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t3_10t6v4 | relationships | need help. [25f][24m]sexually incompatible but happy, not sure if contented. | I[23f] have been dating this guy[25m] for over 3months now, and so far everything seems fine, we get a long so well. We have met each other's family and everyone approves. I would say he is one of the nicest man i have ever met, and an ideal boyfriend.
For that 3mos span of time,all we've done was kiss and cuddle,but last night we went on the next level. I must admit that i was surprised of how unexperienced he was, he seems not to know on what to do and has a small package. And yes i had to fake that i was aroused even though im not, i dont want to hurt his feelings. i've had GOOD sexual experience with my past--its not that im comparing but this one just doesn't even make a good chance of getting there. I like him, but we are not sexually compatible. What should i do? I know relationships are not based on sex alone, but it is as important as others. Any Thoughts? | need help/advice. [25f][24m]sexually incompatible but happy, not sure if contented. dating for 3 months |
t3_14xlh2 | relationships | How can I break up with someone when they're my first seriously relationship? [15/f, he's 16/m, together for 7 months] | Today I realized that, well, I could do better then someone who puts me down all the time and doesn't listen to a word I have to say. He doesn't really make me happy, and he's told me several times I don't make him happy. We fight constantly (big fight at least once every 2 weeks, many small fights in between) and it always ends with him calling me profanities and me just taking it because I feel like I deserve it.
But not anymore.
Thing is.. This is my first time EVER breaking up with someone, or even being in a relationship that lasted longer then 3 months. I have no idea what to do, or say. I'm honestly here looking for advice and support. | first real relationship and he treats me like poop 90% of the time so i'm leaving him. wtf do i do? please comfort me. |
t3_18u6av | relationships | What are some things I [24F] can do to bring passion to my relationship of 6 years with my husband [28M]? | My husband [28M] and I [24M] have been together for 6 years, and things have been rough lately. He says there's no passion, we don't have meaningful conversations, and his heart is starting to go elsewhere.
I feel like I'm mostly to blame, and really want to save my marriage. I work full time, I do all the house chores, we have a young child together, and I am just tired all.the.time.
My husband is a night owl, and I am an early bird, so that adds to our problems as I fall asleep early, and he sleeps in. He works in IT and is always on his computer. He also has an addiction to his phone, which makes it hard to talk to him as we'll be mid-conversation and he'll just stop listening. | Relationship is on the verge of ending due to lack of passion. What are some things I can do to bring the passion back to our relationship? |
t3_2kgtlt | tifu | TIFU By Kissing My Best Friend | So this was a few years back but I definitely still remember it. I was about 16 at the time. My best friend, for privacy let's call her Aly, and I were pretty close. We talked everyday, texted, went out with friends etc. Well all that was about to change. My parents knew hers so if they had to go somewhere and I was bored at home I'd go over to her house since we lived fairly close. One day my parents had a christmas party to attend and I was sitting at home being bored as hell so I decided to give Aly a visit and thought we would watch a movie or something. I got to her house and as usual I was welcomed inside. We decided to go to the basement where there was a projection screen for movies. Coincidentally her parents had something to attend as well so they left about half an hour of me arriving. Now this movie we were watching wasn't exactly clean and so there were sexual references within it. There was this one specific scene which I have to admit turned me on a little. Apparently it effected my friend a little too much and she suddenly came in close. During the heat of the moment I went in as well and it lasted about 5-7 seconds. When we came apart she looked to me and I saw she wanted more. I freaked out and jumped back saying I had to go, almost slipping on the carpet. I went home and thought about what just happened. Maybe I overreacted a little too much, maybe not? She definitely thought so. After that I didn't really go to her house or talk or text her. Thinking back, I still don't know what I should have done but I surely fucked up. | Went over to my best friends house (who is a girl), watched a movie with sexual references, kissed her and as things got hot backed off and ran home breaking our friendship. |
t3_14mh5i | dating_advice | How much contact is too much? | I met a girl online, we talked for a couple days, then I got her number. We then texted quite a bit for a few days before finally meeting up for coffee. She said she'd like to see me again, and I agreed. We told each other we'd plan it later. I then texted her later that night, asking if instead of just meeting up again, she would like to go on an actual date. She said yes, as long as it is casual since we don't know each other really well yet. Unfortunately, final exams are this week, then we will both go home for Winter Break, and probably can't go on a date until after the break. Should I be contacting her almost every day over break, or leave her alone more often than not? I really like her so far and don't want to mess this up. | met a girl about a week ago, she agreed to a date with me but not until after winter break. how much should I be contacting her over break since we won't see each other? |
t3_1qjzuq | relationships | I [24 M] want to date my roommate [24 F] but don't want to | I moved into my current house back in June with my best friend and his girlfriend. Besides the 3 of us newcomers, there were 4 people already living in the house. Since the move we have all become really close and I could not have asked for a better living situation!
But, since the end of July I have started to really crush on my one roommate [24 F]. For the past 5 months we have been spending a lot of time together, talking, seeing movies, live music, dancing, and flirting (I think its flirting but what do I know I'm just a dumb guy?). She is a spontaneous sort of person, think Zooey Deschanel in every single one of her movies, so its hard for me to tell if she feels special feelings for me or if I am just another one of her guy friends. I would consider these hangouts as "Dates" if it wasn't her, and if she wasn't my roommate. Its tricky.
Every time we drink together there is usually some sort of physical contact, and when it happens I get the tinglies all up and down my spine. Its really an amazing feeling, and I want more of it. I love hanging out with her already but I really think we would be a great couple and I think that is the kind of relationship I would prefer at this point in my life.
As I said before, I live with my best friend and his girlfriend so there is double date potential. The tricky part is not disturbing the house dynamic, and making sure that we both can have some alone time whenever we need it, but we are both sane people so I think we can work these issues out.
My big question is, how do I initiate things without coming on too strong and making her feel uncomfortable in her own house? I'm torn between talking it out with her first vs. making a move, then discussing after. I know the dangers of dating a roommate and have come to terms with the pros and cons of the situation, but the issue I now have is how I should initiate it all. | I [24 M] am developing strong feelings for one of my roommates [24F] and I want to know if/how I can turn our friendship into a relationship without unsettling the house dynamic |
t3_3nnv64 | relationships | Whenever I [40M] let my wife [36 F] know she's doing something that bothers me, she consistently replys with "you're doing it too". How do I respond? | My wife and I have been through various states of problems and years of marriage counseling. We've been through a lot and have our share of communication issues. I've learned to not bottle things up and say what's on my mind when appropriate. But it seems like whenever I let her know what she may be doing that is bothering me, she consistently replys with, "you're doing it too"'. It's not like I bug her about things all the time either. Maybe once a week or couple of weeks, generally when a boundary is broken or I feel she is pushing my triggers.
For example:
Me in a calm voice: you're getting real snappy with me for no reason, please stop.
Her: well you're doing it too
She is a very passive person, and doesn't take confrontation well. Gets very defensive very quickly. How can I rephrase what I'm saying or what can I reply with to essentially say "please listen to me rather than attack me back?" | How do I reply to my wife when I express a concern and she constantly replies with "you're doing it too"? |
t3_1fk2ps | relationships | Me (21m) having second thoughts about girlfriend (20f) after 4 years | So I've been dating this girl since I was a senior in high school and she was a sophomore, and now I've just graduated college.
Talk about our future comes up a lot, obviously, as I'm starting to think about living on my own or with her in the near future. She wants me to move in with her for a couple weeks at a time while she's living at school I'm working full-time. Marriage is also a popular conversation topic, and for her it isn't an "if" but a "when" when we discuss it.
The thing is, the past year or so we've started to notice that we aren't really similar at all, but she thinks its a good thing because "opposites attract". I don't really buy that. Basically, as time has wore on, especially recently, I have become really distant. I don't go out of my way to call or text her, and I haven't really been excited to see her lately either. I've been considering ending it, but I feel like it would be incredibly unfair to her.
She is one of the nicest people I have ever been around. She always does little surprises for me, or takes interests in my interests cause she knows I like that. My family loves her and she loves them. And if I were to break up with her it would really come out of nowhere. To my friends, family, and of course her.
The worst part is I've started to hit it off with a female friend I went to school with who I think I have much more compatibility with. It just sucks cause I know I'm a complete asshole for thinking/acting the way I have considering how good my girlfriend has been to me over the years, but I can't help but think that she isn't the one, and the longer I wait the harder it will be for everyone involved if we split up.
Any advice from anyone that has been in a similat situation before? Thanks a lot in advance. | Been dating a girl that wants to get married for 4 years. Having second thoughts and developing an interest in someone else. |
t3_18d7yj | AskReddit | If all goes well, I will be moving to a completely new city far from home, completely by myself. What are some tips you guys have to help me feel not so lonely in the process? | Some details;I'm a 21 year old college guy who's pretty introverted and just got out of a relationship. I'm most likely moving to a new city for the college I'm transferring to in the summer. I will be moving there for good, however as I have no real family or support system here. I'm pretty much starting from scratch and won't know a single person from where I am going. I don't want to make the same mistake I did here and isolate myself again. So any advice on how I might best build new friendships and a support strong support system that will continue to last? | Moving to completely new place solo and don't know anyone there and don't want to be a forever alone. Help? |
t3_4f22r3 | relationships | Me [Late 20s M] with my [Late 20s F], Sleep Habits Minor Issue, Big Precedent | This may be trivial, but I'm worried about setting a precedent I can't live with.
I love my fiancée, but she needs a lot of alone/relaxation time which is problematic, particularly to my sleep. I'm normally happy to give her the space she needs, but last night it became another 15 minute discussion when we were both tired, which I know isn't the best time to chat.
Her daily ritual requires a few hours of total physical isolation(including knocking before entering) in our bedroom, including on workdays when I don't get home until after 7pm. While it's inconvenient, and deprives me of the physical closeness I enjoy, I'm try to be loving and supportive of her. The real problem becomes when I'm ready to go to bed. She knows my schedule requires me to go to bed around 11:30pm, I'm required to give her a warning before I can sleep each night. The warning gives her a 15-30 minute heads up, and she often asks for longer, before I can start getting ready for bed myself.
Getting myself ready, usually requires clearing her things off the bed(laptop, phone, etc), getting water for her pills, and occasionally finding things she's misplaced. Less than once as week, I simply want to plop down on the pillow and don't have the patience for the routine. She generally turns this into a near crisis where I'm accused of not respecting her needs. To clarify, I'm only asking for permission use to bedroom to go to bed myself, and that the rest of our tiny apartment is hers to relax in. Getting shut out of my own bed every night doesn't feel very good. | My fiancée's daily relaxation ritual often denies me sleep(not in a fun way) and leads to us both getting upset. What can I do? |
t3_21e2mn | relationships | I [26M] need to breakup with my [24F] live-in girlfriend, but I can't sack up and do it. | Background: We've been together for almost 5 years, and have been living together for a year. We moved to a new city when we started to live together - we both wanted a new start after losing our jobs in a short span of time back home.
The relationship is at an obvious end though. I find myself not caring about what she has to say anymore, I don't care about her problems, and I don't really care about her feelings. That's obviously a glaring problem. She doesn't deserve that, and it makes me feel like a shitty human being (well, because I'm being one). Our relationship has no future; we both want different things - one of which is kids (she wants them, I don't).
She, however, through all of my bullshit still loves me, and still has a desire to marry me (we aren't engaged though).
I need to end it so that I can move on and find someone that I can treat properly, and so that she can find someone that deserves her. But I can't. I'm a 26 year old man-child, who can't find the courage to do it.
It's not my first breakup, and I'm not even afraid of being alone. But as soon as I think about how much it will hurt her, and how awful it's going to be living with her after I end it (until she moves home, or I move away), I lose the will to do it.
I'm not sure anyone can say anything beyond "It's obvious you need to end it, sack up and just do it", but I'm hoping someone can help. I feel like a coward who can't find the courage to do what's right no matter how logical it is. | I need to find the courage to end a relationship that's very unhealthy, but I'm a coward, and scared of how it will hurt her and of the time living with her while we are broken up. |
t3_35fex6 | relationships | I [21 M] got a job offer and it's away from my girlfriend [22 F]. | I received a job offer, doing a combination of all of the things I love. I'd be working with a good friend of mine, and it's really good for my future career path. However, it's away from my girlfriend of three years.
I am graduating soon, and I have had no luck finding jobs where we live. I'm trying my hardest to find a job near her, but I was told that I'd have to come back within the month to start training. I've followed up on a ton of my applications and interviews, but my lack of experience in the field makes it tough. This company is willing to give me a shot, and I feel like it's my only chance. I may have one more interview next week with a family friend, in the hopes they offer me a position (in the same field), but if it doesn't work out, I may have to leave. | I got a perfect job offer, and it may be my only chance to get my foot in the door in my field, but it's away from my girlfriend of three years. What do I do? |
t3_3dv8jo | relationships | Me [33F] with my uncle[60s]. His inappropriate touching, need to protect my sister [12]. | I'll try to keep this quick. Visited an uncle and aunt a while back. During my stay my uncle patted my ass once with a paper program while we were at a show (in front of people). Too shocked really to do anything, but exclaim in shock. Then later, as I was putting away dishes while they were both watching (some awkward television I removed myself from) He came into the kitchen to tell me I didn't need to put the dishes away. I said I didn't mind and he then gave me a hug in which his hand strayed to my butt. Nothing lingering, just the totally wrong area for a hug, you know?
I'm pissed and freaked out because I have history with this side of family. Mostly my father (uncle's brother) disowning for a few years, because my job might be a bad influence on my young sister... (I worked in the sex industry, my sister did NOT know, and I would never tell her.) But I wasn't allowed in the house for fear of tainting his new family (he remarried and had some more kids).
Now this sister, who mean the world to me, is visiting this uncle with her parents and I don't know what to do. Do I send an firm email to my uncle that his actions were inappropriate and he should stay the hell away from my sister. To their mother (my stepmother) or my father acknowledging uncle's behaviour. I'm worried that my father would accuse me of lying and disown me again. Or my uncle will deny it and the email trail will look like I accused him out of the blue. But I don't want my baby sister to have to navigate pervy uncle bullshit.
This is really fucking with me and the potential can of worms is frightening me. There is no guarantee he will do this with her. I saw him occasionally growing up and didn't notice/remember anything off... but still. ew. | pervy uncle touched my butt, younger sister visiting him this summer. Who do I tell to make sure this doesn't happen to her/anyone. My family already questions my moral fortitude and may not believe me. |
t3_54uoev | relationships | My girlfriend [26/F] lied to me [28/M], but I can't directly confront her. | I'll try to keep this short, but I have caught my girlfriend of almost two years lying to me. She doesn't know I have seen proof she's lying, but I brought up the situation to talk about it and see what she said. We spoke about it for a very long time and I gave her many opportunities to admit it, but she didn't. She even then lied further saying the issue wasn't happening.
I know this post is kind of garbage because I can't go into too many details as she is an avid redditer, but I need advice. I don't know what to do. It's not the biggest issue in the world, but big enough that I can't stop thinking about it. (Round about explanation, I think she might think it's not a big deal and is concealing it to avoid hurting me over something she thinks is nothing.)
But the fact that she lies makes me feel like I can't trust her. The biggest problem is I can't tell her how I got the information, so it's hard to directly confront her. I'm afraid knowing is going to completely kill my feelings for her as my ability to trust her is damaged. I love her very much, so it's hard to even think about confronting her with the evidence.
I feel like I risk destroying the relationship if I confront her, yet think knowing is destroying it as well, only from inside me.
Has anyone gone through this? If so, what did you do and how did it turn out? I'm not willing to be lied to significantly like this, but also not very interested in blowing up the relationship.
Help? | I asked her about a situation that I had proof was a certain way, and she said it wasn't. Even made something up instead. |
t3_3gq8id | relationship_advice | Help, Reddit! [26/m] alone in a new city after ending a 4-year relationship with my [22/f] girlfriend. In a unique position – no clue what to do! | CONTEXT: last year of our relationship was pretty rocky. She wasn't "sexually" attracted to me meaning sex happened once every couple months, she had no at-home etiquette so I was always cleaning up after her, and I just couldn't relate to her problems (lacked empathy for her) – plenty of other reasons why things needed to be called off.
PAST: During the four years together and within the first year we both moved to a new city to attend school. During my studies, I grew distant very from my friends. My interests rapidly changed and I just didn't enjoy any or most of things that my friends did. Eventually, all contact would end. Luckily, I still had my GF who before the relationship was a close friend and during the relationship became my best (and only) friend...and now that relation ship just ended.
PRESENT: After the breakup, we would remain friends. CLOSE friends. Cuddled every once and a while, held hands...typical behavior you usually experience when you mutually end a relationship. But now as time passes by, it's happening less and less often and it seems like that novelty is wearing off.
I'm not used to staying friends with the people I break up with. I usually just learn to hate them so I can move on, but I can't do that this time. She's literally the only friend I talk to and CAN talk to (hence why I'm reaching out to you, Reddit). Losing all contact with her means I'm left alone in my apartment with nothing and that scares the shit out of me. There are a dozen "excuses" as to why I can't go out and make new friends, but that's a whole different story that I'm not going to into (let's just say "social anxiety").
Sorry if this story sounds all over the place. I'm horrible explaining things, but hopefully someone can reach out to me. | Broke up with girlfriend/best friend of 4 years, moved out, and now I have no friends because I live in a new city with an extreme case of social anxiety. |
t3_37mxsk | relationships | I [24 F] don't know if I'm pursuing someone who is uninterested | A while ago this girl that I really liked asked me out on a date. I was thrilled. We went on two dates and they both seemed to go really well. A few days after the second date, I texted her and asked her if she wanted to grab dinner. She said she was at work but she'd let me know ASAP. She never responded, which I get. Sometimes people forget.
So about a week later she texted me and we had a short conversation about school and stuff. I asked her out again and the conversation immediately ended. I decided that she was uninterested and resolved not to text her again. A week goes by with no contact.
HOWEVER, my friend pointed out that it was a few days away from graduation and it might have been too busy etc etc. She convinced me to text her one more time and if it didn't work out then I'd for sure know that it wasn't just bad circumstances. So I texted her and asked if she was still interested and wanted to hang out. No response, so I deleted her number and her texts so that I wouldn't fall into another trap and keep texting this uninterested girl. A few days later she texts me and tells me that she's so sorry and that she'd love to hang out.
Basically, I don't want to be that creepy person who is forcing their company on someone who isn't interested anymore or who just wants to be friends. | I don't know if the girl I'm seeing is interested in me. I'm getting mixed messages that I don't know how to parse. |
t3_32y0v1 | relationships | My [19F] father [M44] lost his business and has been suffering from some major depression. I cannot stand to watch him be a zombie anymore. | So, my Father has been on a decline for over a year now. It started with his business starting to go down the drain. Then he took me leaving for college really hard. Finally, he had to sell his business last October which caused almost all my family to stop talking. Family is really important to my dad and he was really upset when everyone began turning on him for losing the business.
He has put up walls and refuses to talk to anyone about what is going on. He won't come home sometimes and even almost left my mom saying that he could never come home again. My mom is trying very hard to be there for him, but she is getting close to her breaking limit.
He has took a new job a bar that one of his friends own. Now he is spending all his time up there and refers to it as "the shop" (which is what he use to call his business). The owner isn't even paying him, but he feels like he has to save this place.
Sometime he breaks a little and says things like "I'm a fuck up" or "I could have saved it if I tried harder", but then he will deny that he said any of that. He's basically a zombie now.
Before all of this happened, my father and I were really close. He was a great father and we were together a lot. He taught me a lot about life and he was always such a good person. He would always go out of his way to help someone. It's very hard for me to see him this way. I know he feels emasculated for not being able to provide. My Mom and I have told him many times that we do not see him as a failure. He did everything he could for his business.
I want to try and talk to him and try and get through to him one last time. Has anyone else been in a situation like this? How should I go about talking to my father?
Also, I apologize for the rambling. It's been a long year. | My father lost his business and family. This has made him very depressed and has turned him into a zombie. How should I go about talking to him? |
t3_1nshwc | travel | Recently got back from a 4 month backpacking trip around Europe. Been feeling really depressed. Home doesn't feel like home anymore. How do you guys cope with that? | I just don't get the same satisfaction being here any more. I've realized most of the friends I had before leaving were friends out of convenience rather than true friends. They don't really care about me and sadly, I've realized I feel the same about them. It was only due to us working together that we ever went out.
The friends I met on the road I just got along with so much better. There was just so much more openness, and they grew to be family. Most people back here just feel fake now. I've realized how many of my old friends live behind a mask. There are still a few people who I've really enjoyed seeing and had an amazing time with, but it's a small number.
I feel my days are boring and really unfulfilling. I miss being on the road so much. I'm just wondering how some of you guys cope with that feeling, or if you guys even get it.
I don't know if I sound like a jerk here. It definitely isn't my intention. I was really excited to get home and see everyone, but then I got here and was really let down. | Got home from a 4 month trip. Not satisfied being here any more. Most friends I feel different around now, and just generally unhappy. |
t3_1w8ihr | relationships | [Relationship] Me [18 F] with my boyfriend [19 M] 9 mo, He's getting frustrated about not being accepted into a fraternity, I need help on what to do! | Alright. So. Boyfriend was looking forward into being accepted into a fraternity that all his friends are apart of. He asked his mom to send down his suit, he bought a new pair of shoes, and he was looking forward to it until he got the news that he wasn't accepted. . .by one vote.
He responds by saying he'll never rush again, and that it'll just be the 'same shit, different day' if he tries next semester. He's being extremely negative about the whole idea, even when I remind him that it was only one vote. All of his friends lobbied for him, and it was simply down to one vote. I told him he should email the president of the frat and appeal, what have you . . .
But here's what actually concerns me. Whenever he gets rejected, he just immediately just shuts down and goes into negative mode. It bothers me that he keeps brooding over negative facts and is all-around negative. I'm trying to be encouraging but found that I needed to give him a lot of space to feel what he needed to feel about the situation. It's emotionally draining for me to see that he doesn't bounce back from things like this. He just broods and broods and is a vat of negativity.
I can't **make** him try anything, and I'm aware of that. But this has been a ritualistic response for him when it comes to rejection -- he'll just give up, and that's not something I like to see.
How do I give him a swift kick in the ass to get his head out of the ground? Any negative people out there to had a turn of thought when it came to responding to rejection?
Ultimately, I just want to show him that this is just one example of many other examples that life will throw at him. This isn't the first time he gets rejected, and if he keeps on giving up and rolling over to die, he won't get a damn thing in life :/ | Boyfriend is disappointed he didn't get into fraternity, girlfriend wants to find ways to encourage the rut he's put himself into again. |
t3_l9462 | Parenting | Indoor activities for young toddlers. First timer at a loss here! | So winter... is coming.
We spend an hour or two outside of the house each day just wearing her out, and I'm finding I'm at a loss for activities to fill our day when we can't. I've been looking for ways to involve her in my chores and whatnot, but I'm really lacking creativity here.
Kid has a snowsuit for winter of course, but it gets very cold and windy here, such that there will be many weeks worth of cold snaps to fill without playing in the snow together.
Capability wise, she's very mobile and relatively coordinated with her hands. She still has trouble following directions that involve delicate physical skills (has trouble dumping a bowl of ingredients in for me as an example), but I can't say how fast that will come. We spend a lot of time reading books and learning words, but I feel like I should be doing more "fun" things with her that don't involve her toys.
What kind of crafts are appropriate for toddlers? What about 'educational' activities, or motor skill practice can I do with her?
A little about her: she's 19 months, very interested in potty training atm- pushing it more than even I expected to myself, loves to dance and sing and colour and watches too much tv while she's playing... she's learned to turn it on herself when I'm out of the living room, god help me, although I do try to play music as an alternative. All in all she's a bright girl, but sensitive to harsh stimuli and generally eager to please, but getting into some heavy tantruming lately.
I'm tired of reading nursery rhymes and dr.seuss and pointing out words for the pictures we see in her books. It's getting dull! | So, what are some fun indoor activities that you do with your kids under 2? Assume a limited budget, but I'm open to ideas on things I can invest in that will be fun for a while. |
t3_322aow | needadvice | I have dug myself in a hole and I don't know how to get out | I feel like a horrible, lazy, asshole. I am 18 years old and about to graduate from high school. My parents are extremely pissed off at me. It started in the middle of last month when I told them I was going to quit my job and not work. They were PISSED when I told them this. They kept telling me how lazy I am, that they didn't raise me like that. That I am a hard worker and they wont give me a single dime or cent now that I don't have a job.
My grades are also bad right now, I am in process of fixing them before I finish high school though. But today really set them off.
Yesterday I was feeling really sick, so I asked my dad if he could call me out. He said no. Being the idiot that I am, I lied and told him I went to see the nurse. He believed me and I came home. Today my school called telling my parents I never visited the nurse or anything like that. They were both really really pissed off. My mom doesn't trust me anymore, or wont believe anything I say.
They are both just really disappointed in me. I feel awful and I don't know how to get their trust or faith in me back. I have just been throwing it all away for the past year. What do I do :( | I have disappointed my parents so much to the point where they wont trust me, believe me, or help me anymore. What can I do to earn their trust and respect back? |
t3_vkd5d | relationships | Protection during transition from bachelorhood to married life. | Dear Reddit
[i'm new to reddit so please point out breaches in protocol and ettiquette]
In 10 day's I am about to be married. I have been with my lovely fiancée for 4 years. However I have had to live as bachelor for the previous year due to living situation difficulties.
So I have been essentially living a bachelor pad of mess and filth for since august. I am primarily concerned with digital privacy. A dear redittor friend of mind was recently caught having left up /r/gonewild on his laptop before he went to work. This has got me concerned about what my future wife may find that I have not been able to clear as I begin this new part of my life. I am not trying to hide anything nefarious, but just make sure that she doesn't find anything of a questionable nature on my large and unorganized hardrive or on the odd google search on chrome or anything of that nature.
I am planning to:
-Use picasa to find any naughty pictures and delete them
-reset and change passwords
-add a pin number to my phone
-clear browser history etc.
I'm not trying to sound like a terrible guy, i just want a chance to be able to clean things out myself before she stumbles upon something herself.
If anyone knows how to password protect a chrome profile that would be great. | What may I have forgotten to do to clean out questionable material from my bachelor computer? What have you done to make sure the special person in your life doesn't come upon some unexpected files? |
t3_e7a5l | AskReddit | Shouldn't people stop having babies? | Okay, I don't actually mean *everyone* should stop having babies.
I've hit my mid-twenties, and my mind is starting to wander into rather frightening territory involving a job (with any luck), a house, and a family. I've always imagined this family of mine containing several children. I love kids, and I think I'd make a decent parent.
But with the root of most of the world's problems being overpopulation, I'm having a hard time convincing myself that it's okay to create more children... How can we be morally justified to bring more life into this world when there are dwindling natural resources, an unstable economy, and thousands of children already starving or in need of adoptive homes? Shouldn't we all scale back a bit and adopt instead of birth? More children just seems to equal more pollution and fewer resources, which is bad for the environment AND for the children.
Anyway, my current S.O. insists on having biologically-related children, so I'd like to see if someone can convince me that I can birth a child without feeling intense guilt about contributing to global destruction... | Babies are cute, but the world has too many people already. Shouldn't I adopt rather than pop out more? |
t3_42pp6r | relationships | [Relationships] Why am [18f] freaked out by this [18m] | Its my First time posting on my brothers account so yall be nice
Something a guy who has a crush on me is freaking me out in a good and bad way and i dont know why.
A little backstory on this at the beginning of the year a friend i made introduced me to her best friend and her bestfriends friends , and of these said friends (lets call him darius) becomes attracted to me .
While darius is attracted to me he isnt creepy about it he does his own thing and tries to talk to me when he works up the balls to do it and frankly i do enjoy talking to him because he is generally a funny and nice guy to talk to (lot of crass jokes and pop culture references).
But a problem i had with him was that he didnt seem to do much ei he was a slacker that liked to smoke weed once in a while and had no hobbies(or so i thought). So that kinda axed any romantic attraction i might have had to him until this previous week .
Without going to long here im just gonna say i found that darius is some type of genius kid that has a multitude of interest that he doesn't pursue anymore because he lost interest and now im wondering why i and his friends never get to see his smart articulate side more than once a month | found out guy who has a crush on me is the opposite of a bum and its freaking me out at how intelligent and charming he could be when he wants |
t3_3db4lf | relationships | Me 22F with therapist F age unknown one session then nada. Now a text. Should I go back to her? | Hey R/relationships, last week I made a post about feeling lost and confused.I spoke to a counseling service over the phone who then reached out to therapists in the area to set up a meeting. Last wednesday i got an appointment. Turns out I have a verbally abusive brother 20 and an anxiety disorder. At the end of session therapist says she will cal me thursday or friday so we can have several immediate sessions.
Saturday i havent heard anything, so i called and left a voicemail and a few hours later sent a simple text reading, "Hey, will it be possible for me to have another appointment soon?" Nothing.
Sunday still nada.
Monday I call a few times during the day and leave one voicemail. Also sent two texts just asking for when i could have another appointment. These are all spaced out over the whole day. I wasnt bombarding her and I was trying to be super polite. Nothing.
Last night I have an incident with my brother and call the 24 hour counseling helpline my health insurance offers. I am talked down from my state of panic and upset and the counselor says they will find me another counselor this week.
Today suddenly i get a text from the therapist last week, "Hey I am totally booked and am waiting for someone to cancel so i can offer you that spot. Which is very likely."
Is it irrational for me to feel angry that after saying I needed immediate help and that she would call me thursday or friday last week, that i heard nothing from her after reaching out over the weekend? Should i go to her when an appointment opens or should i go with some one new? How do I respond to her text?
Thank you in advance for any help. | New therapist waits almost week to respond to text and voicemail after promising to get back to me in a day or two. Am i right to feel upset? |
t3_1d6u3u | relationship_advice | I [18/M] got back with my ex[19/F] after a week after finding out she is somewhat self abusive and I feel slightly guilt tripped & trapped. | So I found out my girlfriend cheated on me for 5 months, all the while lying to me about him and only getting sexual with me less than a handful of times. I confronted her upon finding hickeys on her neck and she tells me the truth so I leave her.
After about a week we hang out, since we still wanted to be friends, and we are alone and talking and I find out she broke it up with the guy. I also found out she cut herself and hasn't eaten in the week of us being apart. She is miserable and seems to genuinely be sorry as well.
This week apart i'm moving on with our boyfriend/girlfriend relationship until i found all this out so i tell her we can give it another try feeling like she would hurt her self more if I told her no, and I had somewhat feelings for her still.
A few days later I feel like I am unsure if I really want to be with her because of what she did to me and how it is constantly on my mind but I feel if I break up with her again after giving her all this false hope she would be even more harmful to herself.
I feel slightly trapped and need help... I still have feelings for her but more for her to be happy and safe and not to be my girlfriend. Like a good friend while she wants more. | got back with my cheating ex after a week or two due to confused emotions and concerns for her health. Now I feel stuck and scared to leave again for her sake. |
t3_3u8b4b | relationships | My [23F] new friend [24F] likes a guy [26M] who I am still not over. | I [23F] made a new friend recently [24F] at a school association and we get along great. I have a lot of trouble making friends so I see her as a blessing in disguise. She's pretty much the same person I am, just in different bodies.
I had previously met a guy [26M] at that same school association, who I fell for really hard. We used to talk every single day, all day long, we got really close. He knows a lot about me and I know a lot about him. I really liked him, but I was not prepared for a relationship just yet. I have never been in a relationship and this was all new to me and it was overwhelming me (I have severe anxiety) so I simply asked him if we could tone it down a little bit. I don't think he was too happy about that because he cut up all contact with me, and occasionally spoke to me every now and then but we never went back to the same spot of constantly talking. It died down and I was pretty heartbroken because he was exactly what I wanted in a guy - until that point. I never even got proper closure from him which is what is killing me. I don't actually know if he liked me or just wanted someone to talk to.
I am still not over our little thing that never even happened, and now I found out that this new friend of mine is out to pursue him. She told me this after I told her about our "thing that never happened". I see them talking and they do get along great, and I do think they would be great as a couple - but it is killing me. I am not able to get over him, and she is such a nice friend that I don't want to cut contact with her to make myself feel better.
I'm not sure what to do. I don't want to resent her, but I don't want to die in pain of seeing them together. | My new friend that I made is getting closer to the guy who I fell for, how can I get over him and not resent her if they ever do get together? |
t3_35m7za | relationships | My [22M] girlfriend [21F] of 1.5yrs has started talking to her ex...a lot. Says I have nothing to worry about. | So my girlfriend and I have been going out for a little over a year and a half and we have a great relationship. She is witty, ambitious, and sensible and I always feel happy when I am around her, even if I've had a shitty day.
I know I am a jealous guy and I've been a little jealous in past relationships, but it hasn't been a problem with my current GF until now. A few weeks ago she mentioned that she had just gotten back in touch with her high school boyfriend Dave after not speaking to him for years and that they had a nice talk. Okay, no big deal.
But she talks to him practically every other day now. They both play this online card game and she calls him her "game buddy." I trust her, but my feathers are ruffled from this behavior because I have never kept in contact with any of my exes, and I wouldn't if the opportunity arose out of respect for my relationship with my girlfriend.
I think she has noticed that I get jealous when she talks to him because she told me I have nothing to worry about and that it's perfectly friendly. She even gave me reasons why she would never be attracted to him (admittedly because I was sulking a bit...). They went out when she was 15 and she's matured, he does drugs these days and she is very anti-drug, she even wanted to break up with him towards the end of their relationship. All this stuff makes sense logically, but I can't stop feeling bothered whenever I walk in and see her playing that game. I don't know whether I am overreacting or if it's really inappropriate behavior on her part. Help? | Girlfriend starts talking to ex-bf regularly, says that there's nothing to worry about because she would never be interested in him again. Still feel jealous whenever they talk. |
t3_4h9ex7 | relationships | My [27 F] girlfriend ignores me while at my [30 M] house because she is busy but has time to text another guy. Am I being needy? | My girlfriend is busy with school work with all the submission deadlines being next week. We still constantly text each other and meet for short periods of time. However, 2 days ago we argued and it was over a comment I made about her. I apologized and said it was insensitive of me especially during such a stressful time for her. We made up and she suggested coming over to my house to work the next day on an assignment that is due the day after.
During the first 2 hours, we chatted while working together and it felt like everything was back to how it used to be. However, she suddenly had a change in state. She completely ignored me. While working, she was watching youtube videos and was texting another guy at the same time. Sometimes she would giggle at the video, taking a photo and sending it via text. When I asked what happened, she just kept quiet.
After a while (about an hour), I got really irritated and asked why she is treating me like I am transparent, why would she be texting and ignoring me. She replied with "I'm busy working, Are you a baby?", "Do you need me to care for you 24 hours?". I understand that she is rushing the assignment but what irritates me is that she has time to text someone else instead of making conversation with me who is physically present.
After that she just went home and we didn't really discuss the issue and right now it is left hanging. I really don't know what to do now as I really care about her. I feel like asking her out to talk about it but it is a really bad time for her with all the deadlines. Should I just ignore her? or text her "I think its better if I don't bother you now so you can concentrate on your work. Lets talk after your submissions." or am I being too needy and need to apologize to her for being insecure?
I am really confused as this is the first time this had happened to me. Please, any suggestion would be appreciated. | Girlfriend ignores me without saying a single word while we are working together saying she is busy working and needs to concentrate. However, she was texting another guy during this time |
t3_3onbda | relationships | Me [23 M] with my ___ [22 F] 2 year, my girlfriend has anxiety that is troubling our relationship and I do not know how to address it. | My girlfriend has severe anxiety. Because of this she is not able to make friends, go out to social events or even connect to new roommates, hallmates, and people in general. As a result of this I am her only friend.
I love her but I think she has built a dependency on my being around to the point that I cannot have a night with my guy friends or even to myself. We have other slight hiccups in our relationship that I predict can be fixed by helping her anxiety. How do I tell her I think it would be healthy for her to make some friends.
I understand that if I tell her any of this it would add to her anxiety. I know she wants friends and she has tried but I am concerned she has gave up. Please help me! Thank you | girlfriend has anxiety and can't make friends. I want to help her but do not want to make things worse by adding stress |
t3_fpbx4 | AskReddit | How can I stop myself from ruining another relationship? | Cross-post from /r/ihaveissues, sorry if this isn't the correct category to submit.
I'm a 16 year old female. I recently broke up with my boyfriend of three months and have gotten over that well enough. But the reason we broke up was mainly my fault; as soon as I get close to someone I push them away and become disgusted when they touch me. I have issues with intimacy, however, I can be very affectionate in the beginning of the relationship. It just deteriorates at some point. I realize that this may be because of the abuse I experienced as a child. But the main problem here is that I have feelings for someone right now and I think that this will lead to an eventual relationship. I just don't know how I'm supposed to function in a normal, long term relationship. How do I get past my feelings of fear when it comes to affection? Or rather, how do I prevent this from happening in the first place? I'm sorry if this is a weird question. | Fear of affection lead to a recent breakup, but I have feelings for a great guy now. How do I stop myself from messing up another relationship? |
t3_4yuqrs | relationships | I [26F] am dating someone [25M] with a very different love language. Tips on making it work? | We have been together for a year now and at times it is a struggle, but I would really like to make it work. I believe that the grass is greener where you water it and this is what I'll try and do.
For me quality time is the most important, followed by words of affirmation. However, I would consider myself relatively laid back and don't require a lot of reassurance in relationships (I am still friendly with exes and they say this themselves). My bf Frank and I have dated for a year, and it's apparent we express ourselves very differently. Frank took a long time to open up, and he really doesn't seem to need anything from me. I know this sounds horrible, but I mean he doesn't seem to need a lot of quality time, touch, affirmation etc. You might think he doesn't care, but I know he does. I thought I was laidback, but in comparison to him I feel needy.
When I make an effort to communicate, he isn't closed off. He just never seeks it himself. Reflecting on this it's an odd sort of relationship but certainly not a bad one.
My question is, for people who are so different in the way we express each other, how can we work to bridge that gap? How can I show him I care when I'm not even sure what he needs emotionally? How do you crack these types of people? | boyfriend and I have different love languages ( he basically doesn't have one) and not sure how to show each other we care. |
t3_2svl46 | relationships | Me [16 M] with my senior girlfriend [17 F] almost midterms/2nd semester and she wants to break up | So we just started going out this year. I met her at work where we pretty much play with dogs at day care until their owners come pick them up and I really liked her. She asked for my number for "work-related stuff" and then we started texting a lot.
After a month or two, we started texting all of the time and kind of starting dating. We would drive around and listening to music we both like in her car and that's where I realized we had a lot in common. The first month together was great. We'd cuddle up and watch Friends or How I Met Your Mother and talk for hours, but inside, I knew it'd have to end by the end of the year. I talked to her about it and she said that we have to live in the moment and enjoy the time we do have, so I agreed since, you know... I'm a junior with a hot senior girl that likes me.
Things started to change today however. She suddenly started panicking how it's midterms and she's leaving soon. Then, she picked me up to go driving around like we always do and she told me that the best thing for her is for us to break up and to become friends before she leaves for college.
I don't really know what to do. I trained myself to live in the moment for her so we could have fun for a few months, but now she wants to break up. I cannot see myself being friends with her right away, which would only waste the time I have left with her.
How do I convince her to stay with me? Or am I crazy to think we could have a few more months together... | My girlfriend is leaving for college soon and she wants to break up. I want to convince her to stay in a relationship with me for as long as she can. |
t3_3slfr6 | relationships | Me [15 M] with my father [38 M] recently, won't let me lock my door. | I'll make this quick. I lock my room every day because my 5 year old brother will go in and trash it. My bed is ruined, posters off the wall, laundry basket is dumped, an all around mess. My door is a very simple slot lock where you can stick a coin in and unlock it. So, I keep a coin in the picture frame next to my door.
My dad is getting tired of unlocking it, now he forces me to leave it unlocked. Now my brother can freely go in and trash it because my dad simply can't have the 5 seconds of patience to unlock the door. He can't seem to have the consideration or respect for my simple request and I have to pay the price for it, big surprise. It doesn't matter how nicely I ask. Cleaning up my room every day gets a bit old, you know!! | Little brother goes into unlocked room and trashes it everyday. My father won't let me lock it because he is being impatient. |
t3_4keb7u | relationships | My (20F) mum (48F) keeps waking me at night and hitting me? | So I have this habit of grinding my teeth at night. It's pretty bad and I've worn 1/3 of my teeth away already. My dentist says there's not much I can do, I just need to get jaw relaxant shots and my teeth filled in to repair the damage. The problem is, when its night time, my mum will come into my room and rouse me from my sleep so I stop???
My mum keeps waking me up at 2.30am-ish and it means every night I'm getting up for a few seconds to most times few hours. I have a chronic history of insomnia and once I wake up, I find it near impossible to very difficult to fall asleep again.
I keep telling to just let me sleep, there's nothing I can do about it (this is what all the doctors/dentists say). But she's convinced that waking me up is for the best and the real reason I'm grinding my teeth is because I'm not using my willpower enough?? That if I think of not grinding before I sleep, I won't. (I've tried, it doesn't). If I argue otherwise, she yells that I never trust her, that she knows best.
I'm at my wits end. I'm get shit quality of sleep and its effecting my grades and performance at uni. Help? | My mum is waking me up by hit or yelling at me at night to stop my teeth grinding against medical advice telling her to leave me alone. |
t3_2uljqp | dating_advice | I[19M] have been crushing on my friend [19F] since the first week of college, we are now sophomores. Will this get me anywhere? | I'm a guy who has only had short relationships over the past several years. She has never dated anyone, but we seemed to really hit it off the first two weeks of school. I asked her out and she told me she wasn't ready for a relationship. We still hang out and we are really good friends now. Is this the right time to talk to her about my feelings?
If so, are these thoughts alright?
Life is too short and college is flying by too fast for me to not be clear and honest with you. It has been a year and a half, and I have gotten to know you a lot since freshman year. I still like you, and in a sense I know that I have feelings for you. You are not the same person I asked out the second week of school, I feel like you have matured, changed, and improved. You are an even more amazing catch than the girl I met in 2013. I can honestly say that I don't know any girls that are as funny, smart, cute, and cool as you in one complete package. I'm not asking for you to fall head over heels for me. That would be stupid. All I'm asking for is a chance. Let me take you to a movie, take you out to dinner, something. Try me. The worst that can happen is that nothing will come out of it. I feel like we are both mature enough people to where if nothing happens we will continue being friends like we always have been. | Will talking to a girl like this get me anywhere? Should I even try to approach her, or will it just wreck our friendship |
t3_4kof4u | relationships | How to build a social network from scratch in a new city [F 19]? | In 3 months, I'm moving out to a capital of a different country and I want a really wide circle, I'm not talking about having 10 close friends, that's an easy part, but the one I don't know how to go on about is having a circle of literally 5000 people who know who you are and please don't say go clubbing or hit every bar, because I lose touch with people I meet in such places in under 2-3 months and that's not what I'm looking for.
I'm looking for something still, like for several years. I know that uni is a place to start, but for me it's not enough, I want it to be way beyond that. I know it might sound really silly, but I kind of think that using Tinder would be a smart move, as you could build it on many different people, not to mention how quick that would be, just being sneaky with it and getting a foot in a door with people I would not meet otherwise as the city is gonna be huge.
That's at least what I think so far, if anyone knows how should I go about it and has some good, solid advice, please let me know! | Moving to a capital of a different country soon and wanna know how to build a very wide circle of people in a very short period.l |
t3_2d9uvd | pettyrevenge | Obnoxious parking | We have a temp at work. He drives a shiny silver Scion while I have a 10-year-old Toyota that looks like it went through hell and back with slight injuries.
I park on the street because the office's parking lot if usually either full or doesn't have shade. My spot on the street has shade and I can leave fairly easily at the end of the day.
We are located in a cul-de-sac, and usually there are two other cars parked on the street with me. These two other cars are parked right across from my car, so there is still plenty of space on the street in front and behind me.
This temp, however, always chooses to park *inches* away from mine. I'm not exaggerating when I say that I took a measuring tape and saw that he was three inches away from my front bumper one time.
He even had the audacity to back up in front of my car while I was standing outside of it a few days ago. And today when I arrived to work and he was parked across the street, I went out during my break to see that he had moved his car and parked it right behind mine. Still with mere inches left between our bumpers.
This has been bugging the fuck out of me for two weeks. It's unnerving. I've asked two coworkers in his department to talk to him about it but nothing has changed. I'd like to escalate my problem to HR but I don't think it's worth it. And as much as I'd love to peel off his registration sticker, or lay a nail face up by his tires, or put a pebble in his valve cap, I don't think those steps are legal.
So after I finish typing this, I will update our birthday board and misspell his name. | Temp keeps parking his shiny car inches away from mine seemingly on purpose. I misspell his name on the birthday board. |
t3_3643aw | tifu | TIFU by disliking a girl's band page | This happend months ago. It begins with this a girl I ocasionally saw on college, but never actually talked to her. She had a class an hour after mine. One day I said "that's it, I'm talking to her TODAY", and I did. We really got along. She told me she's in a band, and that she's the lead singer. She told me her band's name is on FB, and left. She didn't tell me her full name, and I, in my ignorance, didn't ask for it. A couple of days later I find the band's page and I hit "like", and I sent her a friendship request too. A week passed and she didn't accept my friendship request. I was mad so I disliked her band's fanpage and cancelled the friendship request. So the thursday after this happend I went straight home after class. A week later I did the same... and suddenly SHE sent me a friendship request. I accepted, and we started to talk. She told me she found me on her bands fanpage, how courious because I disliked the page, and thanked me for liking her page. And this is where the TIFU happened. I told her I disliked her FB page because I never actually heard of them, and they had no music samples (I didn't want to be false, and this honesty turned out to be a sincericide move), but that I will when I listen something from them, and she said "ok" and the chatting ended abruptly. A few hours later I found out she deleted me. | I told a girl I disliked her band's page because there were no samples and she deleted me and we never talked again |
t3_3ljadc | tifu | TIFU by masturbating while having a heart rate tracker | I had this Holter thing attached on me two days ago (for no real reason though, i wanted to take diabetic test yet the retarded doctor directed me to cardiology) which was, apparently, going to stay on me for 2 days.
Anyways, yesterday i was sleeping mid-day and woke up having a weird boner and couldn't help myself "do it". And the worse part is, i couldn't help myself "do it" for the second time in next 5 mins.
So i got to see doctor today with my mom (who wouldn't ever come to my doctor appointments since I'm fucking 18 yet she was nervous cause i had this holter thing). When the doctor saw my results he was quite shocked, informing me that i already did have a rythm problem (2500+ unusual rythms in 48 hours). He then asked what i was doing in first day's 3 p.m and I lied i was sleeping.
He stood there, looking to mom then me, and said "You probably had an heart attack... TWICE...". I tried to tell him otherwise, telling him that i had some nightmares and woke up screaming and even telling that i woke up ejeculated from my nightmare. Yet nothing, he wouldn't believe.
He gave me tons of rythm dropping pills (some of them for people who are +40 for the fuck's sake) and attached this fucking piece of ape shit tracker on me for a week more. But the worst part was to see my mother bursting into tears in public and being in that desperate fear of losing his child. And then the rest of my family having the same situation afterwards. | masturbated while having a heart tracker on, doctor diagnosed it as a heart attack, pills he gave me going to ruin me, and the whole situation ruined my family already |
t3_kbf44 | AskReddit | My friend has a (maybe harmful) sleep-walking type-thing. | So this guy is my best bud, we have been best friends for like, two or three years. I'm in high-school, and so is he. We had sleep-overs like almost every week, and for the past year or 11 months, if you would poke him, talk to him, or put something in front of him in his sleep, he would react to it. I call his sleep-self "Cronk" because thats what he always wanted to be named. He fell asleep outside once at a bonfire, and I threw his shoe at him to wake him up, and he started freaking out and pounding the ground yelling about how there was bugs everywhere, he actually pounded his hands on my rock patio, and cut his hand, and did not notice a thing. Another time, me and another friend (plus him) were outside, and he fell asleep, we took him inside (to be good people) he put his arms around our shoulders and said "Okay ladies, thats enough gambling for one night- and no, no more kissing or sexing either. goodnight" and slumped over onto the ground, we managed to move him to the couch when he had tried to kiss one of us, he actually succedded, and managed to create the most awkward ten minutes of my life (it was my fault my friend got kissed). That same night me and my friend (meanly) told him we were his concience, this ended up as him trying to kill me, and trying to escape the house. I want to know if this is something that is possibly harmful? I know it has been, but what should I do? I don't want to tell him I posted this, as he would get mad, but I just want to look out for him. I can't take him to a therapist or anything, just a small thing each night to help him? | My friend has a sleep disorder (I don't know that for sure) and I want to know what you guys think, should I talk to him about it or something? |
t3_4typb0 | relationships | Me [30 M] with my wife [29 F] 5 years, me and a mutual friend kissed. | I'll make this quick.
my wife and i have a great marriage no complaints from me about anything. we have a mutual friend (Grace) who is a flirt by nature and comes off that way towards everyone.
Grace came over to return some tools her husband borrowed from us and we started talking. we were sitting on the couch and she was talking about her daughters birthday coming up.
We turned and faced each other and we kissed for a few seconds before she broke away. she apologized and so did i and she said not to tell anyone because this meant nothing.
I'm conflicted because i want to tell my wife but at the same time it was only a kiss. what do i do? | our mutual and i kissed she told me not to tell anyone because it meant nothing and it was only a kiss. i don't know if i should tell my wife or just brush it under the rug. |
t3_2lputh | relationships | Me 24M getting over self-doubt and thinking I'm not attractive enough | I've been single for a little over a year now. In that time, I've had my ups and downs, and I've met some people I really liked, and find most of the women my age attractive.
My issue is that, I've started to feel pretty self doubting lately. My ex and I broke up because she started feeling attracted to other guys, and eventually cheated on me. This started an initial seed of "maybe I'm not cute enough." I never looked in the mirror and saw a gorgeous guy, but I knew she was attracted to me, and that was enough: I didn't feel the need to be "good enough."
Fast forward, I've hit the gym, I'm in great shape, and have a good body. But I can't shake the feeling that I'm not attractive enough. It's starting to shake my confidence. The feeling started in a minute way when my ex cheated on me, but with each subsequent rejection from a huge amount of women, it started to make me feel like I might not be cool enough for the girls I'm attracted to.
I've tried pushing it with people I didn't feel a spark with, and I know that (for me, at least) it's virtually to become attracted to someone you don't feel a physical spark with. I'm worried (deep down) that I'm only attracted to girls who are "too cute" for me. And while I know it's irrational, I think it's fueled by a feeling that my ex was always too attractive for me, and that she realized it and bailed.
I know this isn't really a healthy way to feel, but I'm wondering what other people do to snap out of it. I feel like I'm as physically attractive as I can make myself objectively, but I have started to feel like it's not enough.
The funny thing is, a decent number of women have told me they thought I was attractive. I know it's sort of just random: the fact that one girl doesn't like you doesn't mean someone you'll be attracted to won't. But I have this fear in the back of my mind. | lots of rejection since my last breakup, and after all of that it's started to make me feel like I'm not cute enough. |
t3_1rakfh | relationships | [28 M] looking for advice on how to not to come across an asshole to [24 F] | So i'll try keep it brief although i think some details are important.
Basically, i hooked up with a girl i work with a couple of nights ago after going out after work and getting drunk. Everyone else had gone home and in my drunken state it hit out with the 'so do you fancy going out for a drink sometime like just us' line (even though that was the exact situation we were in derrrp)
So basically, one thing led to another and i ended up staying the night at hers. Thing is (heres the problem) I've just finished up in a 4 year relationship with my ex a month or two ago and i've been devastated by it. It was a total surprise when she told me she didnt want to keep going.
I've managed to keep on the rails by and large and not just go out and get smashed, get horny and get into trouble. Well, last night the train wobbled. Fact of the matter is, i like the girl as a person and have a lot of respect for her plus i think shes pretty attractive, but i've been plagued with feelings of guilt, shame and regret since it happened and all the raw feelings towards my ex have resurfaced.
To make it as simple as possible, i got drunk and fired into a girl i work with and asked her out. Now i think that was a bad idea and i'm looking for ways to say that without being an asshole. Despite my poor decision making so far, some of the guy responses i've heard so far would undoubtedly turn this hole into the grand canyon so i'm particularly interested in hearing the female side of things.
That said, i do genuinely have alot of respect for this girl and it would bother me if she thinks im a terrible person. Any advice on how to make this not be the case would be appreciated. | hooked up with a girl from work, brought back flooding memories of my ex, now i feel weird and freaked out want to stop anything before it starts in the least assholish way possible. |
t3_131262 | relationship_advice | Making friends? | Hi everyone. Ever since I was a kid I've had problems making friends. I've also really never had that many, 1 or 2 being the max. At the moment I have none except for my boyfriend.
Currently I have a wonderful boyfriend who I've been with for several years. We've been long distance and only visit every 2-3 months. We talk whenever we can and play games together and are extremely close.
When we're together in person I feel fine, because I don't feel lonely or isolated. When I'm at home I basically sit in my room all day waiting to talk to him (I work from home too so that doesn't help). This gets me very upset because I want to talk to someone and be around someone.
While I appreciate our awesome relationship I don't think its healthy to only talk to one person and do EVERYTHING with one person. I really want to make friends and talk to new people but I don't know how to start or where to go. I'd really appreciate any tips. | I don't have any friends other than my boyfriend. I really want to make some. Any tips are appreciated! |
t3_1fdca6 | dating_advice | About to finish Uni for 3 months, should I ask her out anyway? | Right, I (M22) am currently at Uni, and want to ask out one of the girls I know (20), however Uni term finishes in about 2 weeks, and after which, we'll both be leaving for about 3 months, and will be around 100 miles apart.
Question is; should I ask her out now, and hope (if it works out) that we can keep stuff going during the 3 months apart (I'm going to be working 40 hour weeks during the 3 months, and neither of us have a car, so frequent visits aren't going to be easy), or am I better off just waiting until the beginning of next year at Uni?
My main concern, is that it won't work out because of the 3 month gap, as I know long distance relationships can be difficult at the best of times, surely it's almost impossible if you've only been dating a couple of weeks (at least 1 of which I have several exams, so not going to have much time as it is)?
What's your opinion? Should I just "Man up" and ask her, rather than making excuses of how I can chicken out (this has been happening for a while)? Or is it a worthwhile concern, which means I should wait until we're back together at Uni next year? | 2 weeks of Uni left, before 3 month summer holidays, should I ask a girl out before this, or wait till we get back next year? |
t3_274jbe | offmychest | I'm kind of fine with this. | I got out of a long-distance relationship about a month ago -- he was 300 miles away, we never so much as saw each other, never touched, never anything. It lasted a long time, though, almost two years.
A few weeks ago, I started dating someone else, who lives much closer to me, and already I feel great about it.
The other night, on our second date, we fucked in the back seat of his car.
I feel like I should feel bad about this, but... I totally don't. Sex was great, he's incredibly respectful, I dig this guy so much, and holy shit did I ever need to get laid. So, yeah, I'm fine with everything that happened. In a weird way, though, I feel guilty about not feeling that guilty! I feel like I should be more hurt about losing my ex (who I genuinely adored), I feel like I should feel dirty or wrong for having sex with this guy after only two dates, but... man, you only live once, and this was one of the best and most fulfilling sexual experiences I've ever had.
So yeah, | Immediately after getting out of a committed relationship, I fucked a guy I really really like after only two dates, and I feel SUPER GREAT ABOUT THAT :D |
t3_4vq66t | tifu | TIFU by trying to carry 100 pounds of cat litter down three flights of stairs | So my apartment complex is doing home inspections starting tomorrow. I have been a bit lazy for a few months and every time I empty my cat's litter box, I've been placing the trash bag of 15 pounds of cat litter on my back porch. I never go out there, so I would forget they were there and they began to accumulate. Well, I didn't want to look like a complete slob, so I had the bright idea to grab a 50(ish) gallon trash bag from work and put all of the smaller bags inside to make it easier to carry. Turns out, there were about 6 or 7 bags of litter on the porch. That equals roughly 90-105 pounds of litter. This, I didn't anticipate. Even getting it from the back of my apartment to the front was a task in itself. I made it out the front door and decided to try to "strong man" the bag by cradling it in my arms and carrying it on my gut and chest. This lasted for the trip down the first flight of stairs. I had to stop for a breather. When I picked the bag back up, I felt my finger tips break the outer bag. Now mildly panicking, I raced down the second flight of stairs and as I did my fingers broke through the inner bags and litter began to trail behind me. I made it to the ground floor and I was losing litter fast. I stopped and thought for a minute and had to resort to taking each bag out one at a time and placing them in my backseat without the protection of the bag from work. I double bagged the two that ruptured and were leaving litter everywhere and took them all to my complex's dumpster. I came back and swept up my mess as best as I could. Now I'm sitting in front of a fan on full blast, panting, and dripping in sweat. | I tried carrying 90-105 pounds of cat litter in thin trash bags and they ruptured and made a huge mess. |
t3_3oa46u | weddingplanning | How did you know when you found the right venue? | Guys, I'm really discouraged. My FH and I have been looking at wedding venues for the past few months and still haven't found one that felt right. Several that felt like "yeah I guess we could make that work," but none that I really feel great about getting married at. We're planning on getting married next September (no firm date) and I was *really* hoping we'd have a venue booked by now.
I know I'm probably putting too much pressure on this decision, but I feel like I'm completely failing at wedding planning. I'm bummed out to the point that I'm not even looking forward to all the fun things anymore, like designing our invites or looking for a dress, because our wedding isn't going to look or feel right regardless if I can't find a decent venue.
Is there anyone else who had this problem? I can't figure out if I should keep looking for something that actually feels right or settle for what I've already seen. How do you know when to stop looking? Did you find the perfect place, or did you have to figure out how to make one work for you? | Can't find a venue that I actually want to have my wedding at, not sure if I should keep looking or just pick something and hope I feel better about it later. |
t3_2afldb | relationships | Me [24 F] with my BF [29 M] of two years, seemed like he was fading out, and now wants to pay for my student loans. What the heck is going through his mind? | My BF and I have had a great relationship over the last two years. We met at college, he was a grad student, and I was an undergrad in his field. We met up again when we found work in the same city and were together since. He's a quiet sort of guy, but over the last week, things seemed really strange. He was quieter than usual, didn't seem to be paying attention to things I said, or just ignoring me when he was away from me. I'd seen this before with an ex in high school, so I thought he was just being incredibly immature and trying to fade or get me to break up with him, but I wanted to confront him about it and was trying to figure out what the heck was going on....
But last night, he comes over, and tells me that he's been thinking about it for a while, but he's considering paying off my student loans. I have a sizable chunk in student loans I have to pay off. This is a ridiculously large amount of money. I told him I wasn't comfortable with accepting that much from him, but he got really insistent, saying being debt free would make the future so much easier, that he didn't expect anything back, he was just trying to figure out a use for some of his money, etc. I told him I'd think about it and we should drop it for now, but he got frustrated and left for his place.
I know my boyfriend has a large inheritance from his dad passing a few years back, he told me about it a long time ago. He's never been the type to spend a lot, and he's always been really really good with finances. He helped me plan out my budget/loan payments a few months back, which is why I find it super odd that he's suddenly super impatient about getting MY debts paid off. I've talked with my parents and friends, everyone has a wildly different opinion | My boyfriend is insisting that he pay off my college loans after I thought he was trying to get me to break up with him, I have zero idea what is going on, or if I should accept his money. |
t3_2hd658 | relationships | I (20F) don't know what my boyfriend (26M) of one year should do when I go abroad. | Okay, so to start off, my boyfriend and I have been together a little over a year and things are great. We have amazing chemistry when we're together, we always do stuff together, and we never have extended fights. I love him so much and I can definitely say he's one of my best friends. We live about 90 minutes apart but we see each other every weekend (more or less).
He's originally from Brazil and had planned on going to visit family from mid-December to mid-February and I've been planning on studying abroad in the Spring. Originally, I planned on applying to a program that was from January to May but my advisor didn't think the program was advanced enough so now I'm doing a program from February to July. Therefore, I won't see my boyfriend for 7 months.
I've been going back and forth for a while now about what to do. Personally, I think it would be better to break up on good terms and then see where we both are in life when I get back and see if we want to continue the relationship or not. I'm afraid that if we tried to make it work it would end up ruining our relationship. I know I'm going to be very busy and I don't know how much I'll be able to keep in touch with him.
But at the same time, the thought of not having him in my life is really bringing me down. It's a problem of wanting the best of both worlds, but I know I can't have both nor is that fair for either of us.
I guess I'm just looking for advice and if any of you have experienced this before. | My boyfriend and I won't see each other for seven months and I don't know if we should try to make it work or end it on good terms (possibly temporarily). |
t3_37ci5m | relationships | I'm [23M] not sure how to feel about an age difference with this new girl [19F]. | 19 and 23. 21 and 25. 25 and 29. 28 and 32. Sounds better as the numbers go up, right?
This girl I have recently started seeing *just* turned 19 while I turn 24 a little bit later this year, 4.5 year difference. She's very intelligent and has her head on incredibly straight for someone that young (not that I'm that much older).
Normally I've always gone for women 2-3 years older than me due to the fact that lots of people my age/younger than me don't know themselves that well. This is probably the main thing that attracts me to her is that she knows why she feels/thinks certain things and has obviously put a lot of thought into why she has certain opinions, etc. Plus she is good at articulating her point and effectively arguing her view in a debate.
I don't think about the age difference often but I'm reminded of it whenever I hang out with her friends. They are all around 18-21 and are in the "life is a party" stage of life, which is understandable but I got that out of my system quite a while ago. I made the decision to just not hang out with her friends that often, I have my own friends that I relate to more as they are quite a bit older than me. She tends to end up babysitting most of her friends and doesn't get wild when she is partying.
Overall, I don't feel like it's a huge issue but sometimes I just feel weird about it. I remember how naive I was when I was 18/19 and it just feels kind of weird because in my opinion people don't really balance out until they're 25.
I can talk to her about it but it wouldn't do any good since she can't change her age. Can y'all possibly help me open up my perspective about this so I won't feel weird about it? | Started seeing a 19 y/o girl, 4.5 year difference, mature but age difference makes me feel weird sometimes. How can I change my thinking about this? |
t3_t3tcv | dating_advice | The guy whom I like very much messages me instantly, but where does it go? Shall I be the first one to ask him out? | Repost from relationships sub reddit.
I've met an awesome guy through our common friend. I added him on facebook, he started messaging me immediately. It was 1,5 weeks ago. He messages me, send lots of boobs, pictures with girls, tells me how he got kissed by a random girl and complains that he didn't like it, asks me to cook him smth one day, always says like "Hey I'm a man I'm gonna decide for you! Quit smoking if you want to continue communicating with me" and bla bla bla. But these are only talks, no actions.I've tried to invite him twice to join us with our common friend for a walk, but he didn't (later both times he said he noticed the msg too late) Yesterday I've got a message from our common friend inviting me to join them for a walk. I was hesitating, but he messaged several times. I came but nothing special happened, we've been chatting altogether So wtf? I can't understand the guys attitude. We are all mature people (i'm 23, he is 25)Is he just a chatterbox and bored at work? Or he is a little shy to go any further (he is quite shy in real life actually). What to do? | The guy whom I like very much messages me instantly, but doesn't invite me anywhere. I can't understand if it's going anywhere or just waste of time |
t3_31tccz | relationships | I [24M] can't figure out why my GF of 4.5 years [24F]'s parents are uncomfortable with our apartment roommate. | Ok, so my girlfriend and I live together with one other roommate. He's a great guy that loves to cook and is really outgoing. He makes giant breakfasts, lunches, dinners, desserts. And his favorite way to spend the weekend is having us sit back and test out his new dishes (stuff like a new cake or pie recipe).
Anyway, I'll admit that the 2 of us have put on a bit of weight as a result (about 40 lbs each over the past year and a half), so our clothing styles have changed a bit. I basically just went from jeans to sweats, she went from jeans to yoga pants, and we both spend most of our time in slippers.
But, both of our parents came to visit last week and it felt like you could cut the tension in the room with a knife. At the end of their stay, my GF's parents asked if we were planning on ever getting a place for just the 2 of us, and they brought up that our roommate "rubs them the wrong way". And so, I don't really know what to think. Thoughts? | My GF's parents are hinting at us finding a place for just the 2 of us, without our current roommate. Why? |
t3_28kumc | relationships | Me [19M] worried about joining a dating site, help? | Hey guys. I'm 19, been in relationships in the past (one lasting 2 years and many other little ones in compassion). I'm not really a party boy, I don' like to drink and i don't really party so as you can imagine it can be hard to meet girls :P I'm a pretty outgoing guy despite not partying, into exercising and I'm not to stupid so I like to think my worries about joining aren't to do with confidence issues :P
Anyway! Recently I have been thinking about joining a dating site that I have seen a lot of people my age on but I'm worried about what people will think of me if I do...
So what I want to ask is, is joining a dating site something that I should be worried about? Or will there be a certain stigma placed on me for doing so? | Pretty much, worried about joining a dating site/Should I be worried about it? and is there still a stigma around dating sites? |
t3_2xiuj7 | relationships | Me [22F] and the man of my dreams [35M]: have been flirting for a month, should I ask him out? | So, there's a local shop that I frequent and I've recently become enamored with the shop owner. We've known each other for maybe a month and a half and I can tell he's interested in me (he's slipped in personal questions about if i'm single, how old I am, my interests) and i've been dropping hints to let him know i'm interested in him.
His shop is never empty. It's the kind of place that the patrons go more for the conversation than to actually purchase anything. I want to ask him out, but I really don't want to do it in front of his customers that always congregate around the check-out counter. How do I broach the subject??!! Would it be cheesy of me to pass him a note with a question on it like "wanna grab a drink?" and leave him my number?
I'm a little more self conscious about this than usual because of our age difference. I'm a 22 year old college kid and he's a 35 year old business owner. Is he out of my league and that's why he hasn't made a move yet? | Young woman self conscious about asking out an older man for drinks. How do I broach the subject, or should I just wait and see if he will ask me? |
t3_fg4lu | cats | Complications with Eniac | When we brought Eniac home from the shelter he started having some issues. He was not peeing in the litter box, his urine was discolored and he was continuously itching which we assumed was fleas. Aside from that he was acting like a normal cat and was already playing with my other cat. I took him into the vet as soon as possible and they diagnosed him with ringworm. Unfortunately it had already been long enough that I am not covered entirely in sores from ringworm and my other cat has 3 sores on his face. I am unusually susceptible but it still sucks. In regards to the urine problem they did a urine analysis and it came back positive for a UTI and unusual amounts of bilirubin. He is now on antibiotics for the UTI but had to go back for bloodwork because the bilirubin levels really concerned the vet. In a cat his age (4 months) he should not have those levels. She phoned the shelter that I had received him from and has been having difficulty getting straight answers from them as to what medication he had been on if any and any other problems he has had. They are paying for his bloodwork and if it comes back positive for ANYTHING they have agreed to pay for my other cats bloodwork in case it is something contagious. If it is something non curable they have agreed to take the Eniac back as I can not deal with losing another cat this soon after the incident with Cmos recently. This whole thing just has me shook up because I am terrified it might be something contagious and fatal and that my other cat may have already been contaminated. Opionions? | I received a cat from a shelter unknowing of some MAJOR issues and my other cat may pay the consequences. |
t3_4iedp1 | relationships | My [18M] ex [20F] wants me to meet her new BF [20sM], how can I tell her I don't want to without being harsh? | I am probably being really immature about this but a few days ago my ex (we broke up 6 months ago after going out for 6 months but it was a very intense 6 months) who is now my friend told me a few days ago she has a new BF and at the same time told me she wants me to meet him.
I guess I should be ok with this as we are friends but I don't see any good that can come of it. It will be awkward for everyone and we don't even see each other that much anyway, we only speak on Facebook and haven't met up for months. I feel a little bit like it is a ploy to make me jealous which at the moment I don't really feel but if I see them together it could trigger that feeling in me. I feel like it is a waste of time. I don't care about him, I don't care if she is with him, I don't want it shoved in my face. I guess I am still immature.
So two questions: should I meet him? If not how can I say this nicely without being a complete asshole? | Ex wants me to meet her new BF but I really don't want to because it will either be a waste of time or make me jealous. Am I acting immature? How do I tell her I don't want to nicely? |
t3_2vwavr | tifu | TIFU by not knowing how to put a straw in my drink | This happened about half an hour ago :) I frequently ride my skateboard up to Chick-fil-a to get some lunch on Saturdays. And today was no exception. I order my food sit down and go to put my straw in my drink (Dr Pepper), but it wont go in all the way becuase the ice is in the way. Normally if you just force it in it'll cooperate, but this straw was different. I started pushing it down into my drink and moments later liquid starts gushing all over the tray with my food. I'd poked a hole in the bottom of the Styrofoam cup -.- And on top of that, I got it on my jeans and shoes both of which were grey. I looked down is shock and dismay, threw the cup away, sorta cleaned up, ate then got the fuck out of there. | Went to chick-fil-a, straw wouldnt go in my drink. Forced it in, poked a hole in the cup and got dr pepper all over my jeans, shoes and tray with my food. |
t3_13m5cf | AskReddit | I may have saved a little girl from almost drowning. Reddit, have you ever realized you may have saved someone's life? | For background, I am 14 years old, this happened at a water park this summer. I was there with my mom, brother, little sisters and the little girl (around 8 years old) was my sister's friend. Also, my friend came along as well.
So we have been at the water park for maybe an hour and my friend, brother, and I go to the 6 or 7 foot end of the pool, we are just hanging out right at the edge. My sisters and their friend are just coming from the bathroom I think and the girl decided to come over to the deep end and do a cannon ball and she didn't realize that it was so deep. So she jumps in, and she floats to the top and I'm not sure what happened next, it all happened really quick. She starts splashing around and I realize she can't swim and I look around at everyone thinking is anyone gonna help her??? That's whats fucked up, there are about 15 other people around, not more than 5-10 feet away from her, AND there is a life guard who doesn't even notice what's going on. I was really confused at what was going on for about 10 seconds and I realized I had to do something, I swim over to her as quickly as possible. I pull her over my back and swim over to the edge of the pool so she can grab onto it. EVEN AFTER all that, everyone is just floating around like it didn't happen. She says, "thanks" and runs away to her friends. My friend also seems pretty confused after all that and just says, "good job, man". After that it seemed like nothing happened and I just think maybe I overreacted and she wasn't in danger but now I realize that I may have saved her from drowning. I haven't even told anyone about it yet and I'm pretty sure the girl and my friend just forgot about it. | I may have saved a girl from drowning, no one noticed because they were busy being douche bags, and everyone seems to forget except me. |
t3_m6y54 | dating_advice | How do I deal with feeling all eyes - male and female - are on me when I walk into a bar or party? | I'm 20, female, and single.
On a typical day, I'm wearing little to no makeup, a t-shirt and jeans. I blend in for the most part and I'm comfortable in that zone. But when I'm getting ready to go out with friends, either at a party or to a club or bar, I go all-out - do my hair, put a lot of effort into my makeup, bust out the push-up bra and wear something that shows off my body.
I'm not saying I'm gorgeous and I don't want to come off as cocky, but I notice when I put effort into my appearance and go out, it seems like all eyes are on me - guys seem to be eying me up, and girls seem to be judging me - and I'm not used to being [seemingly] an object of attention.
How can I handle this smoothly without it changing the way I act or behave? I notice when I get all dolled up, I find it hard to act like myself. How do I tap into the confidence, friendliness and wit that I have when I'm just being myself in a t-shirt and no makeup when I'm dressed and made up? I feel like I'm a huge bitch when I look nice and I want to change that, it's not who I am and it's uncomfortable!
I guess what I'm trying to say is I feel self-conscious of how different and attractive I look and it affects my ability to really be myself.
How do I get over this? | I feel self-conscious and out of my element when I put effort into my appearance and I want to be as comfortable and genuine in heels and a skirt as I do with my hair in a ponytail and my glasses on. |
t3_22ppj0 | relationships | She [24/f] is quite guarded to me [25/m] despite her being attracted. How do I get her to open up? | I met her a year ago in person, exchanged numbers, and kept in touch. This past weekend she came into town (from eight states over) and we had a lunch date in her little free time. It went well!
However, anytime in the past year I've tried to be directly flirty, sweet, or what have you - she never really responds. But, she is interested (take my word for it)! Previously, she told me she's waiting until she moves here (in 3 weeks) to get to know me, so I don't think the date we just had counts.
Either way, it's a little frustrating because I know she's had some trust issues in the past. This is demonstrated by a "man fast" she went on (and informed me about so I knew why her communication dropped, temporarily, until I said I'm not doing games). I want her to start opening up, to trust me (she said in the past how genuine I am is scary in a good way), and to stop (I feel) playing texting/calling games - eg: her texts are typically brief, she'll end phone calls early out of the blue - it's like she's running reverse game on me.
She's moving to my town in three weeks, and on the date we agreed to see each other again when she moves. However, a few days after the nice date, a few innocent texts I sent weren't replied with sweetness, and it's getting frustrating.
Any insight, or ideas? | Girl, who is interested, is guarded even after talking casually for a long time and having a nice first date. I'm not sure what to do. Advice? |
t3_2xnin3 | relationships | Me [20 M] with my girlfriend [20 F] of 1 year are currently in a long distance relationship. Both in different countries, madly in love. We visit each other often, but she's going to be studying there for the next 6 years at least. I don't want to give up, I need advice please. | So yeah, pretty self explanatory. She goes to school in a different country and will definitely be there for at least 6 years. I am thinking of doing something in the health field so I will probably also be in school for a while, but my parents just can't afford to send me off to the same country to study, so Im basically stuck here.
We love each other an insane amount, try to Skype at least 4-5 times a week and we ALWAYS visit each other when we have breaks like Christmas break, thanksgiving, spring break etc (we also have 4 months together in the summer). We also pretty much text each other all the time. The relationship is really healthy, never been in an argument or anything, and I know it's early but it's pretty much seems like it's heading to the marriage direction. We promised that we wouldn't give up but I still always think about the future and how I could try to make this continue to work out, but I need some advice. Anything helps, thanks. | long distance relationship, will be in different countries for a few years. We skype/text often and we don't want to give up, just need some advice. |
t3_2p4z3g | relationships | I'm [17 M], and I have a question with a girl [17 F] I asked out. | So long story short, asked out a girl I just met after school, she said "let's get to know each other a little bit". I got her number the same day, texted her the same day, this was 4 days ago. Yes I know it was pretty fast, so anyways...
Just now I sent her a message if she wanted to "grab something to eat with me over the weekend" since she said she wasn't doing anything at all. Now I also mentioned "I want to get to know you more in person". Not sure if I said this the right way, but w/e it happened. So now my question is, is this considered "hanging out" or just having like a 1-on-1 meet up? Will she consider me as just a friend after this? | Asked a girl if she wanted to grab something to eat with me, wondering if this will make her think of me as a friend. |
t3_3j8qq8 | tifu | TIFU: Getting a cheap paint job at Maaco | I had a car that needed a paint job. For Christmas, my parents bought me a Maaco $99 paint job. So the night before taking into the local Maaco, my buddies came over, and decorated it with spray paint, with a variety of nice dirty words and penises sprayed all over the place.
The unfortunate thing for us was that the Maaco $99 paint job didn't include a primer coat, and the spray painted decorations showed through, plain as day, after the paint job was finished.
We had to pay, out of pocket, for them to respray the car with primer, and another coating because of our stupidity. | Were getting our car painted, didn't realize that spray painted profanities and dicks would bleed through when it was repainted, had to pay for a much more expensive paint job out of my own pocket. |
t3_34nf3g | tifu | TIFU by giving my 6 year old cousin a first class ticket to destroying my new, expensive phone | This literally happened 37 minutes ago
I recently got interested in Virtual Reality. Therefore, I purchased Google Cardboard to truly experience Virtual Reality. It arrived today around 12PM. I was so excited about my "Occulus Thrift", I decided to call over my uncle who is very tech-savvy to come check it out. So after about half an hour, I constructed the cardboard and inserted my S5 phone. (This was a gift from my uncle for starting school.) Soon after, they arrived. I showed all the adults the cool features. Then the child wrecking ball asks to use it. My uncle bought me the S5 so I don't wanna act spoiled. So I put him on a flight sim and I say "you don't have to move, I'll do all the piloting". He shakes his head in agreement. So I'm piloting the plane on my pc forward, then this kid decides to run straight into the wall. Out flies my expensive S5 and the small pig runs straight into the wall. Huge goggle like bruise on his face. My phone won't turn on and my aunt is upset with me. | Let my young cousin use my VR toy. He decides to have a fit into the wall. My expensive phone flies out and breaks. |
t3_201vzm | relationships | I [22F] was blindsided with a break up and have the worst anxiety/having trouble functioning | I was with a guy for 6 months. We became best friends. We moved too fast we both knew it and I was actually thinking about proposing us not living together so that we could feel a little less always together as we always do.
I've asked him a few times if he felt trapped or anything because he started out not wanting a relationship. Saturday night/Sunday morning after we were at a friends birthday he tells me he's been thinking he needs to love back in with his mom and be single and whatever.
This essentially came out of nowhere because every time I asked how he felt about us or tried to keep an open dialogue he told me I was worrying about nothing and he loved me enough for us to be okay. Now he's saying everything was fast and he has to leave. He moved his shit out at 230 that morning
I'm just upset and I feel so so stupid. He made all the moves because it's hard for me to really trust anyone with all my shit... He initiated the relationship, he told me he loved me first (WAY too soon in my opinion I waited a bit because I was unsure) and then three weeks before he leaves me he gets me a dog... That I now have to figure out how to take care.
How do I do this? I spent 97% of yesterday crying I had to take Xanax to sleep because I hadn't in over a day I skipped work and I haven't eaten in two days because I just don't have an appetite.
It sounds dramatic and maybe it is but I've got two terminally Ill people in my immediate family a narcissistic mother and all of my closest friends live nowhere near so my support system is dismal at best. I work so often I don't have time to do much.... How do I stop moping? | what do you do when you're pretty much blindsided in a relationship and are all alone and under a lot of pressure other than sort of lay down and give up? |
t3_1mcm98 | AskReddit | What is your best "that didn't go according to plan story?" | When I was in 8th or 9th grade me and my friends always did stupid stuff. Then again who didn't at that age.
The Plan: Gather up as many phonebooks as we could find (yellowbook day outside of D.C.) and stack them in a huge pile and light them on fire and be stupid kids. We get probably around 100 of them and stack them up in the middle of a cul de sac. We light the phonebooks on fire and start dancing around having a jolly good time. We were smart enough to have someone watching for cars in case we had to run but not smart enough to realize we were lighting a fire in the middle of a street with 20 houses around us.
Where it went wrong: Our awesome lookout was doing his job dilligently as my friends and I danced around it. All of the sudden we hear "CAR!" So two of the four kids dancing take of running. My buddy and I pause and look and there is no car. We look at each other and keep dancing. Little did we know that our lookout panicked at the first sign of trouble and gave his signal. Only it wasn't a car, It was a guy walking out the front door of his house to see what the hell was going on. Next thing I know there is a guy 20 feet behind me who yells "what the fuck are you guys doing?" In my panic I take of running in the direction I was facing. Which so happened to be right through the fire. Now its here where my attire comes into play. I was wearing a gorilla suit I owned because why not, I wore that thing every where then. well it turns out that fake fur is incredibly flammable. So as I am running through this neighborhood the legs of the suit are on fire and as i'm running the whole suit is starting to go up in flames. I am literally rolling down a grass hill on fire scrambling to get away while scrambling to take the suit off. needless to say taking a jumpsuit off while sprinting is incredibly hard. R.I.P gorilla costume, you were awesome while you lasted | danced around a bonfire in the middle of the street in a gorilla costume. While running from a home owner caught the costume on fire. |
t3_de76c | AskReddit | Engineering Management class: I need to come up with ideas for a product to develop. | I'm taking an management class for engineers. Our team is supposed to "bring to market" some fictitious novel product. We'll be developing a business model and writing papers about our decisions for the next 10 weeks. I was hoping reddit could come up with some fun ideas for me to work on!
* The product should be something relatively small (microwave oven or smaller) and be relatively simple (no electric cars or sophisticated robots).
* The product cannot be mostly software; software heavy products do not lend themselves well to the type of multi-discipline teamwork that we are focusing on.
* The product must not require significant new technology breakthroughs to exist. (For example, no personal jetpacks or cold fusion power sources.)
* The product can be an improvement in functionality of an existing product. Previous classes have developed a "blind spot warning system" as an add-on for a car and a wireless upload system for a digital camera.
* Remember, these products must fill a need large enough for customers to buy them. Novelty products do not make good projects. | In engineering management class, I need to choose an interesting product to "develop". The product must 1) be small, 2) be simple, 3) use available technologies, 4) can't be a novelty. |
t3_mm59c | AskReddit | Hell is about to break loose (once more) in my circle friends and beyond. HELP! | I didn't know which subreddit could help me better, thought this would be the best.
Ok, so long story short, 2 years ago some no-life girl(s)(?) made this facebook account, somewhat like a novelty account here on reddit, but the whole point of it was to let everyone know the "secrets" of the people by posting it on that account (From what what people told me it was pretty much like what the they did on this gossip girl tv show). This person wasn't targeting an specific group of people, it was all more "town-wide".
After a few months, many personal lifes shown to public and friendships broken, this girl decides to give away the password of that account to everyone, and at the end no one knew who was behind all of it.
Before she did this, I tried to team up with a friend and hack that account and reveal who that person was, all of this ended up in failure because I didn't set up the keylogger properly and she didn't get her computer infected. (This is because I have no knowledge in hacking whatsoever and those youtube videos don't really help.)
Now another person is doing the same thing but with a twitter account and a blogspot site, the important thing here is that this person is just making up stories that I know by a fact that are completely fake, but everyone else believes they are true.
How can I stop this new(?) person from unleashing all the drama again? | Someone made a twitter account and started to spread fake gossip around and talk BS about people. How do I stop him/her from before it's too late? |
t3_2bi8ei | askwomenadvice | should I really care if my boyfriend forgets to give me a birthday present? | We have been dating almost 9 months. My birthday (19 F) was a month ago. Boyfriend (23) couldn't afford to get me anything special at the time. Got me a case of beer as temporary present and said he'd get me something better come next paycheck, but as I'm in England for a month, I won't receive it until I return.
also on my birthday, I had to pay for our own breakfast. of course, that was my choice, but he could not even afford his own.
I felt bad for him for being broke, although slightly annoyed, as my dad's friend pointed out, "He has known when your birthday is for months, he could have planned ahead"
But apparently he had an unplanned bill..
He is very forgetful, and although I feel guilty for thinking this, I have a feeling he may forget to get me a present. and if he does forget, should I care?
He also mentioned that he would send me a letter while I was here.
1 week to go and no mention of sending any letter. (I've casually brought it up in conversation once by saying, "You haven't asked for my address yet:o"
He does do a lot for me, however. He drives to come see me from where he lives 20 minutes away multiple times a week, even though his car is a gas guzzler. to me, this seems like the bare minimum, but he claims that this is how he shows his love.
He also works an odd schedule, working all night and sleeping all day. so sometimes our hangouts will mean a bit less sleep for him, although he does come over very early in the morning (not my favorite time) and leaves before 12 so he can get a full 8 hrs.. | boyfriend loves me and shows it with words, but not through actions necessarily. Do I have a right to be upset if he does not do things he said he would do? (Like send letter and buy me present) |
t3_24ziek | personalfinance | I am a grad student that wants to start a solo-401k, what portions of my income are eligible? | I am a 26 year old grad student in the United States who is married (my wife makes $55k a year). We are maxing out both of our Roth IRAs and her 403b. We came into a good bit of money that is currently sitting in taxable accounts. We don't plan on spending it until our retirement. In effect, we are looking to slowly convert this taxable money into tax-advantaged money by maxing out all of our tax-advantaged opportunities. In that regard, I am considering starting a solo-401k. After conducting some research, I am still unclear on which segments of my income are eligible to be contributed to the solo-401k. I've listed my yearly income below. Any information on what I can contribute would be greatly appreciated.
**My income:**
Student Stipend: ~$43,000
Conference Speaking Fee (from Brazil): ~$3,000
Adjunct teaching: ~$7,500
Consulting: ? (none yet, but there is a potential of some on the horizon)
I would be glad to answer any questions. Thank you for your help! | I want to start a solo-401k, but I don't know what exactly is considered "eligible income" for this purpose. |
t3_mp0f5 | AskReddit | Why do people have the mentality that highschool sucks and college is great? Is there a social/psychological explanation for this? | I'm a freshman in college. I was browsing r/highschool, and a lot of the comments there share the same theme. Things like how all the assholes you meet in highschool (and invariably, the opinion is that they are always everywhere in highschool) will be gone once you enter college. Someone commented in r/highschool, "all the assholes you meet in highschool will be gone once you hit college". If there are so many assholes in highschool, then aren't some of them going to college? Why is the social dynamic in college completely different from that of highschool?
And this opinion isn't just relegated to reddit, I've heard this opinion expressed to me by real life peers as well. But more than that, in my personal experience, this opinion also holds true. Someone once told me "People just weren't nice" when asked about why they considered highschool to be basically the antithesis of the greatness that is college. And looking back on my years at highschool, people just seemed to care a whole lot more, and definitely weren't as nice as the people in college now. | Is there a social/psychological explanation for why people hate highschool, and say that college will solve all those problems of alienation and loneliness? |
t3_1ijoel | relationships | I simply don't get why does she 20[f], simply likes a guy like me 18[M]. | Well I don't get why does she likes me so much when I'm just a regular, simple-looking guy that works at an ice cream shop and goes to a community college. She goes to a great university, has an 80% scholarship, she's a professional cyclist, does track, soccer, and many other sports. I barely do sports. She used to date rugby players with great bodies and luxury cars.
I'm not obsessed with her at all, nor do I think she's superior than me, I just don't get why would she date a person like me, that is about to start college, lurks on Reddit, likes simple things like old movies and sour heads. She's destined to have a great life. I'm destined to have an average life. But she seems to overlook all of my flaws (lazy, jewfro) and just like the person that's inside the armor forged by a judgmental society.
Unfortunately, odds are not in our favor, I get to see her about 3 or 4 times a year, for a really brief time, if we have luck (I'm always traveling) But she has already done two trips to where I live, which takes about 14 hours to see me and she would stay with family that also lives in the same town. And I'm planning a skiing trip with her this December.
I don't know how to feel, I really like her, but I don't get why she likes me so much. | She's the most perfect girl I've met, I'm a simple guy. She does a ton of cool stuff, I don't. She still likes me a lot. I don't know why. |
t3_wq0i1 | AskReddit | Has Facebook become such an integral part of our lives because we ditched IM? | I'm trying to recall the days before Facebook. When in college all my friends were using IM to communicate and thus we never missed out on anything. Now we use Facebook and have accepted its shitty messenger as an IM replacement.
If one were to ditch Facebook with it comes social isolation because its become the main way to plan events and communicate.. Now all it takes is a click of the like button to acknowledge something... Or post something that's on your mind as a cry for attention that no one cares about...
Really, we are forced to keep it as a result. Not because you want to, but because everyone else only knows how to communicate one way now. | How did we stay in the loop pre Facebook days other than IM and why are we so dependent on it now? Will this ever change? Is Facebook feeding into our desire to be so lazy? |
t3_2bw1ji | tifu | TIFU by injuring myself with a dildo, but not the way you'd think. | This was actually a couple of years ago.
My BF at the time purchased a dildo online that had a suction cup on the back, I presume to allow for doggy style self-pleasure. I never tested it out in that regard so can't confirm.
He was in a grumpy mood so I started trying to stick it to various parts of my body, like chest, arms, etc, but ultimately the only place it would stay put was the middle of my forehead. I yelled something about being a unicorn and began prodding him with my ridiculous purple horn, but could not manage to coax a smile. He was just annoyed by my antics.
The horn fell off a couple of seconds later. He went to the other room, and when he came back in a few minutes, he burst into laughter. That's right, I had a GIGANTIC deep purple bruise on my forehead, the exact shape and size of the suction cup. I'd say the diameter was about 3". I think I have a picture of the bruise saved SOMEWHERE.
I think we had to meet his incredibly conservative, church-going parents that night for dinner. There was no hiding this bruise with any amount of makeup. I lied and told them (and my coworkers the following week) that I had gotten hit by a baseball walking down the street. | Pretended to be a unicorn with a suction-cup dildo, got a gigantic bruise in the middle of my forehead and had to lie about it to BF's religious parents and my coworkers. |
t3_2uretn | relationships | Me [24M] with my Dad [52 M] throwing his life away. I am scared as he is about to be homeless but I can't help him anymore. | My parents got divorced because my dad is an alcoholic. He has tried rehab a couple times but has failed the day he has gotten back each time. He lost his job 10 months ago so he withdrew his retirement early. Ever since he still has no job and has now run out of money. He doesn't have enough for his rent. I have paid for some of his bills in the past, but I don't think I can continue this. I hopped onto his bank account when I was doing his taxes (he doesn't know how to do them nor how to pay any of his bills online. Super computer illiterate) as I needed his bank account number. I right away see that many many of his expenses are alcohol. So much liquor store purchases.
So here I am and I dont want to help him if he is just going to buy more alcohol. I am 1 of 2 people who keep in contact with him. The rest of my siblings dont want to deal with his shit. I make more than enough to be able to help him...but I am now to a point where I feel like no matter what I do I can't help him. But on the other side of things...its winter. It's quite cold where he lives. I can't help out besides pay for things as I live some distance away. I feel like he is about to live in his car and become one of those people you see on the side of the streets. It's breaking my heart. He is so toxic though. He constantly calls me drunk to try and get me to get my mom to talk to him so he can call her names (whore and such).
I have no idea where to go from here. He is literally about to drink himself to death. | My dad drank his life away. Is about to be homeless. Im worried for his life but he is too toxic to me. |
t3_40gvxv | relationships | I [23 F] having been dating a guy [22 M] for 2 months and while I was enjoying the intensity at first, I really don't have the time or energy for a full-time boyfriend. How do I tell him that a few nights a week is all I can take for the moment? | I started seeing "Dave" at the beginning of November, despite my previous intentions of being single for a while to get my professional and social life on track. We just had so much in common and had a connection that I'd only ever felt a couple of times before in my life, and only ever with girls. (An "instant connection" kind of feeling).
So I went against the initial plan and we started seeing each other. It was fun and intense and we connected over our values and professional ambitions which are similar, but despite this we did not do much work while together, so being with him made my work suffer as well as my social life. Now after the holidays I'm hoping to get those back on track and find a balance between focusing on work, friends and him. We're both self-employed and studying park-time so inevitably we are both very flexible in how we spend our time. This means that in theory we could be spending almost 24/7 together. He tells me that's not what he wants either but he always seems to want to spend more time with me, and he takes it personally whenever I mention alone time. I don't like feeling as though I'm kicking a newborn chihuahua out into a -20 degree blizzard, and he's made me feel like this twice now.
I've been clear with Dave from the start that I'm not a 24/7 kind of person (I am introverted and like my independence) and verbally he agrees with me, but his actions speak differently.
How do I talk to him about my need for a balance between him, friends, alone time and professional pursuits? | After an initially intense start to a relationship, I'm ready to get my work and social life back on track. How can I talk to my SO about reducing time together for a more balanced lifestyle? |
t3_1wcpg3 | relationship_advice | Got drunk [21/m]; made a terrible mistake. Do I tell my girlfriend? (22/f) | So this past weekend I partied with some friends and my roommates. There was this girl there and one drink led to another, and we wound up having drunk sex. When I sobered up the next day, I felt really rotten about what had happened since I am already in a relationship (a little more than half a year).
Here's the thing; I don't know whether or not I should tell my girlfriend about what happened. On the one hand, we are exclusive, and so what I did is definitely a breach of what we had going. On the other hand, I was so drunk I can barely remember the details, not to mention that, earlier in the relationship when we were discussing how exclusive/open we wanted to be, she had said "I like you very much, but if that's what you want, you should see other people".
Obviously, I feel bad and I want to tell her, but I also don't want to upset her about something that, in the grand scheme of things, was just a minor drunken blunder.
What do you think I should do? | Got drunk, had sex with someone other than my girlfriend of seven months. Should I tell her what happened? Or just forget that it ever happened? |
t3_322ttd | relationships | Me [26F] and my boyfriend [28M] of 2 years...he wants to be the King of the Castle but I feel like a peasant. | From the beginning, we've had a long distance relationship. We haven't spent more than two weeks together for the 2 year duration we've been together. We try and see each other once a month, but it's usually when I make the move, pay the money etc.
He's the most controlling person I've ever met, and I don't know how to even deal anymore. He tells me where I can and can't go, threatens to leave me every time I want to go out with my friends (but it's ok for him to go to bars), and told me he'd leave me if I didn't deactivate my Facebook (which I did just to shut him up)
He constantly claims that he isn't controlling, and that his overbearing personality is "hereditary" and I can get with it or get lost. He claims he doesn't want to change me as a person, but I feel more and more like I'm faking being happy.
We both have made claims that we'll talk to each other more respectfully and try and control our anger, but when an argument arises it's always the exact same scenario. Yelling, I get cursed out, and hung up on. He frequently breaks up with me, only to come back the next day and tell me he didn't mean it, he loves me so much etc.
I just need help in learning how to communicate with someone in a long distance relationship in a way that they could possibly react to maturely....I love him but I'm hanging on to the very end of my rope. At one point I wanted to marry him without a doubt, but now I
Can't see it happening without drastic change. | my 2 year long distance relationship is falling apart due to his excessive controlling nature and a lack of communication...what do I do? |
t3_3jhmgj | relationships | I [21/F] just started dating a guy [20/M] and I am really nervous because I don't know what I'm doing. | So there's this guy and we have followed each other's blogs for years but only met in person-- we go to the same college-- on our first date two weeks ago. He never used the word date but we hung out a few times after that and texted a loooot and then kissed for the first time about a week ago. Since last thursday we've spent at least some time together every day. Before this we had hardly ever talked but we clicked really really fast.
We're both kind of shy about showing affection I guess? And we don't talk a lot about serious stuff yet. So I don't really know how much he cares about me or how to talk to him about serious things or even if I should ask him to define the relationship. I mean like literally every day he wants to spend time with me, sometimes multiple times a day, and he's the one who initiated holding hands in public even so I know he cares about me and isn't afraid to hide me or anything. But honestly I have no idea what I'm doing and I don't know how to open up to him and even if I did I don't know how to...I guess get this relationship off the ground? I don't know if he considers me his girlfriend already (he has kind of implied it a little?? and I've hung out with him and his friends??) or what.
I know this is probably all super basic stuff but I've only ever dated one other guy before and that was a massive shitshow. Plus I'm at a school known for being a marriage factory so I want to avoid being that crazy girl who just wants a wedding and jumps through all the relationship hoops as fast as possible. | just started dating someone who I really really click with and now I don't know how or when to take the next steps in the relationship. |
t3_37hjqj | relationships | my (19f) boyfriend (19m) freaks out about my gay friend (23m) | Hi all! I'm in a bit of a pickle. My boyfriend and I have a complicated history. We were best friends for about 4 years before we started dating. We dated for 9 months before he felt he needed to break up to become closer to God and I agreed but ended up an atheist. We were in a strange limbo for about 6 months where we thought it wasn't going to work because of this difference but we found we couldn't stand to be apart so we started dating again about 3 months ago.
During this limbo stage I met a guy on an app called vine. We became close and we gave each other our numbers so we could talk more frequently. We became super close and he helped me feel less alone during the break up and I helped him find his confidence to admit that he was gay. He's honestly one of the people I'm closest to because he lives in Ohio and I live in Florida and it's so much easier to open up to strangers than to your friends some times. (I have issues with opening up because of a weird history of suppressing my feelings so fave to face emotional talks are weird to me)
The real trouble starts when I get back together with my boyfriend. He hates my best friend. So much so that even if he sees the name pop up on my phone he gets incredibly upset at me. His biggest wish is probably that I stop talking to my friend completely, which I think is ridiculous. We're just close friends that helped each other through lonely and dark times and I don't want to stop talking to him. My boyfriend won't listen to reason and even if I tell him that he should just get over it, he flat out refuses, as if he wants to stay upset. It's gotten to the point that I have to put my friend on "Do Not Disturb" mode when I'm with my boyfriend so that he won't pop up on my screen and "trigger" him.
I just want to know if I'm being unreasonable. | My boyfriend is insanely jealous of a guy I met on vine who helped me during a breakup and who is also gay and also lives in Ohio. |
t3_jhk8x | BreakUps | How and when should I do this? | Ok, so just the thought of having initiate a break up is giving me the jitters. This will be a first time for me, at 22 years old.
We're 9 months in, and shit has been up and down, but now I think it's just happened that I am no longer attracted to her, which is my fault, as I had surgery which killed our sex life and then when it got back it just wasn't the same, and then it's just cascaded from there. I really want to remain friends (I hear this is going to be hard) as I think she really is a great girl, so any tips for this would be appreciated.
One of my main problems is when. She bought tickets for an show in 2 days time, that were quite pricey, for us. It's more her kind of show though. I don't want to ruin this for her, but I also don't want to be the come off as super thrifty and using her, which I feel I might if I break up with her afterwards.
Additionally, she tends to basically spend her free time in my room with me, we barely go to her house, so I don't want to be mean and kick her out either.
I'm new to this reddit thing so just lemme know if I'm posting wrong. Please reddit, how and when should I go about this? | Should I break up with a girlfriend before we go to a show she paid for (and will enjoy more than me) or after. + some other shit. |
t3_1fp9bp | dating_advice | I(f22) have feelings for three guys(M-A 23 & B 35 & C 24)..(long story) | Backstory:
I met guy A through friends. He instantly blew me away. He was kind, sweet, funny and really hot. We went on a few dates, had some awesome make out sessions and then kind of went our separate ways due to things going on in both of our lives. We still managed to talk nearly everyday and even kinda started a friendship. It was nice- the friendzone felt comfortable for us.
Then, I met B. B was shy and sweet- the kind of guy who gives you flowers, texts sweet messages, and opens doors for you. I really had hope for this one. We dated exclusively for about a month before we kinda just dissolved. We stayed on as fuck buddies for about a week before I couldn't do it because feelings always get in the way.
After that, I met C. C is pretty perfect. I could write paragraphs about him. We knew one another through mutual friends when we were younger, but never really talked because we were both dating other people. He is smart, funny and really kind- but he pretty much refuses to go on a date with me on the grounds that he wants to be single. Even though he says this, he still professes about what a crush he has on me and how I am his perfect girl.
Now:
So, A and I are talking again. We've actually got a date planned when I get back in town from family stuff. I want to go further with him, but I still like C a lot. While this is going on, B is going on and on about how he misses me and wants me back- he just can't handle our age difference.
C and I talked for six hours the other night. At the end of the conversation he said "I really like you. I want to have more with you.." but refused to talk about it further.
And A is off to the side being an amazing friend and showing that he is a guy that I could see myself with for a long time. I am honestly leaning towards A but I feel bad doing that when I can't seem to shake B&C.
What should I do? | I like 3 guys, all of them perfect in their own little ways. I am leaning towards the first one, but I still like the other 2. |
t3_2v56x2 | relationships | Me [25F] with my FWB [22 M] of 2 weeks, he revealed something from his past I don't think I can get over | Ok, to preface, this guy is tragically hot. And great in bed. Otherwise I would not be even asking this.
So new dude I'm seeing, WAAAAY outta my league lookswise, not very mentally engaging but seems fun and kind.
He'd told me early on he liked older women, and told me the oldest lady he'd ever slept with was 39, when he was 19. I teased him about it a little but hey, you never know.
Later we were talking about it and he told me it was his GF at the times' MOTHER.
He tried to qualify this with, we didn't have much of a relationship anyways, I broke up with her right afterwards, etc., but he continued to see this lady for a year after, AND he told me he had been that GF's first everything. It seemed like an absolutely huge and disgusting betrayal of trust, and it didn't seem like he was super remorseful about it, either. He was embarrassed by my reaction, but that seems to be it.
"Hey that's like every teenagers' dream, right?"
And later, when I told him it did lower my opinion of him some and freaked me out, he said,
"Well are you too insecure to deal with that?"
As if I was unreasonable for finding that pretty gross/disturbing. I told him I could never seriously date someone who had behaved in such an awful way.
I'm not taking this too seriously, am I? Should I just relegate that to 'youthful mistakes' or is this a serious alarm bell? I wasn't really thinking about dating this guy seriously as we don't mesh mentally much at all, but now I don't know if it's even a good idea to hook up with him. | New guy I'm seeing banged his gf's mom back when he was 19. Is that grounds for automatic rejection? |
t3_1jzof5 | relationships | Me[20/F] & [22M]: Long time virtual friends (both single) | I'm not sure if this is the right place because it's not a relationship issue per se but I think you guys can help me out
Basically, I've known this guy for about a year and half. We met on this music site and became really really good friends. We exchanged numbers about 9 months after meeting online and I finally added him on facebook 2 months ago. We text a lot - every other day at least, usually talking for the majority of the day. There's not a lot of flirting but we have a lot to talk about.
We're basically 40 minutes away from each other and both have a car. There's not much of a money problem (in terms of visiting each other) because he often makes 4+ hour drives to Lake Tahoe.
We don't (and have never) talked on the phone or video chatted - which is okay with me as I don't really like to do those things but it's weird to me that he's never asked. I'm 99% sure he is who he says he is because I'm connected to him on a lot of social media sites and I've seen a lot of pictures/family profiles etc.
The only talk of hanging out is always a joke. (e.g. If I say I'm going to do something, he'll sometimes be like "okay see you there" or "thanks for the invite")
My main question is: why hasn't he ever asked to hang out? Is this weird? I want to ask him about it but I feel like it would be awkward.
Thanks for any advice/stories/suggestions! | Known guy online for year and half - never brings up hanging out or meeting in person even though we live fairly close to each other. |
t3_2y1r62 | relationships | I (17) got my girlfriend (18) pregnant, how do I tell my parents? | I'll try to make this quick. I am currently 17 years old about to be 18 in a couple months. I got my girlfriend pregnant a few weeks ago because the condom broke and after some discussion we have decided to keep it. I'm both excited and scared right now because of many things like how my family will react, and both of our futures because we're both headed off to college next fall. I'm not sure how I should break the news to my parents and when is a good time. So what I am asking right now is are there any tips for breaking the news, what kind of reaction should I expect, etc. Also any tips for teen parenting and the things I should know.
Another thing is that we were both previously planning to attend college/university in different states, I am fully prepared to give up on going to college immediately and finding a job to help support my girlfriend and our child. Is moving with her the right thing? Any help would be amazing and greatly appreciated, sorry for the formatting as I'm on mobile and currently still in shock. | got my girlfriend pregnant, want to know how to break news to parents and what to expect. Also any tips for a set of teen parents headed into parenthood. |
t3_3jlee3 | relationships | Me [20M] gets along well with most women. Regularly gets in to deep and can't find an exit. | Okay so i'm a fairly social guy and get along pretty well with most ladies. Don't ask me how or why but women always seem to fall for me. We go on a few dates, might sleep together, might not and then boom I get the "what are we or where do you see us heading." Slight exaggeration as its usually more subtle hints about the future or a relationship but you get the point.
I'm genuinely not looking just to sleep with these girls but actually get to know them and find out if I want a relationship with them. The problem is i generally don't and by the time i've made up my mind they have already fallen for me. Dating time can very anywhere from a couple of dates to a couple of months.
A few of the ways i've used in the past to break things off have included:
Telling them I like them as a friend.
Being a dick to them so they start to hate me.
Being honest and saying that i don't want a relationship with them.
None have been all that success, being honest has meant that the girls keep trying for something more and then eventually get all angry and resent me. Better as friends works slightly better in the long run and i can have a friendly convo if i run into them in the streets. However I cop a lot of hate short term. And being a dick, well you can probably guess the outcome.
So my question is should i take up a one date rule and unless there is crazy amazing fireworks call it quits? Continue breaking hearts and stop caring about how hurt they get? To not sleep with them unless i know i want something more? Or any other suggestions?
Alternatively any sure fire ways to make them stop liking me?
**also not in trying to brag about my "lady pulling abilities", all i do is be myself. My only advice to people who have the opposite problem is just be yourself, if you have to pretend you might get laid but in the long term your not going to get anywhere. Also make them laugh, don't take things to seriously. | Women fall for me, i don't fall for them. Unsure of best way to break it off or to stop them falling for me so fast. |
t3_2u8twy | relationships | How to ask the guy [26/M] I'm [21/F] seeing if he'd like to be exclusive... considering the likely answer is no? | I've been seeing a guy for almost two months. When we're together things are really good. We'll do supper/shows/coffee/whatever twice a week, and I'll often sleep over. Sex is great, conversation is fantastic (like, stay up till 5am talking); in person everything is enjoyable.
However, when we're not together he seems pretty disinterested. Very little communication, and I'm often the one setting up the next date (though he usually pays/hosts). He's still (frequently) on the dating website we met on. Usually by this point guys have asked me to be exlusive/GF and are very communicative...
I've also realized that while we have sex with condoms on, some of our play could easily transfer STIs, and I don't want to put myself at that risk if he's seeing other people.
Even though he feels kind of uninterested/distant when we're not together, I'm at the point where I'd like to be exclusive (not BF/GF yet) or move along. We have an afternoon date this weekend and I think then would be a good time to ask, but what is the most casual/non-confrontational way to ask? I know how I ask won't change anything, but I'm worried about coming on too strong/serious. Particularly if he says no!
On a side note, it's strange that it's (only) an afternoon date, and I'd assume he were dumping me if he didn't seem so enthusiastic. Usually our plans go beyond an afternoon. So I also have a slight fear of mentioning exclusivity right before he ends things!
Some potential ways I've been thinking about asking are asking if he's seeing anyone else, mention it in the context of sexual safety, ask him how he feels about me, ask him about exclusivity without my own feelings, or mentioning my own feelings without asking about exclusivity... I have too many scenarios going through my head! | Really into a guy I've been seeing for a couple months. Things are great in person, distant when not. Want to ask him to be exclusive, but I'm not sure how to word it without coming on too strong. |
t3_22vcik | relationships | (Non-Romantic) Finishing my (21F) undergrad and moving back to the town I went to high school in, may cause problems with best friend. I need advice on how to transition. | I (21F) am finishing my undergrad in May. I am planning on moving back to the town I went to high school in and moving in with my best friend, but I came back for the weekend and things already seem rocky.
I am not originally from this town. Historically, this small town was a mill town and as an outsider the long-term affects on the locals is glaring. This is where a lot of the issues are stemming from. My college experience seems to be causing problems when trying to relate to people/ make new friends.
I went out to a bar last night and the alcohol mixed in with new found apprehensions about moving made it even harder to relate to those around me. I feel like I could be coming off arrogant but I am really at a loss. This morning my best friend said that she "felt attacked" when she realized how I felt about this peer group.
There are just so many things I can't relate to. Young marriage, kids before the age of like 28, educational differences, just a variety of things that are making it hard to feel comfortable here. The truth is that in some ways I feel attacked as well. I feel undervalued here. In a college town everyone around me understands the struggle that is is to finish school and balance the rest of your life, here mentioning a BA is foreign and I feel like the outsider. Having a baby at 21 here is more of an accomplishment than continuing into higher education.
Writing this, I feel like my challenges could be based on just not being ready for change, but at the same time I do not want to settle for mediocrity but I don't want to push those I love away. | I am moving in with my best friend but cannot relate to her peers. I need to know how to overcome my anxiety about being surrounded by people with different values. |
t3_3b152w | relationships | I [20 M] Don't Have the Balls to Break Up With My Girlfriend [18 F]. Advice? | My girlfriend and I have been dating for 2.5 years and I think its time to end it. We aren't nearly as happy as we once were, it's obvious that we are starting to really annoy each other (e.g she hates how I don't have a car/paying job and is always making little subtle jabs about it), I don't care if she doesn't text or call me all day or for two or three days straight, we haven't had sex once in our entire relationship nor has she ever given me a solid reason why she refuses to have sex (the reasons jump from she isn't ready for the emotions that come with it to she is waiting for marriage, the reason changes every month) which is really starting to put a strain on my wandering eyes. The list goes on and on.
The problem is I don't have the balls to break up with her. I don't have many friends, only a handful of pretty close ones. I'm afraid that my life will just be me and my own head without anyone to turn to. Also, at the end of the day, I simply don't have the balls to make that drive to her house, ask her to go for a walk, and say "I want to break up."
It's really starting to frustrate me. I can't see myself ever marrying her nor do I want to be stuck in a relationship that I don't like for another 2.5 years. But when I think about dumping her I'm like "I'll wait for her to fuck up, call me a name or something......", I try to find any excuse not to just do it.
Any advice? | I'm not happy with my relationship, but I don't have the balls/guts to dump my girlfriend of 2.5 years. |
t3_1jb13v | relationships | I [26 M] have a new girlfriend [24 F] who has a little kid [3 1/2 M] and we are together for about 3 weeks. We have a long distance relationship and I need some general advice. Thanks. | Hi!
First: my english isn't that good, so please excuse some mistakes.
I got to know my new girlfriend while visiting my hometown in my 3 weeks of vacation I had. She is 24 years old has a 3 1/2 year old little boy and she studies pedagogy. We really like eachother, the only problem is that my primary life happens in a about 450 km distant city.
We talked about this problem yesterday and agreed to try to make it work regardless of the distance. I'm not used to long distance relationships and unfortunatly I'm also generally not very experienced in relationships at all. I have been single for about 4 years. She has been single for about 3 years.
We also agreed that we don't want this to make a big impact on our lifes because each of us has some plans that one wants to accomplish. So we are very chilled about the way it is. At least as far as one can expect it from newly couple.
I will visit her once every month. That is not much but I can't afford more visits for now. Maybe - and that is a big "maybe" - I could visit her every two weeks but that depends on some other factors that are not necessary to mention int this post.
This is my story so far. I'm basicly asking for the advice of people that have been or still are in a compareable situation. Maybe there are some things/problems that I don't see yet coming, especially with the kid, so I'm very thankfull for any hints and advices that you have.
Thanks! | It is my first long distance relationship and I'm asking for some general advice on that topic. Maybe tell me about some problems that I may not see yet coming or other things that are important. |
t3_1rj4r3 | relationships | My [M19] parents [M60][F57] are driving me crazy. Is it my place to say something or should I just keep out of it? | My mum is stuck in an unhappy marriage with my dad, and has thought about getting a divorce since I was 4 years old. Resentment has built up over that 15 year time span, and it has gotten to the point where my father's very existence seems to be an insult to her. Every word my dad utters is bashed by her; his spelling, his grammar, his story-telling skills, how he moves, how he sits, how he laughs, how he eats, how he does anything. It is driving me up the wall.
Me, my parents, and my sister [F23] are currently living in the house. And personally I see this as 4 adults trying to get on with one another. I want to tell my mum to give it a rest (though obviously in a more diplomatic, understanding way - trust me, she has told me her side of the story more times than I care to count so I know what it's like for her) but everyone I suggest it to thinks I'm getting too involved in my parent's affairs. Should I just grit my teeth and bare it? Or am I in my right to say something? | My mum won't leave my dad alone and it's driving me crazy, but I don't know if it's something I should address, or leave to them. |
t3_reukx | relationships | Received a too-generous monetary gift from slightly-slow co-worker- keep or give back? | I work at a public library with a slightly slow guy who seems unusually interested in me. For instance, I received a huge bouquet of roses as big as my fists for my birthday a month in advance. He has my schedule memorized. I recently got engaged, and he gave me a congratulations card with a hundred dollar bill inside. We have never socialized outside of work and I will probably not invite him to the wedding. I don't feel comfortable accepting the money as a gift but I don't want to offend or embarrass him by giving it back. We've worked together for only about 8 months. I haven't even gotten engagement cards from family members. What should I do?? | My co-worker with a crush on me (I assume) gave me a $100 as an engagement present and I don't feel comfortable accepting it but don't know if it's worse to return it. |
t3_1c8gr6 | AskReddit | What is accepted etiqutte for bringing an item to a work 'party'? | So we had a team ice cream social at work today. We all signed up for what items we would bring (spoons, chocolate syrup, sprinkles, etc).
Well, me being the health conscious nut (pun to come) I signed up for Granola (with the knowledge that our tem leader would be supplying ice cream AND frozen yogurt); So I brought organic honey granola (sweet and yummy) and apparently this is NOT okay. People made jokes and overall only 3/12 people even tried it (myself included)
So what's the ettiqutte reditors? Are we to succumb to sugary delicacies at ice cream socials? Have we not evolved beyond that?
sn: This is my personal stash of granolla (I've since been told you're supposed to bring NEW/Never Opened packaging?)
thoughts? | is organic honey granola an acceptable topping to bring to a work ice cream social? (sn: what if it's already opened?) |
t3_41rhy6 | relationships | [Non-romantic] How do I [16F] discuss getting a second part time job with my [35?F] boss? | I got a part-time job in September mostly to eat up extra free time and to be able to pay for hobbies and trips with friends by myself. When I first started I got 3-4 days a , week with 4-5 hours per shift. I guess buisness has been going downhill though, because since mid November I've been getting two days a week and either getting called off or send home early at least once (it's not just me either, someone gets cut early practically every single night). Last week I doubt I made even $20.
How do I tell my boss I'm looking for a second job without making myself seem like an ass (as I'm prone to doing)? If/when I get the second job, who gets priority in any schedule conflicts? I've found a lot of articles online about the benefits of having two jobs and how to balance them with family time, but I haven't found anything on balancing the actual jobs, or how to talk about it with your first boss. | I need a second job. Is there any etiquette to discuss this with my current boss, and how do I handle potential schedule conflicts? |
t3_u5wzx | dating_advice | Me and my married coworker HELP!!! | I have a HUGE crush on my co-worker who happens to be married. I'm 21 (f) and he's 26 (I believe). He ha 2 little boys and I have a little girl. Him and his girl have been fighting ALOT and he's been pretty upset. We've known each other for 6 months after he saw me trying to not scratch my newest tat. BUT him and I have been flirting for 2 months now and nothing has really changed except for the way he hugs me. It went from little quick hugs to press our full bodies together, his hands on my waist, my face in his neck, I really wanna kiss that person kinda hugs. I really like this guy ALOT. He makes me blush, my heart race, blood pound, chest tighten. Now here comes the real problem that I need help with. Everyone at work tells me not to feel special because he flirts with everyone and is just a big flirt, but one of his friends told me that he wouldn't flirt with me unless he liked me. Ok so he flirts with me, that means he likes me right? Ok, well I don't know if he honestly likes me or of everyone is right and I'm basically just another pawn in his little game. But if that's the case, then what's going on with his hugs??? Does every guy hug like that? I wouldn't know, I've been single for 2 1/2 years since the birth of my daughter so maybe I'm just a little rusty. 2 of our mutual friends tell me to go for it. But I'm so scared. Reddit, give me advice, please! Should I talk to him and try to figure out what's going on or am I reading way too much into it and am just gonna make myself look like a huge idiot? | Im crushing on married coworker. We flirt big time, need to know if I should go for it and see where we stand or back off. Advice SERIOUSLY needed! |
t3_3cza48 | relationships | I [25/M] might have accidentally came across as a creepy stalker to my female friend of mine [23/F] | So today she texted me. The conversation went like this, around 1PM this afternoon.
Her: *some random bullshit about last night. She sent it at 6:30AM. I was sleeping and didn't reply.**
(1PM rolls by)
Her: Hey, you up?
Me: Yeah, I'm up.
Her: what are you doing?
Me: Eating breakfast at Steve's, about to smoke some. You?
Her: Not much. About to hang out with my friend Lacy. We don't know what to do yet, though.
Me: Word. You guys are welcome to come over here and chill. You guys should hit up the lake.
Her: We were thinking about that.
Me (an hour later): Hey. So I'm just sitting here, about to smoke some. Probably going to the lake later today.
Her: NO REPLY.
Now I'm thinking back on the conversation cringing. I feel like I may have came across as a creepy stalker. Thing was, me and my friends were also thinking about going to the lake too, which is why I suggested it.
We've been friends for a year. I don't want her to think I'm this creeper.
Part of me thinks I'm over thinking it. I said You guys should do XYZ, then I said I was doing XYZ. So it could have also seemed like a suggestion based on something I planned. | Suggested she goes to the lake. I ended up randomly saying I was going ot the lake. She never said anything. Now worried she thinks I'm creepy. How can I fix? Or am I just over thinking it. |
t3_1ulz19 | dating_advice | How to ask her out? | There's this girl that I've known since freshman year of Uni, were now both juniors (20yrs old both). We're pretty good friends, we go to movies fairly often (weekly last year, monthly this year) as I'm a board member of a movie club at my school so we get advance screenings, and I've taken her out to diner a few times. I'v always liked her and I'm almost certain she she knows. Recently, around a month ago, she broke up with her long time boyfriend. After they broke up, I tried my best to cheer her up, but due to finals and me having a minor mental breakdown, I wasn't really there for her too much. Anyways she gets back from break in a week or so and I really want to ask her out. The thing is I'm not sure how to, both logistically and actually what to say (I'm bad with words). We live in the city and that makes seeing each other without texting or arranging ahead of time ~~almost~~ impossible. | I want to ask a girl out but don't know how I'm going to see her or for the most part what to say |
t3_3b13bh | relationship_advice | [20/f] My boyfriend [21/m] of 7 months broke up with me to study abroad for 7 months, should I be trying to get over him? | My boyfriend and I have been dating for 7 months and the whole time we were dating I knew he was going to be spending the summer in Europe with some of his friends from boarding school and then going to spend a semester of school in Europe.
Just before left he broke up with me. On one hand I wasn't super surprised because whenever the topic came up he changed the subject. But this breakup also happened right after a trip he had invited me on with his parents and some other family members which seems.
He said he has been struggling with whether or not to break up for awhile now and made it clear the only reason we were breaking up was because of how long he was going away. I asked if he wanted to go on a break or try something like an open relationship instead but he didn't want to make any promises but he did want to stay friends because we became best friends while we were dating.
He's been gone about three weeks now and we've talked for at least a little bit every single day, and have even Skyped a few times, and one time he introduced me to his best friend. To be honest it still feels like we are dating. On one hand I feel like as long as we are doing this I won't be able to get over but I also wonder if I need to be trying to get over him or if I should just wait it out and we can try again once he gets back. | got dumped by my dream guy while he travels/goes to school for 7 months not sure if I should cut ties and try to get over him or try and stay best friends. |
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