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t3_4ijkcj | personalfinance | Should I pay off my home mortgage? | Hi /r/personalfinance,
My wife and I are relatively new parents with a healthy 6 month old. We bought a house (~160k) back in Dec 2013. This is the only debt we carry currently (Both cars are paid off and we do not carry CC debt) The home has 30 year, 7 year ARM with a current APR of ~3.2%. The intent was to have a starter home to live in for 5-6 years and move into something better before the rate changed on us, we also hated renting and wanted a taste of homeownership before buying the home of our dreams.
3 years into that mortgage we are very close to having enough saved up to pay off the remaining priciple on the house which is ~122k. We have not been aggressive in paying the mortgage off, we have been just paying the minimum w/escrow so the principle has not come down very much at all and we have been paying primarily interest.
Paying off the mortgage would wipe our savings but wouldnt necessarily wipe us out as we would have some money to carry us through. My rationale being thats ok since we no longer have a mortgage to worry about and we could continue to save even more. I understand would still be on the hook to pay taxes/home owners insurance, as well as utilities and that shouldnt be a problem for us. | Should I pay off my 122k home and wipe out my savings in an effort to save more money and not pay mortgage interest? What other things should I consider? This is the only debt we carry. |
t3_1uylhq | AskReddit | Manager gives me wrong schedule twice in one week, i end up missing precious hours because of it and reprimanded. Who is to blame? | So, here is the dilemma ive been placed in, this past sunday i was given my work schedule for the week, three days thu(noon to close) sat(noon to close) and sun(ten to close). thursday rolls around and i show up early as usual only to be greeted by my co-worker at the door with a puzzled look on his face. apparently i wasnt supposed to come in that day. fine with me, a day off and more time to handle some errands. fast forward to this morning around roughly 8am EST. i call my work to confirm my hours for the day and apparently i was supposed to be in yesterday at two and they "had a hell of a time trying to get ahold of me" which is funny, seeing as my phone didnt ring once all day. i was informed that i am going to be written up for a "no call-no show" and im shit out of luck for hours this week. after today i will have a whopping 9 hours(also i was informed that i am not scheduled for sunday) i dont think i should be at fault for my manager giving me the wrong schedule twice. and im infuriated that because of this my budget is going to be effected severely. | manager fucks my schedule up twice causing me to be written up, miss a full day of work, and ultimately fucks my finances. who is to blame? |
t3_2iq36b | relationships | [20M] in the wake of a relationship with a lot going on. | Hey all, so within the last month, my now ex girlfriend cheated on me with another guy, destroyed some of my property, and badmouthed me to every friend she has.
The day after our breakup, I see this girl on campus (I'm at university, forgot to say) whom I've had a major crush on for the past calendar year (I know, even when me and my ex were together, which is a whole other issue).
I decide to finally approach her, considering nothing will happen otherwise. We meet, exchange numbers, and agree on a coffee date. I am ECSTATIC. This is the first time I've been truly happy in a number of months.
The coffee date (which takes place on a Friday) goes very well, so well that we continue texting until we agree to hangout Saturday night, where we both have a few drinks and head back to her place.
While at her place, she then proceeds to tell me how she's had the same feelings for me throughout the past year, and I return these feelings to her. I then stay the night and then gladly spend most of my sunday with her.
We have been texting throughout the past few days, however we are both very busy and have yet to see each other again since that night and following day.
I am concerned for a number of reasons, mainly, because I am fairly fresh out of a breakup and I have an immense amount of feelings for this girl, and I'm not sure if this would be clarified as too soon.
Also, because while it was a fantastic and incredibly attaching and emotional night, we were both a little under the influence, and I am very concerned her feelings might be different under normal circumstances.
I am hoping to see her this week, meanwhile I am trying to remain as even keeled as possible and simply take things as they come. | Ex cheated and fucked me over within a few weeks, head over heels for this girl I've had a major crush on for a year, now we're finally hanging out and I'm generally unsure. |
t3_10fv8o | AskReddit | When have you taken the high road? How do you get over being angry, even though you did the right thing? | Had an employee who was just the worst. He constantly complained and over exaggerated the "hardships" he was going through. As the employer in a non-profit, we can't just fire him because he's a member of the community that gives us funding. We cannot bad mouth him because it would be unprofessional, though he has no qualms about telling everyone about the "horrible conditions" he's had to live with. He literally contributed nothing, was rude to the staff, and felt entitled to funding to improve his conditions rather than the community he was hired to serve. When he finally quit, he made sure to give a laundry list of complaints explaining how he was "constantly beaten down while trying to support the organization."
He's also 23 and this is his first job out of college. | asshole with self entitlement complex quit and is bad mouthing a charitable organization, and we can't defend ourselves because we're supposed to be the professional ones. |
t3_h71zy | AskReddit | I think I'm being stalked and don't know what to do. | About 7 months ago I got a weird voicemail from a former college classmate of mine, just telling me to call her back. A little over 3 months ago I started receiving facebook messages from her. This girl was in one of my classes in 2006, and I interacted with her maybe 2 or 3 times, in reference to homework or something. Nothing significant at all. The messages she sent me on facebook were mostly one sentence, just about music she liked or asking me why I wasn't responding. After being annoyed with all the messages I just decided to block her, and thought nothing of it. Then within a day I started receiving messages from her on my Youtube account, which I also ignored. Eventually she went away. Now again, a few days ago, she sent me around 20 more messages on Youtube, and somehow found my email address. Messages just started pouring in. In this round, the Youtube messages were all weird Christian shit. Bible verses, Christian cultists speaking, etc.
Here's the fucked up part. She started messaging people I know. My friends, my sister, and my girlfriend, and recalling intimate details about our lives; tattoos some of my friends have, relationships, people's backgrounds, places people have lived. She sent them anywhere between 10-30 messages each. I asked most of my friends to block her if they hadn't already. No one knows her at all, and some even thought she was a sort of spam bot. No one has replied to her to my knowledge, but I don't know how many of my friends/acquaintances she has contacted.
Though none of the messages are threatening, it's getting to be a bit scary. I'm not sure what I should do. I'm concerned she will begin to contact people I work with in the professional world, or potentially do some damage. Please, any advice would be great. | Girl is sending me and my friends a ton of messages on the internet. I had one class with her in 2006, minimal interactions, and no one else knows her. |
t3_2dg2zc | personalfinance | I would like to hear your thoughts on my situation. | I would like to buy a house next year. So right now I am trying to rebuild my credit and learn to budget. My wife and I both come from families who are thousands of dollars in dept. Personally I have about $5,000 dollars in collections the largest is $2,700 for a college mistake (I rented an apartment roommate moved out with no notice. I was Evicted, and charged damages and late fees) My wife has no debt in collections after 2 years of us working on her credit. combined we have $12,000 in student loans that are current and we are making small payments.
Credit Karma Gives me a score of 548 & My wife a 581
I have one one Credit card (Discover) with a $500 limit. I have had the card since 2010. Most of that time it has held a balance or had been maxed out.
After working in retail for the past 6 years making 20,000 or less a year. I have finally landed a job in IT. I now make $37,500 a year. My wife has no income she is a home-maker and takes care of our daughter. | Advice building credit to buy a house. We have dept, but not enough to file bankruptcy. We do have enough that it is ruining our credit. |
t3_4udkn7 | AskDocs | Weird illness I have? | So I have been feeling weird but I am unsure of what illness this is. Here are some of my symptoms Day 1 (friday): Difficulty walking (wobbled a lot), head would hurt (even felt like a heart pound sometimes) if I did rapid eye movement/exposed to too much stimuli, back is overly sensitive to touch (it hurts to wear clothes a little, I try to reduce my shirt from touching me at work), bones feel weak/little heavy Day 2: Head is still like mush, it hurts (scale 3 out of 10), not just back but also arms are sensitive to touch, even to other skin on my own body (like arm/chest or while stretching), I couldn't stop shivering even though it's really warm.
And no nasuea, no heat stroke, just my head repeatedly heating up and hurting consistently, bones feel very weak (I jog weekly).
The only new thing is a certain part of my intestine/stomach hurt a little when I took a shit. Even now, I wish I could get around without wearing shirts since the contact mildly hurts.
Has anyone ever felt like this before or know what illness this might be? Every sickness I think it gets contradicted by the symptoms I have so idk
Drank lots of fluids, been sleeping alot since this happened, not sure how to go about this. | knees weak, arms are heavy, seriously don't want to see a doctor at such a busy time at work, shivering when its warm, skin is overly sensitive, head is a big derp, had difficulty walking straight before |
t3_193h82 | relationships | Is it normal to lose interest after only one month of a relationship? (both 22/M) | Here's the story: In the beginning of January, I met a guy on OKCupid whom I later met in person. Within a couple weeks, we decided to consider ourselves "boyfriends," and we've been together now for about 5 weeks. The two of us have a lot in common, from our general demeanor to what we're both doing with our lives, to some shared interests. Objectively, there is very little that I dislike about him, and we have already had some great experiences together (I know it's been only five weeks, but still).
This past week, though, I noticed something. I wasn't able to see my boyfriend much this week because of exams and research (same for him), but...I didn't really have any grand desire to see him. What I mean is, the times when I was alone this week, I was content to be alone, and I didn't really spend any time thinking about him. I feel like I should be falling head over heels for him at this point, though. I wonder if something is wrong, if I'm really losing interest. It might be that I'm a 22 year old guy who wants to be active with a lot of people, but I went into this relationship willingly, and I want to make it work, if it can be done. | should I be falling head over heels with someone at this point early in this new relationship? Should I just give it more time, or is this a trouble sign? |
t3_2onxm3 | relationships | My [25M] girlfriend [24F] of half a year sees a guy who she used to sleep with a lot; I trust her but a friend has made me think I'm being naive. | I'll set the scene. My girlfriend is Cindy and the guy in question is Barry. We have been dating for 8 months, she was sleeping with Barry on and off over the last eight years.
Cindy and Barry have been friends ever since they were 15, and Cindy had a massive crush on him. Eventually they slept together and Cindy was head-over-heels in love with Barry. Barry however just used her for sex and someone to smoke weed with, he never had any intention of starting a relationship with her. Cindy says he treated her like crap. They most recently slept together on New Year's Day (before she met me), and she said it felt really wrong.
Now, she goes round Barry's every week, usually a few times, and gets high with him. Barry is a massive stoner, none of Cindy's friends have ever met him and neither have I, he doesn't like activities that aren't getting weed at home.
I trust that Cindy isn't sleeping with Barry when she goes round, but my friend is making me paranoid that they are. How would I ever know? She could be playing me for a fool. The reasons why she thinks they are sleeping together are:
* She never has to pay for the weed
* She has said that apart from the last time, he was incredible in bed and the best sex she's ever had, better than me (don't ask me how I know this)
* She talks about him all the time
The reasons why I trust her is because we have sex unprotected, she says she's never cheated before and is particularly upset when her friends cheat and is pretty pissed off that my housemate has sex with a girl in a relationship, she never hides that she's going to go see him and has talked about me on the phone to him and honestly, she's given me no reason to distrust her.
Am I just getting paranoid? | I trust girlfriend, but she has essentially created the perfect situation by which she can just repeatedly cheat on me and I'll never know. |
t3_l5riy | self | I know you'll never see this... | ...but I just needed to finally get this off of my chest. I don't care about who see this, who reads this, or if anyone has anything to say about it. We met in elementary school and from the day I met you I have been in love with you. But because I was too shy to say anything and I didn't want to risk our friendship, I watched you through the years jump from boyfriend to boyfriend. Each time knowing that when you got with them you would disappear... only to come back around when the relationship went south. But I remained a constant friend. It took me moving to Florida to finally gain enough confidence to tell you I was in love with you... But by then it was too late. The same process continued, you would stick around while you were single... And then disappear once you were dating someone new. Here we are, 20 years later, and I'm still finding myself wishing, at times hoping, things would be different. You tell me how good a guy I am and how you "know that I'll always care." And it's ironic that when we are with each other, they can see the chemistry between us. But due to the circumstances, I refuse to put myself in harms way. I know that I will always love you. I will always be there for you when you need me. Even if you continue to bounce from loser to loser... It's been more than 20 years and when I am around you everything comes back... It's too bad we didn't address what we both know is between us while we could have. I'll continue to be the emotional support that I have been through the years... I'll be the temporary "boyfriend" until you move on to you next one. Eventually, I'll find my piece of the puzzle. With or without you... I'll find my piece of the puzzle... | in love with a friend for most of our lives; watch her jump from bad relationship to bad relationship and continues to be there for her regardless of the situation. |
t3_1z65lc | relationships | Me [23F] with my boyfriend [27M] 3 years. He doesn't clean up or tidy and it's starting to disgust me. | My boyfriend does not clean or tidy the house. Sure, he will do the dishes if I ask but other than that nothing. There's bits of chips, poppadoms, pakora on the floor and the spare sofa. He puts empty drink cans and bottles on the coffee table until the pile is so high it won't balance anymore and he bins them. I've asked him to at least rinse a plate if it has ketchup on because it's a pain to get off. I'll go to the dishes and the ketchup filled plate is still on the coffee table.
I don't officially live at his flat I just stay here all the time so I don't feel like I can boss him about re: cleanliness. Whenever I do bring it up he just says that it's always tidy when I'm not here. But it isn't! I will spend the whole day tidying the flat; sweeping, cleaning the hob, hoovering, mopping etc. He will come home, throw his clothes on the sofa, his coat in the hallway and make dinner - throwing bits of chilli all over the clean cooker and just accept it and not pick up any mess he's made.
I'm starting to question our relationship over this. It's starting to really make me feel sick and what would it be like when we finally got a flat together. He has a very "don't like it? Leave then" attitude so I'm not sure how to approach the subject. I asked him this morning if hed like to do a good clean of the flat with me but he said he has coursework this weekend. I however, know for a fact he will spend the majority of the day playing games and browsing the internet. Has anyone been in a similar situation? What do I do? We've been best friends for 7 years but I can't stop thinking about the future. I don't want to live in filth. | Flat is a mess with food on the floor. Bf won't ever tidy up and says it's my fault despite none of it being my mess. |
t3_2sjpzf | relationships | Me [23M] saw archived sexts to a different guy from my [22F] partner from when we weren't dating and can't stop thinking about it | Her and I started dating last year and mutually ended things when I wanted time to get my act together (I was a drug user and drank too much). We got back together earlier this fall and the guy she was seeing during our off time was sending her nude snaps and texted her quite frequently. I asked her to tell him to stop and she did so cause it made me happy. Since then she went through old pictures and she had saved dirty sexts from him and she told me she didn't want to get rid of them due to sentimental value. She quickly said that "sentimental" was the wrong word to use but she still did not want to delete them. How do I stop letting jealousy consume me? We are both very happy together but overthinking this hurts both of us. | learned about dirty texts sent to my girlfriend during a break in our relationship that she doesn't want to delete and it's messing with my head. |
t3_sng1q | AskReddit | My cousin has Lyme Disease but her insurance company won't recognize it and refuses to cover her. What can we do? | I figure I would post a question here before I started researching since this subreddit always has people willing to help out and give advice.
My cousin (25) has had a history of getting sick easily. It wasn't until a few months ago that a specialist finally diagnosed her susceptibility to illnesses as **Chronic Lyme Disease**. She was bitten by a tick when she was four years old but, for years, doctors brushed it off/missed it/I don't know what.
According to my parents, her insurance company doesn't recognize Lyme Disease as an illness and say it's all psychological. They don't agree with the doctors diagnosis and are refusing to help cover her and any treatments she might need.
I really don't know much else about the situation as my family tends to withhold information from me since I'm the youngest kid out of all the cousins (I don't even know which insurance company it is). However, I'm pretty sure there should be ways to protest/appeal to the company to get them to stop being dicks. I've heard stories about people succeeding, but have no idea where to start, and was hoping Reddit could help out. If anyone has resources on how to fight this, any past experience, anything at all really, it would be much appreciated
My cousin is one of the sweetest people I have ever and will ever know. She always puts the needs of others in front of her no matter what, and always has a smile on her face. Almost all her life, she's had to deal with symptoms ranging from constant fevers and headaches to fainting and blacking out suddenly for no apparent reason. And every time she does get sick, instead of whining and complaining, she constantly apologizes for being such a burden. She's an amazing person who won't be able to live her life to the fullest because of an insurance company's refusal to recognize Chronic Lyme Disease. | My cousin was recently diagnosed with Chronic Lyme Disease but her insurance company doesn't recognize it as an actual sickness and won't cover treatment. Is there anything I can do to help her out? |
t3_3tfc4r | relationships | Me [16 M] with my BestFriend [16 F] She said she doesn't see me as more than friends but I can't get over it | So I told my best friend I had feelings for her and she said she didn't see me as more than a friend but she said she was going to think about things. She said that she could see us as casual FWB though. She hasn't said anything since then but it wasn't awkward at school. We normally touch eachother a lot and there aren't many places we haven't gone when doing this. The day after I told her I could see she wanted to touch me and do the things we normally did but she didn't, however today she couldn't help herself and just went on like we normally would. Now I don't know why I'm finding it so difficult, I'm not sure if it's the fact that she said she was going to give it some thought or that she said she could see us as casual FWB.
A few things to note: She gets very jealous and protective of me. An example of this is she doesn't like that I go to the gym because then I'll attract a lot of girls with my body and she won't have my sole attention but she doesn't want me as more than a friend like wtf? Another thing to note is I do get a fair bit of attention from girls and don't really get rejected often. What should I do?, should I ask if she's thought about it and come to an explanation? | Told my best friend I had feelings she said she didn't see me that way and would think about it but said we might be casual FWB in the future. She also gets very jealous of me and other girls. |
t3_2kb34j | relationships | Starting to look at one of my best friends in a different way. | I F[21] have been really good friends with someone M[22] for about 6 years now and have never thougt of him as anything more than just one of my best friends, until just recently.
We have tons of fun together and he always makes me laugh. We all have the same friends and I know that if we got together our friends would definitely approve.
The only problem is that it's really hard for me to think about doing anything physical or romantic with him. We've been friends for so long that it's hard for me wrap my head around the idea of that.
If anyone has had an experience similar to this then please share.
How did the relationship change? Was it easy for you to think about them in a different way? | starting to think about a close friend of mine in a different way but the romantic part of things is hard for me to think about. Was wondering if anyone has gone through the same situation and how it happened for them. |
t3_4m5b96 | relationships | I [26F] found out that my boyfriend [26M] of 6 years cheated on me. Confused as to why he stayed | Like the title says, about a month ago I found out that my boyfriend of 6 years had been cheating on me for over a year. We met in college and after we graduated moved to different cities (about 1 hr away from each other) and saw each other once a week. We talked everyday so we maintained constant communication. I always thought that we had a strong relationship and we would always talk about things relating to our future together. Our plan was to move in with each other in a few months and we even talked about moving to another city together. It was by a freak accident that I found out about the affair and he lied to me and trickle truthed me to the very end so I do not know all the details. He mentioned that the girl wanted to be in a relationship with him. I asked him why he didn't just break up with me and be with her. He did not have an answer. I broke up with him immediately upon discovery. He did the usual cheater dance with the crying and fake apologizing. I have come to peace with the fact that this relationship is over and I will never want to get back together with him. I have self respect and I know that I deserve better.
However, I do have some remaining questions that are preventing me from obtaining closure. I understand that I should just accept that there will be lingering questions and that I should move on but there are a few that keep circling in my mind from time to time. For example, half a year ago (while he was having an affair) he flew me and my parents to his home country and introduced me and them to his extended family members. We also had a serious talk about marriage a few months before I discovered the affair. During our talk he insisted that he wanted to marry me in the future. Why did he do all of these things, while having the affair? Why did he string me along when he could have easily been with the other girl as she clearly wanted to be with him?
I know that only he knows the real answers to the questions but any insight is appreciated. | My boyfriend of 6 years cheated on me for over a year. She wanted to be with him so what was the point in keeping me around? |
t3_10f30e | AskReddit | Reddit, i need your help fast. My long time girlfriend is convinced I cheated on her and is threatening to leave me. What can I do? | Here's what happened. In the early summer I was at a kickback with some close friends. I was sleeping on the couch when my ex-girlfriend who was there came up to me and tried to make a move. I instantly pushed her off of me and left the house, and I thought this would be the end of it.
But it wasn't. I was plagued by guilt for some odd reason so I told my girlfriend about the incident on Friday (I know it was way too late, but better than never.) My girlfriend ended up messaging my ex who made the move on me because she didn't believe that nothing happened, and my ex told her that something did happen. Now my girlfriend is convinced that I cheated on her and is threatening to leave me, even though nothing happened and my ex is lying.
Any advice offered would be greatly appreciated, I really don't want to lose this girl. We have something I've never experienced before. | My ex tried to make a move on me, I didn't let her. Told my girlfriend about it, she messaged my ex, ex says I did. |
t3_1rw51p | relationships | Me [20 M] was dumped by my [18 F] girlfriend (of almost 4 years) 4 week ago. I feel like everyday I'm breaking more and more | It's been 4 weeks sine we broke up, but I still can't believe everything is done.
My girlfriend broke up with me 4 weeks ago today to date my now ex-best friend. When we were together, they hung out a lot and I knew something was up, but I didn't want to believe it. They kissed and she dumped me, while they started dating the same day.
I've been going through hell this entire month. I have never felt so down and depressed in my life. She blocked me on Facebook, but I find myself going to her other profiles (Twitter and Tumblr) just so I can get a glimpse of her, even though it stings to see them together.
I don't know what to do anymore. At first. I hung out with friends and family a lot, and that helped. But now, I don't even get that much enjoyment out of that. I feel like the things that used to bring me joy just make me feel slightly less depressed, but don't seem to help as much as they used to. I feel like everyday I'm breaking and I don't know how much longer I can stand it. The holidays are making it especially hard
The only person I feel like I can talk to is my sister. But we work different shifts, so I never get to see her at all. | She broke up with me 4 weeks ago and I don't know how to cope anymore. I feel like everyday I break more and more, and that I'm just going through the motions. |
t3_3ggr4p | tifu | TIFU by testing my piss (NSFW) | So I had a pretty bad case of kidney stones, they were extremely painful, I passed out and my roommate sent me to the hospital, there a nurse asked me for a urine sample, I couldn't provide it for her, it was pretty awkward.
About 2 hours later I suddenly felt a sharp pain in my side, but I also needed to pee, so I waddled over to the bathroom like a damn melvin, I pee into the cup and I pee so much that it overflows, I don't even notice until I'm done and there's piss all over the floor, suddenly I felt another pain in my sidebar was so sharp and sudden that it weakened my legs and I fell over and dropped the cup of piss all over myself. After crying in pain and calling for help for ages minutes a nurse walked in and saw me wallowing in my own piss. | kidney stones, sent to hospital, piss sampling, pain while pissing, cover myself in piss, nurse responds to my call for help. |
t3_2bcfy8 | relationship_advice | I'm [21,m] in an unhappy relationship with bf [41/m], why do I have such a hard time ending it? | Let me start off by saying that I am fully aware how irrational I have am being.
I have been dating my boyfriend for 7 months, I ignored many red flags in the beginning because I have never experienced chemistry like I have with him. I definitely have learned a lot about what I am not looking for in a bf and I have tried to break up with him around 4-5 times already (meaning I broke up, for some reason we failed to cut all contact and then we got back together).
I am definitely growing tired of being in an unhappy relationship and deep down I know we need to end it, but I cannot bring myself to dumping him again. I am hoping that someone has insight into what is making this so hard for me because this is so out of character for me (I normally have no problem making the logical decision).
Is it so hard for me because he is my first real bf? Is it because I stopped hanging out with my friends a few months ago when I stopped smoking weed (which makes him pretty much my only friend)? Or is it just because I really like some of the positive parts of the relationship? | I am unhappy, I know I need to break up, but I can't bring myself to do it.. Any ideas why/how to overcome this? |
t3_38livs | relationships | I [27M] have a huge crush on my coworker [27F] | This is bad. My infatuation with her has become so bad that it's affecting my work. Yes, I know. I'm too old to be like this.
Slight background, I am obviously horrible at dealing with things like this/girls. I'm 27 and have only been with 3 girls, all 3+ year relationships. Basically, I have no idea how to figure out if a random girl likes me or not.
Back to the subject at hand. I've been avoiding this girl like the plague since my first day at this job. I knew I'd fall hard for her if I ever got close to her. She was my dream girl physically, and is an awesome girl all around. We work in completely different departments with no interaction, but her cube is 10 feet away from mine, so I walk into her all the time. I was successful in avoiding contact with her for the first 8 months.
But we started talking at the office St Paddy's party, and we've been going out for lunch and coffee almost every day since.
We get along well, and I know she's single/dating randomly. I've drunkenly told her I liked her and have said things/hinted that I have a huge crush on her. But she ignores it. So I guess it's obvious she doesn't feel the same way?
So I tried to stop hanging out with her and talk to her less, but she comes over to my cube to hang out all the time and I can't tell her to go away without a good reason.
Then 2 weeks ago, I brought up several bands that were in town. She said "oh, let's go!!" And I said sure! She canceled last minute on the first band, postponed the second one, and today, she canceled again.
So I just told her forget it and she apologized and said "sorry, I shouldn't have suggested it". And changes the topic to other things.
It's really aggravating me now and I don't know what to do | Crushing on coworker, don't think she likes me, don't know what to do now. Talking to her while she ignores my crush aggravates me, and ignoring her makes me feel like an ass. |
t3_47sqcs | relationships | My [21F] boyfriend [20M] and only other friend [20M] left me on the same day and I need help coping. | Throwaway because they use reddit.
My boyfriend broke up with me last night. I know our relationship had a rocky past, mostly because of my metal illness on my part, but things really started to pick up and I thought it was going really well. But he still left and it feels so sudden and I feel like it's my fault because I wasn't able to do good enough.
As well, the other day my only other friend stopped talking to me. I don't really want to go into details but I said something about my boyfriend and after that he abruptly stopped talking to me. I've tried to contact him since then but he won't respond at all. I realized later what a stupid mistake it was, because I know he likes me, he's asked me out numerous times in the past. I reject him every time and I have no interest in dating him, I know our relationship wouldn't work. But he's the only other friend I have and I didn't want to lose that. I have social anxiety and it's really hard for me to get close to people.
I feel totally crushed right now and this is really hard for me to deal with. I feel so utterly lonely and I don't have anyone to talk to. Plus my mental illness (depression, borderline personality disorder) doesn't really help. I can't afford to go to therapy either. Does anyone have any advice on how I can cope? | My boyfriend left me and my only other friend abruptly stopped talking to me the other day. Feeling crushed and alone and need advice on how to cope. |
t3_212l80 | Advice | Contacting half brothers? | So a little back story here, my father got my mom pregnant a little bit after he got married with his now wife while the 2 of them were working together at the beach. He didn't want to leave his new wife for my mom and she ended up raising me by herself, I saw him a few times here and there but I only found out he was my biological father when I was about 10, I haven't spoken to him ever since. He lives in another country.
I do know, however, that he went on and had 2 boys with his wife and one of them is just a year younger than me (I'm 20). He talked about them a lot when he visited me and my mom so I know their names and I know their mom knows about my father's and my mom's history. I have been thinking about contacting them for a while now but I thought I'd wait until the oldest one was in college, and he is now. I don't know if I should though. What would you advise? | Father bangs mother while married to another woman, I'm born. Father has 2 other kids close to my age. They probably don't know I exist. Contact them or not?*** |
t3_wsizw | AskReddit | Should I tell my dad my step mom plans to divorce him by the end of summer? | A little background info: I'm 18 years old, still living with my dad and step mom and about to start my freshman year of college. My dad has been married to my step mom for like 4 years and dated for 4 or 5. They also have a 9 year old son together.
They have been having serious problems in the marriage. My dad has said that if it werent for the son they have together, he would get a divorce asap. Many of the marriage problems are caused by my dad, but my step mom has done some things that arent acceptable in a marriage either (not cheating or anything like that as far as i know). I think my step mom has every right and reason to divorce my dad. It's been obvious a divorce has been a good possibility for a while. My step mom and I have a good relationship and she trusts me to talk to me about anything really.
The past 2 months or so have been tough on their marriage, lots of arguments. My dad often asks me if anything is going on with my step mom that he should know about (his work causes him to leave town for 2-3 days at a time so he gets worried about what is going on at home sometimes). I always tell him everything's fine. A few days ago my step mom basically told me she plans to be out of the house by the end of summer. She told me her living plans and that kind of thing. I swore on my life basically that I wouldnt tell anyone what she tells me. Im not sure if im doing the right thing by keeping this from my dad though. | Step mom told me she plans to divorce my dad by end of summer, I promised I wouldnt tell ANYONE what we talk about. Should I tell my dad or just keep it to myself? |
t3_2rivh0 | relationships | Me [22 M] with my Girlfriend [22 F] 14mo, having problems with jealousy | A little background, my gf is finished school and is working a 9-5 job, I'm still in school with 5 semesters left. I'm in an extremely demanding program with labs and tutorials, lots of group work and working 2 shifts a week
The main issue in our relationship is a result of jealousy, not lack of time, however this lack of time is adding fuel to the fire
I have a numb of female friends in my faculty, which my gf finds extra weird as my faculty is very male dominated. However it is mainly one friend that bothers my girlfriend the most. I have known this friend for about two years and have a lot of classes in common, so our class and study schedule are often very similar. She is a hard working student like myself, so it is helpful to study together (not usually one on one, often groups of 3-6 with mutual friends). Since there is a lot of group work in my faculty, we are often working on projects together, and we're once partners for an orientation event.
This friend makes my gf so uncomfortable that she now wants me to no longer see her outside of the classroom, including studying. I can understand my gf's jealousy 100%, I see this friend more than I do her during the school year. However this friend is only a friend.
I don't want to upset my gf, but at the same time I have known this friend for a while and would feel bad essentially cold shouldering her and avoiding group work Ect.
This is a big problem in our relationship and I don't know what to do at this point. Is her asking me to not see her at all outside of class asking too much? Or am I being inconsiderate? | I see a friend at school more than I do my gf which creates a great deal of jealousy. Gf has asked me to stop seeing this friend outside of the classroom. What do I do? |
t3_1d7p6q | loseit | Down 28kg (60lbs) and not stopping. Could it become a problem? | Hi everyone!
First of all: thank you very much! You guys inspired me to lose weight and i've been doing great so far! You're the best motivation i could ever get.
I started back in December 2011. I had 107kg (235lbs) and now I have 79kg (174lbs). My target is 75kg, my wish is 70kg. I'm 175cm tall (5'7 feet).
In december 2012 I joined a local gym and started weightlifting. Thanks to weightlifting I lost about 15kg (33lbs) in 4 months. Sometimes I lost about 1kg (2.2lbs) a week, sometimes even more, sometimes I lost nothing. I try to eat about 1200kcals/day. Everythings good, right?
Well here's the problem: In my opinion I think i lose weight way to fast. 1kg per week is pretty fast. Of course I'm happy with the weightloss. But what should I do when I reach my dream weight? I can't eat more than I do now, which is about 1300kcals per day. Eating more would make me feel unconfortable and I would feel full. Should I do less sport? I do weightlifting every second day (monday, wednesday, friday/saturday). On tuesday and thursday I play soccer or run for 45 minutes.
There's also another problem: I am an hypochondriac. My father got bowel cancer one year ago. I know that he couldn't go on the toilet and take a shit and he had tummyaches. One month ago I got the same. I couldn't go to the toilet but felt that in my guts was shit. One week ago I could go again on the toilet and shit normally. But I still have to fart very often. I know that I don't have cancer, though I'm very terrified. I read that cancer could lead to weightloss, so I thougt that this would be the cause of my fast weightloss. But I'm pretty sure it's because of my diet. Is 1200kcals/day too little? (I should eat around 2000kcals a day). | I'm losing weight to fast and I don't know how to stop it. I'm eating 1200kcals/day. Should I do less sport? |
t3_25bnf7 | relationships | Me [22 M] with my girlfriend [23 F] of almost 5 years, knowing when you've broken a relationship beyond repair. | As of only 10 days ago, I broke the news that I wasn't graduating on time because I had dropped classes due to financial/time restraints. Being the prideful and stubborn individual that I am, I thought that I could fix it on my own and didn't tell anyone, not even her.
Now, she is the sort of woman who values honesty above almost anything else, and this came as a big blow to our relationship, understandably. Now, having been together for as long as we have, this breach of trust is wholly my fault and I am willing to accept any consequences and make any effort to save this relationship. A sentiment that I have repeatedly made know to her in my attempt to save our relationship.
The hardest part is that she has always shown me so much love, and I have always tried to be the best I can for her. But this, it seems may be too much. She has decided to try and save the relationship with me, but so far day after day I can feel her anger and how hurt she is. I fear that she may stay with me just because she is afraid to loose a long term relationship. Or more pathetically, to leave me "alone" as many of my friends have moved cross country for post college careers.
I guess my main point is, at what point do I put the nails in the coffin and let her get on with her life and find someone who can make her happy again. Or how long do I keep trying to salvage this relationship before it's not fair to her anymore. I should note that she is the kind of person who could perpetuate a "relationship" of anger and distrust for some time before taking the courage to break it off.
I would go to the ends of the earth to make this work, but I don't want to feel like I'm dragging a caged bird along with me. | I fucked up my loving, long-term relationship through lying (no infidelity). How long do I try and fix it before determining whether it can even be fixed? |
t3_1k2aef | relationships | [22F] & I [21M] - Are we too attached to each other? Going on vacation and it'll be the longest we don't see each other. | We've been together for ~3 years typically see each other at least 4 times a week and we love seeing each other. Inseparable if you will. We'd see each other everyday if possible. I'm aware of the "honeymoon phase" since people have said that's what we're in, but **does that usually last years?**
Of course we'll have fights sometimes or I'll upset her for whatever reason. Typical couple issues. It's not like there's never anything wrong.
The longest stretch we haven't seen each other (that I remember) is probably only 3 or 4 days. And even then, it's difficult for us. Even a weekend can sometimes be difficult but usually we keep ourselves busy.
I'll be going away on vacation (just seeing some family) next week for just under two weeks and I'm already feeling anxious. I feel fine now but sometimes I think about just staying home instead.
**What can I do to "not miss" her? | Usually see s.o. most days of the week, going on vacation and won't be seeing her for the longest stretch since we've been dating. |
t3_y01ew | relationship_advice | Didnt plan my SO's birthday and now we arent on speaking terms. | So last night was my SO of two years [m] birthday, and currently we are in another city for school business this entire week. He gets off at 5 PM everyday so I was researching stuff to do when he got off. Problem is, I don't have any accessible money because my credit union is only available in my hometown. I know that the tourist-y places around the city are extremely expensive so I didn't want to plan all these places for sure without his consent if its on his dime. I am going to reimburse him for everything when we get back. But as soon as he gets in the car, its obvious I have vague plans.
This begins a series of "you didn't plan my birthday" and "this is the worst day in my entire life" and "all my girlfriends planned something and you have nothing, you didn't even try". Last night I slept on the floor in the hotel room. I don't know what to do. Its morning now and he hasn't spoken a word to me. Is it over? For reference, on my last birthday we didn't go anywhere, he didn't plan anything, and I was sad but not livid. So I'm completely taken aback because he said birthdays are not a big deal to him. | Planned my boyfriends birthday too vague and now hes miserable and so am I. He never seemed too into birthdays but money problems on my side have prevented me from having clear plans. |
t3_28j1v1 | personalfinance | Anybody here knows how to negotiate NJCLASS loans? | Mine went into default and I've been told they are one of the worst lenders to deal with. I just found out they are private loans - I thought they were federal. When I applied for that loan, my impression was that it's some kind of tuition assistance/loan provided by the state of NJ. =(
I have around 15K debt and will have no income in August 2014 ( will try my hardest to get baby-sitting jobs or anything I can fit in my class schedule. I will be a full-time nursing student with expected graduation date of May 2017 (the program is ladderized. One has to be CNA first, then LVN, then RN, then BSN. The program is cheap though, I will never put myself further in debt).
Oh, and the defaulted debt is being handled by a lawyer named Craig? and so far my tax refunds were offset two years in a row ($1700~). Should I contact him now or when I am back in school fulltime? | SO, 15K DEFAULTED NJCLASS DEBT; BACK IN SCHOOL FULL-TIME; NO EXPECTED INCOME UNTIL DECEMBER 2014-JANUARY 2015. WHAT TO DO? |
t3_3chho0 | relationships | I [26F] feel like I am losing attraction to my boyfriend [25M] due to intellectual differences. | My boyfriend [25M] and I [26F] have been dating for a little over two years and it's mostly been great. We started out as great friends which morphed into dating, and we have a lot of fun together. I really love him.
However, lately I've been struggling more and more with what I feel is an intellectual compatibility issue. I love to spend time talking about life, and feelings and analyzing things. Not only does my boyfriend not do this, he simply doesn't think like that (he's an engineer and thinks more logically I think). I've realized that verbal affirmation and deep talks are very important for me to feel fulfilled in a relationship, and I need more of it. We've talked about this repeatedly, but lately I feel like we will just never get anywhere and it's an incompatibility thing. I think it's starting to make me lose both respect and attraction for him, which is not what I want. It's making me doubt the relationship and not want to be around him as much. I do love him a lot.
Another important point is I have a history of struggling with depression and anxiety. I believe this makes me have mood swings that make it a bit hard to always gauge where my feelings for him are, and worry excessively about things. This is also my first LTR, so I lack a lot of experience to tell if what I'm feeling is normal - for me - in a relationship.
Does anyone have any advice? I'd especially like to hear from people who are in similar relationships and have made it work. | I feel like intellectual differences are making me less attracted to my boyfriend. I'm not sure if it's just a phase. Has anyone been through something similar? |
t3_2ca7fp | relationships | I [25M] started dating [23F] 3 weeks ago, but she is moving in a month if she gets this job, what do I do? | So like I said we've been together for about 3 weeks now. It doesn't seem like a summer fling/fuck buddy type of thing. We are actually really good for each other and seem to really like each other.
She had a job interview last week in a city out of state, about 3 hours away. They are having her come back tomorrow for another interview where they could just offer her the job. If she doesn't get the job she will probably stick around for another month but still plans on leaving the state, possibly to Colorado (no where near us now).
We both obviously knew she was leaving this fall when we got together. Problem is, we never talked about it in the context of what it meant for us. We just kinda went with the flow and have never had an 'us' talk.
Our mutual friends started dating at the same time as us and they are in the same situation with the girl leaving this fall. They talked about it and what it meant for them right away and it seemed to work well for them.
Just wondering what I should do. Keep going with the flow, see how things look in a few weeks when its closer to September? Try to talk now while our relationship is going pretty well?
Hoping to hear from some people who may have been in a similar situation. | Do I try to have an 'us' talk with the girl I've been seeing that is looking for jobs out of state for this fall? |
t3_141kxl | pettyrevenge | That is my car. | So when I was younger, maybe 3-4 years old, I had one of these bad boys:
My cousins came over, they are a bit challenged but they have full conscience to what they do and their behavior is not altered because of it, there's three of them. I forget the oldest ones name but he's not important in this story.
I'm just rolling in my badass-mobile when these two kids Dakota(5-7 years old) and Dylan (3-5 years old) come and pull me out of my badass-mobile and I go running as fast as my little 3-4 year old legs could get me to my mom and start crying about how they took me out of my car and they were so mean and to do something about it.
She told me this: "Well if you're so upset, go do something about it!" It may sound a bit rude but it really just was saying you gotta do things for yourself, and I did.
I got angry, really angry and the little amount of adrenaline pumped through me and I ran over to that car which now had both Dakota and Dylan in it and pushed it over. I was so pissed off, but so strong because of the adrenaline that I pushed over two kids that ultimately weighed 150 pounds and I weighed a mild 30-70 for a 3-4 year old.
They cried , complained and got mad and needless to say so did their mother (sadly, my aunt *sigh*) and started to yell at me.
Let's just say , my parents backed me up well and they left pretty quickly.
Fuck I still hate those kids, even though two are older than me and the other is a annoying little temperamental fuck head, if they annoy me they know what's coming (i'm much larger than them). | kids kicked me out of my badass-mobile , I pushed two kids over while they were in it , their family got pissed off and my family told them to fuck off |
t3_h68ci | BreakUps | i'm tired of people telling me it's for the best | i'm a 20m. she's a 20f. she's in school an hour and a half away. not the problem. we broke up three weeks ago after almost three years because it's both of our first relationships and she doesn't feel as sure of herself as i do. she's always had self esteem issues. even THAT isn't necessarily the problem. my problems is that i'm tired of people telling me that they don't know what to say to me, or ending up saying that maybe it's for the best. maybe she just needs time. well, i wasn't the one that wasn't sure of their feelings. i KNEW i wanted to be with her. it's not that we were animous to eachother, but she thinks it's not fair to be together if we're not on the same page. that's all fine and good. i get it, i guess, even though i hate it. but it's so fucking hard to get over it. i spend all day every day thinking about her. people tell me to be distracted. doesn't help. get away from home. doesn't help. and when i try to acknowledge the anniversary that would have been yesterday she doesn't say anything because she "didn't know how to respond." her friend, who has been a source of comfort to me for the last couple weeks, tells me that she doesn't think i should talk to her. what the fuck am i supposed to do, and why does it seem like she's having such an easy time with it? (though, to be fair, she says she has just as much trouble with it, but she's more able to distract herself) | i fucking hate how i feel and i don't get how i'm supposed to move on. she makes it look easy. |
t3_dei8a | AskReddit | I think some of my co-workers are getting screwed over. Reddit, what can I do? | First off, I am in Ontario, so the relevant labour laws are those of Canada and Ontario.
Here's the situation: I work in a retail store as a part-time junior manager. Myself and all of the part-time employees are paid fairly, as we log our hours and they have to pay for all time logged. However, I believe that the full-time employees are getting screwed in regards to overtime. Last I checked, full-time in Ontario was 44 hours in a week, and anything over that should be paid as time and a half. The one individual I am thinking of mainly here is scheduled regularly for about 47 hours in a week, and is frequently forced to work beyond that (for instance, on our schedule a closing shift is supposed to end at 8:30, but in reality we are almost always there until at least 9). As a full-time employee he is paid as if he works just the 44 hours, which he gets as a regular pay-cheque.
The other main concern I have is for my assistant manager. She works very very hard and is always super-stressed (we have a severe staff shortage right now, on top of everything) and she easily pulls an extra 20 hours a week. She does so "voluntarily" (she doesn't technically have to, but if she doesn't the place will fall apart and she could lose her job - a constant fear for her). The worst part is that neither of these people seem to realize this is wrong, and they just tolerate it like they have no choice!
Reddit, is there anything I can do for these people? I need to know if what they're being forced to do is legal, and if not what the best way to get them what they deserve is. The way I see it, a staff shortage is no reason to stiff people on overtime. The fact we're all pulling extra weight should entitle them to it. I don't want to get anyone in trouble, and I fear that if I go to upper management with this, they'll take it out on them or the store in some negative way. | Full-time employees at my retail job are getting screwed out of overtime and I want to help them. What can I do? |
t3_qhdwe | AskReddit | Hey Reddit... Is there anyone out there who knows how to get a free queen or full size mattress set? | My money has been quite saturated with the amount of bills I have.
Backstory (no pun intended): I had been involved in several accidents from my 18-21 years of age. I just had recently been diagnosed with a form of scoliosis. I have been in treatment for the past year. My back has greatly improved! I can't say I have felt like this in years. I feel like a young guy again.
Anyway, I've never had a brand new bed. Ever. I'm a heavy guy, 230-250lb at about 17% BMI, and 6' 2". So most used mattreses usually ware out in a few years. Especially the box spring. I've tried my best to compensate. You know, build my own box spring out of scrap, but then the springs wear out.
Anyway, throughout the day I feel fine as my spine lines up again. But in the morning after sleep, I feel like crap.
I spent the night at a female friend's house one day and she had this awesome tempurpedic that made me literally skip with joy when I got off of it--the bed...
I seek a tempurpedic. If anything something as durable / comparable. I'm sure there's a way out there that I'm unaware of. | Poor, skillful college guy, who seeks mattress set. Willing to exchange services like websites and stuff for good new mattress set. |
t3_czc9j | AskReddit | Want to adopt a dog? Nope! You're not good enough! | I currently have two dogs that I purchased in the past from reputable breeders. After watching countless depressing tv commercials with the Sara McLaughlin songs, I promised myself that if I were to add another canine into the family, that I'd adopt from a shelter. So I go onto petfinder.com and search for a dog in the local area. I find out that the adoption requirements for homeless dogs are ridiculous. No wonder the shelters are overrun with animals.
The mandatory requirements include at least two personal references, a veterinarian recommendation, a home inspection (must own), an interview before the adoption, an interview/check-up six months after the adoption, an agreement to enroll the dog into training classes, a receipt for a prepaid neuter/spay procedure from a vet or clinic, a $400 fee, and they want to speak to my boss and verify my employment. Even after agreeing to their terms, I was rejected because I don't have a fenced in yard for my prospect indoor dog. Everyone is telling me to adopt, but I have been deemed an unfit parent for a homeless dog. What else am I supposed to do? I'm pretty sure I can buy an AKC registered dog or even one from a backyard breeder on craigslist with the $400. | The requirements to adopt a dog are ridiculous, my hands are tied so i just want to buy from an AKC breeder. |
t3_16rh94 | jobs | The Effectiveness of Approaching HR Directly | I've been hearing nothing but negatives about the hiring process -- jobs are posted for positions the managers have already decided on; listed positions are always either entry level or require 5+ years of experience. These stories are all over r/jobs.
Seems to me like bypassing this process altogether would be our best bet. I'm debating the effectiveness of sending a hiring manager my resume and a cover letter out of the blue.
This 'I just met you, here's my resume' technique should have advantages to the 'apply and pray' method... if it succeeded in getting anyone to look at your resume. You become more than a number, for one. I'm not sure how companies would react to this kind of cold-calling. | are there any success stories about cold-mailing your resume in the hopes there's a demand for someone with just such a major? Any horror stories? Is this a pipe dream? |
t3_392ocr | relationships | Me [28 M/F] with my gf [25 M/F] of 4 years, she's adamant about not ever having kids, I do. Should I end it? | I've been with my gf for over 4 years. She's always been a somewhat anti-traditional girl, doesn't want to be arm candy, wants to be her own independent woman, hates the role of the housewife (cleaning and cooking, despite always complaining about how my place is always messy). She's also very indecisive and afraid of commitment. (dont know if thats relevant, just thought i'd include as much info as possible)
She also says she never wants kids. I've always brushed that comment off and dismissed it as shes being young and that she'll change as she grows older. I really want kids one day and this is something I've known from since I was a kid. I have no desire to have kids in the near future, probably not for another 4-5 years, but I know that I will not be happy if I were childless.
Recently, the girlfriend and I have been talking about our future a bit. I've been trying to get her to move in and start building a life together and one of the discussions came up about kids. She reinforced her views that she does not ever want kids and when pushed she backtracked a little bit from "never" to "I know for sure I don't want kids right now and having kids has no appeal to me, if i were you I wouldn't expect that to change". Now I'm rethinking this whole relationship. I don't want to be dating for another couple years, maybe get married, only to find out she was serious and she never wants kids. And I don't want to be in a relationship where I feel like I am trying to convince her to change or for her to reluctantly have kids and resent me for it. We got into a pretty big fight and not currently talking.
What should I do? I love her to death and have been planning on marrying this girl and spending my life with her, but this kids issue is an absolute deal-breaker. Should I just break it off or hope she changes as her internal clock gets older? | Girlfriend of 4 years says she never wants kids. I do. Break it off or stick with it and hope things change? |
t3_1i6jab | relationships | Me[24/F] with my bf [21/M] 3,5 years, Is he unreasonable? | Last night we had a fight. It was after we worked all day for 11 hours in different restaurants. My colleagues decided to eat out after work, so I called my bf if he want to come too. He said: 'yes, but i'm with the car'. Then I said: 'oke, you can park your car near the restaurant'. He said: 'No that is too expensive. Pick me up at (location)'.
I didn't want to, because I was very tired (The night before I slept for 4 hours, because I went out. So I was already cranky all day) and hungry. But I picked him up anyway.
Finally we were in the restaurant, where the others were waiting. In the middle of the table there was a big plate of salad for everyone. So I ate some. My bf said to me: 'Ey where's my salad?!' I got angry and looked at him and said: 'get it yourself. I'm not your dog. First you say: Pick me up and now where's my salad?!'
Then he went furious and said: 'You did not say that?! I always pick you up!. I said: 'i know, but it is the way you ask things' He said: 'I don't want to hear about it. We are done! You are so unreasonable. I don't want to see you anymore. I can't believe you always get mad about these things'.
The next day I called him to talk about it, but he yelled through the phone. I did not had the chance to talked to him, because he hung up after he was done yelling.
He always yell when he is angry. Not only to me , but also to his parents or little brother. When I tell him not to yell, he says: 'If I don't yell, you won't listen!' | bf got mad and broke up with me, after I was angry of the way he "asks"/command me things. |
t3_1ejz9p | relationship_advice | [21/m] very attracted to another woman | hey reddit, this is my first post after reading for many months, so please excuse me, if I'll do something wrong here.
I have a serious problem. I've been in a relationship with my gf for almost 3 years. I had to move to another country for a year because of college, so we're on a long distance relationship right now. We had our ups and downs, she visited a lot, but right now it's pretty bad.
The bigger problem is that I am very attracted to my female friend (who is part of the group of people who came here through college). I am really confused and emotionally mixed up, because I really love my gf, but this girl makes me feel so different every time I see her. I'm not sure if I fell in love or just have a crush on her or whatever, but it's definately more than just sex.
We are a small group of people who hang out constantly and I don't wanna make the situation awkward for us. It's also almost impossible to avoid seeing her, beause like I said, we all hang out together and I don't wanna give up that either.
What would you recommend? I really tried my best in ignoring her my feelings towards her, but I just can't, as soon as I see her, I want to spend every minute with her, alone. She also is a ld-relationship.
This is a really messed up situation. In some moments I just wanted to tell her about my feelings, but what good would it bring?
I hope I didn't forget anything important. | I am in a ld-relationship and kinda fell in love with another girl (who is in a ld-relationship herself). What to do? |
t3_2yqoum | running | Rather than something along the lines of a "Repetition Rule", how about "NO LOW CONTENT POSTS"? | Most of us honestly don't give a shit if you broke 15:00 for 5k or if you just ran your first mile in your lifetime. We are seeing a lot of upvotes on posts like this and at least its understandable. However, there are other posts out there that are being ignored despite potentially containing great advice within them.
I can't remember the content involved in today's deleted post, but I've seen the "I ran my first 5k" posts that are both high content and low content. I've also say "I won a 5k for the first time" to the top despite having ZERO content, and "I broke 16 for the first time" that actually gave a solid training background.
What do I mean by content? background info, training info, asking questions on how to further improve the running, etc. The questions I would like to see answered for those who are posting accomplishments and asking for advice, etc.:
1. Training Background: What was your training like over the past 6 months and more specifically the most important month for your post(injuries, most recent month. performance accomplishments, the 2-3 months prior.)
2. (If you don't have much of an answer to #1, especially for newer runners) Briefly describe your physical background. Were there any significant changes in your physical activity over the years? What was the highest 1-3 year average of your daily physical activity?
3. What questions that you can ask to seek advice from r/running? (if I were a mod, this would be a must for the "I ran my first mile" type of posts)
I'm sure there are other types of posts that can fall under "Low Content" but at least external links such as training articles (e.g. A LOT of what you find on Runners World) and running discussion (e.g. LetsRun's "Weekly That Was" weekly post) are not low-content. The Content is inside the link itself. | If you are going to brag about your accomplishments or talk about your most recent injury, at least give us a solid background in the lead up to your injury or accomplishment. |
t3_oh3pc | loseit | DAE have this problem with their weight loss journey? | A bit of background... I'm a 31/F, made changes in March 2011 (at around 200lbs, 5'5") to better my life. Lifestyle changes, diet changes, quit my job to go to school. Everything is fabulous and going well. Since then, I have lost 40lbs (thank you r/loseit!) and feel fantastic.
*However*... I still have some work to do. I'm at 160 currently, still have around 20lbs to lose. Around October of last year was the first time someone said to me, "You're looking really great. I can't believe how much weight you've lost!" and since then... I just stopped. I haven't lost a pound since October, but I haven't gained either. I'm doing well with maintaining, but I feel like I've lost the motivation to be more strict with my calorie counting and exercising.
It feels like as soon as someone noticed (without a prompt) that I've made progress, I just kind of... gave up. I don't know where my motivation went, but I sure do miss it. :s Anyone else have this problem? How did you conquer it?
xo | Have lost 40lbs. Someone complimented me on my progress, and I suddenly lost my motivation to continue. What do? |
t3_38qrnw | relationships | Me [29F] with my [30/m] husband of 11 yrs debate on leg/face shaving for sex | Been married 11.5 years. We have three kids, a new baby of 5 months with health problems. I am adjusting to cycle on mirena so sexy fun time doesn't happen very often. I am in the mood and have the energy tonight. I asked husband to shave face. been since sunday. he asked if I shaved my legs, been since sunday. I told him its not the same thing if I have my legs shaved vs him having his face shaved. I said let reddit decide tonights fate. | I think it's ok for my legs to not be shaved, but I want his face shaved. He says if my legs aren't shaved he shouldn't have to shave his face. |
t3_3s2dgv | relationships | Me [26 F] with my boyfriend [27 M] of over a year, boyfriend lied about watching porn every day while I'm at work, not sure how to feel/do, and wondering if he's a porn addict. | Throwaway account for obvious reasons.
Okay so my boyfriend [27 M] and I [26 F] met a while back (over a year) on Tinder and really hit it off. He's a great guy, doesn't flirt with other girls, hasn't ever cheated, loves me a lot, wants to get married etc. I'm head over heels for this guy.
Now a while ago I knew he was watching porn from finding it on the computer but he's still been hiding it... I found out he IS looking at porn every day by snooping on his phone. I already have a low self-esteem in the first place (I'm good looking but I have my insecurities like everyone else), but the fact that he's only looking at porn **every day** while I'm at work (and MILF porn at that?) makes me wonder if he's a porn addict? Is that regular stuff for guys? And then there's the fact that he lied about it. And I think our sex life is great... we have sex every night religiously, and even every morning too. In the past two weeks for example we've had sex every night and morning, except for 3 different days where we only had sex at night. All the friends I've asked say that's already a ton of sex. We both initiate. I've even offered and told him that he can record us having sex, masturbate with my panties or stuff (previous ex-bfs did that and I feel a lot more comfortable with that), wear lingerie... but he doesn't seem interested in doing any of that. I just don't like that while I'm out there working hard for us to have a nice house, he's at home beating his meat to other chicks and lying about it. And with him watching porn, that means he's literally having about 3 orgasms a day. Am I over-reacting? Is he addicted to porn? Is this normal behavior for guys? | BF [27 M] and I already have tons of sex, offered to do special things for him, doesn't seem interested, but still watches tons of weird porn and wondering if he could be a porn addict. |
t3_kru3m | AskReddit | I work at Best Buy and I am bullied by management for giving low scores on the Employee Satisfaction Survey. What is the smartest way to handle this situation? | Someone told my store manager that I gave all 1's on the survey(the lowest score). This is not true, at all. Even if it were, employee surveys are supposed to be confidential. Many employees heard the store manager and my department manager talking about how people like me bring the whole store down and such. Isn't that circulating rumors based on he said she said? I am part time and used to get between 20-30 hours a week because of my sales performance. This week I was given 8 hours although I still perform the same and I also got written up for being late to work. I was wondering why I was getting the stare down from other managers and why my hours were being cut for no reason. Now I know. What is the best way to handle this? | Management is bullying me because my store got the lowest score on the employee survey and they chose me as a scapegoat based on a lie. |
t3_17tjb3 | relationships | Cheater (F,24) I know, I'm terrible. But advice is needed | So my relationship has been very rocky the past few months due to drug issues on my SO's part. We're in our 20's and have been together for 3 years. We go through intense periods of withdrawal and end up sleeping in different rooms for days at a time. We're currently going through one of those periods.
Last night I went to a bar with some friends and ending up talking to this guy for over an hour. He's in his early 30's, very charming, (and this is the part where I'm going to get downvoted to hell) but I felt an intense connection with him and we ended up making out. I should add that I was drunk, but that doesn't change the fact that I kissed him. He didn't know that I was in a relationship until I got a call from my SO. The guy ended up leaving after I told him and I feel terrible about the whole situation.
I really want to apologize to the guy, but don't know if that would be wise. Would he appreciate it? Would an apology add insult to injury? I'm really torn. I'm sure that I'll see this guy again at some point because we live in a small town and his brother is part of my group of friends, so
I would like to resolve this if possible.
I know, I'm terrible but don't have any intention of telling my SO about this incident. And yes, I know I'm an asshole who doesn't deserve to be with anybody, I know that I should come clean to my SO, and I know that cheating is horrible. | I cheated on my SO last night. Should I apologize to the guy I cheated with? He didn't know I had a SO and I've probably made things very weird for him. |
t3_sqkv0 | jobs | Getting a bad rap from someone I never worked for? | So I spent two years as an all-star digital producer for an awful company. I killed it as far as numbers goes and my portfolio looks incredible as a result.
The last 2 months of the job changed everything, they laid lots of people off, and my boss quit...so I was unsupervised for the remainder of my time there...sort of.
This new guy comes in 2 weeks before I'm out (I put in my months notice before he started and actually told this new guy I was leaving prior to this). I realize right off the bat this guy is a snake, a real terrible person, with no experience. So at the advice of my previous boss I was told to keep my head down and power through, tried my best not get on his bad side, delivered as usual...but now I hear this:
**I never listed him as a reference**, but an employer I applied with knew him and decided to call. He bragged to my replacement (who I kind of know) that he told them I was awful to work with and to definitely not hire me.
What can I do about this? Because it seems like I can't do much. I always list my former boss as a reference, a long with two other employees that are still there...but? Can I do anything? | Guy replaces my boss two weeks before my last day, after I leave he bad mouths me, throws me under a bus, and tells other employers not to hire me. What can I do? |
t3_2te0ow | weddingplanning | How do I respond to awkward questions? | Hey Weddit.
So, I'm[27F] not getting hitched, but my younger brother[23M] recently proposed to his super lovely girlfriend, now fiance. And it's incredibly exciting, and I adore his significant other, and I knew it was coming and couldn't have been happier. What I didn't know was coming were the awkward questions.
When I excitedly tell friends, coworkers, etc about the impending nuptials, I keep getting asked if "I'm jealous he beat me to it" or if "it hurts to see your younger brother tying the knot before [I] do", or some question that insinuates that I am now a bitter spinster since my brother has beat me in the race down the aisle.
At first, I was responding with things like "I'm so excited for [fiance name] to be part of the family, how could I be jealous?" or "Thanks for your concern, but I'm not sure I want to get married ever." Both of which are true. But this seems to add fuel to the fire, and they think my responses are an admission of this perceived sibling rivalry, or avoidance which means I must be bitter!
I really just want to shut this down, because it's not only super awkward for my brother and I. But also awkward for my boyfriend, who now has had people hint to him that I'm clamoring for a ring. (Hint. I am not.)
What do I say? | Many people I know are asking if I'm jealous of my younger brother's wedding plans. I am nothing but excited for him. How do I make it stop? |
t3_1uel3p | relationships | Me(20'sf) ex(30m) Been broken up for several months. He moves on fairly quickly. How do I move on? Maybe a big move, new state,new job? With what I do I'm able to move anywhere really,in the US that is. | It was a very nasty break up over a big misunderstanding. He's made it clear that he's moving on. Going to date other girls,might still be attracted to me but it's no big deal to him he's attracted to a lot of women,encouraged me to begin dating other guys.
I'm just still having a hard time letting go. I'm working a lot and doing an internship on weekends to stay busy but that will only last another month.
I've never had self esteem issues. I don't want to come off wrong but I know I'm a great catch and that I look good. I get asked out on a regular basis. But when you really loved someone and they can say horrible things to you, you begin to wonder.
Don't get me wrong I've pushed his buttons too and he did apologize for what he said but it's happened before and there always seems to be a but after the apology. There's never a I was wrong period. No matter what you've done or are doing I was wrong for what I did. There's always been a but. I had that to until I got counseling and had to apologize and take full responsibility for my part. Which I did.
I'm probably not making sense but I just need to know how to get myself to move on. Maybe I'm jealous that he's able to where I haven't been. | Not making much sense over a break up but really could use some insight and help. Any advice or suggestions? What about making a big move to a new state and a new job? Good idea? Bad idea? |
t3_14pltg | relationships | 22 [f] still guilty about indiscretions on bf [23] about three years ago. | My bf and I have been together for about five years, when we first started at the same college together. We're very in love and things are great. However, about three years ago, I went through I guess what you'd call a "dark period". I was depressed and I started drinking to the point where I'd black out or just be incapacitated. During some of these times, I fooled around with other guys. Sometimes my consent was definitely questionable but I chose to drink so I don't want to make excuses for myself. This went on for two months or so. How this whole "dark period" ended was with me trying to kill myself and everyone finding out, including my parents and my bf, who had no idea up to this point, because I got caught the next morning by my roommate (obviously didn't succeed, but I was very groggy/out of it from what I'd taken.)
He doesn't know about the other guys. I still feel guilty and paranoid to this day and sometimes I wonder if I can continue a longterm relationship with someone when to me, I've tainted the relationship with my shitty behavior. I am pretty sure he would drop me in a minute if he knew, though. | Went through a period three years ago where I'd black out and find out I had messed around with other people, still guilty about it. |
t3_16c2l0 | relationship_advice | Am I[f/35] too old for this? [m/35] | My story: F[35] in a relationship with current bf[m/35] for over a year. We love each other dearly. He gave me a promise ring, he tells me he loves me all the time, I feel the same about him.
Now, I've been around for some time and have had a few failed relationships. My last bf lied and cheated on me, was abusive and had mental illness. I was too blind to notice at first and then was in denial for a long time. So, I came out very hurt and my trust in men was almost completely destroyed.
My current bf who I feel is the love of my life has an ex in his past that he is unwilling to let go of. He claims they are just friends, that I have nothing to fear and gets upset if I say anything to indicate how insecure their relationship makes me feel. He is not upfront about them keeping in touch and only admits to it after I ask. The biggest red flag to me was when he hid a Xmas card she sent him. (He later told me he hid it because he didn't want to upset me.)
The whole thing just makes me uneasy. There may well be nothing going on between them and I know I have issues but am I too old for this? How do I continue to live in this constant fear that something may happen between them and he will continue to hide it from me as not to hurt me? Some days I feel like it's my fault for feeling like this, some days I feel like he is not 100% honest even with himself about what he actually wants with his ex. | I am afraid my bf is not telling himself and me the truth about the nature of his relationship with his ex. What do I do? |
t3_3mfqn7 | relationships | My SO [21F] blows up over the tiniest things and I'm [21M] trying to find the missing puzzle piece or what I need to change in myself. | Just a little backstory to my relationship. We are both 21 years old and I just got out of the military and she was living with her ex. We have been friends for years but kind of on and off for a couple years after high school. I recently reconnected with her and things went well for a little while so she decided to move in with me. Everything changed.
Things were great for a little bit as well but now I can't even go a day without her just totally blowing up on me over random things that don't really hold a lot of significance in my opinion, for example the dog chewed up the ciggs on accident or I broke one of here earings during sex. And I don't mean like a silly little argument, like I mean I'm sleeping on the couch kind of argument. I love this girl to death and I have really cared for her for years but I don't know if she's trying to tell me something or she just doesn't respect me or if it's something I just am missing. Any third party opinion is greatly appreciated. | Constantly fighting with my girlfriend, who I love dearly, over the tiniest things and I'm just trying to save a little face. |
t3_2altmx | relationships | My [24F] girlfriend isn't that affectionate with me [22M], How do deal with this situation? | I met my current girlfriend 4 months ago and we've been dating ever since. The first few times we kissed were nothing more than a few kisses goodnight. When we started making out more I noticed that she was kissing quite awkwardly and she even called herself out on it. Saying that it's been awhile.
Her last relationship ended a year ago, in total she's had 4 serious boyfriends but only has had sex with two of them. When we were discussing out relationship history she said that it's been a very very long time that she's been touched intimately.
When I try to flirt it's sort of like she doesn't get it and doesn't flirt back. I've tried being subtle and I've tried very not so subtle and yet she doesn't flirt naturally. This I can understand since flirting/sweet talk doesn't come easily for everyone.
As for PDA's I always have to be the one to hold her hand. We've kissed and hugged in public so it's not like she's against it. I almost get the feeling that she's holding back and maybe just being timid.
As for being in private, she does come over and we just chill on the couch. We often just sit next to each other... Me tiring of always having to make a move to cuddle with her. Now I used to think that this is just a sign of - hey I need my space and don't feel like snuggling right now. But every time she either pokes or tickles me until we fool around and I end up embracing her.
So here lies my issue, if I simply bring this up it just sounds so needy and clingy (Hey why don't you hold my hand, etc). But otherwise I don't think how we can move past this. And if this is indeed because she's shy then I don't want to confuse this as her being purposely distant. | My girlfriend isn't too affectionate, I believe this is due to her lack of experience with relationships. How do I remedy this issue? |
t3_2ul3am | askwomenadvice | How can I (M/20) make my girlfriend (F/18) feel comfortable during her first time having sex? | I want to start off with a bit of background. I've had sex in the past with a few girls I've dated and only one of them was actually a virgin. I feel like I legitimately messed up because at that point, I hadn't been with any first timers. Long story short, I was told it was too much for her and we stopped almost as soon as it started and our relationship ultimately failed after a few weeks due to that and other issues.
Fast forward a year and some months later and I begin dating my current girlfriend after a few short lived relationships. She's honestly an amazing girl who's extremely innocent and doesn't even curse and it's kind of like a scene from "A Walk to Remember" (yes, guys watch romantic movies too!) because my past, like Landon's, is filled with bad decisions and mishaps that I've corrected over time.
Fast forward again to present day and my girlfriend and I have taken the initiative to start experimenting sexually and it feels nice knowing there's trust there but then I start worrying about messing up and having the same thing happen again. I know all girls are different and I don't EVER compare any two girls to each other but the fear is there.
In short, my question is "How can I make her first time better?" I know going slow and using safewords is important, I just need to know what to tell her and what else I can do so that her first time with me isn't her last and so I can help her with her transition. Our relationship is about a LOT more than sex but I don't want to ruin the whole experience with her and make it so she's terrified of it. | How can baby and I's 1st annual sexytime lovefest 2k15 be a great event for the whole gang? (I didn't want to repeat the title in here) |
t3_gkh95 | AskReddit | My mom smokes, I worry about her every day, what can I do? | Hi Reddit.
My mom is a moderate smoker (pack every couple days or so) and doesn't eat the healthiest. She's in her early 50s.
My father died of cancer a couple years ago, and I now worry about my mom almost every day. I imagine her getting a lung cancer diagnosis, and having to care for her and watching her die.
From time to time, I casually mention the various benefits to quitting smoking (her sinus problems would probably be alleviated, she'd get colds less often, all of that), and when she's off work I suggest she uses the time to quit smoking (where she won't have to worry about the stress or blowing up at work), but she blows me off.
I try not to be too confrontational/in her face about it, because I know if I do that she'll get defensive and it'll probably just discourage her from thinking about quitting.
Is there anything I can say or do to help her quit, or even just to get her to think about it? | Mom smokes, I worry about her, is there anything I can do that's not too obnoxious to get her to reduce or quit? |
t3_1m40f8 | legaladvice | Recourse from firing a contractor [KY]? | Hey /r/legaladvice;
I'm hoping I can get some information that may ease my mind. We hired a local contractor to redo our bathroom a month ago--he came well recommended from family. Prior to any work being completed we had issues for scheduling, times when he said he would arrive he didn't, times when he said he'd contact us he doesn't, and so on, but he came recommended and at affordable prices since he was a family friend. He quoted me somewhere around $250-300 to do the labor.
After we purchased all of the resources he requested (tiles, grout, backer-board, the tub, etc.), he spent an hour putting up the backer-board and applying red-guard for extra water protection. He returns a few day later and with his son, cuts the tiles and starts putting them up. However, the quality of them is just absolute crap. He left without me being able to inspect them, and I'm not happy. I could go into details, but that's not what this posting is about.
I want to fire the contractor, but here's the quandary: Because of the shit job he's done, I'm pretty certain I'm going to have to go out and re-purchase all new materials. My wife and I don't want him to return, because it's been hard enough dealing with this guy. Since I have to re-purchase the materials *and* hire someone new, I don't want to pay him. It's a bit malicious, but he was expected to do a great job and it's beyond sub-par, and we're not satisfied.
I imagine he'll be pissed, but I don't want him to finish the work. If I fire him without paying him for the reasons listed, what legal recourse could there be? I don't want this to turn into a huge dog-and-pony show, I just want my bathroom back--it's been over a month, and we're done dealing with this guy. | 1) Didn't get a contract to have a family-recommended contractor to come in a do work for me. |
t3_508pqx | relationship_advice | [Serious]Friend (f/30ish) witnessed 2 incidents of possible sex abuse by current husband towards their 2 y.o. daughter. What should she do? (Ontario,Canada) | So I'm not sure if this is the right place to post as this is my first time posting, but I'm hoping someone can point me in the right direction as I have been scratching my own head at this for a very long time.
As she described to me...
1) she saw him bounce their daughter on his crotch during play time with visible pleasure on his face that my fnd recognizes only when they're intimate.
2) Saw him tickle her crotch are during playtime. (this time she called me and asked for advice whereby I told her to kick him out which she was able to do for a week but he claims he was playing and she was seeing things.)
She's unsure of the incidents and really questions if she is just seeing things because she herself has past history of sex abuse by previous relationship and could possibly cloud her judgement... but would not risk her child's safety so she has designed her child's schedule with 0 alone time with the father via daycare/babysitter.. etc...
She has been afraid to approach anyone due to
1) doesn't want to tarnish his reputation, doesn't want to accuse if he's not a really a pervert
2) She's got anxiety/depression/self esteem issues questioning her judgements
3) Scared if divorced, he would get child custody because she is only permanent resident and him a Canadian citizen
4) If divorced, he would get alone time during child visits even if she gets custody.
So as of now, nothing further has occurred, but keeping up with expenses is getting real tough with daycare/babysitter as she's the breadwinner and although he has seasonal work, he does not pay for anything (no mortgage/food/bills..etc). What should she do? | Fnd (f) saw signs of husband's sexual interest in daughter, unsure of incidents herself, preventing alone time with husband best she can. Unsure what to do next. |
t3_mti45 | AskReddit | Do I really need to make my new US Passport card wear the little tinfoil hat it came with? | My new Passport card came with its own little tinfoil hat (envelope) to wear in my wallet. Do I actually need to keep it in that thing? I realize that it can be read from a scanner but what can they get off of it? The documentation says all that it has is a pointer to the US Customs database for my passport. This wouldn't give a "hacker" anything to work with would it? I could see wanting to keep it in its tinfoil hat if I were visiting a hostile country but the card isn't valid ID there anyway so I wouldn't be carrying it. | Is the foil lined envelope really needed or is that just something they put in to shut up the tin-foil hat crowd screaming about the RFID in the US Passport? |
t3_odoiz | AskReddit | Rashes from Clothing Dye? | A few weeks ago, I wore a new pair of dark blue wash jeggings. I also work a new wool sweater (no undershirt). I became incredibly itchy that day. I thought it was because of the sweater. Later that night, I realized that the dye from my jeans wore off and my legs were blue. I took a shower and that that would be the end of it.
Unfortunately, it wasn't. I had mild rashes on my legs. Since then, I have been getting rashes all over my body. For a couple of days, my upper thighs will be red with like goosebumps/welts on them. Some days, it will be my back. Now it's my wrists.
Has this ever happened to anyone before? Could this be a result from my jeans? The only thing that helps the pain is tons of lotion. I don't have sensitive skin. This type of thing has never happened to me before. I am going crazy. My sister wore the same pair of jeans. She got dye on her legs but no rashes. So I'm not entirely sure it is the jeans' fault.
Any advice would be appreciated. | Wore dark jeans and dye wore off on my legs. Two weeks later and I've gotten rashes all over my body. |
t3_38u6ew | relationships | My GF[28/F] of 2 months told me [33/M] that she has been tracking her ovulation. Advice? | Quick background. I am divorced with full custody of my 4 kids. She has never been married and has no children.
Okay, this is the problem, I do like her. We've had sex 3 times. It had both been awhile for us and things moved quickly. A little too quickly. We used condoms (mine) each time.
When she told me she was tracking her ovulation, I said, "I'm not ready for any little feet running around yet." She responds with, "Speak for yourself." That was the point that red flags flew up for me. It was a red flags, alarms, Captain Picard to the bridge kinda moment.
Afterward, we sat down and talked. I informed her that I won't be sleeping with her for awhile due to the remarks. I didn't know what else to do then talk it out. In the course of the conversation, she asked a question about marriage (one of those "what if" questions). I responded by saying that a couple of years is a good amount of time to get to know each other. She paused and said "2 years? Wouldn't one be enough?" I told her it was a promise to myself that I would really get to know and understand the person I married next. She seemed moderately okay with that answer but still looked disapproving.
I think she was trying to trap me with a kid and had a slip of the tongue. Maybe I'm wrong? My friends say I should cut and run. A couple say to wait it out. Things are certainly strained now. We've seen each other once since then (2 weeks ago). Work has kept us both busy. | GF of 2 months is tracking ovulation. Is she trying to trap me with a kid? Or am i over reacting? |
t3_4zdd0q | relationships | Me [24 F] with my boyfriend [24 M] of 2.5 years, I feel like an insensitive jerk towards him | My boyfriend Alex and I have been dating for 2.5 years, living together 1.5 years. We've been best friends since our junior year of high school.
I have a tendency to be really sarcastic and blunt. I also think that everyone understands that 95% of the time I am joking and never assume that someone takes me seriously. Alex has always been perfectly fine with this and never takes anything I say to heart.
The last few days, I've noticed that Alex has been really sensitive. He doesn't laugh as much when I say things and takes a lot of things I say as criticism (even though I don't mean it that way). Everything came together this morning when I harped on a joke about something minor he did for about 15 minutes, and then he started crying. He told me he felt really attacked and just wanted me to stop talking.
I was completely shocked that he had this reaction, as I thought he wasn't taking me seriously and it was understood that I was joking. I apologized immediately and he said it was fine, but I still feel like an asshole. I've realized I really do sound like a critical, negative douchebag all the time.
Reddit, how can I stop doing things like this? I need to know how to speak more sincerely and stop defaulting everything to jokes, because it's becoming very clear to me that they aren't jokes and they're hurting someone I love. I need to know how to talk to Alex about things he does without it seeming like criticism. I never want to do something like that to him again. | My sense of humor is that of a critical asshole, made boyfriend cry with it, need to know how to stop speaking like a critical asshole. |
t3_3d30e5 | relationships | My [22 M] ex [23 F] contacted me just now and I'm on the verge of an anxiety attack. | Her and I have known each other for about 3 years, and we dated from November of last year to this past May. Our break-up was fairly tame, she dumped me because she was worried things could end up poorly in the future and that she might end up putting me ahead of her school work. I simply let it happen and didn't beg for her to reconsider or anything. I knew it was hard for her to do, and it was hard for me to accept, but we let it happen.
From there on out we haven't really spoken with each other despite us having the same close-knit small circle of friends that hangs out together often. We've exchanged a text here and there, but nothing discussing our previous relationship. Our last exchange was about a week ago when I broached the subject of giving her her things that were left in my apartment(at getting my things back from her in return) but she plainly told me she was in a bad mood that day and told me it wasn't the time.
Now cut to tonight, I'm getting ready to go to bed and I get a text from her saying "I think we should get together and straighten some things out." and mentioned exchanging the things we have of each other's still.
I gave her my availability for the week, but part of me thinks there's nothing to "straighten out". She dumped me, it sucks more than I'd like to admit, but there's really nothing more to it. Reading her text felt like daggers in my chest. How should I handle this? When she gets back to me should I ask her what she'd like to speak about and if it's something I'm not comfortable with, tell her no? This is all tricky for me because like I said, we roll in the same friend group, so she's not going to be up and vanish like my previous partners. | Ex who dumped me said she wants to "meet-up and straighten some things out" but I don't think there's anything for us to discuss. |
t3_ymbr7 | relationship_advice | I cheated. In mad lust with the cheatee, but in love with my boyfriend. | I cheated on my boyfriend while I was drunk. I know, I'm a horrible person for that, but anyways. The sex was incredible. The way him and i seemed to be intertwined was amazing. He held my hands and held them above my head, it was just stunning. But, I'm still in love with my boyfriend and I wouldn't give up what we have just for some... incredibly powerful lust. The cheatee is also in a relationship that is just starting out, and I don't want to make them break up, but i feel like him and I could be good together. Anyways, what should I do? | I cheated on my boyfriend, experience was amazing. Still love my boyfriend, but I am very much lusting after the other guy. |
t3_3v68fq | relationships | I (25f) am thinking about moving to another state but am terrified of leaving my tight knit family | I have a huge immediate family. There are 19 of us which includes grandma, parents, 4 sisters, 4 bro-in-laws, 5 nieces and 2 nephews. We have dinner together every Sunday and have a constant group chat via text. Two of my sisters live in my parents neighborhood and my mom watches their kids while they're at work. I can't stress enough that I am extremely close with them.
One problem that I've experienced lately is my sisters all have their own families, I don't, so I, at times, feel like an outsider. They have kids and husbands, except my little sister who has a serious relationship she's focused on. It's hard to carry conversations with them while their kids are around or even make plans without they're kids tagging along. Don't get me wrong, I love these kids. They're a huge party's of my life and I spend so much time with them.
Not to the real issue. We live in a state that is pretty boring imo. I've never liked it here, I hate the weather and I've always longed to live somewhere else for at least a year. Mainly the place I was born and where I have cousins, aunts & uncles, etc. I've been thinking about it a lot lately, moving out of state for a little while, but it scares the absolute shit out of me.
I spend so much time with these people, to just up and leave and not see them but maybe twice in a year? Is that even realistic? I feel like I should just stay and not even risk it. I don't want to lose the bond I have with my nieces and nephews. | I'm extremely close with my family but want to move out of state. I'm scared I will lose the bond I have with them. Is it a bad idea? |
t3_z1pc7 | AskReddit | Reddit, what are some of your "better than expected" stories? | So. My story pretty much starts out like any other nice guys problem.
I just started my freshman year of college last year, and in my first class there was this girl whom, I wasn't necessarily attracted to, but made friends with. We decided to take next quarter's class together and we really got to know each other. Come the following quarter, and we literally took every single class together. I spent the night at her apartment almost every night that quarter (I commute). Around that time I realized had feelings for her because we had a lot in common and meshed well together. Blah blah she figures it out and I'm sad and I move on.
It pretty much made the beginning of my summer suck, but basically living in an apartment filled with girls helped me learn a lot and helped me get over my awkwardness. I got fit this summer, and I even heard a girl call me manly. [Better than expected, right?]( | made friends with girl, basically lived with her for a quarter, friendzoned, helped me get over being awkward. |
t3_2j45n8 | relationships | Im unsure of what I (19M) really want with my best friend(18F) and her new college best friend (18F) | So me (19M) and one of my best friends(18F) who we will call M, are both going to the same college. She lives in the dorms but I got into an apartment.
While she's been at the dorms she has met these new girls and started bringing then over to the apartment on weekends to drink and hang out. Lately me and her new friend (18F) who we will call A, have been hanging out and "talking" for a while, about three weeks now, and even give out about twice and hung out quite a few times. Everyone knows we are getting close and they are all sure and excited that we are going to get into an actual relationship and every thing except im not sure what I really want.
Back to M the best friend, I have always had feeling for her. I just never pursued because her type is actually the douche bag type. Not even joking, she goes after wavy haired guys that are literally douche bags to girls and I'm not the only one to tell her this.
Anyways lately as ive been talking to A, my feelings for M have been growing and growing. I really like her and I don't know what to do because she's one of my best friends but im talking to her best friend.
Anyone have any idea what I should do? | im "talking" to a great friends new best friends but as I progress with her, my feelings for my best friend keep getting stronger. What should I do? |
t3_oqxbh | personalfinance | Credit cards with rewards programs | I've long been one of those people with the self-control to pay off my credit cards every month, thereby using them like debit cards in order to reap the rewards.
I have these cards:
* Amazon Visa: 3 pts/$1 (3%) back on Amazon purchases, 2 pts/$1 (2%) gas stations, restaurants, drug stores, and office supply stores, and 1 pt/$1 (1%) elsewhere, points redeemable on Amazon.com (where I buy a lot of stuff)
* Southwest Rapid Rewards Visa: 2 pts/$1 spent on SWA purchases, 1 pt/$1 elsewhere, redeemable for flights
* Costco American Express: 3% cash back at Costco, 2% cash back on restaurants/travel/etc., 1% back elsewhere
* BP Visa: this one is changing, read on.
*I've kept four because I use them for very separate purposes: business crap and very large purchases on the SWA, Amazon and bills plus groceries not from Costco and gas not from BP or Costco on the Amazon card, gas and restaurants that don't accept AMEX on the BP card, and Amex for just about everything else.*
Previously, the BP card gave 5% cash back on BP gas, 2% back on restaurants, and 1% elsewhere, redeemable in a check or statement credit. It's changing at the beginning of March to a convoluted "cents off gas" or statement credit which works out to 2.14%-2.25% back on gas and 0.5% back elsewhere. **This makes it not worth keeping around because the rewards on all of my other cards are better, except on BP gas.**
So, the question is this:
**With what rewards-bearing credit card should I replace the BP Visa?** Or should I just get rid of it? I kinda like having access to another line of credit should I need it, though. | BP Visa is changing its rewards program, rendering it worthless. What rewards cards are out there that are apt to replace it? |
t3_35ozls | offmychest | I don't know what to do next. | Hi,
I'm a 17 years old boy. Everything goes well. I'm finishing high school richt now (exams). And I have a girlfriend for more than two years now. She has a lot of stress because of the exams, i know it is exhausting but the way she is behaving is not normal.
That's also where the problems start. I believe some months ago, my girlfriend started doing behaving very strange. being uninterested and thoughtless are some of the right words to describe it. We've been arguing for a while now. Everyday that has past, is not a day that has past, but is a day we survived.
She says I don't have to criticize everyday, but I don't do that everyday. What I do everyday is worry about her. The problem is that she says it's all my fault, and the stress and her strange behaviour is something that falls from the sky.
It has come to a point where she's so mad at me, I start thinking everything is my fault. Deep inside I know a relationship like this is just not meant to be. But I love her so much, more than everything.
I can't stand that she is behaving stupid like this. The only fear in life I have is not dying, but losing her.
Someone help us. | Girlfriend is behaving very careless, uninterested and thoughtless. She says it's not her fault and it happens autmatically. What should i do. |
t3_2q5p04 | relationships | Me [25 F] with my [28 M] boyfriend of 6 years: he is threatening to tell my friends and family details about my previous job in the sex industry. | Background on sex industry job: I informed him of the job when I began it and he was supportive, however, as I continued working it I noticed he was reacting badly and with jealousy. So I quit the job because I could clearly see he wasn't as alright with it as he claimed.
It has been several years since I quit that job but it seems to be held over my head and brought up during some fights. Especially when recently I found out he had been talking to many women over facebook and texting in a way I wasn't comfortable, including sharing pictures. When I told him I felt it was a betrayal of my trust he keeps bringing up my old job as much worse than what he had done. I don't feel it's comparable due to me informing him of it and not keeping it a secret, and I ended it once I realized he wasn't comfortable with it.
**Currently:** I have decided to end the relationship due to this issue and many others that I feel mean the relationship is more harmful to both of us than it is a benefit. It's been difficult because we are living together. I approached him about it with the intention of working out the living arrangements (if he wanted to keep living at the apartment while I moved out etc.) he responded very negatively and despite our issues he wants to keep the relationship going. He threatened that if we broke up he would tell my friends and family about my old job, they do not know at the moment because I wish to leave that in my past and a majority are very religious and would not respond very well (I believe).
So it has been about a week since that conversation and I've been staying with my family for the holidays. I don't know what to do, I don't want my family to know especially because I am planning on moving out of the place I share with him and moving in with a family member. | Tried to break-up with live-in boyfriend, he is threatening to tell my family and friends about a sex-industry job I have had in the past, and I don't know where to go from here. |
t3_3bojfu | Parenting | 8 yo son suddenly VERY curious about female anatomy. | My son was out of town visiting my mother for a few days and she texted me that she caught him googling "girls pee pee" (We all have the normal safeguards on our computers and we scrutinize our kids online activity). My mom handled the situation without making him feel awkward and definitely didn't make him feel like he was "in trouble". He came back today and went back to his mothers (who is aware of the situation) and she texts me that she caught him doing it again. She proceeded to let him have a Q&A about human anatomy (we're both in nursing, so we know how things work) and dug up her anatomy book to show him how the body works (physiologically not sexually). Now he's even more curious about it. My question is: how do we handle this without making it awkward for him or giving him any long term "issues"? Also, some suggestions about safeguarding your computer might help others that might read this, so add those as well. | My 8 yo was googling about the female anatomy and after a Q&A, he is even more curious. What's a parent to do? |
t3_hd3ag | AskReddit | Dear reddit, my mom and dad are deeply conflicted. I don't know who to ask for help anymore. Can anyone guide me through this? | Hello redditors,
I like to think that my family's perfect, but since I've been gone to college, my family's been slowly coming apart. My dad seems to be avoiding my mom completely and doesn't ever tell her he loves her (Hasn't even done so for a few months...), at least that's what my mom told me. Knowing my father, he's too shy or just too much of a "troll dad" to properly express his feelings. I've tried mediating but every time I do so, I become the one who they get mad at and the situation doesn't get any better.
Here's the main problem: Since I live in an Indian family, a divorce is pretty much not an option. What the hell do I do to make this situation better? | I hate to add this and I hope you read the whole thing, but my dad isn't loving my mom enough. I don't want her to suffer anymore. I'm getting desperate for help. |
t3_1ea7hz | Advice | Change to a different University Advice, Please help. | Hey fellow members of reddit. I am currently attending Louisiana State University and can't stand it. I dslike most things about the place, but the largest problem is that I have to commute approximately 1.5-2.0 hours every day monday through friday because I cannot afford to live around campus (My major requires a metric fuck-ton of work to succeed, Engineer), and if I used student loan stuff to stay on campus it would be insane! I really want to switch to ULL which has just as good of a program, would be cheaper over-all even with me using student loans so stay on campus; it would just be a great place for a reset button. Living at home as been detrimental to my grades. Last semester I had a 4.0 this semester I had a 4.0 until mid-term period where I had to move back home because of mold in my apartment that sent me to the hospital. It is a very negative atmosphere, there is a newborn that is always crying (nothing against her of course), but honestly I just cannot seem to be able to study or succeed at all. My grades dropped from all A's at the midterm point to barely C's. I've tried everything. The local library, setting up a space to study, no distractions like tv or music; I get nothing done and my parents are not very understanding as to why I can't. I want to transfer and have brought it up before because I am really unhappy in my current situation and my father replied saying that he would disown me while my mother went into an insane fit. I dont think I can handle this anymore and I know my GPA can't. Please Help.
Signed,
Taylor. | want to transfer universities because I am very unhappy in my current location/situation and it has caused my grades to drop horrendously; I need advice big time. |
t3_fm1k5 | AskReddit | Should I actually be angry with my Secret Santa? | My Secret-Santa sent me the awsomeness of Bacon and Bamboo soap. Not being sarcastic I love both of them and will be getting bamboo again.
Truly both have garnered me compliments (women like the bamboo!) and actually I was happy to receive anything.
Now, not to lie, this next part is a massive bitch/fuckin/moan...But I feel shafted after going through my Santa's comments.
After doing Summer Santa, I was fully in the mood and new what I was up for. A bit of stalking, comment reading, drunken messaging and sleuth shenanigans. Love it.
I feel shafted, though, ( no offense to the people who got nothing), cus, I read through the comments of my Santa and these came up....
Commenting on my summer gift - (which I've hung on my wall and regarding that gift MIND=BLOWN.)
Commenting about the uselessness of my hints box -
and also, a second posting on the uselessness of my hint box -
some mutual sympathizing on the uselessness of me -
again...
Which no offense dude, when you did this... ... is a fuck ton of bollocks!
My Santa posted more about me being a shit receiver than my actual giftee had in total posts. That's kind of what I'm pissed about to be honest! | Discuss; is my history so much of a stone walling that I don't need to create a throw away when I finally post nudie pics or was my giftee useless and trying to garner shit from it? |
t3_13tt17 | relationships | Bf an I [31m, 26f] can't divide up our chores without feeling like the other is not contributing enough. | We have been together for 2 1/2 years, living together for 1 year. I work from home and have a very flexible schedule, so it makes the most sense that I would do most of the cooking and cleaning, but I end up feeling so unappreciated. We've tried having one cook while the other cleans and switch everyday. We've tried having one person do both cooking and cleaning, switching everyday. We've tried me cleaning the house but him being responsible for cleaning up whenever we are done cooking, but he is so often tired from his job that he will leave dishes out for two days, which is really inconsiderate of our roommate, and if I just clean a few things for him, he doesn't appreciate it. He apparently also feels like he is doing most of the work, although for the life of me, I don't know why. It seems pretty obvious that I am. I do all our laundry, clean the house, cook half of the food, clean my own dishes from during the day, and will even clean up after him sometimes. All he has to do is the dishes, yet he still feels like I'm shafting him.
What is the best way to divide up housework so that both of us are doing the same amount? | I can't figure out how to organize our chores so that neither of us feels like we are getting the bad end of a deal. |
t3_4cg5zb | relationship_advice | I [18M] went on vacation with a family friend [18F] and I developed feelings for and now need advice for my next step. | So last week I went on a week long cruise with my family and another family that my parents have known for a while. They have a daughter of the same age, I'll call her Macy.
Macy and her family live 2 1/2 hours away by plane so we don't see each other much, but just the right amount.
So as the week started, Macy and I got caught up a bit and talked for a while. A few days into the cruise I started to have some thoughts and feelings about Macy, but didn't know that they would develop any further than that. Near the end of the week I knew for sure that I had strong feelings for her and once the cruise was over I was in a state of not knowing what to do.
We have started communicating daily since then and it's just small talk and whatever's on our minds.
I want to let her know how I feel about her but I'm not sure if it's the right move. I mean sure she lives a decent time away from me so what does it matter? Well we are still great friends and I don't want to ruin the friendship by such a silly thing. | Went on a vacation with a family friend who lives far away and, developed feelings for her. Not sure if it would be smart or not to tell her how I feel about her. |
t3_3y5e2r | relationships | Me [28M] with my date [24F], we slept together but I'm not sure how she feels. | I've recently started talking to this girl and we install had a really great connection. We talked a lot over text and soon enough a date was planned.
After the first date we plan a second date very soon after and on the second date she ends up staying the night (she already planned on staying, I learned during that night)
We slept together that night and when we come to the subject of how to continue from here/ what it meant she tells me she wants to get to know me better.
(She has mentioned a few times in earlier conversations she's not looking to waste either of our time,nor that she is interested in only a sexual relationship)
The days after the texting slows down, but she texts me she's going to be busy the next couple of days; but that she would like to hear from me.
We're meeting up soon, she says she looking forward to it when I mention being in the same bed in a flirty remark, but she won't directly tell me how she feels about me and that 'she would like to get to know me better'.
I feel like I'm being insecure and she's actually interested but previous encounters with woman who have been dishonest about their intentions have made me careful/insecure. | slept with date, asked how she felt about me, she tells me she wants to get to know me better and we'll have another date soon (date been planned) |
t3_53ax9i | relationships | My (21f) boyfriend (22m) and I hardly have sex anymore. | My boyfriend and I have been together for two years, living together for one. I feel so loved and so appreciated in this relationship it's ridiculous. He makes me feel amazing and I try my best to make him feel the same way.
But we never have sex anymore. I know that after a little while in a relationship the amount of sex we would have would dwindle, but I never expected it to drop off this much. We probably have sex once a fortnight and it is always the same way. It's always in the morning before we get up and always spooning. There's no foreplay and sometimes I'll be woken up just by him trying to get inside me. I have brought it up several times, how I'd like us to have sex more often, in different ways, I'd like more foreplay. I've asked him to tell me about his fantasies so I can explore them with him but he says he doesn't have any.
He rarely watches porn or jerks off so I don't think that's the problem. It just seems like his sex drive doesn't exist any more. Hes been struggling to find a full time job and so I think he's a bit depressed but he refuses to see a doctor about it. I just don't know what to do any more. We've had the same conversation 100 times. I don't feel desirable to him at all and every time I try to initiate sex I get shut down. I'm too scared to try now because it hurts my feelings always being told no. I love him so much and I just want that closeness with him again.
This is all over the place and I apologise I just can't get my thoughts straight.
What else can I do? | Bf and I hardly ever have sex, when we do its exactly the same. Being rejected all the time is effecting my self esteem. Had countless conversations, what else can I do? |
t3_1r4q65 | relationships | How to I [19M] ask my friend [19F] to pay me for my work? | My friend commissioned me to draw something for her that was pretty involved, and now owes me £35. I am an aspiring concept artist/graphic artist and this was my very first proper commission, so I didn't really know how to go about it, but she was extremely happy with it, and said that I did a great job listening to her and making it perfect for her. I had planned to show her low quality previews, request payment, *then* give her the high resolution finished piece, but it was the middle of the night and I wanted to get it over with. Still, she's my friend, it's not like she's going to rip me off right?
It has been 2 weeks now. I sent her an invoice the day after I sent her the finished piece, and then I sent her a reminder a week after that. She's not responding to me, and it's even more awkward because it was recently her birthday and I didn't get her a present (she's my friend, but I thought we had drifted apart quite a bit, and I didn't feel obligated to), still, it feels weird asking money from her right now - even though it's technically for my job. I'm also purely communicating with her via facebook, since she lives in England. What do I do? | Did a comission for my friend, sent her an invoice, and a reminder, and she still hasn't paid me after 2 weeks. |
t3_4ddnwn | relationships | When the lines between trying to figure it out/taking a break/calling it quits, blur? Myself (M27) and my wife (F32) | Our relationship was far from traditional at the start, and it mostly followed that course to present (7 years).
We have 3 kids (2 biological, 1 stepdaughter) and I would say we get along pretty average when there are few stressers in our lives.
But we do fight. And when I say we, I mostly mean her. And they get very neutral at times. As understanding as I try to be to her concerns, often times she refuses to see it any other way then her own, hurtful things are said and I begin to feel myself becoming emotionally detached.
I tell myself it's temporary, that it's not always like this, but sometimes the wounds are so great that it takes more then time to fix them. Fuck, even an occasional "I'm sorry" would suffice.
I don't know what to do sometimes. I stay with it for my kids, yes, but I couldn't not see them everyday. I think about the future, the past, how many good times we have. | my wife and I have a rocky relationship at best, peppered with good strides. Anytime life hits a curve ball forward us, we no longer function as partners but adversaries. When do you toss the towel in? |
t3_1ny2iv | college | Friend took the the SAT for another person, should I tell his parents? | This is the story. My friend K knows W. W and K both have similar last names so were placed in the same SAT classroom. K and W both received their respective scantrons when entering the room, but then surreptitiously switched. K now had W's scantron and will get W a good score. W had K's scantron, but K just canceled his score report immediately after. W will end up getting a really high score now. The part that I'm worried about isn't the fact that they cheated, its the fact that K could get in trouble. He doesn't believe me though. I told him to just cancel both scores because I just have a bad feeling about him getting fucked over by this. What are some things I can tell him where he can get caught by doing this ? Thanks | friend took sat for another friend so second friend will get good score. should i tell both to cancel their scores because i am scared they will both get in trouble?* |
t3_43avx6 | needadvice | I think I'm turning into a stalker | I dated a girl for 6 months. She ended it 3 months ago. We work in the same company and share many social circles. She proposed we stay friends, which we have to an extent (grabbing lunch at work on occasion, short text conversations every week or so etc). This hasnt been enough for me; she knows how I feel and always avoids that topic of discussion. Yet our conversations, when they do exist, are always pleasant and mutually enjoyable (I can still make her laugh, and I can differentiate a real smile from a fake one).
When asking mutual friends for advice, half tell me to be persistent and keep pursuing her. She responds to about half of my invitations, ghosts me for the rest. The other half of our friends say I should move on. I've been going on many dates lately with other women, though none intrigue me the same way. When I'm with these other girls I can momentarily take my mind off of Sarah but the feeling is always fleeting.
I understand I have a problem. I think about her all the time, literally dozens of times per day. My performance at work is suffering. When she doesn't write back, I have unhealthy habits like checking her work schedule online, checking social media, inviting mutual friends out (hoping they are spending time with her when we will be meeting up). The entirety of my being is focused on either talking with her, finding out why she doesnt respond, and as a last ditch effort finding another woman to spend the evening with so I dont wake up alone yet again. It hasnt gotten to the point where Im camped outside her apartment, but in the digital sense that's exactly what I'm doing and I cant do anything to make it stop. What is the next step? fwiw cutting her out completely isnt feasible given work and social constraints. | Dated a girl for a short period, 3 months later I'm still fixated and afraid my fixation is just getting worse as time progresses. Not sure how to proceed. |
t3_i4uau | AskReddit | Should I call her? | Hi Reddit, throwaway account here.
So, last year some of my highschool friends invited me to their small gathering/party at a (female) friend's house. I wasn't drinking at first but when they noticed they got me drunk. Briefly after this, my friend's best friend aproached and we talked for like 15-20 min before my friend's dad joined our converstion at which point my hand was over her shoulder and we were playing with our fingers.
After what seemed almost an hour listening to Mr. Herp some other friend joined the conversation and when Mr. Herp turned to face this oter dude this girl just grabbed my hand and lead the way to the barthoom where we started kissing, making out and had the [INTERRUPED] sex (Drunk unprotected sex x_x). We walked out of the bathroom and joined our friends for another hour or two and then my friend drove me home.
I went to bed thinking of asking her out (and finish what we started) but following Barney's rule of waiting 3 days but in the morning, she woke me up with a phone call (my friend gave her my number) asking me if I remembered if I finished inside of her or at all (I didn't). This made me feel incredibly awkward. After the call we became facebook friends and added eachother in msn. I waited two more days but she was on her way home already. She is not from here and I'm only here during the summer.
We really didn't talk too much over the year and I haven't been able to hang out with this group of friend for the two weeks I've been in town. We casually talked in the morning over facebook but it was just small talk.
I'm really just looking for sexy times but I feel kind of weird about all this situation :/
I would also like to add that I clearly remember her saying "I liked you the moment I saw you" so yeah, she likes me (or used to) lol | Banged a girl in the bathroom at a party last year, didn't really talked over the year. She's a friend's best friend. |
t3_2qcj4l | tifu | TIFU By relapsing on Chewing Tobacco | Im back home for break and havent thrown a lipper in about a month a half, but I was out drinking with friends and bought a tin. Today after a nice christmas dinner I went to bed put on Netflix and decided to pack a lip, about a minute later my mom walks into my room and I managed to hide the tin and spitter but still had 3 pouches in, which resulted in me having to swallow the dip-spit for an entire 5 minute conversation. And if you've never swallowed spit before its basically the equivalent of toxic ipecac and I ended up puking out of my window for about 15 minutes after my mom left the room. | relapsed on chew, mom showed up and I had to swalow the chewing tobacco spit, Lots of puke, MERRY CHRISTMAS. also im quitting, again..... |
t3_2ogxus | relationships | I don't know how to deal with my (23f) manipulative ex boyfriend(23m) | to make a long story short my ex keeps talking to me and is convinced that were still together after 6+ months of trying to explain that I don't want to be together anymore..
I haven't seen him but he still calls me everyday and texts me. I don't pick up most of the time but I feel a lot of guilt and talk to him sometimes but it doesn't turn into any sort of significant conversation.
He is genuinely a good person, I knew he had good intentions but went through a bad self image phase and it made him pretty crazy, always ruined my family get togethers, thought I checked out every guy in my field of vision, slapped me one time, cheated on me and didn't tell me for a year, and Towards the end we would get drunk and I would try to physically fight him.
I don't know, I feel like overall it was a shitty relationship but after 4 years he's finally changed into a good person. He would do anything for me now. But a part has me grieved a long time ago and I want to let go I just hate the idea of cutting contact because it leaves so many loose ends and I would be devastated if someone did that to me :(
idk what to do!! Any input would be great. | I think my ex is finally becoming a better person, scared to cut contact because I still care about him but he doesn't understand we're broken up |
t3_n83lw | AskReddit | Computer science student with low average.. what should I do? | I'm a university student in Canada studying Computer Science. During first year, I did ok, but as time went by my grades started to plummet - (this was due to personal issues I had, which I am still working on). I still have 2~3 semesters left to go, which I will try my best to get good grades, but still my past history depresses me to no end.
During the terms, thanks to our school's co-op program, I was able to work in a company for quite a few months, although the job was not specifically related to development (it was mostly software testing). I worked hard, and the managers were quite happy with me (even offered me a job after graduation). However, I feel like the job itself is not really what I studied for. I like coding software, and that is what I want to do. I feel that I can write good codes if I am given the chance - during the co-op, I coded some software (in .net) that helped automating some tedious manual jobs our team had to do, and the manager was quite happy with it. (In school, it's the computer theories courses that hit me really hard, not the courses with coding).
If I graduate with low grades without any experience in the field, I am afraid that I will have trouble finding jobs. Every time I think about this I get really depressed - I feel like I am behind everyone, all the other students who are getting good grades and already started working in some respectable companies.
What should I do reddit? Is there some kind of certification that I could take that will help me when I graduate and start looking for jobs? Would I be able to apply to internships with low marks? (Of course, I am not picky about wages if I am getting experience). I am not even sure what I should be doing or what I should be looking for. Help me reddit! | I am a university student in canada studying computer science going into fourth year. I have low grades - what should I do after graduation? |
t3_1jbvnj | Advice | Awful smells coming from next door -- what do I do? | I apologize in advance for the long-winded story, but I feel it's necessary to get an idea of what's going on.
I live in a house that shares a wall with the neighbor's house. He's a senior, had two heart attacks already and lives alone with his dog. I've never seen anybody visit him. He works at a nearby Dollar Tree.
Awhile ago, an awful smell (almost like a dead animal) began coming up from downstairs. Long story short, it wasn't a dead mouse in the walls like we initially thought, but a squirrel or something had chewed a hole in the insulation down there and the awful smell was actually coming through from his apartment.
I went over there. It's not worthy of Hoarders, but his carpets are completely stained. The walls are dirty too. He never cleans his apartment. He lets the dog defecate and urinate in the apartment, probably because he can't walk him often enough. He doesn't bathe the dog either.
I can't tell if the dog or just the disgusting state of his home in general is causing the smell, but it's slowly ruining the lives of my fiancee and myself. We've tried sealing where our houses adjoin to make it airtight. No luck. We've tried complaining to the rental company (he rents from them as well), but all they've done is tell him to get his carpet cleaned.
The smell is bad enough that we can't sleep downstairs in our own bedroom 50% of the time.
So what do I do now? It's not feasible for us to move right now and before the smell started, we'd never been happier with a place we've lived in. We don't have a problem with the neighbor either besides this. We just want to be able to relax when we come home from a long day of work, you know? | Neighbor's dog and apartment smell so, so bad, it's infiltrating into our apartment and making it impossible to live here. |
t3_2q1018 | travel | Accutane (Isotretinoin) and Travel | Two days ago, my doctor prescribed Claravis (Canadian brand of Roaccutane) for ongoing mild to moderate acne. I'm a 29 year old caucasian female that weighs 130 lbs. He prescribed 10 mg for 10 days, then 40 mg for 30 days, and possibly working up to 60 mg.
I'm leaving for a 5 week trip to Southeast Asia (Thailand, Cambodia, Laos, Vietnam) in 1.5 months. I have heard that skin becomes very sensitive to sun while on Accutane. My doctor reassured me that this wouldn't be an issue, but that I should wear sunscreen, a hat, a blouse with SPF sleeves on hot days, etc. I still had hesitations, so I talked to my pharmacist, who also said it would be better if I just got started on Accutane now.
Given the choice, of course I want to start right away (the sooner I start, the sooner the acne is gone). This being said, I also don't want to damage my skin while travelling for five weeks in a hot, sunny place. Typically I don't burn easily, but I've read a few horror stories online, and now I'm nervous. Will I wear a hat and long sleeves everyday? Realistically, no. Sunscreen, yes, of course. Abstaining from drinking isn't a major issue, so that doesn't really matter either way for me. | I would love to hear experiences from individuals who have been on Accutane while living or travelling in a very sunny place. Thank you :) |
t3_3fg4fj | relationships | My [20 M] girlfriend [19,F] of 1,5 years drinks and smokes, and I detest these behaviours | My main ways of spending time are computer games, my cat&dog, studying (I do this a lot, I study for school as well as non-school subjects of interest) and food&water. I can live quite well without getting too far away from school or my house.
My girlfriend is on a vacation with her family, some of her friends&cousins are there as well. All her friends smoke, and drink alcoholic beverages.
She told me she occasionally craves a smoke(and knowing I find this to be a bad, childish kind of behaviour she posted me a photo of her smoking) and she drinks alcoholic beverages a lot. She does not smoke when we are together but when friends are there she does. She goes out to clubs and whatnot (where I don't enjoy the earrape and huge prices for watered down beer) with company and she even sings some of the songs by heart (songs of the kind I hate).
How do I deal with this behaviour of hers? I am not in a position to participate/intervene physically (she's on vacation) and don't want to yell angrily every time. I just don't want to see a person I love and cherish ruin her own life like this - and even though I hate and fundamentally oppose paternalistic behaviour I cannot bring myself to do nothing - smoking gave cancer to a lot of people close to me, and her&company's understanding of alcoholic beverages is binge drinking and breaking shit. | My girlfriend's understanding of alcohol is binge drinking and her friends promote her smoking - I oppose both of these, wat do? |
t3_saz65 | dating_advice | How to be assertive without being condescending or arrogant? | *Quick details:*
I am a 22yo male in my senior year of college; the woman of interest is 18yo and in her freshman year of college.
*More info:*
Last Friday, I went on a date with an acquaintance that ended very well. We stayed in touch through the remainder of the week and set up a second date for the following Saturday (yesterday).
I sent her a message a few hours before the planned date to confirm, but she didn't respond. Around the actual time of the date, I called her cell phone, again with no response. At 3am of that night, she called me, but I didn't answer the phone. I'm now anticipating that she'll try to contact me again, hopefully with some kind of explanation.
**My question is in the title: how do I assert myself without appearing condescending or arrogant?** I'm most likely going to stay at my university for at least one more year to enroll in a post-undergraduate program, and I'd like to give this woman a second chance. Knowing myself, my responses would either make me come across as a pushover or as a jerk, so any advice (especially advice specific to my situation) will be greatly appreciated. | Had a great first date with a woman, stood up on the second date. Female interest tried contacting me afterward; how do I respond in an assertive manner that allows the possibility of future dates? |
t3_4cqkqb | legaladvice | [SC] Bought house two years ago...seller lied on disclosure | So we bought a house almost two years ago; on the sellers disclosure it asks specifically if there is any underground tanks. The seller checked no. It also specifically asks "Any violations of variances of building codes or zoning ordinances" and the seller checked no. They admitted to building two additions in the disclosure.
We finally scraped up enough money for a new driveway and landscaping (15k). Last week during landscaping we found a buried propane tank 3 feet from the house. Estimated $10,000+ to remove as it is crumbling and unable to be vented. While researching how possibly someone could build an addition 3 feet from a huge propane tank we found out none of the additions have permits and the city believes the sq footage of the house to be about 250 less than what it is, plus a whole other bathroom not on the city plan. A local contractor has said that the owners brother build the additions.
My question is this: what legal recourse do I have, if any? Previous owner lived here 15 years. She built the addition feet away from this tank, if not on top of it. I have no 'proof' she knew about the tank. The MLS listed the sq footage as 1350, yet the city thinks its 1100. Oh, and there is a detached garage that the previous owner never got the permit for. | Am I possibly screwed that a previous owner didnt disclose an underground propane tank, and am I liable for the illegal additions? |
t3_2eqrcq | relationship_advice | I [23/F] want to reconnect with my [23/M] ex, but strictly as friends. | It's been almost 2 years since I talked to my ex.
We met at a party through some mutual friends and hit it off immediately. We lived 40 mins apart (2 different colleges) and saw each other almost every weekend for 6 months. He always had trouble putting a label on us or making anything "official" but we were emotionally and sexually exclusive. He "broke up" with me right before my senior year started and I (being the intense, social anxiety-stricken person I am) stopped talking to him completely and fell to pieces for a few months. I saw a few guys for weeks at a time, but nothing stuck. Then, the second semester of my senior year I met my current [21/M] SO and we have been going strong for a year and a half now. We live together and are almost surely going to get married in the future. I love him to pieces and would never even think of cheating on him.
A month or so ago, my ex started "liking" a lot of the things I posted on FB, and even commented on a couple. It sounds stupid, but it really caught me off guard. We haven't had any sort of contact in person, online, or by phone in 2 years. I know he broke up with his girlfriend a couple months ago, which is why I was a little cautious about it. Recently, I have been thinking a lot about how much I liked him as a person, even beyond the sexual/relationship stuff. I'm starting to realize that he was a good friend and I let that get away because of my own social problems. I am having this urge to reconnect with him on a friendship level, with no intentions of going past that. I just want to talk, catch up, and rekindle our friendship.
My boyfriend knows about how he has been following me on FB, and doesn't really like it, but he's not furious or anything. We trust each other, and he knows I would never do anything unfaithful. He's more just annoyed. Is it possible for me to build this friendship without A) My ex thinking I want to get back together with him and B) Making my boyfriend uncomfortable? | In a strong and happy relationship, but want to become friends with my ex again after not talking to him for 2 years without making my boyfriend mad or giving my ex the wrong idea. |
t3_u4zlw | AskReddit | What is the most surprising thing you've learnt about yourself from you childhood, when you were drunk, etc.? | I recently learned that when I was 4 years old I was taken to the police station and questioned about sexually abusing my female friend who was also 4. I'm going to stop all the cop bashing now. They were not questioning me because the family or state was pressing charges against a 4 year old. I was questioned to determine if I did do it and should see a counselor to help me not do it in the future.
Now for the story.
Me and my friend liked to play things like house when we were little. One game we played a few times was doctor just like every other little kid on the planet. One day her mom came in with both of us naked. I was sent home and my parents had a talk with me and that was the end of it for the time being.
It turned out she had some signs of abuse, such as bruising. Her mother was concerned and asked where they came from. My friend got scared and said I had done it. This lead to my being questioned. After I was questioned they determined I really hadn't done anything that a curious 4 year old wouldn't do and sent me home. The problem was that a few of my neighbors heard about the incident and afterwards I was no longer allowed to go over to a few of there houses.
It was found out about a month later that it was really her uncle that had been abusing her. He was charged and sent to jail for a few months and wasn't allowed to see them anymore. However most of the people that had heard I was the one that did this stuff, didn't hear that it was actually her uncle.
I'm now 20 and a lady down the street came up to me the other day and apologized for judging me for so long, because she had apparently just heard it wasn't me and had thought I had problems for the past 16 years. I didn't remember any of this happening at all until my mom told me the whole story when I explained what the lady said to me. | found out I was questioned by social workers and police for sexually abusing my childhood friend when we were 4. Didn't hear about it until the other day. I'm 20. |
t3_3az8nj | relationships | Is it normal that I (21M) feel this way about my girlfriends (21F) situation? | Basically we started seeing each other in February or so and were going to be longish distance most of the time but I was under the impression we would have some of our summer together. I came home for summer to see my family etc and got a job, she wound up travelling abroad to work for the summer.
She seemed to intimate to me this would be for roughly 6-8 weeks but it has turned out it will be more like 16 because she is having a great time and meeting loads of new friends etc.
Obviously this is great and I'm happy for her but I cant help but feel slightly envious/ jealous of her situation and sometimes when I think about it I get a bit frustrated with how it all panned out bearing in mind that when she gets back I'll be going back to university to sit final exams. | Thought we wouldhave some of our summer together, we don't. Am I bad for feeling jealous/envious/frustrated? |
t3_3imrep | relationships | I'm[20 M] going away for 4 months next year, my GF [17F] of 2 years isn't sure if we can make it work. | So, to start out I get the age difference is a problem, but its something we've been able to get passed, and the way I see, in a few years it shouldn't make the biggest difference in the world.
We've been going out for over two years now, and shes getting ready for college and I'm finishing up. Once in a while the age gets in the way and we feel like the age gap is too big for us to make this work. I really love her but sometimes i feel like maybe i should let her go because it would be best for her to not be with me, and I sometimes get the impression that she has fallen out of love with me.
Jump to now, I just got an internship for 4 months for a dream job I've been working my butt off to achieve, and actually got it. The downside is I'm going to be working crazy hours, on the other side of the country. I really want to make this work because I really do love her, and want to be with her, but I don't want to be there and have her break it off with me one month into me being there and not only ruin my experience but not be able to do anything about it to change it.
I don't know what to do, how else I can try to help our relationship, or if maybe it would be best to call it for. | GF thinks it'll be too hard to make it work and is thinking about breaking up. Not sure what to do. |
t3_1yihe6 | relationships | I [16M] like a girl [17F] that likes me back, but we're too shy to do anything about it. | I told a female friend that I had interest in a girl. She then told a friend of the girl. That friend didn't tell the girl in question that I was interested, but she did learn that she had similar feelings for me. I hope that isn't all too confusing...
Anyhow, here comes the problem. We're both shy, so we hardly ever talk. We are around each other quite a bit, as we are in similar activities. She is so very cute, and I want to be able to connect with her, but it never happens. You can almost sense that she wants the same thing. What I'm asking, then, is how do I get the ball rolling without seeming desperate/too spontaneous? | Girl and I have similar feelings for each other, but are too shy to act on them. How do I get something to happen between us that would hopefully lead to a relationship? |
t3_ujti1 | relationships | Am I a bad girlfriend/friend? | This weekend my girlfriend had a huge fight with her (former) best friend because he's been nothing but nasty to her lately, in addition to not paying rent for 10 months or making any effort to hold a job. She's 20, I'm 21, he's 22.
Anyway, she tried to kick him out, but legally we can't. So we were trying to convince him to leave, and on Wednesday they're going to have a conversation because he supposedly wants to mend their friendship (even though he's been the rude, inconsiderate one), and I know that since she's a sweetheart, she'll cave and forget all the bad things about him and be his friend again. Reddit, I don't want her to be friends with him. He constantly talks about her behind her back, he's just plain stupid (I know, that sounds mean, but really, he just is), he's 22 and freeloading off of us, who are younger than him. He doesn't see the point in school and encourages her to drink instead of schoolwork, etc. He's a deadend and a bad example, and she's incredibly smart and if she gets motivated, she has a huge, exciting life in front of her. I feel like this guy is going to get in her way and influence her to make stupid decisions like he has for the past two years. Additionally, I feel like he's trying to ruin our relationship out of jealousy.
Should I talk to her about this? I don't know exactly how to say "hey honey, I don't think you should try to fix your friendship with your best friend of two years", but I don't want to support this guy or have him in our house any longer, nor will I be friends with him. | Don't like my girlfriend's deadbeat, freeloading, imbecilic best friend. Don't know if I should tell her. |
t3_3dshie | relationships | I [20M] met someone new [17F] after the relationship of 1.5 years with my ex [18F]. | Hello people of reddit.
For 1.5 years I had a relationship with my ex girlfriend, which i really love(d) and had a wonderful time with. The last 3 months were a period of constant fighting and almost 1 month ago we broke up (for the 4th time in a month, and this time permanently).
The first week I felt horrible, mainly because she was the one who finished it the last time. Since then, I felt better and better. Still not good though.
2 weeks ago I started talking (a lot) to an old friend of mine, Sara. We even met each other and talked for 4 hours, and I really felt she was the type of girl I would fall in love with. Rationally speaking, I know she would be an awesome girl for me to be with and i can picture us together.
The only problem is the fact that I only broke up 1 month ago and I don't have the experience to know if this is a good situation to be in or not. On one hand she makes me forget about my ex gf because she is so wonderful and I want to be with her, but on the other hand I don't wanna waste my chance with this girl because I am a fool to think this relationship can be built on the ashes of my previous one. What should i do ? | Ex and me broke up 1 month ago, a perfect girl appears and I don't know whether i should slowly start something with her or quit dating her |
t3_4009fs | relationships | I'm (21F) scared to go on a date with this guy(21M) because of my panic attacks | A friend of mine recently confessed to liking me and after chasing me for a while, convinced me to go on a date when he came back to school. We decided on the day and didn't talk for a week. In the mean time, I had a very bad case of panic attack for some reasons and ended up at the ER, and I have this feeling of uneasiness every time I'm out with friends now, and I feel calm only when I'm alone. The guy asked me if the date is still happening, and I'm terrified of having a panic attack where I start shaking and can't talk in the middle of the date. What do I do? | Had set up a date with a guy but went to the ER because of a panic attack a couple days ago, and now scared to go on the date and starting to shake |
t3_3sphr9 | relationship_advice | My GF[23] of 2 years who just started her professional career has been hanging out with drug users while I'm very opposed, what do I [24/M] do? | Pretty much the title, she met these group of 6 guys (20y-26years old) at her old job at this health food store a year ago and I'm very opposed to becoming friends or keeping people that do some relatively hardcore drugs around me. My father used and has been very abusive towards my mom and has been nothing but a problem for my family, I've had close friends who started using and either ended up being sent back to their home countries, sent to jail or on the brink of death. I've had enough with drugs and barely drink as it is since drug addiction and alcoholism is rampant in my family so after doing some thinking I decided to stay away from people like that a few years ago since I saw drugs destroy so many people close to me.
The thing is, these people are relatively nice and she usually has had horrible friends and all that but decided to stay with these kids even though all they do is use/sell drugs and go to parties or concerts and live in their parent's homes and try to become EDM dj's. I originally started dating her because we both were very studious and were very career/school oriented but as soon as she graduated all she wants to do is hang out with these people and expects me to hang out with them as well even though I asked her to keep me away from it. I've explained to her my position on this and how I go to AA meetings with my best friend on occasion to support him through it since he almost died from alcoholism this year but she doesn't want to understand it. Am I in the wrong for being angry that she keeps insisting on me being friends with them? Or that I legitimarely consider this a deal breaker now after 2 years when she met these guys halfway through? | GF starts her professional career and starts hanging out with a group of drug users that I promised myself to never be around again. |
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