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t3_2zhjsa | relationships | Me [23 Q] with my partner [24 Q] of 2.5 years - is it weird that I'm still not entirely out of the honeymoon phase? | So, sorry about the Q thing first off, but we identify as genderqueer. Yeah I know that part is weird, but that's not what I'm asking about, haha.
I've been dating this awesome person for about two and a half years, and we moved in together maybe a year and a half ago (so, about a year into the relationship). Because of this, my partner has settled into a more chill, semi-married stage where our lives are more centered around mundane things like doing chores, making dinner, etc. rather then making out and getting butterflies and going on dates.
I have no problem with that; in fact I love how comfortable we are with one another. However, I'm still super infatuated with my partner and we're not sure if that's normal. I still get shivers looking at them, and I feel my partner becomes more beautiful every day. I still want to impress them, and dress up nice, and buy them gifts, and do favors for them, whereas they feel no compulsion to do the same for me.
My partner has in fact expressed a little bit of guilt that they feel as though they're not doing enough, and that they take me for granted, but I don't feel that way at all. They are also afraid that maybe I like them more than they like me, and that I'm spoiling them. I'm pretty content with how things are, but the way my partner talks about it, I'm beginning to wonder if something's wrong with me or if I have an unhealthy attitude towards the relationship. | Is it abnormal/unhealthy that I still have a huge freaking crush on my partner, even though my partner's already transitioned into the chill, farting, dirty dishes, sweat pants stage of the relationship? |
t3_1m5ruh | relationships | Unsure about feelings towards now Ex-boyfriend. (17m) (17f) 1.5 years. | So he broke up with me last week after 1.5 years together. we were awesome for the first 6 months but then things started going downhill. for the past 6 months hes been verbally and emotional abusive towards me as well as neglecting me. there were major trust issues. then he always got upset at me for becoming more and more sensitive and crying all the time, however, the only reason i would cry is because he treated me so badly. Then i moved. we only lasted 2 months LD because his attitude towards me got worse... i was sworn at and degraded every time we talked. he would cancel skype dates to be with people in our home town, even when we did skype he was distant and i could tell he didnt want to be there.
**i was oblivious to the fact i was being abused.. i knew what he did wasn't right but i never would have said that i was an abused girlfriend.. it took a week after we broke up for me to realize it and also realize that i am happier without him.**
I finally threatened to break up with him because he wanted to smoke. Due to my own personal reasons i refused to be with someone who smoked. we talked a while after that and i decided that we could compromise and i wouldn't leave him (which i should have anyways, i now notice) but when i said i wouldn't he decided that he would. no talking about it, it was just happening.
it broke my heart. but like i said i now realize that i'm happier without being afraid of being yelled at. but i want to be his friend..im not sure if i should or if its normal, but besides being in a relationship he was my best friend too and i don't want to lose that.. but after how hes treated me? i just don't know what to do. | emotionaly and verbaly abused by ex but i still want to be his friend... is it normal? or should i just break off contact for good..*** |
t3_45td8h | relationships | Me [20 M] with my girlfriend [22 F] 1 Year 5 months, She has dressed up in vintage/retro clothes for valentines day except she looks ridiculous.. What do I do? | So my girlfriend over the past year has fell in love with vintage clothing and wears it from time to time, however recently she is spending huge amounts of clothing without asking for any opinions.
She's spending a lot on items that don't suit her and look very odd to say the least. I love her with all my heart but its something I don't like and much prefer it when she wears her fashionable modern clothes.
I know how much wearing this means to her but recently she has been pairing all this vintage stuff together and its looking ridiculous. A real shambles and she thinks she looks nice.
I know that this isn't just my thoughts as I've seen many people staring. She has just came into my room to show what she looked like and I put on a brave face for it but I think she looks so silly in it and its almost embarrassing, we are off to a restaurant soon and I'm scared to be seen with her. Her outfit comprises of a long dress that has stitched in Japanese style flowers, white and black shoes, really round hipster glasses, her hair done half up like princess Leia and her fringe curled so much its gone wavy and looks very weird.
I don't want to sound/feel like an asshole but what do I do in this situation? How do I tell her how I feel without breaking her heart.. She keeps spending despite my efforts to stop her. | Girlfriend is dressing in very odd clothes more frequently that make her look incredibly silly to myself and others around her. Any advice on how to break it to her? I can tell she isn't confident in this style. |
t3_1yvz50 | tifu | TIFU by leaving my friend outside a Mcdonalds at 4AM. | Last night, me and some friends went out for drinks. The night started out good, until the point I stopped to remember. I blacked out after my fourth drink, and literally remember zero. Come to wake up this morning and my friend tells me that at some point last night, me and my boyfriend decide to go home and take one of our friends too. I, passed out in the front seat do not remember anything, my boyfriend apparently got the munchies and asked my friend if she wants to get him a cheese burger at a nearby Mcdonalds. Now apparently we were driving through a really bad neighborhood at the time, and when she went out to get the food, we just drove off. There is no reason why we did, but we left her there stranded at 4AM. She called him ten minutes later yelling at him to come back and get here, to which my boyfriend responds," OK.." and just continues to drive home. She had to take a taxi home. | My boyfriend dropped my friend off to buy him a cheeseburger at 4AM and just drove off leaving her there. |
t3_3885vx | relationships | My [30/F] boyfriend [25/M] just told me that I do too much and its making him uncomfortable, what does he mean by that? | We've been dating for a few months , and during our relationship I would do things for him (cook, clean, buy things that is needed for his place, etc. ).
I am a mechanic and I also go to school for it. I offered him to get his A/C fixed at my school for almost free (about 20 bucks). I told him that I will pay for the belt since I get a discount. He then tells me that, "I do too much and it makes me uncomfortable. "
He told me before that he appreciates what I do and that he's never been treated this way before. He didn't seemed bothered by it but now I think he wasn't telling me the complete truth. I just want some feedback from other men so I can understand from his point of view of why he would feel this way. | My [30/F] boyfriend [25/M] just told me that I do too much and its making him uncomfortable, what does he mean by that? |
t3_2igm6w | relationships | M(38) her F(36) - Is this Normal? I need advice. | Is it normall for a Girlfriend to expect u to msg her @ work even if she can't get the msg's till a break or off work.
Some backround:
I stayed with her after this.. even moved in together again. The other day i was off work and stayed home and gamed. My girlfriend expects me to send her msg's even if she isn't able to respond. IE working. She gets upset that i couldn't msg her to say something.. like i love u .. or thinking of u etc, inbetween games. So when i pick her up from work that day her mood is easy to see that shes pissed.
So then i ask her.. on the hope that maybe she just had a bad day @ work.. but no.. its me thats shes miffed @.
I do give her alot of my time.. at least 90percent or we have alot of issues.. but when i want to have that 10percent to my self ... it has to involve her somehow.
Is this normal? These feelings are making not want to be with her.
Any Advice you guys can give would be greatly appreciated.. Im just so lost.. | Is it normal for Girlfriend to need to be messgaged when shes @ work and can't recive / send text msg's. |
t3_4dsh4p | relationships | Me [26F] with my [00 M/F] I fall in love the first time I meet people | Hi everyone,
Made a throwaway because I don't want anyone to know this about me.
Okay, so my problem is that I have fallen in "love" with random people (THE FIRST TIME I MEET THEM) my entire life. It's not exactly love but more infatuation with people and it's making me rethink my relationship. So the scenario is that I was working with someone and I don't want to go into too much detail but they were my client and I had to work with them last Thursday and then again today. When I first met him he was sarcastic, funny handsome and a complete wreck (Again, I don't want to go into it but my field is in mental health). Tthen he was very upset (this is quite usual in my field) and I found myself gravitating towards him and really concerned and I'm not sure how else to explain it but I felt we were connected in some way. I would never risk my career or my relationship but it's making me worried that I have crushes on random people and they feel intense. I feel sad when I have to leave because I know I will never see them again.
Anyway, I wanted to know if anyone else has ever felt like this? And if you did what did you do to stop it? | I have crazy crushes on guys I just meet and I'm in a relationship. Wtf is wrong with me? |
t3_1t0xzu | relationships | My (25/M) meth head neighbor (50ish/M) grabbed my wife (25/F) while he was tweaked out so I threw him into the ground. | I live in an apartment complex and one of my neighbors is always smoking meth (he does it openly in the parking lot) and tweaking out.
It snowed a couple days ago so my wife and I were brushing snow off of her car to go to the store. The guy came out of the house fully strung out and started yelling unintelligibly at us. Then he came right up to us and asked us if we were the ones that made it icy in the parking lot. That question obviously doesn't even make sense. He then grabbed my wife and pushed her against the car. I saw red, and grabbed him off and threw him into the ground. I stood over him and told him that if he ever did that again, we would have serious fucking problems. The guy ran to his car and took off. My wife was ok, just shaken up.
I called the police and the officer said that he would need the other guy's side of the story as well and they would be in touch.
I don't really know what my question is, I have just never been so angry in my life. I had also never physically assaulted anyone before. I'm just nervous the other guy is gonna make up some BS. I'm also nervous that perhaps I overreacted. I don't really get involved with physical altercations, but I feel like he left me no choice. | Strung out meth head grabbed my wife, I pushed him into the ground. Worried he's gonna make up BS to the cops. |
t3_1vjxbn | relationships | Me [20M] with my Girlfriend [20F] of 1 year, I'm not sure how I feel. | Ok so I met this girl online, we chatted for awhile and eventually decided to try a LDR. This was all probably my fault considering I'm really bad at being honest because I don't wanna hurt people's feelings.
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We've been together for a year now and we take 10 hour bus rides to visit each other now and then. Everything is great mostly, amazing sex, we always have fun together, she has a great personality and she is very pretty. We click on a lot of levels.
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What gets me is I'm still not sure for some reason, she's made it clear that she is 100% committed to me and wants to spend her life with me and I believe her. I told her I felt the same. Sometimes I'm not sure though.
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We broke up once and it absolutely destroyed her, she's a habitual cutter and she told me she almost killed herself before we got back together and to this day she sometimes breaks into tears over how bad our split hurt her.
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The other problem is that she and I have been working on my sex addiction and I'm afraid that I'm going to cheat on her. My emotions are a mess and I don't know what I want. If I leave her though I'm afraid she's going to hurt herself or completely sink into depression again. | I can't leave because I fear for her safety. Plus I'm not sure if I want to leave at all. HELP? |
t3_1hcdmb | relationship_advice | I (24/m) fucked up, and may have ruined an amazing relationship with my SO (24/f). | Some background info: My SO and I have been dating for 4 years. The overwhelming majority of that has been long distance. First she was off at school, then she graduated and I ended up transferring to a 4 year university to finish up my bachelor's. Now I'm in between my apartment in the city I went to school in, and my parents' place back home. She lives and works back home.
Lately I've developed some pretty bad anxiety, and I've changed as a result. She's been very understanding and supportive, but lately I've been too distant. We've had arguments about what I need to change several times, and every time I'd make small changes and think it was enough. Well, this most recent time, she texted (she was at work while we were arguing, dick move on my part I know) "we have this argument every week, I seriously can't do this anymore" and I texted without thinking "well, what's the endgame here?" That text may have ruined my relationship. I met her after work to make amends, but she said that she thinks we need to take a break for a couple weeks. She mainly wants me to evaluate things and really see if I'm willing to put in the effort to make the necessary changes.
I'm fucking distraught. It's been a day and a half, and I just go back and forth from feeling sick to just sobbing. All I want in the world is to have her back, and I know now that I'm willing to do whatever it takes to save our relationship. I'm just really worried it might be too late. I know she wants space, so I don't want to just barrage her with my feelings, but I seriously have noone else in my life that I'm close enough with to talk to comfortably about stuff like this. She's everything to me, and I don't know how to tell her that without making her feel "smothered" and pushing her even further away. Can anybody give me any advice? Sorry this post is so long. | I fucked up during an argument, SO wants to take a break. I'm super sad and just want her back, but don't know how to go about it without making things worse than they already are. |
t3_4p79p1 | askwomenadvice | Guy here, should I stop or keep trying? | I've been dating this girl for about two weeks now, we text and gone out on two dates; we seem to get along really well. I've made my intentions as clear as possible from day one (we meet on Tinder ffs), and I have been advancing as fast as I can: I grabbed her hand and tried to kiss her etc.
Before we parted ways on our last date, she kept staring at me quietly, like she wanted to say something but couldn't work the courage to do so. I texted her asking what it was, she told me she was enfatuated with a guy that she has been talking over the phone (I don't know how long), and that he doesn't live here but she feels a deep connection with him and she is just waiting to meet him (I don't know when).
Normally, I would've dumped her already, the reason why I ask should I stop there or keep trying is becasuse I date a fair amount of women; but I rarely like them, like actually think of them during the day. This occurrs to me with this particular girl, what would /r/askwomen advice me to do? ...I only have today to decide, thanks for your help in advance. | Girl I am dating likes some dude she has never met, I don't know if I should drop it because I really like her. |
t3_3tqo2x | relationships | Me [20f] with my roommate [22f]. My roommate steals my nice clothes from my room, how can I handle this situation? | I moved in this fall with two new roommates. They lived together the year before and the same roommate who is now stealing from me did the same thing to the third roommate all last year.
The offending roommate has an adderall addiction that makes her extremely paranoid and aggressive, and whenever I confront her she screams, deflects, curses and generally loses all pretense of sanity. Confronting her seems to just make the problem worse.
Before anyone asks, I can't just lock my door because I have a dog that lives with me who can't sit in my room all day.
At this point I don't feel okay being at home being in the presence of this clearly manipulative and possibly psychotic roommate. How can I deal with this situation? What relevant authorities can I contact to ensure that I don't have to live with a thief? | My crazy roommate keeps entering my room and stealing my clothes and pretending she doesn't do it. What do I do? |
t3_1wesu9 | relationships | I (23/F) want to thank a friend (29/M). | I hit rock bottom when my boyfriend and I split up. There were also a lot of other things going on in my life and I was severely depressed.
Matt is the older brother of someone I knew in high school. He has never hidden the fact that he wanted to hook up with me and I can't say the thought hasn't crossed my mind once or twice. Matt is also up front about the fact that he doesn't want a relationship with anyone. One night stands and FWB things are all he gets involved in.
Matt doesn't realize that he got me through one of the worst times in my life. I asked him to come out for a drink with me. Honestly, I don't know what I was actually planning. But he knew I was going through a tough time and didn't want to hurt me by trying to take advantage of the situation. I don't know if he meant them or not, but there were a lot of things he said that night that really stuck with me and got me to re-evaluate my situation and my life. It took a while, but I was able to get out of my rut largely due to him and the things he said.
I want to take the guy out for a drink and just say "thank you". Problem is....part of me is afraid that this would lead to us in bed together. The other part of me is hoping that this would lead to us in bed together. Not because I want a relationship with the guy, but because maybe a just-for-fun fling may not be so bad. I'm just afraid to lose a friend if a FWB relationship goes south. | Friend was there when I needed one most. Things are better now. He wants to fool around. I'm considering it. |
t3_hbjcr | AskReddit | My little cousin needs a minecraft server/project ... | I'm somewhat of a lurker here and don't post/comment often due to previous bad experiences (downvotes), but I'm looking for some help/advice.
I recently found out that my 13 year old cousin is an avid minecraft player. He reminds me of myself at his age in a lot of ways, and it somewhat worries me. When I was his age I had no friends, was the recipient of a lot of taunting and malice from my peers, and built up a lot of pent-up agression because of this. I didn't really have an outlet for my frustration and it messed me up for a lot of years. I'm currently trying to establish a relationship with him where he can talk to me about whats going on in his life, but that's another story. Given my conversations with him, it seems that he doesn't really have any solid friends. The only friends he has talked about are the kids at his school who he plays minecraft with. Recently, they've accused him of damaging things on the server and have kicked him off of it. He says that he didn't destroy anything, and I don't think he would have a reason to lie to me since he's pretty honest about everything else. So now, he has no one to play with and his 'friends' have somewhat ostracized him at school. He has tried pleading his innocence but it seems that his friends aren't receptive to any of it. I feel bad for him because I know what it feels like to be alone, and interacting with people online is his only source of comfort. I thought it'd be really cool if I could find some people on reddit who would let him work on their server; it'd give him some sort of community outside of his school, and if he was working on a really cool project like some sort of megaobject it'd give him something to be proud of. | 13 year old cousin was kicked off his friend's minecraft server, he needs a new place/people to build with. |
t3_46c6sa | relationships | I (21f) am developing feelings for my friend (18m), but not sure how to deal with the age difference. | Hi r/relationships, i'll try to keep this as short and simple as possible.
Around 8-9 months ago, I met "Tony". We became fast friends, and discovered we had alot in common. He quickly became part of my friendship group, and my friends all think he's great. We do alot of activities such as hiking, so we spend alot of time together and always end up having fun.
Alot of my friends say "we would be cute together", and that "we would make a good couple", which is true, we probably would, but I have a mental block over the age difference.
I know it's not a vast age difference, and on paper it seems like nothing, but then when I think about our differences through age, it seems so massive. I go to university, he goes to 6th form (the 2 years between finishing school and starting university). I live alone, he still lives with his parents- which doesn't bother me, but still makes the age difference very apparent.
But the biggest thing, he has never had a girlfriend. Never had his first kiss, and so on. But, I am quite "experienced", to put it bluntly. He knows about this, as it's a running joke between our friendship group. It doesn't bother me AT ALL that he's inexperienced, I find it quite endearing. It just bothers me that it might bother him. I don't want my past to effect his opinion on me, as it is the past.
I'm finding myself falling for him, and when we spend time together, it seems like we were made for each other. But then when we're apart, it's like he completely forgets I exsist. I don't know how he feels about me, and I don't know if his lack of experience is stopping him, just like our age difference is stopping me.
I'm sorry it's long and rambly, but I have no idea what to do. | falling for my friend, age difference is preventing me from making a move. Don't know how to get past it. |
t3_okj1d | AskReddit | Whats your "I almost died" story? I'll start. | When I was around 12-14 me and a couple friends were playing around in a house that was being built. It was winter and there was a couple inches of snow on the ground. We were on the first floor, but the house was on a hill so there was a second story window in the kitchen. We were throwing these two foot metal spikes tied to string we found down from the window, trying to spear cardboard that was in a pile of construction garbage. We didn't know that we were standing on a sheet of plywood. When I went to "cast" my line out, the plywood slipped out from under me and my upper half is now hanging out of the window, feet in the air. I'm starting to fall down onto the pile of nails, metal, and random unknown (but very hard) garbage. As i'm starting to fall my friend grabs my feet and slams me back down to the ground(Picture a teeter-totter). If he did not catch me I would have fallen head first about 15 feet into a pile of hurt. That is my "I almost died" story. What about yours?? | Almost fell out of mid-construction house's second story window into a pile of nails, wood, and other hurt. Friend saved me. |
t3_29jdd5 | relationships | Me [26 M] with my boyfriend [30 M] 1.5 years, broke-up, realized it was emotionally abusive relationship, worried of backlash | I broke up with my boyfriend of a year and a half at Christmas time. While we were dating, I thought it was a good relationship. We'd go on trips together, he helped me get back into school, we moved out together ... but in hindsight, I realize that all I was doing was absorbing his world, and whenever I'd express autonomy or want to do my own thing, he'd pull away very harshly, threaten to leave me and make me feel like shit.
He was very prone to mood swings and needed a lot of emotional support, but provide me with no emotional support and belittle me when I needed it.
Anyway, we broke up 6 months ago and I've gone no-contact. I really want to heal, but the problem is that I am now working in the same field as him and for his old company. I work with a lot of people he introduced me to when he used to work for this company, and it feels HORRIBLE to see them every day. I absolutely HATE going to work, even though I actually like the work that I do. I'm going back to school in September so I will no longer be working there by that time, and I am just trying as hard as I can to make it through the summer. I never want to see him again but being in this environment makes me feel so weak - I feel like I'm going to break and contact him, but I know that will not work out well. Please help me stay strong. | Broke up with narcissistic emotionally abusive boyfriend, got job at his old company and am surrounded by his enablers, I feel like shit in this environment. |
t3_35mbhj | relationships | Should I [28M] attempt to contact my [26F] Ex? | I posted here several months ago regarding my relationship and the fights we've been having, the advice was appreciated but ultimately to late to save the relationship. We broke up 2 days before Christmas, strangely we agreed to continue working at it - but she changed her mind between her couch and front door.
We come from very different backgrounds but I always believed that in relationships it's to the benefit of both parties to differ and try things one or the other wouldn't normally do.
All that aside, she said she didn't want to hear from me so that we can get over it quicker - she said from the beginning that she was doing this so I could be happy (therein lies the problem). I'm absolutely miserable, I've managed to control myself around my friends and family so they don't know how badly I'm handling it. I know consciously that it's probably to both our benefit to handle it in the adult manner and never see each other again but I still love her and miss her every day. Everything I do - in the back of mind I'm thinking would she like it, would she enjoy this, would this have been the clincher to prove how I feel?
This is likely coming across whiny and I apologize, but I don't know how to process how I'm feeling - I still harbour feelings for her and I'm convinced if I can show her how well I'm doing (she always took issue with my lack of confidence and self-esteem) and how well I'm doing with my career that maybe she'll re-evaluate her opinion of me.
Even as I type this I realize how crazy it sounds... I just need to put this thought somewhere. | Girlfriend and I broke up, supposedly for my benefit, can't stop thinking about her. Should I try and talk to her? |
t3_1yg8h8 | needadvice | My brother gave his girlfriend a key to our apartment and now she feels entitled to hang out in the apartment even when he's not here. How do I handle this situation delicately? | I moved in with my brother and one of our mutual friends to save money about a year ago, at which point I didn't mind his girlfriend at all. As time went on, I saw how she demanded him to do *everything* for her and she did nothing for him in return. I can't even look at her anymore, it makes me sick. I stay out of it, though, because my brother loves her and I don't want to put a strain on my relationship with him. As time has gone on, it has made me think less of my brother and my hate for her has continued to grow. It's an extremely toxic situation that has given me more anxiety than I can handle.
For Valentine's day, my brother gave her a key to our apartment. She has been using it daily and just hanging out in our apartment, like she lives here too. My brother is going to graduate school an hour and a half away and lives there during the week and here on the weekends (and drives back one night a week to see his girlfriend). She watches tv, leaves all the lights on, takes showers, takes whatever she wants out of the fridge and just generally feels entitled to this space. I am not ok with paying for her to lounge around in my apartment when she is perfectly capable of doing so in her own. It's especially frustrating knowing that my brother won't be home for days.
I woke up this morning to her shit scattered about (her laptop, bags, papers she's grading) and all of the lights on in the house and I just broke down crying. I don't know what to do. My brother refuses to acknowledge that his girlfriend and I don't speak, to avoid confrontation with us, and it makes dealing with this situation very, very difficult. He's extremely sensitive toward criticism about his girlfriend because she is constantly worried and insecure that people hate her.
How do I delicately handle this situation without hurting anyone's feelings? I'd love to tell his girlfriend that I don't appreciate her being here, but she will cry to my brother about it and I'll be ostracized from his life even more. | my brother's horrible girlfriend was given a key to our apartment and has taken advantage of it. How do I get her to leave without straining my relationship with my brother even more? |
t3_4vflu4 | relationships | Should I [22 F] keep trying with him [25 M]? Just dating for 2 months | So I've been dating a sailor for like 2 months now and we get along great he's a nice guy I see potential. Right now he is on leave back in his hometown for I don't know how long… He asked me to come along but I couldn't because of work. He is back home trying to see his daughter in which he hasn't seen in a year or so because the mother is keeping her away. It's a very messy situation he had to get lawyers set up and everything. The problem is before he left we talked just about everyday texting and calling was very mutual… However, every since he got there I don't hear from him unless I reach out to him first and it's getting frustrating because I feel like I'm being annoying so it's making me not even want to deal with him. I just feel like if a guy is interested and wants to talk to you he will… No matter the circumstance I mean the guy is freaking active on social media. I do like him and I've been trying to give him the benefit of doubt but I just don't know if I want to continue trying any longer. | I reach out to him more and he seems distant when we talk should I continue to try because of the circumstances or just give up? |
t3_3oh5hs | relationships | Me [24 F] with my SO [27 M] of 4 months, Won't go to dinner with my parents | My 24th birthday is this Sunday, and my parents wanted to take me out to a nice dinner. They extended the invite to my BF, who I invited a few days ago. He said "Woah, I will have to think about it. Do you want me there?" I said, "Of course I want you there, I'd love for you to be there."
A little background - My BF and I live together, but we started out as just roommates. We started dating about a month into living together. We are now moving out to separate apartments to have a more normal early relationship experience.
Back to the dinner dilemma. He didn't mention it at all over the next 72 hours, so I had to pull the trigger and ask what was up. I texted him today from work and told him he didn't have to come if it made him feel uncomfortable, it was never my intention to force him to eat dinner with us.
He said :
"It's not like you made me uncomfortable. It's just kind of strange because we're dating and living together. Then to add meeting the parents is a lot for me. After the move things will be a little more normal and then I would definitely like to have dinner with the rents."
I do understand that meeting parents is scary for some people, I've just never had that experience. And, he already knows my parents. He's met them several times, just not in an official dinner capacity. I guess I'm just hurt that he knew for the past three days that he really didn't want to go to my birthday dinner, and he didn't tell me until I reminded him.
And it is my birthday, I wanted to spend it with my favorite people, BF and parents. My parents also now know that he has rejected the invitation and doesn't want to be there with me on my birthday, so now they aren't the biggest fans of him, which is something I didn't want to happen.
Feelings are kind of hurt, amy I overreacting? I feel like I might be, but it doesn't change the little pit in my stomach. | Boyfriend feels uncomfortable going to birthday dinner with me and my parents, am I totally crazy for my feelings being hurt? |
t3_4hkcao | college | Am I taking the right course of action regarding college? | When I graduated High School I did not know what to study. My family had no money saved and I didn't want to take out loans and have debt for something I wasn't sure of. I was also uneducated on scholarships, grants, etc and how to apply for them. A lot of factors led me to not pursue higher education so I joined the military.
After a few years in and a deployment I'm 23 and at a place where I can start college. I know online for-profit programs are not optimal. But I am interested in International Relations and American Military University(AMU) offers this course as a bachelors.
I have multiple goals/plans when for I decide to get out of the military. With my experience/education I'd like to find a government job, work for a non-profit, or teach english in a foreign country(something I REALLY would like to do as a career).
I want to study IR because it's something I'm interested in. AMU probably isn't the optimal choice but its the best option I have right now. I'm 23 and would like to have a degree before 30. Any advice would be appreciated. | I joined the military out of high school. After a few years in and a deployment I want to start college at 23 considering AMU. |
t3_1ehusp | AskReddit | Moral dilemma... Is asking for monetary help on reddit shunned or unclassy? | I have a friend...well, more of a father figure, that has saved my life in my struggle with addiction. For two years he's been there. Prior to walking into a 12 step meeting, I never knew him.
To put it mildy, I love this man.
We buried his daughter almost two years because of an overdose.
(She never made it to a rehab)
Every week he spends time at her gravesite. The first 6 months it took him a minute to find her because she has no gravestone or even a marker.
I...well, WE want to get him something for her. The cheapest option is $1800.
We've come up with $400.
Is setting up a Paypal or a website to ask for donations worth it?
Will I get shunned to the depths of reddit hell?
How do I even do this? | Is asking for donations on reddit allowed or considered ok?(A man who is like a father, visits his daughters unmarked grave and I want to change that.) |
t3_3wo9jq | relationships | Me [25 M] with my GF [25 F] of 7 years, are having trust issues | GF and I are having trust issues. I'm not sure what I can do to be more trustworthy. I send snapchats to prove I am where I say I am, usually just work and home though. Rarely with friends without GF around. I am open and text constantly about whereabouts.
GF has started to claim I am interested in other women and it couldn't be further from the truth. How can I make her realize this aside from the comments I already make about her being beautiful ect..?
We broke up for a year when we were both 23 and lived in separate cities, but then she relocated for a job to my city and we live together again. I think the breakup before is a large part of the mistrust (I initiated the breakup). Breakup reasons were, moving and wasn't sure I wanted marriage with this girl.
Since she has relocated to my city we have had constant trust battles. There are 3 big events that she sees as violations of her trust.
1. At a bar with large group of friends, she saw a girl I was talking to twirl the promise ring I was wearing on my finger while we were having drunk conversation. (this is considered cheating in her eyes, and caused a momentary breakup for a few nights)
2. I invited a mutual friend of ours to swing by our place and pick up something I had of hers. I met her in the parking lot of apartment, but my GF wasn't there. This is considered very sketchy to my gf. Although I told her a day in advance and text her 30 min before the mutual friend was due to arrive.
3. At a bar with friends and when she walked away to use the restroom, a girl took her seat next to me while I talked to another guy and hardly noticed. When she returned the seating arrangement returned to normal with GF next to me. I didn't say a word to other girl while GF was gone in bathroom.
These events are huge deals to my GF but to me don't seem too bad and have been blown way out of proportion. Are they huge deals? Have I been unfaithful in these events? Or are these "runaway" signs and I need to GTFO? | GF doesn't trust me and blows what I consider to be small events with other girls to be huge issues. How can I regain her trust? |
t3_p6vzt | AskReddit | Which pen to buy a friend as a 21st birthday gift, and what to get engraved on it?! (Parker / Fountain pen) | My best friend is turning 21 soon so I wanted to buy them a really nice pen as its something they've always talked about wanting.
We quite often glance into the Parker Pen displays at stationary shops and the ones that she always seems to look at are the fountain pens, so that is what I'm expecting to buy. However I wanted some advice from people that have hopefully used them to suggest the best style and possibly a different brand if it would be better suited for someone that, to my knowledge has never used one. I'm prepared to pay up to/around the us$200 mark on the pen itself .
She is also left handed, and from what i understand this can be troublesome for some fountain pens? So any suggestions there would be appreciated. And while its not a fountain pen, I had looked at the Parker Ingenuity series, but reviews seem to be all over the place, so any suggestions on that would be appreciated also.
As for part 2 of the question.. What is something nice to get engraved on the pen/cap ?
It's her 21st and she's going back to university, she's my best friend and I love her to bits.. Should I just be boring and engrave something like her name / initials or leave a personal message from me? From what I've seen I can fit up to two lines of 25 characters on most pens, so suggestions are welcome.. I'm so lost when it comes to thinking about this :D | What fountain pen (or similar) should I buy for a friends 21st birthday, and what should i get engraved on it. With ~$200 price limit. |
t3_4m75ku | loseit | So what do you deal with that one person in your life? | You know the one I'm talking about. They are supportive of you losing weight, but try to push their pseudoscience diet (that isn't working for the 5 pounds they're trying lose) on you, don't listen when you say "I want to support you, but that doesn't sound like something I'll be trying," and are highly skeptical of every change or goal you make.
For me it's my mother. And she's got some crazy new diet, with a list of good foods and bad foods (and it might work, but she completely ignores the caloric content of what she's eating). She's in that stage where she's got some new information (reliable or not, I can't say) and is now saying that *every* problem, physical or mental, is probably caused by an unknown food sensitivity that is giving you inflammation and will lead to cancer. So that's annoying.
She's really awesome about celebrating victories with me (I'm having an awesome first week of weight loss!) but she's so negative about my goal! And 150 isn't a hard number (if I like how my body looks at 160, that would be great!!!) but it is in the healthy range of BMI (I know that that's an unreliable number, but it's something to work toward -- I've got almost 200 to lose, so I'm not stressing over the end goal right now!). 150 is at the upper end of healthy for my height, but I come from a solidly built family. And my mom, whenever it comes up, tells me that it sounds unhealthy and I'll be rail-thin, and I'm just thinking why is she so committed to the idea that I can't go below 160 without turning into a skeleton? | My mom wants me to lose weight, but won't wait and see how it works for me when I get closer to being healthy. And really likes fad diets. I really like parentheses. |
t3_4367ek | relationships | [Work] Want to put an end to a situation | So I live about 45 minutes away from work in the Toronto suburbs and a colleague of mine with the same shift as me was looking for a place so I told her about my next door neighbor who was renting his townhouse out. Fast forward a few months and she's now my neighbor and rides with me in the morning since her and her bf only have one car and he uses it. She pays me for gas.
Well turns out this colleague has the biggest mouth and loves gossiping about people at work and talking behind their backs. She has made me extremely uncomfortable too many times. We've had a few arguments over the last couple months because of it and i feel like the time spent with her after we clock out is too much. It always has to do with the stuff she tells me during carpool. She is a passive aggressive person and it's never her fault, she's always a victim and you're always crazy for confronting her with stuff that is bothering you.
So yea. I do not like this person. I do not trust this person. Whenever I was absent from work she would just take the bus (about an hour). On the other hand, we live pretty far from work, work the same hours and live right next to each other which will make things pretty uncomfortable at the beginning when we both walk into work. | How would you end this carpool and how would you deal with the aftermath? What would you tell others about why you're not carpooling anymore? |
t3_552z05 | relationship_advice | Just received a call from where my ex is currently living, should I text back and ask who it is? | Ok so I made the absolutely awful decision of breaking up with what I believe is the love of my life almost 3 years ago. We were in a long distance relationship for over 2 years (after being together for 9 months) and it just got really hard I guess.
Anyway, I just got a call from the city he lives in now, but I didn't realize I was getting a call until after they'd hung up. They didn't leave a message.
I occasionally look at his Facebook because i can and I saw that he got a new phone not too long ago.
So as stated in my question, should I text the number and ask who it is? | got a call from where my ex (who I still love after 3 years) lives now. Should I text and see if it's him? |
t3_1dal56 | relationships | 30[M] in a long, passion-less relationship but still love her[30] very much, not sure whether to fight for it or cut my loss | We're both 30, met in college, 10 years straight. First and only relationship for both of us.
The first few years were great. Lately (~3 years) the passion has totally gone. Haven't had sex in more than a year.
I [M] love her very much and I believe it's mutual. She is my best friend, we have tons of history together, lots of mutual friends and interests and everything up to the passion / physical relations thing is great.
She is fine with the lack of intimacy, I am not, and it took me too long to tell her that.
We've been to couples therapy for a few months now and that got us to talk a lot about our issues, which is great. It seems to me as if we've gotten to a point where our options are:
* 1. Work on our (mostly hers? I'm not sure) physical issues, but both of us are afraid that ship has sailed.
* 2. Break up, which terrifies the hell out of me. Having spent all my adult life with her and still loving her deeply, I have no idea how to comprehend not being with her. It's also difficult because I don't hate or resent her in any way.
* 3. Continue as is until it really gets unbearable, I guess.
We've discussed these options but haven't reached anything close to a decision yet and still going to therapy.
Which option do you think we should try, and/or how long until it's time to give up? | 30M in a long, passion-less relationship but still love her very much, not sure whether to fight for it or cut my loss |
t3_hbgsg | AskReddit | Advice about how to proceed. | Before I begin, I ask for mercy and guidance instead of condemnation. I feel wretched about what I am about to describe and am not looking to rationalize it.
Freshman year I contracted HSV-1 from a lady friend. It really undermined my self-confidence and self-image and I pretty much gave up on the idea someone would ever care for me. Since then, I have turned down multiple opportunities to have relations because I don't feel good about wagering my night of pleasure against the well-being of another.
The other night I was hanging out with an ex-girlfriend. I've had my hook ups and fuck buddies in the past, but she is the only one I have had strong feelings for and dated. We both have perscriptions for various narcotics and were sharing them. The last time I saw her I told her my mental health has been poor and this most recent time she was telling me about a couple obstacles she has been facing. I told her I had herpes in order to console her and show that everyone has their struggles. Anyways, shortly after I was getting ready to go sleep on the couch and she told me she really cared for me and to stay. In the moment I thought we were getting back together because so I wasn't worried about not using protection becasue I thought over the long run it would be spread anyways. She is one of two people I think I have actually loved in my life. The next day we woke up and were acting like a couple. We went and got breakfast, snuggled in bed, and were being very affectionate. Then later in the day she essentially told me she had an on and off again boyfriend and implicity said she was leaning towards him. It took me a really long time to process but I think she must not have processed the fact I told her I had herpes even though we conversed about it.
I do not know what to do. I want to tell her in the name of honesty, but I have been reading that as it is asymptomatic, the odds of transmission are under 10%. I talked to the whore who gave me herpes and she said not even to worry about it, which I know is untrue, so I come to you fellow redditors. | Had a sexual encounter after two years of abstinence due to desire to not spread herpes, feel like a monster, not even sure what I am hoping to hear. |
t3_3jpiuk | tifu | TIFU By opening runescape and mistaking the music for a jihad. | This just happened about an hour ago and I still feel like a giant dick for waking everyone up.
Anyway, I was browsing reddit and happened upon some runescape wallpaper and started to feel nostalgic so i got runescape again and I opened up the client. It started to load so began browsing reddit again and forgot about it. All of the sudden I hear that weird arabic music you see in the movies. This shit: ...
So I start freaking the fuck out. It is late and I was/am tired so I start imagining isis members walking down my street. I wake everyone up and tell them something weird is going on. My heart is racing! "Listen! Do you hear the music??" Them " No..."
I tell them what happened and my dad being ex-military uses this as an excuse to grab his guns. We are now on high alert! No going by the windows, turn out lights, ect. I got to my room to check my computer to look for clues as to what the fuck is going on.
It was at that moment I knew I fucked up. I hear the music playing again. It is the runescape launcher music. I had my volume down really low, so it sounded weird.
I still haven't told my family. They are gonna think I am crazy... | Opened runescape client and the music sounded like weird arabic singing(I didn't know it was coming from the computer). Proceeded to put family on high alert...haven't told them it was a false alarm yet. |
t3_34cb5r | relationships | Me [20 M] with my friend [20 F] I love her but also I'm afraid to ask.. | So about 1 year ago i met nice girl on internet chat. We were talking long hours (like 4-9 hours everyday!!), laughing.. We are listening to the same type of music, We like the same films, We think about the same things at the same time (which is kinda cool!), but the first problem is that she lives about 200 km from my place(124 miles)!
After 12 months of chatting we finally met in rl life (it was 11 april this year)! It was so fantastic that... I couldnt talk to her at all ;( Idk why, but I started to be very veeeery shy and stuttering. After 7 hours of walking/ sitting in the park/ city she had to go home, because her parents wanted to talk with her about something (I have no idea what they were talking about).
So after our first met We continued to chat online (nothing has really changed) but.. egh I really started to love her! She is like.. the girl from my dreams, but I have no idea what she is thinking about me. I feel really bad for acting this stupid way on our first "date". I think that I would do everything for her, but.. I don't know if she would accept me...
What should i do? Should I ask her if we can be together or if she loves me? What should I do? :(
Sorry for my bad english. I hope it is readable! | I met online love after 12 months of chatting, but I failed at our first "date" :/ I'm not sure if I should ask her about being together or just forget about her? |
t3_1klcio | relationships | I[17F] am sick of my brother[20M] getting the scent of weed all over our apartment. How do I get him to stop? | My brother picked up smoking weed a couple months ago. At first, he only smoked at a friend's house because his friend gave him weed. As soon as he got a job, though, he started buying his own and smoking it in the house.
At first, he would just go ahead and smoke in the living room while I was asleep or whatever, and I'd wake up in the middle of the night with my room reeking of weed. It was disgusting and I complained to my mom about it. She told him if he wanted to smoke, he could do it on our porch.
Our porch is connected to our apartment in a weird way. [The door to the porch is in the bathroom and there's windows to the porch in the kitchen.] The porch is closed in by walls, but there's windows that lead outside as well as windows facing the the kitchen. We occasionally open one of the windows that's in the kitchen that leads onto the porch because our cat likes to go out there.
When the window to the porch is shut, the porch smells like weed for 4~6 hours. Normally, I don't go out there - but since it's right next to the bathroom, you can smell weed. When it's open, my brother doesn't even bother to shut the window before smoking, letting the scent of it go into the house. My room usually smells like that shit for at least 3~4 hours, since I can't open my windows. I hate the smell of it and I'm pretty sure the scent is getting into my clothes. I'd hate to start off my senior year of high school with everyone thinking I smoke due to my clothes reeking like weed.
Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love my brother. But I'm sick of this crap and I need to find a way to make it end. I refuse to do anything that involves ratting him out to the cops, since I don't want to get him in trouble. | My brother's being inconsiderate by smoking and getting the smell of weed all over the stuff in our apartment. How do I get him to stop? |
t3_47w0ov | relationships | I [26/M] think I'm falling for my friend [25/F] but fear I'll never escape the friendzone... and it'd be long distance | A little backstory, I went to college with this girl and I've known her for about 4 years - she stayed in my hometown after college, I moved across the country to the east coast for work about 2.5 years ago. I live a few hour flight away, but I'm home every month or so - it wouldn't make a long distance relationship easy, but it'd hopefully help. I *do* have a plan to move back so a LDR would only be temporary - less than a year
We were always friends but for some reason something happened the past few times we've hung out and now I see her as a potential romantic interest. She's makes me laugh, she's smart, she can put a smile on my face, and we generally have a lot of fun together.
My question is, how do I break out of the friendzone without potentially wrecking our friendship if I get shot down? Is that even possible? Do I just go for it and see what happens? | in a friendzone, want to break out and start long distance (temporarily), what's the best way? |
t3_2j6tgq | relationship_advice | I [27/f] am my father's [64/m] dirty little secret. | My mother's parents raised me after she died shortly after childbirth (me). I am very close to my surviving grandmother, who is 94 years old and in good health.
I met my father when he moved back to my state: I was about 7 years old. He had been working abroad, but had sent money to help care for me. I still lived with my grandparents but saw my father often - we had become best friends. But somehow, things had turned sexual. He groomed me for years while I wrestled with my conscience. In the end, I kept quiet because I didn't know how my grandmother and I would survive without his financial support. And I also knew that he felt guilty over the sexual abuse, so he was obliged to make a large investment in my elite undergraduate education. He tried to rape me, again, the night before I left home for 4 years in New England. And again the following summer when I came home to visit. I still carry a lot of guilt.
In college, I was eager to define my own sexuality. I was interested in boys. And I felt the need to somehow break the hold my father had on me. I made up my mind, lost my virginity, then quickly became involved with the man who is now my husband (26/m). I've confided in only him about my past and he is supportive.
For career-related reasons, my husband and I moved (back) to my hometown after college. To cut a long story short, my father is now my landlord, my grandmother occupies the spare bedroom, and I am increasingly anxious about all the things that go unsaid between all of us. Oh, and what do I do about my father's legitimate children (2 older boys, whom I met for the first time when I moved back with my husband)? | should i confront my sexually abusive father and expose the dirty secret, which could have consequences not just for me but my husband, my beloved yet oblivious grandmother, and my half-brothers' families? |
t3_ilfna | AskReddit | What is the best *real* vigilante story you know of? | What is the best vigilante story you know of? I'm interested in hearing your stories where the law was taken into someone's own hands and some form of "justice" was dealt outside the law system. Remember to exercise caution with names and specifics.
To kick these off I'll share a personal story:
Back in 1970-something my friend's mother had a problem when walking home from junior high. A creepy man started following her, day after day, driving slowly beside her and propositioning her as she would walk home from school. She was about 12-13. This guy was in his 30's and was escalating sexual propositions.
After the third day this happened her family called the police. The police looked into the situation but for whatever reason felt there wasn't enough information to formally press any charges. One of the cops came to their house to explain the situation, and then took the girl's father aside and unofficially gave him the pervert's address because he believed the story was true but couldn't follow through with anything legally.
The aftermath was that the father went over and paid the man a visit with a tire iron. Only the father and the pervert know what happened that night, but the girl (now an older woman) claims that the this guy's car sat out on blocks (say mid oil-change or tune-up) for almost a year without being touched. The grass grew up around it and the house was obviously deserted for many, many months. Either the guy left town fearing for his life or... well, who knows. | Pervert harassed 12 year old girl, father likely beat pervert into near-coma (or worse) with tire iron, girl lived happily ever after. |
t3_2rbe5e | relationships | My Wife (25f) saw my (26m) Reddit saved items (Lots of NSFW stuff) and is furious | So, last night I was browsing Reddit on my phone and showed my wife a funny imgur image and went back to Reddit. I guess she was still looking at my screen when she saw the saved tab and asked me what that was. I tried to play it off and change the topic but she wouldn't budge. She wanted to see what was in there. To not further piss her off I handed over my phone and she began looking through my saved items. While lots of it was just funny YouTube videos and clever memes, there were a lot of incredibly good looking mostly naked women from subreddits like /RealGirls /Asstastic and other subreddits that were all extremely NSFW. She was asking me why I had all of these and I honestly didn't know what to tell her. We have been together for over a decade and married for 4 years. I've never cheated or even thought about it but she acts now as if I don't find her attractive since I have pictures and videos of other women saved. I'm not really sure how to remedy the situation or if it'll just eventually go away. I surely don't want her to think that she isn't attractive because she is gorgeous and we love each other very much but it doesn't help that she found these. What should I do? | Wife found naked images and videos of other women on my Reddit saved items and is very upset and believes I don't find her attractive anymore. |
t3_3bbebt | relationships | Me [30/F] with my husband [33/M] of 8 years. He asked me if I thought I had let myself go. | He has been on a diet and this morning he said, "I lost another pound!" I congratulated him and asked him how much that was total, great job, yada yada.
Then I told him about an article I just read about a girl trying to lose weight when her friend had confronted her and asked her if she had let herself go. I thought it was a silly/stupid article, and I was kinda rolling my eyes at it...because the author revealed that she had indeed gained 15 pounds and was 'fat and miserable' and I couldn't believe her friend would confront her over 15 lbs.
ANYWAY, he then said to me, "Do you think you've let yourself go?!"
***Cue awkward pause***
and I said, "Do you think I've let myself go?"
Then he quickly backtracked and said, "Oh I was just quoting the article...thats what her friend said, right?"
I said, "Why would you say that?"
and he said, "Uh...I was just wondering that myself. I didn't mean it. I mean, I've definitely let MYSELF go, don't you think?"
I didn't say anything after that.
So...does he think I've let myself go? Is that what that awkward conversation meant? Should I talk to him about this? I'm kinda pissed that he said anything...he KNOWS I know I'm overweight and already dieting, AND busting my ass at the gym AND seeing progress!...Should he have said anything? I'm feeling really insecure right now. | Hubby asked me if I thought I had let myself go, backtracked, now I feel insecure. How do I handle this? |
t3_3vpwxh | relationships | Me [19 M] How early should I mention deal breakers? | I'm picky when it comes to who I'm willing to date, and have quite a few deal breakers: drinking, smoking, drugs, promiscuity, mental disorders, etc...
One of the ones that might be unexpected is that I only want to date someone who is a virgin and saving themselves for marriage, I am too and its important to me. I guess this surprises many people so I feel that it's something I should make clear early on but I don't know how early I should so that I don't hurt anyone's feelings. How soon should I tell the other person. A week, two weeks? | I'm picky about deal breakers and only wanting someone who is waiting for marriage is one of them. How soon should I make it clear? |
t3_zjd2l | AskReddit | How do you promote your own content without being an intrusive, obnoxious, self-serving d*ck? | I've been working on a Youtube gaming channel (who hasn't?) and up to this point I've been trying to upload content that is of the highest quality that I'm capable of producing and let it represent itself. However, it's beginning to dawn on me that due to the over-saturation of gaming content in the market it's currently neigh on impossible to get even marginal attention through the masses of channels. I don't want massive popularity to monetize or make a living, I just enjoy making content about my passion, gaming. And ideally in the future combine it with my passion for helping other people.
Putting literal days worth of brainstorming, writing down notes, collecting footage, recording voice-over, editing, collecting more footage because the first was awful quality, and editing some more only to have it viewed by 11 people, no comments, then discarded into the depths of Youtube algorithm purgatory is genuinely disheartening.
I find posting on other videos or forums saying "Hey guys, come check out X I made!" unprofessional and self-indulgent. I've attempted networking, but immediately dismissed as soon as someone sees how few subs I have. Should I continue to produce content of the highest quality I'm capable of and hope someone will click on my videos? Or, how can I promote my content while still being (somewhat) professional, not intruding upon peoples business, or being obnoxious? | Can't network, spamming videos/forums with "Come check out X I made!" is unprofessional, almost no subs, how can I promote and get my channel out there without being intrusive or obnoxious? |
t3_2hu63w | relationships | I [23M] desperately want to leave my wife [26F] of 3 years but don't have the balls as it could mean leaving my daugher or hurting her [3]. | I don't want to get into the wall of text that has been my marriage and relationship with my wife, but I just need some perspective or advice or anything really. Basically I got married way too young, had a baby with someone I'm not in love with and it sucks. I love being a father and my wife is a great mother; but the fact remains that if we didn't have a child together, there is no way in hell I would still be with this woman. I know that if I got a divorce my wife would get our daughter since she's farther in her career than I am and she's an excellent mom. My daughter is the world to me and I never want to leave her but my wife is crushing my soul each and everyday that we're togehter. I don't know what to do. | So my question is if I can't stand my wife/marriage should I end it or stay to be there for my child who is the only person in the world I love and care about? |
t3_4tjlpl | relationships | [24 M] Could use some advice on how to help my best friend [21 F] through grieving while long distance? | I made a similar post on this not too long ago, but I could definitely still use some help. My best friend lost her grandfather and is currently grieving. I want to help her get through this process, but unfortunately, I'm in San Francisco whereas she's in Boston.
So far, I've been trying to do a daily check-in with her through Facebook, which is our main medium of contact in the first place. I've read up on a couple of things online on how to help a grieving person, but a lot of these options, such as giving hugs, helping with chores, and bringing them food isn't exactly applicable given how we're located. What are some things that I could do/ say given where I'm currently located, and perhaps what are some things that I shouldn't be doing? This is all very new to me. Traveling is unfortunately out of the question since I'm currently in school. I've been planning on making a phone call to talk to her, but I'm not too familiar with her schedule, and she just recently got a boyfriend that she's been trying to talk to regularly (who ironically, lives overseas). | Best friend is in grieving, but on the opposite end of the country. What are some things I can do/ say to help her from where I'm located, and what are some things that I should definitely avoid? |
t3_3i622n | relationships | girlfriend was previously only in interracial relationships | M(25) and gf is F(24). I'm gonna start with the fact that I personally don't care my girl dated other races. Well, I didn't until recently. We've been together for 2 years. Some time now and I've met the family and hung out with her brothers and cousins. Everyone's cool. No problems there. It's just that recently I've picked up that her father is absolutely not ok with his daughter dating outside of our race. And the problem that I'm having and it seriously seems to be getting to me, is that she used to date the race he particularly does not approve of. A few times actually. Well, a lot and only that kind are her exes. She hid it from her parents telling me she never told them that she had boyfriends because she had to focus on school and that her parents wouldn't let her have a boyfriend, regardless of race. Of course I believed her no reason not to. But now I know it just isn't ok by her family. So the question is, is she dating me only because her parents approve of me? Because I "look good on paper"? Does she actually want to date other races (one in particular because all of her exes were). I'm losing my mind. Is she with me just because her family approves? Deep down does she wish she could be with another kind? Am I just a peon? I felt so strong before, like a man. I stood up tall. Now I think I'm just second best. I feel like when we are around that particular race I'm inferior. Like she wants to just hop on these guys and laugh at their jokes and I just have to sit there and watch. Any suggestions or insight? | girlfriend used to only date a race her dad would never approve of. After learning that her parents never knew, I'm feeling a bit insecure. |
t3_3ot1bx | relationships | My [28 yo M] girlfriend [29 yo F] has never had a driving license and it's really starting to bother me. | We've been dating for 6-7 months and live in southern california where public transportation isn't the greatest. We also live in separate cities that are about 1 hour apart which sort of complicates things too. She's great in a lot of ways (compassionate, gets my humor, fun to be around, similar interests, a good person etc.) yet since the beginning of our relationship, I always have to drive her everywhere we go. What particularly bothers me is that she says she's "too afraid" to try to get a license anytime soon (she failed her test as a 16 year old and thinks she would fail again). I find this a bit ridiculous given that plenty of 15 year olds are not too afraid to get theirs. She has also never offered to pay for gas. When I mentioned that sometimes it's hard for me to always be the one to drive everywhere, she broke down crying and wouldn't talk for 3-4 hours. It's a major source of insecurity for her. The last few times we've hung out, I had her practice driving my car in a parking lot and she's got a long way to go still. She doesn't have any plans at getting a license for at least another year. This whole thing has made me start to desire dating other girls. Reddit, would this be a deal breaker for you? | My 29 yo girlfriend has never had a drivers license and is too afraid to get one. She's very insecure about it and it bothers me since I drive her everywhere. Is this a deal breaker? |
t3_lojwh | AskReddit | I have a question to the "occupy" movement. | I recently went back to my home town and saw that people have been on the street for a week now (Brisbane).
Where does their income come from? How do they afford an indefinite time off while paying bills, rent etc?
I myself am a pilot in about 100k AUD debt with a mortgage but with some half hearted planing I was able to get a good deal with a small bank.
I am managing off very little but at the same time use my RIGHT to choose where my money goes. So I am kinda annoyed at the "ultimate frisbee, drum circle crowd". | I am in a lot of debt but working to pay it off and improve my situation, not taking time off work to stand on a street. |
t3_1o96qa | legaladvice | Sexual assault victim. Campus police and school officials treated me horrifically. Not sure if I have any legal options. | I live in the United States. I attend a well-known engineering school with over 40,000 students. I was sexually assaulted on campus by a man visiting the school for work in December of 2011. I did not report my crime until April of 2012. Campus police spoke in a way that led me to believe I should not continue to attempt to locate my assailant, in addition to saying and behaving in a reckless fashion given my state as a very ill victim. (Including using intimidation, deceit, and interrogation-styled conversations meant to make me feel stupid, ashamed, and confused.)
This pattern of mistreatment continued for a month and a half until when I could no longer take the belittling nature of the time I spent at the police station and retreated to my apt. where I wouldn't leave for weeks at a time.
Furthermore, I attempted to reach out to many different school officials and was repeatedly forgotten about and felt as if I was being "shushed" during nearly every reaction.
Due to the treatment I received from the police, my symptoms of what I now know as PTSD flared to a pt. I was recommended for inpatient treatment and am unable to finish my degree. (Currently still enrolled. Not attending however.)
Do I have any options? I don't want this to happen to anyone else. Thank you for taking the time to read about my situation. | Sexually assaulted on campus. Campus police treated me horribly leading to me become gravely disabled. Do I have any legal options to ensure this doesn't have to someone else? |
t3_54d3qy | relationships | I [25F] am a little bit lost when it comes to approaching guys, need advice on whether this would be a good way to approach a friend of a friend [20sM] | I tried to submit this already and lost it all - fingers crossed it works this time!!
I have been single for about 18 months after ending a 4ish year relationship. In that time I've had a number of tinder and okcupid dates with varying degrees of success, but I haven't met anyone in real life who I've been interested in. As such my pickup tactics are a bit limited right now!!
The other night I briefly met up with my friend Steven (gay, if that's relevant) when he and his workmates were out having drinks. While Steven and I were talking, he pointed out a guy who worked with him and was single, Joe. I thought Joe was pretty cute, but I didn't get to talk to him because he was on the other side of the room and I was only there for a short period before I had to catch the train. On the way home I looked Joe up on Facebook to see if I could get a bit of an idea of his personality, and he seemed pretty cool! I have actually noticed him commenting on Steven's stuff in the past and he always seems pretty funny and stuff.
I texted Steven about my findings and he said that Joe had already "sussed me out" and he likes me. I guess we've both Facebook stalked each other then, so yes, it's a true modern day fairy tale haha! I've been mulling it over and I'm considering adding Joe on Facebook and sending him a message introducing myself and saying hi, though I'm not sure what I'd say. Would that come across as creepy or weird? Alternatively I could get Steven to invite me out next time his work is having drinks, but there's always the chance that Joe wouldn't go or I wouldn't get a chance to talk to him.
What do you think, wise people of reddit? How should I play this one? | friend of a friend is cute and seems cool, do I approach him online or wait and see if I can do it in real life? |
t3_13asyd | AskReddit | Possible graphics card failure? | The other day I took my graphics card out of my case to do some seasonal dusting with canned air. I have the AMD 6950 2GB card that I purchased around a year and a half ago. Well, after putting the card back on the MOBO inside the case, my monitor did not start up properly. While the computer turns on and my keyboard lights up ( all signs of normal functioning ), the monitor remains unresponsive and the light on there remains orange ( no source detected ). After making sure the card was aligned properly and in tact, I tried restarting again. It took several restarts for the monitor to function.
I thought all was well until last night. I was playing Starcraft 2 when my screen froze up. After restarting, the monitors were giving me the same previous issue. I paused and restarted a few times and it finally worked again. I woke up this morning and the computer was on but the monitors were unresponsive and showing orange color on the light ( no computer source ).
Are these foreshadowing signs of my graphics card failure? Sorry for wall of text :P | Cleaned graphics card, computer starts / keyboard lights up with power but my monitor is unresponsive and won't detect the computer source. Just started happening yesterday and the monitors sometime start to work again after a few re-boots. |
t3_1ljg5d | relationships | Me [19F] conflicted over seeing ex again [19M] | I should probably state now that I do not want to get back together with my ex. We were together for some years and I ended it because he was a terrible boyfriend. After the break up he reacted pretty badly and some months afterwards out the the blue began texting me again for hours at a time complaining about his life and how much he missed me. This ended up being a 3 week long period of stalking where he sent hundreds of messages and called constantly, I have since blocked his number. I finally ended the harassment by making it clear I had told people what he did and would go to the police if he didn't stop.
I had evidence (letters, screenshots) of him begging me to sleep with him again and talking about wanting to hit me, and an eye witness to him physically assaulting me when he showed up to a coffee shop I was at. I have not heard from him since and was beginning to recover from what he did.
The problem is, I've been invited to a mutual friend's party and I'm not sure if I should go. On the one hand I don't want to give the ex a chance to start stalking me again or cause trouble for me and my current boyfriend (understandably he wants us to break up), but I also hate that he's dominating my life so much and I don't want to 'let him win'.
There is a good chance my ex may not show up to the party from what I heard, the person who invited me said he felt able to invite me because he was so sure my ex wouldn't show up or stay for very long at the party. I'm not sure if hearing I might turn up would be a deterrent or if it would encourage my ex to show, I have no idea what his state of mind is because of how I cut him off. I would really appreciate a third party view on this.
________________________________________ | My ex who stalked and sexually harassed me may or may not be going to a party I was invited to. Do I risk going and if so how do I handle it? |
t3_3sptum | relationships | My (35f) husband (36m) wants me to never date another guy seriously if we break up or he dies. | Together for 16 years, married for 13 years.
Last night we were talking. Husband wants me to agree to his "ultimate" wish. In the event that our relationship ends or he dies, he wants me to never be in a serious relationship with anyone else. If we break up, he wants to screen who I date.
I told him if anything happens to me, I would want him to meet someone that loved him and took care of him.
Seems he doesn't feel the same way. The thought of me being with another guy upsets him. Yet, he brings up having an open relationship as well. Bit contradictory to me.
He got upset because I refused to promise this. He wants me to be honest with him. I am. Any relationship I have after our relationship ends is none of his business. He doesn't like my response. He told me he thought I was special but now he sees that I am just like every other girl.
I am feeling a bit hurt after hearing that statement, which I feel was his aim. Apparently this is his ultimate wish and he can't understand why I won't agree to it.
I thought our relationship was going well and we are both in good health. Why is he borrowing trouble that may never happen?
Am I in the wrong? | Husband is upset that I won't agree to never dating another guy or letting him screen who I date if we ever break up. |
t3_1uynk6 | relationships | [30/M] Happy in relationship with long-term, live-in girlfriend [30/F] but struggling with mutual attraction to colleague at work. | I have been with my amazing girlfriend for 9 years. We have a great sex life, and lots of great friends together. Though, not many activities in common together, other than some TV shows we like. Other than that, things are very good. We've lived together for 2.5 years, and I was hoping to be able to afford a nice engagement ring for her this year.
Our engagement has not formally been established for a couple of reasons - primarily want of money and needing to get settled career-wise. Over the past year, those things are starting to come within reach - I have a leadership position at a job I enjoy, and financial comfort is becoming established.
At that job, there is a young lady who I think is very interested in me. 30ish, beautiful, very kind, and with some mutual interests. No idea why she's single, other than the fact she is a doctor. I can feel a very strong mutual attraction, and she's always asking me what I'm getting up to on the weekend, telling me about her plans, dropping hints that she is single. If she mentions something social with a man, she'll tell me he's gay, or just a friend, etc. I feel like she's leaving the door open for me to initiate something. The tension is killing me, and I find myself occasionally thinking about her when I'm not at work. Here's the part where I feel guilty - I've never given her any idea that I have a girlfriend.
I appreciate any thoughts on how to best deal with this.
Thanks for reading :) | Have a great girlfriend who I love; also feel mutual attraction to someone else at work; wracked with guilt and temptation. |
t3_wpxww | legaladvice | I think my doctor screwed up pretty bigtime...Is this grounds for suing? | So around march I started experiencing jaw tenderness on my left side. I didn't think much of it and when I went to the dentist she thought I clenched my jaw at night and gave me a night guard to wear. It didn't help out much but I figured it would take a little while to kick in. Summer rolls along and I am going to an internship abroad for a few weeks. Before I leave I go to my family physician to get checked up and some congestion before my flight. She was aware of my jaw pain as well. She gave me some antibiotics and that was that. I get to my internship and about 2 days in lose hearing in my left ear. I went to the doc there and they prescribed more decongestants. Those didn't help at all so 1 week later I went to an ENT specialist. She took one look in my throat, saw that a good 3/4 of my throat is closed off due to a giant growth. Immediately recommended an MRI, turns out I have cancer. So I cancel the rest of my trip, head home, and am now starting treatment.
My question is, shouldn't the dentist or doc have checked my throat and noticed the growth? I mean the size of it is like a large egg and is clearly visible when looking through my mouth! I didn't notice because you don't look down your throat often and when a dentist tells you the pain is from clenching your jaw you kind of take their word for it. Am I wrong here? What do you think? | Dentist says jaw pain, gets checked by doctor too. They say nothing. Go abroad, see doc, it's cancer! How could they miss that?? |
t3_1vrg3q | relationships | I (23f) have severe trust issues. I'm worried it may hurt my relationship with my boyfriend (23m). | Starting with my mother, every relationship I've ever had a role in ended horribly. I've always been made to feel inadequate. My most recent relationship wasn't any different. I married a man way too soon simply because his family wanted us to. I've always been the type of person to give up everything for another persons wants or needs.
After three years of lying, cheating, emotional and verbal abuse I was strong enough to leave him.
Now I'm in a serious relationship that I truly want to last, he and I are perfect together. We have the same needs, wants, goals and dreams, our personalities mesh perfectly. I feel whole for the first time in years.
However, my ex husband has said some things about my new relationship that just seem to fuel the trust issues he had such a large role in creating. I feel as though I'm constantly looking over my shoulder or waiting for him to lie or cheat. I don't want to live this way, nor do I want my reservations towards love and trust to affect my current relationship. | Past relationships caused trust issues. Ex husband trying to ruin new relationship. How to move past previous pain and learn to trust? |
t3_2fhmh9 | relationships | Me [19 M] with a friend [18 F]. Something came up and i'm not sure how to proceed | Three weeks ago I met a girl completely out of the blue. I'm not really looking to date anyone but since I met her I started to think otherwise.
We hung out twice since we met and had a blast. She seemed to have fun and enjoy hanging out with me, as I did with her.
Last friday I texted her and asked if she wanted to hang out and go to the beach with me and some friends on Labor Day and she didn't respond. So I was a little confused for a couple days wondering why she just stopped talking to me.
Come Labor day me and some friends get drunk and start talking about random stuff and then someone asked me about the girl I was supposed to bring.
So I tell them and they all think its kinda weird to. Then someone says I should google her name and me being as drunk as I was I did.
I was pretty surprised to find out that she was arrested for being intoxicated in public and stayed in jail for the weekend. Its been a few days now and she still hasn't responded.
Should I try again or should I just forget about her? | Met a girl, hung out a couple times and asked if she wanted to again. She gets arrested/released and hasn't responded since. Not sure what to do next. |
t3_uyb9j | AskReddit | Hey Reddit, what's the biggest fear you have overcome in an instant? | So today, I was jogging a different way then I usually do. I used to be VERY afraid of dogs. So, I was jogging by this one house, where I saw a dog in the window. I said to myself, "He can't get out of that house". A few minutes later, the front door flew open and it was tearing across the owner's front yard, right at me. I was too tired to try to out run the dog, instead I stopped dead in my tracks. I then clapped my hands saying "Come here dog". Well, it worked. The dog ran right up to me wagging it's tail, and I pet it. I walked past the house, the dog walked up to his porch, and at a respectful distance, I continued to jog again. | Afraid of dogs, chased by dog, greeted dog instead of running, dog and I had a mutual understanding, fear of dogs resovled. |
t3_208oy7 | relationships | Me [22 M] with my GF [20 F] ~1 year, I start arguments for no reason, and it affects my relationship with my SO and others | Wise redditors, I need a bit of advice. I take after my dad who gets angry randomly and used to take it out on my family (never physical mostly just yelling and after a while you get used to it). But recently I noticed that I'm the same way. Sometimes I get into arguments with roommates (all 22) for no reason, I get angry randomly and sometimes I take it out on my GF, who I love very much. Somedays I just wake up upset for no reason. I feel like one of those crazy BFs who try and make their GF feel bad so they stay with them, and I know I'm not. I really want to get my shit together but honestly I have no idea. I'm pretty sure I'm not bipolar or have dual personalities or anything as it doesn't happen daily but enough to bother me and make me want to change. I'm not sure how much more I can describe it but if anyone has advice please let me know, I don't want to be like this to the people in my life and I don't really know who to ask. | Severe case of being an asshole, angry for no reason sometimes, and take it out on people in the form of trying to start arguments. |
t3_4bjcyo | relationships | Me [24 F] with my BF [24 M] of almost 2 years will have to do long distance because of school. Is it worth it or a waste of time? | I have been dating bf for almost 2 years. Bf will be going to graduate school halfway across the country for very prestigious and demanding graduate school so the relationship will be 4 years of long distance. We are in very different fields and there's no guarantee that he can get a job where I am after graduation.
He is the best guy I met and we love each other a lot.
We won't be able to get engaged or married until after he finishes graduate school and find a stable job. I have a stable career already.
I love him but I'm not sure if long distance will work out especially when it will be 4 years long. I also don't like the idea of getting married when I'm 30 because I want to have kids by 30. The timeline seems to not match and I don't know what to do. We are perfect together and are like best friends. | BF moving across country for graduate school. Will have to do 4 years of long distance. Debating to break up or not. |
t3_3tjizh | relationships | Me [27M] seeing [24F] for a couple months, call it off b/c she's not ready, then says I'm someone she'd marry | I'm really curious to get an outsider's take on this since I was rather perplexed. Dated a girl for a couple months and things went really well. She introduced me to her family and we did a lot of fun romantic things together. At the beginning she made it clear she wanted to take it slow and I was on board with it.
Things fell apart when she pushed to have the talk. She got embarrassed and cried when we started talking about dating apps and she admitted she had Bumble. Personally, I was okay with it until she wanted to talk about it more and then reiterated she wasn't ready to be exclusive. I thought about it and just said we should face the music - if she's still needing to stay single maybe we should just leave it on a good note.
It seemed straightforward until we went for a walk and talked about the situation. She said the words "you are someone I'd like to marry" and asked me if I felt the same (I said yes). She then spoke her mind about how her parents saw each other, split up for a year, and randomly found each other again And how we could be friends with me but she would be too attracted to me, etc. I told her she was awesome although I really didn't want to plan a story like that since it would hold me back in life, and I just wanted to move on. I told her we could have a low-key relationship and we could keep things going since they were great and just not be official (at this point it seemed weird for us to be seeing other people).
Gave her a kiss goodbye, told her I'm just fine with having a low-key relationship and I'd talk to her soon, she responded with "I need my space" and I haven't heard from her since or attempted to contact her with the exception I donated to a fundraiser she was hosting. Been almost two weeks. I don't plan on contacting her and I'm just putting myself out there again since there doesn't seem to be anything else to do.
So my question is: did I miss something here or is it really straightforward and this is it? | Was seeing girl, she felt like she wasn't ready to be exclusive, called it off then talked about it and she said I was someone she'd like to marry, haven't heard from her since. |
t3_2i78kr | relationships | My [20F] sex drive is low and I don't know how to fix it. | Quick background:
I have been in a relationship for ten months with my boyfriend 21M]. He is amazing and lovely and I love him. It's my first relationship, but not his.
I've had depression for about six years and been on medication this whole time. I've been on my current medication for four years and it works really well for me. I absolutely do not want to change medications.
I've also been on the same birth control (Implanon) for a little over three years, right after I lost my virginity.
I know both those things can affect sex drive, but I've been on both of them much longer than I've had this issue so I'm not sure if they could be the cause.
Problem:
For the last five months or so, my libido has been pretty low. I've always loved having sex and having it often, and I've never gone through a phase like this before.
BF and I used to have sex twice a week (which is how often we see each other usually), but now it's like once every 2-3 weeks. He wants to do it more but I just can't get into the mood. When we do have sex, it's good. We're both pretty generous to each other in that area. I do sometimes masturbate but not as much as I used to either.
I've talked to him about it and he's disappointed but understanding. I feel awful and I really don't know what to do.
I've gained a bit of weight in the past two years and I feel like maybe my self-esteem has gone down and I don't feel "sexy" anymore, but I don't feel like that's the whole cause either.
I'd really appreciate any advice, but thanks for just letting me vent. | My sex drive is low and I hate disappointing my lovely boyfriend. Possible causes are anti-depressants, birth control and weight gain. I want to fix it and make BF happy. |
t3_m5b0c | relationships | Reddit, is it unfair to wait for someone to "come around" | Reddit, my boyfriend and I have been dating a little over a year and are in our early 20s.
We have absolutely gone through rough patches, but for the entire relationship we have both been happy and incredibly in love (there is no doubt about that!) What I'm wondering is if my situation is one where love can be considered not enough.
He has been wishy washy with the relationship the past couple months, basically he is dealing with insecurity mixed with lifelong depression. He comes at me for things in my past, or ways I do things in the present, but quickly switches to blaming these problems on himself, and tells me all the reasons why he can't seem to get his mind right. This past weekend it came to a head and he left town for the night. He said he needed to work his stuff out. He has since told me that he needs space and time (which is fine by me), but that if i don't want to wait I don't have to.
How do you guys feel about "waiting"? At points we were almost positive we were going to get married, so I don't want to just let this go. Before him I was a firm believer in NOT waiting, for obvious reasons (moving on with one's own life/waiting forever), but now I just don't know. I don't know if what he is suggesting is fair. He has not given me a time frame. I wouldn't ask for that anyways. He means so much to me but we have been struggling for months because of these issues of his.
What are good signs to know that it's time to give it up? I want to make the right decision but I don't know how to make it. I could really use some bullet points here to know when enough is enough (generically) | Boyfriend and I are struggling because of issues on his end, but I don't want to give up because of our great love and compatability, but I also don't know when enough should be considered..enough. |
t3_1524ub | AskReddit | How do you get over a person? | I want some outsiders' advice, Reddit, on how to get over a person. The back story is that we both attend the same college, have mutual friends, are in the same performance group, live about fifty yards apart from each other, and have been in a friends-with-benefits relationship for almost fourteen months. It turns out, fuck, I really like him. When I told him a month ago, he made it clear that he doesn't feel similarly. Since then, my terrible coping skills have left me feeling this animosity towards him that I wish I could dispel, but part of me feels like hating him could be my only way towards not feeling fond of him anymore. I just want my feelings for him to stop so that we can be friends. Any ideas how I can make this happen? | I want to stop liking someone. WHAT DO I DO. General tips and tricks appreciated, too, or anecdotes or sob stories or what have you. |
t3_3j94jv | tifu | Tifu by Opening up a window full of BDSM pics while in class | So, while waiting for my next class to start, I am on the college cafeteria, sitting on the floor, skyping my friend. She had recently moved upstate to go To college. While skyping I had a brilliant idea, as one often does, it involve sharing my screen with my friend ,she would be view the screen instead of my face.
So I decide to mess with her, and go to reddpics. Com, and pull up a BDSM gallery, so she starts screaming and yelling and eventually after a few minutes we are both discussing the intricacies of bondage and the pictures we see.
It's time to go to class, I'm using a macbook, I'm new to it, so I minimize the window. I go to class and open up my laptop, I'm at the front of the room, and it's sloped down towards the front, lecture hall style.
Then I Think "hey, I should right click and close the window, just to be safe" I had left the window almost maximized, and instead of giving me a list of options, the click opened up the window full screen. And the gallery was on a particularly……unique group of pictures.
Immediate reaction was move slow, acting fast will attract attention. I proceeded to close it slowly and place it in my bag and ny or make eye contact with anyone for the next hour. | showed friend BDSM gallery over Skype. Accidentally opened it up in class. While sitting in the front row. What is life? |
t3_3nbho7 | tifu | TIFU by looking like a schizophrenic. | Long time lurker, first time poster. This actually happened today and I still feel like a weirdo. So, I began my long bus ride home from school much like any other, listening to music and scrolling through my phone.
My taste in music fluctuates greatly and today I was in the mood for some old school Rage Against the Machine (what machine I am personally raging against, I may never find out). Normally I don't like being told who my enemy is, but today I was feeling it, so much that I forgot I was in a public place and started singing along. After ~10 minutes of various *"Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me"* and *"...how I could just kill a man."* and various other rebellious vulgarities, I looked like a proper mad man. I only noticed the strange looks as I headed towards the back of the bus. Now as I reflect on my day, and how my fellow bus patrons will fear me every time I see them on my way home, I see the silver lining: I'll never have to share my seat anymore. | I unintentionally projected the antiestablishmentarian views of Rage Against the Machine on the people on the bus, and now I look schizophrenic. |
t3_4ama6i | relationships | Me [22F] and my bf [21M] of just over a year considering moving in after college, afraid of my family's reaction | We come from very different backgrounds (me from conservative, large, close knit, Christian family, he from well... the opposite). We were best friends for over a year before we started dating, and he became a Christian about a year and a half(?) ago (I'm still a Christian, just a lot more liberal than my family is). we've been dating a little over a year now, and we went to the same college, but I finished a semester early. He is going on to grad school next year and I'm looking for a job (living at home currently, which is rough). We are talking about moving in together if I can find a job where he is going to grad school, but there's a few things scaring me. My family is super against living together before marriage, and while I know they won't shun me, I don't know what that's going to do to my relationship with them or their already-rocky relationship with my bf. My relationship with my parents is already pretty rough (going to counseling about that and other things), and while we both want to respect them in their house, I'm afraid he won't be welcome anymore if I do this. I am also afraid that I'll end up giving up on my faith, because my bf is not super "community oriented" like I am, and I don't want to try and go to church without him (recognizing that some of that is my own issue). The bf has been so great about all of this, and so patient, very willing to take things at my pace and has been trying to be understanding of my family. He seems to be drawing a line in the sand though, that either we end up moving in together or we break up. And it's not that I don't want to, I want to be out on my own being an adult with an adult job. I'm just scared of the consequences... How do I approach my parents about this? And how should I go about thinking about it? Am I over thinking this? I don't really have anyone to talk to who could provide an objective outside opinion, so that would be appreciated. Thanks for listening. | me and bf thinking about moving in together, scared it will alienate me from family, friends, and the only life I've known. Looking for advice. |
t3_1ap59c | AskReddit | Hi reddit I have a problem regarding a friend, ID, and beer | Me and two friends are going to a gig tomorrow. We're getting the train there and and stopping the night in a hotel. One of my friends has recently passed his driving test so has sent off for his license but his new one should come tomorrow (not a certainty). He will need ID to be able to drink. He has a passport that is out of date. We have the folowing options. 1. Use the expired passport and risk not getting served alcohol 2. Try waiting for the drivers license that might not even come but will guarantee his round of drinks... | go ahead with something that might fail, or wait for sometthing that could prevent the failure, but itself isn't guaranteed |
t3_2i2fg6 | relationships | Me [23 M] with my girlfriend [23 F] of almost 2 months, always brings up her ex | Hi there all, I recently go in to a relationship. Moved to the states from a foreign country. My girlfriend and I met on a dating website, and our first date was pretty good so we just decided to start dating each other. Oh boy was that a mistake, I didn't know she had really bad relationship problems with her ex which was her first love. Even after a year of been breaking up with him. She seems to always bring up her ex everytime we go on a date. Also she makes me look like the asshole turning my words around on to me. I knew a relationship wouldn't be easy. She would be pretty much my first real relationship. I like her alot but sometimes she just stresses me out I just want to opt out and quit. But I think we can work things through. | Pretty much girlfriend is a pain in my ass but still like her alot. Could anyone give me advice? Or what I should do? |
t3_yd16m | AskReddit | Hey guys, my friends just found my collection of furry porn. How can I minimize the damage that will come from this? | My friends are pretty liberal people but I think this is so far out of their realm of understanding that I will be endlessly mocked for this. How do I ensure that my reputation is not ruined from this discovery? I don't want to have to leave town or anything, purely on principle. Because I don't think a man's harmless sexual fantasy's should have such a large impact on his actual reputation.
When I first got into furry porn I knew what I was getting myself into, and I new from the beginning that I was different to everyone else growing up. I remember when I first played sonic I fell in love, it was such a pure feeling. I do not think it is right that this pure feeling can be used against me. Has anyone on here ever been in a similar situation to me? How did you cope? | I am a hardworking man with a stable job, a degree and a loving family but I also enjoy furry porn. Now my friends know also, how do I make this blow over as fast as possible. |
t3_si6lb | relationship_advice | Friendship/trust issues. | Hello all. I'll try to keep this short.
Most ladies will understand, it's hard for us when it comes to friendship. Women are constantly sizing each other up and becoming instantly competitive with each other (at least, around here).
And although it was a couple years ago, I'm still shaken up about something that happened. My "best friend" of 14 years quit talking to me and said some really shitty things (calling me a bad mom, a weird anti-social freak, etc.) all because I was trying to help her break it off with her loser, pill-popping, deadbeat dad of a b/f who stole from us. I haven't talked to her since, and I still think about her once in a while, but it just hurts. Someone who was there through the hardest times for me did a complete 180 and used everything she knew to hurt me.
I haven't made new friends since, except a couple people I used to work with. My self-esteem is just gone. I never feel like I'll be good enough for anyone, and I always assume everyone will have a dark side and immediately turn on me.
I know someone will say, "get over it, it's in the past". And I'm really trying. But I want to know how to let my guard down until then. I used to have so many circles. Now I have a couple good friends, but most of the time I still feel completely friendless, and very lonely while my SO is at work and the kids are gone. I don't want to be a lonely 23 year old. ): | How do you drop your guard to let people in after you've been hurt? How do you meet new people and become friends without coming off as weird/desperate/creepy? |
t3_308knq | travel | Last holdup for planning my trip to Europe-- roughly how long will ~$1500 USD last me? | Ok, so I made sure to read the side bar and FAQ twice. Hopefully I didn't skip over anything. Anyway, here we go :)
Thanks to the 'collapse' of the Euro, a trip to Europe is within reason for me now! I'm planning to go from Late April or May to.. as long as I can make ~$1400-$1500 USD last! Just so there is no confusion, this is the money I have to work with after airline fees.
I'm **starting out in Ireland**. I have family over there so I can travel around a bit and visit everyone with most food & a safe place to sleep covered. I figure maybe a couple hundred dollars there for drinks or whatever.. maybe $300 to be safe? While I'm there I'm going to ask around for cousins, or their friends or.. well anyone, someone here if you want to join me! But someone to travel with through several of the mainland European countries & great cities (avoiding tourist traps). If I can't find anyone, I'll just go alone.
This, I guess, leaves ~$1100-$1200 USD to work with. This has to buy me a train pass, food, water, and shelter.. and maybe a laundry day or two. I'm not looking to do touristy shit like buy souvenir shot glasses, take scenic sunset boat rides, or go hang-gliding over a castle like I read in another thread (though that sounds awesome). I'm just looking to adventure & explore through Europe for as long as I safely can with the money I have (though if I run dry I can try to find work somewhere washing dishes).
I'm not an experienced traveler yet, and don't know how to budget out a trip of this magnitude. I don't have the slightest clue what day-to-day expenditures would be like in European cities. I'm drawing blanks with people I know IRL and my google-fu is failing me, so I turn to the experts, you guys. I'm looking for both your long *and* short estimates. | How long can $1100-1200 support my need for food, water, shelter, and train passes? (Both long and short time estimates) |
t3_3ip9ev | relationships | I [27 F] have feelings for my friend [30 M] of 4 years that I have a complicated history with. | I have a friend that I'm attracted to, and we've been good friends for years. When we first met, I was just a friend but he had feelings for me. I only found out when he kissed me spontaneously. I was in an complicated relationship at the time. He stopped talking to me after we talked that it's not going to happen.
We didn't talk for awhile but we returned to being friends. We even hooked up, but it didn't work out afterwards due to complications. Ever since then we both seem to be dating someone or not single at the same time. I'm terrified that we unintentionally put ourselves into the friend zone. But I feel that we still like each other, we spend so much time sometimes, we talk for hours and only recently I've been cutting it shorter cause I'm afraid of doing something stupid. In hopes of breaking the cycle, I stopped dating completely early this year. It's been rough.
I want to tell him that I like him, but I don't want to disrupt our friendship again. (Because we don't talk for weeks when it happens) It also turns out I'm going out of town and he's going to the same place around the same time and we're planning to meet up and hang out while traveling. I don't want to make any waves that'll affect the trip (it's soon) - but my friends are pushing me to tell him my feelings again.
I mean, I only have my gut feeling that we still like each other, also I think he knows that we like each other (we give each other gifts, and we go eat dinner often etc). I could be horribly wrong about it. I know he's casually dating someone right now and I know he likes her.
Maybe I should give up for the hundredth time and date someone else only to realize I'm in love my friend, while he figures out I'm causally dating when he's not and we stop talking for few weeks until we go back to being friends. The cycle, it never ends. | I friend-zoned myself. I want to tell him I still like him, but I don't know if I should. |
t3_s2lds | jobs | Help Needed - Backgruond Checks | To get right to the point I am not a felon, I currently hold a full time job with benefits, but to what extent should I disclose my past convictions.
My current job sucks. The pay sucks, the people suck, the commute sucks, everything about it is lame. I was temporary at first and accepting the full time job came with a massive pay cut. So now I'm on the hunt again and I'm curious as to what I should disclose and here is why:
A recent interview went well and the company is finishing up their end to make an offer. I plan on declining it since it is only marginally better than what I am currently doing and what I am currently making. But I disclosed to them I earned myself two underage drinking citations (one in 2002 and the other in 2004) and a disorderly conduct in 2007. Along with this I have a DUI and a drug paraphernalia charge which were both expunged and no longer show up on checks. Well here they call me and say my background is 100% clean and NOTHING that I told them came up. They said they would get back to me. It's been a week. So wtf? I tell them what I did, nothing comes up, and now I feel the process is being delayed because of this.
I am a professional job applicant so the question is when should I disclose this to potential employers? Should I not say anything and risk them thinking I'm a liar if something does come up?
While I'm no felon, this isn't the first time my background has come up in an employment situation. | I have a series of charges that may or may not show up on a background check depending on how much the employer digs. What should I disclose up front? |
t3_z8gpz | dating_advice | Why did my date turn into a non-date? 25f/30m | About a week and a half ago, I hung out with two guys, one of which I kind of hooked up with. We made out, but couldn't take it any farther because it was the wrong time of the month. I said I'd be interested in hanging out again, so we exchanged phone numbers. He texted me first. We continued to text for the next couple of days, and he eventually asked me out. It was rather informal because all he said was "Sailing. Next week. Us two." We set a date and time, and texted a couple times after that.
When he said "Us two," I assumed it would just be us two. I get to the sailing club where he works, and both guys who I originally hung out with are both there, drinking and messing around on the internet. We hang out at the club, then all three of us go sailing. Then all three of us get dinner. The guy who I had hooked up with bought my dinner and we talked while we waited for the other guy to show up. Hook up guy kept looking at his phone throughout the whole thing and kept saying that his "nap time" was coming up. We eventually all parted ways and hook up guy said "Next time, more sailing. A bit more formal." There was no physical contact at all. He was a hook up. I was expecting more hooking up. I texted him and thanked him for the food and the invite. He vaguely mentioned a next time. | Two person event turned into a three person event. Were my intentions mismatched from his? Is he just shy? |
t3_2jx58y | relationships | Me [30 M] with my buddy[23 M] who helped me get a job at his company. He has BAD psoriasis, and he would need rides to/fro work. | One of my ~~buddies~~ new friends helped me to land a fantastic job at his company very recently. He's done fantastic things for me, such as invite me for parties, to his temple, and so on. He has **bad psoriasis** and when I've given him rides before, like yesterday, there is a lot of dandruff and skin debris everywhere. It's soooooo gross.
We currently work very close to one another, but very soon, we will work in the same building. How do I not have to give him rides all the time? In addition to his psoriasis, I also would rather not have to sacrifice the extra 5 minutes of time. Finally, I make a lot of phone calls on my way back home. I won't be able to do this with him around, since I talk sensitive matters. | A friend will need ride from work back to his home, and I feel indebted, since he helped me land a fantastic job. However, he has psoriasis, and he sheds skin everywhere. |
t3_q3r9t | AskReddit | I owe a money to a gym and they are threatening to take me to small claims court, how do I get out of this? | EDIT: So I guess I have to pay them. I am back to work and all recovered from my injury. I'll just give them the money, I was just wondering since I didn't want to give them the money, not that I couldn't.
Thank you everyone for the VERY FAST replies! =)
I signed up for training at a Muay Thai gym a while ago (don't remember exact dates). I signed a contract for 6 months of training payed monthly; something along the order of 125 dollars a month. I went for exactly one month but due to an injury stopped going and even had to quit my job. I had payed for the month that I had gone, but hadn't given them anything for the next 5 months in the contract.
After about 4 months had passed, I had gotten a call from them saying that I owed them something like $400. I went there and gave them the check, but it bounced (of course). I did warn them that the check might bounce, but of they tried to put it in anyways.
After about 2 months of them calling me regarding the payments they had apparently called a collection agency to get the money from me, but since I don't answer my phone if the number is blocked, I had not talked to any collections agents about this.
Now today I get a message from them saying that they will take me to small claims court for the $530.80 that I owe them unless I set up payments or give them the money.
I don't think I should have to pay them anything, since I didn't use their gym or services for the time that I hadn't payed. I don't want to go to court for this, but if I have to is there any chance that I could possibly win this case?
I live in British Columbia, Canada. | Signed a contract and now gym wants money from me. I didn't use their services so I don't think I should have to pay. Do I have a case in small claims court? |
t3_2fzap3 | Advice | Thinking of quitting NCAA Div 1 Sports team. | I'm a senior at a private, well-known school doing Division I athletics. The school I go to doesn't offer scholarships, but I wouldn't have gotten into the school if I hadn't been recruited .
I have had a ton of success on the team and am considered one of the best athletes. At our national competition in the spring I tore my left pec and have been resting it since. I also have recurring knee pain from a ACL surgery a couple years back. I worked an internship over the summer that wasn't physical at all, so I had plenty of time to rest the injury. I also received a full time job offer from where I interned and have accepted to return to the company after graduation. I don't have to recruit for jobs or anything anymore (great feeling).
Anyway, I feel like I owe the school and team my time because they recruited me and gave me tremendous opportunity. I have always honored my commitments and don't want to be labelled as a "quitter" by my friends.
I don't have to worry about school or making great grades because I already have a job and am taking ridiculously easy classes.
I want to quit because my injuries are taking a huge tole on my body and I just don't think I can compete anymore. The team/coaches have pretty unreasonable expections for recovery and I just don't think it's worth it anymore... I have had a long career in ahtletics and definitely want to relax before I start working and finally enjoy college without 4 hr practices every day (**every damn day**).
WHich brings me to another point... I don't have a lot of other hobbies. I have great friends not on the team and am heavily involved in a social organization (think frat but not really). I want to start working out like a normal person instead of like a NCAA athlete and definitely wouldn't mind exploring more interesting classes. | senior in college, want to quit an important varsity team due to injuries, don't want to labelled a "quitter" or "soft" |
t3_4au3rz | relationships | Help. I (24f) feel weird about how much my BF (26m) talks about his best friend (25m). | Bob and I have been together for 1 year. We see each other 3-4 times a week. He's been best friends with his coworker, Tim, for 4 years.
I don't think I've ever been with Bob for any amount of time where he didn't mention Tim in some capacity. Or contact him. Or even when I chat with Bob, if I say something funny, Bob will say he has to tell Tim what I just said. Or even if we're just down in bed, something one of us says will somehow bring the conversation to Tim.
A large number of Bob's Facebook posts have Tim tagged. Bob also tags me a lot as well. He's very active on Facebook.
They work together so they see each other at least every day. And they have weird working hours so that's usually at least 12 hours a day. And sometimes Bob goes to the office on weekends too and Tim will be there too.
About a month ago Bob told me that he noticed that he didn't get to do much with Tim outside of work and that made him sad. Which, side note, made me kind of sad because I didn't even see Bob at all that week.
I'm not sure why this makes me feel weird... I know Bob isn't cheating on me. No he's not physically attracted to Tim or the masculine body. But I'm beginning to feel weird. Should I just get over it? Please help me figure this out, r/relationships! | My boyfriend is constantly talking about/contacting/with his best friend. I know there's nothing to be jealous about but why am I bothered? How to fix? |
t3_1wram5 | relationship_advice | [23/f] Really confused by (21/m) | I've been seeing said 21/m since December. We haven't established what we are, but we've been hooking up exclusively with each other since then. We see each other every day because we're on a project together with a big group of students who know that we have something going on, but don't know the details of it.
Since the new semester started, he's been sending me mixed signals. He seems like he wants to continue seeing me casually, but he seems to refuse interacting with me in our group when we're all out socializing. Everyone knows about our situation, and they're confused by what we are too. For me, it's less of a problem of defining our relationship, but more that he doesn't acknowledge my existence anymore when we're all out.
I've come to the conclusion that I should leave the situation because if he's lost interest in me, I need to get out ASAP. If he hasn't lost interest in me and is just being his introverted self (he's very, very introverted. I don't know anyone more introverted), then maybe that's no good for me either since what I want is someone more... available (who will at least give me eye contact when we're with other people).
My problem is approaching it, I guess. I really do like him and would be happy to continue if only he'd change his behavior of avoiding me in groups (this is a dangerous way of thinking... believing I can change someone, I know). If after I find that he still won't budge, do I formally end this or just move on without a word to keep my dignity? I feel really tempted to just move on without saying anything since he hasn't really shown me the decency of telling me what's going on in his head (I have asked him before), but would that be immature? Is there a good way to do this without looking whiny and idiotic? | introverted guy seems suddenly shy to talk to me in a big group even though we hook up when we're alone. Makes me feel shitty. How do I go about this? |
t3_3h2ujn | tifu | TIFU by doing a Nazi salute multiple times at a holocaust memorial | (This happened a couple of months ago, but I fucked up by remembering it)
A couple of months ago my college class and I went on a field trip to a museum, and on that day there was a memorial for holocaust victims going on, and a lot of Jewish people were there to pay their respects to their relatives and such
Here's a little information, whenever I'm proud of something, I wave one of my hands in the air, imagine how footballers run with their arms out to the side, I do that, but one handed... and in front of me... yep
So, that day, I had been walking around with my friends and the class and had done my 'celebratory salute' numerous times throughout the day, I got a lot of weird looks that day, but never thought anything of it
When we were all sitting having lunch, I did it once more, then one of the kids in my class said 'OP, I don't think that's appropriate to do, especially today'
'What the fuck is he talking abou.....oh fuck me'
That was the moment I realized I had been performing Nazi salutes all day, in front of lots of different people, a lot of them Jewish
I promptly found a room to spend the rest of the day in, assessing the extent of my fuck up, before we got to go back to the college
I'm never going to a museum, or celebrating anything, ever again | Performed multiple Nazi salutes (unintentionally) in a museum the day of a holocaust memorial... a museum full of Jewish people... yep... |
t3_48sdei | legaladvice | Immigrant family sponsorship | A little background on my situation. My fiancee and I are Vietnamese, she comes from a very poor family and I come from a wealthy family. We were planning on getting married in two years. She currently has an income of $50k/year but it is a very unstable job and she fears losing it within the next few months with little prospects of finding another job soon.
Yesterday, her family dropped a bombshell on her by telling her that they need her to be a financial sponsor for her relatives in Vietnam to come to the USA. The relatives are scheduled to come here in the next year or two.
Our worry is that if the immigrant family members are not able to financially support themselves, she will be on the hook for repaying the government for any aid given. Then, when my fiancee and I get married, does that mean that the government can go after my income and assets? She was proposing that we do not get legally married to protect my income and assets, but I find it to be unacceptable and selfish of her family. | Fiancee's family wants her to co-sponsor immigrant relatives. She's scared that the government will come after my finances if she can't pay for them after we get married. Can they? |
t3_2pljpa | relationships | I [27M] have unreciprocated feelings for my friend [28F]. I am her primary shoulder to cry on following her recent breakup. | Basically, I have a friend who I've known about two years. For a lot of that time she has been in a relationship with someone else. I have had some romantic feelings for her during this time, but seeing as she was in a relationship with someone else that made her happy, I didn't have too much trouble suppressing those feelings.
They broke up recently and my friend has been using me as her primary confidant for her feelings. We hang out every day and talk about what she's feeling and how she's dealing with the break up. The amount of time we spend together coupled with the intimacy of our conversations and her new singleness has made it increasingly difficult to suppress those romantic urges that I had previously been able to ignore.
The problem is that she has made it unambiguously clear in the past that she has no romantic interest in me. She has made this clear both before and after she had ended her previous relationship.
The problem is that I want to be there for her and help her through this difficult situation, but in doing so I'm torturing myself by being around someone so often who doesn't reciprocate my feelings. | Want to help my friend get through a breakup but I have unreciprocated feelings for her and being around her that often is emotionally taxing. |
t3_3cikqj | relationships | Me [27M] with my friend [27 M] friend of 13+ years, had a falling out, how to mend fences??? | Be sure to explain in detail with line breaks.
About 2 years ago my wife and I got married. Months before that I kicked out my friend of about 12 years of knowing due to an altercation of him telling a fib to his ex which is my wife's best friend. He had told her that I cheated on her which I hadn't. We discussed this and I told him what I knew he had said to which he denied. I told him it would be best to be out of my wedding because I believed it would be best to make it my wife's best day of her life with no controversy. I recently see myself with very limited friends and wanted to at least reach out and say maybe it wasn't the best move (to which it may have been), but he was always nice in front of me. How would one go about saying something to him?
A little preface is I knew he was always a little judgmental by telling me stuff he hated about our mutual friends behind there back to me. Which I knew he had to of said stuff he hated I did to them by the way he acted. So that is about how I think he is. He could have changed who knows. But how or should I say sorry lets be friends again? Friends are a dime a dozen because I cannot find any anymore. I have 1 good friend that I hang out with and no more. | friend and I been friends for 13+ years and he thought I was cheating on my soon to be wife, which I wasn't. How or should I mend fences? I don't have many friends... |
t3_k0cx3 | needadvice | Help proving my friend is Innocent | Reddit, My friend and I were out on a walk while he was high on Acid and we were going around the block when he saw a power wheel ATV. He started playing with it and was moving it back and forth when I told him to "Leave it alone before someone sees us." A few seconds later, six guys came out from across the street with bats at us. We got away but my friend lost his phone at the scene and it was confiscated as evidence to our "crime." When he was picked up by the police they told him he was going to be charged with "attempted theft" so I came to his defense saying I was there also and gave my side of the story. The police told us that the ATV was moved off of the property and that those are grounds for the charge. I was there, he didn't move it but a few feet but the police say the people across the street have video of it happening. He went to court to try to get an attorney but wasn't able to get a court appointed attorney so now he plans to represent himself. What can I do to help? I don't have enough money to higher someone for him other wise I would. He didn't steal anything and has no criminal record. I think the case is shit and wont stand up in court because there isn't enough evidence (i think) to charge him with something. | My buddy was high in the wrong place at the wrong time and now is being charged for theft even though he didn't steal anything. |
t3_1fjvjb | tifu | TIFU BELITTLED WIFE | Alright, so today I was giving mom a much needed break from watching our 2 month old. She put on the tv and selected some show shes never watched but it said something about gymnasts. It was this crap show about some high.school gymnastic team. Anyways for some dumb reason I start talking to the baby, "Mom watches stupid shows." Soafter I say that he lets out a little smile, obviously not thinking now I keep repeating it, ehile my poor wife was just trying to eat lunch. Yadda yadda yadda. Now she is super depressed, wont even turn on a tv, she didnt do her nightly p90x which she loves and has been crying off and on all evening. I've done all the disaster recovery I, can do for now I think I just need to give her space, fuck am I dumb. | Called my wife stupid in baby voice repeatedly to my 2 month old, like a giant inflamed cockjuggling moron asshole. |
t3_3e3yim | tifu | TIFU by closing the train doors on her | I have work Monday to Friday 9-5 so usually I'm up by 7:45 (commute's around 30 min). I woke up at 8:25 today so naturally I was running around my place like a chicken without a head. I was out the door ASAP, tucking in my shirt and fixing my collar as I was sprinting to the train station. I get to the train station and the train was just closing its doors. But at that moment, someone was forcing open one of the doors (probably late like me). Letting out a primal scream, I sprint through the turnstile and make it thru the closing doors. *Phew* I thought. But then the doors open again and I see this stunning girl dashing down the stairs like I was seconds before. Her eyes widen at the sight of the waiting train and she picks up her pace. As she swipes thru the turnstile, by some supernatural force, our eyes lock. My heart started racing and another bead of sweat drips down my cheek. She was jaw-dropping and literally radiating beauty. I put my hand on the door and motion for her to hurry. Of course, by malicious satanic intervention, the doors closed on my hand, the train started moving and the beautiful girl was left on the platform with the image of my hand trapped between the doors and my sweaty red face cursing expletives. Luckily I wrenched my hand free after 10 seconds of struggling. | late to work, caught the train, tried to hold door for hot girl, hand gets trapped, girl left on platform |
t3_ef38v | AskReddit | Reddit, I want my mom to have her family back for Christmas. Am I crazy? | I'll try to make this relatively short: My mom has been completely cut off from her immediate family (mom, step-dad, sister) for almost 6 years.
Basically, my uncle went on trial for raping my cousin (his step-daughter). He was convicted. My aunt and grandparents refuse to believe that he did it, and accuse my mom of sending him to prison.
Why? Because the DA subpoenaed her to testify in the trial. As a character witness for my 11 year old cousin. I've read the entire trial transcript and she said NOTHING that would have made any difference to the jury whatsoever ("No, I've never caught her lying to me." was the basic gist of her 3 minute testimony). The night before the trial, my grandfather called her and threatened her. She SHOULD have told the court, but didn't and testified anyway.
So they haven't spoken a word to her (or me or my brother) since she left the courtroom (even though they've since moved down the street). And it's KILLING her. She had just been through a divorce, only recently went into breast cancer remission, and it haunts her that she doesn't talk to her parents. I find notes around the house when I go home with bible verses and prayers written on them about forgiving her parents for this.
Reddit, this is ridiculous. Is there anything I can do to fix it? I don't want them to be BFFs, but it would be nice if I could do something to at least have them email each other or have lunch. | uncle rapes cousin. Mom testifies at trial. Family hasn't spoken to mom since. I want to do something about it |
t3_rztrq | relationship_advice | Considering a FWB situation... | I started seeing this girl about a month ago. We've had a lot of fun, and it's stayed quite innocent so far, but she's awfully flirty (lots of touching, laughing at my dumb jokes, lots of talking about sex, etc), which makes me think she's interest in more than just friendship.
Additionally, we were chatting the other day and she mentioned some guy that was really into her, and how he "didn't just want to hook up," and how she isn't really looking for a relationship right now, which seems to suggest that she is looking for a FWB sort of situation. She then proceeds to continue her very touchy, flirty behavior towards me right after saying these things.
I'm moving in a few months, and will be far too far away to continue any sort of relationship, nor do I really want anything too serious right now for myself. I'm considering asking her to hook up, but it's not really something I've done before and I'm not sure how to go about doing it.
I enjoy hanging out with her; we've had a lot of fun in the past month or so. I'm trying to find a way to ask that won't be too... how do I say... off-putting. I'd like us to remain friends, but fooling around would be a lot of fun.
Does anyone have suggestions on good ways to go about this? I'm not sure if it'd be better to ask in person, over the phone, text or FB message, etc.
I've been leaning toward a FB message, since I can sufficiently explain my idea but with minimal investment from either of us. It'd be easier for her to just ignore it, too, rather than bringing it up in a face-to-face conversation, in case that's not what she's really into. What are your thoughts? | girl is flirty, neither of us want a relationship, how do I ask her to hook up in a way that maximizes my chances of maintaining our friendship and hooking up? |
t3_3g8w5b | relationships | My [20 F] BF's [21 M] birthday is coming up, and I'm worried about overwhelming him with presents. | Hi guys! I realize this is something that's not the usual sort of posts this subreddit gets, but I need your help nonetheless. My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year, and his birthday is coming up in September.
The problem is that I have about 10 gifts that I want to get for him. In total, they won't break bank but I don't want to overwhelm him or make him feel like he owes me if I get him that many.
In addition, we haven't been dating for super long, but I want to do this as a gesture to how much he means to me. He's been supportive and has helped me through tough times.
So what do you think, Reddit? Should I go overboard with his birthday, or should I try to tone it down and pace out the gifts for other events? | My bf of 1 year's birthday is coming up. Would it be weird for me to give him a ton of gifts or should I pace them out to not overwhelm him? |
t3_4vwasn | relationships | My [16F] Girlfriend wants to pretend to break up with me[18M] because of her parents. What do I do? | So she and I have known each other for years and have been dating for over a year. Up until recently, I have never had any major problem with her parents, even if they can be difficult and narcissistic at times. Hell, I've gone on trips with these guys, and just a week and a half ago I helped them tear down their garage.
This last week, however, I'm suddenly persona non grata at their house, have a curfew, and I'm specifically excluded from meals at their house, which is weird because I've eaten over there for years. I'm not sure how to explain it, but I can see her mom stiffen up when I walk in the room.
Fast Forward to tonight, and her dad decided they're going on a surprise trip the weekend before school starts in their RV (which no one in the family but him likes), to his favorite lake (which no one in the family but him likes) to play on his sailboat (Which he bought for himself and no one in the family but him likes). Another very keenly expressed statement, was that I was not allowed to be there for the trip or while they were packing up for the trip, because "I'm a distraction".
My GF and her sister tried to talk him out of it and suggested they do a party with all their friends instead, to end the summer with a bang, and her parents responded by basically destroying them and criticizing their every life choice in the last 3 years, including things that aren't their fault.
Now my GF and her sister are both crying their eyes out at their house, and she thinks that if we pretend to break up, they'll stop being such huge dicks. We were and still are planning to do long distance while I'm at college, but she wants to hide it from her parents now. In the words of 4chan, wat do? | GF's parents are being dicks and suddenly hate me. She wants to pretend to break up so they'll stop. Wat do? |
t3_4mdgxq | relationships | Boyfriend is using Craigslist and Okcupid to masturbate to... Is this really all he is doing? | Boyfriend (m24) and I (f22) have been together for about 4 years. I think has been emailing other women through Craigslist and dating websites because that's how he said he likes to masturbate. Because it feels more 'real'. I saw his OkCupid account two years into our relationship, this has been deleted, but he was still messaging another woman on there too. I forbade it, because I considered it cheating. I have also been on his phone and have seen nude photos from other women. I'm not sure if he is still doing this, but I have a hard time trusting him still after all of this.
He has also traveled to other cities and I've seen him looking on personals in that same city. He was using my laptop at the time, and was signed into my account so I saw everything on my browser history on my phone. I'm not sure if he cheated on me because he said this is how he likes to get off. The last time I confronted him about this he said that this isn't the way he wants to live his life, and stopped what he was doing.
If he was willing to lie to me about this before, then I am afraid he might do it again. He is a wonderful partner besides all of this and I want to know how to go about this and talk to him. He knows that I know everything, but I just want him to tell me the truth of he did cheat. Or if this is considered cheating. Fuck, I don't know anymore... | Boyfriend knows likes to masturbate using Craigslist and has done this for the past three years against my wishes. I would've never found out about this if I hadn't discovered the emails, photos, etc. What next?. |
t3_4t9ldq | relationships | Not sure if I (24F) like my friend (23/m) that I messed around with I am so confused. | So I am a private person so it's hard for me to talk about these things with my friends so I'm hoping to get some opinions here. I have a friend who lives kind of far from me but we met up last month for a road trip and hang out a bit. Anyway I used to have a small crush on him that went away over time and he has always made it clear he just sees me as a friend. Another thing that may be relevant or not is that I was his first kiss and sexual experience which he has said previously he would not just give to anyone.
One night when we were staying alone at a hotel we ended up making out and some other stuff. We did not have sex but pretty much did everything else. We did that 3 nights in a row then we both had to part ways. He said that he hoped this didn't change anything and we should still be friends. At the time I agreed I had no romantic feelings.
However, recently I can't stop thinking about what we did and how passionate it was. I don't think I've ever had such a passionate make out session as that it really felt like he had been wanting to do that for a long time though that might be wishful thinking. I also can't stop thinking about how I want to do more sexual things with him and I am so confused. I can't tell if I have developed romantic feelings for him or if I'm just lusting really hard since we didn't get to have sex and I really, really wanted to.
Also, our friends have always said we would be a good couple and I always dismissed their comments because I just saw him as a friend but recently I have been thinking, are they right?
How can I tell if I like him as more than a friend? Any input would be appreciated. | Messed around with a really close friend and now I'm not sure if I have romantic feelings or just lust or something else??? |
t3_vf352 | relationship_advice | [25/M] MY GF [25/F] of 3 months has me suspicious, am I justified? | So we are in a long distance relationship she lives about 50 minutes away so we can't see each other often with our work schedules. But the reason I think I should break up with her is because I think she is cheating on me. Before I went up to see her she told me that her and her friend had gotten into a pinch fight and she had bruises, when I saw here she had bruises on her nipples. Also she was telling me today how she has a cut on her thigh which is pretty high in her inner thigh when she showed me it via pic and that one of her guy friend saw it when she was wearing shorts and the band aid came loose. I am suspicious of that because she was talking to me about her cut and that sorta slipped out and then back tracked and said the band aid came loose and that's how he saw it. Also, I wont be able to see her till at least a week because of her retail work schedule so I'm kinda fed up with this situation. What should I do? | Girlfriend lives far away has bruises that I'm suspicious were caused by another guy. Guy saw a cut she had on her inner thigh and I'm suspicious of that also. |
t3_2hbpjb | relationships | I [24M] am having trouble letting go of my recent ex [32F] and considering whether or not it is a mistake to break up | Hi there,
I recently broke up with my ex girlfriend of 10 months and I am having doubts as to whether I am making a mistake with letting her go. We both love each other however I feel somewhat not ready for the level of commitment she is asking of me. The main issue for me is the 8-year age gap and the fact that her life is not sorted out. She is at a crossroads and wants me to weigh in on a large decision she needs to make in the next couple of months:
Whether to study in the country where we currently reside, or return back to her home country where her family is.
This decision seems to hinge on whether I am willing to support her while she studies here, and this would imply moving in together and living a shared life. I feel like she is asking me for too much too soon, and in that point I feel powerless to keep her otherwise as she is unhappy in the current situation. I can imagine a life together but it feels like there needs to be a leap of faith from me.
Is it also strange that I feel that moving in together would be tantamount to getting married? I always imagined dating someone for a couple years before moving in or considering marriage at all.
I am still living at home and my parents are heavily against moving out, especially with a girl before marriage, which complicates things to a further degree.
I care about her deeply, but I am unable to think clearly about the situation I am in and the feelings I am overwhelmed with when I think about what I could be losing.
Any constructive thoughts would be much appreciated. | May be regretting breaking up with a girl who is 8 years older and asking for a large commitment from me, otherwise whom I deeply care about |
t3_1ej17y | relationships | How can a guy [25] propose to his GF [24] where it's a complete surprise? (Cliche, I know - but I am seriously over-thinking this and could use some help!) | I always thought that when the time came I would have a million ideas on how I would propose but I am drawing blanks on a lot of levels. I've been sitting on a ring now for about a month trying to find the perfect way and the perfect time to propose. **I know she already has an idea as we're both on the same page and both want to get married but I want it to be a complete surprise and I want it to be special. I want the story to be something she's proud to tell, you know?** She thinks I'm saving for a ring right now, pretty sure she doesn't know I already have it. She's told me she's ready and jokingly said the other day that she'd take a paper ring if she had to. So I folded a paper (origami) ring but I have no idea how to incorporate it into the actual proposal. It doesn't hold the actual ring (inside) well at all and I'm not going to use tape to keep it in there.
**A couple of things:**
* I want it to be private.
* I'd like to film it or record it secretly and surprise her at the wedding.
* I would prefer to present the ring in the box but am considering presenting it a different way (while still getting down on one knee). | I'm just over-thinking this and could use some fresh eyes/ideas. I know this is probably a cliche post but I thought I'd give it a shot. Thanks for your help! |
t3_4p0f0b | relationships | having a hard time notComparing myself [20 M] to my girlfriends [23 F] ex-bf [24 F] | My girlfriend swears she is happy in our relationship. We have been together a year and have a wonderful relationship, but I feel like I am not good enough a lot of the time. A lot of it stems from me not being of age to go to a bar (just 5 months shy now) so we have to make alternate plans. I had also only been with one girl prior to our relationship and feel like she's a lot more experienced than me, which is great and all, but it does leave me feeling bad about myself sometimes. She claims her ex boyfriend was super controlling and verbally abusive, and she's much happier with how our relationship is now, but I've personally met her boyfriend on a few occasions and did not get this vibe at all. They also are semi-friendly and keep in touch, and this bothers me. I have tried addressing this to her several times and she just kind of shrugs it off and is not very convincing to me about the whole thing. I don't want to be controlling towards her so I sort of let it slide. So Reddit, am I being paranoid or weird about the situation, or is there a real flaw in our relationship? | my girlfriend is older and more experienced, and keeps in touch with her older ex bf. Should I be concerned? |
t3_hey40 | AskReddit | Reddit, what was your most frustrating experience with a 'retard'? | I was in gym class, there was this special kid, who was completely fucking wacko. He thought he was in some sort of dragon ball z world, 24/7. He was ripped,I mean this kid was literally retard strong, but clearly had some sort of mental deficiency.
Any way, one day in gym, this kid starts yelling at me, like he is the coach. He tells me to drop on my face and do 20 push ups. I told him no. He starts going on this tirade, pushing me, poking me in the chest, getting really in my face.
By this time I am panicking, what do I do, I can't fight him, because I will be called "that kid who beats up retards" , But if I let him hit me, I am "the kid who got beat up by a retard."
As soon as i process how fucked I am, and after repeatedly telling him to stop, leave me alone, I dont want to fight, he cocks back, and throws a right hook in my jaw, full force. Before I know what has happened I tackled Him and put him in a sort of half nelson sleeper hold. I made sure It was clear he wasnt whooping my ass, and that i wasnt hurting him.
The rest of the year at that high school, I was the kid who got beat up by a retard. I really fucking hated the kid for the situation he put me in, but despite my desire to get even, I let him be, and I never let people get to me who taunted me about it. | Retard strong Retarded kid picked a fight with me, I opted not to retaliate, and was known as the kid who got his ass whooped by a retard. |
t3_28qbtu | relationships | Me [24 F] with my boyfriend [25 M] 6 months, short-description | My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months, and this is his first relationship. He's not very in tune with his feelings, and it's been an issue. Before we dated, he never was in a relationship because he never was interested. He's an attractive, wealthy for our age man, and kind. Last night he told me that he doesn't know and has never known if he wants to be in a relationship even with me, but that he has done all of this because he knew it's what I wanted and that I wouldn't accept less. We've never had any conversations about that concept (beyond that I wouldn't sleep with him until we were monogamous) but he is right.
He says that he loves me and wants only me. He doesn't want to date anyone else, and wants to spend a lot of time together. He keeps saying that he doesn't know if he wants a relationship though. What is he describing? I don't understand, and have never had someone say things like this. Anyone with any experience or insight on what this means? Is it a nice way of getting out? | He says that he knows he loves me, and knows that he wants only me. But he doesn't know if he wants a relationship. Any male insight, or females that have experienced this that can help me understand? |
t3_4t1v6n | relationships | My ex-bf [34m] and I [31f] went to a movie, but he seemed guilty about it. I think he might have a gf, and I am not sure how to delicately ask him about this. Help? | My ex boyfriend and I dated for about a year and a half. We broke up around February of this year, and since then have kept in contact.
We live very close to each other, and on Monday of this week he suggested we go see a movie on Thursday (yesterday). But on Wednesday I saw him driving with a girl in his passenger seat, seemingly going to dinner (who knows, honestly). When I saw him on Friday he initially acted guilty by looking at the floor a lot but eventually loosened up. Still, it was odd, and I know him well enough to know whether he feels confident or happy or relaxed, and he wasn't. I asked him what was new in his life and tried to give him a window to say whether he was seeing someone. But he just talked about how horrible work has been and how he's been going to therapy twice a week, etc. Sort of turned it into this "woe is me" thing. He's very sensitive and also doesn't want to hurt me. I would think if he did have a girlfriend, he wouldn't tell me with the intent of protecting my feelings.
The movie was very pleasant, he insisted on paying for my ticket, and even wanted to get ice cream afterwards but the shop had closed. It felt quite date-like.
My issue with this is, while I can't assume he even considered that a date, I myself feel uncomfortable doing that kind of thing if he has a girlfriend. If I were his girlfriend, I would not want him taking an ex girlfriend to a movie.
Is it appropriate for me to ask whether he is seeing someone, or should I wait? If so, how can I approach this without seeming accusatory or without making him feel really uncomfortable? Can I bring up seeing him the other day? I'm not good at phrasing and am often too confrontational so any advice is appreciated. Thank you. | I'd like to know whether it's appropriate to ask my ex if he is dating someone, and how to do this kindly and in a non-confrontational way |
t3_27qy3d | relationship_advice | Would it be inappropriate to ask him (M/20) to hang out (F/20)? | We used to work together a couple of years ago and were very close friends who shared everything with each other. He was one of the few people I felt comfortable opening up to. A few months ago, after nearly 2 years of not seeing each other he came in to my workplace and later that night spent about an hour and a half on the phone just talking about common interests and everything that's been going on in our lives. I forgot just how much I missed him as that was the greatest conversation I've had in a long time with anyone. We made plans, but never were able to go through with them so we just stopped speaking again.
Anyways, today after ages of not seeing him, he came into my workplace and we talked for 20 minutes or so which reminded me of just how much I missed having him in my life. He told me I hadn't changed at all. He asked me if I was still seeing my boyfriend and I told him I was. I asked him where he's living and he told me he got a place with his girlfriend, and told me that she's great etc.
Anyways, like I said it reminded me of how much I miss having friends like him in my life. The issue is, we both had feelings for each other when we were working together years ago. Nothing ever happened between us as we only told each other afterwards.
Anyways, I was hoping he and I could go out for coffee or play videogames (as friends ofc) but I'm not sure if that's inappropriate considering we're in relationships. | saw my old coworker today (both used to have feelings for each other but nothing happened), would it be inappropriate to ask him to hang out if we're both in serious relationships? |
t3_wlcy4 | relationships | Boyfriend's female friend moving in next door, I don't trust her. | So. Me and my BF have been together for a year, we're both 21.
When he was in a previous relationship he toed the line with a female friend of his. They flirted heavily and actually decided to be some form of fuck buddies. I´ve talked to him about this, and he told me they never actually had sex, and became friends instead. It doesn't change the fact that they were picking out a time and place for a hookup, and he was in a relationship at the time.
Fast forward a few years, they are still good friends, she's moving into the neighbourhood, and I'm freaking out. Should I be worried? | Boyfriend borderline cheated on his ex in the past. Is still friends with the girl he toed the line with. Now she's moving in next door. |
t3_30yolk | tifu | TIFU by trusting my boyfriend | This happened two nights ago. After leaving a restaurant, my boyfriend and I were preparing ourselves to jog to his new truck, as it was raining lightly. I find myself not being able to enter through the passenger door, so I tell him that I'll just enter through the door behind his. My boyfriend asks if I'm coming up to the front, I tell him I am and begin my careful climb to the front seat. I should mention that he is slowly getting out of the parking spot, so I tell him to stop driving so I could get to the front safely. I didn't want to ruin the inside of his new car with my wet shoes. He said I should just climb up to the front anyway...I shouldn't have listened to him. I placed my left foot down in front and grabbed hold of the windshield awkwardly, looking like the creepy chick from The Grudge crawling everywhere. Suddenly, I'm jerked forward: forehead hits the windshield, I scrape my elbow and hurt my hand and arm. I yell "What the hell?! WHY DID YOU BREAK?!" And he's there laughing his ass off because he's hit the breaks on purpose. I have never heard him laugh so hard in all the time I've known him. I awkwardly sit down and buckle myself in and nurse my hand, which hurts most and try and figure out if I want to cry or laugh more. He actually didn't know how well the breaks would work. Well, now he knows. | Boyfriend hits the breaks on new car while I climb to the front, didn't know how powerful they were. I got slightly injured. |
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