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t3_3zj8hx | relationships | Me [24 M] with my SO [24 F] of 2 years, shocks me with breakup. Can it be fixed? | My SO said she had lost feelings for me that she had when we first met. I had never sensed anything was shaky, and was a total shock to me. She had never showed that she was unhappy. If she wanted to go see her friends or go out almost every weekend, I would be more than happy to let her. We have always been a tight couple, and see each other almost every other day (not living together). I enjoy company with her friends and family, as she does mine.
She told me that I had done nothing wrong, and that people grow. That I had been a really good bf. We had always talked about getting married and having kids in the future. We never had massive fights, but sometimes small arguments about petty issues. She told me that there is no other guy, and that she hadn't talked about this with any of her friends. I have reached out to some of her friends who were in total shock, as were mine. After she told me, I was immediately heartbroken, but we ended up still holding each other and laughing; I feel she still loves me.
I had suggested we take a couple of days break to think, but I could feel she was pushing for me to accept it. We are now our break. I love her way too much to let her go. I feel our love for the past two years deserves work, and another chance. Does true love let her go or fight for her? | GF shockingly asks to break-up after two great years because she has lost feelings for me. Does this sound normal or is there something else behind it? |
t3_1k2ofy | relationships | Me[29M] with my [28F ex-fiance] 6 years, Help! I'm absolutely miserable. | My Girlfriend of 6 years, and at one point fiance dumped me. It's not without good reason. I have a drinking problem. It's caused problems for us in the past, and instead of actually seeking help, I just started to hide it from her. I'd drink at my friends houses, or wait for her to leave the house for a few hours and swear up and down that I hadn't been drinking.
Then I got a DUI, caught, red handed. She broke up with me on the spot and kicked me out of the house. Serves me right I know. I've since sought help, and I've been sober for 30 days as of this coming Monday. I'm determined to maintain my sobriety, but I'm still very much in love with her. I asked if I could take her to a concert this Saturday, but she said she'll have to think about it. Is there anything I can do to prove to her I'm serious about changing and possibly winning her back?
( | I'm a recovering alcoholic, now that I'm making a sincere effort to remain sober, I'm wondering if there's any hope to salvage my relationship) |
t3_3yciex | relationships | Me [26/F] with my "date" (?) [26 M] ~1 month, new to dating - HELP! | Hello!
Throwaway because the guy in question is on reddit.
Anyways, I had created an online dating profile a long time ago but was never really active on there. I decided to meet up with this guy who seemed cool and was pretty keen to go on a date with me.
Anyways, it's been about a month, and we've hung out about a half a dozen times (and FWIW, yes, I've slept with him). He seems to be more into me than I am him. He's cool and stuff, but I just don't get butterflies like I did with my ex. I'm also not used to all of the attention he is giving me (texting me throughout the day; wanting to plan trips for the spring, even though we're not even in a relationship). I told him we needed to slow things down and even though it's been more than a year since I've broken up with my ex, I guess I am still not over him. I am gauging everyone against him and no one is measuring up. Specifically, my ex's charisma and goofiness. This is one thing that I realized I really liked about my ex. The new guy seems too serious for me.
This isn't fair to the new guy. But I don't know if this is how dating works?? My ex was my only real relationship; I never "dated." Are you supposed to feel the chemistry right away or is it something you grow into? | Late bloomer on the dating scene, still not over my ex. Wondering if chemistry is felt immediately or it needs time to build? |
t3_4zw0wo | tifu | TIFU by implying I had herpes to all of my co-workers. | This happened yesterday, so I am at least trying here.
I was finishing up a shift with some friends, stacking up a pallet and getting ready to end the day. While chatting it up with the group (about 4-5 people) I took a drink of water and wiped my mustache afterwards. I felt a pain on my lip and noticed I had a dreaded cold sore starting to form. Feeling it is a common enemy of all mankind, I announce to a nearby pal "Damnit. I feel a cold sore coming on. They are the worst, eh?" Just bullshitting around, pondering my newfound misery.
He smirks and says "You got herpes or something?" I said "Well... yeah. Technically. Type 1" He looks down, a sense of pity in his voice... "Damn dude, didn't know." Things get quiet, I realize the other people nearby were also suddenly very quiet and avoiding eye contact. Before I could make sure they all knew the difference between type 1 and type 2 herpes, boss came out and asked people to help her with something. Everyone kind of shuffled off before I could elaborate I was making a joke. Things were awkward for the rest of the shift, and very quiet.
Lololol 10/10 would herpes again! | Made a joke about having herpes simplex type 1, the others didn't realize it was different than herpes herpes, all gave me pitiful looks and things got quiet. Boss came before I could explain, then shift ended... |
t3_3c96ej | relationships | SO [18f] and myself [18m] seem to be ending up in different cities for uni. We already barely get to meet because of sneaking around and no privacy because of country. Please help. | Hi. The title says pretty much everything. We're in a very conservative country where people are very intrusive and make others uncomfortable for doing "wrong".
The relationship itself is three months old, yet been a year in the making. We were already best friends when it happened, and have been through hell and back together.
Both of us do not consider breaking up an option as we plan on staying together a lot longer, however it is already very painful for us as we barely get to meet once a week. We don't want to imagine what five years apart would do. We've already been living as a long distance couple, but again, that's very annoying and painful for us. Please help us out. | Going to separate cities for uni, already living as if long distance, not working very well. No intentions of breaking up. |
t3_41het4 | relationships | I (25M) have a love sick-inducing crush on my coworker (23F) and can't tell if the feelings are returned. | First of all, I apologize for how freshman high school this sounds. I never thought I'd be 25 and posting this. Secondly, I have two weeks in at work, so I'm not looking to date a coworker and make things awkward at work.
My colleague (Beth) started working at my company about 3 weeks ago, shortly after I put in my notice to leave. I was immediately drawn to how unbelievably attractive I find her. We went out for drinks her second night working with us (company event) and we talked most of the night, just us two. Very fun, lively conversation. So many shared interests. I couldn't get her out of my head afterward, but the next week at work she barely acknowledged me past general pleasantries.
Last week we had another company outing. Once again, we kind of separated from the pack and talked all night. Towards the end of the night, she was touching my arm often, laughing at my stupid jokes, gave me a few compliments out of the blue, and told me a few times she wanted to take me out to some places I had never been. I couldn't tell if these offers were sincere or not, though.
Cue next day at work, again she barely acknowledges me past normal work conversation. I suspect she has zero interest in me, but I've never had a woman so thoroughly engage me in conversation, constantly touch me throughout it, suggest we make plans to do something, and then act so neutral the next day. I'd like to ask her out, but the reality of it is that she's beyond out of my league. Set me straight - am I over thinking someone just being nice in conversation? | coworker is very hot and luke-warm towards me, can't tell if she's just being friendly or if she's interested. |
t3_18ta34 | AskReddit | Advice on how to react before i do something brash | Im in the US air force and Im volunteering to do peoples taxes this year for VITA. We're supposed to do everyone's taxes in our unit if they need help. So i wrote a nice long professional email to everyone in our dorm(about 140 people.) Well one of my supposed best friends thought it would be funny to hit reply all and write "i would never let you do my taxes, you don't know how to do them and you can't even read." All 140 people in my dorm saw this. If i tell his supervisors i look like a bad friend and a douchebag but when i confronted him about it he didnt even apologise and instead laughed and said because he was a badass when asked why he did it. how should i react? | my friend makes me look like i didn't know what i was doing in an email to 140 people. how should i react |
t3_3zhcz8 | relationships | My (23 F) fiance (25 M) hates my mother. | My fiance and I have been together for 8.5 years. We have a 2.5 year old daughter together. Shortly after we had her my mother moved in with us. It wasn't a situation where she solely moved to help us, she lived with my sister who was being evicted from her apartment. Part of the arrangement, however, was that my mom would watch our daughter when I went back to work.
Ever since my mother moved in with us my fiance has been a complete asshole about her. I admit she does a lot of things that annoy me and lies a lot but I never thought it was serious enough to hate her. He's pretty reserved in front of her but the things he says when it's just us are what gets to me.
For example today is my moms birthday. It also happens to be his moms birthday who passed away a few years ago. During an argument we were having he so casually made the comment that my moms birthday doesn't matter to him and that he wouldn't really care if she died, he would just feel bad for me. This isn't the first time he's said this either. When I made a comment about how wrong it was he simply said she "did him dirty." All because of some comments she made in the past.
What bothers me most is that my mom has always been there for him even when his family wasn't. In his eyes he's made up for it by letting her move in with us and by us helping her with some things along the way.
I honestly love this man and want to have a future with him but I really can't see what kind of future we'll have if he keeps making these types of comments. I'm tired of feeling like he doesn't give a shit about my family. He never wants to talk about it and when he does he makes everything about himself. I don't know what to do anymore. | Fiance constantly makes rude comments about my mom. I'm sick of it but don't want to lose an 8.5 year relationship. |
t3_38mo1j | loseit | [Help]Lost 22lbs extremely fast. Is it unhealthy? | 18y Male. cw- 118kg/261lbs @ 190cm
So I lost 23lbs in 44days.. Is that bad? I'm pretty active, I walk about 13km on average per day, used to walk more but I decreased it a little bit since I'm hit the gym 5 times a week, I started to ride my bike to my gym and the trip is 14km both ways so 28km in total.
I don't feel unwell physically at all, I used to calorie count with a scale like a crazy person, In the first few months of my dieting I didn't eat enough so I started eating more. and In the past few months I stopped being the crazy calorie counting person and started to eat mindfully ( Usually with quick & dirty calorie counting and scaling some foods) So far so good.
But I lost 10kg/22lbs!! In 44 days which is quite worrisome since I don't know if its normal, I would say i'm quite tired around midday and usually take a nap, probably since I wake up at 6am everyday and hit the gym at noon. | Lost 10kg/22lbs in 44days, Imo i'm quite active, am i doing something wrong? |
t3_3is7t9 | relationships | Me [27F] need advice on setting boundaries with friend [29M] while I get back with boyfriend [26M] | Hi reddit thank you for helping!
A few weeks ago my boyfriend, Tom, and I split up. We had been fighting a lot and I ended up cheating on him with another guy. He found out and broke up with me. I deserved it and I don't defend what I did. But that's not the issue here, I say that just for context.
While we were arguing, there was this other guy I knew was interested in me, lets call him Aaron. I didn't do anything with him while Tom and I were together, but he was definitely interested and not afraid to show it, which is part of what Tom and I were arguing about.
After Tom and me broke up, I ended up meeting up with, and sleeping with Aaron. But it didn't feel right, so I broke things off with him but we stayed friends. He was a lot of help when I was trying to get over Tom and I do really value him as a friend.
Now Tom has come back into my life. He says that he has been miserable without me and he wants me back. He knows that I slept with Aaron and he knows it happened while we were broken up, but because Aaron was always trying to get with me while Tom and I were still together, Tom doesn't want him hanging around this time. Tom says that if we want to give things another go, I will need to cut Aaron off.
Also I need to mention: Aaron definitely still has very strong feelings for me. I've told him many times that we're not going to be together and just want to be friends, but he still has feelings for me, and I think he might be in love with me. We were making plans to meet up (we live some distance apart) in a few weeks. Tom isn't happy about that.
But I really do value Aaron as just a friend. Is Tom being unreasonable? I really really love Tom and really want to give things another try with him, and I really don't have feelings for Aaron, but I want to stay friends with him and keep spending time with him. Is that unfair? What would be a fair compromise here? | Boyfriend and me thinking of getting back together, friend of mine has strong feelings for me and I slept with him once, boyfriend doesn't want him around even though I just want him as a friend now. What to do? |
t3_1nrgw0 | relationship_advice | I'm [21/f] & my boyfriend [25/m] have been together for nearly 5 years. How can I tell the different between falling out of love and losing the spark? | We were best friends for a few years before we finally started dating. Even in the early stages of our relationship, I only saw him at most 3 times a week. With the exception of bi-annual weekend getaways, we've never spent the night at eachother's places (it's not weird to us, so don't worry about that part). We still do not live together and do not plan to.
In the last year and a bit, our schedules have completely gone out of sync with work, school, and other life happenings. Our sex life is incredibly dull and I have to put in a lot of effort to get things going. We rarely talk anymore, he doesn't seem to care as much about what's going on with me..and I sometimes feel as though it's the same for me. I don't find myself thinking about him/missing him like I used to. Rather, sometimes it feels like I'm just missing having a boyfriend around. | what are some other clues to figure out when a relationship is worth saving/reigniting the spark.. and when is the relationship past its prime/time to let go? |
t3_4rj8r2 | relationships | My(F,31) fiance(M,41) wants to go on vacation with our son(M,2) without me | Hello everybody.
I honestly don't know if I am overreacting here or maybe my concerns are justified. Last year, my fiance,our son and I were on vacation in Finland for 3 weeks. It was horrible, we stayed at parents in law summer "house", which is just a shack, no electricity, no water, no toilet, no possibility to cook other than a grill... it was a camping trip and I hadn't been warned. Also the weather was horrible, the mosquitoes were eating me alive and every day we had to visit some of fiances relatives, parading our then one year old kid around like a circus horse.
Now this year he wants to go again, spending hundreds of €s for the trip, and 3 weeks of his time, although we should be renovating our house and build a nursery for our second child, which is due in November. I told him I wasn't coming with again as I really didn't like it, but for my fiance it's his dearest childhood memories, his extended family and the place where he truly feels at home. So he wants to go without me and take our son along, because who doesn't want to sit in a car for 3 days with a whiny 2 year old in the backseat and without another adult around? And that's just one way. Also, I'm pregnant and don't have a car, what if something happens? And our sons birthday is in that time, I will miss his second birthday. And I was never away from my kid for more than 12 hours, how could I survive 3 weeks? I'm all around uncomfortable with this whole situation but fiance is dead set on going. Any ideas, advice, opinions? Thank you. | Fiance wants to take son to Finland for 3 weeks and leave me home alone, don't think it's a good idea. |
t3_17ldec | relationships | I, (30m) had sex with my friends (35m) wife (33f) while he watched and while my wife (29f) was upstairs sleeping. | I have to get this off my chest. On Saturday my wife and I had some friends at our house for a meal. We had dinner and had a few drinks and my wife went to bed early. My wife and I haven't been very intimate in several months. I am however extremely sexual. We've been together 10 years and we've been friends with this couple for 7 years.
The drinks were still flowing with us three and when my friends wife went to get more drinks he asked me if I'd be up for some "fun" with her. Long story short, this was pre planned between them.
She came back in the room with no panties on, he excused himself to get something. She started flashing me and then asked me to come and kiss her. I kissed her and before I knew it she was giving me oral.
He came back in the room and watched for a while and joined in with her. He then asked me to "fuck her while he watched". Which I did. We continued in various positions and I finished doing her from behind while she gave him oral and I came on her back.
I went to bed soon after and felt sick to my stomach. I've felt guilty since and keep trying to ease my conscience by telling myself I'm a man, I have needs and my wife isn't giving me what I need, but I feel extremely bad. How should I handle this. Should I tell her and lose everything or should I keep quiet and never do it again. (They asked me if I would) I'm 30, my friend is 35, his wife is 33 and my wife is 29. | Had full sex with my best friends wife while he watched and my wife slept upstairs unaware. Now I feel guilty as hell. |
t3_22jnav | relationships | My girlfriend [22F] of 4 years says her feelings for me [23M] have changed over the past few months and she doesn't think she loves me any more. | My girlfriend and I have been together for ~4 years. We met freshman year of college and have been dating ever since. After undergrad, we went to the same graduate school. We moved in together in August, and although there was a bit of a learning curve to living together, I thought we were doing really well. Not sure if its relevant, but we moved across the country for grad school, so we don't have any good friends/family and we've relied pretty heavily on each other for emotional support.
A few months ago I started noticing that she was sometimes sad for no reason and would not tell me why. I assumed that she was missing her friends/family so I planned some day trips for us to take together, encouraged her to try and meet more people (go to parties, etc.), surprised her with flowers, etc. During this time, we also started having sex less and less.
A couple weeks ago we had a much more honest conversation and she told me that her feelings for me have changed and she's not sure if she loves me any more. She still cares for me, but she sees me as a friend, not a boyfriend. She said her feelings started changing in February and she doesn't know why. There's no specific event that caused the change. In the mean time I have been trying my hardest to make her happy and do things for her, but I can tell that she doesn't see me the same way she used to. It seems that she wants to be in love with me, but she just is not.
Any advice guys? This was the girl that I thought I would be spending the rest of my life with and its ripping me apart that she's drifting away. It seems like there is nothing I can do. I'm just watching my relationship fall apart in slow motion. I'm willing to try anything to go back to way things were, but I just don't know what to do. | Girlfriend of 4 years says her feelings have changed and she doesn't love me anymore. She just sees me as a friend. |
t3_4y4elc | relationships | Ex [26F] contacting me [23M] through social media. | So basically my ex and I dated for a little over two years. She pretty much broke up with me although I agreed things weren't working. I moved across the country and we talked a little bit and remained friends somewhat. One day she messaged me saying she heard I was coming back to visit and that it might not be a good idea. I asked why and she told me I wouldn't want to see her because she's dating someone else. I basically told her I didn't really care and that I was visiting for pure business reasons only. After that I told her I didn't really want to be friends, wished her the best, and blocked her on all my social media websites before she could respond. A day after that I got a message on Instagram saying that she is getting around to watching a show I suggested and she wished me luck. I didn't respond and blocked her on Instagram. Ten days later after zero contact I get a message from her on my Pinterest business account saying only "I hope you're doing really good." My question is why is she still trying to contact me? Shouldn't she be taking to the new guy she is dating? | Ex is messaging me even after blocking her and not responding on multiple social networks after she told me she started dating. Why? |
t3_3hv0uz | relationships | Me [23/F] with my boyfriend[26/M] of 3 years are very much in love. However, is it ever ok to leave someone you love? | My boyfriend and I have been dating for years. We are the best of friends and love each other very much. However he battles with depression, anxiety and ADHD. This combination makes it very hard for him to do well in school or find a successful job. He has not completed his bachelor's degree and has a minimum wage job.
I have my degree and am doing pretty well professionally. For most of our relationship I have been supporting him in his struggle to succeed professionally. (not financially but emotionally) So far I think he is getting a real handle on his depression and anxiety. However, He still has no idea what he wants to do in his life and seems unable to figure it out. He is exploring a career in IT but doesn't seem very interested in it. Everything having to do with his professional life seems like a chore. It is getting more and more difficult for me to be his external motivation. However, I would like to get married soon and I need a partner that can provide security and that can add to the comfortable life I would like to live.
Everything else in our relationship is ideal. We love each other, we are best friends, we have amazing sex, we love each other's friends and family, we truly are soul mates. In this area of his life I need him to get better. I am beginning to think that giving him space to find himself, without having to consider me may be what he needs to find his purpose and path. I am in grad school which makes the job search for him local. It may make sense for him to move. To explore. I've thought about a long distance relationship but I don't think he would consider just letting go of things at home both physically and emotionally to find himself if I am around. I guess my question is, is it reasonable to break up with someone so that they can grow? My hope is that he grows in this area of his life and that we can then be together. | I am in a very loving relationship but I feel that my partner's professional growth is stunted. This is not good for our relationship and I wonder if it is ok to break up with someone you love to encourage their growth. |
t3_2p59hg | relationships | Me [21F] with my bf [24M] of 4 months. Feeling a bit insecure because of our past. Should I bring it up? | I'm going to try and keep this short. My bf and I are doing pretty well. We always have a great time and I like him and he tells me he likes me too. We've only been "officially" been together for 4 months, but we've been kind of on and off for 1.5 years.
I found that I'm becoming sensitive and insecure about our relationship. For example, I'm always afraid he doesn't really want to hang out with me. Or he's saying things just so I don't get mad or sad. Or he's is finding me annoying when in reality, I know I'm not doing anything terribly wrong. I realized that the reason why I've been feeling insecure is because of our past. We've been on and off because for a while we were first friends with benefits where I felt like I was being used. Then we were dating but not really dating, glorified friends with benefits as my friends called it. Then we were on a break before we finally got together.
Should I tell him that I've been feeling insecure because of what he did to me in the past? Or should I just work on it myself that there's a reason why he's with me? I'm trying to become less sensitive and I feel like I've been doing a pretty good job but it still bothers me. | Boyfriend and I had a not so great past together and now I'm insecure that he doesn't really want to be with me. Should I tell him how I feel? |
t3_2u76d1 | relationships | I [25 M] just found out the girl I was seeing [25F] has also been seeing a close friend of mine. I can't confront her and it's killing me. | I met this girl in October, a month after I got out of a two year relationship. We really hit it off, she was funny, smart and gorgeous. We met at an event that is part of a social club I'm part of which meets weekly to practice for an event coming up this Saturday. We wen't on about 5-6 dates from October until December, mostly because she claimed she was really busy or it would have been more.
Well, it turns out she was also dating one of my close friends the entire time. Because of the nature of the group, dating during the season is discouraged so we agreed to keep us secret, and apparently she said the same to him. The only reason I know about her actions is that the other guy and I both told a friend that we were seeing her. Now I have to act like everything is normal until after the event, which is tearing me apart. If I confront her, she might just leave the event, leaving my group in a really tough situation, since no one could replace her. I've known about her since last Saturday, and I've tried to keep contact to a minimum but this is really rough. | Girl dates me and a close friend at the same time, I can't confront her because she might screw up a big event I'm part of |
t3_fh7hs | AskReddit | Ladies of Reddit, I need your help/advice about Valentines Day. | Dear Redditors,
Today I was working on editing a commercial at my TV station that was a Valentines day theme. It got me thinking about Valentines Day and what it really is/means. I have been without a "Valentines" for more than 3 years and it never has bothered me, in fact I never really celebrated Valentines before.
Anyways, it got me thinking and I thought about how it might be nice to actually try to do something nice/romantic for this girl that I have been crushing hardcore on for quite some time.. We have been friends for close to a year and our relationship has been pretty casual/friend zone. She lives 45 mins away so I don't really see her much anyways.
We hung some this weekend and I think she might have a slight idea that I am into her but i'm just not sure. I also am not sure how she really feels about me romantically I just know that we click.
I was thinking about sending her flowers as a Secret Admirer to her on Valentines day...
My question is, is this a bad/cheesy/lame idea? If you ladies were to receive flowers from a secret admirer would you like it, or would it piss you off that you didn't know who it was... I want her to know someone cares a lot about her, but I'm not sure I want her to know its from me for sake of making things awkward if she wasn't into me.
My thinking was that if she got flowers she'd love it, if she didn't know who it was she would try to find out, thus ask the people she thinks might like them... So if she asked me I would then say yes. I'm not sure on this one, I would like to get a female point of view. Thanks! | Is it lame to send the person you have a huge crush on flowers on valentines day as a "Secret Admirer?" |
t3_3e3q3v | relationships | Me [19F] with my ex-bf [20 M] dated for 3.5 yrs, attempting to work things out now but I feel we just hit a wall and I'm not sure if I am being unrealistic. | Background info: dated for 3.5 years, we attend the same college and my freshman year a lot happened and he ended up breaking up with me in March. We went NC for two months and in that time we both had brief feelings for other people, I hooked up with the guy I met (we can call him Dave), ex (Allen) did nothing physical but admitted attraction/feelings were there for the girl (Dawn) but she did not reciprocate, he did hook up with someone else though, in case that is relevant.
We started speaking again around May, sorting through our problems, taking things very slow, and realizing a lot of what went wrong the last time around. We have also both agreed to be fully committed to each other again, even though we aren't "officially" back together.
As a reference, I went NC with Dave (who was Allen's close friend - yes i know I fucked up) on my own before starting to talk to Allen, its a whole story in itself. Allen talked to Dawn about his feelings, she did not reciprocate so they remained friends.
Not getting into too much detail, a lot of my trust was broken towards Allen before and at the end of our relationship. It has been extremely difficult trying to build that back up but we have been working on it.
Today we got into an argument which boiled down to me being upset that he can still be friends with Dawn and anyone else he hooked up with etc while I always have to cut ties. He is still friends with Dawn and blatantly said "I am not going to cut her off just because I had feelings for her at one point" even though he knows it upsets me.
My question is, am I wrong for being upset about this? Is it not as one-sided as I am seeing it to be, and is it wrong of me to ask him not to talk to Dawn anymore?
Also, apologies if this is scattered and ranty. | (sort of) ex BF thinks he can be friends with someone he had feelings for, but I can't do the same. |
t3_2kjawz | relationships | Me [21 F] with my 2 exes [both 21 M], wondering if I should go no-contact... | I have two ex-boyfriends. Let's call them Joe and Tom. They were both fairly long-term, and I'm on friendly terms with them both. But I'm wondering if that's not such a good idea?
Joe was my first. Mildly emotionally abusive. Horrible breakup. It's been two years since then, and after a lot of waiting for things to cool down and talking, we've reconciled. A big reason I worked so hard to reconcile with him despite how he treated me is that he cut me off from all of our mutual friends when we broke up, and I wanted to be able to see them again too. We get along fine now, but I still sometimes feel a bit of resentment resurfacing. I'm also sort of worried for his current girlfriend, and I just hope he's not treating her the way he treated me.
As for Tom, the situation is a little different. We only broke up about five months ago, but the breakup was amicable. We've remained friends, but it's really awkward/uncomfortable talking to him now, because his life has gotten worse since we broke up, and my life has gotten much better. I feel like I'm still the only person in his life that really listens to him.
With both of these guys, I feel like they're a bit of an emotional drain to keep in my life... but after so much effort to regain/remain friends, it would be really out of the blue and potentially drama causing for me to suddenly go no-contact. Also, they both attend the same college as I do, so I can't really completely avoid seeing them. I'll be done after this year though, and I'll have a really easy excuse to leave them behind.
I guess my question is, do I go no-contact *now*, or do I wait for the year to end so that I can phase them out of my life more naturally and less directly? | Two emotionally draining exes in my life. Do I go no-contact now or wait it out til the end of the school year? |
t3_38qzpf | relationships | Me [21/M] and my girlfriend [21/F] of about 2 years, are going to graduate soon and I'm suspicious our future plans are not going to work together. Do I need to end it now if that's the case? | I used a throwaway so I can share more personal details. She's from New England, I'm from the Carolinas, and we go to college in Washington DC. We've been together for about 2 years.
So she keeps dropping hints about wanting to go to grad school in Boston, wanting to live in Boston, all these subtle hints and clues about her intention to return to New England, a place where she knows A.) I will never live, and B.) I would not be able to pursue my career.
Now, this is pissing me off. We have had talks about the future before; this is a long term thing and she knows that. I have no intention of returning to the Carolinas, and she knows that too. I have some great career opportunities lined up in DC for when I do graduate, and we both really like living in DC.
She knows I'm not going to grad school straight out, and that I am going to pursue this and I want to continue our relationship. Now, if she gets into like Harvard grad school or something, obviously a long distance relationship for 2 years would be in order. Wouldn't mind that.
My concern is that this whole Boston thing has to do with more than just there being good schools there. There's tons of good schools in DC, where she KNOWS I'm gonna stay.
I guess my question is, when I finally get the balls to ask her straight up her plan, if she responds that she was planning on moving back up to New England for her adult life, I'll have to break up with her, right? So it makes sense to bring this up ASAP and prevent myself from getting hurt even worse. Right? Ugh, this is such a mess. And on the surface, our relationship is perfect. But if it can't work long term, what's the point of wasting my time? This is gonna be so hard, I can already tell.
Thoughts, suggestions? I'd really appreciate it. Thanks so much. | I need to ask my girlfriend about her long term life plans to determine if this is worth my time. Which sucks because our relationship makes me insanely happy. I don't know how to do this without getting crushed |
t3_gayre | relationships | Friends' sister continues to text me but folks discourage her having boyfriends. Need help responding... | I'm a 20 y/o guy in college with the occasionally difficult job of turning knobs and sliding faders on a soundboard for a church I go to. I've been working with it for about five years with two brothers (two different times though; the older, who's my age, went to the Marines; the younger about 14). I've noticed their sister, who's 17, always noticed me and would usually do small things and we'd have a bit of small talk here and there.
One day about a year ago, we were having a pretty lengthy chat and I decided for some reason to text her. I didn't think I was opening Pandora's Box just by texting her(never been the biggest fan; I'm more of a talker) but I thought it'd be better than having a long conversation on Facebook. I later realized the hard way that she liked to text a lot and not at the best of times.
I later found out through my folks that her parents don't really want her to have a serious relationship with any guys, almost to the point where it seems like any communication outside of school is off-limits. It didn't help my conscience that most of her texting times were deep into the night (like a bit before midnight). The problem is I seriously feel like that pressure's going to come where she's going to push for a little more than just the occasional text and chat, and I'm in a crappy position to deal with it without anything concrete to base it on. I know she's had boyfriends before. To be totally honest, I do want to start something with her, but her age, parents, and a tiny bit of immaturity kinda get in the way.
I don't want to tread over toes, but she still texts me and I just leave them there because I'm not sure what to say. It's not what I want to do, but I feel like I'm in a catch-22. So, what should I do to keep this platonic? Should I just break it to her that I don't want people convinced we're dating? I feel like a jerk not responding to anything. | Girl interested in me looks like she's ignoring parent's rules by texting/talking to me. Wondering what should I do to stop looking like a dick. |
t3_189i9d | dating_advice | Cystic bleeding acne is it still possible for someone to find me attractive? (18M) | I have ....extreme cystic acne. It bleeds. A lot. I was generally well like in high school but I've never been on a date so I think this might be the cause.
My cystic acne bleeds and makes me look like a zombie. Literally. If I stand around long enough I'll have a pool of blood collect around my feet from the acne growing and then popping and then bleeding. The back of my shirt gets soaked in blood so that it sticks to my back. Sometimes I can't see because of it I always have the taste of blood in my mouth..
My question is is it still possible with this for a woman to find me attractive even with this? Also I would like to point out I've been to multiple universities and around 80ish dermatologists since I was about 6 (when I first started bleeding profusely and we didn't know what it was) and testing places to find a cure and nothing has worked other then the confirmation from most of the doctors that it won't go away. So ...Yeah do I still have a chance? | Cystic acne causing blood everywhere since 6, no cure, is it possible I can find someone who will find me attractive? |
t3_50v1h5 | relationships | (positive) Reddit, whats the best way for me (23/f) to tell my family (mixed) that my boss made me partner and now co own a company?! | So Im super excited! Ive worker really hard at this job coming in early, staying late, using my own time and money to make this a good place for employees amd clients. Im the youngest and least experienced one here but I sure give it my all.
My boss called me in for a meeting last week and I was sick with nervousness. Only she said my numbers were awesome and I worked hard and she wanted to bring me on as partner! I got a big raise and Im getting my own huge office and I get to decorate it off the business tab and my new training starts right away and its all iust so exciting!
I cant wait to tell my family tonight at weekly dinner, but Im not sure how. Hey mom hows the potatoes? oh by the way "boss" made me co owner of the company this week... I mean that doesnt sound very cool
And then Im not sure if they'll understand how huge this is to me. They always talk about my siblings and their schoolings and how smart and cool they all are teaching and engineering and traveling cuz they all went to college and I just apprenticed. For once I did something super cool that no one else could. I wanna tell everyone and do it right. | I have cool and exciting news but Im bad at social interaction and am insure how to break it in a way that makes it sound cool and exciting. how do you guys do it? |
t3_3eul6u | tifu | Tifu by being an unfunny asshole. | So for a while I've had a crush on this girl, and I told one of my best friends. This friend told tgis girl and we since jave had great conversations. During some of our conversations she made several comments about how she was dating my friend. At the time I thought that these comments were jokes, seeing as she was a jokester and my friend is the one who had me start talking to this girl. Fast forward to one hour ago, girl says something about friend calling someone else "bae" at the time I thought it would be hilarious to say they already had a girlfriend. Turns out that they actually were dating and now the girl thinks my friend cheated on her. I have spent the last hour trying aimlessly to peice this back together, but I feel like the biggest asshole on the planet for potentially ruining a great relationship. | told girl that my friend had a girlfriend as a joke, turns out girl was dating friend and I'm an asshole. |
t3_v7k04 | relationships | Are we done? | I'm a guy(26), she's a girl (24). We've been seeing each for about half a year. Things were pretty good for most of that time. We never had "a talk" where we established exclusivity, but we both met each others parents, and we were hanging out at least once a week for the last 4 months. I'd met most of her close friends, and by and large I'd certainly become used to the idea of us officially "dating."
Anyway, the last 3 weeks we haven't seen each other once. She became slower to respond to texts, and was always busy with something or "asleep" if I suggested meeting up or talking on the phone. She never suggested meeting up herself during this time. I've not texted more than once without a response, and she always did respond to the texts I sent, though usually several hours later or the next day, and to say she was busy.
Are we done? Is she responding out of politeness and fear of drama? Should I accept that if she hasn't made time for me in 3 weeks it's done, or would she simply stop responding at all if she felt our relationship was over? | Girl I've been with for 6 months still responds to texts, but makes transparent excuses not to see me for 3 weeks. Is she breaking up via avoidance, or am I being clingy? |
t3_1ywbic | relationships | She [26/F] is moving on from our LDR, just as I [29/M] am coming home. This gets better, right? | Throwaway because she frequents reddit.
I'd been in a LDR with the girl of my dreams for a few years. I've been in Europe for the last five years, while she is in the US. It was great at first. She was completing grad school and I was climbing corporate ladders. But last fall I broke it off.
At the time it made perfect sense. We were both so driven in our career choices that neither was going to move to be with the other for at least a couple more years. I love her enough that I want her to find real happiness with someone who could truly be there for her, instead of having to text a bf half a world away. Hence me breaking it off. We remained in near constant communication after the break up. She is/was my best friend after all. But over time our communication became less frequent, which I accepted as part of breaking up. But at least she was still in my life.
A few days ago she told me she has been seeing someone. I was honest and told her that it hurt a little to hear that but I also told her I was happy for her. But now I'm a wreck. I absolutely want her to be happy, but this hurts so much.
Over the last few months I've realized how much I need her in my life, so I've been making plans to move 'home' in order to start to start over with her. Date her again but this time face to face instead of LDR. I've been looking since November. I landed a job two weeks ago and signed a lease on apt last week. I had planned to surprise her in a few weeks.
But now I feel like that will absolutely look like a total desperation move if I told her. And I was the one who broke it off, so how can I be upset about this situation? I'm still going to move home because I've already put in my notice and all the wheels are already in motion but it feels so empty now. Will this get better because right now I'm a wreck? Is the best course of action to cut communication, hit gym, and work on moving on? | I broke it off with her due to LDR, now she is dating someone just as I'm about to move home. Now Im really struggling. |
t3_4hnw9s | tifu | TIFU by taking food coloring to school | Here's the obligatory "this didn't happen today". It happened back in middle school. I was nine or ten.
Now let's get to the story. It was the morning and I was ready to go to school. I was bored and decided to do something while I waited for my bus. So I took food coloring out of my kitchen and messed around with it. As I was playing around with the food coloring, my mom came downstairs and I hid the food coloring in my pockets. She told me the bus was here and I went to school. So now I'm in gym class and I'm just running around playing with my friends. Suddenly, we hear the coach's whistle blow. He yells and tells us all to stop moving. We all freeze. He then asks if we've seen anybody hurt or injured. He tells us that there's blood all over the gym floor and that somebody might be seriously hurt. He asks again if we've seen anybody hurt. Somebody near me saw that my pants were really red around my pocket and told the coach that I was bleeding. So the coach walks over to me and sees a bunch of red seeping through my pocket. He asks me if I'm hurt and I say no. Then I remember that I was playing with food coloring earlier. I take the food coloring out of my pocket and realize that the cap wasn't fully closed. The coach looks at me and tells me that I'm in big trouble. After that, all the kids went outside and I had to help the custodians clean the gym floor. My mom was called and I was sent home. I got a whoopin from her that I still remember to this very day. | Accidentally brought food coloring to school. It leaked all over the gym floor. Had to help clean it up and got a whoopin when I was sent home. |
t3_2snbnt | relationships | Girlfriend [22/f] is giving me [23/m] some hard time, what to think of it? | Well,
I met this beautiful girl, 22, studying abroad. We have been dating for two weeks constantly. She says it will not work because of long distance; We're supposedly considering some options like an open relationship or leaving it all as she leaves.
Not that I with my full heart believe but she says she only had sex with her former long-distance boyfriend. We are probably going to hook it up, maybe the last day but it's habbening!
Now, today she was to hang out with a friend of hers in a concert ending the night sleeping at friends place. She was about to invite me but said it was girls time. Well, the thing that gets me down is that her friend is going to travel with her, to stay with her in NY for a week or two, unlike me. She doesn't even stay after midnight when she is with me. I asked her if she was to hook up with someone, maybe so should I and she said do not be paranoid. I also showed her some woman I know from back then, asking to hook-up, to let her know for she asked not to lie. Now the concert is at 10pm and her phone went off at 7pm and then powered it up again.
She is the most beautiful to have as a nice memory to think of in your late sixties and I do not really want to screw this up so, I bought beer, got my harmonica and waiting for what would you say? I need some advice /r/. I'm thinking maybe I should just cut it all off and see my way. | would be girlfriend giving hard time, how to react in such a way to chill myself and not to destroy it all? |
t3_1j624m | relationships | I [F23] think I'm terrified of commitment or even getting to close to anyone in a romantic way | The relationships I've had in the past came around because I dated a guy who was a friend and he got super clingy real fast and instead of breaking it off and hurting his feelings I just went with it and we became bf and gf but I was never comfortable or happy.
Now I'm scared to try anything with anyone because I don't know how to react. When I go on dates I've found that I've begun to act like a bitch because I'm afraid of anyone getting close and me not being able to get away from them. I stopped asking people out 'cus I couldn't handle roping them in then felling guilty if I didn't want to see them any longer. It's at the point where I don't even try anymore and the thought of flirting makes me uncomfortable.
I don't have a lot of experience with dating (I didn't start till college) and I wish I could date without feeling obliged to have a relationship with them, or breakup without feeling awful. I don't really know what to do... | Gets roped into relationships too easily with people I don't really have feelings for, now has stopped dating and flirting altogether for fear of it happening again. |
t3_22za1n | relationships | How can I ask my boyfriend how he feels about getting married? [24F, 32M] | I've been dating my boyfriend for about a year in total, 8 months seriously. He is awesome and treats me so well.
However, I can't gauge how he feels about marriage. I don't want to date somebody for a long time if it isn't going to go anywhere. I'd like to eventually get married, and I'd like to know if he's even open to the idea before taking the relationship further. I just don't know how to ask without seeming like I'm actually thinking about marriage NOW! We've only been dating for a short time and I wouldn't want to get married for a whiiiile, but I do at some point if I've been with my significant other long enough.
When we were casually dating, he said he was indifferent to marriage and kids and would be fine with whatever direction his life took.
However, his friends all got married really young and a lot of them are unhappy or divorcing. He lends them an ear when they are upset and put one of his friends up on the couch while he and his wife were separated. He'll often harp on marriage by citing his friends situations. I get the feeling he isn't too keen on the idea. Some of his friends do have really happy marriages but they aren't the ones complaining to him!
He'll also make random comments that suggest he is indifferent towards it. For example, our friend just proposed to his girlfriend but she is refusing to sign a pre-nup. He says "If I get married, I'm going to need a pre-nup!". So maybe he is really indifferent.
Things are going really well but I know that getting really invested in a guy who will NEVER want to marry will be unfulfilling. I don't expect him to know if he'll want to marry me in the future, just that he hasn't completely written off the idea of marriage. Not even about our relationship, because it's so new, but just in general. | Can't tell how my boyfriend feels about marriage, but I am scared to ask because I don't want him to think I'm planning our wedding. |
t3_50dnm3 | relationships | My Friend [27F] is worried that I'm [26F] going to leave her behind and we're not going to spend so much time together anymore. | We've been friends for about 2 years and we've went through periods of only having catch ups every so often and then periods where we saw each other once or twice a week.
I've just started back at college and have a timetable that is hard to work around not to mention that it's an extremely demanding course. She's worried that we're not going to see each other for weeks and is going to get left behind. Thing is I'll make sure I'll find time to see her at some point and try to compromise but it doesn't seem to be enough for her.
I feel like life happens, we are adults and we have to go to work or go and get our education which means that sometimes our social life gets put on hold or we have to work around it and she's not understanding that. Does anyone have any advice on how to handle this or been in a similar situation? | Since starting college my friend is concerned of being left behind and we'll not see each other as often. Don't want the friendship to be over, how do I handle this? |
t3_3w27u5 | tifu | TIFU By Not Finishing My Sentence | This happened Friday
So, in Pre-AP we had an Athens-Sparta debate (GO SPARTA), and during the debate, the Athenians said that "making technology for war causes more war" so I respond by saying "Really? Ever since WW2, there have been no wars -- (I get cut off here) The class is now flipping shit, calling me retarded, autistic, and stupid. The teacher tries to now explain to me how there have been multiple wars since WW2. I know this. I'm not a dumbfuck. I was trying to say there had been no wars using nuclear weapons since WW2. I know this quite well. My family has fought in every single one of those wars. But seriously? Why not let me finish my fucking sentence?
So after she lets me finish, half of my class tells me to leave, the other half to go back to Athens, and then the teacher is still calling me stupid. | Teacher cuts me off while I'm talking about how no nukes have been used past World War 2, class flips shit and now hates me. |
t3_3h82l8 | relationships | Me [20F] and an ex [20 M] pressured me into doing things I was not comfortable with a few days after we broke up, and I'm still haunted. | It's been over a year since this has happened, and I still am too chicken to even type all that happened here. Let's just say I was madly in love, but his mother gave him an ultimatum: Break up with me and keep his free ride through college (family paid for is) or stay with me and have to go thousands of dollars in debt.
He chose to leave. A part of me doesn't blame him because that's a hard decision. The part that I can't get over is that right after we broke up, he still wanted to have fun with me... and anyone else he pleased.
A few days after being constantly pressured by "if you still love me you'll do this" or "I'll only do stuff with you if you do this" that I eventually gave in. As soon as I do, I hated myself and him for it, and was left as a shell of a person. I've tried talking to people, but I still haven't ever told anyone what really all happened. Just that he had hurt me bad. My question is, since I was pressured into it, does this count as rape or all this my fault because I eventually said yes? | Ex-boyfriend eventuallly pressured me into saying yes to do things I didn't want to do. Is this rape or no because I said yes? |
t3_2gh9oa | relationships | Me [20 M] with my ex-girlfriend [20 F] of two+ years broke up about 6 months ago and I'm still having trouble with it. | My ex-girlfriend and I dated all throughout our junior/senior years of high school and a few months into college. We were long distance but it definitely wasn't anything unmanageable (I could see ever week or so). We ended up breaking up because our workload started becoming too much for us to keep up with each other as much as we needed. Ever since then I feel like my feelings for her haven't changed at all but it seems like she's forgotten completely about me. She is an engineering major at a very difficult technologic university in MA, so it makes sense that she is busy, but I'm having trouble moving on. | My girlfriend and I broke up about 6 months ago because of school/other obligations (longish distance) and now it seems like she's forgotten about me. I love her, how can I move on? |
t3_234uo8 | loseit | I want to lose weight healthily for the first time | Hi everyone!
I'm posting here as opposed to the Day 1 Thread because my newest journey into weight loss scares the crap out of me. I've lost weight before and nearly died twice due to anorexia nervosa. The anorexia started when I started wanting to lose a bit of weight and snowballed until my heart stopped working and was unable to make myself eat at all.
I don't know how to lose weight in a healthy way. I don't want to become the monster that I was back when I was sick in my late teens, but I know that I am unhappy with myself and unhealthy.
That being said, I took a look at the FAQ and all these diets and exercise regiments are making my head spin. I don't want to **diet**, because that implies a start time and a *stop* time, I want to have a **permanent** change in the way I eat and exercise. I am also pretty financially limited being a student with PTSD who can't work.
Here's what I know:
* I don't know where to start the change
* I will start biking (when it's not ice raining outside)
* I don't know what healthy eating looks like anymore
I don't really know where to start. Any help at all would help because I'm kind of at a loss for what to do? Should I just keep counting calories? | Broke, former anorexic needing to lose weight, but I don't know what healthy eating looks like or how to start. |
t3_2pnepc | relationships | I'm(22/F) disappointed and unhappy that I got a lower grade than my best friend(20/F). | I have been getting really amazing grades at university and my best friend is enrolled into all the same classes since we both love what we are majoring in. Finals have just finished and I screamed and jumped around because of my grades. Everyone is really proud of me. Yet, I feel not happy that my best friend got almost perfect scores. Nothing's wrong with my grades, so what is this unhappy feeling and wanting to get perfect scores next semester? maybe I'm jealous, but why am I on such an unhealthy level? I just want to be happy with what I have... | Got awesome grades, best friend got even better grades. Why am I not happy with my grades and how can I fix that? |
t3_3ver4o | relationships | My (24) girlfriend (26) wants to prove she can resist my sexual charms? And won't let it rest. What now? | My girlfriend of 8 months and I have had what I thought was a good relationship. I recently told her one night (we were having the how many people have you slept with talk), in very vague terms how many women I'd been with. It was a much larger number than hers. Initially she would jokingly call me man whore, which I did not like so she stopped.
Now she is on this project to "resist" my charms. She says its to prove "it" to herself. I told her how much I don't like this idea and that it is not helping the relationship, but she is really set on it. Now I know of course she can resist my charms! This is so ridiculous.
We haven't had sex in over a week. I've been patient but being intimate is important to me. Do I wait it out? Loose my temper? Let her make me slowly hate her? What. | told my girlfriend I used to be a player, now she wants to prove she can resist me by not having sex. |
t3_399qk3 | relationships | Me [15 M] and my [15 F] girlfriend have been dating for four months, and i don't feel appreciated. | Sorry for the silly teenage drama but I would like some help.
Before I start, I would like to say that I'm a pretty realistic person, but I'm also rather insecure and have been facing depression for the past couple years. My girlfriend is also a little shy but is **MUCH** more extroverted than I am.
So me and my girlfriend have been dating for a couple months, but a problem with my end of the relationship has been arising. I don't feel like I'm appreciated and that my girlfriend doesn't feel glad to be with me.
In our relationship, we have developed at a normal pace. We have similar interests while not being parallel to eachother's, and we have a fairly stable amount of intimacy. However, recently I've begun to put the pieces together in my mind and I feel like she doesn't appreciate me that much.
It feels like even to me that my insecurities are talking, but it's pretty degrading to feel like im in a relationship where I care about her and she doesn't care about me.
The reason(s) why I am writing this now is because just earlier today, my girlfriend told me she can't hang out with me this afternoon (she needs to do studying for tomorrow) after agreeing she would earlier, and as we were heading home (we take the same train home) she saw her friends and joined them to go shopping. I'm also writing this because I don't hang out with her one on one much, as she isn't free most of the time on the weekends and on friday.
I want to state again that I feel like this is a problem that is developing in my head and I may be overthinking it because this is a highschool relationship, but I still can't help but be disappointed and frustrated with how things are going. I'm fully ready to work through the problem to keep dating my girlfriend because she as a person is someone i like very much.
So am I being clingy or overthinking this? | I don't feel like me and my girlfriend hang out enough and ultimately from this I feel under-appreciated. |
t3_1e0m3u | AskReddit | LGBTQ people of Reddit - from your experience, do you think sexuality be genuinely classically conditioned? | I just had a conversation with my girlfriend about the effect the environment may have on someone pertaining to their sexuality. I was under the impression that your sexuality came entirely from your genes and that you were born a certain way, therefore there is no real choice to be gay or straight or whatever. I know that for many, because of societal expectations, they do not realize what they are for many years, and for many it can be a difficult and painful journey. But regardless, if you think you are, for example, straight until you're 17 then realize you're gay, that doesn't mean that for the first 17 years of your life you were actually straight, you just hadn't realized yet that your were gay.
Now, my girlfriend claims that, in some cases, people are classically conditioned to be a different sexuality. She took a course on human sexuality in which they learned of a man who was showed a picture of an attractive woman immediately followed by one of a boot, to the point that the man became aroused. Eventually, he developed a fetish for boots. This fetish could, potentially, evolve to be a genuine sexual desire for boots (please don't think I'm comparing gay people to boots). Similarly, if someone who identifies as gay is shown, for example, a picture of an attractive woman immediately followed by a picture of an attractive man. Would that person eventually develop a genuine sexual desire for a man? So, do you think there is a case in which someone can identify as straight for a large portion of their lives and genuinely enjoy being that way, then through some sort of classical conditioning become a different sexuality? | Do you think sexuality is completely determined by biology and genetics or do you think that external environmental factors can genuinely change a person's sexuality? |
t3_4y2l52 | relationships | Me [29 M] doesn't know how to talk to[21 F] online friend about her bothering me. | So there's this girl I met playing Overwatch, and I thought she was chill and pretty fun to talk to, not negative, you know, just...normal. So we start talking more outside game, exchange numbers, text, use rabbit, and, well...
She's so fucking *needy*. Texts me in the morning, but can't hold a conversation. Like, I have to do all the work. We play Overwatch but we lose because neither of us are very good, so she wants to stop and then when I don't want to stop, she acts offended. Anytime I'm online, she wants to talk to me and shit.
Thing is, she has a boyfriend that she lives with. It feels like she's using me for whatever attention she isn't getting from him, but I'm not about that shit. I like my personal time, and I don't know how to broach the subject without coming off as a dick. Like, how do you say "You're cool, but stop talking to me so fucking much."
Anyways, at this point I've sort of just ghosted. She weirded me out after she texted me at like 10 at night asking if I wanted to watch something. I pretended to just be asleep (I was playing a game offline, she had no way of knowing I was at my comp) and she texted me again a half hour later going "I guess not?" After that, I just haven't responded to any texts. I feel like an asshole, but I don't know a way to sort this out, especially since I don't even know her that well. | How do I explain to online friend that I value my personal time and I'd like to not be texted and prodded at all hours? |
t3_23v35y | relationships | Me [23 M] with my GF [22 F] 1 year, she's a morning person and I'm not at all | Hello, everyone.
My girlfriend is a super morning person, whereas I am very much not. Her idea of a Saturday is to get up at 7am, have a date starting at 4pm and get sleepy by 9pm. My idea of a Saturday is to get up at 12-1pm, have a date starting at 8:30 or 9pm, and stay up until 3am.
What this means is that I miss out on a lot of morning activities with her (eg, going to church with her, or having a morning run with her), and she misses out on late night activities with me (most of my friends are evening people too, for example, so she often can't hang out with my friends too long).
We've been trying to meet in the middle, where I try to be up by 10ish so I could have brunch with her, for example, and she tries to stay out later if she's out with me and my friends. And maybe given more time this will work. But right now, it's just making us both tired, me for getting up early and her for staying up late.
I know that her schedule is probably *closer* to what productive adult hours should be, so should I just suck it up and adjust more towards her schedule, or should we continue finding some middle area? | My GF wakes up early and goes to bed early. I wake up late and stay up late. We're both missin' out on shit. |
t3_4ha1rn | personalfinance | PSA - How to *really* obtain a copy of your credit report after applying for a credit card (instructions for Experian) | I recently applied for a credit card, and as part of this process, the consumer (me) has, "under federal law, the right to obtain a copy of your credit report without charge for 60 days after you receive this notice."
That's what a helpful *cough* page said along with my new credit card. It then proceeds to give you instructions how to do this.
Option 1: Call. Well, I called, got a machine, and it directed me to pay $1 online for my report (and subscribe to something). Got another number, this time I got a person, and they also proceeded to sign me up for something --- to which I politely declined.
Option 2: Mail. I didn't mail, like, what am I supposed to write? Plus, there's option 3!
Option 3: "Visit www.experian.com". Awesome, internet ftw. But, visiting experian.com all points to me signing up for something and paying $1!!
After some exploring of www.experian.com, I figured out how to get this free-law-given credit report. So there are the REAL instructions:
1) Go to www.experian.com
2) Click "Consumer Assistance" on top ribbon (www.experian.com/help)
3) Under "Common Questions", click "How do I view my report again?" (
4) Check "I have accessed my Experian credit report before, but do not have a username and password", and click "Continue"
5) Fill out the form for "Access by personal information" and "Submit"
6) View your credit report, for free as the law states.
I don't want to speculate why it would be so hidden how to do this... but I hope this helps people getting their free report after their credit card application. | If you're entitled for a free Experian credit report following a credit card application, follow the "Real Instructions" above and save some time figuring it out (and/or $1). |
t3_4xgmqx | relationships | Me [29M] with some practical questions about how to break up correctly | Im 29, male, divorced about a year ago and just recently returned to dating. I've been seeing someone [mid20'sF] for a while and want to break it off, but I haven't had a breakup aside from my divorce in a decade and have some practical questions. We never made our relationship explicit and see each other only about once a week, I think it borders on fwb territory, but we've seen each other enough times that I think a face to face talk is required (probably like 15-20 times, over like 4 months).
My main question, and it seems like an extremely simple one but Im kind of stumped by it, is how do you arrange to be in the same place for the break up to happen? The reason this is tricky is we live in a large city, the commute from hers to mine is a little over an hour, and we only see each other like once every week or two for a planned date/hookup. So inviting her over to my neighborhood for a date then dumping her feels crappy, she'll have spent 2 hours on the train to get broken up with.
Similarly, if I plan a date with her in her neighborhood I don't mind making the trip but then we'll have planned a dinner or something, and it doesn't feel right to tell her Im taking her out and then break up instead.
I could text her and just say I want to come over and talk, but I think that will make it pretty obvious something is up, she'll ask follow up questions, and before I know it Im breaking up over text which I didnt want to do.
Right now my plan is to just head over to her neighborhood, shoot her a text saying Im around and would she take a walk with me, and just hope she's around and says yes otherwise Im stuck making the train ride home and making a new plan. Probably can only try this once since she'll be wondering why I keep showing up in her neighborhood asking for walks, she'll ask, and we're back to me explaining myself and breaking up over text.
This seems like a pretty common scenario, how do other people who live in large cities deal with this? | How to you manage a breakup when the relationship is slightly less casual than a 'break up by text or ghosting' situation, but you live about an hour apart. |
t3_bna3c | AskReddit | Are kids being educated about needy countries? | I don't know about you guys, but I still remember quite a bit from projects I did when I was in middle school/beginning of high school (before they all started to run together and before I started BSing essays).
I work at a college not a middle or high school, nor do I have children, so I don't know if this is being done already, but I can't help but think how wonderful it would be if middle school kids would be given projects about needy countries. Tell them to pick a country from Africa or Central America, for instance. Have them not only describe the awesome animals and culture there, but also the problems people face.
Kids have a great way of confronting adults (incl. their parents) about what is still shocking to them, but might not be to us. I hope these kind of projects are already going on in most places. Are they? | Are kids assigned projects on needy countries and being asked to describe what they learn? Also, msstree is a wordy person. |
t3_1lzhp6 | relationships | (24/m) - i have just broken up with my (26/F) GF and struggling with the guilt as to whether it was the right thing. | We had been going out for about 6 months and the relationship had not been growing past a certain point.
She is studying at university and has told me that she isn't someone who needs to be close to someone when in a relationship and doesn't feel it necessary to share feelings and emotions with your significant other (me in this case). There
Last night, after weeks of what felt like distance i expressed how i did feel distant from her - which was met with how she had not thought about it, and hadn't thought about it because of how busy her studies have been. She is someone who doesn't cope particularly well with. Previously, because of the lack on engagement from her side, i questioned what type of relationship she was looking to achieve - which i felt was never really answered and it did not seem clear. i asked again last night and she simply couldn't tell me, which prompted the question from me - whether she actually wanted to be in a relationship with me - again met with "i dont know".
I do love this girl and i did see a genuine future with her but after last night, and the previous conversations around the same topic, it really just didn't feel like she was into progressing things into the future the same way i was. So that was that. i politely gathered my things and left.
If anyone can shed some light on things. I felt like breaking up was the right thing to do, but it is conflicted with the fact that i do love this girl. I didnt believe that she was truly someone who didnt want to express feelings and emotions with her partner, because there was instances of opposite behaviour throughout the relationship, but she seemed adamant that that is not how she is (even upon bringing these to her attention). Im pretty gutted about it all in all honesty.
Thanks. | broken up over difference of ideas in a relationship. Struggling whether it was the right thing to do. Inaction to want relationship on her part seemed to speak louder than anything else. |
t3_e42zm | AskReddit | Have you ever completely relocated to a far away place with a whole group of people (not family)? | A friend recently pitched a proposition. We're playing with the idea of getting a bunch of people to essentially start a new life out west. We currently live in Ohio and are starting to hate our office jobs. The idea is to set out and start a few related businesses out there...kind of move as this sort of collective community almost. We know several people mid 20's to mid 30's in a variety of professions without any attachments that can just pick up and go, and he says he's gotten a handful of people already on board with the notion.
It seems like a cool idea, but moving and starting over is always scary. In theory, I would think it takes some of the stress out of it to be moving with a familiar group of people. I've thought about moving across country before, but always imagined the wife and I going it alone. I've only ever relocated as a kid with family because of family, or from one Columbus apartment to another, so this idea seems pretty foreign to me.
Any of you every try anything like this? Is it at all common to do this sort of thing? Any advice unique to this idea? Words of encouragement? Words of caution? | A friend and I are thinking of starting a new life out west with a whole group of friends. Looking for guidance. |
t3_vewbu | cats | About to get rid of cat, please HELP. | My boyfriend and I have had out cat Molly for about a year and a half now, and in the last month she has started peeing on EVERYTHING. We tried putting her nose it in, spray bottle, we don't know what else there is to do. Our entire apartment smells like piss and neither of us can take it. She is almost 4 years old and was in a clinic until we adopted her at 2 and a half, it took her months to fully trust us and I'm scared that if we give her to someone else she'll never trust. Also I love her, so much and do not want to loose her. However we can not continue to live like this. If anyone has had similar situations or may know what to do PLEASE HELP!! | Cat won't stop pissing on everything, the apartment is gross and we're ready to give her away although we don |
t3_2g4kdg | relationships | I( 18F) really like this guy (21M) and he likes me to. How can I get past SUPER bad sex? | So I just moved to college and I went to a party and met this boy. I thought we'd just be good friends considering he had a girlfriend back home. He told me he liked me a lot and him and his girlfriend later broke up.
This guy (who is 21) is incredible, hes funny and nice and pretty much the best thing ever. The only problem is he is super bad at sex. I had sex with him and couldn't look at him the same after that. I am trying to convince myself that size doesn't matter, but I can't get passed this especially since my last boyfriend was big and very skilled at sex. | Are there any ways to get used to being with a boy who's bad in bed? If not what should I do? |
t3_2mhuxk | relationships | My [24M] girlfriend [23F] of 4 months has said she doesn't find me attractive anymore because of something I wasn't completely honest about. Can this be fixed? | We were at a party and I, without telling her, did some drugs. I eventually told her later that night but at that point she already knew. At the time she said it was fine but the next morning she told me she doesn't find me attractive anymore because I was dishonest and the state I was in was very unattractive to her.
I've spent so long trying to explain myself, apologising profusely and doing whatever I can to make things right. She has said that she doesn't know if things will ever be the same again because of this. She said that it would have been fine if I'd told her beforehand but she feels I have crossed a line (related or not, she was cheated on in a past relationship so that probably has something to do with how she feels about trust).
This is the first thing I've done wrong in the relationship. I've otherwise been completely honest about everything, never hurt her, never disrespected her, did everything I could to make her happy.
I feel so awful for betraying her trust and I just want to fix things.
Is there any way things can be fixed now? Do you think the trust can be regained? | wasn't completely honest to my gf about doing drugs at a party, now she doesn't feel the same way about me. Can this be fixed? |
t3_13ck3e | relationships | I think my (21F) housemate (21M) just made a move on me. What do I do now? | [Names, ages slightly modified to preserve anonymity. Also, throwaway, also for obvious reasons]
I (a girl with a boyfriend) live with 2 guys. We've been living together for a few months. All of us are college students. One of the guys is in a serious relationship, as am I. We all seem to get along and things have always been totally fine and platonic.
Fast forward to today, when my housemate (not the taken one) is hanging out alone, having a beer, watching some TV. I decide to hang out with him too. First we're sitting apart. Then he moves to sit close to me - fine, I think. Then I notice that even though I'm leaning away (as I fall asleep), he keeps moving closer. Then he manages to pet my leg. I think, "OK, accident". Then he manages to do it again. AT this point he's sitting REALLY close to me, leaning his head near mind, and has his hand basically on my leg and my sleepy self realizes that this is kind of unusual. I tell him I'm exhausted (true) and going to bed.
I don't know if I am overanalyzing his actions, or if I am right to be freaking out. He's always been pretty sweet to me (compliments and the like) and such. We are not physically affectionate though. Anyway, if he is hitting on me, what the hell do I do now? I don't even know where to start with this one ... do I tell my boyfriend? Do I confront him? Do I shut up and put up? Egads. | My housemate may have just made a move on me. Am I overreacting? Did I misinterpret? What the fuck do I do now, reddit? |
t3_jtop3 | AskReddit | Can my employer do this to me..? | Here's the background information: I am an expedite at a popular restaurant making $11/hr. I'm 20 years and a student. This is a pretty good job to me and I kinda enjoy the hectic kitchen work. Although, my GM is a bit of a dick face that almost everyone strongly dislikes him.
I studied abroad this summer in Prague and took a hiatus or LOA from my job for just over two months. I gave notice to my managers about six months ahead of time (in January) that I will gone for the summer. I filled out a schedule request and submitted. Everything was done to their regulations. Now he's the weird part... Now that I'm coming back into work, I was told by the GM and another manager that I was taken out of the "system". They transferred to an online schedule system that they use now. Now my GM wants to start me at a lower pay, cutting my pay for taking an educational leave.. Let this be known that I consider myself a good employee that always works hard, comes in on time, I don't bitch and usually respectful. I don't see how my GM can justify giving me a pay cut.. Is this right? Should I straight out call HR and chat with them? I told my kitchen manager that if they give me a pay cut, I will immediately quit. My KM thinks I have talent working in the kitchen and definitely doesn't want to lose me. Is this OK or unethical business practice? | Took an LOA from work this summer, to study abroad, and now I'm back and my boss wants to cut my pay. WTF |
t3_4ib2yi | relationships | My [22M] roommate [23M] likes to borrow my things. Am I being a dick for trying to stop him? | I've been living with Paul (my roommate) for a few months, and it's become a common thing for him to pop into my bedroom and ask to borrow my laptop. It's no secret that Paul isn't wealthy, and his only source of income is a part-time job at Kwik Shop.
Because of this, my friends and family have urged me to "be kind" to Paul, since he is not as fortunate as me. So when I suggest that I might stop letting him borrow my expensive electronics (PS4, laptop), people call me an asshole and tell me to let him use these devices since I'm not using them all the time.
Honestly, Paul could be making just as much money as I do if he chose to go full-time at work, but he doesn't, because he's lazy. So when he borrows my stuff, I always think to myself: "He could buy his own things if he wasn't being a lazy sack of shit all the time."
He treats these devices well, and hasn't broken any of them, but inevitably the lifespan of them goes down while he is almost constantly using the laptop and | Roommate is borrowing my expensive electronic devices to entertain himself, but I feel like I shouldn't be obligated to provide him with these things, despite the fact that I don't even use those devices that much. |
t3_21muz6 | relationships | Should I[22F] tell the guy I'm seeing [23M] that I have herpes before I ask him to be exclusive? | **To be clear, I have told every partner about my hsv since the diagnosis, and will continue to tell ALL partners in the future. There is no question of whether or not I will tell the guy I'm seeing, but of when.**
I've been seeing this guy for a few weeks and am getting to the stage where I'm pretty crazy about him - I want to ask him if he'll date me exclusively pretty soon. Although I'm unsure as to whether he's dating anyone else or not, I think he'll say yes. We haven't had sex or done anything below the belt yet, mostly because I've shifted away from casual sex over the past few months and have been waiting for an exclusive dating scenario before sleeping with someone new.
Thing is, I have genital hsv-1 (and have had it for about a year, to the best of my knowledge). I've had a fairly normal sex life since I found out - 3 new partners plus 1 from before my diagnosis, all casual. The shift away from casual sex has little to do with my hsv. I usually tell partners when I'm ready to sleep with them, but as I want to wait until I know we'll only be seeing each other, this feels a little bit more complicated. A part of me feels like it's unfair to ask him to commit to me and then spring the news on him, but I'm also dealing with a large amount of guilt and shame that comes along with the stigma of having the herp. Do I owe it to him to tell him before we get more serious?
I always give my partners an "out" when telling them, and this would be no different. I'd be hurt if he chose to walk away, but obviously I'd understand his choice. I want to make this easy on him, but I'm also developing some real feelings for him which make it hard to do just that. It's also fairly difficult to go through the whole explanation with someone new, and if he's not ready to be exclusive it'll all be for nothing. Any advice is appreciated, especially from others who have been through a similar situation. | I've got the herp; do I tell the guy I'm seeing before or after I ask him to see me exclusively? |
t3_1k5b67 | relationships | So confused | So I've [m/22] been dating this girl [f/18] for 3 years we've had our ups and downs, but recently we went thorough some problems that she broke up with me because I was smoking cigarettes when I was at work without her so she was saying I was doing things behind her back yet when she would do the same I wouldn't say anything because I didn't think it was a big deal.
Well when she broke up with me she hooked up with this dude she only talked to for a couple weeks, but she is the only girl I've ever had sex with and before this I was her only.
After I found out about that I started talking to someone out of state but close to where my dad lives up north and we talked on kik and she started saying she really liked me and wanted for us to meet and I felt the same. I love the girl that I've been with but I just keep thinking about the other girl and what my girlfriend did with that guy.
Right now we are back together, starting over to try to fix us but I'm do confused I don't know what to do. Any thoughts? | Been dating this girl for 3 years, she would get mad at me for things like smoking even though she was doing the same, but I didn't care |
t3_ya600 | dating_advice | M19 - I have trust issues. | So I have a history of getting "played with". Girls talk to me, make moves on me, tell me they like me. And when things get serious, at the point where "mushy gushy" stuff gets said(Facebook and texts), they show their friends and make me look like a fool.
Later I figured out that they only did it for the fun of it. It wasn't even the girl i thougth it was who sent the texts all the time, they switched it up.
And now I seem to be really drawn back whenever I talk to girls. I want to tell them "flirty" stuff, but I'm afraid there is someone else behind the keyboard/phone. So I kind of friendzone myself.
What can I do?
Maybe I just needed to type this out..
(I'm sorry if this didn't make much sense) | Flirted with a girl, she made a fool out of me infront of her friends. Now I'm beeing paranoid whenever girls flirt with me. |
t3_1zd4ei | relationships | My [29M] GF [24 F] of 4 months kissed another guy one day after becoming exclusive. | At dinner last night, talking about the we went on around the time before and after we starting seeing each other during the non exclusive period. She drops the, "I think you'll be mad if you hear this", so I obviously pry.
I find out that she met up with a guy through wechat (Asian Whatsapp meats SKOUT/Tinder). Before becoming non-exclusive, I was nonchalant on the whole controlling thing. She can meet whomever she wants and she asked me, this guy sent me an add request, I sent "have fun, be safe, enjoy life". Which resulted in her adding him and later exchanging info (she said, she didn't know I cared about her back then).
Fast forward to 1-1.5 weeks to late December, we hang out for Christmas and she bring up the exclusive/gf aspect (my moto, when the girl lets me know, she's ready for a relationship). Next day, she send me a text that she giving me the heads up that she's heading to a party with a friend. I knew she got really drunk and got home safely. What I didn't know, the "friend" was the guy off the social app and even after she told him about being exclusive over the phone, they still went out and he made a move on her (I didn't delve further...ie did she stop it immediately, how long did it last, etc...all I know is that it was a kiss and nothing else).
Getting long...so we talked it over. I forgave her, laid out how she has to take responsibilities for her actions and understand the situation she is getting herself in, but obviously this still on my mind. How should I move forward (obviously, if I forgive, I can't hold it over her), but to move past this...what should we discuss?
Thanks | My [29M] GF [24 F] of 4 months kissed another guy one day after becoming exclusive. Forgave her, but it still on my mind, how to move forward together? Thanks |
t3_ieghd | AskReddit | What is the most disgusting thing to ever happen to you? | When I was in High School, I stopped over at my best friend's house to pick up my GameBoy that I left there a few days prior. He was in the living room with his folks watching a movie, and he told me that it was in his chest in his bedroom. I walked into his room, opened up the doors on the chest, and saw my GameBoy. Right next to it was a small stack of Victoria's Secret catalogs. I let out a chuckle and grabbed the top one. It took my brain a second to process what was going on, but I noticed that it was wet and a little sticky. I quickly pulled my hand away, and for a brief instant, I caught a glint of sunlight off of a gooey string between my hand and the magazine.
I grabbed my GameBoy, walked out of the house as quickly as possible and without saying a word to anyone. I got to my car, noticed my hand still had *stuff* on it, and vomited.
Now he is in jail after getting busted in a To Catch a Predator style sting. | I grabbed a hand full of my best friend's jizz from his chest. Now he's in jail for being pedobear. |
t3_3nnm10 | relationships | She (22f) loves me (22m) but is not longer in love with me. 6 years | The title kind of says it all. My highschool/college sweetheart and I have been together for 6 years, with a few month break 3 years ago. We got jobs on the opposite sides of the country after college, and during a visit she dropped this on me. I'm stuck at her place until my flight tomorrow. I don't know what to do. I'm crushed. I feel like I've lost my best friend. We just had a great time, lots of laughs and sweet talks, but I think this is the end, right? How do I get over the person I essentially navigated my teen years/early adulthood with? I have no idea how to talk to women, I've only ever gotten blackout drunk and woken up next to someone when her and I were apart. | my girlfriend of 6 years loves me but isn't in love with me. I'm at her place until my flight tomorrow. Now what? |
t3_j0woq | AskReddit | Reddit, how do you answer this question? "Women complain about how guys these days are boys, not men. But where are the ladies?" | I read a WSJ article a while back, called "Where have all the good men gone?" (
And I have the same question, but for women. Regardless of whether or not it is right, our society still perpetuates the age old stereotype about men - i.e. he should be strong, intelligent, hardworking, chivalrous in public but empathetic in public. And today many complain about how those kind of men don't exist anymore.
But yet, neither do those kind of women exist. An overwhelming majority of college aged women hookup, drink too much, smoke weed, cheat, and engage in all other kind of debauchery. That is perfectly in their rights, too. However, when they want a steady relationship, they can't do it, because they still get drunk and hookup with random guys or do something else. All modesty is gone today.
Of course, everyone is free to do what they want. It's just I hear women complain about this male problem a lot. WHEN THEY DO THE EXACT SAME THING. So reddit, what do think about this? Personally, I'm tired of it. | People complain about how men are pigs these days, but (at least I think) so are a lot of women. Opinions? |
t3_1dp47h | pettyrevenge | Conquering the bully | My high school bully was a big tall fat kid; built like Shrek.
Everyday he'd taunt me and emotionally torture me, and we shared the same gym block so we were in close proximity to each other. He'd be off playing basketball, and I'd be playing hacky-sack with my friends in the corner, (the teachers didn't give two fucks what you were doing, just as long as you were active.)
Well anyway, I got fucking fed up with him, and the school administration did jack-shit because he was an exceptional student, and I was a C- average nobody.
So one day I noticed that he ritualistically has a big bottle of Gatorade to drink after gym, sitting off near the backpacks, which is about 5 feet away from where my friends and I are located.
So the next day, I had a box of Ex-Lax pills, and a packet of licorice powder, (which I picked up at a gag gift store a few years back as a souvenir), the licorice powder supposedly gives you gas, so I didn't know if it would work or not so I used it anyway.
I snuck up to the bottle while no one was looking, crushed up 3 Ex-Lax tablets and dumped them in, and tore the packet of licorice powder and poured it in, and shook up the bottle to mix thoroughly.
End of gym class comes around, and the Ogre chugs down his Gatorade with 3 gulps, and by the look on his face, it seemed like it tasted weird, but finished it off anyway.
Near the end of the day, I hear a rumor that some big fat kid ripped a disgusting fart in the middle of class, and sprayed diarrhea shit all over the classroom floor, and subsequently had to be sent home. | I put fart powder and laxatives in my bullies sports drink and made him cover his classroom floor with hemorrhaging liquid shit ass." |
t3_10zn89 | relationship_advice | [M26] I had a great first date with her [F27], we had planned to see each other again but then I made a mistake. Is there anyway I can get her to give me another chance? | So we had what I would describe as my best first date ever. We really connected, talked and laughed about every imaginable subject. Never have I felt such an immediate and direct connection with a stranger I had just met. We clearly told each other that we would have to do this again, we texted about a second date on our way home.
However right after this first date I was hired as a temp in a bar for a special 10 days event, where I would have to work really long and irregular hours. Some of the other temps couldn't make it so we had to take double shifts and what not. This is why we decided to wait until I would be done with this (10 days) before seeing each other again.
Meanwhile we kept in touch mainly via email. We had great exchanges where we shared about our past and our lives, it felt like we were old friends reconnecting. One night, after having worked from 9am till midnight, I came home and decided to answer her last email... big mistake. I tried to be funny and use all sorts of silly "shock humour" jokes and sarcasm, South Park style (we're both big fans). Alas I'm no comedian and everything I wrote was just a clusterfuck of unfunny negativity. I realised my mistake the next day and I promptly apologised, hoping she would be able to forgive me and forget about that momentary lack of judgement.
Well, it's been about 3 weeks and she hasn't answered me since. Is there anyway I can get back in touch with her without creeping her out or sounding completely desperate? I have her phone number, her Facebook account and her email. I know this may sound silly as we only had one date and a dozen emails but we had such a perfect connection that I feel weird to let it go over such an insignificant incident. | met great girl, planned to see each other again, wrote stupid email, apologised but no answer from her, can I get her back? |
t3_16og2k | relationship_advice | Working with friends who just fired me. | I've been working with close friends of mine for the past 2 years, and I just got fired for no apparent reason.
It's been the most awkward thing ever & I can't get my head around it.
I almost feel used. I got paid next to nothing by them and agreed to work for below minimum wage to help their company.
And their basic response was "Oh sorry we don't need you anymore, goodbye".
Legally they can do this because I was only a contracter... I agreed to work for them without a contract.
I'm just absolutely gutted because these guys are basically my only friends in life -- I never expected a knife in the back like this.
I'm using up what little notice period I have to feverishly look for work, but its pretty hard to come by where I am and I'm now starting to worry that I am going to lose my home and be unable to live without moving back in with my parents. | My only friends just 'fired' me on little to no basis. I needed the job to get by -- this is really shitty |
t3_2bal7g | relationships | Me [22M] with my best friend [20F] of 6 months, I can't see her anymore. | We met relatively recently, this last school year, but I get along with her better than anyone I've ever met. I've only known her about 6 months, but I already feel more comfortable with her than some of my friends I've known for years. The more I hang out with her, the better it gets. However, she has a boyfriend that I've never met(and for all our time spent together, has mentioned just once). Sometimes, I almost feel like she makes an effort to avoid talking about him, and since we've met, she's avoided asking me about any other women I might be interested in or whatever.
She's told me nothing about her boyfriend, and made not even passing mention of him beyond the first, when I asked her out. After that happened, I should have just dropped it there, but I enjoyed her company too much, and both of us still really still wanted to hang out. Since then, literally every time we hang out, she gets better and better, and I just don't know how many more times I can do it. I don't know how much longer I can hang out with her knowing I can't be more than a friend. Sometime in the next day or so I'm going to ask to meet her to tell her all this. I guess the only question I have is whether this is the right thing or not. | falling in love with a girl that has a boyfriend, so I'm going to tell her we can't hang out anymore. |
t3_yijv1 | relationships | How to balance my[22] and my GF[23] sex drive? | So I've been dating my girlfriend for about three months now and I honestly have to say she's the most amazing girl I've ever met in life, she's absolutely beautiful and fits my life perfectly.
I guess you'd say that this is my first real relationship, though I've had a lot of casual sex. So there has been somewhat of a learning curve to being in a relationship, but I've been honestly trying very hard to be a good boyfriend to her, she absolutely deserves it! She suffers from anxiety pretty severely and has had some bad things happen to her in the past but I'm always considerate and understanding (though oftentimes it's hard for me to completely understand)
Onto the sex... Now I've had sex with a whole host of different girls and thought I'd experienced it all but the sex with this girl far surpasses any of that, it's absolutely mind-blowing and she'll let me do absolutely to her. We both have a really amazing time.
Onto the problem... To her, sex is like a weekly/fortnightly activity though i desirer it much more frequently than that. And(not to sound like a pussy) but it really upsets me when she's pushing me away and turning me down while we fool around witch then in turn really upsets her.
I've tried talking about it with her but she's always gets really upset and shuts off, and really upsetting her is the last thing i want...
So anybody have any advise for me on this? Am i being a jerk for wanting more sex? Be under no illusions, even if this girl never had sex with me again I'd still be with her and would never consider cheating. It's just this seems to be the only problem in an otherwise perfect relationship
Thank you for reading. | Have an awesome GF, we have amazing sex, but she just doesn't want it so often. Is there anything that can be done? or is this just how things will be? |
t3_1u227y | relationship_advice | I [28/m] left my extremely religious community and an arranged marriage. I've been dating a great girl [28/f], but feel I'm missing out on being with other people. | Alright Reddit. I've been reading r/relationship_advice for a few weeks, and some of you have great things to say. I was hoping for some perspective on my dilemma.
Quick background:
I grew up sheltered and very religious - I went to an all boys school through high school, no television, magazines, only censored/approved books. I was expected to enter an arranged marriage and have kids right away, all before my mid-twenties.
At 19 I decided I wanted more out of life, saved money, and moved out of my parents house. Adjusting was difficult - I was shy, clueless with women and people in general. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 23. I had no friends and my dating life was sporadic at best.
It wasn't until I was 25 that I started to get confident. I started making friends, and meeting girls got easier. I dated a few girls, and then met my current girlfriend. We've been together for over 2 years. She's beautiful and I love her, but can't help the feeling that I'm missing out.
My girlfriend is smart and pretty (seriously, I got lucky), and has had a typical romantic life - a couple of long term relationships in high school, college, and after, as well as periods where she was happy to be single and experiment. I'm happy that she got this experience, but sometimes I feel a little jealous. I would never cheat and don't want to leave her, but the fact that I never got to experiment, sexually or romantically, makes me wonder if I'm missing my chance to do this while I'm not yet thirty.
So, on one hand I love her and want to be with her.
On the other hand I'm worried that these feelings of missing out will only get worse as our relationship gets more serious. | I grew up religious and sheltered, met a great girl quickly, we've been dating for over 2 years, and now wonder if I'm missing out on fooling around while I'm still in my twenties. |
t3_22dcxl | relationships | I'm (16F) having really big problems at home and they are making me depressed and want to run away :( please help? | I am a 16 year old girl and I have been getting really depressed due to problems at home but I am usually a very happy, fun person but its making me and my boyfriend very sad.
At home I am always shouted at by my parents over stupid things like forgetting to wash a cup or something which is just ridiculous. They never let me do anything what I want to do and they are far too strict on me, they need to stop.
Its been getting so much worse over recent months and it honestly makes me question what I've done because I dont really do anything wrong, I am a nice enough person. I usually can cope with it but recently over the past two or three weeks its made me so sad and I just cry every day about it and its keeping me awake at night; the thought of running away is constantly on my mind.
Me being upset all the time makes me feel so guilty because it makes my boyfriend sad and that is the worst thing I could ever do (I have been with him over a year) I try my hardest to be happy all the time but the sadness just creeps back up on me.
It is affecting my every day life and its making me feel alone, even though I am not as I have my boyfriend, and not sure what to do. | My parents won't give me the freedom to do what I want and it is making me depressed and I am contemplating running away. |
t3_42kfis | personalfinance | Possible temporary relocation for work - what should I negotiate for? | I'm currently working on a tender for a new project at work. I have agreed that if we win the work I will relocate from Wollongong to Brisbane to work on site with the customer.
I've had two pay rises amounting to ~16.5k in the past 6 months (and I'm already being paid above the level I should be with my level of experience) so I don't think asking for an outright payrise would be appropriate in this situation. What sort of other benefits can I reasonably negotiate for?
So far I've thought of:
* Accommodation provided by the company (I know they have done this for other employees with previous projects)
* A car or a reasonable budget for public transport while I am in Brisbane
* 1-2 return flights home per month (on weekends) and a rental car
Are any of those requests unreasonable? Should I be asking for more?
Bit of extra background info: I've always been quite frugal but since the start of December I started reading a lot more about FI/RE and become substantially more serious about it. Regardless of this opportunity I've been planning to move out of my current rental to somewhere significantly cheaper, and last time I got my car serviced my mechanic warned me that I should probably start looking for a replacement car soon because mine is on it's last legs (400000kms on the odometer). If this opportunity works out I'd definitely like to take advantage of the opportunity to defer those costs. | I've been pre-emptively asked to relocate for work for 3-6 months, what kind of benefits should I negotiate? |
t3_1ilksq | relationships | Should I [21M virgin] consider asking her [21F virgin] out or wait for someone that feels more appropriate? | First of all, I am 21M.
I have never been in an actual date or experienced mutual affection. I am not that bad (average looking) but I rarely meet new girls for various reasons I don't need to explain here. Also I am only interested in having an actual relationship, not one-night stands etc.
More importantly, I rarely like someone enough to approach her romantically as I find most women dull or naive. Hence, I tend to appreciate women with a good taste, odd interests who are into science or geeky culture because I really want to feel that I can have a conversation with my SO about things we like and spend time together.
She is a nice girl and there is a chance she likes me or at least finds me likeable. Due to the fact that she is just as inexperienced as I am I have trouble understanding whether that's true or not. I know for a fact that she never really makes a move towards guys.
However, I am just not sure if I like her enough myself. I know that I am not as interested in her as I was towards previous cases.
Truth is though that it gets lonely at times for me and she does have the potential to be nice and interesting to an extent for me.
So... My question to you is: *Do I go for it and risk being disappointed and/or hurting her OR do I wait for the next one, regardless of how many months/years it might take? | Mildly interested in mutually inexperienced girl (which rarely happens for me). Do I ask her out or wait for someone I have more intense feelings/interest for? |
t3_1kfpd1 | legaladvice | Used Car Purchased in Virgina | So going to try to make this straight and to the point.
My gf bought a car from a used car lot as is. We made the mistake of not having it looked at by a mechanic before purchase. Anyways we drive it off the lot to return home about 3 1/2 hour drive and get half a mile down the road and the check engine light goes off. We turn around and go right back and the dealer. He has one of his mechanics look at it and says it was a cylinder misfire. He give my gf a 100 dollar bill and says to use it to get looked at. So they clear the code and we get it home ok.
Next morning she is headed to work and it wont start. Since then it has been to 2 different mechanics to be looked at. The check engine light continues to go off when the engine is cold. All the general things have been checked and the problem remains.
We purchased the car on a Saturday and I contacted the dealer on the following Monday to express my distaste. I then emailed him the details in an email as a written proof of when he was contacted regarding the problem. He contacted me the next day and said he would work with me to get the problems fixed as the car was sold under the impression that it was in good working order. I have tried a few times to get him to respond to my email agreeing that he knows this was a preexisting issue and he is responsible for the repairs but he has yet to do so.
So currently the second mechanic has done a thorough job trying to figure out what the deal is and he says he has exhausted his options of what to try. I'm trying to figure out what to do next. The car was sold to us in this shape and is has been in the shop most of the 3 weeks that we have had it now. Being sold as is limits the options a good deal I know. Any direction or opinions welcome. I know I could have planned this out better and researched it more but this is where it is. Live and learn. | Used car purchased as is with a preexisting problem the dealer knew about it the day we purchased it. Three weeks since purchase now. Two mechanics couldn't fix it. What next? |
t3_1g24z8 | relationships | I really need an advice on this situation (Me 19F, her 18F) | Before I start, I'd like to apologize beforehand for my poor spelling (we all know how reddit gets with grammar/spelling mistakes), as I'm foreign and English isn't my first language.
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A little bit of back story: This girl A and I started out as friends around 4 years ago, then it smoothly evolved into something more but it was short lived, as I think we both had an unspoken agreement that it was more experimental than anything else (even though we admited that there were feelings on each side). A month and half later it ended but there were no hard feelings, we moved on as friends and even spoke to each other about our loves lifes and all.
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We then started talking less and less, specially her and as I didn't want to be clingy and give off the impression that I still felt something for her, I didn't press on the issue. We met up a year later and it wasn't awkward at all, and sometimes it felt as "old times" when we used to be together but I know for a fact that we are really over and it's not my intention to, even if she wanted, get back with her.
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We began talking even less (sometimes I texted but either I got no reply, or it was a very brief conversation) and fast forward a couple of years, I send her a facebook message wishing her a happy birthday (she did the same when it was my birthday) and she replied saying she "kinda missed me" (this was a couple months ago). The thing is, I do miss her very much and I would be more than happy to say something to her but I'm afraid that if I do she will either ignore me, or blow me off and I don't want to feel humilliated by that, so I opted by not saying anything at all. Would it be a good move on my part if I said something? I have, as people have told me before, too much pride and if the above mentioned happened, it would be really hard for me to swallow, but I really miss her (as a friend, we've both moved on) | I'm unsure about taking the initiative to talk to a former friend and I'd really need an input on the situation. |
t3_1bm8p0 | AskReddit | Reddit, what has been your craziest near death experience in your life so far? | Mine took place when I was 14. I was riding my dirt bike on a dry lake bed in the high desert in Southern California. I was in 6th gear going as fast as possible and I just froze. I saw people coming at me from a perpendicular angle, one was on a quad and the other on a dirt bike. I could tell that there was a chance that we might hit one another unless one of us slowed down. Even knowing this I did not slow down for some reason, not sure why, I just froze. My dad was trying to catch up to me because he saw what was happening, he said that if he would have been able to catch me then he would've pulled me off my bike but his dirt bike was too heavy to catch up to me. I passed them with about a foot of clearance between us. As soon as I had passed them it registered in my mind that I did something incredibly stupid and that I had almost died. I slowed down and rode to the truck and stopped. I was the first time in my life that I had seen my dad tear up from being scared for my life. | I almost T-boned/got T-boned a person on a quad while going really fast on my dirt bike, which would have definitely killed me. |
t3_48o9np | relationships | Me [26 M] with my girlfriend [25 F] of 3 years. Feeling somewhat less attracted and constantly fantasizing. Is this just cold feet, or something more serious? | Please check my [previous post] for some history.
Our phenomenal relationship just turned three, and the only real problem we have is our differing views on marriage. It manifests in all kinds of weird little ways, as core relationship problems do. Mostly I'm scared of the idea that this could be "it" for me. I feel that I haven't had a chance to figure myself out yet, and it scares me to think of my story being written already.
But when I am honest with myself, I see that the problem is less about the story and more about my desire to sleep with other women. I am often preoccupied with the thought of dating other people and sex with new partners. I have some odd psychological issues surrounding sex: I've been somewhat addicted to porn in the past, which is also likely a factor. But acknowledging this doesn't solve my problem. As I go about my day, I can't stop myself from nearly obsessively checking out everyone I walk by, and I still get excited browsing missed connections. I can't figure out if this is pure "grass is greener" and I just need to grow up, or if I am actually beginning to lose my attraction to my girlfriend.
Sometimes, I don't feel that I love her the same way she loves me. I _do_ really love her, and I think this worry is probably another side to my sexual frustration. But my love for her feels like a warm, quiet thing deep within me, rather than the thrill it seems others experience. Our connection is a uniquely amazing thing, but it doesn't energize me in that way.
I have a major tendency to overanalyze, self-criticize, and dwell in metacognition. So I turn to you for a dose of perspective: am I just going through what's normal, or are these issues real? Do I just need to grow up, or should I look out for myself? | In an amazing relationship but fantasize often about other women. Am I losing my attraction, or is this just fear / immaturity that I need to overcome? |
t3_2yvt0v | tifu | TIFU and jumped the fence after the dog... | TIFU and jumped the fence after our new pibble (she's too adorable to be a "pitt bull") puppy. I landed wrong and managed to almost break both my ankles. One is hairline fractured and in a cast, the other is just badly sprained and in a splint. Now I can't walk, or at least can just barely walk with crutches and someone to support me so I don't fall over. My left foot is banned from bearing weight for at least a week (at which point it'll be rechecked to see if I can start to put a little weight on it). The right will be in a splint til then. Ever tried walking in crutches on one foot that's in a split? It sucks, and it's hard.
You're lucky I love you, mutt. She apologized by sniffing my cast and laying at my feet and pouting. She just wanted to go play with the neighbor dog, but she broke mommy. | TIFU and nearly broke both ankles jumping a fence to catch my dog. No walking for me for a while. Bad dog. =( |
t3_34wmgd | relationships | Me [20 F] with my boyfriend [20 M] of 2 years, wants to kill himself if I break up with him. | We had a really bumpy beginning in our relationship but we worked through the issues we were having. He didn't want a relationship because he didn't want his friends to make fun of him, etc.
We had our honeymoon period, and it was great. Although things started to die down when I didn't want to have sex as often (I was raped when I was 15 so this has an impact on my sexual experiences). He wanted sex, I didn't, but that didn't matter he still got sex even though I said I wasn't into it. This happened more times than I even want to admit. I feel like he violated my trust and violated me in the process.
I finally worked up the courage to tell him how I felt, and of course he cried because I guess he had no idea what he had been doing (that confuses me a bit). But when I told him I didn't think I could continue being in a relationship with him, that it was beyond repair in my mind and then he started crying, left the house and then came back telling me he was going to kill himself.
So of course I told him I wasn't going to leave him because I have no idea what else I could possibly say. I need help I really do. I don't know what to do, its not a matter of me not loving him anymore, I just need to do what's right for me.
Please give me some advice on how to approach this situation. | My boyfriend wants to kill himself because I want to break up with him. I can't continue the relationship because he would essentially force sex on me and violated my trust. |
t3_2ydidj | relationships | I [24 M] am finding it hard to change my opinion of my friend [23 M] of 10 years. | I'm [M24] finding it hard to change my opinion of my friend [M23]. Since the beginning of the year he's done some things that I consider to be very rude. He's publically insulted and embarrassed me on the bus, he's invited friends out for dinner and never spoke to them (or anyone else at the table) and He's gone entire outings without speaking to me or anyone else except his girlfriend. Those are just the big things, he's always on his phone (looking at twitter), he doesn't seem interested in anyone's life or what they've been doing and never tells anything about his life even if we ask him (I didn't know he was dating for months after and claimed it was obvious when I told him I didn't know).
Despite all this he continues to arrange things for the group of us to hang out, but shows no interest in hanging out after we're all together. We've been best friends for 10 years and since the beginning of the year it's gone downhill in the past two months. I just don't know what to do or how to act. How can I put aside my opinions and just be friends again? | My friend has ignored me when we hang out, I don't know how I can get over it and just want to be friends again. |
t3_32rfj9 | relationships | Me [27 M] with my girlfriend [25 F] of seven months. I received an awesome job offer that might put major stress on the relationship. | I've been dating this woman for about seven months, and I'm pretty sure she might be the one. She's amazing, and funny, and intelligent and SO passionate about her work, and I didn't know I could feel like this about a person.
Recently (because I hate my current job) I received a job offer for a company that will afford me *AWESOME* job benefits. Like healthcare on the first day, along with matching up to 6% in my 401k. I'll get 50% off of my phone plan, along with a free work line that upgrades every couple of months. In addition to that, I'll get a $1,000 signing bonus, *and* they will pay for me to return to school. I will get commission, and overtime is frequently available.
But the hours will change significantly. Instead of having a regular 9-5 weekday job, I will have a rolling schedule that changes week to week, and I may not be able to see her as much. In fact, there is a strong likelihood that our schedules will be different enough that we'll barely see each other - and in addition to that, I won't be able to see here on the weekends anymore.
And this is making me hesitate. If I were single, I'd have jumped at the opportunity *yesterday.* But the increased instability and distance will likely put a strain on our relationship, and my friends and family feel like I'm a sucker for even hesitating.
She's expressed her worries, and while she insists that she will support my decision either way, she is clearly uncomfortable with what this job might mean for us.
Any advice? | I really like this woman, but I have a job offer that will put our schedules at odds, and significantly cut down on the time we can spend together. |
t3_cx7ae | AskReddit | $3000 in parking fines. What can I do about them? | Last year I racked up $3000 in parking fines. It sounds incredibly stupid and I feel incredibly stupid about it. I was living in a condo in downtown Portland my parents were paying for while I went to school at | I'm a dumbass. Tell me what a dumbass I am. Maybe offer advice if you get tired of telling me what a god damn dumbass I am. |
t3_k30kg | AskReddit | Reddit, I don't know what to do: I think my roommate is going mentally insane. | My roommate just moved out to California and got his medical marijuana card a couple months ago. He's been really enjoying getting high, and that's been cool, but this last week he's began to really scare me with paranoid delusions.
Two days ago he told me that he was "figuring out" the purpose of life and sees patterns in everything. It didn't sound too crazy, so I gave a listen to everything he had to say.
Over the last two days, he has been saying progressively crazier things and has become obsessed with the thoughts that:
- our apartment is bugged by the government
- the pope is running the world
- spam email/twitter accounts are actually clues to joining an elite "ascended" organization
- everywhere he goes, people are following him and testing him with cryptic messages
- if you can get into the "ascended" group, you can fuck any girl you want and they'll take care of you
- every hot girl is a "gypsy" and part of the group
It's so bad now that he is walking up to strangers in parking lots and asking them for more clues. For the last couple days he has been obsessed with "finding the answers", and I'm afraid he's going to either get hurt or end up in jail for acting on his beliefs. I have tried to tell him that his perception on reality isn't right, even citing examples, and he simply cannot accept it.
I've known him for years, and I've never seen any prior signs of mental illness. He is extremely bright usually, that's partially why this is so bizarre, and I have no idea how to help him. | I think marijuana has brought out a mental disorder in my roommate, and he is taking to the streets and harassing people he thinks are "following him". I am worried and don't know what to do. |
t3_3hg79p | books | Finished the first book of the The Night's Dawn Trilogy, unsure if I should read on | I just finished "The Reality Dysfunction" and it was a good book in my opinion, I really liked it, but I have to say it took also strength to keep going, and I had to take breaks from it to regain the vitality I needed to dive into it again.
I not only mean the pure density of it, the descriptions of the planets fauna, people and the all around flavor. But also the moments where you get introduced to characters, just for them to get abused as windows for the reader, to enable the reader to see glimpses of the bigger picture, which the main characters wouldn't be able to show as easy.
Now my question is, does this change in the other books of the trilogy, does he cut down on the obtrusive and meandering subplots and characters and does he instead sharpen his story and characters, or does it ponder out that long again?
[Maybe seen as spoilerish so..](#s "When Ione is revealed as the Ruler of Ruin, the director of the Laymil research project "mentions" that this is also especially shocking for the Kulu dynasty, because they normally just have male heirs inheriting the thrones, but disregarding this later in the book the Planet Ombey is introduced, with Kirsten Saldana as ruler of the Ombey Principality and no mentioning of the apparent contradiction to what was mentioned earlier.") | Does Peter F. Hamilton cut down on the excessive subplots and give his main characters more space to breath and gain depth, or will the other two books in the trilogy follow the same path as the first one? |
t3_2kajs4 | relationships | Just found out I [31f] have high-risk HPV. Confessed to my bf [31m] of a one night stand I had years ago. He is very upset and I fear he has lost all trust for me. | My bf and I have been together for 10 years with the exception of about 5 years ago when we had a short separation. We broke up for a couple months and ended up getting back together. During that time I had a one night stand which I never told him about. He asked when we got back together if I had been with anyone else and I lied about it. I thought if I told him it would only cause hurt for him...it happened while we were broken up and was in the past so I figured it would be best to not say anything since I thought it would never come up again.
I recently had a physical and my pap test came back positive for HPV. My pap test last year was normal so my only guess is that it's been laying dormant in me for years and I probably got it from the one night stand. My bf and I were virgins when we met and I know for a fact he has not been with anyone else so he's not the one who gave it to me.
Learning all of this has really upset him. He says he would've rather had the raw truth than me try to protect him. He says I put him at risk because I could've given him an STD unknowingly. He wants me to get an STD screening to see if I have anything else. I feel ashamed and dirty. I feel like I'm diseased and he won't find me attractive anymore.
There are a few other things I've lied about in the past so that's why trust is an issue in the first place. I once came onto his friend (same period of time when we were broken up) and nothing happened but I lied about it anyway because I didn't want him to know. I also had an alcohol problem where I lied about my drinking a lot.
Is there something I can do to help rebuild trust? Is there no hope? I'm not really sure what to do now. | Lied to my bf about a one night stand where I most likely got HPV. Unsure if the trust can be rebuilt and the relationship saved. |
t3_3ba1an | relationships | My boyfriend doesnt talk to me about his health | Me 27f, him 35m, we have been dating for almost a year and live together. I feel that we are very happy. i was shredding some paperwork, reciepts, etc... and i came across a recent office visit from my boyfriend. .. we live together, i knew he went to the dr i assumed for yearly check, since he didn't mention anything, and it said depression, and he is taking medications for crohns. I'm at a loss. I'm very open with him, my depression, and what's going on me, in very self aware, i work in the medical field, not much with crohns, so I'll have to do research. But how do i go about bringing this up, should i, should i wait for him to eventually talk to me? I want to be there for him. | my boyfriend hasn't told me about some significant health issues, and i want to be there for him, but i don't know how, or if i should wait. |
t3_3old0g | tifu | TIFU by fainting at a party | Here's a lovely repressed memory from my last year of Uni.
So, context: I was pretty unhealthy throughout all of uni but my third year was probably the worst. Because of stress I'd started to hit the gym every day to expel it. On the surface that sounds like a good idea, but not when your diet contains a only pre made pasta meal every day (about 500 cal), vodka and cigarettes.
After losing about two stone in as many months I went to a mate's party and it was there where it all came to a head.
It was a pretty good party and at about 4am it was winding down. I knew I had felt a bit lighthearted earlier on but I just assumed I was a bit tired and was just the effect of smoking and alcohol.
Going upstairs for a widdle, I started to let rip but was feeling increasingly faint. Knowing the door wouldn't lock, I couldn't sit down so I tried to push the ol' peepee out as quick as possible so I could go outside and have a sit.
And thus begins the FU.
Next thing I know, I've fallen back out of the toilet onto the landing, weener in hand. I can hear people rushing up the stairs to see what had happened (they said there was a massive bang from me falling backwards).
In my completely deluded, half-conscious state, I decided I needed to hide. I rushed across the landing into a room and shut the door trying to get my shit together. Turns out someone else was in there too - one of the housemates who had gone to bed.
After an awkward "erm who are you?" I swiftly left the room (followed by him) onto the landing where a chorus of people had gathered to see wtf had gone on.
I explained what had happened and it was just as awkward as you might think. | I fainted backwards out of a bathroom with my weener in my hand and broke into someone's occupied bedroom to hide. |
t3_3btm1c | relationships | Me [18 F] with my [22 M] boyfriend. is addicted to masturbating. | Background:
My boyfriend A and I have been friends for over 2 years. We started dating a while ago. A couple months ago, we were playing a game on his phone and I went to look something up. The first thing up on the internet was porn. Not graphic, but reading material. I kinda blew it off and thought "whatever" every guy masturbates to porn.
Then, a couple days ago, I was using his phone again and I saw it again.
We started talking about it. I asked how often he does it. He said 2x a day.
Today, we were talking and I brought up how I feel it's starting to interfere with our relationship/sex life. (When we first started dating, we had sex ALL the time. Now we have it at least 3 times a week, depending on when I see him, and what's planned for the day.)
He told me that he can't just stop. That it's an addiction. He's tried getting help for it before, and it really didn't do anything for him and that it's going to take heavy therapy/rehab to break the addiction. He also said that he can lessen/stop for about 2 weeks, but then it just starts all over again.
He also mentioned that when we move in together, it'll be better/different because we'll be together all the time, versus now, we aren't. (Which I think is reasonable)
He's willing to try again if there is reasonable solution.
Any tips?
(I see a therapist, so I will mention this to her as well.) | boyfriend is addicted to masterbating, says it will get better when we move in together. I feel like he faps more than we have sex, and I'm worried. What can I do? |
t3_ujsac | self | I want my mojo back [but I don't know where it is] | So, for a bit of backstory, I am fresh out of my freshman year of college , and it was tough on me. Not academically, the classes were bullshit, but psychologically. I was a straight-A student in high school, but I ended up dropping two classes and getting a C in another this year. Since I was a small kid, I had always been energetic, friendly, witty, and all the other associative characteristics of a happy, smart kid who enjoyed his friends and his life.
Well, I've lost my moxie. I didn't make any meaningful friends this past school year. Everyone I hung out with I either knew in high school or met through someone I knew in high school. I smoked way too much pot. I totaled a car. I damaged my relationship with my parents by lying to them a lot. Basically, I went off the deep end.
I'm back home for the summer now. Reflecting on the last school year, I feel so relieved to be done with it, and eager to start taking school seriously, but I still don't feel restored. I'm still pretty shy and introverted, which was not me at all before college. My friends used to applaud me for my sense of humor, but now I feel horrifically boring and depressing.
I want to be happy again. I want to be funny. I want people to want to be around me. I want to be studious. I want to be responsible. I want to prove that I am capable of functioning in the world, but I can't do that too well during the summer break. All I can really do is work my minimum wage job and hang around my hometown.
I've thought about therapy, but I don't know if it would do any good. I don't know if it can offer what I seek. I'm not exactly depressed. I just feel like a shell of my former self. | Shell shocked by first year of college. Lost my zest for life, and I am desperate to find it again. |
t3_v7smh | AskReddit | My sister just got out of an abusive relationship and I don't know what to do. What is the best way to deal with such a situation? | My older sister (she is 20, for those interested) was in an incredibly abusive relationship with this guy for 8 months. She practically was living with him whenever classes let out and he controlled her life. He knew all of her passwords, read through all her texts, read every email. He refused to let her talk to any guys that were her friends and if she did then he would get violently jealous. There were many moments when he didn't even let her talk to ME! And I am her little sister! I am the closest person in the world to her and all I want is to help her move past this.
My aunt, cousin, and mom helped her with the break-up itself, but I really feel like it is sort of my responsibility to help her move on. We have blocked his number on every phone, I de-boyfriendized her iPad and other electronic devices so that he can't contact her and try to win her back.
...And he is going batshit crazy.
He called her 36 times, called my mom, called me, called everyone who knew her number to talk to her. His tumblr page is FILLED with "I miss you baby please come back" and honestly I am getting so scared.
Can somebody please help me? Anybody who has helped someone past an abusive relationship? Is there a method of dealing with such circumstances? | Sister just broke up with a psychopathic emotional abuser and I am not sure how to comfort her or approach the situation. Please help. |
t3_2x2w81 | relationships | Me [22 M] with my Gf [21 F] 3.5 months, how do I not get jealous about her talking to old guy friends she's been with? | We've been dating for 3.5 months now. Going into the relationship I was hesitant to officially start it because we are both graduating soon and don't know where we will end up. But I asked her out and I love spending time with her. We spend time together regularly when we're not busy with school or work. Almost everything about the relationship I can't complain about.
But I find myself getting jealous when she talks to a guys she's been with before. I understand they're still friends but it makes me uneasy. She's a very talkative person in general, when we're out she has seen them and has talked to them for a good bit and never introduced me to them. I asked her to introduce me to people when she's talking to them and she has gotten a lot better at doing that. She also carries conversation on with these guys on social media and it makes me feel the same way. Is there anything I can do to stop getting jealous or worrying about things like this? | I get jealous when my gf talks to guys she's been with before. How can I stop feeling this way? |
t3_3f91ez | relationships | Clueless 25M talking to 23F for 3 months needing help maybe need psychologist. | Sorry if I'm posting in the wrong place I'm pretty new to Reddit.
There's this lady at a local convenience store I talked to a few times and she seemed to be really into me and would start the conversation often but lately she's seemed distant. I'm very shy and waited a few weeks to ask her out after she seemed to be losing interest but she said OK and I gave her my number(was going to ask for hers but she said I could leave her mine as I fumbled to speak while reaching for my phone). It's been a few days and I suspect she has lost interest and was just being nice but I can't tell. Clearly I need more practice asking women out and need to get out more but what do you think? Is there something I can do to improve my odds of getting a date? | I'm clueless if the lady I've been having small talk with is really going to call or if she was just being nice. |
t3_1lxiwb | relationships | I[20M] am trying long distance for the first time with my girlfriend [19F] | We started dating at the end of last school year, May. It has really been going well. And I really want to make this long distance thing work.
Some of friends have tried and they say that it is too hard and in the end not worth it. I think my relationship is worth it and I just want a little advice into what kind of things I can do. Good news is that she is only 6 hours away and I can take a bus there for under $200 so I plan to visit her once or twice.
A little back story now though. My girlfriend tried long distance with her last boyfriend but they broke up after 2 weeks. She told me they were already getting close to breaking up and the distance just was the thing that was able to do it. I just don't want that happening with us.
Now me. I am trustworthy guy, but it's other people I have trouble trusting. My last girlfriend cheated on me, regretfully that isn't the reason we broke up. And my father also cheated on my mother, they were able to work things out but I just know that cheating has really had an impact on my life and I know that I would never cheat on anyone because I saw first hand how it affected our family.
I do have more trust in my girlfriend than I did in my ex but I'm just worried that if I text her and call her I'll seem obnoxiously jealous or worried all the time and I don't want that. What I don't want is her thinking that I don't trust her at all.
Example. Yesterday she texted me a picture of what she was wearing out to the frosh event and to be sexy she wasn't wearing a shirt, just a bra. And then I asked, probably killing the mood, if she was going to be wearing a shirt that night. It's things like this that I don't want to say.
Basically I want to know how to make long distance work and how to avoid coming off as overly protective. | My girlfriend and I are trying long distance. She tried once and failed. I have some trust issues but want to make long distance work without being overly protective. |
t3_3mnl1u | relationships | I [32F] am often called "nicety" or negative by coworkers and my SO [42M]. How do I come off as nicer without compromising my uncomfortableness with sharing my emotional state? | I fully admit I don't consider myself a nice "warm" person. I don't particularly like to say hello or smile to strangers as I pass them nor do I enjoy morning greetings. I live in Oregon and everyone here is constantly asking you how you are and smiling/making small talk.
I really feel uncomfortable sharing my emotional status with anyone but those who are close to me. How I am is a very personally intrusive question. I've just come to the point where I sarcastically say "Living the dream." Clearly, I'm not. I also don't like to say "great, fine, ok" when I'm not. I work on the phone all day talking to 20+ different people and have to constantly dodge this question. I personally find the thoughtlessness of this question to be rude.
My boyfriend says I'm negative and I've also heard this from my ex's. I have no desire to come off as "nice". But I certainly don't want to be mean. I feel I'm just neutral. Apparently I must be coming off wrong because I don't participate in these social norms. I've often been told I have a very east coast personality.
What can I do to not seem like a bitch but not compromise my innate personality and standing on "How are you?" from strangers? | Dislike saying good morning and answering the question "How are you?". How do I not come off as a bitch but also not have to tell my state of being? |
t3_2kg5jx | relationship_advice | Why does my brain always reminds me (male, 24yo) of only the good things in my relationship instead of the bad? | Currently I'm going through a tough moment in my relationship. We always end up in an arguement and last night I just had a bit enough of it. I simply went home (note: my girlfriend lives with her parents and I live on my own, she still studies) saying I need to think. The day after (which is today) I keep thinking about all the good things we did together, even though I know a lot of those moments together she was always grumpy... When I'm with her, I'm thinking: "pff, I should be better on my own, so I can make my own decisions, instead of always having stress making decisions, etc.", but now that I'm not with her and fear we are breaking up, I'm always thinking of the good stuff we did together (and that makes me cry :'( ). | Why does my brains always make me think of all the good parts of my relationship instead of the bad things, resulting in me wanting to be back with her? |
t3_308qjq | relationships | How can I [21M] convince my mother [56F] to allow me to move back in? | I lived with my mother until she kicked me out when I was 18. During this time I was nothing but a problem for her. I completely failed school and college (I live in Scotland, college is not university here. It's sort of like a stepping stone for those who didn't do well enough in school to go straight to university). I had major anger issues, enough for her to call the police on me at least 5 times. They would come out to the house and tell me to calm down. I hated her so much during my adolescence and on the surface she seemed to hate me too. No wonder to be honest, I'd fucking hate me too but unfortunately she wasn't big enough to whack me in the face which is exactly what I needed. I needed my dad. I was disobedient, wild, insecure and I didn't care about anything. And my mum had no control whatsoever.
Which brings me to now. I feel like the only way I'll manage to attain any sort of education is if I'm financially and mentally stable. Right now I have neither so I've planned to move back in with my mother. If I move back in with her I'll be financially comfortable because my monthly outgoings will be cut significantly. Once that happens I can begin to rebuild my dying relationship with my partner which hopefully will bring me some mental stability.
------------------
Here's my proposal:
1. I will pay for everything I use so that her outgoings will not increase.
2. I will suppress my anger, moreover I will attend therapy.
3. I will study full-time including at home and will attend college when required.
4. I will pass college.
5. I will work part-time to support myself and my lifestyle.
I have asked her before but her answer was no. I expect if I lay out my proposal that she may consider. What else should I offer? You have to understand that this is my last resort. And by last I mean ultimatum. If this falls through I won't survive myself.
**Any questions welcome. I have left a LOT out in order to be brief. | Screwed up growing up living with my mum. Lived on my own for 3 years but need to move back in for stability in order to educate/better myself. How can I convince her to allow me? |
t3_21s90u | relationships | Me (17F) with my mum (44) and her boyfriend (43). Think I may have broken them up. | So basically, my mum's boyfriend is a massive asshole. I say that, but he's not an asshole all the time; just when he's drunk. He gets drunk every weekend without fail, and most week nights too. When he's drunk he is abusive towards my mum, he calls her all sorts of names (asshole, bitch, dick) and says she needs to get a job and stop being so 'fucking boring'. My mum just puts up with it, and so far, I have too. They have been together for 9 years and it's been like this for as long as I can remember. Tonight, I finally snapped. I sat on the stairs and listened as he called her an asshole, and I just went crazy! I rushed in there and I hit him over the head, several times, told him he needs to shut up right now and get out of the house. I threw all of his clothes outside and he left. My mum cried, she said she wasn't angry at me, she was angry at him and herself. I told her she shouldn't have to put up with that and that it's not normal. She agreed but said 'I guess that's me and him over then' and said she will miss him. I know she's scared to be alone, she has 4 children (including me), 2 live 10 minutes from us so it's not like she's alone, but she says that we won't be here for her forever. Even if I did move away, I'd call her every single day and visit all the time.
Now, I just don't know what to do. Am I in the wrong here? Yeah, I know maybe I shouldn't have hit him, it was just my anger in the moment kinda took over. Should I call him tomorrow and try and patch things up for her and him? I only did this because she wouldn't. But surely being alone is better than being with somebody who is abusive and doesn't respect you, right?
Please tell me what to do right now because I'm at a loss. I know she loves him but I know she deserves better. I just don't know what to do... | My mums boyfriend is abusive towards her and I snapped and chucked him out. Don't know what to do now. |
t3_41sblt | travel | Balkans to Baltics itinerary advice [x-post from /r/solotravel] | Hey all. I'm planning on doing a trip from the Balkans to the Baltics starting from the end of November this year, hoping to end up in Berlin by about the 23rd for Christmas (so about 30+ days).
I'm a confident traveler whose looking to get a grasp of the history and culture of the places I'm visiting, as well as a peek at the diverse countrysides and a hint of nightlife here and there.
My general idea is to start in the Baltics and then head up to the Balkans - skimping a bit on Poland/Austria/Czech Republic/Slovenia on the way as I'll probably pop in again in the new year. I've had a look at some travel information on many of the places in the region, and searched this subreddit, but I'm finding it hard to get a balance between moving and staying, country and city. I know I'll have a great time if I hop from capital to captial, but I want to visit some places I might not get the chance to again if I'm passing through. It's especially hard since I'm traveling on a budget, and alone.
Currently thinking:
Sarajevo 3-5
Mostar 2
Dubrovnik 2
Split 2
Zadar 1
(Plitvice?) 1
Belgrade 2-3
Budapest 2-3
Warsaw 3-4
Vilinus 2
Riga 2
Tallinn 2-3
Overall, 23-29 days (Not including 'transport time' which will add a little under a week I'd say) | What are the best places to visit that are a little 'out of the way' in the Balkans/Baltics that's suitable for a solo traveler? |
t3_3q4vvk | tifu | TIFU by sleeping at a friends house | NSFW?
Sorry for any errors, I'm on mobile.
So, TIFU (well, yesterday) by telling my gay furry friend I would sleep round his house at the same time his boyfriend did. They both slept on the bottom of the bunk bed, I slept on the top.
Fastforward to today, I wake up at 7ish. About 20 minutes later they wake up, and all I can hear is immediate
slurping noises. Oh god. Could I have made it obvious at that point that I was awake? Probably. But being the awkward person I am, I was too spooked to even move. Friend and his boyfriend begin to growl and make animal noises. I'm about 99% sure it led to oral. At this point I really have to pee but I'm too nervous to do anything. This went on for quite a while - I eventually heard friends boyfriend mumble "maybe its one of her dark fantasies", or something along those lines. So of course I think that they know I'm awake and that I'm listening to them purposefully. I eventually said "I'm really sorry but I really have to pee" and went to the bathroom. It was the worst. | Went to a friends sleepover with his boyfriend, accidentally/not accidentally but didn't want to hear(d) them make out and have oral sex. Friend probably thinks hearing them do it was my fantasy. |
t3_408si7 | relationships | Me[22m] thinking about ex[21f] | Just needed to put this out there, if you have any suggestions or words of wisdom I would appreciate them.
About 6 months ago my gf of 6 years broke up with me. I should have seen it coming, I think I did but chose to ignore the signs as I never believed she'd actually do it. After that I was in a bad way for a month or two. Since then my life has changed and I've been with other girls, just fun nothing serious.
Recently I cannot stop thinking about my ex and I don't know why. Where things went wrong, things I should have done differently, if she's with or has been with anyone else, just everything seems to remind me of her. Even though I am only 22 I can't help but fear never meeting anyone else to have a real relationship with, not just girls in clubs, I don't even know how I would go about that anymore. I feel like this is just a phase but I can't seem to stop it no matter how hard I try.
Everything else in my life is going pretty well, my degree/ work but I just have an empty feeling. I am so tempted to contact her out of the hope that she feels the same that she made a mistake but is to proud/ embarrassed to reach out to me. But I am also scared that I'll find out that she has someone else or would see me as a weak loser for still caring after all this time. | Gf of 6 years broke up with me 6 months ago and for the past month or so she is all I think about. |
t3_12un3x | relationships | Girlfriend [21] and I [21] have been together for 8 months but I'm having trust issues from previous relationship | This is my second serious relationship, and the first one was your typical long high school relationship where you feel like you're crazy about the other person but anyone sensible knows that you're not going to end up being with the person you were with in high school. Anyway, that relationship was fairly passionate but very distrustful and was built on a poor foundation (she left her current boyfriend for me but there was a week of overlap sort of, on top of flirting with other guys). It lasted for over 2 years and I never really learned to trust her; we both were very suspicious of the other, and it was not a healthy relationship.
Fast forward to now and I've met this amazing girl who I'm really into, for the first time since I broke up with my high school girlfriend. Like any relationship it takes a bit of work; I met her while doing an exchange program in Hong Kong but now we're both back at school in California about 2 hours away from each other. I only see her on the weekends and we both miss each other a ton and talk every night. I've told her about my trust problems and she's assured me multiple times that she would never cheat on me but I still feel uneasy and anxious every time she goes out with her friends to parties or clubs. I *know* she would never do anything but it doesn't make me feel any better. To use my favorite analogy, it's like after you watch a really scary movie and you're in bed thinking about it and scaring yourself shitless - you know the movie is fake and that whatever thing is not going to get you, but that doesn't help much because the fear isn't rational. | I have an irrational an unfounded fear my girlfriend will hurt me based on a past relationship and I don't know how to move past it other than being patient |
t3_1ux6wh | relationships | Me [20/F] with my [20/M] of 8 months, did the snooping thing didn't like what I found. | Basically, me and this boy are in a sort of FWB thing but we like each other he doesnt want to commit to me though. But, we both have said that we're exclusive and we won't sleep/flirt with other people.
I went on his reddit the other day to find out his name (he keeps it a secret and I just wanted to see tbh) and clicked on messages because I got nosey and I know it was shitty of me to do. Basically, there were messages of him sending money to this girl and asking her for pictures (going on her reddit I found she just posts nude pictures) and I'm really hurt but I don't know what to do. Thing is, I'm fine if he watches porn because idc but it was the fact he messaged her asking for it and sent her money it just seems weird.
It was a really short conversation of like 10 messages but it still hurt even if it was a one time thing. | FWB (tho exclusive) messaging a girl on reddit who posts a lot of nude pictures asking her for more. Don't know how to deal. |
t3_m0pm4 | AskReddit | Fucked up big time on Midterm. Have an idea that's so crazy it just might work. | I really fucked up. This is such a bad feeling...
Basically I'm going to get an F in my Managerial Accounting class 2. We have 3 exams total in the semester. I did very poorly on the first one and went to the professors office to see if I should drop. He basically told me if I did very well on the next 2 I would get a C, and that a 60 or 70 wasn't going to cut it.
Well, for those who are familiar with the subject, the exam today was on all the different types of budgets..I.e. Sales budget, DM, DL, Production...etc. In order to do all the budgets correctly you cant fuck up on budget that comes before it. Well low and behold my sleep deprived ass fucked THE VERY FIRST One up. That section was worth 60 out of 100pts. I panicked, started sweating, even started to shake (probably the energy drink). I walked out of class and honestly felt dead inside..
The most frustrating thing about this is that I KNOW how to do budgets. I'm so desperate for a C, anyone have any ideas on how I can somehow convince my teacher to give me one more chance? I got nothing to lose.
My Idea: Send him a video. Bare with me... I'll set it up next to a whiteboard and rework my way through 10 budgets quickly and concisely while explaining it as if I were giving a presentation. That way he'll know I have a clear understanding of that material. | Failed the most important exam of the year. Thinking of emailing the teacher a video of me working through what I fucked up on, to let him know I'm very serious. |
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