally), girlfriend now does it so I know how it feels. How to explain that I can't help it? How to keep from smiling? |
t3_rz75r | relationships | I am in love with my girlfriend and want to be with her for the rest of my life. Only problem is, I feel like I need to f*** other women first. What do I do?! | Hi guys, crosspost from AskReddit.
25 y/o male here. My girlfriend and I have been together almost 10 years and it's fairly obvious that we both want to be together for the rest of our lives. We're best friends, we laugh and cry together, make out on the couch together and tell each other how much we love each other 5+ times a day - and all of the other fairy-tale relationship things. We were high-school sweethearts and are very much in love.
Only problem is, our sex life sucks.
I seem to have whittled it down to the fact that she was my first sexual partner. I lust after female co-workers, friends and even random people I see, even the 'average' ones, thinking of all the naughty things I'd do to them. I've come close to cheating, but could never live with the guilt of hurting my girl. Most of the time, I don't feel like doing those naughty things with my girlfriend, and it's almost to the point that I'm not sexually attracted to her like I used to be (lust dies after a few years though, we all know that). Don't get me wrong, she is GORGEOUS. She still wants and tries to initiate sex with me but sometimes, I just can't do it... literally.
I want to spend the rest of my life with her because we click so well in every single other area and I love spending time with her, but our bedroom life has just gotten stale. We've tried talking about it some, but I can never really verbalize my desire, to tell her that "I need to fuck other women before I can settle down". God, I sound like a tool.
Short of cheating on her or trying to weasel my way into an 'open' relationship (which I don't think she would have a bar of) to satiate my desire to experience the wonderment of other women, what are my options? Has anyone else been in this situation? | In a 10-year relationship with my highschool sweetheart and my 'first' - I want to stay together forever, but strongly feel the need to 'spread my man-seed' before settling down. |
t3_1j0rz7 | relationships | How can I [27m] be a better bf for my gf [25f]? | So I have been in a relationship with her foR about 4 months. Recently we had to go temporarily long distance (my work sent me to Japan for a couple months until October).
We talk every day (Skype and iMessage) for usually 2-3 hours (I have no idea how we never run out of things to talk about). I'm very open with my feelings and she seems to be as well. I'll usually write her a letter in the mail once a week or send her a package with Japanese candy (she says she usually binges on candy a week before her period, so I try to give her variety). She said she really likes the way I describe how I feel about her sexually, so I've been writing her an erotic novel about us (she said it calms her when she is stressed or uses it to masturbate).
I guess I just feel really powerless here. I can't be there to hold her when work is stressful or put on a tie to take her on a date. I want to be the best partner I can be. I guess I'm just wondering if there is anything I'm missing that I could be doing better? | it's not that long... Title says it all. I want to be better because I think my girl deserves the best and I want to be that for her. |
t3_3yd0cx | relationships | My(24/m) ex (22/f) won't stop popping up In my life | Me (24m), her (22f) Basically when me and my ex broke up she made it adamant that we didn't talk to each other then after about 2 weeks of 0 contact she kept every week or so, trying to arrange to meet up with me, then we seemed to have ended on okay terms after we talked about it but every few days she would pop up and talk to me, so I assumed that we'd be okay to meet up again eventually, as friends, and put it behind us but when confronted about the subject she made it pretty clear to her I was just someone she knew, an nobody really, so obviously I got annoyed with the mixed signals and told her to leave me alone until she knows what she wants
Fast forward to Christmas day, she messages me just before midnight of Christmas day asking how my Christmas went etc, obviously I was confused why she bothered because I made it clear I didn't want to talk to her if she is just going to treat me like a nobody when I've been pretty consistent with trying to still have her naively In my life, I confront her again and she made the same comment that I was never going to be someone significant in her life, again I lost my shit with her because this girl broke up with me on a weekly basis when we were together, has no respect for me and has completely disregarded my feelings the entire of our relationship and beyond.
My question is, why does she keep popping up ignorant to me making it clear I don't want anything to do with her if shes going to treat me like a nobody when I clearly still want to be friends with her since we shared a big relationship together? Am I being stupid? | ex doesn't want to know me but thinks it's okay to keep popping up in my life and then pretending like she doesn't give a shit about me and it's bothering me. |
t3_2abpbe | tifu | Tifu by thinking Ween is the perfect band to listen to stoned. | It's 4:20 am as I write this haha.
So this all culminated in the last 30 minutes. To set the mood, my best friend and I were smoking a couple of doobies and talking about the upcoming semester. For those interested it was platinum kush, because we only smoke the finest here in California. Anyway I have to be up for work in a few hours so, I decided to call it a night. He takes off and I go to bed. I listen to music while I unwind, so I play Ween's masterpiece "God Ween Satan". I'm tripping pretty cool to the music so I decided to find a link on *youtub so my friend could check it out when he got home. My stoned brain hit the text message conversation below the one I had going with him. The conversation I selected was the one I was having with my recently ex-girl I sex.
The fuck up is, that album has such titles as, "You Fucked Up", and "Common Bitch". Obviously these songs are telling some girl she is a cunt. As appropriate as they might be for the current times I was trying to build the relationship back. Not only because I want to hit that one more time, but because we have tickets to see McCartney in August, and she has them. | got stoned and sent music to the chick I used to bone, the essentially tell her she a stupid set of met curtains. Potentially boning myself out I McCartney tickets |
t3_33k0pl | relationships | Me [19 M] with my girlfriend [19 F] a year, wants her nipples pierced. I want her to be happy but I don't want it... | So after we saw each other today she very randomly text me "What would you think if I got my nipples pierced?"
I do not find it attractive and I am certain she's not doing for another guy or to show off or anything like that. After finding out I wouldn't like it she decided to do it just for herself.
I told her I love her and would support her if she wanted too. I also exclaimed that the probability of me liking them is very little. After hearing all of that she is deciding to go Friday.
I find her body perfect as it is and don't think anything needs to be added onto it but she really wants these piercings that I wouldn't like. I'm not sure what I should do. Put my own comfort around her first or put her desire of a piercing in front of that. She tells me it will make her feel better about herself. | Girlfriend wants nipple piercings because she says she will feel better about herself. I would not find them attractive in the slightest but want her to feel good about herself. |
t3_3krcyp | relationships | Me [25F] have been dating a guy [24M] for about 3months, he stopped texting me out of the blue. | I've been dating a guy for about 3 months and it was going very well. He was texting me almost every day but suddenly he stopped for almost a month.
In the beginning, I thought he might be busy since he told me he would be, that is why I didn't text him first. But now, I guess he lose his interest in me. I expected he would say something even if he doesn't wanna hang out anymore tho.
But I'm still interested in him and just wondering. For that reason, is it too silly if I text him after a month we haven't talked? if not, what to text him? just say sorta how have you been something like that or ask him if he doesn't wanna hang out with me anymore? or should I just let it go?
Because I don't want to seem needy or whatever like awkward..:( | I still have feelings for a guy stopped texting me who I've dating for 3months. What to text him or should I just let it go? |
t3_18pebl | AskReddit | Reddit, what's your worst retail experience whether customer or employee? | I was helping a lady checkout of the store when a different woman approaches me. She asks me where the bug spray is, and I tell her the general direction as I do not know the specific isle. I also mention that if she cannot find it to find a non cashier employee. She then thanks me and leaves, the whole exchange taking about ~30 seconds. As I turn back to the customer I'm ringing up, I notice she's now glaring at me. Oh fuck. She then says in a voice that's equivalent to a mom scolding their child "you need to finish what you're doing first." Immediately I became full of rage, but I kept it internal and just kind of nod my head and said something along the lines of "Well it was just a quick question." She goes "well people are rude like that, you need to just finish up what you're doing here with me first and ignore them."
I'm just like wtf lady, I'm paid shitty minimum wage and on top of all of that since it's corporate so I can't even defend myself or say anything back to you unless you're pretty much flat out calling me names, to which even then I *still* can't do anything I have to call my manager over to defend me. I gave her the silent treatment from that point on, but luckily the transaction was almost over.
My manager just said "suck it up," which basically means you just have to let customers walk all over you. 99.5% of people wouldn't dare do this, but obviously some will and I think it's bullshit that its a corporate policy to allow customers to destroy any shred of dignity you have at that job.
I could potentially get in trouble for this, but if she ever comes in again and comments in a similar fashion I'm just going to say "It's corporate policy to respond to every guest you can."
Because seriously, if I had listened to the lady's suggestion and ignored the customer who asked where the bug spray was it would have landed me in actual trouble. "X employee ignored me when I asked him a question, how rude!" | If you work for a business with the rule "we reserve the right to refuse service to anyone" rather than "we must bend over to everyone" then appreciate dat policy. |
t3_3gpwz5 | relationships | Me [26M] with my friend [26 M] ~15 years, I've been planning a 1yr+ trip a week before he's due to have his first kid. | I've been planning a 1yr+ trip to Australia for the past few months. I bough the visa on Dec 29 and it gives you a one year window to enter the country before it expires. I haven't told any of my friends or family just yet because I wanted to have a ticket in hand before telling anyone.
My best friend since before high school is expecting his first kid with his gf in the first week of January. Even though we don't live in the same city anymore we still talk on the phone at least once a week and hang out at least once a month - we are still very close. I'm just not sure what's expected of me in this situation.
How would you guys feel if your closest friend left the country for more than a year leaving the week before you had a kid? I feel like a jerk | Friend having a baby, I was going to leave the country for more than a year the week before the baby is due. Am I a jerk? |
t3_vgij8 | AskReddit | Reddit. Help me find a missed friend connection! | I was in Jamaica at the Holiday Inn Sunspree Resort at the end of May, and one day at the bar I was talking to an awesome guy named Rod and his brother Mark. They were from Brooklyn and we had a great conversation about all kinds of stuff, especially business. We were going to exchange contact info, but never saw each other again. Rod goes to school in Buffalo and is working on his MBA. His brother is an occupational therapist at a hospital. I've tried searching for Rod on Facebook, but I never got his last name. Somebody help! If you know these guys or need other info to help let me know. It would be awesome if we could contact each other somehow. | If you know a Black guy named Rod from Brooklyn and goes to school in Buffalo, has a brother named Mark. Let me know! |
t3_4lxjx8 | relationships | Me [21M] with my Girlfriend [20F], she decided to get off the pill, and won't have sex anymore | So me and my girlfriend have been dating for 6 months now, and we've been having sex for 5 months. There's been no problems other than a few months ago when a condom broke. Shes very through with never having sex without protection, as I've happily obliged.
A few days ago she decided for unknown reasons to get off the pill but still of course does want to get pregnant, she has also decided that because of this we won't have sex anymore. Ive waited to bring it up and haven't talked to her about it cause I'm afraid she'll think I'm in it just for the sex if I bring this up. Or that she's looking for an excuse for me to break up with her.
She is a very anxious person so I don't know why she would want to get rid of a way to not get pregnant or use the health benefits. She gets scared very easily about things but I haven't done anything in my eyes to warrant this reaction. | Girlfriend has gotten off the pill for unknown reasons and now won't have sex, afraid she's trying to break up with me. |
t3_3o1477 | relationships | Me [18/F] with my unreasonable roommate [18F]. Please help I don't know what to do? | I am a freshman in university and my roommate comes from another country. We are very different, but alike in some ways in the beginning we got along really well. But now we are getting into frequent fights about pretty much everything. It may be because we are always in the room, we don't do much but she always does her homework really late at night and she expects me to be awake until she finishes. Her reasoning when I tried to speak with her about it was that she can't work during the day, I have asked about a nights out situation but she refuses. She says she pays money to be able to study in her room, but I say I pay money to sleep in my room as well. She stays up until 1 AM everyday and refuses to cooperate with me. I tried 12:30 AM but she said no again, but when she is tired she expects me to be silent and to turn off my lights but won't do the same for me.
She also borrows things without my permission, my stapler, scissors etc. I don't know if I am being overly sensitive but I just wish she would ask and I would always say yes. I don't mind her borrowing my things. I also suspect she threw away my body spray because I have not been able to find it anywhere. I had to buy new ones, because of this.
But the main reason I am making this post is because I am at my wits end. Today was the day we had our worst fight, it was over the blinds on our window. She doesn't like the sunlight and I had it open because I like the sunlight. She says her inner demons don't like the light. I admit that I may not have handled it the best, I said some mean things as did she. We acted like children to be honest and had a grudge match over the blinds, she held the cord, I held the cord and we argued for a while. It ended with the blinds being slightly open and now we are on separate sides of the room brooding in anger. I don't know what to do, should I involve the RA? Am I being unreasonable? Could our tension be due to different personalities? | Roommate and I are having problems with personal space, lights out time, and blinds. What should I do? |
t3_qzp7o | AskReddit | Hi, Reddit. I'm working on a crowd-sourced book about depression. Before I take the next step, I have a question for you about online anonymity! | Hi, Reddit!
I'm currently interviewing people for a book about depression. I'm not a therapist or a self-help guru...just a person who has struggled with depression throughout my life. I want to talk to as many people as I possibly can about how they've dealt with depression, overcome depression, relapsed back into depression...you know the cycle.
This is a crowd-sourced book, and in that spirit, the final project will go up on Kickstarter (hopefully by September).
There are two parts to the interview. Part one is a demographics survey (name, age, gender, race) and some yes/no questions about depression. Part two is an optional followup interview that delves deeper into the yes/no questions.
In "real" life, it seems like the general survey should come first and the personal interviews should come second. In Reddit Life, people are wary about revealing their identities, and might be more willing to answer the personal interview questions *before* answering the demographic questions.
With that, I'd like to hear your thoughts! Which questions would you be more inclined to answer? I feel like this should go without saying, but the actual survey answers will not be posted publicly on Reddit. | In a survey about depression, which questions would you be more comfortable answering: 1) short questions that reveal information about your age, race, gender or 2) longer questions that reveal less about your demographic, but are deeply personal? |
t3_4r17lp | relationships | [24 M] Hanging around with taken coworker [24 F], need advice on how to approach the situation. | Started a new job around 6 months ago, and one of my coworkers [24 F] and I [24 M] hit it off very quickly. As these things go, she was in a relationship and not free for me to ask out. Her boyfriend is long-distance and has to move around for work a lot, but the relationship has lasted many years.
Normally, I'd shrug my shoulders and try and focus on dating people that are available. The problem with this particular situation is that we spend every spare second of our time texting and talking to one another, and hang out all the time to get food, go buy stuff, or just sit in the car and talk for hours. Nothing she's said or done in my presence has signaled to me that she likes me as anything more than a friend, but the degree to which we've opened up to one another has definitely gone beyond the territory of 'just friends.' We also rely on one another for emotional support in a manner that again goes beyond what I've experienced in any other friendship (with men or women).
My question is, would this be considered emotionally cheating on her part? I'm so confused at how to approach this, because by now I genuinely value her friendship and would be really upset to lose it if some stupid drama about cheating or boyfriends or whatever were to come down the pipeline. All I'm saying is if I was in a relationship and saw my girlfriend texting another man the way she texts me, I would be extremely upset. Again: There's nothing romantic or suggestive about any of the things she says or does in reference to me, but the depth of the connection is pretty intense. She also mistakenly texted me instead of her boyfriend earlier today, which made me raise my eyebrows to say the least.
I guess my | is: Coworker has boyfriend, does coworker's friendship with me cross the line into emotionally cheating on said boyfriend, and what should I as her friend do about it? |
t3_4xfhat | relationships | I [19f] am fed up with my cousin [22f] relentlessly mocking our family. | I come from a very big family, and we're all relatively close. One of my cousins has had a lot of issues with school and health, but is also a very judgemental human being. She constantly mocks people we went to high school with, her immediate family, and our cousins. At first I could write it off as the same teen angst I had, but now I feel as if it's gotten out of control.
A few months ago, I guess she made a humorous Instagram account so she could section off funny posts from her "glamour shots" so to speak. I did not follow it back because I knew it'd open a whole new can of worms. However I checked it today out of curiosity and was not happy with what I found. She posted something mocking my cousin's old Instagram. Keep in mind this cousin was 11 at the time she wrote this. Currently the cousin under attack is an amazing 14 year old girl who would never do something like this. I am afraid to speak up about this because I know I may be the next target. I deal with enough people from college judging and bullying me at the moment and I don't think I could take one more person hurling insults at me behind my back.
I'm at a loss as to what to do. Should I tell the mother of the young cousin who's being mocked? Am I overreacting? Keep in mind I've seen this kind of relentless mockery go on before my eyes for years... I know it's wrong but now I want to do something about it once and for all. | My cousin has been incredibly mean and judgemental about our family behind their backs for years and I'm done being a silent witness. I have proof of her meanness and I'm wondering if I should go through with telling someone. |
t3_5488tc | relationship_advice | I (17/F) am pushing my mother (46/F) away, and I don't know how to stop | As of late, I feel tensions between me and my mother have been growing, and I know that it's my fault, but I don't know how to prevent it. I'm an extremely motivated student, straight A's with several AP's and extracurriculars that have me getting home at 9 pm every night and take up 8 hours on Saturdays and Sundays.
I push myself incredibly hard which often results in myself getting sick a lot, and not too much sleep. Unlike the other solutions I've tried to find, it's not my parent pushing me to do any of this. She has never forced me to get A's, take classes, or do more activities. This past year has been especially stressful and I know that it's only out of concern that she worries for me, but I'm so sick of being told by teachers that "Oh this is a class you won't get an A in" or "should you really take this many AP's? You don't have a study hall!" And things like that. It's a challenge to me, so when she tells me that I should drop an activity or take a sick day... I feel like I can't, like it's an insult to my ability to sustain myself and manage my sanity, in a way. It's causing me to become distant and frustrated with her. I don't know what to do or if it's just hormonal emotions or how to fix this issue that I've caused. | I push myself incredibly hard, my mother is concerned, and I'm taking it as an insult to my capabilities. How do I fix the distance I've created between us? |
t3_2m6y8u | relationships | Me [39M] with my fiance [35F] of 6 years, found out she's been meeting with another man | It started out honest enough - she met a guy she connected with on the train... she mentioned it to me, no big deal. She's brought him up a couple of times, but they "just have conversations in passing on the way to work, on the train."
This went on for a long time - likely at least seven months, no regular mention of the dude. Last night the voice in my head got to me and I took a quick peek at her phone.
There are literally thousands of text messages back and forth over the period. Mentions made of frequent get togethers for lunch, and tons of conversation and meeting. Not just a few times. Not just random chance, but regular and planned meetings. Also clear mention of me, and how I wouldn't understand.
He's married and from what I could gather, he hasn't mentioned this "friendship" to his wife. We are engaged and have two children together, and she was pretty clear that they just chatted every now and again. Evidently this was untrue.
My issue is not around the thing - she's free to have friends, obviously, and I am 110% cool with men or women as friends. Where my train of understanding stops is the lying... she has a history of doing this, from early on in our relationship - there were lies, and I chose to think she could change (daft, I know, but that was me in love I suppose... choosing to see the better in her).
So we are engaged to be married with two children, and I am stuck. I don't even know how to approach this with her.
Any and all sharing would be appreciated. Thank you in advance. | Engaged to be married to someone who is clearly dishonest and thinks that meeting up with a married man regularly/secretly is somehow acceptable. |
t3_25v8dv | relationships | My (27F) boyfriend of 8 years (27M) thinks I need to lose weight, but I'm not overweight | Forgive the throwaway..
I know there have been a few of these recently, but I have absolutely no idea how to handle this situation. We've been together since the early days of college, and he's generally a wonderful partner.
However, he thinks that we need to lose weight. I saw "WE" because he's never flat-out told me I specifically needed to lose weight. He says often though that he thinks WE should be in better shape, WE look better thinner, etc.
He's probably about 20 pounds over his "ideal weight" but he still looks great to me. I hardly notice weight on him, and he's sort of "thick" and carries weight well. In my mind, he's pretty much perfect physically, with a big barrel chest and big legs. I think he's overly concerned for his weight, and too critical of himself. If he wants to lose weight, I support him, but I don't think he needs to.
I'm within a normal weight for my height, but at the upper end of it. I'm petite but curvy, and I frankly think I'm cute. I know other people agree. I cycle, walk the dog, and have started weight lifting for fun.
What led me to make this post was an argument we got in last night, where he word for word told me that "when we have sex, it just feels like two fat people having sex". Let me state that we don't have sex very often, maybe 1-2 per month.
Anyway, to the root of the issue: Is he justified in his comments? He says he's allowed to express his opinions on his partner's appearance, and that I should care what he thinks. I say that I'm healthy, and he's being an asshole. The sex comment was extremely hurtful, even though he says that's "not what he meant". He also has mentioned that he's trying to be nice about his comments, so I am pretty convinced his actual feelings are much more severe on that matter. | My boyfriend thinks WE need to lose weight and I should care about his feelings on my appearance. I think he's too critical and being insensitive. |
t3_uz6d5 | AskReddit | I strongly suspect my neighbor put dead animals in my back yard. The police would not do anything since there is no evidence... should I just let it go? | This morning before I left for work I noticed that strangely there were 3 dead raccoon in my neighbors front yard very near the border of my front yard. I did not have time to deal with the situation then. Throughout the day I looked into the possibility of animal control or waste management to deal with the dead animals.
When I returned home the raccoon were gone so I assumed my neighbor had resolved the situation while I was gone. I started to do some yard work while I still had some daylight left. When I moved into my fenced back yard I noticed all 3 dead raccoon were moved from the front yard to MY back yard left in a pile a few feet from the fence door.
The raccoon must have been poisoned somehow perhaps by accident because they were not chewed or in any condition you would expect from an attack from a larger animal. They all looked in good condition (un-chewed) both this morning and this afternoon. So I'm ruling out a larger animal moving them.
I suspect they already don't like me and since my backyard looks overrun at the moment. They figured they could throw the animals in my yard and I wouldn't know that they were moved at all.
I confronted my neighbors wife about it and she acted very suspicious and with poor English basically told me she didn't see anything and she "doesn't go outside". I waited an hour and went back to see if the husband was home to talk to him. They would no longer answer the door even though I know they are home.
I called the police but when they came they said due to lack of evidence they wouldn't be able to do anything and basically it was my responsibility to deal with it. The officer didn't seem very interested in helping me and didn't want to even knock on the neighbors door because he had no power to do anything in this case.
I got the pleasure of shoveling them into a garbage can which is now in my front yard by the curb but trash pickup is not for another 6 days.
Should I just let this go? | My neighbor moved 3 dead raccoons from his front yard into my fenced back yard. What do I do? |
t3_4kxc7a | legaladvice | (US - IL) Side Job Not Complete - Paid in Cash | I'll try to keep this brief. I live in IL and my house needed a new roof. A guy that lives next to my parents does side work. He came over, gave me an estimate of $4k total ($2k for labor, $2k for materials), told me what to buy, said he could have the job done in three days. His wife/girlfriend came with him and my husband was home as well.
I purchased all the materials and gave him $1k in cash up front, as agreed upon. The job was not complete in three days, and on Monday it rained and my roof leaked since there was only felt over it. He had PROMISED me that it wouldn't leak. He was there Tuesday and Wednesday to finish the job. Wednesday morning there was just clean up and a few odds and ends to take care of. I paid him the remainder of the cash,as he told me everything would be done by the time I got home from work.
Everything was NOT done by the time I got home from work. My driveway wasn't cleaned (so I couldn't park in it), I had TV cable wires hanging off my house, pipes needed to be painted, shingles needed to be returned (I can't lift them) and the ceiling in my garage needed to be painted still. He told me he would be by several times and never showed. Finally this past weekend (two weeks later) he finished most of his work, except painting the ceiling and returning the shingles.
It's been two days and he's completely ignoring my calls and text messages. I have no idea what to do. Do I have any legal recourse? I have the bank records of withdrawing the cash as well as the receipts for the materials, but the actual "contract" was verbal.
My parents have told me that he has been home and my dad said he would go talk to him tomorrow for me. This is going on three weeks now and I have held up my end of the deal and paid him. I'm very frustrated - I shouldn't have paid him without everything being done. I was too trusting and I'll never make that mistake again. But for now - I need to get my ceiling fixed and I don't know what to do. | Guy who does side work messed up my garage ceiling and won't return my calls to tell me when he'll be here to finish everything. I paid him in cash, all agreements were verbal. |
t3_2lu11e | tifu | TIFU by getting a boner at the worst time possible. | I'm in law school, and here at my university we have a service that I have no idea how to translate to english. Basically people that can't afford a lawyer or are in dobt about what to do on something come to see a real lawyer for free, and we, law students watch it to understand things better and know how we will work in the future. Last friday I was on one watching one of this sessions on a really small room. It barely had space for the client and the lawyer to sit so I had to stand. The client that day was a woman, and she was asking what to do because her husband had hit her last night and forcibly had sex with her. The story was really sad, because she still loved him, was scared and a lot of stuff that is too sad. My GF started texting me, and she was quite horny. I told her that I was busy and she didn't text me anymore. But after 5 minutes she sends me a pic of her. I'm not going into details but I must say she knows exactly what turns me on, and that photo got me with my guard down. I suddenly got probably the most unfortunate boner of my life while the client was talking about how her husband had ripped her clothes last night. I tried to hide, but the woman saw it and thought I was hard because of her. She started yelling at me, calling me a lot of bad names. In a act of stupidity worth of a prize I showed her my cellphone and said "see? it's my girlfriend, not you" but it only made things worse. She then talked to the provost, and I was explaining myself during the next two hours or so. And to make things even worse my GF found it funny and started to spread this event to everybody at the university. Now I'm being called by all boner related nicknames. | got a hard on while a woman was telling how she her husband has violent with her, I made her feel bad and now I'm know as king of bonerland and the Game of Boners writer. |
t3_36xwlw | tifu | TIFU by sleeping with my ex's cousin accidentally | So, just a few weeks ago, I and my girlfriend of 6 years broke up. We just needed to get away from each other for awhile, we had differences and had a lot of personal growth that we need to achieve, the relationship had major problems.
Anyways, I was pretty crushed for the first week or two after the break up, so I did what everyone tells you not to do. I sought out some partners for epic post break up sex. I met this girl online, we met up at a hookah bar, had a great time, went back to my place and had some of the best sex I've ever had in my life.
Jump forward 2 more weeks, I finally decide to add this girl on facebook (we'd only texted thus far). FUCK. What I see makes my heart stop. The girls last name is Ga*****, the same last name as my ex's moms maiden name.
It can't be, I thought fanatically to myself. No, there are 40,000 people at my college, and 10 million in the state. It is not possible that I randomly have been hooking up with the relative of my ex, only weeks after the break up.
In a panic, I message my best friend (my ex's roommate) about the situation. After telling me she's never going to let me live this down, she confirms with my ex that they are related.
I have no idea what to do now. I already know her whole family, her profile pictures are full of places I've been with my ex (her cousin!). I am completely dumbfounded about what to do, and how to move forward. | I fucked up by hooking up with a girl after my breakup and then after two weeks finding out she is related to my ex. |
t3_14zwnp | BreakUps | we officially ended things last night, initiated no contact...now I(22F) can't stop thinking of things I want to say to him(22M). Help? | Last week he (22m) ended the ~3mos relationship with me (22F) saying that his heart just wasn't in it anymore. It was an ugly conversation and we both left feeling awful about it. The next day his grandfather passed away and I was there for him through it (I know, this is probably a mistake). Anyway, last night we finally had the chance to sit and talk everything out.....
We had been seeing each other long distance (about 2 hours) so this conversation took place on the phone. We talked for over 3 hours. At the end of it all it came out that he still very much had feelings for me and didn't want to be alone, but he still felt breaking up was the "right thing" to do. He has a lot of personal issues to work through as well. We agreed we shouldn't speak to each other in the foreseeable future and the phone call ended with us both in tears.
Now, all I can do is think of things I should have said. Maybe if I had said these things in this way he would have changed his mind and realized it wasn't the "right thing". I'm just so lost and confused and would appreciate any kind of.....advice? consolation? I just want to stop blaming myself for not saying the right thing.
To top it off, I just started a 2 month unemployment stint until my next job starts. So I'm feeling very much alone and vulnerable with absolutely no one to talk to. That scares me. | Boyfriend dumped me, admitted to still having feelings for me but still wanted to end things. Blaming myself for not saying the right things and scared of being alone. |
t3_4t5d5u | relationships | Am I[20M] being too harsh to my GF[19F] because I see thing from different perspective than she does | the situation:
my gf has just finished high school, and she wanted to go to the best university in the country to study there.
In the high school, she had above average grades, but she wasn't grade A student although when she had to study, she studied enough.
And now, requirements to get accepted to uni, are grades, tests on a country level in 3 main subjects and preliminary exam in desired university. Those elements make for a final score.
Not all tests make an equal percentage in the final score. She knew that she has to study math the most, because it is the hardest test of them all, but she had studied math for 2 weeks, which is certainly not enough. I kept repeating to her that she has to study more, a lot more, but she just laughed it off.
The preliminary exam was the test of intelligence for which you can't study, but you can look at few of them, and you can get lucky and solve it very good, which some people did and she didn't.
And now, she is isn't accepted to her desired university to study there because other people were better than her and she is crying all day and all night how it is not fair that she didn't get accepted although she is better in some tests than other people, but those people are better when looking altogether, they have better final score.
I am trying to comfort her, be supportive, but I keep saying to her that she had to study harder and longer, that she didn't study enough and now she is mad at me because I am not supporting her(O.o). She did get accepted to other universities in the same city as her desired uni, to study something similar but not the same.
Am I too harsh because I see things the way they are, should I not see the real picture and just be supportive, agree with her view? | GF didn't get accepted to desired uni, blames the luck and unfair system although I think that she had to study harder and longer, and now she is mad at me. |
t3_2gey6j | relationships | I know that I [23 M] need to break up with my girlfirend [19F] of 9 months, but I just can't do it. | The relationship is healthy and amazing, but I know that we are moving in opposite life directions. I want to move back to where I'm from, she wants to stay settled here. I'm going to be going to grad school within the next two years, which will probably be out of state from where we're living, while she will still be in undergrad. It's so difficult facing the reality of the situation, because I really love her and don't want to end things, but looking into the future I know that I'm just dragging this on until the inevitable happens. I'm not sure how to go about this. | In a great relationship, but our futures are conflicting, not sure what to do/how to end things as painlessly as possible. |
t3_ezj7p | relationship_advice | Delete from Facebook, 6 months in? | Hi, my ex broke up with me about 6 months ago. We were together for six years, since I was 16 years old. It was a hard thing to go through emotionally. My mind was OK with it but heart would not let it go. I believe she fell in love with somebody else but she never gave me a reason other then that she learned all she could from me and she had to be on her own.
After a week of making some mistakes such as promising to change and just being pathetic, I accepted her decision and broke off all contact. I received two contacts from her since where she was wondering what I was doing and if I was OK. I replied in short sentences and always ended with 'all the best'.
Since then I been going to the gym daily. I changed my lifestyle and became a lot more ambitious. I realized I was alone, and it was scary at first. Before i would play video games all day, now i play video games but I am also active in my community. I started dance classes and I am president of two clubs at my college. I filled up the void.
This is where where I am conflicted. I kept her on my Skype & Facebook. I always felt burning things from Ex girlfriends and such tactics did not help much, I saw deleting people from social media in same light. It did cause me discomfort sometimes when i saw her come online, but i always just ignored it. Eventually I just hid all her posts and pictures from my wall. This did a lot of good.
I feel a big part of me getting better was looking towards the future and being a better person then the one she left. I feel i am constantly improving and will not stop any time soon. I want to live well, and that made me forgive her betrayal. I have no hopes of her wanting to reconciling any more, too much time has passed. I am wondering if deleting her is the right thing to do now? I don't think of her as much, but i still feel sad when if i let my mind wonder. What are your thoughts? | I never deleted my ex from Facebook, . and used that as a motivation to improve. It still motivates me not to stop improving. Is that the way? |
t3_1q4r92 | AskReddit | Older couples, how has your SO changed since their late 20's? | I have the best girlfriend. We are in our late 20's. She's beautiful, funny, and perfect for me. We plan on growing old together blah blah you get me here... But she has a few wild hairs, flaws in my eyes, that she still has in her system. It's extremely hard for me to look past them and they have definitely been causing ripples in our relationship the past year. Things I knew about getting into this but I thought I could handle that I really can't. I know these things will pass though once she gets older and I don't want to risk losing the love of my life for things that won't be there in 10 years. Any advice? I'm not trying to get super deep here, there is just no one older I can talk to about this. Just looking for some short and sweet words of wisdom. | I think I'm in love with my SO for who she is going to be in 10 years and not who she is now. |
t3_53kibr | relationships | My GF[18] often points out hot men and this is making me[18 M] sad. | Hey all, err new user here and this is my first post.
Me and my GF have been together for nine months now. She is a lovely girl, quite pretty too if I might add.
She often (2-3) times a day points out other hot guys. She likes muscly guys as expected. Now, I'm fine with the fact that she is attracted to other men. The problem is that she is making it too apparent.
1.
For example, we are watching a movie and then a big shirtless muscly guy is there and she says "pity he has pants on" and laughs.
2.
Just today we were watching TV and then came the advertisements. There was an ad about a gym with several muscly guys and she gave out a few short moans (e.g. oooohh).
3.
We went to the circus and out of the hundred pictures she captured, at least 90 of the photos the male entertainers (shirtless again) were in it.
4.
Then we were talking and her crush celebrity came up. I asked whether she would have sex with him. With a short pause she replied that she would be cussing at me because she can't have sex with him because she's in a relationship with me...
5. I asked her which part did she like most at the circus, she said the one with the four guys in it. And yes, all four of them were muscly and without a shirt...
The most common example is where she says "that guy is hot" usually when we're watching a video together.
When she does these things I understand that this is what she likes and wants. But the feeling that I cannot provide that for her is just getting my mood down constantly. It's just so depressing to be reminded constantly. I feel like I'm not good enough for her.
Yes, I will talk to her about it. But what do you think, should I be feeling this way or should I get over it?
I apologize in advance if I wrote something wrong, or if this is in the wrong section. Do forgive, first post. | My GF often points out hot men on TV, live or fb videos and this is making me quite sad. Should I just get over it? |
t3_1lu136 | relationships | I (25M) was planning a romantic adventure with a girl (21) I have a crush on, but she now wants to bring her friends. | So, I've been having several false starts with this particular girl over the past few months. I've ask her out a few times in the past, but she seemed to interpret all of them as strictly platonic. I didn't push the romantic issue because (a) I was chickenshit and (b) she was going to be away over the summer and I didn't want to force anything for the short amount of time we had.
Now that she's back, I was hoping to finally see if she was interested in a romantic relationship of some kind. I had previously asked her if she wanted to go to a particular event we both had expressed mutual interest in, during which time I had hoped to express at least some of my feelings for her and gauge how interested she is in me romantically.
However, she still seems to be interpreting this as purely platonic, since today she messaged me asking if it would be okay to bring some of her friends (whom I don't know) along with us. I don't have a huge issue with taking her friends somewhere, but this sort of throws a wrench in my initial plan.
If I say no, I'll look like a dick. If I tell her the reason I want it to be just her and I, that might be a bit anti-climactic in terms of me expressing my feelings (we're communicating via text at the moment.) | Interested in a girl, recently arranged an outing for the two of us, but now she wants to bring her friends which will make it difficult for me to express my feelings for her. |
t3_xpbjf | relationships | Confused by sudden feelings for ex-boyfriend, should this affect my current relationship? | I am 19F currently in a pretty serious relationship with a guy I met in college 10 months ago (he's 20). I have had nothing but good times with him and I can see this relationship lasting for a really long time. However, I recently got hit with some extreme nostalgic feelings for my high school bf, my first love, whom I dated for almost 3 years. He showed up in a dream where we awkwardly tried to reconcile (we haven't talked much since I started dating my current bf), nothing sexual, just talking about the past, and I woke up thinking damn, it would be nice to talk to him. Then a picture of him showed up on a friend's facebook and I was struck by how frigging attractive I still find him.
Since then I can't stop thinking about how awesome our relationship was and all the little things I miss. I can't really compare him to my new bf because they are such different people and the maturity level of the relationships are so far apart, but I just can't help thinking that I wish my current bf was more like my ex in some ways (for example, god I wish he was confident like my ex was!).
These feelings are totally new, we've been dating for 9 months and I haven't seen my ex for about that amount of time. I did just return home (where ex lives) for the rest of the summer, so maybe that triggered it? I just don't know what it means; I can't stop thinking about my ex and it's making me feel so guilty. I know it wouldn't be reasonable in any way to get back together with him, that's not even crossing my mind as a possibility, but I just can't stop thinking about him and the vast difference between him and my current beau.
So my question is reddit, is this showing something about the state of my current relationship? Or is it normal and nothing to be worried about? | Happily in a steady relationship, suddenly started intensely missing my ex. Is it possible that I'm not as happy as I thought? |
t3_wmlcp | relationships | Wife only gets turned on by romance and during very small windows of time. On top of that, she's just not that interested in sex. | She is a very emotional person and for her it is always about the romance and emotions. Unfortunately for me, I typically prefer a much more primal grope and fuck session. I also have a much more active sex drive.
To further complicate things, she is NEVER in the mood for morning sex as she is too tired then (whereas I always wake up with a boner). She's most horny in the afternoons, but we both work and I typically get home late. After we're done with dinner, she's ready for bed, and I typically have to get some downtime playing computer games to decompress (since that is how I recharge) and then she is asleep when I come in the bedroom. She's rarely horny in the evening anyways.
I've tried getting her to buy slutty outfits at sex stores, but she gets really pissy about it and completely ruins the whole experience by telling me how trashy it looks and criticizing me for liking that kind of thing.
I'm getting pretty fed up with this and really can't help it if the majority of time I just want to fuck and get my rocks off. Romance is fine every now and then, but I really have a hard time feeling the least bit romantic when I'm this sexually frustrated.
Where do I go from here Reddit?! | My wife is nowhere near as sexual as I am and doesn't seem to have much interest despite what I've tried, and I'm not getting what I need out of that side of our relationship which is causing me endless frustration. |
t3_34wdn2 | tifu | TIFU by getting stoned and eating too much two nights in a row... | Morning #1 - I awake with a start, my stomach aches that certain ache that means but one thing... No need for coffee to get ol' bowels going. No, it appears I ate far too much last night and things need to clear out to make room to finish digesting. I've been down this road before, I will survive.
Atop my morning throne things start with an authoritative burst, I am at the will of my bowels for a few seconds before the seas calm... Things hurt a bit. They still do. That was a burst this buttocks was not meant to handle, but in time all wounds heal.
Morning #2 - Despite my best efforts the stoned munchies won again. I managed to eat a reasonable amount the night before, the memories of the battle lost that morning still fresh in my mind. All I am fighting this morning is a overly gaseous system, or so I thought. As I get up to check the laundry, I fart and take my first step.
Oh no. OH NO. I run upstairs to change & clean what needs to be cleaned. In my haste I kick a shoe across the room, the bong spills its weeks old water out onto the wood floors.
I am a defeated man. | Got high, ate too much, pooped too much. Got high, ate a little less, sharted and spilled a bong. |
t3_1q5vdu | relationship_advice | FWB texted me casually saying hi and small talk then said she feels preggo in the most casual way, don't know if she's lying, would love advice | Hey girls and guys,
So a monogamous FWB of mine who I hook up with once or twice a week casually texted me saying hi and I miss you. After I initiated conversation she casually said she "feels preggo" as if it was just a normal thing. After I freak out and question her about getting tested, she says she can't get tested until the 15th because of something with her cycle "so there is no use in worrying/freaking out about it". I continue to question her about it and talk about our abortion discussion where she did say several times that if she had ever even gotten pregnant abortion would absolutely be the answer and she might just do it and never even worry me about it. However, when I brought that up she said she doesn't know, doesn't even know if she is pregnant yet and doesn't believe in "taking a life".
I'm in my mid 20's, she's in her mid 30's, previously married, previously engaged to a guy who looked like my doppleganger and apparently has a 12 year old son who she never sees.
I had spoken to one of my close female friends about this and she said that she has personally done the same thing to a guy before. She wasn't pregnant but lonely and would often to in her own words, "crazy shit" for attention like claiming she was pregnant.
She also stated that because she so casually mentioned it, more than likely, she's lying and is hoping to use it as leverage for attention. | FWB said she felt preggo very casually, reneged on abortion, hasn't actually taken pregnancy test yet, female friend says she's just trying to get attention, I don't know what to do. |
t3_2vlj5u | relationships | Me [24 M] with my girlfriend [23 F] 5 years, sudden sexual anxiety | Okay, so I'm 24 and I've been in a relationship for the past five years. Best sex I've ever had. I had a long term relationship before this and also had continuous sex. I've never had an issue getting going and then out of the blue I couldn't get started a few weeks ago with my gf. I had no idea what was going on. I thought I was just stressed form work. We take a five minute break and I'm good to go, it was quick but it was fine.
A week later, we're fooling around after a night of drinking and i'm feeling back to my old self, but it's that time of the month so i settle for a bj. When she's off her period we set up a day to get together and have sex because we both need it. I build it up so much in my head that again I can't get going. I sit there embarrassed feeling awful again for about five more minutes and then I'm able to get up and we have sex.
Ever since that time I haven't been able to stop thinking about it and it's driving me absolutely crazy. I'm terrified that it's going to happen again, but I know that if I keep obsessing over it then it will in fact happen again.
I'm in perfect health. I've been taking l-arginine supplements to increase blood flow (have slightly high blood pressure). I exercise daily and have started meditating and doing yoga. I'm fine when I watch porn and I can jerk off on my own without porn.
I would really appreciate any advice that anyone may have about this because it, obviously, has freaked me out and I need to get over it. I'm an anxious person by nature and that has exacerbated this for sure. Help? | long term relationship with the girl of my dreams and after five years of sex i'm suddenly having trouble getting going because of my obsessive mind |
t3_3upyny | Dogtraining | Shepherd Mix Suddenly Aggressive Towards Other Dogs and Strangers | We have had this beautiful 8 or 9 month old German/Australian shepherd mix dog for about two months now and when we first got her she was great with people and dogs. The only thing she would do is get mad and throw a puppy temper tantrum if I didn't let her say hi. (She would bark, whine, jump all over.) So when she would act this way it would scare the other people except the few that were dog people and wanted to pet her anyway.
I'm not sure what happened, but now she is just barking aggressively towards other dogs and people and won't listen to when I tell her to stop or sit. She will try lunging and jumping and it scares other people badly.
I take her to petco every Thursday for pet training and she's fine with that dog. When I asked the trainer she just told me to put myself in front of the dog to act as a barrier or something and that did nothing. | 8 or 9 month old Shepherd mix be acting crazy and aggressively to other people and other dogs. Need help to fix the problem. |
t3_4lasvj | relationships | Me [21F] with my friend [22 M], I ruined our friendship | Let's call my friend H. We haven't been friends for a long time, maybe for 6-7 months.We have a lot of things in common, starting from simple things like movies, books, food, to more personal things. To be fair, not even with my best friend I have so much in common.
So i started having feelings for him. In the beginning I ignored them but for the last couple of weeks it started affecting me and not in the good way.
I knew he liked to be honest, so I told H that I have feelings for him and we should stop talking for a while. I chose to do that because I didn't want to ghost him and I couldn't see another option. To be fair, I think I made a huge mistake I should've wait a couple of days to think this better.
Is this friendship permanently and completely ruined? I just want an opinion.For now it would be the best to just move on but I would love to start speaking again with H when I will be over him but I don't know if this is a good idea, if he will want to. I already did a stupid thing, I don't want to make things worse. What's the best option? | I told my friend I have feelings for him and we should stop talking for a while and now i don't know what to do next. |
t3_2sj93g | relationships | Serious boyfriend [22M] is a pot dealer. [22F] | Since about the age of 17 (started dating at 20), my boyfriend has smoked weed and even been a middle man for close friends. I [22F] don't smoke anymore but when I did it was pretty infrequent. That being said I have nothing against people who involve themselves with marijuana.
Anyway for the past month or so he has been selling weed a lot lately and making a lot of money. He invested in a plant and now is "reaping the rewards." I hate it. I hate the fact that he is at higher risk for getting in trouble with the law and also that it will sometimes get in the way of our plans together. We have talked about it a lot but he think its unreasonable for me to get frustrated with the situation.
He wants to grow it legally when he's older and although thats better than illegally, if we do get married and have kids I don't want them to live in an environment like that.
It sucks because he always tries to prove that there is nothing wrong with that idea and he's so good at wording his logic that I start to even question myself but I feel deep down that I don't want that. I'm frustrated. Is there any compromise that we could work out, at least for the near future? Help. | i am somewhat uncomfortable with my bf's involvement in selling pot as well as his future desires to be involved in legal distribution and I am looking for a reasonable compromise that we can make. |
t3_1qngh3 | relationships | Me [16 M] with my girlfriend [16 F] of almost a year, starting to feel attraction for another girl. | Now I know at this age hormones are very much still a swaying factor but I want the same advice you would give to someone older than me in the same situation.
For the past almost year my girlfriend and I have been dating it has been nice. We do couple-y things and all the like. Not once have I really looked at another girl and had any feelings for her past the very skin deep things you feel for other people.
At least I hadn't until recently, our one year anniversary is coming up in December and I feel she's more into our relationship than I am. Not to say I'm done with the relationship or her but my feelings have sorta flat-lined where as hers haven't. Also recently I've been talking more and more with one of my few close lady friends and have begun to feel slightly attracted to her.
We have a class in common and most of the time when we aren't working in said class we're talking about just whatever. We share quite a few common interests (that I don't share with my current SO but that she accepts are part of me) and joke around about similar things. I haven't been seeing myself and my current SO staying together for too much longer after our one year (for a few various and complicated reasons) and want to know what I should do. Should I cut it off early and let my feelings settle before going ahead or let my current relationship slowly die and then figure out what to do. | Should I cut off my current relationship to let my feelings settle and then (maybe) go after my friend that I'm feeling this for or go back to my SO (after thinking things over)? |
t3_4feei2 | relationships | Me [28 M] with a girl I took on a second date [21 F] may have messed up stuff in the last hours of the date | Ok.
So we are clear. I posted something similar before. However, I tended to rant a little bit and it incoherent. I am adding an actual question here.
I arrive on the date at 10am. The plan was for me to stay overnight (on her sofa) which I did. We kept going until 3am. Couple of kisses, that is it. She stated she was scared about kissing me as she wanted to take things slowly. We had a FANTASTIC amount of fun. It was great.
Then it got to the next morning. She was hungover and not in a mood to talk. I took this to mean that I was boring her (I have issues, don't worry, there are reasons for these issues) and I asked a ton of fucking stupid questions: do you really like me etc. It made my lack of confidence come out.
She still said she wanted to do it again. However, I do not know whether this was because she didn't want to hurt me.
Last part of the date:
1. Hug goodbye. She said "thanks for the amazing weekend"
2. I left. Text her on the bus I had a great time. She responded similar.
3. I apologised for the way I acted. Zero response.
I have had nothing since. Zilch. For the past month, there has not been a single day where she has not texted.
I am of the opinion that I fucked stuff up...drastically.
Do I reach out to her, or do I let her contact me? I was the last to text (it was the apology) | I had an amazing date where I let myself down drastically within the last few hours because I didn't believe a girl this amazing could like me. Do I reach out to her, or play the waiting game? |
t3_1c672v | relationships | My [24F] boyfriend [28M] always makes me wait on him...is he not making me a priority or is he just inconsiderate? | My boyfriend and I have been together for 9 months. I always feel like I am waiting on him...like just to come over to his house, he makes me wait. He won't make concrete plans, just "maybe" we will hang out...so I'm left leaving my evening open hoping that he will want to spend time with me. I've addressed the issue, and he's done a better job recently, but there are still times when he will blow me off, or do something else when we had already decided to spend time together. We don't live together, and probably stay together 3 nights a week. Just not sure how to address it without seeming too needy or clingy. I just want to spend time with him, and I feel like he is being inconsiderate. | My boyfriend makes it hard to spend time with him, and I always find myself waiting around - what should I do? |
t3_2ldaga | relationships | Me [23f] taking a step back in my relationship with my boyfriend [23m]. Has anyone done this and had it work out? | My boyfriend of a year and I are currently in a LDR of a few months. Before he moved we had a really intense relationship and we said we loved each other early on. The month before he moved we spent every waking moment together but we didn't really do much- we kind of just watched a lot of movies.
So he's been gone and it's been alright-ish. The other day he called me and said he didn't feel that romantic love anymore and he was worried about being so serious so quickly. He was also worried that if he committed to me that our lives would be that last month we were together-a lot of nothing. He was open to trying something to get the feelings back so I suggested we stay together but not be so serious (he thought I wanted to get married ASAP which I really don't) and when we DO spend time together we actually do things instead of laying around. I told him I understand work is his priority right now as it's mine too but I think we just lost our connection because we spent no time outside of each other for weeks and we did absolutely nothing with that time. He said we could try it out and see how it goes.
Is this a stupid idea? Am I being too optimistic about this? | Boyfriend and I are making our relationship not so serious because he feels like he's lost the romantic love between us. Does this ever work? |
t3_2y9sd2 | relationships | Me [24 M] with my ex-wife [24 F] were together for about 4-5 years, she's getting remarried. | I've already accepted that my ex-wife and I are not getting together again. I posted a response on here and got two replies telling me to move on. My ex-wife is getting remarried. I asked her friend if she was happy she sent me some pictures that prove that she is. Her friend even told me that she asked him to marry, not the other way around.
I am having trouble getting over her. My family is not much help either. I am in the military and am stuck in A school. I called my parents last night and when I asked my dad to pass me to my mom i overheard her saying to tell me to call her tomorrow. My dad passed her the phone and she didn't sound to happy to hear from me.
On here there are not many girls compared to the amount of guys, and there really isn't much to do here.
I am honestly really depressed and would like some advice on how to get over her. She was really the only one that made me feel like I had family, now that she is gone, it's really hard. I miss her and I want to contact her but I know I'll only get hurt if I do so. Can anyone give me advice here. | Need advice on getting over ex-wife, she wanted to get back together but I pushed her away because she cheated. Now getting remarried and don't know how to cope. Her friend confirmed she is happy. |
t3_11k3we | AskReddit | Anyone here have telepathic abilities? Please help me figure out which song I'm thinking of based on an extremely vague description. | So... I have a tendency to bookmark songs I love and then listen to them on repeat until absolutely overkilling them. Unfortunately, I didn't have a chance to overkill song X, because a few months ago, my hard drive crashed and I didn't have my bookmarks backed up. Today, I woke up, and had the melody of the song stuck in my head. It made me so happy. It was like finding a long-lost part of myself. Unfortunately, I'm an idiot, so I procrastinated until I no longer had the melody in mind. I've spent the entirety of today trying to remember it or the song title, but to no avail. It's literally driving me crazy. So... if anyone has the powers of trans-electronic telepathy, please help me out. Literally the only things I know about this song is that it is up-beat, current (like within the last five years), indie/alternative, possibly British, findable on YouTube, and that I was in love with it for a good week before it was taken away from me. If anyone hits the bull's eye on this, I will give you a sincere heartfelt compliment. Thank you all, and good luck. | Guess which up-beat, current, possibly British song I used to love but can no longer find for a sincere heartfelt compliment. |
t3_3lnnku | relationships | How do I tell a coworker [19F] who used me for her own benefit [22M] to back off? | I started working with a coworker at the beginning of summer on a project together.
She basically was very flirty with me. Me, being the dumb guy I am, developed a crush on her and went out of my way to ensure that she benefitted as much out of the project as possible. Anyways, in early August, she ended up accidently slipping that she had a boyfriend and things turned really awkward between us (e.g. not talking anymore). She guilt-tripped me into thinking that everything was my fault and I dumbly accepted it to save our friendship.
We both took vacation off from mid-August to the beginning of September and now we're only working together 1 day a week, but do bump into each other occasionally.
During my vacation, I was able to get over her and by the end of the vacation, I really don't want to interact with her again because of the way she played me. I was more than satisfied with her out of my life.
Anyways, we've started meeting a couple of weeks ago. I avoided talking to her as much as possible. She was very persistent to interact and flirt with me again, to the point where she acted all teary-eyed when I mentioned my cheerleader friend to another co-worker.
I'm starting to think about her again, even though I know my life would be much better without any interactions with her. How do I signal to her to leave me alone without being called out as not a team player and/or receiving a talk from HR? | Girl used me for her own advantages this summer and now wants to be "friends" again. I don't want to interact with her. How do I tell her to back off professionally? |
t3_4i2poy | relationships | Me [22 M] with my Ex gf[20 F] of 3.5 years, we're trying to work things out and she thinks I cheated on her. | So we had a rough patch almost 2 months ago, and she dumped me. She was stressed out with work, school, parents, etc. She likes taking things out on me without realizing, but that isn't the problem.
She fucked up big time, and she knows it. She's sorry for being a bitch before and after breaking up with me and for all the double standards she had. We were working on fixing ourselves and our insecurities and such, and we were doing great. Then one day she wants a break and 3 days later we are done again. Out of the blue with no explanation. She drops off some of my stuff a week later including pictures of us from the whole relationship and even valentine's and bday cards I had gotten her. Dick move on so many levels.
She said "she heard" that I had been talking with other girls even when we were together. I denied it because it wasn't true. She didn't believe me so eventually I said she was just coming up with shit to feel better about leaving me. We get into it one day and she gave me everything because "I cheated" and she didn't want it. She finally told me where she heard it from and it came from a card reader that her aunt likes to go to... She believes this lady she's met 2 times over me that she's known for 7 years and dated for 3.5 years. I've been honest with her since before we got together and she knows it, yet she is still inclined to take the card reader's word over mine. I'm pissed!
Is there any reason why I should stay? Am I over reacting? If this blows over is it just going to happen again further down the road making it that much harder? I thought she was the one until this bitch started feeding her lies, and I've been right with my gut feelings with everything so far. And right now it's telling me that even if we work out and get married and have kids this card reader will come up again and break us again.
Thoughts??? | Ex GF and I were working things out and close to getting back together. Card reader said I cheated on her and my Ex GF believes her. Thoughts? |
t3_uarud | relationships | I am in a relationship with someone I *know* I am not going to marry. When do you break the relationship when the problem is long term and not immediate? | I am living with my girlfriend of just over a year. I care about her very much. I care about here well being, her job, and her life (a life of many troubles before she met me).
The problem is, as great of friends that we are, I know I do not want to marry her, and that the relationship is not going to evolve towards marriage (for me). I just know she is not the one. We're both in our early 30's and live in a new city together. I know she is deeply in love with me, as I am security and strength for her, and that she is truly in love. I respect that, which makes this a hard choice:
Do I wait until the *best time for her* (a time where she's more financially secure than she is now, maybe has more friends in the area, etc), and let things continue as they are, knowing that I am resistant to deeper feelings? or do I tell her immediately, which would devastate her and leave her feeling friendless, optionless, and w/o any security in her life? (and she'd have to live with me, thus adding to the pain).
Thank you for your advice. | I live with a girlfriend that i know is not the ONE. I want to do her right by ending it when she is able to be on the strongest footing possible, but is that the right decision? |
t3_3imop0 | relationships | Me [27F] with my boyfriend [31M] of almost a year, is it weird to ask him to move in already? | My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year and so far things have been pretty great! Obviously we have had some arguments here and there but our communication is on point, we have a great time together, and have very similar lifestyles and goals. Over the past few months I have noticed him and I do things like split grocery costs, he helps me clean my apartment without me asking, and we both share equal responsibilities of my cat who I got at the same time we started dating. He also sleeps at my apartment 5-7 days a week.
Lately we have both been struggling financially because we both pay a ton of money in rent, bills and student loans. It's almost impossible to really save money if we are living paycheck to paycheck and admittedly we both have a tendency to over spend. The idea of us moving in together has really been swimming around in my head because in my mind it really makes sense. We spend almost every day together, we already "play house", and we both want to save money. I don't really see the point of him paying for a 1 bedroom apartment he barely uses unless he has to finish up an art project (he's a comic book artist).
I really love this man and I can see us having an incredible life together. My fear is moving in too soon and having it ruin our great relationship. I also don't want to bring up something if it's too soon. Should I ask him to move in with me? If so...how do I go about it? | I want to move in with my boyfriend of almost a year because I love being with him and we could both use a break in bills. I'm scared its too soon! |
t3_4jk7ub | relationships | Me [21 M] can't stand my best friend's [23 M] other friends. | So I've known this guy for about 3 years now. Met online during a skype call and we're pretty close (despite living across the world). We talk whenever we can, which is usually 3 times a week or so, and despite not never seeing eachother in person, I would consider him my best friend.
However, his IRL friends are kinda... well, all of them (with the exceptions of maybe 1) are douchebags. Entitled, openly bigoted, moronic. The sort of people that will shift the blame for their problems onto anyone else they can.
Tonight they randomly showed up at his place, helped themselves to his food, complained about said food then used his PC to download porn from a dodgy website while he wasn't watching and tried spin the blame back at him when his PC started freaking out. "You should have better Anti-Virus software." They told him.
I want to travel to the US so I can finally hang out with him and have started saving money but I don't feel confident I'll enjoy spending time with him if at any random moment these "friends" will show up. I've butted heads with them before through skype and I doubt things would go smoothly in person.
I don't think my friend is a bad person. I also think deep down he doesn't want to associate with these people anymore but he's deeply afraid of confrontations so he let's people walk over him. I was told by another friend "If someone keeps bad company, maybe you shouldn't talk to them." I don't want do that if I don't have to. I feel like we're too close to suddenly just cut him off. | Online best friend has douchebag IRL friends I can't deal with. Do I cancel my plans to visit him or should I even still be friends with him? |
t3_24k3fh | relationships | I [20M] broke up with long distance girlfriend [20F] of about a year. How do I move on? | I broke up with my long distance girlfriend of about a year, 5 weeks ago. I did it exclusively because of the distance. Living 700 miles apart was too much of a wear on me and I didn't want to lead her on so I broke up with her. I loved her, still do, and I'm having a really hard time pulling myself out of a well of constant depression.
I sort of feel like trying to find some rebound action, but I don't think I'm really ready for that, as I still really miss and love my ex. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. | I broke up with my girlfriend of about 1 year 5 weeks ago; because we are too far apart for me to be happy. How do I move on? |
t3_31f7qz | relationship_advice | I got a strange text from an old HS friend. How do I go about this. [M21] [F21] | A good close friend of mine got involved with a dude and eventually moved in with him. She has always been independant and hardworking. I come into the picture because I was her none sexual male friend. We would always hang out in middle school but HS we had our own thing going on. However during art class and on our own time we would always hug and do things couples do except kiss and sex l,(except one time bit that was a spir of the moment thing.) Things we did, involved giving each other backrubs, hug it out, and even talk about what things to do with our current SOs. We were wern't together just the occasional wholesome "here and there". I was in sports and she did her own thing. So by the time we. graduated I was busy with school applications etc and well idk what she really did and that was it. I eventually got in contact with here and I found out she had found someone cool and had eventually moved in. Which brings us to present day, she texted me after months since our last message a.d asked how I had been. After. pleasantries she went straight forward to "We should hang out soon" "lunch and whatever movie I wanted" She then mentioned she was single as her relationship crashed and burned. Not weird at all until she asked if I was single too. My mind ended up wondering about a potential for real good sex as she is a gorgeous fair skinned tall beauty. Although her mind leagues ahead of mind and she has never been easy but was open minded and trusting with me. What approach should I take. I was always able to make her laugh and maybe she needs me in that way. Or maybe she needs rebound or stress relief. I'd hate to sound primative but im not to sure of what I should do, due to her signs/behavior. | A highschool treasure, came back into my life after her breakup with her SO and I think she wants my affection again. |
t3_2i54qj | relationships | Me [18 M] with my Muslim girlfriend [18F] of one year, some issues about religion and sexuality | Hi /r/relationships!
So, I've dated my girlfriend now for a year. We're both quite serious and really enjoy one another's company. We talk about being together for as long as we can quite often.
We haven't had sex - she's a practicing muslim, but we've done sexual acts (non penetrative) throughout the relationship. She sometimes talks about how *much* she wants it and how she really doesn't fundamentally agree with the prohibition on sex.
The way she explains it to me is that Islam makes perfect sense when applied to the world in which it was conceived of. Women and slaves were treated awful, Islam provided them liberation. People were getting married so young that waiting until marriage was hardly difficult and ultimately the lack of contraception in the more recent past protected young people from unwanted pregnancy. But today, people are marrying much later and sex can be separated from its reproductive capacity. We often talk about this, and how many aspects of Islam she really doesn't agree with for similar reasons, but she accepts that she has been indoctrinated from a young age with the idea that sex is ***BAD*** and only for married adults.
Do you folks have any advice or any feedback on how to help her through this? I don't want her to lose her religion as I respect it immensely and even occasionally read the Quran myself to try and learn more about it and imagine if I were to eventually convert for her. (something I'd need to do at least officially for her to retain a relationship with her family + tribe) On the other hand, I want to have sex with her, she wants to have sex with me, and I think he opinion of the religion as guidelines one can adapt to fit their context and position in life is actually quite beautiful and really appealing to me.
Thanks! | My girlfriend's religion conflicts with her sexuality, she represses it quite a bit and I'm not sure how to help her... |
t3_xne9z | AskReddit | Reddit, Whats the most inappropriate thing you've ever said regarding to the time or place? | Well, in 8th grade, we were taking our Washington D.C/ New York City trip.
We were visiting the Holocaust Museum in Washington D.C when me and a friend get in a bit of a argument. It was some stupid teenage boy argument. We took it kind of serious for what ever reason and got some what mad at each other. But it comes time to go into the Museum and get in tour groups with our friends.
But fast forward to the end, I have seen the museum now and I enjoyed the experience. Im just waiting for the rest of our class to finish the tour and regroup and we be on our way. But before they all finished some of my friends came up and asked what happened. I just said to let it be and don't mind and they just sat next to me. But since they guy I got in a argument with was friends with them to, he sat down next to them. As soon as he sits down he's says something that was what annoying enough to get a response out of me. (Cant remember what he said, all of this was awhile ago.)
But before I tell you what I said to him I must just mentioned he had very black curly hair.
But after whatever he said, I stand up, look at him, and say "Shut up you Jewed haired annoyance" and I walk away. Not even a second later I realized what I have said and were I have said it. And to top it, my Jewish friend was sitting right next to me and heard it.
I don't have a thing out for people of the Jewish faith, in fact my mother is jewish and I have some good friends that are Jewish. It just so happened to just slipped out at the worst place *possible*. | Called my curly haired friend a "Jewed haired annoyance" in the Holocaust Museum in front of my Jewish friend. |
t3_1y3vr8 | relationships | My (30/F) boyfriend (30/M) is ugly. | I've never cared about looks really. It's safe to say every person I've ever dated was minimum weird looking, because personality always meant so much more to me. Getting to know somebody I love makes them more beautiful to me.
My current boyfriend and I have been dating about 5 months. I'm really into him, he's an amazing person with great morals, ethics, sense of humor, goals in life, etc. I recently introduced him to my 4 year old and he's so amazing with her.
But I'm under no illusion that he's conventionally attractive. His face and a good amount of his upper body are covered in acne scars. His ears are slightly deformed. He has a lazy eye. He's balding. I know my friends and family are seriously questioning "what the hell" I'm doing with him, and as easy as it is to say "I don't give a shit what anybody else thinks," I'm finding that I'm having a difficult time handling their reactions. I'm really hoping there are people who have experienced something similar to this, because I'd love advice on how to handle the reactions of friends and family who think I could "do better".
It makes me feel shitty that their comments affect me at all, but these are people I care about and love (parents included). I want to be able to attend functions and events with my boyfriend and not have everybody whisper about us. | friends and family question my choice in wanting to be with somebody who is not attractive, I'd love tips on how to handle them. |
t3_20awj1 | relationship_advice | I [25/m] am a jerk, and my co-worker/crush [21/f] hates me. | I've been working with this girl at my work for about eight months now. She's one of those smart girls who I usually assume is pretty by the book. We're tutors, and all I've ever seen her do is teach math, smile, be professional, etc. I thought she was nice, but the more I got to know her, the more into her I was. She's transferring to another place to work, so I've been trying to get closer to get her number, maybe ask her out for coffee when she goes.
She has a tattoo on the inside of her wrist. I didn't know until she took off the bracelet she always wears, and we got on the subject of tattoos. I was seriously shocked she had one, because she honestly seemed like the "good girl" type. Her tattoo was even of a guy's name, and I thought I'd be funny (stupid fucking me) and jokingly ask if it was the name of her ex. She said no, and I pushed and joked that if it was for an ex she didn't have to be embarrassed, whatever. I didn't drop it. I'm a dick.
Crush clocks out, and then tells me it was for her son. I (stupid stupid me) said, "son? You have a son, and you got a tattoo of his name? Seems kind of overly attached."
"Yeah well, I got it when he died two years ago." That was all she said, but the look she gave me was just terrible. I have felt like a dick all week, and she hasn't spoken to me since. What do I do? She literally walks away any time I enter the room. | Insulted crush's tattoo - it was for her dead son, and I don't know what to say to her now and she won't come near me. |
t3_1ep5a1 | dating_advice | [24/F] We are polar opposites. Can it work? | A few weeks ago I was introduced to a whole new group of friends through one of my girlfriends. I've known about this group for a while as her boyfriend is a part, but never met them as they weren't really my kind of people. They're very rural, country, drive big trucks, go fishing, have keg parties, 'bro' kind of guys. I'm very artsy, big-city, borderline hipster and I just saw no point in trying to get to know them as we'd have nothing in common.
But over the past two weeks I've hung out with this group. We play on a bar league sports team together, go out for drinks and have had house parties we all attended. I started crushing on one of them. He [27] was very much my type, even though he's actually not my type at all. Cocky, sarcastic, hilarious and loud with a gap in his teeth (swoon) and a ginger bear (double swoon). My best friend told me not to bother - he was way too different from any guy I've ever had interest in or dated. That kind of made me even more intrigued - as I've had plenty of failed relationships with punk rockers, tattoo artists, musicians and the like over the past 7 years.
Over this last weekend, he and I were at the same party with this new group of people. It went into the wee hours of the morning and I invited him back to my place. He agreed, we went back, talked, did the nasty, talked more and that was that.
We have talked since, and I will be seeing him every week until late-July. I'm wondering if it's worth trying to make something out of it. Or if we're so different that it might just be a bad idea. | how different is TOO different when it comes to dating someone? I've only every really stuck to people I've had a lot in common with. Are there any success stories here of polar opposites working out? |
t3_4krm6v | relationships | Me [21 M] with my SO [21 F] of 8 months, unsure if I am comfortable with her dress code around her guy friends. | Throw away account...
My SO and I have a good relationship. Never had any complaints and such with how things are going. We rarely fight but once in a while we get into an argument of some sorts.
Recently she has been looking for a new place to stay for school and is gathering people to split the cost of living in a home. Cool I am all for it and I trust her completely to make the right decisions, but one thing that makes me uncomfortable recently is that she tends to wear the lack of pants at home.
It is totally fine for her to not wear pants at home, it is not me to judge what you do. She does this all the time since her current roommates are cool with it and they are all girls. The thing that is bothering me now currently is the fact that she will potentially be having guy roommates soon and she has some guy friends that she is close with.
We were joking around one day about her dislike of wearing pants and I mentioned its cool other than if guys were over. She laughed and said that "yeah unless it depends who, like guys I know and what not and then I don't wear them because I don't care."
I found this a bit odd. A lot of guys like her and she is a great girl to be around, she is currently hanging and talking a lot to this guy younger than us and it makes me uncomfortable thinking about her walking around in her underwear/thong with guys around. Not that its wrong but it makes me uncomfortable because why would I want other guys to see that part of my girlfriend?
My question to you guys is if its okay that I am uncomfortable with this? I havnt brought it up with her but it is bugging me and I have been thinking about it for the rest of the day. Am I the one that is over reacting or should I mention something?
Just needed some clarification, thanks. | Uncomfortable about my SO wearing no pants around guys and her future roommates. Is it okay for me to be uncomfortable and uneasy of the situation? |
t3_4hzaqw | Advice | I used to be a top student and now I'm lazy and mediocre- how do I regain that motivation? | I'm 21 and almost done with my degree but I'm really struggling to get it done or do much of anything productive/educational at all.
In high school (and before that), I was a stellar student. I mean like going to the top school in the state, getting straight A's in honors AP classes, getting 5's on my AP exams, graduating as salutatorian, etc. During that time I was also an archery state champion and reading a book a week.
Now, four years later I'm three papers and two exams away from getting my degree in Slavic Studies but my motivation and grades have plummeted. I'm passing, I've never gotten lower than a C, but I don't care for my field of study and I've been working on these final papers for over a year (my profs are lenient) with what feels like no end in sight.
I feel like my success in school was due to low self-esteem; I used my grades to feel better and smarter than everyone else. I forced myself to read a lot so I would be cultured and could hold a conversation.
Now, I love myself, which is great, but all my motivation has gone down the drain! No more, "you better do this so you can keep your pristine 4.7 GPA". I feel like writing these papers is an insurmountable task because there's no internal pressure anymore besides "well I guess I better finish eventually ".
In high school, I forced myself through classes I hated with top scores because I just wanted to show off that I could.
How do I regain my motivation and become an A-type personality again? I don't *need* to be that kind of person, but I miss being on top of things and I feel like a lot of my potential is being wasted here. When I feel like reading, I'll read 10 pages and then do some mindless, easier task because my self-discipline is dead. | I was salutatorian in HS, now I'm almost done with my bachelor's and I'm lazy af but I want to go back to being self-disciplined. |
t3_294s95 | relationship_advice | [23/m] took job on east coast after gf [24/f] took job in Midwest. Have I killed the relationship? | My girlfriend and I have known each other for four years, dated for three. We've always been long distance; normally 2 hours away, once from Midwest to East coast for 8 months. It's been hard but we have powered through the struggles. Our time away made our time together stronger. We love each other.
Last month we both graduated and she took a job in Kansas City. I looked for work for months and no opportunities in my home town came through. I did, however, receive a wonderful offer from a company in New York.
Everyone told me I should do it; parents, peers, etc. Because of the great opportunity at hand I accepted and will be moving out there next month.
She is considering moving out there with me at some point...but I'm not 100% sure I want her to do that. Quit her job, move that far to be with me when there's no guarantee we end up getting married etc. As I said before, we were primarily long distance. What if we're miserable when together permanently? Sigh. Have I killed the relationship? | Took a job on the east coast; may have killed my Midwestern relationship...not sure what to do :/ |
t3_zx7id | jobs | 2nd round biz dev interview at foreign start-up | Hey /r/jobs,
Long time lurker, first time poster here. Quick background: I'm an American living in France (got my b-school degree here) and did some work for a bootstrapped start-up that is going under. I've been looking for employment for some time and had a great interview for an entry level biz dev job here. After the interview, which mostly consisted of pleasant conversation and softball questions about my experience, the company itself, etc., they invited me back for a second round interview with the founder. I don't want to screw it up, thus, I am here:
I'd like to know if you have any thoughts about:
1. how poignant should my questions to the founder be? ex: I have some concerns about the business' long term model. Will this make me sound knowledgeable or too full of myself or ____? I assume asking him something like what his favorite color is will result in a short interview.
2. how the environment of the interview will change from the first go-around;
3. whether or not the degree of question difficulty will escalate (and, more specifically, what are the kinds of second-interview questions a biz dev guy can expect?)
That last one is the biggest for me. Any thoughts/input would be **greatly** appreciated, /r/jobs! (wait, am I in the right sub?! Apologies if not) | Second round biz dev interview in foreign city. What types of questions can I expect from the start-up's founder? Cheers! |
t3_2tmx97 | relationships | My [16 F] boyfriends [18 M] dad is incredibly abusive, and I'm afraid its going to affect out relationship more than it already has | My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year, he's incredibly tough and amazing and i love him so much. His dad is crazy, he's irish (so it explains the short temper and alcoholism) and he drinks a lot, but even when he doesn't drink he becomes abusive.
Mostly, he's verbally abusive, but sometimes it can be physical, and it scares me so much. My boyfriend is tough, he's strong and can handle anything, but I can't even count how many times he's called me sobbing because of his father. He will hit him, choke him, and hold him against walls and its always for the silliest things. If his father called him and he doesn't answer right away, he believes its disrespectful, calls him a horrible son and an asshole etc... and this will continue until about 3am when he's ready to pass out.
His mother is the sweetest woman in the world, but she's helpless when these things happen and she can't stick up for her children because his father threatens to leave her when she does.
Its a horrible situation and he's a terrible man, I don't know what to do about it anymore. I can't handle another phone call with a cancellation of plans followed by a river of tears. its heartbreaking. I know i can't call the cops or get involved legally, that would be too much, and I'm afraid to do so. help? | Boyfriends father is very very abusive, his mother can't do anything about it and I don't know how to help. |
t3_4v9zm1 | legaladvice | [NY] Chicago company operates a subsidiary in New York County. Can I sue them in NYC small claims? | I bought a gift card from Online Dealer. They're a well funded startup with decent reputation. Card was slightly discounted, but not moreso than you'd see at a B&M. Order screen makes it sound like the card is issued directly by Retailer, uses Retailer's trademarks, and quotes Retailer's TOS (no expiry, no resale, etc). After delivery, the balance checks out ok.
Surprise surprise, it was hot. Retailer says Online Dealer was not an authorized seller after all -- no better than a dude on Craigslist -- and was within their rights to revoke the card 3 months later. I believe them, FWIW.
Reviewing the Dealer's TOS, there is enough weasel language that I don't expect them to refund me without a fight. Past the window to reverse the CC charge. Mulling options...
* Retailer has physical operations in New York County
* Dealer's TOS has a binding arbitration clause, but expressly **allows** small claims actions
* Dealer is based in Cook County, IL. Disputed $$ is well worth a trip to Chicago, if it came to that, but now the fun wrinkle...
* Dealer has a fully owned subsidiary in New York County!
* Subsidiary operates another gift card business (a former competitor), which I have not interacted with directly. | can I ask the NYC Small Claims Clerk to serve a notice to Dealer at Subsidiary's address? Any better options I've missed? |
t3_vbava | relationships | When is it appropriate to mention moving in together? | Background info: Bf 22, I'm 20f, dating for eight months.
I'm currently living with my brother (22) and our mutual friend (21). My brother and I have been 'moved out' for around three years now and are used to the independent lifestyle. A lot of our mutual friends are finishing up school and looking to move out of their parents', including my boyfriend.
Thing is, my brother, our roommate and I have to move out as of August 1 so I've been looking at a lot of places. My boyfriend recently graduated university and has mentioned moving out a lot, and has also expressed interest in moving into a 4 or 5br house with us and a bunch of our friends.
I'd love to live with him but I don't know if either of us are ready. We have some trouble with communicating serious issues so discussing something like this will get ignored and swept under the rug until I'm forced to bring it up. We both also really like having our own space and I can see having to share a bedroom being difficult.I was also considering he and I living in the same house but with separate bedrooms.
I think he's avoiding mentioning something because I haven't mentioned something, which is making him assume I haven't been thinking about it. Alternatively, I don't think we've been dating long enough to take such a huge leap as we've moved pretty slowly thus far.
Anyway, what I want to know is, what do you have to prepare yourself for upon moving in together? I have a friend who moved in with her bf after about eight months and they are extremely happy, and another friend who did the same and is very unhappy. | Having to move as of August 1, considering asking my boyfriend if he's interested in finding a place with me but not sure how to go about it/if we're ready/what to expect. |
t3_3qzjgs | relationships | I [27F] can't get in the mood with my husband [31M] or even by myself. | I have been so stressed out lately that I haven't been in the mood for sexy times in more than a month.
We are currently in the process of selling our house, moving to another state, and finding new jobs. Our relationship hasn't been in a great place recently. My dogs have been getting sick left and right costing us tons in vet bills. Plus the move and the holidays and everything else have totally drained all of our savings and we've started to rack up debt.
My husband has tried to be understanding and supportive, last night he lit candles, made me a bubblebath, poured me a glass of wine, and then went and took care of the dogs so I could just soak and relax. After I rinsed off he got out the massage oil and gave me the most relaxing back rub ever.
After that I told him I wasn't in the mood and he went off to his office to take care of himself. He ended up sleeping in the guest bedroom because he "didn't want to bother me".
I just want to cry and I don't know what to do. I've tried looking at porn, I tried buying a new toy, I don't know what else I can try. Normally when I'm stressed out sex is exactly what I want because it helps take my mind off everything. What can I do? | haven't been in the mood for sex in more than a month, tried lots of stuff and I'm out of ideas. |
t3_30c3df | relationships | My[19/M] little brother[17/M] is a spoiled brat. | My little brother, 17 years old is a senior in High School.
Yet, he is still very immature and oblivious to his surroundings.
My family's social class is about low-mid and our parents get by pay check to pay check.
I myself currently have a full time job that pays minimum wage and I help pay for the cellphone bill and I also pay for my own car insurance.
I also lend my parents money when they're short on cash.
It's already bad enough my parents live pay check to pay check and also sometimes borrow money from me, my little brother is too oblivious to our family's money issue.
He constantly asks for new shoes, (He's in Tennis and he sucks at taking care of his stuff), money for unnecessary school trips, new guitar, and etc.
He also has a tendency to act like a little bitch and attempt to go to the hospital for any little things.
Just yesterday, he racked up $300 for hospital bill because he had a bad back ache, and I had to pay for it because my parents were out of money.
I'm getting sick and tired of him being spoiled and oblivious.
All he has to do is nag and yell and my parents give him what he wants.
If I tell him anything, my parents get mad at me and tells me to leave him alone.
I'm getting tired of lending parents money because of this kind of reasons.
What can I do in this kind of situation?
Also, my brother and I are very distant now and we hardly ever talk to each other, and whenever we do converse, it's arguing. | My little brother is spoiled and oblivious of our family's social class and constantly wastes our parent's money. How do I make him understand our family's situation? |
t3_yll5k | AskReddit | What random acts of violence have you seen, been a part of, or been victim to? | I only have a couple examples, none of which are very interesting.
One time i was walking to work and a guy leaned out of his window and threw something at me. It hit me on my leg. I turned around and tried to see who it was but he was back in the car and just kept driving. When I looked down I saw that I had been egged.
Another time I was at a party with some friends. We were sitting on the porch when a guy came up and said that the party needed to end because it was too loud. When my friend told him that he didn't live there but he could go talk to the people who did, the random guy punched him in the face repeatedly, breaking his nose and then ran off. | i got egged in the legged once and my friend got the shit kicked out of him for no apparent reason. |
t3_4p2n9s | relationship_advice | [23/m] Is it important to have shared interests/hobbies? | I've never been in a relationship, nor have I been on a date. I think I am of average attractiveness and I am a nice guy (though I secretly hate everyone, but whatever). The weird thing about me though is that I have difficulty enjoying almost anything in life. I basically only like playing video games, and only competitively, or on a rare occasion I'll enjoy a very difficult single player game. I like some anime, but I am very picky, and I have been studying Japanese but I am not sure if I will keep it up for much longer. I hate going out to bars, making small talk with strangers, or hiking or anything similar, politics bore me to death and I'm in the military so I'm not passionately studying anything, really.
Recently though I've been talking with this girl that I met online and she doesn't play video games, but I think we both really like talking to each other, which just got me thinking that maybe I've been looking for the wrong kind of girl (i.e. one who likes games)? But on the other hand, I just can't imagine what we'd do together years down the road on a Saturday just chilling at home. Surely we would run out of things to talk about eventually? | I'm a weird guy who doesn't enjoy anything in life except competitive video games. Should I continue only looking for a girl with similar interests? |
t3_2cmbw7 | Advice | My ex boyfriend won't return my books | About three weeks ago, my boyfriend of over a year broke up with me over the phone. I will spare too many details, but I did not get much of an explanation and he was very upset/crying. We were long distance while he is at college a 4 hour drive away. He told me he would tell me the next time he was home and we would meet up to have a face-to-face chat, and he would give me my books (he has six which belong to me).
My friend Molly also reached out to him and offered to meet up with him to get my things if he was my comfortable with that. He ignored her.
I dropped off his stuff at his parents' a week ago, and he was there. I asked him when he would bring my books, and he said the following weekend.
Yesterday, I contacted him again (after not doing so all week) since he never came by. First, he simply told me he would bring my things to Molly the following Friday. He got angry and said he wants to move on, and talking to me makes it difficult. I expressed my disappointment and made it clear I knew we had no future together, but would like a face to face talk for closure's sake. He told me he wants "alone time" and cannot be friends with me right now; maybe not ever. I told him I would not contact him directly again.
Twice now, he has told me he will return my books and has not. If he does it a third time, what should I do? This break-up has been very hard on me, and him having things that still tie me to him makes it harder. | My ex has had multiple opportunities to return books he borrowed from me and has not, despite saying he will. How do I get them back without acting like a psycho ex? |
t3_2ikykx | relationship_advice | [25/m] really confused on situation with [22/f] | Slept with a girl after a night out, really like her, texted her saying I wanted to see her again and asked for her number, she said yes and she'd by back in my city in 2 weeks and gave me her number.
I texted her a little and after it she said she'd text me the next day. Well she didn't, so I texted her 2 days after that and had another encounter, again I left it with a "let me know how it goes" type end, and she said she'll text me tomorrow about it, and again didn't.
So at this point I'm really confused because she seemed eager and always texted back instantly and on the day she was supposed to text me back, she followed me on instagram, but didn't message. Like why would she not text, but go out of her way to find my instagram and follow me (it's not advertised on my Facebook)
Is she messing with me? I don't get it? Is she playing a game her self. What do I do? message her again? | slept with girl on night out, asked for her number and a meet up again with the next 2 weeks, she agreed, texted her twice, both times she said she'd text me back and didn't. |
t3_1pf2dy | relationships | I'm [17M] really unsure about my relationship with [18F] girlfriend [3 months], thinking about ending it for her sake. | There's this girl I've known for about 3 years, always had some feeling for her.
We talked a lot during that time, about almost anything and I also helped her out with some personal problems she had.
I finally told her my feelings last January. She sais that while she was flattered, she didn't have the same feelings for me.
So I broke contact...
But then after a while she started contacting me again and I started to respond, thinking I got over her. But I realised after awhile that my feelings for her were still the same.
So I went for a second try and this time she said yes, after about 10 seconds of silence.
I though everthing would be awesome from now on. I was pretty wrong. First when I texted her that I miss her she responded by saying that she wasn't at the point of missing me and that she wanted to take things slow.
Nowadays it's never her that initiates contact anymore, neither does she snuggle up to me without me asking her to, she doesn't want to stay over at my place and she doesn't respond when I text her a <3.
All this has got me thinking that I manipulated her into this relationship; She realised that if she said no to a relationship a second time we would stop texting etc. completely. So she said yes, so that she wouldn't loose me.
That's my theory, because if she really wanted to be in this relationship, then she would take some initiative, right?
This entire thing is making me miserable, so I'm actively thinking about ending it for her sake. I don't want her to be in a relationship she doesn't want | Got together with a friend of 3 years, on my second try. She doesn't take initive in the relationship though, I'm thinking that she only got into this so that we wouldn't brake contact. Thinking about ending it. |
t3_3x0kof | tifu | TIFU by introducing my wife to Yik Yak when she was studying for finals | This happened today, so there's that. I've been using Yik Yak for a week or two around my university campus, just spreading peaceful messages and helping people with homework. I have 900 of whatever Yik Yak's karma is, which apparently means I don't do a very good job of being a "yakker." Still, it's fun to read when I'm at work at 5AM.
My wife has an exam today and is having issues focusing on her studying/cramming, so I recommended she download Yik Yak and we comment on a few threads and try to find each other's comments. After two hours she hasn't put her phone down and her BIO book is nowhere to be seen. I keep hearing her giggle in the background and I'm afraid she's going to hate me when she comes home for distracting her before her exam. | showed my wife yik yak as a distraction to help her clear her mind so she could study more effectively; now she's not studying at all. |
t3_v2qqh | relationships | Small issue that has turned into something huge because I feel that my SO has difficulties accepting/apologizing for his mistake. | I'm 21f, he's 23m. Been together on/off for 3+ years.
So I was doing laundry today, and a few days ago he had cleaned his guns using an old bed sheet. After that he put the dirty bed sheet in the corner of a hallway that had a bunch of dirty towels to be done in the laundry (whenever we got to it). I decided to do laundry today and had left towels/ dirty rags/ that bed sheet for last.
My SO is really particular with his laundry and doesn't want dirty kitchen towels/ cleaning towels to be washed with the bath towels (understandable). So I had a load of bath towels in the washer, and had placed the bed sheet on top of the dryer to get it out of the way while I vacuumed. He asked what I did with the bed sheet and I said I put it on top of the dryer. I thought he was asking to make sure I wasn't washing it with the bath towels. I did the bed sheet last and when I went to put it in the dryer he freaked out on me. Apparently I wasn't supposed to wash it cause of the gun cleaning oil or whatever.
He got mad at me, saying that I should have known not to wash that. And that he was intending to throw away the bed sheet. I feel like he shouldn't have gotten mad at me because of a few reasons: I did not know you cannot put that stuff in the washer/dyer, he had placed in near laundry that needed to be washed so I assumed it needed to be washed, and if he was intending on throwing it away anyways why not just throw it away. I also feel that he shouldn't be mad at me because he should have told me that this is something that shouldn't be washed. I'm not a gun expert and did not realize that you can't wash that.
It's just really frustrating because I thought I was being nice by doing all the laundry, and he never told me not to wash this and then gets mad at me for washing it even though I had no clue. | SO is mad at me for washing a bed sheet that I was suppose to know shouldn't be washed, even though he never told me that I shouldn't wash it. |
t3_1bofgz | AskReddit | How would you make communism work? | Has anyone ever thought about a communist system that actually works?
I understand the premise of communism vs capitalism and I think that while both systems have benefits and pitfalls, an 'ideal' form of communism would actually work better than our current 'capitalist' system.
The problem with traditional communism is the lack of incentives for more work vs less work. A farmer who makes more than he needs to gains no benefit vs a farmer who makes just enough to fill his quota. The farmer who made extra would feel cheated, and rightly so.
Without benchmarks or quotas for productivity the average worker produces just enough, or a little bit less than they are required to produce. The result is a system that doesn't expect, nor even suggests, the notion of a surplus.
Ideally the improved yields from one farmer would ripple out towards the entire community and provide greater services (in this case, lets say wheat) for everyone. So if both the farmers from the original situation made just enough to fill their quotas, then their community would get the alloted 'credits' or what have you with reference to this.
However, if one farmer produced more than he was required to, this change would be documented and the surplus would be applied evenly across the community.
This doesn't change the mindset to produce more for the sake of profit, but rather quality of life. If the farmers make more wheat then everyone in the town gets more wheat. This could even be magnified through the entire country, but if it was done in this way then nobody would truly notice the change, and then the original problem comes up again.
The ideal solution would be to create a form of friendly competition between communities. Communities would be rated based on their production and would recieve incentives based on their productivity. Not reaching quotas would be frowned upon, but wouldn't result in people starving. In fact, the large scale community would become more inclined to provide incentives to offset losses from weaker communities. | I'm not a social scientist, but I think communism has some strengths that could, if applied correctly, work in tandem with traditional capitalism. |
t3_1dhupq | travel | Where to work for summer? | Hello, I need you to guide me trough summer.
I'm going to finish my first year of university by the end of june and from that time I would like to start working somewhere, but I have never done this kind of thing before, only worked for my parents year ago for a month. I'm from eastern europe, so It would be better to find a job somewhere west or north (UK, Holand). There are agencies but I really doubt their honesty and so on. I can work for 3 month. July-End of october.
Also where could I post this for more comments. | 19 years old kid without any experience trying to find a job somewhere in europe with a good minimum wage and cheap rental |
t3_um2pw | AskReddit | *Update from yesterday* Weird metallic diamond thing in my tree. No idea what it is. Pics inside! | So this weekend as my wife and I were returning from a walk with our doggie, we look up and notice what appears to be a silver or grey kind of kite sitting in a tree in my backyard, probably a good 100 or so feet up. It's pretty damn tall, probably about only 20 or so feet from the very top of the trees. Whatever it is, it was metallic and in the shape of a diamond.
I went out back to my deck to see if I could get a closer look. The surrounding trees pretty much obstructed whatever it was I was looking for, but I DID get a good view about ten feet below the object and there clearly was some sort of metal tubing snaking down the side. My view of the metal tubing (silver) eventually was covered again by the surrounding trees.
This morning it was pouring. I took my dog out back to pee and while I was out there remembered the thing in my tree. I go over and no bullshit, there seems to be a black, thick extension cord thingie coming down off the tree and disappearing into the brush behind it.
I have NO IDEA what this could be. My backyard trails off and it becomes a drainage ditch for when there are downpours. This ditch extends the entire length of the neighborhood. It might have something to do with that. My conspiratorial mind says it's some sort of listening device. My father-in-law thought it could be a lightning rod. Getting a picture will be pretty tough since the only way to see it is to stand about 50 feet away from the front of my house and it's in the backyard at the top of the tree. Any ideas? | Discovered a metallic diamond in my tree in the backyard with metal tubing coming from it. Found out this morning there is some sort of cord running all the way down the tree into the brush behind it. |
t3_1l38f9 | relationships | 19[f] I have issues and have come here to seek one-on-one help | Spent years in a haze of mental illness and drugs and I don't know how to get out now. I can't seem to figure out the story line and therefore can't tell anyone about it. No one in my life asks anymore because I have spent so much time ignoring questions or answering them incompletely.
I feel like a fractured person and I will not be able to have healthy relationships if I can't figure out what's going on and how to "tell my story"
I am in search of someone willing to help me sort through - ask me personal questions and do a little digging. I'd go to my therapist but verbalization is not an option yet... writing it out will be better. When I try to do this alone, I get overwhelmed and quit. Please help me. | Need someone to help me figure out where I've been and how to proceed on a one-on-one (PM/chat) level |
t3_33loir | tifu | TIFU by singing the Psych theme in class | So everyday during our morning announcements, different groups of people in the TV Production class get to create a sort of 'intro' for the school to enjoy.
Today, the intro included the theme song from the show Psych, (easily one of my favorite television programs). I became excited. Possibly a bit too excited. As soon as the chorus came around, I stood up from my seat chiming in with, "I KNOW, YOU KNOW, THAT I'M NOT TELLING THE TRUUUUTH," and so on and so forth. The following reaction from the class was mass silence. Suddenly I was being sent out of the room for "disturbance of school announcements," and my teacher then questioned my actions, ultimately allowing me to realize the stupidity of my mistake. | Psych theme song played on the morning announcements, I made the mistake of singing along for the class. Instant regret ensued. |
t3_4i8zqu | relationships | I (23F) don't know how to break up with my boyfriend (23 M) | My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years and I just don't feel like we are compatible anymore. I feel like the more we grow up the less we have in common. I think that we settled down waaaaaay too young. I have been with him since I was seventeen. I dated and slept with other guys before we got together but have never been in a "real" adult relationship with anyone else.
I just don't know how to break up with him. How do you untangle the lives of two people who have been together this long? I really want to break up with him but when I start to think about the logistics of a break up I get really freaked out. I also freak out about what he will do if I break up with him. Will he slip into a deep dark depression? Would he kill himself? Or will he move on and find a girl who is far better suited for him than I and live happily ever after?
I love him. He is my best friend. We survived a horrible natural disaster together. We have gotten each other through a few deaths. I am just not in love with him anymore. I would love to think that we could continue to be friends after some time apart but I don't think he is emotionally mature enough to be able to do that.
We almost broke up last October because I found out that he had been attempting to cheat on me with a girl he works with. Attempting to cheat is pretty much just as bad as cheating right? I mean the only reason he didn't do it is because he got caught before he could actually do it. I mentally beat myself up all the time for not calling it quits then and there. But I think I was just scared of being alone at the time. Between then and now I have had some real eye opening experiences that have made me think about my future. And I don't see us getting married or having kids or anything.
I just don't know how to go about the actual break up. I just want to call it quits and move on with my life. I am hoping some of you lovely reddit users will have some awesome advice for me. | I want to break up with my boyfriend of 6 years but I don't know how to go about it and am freaked out about the aftermath. Need advice. |
t3_qetuz | AskReddit | You're on a plane, plummeting to your death. What would you do in your last few minutes of life? | I was flying home this morning on one of those small planes that only seats about 28-30 passengers (an EMB 120 Brasilia for those who care), we hit a random patch of turbulence that tossed our plane around like crazy. I kinda panicked and started imagining all kinds of crazy scenarios that ended in us plummeting to our deaths. Like "what if this [propeller] stops spinning and we all die?"
So then I looked over at the middle-aged Eastern European man sitting next to me and though "meh. i'd hit that." Then a minute later I thought to myself "really Emeliminator!? You thought about having sex with a random old guy before you thought about calling your family?!" | I thought my plane was gonna crash and i thought about having sex with a rando before i thought about calling my family. |
t3_nkatx | AskReddit | i met a girl who has a boyfriend and i'm incredibly attracted to her, what are my chances? | i met a girl at work, started chatting, she is incredibly gorgeous, totally friendly and not stuck up for how pretty she is. we sort of hit it off at once it was surprisingly easy to talk to her and we were laughing the whole time. this has gone on for a few days. we went to the company christmas party and were pretty much together for the most of it, danced with her but i didn't really make a big move because i don't want to scare her off. she hasn't mentioned her boyfriend yet but i found out via facebook that she has had the same boyfriend since highschool. i'll make it clear that i am not going to intentionally try and break them up i'm just going to see where this goes but i would like to know from guys/girls that have had similar experiences, what are my chances? | met a girl. i like her a lot. we get along really well. she has a boyfriend. what are my chances? |
t3_28net2 | relationships | Me [25F] trying to figure out the best way to handle breaking up with semi-long distance [28M] man that's not OFFICIALLY my bf but we are exclusive | I'm looking for some advice here mainly because we're semi-long distance. By that I mean he lives about an hour away. I've broken things off with people in the past, so I feel like I know how to do it gently and correctly. My main question is, with him living an hour away do I do it over the phone or do I head over there and do it in person. I mean preferably it's in person, but when we meet up it's usually scheduled a few days in advance, so I don't want to schedule a hang out and then show up and be all "see ya!" (so to speak). I also don't want to just show up unannounced. Does anyone have any insight in to the best way to handle this situation? | guy lives an hour away, wondering whether breakup should be a phone call or in person, and how to navigate it if I do it in person. |
t3_qt3sn | loseit | Advice on SO's insistence on hardcore exercise... | Hey loseit! I'm new here, not by any means new to the dieting scene(I went on my first diet at the age of 6). I'm a 5'10, 200 pound female, I lost 75 pounds two years ago and have managed to keep every bit of it off with the exception of around 10 pounds I yo yo with. I've recently started to try to really lose these last 50 pounds and am making the dietary changes necessary to do so. The only problem, is my SO is insistent that I start running, or doing very intense workouts or I'm not going to see results. He is very lean, and pretty much in pristine physical shape, and it seems impossible to make him understand that I cannot physically do these things until I get some weight off of me first. I suggested I walk a mile or two 3-4 times a week and he just dismisses it as a waste of time. I also have pcos, so I'm going to go keto to help regulate my insulin problem, but it seems like he criticizes my lack of activity and blames all of my weight on that, not the fact I stuff my face full of sugars everyday. How can I make him understand that I can't go out and run a marathon without just being more discouraged about how out of shape I am? It's not that I disagree with the fact I need exercise, I'm just trying to take baby steps for an overall change, instead of diving in head first and just ending up back where I'm at. | My SO wants me to exercise myself to death and ignores the fact I'm just trying to ease myself into a healthier lifestyle. |
t3_3n56vz | relationships | Me [19F] with my mom [49F], having a hard time establishing boundaries and a good relationship overall | Hi Reddit! I am a loooong time lurker, but tonight I decided that I might need your help after all. (English is not my main language, sorry for potential mistakes).
My mom is a fantastic person, Dad left when I was very young and since then she and all of my grandmothers and grandfathers helped raise me. I've had a wonderful childhood and have only fond memories of my family.
In the latest years, my relationship with mom became a bit strained. We live in different cities and she insists on calling each other 2 times a day, partly to make sure I'm not sleeping in too late and just because she loves me and wants to hear what I have planned for the day. Same thing in the evening, to wish good night and stuff.
Sometimes all this calling suffocates me, I feel like she calls me not to hear about my day and listen to me talk about stuff, but rather hear me report about my day and if I did anything productive. Sometimes I don't have a chance to call her in the evening and instead text her where I am and what I'm doing and wishing her a good night. Tonight she got angry and accused me of not caring enough about her (because I texted her). I wouldn't go as far as to call it emotional blackmailing, but she's definitely guilt tripping me.
There are many other issues with her not fully accepting that I'm an adult and am capable of making my own choices - I live on my own, have recently started paying for everything myself and generally am happy with my life.
I guess my mom thinks that we are too different and that's why it's so hard for her to understand me sometimes. How do I explain to her that different doesn't automatically mean bad or sinful (yeah there's a problem with religion and culture as well, we're from Eastern Europe but we moved 10 years ago. She thinks I'm too westernized now).
I'm an only child so this can also be her having a tough time letting go. Still don't know how to deal with all this. | Mom is overbearing and a bit controlling, want to establish boundaries and try to explain it from my point of view without having to make her feel like I've abandoned her. :/ |
t3_5042v4 | relationships | Me [22 M] with my bandmate [21 M]. I do all the work, he gets to enjoy all of it live. | Throwaway account.
For the last few years I've been the main producer in an electronic band. This basically means that I produce (make all of the music except for the vocals) most of the tracks we release, as well as recording all of the songs. The last year we've been at kind of a turning point, playing at festivals and amassing a decent amount of plays. I'm really excited that people enjoy our music that much, and actually show up to our gigs.
But lately I've also been dissatisfied with how our set-up is. You see, in the beginning all of us who create the actual music were vocalists, including me. This meant that a friend of ours had to be the DJ. He's a capable DJ, but he doesn't make music and doesn't participate musically in the group. Eventually, fewer of us ended up singing and whatnot, but he is still the live-DJ. This basically means that whenever we play gigs, he just presses play on tracks that I've made. While I'm just along for the ride like I'm a friend of the group that doesn't participate.
This is kind of bugging me because I feel like I'm doing all the actual work; producing all the songs that actually get us the gigs, while my bandmate gets to reap all the benefits, at least in the live gigs. I basically want to take more control over this part of the process, partly because as an artist I want to take control over my own music, but I also want to develop the live-set more than what he's doing right now.
I'm not sure how to approach this, as he has been with us since the start. But at the same time he has never really done anything, and all in all his participation has been a bit half-assed. And frankly, the feeling of a lack of control of my own music and art is making me uncomfortable. How do I go forward with this? How can I solve this in the best possible way? Is it unfair that I want to be able to DJ in our gigs, when it's my own tracks being played? | I produce most of the music in our group, bandmate is the live-DJ and gets to enjoy all of the live gigs instead of me. |
t3_51tkro | personalfinance | Identity Stolen - Halp! | Okay, first post and just joined Reddit after being a long time reader. Hopefully someone can give me some advice or insight into this issue.
So today I discovered someone has open a credit card in my name. Some asshole opened an Amazon.com Rewards card in my name and it was sent to my house. Is this normal? Why wouldn't they have sent it to themselves and how did they expect to use the damn thing if they sent it to me? This makes me think it was someone who has access to my mail. I've also noticed that mail sometimes doesn't show up that I am expecting and cards that I sent out (thank you cards from people who attended my wedding!) never arrive at their destination. This person clearly has my social, full name, home address, and probably more. In addition to this, in July, I had two fraudulent charges to one of my credit cards totaling over $645. At the time I thought it may have been due to a data breach or something, but they wouldn't have gotten all that information that way. My bank refunded those charges and that was that... or so I thought until today. I've reached out to the bank, who cancelled the account for me and reported it to the credit agencies. I also submitted my own reports to them including to identitytheft.gov. I guess next step is a police report and repeatedly checking my credit reports. Funny thing is, I already don't have excellent credit, nor do I have a huge amount of available credit for them to take out. The card was only approved for $500. I guess my issue now is what do I do going forward? Clearly this person/people have my personal information still, and it can still be used for just about anything. Thank jeebus its not like they could be approved for a mortgage or anything big *crossing fingers* but I'm worried this could continue and I could have further problems. Any help is appreciated! | Asshole stole my identity, and sent the new credit card to my house. Need help figuring out what to do/who done it. |
t3_2o7z9y | relationships | Me [22M] with my fiance [23 F] of four years, living apart in the city centre. I'm convinced that she's gone on a date with a friend without me but she's good at deflecting when I ask her. | My fiancee and I live in separate apartments, and she's been living with her flatmate for about six months now. He's the only flatmate she's retained after having a pretty bad blowout with the rest of the people she was living with through the first half of the year.
Truth is, I'm really suspicious of him. He's a trans girl (which is totally cool in my book, of course) and they both live together on the edge of the city centre. She's only met him this year but they grew close really quickly. I know she drunkenly kissed him once, but that's something I said I'd forgiven her for, even though it most certainly isn't.
On Friday, she went with him to a little planetarium-type place called the Stardome. She refused to go into detail about what went down there. I don't want to be controlling or clingy or anything, but the fact that I'm being told NOTHING is kind of problematic for me.
When I've suggested that I'm suspicious that something's going on, she suddenly becomes defensive and very upset, usually making me feel like crap until I just drop it. I've got some personal problems that I've been working on and I'm used to getting stabbed in the back by people I thought I could trust, so I'm not discounting the possibility that it's just me being stupid and paranoid.
Still, I'm concerned and I don't know if it's possible to get a straight answer out of her. We're usually very good at communicating and that doesn't seem to be happening here. | Fiancee of 4 years might be an item with her flatmate. Dunno how to prove it and I don't know if I'm just being crazy. |
t3_4eg18d | relationships | Me [25 M] with my closest female friend [24 F], were friends for 7 years, got rejected, later she proposed to date, than told it was a mistake | posted in /r/friendzone initially here is edited version with more details
I've known a girl for around 6-7 years. I was always kinda "into" her, but that was not instant, my feelings kinda grew over time as we got to know each other better. Didn't tell her for a long time, was not sure about it, always questioned myself whether my feelings were true, didn't want to bother her for nothing. We became really good friends, always on the same wave (I would call it soulmates) One day I confessed to her, but she obviously told she wasn't romantically interested in me. That was frustrating, but I was kinda fine with that. I didn't have much hope anyway, it was just kinda hard to keep it to myself. After sometime things kinda resumed the way they were before. But then one day she told me that she wanted to try and date. I was a little bit skeptical about that, but well now I know I should have been much more. So, I kinda succumbed to my emotions and agreed. Well, just after few days she realized it was her mistake and told me about that. Sounds like she kinda took it lightly, but she definitely didn't. She thinks she made a mistake, but I also did when perceived it so seriously ( and I agree with her there). And yeah she wants for it to be just another experience in our relationship, which will only help us know each other better. As for myself, I just don't know. Rationally thinking I understand that everything couldn't change just within a few days, and our friendship definitely wasn't a fluke, so it would be right to move on and keep everything as it was. But somehow the way I perceive our relationships changed. I question myself whether further relationships would be harmful for both of us. I question myself whether or not I will remain sincere with her or will I just keep a false hope and bother her subconsciously. Still care deeply about her, and feel the same from her.
What do you think about this situation? What would be better for her/me? | Got rejected by really good female friend, got over that, then suddenly got a suggestion from her to date. She realized it was a mistake in few days. Feel frustrated as never before. |
t3_3nuy0i | relationships | Girlfriend [32 F] of 7 years constantly writes flirty texts with some guy, now they want to meet How should I adress this? | So one day I looked on my girlfriends cellphone to get the time and I saw she received a text from some guy "Good night princess". Up to this point I always respected her privacy and there was never a reason to not trust her. This message made me curious and when I opened the history, I saw that she was texting this guy for months. I was away for 3 months and I found out through her messanger that she registered for tinder in this time and was chatting with a couple of dudes. The texts are nothing outragious, some flirty messages, some picture exchange, but nothing graphic sexy. My trust was gone and I wanted to know how these messages would develop. Was she planning to cheat or does she just want some validation for her ego? We're together for 7 years and I understand that the magic after this time is not what it used to be.
Anyway with the Whatsapp messanger you can login from your pc into your phone and read the messages, so I logged in from my pc and constantly read the message exchange between them. I know it's an aweful thing to do and I really feel bad about it and I don't know how to progress now. I'm leaving for 10 days on friday and they are talking about meeting. I don't know if I should I wait and see if she will actually go all the way and actually cheat or if I should adress this now before she has the chance to actually do so. I feel so betrayed and dissappointed in her and don't know how to tell her. | Girlfriend writes flirty messages with a guy for months, I found out and read all of them. Going away for 10 days and they are talking about a meeting. What should I do? |
t3_3apmp0 | relationships | A coworker [26F] just confessed her feelings to me [25F] and I don't know what to do. | A little bit of backstory to all of this is : Erika and I have been working together for about 3 months [names have been changed] and I knew that she was a lesbian although it wasn't explicitly talked about.
We hung-out one night and the next day, texted for a little bit only to have it come to a confession of sorts that she has feelings for me, thinks I'm gorgeous and, I believe, wants to pursue a relationship with me.
My problem is : I just got out of a 10 month relationship only three weeks ago and the mere idea of flirting with another person, pursuing a relationship with another person fills me with this panicky feeling as if I'm doing something wrong, I feel guilty and I feel incredibly *scared* to even do anything about this.
I'm not over my ex and the relationship ended in such a way that I am still in love with this person, I think about them everyday, and still hold out a hope that our relationship can be salvageable at some point.
I know I'm not ready to pursue a relationship with another person and I've spoken to Erika about how I'm going through the ups and downs of my recently ended relationship, to which Erika has said she understands but she continues to text me everyday and send me pictures and during all of this, I just feel anxious. Anxious that she's not getting the message, not understanding, and I'm lost on what to do so that I don't have to be blunt and hurt her feelings.
Does anyone have any advice on how I can handle this situation in a way that allows us to still be able to work together, still be cool with each other, all while she comes to understanding that nothing will happen between us? | female coworker told me she has feelings for me, I just recently got dumped and don't want a relationship, how do I tell her without hurting her feelings? |
t3_j6vw6 | BreakUps | Is there anything I can do to salvage this relationship? | She (21F) just broke up with me (21M) earlier last month, ending the first "real" relationship I had. It lasted just under 2 months.
She said that she was breaking up with me because she could not handle the physical distance between us (we live on opposite sides of the state and I could only visit her on the weekends) and that she had personal problems which have been bothering her since before we got together. She said she still wanted to make the relationship work when either of us would be able to afford to live closer to each other and when she got her emotional issues in check. Unfortunately, she said she couldn't tell me what these issues were (???) and I asked her to set an appointment with a therapist. She said she did but I'm suspecting she ultimately never followed through with this.
I was pretty upset with her for her attitude of trying to party her problems away and when she failed to meet me after we after agreed on a date to exchange our stuff (which was her idea) I decided to stop talking to her. After acting like a rude douche, I told her that I would rather not talk to her at all. I thought all of that would quicken the grieving process but I was wrong. I still felt even more like shit and as a result only ended up upsetting her. And that's putting it lightly. Eventually I apologized for acting like a dick and she said she forgave me but I feel like I have already done too much damage.
We went from chatting online for most nights of the week (following the breakup) to her responding to my texts with hostility and passive aggressiveness. Every attempt at conversation falls flat. She seems super distant whenever I try to talk to her online or over the phone. I'm just wondering if it's completely over or if we still have a chance to recover. I really love this girl but she seems to be drifting farther and farther everyday. | Girl broke up with me but still wanted to make it work eventually. I upset her, apologized and she forgave me but things don't feel the same. What can I do? |
t3_3tzpmm | relationships | How to stop a my (27m) FWB (27f) from wanting more? | So i met a girl on tinder. We went out a couple of times.
During the dates, she was telling me about other tinder dates that she has been having, so i assumed she wasn't after anything serious, which i was happy with.
Anyway, we end up sleeping together, and the next day she tells me that she isn't going to date anyone else, as she wants to see "where it goes" with me.
So i'm completely honest with her, and tell her i'm not looking for anything serious, and she gets quite upset, but says we should be friends.
So we meet up again, and she starts flirting with me and making out with me. I stop her straight away and tell her that i don't want to lead her on and hurt her again. But she says she is fine, and is happy to be FWB, and we end up hooking up again.
I was talking to my friend, who says that women can't do FWB, as they always develop feelings. Is this true? And how do i prevent it?
I really don't want to upset her again. But i'm just not ready for another relationship. | Girl i dating wanted a relationship. I was honest and told her i didn't, so she said she is happy to be FWB. Will she eventually want more? and how do i prevent it? |
t3_3ob68g | tifu | TIFU at my First Rave | So, was just at a Halloween themed rave. Too be honest, it was everything I could've hoped for, except for when I got home
I was on the dance floor, getting hype, when a hot chick spun me around and started making out with me. Totally a pleasant surprise. Then her real motives came out.
"Buy me a drink."
Now, I'm 20, so obviously this isn't going to happen. So I'm kinda taken aback and disappointed. I tell her to buy me a drink since I'm underage. She giggles and walks away.
I didn't really care all that much, until I got home and started to take off the paper wrist band they gave me. I read it, and was instantly hit by a wave of regret.
"Over 21 Verified".
Fuck. | Hot rave girl makes out with and asks me to buy her a drink. I'm 20, so it didn't happen. Get home and find that whoever checked IDs hooked me up and lied about my age. |
t3_13lem8 | relationships | SO (22M) is obsessed with a video game and I (21F) don't know what to do. | My SO and I have been going out around 3 years and I've always known he's an avid gamer. I've never had an issue with it, I game too. Though lately he is completely consumed with LoL (League of Legends) because he got to Platinum ranking just before season 2 ended afterward he started to lose A LOT and lost over 300 Elo. He really wants to be a pro so this really upsets him. He wants to be back where he was at.
Here is the issue, he is a month away from finishing college. He has classes he needs to go to, tests he needs to do, and major projects that must be completed but all he does is game. He tells me that he knows he has stuff he needs to do but gaming is all he can think of, all he cares about.
I am trying to support him, but I don't know how its obvious he doesn't want me to tell him to keep gaming, but he won't listen to me when I try to get him to do school work. What do I do?
NOTE: I have no issue with him going Pro but he has worked for 4 years to complete college and I don't want it to go to waste and I know he would DESPISE working at somewhere like McDonald's until/if he manages to go Pro. | Boyfriend who is almost finished college is obsessed with League of Legends and is neglecting his school work for it, I don't know how to support him. |
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