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t3_z98ra | relationship_advice | [20/m] I need confidence after a long break for a gorgeous admirer (18/f). | I'll start this off by saying people consider me an attractive guy. I'm not sure why and don't see it, but because of this and my personality, a bunch of girls have been into me, and it always escalates but I never make moves and it tears me apart. One in particular, an extremely hot girl, is really into me and everyone tells me that and everyone knows that, including both me and her. We just don't openly talk about it to each other because it would be awkward, but it's understood.
The problem is, I've only had one girlfriend a few years ago, so I don't have tons of experience. I'm really self-critical and this keeps me from doing things I want to do for girls because I'm afraid of messing it up.
Last week, she needed a place to stay so I offered my bed and we slept together. All I wanted to do was put my arm around her, and I couldn't even do that. Then last night, it took me getting drunk and her friends telling her to make the first move and kiss me to get us to kiss. That really made me angry, that it took a friend's plan like that to get us to kiss instead of my own spontaneous, genuine initiative. After I got back I apologized for how that happened, but I let her know that that was 100% what I wanted, to show affection for her. And she said she wanted to kiss me too. We text every day (she even initiates that usually), but today after that kiss I'm not sure what to say to her. What is my next step? | A gorgeous girl is into me and I'm messing up because I don't have the confidence to make moves. What do I do? |
t3_4oj0wy | relationships | My girlfriend [20/F] is losing alot of her friends since getting into a relationship with me [20/M], and it's really upsetting her. | It's happened to me to, what with being at University and spending alot of my time with her. She has spent most of her time with me and, like myself, has found it more difficult to reserve time for friends. She's been working alot lately and life in general is just really tiring her out, so this is really upsetting for her. I can't help feeling that i'm the source of this, even though I know this isn't my fault. I would never want to bring her away from her social circle, but that's what has happened between us.
We're more than happy together, but it's really upsetting her and I don't know how to help her. | SO losing alot of her friends, and they're having a go at her for being in a relationship and not being "bothered to socialise". |
t3_3mjrq5 | offmychest | I don't get life | What's the point? I've made great connections with people before, most of which are now lost. Those that are not, will be, whether it's in a year or five. Because people change, settle down with their loved ones, and move on. I've fallen in love but it didn't work out, twice over the past 10 years. I've tried dating since my last break up but I'm just so not interested in empty small talk and repetitive getting to know each other. I moved on from my past, traveled for a while and settled somewhere else. I made friends but they're all just superficial, everybody has their own life and I just wonder how should mine look like?
I have dreams, big ones and I am working towards them but I keep thinking - what's the point of even achieving them? What's the point of making friends along the way? What's the point of falling in love again? If everything will disappear. In 100 years, every single person who is reading this will be dead. Every single person I've ever met will be dead.
So is there even any responsibility to be taken for anything I do? Nothing I do matters, no matter how much will I dedicate my life to help people, in short time everything I know will be gone. And I tried to find my happiness in the little things, the small pleasures, such as having a cold beer on a sunny afternoon after hard day of work, or volunteering in a hospital, or working out and yes, all those activities are quite enjoyable. For like an hour out of 24. And when I try to fill my day with these little enjoyable activities, I just get overwhelmed by the amount of things I have to do and end up stressed anyway. And even then - what's the point of doing these if I'll be gone in like 60 years anyway. | I don't see a point in living, all the beauties of life are just temporary and get replaced by sadness soon anyway. |
t3_1iyxuc | relationships | I feel like Me[20M] and my gf[20F] talk way too much | Me and my girlfriend have been dating for a little over 3 months. We hang out 2-3 times a week but on days that we don't hang we literally text each other every moment of the day.
The thing is me and her both don't really have a problem with it. Our relationship is pretty good but I feel like if we keep doing this we will eventually tire out and get a little annoyed eventually.
Is this normal for a newer relationship? I'm pretty sure this much communicating is unhealthy right? How should we approach this? I'm scared if this keeps going on it will hurt our relationship in the long run. | me and my gf of 3 months text pretty much every moment of every single day that we don't hang out and im afraid this is unhealthy and will damage our relationship. how do we approach this? |
t3_1tk31m | relationships | Me [22 M] with my best friend [22 F] of 10 years, I'm getting more and more irritated. | Hi everyone,
I've known my best friend for nearly 10 years. I, for the most part, love spending time with her, minus some extremely irritating personality traits that I've chosen to ignore for the course of our relationship. By ignoring these traits, I don't think she realizes how frustrating/annoying they are for me.
For example: She calls me this morning, I tell her I'm sleeping. She continuously says, "Wake up! Wake up!" to which I reply, "I'm going to hang up." She does it again, I hang up. I texted her asking what she needed, she bluntly replied, "Nevermind."
I know she's irritated with me for hanging up, but she asked for it. Now I feel like I'm walking on eggshells and if I bring it up to her, she'll be pissed or will act like it's not a big deal.
Bottom line, I feel like she tries to control me by being emotionally overreactive. I don't know how to address things with her because I feel like one small argument will end the friendship forever. I can give other examples or details if that'll help.
Thanks! | Have avoided telling best friend that certain things she does annoy me, feel like she tries to control me through emotional overreactions. |
t3_4vsnju | relationships | I'm [20/F] having realisations about my Dad [54/m] and trying to figure it all out | My Dad has always been pre occupied with a bit of drinking and working. There's always been tension that my Mum spoils me (and my two sisters). There's been instances in the past when my Mum has said that my Dad said he wanted a better relationship with us.
He's quite an aggressive person and can sometimes explode, it's happened to me twice and it works on a humiliation and sometimes a violent level (eg. once I accidentally hit him with a mandarin in a joking way then he angrily threw a set of tongs at my head). I really struggle to deal with his outbursts but I also understand that it's the way he deals with his emotions.
Recently my Nan (my Mums Mum) passed away and I had to take some time off work as I wasn't coping, I returned home to stay with my parents (I no longer live with them). My Mum was out of hearing range and he asked me to come and turn a light off. The light was closer to him and I jokingly called him lazy. He then retaliated with 'you have no right to call me fucking lazy' in a really aggressive tone. (alluding to the fact that I had to take time off work. I brought this up with my Mum and she validated my feelings but also defended his actions.
At the funeral I had recently had a break up with my boyfriend. Both of my sisters are in long term relationships. I had no one to support me there as my mum was very upset and relying on my dad for comfort. I feel like it was my Dads role to comfort me but instead didn't speak to me for the duration of the day and at the wake.
He constantly complains that I don't go home when he's there/ I never see him but it's because I don't feel the need to as he has never made an effort with me. I often feel like he doesn't like/care for me and it hurts my feelings immensely. I don't feel as though I can bring it up with him either, because he would probably get defensive and blame me or It would cause me great anxiety only to have it brushed off. | not very close with my dad/don't feel like he likes me. Tips and advice on approaching this sort of thing? |
t3_1ojq6z | relationships | Me [22 M] with my coworker [27 F] couple of months, she's leaving soon but I want to get to know her better | I've been trying to get to know a coworker of mine better (in a romantic way) for the past few weeks. Things have been going relatively well for the past few weeks. We went to karaoke a couple weeks back and from there we started talking more frequently. We've gotten to the point of texting each other on a daily basis now with casual conversation (not just work-related). I received some unfortunate news today that she will be leaving the company in a couple of weeks. What can I do in these two weeks to take our relationship further? I also want to note that she does not respond that well to direct/aggressive approaches, so I do not necessarily want to come out and say that I like her upfront for fear of scaring her away. | Been getting close to coworker for past few weeks, but she is leaving in two weeks. What to do next? |
t3_kk87g | relationship_advice | Would you leave someone after | Have any of you ever had second thoughts about a girl/guy, after dating for about a 3weeks?
At little detail: she once told me that usually she only dates bigger guys(4yrs older, and a bigger body) and that he should not be shy about anything.
About this, I was an exception because I am shy about certain things but confident enough, same age, and a bit smaller body.(to this she said, its more fun than she thought it would be)
Would I be correct to assume that maybe she had second thoughts about me, that I'm not what she wants?
Her reason was that she's not ready for a relation ship, since she just broke up from a 4 yr old relationship. At first she also stated that she doesn't want a relation, but was first to say that she misses me when im not around, and that its very good that we are feeling the same thing.
I can almost definitely say that we had fun in those few weeks, so that shouldn't be an issue, chemistry was there and we did get physical, so there was attraction(at least I assume so) | Would you ever leave someone after dating for a few weeks, simply because you had second thoughts about them or because you didn't see him attractive anymore? Has that ever happened? |
t3_2i7bs1 | relationships | Is she (f/30) trying to backstab me (f/24), or am I just reading too much into this? | I feel like I could be horribly wrong about this but I'd like some outside perspective to help me understand what's happening.
My friend Joan and I met Bob when we both went out to a function together. Bob is really nice and I realize I might be interested in him. I told her that Bob and I started to communicate and that he's a really nice guy. I think Joan realizes that I might like him too. When I bring him up in conversations she changes the subject.
I told her I was going to be at a group activity that Bob invited me to. She told me she knew I was going because of him but didn't say anything further about the issue.
Joan is the kind of person who is always on the hunt for a man. She considers everyone she meets as boyfriend material.
She doesn't consider the possibility that other people might also be interested in meeting potential suitors or even friends. She says she's extroverted but sometimes I get the feeling that she's looking for attention.
I asked her if she liked Bob and she told me she didn't. She said he was too serious for her and that she didn't know what she would do if he asked her out on a date.
Tomorrow night, unbeknownst to me, Joan is organizing a night of drinking on the town. Bob texted me and asked if I was going and I was completely clueless. I asked her about it and she just said, "oh, yeah, you're welcome to come if you want."
So yeah, sometimes I really like her and we get along well, but sometimes I feel like she's trying to take the spotlight away from everyone else and put it on herself. I don't even know if Bob is interested in me yet, we could just turn out to be friends, but I feel like Joan is trying to impede me from finding out. Am I being paranoid? Should I even go out tomorrow? I feel like I'm not wanted there. | I feel like my friend wants to take attention off of other people and put it on herself. She didn't invite me to drink tomorrow but she invited a mutual friend I like. Is she trying to isolate me? |
t3_1sgvr8 | Advice | how long (if ever) did it take you to finally "mature"? | ive always been pretty fucking immature, but for most of my life i used it to my advantage and played it off like im joking around all the time, i feel like I'm mentally ready to mature, but to be perfectly honest i still kind of like the attention i get from it. im 21 years old and realizing a lot of people are starting to take steps that i havnt and putting up mental barriers that i dont really think of, because im so drawn to just doing things people think i cant. now im not a bum by any means, finishing my last year of college and already have intern work under my belt, but i still feel like it isnt for me and i think its showing itself strongest in my encounters with women, i feel like a lot of girls are out of my league just from a maturity standpoint and it intimidates the hell out of me. | i'm 21 years old, having trouble wrapping my mind around the concept of maturity. did it happen naturally f/or you or did you have to force it? and when did it happen? (if at all?) |
t3_35kqye | relationships | Me [24 M] with my GF[24 F] 1 year, problems with sexual past. | Hey there guys.
So GF and I started dating approximately a year ago. I wasn't ready for a commitment and that was on me, so we broke up. This was a full on break, I had no intention of rekindling it.
She moved away and we saw each other every couple months through mutual friends, was usually cordial. Fast forward to a drunken hookup and we decide we want to give it another go. 6 months later and its going great. Besides one thing.
I can accept that she moved on during those times, other guys, one of which I know. That's okay, I don't blame her. On the other hand there is one thing that just eats me up and I truly don't know how to deal with it. At one point she ended up having a foursome with 3 other random guys. She says it was the biggest mistake she's ever made and that she didn't mean for it to happen. Too much booze low self esteem, me breaking up with her.
Anyways, I can forgive that, though forgive isn't the right word because she has nothing to forgive. I'm just really struggling to get the whole thing out of my mind. I hate that its eating me up. We've talked about it and it helped, but I just can't strike it out of my mind and its totally messing me up. I love this girl I really do, I wish we would have met when I was ready and that this hadn't happened. So does she for what its worth.
So anyone with a similar issue, any advice to make this shit work. I want it to more than anything but its hard. God damn it is it fucking hard... | Broke up, got back together. Ex had a 4-some with strangers, tell me its possible to get over this. |
t3_4aegiu | tifu | TIFU by causing a school-wide panic. | Obligatory "this didn't happen today" announcement. This happened several years ago while I was in high school.
My freshmen year of HS, I had a science class in the very back of the school that was two connecting rooms-one for notes/lectures and the other was a lab.
After our first test of the year, those who finished first were sent to the lab room so we wouldn't have to sit silently. The lab had a bunch of breakfast bar type of tables, and each one had a gas line with a nozzle sticking out for the burners and stuff. The teacher told us not to worry about them since the gas had been cut off years ago due to low use.
So, I was done before any of my friends and started messing with the nozzle, trying to see how it worked. And then it snapped off. I spent a while trying to secure it back, but it was broken. So, I set it back on so it looked right, but would fall off if it were bumped/touched at all.
The next year, they stopped using those two classrooms because they were so far in the back, and they had rooms in a better place, so I never thought about it again until my senior year.
Fast forward 3.5 years, I'm a senior sitting in my first block Marine Biology class. The fire alarm sounds, and the principal gets on the intercom telling everyone to calmly go outside. We all get outside, take attendance, and then are corralled into the field house for a couple hours.
Right before they sent us home, the principal addressed the school and told us that the gas lines had been turned back on this morning, but no one knew there was a broken nozzle, so the gas leaked and filled a large portion of the school before a class noticed the smell. | My fuck up took three and a half years to catch up with me, but when it did it leaked gas into my high school and caused a school wide panic and evacuation. |
t3_4gxy73 | dating_advice | I (18f) am not exactly sure how to proceed with (19m). I thought our date when great, but getting a weird vibe the day after. | So, I saw this amazingly good looking dude at the dunkin donuts by my place. We exchanged smiles but didn't get the chance to say anything. He walks out and I happen to open tinder.. his profile is the first to pop up. So we talked for a few weeks then faded out. He added me on Facebook about 3 weeks ago. He was liking almost every picture I posted so I messaged him and we had talked everyday since.
Last night, we finally went on a date. We sat in a Starbucks for 3 hours and talked non-stop. We click so well. We walk back to our cars and I gave him a hug good bye and he kissed me. He asked me if I made him safe after we left. We texted again all night. But today, I haven't heard from him much. I feel like after I finally go on a date with someone they just drop me the next day.
His is an immigrant from Bosnia and I know his parents would be upset if he was seeing anyone either not Bosnia or not Muslim. We were talking about our families and this had come up a few days before. He told me he just kept stuff like that from him. But.. I am a white jewish girl so I'm scared that this might be apart of the problem.
I would really like to proceed on with him, but I'm not sure how to ask him on a second date or have this process. | Went on a date last night, I feel like it went well. He seems distant today. I want to keep things going. |
t3_17lx30 | needadvice | I don't know what my career should be, I'd like your opinion, redditors. | Hello reddit, I'm a British 21 year old male that goes by the name WarmAir when not in meatspace. I spent most of my teenage life believing that I wanted to help sick people and have lots of respect and be loved by everyone and that I'd become a doctor... Oh, my grades aren't good enough? Well, I'll be a pharmacist.
Because I was lucky and live in a country where education comes to those who are not deserving of it, I was accepted by a university and I now have been studying to become a pharmacist for two years and in three more years of passing exams I will be a fully-fledged pharmacist. Unfortunately I now realise I don't want to look after people. It sounds stupid, I know, but I don't want to care for the sick, I've had family die in hospitals whilst being cared for and seen my friends be "sick" and *cared for* I don't want to have to deal with that every day for the rest of my working life. I love the healthcare system, I'm glad it exists, I just don't want to be a part of it
Great! That means that my current career path (becoming a pharmacist) would make me unhappy, I don't want to be unhappy, so I'll quit university! But wait, what do I do instead?
My interests include computing, literature and playing videogames, I enjoy making D&D campaigns for my friends and running them as a DM. I'm an uninteresting yet occasionally eloquent person who's good at maths and science. I have nothing to make a career out of. Where should I turn for careers advice reddit? I've googled the breadths of the internet in search of good advice, but now I turn to you.
All I can think of now is that I should become a programmer, it scratches my urge to have a career creative and changing whilst being challenging with ways to find your own solutions without having to be artistic (art is my dump skill). Maybe programming would just allow me to not have to deal with ill people and mean that I would be learning something that genuinely interests and fascinates me. | Reddit, how should a 21 year old with good enough grades to get into another degree course of his choice choose his future career now that he understands himself? |
t3_1j36us | relationships | First time 20[F] has just blown me off [20M]. Should i be worried? | So some background: I met this girl about in February. Not a lot of contact till May when I asked her to dinner and she invited me to her room later on (nothing happened) in the week. Then I learned she had a boyfriend. Nevertheless, they broke up shortly afterwards.
During the summer it was really long distance but about a week after her breakup she started to text me every single day. We got along pretty well but she would occasionally talk about her exes, and I asked her to stop and ignored her for a day afterwards. There was some tension later on but the ice got broken and we started to get along even better than before. She started to call me every single day as well, and we'd fall asleep to each other on call.
Now, I was planning to ask her out once we met up again, but today something very weird happened. I asked her if I seemed more upbeat as I had been in a bad mood lately and she suddenly brought up the fact that I never start our conversations. I said that I'd do better and she told me to both worry and not worry about it. Obviously I was confused so I asked what I was supposed to say, and she suddenly got very apathetic to the subject. I then asked her to explain what was going on, and she refused. Getting a little angry, I asked her what the hell she expected from me and she just sighed and said goodnight. I called her immediately afterwards to talk, but she avoided the issue and basically said "I don't think this is a good topic to discuss". Immediately afterwards she says that the TV show she is watching is going to lag and hangs up the call. I leave her completely alone after that, and I originally planned to not message her at all, but I'll take whatever advice Reddit has to offer. | girl is pissed off at me because I'm clueless. Is she over reacting or should I apologize? And do you think she still likes me? |
t3_4boy53 | tifu | TIFU by drinking soda at home. | so this FUCK UP happened last week when I was at home. Given that i'm usually careful with opening soda at home since i got carpet flooring. However last week I was having a bad day and decided maybe a coke would make it better.. and this is where the fuck up happens. I opened the fridge and there was no soda, so now im forced to grab one out of my top cabinet. I managed to shake it up before I got it down and I didnt notice and when I opened it, it just started FOAMING all over my carpet on my way to the computer. I shit you not this was a 2 liter, I got so pissed I just threw the whole thing on the floor. Then I just went to sleep and there were ants all over the next day and I had to get a cleaner. | Wanted soda, only to find warm soda and got it all over carpet, got mad and threw whole bottle on floor. |
t3_51j9vq | relationship_advice | [18/m] I regret getting into a relationship with the girl (17/f) who's in love with me. | I have never dated anyone before however I've always had girls "at my disposal" to some extent. Recently I'd met this girl on the train and almost every weekend we had seen each other, which is odd because being at boarding school I don't even see my parents more than a few times a year.
At first I thought it was just a harmless friendship because during this time I'd still been hooking up with other women and she was aware of this. Although after a few months I found out through her friends and my friends who had come to know her that she was falling for me hard.
Naturally I'd told them that I liked her as well because for the most part it was true, I really did like hanging out with her and enjoyed being with her.
Everyone took this as a sign that our feelings were mutual and before I could make anything clear I found myself being pressured into a relationship I wasn't sure about.
Now a week into it I am sure that I don't want this, but she's confessed to being in love with me and I've built such a strong network of friends through her that I can't bring myself to end it so soon.
What can I do about this? Or am I better off just accepting things how they are now? | I was pressured into a relationship with a girl who loves me and I don't feel the same. How should I break this up without hurting her especially being only 2 weeks into the relationship |
t3_30q6oq | relationships | I(26/f) have been single for almost 5 years | I am sure this might come off a bit ego centric. But I just need an outside point of view. Prior to me being single I was in a serious but abusive relationship for 1.5 yr, prior to that it in a relationship for 3 years in high school. I'm glad everything is done and over with because it made me who I am.
At first being single was amazing and I really "found" myself. Amidst the time I did meet a guy( 2 yrs ago), fell really hard for him but did not pan out due to a vast distance amongst us.
Now I am beginning to wonder if there is something wrong with me. I have been on dating sites and don't feel so fulfilled or connected with the people I meet. I don't really meet people on a daily basis. But I am beginning to wonder if I am doing something wrong.
I have friends who talk to all these different guys or I see on TV how people are dating a new guy every week. I know I should now have TV has a reference point. But I can't help but wonder if that's how my mid 20's single life is SUPPOSED to be.
I know that for me to meet my significant others I'd need to be friends with them first. But number of friends (co workers included) are very limited. I guess my anxiety is rooted to the fact that a majority of my friends are either in a serious relationship, married, engaged or married with children. I should embrace single-hood and paint the town red but meh. | Been single for 5 years. Dating life is kinda crappy. Everyone is getting married, engaged, serious relationships and babies. Feeling like there is something wrong with me. Is feeling all of this normal? |
t3_3ppyyw | relationships | How do I [32 F] convince my Boss [~45 F] of 2 years, to change my work schedule? | I work at a credit union as a loan officer taking loan applications over the phone. In an office that has 17 employees total, I am one of six call center employees. Four of us share a room with cubicles; while two of my co-workers (males) have their own private offices. They have been "grandfathered" in to work a Monday-Friday schedule.
One of the guys who has an office has no called/no showed twice in the past six months for a week at a time when he was scheduled to train an employee.
I was the only female in this setting for the first year that I worked here. I have more experience than my coworkers. I am way more motivated and responsible than my peers: I have surpassed them by taking more tests, and gaining credentials that are part of our career path.
My manager is the southern conservative type who has worked with the bank for 25+ years and seems to favor males.
The problem is that in the past any time I bring up an idea with my manager, she tends to shoot me down.
I'm in grad school for a Masters in Library Science and I am one class away from graduating. The final class I need is on a Saturday from 9:00-3:00. Currently I work 8:30 to 5:30 Tuesday-Saturday. I would like to negotiate working a Monday-Friday schedule even temporarily while I complete my last class.
I have been at a training seminar (taking on more responsibilities). At training, I learned from fellow employees at other branches that their managers allowed them much more leniency in shifting their days around. Other than growing a pair and morphing into the opposite gender, what can I do to convince my boss to work with me on this!? | I'm in grad school and need one last class that conflicts with my work schedule and my boss doesn't seem to want to work with me, what am I to do? |
t3_4igs23 | relationships | [22/m] What to do regarding [20/f]? (x-post r/relationship_advice) | X-post from r/relationship_advice. Not too sure where I should post so if it's not meant for here, remove it!
Just a heads up, I'm going to leave a few details out, such as exact locations etc.
So there's this girl who I like in my university class who is on exchange for the semester which ends in 2 weeks (we've exams at the moment). After the exams are over, she goes home. Before I knew her, I was actually thinking of going to that country for the summer to work. After getting to know her, and after she suggested that I could go to the same city where she lived (I know no one in the country), I applied for a visa. As of right now, I'll likely get a visa mid-to-late June.
So here is my problem, do I go abroad for say 2 months for her or do I get over her and just stay in my country? I'll literally be going over for her so should I meet up with her and say that to her and explain the situation?
Some additional info:
I've asked her out before but some of her family were over and she wasn't around (although she said "another time for sure"). The second time, I was crazy busy with projects and asked her to go for a drink. She was already out with her friends but invited me to join them. I didn't because of timings, projects and the likes. I'm fairly sure she knows I like her but I'm still unsure if that feeling is mutual!
If I go abroad, I'll likely lose a fair bit of money due to flights and all being expensive, living expenses and so on. If I stay where I am, I'll earn a fair bit of money and likely secure a job for after my degree which would be ideal. The money plays a part in my decision. | Met this girl on exchange in my course and like her. Do I go over to her city for the summer (for her) or stay where I am? |
t3_417lle | relationships | Me [23F] with my bf [25 M] of 4yrs, doesn't want me to leave (xpost r/depression) | My boyfriend is frustrated that I want to see my family more often. He says I see them enough, we visit for lunch most Sundays, we shouldn't be taking steps backwards in our relationship.
I just quit school to start jobhunting. So all week, I'm alone while he goes to work. Like a child I cried this morning desperately wanting to see my family, spend the night, thinking how much I miss my father gets the tears rolling. I hate that I'm not allowed to go, again like a child. My bf says that we should be together on the weekend because he works during the week. And no, visiting my family with me is out of the question, he hates them. He even listed numerous reasons why they're terrible people.
It was surreal and yet not completely surprising to me. After I cried him awake, my boyfriend was supportive. He tries comforting me, asking me what's wrong. Once I tell him he got angry and defensive and tells me to grow up. Your mother is controlling, your sister is dumb, you don't understand that I want you here.
I feel isolated and desperate. I'd never kill myself, but if I were to just disappear, I might not mind. My bf could be right. If I talked to my family on the phone at all, maybe I'd feel better. I feel like I could use therapy but I can't afford a lot of sessions.
I don't want to leave my bf. But I can't stand not seeing my family. I want my father to hug me, my mom to be sober and my sister to just be herself around me. I remember living with them again for a week last year and it's the happiest I've been in ages. I don't want any confrontation, but this situation has brought me nothing but that. | Bf is angry that I want to see my family more, says we have to be together and me sleeping over is taking steps backwards in our relationship. |
t3_2k3znv | relationships | [21 F] found out that my boyfriend [21 M] has started selling drugs, not sure how to discuss | He was selling when we met, but decided to stop after I told him I was not interested in being with someone who engaged in that sort of illegal behavior. We've been together for almost a year.
Flash forward to today. He's asleep and I'm messing around with his phone (this is not uncommon for both of us to do with each others' phones) when he gets a text that I reflexively clicked. Next thing I know, I've read that message thread and others with people trying to buy weed and prescription meds from him. Whoops.
I'm hurt not only because this is directly contradictory to a fundamental promise at the basis of our relationship, but because he kept it from me.
I want to discuss it with him but I don't know how because of the fact that I found out as a result of snooping through his phone. | Went through boyfriend's phone, found out he was selling drugs again, not sure how to bring this up because of the way I found out |
t3_16stki | relationships | Not bad enough to leave but enough problems to want to. | I've [26M] been with someone [27F] for about 3 years. We had a very rocky start for many reasons but long story short I've done things to her that make her not want to trust me. Move forward two years after many changes to gain her trust back, those things still creep up and not only cause arguments, but sometimes she gets physical and talks about how i ruined her life, made her hate herself and made her a person she doesn't want to be. If we talk about splitting it gets hard for both of us because we really do love and care for each other and want it to work but we've tried for so long and the same arguments happen. I try to stay positive and tell myself its going to work but I'm having doubts. How do i know i won't be making the biggest mistake of my life by leaving someone I can easily see marrying? When these things don't creep up we are very happy and we always love each other. I feel like if these arguments weren't so similar that it could be fixable. Can anyone offer any insight? Thank you. | I don't know if I should keep trying to make my 3 year relationship work due to many problems caused primarily by trust issues. Please help I don't know anyone who could give me advice. |
t3_rx63a | AskReddit | My brother stole my mothers identity. I put a fraud alert on the account. Now we get a text from my nephew that says "mom is taking me to California." I don't know what to do. The phone goes straight to voice mail. | About 10 years ago my brother and his wife got into some serious money trouble. Like lose the house trouble. Like he got arrested for embezzlement trouble. My mother helped them out to save the house by taking a loan out on her house, which they are repaying on. He cashed in his 401k to repay his employer and is on probation now.
But in the process the somehow got her information and opened up a bunch of accounts. My mother said if they took her off the accounts and assumed the debt she would not press charges. He would have gone to jail if she had done so. It appeared that they did so. That was just after his arrest.
They called my mom and said that there was a delivery for them coming from fedex, that they couldn't change the delivery address as hers was the one on file. (They had lived with mom for about a year after the charges and my brother lost his job.) She didn't think anything of it, but it raised a bunch of red flags for me.
I checked out the billing information and it was billed to a "bill me later" account in my moms name. There's about 5 large owing on that account. Minimum payments are being made. The fedex package was the new ipad...4g 64gig...in white.
I called my brother and told him that we put a fraud alert on the account. Apparently his wife left him and took his son this afternoon, saying they were heading to california. Now he wont answer his phone. I'm worried, guilty and scared. They seem like upright citizens from the outside but they never expressed a moment of guilt or shame from what they had done the first time, it was all to "help mom with her credit," and bull like that.
Sorry for the wall of text. | I discovered my brother and his wife stole my moms identity. Now my nephew is missing. This all happened this afternoon. |
t3_1iwi9m | relationships | The guy I like [21m] and I [20f] are the epitome of "opposites attract." But I'm wondering if opposites can continue past the attraction. | I am a relatively introverted, nerdy girl. This guy that I met about two months ago is a "bro" type, almost comes across as a douche. In fact, that's how I judged him when I first met him.
But then I got to know him over a few long days just chilling together, and turns out he's actually quite the opposite of a douche. Still, we are very opposite in many ways. But we get along very well, have a lot of chemistry, etc.
There is an obvious attraction between us. I am highly, highly awkward and anxious relationship-wise so there has been minimal physical affection (some cuddling and hand holding), but we have told each other that we are attracted to each other.
I am unsure if he's actually interested in a relationship. He's very difficult to read and very used to "hooking up" at parties, whereas I don't even really go to parties and have never had sex outside of a monogamous relationship. | I am attracted to a guy who is very different from me. I am wondering if it stops at attraction or if a relationship can a relationship develop out of it. |
t3_uzicn | relationships | She Keeps Flirting But Rejects All My Advances? | I [27m] met this girl[28] last year sometime, and we've always been super flirty with each other. We've made out on a handful of occasions early on, but nowadays not so much. We've slept in the same bed, but never actually hooked up.
We went out with some friends the other night, and she was super flirty the entire time. While dancing she'd put her face like an inch away from mine but only to pull away at the last second. If I go to actually kiss her I usually get cheeked.
She told me she's been upset because of this guy that's not into her she's into (I met the guy maybe once or twice) which leads me to believe the flirting is straight up validation? Maybe I'm not being forward enough... or am I so far into the friend zone it doesn't even matter at this point?
Also, I am seeing other girls... that night while we were out with friends, I met a girl who was actually interested in me, and we made out a little bit. Problem is I still seem to fall for this other one the most. Lost cause, I know... but I'm just not positive about the motives. | Met girl year ago, started with us making out, sort of fizzled with her rejecting my advances. She still flirts hard but rejects my advances. Why? |
t3_3r9gqk | relationships | Me [18 M] one night stand with [18 F] not sure if she likes me or not. | Dick move, but my closest friend was talking to a girl and i assumed it was going nowhere, so i decided to try and make a move whilst she was drunk at a party. She has a tendency to do this and has kissed and had sex with two other people since we did a few weeks back.
She still sees my friend a lot, and talks about me with him, angrily i said some things i shouldn't to my friend over text and she found out, she knows that i think she's easy to get etc and she is annoyed by this, but she still sees me and texts me?
some background, we never hang out 1 to 1 really, we're always with others, but she does show signs that she likes me, she touches me, not sexually but will lean on me etc | does a girl like me, after she found out i said she was easy to get and she screwed around with someone else? |
t3_kadg4 | AskReddit | My browser history includes websites I never visited at times I was not on my computer...I live alone... | Is it possible for someone to hack my computer/phone and control my browsers? Also, I do not do drugs or drink heavily so it's unlikely I forgot about visiting them. Any advice on what I can do to keep this from happening again?
Basically I got on, checked my email, forgot to private browse and went to erase history. Saw history for a day I was gone from computer, went to check it out and saw some sick...I repeat, sick shit. Anyway, then I noticed even on days I was using the computer my browser history included some of the same tyype of material.
Checked my phone....you bet ya....sick shit. | Computer/phone browser histories include never-before-seen websites; how did this happen, how can I stop it? Thanks! |
t3_35bayx | relationships | MY [33 F] GF wants my [36 M] Facebook password, I refuse. Am I in the wrong? | I'll keep this as short as possible. My gf has now asked for my facebook password twice. I have refused to give it to her. She is INCREDIBLY jealous and paranoid for no reason. I have gone as far as just deleting just about every female from my facebook, regardless of who they are to me (all friends, by the way) just to avoid issues. I have nothing to hide, but this is an incredible violation of my privacy and in my opinion, she doesn't have the right to just access something so personal. Furthermore, I use the same password for just about everything and I don't want ANYONE having that knowledge.
Last night out of nowhere she texts me "Hey, can I have your facebook info. I just want to check something =)". At first I was angry, then I ended up giving it to her just to make a point....and then I got angry again and changed it....which in turn made her more angry.
I would never ask this of her, but she finds it completely normal. I can't take it. My friends know I am loyal basically to a fault, so when I tell them this kind of thing, they obviously take my side. I need an unbiased opinion. Am I being a jerk by not sharing such personal, private information? What good could possibly come from doing so?? | GF wants my facebook password, I refuse to give it to her although I have nothing to hide because of the principle. |
t3_23ubel | legaladvice | I need some advice on how to approach a hacking incident. | Hi LegalAdvice,
I am from Seattle, WA, USA
Earlier tonight, when I was on my computer, I looked at my email to see a message indicating that the cell phone number associated with my Authy (cell phone app that generates passcodes on cell phones) account had been changed. When I clicked to see the content of the message, I was prompted by my email that I could not because it had been deleted. When I went to my deleted folder, I saw that it had been cleared out.
I then received a sequence of text messages from my Coinbase (bitcoin bank) account with verification numbers (indicating that someone was trying to log in). It is important to note that Coinbase uses Authy as it's verification number generator for logging in. Extra verification features are important for bitcoin storage because if someone logs into your account, they can actually steal all of your bitcoins and you won't be able to get them back.
I quickly contacted Coinbase, who locked my account and then changed all of my passwords. After doing this, I went to my junk folder and restored the removed messages to my deleted folder (a function I'm sure the hacker didn't know about). There were four messages about changing the phone number associated with my account to XXX-XXX-XXXX (not sure if I can post real phone numbers here). I called the phone number and was informed that the number as associated with a pinger.com account.
I contacted pinger.com and requested the personal information of the person using that number, but their [privacy policy] indicates that they won't turn over the information without a warrant (which is probably why the hacker used that number).
Do I have a case here? What do I do about this? | Email hacked to steal bitcoins. Got hacker's [pinger.com] number. How do I use this to identify the hacker? |
t3_3bdv78 | relationships | I [20F] am about to move into an apartment with a couple of friends 2x[20F] and we're starting to have problems. What can I do to make this easier for everyone? | Our apartment lease is starting soon and for a few months I've been getting furniture, sublettors, etc. Lisa has been pretty helpful getting stuff setup but Ria refuses to do any work. I told Ria to set up our utilities and she told me three days before our lease started that she couldn't do it because she's going to be going on a vacation this weekend. I gave her a month to do this…
I'm worried that this will just repeat throughout the year. I plan on making a roommate contract so that we can establish our responsibilities in the apartment but is there anything else I can do to make this easier for everyone? If this continues, I honestly believe I'll snap and things will not be lovely for anyone… | We're moving into an apartment and my roommate has done basically nothing to prepare for the move in. I'm worried that she won't take on apartment responsibilities. |
t3_ycfmq | AskReddit | My boyfriend does not care that.. | ...Later this summer I will be marrying another man. My boyfriend and I have been dating for little over 6 months, and at the beginning of our relationship i told him that I was thinking about getting married to my best friend this summer to get more financial aid money since my parents are rich and this would take them off of my school funding. However it was only an idea then. Now I brought it up for real, and he just shrugs it off like it is nothing. I think this should at least bother him a little bit.
I am his first girlfriend, so maybe he just thinks this is not a big thing and is so trusting, but my woman-mind seems to focus on him not caring enough to be a little jealous of my best friend. Why else would he not have any issues with me being legally bonded to another man?
Am I wrong to think this way, or should he be more upset than he is? | I am getting married to my best friend, and my boyfriend does not care. Is he trusting, or just not that into our relationship? |
t3_2nrppy | relationships | Stupid argument with my husband (35M). What is the best resolution? | I am 29F. We have a 1 year old daughter who is a terrible sleeper. (Please do not recommend sleep strategies, we have read all the books and tried everything and none of it works for her.) The only way I can get any sleep at night is to keep her in bed with us. She usually wakes up every 2-3 hours and screams until I nurse her. She also rolls and kicks a lot.
Over the last year+ I have just adapted to this as the new normal but my husband can't stand it, so we have been sleeping separately. (We still spend time together in our bedroom when our daughter is asleep, but when I go to bed for the night I sleep in a spare bed in the nursery. This hasn't affected our intimacy, just our sleep.)
We are out of town for the holiday and last night my husband again refused to sleep in bed with me and the baby, instead of the guest room he slept on the couch. For some reason this time the unfairness of it all made me so angry, I guess because this time I asked him to please sleep in bed with me and he said no because he wouldn't get a good night's sleep. It seems unfair that he gets to have a good night's sleep EVERY NIGHT and I have not had one in over a year.
His argument is that the easiest way to get her back to sleep is to nurse her, and he can't do that, so if I have to have bad sleep anyway, it's mean to force him to have bad sleep too.
Who is right in this situation? Should we continue sleeping separately? Should I demand that he start taking some overnights, even if it means we are all going to have to deal with hours of screaming that could be easily avoided (by nursing back to sleep)? Again, please do not recommend sleep training, we have tried EVERYTHING and nothing has worked. | It's easier for me to put our impossible 1yo back to bed because I can nurse her so I have taken every overnight shift since she was born and my husband refused to sleep in bed with us because he needs his precious sleep. |
t3_24qsx1 | Advice | I Need Help Picking a High School Class | So I'm about to finish 9th grade, but I have been stuck deciding whether I want to take AP European History or Global Honors. I am a fairly good student, and I like history, but I have already chosen some pretty hard classes and I don't know if I wanna go for an AP. If I take the AP, I will be with friends and a great teacher, but I know the class is really challenging and I am a very lazy person. I should also mention I want to pursue a career in the military (through the Air Force or Navy Academy) and I know the class will look better on my transcript when I apply. | Do I go for the hard class with friends and a good teacher so I can look good when I apply to a military academy, or do I go for a class I know I can do well in? |
t3_qb4y3 | dating_advice | I do not know what to do anymore. Stuck between a rock and a bottle. Please help me! | This is my first post, and I'm sorry if this doesn't belong here, but it seemed more suited than r/datingadvice. So I've been seeing this girl for a little over a year now. She's 29 and I'm a 25 year old male. We met at a gay bar. I was there with my best friend trying to help him bounce back from a recent breakup and she was there with two people dressed like Lady Gaga. I fell in love with her immediately, but I'm cautious of approaching women in gay bars. Not for fear of them being tranny's or anything, they often are there because they don't want to get hit on. Anyways, her whole group leaves and I start moping, 15 minutes later I go out for a smoke. Smoking a cigarette and kicking pavement, she comes up behind me and asks for a cigarette. We spent the rest of the night outside the bar talking until 4am. First date was Valentine's day, we went to some hole in the wall and it was really nice. She got a little weird for a bit and ignored me. A few days later she texted me telling me she's sorry but she has a boyfriend. This happened on a few other dates. We both admitted to trying to push each other away and it not working. So here's what I'm asking; We went out last week and had a blast, tonight we are suppose to go to a jazz club but I haven't heard from her since Sunday when we made the plans. I want to tell her to stop this fuckery. I want to tell myself I'm an idiot for still doing this. I don't know. | Met a girl at a gay bar -Went out on Valentine's day -Said she has a boyfriend -Been going on dates for over a year now -Halp. |
t3_40lcj6 | relationships | Me [22F] with my BF [22M] 5 years duration, Might be showing signs of dumping me suddenly, has anger issues, need advice | Ok, so I've been dating this guy, (we'll call him Paul) for 5 years. I totally adore him, he is smart, funny, ridiculously attractive, and I don't think I've met anyone else more perfect for me. He's been really supportive through a lot of terrible shit in my life.
However, his temper is a huge issue, and possibly a deal breaker. He suddenly gets mad about small stupid stuff, and often belittles me personally to win the argument. He is totally incapable of apologizing or saying when he's wrong, and he doesn't even understand why he gets so mad but when he decides to pick a fight he sticks it to the end.
So recently, he took the LSAT, and the past year of studying and stress have been hell, but I've tried to push through because it's a stressful time so I've been really forgiving of his behavior. He got his results back a week ago, and they were definitely subpar, so now he has to take it again. He's been on the warpath since he got the results, and last night we got into this huge argument and i'm not sure there's a recovery tbh.
So it started because I was on the phone, asked him to hold on a second, spoke to someone else, and got back on the phone. This, for some reason, set him off about how i don't respect him, and it turned into a whole argument where he called me all kinds of really horrible insulting names, like a fucking maniac and a crazy deluded cunt, and even insulted my looks.
He knows that i don't have a lot of family support and all our friends are mutual friends who will definitely take his side. He often uses that against me in arguments, and btw, this has happened before (he dumped me the last time he took the LSAT, for about three days and then reached out to me and we got back together.) So far it's been two days since the argument. I don't know what to do. Should I reach out to him? Should i even date him after what he's said? | huge argument where BF called me a ton of hurtful names, haven't spoken for 2 days, not sure what to do/if i should reach out to him first |
t3_2cjhs8 | loseit | Calorie Deficit but Plateauing Hardcore | Hey all,
Back with a question again - a while ago, I asked how to get back on the wagon. Well, I got back on, but the wagon doesn't seem to be going anywhere.
I've been calorie counting for about a month again now, trying to be careful, trying to eat better again. It's been going well on that front, but I'm back at the plateau I was at before I stopped trying for a while.
I'm 5 ft. 7, and currently 260(ish) pounds, down from 315 when I started in October. I'm currently eating around 1570 calories a day. If I ask MFP what I should be doing, it wants me to be at 1440 calories a day. Meanwhile, other calorie counters say I'm supposed to be eating about 2080 calories a day for fat loss, by the two other equations. I've got a job that can be very active some days, and very desk-bound on other days, and may be trying to add some light exercise soon because I'm desperate to break this plateau.
I've been stuck at 260 now for months, which really stinks because my first "big" goal was 255, the cut-off for hitting the "real" weight categories. My wedding is in 9.5 months, and my fiance and I are trying to eat healthier and lose weight together, and it hurts to have been this successful in the past, and now to watch him be successful and just so frustrated as to why what I'm doing isn't working. Help! | Plateau for about 6 months, 1 month of active calorie-counting. Not sure what the problem is, whether I'm eating too much still or too little or what. Getting super frustrated again! |
t3_1kddii | relationships | Me[25F] with my boyfriend [25 M] who I gave money and hasn't given it back even though I am at the point of being unable to buy food. | We've been together two years. Long story short, we're both students and the job market is awful. Can't even get temp work at this point despite good educations. I got an unpaid internship somewhere far from where I normally live, and because they were taking care of my housing and living expenses, I figured it would be a good way to save on rent. Food isn't provided. Before I left, I lent my boyfriend about $250 because he was at the point of not being able to buy more groceries and I was worried about him. Between bills and travel up to this place, my money has dwindled to almost $0. My boyfriend asked a relative for money and the relative provided for him. I didn't ask how much, but now my boyfriend is back to going out to dinner, drinks, etc. in the city so clearly it had to be enough for him to feel secure enough to do this. He will regularly talk about buying takeout, or how he's going to cook himself a big dinner and have friends over.
I literally had to buy a bag of dry black beans and that is all I am eating. A huge pot of black beans. I know it could be worse but I am extremely resentful that he hasn't given the money back or at least some of the money back while I keep talking about how I am literally too poor to buy any food besides this. He will ask me what I'm having for dinner and I say the same "Black beans. That's all I can afford." and he hasn't made any offer to give the money back. I feel awkward asking for it back since at the time it was supposed to be a donation, not a loan. But at this point, it seems really unfair and rude for him to see me unable to feed myself and listen to him talk about ordering takeout again for the third time this week. I'm getting incredibly resentful and upset and I want to try to approach this calmly. | I am poor enough to have almost no money for food; lent boyfriend money, and he's using it in addition to relative's money to live the high life. |
t3_3dc6xl | relationships | I [16f] cannot figure out why I apparently have become so boring in my relationship. | It has come to my attention that my boyfriend [m18], of 1 year and 3months, thinks I have become boring and not much fun to be around. Is it because I can't always go to party's? Or because some days I just want to cuddle or go for a hike? Just cause I don't feel like doing risky things all the time doesn't make me boring, does it? Maybe I'm wrong.
I mean, he might not be completely wrong, ever since I have started birth control I have felt off. My sex drive has gone down (and yes I'm 16 I'm too young to be having sex...I'm a whore... blah blah I don't care my choice), I've gained a bit of weight, and I actually think it has made me more stupid. But those aren't reasons I shouldn't be fun anymore? Am I just growing up or have I actually never been much fun????
S.N: He is no just in it for the sex I will tell you that...he's been through way too much with me and dealt with more than you could imagine for me. He also has made some promises he wouldn't have if he just wanted that.) | Am I too boring in our relationship? Am I lazy? I think its my bc but I could have just always be boring....what can I do???? HELp!!!!!!! |
t3_19wwk1 | relationships | Wife(21) of 3 years says she wants to leave but also talks about staying with me (M/23). Help please? | All of this is very confusing and a constant roller coaster for me. I have known her going on 7 years in total.
All of this stuff started when she told me about an emotional affair with someone I worked with, Who was a really good frined of mine before this. After he was out of the picture(as far as I know) she went after an old ex-boyfriend from high school.
Now when she talks about leaving and divorce she also talks about future plans to buy a new house together and even buy new rings for us. I feel like I'm being toyed with and really don't know what to do. | ! Wife(F/21) of 3 years wants to leave after emotinal affairs and still talks about staying together at the same time. |
t3_m0qfk | AskReddit | Police officers of reddit: Can you please give some insight into the mindset of officers at Occupy events, including Oakland? | **I have a lot of questions, so please bear with me...**
1) I feel like there's a huge divide between the the protesters and the police officers, *yet they're both in the 99%.* I think the police in many cases are doing their job. Yes there are bad guys. But there are bad guys protesting, too!
Both sides are judging each other by their worst representatives. Is there some way to bridge that gap? What can the peaceful people do to let the police officers know, "We're not with them"?
2) In this video of the Oakland officer with his name covered, I'm curious what's in the looks that are being exchanged between the two officers:
I see the subordinate's eyes saying, "My superior told me to do this. What do YOU want me to do?" and the supervisor saying, "Yeah I know, take it off for the cameras." But I could be wrong.
3) I also want to understand what's going through the minds of the guys in the riot gear. Seriously. Is it fear? Anger? Anticipation? Excitement? The desire to take it off and protest, too?
4) What percentage of police at these events really know (or care) that Occupy is a peaceful movement? Are there really that many cops that are willing tools of the corporate state, or who just want to crack heads? | Police officers of reddit, if you could please explain the mindsets of your colleagues at these events, maybe we could bridge the gap in communication. Thanks. |
t3_25tq6j | askwomenadvice | How do I safely sublet an apartment sight unseen? | Hi ladies,
This summer I'm moving from Illinois to Austin. I was having some issues finding an apartment (i'm very picky, plus the nicer apartments need me to have a job in Austin) so I decided it'd be a better idea to snag one of the many summer sublets on Craigslist, and then spend the next few months finding a job and an apartment.
One listing, which is a room with multiple roommates, responded back with an immediate yes. I don't know if he's pressed for time but it seemed very quick. I'm a little worried at this point about how I can guarantee that it's a legitimate posting and not a scam. He has a linkedin and a facebook profile, so it seems pretty legit. I'd like to get this over with and have a place to live in a few months, but does anyone know of some safeguards I can take? Questions I can ask him? | I want to get a summer sublease on craigslist sight unseen, do I need to worry about scammers and if so how? |
t3_1wj5zi | relationships | I [M 19] flirted with another girl via Facebook message/text for a few days. I couldn't bare the feeling of doing this, told my SO of one and a half years [F19]. | My girlfriend and I are a match made in Heaven, high school sweethearts in college together. We've had ups and downs, but nothing too terrible that we haven't overcome. I spend every day with her, spend the night with as much as I can, we talk to each other and laugh and share stories while telling how much we mean to each other. We plan on being married and starting a life after school. I've been so happy with her.
I met a girl the other day outside of my lecture. I knew her from before, we previously went to high school together (GF included). We starting talking, nothing bad, just plain banter of catching up. Well, I decided to message her over Facebook about fiveish days or so.
I don't know what came over me. I flirted. I called her cute, talked about her appearance, yada, yada. Nothing vulgar, nothing forward. She was like, Don't you have a girlfriend? I didn't deny it. But I persisted here and there.
I hate myself for doing this. I can't believe I did this. Tonight, I told her everything. I sat there crying my eyes out, while she cried as well, telling her everything. I was 100% honest. I'm in bed right now, while she lives in the same dorm, a floor above me, doing the same.
I love her tremendously. I cannot move on from her. The thought of losing her hurts my stomach and head. I could never share love or love someone as much I love her.
I told her I would make it better. I messaged the girl and apologized for what I did. I have deleted my social media networks immediately (IG, Twitter, etc. etc.).
I'm at a loss for what to do: How do I make it up to her? How can I get her to gain trust in me again? Do I give her space? I want to talk to her, I want be with her and tell everything I did was terrible and want to make things right. | Flirted w/ another girl via Facebook/text. Couldn't bare guilt, told girlfriend immediately. Waiting to see what happens next. |
t3_12mloa | relationship_advice | We're now FWB's 5 years later. | Hey R_A long time no see!
I [22M] have recently gotten into odd situation with my ex [22F]. We had a year an half relationship back in high school that ended rather bad, a lot of lying and controlling issues on both our parts. We were young and rushed a lot of things but slowly got over it. We haven't "grown up" per se but more matured and understanding of who we are as individuals.
It's been five years since we have been "close" an have agreed on having a FWB type situation. So far so good!
Now hear in lies the problem, we're each others first loves and after hanging with her again you can tell how the chemistry has not subsided. We haven't been very physical, barley any sex, and random kisses here and there. (Which okay 10000000% with me) also a few dates here and there.
My question is that I'm getting mixed signals I'm not sure if this is a relationship type thing or purely FWB. One minute I get "I love you's" the next I get called "buddy" or "best friend" I'm definitely not ready for a relationship but what we have is a FWB that seems more relationship like.
How should i talk to her about this with out making things awkward? What if she doesn't want just FWB. ...hell, I'm not even sure if I just want a strictly FWB thing. I'm just so torn. | fwb with an ex after 5 years ,not sure if its leading to more than a fwb because of mixed signals. How should I talk to her about it? |
t3_3763wt | relationships | How can I convince parents to let me [18M] go camping with girlfriend [19F] and some friends? | This is going to really hard to convince them we aren't trying to have a giant orgy or drink/do drugs lol.
As a way to celebrate our high school graduation, a group of friends (male and female) thought it would be cool to have a camp out in tents in someone's backyard. The problem I know my parents are going to have is the sleeping arrangements. I have not yet had sex with my girlfriend, and definitely would not do that with her, in a tent surrounded by my friends in other tents, in my friends backyard. That would be disgusting. I wouldn't mind sharing a tent with her however, but I know my parents are going to say that it's inappropriate. She just turned 19 and finished her first year of college. My friend's parents are going to be home the whole time, so obviously we aren't going to sit around doing drugs. This is really just innocent fun. We are planning on playing basketball, sitting around a fire, roasting marshmallows. We even have to watch our language because one of the girls is a Mormon and gets really offended easily. I don't see what their argument could be against this. | How can I convince parents to let me going camping in my friend's backyard, supervised by his parents, and possibly share a tent with my girlfriend? |
t3_51nhad | relationships | Me [17 M] and my [17 F] crush , need help! | We're both seniors in high school and have a class together. Over the last few days we have talked a bit in class, and she complimented my shirt twice and we like each other's favorite band (she even said that we are "best friends" because of the band shirt I wore). I followed her on Instagram and she followed back and liked a few of my selfies. She seems to be super friendly to other guys in class too, but when I look at her our eyes meet sometimes like she was looking at me too. And a few days ago her and I were talking and my friend was like "Ohhh, get it" (because he knows I like her) and she started giggling when he said that. I don't even know if she likes me because we don't talk every single day in class.
Does she like me, or is she just being friendly? Would it be weird to DM her on Instagram without asking permission in person first? | She has complimented my shirts multiple times, followed me back on instagram and has liked my selfies, and talks to me in person most everyday. Does she like me or is she just being friendly? |
t3_s8vyg | offmychest | A girl who isn't right for me. | Meh, every time I try to post about this, I never know where to start.
Well, I guess I like this girl (a crush, I suppose). But the entire situation is stupid. There's no reason for me to like this girl. I mean, she's cute, interesting, and awesome, but it's so easy to see that we don't have enough in common to sustain a relationship.
Basically, girl and I have one very specific hobby in common that we're both passionate about. Other than that, we've got nothing. On top of that, she's continuing to graduate school (and very likely transferring ~2000 miles to a different school) while I'm accepting a full-time job 4 hours away (in the opposite direction). Finally, I don't even know if she's interested in me at all, and nothing really seems to indicate that she is. But... well, I guess I'm just very fond of her, and I don't really know why.
And it just kind of sucks. I feel like I have an unhealthy attachment to a girl I barely even know. It's irrational and stupid.
A noteworthy detail, I suppose, is that she is going to graduate school specifically for the hobby / profession in question, and while I pondered doing the same, I ultimately decided that I would rather accept a full-time job and continue the hobby in my free time.
Meh, fuck it; she won't read this. The hobby is game development. She's a 3D artist, and I'm a programmer, and we share weirdly uncommon taste and aspirations in this regard. I guess it's just hard to let go of such an incredibly rare quality in a girl even in the face of obvious incompatibilities, and I'm terrified that I'll never meet another girl like this.
Anyway...I would appreciate any insight or comments you have on the situation. | Unhealthy attachment to girl with whom I share a few very rare interests and nothing else. Relationship would never work for both personal and circumstantial reasons. Feeling bad about it. |
t3_3ckasa | loseit | Totally Unexpected Source of Motivation (and it's awesome for lots of other reasons too) | So a few years back, I lost 50 pounds, then gained it back over time (for lots of reasons I won't get too deep into). But a couple months ago, I was still pretty horrified to hit my highest weight *again*.
I've had a hell of a time finding any motivation for myself since then. When I'd succeeded in losing weight before, I had *tons* of internal motivation, and it had suddenly disappeared (which is when I stopped losing and started going back up).
But I was surprised by what ended up motivating me this time: donating blood.
[Bonfils Blood Center] comes to my office every couple months (the length of time people have to wait between donations), and it's something I'd always wanted to do. At first, I saw it as "the least I could do." Like, I'm not using that blood for anything, so someone else might as well have it.
But then I started thinking of it differently. I started thinking, "Holy crap, my body actually has value." Even when I was losing weight before, that was something I never quite believed; I saw my body as being in my way and wanted it to be less-so, but not as something actually beneficial.
At first, I didn't even do anything intentionally about it. But I started getting pissed with myself for things I'd been complacent about, and slowly started forcing myself to stop being *quite* so lazy and careless. Today, I'm at the lowest weight I've been in over a year!
I'm excited to be healthier at my next donation. Even if I can't think of a personal reason to lose weight, I want to be able to give my best to the people who really do need it. | I lost my motivation, then found it again when I started donating blood. Realizing that my body is valuable and important for others in need makes me want to take care of it in a way that I don't for myself. |
t3_1ku6rk | AskReddit | Have you ever had a serious injury and no one ever took it quite as seriously as they should? | In my Junior year of HS I came down with a rather critical case of sciatica. At first any doctor I visited referred to my condition as a pulled leg muscle. Another 4 months down the road it got to the point where I couldn't walk. Finally, I was scheduled for an MRI and was diagnosed with a slightly bulging disk by the ER doctor and was told to take ibuprofen. At this point I was going to school 5 days a week, and my classmates would make fun of me for walking with a severe limp and hunch in my back.
About a month after my initial "diagnosis," I went with my dad to his chiropractor. The doctor noticed how shitty my gait was, and requested to run some range of motion tests and look at my MRI from the previous month. This random doctor who I didn't even pay for consultation showed me my MRI image, and pointed out the clearly obvious herniated disk between L4/L5. From that point I visited physical therapy, and began a lengthy recovery for 4 months before I could walk normally again. Even during this time my friends, teachers, and boss refused to accept I had a serious medical limitation. | I had sciatica, (nerve compression causing serious leg pain in the hamstring, quad, calf, and foot.) and people at school and work refused to show me any mercy. |
t3_2n74kk | relationships | What activities can I [19 M] the boyfriend, do with my girlfriend [19 F] of 4 Years, big or small that I, a simple minded man, probably have not thought of? | I work full time, Monday to Friday, so does she. We currently don't live together, but hopefully will be next year. I have my own place which I am in charge of, because of this, I don't tend to get much money to throw around.
Currently, our main pass time is watching TV, movies and generally hanging around together; we have the ability to go out, but probably not often.
I enjoy video games, she likes them, but shes not very good at them - shes tried using a controller - but needs practice. I don't mind cooking, we have done baking before. We both do not drive but could arrange transport within reason. We have a cinema, small bowling ally and a few restaurants here and there.
The activities can be just simple gestures like breakfast in bed or they could be dates, or things to do around the house.
Any advice/ideas would be appreciated! | What activities can I, the boyfriend, do with my girlfriend big or small that I, a simple minded man, probably haven't thought of? |
t3_1lmr4q | AskReddit | Stuck in Los Angeles with a big decision tomorrow | I recently dated a coworker, it didn't work out. I respected her, even though she would say bad things about me and even curse at me in the hallway. She recently told my boss that she would sue the company for harassment because she thinks I've been bad mouthing her, yet she left me, broke my heart, and I never said a bad word against her to anybody. Now I feel as if I have to go to work tomorrow and ask if I'm helping or hurting the company. And that's where my fate lies for now. I know and knew it was wrong to date a coworker, but shit happens and I'm in it now. This is actually the | version of the story. Does a woman really have an upper hand when it comes to harassment cases when there is no evidence to support her argument? |
t3_zaxa3 | BreakUps | should i tell my ex's new partner about her cheating? | Me 27m. Long story short, she (25f) moved back to her home country for what was supposed to be 3 months. She broke up with me because I couldn't come visit as often b/c her stay ended up being longer and longer and longer. One of her friends just sent me an email telling me she's been seeing this guy since her first day back. She even blew me off when I came to visit to see him. I had no clue there was another guy until now. I've been pretty messed up thinking that everything was my fault until now. I guess she dumped it on me and made me feel like shit. Her parents lectured me because I couldn't afford to come see her as often as they wanted, lecturing me on how I was raised. We were together for 2.5 years Question I have is, should I tell this guy about her habits? Tell her parents? Thanks! | girlfriend moved back to homecountry for short period, cheated on me, broke up and blamed everything on me. Should I tell the guy and her parents? |
t3_46rl5h | relationships | Me [16 M] with my GF [15 M] need to solve a love triangle with a suicidal guy, don't want anyone to get hurt. | A year ago my girlfriend was proposed to by a guy and they broke up due to other reasons but he is still very attached to her and we don't know what to do to change this. My girlfriend says that he wont get over her and how she was his first love and all that, but she doesn't want to hurt him.
He walks her to classes and just constantly follows her but she cant say anything to him because hes "too fragile". When they broke up he tried to kill himself, and its been 6 months and i just don't know what to do.
She makes me happy and before we met she was depressed, but this triangle is causing a lot of conflict that isn't needed
So please, is there any way we can solve this so no one gets hurt. An outside prospective would be much appreciated, thank you. | how do i get rid of a guy who wont get over this girl and is threatening with his life, without hurting him. |
t3_1asi6f | personalfinance | Is moving right now a terrible idea? (UK) | My partner (29M) and I (26F) have been living in the same rented house for over two years now. We've been good tenants, only had one incident with a storage heater (our mistake) which we're paying off each month to the letting agent.
Yesterday, a friend of my mother's asked if we were interested in looking at their property. They are moving out and want to rent their home instead of selling it. It's in a lovely area, it's only £80 more a month but has a lot more going for it than our current home (more modern, extra bedroom, garage access, more space), and the landlord would be happy for us to pay our deposit in installments since if we move out, we'd have to pay off the money we owe for the new heater out of our deposit.
The problem is - I spoke to our letting agent today and they said they would probably charge £188 as an early release fee, and of course since our tenancy doesn't technically end until October, if they don't find a new tenant before then we would be liable to keep paying the rent.
On the one hand, I think there's a good chance they'd find a new tenant quickly - it's a nice little home and it's not very expensive, which is what we were attracted to. And, although we're not very well off, I do have enough room on my credit card to pay their early release fee, so although that would set back my attempts to pay my card off by a couple of months, in the long-term it wouldn't be crippling.
Is this a terrible idea? Should we just accept that it's risky to try and move now, or go for it on the basis that a house this nice, for such an affordable amount, isn't that common where we live and there's no guarantee we'd find something as nice by the actual end of our tenancy?
I don't want to make the wrong decision - when I spoke to the letting agent she said herself she didn't think it'd take long to find a new tenant in the current climate. Any advice? | Opportunity for nicer rented home as come up, want to break tenancy early but involves risk of being liable for rent if new tenant isn't found. Is it worth going for anyway? |
t3_29h0s3 | relationship_advice | [23 m] Dating [24 f] met online, dating since Easter, had sex, now things are weird. | So we started dating around Easter of this year and had been going on weekly, sometimes twice weekly dates since then. We started off texting infrequently but as the relationship got more serious we started texting more and hanging out more. I met her friends, they liked me, we started getting closer, talking more, things were good.
Then one night she came back to my place after a night of drinking, things got steamy and we had sex--- although she initially said she didn't want to (too early), but then it just ended up happening anyways. So after that everything seemed fine, I felt great about it and assumed she did judging by the way she talked/body language and stuff. However I tried to make plans with her the following week and she said she was too busy, didn't call back after a missed call, and only responded to a text message. I decided she was probably feeling weird about us going too fast... I guess... so I backed off and decided I'd let her text me when she was ready... although that hasn't happened and I'm starting to freak out a little.
I like her a lot and don't want the wheels to fall off this thing. We're scheduled to meet Wednesday but I feel like we lost a ton of momentum and I would like to know what I can do to get it moving forward again. Should I invite her to meet my family? Should I be honest with her and ask her whats up? Should I just calm down and let it play out?
I am pretty neurotic and haven't seriously dated anyone in a long time so I might be over thinking this. | Dating girl since easter, things were getting somewhat serious, had sex, now we aren't talking that much... please help |
t3_1gd472 | relationships | I (23m) am currently dating a girl (22f) that is about to leave for the summer. We both really enjoy each other's company but she has said she will hold too much guilt if I wait out the summer for her. What do I do? | We have been dating for approximately two months and have developed an honest, open relationship that is based on trust and understanding. She will be leaving at the end of next week for the rest of the summer with possibilities of seeing me only coming once a week at the most.
I have expressed to her that I would wait the summer to be with her when she came back but she has told me that she would feel far oo guilty if I waited that length of time to be with her.
I am sure that she isn't just saying this to get out of the relationship. I know she truly wants me to be happy and get the most of my summer but I do want to wait for her and show her that I don't need anyone else and that I can be happy with myself and my friends throughout the summer while I wait for her return.
My biggest problem and source of stress here is that I do not want to place any additional strain on her throughout the summer as her job requires 100% of her mental and emotional capacity. All of this being said, I would love to hear your opinions. Thanks! | Girlfriend of two months is leaving for the summer. She doesn't want me to wait and ruin my summer but I am 100% ready to do so. |
t3_2q1a5t | relationships | Me [25F] about my ex [25M] together for 5 years - Broken up a year, my trouble moving on | I don't speak to my ex, don't check his profiles, don't think about what he's doing, and don't have anything to do with him at all. I just live my own life, focused on me. But I still miss him every day. I don't *let* myself think about him... Missing him just "happens". When it does happen I try not to dwell and move on from it fairly smoothly sometimes, and other times my heart aches for a while after. The few days in between where I do stop remembering him constantly is when I begin having dreams about him and the missing him comes back full-force.
I'm not sad or depressed. I live a very full life and I'm happy or at least content on a consistent basis. I have hobbies, friends, and plenty of things to occupy my mind. I'm also seeing somebody else that I care about.
I know that my ex and I will never get back together. I wouldn't want to get back together because the same problems that caused the break-up would still be there (people don't change over night, or within a year)... But when I can't love anybody else as deeply, and when I miss him every day no matter what I do... I just feel like I lost my "soulmate".
Sometimes my heart hurts so much that it feels like it's being ripped to shreds all over again. I thought these feelings would be gone by now. I thought I was doing everything right. | I moved on with my life, but I still miss my ex every day. Does anybody have a light at the end of the tunnel or will this feeling never fade? |
t3_3x073m | relationships | My (31/M) girlfriend (27/F) gave me a fancy watch for Christmas. Now she's upset with me because I told her it was ridiculous for her to spend so much and not to do things like that. | I've been dating my girlfriend, Jenna, for a little over a year and a half. We're long distance at the moment so we celebrated Christmas over the weekend with me flying out to spend some vacation with her. I didn't have too much that I really wanted to do, but Jenna made plans for us to go to a hot tub garden for us to relax and bought me a nice dinner at steakhouse in the city. She knew that I have always want to go see a hockey game at the big arena in her city, and she bought us tickets that were eight rows away from center ice.
And...to top it all off...she gave me a very fancy Shinola watch. I didn't have much of a reaction to the watch and when she asked me if I liked it, I told her it was nice but I didn't really need a watch. I mentioned it was a nice thing for her to do. She asked me if it was sure and if I didn't like it then she could take it back and let me pick out a new one, and I told her that I didn't like her spending so much money on something like a watch, and that I never asked her to buy me something so expensive. She got very upset and defensive and told that it was her money and she could do whatever she wanted with it. Things are now a little more than uncomfortable between us.
I have until next Monday with her, reddit. Did I really screw up that badly? I love her, but I really don't need all of this. | GF tried to spoil me with an expensive watch and I told her to stop spending so much and that I never wanted such pricey things. She's now upset. |
t3_4j5d9w | relationships | I [21M] am in recovery and jumped into a relationship with a girl in recovery[21F]. I want to end things, but I'm worried about her sobriety | Hello,
So about a month ago, I got into a relationship with a girl in recovery. I went to treatment for drugs and alcohol, and have been clean for a little over seven months. My buddies girlfriend set us up, and we hit it off. Things went well for a couple weeks, but I now realize that it was fun but the connection is not real for me.
I don't want to lead her on, because she deserves to be happy with someone, but at the same time I feel like an asshole for leading her on until now, and I am worried about what she will do if we breakup. She is a herein addict, and I am scared she will relapse and put herself in danger. I am not sure what I should do or say and could really use some advice.
Thanks in advance! | I got into a relationship and have come to realize I don't have feelings. Worried about her health if we break up |
t3_251ueo | relationships | Me [24 F] with my s/o [31f] duration, 3 years - I was told today she had added her ex on Facebook a few months ago and hid it from me. We have had issues involving her previously. Help. | I need some advice on how to bring it up. She previously had her blocked then unblocked her and acted like she had not unblocked her.
I got the call 30 minutes ago from someone who knows all three of us. I do not want to specify what the previous issues were but they were bad enough for this to be a problem for me.
Her (partners) friends list is private and was privatised 3 months ago. I'm inclined to believe this is the reason. She has also recently changed her laptop password (I saw her do it) and yesterday I saw her looking at a picture of her ex when I was walking into our lounge from the kitchen.
She is also spending a lot of time on Facebook chat during work hours which is unusual for her.
I would not be okay with her being in contact with her ex and this would be the end of us should I find out it is true.
When I have brought issues up in the past she has become defensive and it will/has cause an argument. I need a way to bring this up to her without her feeling accused or cornered.
Is it wrong for me to request to see her Facebook friends list? I would feel extremely awkward doing so but I also feel very low about this entire situation. | GF may be in contact with EX although we have agreed no contact due to past issues. I need help on how to bring it up. |
t3_445vwp | weddingplanning | Opinions please, feeling bad for not wanting future SIL as a bridesmaid | Hi weddit! I only have asked 4 girls to be in my wedding, my sister and 3 very close friends. FH wants 6 groomsmen. I'm 100% a-okay that it's uneven. Apparently I (after a couple bottles of wine) agreed to up mine to 6. He mentioned it this week and I didn't know what he was talking about, it turned into a big thing. At first, I thought it was because he wanted even #s. Nope. He wants me to either have 6 so it looks like we maxed out our bridal party or I have to include his sister. I feel bad that I don't want her standing up with me, but he's hell bent on it because she's important to him. I get that. But I am not close with her. I have many friends, but I keep them at an arm's distance. The 3 friends I have asked definitely fall into the super close - more like sisters, that I know no matter what we'd never have a falling out. I hate this feeling that I have to include someone I don't hold in that same close sentiment. My guard is definitely not down when I'm around his sister or any of his family, I just don't have that level of safety/comfort to get close to them. So when I think of getting ready and spending the day with my bridesmaids I don't want to have my guard up and feel awkward.
Any ideas to get in a better place with this? Has anyone else been in a similar situation? | FH wants his sister to be a bridesmaid, I think only my "circle of trust" should be included. |
t3_3r3kmc | relationships | Me [23M] and my ex [24 F] dated for 1.5 years. We have had no contact for over a year. Something has been itching me recently to break the silence. Should I? | We have had literally no contact for over a year now. I am far past indulging the memories of the time we shared together. I have been whole for a long time now, and have been very comfortable with the decision I made. From time to time though, I look back at what we had--fondly, but with nothing more than real reverence. It is not my intention to rekindle a relationship but rather, just touch base with someone who was significant in my life's journey. And to communicate with someone that understands me and can interact with me in a way others don't know how too.
I just really have no idea how these sorts of things work. Do people only contact their ex if they want to get back together? Because that isn't what I am looking to do here. I just kind of want to know what their life is like. I kind of care that they have been good to themselves.
I really respect the woman, and she did some great things for me. Something feels so inconsequential about living my life as if that person doesn't exist despite the fact our relationship ended. I am just not sure if there will be any real good to come from it. I am not sure if it is a waste of energy or if I would be glad to reopen that line of communication.
Thoughts or experiences from anybody would be really helpful.
Also, we live over 2 hours apart. in the event the consensus is that it would be healthy to reach out, should I suggest we meet or just talk over skype? | Does there come a time where it is appropriate to break the no contact rule? for those who have followed NC for greater than a year, and then opened communication, can you tell me about your experiences. Should I consider this? |
t3_34kupc | relationship_advice | Why doesn't my [22/M] boyfriend want me [24/F] staying at his place? | We have been dating for 3 years, and the past year of our relationship has been long distance because of my job. My work contract is about to end, and I plan to move to be closer to him. I have been applying for jobs in his city for the past few months, but no luck yet. We decided that once my contract is up, there's no reason to stay here, so I will move to his city and continue searching for a job.
I want to stay with him until I find a job, and get my own place once I have an income. I do have money saved up, and would expect to split living costs evenly with him while I stay at his place.
He says he will let me stay with him for up to two weeks. He wants me to find my own place, and has even offered to cosign on a lease if I need it (because no one wants to rent to someone who's unemployed). He's also offered to pay my rent if I run out of savings before I find a job. He lives in a city with a high cost of living, so I'm not super excited about renting while unemployed.
I am grateful for how much he is willing to help me, but I do think it's odd that he doesn't want me to stay with him. I talked to him about it and he said it's because he's not ready to move in with me yet and he doesn't want to live with me just because it's convenient. I want to respect his feelings and accept his decision, but I'm kind of annoyed. I wouldn't consider staying with him until I find a job "moving in together." It would be a temporary situation. I think he's making a bigger deal out of this than it really is, and he thinks I'm making a smaller deal out of this than it really is.
Can you help me understand his perspective? | I am going to move to a new city to be with him. I want to stay with him until I find a job, but he wants me to get my own place right away. Why? |
t3_19nzp5 | relationships | I [30 M] can't trust her [28 F] even thought she's done nothing wrong in the 4 months we've been dating. | A bit of backstory: I've been in only 4 real long term relationships in my past. I've dated, had a couple flings, some casual relationships, but only 4 real in depth relationships. However, in all 4, I've been cheated on. Some worse than others, but the consistant thing remains that I've been cheated on.
Now, I am in a relationship with a great woman who is kind to me, seems honest, and actually cares about me. But no matter how hard I try, I can't get over the fact that I just assume she will cheat on me. It creeps up on me. At first it's a soft voice telling me that she's going to hurt me, and it gets louder and the only way I can silence it is to do horrible things like check her phone texts and Facebook messages.
When I do these things, even the most basic of conversations suddenly turn sexual in my head. And anything with a sexual overtone just feels like a betrayal all over again (i.e. the worst thing I've seen is her telling her ex that she had sexual dreams about him). I then just upset and moody and just hurt even though I have no real reason to.
I know that looking in her phone and Facebook is a horrible and fucked up thing to do, and I already feel like shit about it, so no lectures please on all of that. I guess the advice I'm looking for is to those that have been cheated on, more than once especially, how do/did you get over it and learn to trust someone again? How do/did you move on when you've been hurt time and time again by your significant other who always swears they won't cheat? | Girlfriend hasn't done anything really wrong, but I still can't trust her because I've been continuously cheated on. How do I get the fuck over it? |
t3_34afm5 | relationships | Me [29 F] with my BF [27 M] 4 years, unhappy where we live and want to move to my home country, but not sure if I want to leave him | My BF and I have known each other for 5 years, been together 4 and lived together for 2.5 years now. We live in the UK where he is from, I came to study for university and ended up staying after we graduated to be with him. However, after being made redundant from my job earlier this year and struggling to find new work, I am feeling increasingly lonely and homesick for my home country in Scandinavia.
We love each other and have a great relationship, but he obviously has a lot more resources here like family and friends, he has a good job and is very ambitious, and I'm pretty sure that if he were offered a great job somewhere else he would take it and go. He is a designer and his work is super important to him, and I would never want to stand in the way of his success. The problem is that I know he will be sad and upset if I leave, so I don't even know how to tell him that I'm thinking about this. I think in fact that if it weren't for him I'd already have moved back, but because we have such a great relationship I feel really conflicted. I don't want to hurt his feelings and I'd definitely want to try having a long distance relationship, but I don't know if I can keep being miserable just for his sake when I feel like there is nothing else for me here.
Any advice on how I can start a conversation with him on this without seeming like I'm leaving him forever would be really appreciated! | Want to move back to my home country but unsure if I want to leave my BF, and if we can handle a ldr |
t3_rjt1j | AskReddit | Am I having a mid-life crisis, or do I just hate my job? | Sorry if this turns out to be a wall of text, but here goes;
I'm 39 years old (nearly 40) and for the last 7-8 years I've worked in the IT industry in varying aspects of support. Prior to that, I served in the military where I worked medical for 5 years (stayed working medical for another 2 after I got out). I never got a nursing degree while I was in, and at most was only National Registry EMT Certified (which expired about a decade ago). I switched to IT because I really wanted to work with computers. I never hated working in a hospital/clinic, I just thought I'd be a lot happier working with computers.
Over the last year, I've become progressively more and more annoyed and unhappy doing what I do. My productivity is down and I find myself completely unmotivated to do anything but plug into video games when I get home. I've searched for other jobs within the field however, as we all know, the job market sucks. Also, I realize as I look at these other positions that I doubt I will be any happier anywhere else because I'd be doing what I am now.
During my job searching, I realize that I was never this miserable when I worked in the medical field. In addition, the intrinsic reward for working medical was much greater than what I do now, where I feel like I bust my ass to help people and get shit in return from mostly ungrateful clients.
I've been thinking of enrolling into a local L.P.N. program, which is a year long. Once I get my L.P.N. I should be able to get a job and while I work I can hopefully complete my R.N. degree. My question is this, AskReddit, do you think this is wise given the current job market and the fact that I'm nearly 40 and thinking of changing my career BACK to what I did before. I would especially love to hear some feedback from people who currently work in Healthcare/Nursing. | I used to work as a medic, now I'm an IT dude. This sucks, how viable is it to return to medical? |
t3_29aho3 | relationships | Unsure if the (27 M) guy I was dating sexually assaulted me (26 F). | So I dated this guy for about three weeks, then he asked me to come along on a trip to California with him. Up until this trip, we'd gotten along great, and he seemed like a sweet, genuine guy (my friends now claim they thought he felt "fake", but didn't tell me that at the time).
The only little blip in this three week period was that when we were hooking up one time (I was giving him a blow job), he shoved my head down and held it there while he came, which made me choke and freak out. I told him never to do that again, that it freaked me out, I hated it, etc etc. and he said he would never do it again.
So fast forward about a week, and I go on this trip with him. The first day we're in Cali, we start hooking up. He ends up doing the exact same thing to me again (forcefully holding my head down and coming, making me choke). Once again, I freaked out, was practically crying, said what he'd done was rape-y, was just super angry.
We had a pretty awful trip after that (including the time he got mad at me and on top of other things, made me apologize for calling what he'd done "rape-y"), and on the plane ride home I told him I didn't want to see him again.
My question is, would you consider what he did sexual assault? I have absolutely zero intentions of trying to press charges or anything, I'm just curious what other people think. This happened almost two weeks ago and it hasn't left my mind. | Guy I was dating shoved himself down my throat after I'd made him promise not to. Don't know if it was sexual assault or he's just an asshole. |
t3_2fofcc | relationships | My[21 M] SO [23 F] of 1.5yrs is acting like she's been keeping things from me | My girlfriend and I have been together for a year and a half and everything has been sweet (however not without the normal argument here and there), and she was soon meant to be travelling to another country for work for a few months.
She had been planning to go and live with a friend of her friend X for this time, and had been telling me that she had been making lots of plans to see X when she was away and she was glad he would be nearby etc.
She has mentioned X a fair bit when we have been together but I have thought nothing of it due to him just being a friend, indeed when we had been together for about 2 months he came and stayed at her flat (in her room) for a week (but X and I were kept apart).
She told me just over a week ago that she had been with this guy for a few months a year before I met her, but they had stopped seeing each other like that. She told me really reluctantly, and after I could see that she was keeping something in a related conversation and I had to ask several times for her to tell me.
She's now not going to that other country for a variety of reasons, but I believe I'm one of them. Whenever I bring up my concerns she says she understands, but tries to bring up her worries that I have feelings for other people when I'm at work or on a placement somewhere (I've introduced her to everyone I know and when I'm away I'm glued to my phone to her, and regularly have her to visit). I don't think these things are really comparable... Me being away on work versus her having an ex stay in her bedroom...
She's a really great girl, extremely supportive and I had had no reason to think that we weren't completely in love etc. It's just a bit weird.
Would I be an idiot to believe that nothing happened when her ex came to stay in her bedroom for a week, and similarly that she was going to go and stay with her ex and hadn't told me that they used to be together? | Girlfriend's friend turned out to be her ex, he's stayed in her room and she was planning to go stay with him until i found out they'd been together. Is trusting her word stupid? |
t3_k8ef6 | AskReddit | Intelligent people of Reddit, I ask you how badly would my coworker's leg be hurt if he let a Montreal metro hit it? | Assuming he is standing no less than 30 feet from the beginning of the platform. He would stick one leg out, just enough so impact would be just below the knee.
Quoting the Wiki [page] the train can reach a maximum speed of 70-72kmph (43.5-44.7mph) can someone help me figure out what the force of impact will be?
Nine cars make up the train, and depending on how many motor cars there are (possibly 3?) there could be anywhere between 187 metric tons to 201 metric tons of mass plus whatever the passengers add up to.
Once we figure out the force of impact how would we go about determining what that force will do to an average human leg?
Basically, the argument we need to solve is this; He believes the impact will do little more than cause his body to be moved in a swivel type of motion and maybe even push him over. He anticipates some bruising or maybe broken skin, but nothing more extreme than that.
I am sure the impact will at minimum break his leg, if not take it off. | my coworker thinks getting his leg hit by the Montreal metro will not hurt him as he is indestructible. |
t3_1oaz32 | loseit | SO cheated on me. Now feeling insecure and unmotivated. Advice? | So in May i started to lose weight mostly for myself but in part for my SO because I wanted him to find me more attractive and i knew that if i found myself more attractive my confidence would rub off.
I lost 21.5 pounds and then my SO cheated on me. Now I feel incredibly insecure and reverting back to my old ways of emotional eating because I feel so sad and lonely.
I dont want this to screw up my goals, I want to lose 10 more pounds but have fallen off the bandwagon. How do I get back on? | i lost 21.5 pounds then my SO cheated on me. now im emotional eating and feeling insecure. advise me please |
t3_1qpa9o | relationship_advice | [29/m] My girlfriend (28/f) is very successful and I'm not. | My girlfriend makes a lot of money and I don't. Even though I like doing my job, it's nothing to write home about. She has a lot of time on her hands to meet new people, to go out and do things. She's very smart and sophisticated. She talks with people about stuff and sometimes I don't understand what they are talking about. I feel like an outsider when her good looking friends come over. I can't hold a conversation that well, my job isn't interesting to talk about, I spend my time working and when I'm off I play videogames, guitar and try to spend time with my girlfriend.
I've heard her friends talk about me that they don't understand why she's with me. 'Hes too dumb, he has a shitty job, he's skinny and can't protect his woman......' yadda yadda yadda. It makes me feel worthless. | I feel worthless and I wonder if my gf will want to stay with me if I'm regarded as such a loser. |
t3_2ptgqq | relationships | Me [24 M] have been talking to this girl [19 F] for a few months. A few hours before we are supposed to go out she bails and says I'm not a good idea for her. Any perspective? | I've been talking to this girl for a little bit. For a few months we exchange texts but nothing really happens. Turns out we both liked each other. A few romantic gestures later we have our first date.
First date goes really well: we went zip lining and we were getting close and holding hands/hugging, etc. We had a great time and she comes over to my house a few days later. We watch Christmas movies and cuddle. On her way out I give a kiss.
A few days go by and she comes over again. This night is a bit more intimate and we wind up in my bed. We don't have sex but we pleasure each other. She tells me her parents told her not to spend the night. Long story short; it's 6am and she's still here.
Her parents get really upset with her and cancel dinner we had planned for the night. Me and her are upset but we both agree we did nothing wrong. A few days later I see her and she says things are moving too fast. I don't argue with her and tell her she can take some time and we can slow down.
A week goes by and we don't talk too much (Finals week) and we had plans to celebrate after the semester. I get dinner reservations, get tickets to go ice skating, and buy her flowers. She calls me before we are supposed to go out and tells me she doesn't think I'm a good idea. She says she still likes me.
I decide to at least go over to her place and bring her the flowers I got her. I go over there and give her the flowers. She says, "Does this make me an asshole?" I say, " I don't know." And I leave. It's been a week and I want to talk to her...should I ask her to meet up and talk? Has anyone been through this before? It feels to me like everything was really good and this came out of nowhere. | Was dating this girl and things were going great and suddenly she just shuts me off. Just wanting some help with what I should do. |
t3_tptjd | relationships | GF wants me and her to start hanging out with her Ex | I'm a guy (30) who has been seeing my girlfriend (also 30) for about a year. She had been seeing her ex until about a month before she met me (dated him about 6 months). Early-on in our relationship she would talk about her past relationship almost every day to the point where it really started to bother me. I felt like she was focusing on the past and not our present. I told her that, and she was respectful and avoided bringing him up.
She said that because it made me uncomfortable, she didn't contact him too much other than friendly conversation online...which she told me about. Now, however, she's saying that she doesn't have many friends, and wants to become friends with this Ex so she can enter his friend group. She insists that I do that with her (out of respect to our relationship).
Having to meet/become friends with this guy isn't something I want to do and makes me REALLY uncomfortable... I just feel like it's weird, and it's not something I'm thrilled about doing. She thinks that I'm blocking this opportunity for her to make friends, and wants me to be there to show to her ex that she's in a relationship and wants to be platonic with him. If he responds appropriately, and is able to be platonic then they will become friends. She also wants me to be part of that friend group.
I'm feeling that my boundaries are not being respected but she'll also resent me if I don't go. What should I do? Just suck it up / get over the discomfort and go? I can do this just for her (I have nothing to gain), but I also want to know if what she wants is normal/healthy and if I'm freaking out for no reason... | girlfriend wants to be friends with her ex and his friends, and wants to include me. Am I freaking out for no reason? |
t3_3bhb00 | relationships | I [24F] think I emotionally abusive to my boyfriend [31M] of 3 years (x-post relationship_advice) | My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship but this also applies to when we lived together. I love him and he is the sweetest person I have ever been with, but I sometimes feel trapped in the relationship, especially since we are not together.
He is the kind of guy I want to end up with, but I am younger than him and when I met him I was finally feeling really good about myself and guys responded to that and I was having fun flirting and going on casual dates. Right now I feel like I am not done having "flings". Because of that I am harsh on him. I am not always attracted to him and I insult his weight and make him wear his hair the way I like it because I am less attracted to him otherwise. If this were reversed, and he said the things I say, everyone would tell me I should leave him. He also puts me on a pedestal, so that he really does not call me out on anything I do or say and he would not break up with me unless I did something horrible (I also get mad at him for this). when I mention breaking up with him (late at night when I get upset and start venting) he gets very sad and tells me that he wants to be with me forever and if that if that is not want I want there is nothing he can do. I would never cheat on him. I have flirted with other guys but don't lead them on or text other guys.
Should I break up with him for his sake? Or how can I stop being a horrible girlfriend? | I think I am emotionally abusive to my boyfriend because I feel trapped in our LD relationship. How do I change this? |
t3_31soq8 | relationships | I [17/M] am pretty sure that an acquaintance's [17/M] girlfriend [17/F] is cheating on him. What should I do? | For some context, I've known the guy (call him Brian) and his girlfriend (call her Katie) since elementary school. We were part of the same friend group back then, but were never close friends. I've stayed acquaintances with them through the years, however. I never actually hang out with either of them though. I don't even have either of their numbers.
4 days ago, a close friend of mine told me that he heard a rumor that Katie hooked up with and had sex with a guy at another school in our town. The source of this rumor was one of Katie's friends. Nothing too substantial, and no real evidence, so I decided to ignore it. Besides, it was none of my business anyways.
Yesterday, I was hanging out with some friends near a trail, and I see Katie and the guy from the other school walking hand in hand, very close together. That pretty much confirmed the rumor that I heard, and I texted the friend that told me about this.
Katie and Brian have been dating for almost 3 years now, and I'm feeling really bad about this. On one hand, I think he deserves to know if his girlfriend is fucking another guy. On the other hand, I don't know either of them too well and high schoolers are really gossipy and I don't want to get super involved in this.
I have friends that are closer friends with Brian, and I've thought about involving them, but I'm not really sure that involving other people is the best way to do this.
What should I do in this situation? | I found out that the girlfriend of an acquaintance of mine was cheating on him. I'm not close friends with either of them, but I think that he deserves to know. How should I proceed? |
t3_1lvtdw | relationship_advice | F(28) in relationship with M(27) need advice on him cheating on me and me feeling attracted to another man M(27). | So I've found myself in a situation I have never wanted to find myself in. While I do love my husband - he admitted to cheating on me in the beginning of the relationship. He had a one night stand while he lived out of town that turned into a multiple time thing. It's been hard trying to deal with this. He basically told me they had been together a ton of times then turned around and told me he could barely keep it up with this woman and basically barely talked to her more than three times (?) I don't know what to believe from him anymore. We had been together for years, got married, and had our first child before he told me. I had read 'She's Come Undone' and had become focused on cheating. I finally asked him about the break we had taken at the beginning of the relationship and he finally admitted that he had cheated on me and taken a break to figure it all out.
I looked into things and we really talked about a lot of things - but like I said he lied to me multiple times about what actually happened so I'm not sure what to believe. I took a year trying to see where I stand with it. It took a lot of talking and work, but as soon as I started to settle down and feel like I could live with it I met someone. He is a friend of my husband and the attraction on my side was instantaneous. I want to say that it was on his side too - but I can't be sure because neither of us are the type to try to do anything about our feelings - I respect my marriage and he respect/likes my husband. But it's there and it's annoyingly strong. I have never felt a pull like this toward anyone in my life. l feel like I'm not sure if I can trust these feelings, or if maybe my mind is putting them there to distract me away from the recent issues with my husband. I know these types of stories are a dime a piece, I'm really just wondering if anyone has any advice on the matter - I think I'd just really like to talk to someone about it. | My husband admitted to an affair he had a long time ago (5 years) and as soon as I started to feel like I had gotten over it I had a 'love at first sight' type encounter. |
t3_17kcyx | relationships | I [18, Male] need help breaking up with my girlfriend [18, Female]. | My girlfriend and I have been dating for two and a half years. We are both going off to college later this year, and it is my opinion that breaking up sooner rather than later would benefit both of us. She is extremely attached to me, but I have slowly been drifting toward a more indifferent state of mind. It is her opinion that we should be together at least until summer. What advice can you give me? If needed, I can elaborate more.
Additional information:
At this moment, my girlfriend is at the height of her sports season. Her biggest competition is this week and next. | I can't bear to devastate my girlfriend by breaking up with her, and don't know when to do it.* |
t3_1mr37a | relationships | Me[17M] with my GF[15F] 2 months, we have been texting ALOT, I enjoy it and so does she. We were planning a big meet up soon. | The texting part is including pictures and videos. I don't look for girls to date. I am not a player or anything is what I am saying. She came to me. I really want to make her happy ,but she is broken up between her ex and I. She may have been looking for a friend. It is really simple stuff if I think about it. I have been friend zoned over 8 times already. That is a lot considering I am only seventeen. I have had 3 actual gfs before. Each one for a year about. I hope you redditors have been through this and know what I should do. | GF of 2 months isn't sure if she wants me or her ex. I am a long relationship type of guy. |
t3_1gdukg | dating_advice | I(M22) Dont know how to approach F(20) | I go to this restaurant/bar with my dad every Friday, or whenever we want really. There is a waitress there who is very attractive. I know that waitresses and waiters are supposed to be nice and work for their tips and such. Though, she flirts with me whenever we walk in. I haven't noticed her doing this with anyone else.
Here is where the problem lies. She's the owner of the establishments niece, and a waitress. I love eating at this place as its a ritual with my dad, he doesn't even let me pay for the meals, but I am really attracted to her. I know it can go both ways and I wont know the outcome unless I ask. Though, I can't imagine what would happen if it went sour. It would be awkward for me to go in there and be served by someone who I went out with, and I couldn't really look the owner in the eye. Which would ruin the whole environment for my father and I.
I will admit I get really nervous when it comes to asking females out, but I feel like this one could get complicated but be really awesome in the long run. I constantly catch her looking at me, not just our table, though I still can't tell if its her being nice because its her job. Though, I noticed that she goes out of her way just to get our table when we do go, possibly just because were great customers.
I'm going on a trip next month for two weeks. I was going to wait until after I got back, to see if she asked about me, and to kind of get a feel for the situation until then. I would really love some advice on how to approach this situation. Thank you. | I have a huge crush on a waitress at a resturant/bar that my father and I frequent, who happens to be the owners niece. HELP!! |
t3_3dxpvq | relationships | Me [19 F] with my BF [26 M] eight months, he is great except he is really mean to waitresses | My BF is a dream bf in every way, he has a great job, is loving, loyal, handsome, and smart. However, he is a big jerk to waiters and waitresses. I thought it would be an isolated thing, when it first happened he kept sending everything back and then calling them incompetent and leaving zero tip. But it is literally every time we go out to eat. He complains about every little thing to them and their service, then insults them, saying things like 'no wonder you can only work minimum wage' and 'I should go somewhere with competent employees'. He never leaves a tip and always writes a detailed note on the receipt what they messed up. When I brought this up to him that it makes me really uncomfortable, he laughed and told me they have a terrible job that pays low, and that no one should be proud of doing what they do. He said maybe his high standards will cause them to get a real job.
I think he is just making an excuse though, because when we went out one evening with his family, I saw quickly where he got it from, as his mother was incredibly rude to the staff, to the point of abuse calling them stupid to their faces. The weird thing is HE was outraged at his mom's behavior and scolded her. I wanted to remind him that he does the exact same thing..!
He is a great guy otherwise though, it is just this one thing that he sees people beneath him and thinks he is a god just because of his career. Once I saw his mom act the same way , I began having doubts about our relationship. Is his behavior normal at all, and how do I get him to stop being this way when he is with me? | My BF is the perfect boyfriend and talks about marrying me, but he is horrible to servers and minimum wage workers, and doesn't respect when I tell him to not do it around me. |
t3_12w9bo | relationship_advice | I[26/M] have issues to explain to my girlfriend [27/F] that I'm right and she's wrong | Hi Reddit,
Here is my situation. I've been with my girlfriend for almost three years and I'm pretty happy with our relationship. However she can be pretty stubborn (I'm not complaining, I can be the same) and sometimes I really do feel I'm right and instead of listening to my arguments, she just get mad and reverse the situation. Days after, when she realize she made a mistake, she does not even realize I've warned her.
Here are a couple of examples: she took useless and expensive online classes (to learn English, but her English is already perfect, she got bored and now it's wasted money), she went to a company she did not like and left three months later and more recently we got an argument about a silly thing: she wanted to book a flight for a trip together (cheap ticket) in April but I've told her I won't have vacations and I wanted to visit another country. She got mad, told me I'm not fun and even if she hides it, I know she resents me...
Don't get me wrong in our couple she's most of the time the mature person but sometimes she got extremely unreasonable. I've tried to talk to her about this, but she's very proud and does not want to hear about it. The worst part is she's an extremely talented negotiator and is very strong willed (part of why I love her :p). So it's very hard for me to win an argument. Most of the time she ends up turning the tide in her favor and I don't even know how she did that. | My girlfriend is much better than me at arguing but I really don't know how to reason her from time to time. How can I handle this? |
t3_3mm2tr | relationships | How to let go of a best friend turned lover [M,19] who is still involved in my [M,20] life in active yet non-romantic ways? | Okay. For the intimate details please see the last two posts I've made on this subreddit. Long story short, my best friend and I fell in love. I was all in, he convinced himself that he was too. He has a lot of insecurities and hang ups that prevent him from being real and opening up to anything, so naturally he shut it down. I was and am devastated, and hopelessly in love. However I realize I'm fighting a losing battle and am actively trying to release him.
But literally we share the same friend a group, same school activities, musical groups, etc etc. I realize the process is to cut off until time heals wounds, but this won't really be possible given the circumstance. So how does one deal? | How does one let go of someone who is still heavily actively involved in their lives? (in non-romantic ways) |
t3_35ohy9 | self | I suspect my mom's cheating on my dad-- what now? | I haven't confronted her about it yet, but earlier today I received a text:
it's not particularly incriminating, right? But I found three things odd:
1.) She never has called my dad "darling", on any occasion.
2.) My dad, when asked if he asked my mom to get him anything in casual conversation, said he didn't even know she had gone shopping.
3.) When I replied with a simple "what?" she didn't acknowledge it, she simply changed the topic, segue into how she bought some new candy bars.
Normally, I wouldn't even give this type of thing a second thought, but it's the first time I've gotten hard evidence of my long-time suspicions. My brother and I have discussed this before, that we think there may be someone else, but it's all circumstantial, even /if/ we both agree on it.
How we came to the conclusion:
1.) On numerous occasions throughout the last few years, my brother and i have walked past her texting someone only called "Baby" on her phone-- whenever she noticed us hanging around, she'd immediately put it away.
2.) My dad's out of town often for work stuff, and she always spends at least one night elsewhere or comes home usually late and drunk.
3.) She's strangely possessive of her phone and passwords; once, my phone went haywire and I was going out of town for a school trip, she refused to lend me any of her (numerous) phones without any explanation.
4.) When asked where she's going, as my brother tends to do (he's an asker, that one), she only ever replies, "out."
:/
I've never expressed this to anyone outside my brother, but she's been acting really weird lately-- I mean strangely nice. She's been treating me quite poorly as of late, and once the message had come into my possession, her entire personality made a 180.
I think that's reason enough for suspicion. What do? | received mom's wrong send calling someone darling and getting them smth that costs real $$$, had suspicions of her cheating before |
t3_bro2k | AskReddit | What's the best way to go about seeking psychological help? | I'm a twenty-three year old male. I remember being "stare into space and cry" depressed as early as ten years old. I was eleven when I had what I can only assume was a major traumatic psychological event involving a multitude of simultaneous auditory hallucinations. When I was sixteen I occasionally had a problem with "voices" that my brain would actually convey as real sounds and not just thoughts. It wore off before I turned seventeen, I think, and hasn't happened since.
The only "treatment" I've ever received came when I was fifteen and again when I was nineteen. These were generic anti-depressants and the doctors didn't know I was having any other issues besides being "unmotivated and anti-social." Neither time lasted more than a few months. (as they were being paid for by vaguely anti-medicine/"faith healing" parents)
I spent most of my life dealing with what was obviously OCD (possibly even Tourettic OCD) and I eventually had to repress and control it on my own as psychology wasn't something my parents put any stock in.
I also had, and still have to a much lesser extent, social-anxiety with panic attacks.
By the time I was fourteen I had lost most of my sense of physical pleasure. By eighteen, my sexual anhedonia was absolute. At twenty-three I have what I can only assume is "blunted emotional responses" to everyday stimuli. No smiling unless I fake it. I laugh reflexively; but it doesn't feel like anything worthwhile anymore.
I don't have any real homicidal or violent urges aside from self-loathing and pity that ultimately wear off when my friends show any form of sympathy and I've learned to override any desperate delusional thoughts with logic. So I'm not worried about any of the aforementioned issues.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say I'm probably suffering from Disorganized Schizophrenia; but I'd rather an expert tell me that without going into an examination aiming for that outcome. | I have a very blatant history of psychological problems and want to know how to properly find a psychologist rather than simply picking one at random out of a phone-book. |
t3_1ryhw3 | offmychest | Roommates and dishes: can the sight of dishes really induce "anxiety"? | So this might not carry the weight of a lot of posts here, but my roommates are the worst when it comes to messes. We've had an ongoing feud as to who should clean the dishes when the sink gets piled high with everybody's shit, but it never seems to actually get resolved. I'll be the first guy to admit that I'm not the cleanest, nor the most diligent when it comes to dishes, but if there's a sink full of dishes, I usually just do them all to end the complaining. I don't see it as a priority to have the sink empty at all times while they claim to see dishes in the sink and get "anxiety" over it. I'm not sure if what they're feeling is actually classified as anxiety or just a hyperbolic use of a buzzword to get some sympathy and to get their way (because who can argue with mental illness nowadays). How did I end up with a house full of people who all get so anxious at the sight of dishes? It seems so statistically improbable.
But anyways, it's just incredibly frustrating to go into the kitchen and hear them bitch and moan about the dishes and try to point fingers when they contribute equally to what's in the sink. And then I usually clean it all to avoid becoming the pariah of the house because they all know that messes don't bother me as much, so I probably didn't make it in the first place. | roommates and I have a cleanliness issue that bothers them way more than me, I take the blame and the guilt even though they contribute to the mess. |
t3_1jgisc | relationships | I [17/f] have stopped being intimate with my bf [20/m] of 2 months because he's Catholic and has to tell the priest at Confession (I'm an atheist) | I've slept with several guys before him (I'm his second), but it was always a one-time thing and I usually never even saw or spoke to them again.
This is my first real relationship and I really like him and everything was going great until one day I learned he has to tell the priest at Confession that we have premarital sex. This makes me REALLY uncomfortable and I don't know why. I had to tell him we can't have sex anymore because I feel uncomfortable, and he said it's not a big deal but I WANT to have sex with him, and even though it's against his religion he wants sex too, I just don't want him to tell some guy in a booth our business.
I understand it's his faith and do not hold it against him. Is there anyway to get over this without having to cheat or break up? I really like him.
I know I'm young and we haven't been together very long, you don't need to tell me. | Bf is Catholic, I'm Atheist and I'm uncomfortable about him telling the priest we have sex at Confession |
t3_rou75 | Dogtraining | House training a cognitively delayed dog | So.. I have a beagle who we believe is just turning 3 (he was a rescue). With lots of work and behavioral training, we've gotten his epilepsy and food aggression under control. However, there is still a major issue... he pees everywhere. Doesn't matter how many times I take him out, or how many walks we go on. He comes inside and pees, doesn't even try to hold it. We tried crate training him with a lot of success, but he still pees and poops in there too. We know there was some abuse in his past which seems to have resulted in some neurological deficits. For the first time in two years though, he received a clean bill of health :)
The peeing issue is becoming a huge problem. I have to steam clean my carpets several times per week. Using urine erasing enzymes doesn't seem to work either. I'm really losing hope... anyone who has any tips on dealing with this problem, especially with a special needs dog would be amazing!!!!
Thanks for reading! | I have a dog that is neurological problems that pees everywhere, regardless of being taken out and using urine deterants. |
t3_23y4eg | Parenting | Daycare called CPS on us. Anyone else have experience with this? | 2 weeks ago my infant came home with a tiny bruise on her arm. It was small and reddish and after some panicky googling, I concluded that maybe she got to sucking on her arm, or it possibly got pinched in the Velcro of her sleep sack. Of course it was all speculation, but regardless, I figured that it wasn't a huge deal because it didn't bother her, and it was so small.
Fast forward to Tuesday, I am changing her (now 11 week old) and notice the same thing on her leg. I was quite faint, and I touched it to see if it was sensitive, and it didn't phase her. I got her dressed and took her right to daycare.
That night, my husband calls me in tears saying that a social worker has been there asking my family very slanted questions. I rush home and got interviewed which was so hard. We rush her to the local children's hospital to get her evaluated to make sure there wasn't a medical cause for the easy bruising. There, we were treated like child abusers. They had a security guard sitting outside of our door the entire time. They left the the door open so staff could keep an eye on us. A forensic photographer documented took pictures of it. It was humiliating and awful. I just held my daughter and cried. No one has even been close to rough with my daughter.
Once a few doctors and nurses saw what we were there for, they started being really friendly to us. I think a few realized that we wouldn't hurt her, but they had a job to do, which I understood. If they didn't investigate hard enough, and a child was being abused, it would be terrible.
I'm not even sure that the bruises didn't come from the daycare itself. I came in to her laying in a seat on the floor, and a toddler crawling all over her once. She just wasn't hurt, so i wasn't really upset about it. Not to mention a toddler busted his head open there last week on a sharp wood corner.
Anyone else have experience with this at all? How did you handle the situation?
Here's a picture of the bruise. | daycare called cps over a small bruise on my infant. We don't know how it got there, could have been daycare. Have an open case so everyone can make sure we're not abusing her. |
t3_nr1s0 | relationship_advice | Still in love with ex gf. How to stop that? | I went out with Jackie for about four years. I broke up with her about two months ago because things were long distance and that distance didn't seem likely to get fixed.
However, I think I'm still in love with Jackie. Perhaps the holidays are especially bad for this, but I'm up crying and listening to Bright Eyes, thinking of all the things we shared and all the experiences we had that I'll never really be able to talk about again. I'm not usually like this, but I don't usually let myself dwell on this type of thing.
Two issues:
A: I've started going out with a new girl, Kendra, but I don't really want to get into a relationship with Kendra until I'm over Jackie. (Make sense?) So I've been taking things really slowly with Kendra, who probably just thinks I'm the least affectionate date in existence. Any way I can fall out of love with Jackie as quickly as possible?
B: Another girl, Wendy, seems to be really into me and I'm attracted to her. However, she is very similar in appearance to Jackie. I don't think that's why I'm attracted to her and I think she is a better fit for me than Kendra, but I don't want to be making some classic breakup mistake. Is there any "rule" about not going out with a girl that looks just like your ex? | I'm still in love with my ex. How can I fall out of love quickly so I can fall in love again? Is dating a girl who just happens to looks like my ex a really bad idea? |
t3_li5am | BreakUps | Ended a six year relationship with the person I thought was the one for me, boy was I wrong. | I woke up for work that morning to see her phone plugged into my desktop and the screen was on with a message from her sent right before we went to bed to this guy. I read through it a bit and found out it had been going on for at least a week. This was the last straw for me seeing as how she has done this six times over times throughout the course of our relationship. I know most of you are going to tell me I should have left after the first time, I know this, believe me but after having this time apart from her I don't regret it one bit. I had some amazing times with her, and plenty of fond memories that I will never forget.
I've broken off all contact and I don't miss her, not even a little. I think that after all this time of her making me feel guilty for her actions did it for me. It was easy to end it when she ended up making me feel disgusted to be seen with her. I just wanted to say that I had no idea I was depressed until I wasn't. Since this has happened my mood and attitude have improved beyond measure. I am myself again, and I fucking love me!
Has anyone else gone through a relationship this long and broken it off this easily and came out feeling like yourself v2.0? I've gotten a promotion and raise at work since that day. Women are noticing me that hadn't before, and I'm really enjoying the attention. | Broke up with s/o of six years, due to non-stop cheating. No regret but not upset about it in the least. |
t3_27lqtx | relationship_advice | Have not heard from my girlfriend for almost two weeks... | So I have been dating this girl for about 3-4 months and we are both in highschool. Things were going pretty well, we were getting along great and going out fairly often but as soon as school ended for the year she almost completely stopped talking to be. It has been almost two weeks and in that time we had a brief text based conversation where she said she has been busy with a job at dunkin donuts, that was 3 or 4 days ago, but I don't really think she can be so busy that the has to straight up drop contact with me almost entirely. I just don't really know what to do... maybe she works all day at dunkin, maybe not... | I have not heard from my girlfriend in nearly two weeks apparently because of work, I really miss her and don't know what I should do about it. |
t3_3uuidg | relationships | I [37M] have a friend [45M] who is unlucky in love and it's his own damned fault. | I've been friends with "Doug" for 5 years or so, since I've lived in London. In that time, I've known Doug to have a few very short term relationships, all ended by the girlfriend, but for him to mostly be single. Doug does all the dating apps - Tinder, Happn, eHarmony, etc - and puts a tremendous amount of effort into finding a girl to settle down with.
The reason for his bad luck is obvious to me and to all of our mutual friends. Doug's okay looking, but a bit overweight, bald, and not particularly fashionable. He's a nice guy, but he's not especially charming or witty. He lives in a flatshare. I know that London's expensive, but as a single guy in your 40s, not having your own place isn't going to go well with the ladies. All of this isn't to say that he can't find a girl - there's someone for everyone. But he keeps going for knockout girls with successful careers who are at least ten years younger than himself.
On one hand, I'm getting a little tired of Doug whining that he has such bad luck with women every time I see him. And on the other hand, he's a friend, and I genuinely want him to be happy.
How can I (or we) delicately suggest to Doug that he needs to lower his impossibly high standards if he wants to meet a woman and be happy with her? Or should I even be attempting to get involved? I feel like any conversation that I have with him along these lines is going to come across as very insulting. | My friend is a 4 and he's failing at dating because he's trying for 9s. Is there a way to gently point this out to him? |
t3_3yhunj | relationships | Me (26/f) doesn't want to invite fathers side of family to daughters 3rd Bday party. | Hi,
I'm no longer with my daughters father. But we keep in touch and pretty much keep it strictly about our little girl.
Her 3rd birthday is coming up, were going to be having a party at Chuck e cheese.
Both the father and I don't want to invite his family. His mother is incredibly 2 faced, she turns (almost) every situation into some pity party about herself. Then there's the fathers 2 sisters. One has 'Found God' within the last few years and walks around like her shit doesn't stink, she will not acknowledge you (have gone to plenty of family functions where she literally will just walk past me, not even a nod.) The other sister is just incredibly entitled as well, but not as bad as the other. They each have 2 kids. So I feel almost obligated to invite them because of the cousins. But knowing they'll just be sitting there, judging me, my daughter, party guests, the lack of pinterest inspired decor. Just irks me. I don't like them, I don't want them around. I don't need to hear their sighs and little quips and comments. This past Halloween the entire family got together go trick or treat a few blocks together with the kids. Everyone else showed up in Mario themed costumes. They didn't ask if we wanted to participate, they didn't mind leaving my daughter out. I wanted to set them on fire and leave. I ended up just taking off half way through trick or treating cause they were pissing me off. Do I invite them because of the kids? Is it OK that I don't? Am I an asshole? | Narcissistic family members on daughters fathers side of family. I don't want to invite them to party, but feel bad because they have kids. |
t3_3nlhvz | relationships | I'm 23(m) and I've been talking to two different girls, both 21(f), but I'm not dating either of them so I didn't feel like there was anything wrong with it but... | So I just met a girl at a party we will call her Kim. We hit it off. Chatted. Things were fun. I got her number and we parted ways. Well I'm also kinda interested in another girl as well and we'll call her Ashley. Things are a little rocky with Ashley and I'm not sure where things are going there so I wanted to keep my options open. Well it turns out my luck is awful because I was texting both Kim and Ashley one night and as it turns out they were good friends (which I had no clue) and found out I was texting them both at the same time. Well now Kim won't talk to me and Ashley just seems kinda indifferent about all of it. Its not like I was dating either of them so I don't really see what the big deal is but clearly it upset them. Can you guys give me your opinions of this situation? | talking to two girls. They turn out to be friends. Now they are upset but I don't feel like I did anything wrong. Need opinions. |
t3_1u0hio | needadvice | After offering my 19 y.o. brother a place to live, he broke his promise to me twice. | Well, my 19 y.o. brother is smoking weed. My parents are anti-drugs (including softdrugs) and kicked him out after being caught with drugs (the second time). After this, I decided to offer him the spare room in my house, with the promise to not bring drugs into my house. He could smoke it at a friend, but my SO doesn't want it in the house.
Not long after he moved in, I found out that he brought drugs to my house. He told me he didn't know where to store it elsewhere. I reminded him of the promise not to bring it in the house and told him he could smoke the remainder he had on him outside. He promised that he would keep any new weed at friends. This happened 5 days ago.
Yesterday, my SO snooped around his room (without my knowledge) and found a small amount of weed in his bag. Right now, I don't really know what to do. On one hand, I don't approve the snooping around, as I think it's an invasion of privacy. On the other hand, I'm really disappointed that he didn't keep his promise to me.
So, do I need to confront him? If so, what should I say to him? And how will I know he will keep the promises he makes in the future? | Took my brother in house with the promise he wouldn't keep drugs in the house. He ignored this promise twice. Do I need to (and how do I best) confront him? |
t3_4fxvdq | relationships | I [25M] am scared of falling asleep with my girlfriend [23F] of 2 months because I sometimes suck my thumb in my sleep | I don't know how to not make this topic awkward, but ever since forever, I've had a habit of sucking my thumb. My parents said that they got worried because as a little I would keep sucking my thumb. Eventually it just became a sort of comfortable thing growing up in my teen years where it seemed natural and comfortable for me. In my 20's, I decided I really needed to stop and just forced myself. It was really hard to stop but I managed to stop it completely when I'm awake.
Here's the issue though. When I'm asleep during the night, I sometimes end up sucking sucking my thumb and then wake up with it in my mouth. I have no idea how I'm supposed to stop doing this when I'm asleep. 2 months ago I met the most amazing girl ever and we really enjoy spending time together. Whenever she is sleeping at my place I try so hard not to fall asleep. I basically keep myself up the entire night until she wakes up. I have told her a lie about suffering from insomnia since she's obviously noticed how tired I look in the morning. However, it's gotten to a point where she gets a bit worried about me. I just tell her that I'm not really used to sleeping in bed with another person and I need some time to get adjusted to it.
I don't know what to do anymore. I can't keep this lie going obviously. But on the other hand, telling her the truth... WTF? She will freak out about it and I'm scared she will probably leave me, especially this early in our relationship. | I can't stop sucking my thumb when I fall asleep. Makes it impossible to sleep with my girlfriend because I don't want her to wake up and see it. |
t3_35b203 | relationship_advice | (30/f) Boyfriend (27/m) is unsure of our future - Can we overcome this? | My boyfriend (27/m) and I have been dating for just shy of 2 years and we do not currently live together. We get along great, have some similar interests and our values are the same. At around the 6 month mark, he started having doubts. We almost broke up at that time, but he couldn't bear the thought so we stayed together. Fast forward a year later, the same doubts resurface as I start asking future-oriented questions. I did not pressure him, I simply asked if he saw a future with us and that I wanted to marry him one day. Here are his doubts: Loves me but isn't sure it's the "forever" type of love, Not sure if he wants to marry me and Not sure if he can see us doing anything besides what we're currently doing (dating and living separately).
We broke up 2 weeks ago but have been in constant contact since. He said he needs time to figure it out, he wants me but isn't certain and he's looking for certainty. He's only getting married once and he needs to be sure before he can 100% commit to this relationship. He's mentioned going to couples therapy and I told him I absolutely would, but only if he was serious about us. I don't want to waste time or emotion if we're not really trying to make it work. I told him I'd give him some time (like a month) to figure this out and to either be with me, or not.
So reddit, have you ever faced doubts like this in your relationship, either as the doubter or the one on the receiving end of the uncertainty? How did you overcome it or did you just end the relationship? If it ended, did you regret it? Any advice is welcome. | Boyfriend of nearly 2 years doesn't know if he can see himself marrying me. Do I end it or stick by him while he figures this out over the next few weeks? Are we doomed? |
t3_1vod53 | relationships | GF and I know we are going to part ways after college graduation in 3 months. Should we stay together until then or split now? | Me [22M], Girlfriend [23F]
We've been together for around 6 months and we have talked about our future. We've decided that we will no longer be together after graduation in 3 months. After graduation we are both moving far away from here and far away from each other.
We have a lot of fun together and enjoy each other's company, but it won't be a long term thing.
If we split now, it will be hard for me. I'm sure I'll cry and be upset for a few days or so. I don't know how bad she will react, it's something I will talk to her about soon. I'm probably a little bit more attached to her than she is to me.
If we split in 3 months, we will only grow closer in that time and it will be even harder on both of us, but we will get to spend more time together. We can't split and be just friends, I couldn't do that.
Has anyone gone through something like this? | GF and I know we are going to part ways after college graduation in 3 months. Should we stay together until then or split now? |
t3_1lf5s8 | relationships | Unsure if I [21F] should leave safe relationship with [23M] or not, advice from older redditors appreciated! | My boyfriend of one and a half years is a really wonderful guy. He's my first serious relationship, the rest were flings that fizzled after the honeymoon phase. He'd never hurt a fly, he cares about me a lot, and we have a very stable relationship. We've spent about half our relationship living apart so we're used to distance and it won't pose much of a problem for us if it grows or shortens while we follow our careers. He texts me every few hours to check in and calls me every night. We never fight---we disagree, but we communicate and resolve the issue quickly and maturely. From the outside looking in, it's a great relationship.
All that said, all that reliability and stability has a cost. He's very vanilla in bed (has only agreed to slight variants of missionary) and is cautious about change. He's not one for romance (he's never once sent me flowers, didn't think to buy me a birthday present, has never surprised me). Our nightly phone call lasts exactly one hour (can't even convince him to leave skype on while we do our own things). He's a very hard worker and although he always makes time for me, we both know that his work will always take priority.
Basically I'd define our relationship as "responsible" and find myself wondering if your twenties should be a time to be irresponsible. I'm not looking for a drug dealing bad boy or anything, but sometimes I get jealous scrolling through facebook and seeing the cute or sexy things other girls' boyfriends do for them (surprise dates, flowers, thoughtful favors, dirty pictures). Still, leaving him in search of a boy who knows my favorite chocolate seems stupid and petulant (I can't even imagine that break up convo---"sorry, you just never buy me lindt truffles"). | Will I regret leaving my safe, stable, and responsible boyfriend for someone more fun? Is safe and stable and kind of boring even what I should want to settle down with in the future? |
t3_3drcrd | dogs | [Help] GSD gets tired quickly | My SO thinks my pup has been getting really tired, very quick. I think it's just from running.
Lestrade is a 1.5 year old German Shepherd/Malamute who had a THR in February. The surgeon told me I no longer had to restrict her movement in May.
She goes to the dog park and will run for ~10 minutes, rest, then repeat. She is usually at the park for an hour to an hour and a half before she'll tap her leash by the gate to let me know she wants to go home.
Now, the dog park on our property does not have water available so she doesn't have anything to drink until we're back home (every time I bring water down there and her dish, someone snags it)
Today we took Lestrade to the city park and she ran around for awhile and we left after 45 minutes. While in the car my SO asked if Lestrade was okay because she was panting heavily. She has a water cup in the car which she drank from as well as from the fountain at the park.
I said she was fine, but now I'm wondering if I'm missing something. Lestrade eats and drinks normally. She used to eat treats immediately, but now she'll take the bone we give her at night and bury in our bed. She's had solid mixed with some soft stool lately.
We live in Southern California, so it gets hot, but today it's 80F, windy, and cloudy. And I usually take her to the park at night when it's 80 or below.
I will probably take her to the vet Monday for a check up, but I wanted to see what you guys thought first. | my SO thinks my GSD has been more tired and panting more heavily than usual. Not sure if there could be something wrong. |
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