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t3_2pxp26 | relationships | [23M] Despite great first dates, they don't respond back to messages/calls, need some insight on why this is happening | So this past August, I recently moved to a new city (Portland, OR) and have been off and on the dating scene since. By that, I mean some weeks I'll be content with being single and not really wanting a woman's affection and other weeks my MO going out is to meet a girl to hopefully start a relationship with (not just a hookup, an _actual_ relationship).
Since then, I've met a total of 4 women that (based on my own opinions and observations) I felt a real connection with and had good times with on a first date. Thing is though, every single one of those women would suddenly "disappear" on me, and by that I mean they won't respond to texts or calls so any chances of a 2nd date are gone. I don't bother trying to contact them after a day; I don't want to be overbearing about it and if they actually cared, they would've contacted me back within a reasonable amount of time.
I'm really confused about all of this and need some help explaining why this is happening. It can be one of the worst feelings in the world to have met someone and the two of you both enjoyed each other's company, only to never hear from them again for reasons that you'll probably never know. The first couple of times it happened, I didn't think too much about it. But the fact that it keeps happening gives me cause for concern.
I consider myself a fairly attractive person and easy to get along with. I've been called a gentleman numerous times in the way I treat women with respect. I'm not socially awkward and I find it easy to make pleasant conversations. I keep up with good hygiene, keep a clean home, good health habits altogether (no smoking or drugs). But I feel that there's something about me that's warding away women after the first date and I honestly have no clue why. If anyone else has been down this road, any words of wisdom will truly be appreciated.
Oh, and don't throw the "other fish in the sea" thing at me. It doesn't mean much if those fish don't want seconds. | Despite really great first dates, I've been having bad luck getting 2nd dates to the point where they don't message/call back. Any clue to why this is happening? |
t3_e4bsl | AskReddit | Am I an asshole, Reddit? | I haven't been involved with any girls at my school, and I blame that on me being shy and insecure for the most part. I do hook up with girls in my home town, but I haven't had a girlfriend in years. During my senior year in high school, I became very depressed and gained a good amount of weight. I felt ugly and worthless, but it's not easy to tell people that as a guy (though it's something I go back to every time I drink a little too much).
Ever since, I haven't been able to hold down a relationship. I can never talk to girls I like, and on the rare occasion when I do, I fuck it up. So I aim low, and usually end up with several girls who would date me. Of course, I wouldn't date them because they're not attractive enough in my mind, so I enjoy the attention and hook up with them out of relationship.
I keep telling myself the cycle will end, but it hasn't. I'm quiet, but i'm stylish and funny and put off a "nice guy" aura. I like to think i'm a nice guy, but I feel bad for essentially using girls who would like to be more than friends-with-benefits. I feel if I don't stop doing this then I'll never be happy in a relationship, either being stepped on or using someone. Also I feel that if I stop, I'll be even lonelier and fall back into depression (been out for nearly a year, but this cycle always tries to drag me in).
Last year i lost 42 pounds, and i'm still losing weight. I should feel better about myself, and to some degree I do, but I don't feel "good" about how I look, I just feel "better than killing myself". I feel ugly, and I keep thinking that losing more weight will make me feel better, but the more I lose, the more I realize that it may not be my only problem. | I have low self-esteem and use women to make myself feel better. Only it doesn't work. Am I fucked up, or just an asshole? |
t3_154e17 | AskReddit | Reddit,Have you ever found someone who was mean to you in the past just to see that karma got them back for you? | Writing this now because I recently found the older sister of this guy i knew on facebook, Said guy and I used to be pretty good friends till i realized he was a spoiled little brat, anyways the kid stole my gamecube game 'Super Mario Sunshine' and refused to return it, being like 11 years old i didn't really know what to to so, I went and asked for it back , he refused. so i told his mom,(This is when i realized they were all typical Rednecks) she refused to do anything about it. finally i see the kid walking home and tackle him. he got up and ran, and i chased him home. finally we reach his house and his sister comes out and punches me in the face, I got a nose bleed and ran home crying.
I recently found her on facebook, and she's pregnant with her second kid with some guy who works at a fast food restaurant, and she didn't have the grades for a good college so she went to a community one.
she's only about 17 now . Having never received my game back. She got what was coming to her. | Older girl punches me in face as kid because her brother stole my game, Get's pregnant twice and has crappy education. |
t3_jx3b7 | AskReddit | Roommate Situation | Ok so here it goes, I'm a freshmen in college and I just moved in a few days ago. When I moved in I met my roommate for the first time. He seemed cool and we got along well. the first night when I returned from the gym, he had a bunch of random people I've never seen before but I naturally assumed they were just there to hangout. They werent. They came to go with my roommate to smoke weed. That caught me a little off guard just because it was the first night. Just to clarify I dont smoke but i dont mind if people do. The next day i return from the gym again and more new people in the room! I assumed they were there to go smoke again but i was only half right he was selling to them. This made me uncomfortable. Enough to make me think about switching rooms. However tonight was a game changer, he came in with two more people ive never seen. They proceeded to snort some white substance and leave me in the room. it was extremely awkward. My question to you guys is how can I change rooms without ratting on him. In my school you need to have a good reason to switch, I cant just say we have personalities etc. Also if he gets busted with me in the room im fucked. so i need to get out of this. | my roomate starting dealing weed on the 2nd day of school now hes getting into really hard stuff. I'm worried that if he gets busted i could go down to. I need some tips on how I can get out of this |
t3_2ndehn | relationships | Me [32/F] with my Mom [56/F], who told my sister [26/F] she wouldn't accept my kids as her grandkids ('cause I'm gay). | My mother is a very religious (born-again/speaking-in-tongues type) Christian. I've known since I came out that she was very against me being gay. I used to get emails on a regular basis trying to convert/convince me that I wasn't going to go to heaven. She gave that up on the quite a while ago because those exchanges usually ended in debates and hurt feelings - so I recently haven't given her anti-gay tendencies much thought. Day to day, our long distance relationship has been fine - shallow - but fine.
I'm a relationship with an awesome woman now, and family and kids and a future together are in the realm of possibility, and broaching this subject with my mom is... kind of a big concern. I'm a bit scared about how she will react, even more so after a conversation with my younger sister. She revealed that my Mom boycotts Disneyland because they have "Gay Days", and after I admitted I was kind of surprised that Mom would take it to that level, my sister told me that my Mom had confided that she wouldn't accept my kids as her grandchildren, were I to have them.
I don't know exactly when this was said, or in what context, but obviously is pretty disconcerting, and I'm having a hard time not thinking about it. I don't know if it's worth bringing up with my Mom, I don't know if she still feels that way. Should I ask her? Clarify with my sister? Should I wait 'til after the holidays? Should I just suck it up, go on with my life, and just tell her when I/my partner is trying to get preggo, and be prepared for her to respond negatively?
Any input is welcome... | My Mom told my sister she wouldn't accept my/my partner's kids as her grandkids, 'cause we gay. |
t3_2qosue | relationships | Insecure in relationship with my girlfriend [20F] and with myself [22M] | Dating an incredible girl for 5 months now. She's not out of my league, we're both about equal social status and direction of life.
But, I am incredibly insecure about it any I can't pinpoint why. I have yet to let insecurities affect the relationship, but I know in time they will so I want to get to the bottom of it.
We have both had similar amounts of sexual experiences in the past, but anytime I hear about hers I get anxious. I know it's not fair because I have my own, so I will never bring it up with her.
Whenever guys hit on her I get a little anxious, not much though because I know my worth. I am a good catch im aware of that. But I still get anxious. Even after she leaves my house, literally minutes after, I get anxious and worried that I said something wrong when we hung out and she got upset about it. Its borderline paralyzing and it almost makes me want to cry (what kind of man am I!?!).
With all this being said, I keep it to myself because I know it's irrational and it's just my mind jumping to many, many conclusions that aren't real.
I do not want to let it destroy my relationship so I am asking how to improve this issue. Should I bring it up with my girlfriend (likely not an option) or conquer these demons myself? The odd part is, in every other aspect of my life (jobs, school, friends) im pretty good with dealing with stresses and my worries are reasonable, but in relationship, I get way too attached and it's a daily battle to keep it to myself and hidden. | I'm aware my anxiety in relationships is irrational, but I want to address it (not with her) and get to the bottom of it before it destroys my relationship. |
t3_18b5c3 | loseit | HUGE SV - Still a long way to go | Hello R/Loseit, I have been lurking through this subreddit for about a month and using all these posts as motivation and inspiration for myself. I stepped on the scale this morning for my bi-weekly weigh in and couldn't believe my eyes! I even had to move it to a few other hard surfaces just to make sure that the scale was working ok! A little back ground about myself, I am a 26yo 6'3 male, SW was 350+, after 2 weeks I was down to 344, and this morning I weighed in at 333. I have a goal of getting down to 235, so I still have a long way to go. To give you an idea of what I'm doing, I decided to do the couch to 5k and am up to 2.5 miles a day, I'm starting week 5 today! I try and exercise everyday whether it's a lighter workout or playing some basketball. I started to see a nutrionist and she gave me a meal plan that has basically been 1/2 plate of protein 1/2 plate of carbs for breakfast. For lunch and dinner it's 1/2 plate of veggies, 1/4 plate of protein, 1/4 plate of carbs. I haven't really been counting calories. When I snack in between meals, I usually have a muscle milk light and some fruit or yogurt and another snack will be a protein bar. If I can do this than anyone can, and if they say they can't then they have no motivation or are just lazy. I decided to go on a lifestyle change and have embraced it head on. I do allow myself 1 cheat meal a week, but I try and keep it healthy to a degree! I look forward to seeing everyone elses success in the future. Lets all have a great week and rest of the month! See you in a 4 weeks to update, hopefully with progress pictures. | Really fat guy lost 17 pounds in 4 weeks through diet of a nutritionist and couch to 5k program with lighter exercising on days off. |
t3_2r9ydr | relationships | Me [18 F] with my bf [18 M] coping with jealousy! | Me and my boyfriend have been dating for a few months. He's the most amazing person ever, very smart and I know he's faithful. But he's currently visiting family and there's a female roommate involved, she keeps hitting on him! He's coming home in a few days and I know for a fact he would never do anything with her, but I get very jealous. :( He's told her he has a girlfriend and she doesn't care. He said he's going to tell his mom before he leaves so she can deal with her but how can I stop these jealous feelings? They're so annoying, even when I know he's 100% faithful. I seriously feel like going over there and cussing out this woman but I know that's not possible - she's also in her mid 20s! | Bf visiting family, female roommate keeps hitting on him. How do I cope with jealous/pissed feelings? |
t3_5128jh | relationships | Girlfriend of 4 months (20) being very serious about relationship with me (21) talking about marriage and I'm not huge on it | Hi all,
So my girlfriend keeps bringing up marriage and our future together, things like that. She sees me as the person she wants to marry in future.
Whenever she brings it up, I kinda don't want to talk about it. That's because I'm more careful about throwing it all in and right now I just want to be casual boyfriend and girlfriend having fun.
This makes her upset.
What I wanna ask is, is it really not okay for me to just not want to think about that stuff right now? I have uni and other things in my life to worry about and I just don't want to think about marrying or kids or anything like that. Is that okay or am I not as in love as I should be? | gf talking about future. I don't really think about my future with her or want to talk about it. Am I wrong? |
t3_2gco7y | relationships | Nor sure how to handle this situation. | So, I [24M] have been with this girl [21F] on and off for close to a year. She was always going back to her ex boyfriend that treated her like dirt. I finally decided enough is enough and told her the last time she came back to me that this was absolutely the last chance that she was going to be given.
As far as I know, she hasn't been talking to him or keeping in contact with him and things have finally been great between us. Except today, I was at her house and went to the bathroom. Apparently, I came out too quick and quiet because the second I said something to her, she locked her phone, but not before me seeing her on her ex ' s Facebook pictures. (God, I hate Facebook.)
I didn't call her on it and as far as I know, she doesn't think i saw anything. I just don't know how to approach the situation and that is where I need help. Should I just ask her why she's on there? Should I let it go? I'm at a loss, trying to sleep next to her, but I'm absolutely sick to my stomach. | Caught my girl on her exes Facebook picture album. Not sure how I should approach it, or if it's a non-issue. |
t3_3ttor1 | relationship_advice | I (22/F) have been dating my boyfriend (24/M) for a year and a half. My love language is quality time. Having a hard time explaining it. | Hey Reddit,
I love my boyfriend to death and I have no other real complaints about our relationship other than the fact that my love language is quality time and I do not think my boyfriend understands exactly what quality time is.
My question to you all is how can I make sense of or explain what quality time is to my boyfriend so that it makes sense?
He assumes that being in the same vicinity as me is quality time. Like while I am doing homework and he is sitting next to me playing video games that we are spending quality together. I want quality time in the sense of feeling like he really wants to hang out with me, not worrying about him ditching me for his friends if they sound like they are going to do something exciting, and taking me out on dates where it is just us. NOT with all of our other friends.
Any and all help is sooooo greatly appreciate!
___________________________________________ | My boyfriend doesn't understand what quality time is. He thinks being in the same room means that we are spending quality time together. How do I explain this in a way he understands? |
t3_4o6ui9 | relationships | Me (27f) with parents (late 50s m/f) and cousin (late 30s?m). I don't want to attend cousins wedding because of how he treated me in the past. Not sure how to bring it up with mother. | So I have a male cousin (late thirties/early forties) whom I've never liked because of how he treated me as a kid when he came to visit during the summer. He's now getting married and it's being hosted in another state (8 hour car ride, 1.5 hour by plane). I don't particularly care and didn't really plan on attending. It's in my moms side of the family so it's really me wondering how to bring it up to my mom. She never really noticed how awful he treated me and I remember a conversation where me and my two older brothers were discussing him and they agreed he was "a little shit". My mom was so surprised they thought that, she didn't even scold them on their language. Now I've gotten a bachelorette party invite and I have no plans of going. Apparently my mom is also invited. I can't make two separate trips up there for this thing but I could swing one with my work leave-- I just don't want to. And I may save my days off to do a trip up there for the holidays to see my grandparents instead since my grandad has been diagnosed with a serious illness. I also don't want to get into the details how how bad my cousin treated me so how do I just say I'm not going, I don't want to support him, and I would be fine not talking or seeing him ever again? It's bad enough I have to say civil hellos to him when I do see him at my grandparents house when I visit but I refuse to willingly subject myself to him if I can avoid it. I know my mom would take it personally cause it's her sisters kid but I'm absolutely not going to this wedding. Advice? | I refuse to go to my cousins wedding because of his past actions towards me. How do I justify it to my mom if she starts nagging me about it without getting into the nitty gritty details of why I refuse to go? |
t3_sgla0 | AskReddit | How to make a dog stop barking all night long? [specific situation included] | Hey guys and gals, quick question regarding a noisy dog:
My girlfriend and I are dog-sitting this house, and it requires us to spend the night at the house with the dogs (4 of them) for the next few weeks. We've done it before, and three of the dogs are simply amazing. However, there is a new dog who is the house owners' friend's dog. It's this curly-haired shitty little rat and quite frankly I hate it.
Let me get a few things straight, I like animals and would never intentionally harm a pet, but this middle-aged dog pushes my patience and I'm really struggling to find a solution. Beyond the fact that it's ugly, dirty, and has poor manners (i.e. jumping all over you, jumping on all the furniture, wiping its ass on the rug), it's also an attention whore. What I mean by this is that I will constantly whine and yip and bark until you play with it.
The problem really sets in when my girl and I try to sleep. It yips and whines all night long, then goes outside and barks at the cats, and then comes back inside and resumes whining and yipping. It's 1am/2:15am/3am/5am. Just shut up before I ring your neck.
Anyways, what can I do to shut the little guy up? We've tried locking it in a bedroom (it pooped in it), and are hesitant to lock it outside since we have to mind the other older dogs and their bathroom needs. To top it off, the animal is allegedly allergic to everything, so just dosing it up with Benadryl to knock it out is not an option. Any suggestions that won't take months of training? | House-sitting with an annoying dog and need to find a way to quit it from barking and whining all night long. Solutions? |
t3_21qbcj | relationship_advice | [21/m] I'm still not over her [20/f] | We met in high school. I was a severe loner and honestly never had that much socail contact with people ever. She' started talking to me first and she was the one who asked me out on the date.
We were together for two years. It was my first romantice relationship ever, and to be honest the entire time I thought she was too good for me; she was expressing similar opinions, "he's too good for me." We lost our virginity to each other, went to each other's proms and I shared a lot of my "firsts" with her: "first music concert, first dance, first date."
She went to college on the other side of the country and we tried to keep the long term relationship going. She ended the relationship (I don't want to say dumped, that's a little too harsh) a little more than a year ago, but she never told me exactly why. Despite this we have still stayed in contact and it's extremely difficult not to tell her I love her because I know that's not something she wants to hear, but the feelings are still there in the back of my mind.
She told me she's started seeing someone new recently, and at this point. Despite having invested so much time and money in school and playing music, I have had no interest in really doing anything. I have no interest in even being around people but at the same time I feel terribly alone. I have what feels like an impossible endeavor trying to make friends or dating. All the while I'm still talking to this amazing women over IM; I don't want to stop talking to her, because I know she'll still be there in my inbox.
I guess What I'm looking for is help coping and at least trying to move on.
background:
_____________________________
my social anxiety and awkwardness stem from my Asperger's. I don't like putting it out there but I feel like maybe there's someone here who'll read this and know what's going on in my head. God knows I don't. | my girlfriend of two years,of my first ever relationship, left me a little more than a year ago, and I still have trouble coping with it. |
t3_1w5yff | offmychest | My boss thinks my team is un-fit to tackle this project | Before I start I'm no big leader of a famous company were just a small and up coming indie game development company
now some background a few months ago my little team of coders/devs etc came together actually wanting to make a game
a little caught off guard with this since they do this all the time and quit a few days after but this time it was different they honestly seemed like they wanted to make a game finally
so with some crew cuts and such we picked a topic made a story and went on to develop this masterpiece of ours (in our eyes at least)
Then yesterday my boss came and said that maybe we weren't to fit for this big of a process and suggested we follow one of his ideas once he said that I got a little upset at that he had been away training to be a professional golfer and jumps in for a brief moment to tell us that we can't do it we'll show him! | Boss comes out of hiding for 3 weeks and says we lack the skills to make such a huge game I plan on proving him wrong |
t3_1txqsa | relationship_advice | [23/m] my girldfriend (23/f) asked for a break, to cool off, but stuff got wierd. | Since i can't talk about it to anyone in RL so i am asking here. I will start with some background.
We are together for 4 something years and we had a good time and we spent most of that time together with not many alone time (which neither of us minded). But lately things got little cold, and i found out that she has been thinking of taking a little break just to get some space. So i agreed to the break but told her if she sleeps with someone it's over. I know we are technically on break, but that is just deal breaker for me. For a week we didn't have much contact, but through a mutual friend i found out that she is thinking of sleeping with this other guy, and they are making some plans already. Normally i'm rational person, but something inside of me went crazy and i logged onto her FB where i basically confirmed what my friend told me. After some cool off time i decided to ask her about her plans and if she is planning to sleep with someone. I asked because if she really wants to do this, i must start getting over her. When we talked i didn't tell her about the facebook stalking for obvious reasons, but just flat out asked if she is planning or wants to do someone else. Now here is the problem she denied it all, and i wussed out and didn't tell her that i know she is lying. Than we talked about some generic stuff and agreed to talk in a week to decide wether we want to continue together or not. And now all i can do is think about her sleeping with this other guy and it kills me. Normally i am rational, logic person but now i am kinda going crazy. All help or suggestions are wellcomed, and thanks to whomever reads this. | GF asked for a break. I told her that if she sleeps with someone we are done. Found out she is making plans. Asked her about it.She is denying it. I am going crazy |
t3_23rr7v | relationships | Me [26M] with my [22 F] of 1 months, is still in contact with hew FWB. Is this a red flag? | I started dating this girl in January and due to some differences we broke up after two months. About a month ago, we realized how stupid we acted and decided to get back together. We've been dating for 1 month now and the thing that bothers me, is that she messages her FWB a lot. She had a FWB before we started dating. I found that out from her room mate. I didn't go through her phone but I can see every now and then there would be a message popping up from him. We haven't had the exclusivity talk yet. So is this a red flag or am I thinking too much about it? | Dating a girl and she still contacts her old FWB. Is this a red flag? Could there be something going on between them? |
t3_3dws99 | relationships | [Infidelity] I'm [21M] bothered by my girlfriend [20F] always hanging out with guys alone and something strange happened today | I've only been in one other relationship and I have no idea how to handle this. We've been together for 6 months and lately she's been hanging out with guys alone.
The first time she wanted to go see a movie alone with a guy because he was going out of town and they were good friends from highschool. Furthermore, she made a few comments about how she would flirt with a guy for free stuff even though we're together. She later said that she was kidding, but I feel that she probably only said this after seeing that I was bothered by her saying that.
Fast-forward to today and she was doing a project with a guy but had the choice to do it alone. I didn't think anything of it until she cancelled hanging out with me and then calls me later telling me she just got home. What gets weirder is that she has a slip of the tongue on the phone and mentions how the guy was the one that had dropped her off. | girlfriend is hanging out with guys alone. Not sure if some of the things shes doing should be raising red flags or if I'm just paranoid. |
t3_3allmv | relationships | My girlfriend of almost 3 years (24f) just left me (26m) after discovering a flirty text between myself and a female coworker, she's accusing me of cheating. | Thank you to anyone who takes the time to reply, last night, after discovering a flirty text conversation between myself and a female coworker, my girlfriend accused me of cheating and left, saying there was nothing I could say to defend myself, I did not have any physical contact with this coworker at all, nor would I ever. No pictures were exchanged or anything like that.
I understand that my conversation was inappropriate and have ceased contact with this other person 2 days before my girlfriend saw the messages, but I feel she may be overreacting, I know I would be upset too but after all we've been through I know we could at least talk about it.
I apologize for rambling, but I'm lost.. Does she just need time to cool down? Was she just looking for an excuse to leave? | girlfriend of 3 years left after finding a flirty conversation i had with another woman, accused me of cheating and doesn't believe that I had no physical relationship with this other person. How do i proceed? |
t3_pj6zh | BreakUps | Girlfriend breaks up with me to be with one of my best friends. | My girlfriend of over a year (we also dated in high school for nine months, with over a year in between where we dated other people) just broke up with me. She is 19, I am 20. She says she still loves me, but that she wants to instead be with a friend I've known since I was in primary school with him.
This is completely out of character for her. She has never violated my trust before, then suddenly she tells me that she's been kissing my friend and wants to be with him instead. For the last year I have been trying to be extremely supportive and good to her, as she is currently suffering from depression, is failing at uni, and just started a course of anti-depressants in the past couple of months.
I have never violated her trust or done anything wrong to her that I can think of whatsoever. She has never done wrong by me in this relationship, and she makes me happy when ever I talk to her or when ever she is around. I don't know why she has done this, it isn't consistent with her prior actions in the slightest. She has been the best part of my life and I would have done anything for her.
I am lacking in friends, and this break up has left me without two of my best friends and the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I don't know how to cope with this. I feel betrayed and hurt. The fact that they have done this to me makes me feel like I am worthless. Days ago I worshiped her, now she has treated me like we had nothing, discarding someone she has a year of intimacy with for someone she has never been with. I don't know what I want to do with the rest of my life now. | Girlfriend dumps me for some asshole who happened to be one of my best friends. Don't know what to do with my life, or to continue it at all. |
t3_2iov4f | personalfinance | Small Cap Investing | Hello /r/personalfinance
I recently started investing in a ROTH IRA. I am a 23 years old poor college student that intends to max out his IRA this year (for all those wondering how, 100 dollars every week and a little extra after christmas will get you there, you can be poor and invest).
I have read a few books on the reading list and am currently reading "Boglehaeds Guide to Investing" and am trying to take this all in and formulate a plan. I am a finance and accounting double major and in all my finance classes, as I am sure you are all aware the small cap funds are always the bench mark for the high end of performance over a long period of time. My point is that I believe that I should invest in mainly small cap equity right? I understand diversification and having foreign stocks as well as bonds to temper volatility(obviously limited given my time horizon), but what I am asking about is the funds that will help me.
I have most of my money currently in the S&P 500 which is all large so I plan on switching. I have looked into the Vanguard Total Stock Fund (VTSMX) but that also holds a large amount of large cap stocks. The Wilshire 5000 was recommended in the Suze Orman book on the list of reading. The wilshire is all the actively publicly traded stocks in the U.S. Is this a good mix for someone that is looking to be a passive investor with an aggressive strategy or should I adjust my portfolio to contain a small cap fund and maybe the S&P in a ratio that fits my risk tolerance? | What should a young man do with the domestic equity portion of his portfolio, Total stock funds? Small Cap funds? A mix? What would you do? |
t3_2zeykz | relationships | Me [21 M] with my good friend [20 F] 21st birthday party invite snub | This might be petty to some, but please hear me out:
It has come to my attention that someone who I would have considered one of my best friends freshman year of college (yes I am attracted to her romantically) is having her 21st birthday party soon and I have not been invited. We have not been as close recently but she still usually invites me to her parties. The annoying thing is that she invited my roommate and close friend who is not even really friends with her and she has even told me that she doesn't like him. Of course he is telling my other roommates he is going and he even joked about it earlier how he is going and I am not. (he's a bit of an asshole sometimes)
At her last party I was too drunk and I became aggressive and even pushed her according to my friends the next morning (I didn't remember this). This was horrifying to me because I would never do something like that sober and I am generally very kind and gentle. I of course apologized to her profusely afterwards via text because I don't see her in person often anymore. Since then I have even given up drinking because it makes me act like a bit of an asshole and I am better off without it.
So partly my theory is that she thinks if I went I would be drunk and acting like a jerk and she doesn't want to be embarrassed again. I am tempted to try texting her and seeing where that goes but I am just very hurt by this (although she can be a bitch sometimes so I am not completely surprised) because (sorry for the sob story) I don't really have too many friends anymore as I have lost a lot due to my anxiety problems reconnecting with people. | got drunk, pushed a friend, apologized, quit drinking unbeknownst to friend, not invited to friend's birthday party, roommate who is barely friends with friend invited though. Pissed |
t3_30m5ek | relationships | I [18F] am nervous about coming out to my parents about my [24M] boyfriend that has a child. | Some background: Me and my boyfriend met at work a little over a year ago when I was 17 and he was 23, we pursued a relationship in September, and I have been hiding it all of this time. I just turned 18 about a month ago.
Now that I am 18 I would like to tell my family about my relationship and have them involved; I have already met a great deal of his family and spend a lot of time with them.
He is absolutely wonderful, and we get along very well. The catch? Well, he has a 2 year old child from his previous marriage. He gets her about every few months with a weekend or two scattered here and there. She currently doesn't live near us, and primarily stays with the ex-wife and her new husband. I am nervous to tell my parents this, because I feel like it will change how they see him, and possibly cause them to reject our relationship.
Redditors, do you have any advice for how to break this to them? | I am going to tell my parents about my boyfriend and I don't know how to explain to them that he has a child. |
t3_41jnnb | relationships | [Update] My best friend of 20 years blocked me for talking to his ex girlfriend. Thinks I'm making a pass at her. | Original Thread:
Wow. **WOW.** he sent me a text this morning to the effect that I had a "history" of being attracted to his girlfriends (I do not) and that he sees too much of a coincidence that I was talking about a past relationship that I had with a girlfriend who happened to be blonde. Two guesses what K's hair colour is. So, because of the timing of my message (2 days after that) I'm apparently making a pass at K, and he's mad at both of us and my wife. He blocked my wife because she has a "tendency to act as a mouthpiece for me".
Reddit, I don't even. This is so wacky and out of left field. | Best friend of 20 years is no longer talking to me because he believes I'm trying to have sex with his ex girlfriend and has blocked all evidence to the contrary. |
t3_225ziz | AskDocs | Shooting muscle spasm feeling pain in little toe and back of calf. | I came home from work and all of a sudden I had this shooting pain in my left foot little toe. When I say shooting pain, it makes my leg move the pain hurts so bad, but it only does this for a few seconds every 15 minutes or so. It feels like an internal spasm but the pain burns on the outside. Almost like it is something to do with the nerve endings. I have not had any trauma to my toe, did not stub it or bang it on anything that I can recall. It is extremely sensitive to the touch, when I touched my toe, I took note that it is most sensitive above the cuticle area of the toe, and when I run my hand up my leg there is a spot in the middle of the back of my calf that has the same sensitivity only when the skin is touched. I am waiting for health insurance or I would have just made a dr. appointment. However, the pains are so bad, I have been asleep for 2 hrs and have been dreaming about them and even woke up from it several times. HELP, What could this be? Any help or suggestion would be great | toe has sudden shooting pain with skin burning sensitivity to the touch. pain wakes me up, last few second comes back every 15 minutes to half hour. Skin sensitivity on middle center calf upon touch as well. |
t3_4mim0v | relationships | so everything is awkward | So my boyfriend (26/m)and I(27/f) have been dating for over a year now and we have had our ups and downs as any relationship. There's just one little thing that keeps occurring to me and bothering me that i can't get over.
We both have friends of both genders, he has a chick best friend who has been nothing but nice and sweet and I get along with her well. The same goes on my side, I have male friends that he now hangs out with even without me which is awesome.
So I met his mom a while back and have since gotten to know her and she's nice to me and she's sweet and I feel like we get along well. He's also the baby of the family and a little bit of a mamas boy.
The only awkward thing that happened is, well when we first started seeing each other it was casual and he had mentioned one drunken night where he and his female best friend had slept together. This was years ago and doesn't bother me. She's in a happy relationship now. He said his mom wanted the two of them to be a relationship because she gets along with her so well.
His mother is friends with myself and his female best friend on Facebook. She posts pictures of herself as anyone does on social media and his mom is constantly liking all her pictures and commenting how beautiful she is alllllllllll the time. Every picture. It's like she still wants to push the idea of them dating onto them even though she is happy with her boyfriend and my boyfriend and I are happy. I feel like it's becoming an awkward strain on our relationship because everytime we all go to her house or see her, she seems to make a huge deal out of how happy she is to see his best friend and merely gives me pleasantries when we're both present.
I've tried discussing it with my boyfriend and he thinks I'm overthinking it. What do you guys think? | my boyfriends mom seems hung on the idea of him dating his female best friend even though she and I are both happy in our relationships and its awkward. |
t3_2uapw0 | offmychest | My younger brother is overly attached to our mother, I am afraid he has some Oedipus complex. | My younger brother (recently turned 15) is overly attached to our mother. He recently grew taller and he looks very similar to my dad. He isn't taller than me (19), but I think he will outgrow me in few months.
There have always been signs, though it has gotten seriously worse in past year. He was laying next to her on the couch and gently **fondling her leg** while we were watching some movie etc. She felt uncomfortable about it a bit.
Now, she calls her *cutie* and *sunshine* (trying to find English equivalents for words said). He also **lisps** when talking to her or about her. She seems to ignore his behaviour now. He feeds her food sometimes. He uses same words like our father, same gestures. Weird. I sometimes feel like living in a family with 3 parents.
Come on, he is 15! He is supposed to look under skirts of his classgirls and rebel against parents! Everything he's doing is begging for new lego and bugger me about not doing chores.
Some additional info: He used to wear **dress** when he was like 5 for few months. He was saying he's a princess. Does it have anything in common?
He is also a little douchebag in general. Our uncles (30-40 years) are small and he likes to stand in front of them straight to show them how tall and nice youg man he is becoming. | My brother is overly attached to his mother, he calls her *cutie* and lisps. More info in text. |
t3_2158gw | personalfinance | Wife and I want to save 20% of our gross income for retirement - does it matter how we allocate this between the two of us? | As the title states, my wife and I want to save 20% of our gross income for retirement, not including any employer match contributions. Combined we make $140K - I make $77K and she makes $63K. Here is our current breakdown:
-- I contribute 7% to my 401k to get my full employer match. 7% of 77,000 is $5,390, or 3.85% of our total $140K gross.
-- My wife contributes 2% to her 401k to get her full employer match. 2% of $64,000 is $1,280, or 0.91% of our total $140K gross.
-- We both max out Roth IRAs, $11,000 - this is 7.86% of our gross.
-- I max out my HSA. Max contributions allowed per year are $6,550, but my employer contributes $1,000 each year and I don't want to include employer contributions in this number. So, $5,550 - this is 3.96% of our gross.
Adding all of these percentages together, we are currently contributing 16.58% of our gross to retirement, so we need another 4%. The obvious answer is to increase contributions to our 401ks. Here's where my question comes into play: my 401k is fantastic, it has an excellent fund lineup with a ton of low expense ratio Fidelity Spartan funds. My wife's plan is horrible - limited fund choices, and the only fund with an ER below 0.4 is a bond index fund, everything else is higher and the target date funds are astronomical (1.25ish).
Since my 401k is so much better, should I just increase my contributions to my 401K to get us to 20% savings? My wife has expresses concerns that she (on an individual level) is not contributing enough for retirement, but we share all of our finances, so I figured retirement wouldn't be any different. She's listed as beneficiary on all of my accounts in the event of my death, and if we get divorced (very unlikely, but should be considered) I assume we would just end up splitting everything. | when saving for retirement as a married couple, does it matter if the savings rate is skewed towards one spouse? Is there any risk for the other spouse that is not contributing as much? |
t3_ok7vs | self | Telling parents about social anxiety disorder? | I'm 15 years old and I've been reading up on social anxiety disorder. In school, whenever I even so much as think about a question, my heart rate goes up at least twofold. With that comes along trembling and slight lightheadedness. Whenever partners are assigned in class, I usually end up mumbling in a low voice when I have to address them.
My parents used to take me to a psychiatrist because of my inability to make friends, but I feel that's done more harm than good, so I quit going after about 6 months. I have about 3 friends now and can talk to them reasonable well, but making me talk to other people is like a train wreck waiting to happen. I just don't think I'll be able to progress much socially without this being addressed properly.
Now here's where my problem really lies... My parents are completely against any type of medication. They 100% believe that vaccines are the root of all evil and cursed be the person to tell them otherwise. Obviously the treatment of social anxiety disorder doesn't involve any vaccines, but the point is that they think any kind of person involved in the medical field is a direct relative to the devil.
This question is also on yahoo answers atm, but *surprise!* there's no relative answers.
I'd like to fix this social problem while I'm still an adolescent so that this disorder doesn't carry on into my adulthood. | How do I get my doctor-hating parents to help with my social anxiety disorder. Try to be as specific as possible (I'm not good in social situations :P) |
t3_1pu2jt | relationships | Does she (26F) like me (25F)? | Hey guys, I've hung out a few times with this girl I recently met, and am really starting to dig her. I'm not sure if the feeling is mutual.
Some pros:
1. After first date, she agreed to meet again, said it was great getting to know me. Invited me to her party where I met lots of her friends.
2.At the party she seemed to go out of her way to sit near me or include me in conversations. A couple times I was talking to a few people and she came over to the group to chat.
3.We kissed goodnight after she drove me home because I was too drunk to drive.
4.I asked her to dinner today but she couldn't, and proposed sometime later this week.
5.After the party and everyone had left, she invited me to stay for a little while longer to talk by her bonfire.
The ONLY con is that she takes a long time, and sometimes doesn't reply to my texts/FB messages. We're both busy but I know that kind of thing doesn't take long. Is she just playing hard to get? I'm quite the opposite, if I'm into you, I want to talk to you all the time. Are some girls not this way. Should I lay back a bit or do you think she likes being chased?
Thank you guys SO MUCH | Into this girl, not sure if she likes me. All signs point to yes except that she is slow to text or doesn't respond at all. |
t3_3e47jy | relationships | Me [17 F] with my boyfriend [18 M] 3 months, My boyfriend is becoming depressed, and I don't know how to help. | My boyfriend and I have only been dating for approximately 3 months, but we've been good friends for over 2 years. I know from the past, while being in a platonic relationship with him, that he gets into these somewhat depressed states (lasting anywhere from a few days to a couple months). In the past (before we were dating) he used to get into these states of mind mostly because he believed that he was never going to find love and was going to die alone and yaddayadda.
Now, he's becoming upset because he is going to leave for college (about 5,000 miles away) in less than a month, and with that he's not only leaving me behind but also his friends and family. With being upset about that he is also worried about not being independent enough to live on his own and whether or not he will be able to handle college life in general (he's going to a prestigious ivy league and is afraid he won't be able to measure up).
I keep asking him if he's okay and trying to help, but he keeps reassuring me that he'll be fine. As far as I can see, there's nothing I can do to lift up his spirits or help him out. Keep in mind this just started about a week or two ago, but I'm still insanely worried about him.
I also do not plan on ending the relationship because of it, I just would like some advice on what to do to help him out. His family also isn't able to afford therapy at this time. | My boyfriend of 3 months is falling into a slight depression about leaving for college in about a month; how can I help? |
t3_uz99i | AskReddit | whats the most severe thing you've ever discovered incidentally while looking for something completely unrelated. | when i was 8 I was playing basketball and tweaked my ankle really bad to the point where it couldn't support any weight. We go to the hospital and they Xray the ankle/foot area and find no broken bones or anything, but they did find a calcaneal unicameral bone cyst (bone cyst in the heel), which is a very uncommon place to have it, I was one of like 3 cases seen in the entire country that year. The doctors figured it had been there for a few years because it was large enough where the doctors thought my heel would collapse in the near future becuase the bone was "as thin as an eggshell" after which I probably have had to undergo massive reconstruction surgeries and probably would have never walked normally again.
Fast forward a few months, they put a big needle in my heel, sucked out the stuff that makes a cyst a cyst and injected my heel with someone elses bone marrow or something to make the bone grow. Within a year i was fully heeled and back to life as normal. the only evidence that it was ever there is that whenever that heel is on an X ray (broke my ankle a year ago) it looks like there are a bunch of holes in it, the radiologist and ER doctors had a hilarious look of confusion/terror on their face when they came to ask me about it. | If I hadn't had sprained my ankle and got an Xray, my heel would have randomly collapsed on me at some point in my childhood and I would never be able to walk normally again. |
t3_lyhgz | AskReddit | Reddit, My parents think I'm talking to a "psycho" that I met online in a chat room. Which one of us is being irrational here? | So I met this girl online in one of the various popular chat rooms on this magical land of the "internet" and since I met her (Known her for about three weeks) we have Skyped quite a bit and text frequently. Now, this girl and I were just friends because at the time we met I had a girlfriend of 8 months. Now, I made the mistake of not telling my gf about her because I didnt want to freak her out. I had been planning on breaking up with her for awhile anyway. Me and this girl hadn't done anything wrong while I was in a relationship to make me seem like a dick. Now, to put this simply, I told someone about this girl. He tells (now ex-) girlfriend after we break up. She hates my guts. Parents find out about the new girl. Parents seem fine at first and gradually the more we text ( My mom looks at my phone bills to see when and how often I text) the more feelings we start to have for each other and my parents seem to get more suspicious about this girl. It has been twice now that my father has come upstairs to tell me that nothing good can come out of it and that I should end it. I advise him that I am a grown boy and can handle my self in situations like these and that nothing bad can come out of it either. My mom is worried that I dont know if this girl is a psycho and is worried something bad will happen. I tell them that this is a completely different generation from theirs and they need to understand that. They still want me to stop talking to this girl. | Met a girl online, parents dont seem to think its a good idea to keep talking to her. I say otherwise. |
t3_qneey | relationship_advice | Boyfriend still friends with his ex who cheated on him? | I don't know how to deal with it.
They dated for about 4-5 years and she ended up cheating on him with some shady guy, and really broke his heart.
Then he told me they hooked up a little while after that, and then he eventually stopped the year before we started dating.
What concerns me is she's very hostile when they talk to each other.. As if he was the one that was at fault for their break up. She talks to him as if she wants to be with him (and at the beginning of our relationship, she actually made verbal ADVANCES toward him). She still behaves as if she likes him.
He states he forgives people for their wrongdoings, because everyone should be forgiven, just not forgotten. He states that being nice to her is his way of "killing her with kindness," and I view it as his way to cope with what she did to him. But she brings up so many little conflicts, it seems like it takes more energy to talk to her than it does disconnecting her from his life completely.
What I don't understand is why he still wants to be friends with her if she is constantly passive aggressive, and he complains to me about it when she says ridiculous things. All I can think is, "Then don't fucking talk to her," But I'm not going to tell him that he can't talk to somebody... I feel like it's not fair for me to control him like that.
We've talked about it a few times now, and he assures me that he will never be with her again, etc. But I can't tell if he's just saying that to make me feel better. I know I have a minor trust issue, because of my past relationships, but the whole situation makes me really uncomfortable and frankly, pretty angry. I want to trust him to my fullest when he talks/hangs out with her, but I just feel really unsure about it all.
We've been dating a year and I love him dearly. I don't think I could ever find anyone that suits me better. I just don't know what to do about it. | boyfriend still wants to be friends with his ex gf of 5 years, even though she is a passive aggressive, disrespectful person, who consistently show signs of still liking him, and I don't understand it. |
t3_2cz98q | relationship_advice | [28/m] Pursue->Catch->Release - Not ready? Too picky? Or something else? | Hi everyone.
So. I have a problem. A girl gains my attention. I pursue. I gain her attention. Soon enough I look for problems and lose all interest.... until months later and I think "damn. Why didn't I go for her?" It is almost as though I only want the chase. But I actually do want to be in a relationship. Almost as though I take it way too seriously and think "better stop now before this gets too serious".
I am self-aware enough to know that I do this, that it is a problem and that I need to grow up... but damned if I know how to change. (And believe me, I want to change this).
A little background information. You can decide how relevant or irrelevant it is.
I grew up an overweight kid. I was overweight until my early twenties, when I dropped down a considerable amount. At present I am in quite good shape, but still have hang ups about my physique. Any feelings of inadequacy would end there (ie. I am confident in other aspects of my life).
I am surrounded by divorce, and for some time believed I was doomed because of this. Now I strongly believe that everyone makes their own choices in life and takes responsibility for those choices. (So I don't think this is relevant to my current predicament, but you may disagree).
I haven't been in any 'serious' relationships. Kind of because of this. The closest to in recent years I feel I sabotaged... and I still regret it. But then, if I was by some miracle able to get a second chance, I really don't know if it would be any different! (Just to be clear though, I don't think I could get that second chance...) | I like a girl until she likes me, then I start to turn off her. Don't like this, and perhaps if I better understood why then I could change it. |
t3_36i2aq | relationships | Me [23M] fell for a girl [22F] 3 days before I move home for good. | I just graduated college on Saturday (wohoo!) and I'll be moving back home which is about 5 hours away. The problem is that 3 days ago my friend set me up with a girl that I've had a crush on for a long time. It turned out she liked me also and we finally got to hangout and hit it off really well. These last 3 days we've slept over at each others place and hung out every day but now I'm moving home for good in just a couple hours. Last night I spent the night at her place and she kept telling me not leave but she knows I have to. I don't know if I should try to do a long distance relationship (had a horrible experience in the past). We even talked about it for a minute last night and both agreed long distance doesn't work well. She at least has another year up here but is from a city very close to my home. Should I pursue this at all or should I just wait for a later date and enjoy my time. | I found out the girl of my dreams likes me 3 days ago and now I'm moving 5 hours away. She lives fairly close to where I'm moving back but still has another year of college. |
t3_2pynwu | relationships | Me [23 F] with my spouse[23 M] been married 5 years. I want out he does not. | Its hard to write this but idk what else to do. We met at 17 and where married by 18 our first few years where rough. He was in the military and always gone and I was young a niave.
I wanted a divorce and knew I made a mistake almost as soon as I moved in with him, but I was stubborn and insisted that I could make it work. No matter what he did I stayed. He could not handle the military and every time I mentioned leaving he talked about needing me and how he would kill himself or others if I left him.
When he got out I wanted to leave so badly but I knew he needed help and I am a caregiver at heart. He did what ever he wanted and if I fought him I was a bitch, or psycho ( two things I am terrified of being and he knows this) eventully I went numb stoped asking for things afraid to go against him because it would cause two or three days of emotional beating. (He calls it debating)
For some reason I woke up one day and knew I had to get out. I don't like him as a human I dont love him I am not sexualy attracted to him and all though I could make it work. I know more than anything that I want out, the thought of staying with him makes me sick I can not do it. I told him I was going to leave and ever since he has had non stop crying a telling me he will do anything for me to stay and calling me a liar for not telling him sooner. Because he is too old to restart in his opinion. I don't want to hurt him or screw him over but where do his needs stop and my begin? Do I try to work it out because I took 5 years of his life? I have the resources to leave do I do it? | I want out, he does not. How to I go about this? (Sorry for the mess, I am all over the place) |
t3_10ey91 | AskReddit | How did you deal with a drug addict? | I want to know if any of you have ever dealt with someone close to you or someone you care about deeply getting into drugs. Specifically heroin.
My ex [M] who I dated for four years and broke up with six months ago, I recently found out has been using heroin. He called me from jail yesterday to tell me about getting arrested for a "missed court date," and to tell me that he has himself figured out now and wants to at least be able to talk to me. I don't believe him and have no plans to get back with him, especially now. He asked me to call his family and tell them to not bail him out. When I called his mom to tell her, she told me, "I think he has gotten into heroin." I also found out on the jail website that he was arrested for failure to stay at the scene of an accident (probably because he was high.) His friend (who was the one who got him into it) told her that she needs to leave him in there because that was the reason he no longer wanted to use it, so he definitely has been using it. When I heard the news, it crushed me. I want to be able to do something for him, but I don't want the drugs around me, nor do I want any of the normal emotions from him, let alone the emotions of a drug addict. He lied to me when we were together and I can't even guarantee he will try to stop the drugs. I'm afraid that if I do try to help, he will just use that to attempt to get close to me again and lie about heroin. I want to help, however, because I know he has a lot of potential and I want him to be able to succeed and be happy. But I don't want to try helping and then get dragged down into an extremely stressful situation.
My question to you is if you have ever been in a situation like this, how did you help the person without getting yourself too involved? Or have any of you been in this situation and decided it was better to let them go down without trying to help them? | Found out ex has been using heroin, I want to help, but I don't know how to go about it or if it would even be a good idea. |
t3_o8dsl | AskReddit | What is an event in your life that happened that just seemed to have the worst timing ever? Recent Example follows | So I've been dating this girl for a while and it has been going well. We went out to eat and I got sick from the food last night. The plan for the next day was for me to attend her church with her (Sunday school, meet friends, the works) so I spend the night.
I obiviously couldn't go to church the next morning as I had been up with the sickness but I tell her she should go anyway because she wants to get re-involved with the church. As I'm laying in bed, she comes back into the room and says the words that start every break up ever, "We need to talk."
In bed with a fever and shitting my earwax out every 10-15 minutes, I tell her I understand but I am in no way to talk about it right now. I also ask if i can stay in bed til she gets back from church hoping that I would feel at least well enough to talk about the breakup.
Fast forward a few hours of me sleeping/shitting/burping/almostthrowingup and i get up and realize its 2 o clock. I go to get a thermometer and see that I have a temperature. I text her letting her know. Her response is, "Not to be rude but you should go home cause I don't want the kids to get sick."
I laughed and packed my stuff to go home. | Got sick with the runs (it is a flu now), girl breaks up with me right before she heads to church. Hours later, I have a fever and a hilarious text from ex-gf |
t3_2pol7d | tifu | TIFU By Not Putting The Phone Down Correctly. | Reddit. Dear, dear Reddit. Today i fucked up.
I work in administration, i have many calls daily. However today i let the Darwin Disaster of 'Auto Pilot' take over. I was asked by a customer to be put through to their sales representative, which just rang out endlessly. I pressed the disconnect button, only to then go onto auto pilot. I had cancelled the call to patch them through, which sent me back into the original call.
I then proceeded to ramble on to my manager about how annoying the customers demands are, how useless they are and all sorts of inadvisable comments (not my usual MO, but my gosh you haven't had to listen to them every day for 3 years). And they sat and listened. This was a huge customer, £8m per year budget huge. I am currently unaware if they heard my name upon taking the call, or how this is being handled. The only thing i do know Reddit, is i fucked up. Dearly. | Thought i put phone down, didn't. Many insults were had, scraped away with a final written warning as it was Christmas |
t3_3dcmoi | relationships | My friend [20, M], still hangs out with his ex-emotionally/physically abusive gf, wants to bring her to hangouts. What do? | My friend's ex has a tonne of issues - between being basically bipolar and mostly depressed, she isnt't exactly pleasant. She would constantly guilt him for anything she could, cheated on him and, at least once, beat on him for not packing things away properly. When she brought it up, she giggled about it. Of course, she's generally nice and pleasant in public - she has her good side.
I feel like she's just taking advantage of him even though they've broken up. Things like asking for rides, constantly texting him. While I don't think I can single handedly force him to see she's a drain on his happiness (I've tried), I do have a problem with him bringing her around when we hang out. Today she wants a ride to/from the place we're going, I want nothing to do with her. | friend's abusive ex still has her claws in friend, am I being selfish by not wanting to hang around her when we're going out to eat? |
t3_3nry47 | relationships | Me [46 M] with my son [19 M] 18 years, he hid long term relationship with 21M from me. They got married. UPDATE 2 | First post: | They got married. Husband and kid weren't invited and are angry. How do I help Alex and my family handle this? |
t3_3rdwpr | relationships | Me [25F] with my Mother [49F] I don't know how to tell her that I don't want to visit for Thanksgiving without hurting her feelings . | Please bare with me as this is my first post. Let me know if something doesn't make sense and I'll be happy to explain.
My family, which includes my husband (26M), oldest son (5M), daughter (4F), and youngest son (1M) just purchased our first home three hours away from my mother.
It's always a hassle to pack up the car, travel with for hours with the kids, and make pit stops for the three dogs that we will have to bring with us.
My husband hates staying at my mother's house. She has a dog that attacked ours once so we have no where for the dogs to stay. My mother has no room for us to sleep. She expects us to sleep on the sofa and love seat. It's very uncomfortable and after a few days we are very sore.
I told my mother that we might go to my husbands grandparents house this year for the holiday as we haven't spent any time with them lately. It's a five hour drive, but all the dogs get along and we have our own bedroom. My mother got very snippy but said it's fine and she understands since they are older. My sister (23F) called me later that day and told me that mother was extremely mad at me.
Now my husband has decided that he just wants to have Thanksgiving at our house so we don't have to travel. Everyone is more than welcome to join us, but I'm not sure my mother will handle it well.
How do I explain the situation to my mother without her getting even more upset with me? | My mother wants me to spend thanksgiving at her house but my family would prefer not to travel and have thanksgiving at our home. How do I tell her without her getting cranky? |
t3_15hy6v | relationships | My sister(5) thinks my mother loves me (24F) more than her. | I was 19 when my sister was born. When she was two, I moved to the US for college. Since then I have only seen her twice, on both occasions she and my mum came to see me. However, we speak to each other all the time on the phone. Since this last visit, which about six months ago, My sister has been mentioning, that my mother loves me more than her. I have no idea where she gets it from. Obviously I am not there, but every time my mother mentions my name, she brings it up, and cries. My mother has tried explaining to her that this is not the case, and I have tried to tell that to her multiple times over the phone. Just tonight, I was talking to my mother, and then I heard my sister crying in the background. When I asked why she was crying, my mum said it's because she (my mum) loves me more than my sister. I asked to speak to her, and could barely understand what she was saying. I ended the conversation with my mother, so she could tend to her. Any suggestions for fixing this problem. | so my younger sister think my mum loves me more than her, and she cries about it all the time. They both live together back home, but I am in the US for school. |
t3_3212xr | relationships | How does my [F/25] SO [M/24] "break up" with a childhood friend [F/22] | Hi all - asking for my SO as he doesn't use reddit and I'd like to be able to offer some good advice to him but I'm stumped.
My SO has decided he no longer wants to be friends with a woman, Sarah, he has known since childhood. Long story very short she causes drama and is not trustworthy and he has decided his life would be better without her in it. They haven't hung out 1 on 1 in over a year and she still texts / confronts him at group gatherings about "why they never hang out anymore".
He'd be fine seeing her and being cordial at group hangouts, but feels disingenuous "leading her on" by not being upfront that he no longer wants to be friends 1 on 1.
However, she is the sister of his good friend, Peter. While even his friend has acknowledge the general awfulness of his sister, my SO wants to tread carefully as he'd like to maintain a friendship with Peter.
So /relationships, how do you "breakup" with a friend? Any suggestions on how to proceed? | SO wants to stop spending time with a childhood friend's sister, not sure how to proceed with "friend breaking up" with her. |
t3_138hmv | AskReddit | How has your attempt to help a stranger backfired? | Tday after university, I get to my car and notice another guys engine wont start, so I decide to go see if I can help, park up next to him and get out the jumper cables. My first mistake was handing over the cables to him instead of connecting them myself, at which point he hooks them up backwards (polarity wise) and a shower of sparks shoots out.
Second mistake was trying to explain why this was very bad, rather than just unclipping the cables right away, by which time they had gotten quite hot, and I can only assume damage was done to his car (and possibly mine, but no problems have manifested yet). We tried connecting them correctly after that to avail, as his engine still refused to turn over.
Even though he assured me it wasn't my fault or anything (and even apologised for screwing up), I can't help but feel pretty damn guilty for potentially damaging his car, when the intention was to help him fix an annoying situation. The way I see it, best case scenario, he just needs to replace a fuse... worst case scenario is something really important got fried. | Tried to help a guy jump start his car, but instead he may have caused damage to both his car and mine. |
t3_49td10 | relationships | I [21F] had to enter an LDR w/ my [29M] boyfriend, we've managed to make it through 1 year but time away is taking it's toll on 2.5 years of together | I guess by many other people's standards 50 miles is not "long distance" but neither of us drive and I stay here for the majority of my time at University.
I guess the fact that I'm asking myself about this is indicative that we have an expiration date. Point is, absence is making it easier to consider leaving him, not "making the heart grow fonder" and I'm crushing on other people, I'm basically weighing up my options as what the cons of leaving him would be (changing my student loan forms, moving my stuff out etc.) rather than the pros of staying (the fact that we're actually happy together - *when* we're together) are.
I'm also struggling with the potential guilt, he has abandonment issues, he works in the same building as my mother, and I'm his entire emotional support network - he hadn't ever had a long-term girlfriend until me, and that was only 2.5 years ago we started going out.
I realise I'm rambling, it's just hard to organise my thoughts on this.
I'm constantly thinking about "what ifs": if I'd applied a year earlier to university, I'd have been single upon arrival and wouldn't feel as trapped as I do.
But am I trapped? Was I just too young for that kind of serious adult commitment? I always thought our 7.5 year age difference was just circumstantial, we jive really well and he's pretty immature I'd say but maybe he was in the "right place" for it where I was just being overly precocious. | entered a serious relationship at 19, left for university and finding it hard to think of reasons to stay after 2.5 years. |
t3_2hycj9 | relationships | Me [30M] with my GF [29F] 3yrs, have been drifting apart for months, I've met someone new and got "that feeling" | Myself and my girlfriend have been together a little over 3 years and have been living together for most of that time. For about the past year we have been drifting apart. We both work long hours and don't get to spend that much time together. Lack of intimacy is also a problem, admittedly on both our behalves. She pictures us married while I have not ever pictured that.
A while ago I confided all of this to a very close friend of mine, who advised me to talk openly with GF about it and end things if that's what I wanted. I know that's good advice but I've been a coward and have not mustered up the courage to do it. She can be extremely emotional and I'm worried how she would react.
Now just to complicate things even more, I was traveling abroad a short time ago and met a wonderful local woman [27F]. We spent several days together and there turned out to be a lot of intimacy, some kissing but no sex. I should note that up until this time I was 100% faithful to GF.
Now I'm back in my home country and I have been talking to the foreign woman every day. The way I feel about her is hard to describe, but I'm 100% sure it's more intense than I ever felt when I started dating GF. She has told me she wishes I never left and I agreed with her. This has just further encouraged me to end things with GF, whether or not I'll even see the foreign woman again or not.
I'm very interested to see what you guys think and any comments or advice you may have. | Been thinking about calling things off with GF, this has been compounded by the fact that I *may* be in love with someone new. Any advice? |
t3_4z4mqp | relationships | I [28 M] have a huge crush on my roommate [25 F] of one month, we get along great but don't know how to make a move? | Hi,
I've had someone move in with me in a 2 bed unit, instantly got along and really attracted to her. We sat up one night talking after work and really seemed to both have a great time.
Obviously she might just be nice and have no interest in dating me and there isn't much I can do about that. But my worry is that she is interested now however eventually starts to see me as a roommate and/or friend she gets along with and not want to go down that path in case it ends badly.
I'm not shy from proposing things and certainly not against the idea of moving out if we did make it work so there wasn't heaps of pressure on us. But I guess I'm worried about telling her how I feel and then making it weird if she isn't interested.
If we met at a bar or through mutual friends I'd just say, "hey lets go for a date", but if I asked her out to dinner now It might get confusing as what it is, a date or two roommates going for dinner? And laying it all out like that beforehand would certainly make it a bit weird. I mean I don't want to say I'm willing to move out before we even go on a date. I guess knowing how she views me would help a lot, but It's hard to tell if she's just really nice, bubbly person or actually would see me as someone she could be with? | Really like my roommate, looking for a way to sense her interest, and ideally propose a relationship after the correct amount of time, with the least fallout possible if it's not what she is after. |
t3_1juitq | dogs | Troubled Boxer HELP! Need Advice | Here's the story, my family has been looking for a Boxer for about 3 months. We have previous Boxer-owning experience and know we love the breed. After a few breed confusions and other issues, we found an 11month dog on CL. We brought him home around 7pm on Sunday night. The first thing he did was try and attack my Newfie through the fence. After some careful introduction, he got over that, but still growled a couple of times. I've had abused and mistreated dogs before, and been able to help them.
So that first night he spent the whole time whining. We learned: he isn't potty trained; he has no reaction to a name of any sort; absolutely none of the basic training. He's not playful, he's scared, his first reaction is to flee, then to fight aggressively.
The next morning, at around 6am, he broke out of the backyard while left to pee for 10 minutes. Evidently he squatted around at neighborhood kid's houses until this afternoon.
He not happy. No part of his personality is that of a Boxer. His one shining, redeeming quality is that he LOVES kids. He's great with them and sweet. Still not playful, but he'll stick by their side contently.
Ultimately we think he was being used as a bait dog or originally hoped as a fighting dog.
My question is... should we try. I keep seeing glimmers of a good dog, but he has NO training, he doesn't even recognize responding to the sound of a voice. It will be an ass ton of work, but I want to give this boy a better life, but if it's a lost cause, I'd still like an actual Boxer.
Opinions, advice, ideas? I'm really torn. Either we commit to him, or we contact his previous owner (who will likely ignore me) then try to find him a new home with full disclosure.... HELP! | Got a Boxer off CraigsList, person lied or omitted (surprised?) now need to decide to keep him or not. |
t3_e3irf | AskReddit | Reddit, my best friend's mom is dying of cancer... | Reddit, my best friend's mom is dying of cancer, probably sometime this week. The whole family just got together this past weekend to say their last goodbyes to her. This is her 3rd battle with cancer and unfortunately, this one took a turn for the worse. Spread throughout her breast, spine, liver, etc. She had a massive stroke 2 weeks ago, and was turned down by her insurance company for any chemo/stroke rehabilitation programs (their reasoning was that she would not live long enough to see the benefits of any chemo/stroke rehabilitation programs, so they refuse to pick up the tab, woo Americaaaa!).
Unfortunately, I don't live close to her anymore. I'm looking to send her a pre-sympathy basket that will help her and her s.o. through these tough times. Her favorite comfort 'foods' that I'm trying to include are Pinot Grigio, Chocolates and/or Cookies. Unfortunately I can't find anything like this for under $60... This is where I need your help Reddit. Anyone know of any good places to find wine/comfort food gift baskets that wont put me in the poor house? | I want find a cheap wine/comfort food gift basket to send my best friend whose mother is dying of cancer within the next week. |
t3_r3k4k | relationships | I think I am falling for my friends boyfriend?! | I am f(18) and he is M(17). His girlfriend is (15). His girlfriend and I are really good friends, for nearly 2 years. I really honestly care about her. Her bf and I are also friends and have been for maybe a year? Her and her boyfriend have been going through a hard time recently, and I have been helping her threw it. I have also been giving him advice to because I also recently went through a breakup of a similar nature. They have been together for a long time and are just growing apart. She is still young and he is growing up. He is really awesome; we have similar interests and get along really well. He hung out with me and a few friends of ours yesterday, and the more I think about how awesome he is the more I think I am falling for him. It is making me feel horrible. I don't want to fall for him. How can I stop myself without changing our "groups" dynamic? | My friend has an awesome boyfriend, they are going through hard time and I think I am falling for him. Help!! |
t3_3p0u1v | travel | Cheap rental car tip for underage drivers | Not sure if this has been posted about before, but I couldn't find anything when searching for it.
Anyways, I recently booked a rental car for my trip to San Francisco. I originally started looking at Budget, and for just one night my rental would have costed over $110 for an economy car since I'm 21.
I did some research, and I found out that if you have a USAA membership the underage surcharge is waived, and you can save up to 25%. So, I went back and signed up for USAA, and then went to Budget's site again and it went down to only $65. Woohoo!
To make things even better, there was a coupon for USAA members that got you one weekend day free.. Seeing as I would be there for more than one night, I tried seeing the price from Thursday-Sunday using that deal.. The price ended up being only $6 more for 2 more days..
So, moral of the story, keep shopping when it comes to rentals, and **sign up for USAA**. It's a financial service for veterans and people in the US Military, but *anyone* can sign up and take advantage of their travel deals. | sign up for USAA for free if you are an underage driver, the underage surcharge will be waived and you can find HUGE savings. |
t3_3d7ptf | relationships | I've [23 F] been dating a guy [29 M] for two months who has had only one partner but my sex life is more colorful | I used to be very conservative myself but that all changed in the past year when I broke up with my long term ex. At first I was basically celibate for 5 months, then I decided to have threesomes (two so far), public bdsm, semi public sex, one night stands, fwbs, and my record is having sex with three different people in one day. It was almost four but the last guy just felt like cuddling. Yeah.
That said for PIV it's only 9 men total (12 others for oral if anyone cares - including three women.) I still don't know if I am proud or horrified of this, and I did all of that in a 6 month time span. I've been taking it slow with the new guy, but on our fourth date we got a bit naked and I asked about his history / std status like I always do for men, and he admited that he has had only one partner ever (they dated for a year) and that's it.
He said that his friends and parents even thought he was gay because they almost never saw him with a woman. He also said something like "You are a very nice and sweet girl, I thought you were a virgin." I told him no, but I have not told him my exact number. (So that is why I am nervous, because he might think I am something I am not.)
If he has lived this way I doubt he will accept me(?), and even if he does, well, will our pasts clash with each other? I think I want a monogamous relationship though I have also been thinking about having a polyamorouse/ open one. And I feel like he won't be down for that. Or maybe I am overthinking it.
What do y'all think? | For the past 6 months I've been having sex with people like it's going out of style. Met a guy with only one partner ever. What do? |
t3_2w84zv | relationships | GF [24f] insists I [28M] use condoms even though she has IUD | I have been dating my current girlfriend for 4 months, officially a couple for 2 months. When we started dating, she had an IUD put in her and has had it there since. Our original plan was to get tested for STDs and then we could have sex without a condom (we did this beforehand and it felt so good). We both came back clean; however, she got something called Bacterial Vaginosis (BV) which had her freaking out a bit...even though it isn't an STI. She took her course of meds and is fine now. Now she is saying she always wants to have sex with a condom.
I realize it kind of seems like a minor issue on initial glance, but being fresh out of a serious LTR, I'm not sure if she is being sincere by this or if this is an early battle for control on her part. She has always said she doesn't respect guys that let her walk all over them. Part of me thinks she's acting way too paranoid because, from what I know, you can still get BV even with a condom on. I know she tends to worry too much about the smaller things...which is good in someways because I know she appreciates the little things and its harder to take me for granted...but this is kind of a little much. Do I raise this with her now? In a few months so there's no pressure? Or just let it go.
Cliffs/ | GF wants me to keep using condoms even though we are officially a couple, she has an IUD, and we are STD free. Should this be a big deal or not to me if I don't want to? |
t3_2ubg2x | relationships | Me [24 M] w/ my 1st GF [22 F] of 2 weeks, unsure about it.. | Hello,
I met her in October and was immediately fascinated by her. She has a great personality, is very pretty and I just knew okay, she could be the one.
So far so good, we started going out, it was very complicated, she didn't know what she wanted, was pushing me away a lot, which made me want her even more. This month we started seeing each other more often and had sex, where I learned she's a virgin.
This explained a lot of her behavior, but also put pressure on me. I wanted her to enjoy it, but she was nervous as fuck. The next few times got a bit better, but still bad. She is really insecure about everything and I'm not even allowed to look at her while doing it. But I like her, so it's no big deal.
However, it's starting to frustrate me slightly, because she's still so shielded and we don't really spend a lot of time together. I don't even have butterflies in my stomach. I like her, I like spending time with her, I feel comfortable around her. She would be the perfect woman, but I'm not that attracted to her anymore. She's different from before. Now that I know she's that inexperienced and feels sooo uncomfortable with everything, I get doubts.
I don't know how a first relationship is meant to be and if it will all be fine once she gets used to having sex and opens up more. I want this to work but don't know what to expect. There's no feelings of love in sight so far.
Any ideas? Does it take time? Is it a bad sign? Mmh | learned that gf is a virgin and extremely self conscious. Want it to work, but it's frustrating so far. |
t3_1dx0uo | relationships | Am I [20F] being hit on by my former teacher/coach [35?M]? | I met this person because he was student teaching for my AP history class when I was in high school, and he also was an assistant coach for the track team, which I was a part of.
I just finished my junior year of college and I turn 21 this Friday. Since I graduated, he has periodically texted me (I think the coaches had the team phone numbers for practice information... I'm not sure it was super long ago and not a big deal at the time) to ask how school is going.
Recently, he brought up that once I turned 21 I should join him and his friends "floating" on the river in our town and drinking beer. I reluctantly agreed to be polite because I figured it would never actually happen. (I go to college far away from home). However, now he has continued to make more and more definite plans, which I thought was fine, and I had planned to bring my brother along to make the situation less awkward.
But today he asked if I like dancing or country bars, and I started to think maybe this is weird.
All along I have thought the situation a little odd but I didn't want to be presumptuous. Now I'm not sure.
I am not interested in this person, I have a boyfriend who I have been with since high school who I fully intend to marry. | Former teacher asked me to go floating on the river, now wants to know if I like dancing. Is this more than it seems? What do I say now that I have already kinda agreed, but I am 100% uninterested? |
t3_3ba75a | relationships | I'm[25f] VERY interested in my male friend's best friend, but.. | It's been such a long time since I felt this way about a person, that I had forgotten what it was like. I could extrapolate, but it's probably just your typical crush situation. He (24m - let's call him "Paul") is just a really lovely(-seeming) person, and I'd really like to get to know him. And also fuck the endearing shyness right out of him, if we're being real.
I don't know if he's interested in me, and I like him so much that he makes me nervous.. which I thought was something I was over.
But the real question here is: can I even go after him? I only know Paul through his friend (let's call him "Jeff"). Paul and Jeff are very close, as are Jeff and I, but they're much closer. Jeff and I almost had sex /once/ in the beginning of our friendship on a very drunken night, but nothing even remotely romantic has happened since (>4 months). I've also had conversations with him explaining that nothing will. However, I do get the sense every once in a while that Jeff is still "waiting for his moment" or something, and has some feelings towards me.
My friends are telling me that I should just go for it anyways, and that Jeff will get over it. I just don't feel 100% about that. I'm not only afraid of hurting Jeff, but I'm also really shy when it comes to this guy. I don't want to hurt anyone, mess up their friendship, OR miss out on something that I think could be really great. I just really don't want to fuck this up! | My close friend might have feelings for me and I DEFINITELY have feelings for his best friend. Can I pursue without being a huge, gaping asshole? How? |
t3_19hwet | relationships | Girlfriend wants to be friends for a while... | I (M18) have been dating a (F18) for about 3 months now, I have known her for about 3 years though, and we are pretty close. She has recently gotten a job, and has been struggling to juggle around her job and our relationship, as well as school. She was really into me, and everything was fine until two days ago, she said that she just wants to be really close friends for now, because her schedule is too hectic, she says that she really likes me still, and that she would go out with me again, but she just can't put enough into the relationship and it wouldn't be fair to me. I care about her a lot, but I don't feel that I love her, but I also do not want to lose her. Do I tell her that I will wait for her, and stay close friends? do I become more distant and come back into her life after a while and hope someone else hasn't swooped in? Or do I just move on (what i'd least like to do). | girlfriend is swamped with school relationship and work, and just wants to be friends for now, how do I handle this?* |
t3_2qjfzy | relationships | Me [19 F] with [20 M] - Mixed signals galore. | Throwaway because dude in question browses Reddit.
This certainly isn't as serious as the other problems on this sub, but it's been gnawing at my mind forever now, and I felt like I might as well just make a post on here. I've never really dated anyone or had a boyfriend, so this is all very new to me.
I met the guy in question years ago, but we never really started talking until this past year. Eventually it was made pretty clear that I liked him, and he said he reciprocated the feeling. We went on a few dates as well. (That he initiated.)
Well, he has major issues with communication. He used to always initiate conversation, text me first just about always. Now I'm lucky to hear from him once a week. Not that I mind texting/calling him first, but I am wondering why he stopped. Generally he *does* act like he is interested, but the lack of communication often throws me off a bit, and I'm not really sure what to do. I've tried bringing it up, and he does apologize, but I've never gotten a real reason for it. In the 3 dates we have been on, he hasn't really done anything more than hug me either. I'm not sure if he is shy, or just not interested.
Thanks! | Boy has said he is interested, but doesn't really show it via communication, at least, not as much as he used to. |
t3_18h1en | relationships | Girlfriend (17F) cheated on me (17M) by making out with another guy while Blackout drunk, we have been going out almost three years. | So my girlfriend likes to drink, she always went to parties and drank a reasonable amount without any issues. One summer night she went to party and got incredibly drunk, according to the other guy (a student at out high school same age) they started by playing beer pong together while she got progressively drunker. According to him she told him we werent going out anymore. Eventually they went downstairs and started to make out for a few minutes before she threw up and blacked out, at which point he carried her to help. She told me the next day after he txted her about it and was very apologetic, crying and said she loved me more than anything. I really do love her, but this is eating away at me. I have lots of negative thoughts and have horrible dreams about it. Idk what to do please help. | = Girlfriend made out with another guy while black out drunk. She has no memory of it. It is depressing me and idk what to do. |
t3_dzn7f | relationships | If/when to say "I love you"? -- The phrase that can make or break a relationship. | I've been with my girlfriend for ~3.5 months now. She is 19, I am 21. The entire time, the relationship has been nothing short of perfect. We get along perfectly, we share lots of interests, we connect mentally, we're both very physically attracted to each other, and the sex has been unbeatable. (First time we had sex was in a national park under a meteor shower. How fucking romantic is that?)
For the last two months of our relationship though, I've been studying abroad in Spain and she's been going to university in the US. Because of this, the dynamic has obviously switched a little. We can't be physically intimate, obviously, though we've swapped some pics and we like to talk dirty every so often. Sadly though, we can only communicate via Skype and Facebook, and the lack of physical intimacy is admittedly difficult. However, in three weeks she is flying overseas to visit me for an unforgettable week in November. Also, I'll be returning to the states a month later in December.
I've been afraid to say the words "I love you" (and wouldn't do so online anyways... if I told her, it would be during her visit to Spain.) I try to show it by telling her how much I miss her/care about her. I also tell her I adore her, just to avoid that big four letter word. She's adopted the phrase to describe her feelings for me, too.
My only worry is that what I'm feeling isn't love, and may in fact be an extension of that puppy love feeling. I left the country 1.5 months into dating her and it's possible that we're still somehow stuck in an extension of the "lust" stage. I feel like we have a deeper connection that supersedes puppy love, but it's hard to know for sure when you're the one in the middle of it.
How can I be sure? I've been in two other long-term relationships before this where the L word was dropped, and at this point, I'm never sure if it's real or what the word is really supposed to constitute or describe. | I'm not sure when it's best to say "I love you." How do you know if you really love someone? |
t3_29la81 | relationships | My girlfriend [22F] cheated on me [21M] while abroad. I have chosen to try and forgive her. Advice please? | She cheated on me with a guy and gave him head. Of course I am utterly devastated. However, she is extremely sorry, our relationship is strong (almost 4 years) and I know I will regret it forever if I don't make an attempt to fix things, as this girl is more than a partner she is my best friend.
I am wondering what I should do now. I break down multiple times a day and can barely leave my bed from feeling sick to my stomach. But I need to try and forgive. Her plane home is not for another 3 weeks however. She said that she will change her flight and come home as soon as possible. It makes me very happy to know this because it shows she realized how much she screwed up.
But the thing is I don't want to see her right now very much and want time alone to try and understand. But at the same time, while I know she wouldn't screw up again, I cannot bear the thought of her being near this guy anymore. I want to tell her to just come home, but if I don't actually want to see her I feel like that would be rude to do since it would cost a lot to change flights. Should I ask her to come home? I would like to see her a couple times but I want time mostly to myself to see if I can forgive her.
What can I do to stop feeling like shit? I just keep thinking of her blowing him over and over and I want to ask her for the details but I don't know if that would just make me sadder. What can I do to get over the feeling that this is my fault? (I know it is not, but I still feel somewhat like of I had been better this wouldn't have happened).
What am I supposed to do if we have sex, I would not be able to stop thinking about the cheating. How can I try and move forward with the relationship without just making her feel like shit over and over for what she did? I don't want to fight with her but I just feel so destroyed inside. Thank you reddit. | girlfriend cheat, I chose to try and forgive her. Should I ask her to come home? How do I forgive her? |
t3_4mdc8n | relationships | My [34/F] boyfriend [35/M] of 2.5 years wants us to mess around with others while I'm gone for a month. | In a week and a half, I leave for a trip for five weeks. We have been going back and forth on opening things up to extracurricular sex while I'm gone, but when I really imagine it happening, I'm devastated. Since Tuesday, those loving feelings have been gone from my side and I can't access that warm, safe, connected space with him anymore.
When I make it okay in my head for him to sleep around, he starts to feel like just my friend. When I try and think of him as my boyfriend and imagine him sleeping with other women, I'm crushed.
Last night we talked until 2:30am and he said that he's going through a mid-life crisis type thing and he has to do this for his self-esteem. That if the five weeks pass and he doesn't actually pick up any ladies and isn't successful, then he'll feel really bad about himself. This makes me feel just awful to hear for I don't even know how many reasons.
Part of me wants to tell him, "Sure, you can sleep around while I'm gone, but I'm not your girlfriend when I'm gone." I feel like he wants it all and it doesn't matter if it's at my expense. But what I really want is to feel in love again and to have everything right between us. It sounds to me like he'll resent me if I don't let him do this.
What would you do? Is sleeping around while people are out of town not really that big of a deal? Is this super common? How do you truly stay in love with someone while you know they're pursuing and sleeping with other people? | My boyfriend wants us to sleep around while I'm gone for five weeks. When I agree to this, I lose my feelings for him. He says it's for his self-esteem. I need some perspective. Help? |
t3_3n3am9 | relationships | Advice on Me [19 M] actively dealing with getting over my ex [20 F] (2 months) | Last year I met a girl who was coming to my University in England for a year (some form of foreign study program). We met through playing DnD together and near the end of march she got drunk and asked me out.
I had been to an all boys secondary school and was relatively introverted, so this was my first proper romantic relationship ever. She made it clear from the start that she was going back to America in June and neither her nor I were interested in long distance, so I knew this was a relationship with an expiration date.
Those 2 months were great fun and did wonders for my previously critically low self-confidence, but now its nearly 4 months later and I have no idea how to get over her. Whenever I let my mind wander for any reason, it inevitably drifts to some random memory from the relationship, I bring her up in a large majority of conversations with my friends and I don't particularly know why.
I want to start getting on with my life and stop dwelling on these memories almost constantly but I have no idea what I can actively do to help this
One thing I should probably mention is that we are still in contact. The one good thing about our breakup was that it wasn't because of any reason (other than the Atlantic ocean), so I believe it is possible to remain friends. We chat once or twice a week over facebook about mostly random TV show related things.
I don't want to cut her out of my life entirely, as we were friends before the relationship and she seems quite capable of remaining friends after it | I broke up with my first girlfriend 4 months ago when she moved back to America and I don't know what I can do to help get over her |
t3_3q13qk | relationships | My [17/F] dad [51/F] got into a fight with my sister [18/F] and left home. | This is sort of a delayed post, because this happened over a month ago, (I wish I posted to this sub earlier when it happened but I honestly had no clue a sub like this existed.) anyways.
About a month ago my dad and my sister argued about finances (we aren't very rich), telling my sister that she should pay for her own college funds and that she does nothing to help my parents with the bills despite having a job.
My dad leaves for work and later in the day calls my sister telling her to put the phone on speaker in front of my mom and grandma. He then starts shouting at my sister (through the phone) cussing at her and tells them that his life is a living hell.
I try calling him on my mom's phone just to talk and he doesn't answer, I kept being persistent and he ends up turning off his phone all together. I was at a loss because I hadn't seen my dad acting this way for a long time. I usually don't sleep until very late at night, so I see him on the couch reeking of cigarettes, acting as if nothing happened. He greeted me and just went on his phone. After that my perception of my father changed completely (I had a very good relationship with him before all of this) he didn't even acknowledge his actions were inappropriate, how it made everybody in the family feel (My father is a very prideful man so he won't admit his faults and refuses to apologize to anything).
I don't know what to do... I want my dad to get therapy but he doesn't believe in that sort of stuff, he's extremely stubborn and will not do it no matter how much I beg. I'm really upset here, I don't know what to do at all.
My family has a past of very unfortunate events and this is something that has happened before. I have no clue what to do... My family hates talking about their feelings and just deals with it, let the past be the past, but it happens over and over again I want it to stop. | Sister and dad fought over money, dad left, came back not acknowledging anything that happened, these cases happened before want to prevent it from happening again. Family doesn't know how to communicate their feelings. What do I do? |
t3_4a8svf | relationships | Me [19 M] struggling to make any meaningful friendships at University | A bit of background about myself - I've always struggled to make friends all throughout my life and never really had more than 1-2 friends at any point in time. I consider myself to be socially awkward and I am not really able to follow up on social cues.
I had a very sheltered childhood and my parents never really encouraged to be social until it was too late. I am now 19 years old and my social skills are very lacking behind.
University was a shock for me. At first I struggled to talk and interact with people, but thankfully I made one good friend after about 2 months. However, I have been unsuccessful in making any other close friends and I am pretty stuck with this one guy all the time, which does get boring. We have little in common and spend most of free time just focusing on academic related activities. During the weekend he has some other friends and we go out as a group of 4-6, but I am not really close with them either.
At the moment I'm stuck in an awkward situation were I have to spend all my time at University with this guy cause I'm not friends with anyone else and often feel lonely at times. I would also like to potential find a girlfriend in the coming months, but I know this is going to be very difficult.
Is there any advice that you give me on how I can improve my social skills? I would like be more outgoing and meet new people but I'm constantly socially anxious and self-conscious and act in awkward manners which puts people off. What can I talk about to people which keeps them interested? | Socially awkward guy - How can I improve my social skills and become more outgoing? Atm I'm very lonely and often feel depressed at times. |
t3_2tku2e | tifu | TIFU by making my parents think i'm a crackhead | happened a while back but thought it was funny
i was at the park, it was a park about 6 blocks away from my house around 9 pm - 10 pm. i was smoking X with a friend of mine their under the pavilion, where we would always go to smoke.
well this night i hadn't gone to the park planning to smoke, i was just out for a walk and ran into a friend who had some X. my parents knew i smoked and were ok with that, since it wasn't anything more serious, but i digress.
well my friend had some and i had a can of pepsi, our predicament was that we had no bowl, but being the macgyvers that we were we decided, hey lets just smoke out of the can, so we did.
well apparently one of my parents friends were walking by the park that night for some odd reason, and this lady was pretty racist, so we she saw me from across the park smoking out of a can with a black kid and i guess she immediately assumed i was smoking crack for some reason.
well i say bye to my buddy and head on home, well i walk up to the porch walk and inside and their are my parents, sitting in the living room with the tv off. i thought this was odd but proceeded to my bedroom.
before i get to into my room my mother calls me over, mind you i'm pretty out of it so i'm already a little on edge. That's when it happened.
first my mother starts asking me weird questions "are you feeling alright?" "what did you do when you went out to the park, who were you with?" and i'm feeling confused and awkward and my step-dad, who is less level headed than my mother starts yelling and calling me a crackhead, i'm completely dumbfounded and deny, deny, deny.
i eventually got them to calm down, i don't thinkthey believed me, but my step dad stopped yelling and my mom quit interrogating, i went to my room, watched southpark and ate funyuns and then masturbated. not that that's relevant to the story. | smoked out of a can, racist lady called my parents and said i was smoking crack, calmed my parents down, ate funyuns and masturbated. |
t3_36ahzn | relationships | My sister (28F) and I (30F) do not want to invite our mother (50F) to our weddings next year. We need insight on how to navigate the situation. | My mother and I have never really had a great relationship. She is emotionally and verbally abusive to us kids and it has only gotten worse since she and our father divorced over TEN YEARS ago. Both of our parents have since remarried. My sister and I are both getting married next year (sister in Spring, me in Fall) and, as terrible as it may sound, we do not want to invite our mother to our weddings. She has an alcohol problem that she refuses to acknowledge, let alone seek help for (we've tried) and we just don't want to risk her ruining what is supposed to be a happy, loving occasion. Our maternal grandmother even supports our decision 100%, but there is still this sense of guilt we have to shake and we don't know how to move forward from here. Do we tell our mother she's not invited? Do we just avoid the subject altogether and pretend it's not even happening? Our mother rarely contacts/responds to us unless it's to be nasty and dredge up old divorce drama. My sister and I have tried so hard to repair this broken relationship but it nothing seems to help. She harasses us on social media, she has harassed my ex via social media, she disowns us about every six months and goes as far as to tell people she doesn't even have any daughters. She refused to attend my college graduation simply because I invited my dad (whom she'd divorced at that point). She ruined my sister's graduation party by running her mouth and making a scene. She owns a gun and I'm honestly terrified she may become violent in a drunken stupor. Ultimately, it's just a difficult situation and we could use some insight on how to navigate it when it comes time to send out wedding invitations. Thanks for reading! | My sister and I don't want to invite our alcoholic, abusive, estranged mother to our weddings - how do we manage this with the least explosive reaction? |
t3_2qj6mu | relationships | I[25M] found an image on instagram of my gf[22F] that is likely innocuous but troubles me. | So yesterday I added my gf of 3 months to my instagram. We both rarely use social media, which is why I haven't added her before. I was looking through her pictures and decided to click on some of the names of people who were liking her pics - I do this all the time, and I was curious who her friends were. I found an account belonging to one of her friends, and found 2 pictures of my girlfriend from a week ago. They were both at a restaurant. The first had her exchanging gifts with a guy sitting next to her and the second had this same guy rest his head on her shoulder affectionately.
I freaked. My heart started pounding - what did I just find? Is my girlfriend dating someone else? And is stupid enough to put the evidence online?
I then remembered my girlfriend mentioning that last week, when she was at this very restaurant (meeting with her long time friends from back in middle school) one of her friends there suggested they all go to a local gay bar. She has a gay friend in this circle of friends.
Now I realized that this might just be her gay friend, or a straight friend just engaging in some light physical affection (I hug my female friends all the time). My girlfriend has given me no reason to doubt her fidelity in the past. I think I just stumbled upon a couple of pictures of friends being affectionate at a secret santa.
I'm not sure what to do. Do I ask her about the picture? Do I trust her and let go of the issue? If I ask, how would I even express myself? I don't want to accuse her of anything - I just want some clarity. Also, the picture was on her friend's instagram feed, not her feed. I'm not friends with her friend, I was just looking around. I don't want to come off as a crazy boyfriend investigating her life. Do I just forget about this and trust my gf? | Found pictures that are probably of my girlfriend being platonically affectionate with her gay friend during a secret santa, but I'm not 100% sure and it's making my stupid boyfriend brain panic |
t3_gbugv | self | friends say I have "impostor syndrome" (physically and mentally) any thoughts? | Mostly a throw-away account, and I'm sorry if this is in the wrong subreddit, there are way too many that I'm sure I don't know about, I suppose this might belong elsewhere.
Anyway two of my closest (and only) friends tell me I have impostor syndrome ( ) both when it comes to my physical appearance, and my mental sense of self-worth/accomplishment.
So I'm just curious what people think, first, here's a crappy picture with my webcam: (removed, its been a year, no reason to leave the image online.)
Second, I'm 27, I failed out of college in 2008 after my first quarter (I was a philosophy major ./sigh) after taking ~3.5 years to complete a general AA (3.94 GPA at community college.) I was unemployed for almost a year before I joined the Navy (ASVAB 98, DLAB 135) but was separated after 6-months for mental health (General Discharge, RE4), and have been unemployed since then, living at home again, for ~18 months now.
My work history is inconsistent and unremarkable, working general retail for Home Depot was my longest job (almost two years) working at a local boys & girls club was second (also almost two years) and working as a temp for a union for 7 months was my third. And before all of that, I was a high-school dropout, and waited several years before getting my GED finally.
I'm also philosophically agnostic, and lean towards just being an outright atheist.
So, honestly, thoughts and opinions? I think I'm just one of very, VERY few people that has an honest, realistic opinion and image of myself, instead of so many people having this over-inflated view of their own importance, physical beauty, etc. | I'm almost thirty and haven't done anything with my life, my friends think I see myself wrong, and that I don't internalize accomplishments. |
t3_2tunb5 | tifu | TIFU by telling my ex where to go. | TIFU at a party. It was late in the night and one of the guys from my team had just shown up with his girlfriend (my ex) and her friend. (Side note: he started dating my ex like a week after we broke up and didn't tell me till 2 months later). So as we were all just doing our thing I get a glass of cold water poured on me, turn around and it's my friend from the team being a dick cos he thought it was funny. I can take a joke so I laugh and let it go. Later on I spray him with some beer because well same thing right? He gets all annoyed and wanders off. I start talking to my ex's friend and my ex butts in and is all aggressive. I've been drinking and in no mood to deal with her crap tell her soundly to fuck off. Next thing I know I've been head butted in the face by my so called team mate, blood pouring from my nose as my friends hold me back as they leave. | Told my ex to fuck off when she was being aggressive and her bf, my supposed friend hits me in the face. |
t3_4l0r2j | relationships | I [26F] think I'm on a revenge website. | I think I may be on one of those revenge websites,but I can't remember the name of it.
Background: When I was 22 I met this guy, who was 23. We messed around for maybe 2 months before I realized he was clinically ill (delusional, pathological liar) and had to get the police involved to get him away from me.
I remember when we were hanging out he showed me this website that him and his friends would go on to check all the girls they met. It was basically submissions from exes saying "watch out ... blah blah..." or spreading secrets about what they were into. I did see posts about some of the girls I met through him.
Towards the end when I was trying to get him to leave me alone he threatened that would put me on this website, knowing how worried I get about how others perceive me and my sex life being private. I checked a few times and never saw anything.
Flash forward 3 years to this weekend: My new partner if you will, a coworker who I have known for years, makes a comment about me regarding something he should not have known during sex. It's something I've only told 3 people, one being the lunatic. I'd rather not elaborate on what it was exactly.
Considering the fact that there is zero chance my exes have interacted with the new guy, the only thing I can think of is that I'm actually on that website.
Does anyone know the website I'm talking about? You search locally and by name. I know this is a stretch. but I don't know what else to do. I cannot remember the name of the website for the life of me.
I do intend on questioning new guy about why he brought that up once I get the balls, I'm just panicking that my past is coming back to haunt me. | I think a crazy ex put me on a local revenge website, I can't remember the name of the website so I can check for myself. Please help. |
t3_3uq54d | relationships | Me [39 M] with my spouse [39 M] of 12 years, different anger/discussion thresholds. | My spouse and I have a challenging ongoing dynamic. When he is upset about something that happens - not between us - and we are discussing it, he gets loud and intense. This can be from something a family member said or did, our child's behavior (which can be very challenging), etc. Today, he was expressing frustration and started to get louder and more intense. I said, 'I hear you." He says I use that to shut him off.
I think he's right in one regard. I don't understand the need to get intense about things when I'm in his corner, interested in solving the problem, etc. I do have a different take on the situations sometimes and it seems I come across as dismissive or like his take on things is wrong. But I also do have a pretty visceral response to the anger rising.
Our daughter had a rough night last night. Rude behavior, out of control resistance, etc. This happens, we work through it at home and with therapy and come out on the other side. This morning, before discussing with her, he wanted to talk and said she really needed to feel the consequences we had for her (I agree) and kept getting more intense as he explained his frustration. I was torn between supporting him - because the behavior really sucks - and responding as I was really uncomfortable with the raising of the voice.
He then said, "She can't do this @$#@ to us." This to me also showed a really different understanding of the situation. Our daughter, who is new to our family, is a tween learning her way. Her behavior is troubling, maddening, etc. and I have lost my cool quite a few times. But I don't think she is doing this "to" me. I told him that. Likely not the best moment, but it was at such a hugely odd angle to me. | Spouses have majorly different thresholds for expressing anger. Have others dealt with this and found a better way to deal with each other. |
t3_53btqu | relationships | I [20F] am being accused of pouring water on my sister [17F] laptop and my mother is certain I did it (But I didn't!) | I know this may seem ridiculous and petty, mainly because it is. My mother came into my bedroom and said there's water on her laptop, do you know how it got there? (Note that my sister and I have been arguing for the past month so she does have incentive)
I got pissed. Pissed on a whole nother level. The pissiest of all the pissed. Why would I do that? Note that only my mother, sister, and I were home so my mom was saying that it simply HAD to be me.
"God knows the truth. Stop lying now we already know it was you. I'm worried about your mental health"
I truly did not do it and am taking the wrap for it. My mom is treating me differently now and babying me more like I'm sick or something. But I didn't do it? I just don't know how to convince her or if that's even possible at this point. | Mom 100% sure that I poured water on sister's laptop, but I didn't and she's treating me like a sick child. |
t3_1rscnr | relationships | I'm (23/f) afraid people in my life won't take my condition seriously. What can I do? | I'm a 23/f that just was diagnosed with Trigeminal Neuralgia. Basically, it's extreme pain in the face and whole left side of my head. To make this short, I have good days and bad days. Every day I feel it, but some not as heavy as others. For example, my bad days mean an excruciating icepick headache that seeps pain into my face every 10 minutes, for 20 seconds. Good days mean not any real pain, just slight annoying twinges once or twice a day.
My family refers to them as headaches, which is really frustrating to me. They aren't headaches. I can't even really explain this. I'm in-between jobs right now so it's going to be really difficult for me and I need some support. I don't mean full financial support, but just understanding that I do have a rough time. I will need help here and there. I don't spend tons of money but some help would be really appreciated until I get this under control. If I can.
I'm also afraid I'm going to affect my relationships. The guy I'm interested in being with might not really comprehend this fully. I don't want him to have to support me. I don't know what to do or even say about it. I won't be able to go out all the time. Sometimes I will literally have to stay in bed and watch Netflix. I can't even begin to think how to approach this subject. I'm afraid he will just leave and find a "normal" girlfriend.
I'm just really frustrated about this. It's so hard to explain to people in my life. Therapy isn't an option for me right now and I'm starting treatment which includes acupuncture. I just don't know what to do. | Just diagnosed with a condition that really affects my daily life. I don't know how to explain this to others and I'm afraid it's going to make things even more complicated for me. |
t3_4hy0rc | relationships | My [23F] tinder friend [29M] of one month is giving me weird vibes | So I started on tinder at the advice of a friend, and immediately hit it off with this guy—I will call him Brian for the purpose of this post (not his real name).
So Brian really seems to like me and I like him, we talk about meeting but both are away for about two weeks so we put it off until we both return.
While we're both away we continue to text. He gets drunk on vacation and when I fall asleep during a conversation, he accuses me of hooking up with someone (I was on a work trip and fell asleep alone).
The next day, I woke up to quite a few messages and felt overwhelmed so I stopped responding. After I was back, on a day we had talked about meeting, he messaged me referring to our plans.
I had enjoyed talking to him (until he accused me of hooking up with someone else), and so I responded. Since then, about 2 weeks ago, we have talked on the phone and continued to message each other pretty frequently.
Recently, however, he made some comments about something that happened in his work life that I am 90% are false. In addition, he was drinking last night and made some pretty aggressive and mean statements about how he felt about me, then did a total 180 and said he felt like he could really see a future with me and he apologized, citing stress from his work incident.
All of this, combined with almost no effort to actually see me in person, makes me feel weird about where this is going... but I still really like this guy and don't know what to do. | I met a guy on tinder and we hit it off but recently its become a little weird and I have doubts. How do I proceed? |
t3_3imn6i | relationships | One of my (21F) boyfriends (24M) of 7 months becomes angry and unresponsive for periods of hours to weeks, then acts like nothing happens. I know he is struggling with depression but it freaks me out every time! | Hi! If this title is confusing, it's because I'm polyamorous, but this is not a polyamory question because it's about two people's normal (ish relationship). You can pretty much think of this guy as my boyfriend without the name.
We have been seeing each other for a while (about 7 months) and he has no clue how upsetting this is to me. Basically, he will get angry about something (usually unrelated to me), become overcome with rage, and become unable to speak with me. If I try to talk to him, he is rude and/or passive aggressive, so I drop it.
He then shows up whenever he is feeling better as if nothing happened and showers me with love and affection, and we might briefly discuss what he was angry about. I tell him that I was upset and he tells me that he is okay and I have nothing to worry about, and it had nothing to do with me. Then he seems so happy I pretty much just drop it.
I have tried to end things various times with him because of this but for some reason I keep thinking he is doing better and then change my mind.
How do I make him understand that this is really really important? When he is not angry, he's great. I know he must be struggling with anger issues/depression/etc, but he doesn't talk to me about them and generally avoids me if he is feeling bad. | My boyfriend-thing has no clue how much it upsets me when he disappears in a possibly depression-fueled anger and then resurfaces. How do I explain this to him? Am I justified? |
t3_3c8vb1 | relationships | [Non-Romantic] I[19F] am constantly anxious that my best friend[24F] of 3 years is going to replace me/dump me/etc | Throwaway for privacy reasons, I hope I'm posting this to an appropriate subreddit.
The title is self-explanatory, I think. My best friend and I met in 2012, and we clicked almost immediately. To this day, we're pretty much joined at the hip with almost every aspect of our lives (or... well, idk, we're internet friends, so we're as joined at the hip as we CAN be if we're not together IRL) We probably PM each other 8 hours a day give or take, skype pretty frequently, watch movies or tv shows on the weekends, do our own little activities... it's a pretty great friendship. She supports me a lot and treats me really well, and I try to do the same for her. We have a bit of an age difference, but we've talked about it and neither of us really care and it doesn't interfere with anything. The only hiccup is that on two separate occasions we've fallen out and stopped speaking for periods of time, and, well... even though things are great right now, I constantly have anxiety that something bad is going to happen to our relationship, and it makes me feel guilty KNOWING that there's nothing wrong and I feel anxious about it. I've spoken about it with her and she assures me there's nothing wrong and tries to help me with my anxiety, so honestly there's nothing she's doing wrong that's causing this. I feel upset when she does something as mundane as hangs out with other friends, and I just hold my tongue and try to deal with the anxiety associated with it because I -know- it's a shitty thing to be upset about. She deserves to have other friends of course, but I have this constant nagging worry that she's going to replace me.
What I'm asking r/relationships is this: am I a bad friend? Is there anything I can do to be a better friend? Is there any way I can bring this up with her and resolve this with a more long-term solution that isn't just dealing with the anxiety (without seeming like a crazy/clingy person either) | I have constant anxiety (and subsequent guilt) that my (great) best friend hates me/will dump me/replace me; what do? |
t3_396yyl | relationships | Me [45F] with my __75 & 81 year old friends_ of six years. A story of perspective. And a question of how to...what to say...to a person facing their own mortality. | I'm a 45 female trainer who manages community center gym for six years. These people I have known since I started working there.
The first part of the story is to share my experience today with those who may benefit from a little dose of reality perspective.
I have a horrible, misreable cold. Worse one in years. I slummed my way into work anyway, since no-doubt that's where I got the germ, so I was just careful to germicide everything I touched and kept my distance. But the six hour shift couldn't end soon enough.
Then I got a dose of reality. I was told a member of my senior exercise class had a heart attack. Not in class, nor related to my class, but at home, her ailing husband drove her to ER, she was flight for lifed to another hospital. She survived. She will be fine.
My cold doesn't seem so bad.
Then another dose of reality. I heard other bad news. An 81 year old who has been caring for his daughter who has a brain tumor in remission shared horrible news. He has terminal bone cancer. His daughters brain tumor came back. Both will be deceased by 2016.
Suddenly I am ashamed of complaining about my stupid cold.
So that's the dose of perspective. Now on to the question.
What do I say to my friend, the terminal cancer one, when I see him? I want to throw my arms around him and his wife and bawl my eyes out, hold hands and pray to God.
That doesn't seem like something someone in that position would want during their visit to the gym.
The other side of the spectrum seems no better. Pretend like everything will be alright?
What can be said? | those with experience facing their own mortality, or those who have dealt with loved ones who are, what do you want others to say? |
t3_3ecobw | relationships | Should I [F26] tell my boyfriend [M28] about my sexual history with a friend? | To start off, I will say I am a pretty sexual person and have had a fair number of casual sexual partners, some of whom are good friends of mine. most of These casual relationships had absolutely no emotional aspects to them.
My SO knows my friends, thought not well, but recently we have been seeing them more and he and they have been bonding a bit more. One friend in particular who I'll call Larry has been very friendly and seems genuinely interesting in befriending my SO. Larry and I had a casual hookup thing going on right before I started dating my SO. I don't think it's necessary to bring it up since I have zero romantic interest in Larry and it ended a while ago. I still consider him a good friend and there are no issues between us because of our sexual history.
My question is, is it worth it or even a good idea to bring it up to my SO? If they become friends I don't want him to find out and feel slighted in anyway... I guess I'm thinking into the future at it perhaps causing problems (though I don't think my bf would hold a grudge about it as we are very open and honest about everything). I don't want to be lying by omission or anything... | Used to hookup casually with a friend who is befriending my current SO. Is it worth it or a good idea to bring it up to my SO? |
t3_u6kj4 | AskReddit | Reddit, I don't get sad when people close to me pass away. Does this make me a bad person? | Okay backstory. Recently in my life there have been 3 sudden deaths (all occurring within the past 3 months). My grandmother passed away exactly 3 months ago quite suddenly and it didn't make me upset. My family ridiculed me for this fact because i didn't express the same emotions they do. I still attended the funeral/memorial but i was not saddened. My other grandmother passed away about a month ago, Same sort of feelings. Now just today my grandfather passed away and i'm not sad. It's not to say that we were close but at the same time we were not distant. I talked to him on the phone lots and visited when i could but his death, along with my other 2 grandmothers have not saddened me and my family makes a massive deal out of this often putting a guilt trip on me. That results in me feelings terrible about myself. Am i a bad person for not feeling sad upon the deaths of family members? | 2 of my grandmothers and grandfather have both passed away recently. I haven't felt sad once and my family ridicules me for this. Am i a bad person? |
t3_2rs76z | relationships | Me [28M] with my Girlfriend[20F] 1 month, having trouble interpreting some sexual behaviour. | First, some quick details:
This is a long distance relationship
We have known each other for 10+ years, but have only become interested in each other within the past 2-3 months.
I'm going to school in a different province, and I flew back to see family, friends, and her over the holidays. We really like each other, and I definitely see a future in it. When we finally got to spend the night together, we had sex multiple times, and she was definitely into it (behaviour and, uhh, physiological responses proved that to me), but I basically had to initiate everything.
I went down on her, and she got a lot out of it, but she did not even touch me "downstairs". She also claimed that she didn't like being on top because she couldn't feel anything, and when she got on top she couldn't seem to get me inside her (sorry for the graphic details).
None of this seems like a deal-breaker to me at this point, but it is important to me that at some point she becomes more active and reciprocal. I didn't broach the subject at the time because I didn't want to potentially ruin an otherwise amazing time. Now that we are apart again, I am unsure how to address this with her, or if I even should. Could this just be an age thing? Or does this behaviour seem strange? | I want to know if it is a bad sign that a 20 year old girl is not as active or reciprocal in bed as I would like or normally expect. |
t3_1g9kr6 | running | How often do you run? | (FYI, I'm 36 y/o, female, and slightly overweight but quite strong)
So I'm week 8 of the C25K and LOVING IT and I know I don't want to stop at 5k. I've already got my eye on an 8k in October, and a 10k in April -- and I don't just want to finish those, I want to finish them at a speed of 11km/hr or faster. (it's a long story)
Right now I'm averaging 8.5-9km/hr on a hilly course. I know I need to increase my distance and my speed, and my plan is to work up to doing 1 long run per week, some speedwork, race pace runs, 'easy runs' etc.
The only thing I'm struggling with is frequency. A lot of what I have been reading suggests that you need to be running 5-6 days per week, and then a lot of other sources suggest 3 days per week is sufficient. So which is it?
For the last few weeks I've been running 4-5 days per week, and at 5 days per week I seem to be sustaining some damage to my calves/lower tendons. I know I need to get hardened to running, and I thought that the way to do that was to just run more often... so I'm feeling a bit frustrated today as I missed this morning's run because my calves were sore enough that I knew I would injure myself.
I am being pretty careful about form when I am running, including keeping my strides straight and long, using a mid-sole strike, and keeping my abs and lower back engaged. With every run my form feels better and more smooth.
Recovery wise, I have a regular yoga practice, and on top of that I stretch my "problem areas" (hip flexors, calves and pecs) three times per day as per the instructions of an RMT that I have worked with for other sports. Before a run I warm up but don't stretch, and I do stretch after a run, as well as first thing in the morning and evening. | How many days per week should I be running if I want to build up my speed and endurance to be able to run a 10k in 55 minutes? |
t3_289do2 | tifu | TIFU by trying to fix a fan with superglue | So it being summer, it's starting to get hot where I live. My new fan had just broke so I had to bust out an old fan from my garage.
The last time I used it, I broke spinning "hub cap" covering the center of the fan off by pushing a large screwdriver into it, drilling a hole down the center, which also messed up the threads attaching it to the fan. I was really bored that day.
So my solution was to tilt the fan towards the ceiling and squeeze a hefty amount superglue down the hole I made so many years before (the fan was inside a cage so I couldn't just take it out without causing more damage)
So I wait about 10 minutes thinking that was enough time for it all to dry and I try to turn it on.
At first I didn't see anything wrong... Then I start to smell the glue and feel small drops around my face and arms. And I realize the glue hadn't dried and the fan had basically been spinning and blowing glue all over my room.
Luckily I was wearing glasses, so none got directly in my eyes, but some launched over and landed in my eyebrows and eyelashes.
I'm still picking small bits of superglue out of my arm hairs. Every time I move it basically yanks a few in the wrong direction. Now I'm afraid to turn the fan on. That and my iPad and floor is covered in drops of glue | I tried to super glue a piece of a fan back on, turned on the fan prematurely and sprayed my self with small drops of superglue |
t3_107pj2 | relationships | Breaking up over a speeding ticket? | Alright, I'll start off with some background info. Boyfriend and I have been together for about 4 months and up until this point things have been great. I'm a law enforcement dispatcher who aspires to be an officer one day and he's an EMT/firefighter, so we both have respect for emergency services. Or so I thought anyway.
Now to the problem...this afternoon, I'm happily asleep in my bed (I work graveyards so I'm asleep while he's going to work usually) when I get a call from him. He's raging about getting a speeding ticket. I mean raging, like calling the cop an asshole, saying that he had no right to pull him over even though he was going 5 over the limit (which I agree is low). The officer was apparently really rude and condescending. I agreed that the officer should have been more professional, but said that running traffic is part of his job. My exact words were "He did act out of line talking to you like that, and maybe he was wrong for citing you, but running traffic stops is part of his job."
He flipped out when I said that and said I don't support him, I'm just taking the cop's side. Also, that because I disagree with him that I'm against him and that's grounds for breaking up.
Am I missing something or is that completely asinine? | Boyfriend got a speeding ticket, I said "sucks, but cop is doing his job", now he wants to break up. |
t3_4fyygm | relationships | Me [30 M] with my ex-gf [28 F] of 10 years ago, confused at the current situation. | My distant ex (I'll call her A) and I dated 10 years ago for about a year. We broke up for young college students reasons that aren't really relevant anymore.
Over the years we would see each other and catch up maybe once a year.
Once maybe 6 years ago, we went to a concert, had a blast, I invited her to another a week later, and we went after she sent me an email explaining she was seeing someone and wanted to clarify the situation before she accepted.
Then I moved across the continent and to another country for almost 5 years and moved back to our city a year ago. We didn't really talked over that time period and I was in a pretty serious relationship for 3 years there.
After I moved back, we ran into each other and realized we lived closed by. We grabbed a drink once to catch up and that was it. A month later I had an extra ticket for a sport event I won at work, and since I couldn't find anyone, I invited her.
We ended up going, then listening to music and talking at my place for hours, grabbing dinner and overall having a great time together for maybe 10-11 hours.
Since that day, we've pretty much been texting every day, we hung out 2 times this week, and are planning on a third time this weekend.
I'm really not too sure what to make of the situation. I doubt if one of us wasn't single we would see each other that much or spend that much time together. At the same time, we haven't really been physical with each other on any of the times we have been together.
This whole thing has gotten me confused, and I'm wondering what I should do. Should we have a talk to kind of clarify what is happening? Should we just let it be and see what happens? I don't even know how I feel about her or if I would date her again, but I feel like the more we hang out, the more there is that growing element we should probably talk about.
Any similar experience or advice you guys have for me? | We broke up 10 years ago but stayed in contact over the years. Since about 2 weeks ago we've been hanging out and texting a lot. Should we clarify the situation? Should we just let it go and see what happens? |
t3_h9dbc | AskReddit | Can Anyone Help Me Find A Judge Joe Brown Episode from 2010? | Hey Reddit.
Last year my friends were on the show, [Judge Joe Brown] The episode aired on 5/04/2010. The episode should be #2672, but that is not 100% confirmed. Here is the full description "A man claims he loaned money to an exotic dancer and she won't pay him back; **a man fights a noise violation ticket**" The part in bold are my friends, the description *may* also be "former roommates fight a hefty noise violation ticket"
Further proof:
[TV Guide](
The show said they would mail them the tape after it aired, but that never happened. They have contacted the show in the past, but they have refused to send it. I would really like to surprise them with this episode, they have been DVRing reruns of the show for a very very long time trying to find it.
I have seen Reddit find some videos before in the past, so I figured it was worth a shot. Thank you for reading. | Friends on Judge Joe Brown on 5/04/2010, Episode #2672, Description "a man fights a noise violation ticket" Help me find it, please. |
t3_3in873 | relationships | Me [24 M] with my co-worker [27 F] were close but are now drifting apart | So this all started just about a year ago. She had just started working at the company that I work at and started in my room. We started talking and hit it off immediately. We would talk for hours while at work and had a lot in common.
She was dating a guy at that time and up until June of this year. After they split up we started hanging out outside of work hours. We were hanging out 2-3 times a week as well as with the 8 hours at work. Everyone always assumed that we were dating because we were always around each other. Recently she got a promotion and moved out of the room and onto a different shift. Things were okay at first and we still talked all the time regardless of being on different shifts.
We still hung out a lot outside of work and would fool around a bit each time we were together. Until she went to a wedding and she decided that she didn't want to do that anymore because she felt bad about herself doing stuff with other guys when she wasn't fully over her ex. I told her it was okay I was fine with whatever she wanted.
Last week then her ex told her that he was thinking about applying to were we work and was looking at moving to the area where she lives. Since then she has been entirely different and we barely speak. At this point I don't want to lose a chance at her or lose her as a friend even. I'm stressed out to the max about this and don't know what to do. | Met an amazing girl at work, started spending tons of time with girl, girl breaks up with boyfriend, start getting closer, then she talks to ex again and now she is getting very distant. |
t3_2kjmwy | relationships | Wow I'm pretty scared off at this point. Running for them hills. [RANT] | **Dating a guy for 1 MONTH! Ready to run for the hills. Throwing in the white flag. The towel. Hell the entire set of towels.**
**Back-story: **Met him through friends. Thought he was amazing. Told me he was a manager at a restaurant. Said he was looking for a long-term serious relationship. Said he liked me a lot. Spent a LOT of money on me.
**Red flags:**
Doesn't have a job. It was a ruse.
Unsure how he was able to spot the bill so many times with no job.
Unsure how he just bought a new car.
Brought it up. Lied to my face about it.
Has been **MARRIED.**
And after that relationship had a fiance.
And after that relationship had a second fiance.
Forgot to tell me all this. Found out through mutual friends.
Is only 26.
Told me he isn't talking/dating anybody else and wants to move towards being exclusive.
Funny that he's dating someone else.
**Stage 20 clinger status.** Texts me 24/7 erry day all day. And when I don't respond he gets upset. And then gets upset because he's the one always texting me first. Once, we didn't text for 5 hours. 5 hours!!!! And he got pisssssseeeed because I was "too busy for him".
How the HELL did I find this man? Since he's been lying, I'm lead to wonder what else he has lied to me about...I'm so out. It's done. Telling him tomorrow, probably via text/phone. Never dating again.
Ok probably dating again but not like this. | Wowed by lack of communication, outright lies, and overall disgusted my decision to date him. Breaking it off tomorrow. Giving up dating for awhile. |
t3_50cndt | relationships | I [24, M] had a great first date with her [23, F] and we scheduled a 2nd. She cancelled and said we have to reschedule. | Hi,
As the title says, I met this great girl on a relationship focused dating site and we had a great first date. It lasted hours, was effortless, smooth and transitioned from dinner to dessert to holding hands and making out. I walked her to her car and she even offered to drive me to mine and I gave her another goodbye kiss and asked when she was free again to get together. To which she responded "whenever!" So we made a 2nd dat. When she got home she texted me thanking me for dinner and a great night.
Between dates we texted minimally (1-2 messages a day) and a few days before not at all. I texted her to confirm before date #2 and she responded with she had been super busy the last couple days (new jobs starts Monday for her) to explain her lack of texting (I sent a message that she didn't respond to Friday). And that she had to drive home to see her brother propose since he wanted the whole family around. She ended with saying "we'll have to reschedule"
So I didn't blow up or anything. Seemed like a good reason to me. I said I understand that she was busy getting ready for her first week and I told her to let me know when she was free to get together again.
That was Saturday. I haven't heard anything since. Is it a lost cause? I don't want to give up so easily since we really did have great chemistry. | great date, made the second date on the spot. She cancelled haven't rescheduled yet. Move on? Send a gentle nudge text? Send a specific date and time for another date? |
t3_1kbvy2 | relationships | I[18M] broke up with my girlfriend [18] of 5 months, I don't know why even though I think I did the right thing. | I just got home from breaking up with my girlfriend. I know I'm young but I've gone through a lot of relationship experience and turmoil but this is new for me. This girl was literally perfect in every way and I think I broke up with her because of it.
I dated a girl for nearly 4 years before this, constant on/off, fighting, pain and heartbreak, largely in view due to her issues. In this more recent relationship I've been figuring out how to avoid assuming my girlfriend is going to be as crazy as the girl I used to date, especially since the girl I just broke up with was literally my dream girl. We never argued once, she accepted me on every level, she never judged me and she loved me deeply.
I broke up with her, I think, because I felt she was too close. I felt like I could hurt her and I don't trust myself to be reasonable and not overthink myself into boxes of alienation and seclusion and kill the relationship over time with my over analysis, so I just broke up with her today in order to avoid the long term bullshit I know an idiot like myself will generate. Does that make sense? I'm not sure it does, and I need to know if anyone has experience with similar thoughts, or if I'm just wrong. | I broke up with my perfect girlfriend because I was anxious that I couldn't live up to how much amazing she was, and I don't know if it was a good idea or not. |
t3_3j3zd3 | tifu | TIFU by almost setting a forest on fire | In my neighborhood there is a park which has a large forest area that goes on for a few miles. Me and my friend were going through the pyro phase at the time as we had found a few lighters in the forest, we started out by wrapping a small section of cloth around a large stick which made a surprisingly good torch.
My family frequently goes camping and we always had fires in a small fire pit, we got the bright idea to make a fire we could sit around in the forest. It was fall at the time so the forest floor was covered in dead leaves, the fire grew to a pretty good size and while we were admiring our creation when a lady with her small child arrived at the park and immediately shouted "Oh my god is there a fire down there?!"
The fire was spreading slowly so we panicked and tried to put it out, to no avail we started panicking along with the bewildered lady. I overheard her say something along the lines of "We need to call the fire department!" The only thoughts running through my head were how long I was going to be grounded for and that I was going to jail. We were in maximum panic mode when I heard my fathers voice calling for me, he had been trying to find me because it was time for dinner.
My father immediately started to put out the fire and explained how much trouble we could have been in and what could have happened. My dad literally arrived at the perfect time that could have been the difference from the situation going from bad to extremely bad. | Me and my friend being dumb about fires almost lit a forest on fire and got the cops called on us. Father arrived unexpectedly in the nick of time to prevent everything. |
t3_3891q7 | tifu | This weekend I screwed up my interview... | I'm shit with names, always have been, good with faces though. So A local company did a presentation at my college about openings and I thought " Okay I should apply..." I washed my most recent application of any references to company "A" and gave it to Jim and Bob from Company "B". Well I got n email less than an hour later when Jim and Bob got back to the office! I was rather ecstatic. We arranged for an interview, and I was talking to Jim via Email. Well come time for the interview I was meet with who I thought was Bob, and another gentleman we will call Joe. Well we go thought the interview they ask questions I answer them, some a little too honestly perhaps. Well in one of the questions I talk about the presentation Jim and Bob gave at my school, and with a very straight face, to Jim I say "The reason I applied was the presentation you and Jim gave,.." I talk about the things that caught my attention and piqued my interest. To his credit, and looking back both Jim and Joe,kept a very straight faces and didn't miss a beat. | Refereed to my interviewer as Bob, (his co worker's name) when his is in fact named Joe. He kept a very straight face. |
t3_1akfh1 | relationships | My (M15) complicated relationship with (F15) has pretty much been destroyed by me. | I am a M15 who has an extremely complicated friendship with my best friend F15 and this is how it all started. Last year during early summer I was set up with this girl (I'll call her Anne) we went out for a bit until we split up. I thought nothing of it because getting dumped is kinda norm for me. Fast forward two months ago and Anne and I have just started a very weird relationship I'd never expected or had. We have this weird touchy freely friendship( hugging, poking all that good stuff) everyone around us thought we were dating but we'd say no and they'd reply with you should and I really wanted to date this girl ( i knew she liked me because her best friend said she did but wanted to take things slow)I loved my best friend. Fast forward two weeks ago, Anne and I just got into school after reading week( we both travelled abroad during this week) so we kinda missed each other and that's when I decided to finally make my move on her. It's all south form here, she stormed away saying OMG and I thought to myself oh no. I gave her some space for a day until I decided to confront her. She won't talk to me at all on top of that she won't listen ( she puts her headphones in when I try to speak). I treasure my best friend above all and I don't want to lose her. What do I do from her? How do I confront her? | I M15 kissed my best friend F15. She no longer speakers or listens to me. What can I do to tell her I want nothing more than to keep my bestfriend |
t3_3e70vt | tifu | TIFU by telling a nice old lady how to do her job | This FU happened a few weeks ago but I only shared it with my friends yesterday, and due to their reaction, we all felt it deserved to be posted here.
I work in an office in the town and for my break I would walk to the shop to get a coffee. The shop has coffee loyalty cards, buy 8 cups of coffee and get your 9th free. You pay for your coffee and the person behind the till stamps your card.
Now, I live in a small town so we all try and help eachother out. So, on the day of this FU, I went to the shop on my break, paid for my coffee and handed my loyalty card to this sweet old lady behind the till. She takes the card and STAMP STAMP. TWO STAMPS! She hands the card back to me with a smile.
Now, obviously I know that it's only meant to be one stamp per coffee, so I hand the card back to her and say 'You were only meant to stamp the card once, I only bought one coffee and I need to buy 8 to get a free one. Now I only have to buy 7...' She interrupts me with a quiet 'Shhhhhh' as her boss walks past, and I realise I've just done one of the most cringeworthy things in my life. | Cashier purposely gave me double points on my loyalty card, only for me to correct her within earshot of her boss |
t3_1w1en8 | relationships | I'm [18 F] not sure if staying with my boyfriend [19 M] of a year and a half is wise. | So my boyfriend and I met in high school and began dating right as he went off 6 hours away to college. Long distance wasn't too bad, and he came home about once every month or two to see me and his family, which was tolerable.
Fast forward to now and I'm in college as well (about an hour and a half from our hometown) and I'm not sure if this relationship is what I want. My boyfriend is a GREAT person; so adventurous and funny and sure of our love (even though I'm his first GF). I love him SO much but I'm not sure if I'm still in love with him.
I'm not the cheating type, but with so many guys around it's hard not to develop little crushes or wonder what it would be like if I was single. This is probably "grass is greener" syndrome, but then I wonder about stuff like
-the fact we don't have an end date for long distance (he plans to get a job where his college is after graduating, and I'm not sure if I want to move there)
-we see less and less of each other as time goes on
-when we are together, our sex life is not completely fulfilling to me
I see that a breakup is probably imminent, but I don't know how to go about it without completely catching him off guard (although these are all topics we talked about, we have never come to solutions on any of them) and totally breaking his heart.
Like I said before I'm his first girlfriend so he has no experience with being dumped; I'm really not sure what to do. I love him but I don't think I want to be with him enough to keep this going. Any advice? | long distance relationship is getting hard to deal with but I love the guy, should I stay? And if I shouldn't, how do I limit the pain he feels from a breakup? |
t3_xtnmx | AskReddit | Origin of username: Reddit, where did yours come from? | I'll go first, but here's some info on a favorite snack of mine: [Peanut Butter & Jelly Sandwich](
With that mentioned, on to my story:
Long ago in another dead end job far, far away, there was talk of changing the menu for all the employees and such. One of the new introduced items was the famous PB&J sandwich. I immediately reflected on the many awesome sandwiches I consumed in my childhood consisting of the golden and grape combination that which, to me anyway, was the perfect sandwich. My coworker shared equal excitement for the new introduction. I mean for years we had to eat "grown up" meals of beans, soups, and other uninteresting cheaply made foods. But now we had a glimmer of hope coming our way. Now we'll finally have a meal on the menu from our time, not something your grandmother had 40+ years ago.
Finally, the day came. We were psyched (yeah, didn't take much then in the job we had at the time) and really pumped about the PB&J sandwich. Images flashed through my mind of what it was going to be: Two soft slices of white bread, smooth tan tinted peanut butter, and sweet grape jelly. I know it sounds stupid, but you must have never had a great PB&J sandwich. We arrive at the dining hall, put our trays up on the counter, and then the cafeteria dude put the bread on the tray. Then he scooped peanut butter onto the tray. Then he scooped a glob of jelly on the tray. The bread was not the bread I had imagined. It was stale and must disintegrate when it comes in contact with air. The peanut butter was not tan or even golden honey colored. It was a clump of deep brown clay that was not even smooth. Couldn't even spread it onto the bread. The jelly was not grape, strawberry, or even a type of fruit. Instead, it looked like a glob of yellowish clear snot. As we sat down at the table staring at our lunch, my coworker shook his head and just said, "Not what I expected." | Was hoping for PB&J sandwiches, was not made with PB&J, ended up being something I wasn't expecting. |
t3_12olq4 | AskReddit | Reddit, what do you know about Physical Therapy? | * What do you think a physical therapist does/what's the purpose of their work?
* Do you know of any misconceptions about Physical Therapy?
* What are some interesting sub-specialties you know of?
* How many years of schooling do you think it's take to become one/what do you know of the process/what do you think the core classes would be?
* How many volunteer hours do you think students need to be accepted into physical therapy school?
* What do you think are important traits that a physical therapist should attain?
* What examinations do students have to take before graduate school and after to become certified? | Just spew out your general knowledge on Physical Therapy. I need help with these questions for a survey, you ***do not*** have to be in the field to answer. |
t3_3aoy10 | relationships | Me [20F] and my boyfriend [23M] don't ever make out, and I feel like i don't get enough affection. | We've been together several months and i've fallen head over heels for him. But we don't kiss or make out and its really bumming me out.
at the start of the date, i get a peck on the lips or cheek, and a hug. He is pretty huggy sometimes, which I like, he'll hug me and talk to me for a few minutes just having his arms around me. but if i lean in for a kiss its just a peck.
We dont hold hands or cuddle at the movies. he doesn't try to kiss me. When we're at home we play board games so its hard to be affectionate when there's a game between us. We watch movies in bed, but he lays on his back, i rest my head on his chest- it just doesn't feel very affectionate :( I try to kiss him sometimes but he just smiles and returns to watching tv.
I loooovvvee kissing, but like i said i only ever get pecks on the lips. When I do kiss him for longer, he'll either kiss back for a minute then stop to hug me and go back to something else OR it turns into sex very quickly.
I like sex because he holds me tight and touches me all over and whispers how much he loves me. But now I've stopped wanting sex because i'm horny and started craving it just for the intimacy and being held.
Now it wasn't always like this... at first we made out for hourssss at a time. But once we started having sex, that stopped. :/ now we kiss for 10 seconds and he's already undoing his belt.
IS THIS NORMAL? Do some guys just not like kissing? Is it because he doesn't like kissing *me?* What is the best way to bring this up to him? I'm just used to guys wanting to kiss and make out all the time, and now I don't know how to handle it. | Whenever I kiss my boyfriend beyond a peck on the lips, he either turns it into a hug or sex within 10 seconds. |
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