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t3_363j7q | relationships | My girlfriend [18|F] told me [22|M] she went for coffee with her ex after the fact and is calling me controlling. | So yesterday I was hanging out with my girlfriend and she started acting weird and not talking to me when we were alone. After asking her what was wrong she very reluctantly told me she went for coffee with her ex.
This isn't the first time she's been out with another guy without telling me first, it's actually happened three times now.
The first two times it happened I told her I was disappointed and that I didn't want her to be doing that without my knowledge.
Her response is that I was being too controlling and that she didn't tell me because she didn't want me to get mad at her and be jealous.
She has turned it all on me by saying that I'm being too jealous and that she doesn't want to be with someone that cannot trust their girlfriend, who says that she wants to be with me for the rest of my life.
The thing is, there has been a time where we got drunk together and she ended up holding one of my good friend's hands in front of me while staring me in the eyes, and she didn't think she did anything wrong until the next morning when she realized what she had done.
When she told me that she saw her ex I didn't accuse of her cheating, I just told her what I felt, I was completely honest, and I told her that I would rather her just tell me if she was going to see her ex and that I would be okay with it if she told me first.
What do I do in this situation? I really love this girl and I want to be with her for the rest of my life but I just keep getting these doubts.
I know they didn't have sex because she was on her period.
Thanks Reddit. I appreciate it. | GF hung out with an ex (no sex) without telling me for the third time and fessed up to it on her own fruition, but still got angry at me for saying I wasn't comfortable with it. |
t3_334klm | tifu | TIFU by vacuuming and cleaning the doormats | Happened minutes ago.. Backstory:
I live with my GF in an apartment bloc. Every apartment in our particular bloc have small balconies. Our next door neighbors are two girls a and guy, they've lived there for about two months and we don't know them at all.
So today we decided to clean our apartment. We planned it so the last thing we would have to clean was the entrance.
It's spring and the weather is finally starting to turn where I live (currently 15 degrees C). The sun is shining and no clouds in the sky.
I started vacuuming the entrance, slowly working my way to the front door, where two, rather large doormats are placed on the floor. They haven't been cleaned for a while, so I thought that I'd give them a proper beating so they would be nice and clean.
This is where I fucked up.
I just remembered that the weather was nice today, so I could just go out on our small balcony and beat the sh*t out of the doormats on the balcony and vacuum them afterwards.
So I proceed to the balcony, with the doormats in my hands, and as soon as I'm out there, I start hitting them, releasing huge amounts of dust, sand, etc. blowing everywhere.
All of the dust, sand and Gods know what else ends up at our next door neighbors's balcony. That wouldn't be bad on a normal day, except our two neighbor girls sitting there, drinking drinks, in their bikinis, having fun until I fucked up their little party. | cleaning entrance of apartment, ending a two girl bikini party because of dust, sand and other stuff blowing over at them on their balcony. |
t3_1csipd | relationships | Need advice on if a relationship would work... | I am [14M] (freshman in HS) and she is [18F] (senior in HS, was held back in 8th grade). We have been dating for about 6 months. We both enjoy the same things, such as: Magic:The Gathering, Animated Tv shows, and other things. We tend to understand each other (she is very shy and pretty much only converses with me and 2-3 other people who are VERY close friends). I took her to homecoming and prom, and they went great. I'm not sure what else to add. but I really like her and like being with her, but she will be graduating and going to college (small feeder college in town for a few years then a bigger college also in town to finish her studies. I've been told to enjoy it, but keep my options open for my future because I'm only 14 and have all of HS/College/Rest of my life to find a SO. I agree with this to an extent, but really like her. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Throwaway used for anonymity. Thank you! | wondering what I should do about my relationship with a HS senior while I am just a freshman. Can It go anywhere? |
t3_2fummw | relationships | I [18/F] am worried about my boyfriend [18/M] and our relationship going long distance after recent events. | We've just finished A-levels and my boyfriend didn't get the results that he wanted. This has always been a prominent thing in his life as his dreams involve travelling and things like that.
After results I don't think he's been happy for more than about 5 hours at a time. His mood swings are pretty violent and sometimes I'm not even sure what's upset him, other than the fact he's just been left to think without a distraction. I'm kind of useless in these situations because I freeze up and can't think of a conversation topic, so the atmosphere just gets worse. He's also been drinking/smoking weed a lot recently.
To add to this, I start uni in two weeks where I'll be 2 and a half hours away on the train. It's pretty expensive so I'm not sure how often I'll be able to come home. Having lived close to each other for the first two and a half years of our relationship and considering how upset he's been recently I'm scared that it's not going to go well for us and mainly him.
Mainly though I'm worried that he might be depressed and that I don't know what to do about it. I've tried encouraging him to talk to other people about this, since I don't know what to do, but he's refused since he wouldn't feel comfortable doing this. I'm scared that when I can't be there in person these bad moods will get even worse since I'm the only one he talks to about these things. | I'm worried that my boyfriend is depressed and that I'm not doing anything to help. I'm also moving away soon which is going to put a bigger strain on things. |
t3_uamle | AskReddit | My Mom Is For All Intents And Purposes Disowning Me | Some background. I'm a 21 y/o male. Me and my GF have a 1 year old son and we've been staying at my Mom's for just 3 months. We are going to move out in June or July, because you know, it's time i do what i have to do for my new growing family. Anyway, yesterday my mom asked me what i did with the Vita my brother got me for my birthday in April. I told her i had sold it because i didn't like it as much as i had anticipated and besides, that money i got from it could go towards furniture for my new apartment.
SHE FLIPPED A BITCH. She started accusing me of not having self worth and not appreciating the sacrifice people go through to make others happy. I had to grab my son and just leave the house so that i wouldn't say something i'd regret later. I come home and find one of those passive aggressive letters saying that She's "done helping because all she gets from me is anger and disrespect (this comes from a previous fight where she tried to involve her self in a argument i was having with my GF and i told her it was none of her business.)
Anyway, so now, shes taking me off the insurance, which i pay myself anyway, and just overreacting to the whole situation. She is master manipulator and feels like one thing she does to help should be repayed with groveling and worship and i'm just old enough and observant enough to finally see it. Does Reddit have any advice or words of wisdom to get me through this bullshit? | Mom super mad i sold a gift that was given to me on my bday, flipped a bitch, cuts be off insurance policy i pay my part of, acting fucking banana sandwich. |
t3_2mjjh9 | pettyrevenge | Get mad at me for talking to you, i'll ignore you when you talk to me. | Backstory, My brother recently started going to the same college as me and he's a year younger than me. I don't hang out with him that often so when I do get the chance to talk to him, I swing by his room to talk for a few minutes. One day, I came by and he wasn't in the best mood. Alright that's okay. It's college, I get it. I'm stressed too. But I try to lighten the mood by making small talk with him. He responds by snapping at me and telling me to leave cause he's working on making his course list for next semester. Whoa man. You could have been a lot nicer about it. Anyways, petty revenge coming up. Later in the week, he asks me for help with organizing his class schedule. Guess what he gets? Ha! I didn't reply for several hours. I hope you enjoyed those hours of uncertainty. | My brother was rude when I wanted to talk to him so when he needed something from me, I ignored him for a little while. |
t3_2sfysa | relationships | F(26) dating M(28) for a month he has very little relationship experience and is still very nervous around me | I really like this guy as a person. We feel very similarly about the world: similarly liberal political attitudes and career paths, share a love for God and relationships but are not into 'the church' and overall have similar values when it comes to family. We have great conversations and enjoy doing similar things.
At first I found him attractive, but as time has gone on I find myself less attracted because he is often very nervous when we hang out and all I've gotten are stiff hugs as we part. Also he has never been in a relationship before or slept around or anything. He has lived a lot more conservatively than me in terms of everything. I have had relationships and in the back of my head worry that my lack of innocence combined with his lack of experience may become an issue.
If this were any other guy I would read this lack of affection and initiative towards any physical contact as a lack of interest, but he has told me many times he really likes me and stares at me with puppy dog type look. He has already introduced me to his family too.
How long is reasonable enough to wait to see if he warms up again and can relax? I think I may feel that spark again if he presents himself as confidently as he did at the beginning, but in the back of my mind I worry this could have a spiraling effect. The more attached he becomes, the more nervous he gets, the less attracted I become. I never really felt self conscious about my sexual experience either, but with him I do, so I'm not sure if that is more just an issue I should work through or a legitimate thing that could negatively affect us in the future. | Guy is very nervous around me which affects my feelings of attraction, and I worry that his lack of relationship experience and my lack of innocence could become a problem. |
t3_2z9sox | relationships | Me [20, M] with my good friend/friend with benefits [20 F] 6 months, please need help and advice | Alright so this girl and I have been good friends and hangout amount of time for the past 6 months. I met her at school. She previously went to a different out of state college. Now we go to a community college, but after this year will be going to differnet universities but could still see each other. In the beginning we both interested in dating. Shortly after she didn't think me and her would work, fair enough. So we hangout and get really close for months. Now we've crossed the friend line and started getting a little sexual. I've always had feelings for her but she hasn't really been the feelings type. So now I decided I want to stay just friends, to not ruin a good relationship. But before I could she recently admitted she does like me a lot-BUT does not want a relationship. Now idk what to do. Since I've met her shes not been the girlfriend type. Also while she was away at school she did tell me she was a little wild, I didn't want to know the full details and honestly it worries me that if we were to date how she would be at the new uni. I care about her a lot and don't want to hurt her feelings. But she knows I always wanted to date her. Now I think I'm wasting my time trying to get her when in the end the relationship will cease. Also idk if she would be a good gf But I can't help but like her. It is a little unfair to me but idk how to say it because lately she does seem to really like me compared to her usual non-girlfriend type behavior. Hopefully this wasn't confusing. Thanks guys | good friend/f buddy who I liked now likes me. Not sure if I like her like that anymore. Not sure if she would be a good gf anyway. |
t3_22jz5k | relationships | I [27 M] am now hesitant to have sex with my girlfriend [26 F] of 9 months because cried the last time | So my gf and I had sex and she started crying during it. She says the comfort and happiness she has with me reminds her of and makes her miss home and this is her first move away from there. She says she keeps asking when is her life going to feel comfortable like home.
She's cried once before during too kind of at the beginning of the relationship for similar reasons.
I told her that she has to learn to enjoy where she's at now for its own reasons and she's gotta let go of the past. Her home will always be a good memory but that doesn't change where she is now and pining for the good memories of the past will not help her.
She was happy with the advice and took it to heart, thankfully, but now when I think of hooking up, I think about either her crying or me as a stopgap comfort measure or that she'll never move on and stay anchored with home and feel miserable unless she's back. I'll talk with her the next time we meet but she's got big exams coming up so I'll have to save the potentially relationship-ending conversation for later. | Girlfriend cries during sex because the comfort she gets from me makes her miss home. Hesitant to have sex now, wat do. |
t3_3an9fi | relationships | Me [19/M] with my gf [18/F] of 3 years, are having major issues after a trip to the beach involved cheating. | So I have been dating my girlfriend for three years. She recently graduated high school and at our high school all the seniors go to Myrtle Beach to celebrate. It involves non-stop drinking all day every day. I wasn't able to go for the first 4 days because my mom wouldn't allow it. The first night she texted me and said she only wanted to date me forever. The next day involved no texting and little communication.
I figured something was going on but not what i expected to here when i got there. I showed up Wednesday and had been having a great time until she pulled me aside and told me she had cheated on me with someone not only was it a one day thing, but 4 days in a row she madeout with another guy and the last day he fingered her.
The problem is I don't blame her for doing it because she was so hammered, like I've never seen her this drunk. All she could tell me is that she didn't know why she did it, but now she won't talk to me. The strangest thing is that while we were there we had sex for the first time for both of us. It's something we've waited forever to do because the right moment hadn't happened. So basically I have no idea what I'm supposed to think.
I told her I forgave her because i thought it honestly might happen when she left. The place is toxic nothing good happens there. But i really want it work. I've loved her for 5 years. We were best friends before we started dating. And we've had our ups and downs. Now i do not know what to do. I think time will heal it but I'm having issues with that because I use to talk to her about everything and now i have no one to talk to.
So should I give up on the relationship or keep fighting on? Thank you. | Girlfriend went to the beach cheated on me, was drunk REALLY drunk every time, need to know if I should try to keep telling her it will be ok with time or if should go forward with a broken heart. |
t3_1csqmy | relationship_advice | Is this emotional cheating? (25/m, 22/f) | (Throwaway for obvious reasons)
When I'm with my go things are (mostly) great, but it's when we're apart I start to feel insecure. While her best friend is a male her ages and she's SWORN to me she'd never cheat, I can't help always feeling second best.
When we talk on fb chat, I'm always getting abrupt and 1 word answers, while at the same time she's having lengthy conversations with him from the minute so goes online until she goes to bed. Recently she's also told me she's going offline to do things, when in fact she's just appearing offline to me and continuing conversations with him.
I come back to when I actually see my girlfriend - she acts normally toward me but is constantly texting him throughout the day. Even when we're actively doing stuff together :( | Girlfriend is always making me feel second to her best friend. I know there's no physical cheating going on but feel really insecure that there' something emotional going on :( |
t3_4gre0m | relationships | Me [25 M] with my Cousin [29/30? M] entire life, wants me to be his groomsman for second time, how to say no.... | My cousin is getting married for the 2nd time and recently asked me to be his groomsman. I was there for his last wedding and participated as one of two groomsmen at the wedding. However this time, I have no desire to do it and in fact would feel hypocritical. The wedding is in 6 odd months, would require me to give a speech (of which I don't have any memories worth bringing up) and would be a large time commitment I am hesitant to give.
In the time since the last wedding we have barely spoken (maybe two or three times of any length), I have moved multiple states away, and realized...I don't really care to have a relationship with him as we have very much drifted apart from our younger childhood years.
However...there is a family expectation that I do this...and the worst part I love my aunt and her husband to death. I feel like I may be a familial pariah if I bail and do not even attend. How should I go about breaking the news without destroying the relationship with them all? | Cousin who I have negligible relationship with asked me to be groomsman. Want to say NOPE, but may irk family royally. What do? |
t3_3z2onq | tifu | TIFU by cleaning the fish tank | Well this did happen today. Hopefully I didn't kill the fish.
To start off my friend went on deployment and gave me his Betta fish to watch. He named this particular one Spartacus because some employees thought it would be a good idea to put two bettas in one cup. Spartacus survived and had the battle scars to prove it. so this is a little rough guy right?
I've been taking good care of Spartacus. New larger fish tank with filter and heater. Basically this little guy is going to have the life of luxury in his retirement. Unless that is I killed him.
I have always done a half water cleaning but today I noticed his tank was nasty. So I pulled all water, rinsed everything in hot water, declogged the filter and put him back after the acclimated time. Turns out I messed with nitrate levels and he's sick hanging out at the bottom of the tank. Also now he's bloated as well. My friend is coming back tomorrow. I'm hoping after all these months I didn't kill his fish by a painful death the day he gets back home. | Tough little Betta is living in hostile environment from my thorough cleaning. His owner trusted me with its care while on deployment, he gets in tomorrow. |
t3_29cf4v | Advice | I want to forgive my friend and move on but not sure how | I had a boyfriend that I loved very much. He was my everything and I thought he loved me a lot too. Turns out he didn't. We were friends before we dated. We had a great relationship and we never fought. Since we broke up he wanted to keep me as a friend in his life (at first I didn't) but all we do now is argue. I know most of it is because I'm so hurt by him. As much as I know I shouldn't, I do still love him despite him not loving me anymore. I want to keep him as a friend too but it isn't working. I found out after we broke up he cheated on me and lied to me. He also stole my necklace and refuses to give it back. We haven't been Facebook friends for a while because of issues but last night we hung out with a bunch of friends and they all got tagged in it and I was the only one left out. Obviously I was hurt because someone I hang out with 24/7 leaves me out. He got mad at me for commenting "glad you got to hang out with your friends" and asked me to leave his place. I don't know how to move on from this stress and have my good friend back. Everything that happens is my fault in his eyes. I just want my friend back. I wish I never dated him because I hate what we are to each other now. We hang out but it's not the same. It's really difficult going from something special to someone to have them treating you like average Joe.
I guess my question is how do I learn to forgive him and let go of my pain from him? I do want him in my life but it's so difficult. It's been 13 months and my heart hurts so much. I get angry at him often. He is snippy with me and then gets mad when I get upset and give him attitude back. To make matters worse I have cancer and want to make amends because it's getting worse. He used to be the one person to comfort me. Now I have nobody because he doesn't care that I'm dying. | friend I used to date and I are constantly arguing and it breaks my heart. Need to know how to forgive for pain he's caused me. |
t3_1l08fp | AskReddit | Reddit I need advice ! | My girlfriend and I have been together for 13 months, close to about 18 months ago I slept with my sisters friend, twice, it was shit, before I even knew my current girlfriend. I met her,** insert romantic story** and things went perfectly, soon after I told her what I had done and she was funny about it but was expected. Fast forward a few months in, we have special time for the first time, all played by her rules ( timing, where and when sort of stuff, she was a virgin and I wanted to be respectful to her) and things were pretty good! She had flares of insecurities about my past , regret, but we soldier on. My issue now is that things are getting progressively worse, she thinks about that situation very often which in turn makes her angry, at me. I try to keep my cool but when the person you want to spend the rest of your life with is hurting because of you mistake it gets to you! We fight every so often but it's always over this, she won't accept halo and I've done all I feel I can, what advice can you give me to help improve/ lessen her pain! Breaking up is bit an option, EVER!! | Girlfriend of 13 months hates the fact I slept with someone else before her, she was Virgin, I want to marry her! Suggestions? |
t3_ihl5s | self | Crosspost from r/AskReddit: Don't know much about city. Will this be awkward someday? | [Crossposted from AskReddit because I constantly forget that subreddit is for more general questions, not personal problem stuff]
I live in New York City (albeit Staten Island, but regardless). I've never been to Central Park, been on the Brooklyn Bridge, been to the Statue of Liberty, ridden public transportation anywhere in the city (though I have in London and DC), been to the Empire State Building, been to pretty much any of the museums there. I live in Staten Island and I've never been on the Staten Island Ferry. I've never, as far as I know, been to Coney Island. I went to the Bronx Zoo once when I was much younger, but since I have no recollection of that time I've for all intents and purposes never been there.
I'm 16, but I'll be heading off to college in about a year and two months. The reason I've not seen much of this city is part overprotective parent and part I really dislike what I've seen of New York, especially Manhattan (for various reasons I don't feel like elaborating on).
My concern though, is this: I'll go off to college in Boston or DC or Philly and as I make friends at whatever school I go to, they'll ask where I'm from. I'll tell them New York, and they'll ask me what it's like, what these NY landmarks are like, and I'll have no damn idea and end up looking like a fool.
Are my concerns here reasonable? If you met someone from whatever city, and they didn't know the slightest thing about it, would you be a little thrown off? What can I do to not look like a fool if that sort of conversation comes up? | I live in a major city (NYC) I know close to nothing about. I'm going to college next year. What do I do if people ask me about it? |
t3_36yw6l | tifu | TIFU by accidentally telling my office my new boss' brother is getting HIV testing done. | I work as an accessioner in a lab/office. An accessioner is the person who enters your lab tests into a computer system after a phlebotomist draws your blood but before it goes to the lab to be ran. I work in a large hub of just accessioners but there are some satellite offices that do the same thing, mostly staffed by newer part timers.
My manager is quitting and a supervisor from another department is taking her place on Tuesday. We had a quick meet and greet today. She has a printout of an e-mail I sent the day before about a specimen that was sent to us incorrectly from one of our satellite offices. I corrected the error, with only a short period of time left before it was 'past stability' and had to be redrawn. She thanked me for catching that error and the office asked what happened. I replied that it was a critical frozen HIV test that came in refrigerated whole blood, instead of only frozen blood plasma, a big problem. She went on to say that it was her brother's test and they have already recollected his blood twice and that would've been a third time. I just broke HIPAA, with my new boss' help, to my entire office informing them that her brother was HIV positive (the test is for 'How bad is it?', not 'Do you have it?' (Quantitative)
I waited till after the meeting and went and apologized. Luckily for me, they are open about it, something about sharing needles, and it was not a problem. | I saved a blood specimen from having to be retaken and told my office it was for a 'How bad is your HIV?' lab test before my boss informed us it was her brother's. Turned out ok. |
t3_3y1l3t | tifu | TIFU by sabotaging my dream job interview | Context - I had a pair of friends who are from abroad and were leaving this week. They asked if they could have a going away party at my place since my parents were gone. I said sure why not despite the fact that my dream job interview was the next day since they promised they'd invite a bunch of ppl over so that I wouldn't have to drink much and finish relatively early.
I go out and buy alcohol with them, return home only to find out they invited a total of 3 people (two of whom don't even show up until after midnight). Since it's only just us, I end up drinking and before I knew it, one drink turns to 3, 3 into 9, and next thing I know I'm schwasted as well. We start at 7pm and things keep going until 2am when I say enough is enough and kick everyone out.
Next morning obviously I'm hungover with a mild headache. I figure it's nothing a good breakfast and some coffee can't fix. With my headache gone, I go into the interview feeling ready to ace it. NOPE. I sit down with the boss and upon being asked the first question (typical "so tell me about yourself"), my brain derps the fuck out. Can't even produce a coherent answer. I apologize and make up the excuse that I js happen to "feel out of it today for some reason" and proceed to power through the most painful job interview experience of my life. Needless to say, the boss wasn't very impressed.
As I was being walked out, the office lady who I had the first round of interviews with looked like she wanted to cry (she really liked me and I think she was looking forward to working with me). Annnnd there goes my dream job. | Drank too much the night before dream job interview, thought hangover was gone but derped the hell out for the most painful job interview of my life. |
t3_4dyixw | relationships | Yesterday was my (25F) birthday - friends didn't really acknowledge it, should I say anything? | Yesterday was my 25th birthday, my three closest friends (also female) live pretty far away now. We all usually get together on each other's birthdays (last year I spent $600+ traveling for each person's bday) but this time my friends couldn't make it to see me for my bday or to visit me this weekend.
We also usually exchange gifts (about a $20-$50 range). My friends didn't send any gifts or even a birthday card even though I've been sending gifts/cards for their birthdays.
One friends birthday was just in February and each of us sent a gift or card to that person.
I got a few birthday texts but no phone calls or anything. I've never been super invested in my own birthday anyway, but it just feels weird that we've all been celebrating each other's bday until mine came up this month.
Is it worth talking about with them?
Maybe I'm overreacting - my bday this year was super underwhelming. I don't want to cause a rift or seem self absorbed. | if you've been celebrating bdays with all of your friends, but no one celebrates yours, do you bring it up with everyone? |
t3_321jla | tifu | TIFU by telling a co-worker her baby reminded me of a demon. | This happened about a year ago.
A little background: My then-cubicle neighbor and I got along very well. We are both the same age (24) and female and we are both paralegals. The major differences between us were that she was pregnant and married and very religious and I was none of those things. When I say "very religious" I mean she goes to church at least twice a week, never had pre-marital sex, doesn't swear or eat meat on Fridays (ever). This may not be everyone's idea of "very religious" but I am not religious at all so to me she was. I wouldn't call myself an atheist by any means - I just consider myself indifferent.
Here's the fuck up: At the time this happened my co-worker was VERY pregnant, like 8-9 months. Her belly was huge and you could see the baby move a lot. One day her belly was moving around a lot and she turned around to show me. Her belly moved in such a way that I was shocked, like I had no idea a baby's movements could be so aggressive. I instantly thought of the movie "Constantine" where the son of the devil is trying to pry its way out of that woman's stomach towards the end of the movie. So, without thinking I say "IT LOOKS LIKE A DEMON IS TRYING TO COME OUT OF YOU!" She instantly looked so offended and told me that was the worst thing I could have possibly said to her. I apologized immediately and told her I did not mean any offense and that I did not think about it that way since I don't think the same way she does. She forgave me but things were pretty awkward for a while.
She has since moved on to another job for unrelated reasons. | Religious co-worker was pregnant, I saw the baby move and told her it looked like a demon was trying to pop out of her. |
t3_3nhb90 | relationships | I [25M] am a virgin, never been in a relationship and I can't see things changing. | I'm posting this because I feel I have nobody to talk to and I think I need to talk about it with someone even if it's random strangers on the Internet. Little bit of a life story to follow.
I am 25 and I've never so much as held hands with a girl I like. Why? Well I have poor social skills, I can sit by my colleagues chatting and not put in a single word because I feel I have nothing of value to add to the conversation. I never had many friends in school and in the last years of school I became more shut in, stopped going out and played games on the internet.
After school I was unemployed for a few years, never went to university and pretty much lost contact with all my old friends and I would only leave the house to go to the job centre and attend interviews. As the people I used to know were finishing university I went back to the local college and got myself a qualification with very good grades along with a student of the year award and straight away got a good job which I love doing but my complete lack of a social life is eating away at me.
I've been trying out online dating, messaged what must be several hundred girls some of which agreed to meet me but flaked out at the last minute. Now even my own parents are asking me when the hell am I going to get a girlfriend but how am I supposed to do that when I don't even have any platonic friends? | Never had good social skills, never had any sort of relationship and don't even have any friends any more. It's getting me down. |
t3_4910yy | relationships | Me [24F] with my coworker [30M] - I think someone is secretly listening to our phone calls? | I have a formal manager Ginny [50sF] who carries out my performance reviews based on feedback from others. We have meetings every other week where we talk about my progress and development. Ginny does not supervise the projects I'm on, so she relies mostly on feedback from Harry [30M]. Harry is higher up than me, but not higher than Ginny. He is very knowledge and easy to work with. He supervises my projects and gives me direction, basically acting like a manager to me. He is a great manager, except for one thing - I think he allows an unknown person to listen to our calls without my knowledge.
He recently told me that we should have biweekly meetings like the ones I have with Ginny to go over my progress and development. I said sure, because good feedback can be hard to come by, and I am very appreciate that he is interested in my development. He works virtually, so when we need to talk instead of im, I call his cell phone. This happens at least once a day, usually more.
However, when we have our biweekly conferences, he insists on using the company conference calling. So Harry sets up a conference call and I call in, no big deal. Except...when I call in, it tells me how many people are already on the line. Each time, the system tells me that 2 people are already on and I am the third person to call in.
I don't mind if Harry wants to have a third party there for whatever reason, but it makes me uncomfortable that I don't know who it is/he's hiding it from me. These calls are NOT disciplinary - he praises me a lot during them. The third person has never said anything, and Harry has never referenced them/always presents the meetings as just between the two of us.
He does not know that I know about the mysterious third party - is it normal to hide this from me? Are there any managers out there that do this? Should I subtly let him know that I know? Otherwise, Harry is a great manager, I just really don't understand why he is trying to fool me on this and would appreciate insight. | unofficial manager secretly has a third party on the phone during our performance reviews/feedback sessions - is this normal? Why would he not tell me? |
t3_r2mks | AskReddit | My girlfriend hates the internet. We argue fairly regularly about this. I know I'm in the wrong place for a balanced view on this but.. Is the Internet harmful to society or is it a good thing? | She hates facebook, she hates the fact that her 14 year old sister is posting pictures of herself covered in make up with her tongue out pretending to lick her friends toungue (you know the ones). Plus all the bullshit statuses.
She hates YouTube because she thinks it's 90% pointless shit (i find it hard to argue there) and people just wast their life clicking on "2 minute nothing's"
She thinks people's attention spans are shrinking and that they don't like anything that requires any effort to enjoy.
She reads a lot of literature and loves films and computer games and is in her final year of university at Bristol, UK. She understands that reddit can be a force for good but finds things like gone wild and the old jail bait subs discusting (she's a bi sexual nymphamaniac and is no prude) I know a lot of it comes from being insecure about herself. I am on the Internet constantly on my iPhone (Alien blue reddit app, facebook etc) and she gets very upset when we discuss the Internet. Anyone in a similar situation as me or does anyone agree with her? She is very intelligent and learned for a 20 year old girl. | My girlfriend thinks the Internet is dirty, disposable and harmful for society, I disagree. We argue. Anyone else in this situation? Thanks. |
t3_21rndr | relationships | I [22M] am seeing a new girl [18F] after my 4yr relationship ended. Have some problems. | My ex-girlfriend broke up with me a little over a month ago. Reasons for the breakup aren't that important, I think. Let's just say I understand her reasoning and whilst I regret what has happened, I realize there's nothing I can do.
Anyway, I met this 18yr old girl two weeks after the relationship ended and we started hanging out together, going on dates, et cetera. Fast forward to yesterday, when we had sex. She has never had a relationship, no boyfriends/girlfriends whatsoever. Obviously, she lost her virginity to me.
Cue the problems; I am not sure about what I want with this girl. I mean, she makes me laugh and I enjoy spending time with her. We have nice long chats and that's all fine. But for some reason, I don't feel a connection. I feel like an asshole, to be honest. She lost her virginity to me, which I guess is supposed to be special. And I didn't intend to use her for sex. It is just that I realize at this very moment that I'm not over my ex-girlfriend yet. A day after we had sex, I miss my ex and I don't know why.
What do I do? Do I tell her that I'm not over my ex-girlfriend yet? I'm afraid I'll mentally scar her for the rest of her life. I'm not proud of what I did, I genuinely feel horrible. | Ex broke up with me a month ago, met a new girl two weeks in, had sex, she lost her virginity to me and I just realized I'm not over my ex-girlfriend yet. What do I do? |
t3_16v2mz | legaladvice | Got a Minor In Possession charge and need help fighting it. | I recently was charged with a Minor In Possession (Alcohol). A friend of mine purchased the alcohol (She is 21) and put the alcohol straight into her trunk (We never touched it). We all got into her car afterwards, still in the parking lot of the Circle K when the undercover officers came and knocked on the car windows, flashing their badges asking us for our age and ID's. They then proceeded to make us get out of the vehicle, which was still on private property, and started taking our information, asking where the beer was and such. They then took the beer out of her trunk, took it over to the curb, and smashed it with a sledgehammer. They then asked me where the 20 dollars was that I was paying her, to which I replied "Oh the gas money I owe her?". The cop's then took our information and filled out the tickets and told us what the MIP meant and what not, then sent us on our way. | Got a MIP on private property for alcohol I didn't touch that was purchased by a 21 year old while in a car. |
t3_32mn3y | relationships | My [22M] ex [21F] asked to stay with me while she relocates to a new city for a new job after college. | So I'll give the short and sweet version: my ex and I had dated for almost 5 years starting in high school. We took a break and started again the summer before I left to another state for college, beginning what became a 4.5 year long distance relationship. She was always my best friend, and while things weren't easy while we were apart, it was like that same head over heels highschool love whenever we were together. After I graduated, I stayed out of state and she was finishing her last year of college back home. Arguments that we'd had throughout the relationship escalated in frequency and magnitude, with both of us realizing we were different people. After drawing out the inevitable for almost a month, we broke up. Dealing with it, I isolated myself from her for almost a month to take care of my own sanity. Eventually, we talked again to kind of see how the other was doing, and honestly we were both doing better apart.
Time passes, and she admits through text that she was kind of hurt that I was doing so well without her. I'm not the person to kick someone out of my life unless they've seriously wronged me, but I told her that I had realized the breakup was more mutual than I had thought at first, and that helped me get over it.
So more time passes, we chat occasionally, and she's getting ready to graduate. She wants to move to NYC (where I live) to start her career, and asks if she can stay at my place temporarily until she finds a job/apartment. I want to say its okay as long as its temporary (hopefully less than a month) but we'd be roommates, sleeping in separate beds in the same room. Additionally, I think she may have been in another relationship since we've been apart, and the thought of that fills me with anger that she would even ask such a thing of me. But, for the time we spent together, I don't want to deny her the opportunity to start her career because I feel like I owe her that much.
So what should I do reddit? | Date best friend for 5 years, we break up, she wants to stay with me while she starts her life after college. Unsure of where intentions lie, or if we've both truly moved on. |
t3_me8vj | AskReddit | Any Non-Pothead Redditors out there? | I get it, weed is awesome and you guys are totally cool showing off all your stuff. But, I just have to ask, are there any Redditors that are anti-weed? Or, like myself, dabbled in it for a bit then just realized it was time to actually grow up?
I get the purpose of medical marijuana and I am all for it, I get that some people don't have a problem with it. But for me it just made me lazy and eat a lot and I realized after being high every day for a year that the type of girl, job, and lifestyle I wanted to attract was not correlating with my pot smoking. I don't miss it, I don't regret it, but I am getting a little tired of every other post being about someone hiding week, smoking weed, or just talking about weed. If I am offensive to the tree-friendly Redditors, then I am sorry. But for all of us who have grown out of the phase or just were never in it; are you also tired of this? | I used to smoke pot a long time ago, I don't now and am getting fed up with a lot of mary jane posts. Does any else agree? |
t3_2i5jdf | relationship_advice | So she [15/f] is starting to see a guy right as I [15/m] was going to ask her out. Now I'm lost. | This may seem a little childish, because most of you are probably older than me. But please hear me out. I've been talking to this girl for around 9 months now, she finally got to my school and tomorrow was the day I was gonna ask her out. I get home and formulate my plan. I check instagram in my break and see a picture of her holding hands with another dude.
In my blind fury and sadness I snapchatted her "So I heard you and [guy] are dating?" (I almost laid all the cards on the table, but decided against it) she said they weren't official yet. Now I am (was?) almost certain this girl liked me back, we talk damn near every day, the longest we have gone without talking in the past couple weeks is 1 day. She's admitted she likes me before, and I have a feeling this is happening because I havent made a move yet.
I want to get to her before they are official, this guy is a douche, and I really like her. I never want to feel what i felt when I saw that post again, and it will only get worse when they become official. I need to interrupt that, and I don't know how.
I don't care about the other guys feelings, I just need a method to do this, no matter if he gets hurt or not, I dont care. If any of you have some advice here please help me. This girl is amazing, and I want her to know that. | Girl starts to see another guy right as I was going to ask her out, need to know how to win her over before they get serious. |
t3_2160c3 | relationships | Me [32 M] with my Fiance of 1 1/2 years [27F] Have been together for 2 1/2 years. Last night she told me she was freaking out about the wedding and gave me back the engagement ring. | We have been together for 2 1/2 years. I am a physician and she is a nurse. Started my fellowship in another city and she moved to be with me. Prior to moving in with me I proposed (13K engagement ring). We had an increadible relationship until a few months ago when we started to have less sex -about once a week. She and I agreed it was because of the dog that we got, however she also says that her birth control lowers her libido.
We just went on a couples vacation to Punta Cana and then to New Orleans with friends. The vacation in Punta Cana was great but she was on her period and we only had sex once. In New Orleans she partied with our friends until 5 AM two nights in a row. I had to turn in early because I had to attend a conference in the mornings.
When we got back from New Orleans she became more distant -no sex for 2 weeks at this point. She stopped wedding planning and I picked up the slack. She has been avoiding being home much at all -working extra shifts ect. I called her out last night and asked her why she was acting so strange. She told me that she was freaking out about the wedding and didnt know if she wanted to get married. I am not sure what she said after that because my world fell apart. I left and went to a bar to compose myself. When I got back home I found that she had driven to her mother's with the dog but left the engagement ring.
More details: her parents just got divorced this year. She is from central PA. We are supposed to move together to Virginia after the wedding where I took a position for next year.
She is coming home in a few hours -has to work tomorrow. We live together. I still want to get married. What do I do? | Fiance told me she didn't want to get married. She is coming home in a few hours and I need a plan. |
t3_47w5aa | personalfinance | Very late on my car payments - what should I do? | Hi Reddit,
Made this account just for this question. I bought a new Mazda 5 in 2012 - put $2000 down on a standard 5-year loan to pay it off. But I have been extremely delinquent in my payments - after paying for the first few months I basically stopped paying because I couldn't make ends meet. First the bank and then collection agencies started calling - after a year I had the money again and contacted the bank and got current. However, I haven't made another payment since then. Mostly, it was because I didn't have the money, but then it became because I didn't know what I owed. I've had collection agencies call, and people (and lawyers) who say they're from the bank - I've been hiding from their calls. I'd like to get current on this and at the moment I could pay it off entirely. My question is, who should I call back to get this part of my financial life back on track? A collection agency? The bank? A lawyer?
Thanks for any insights you can provide! | I bought a car that I haven't made a payment on in years. Now that I can pay it off, who should I contact to do so? |
t3_4hum7z | relationships | Updating: I (25M) can't tell if my wife (25F) loves our baby | OP:
I talked to my wife. She told me that she's not fun enough to be the playful parent, that as a mom her job is just to make sure baby is fed and well. She even said "Once she gets older she's not going to even want to be around me, I'll just be the cook and chauffeur. You have the fun stuff taken care of, don't get me involved."
I was floored by this. She went on to say that all she can do is provide, put food on the table, and keep the house clean, that that's all she's really good for. She even said I see her that way because we haven't had sex in so long. I admit it's been a while and that's my fault, I just haven't been in the mood lately.
I hugged her and apologized. I asked her if she'd go to therapy with me and she said she'd think about it. | Wife doesn't think she's capable of being a fun parent, thinks her role in life is to be the chore drone. I want to help, she might go to therapy with me. |
t3_27ho0l | relationships | Me [25M] with my GF [25 F] of two months, so far the relationship has been no better or worse than mediocre for me. She's absolutely crazy about me. | Started seeing a girl about two months ago. I knew her from ages back, but she moved away. She comes back years later and we start seeing each other.
She wants to make it an official relationship right off the bat. I tell her to slow down and not to worry as I'm not seeing anyone else. I tell her I don't know what I want and ask her if it's okay to take things slow. She agrees, but that doesn't really happen.
It's obvious that she really likes me. She'll do anything to make me happy, so much so that I'm constantly telling her not to. I mention that I'm hungry or sore, she offers to drive 40 minutes at 10 at night just to give me food or a massage despite her having work early in the morning. She's so eager to please that it's exhausting.
There are some things wrong with her but nothing dealbreaker status. She has some fucked up friends, she's in student debt yet doesn't have a degree to show for it, she feels like she needs people to pity her in order to like her, she's a little overweight, and she's not that great with money.
Otherwise, we have a bunch in common, she loves playing video games, watching movies, going out for dinner, my friends seem to like her, sex is great, she respects my need for space (INFJ here), she's extremely understanding and supportive, and so on. So many things that I've wanted in a relationship.
And yet, I don't feel anything beyond mediocrity. She's a cool friend that I have sex with. I want to feel more for her, but I'm afraid that she's not endgame material.
So now, I'm just trying to figure out what to do. Do I stick with it as things could get better? Do I end it now because I'm not getting that spark? | Dating a girl who's crazy about me, and extremely eager to please, yet I'm just getting an over all feeling of "okay". Do I stick with it or cut it off to not lead her on? |
t3_y4bca | AskReddit | Older siblings of Reddit, have you ever had one of those moments where you've taken a step back in awe of how proud your younger sibling(s) make you? I'll start... | My younger brother, who's in high school, is in marching band. He was recently given the only trumpet solo featured in this year's show. I hadn't heard him play the entire solo until the last day of band camp. (I'm currently home from college, so I hear him practice from time-to-time.) All the parents and family members are invited to see a "sneak peak" of the show on the last day of camp. It was that moment when his solo came on, did I realize, "Wow, he is an amazing trumpet player." It gave me goose bumps. I can't wait to be sitting in the stands watching him play, to mutter, "That's my brother," to whoever's sitting next to me. | My younger brother is a talented trumpet player whose marching band solo made me realize how awesome of a trumpeter he is. |
t3_2oo8qn | relationship_advice | I, [22m] USA, am having cold feet with my [26F] gf from China, who is about to come here to study. | Woo. This is going to be a fun post, where to begin. We met about a year and a half ago when I studied abroad in China my Junior Spring semester. I believe that I needed her at the time as my best friend had just passed away and I had no support system or friends there really. (my roommates were as fun as this cubicle I'm sitting in typing this) It was a bizarre relationship. She told me she loved me after about a month, then I came home to my senior year at college. We dated long distance and she visited twice for about 3-4 weeks each time. Then I visited her in China after graduating for 9 weeks. It was less than ideal. It was too much for me living with her 24/7 as a 22 year old fresh out of college.
So here we are. She just got into a 2 year MBA program nearby where I work, at an ok school. She will be 28 when she graduates, will want to be married by that age, and wants kids by the time she is 31/32. I feel like once she comes here its sort of no turning back. She will invest a lot of time and money coming to this school. I also may want to go to law school in a year or the following cycle. I dread graduating with lots of debt and a kid on the way. I care about this girl a lot. She is truly wonderful, but I just wonder if I will resent the relationship. We have chemistry, but not timing. I am worried about cutting my life short in a sense.
I am also a bit worried about her getting a job, she's sort of bordering on professional student. (she already graduated college and got an m.s. in China, and right now her English ability is about a 7.0/7.5 out of 10) | My brain says bad idea. My heart says yes. My genitals love everything. She's about to come to a local school probably 70% for me. |
t3_2ynfkw | dating_advice | I've [21/M] been dating this girl [21/F] for three weeks and I'm not sure if we're moving too fast. | We both have amazing chemistry and it seems we're almost always on the same page. We're both pretty infatuated with each other. Never before had I had the urge to text a girl almost daily (and I'm known as a horrible texter), see a girl often or really get to know them.
We both have never been in a relationship before and are typically scared of commitment. I mentioned last week that I felt we were moving too fast and we should take it slow. I told her I don't want to hurt her if we don't work out and she said she's strong if it happens, and that she said we'll see where time takes us.
We had one drunken talk this past weekend and admitted our feelings to each other. I said I was falling in love with her and she said she really liked me. At one point in the conversation, she almost said I love you...but stopped. She started getting emotional and started crying and I wasn't sure if it was out of happiness and/or sadness. She said she never gone this far with a guy and I mentioned the same. I said for us to be monogamous but not official to determine if our feelings are real and not circumstantial.
At these times when I talk about the state of our relationship, I feel like she always agree with what I say and doesn't give any dissent. I don't know if this is a good or bad thing.
I'm probably being an asshole right now. I feel like I'm trying to fight the feeling of falling in love/being in love because I've never felt these feelings before and things are going too smoothly to be true. | I've been dating this girl for three weeks and we both have never been in a relationship before nor gone this far with someone in terms of dating, thoughts? |
t3_1jcufi | offmychest | Awkward | My ex made a video of his time in America during his schooling here for 2 years.
We were together for the majority of his schooling and then he started dating a new girl for the last couple months. Anyways, last year when we were still together, he made a great video showcasing clips of us on vacation and around the city. I randomly check his video website since he sent me a generic happy birthday email yesterday (no, I didn't respond) and the video is back up. I watch it and all the clips with me are replaced with his new girlfriend laughing and frolicking on the beach in clothes. Understandable.. The weird thing is that he left parts of ME in there like my hand gracefully touching things and pupil dilating (all artistic). There is also this new useless clip where you can see me for a split second in his rear view mirror. O_o
Then again, I did tell him after the breakup to erase me from everything and I don't want to be remembered. Right after the break up, he asked me if he could put my face on multiple pages in a photography book about his time in America. I told him no, as I don't want to be immortalized on his coffee table and it was insulting. He didn't see how I could be offended. I wonder if his friends and family think the new video is awkward since they saw the original. He didn't even change the music lol.
I mean, wouldn't it be weird to be put in a video where 95% of the things shown was not done with you, but with an ex-girlfriend, yet it was implied to be you by the editing? That's just me.. | Ex makes video showcasing life. He edits all clips of me out and puts his new girlfriend in, but keeps some of them which creep me out. |
t3_19u4gp | legaladvice | I was detained by police under a false accusation. Is this "unlawful detention" and if so, do i have any legal recourse? (video of incident) Please Help! | Link to video of incident:
Facts:
-I was not in a park, I was on a public street sidewalk.
-There was no suspicion of a crime being committed.
Do I have any legal recourse here???
Back story: I feel like my rights were being violated because the cop involved didn't like me, stemming from an incident a few weeks before the video was taken. I don't have any proof of the first incident, however the cop randomly accused me of Duii, tried to ID me and I refused to show ID, he got frustrated and told me to leave, I asked for his name/badge number. A few weeks later he saw me walking, followed me and thats when the video was made. The day after the video was shot, the cop followed me home, i believe in an attempt to intimidate me, drove past me several times as I walked home. He waved at me, and drove past me and said "hey, buddy" in a sarcastic way. Then he parked next to my house and waited for me to walk home. I entered the side gate at my residence before he could do anything else, and my father, not knowing what was going on, saw the officer outside and asked him what was going on. The officer said he was "running the plates on a car that was parked facing the wrong way" in our driveway. I know he was messing with me, not looking at a car. | I refused to ID myself, pissed cop off, cop harrased me on three occasions. Can I sue him? |
t3_dfz53 | AskReddit | Can ADD make some people perform better in school? | Lately, I've been wondering if I might have ADD, because I get bored and distracted very easily. I tend to stay at the top of my class unless the class is too easy (read: boring), which makes my brain switch off immediately. As you might expect, this has caused more than a little friction when I sit there complaining to my friends that a class is "too easy" and I can't concentrate. I have to work very hard to get myself motivated in a class that's all memorization, but most of my classmates love those classes and do very well in them. I seem to have a completely opposite taste in classes from all my peers. They hate the hard classes, but those are the only ones that can hold my attention.
However, when something makes it past my boredom threshold, I can spend hours just doing that, which is why I've done well so far - I can usually figure out a way of looking at the homework that makes it seem interesting to me. But even so, I tend to take a lot longer to do things than other people do because it's hard for me to stay on task or to stay on the *main* task without going off on a rabbit trail to add insignificant details. I enjoy schoolwork enough (thank you, Asian parent!) that spending a long time on it doesn't bother me, except when it's soulless and uninteresting homework. The kind of work that for everyone else is a quick plug-and-chug takes the longest for me, because I have to take a break every few minutes out of boredom. In my opinion, it's wasteful to spend so much time teaching students how to execute a rigid algorithm very quickly... make a computer do that, and focus on teaching them things for which no single algorithmic solution applies (e.g. proofs) and take advantage of the fancy capabilities our biological hardware has for finding novel approaches to problems. So besides being bored, I'll have that mild undercurrent of irritation that my computational resources are not being allocated in a way that takes advantage of them.
I realize Reddit != medical professionals, but have you guys got any insights or advice? | I do unusually *well* in school, but I suspect I might have ADD. Also, I should really be working on my parallel programming assignment right now... oops. |
t3_2envj4 | weddingplanning | I have no idea what to do about my future step daughter [etiquette] [rant] [help!!] | I live with my fiance. He as a 10 year old girl from a previous marriage. We only see her one weekend a month (we're not local).
His daughter barely knows my name, doesn't care about her dad, me, the relationship, anything. She had no reaction to the engagement announcement except to instantly, awkwardly, *publicly*, unceasingly demand to be a bridesmaid.
Because she watches a reality tv show about people who fight to have the best wedding and the bride in them takes the bridesmaids out to do crazy shit. I don't watch it, but from her description, the fact it exists makes my stomach turn. That and and a decade of a DISNEY-ONLY movie diet are her only frames of reference. She isn't great at telling reality from tv (she still doesn't understand why cartoon characters don't use stunt doubles) so nothing I say to the contrary has convinced her that the event won't be like that trash.
But, of course, there's a further complication:
Something I've never told my fiance, and have no intention of telling him - is that it absolutely disgusts me that *she's ten years old and 250 pounds.*
Ten. 250. You read those right.
As I've spent the past 25 years struggling with an ED with my weight all over the place, she is hard for me to even look at. I'm terrified that this kid, whose only fault is having an absolutely shit mother, is going to be affected by my own issues.
She's never been taught to use utensils rather than her fingers (sometimes going so far as to mash her fingers into the food before slopping it onto a spoon) and doesn't close her mouth to chew. She gets so little fruit that when I gave her an apple last visit, she ate it stem, seeds, core and all because she'd never had one before.
Her eating habits are so bad that I'll sometimes wind up purging or restricting for days after a visit. She's like a walking trigger. And I don't want her in my wedding photos. | I don't want her in the wedding. What can I do that won't make me look like a Disney villain?! |
t3_3gfws2 | relationships | Life, relationships, and growing up. | Well reddit I have been a long time lurker and now it is time to spill it. I(m26) am married(25f) for five years. I want to see what everyone thinks is it in my head or do I have something to fear.
This all started about two years ago, was vacationing at the beach with my SO our children and my SO's mother and stepfather. The second day we are there she informs me she would no longer like to be married. I get no explanation other than she just doesn't want to be married anymore. We get things worked out and move on. Fast forward a few months, I finally get an explanation that she is bi, and needed to figure things out. We once again work through this. However things are not quite the same and she seems distant, always on her phone. A few more months later her best friend who she is always with also comes out. This is were I begin to become concerned.
To me these are already red flags she is cheating, but we again move along. Now she becomes friends with a Swedish girl whom she has never met seeing as how we live in the US. By this time she is always on her phone and barely talks to me. Move forward six month Sweden leaves her husband because guess what she likes girls. More red flags are going up. Now here I sit with this Swedish girl in my house for five days. All three girls are very touchy feely and what I see as flirting.
I have tried to talk to her about it and she just get angry, and wont say anything else. So reddit I ask you should I be concerned shes cheating, or am I just suffering from my own insecurities? Sorry for grammar and formatting, currently using Mobile phone. | concerned wife may be cheating with another women and she refuses to communicate with me. Am I crazy or should I be concerned. |
t3_2yawqk | needadvice | Girlfriend told me she's pregnant, but it won't go to term | Using a throwaway as some friends and co-workers know my username and I want to keep this private for the moment.
My girlfriend (I'll call her Claire for the sake of this) told me she was pregnant a few days ago but that her nurse told her it won't go to term. She is currently on a contraceptive injection and due to this fact we don't use condoms
Claire basically told me that she got a positive pregnancy test but that because of her contraceptive injection(she doesn't know the name of the one she is using) her nurse told her the fertilised egg won't develop. However the majority of thing I have read about the injections tell me this wouldn't be the case
Claire said her appointment went like this:
She goes to her nurse for the injection and as normal they ask her to take a pregnancy test before being given the injection, she does so and it comes back negative. Claire is then told that because we have had sex a few days prior to the appointment she will have to take another test in two weeks. She is then asked if she still wants the injection, she says yes.
Fast forward two weeks and claire's second pregnancy test comes back positive, she calls her nurse who tells her 'you won't be able to have the baby'. This is where the confusion arises as Claire is under the impression that she doesn't need to do anything, that the pregnancy will just not go to term.
My understanding is that the injection won't stop the pregnancy (only thing I have read is that explains this is that the injection stops the egg from receiving nutrients from the uterus wall)
She won't talk to me about is as she is 'too upset' so I'm struggling to get any information from her plus the fact the last couple of weeks things haven't been great between us
I'm posting as I need somebody to explain this properly to me as it doesn't add up and I'm not sure if There is a child on the way or not | girlfriend has positive pregnancy test but child won't develop, won't explain the situation properly to me, leaving me stressed and not knowing if I'm going to be having a child |
t3_54tlfs | jobs | Hiring Manager missed phone interview. Can't get a hold of anyone. | I was scheduled for my third phone interview with a company yesterday morning, but never received the call.
HR had sent a calendar invite to all parties a week before and confirmed that my credentials had been forwarded to the team an hour before my scheduled interview time. The invitation had stated specifically that the team would be calling me.
After not receiving a call for over 30 minutes, I sent an email to HR asking if the team needed to reschedule. I emailed the hiring manager as well an hour after the scheduled time to ask if they needed to reschedule and to let them know my availability. Tried calling both HR and the hiring manager a few hours later and couldn't get a hold of anyone so I left voice mails restating what I had asked in my emails. Sent a follow up email to HR again this morning and still haven't heard back.
I know that sometimes emergencies happen and people forget, but I'm really not sure what to do since it's been two days at this point. I don't want to miss out on an opportunity, but I feel like I've already been following up pretty aggressively. It seems that if they had decided I wasn't qualified, somebody would have cancelled the calendar invite and I wouldn't have received a meeting confirmation from HR beforehand. I'm feeling really anxious since I had taken the day off from work to make sure I had the time to do the interview. Wondering if anyone has experience with this sort of situation. Any advice would be appreciated. | Hiring Manager didn't call at specified time. Tried contacting both HR and manager but still haven't been able to reach anyone after two days. Really want this opportunity and not sure what to do. |
t3_2tfn23 | loseit | Am I aiming for the wrong body weight? | I am a female, 18, almost 5 foot 9, and my body weight tends to hang around 145-150lbs.
A year or so ago I was probably around the 155 mark and decided to start eating less junk food (cheese its, cookies, high-sugar granola bars and whatnot) in my lunch. Recently I've decided I've got a bit much tummy fat for my liking, along with some general overall roundness and decided to track my calories and intake and whatnot. My goal weight is to be from 130 to 140 and just generally trim down some fat and get a little muscle tone, losing maybe a pound or so a week just by cutting out the stuff I munch on when I'm bored as well as getting up half an hour early and doing some body weight exercises (don't have time for a gym between school and work.)
My problem is that every time I look like I've lost weight my mom comments and questions me about "are you okay? Are you sick? Do you not feel well? You look thin?" And my doctor even commented on a maybe 5lb loss after I got the flu and was concerned about an eating disorder. Maybe I am aiming for a number too low? I'm new to this fitness/ weight loss thing.
Sorry if it's all a bit jumbled, I'm on my phone | I want to trim down and get a bit more fit but mom and doctor act concerned every time I lose a little weight. Am I aiming for the wrong weight? |
t3_1u1cfn | AskReddit | I am a young aspiring photographer, and just got a Nikon D5200. Anyone have any ideas where I should begin my journey into photography? | So Reddit, I'm a 19 year old male, and I recently got a Nikon D5200 for Christmas. I've been wanting to get a camera for quite some time, and I'm really excited to get into the vast world of photography. Only problem is, I have no idea where to begin my journey. I'm really into skateboarding and eventually want to come out with a my own skate-shop and clothing apparel store (to get an idea of what photos I want to take). ANY advice would be much appreciated. I would also like to thank you in advance for your time. | I would really appreciate any feed back or any ideas/recommendations on what to focus on and where to being my journey into the vast amazing world of photography. (I also love skateboarding) Thanx |
t3_439ktd | relationships | [Dating] I [20M] am talking to a [41M] and lied about my age. | One been talking to [Y] for a about a week. When I first started it was more for casual conversation than snag thing else. He has his life together and a nice profession. In order to feel less of a failure (I'm in college but don't have a car ATM) I lied about: my age, my having a car, and my name.
I generally tell people I'm a year older so no one thinks I'm a kid because I already look younger than I am and I hate it. I also tell people a fake name when we are first talking as to not give away any identity.
As we started talking more, it started getting more interesting. I'm not usually one who would ever go for an older guy, but he seems super interested and is willing to take me like I am, and is genuinely interested in me as a person. We've talked for hours on the phone about all manner of topics from hobbies, to flaws, to past relationships.
One of his ex's was named [John], and that is my real name. I told him my name was [Ethan]. How can I tell him that now? How can I tell him I'm not really 21? He really wants me to come see him for my birthday weekend. I feel like such an idiot. | Lied to someone in good faith before realizing they are potential dating material and now screwed over to not sound like a total liar. |
t3_4qf4t4 | relationships | Me [25 M/F] with my partner[28M/F] 4y, am I just being insecure? | Hi everyone. Just a little insight on this would be great, thanks.
I've never been an insecure person. I've never, ever once felt the need to distrust my incredibly loyal and loving partner, not once. Our relationship is blissful despite the smallest of disagreements-we just get through them.
Long story short (I feel stupid for asking this), what does it mean if your boyfriend is looking up a female co-worker on facebook? I saw (didn't snoop, clicked on his phone to check the time and it was still open and hadn't locked yet) that his most recent facebook-page search was his attractive co-worker.
I know they get on well enough, as he does with everyone he works with. Never once worried about this in the slightest, so this is why i feel foolish for asking this. It's just been on my mind for a long while now, this tiny issue.
So, could men give their insight on why they'd look up another girl, whom they already know and have as a friend? What reason? | Feeling a lil insecure about a female co-worker of his, since I noticed he looked at her page for no real reason. What if he's attracted to her? |
t3_2z152y | relationships | I'm [27 F] and I want to follow my dreams but my boyfriend [32 M] wouldn't be joining me. I need perspective desperately! | Hey r/Relationships
I have a big decision to make! I'm graduating with a BFA in only a couple months, which is great. The problem is that I have been living in the same city my whole life and I really want to move far away for at least a year to experience living somewhere totally new, I've picked Berlin.
My boyfriend of 6 years however, doesn't want to come with me. We've had problems in the past, but he quit drinking entirely 5 months ago and life has been so much better for both of us. He really loves me with his whole heart. I love him too, I just feel like if I don't go to Berlin now, I might never get the chance again. After I have a career and someday kids, it will be harder/impossible to just run away for a year.
Am I really stupid to leave? I don't have any adults in my life, just other people my age who if anything have less experience then me in these matters.
I'm 27 by the way, not a teen with all the time in the world.
I keep seeing friends not being able to find love and a stable relationship, am I out of my mind for actively giving that up? Neither of us are willing to do long distance
Would you move to Berlin for a year while you have no responsibilities, or hang on to true love because its more important??
Maybe I seem whiney because they are both good options and I seem spoilt, I'm not, I'm really super poor, but I have some left over bursary and can save up by waitressing over the summer and I have a friend in Berlin who can hook me up with a dishwashing job there.
This is a hard choice for me, and no one I know can give me any perspective. | I (f\27) don't know if I should leave my boyfriend (m/32) behind to follow a dream or stay for love and always wonder. |
t3_54w8l4 | relationships | My [M 21] family makes jokes about gay people and about my lack of masculinity without realizing that I'm actually gay. | I'm gay, and I'm fine with it. I don't see the purpose of "coming out", people will naturally find out when I have a serious relationship and they meet my partner.
I would say that generally my family is not homophobic, and they have been supportive of gay marriage etc., but they do often make light-hearted jokes when they see gay people on TV etc.
They also have made comments about my lack of masculinity and at one time my mom said I was "walking like a gay". It's always meant to be a joke and not intentionally insulting or anything.
I've never told them about my sexuality and they've never asked. I did wonder at first if they secretly knew, and they were making the jokes as a weird way of showing it, but I'm now fairly certain that it's not the case. They are completely unaware of it and the jokes are just an unfortunate coincidence.
I'm a laidback person and I'm not exactly offended by it (although I'm sure other people probably would be). But it is going to start to get awkward soon.
My relationship with my family and parents is fine, but I want to get them to stop making these comments without changing the balance in the family or having to announce my sexuality. | How do I get them to stop making those jokes and comments without having to create some massive 'coming out' drama? |
t3_kujmg | AskReddit | Reddit, help me tell this lady to fuck off. | I am currently taking a CH class at a college. The classes are weekly, and two weeks ago we were told we could bring laptops to class to take notes with. I sit in the back row of the class, just in front of an assistants desk. The assistant is there to move video cameras within the class room for streaming to different campuses, so distant students don't have to commute.
This assistant is a real bitch, for more reasons than one. Last class just as we were leaving, she informed me that she didn't like the fact that I was plugging my laptop in to a power strip which is conveniently located directly behind my chair. She doesn't use the power strip, and I'm not affecting her in anyway besides the fact that she doesn't like me using it. It's not even hers. She suggested moving seats to use a wall outlet. I am not moving, and I don't think I'm stepping over the line by using the power strip. She is going to say something to me for using it next class, and I need something stern and clever to say to her. Any suggestions? | – Power hungry assistant doesn't want me using a powerstrip for my laptop, and I need a CLEVER way to tell her to fuck off. |
t3_q1p8e | AskReddit | Would you please help my friend's awesome charity win $10,000 for Make a Difference Day? | My classmate ran this awesome program to teach kids to fish to feed their families and to learn to respect the environment (see [here] for more details) and he is one of 9 finalists with a chance to win $10,000! He wants to give $5,000 to the [Durham Ronald McDonald House] and the other $5,000 to the [Florence Fuller Child Development Center.] He was leading in votes a couple days ago, but somehow another charity went from *4%* to *31% in one night*...sketchy much? I hope I to harness the unlimited power of Redditors worldwide to help him win. Please vote for him [here] and pick the Boca Raton/Durham option to help. Thanks so much! Also, no karma from up votes! Send up to the front page please! | My friend's charity is in competition to win $10,000. Please vote [here] for the Boca Raton/Durham option to keep the stars aligned and the world from plunging into eternal chaos. God speed! |
t3_3m9x0t | dogs | [Help] looking for information on Sialocele | My 2 year old german shepherd had some sensitivity around her face on Wednesday night. On Thursday morning we found that the left side of her neck was very swollen and felt like it was filled with a fluid. She was very lethargic, wouldn't eat and was short of breath. We took her to the vet who took a sample and he thinks it is Sialocele, saliva draining from fluid pockets. We do schutzhund, a dog sport, it's possible she was hurt during that. The vet said it could be weeks or longer before the swelling goes away. Has anyone else had a dog with this problem? Do you know how your dog got it? How long did it take for it to go away? Did it require surgery? | Has anyone ever had a dog who had Sialocele? How long did it take for it to go away? |
t3_2rtcvn | offmychest | I'm afraid to see a psychic | I was raised to accept the metaphysical. Spirits. Healing. Psychics. I don't think what they say is an absolute future. I just notice if something they said happens but I don't try to make it happen.
The last time I saw one was 3 - 4 yrs ago. At the time I had just found out who my birth father was. He died a few months before I found out. The psychic at the time told me not to look for signs from him. He had a lot of issues to work through on the other side because of the choices he made in this life. If it's not obvious I was looking for any sign that showed me he accepted me in his after life because I did not feel like he did in his life.
Fast forward to 2015. Even though I don't swear by what a psychic tells me I can help but feel like the previously mentioned psychic telling me my father was rejecting me. I'm scared to see one and hear that again. It hurts my heart that I never got the opportunity to hear the words from him. | a psychic told me 4 years ago not to look for signs from my birth father. I took it as n afterlife rejection from him and am scared that if I see a psychic again I will be rejected by my afterlife father again. |
t3_3xh7qm | relationships | I [43F] am dying. My family disowned me 20 years ago for being lesbian. Should I contact them? | I've been diagnosed with CJD a few days ago, and unless some miracle happens this will be my last Christmas.
I haven't told anyone yet (really there aren't many people to tell in my life, either). I'm debating whether to tell my family or not...
I had a good childhood with them, they were nice people but they were very traditional and conservative. When I was 22 I came out to them and they didn't accept me, they tried to "fix" me in their own way and we had this going for a year until I told them that I don't want or need to be fixed, and their response was that if that's the choice I've made then I can't be their daughter anymore. It was very difficult to me, but I respected their wish and stay away and never came back. I have a brother and sister too (9 and 10) when I went away, they're 29 and 30 now and I haven't talked to or seen them ever since.
I don't know if I should reach out to them. It always hurts me that I can't talk to them or that I never had a chance to have an adult relationship with my brother and sister, and I always thought that maybe there's hope for the future but now everything has changed, nothing will happen in the next few months that I have left unless I make it happen myself, and I don't want to regret later on. But I also don't want to just start a relationship with them for it to just give them pain when I go. Maybe they're better off just not knowing me. Maybe I shouldn't be so selfish to play with their feelings like that.
I need some perspective here before I die of overthinking instead. | I'm dying soon and I haven't been in contact with family for 20 years. Should I contact them or let them stay away from my death? |
t3_lj039 | AskReddit | What's a time you made an unnecessary confession? I'll start. | In 7th grade, I went on a church youth trip called "Breakaway." Basically, we just went to every Six Flags in Texas. Nothing like a theme park to instill in kids a sense of loyalty to the church. (We were Methodists, okay?) Every night we slept in our sleeping bags on the floor of a different church.
In San Antonio, I got so sick that I woke up in the night, threw up on whoever was next to me, and promptly fell back asleep. I woke up later, ran to the bathroom, and threw up again. For the next hour or two, I became good friends with a trashcan in the hallway, and it wasn't long before I was throwing up nothing but bile. Our youth minister, J, graciously took me to the airport and waited with me for the first flight to Dallas, which wouldn't leave for another two hours. In the meantime, I was holding a *clear* plastic bag full of bile. I'm not sure why nobody could get me an opaque bag.
Eventually I was so miserable that I said to J, "I think God's punishing me."
"For what?"
"For looking at porn."
My shame was incredible. To my 7th grader astonishment, he just laughed and said he didn't think it worked that way. | I got sick on a church trip, and I told my youth minister I thought God was punishing me for looking at porn. |
t3_3yboa1 | relationships | Am I out of line or is this a hurtful Christmas or birthday present? | I will try and keep this to short and to the point.
Back story: I am a single mom of three kids, divorced an abusive ex-husband 9 years ago. I work a good job that pays $21,000 a year, and I am now receiving child support. That wasn't always the case. I am sleeping on a mattress on the floor, I need two hearing aids but can't buy them, and in general don't buy myself things as I don't have it in the budget.
My parents on the other hand are millionaires, own many properties and still make around $300,000/year.
I borrowed money from my parents over the last decade to help pay for things for my kids, such as glasses or urgent medical care when I didn't have insurance. It has added up to a couple thousand dollars. I try to pay back things as I can, but as I live paycheck to paycheck, it is very slow going, as well as new expenses come up and I can't continue for a while again.
A few years ago, my parents gave me a birthday gift of a card that said they had taken $200 off my debt to them. While this was generous of them, I felt hurt that I didn't recieve any other gift.
Fast forward to now, and that is my birthday and Christmas gift from them. They spoil my kids and are all around great grandparents. However, I can't get over feeling hurt when I need things that I can't afford and have asked for, and if feels like they are giving themselves a gift they don't need. All of our family and friends are outraged by this. Am I out of line here as I owe them legitimate money or is this just hurtful? | Parents give me chrismas / birthday gifts of debt off to them I owe. They don't need the money. Is it hurtful or am I just too sensitive? |
t3_1k3qdw | needadvice | How to bring my mother back to the real world. | These days I'm finding really difficult to have even a conversation with my mother due to her constantly inserting her spiritual beliefs into everything. I don't live with her and we talk over the phone maybe once a week. Even so, I find these conversations exasperating.
If I say something like "my computer's been acting up all day", she'll come back with "Oh well, Mercury is in retrograde, which affects technology." If I mention a movie that was so sad I cried she tells me it's because of the full moon. And she does this with EVERYTHING.
I really hope I don't sound like a douche. But she knows I don't believe in any of that, and I certainly don't interject my atheism into our conversations because I know that she wouldn't have anything to do with what I tell her. It would be great if we both just didn't say anything about our beliefs to each other unless it came up in a specific topic. I think she finds my atheism offensive. I don't find any of her beliefs offensive, just exhausting to constantly have to work around in order to have a real conversation with her.
Also worrying is that she's like this more and more, like each utterance is her trying to convince herself. She told me the other day that she'll stop going to the dentist in order to heal herself. If she can't collect spring water from the fountain by her house she doesn't drink any water, in order to stay pure, I think.
In the last 10 years she's gone from being a capable single mother with friends and a job to someone who sits at home waiting for the stars to align and magically make everything in her life better.
How do I sort things out? I don't want to hurt her feelings, and she's very sensitive, but I'm going to be stuck with her abroad for a week soon! | Can't have one phone chat with my mother without her telling me that Neptune is in Scorpio and that's why she doesn't have a job. |
t3_1uqvai | relationships | A girl[40F] from my high school days wants to get it on with me [39M]. Should I accept or refuse? | In high school, I didn't exist in this chick's eyes. I was basically a loser to her and her friends. I didn't belong in her circle because I wasn't cool enough or popular enough I guess. Her and her friends actually made fun of me a couple of times in the hallways but I never let it bother me. It wasn't like their jokes aimed at me were that serious to begin with. Mostly the usual teasing that takes place in high school.
Fast forward to today. #1 I've kept myself in pretty good shape. #2 I haven't aged that much facially since high school. Just less hair LOL.
We bump into each other through a show and she's hitting on me big time and I don't know if I want any part of it. I'm confused really. Half of me says I should let by gones be by gones and have fun with it. The other half of me says I should stay as far away from this woman as possible. I don't know whether to feel pissed off or flattered. I think she's trying to check me off of her bucket list which really doesn't do anything for me. | A girl from my highschool days wants to give me a chance that she wouldn't have given to me back in the day. Don't know if I should feel flattered or insulted. |
t3_53m36s | relationships | Me [23 M] with my Gf [23] of 5 years. How do you trust someone who is always making false apologies?? | Every time my gf does something that she knows (or at least she pretends to know) its wrong she victimises herself saying things like "Im so stupid" or "I always mess up everything" etc.
Right now we had a discussion about something she posted on Facebook with false information, which I always advice people to research a lil bit before doing.
So out of nowhere she says "well not all of us have the time to masturbate, play games, and read articles all day" not so subtly referring to the fact that right now she has a job and I don't.
And **immediately** she send another message saying "**Im sorry. Im so stupid, I should have never said that**"
And proceeded to delete every single post she had made on my profile for the past year. Every cute photo, every loving message, everything good thing she had shared with me on Facebook for the last year saying that she was "**contaminating my feed with her stupidity**"
Now here is the thing.
Im going to talk to her tomorrow because Im fed up with this and it needs to stop.
And I do want an apology for what she said about me being unemployed, but I also know I won't be satisfied with another "Im so stupid" bullshit speech. I want a real apology.
The thing is I don't know what to say for her to understand this, or how to even know if she really means it if she apologises. | My gf is always apologising and I just don't believe it anymore, but I do want an apology right now. What do I do? |
t3_1jrmev | dating_advice | Scared of the first date, don't know what to talk about | I[M22] don't want to be alone anymore, because I have been alone for the last 14 months. Well, not alone per say, because I have friends, we go out and have fun, but having a girlfriend is something completely different.
But at the same time I don't want to. I guess that I am just scared of that first date, because despite being in a 4 year relationship, I have never been on an actual first date. Seriously.
So now I kinda don't know what to expect from that first date. I mean sure we get to know each other, but what do we actually talk about. Yes, there is FORD but that seems boring to me. Do I expect too much out of a conversation? What if we run out of things to say? I mean, I don't have a problem when I am out with my friend. I mention a nearby car and we talk for half an hour, but that kinda doesn't apply to women.
And yes, I do have some girl in my mind that I would like to ask out. She is a friend of a friend, she knows that I exist because we have been at before mentioned friend's party and we have run into each other a couple of times while running (she always says hello and smiles). But since we are running in opposite sites that is all. I don't have her as a friend on Facebook, yet, because I think that would just seem creepy. | never been on first date, what to do now? I want to ask a girl out, I like her and she doesn't seem to not like me, so what to do reddit? |
t3_44uv6w | relationships | Me [21 M] Honest to goodness nice, average looking person not finding anything anywhere | New User here + Loaded question incoming.
I'm a guy in his early 20's working on college and just keeping myself busy with that mostly. I don't live on a campus (yet) as i'm in my hometown right now. So I've had maybe...3 girlfriends total? Longest lasting about 2 months. I've been told that i'm not an unattractive man (6 or 7 by most of my friends guys and girls included) and i'm an honestly really nice person. Like I have a policy that i'll never turn down a person who asks for my help. Just general stuff like that.
Now here's my issue. No matter where I go or what I do it seems like I can never find any women interested in me or one's that will give me more than a glance over when i'm interested in them. I'm well aware of the signs and honestly (This might sound super corny but) I never turn down anyone, for a first date at the very least, who has the intent to pursue me, regardless of whether I find them attractive or not. On top of this i'm not that picky. Personality goes a really long way with me.
It's not an issue of self confidence or lack of trying. Not even being arrogant or picky. I'm friendly to everyone. So i'm starting to think my issue comes from my best qualities (Kindness and Thoughtfulness) not being things that come up in casual conversation or casual social gatherings. Perhaps these are not the primary things to attract a woman in the first place? At least from a superficial aspect, which is how most relationships get started.
Any tips you've got for me or advice? I'm open to any sort of criticism or suggestions. Oh and for those of you who are aware of the Myers Briggs Personality test (Which seems to be popular now?) I'm an INTJ. (If that helps) | Average across the board with a heart of gold, open minded but for some reason not getting any sort of feedback whether it's pursuing or being pursued. Any flaws in what I've said? |
t3_1ftz5g | BreakUps | I [25f] dumped my ex [25m] of eight years after he cheated. I have a new bf now [26m] but I'm still very angry about my ex everyday and don't want to be. | My ex lied to me for months about another girl and ended up cheating on me with her. I found out by going through his phone after he refused to talk to me for days on end. He was having a really intense emotional affair, telling his friends he didn't find me attractive anymore and all of our mutual friends knew and didn't tell me. I tried to make it work because of the history but he wanted to be with her so I dumped him. A week later I found a guy who treats me right and is very nice. I'm very happy with him but I'm still so angry at my ex. I told him I hate him and never talk to me again. I don't want to contact him. I just don't want to have such strong emotions towards him anymore. It's been about two months since the break up. How do I stop being angry at my ex and just be indifferent? | my ex of 8 years cheated on me very recently. I'm with a new guy now but I'm still so angry at my ex on a daily basis and I don't want to be I don't know what to do. |
t3_23nwc1 | relationships | I [21 M] was dumped by my [20F] gf of almost 1.5 years. How do I get rid of this sinking gut, bottom of a lonely ditch, puking feeling? Is it possible to just jump back into the relationship like nothing happened if she wants me back? | I loved this girl and as I've been struggling with some things it seems to have affected our relationship as well. She told me she isn't happy anymore and that she "thinks we can be together again in the future, but right now we are on two separate mediums." It started to sound a lot like my first serious breakup which ended up not working out. When that happened I tried to stay busy and hangout with my best friend as often as I could, which is what I'm trying now, but there are still moments when I'm alone and all I can think about is her and this sinking/puking feeling in my stomach. Are there coping mechanisms to ignore that feeling when I'm alone?
I've always felt like once a break up or break has been called that it won't ever be the same trying to get back together. They broke your heart and that's hard to just ignore and pretend like everything is all perfect and honeymoon again. I'm not going to hope that she'll want to be with me again because I wont set myself up for that huge disappoint a second time, but what are you thoughts on getting back together in general? | How can I beat that feeling in my gut? Is it possible to "go back to the way things were" after a break up? |
t3_39vd7q | relationships | I'm [19/f] currently pursuing a casual relationship with a significantly older man [31/m]. Needing a little guidance. | So I recently started a new job (about 6 months ago), and I met this guy who's been at this company for years.
We hit it off almost immediately. He's funny, smart, driven, and very good looking. We have a lot in common. I study engineering at the local university, which he is also an alumni of. We like the same books, movies, television, and we have a lot of similar interest.
He's easy to talk to, and joke around with. He's never been married. Currently single. To me, he seems like a typical bachelor who really doesn't have any desire to settle down yet.
Obviously at 19 years old, I'm not looking for anything serious. That being said, I'm attracted to this guy, and I'm picking up some pretty strong vibes that he's attracted to me as well. He gives some pretty strong hints about our similar hobbies, and asks about my plans for the weekend, yaddayaddayadda.
Still, he hasn't actually pulled the trigger on asking me out yet. I'm chalking this up to the age difference, and how we both seem to be a little intimidated by it. Perhaps rightfully so.
Is there something I can do to nudge him in the right direction? Or should I be nudging him at all? We both seem to be on the same page when it comes to relationships (wanting something purely casual). But would this age gap be too big an obstacle? | Attracted to an older man who seems to reciprocate. Is there any universe where this could actually work for the both of us? |
t3_4cnk7o | relationships | Me [23 F] with my [29 M] duration 4 years, had therapy and now I feel different in love | I've suffered with mental abuse, attempted sexual activity from my mothers step partners, eating disorders and in general low self esteem since my early teens. I'm now 23.
I hide my low self esteem well with over performing to prove to people I am worthy and confident.
Since my stepdad (who was abusive to all of the family) was removed from our lives I've never had any friends. Looking back I wanted to feel safe with someone- anyone and I had a series of 2 boyfriends that I live
d with. Currently I'm in a relationship that has been great. This person has been there for me when my mum went through a severe health scare. The thing is- after my CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy because of my low self esteem) I've learnt to challenge my anxiety and control my life into positives.
I feel I jumped into my current relationship because my previous partner cheated on me and I didn't know how to cope with being alone.
I regret the past 10 years I have held myself back, from career, friend making and general life. But now I'm doing great by making my life positive.
I feel that to overcome the next challenge of my low self esteem is to break up with my partner and deal with 'feeling alone'. I am now dreaming of moving away and having my own house and trying to feel comfortable in my own skin by learning to love myself again.
My partner isn't emotionally supportive- his way of talking about my problems is 'Yeah but that's in the past move on' I don't dwell any longer on my past I feel confident to talk about past issues because I have accomplished getting over them and I am proud.
I just feel a little helpless and I'm not sure if these feelings with subside because my CBT has just ended? I don't have any friends to talk to and my family have told me not to end the relationship. | I don't know if my feelings are normal because of my new experience of therapy and unveiling my confidence, or because I feel I can do better. Advice from someone would be really appreciated. |
t3_39a8wp | relationships | Me [22 F] with my SO [22 M] for 2 years, body type preference changed- is this growing apart, a red flag, or salvageable? | Long post here, I'm embarrassed to ask friends because it sounds so bad so I appreciate the help
Our relationship was insanely fantastic: compatible people, amazing sex, challenged each other to be better, deep love/respect. communication = textbook perfect with daily likes/dislikes, complete openness about everything.
Start of year 2 I moved for work making us long distance. After some year 1 relationship weight gain, I was now objectively back to healthy and fit and confident in my body/life.
When he visited, he felt a little detached and I pressed him for why. He essentially unloaded he'd been feeling extreme guilt because his body preference had changed to a very specific, fit type (not the type of fit I was).
I heard it as "I don't think you're attractive"- which he assured me was not the case many times - but in action I felt like he complimented me less, initiated fewer sexual activities, etc.
I poorly reacted repeatedly, intentionally making him feel guilty.
When we moved back together mid year 2, I made a massive effort to salvage us by being positive about achieving the body type he wanted. I made it a top priority and lost 10 pounds, body fat %s, gained muscle. But, extremely emotionally draining: I became more insecure, self-consumed, focused on all the wrong things. Worst of all, we still felt totally disconnected.
Still love him, take responsibility for my part of the fail, but it's become a very negative thing for my emotional/physical health.
When is enough enough when you love someone but the relationship hurts both of you, and if this is salvageable should this be a major red flag for the longterm? | boyfriend's changing body preferences plus my poor reaction is causing a great relationship to hurt- when is enough enough when you love someone? |
t3_2sqjhe | relationships | Me [27 M] with my fiance [24 F] of 4 years, discovered she was cheating with my married neighbor | Never posted here, but I'm lost... my fiance told me on new years that she was getting cold feet about our wedding coming up in a year. We've never really had any issues, but her big problem was that I was not emotional enough in expressing my feelings for her, that she loved me more than I loved her, she put more of herself into us than I did. To an extent it's true... I've been engaged once before that ended when I was 22 (for cheating... noticing a pattern...), and had some trust issues of giving my all.
She agreed to stay and work things out, but began distancing herself. We went away to a cabin to spend alone time together this past week, to work on things. She said she loved me, but doesn't know what that means anymore. I knew that's how she felt, and I was willing to work on it since we honestly got everything out.
Well last night, her phone was going off while she was out with friends, and I checked it to discover she has been cheating on me the past few wees with my married neighbor. I lost it, told her I don't ever want to see her again.
As far as I can tell from the texts there was no physical cheating, but they had been going on 'dates' and she discussed that she is falling for him with a mutual friend while falling out of love with me.
Was I too rash? Should I work to get her back? I love her, was ready to spend my life with her, and now things are spinning out of control...
Finally... do I tell the neighbor's wife what I discovered? Cheating is one thing that I cannot stand and don't think anyone should be a victim of it. | Found out fiance is cheating with married neighbor, don't know if I should work to get her back and/or tell the neighbor's wife. |
t3_21jxrb | relationships | Me [27 M] with my Finace [27 F] of 2 years, How do I break this news? | Hi. In short, the situation I am in is this:
I hooked up with a girl a few times about 2 1/2 years ago, and one time we did not use condoms (she had said she was on the depo shot). The relationship floundered soon after. We were not that serious anyways. Now she has a kid and is coming after me for child support. I'm fine with supporting a child of my own, it's under no dispute now that the kid is mine since DNA testing proved so.
I've been in a relationship with a loving, caring woman for over 2 years and we're engaged, and going to get married in June. Things are awesome between us except for the wedding stress and work stress, which I guess should be considered normal.
I didn't tell my fiance about the DNA test, since when I was contacted about it, I was sure it wasn't my child(ex claimed to be on birth control). Now that the DNA testing has came back and they motioned for child support, I need to tell my fiance.
I've been scared and visibly stressed out by this. I don't know how to tell my fiance about this, and how she'll take it.
Guys/gals, how should I break this news to her? How should I go about informing her that my salary is going to be cut by almost 30%?
Do you think she'll still want to marry me?
Should I attempt to have a relationship with the child? My ex has stated that she wants nothing to do with me.
Please help. I don't know what to do! :'( | Ex-gf came forth that she had my child, and I'm about to marry someone else. How do I tell my fiance? |
t3_2r5svj | relationships | I'm(F26) worried about the after effects of my upcoming abortion w/ BF(M25) of 4 yrs. | I've never been pregnant before... Right now I'm incredibly ill (I also have Celiac disease which I'm sure is a contributing factor in my current state) at just under 9 weeks. I'll say, while I am pro-choice, this decision is incredibly hard for me. I never wanted children but I never thought about having them either.
My boyfriend and I have always admitted to not wanting children and if we faced this day, we'd cross that bridge when we get there.... and we're here, now. The decision to have an abortion was almost immediate, due to the fact that we are not in a financially comfortable position to bring a child into, along with upcoming ambitions we are reaching to achieve. We also are ending our time with my boyfriend's grandfather, who we care for - he has dementia. We both work part-time outside of caring for grandpa and ~~are~~ were saving to travel abroad.
My boyfriend has been so kind to me during this time and very supportive. But... I'm battling this. I don't want a child but I feel so bad about having to abort. I know where I'm at in my pregnancy and I know that I'm not aborting an actual baby. I just can't escape this depression.
I also greatly fear that my boyfriend may resent me afterward, despite his support and our mutual decision. You know, you can't really predict the future... He's the love of my whole life and if he said to me a couple years from now that he wanted a child, I'd be more than happy to give him one.
I shamefully admit to suffering from chronic depression, so I'm really trying to prepare myself for the feelings that may come. Though, I don't know what to expect. How do I cope with this decision? Are there couples still together who've been through an abortion? I'd really just like to hear from someone who's been in a similar situation. | Boyfriend and I are pregnant; I'm worried he may regret our decision to abort, after the act. I'm paranoid this will hurt my relationship. Help? Advice? |
t3_zmreq | relationships | Hook-up partner (21, M) seems to have lost interest in me (21, F) | I've( 21, F) been sleeping with this guy (21, M) for two weeks now. When we first started hanging out he was very sweet and seemed like he wanted to date me. We texted every single day and hung out whenever we could. After we started having sex we both agreed that we didn't want a relationship, but the sex was great so we would continue hanging out and hooking up. He has told me I'm the best sex he's ever had and we have sex at least twice each time we hang out. The last time we hooked up (three days ago)it was great, and he texted me later that night and we had a cute conversation like usual. The past two days a male friend of his is in town for the first time in a while and he has not initiated contact with me at all. I've texted him asking him a question and he has responded and been really polite, but has not tried furthering the conversation at all.
I really enjoying having sex with this guy. Do you guys think he has lost interest in me or is just wrapped up in his friend? And should I try texting him tomorrow to see about hanging out, or should I wait for him to contact me? This might seem like a really stupid or obvious situation, but I've never had casual sex with a guy before so I'm kinda lost. HALP. | I am new at casual sexings. Dude and I have amazing sex but he hasn't tried talking to me in two days. I'm worried he's not into the sexy times any more. |
t3_2w9hlm | tifu | TIFU by telling my teacher I saw 50 Shades of Grey | I've been lurking on r/tifu for quite some time, and finally have something embarrassing enough to contribute! Though the FU happened today, it needs a bit of back-story.
I went to watch 50 Shades of Grey with one of my best girlfriends over the long weekend (it's really more funny than arousing) and while waiting for popcorn, I happened to see my very Greek Orthodox physics teacher. I waved and prayed to the gods that he wasn't expanding his interests to BDSM. Thankfully, he wasn't and I forgot about the whole situation.
Unfortunately, he seemed to have remembered. Today in class, I asked him a question and while I'm writing down the answer, he asks me, "so what movie did you see?"
"UMMMMMMMMM"
My heart and mind raced as I tried to think of ANY other movies playing in theaters right now, but, my brain couldn't do it fast enough and with my head in my hands, I confessed, "...50 Shades of Grey".
"Oh".
I couldn't stop nervously giggling as I asked him what he watched. He mumbled something about Kingsmen and how there was some risqué scenes in there as well. I awkwardly nodded and said "I'll just leave now" to which he said, "yeah...good idea".
We didn't make eye contact for the rest of class. | My physics teacher's image of me as a sweet, innocent student was shattered when I told him about the raunchy movie I watched. |
t3_1v4c4o | relationships | [Relationships] Should I [22 M] ask my girlfriend [22 F] of 2 years to move in together, partly for financial reasons so we can stay together, but also because we're in love? | Her: Last semester in college. Worrying about finances and about to loose support from her parents. Wants to live in Chicago still when she graduates. We haven't really discussed her next step, but we don't want to break up.
Me: year and a half left of college. Still have support from my father who is happy with her moving in and not paying rent. I live alone, with just my cat. Not willing to have a long distance relationship, not because I don't love her, but because I've been there, done that, and it's a disaster. Worried she might leave and don't want her to. I do see a future for us, the whole nine yards.
Us: Dating for two years. Very much in love and happy with our relationship. Complete opposites who compliment each other very well. Never had huge issues or frequent fights.
I want to ask her to move in, but I'm worried she'll say no, and then that'll define what is next for us. I'm also nervous about the consiquences of moving in, such as less wednesday night drinking for the fuck of it (which isn't frequent, but does happen). I am ready to take that next step and make changes in my life to accomodate her needs. I don't know A. how to ask her, B. When (before or after our actual two year anniversary (only a week away). If we should have a clean break if she says no and is moving home. | Do I ask my girlfriend to move in with me. How and when? Is it a good idea at this age? |
t3_4mfi64 | relationships | Is my [27/F] boyfriend [25/M] of 1 year ghosting me? | Boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and a half.
Lately I've been noticing he is showing a lot less interest. When we first met he wanted to talk during every moment of free time. Not healthy or sustainable, I know! ..but we were going from talking all day every day to me maybe getting a few text messages from around 8 in the evening. He will ignore me sometimes when I initiate contact. He used to plan out dates and do nice things and always want to spend time with me. Now? Not so much. I can't remember the last time he has initiated a date. He doesn't show much gratitude when I have planned something either.
Little things here and there tell me that he doesn't think of me often anymore.
He tells me he still is interested in me but in my opinion it does not feel that way. He hardly talks to me anymore. When he does talk to me he's just in a rush to get rid of me and go do something else.
When asked, he said that this is just the way he is. He needs a lot of space. He also said that I feel like an obligation to him and that I am a box he has to check off on his to do list sometimes. He thinks I should feel okay with hearing from him a few times a week and just *knowing* that he loves me.
Could he really just be this way? Can he really be interested in me but not really want to talk to me or is something else up? It is extremely unlikely that he is cheating.. but maybe he is interested in someone else? Maybe he is just tired of me? Doesn't like me anymore? Bored by me? Are we just past the honeymoon stage and I need to lighten up?
Either way, I need things he is not giving to me. Is this fixable or will one of us just be miserable? Time for a breakup? I've invested a lot. I probably should mentioned I moved across the country to be with him per his suggestion. | Boyfriend hardly talks to me and I feel like he has lost interest. Could possibly be overreacting us phasing out of the honeymoon stage. |
t3_19lrwm | relationships | My (F21) best friend (F20) is going through some shit, and I'm not sure how to handle it. | Ok, so I've posted before about introducing my SO to my parents, and about a sketchy dude who apparently wanted to get in my pants via the internet, but this one is about my best friend in the whole world.
Back story:
She and I have known each other 2 and a half years, ever since we were randomly assigned roommates freshman year of college. We are now juniors and live in singles right next door to each other. She has a history of eating disorders and self harm, and after a year and a half of me telling her to, is now seeing a psychiatrist and has prescriptions for anxiety and depression.
She recently broke up with her boyfriend of a year (M20) and is now dating a new guy (M29) (Not sure if this is relevant, but hey, it's a recent change in her life).
Current situation:
She's recently run out of drugs and won't be seeing her therapist until Thursday. The only person she trusts enough to talk about this to is me. Over the past two days I have had to counsel her through panic attacks and freak outs where she is convinced she is a burden on me and worthless. I've noticed that her wrists were in bandages and asked her if she wanted me to take her knives away, she said yes and they are now hidden in my room.
Basically my question is, how the hell do I get through the next four days until she can see her shrink? I have exams and papers to write, but I'm terrified that she's going to do something...stupid and I don't know what to do.
This girl is my best friend and I'm pretty sure I'd go to pieces if something happened to her. I love her too much for her to have an accident.
Also, it should be noted that she has tried the counseling services provided by the school and hates them. She only talks to me or her therapist. She won't even talk to her parents or sister cause she doesn't want them to think her crazy. | My best friend is unstable, doesn't have access to her drugs until Thursday, and I need to know the best way to approach her and keep her off the ceiling until then. |
t3_u16d3 | AskReddit | Is it fair to make my girlfriends pussy into a swiss cheese? (her words) | My GF cheated on me about a year ago, so I have had trouble trusting her. I finally could not manage it anymore and broke up with her a couple weeks ago. She is crazy in love with me. (I love her to, but I have trust issues..)
Now, mostly as a joke i suggested that i could pierce her pussy massively to make her not wanna show it to any one else. We talk 6 3.2 mm rings in both outer labia, two in each inner labia, one clitorial and a christina. So 18 big rings in total. Also, she has agreed to let me strech them all to 7 mm over the next two years.
Ofcourse, I am totally into piercings and body mods (I have a few myself), but is this fair to her? She does not really want pussy piercings, but she is going to let me do all of those, and more, if I'd like. In one session, where i hog tie her to a bed or table or something. Also, I am 30 and she is only 19. | I have talked my Ex to put 18-20 _big_ piercings in her pussy in order to get me back. |
t3_2uhwxl | relationships | Me [22 M] with my best friend [22 F] of 6yrs, she does not want a long distance relationship | Hey there,
this is some kind of update to: But the issue is kind of separated from the previous one, therefore you do not need the other post.
I was best friends with this girl for 6 years and fell in love with her over the last few months. We got more and more physical during that time and ended up making out the day before yesterday. We talked about how to continue with our "friendship" aswell. I stated that I want a relationship with her.
She is moving to another city (7hrs by bus, does not cost much though, still same country) in early March. I was aware of this and for it would be totally okay with me. I have had a long distance relationship in the past and the distance never really bothered me. She however was concerned that she might not find friends and really get to know the new city, if there are people connecting her to her old city. She has moved in her teenage years several times and apparently never kept any friendships, let alone a relationship. I can't really understand this, since I only moved once and I kept her as a friend, without any problems.
Apart from that she obviously was afraid that we would only see each other 10 times a year or something like that, but I told her many times, we could manage, to see each other at least every 2nd week.
I saw her the previous night aswell and although she stated that she does not want to start a relationship, we were cuddling and kissing again. I really don't know what to read from that, but she often told me that she finds it disgusting to kiss people who you are not in love with, so theres that.
I am really confused right now, so this whole post might seem confusing. I am sorry for this.
Do you think, I still got a chance? I mean women tend to say, when they really mean yes, just because they want to be convinced. But then again, I don't want to be a guy to talk a girl into something she does not want. | Long time best friend is leaving my city. We recently discovered that we fell in love with each other, but she does not want a long distance relationship. |
t3_4g75vk | relationships | Me [21/F] with my ex-anorexic best friend [21/F], she keeps eating all of my food. | Okay so I know this sounds a bit petty, but I'm a student on a very limited budget.
One of my very good friends struggled deeply with anorexia a few years ago. She refused to eat and got extremely thin. She was sent to a clinic and has been doing much better. However, food (and especially her eating) is an extremely sensitive topic that is just not discussed around her without a freak-out on her part. Outside of this, she is one of my best friends and I am so insanely lucky to have her.
The problem is that she now has a HUGE appetite. She does not seem to have a lot of control with food and eats REALLY fast. She then starts eating my food. I end up eating less than half of my food before she has finished the rest. This happens in restaurants, at my house, any situation that involves food.
As I already mentioned, I'm a student on a limited budget and this is really starting to add up. I simply cannot afford it. I've gone home hungry way too many times now after she ate all my food. When she comes over she goes through my groceries for the week in one sitting. I'm terrified of talking to her about it because I do not want to make her feel uncomfortable about eating when she has made so much progress. Is there any possible way to broach the subject without doing any damage? | Ex- anorexic friend who is sensitive about food keeps eating all of my food, I'm a poor student and cannot afford this. What do I do? |
t3_4gy3a8 | relationships | My [30M] girlfriend [24] of 5 years, obsesses and worries about me cheating. Has no trust even though I've never done anything wrong. | We have dated for 5 years, and she's lived with me for 2 years now. When we were long distance, she didn't seem to worry about anything. But now we live together, and if we go out to eat.. She's drives herself crazy looking around at a girl she thinks I might find attractive. And first off, I have never cheated on any girlfriend I've ever had. I'm not that kind of guy, and I tell her all the time. I'm her first boyfriend though, so I guess she can't help it.
I need to know what to do though. She cries and cries telling me she's afraid I'll like someone more, cheat, leave her ect. And I am honestly so patient with her and have been for these two years with this. I try to calm her down, and ease the anxiety and it works for a few days.. But then it's back again. She's afraid to get old, because she said she'll be ugly and I won't be attracted to her anymore, and I'll leave for somebody who is younger.
I'm asking this on here now, because we planned on going to a movie in the park this weekend.. And she's scared. She thinks there will be pretty young girls that I'll be attracted to. I told her I pay no attention to other girls. I only want her and love her like crazy. Then it ended up in a fight.
Can anyone please help me help my girlfriend? I am a faithful guy and would never hurt her. How do I make her realize this for good? | for 2 years my girlfriend has had crazy anxiety about me cheating or leaving, or leaving her when she's old for someone younger. I've never cheated and never would, but she had zero trust. How do I help her? |
t3_19wdz2 | AskReddit | How would you confront your fellow club member/coworker? | Throwaway account.
Redditors I need your help.
I'm currently on a board for a sports club at my school. With several other club board members, we allocate and organize finances to attend competitions and plan events. Our finances must be approved by school admins before we can act on it. None of the work we do is paid by the school.
This past year, we have had major issues regarding two members who have been stepping out of line and disrespecting us despite our efforts. This has created a slight schism within our club that I want to address because I care a lot about this club and don't want it to dissolve because of personal conflicts.
**Member A**:
1. One of the oldest members. A is also talented in the sport so that has earned him respect.
2. **BUT** ANGER ISSUES (i.e. huge argument with school admin-> bad rep for club)
3. Despite his well intentions to contribute more the club, his temper has really deterred any board member from allowing him to make contact with school officials. Meanwhile, he has continued to criticize our efforts. I can't get him to understand that we are a small force that can only do so much.
**Member B**
1. Formerly held unofficial position but was removed due to a miscommunication. Costed the club several hundred dollars. Never apologized for his actions.
2. Requested him to do favors for the club because without his help, we wouldn't be able to attend a tournament. He refused and only offered the favor when we held an emergency meeting with the coach regarding this situation.
While our coach is not affiliated with the school, we plan on asking our coach for advice.
Maybe I'm holding too big of a personal grudge but since these members will be around for at least another year, I want to learn how I can address these issues. Because they obviously don't respect us for work and effort we put in, confronting them is going to be a challenge. How can I give it to them? | 1 hot-tempered member + 1 irresponsible member= schism in sports club. Need help confronting/addressing them. Any advice appreciated. |
t3_km9ne | AskReddit | Help Reddit! I don't have electricity because the power company refuses to let me put it in my name. | Backstory: I'm located in Southern California and moved into my apartment on August 1st and was able to successfully setup my utilities online without issue -- or at least it appeared that way at the time. Fast forward to a month and half later and I find myself without power today because the previous tenants had an outstanding balance on their power bill.
The catch? *The previous tenants had my same last name.*
After speaking with the power company earlier today (in person), they told me that they had conducted an investigation and refuse to turn my power on until the outstanding balance is paid, which they oh-so-kindly let me know was in the amount of $2600!
I informed them that I am not liable for the previous balance and that I moved into the building for the first time on August 1st, yet they won't budge. I even showed them my passport to let them know that I had been out of the country for 2 years previous to moving into my new apartment.
Furthermore, when speaking to them in person, not only did they assume that I was related to the previous tenants, they told me my story was hokey, and even told me that their decision is final and that they are "the law". They even got a copy of my new lease and confirmed this with the landlord!
How can I be forced to pay someone else's debt? Is there anyone in the LA area that I could contact or speak with so as to help represent me?
I'll be heading out to a coffee shop later so I can use my computer and check any responses.
Thank you! | Previous tenants had the same last name as me and an outstanding balance on their power bill and the power company refuses to turn the power on for me until that balance is taken care of. |
t3_2sjqax | relationships | Me (23F) with guy (25M), he gave me the it's not you it's me excuse and now I feel extremely crushed cause I felt there was a really connection. | I (23F) have a quick question about an issue that has been bothering me. So a guy (25M) I was dating for 4 months ended things with me last night. I can't say I wasn't expecting it cause he was acting distant since new years. Last night I went over to his place and asked him what was going on. I didn't want to like corner him but I really wanted to talk to him in person and all my attempts to plan a time to talk to him hadn't worked out.
Long story short he told me he had a lot on his plate and didn't feel like he could give me the time I deserved from him. And that he couldn't continue something with me knowing he wasn't fully contributing. Now I've heard the it's not you it's me excuse before so I know it when I hear it. But for some reason I am having a hard time with it this time, I haven't left my apartment since it happened and have been crying none stop.
I really felt a connection with this guy and up till him acting distant I felt like he was just as involved in the relationship as I was. Then it was like a light switch and he was just off. I understand people change and feelings change but I still feel horribly rejected by this guy that I felt there was a connection with but he didn't feel the same. I also feel like I messed up somehow to make him change his mind. I know he's not thinking about me too which makes me upset too.
I haven't dated much since my last long relationship of 4 years ended last year, and when I did (before this guy) we usually went on a date or two and not feeling anything would just let it go. Actually feeling a connection with this guy meant a lot to me cause I hadn't felt it in so long, and sensing that he felt it too was awesome. But now that I realize he didn't I feel crushed. Im not really sure what I am asking but can anyone give me some advise? | Me (23F) with guy (25M), he gave me the it's not you it's me excuse and now I feel extremely crushed cause I felt there was a really connection. |
t3_554onj | relationships | feeling confused about long term relationship sex and porn (27/m) & (26/f) | Lately I feel like how sex life hasn't been the same. A lot of times he doesn't finish. I talked to him about it and he didn't seem bothered but he said he didn't know why. We've been together two years and we have a lot of fun and he's always caring.
Then I notice he's been masturbating I assume more than before. It's making me feel bad like he is more excited about porn or something. We haven't really talked about porn but I know he used to watch it a lot but he said he will watch it if there is something new by someone famous or something.
I tried to ask why does he seem to masturbate a lot when I'm not there and he just got mad about wanting privacy. Which I understand but I have no problem if he masturbates. My point is that I feel like we have some problem and that might affect it.
Also I used to want sex a lot more than him and we had a huge fight because I was tired of him making me feel bad for that. After that I just stopped asking for it and instead highly encouraged things along haha and then I'd say our sex and the amount was great.
Now I've started trying to do or ask for some thinngs different or new and he never really wants to and I don't know why. I know he's still attracted to me but I'm worried if he's watching porn a lot. And I don't think he would really answer me if I asked about that. | I usually want sex more than him but the sex isn't the same suddenly and he seems to masturbate more and I don't know what to feel about porn. |
t3_4v2sn0 | relationships | Me [22 M] with my ex [21 F] have Recently Broke up after almost a 3 year relationship, am I missing something? | We Met in Sophomore year of College and now we are graduating. We have had amazing communication, Deep talks and conversations, great Chemistry and Sex. Great moments with our families. We were both in this mindset of building a life together and eventually moving out and Marrying. Got each other promise Rings, we were in the process of applying to move out to a new place, we got a car, even had a joint savings account.
We recently Broke up (gave each other everything we had that was ours like rings and jewelry, spearated Joint Accounts, gave me back half $ for the car) cause she felt that recently she's been distant and says that I have changed/Lost a little part of who I was when she met me. I agree that I have changed a Lil bit, we became more dependent on each other, I started to do things and say things only for her and not for my self (lowered my confidence and pride in myself, less of a Man).
Also, she's the kind of girl to have Mood swings, and say a lot of things and don't really mean them (like she wants a fling/cheat, wants to be with me forever, etc). Because of her mood swings, she told me those were signs but she suppressed those feelings because she thought we could work through them and we did. But those thoughts/feelings kept creeping back in her mind. She also said it was unhealthy that we didnt have freinds and that we were just focusing on us. Finally she told me that relationships can end at any moment and that she needs this to end now so we can become independent. She said she wants to find someone who is already set while she is set and then have a relationship.
I was completely Numb when she told me this and I was just okay with it. I guess I was just tired of being the only one fighting for the relationship. | In Summary, I recently had a long term relationship (3 years) end and i am just a little bit confused on why it ended and what's the best course of action. |
t3_1nlhch | relationships | My [21m] girlfriend [18f] has a cold sore, and I don't want to kiss her. How can I tell her without hurting her feelings? | I rarely get to see my girlfriend, and we're both excited about our date tonight. However, I saw her earlier this week and she had a cold sore on her lip.
I've kissed her before when she's had a cold sore, even though she warned me about it. I figured I already had the virus so it didn't matter. However, I got curious and a couple minutes ago I did some research. I've come to find out that what I've gotten in the past are just canker sores, which are different from cold sores. I don't have the virus, and I'd rather not catch it.
The last text she sent me before she went to bed was something to the effect of "I'm going to kiss you as soon as I see you." How do I tell her that that can't happen without making her feel dirty and unwanted? What's the nicest way I can say that I don't want to kiss her? | My girlfriend has a cold sore, how can I tell her that I don't want to kiss her without hurting her feelings? |
t3_1rkehu | relationship_advice | I [20/m] really want to get to know a girl [19/f]. I'm very attracted to her, but she just broke up with her boyfriend. Need some advice. | I'll try to keep this short and simple. I am extremely attracted to a girl that I met in one of my classes. She's smart, funny, fun to be around, and drop dead gorgeous. She just broke up with her boyfriend, who straight up cheated on her around two weeks ago. We hung out a few times that week, just hanging out and smoking, nothing more. I'm not the kind of guy to make a move within the first week of meeting a girl, let alone the week after she's broken up with her boyfriend. Its been two weeks since we've chilled/talked, since school let out for the holidays. We go back next week, and I'm really looking forward to potentially hanging out with her.
I don't want this girl to be the one that got away. It would surely suck if she didn't feel the same way, which still wouldn't be the end of the world. With this girl, it would still be pretty nice to at least be friends. She's chill. The thing is that she's so damn gorgeous that she could have a boyfriend anytime she wanted. Most people would probably consider her "out of my league". I guess my biggest problem is that I struggle with confidence and self-esteem, and I tend to deny a normally obvious message like, "oh, that's just how she looks at everyone" kinda thing. I just don't know how to handle this situation. That's the gist of it. Any advice would be appreciated! Sorry if I forget any seemingly important information, I'll edit if I have to. | Very attracted to beautiful girl. Just broke up with boyfriend. How/when do I make a gentlemanly effort that doesn't hurt anyone? Should I be talking to her over break, etc? |
t3_2tz3wc | relationships | Did she [19F] give me[19M] her number just to be nice, or was it something more? | So i got a new phone, as a result i had to ask for people's numbers on Facebook. Among the people who gave me their number was this one girl from high school, its been around 6 months since we've actually talked in person (we're freshman in different colleges a couple hours away now). She's nice and all but i wouldn't say we were ever close; that being said, it'd be great to become closer friends with her.
What confused me though, was that after getting her number, there was a mini texting conversation essentially just confirming the number and she just didn't seem interested in talking at all so i just stopped.
It's been like two weeks since then and we havent talked to each other, what im wondering is; did she just give me her number to be nice? Or should I try to talk to her again? if so, what should I say? Any opinions? Thanks in advance! | A girl I never got the chance to talk to in high school gave me her number after i asked for them on my facebook wall(new phone).Was she just being nice? Does she want to keep in touch? |
t3_2n9znb | relationships | My BF insists we spend the exactly same amount on xmas gifts for each other and coordinate specific budgets, is that strange? Me (23/F), Him (27/M) | This will be my second Christmas with my boyfriend, we will have been dating almost two years by Christmas. Last year, he urged that we put a monetary value on how much each of us will spend on gifts and I said $100 (because that is what I could afford). No problem, we had a nice Christmas. Now again this year, my boyfriend asked how much we are spending on gifts. I said my budget is $100 and he said fine. At first, he even said he just wants $100 which I thought was tacky to ask.
I want to know if it is weird that my boyfriend insists we spend an equal amount on gifts; he makes significantly more money than I do (2.5x), but keeps pestering me about a hard number to spend. Personally, I use $100 as my ballpark but if something that may cost a bit more if its worth it. I feel I can only say how much I am comfortably spending, but it really takes the fun out of gift giving knowing that he is so tit for tat about it. Is this out of the ordinary? When giving gifts to friends and family members, I have never discussed money. | Boyfriend insists we spend equal amounts on Xmas gifts to be "fair," I think it is a weird thing to pester me about. |
t3_4t64ld | relationships | I [19/M] hooked up with this girl [19/F] from work, not sure how to proceed. | After about 3 weeks of working at a new summer job, i kinda hit it off with this girl who works there and she asked for my snapchat. We snapchatted for a day, then I asked if she wanted to hangout and smoke.
So we go to the beach around sunset and we got along really really well. One thing led to the next we're making out on the beach and shes dry humping me to the point that she said she had an orgasm.
We leave the beach and I ask if she wants to go for ice cream which she loved. We got ice cream and were sitting outside eating it and making out for about 15 mins and she says "your place or mine?"
So we end up going back to my house and we had sex for a good bit but she had to stop me before i came because she said it was hurting her stomach... so we smoked another bowl and i drove her back home.
We got along very well, were on the same page with a lot of stuff and it really just seemed like we both had a great time. She said she doesnt really want to do the whole relationship thing until shes older because she hates not having something stable (which i totally understand)
A couple of days later im trying to make plans and shes being very slow with answering texts, says she wants to hang at a certain time but doesnt end up texting me to hang out etc etc
I don't want to come off as too pushy or clingy but i had a good time and i'd like to hang out with her again but shes honestly one of the slowest texters ive ever met lol. Should i just go off her attempts at making plans? I know she has a ton of friends and does a bunch of shit so thats probably part of it. and shes a massive stoner so she probably just loses track of time lol | hooked up with girl, had a great time, not sure how much i should pursue due to her lack of texting/communication |
t3_32q0xd | relationships | I[24m] found naked pictures of my married cousin[32f] with another man online, what do I do? | I was browsing through reddit and I saw a girl that looked a lot like my cousin. I checked the submission and yup there was an album of eight pictures of her. In the photos there are pictures of her naked smiling at the camera, and there are photos of her blowing a guy as well. Now not to be too explicit, but the guy's dick is huge. From just looking at the photos they are of her when she is younger, she is not cheating.
I did a reverse image search and it turns out that one of the pictures is posted on a couple popular tumblrs and some other websites as well. I know that there are a lot of nudes online etc, however the thing which is scary about this, is that the tag/category used to search there isn't a lot of porn/pictures for it, so it's not just like it's in the depths of the internet either.
What do I do? She has a career where if this photo was to get leaked it could really screw it up, and furthermore I know her husband would not be okay with this at all. I have talked to the guy he is conservative. If he was to see this, I wouldn't be surprised if they divorced right then and there. | found naked pictures of my cousin online. If her husband found out she had nude photos he would divorce her on the spot. What do I do? |
t3_1a4y52 | dating_advice | I have been in my (17f) first official relationship (17m) with a sweet guy (17) for a week, and I need some advice! | Some background: We are seniors in high school, have been friends-of-friends for a while, became better friends, hit it off and quickly started to like each other about 4 weeks ago when I transferred into his math class and from our mutual participation in a rock climbing program. He has also never been in a relationship.
He asked me out last weekend, and we went to the school musical as something cute/fun. We held hands and cuddled kind of during that. Afterward, we went to get food and driving back he told me he liked me, I said I liked him also and he asked if I would like to officially go out with him, and I said I would love to. There wasn't really the right moment to kiss him, though I told him later I wanted to (I think we were both nervous). We still haven't kissed.
I get to see him for about an hour during school days, and we text about the NFL and miscellaneous things. Hanging out after school during the weeks is not an option because we both We are going out next Friday and will see each other on Saturday because of a get together with mutual friends.
Right now I feel like in school we talk mostly like friends--we chat, tease some, and slack off in pre-calc. I don't really feel comfortable touching/hugging him a lot in school 1. because there are people around and new-couple PDA is obnoxious 2. I'm not used to dating someone and am not a publicly touchy-feely person.
I don't want him to start thinking of me as "just a friend," but I also don't want to come off as clingy or overattached to very new relationship.
What are some ways I can be affectionate without going over the top?
Any advice for a new relationship where both members are pretty busy?
How do I strike a balance between paying attention to him and being annoying? | In a new relationship, I need some advice about how to start being affectionate without being overbearing. (I put all my questions at the end). If possible, please be specific. |
t3_fl0my | relationships | Is it too early to tell? I think he's just looking for a friend with benefits. | Me 23f. Him 25m. I met him a couple weeks ago in a friend's friend's party. We hit it off pretty well and had a great time dancing together that night.
A few days later, he asked me out to lunch and we had a nice time talking about random things. I really enjoy just chilling outside and have a good discussion. Since then he has been asking me out to dinner and party a couple of times and we always end up back to his place afterwards to hang out. By that I mean cuddling and making out. There isn't much chatting anymore. When I suggested meeting in the day time with a different activity, he didn't seem that excited at all. Needless to say, we didn't get to hang out in the day time.
I try to talk to him more online, but he just doesn't seem to be interested in keeping the conversation going.
So now, he has again asked me out to dinner. I feel like the same dinner-movie-makeout pattern will come up again. This will be our fifth date if it happens.
So is it just me or does he just want a physical relationship? Like a friends with benefit thing? I'm not interested in it, so I should just make an excuse and not go to dinner right? | guy seems to only want to hang out at night to make out and do more physical things. The only time we hanged out in the day time was our first date. Is he only looking for a friend with benefits? |
t3_1jnqok | relationships | Is he (29m) obsessed with me? (20f) | We went out once. I fell for him really, really hard. We had an intense makeout session that same night and I was flying for the longest time.
I told my best friend about this. He was unsure because of the age gap, but didn't mind. Then this guy (let's say Bob) started texting and me a lot, which I was thrilled about. My friend told me to be cautious because it's creepy for a guy this age to message me so often. Bob called me 3 days after we went out, telling me he was outside to pick me up from work because there was a huge snowstorm. I found it super sweet, yet my friend told me it's creepy that he came unannounced.
I started to believe my friend. Bob eventually stopped messaging so often because of my lack of response, but still texting and occassionally calling to keep in touch. He moved away for the summer and will be back in september.
I am now convinced that Bob is obssessed over me. I told him the phonecalls and messages he sent me were very excessive. He apologized profusely and told me, none the less, that he misses me.
This sucks, though, because I really, really thought I liked him. Now I don't know if he was actually being too much and I should cut it off 100% or if my friend convinced me that Bob is obsessed.
Help, reddit!
And just so we're clear: my friend is gay and not at all interested in me. | I want to like this guy, but my friend convinced me that he is creepy and obsessed over me. I'm scared to proceed. |
t3_1laugk | dating_advice | I (29F) went on a date with a guy (26) last night - I thought it went well, now I'm not so sure. What do you all think? | I went on a date yesterday with a guy I met on OKCupid. My first proper date ever. I was nervous as I'm a little socially awkward and anxious. We met at 4 in the afternoon for a coffee. We ended up having a drink instead, then another, and then one more. We talked the whole time, I found him interesting, he was smiling a lot. He put his arm around my shoulder while he walked me to my cab and kissed me on the cheek when we said goodbye. He said he enjoyed meeting me and that we should get together again.
Now, to me, that sounded promising. However, I've never really done the dating thing before. I probably shouldn't have, but I text him a couple of hours after and said: "I had a nice time talking with you tonight. Thanks x"
And I received nothing back. I'm now thinking that maybe I came on too strong? Or perhaps I got the wrong idea and the whole arm around the shoulder thing didn't actually mean anything...clearly I'm going a little mental here.
Any insight would be appreciated :) | I went on a date with a guy last night for the first time, I thought it went well, but I'm second guessing the cues I thought I was picking up on. |
t3_21aokn | relationships | I [23M] have heard about my ex [20F] posting on public forums about how shitty of a person I am. Should I contact her and apologize? | So about 6 months ago I left a relationship that had been constantly on the rocks. I can admit my faults and say that I wasn't the best boyfriend to her at times but things really did change once I found out that she had been unfaithful to me. I tried to move on and accept it but later on I couldn't help myself and broke it off.
Fast forward to the present day. I have maintained NC with her until now. I'm not at all resentful towards her. I want her to have a good life. I've been with my new girlfriend for the past 2 months and have been loving every second of it.
However, I feel very bad that she's posting incriminating things about me on public forums that my friends are now reading. I've been feeling like sending her a message and apologizing but I'm honestly not sure what to do about this. The fact that SHE feels wronged is sort of eating away at me. I don't want to leave this whole thing with her having any bad vibes towards me.
Do you guys advise sending her an apology message and leaving it alone from there? I feel like I was never really there for her and at the time I really should have been. | Should I message my ex from 6 months ago apologizing for how little I tried to keep the relationship alive and not ever really being there for her? |
t3_1rkesz | pettyrevenge | Can't throw garbage in a can? Have fun with a messy door. | This happened a few years ago. My family had moved into an apartment on the first floor (Bombay, India). We have a terrace on the first floor past our balcony (there are shops on the ground floor facing other side, their ceiling makes up for our terrace). So only first floor residents had the terrace and others didn't. Also, since only first floor residents could use it, we paid for its maintenance as well.
So when we moved in, we saw the terrace was filled with random garbage, paper, wrappers what not. We had it cleaned, and my mom made it a point to clean it every morning herself.
Every morning , since moving in, we used to find random crap on the terrace, despite having cleaned it. It was obvious that someone was throwing their garbage on our terrace from their balcony, but since it was a 7 floor building, it was hard to pin point who was doing it. Though, we did doubt a nasty bitch on the 7th floor, who didn't get along with anyone in the society. We complained to the society manager, and even went to every floor personally to tell everyone nicely that people are living there now, please stop throwing garbage.
But it didn't stop. One morning I even found a condom !! (YUCK). But next to it I find a whole bunch of papers....which included junk mail, and an expired credit card..With name and everything. NOW it was clear that the bitch on the 7th floor was doing it.
The lack of civil behaviour just angered me so much. We complained again, this time with proof , but she wouldn't stop. So one morning, my mom gathered all the crap from the terrace, plus our own garbage, (which included eggs- they were pure vegetarians), and just spread it in front of her door.
Next morning she woke up to a smelly and disgusting smell. Take that bitch.
Since then, she stopped throwing garbage on our terrace as well! | nasty 7th floor bitch wouldn't stop throwing garbage on our terrace, mom picks up all and puts it in front of her door. |
t3_1mjfse | relationships | m e[23F] with my fill-in-the-blank [42M] semi-famous more-than-friend | So I'm at a loss with what to do because I'm somewhat seeing this MUCH older guy and it's super casual and he wants to keep it that way....but I'm worried my feelings are getting out of hand.
Normally this wouldn't bother me. HOWEVER....he's semi-famous. As in, he works in the entertainment industry and has a following but isn't a household name.
I feel like so many things in this situation make it unpredictable and make it not fit the normal dating rules.
Also, I totally wasn't seeking this out. He pursued me when we met through a friend of his (to my great surprise). If I had known where this was going/played an active hand in pursuing him, I would have been acknowledging the complexities of this all beforehand. But when he asked me out, I didn't expect anything to come of this, so I just let it happen.
And that's where I am. Stuck in this weird private relationship thing with a guy who doesn't "want a relationship" but totally contradicts himself by what he says and does when we're together and hanging out with his also famous friends (which is really nerve-wracking, btw. I would have expected him to want to be more private about this if he didn't want us to be a thing).
My question/where you guys come in is, what the hell do I do? I'm definitely developing feelings for him. But, I feel like between the facts he's a) so much older, b) not "wanting" a relationship, and c) semi-famous, this is going to be a really weird/tough thing to bring up.
GAHHH. | developing feelings for a man 20 yrs older than me who's semi-famous and "doesn't want" a relationship despite obvious signs. how to talk about this?. |
t3_329qdv | relationships | I [23F] want to break up with my boyfriend [23 M] of 6 months but I don't know how; he's my first and I've never had to do this before... advice? | Throwaway because my boyfriend reddits.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for about six months, and I've known for a while that he feels more strongly about me than I do about him. He texted me "I love you" pretty early on, and about a month ago he said it to my face. I told him that I didn't feel that strongly about him yet, but I liked him a lot and I wanted to keep going and see where my feelings developed.
It's about a month later now, and not only have my feelings toward him not changed (I like him, I like spending time with him, but I don't love him), I am becoming more and more sure that they're not going to change in the future. What's more, in the past I could overlook any doubts I had about the depth of my feelings (or lack thereof) because when I was with him, we had an amazing time, and I enjoyed every minute of it. However, I've noticed recently that I'm often getting bored or not paying attention when he's talking, and it's just not the same quality of time that it used to be. So I've come to the conclusion that it's time to break up.
The problem is, this is my first "real" relationship (and from what he's told me, his first too - we were both virgins when we met), so I really don't know how to break up with someone! What's worse is that I can tell my boyfriend has no idea anything is wrong - he keeps talking about me meeting his parents next month when they're in town (he already met mine), or going on double dates with his friends. I've been feeling things cooling off, but he hasn't been, and this is going to totally blindside him.
I've already chickened out of doing it once, but we're meeting for lunch tomorrow and I have to do it this time. How do I break up with him as gently as possible? How do I even bring it up in conversation and avoid chickening out again? Please give me your advice! | He's my first boyfriend ever and he says he loves me, but I feel things cooling off. How do I break up without totally crushing him? I've never had to do this before. |
t3_2q8aos | relationships | My (19F) boyfriend (21M) of over a year makes me feel embarrassed to show my true emotions to him at times. | My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year at this point, and we have been living together for around nine months.
Our relationship has been pretty great up until about a month or so ago. We've had our fair share of differences in opinion over the past month. Nothing too big, just minor things. Until today.
All day when he was at work, all I could think of was how strong my feelings for him are. How badly I want a future with him. I was just craving having him next to me.
When he got home, I was so happy to see him. I gave him a big hug and kiss and we talked a little about how his day was at work and then we laid down to cuddle.
I was cupping his cheek with my hand and looking into his eyes and said "you know, I really think the kind of love I have for you is the once-in-a-lifetime kind of love" and with that, I started to get teary-eyed.
He said he felt the same and we lied(layed?) in silence for a while, just cuddling.
Fast forward to an hour and a half later. I tell him I love him and go in for a kiss. He stops me and says "come on...too much sappiness makes me sick."
I just immediately began to cry and left the room. I locked myself in the bathroom for a while to gather my thoughts and then sat down with him to talk through this.
He says he didn't mean to hurt me, my emotions are just overwhelming at times. We hugged and made up but I'm still upset.
I can't help but feel embarrassed and self-conscious about expressing my feelings for him after the comment he made. How can I move past this? | I told my boyfriend how special our love is to me and he told me that my sappiness makes him sick. I am now feeling embarrassed and self-conscious about expressing my feelings to him. How to move past this? |
t3_kkzy1 | AskReddit | What should I do, reddit? | I'm a 19 year old biology student that has experience in sex/relationships/break ups, blah blah, just like most others my age (I hope). I'm currently interested in my closest/best friend who is also a 19 year old bio student at my uni. But....he has no experience in any of this. I really want to progress our friendship to a very intimate state where we will be able to have "benefits". I want to be his first. He likes me very much and I him, but neither of us want to date right now. We like being fun friends (best friends, at that) with occasional flirting and suggestive convos...that sort of thing. He wants me to be his first also..but I need advice on how to delicately handle and aid the friendship until it reaches the "ready" point. We've never kissed, and I don't know how to approach it. He is very smart, intellectual, but just so very shy. Never makes the moves though I know he desires to. I know this suits r/relationships better but I enjoy askreddit Redditors much much more. | Interested in inexperienced best friend, (and he is interested in me), I want to make moves but don't know how/when |
t3_22ziab | relationships | Little bit of insight? | The woman of my dreams, f (25) left me, m (28) because of my own issues I have been working on since she left. I drove her away emotionally and physically but I have now realized what I should have done... Make an effort. I'm not sure I can ever get her to understand me or allow me to prove to her that I am that guy she once fell in love with. I haven't talked to her in about six months in regards to her and I but what I'd like to know is, is it plausible that I could do something to tell her I know what was wrong and I now have the understanding of myself to not ever let those issues ever arise again? I feel like I have not made any attempt to make amends with her and it's really bothering me | I ruined what I feel is the best relationship I'm going to have and want her to know that I resolved the issues she left me for in the first place. Any advice? |
t3_1cbxjo | relationship_advice | My girlfriend doesn't trust me because I cheated on my ex with her. | I was with my ex for 2 years on and off, and it finally ended after I told her I cheated. The girl I cheated with is now my current girlfriend and when she's not with me she gets paranoid about me cheating on her.
I think because of the circumstances it's fair that she should be a bit paranoid but I think I do love her and I don't have any desire to cheat.
When me and my ex were still together and I was cheating with my current she would see me texting her saying "I miss you" and "I love you". I think I've come across as kind of cold and she thinks I could be doing the same to her while we're apart
Is there anything I can say or do to her to reassure her? | Cheated on my ex girlfriend with current model. She doesn't trust me because I used to lie to my ex and she feels like the shoe could be on the other foot. |
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