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t3_2ld5ul | relationships | Me (22 M) with this (21F) we've been talking about 4 months. Had a bit of a drunken disagreement on friday night | I went to visit her for halloween at her college. We went to the bar both of us got drunk. On the train ride home she brought up how i had another girl from her school was ranked number 2 on my snapchat best friends list.( i know it sounds stupid) But apperently the other girl would go out of her way to do something rude to the girl i like. For example she slammed the door in her face. Which is not right, but i cant control what other people do.
We are not dating. We do everything like we are but we aren't. So i deleted the other girl(20f) from my snapchat and got rid of her phone number. But at the same time im not telling the girl i like who she can and can't talk too. She is in college i just want her to have a good time and not have to be stressed out by a long distance relationship. Even though i like her a lot.
So then the rest of the weekend went fine. But since i have been back home texting has been slightly weird. But we talked on the phone last night and i hoping things go back to normal today. | Visited a girl ive been talking to had a semi fight. She has been acting weird through texting since i've been home. What should i do? |
t3_3gc6ck | relationships | I [24F] was dumped by my boyfriend [28M] last night. He said he don't have same feelings for me like month before and needs some time alone. | We weren't together for a long time, just 5 months, but it is enough to know you love someone. He is pretty distant for some time now. His job is stressing him and all the side projects that he is doing. I gave him space, supported him, did everything he asked, still wasn't enough.
His words were something like this: *I am not the man you deserve, I can't be support you are looking for. My feelings for you have changed and I don't know why. I just want to be left alone by everyone.* I know he is little bit depressed and I don't want to leave him like that, but he is constantly pushing me away. And I think he is best thing that has happened to me in a long time. Because I respect his wishes and want him to work it out and be happy I've let him go. I'm hoping he will soon realise that it was just a stage in his life when he was lost and he'll come back to me.
Ofcourse I asked him: is it something that I've done?... -"No, it's not you, it's me. You are everything I ever wanted. I don't know why I'm feeling this way." I really don't understand how can you tell something like that... He did't tell it is over for good, but don't wants to get my hopes up.
Sorry, my eyes are to watery... | One moment I'm sure he will come back to me and the other I'm crying my eyes out he left me forever and I can't cope with that. Is it ok to hope or I am deluding myself? |
t3_fyad8 | dogs | Kidney problems with my mini schnauzer?? Help, doggit :( | My mini schnauzer, Riley, started having urinary problems not long after he turned 1 (only just a few weeks ago). He would pee in the house uncontrollably, and after taking him to the vet and getting a (costly) analysis done on his urine, they found crystals (a bad sign) and diagnosed him with two different UTIs, then put him on a prescription diet along with antibiotics. He went through all his antibiotics as of about a week ago, and suddenly has started peeing in the house again. Today he was standing right on my bed and just let it go.
You can imagine how frustrated I was, but then I started to get really worried. He's from a shelter, something I was wary about, since I wanted to avoid health problems. The breeder I had considered buying from told me that congenital problems would show up between 1 and 3 years of age, which would make him right on time. After doing some googling, the outlook after kidney failure is not good at all.
So, am I overreacting? Will this go away with more antibiotics, or by adding fish oil, or by doing more medication? I'm a 20 year old college student, so my parents have been helping with some of the vet bills thankfully, but they aren't going to pay for everything. Will I be subjected to costly tests and procedures, only to have my heart broken to put him down in a few years? Did I walk right into this problem by ignoring the breeder's warnings and going with the "cheaper" option of a shelter dog? I love Riley so much, I don't want him hurting and I have already gotten into the mindset of him being around for the next 15 or so years. Just the fear of him getting hit by a car has been giving me huge anxiety, I can't even take him off a leash (even though he stays in the yard) because I'm so afraid of him dying a premature death... Can anyone with any experience give me any insight on his kidney problems?
Obviously nothing is going to make me want to give him up, I just need a little advice on what to expect. | Thought my 1 year old mini schnauzer was over his UTI/kidney problems, but he just had another accident tonight. Irrationally afraid of him dying prematurely and about to flip my shit. |
t3_1j6w9t | relationships | How do I get my[25M] girlfriend [28F] to start paying for things? | My girlfriend and I generally have a great relationship, and have been together for a year. I love her very much. She's from a very chauvinistic country, and she herself seems to have some chauvinistic values, which I think *might* be part of the problem. When we first started dating, she would pay for pretty much half of everything. But gradually, as things got more serious, she has offered to contribute less. We recently moved in together (a couple months ago), and she doesn't offer to pay for anything anymore. She seems to expect me to pay for everything. She is financially better off than me (grew up in a wealthy family too), and she buys me expensive gifts, and isn't cheap. If I ask her for money, she will give it, but I feel like I shouldn't have to. She knows I'm under a lot of financial strain right now, but never feels then need to offer to pay for anything. Not rent, not groceries, nothing. I have to ask her every time to get her to pay for something. There were 2 instances that stick in my head, where I was actually downright offended. I actually had to go to the bank machine (a fair distance away) to get cash, when I know she had cash in her purse! Having to ask her to pay for something every single time is a horrible feeling. I will gladly take her out at my expense, but I just want her to offer. We're generally open about how we feel, but I don't know how I let this slide... it just seems more sensitive, and she's a sensitive person.
I don't think she understands the idea of being under financial strain. Her life was quite privileged. When I mention it, she just looks at me as if I'm silly.
How can I bring this up to her? I just want her to offer to split the bills, and she doesn't seem to understand it! | Girlfriend doesn't understand the concept of splitting bills, possible cultural difference involved. I let it slide for way too long. |
t3_32d4dv | relationships | Me [20 F] with my boyfriend [21 M] of almost 6 months. Worried about distant problems related to marriage and kids. | My SO and I have been together for only 6 months. We both live in the same housing situation at our university, which made it easy for us to get to know each other. Our relationship hasn't lasted for too long, but we're already working on establishing easy communication and such.
But there's one issue that worries the two of us. He doesn't want kids, and his reasons are, well, reasonable. I can totally understand where he's coming from and don't disagree on his points. He also is a bit hesitant about settling down for marriage at some point in his life.
I also don't want kids......for now. As a student, I lack both the time, energy, and funds to be able to raise a child properly. I want to graduate college and then work in industry for 3 years and also be in a relationship for at least 7 years before I think about settling down and starting a family.
So the problem is that in this moment today, I don't want to get married or have kids and neither does he. But I worry that somewhere in the future when both options become more feasible that I might change my mind, and this should not be an issue that either of us can compromise on. Is there anything I can do to help this or be able to tell if I want to have kids/marriage now? Is there any way to remedy this worry? Or is it best to just leave it be for several years? | My bf and I don't want to get married or have kids at the moment. But we worry that this will affect us in the future. Is there anything we can do about it now? |
t3_irkty | AskReddit | scumbag insurance company | Ok, so I'd just come back from travelling so I was low on cash, I got a cheap car and cheap car insurance. Naturally the insurance company wanted to see proof of my no claims bonus. So I got my previous company to send it directly. I moved address in the meantime and advised them via email (all our correspondence was via email). So they stop chasing me for the proof, so I assume it's all good.
Fast forward a month and I go online to check something and notice my policy status is cancelled. I was like WTF. After contacting them it turns out they never got my NCD and mailed me (to my old address) to say it was cancelled, didn't even email me. So I'd been driving round with no insurance for like a month.
My insurance was paid in full upfront so they said they'd give me a refund (minus their costs). The premium was about £500 but I only got £100 refund! After questioning this, they had charged me something called a non-disclosure fee. I was livid. I asked them where in their terms of business it states this. They duly provided it. But the wording was not clear. It started "If, when we receive your proof of no claims there are discrepancies...." but they said they never received the proof? They were all like "well it implies that" and I was like fuck that. Anyway, there were a lot of sternly worded emails and I started to suggest that I would take this further.....
I got my refund yesterday...
It pays to read the small print. Anybody else got any success/fail stories like this? | Scumbag insurance company tried to do me out of £400, but they gave up when I insinuated suing their asses. |
t3_103usi | relationships | How do I (16) tell my girlfriend (17) she needs to wipe more? (NSFW) xpost from /r/askreddit | I've been going out with this girl for about a month now. I'm going to get into a bit of slightly gross detail, but it's sort of necessary. We've been intimate for about half that time. The first time I fingered her, afterwards I saw that she had some shit on her ass. I was really freaked out, but I pretended not to see it. She went to the bathroom shortly afterward, and when she came back, it was gone. She orgasmed pretty hard when I was fingering her, so I assumed that she had shit herself and was probably really embarrassed about it. I figured it was a one time thing, and that I wouldn't ever have to deal with it again. The next few times we became intimate, there were no signs of any nastiness.
However, I spent the night at her house last night, and started fingering her again. That was when I discovered that her asshole was already covered in shit. So the whole time I'm WTFing in my head, and I just finish her as fast as I can, washing my hands immediately afterward, and we go to sleep. She goes to the bathroom afterwards to clean herself up.
Then she wakes me up in the middle of the night because she can't sleep. I grudgingly start playing with her again. It looks better. She clearly tried to wipe it off when she went to the bathroom earlier, but she didn't get anywhere near all of it. I don't understand how you can not notice that you aren't wiping your ass enough, but this is the second time that it's happened. How the hell do I tell her she needs to clean herself more? I want to do it as fast as possible because I know she likes oral, and I really *don't* want to get caught up in that when she's neglected to clean herself.
*Help me, Reddit! | I'm 16 and male. My girlfriend (17) does not clean her ass well enough. How do I tell her without offending her? |
t3_vbz3g | relationships | I need help ASAP! Should I move in with my GF or Break up with her. | First off I am 19(M) and my gf is (20F). So currently We are living together in a home with her mother and her husband. For the past three months we have been living together in a basement suite, hating every moment of it. Ill state that I was the first one to be living in this house with her mother and that Gf moved in after moving cities.
After 3 months she couldn't take it anymore and she started looking for apartments. I honestly wasn't prepared to be living on my own with her. Somehow I managed to float by until last week when we both signed papers for an apartment in which we will be getting the keys this Friday. Now the problem for me is I am having a ton of second thoughts. Whether or not I want to live with her or even be with her. Its been 2 and a half years of dating and I just don't feel happy with her anymore. Ive been thinking about this for the past month. When I started feeling emotions for a co worker who makes me feel so happy everytime I see her. She is 22(F). My emotions are off the charts. I have no idea what to do.
Please help Reddit. | Not sure if I want to move in with my gf, after 2 and a half years of dating. I feel rushed, Must decide before the end of Today! |
t3_43lsir | legaladvice | Travel agent cancellation charge | Hi all,
My wife and I booked a trip to Mexico through a travel agent. We purchased the insurance just in case we did have to cancel. Today after reading up on the Zika virus we decided to cancel the trip a month before we were supposed to leave due to this trip being about trying to get pregnant.
We contacted the agent to tell her our reasons and she said she was sorry to hear it but on top of the insurance fee she would charge us an additional 100$ for her fee.
This was not mentioned in any paper or document or even by mouth. My wife explained this to her and that we would not be paying a fee that we did not know about. The agent then came back with a threat of turning her invoice in to collections.
This isn't about the amount of the fee, it's more about the fact we were not informed of an additional cancellation fee and now her threat.
Is this something we should worry about? Should we lawyer up or just pay the hidden fee she dropped on us?
Thanks for any advice you have! | Travel agent enacting her cancellation fee of 100$ that wasn't mentioned to us or in any document when we had cancellation insurance. |
t3_1otw0e | relationship_advice | Always driving(20F/M22) | So me and my boyfriend have been together for a year now. We have had our ups and downs. But for the past year he has only traveled to see me 4 times (3hr drive). In the beginning it was twice a month on my part, now since our one year anniversary its been more frequent ( almost every weekend). My point is that does he really care for me or have i spoiled him since it is more convient for me to drive down. Reasons 1. His car is an older/breaks down on major trips 2. nothing to do in town 3. my parents are awful (which is true that's why i go up there). In any case, in my past relationships the guy would drive up to see me because he cared to see me- I know he cares for me and wants to get married one day(contradiction i know but still). So I need the honest truth and how to deal with this situation properly to better not only myself but my partner | Boyfriend never drives down to see me only 4 times a year over car issues/does not want to see my parents(i drive all the time to see him) I need the honest truth |
t3_4elnif | relationships | Me [21M] and girlfriend [18F] of 16 months, done LDR for 8 months of that. About to go through LDR again for another 4 and I'm not sure I want to even though I love her | So me and this girl have been going out for 16 months, from last November. We first did long distance the next semester from January to May, and then long distance again this semester from January to April. She applied to a really awesome place to work in Orlando Florida on a whim with a friend, she ended up getting the job which lasts from May to August and I'm just not sure if I want to do LDR anymore.
I love her so much and it honestly feels like she's the one for me sometimes, however not being able to see her and missing out on so many opportunities with my mostly single friend group has really made me question if I want to continue a relationship and commit to this kind of lifestyle at 21 years old. Im currently doing a CO-OP program, meaning I'm doing school and internships alternating, so the odds of there being more LDR is very likely.
She offered me a hall pass, but after talking to my friends about it it really seems like taking that shows a lack of respect for her as a person.
I'm not sure what to do, I love her and want to be with her, but I also want to experience life while I'm at such a young age and I'm not sure if I want to be tied down to this much distance.
Please give me advice on what to do, she's in exams now but leave early May. | been in a relationship for 16 months, been doing long distance for 8 of that, about to do long distance again for the entire summer, not sure if I want to although I love her |
t3_4g5ei4 | relationships | I [22/M] Would Like to Ask Out a Regular at My Store [Early twenties/F] | Hi all. So I work at a store downtown. It's like a convenience store that only carries organic/natural foods and coffee, etc. We also make sandwiches and soup and stuff, but that doesn't matter.
As you can imagine, the staff and customers are all sort of granola crunchy--the type who'd be into paying a premium for natural/organic foods. It's also in the heart of the business district of downtown, so most people that come are older, dressed in expensive suits, and come in and leave. One notable exception is this girl, who is the subject of my affection.
For the sake of this post I shall call her Susan. Susan is super nice, and very laid-back. She mostly wears jeans of various colors with varying tops, or simple dresses. I like her style. She is also in her early-to-mid-twenties (23 maybe?). She'll pop in every week or so and grab a snack or some soup, and then shoot the shit a little bit if there's time. She and I have similar hobbies, and have talked quite a bit about our favorite places to hike/camp, favorite bars and drinks, gardening, cooking...just general topics like that. Also, she is mad about cycling no matter what the weather (including winter in the great midwest!) and will pop in sometimes after she arrives in the morning, and I cannot help but notice those womanly curves under all the spandex. She is very sexy.
Basically, I have an insane crush on Susan. However, I am but a lowly clerk who is trying to finish his degree. How do I ask her out? Is asking a customer out something that's even okay? I think my manager (who is also co-owner) would be okay with it as long as I didn't stalk her if she turned me down. Do I slip her a note? Write down my number on her receipt? Any advice would be appreciated! | I am a crunchy person who works at a crunchy store and would like to make a compost pile with a sexy, crunchy customer. How do I make it happen? |
t3_m43ih | AskReddit | Hey Reddit, I'm trying to go back to university. Where can I get a reference? | I tried university a while ago but it was in a subject I never had interest in and I dropped out. I've basically stumbled along to the point where I've had to move back in with my parents and have a part-time job with a company where nobody really knows who I am. I don't blame them, it's an events job and there are literally hundreds of people in my role or similar, it'd be hard to remember everyone's face, never mind name.
I've found myself depressed and my confidence has been shot. Basically I decided it can't go on like this and did some research and there's a degree in a subject I'm interested in. However on the UCAS form (UK Universities & Colleges Admissions Service), you have to have someone write a reference.
Being out school for five years, out of education for two years and (just about) getting a job this year (where, nobody knows who I am by name, never mind write reference letter level) I'm finding myself at a loss as to where I can a reference. UCAS say it should be my current employer but no-one there knows me.
Should I phone up the university itself and explain? Would that help or hinder my application? Local politician? I'm worried either a shitty reference or phoning up and explaining will come across as "I'm a dropout with no-one willing to come to bat for me but *trust me* I'm a good guy" whereupon my application will be promptly put to the bottom of the pile.
I can't be the first person this has happened to. Who can I go to? **Any** help is appreciated. Thanks. | Where could I find someone to write a personal reference letter so I can get to university, when my old school, university and even current workplace aren't an option? |
t3_1t781b | relationships | Me [17 M] with my Brother [14 M] who is secretly smoking and doing e-cigarettes constantly. | Earlier today one of my friends contacted me telling me that he had seen my 14 year old brother smoking real and e-cigarettes several times. I have no reason to not believe this friend as he has always been very trustworthy and mature.
I wouldn't really be too worried about this, but our family has extremely addictive tendencies.
Ex. Right now my 18 year old brother is in rehab (or to be precise, on the run from his court-mandated rehab) for stealing money to get drugs. This older brother has stolen, sold, and used drugs since he was about 13 years old. He he has torn apart our family and he has tainted many of our relationships by stealing and 'borrowing' money from our friends and extended family.
Regardless, I am afraid to tell my parents about this. They are good people, but they ALWAYS go overboard in punishments (meaning months of restrictive grounding and counsel with pastors or other authority figures). This 14 year old brother is extremely immature and fairly volatile. Im worried that whatever severe punishments that my parents try to impose on him will make him run away, or even worse, start acting like my older brother in other ways. This younger brother is very smart and rebellious. If he feels that he has been wrongly treated he will feel justified in stealing, lying, or doing harder drugs. I know him too well.
Please help me!
I will do anything to prevent him from becoming like my older brother.
Right now I plan on confronting him about it and telling him that he either stops cold turkey right now or I tell my parents. | 14 year old brother secretly smoking cigarettes (and possibly other drugs) like his junkie fugitive older brother. Our family is in the middle of dealing with older brother and is in a state of distress (read: emotionally broken down parents) |
t3_3hecak | legaladvice | Going to court for a restraining order in NJ, do i need a lawyer? | As I said I live in New Jersey and am trying to obtain a restraining order against someone I previously dated. It's been 3 years since broke and about 2 1/2 that I've been blocking and ignoring him. Over the course of the 3 years he has kicked a dent into my car, threatened to hurt my fiance, told me to die in a fire, and continues to make new profiles to harass me via social media (Facebook and Instagram).
He has not approached me in person it's more of being harassed online, except for last week I haven't responded to anything he's sent me. He has sent me emails saying he misses me, sending my photos of my high school graduation that he found online, pictures from when we did date. Most recently he's been messaging me on Instagram, first on a made up account and then on his personal. The first messaged was about my fiance and him trying to rev me up to say something back which I did not. Then he messaged me from his personal account about wanting to be friends he included his phone number of which I replied and cursed him out.
So we had court and he asked to post pone so he could obtain a lawyer which I thought was ridiculous how can he possibly think he can fight me on this when I have so much evidence, BUT I think the real reason he's fighting it is so he is able to keep his gun. In NJ if you have a restraining order against you, you can not own a weapon.
So | trying to get restraining order on ex bf, he is obtaining a lawyer to fight back even though I have a lot of evidence. Do I need to waste money and also get a lawyer. |
t3_3wcei6 | relationships | I [20M] and terrified of breaking up with my girlfriend [20F] of two years | Alright guys, I'll lay this out. I've been with my current girlfriend for two years, and she's a good person. I've lived with her for about a year, and we go to the same college. I'm transferring out to another college back in my home state, and am already moving out in about a week or so. She's been manipulative to me before, I tried breaking up with her in October, and it failed miserably.
She kept begging for me to try to work it out, dressed in lingerie when arrived home from my house for the weekend, having wanted time to think and class my head. She bought a cat for us, despite me saying many times that I don't think it's a good idea. Her reasoning was "It'll be harder for you to leave". She's told me that if I were to break up with her, she'd resent me for the rest of my life. That she could never forgive me for tearing out her heart.
I honestly feel trapped. She really wants to get engaged and have kids (we've only been together two years, we're only 20!). For her birthday, I bought her a necklace, her response was "I was hoping you got me a ring". She just doesn't understand that I don't feel ready to be engaged yet. And now I feel like I need to be free.
I can't do this anymore. I feel like I can't leave, even if I wanted to, and I'm scared of what the repercussions will be. I have no clue how she'll act, or what she'll do. How should I handle things today when I approach the topic with her? How am I going to manage living here for at least the next week until finals are over. What if I fear for my safety? I have nowhere else to stay, the closest hotel is an hour away (we attend a very rural college), and the county sheriffs (no local law enforcement) department is quite a drive. Should I break up with her in a public space, or at home? I imagine she'll break down and start crying a lot at first, so I'm imagining at home. Any help would be greatly appreciated, guys. Thanks in advance. | I need to break up with my emotionally manipulative girlfriend but am terrified of doing it, how should I approach the situation? |
t3_3ez9s6 | personalfinance | 16 - Kicked Out -- What now? | EDIT: Please don't say "Call CPS!", I want legit ways I could get money / help to support myself.
Basically my mom abused me my entire life, and just recently she kicked me out. I'm staying with her ex-husband (not my dad) in his small house that I basically sleep on the floor in.
My mom kicked me out, cancelled my phone service, took my car (so I had to quit my job), and told me to kill myself.
Now somehow she decided I owe her $500 fee for her cancelling my phone which is her fault (I didn't want her to), and $1,000 for all the stuff she's bought for me in the last year. ($1,500+ so far).
She's constantly harassing me, and I'm left in a place where I don't feel welcome, have no money, no car, no phone, etc. I put money in my bank to go get a new phone and before I could go she snagged the $70 I had in there to start a new plan since I'm under her name in a student bank account.
Someone recommended I go here and I'd get suggestions on where to go from here, my mom is still constantly harassing me and I just want to be able to get a new phone and possibly move out and get my own place. My family isn't supporting me at all (mom, dad, grandparents, etc.) so I'm completely alone on this.
I'm proficient in computer programming and make all the money that I do online from that, so I guess if knowing that helps you give me suggestions, I'd appreciate it. | I'm 16, mom kicked me out. No car, phone, money, etc. I need to get the fuck out of here, how? |
t3_1i8nty | cats | Kitten losing sight, anyone own a sightless cat? | Hi guys,
I recently helped my brother rescue a stray kitten with conjunctivitis and it looks like the little guy's going to lose his eyes. Luckily, no surgery, just lots of compresses and intensive medication until he's healed up. He's also quite young, about 2 months now. It's been expensive (meds changing constantly because he's growing), but worth it to watch him get better.
It's been 4 weeks since his first vet visit and he's starting to act like a typical kitten. He runs in circles a lot, and he still runs into objects. The worst is when he tries to play with the other cats (his mom and siblings were welcomed into the house when my brother adopted him). He backs up, gets on his haunches and is very obviously about to pounce, but then he chickens out because he has no idea where he's going. Once he jumped too high and pounced into the wall above his sister. He wants to play rough, but has no idea how. I'm glad he's trying, though.
We're 99% sure he's already blind, as the existing eye tissue is nearly gone and his eyelids are closing up on their own. We try to keep him in one room so that he can get to know that area through his other senses, and we supervise him when he's in unfamiliar rooms. Not sure what else we can do to help. There are adult cats in the house besides his mother, but they don't seem to mind him. | Kitten aged 2 months losing sight to conjunctivitis. Anyone have a sightless cat and have tips for helping him to adapt? |
t3_1v2c05 | dating_advice | I'm stuck on her. I've asked her before - going to ask for the last time [17M] | I [17M] am interested in [18F] who I have known for over 5 years through a hobby we both have. I see her at a minimum of once a week at this event, and whenever I run into her at school. We're in the same grade/year, shes a couple of months older. We got to know each other at the age of 12, and I immediately liked her (cliche, I know).
Time goes by, and we started seeing each other more frequently than before, and I still liked her (even though I've been with other girls in the mean time). I've asked her several times when/if shes free and the majority of the time she responds with either: "Yeah sure I'd like to do x" and later cancels on me or just says she's busy. This has happened at least twice (over a period of a couple of months at the least).
In the past year, I'm 100% certain that she liked me at one point when I was with another girl. She evidently knows I like her, I just want to give it one more shot to A) Give her another chance and B) Get closure so I can move on if I have to knowing there was nothing there or that the moment has passed. I was initially thinking of telling her that I have feelings for her, but I read about on here and I don't want to dump so much pressure on her. I fear if I ask her again though - that history will repeat it's self and get no-where.
Should I include something similar to "I like you, I'd want to spend some time together/get to know each other", or should I flat out ask to spend some time together and nothing more?
I want to find out as soon as possible really as it's been eating away at me when I have nothing to do for the past year or so. | Do I flat out just ask for a date, or do I include that I like her and want to be with her? |
t3_317m01 | relationships | Me [25F] with my husband [29M] 6 years, how do I emotionally support him while he's feeling defeated? | Hey guys, first time posting here, hope you can give me some help...
My husband and I have been together for 6 years, married for 1.5. Through our relationship he's been trying different career moves and hit dead ends at every turn. He didn't make it into grad school, failed a foreign officer's test, and didn't get into the Air Force program that he wanted. Now he is in the Army and they just relocated us so that he can learn a new language for the next 1.5 years. We'e only been here 3 weeks and already he's having a lot of trouble.
The curriculum is very difficult and moves at a ridiculous pace (it has to, to make people fluent in a new language in 1.5 years!). It's hard for him to learn the new grammatical rules and such because the instructors seem to just give vocab and example sentences, but don't explain the rules. He told me today that he feels "lost, defeated, and stupid" because he's falling so behind. I told him he should speak to his instructor privately, and hopefully he'll be doing that today. However, I've heard that about half of the people in this program fail out and he's terrified of being one of them.
Anyway, I'm posting here for advice on how I can support him. I'm not working right now, which means I'm taking care of all cooking/cleaning/errands so he doesn't have to worry about any of it (worth mentioning that we don't have any kids). I've been encouraging him to study as well. The thing is I *know* he can do it, but he doesn't believe in himself as much as I do. He's worried that he'll fail out of the program and we'll have to move again - and his main worry with that is that he'll let me down. He's also been at a loss career-wise because of all the other things he's tried that haven't worked out. I know he's felt lost before, and I really really don't want him to hit another dead end. | Husband feeling very defeated over school difficulties, how can I help him through it and keep his spirits up? What else can I do or say that might help? |
t3_1131p6 | relationships | Me [19M] Having trouble with [20F]. Should I end it? | Ok so my girlfriend of 3 and a half months seems to always get upset with me over small things, this gets really annoying but I do love her, and I think she does love me too. We have amazing times and then just out of nowhere she will get upset with me, mostly over text. When I have asked her about these she tells me im being crazy and once even suggested we break up. But she took it back later that day. Recently I asked her about it, as it was starting to get me down all the time. She then said she was really upset that I think she is angry with me all the time and again suggested we break up, we spoke for a bit and she took it back. But a day later and she is still mad at me, and I cant bring it up or she will go crazy again. I love her crazy loads, but I'm starting to get the feeling she doesn't love me nearly as much as I love her. But then we always have amazing times together and she often texts me cute messages and tell me how she never wants to lose me etc. Am I being crazy? | Girlfriend gets mad at me over small things, suggested we break up twice in 3 months but took it back both times. I'm doubting she's happy with me. |
t3_40recn | relationships | Me [17 M] with my close friend [17 F] I'm not sure how she's treating me | I've known this girl since sixth grade. We've always been close, but junior year separated us due to differing classes and thus schedules. We have barely talked this year and made plenty of plans that fell through due to last minute things. Over winter break, I hung out with one of my friends for the first time in a few months. We both had a blast and it was packed with fun. However, we never hangout or talk at school because we are both incredibly busy people. This trend began with sophomore year, and was never really addressees
These past three or so weeks, we haven't texted at all either. Normally, I start texting conversations that will drag on for days but recently I've put the initiative on her to start conversations these past few weeks, only to get zero texts at all. Meanwhile, my friends are sending her texts about getting her to go to prom and are chiming in on my opinion, so I definitely know she's on her phone through them asking me about various guy options (I didn't ask to know about her responding; I was told) Does she still consider me a friend or was I always just an acquaintance? | can you be high school friends with someone you never see at school but hangout with here and there outside of school? |
t3_or2pu | AskReddit | Need help finding video or articles... | I know this is going to be a tough one but if you have any extra time to devote to this it would really help me out. I'm from a small town in Iowa (insert Field of Dreams quote) and as such, we don't have much to get excited about.
In the late 1980's, a cousin of mine (from an even smaller town) played on the Palmer high school basketball team. They won 3 consecutive state titles, had a 103 game winning streak, and averaged 104 points per game. They did all of this coming from a town of about 200 people. I think there were only 7 guys on the team. They were on Good Morning America and were compared to the team from the movie "Hoosiers".
We finally had something to be excited about for a while.
My cousin was Brian Pearson who walked on at Iowa State University and ended up a 4 year letter winner. He went on to become a coach at a small college here in Iowa. In 1997 he died of a brain tumor at the age of 27. There is a memorial scholarship in his honor for student athletes who display great character and discipline.
I was related to Brian on my maternal grandmothers side of the family. My grandmother is going to be 94 this May and still talks about Palmer basketball and how great Brian was. I went with her and my grandfather to see him win his 3rd state title and it is a great memory.
Here is my request. I'd like to find some old newspaper articles of that Palmer basketball team and if at all possible, some video of them playing or from Good Morning America and show it to my grandmother on her birthday. She's told me in the past not to give her any presents because she's too old to enjoy them but I think this would just make her very happy. I've tried using Google but there is apparently another Palmer basketball team and lots of other stuff I don't want. I did an image search and the only pic I found was a small black and white one from the old basketball programs.
I know at one point I had a fold out poster of him that they gave out at a game I went to. | Help me find videos or articles about the Palmer (Iowa) men's high school basketball team from the late 1980's. |
t3_2r536f | relationships | I (F/22) hate how my roommate leaves all of her clutter around, how can I approach this? | I live in a 4 bedroom/4 bath apartment with 3 other primary roommates. We all have our own room and bathroom, and our bedrooms are HUGE. I say this so that it is understood that each of our bedrooms are bigger than the shared living room of the apartment.
That being said, two of my roommates literally park themselves on our one sofa. Okay, that's annoying but not the main issue. Not only do they monopolize this space nearly 24/7, but they also leave all of there things (bookbags, books, coats, uneaten candy, scarves, trash, pens, pencils, random papers, etc.) all over the soda and the coffee table.
I've been living with the same people going on three years now (this is the last year before we graduate our university and move on), and it's finally worn me down and I'm so annoyed by it because they make the space unusable to everyone besides themselves.
Does anyone have any advice on how to handle this?
I can see them using the argument to me that "it's everyone's room to use as they please" but the way the use it makes it unusable/unlivable for me and my other roommate.
Please help.
Also, my one roommate is so extremely sensitive anything I say to her translates to her as me hating her so it's extremely hard to get anything across without her getting upset -__- . | How can I set up guidelines after living with them for so long in a way that they will understand and cooperate with? |
t3_owf63 | AskReddit | HELP! I'm about to go home and I don't know where to poop. What are your favorite nonhome places to poop? | I'm 30. Growing up I was traumatized by poop. In my parents' house the toilets always overflowed and became clogged. I still have nightmares (yes nightmares) about toilets overflowing and having to clean up all the little poops that are on the floor. Reddit I have these kind of nightmares almost weekly. In my parents' house I would clog the toilets about once a week or so. It was an uncommon event when I could poop without clogging the toilet. Despite this my parents refused to put plungers in the bathrooms. My dad would always request our on call maintanece person to come unclog my toilet. (We weren't rich- this is common in the area of the US i lived in).
When I bought a house I had all the toilets replaced with really good American Standard ones. (Champion 4). I've never used a plunger since- but there is a plunger in each room.
Last time I went home I tried not to poop but I had to. I clogged the toilet and cried. I was so ashamed. To make matters worse my wife wanted to use the restroom and kept knocking telling me to hurry up. I kept telling her to use another restroom but she just waited. When I left the bathroom (to TELL my parents the toilet was clogged) she was waiting outside and doing a "pee" dance. I yelled at her to use another restroom and told her to not use that bathroom. My face was red with embarrassment and she ran away crying. I never explained why she couldn't use the restroom only that "it's something from my child hood".
I am now going back to my parents' house. I don't want to clog the toilet. Reddit- where are good public restrooms I can use to poop? What are your favorite places to poop that are not home? I need clean restrooms with ideally very few people coming in and going. | I always clog toilets in my parents house. Parents refuse to give me plunger. I need somewhere else to poop. |
t3_2frjnm | relationships | Me [20 F] with my boyfriend [20 M] of 1 year: I don't know what love is and I'm afraid I can't actually fall in love | Previous relationships have all been very short-lived and previous guys I've dated have all been kind of shitty to me (which I luckily figured out very quickly each time). I also have a history of being bullied when I was younger and due to the combination of these two things have a really tough time trusting people and making friends. This guy I've been with now for awhile is so incredibly great I can't even put it to words, and he's continuously surprising me by being greater than I expect. He's genuinely the nicest person I've ever met, and super caring and sweet and thoughtful. He's not just nice to me, but to everyone. If there were ever a person I would think I could trust it would be him.
And on top of that we get along wonderfully, have compatible habits and personalities and expectations, and when we're together never get bored.
Based on how I describe him to friends who don't know him and based on how I act around him from the friends who do, people say I seem like I'm in love. Even my mom commented on how I just seem like a better version of myself when he's around, happier and calmer and such. But I don't know. I don't know what that means.
My gut says I do trust him and maybe even love him too, but I'm scared to acknowledge either of these things out loud. Help? | A lot of friends/boyfriends have treated me badly in the past and now I'm scared to fully commit to a guy that is actually wonderful. |
t3_1fuo88 | AskReddit | Is my cat ignoring her only live kitten of a stillborn litter? | My cat went into labor yesterday morning around 1am, she was having a bloody pinkish discharge and finally gave birth to a stillborn (it didn't have front legs or a jaw) around 11am and she ignored it and left it where it was, a few hours later I checked on her again and she had given birth twice, to one stillborn (undeveloped like the first) and one live kitten who was meowing and still had what I'm assuming is a placenta attached. The cat continued to ignore the kittens even the live one. So I cleaned it up put it in a box that I had set up for her and the kittens and put her in there with the only live kitten. She laid there for a few minutes but after that every time I returned she wasn't with her kitten, I would repeatedly put her in there with the kitten and try to get her to clean it and would try to make the kitten nurse, no luck. Is she rejecting this kitten thinking that it's sick?
Should I try hand rearing the kitten, I'm afraid that it's getting cold in the box being by itself since it doesn't have any siblings to cuddle with. I'm at work at the moment and I had to leave them alone. I'm contemplating buying kitten formula for it when I get off in the morning.
I would just like some advice on what to do.
Also, I am well aware that I need to spay my cat, no need to preach to me about it. Thank you in advance. | I have a new born kitten who seems to be ignored by the mom. Should I hand rear the kitten or should I give her another few hours? I know the first few hours are crucial. |
t3_278zhh | relationship_advice | My [30/m] wife [21/f] cheated months ago. Tried to fix it. Not working. What now? | I'll try to be brief. I've been married ~1.5 years. We've been together for ~3. My wife is significantly younger, and we were engaged after dating only a few months as my wife was entering the air force. We both were happy with where we were at, wanted to be together and pulled the trigger.
Skipping the majority of details, she cheated on me about a year ago while off at training for the AF. I felt a little pressured, wasn't happy with the situation, and while I did agree at the time (described as an open relationship) I was not totally comfortable. Maybe that was my first mistake, I don't know. Anyway, we talked, decided against continuing that. ~9 months ago she cheated with the same person who happened to end up at the same base while I was out of town. I was crushed. I actually found out about it ahead of time & caught her in the act, but that's less important now.
Over the past 9 months, we've gone to two therapists, one whom she hated and another whom we have not seen any results from. I have given her ultimatums but she has continued to press the boundaries - talking inappropriately, etc. She swears nothing has happened in awhile, and while I have enough confidence to believe her, I don't know if things can go back to being how they were before. We constantly fight and just plain don't get along.
I don't want to be alone, and neither does she. When she's genuine, she's a great person to be around. She's very strong, intelligent and down to earth. I tend to be more out there, laid back and mature (I know, the age has something to do with it). At this point though, I'm stuck; do I continue to try to fix things, and how do I do that when it feels like we've tried everything? Do I call it quits, and not only crush her but also hurt myself in the process? How long do I keep working at this, and when do I know if it's over or if this is something that working through will bring us to where we want to be? | Wife cheated, having trouble getting over it, bad relationship since then - can I fix it, if so how, and if not when do I kill it? |
t3_2u4zsh | relationship_advice | I [23/F] am jealous that my boyfriend [25/M] still talks to his ex and they are best friends. Can exes be just friends? | I [23/F] have been dating my boyfriend [25/M] for 3 months now, and we have recently became exclusive. When we started dating he would always talk about this friend that he had and what they did together etc. For instance, we had a mini date at this one place, and he was telling me how he and his friend also came here. I didn't think anything of it until I figured out that his friend that he always talked about was actually his ex, with whom he had a relationship for 3 years and they lived together during those years. And they broke up a year ago.
Anyways he would keep talking about this friend and he didn't know that I knew that it was his ex. Occasionally when we were hanging out they would always be texting or chatting with each other. At first, I tried not to let it bother me, since we just started dating. But after 2 months or so, I just couldn't handle it anymore and I let him know that I am uncomfortable with him frequently talking to his ex, whom he had intimate relationship for 3 years. And he claimed that they are just friends and nothing is happening. Also he actually said they are like best friends and that he is not willing to let her go as a best friend. From my past experiences, when exes were talking as friends, usually one of them or both had feelings for each other. That's why I was uncomfortable with the situation. I really like him and he says he really likes me, but he is not willing to even reduce frequency of their communication: "We barely even talk." | My boyfriend says he is best friends with his ex (of 3 years) and not willing to let her go, even when I expressed I am uncomfortable with the situation. |
t3_4xn4yr | relationships | I'm [17 M] about to go on my first date ever with [17 F]. I feel like I've screwed up already. | This is kind of weird, but I digress.
I've never been on a date, and I can kinda see why. I'm basically the real life version of Peter Parker, but without the dead parents and uncle, and without the superpowers. I'm super awkward and basically walk on eggshells when I'm talking to anyone that isn't a good friend of mine.
The other day, I finally mustered up enough courage to ask my crush (let's call her Gwen) out on a date. Here's how that conversation went.
Me: Hey, uh, Gwen..?
Gwen: Oh, hi! You're [my name], right? The guy who did the really funny toast thing at the talent show? (That was 6 years ago)
Me: Yep. That's me. Hey, I was wondering if you'd like to go out on Tuesday? Possibly? They have discount tickets at that one movie theater, if you want to go see Sausage Party, at 7:30, maybe, possibly...
Gwen: Sure. My phone number is [phone number] in case your plans change, but I'm pretty sure I'm able to go. I hope so, at least.
Me: Oh shit, really?
Gwen: ...uh, really, I guess. I guess I'll see you there.
GAH. I think I threw her off with the "Oh shit, really?" comment. I really don't know what to do from this point forward. Do I text her and apologize? Do I play it cool? How do I play it cool? Should I pay for everything?
I'm new to this. | I asked a girl out and she said yes, but I followed it up with a stupid comment of disbelief and I'm afraid I put her off. |
t3_2dm7zx | relationships | I [23F] is about to go on date with [25M] on Tinder. I secretly have noticed him before IRL. If things work out, when do I come clean? Has anyone had success with real relationships on Tinder? | He was just one of those random hot guys I would notice on campus. A year ago I used to run into him everywhere. We never talked. I thought he was completely out of my league and will just always be a fantasy.
A year has passed and now I'm on Tinder and I saw him. Swipe right and it's a match. We've been talking for 4 days straight and now we are meeting up. He seems very interested in me as a person rather than the typical tinder looking for sex type of talk. We even have mutual friends.
I have never mentioned that I have noticed him before.
When should I say something?
I think I am pretty average looking so I don't think he's ever noticed me. | Been talking on Tinder with a guy I've noticed before IRL. When should I come clean? Is he only looking to hook up even though he said nothing sexual? |
t3_w5crc | AskReddit | What's the worst thing you've done to one of your friends that you still think about? I'll start... | Since I was in 5th grade, "Glenn" and I had been best friend. We were basically inseparable throughout our time in school and all the way into our late teens. Glenn had a girlfriend, "Sara", for nearly three years, from 8th Grade to 10th Grade. Being too young, they basically just fooled around, though never slept together. Thoroughout this time, she used to flirt with me whenever I was around, but just shrugged it off. They broke it off for childish reasons, but Glenn always held her in high regard as being his first love and continued to talk to her afterwards.
Fast forward 5 years. I had just gotten out of the first serious relationship when I got a random facebook message from Sara. She had seen that I was back in my hometown, and informed me she was coming the following day (we were both away at college). She invites me to a party, which I agree to, and then suggests dinner before. I knew it was a bad idea, but I caved in anyways.
At the dinner she is extremely flirty and before I reach the party we're making out. I feel horrible about this and make some excuse to leave. A week later when we're both back at our schools, she asks if I want to come to her and stay the night. Seeing that she was 6 hours away, I decline. She counters with meeting half way, and explains that she's been imagining sleeping with me. I easily fold and have sex with her at some shitty motel in the middle of no where. It wasn't even that great, and I felt pretty horrible that I had just slept with my best friend's Ex that he never even got to sleep with.
Other friends consoled me saying that it was probably okay, since Glenn was expecting a child and engaged at that point, but I never had the guts to tell him. | I had sex with my best friend's first love, who he didn't even have the opportunity to do with her. Never told him. |
t3_3gsszh | relationships | Back with gf (24f) and in LDR but don't know how to bring up end date | Been together 6 years and LDR for 2. I'm in school and she'll be going back to school in a month or so.
We got back after a break over a month ago and have rebuilding and been getting along just fine but I have no idea when to bring up the idea of visiting. I don't even know how long we'll be in a LDR at this point. Before the break we were going to move in next year but after the break she wants to go back to school which is fine. I don't even know where we lie with the big topics such as marriage, moving in or anything like that bc it feels like we're focused on only talking about lighthearted conversations. We decided on seeing a couples counselor but that can't happen if we're apart. Also she can't afford Internet anymore so we don't Skype so it's really just texting and calling occasionally.
We talk and joke around and text each other for now, but logistically I'm starting to worry what any of this is for. I don't know if she feels comfortable or wants to visit me. I don't know if any of our issues are resolved. I don't know if we're compatible to live with each other (we've visited each other before and we'd get into fights which are stories on their own). I kind of feel dumb for putting all my hope on the line that this relationship will work and two years well be married and have kids after that. One thing that slightly annoys me about her is that it feels like she doesn't handle adversity well or take things seriously and expects things to fall into place on their own. Plus I'm in medical school currently so if this relationship isn't going to work on her end I'd like to subtract any unnecessary anxiety from my life and find someone that would like to be with me. | got back together with LTR gf in LDR. Don't know how to to bring up talking about end date and visiting without making her feel pressure to progress relationship again. |
t3_3g7a35 | relationships | I[30/F] am unsure of how to respond to my boyfriend[35/M] of 5 months' slightly whimsical mood changes. | So as the title says, I've been dating my boyfriend for almost half a year. Everything has been great pretty much, but I have one concern. For the first 3 months there was a lot of excitement and passion as most new relationships have. But as of more recently, it seems like the passion will intermittently die off. My concern is how to deal with the mood changes that seem like declining interest in me. I'm unsure if it's normal and I'm now witnessing the effect of the sizzled out honeymoon effect, or if there is something to be legitimately concerned about. I'm even more concerned with how to react during these times.
For example, he usually holds my hand or makes very endearing physical touches that make my heart melt. But then there will be spans of about 4 days where he won't and his head seems elsewhere. He will also limit his comfort level at my place, no making out or anything and take off early. My initial reaction is to get really cold, but I'm not sure if that is aiding into a self fulfilling prophecy of things going bad. Should I just shrug it off as a temporary mood that has become more frequent? Should I keep my cold shoulder to maintain a balance of affection during these times? Should I try talking to him about it? I'm usually a super talker and like to make everything transparent, but I've come to realize that that isn't always the best case scenario as paranoia can manifest itself in self fulfilling prophecy. Is it too early to ask if everything is okay regarding this relationship? | I'm trying to figure out if I should play cold shoulder when my boyfriend seems distant to me or if I should act like nothing is wrong... |
t3_3ez3kg | relationships | Me [19 F] with my boyfriend [19 M] for 2 years, he is angry with me because I made plans with him that I now have to cancel. | So for some background, we are currently on summer break from college. He is currently working and taking summer classes, while I go to work in the evenings about 4 or 5 times a week. Unfortunately this means we can't see each other as often as we had hoped in the beginning of the summer. He had been wanting to go on a trip for a night for my birthday, but even though I'm 19 and it's ridiculous my mom was not comfortable with letting me go. Even though I tried to talk to her and reason with her to no avail, my boyfriend was very upset and accused me of not caring enough to go. Well long story short we talked about it and now its (supposedly) behind us.
So recently my mom and my little sister planned a trip for this weekend to visit my little brother at camp, where he has a performance at the end of the week in which families visit and watch. I had planned on not going because I had work and couldn't take off. I told my boyfriend that I was happy because that meant he could come spend the night while they were away, and I was excited because we've never gotten the opportunity to spend the night together.
So this morning my mom mentions that my brother really wanted me to attend and was really excited about showing us his performance. She said she was willing to postpone the trip for a day if it meant that I would come. So I ended up deciding to go see my brother.
Unfortunately my boyfriend is not happy. He said I always do this (mentioning my birthday trip incident) and that I never make anything happen. He said he could never forgive me and that I never prioritize him. He also says that I shouldn't have made him excited about coming over in the first place if I wasn't going to go through with it. Now he had to go to class and I don't know what to do.
Am I in the wrong? I understand that I had made the plans with him and now have to cancel, but I really want to be there for my brother. And the entire trip in general just seems like fun and I would like to go. What do I do? Thank you! | Had to cancel plans with my boyfriend to watch my brother's performance, he got very upset because I have cancelled on him before. |
t3_17ozph | dogs | We've just moved house and our dog has become very depressed. It's breaking our hearts and we don't know how to help her - any advice? | She has become very reluctant to eat and for the first few days regurgitated every meal then didn't eat at all for 3 days, so I took her to the vet. The vet said she's not unwell (after a thorough check-up) and is just suffering from the stress of moving house. The vet administered a steroid injection to boost her energy and appetite, and prescribed Antepsin 1g tablets (1 tablet three times a day) and Zantac syrup (twice a day, 2 hours after the tablet), followed by a small amount of 'recovery' food designed to be high in nutrients and calories but gentle on her stomach in order to promote her appetite. She loves this food and will eat it without regurgitation. We have been advised to feed her poached chicken and boiled rice for the next 5 days. The problem now is that she is just clearly very, very depressed and has no interest in playing whatsoever. She is 3 years old in a few weeks and is usually a bright, energetic, playful and happy dog. Now she just lies on the floor and barely even responds to her name, though she is still enthusiastic about her walks (possibly because she thinks we are leaving this house for good each time we take her out). She also soiled the house 2 nights ago, which she has never done before as an adult. I work from home so she is never left alone here, and we have another (elderly) dog who is always here too. It's worth adding that the old dog has adjusted beautifully and almost seems happier here than in our old house, playing more frequently than usual and eating fantastically. Is this depression likely to solve itself once she becomes familiar with her new surroundings, and does anyone know how we can help her in the meantime? | How can we help our depressed dog, and is this likely to be a temporary thing or is it possible she will never relax here? |
t3_4kemvb | Parenting | Toddler acts like she hates me since newborn arrived | Hello fellow parents, I need some advice or even just a pep talk at this point.
We have a 22 month old daughter and I just gave birth to our second daughter on May 10. Our toddler has always been a little clingy toward Dad but ever since we brought home the baby, she wants nothing to do with me. She pulls at dad when he holds baby and clutches at his legs when he walks. She is fine to me if Dad is not around, but if he is, she will literally say no if I try to play with her or even shove me away. This on its own is a lot but add postpartum hormones and sleep deprivation on top of it and I have been crying every day. I feel like my relationship with my toddler is ruined. The weather has been bad and I am still sore and in pain from my delivery, so it hasn't been the easiest for me to spend one on one time with her out of the house. I am starting to fear my relationship with her is screwed and she will never come back around to me. I feel like I have to "win over" my own kid. Part of it may be I do most of the domestic stuff like taking care of basic needs and keeping the household running. My husband does his fair share but he is more of the fun, Get down on the floor and play type. | don't know how to make my toddler be less cold to me after the birth of our second child. She has went from a mellow child to cold toward me and being extra whiny and rambunctious. |
t3_2gtv4e | relationships | Me [30 F] difficulty dealing with inconsistency from [28 M] "friend with benefits" of 4 years. | Aquaintances for 10 years, intimate for the last four. Heavy communication via text and internet, often times an all day thing. Schedules are very conflicting and I often turn his advances for hook ups down because I am unwilling to budge on my routine for a fling.
His communication with me has a very predictable and consistent cycle. He will initiate conversation with me and keep it going nearly 24/7 for 2-3 weeks, draw me in close and try to see me regardless of pre=exisiting scheduling conflicts. Then, he abruptly becomes distant and just stops communication with me, not texting me, not answering me ect.
We both continue to express that we do not want a serious relationship with each other nor anyone else, but he has two online dating profiles, one requesting a "long term relationship". I expressed to him last year that his online dating profiles were a huge sexual turn off for me and that it made it difficult for me to be intimate with him, I haven't much since.
His communication cycle with me gives me the impression that I am just an ego boost for his online dating career. I feel that I am just around to entertain him while he looks and when it doesn't work out he reappears and becomes completely engaged with me again until the next girl comes along.
This pattern has gone on for four straight years, but I recently have began to feel pretty disrespected by it. Despite all of this, I still think he is an incredible catch and can't help but to feel captivated by him because I love the attention. I'm having a hard time moving away from this, I am so tempted to just call him out on it and end the friendship but don't want to be impulsive. Should I say something or just cut off contact completely? He just started his "ignoring me" phase a few days ago after a month of 24/7 texting. | Negative feelings emerging with friend with benefits of four years, I'm tempted to express my feelings about he situation, somebody stop me.: |
t3_1up3xu | AskReddit | How Can I Tell if a Girl Likes Me? | Alright. So I'm in high school (a Sophomore), and there's this girl that I like a lot. We don't have many classes together this year (had 2 last year, became good friends) but the one class we do have together we walk from to brunch together. We hang out a decent amount, either at the library or a mutual friend's house (small "party" things and such). We talk a lot on Facebook, about whatever come to mind, and we chat at school whenever we get the chance. I really like her, but I don't want to ask her out and ruin our friendship if she rejects me–I don't want everything to become awkward. I know it'll probably end someday, but I enjoy talking to her and hanging out and I want to at least keep her friendship if not a gf/bf kind of thing. Apologies if this is no the right place to ask and/or makes no sense, it is 11:48 and I should definitely be asleep^but^reddit^sidetracked^me. Thanks in advance for your help. | I like this girl, want to ask her out but don't want to make our friendship awkward. Any tips/ suggestions? |
t3_3g30o3 | legaladvice | [US][OH] I just want my headlight repaired/replaced. | So my first car buying experience is not what I expected.
I bought a 2010 Mazda 3 s grand touring from a local dealership. When looking over the car before purchasing I notice condensation under the passenger headlight (it rained earlier in the day) and the bottom skirt was a little damaged.
<Fast forward to the contract signing>
They hand me a repair list of all the things on the car they are going to repair:
"1. Ding in rear passenger door
2. Scratches on back bumper & side molding
3. Test batteries / replace if needed
4. Have service look at passenger headlight for condensation.
I hereby accept this WE OWE with the understanding that this is valid for 30 days from date of issuance and must make an advance appointment with the service department before the above work can be performed."
<fast forward to today>
I sent it to the service department to get above things repaired. When they called me to tell me my car was ready they said the headlight did have condensation inside the lense but since the WE OWE letter didn't say repair/replace the headlight, then it's on me to pay $850 to replace it.
The fact that the WE OWE letter didn't specify to "repair" the dents and scratches, do I have a good case if I decide to take this to court? | Bought used car from car dealership they gave me a document of the things they would repair. They are not wanting to fix the passenger side headlight because the document says, "look at passenger side headlight" |
t3_3gw034 | relationships | Me [20 M] with my girlfriend [20 F] of three years, I said a ot things I did not mean. tried to apologize, got mad again, and ended up getting in a push fight. | I feel terrible and have no idea how I can fix this.
We started arguing about something very dumb. Her mother is always using my girlfriends car and I feel like she is just using my gf for her car. I confronted my gf about it and we ended up arguing. I told her I do not want to be with her and wished I never started dating her. I didn't mean any of this and proceeded to immediately apologize.
My gf said she wasn't just going to get over this and that an apology is going to fix things. I then got angry again and called my gf a cunt and that I hate her. I also ended up calling her mom a bitch and was met with a shove from my gf. I pushed her down on the couch and we then had a brief push fight.
First off, what the fuck is wrong with me? Second off how can I fix things with her and how can I fix myself? | Said a lot of things I didn't mean to my girlfriend and got in a push fight with her. How do I fix things and what is wrong with me |
t3_4422zp | tifu | TIFU by messing with bluetooth and getting punches in the face | So like most this didnt happen today but over christmas time. My family decided to skip the traditional christmas and head down to florida for the holidays. We spent a day at universal see all the cool new harry potter stuff.
We were having a great time and decided to wait in the hour long line for the new coaster. About twenty minutes into the line there was a guy in line about a row in front if us that pulled out one of thise small bluetooth speakers and started playing some music. Not sure what the music was but i was pretty bored so i stopped my redditing and decided to mess with him instead.
Every time he came passed us i would pair with his speaker and play some Lindsey Sterling. After about 10 minutes of this my brother and me are cracking up and this dude has been getting madder and madder. Heres where the fuck up happens. Were almost to the end of the line and my brother makes some wise crack to the guy. I look straight at the guy with the goofiest face i can muster. The guy flips and his fist flys straight in to stupid smile. My brother and him get into a shoving match as im sitting on the ground stunned. In the end were all taken out of line the dude gets taken away. The manager guy? Gives us some fast passes an icepack and apologises to us about the trouble. Spent the rest of the trip with a black eye. | messes with some guys bluetooth speaker in line at harry potter world and ended up with a black eye. |
t3_2cr578 | offmychest | Why Can't I Control Myself? | Hun, trust me. All I want is to be able to control myself, calm down, and deal with a situation rationally. I CAN'T. I cant deal with this anymore... this constant struggle between logic and my emotions, all I want is to be normal... not to have to struggle against my own mind. I don't want to feel stupidly sad and rant to you about how much I hate my damned self and my pathetic heart, I don't want to flare up in unreasonable anger and be disrespectful, rude, and shitty to you. I want to love you more than any woman ever could. I want to love you for the rest of my life... but I can't do that if I can't get past my stupidity. I am out of control of myself... and I'm lost. If I can't keep myself happy? How will I keep you happy? I feel like I'll wear more and more on you as the years go by, until you resent me with all of your being. I hate myself... but you love me... but I feel like all the reasons I hate myself will eventually make you hate me one day. Why can't I listen to you? Why can't I just calm down? Why can't I be a reasonable person? Why can't I just love you and not try an break up with you every time I lose control? I love you... but will I keep you happy? or crush your spirit? Fuck. WHy don't I just end it like I planned 3 years ago? | I hate myself. I can't be in control of my reactions to my emotions, and I feel like it's ruining the best relationship I've ever had. I shouldn't even be here. |
t3_30xx9l | relationships | I [24 F] had an affair a year ago with a [45M] married man. His wife found out, we broke it off but she wants to talk to me. | Background: three years ago I met this married guy, we got attracted to each other and hit it off. It's NOT something I am proud of and it's definitely something I regret. After us seeing each other for two years, his wife found out. He decided to work on his marriage and I totally agreed and let him go. I was utterly disgusted at myself.
Current situation: it's been a year that I haven't spoken or had any type of contact with this guy and his wife emails me. She says they are good and happy and starting to heal and that if I'd like she'd like us to talk one of these days, that she feels that I wasn't the problem but the consequence.
I mainly feel super ashamed (still) and extremly guilty for the amount of pain I've caused the whole family. Part of me thinks I owe to talk to her about what happens and that it might give her closure and the other part of me thinks I should just reply with; no sorry to avoid any more pain and wound opening for all of us.
Has anyone been in this situation? I'm struggling to make a decision. | had an affair for two years, stopped it a year ago when the wife found out and now she wants to talk to me. |
t3_2xtg1f | legaladvice | I am a former employee who worked on a R&D project that stalled because the company lost interest. Can I ever pursue this idea myself? | Hey all, I appreciate any help.
So a couple of years ago, I was working for a company in Michigan as an engineer. As part of my job, I was tasked with leading an open ended research and development project with some university students. The goal of the project was to come up with new modifications to improve the efficiency of an existing process. One of the problems with improving the process was that the acceptance criteria were *qualitative*.
Here is an example of what I mean: if the goal of a process was to reduce the temperature of an object, the acceptance criteria was simply "warm, cold, kind of cool, etc". In other words, they had no "thermometer" to apply a quantity to the result. SO, developing a method to quantify these results became part of the project.
I managed to develop a method/device for this ON PAPER ONLY, because management lost interest in the project and funding stalled. I continued to work for this company for about another 8 months before leaving for another position. I have very serious doubts that the company will ever pursue this research further.
So, my question is, can I ever pursue this idea?? What would happen if I tried to patent the idea? How can I find out if I signed any relevant NDA type documents with the company? | I am a former employee who worked on a R&D project that stalled because the company lost interest. Can I ever pursue this idea myself? |
t3_1f5dzl | self | Girl thinks I am unattractive because I'm "too passive" | I've been hanging out a lot with a girl who lives near me. I'm 16 and she's 17. After coming over to watch movies with her almost every day for the past week or two, I realized that I really like her. I decided to find out whether she was into me by asking her. She wasn't, and that's fine, but what irritates me is why she isn't. I asked her what she finds unattractive about me and she informed me that I'm not ugly, I'm very nice, I'm smart, but I'm too *passive*. I can sort of see what she means by that as that does suitably describe me, and I realize that a lot (seemingly most) girls look for more dominant personalities, but what I don't get is what I can do about it. Being 16 and a virgin, I'm not very experienced with girls but from what I can tell, the reason I have trouble finding a girlfriend is because of that exactly: generally girls like dominant guys and I am not one of those guys. So how do I become more attractive without faking a personality that is not mine? She says that I will eventually find a girl who likes guys like me, which I believe, but what the hell do I do until then? I feel silly for complaining about this since it's such a mocked reason for not getting girls, but I'm experiencing this problem firsthand, and I feel like there must be something I can do about it. And yes I realize that eventually I will be an adult and supposedly all of my stupid teenager problems will be gone or easier to deal with, but right now this is kind of freaking me out and so any advice would be appreciated. Thanks for listening to me rant and sorry for being a stupid teenager. | girls don't like me because I'm nice and not ~~dominant~~ confident. I want to be attractive but I don't want to act like someone I'm not. |
t3_1b0vf0 | dating_advice | I (16F) don't know whether or not I should pursue a relationship with him (16M) because I don't know how my friend will react. | Hey I just have a question! So my best friend had a thing with this guy (they never were official or went out) and it ended badley and she hates him now. A few months ago he asked me out and i turned him down cause my friend would be pissed and i didn't like him. I've always thought he was attractive and started to develop feelings for him about a month ago. The problem is whenver i even talk to him my friend will get so mad and not talk to me for days. Last night he pulled me aside and told me how he felt again and he kissed me. We made out for like 10 minutes. I feel bad but i don't regret it. She doesn't know and we like eachother and i don't know if i should pursure a relationship with him or not. I don't know how she will react because i don't want our friendship to be over. She doesn't like him anymore and has moved on so its not fair for her to not let me see him. He is not her ex because they never went out. | I have a best friend who is the jealous type but I like a guy she had a thing with and I don't know if i should take things further. |
t3_2dzchi | relationships | I (21m) have been talking to a (21f) for the summer. She is going back away to school and im not sure what to say to her about our "label" tl;dr | So i have been talking to this girl seriously for about 2 months. We went to high school together and used to hook up and what not. Then she went to college, went out with a guy for 2 years and they just recently broke up. Which is were i came back into the picture.
She leaves to go back to college thursday and i dont know what to say to her about where we stand. Im not sure if i should just not say anything and let her go back not knowing what we are. I dont want to ask her to be my girlfriend because she just was in a long term relationship. I want her to be 21 and to experience life. I just dont know how to say it without giving her the wrong idea.
She only goes to school one hour away and she told me that she wants me to visit her all the time. | i've been serious with a girl for two months. No label and she is going back to school on thursday. Should i say anything about our situation or just leave it like it is. |
t3_51seds | relationships | Me [21] M with my "friend" [20 M] who thinks I'm his best friend-- but I don't like him & avoid him | I'm going to talk about my "friend" – let's call him Michael – how I want to avoid but I'm not sure how.
We used to be good friends when we first met, and we were friends for a year. However, I'm not sure if he changed or I just got to know him more, but as time went on, I felt like he was more and more of a person that made me feel uncomfortable.
Michael never really listens to me and is always concerned with saying what he wants to say. When I was going through a tough time, I told him about it; however, it just ended up that he told me to brush it off and started to talk about he's been able to achieve.
I've talked to him about putting words in other peoples' mouths and not really listening to others, but he's also super defensive and thinks his opinions are the end-all-be-all.
So at this point, I'm trying to avoid Michael, but he still makes a lot of effort to call me his "best friend." I live really close to him so it's a little bit difficult to avoid him, and I don't know what to tell him when he calls me his best friend – when obviously I don't feel the same. | My "friend" is a person who never really listens to people and I want to get avoid him. However, he still calls me his "best friend" and I don't know how to respond |
t3_2l1fi9 | relationships | I [20M] Have been having a small crisis about what I should do from this point on when it comes to friends because of a movie I recently watched | Did anyone actually like Edward Scissorhands? (the person no the movie)
Anyone at all.
I'll answer that: No.
He was viewed by pity (Kim, Kim's mom), a servant to the townspeople, and hated by everyone else. But in reality they all did hate him. He had nothing really redeeming about him except that he could do things that they wanted him to do. He looked weird he talked weird he acted weird...
Nobody liked him. They all hated him but used him because he was good at things they wanted...
I always thought that if I got good at enough things (lifting, programming, mathematics, running, physics, etc) that I would be able to be liked because people would want me to do things for them.
"Help me with this and we can hang out later."
"Wow it's so awesome you can do all those things can you teach me."
etc..
And I just realized through this movie no matter how good I am at something people are still going to hate me because I can't fit in with them. No matter how highly I get paid, or what I do I'm going to end up in a house shut off from the world making it snow or some shit.
I'm not really sure who to talk to about this and I don't know what I'm supposed to do right now. I'm very confused. | I am Edward Scissorhands and I realized that I won't make any friends just like him and...it's caused a crisis in what I believe about making friends. |
t3_g0hxp | AskReddit | Parisian Adventure and I need a Reddective's help.... I need to find an Authors lineage.... | Hello Everyone! First off, thank you to all who are willing to help!!
Im a student from Florida, USA and will be traveling for the first time outside of the continent. I plan on being in London for 9 days, with one day in Paris.
Im in my final year of business school, as Management major and Sale/Marketing minor. My ambition is food. Therefore, over the last few months, ive been reading books from different culinary periods and locations, and it was about 3 months ago I stumbled on this book....
"The Physiology of Taste : Or the meditations on transcendental gastronomy" by Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin...
This book is amazing... Actually, amazing is an understatement... It has really opened my eyes to why we enjoy the foods we enjoy.
Anyways... I want to track down a family member of this author, possibly write them a letter and meet them when I experience Paris in May. | Askreddit, what can I do to increase my chances of finding a family member of a 200 year old author that may or may not still live in or near Paris.... |
t3_2ealdf | relationships | Casual relationship with my ex [31M] and myself [26F] | I want to know people's opinion on this. Has anyone ever done it successfully?
Backstory -
There is this guy and I dated for two months. First month was great but second month, when the honeymoon period was over, things got worse. We just realized we were not right for eachother - I want kids and someone who has motivation and passion for something. He does not want kids and is happy working as barback. (Which is fine just not what I want in a long term relationship)
So we broke up. It was very mutual and no one was hurt or mad. So two weeks pass and we get in contact because he has things I need for school. The idea of just being friends with benefits came up. At that time neither of us knew if that would be a good idea or not.
I am in my last year of nursing school and this semester is going to be very difficult, and I'm also working in the NICU. So I expect these next nine months to be stressful, just comes with the territory. Last year I tried dating while in school and it was a major distraction.
So I want to know if it would be a bad idea to stay friends with benefits with this guy. Basically a boyfriend without the relationship. I know I don't want to be with him long term and he feels the same way. But the sex and friendship is still great. My theory is during school he will be useful because sex is such a stress reliever and I won't have to focus any energy on dating.
But is that too messy? Has anyone ever done that before? How did it turn out? | would it be a bad idea to still sleep and be friends with ex boyfriend who is not right for the long term and doesn't want a relationship? Specifically during the time I am focusing on school and don't have time to date |
t3_3jjofo | Advice | Neighbor (Major Construction Builder) left nails on road and I had to replace tire, stuck with 470$ bill. | First I will say the price to pay for having a performance summer tire is hefty and I acknowledge the risk profile for having one. That said me and my lady girlfriend have cleaned our street previously for garbage and nails left by this developer's crew(s). About a month ago, 200 feet from my house I heard a loud pop and stopped the car, a roofing nail had punctured the sidewall and the tire was gushing air out.
I had to get it towed as it was completely flat in a minute and had it replaced (BTW it was a new tire already only 5000 miles on it).
I called the builder (Dan is his name ) and explained the situation. At first he sounded upset that I was asking him to cover half of the costs--I wanted to be reasonable. It was his crew's negligence that left me SOL. I did not include towing in the provided emailed invoice.
He said he would cover the cost and for me to email him the invoice which I have done, and then waited patiently another week before following up with another email then another week with a voicemail and now today 4 weeks later still no response.
Some may say the 470$ isn't a lot, but its timing was poor. My mother is coming up and to visit me from out of state and I was hoping on taking her to a winery for the night and giving her a spa treatment. That is no longer feasible. :/ | Contractor left nails on road to my driveway, blew up my tire,I was reasonable and asked for half, he said he would pay in full and now ignores all contact. |
t3_1q47rn | relationships | Me [26 M] with my Girlfriend [23 F] 3 years, dealing with alcoholism | I have been with my SO for about 3 years now. I have been dealing with her alcohol abuse for about as long as the relationship itself.
We have been fighting for so long because of this issue and it has really put a lot of doubt in this relationship. She has said some very horrible things to me and has even gone as far as getting physically violent with me.
At this point I can't seem to learn to seperate my anger from my general concern for her well being, even love for that matter. We fight atleast 3 days a week for about 2-3 hours at a time. I've lost my dream job due to her problem and motivation to even continue the realtionship.
Now, she has started to seek help. We have gone down this road a handfull of times only to have her relapse in a couple of days. I have a hard time believing in her and I really wan't to but, I feel it might be too late. My brain just can't get out of the anger that has been building up.
Now that she is getting sober I still can't force myself to think of wanting to hang out with her, Even less to do nice things for her. I wan't to really be there but I feel that i'm past it. Anyone have a different view on the matter? Any advice would be great. | My SO has been abusing alcohol for a long time and I can't figure out how to support her anymore due to my built up anger over the course of the relationship, now that she is getting sober. |
t3_3pj5o1 | personalfinance | Manager brought month to month lease instead of a year lease. Is there a downside to this? | My girlfriend and I just moved into a new apartment in Santa Monica. Our rent is $1600, which was our ceiling as far as budgets go. When we came to sign the lease the manager of the building accidentally brought the "month to month" lease instead of the year lease. He said since it was his mistake he would just let us be month to month, or if we wanted he could just cross it out and write year lease. We opted for the month to month.
At first we were happy with it, because it gives us more flexibility. And we also just watched a friend go through a break up with her boyfriend that she lived with and got stuck paying double rent for the rest of her lease. Obviously, we don't think that will happen with us, but if God forbid it did happen, month to month would be better.
However, now I worry that it wasn't just a mistake by the manager. Our building is old and Santa Monica is rent controlled, but would signing a month to month vs. signing a year lease affect whether the owners could raise the rent? I'll probably go to the rent control office here and double check it all, but I figure it couldn't hurt to ask you fine people. | GF and I just moved into a new place. Was supposed to be year lease, manager brought month to month papers by accident. Is there a downside to being month to month (ie: rent control)? |
t3_343zk3 | relationships | I'm (21/F) going on a date at my ex's (26/M) favourite coffee shop. | It is a very popular coffee place, but not one I knew about before him. We've been broken up for almost a month, but a couple of weeks after the breakup we matched on a dating website - and he messaged me saying he missed me... Only to turn around and say that we couldn't do anything because it would just end in the same way. He's not ready for a relationship, probably not for a long while, and he said if he ever contacted me again it would be because he was ready.
So I'm not over him yet, but I'm getting back in the game. I was asked out to go to the coffee shop that my ex goes to all the time. The person who asked me out isn't serious, and I'm thinking it'll turn into a one night stand kind of deal. But, I'm not sure if I should avoid the coffee shop because of my ex. I don't want to rub it in or anything, but maybe him setting what he's missing isn't bad for me.
Either way, I really should move on from considering him in my dating decisions. Heating your experiences here is helpful too! | I have a date at ex's coffee shop with a soon to be one night stand. Do I ask to change venues? Is this generally okay? Socially acceptable? Or is it a bad idea? |
t3_f162b | AskReddit | How do you tell someone their parents are insane? | A friend of mine is in a family of eighteen kids. Three are natural-born. Their parents adopt a baby or troubled child, and as soon as they look like they won't need direct adult supervision, the parents go and adopt another, ignoring all the rest of their kids. They have no steady job, and instead live off the welfare money and other sources (The mother "runs" an online advertising firm, and the father takes care of their backyard petting zoo. Yes, petting zoo.) I hate seeing this done to them. Two of the kids are college-age, and yet are forced to stay at home and take care of the other younger children. Only a couple go to public school, but they only go for a year or two at a time.
Every time I talk to the older ones over the phone, they avoid family topics. They sound uncomfortable whenever I ask how things are at home. What can I do to help them, if anything? It's may not be my business, but the oldest boy is one of the smartest people I know. He would love more than anything to go to college, he says. | Crazy parents have a ton of kids and no jobs. Holding behind older kids' lives because of it. What can I do? |
t3_xggt5 | AskReddit | Being wrongfully accused of stealing, what to do? | So last night a friend came to pick me up for her party in her apartment since it was her last night there. My other roommates, for the sake of this post i'll call them Drake and Bob, had already been drinking downstairs and were on their way to get some pizza when they saw us leaving and we told them they could come over too if they liked.
So they attend the party, get bored after realizing it's a total sausage fest and leave. The night goes on, have drinks and play games. Next morning I wake up to a missed call and text from Drake saying "Thanks for stealing my fish." I replayed back with "What fish?" and try to return his call with no answer. Sometime later he text me and says "Tilapia" and I said "I didn't take yo fish." then he calls me.
Proceeded to ask me if I had taken it and I exclaim again that I didn't and then he says "I already asked everyone else and someone took my beer and fish. Are you saying someone just came in here to take that when there are amps and shit?" I said again "Didn't take your stuff, Drake." He then says that "This is pathetic....Your lying just like you did back at our old place." and that's when I say "I think take your shit, asshole." Later he would come over to where I was and ask my friend if she had taken it and it's ended there for now.
So what the hell do I do? I love my roommates and I don't know how this got pegged on me nor do I know where this past aggression is coming from about me lying like I did in our last place. I've always been kind, considerate, and respectful to them all and now this...I'm so confused.
I know this sounds like a petty roommate ate my food story but I don't want this turning into some grudge. | Roommate thinks I took his fish and beer. Also, apparently has built up issues about lieing from previous living arrangement. I'm innocent, need help. |
t3_1lay0p | relationships | I[20M] am still having trouble getting her [19F] out of my head... | I dated this girl in high school and she was really the first person in my life that believed in me 100%, all the time, no matter what. We were always there for each other and it was an awesome time in my life. I became depressed (just for other reasons) and I became irritable and unable to communicate my emotions to her.
...So she saw her cue and asked me if I wanted to break-up. I was just so anti-social at the time I didn't care--I didn't feel anything even though I loved her and I was letting her go.
She was absolutely devastated because of this and it really took a toll on her and she became very bitter and introverted. My friends nor I really talked to her (or really saw her) much after our break-up. We talked a couple weeks before college and she still seemed very bitter and defeated.
It moved me deeply that she was still in this state so I made a point to, every once in a while, message her on facebook asking her to get coffee just so we can hash things out. This turned into her getting a message about once every six months... I never planned it, it just happened to be the best times when we would both be off for break.
At first she didn't answer my messages but eventually she did. Her message was a clear no and to never ask again. Then she blocked me on facebook so I cannot communicate with her.
Over 3 years have passed since we dated but I still can't get her out of my head. I still see things on the street that I would love to tell her and I dream about her non-stop and I can't get them to go away.
I just don't know what to do. I can't think of any way to connect with her. The last thing I ever said to her in person was "congrats" at graduation and that's all. | I broke up with my high school sweetheart; 3 years later I still can't stop thinking about her and I don't know what to do. |
t3_34xvom | relationships | [21 F] and I [22 M] used to be close friends, decided to date, then she chose someone else. | So this girl whom I've known for the past 3 years and I used to be extraordinarily close. She had a boyfriend, but I always knew that she and I would have a chance together, so it didn't bother me too much. About 8 months ago, (2 months after she'd broken up with her boyfriend) things started heating up between her and me, and it was pretty obvious. This went on for two months before she and I really talked directly about our feelings for each other and we both decided we should be together. That was the best.
The next week she went on a school trip and when she got back she texted me (I was in a different state in the US) that she wanted to 'rewind' a bit. After getting back to school, she said we'd talk, but she put it off for a long time. She basically decided she wanted to be with someone she met on the trip instead.
She's made an attempt since to try to make things better by explaining, and honestly it did help, but I decided that I was done with her and to cut her out. For the most part it's worked, but anytime I see her, or any time she texts me it makes me really sad because of how things were when we were so close, and when we decided to be together, but now that's all ruined. She's kindly making attempts to be nice, and deep down I want her to, and I want things to be better, but I know that I cannot separate my feelings for her and just friendship. Should I explain this to her, and ask her just to leave me along? It makes me sad to know how everything has fallen apart, but her attempts (which deep down inside I want) make me sad. She's a good person, and I don't want to be mean, I just wish things were different and that she didn't make me sad now. We graduate in 3 weeks. | Girl and I were close friends, decided to date, she chose someone else over me and everything fell apart. She tries to be nice and make it like it was before, but it makes me sad. Should I tell her? |
t3_1zep4d | relationships | Me [24 M] with my Boyfriend [25 M] of 2 1/2 years, have been dealing with living with extremely messy roommates. He nags me to clean dishes to the point of him standing near me to make sure I clean them after eating. | Long story short, we live with messy roommates. They rarely, if ever, clean the kitchen, usually letting the dishes pile up until dishes are no longer available to be used. This usually forces us to clean some of the dishes to use them. This is an understandable situation for college. Some people are messy and one doesn't have control over it.
Now the problem arises that my boyfriend is so fed up with their sloppyness that he nags me to the point that he will stand over me to make sure I wash my dish immediately after using it. I hate this for obvious reasons. I am my own person and I can leave my dishes in the sink without having to do them immediately.
We fought briefly last night about it and I spoke up about how I hated how he nags & that it's creating a rift between us filled with resentment between us. I also told him there are costs to our relationship if he's going to continue to nag at me for justification. I told to not ever tell me what to do. He replied simply with "then clean your dishes" and continued to surf the internet.
I had to leave and stand in the hallway for a few minutes because his tone was so controlling.
We have talked since then and he told me he would stop. Now my question is, am I overreacting to this situation? or should I be worried? He has not shown any controlling behavior prior to this ongoing problem of the dishes. | My SO is being controlling when it comes to the dishes and stands over me to make sure I do them since it gives him justification to feel the way he does about our roommates and their sloppyness. |
t3_1uhaxl | relationships | How do I deal with my [M 24] gf [F 24] of a year's insecurity and trust issues? | I feel like my gf has a lot of trust and insecurity issues but she doesn't seem to think so. For example, she has always told me that being a little insecure shows you care - this is something I never agreed or understood because I am not insecure at all and I fully trust her. However, I don't really know how to convince her of otherwise so we usually just drop the topic.
Unfortunately, I feel like this train of thought has transferred to a lot of actions that are starting to wear on me and annoy me. For example, she has expressed early on in the relationship that she does not want me to smoke weed which I was fine with and I promised her I would not. I have told her I was curious about smoking weed and that I didn't see anything wrong with it, but I did end up making the promise anyways. However, she knows that my friends do smoke weed and as a result, every time we have a large gathering, she would ask me if I was smoking weed.
This kind of questioning bothers me a lot because it feels like she does not trust me and constantly feels like I will break my promise. I've asked her nicely to stop questioning me but instead she became quite upset because she can't understand why I can't just answer such a simple question. She also said that she doesnt understand why she can't just ask for reassurance and why I'm forcing her to stop asking questions and that she will be a lot more upset if she's not even allowed to ask questions.
I have tried explaining to her that all this questioning makes me feel like she doesn't trust me but she just replies that it's not about trust, she just doesn't think its a crime to ask questions. This is just one example of a topic she asks me about. She also frequently expresses her worry about me cheating on her or getting tempted by other girls when I have never done anything to make her suspicious that I would cheat on her.
I frankly don't know what else to say to explain my position any better. Does any one have experience dealing with situations like this? | gf of 1 year constantly asks me if I will do things I promised not to (e.g. smoke weed). I asked her to stop but she doesn't see anything wrong with asking questions/asking for reassurance. |
t3_m1sob | AskReddit | How can I be more compassionate to other people in my life? | Hello Reddit,
I am currently in a undergrad psych program and I am growing tired of the intellectual positioning and general time wasting I experience when encountering my peers.
All of this is based in the belief that: something is wrong with me, and I need to prove myself (to myself and to you) to find verification in myself.
This cultivates in arguing on the bases of "who's wrong" and "who's right" or "look at me I'm smart" by putting up these false personalities that differ from each person to the next and it's *absolutely insane*.
This is a huge waste of time and *I fucking hate it*. I am reading a book right now about being more compassionate to those who don't love themselves and then waste my time trying to prove themselves by using excessive words etc., but I really have an issue with it and then I get "judgmental" about it which is playing *the same game* they are playing. I want to be loving to people, because I know this will draw them out of the bullshit and into reality which is here *now*.
Then things would be a lot more efficient etc., but at this current moment in time I need to get my degree so I can go out into the world and help more people. If you have any ideas on this, please post!
I really need help as I'm just totally lost as to what to do.
Thanks! | how do I act more compassionate and loving to people who don't love their trueselves and it's blatantly obvious? |
t3_3ve2u0 | relationships | I [33m] hate the way my [31f] girlfriend dresses. She gave me an ultimatum and I am reeling. | I hate the way [33m] my girlfriend [31f] dresses.
I have been with Katie for 2 years. She is beautiful and fun and funny. I love her with everything that I am.
However, recently Katie lost about 50 pounds. It isn't that she changed her overall look, its that she has continued it despite being able to fit into more mainstream clothing stores.
It was one thing when she was an 18/20 and Torrid/Lane Bryant was the only places carrying her stuff. Now she fits into other places and she just wears the same styles as before. I have bought her clothing (modest, not even anything risque) that she returns for something else.
She wears a lot of leggings with dresses, oversized sweatshirts, huge sweaters, and beanies. She has something covering her hair almost all the time. She layers her clothing and I hate the style.
She has told me to stop buying her clothing or she is going to break up with me. She says it bothers her because she is a grown woman and can dress how she likes. She says when she isn't at work or going on a date with me, she is going to keep wearing the layers. She likes the way it looks and she is dressing for herself. I either accept the way she dresses or I can find another girlfriend.
I don't know what to do. I don't know why she would jump to breaking up. She has told me she doesn't give a 'flying fuck' how I feel about her clothing.
She dresses well for work, in cute outfits. I love the way she looks when we go out to nice places. But 90% of the time is baggy, layered, legging outfits. She also wears messanger bags 100% of the time and will never leave it at home. I just feel like I am dating a middle schooler.
What should I do? How do we handle this? | I hate the way my girlfriend dresses. She has given me an ultimatum to either drop the topic or she will break up with me. |
t3_18oan4 | relationship_advice | My BF [m/24] changes his mind a lot on our weekend plans, is it bad if I still go out even though he decided to stay home? | I'm f/22 and we've been together for 1 1/2 years. Lately, he hasn't been wanting to go out on the weekends and stuff. We've kind of talked about it and basically what it comes down to is that he doesn't feel like putting the energy into being social or spending money on drinks. That's fine and I get it, but I still want to go out.
I'm in school currently and 6 days a week I'm buried in books or attending study groups. So when the weekend rolls around I like to go out and do something. It doesn't have to be the bars (although it usually ends up being that), I just want to go *do something*. He's never in the mood to do anything except stay at home/lay in bed/watch tv/play video games.
So tonight, we had plans to go out with some friends. But he just called and said he doesn't want to anymore because he's tired (makes sense, he spent all day working hard). He kind of expects me to say, "OK babe that's fine I'll come over and we'll just lay low tonight and hang out". But we did that last night. And last weekend too. I'm perfectly fine going out with my girlfriends without him, but is this bad? I kind of feel like I'm ditching hhim to go out. On one hand, I think it's totally fair of me to go out, but on another hand I feel like he takes offense to it.
Also, although compromise is normally great in relationships, I don't want to ask him to compromise and go out with my tonight. He'll just come and kind of pout/act like he wished he wasn't there and that's no fun for anyone.
What do you guys think? Is this bad? Normal? Am I over thinking all of this? | when bf changes his mind on going out on the weekends, is it bad if I just go out without him? |
t3_3l7whu | relationships | [23M] My crush [22 F] leaving for college, worth trying to start anything? | Hi reddit, for several months, I've had a huge on this neighbor girl, who I've never talked to but we've been seeing each other in church regularly. I've been waiting for a good opportunity to talk to her but I never managed to pull it off (I'm super shy around her, especially with parents around). Our parents know each other and probably would like to see us together (my mom definitely would). Unfortunately, I've found out today, that she's leaving for college tomorrow, that's 6 hours away. She might be coming back for weekends and holidays, but she's going to stay there for the next 3 years. I feel really miserable now and I deeply regret not doing anything for such a long time.
I haven't added her on FB yet because I wanted our first contact to be in person and now I see that was a mistake. I was wondering, however, whether it might be feasible to message her now, tell her what I feel and, at least, try to start a friendship. I don't want to hold her back when starting relationships or, God forbid, feel guilty for leaving. I am very happy for her that she was accepted, but, at the same time, I really wish she was still here. | Long time crush leaving for college tomorrow, never talked to each other but seen each other regularly. Worth shooting a message now? |
t3_qqxgf | BreakUps | Why are girls like this? | Im a 20 male and taking a semester off of college cause I got my ass kicked last semester. I was dating a girl from that school for almost a year. We were madly in love with each other, like head over heels only one i can think about, so this is what love feels like king of love.When I told her how i was probably not going to be back this spring and that i needed her support cause I was feeling down, she ended our relationship. No chance at long distance or helping me when I needed it, she ended it cause i wouldnt be there and she felt like she wanted to be single anyway. This all happened right after christmas.
About a month and a half ago ago i was talking to her and the topic of her missing and still caring for me came up. She wanted me to get my act together so I could comeback to her and we'd get back together.
A few weeks ago i turned to her when I founf out my dad has cancer. But this tie she was not as supportive as I would have hoped, and just seened cold. This was only a few weeks after she was saying she was missing me.
I found out today she already had a new boyfriend. Im just feel like shit. I know Im in love with her still, but i feel sick and pissed that she has someone new after wanting to be single only a few months ago. meanwhle I had to court her for like a month to mak her mine in the first place.
I just want to know if all girls end up breaking hearts when they cant get their way? This is probably the biggest heartbreak Ive had since my dad had left our family. Im tired of it and I just need it to stop happening. Please help me heal it, i just cant take anymore. | Girlfriend ended our relationship cause it would have to be long distance for a time and she wanted to be single anyway. Now she has a new boyfriend after being single for a short time. |
t3_2johti | pettyrevenge | Turn up late to my party? No gourmet scotch egg and pictures for you | I threw a party at my house for a group of friends last night. I have never really got on with one person in the group, but I like to be civil and inclusive because others like her and I don't want to be 'that guy,' so I invited her too. Despite others saying it would have been ok not to invite her.
In the build up to the party, she had been very active on our chain of messages saying how excited she was and how good the party was going to be. When it came to the actual event she was no where to be seen and sent a vague message at 11pm (party started at 6pm) saying she was in a bar. As part of the food spread I bought some gourmet scotch eggs from the fancy butcher and had been saving her one as they were everyones favourite food item, however when we received that message I offered it to someone else.
She eventually turned up at 1.30am when the party was winding down and I also knew she likes to be in pictures. I had my SLR camera on the side and when she turned up I put the camera away. I took quite a few pictures through out the night and I will put them on Facebook later knowing she will be a little annoyed that I didn't get any of her. | Someone was very late to a party I through, I gave away the fancy food I had been saving for her and I put my camera away when she finally did arrive so she wont be in any pictures from the night. |
t3_35ngb8 | relationships | Me [26 M] with my gf [19 F] dating for one year, very mad at me... | I am a successful writer for an internet blog. I write about politics, current events, and general thoughts I'm having. I've always separated my work life from my personal life hitting up chicks.
About a year ago me and my cute asian gf started dating. She's super cool, loves nerdy stuff and video games. She never really cared about my job until a few days ago. One day I came home from the local internet cafe (that's where I do my writing) and she had this look on her face.
It's generally hard to read her facial expressions. As an Asian, she doesn't really show a ton of emotion except for this really cute giggle she does every once in a while when I dance around to Eminem.
Anyway, I write on my site how women are equal to men and the household should be run equally by the both of them. She googled the name of my site while I was out and saw what I write.
Being a very "submissive" type of girl, she started getting angry and telling me that I should be the lead the household and I'm supposed to be bossy. She said that reading my "progressive propaganda" (her words) made her very sad. What should I do?? | qt3.14 10/10 Asian gf wants me to take charge and treat her as less important than me. I'm a progressive blogger that supports gender equality. What do? |
t3_2gbz9b | relationships | Me [25 M] -- Should I tell her, or keep it to my self? | So I've been at my current job for about 6 months now, I started here weighting 220lbs, dressing and looking like shit until... I met a co-worker and I immediately became infatuated with her beauty. I told my self that I will better my self for one day I will ask her out! So over the course of 6 months I've talked to her a little here and there to get to know a little bit about her. I think she realizes I like her because I try and strike up conversations to get to know her, but she doesn't seem interested in me (from my perspective anyway).
Over the course of 6 months I've dropped down to 160lbs, I feel amazing and I've actually started to care about my self image. I have a better posture from working out, and I dress completely different with fitted clothes and an actual hair style. I feel like I owe this girl at least a huge "Thank you!" even if she isn't interested in me, but I feel like it might be a little awkward or create an awkward vibe if I did tell her.
I work in a different program than said co-worker, so we don't work together, but we see each other (sometimes) once or twice a week.
I'm no longer infatuated by this girl, but she is still gorgeous and I would love to get to know her better, but either way... -- I'm just looking for advice whether to tell this co-worker how much I'm grateful for her existing and how it's bettered my life, or just keep it to my self and go about my life. (Advise on how to tell her this would also be awesome, I can't seem to put my appreciation into words) | Became infatuated with co-worker, went from 220lb down to 160lbs. Should I tell her how her beauty has inspired me to lose weight and overall better my self? |
t3_2vu98u | relationships | Me [19 M] with my girlfriend [20 F] of 1 year, Just broke up, I don't know what to do with myself | So I just broke up with my girlfriend of one year. I don't know who else to talk to so I'm coming to you guys right out of my heart. I loved, and still love her, and she loved and still loves me. We had a mutual breakup about a month ago, and I was ok with it, in fact about a week later, I rebounded pretty hard and hooked up with two other girls.
My now Ex and I kept talking though. The reason we chalked our break up down to was 'fundamental differences.' i.e. I'm jewish and want that to be part of my life, where as she is catholic, and it was very hard for her to understand and love the jewish part of my life. Eventually this difference led to arguments about our future together, and I got scared and jumped out of the relationship when I didn't see what I wanted coming to fruition down the line. For about a month, we kept talking and occasionally hooking up.
I figured this was normal for two people who were very close in their relationship. Tonight, we came to the conclusion that we don't want to be together, but we don't want to be completely out of each other's lives either. So for right now, we deleted each other's phone numbers off of our phones, and are going radio silent for the time being. I know I can put myself back out there, and I'm prepared to do so, I'm just hurting a lot because A. its valentines day, and B. I'm so used to talking to her literally all the time, not to mention we live in the same town and I have to walk by her dorm almost every day. So anyway, I just wanted to let all you know this and know that I am doing ok, and I don't want to drink or smoke these feelings away, or do drugs or hurt myself or anything like that, I just need some help figuring out what I want.
Thanks for listening everyone. | broke up with my GF of 1 year, it hurts, wanted to let everyone know and ask for some guidance in how to move on. |
t3_xb8hg | relationship_advice | A little help reddit? | So, where to begin...
I just moved to a new country and met a guy within my first few weeks here. We hit it off right away and I had a huge crush. Went on a few dates and on the third date he told me that he was technically still married and has a son. Things continud, getting more serious, for 3 months. He went away for a month, came back and now we ended things when his "wife" confronted him about me.
I'm just really broken up over it reddit. I didn't realize how crazy about this guy I actually was. Any advice for getting over him? | Ex of three months is married (but seperated) with child, wife found out about me and is understandably pissed. He ended things, can't get over it. Advice? |
t3_2ysw1i | relationships | Non-romantic- My [26f] awesome professor [30M] overheard me complaining about my courses. Should I tell him he wasn't who I was griping about? | So this may be a petty post, but I've been thinking about it for the last 24 hours and still feel horrible.
I've been in university for the last 1.5 years and am graduating next spring. All of my major classes are now upper division, and have thus far been a serious pain in the ass, with giant group projects due right before finals. I decided to take up a Computer Science minor this quarter because it goes hand in hand with my major, and I figured I'd never learn to code on my own. My first CS class has been fun, fairly easy in regards to homework, and my professor is young, funny...overall great.
I was complaining to a couple friends (after our CS class had just ended) about how sleep deprived I've been because of my OTHER classes, but I'm an idiot and simply said "Ugh, my professors have been such jackasses this quarter." We all complained a little more after that, and then walked out of the classroom to see our professor standing right outside the door.
I don't know if he heard me/us, but we had been sitting right by the exit, and he was standing literally 6 feet away so I'm fairly positive he heard. I really like this professor, he's been super helpful and accommodating- he even scheduled office hours for me when I needed help outside his normal hours.
I don't want him to think I called *him* a jackass, but I'm then worried that if I do say anything about it, it'll seem like I'm trying to suck up. What should I do, just leave it alone or clarify my statement?! | Was being a whiney student, called my professors jackasses, but want my 1 professor in particular to know I truly didn't mean that about him. |
t3_4cb6qm | AskDocs | Raised Thyroid levels and lumps on neck and above Adams apple, what could this be? | [17/FEMALE/WEIGHT:10 Stone/RACE:White]
So for quite a long time, I've been VERY tired to the point where I've been sleeping none stop, I can probably sleep for over 20 hours and still be tired, I've had weight gain, Mood swings, Blurred vision and a lump on my upper right eyelid which has been there for months, severe muscle ache in my left knee cap, dry skin, Heavy periods although I'm on the depo and pain on the right side of my neck and a slightly raised bump along with a few other bumps i can barely feel and one quite big one above my adams apple.
I went to the doctors about this, had blood test's and they found out that my thyroid levels are slightly raised..
I have a Double Doctors appointment on the 31st. | I know there could be a few things wrong but based on my symptoms is there something be worried about? and what is the lump above my Adams apple? |
t3_54fis6 | relationships | Me [22 M/F] with my long-distance girlfriend [23 F] of one year, communication issues | *Look, I know the typical advice for every problem is just to break up, but I really would rather not. I'm looking for people to help brainstorm solutions for me.*
For about 9 months out of our one year relationship, this has been a long distance relationship. I facetime with my girlfriend nearly every day. Recently, there have been two major issues (from my perspective):
1. I think 1 hour a day is a good amount of time to spend talking. It seems like this really bothers my girlfriend, though. Whenever I tell her that I'm going to leave soon, she asks, "So soon?" I really do love her, but I have some interests (namely programming) that I'd really like to pursue.
2. I feel like she sort of dominates the conversation sometimes. Sometimes when she's talking I try to say something and then she says, "Wait just let me finish" and then goes on for so long that I forget what I was going to say originally. Because of this, I've noticed myself zoning out of a lot of our conversations because I just don't feel involved. I feel like my input doesn't really matter.
I haven't brought up #1 with her yet, but I did bring up #2 yesterday. She didn't take it very well. I might not have worded it that well because she felt like it was an attack on her and she started saying, "I have noticed you zoning out. It's really obvious. Maybe if I'm so boring then I just won't talk about myself any more."
I was trying to say that if I felt like my opinion mattered then I probably wouldn't zone out so much, but I guess she thought that I just think she's boring. I'm honestly kind of upset because I feel like she just completely disregarded how I felt.
How can I deal with this? | Long-distance girlfriend doesn't seem to understand how I feel when it doesn't seem like she cares about my opinion. How can I work through this? |
t3_tngu7 | AskReddit | Reddit, I have had my dreams given to me and ripped right back out from under me in just a few days, I need guidance as to where I go next. | I am currently a freshman in college who applied to transfer for next year. I applied to one school, and that university had been my dream school since as long as I cared about a college education. I have always pictured myself there, in that city, learning at such a great place. Just a few days ago I heard back having submitted my application, and I had been accepted. That moment was probably the happiest moment in my life until this day. I had worked so hard, poured my heart into the application and put in a huge amount of effort into doing well my first year of college, and it paid off. I had gained acceptance into my dream university.
My family and my friends were elated, but I was told to remain weary until the money came, as we could not afford to send me there without financial aid. Just a few days later, I got my financial aid reward. Nothing. Like that my dreams were dashed as I looked to the yearly budget line that gave a figure allotting to half of my parent's collective income. That number took my acceptance away from me in an instant. Now I sit here with no idea of what to do. Do I call the university and lobby for more money? Has anyone else found themselves in this position and gotten out of it? Is it a lost cause? Are there good scholarships available? I can't take out student loans as I won't have the money to pay of $100,000, so that option is out. What do I do, how do I go about advocating my position to the financial aid department? Any advice would be greatly appreciated as I have worked so hard for this and am not ready to let it slip away so easily. | Received admission to my dream university, received no financial aid, cannot afford to go. How do I go about finding the funds short of student loans and the subsequent debt? |
t3_2b94o5 | relationship_advice | I [21/m] have been with my SO [19/f] for about 4 years. I just met a girl [23/f] and we've only talked a couple times and I am slowly falling in love with her. What do I do? | **Let me preface this by saying: This all happened while on a large "church" group camping trip that my friend brought me along with him to.**
As the title says, I have met a new girl recently and I think she feels the same as I do about her. We originally just exchanged glances and then she grabbed me and made me dance with her and she was drunk so I didn't want to try anything. But the next day same thing happened but I was also drunk. Sadly she went to bed earlier than I did, so nothing much happened. Fast forward 2 days and tons more semi awkward smile laced glances, The large group trip is over and she comes up to me and gives me her number and tells me she thinks we should hang out sometime. Also we live like 7 miles from each other. We have been texting and realized we actually have a fair amount in common.
I must say that my current relationship is the longest I have ever had. I am not really sure if I still love her or if I am afraid to be alone. We have separated before for about a month because we wanted to possibly see other people while away at college. After I got lonely we got back together.
I am completely lost and I have no idea what to. I have only been intimate with 2 women (***1 while on said break***) and I really do want to see what will come of this but I don't want to hurt my current SO. | I met a girl at camp and don't want to hurt my SO but I don't know if I am happy with my SO in the first place. |
t3_1w8ocl | relationships | Me [34M] married for four years to my wife [37]. Started fooling around online with a woman [34F] who didn't know I was married. We have fallen in love and she just found out I was married. | I've been married for six years to my wife. We have a child. Things have been pretty good.
Until recently. Things started getting stale and I unfortunately decided to look for some fun online. I met a woman whom I did not tell that I was married. We had some fun, trading pics, dirty chat, etc. But it quickly became much more. We had so much in common, more in common than my wife and I. I felt drawn to this woman. A real connection. Over the course of time I fell in love with her. And she with me.
I had to figure out a way to get out. I knew I couldn't continue to deceive her. I tried to feign a commitment problem on my end. Told her I was no good at it and that I needed a break. That was my way of breaking it off. We said our goodbyes and I know I was heartbroken. She was too. But it couldn't continue.
She found a post of mine on reddit a couple of days later and figured out I was married. That brought the truth out between us which actually felt good. I knew I was an asshole for stringing her along but I selfishly didn't want to lose her. Now things are over. For good. I broke her heart. Crushed it, actually. And that feels horrible. And the fact that we'll never know if it was real.
I don't know if I'm really asking for advice so much as just trying to get this off my chest. I've told no one about this woman, not even my closest friends. Certainly not my wife. I can't separate from my wife. We have a young child who is my life. I don't think I could bear to not see him every day. Anyways, comment away. And if you call me a terrible asshole, I deserve that. | I emotionally cheated on my wife, am in love with another woman I've never met and she found out I was married. It's over now and we are both heartbroken. |
t3_4zt50i | tifu | TIFU by calling 911 instead of a phone sex number | The fuck up literally just happened, I was sitting in NY hotel room with some friends watching TV, when all of a sudden a phone sex Comercial popped up. We joked and giggled and I was dared to call the number. The number started with 1-800 and the rest of the numbers followed. Now on the hotel landlines you have to dial 91 and then the number to make a phone call. So I put in 91-1-800-(rest of the number) and start dialing. I hear someone pick up and they say those words we all know, "Hello this is 911, what is your emergency?". I freaked out and forgot everything I ever learned about staying on the line and letting the person know everything is ok and proceeded to hang up. Now fast forward about 30 min and there's a police officer knocking on my hotel room door. The police officer had been to everyones room in the hotel to make sure that things were ok. I explained everything to him and apologized, and he just chuckled and told me to be careful and not dial 911 unless it was an emergency. It was quite possibly the most embarrassing moment of my life. | called 911 instead of sexy phone girls, hung up, and had police officer show up at hotel going to everyone's room making sure everyone was ok |
t3_52002s | tifu | TIFU by making my work lose quite a bit of money | So this happened literally six hours ago...
I got into work in a pretty good mood today as I had an early finish at 9pm and actually had plans for once. Awesome. I work part time in a local bar alongside uni, so early finishes on Fridays are rare.
I clocked in at 5pm and immediately started serving someone who wanted three unlimited soft drinks and a pint of lime and soda. When you run drinks through the till, you can either press each product individually or input the amount followed by the product. Pretty straight forward, right?
Well as I press the amount, the entire till completely crashes, so I try to override it by pressing another button on the till, but as soon as I do that, it randomly flashes back to life, but it still hasn't shown the amount on the till, so I press the amount again, but still have no luck... So I press it again...
This is where it goes south... When the stupidly slow till eventually sorts itself out, it ended up running through 333 soft drinks instead of 3... Which came to £915.75... I immediately tell my general manager, who was serving on the till next to me, and he tries to void it all, but the till said that the file wasn't big enough to completely void everything off. We tried splitting the check three ways and voiding it from there but had no luck with that either, so my general manager tells the duty manager to ring head office and get them to sort it out.
From that point on my shift was great! Got a few tips, seen some old friends and everything went smoothly, until Nick, the duty manager, comes round from the office telling me that head office can't sort it out, and that it'll have to be ran through as a cash loss...
A £915.75 cash loss...
I don't know what's gonna happen when I get into work tomorrow. Surely I can pin this one on the till being horrendously slow, but I guess I'll find out... Will keep you updated! | Put 333 drinks through the till instead of 3. Boss couldn't void it off. Had to be ran through as a £915.75 cash loss. No idea what's gonna happen. |
t3_3ga6uz | relationships | My [30F] spouse [30M] bought a motorcycle and I hate it. | We've been together for 5 years and married for 3. We have a fantastic, healthy, openly communicative relationship. So let's skip to the motorcycle stuff. My dislike of motorcycles is something we've discussed, but not presented as a deal breaker. He had never really expressed interest in them until this year.
Earlier this summer, he informed me that he had signed up for a motorcycle safety class and intended to get his motorcycle certification on his license. I asked if this meant he was getting one, and he replied "yes."
We have credit card debt, but we're not swimming in it. We have a two year old, plans for a second baby in the near future, and a high deductible health plan that would require us saving up to do so, which is what I thought we were doing. Buy it was pretty clear his mind was made up and the freight train to motorcycle land had departed. In fact, he had been saving up for a while, he explained. Not enough to pay cash for it, but a large portion.
I expressed that I want thrilled, but that I wouldn't stop him. The idea of him spending an hour a day doing something I consider dangerous (e.g. deaths are 26x more likely than cars per mile traveled according to the IIHS) terrifies me. I know, people tend to respond by rote that "cars are dangerous too" and "you can't live your life in a cage," but it just seems like an unnecessarily risky behavior to me.
So he got the bike, and while I was upset that it punched a hole in our financial plans (no vacations, no baby for a while, tightening the belts, etc.) I tried to at least get over my anxiety regarding his safety and be supportive.
But it's eating at me. Before he bought it, I know my feelings were communicated clearly, but I didn't lay down a "wifely veto"...which is not really a part of our dynamic.
Is there a positive, forward moving path from here? I am not going to submit an ultimatum. The bike makes him happy. Is the only path for me to "get over it?" | He got it, I hate it, don't know how to resolve my anxiety and his happiness with his new hobby. |
t3_2ha0os | relationships | Me [18 F] with my BF [17 M] of 1.5 years and his unbearably overprotective parents | Hey Reddit! I could really use some advice. (throwaway because my bf is on reddit)
Background: My BF and I have been dating for about a year and a half. I recently moved into college as a freshman while he is a senior in high school. The college I'm attending and the high school are only 30 miles apart, a 45 minute drive on a slow day. There haven't been any problems in the relationship and overall I'm quite happy.
HOWEVER his parents are driving me insane. I don't know how to tell him this without sounding like a raging bitch but it's gotten to an unbearable level. We can't call each other on the phone, FaceTime or Skype unless his parents are within earshot and supervising. He's not allowed to visit the city where my college is AT ALL unless his parents drive him up (he has a license and his own car) and even then they want to wait outside my dorm so they'll know we didn't stay in my dorm room for too long.
This is the last year we will be in such close proximity (he will most likely go to a college ~3 hours away from me next year) and I really just want to see him as often as possible. I've already visited him once and am going home again this weekend, but I know that his parents will insist on me coming over to their house if we want to hang out at all.
I don't want to be alone to have intimate relations; I really just want to cuddle and watch netflix without his parents sitting 10 feet away.
How do I bring this up to him and what are some possible solutions/things he could say to his parents to get them to ease up on us? Has anyone been in a similar situation? | My bf's parents are unbearably overprotective; what can I or my bf do to stop this? |
t3_46ueeu | relationships | [NSFW] After a while sex with my boyfriend hurts me [22F] him [24m] | I've only had one partner before and he never really lasted very long. But I really enjoyed the sex.
My new boyfriend is amazing and when we have sex he never gets off so he will go for a while. I always thought I was really good at it until him. I end up getting sore after a while even though I'm still turned on and wet. I'll get off like 3 times and he's still going. He says it doesn't bother him but I feel like I'm letting him down.
When I do get sore he goes down on me but then I get too sensitive and we have to stop.
I don't want to be a selfish lover but I feel like I'm letting him down even though he tells me I'm not. Is there anything I can do to not get sore? Will I get better in time? I'm still really new and he's very experienced compared to me. | my new boyfriend lasts a long time in bed and I end up getting sore even though I'm still wet and turned on. Is there anything I can do to build up endurance or help him get off too? I feel bad :( |
t3_1f1kr3 | pettyrevenge | Deny me shower gel? I think not. | The other day I decided to use my fiancé's shower gel while showering as I had none myself. I figured it would be okay given that a) we have a pretty open relationship, and b) he uses my fruity shaving gel and shampoo on a regular basis without asking.
I mentioned it to him in passing afterwards that I had used a small amount (shower gel goes a long way, and he has a huge bottle of it) just to let him know. Well he starts acting like a 5 year old, whining about how it is his shower gel and I can`t do that, blah blah blah.
So this time around I used his shower gel and don`t plan on mentioning it to him. In fact, I think I`m going to use it every time he now uses my shaving gel and shampoo. | Look at your man, now back to me, now back at your man, now back to me. Sadly he isn`t me, but he could smell like he`s me. Old Spice, now made for a woman. |
t3_3z06qo | relationships | I [19 M] want to find a girlfriend [18 F] (18-19 is fine), but don't know how to start. | So I haven't had a serious relationship in a while and every time I want to get into a relationship with a girl I seem to always end up in a FWB with them because I keep landing girls that I ordinarily wouldn't date or find attractive enough for me (yeah it sounds terrible and I'm sorry for sounding like a douchebag). I'm tired of being in relationships with girls that I have absolutely nothing in common with, and I'm tired of just hooking up all the time.
I just want to meet someone I find truly great, and hopefully fall in love as a college student. However, my social skills aren't quite there yet. I don't like drinking or smoking at all, and unless I know everyone well, I don't like hanging out in groups and sometimes get a bit of anxiety when having to meet and greet new people. Does anyone have tips on how to perhaps talk to girls, and be able to determine if they are good girlfriend material (for you)? How do I go out talking to a girl? How do I approach without being a sexist douchebag? I'm a virgin and prefer to have a virgin girlfriend, so I'd love to have a way to determine that too.
Please don't hate me reddit ^__^ | Picky college sophomore wants to find girl of his dreams (or at least a fun serious relationship), but is too shy to approach an attractive girl. |
t3_1t2i1k | relationships | Me [26 M] cheated on my ex-gf [25 F] with a girl from the gym (21 F). NEW GIRL DIED IN A FIRE, I can't talk to anyone about it. | 100% serious. I feel like a heartless asshole and can't talk to anyone about this. Feelings of guilt and sadness, because of my actions towards the girl who died in a fire.
I cheated on my gf of 3 years and dumped her shortly afterwards. The girl I cheated with was someone I met at the gym, and she died in a house fire last weekend. She was very pretty but I refused to date this girl because I thought she was 'easy' + she was single for a while and couldn't find a boyfriend (I assumed there was something wrong with her emotionally).
SHE DIED IN A FUCKING FIRE. And the last thing I did was tell her I wouldn't date her seriously because she was an easy lay. The worst part is I can't tell my new gf about any of this (she already knows I cheated, doesn't know about the girl I cheated with or the fire).
I feel very alone, and hurt from my coldness towards her. | I cheated no ex gf with a new girl, new girl died in a fire. I can't admit this to anyone and I said mean stuff to her. |
t3_2b9ity | tifu | TIFU by being way too trusting in a Kijiji deal | So my girlfriend is in Korea visiting her family and I thought I should give her a surprise when she comes back. She knows how much I love video games, so she wants to get into them but doesn't really like the traditional style of games. Anyways, I thought she would love the Kinect on the Xbox 360, so I bought one for her (the basic 4GB with Kinect). However that night I saw a KOTOR 2 on original Xbox for sale on Kijiji, now some back story is I loved KOTOR but couldn't ever find KOTOR 2 since I played the first one years after it came out. So of course I bought it, completely forgetting that I lost my original Xbox in a house fire this past December (I know, crazy thing to forget). Knowing that the 4GB Xbox doesn't play original xbox games I turned to Kijiji to find a hard drive and there sure enough some kid had posted a swap deal. He said he had a 250GB slim that he never played and wanted a lower memory system and some cash. Of course this was perfect for me so I agreed on the trade and $30. We meet outside the local Tim Horton's (should have known something was up when he didn't get any Tims, what Canadian goes to a Tims and doesn't get anything?). The Xbox looks alright, a little dirtier than mine, but no big deal. I just trusted everything was as the kid said. Needless to say I got home to find there is no hard drive in the Xbox and it's console banned. Tried emailing the kid but no response. (When I say kid, I mean around 17 or 18). I told the gf about it all and she was surprised by the gift but disappointed that I got ripped off. She says that it's not a big deal but either way I know I dropped the ball. | Go to make gift for the girlfriend a little better but was lied to by a teenager, and now the gift is a little worse. |
t3_14b0u1 | relationships | My girlfriend (21f) is going to Greece for 6 months and I (22m) will not be able to visit her, what are the best ways to handle our sexual frustration while maintaining the relationship? | So the title contains the essential question, I have been dating my girlfriend for about ten months now and she will be studying abroad in Greece for the next six months or so. I have a much higher sex drive than my girlfriend (she has had some issues with depression this semester and it tanked her desire to be intimate, it was not an issue last semester) and we are both painfully aware that the lack of physical intimacy will be a big issue for me. I tend to put a lot of stock in physical intimacy (from cuddling to intercourse) and the thought of being deprived has put me a bit on edge.
My girlfriend is much less comfortable with the idea of an open relationship than I am but we are both pushing for it for different reasons. I am completely willing to not pursue an open relationship to prevent hurting her but she knows that I will be frustrated as all hell. She wants to figure out a way she could be okay with it, so basically I am looking for advice from people who have been in open relationships or any advice as to an alternate situation. | GF is going to Greece and we are trying to figure out how to deal with my unreasonable libido while maintaining the relationship and not hurting any feelings. |
t3_1d9ngp | dating_advice | I [17F] hooked up with a guy, now I have feelings for him. | I'm kind of friends with the guy. Before we hooked up, we made sure we didn't have feelings for each other at the time and said that we wouldn't develop feelings for each other. Well that obviously didn't work on my side of the equation. :/
I've pretty much already reconciled myself to him not wanting to date me, as most of the stuff that google has told me is. at best "guys are better at keeping sex and emotions separate than girls", and, at worst, something along the lines of "once a girl hooks up with a guy, he sees her as a piece of meat/whore and not as girlfriend material". Which is sad as I don't think most guys are like that.... But that pretty much sums up all the advice I've found. :/
Anyway, I was just wondering. What would be the most effective and least awkward way of gauging his feelings (or lack thereof) for me and getting a chance at dating him. If such a thing is possible.
Asking mutual friends is not a possibility. He's a really nice guy though, always thought so before we hooked up, and he's done nothing since to change that perception. | Hooked up with a guy, developed feelings, want to know how to ask him out or something without making things really awkward. |
t3_1vslfl | relationships | Reddit, I'm desperate for advice. Me [27 M] with my girlfriend [27 F] for 4 years are going to get engaged and suddenly I'm very scared and having all of these thoughts. | I'm at school pursuing a degree, and so is my girlfriend. We are about to get engaged (we discussed getting the ring soon). For some reason I suddenly started thinking about "the one that got away". This is a girl that I was friends with before and we probably would have ended up being together if we weren't both leaving our hometown to go to grad school. She was a really good match for me (at least it seemed), especially in terms of lifestyle... where we would want to vacation, and what we like to do for fun.. our political views, etc. I was never actually with her though. It doesn't help that this person's parents are incredibly rich. I think that is what sparked thinking of her... suddenly I was thinking about my financial future when I remembered what it would have been like if I had ended up with her.
Reddit, if I end it it with my girlfriend she will have to go back to her country unless she finds a job. That's the reason we wanted to get married. Is it normal to be scared about getting married? I love my girlfriend and it would break her heart if I ended it... it makes me ill just thinking about it. Not only this, but the other girl in my hometown (3 hours drive away) is in a new relationship. If I wasn't thinking about this other girl suddenly then I wouldn't even consider being with anyone else. I'm absolutely desperate for advice. I can't talk about this to anyone else or everyone will be shocked. | I'm going to get engaged soon and now I'm thinking about the one that got away. Want to know if this is normal. |
t3_oly25 | AskReddit | How long did it take you to complete your college degree? Do you regret anything? | When I started in university, I was suffering from a lot of emotional and health problems and wound up failing out and transferring to a community college. I'm doing much better now, but I'm in my 5th year of school and am only NOW getting my associates degree. I have at least 2 more years until I get my bachelors. People question my decision constantly, telling me how strange it is, and doubt my intelligence.
I also switched majors 4-5 times. My regret is not trying harder once I got the help I needed and for not going to community college right from the get go. I don't know how I'll finish paying for school. | Failed out of school and am now 5 years in working on my Associates. I regret not trying harder and wasting my financial aid. |
t3_2jr08e | relationships | Me [23 F] with my nosey host [60s F]. She's ruining my experience of a great city. | I am 23 F and currently on rotations for school. I stay in different cities for 5 weeks at a time for different sites. In most cities, I'm staying with family or friends, but I don't know anybody in this city. My school listed my host, 60s F, as a possible place to stay during my time in this particular city.
My issue is that she is very nosey! When I come home she barrages me with questions about my day. Asks me who I was with, what I did, for how long, etc. She makes a note of what time I get up every day and what time I come home. She once said to me, "So, it seems like you get up around 7 every morning," and she had nothing else to add to that statement. And she'll use this as a piece of conversation: "So, you got home around 10 o'clock last night. You must have had fun! What'd you do?"
She's had other students stay with her in the past and, apparently, they've had similar issues. I'm not sure how they resolved those.
I get so annoyed with her and anxious that she'll make a comment about my schedule that I try to sneak in and out of the house. As soon as I come home, I go into my room so she won't bother me. She knows when I get up and get home, so she makes sure to always be in the kitchen when she knows I'll be using it, like for breakfast and dinner times. She's retired, so she has all day to use the kitchen, but chooses to use it when she knows I'll be home.
Maybe this is a petty issue. I'm only here for another 21 days and I want to be able to enjoy myself. Should I just ignore this and be as pleasant as possible? | My host feels the need to know about everything that is going on in my life and it makes me uncomfortable. What should I do? |
t3_10lzlx | dating_advice | 19F met a 22M on reddit for mental illness discussion but ended up dating instead - any hope for progress? | So as the title suggested, I met a guy on reddit to discuss about depression. I was both lonely and emotionally drained because of my mental illness and I was glad to meet someone in the same position. I got along with the guy much better than expected, and the next thing I knew, I was in his room giggling and watching shows. If felt great because we had nothing to hide and kept everything honest to each other. We made out soon after that. The next day, I came back to his room again and this time, we were close to having sex. I didn't let him go all the way since I was a virgin and felt things should slow down. He agreed and we wrestled on bed for some time. The next day however, he didn't reply anything back after he asked me what I was up to (I responded the typical classes and club meetings). He never texted anything back which made me wondered if he was interested in me at all. Note that he is in a frat and he was the first guy that I got that intimate. Should I still pursue him or is it just a one time thing? | met a guy for mental illness but ending up dating for 2 days, he didn't responded back afterward - should I text/call him again? |
t3_3d1n7u | tifu | TIFU by drunkenly asking a girl out on a date through text at 3 am. | I woke up to immediate regret my decision, yet was ready to face whatever answer came my way. Unfortunately, my body must have decided it did not want to see the result, as I apparently pissed myself in my sleep. Yes, I was so drunk that I peed the bed as a 22 year old man. This of course resulted in my phone breaking from water damage, as it will currently not turn on. To make matters worse, I have an iphone and the girl does not, so I can't even see her messages on my Mac. My life is in shambles. | Drunk texted a girl at 3 am. Pissed myself and broke my phone. I have no idea what her answer is. |
t3_2di8sr | offmychest | I think about killing myself after losing a game of chess or go. | It seriously fucking angers me. I just played a game where a dumbass attacked the stone I put down in the corner on the FIRST MOVE (in Go, this is about the worst thing you can do, it's the equivalent of sacrificing your queen in the first moves in Chess.) He gets so obsessed with that stone, and soon I have the entire board, easy game right? No, I lost a major fight in the center because I'm a fucking idiot. I could have still won, but I was so mad I resigned and went into a pathetic self loathing rant in the public chat of the site. | I need anger management, depression, and motivational help. I scratched up my thigh and it really hurts from all the anger. |
t3_3gjp5g | relationships | Me [20 M] with my Mother [42 F] and Uncle [50's M] where my uncle has started coming over and taking smokes/painkillers/food without asking, are we over-reacting? | Yo, sup r/relationships, just looking for some advice, I am 20 and studying online from home with a younger sister in her last year of high school (generally not around when uncle visits) and a mother who is studying teaching and volunteering at the local high school helping younger students (yr 8/9).
My uncle recently stopped working and has started receiving disability benefits and has moved in with friends of his nearby, so he has started coming over to visit us more often. He generally just sits on his phone complaining about everything (from young kids being rude to leg pains to politics), and goes through our cupboards taking painkillers (oh, you just bought a new box, I'll just take a strip), food and cigarettes without even asking.
It's got to the point where mum has started putting her smokes in the study, because he would take half a pack when she left him alone for a few minutes.
Last night is the main reason I am posting this, because I don't know exactly what to do. He came up last night while I was out, and when I got home mum was nearly in tears and really angry at him, because from what she told me, he came in and when straight to where we keep the medicine, grabbed a strip of pain killers, made a coffee, turned to his phone and left after about 15 minutes.
I did my best to be there and to calm her down enough to go to bed, but I just don't know exactly how I should deal with this. Would it be an over reaction if we asked him not to come around anymore? Or is it expected of family to be OK with another family member coming into your home and just taking whatever they want? | Uncle comes over, takes smokes/painkillers, is it an over reaction to ask him to not come over anymore? |
t3_16gjkj | AskReddit | A question about pharmacies and the restrictions on ordering CII medications. | To the best of my knowledge, pharmacies are only allowed to order a certain amount of C2 narcotics per month. I have recently learned that the small chain of pharmacies I work for are placing the narcotic order under one pharmacy and selling them at a different one. Forcing me to tell patients in extreme pain that they we are out of their pain medication because my boss can profit more by selling them at one of his other pharmacies. I want this to end, but I am not sure where to start as far as how to report this, or if I can report it anonymously, because I would love to keep my job, so it is making me wonder if Its worth reporting it in the first place, because it's hard to find a job these days, but I don't enjoy being a part of something I feel is morally wrong. Any advice or help would be very appreciated! | how illegal is it that the pharmacy chain I work for is ordering narcotics for one pharmacy and selling them at another to avoid ordering limit laws. |
t3_4gzgfr | relationships | My[28M] newlywed wife[29F] racked up a huge credit card bill and I don't know how to handle it. | My wife and I got married a few months ago and within that time she has racked up over $4000 on a credit card. She's spent it on nothing notable, and now she's asking me to pay it off.
Luckily, I have the money in my savings, but she's losing her job in a month. I just can't fathom tossing 4 grand knowing I'll never see it again. This is on top of a few thousand spent on her already for a car down payment. I know I should pay it off sooner than later because of interest, but I'm having trouble dealing with it. | wife racked up 4k on credit card and wants me to pay it off. How do I rationalize this and make sure this never happens again? |
t3_petem | relationships | Is it out of line for me to talk to SO about their drinking? | 24/m & 21/f together 7.5 months. Not living together.
So my boyfriend likes to drink. A lot. When I met him it initially didn't bother me. He had this magnetic personality that drew me to him and he was a lot of fun. We could talk all night, drink beer and watch a movie. It was almost perfect. There have been moments through the past year that have made me question our lifestyle though - moments where we've gotten in fights because he's so drunk he took my concern for his well being to mean something condescending and passive aggressive. I very rarely have a "fun night out" anymore, it always devolves into me driving us home or taking care of him in some way.
I've given him some bit of leeway - that this behavior might be because he's simply bored/coping. He's working a service job and sort of biding his time until I graduate (he's been out of school for a year or so) and he's also legitimately lost two people he knew for his whole life in the past year.
He's never been outwardly abusive - no hitting, no real emotional abuse other than what (I see) has been accidently misconstrued while being drunk. But lately I've found myself missing the person I fell in love with. I like the man that makes me dinner, takes me on hikes, watches and makes fun of bad movies with me. The drinking is getting worse - we are having less sex and I don't feel loved. It's sad I'm starting to live for the brief 20 mintues in the morning where we cuddle and I feel loved and safe again.
We are fairly open with communication but I just needed a little validation before I bring this up. This is a big issue and I don't want to cross the line. I don't want to break up with him. Is this alcoholism? My point of view is that if we are going to be in a serious relationship, a lifestyle choice has to be made or else he's probably going to lose me when I can't handle it anymore.
Sorry, relationships, at this point now I'm just talking to myself. | Pretty sure BF has drinking problem, trying to figure out if it's out of line to bring it up and try and work with him to better his life or to just give up and leave. |
t3_4xwpwq | Advice | How do I make friends outside of school and work? | I guess to start off, I'm 19, male, and recently finished my first year of university (a few months ago). However, I decided that I don't want to continue along that path (everything about it was a horrible experience, and completely killed my passion for my interests in computing).
Now I've actually become a lot happier than I used to be, my depression, anxiety, and paranoia have all radically lessened which is a pretty great relief. Unfortunately it feels like it may have all happened a little bit too late. Let me back up a little bit.
At the end of high school, my best friend moved from Alberta to British Columbia, so now he's pretty far away which sucks. Outside of him (who I do still talk to), I have one friend who actually still lives within a reasonable distance so we can hang out conveniently enough. However, she's moving during September to a city about 3 hours away. I'll be sure to stay in contact with her, and I'm sure we can still hang out once in a while, but I'd like to have friends, or at least one friend within a decent distance - someone to jsut do wahtever with, see movies, play games, etcetera. I've always preferred to have a fewer amount of friends - being relatively introverted I just prefer to hang out with only one or two people at a time.
Now my job is at a bakery - it's really great, I absolutely love it, and the people I work with are great (although that's mainly only 4 other people). However they're all decently older than me so I don't really think I can hang out with them outside of work often, it'd be pretty odd (of course the only one even close to my age [23], is my boss haha). So being that I don't interact with new people each and every day (or ever) at work, that's what made me think about asking for some advice.
If it helps, I enjoy reading, movies, pretty much any sort of nerdy stuff, just recently started reading some graphic novels and comics, I like some video games, and also love the Star Wars RPGs (kind of like DnD for Star Wars). | I don't have chances to meet people in my day-to-day life currently, and all my friends have left in one way or another. |
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