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t3_1fnrjq | relationship_advice | Friend (M19) and GF (18) are having some issues. What should I tell him? | So, my close guy friend texted me today asking for advice with his relationship. They've only been dating about 5 months, and when they moved back home from college, his GF apparently got really "clingy". She demands they see each other every day, and gives him hell if he just wants to relax after work.
Also, apparently she'll do stuff and when he asks her to stop, she'll ignore him. He'll ask again in a sterner voice - nothing. Finally, when he snaps, she acts like he's crazy for getting mad.
Now, my friend is a pretty level headed guy, but he's having a hard time always being made out to be the bad guy. If he tries to calmly talk to her, she starts saying stuff like, "you're breaking up with me, you hate me, etc, etc." He doesn't know how to handle it or what to do. He wants to make it work, but doesn't know how to approach it without her getting offended. Again.
Now, as a female, I've never really dealt with this and suck at giving advice anyway. Thought reddit could help. He knows I'm a user and thought this was a good idea too. | Friend's gf is getting clingy. Makes him out to be the bad guy. Turns the tables when they talk. Won't listen to him. |
t3_2zbkap | relationships | I (24/F) may be overthinking this, but should I send my LDR BF (25/M) a housewarming gift? | We're hours apart and have been seeing each other online for only 6 months or so. We've not given each other gifts yet and never really talked about gifts.
He just moved to a new place and I was thinking of sending him a gift card as a housewarming gift. But I'm not sure if he will be happy to receive it. I'm worried that this well-meaning gesture might set up an expectation of gift-exchanging in future, which is not my intention at all. I could send a $25 gift card as a small token, so as not to create any expectation. But does $25 seem cheap?
I don't know, I want to give him something and make him happy, and there's this oppprtunity to now. :) But will it backfire? Do most guys appreciate gifts? Does it matter that I'm the first to send something tangible in this LDR? In such a new, online relationship, does a tangible gift (albeit a virtual gift card) signify any subtle meaning or any milestone, so to speak? | BF met online 6 months ago has a new place, should I break the no-gifts-yet status quo and send him a $25 housewarming gift card? |
t3_3df0wh | relationships | Me [16M] with my girlfriend [17F] of a year and a half, my world has kind of been flipped upside down | I don't know how to start this but my girlfriend and I went to a very small forty person school. We connected and began dating and have had tons of fun. Her family quickly started to like me and there have seldom been any issues, most of them around her ignoring me to spend time with her friend, as in full on dump our plans and spend the rest of the day with her friend.
She comes from a very Christian family, so a few months ago we talked with her mother that we chose to stay abstinent. She has also used her mother as a outlet when she needed advice on passing through sexual desires, an I was proud she had asked for the advice. Her parents really do like me as a person and feel I am a great person and they really respect me, that has even been said openly today by them to me.
However they're worried because we kind of have worked out what we'd like our future to be. They want her to have time to grow and become a strong and independent person, instead of going from dependent on them to dependent on me. I get that, as this was her last school year and she will be taking a year off to figure out what she wants I have always actively tried to help her figure that out and I agree it should be what she wants not around our idea of our future. They've made it clear they want us both to be happy but also not to be restricted by our relationship.
Tomorrow my girlfriend and I are going to discuss all the details of today, however I need advice. The ending part of the conversation her mother said that she thinks it'd be best if we worked to figure things out ourselves and maybe try and reconnect in the future. I don't want to, and I am rather certain my girlfriend doesn't either but I am heavy conflicted. | My girlfriends parents want her to maybe take some space and time to figure out her life for herself. I'm really conflicted, reading the whole thing would make a lot more sense since I struggle from a lose of words right now. |
t3_2jdexy | relationships | My [M22] family pictures include ex-gf, current SO [F21] (of ~1.5 years) is not OK with this | Hey all,
My parents have one of those digital photo frames. Really cool, just shows a slideshow of images on it or from the cloud. Anyway:
My family and I moved away from the US 16 years ago. As such, I have little contact with my extended family, so any time together is precious. Last visit was Christmas nearly 3 years ago. While there we took many pictures, many of which include my then-girlfriend. It was a serious relationship, I even proposed a few weeks after the photos were taken. We broke up a year and a half ago, shortly after my current SO and I started dating.
The issue is this - the photo frame shows pictures from that visit, a few include my ex. However they are all group shots with my parents, siblings and extended family. My girlfriend doesn't like that these photos are dull being shown in the slideshow. I agree with her on the one hand, on the other hand, they are family photos, and are especially precious because my late great grandmother is in them.
I'm not sure what to do. On the one hand I wouldn't want to have to keep on seeing photos of my SO's ex, on the other hand they're some of the last photos of my great grandmother. | Girlfriend doesn't like group family photos containing my ex in parents photo frame. On the other hand, the photos also have my deceased great grandmother. |
t3_gxldi | AskReddit | So Reddit, what was the closest you've ever been to being caught while masturbating? | My closest call was when I was 16. I was lounging about the house in my bathrobe, watching a bit of porn, when my mom fuckin ninjas her way up the stairs and is in the hall and yells my name. I freak the fuck out, switch to another window, and she walks in just as I get my robe over the ol' johnson. Then, cool as ice, she asks me to empty the dishwasher right away. So I get up, go downstairs (still no underwear on at this point) empty the dishwasher, and go back up to my room and lay on the bed with my heart beating 200 times a minute for a while. | My mom almost walked in on me jacking it when I was a kid and told me to empty the dishwasher with only a bathrobe on but didn't notice. |
t3_ive9n | AskReddit | I am so lost. What should i do? | I am in a very bad predicament. I was going to go to the junior college of A&M, Blinn, and I was going transfer over my junior year to A&M. I already took 30 hours at a junior college near my house in Dallas. A normal degree would have a lot of classes you could take at a smaller institution, but my degree (computer science) only has about 45-50 hours i could take at a junior college before i would need to transfer. I was planning on going to A&M the fall of 2012, but spring 2011 would have been fine. Only one thing though, I don't have the grades to transfer yet. I made a high C in both of my calculus classes along with about a 2.5 GPA. They won't look over them and wont accept me straight into a computer science major. I have already signed my apartment and it would cost $500 dollars to get out.
Here are my options:
1) Retake calculus 1&2 and hope to get an A. Then apply again and hope to get accepted.
2) Pay the $500 dollars and move back to Dallas and go to UTD.
3) Pay the $500, move back to Dallas, and do the fall semester here and apply again.
4) I was thinking of maybe trying to transfer into as something else, maybe an undecided, and try to transfer into a Computer Science major after a semester or two.
5) Any suggestions?
Any help would be MUCH appreciated! Thanks in advance! | A college wont accept me as a transfer student for my degree. How can I still get accepted into this college by this spring semester? |
t3_38tjs3 | relationships | Is it possible to fall in love with time? | I (20/F) have been dating my boyfriend (19) for a month or so now.
He is amazing, caring, understanding, smart. I fell for him, I would even say I'm in love.
But he is not. He says for him it takes time, that only if he gets to know me well enough can he have deeper feelings for me.
Is this how it works for some people?
I have always been the type to fall for someone pretty quickly.
And I admit that we know little about each other and we have a lot to work on, to get closer.
But... is it worth it if he doesnt have that kind of feelings for me? | boyfriend of a month says he loves me but is not in love with me, I'm wondering if he will fall in love with time, or if we should end this so that I dont develop deeper feelings. |
t3_17hgf0 | Pets | A couple cat questions, random meowing and possible boredom. | I hope I can keep this short. A couple months ago I adopted a 10 year old Siamese. I know the breed is know for 'talking' but she meows at weird times for no apparent reason. If I leave my closet door open, she might decide to go have a look but will meow the entire time (the door is open though). More recently, it's been the bathroom (which is usually open because I keep her litter box there). Can I tell is she is looking to call my attention to something, or if her meows are simply her being a Siamese?
I'm also concerned she's bored. My apartment is about 650 square feet. She isn't all that active, but I am concerned she typically only shows interest in a toy if I play with her. The one exception is a string I have hanging in a convient location, and she usually plays with that if she's been trying to get my attention for a while. I want to make sure she's stimulated when I'm not at home.
I don't want to let her outdoors, her former owner declawed her and her teeth are not in great condition. I have other concerns about letting her outside so I'm trying to keep her stimulated in doors and would like to know if there is anything more I can do besides leave toys around. | 10 year old Siamese I've had for a few months meows at odd times, and I worried she's bored. Does the meowing mean anything and what is there available to keep her stimulated indoors? |
t3_3bfnxo | personalfinance | Car Insurance and Credit Score Impact | Apologies for the wall of text, just not sure how to procede:
I recently had a fire lit under my ass to finally get all my finances and that aspect of my life in order. In doing so I have paid off my two credit cards (both long been closed by the creditors), and paid for deletion the three collections I had opened. The only thing left open is a car loan on a truck I had cosigned which I am not making payments on, but that will be paid in full as of May 2016 (personal making payments has never missed a payment and has the money so they presumably never will).
I am finally getting a car of my own after being without one for over 2 years and was curious about just how much my credit score can affect my ability to get car insurance. I ask this because I am also finally able to be pre-qualified for secured credit cards again and would like to take up Capital One up on their offer (I know it's not the greatest card, but I have to make up for missed payments somewhere, right?).
So my question is should I wait and take up the offer for card until after I get insurance, or will it not make enough of a difference to make the insurance company care?
Stats that may or may not be important:
I'm a 26 year old male
TransUnion Score (according to CK): 592 as of 6/22
Equifax Score (according to CK): 590 as of 6/22
Experian Score (according to credit.com): 630 as of 6/20
The final 2 collections have not been deleted as of yet (I have that they will be in writing, so it's not just hopeful thinking) so that might change the scores for the better when CK updates tomorrow for me.
Currently have $0 in open Credit
My average Age of History is 2 Years 10 Months
I do intend to move on August 1st and have not signed nor applied for an apartment yet. | Fixed finances, need car insurance, should I get the secured card before or after I get the insurance? Or wait even further for the CC until I get a place rented for August 1? |
t3_1uyi7i | relationships | [20 M] It's been damn near close to a year, and I'm getting really tired of still not being over my ex. | It's been a while since I've been here. In a lot of ways, I'm feeling a lot better than I was when the break up first happened. Which is to be expected of course.
It's just that it's still not particularly uncommon for me to think about her, or miss her. (We dated for between a year and half and two years, by the way.) I feel like I still can't have anything to do with her.
It's hard to always feel like I have to worry about possibly running into her somewhere, talking to mutual friends, being afraid of coming across pictures, or maybe something on Facebook. I'm always so afraid that something's going to remind me.
It's so frustrating that thinking of her still brings me down, that stumbling across pictures still makes my heart drop. I'm feel like I'm just getting worn out. I feel so helpless knowing all I can do is try to keep getting out and doing things, and let time do the work.
Sometimes I wonder if it's because there are still things I want to get out and say to her. Things like explaining why I was the way I was, and apologizing for letting it effect our relationship. Apologizing for being such a poor boyfriend towards the end.
I've thought about maybe contacting her just so I can get it out and maybe move past this. But I can't guarantee it would even work. Plus, I wouldn't want to bother her, as I believe she's moved past it, and I can only imagine it would make her feel awkward. Hell, I'd probably feel awkward.
You know, the more I think about it, I don't think I even need to feel over her. I think I just want to feel some progress. I feel like I've been here for a long time. I just want to stop thinking about her, and that would be a huge step. I just don't know how.
Ugh.
I suppose this is just more me venting than anything, but thank you for listening. I'm open to any advise you may have. | After damn near a year, I still feel like I'm far from over my ex, and I feel like I'm just getting worn out. |
t3_37irk1 | weddingplanning | No recent weddings to draw inspiration/advice from... | A lot of the threads on this wonderful subreddit mention thinking about what you enjoyed about other weddings you've been to, what you hated, etc.
Here's the thing. I've been a bridesmaid more than 5 times, but they were all more than 10 years ago. I can't remember a single detail about any of them apart from what I can glean from photos. I can't remember the ceremonies at all.
My birth parents never married. My dad still isn't married, but my mom got married when I was 6. She wore a suit (married a man, just really not a dress person), it was in a tiny registry office and the "reception" was a meal at a pub.
We're both 20, and have never been to any weddings together. FH's parents are married, but their views on traditions are so different to ours I wouldn't be able to draw inspiration from them. I know I want a traditional wedding but with big twists, like not in a church, splashes of colour in my dress, things like that. But the problem is, I have no one in my life with wisdom I can draw from, and I feel like it's holding me back from taking the plunge.
I'm researching and looking into bridal fairs and pinning like there's no tomorrow, but I can't shake the feeling I'm going in blind! We would be the first of our friends to get married so I guess we would be some wisdom for our friends when their time comes - but where's my wisdom to draw from?!
I'm really struggling to take the plunge. I feel like any decisions we make will be wrong.. Has anyone else been in this position? | We will be the first marriage among both our families and friends in over 10 years - the trendsetters, I guess. Where do I get MY inspiration from? |
t3_545cow | relationships | Me [M18] and my gf [F18] (6months), gf constantly in pain and I don't know how to help | Hey guys,
My gf of 6 months has told me (before we started going out and on a regular basis) that she has been in pain her entire life. She has seen several people previously about it before but nothing came out of any of the visits.
She mainly experiences really bad back, head and stomach pain and I don't know how I can help. All I've been able to do sofar is to basically be there if she needs to talk about anything.
Her dad is very socially awkward and I feel as though he doesn't accept me so I don't really want to start running around booking appointments for her because he probably won't approve.
But then again, I want to make a significant improvement to her quality of life and I feel bad standing by watching it happen
She also has quite bad teeth which cause her a fair bit of pain but she keeps putting off making appointments due to her heavy uni work load despite my best efforts to get her to call
I really need some help as to how I can support and help her
Thanks guys, I appreciate any comments :) | gf always has and still experiences alot of pain in various parts of the body and I don't know how I can help |
t3_3cmmdf | relationships | My (21F) BF (24M) did not sort a court issue in time and might have to pay a big amount of money | Hi Reddit,
I have a bit of an issue with my boyfriend. He had an issue with the court where he got a big fine (25k+) for something he did not do, about 4 years ago. Someone racked up all these fines driving his car while he did not have a driver's license yet but got the car to learn. A close family member did the crime and hid the letters send by the court for him. He was unaware of the issue until 3.5 years ago when more letters were sent out. He asked family member to sort out issue and they advised they did.
We got together 3 years ago and I became aware of the issue about 2.5 years ago. I pressured him to check if it had been sorted as letters got hidden from him. Problem not sorted as promised by family member. He said he would try sort out the issue with family member himself.
Issue not sorted out by family member as promised AGAIN as we received further written communication stating fines still there. He kept pressuring family member to take responsibility of this, and they did very recently sign a statement taking a responsibility. I pressured my boyfriend 2.5 years ago, when family member did not do again what they promised, and have court hearing if needed. I told him the longer he waits to sort out, the worse it looks on him. He said he wanted to wait for statement of family.
He send in statement recently and we now received letter saying that evidence not sufficient. Upon calling them, court advised he waited too long. Now he will have a court hearing. I am terrified. We do not have 25k and I do not want to pay off someone else's crime for years.
I know I should wait for court but I am so upset with my boyfriend as I told him not to wait to sort this out and he told me when we get this statement all would be fine. It's not.
Sorry for the incoherent story, bit emotional now. | My boyfriend did not sort out a court issue in time as he was waiting for responsible family member to sort out, now we potentially have 25k hanging above our head. |
t3_3j6exd | running | Foot a little weird from old running shoes? | Since leaving high school back in 2012, I always kept my old running shoes. From Senior year in 2011 up until summer of 2014, I'd used the same shoes for 3 years. I didn't run as much in college, so I didn't think it'd be worth spending another $100 on new shoes.
Well I started running a lot more in 2014. Not too much, but maybe 20-30 mile weeks. It was enough to start making my feet hurt. I noticed that my right foot hurt a lot more, and it was because the sole was so destroyed on the toe side that it actually sunk down.
Eventually, I bought new shoes in fall of 2014, but by that point I think the damage was done. Even when I walk now, I feel a lot more pressure on my right big toe compared to the rest of the foot. Like when I walk with left foot it feels normal, with the weight distributed somewhat evenly. But it's completely off for me on my right foot. When I run for more than a few miles now, my right foot will start to hurt, and I think running for that long with my foot has gotten my lower back to hurt more as well.
Is there anything I can do to remedy this? I was thinking about orthopedics but those are usually more for problems with the arch. | Fucked up my foot with 3 year old running shoes. Foot problems continued even with new shoes. Is this permanent? Can I fix it? How? Help pls. |
t3_1p5v7f | relationships | What are some ways I [33/M] can 'offer' to my wife [34/F] to be involved in OUR family without seeming too deep yet? | My wife moved out in March 2012, we were married since 2003. She moved out because I went into a midlife crisis, got depressed, and started drinking, and got really really dumb and started talking to her about opening up our marriage. We have a 5yo son.
Now she's dating someone who is a nice guy, but honestly when I have seen them they look like coworkers talking at the water cooler than lovers.
I have not only gotten back on track, but I have my business rolling better than ever.
She keeps exhibiting signs that she's simply afraid to let me back in. For obvious reasons, I hurt her really bad. For example, I'll go to pick up our son on a Friday eve and we're all chatty and joking around, and then Sunday comes and she's pushing me away really cold. That hurts. But you can tell she loves seeing me on Friday- she even followed me around while I played with our son, like she couldn't get enough!
When we got together, we had been best friends for 3 years and then one day, the magic happened. We KNEW right then that we would be together for the rest of our lives.
The problems all started when my mom died- she came from an abusive family and I really didn't handle her death very well. Turns out I had a lot of healing to do. :( I'm not blaming her, but it was the catalyst.
So anyway, we deeply love each other. People always said "when I get married, I want to be like you guys." I can see she cares, but she is afraid of being hurt, and there are a lot of physical walls up.
I'm looking for ideas to offer to her to casually be around me to see how much I've grown and changed, without her having to make any sort of a commitment. The only time I see her now is for that 5 minutes just before and after I pick up our son. | I hit a midlife crisis, wife moved out and doesn't trust that I'll never hurt her again. Looking for ideas to show her how she can trust me. |
t3_w2lan | relationship_advice | [22/m] Was she (20/f) just playing with me or is she worth fighting? | Hi, i met this girl a couple of weeks ago. We got on very well and laught and spent a lot of time together. We have a lot in comon (interests, roots, music etc.) The day we met we started making out and things quickly gained speed. We were petting every where...she loved the thrill of public petting.
She don't lives in my city but is here over the summer. She was always saying i should come to her town and that she was thinking about living in my city. Finally i was feeling happy and found the perfect women for me. She was allways saying she wants to fuck with me but i didnt wanted to hurry. The sex is then definitly better ;) She then started her job and had a lot to do so we didnt see each other alot for the next weeks. I started feeling that she wasnt that interested any more. So yesterday we met again and i asked her what was going on. She told me only briefly that she was in a relationship 3 months ago and now she is having feelings again for that guy.
I asked her if she just wanted to fuck and why she was then hanging out with me and stuff. She replied that her parents were having trouble in their marriage and that it was really shaking her emotionally. And that i was the only person she could talk to...
I dont know what to do? Im really hurt and dont know if i could handle a second rejection. On the other hand, she is just perfect and the girl i was always dreaming of. | First couple of weeks every thing was great, perfect girl. Then out of nothing she admited still having feelings for her exboyfriend. And was just hanging out because of trouble at home. |
t3_3fpbvl | relationships | My [34F] brother-in-law [27M] used me as a reference for a job with the police while committing academic fraud. | I hate that I'm in this position.
My sister's husband is doing classwork for his father because his dad cannot be promoted to CEO without a college degree. If I remember correctly, there are others competing for this position. BIL and his mother are essentially completing this degree online on his behalf. BIL told me he was doing this himself.
I do not know my BIL very well. I met him a year ago and I've been around him a total of three times because he lives in another state. The last time that I saw him, he commented that it bothered him that police weren't allowed to shoot at fleeing suspects anymore. He thought that was reasonable behavior and I strongly disagree.
I've been sent a questionnaire asking about his character. Two of the questions are: "Do you consider the candidate to be an honest person?" and "Is there anything about the applicant's character that you feel might disqualify him/her from public service?" I don't feel like I can answer those questions honestly without jeopardizing his job.
BIL and sister have a baby under a year old. BIL has no job right now and they have no health insurance for themselves (the baby has insurance).
My husband has been the victim of police violence and as a couple we have had to pay out almost $10k in lawyer fees because of one very corrupt cop. I don't want to cost my BIL this job, but he's demonstrated to me that he's willing to commit fraud if it will gain his family an advantage and I know that sort of attitude is a major problem in our police forces right now. He also seems to think favorably of cops who resort to violence.
I'm not sure how to handle this. My answers will be confidential, but I have a feeling that if he is turned down, he will eventually figure out it was because of me.
I feel like my options are: 1) lie, 2) neglect to answer the questionnaire, 3) tell the truth. None of these make me feel great. | BIL used me as a character reference for a job as a cop. I don't think he's qualified, but my sister and nephew's financial security is also at stake. I don't know what to do. |
t3_3of2wc | tifu | TIFU By walking into on my parents with my dick out | This happened this morning.
Background info: I sleep with only a T-shirt on. Don't ask why just a T-shirt yet nothing to cover my bits, I just do. Also, the kitchen in my house is literally 10 feet from my bedroom (bungalow).
So I woke up this morning tired as hell and really just wanting some cereal. So I get my ass over to the kitchen to get said cereal, where my parents are currently eating their breakfast. I go about my business, grabbing the stuff I need; it wasn't till I was getting my spoon and looked down that I realized I forgot to put on the pajamas I "wear to bed" back on.
Now keep in mind that I've been in the kitchen for a good minute now just wandering around, and they haven't said a word. That's the level of fuck up this is.
Anyways. So I basically just put my cereal stuff down and return to my room to hide from them for the next hour, passing my time as I make this post. | Woke up tired with dick out, walked into kitchen where my parents were eating with said dick out, hiding for the foreseeable future. |
t3_u9psi | relationships | Girlfriend Detoxing from Suboxone- should I wait it out? | I'm a 21 yo male she is 23. We met in rehab last year. Been dating on and off since.
I've detoxed from heroin before so I kinda know what to expect. It just seems like her detox is much longer. I haven't been on a date with her in three weeks. Its always I go to meetings with her (AA) and then we hook up after. I realize she's going through a lot. its just she had two weeks off from school and I barely saw her. She's been detoxing for 1 week now. I work full time, in my mind I think she would want to spend my weekends with me. This three day weekend I saw her once, for about a hour.
She feels that I don't appreciate what she does for me enough. I feel that I go out of my way to compliment her more than I have in past relationships.
Tonight, after she told me she wouldn't be able to see me all day, we made plans to go to an alcholics anonymous meeting, which we always go to on this night. She didn't show up and didn't answer my call, or bother to call me. She texted me half way thru that she won't be coming. And that was that.
I get the vibe that I need to play harder to get, but honestly if my gf doesn't enjoy talking to me or think its important to call ahead if she's cancelling I feel that I should move on. She says she is in love with me, and I am too I think. She says she wants to spend her future with me. | Does anyone have advice in this situation? Should I stick it out a few more weeks in the hopes that once she is better we will see eachother more? |
t3_2sa4c6 | relationships | Me [22/F] with my boyfriend of 2 years [25/M] - Is he abusive? | *First, let me apologize for the throwaway. I have a few IRL friends that know my main account, and I'd rather not have them see this.*
Alright, moving on.
I have been dating my current boyfriend for two years, and it's only recently that I'm getting worried he might be abusive - or at the very least, getting there. We've had a few nasty screaming matches (as every couple does) but the last few fights, he's:
* Broken two of my hairbrushes
* Pinched my arm when I accidentally "talked over him"
* Held my arm / shoulder so tight it bruised (Albeit, that's not hard to do as I bruise easily.)
And those are just the few things I can remember. He gets unnecessarily angry about little things (i.e. me forgetting to do the dishes, or fold the laundry. I work 5 days a week, and my hours are early in the morning. On occasion, I will forget to do something small when I get home.) He gets mad to the point that he will threaten to leave me for these little things, and it's left me in a state of fear and worry for the past few months. I've read that being terrified of someone leaving can be a sign of an emotional manipulator, and since reading that, I've been even more worried. Everytime we get in a little spat, I nearly have a panic attack because I think he's going to leave me.
I love this man with all of my heart - he is truly everything I could've ever asked for, but I don't know what to say to him. His behavior isn't acceptable, but if I try to bring that up, he gets angry and storms out. I want him to go to a therapist - how do I bring that idea up to him, without angering him? Is there any hope that he can change his actions? Or should I just leave him, before it gets worse?
*I should note, he apologized for grabbing me. Not for the pinching, or breaking my hairbrushes. | I'm worried my SO might be going down an abusive path & I'm not entirely sure what to do about it. |
t3_3zmscs | relationships | Me [27F] with my husband [32M] of 8 years, trying to leave. | So I'm 27F and I've been with my husband almost 8 years. Things haven't really been right for a few years now, and I feel that I'm no longer in love with him. However, I have reconnected with a friend from my teenage years and surprisingly everything does feel right with him and I feel like he provides me with the love and feelings I've always wanted, but never felt I deserved.
I've been honest with my husband and we've talked about divorce, what would happen, that I'd be with this guy, and that I deserve my chance in being happy. I've started to work on separating, as it's not fair to either of them to stay where I am when I obviously now where my heart is at.
I tried to change my cell number to a new plan, but it turns out my husband isn't approving it with the company (I'm on his plan right now), though I've had this number for 13+ years so I feel it's mine. Also, he is constantly looking at the phone bill and getting upset or mad at me for talking to the new guy when I've made things pretty clear.
On top of that, we have a 1 1/2 year old son together, so we've discussed what would happen when we split. I'm willing to keep him involved in my sons life, since that it his father, and so is the man I am in love with. However, my husband told me he intends to take my son away from me and has been arguing alot.
I'd love advice or thoughts on this situation as far as what I should do. I've "tried again" with my husband multiple times and it just isn't right, but I feel like I'm hurting him. He's cried to my parents, my sister, and friends and I feel like a terrible person. | i want to be with this other person I've known for years and I'm in love with. My husband has me under constant surveillance and threatened to take my son away from me, what should I do? |
t3_377xri | relationships | Me [25F] with my boyfriend [25M] of 3 months, do I tell him I have history with visiting friend [26M]? | *throwaway since all involved parties are redditors*
I have been dating my boyfriend for about three months and we have a great relationship and great communication. One of my male friends stayed over at my apartment a couple weeks ago (he was visiting my city) and my boyfriend was completely fine with it (I spoke to him about it beforehand to make sure he was comfortable).
In a couple of weeks, I have another male friend coming to visit (and stay with me) with his brother. He is one of my best friends from college. The issue is that me and this friend have been sexually involved on two occasions. I did have volatile romantic feelings for him but now see him as a platonic friend.
I have already told my boyfriend that this friend is visiting, but not that we have been sexually involved in the past. Should I tell him or is this creating drama for nothing? | Friend is coming to visit. Should I tell my boyfriend that this friend and I have been sexually involved in the past? |
t3_1ttqq5 | relationships | Me [17 M] with my childhood friend? [17 F] knew each other in elementary, she moved, came back and got really close and she moved again, I feel like I'm the only one trying to maintain the relationship? | So we used to go to elementary together, and we were "dating" but we were kids so it was nothing. She moves around 5th grade to another country and life goes on. She comes back 7th grade and we get really close and this goes on for about 2 years. She moves away.
A year after she moves, I too move. I've never moved before so the first year was rough on me, getting used to a new environment and what not.
So now its been 3 years. I really don't want to lose this relationship so I tried to keep in touch. I sent her messages, talking about what I've been doing, asking her what she's been up to. She doesn't reply, and at this point I've sent like 3 long messages on Facebook that she has seen. So I stopped because I was afraid that I was coming off as desperate. I had to get a friend to talk to her to talk to me.
She says she's been super busy since its junior year and what not but it shows up on my newsfeed that she's talking to other people. Its gotten better since my friend talked to her, but I always have to initiate, which is fine but sometimes I feel like she's taking her time in responding if at all. | I'm trying to keep in touch with a girl long-distance but it feels very one sided (my side) What do I do? |
t3_46dtam | relationships | Is it okay for your partner (M18) to not think you're (F19) special if they value you? | Bf and I have been dating roughly 10 months now. We jumped into a relationship very shortly after his exgirlfriend broke up with him. Initially I'd have never guessed the current issue would have been a problem, it was so nice to have my emotional enthusiasm about my partner matched (I have a long history of dating emotionally unavailable and mildly abusive people). My only original concern was that I wouldn't live up to the gap his ex had left.
Fast forward to today and things have slowed down as things tend to after a little bit. Valentine's Day was rough I have sunk a lot of effort into crafting a handmade gift of a rose made from all his favorite science related things, really tried hard. He didn't really look at it and that hurt and I mentioned it to him, he kinda glanced it over and said it was very nice.
We went out to dinner and I was mentioning a guy (earlier in life) who had decided that he fell in love with me though we'd never been on a date, kissed etc. I was just kind of speculating because I think someone stating you have that kind of bond with someone else without knowing them is tricky and not always real. So I posed the question why this guy has decided such a thing.
He responds with "Well I mean you're only human" I wasn't certain what that meant so I asked him to elaborate and basically he says that he doesn't think there is any special reason that guy did that because inherently people aren't special.
I have a feeling he may have noticed the shift in my mood at that point because later that night he mentioned that "I didn't have to be special because he values and cares about me". I understand the sentiment, but I'm having a hard time reconciling it in my head. I absolutely adore and love this guy and think that he is absolutely special and that's why I dated him and I think it hurts a bit to not have that same enthusiasm.
Hearing others perspectives would be very appreciated! | Boyfriend made a passing comment at dinner suggesting no one is special (myself included) but later suggested that it was okay because I was valued by him |
t3_2y2eip | relationships | How to get over anxiety while performing oral on my partner? | I [F22] have been in a relationship now for a 6 months with an amazing guy [M22]. This is my first relationship post-depression and I've noticed that I become extremely submissive in bed, when before my depression I wasn't. I get anxiety at the thought of giving my current partner oral, etc., when this was never a problem for me with my past partners before I had my depression.
I've been thinking that maybe that fact that he is uncircumsized is something that throws me off? The first few times we had sex I (stupidly) didn't notice and pulled too hard on his foreskin, causing him some discomfort. It may be a factor that scarred me/gave me anxiety to further any oral with him. I have given him oral a few times despite my anxiety however it is brief.
I have had zero bad thoughts/signs of depression for about 1 year. However, this anxiety that gets to me is something new that I'm experiencing and I don't understand why I have it. Is there any way to get over this? I literally freeze up while in bed and although I'm open with my partner about this situation he doesn't seem to mind too much. But deep down I feel awful and I want to change this situation because I really like him, I want to pleasure him because he deserves it. But this anxiety is a little bitch and is stopping me. | Never had anxiety before my depression while giving head to previous partners. Now no longer depressed and with amazing guy who deserves head 24/7 but have extreme anxiety at thoughts of doing so |
t3_53ryfn | relationships | I [25 M] read WAY too much into my relationship with my [25 F] gf of 4 months. How can I change this? | I've been dating a girl for about 4 months now and I recently moved away. I wanted to break it off because I knew that long distance relationships suck but she talked me into giving it a try since she explained that she would be out here for work soon. We talk everyday and for most the part it's fine. We haven't fought or anything but I notice that my mind will wander like crazy and jump to conclusions about things that are completely irrational.
For example, if we're texting and she randomly stops texting for a couple of hours, my mind will race with different ideas that I've done something wrong or she's upset or it's over. I KNOW that this is f*cking crazy and completely illogical and irrational but I can't seem to keep my brain from doing this.
And it doesn't happen everyday, it's just like I'll get this feeling that something is off and it makes me feel super anxious. I looked into this and realized that I might have the anxious pre-occupied attachment style.
Another issue that creates this discomfort and anxiety is that we don't speak the same first language. So, sometimes her texts come off as short and blunt. And when I can't see her or hear her I have no idea what the tone of the message is like.
I haven't bothered her about reassuring me or even explained to her that I feel like this because I feel like that would be the beginning of the end. I know that type of behavior can push a girl away so I've kept it all inside.
I'm just looking to see if anyone has had a similar experience feeling like this and what they have done to take steps to get rid of these feelings or to combat these types of emotions. I think it's pretty odd for a dude to feel like this and If I could explain why I'm like this I would solve it myself. | I read too much into my relationship and often feel anxious that there is a problem when there usually isn't. My irrational behavior is making me very uncomfortable and I'm looking at how to stop doing this! |
t3_i97nc | AskReddit | Reddit, I keep getting copy after copy of the same video game in the mail and I am NOT buying them. Any idea what's going on? | BACK STORY: About a month ago, I ordered a used copy of L.A. Noire from an Amazon.com seller. Took about 2.5 weeks to arrive.
The day after, I received a "gift" from Walmart.com, purchased by a woman in Texas I didn't know. Many an e-mail and phone call later, they said she bought the game for someone else and a glitch in their system sent it to my address.
Exactly one week later, I received another copy in the mail from the same seller that I purchased my initial used copy from. I did not purchase another, and the seller has yet to return my e-mail.
Friday morning I received TWO copies from an eBay seller. Again, I did not make either purchase.
Neither my credit, nor debit card has been charged for any of the 4 additional games. I have since removed my address from all accounts and changed my passwords.
I don't know if this is one person buying them and sending them to my address, or if there's some weird computer glitch that's putting my name up for all these damned copies. Has anyone ever heard/experienced something like this before? | I have 5 copies of L.A. Noire, and only paid for one. Someone/some glitch has sent me 4 more copies. Please help. |
t3_36irlv | relationships | I [18 M] was dumped by my [17 F] girlfriend after a little over two years, need advice to cheer up and get back on my feet. | Essentially what the title says. I know it was a high school relationship and from the outside it seems like it was so petty, but to me she was my world.
It began to end after being together for two years. She kinda began to act more secretive, like keeping her phone down (another teenager petty thing, but still, acting like she was hiding things made me nervous). Found out she was talking to someone that was "treating her nicer/better" (one of her friends that took an interest in her, she knew him before me). We had a falling out, got back together, just recently it was part two. Similar thing. She says she doesn't love me anymore and doesn't find me attractive. I assume they're hanging out now and doing whatever.
A friend of mine says this is essentially cheating as she was talking to someone behind my back. | Girlfriend of two years broke up with me, talked to guy behind my back, said she doesn't love me or find me attractive anymore. Help and advice to cheer up/get back on my feet again? |
t3_2bzntr | relationship_advice | SO[20/f] is off to america for a year and says "she doesn't trust herself" and I[20/m] need a bit of help. | well i have been with my girlfriend for nearly 4 years and it has been one of the happiest and most rewarding relationships of my adult life. we lived together for two years but decided to study at different universities while maintaing a long distance relationship.
now for the ~~fun~~ bit, just before last Christmas she started to act very distant and almost cold in a way that i have never seen before. it was christmas eve when we were lying in bed and her phone rings, jokingly i answer it assuming its somebody sending a christmas text or something. it wasn't, it was a guy, who was talking about how nice her legs had looked the other night. so my guts dropped with a thud so loud it could be heard in china.
now it turns out that while away at university, she had decided that she would dump me and then go spend christmas with this guy. **but** she had chickened out at the last minute. so although nothing *actually* happened, there was a lot of trust lost and its taken months to get back to normal.
however she is leaving for 8 months to study abroad in the USA and I've started to get that same cold distance i experienced before. so when i asked her about it she replied that "she couldn't trust herself not to make the same mistakes again.". Although she admits that last year she would've said that there was no chance she'd ever stray, she did.
even now she says that she loves me and doesn't want to leave me **but** she also says that she can't make the same promise again if its just going to end up getting me hurt.
Not really sure what I'm looking for here I'm just really struggling and hoped somebody might be able to help. | i need to be more trusting of my SO, SO needs to be able to trust herself. (also if anybody has any advice on disapproving parents it wouldn't hurt) |
t3_2odk64 | relationships | Me [21F] with my BF [24M] of 2.5 years finally admitted he cheated on me with his ex ONCE, three months into the relationship. Don't know how to let it go. | I've always suspected that my boyfriend cheated on me with his ex-girlfriend. I caught him texting her, and when I confronted him about it he started crying. I knew something was wrong, and I knew deep in my heart that he had cheated on me. We broke up for a few weeks (2) so I could get my heart and head together.
Fast forward to now, 2 years later and everything has been a dream come true. He has no social media, no contact with his ex (she moved to another country) and has been the perfect boyfriend. During this time we moved in together, got a pet and are blissfully happy. Well, things got bad last night when I caught him watching a dirty video at work and got a bit mad about it. Somehow we started arguing about things and he admitted that he had slept with her once, got mad at himself right after, and told her it was over and asked her to leave. I truly believe him, because she was pissed and wouldn't talk to him. (She knew we were dating, she has a LONG LONG LONG history of sleeping with other people's boyfriends -men and women. She's admitted to mutual friends it's "a game of fun" for her.)
Now, I dealt with the feelings of being jealous and betrayed before, but now having heard it from his mouth, it hurts like it just happened yesterday.
I want to stay with him, I want it to work. I trust him now, and I know he won't do anything like this again. He's cried over it, and not because he got caught, but because he feels like he "ruined our future over thirty seconds of shame."
So, how do I make this work? Just focus on what the past two years of happiness has been and look forward to it?
I don't want advice of breaking up, I just want to know how to get through this. | Boyfriend cheated with ex shortly into relationship, has not spoken or seen her in two years. Still feel like shit because he just finally told me the truth - even though I already knew. How can I get over it? |
t3_3fum4k | Advice | Friend blocked me because I wouldn't let him use my account. | Basically what happened is my "best" friend that I can only contact by texting/calling/video chatting has blocked me, because I don't trust him enough to let him log into my Google account to use my clash of clans account. I said no, of course because I have a credit card on that account. He began yelling at me, followed by begging me. I just kept saying no and he didn't take that for an answer. He blocked me on all of the messaging apps we use. I don't know whether or not to feel offended or feel bad for not letting him use it. Advice? | Friend blocked me because I refused to let him have my Clash of clans account, because on that account I have a credit card attached to it. |
t3_zhgaa | relationships | My GF[18] doesn't want me[17m] watching porn, but expects me to let her to - she claims it's the only way she can get off. Am I wrong in not wanting her to watch it if I can't? | We got into an argument about it before. I stated my position and told her basically "If I can't, you can't." Maybe it's jealousy, maybe it's over protection. Whatever it is, I don't like it. Her reasoning for not wanting me to watch it was because she didn't want me gawking at some random girl and deriving sexual pleasure from her. And I completely understand where she's coming from. I don't want her staring at some dude's dick (or another chick for that matter - my GF used to be a lesbian, now she's bi) and deriving sexual pleasure from that. I just...I just don't know where to go with this whole thing. Help me Reddit, you're my only hope. | GF doesn't want me watching porn, expects me to let her as that's the only way she can get off. |
t3_1a2dpb | relationships | Do I [27M] move in with my GF [28F] of a year and a half when I don't feel like I'm ready? | My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost a year and a half. She works full time for a law office and I'm finishing up dental school. Her roommate is moving out in June and she needs to either find another roommate or find a place she can afford on her own. She basically gave me an ultimatum that I had to move in with her or she didn't feel like she could ever get over the fact that I didn't "help her out." She said that all of my stuff could go to storage and that she liked her place the way it was. She doesn't have a lease which freaks me out for a lot of reasons.
My immediate reaction was that I'd think about it, but I really just don't feel like it's time to move in with her yet. I'm about to start my last year of dental school and I've got a lot on my plate without having to worry about any added relationship stress from living together for the first time. My current roommate will more than likely move out at the end of the semester when he goes to his residency and so I told her that she could possibly move in with me. That didn't go over well as she said she hates my place.
I feel like I have a lot to lose in this situation and I really feel like I'm the one giving up a lot to move in with her. I don't feel like it's my responsibility to bail her out of financial problems as I'm on 100% student loans, nor do I think it's fair that I'll just move into her place, with no lease, and pay half the bills while also having to pay for storage to hold my furniture.
Am I being logical or just stubborn? | Girlfriend gives me an ultimatum to move in with her or its over. I'm not in a position to where I feel like it's the best idea right now. |
t3_3wkq12 | relationships | My wife (30/f) and I (30/m) are traveling home for Christmas. Would it be awkward to separately spend time with our families not see each other much (if at all) on Christmas Eve and Day? | We live 3,000 miles from home and see our families 2-3x/year...and see each other everyday.
We are both raised Catholic so Christmas is a big holiday obviously.
Last year was awkward. Our parents live 45 minutes away from each other, so we split Christmas even and Christmas day...so we had part of one dinner and part of another, etc.
For people who are in the same situation, do you see anything wrong with not seeing your spouse on either one of those days or both of those days? For example, stay with immediate family christmas eve, and then split christmas day. Or just don't see each other for those two days?
Thanks in advance. | Is there an easy way to visit family on Christmas and Christmas Eve when you are married with no kids...while at the same time pleasing everyone? |
t3_2gb29l | weddingplanning | Do I invite my biological dad in obligation, or do I risk the drama and cut him out. | A little background:
My parents got divorced when I was about 18 months old. My father and I were relatively close when I was a kid, but haven't been close for at least 10 years. He remarried about 12-13 years ago, and once they had kids they basically cut me out of their life, causing a lot of emotional pain for me. I saw them once a year on Christmas with the rest of my large family, we would say a few words, then we would part. About a year ago he finalized his second divorce. He hasn't seen his children since then, and I haven't seen him for about 2-2.5 years.
That being said, my FH and I are having a small-ish wedding, 40 people at the ceremony, maybe 65-70 at the reception. I have already decided that I want my step dad to walk me down the aisle, as he has been a stable father figure in my life for a long time.
My real dilemma is that I am inviting my biological dad's siblings, and his mom. I have always been close with his mother, my grandma, and I do want to spend the day with his siblings, but I know that he won't add to my wedding at all, in fact, he would make me nervous, sweaty and awkward feeling. I am worried that my grandma will throw a fit and tell me that although we've had our differences, he would really love to be there, which may or may not be true.
On the flip side, if he does in fact still care about me, and just feels awkward about leaving me as a child/not trying to have a relationship with me as an adult, I am worried that inviting him will make him feel bad and seeing my step-dad walk me will be hard for him.
I just don't know what to do, and would love ANY insight into the situation! | My biological dad and I aren't close, but I am inviting the rest of his immediate family, do I invite him even though it won't add to our special day? |
t3_21s410 | relationships | Me [17 M] with my girlfriend [17 F] of 5 months, questioning compatibility issues. | I'm currently in a relationship with my girlfriend of recently 5 months and everything so far has been going great. We've had really great communication on almost everything and we seem to be great together. Most of our friends seem really insistent that we'll more than likely still be in a happy relationship after high school and into out adult lives.
We've been progressing rather quickly on our emotional attachment to one another and we've been able to easily settle differences while being completely comfortable with each other. Recently however we've been progressing into the realm of sexual intimacy in our conversations and we're starting to have some problems...
I'm perfectly fine with waiting until we're adults and out of high school to start being sexually active. However, she's beginning to show signs that she's really not that interested in being very sexual active at that point. This is the opposite of me and as an adult, I would really like to be highly active sexually.
I realize that we really shouldn't worry to much as this is about a year down the road and high school relationships aren't always that serious. However, I don't want to get her and mine own hopes up only to upset her later on.
So, my question is this: how likely is it that her views on sexual activity will change by the time we're both adults?
Currently, we're nearing the end of our junior year of high school. Is there a good chance of this relationship working out as adults, or is it likely just going to be high school only relationship?
This question may seem obvious to some, but as a minimally experienced teenager I'm absolutely clueless and I really have nobody else to turn to, so I was hoping that some of you here on reddit would have experience with sexual compatibility. Thank you. | girlfriend and I have differentiating views on levels on sexual activity. How likely is it that this problem will work itself out by the time we're both adults? |
t3_183jrx | relationship_advice | I [f21] know I like my boyfriend [m276] more than he likes me. Should I tell him I love him? | I have been with my bf (m26 - not m276 lol!) for nearly 6 months now. It's been quite intense, we talk to each other all the time and spend every weekend together (can't during the week because we work).
I've developed loving feelings for him, I think it's been an appropriate amount of time for this to happen. Sometimes I just think "God, I love you" and have to stop myself from saying it.
He's told me before that he knows that I'm probably falling for him, but that he's not in the same place. Even though it very much seems like he does feel the same way when we spend time together. But we're still together so he obviously does like me - and he's told me how much he does like me etc.
Even though I know he won't say it back - would he appreciate knowing that I love him? Or, guys, would it just make you feel awkward? Would you rather it be a mutual experience? Halp! | I want to tell my boyfriend I love him, but I don't think he'll say it back. Should I tell him anyway? |
t3_2oiqgb | personalfinance | Old job is charging my credit card. Need help! | I purchased a monthly tanning package that came out of my credit card. Once I started working at the tanning salon the owner had canceled the membership. The owner did this because a perk of working there was free tanning. She never had me sign a paper stating I was canceling the membership, which is required when you want to end the membership. Once I stopped working there, the owner started charging my credit card again.
I told the credit card company I lost the card. They stated they were canceling that account and sending me a new card in the mail. They also stated that if anything comes out by a month to month basis, to contact them once I get the card and give them the new information.
Can the tanning salon, after the monthly charge getting declined, send me to collections for non-payment? Sorry if this is the wrong place for this but I do not know what to do. I just want to pay this credit card off! | job started charging my card after I quit, lost that card, can they send me to collections for non-payment? |
t3_39pm0o | relationships | I'm (19/M) looking for help with being Passive-Aggressive in a relationship. | I got into a relationship with a (21/F) 3 weeks ago (we've been super close for months, made it 'official' 3 weeks ago). Everything is going great and we both are very happy, but something started killing me lately.
I realized that lately I've been feeling not how I want to feel, not feeling like my usual self. I figured out that lately on a number of different occasions, I've been passive-aggressive towards my girlfriend when I shouldn't have been, or when I could've just confronted the issue. This has been eating at me for the past few days because, although everything between us is totally fine, I know that passive-aggressiveness doesn't lead to anything good and hurts relationships/only makes things worse.
Examples of my passive-aggressiveness kicking in would be(but is not limited to):
* jealousy
* hearing something that annoys me, overreacting to it
* something bothering me and starting to get P-A instead of talking about it
So I'm here to ask a question - **Do you guys have any tips and tricks that could help me stop being so passive-aggressive?**
It isn't THAT bad because I am usually able to identify this behaviour and either talk about it or stop acting like a douche, but it is a problem and I know it will damage the relationship with time. | In a fresh relationship, realized I'm being passive-aggressive, it will damage/ruin the relationship, looking for help on how to stop it |
t3_4hnd3r | loseit | How to balance social life? | Sorry for the lengthy post here...
So, I've been feeling really bad lately. My girlfriend is pretty fit, and she works out a couple of times a week. I however am in the gym 5 days a week, lifting or doing cardio. I also don't really like to go out much anymore because of counting macros etc. How do you guys find time to fit social life in there? I kind of feel bad for saying this, but losing it is kind of my highest priority right now. I started losing weight before I met her, and I admit my motivation for starting was to make meeting women easier. But I've lost some, and then I met her, and my motivation even before meeting her has changed to just be more fit and healthy. I've become really passionate about health and fitness, and I've completely changed my lifestyle. Should I talk to her about this? I feel like if I let this go for too long, she's just going to get tired and leave me for someone who will spend more time with her... | spend a lot of time in the gym, and don't go out often because counting calories/macros. How do I balance social life and having a girlfriend? |
t3_1gsoqh | relationships | I[18F] am scared about continuing to date[17M] for a summer only relationship because I have been hurt in the past. | Hi, I know that isn't a very good title, but honestly I don't really know what else to say about it.
I am currently dating this guy who is a senior in High School, while I am going into my second year of college. He turns 18 later this year (and I turn 19). We have been dating for a month and a half and right now it's nothing too serious, but I really like him. He told me a couple weeks ago that he didn't see our relationship going past this summer because he would be doing his senior year at school and I would be moving away again for college.
I am torn. I really like this guy, and I would like to continue dating him, but I am scared about getting hurt again.
At the end of my last relationship I sunk into depression. I am still there, but being with my current guy is really helping. The breakup with my ex really took a toll on me. I almost couldn't go back to school and I started having to go into counseling. My ex and I had a great relationship for about 5 months, slept in the same bed together ever night, if we weren't doing something school related or hanging out with friends occasionally we were always with each other. It was really nice, but when it ended I broke inside.
I don't know if I will be able to take the heartbreak and having my current boyfriend leave me. He makes me so unbelievably happy. I don't know if there is something fundamentally wrong with me, but all I want is to be happy, and I can't seem to get that.
I don't want to sound like a sappy teenager. I hope that's not how I come off. | Past boyfriend sent me into depression after he left me. I am worried my current one will do the same at the end of the summer. |
t3_11md54 | relationships | Do I[M/21] deserve a second chance after being a dick to my wife[21]? | Me [M/21] and my wife [20] have been married for 1.5 years. We've been having some problems and I want to know if I deserve a second chance.
The problems began after four months of dating when she fooled around with my best friend, (He didn't know we were together). She confessed the next day. I forgave her and days later we slowly started getting into the relationship again. She joined the Air Force and we got married eight months later. We fought like any newlywed couple would, but in the back of my mind I resented her.
She got an honorable discharge and we moved back to my parents to save some money for a nice place of our own while we went to University. For the past two months that we've been back home, I've been cold towards her. When she gets me angry I would call her horrible things, things I never did before. And the past week it reached its pinnacle when I walked into the bathroom and she was naked.
While I was getting things in there I noticed she was covering up her body, and I said, "Don't worry, I don't want to look at your nasty ass body". Last night I angrily told her I wanted to get a separation and she agreed. And today I told her why I've been really mean towards her. I felt like she didn't find me attractive because we didn't have a lot of sex. And she never did anything sexy for me during the time we were married, even though I was incredibly loving and supportive before this cold streak. We talked and I gave her a long apology for every way I've wronged her. I asked her if we can give it another shot and she said she needs time.
She wants to move out on her own and see if I change. I told her I'd change and I'm being sincere about it. I feel like talking to her about it really let me release all the pent up frustration since I'm a very closed off person who never speaks about my emotions to anyone. So, do I deserve a second chance, and should she move on her own? | Wife wants to move on her own after I was an incredible dick. Do I deserve a second chance if I know I can change? And is her moving out on her own a good idea? |
t3_sv33t | Pets | Got dog, lost friends | We recently got a free 5 year old staffordshire terrier. I've posted about her here before, but the summary is that her 2nd owner had a stroke and couldn't manage her anymore. The vet phoned and asked if we'd take her, so we did.
I never gave her breed a second thought beyond the exercise, diet and discipline requirements. After having her for around 5 days, she was starting to calm down and it was clear that a lot of her acting up was down to living with a 76 year old who couldn't properly exercise her. A couple of hours exercise a day, a consistent home environment and she's just lovely.
There are a few habits we still have to train out of her (specifically pulling on the lead when walking) and I need to train her to come back when called so that we can let her run loose and play fetch in some of the larger fields I have access to. But we've introduced her to loads of people and other dogs and she is really good with all of them.
My lack of thought in accepting this breed though wasn't shared by everyone. A few friends won't visit us at all anymore because they're scared of her.
I've promised to keep the dog sequestered upstairs or out of the way, but that's that - they just won't visit anymore. It makes me quite sad because my social circle is limited enough as it is. | If you're getting a dog, consider the impact that the breed you choose will have on who will visit you in the future. |
t3_t0uee | personalfinance | Need some advice on the future, and my credit card | Some background: I'm 21yrs old. I have two part time jobs, but I only get around 20 or less hours a week. I just left a job where I got around another 25, but I couldn't stand working there anymore. It's complicated but I can't go back.
I have always been interested in real estate investing, and it is a hobby of mine to read as much as I can into it, so when I have the ability I will be able to jump right in.
Since finding out I didn't get a flight attending position I was trying for, I decided to go for my real estate license. The way I figure it, is it will give me great insight into the industry which will be valuable in investing- and a job.
The idea of working for myself is one that greatly appeals to me, so on the side I have started to work on a baking business. I am in the process of writing a business plan, comparing website hosts, and investigating commercial kitchens. I have already come up with the products I will be selling, and where.
Here's the thing.
I am running out of money. I have a little over $500 in savings, but the Real Estate License course I paid for with my credit card cost me around that. Plus, I've been using my card to pay for ingredients, supplies, etc for the business.
I don't really want to get another job, I would rather work on this business and keep the jobs I have now (which are just enough to pay rent and a little more). The trouble is I just got myself out of debt, and now all the expenses that come with educating myself and starting a business are putting me right back into it.
I reason with myself that it's all an investment, that in the future it will pay off, but am I wrong to do this? What would you do in my situation? | Getting into debt trying to start a business, and get real estate license. Is it worth doing it all or should I get a real job? |
t3_2nwzyb | relationships | Me [26 M] with my SO [27 F] 1.5 years, she wants to end the relationship because I am not 'in love' with her! Is this normal? | I've been with my GF since February 2013. We dated for about a year (long distance, 2.5 hour drive), then we decided it would be best if she moved in with me.
Fast forward, we move again into a new apartment that has 2 bedrooms so that her two children can have their own room. During that move, she found out that her best friend was being abused, so she asked me if she could move in for a few months. I said that it was just fine as long as she didn't mind the kids sleeping in the living room.
Fast forward a few more months, I find out that I am falling for this new roommate. It is obvious to my girlfriend, since I am very sprightly and gitty around roommate, but not so much around my girlfriend. This causes GF to question the relationship. GF asks me if I like our roommate, I tell her that I do like her and that she makes me very happy. GF asks me if I am in love with roommate, so I ask her what is love? I then tell her that based on that definition she gave me, I am indeed in love with our roommate (however, I am not physically acting on it).
Fast forward to Thanksgiving, GF asks me if I am in love with her (GF, not roommate) I tell her that I love her very much, but I do not believe I am 'in love' with her, because I do not think of her as much as I think of our roommate. Now she wants to break off the relationship because she thinks I am going to just keep finding other people that I fall in love with (remember, I always tell the truth, even if it hurts, but I will never act out upon these feelings). | I love my gf, but I'm not in love. I end up falling 'in love' with roommate. GF wants to break up, despite being together for over a year and a half. Advice? Thanks! |
t3_1ov38s | offmychest | If feels like I should not complain, but this has always bugged me. | I was reading a thread the other night about relative human "value." It centered around an OP who had lost a good friend in high school, and no one cared. He went on to relate that same year a football player was involved in a vehicular accident which was a direct result of said football player driving drunk. Memorials/vigils ensued for the athlete, and the OP was angry at the comparative lack of attention the school paid to his friend. I completely understand his misgivings because I WAS the athlete, minus the dying part of course. Let me explain:
In elementary and middle school, no one really gave a shit about me, teachers or otherwise. Often, I was bullied, but things weren't too bad although I do remember times I truly dreaded going to school. This went on all the way through my freshmen year of high school. But that summer, a late puberty conspired in my favor. I grew five inches and developed a remarkable muscle strength. I went from sitting the JV bench to arguably the best player on the basketball team in one summer (keep in mind, I was only a sophomore on a team full of seniors). The transition was surreal. Whereas before no one had cared that I performed well in school, teachers now admired me for my "academic abilities." My status as social pariah yielded to a near universal admiration from my classmates. Hell, I was even voted prom king. I know if I would have killed myself while driving drunk, there would undoubtedly have been a memorial/scholarship/park bench in my honor. There is no way I would have received this kind of treatment had I not been a star athlete. And most unsettling was that I was fully cognizant of this dissonance. Looking back on the whole situation, I'm still pissed that the judgment of my character was so innately tied to my athletic ability. | In high school, I changed from outcast to valuable human in less than a year, and it was/is infuriating. |
t3_1zwvh0 | relationships | Me [25F] with my best friend [25 M] 10 years, I don't know if I can stop being friends with him | I've always had feelings for him but never really had a good time to act on them. One or both of us was always dating someone. I know he did have feelings for me. But maybe it's been too long now and those feelings have passed.
Now we are both single and my feelings are as strong as ever. I've told him how I feel but he is hesitant to be with me.
I know that I should cut communication if he doesn't want to be with me, at least until my feelings pass (although, I don't think they ever will). But he is my best friend anyways and losing a good friend would be so painful, for both him and me. | I have feelings for my best friend and am unsure if he feels the same back. If not, I don't think I can stop being friends with him. What should I do? |
t3_3xdo9m | tifu | TIFU by not explaining the plan correctly. | So this happened about an hour ago. But first let me explain what lead to this FU. For the whole week I've been trying to ask out a girl, we will call her P. But I wasn't able to gain the confidence. So my solution was to tell a friend if I didn't ask out P by the end of the day that he could kick me in right in the balls. See I was in a rush and meant to tell him "If I don't ask P out by the time I leave the school, kick me in the balls" but instead I said "If I don't ask P out by the time school is over, kick me in the balls" this wouldn't be an issue if I planned to ask her out before the end of school, nope I planned the ask her out while everyone was leaving the school because school was over.
I walked up to her then my friend walks up to me "Did you ask her out yet?" I say no and without anytime to realize what's happening he knees me right in the balls which I then fell over yelling in agony. Which to then he tells her what I was planning to do in my horror. Which then I explained to him what I originally meant to say. I then was too embarrassed to ask her out and left the school in extreme pain. | Got someone to kick me in the balls if I didn't ask out a girl, explained the plan wrongly, now I have a broken heart and a broken pair of balls. |
t3_4jdcy3 | relationships | New guy I'm seeing (F/M 23) drinks heavily. Concern or overthinking? | I started seeing a new guy a few weeks ago and I really like him. He's actually exactly what I've been looking for. Hes open and communicates well, lots of mutual interests and friends, driven, passionate, etc.
I sometimes look for faults in people when I first start seeing them (bad habit), so not sure if this is a cause for concern or not. He's a fairly heavy drinker from what I've seen so far. We went out last night and he had 8 or so drinks over the course of the night. He's a pretty tall/big guy so I'm not sure how much that affects your tolerance. I had 4 drinks and I'm pretty small which resulted in me being fairly tipsy.
Anyway I know he drinks maybe 4-5 days a week to varying degrees. We've hungout without alcohol being involved so That's not an issue. He works in the food/beverage industry so I think he's around it so often that it's become a part of his routine.
The last guy I dated drank heavily but he was 29 so I gave him less leeway. I haven't dated anyone my age in a while so this hasn't come up. I know 23 is that weird in between stage where people are still binge drinking and partying often.
I talked with my dad about it and he said he drank heavily until he was at least 30 (he's 73 and still has a drink or 2 everyday) and said it shouldn't be a huge concern.
I'm fine with his behavior when he's drunk as he's an upbeat drunk and I still like the bar scene for the most part. I guess I'm worried that maybe it would be up in the air later down the line when it's less acceptable to be partying/more of an alcoholic. He seems like a responsible guy aside from this and again, I really like him. Is this a ~yellow flag? Should I proceed cautiously or just let it go for now and have fun? | new guy I'm seeing drinks heavily. Don't know if it's age/lifestyle or could be problematic down the line |
t3_3ad6qs | relationships | Should I [20F] delete anything that reminds me of my ex's on my computer? | Currently, I'm having trouble getting over an ex (26M), we were together for 6 months and I felt crazy when I was with him, in good and bad ways. It was such an intense 6 months I can' even begin to describe it. But about a month ago I broke up with him. The relationship felt too intense for me at this time of my life. But I can't seem to get him out of my mind. I keep wondering if I did the right thing but I know I shouldn't be thinking of this because there's nothing I can do about it. Our relationship is done and I can't even try to get him back at this point.
I was wondering if I should just delete everything that reminds me of him on my computer (e.g. pictures, playlists) and get rid of all the notes I wrote about him in my journal? Then I thought, if I do this for him, should I do this for all my pictures and things from my other ex's (only 2 other relationships)? But I kinda don't want to delete old memories...But I want to have a fresh start...But I like looking back at things from the past and analyze myself and remember what I learned from the relationship ...Help me, what should I do? | Wondering if I should get rid of anything that reminds me of my past relationships or keep them as reminders of what I have learned through those relationships? Would this help me get over a recent (1 month ago) break up? |
t3_414l8x | relationships | Where to draw the line between me [30M] helping out my mom [65F] and dad [68M] out economically and paying for your own stuff? | Heres my family situation: Were a group of 5, my two parents and my older sister and younger brother.My brothers 24, Im 30 and my sisters 36, both parents are in their late 60s and unemployed. They had a very successful company roughly 20 years ago which gave us three our education got us through high school and college. Now both myself and my brothers are still living at home with my parents and we three split every expense equally, rent, gas, car, groceries, electricity, etc.
This has a large economic toll on me as roughly 60% of everything I earn working goes towards house expenses. Another 25% aproximately goes towards my health insurance, car insurance, cell phone and gasoline with the remainder going towards leisure and activities. Sometimes expenses around the house are higher than the 60% allocated for that and I dont have the cash to actually help out as much as I would want to someitmes. This really irritates my parents and makes our relationship influenced on the amount of money im willing to give out every month (note that we are a very loving family and my parents are GREAT its just this money situation really gets the worse of them)
What will happen when I move out? Get married? Have kids? Im really worried about this and dont know what to do, the only solution I would think of is getting a higher paying job which im currently looking for. | question is this: When is it OK to say "No, right now I cant give you any money" and going out my way to provide them with the amount of money theyre asking for? |
t3_14ml2h | AskReddit | Nothing productive to do, what are some of the things that I can self-teach myself in the computer science field? | After finals I've realized that I have too much time on my hands and I'm looking for something new about the computer science field. I currently develop websites, not to the fullest extent due though.. It's a neat field and I'd love to really learn more about it. I've been hesitant to really expand on my web designs until I get a VPS, because using a shared hosting has its limitations.
I've tried learning game development as well and got pretty far with Cryengine and UDK, but it's to the point where I'm stuck on which engine to choose. At the risk of killing my site, [here] is the current state of a game I've been dying to create over the past year, but have not been able to kick myself into dedicating time into learning just one engine.
I'm a college student, in the computer science course of my college but feel as if the classes aren't challenging me so far. I love thinking about artificial intelligence and how advanced it can get. As much as I would love to just jump into AI programming I have the same issue as before where I don't know what language I should even use. I'm leaning towards C++.
I guess my problem is I start things, but I never finish them... | Designed websites, want to improve. Started game development, want to improve and finish a game. Interested in AI, don't know the base to start with. |
t3_w8v4q | AskReddit | In a busy sales event with long lines for the dressing room, a (temporarily) handicaped woman started raising hell because the large stall wasn't kept open. Was she in the right? | To elaborate a little more, the store was quite crowded for this 70% off sale, and the line just to try on clothes was easily 30 mins long. For the sake of expediency, my mother and I decided to share a room. It just so happened that when our turn came up it was for the large stall on the end. We did this and everything was ok. But we started a trend.
Later, there was a lady on one of those one-knee cart things with her bad foot bandaged. She waited in line for a while, but started raising hell, talking loudly, and berating the clerk for allowing someone to use the handicapped stall on the end when she was *obviously* handicapped and needed it more! Turns out there were three women in there (who were taking their sweet time about it). But they did go in before she was even in line, and someone offered to take the bench out of a regular room to make more room for her, but she wouldn't hear of it. She finally got the big room and shit talked the three women when they came out. Now I'm feeling bad for having used the room and started the multiple people trend, but it seemed logical earlier.
What do you think? Was it logical and expedient to share the large room (when handicap lady was not in line) or were we all douches not to consider the possible effect on others. | In a crowded dressing room, multiple women were sharing the handicap dressing room at the end. A disabled woman came in and started raising hell making me and others feel bad. |
t3_2qy7mx | Advice | Job Dilemma | Hey guys, looking for advice. I work at a grocery store in the fish department. I'm not a big fan of it and would love a transfer. On Saturday I called in sick due to a headache. Had to check the schedule (this place doesn't have online schedules). So I walk over and check and to my surprise there's no schedule. Now this is where I learned how stupid of a person I was, I proceeded to leave the store instead of asking my co-worker (who didn't see me) where the schedule was. I figured I'd just check it tomorrow. I go in the next night to check and this time it's there.
I was supposed to work that day and missed a shift.
I'm now at a crossroads. I got home and told my mom and she gave me typical mom shit. She wants me to have this job more than normal. She wants me to go in and plead my case even though I'm 100% without a doubt the one at fault here. So why even bother going in? My mom thinks not saying anything will look bad. | I called in sick, went there no schedule, went there the next day and the schedule's there and I missed a shift. What do? |
t3_4caxwj | relationships | So I(28f) have noticed that I have problems communicating what I want in a relationship, or even if I want a relationship. How do I work on this? | I have noticed that when there is miscommunication, the guy(all guys mentioned are in general and do not pinpoint one specific man) tends to disappear.
When I try to communicate with him what I want, I tend to try to figure out what he is feeling before telling him how I feel. this usually backfires, I break up with them, and regret doing so.
When I am not interested, I tend to try to be nice and cordial about it, even if the guy doesn't get it.
Some men have put sex on the table too early for my comfort level(which is after a few dates, 2-3,) and they end up leaving. In one case I left them.
I've been trying to not look for guys to date when i'm out doing things/hobbies, but it seems like wherever I go, my mind goes straight to that, even if it's grocery shopping. It doesn't help that I work with my ex. | I feel like I keep screwing up potential relationships and can't get my mind off of being in one. any advice is welcome. |
t3_e5g2q | AskReddit | I broke it. Need emergency help (x-post from r/sysadmin, hoping this gets more views) | I realize I'm a total fucking idiot (in advance) and now I desperately need your help.
Also know, in advance, that I did not set up, nor did I even contribute to the setting up of this system, so spare me the commentary on why it's bad for now.
I was working on setting up (or rather removing a failed attempt at setting up) a Kerberos/LDAP authentication system on my home server. So, I did the obvious thing and ssh'ed to the CS department Kerberos/LDAP server (where I am an assistant sysadmin with sudo privs) and compared config files. I reached a point with my home server where I felt it was safe to remove LDAP.
sudo apt-get purge slapd
Okay, that's done. But wait, why is Kerberos still running, I shut that down 15 minutes ago.
sudo kill -9 4666
sudo kill -9 46........
FUUUUUCK I'm doing all of this on the department server. /shoots self.
So LDAP is fucked and Kerberos seemed to turn back on without any problems.
There are two servers which LDAP replicates to, so how would I go about restoring those to the master server?
I'm such a total idiot. With any luck I'll still have the job come Monday. But seriously, I need to try and fix it. This was an absolutely terrible time for me to break something. | I purged LDAP from the CS department server and need to restore it from the back up servers as soon as possible. |
t3_4vsp1q | relationships | My [27F] incessant complaining and negative attitude is ruining my relationship and career. | I'm not sure where this problem stems from, but I've been like this for as long as I can remember and I'm looking for some insight on how to deal with my excessive complaining and negativity.
I'm unable to let go of problems in the workplace and in my relationship and tend to fixate on them for an unhealthy amount of time, which makes me anxious and irritable (not pleasant to work with). Subsequently I complain a lot, and it makes people uncomfortable. I'm really embarrassed about it but don't know how to stop. It's almost like an itch I have to scratch. Every small thing genuinely irritates me. I'm aware that I can be very blunt and have difficulty controlling my emotions. I do care about my partner and colleagues and try to make up for my shortcomings any way I can — but this doesn't make things better and i can't keep living in this mindset.
I think I enjoy complaining in the moment but feel awful afterwards. I feel mentally unhealthy from this and I accept it's largely my own fault, I just can't seem to move forward and be positive.
I've been reprimanded for this issue at work, and my partner doesn't really want to engage in conversation with me anymore. I feel absolutely horrible about this. | I've always been a cynical, chronic complainer and I hate myself for it. How can I change my attitude before I ruin my relationship and career? |
t3_31jo76 | relationship_advice | My [22M] ex-gf [20F] on't tell me what I need to hear to properly move on. I will move on regardless but does it mean anything? | So my ex broke up with me. She says she doesn't even completely understand her feelings or even if she made the right choice. It's been tough but not much I can do but move forward. I asked her to tell me she doesn't love me, isn't in love with me any more, or that there isn't any us in the future. She said she doesn't want to say that even though she says I shouldn't be hung up on this. What could that possibly mean?
The split was her decision and choice, something she wanted. And she says she has my best interests at heart. She even said not getting over this was unhealthy. If she didn't want to be together and wants the best for me why won't she just hurt me to make this easier? Does the fact she won't say those things mean anything, negative or positive?
I can provide additional information as needed but I don't want to convolute the question if possible. | ex gf won't say things I need to hear to completely put this in the past. if she wants the best and thinks it's unhealthy to not move forward why won't tell me something that will help me? |
t3_242k1n | relationships | Me [21 M] and my significant other [21 F] have been together for several years, but I've found myself being sexually frustrated more and more lately... | So me and my SO have been together for over 4 years now. We're currently in a long distance relationship due to factors outside of our control. However, to bring it back to the point I'm trying to convey is that I've been feeling increasingly sexually frustrated and I have no idea how to deal with it or how to talk to her about it.
Obviously she feels the same way because we love each other and genuinely want one another, and she's equally as far away from me as I am from her but it is so hard sometimes. I find myself feeling guilty for wanting to flirt with her and desire her over our Skype Calls. Simply because I feel like I'm bothering her with this need of mine to bond with her in this way. However I want to be clear that she does also show her desires for such bonding just not as frequently as me. I'd like to clarify that she does enjoy whatever sexual bonding we can have in our current situation. She's said so on multiple occasions. I guess as I'm writing this I realize that I may be insensitive about when it's a good time to flirt sexually.
And well I feel god awful when I bring it up in a conversation because I can visually see her feeling super guilty for not realizing that I needed it or her feeling like she isn't doing a good enough of a job to satisfy my desires. It's just a whole upsetting, useless vicious cycle. I hate myself for having these needs for sex or even just for some kind of sexual bonding with my SO. It seems so trivial and makes me feel weak for needing it so often. I feel like a dirty horny bastard to be honest...
How can I deal with these frustrations? Have any of you had any experiences with a similar situation? | Feeling sexually frustrated in my relationship, but I don't know what to do about it because I know it's my fault for feeling too needy. |
t3_3elivs | relationships | Help! How do I [26/F] break up with an overly dependent boyfriend [30/M]? | So my boyfriend and I have been together for two years. I really think he is a great person, but as time goes on it's becoming increasingly obvious that we are not working.
I value my independence and having my own personal space/identity, but he is very insecure. He constantly wants to be together, and no matter how overboard I go trying to reassure him that he is loved, I am having to fight tooth and nail for every small scrap of alone time and independence I can get. I can't go out with my friends without him, and I can barely even spend weeknights alone at my place without him moping around being sad because he can't come over.
No matter how much I encourage him to go out and do his own things with his guy friends, he never wants to do anything separate, and if I insist it always ends up being a huge issue.
We have had numerous talks where I've tried to communicate my needs to him, and we've even attended a couples' counseling session with a therapist. He agrees that he has a hard time spending time apart because he is insecure, but it never seems to get any better.
I feel like this relationship is slowly smothering me to death, but I'm just scared to end it because I know it is going to be horribly traumatic for him. I feel super guilty, even though I know it isn't my fault, and I've done everything I can to try to make things work.
If anyone else has ever been in this situation, please offer me whatever advice you can. I want to end this as civilly as possible, but I just don't know how. | Boyfriend of two years is extremely needy, to the point that I can't live my own life or have any measure of independence without him turning into an emotional mess. How do I end this before I go insane? |
t3_3iu9i5 | relationships | Bf (30m) and I (24f), how to best support him through serious abandonment issues | I love him deeply (I'm confident that's mutual) and 90% of our relationship is a goddamn fairytale. We've been together about 2 years and are very serious about each other.
Except when we fight. For background: my parents have been married over 30 years and never had as much as a tiff in front of us kids (I mean not even some sort of half-assed argument, ever). His parents are divorced, father was abusive (to him and his mother), and his parents fought like crazy for years (they would physically drag him into the middle of their fights).
When my bf was a teenager, his father bounced, started a new family with a younger woman, and essentially only contacts him now when a family member of his and/or he needs something. Understandably, this developed some serious abandonment issues with my bf.
Unfortunately, these issues tend to manifest themselves as pushing me away and telling me to leave forever (every big fight). That we'll never understand each other.
Has anyone dated a man with these issues? If so, what is the best way to love and support him through everything? I won't feign to understand his upbringing but I still want to be supportive. | boyfriend had abandonment issues from his dad bailing. I want advice for the best way to be a supportive partner through this |
t3_2pg1nh | relationships | Me [25 F] with my boyfriend [34 M] of 10 months, he's not ready to say 'I love you' | My boyfriend and I started dating 10 months ago. He had just gotten out of a long relationship (more than 6 years). To complicate things more, he'll be moving away (not sure where yet) in ~6 months from now. We're both in academia and he's applying for jobs as a professor so he's going to wherever he gets the best offer. I'm stuck in our current city for the next few years finishing up school.
Sometimes it seems like things are going pretty well between us, but about three or four months ago I told him that I loved him and he never said it back. I tried to just forget about it and hoped that eventually he'd just say it back.
Things had been really tense with us for the past two weeks and we finally had a big argument on Friday. I asked why he doesn't love me (melodramatic, I guess) and he said that the future is really unsure for us and he's just not ready to say it. He more or less said that since he's older than me/has more experience with relationships that he's not really as excitable about them. Also his last relationship died slowly due to long distance so he's not really looking forward to that aspect. The last reason he gave me was that there has been a lot of tension between us due to this issue, creating a feedback loop that makes it hard to feel like he loves me.
I'm not really sure what I should do at this point. I like him a lot, but I don't want to stay in a relationship that there's no hope for. Also, could these reasons he's giving me maybe just not be true? I kind of think that if you really like someone, then all these other factors become irrelevant...but maybe that's just me.
Does anyone here have advice or want to tell me what they think? | Shouldn't someone know if they love you after dating you for 10 months? Do you keep dating someone who 'isn't ready' after that long? |
t3_18ogs9 | relationships | I don't know if I [17m] am romantically interested in my friend [17f], what do you think? | Hey guys, have not viewed this subreddit before, but I'm desperate for more advice then my friends can offer.
I have been friends with this girl for over a year. I talk to her every weekday at school (We are each 17 years old), and text each day. Originally I was not attracted to her at all, but recently I have become unsure of my intentions with her.
Proof that I may be interested in her romantically:
* I started noticing my increased interest with her when I started monitoring how often I texted her, to avoid appearing too attached.
* I want to talk to her constantly, and no other conversations seem to compare.
* Since she became single (two weeks ago) I have started working out and such. When I started I did not consciously do so with her available as my motivation, but maybe it is?
Proof that I may just want to be friends:
* I do not feel any negative feelings when we talk about her dates and general romantic life.
* Maybe I, myself, have put her in the friend zone, as she has with me (I think).
* I just do not wish for her to be interested with me on that level (I think). To be frank, she is out of my league. | I really, really, like my female friend, but I do not know if this means I am now romantically interested in her. |
t3_1wsl6c | relationship_advice | [15/M] My girlfriend[15/F] of almost 3 years is upset about her birthday | My girlfriend of almost 3 years has had some pretty shitty birthdays in the past so her sister, my friend, and I were planning to have a surprise party for her this year. Her parents are in on it and are helping to pay for it too. The only problem is they told her they're not giving her a party, which is pretty upsetting for her considering it's her 16th birthday. I feel really bad because she's really upset about this and I can't tell her without ruining the surprise. I don't really know what to do because she's really let down and upset about this and I don't know what to tell her to make her feel better. | My girlfriend is upset about not getting a birthday party when we're planning on giving her a surprise party and I don't know what to do to make her feel better |
t3_39ld0g | relationships | Boyfriend [27M] smashed laptop screen by closing it, I [22F] feel like it's my fault. | Hello there...
I have been on and off this thread for sometime. I have had my many problems and am in serious need of help. Tonight I was up late with the bf, we had found a dating SIM online and wanted to try it, huniepop. We downloaded it and started play, both on separate computers, I played as female and he played as male. We were gonna try to do it together but I ended up getting further then him right away. Things were fine until we got further into the game, he started asking me what he needs to do, I explained it and he kept asking over and over again. I didn't mean to give any attitude at all and got frustrated, you could definitely hear it in my voice. Well this kinda went on and off for a little bit until he got right pissed off at me and slams my laptop closed, breaking the screen in the process. I was so upset, my parents had just gotten me the laptop last year, my old one barely works. I cried about it mainly because I am only working part time and getting only 6 hours a week. There is no way I will be able to replace it. I am not sure how I am feeling right now... I feel like this is all my fault and if I were a little nicer this wouldn't have happened. I just dont know what to do anymore.... I feel numb. | boyfriend of 2 years smashed computer screen. It was my fault because I shouldn't have given any attitude... Then this would not have happened. Working 6 hours a week, can't afford to fix it. |
t3_mr8hv | AskReddit | Are there any good gap year programs for an American high school student? | I'm a senior in high school going through the whole college application process, blah blah blah, I have decent grades and test scores, but I really have no motivation to really go anywhere for college other than a local university for no other reason than I feel like it's expected of me. My parents have asked if I want to do a gap year, but I've been told that if you don't have something to occupy a whole year, you'll quickly regret it. I wouldn't mind just working for a year somewhere to get some money, and I love to travel, but I don't know of any programs that cater to factors like that. | Do worthwhile programs exist that let gap year students work or study abroad, or are there any good things to do to warrant a gap year? |
t3_37mdft | relationships | I've (19f) caught my boyfriend (19m) using kik multiple times | We have been dating for 3 years. The first time I caught him doing anything was when he had screencapped pictures of girls we both know irl on instagram. I confronted him, told him how upset I was, and then discovered he looks at a bunch of girls we know on facebook during times he tells me he is "going to bed." After fighting he said he would delete it. Well the next day he had made a fake one and I saw it on his phone. Fighting ensued and he deleted that one too. Still snooping, I find a Kik. He had pretended to be a girl to get nudes from other girls.
Fast forward through the years I've found him looking up girls we know again. But what really bothers me is that he downloaded kik again for a second time. He only keeps the kik active for like 2, or 3 days so it's not a permanent thing.
Well I finally thought it was over, until a couple of weeks ago I saw he downloaded Omegle, chat room apps and kik. He says he never used it this time. He says it's only for masturbating, and isn't actually trying to talk to these girls for anything else. He doesn't seem to think more of it than that and doesn't seem to actually empathize with me since he's done it multiple times. I've told him I don't care if he looks at porn but it really hurts my feelings thinking he needs to talk to another girl or get nudes sent because even though he doesn't know them irl, I feel like it's kind of like cheating without really having to go out and do it??? Or at least he does it because he desires other women.
He really is the best guy I could ask for other than that and this occurence happens randomly after a couple of months of being fine, it's just when I decide to snoop I find something. I'm just so hurt and confused and I feel so irrational at this point.
Is this considered cheating or is it just a harmless more "real" feeling version of porn? | Is using kik to talk to girls and get nudes considered a form of cheating or is it perfectly normal every now and then? |
t3_2bw25e | legaladvice | MA - Trespassing Law? | Sorry if this isn't the right place for such a post, and sorrier if this is a stupid question. This doesn't involve me personally, but I thought it to be interesting. I'm curious as to what the legal minds on reddit think.
Every year, a couple dozen law enforcement and first responder agencies in Massachusetts conduct a group of exercises called [Urban Shield] One of those cop-block types filmed an interaction with a Boston cop who was controlling access into an area where a drill was being conducted. They tried to make him look like bad...and were pretty sucessfull. [Here's the video](
What, exactly, would this gentlman have been charged with? My guess would be trespassing, relevant MgL below, emphasis mine:
Section 120. Whoever, without right enters or remains in or upon the dwelling house, buildings, boats or improved or enclosed land, wharf, or pier of another, or enters or remains in a school bus, as defined in section 1 of chapter 90, after having been forbidden so to do by the **person who has lawful control of said premises | Suppose police set up a crime scene/perimeter around a serious fire/parade route/whatever? What would you be charged with if you attempted to violate it? |
t3_3rbt1z | dating_advice | do drunk actions reveal sober feelings? | I met a guy (I'm female, we're both 24) a couple months back and we platonically have been hanging out and get lunch once a week. we have invited each other to other things and we have both been initiating about equally. he invited me to a party last weekend and I got fairly drunk there. I think he was tipsy. later in the evening, he got quite touchy feely (touching lower legs, arms, faces close together) and I love affection when I'm drinking so I fully welcomed it and responded in kind, like laying my head on his shoulder. at the end of the night, he bear hugged me from the back while we were waiting at the bus stop and held my hand. I was very taken aback and confused but I went with it for those few minutes because it felt nice and intimate and not sleazy. he didn't do anything else, didn't try to kiss me or anything.
i haven't heard from him since (the party was on Saturday) and I'm worried that our new friendship won't be able to recover from this. I think he's a good guy and would be open to dating him, but I'd be happy to just be friends as well (honestly!). it's the way we've acted around each other for the last two months so it's not like I've been trying to be friends so I can make him my boyfriend. i just don't know what he's feeling (does he want to hook up and is regretting his decision to half come onto me? does he like like me and needs alcohol to make a move?)
since he initiated everything, part of me feels like he should also initiate the convo about what Saturday was. am I wrong? I want to understand his radio silence and am not sure if I would be the one to reach out. (or is he giving me space? I feel like if he wanted to acknowledge the situation I would have heard from him to meet up.) we've done things like watch the sunset together and gone on walks, and I thought these activities were entirely platonic because he has never flirted with me before (besides maybe one winky face text message, which in my opinion barely counts). what's my next move, if any? | a guy friend and I were drinking for the first time together on Saturday and he got affectionate and touchy feely (no kissing) and i reciprocated and I haven't heard from him since. |
t3_1b7m39 | relationships | My SO [23] saw the gift he gave me [20] for Valentines Day in the trunk of my car... | He saw it this morning but the truth is, i forgot that i had even left it there. It was a sweet gift and i really liked it but now he thinks i hated it and that he/the gift mean nothing to me. He questioned me leaving it in my trunk all this time and wasn't even sure what to say to him aside from the fact that im terribly sorry. I'm not even sure why i had forgotten it in the trunk all this time... He said that i'm the "man in the relationship." The worst part about all of this is that right before this happened, we were talking about remembering birthdays and anniversary's in the car and when he asked me if i knew his birthday, i remembered the day but for some reason i was a month off and he teased me saying that he obviously isnt important enough for me to remember his birthday. We've been together for almost a year and about half of the time, we were friends with benefits. I didn't want a relationship but he was patient with me and i ended up falling in love with him. I realize how much of a jackass I am for not being able to remember things like birthdays and small things but I don't want to lose him. I suck at relationships. I don't know how to make it up to him or to get the guilt to go away.
Note: the gift he got me was not jewelry or anything fancy. just a really cool thing he knew i would like. | My SO found the gift he gave me in the back of my trunk and is annoyed with me. How do I fix this and prove to him he is important to me? |
t3_c2u1n | AskReddit | Dad's in the hospital--no one has called my out-of-state sister. Mom fears the sister won't do well on her finals and mother hasn't informed anyone or wants anyone informed. What do I do?! | As much as I hate it, I'm a FBer--but that's how I keep in touch with all my family and friends. And I can't post any status messages about my dad in the hospital--well, I could--but I'll receive flak for that too. (I haven't yet--I've been avoiding FB all morning.)
I have my sister's phone number--I can call her--but my mom got very upset by the idea of her knowing since she thinks it'll affect her finals.
The worst of it, is all I want to do is curl into WoW and fly around in the cold lonely iceplains of Northrend on my Hippogryph--however, my sister also plays WoW... and if I log on--chances are very very good she'll be on too.
Fuck. So do I call her? (We both hate the phone.) Do I leave some cryptic message on my FB? Do I just log in and soothe my brain, regardless of outcome?
It feels like a shitty thing to do to just sit here and do nothing, and say nothing to anyone. | dad's having heart surgery in the morning, mom hasn't informed anyone he's even in the hospital--IMFO sister needs to be informed |
t3_23htpv | relationships | I am a [27 F] who just started dating a [33 M] at what will probably be the worst possible time in my life... | I'm a med student who got out of a 5 year relationship about a year ago. As if navigating intense school work with losing my "person" and dating as a total noob wasn't enough, my mom got diagnosed with an advanced form of cancer. Foolishly, I kept meeting new people as a way to get my mind off of things and keep a compartment of my life exciting and fun.
Well, as these things go, I met someone I really am starting to like. We've been seeing each other for a month now and are exclusive and all of that good stuff. I did warn him of my mom's illness and he knows I'm in med school and yet he wants to be my bf regardless. Silly boy.
Anyways, things are definitely taking a turn for the worse. My mom is declining and I'm not sure how much time she has left. My school is also starting to get to me and I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed. I guess my question is how much is too much for a new relationship? How much can I fairly dump on this poor guy? Should I spill my beans or dole them out slowly, keeping the real breakdowns for friends? (Also, as a note, my closest friends are kind of studying for boards right now so I'd also feel bad unloading on them completely). Should I just stop trying to make this work and break things off with him???
Late night pondering. Thanks for any input. | Med student with dying mother finds a boy with potential. How do I navigate a new relationship with so much emotional baggage??? |
t3_4jdp2q | relationships | How can my girlfriend [20 F] & I [21 M] manage our date time effectively? | My girlfriend and I are beginning our 2nd summer break together. We've spent enough time together that at this point we are both comfortable just hanging out at either of our houses and not going out on public dates all the time. Since we are both getting a break from university at the moment we try to spend more time together between work and our personal hobbies. The main problem here is we have spent so much time talking about what we should do before summer that we now have this huge backlog of shows/movies to watch and books/comics to read.
There is also the issue of the difference in content we want to show each other. She grew up with a very conservative family and was not allowed to experience a lot of the media (Harry Potter is one of the more significant examples) that I was able to. Consequentially, my log of things to check out outweighs hers by a wide margin. This is somewhat frustrating because I want to show her so much that I sometimes forget to let her show me her shows or books.
While this isn't usually a problem since we typically share the same interests and she hasn't really brought the subject up, I still feel that I am being selfish in some way for not taking it into account. However, I don't know how to address this without over-analyzing our date nights and ruining the spontaneity. | Me and SO are happy spending time together at home, but we've come up with too many activities to tackle all at once, and I want to include both of our interests without scheduling out every little detail |
t3_1zevjg | relationships | I [21 M] came out as gay. My best friend is straight [22 M] of 4 years and I have a crush on him. Should I still be his friend or am I hurting myself? | It seems fairly common and most people seem to think its ok as long as I know its not going to happen and want to move on.
I'm just scared me feelings are motivating my friendship or its not healthy for me in a new relationship. We are really close. But he reciprocates the things I do so I don't think I'm being that strange?
He knows I'm gay and doesn't care but doesn't know I have a crush.
I asked the same question about a straight female and a straight guy where one party doesn't want a relationship and its pretty unanimously said to be bad.
Is it bad for me to or are these two things not comparable? | I came out of the closest and my best friend is straight. I know its not going to happen but wonder if its healthy? |
t3_1la1fk | relationships | How do I [17f] tell me roommates [21F] that I do not want to be friends with her and she needs to leave me alone? | I just started attending college a week ago and am living in a dorm room with a senior. The only way my mother would agree for me to move out is if I live with this senior, lets call her Jill. My mom has known Jill for years because she is the daughter of her boss, and will probably use Jill to make sure I am not doing anything I am not suppose to.
Since day one of living with Jill I have had issues with her acting like a 2nd mother. Without my knowing she got a copy of my schedule so she can know where I am during the day, and always asks where I am going. A couple nights ago she even told me to text her when I got back to our dorm room even though it was not late at night. Today she even said me and her are having dinner with her family tonight, no choice on if I can go.
I would normally tell Jill to screw off and I do not want to be her friend but with her having such easy access to my mom I am afraid she would tell my mom I am acting out and then my mom would force me to move back home because I wont be 18 until the end of my freshman year. (I graduated high school a year early)
How do I tell Jill I do not want to be her friend, and that she needs to back off and stop acting like my mom without her running off and getting me in trouble with my real mother? | Roommate acts like a 2nd mother always wanting to know where I am and what I am doing. How do I tell her to back off without her running and getting me in trouble with my actual mother? |
t3_31cgjv | relationships | Should I [19M] leave my first boyfriend [22M] of 1.5 years. | I'm sorry for the wall of text and if there is any improper formatting, I'm on mobile and kind of brain-dead right now so its a little difficult!
I want to preface with saying that he has NOT been cheating on me (that I know of).
Okay so in a time frame of less than a year, my boyfriend [22M] has lied to me about pretty important things in our relationship 3 different times. These lies have also been going on for the better part of a year, so about as long as we've been in a relationship.
I've also had plenty of talks with him about opening up and communicating more with me and being more honest with me, none of which he has tried to change in a way that I could see he was trying.
The last two times he lied to me about this we had huge talks about it and how it made me feel, along with where I thought the relationship was headed and he told me he'd never do I again, and he's done it two times over now, along with telling me this time that if I hadn't have found out he was gonna keep it hidden from me and not tell me. Right now I feel like I just can't trust him anymore and I want to leave him but I still love him with all my heart and I don't want our relationship to end, but in the end I want what's best for me. I just don't know and I'm looking for any input on it. | My [19M] boyfriend [22M] has been lying to me for a long time and I don't know whether to leave him or try and save our relationship. |
t3_2kymt7 | relationships | Im a 21 year old male who is a junior in college. I am a virgin and don't ever want to have sex. Am I the only one who wants this? Will I be able to find a purely Platonic relationship? | I honestly do not know why I don't ever want it, but I can say this with a very high degree of conviction. At least a little of it stems from knowing that I don't ever want kids and then taking a sort of naturalist view on sex. However, it goes beyond that; I honestly feel I wouldn't enjoy sex even if I could view it as completely recreational. Given the choice of having sex with the hottest girl on campus or playing basketball, there would be no hesitation in selecting the latter. I've had girlfriends in the past, but eventually we get to the point where sex is the next logical progression. For example my most recent girlfriend said that she would like to try it and I immediately said no. After that she broke up with me and told me that I was a jerk. I like girls as much as any junior in college would and definitely want a serious relationship, but don't know how to get around what people place as the highest display of affection. | I'm a junior in college who doesn't want to ever have sex. Am I going to be able to find a serious girlfriend who is okay with that long term? |
t3_yq8ea | AskReddit | Cat attacked by dog, should the owners of the dog be responsible for the medical bills? | To keep everyone's anonymity the cat owners name can be Clark and the dog owners name can be Doug. (C)lark for cat owner. (D)oug for dog owner.
From my understanding, the dog started to chase the cat on Doug's property. There were 7 or so kids (ages ranging from around 7-15) chasing the dog. Once the cat saw the dog coming, it quickly ran up a tree on Clark's property. Eventually the cat tried to make a run for it. | Cat was attacked by a dog. Taken to the veterinarian but had to be put down due to the injuries. The dog owner refuses to pay the bill. |
t3_senqx | relationships | have you experience dating a bipolar person...? | I didn't know the best place to place this in ask reddit but here we go...
I broke up with my boyfriend partially because i was scared of what I would go through with him (being bipolar) but it wasn't even that bad at all...honestly if he didn't tell me I probably would not know. I miss him, and I want to get back with him. But i don't want to break up again if it is meant to be I would honestly marry this man. I love him so much and I want to make it work..its just ALOT to commit to ... or is it just the word "Bipolar" because his doctor even says he is on the borderline of being bipolar and it is very much under control...
What do you think? | Is dating a bipolar person worth it if everything else is really good. No such thing as prince charming, i want him back! but it is a loaded relationship! |
t3_2vcdka | relationships | I [20M] have a crush on a girl [20F] and I asked her close friend to have a 'quick talk'. Need advice. | Throwaway account.
So I've had a crush on this girl for about 6 months now. We aren't very close, but we've got to know each other reasonably well. This girl is unbelievably beautiful (but also quite pleasant and shy), definitely out of my league.
I sometimes say to myself that I will ask her out when I next see her, but I always back out, and change my mind out of fear of rejection. I will meet her friend, who is quite a close friend of mine in two days to tell her how I feel, just because I haven't told anyone yet. I'm not sure what I'm going to say, but it will be along the lines of; 'I've had a crush on your friend for a while now, just thought I'd let you know... Do you have any advice? Should I give it a go or not?'
Her friend is one of the nicest and most honest people I've ever known, and she's helped quite a few of my friends with their relationship issues etc... So I thought I could trust her.
Is this a stupid thing to do or not? Should I decide not to tell her friend anything?
I'm normally not like this when it comes to girls, and I am quite confident, and I didn't mind being rejected by girls before. I don't know why it is so different in this occasion. Probably because this girl is known by virtually everyone in my social circle, unlike the others, so I probably couldn't deal with the shame if I get rejected. | Have a crush on girl who is definitely out of my league, should I ask her friend for advice or not? Should I just back out and tell her friend not to worry about it and pretend like nothing ever happened? |
t3_48dqd7 | relationships | Me [23 F] with my boyfriend[23 M] of 6 months, having trouble feeling wanted. | First time poster, long time lurker.
Some background:
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 months straight but have been friends for a bit longer + tried dating before we got together. We have been long distance for about 2-3 months now. Although the distance isn't that far, we can't really see each other more than once a month.
Before I get to my question I'd like to emphasize that my boyfriend is absolutely wonderful and treats me really well. I know he loves and cares for me a lot, there's no mistaking that.
I am a talker when it comes to the very few people I feel comfortable enough to let in and love. Up until mid last year that was basically my best friend (no longer friends). Now it's him. And so I call/skype him every so often (about every third day) or ask to and he almost always says yes. I love talking to him and that is how I feel close to him. Although we text each other throughout the day it's not the same as hearing his voice and/or seeing his face. The problem is that I'm almost always the one to initiate the conversation and it would mean a lot to me if he could do the same. It would make me feel wanted if he asked for pics/snaps of me more often as I do of him because seeing him makes me happy. It would mean a lot to me if he asked to talk/skype with me because he misses me and needs to see/hear me.
Now I know the obvious solution is to communicate. But here's the thing. The real problem that I need help with. I've always had a hard time feeling wanted for multiple reasons that I'm aware of. I associate reaching out, wanting to hear/see me with being wanted and if I tell him what I want and he tries, then it's him trying to please me. Not actually wanting it by himself and me basically forcing him. I also don't want to be needy. I know how unreasonable that sounds but it's just the way I feel. How can I improve the situation without sounding like a crazy, needy girlfriend? | Boyfriend rarely initiates calls/skype/talks about the future. I feel unwanted and want him to initiate more without forcing him. Also clearly a bit crazy. |
t3_303lc0 | relationships | I [18M] asked a girl out [17F] but she said no and then some other things..... | This girl that I like throws around a lot of mixed signals. She always invites me to things such as going out to eat, going to the movies, yoga, etc. But she always brings her friend along with her. Her friend isn't at all interested in me but it's just sort of awkward sometimes. My friends have made it very clear in the past that I like her but she chooses just to ignore that fact and not make things awkward. A while ago she said that she asked this guy out that was 18 and had some of the same qualities that I have. Then five minutes later she said she was joking. I didn't get that. I feel as if she was talking about me but just wanted to see my reaction. Five days ago one of my friends texted her and asked her if she liked me or not. She said that she wasn't going to tell them if she did or didn't like me. Naturally, I asked her out on a date. She takes forever to respond and then totally rejects me. She says that going on a date might risk our friendship. RED FLAG! I know. But then she turns around and says that she wants to talk this out in person... WHAT THE HELL IS THERE TO TALK ABOUT?! Then she as well told me: "That would be extremely childish and unattractive" in reference to me not wanting to be friends. Why the hell would I care if not being friends would be "unattractive"? She obviously doesn't care if I'm attractive or not... | What should I do at this point? Should I just not be her friend from now on? Should I attempt to talk to her? Some people have said that she likes me but I need to show her that I do. |
t3_4nlyza | tifu | TIFU by trying to vacuum cat poo | So this actually happened yesterday morning, but when I posted it, it apparently violated rule 4, since it wasn't the weekend...
So I had some friends over last night, so I decided to vacuum my place before I go to work. All is well until I get to the mat outside my cat's litter box, which I decided needed to be vacuumed. So the mat has a recessed design in it which looks like a cat's face, and somehow, a tiny bit of cat poo had gotten outside the litter box and onto the mat. Unfortunately, it had landed right on the design of the cat's face where the eye would be, and my brain processed this as part of the design. It would be nice if I could just blame my decision on not recognizing the little brown spot as cat poo - but just as I was about to vacuum that spot, I saw it and thought, "well, it's cat poop and I guess I could just vacuum it up." This probably would have been okay five times out of seven, if the cat poo had been hard.
Nope. It wasn't hard.
Luckily, it didn't splatter, but it got mushed by the left wheel on my vacuum cleaner, which meant that there were splots of smeared cat poo every 3 inches on my linoleum. I ended up taking the next 20 minutes cleaning smeared cat poo of my floor and vacuum cleaner. The only saving grace is that the bristles didn't seem to have caught any of the cat poo, maybe because the cat poo was in the design of the mat (which is recessed and too low to be caught by the bristles). Anyway, I hope no cat poo ended up in the vacuum cleaner... otherwise, I'm gonna have to explain to my wife why it smells like poop. | tried to vacuum cat poo. Ended up smearing it instead. (Also, TIL we have rules enforced only on certain days of the week...) |
t3_42i85v | relationships | I [32f] may have been projecting my lack of love onto my husband [30m] | Married ten years. We had in-laws come live with us and everything went downhill. My husband would behave in a certain way and then we'd fight over how that behavior was unloving and disrespectful. I no longer felt very close to him and we've been having problems ever since.
Today I had this realization that when I'm blaming him for not loving me I may be really projecting my feelings on him.
For example, I'll say something to the effect of: *You did such and such and it hurt and it shows me you don't care about me at all and you've made us distant.*
Maybe what I'm really feeling is: *You did such and such and because that hurt me I have lost some love for you, and now I don't feel as close to you."*
Does that make sense? I just wonder if all this time I've been blaming him for how he feels, when in reality the problem is actually how I feel.
If so, is this something I should keep to myself and privately work on fixing, or do I fess up and apologize? (Fessing up that I haven't loved him much lately seems harsh and unnecessary.) | Think I've been blaming my husband for how I feel. Do I admit this or just work to improve it on my own? |
t3_170k1w | relationship_advice | I'm (18/m) in trouble with best friend (18/f) | So, i was in a not solid relationship with another girl (my family didn't like her that much), but it was fine for me, but then my best friend started to tell me that i should broke up with my gf and start a relationship with her (i wasn't sure if she really meant it)), she told me that her family wanted her to date me (my family also wants it) and we started to talk a lot about this. One week later (2 weeks ago) i broke up with my gf to try to start a relationship with my best friend. We kept talking about her and me, and i was just giving time to ask her out, but then she kissed another guy (not from our city, actually 500km away). The problem is: I know i have to talk to her about my feelings, but i am to afraid to lose her friendship (i know her since i'm 3 years old, she is very special for me), i think i'm in love with her but i don't know if it's reciprocal, what should i do ? | Had a gf, broke up with her because best friend was hitting on me, think i love her (was just waiting to ask her out), she kissed another guy, don't know what to do |
t3_337qkh | relationships | Me [24 M] with my now ex [23 F] 8 months, was I too harsh. | I've been on and off with this girl for the past 8 months. She lived with her ex boyfriend but insisted that the were broken up and she didn't want to be with him. He moved away from her 3 months ago and we've been casually seeing each other and having sex.
This weekend I went on a vacation with her and friends and found out that the ex had her listed as in a relationship on Facebook. When I found this out I messaged the ex and told him of all the times we had sex. I took screen shots of our conversation and told her to never talk to me again. She's since blocked me on Facebook and won't reply to my texts even though she agreed to talk to me about it.
She was a major part of my support system and I haven't been able to sleep well for 3 days. Does anyone have any advise how to break free from this depression? | found out she was cheating on me messaged ex with proof that we've been seeing each other, now I'm depressed and need advise. |
t3_3ryqei | askwomenadvice | Should I [m17] talk to her [f17] again? | Hello, I'm a seventeen year old guy and I have a crush on a foreign exchange student in my chemistry class. She's seventeen (let's call her Aimée), she has such a beautiful smile (one I was lucky to see when she smiled at me once or twice), and she's from France. I speak a little bit of French so I mentioned it to her she promptly offered to teach me. After and before that Aimée and I talked here and there. Eventually I gave her her my phone number but the catch was that I accidentally gave the wrong one. After that she and I haven't talked in three weeks. Is it possible that she once liked me? If so, could she still like me? Should I talk to her again? | Three weeks ago, a girl who I have a crush on and I used to talk, however after I gave her the wrong number by mistake she and I haven't talked. Should I start talking to her again? |
t3_33bktu | relationships | I [28/M] think I may be hung up on a friend (27/F) of mine. How should I approach the situation? | I have this friend. We met briefly back when we were in our very early 20s. She was a friend of a friend and somehow developed a fairly substantial crush on me. At the time I wasn't about it for a multitude of reasons, lack of experience notwithstanding.
Fast forward how ever many years and we have kept in touch by text. Over the last year or so we have texted each other daily, sometimes quite a lot. I've started to like her quite a bit, and I'm pretty sure she feels the same.
The only reason I don't just date her is that she lives on the East Coast (US) and I live on the West Coast. I can't do a long distance relationship, nor would I really like it. It just seems like an incomplete way to have a relationship. I am neurotic enough in a relationship when I have local relationships and couldn't handle the distance. She came and visited my city last month and stayed with me a couple days (with another friend the other days). We made out quite a bit and did some other stuff (no actual sex though).
When I think about dating in general, she keeps popping into my head (i.e. how would my dating someone local affect our friendship?). I am a human who has intimacy needs and shit, but this hangup seems to make me completely unmotivated to try date (there are also some other possible reasons for this... as I mentioned, I can be very neurotic and trying to date has always made my mind race which generally makes me unhappy) | I have a long distance friend who I have some feelings for and don't know how to handle being hung up on these feelings? |
t3_30kxvl | relationship_advice | I (28/M) messed up with my ex (33/F) by commenting on GW photos... | We've been dating for about a year now. She's the greatest woman I've ever known. And I'm the biggest idiot ever.
When I would work overnights, I'd get bored at work and surf some NSFW subreddits to pass the time. Mostly, I'd merely view photos. But sometimes, I'd comment. Because I'm an idiot. I realized this was really stupid of me, so I stopped about a month ago and completely scrubbed clean my reddit account of the NSFW stuff. Except I forgot the comments. She asked for my phone to look at the photos I took from the day. As I was passing out, she went through my phone, and found out and absolutely blew up.
She broke up with me immediately and now thinks that I've cheated on her the whole time. I didn't realize how much this would hurt her. I saw it as an extension of porn. She thought otherwise. I've sent her a few long emails, explaining that I what I've done wrong, why it was wrong, how it must have made her feel and what I need to do with myself and with the situation to make it better. I don't know what to do. I'm completely remorseful. This woman was the love of my life. I would never cheat on her. I made some really stupid mistakes and fucked up. I'm being honest and open with her on all of it. I don't know what to do now. I told her that she's the only one I ever wanted. She says I broke her trust and that I'll never get it back again. I'm so depressed about this.
I tried to do everything for this woman to prove my devotion to her. We've been through a lot in a year that brought us really close. Now it's all gone. Is there anything I can do? | I commented on girls photos in NSFW. About 34 in total. GF found out. Broke up. Now I'm trying to get her back. |
t3_2p66jv | relationships | How to decrease my [M/18] problems with nervousness and fear on dates? | Hi community,
It's really screwing with me right now. I've had some little dates int he past months but they all failed. I was too nervous. I normally got an unexpected "yes" for the invitation and then looked forward to it, but then the "Oh shit, you have to make it happen this time!" sinks in and screws with my head big time. How can I meet her expectations and make her not reject me? I also have problems asking a girl out because I feel she might reject me but wouldn't have done so if I had picked the perfect opportunity/ the exact perfect right wording /... .
Funnily, while actually on the date it isn't that bad. The initial nervousness cools down after I've become comfortable and conversation goes well and everything. But I always fail to make anything happen physically and that's what makes me think I'm a worthless failure and it's all my fault... What if it could have worked out just fine but because I didn't behave perfectly, I blocked a chance to finally be happy? Just because I was too stupid to do something right?
When I tell my friends how it went, they're all like "Well, doesn't sound like you fucked up or anything, maybe she wasn't into you that much, but it doesn't sound like you failed" but I can identify at least x opportunities in my head where I think "You could have said something much smoother" or "You could have SO gotten her if you hadn't acted so stupid". Funnily, these thoughts aren't there during the actual date because I don't really think about what I'm doing and just act naturally, all that desperation seems to temporarily fade, but afterwards I tend to beat myself up.
I still feel worthless. Still single. How can I make sure it works the next time? Can I even do that? I mean, if it doesn't work out, it must be my fault because I behaved wrong, how can I guarantee it? I don't want to be alone any longer, I want someone who loves me. I want to know I'm worthy of love so I can finally really indulge in all of my not-so-attractive, nerdy hobbies without shame or inferiority. | I tend to get nervous before dates and scared of rejection, and I beat myself up really bad afterwards if I feel I missed a chance to finally be perfectly happy. What can I do to make these feelings stop? |
t3_1pue4b | relationships | How can I [17M] stop thinking of my friends romantically? | I've always been quite feminine, to the point where people have on many occasions thought I was gay.
As such, I've only ever been able to become friends with girls. Guys just tend to annoy me.
I've never had a girlfriend. However, the two people I've felt an attraction to (Who have both been my closest friends) have not returned my feelings. On both occasions, the spectacular emotional connection I had with the person was destroyed when I said how I was feeling.
I've just gotten really disappointed and discouraged by those failures, and I'm extremely scared of the possible repercussions of trying again.
What can I do to segregate "friend" from "potential future partner" in my mind? Due to my lack of experience, I can't even see the difference here. What's the difference between dating someone and being a close friend? | I'm clueless as to how to go about not dating people, and I don't even know what dating means besides friendship and companionship. |
t3_3eytz4 | tifu | TIFU by spilling paint all over a client's carpet | I have been a /r/TIFU lurker for a long time and this is my first actual post, so here goes... **This actually happened today!** Wow, ikr? Anyway, I work for a painting company and we were working inside someone's house today fixing the paint job from when the house was built. (The homeowners were not happy with the previous painter's job). The homeowners had a *very* hard time choosing what kind of sheen they wanted (that's the shininess), because they wanted their walls to be washable but not shiny. So, I was rolling out part of the stairwell when I was told to stop because they didn't like how shiny it was. They start discussing it with my co-worker. As I am walking up the stairs I accidentally hit a gallon paint can that my co-worker had set down and left. It fell over and got paint all over their carpet. We immediately jumped on it but we were unable to get it out. Basically the carpet now looks like crap. I felt really bad about it the whole day (and still do). What makes it worse is that the homeowners were there and didn't even seem mad, but we knew that they were. | The homeowners talked about sheen, then I came onto the scene, into the gallon I ran, I knocked over the can, and now the carpet is tan. |
t3_4cg6dj | relationships | I [21/F] saw women's things at my FWB [30/M] of 7 months house. | A little backstory, I met a man in Septemeber. We got along great, and had awesome sex. I have had many FWB relationships, and none have actually wanted to be actual friends with it. I could tell Jason was different from the get go. He would text me everyday, all day. Telling me anything that happened in his day. Asking about mine. He would ask to see me 3+ times a week. Things haven't change any since then. It's been great.
So last night I was over at his house. I went to use the bathroom, and I noticed there was women's body wash on the side of his tub. My body kind of went numb. I wanted to cry. I just didn't like him at the moment. So I got out of the bathroom and told him I had to go. He wanted me to stay longer, I could tell, but I just had to leave. We have never had ill words, never had an argument. He must of knew something was up though because he asked me later that night if I was mad at him. I didn't want things to be weird, so I told him nothing was wrong and we just went back to normal.
I really thought I had my feelings in check. I never thought before this I had deeper feelings for him. Now that I feel this immense amount of jealously, I'm questioning how I truly feel. Not only that, I started making excuses for him. (like, this couldn't be from a girl he had over. His friend was over last weekend and he must of brought his girlfriend. It had to be hers. His sister is in town. Maybe she stayed the night. There's no way he had a girl over. He texts me ALL the time.) Basically, I'm just afraid I really do have feelings for him, but I dont want it to be like that. I REALLY enjoy how things are now.
Are these feelings normal? Should I ask him about it? | I saw a women's body wash at my FWB house. I didn't think I had feelings for him, but I am afriad I do because of my jealously. |
t3_yxpvt | AskReddit | I just got robbed. What should I do? | So my apartment got robbed (upstairs duplex) while I was at work and my girlfriend was at school. Our dog was here but thankfully he's okay (from what I can see). Our downstairs neighbor called the police when she saw the backdoor window shattered in the late afternoon. There was a window between 9:30 and 4:30 that the burglars could have come in. From what the policemen said, they probably spent no more than a minute in the place and took whatever they could find. To be honest, I wouldn't care so much if they hadn't stolen my late mother's diamond ring that I was going to use to propose to my girlfriend. They took a laptop, imac, slr camera, swiss watches, ipad, etc... They hit the jackpot. What is worse is that we don't have renter's insurance because my girlfriend never followed through with it after getting an initial quote. I really don't know what I'm supposed to do at this point. The only folks that I even suspect are two groups of movers. One small moving company back in August 2011 and two other guys that I saw doing a moving job on our street that I got their numbers with. I don't want to judge or profile anyone but I want to make sure I make the best decisions moving forward. I was thinking about calling the moving companies and asking for their full names to send them late "thank you letters." I'm going to run around the city at the pawn shops pretending I'm looking for certain kinds of rings that would fit my mother's. I'm a public school teacher and my girlfriend is a grad student and we can't afford this at all. Does anyone have any advice of what I should do next? Or should I just accept the fact we lost all of that? | My place got robbed. They stole $20,000 worth of goods. Police can't do anything. And I don't know what I need to do next. |
t3_qlqie | AskReddit | Seriously. I have to know... | IS there some kind of fucking reddit addon that can filter out images? I am so fucking sick of seeing cats and dogs all damn day. I can't tell what the image is going to be any more before clicking on it with a title like "On the couch" or "Super cupcake fack time". (How would I know that's a picture of your stupid little kitten?) And 90-fucking-percent of Reddit consists of it now. Holy fuck, I am tired of it. Reddit used to be a LOT more entertaining a year ago. Now it consists of cats, dogs, meme repeats, and anti-religion shit.
I don't want to filter out pics entirely, just the images of everyone elses fucking pets. Half the pics aren't even remotely interesting and still get upvoted to my front page. I don't give a damn about your cats and dogs. Especially when it isn't doing anything interesting. "Oh, look, it's licking your food" or "Look, that cat is SITTING".. it's fucking SITTING?!! REALLY!? OH EMM FUCKING GEEEE! AMAZING. ಠ\_ಠ | Your cats /dogs suck. They aren't doing anything special in these pics you submit. How can I filter this bullshit out? |
t3_g5qpa | AskReddit | whats your worst one night stand story? | Halloween a couple years ago a huge group of friends and I decided to meet at a buddies place get our pre-drinking sorted and get dressed there and we would meet up the next day to collect belongings/tell the stories of the night. We get pretty drunk and buddies place and get on the subway to our destination, at the bar I get completely smashed and dressed as edward scissor hands I look like a fucking disaster, I walk passed this really big girl who follows me down to the washroom, drags me into the washroom and starts to make out with me/give me a handy but we are barely fitting in the stall as I'm not small and like I said she was **HUGE**, so nearing the end of the night and I am fall over drunk, I walk out to get a cab and somehow she sees me grabs 2 big fucking duffel bags and gets into the cab with me, we get back to mine and do our thing, which I don't remember much of next day I wake up stark naked spread eagle with no covers over me and the drapes wide fucking open, thinking it was all a dream I get ready to go back to buddies place feeling no guilt because I didn't have sloppy drunk sex with a fat girl 300+. Just before I leave my place I find this huge fucking vest thing that was apparently part of her costume, my heart sank and that was my first and only huge girl, I swear. I got in with 2 normal girls that same day so that was pretty good karma. | I had a dream I had sex with a huge girl 300+ when I found part of her giant halloween costume I figured out it was all too real. |
t3_14zk5d | dating_advice | Am I [21M] too deep in the friendzone with a [21F]? | This girl [21F] and I met our freshman year of college (at the freshman camp before school starts), but she was in a relationship at the time so I didn't make a move since she was taken. I was instantly attracted to her, but I didn't do much given her relationship. We became really good friends hanging out and getting to know each other. She is really cool.
She broke up with her bf of 4 years [21M] about a year ago and I had to help her through it a little bit. She has been on and off with him until about 5 months where she broke it off entirely. She also helped me through a breakup (I had known her for about a year when this happened).
She has referred me to being the 'uncle' to her future children in conversation. So, to say the least, I would assume I am really deep in the friendzone.
We have had some conversations and it seems that our interests align when it comes to getting out of college and starting life. We seem to have the same interests, beliefs, practicality, etc.
It is also worth noting that she and I can go and hangout, just the 2 of us, and it is not at all awkward. We would study together and rarely get anything done because we would talk the whole time. This summer I asked her to go dressed nice somewhere (I didn't tell her where we were going, she just knew that she had to dress nice) and she agreed to go, but unfortunately I got stuck at work and had to cancel.
I am interested in dating her: What should I do now? Ask her to do something else? Should I tell her how I feel? | I have known a girl for 4 years, interested in dating her, and can't decide what I should do next. |
t3_4ff2ah | relationships | My [17/F] friends [18/F] no longer invite me anywhere and when I ask them they are too busy, yet I see them hanging out all the time on Snapchat | So I pretty much have no friends. I always ask people to do something and they are always too busy but then on I see them hanging out on snapchat without me?? It sucks so much. I sit at home all weekend, every weekend crying. I see everyone going out and having fun on snapchat while I am alone laying in my bed like every other day. I am sick of it. I talk to a lot of people at school but outside of school no one. I am not "weird" or socially awkward, just no one likes me enough to want to hang out. I recently injured myself pretty badly and told my "friends" and none of them came to visit, even though they visited others when they were injured and I visited them when they were injured. I pretty much lied on my couch feeling depressed and crying while in pain for a week. so should I give up on my "friendship" with the two other girls? Or should I continue to see if they want to eventually hang out? Any tips for meeting new people as a senior in high school? | friends are always to busy to hang out, yet spend time together often and I see it on snapchat. Should I continue trying to ask them to hang out or move on? |
t3_3x6sb4 | relationships | Me (22f) and boyfriend (26m) have been together for a short time, but I like him more as a friend now. | Me and my bf have known each other for a few months but have only been dating for a few weeks. It was great in the beginning but I'm realizing I like him more as a best friend, and there isn't much romantic chemistry. Problem is, he is already crazy about me. I know it will break his heart if I break it off, but I know I need to do it because it will be better for the both of us in the long run. He's gotten turned down a lot for only being liked as a friend, so I feel really bad about this.
I just don't know how or what to say to make it as least painful as possible. Can anyone give me some examples of what to say? Or any relevant stories that could help me out? | Dating bf for a few weeks but realize I only like him as a good friend. How do I break up without breaking his heart? |
t3_360l5f | AskDocs | Did my internal organ get hurt? | Age: 25
Sex: Female
Height: 5"1
Weight: 130 pounds
Location of pain: upper stomach area
The other day my husband was drunk and being an asshole. I was in a sitting position, leaning forward slightly, which creates two stomach rolls due to me being a bit flabby and out of shape. And he reached over and *pinched* my upper abdomen skin roll *very hard*.
I immediately felt a very intense pain, more pain that you would expect from a pinch, and screamed and cried at him. He's a fucking drunk asshole so of course he thought I was overreacting. The next day I was at college, and felt several small sharp stabbing pains in that area as I stood up from my desk.
It's now about a week later and I still don't feel right in that area. There is no bruising, but I feel little sharp stabbing pains occasionally. I am worried that he got hold of my internal organ (liver?) when he pinched me because of how I was sitting, perhaps a lobe of the liver was sticking out and he got hold of that. I have also been having little spells of nausea here and there.
My questions: is it possible that he pinched my liver or am I being silly and it's just muscle pain? What emergency symptoms do I need to look out for that require treatment?
Due to a series of fuck ups I don't have health insurance so I can't just pop in for a check-up. I will go to emergency if you all really think I should.
I know people will comment about the relationship part of this: I would not have married my husband if being an abusive asshole was a core part of his personality. He has a bad alcohol problem and turns into a completely different person when drunk - it's such a huge personality change that we even have a different name we (me, our friends, his family) call him when he's blacked out. He has admitted to having a problem and is entering a treatment program on Monday. I will not stay with him if he keeps becoming a drunken asshole. | Upper abdomen was pinched very hard while I was in a sitting position and leaning forward. Worried my liver was pinched. Now experiencing small sharp pains and occasional nausea. |
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