id
stringlengths 8
9
| subreddit
stringclasses 29
values | title
stringlengths 2
300
| post
stringlengths 1
2.32k
| summary
stringlengths 70
278
|
|---|---|---|---|---|
t3_2iwcex | relationships | Me [23 M] with my ex gf [22 F], funny how things work | After meeting our freshman year of college, things were great. She was my first love and my real first GF. We got into some fights here and there but it we always recovered. As our junior year started, feelings and doubt began to enter the picture. We were great but there were some things about our personalities that didn't quite mesh.
I wanted to focus on myself and really try being single in school. I didn't want to regret being with someone I met when I was 18 for the rest of my life. We did break up our senior year. I enjoyed the time with friends and just trying to talk to girls again.
After graduation, priorities changed and we began to hook up again. She broke it off with me senior year and wanted to get back. I began to fall for her again but she had moved on and now has another BF. I know I am remembering only the good stuff about our relationship. But man I miss her. However, I also know if I never tried dating other people I would always have that thought lingering in the back of mind.
Funny how things play out... | Had a great girl I met freshman year. Things change over years. Who knows if I made the right choice. At the time it did, but it sure doesn't now. |
t3_2kq3xy | askwomenadvice | Female Expectation Issues | I would like some input as to how to approach a situation that thus far, has exclusively been with regards to women.
A bit of background to set a baseline. I exhibit a majority of the classic AvPD symptoms. It is something I have accepted and embraced. I do not want a relationship any farther than a friend. The men that I interact with regularly realize and accept that without obtuse criticism.
One of my hobbies is writing. So as part of that, I like to listen to people's stories, their experiences and feelings. Helps to make characters more realistic in turn. It becomes a nice coping mechanism for my AvPD tendencies. Based on my personal experiences, men love to tell you about their experiences, their feelings.
My issue is that a substantial majority of women have inherent "expectations" set for me, which I neither desire nor understand. There are expectations that I should be in a relationship (as long as it is not with them), or should seek higher positions.
They disregard that my objective is inherently different from theirs. I live to write out the world in my head. When that is all complete, I will leave. End of story, as it were.
I would humbly request some advice as to how to go about this. I enjoy listening to their experiences and their stories, I enjoy seeing them as characters and how they interact with others. I do not care for them projecting their expectations on me. I do not want to sever these sources of information by roughly rejecting them.
Thus far I have attempted to:
* Explain my life objective (*which was met with comments regarding depression or lack of ambition* - **which I in turn will not deny, but I do not care for obvious statements**).
* Have attempted to reason that logically speaking, my actions are insignificant - whether I engage in a relationship or the employment rat race. (*To which the common response "We care about you" seems to disregard any of my opinions*)
I appreciate any advice or criticism granted, and *will apologize in advance if I respond to "seek therapy" statements with "There's no need to cure what isn't wrong" statements. | Women project their expectations of my life onto me, and I would like a method to stop that without irrevocably damaging the social relationship between myself and them. |
t3_4gxq8d | relationships | Neighbor [40sM] was screaming at children [1 and 3 m and f] so we [20sMF] called cops. | UPDATE: psycho Jill spoke to me and I got absolutely reamed because apparently she hates my husband and from now on we need to keep ourselves to ourselves, ignore any noises we hear, or she will call CPS on us when our son plays in the front yard and we aren't there. I'm shaking. | sounded like neighbor was physically and/or verbally abusing his young kids. We called police. Now his wife wants to speak to us and we aren't sure how best to go about it. |
t3_3lf4pl | relationships | My wife is too demanding | More of a rant here. But maybe I (34) can get some advice. My wife (42) of 3 years is amazing. I'm completely in love with her. But she's insanely jealous and demanding of my time. I work 7-6 m-f and 8-12 sat. If I'm not at work I am to be with her. Doing what she wants. When she wants.
I'm allowed Wednesday nights only to play video games or do what I want to do. Every other night if I don't do what she wants and decide to watch a tv show that I want to watch or movie or game. She gets mad and I have to deal with 3 days of cold shoulder and attitude. I'm not allowed to go over friends houses unless she is with me. The other day I texted her and asked if SHE wanted to go over to a friends house WITH me. She replied "no. You go. Just don't be late. "
So I went. And came home to her pissed off and that her telling me I could go was a test and I should have just came home to her because she's more important than my friends.
She also Threatens that other guys will treat her better and I'm lucky to be with her. I pay every bill in the house. I make a great living. She has a brand new Navigator. I pamper her. Love her and take care of her. As long as I'm catering to her every wish it's fine. If I'm doing something I want to do and she doesn't. Heaven help me | wife is too demanding of my free time. I'm sick of being told what I can and can't do. ANY HELP?? |
t3_3mu5ak | relationships | Me [27 M] with my fiancée [26 F] of three years, I need some advice on how to take charge and revamp our sex life. | Hi guys, I'm new here so I hope I explain myself right. I'm looking for some advice as my fiancée and I are in a pretty big rut right now.
At the start of our relationship, until about a year ago, we enjoyed a really active sex life. She was the first girl I had dated who was on the same page with me sexually in terms of libido and likes/dislikes. She was always flirty, sexually suggestive, she would dress up, send pictures all the time - it was pretty awesome lol.
Thing is, I've always been a shy person. I grew up not really talking about sex, and just being shy in general in terms of being up front and aggressive about things. While I've been with quite a few girls, and despite being pretty aggressive and confident when things get going, I seem to have an issue with being upfront and initiating sex out of nowhere (like, just spontaneously starting something when it's unexpected). I'm moreso the type to wait until we're in bed for the night and initiate something then. I know my fiancée likes the idea of me being aggressive and taking what I want, I guess I just need help in that department in terms of how best to go about that and how to psych myself up to do something out of my comfort zone - I hope this makes sense somewhat.
Anyways, sex has gotten very sparse in the past year and I feel like she is moreso waiting for me to initiate, and that her sex drive is way down. I would like her to initiate things once in a while though, but I hate thinking that she's bored of our sex life or is unsatisfied. I want to please her and get that spark back that seems to have disappeared. If any of you could provide some advice as to the best way to go about this I'd appreciate it. | I'm a shy guy looking for some advice on how to take charge in the bedroom with my fiancée and revamp our sex life. |
t3_zapm4 | relationship_advice | Girlfriend acting strange. I need third opinions. | Just for some quick background: I'm a junior in college. I've been dating this girl for about 8 months now. I'm really in love with her. We've spent the past 3 months away from each other for summer break (we just got back to college). We visited each other over break, and everything seemed to be going swimmingly until about mid-August.
Communication between us seemed to die down. I called her one night and asked if everything was alright between us. She said yeah, we were cool, and the reason communication had slowed down was that her job had given her more hours and she wanted to spend more time with her friends since she'd be leaving them for quite some time soon. Completely understandable.
Now that we're back it's difficult for me to even get a text out of her. I gathered a group of friends to go to a hookah bar last night. She joined and seemed to be ignoring me the entire night. I asked her if we needed to talk and she seemed annoyed. She said everything was fine between us and that there was nothing to discuss. I backed off. Right before she went back home I said, "I love you," and she said, "Yeah I'm having heart palpitations and I don't feel well. That's why I've been acting weird." I told her to update me on how she's doing.
She called me before she went to bed and apologized for her behavior.
I'm setting up plans to have a movie night just the two of us since we haven't had any alone time since we got here.
I've been feeling incredibly uneasy about her behavior and would like to know what other redditors think. | Girlfriend acting more distant than usual. Seems to always come up with an understandable excuse, but this is going on 2 months now. Really uneasy. |
t3_4i14z7 | relationships | My [36F] husband [41M] of six years is aimless and unfulfilled, and I don't know how to help him, but the anger it's causing is getting bad. | We'll start from the end.
Yesterday he blew up about pens. Specifically, he didn't like where I keep them in my office because the baby [>2F] could get to them. I tried to tell him we could talk about it later, as the baby was fussy and made any discussion near impossible. He took this as me shutting him down, which turned into him telling what a bad mom I am and that I only think of myself. I asked him to step away from the situation to calm down, which only made things worse. Eventually, after more yelling and mud slinging, he left.
When he got back he was near tears, said he didn't deserve us and that he knows he needs to reign in his temper.
But here's the thing. This wasn't about me or pens or any of that. I think this is coming from the fact that he hasn't had a job in two years and, though he watches our daughter and loves her to pieces, being a stay-at-home dad isn't his life's dream.
And my husband is a dreamer...just sadly not a doer. Up until recently, it worked out well. I'm the go-getter who nudges him forward. He's the dreamer who's taught me to enjoy the now.
But I can't nudge him anymore. I've sent him links to classes, groups, meet-ups that I think he'd like. We've talked at length about what he wants to do with himself. He always has ideas, but he has absolutely no drive to actually start anything.
It's frustrating, but whatever, it doesn't really bother me. In fact, I like that he's home taking care of our daughter. I get to see her more and daycare is expensive.
But he's not happy. And that unhappiness is turning into anger.
What do I do? How can I help? How to I get him to do something for himself and be happy so we don't have anymore of these blowups? | Husband hasn't worked in two years. He's unfulfilled as a stay-at-home dad but doesn't seem to have the motivation to do anything about it other than yell at me. Ideas appreciated. |
t3_h70rt | AskReddit | Child abuse isn't funny, yet Pedobear is an extremely popular meme. Similarly, domestic violence isn't funny, so why don't we have a Wifebeater Racoon, or a Bowel Cancer Reindeer? | I understand that Pedobear is a shock joke and like dead baby jokes, the humour lies not in any inherent value of the joke but in the shock of the audience.
But since Pedobear is well known and in my opinion tired meme, nobody is shocked by it. So doesn't that mean the joke is valueless? Yet people upvote it.
I don't like any memes because I believe they are lazy and make no attempt at originality, so maybe that's it?
I have a similar mindset to most redditors and when I see Pedobear jokes on the front page I think to myself, people who think like me also are sociopath freaks who think child rape is hilarious. | I know this post won't change anything, and I'm not whining, but I would like to have a discussion about this please. |
t3_1if1jr | relationships | My girlfriend [19/F] is really stressed out. Says she's still figuring out who she is and what she wants to do with her life. I [22/M] don't know what to do. | Our relationship is still new. We've only been together for about a month. We've both been overly stressed out lately. She's stressed about school, I'm stressed because she's stressed. She says that she still need to find herself and what she wants to do. But that she feels her getting into a relationship is good for her. That it keeps her grounded and it's something that she needed.
Me, I have conflicting feelings. I feel as if a relationship is putting more stress on her and that things would be easier for her if she wasn't in a relationship.
I want to help her, but Idk how. She's kinda stubborn, so she doesn't really like to ask others for help with her problems. So a lot of the time I feel helpless when she's not feeling ok and I don't know what to do/can't do anything to help. | Girlfriend is stressed beyond belief. Im stressed because she's stressed and there's not much I can do to help. What do? |
t3_4jox6l | relationships | Me [19/F] with my boyfriend[29M] of 1 year and a half..age gap and marriage?? | Hi
So I've been with my boyfriend(29M) for a year and a half. It's probably the best relationship I could ever ask for. We're super close, we make compromises for each other, and overall it's just a healthy relationship.
But.. I'm nervous that I want to get married way too soon. I really would like to be engaged in 1 or 2 years. We have talked about it and he has said that he sees a future with me and vice versa. He isn't exactly a "romance crazy" guy. He's a realist. He sees no point in fantasizing about the future when we can focus on the now.
I am in school and he has a steady job. But I genuinley want to get engaged in a year or two. I know what some people are thinking. You're too young, you want to party, etc etc. After being together for a year and a half I think we've both established that the stages of where we are in life is not much of a problem because we end up working it out i feel.. I'm not sure.
I would just love some advice and opinions. Thx. | Healthy relationship, 10 year age gap...I want to get engaged in a year or two but haven't brought it up to him. Advice and opinions? |
t3_1zewgj | relationships | I [17 M] am not sure if my friend [17 F] is interested in me or is just being nice | We have known each other for about a year or so, but only lately have we started talking a lot. We've been talking every day for the past 2-4 weeks.
We have been talking a lot about our deep thoughts, and we've been learning more about who each other are. She tells me a lot of things, and I tell her a lot of things.
She'll rarely flirt with me, but she's always sending me smiley faces, and she always tells me good morning and goodnight. We have planned on going to a film festival sometime because we both like indie movies.
I've shown my interest in her a few times, but I don't think she picked up on it. She has called me attractive and has told me that she loves my personality. I'm not sure if I should make more moves or not, and I'm not sure if there's any way I can find out if she's interested in me.
We are planning on hanging out a lot though, and alone, I should add. She has told me that she trusts me a lot. She's actually a grade ahead of me, so she'll be going off to college in the fall, but she told me I could go and visit her on weekends. And just today, we were talking about food, and I told her she hasn't had the best food until she tried my cooking, and she told me that she's completely open to trying my cooking, with a smiley face. | She barely flirts, puts a lot of smiley faces in her texts, and we have plans to hang out a lot, alone. Is she interested in me? |
t3_21nxfb | relationships | Me [18 F] and my Girlfriend [18 F] of 3 years broke up in the worst way | I broke up with her, after our (for me and I guess for our age) long realtionship.
I just didn't feel it in the last months. I really really like her, but I don't love her. I think I knew, but I just didn't want to realize it.
She has put alot more into our relationship than I did in these months. She has just been the most supporting and loving person in my entire life and has helped me through my social anxiety by making me feel 100% loved. Even though I have friends, she is the only one I ever felt safe around and felt like I could be 100% sure she really likes me.
We broke up today and it tore her up. I have never seen anyone cry this hard and look so devastated. It hurt me so much that I felt actual physical pain in my chest. I just couldn't take it.
Just a few days prior I was so sure that I would get my life under control if I ended this. But now I just don't know anymore what I should do. I don't want to stay with her just because she makes me feel good, when I don't really love her. She deservers more than that. | I broke up with a girlfriend that was just so loving and nice and made me feel really good. I can't get over it, even though I feel like it's the right thing. |
t3_4ejcyn | relationships | Me [20 M] with my parents [60 M/F], don't know how to approach them about marrying my girlfriend [23 F] of 2 years. | I know everyone has their own issues with their parents in one way or another, so that means every situation is going to be different. I've had a fairly normal life other than developing crippling social anxieties such that I'm doing well in academics, music and exercise. But I still struggle dealing with people, and the people I am most afraid to deal with are my parents. I have very intimidating parents, in that they're very smart, very judgy, and know how to make one feel bad with a couple words. I often feel like parents can be friends, and that they're always someone people can fall back to when things get tough. That's the situation for me, I've always had to rely on myself for most things. I think one of the reasons why I have an insecurity about them is that I don't feel like I can easily fall back to them, they have been quite controlling throughout my life with many of my decisions.
I have one important decision that I have made about marrying my girlfriend, and it's obvious choice. She's been the only person I've had a continued friendship in my entire life, and if that isn't a good reason, then I'd be alone forever (and yes, there's more to it than that). The question here isn't about how sure I am about marrying her, it's more how to present to my parents about the situation. The girlfriend's parents have known for a little while and have started referring to me as future son in law as a joke, but she has a very different relationship with her parents.
In what sort of situation do I bring this up? I know they won't say no, but there have been a lot of stressful factors going on in my life, and I don't want them to think I'm making a rash decision. I'm currently in another state, but an easy drive away. This is certainly something to do in person, right? I can't just email them? | Have insecurity issues with parents due to my upbringing. Need to tell them I want to get married, but do not know how to approach the conversation. |
t3_4pciwi | relationships | [19F] I'd like to make some new friends. But where do I look? | I've been in my current city for about two years; I'll be 20 next month. I have a small circle of close friends, most of them coworkers. I'm very happy with this group of people, but of course work schedules are tough to work around and I usually don't have anyone to hang out with during my free time.
However, I've found it difficult to make friends outside of work, for several reasons:
1) I'm a full-time student during the school year and I often make new friends in classes. However, once we stop having a class together, we lose touch or they become too busy to talk. Therefore, it's hard to make friends during the summer at all or maintain friendships during the year. I go to a competitive private university, so friendships are often placed on the backburner in favor of career goals (although my entire career centers around meeting and helping people, so I suppose I thrive off socialization).
2) I've tried a few apps like MeetMe to expand my radius, but I've mostly been met with serious sexual harassment on any of those apps. I've downloaded them multiple times, only to delete them in frustration after the 100th dick pic. This would be fine if I were single, but I'm seeing someone right now.
3) I'm somewhat introverted and struggle with mental illness, so I prefer to stay in. This also makes it hard to meet new people (although I guess it's a bit self-sabotaging).
Any suggestions? Making friends as an adult is hard. | I want to meet new people! But I struggle to for a number of reasons. What helps me get out there? |
t3_2j45xu | tifu | TIFU: Attempting Pool Sex | Not today, but you all know the drill.
My, then girlfriend and now wife, and I used to sneak away to her parents' pool a few nights a week to fool around late at night. I always have pockets in my swim trunks, but this new pair she bought me didn't. "No problem" my 22 year old self thinks, "I'll just stow the condom down my trunks (they have liner)".
Proceed to swimming around, enjoying ourselves, then her dad walks out to look at something along the pool deck.
"What the hell is that?" He asks while pointing. I look and low and behold my packaged condom is floating on the water's surface. We both freeze and make up a lame excuse that he obviously doesn't buy. | gf and I want sex in pool, packaged condom floats out of shorts, her dad comes out the house and sees it. |
t3_1l1prp | dating_advice | Double standards? [M20] F[19] | My girlfriend and I recently got back together after a 4 month break up. Before the break up, we had been together for many years. We both hooked up with different people while we were apart, and I have agreed to no longer talk to the people that I had been talking to while we were apart.
Although she had also agreed to not talk to the people she had hooked up with, she now wants to reconcile differences with one of the guys she slept with. I have always held a grudge against this person, and on occasion we will see him at a party.
She feels that it's too awkward to avoid him, although I see no issue with this and want her to remain completely out of contact with him.
I may have not completely let go of what has happened with this guy in the past, but I know that she would absolutely refuse to let me have any interaction with any of the people that I was talking to while we apart, though she is mad that I don't want her to talk to this guy.
Is she holding me to a standard that she does not want to be held accountable to? And how can I explain this to her if she is without coming off as a jackass? | girlfriend wants to talk to guy she hooked up with while we were apart, who i hold a grudge against. she would not want me to talk to a girl I hooked up with while we were apart. What do I do? |
t3_1hjfm4 | AskReddit | Reddit, I caught my 60 year old co-worker printing pornographic literature at work.... | ...I came back to the office after an end of the day meeting to find the printer out of paper. Upon putting paper in the printer, the front page of THIS comes out ( I quickly asked the only other officemates around if it was theirs, no questions asked. By that time, a whole lot of it had printed. Upon checking her desktop (which wasn't passlocked), I saw the PDF right there clearly labelled on the desktop.
She's no where close to the nicest person in the office, nor the most valuable. Its highly inappropriate, only the latest in a string of incidents she's had with other workers on the floor.
So redditors, what do I do? Complain (with the evidence) to my boss, confront her about it personally, or just go straight to HR with this? | My 60yo coworker prints were-wolf porn and left it in the printer queue. Should I turn her into HR? |
t3_1g8ose | relationships | Do I[19F] have a right to be jealous about my boyfriend's [21M] past? | To start off my boyfriend and I have been dating for little over half a year. We met in college, we knew we liked each other, and started talking and hanging out a lot for a little over 3 months before that, until we started actually dating.
Now I was a freshman in college, he was a couple grades above me, and I didn't really have a substantial past with guys before him, I never slept with anyone else or really even came close to that. I wanted to wait until I found someone I really cared about first. Now that we are dating, we couldn't be happier, more in love, and we have great communication. It seems like our relationship keeps getting better, and we really have been great for each other. He tells me that ever since he met me everything has changed, that he's a better person and that there's no one that has ever made him feel this strongly about someone, and I have to agree that he is the same way for me.
The only thing that slightly gets me still is the fact that he used to hook up with a certain few girls, and they keep popping up. I will see them at parties, or they will come in conversations and jokes are made by his friends, etc, and I don't know, I just get slightly angry when I have to think about them and hear about them all of the time. I feel slightly jealous, and I think it's because he means a lot to me. A couple of them have even said bad things to me now that I'm dating him. I know it is in the past, but I can't seem to fully let it go? I mean some of them have to do with me, some of them he did hook up with before we were dating but when we were building our relationship (when we liked each other and hung out), and didn't mention them on purpose to me back then. It in no way has effected our relationship itself, but I still have thoughts and feelings about his past that has to do with me. | Can't seem to fully get past who my boyfriend used to hook up with, including the ones that were hooked up while we were talking in the beginning. I see them sometimes and still hear about them. What should I do? |
t3_43wk1q | relationship_advice | I've [F29] recently started seeing someone new [M30], and I don't know how to reconcile our differing feelings on privacy | Around Christmas, I got out of a long relationship. I've been seeing someone new, and it makes me uncomfortable when he posts on Facebook about us being out somewhere.
Part of this is because we have a lot of friends in common with my ex, and I don't want to be insensitive. Part of it is because I don't like my personal life to be on display.
We've communicated about this, but it's slightly more complicated because he has some issues with having been kept a secret before and doesn't want that to happen here.
How do I balance this desire of mine to be private while also respecting his feelings? I can respect that we both have valid feelings, but how can they be reconciled when they're opposing? | Uncomfortable with new guy's openness online concerning our relationship because I'm very private. His openness stems from previous relationship problems. |
t3_2q0otv | relationships | Me [29F] with my friends - the catch 22 of hiding your feelings and being "closed off", and being open and being "negative". | Something that's really been bothering me lately is my friendships. I have several friends that I've been close to over the years, and I've had lots of acquaintances. In my close friendships, I've been criticized for not being open with my feelings, and being closed off (I can easily put on a "happy face" regardless of how I really feel, but I unfortunately end up playing counselor to a lot of people because of this). Then, when life issues happened (job loss, sick family member), I decided I needed some support from these friends, and filled them in, and told them that I was going through a rough/dark time. When this happened, I was accused of being negative, crazy, and in need of drugs to stop being negative - this was super hurtful, as I felt like I was put in a bind. (Why aren't you telling us about your life? Why are you telling us so much about your life?)
I've distanced myself significantly from the people who told me this (this happened a few years ago). Since then, I got through my rough patches, and am living a positive life. I'm extremely weary of people now, and I can't really say that I have any significantly close friendships, but overall I'm pretty content in my personal and professional life. After having a run in recently with a few of them (we were good friends for several years), they were like "wow, you seem so happy!" and I said "well, I am." I wanted to throw a drink in their faces. So it's only acceptable to talk to me if I "seem happy" ? Nice.
I don't really have a question per se, I'm just irritated when stuff like this happens. I stayed closed off for a reason, and when I let my guard down, I was told I was crazy and negative. Pretty lame. Just venting and not really understanding people sometimes. | Taking off your happy face with "close friends" backfired, and now I don't trust anyone to become good friends with again. |
t3_3elvhg | relationships | My LDR boyfriend (24M) thinks saying he would "fuck the shit out of me" is a compliment & I (22F) don't. Minor argument and now I'm feeling upset. | Hi relationships, using a throwaway for this.
Basically, my bf and I were skyping & he was commenting on how good I looked today, etc. and followed up with if he were here with me right now, he would fuck the shit out of me. I just feel so grimy and gross hearing that phrase applied to me. I told him that it didn't make me feel good when he talked to me like that & how it made me feel gross, and he replied that he isn't some guy on the street, but my boyfriend. Well, sure, but that doesn't really change anything for me. It's still something that makes me feel uncomfortable. He was upset with this and basically sighed heavily and said "fine, I'll never say that to you again." Then a few minutes later, while he was still annoyed, he started muttering "God forbid I want to have sex with my girlfriend." I told him that having sex isn't the issue, it's just the phrase that he used. I told him that if he wants to compliment me, to just leave it at "You look beautiful today", and cut out the "fuck the shit out of you" part.
I just don't think the conversation was handled very well by both of us, and we're not skyping anymore because he left to watch TV (while still in the same room), so I hung up the call. I just feel really sad/distressed about this situation. I know this is such a non-issue issue, but it's just making me feel really down. I don't really know what I'm looking for, I just want some advice or personal experiences from someone else. Thank you. | bf said something to me that I found hurtful, he was annoyed at me for feeling hurt by the phrase but begrudgingly promised to never say it again. Need better communication tips. |
t3_30jrze | relationships | Me [19F] with my boyfriend [19M] of 1.5 years, he is addicted to marijuana HELP | Hi Reddit. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 1 and a half years, and I've known since the beginning that he smokes (since the age of 14). I just want to clarify that I have nothing against pot at all, I smoke occasionally as well, but because my environment isn't people that smoke regularly; his friends however, smoke very regularly.
I love him very much, but as I have learned (in school, so I know it may be biased), it apparently has a correlation with schizophrenia.. and I'm scared to death for him because he also meets other criteria like schizophrenia in the family, young use of weed, childhood trauma, stress, etc.
Many times he said he would stop and that he took this seriously, but with no effect. For a few months already, we agreed that he would smoke for a maximum of twice a month, and I also asked him to tell me when he smoked so we could keep track together. My concern is not so much about the schizophrenia (conflicting info everywhere), but the fact that he can't do it, he can't contain himself to twice a month even though we agreed it was a reasonable amount. He is dependent to it and it angers me because sometimes he doesn't tell me because he's afraid of disappointing me and when he does I get kind of pissed because I don't know what to do, I just feel like I'm the only one that finds it important (the fact that he is dependent to it and can't keep his word to smoking twice a month).
In March, he has already smoked 4 times (he just texted me that he smoked with a friend). I'm going to see him later and we'll talk about it, but I seriously don't know what to tell him anymore. I don't know if I should keep trying to help him and how to react if he smokes more than he's supposed to. | SO is addicted to marijuana and I have tried to help him stop but he can't, I don't know what to do |
t3_3igkcq | relationships | I [35 M] have suffered emotional neglect from my Mother [55 F]I am considering having a discussion with her about it. Should I? | Hello fellow Redditors,
As the title says, I have had a bit of neglect from my mother. Things are not all bad, and I do know that she loves me very much, but there are so many things that were wrong with the way I was raised.
Mostly the thing that I can pinpoint is her abuse of alcohol and therefore a feeling that she could not be bothered with me.
She is not a bad mother and I am not even sure that she is aware of the impact that she had on me. She got married, when I was five, to a man that could not accept me as his "son". This caused a lot of problems between him and I, and I think that her own fear of this man allowed her to slip further into alcoholism therefore forgetting about things like bedtime stories, tucking me in, and just overall comforting when my step-dad was a dick.
I am going to her house over labor day weekend, and while I am not really excited to have a discussion about all the things that I missed out on, I feel that it is necessary for me to heal.
These events have worked their way into my adult life and I find it very hard to handle my own emotions. It has affected my marriage and many friendships over the years and I am looking forward to choosing a new path. One that allows me to own my emotions and feelings. Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you. | My mom allowed my step dad to be mentally and emotionally abusive towards me. Should I tell her how her actions have affected my adult life? |
t3_1hckza | tifu | TIFU by stealing someone's bag. | So it was my friends birthday and we went drinking last night. It started out nice enough at a cocktail bar, we had some delicious concoctions, then moved to a cheaper bar for more drinks and that is where it got messy. I don't remember everything but as we were getting our things to leave my house mate hands me my bag and this black satchel bag and said I think this is Steph's (birthday girl). I said okay and took it with me. Fast forward to 10am and a phone rings, I fumble for the source of that torturous noise and don't get the phone in time. I couldn't call them back as the phone was locked so I left it and decided to hand it in to the police station down the road from the pub we went to. Also left a message for the pub on their FB page that a bag was mistakenly taken last night and has been handed in to the cop shop. I wanted to hand it in anonymously but the policewoman took my details. That's the worst part I think.
I feel pretty bad, I've never stolen anything before and the poor person is probably cancelling their cards and phone. I'm a terrible person and deserve this hangover. I just hope the person doesn't charge me by saying I stole it or that I took anything, which I did not. | Took a strangers bag from a pub by mistake in all my righteous drunken glory and handed it in to the police station who now have my details. |
t3_2lb5cj | legaladvice | Possible medical malpractice against chiropractor in Arizona. | Hello, I am inquiring for my sister. I want to know if this could be a medical malpractice situation and if so how to prepare for a visit with a lawyers.
Basically my sister(age 29) was suffering from a migraine and neck pain for a week. She decided to visit a chiropractor. The chiropractor did an adjustment along with neck manipulation. A few days later my sister had a stroke. The MRIs showed a dissection(a tear) in one of the arteries in her neck. It also showed she had small veins on the other side of her neck(genetically smaller). She doesn't have a history of blood clots but is/was a smoker and used birth control( both of which I know can cause clots)
Her Dr's at the ER, the Neuro ICU and regular attending physicians all stated they believe that the chiropractor either caused the tear or loosened a blood clot which caused the stroke. She was in the ICU for a few days, I believe a total of 5 days in the hospital. She lost the vision in one eye temporally, its almost fully back but trouble with peripheral vision. She has to wear a neck brace for 3 months and has lifting restrictions. She currently works a retail job but they won't schedule her because she cannot lift bags for carry outs for customers( they say it is a strict requirement). So she has been off work since the beginning of October. Her work doesn't have short term disability or sick days.
What I am wondering is, is this a medical malpractice suit?
What steps do we take to pursue it if it is?
Is there something we can do about her employer refusing to accommodate her for medical condition?
Is it legal for them to not schedule her or accommodate her temporarily for her condition?
Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you in advance for reading and/or replying. | Sister had a stroke, Drs say it was caused by chiropractor, her employer is not accommodating her, what to do next? |
t3_2dj7b4 | relationships | I [21M] keep thinking my girlfriend [25F] of 4 months is cheating on me for no reason | I have met my current girlfriend while doing a study abroad in Indonesia. We hooked up the first night we met as a no strings attached thing. She was only visiting Indonesia for 3 weeks of which I have only seen her 4 days.
We had contact the entire time between her going back to the Netherlands and me going back to the Netherlands one month later. (We are both Dutch) After about a month of friends with benefits and casual dates we both started to get feelings for each other and fell in love.
We got a relationship not long after that and everything has been good. However, because I am an International Business student, I am doing an internship in the UK for 5 months where I've started a few weeks ago.
My girlfriend is currently on a holiday and because I don't know any people here and basically haven't got much to do besides my internship, I just keep worrying about my girlfriend cheating on me. I am sure she would never cheat on me but being a textbook overthinker, I just cant shake the thought of her cheating.
I feel bad because of it because there haven't been any signs of this what so ever and everything is good between us but it's just driving me crazy. is there anything I can do to shake this thought because it makes no sense to worry about it at all? | Away for an internship abroad, keep worrying about girlfriend cheating for no reason at all because I know I can trust her, help me shake this feeling, please. |
t3_49j84o | relationships | Should I [21 M] be honest with my [21 F] girlfriend about my manipulative coworker? | I am an active Reddit user who hasn't posted here, but I am desperate for help.
I am in a relationship with a partner I love very much. It's been two years. We've had our ups and downs, but have always been honest with each other. I have always been honest.
But during one of our "downs," a coworker of mine started flirting with me. And I flirted back. We texted, we met, and occasionally "sexted," although no pictures were ever sent or received. She would send me a sexual message, and I would send back, in FEAR that if I didn't comply, she would tell my girlfriend about the flirting.
I know, it doesn't sound logical, but I struggle with some mental health issues.
Anyways, the coworker wanted to make it physical, but I refused every time. I've NEVER touched this girl, not even as much as a hug. I ended it (although she kept manipulating me) and it created a web of lies. All of this, obviously, has been hidden from my loving girlfriend.
Now, of course, I have never been more in love with my girlfriend. We are in one of our biggest "ups," but my mind has deteriorated. i am overwhelmed with extreme guilt. Nauseating guilt. It has ruined several days for me. Even though I try to tell myself that I didn't cheat and that nothing I did was too bad, besides the lying.
Is this a relationship problem or a mental health problem? Should I tell my girlfriend about this? (She also struggles mentally and I don't want it to ruin her life with obsessive thoughts like it has done to me.)
Please give me direction. I'm afraid that if I tell her, it will make her life more difficult over something that might not even need to be said. What would you do? | I flirted with a coworker for one week, and because of my initial mistake, I have been lying ever since to get out of it. Should I tell my girlfriend? No physical contact made. |
t3_1zzihn | relationships | am I just immature? [20F] | Hi r/relationships, I'm hoping y'all can help me with this.
I've been talking to this great guy for a few months. I've never met someone I'm so compatible with - we really get along and have similar interests/ideals.
The thing is, I'm about to transfer colleges back home (I go to an our-of-state college atm) and I don't want to commit to this person because I'm scared I'll meet someone better at my new college, or wherever. I feel awful that I have this attitude, but I don't want to hurt him.
On another note, I don't particularly like the idea of relationships - at least for now. I've just been hurt a lot in the past and I feel I won't have the energy to put into another person for a while. I just want to have fun without worrying about committing to someone. I get this "trapped" feeling when I think of relationships (I feel like this happened because of a particularly clingy ex-boyfriend). | I don't want to commit to this great guy because I'm scared I'll meet someone better as well as for other reasons. Am I just being young and immature...? |
t3_1g7q57 | relationship_advice | [21/M] My girlfriend [19/f] always puts me down to her friend | Every time me and my girlfriend have a tiny argument she runs to her friend on Facebook and bitches about me, she will make up loads of small lies to make me look like a completely horrible person which I'm not and she constantly does this with every little bicker we have. She said she will stop doing it after we had a serious talk but she is still doing this. I have to meet up with her friend sometimes when we all go out and it's so awkward, I don't know what else there is left to do. The last thing she told her friend was that she is getting really annoyed at me because I always talk about going to uni(she is already there) she then told her friend that I would either not go or I would drop out, It makes my heart sink hearing her say stuff like this when I am trying to get somewhere with my life.
We have been together for over two years now so would be a shame to end the relationship over something which seems so small to her but is a huge deal to me but I don't know what else I can do. Any suggestions please?
Her lies are petty in a sense but they really hurt me that her best friend thinks bad of me because of the lies her tell her. She tells her literally everything about our relationship but adds in little lies when she is annoyed with me she is like a third member, I've said to her if she has an issue to talk it out with me not go to her friend and make me look like stupid by adding her lies to it to make it completely unbiased.
I found this out by her leaving her facebook chat open about a week after our second chat about how much this hurts me I saw she had been doing the same before she quickly closed it. | My girlfriend tells her friend everything about us, she knows more about our relationship then I do, whilst putting me down with lies |
t3_1eifza | dating_advice | Where can I [26\M] find a nerd/introverted/geeky girl? | My romantic life is a bit disappointing to me, extremely long story short: I have a tendency to go after the wrong kind of girl. It's the same story over and over again. I'm the male equivalent of a girl who dates a douche-bags.
The girl I typically go for is usually extremely socially active, so that it becomes a major accomplishment if she devotes time to me. They often have issues in some way, that they self-medicate with excessive partying and male attention.
Well, as I'm getting older, THIS too is getting old. Now I'm three years single, because the girl I go after is hard to keep, so you can have a few dates but it never progress in to a relationship. And whatever motivated this before, "The thrill of the hunt" or whatever, is not satisfying anymore.
So now I want to move away from this, and find a girl who is more like me already. Not some wild animal I want to tame to become like me down the line. Problem is that I have no idea how to go about this.
Like, how do you meet a girl who prefers to stay in and read a fantasy novel instead of doing body shots of tequila in a bar? I think one major reason I have gone after "bad girls" is because they are available, I see them, I hear them, they don't take commitment so serious so they can fool around without it ever meaning anything to them.
The one thing I can think of is to go to some comic book store, but I feel uneasy about trying to pick someone up "in the daylight" (I have never done that before, and I don't know if my attempts will be appreciated).
Basically, I want do do a full 180 since what I have been doing so far is not working out for me. But I don't know how, so what advice can you give me to reach my desired outcome? | I want to stop dating party girls and date a girl who is more like me already, but I don't know where to meet and how to "attract" that kind of girl |
t3_1i5iil | dogs | Guarding? My dog bit my husband. I need help!! ( x-post form /r/dogtraining) | We have let our dog sleep in our bed since we got him last year ago. My husband works overnights, so on the weekends I'm still in bed when he gets home. When he comes into the bedroom on these days usually our dog gets nervous and barks at him for a few moments. It's almost like our dog goes into such a state that he doesn't even recognize my husband. Usually I grab the dog and have him lay still for a few minutes and then he calms down. Today, I was leaving the bedroom and my husband was right outside the door. Our dog actually jumped up and bit his hand. Usually my husband and our dog have a wonderful relationship.
Other information:
- When we go on walks our dogs lunges at others. (only when I am holding the leash).
- Dog barks at people that enter the house (only when I am home).
Obviously, I am doing something wrong here. I need help to figure out how to change my behavior so the dog stops these reactions. Does he think he is guarding me?
I think we are going to make him sleep in his crate from now on. My husband doesn't even want him in the bedroom.
Any suggestions? I am horrified. I can't believe he bit him! | Our dog is aggressive when husband walks into bedroom in the morning. I think our dog is trying to guard me. How do I stop this behavior? |
t3_er0zw | AskReddit | Should I take a chance and move out of California? | First ever askreddit ill make it a semi good one.
So not too long ago a friend of mine came back to california to visit family. She moved to a slightly more north state about two years ago. She expressed interest in seeing me again asap. We went out had a few drinks and shot the shit like old times. It was great I had my friend again for a little bit.
She then asks me if I could come up to visit her sometime after the new year. I told her sure. We then got talking about how much we both hate california. How much better her state is and how much it changed her for the better. She then tells me, 'Well when you come up if you want to stay ill kee you till you find your own place'.
I've heard this many times fromm other friends who will just say it and not mean it but I know her. She means she wants me to move up with her. I have about 95% of friends and family in california with a small portion in the state she's in. My delema is do I really want to go and leave them behind. Another factor is she is an old flame. We have had history and I don't know if she would want to start something up again. Then if that's the case I feel like I am moving for her. This is just a fraction of why I would want to go. Mostly I just want to get out of my state and start a new life. | I want to move out of california but friends and family would be missed. Also friend I would be moving with might have romantic interests. |
t3_2ka3qc | relationships | Me [26F] dating [29M] 3 months and not ready for relationship | First I want to say I know its not a game but I really want to come out on top because I want to know its an option if I ever decide I want to be in a relationship.
I met him online and we see each other 2-3 times a week. we would have dinner/bars/watch movies/sex and cuddle a lot. Maybe this is nothing, but he would kiss me on the forehead and always asks me to be closer to him. He got drunk one night and wanted me to pick him up, which I did. He got a fever and I was also there taking care of him. I think I might have made myself too available too early on.
even though I am also not ready for a relationship I want to know it's an option in the future. I told him a few days ago that i didn't feel "valued." He took it the wrong way and thought I wanted something more and was quick to say that he didn't want a relationship because he's an entrepreneur, busy with work and went on to say he'd be a horrible bf. I call it bs and i know he's just not ready for a relationship with me. I told him I had to think about it because feelings are involved.
A day later I told him that i didn't mean I wanted to be exclusive. I explained instances where I thought he could put more effort. I went on to say that I knew he wasn't good boyfriend material and that it's convenient for me atm. we got together after that convo took place and he definitely tried more. even kind of held my hand and makes more of an effort to text but I've become more cold. I'm not the kind of girl to wait around for a guy.
Is it because he's afraid to lose me? Do I have the upper hand now? I am also thinking about backing off even more because it's kind of a stressful situation analyzing everything. Advice would be appreciated if anyone has been in the same situation. Im also confused to what I want but I like him a lot and enjoy being around him. I guess in a way I'm crazy and I want him to want me... Yet I'm not sure I'm ready for that. | ! He's not ready for relationship and I'm indifferent. I want to know if it's possible that he'd want a relationship in the future. If less contact will make him want me more. |
t3_4x2rkz | relationships | I [16F] am feeling excluded and segregated by my coworkers | My first job, it's great, really. I'm working with 19 other girls and 1 boy, and we usually have around 4 people on per shift, which is alright. Everyone who works there is in the 15-20 range, which creates an environment similar to high school.
The place that I work at is located in the city, where all of the workers except for me and maybe a few others are from. I am from a bigger town just on the outside of the city. That being said, there is the obvious difference of the gossip; they always joke about other people that go to their schools, and they always have all of the drama up to date. I know a majority of the city kids because I hang out with quite a bit of them, but it still makes me out of the loop.
It also seems like a personality thing. Take a guess what its like working with a bunch of teenagers. They're catty, mean, and all they care about is outdoing eachother. They always have their phones out during work, seeing how many "creepy boys lol" they can get to text them. I find myself at the opposite end of the scale. I'm gentle, I'd say I'm kind, I'm in a serious relationship and have been for a while, and I'm the biggest extrovert, so usually I can make friends very easily, which is why I'm concerned that its not happening now.
I always go out of my way to be nice to them, I've baked cookies, taken so many shifts, and helped out more than needed. But they all just make fun of me because I apologize all the time and I try to be nice.
Is there any way to be more relatable to them? I'm not going to change myself to be more like them, I'm not too fond of their lifestyle. Do you guys have any methods to keep you from being pushed around at work? | Coworkers and I are completely different, they push me around and berate me, I need ways to cope and overcome it! |
t3_4ix0h3 | legaladvice | Parents signed guarantor before I signed lease | Hey, so I go to college in Austin, TX. I was planning on living in a fraternity house for my next year of school. The fraternity house is currently being built and not going to be finished till about half way though a prospective lease. So what they had us do was apply for a lease with the fraternity then pay app fee 1st. mo rent and a deposit to them under the knowledge that we wouldnt be denied for a lease. They also had our parents sign a guarantor form. Since the house wasnt going to be ready the fraternity decided to get a lease with a close by apartment complex. This lease was going to be between the fraternity and the appartment for 5 months, and then the fraternity would give us a lease between us and them. What I am trying to get at is I have changed my mind about wanting to live there and want to get out of it. I have not signed a lease with the fraternity but my parents have signed a guarantor form. Are my parents still responsible for the lease even though they havent given us one?
Thanks. | parents signed guarantor form but I haven't signed lease should I have an issue getting out of living there and getting my money back. |
t3_1qbzpl | relationship_advice | I [23M] found out something mildly disheartening about my [20F] girlfriend but unintentional yet unethical means. What should I do? | It's not immediately concerning, though the transparency she's had with some other people isn't the same way she is towards me.
What happened was I opened my computer and her facebook was up. I know it's so wrong and such violation in so many ways to dig around private matters, but not expecting to find anything I looked at her messages (and am still kicking myself for it).
There was a guy she took a course over the summer with, and after some everyday acquaintance they developed a classroom friendship, and it was pretty obvious he was into her.
I wasn't too alarmed, or concerned for that matter, and she handled it really well by politely making it known she was in a relationship, avoiding one-on-one situations outside of class, etc.
But after [wrongfully] seeing their facebook message, I've learned that they've become quite chummy, and when he expressed his infatuation with her (which she told me about) I learned that she, though again handling it well and not pursuing anything, developed feelings for him along the way.
I'm not sure how to go about talking about it with her | I saw my girlfriend's facebook messages (I know...) and found out she's had feelings for another guy since we've been together. |
t3_1oa7js | relationships | So i went to see my girlfriend [18 F] to talk things out, im [17 m] | So after finding out she cheated on me i cut all contact with her, then one week before i went to England she messaged me saying how much she misses me and wants to see me. Long story short, yesterday i landed in England i went to see her and i said i couldnt spend the weekend with her because of what happend.
She was such a mess saying how much she needed this weekend because she has no one to talk to at uni and how lonely she is. She was honestly in such a bad way and despite everything i feel so bad for leaving her when she needed me so much.
Did i do the right thing? We had an amazing relationship before all this, about 7 months, and i was so upset by everything that happend yesterday. | Cheating ex-girlfriend wanted to spend the weekend with me, was in a very bad state emotionally and i left her saying i couldnt be with her after what she did. Did i do the right thing? |
t3_35obhp | relationships | 24 [m] 4 Months after a breakup . Feeling much better. I have Never been single since high school and. I dont want to rush a relationship. But I'm so lonely! | Like the title says I was broken up with after two years in a relationship. Its was rough but I'm 1000x happier now than even a month ago.
Since high school I have always rushed to get into the next relationship as fast as possible.
Living alone has proven to be difficult. I find myself befriending females and moving way to fast. Ill even convince myself this girl is perfect for me when she's clearly not. I notice that if I can tell a girls not interested, then I pretty much stop talking to them.
I can't just go fishing or see a movie by myself or a guy friend. My first thought is "what girl can I invite"
I really want to stop this. I want to be comfortable being alone and happy with me and not having my life defined by a relationship.
Has anyone else gone through this, behaved similarly or have any thoughts, comments, anything. | I rush into relationships and can't have fun unless I'm trying to impress a girl. How do I stop this and just be happy. |
t3_2plzw0 | relationships | Seeking advice for complicated phone bill situation between ex (25f) and myself (24M) | I'll start by saying my ex and I are on neutral terms. We had a break up that I admittedly didn't take well, but we reconciled and managed to get back to somewhat respectable terms with each other.
**Backstory:** I dated this girl for about 4 months and in that time her ex stopped paying for his line on her account. She has a kid and other financial responsibilities and could not afford the cancellation fee of this line or to continue paying it herself. So I (against my better judgement) volunteered to take over the line until her contract was up (a year and a half from then).
**The Issue:** I recently noticed what we owe is about $100 more than what it should be. I texted her for the first time since July asking what happened and it seems she's fallen on hard times and has only been paying what she can. I'm not exactly in the best position financially either so I understand completely, but I also don't want to pay my portion of the bill one month only to to find myself without service and down the 80 bucks I spent for the month.
There was never an issue with the bill until now (and it's worth noting that we've been broken up since November 2013). There's no romantic motivation, I only continue to pay my half as a decent human being who needs a cell phone. However I do feel bad that this is happening so close to Christmas, and only 3 months away from the end of her 2 year contract. I wouldn't wish debt collection on anyone, but I'm not sure that only paying my half will prevent that for her. | Financially challenged ex coming up short on her end of the phone bill. Should I cut and run or tough it out for her sake? |
t3_4txqbm | relationships | My [26F] friend [27M] told me it was strange that I haven't spoken to my ex-husband in four years and now I'm insecure about it. | I got married when I was eighteen, was married for four years and have now been divorced for four years. It was the kind of marriage where I can't even tell you what the problem was because there were so many problems.
I was an active alcoholic with untreated bipolar disorder, he was a rager who often degraded me, criticized, and controlled me. He had hit me on several occasions and I had him arrested but our marriage continued after that. We went to therapy, I became medicated, and things seemed to be getting better, but he suddenly decided he wanted a divorce. I was devastated and angry at the time but in retrospect it was the best thing that ever happened to me. Since the divorce I have gotten sober and pursued so many goals in life. I am much, much happier.
Because of all the bitterness that happened at the end we just stopped talking at some point. We never decided to go NC or anything, I think we just ran out of things to say. I think about a year later I thought about contacting him but I didn't see the point in it. I honestly had no interest in him or what he was doing with his life. Over the last few years I have occasionally Googled him but found nothing, he has zero social media, he never liked any of that.
So present day, I was having a conversation with my friend and he told me it was "totally bizarre" that I no longer speak to someone I was married to. I had never really thought of it that way but now I am mulling it over and feel kind of insecure about it. Since the divorce I have had two other serious relationships and don't talk to either of them, as well. I really just don't see the point of it. When I am that involved with someone there are obviously some kind of hard feelings when it ends and it just upsets me to think about them or the relationship, hence I keep my distance and like it that way. My friend said this is because I haven't properly moved on, which I don't necessarily agree with. | I will never talk to my ex-husband again. Is this typical? Is it normal to just go NC forever and not really crave ever having contact with exes? |
t3_3waqwc | legaladvice | Is what my employer doing to employees illegal? | I work in Rochester, NY. I was hired on as hourly rate laborer. The company has since started to hire people and all of which are salary.
I recently spoke with a manager about pay and why I was still making a training pay and training others who are on salary to do their jobs. His response was nothing helpful besides the fact that he said their plan is to move everyone over to a 6 day work week and be on salary. I would be in no better position, I would still just be installing the product but would be getting salary wages.
I looked up the labor laws in NY (I just moved from a different state) and it states to be on salary I need to basically be in charge of 2 full time employees, able to promote, hire, fire. And be a manager of some sorts in the company. To which I would have 0 of those 3 items. I would love getting more money but working a 6 day week every week is not worth the couple dollars raise.
I know a few other workers who are not happy with this method. If what is happening legal in the state and what could I do about it?
Thanks in advance! | Company is hiring a full staff of salary paid employees, who have to work a 6 day week with 0 manager duties. |
t3_2yr1sr | askwomenadvice | Dealing with a "SO" and health issue. m18 | This girl in question is not my girlfriend, but we are very good to each other as we have similar personalities and life,etc. Possible relationship, I dont know for sure. I recently learned that one of the people in her family is having a decent health issue which I will keep private. Its not necessarily life threatening,but I feel so bad for the person as she is really sweet and nice even though I met the person in her family only a couple of times. I asked if she was okay and my "SO" said she was fine. I then heard a bit more news which made me slightly more worried. I asked again and she responded saying that she is fine. I took it as okay, but knew something was not as it seems. So I responded with saying im willing to help this person in your family if im around and you want me to help you, and I would always be here for you and family plus help no matter what. Is there anything I could do to make my female person feel better or help more so her emotions are happy? I know women and men are the same on most things , but here feel it is different. | really wanting to help a female I know really well and be supportive as a guy/gentleman, but do want to come off as too rude or like I dont help |
t3_2kr1za | personalfinance | Want to transfer balance to new credit card. Curious about credit score information and credit report updates. | Long time lurker, first time poster! I'm hoping to apply for a new credit card and have some questions about applying and credit scores. I currently have a terrible credit card(25.99%) that I'd like to transfer the balance from. I've been looking at much nicer cards, such as the Discover It (3% balance transfer, 0% APR for 14 months), but don't want to waste my time applying and lower my credit score with an inquiry if I'm likely to be rejected.
I'm curious how well quizzes such as estimate credit score? It says I'm in the 620-670 range. I have 1 credit card at the 56% utilization (I know it's high!) that I've had open for 3 years now and have always made payments on time. I also have 5 years of student loans with no payments made, but they're listed as "paying as agreed" as they are deferred for graduate school. I haven't had any hard inquiries into my credit for 12 months. Does the estimated credit score seem reasonable? For those who know your credit score, does this quiz put you in the right range?
My other question is how soon do credit reports update? I made a payment on my credit card two weeks ago but when I pulled my credit report last night, it only included my payment in September. I want to get another payment listed on my credit card on my report to lower my utilization rate before applying, but don't know how long I need to wait.
Lastly, I was checking credit card websites last night and saw the preapproved/personalized/matched credit offers they would give after you gave your SSN and name. I know these don't guarantee approval, but are they generally a good indication that you qualify for the card? I'm curious as Discover suggested the Discover It to me after getting my info.
I'd appreciate any info! | – Is myfico.com a good estimate of credit score? How often do credit reports update? Do personalized/pre-approved credit card offers mean anything? |
t3_rfxsa | loseit | Will it ever be enough? | I started this, we'll call it journey, in the middle of January of this year. It wasn't a new years resolution or anything, my boyfriend decided that he wanted to lose some weight and I thought, what the heck so will I. I was always tired, had no energy, felt cranky all the time, had no self esteem (regarding my appearance) and was at 140lbs. I'm 5'3" and started college at 118lbs. Move forward about 10 weeks to now, I'm down 10lbs, love working out, have more energy and am gaining my confidence back. I'm excited about my last 10lbs but when I look in the mirror I start to think, will it be enough? I'm not looking to be a swimsuit model, but don't want to be wondering if people are thinking I'm chunky at the beach. To people who have lost the weight- Was it all you hoped for when you got there? Did you look like you imagined you would? Does any one else feel this way?
I wish I have some progress pics so I could look back and see how much I've changed. I also wish my friends and family took notice. | When you reach your goal weight, was it everything you hoped it would be? Also, ladies, what do you wear when you're between sizes?! NOTHING FITS! |
t3_167qz9 | AskReddit | Should I take a close friend to court? | Here is an incredibly immature and stupid story that ends in property damage and a disrupted friendship.
On NYE my buddy playfully hit me in the balls (hurt a little). Maybe 5 minutes later I got my retaliatory shot in. Apparently I connected with more force than intended as he said he was in a lot of pain and was swollen for about 24hrs. I meant to one up him but didn't mean to cause damage or lasting pain (which I did).
After I hit him he lunged at me, hit me back, stormed out and kicked my car. It dented the door panel and between 2 estimates the cheaper was $800. After several ignored phone calls, I apologized a few days later for hurting him unintentionally and waited a few more days to bring up the car. I asked him to pay, and he said I "should accept the consequences for my actions".
Who is more wrong? Should I take my friend to court over this (I have evidence of his guilt)? Do I deserve a punch in the face or kick in the balls for accidently hurting him, even having apologized , especially since he hit me first?
Even worse I am 27 and he is 30. | Hit friend in the balls and he kicked my car. Take him to court over $800 or I had it coming? |
t3_1dj6un | relationships | My gf [24f] and her close male friends. | Hello everyone. Just decided to use a throwaway for this event.
My gf [24f] and I [25m] have been together for a year, and have been doing wonderfully. We've known each other well for some time, and recently, a topic of our past came up, and we had a discussion about it candidly.
It turns out that every single one of my gf's close male friends (roughly 4 - 5 of them) has had a history with her. These are close male friends as in, they go to lunch together, dinner, movies, they hang out, they text, they chat, they call, etc.
Before you ask, no, I'm not very jealous, we're very open and honest with one another, and it doesn't bother me she has close male friends. What does bother me is that...she doesn't have a single close male friend who she hasn't had a history with. Every single one of them, she's either dated, hooked up with, or has shared a crush with.
Does this allude to a more underlying issue? | gf [24f] has close male friends, every single one of them has had a history with her. She doesn't have one close male friend she hasn't had a history with. |
t3_42ja0w | relationships | I [M18] need help getting back out there after my first serious relationship. | I had my first serious relationship end back in Early December after a few months of back and forth, and I just need advice on putting myself back out there. I'm 18 years old and I go to a local community college and I'm having trouble just finding people I connect with.
My first relationship was a girl I met online that lasted almost a year and after we broke up I went through a bunch of ups and downs. Now I find it difficult to find anyone I can relate to.
My interests are mostly video games, anime, music, and movies. Which is where most of the hard parts factor in. I just can't really find anyone in sort of my regular social functions that likes the things I like. A lot of the people that go to my college are of just different age groups.
Another reoccurring problem is that despite it being months of ups and downs I still find myself thinking of my first love. We had a weird breakup and I remember why it ended and I still stand behind it ending, but the relationship sorta left me shattered and I'm having trouble with just not thinking about her. I've done well for the most part, but I still find myself once or twice every other hour just wondering back to her. Just a quick thought now and then. I have her blocked on everything and we're NC, but it's just a little annoying that she pops in now and then. Any advice?
How do I sort of get myself back out there and find people that share my interests? Also any advice on moving on after my first love? | Having a hard time putting myself back out there after my first serious relationship. My hobbies and interests aren't sort of common and I'm having trouble finding real people to socialize with and date. |
t3_1rbxul | relationships | [Update] Me [26F] with my BF [25M] 7 months, almost cheated on his ex, blames her for snooping | [Original](
I spoke to my boyfriend about my concerns regarding this issue about an hour ago and it sort of just opened up a whole torrent of issues. Towards the end of our "how did our relationship turn into this", I got up enough self-respect to ask that we start using condoms. I'm not on any sort of birth control and while he NEVER ejaculates (he physically can't do it), there are some traces of "precum". I've read that this can contain sperm and I've been growing a little wary of the whole thing.
I asked him if we could use condoms and his response was "oh my god, really? why? ugh, fiiiine." And then he got quiet and later said, "why don't we just go to the sex shop down the street and buy you a chastity belt so you can be in complete control?"
I then told him how that made me feel and his exact response was: "Are you in control of how you feel at all?"
Now I feel like I'm trying to get this to work out even though I secretly don't want to. I can't help it. He's making pancakes for dinner and I'm just sitting here with my wine trying to figure out wtf I'm doing. To make matters worse, he brought me a bouquet of flowers today for the first time. | Boyfriend isn't respectful of my decision to use birth control. I feel like I'm comforting him because if I don't, he would just completely ignore the issue and me. |
t3_2x3iqd | relationship_advice | [21/m] [19/f] How can I make her notice me as potentially more than a friend? | There's a girl a like, shocking I know. We're both students at the same college, working the same part time job. We met when I was already in a relationship, so despite how cool I thought she was I never showed any interest in her beyond being friends. I recently found she had a Tinder, or more specifically saw her listed there, so I know she's open to a relationship and single. I have been spending some time around her (shared hobby activities) outside of what I had been for about two weeks, but I feel like I'm having no luck getting her attention more than her other friends.
Everywhere I look suggests flirting and "breaking the touch barrier." I'm all for that, except I don't really know how, nor do I know what else to do. I have no experience in actively pursuing someone and it is not something that seems to be coming naturally to me. What would be some simple ways to break the touch barrier or flirt without coming off as a creep, because the thought of just touching someone in a conversation feels alien and/or creepy, and flirting always seemed awkward and cheesy at best. | Friends with a girl for about 8 months. Never tried flirting or pursuing romantically. Casual ways to "break the touch barrier" or flirt without being creepy? |
t3_236orn | Dogtraining | Any tips on curbing serious fear/defensive aggression towards strangers? | Hey r/dogtraining I'm dealing with a pretty bad issue with my 2yo 55lb Pit/Lab mix Casey and wondering if any of you has experienced the same problem.
A little background: When I adopted the dog (at about 1yo) I noticed he was playful and rowdy with other dogs, but very cautious and worried around people. He was very shy, but sweet with my girlfriend and I so I decided to adopt him. During the first 6-7mo I had him I tried to socialize him as much as possible by taking him to dog parks, friends BBQs, etc. He was also pretty easy to train commands like sit, down, stay, etc and tends to listen to me well. He was always shy and cautious around strangers, but it was never a problem until recently.
Now whenever we have strangers over to the house it's recently escalated to snapping, growling, barking, and nipping. This seems to happen mostly with movement (stranger walks forward, reaches/leans for something, or moves an object). Most recently, there was an incident where he nipped a guest fairly hard a drew a spot of blood. Needless to say after that, and the new behavior he's exhibiting, I don't allow him around strangers anymore unless he's on a leash and it's scary/embarrassing when we have people over to the house. He's also very unpredictable in that he's totally fine with some people (and generally ok with most strangers outside of his environment). He can go from wagging his tail to snapping within a split second. I think much of this could be related to him not being properly socialized with people during his first year as a puppy, or perhaps he's trying to protect us from strangers he deems as threats?
I'm having a professional trainer come over in a couple weeks to address the situation and in the meantime keeping him separated from strangers for safety concerns. I'm just wondering if any of you have experienced this - I've been reading a lot of stuff online, but everyone seems to have a different technique and this is a pretty complex behavioral issue that's a bit over my head. | Casey is displaying what I think is fear/territorial aggression towards strangers. Problem is escalating to the point where he can't be around new people. Not sure how to proceed with fixing the issue. |
t3_2xri1i | relationships | I [18F] want to movie in with my boyfriend [21M] and his family but my parents are traditionally religious! | So, I want to move in with my boyfriend of about a year soon but I don't know how to bring it up to my parents. I brought it up to my mom a few months ago (I live with her and thought that she should hear about it first) and she bashed on me about how that goes against her religion's morals and beliefs. I didn't bring it up to her ever since. My dad will disown me and never want to see me again, I am so dang sure of it.
Don't get me wrong, my family offers me a comfortable life. They pay for my basic needs and whatever I want, I get. My dad and I have lost a lot of connection ever since he and my mom divorced a few years ago. I feel awkward around him at times and always feel on the edge. He is still very sweet to me. I don't really know if I love him as much as I used to. Same goes for my mom. I hate admitting it, but they've honestly made me feel like I was raising myself and my sister.
*Unnecessary past info* My parents both abused me growing up. I had a very unstable household and constantly suffered through my parents physically and verbally abusing each other and me. I knew that I wanted to leave ever since I was a little girl.
So.. My bf's family is offering me to stay with them. I am currently working at a part-time job. I want to save up and go live with him. I feel like I need to be living on my own. I want to experience it raw. I want to be able to feel free and loved. I hate feeling guilty though and I wish I had an understanding family. They need to realize that you can't plan your kid's life out. It's just not possible. | I want to live with my bf but I know that parent's won't agree.. What should I do/would you do in this situation? |
t3_ds9jm | self | Reddit, my girlfriend cheated on me...and she is supposed to move in with me next week. | Back Story:
We have been dating for a while but its been long distance. She flew 6,000 miles just to see me for a few days last month and (I thought) she was crazy about me. In fact, she quit her job to try and find something closer to me and is supposed to move here next week-- in with me.
However, an hour ago she calls me up upset. She cheated on me....a week ago...after going out drinking with friends. Of course she says she was drunk and sorry. I told I needed to go and I would talk to her Monday.
Im angry right now--pissed. Guilty too somehow because of the distance. Sad all this fucking time was wasted. Ive talked to her 3 times since she fucked some guy and nothing, not one word until she wakes me up from the dead of the night because her conscience finally got to her.
And now, next week she is supposed to be moving here. She already gave up her apartment, bought her ticket, and quit her job. What the fuck should I do? | My girlfriend quit her job to move half-way around the world to be with me...and fucking cheated on me a week before she is supposed to arrive. |
t3_4dg702 | relationships | Me [19 M] with my friend [18 F] who I believe likes me but makes things uncomfortable for me as I don't like her that way. | I have this friend in one of my friend groups who has a bit of a crush on me. It's gotten so bad that I've had to actively avoid her just so she doesn't make things uncomfortable. For example: whenever our group goes out for drinks she will either cling to me OR if I'm talking to a girl at the bar she will come up and act way drunker than she is and be like, "Jake, you're so handsome" and then she won't leave so the girl I'm talking to just walks away.
I don't know how to talk to her about this because she has never outright told me that she likes me and I don't think she ever will. But aside from avoiding/ignoring her which makes me feel bad because she's a good friend and makes me seem like a prick, I don't know what else I could do to get the message across that I'm just not into her that way. let me be clear, I don't encourage her behavior in any way. I make a point to let her know that I fell uncomfortable, but she just laughs it off when I say that I'm uncomfortable. Any suggestions? | My friend likes me but I don't like her. She doesn't get the hint that I don't feel the same way and makes things awkward/uncomfortable for the both of us. What should I do? |
t3_4oxtgq | relationships | Me [23M] broke up with my GF [24F] of 5 years. I'm taking it hard, she wants to be friends in difficult time. | So a few months ago myself and my GF mutually broke up when she was having a really tough time with her career and couldn't devote enough time to me.
Now a couple of months later when I'm still very much in love with her, she got in touch. After texting for a day I ask and she says she just wants to be friends. Her parents are divorcing (who I know very well) and just wants a friend to chat too.
What gets me is only a few weeks after breaking up she started dating an older guy and gets her dream job. I don't know how serious her relationship is, nothing on Facebook in their relationship status or in photos or anything.
I desperately want to get back together but I want to be there to help her through her tough time and feel like an absolute jerk for not doing so.
Also, just to add to the selfishness I worry that if I don't try to be her friend and help her, then they'll be no chance of us ever getting back together.
Does anybody have any advice on what I should do? I feel like I've been cheated. | Not over my ex, she's dating someone else but don't know how serious. She wants to be friends while she goes through a tough time at home. |
t3_24349o | relationships | I [18F] think my boyfriend [19 M] of two year isn't being completely open with me... | So my boyfriend and I went to high school together and then he went off to college. The next year, I joined the same university and it has gone smoothly until now. I will be the first to admit that he isn't the nicest person to me, but I have to admit that compared to other people I've dated, he is the nicest. and don't worry, I am not being physically hurt, just slightly emotionally.
So, maybe in the past four or five months we have been having less and less sex. I guess that is okay, except for the fact that he constantly watches porn. It is stored on his computer's hard drive and he has at least five different porn sites, not including r/gonewild and things here on reddit. He doesn't compliment me anymore on my looks, but comments on how attractive other girls are.
Now that we have that covered, we can look at other things. I am not allowed to touch his phone or his computer. I don't know why he wont let me, and I don't want to ask. I think that he might be hiding something, but I don't want to ask.
The other day, there was something about the app "MeetMe" that popped up on facebook and linked back to his account. Now, I might just be over reacting, but I think it is a legitimate concern.
Do you think that there could be an underlying problem with him lying/not telling the whole truth? I am so hurt by the thought of him emotionally cheating on me that I deny it. Thanks in advance for any help or advice that you have. | I'm not allowed to touch my SO's phone or computer and I think he might be hiding something/someone from me. Advice? |
t3_u82j1 | AskReddit | Reddit, please help me with this. | I know there are a WHOLE LOT of people who say that they are "Forever Alone" and who try to ask people out and stuff. But I really need help with this. I'm almost in high school but don't say things like "You're too young to worry about this" and shit like that. I have never had a boyfriend and I haven't really worried about it, saying that friends are good enough. But guys HATE me. Am I too weird? I'm not stupid, in fact I'm a nerd! I love video games - World of Warcraft and Halo and Minecraft and Portal and Left 4 Dead - and most of the guys in my school do too. I love drawing and listening to music. I love to sing, even though I'm bad at it. Really, what I'm asking for is this; I need a way for guys to notice me. Guys really really hate me. Quick story: I was walking down the hall when I saw I was walking behind my crush. I was going to tap his shoulder and say "Hey I saw that doodle you did in science class! Haha! Nice!" But as soon as I tapped his shoulder and he saw it was me, he made a disgusted face and started wiping off his shoulder. And don't get me wrong, I KNOW I'm not beautiful or perfect but I'm not disgusting. Or even THAT ugly. But he acts like I'm a fucking disease or a parasite or something. I need something to get guys to want to know the real me; the me that would play games with them and listen to them and let them do what they want and not bug them about every single thing they are doing twenty-four/seven. And don't say something like "Wear more make-up" or "act like a cheerleader". I only wear mascara. I don't look good in make-up, trust me. So, please, I need some help. | I just need a way for guys to know the real me without me running around screaming "I like games and rock music!!" |
t3_2ruxvc | relationship_advice | He (20/m) was trying to "cheat" through reddit, I (20/f) don't know what to do | I went to send him a message to his reddit account last night and my eye caught something labeled "nsfw", I wasn't trying to snoop on him. He posted a request for girls to send him nudes/have dirty conversations with him through /r/dirtysnapchat about two months ago (we've been dating for 9+months). When I sent him a screenshot he got very defensive, trying to make me feel bad for "stalking" his profile. I asked him to call me and on the phone he just seemed nonchalant about it. Said he viewed it as another form of porn. He also said that no one even ended up contacting him, I tried to explain it that to me actively looking to send private things with someone feels like cheating to me. I told him even if you go fishing and you don't catch any fish, you still went fishing. I'm just very confused about how I should feel about this. He just wants to brush it off but I was very hurt when I saw that. | Boyfriend posted to /r/dirtysnapchat , didn't receive anything, but I'm still hurt. What should I do? |
t3_494ky0 | relationships | Unhealthy obsession and wasting time waiting for her to talk.. | A brief background: Been with someone for 2 years now, Its been an amazing journey and we both love eachother like crazy. But she lives 20miles away so we don't get to meet pretty often. I'm in university and she's in High school.
Now the real issue: She's someone who knows she has to study and takes no shiz in front of it, gets obsessed when her exams approach and hardly ever has time for me, will reply like once every hour or two to my texts and talk on text for like 20-30minutes before she sleeps, doesn't even skype or call during exams 'cz it wastes her times.'The issue with me is that Im used to her being there all the time which is normally the case and I have a hard time dealing with her absence that I spend my day merely in wait of her reply.
Its like I obsess over her a lot and it gets unhealthy at times and I need to build my own life. I need to study really bad too but all I do all day is wait for that one text from her and the cycle repeats for the next hour or till she texts. Even other than during exams, she goes where she wants to and everything and has a life other than us too but all I ever do is wait for her when she's not there and talk when she comes; because if she's there and I go away to be busy I feel guilty at wasting time we can spend talking.
How do I stop obsessing and build a life of my own too? The only things I do regularly are hit the gym and hangout with my uni friends for about an hour after class, other than that Im only waiting and replying to her all day even during class and its high time I do something abt it and start studying.. | So like, How do I STOP Obsessing and basing my entire day around her and instead make her just a part of it like I am for her, study when I need to and do everything and manage our relationship too.. |
t3_1dbmnp | relationship_advice | Been talking to a girl [20/F] for two months and I feel we're at a breaking point. Thoughts? | This girl and I [19/M] in college have been talking for quite a while, two months. Definitely longer than any other girl I've talked to.
Throughout the entire two months it's been a back-and-forth chase. She likes me. I like her. She pursues me. I pursue her. However, throughout this time, I constantly had this issue if I actually liked her. I stalled on this idea of entering a relationship until I got to know her better since getting in a relationship is definitely easier than breaking out of one.
A thing I noticed is that we rarely talk or hang out when we're around our own social circle. You can say we're really low-key about our relationship but I feel like she's afraid of showing feelings or affection for me around our friends. She gives them a lot of attention. However, she gives me little or no attention unless I initiate. Yet, this behavior goes out the window when we're alone.
Another thing I've noticed is that she always disqualifies herself whenever I compliment her. I believe she has really nice eyes but she doesn't. I believe she's interesting but she doesn't. She never says anything about my looks or personality or anything. She never gives me any compliments. I'm not sure if this is a self-esteem issue she has or if she's trying to lower herself so that I'm not objectifying her or putting her on a pedestal. However, her body language definitely says otherwise which throws me off.
After sleeping over her place about a week ago, I feel like we've hit a plateau. From this point, I think our relationship will go one of three ways. One, we become exclusive. Two, we decide to stay friends. Three, things don't work out, become awkward and the bridge between us burns.
What I'm here to ask is how can I break from this plateau and prevent the third option from happening? I can feel a breaking point at our relationship and I need to know what we both think about each other and where we want to be at. I want us to talk about it now rather than continue this endless wild-goose chase. | Been talking to a girl for two months. How do I talk to her about our relationship (becoming exclusive or staying friends) without damaging our friendship/burning the bridge between us? |
t3_44hxfu | relationships | I [25 F] told my fiancé [27 M] that I wanted to postpone our wedding and his reaction was meh | We have been engaged for a year now. We had plans to get married in August of this year. We have lived together about the entire time of our relationship ( 2 years in March). I told him that we are not financially ready to get married just yet. We should be more prepared to do things on our own and be more established. This was my main point, but I had other reasons that I did not mention to him.
I wrote a letter a few weeks ago and he read it Thursday. I thought he would be upset and have questions. He read it, was like "okay" and that was it. I tried to get him to talk about it, he said there really isn't much to talk about, that he agrees with what I said. I told him that he can say anything he wants to and I explained myself more in depth. He said he isn't mad and that it is what it is. That's pretty much the gist of it.
I thought that he would ask more questions, like how long do you think till we get married, or how long have you been thinking this, or anything really.
And then yesterday, I said to him "well I guess we are going to have to start telling people, like our parents" and he just nodded. And he kept saying "what do you want me to say"? or "what is there to say"?
I just feel like his reaction could be a number of things; he could be hurt and not saying anything or he could actually not really care. Since he has said that he would get married tomorrow to me if he could.
What do you guys think of his reaction? Should I try to pry him some more on it? Should I be concerned? Or just accept that he might just get it and agree? | I told my fiancé I don't want to get married in 7 months. His reaction was very indifferent. Confused by his reaction and lack of concern or question. What do you guys think of his reaction? |
t3_2ah7gk | relationships | Went on a First Date, Advice On How To Proceed Me 18M Her 18F | So this girl and I went on our first day today, we've known each other for about a year (friends) and we both admitted to liking each other.
Here's how the date went:
Visited a park in NYC (the high line) if anyone knows it, we just talked and walked. Afterwards we went to eat at this restaurant and after that, visited Central Park
Now for the little details:
All throughout the date we kept bumping into each other, her hand brushing mine etc. I caught her a few times just looking at me and when we talked, she would casually touch my arm. I know she's interested but the problem is, I think I screwed it up. See towards the end of the date, I offered my hand and she took it and we held hands walking out of the park. She then called a cab and I didn't have a chance to kiss her.
Was this first date a disaster? I mean it's different from other first dates because I've known this girl for a while and we've hung out before. Am I moving too slow or too fast with the hand holding? Should I have kissed her? Should I even text her? | Girl and I went on a date, ended date holding hands that's it, wondering if I should've done more or not. |
t3_gtx9b | AskReddit | I'm considering a career change. Help me O great hivemind! | Hey Reddit, I'm in my late 20's and still consider myself relatively young and in a good position for a career change. I'm considering two options right now:
1. Speech Therapy - I have family in the health industry and so I know it's a stable job with growing demand and a relatively high salary future. I've enrolled in some courses at a nearby college so that I can apply for the actual masters program next Fall. The downside is that I'm not sure how intellectually stimulating it will be for me to be honest.
2. Teach - Almost everyone that knows me knows that my primary skill is probably teaching. I've been teaching, tutoring, and into some form of instruction ever since high school and I can honestly say without feeling like I'm boasting that I'm good at it. The downside is that teaching (as a career) has taken a real beating these last few years and especially around where I live, teachers are getting fired left and right. (Disclosure: my wife also has had her teaching credential since 2009 and still hasn't found a job.)
Before anyone points out the wisdom (or lack thereof) of asking random people on the internetz, what I'm hoping to glean from the hivemind is any random pros and cons that I've overlooked. Any and all observations/suggestions from Redditors are welcome but especially from those who are speech therapists or teachers currently or have been in the past. | considering a career change between two options. Need a second opinion from anyone, but preferably from anyone from one of these two fields mentioned. |
t3_11i7o5 | relationships | I(22f) am being stood up by my own bf(31m). | Hi, I have an issue with my bf's behaviour and I'm not sure if I'm being reasonable in it or maybe overreacting.
I am 22f, he's 31m and we've been together for 9 months. We're not living together. He has his own flat and I live with my parents.
Last week he was sick and he took a day off from work. I am a student, and I had a day off school too on that day. I could've helped him, cooked for him and so on, if he just told me. Anyway, I wouldn't do it if he wanted to stay in bed alone, that's also ok, but he didn't tell me about this day off until I called him, because I wanted to pick him up from work. I just felt upset that he didn't even consider telling me what he's up to, especially since I told him to let me know how does he feel and if he needs anything.
Yesterday, I left his flat in the morning, I went home and he was supposed to go to his family for dinner and then come to my place at 6. And then 6 came and passed, and at 8 I texted him saying "thanks for standing me up" to which he replied "I'm sorry. I spend too much time at my parents' and only now I'm going home. Kisses." I was pretty angry, because he behaved like nothing has happened and that's not true from my point of view. I waited for him those two hours, I could've do something else, go out or whatever. And then I just get "sorry, kisses" like it was ten minutes. It's ok if he didn't come, but just tell me about it. I feel stood up by my own bf. I thought this happens only up to first three dates.
It hurts me that he doesn't even think about me when it comes to situations like these. He doesn't consider me in his plans. I don't know if what I feel is reasonable, maybe I'm overreacting? I even thought about standing him up, but that's just stupid and childlish (and passive-aggressive probably). | Bf stood me up on a date/meeting and only after me contacting him he cancelled our plans. Am I being right in being upset about it? |
t3_2ohp3n | relationships | Me [26 M] with my girlfriend [30 F]; 2 year duration; should I confess that she was my first? | Hey guys,
I will keep it short:
when I first dated her, I told her that I had a girlfriend 4 years before her (when I was 20), and that she was the one I had my first time having sex with.
The thing is: I lied. I was too embarressed to tell her, after our fifth date, when sex was imminent, that I was a virgin. I crafted a fake story, to make it clear, that I am very inexperienced.
In fact, she even is my first girlfriend. So I told her I have been in one short relationship (6 months).
It was out of embarressement, and I didn't want to ruin the moment. She shouldn't feel pressured, to make it something extra special (even though it was for me). At that time, I didn't know if she was looking for something serious or not, and I made that kind of dumb mistake.
Of course, the topic came up a few times later (questions of my former girlfriend ect.; I told stuff like "my parents didn't know about it; my friends are spread across the country, so we rarely see each other ....), and my lie seems to be very bullet proof. She doesn't seem to notice one bit.
But I don't want to lie to her anymore. I really love her, and lying is a no-go. On the other hand: that is the only lie I ever made towards her. It is kind of a big one, but also a small one. It doesn't hurt anyone. Just me atm.
So: how would you react if your SO tells you, that your bf was a virgin before?
Would you be angry?
And just hypothetically:if you can take that (insignificant?) lie to your grave, without her noticing, and both of you are very happy: would you tell about it?
Thanks btw, for the very helpfull community! | Told my SO (when we started dating) that I had a previous relationship, even though she is my first everything. Would you tell her afterwards? |
t3_qmfe5 | relationships | Hi Reddit, I'm in a very happy relationship of 10 months, however, when i get drunk i actively flirt etc with other girls. I've kept it from GF so far. Should i tell her? How can i stop? | I'm at Uni at the moment and have an excellent GF (we are both 21y/o) who i care for deeply, more than any girl i have ever had before. This is probably my first ever genuinely serious relationship. However, i routinely get drunk without her, at least twice a week i go on AU socials with my rugby team and in the mix of the drinking and everything (girls do swan to the rugby team) i cannot help myself. PLEASE BE QUITE SURE, SOBER I WOULD NEVER DO THIS, just when i'm drunk. I've not actually slept with any of them yet, but have come pretty close, often i am egged on by my friends, who know i have a GF which is a problem. I have spoken to them about this, but when drunk, no one cares. I'm not going to stop playing rugby or seeing these boys, as they're a huge part of my life, nor am i particularly able to limit my drinking, anyone familiar with the politics of uni rugby teams will understand why.
What's the best course of action? Tell my GF? Because sooner or later, pictures of me being a prat will appear on Facebook i'm sure. Help Reddit! | i get drunk and flirt with, kiss etc girls despite the fact i have a GF, one i care for deeply. |
t3_16dh0i | relationships | How do I [25f] come to terms with the fact that there'll never be any nice or romantic gestures with him [27M]? | My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year, and it was long distance for most of it. I love him. At the start of the relationship, things were wonderful - fancy hotels, picnics, adventures, he accompanied me shopping, didn't mind driving me anywhere, etc. Since moving to the same state to be with me, that's all stopped. We have bee arguing a lot lately, but I still love him and want to be with him, but now he doesn't make an effort to make me feel loved at all. There are no romantic gestures anymore, no nice surprises, he all but refuses to accompany me shopping and drive me places, he's never bought me flowers or anything like that.
From the ages of 17 -23 I was in a long-term relationship with someone, until I decided that I was too young to settle for a boring life with no love gestures, and gave up 6 years of stability and security to find someone more suitable.
Now I am confused, because I feel like I'm in the same situation I was in 3 years ago. I don't feel like he loves me enough to express it, maybe because we argue so much now (we're trying to work on it).
I am starting to think that it's just unrealistic to expect your SO to ever do nice things or surprise you to make you feel loved. At this stage I would feel incredibly awkward in making an obvious gesture of love, as I think it would be met with unappreciative confusion. I need some advice on coming to terms with this fact, and help in lowering my expectations of romantic/nice gestures in relationships. | Boyfriend and I are fighting a lot, I don't feel like he loves me because he doesn't do anything nice any more. Need advice on lowering expectations of romantic gestures. |
t3_3ijq9n | relationships | So I'm [17M] a piece of trash, and she [16F] is a beauty underneath, but it might not be enough. | So I know what you're thinking. "They're kids, and they have nothing to worry about." Maybe you're right. However, let me explain this.
I've recently discovered just how shallow I am. I started my new job roughly a month ago, and met this amazing girl. We got to know each other rather well, and I discovered she has an amazing personality. We talk easily, it's not that hard to laugh or share something personal with her, and she simply gives her best opinion on it. She's amazing in that way.
However, I keep holding myself back from trying to go all out for her because of her looks. By all means she is fairly pretty, but she's also extremely muscular. Like, she-could-kill-me-should-she-choose-to muscular. For some reason, I find myself on and off attracted to her. I keep considering other girls of greater cosmetics and good personality over her.
As such, I feel like shit about it, but can't help but fall back to it. I consider this becuase if I date someone, I'm in for the long haul. I'm picky as hell. I'm expected to go to basic training in a year, and I'm hoping to have someone to come home to, or at least have an experience to take solace in. I like to credit myself as a "writer", and I take interest in small details, such as the way a dress fall on a woman's body, how someone's eyes light up when you do something for them, or theway it feels when you shuffle across a dance floor with them. I can't take solace in that excitement with her for some reason. I talk to her when we can, and we never stop having something to say, but I don't know if I should ask her out on a second date, and continue forward. Any advice would be amazing, becuase I've been stuck in limbo on this for weeks. | I'm an awful human being, and I don't know if I should swallow my pride and go for it or try for someone who's prettier and still of good character. Any advice would be more than appreciated. |
t3_22jgg4 | relationships | My boyfriend [29/M] has decided to not have kids. I [21/F] have told him having a family is important to me. | I've been with my boyfriend for almost 6 months and I have fallen for him more than I expected. He already has two kids with two different women and the first time we talked about the topic, he's told me he doesn't want any more kids, ever.
He's told me that if I'm able to convince him he'd think about it, but I'm not looking to have any kids yet although it is still part of my future plan to have a family. He almost broke up with me yesterday because he didn't want me to stress out about it since it won't happen.
My friend [21/F] has also told me that there is no point of being with him if there is nothing to look forward to and in a way she is right but I have told her that I love this man and breaking up would only hurt even more.
There have been a few times where I have thought of not wanting kids, but maybe by the time I'm 30 I'm going to want a family. I don't want to break up with him because of how I feel about him but him not wanting a family at all is also a little bit of a bummer. | Boyfriend doesn't want any more kids, I have tried to convince him but it only brought more discussion between us two. |
t3_2gaf1o | Advice | Just broke up with my BF of a year. What do I do with the Army Navy tickets I got him? | My boyfriend of over a year and I decided to end things. It's pretty recent (about a week ago) and I'm pretty upset about it. I've never loved someone like I love him and he was the person I wanted to spend my life with and support and give everything to.
The part that is bothering me right now is that a month or so ago I found someone wanting to sell their football tickets to the Army Navy game. He always said that it was something he really wanted to do at some point in his life, so I got them. They were 250 each and I'm kind of in a financial bind right now.
So, do I look to sell them? Do I wait and see where things stand closer to the game? I haven't boughten the plane tickets yet to fly him there to meet me for it (he just moved to Atlanta for a job, hence the break up) but I will need to do so soon. I planned on getting them with my first paycheck from my new job which will be next week.
Things are rough right now, but you never know what the future holds. And if we worked things out, I would be devastated that I didn't make this happen. It would mean a lot to him. For starters it's just a one of the greatest games in football, but his dad was also in the Navy (gone for two years now).
Any advice? | I bought Army Navy football tickets for my boyfriend to surprise him for his birthday, but we just broke up. Planning needs to be done. Do I go ahead and make reservations, plane tickets? Or sell the football tickets? |
t3_26gx6t | relationships | I [24 M] feel like I'm the black sheep in my family | I'm feeling like the black sheep of my immediate and extended family... always feeling like I'm the enemy. In my immediate family, I'm the oldest.
My relatives/family who are of similar age to me are either working, in school, or both. I was too, but now I'm focused on my business in a fairly new but very important discipline. My parents don't understand that and don't support me. Because of what I'm doing, I'm spending a lot of time working at home, and everyone thinks I'm simply being lazy. I've tried to explain but they don't pay attention and immediately forget, thinking I'm doing nothing in my life.
They want me to do something everyone else is doing. i.e. go to school and get a job. Another thing is that people are suddenly working out and eating healthy now (I guess summertime?). My brother and cousins get commended, "Wow, good job exercising. You're eating so healthy. How can you stand that food?"
Of course, when I was working out and eating healthy before everyone else, no one gave two shits about it, and because I was eating healthy, people said I was being picky.
At home, I'm always told to do the dishes. "Leave it for him"... "Oh, your sis did it this morning, so you have to do it now" (but they don't say that when I already washed)... "Leave some for him to do"...
It's driving me nuts how low they see me. If I do something good, no one notices or says anything. If someone else does something good, they get commended and I get compared.
Well I guess at least I know what's going to drive me to succeed... being able to prove everyone in my family wrong and doing better than they are...
Oh and I know people are going to tell me to move out. I can't right now, so please answer assuming it's not an option. | I feel like the black sheep because I'm not doing what everyone else is doing and I'm looked down upon because of it |
t3_42hhfo | relationships | Me [28 M] with my gf [30 F] 2 years - Is it wrong to ask for proof? Or should trust be unconditional? | I'll try to be concise. The situation is this:
We were talking over voice comms one night, having a small discussion. I say I'm going outside for a smoke, be back in a few. I get back, gf is unresponsive. After a few minutes, she texts via voice comm she's talking to her mom (who she lives with, so in person). After waiting some more, it's getting late and I have to get up early, I write back exactly that, saying call me when you're done, I'm going to go lay in bed.
After waiting a good 10 more minutes, I decided to call her and get the call waiting distinctive tone (short beep after the ring). A few more calls and I get the same thing. Finally she texts back on the voice comms that she's going to take the dog out for a walk and she'll call me in a few minutes. I immediately call her phone and the call waiting tone is gone, replaced with a normal ring.
I ask her who she was on the phone with, she says she wasn't on the phone, she was talking to her mom.
At first I just let it go, but it started to bother me with some other stuffs going on. So I bring it back up. She insists that she wasn't on the phone. Now maybe computers or whatever is responsible for ringback tones might glitch sometimes (maybe???), it seems way too coincidental that it happened when she was unresponsive after just talking to her and the fact it disappeared as soon as she said she was about to call me.
Now, would it be wrong to ask / expect a phone log to verify that was indeed the truth? | GF insists on not being on the phone when I got the call waiting ringtone. Is it wrong to ask for proof she was telling the truth? |
t3_2y8su3 | relationships | My [27F] fiance [27M] suddenly wants to be poly. | My fiance and I have been together 4 years but are newly engaged. Lately he's been acting different, a little distant, kind of annoyed that I'm around the house all the time (I'm in the process of finding a new job). I try to talk to him but he says everything is fine, and reassures me that he loves me to no end.
Well, that may be true, but I found recently a conversation from a couple days ago with one of his buddies where he's saying that he feels bad, he knows I'm trying but he just wants to see other people. He wants to date around, see what his options are, or suggest that we become poly, which is just not something I'm okay with and he knows that.
I know that he has had a couple very successful polyamorous relationships in the past, he's told me a little bit about it. But he has also just dated one person, and it never seemed like something that he HAD to have in a relationship. He was happy for a long time with just me. It's seems great that people can be happy and function like that, juggling other people, but I am just not one of them. I can't share someone, I would be devastated. He's not telling me any of this, and I can't bring it up because then he'll know I looked at his conversations...which I know I shouldn't have but I was getting nothing out of him.
I just don't want to lose him. How can I convince him not to throw away 4 happy years and an engagement for the idea of seeing other people? | Fiance wants to go poly but is keeping it from me, I can't do that but don't want to lose him. |
t3_4z7u7v | relationships | My [23m] girlfriend [21f] seems to be pulling away, she insists this isn't the case. Am I over thinking? | Have been living with my girlfriend (10 months together) for the past 3 months as I've just moved to her city following graduation. This was only temporary from the start as I looked for a permanent place, she heads back to university in 2 weeks and I subletted my own room for the summer in case anything went wrong. My place was objectively worse than hers and we had no issues living together, cooking together while both having 9-5 jobs.
A week ago, we went to bed and she was incredibly bothered, mentioned that she just realized we had been living together at our young age and did not feel like she had enough personal space. I obligingly moved back to my place taking all my stuff within the day and she assured me many times that she only needed physical space and this was not a bigger issue than that. We talked for a while by phone and she said she was very happy that things moved quickly and she hadn't overly upset me.
I'm scared at this point a week in that she may be drifting away, right before she returns to school for 4 months. It was always planned that we'd stay together with no major issues to be seen but I'm now getting worried that she may be reconsidering. I now have to plan to spend time with her, which feels weird and more difficult now that I don't see her everyday. Will see her on Friday as I'm taking her out for a nice dinner to celebrate finishing work. Things just feel off and I am overthinking every word and action now. Any advice?? | Quickly moved out from my girlfriends where I had been temporarilu, she insists it was just a space thing, that has now been solved, and she says as a couple we have no issues. Am I overthinking? |
t3_2ugyya | relationships | Would it be weird/annoying for me (f/22) to ask him (m/27) if I can hang out with him and the dudes? | I have a group of guy friends but only hang out with them when I bump into them at the local pub almost every weekend. I've known them all for a year now. And they are a fun bunch.
Last night, one of the guys I have crush on asked me to come over to his place with the guys afterwards because I sometimes go to his place after the pub, and I hangout with him and his guy friends. But this time, I couldn't. I told him I really wish I could, but I didn't want to leave my friend who I went there with. I could tell he was disappointed. About an hour after, he texted me saying "come over". Even though I already told him I couldn't...
Anyway, next weekend, I want to hang out with him and his friends and then perhaps do some fooling around at the end of the night with him. We have already made out twice before.
Would it be weird or annoying to text a guy and ask him what they're up to and if I could tag along? I have hung out with them before, but its never been planned. It just happens. | how do I ask a guy friend if I can hang out with him and his guy friends this weekend? Or would that be annoying? |
t3_1kxeak | relationships | Me[22M] with my GF/ExGF [23F] 2yr relationship, breakup trouble | So we have dated for a long time and right now we are both at different stages of our life and would be separated by long distance (a few hours) if we decided to continue dating. This would mean we see each other maybe one weekend of the month.
I used to really love her and I'm not sure what happened by SOMETHING happened and the spark went out a bit. She was a bit batty at times and I think that contributed to it. I was always wanting an excuse to get out of the relationship without completely ruining her but it never presented itself. (I knew she was still madly in love with me and I think that that also scared me because she wasn't really independent, she was dependent on me).
Fast forward to now- I brought up the conversation and she was hurt that I wasn't reciprocating her love fully and we broke up. She still loves me and wants to get back together and to be fair, we have been fucking...
The trouble is that I kind of do want to date her. I'm not sure why I flip-flopped. Is it because I miss having a GF though not specifically her? Or maybe it is the thought of her fucking other guys. I know that that really upsets me. It probably wasn't a good idea to be FWB after breaking up since I know she loves me but we are a couple of horny 20 somethings...
I need to figure my emotions out and I'm not sure how best to do that. Obviously I don't want to tell her YES LETS BE BF/GF and then once we are BF/GF evaluate whether or not this is what I truly want because that would totally throw a wrench into her emotions and fuck with her. But I have been waiting for SOMETHING definitive and have not found it.
I'm not sure if I'm just lonely, if I truly miss her, if I miss what we had, if I love her, if I will ever actually find someone better, if I can stomache the thought of her fucking other people, etc. | Something was missing or I had anxiety about the future and going long distance and stuff and I brought up the break up convo with gf of 2 years. |
t3_wr74i | BreakUps | Am I overreacting? I'm incredibly angry. | Hey guys, throwaway because I'm kinda embarrassed about this.
9 days ago me and my girlfriend split up. We were a terrible couple but had tried to make it work for the last year and a bit. I was deeply in love with her. For the first 6 months or so we were fantastic. So for 14/15 months we were together.
The break up was harmonious enough, we both talked about it and agreed to go our separate ways but would try to still be friends.
Fastforward to last night, she makes a big deal of me coming to test drive a car for her. I tell her I don't want to, because let's face it, it's not very exciting, and I get all this shit from her about 'So much for wanting to be friends'. It's irritating, but I end up making her realise that that isn't what is going on.
Fastfoward again to about half an hour ago. She texts me 9 days after breaking up with me asking if I would mind her seeing someone else. I reply saying I would have hoped she would have waited more than 9 days after a 15 month relationship, but it's her life, she can do what she wants. She texts me about some other crap, but I'm a bit hung up on her moving on in 9 days so I text her again saying "9 days is fucking ridiculous". She replies saying that I said I didn't mind (which I didn't say, I said it's her life) and that it wasn't necessarily going to be a serious relationship.
I equated this to her essentially telling me she wants to fuck another guy. 9 days after splitting up. To me it seems like a pretty clear sign that she gave very few fucks about me.
Also, I just read through this as if I was reading another user's thread and I think my comment would be something along the lines of "You're over-reacting". But still. Advice appreciated. | My gf of 15 months broke up with me 9 days ago and decided it would be a good idea to ask my opinion of her fucking some other guy. |
t3_2o1n2j | relationship_advice | Is it fair that I [M23] continue seeing a woman [F34] that I care for but don't see a future together? | I've been seeing a woman who is about 11 years older than me with two kids. It started out as a friends with benefits type of deal but as time went on we started to talk and saw that we had a lot in common. We started spending more time together, and talking a lot after sex, and we really started to enjoy each others company. We then became exclusive.
I'm proud to call her my girlfriend. She is absolutely gorgeous, she loves sex, and we talk about everything and anything. The communication and chemistry between us is nothing like my previous relationships. While I'm not certain that I "Love" her, I feel very strongly about her. She truly makes me happy at this point in time of my life.
However, there is a problem. I don't see a long term future a head for us. We talked about this and agreed that although we make each other very happy, our relationship doesn't "logically" make sense due to the age difference, the kids, and so forth. And While it's possible that maybe things could workout, I'm having a hard time seeing her two kids being a part of my future. She has made it clear she doesn't want more children, but I want a child of my own later down the line. | Is it fair for her and I to continue a relationship that potentially has no future due to our significant age difference, her kids, and lack of desire for an additional child despite wanting one myself? |
t3_1rtqsx | tifu | TIFU by being a bottom. | Some friends and I decided to go sledding because it finally snowed here. All was fun and a little painful, but it was tolerable.
Then, we come up with this idea of laying on each other then doing down the hill. I, a 5'7 female, climbed aboard a 6'5 male, and flew down the hill. Yeah, I fell off then rolled on my own for a bit, but it was fine. I may have rolled into a puddle but whatever.
Then, I decided to be the bottom. However this time, me and 2 other bottoms were laying on our sleds at the top of the hill, and two guys were on top of the three of us. Laying across, hopefully you can picture this.
So we all try to go down the hill together, I being the only female bottom here. And once we get going, my face got caught in the snow. And you know what happened? We kept going down.
**i went face first down half of the hill.**
After the half way point, the rest of the group ran over me and kept going, but I let go. At the bottom of the hill, after hitting my head on several hunks of snow and ice, I found myself laying in a muddy puddle of slush with half of my face soaked, with a swollen hand and cheek, partially concussed I think.
And then went for round two with my 6'5 top, however I didn't get trampled. | tried to bottom two guys on a sled, ended up nearly dying at the end of a hill with swollen body parts and a partial concussion |
t3_emplp | relationship_advice | I am a young man who had his first few sexual experiences only with hookers, how do I learn to have normal relationships with women? | Wasn't sure whether to put this in r/sex so just decided this place was close enough.
Long story short I'm a 19 year old uni student and lost my virginity to an escort over the summer, and then I ended up wasting about a $1000 on escorts over the course of a month. Since then I decided to stop wasting money on them and it's been a few months since I had sex with one.
Truth be told I had hoped the experience of losing my virginity would finally give me the confidence to actually be able to approach women sexually. I have tons of friends, go to parties all the time, but more often than not I just find I don't know how to initiate anything with a girl even if she's drunk and wild or something.
You could say I almost feel like I am still a virgin in a ton of ways. I've never been on a date, never kissed a girl, never held a girl's hand or anything like that. At most I've danced with girls at parties.
Even the thought of having sex again seems disgusting to me at this point. In my mind I can only associate it with the business-like model of simply handing money over to a hooker and then having sex with her.
A lot of friends ask me why I never try to find a girlfriend or even do anything with girls at parties (let me say that I've had a lot of chances). Sex has become almost negatively reinforced in my mind from the bad experiences I've had with escorts. I can't even imagine what sex with just a normal consenting person is like. | I only have experience having sex with hookers and now sex in general seems disgusting to me. How do I correct the enormous fuck up I've made in my life? |
t3_3saiiz | relationships | I [28 M] am seeing my ex-gf's [27 F] friend post break up. Advice? | Had this in break up but I think it applies more to relationship. Im over the break up.
Me[28M] and my ex-gf [27F] dated for 6 years. We hard a few rough patches and breaks. A few months ago she leaves me for another guy. At first I try and convince her to reconsider and that we can work this out. After the conversation she asks for time to consider my words. The next day she sends and email saying "I think its best if we not see each other" and "over time I hope we can be friends" and "This new guy gives her excitement, is really nice"...etc... I call after the email and ask if she's happy. She tells me she is and we have a nice conversation and said goodbye.
Fast forward a few weeks later. I'm at a local pub and run into one of her friends. This friend never liked me and I ask her why. We sit and talk and the friend tells me all the horror stories about me my Ex-gf had told her. I explain my side and bring a little clarity to the situation. Her friend and I talk and drink. She ends up coming home with me. We begin hanging out regularly. Go to shows together.
My ex-gf finds out and calls. She calls me a cheater, spiteful, immature and every name you can call someone. tells me never to contact her again. Between the yelling and "Joe, shut the fuck up or Ill hang the phone up!" and "I hate you so much!" I explain that what Jane and I are doing is our business and its not in spite of her. I apologize and she hangs up.
My question is, if shes so happy with her new guy, the one she left me for, why is this an issue? Why is she not happy for me? | Girlfriend leaves me for another guy. I begin seeing her friend. She calls me the devil. Why is she mad and should I break it off with her friend? |
t3_31eqxv | tifu | TIFU. Twice. | This happened yesterday.
So, I work in a music venue and we had two events on. One was in the theatre upstairs and the other (which I was working) was in the studio downstairs.
I'll cut to the chase.
One of the events had finished and customers were leaving. Two women approached the front door, one of whom was in a wheelchair. They were too close to the door for me to open it and I let out one of the most awkward things I have ever said. I looked at the woman in the wheelchair and said "please could you just *step* back a second so...". My voice trailed off here as I realised what I had said. My eyes widened and I opened the doors without another word. I turned around to see my boss standing behind me, hand to his mouth, shaking his head. I awkwardly shuffled away.
If this wasn't bad enough, later, a coworker informed me that the reason he was dressed so smartly was because he had been to an interview. Apart from that's not what he said at all. He had been to a *funeral*. My response couldn't have been much worse. I smiled and said "oh, cool!"
I didn't even find out until later what he had actually said so I had no way to even apologise. Goddammit. | I told a woman in a wheelchair to "step back" and when a colleague told me he had been at a funeral I said "oh, cool!" I dun goofed. |
t3_2hl3bx | relationships | Me [18 M], She [20 F] kind of seeing each other, says she doesn't know what she want's, I don't think she want's anything.. Need help.. | I have been seeing this girl for a couple of months, we have progressed to seeing each other pretty much every day for the past couple of weeks and kissing each other and all that stuff..
But last night we spoke on the phone and I asked her something and she didn't want to answer, this turned into a whole conversation lasting 3 hours and in the end, I told her how I felt, and she says "I don't want to hurt you, and I really do care about you, but I'm not sure what I want" This is fine and dandy but she kept saying, "no matter what I still want you in my life" and I just don't know if I'd be able to see her with other guys..
I have absolutely no clue what to do.. I seriously did plan on being her boyfriend but she had other ideas I guess..
I have been cheated on and everything and this essentially felt the same.
I'm probably overreacting but
I just don't know what to do. | I'v seen this girl a lot lately, things got a little serious and then she says she doesn't know what she wants.. I'm confused. |
t3_45me5p | relationships | Should I [28 F] even think about dating this guy [29 M] whose mother just died? | So here's the deal. I went to school with a guy who in the back of my mind, I thought was cute. Nothing ever happened between us. Fast-forward about 10 years and we run into each other on an online dating site in December. We get on well, have a bunch of mutual friends and have been getting on well ever since.
Anyway, this weekend we were flirting and he was hinting at sex and because I don't have sex outside of a committed relationship (personal choice as have been burned before) I decided to ask him why he was online in the first place, what was he looking for etc? He said he was looking to meet people and see what happens, for something that is easy and that he doesn't have to work hard to make happen. He also said he's never been in love before. We then talked a little bit more and he said the following:
"Okay, Hannah, I think I should be entirely honest with you because you seem like an amazing girl and I really don't want to hurt you. Last year was utterly horrible for me. I lost my mum and last grandparent. My head is a bit messed up if I'm totally honest. Can't picture falling in love/being in a relationship. Reasons why I don't want a relationship where I have to work at it as my patience is not where it once was. Just want something chilled where I can grow into it. I just want to be honest with you and apologies for not being so before. Just a hard thing to tell anyone as it changes everything."
Just as context, he is a great guy and he's everything I'm looking for at the moment. I'm just really concerned that he's emotionally unavailable, just wants something casual etc. I'm happy to be there for him as a shoulder to cry on etc but I don't want to put myself into a position where I'm going to get hurt myself. I have been burned extremely badly before by unavailable men (commitment problems, addiction etc) and hope I'm not repeating my pattern by attempting this. Basically my question is, should we EVER try to date someone who's just lost their mother? | I like a guy whose mother died recently (2015). Should I even try to date him or is it totally the wrong time? |
t3_1qsqiw | relationship_advice | My (26F) parents judging my relationship with boyfriend (28M), need to help | My boyfriend and I have been dating for just over a year. We both have busy lives and are not super clingy to each other. We spend time together when we can, and when we are together it is GREAT. When we aren't together we still communicate lots and everything is dandy.
Except! My parents keep judging the relationship we have. When they dated they spent every living second together and think that is the only way that a relationship can work. They talked with me tonight about how I should be out galavanting around town all the time because they used to, whereas I am a homebody that likes to be at home. They think I spend too much time with his family (we both live with our parents still so when I go over to his house his mom is obviously there) and that we don't ever go out (we are movie buffs and like hanging out watching movies over going out to dinner- we both love art though and spend lots of time at galleries etc).
We had a few weeks where we couldn't spend time together because of overtime/illness/poor scheduling recently but when we got back together everything was as it was before. I think that it speaks to our relationship that if we spend time apart it doesn't effect how we feel. My parents think differently. I've tried explaining to them that I am so insanely happy but their comments all the time are hurting me (they've done this with past relationships) and ruining the relationship I have with my parents (we have always been very close). Any thoughts on how to handle this? I feel like I can't even have my boyfriend over now because of their attitude, whenever I mention wanting to have him over they have some excuse for not being able to see him... | my parents don't think I am in a good relationship because we don't see each other all the time, while I am totally happy because we are crazy about each other, our schedules just don't always sync up! |
t3_4bzrwk | relationships | Is it too late for him (25M) to say sorry? (25F) | My Ex and I broke up around a year ago. We were in a rocky 3-year relationship. Towards the end I thought things were getting better, talking about our future and how serious he was about me. He very abruptly ended things with me saying he hasn't loved me for the past year and within two months had a new gf.
I haven't spoken to him since he started dating her. A few months after then he blocked me on Instagram but began to follow me on snapchat. (I don't follow him on any social media but we remained FB friends and my Instagram isn't private)
Around 6 months ago he started to send me snapchats and I figured if I never answered he would stop. He hasn't stopped and they just keep coming in, never anything inappropriate. I'd say it averages out to 2x a week.
The other day he messaged me to talk and we had a phone call with him explaining how he was sorry for how he went about ending things. He said he's learned and matured a lot and realized what he did was wrong and that he shouldn't have treated someone he cared about that way.
**I don't know if his apology is coming from a place of detachment or if he's holding on to a place of love. | My ex bf of a year broke contact and called me to apologize, despite having a gf. Does he still care or is he relieving guilt. |
t3_36ht9d | relationships | Me [23F] with my partner[23M] of just over a year; I'm trying to decide whether or not to continue living together. | So he and I have been together for a year and a few months. After four months, we both moved in and moved out of state together. It wasn't ideal, but he didn't know anyone here, and I figured it'd be hard but we could give it a shot.
I love him, but most of our issues are because we live together. He doesn't really tend to do his share of household chores, he spends kind of frivolously and sometimes is short on rent because of it, and he doesn't really contribute to apartment needs. One of the other major problems is that we work completely different schedules. I work a day job 9-5. He works second shift and his weekends are usually a Wednesday and Thursday. This means we never have a full day off together, and when he goes out with friends sometimes he comes in at 3 in the morning and it wakes me up. He gets to sleep all day before work, and I do not, so when it wakes me up, I'm getting only a few hours of sleep sometimes.
To make a long story short (too late...), I know we care about each other, but I don't feel like he respects my time, space and boundaries sometimes. Most of the problems we have (but not all of them) come from living together. I want to stay together but live in different apartments this year with our best friends. I figured if our relationship kind of irons itself out then we could always move back in together down the line, and if it doesn't then at least we're not stuck in a lease together. Has anyone tried this? Anyone have any tips for how to gently and lovingly have that conversation?
Thanks folks! | My partner and I moved in together a little early. I want to stay together but live in separate apartments this year. Has anyone tried this? How did it go? |
t3_1gxk6c | relationships | Am I [F22] overreacting about this?? Bf [M25] | We have been dating for almost 5 months and have been moving pretty fast in our relationship. One day while my bf was sleeping, I was just browsing through his phone (we both let each other use the others phone a lot) playing games and checking out stuff and found a conversation of him with a girl I've never heard of before. I check the conversation and noticed the new messages were of her being annoyed of him and she obviously did not want him to message her again. The conversation was also the same day that my boyfriend and I had a huge argument. I started scrolling towards the past conversations they had from 6 months ago and find out that he had asked her previously to be Friends with benefits with him. As I scrolled more deeper I find out that they talked about really explicit things and during that whole time, he was consistently trying to get her to go over to his house and/or go out with him.
I confronted my boyfriend about this and asked him why he messaged her. He said that she was JUST A FRIEND and that he usually talked with her over the phone about his relationship problems. I told him before that our relationship is our own problem and if he wanted to talk to someone, he had his close friends whom I knew he had been friends with for over 6 years. He had no right to message a random person whom he wanted to fuck in the past and vent about OUR problems to them! He kept saying that it was no big deal and that he did nothing wrong because all he wanted to do was talk. | Boyfriend hits up girl whom he wanted to fuck in the past to talk about our relationship problems with. I dont know what to think of this. Am I overreacting? |
t3_4vpjuh | personalfinance | Bank has taken almost 3 years to clear identity theft- what should I do to clear my name? (US) | 4 years ago, someone opened an account at <major us bank> under my social security #. This account was under their name and was closed with a negative balance, which was then taken to collections and written on my credit report.
I found out January of 2014, when I attempted to open an account at a credit union. Since then, I've been attempting to work with the bank to fix the situation: I have piles of mail and correspondence emails from the bank, outlining the situation and attempting to wipe it off my record, as well as a police report.
They took my ID twice because they lost it the first time, they had me fill out the paperwork twice because they lost it, they found an additional account under my name (savings) that was negative and forcibly closed, which popped up around November of 2014. At that time, they told me the checking was cleared, but because they found an additional account under my ss, they would have to clear this one too. Emails said that they would have it taken care of December of 2014, yet it is Aug of 2016 and still, it is on my record. The final phone call I made was about 2 weeks ago, which they said it would be done and off my record and chexsystems. However, I just received a letter saying they have insufficient information to process my dispute.
Reddit: what do I do? I spoke to a guy today again, and he said that his manager will personally be calling me tmrw. I'm really unsure they actually will. Is there another path I can take to try to get this off my record? I've been waiting years to open an account at a credit union and I can't until this is done. | working with bank for 2.5 years to clear identity theft. Not much has changed. Is there any other outlets I can take to make them prioritize this issue? |
t3_4pxkgj | relationships | Me [25M] and GF [23F] of 1 year - dealing with her self esteem issues draining me | My GF basically has daddy issues. Not why I started dating her for the record. In fact, I didn't realize it until fairly recently. In the last month or so it's clear to me that she looks to me for near constant validation of everything. Pretty sure she has clinical depression as well, if she would ever see someone who actually knows about those things.
Anyway I'm human and I suck at things, and I let her down a lot. So we get in frequent serious fights because I "reject" her and I'm a horrible person and I hate her because I have whisky dick. It's almost always sex related, and booze always makes it worse.
I kind of threw down the gauntlet this morning after a fight yesterday, and I feel bad about it. I don't like ultimatums. I told her I cannot keep up the relationship if any time I fail to act exactly like she expects me to to keep up her self-esteem results in a big fight.
Am I in fact a terrible person for getting tired of trying to be her self-esteem? I don't feel like it's fair to me to have to be always "on" for her, and I certainly don't enjoy being yelled at for things like I want to go to sleep instead of have sex when I have to be up early the next morning. (sex is great, hangovers and falling asleep at work are not, paychecks are kind of necessary) | I can't validate my girlfriend every second of every day, get yelled at when I reveal that I am in fact human. Not sure it's worth the relationship. |
t3_ercq6 | AskReddit | Reddit, Best Buy misled me when buying a TV for my Dad. What are my options? | I went shopping for a TV from Best Buy (yup, that's my first mistake), and examining the models, picked a [LG 32LD450] since it seemed to be decently priced, had 4 HDMI ports, and several other connections, more than enough for his purposes. I considered the LG 32LD400, but that appeared to only have 2 HDMI inputs, and while it could work, would have required some daisy chaining I'd prefer to avoid.
This was based on some initial research I had done, but the final decision was done in store, after examining the display model above the tag.
Fast forward to today: he's happy about his gift, and I start setting it up. However, we realize the TV we got has only 2 HDMI ports, instead of 4 as expected. We double checked the model in store, and the model on the TV matches the box. We ended up with the correct TV model, but it definitely isn't what we wanted. Looking at LG's site, I'm guessing the display model was a [LG 32LD550] which is more expensive (I'd link to the Best Buy pages, but neither model is listed online). This wrong model was very deliberately placed over the sign for the TV I bought; there couldn't have been a mix up.
I'm intending to head to Best Buy tomorrow to return the TV, and I'm wondering if Reddit has any advice. I fully intend to check to see if the wrong model is still being displayed, confront them over it, and request to trade. Clearly they won't like that, and I'm willing to partially cover the difference, but after ruining the gift with shady practices, I have no intention of paying the full price for the higher model.
Are there any consumer protections laws regarding advertising that might help? I'm in Washington state if that helps. | The display model of the TV I bought was deliberately the wrong model, and I ended up with one without the inputs I wanted/needed |
t3_18fihv | Pets | My cat loves me but hates everyone else. What can I do? | Back story: My cat, Pancake is 3 years old now. I found her in an alley with the rest of her litter when they were probably a week old (they couldn't open their eyes yet). I bottle fed them and took care of them until they were old enough to be given away, and kept Pancake.
She was with her siblings up until she was about 8 weeks old, so I believe she had proper socialization with other cats. She hates everyone else but me, though. She's super affectionate towards me and very cuddly. When it comes to my dad (who feeds her every day) she just started to tolerate him but will still scratch him/hiss at him. When she was about 1 and I had guests over, she would get super skiddish and hissy, but not scratch anyone.
She hates my boyfriend, and has gone out of her way to charge him and scratch him when he wasn't even interacting with her. This is the part I'm worried about. In May, we'll be moving in together and I'm afraid she'll be a) stressed out from the move, b) go batshit crazy on my boyfriend. He's been around her somewhat regularly for about two years now, yet she still hates him.
I'm not really sure what I can do in regards to helping her assimilate. I've had my boyfriend play with her and feed her treats more, and am hoping that will help. Just not sure what else I can do. I love her and giving her up is not an option for me. | Raised cat from when she was barely a week old. She loves me, but hates (and attacks) everyone else. What can I do to help her get used to others? |
t3_2kop89 | relationships | Me (19M) Her (19F) Casual relationship for about 2 years. Will you marry me? Wait I mean be my friend with benefits. Same thing right? | Ok so my problem is I'm in the military and I wont be in town for much longer but I'd really like to start a relationship with one of the most gorgeous girls I know.
As a teenage guy my craving for sex is fairly average it's just whenever I think about her it's just kinda primal like I legitimately just want to throw her over my shoulder, take her to bed, and go to town. I fear that if I ask her on a date and I don't talk to her about it the date will only end badly because subconsciously I'll be working under those motives and I'm not sure if that's the right with a girl that I do genuinely like. How is anyone supose to approach the situation? Is sex really that bad to talk about? Physically I think the attraction there and so far all of our conversations have been fairly casual. I also consider myself well worded but I also can't even write something that I feel would explain it in a text so if someone had an idea among those lines that would also be appreciated. I know this isn't the most interesting of topics especially when you take out the aspects of casual sex but any opinions, questions, comments, or statement will help thanks | How to ask a girl to be FWB without coming across as an asshole while also leaving the possibility of a relationship open. |
t3_37i43v | relationships | I [21M] am completely head over heels for a friend [20F] who is in a long-term relationship | So I met this girl at a concert last summer, and immediately felt a real chemistry between us - even after finding out she has a bf. We figured out that we attend the same school, and have consistently been hanging out together since then.
We have had a heart to heart about our feelings for eachother, but she is committed to her boyfriend of 2 years.
Everytime we hang out I feel like the chemistry keeps getting stronger, and I often have to hold myself back from making a move in fear of ruining what we currently have. Yet, the more we hang out, the more I like her, and the shittier I feel about how I cannot really act on these feelings.
It's to the point where I feel like I'm in a lose-lose situation. Do I put myself out there and risk ruining our friendship with a sliver of hope that she will dump her bf and choose me? Or do I do nothing and continue to fall further and further into the friend zone? | I really like a girl who is in a 2 year relationship, and have no idea how to deal with the situation. Any advice? |
t3_3edif6 | tifu | TIFU by smiling at a girl. | Thus happened a couple of years ago, while I was still in college. I was heading to class wearing one of my favorite outfits. I felt fly as fuck, had my aviators on, loose tie, shiney polished shoes. I kind of hoppety-skip down these stairs and keep walking, I'm almost to the building. I see a beautiful girl and I beamed my most winning smile at her, she grinned back at me, then I misstepped...fell forward and caught myself. Only I missed another step, wobbled backwards and fell on my ass, continued falling backwards and rolled into my back. The absurdity of it all overwhelmed me, so I just accepted my fate and decided to stare at the wonderful clouds and let out a sigh. The cutie completely freaked out and screamed, "OH MY GOD!"
She ran over to me and asked if I was okay, complete terror on her face. So I looked up at her and smiled again, told her, "Yeah, bruised my ego pretty bad, but it'll be fine in a few days." She laughed and helped me up, then we both hurried off to our classes. I get into class and I sit down. I instantly feel a lump under my butt, so I stand up. I always look before I sit, so I didn't understand what the lump was. Well, apparently when I fell, I landed in some jerk's discarded chewing gum. As I stood up, the gum stretched and left a trail down the back of my pants and instantly stuck further. Those pants were a strange material, so that shit was *not* coming out. I ran triage in the bathroom, tried everything at home I could Google about the material, but the pants were trash now. | felt fly as fuck, smiled at pretty girl, stumbled, fell, stumbled, fell, landed in gum and ruined my pants and ego. |
t3_1gc5rh | offmychest | You friend-zoned me. Well I finally did fuck you! | You teased me. Invited me over for the first time, then fucked your ex on your roof while I was drunk on your floor. I was there for you when you were hurting. You set me up with your friend. And finally after 3 years, you were lonely, we fooled around and then we fucked. You came back again the next week and we fucked again. You later said you regretted it, but only did it because you were horny and lonely. Well I fuckin loved it. I hate-fucked you so hard. The sex wasn't the best, but it was great mentally. You couldnt' even look at me the entire time, and I still get off to that. Then the girl you set me up with told me how you fucked some guy and couldnt look at him because he wasn't your ex. I still jerk off to this day reliving the feeling of finally putting my dick inside you. | Girls says im crazy, obsessed, rapey, mental, disgusting, a liar, unloveable, heartless. Guys are glad I got the unicorn |
t3_2f1pkx | relationships | Me [22 M] with the girl I've been seeing for a bit [20 F], how do I get to the boyfriend/girlfriend stage? | So I've been seeing this girl for a little while now.
We've done dinner dates, movie dates, we've slept together a few times.
I like her a lot and I THINK she might like me too. She doesn't let on much. In fact the most she's said to me was "I miss you" via text when we've been apart a month or so.
I'm seeing her for the first time in a while next week.
How do I make her my girlfriend? I was thinking of giving her a present (a CD I got her) wrapped with a scrap of paper with something along the lines of "Can we try the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing together?". I think this would be less awkward than just asking her to her face.
What does /r/relationships/ think? | Been seeing each other for a little while. Do I ask her to be in a relationship face to face or casually suggest the idea within a card? |
t3_e4h6c | self | Applying for my dream job tomorrow - a porn store. | Well, close enough to my dream job.
I've wanted to work in the adult retail industry for awhile, because it has always facinated me. I like working retail, and I'm just about the most lax/open person I know when it comes to sexuality. I applied for jobs in countless porn stores in my hometown (Portland, OR. Known for its parks, strip clubs, and sex scene.) but my best friend's mom was the general manager of the biggest chain of retail stores in the area. She put the word out not to hire me. (She was trying to protect me.)
I've since moved to a new town halfway across the country, and the local adult shop is hiring. The man on the phone sounded excited when I inquired about job openings, and told me to come in tomorrow morning and apply. I plan to bring in a resume (which isn't very impressive, but it does have 3 straight years at a party store on it... which is something for someone who hasn't even graduated college yet.) and a cover letter. Any tips on what to write for the cover letter? I was going to make it a bit more personal, a bit more beefing up the fact that I'm awesome than the general hoity-toity professional cover letter. What do you guys think? | Applying at a porn store. Need to write a cover letter. Hints/tips/tricks/advice? |
t3_2oi7qa | Advice | How to defeat muscle/leg pain from work with little recovery time. | I've started working as a picker in a warehouse for a well known internet seller and it's slowly killing me. I've gone from no work to working 11 and a half hour shifts 5 and a half hours a week. The work includes a good 10 miles of walking, a lot of bending/squatting, pushing and lifting and constantly being on my feet apart from a couple of short breaks.
Combined it's left me in a large amount of pain which in turn is slowing me down at work, which is making me force myself harder, which is causing pain.. you get the picture. I know a lot of the pain in my muscles is just from me being a lazy sack of shit normally and it'll go away eventually, but with little time to rest the muscles, how can I help the process? As a follow up, best way to combat rash between your legs? I used to hill walk but never really suffered from this. And is there away to keep my feet from getting sore, stretches or such like, ways to relax while standing? | unfit, got job, jobs kicking my unfit ass, please help. I'm back in in a little over 6 hours, I'll take anything! |
t3_10hfcb | AskReddit | Have you ever been a jerk to somebody only for them to turn around and do something really nice for you? | Hello Reddit, I had a little bit of an eye opener yesterday. At work we have had some contractors in for a little while to do something. In the course of their work they need access to a room that only we can let them into, kind of annoying and interrupts what you are doing but it isn't their fault that we won't give them access (not my call of course). Anyhow after a couple of weeks I tried to avoid helping them and was just generally being a dick to one of them and hinted that I didn't have time for them.
I was working on a task yesterday and I had no idea where to find something and how I was going to go about finding it, this contractor noticed what I was doing, pointed me in the right direction and even gave me the tools to make the task much easier (I could have done it without the tools he had but it made the job so much quicker and easier). I got chatting to him for a little bit and he gave me some awesome tips that I will take and use for a long time.
After all that I have realized how much of a douche I (and almost all of us) and have been to these guys. In future I am going to be much more supportive to anybody that is in his position and not so selfish to what I need to do, it isn't their choice that they have to come to us to do their job. | I was a jerk to some guy that needed my help, he was nice and really helpful to me when I needed it. Much more understanding and sympathetic now. |
t3_2s8atb | personalfinance | I need a 6K loan. Is there any companies besides my bank that I could look into? | So like the title says. I am coming up on graduating after this next semester, but I owe the school 6K in unpaid tuition and whatnot. I have to pay it before I can graduate.
My four years of school has been a long very slow spiral to a more than empty bank account. It started with me being able to cover everything, just barely. Then I moved into an apartment with some roommates to relieve the cost, which helped slow the outward flow of money, but it's been piling up and piling up, I'm getting the max amount of financial aid I can and have borrowed as much money as I could from family, and finally it's to the point that I have exhausted all of my options. There's no way I can cover this. My bank won't give me a loan. I have maxed my CC covering tuition in the past, pulled everything I had saved and then some, my parents have even pulled money from their CD, and I just can't draw any more. One of the roommates just moved out so that makes the rent leap for the two of us left. Shitty thing of her to do.
I would even be open to a credit card with a limit that high if that's a thing.
Is there any loan companies that aren't sketchy as hell that would help me? My credit is around 620 if that matters. Once I graduate, I have a place waiting for me that will soften the blow of debt, but it's too far to commute. It's like I'm crawling up a river, holding on by my nails to not get swept away by it because there's a spike bed waiting for me at the end if I do... But once I graduate, that spike bed will at least be a mattress, even if I am swamped with debt.
So yeah. Any help you can give me. I'm pretty desperate, what I have here is a very good thing and about as cheap as I am going to find (actually it's far less than any other place here) so taking the semester off and coming back is not an option. I need to find a way to fight through, I NEED to finish because trying to come back later would be way more costly. | I need 6K, badly. Very desperate for it. I am nt sure what to do, and am wondering if anybody knows of any resources for me. :( |
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.