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t3_s28xj | relationships | Need help with depressed boyfriend! Please help :( | Throwaway account. I (22 f) have been dating my boyfriend (24 m) for about 4 months now. We just recently made things official and everything was going amazing until about 4 or 5 days ago when I learned that he has pretty bad depression, and is currently in a depressed state. I have absolutely no idea what to do and I feel completely lost. I want to help him so bad but he's really pushed away and won't really talk about it. I've tried to talk to him about it too and he says that he doesn't want to. He's told me that it's nothing to do with us too, but I'm just really worried. And I know he's not doing anything shady.
We're hanging out this weekend and I wanted to do something fun for him to maybe get his mind off of whatever he's going through. I know that I won't be able to completely heal him, but I want to do something fun for him. Do you guys have any ideas of what I could do? Please help. I just want my boyfriend back :( I've been trying everything. | My boyfriend is depressed and I want to do something fun for him this weekend to maybe get his mind off of it for a few hours. Any suggestions? |
t3_4h6jom | relationships | Most of my friends are graduating and I [21/M] am feeling quite depressed. | So I'm a college Junior and have had a great time in college so far. I've made some close friends and have had plenty of funny stories and good times. However ALL of those friends are graduating at the end of this semester. We all live very far apart from each other some across the state, others way across the country. I am looking at how little time we have left together and am feeling really sad that there is a good chance that I will never see any of them again. I'm someone who is really shy and quiet and find it difficult to make new friends especially now since I'm in my 20's. I feel wrong about feeling sad because everyone else just seems not to acknowledge that fact. Life goes on I know and I want nothing but the best for them but I can't help but feel that the last 3 years of our lives have all been kind of meaningless. That sounds stupid because I've said we've had great times but like I said I can't help but feel sad/depressed and I feel like I'm the only one who feels like this. | ALL of my friends are graduating and moving back to their homes across the country, good chance I'll never see them again, feel sad and depressed and feel that I'm the only one that feels like that. |
t3_249dci | offmychest | Fuck fuck fuck fuck my allergies. | I can't breathe. I can't see. I can't swallow. I can't fucking do anything. I've been sneezing non-stop for the last THREE hours. I have a fucking migraine from how many times I've gone *"AAAAYYYY-CHOOO".* I'm so sick of the sound of my own sneezing, I can only imagine that I'm driving my housemates crazy.
My nose has been running like a faucet. I've gone through TWO rolls of toilet paper. That's so fucking stupid. On top of that, I can't keep my eyes open for more than 30 seconds before I feel the incessant need to claw my eyes out.
I seriously feel like my head is going to explode. My eyes, nose, and throat feel like they've been stung by the fury of a thousand mosquitoes. Everything is swollen, uncomfortable, and itches SO DAMN MUCH. It doesn't help that my head is exploding EVERY THIRTY SECONDS from a God damned sneeze.
I have a 6 page essay worth 30% of my course grade due tomorrow, and I can't string two sentences together without spraying my mucus all over the screen. I've already done that twice during the writing of this post.
I've gone through cases of flu, strep, concussions, and worse - and STILL managed to finish deadlines and go to class. This is the only time where I seriously need a fucking break, but I know I'd get laughed at if I asked for it. Could anyone imagine me telling my professor "I couldn't write my essay because my nose was FJKDSYHFUIaHFDKJSFH'ing all over the place?"
What a fucking joke. I feel like my brain is about to explode out of my skull. | Allergies are the worst misery and torment I've ever felt in my life. Beats flus, concussions, and strep. Still have an essay to write. |
t3_2hndzv | relationships | I [18M] lost the love of my life [18F] and have no idea what to do... | We both just entered our first year of college together. We have been dating for 3 years currently and 5 and 1/2 years total. She meant everything to me.
We broke up because I got jealous about her being around other guys and hanging with them. She got defensive. I was stupid. I should have realized that she just wanted friends and not to be stuck with me all the time.
I spoke to her dad about this and he thinks I should give her some space and wait for her to realize she wants to be with me, but I worry she won't.
Now she wants nothing to do with me and wants me to leave her alone. I don't want to be without her though since she means the world to me...
I don't know what to do.. I don't feel motivated to do anything. I just want her back. I love her. | I lost the love of my life because I got jealous. She doesn't want anything to do with me. I screwed up and I don't know what to do.. |
t3_z6fv2 | relationships | I [F19] feel like I'm only in a relationship with my boyfriend [M20] (recently diagnosed with depression) to keep him happy. | We've been best friends for a few years now, and now going out for perhaps half a year until I realised that I'm finding it hard to commit, due to the busy lifestyle that I temporarily have.
He's just so intense throughout our relationship and I really do love him too, but I now realise that I'm not entirely ready for a relationship (recently, university's been getting so much busier and my personal life's been a bit of a jumble). I've told him that I find it extremely harder to commit and I subtly suggested if we could take a break (which he refused because he still maintains the belief that "there are no such things as breaks in a relationship").
More importantly though, he's just been diagnosed with depression, which is the only reason why I'm not ending it right now.
I'm also afraid that in the event that I do end this relationship, the friendship that we had would be gone. I'd lose my best friend.
Does anybody have any advice on how to deal with this situation? | Can't fully commit currently to a relationship; I want to end it, but I feel like I can't because my boyfriend's just recently been diagnosed with depression and I feel as if I'm only in it to keep him happier. |
t3_2rcebr | relationships | I (27f) have just found out something that is a huge turn off about my SO (29m). How do I deal? | ... I've been talking to a guy I met online for almost a year now, and I really love him and have genuine feelings for him (and was looking forward to meeting him very soon) but I just saw a video of him walking and he has a real walking issue. People could be mean and call it a "duck" walk where he sort of waddles and turns his feet out. I hate to say it, but it makes him look like a walking penguin and it's a total and instant turn off.
I asked him about it in a non-accusatory way (just out of curiosity) and he said he always got made fun of for it, that he can't walk normally and that people constantly whisper behind his back for it.
Am I a horrible person if this completely turns me off and I no longer want to see him because of it? We met online, so I didn't have any way of knowing this was how he walked, and I think he probably would have never told me until we met.
I sound like such a superficial idiot and I feel awful about it. | Met online. Found out online SO walks like a duck with a really bad waddle. It turns me off a lot. Can I end it over this? |
t3_2q7mzg | relationship_advice | Super sheltered home schooled religious (almost gf)[20/f] needs her mom's aproval about if she should date me[20/m] even though she is an adult and independent. Also want to hear any of your experiences. | So I met this girl and for 2 or 3 months we've been dating; things have esculated and we like each other enough to want a relationship.
When the topic of her being in one and her becoming my girlfriend came up she said she needed to talk to her mother about the topic.
When I asked about how her mom was and why she needed to talk to her she essentially described Bill O'Riley as her mom, her mom doesn't even want her hanging around people who don't believe in god, ect (I'm an atheist and let my gf know that right then and there).
What I'm asking is has anyone ever been in s relationship where the person you are dating has never dated anyone and has a super sheltered religious home schooled background (she was home schooled all her life). And has anyone been in a relationship in which the partners parents feel they should govern what their independent adult child does? What am I getting myself into l don't want to hurt her. | Super sheltered home schooled religious (almost gf) needs her mom's aproval about if she should date me even though she is an adult and independent (financially and all.) |
t3_3q0nre | relationships | My gf [20 F] has cheated me[20 M] 2 times, while I tried to fix our life. | So me and my girlfriend have been together for 2 years. One year ago we moved from our home to another country to study and live there.
Since then I have been working hard to get us a good apartment and ok jobs. (I found her a part time job and myself full time job in nice places). Fixed everything in regards of work, study and residence permits. And finally after one year I have found a perfect place for us to live in, close to downtown with affordable rent.
But 2 weeks ago I discovered that she has cheated me 2 times past year. We are having a rough time. She claims that it happened because I couldn't gave her myself enough to satisfy her and to feel loved enough. But the thing is, we still did plenty of things together and I felt that after we are going to have this dream apartment everything is going to be 100 times better.
So I don't know what to do, everything that I achieved seems to fell apart. I am ready to forgive her, because I love her very much and I admit that I wasn't the most romantic and loving guy this past year. As of right now we are having a small thought break, she doesn't even know what she wants I think. She says to me that she wants to try again, but at the same time keeps talking to other guys.
What should I do? I am so confused. | Together 2 years(Me [20 M], gf [20 F]), studying in a foreign country for 1 rough year, finally when everything is settled down I have discovered that she has cheated on me twice. |
t3_10qpz0 | college | I'll most likely get accepted into my dream college to study engineering. Problem? I'll leave with 100k in debt. Worth it? | I'd like to study engineering at the University of Michigan. I always knew the engineering program was amongst the best in the world, but after visiting there the other day and learning more about its facilities and co-curricular activities I was even more blown away. I really, really want to go there.
I'm in a pretty shitty situation. Parents got divorced, financial problems happened, savings disappeared, re-married and now make too much for me to receive financial aid, yada yada whatever, the list goes on. Not complaining, I know with hard work I'll be just fine. No matter where I go, however, I'll leave school having to pay off 50k+. There is the whole 2 years of community college option then transfer to a university but... urrggghh. That eliminates *a lot* of opportunities.
In short, I'll leave this place with 100k+ in debt. I'll get a great education, be an incredibly well-rounded engineer, and have the experience of a lifetime. Will it all be worth starting my new life with such a heavy burden? I have some other school options available that can cut down my costs, but like I said, U of M is the place I want to be. | The cost of my dream college costs 100k. Should I settle for a cheaper school (60-70k debt) or just go for it? Opportunities of a lifetime vs money =/ |
t3_zlv6p | AskReddit | A rumor has been spread through the college I attended a few years ago and I have recently moved back to that I raped a girl, I have done no such thing, what can I do? | throwaway for various reasons.
I joined a fraternity midway through my school career there, and dropped out of the fraternity and the school for various reasons. I have since moved back but it seems that members of that fraternity, as well as members of a few others have started spreading the rumor that I have roofied and raped several girls.
A roommate of mine overheard one old brother of mine saying how he "watched" me rape a girl, which my roommate clearly knew was a lie as anyone who knew me would know.
Two friends of mine overheard a guy that was on my same floor freshman year and is now in a different fraternity say he kicked me out of a party because I roofied a girl in front of him. I was kicked out of that party but had no clue why because I was having fun with a lot of people and did no such thing.
Another of my roommates had a fling with a girl that said herself that she was roofied by "my name" but when he brought her around it was clear that she and I had never even met, we didn't even live in the town at the same time until a few months ago.
I am in no way, shape, or form a rapist or anything close to it. I'm not even a guy that enjoys "hooking up". I like taking girls on dates and hanging out with them, getting to know them a lot before any kind of physical activity, and even with that I rush nothing. I'm knowledgeable about ongoing enthusiastic consent and wouldn't be able to have fun if that weren't the case.
This only came to light recently but apparently these rumors have been spreading for a while. I have no clue why they would spread, some of the people spreading them I didn't get on very well with when I was attending the school previously, but most of the people I got on just fine with. My reputation is being ruined. What can I do to recover from this? | people from my old college that I recently began to attend again have been spreading the rumor that I rape and roofie girls and that they have witnessed such events. Nothing of the sort has happened. What to do? |
t3_499dut | dating_advice | Sister [27f] said "it's obvious I'm not having children or a husband". Seems to have given up on her relationship/family dreams | I [23M] just recently graduated college and moved in with my sister because it's conveniently close to my new work. She's always been an isolated/introvert type but I realized it even more living with her. We were talking about relationships and future which we usually don't speak of... Anyway, she's completely too shy to get in the dating world. She's been on probably 2 dates in the last 5 years since her last (and only) boyfriend. She's a great, caring, beautiful woman and love kids - works at a children's hospital. She's great with our 2 yr old niece. She needs to take that first step to get back on track. So many guys would be lucky to have her but she thinks "it's too late". I want to help, need advice!! | My 27 year old introvert sister will not socialize, has given up on having a family of her own. Looking for advice! |
t3_11wxrl | relationships | I [16m] am having trouble with a breakup that's not even mine. | My sister [19f] broke up with her [19m] bf and I have mixed feelings about it. They were going out for about a year, but they spent every single day together. They would go to church together, they would get their hair cut together, and they would go everywhere with eachother. He was the nicest guy on earth, and our whole family loved him. And most of all, he loved her. He did more for her than I could even imagine. He was there for her for everything, even after she lost alot of her friends, he was there for her. Once they got into college, they would "face time" multiple times a day, however my sister apparently wasn't very fond of that, video chatting 2-3 times a day for sometimes a 1/2 hour to an hour. She said that she felt like he controlled too much of what she did, and she really wanted to do her own thing. But, he was such a nice guy and he just cared. Yesterday, he went up to her campus to finally say goodbye, in person, (she didn't even break up with him in person). As he said, it was the hardest thing he's ever done. He hasn't gone to church since because he thought it would bring back summer memories. I don't know what to say to him or what to say to her. Right now, I feel incredibly bad for her now-ex, because not much is going for him, he doesn't like his college much, and she was all he had. Even though it wasn't even my relationship, I can't stand to see them apart. | It seems my sister broke up with a perfect guy, and I don't know how to take it from my standpoint. |
t3_1xso9e | weddingplanning | Both of my bridesmaids are pregnant! | And I'm super excited for both of them! One of them has been trying for a few years and needed some fertility treatments to get pregnant, so I'm so happy for her especially. The only thing is that they are both due just after my wedding. Is there anything I can plan for them to help on the day, assuming they don't go into labour early? Our ceremony is at a botanical garden, so we'll be outside. I'm very glad I was letting them pick their own dresses, since they will be very pregnant when I get married. I think I'm more excited for their new babies than my own wedding! | Both of my bridesmaids are due weeks after my wedding. How do I provide for them and make sure they're comfortable? |
t3_2flj1t | relationships | Me (22f) with my boyfriend (24m) of two years. Confused about how to support him. | Hi r/relationships. So here's the story. My boyfriend and I have been together about two years. Over the summer we were apart due to some problems we have been working on and things are a lot better.
However, things have been really stressful in his life. His grandfather is having health problems and his dog who he had for 15+ years died day before yesterday. He's really down. He cancelled our plans for the weekend and is reclusive.
Now I know this is the way he deals with things. This isn't the first time life has sprung its evils on one of us. However, I always seem to take it personally when he takes his time to grieve and deal. He almost stops talking to me completely and if I do see him he's always almost completely silent. I guess it just hurts he won't talk to me when I really want to be there for him.
So this is where you come in, reddit. How can I support him in a way that makes him comfortable? What can I do? I just want to be there for him, but I don't want to seem needy. | my boyfriend is having hard times in life right now. He deals by being reclusive and independent. How can I show him that I support him and are there for him without being annoying or obtrusive? |
t3_2x2zv9 | relationships | I [M16] like a girl [F16] and she likes me back but she has a lot of haters who I'm also friends with. | So a lot of my friends are starting to split off from me and some are antagonizing her now because they don't like her. I know some of the reasons why but they're not big deals at all. She just has some flaws in her personality like being stubborn sometimes when she thinks she's right.
Both my classes that I have with her I share with her ex who I'm also friends with. His friend group though seems to all hate her with a fury and i don't know what to do about it. I don't like that so many of my friends are being so judgemental and I wish everyone would just be nice to each other and accepting but I guess high schoolers are fake and dramatic as hell. | split between friends and girl I really like. Friends being haters but I don't want to isolate myself by ignoring them and being with her |
t3_4vsu08 | relationships | My [27M] girlfriend [37F] of 3 years says our relationship is no longer a priority to her | When we met, she had just left her ex (36M) whom she has a daughter (6F) with. Very early in the relationship, she told me that she wanted to be on good terms with her ex, for her daughters sake, and that it was important to her that the three of them could still spend time together. I obliged.
It started small. Little things like spending the day in the park and family dinners, which eventually escalated to going on week-long vacations. In hindsight, I should've said no more often, but when things gradually get worse you tend not to notice it.
This spring, I talked to her about us going on vacation over the summer, which she didn't really seem keen on. Later asked to going on a weekend trip, which was also shot down. A few weeks ago, my parents asked if we wanted to come over for dinner that weekend; told my GF about it, everything seemed fine, and she then cancelled at the last minute because "I have things to do, you should've double-checked with me before you made plans."
I brought up how we never do things together anymore, how we barely spend time together, and mentioned that it bothered me that she could apparently find time to spend with her ex and daughter. (Emphasis on the ex.) She went on a rant about the things going on in her life at the moment, that her mother's sick and she's stressed out about work and so on, and ended it with "with all the things going on right now, you're not a priority at the moment."
We didn't see each other for two weeks after that (unrelated, just random circumstances) and it ended up with me pretty much getting thrown out because her daughter had woken up. (I didn't mention this before, but she never really told her ex that we were together and, because of financial reasons, is terrified he'll find out. Hence why she didn't want her daughter to see me.)
At this point, I don't know if things are salvagable, or if it's even worth bothering. | Girlfriend spends more time with her ex and daughter than me, doesn't consider relationship a priority. Not sure if relationship can be salvaged, or if it's even worth trying. |
t3_2oksyw | relationships | My (17/f) boyfriend (17/m) wants me to meet his whole extended family at an upcoming wedding, but I don't know about that. | My boyfriend and I have been best friends since we were toddlers basically and he's the person I'm closest to in my life, but we only started "dating" in June. He's met all of my immediate family and my grandparents and a few aunts/uncles/cousins, and I've met all of his immediate family and his maternal aunts/uncles/cousins, but no one on his dads side and that's the side the wedding is on. He's talked about how much he doesn't like that side of his family and how judgemental some of them are.
On Friday he asked me if I would go with him and his family to his cousin's wedding as his date and meet the rest of his family. I told him I would have to think about it and the whole weekend I've thought about it but I'm still pretty conflicted. On one hand I really do care about and love him (yes I know everyone will say it's 'puppy love') and I do think we'll last, but on the other hand, I don't really know if I should meet them just yet because, again, we are 17 and this is his *entire* family and I also don't know how I feel about meeting people he speaks pretty lowly of, especially if they're extremely judgmental. Since the wedding is out of town he'll need an answer by tomorrow, but I still don't know.
Has anyone been in this situation before or can anyone offer any helpful advice or insight? It would all be appreciated. | Boyfriend asked me to go to a family wedding with him and meet his entire extended family, but I'm really conflicted on the issue because he speaks pretty badly of them and we are just 17. |
t3_14w0ca | relationships | After a little over a year with my girlfriend (21) I (22) am starting to have tons of urges I feel really guilty about. | So I've been with my girlfriend a little over a year now, I love her a lot, ever since I was younger I always wanted to be that family man with a cool job and a family and a house, but now that I've found the girl to help me. I've suddenly started having SO many urges for other girls, for just leaving and moving to another city, just ending it and doing my own thing, even though I know in the end it's not what I will want. I just want that now. Is this normal? Or am I being weird? Should I just stick it out and it will go away or something? I feel horrible that I'm hiding these feelings. | Having urges to leave girlfriend and fuck around and be on my own, though I know I want to settle down and be office/family guy. I feel really guilty. |
t3_2pfohf | relationships | Me (24m) with my ex (23f), broken up for 5 months, want to touch base with her again, not sure how to approach it | For the first 3 months of our breakup, I was constantly trying to win her back any way I can and probably came across exceptionally needy and desperate. During this time, she would string me along with false hope and occasional sexual meetups. It was the hardest time in my life as I went from living with her, to living by myself and having to deal with the instant level of lonliness bought on by it.
In the 2 months that followed, things calmed down slightly, we spoke occasionally and spent a weekend together where I thought we were actually getting back together. That was a month and a half ago. Since then, we haven't seen each other and have spoken a couple of times where she would tell me how amazing her new life is or talk about this new guy she's seeing and enquire about my love life. She made a habit of txting me once a week to brag about her new life until I stopped replying as it was hurting to hear about her new life while I'm still in love with her.
I haven't heard from my ex in 3 weeeks (which is the longest period of time we haven't spoken), and I miss her a hell of a lot. She txted me 'hey' a week ago, which I ignored. I've been trying to move on because of her initial refusal to give us another shot but since things have cooled down and I'm no longer emailing her daily asking for her back, I'm wondering where she is at. I'm worried though, as she has been relatively cold towards me since we broke up and I'm scared that given the oppertunity, she will shut me down harshly.
I want to contact her again and see if she wants to give us another shot. Any advice on how to approach this? I want to protect myself from possible harsh rejection or being flat out told that she has a new bf or is in love again or whatever. I just want to put it out there that I'd be willing to forget all the bullshit and give us another chance if she wants. | Been broken up with my ex for 4 months, want to contact her again to see if she wants to give us another shot. |
t3_3zbwnz | relationships | My family member [52F] found out that her husband [38M](for 5 years, they have been together for 10 years) have been with a colleague [21F] for 8 months | Let's call the wife Alex, her husband is Joe and the young girl Kate.
Kate and Joe were mainly talking on the phone and texting each other, and they only kissed once according to the guy, so there was no sex. But he said that Kate was interesting and he liked that a younger girl finds him attractive. He promised that he will stop, and will make it up for Alex.
My family member Alex is obviously devastated, and even though she kicked him out for now, she is not sure what would be the right decision. Joe said that he loves Alex and the young girl don't mean anything, but Alex knows that he might do this again if they stay together, and she will be jealous from now on.
Also Alex is afraid that if they divorce she would stay alone because of her age. | Husband has been texting and flirting with young girl for months, they kissed once. Wife doesn't want to stay alone, but she is not sure if the guy can change. |
t3_3csle9 | Advice | I called a girl a bitch who might have cancer. | Been seeing this girl for about 3 months, we were using the terms bf/gf. she says she just wants to be friends. i was upset and pleaded for her to change her mind, looking like a pussy. she says no. we dont talk for 2 weeks. finally I call her with the intention of being nice and telling her she could get a couple things I still had. she doesnt answer. next morning partly due to the fact that i didnt talk to a friend about it, partly my just stupid insecurities about myself decide to text her and tell her along the lines of "you're a bitch and your friends all think that". she tells me I'm an asshole and i can throw the shit away. my rage progresses. this is all over texts. she then mentions in a text that this doesnt matter and she has much more important things in life, she said she just walked about of a biopsy to see if she has cancer. now, over the last months she had been losing weight and saying things like "theres something really wrong with me". doesnt sound like bs when I think about it. however, i did not think about it. my respons was something like "you dont want me in your life, deal with it. now she has blocked my number and all forms of communication, and i dont blame her. within minutes i realized that this was possibly the biggest fuck up of my life. the last few days i've been crying and depressed, mostly just because i treated someone i care about so bady; also because I have no clue whats going on with her health and its eating away at me. the only thing i could think was to go return her stuff with a letter that said sorry. she didnt answer the door so i just left it there. at this point i feel like i need to just leave her alone but at the same time cant imagine her suffering and alone when i could at least try to tell her i still care about her as a person, even if we cant be together. | told a girl who i care about that might have cancer that she is a bitch and can deal with it on her own. didnt mean it and i feel like shit. |
t3_1zvvxp | Advice | Can someone explain this to me? | When I was a kid(8-9 years old) I went through a phase where I felt guilty about the *tiniest* things. For example, I accidentally, while at golf camp, hit this kids ball while I was trying to putt my ball into the hole. It wasn't a big deal at all, but I had to hear from him that he forgave me for whatever reason. This sort of became a habit. I would do something that, in hindsight, would warrant no logical reason to ask for forgiveness, yet I needed it in order to feel better. I would constantly ask people if they would forgive me for the most minor of infractions.
I'm not sure if this was a form of OCD or not, as I'm pretty sure I did suffer from OCD around that age and a little bit later on as well (10-11), though I was never officially diagnosed. An example of my OCD tendencies was that I had to put one foot into a doorway three times every time I left my bedroom, or something bad would happen. Silly I know.
My parents got divorced when I was five, and we moved three times in total up until I was 11. My father also moved a lot as well, in fact he moved out of state.
Sorry for the lengthy introduction, but my question is, what led to my OCD, and more specifically, why did I seek forgiveness for the silliest of things? | Did I have OCD because of my parents and/or other factors? What could be the cause of my OCD in childhood? |
t3_2zl556 | tifu | tifu... ...by leaving a communal iPad open... | This happened about 5 hours ago.
I'm a long time lurker but first time poster and generally love reading the TIFUs hoping nothing like that ever comes my way.
I'm on holiday in Dubai and my missus and I were about to have a spa treatment together, a massage, in a couple suite. We're taken through separately to get changed and because we're really have to wait in our own relaxation rooms for our therapists.
I was reading TIFU in our room before we went down to the spa and saw a couple of interesting articles; I recall and
So when I spy an iPad, I can't resist taking a look and catching up. Now, usually, I scan the front page and open new tabs for the stories I like the look of. So I do just that and open a few tabs...
I've opened 4 or 5 and this is where the TIFU happens. I'm called to my appointment by my therapist who takes the iPad from me. I don't have time to close out all the tabs or even shut Safari. Leaving an iPad loaded with questionable material in an otherwise strictly religious country (I know, not the worst when it comes to strict but strict nonetheless!) | browsed TIFU on a communal iPad, left it open in a strictly (compared to the UK) religious country! |
t3_20s8ph | Advice | [Long] About to graduate college, conflicted by wants and needs. | I am about to graduate college this May, and instead of being excited about moving out of my college town, finding a job in my career field, and building my resume towards a decent job, I feel like I am now stuck on a ladder I don't want to climb. I have lost my direction, my motivation, my goals, and I have no clear career path. I am nearly $80k in debt from loans, and there is no way I could drag this debt out any farther by simply changing my major or going to graduate school for something I enjoy (and I don't even know what I enjoy at this point.)
I have a great deal of pressure from my family. I am a first generation college student, and both of my parents have the mentality that anyone who goes to college is guaranteed a well paying and respectable job, and my mother routinely bad mouths and mocks my fellow classmates who settled for 'average' jobs after graduation (such as vet tech, petco, nannying ect.) and says things like "I don't understand why anyone would waste their time in college just to end up working at blah blah blah.
I feel myself in the grips of a panic attack whenever she says things like this, because soon enough, that's going to be me.
There is one thing in my life that I found that does make sense, and that is my University's Martial Arts club. I am a green belt in Taekwondo, and I can continue to be a member of the club after I graduate. I became involved with the club my final year of school due to the fact that 1.5 years ago I was 100lbs heavier. I feel like I owe it to myself to stay in my college town for another couple years to complete my blackbelt, because that IS one dream I do have. But by that time, I will be 26 or 27 years old and still no closer to 'being an adult,' and in the end, what really matters more? Getting what I want or getting what I need?
I just want to be happy... | Hate my degree, pressure from family to find good job, would rather avoid growing up by not moving away from college town and finishing my blackbelt Taekwondo. |
t3_3mtiog | relationship_advice | 21M wanting insight into, how to deal with 20F having to kiss another guy. | This relationship has been moving at a million miles an hour since the moment we met face to face ( we met on tinder , talked for 2 months , met up and after 3 weeks all the big milestones which ussually takes months are behind us, can't say whether thats good or bad at this point!) 2 weeks offical now. I was in a 3 year relationship , 5 months ago so I do have a understanding of what I'm doing just as a reference.
Anyway my gf is a actress , but for afew different reasons she hasn't auditioned for plays or shows for the last 6 months and decided to audition for one last week and got a double lead part! (Playing 1 lead mainly, and for 2 shows is playing a bigger lead, the 2 biggest female characters in the play.) Now I am so excited and happy for her genuinely, buuuut she has to kiss another guy in the play as part of her 2 shows as the main main female charcter (she gets married).
So currently I'm okay with it, but I know each day that goes by it's going to eat away at me and when I watch it will probably not be good. I don't want it to effect our relationship because I am acting out ect and I'm not worried at all that she'll leave me for this other guy because currently she is more concerned about kissing another guy then I am.
Question is: Have any of you had a situation where your SO was ment to (allowed) to kiss (or more) another person and you had to accept it, how did you accept it? Or any advise on how I should accept it becuase once they start practising kissing I feel I'll instantly be off with her , no matter how hard I try. | GF has to kiss another guy for play she is in, how can i best deal with not getting jealous, acting out or ruining the relationship over it plus keep myself sane in the process! |
t3_22q50e | Parenting | kids + fizz + teeth | Hi,
I'm stuck trying to work out a suitable balance for my kids in terms of sweets, fizzy drinks and dental hygiene and would appreciate some thoughts from /r/parenting.
My 8yo son needs a few fillings in his back teeth, and it's going to be an utter nightmare getting him to have the work done as he's a very anxious and easily bothered kid. This is part of the reason that he had only been to the dentist once before when the dentist scared him so much he would fight to avoid even going near the chair for a check up. last year I noticed that his back teeth were really not looking good, much dirtier than his others etc. This was over a year after I split with my kids mother, and had been parenting in our own ways, but we'd still been living together with the kids for a good couple of years after the fateful dentist visit.
Since discovering the decay, his mother has stopped letting my kids have any juice or fizz ever, just water and milk. And says I must do the same. Also says that I must brush my sons teeth for him, after he does it himself. Essentially she blames me for the wholes the Dentist recently found in his teeth. To me, whilst obviously it's healthier to remove sweet things, good routine teeth cleaning will really cover up all these issues, and eating meals with fruit juice surely won't leave juice as a risk to teeth given everything else that's also in the mix. My new partner says that the blame should really be on my son, he needs to brush his teeth properly or accept the consequences, and that it's a really bad idea to be brushing his teeth for him.
Any thoughts on my situation? I like letting them have nice snacks and drinks once in a while (absolutely not loads), and given they're spending most of their time with their mother, does it really seem fair for her to say that *I* and the cause for holes in his teeth?? She is, of course, perfect in her own mind, and hasn't suggested any responsibility on my son either. Her "solution" seems very harsh and a huge over reaction to me. | My son is bad at brushing his teeth, and he likes fruit juice. Ex-wife blames me for his cavities. |
t3_2d9gr2 | relationships | I [21M] just broke up with my first SO [21F] of 2 years, but I don't know if it was the right decision. | She and I are (were?) best friends. We could talk about everything and anything, we spent all our time together, we loved each other unconditionally. We went into first year of University together... Unfortunately, she isn't very good at meeting people, so I introduced her to my friends. Now we have almost identical social circles.
Because of this, as time passed I felt I was seeing her too much. She gave me the space I needed, which worked for a while (she travels for work). Recently, even without seeing her for up to three weeks at a time I still felt like I didn't want to be around her.
Over the past few weeks I've been considering breaking up with her. The only problem was, I knew I still loved her deeply, despite not wanting to be around her as much. This confused me, so I didn't know if I wanted to go through with it.
I stopped telling her I loved her, which she obviously noticed. This morning she asked me why, and I (stupidly) told her not to ask me that question. After she spent some time crying she asked me again, so I said that "I didn't think it was fair to tell someone you love them when you don't know if you want to be with them". After some more tears and talk, she begged for a break instead of a breakup. I said it was unfair to have her wait for me to decide if I wanted to come back, so in stubborness I broke up with her instead.
I felt relieved, but now feel extreme regret, sadness, and shame. She texted me a few times askiing me to explain, and I don't know what to say. I also find myself wanting to be "on a break" instead of broken up, but I feel like that might make it worse when we do fully break up. I just have no clue if breaking up was the right decision. | I stopped missing my girlfriend when she travels, so instead of "taking a break", I broke up with her. I don't know if it was the right decision because I still love her. I need advice on what to do. |
t3_1ljmsl | relationships | I [23/M] need advice on keeping friendship with ex[21/F] | I recently moved away, to attend college, from a town where my ex girlfriend attends college. We went out for two years, and both decided that long distance doesn't really work especially since it is quite far. However we want to stay friends as we are best friends, and we just started talking about hooking up with other people.
I still want to talk to her and share what happens throughout my week or if something exciting happens. However it is hard for me to think about her hooking up with other guys.
Should we maybe give a break on talking to each other since we did it everyday and when I get over it tell her I am ready to be friends? | moved away from girlfriend, we both want to be friends. hard to think about her hooking up with someone else, should I wait a week or two to get over that and then continue to talk to her? |
t3_2yclzm | relationship_advice | I'm not sure if this boundary is uncrossable | I have this friend that I have been friends with for a while. He started dating this girl in high school, and they have been dating ever since. Since I was his friend, I spent a lot of time with her as well. Then about a year into their relationship, when me and her had became fairly close friends, I started to realize that I had feelings for her. I stopped wanting to hang out with them because I wanted to hang out with my friend, and wanted to go because she would be there. I kept telling myself I had to let it go because they seemed like they were going to be together for a long time to come, but I couldn't let it go. I could be myself around her. She enjoyed my company. That was something that I had never experienced with another girl. Anyway, recently they broke up. Me and her haven't spent much time together since. That's where I see a problem. I want to spend time with her. I want to ask her on a date. But I don't know if I can... I don't want to destroy what me and my friend have in the process. I understand that it is not good to start a relationship with a friend's ex, but I really need this. I feel like he has moved on, to a degree. | I have romantic feelings for the girl my best friend was just in a relationship with. They broke up. I don't know if I should pursue a relationship with her even though I really want to. |
t3_4ocirs | relationships | Me [30F] wants to get over colleague [40M] and needs help, advice, and encouragement | Colleague confessed love and proposed to me 3 times, including wanting me to meet his parents, have his kids and all, when drunk. I like him back and told him so. The complication - he's in the middle of a divorce and is sleeping with another girl in a different department. He also says that sex is just one component. I don't know what he means by that.
Sober, he says he's over his head with his divorce and getting his assets together and that he can't start anything. He says that he's not happy with her and they fight but she's also been good and kind to him and that they are friends. He also admitted what he said when drunk was mostly true but shouldn't have been said at that time. I don't know what to think about that too.
Anyway I've felt like I can't sit he re and watch them have a secret relationship as it kills me. I went away for a while and came back feeling better but feelings rush back when I saw him.
I tried to be happy but only outwardly. He's not sharing anymore of his life with me anymore since we've had our sober talk (4 days?), and I miss it so much and feel so awkward. I tried to shrug it off but I saw him pick her up today and I felt so sad.
I don't know what to think of this mess. On one hand, I really miss the friendship, on the other hand pretending to be happy like that and go around work happy is killing me inside. I don't think that I should be under any illusions that anything positive is going to come out of it, but my heart hopes.
I think I should cut off contact with him. Reading some of the posts here, I felt like maybe I'm wrong to cut off everything as it seems like some people here felt like they have been cheated by someone pretending to be a friend who actually has vested interest. So I don't know if I should?
If I do want to cut off contact, how should I do it? We work together and even sit opposite each other. I can't not see or talk to him. We already stopped texting and use no social media. | Colleague and I have feelings for each other but I want to get over him. Please help with advice and encouragement as I have to see him at work |
t3_1bk0b0 | needadvice | I started my first job today but I'm in big trouble | I've never managed to land myself a job before, never even an interview. After I got my degree even the simplest of retail employers weren't interested. So I went back to school and got my masters, thinking it would provide better opportunities but it only produced another mountain of debt.
I decided to move away from the depressive place I was in, to a new city where one of my oldest friends lives. As luck would have it there was a job opening at his work doing general IT stuff and a bit of programming. When he asked for my resume to give to his boss I didn't know what to do as there was barely anything to put on it apart from my degrees, so I embellished it. Nothing outrageous, just a telesales job, a bar and a day care centre. I just wanted to be given a chance at an interview.
The I actually got the interview! And with all the interview techniques I had read, it went ok. When the guy wanted to see if I could do what was required he was impressed and gave me the job!
But that all came crashing down on my first day today. He asked me to provide email references from previous employers. I have none and I don't know what to say to him when I go to work in 7 hours.
I now regret being deceitful on my resume, but I had become so desperate.
I've considered setting up an email domain relevant to my previous jobs but I don't have the money (flat broke) or enough time. Please help if you know any way I could fix this. | After many years I got my first job, with real skills but a false resume. On first day my new boss asks me for references but I have none. |
t3_1v5i8l | relationships | Me 24F with my boyfriend 24M of seven months, am I right to be offended by this? | My boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for seven months, and we see each other every week. I found out he recently bought a fleshlight that comes with a usb that he plugs into his laptop, which makes it look like he is having sex with the pornstar. It adjust to his speed and everything. I understand that he has needs, but am I right to be kind of offended by this? I feel like he shouldn't need something like that is he has a girlfriend. When I ask if there's anything he wants to try different in bed he never says anything so its not like I'm a prude. He doesn't know that I know. | boyfriend has sex toy that makes it seem like he's having sex with a pornstar, am I overreacting to be hurt by this? |
t3_416vbs | relationships | My[19M] roommates[18F, 21F] don't think it's any of my business how many people stay in their room | I'm going to keep this short because my story isn't dramatic, but I desperately want an outside opinion.
The first roommate (18) decided she wanted her sister to stay in the apartment about 8 months ago. She gave me 1 day warning, I had no say in it, and her sister stayed for 4 months. The first roommate, second roommate, and sister shared their half of the rent. I have my own room.
Then, after her sister moved out, the first roommate had her friend live with her for a couple months, again without my say. When I brought it to her attention, she said that it's none of my business who stays in their room. "You have your own room."
Now, after the first roommate moved out, the second roommate has her boyfriend living with us in her room. He is unemployed, so he stays in the room all day while my roommate is at work. I consider that living with us. He smokes here (apartment is no-smoking, he sits outside the front door when he smokes, which is 4 or more times a day, and the entire house smells like shit because of it), he showers here, he shits here, he eats here. He lives with us. My rent again has stayed the same. When I asked her if he would split the utilities with us, she said that that's ridiculous. He's been here for about 2 months.
Both roommates now have said that it's none of my business because I have my own room. Well these long-time guests are in the living room, sitting in their room, using the stove, using the shower. When I would otherwise be alone in the apartment, these guests are here with me.
I asked her now to pay me back for the utilities in a professional way, and when I asked her if Drew wanted to split it too, she got very mad. She found it ridiculous that I was even bothered by him being here at all. **I do not understand what isn't reasonable about this. | is it not my business who lives in my apartment? It's a shared living space. And it's non-smoking. |
t3_3k73sb | relationships | Is it possible to stay friends with a girl you told you had strong feelings for? | I (21M) developed strong feelings for my friend (22 F) earlier in the summer. In late July, I finally told her how I felt and I got rejected. She said we could still be friends, but now she treats me like a ghost on social media and won't talk to me. It's been this way since I told her. We see each other at mutual gatherings still but she is moving soon for her new job. She didn't tell me even though she could have and probably would've if I had never expressed my feelings.
I'm now over her romantically and miss her as a friend, but she still won't talk me. There have been prime opportunities for her to talk to me, but she doesn't. Is there hope for us to be friends again or is that friendship forever dead, even after getting over her? Any advice is appreciated. | Told my friend I had feelings for her and got shot down. Won't talk to me now, even though it's been over a month and I'm over her. Can we be friends again? |
t3_1tp5ko | relationships | Me [24 F] with this guy [26 M] 2 years....together, as best we can be. | Morpheus (pseudonym) and I first met two years ago. We met at a bar for a mutual friend's birthday. We had sex the first night we met and then hung out and had sex at least once every day for three straight months. Needless to say, I was smitten
But he had to move incredibly far away and I had to go to grad school. We still talked, but I dated, and he even got somewhat serious with another lady. But we talked all through all of these people, all of the ups and downs. I just saw him again for the first time in a year two days ago- and it was like no time had gone by and we were back together and everything felt so...comfortable.
I do like dating (and I date quite a bit), but he really is the only guy I could actually see myself with. I really don't know if I could do a long distance thing though, and I really don't know if he could (he is SUPER affectionate and sweet and really doesn't like being single).
So here I am, a little lost and sad. But I actually have become more and more determined that I will probably locate to Morpheus' city after grad school. But this makes me concerned, as I see relocating as a HUGE sign of commitment and is a big big risk. But I do know him so well.
Question to you all: Would it be naive to relocate to his city (Denver) after graduating. | Have known this guy for two years, every time we see each other, its like we have been together for that whole time. Don't know whether I should plan my life around him now, or something. |
t3_2wkv1c | relationships | I have a friend [21 F] who has issues finding the right guy | I love my friend [21 F] to death, but there comes a point when certain things just frustrate me to no end, so I guess I will vent here. We will call her Rose.
Rose has a habit of listening to every sweet little nothing that is whispered in her ear, and every promise that is laid on her plate. She has dated men much older (32) than her and they still end up giving false promises.
I tell her not to heed too quickly into their sweet words. I tell her not to sleep with them too soon. She will wait a few months, then sleep with them, and they will leave after getting what they want.
It's extremely frustrating.
PLUS, Rose has a habit of NEEDING to surround herself with people or she isn't happy at all. She falls into this huge depression.
My personality is completely different. I am much happier by myself or just in the presence of my few friends or boyfriend. I don't need a million people surrounding me. I don't need to be at a club, I don't need to be drinking. This seems to be her thing now.
She's not even a drinker, for god sakes.
I don't know what to do with her anymore. Nothing gets through. She has moments of clarity and says she needs to cut bad people out of her life, then there she goes again later on adding tons more people into her life, that end up only hurting her.
Any advice for my stubborn friend that I haven't thought of? | [21 F] friend gets herself into trouble with friends and boyfriends because she's too trusting and needs too much. Any advice on how to get through to her? |
t3_2vxc2a | loseit | A little advice for those just starting their journey | I decided for the third time that I was going to loose weight just after my birthday last October; I had never realised why I had failed the previous times and then I realised baby steps are the key to success! You can't run before you can walk right? Take small steps- cut out the fizzy drinks, or try to reduce sugar intake, for me it was weighing out my breakfast as I was eating very large portions for breakfast. Remember that we are trying to build new, better habits for the rest of our lives. Having something like my fitness pal to help you keep track of your daily intake of calories is also going to help with improving your habits. | Take small steps to improve yourself, and remember that big steps don't climb mountains, but all of the combined small steps do. |
t3_12zhbv | relationships | How do I [F22] approach my bf's [M22] condescending tone? | My boyfriend (let's call him Ed) [M22] and I have been dating for almost 6 months, and I've began to notice that he is rather condescending when speaking to others, and to me as well, to the point that I [F21] sometimes just end up not wanting to say anything more than superficialities (I'm rather self-conscious, and I generally don't say anything if there is a chance of embarrassing myself) when we're together. I didn't notice this problem before, but it's creeped up on me slowly, and it's come out that other people around him have noticed too, and some of his classmates (who I often talk to), hesitate to ask him for help because of his tone. For example, once, when I was describing a task I was given during an internship, he said "so?" and then started talking about his cousin, who worked for a big corporation in a similar field.
I've spoken to Ed about it before, and though he's willing to work on it, it's an uphill battle, because it seems that his condescension is unintentional and unchecked by anyone else, partially because he really is quite good at what he does. What can I do, besides call him out on it? I don't want to be the pushy girlfriend, but it's really getting on my nerves. What are some good strategies to help him realize his problem on his own, and to change it? We are planning to have a "srs bsns" talk about it soon, and since we don't always have a lot of time to meet up face-to-face, I want to go armed with some solutions instead of just generic complaints. | BF is sometimes really smug, making it unpleasant for me. What can I do to make it better for both of us? |
t3_49gw29 | relationships | I [34 M] have been dating a new girl [28 F] for a few weeks, and I feel like she has a very troubled past but not sure how to approach it. | So brief backstory: A few months ago I met this girl at a local bar where I go to get a quick bite to eat and a beer after work once or twice a week. I moved here not too long ago after my fiancé broke off our engagement and I don't really know anyone in the area or have any friends close by.
We were friendly and would say hi and chat when we were both there at the same time. Nothing too deep just friendly. Maybe a little over a month ago she was very drunk when I saw her one night. She came on real strong, which works on me, and we started hanging out and then sleeping together on a semi regular basis.
Turns out she has been through some serious shit. Abuse--and not like being treated bad-- like broken bones. She lost a child at one point (unrelated to the physical abuse). And I suspect she might have had a problem with opiates at some point. She drinks more than I realized (and more than I am really comfortable with) but I get why she is doing it. Most of the things she has told me about have been when she's drunk and I am not 100% sure she even remembers telling me all of them.
I want to get to know her better but I don't know how to approach her about:
A. Her past
B. Her drinking
Any thoughts or related stories are welcome. I'm not really used to being in a situation like this. I suppose we all have our problems but I can't say I have much experience with anyone who has been through as much shit as this girl.
The last thing I would want to do is hurt her but I don't know if I really want to continue seeing her if she is going to be as self destructive as she seems to be. I also don't feel like I have any right to tell her how to live her life after hanging out for a month or so. | Met a girl, started hanging out, turns out she has a fucked up past and drinks way more than i realized, not sure how to proceed. |
t3_3ek7iy | offmychest | Not posting on r/relationships because I don't want relationship advice.. just gotta say stuff | My boyfriend started a new job two weeks ago and of course I'm delighted for him but at the same time I worry it's going to affect us long term. I work Mon-Fri but he can work any day depending on his roster. We also don't live together at the moment we're trying to save up for it. The thing is I don't really have any friends besides him and the friends I made through him but they're only guys. I don't actually have any girl friends. With our work schedules so out of sync his weekend could be on a Tuesday and Wednesday and he'll want to go out those nights because he's not working. I have nobody to go out with on the weekends if he's not around because I'm not just going to go out with his guy friends when he's at work. But it's not just that, he could start work at 5 in the morning or he could finish at one in the morning as well depending on his shift. So there leaves very little time for us. We see each other a lot already and practically live together but we don't have our own place. I'm just worried he won't make time for me because his work schedule can be so all over the place and when he's not working he'll prefer to go out but I won't be able to cause of my job. I don't want to be in a relationship where you see the person once every week or two if you're lucky. I already was in one and it was shit. Maybe if we moved in together it would work out fine but that's still months away. I don't know what to do and I know I'm probably being selfish which is why I'm posting here and not telling him because the last thing I want is to fight with him over this. I'm just not sure what to do. | bf got new job, our schedules out of sync and rarely see each other already, worried about longterm and not sure what to do |
t3_nns7h | relationships | Need some morality advice... | First off, I'm a junior in high school, and my girlfriend is a senior in high school. My girlfriend is very shy around people she doesn't know, and it took a while for me to actually be able to get to know her (We met through a mutual friend, and it took us 4 months before we actually started having a conversation from time to time.)
We've been dating for about 5 months, and in that time I've noticed she has a rather low self esteem. I try to compliment her every opportunity I get, trying to cure her of this. (Obviously I know low self esteem isn't a disease, but you should be able to understand what I mean.) We've discussed sex, and she has decided that she does want to have sex with me at some point in the near future, however, all we've done so far is mutual heavy petting.
I like her a lot, and insofar as I know what love is at my age, I love her. But...I'm thinking about breaking up with her when she goes off to college. I have heard no good things about long distance relationships, and I think she'll have more fun in college without constantly thinking of me.
This is where my dilemma lies. I want to have sex with her obviously (teenage boy here) however, I feel like it's wrong of me to take her virginity, when I'm already thinking about breaking up with her. I don't want to break up with her because I don't like some part of her, I enjoy spending time around her, I like her family, I like her looks, etc. When I was kind of hesitant about discussing sex with her one time, she asked if I didn't want to have sex with her, and I think her low self esteem was creeping into the conversation. I assured her that I do want to have sex with her, and left it at that. | I'm thinking about breaking up with my virgin girlfriend in about 7 months. Is it wrong for me to have sex with her? |
t3_2wh6mi | relationships | My (F/39) bf's (M/53) daughter (F/20) is a complete "Daddy's Girl" with an Electra Complex. 9 months | I'm pushing 40 and here I am complaining on the internet. My only defense is that this situation is completely unique to me and I don't know what, if anything, I can do.
Let's call my bf Darren. As you can see we are 14 years apart but he has aged very, very well and taken care of himself. We've known each other for roughly a year and have been seriously dating for 9 months.
Things have been going great with the exception of one thing. He has a 20 year-old daughter living in his house. Let's call her Kate. Kate doesn't work a job. Kate isn't going to college. Kate isn't doing *anything* as far as I can tell, except shopping, playing video games and being a housewife for her father. She cooks, cleans, and waits on her father, and in return he spoils her. Nice car, expensive clothes, whatever she wants.
What makes it worse is that Kate isn't irresponsible/mean/exploitive to her father. She adores him, and he adores her. She is extremely obedient to him; we've been on dates and she frequently calls to tell him where she is or ASK to go out with friends like she is 13.
At this point it may come as no surprise to you, but I am not her favorite person. She is decent to me when he is around, but when he is not... it's a different story. It's obvious to me that she does NOT like the fact that I'm in his life.
I've explained this to Darren and he defends her: "Oh, she is just very attached to me as her mother was cruel to her" or "She is just a child, I didn't know what I wanted to do at 20 either".
Has anyone ever heard of/been in a situation like this? I'm starting to think that I'm wasting my time, and that they have each other wrapped around their little finger. | Bf's daughter is living with him and is starting to become a serious road-block to moving our relationship forward. I don't know what to make of this. |
t3_29473i | relationships | Boyfriends [25M] anger scares me [20F]... | My boyfriend of one year just got angry due to me telling my family about some of our issues in our relationship. I'm really close to my mother and I tell her almost everything. He was unfaithful and I told her...if he didn't want to ruin his "good" reputation he shouldn't have done it. After I told him that, he found something else to get angry about. He got mad about my exes and my past before him and small silly things that was so random to bring up!
Now he has gone on a drive to calm his anger down??? He has done this before over small things, he has punched things, yelled at me although he said he never would. He apologized A LOT about yelling at me and then the next day yelled at me again. He's never swore at me or anything like that. He just gets a really controlling behavior over small things that he doesn't like, like a guy that is friends on my facebook or not giving him a password for one of my accounts.
I've never cheated, but he has caught me in a few lies that I did to stop him from grouching at me and critcize everything I was doing, when all I was doing was hanging with my friends (all are girls). What is funny is that he grouches at me for things, then goes out without telling me with groups of guys and girls. That has been RIGHT after him grouching at me for not telling him about one friend that was there.
He has hidden many things from me, flirted with another girl for 3 months, went out all the time while telling me he was sleeping, and lied about small things. I really don't understand his anger, I'm trying to make this relationship work but sometimes he gets mad over such small silly things. He has such a temper...is it normal for guys to go out on a drive due to anger? I worry about my safety or future satisfication in our relationship as I know it can only get worse. I always feel like I'm doing wrong, and he always justifies his anger is due to my bad actions. I don't want to be in an abusive relationship... What's your opinion of all this behavior? | Controlling angry boyfriend gets mad about small things, hits walls, yells at me, then justifies it as my fault. What's your opinion on his behavior? I don't want to be in an abusive relationship. |
t3_2wyc6h | relationships | My [23/M] girlfriend [23/F] told me someone flirted with her at a work outing, then told me a little white lie? | Hey guys,
Today my girlfriend came home (we're also roommates) and everything seemed normal until dinner. At dinner she told me casually how one of her new coworkers started flirting with her and asked for her number but she told me she didn't give it to him. Then she said that he followed her on Twitter, and she told me that she did not follow him back.
I didn't think too much of it, but when I turned on our tablet, it was on her Twitter. I know this is pretty untrustworthy of me, but I went to her Followers tab and found the coworker. Then I went to her Following tab and found the coworker there as well.
I haven't asked her about it, because normally I don't snoop and I feel really bad for doing it. Am I overthinking this? Is this just a little white lie that she told so I wouldn't get jealous?
Our relationship has been good for the past 2 years. We've never cheated on each other and we care about each other a lot. | girlfriend's coworker followed her on twitter, she said she didn't follow back, I find out she did. What to do? |
t3_3r8q4q | tifu | TIFU by driving on a helipad | The backstory to this is that my dad is in the army. So him and his family members have access to health care at the military hospital. I went in to get my wisdom teeth removed and it was very early in the morning (my official excuse). at a roundabout inside the gates there's a small path, with the roadblocks moved to the side, that leads to the helipad.
I took that path thinking it was the turn to the dental clinic. All of a sudden, I see a big H painted on the pavement. I thought "huh.. weird.. why would they paint Hospital on the pavement since everyone knows where they are?" (I might not be the brightest).
I proceeded to find a windsock and it's starting at me right in the face. Before I could make a turn I saw a patrol car behind me. They escorted me off the helipad and then took me in for questioning. Every officer there had a good laugh at how stupid I was and let me go. | I took the wrong turn and ended up on a helipad to have military officers questioning me and then laugh at me. |
t3_3ydvr1 | tifu | TIFU by thinking I passed psychology | It's 5AM (EST) and I'm freaking out about this.
Let me give you some background: For my Fall semester I took Psychology. It was okay, because my professor was chill, but weird (not gonna go in depth about that, it's boring). Anyways, I thought it was an easy A class because on Blackboard it would tell me that my grade for every assignment, and the overall. For those of you who doesn't know what Blackboard is: it's not the actually blackboard, it's a website that [some?] universities uses for students to submit assignments and whatnot.
Here's my fuck up: It's winter break. Nothing to worry about. Passed my class with an A (or which I thought) and I passed everything else just fine. But tonight something told me to check my grade on my university's website. So I did. *A fucking D." How???? No fucking clue. *Error maybe?* Yeah, it has to be it. So I checked Blackboard, but it says: 2,997.67/3,220.
The math: 2,997.67/3,220=0.9309... 0.9309...*100=93.09 It's an A-.
I checked the syllabus: the grades were weighted (e.g. classwork: 10%, exams: 20%, etc.). *This whole time I bullshitted my psychology class thinking I was making an easy A.* Now, I'm not sure if something can be fixed because on blackboard it was telling me a different grade, who knows. I won't know anything until winter break is over, or who to talk to. | Thought I passed my psychology class, turns out I fucked up and failed, because I didn't read the syllabus. |
t3_11c9uo | AskReddit | Does anyone know ways to cheat Via-rail's system? | So I want to split the purchase of a Via-rail pass but as far as I know they tell you that they're non-transferable. I want to split the cost between my friend and I (I live in Kingston Ontario and he lives in London Ontario) because all that you're really purchasing is a passcode you use to make reservations. The catch is that the passcode is registered under one name, so between a guy and a girl... anyone know how cheatable their system is and whether or not it would be a good idea to try and share the pass? | Does anyone know if you can somehow share a via-rail pass (between a guy and a girl with very distinct male and female names) even though it is registered under one name. |
t3_456djm | relationship_advice | [67/F] Girlfriend wants me [25/M] to be honest with my family and friends about our relationship | First off I'd like to say that I have always been attracted to older women. Typically women between 40-60. Because of this I've never been in an actual relationship before, nor am I very sexually experienced. At least that was the case 4 months ago. I've been dating a 67 (was 66 when we met) year old women for the past 4 months and it has been absolutely amazing. Our chemistry, both physically and emotionally is great. We're like two magnets, I feel like we're perfect for each other. But there is a huge issue.
I'm embarrassed. It's not that I'm embarrassed of her, it's her age that I am embarrassed about. I haven't told many people about my relationship with her and the ones who I have told I took 10 years off her real age. Now she knows this and I've been very open and honest with my feelings on this issue and so has she. She has had to be "hidden" in previous relationships because of disapproving kids of her late husband, so she really isn't fond of it. She wants me to be open and honest with my family and friends about her, but it's really hard for me.
I have a hard time with people judging me. I like to be accepted and I'm scared of rejection. I know this isn't a typical relationship and I know if I told co-workers and certain friends/ family I would be judged and possibly made fun of. A lot of people probably wouldn't understand and that really scares me.
But I'm in love with this woman and I don't want our relationship to end because of this. I'm so happy when I'm with her and she is the only person in the world I feel comfortable enough to be my complete self around. I think what we have is really special and I want to enjoy it for as long as possible. But it seems like if we don't figure it out that it will end because of this issue.
So my question is what do you think I should do? I need some advice/ guidance | Dating a 67 year old woman as a 25 year old man and am too embarrassed to be open and honest about it with friends and family. She has a problem with that and I need help with the situation. |
t3_2j55yb | relationships | I [26M] have been hanging out with a really super awesome girl [23F], but I really am just not that physically attracted to her and I don't know what to do. | So I met her a couple weeks ago and she is really freaking awesome, like she has so many qualities that I would dream about in a girl. We like a lot of the same stuff, and so far we are both into each other, at least as little bit. The "problem" that I am having now is that I am really not totally physically attracted to her like I have been with past girlfriends. This actually really bums me out, but I don't know how to change it! Part of me thinks this makes me shallow, but at the same time I don't know how to just make someone attractive to me overnight. Like, am I conditioned to find one type of person attractive, or is it something inherent in who I am? Can this be changed? I know physical appearance obviously isn't everything, but I think we can all agree that it is at least a little bit important. ANyone have advice? should I just keep going with it and maybe it will get better over time as I truly start to appreciate how great she is? I'm pretty lost right now. | Met a new girl recently who is really awesome, but I'm just not that physically attracted to her. Wondering if this can be changed. |
t3_3xmlr9 | relationships | My girlfriend (22F) always tells me(22M) to speak to her about everything and I really want to...But is it healthy?Is it fine to share my insecurities? | So I am together with this girl for 3-4 months and it feels that it is really strong and deep...
We understand each other a lot and like to talk about everything.
Lately I have been insecure a lot and I can't stop it.I can be insecure because she didn't like my facebook photo, I can be insecure that she didn't write me for more than 8 hours , I can be insecure that she is talking to someone on facebook that is a male or anything like that..I know it is stupid and I know that most of the times I am just imagining the problem and it is not really there...
She sees I am not feeling so good lately so she asks me to talk always.She thinks we should solve everything together because then it is easier.I told her that I 've become insecure but I am afraid to tell her more details even though I really want to....
I am afraid because I believe that if I show so much insecurity and weakness she will stop liking me or lose some attraction...because well , everyone like a confident man...I even tell her that and she replies that is not just a stupid animal...But I think it is human nature... | I am insecure, my girlfriend wants to talk about it and solve it together and I really want that as well... |
t3_4bnr9k | offmychest | Im afraid to convey emotions. | Laying here at 5:11 am and thinking as one does, My mind comes up with a theory. I don't convey emotions well. This has two parts.
Firstly: I don't see emotional signals. I have a hard time noticing when people are getting upset, although I am much better now then i used to be. If people are interested in me they practically have to hit me in the face with a chair to get my attention. I dont notice signals and as far as i know no one has ever shown interest in me before, Which is obviously wrong as i have friends and such.
Secondly: Ive always seen showing emotions as a sign of weakness. Im a man, Men dont cry, we get over it. that sort of mentality. Ive been the strong one when everyone else needed someone to be strong. I practically cant cry at all if it wasnt for being a huge soft touch that gets brought to tears by acts of heroism in cartoons of all things. Its the one time i let my guard down.
This has lead me to have difficulties getting my point across to passionate people. This combined with my anylitic mind makes me come off as uninterested or plain boring to others, or at least that's what my brain tells me.
The Analytic mind comes into it again when it comes to conversations. I say what i want to say in the most effective manner possible. This means im not great with small talk or making conversation as ive effectively blown my wad in the first sentence, After that im forced to wing it and i have trouble doing that. I plan what im going to say while the conversation is ongoing and wait for an opportunity to say my piece.
So we end up like this: I Have issues making conversations because im too brief and to the point off the bat, I can understand why people feel the way they do, but i cant convey that understanding in a way that seems helpful and sympathetic.
maybe i just don't have the right words in my vocabulary yet for what i want to say. I cant help but feel my life would have been different to this point if i wasn't afraid to say what i felt, instead of what is the most diplomatic answer that is applicable. | I need to show more emotion, and stop being such a robot to everyone. Im a person aren't I? |
t3_3d77cm | relationships | I [18 M] want to ask out a girl [18 F] out on a date, general tips needed. | I'm going to be a freshman going to college in a month or so, so I had my Freshman Orientation very recently. While there, I met a lot of people, including one girl in particular who drew my interest immediately.
So, over the course of the two day orientation, I tried to get to know her more, and I've pretty much decided in my head that she's the one for me. However, given my past with girls in general, I'm pretty scared of asking her out, which is the reason I came here.
I've never been one to easily express my emotions or feelings, so I usually keep them bottled up. Coupled with that is that out of the few times I actually try to ask out someone, they procede with either "I would, but..." or "I didn't mean to lead you on..." or something of the like, and I now find it very hard to try and even imagine trying to ask someone out on a date.
As for if there is any potential, I would imagine so. She tended to hang around me a lot, throw a lot of compliments my way, joke around, try to talk to me alot, etc., and I tried to do the same whenever I could (if this is flirting I wouldn't know...).
That being said, this time I want to try to ask her out. Having never had been in a relationship, I wanted to see if there's a particular thing that seems to work when asking someone out. Obviously "Be yourself" would be the natural answer, but if there's anything else that tends to work, I'll take it too.
We're moving in on the same day in about a month, a day before the campus-wide move in day, so I thought it would be the perfect time to ask her out, when there isn't a lot of people around and it's a more low-key, chill environment.
Not that it matters, but this is a throwaway account. I would die if my friends saw this..... | I'm nervous about asking a girl out who is going to be attending the same college as myself, looking for help/ideas for doing so. |
t3_1ji2nr | relationships | I (29/F)have an intense need for validation because of my disorder. Post multiple photos daily asking how ugly I am. husband does not Know. Need help so badly. | Okay so here goes.. I have this intense need for validation,I have a disorder and it makes me feel worthless and ugly. I'll never be "normal" and it pains me,I post photos constantly ,like 5-6 times a day asking variations of "am I ugly" " can you tell I have x disorder" Also I am mildly bulimic..fun times.
I hide that from him also. I have an amazing husband and I love him so much . I don't know how to bring this all up to him,I'm sure he sorta knows,he's on reddit a lot also. What do I do? How bad is my behaviour? Am I am awful wife? I just need some honest feed back on my looks,if needed I can PM pics | I post photos daily asking for validation because of my disorder my husband does not know this,know that I'm bulimic. |
t3_4e2c67 | Dogtraining | 8 Month Old Lab Pup Won't Stop Shredding Crate Bedding | I had purchased a nice memory foam bed in preparation for our puppy. Once she'd made good progress with house training, we introduced it to her crate so it would be softer for her at night than towels. She ripped a nice big hole in the side of it and made confetti of the foam shortly thereafter, so we threw it away and went back to towels, which she continued to dig at and rip with her teeth.
That was months ago. I just today tried introducing a new, more rug-like bed to her crate. I first supervised her with it this morning with the crate open, discouraging her when she dug and nipped at it and click-and-treat for sitting/laying on it nicely. That seemed to go well, so I crated her just long enough for me to take a shower. She'd ripped the edging off one side.
I just want her crate to be more comfortable for her, but of course she doesn't understand this... I don't want to leave the hard bottom of the crate bare, but I don't want to continue reinforcing the destructive behavior by giving her towels/beds.
I want her to eventually have a healthy relationship with soft things... What can we do about this? | Pup keeps destroying her bedding, but we don't want to leave her in a hard crate... Please help! |
t3_vcw2w | tifu | TIFU and went full blown batpoo stalker on lover/best-friend | I had gotten intimate with a best friend and wanted to date, she didn't because she had just gotten out of a bad relationship. This depressed me, (I thought if I was just better she'd want too) and I started to always think she was lying when she said she loved me or that she cared. One night I was up at an ungodly hour and sleep deprived, and thought it was a wonderful idea to send her 15+ texts saying exactly how much I thought she was replacing me with other friends, and ignoring me (she had been ignoring me and stepping up friendships with others). She got mad because it echoed her crazy abusive ex. So she ignored me like she always does when mad. This easily recognizable habit of hers was the spark I needed to realize who I was becoming and what I was doing to her. Apologized profusely and sincerely and tried my hardest to get in contact and talk things out. She still ignored me. Saw on her Facebook update that she was in a relationship with some random guy she had hardly known and was crushed. Decided in a fit of unparalleled stupidity to go see her in person. She wasn't home so I stood outside of an empty house 3+ hours, and sent 20+ texts and 10+ calls. In the end she broke trust (It's been an unspoken rule that what we say with each other goes no further AT ALL) and told her new friends how crazy I'd been asking them to make me go away. In the end I was so hurt I just decided f### her. Went home yelled at the walls. | Went crazy and stalker on best friend/lover over little problem. Tried to fix it, and ended up being even crazier. |
t3_1w6ccw | relationships | I, [17 F], want to know how to spark conversation with [16 M] when we've never spoken/been introduced. | For the longest time I've kept to myself and not allowed dating to turn into a relationship. Now, I've gotten more confidence in myself and I would like to try dating someone. My problem though, is that I have no idea how to introduce myself to someone I don't even know. There's a guy I have in mind; however, he is in the grade below me, we've never spoken, and we have no classes together. We have a mutual friend, but I'm not on good terms with that friend at the moment.
I don't know how to introduce myself to this guy and I never am the one to make a first move so I am completely clueless about this. | There's a guy I'm interested in, but we've never spoken. How can I go about sparking a conversation with him? |
t3_2e6qnu | relationships | Me [20M] Not sure if I'm falling into a [21F] crush's trap | I've been talking to this girl a lot, and I found out she broke up with her ex boyfriend a few months ago. They're still talking and hanging out, but she said she's no longer going to stick around for him because he's confused on what he wants.
The thing is, she talks to me a lot, which I suspect she normally doesn't with a lot of other guys. She might like me, and I like her. But
I feel like I might just be being used as a rebound from her recent break-up, even though she says she doesn't really miss him anymore. Her past break-ups were either mutually concluded or her boyfriend dumped her, but if I get with her, maybe it'll be different (I'll get dumped?).
What should I do? Should I pursue her or are things looking like they're not going to end well for me? | Crush talks to me a lot, but it might be just because she wants to rebound off of me. Not sure if I should pursue her or quit now before I end up getting hurt. |
t3_1puahq | relationships | How can I [22M] keep my relationship with my girlfriend [20F] alive when I move across the country? | My girlfriend [20F] and I [22M] have been dating for a year and a half. She's an amazing woman and I can see myself spending the rest of my life with her even though we're both so young. She's helped me find direction in my life and I'm extremely happy with her.
When she started college at the beginning of our relationship, I was extremely nervous. I'd heard everyone say that relationships rarely survive college and that we didn't stand a chance. However, despite everything, we get along better now than ever.
In a month, I'll be moving across the country, about a 5-hour plane flight away from her in order to go to college myself. She may be transferring to a school nearby here for the fall semester of next year, but it would still be close to a year before I saw her again.
Redditors, what are your best tips for keeping the spark alive while apart? We both want to stay in the relationship, and I'm planning on getting her a little something to remember me by before I leave. Again, all the worries of relationships not surviving college are coming to mind again.
We want to make it work out, but I'm worried about her getting bored. She's extremely sexual, and I fear that with me gone she'll find someone else. I know it's probably not going to happen, as she's proven this several times, but my insecurity still makes me worry. | Moving across the country from my girlfriend. We both want to stay together. What are the best ways you know of to keep the spark alive? |
t3_21w9eq | relationships | Me [20 M] with my "friend" [20F], we've gone on 10+ dates and I've been over her house a number of times. She's awkward at hugging? Or physical contact... | *Pretty* sure she's a virgin. We hang out once a week and have been for 4 months now. I've known her for about 9 months now, we've been talking throughout that whole time.
All I've done is hug her goodbye and everytime that happens, she says "Ah, here comes my awkward hugging", I just laugh half assed at that comment...
It makes me feel like she doesn't want to touch me and I'm physically unattractive to her. I know it's probably because of her inexperience but I don't know how to pass this part physically?
I don't want to come on too strong and make her think I'm using her because I genuinely enjoy her company and I think we've been seeing each other enough. I desperately want to hold her and cuddle her but she makes me feel like it's wrong to feel this way... I don't know, I get a massive mind fuck with her. She's so interesting and (dare I say) pure. Usually virgin girls turn me off because I just hate dealing with that awkwardness that they seem to emit. But this girl I want to hold out for but this is getting a bit ridiculous?
I find that if I'm not physically compatible with a girl then the relationship is destined to fail. Hence why I think it's silly to ask her to be my girlfriend...
Any redditors who were physically awkward like this? What was your mindset and how can I overcome this barrier? | A (I'm pretty sure) virgin girl I'm seeing is physically awkward. We've been seeing each other for 4 months now. How can I advance this relationship without coming on too strongly? |
t3_4p3aiq | relationships | Me [21M] with my GF [21F] 3 weeks, New gf is hot and cold | I broke up with my ex in December ( a 4 year relationship) prior to meeting my new gf. When we text, she's some days really cold sending little to no emojis or messages of affection, as opposed to me.
But, when we meet in real person it is all cancelled out and we make out and kiss a lot, we hug and tell each other how we're getting to like each other (she's less descriptive than me there too).
It's important to mention her longest relationship was around 6 months and less while mine was 4 years.
What am I missing? Why am I not getting affection through messages, why isn't she opening up to me? It feels a lot easier for me.. | New gf is mostly cold on text messages but is warm and loving IRL while being less expressive of how she feels than me. What am I missing? |
t3_1f0uxh | dating_advice | Can't get over it. [F 20] [M 22] | Okay. F 20, M 22. I met someone who made me think differently. It was weird, but this person, despite not being my "type" or being traditionally remarkable, stuck out to me. It was great for a while. In my head, the only thing imperfect about the situation is the new person's unwillingness to try things out--it could all be idealistic fabrication, though, and maybe I just don't want to accept the fact that it could just be that they aren't interested in me in that way anymore, despite previous indications. Maybe it wasn't great and I'm just romanticizing it.
I have no clue, but I don't want to talk to this person about it because I don't like beating a dead horse. The time has passed for discussion on that topic without it becoming awkward. It's hard to keep a level head when everyone feeds you the old "just give it time and it'll work out if it's meant to" line. I don't want to wait. Why do I feel this way? The person has nixed any chance of a relationship (though there was initial interest, it waned due to circumstance and what have you), and I've tried to be practical and stay the course and be friends, but it's proving far too difficult. I don't want to cut them off because I've come to really appreciate our friendship, but it's so painful sometimes that it's ridiculous and it makes me feel stupid.
At this point, I just want to get over them completely and live my life, especially when I'm nearly completely certain that the feelings are not returned and that they only speak to me because they think that they broke my heart and feel guilty. I pride myself on being logical, but for whatever reason I can't find it in myself to view this situation objectively. How does one move past something like this? I want them to still feel like they have a friend in me. I just don't know if I can be there as much as I have been if I'm going to move on completely and come to terms with the situation in its reality. | I really, really need to get over someone. It's long overdue. How do I do so without offending/alienating the person or telling them the reasons for my withdrawal from frequent contact? |
t3_15i3ki | relationships | (18m) My girlfriend (15f) would rather end our relationship than attempt to fix it, any advice on how to convince her to give us a chance to fix things? | My girlfriend of the past 7 months told me several days ago that she wants to break up with me due to her feeling that she always puts my happiness ahead of hers.
I've talked to her several times since then in an effort to convince her to give us a chance to fix things and make her happier, but she seems determined to simply end it.
She recently (~two months ago) attempted to kill herself (for reasons that I believe don't have to do with being unhappy with me) and is still recovering from that and coping with depression, so I believe she is still stuck in a mindset where she sees avoiding her problems as the easiest and therefore best course of action.
I don't believe this is a healthy choice of action for her, and that brings me to the problem. I have no idea how to convince her that we can work on these things rather than just give up on them.
Does anyone have any advice? Am I in the wrong here, would it really be best for us to end the relationship? Any thoughts or anything would be appreciated, thank you. Apologies if things have been worded poorly, I'm bad at seeking help with things. | Depressed girlfriend wants to break up without giving us a chance to fix things, I don't know what to do. |
t3_3t1rso | legaladvice | [IL] My school charged for more credit hours than the class actually met - can I do anything about it? | Hello LegalAdvice,
I attended a five year graduate program. Starting the second year, we have community placements for training and a corresponding class throughout the year. This class met once a week for two hours in the fall and spring, and then one time for just an hour in the summer (we essentially have trimesters). However, when going over my tuition records I noticed it was billed for 3 credit hours in the fall, 2 in the spring, and 1 in the summer. Essentially, we were billed for 6 credit hours and only received 4 credit hours of actual instruction (plus whatever fraction for the one session in the summer).
I decided to ask around about this and the final answer I got is that when the tuition was originally determined, not all students did a community placement in their fourth year. The extra tuition was essentially being used to pay for training department staff since they could not count on the income from the final community placement. However, due to increased competition for our final year internship, every student my year and I'm assuming for several years before has done all three community placements. The school has actually updated the billed credit hours for the class to reflect this. | My school billed 6 credit hours for a series of classes that only actually met for 4 credit hours. Do I and other students that were affected by this have grounds to try to be reimbursed for those two credit hours? |
t3_3cwcwq | relationship_advice | My mother (who's recovering from cancer treatment) read my birthday card from my girlfriend (17/F) and now she doesn't want me seeing her anymore because of one sentence (18/M) | I went to the shops to buy myself a birthday smartwatch, and came home to find my mother in my room holding the birthday card I got from my girlfriend. She told me that she'd read it and that she couldn't believe the disrespect and rudeness from my girlfriend directed at her.
This anger was in response to the sentence "I know your mum can be tough on you sometimes, or make you feel like you won't succeed but know I'll always support you no matter what"
I feel violated that she'd read a personal card written from my girlfriend of 1.5 years, as does my girlfriend, but Mum after a week is still mad and just yelled that "It's over between your girlfriend and I.'
I've explained to Mum everything I can, because my girlfriend doesn't hate her, or want to hurt her at all, she was just trying to let me know that when I feel hopeless, don't forget she'll always support me.
I feel lost and confused because (being an extremely anxious person) I'm really struggling with having my girlfriend not liked by my mother. I can't tell my girlfriend what my Mum's been saying because she also has really severe anxiety and it's important to her that she's liked by people like my Mum too.
Mum's been recovering from chemotherapy/radiation due to breast cancer, and because of this she's been quite rough/tough on me recently, due to stress etc. I know she has excuses, but some of the stuff (I won't go in to details), have left me spiralling further into my anxious/depressed hole.
It's so fucking confusing. | Cancerous Mum invaded privacy, read private card from girlfriend, now is angry/hates girlfriend because of one sentence in private card that said "Sorry your mum is tough on you sometimes" |
t3_3hgtdt | relationships | I [27M] cheated on my [27F] fiance. It was a huge mistake and I don't want to lose her. | A few months ago, I went on a trip with one of my friends (she is a lesbian). I got incredibly drunk one night and woke up the next morning to texts from her saying she could not believe I kissed a girl at the bar. I was blackout drunk (I never drink like that) and have absolutely no memory of doing what I did. It was not a conscious decision to cheat - I love my girl more than anything and would never do this to her.
I didn't tell her because I didn't know how to explain that I had unconsciously betrayed her trust and disrespected the wonderful life we've spent 4 years building together. I didn't want to risk our future together. I didn't want to hurt her.
Fast forward to yesterday. It turns out that my lesbian friend started dating the girl I kissed at the bar, but things went south. The girl found my fiance on Facebook and sent her a message telling her what happened, and she is devastated. The fact that I cheated hurt her deeply. The fact that I lied about what happened more than once to her face hurt her deeply.
We're supposed to get married in two months. I've never for a second doubted that she was the one. She is the only reason I get out of bed every day and the only girl I can ever imagine loving. She is my best friend. The thought of being with someone else makes me physically sick. I can't lose her.
How can I help her understand that the person who made that mistake wasn't me? That it's not something I've ever done before or would ever do again? How do I rebuild her trust? How do I marry the love of my life? | I cheated while blackout drunk, found out next morning. Kept it from my fiance but she found out. Don't want to lose her. |
t3_2z0gzz | relationship_advice | I (18/m) am very confused about this girl (19/f), and I'm really unsure of what to do. | I wasn't sure whether to post this here or teen relationship advice, but I'm extremely confused about this girl. I met her in my chem lab class in the fall and we were both in facing each other, so we talked a bit whenever we were both not working, and I eventually got her number, but I didn't really start liking her until after Christmas break (oh and I gave her brownies on her birthday in November, but that was supposed to be a friendly thing and she knows I do that for everyone's birthday). So I start liking a little bit before Christmas break starts, but I start texting her when we get back more. I texted her the first time and I talked to her about yoga(she invited me and some other people in this honors program group text to go a few days earlier) and other stuff. I texted her a second time a few days after and she never replied. Then I heard from a close friend that another person heard her conplaining that I was texting her and apparently she knew I liked her and made a huge deal out of it(according to this friend). So I was pretty surprised, but I backed off and stopped talking to her. But then the weirdest thing happened, she started talking to me again, and doing things like smiling and waving whenever I pass her on campus. She also set up a dance party after I suggested it, and invited me to join her intermural soccer team. The only frustrating thing is that I keep liking her the more I get to know her. So what do you guys suggest I should do? Or do you guys have any insight to how she felt? Two of my friends said to ask her out or get over her, because I'll be stuck just liking her, so what should I do? | Liked a girl, texted her a bit, she ignored me and apparently complained I liked her when idk how she could've known, then invited me to do all these activities with her. |
t3_2mp8ed | relationships | Me [18/F] upset with my friend [18/F] for a reason I even think is ridiculous, don't know why I'm upset with her. | Hi reddit- first post in this subreddit, so please bare with me.
My friend and I both have boyfriends, she recently started dating hers about a month ago.
Everything was fine with them until a few days ago, when she told me about a situation where she called me over because she was really upset, involving her boyfriend getting really drunk in front of her after saying they'd hang out/her saying she could not drink.
The situation was the minor problem, just something that needed to be talked about. I urged her to talk to her boyfriend, which she tried to do multiple ways (didn't want to text about it, but did a bit) then she asked if she could call, he said "I don't want to" and refused to pick up the phone.
After about 2 hours of her just trying to get him to talk about how she felt, he said things like "get over it, I did," and "ok mom" (he's 22) They broke up that night.
my friend also mentioned that he's been drinking heavily or partying 3-5 nights a week, not paying his bills because he spends all his money on drugs and alcohol. We had a heart to heart before the confrontation where she told me he had no ambition, and wants to continue to work a fast food job the rest of his life. (not trying to sound like a jerk, she just wants to go to college so the "where will I be in 10 years" evaluation won't really match up with them)
I just want to say that I completely realize this is absolutely none of my business, and her choice, so I'm aware of that. However she texted me saying "I miss ___," and then acknowleged that she treated her not-so-well and said "I won't be single after tonight, just a heads up." I called her to tell her she deserves better, you just miss him, etc. She responded with "anything else?" then got back together with him.
I don't understand why I feel angry towards my friend. I think it was a stupid choice, but it's not my choice to make | My friend got back together with her (manchild) boyfriend, didn't give any reason why, feeling upset with friend for choice that was hers to make. Don't know why. |
t3_1dcco8 | relationships | Advice for boyfriend [19] and me [18 F] | My boyfriend [19] and I [18 F] have been dating for about 2 1/2 years. He is my first boyfriend ever and I'm his first serious relationship. It's always been the plan to spend the rest of my life with him but, with this being my first relationship and having nothing to compare this relationship to makes me nervous to tie myself down at such a young age. We haven't had any problems to make me second guess our relationship. This leads to my question: through your experiences is it wise if you stay with your first relationship especially when at a young age?
If you have any questions feel free to ask. If this post doesn't belong in this subreddit let me know and I will take it down. Thank you for your time. | Been with boyfriend for 2 1/2 years not sure if it's wise to be committed to a relationship at such a young age with no prior relationship experience. |
t3_3gvq2n | relationships | I'm [23/F] out of my wheelhouse going into a first date with [M/31]. Advice? | I have a coffee date this weekend with Nicholas*.
I met him doing a hobby that we have in common, and I thought he was really hot so I asked him out before really talking with him very much.
This is the first date I've ever been on with someone who I didn't meet on the internet or from having been friends first, and I just realized that I don't know what I'm doing. Aside from the one hobby I know we have in common, I don't really know much about this guy and I'm not really sure how a "first date conversation" is supposed to go without it sounding like a job interview.
What do we talk about? How do you get to know someone on a date while still having fun? I know that's a stupid question, but I'm so used to having someone's online profile to look at that I guess I'm lost without it. | Going out with someone I haven't talked to much beforehand. Teach me the basics of "get-to-know-you" date stuff. |
t3_1ageqq | relationships | I am unsure whether or not I should send my deployed ex boyfriend a care package. Advice? | We [25f/25m] broke up a month ago, primarily due to the distance. Now we don't speak and he doesn't even answer me when I tell him I miss him! So I am wondering if that means he doesn't want to hear from me anymore and I should just forget about him or send him a nice something from home because I'm sure getting mail over there is great.
Stuck! Mostly because I am unsure what his feelings toward me are anymore even though we did not end on bad terms. My thoughts: you wouldn't ignore someone you love and care about. I certainly would never ignore him. Thanks for the advice in advance. | unsure whether or not to send him something because he ignores me now, and to me that just means he doesn't want to hear from me anymore |
t3_22kpej | legaladvice | Probate issues | I have a few probate issues with my mother's New Jersey estate. I am one of seven siblings all are equal beneficiaries. The two oldest are executors. Our mother passed away six years ago and they are only just settling the estate now. Two of us have requested documentation to support the expenses they are claiming as well as value of assets. She had several stocks, a mortgage free home which was rented out then sold, additional monetary assets, and minimal debt. They have given a list of expenses totaling nore than $118,00.00 but They are refusing to provide any supporting documents to substantiate this list.
In addition, my mother had loaned money to a few siblings prior to her death with the agreement that the money would be paid back. Two siblings signed agreements stating such and the third never for around to it but the amount was still recorded with my brother. The outstanding amount is close to $30,000.00. The executors just decided that these debts no longer need to be repaid to the estate. Two of the debtors had been asking questions about the expenses, accounts, etc.; however, after the debt relief they have stopped. I and another sibling have made several requests for documentation that have been ignored or refused.
Now, I have been told that some siblings have gotten a final settlement check. I have not recieved anything regarding settlement and have been told that letters were sent to everyone. I reached out to the oldest brother and asked why I didn't get a notice or anything and was told that he sent it to my old address (I moved a year ago and he has my new one). I requested it be sent again via regular mail (because I work far from home) and he refused. I just made that request again and he told me that he would notify me when the certified mail was returned to him. I am concerned that they are trying to circumvent my (and my other brother's) requests for proof of expenses by settling the estate without including us because we did not respond to whatever was sent in a timely fashion, which I believe would allow then to just send our portion to the state as unclaimed funds? Can this happen if I have been in regular communication with them? Can they refuse to provide documentation? Thanks! | Do the executors of an estate have the right to refuse to provide supporting documentation to verify assets and expenses when a beneficiary requests to view such documentation? Also, can an estate be settled without the consent of the beneficiary making this request? |
t3_35s2fe | relationships | Me [19M] and my girlfriend [18F] of 1 1/2 Months used to talk everyday, now I haven't heard from her in a week. I don't know what has happened- what should I do? | This isn't going to be a very long post. Basically this is my
first "Serious" relationship. In short we used to talk every single day by text and on the phone because we live a distance away from each other (About an hour and a half) she was going to sleep over my apartment Friday night but had to cancel due to her going on a trip over the weekend with her family. That was Friday.
I believe the trip was only supposed to last the weekend, As she works a lot. After about 3 days I sent her a text saying that it's ok if you are burnt out with us talking, we don't need to talk everyday and that everyone is entitled to some space, if that is the case that it is cool, but if you are going through anything you know we can talk about it. We've talked about very personal things in the past so it wasn't like I was just saying that. Anyways it has been another few days and she still hasn't answered my text. I'm probably going to call her in a couple days if she still hasn't answered. I'm incredibly worried about her because her home life isn't the best. But at the same time I don't want to smother her or annoy her if she just needs space. It's just been difficult for me in general not having her around because I've had a rough week. | My girlfriend and I used to talk everyday, I haven't heard from her in a week- what should I do? |
t3_2cttux | relationships | I [29/M] don't have much evidence but was my SO[26/F] exchanging inappropriate pictures with another guy? | A little while ago my SO of 4 years got too close to another guy. Constant texting and snap-chatting(picture exchange app), going out with him but telling me she was with girlfriends. I confronted her after seeing her deleting messages from him and seeing messages about snapchat.
She broke her phone and he mentions "it's too bad we can't snap anymore". she goes on to talk about her broken phone and he says "Too bad i just showered too...".
Basically we're still together because she convinced me nothing bad happened and they were just friends but this and a couple other little things keep nagging at me. So, what do you all think? | SO possibly exchanging inappropriate pictures with another guy. Guy mentions its too bad cause he just showered when she could no longer exchange. |
t3_2fijfy | relationships | (18F) My boyfriend (20M) isn't spending much time with me. Am I overreacting? | We have been together for about 3 months. We used to spend so much time together, practically attached at the hip but within the last few weeks, we have barely hung out. We have gone days without talking (which is very strange) and whenever we actually do spend time together, it isn't for very long. Sometimes he tells me that he wants to go to sleep or just watch tv instead of hanging out with me. The only time he's enthusiastic to hang out is if we're going to have sex. I feel like he doesn't like me as much or he is bored with me. I don't know if I'm just overreacting and being clingy, or if this is normal and I'm getting upset over nothing. | My boyfriend doesn't want to spend as much time with me and I'm wondering if it's because he doesn't like me/is bored with me now. |
t3_3vbdy8 | college | How does one find a friends group in college? | So I (F/19) attend Berkeley Community College and live with my roommate (F/20) attending the same school. I just turned in my apps last month to transfer to UCSB or UCB. My best friend goes to Cal, and all of my other friends live fairly far away. I and my two friends recently realized although we are sophomores in college and aren't incredibly antisocial, we don't really have any other friends aside from the three of us. We realized we are all three feeling pretty lonely and want to expand our friends group. This came about in part (at least for me) by my recent breakup. I realized I have nothing to do to distract myself and I wish I had more friends. Does anyone have any advice to make friends in college? We want to make friends at Cal, but since my roommate and I don't go there yet, there aren't many options. My friend who goes there has been trying to make friends, but has been struggling because the majority of her classes are huge lectures. It's hard because our apartment doesn't really have any other students, and everyone seems like they already have their group. Any advice? | My two friends and I are lonely and don't really have a social circle in college. How do we create one and meet people at Cal? (or any college, to be more general.) |
t3_32caoi | askwomenadvice | Did I [20/m] screw up the relationship? | We had sex moments before the argument that led to the break up. It was great and we ended up snuggling up together and our noses were playing together.
But then I noticed something on the sheets and I got extremely embarrassed and actually quite angry at myself. I ended up taking that anger out on my GF. I feel awful because of it.
I remember asking her "What do you want to do? Shall we just break up?"
She told me she didn't want to break up, but after a while of crying she said "I think it's best for us". She added she was just too overwhelmed with her University finals exams in Maths - she has 8 of them in the next 2 months.
We haven't spoken since the break up which was 6 days ago. | ! I feel like a right idiot ... I feel like I've fucked up our great relationship ... Is there anything I can do? |
t3_31t882 | relationships | Girlfriend(27/f) of 6 months family oriented, want to know more about them. | I(29/m) hope this all makes sense, everything is just jumbled in my head.
So, I met this girl through a popular dating website. We started talking and met up and we hit it off extremely well. When we first met we were both living in the east coast. A few months in, she told me that prior to us meeting, she had put in a transfer to the west coast and that they finally processed the transfer.
Now, I thought this would be a great opportunity for me as I always wanted to move to the west coast but had too many things tying me down in the past to do it before but now I can. So I found a job in LA (she is in SF) and we both moved at the same time. I feel like I should mention that while we were together, she always wanted to meet my friends and says that a persons friends can tell a lot about someone. Now i really dont have a lot of good friends but I did introduce her to my best friend.
So anyways, lately she has been saying that she still doesnt know a lot about me or my past and i dont really know how to word this but we were talking about our future and marriage and she was saying that marriage is also about both of our families. She has met my parents before and she was just saying that she had to ask my parents to tell her things about me, and that my friend didnt automatically tell her about me and how i was. She also claimed to be insecure about me in the future because she doesnt know everything about me.
Now, I feel that since me and my parents and friends are on opposite coasts, it will be even harder for me to help her bridge the gap. If it makes a difference, she was born out of the country and has really strong family values and she doesnt have any family here in the states except for her aunt. She also mentioned that for the 6 months we are dating, it seems like its just dating and nothing is progressing. Hope this all makes sense.
How should I go about approaching this? | gf wants to know more about my past from friends and family but they are on opposite coast. also she feels like we are not progressing at the 6 month mark. |
t3_1mtala | relationships | I [f21] and not sure if im in love with my boyfriend [m24] of 5 years | we've been together for 5 years and we're really close. he's my best friend and he says im his best friend too. recently i found out he had a dirty little secret that has changed how i feel about him a bit. im not sure if im in love with him anymore (not really sure if i ever was to begin with honestly... like genuinely not sure so i can't even remember what it felt like before). i care about him a lot. i think he might be thinking of proposing soon. but i dont know if im in love with him and how i would respond to the proposal. i feel like it might just be worth saying yes because i care about him and he treats me well. at the same time i wonder if there is something better out there. | not sure if im in love with my boyfriend or just love him as a friend and i think he might try to pop the question soon |
t3_uptip | relationships | GF (23) is very stressed and it's affecting our relationship. I (24,M) don't know what to do. | My gf (23) and I (24) have been dating for a little over a year and a half. We met in school and both graduated last year. She is a wonderful, caring and beautiful person inside and out. I just don't know if she's happy with me any more.
We started dating our senior year of college and we were both carefree, happy people. Started as friends but it moved to something more. Things were great for a long time but since we started working, she gets easily agitated and angry. It gets to the point where I don't even want to be around her because she tends to take it out on the people closest to her. She never used to be like this and I figured it would take a couple months for her to get used to working 40+ hours a week. But it's been almost a year and if anything, it's getting worse.
She has major problems dealing with stress and has stated multiple times over the last few months that she's not happy with anything. I'm a very patient and loyal person so I've helped her through it but like everyone else, I have a breaking point. Sometimes I just want to pick up and leave because I get so angry that she doesn't seem happy with me anymore but I don't have it in me to do that. But it's getting to the point where she says at least once a week that she hates everything about her life. I know she loves me and I love her but if she's not happy, what's the point?
I don't want to ramble on so if you guys have more questions feel free to ask. I would appreciate any and all advice on this. Thanks! | Girlfriend is stressed about work to the point that it's affecting both of us. We fight way more than we used to and half the time she's miserable. I want to do what's best for both of us |
t3_3e9433 | relationships | Me [19M] with my girlfriend [19F] (1-year) talking about being long distant in the future | Hi, any advice would be great, basically in the first year on Uni I got into a relationship with my girlfriend, we are both the same age and have been together just under a year. Anyway, after a few initial problems (mainly with religion that are now fine) we're crazy in love, both our first real boyfriend/girlfriend and it feels like we've been together years, I know cliche stuff.
So today I brought up when I'm going on placement for a year that we would be apart etc. and she brought up that she's now planning to do a second uni course in Germany (I'm in the UK) after the initial one, meaning basically 4/5 years before anything normal can happen between us again.
I'm not going to stop her dreams, and have my own things to accomplish, but it is unrealistic to think we can stick it out, she (and I) were upset with the thought of breaking up. | Am I being naive and has anyone got any experience over long-distance relationships with the hope that it'll be normal eventually? Thanks a lot! |
t3_2oaa9q | legaladvice | Do I have any standing in small claims for dental fraud? | I'll try to keep this short.
I went to a new dentist for an x ray, cleaning, and exam because they had a great special. After the x rays were taken and my teeth were cleaned, the dentist (Dr.J) came in to look at the x rays and do a visual exam. He looked at the x rays and after pointing out some things to me, informed me I had 5 cavities. This was horrible news to me, as I didn't have insurance. We discussed a payment plan for the $1400 it would cost for him to fill my cavities, and I told him I would have to think on it and get back to him in a few days.
I remembered that my grandfather is also a dentist. I contacted him and told him my predicament and he agreed to fill my cavities or free. I just had to fly a couple states away to his office.
I booked my flight and contacted Dr.J and told him I was going to my grandfather for fillings and had him email my x rays and treatment plan to my grandfather.
After I got to my grandfather's office, we took new x rays and both my grandfather and his partner examined them for awhile. They came back to me and told me that I, in fact, have no cavities at all and my teeth are great.
I was then shown the treatment plan from Dr.J. It said I had multiple cavities, but after examining the "problem" teeth in both the old and new x rays, there was nothing on those teeth that would even suggest a cavity.
I am hoping now that I might be able to get reimbursement for my airfare and the time I had to take off work because of Dr.J. I have tried contacting him over email and phone, but he has not returned either. Is there any way that, if it came down to it, I would be able to settle this in a small claims court? | Dentist told me I had lots of cavities. Spent money to go to another dentist in another state to be told I don't actually have any cavities. hoping to get reimbursement for airfare and time off work |
t3_131tcy | relationship_advice | [18/m] I feel an overwhelming sense of jealousy, and I can do nothing to stop it. | So my girlfriend broke up with me after we had been dating for about 3 and a half months because her previous boyfriend cheated on her and she didn't want to feel vulnerable again, I get that. What killed me about that was how out of the blue it was. So she asked me back out, confessed she loved me, and now our relationship is pretty healthy I'd say. However she has a friend that is a boy, who I get extremely jealous of when they hang out. Because of the distance between us, I see her about once every week or two weeks because I don't have a car. However, her friend that is a boy does have a car and they hang out about 3 - 4 times as much as me and her do. Is this crushing jealousy I feel because of my insecurity about the relationship, or because she is hanging out with another boy, or simply because I am jealous that someone gets to see her way more than me? Part of me feels like I am just looking for an excuse to end it because of the pain she had caused me, even though I am consciously aware of how miserable that would make me. I know it's irrational, I know it's messed up, but every single time she tells me they're hanging out I get completely overwhelmed with this feeling of anger and jealousy that I have never felt before. Recently my brother moved to California (I live in Maryland), and I am starting to think that his leaving, along with one of my friends getting engaged and the other in a serious relationship, I am just plain lonely and the jealous feelings are tied to the isolation I am going through on account of my entire social group scattering all at once. I am trying to find out how to stop this really depressing mindset I've been in recently, but there is no clear solution. I don't want to take things out on my girlfriend, but this crushing loneliness and irrational jealousy is causing me to edge towards a breaking point and I can't do anything to stop it. | – My whole social group of friends and some family dissolved at once and I am afraid my lonely jealousy is putting too much strain on my slightly shaky relationship. |
t3_rxpiy | AskReddit | My sister was drinking tonight and she ended up unresponsive, I think she needs psychiatric help, what can I do? | As the title says she was unresponsive. She drinks every weekend but today was her birthday. When she got to the hospital she had a BAC of .3 I am her 18 year old brother. How can i approach her to inform her that she has a problem and that she needs help. A little background on our relationship. Growing up all we had was our mother for the most part. She had her dad in some part and I didn't have mine. She was very violent as a child. I would constantly have bruises from her and we have almost called the police for her actions. Her father has been to jail a few times and was/is a pot smoker and heavy drinker. She's met and lived with her dad a few times. These days our relationship isn't violent in any way. | sister drank til she was almost in a coma, what can i as her 18 year old brother do to prevent this from happening again? |
t3_27d5zn | relationships | Me [25/f] with my bf [24/m] and new roommate [23/m] just moved in and I feel like the third wheel. | Posting on phone so I hope the format is good.
Background: Been with bf (let's call him Paul) for a year. Great guy, very sweet. Roommate (let's call him Matt) went to college with him. Paul moved a state away so he and Matt couldn't hang out without a long drive.
We all recently moved in together. As far as I can tell Matt is a nice guy. But ever since we moved here (about a week now) I can't get any time with Paul.
I'm worried about being affectionate with Paul in front of Matt because I think it's rude. However since they haven't seen each other in over 6 months they are so utterly hitting it off that I feel completely left out and neglected. They talk constantly and when I try to join the conversation I get spoken over. I'm a pretty quiet person.
It was our anniversary on the 2nd and I kept asking on the 1st what time he worked on the 2nd. He kept saying he'd look it up later. He forgot that it was our anniversary and he didn't have the foresight to request that day off. He ended up working and we did a total of nothing that day except hang out with Matt.
The two are huge gamers/ MTG card players and I don't have the same interests as them. Getting more and more worried that I'm just a companion when it's convenient for Paul now that he has a friend to share the interests I don't any time he wants. | bf and new roommate hitting it off so much that he forgot our anniversary. Feeling like third wheel because I can't relate to most of their shared interests. |
t3_2hvpjy | weddingplanning | Just ask your groomsmen!!! [mini-RANT] | Hello, ladies (and gentlemen) of Weddit. Please help me out....
Okay, just a little background: My FH is an amazing, caring, wonderful guy. But....he's super independent (which is usually awesome!). He tries to do everything himself, and hates to ask for help in anything, which is relevant to our issue.
Now, here's our issue. I've been asking him since July to ask his 3 groomsmen. He's known WHO he wants to ask since then, and we've seen 2/3 of them regularly. But he won't ask. I've told him to text them, to call them, to ask in person. No dice.
I tried to explain to him that being a groomsman can be expensive, that the person he wants to ask to be his best man has a child and that another groomsman has a job that is difficult to get time off from. I showed him wedding shit that all says you should ask your bridal party 12-9 months before. That as a good friend, he should give them time to plan financially. He said he understands that....and then still, nothing.
Due to his very independent nature, I tried explaining that it is an honor to be asked to be in someone's bridal party, that his friends would not see it as him "asking for help".
It's at the point now where when I ask him if he's asked anyone, he just gets defensive. I am afraid that by the time he asks them, no one will have the time or money, and I know that even though he is being wishy-washy about this, he wants them there and will feel terrible if he has no one on his side. I don't want his indecisiveness to hurt him in the long run, but I don't think he's seeing that. Part of me wants to give their wives a heads up so that they can start planning, but I feel that's over-stepping my role.
I just don't know what to do anymore, and I'm sick of this turning into a passive-aggressive fight between us.....Help?! | super independent groom won't ask any of his friends to be groomsmen even though he has said numerous times how much he wants them as his attendants. Bride needs a drink. |
t3_2kyst2 | relationships | SO (23/F) says she hasn't felt anything in a while, and doesn't have the energy to make our nearly 5 year relationship work. Me (26/M) desperately wants to work on it. | So me and the SO took a walk the other day, and she chose to bring up a talk. Things have been rocky for a while, but she had warned me a few months earlier that things would be stressful due to some life events. I've done my best to be there for her, but i'm not well versed in her field. I'll do little things like make the bed or make her food, but I guess anyone can do that.
Anyways, those events haspassed, and she says things don't feel any different. I've confronted about how she's been talking to another guy often, and she did admit that she has been confiding in him, and that he has admitted to liking her and she still continues to talk to him constantly. That guy has a lot in common with her, and i'll admit is probably a better fit for her. But our 5 year anniversary is coming up next week, and I really do love her.
I don't think she's cheated on me physically, but it sure feels like she has emotionally.
I don't want to let her go, but I feel like that'll only make things worse. She wants complete freedom to hang out with friends. She's more social than I am, and i have no problem with her going out, however i'd like to at least remain in contact throughout the night. I feel like that's not too much to ask for, is it? I think she also feels guilty for leaving me home, and feels like she has to come home earlier than she would like to as well.
What should I do? | SO says she wants to break up, i tell her i don't want to and I want to try and make it work. What should I do? |
t3_1yd0ee | relationships | I [31 M] met an amazing person [30 F] a month ago, things have been going excellent, then after an amazing Valentine's day, she throws on the brakes with "I just need some time" | I recently (1 month ago) met someone that is a huge breath of fresh air. I feel like we've known each other for years. We hit it off extremely well , then suddenly the lines of communication are cut off for a couple days and the only reply after telling her that if something is bothering her, I'm open for discussion, to which she replies "I just need some time"
This is such a conundrum to me since she has been reinforcing how great it's been to finally meet someone like me. The only thing I can surmise is that she is a little freaked at how fast/well things are moving along and is worried to fall for someone.
Are there any women that can relate to this situation and give me sound advice as to what could be going through her mind? | New relationship going extremely well, then suddenly she says "I just need some time" How long should "some time" be? A week? A month? What could change her mind so abruptly? |
t3_4v0m1f | relationships | My (24F)'s family has had a huge drug problem both in the past and present, my boyfriend (24M) did a hard drug while on vacation...I need help | Hey so, I'm on mobile so I'm going to keep this short.
Last night we were a bit tipsy and telling each other the truth about any lie we've told. I told him I lied about how many people I had been with and he was fine, if not a bit hurt that I had lied.
Then he dropped the "well, I did cocaine while on vacation in June...."
I asked him if he was joking and he said no.
I was pissed. He knows my families history and how I feel about that and he expects me to just be okay with it. And be okay with him going next year, but we haven't discussed if he'll do it again.
I asked him why and he said he just wanted to try it.
I don't trust him to not want to try other hard stuff now too.
He said he doesn't want to try anything else, but I keep thinking what if it was offered like cocaine?
I'm at a loss reddit. What do I do? | boyfriend did cocaine while on vacation. Just expects me to be okay with it after knowing my families history with drug abuse and how uncomfortable they make me. I'm pissed and don't know what to do.... |
t3_28xjbb | relationships | I {21F}have never been able to fall out of love, and it is wearing on me. | Hi Reddit,
I have the very rare and lucky problem of having dated some really awesome men in my life. My problem, like the tile says, is that I haven't really been able to fall out of love with any of them. I've dated around 4 people in the past, and can't seem to get over any of them (the first one was ~7 years ago.) These have all been longish term relationships, the longest being 3 years and the shortest around 7 months.
I know that this probably sounds like a stupid non-problem to most people, but it really fucking sucks. I've had severe depression for years because of this issue- I constantly feel hurt/longing for these past relationships.
These guys are also all in relationships with at the moment with super sweet girls that are a much better fit for them. This isn't an issue of actually wanting to date them again. I just think I'm too immature/sentimental to actually mentally break up and let go of someone.
An important detail I forgot to mention- these guys are all still good friends of mine, and I see them often. They are some of my best friends an I have been able to stay on good terms with all of them even after I broke up with them. .
How do you fall out of love and get over someone? What would you do if you were still in love with your exes? | I've been really lucky in my relationships and have really awesome exes, but I've never been able to fall out of love ~7 years. What would you do? |
t3_4ohu56 | relationships | My boyfriend [25M] is ready to go public with our relationship, but I [22F] am very scared. | So this is a bit risky but I think I'm vague enough to get away with anonymity. For the record, he knows I'm researching this stuff but doesn't know I posted it to Reddit.
My boyfriend is popular on the internet. Think a six-figure following count, a huge number of likes and comments on every Instagram post, occasionally mobbed by young girls in the street if they recognise him kind of popular. I don't want to say what he does so I'm going to be deliberately vague, but he works very hard at what he does and the support from all those people is just an added bonus. He does make money off having all those followers, but has never let the fame get to his head.
When we met two years ago, I didn't know he had such a large following, and he didn't tell me until we were on our second date. I use Twitter and Reddit a lot but mainly stay for news, and when we first met he had a considerably smaller following, but still significant enough to make us cautious about having a public relationship.
We've been together about two years now, and have hit all the usual milestones - family introductions and gatherings, meeting friends, holidays, discussions about living together, marriage and children. Recently we've started talking about him possibly revealing me to his followers. He feels that he's ready to have a public relationship, but I'm really really scared. He has SUCH a large following (and has never even hinted at being in a relationship before now) that I think it will shock and anger a lot of his followers (especially the teenage girls). While it would be amazing to see him declare his love for me to all those followers, and it would be so damn freeing just to fucking have each other on our social medias, I'm not sure I can handle all the attention - especially if they hate me. I know there will definitely be a lot of people not happy with him revealing not only that I exist, but I'm not what people might be expecting from an eventual "I'm in a relationship!" reveal.
Does anyone have any advice? | my boyfriend is internet famous and wants to show me off. i'm not sure i'm ready for all the inevitable hatred. |
t3_umubc | tifu | TIFU Insulted a potential client | I have recently decided to become an independently run private vocal instructor. I have a small number of students and am always very willing to take on new students. I was very excited when I saw an unknown number come up on my cell phone this morning and a woman on the other line named what I thought was "Trish" who wanted lesson for her son and daughter. I ecstatically set up a meeting for our first lesson and I ended the conversation with "Thank you, Trish. See you on Tuesday!" She then responded by saying "My name is Charles. I'm their dad." I immediately froze and stumbled my way into an apology, but he was clearly irritated and insulted that I had called him a woman. I truly felt awful, but even after I knew he was a man, his voice still sounded feminine to me. I apologized... but hopefully that's enough for him to still want his kids to learn from me. | Set up voice lessons for a woman's children... Thanked the woman... turns out she was actually a man. Hopefully I didn't lose a client. |
t3_2zouf3 | tifu | TIFU by thinking I had a shot with a girl | So all last night I was up talking to a friend of mine, and I thought that me and her had something that could eventually lead to us becoming more than friends. She began by asking about my weekend plans, asking if I was gonna be coming out because she wanted to hang out, and then it eventually led to her telling me that she had feelings for this guy, but was uncertain if he felt the same way towards her. Well, with me being the cocky ass I am, I automatically assumed it was me and told her about my feelings towards her. She didn't text back for awhile, so I went to bed last night with a sinking feeling. Woke up this morning to a text from her saying she was confused, and I then found out that I had not been the mystery man she was crushing on after all. Needless to say, I'm currently leaving the country and changing my phone number and name. | confessed feelings to girl I thought had feelings for me, finds out she has feelings towards someone else, OP is leaving country |
t3_iyl1o | AskReddit | Attention all restaurant owners, bosses, and OSHA people. I have a quick question. | I have a little question, I'm a sous chef in a kitchen, I understand the work can be vigorous and the hours long. But lately.. My boss seems to be handling things in a 'non-fair' way. No one is really happy anymore and she doesn't seem to care. My question is this:
Since May, she posted a "don't bother asking for any of these days off."
Is this legal..? It was about every weekend from then until september with random days in between. Some were for big banquets or festivals which I guess I understand but can she request that of us?
I missed my child hood best friends wedding because of it when I asked for it off a month in advance. My other best friends wedding is next weekend and I had to threaten to leave my job to get it off.
She always guilt trips me if I ask for a day off (rarely) or when I catch a sudden cold and finally decide to call in, I get something like this "*huge sigh* Idk what to tell you, we're short staffed as it is so it'd be nice for you to complete your shift."
The only reason I threatened to quit is because I know I'm well liked there and she wouldn't let me go that easy. I wouldnt quit without another job lined up.. It's just it pisses me off how she handles things or how she manages our huge budget. I could be saving tens of thousands of dollars in our budget. But no one listens to me because I just barely turned 22.. Ive read a lot of culinary books and have spent countless of hours plowing through culinary information, studying and experimenting on my own, what do I know right? | Sorry for that rant.. Is it legal to tell your staff NOT to ask for multiple days off in the course of 4 months? |
t3_2ycjb7 | relationships | Me [18 M] with my Girlfriend [18F] about 8 months, she cheated on me at a party last night. | Okay so here it goes.
My Girlfriend and I are in a weird sort of limbo relationship zone at the moment. We are both extremely busy this year and essentially are studying all the time to try to get into college. Neither of us have any time to meet up except when we have this one class together on a Saturday. She used to come over on a Saturday and we would hang out but my parents got stricter on that because they though it was impeding on my studies so basically, like I said we are at the point where we have no contact and we don't really talk that much because we are both super busy.
So anyway we were chatting in class yesterday and all seemed to be going fine. She ended up going to this party while I stayed at home. At this party one of her friends decides to tell her I'm on tinder (which I thought was the norm for people my age but apparently not). I don't know if this angered her (she assured me it didn't) but anyway she decides at the party that I didn't think we were exclusive and kisses two different guys, one of whom is a friend of mine.
Then this morning I wake up to a drunk text with her apologizing so I ring her and find out the information. She kissed my friend first like 2 seconds and then she was kind of hazy on the details for the second because she was too drunk to remember it. She didn't apologise profusely but she was sorry it happened and that she doesn't want to be with anyone else.
Despite it being a weird situation, I'm still angry at her for doing it and also have lost a lot of trust in her and don't know what to do. I realise that I messed up, but I was window-shopping while she went in and, well she didn't finish the cake but she did have a taster. What should I do? | Girlfriend kissed two guys at a party last night, is sorry but a doesn't see it as badly as I do. Should I cut off all ties with her or not? |
t3_26yfr1 | relationships | Me [22M] with my GF [21F], been together for over a year and a half, long distance relationship, starting to see the hopelessness of our situation. Should I end it? | I've been in a long distance relationship for over a year and a half now and we have been getting along great, she's a perfect fit for me, however she is over 5000 miles away and we've only seen each other once for 2 weeks this past winter and she will be coming here to visit for 3 weeks. In the past few months I've been having an increasing amount of thoughts about the hopelessness of our relationship, especially now that there is a possibility I will go study abroad next year for a whole year and she is planning on studying abroad for half a year as well; adding distance to the distance.
I've had trouble before with doubting our relationship, before our first visit I had similar thoughts, but I've told my girlfriend about it and she has forgiven me and we moved on, but now I'm having those feelings again and they are really strong.
I know I am a horrible person for acting like this and I'm feeling more and more like I am not cut out for a long distance relationship and that she doesn't deserve to waste her time on someone like me, but even if I do break up than I feel like I'm going to hurt her even more.
Even talking to her about it now before she comes over here is something I can't bring myself to do since it will make the money we spent on the tickets and the whole trip go to waste. What's making it even more difficult is the amount of involvement both our families have and my parents keep talking about even further trips for us to visit each other and just add on pressure, I feel like I can't breathe sometimes.
I really need some advice and I'll be grateful to anyone who is willing to read this post and give some helpful advice. | Having doubts whether I can make it with my long distance gf; I don't want the selfish way out, but I feel like I will hurt her no matter what I do. |
t3_3bew6x | relationships | Wife and I (42/40) are spiraling the drain after 11 years | Apologies for the stream of semi-conscious. I'm still trying to get my thoughts in order.
There's never been any cheating or anything like that. We're both pretty emotionally sensitive types, and I think the arguments drain us both more than most couples. I see other couples that bicker and yell at each other in ways that would make me run for the door, but they seem to be fine.
Wife just seems utterly miserable with me these days. She'll fly into a rage at me over something. I'll be mystified, and she'll be mystified about why I'm mystified.
The arguments just seem to be getting more and more frequent, and more and more heated. I've always tried to stay calm, but I find myself slipping more and more.
We do have a high-stress home-life. We have two school-age children. One has mild special needs. The other has severe special needs. Realistically, neither parent can be replaced as a carer, and neither of us could do it alone. We are permanently trapped with each other, at least at some level.
I thought about arranging to move out to give her some space. But we just can't afford it. Even if I took a single bedroom in a shared house. She's a SAHM right now, but she's looking to go back to work.
I'd like to reverse the trend, but I feel like we've left it all far too late to repair. I just don't know what to do any more. I feel like I've given her everything she said she's always wanted--except a husband she can stand the sight of. | Marital arguments getting worse. I'd like to salvage things, but I don't know if it's even possible. |
t3_2lmi2r | relationships | Overprogrammed college student (21F) with excellent boyfriend (24M) of 2 months. He lives 30 minutes away, and I worry my friendships are suffering because I'm off campus so much. How can I improve my management of this situation? | Alright, so, I'm a senior in college. I have a full courseload, a job, and a thesis--basically, I'm totally overloaded, but it's all really intellectually stimulating and I'm enjoying it. At the beginning of the semester, I signed up for OkCupid, and rather incredibly, I clicked with the first guy I went out with. We're obviously still in the honeymoon phase, but things are going really well and I think he may have long-term potential. He's a grad student, so he's just as overprogrammed as I am, and his university is 30 minutes away from mine. However, we usually manage to see each other twice a week (I sleep over on either Friday or Saturday nights). I almost always come to him, because I have a car and he doesn't, so it adds up to a pretty decent amount of time spent off campus for me.
The problem is, I worry that this new relationship, combined with all my other obligations, is kind of displacing my friendships. It's not a matter of my boyfriend being controlling or needy, which he absolutely isn't; it's really just a logistical issue. When I'm not with my boyfriend, I'm doing homework, working on thesis stuff, sleeping, or taking care of miscellaneous life things, and it barely leaves me any time to see friends. I miss them, and I worry about offending people by never being available to hang out. That would be terrible, because my friends are fantastic, and I would hate for us to drift apart. Do you guys have any advice for maintaining a good life balance in situations like mine? | Super busy student with great boyfriend...but he's kinda far away and I have to do all the traveling. Worried about the effect of this on my friendships with folks on my campus. |
t3_53pcb8 | relationships | Me [21 M], my roommate [22 M], and the girl I'm dating now [21 F]. They used to be friends but had a big falling out over some really shitty things my roommate said. I haven't told him. How do I handle this from here on? | So this story starts about 4 months ago. I was still with my (now ex) gf of nearly 4 years when I moved in with my roommate, S. When we moved in he had a lot of people over all the time, one of them being B, the girl I am now dating.
At first they seemed to be hitting it off and they drunkenly hooked up one night, he asked her out a couple days later, and she shot him down. She doesn't like him in that way but they have been (were) friends for about 10 years before their argument (not gonna go into details, she had a miscarriage a while back and he was extremely insensitive about it when she got emotional about it.)
In that time that she came over she became a good friend. I did not think of her in another way more than that before I broke up with my girlfriend about 2 months ago. However, we just naturally started texting and hanging out more and more and I realized that she is a really awesome girl. Over the past week or 2, we have been getting all of our mutual friends asking if we're dating or saying that we should date.
On Sunday night we were texting late into the night when we revealed our feelings for one another and then went on a date last night. We both had a great time and enjoyed ourselves and I think we both agree we want to pursue it further. I have not met someone I could be so open with in a long time and she's extremely nice and beautiful. However, my roommate does not know this and I don't know how he will react when he finds out that I'm going out with the girl he had a thing for. They never dated or anything so I don't think I'm breaking any boundaries but in the back of mind I still feel a bit bad. How do I take care of this? | Girl I'm dating and roommate don't get along and have a little bit of history (no actual relationship or anything.). How do I approach it with him? |
t3_54174m | legaladvice | Is it insurance fraud if the company screws up? | Okay, so there is a bit more to the story, but I'm going to give the version that includes the relevant facts:
I live in the USA. I sent my laptop off to get fixed as per the insurance policy I have on it. I sent it to them, they sent it back more broken. I sent it back again, they sent it (presumably fixed) to the wrong address, a family member's 900 miles from where I am. They were going to send a box to the family member's house so that the family member could send it to their office and the insurance company could send it to me. Basically, they were going it handle all the shipping since it was there fault it went to the wrong address. Anyway, they sent a box to pick the laptop up but the UPS guy never delivered it. But, it's sitting in the family member's kitchen. So, I call to explain this. They called UPS and UPS told them that the package was picked up and never made it to the UPS shipping location. Apparently, they think that the UPS guy *picked* it up and that it was on route to their office when it got lost. Now, they said they want to reimburse me for the price of the laptop and the insurance policy *before* the UPS investigation finished because of all the hassle they have caused me.
So, am I legally responsible for reminding them that I still have the laptop, or can I just let them reimburse me? | The insurance company for my laptop is going to reimburse me for the full price of my laptop and the policy because they think UPS lost it; its sitting at home and I told them this on a recorded phone call. |
t3_4jm0ld | relationships | I (22F) feel my friend (25M) of my whole life may be showing interest in me? | I have been friends with "John" my entire life, he's practically like a brother. I have a boyfriend and we have been together for 3.5 years. We hang out with "John" a lot. "John" is just as close to my brother as well. We all four hang out and everything is cool and fun.
Sometimes I catch "John" staring at me and when I catch him, he looks away and when my boyfriend and brother have been out getting stuff from the store and "John" shows up and its just the two of us, there's always an awkward silence. I noticed the other day when I was hugging my boyfriend, "John" wouldn't look at us and it was like that twice. I don't know, maybe it's my imagination because it's not much to go off of but it's just been a feeling I have had lately.
I myself have been comparing my boyfriend to him lately because my boyfriend is a little immature and "John" is too but not nearly as much as my boyfriend. | I think my friend of 22 years may be starting to have a thing for me and I am not sure if I am just over thinking it or if it is true. Any ideas? |
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