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t3_w6cu9 | dogs | How do I keep the neighbors from killing my dog? aka How to keep a rural dog happy? | I have a dog. His name is Wawa. Hound/Basenji mix if I had to guess. I am a first time dog owner. I live with grandparents over 75 and my mother over 50. We live in a rural area, although our road has the feel of a suburb. The houses aren't spaced to far apart.
We've had yard dogs in the past and we've had reason to believe many of them were murdered. As far as I know, it's been a threat against our dog's life and boom. Missing.
Wawa is different. He is mostly an inside dog. He is sweet and friendly but young and full of energy. I feel like he needs outside time to frolic. He will go and usually come back in a few hours. One neighbor has no issue with Wawa and welcomes him to play with his dogs. But there are still known dog murderers. (One is a breeder, who didn't like our intact male sniffing around. Keeping him pinned was impossible. His name was Houdini. nuff said)
The alternative is to place him on a long tether in the yard. It's attached to a metal clothesline and has access to shade. He stays for a few hours/ Being a first time dog owner, I don't know what to do. The house is spilt on what to do. The old folks are terrified someone will kill him. I would be more relaxed if they were. | My dog is at risk of being murdered by evil bastards but I want him to frolic. Is it cruel to tether my dog in the yard to protect him? |
t3_zu6mu | AskReddit | What material is this toy frog made out of? It's melted a hole in my TV! | Hey, Reddit. I used to work in a crappy carnival-like place that had a game called "Frog Bog" where you take a hammer and catapult these frogs into moving lily pads. When they decided to get rid of the game, I took one for myself.
**PICS**:
When I first got it, i remember it being moist for at least a couple of months (it was a water game, and they were always drenched). I would keep it in a paper towel for days at a time until I decided to change it out.
After it dried out, I'd leave it on wood surfaces, it would just leave a frog shaped stain on there that's easy to clean off.
But for the past 10 months, I've left it on top of my TV and I've noticed some plastic buildup around the edges of the frog, like usual, but after trying harder than usual to remove it, I uncover this hole! | Got a frog from a carnie game, placed it atop old TV for nearly a year, plastic of TV has melted and left a hole. |
t3_302z2q | relationships | I [21 F] and my boyfriend of 1.5 years [21 M] have lived together since before we started dating. How do I tell him I want to live separately? | We were friends, but didn't know each other well until we both moved in to a group house. Being youthful, love-struck idiots, we started dating despite the grimaces of our other housemates. It was a rocky several months, but we stayed together and now we share an apartment, so we have lived together for the entirety of our relationship.
Our lease is ending soon. I would really like more privacy and more control over my space. I struggle with sharing a bed, with the smell of his cigarettes and weed, and his messiness. I'm only 21 and I've never had the opportunity to live alone. I love him, but I don't see the sense in us living like a married couple at this age.
Those are the basics; emotional considerations to follow.
I'm afraid he'd be crushed and would hate living alone. I'm afraid he'd see it as the end of our relationship, or the beginning of the end, and I don't want that. And yet, part of me is afraid that the very idea means I'll never be able to commit fully to a relationship, even a perfect one.
He's going through a difficult time and has said openly that he expects to depend a lot on me in the coming year. I don't know that I can be the support that he wants as I am barely getting my own life together and expect to have a very busy year ahead of me. But I love him and want to care for him, so why am I struggling so much that I now want to put distance between us?
But I'm only 21! Yes, it's the same age at which my grandmother married and had her first child, but that's not my life or my world. If anyone has experience with a similar situation, where do you see this going? Am I going to have to make living with him work if I want the relationship to last? I'm at a loss. I don't know whether to blame myself or him or no one. And meanwhile, he's oblivious to the struggle I'm having over this. I can't even stand to bring it up with him yet. | I've lived with my boyfriend since before we started dating. How can I even begin to suggest that we live separately, given that I love him and want to stay with him? |
t3_1yce69 | relationships | How can I [27 M] explain to my close friend [37F] just met over a month ago, that I just want to be friends without hurting her feelings? | First off, I apologize for my English - I am trying my best to make it clear.
OK so we have been introduced through someone because we are both new expats in the same country.
So we met at the airport - it was our first day here. We went apartment searching together, went furniture shopping together, and mainly went through all the 'expat procedures' together.
I helped her a lot with all the handy work at her new apartment, so last time after installing her washing machine she jumped and kissed me. She is really beautiful, smart, funny, nothing is wrong about her.
But I haven't been in a nice relationship for a few years now and I feel like I want to find someone my age, shares the same interests, and just kind of settle down a little bit - girlfriend/boyfriend way.
As for this friend, she is about 10 or so years older than me and that's just not what I am looking for at the moment. I am actually meeting a nice young lady at the gym and we're kind of getting to know each other.
But, my friend just got a divorce a couple if years ago and to better understand this: divorce in our society is still very uncommon, I know because when my mom got divorced I was by her side and I saw all the sh*t she had to go through.
So I guess my friend is passing through the same.
So we have to understand that she is exceptionally fragile at the moment, and it seems like she needs someone. I tried to become her friend but she keeps implying *every day* that she needs more from me.
To make it worse, we both now live in Iraq - so it not very easy to find a 'partner' here even among expats.
I know we are new friends, but being from the same country and coincidentally moving to the same city in Iraq at the same time and going through all the tough times here in this lonely town just made us open to each other.
She is a very nice person and I don't want to hurt her feelings. | How can I explain to my already heartbroken older friend that I just want to be friends, without hurting her feelings? |
t3_1ltryk | AskReddit | How do I become better at analyizing Liturature? | Well I have noticed that when reading a book, poem, excerpt I have a hard time analyzing it ie. What is the idea, augment, mood? An example is when I was reading The Great Gatsby. We were asked to analyze the text in chapters and underline anything that was important. I would either underline something that wasn't very important, or I would underline something important but not understand why and not be able to understand the author's argument. I understand something after it is pointed out and I can connect the evidence to a thesis however, IM VERY BAD at initially pointing things out or gathering an idea and finding evidence for it. So, My question is: How can I improve my analyzing skills to understand arguments/ create thesis's? | I'm very bad at analyzing text, specifically finding the authors argument. How can I improve my analyzing skills to understand arguments/ create theses? |
t3_38pnzf | relationships | Me [27 M] with my girlfriend [21 F] of about a month, she's smothering me with affection, and I've been lying to get time to myself. What should I do? | So, my girlfriend and I have been going out for about a month, and I'm not sure how I feel about the relationship. She seems to be smothering me with affection, but I don't feel the same way. I mean, I like her a lot, but I'm not in love with her, but she's way head over heels over me.
Like, this weekend she wants me to spend the night and meet her family, and I spent a weekend with her before and it was all about sex for her, like she wanted way more than I felt like giving. I was exhausted afterwards and she wanted more. I've never been in a relationship like this, where she was more into it than I was, and I don't know how to respond.
I think I might try and pick up hours at work as an excuse to get out of it, just because I worked 6 days in a row this week and I need some me time. I mean, I don't want to break up with her because it's been years since I had a steady relationship, but I feel like it's physically exhausting and I don't want to spend all this time with her. | My girlfriend is smothering me with affection and I don't know how to respond, should I tell her we should take it more slowly or should I tell her how I feel about the whole thing? |
t3_3mo1v0 | Dogtraining | Training a 1.5yo male papillon mix troubles. | I've been Fostering-to-Adopt this male, 1.5 yo Papillon mix and I'm having a hard time training him.
BACKGROUND: I currently have a 14yo Chihuahua-Shepard mix that I trained by myself when I was like 12 and she is absolutely perfectly trained. She knows all the basic commands (Sit, down, stay, come, roll over, get down, drop it, go away). So, I know that I'm able to train correctly at least.
TRAINING METHOD: I use rewards (both of them like treats) and I guide my 1.5yo into a sit position, and apply a verbal command at the same time. When he does it, I reward with a treat. I worked on it for several days (Short training sessions once or twice a day) and throughout the day I will apply what he learned: tell him to sit before going outside, getting his meals etc. He'll do it only once in awhile, but gets really distracted or just "decides" not to do it. When he is stubborn, I will not open the door or put down the food bowl until he sits. I'm just hoping he'll get the hang of "sit" the more we work on it. Now, we're working on "down" and he will only do it if there's a treat in my hand. As soon as there's no treat, he will just look at me like he has no idea what "down" means. I will vary the rewards: sometimes he'll get a pet, sometimes he'll get a lick of the treat and sometimes he'll get the whole treat so he doesn't just expect food all the time.
Meanwhile, we're working on good potty habits and walking nicely on a leash (he loves chasing the rabbits in my neighborhood, though, and gets distracted/pulls).
CONCLUSION: I am just feeling overwhelmed and not sure what else I can be doing. Maybe he's a different personality or just slower than my older dog? Any tips? | My 1.5yo Papillon mix isn't picking up on training very quickly and sometimes won't do commands unless there's food. Tips? |
t3_3gln6c | jobs | Can I fix this wage negotiation faux-pas? | Today I attended an open house for a non profit staffing agency. I'm a recent college grad looking for temp work while I explore other permanent opportunities. I've never had a salary before, and the highest I was ever paid was 9/hr. Of course, that was before I had to start paying back my student loans.
Anyway, when the recruiter asked me my salary requirements, I froze. I said I'm an entry level professional and hadn't really thought about my requirements, so she asked me my hourly requirement. I said I've been paid minimum wage in the past, so I'd be comfortable with that (I'm cringing as I type this). She put down 11/hr on the application form and invited me for a formal interview next week.
I'm wondering if I have the chance to request a higher amount at the formal interview, or if that would be akin to shooting myself in the foot. If I had known they'd ask me my requirements at the open house, I would have done my research. However, I can't afford to not be working so I don't want to risk asking for something higher if that would mean I wouldn't get the job. Should I bring this issue up at my interview? Should I wait and see if they ask about it again? OR should I just accept I messed up and not bring it up at all? | entry level professional, requested minimum wage at an open house temp recruitment event, unsure if I can ask for more at the formal interview next week |
t3_33typx | relationships | He (32/M) has an insanely demanding career. I'm (27/F) not looking for anything serious, but should I cut this off? | I met this guy at my job working late nights at a bar. He was a regular customer on my shifts for months. He gave me his number a little over a month ago and we've hung out maybe 5 times. We both work a lot but he works A LOT more. He's also on call pretty much 24/7 whereas I have a set schedule. He is always cancelling plans or moving them later, or he'll show up and he's tired and doesn't feel well.
I try to be understanding. I know what it's like to work all the time and not have the time or energy to maintain a social life. I also really like him. He's very sweet and I can now tell that he actually cares and isn't just stringing me along. We have a really great time when we hang out, great conversation and overall connection. I've been to his house and know for a fact that there is no girlfriend or anything (He didn't have toilet paper in his upstairs bathroom. Duh.) He'll text me all day while he's at work and call me before he goes to sleep to let me know he's thinking about me. Sometimes he'll stop into my job with his friends from work just to say hi, only to get called into work again. I know he's frustrated by it too. He swears his job will ease up in the summer, but I don't really believe him.
I'm not really looking for a serious commitment or relationship, but I don't know if it's really healthy for me to feel emotionally attached in any way to a man who really has no time for me other than phonecalls and once-a-week short hangouts. On the other hand, maybe this is OK for me because I don't have a lot of time to invest in a relationship either? I'm confused. | Guy I'm seeing is on call 24/7 and has very little time, always cancels plans and is late. Should I flip the switch and tell him it isn't gonna work? |
t3_1odqy5 | AskReddit | Have you ever done something that you knew, objectively, was a bad idea, but you were still proud? | After a bad breakup, (is relevant later) I was approached by a very elegant woman on the street. She was very nicely dressed, walked over from a fancy car, and shook my hand, asking if I had money.
You see, her daughter lived about four hours from where we were, and she had a piano recital later that day, so this woman needed gas money.
My first instinct was disbelief. In my city, there are so many panhandlers that I pass at least 10 a day. However, there was something different about this woman. i don't know if it was the fact that she approached me specifically, or that she seemed genuinly like she needed help, or that she was complementing me and asking for help very politely, but I wanted to help her.
I drove to another location, withdrew money, all the while being careful that she wasn't going to call a friend to rob me or anything. I gave her $40, which was way more than I could afford, but I wanted to help.
She thanked me, asked how she could repay me, and I told her to just pass it along.
To this day, my family gives me shit about this. "She was just using you," "she probably doesn't even have a daughter," blah blah blah. I think the point is that I don't care. After the bad breakup, I was feeling shitty about myself, since I had been abused, and I just wanted to feel like a good person again. Even if she used that money for drugs, I feel good because I did something even though I knew she couldn't repay me. | gave too much money to a begging woman, family said I was being stupid, but I just liked being able to help. |
t3_1a2l4b | relationships | 24m cheated on 24f gf | Hello,
I've been dating my gf for about 4 months. Before that we were really good friends and I'm extremely close with her. We've had some issues but overall I really care about her a ton.
Last weekend I went to a show in Toronto (a few hours from us) with some friends. Guys + girls but gf couldn't come. We got absolutely shit faced, in a drunken stupor ended up taking some mdma. In these shows you're dancing super close to everyone.
Anyway, I ended up dancing *really* sexually with her best friend (who happens to be in a long term relationship AND one of my best girl friends). I was like grinding behind her, holding her hand, hands down her pants (nothing past intense groping). I remember telling her that I love my gf but I just really need someone to be high with. No kissing, we're with other friends, no one else notices.
We come down from the high. I'm instantly like fuck fuck fuck I crossed my own line big time. I talk to the girl the next morning and we're both like 'totally we were just high, nothing more would ever have happened, but nobody can know'.
This situation has never come up for me. I would feel super betrayed if roles were reversed. I'm not sure what to do now. I fucking love my gf I totally fucked up. I was high and drunk to the point of blackout but that's not an excuse. I don't want to crush her right now either. I will never put myself in that scenario again, fuck...
Advice? Tell? Don't tell?
I'm also in kind of a weird spot because it's my gf and one of my best girl friends. So it's fucking one of them over either way. I'm leaning towards just burying this forever. | heavily groped gf's best friend while high on MDMA. She's also one of my good friends. We agreed to take this to the grave. Thoughts? |
t3_2zlhjm | relationships | I [17M] really really like this girl [17M] but just can't talk to her... | Hi, I'm pretty sure that trivial stuff like this is not welcome on this subreddit, but I'm trying anyway. Help me out if you can. There is this girl in my high school who I like quite a bit and would love to get to know. She seems quite nice and is not intimidating or anything. However, for some reason, I just can't bring myself to go up and talk to her. I usually find it easy to talk girls who are classmates and stuff, but oddly, with her, it seems just about impossible for me to muster up the courage and say something to her.
How do I get over this? | I like a girl, and usually don't have trouble talking to girls, but can't seem to even say Hi to this girl. |
t3_1saist | relationships | My brother [M31] is keeping a secret from his girlfriend [F29] of two years. Is this a deal breaker? | Definitely a throwaway. I've found similar situations/threads but nothing that helps me in this situation. So I'm here for help!
My brother lives out of state and will be coming home for Christmas this year. He's also bringing his girlfriend of two years and they will be staying at my parent's house while visiting.
My brother is a great guy and he really loves his girlfriend but he's keeping a secret from her. Personally, I don't think it's a big deal but he's asked my parents and I to not "slip up" when she's here. This is going to sound stupid but he has had a handful of cosmetic surgeries in the past and is self conscious of it. He doesn't want her to know and would just rather pretend it never happened. He says it's his "old life."
I'm totally fine with this and would NEVER say anything to begin with. It's not my place and it's none of my business. However, my father is terrible at keeping secrets, especially the older he gets. So obviously my brother is a little worried, which is making me worry.
So I guess my question is... If you were my brother's girlfriend and you found out about this secret, how would it make you feel? | I want Christmas to go smoothly for my family but my father is getting a little older and absent minded, so I'm afraid he'll let the cat out of the bag. |
t3_4iqf50 | relationships | I (21F) am lonely and miss my boyfriend (21M), is there anything I can do? | I've been with my boyfriend 2.5 years. We go to the same college and have different hometowns. This is our third summer apart. I thought it would get easier but it's only gotten more difficult.
I miss him so much, not just sexually but emotionally. He's my best friend and I can't confide in anyone the way I do with him.
It's only been three days since we got out of school and I'm lonely. He has a lot of younger siblings so he's busy all day. I get a text or two per day, and we have arrangements to call each other once a week. I find myself wanting to talk more often than that, but I know he's busy. Meanwhile, I'm just alone at home. My parents are at work and my sister's still in school. I try to keep myself busy with TV, books, etc but it's just so quiet here. I find myself leaving the TV on all day to have some company.
Is it normal for me to feel this lonely? Is there anything I can do about it? | I'm all alone at home for the summer and don't have any company, I miss my boyfriend more than I should. |
t3_isdna | AskReddit | Reddit, if you could do one thing to make your life more fulfilling, what would you do? | My reason for asking you this question stems from this inner-dissonance I've been experiencing for about a year, and it seems to build up more and more as each day comes and goes. College, as much as I enjoy the social life, simply hasn't made me happy. Work has become tedious and mundane. Living at home is a nightmare; as much as I love my mom for being a mom and all that she does for me, we are each two polarizing personalities. My tolerance is dwindling, while the tension is rising. I turn 20 tomorrow, and yes, although I recognize that I am still young, there's an empty void in my life that I aspire to fill in some way, shape, or form. My independent, adventurous personality and I are eager to get out Southern California and experience something different already. Recently I've been seriously considering following my father's footsteps and joining the US Air Force. It's always been a fascination of mine, and I assume would certainly present me with opportunities to travel the world.
So to spare your eyes of anymore "me, me, me" talk, Reddit, this where your vast array of intellect, experience, knowledge, and insightfulness come into play... | If given the chance to go do something amazing, what would it be? How would you proceed to do so? Share your ideas and thoughts. |
t3_1zbl33 | relationships | Hooking up has distorted my [19/m] view of what a normal relationship should be and I can't tell if mine is in good shape. (gf is 20/f) | I have been living the "single college student life" for the last year and after going through drama of my own in that realm I decided to seek out a long term relationship. Seven weeks ago I met a smart, funny, beautiful young woman at school and things got going really fast. There is a lot of passion between us. When we aren't out (i.e. at her place) half our time is spend making out, having sex, or otherwise fooling around. The only thing is, this is pretty much how we define the relationship, and the passion is there, but the connection is..... adequate.
She is much less experienced than I am. She hasn't hooked up or had a stable/long term relationship before. And because of this, I think she is confusing lust/desire for me with an actual care for me. It hasn't even been two months and she is "madly in love" with me. This makes me uncomfortable. I like her, but not nearly as much as she likes me. According to her, I am perfect for her because we have stuff in common and I treat her like a human being and pay attention to her. All of which is true, but that's like, the bare minimum standard for me. To me, she just feels like a good friend. We can hang out and enjoy each other's company for a long while, but we never get into mind blowing conversations and she can't really understand most of my experiences (she was also home-schooled and sheltered.)
Basically, her presence to me is comforting and very enjoyable, but not fun and exciting. Part of me wants to say I am forcing this relationship, but another part of me says that this tension is normal so early in a relationship, and that I need to give it more time for my feelings to grow (which I see as feasible since on paper she is that kind of girl I want.) But I really don't know, because as I mentioned before, I have been hooking up all year and all I remember how to do is continue relationships based on sexual needs. | Should my relationship feel more like a "spark", or should I be content with my friendship with this girl I'm dating? |
t3_z8plv | relationship_advice | [28/m] My girlfriend [24/f] keeps displaying bad judgement. Should this be a dealbreaker or how do I get her to stop? | Throwaway account just because. We've been together for 4 years but for the next year or so we will be doing a LDR. This isn't really a problem for me, the problem that I've noticed with her over the course of our relationship is that she can sometimes have horrible judgement.
Most recently, she decided that it was acceptable to, alone, get in the car of an older guy she had just met a few days ago because they had some mutual interest. I just can't comprehend how she could have thought this was a good idea without taking any precautions for her safety like bringing another person along. She doesn't do this kind of thing every day, but when she does show bad judgement, she goes big.
I'm considering marrying this girl but behavior like this makes me question her fitness as a possible parent in the future. If she displays bad judgement with regard to her own personal safety, how would I be able to trust her with the safety of my future child? Should this kind of behavior be a dealbreaker? If it's fixable, how can I bring it up or display my great concern without coming off as a condescending dick? | Girlfriend displays horrible judgement sometimes, should this be enough to call it quits or how can I get her to stop without being an asshole? |
t3_2ot7h2 | relationships | I [28M] was sorting my wife's [21F] junk mail (bills, etc.) and found old love notes from a soon-to-be-released prisoner | We got married about 2 years after meeting, and I'd seen a couple of letters come from this guy in the mail during that time. My wife told me that he was just a friend from school and I was being silly getting annoyed about them. I never saw their content, but she said it was a friend so I let it go.
At the bottom of her bag of junk were a few cards from this guy, and they're all loaded with talk about how much he loves her and can't wait to be with her again when he gets out in 2015. He's been in prison since 2012.
It wouldn't bother me so much (I don't think) if she hadn't lied to me and said he was just an old friend, when they clearly had a relationship in the past and this guy seems to think they're getting back together when he gets out.
I haven't spoken with my wife yet. What do I do? | Inmate intends on getting back together with my wife when he gets out of prison. Wife lied and said he was a friend only. |
t3_ykjxh | relationships | 2nd Anniversary and his birthday are coming up, and my mind is blank. What can I [22/f] get or do for my boyfriend[23]? | His birthday is a week beforehand. I do have the weekend off in between those dates? We already planned a zoo outing for photography, but I don't feel like it's enough.
I don't have much money to spend (<50$) so I can't get him shinies or things he could use.
One major downside is that we work staggered shift work and won't see each other from 8am - 9pm on both birthday and anniversary.
I would like to make something for him (crafts?).
I have SCOURED the internet for amigurumi patterns, woodworking projects, anything that fits his interests that I could make and there's nothing :( I'm not talented enough to make something from scratch, I need a pattern, etc.
He's a PC gamer, and loves Foo Fighters, Tenacious D, athiesm and cool science stuff.
Neither of us are incredibly romantic, but I know he likes the notion. Anything I find is just stupidly cheesy, or I've done it before.
I might make him a massive afghan blanket, or something for work (office setting) but again, my mind is BLANK for the content.
I'm hoping I can get some creative ideas here :) Please and thank you! | No idea what to get bf for birthday+anniversary. Willing to make crafts, or plan event but cannot think of content. Here for ideas. |
t3_259j0d | relationships | My [22 F] very good friend [24 M] was brought up on child pornography charges | This is obviously a throwaway.
My very good friend was just charged with possession and distribution of child pornography a few days ago. I don't know any of the details besides his means of distribution and the number of files he had on his computer.
I am heartbroken. I've known him since I was 6 years old and we were great friends in high school. He was recently (~1.5 months ago) was diagnosed with stage 2 testicular cancer and is currently undergoing chemo. I was the center of his support team when he was diagnosed/going through his first round of chemo (it was to the point where he was calling me his only friend). He's always been a little quirky, but this has never crossed my mind (nor should it have).
I am having a difficult time coping with this - it feels like grieving the loss of a friend. And, somehow, I feel this is a bit of a reflection of my character judgement (I'm in the field of psychology and am feeling as though I should have known or picked up on some aspect of his behavior that was a 'clue'). Right now, I am completely disgusted, sad, and angry. Has anyone gone through something similar? Does anyone have any suggestions of how to deal? | My very good friend with stage 2 testicular cancer was just charged with possession and distribution of child pornography a few days ago. Has anyone gone through something similar? Does anyone have any suggestions of how to deal? |
t3_504jhg | loseit | How do I wean myself off of fruit? Anyone have fun alternatives to eating? | SW: 153/CW: 126/GW1: 120
Hey everyone!
I've lost a little over twenty pounds at this point, but I'm plateauing hard. The thing is, I know the culprit but I just can't seem to nix it. Fruit.
I'm allergic to an obscene amount of foods and the rest I'm intolerant to. Okay, that's an exaggeration, but a lot of things hurt me to eat. The one sweet thing that I thought would be good to my stomach is fruit, but alas, even that seems to wreak havoc on my gut. I get majorly bloated and plateau, or sometimes even gain weight, when I eat it.
I know why I eat fruit. I haven't had anything sweet, anything even remotely treat-like, for two months now, and I'm starting to feel cheated. Especially when my family gets ice cream and cake and pie and chocolate. Now I know with CICO you can eat anything so long as it fits your calories, but I didn't stop eating certain things because I wanted to lose weight; I stopped eating them because they hurt my stomach/I'm allergic to them. So fruit would take the place of those things I can no longer eat! Or so I thought, but it seems I have issues with fruit too.
I know I could always moderate my food intake (in theory), but because of a history of eating disorders I tend to do all or nothing. And that really works for me.
Is there anything that I could do instead of fruit? I'm not asking for specific recipes, but does anyone have ideas for ways I could treat myself that DON'T involve food? Or does anyone have stories of having to seperate from a food they loved and how they got through that? I realize two problems with me eating fruit. One, it hurts. Two, it's starting to become a "comfort food" for me, and I would really like to work myself away from relying on food for emotional stability.
Maybe I'm being a bit of a baby, but you guys have been so encouraging to me so far and I didn't know where else to post. Thanks for reading! | fruit is my crutch and I need to let it go now. How do I do that and what do I replace it with? |
t3_39wshy | dogs | [Help] - Bringing new puppy into house with existing dog. How do I prevent puppy from adopting old dog's bad habits? | Hey guys. I am picking up my new Norwegian Elkhound this weekend. I am living at home for the next two months until I move out into my own place, and from what I understand these are critical months in development for any puppy (he's 7 weeks old today).
The house he's coming into has an 8-9 year old Springer Spaniel named Duke. Duke is the ultimate hunting dog, smart as can be, but because of the lack of obedience training, the fact that he's a rescue and didn't develop with the family from a young age thinks he can do as he pleases....he also begs like crazy....100% food obsessed.
Duke is free to roam, come and go in/outside as he pleases. The new puppy however will be kennel trained and obedience trained far beyond what Duke ever was.
Duke is a free spirited hunting machine, probably because he spent 6 months on his own scrounging for all his own food in the wild before we adopted him, unfortunately it's his unending obsession with food that makes him such a good hunter.
He listens to everyone...but only if there's food. He does however see my father as his alpha because he trained him to hunt and listens to him regardless of food.
Elkies are already a tough dog to obedience train and the last thing I want is for Duke's bad habits to become ingrained in my dog at a young age.
I would like the new puppy to pick up on Duke's hunting skills but not his constant obsession with food.
Any suggestions? Note that the puppy and I will be moving out end of august. | Bringing new puppy into house with existing dog. Old dog begs like crazy and doesn't listen well. How do I prevent puppy from adopting these traits? |
t3_2br1ek | relationships | Me [23 M] with my ex [21 F] of 2 1/2 years. Wondering if my persistence is futile | So me and her dated for 2 1/2 years and then ran into trouble when I left for college. We broke up and she moved on to someone else. Just recently this Summer, me and her began hanging out again. I've been trying to make things work because I want to get back together with her.
Now she has been staying the night with me (Non-sexual), we spoon and she doesn't mind me feeling her up and stuff. But i can't seem to get her wanting to do anything sexual. Anyways well, tonight I pretty much told her that I wanted to work things out and get back together. She told me that she doesn't feel the same way and she doesn't feel that way anymore.
So I'm wondering, anyone got any advice on what I should do? The thought of her moving on too someone else kills me but, I'm wondering if you think I'd be better off backing off from hanging out with her. Does persistence actually work or is that going to lower my chance even more? | Trying to get back with my ex, she told me she doesn't feel the same way/doesn't have those feelings anymore. Wondering if I should just back off? |
t3_ij94i | AskReddit | What's the best way to ask her out if you only have facebook/twitter contact? | After my last mess of a relationship, which I ended, I am now ready to get back in the game of not just having one nighters/week long dating sessions any longer.
There is a girl (call her Anna) who is 3 years younger than I, I'm graduated from University, and she is about a 4 hour drive north currently attending her University. We were a part of the same club all throughout middle/high school, and I actually went on a date with her older sister, who is now happily married with a kid.
Anna has matured a lot and we have talked on facebook a few times, like quick comments on statuses and what not, nothing serious, but it prompted me to look at her photos and interests and such. Probably not a good idea b/c I'm in love.
It's summer and I have no obligations where where I live, she comes to our 'hometown' often which is about a 45 minute drive (also where my parents live) away from my current locale.
Is FB/Twitter appropriate to message and see if she wants to hang out? I have always strayed away from this type of dating b/c I'm usually at a bar or something when I meet women. | want to know if it's okay to ask a girl I havn't really talked to much in the past few years, but knew well in high school, to hang out via facebook or twitter |
t3_3yx0lt | relationships | [Emotional Abuse] Me a [23M] have been emotionally abusing my gf [20F]. I need help. | Hey guys I'm new here, but I just found out yesterday that I've been emotionally abusing my gf.
What I mean by emotionally abusing is, always thinking I'm right, controlling, saying apparently offensive things, pushing what I think is right on her etc.
Truth be told she told me a while ago because I was controlling to a point, and when she did, I stopped being controlling thinking hey this was the reason why I was emotionally abusing her so I should stop it.
I did end up stopping but because I'm not controlling anymore, it looks like I'm uncaring instead.
So essentially for the past 4 months, I've been believing that I wasn't emotionally abusing her because I stopped being controlling. I distanced myself so I stop being that bad person but she just told me yesterday that it didn't stop. So it got me to believe that I'm just a natural emotional abuser.
Since then, I've been thinking of what to do. She's an amazingly nice person and I don't want to hurt her anymore so I'm just thinking of ending it here before I mess anything up again. That's what I feel I should do, but she feels like she can help me. I just think that I will keep hurting her If she tries. | I found out I was an emotional abuser. Thought I stopped but didn't. Don't want to hurt her anymore. |
t3_25nvql | relationships | Am I (f23) too jealous? Bf (m24) | I feel kind of ridicoulus for posting this but I really need some help here and would apreciate any input.
So..my bf has a girl on fb who likes everything he posts, all his selfies and everything exept stuff about me. I find it really weird that she likes LITERALLY ALL his selfies and statuses but as soon as it's a picture of us together or a status about me she ignores it. Why would she do that? Ive never met her but my bf said she's an old class mate from school (not an ex). He thinks im overreacting but it makes me uncomfortable because she's extremely pretty! Gosh I feel too embarrased about this to even talk about it with my friends... | bf has a girl on fb that likes all his posts exept the ones with me in it, am I being too jealous? Is she interested in him?? What should I do? |
t3_ty7af | AskReddit | Is an Alienware M18x really worth the $4,250 I'm going to put into it? | My brother is going to get a laptop with the money he received from graduation. That much is set in stone. What he wants to do is get the Alienware M18x with all the accesorries with specs like this:
* Software & Services
* Genuine Windows® 7 Home Premium, 64bit
* 3rd Generation Intel® Core™ i7-3820QM (8MB Cache, up to 3.7GHz w/ Turbo Boost 2.0)
* 16GB Dual Channel DDR3 at 1600MHz
* 1TB RAID 0 (2x 500GB SATA 3B/s 7,200 RPM) + 32GB mSATA Caching SSD
* My Software & Accessories
* Space Black Anodized Aluminum
* Quasar Blue
* Alien Schematic
* Steam and Portal™ Factory Installed
* Skype VOIP Software Application
* My Accessories
* 4 Year Advanced Plan
* No Anti-Virus Software Selected
* Also Includes
* Dual 2GB GDDR5 NVIDIA® GeForce® GTX 675M - SLI® Enabled
* Killer™ Wireless-N 1103 a/g/n 3x3 MIMO for Gaming & Video and Bluetooth 4.0
* Slot-Loading Dual Layer Blu-ray Reader (BR-ROM, DVD+-RW, CD-RW)
* Creative Sound Blaster Recon3Di with THX TruStudio Pro Software
* 18.4 inch (467.36 mm) WLED WideFHD (1080p) display (1920 X 1080)
* 96WHr 12-Cell Primary Battery
* Alienware M18X R2 with Soft Touch
* Alienware M18x 330W A/C Adapter
So basically. | Is a fully loaded Alienware M18x really worth $4,250 and if not, what would kind of laptop would you suggest for a future college student who wants the best laptop possible. |
t3_1n8wgl | relationships | My [19 M] 9 months girlfriend [17 F] is 4 months pregnant and wants to keep it to avoid killing a baby. How can I approach her to make her realize nobody would die if she aborts? | I don't know if this is the right subreddit or the right flair. If not, please tell me.
Been with her for only 9 months and she's my first romantic relationship ever. She learned at 3 months and a half that she was pregnant and she told me a few days later because she planned on doing an abortion and THEN telling me. But she hesitated and finally changed her mind. We're both still at school, still live at our parent's house and have no jobs and I think it's pretty obvious that this is not the right time at all for a baby. After our studies would be perfect, but definitely not right now. What if we don't stay together? 9 months is relatively really short.
How can I convince her to abort? I think it would be a very bad way to start both of our lives (and create a third one). | Gf doesn't want to "kill" a 4 month fetus but it's really not an ideal time for a baby since we're still students without a home |
t3_27ct5q | askwomenadvice | What is one thing my fiancé needs that I don't know about? | My fiancé and I have been together for a long time. She is a avid redditor (hope she don't see this). When it comes to birthday and other gifting times, I'm still very much learning. There have been a couple different time where I've gotten her electronics and while she was very thankful, but I know it's not something she finds useful all the time.
I know what things she likes, what were sizes are (I've done my snooping), what makeup she is into (benefit?), but I don't think she would want me to get this for her, or a gift card either.
I made her a printed and bound photo album of our dog, but gave it to her because it finally came in the mail and I couldn't take stashing it away. She genuinely fucking loved it but now I've blown my proverbial load. The only thing she has used consistently for a VERY long time is a nalgene water bottle... | My question to all you, what are the things that she needs, that I (being her male SO) statistically or probabilistically doesn't know she needs?! |
t3_f2omu | AskReddit | A bizarre phenomenon happened today involving static electricity. Can you help me explain it? | This scenario involved a room with a lightswitch on one wall, a table in the center of the floor, and a toy "panic button" sitting on the table. The toy is essentially a battery-operated button that makes a siren noise when you push it. No other items were on the table.
What happened: The lights were off, so I walked across the floor to turn on the lightswitch. The instant my finger touched the lightswitch and pushed it on, a nasty jolt of static electricity discharged between my fingertip and the lightswitch. Simultaneously, the panic button toy (resting four feet away on top of a table) was activated, and began blaring siren noises. In no way did I make contact with the toy or the table it was sitting on. Startled by the noise, I flipped the lightswitch back off, and the noise immediately ceased. Subsequent attempts to replicate the phenomenon were unsuccessful.
I don't know much about electronics, but I know I must have completed some kind of circuit between the floor, the wires in the wall, and the toy. Was this done through indirect contact with the toy via the table/floor, or was this an electrical field of some kind? | Got shocked by a lightswitch, and a battery-operated electronic toy became activated halfway across the room. How do? |
t3_v7gkf | AskReddit | Travelocity's Poor Service Stranded Me for 12 Hours | I'm a first-time traveler, and booked through Travelocity.com. The flight consisted of 2 connections. This was not ideal, but I was willing to deal with the inconvenience...to a point. My first flight was terrible, with a loud toddler and a crying baby seated behind me. The second flight had a reasonable connection time, but placed me on a cramped plane with a young track team. The problem of whose company one is in when traveling is often beyond the control of travel agencies, but there were NO warnings as to the sorts of people I would be traveling with, not even a small email reminder.
When I arrived in the location of my third flight, the airport was CLOSED. What's more, I discovered that my connection time for this new flight is 12 hours long. Travelocity provided no hotel or other housing during my connection and I, a teenage girl on her first trip abroad, was stranded outside a CLOSED airport ALL NIGHT, from 9pm to 9am.
As if that dangerous, irresponsible piece of service wasn't enough, I feel the need to add that there were NO warnings as to the closing of the airport in any of the correspondences with Travelocity prior to purchase, and that the information which detailed the connection times of the flights was made difficult to see and to understand. These Travelocity people did not assist me in any way with making a proper decision on my flights.
My return flights involve ANOTHER 12-hour layover in a closed airport, this time from 6pm to 6am! I have tried e-mailing and calling the company, to no avail. The e-mail response is always automated, saying they don't handle flights via e-mail. I have no access to a phone where I am, and tried Skype-ing. The call quality was not ideal, and what I gleaned from the less-than-glowing service rep was that the cost of changing my flights would be half as much as my flights were in the first place! So, I can wait 12 hours overnight in a foreign country outside its closed airport, or I can shell out an absurd amount of cash (which I don't have) for Travelocity to fix an error which should not have been made in the first place. | Travelocity's poor communication and service strands teenage girl overnight in foreign country, 12 hours in closed airport. Customer service does nothing. Travelocity intends to allow this to happen again, to the same person. |
t3_29j0e0 | offmychest | I feel regret over a year later, even though I shouldn't | There's an off my chest in here dedicated to me. But, many of the accusations were not accurate. I'm okay with that, that's how breakups are.
So, I was making serious plans with a guy and really starting to feel that I was taking the right direction in life, but things between us mellowed. So we did the idiot thing of having an open relationship. That was like pouring gasoline on a bonfire. Things spun quickly out of control, tempers flared. I was a working-poor student putting myself through college at the time, so my mental abilities were spread thin. It was the first time in my life that I seriously made plans to off myself.
So the outcome was that we went our separate ways reluctantly. But, now I truly miss the better times we had. By that I mean, the future-oriented view we both shared. We both wanted to move out into the world, settle, make a home and careers together. Now, I'm finding myself stuck were I was, barely able to keep a home, stuck by student loan debt and lack of job opportunities. And he's gone off to college for a second degree in another country.
I can't figure out the regret I feel. I keep trying to convince myself that the split was good and needed. I suppose I miss having a like-minded person in my life. I think I miss what we almost had built. I suppose also that I might feel a little left out because he's doing what we planned to do.
Bottom line is that I hope he's happy and safe doing what he's doing. I just wish I could stop being so sad about all the opportunities missed. | I don't know why I still miss my ex from over a year ago when the relationship fell apart so explosively and rapidly. |
t3_103k96 | AskReddit | How do you deal with constantly being reminded of loss? | I totaled my cobra, had to have my ulnar nerve moved and had to have bone fragments removed because I was unable to tapout to an arm bar in time. I haven't been able to train for competition because of it and I'm slowly losing my mind due to inactivity. On top of it, my father was laid off his president's position because of a business merge. Did I mention I work there? I also had to take all of his desk stuff to him and help with his unemployment. These people essentially wasted 10 years of his life, 401 k and then had the balls to cut give him a shitty severance packaging that would be more suited to someone like me who is poor and doesn't have children.
My lover also used to work with me. She miscarried our child and we lost a family. She's since gone back to her chosen field and I'm scared I've lost her too. I haven't seen her in a month and we've been growing apart. I'm not posting this for sympathy, I honestly need advice. Hearing people ask about my father every day at work and about my (?) woman is slowly tearing me apart. I feel like I've lost everything and seriously question whether I should even keep trying. The only reason I do is because my father is such a good man and is able to keep me going. I figure if he can, I sure as hell can but this is no way to live. Please help, has anyone gone through something similar. What can I do? | Lost everything I used to wake up in the morning for. Not sure how to get out of bed anymore or what to do about it. |
t3_46u64n | relationships | Me [16 F] with my partner [16 N] of 3 months, they've kissed their best-friend and I feel awkward around her cause she was also a bitch | Ok so, I've know my partner for about 2.5 years we started date just recently. We've known this friend for about a year. They kissed once and almost dated, but it never ended up happening. And then she was jealous of me after we started dating.
There was an argument about that, and the friend was a bitch for a while, but everything was fine after all of that.
Now they're just best friends, but I just dislike her and I'm not sure why or if I should even mention it, she hangs out with us a lot. She makes me uncomfortable by talking about sex and cheating on people like it's a joke. She said some fucked up things and was a really bad friend for a while, and now everything's fine. I don't hate her but I feel like a dick for wanting nothing to do with her. | SO's best friend was unforgivably rude, jealous and flirty with them and makes me uncomfortable, but they're still besties~ |
t3_1ll2t1 | relationship_advice | I (24/f) did the classic (unforgivable): dated a good friend's best friend behind his back, knowing said friend was interested in me. | I had a good friend who was obviously interested in me, however I (eventually) made it clear that I just wanted to be friends. Loved the guy to death, he just was not someone I wanted to date. We had been good friends for a little over a year, and then he started seeing someone, which I thought was great for him. I, being the horrible friend, started dating his best friend, behind his back. Trust me a I feel like a horrible person for doing it and I know it was complete betrayal. I never thought I would be the person to do something like that. He obviously found out, disowned me as a friend, and I ended up breaking it off with his best friend. Fast forward a year later. He is still dating the same girl, and we are friendly to each when I see him around town, but by no means are we good friends anymore.
I honestly think about this whole situation more often then I should, even though its been over a year since. I feel so guilty sometimes it makes me sick. I am thinking about sending him a letter (I live out of state right now) with a sincere apology. I am not looking for forgiveness, I just want him to know I'm genuinely sorry. I feel like this might be a selfish move since it will ultimately make me feel better. Would you want a letter from someone who wronged you like that? Would he even take it seriously, or have I ruined my reputation? What should I do? | I slept with a good friend of mine's best friend, knowing said good friend was interested in me. He found out, we aren't friends anymore, its been a year and I want to write him an apology letter. Advice? |
t3_37nsbb | relationships | Me [25 M] with my roommate [26 F] 1mo, seemed nice, but pissed her off and now acts like a shell of a person | update: had my roommate read over this, he thought I was a bit too easy on myself. I **bolded** certain details he wanted me to add to give a fuller picture.
A female roommate moved in with me into my apartment about a month ago, I think might have had a thing for me at one point. We share the same room with a couple, so it's 4 of us. At first she was really cheerful and seemed cool. **A few days in, I had weed for the first time and accidentally overdid it, I was way too stoned and and my roommates all claim they were worried at how stoned I was because I was zoning out.** She had invited me to cook with her and I agreed, but the next day I wasn't feeling well from the weed, told her I wasn't going to do it.
We ended up having an argument about my flaking, and she used the "you promised" line on me. Now, I take promises very seriously, in fact I never promise anything unless it's already been fulfilled and the other person doesn't know yet. I called her out on it and told her that I never promised her anything, that she was lying. Big mistake. Immediately after this, she put up the biggest emotional wall I've ever seen.
It's been 2 weeks and she skulks around all day, is as un-responsive as possible about anything, deadpan voice, one-word answers, no eye contact, turns away, frequent sighing. She hangs out with friends and has gone out with at least 1 other guy that I know of, I took a 10 day trip which I thought would give her some time to cool off, but after I returned she's the same. **She's also nice to the other roommates, so it's definitely just me.**
There seems to be so much negative energy that I constantly feel like just leaving the house to not be around her. Not sure whether to "have a talk" or to give her more time and test the waters again later. | Flaked on plans with roommate, had argument, roommate has shut down and acts depressive around me. I want her to act normal again, but giving her some space seems to be doing nothing. Should I take a different strategy? |
t3_34sy8p | relationships | [21/M] Help getting through the summer without losing the girl (21/F) I've been getting pretty close to recently. | I met this amazing girl about a month ago at college and we hit it off really well. We've been spending a decent amount of time together and texting a lot when we can't physically be together, and right now its getting to the point where I would like to officially ask her to be my girlfriend the only problem is we're leaving for summer break at the end of this week.
I figured we would keep in touch over the summer and then hopefully pick up where we left of when school starts back up again. I'm just concerned because I really like this girl and I don't want to lose our connection over the summer or anything else along those lines. Any help would be greatly appreciated, and thank you in advance. | The girl I like and I will be apart for a few months and I don't want to lose her. Help please! |
t3_4zo10t | relationships | Me [25 M] with my [24 F] We both knew she was leaving, now the time has come | i'm 25(m) and my girlfriend is 24. We have known each other for ~6 years when we used to work together in a casino. We hooked up a few times but nothing like a serious relationship. We are both from England, she went to uni in London and I went to uni in Dublin.
I didnt think much about her while I was away and i'm guessing neither did she. Last summer we both finished uni and were both back in our home city. We started seeing each other again and around xmas it was starting to get serious. In March it was 'Official'
I always knew she had planned to go away to Asia for a TEFL course, we both did, but both accepted that we would just cross that bridge when we got to it and to just enjoy our time together.
Which we have, we have been having a great time together, going on holidays and just generally having boss craic! We have both said we love each other, but still we put off talking about her leaving.
Now she is leaving in a month. My plan is to make it an amazing month for her, and to do loads of fun stuff. I am pretty gutted she is leaving but at the same time, she has never been travelling, whereas I did a lot when I was younger, I am really excited for her because she is going to be a great time.
We haven't talked about it, but I personally dont think the long term will work, most of that reason is I dont want her to resent me while she is away. I know what travelling is like, lots of drinking with strangers and going out and from my experience, a lot of sex and I want her to experience this without me in the background of all her thoughts.
I have no idea what i'm gonna do when she goes, she has been my world for the past year! So my question is, what do I do? how do I cope? If anyone has any similar experiences i'd love to hear them.
Thanks for reading | We knew when it started she would be leaving in a year, now the time is nearly here and i'm shitting myself. |
t3_4vtlbm | relationships | Me [27F] with my husband [25M] of 1.5 years, have a friend [28M] who is currently in an unhealthy relationship | My husband has a friend [28M] that he knows pretty well and who I've come to know well also, who has been in a relationship for a few years. He is the sole breadwinner of the relationship and does everything for her. She [27F] has been dealing with back pain and is on a lot of medication, which renders her unable to work. She is always drugged up, groggy, and hardly leaves the house. The two of them have a very unstable relationship. They fight constantly, have broken up many times, and my friend talked about how he didn't know what was going to happen between then in the future. He recently met a girl that he really clicked with and considered breaking up with his current girlfriend.
A week later, he told us that they had gotten engaged. I asked him how it happened. He said that his girlfriend found a ring at their apartment that he had found somewhere randomly. She asked him where it was from, and he decided that was the right time to propose.
Nothing about this engagement sounds like a good idea to me. However, my husband said that it's not his place to say anything to his friend about it. I'm wondering who is supposed to say something to him? Not to tell him that he's making a mistake, necessarily, but at least to tell him to consider his decision more before moving forward. | A friend who's in an unhealthy relationship recently got engaged. Who would be the right person to have a serious conversation with him about this decision? |
t3_3881eq | personalfinance | Need advice on my Auto Loan situation. | I have recently run into some unfortunate circumstances that have caused my monthly car payments to become a very overwhelming bill that I've got to endure for the next 50 months, (already have payed for 26 months of the loan). To start off, I currently make anywhere from $1600 - $2000 a month, depending on how the tips are.
The loan is set at 20.55 percent APR. My monthly car payment is $324.00. That, ontop of my $205.00 insurance payment (due to the mandatory $500 deductible) is beginning to really bite. the time of financing this vehicle, I was unaware of what that truly meant. It is my first big loan, and it required both myself, and a co-signer to get approved. I've got very little credit history, 3 credit cards to my name, (I closed the account on one of them when i was younger thinking it would benefit me and not researching prior). The balance is pretty high on both of the remaining accounts, about 2.5k in total on a 2.9k limit. (I know, again, unfortunate circumstances.) However, I missed a total of 7 payments on the credit card account that i payed off, and then closed, but no missed payments on either of my active accounts nor a payment on this current auto loan. All in all, my credit score is 629.
Informed lien holder of why I can no longer get in contact with the co-signer, who was my step father, but left one day two years ago and divorced my mother. He basically pushed me into this auto loan and said it was the best thing to do. Lien holder is now saying they can no longer assist me and I need to refinance with a different company. So here I am, at a loss.
Sorry for the wall of text, and I apologize if this post is wildly inappropriate and against the rules. | no way of getting in contact with co-signer on current auto loan, gotta refinance, credit score is only 629, make anywhere from 1.6k to 2k a month. |
t3_dr7nx | AskReddit | Reddit, my friend is a goofball and I hate him. Can you help? | I don't really hate him. But he's goofy as hell. He's 21, balding, and listens to terrible music. He has some pretty big balls though and we convinced him to do stand upcomedy. He's usually not a very funny guy, so some friends I got together and wrote some of the worst jokes we could think of.
His fictional background is that he's been married a few times and has to watch his ex wife's kids for up to weeks at a time, but he's a terrible guardian and hates them. In his past he was big time drug user and morbidly obese. While working as a groupie for the Rascal Flats he became heavily addicted to auto-erotic asphyxiation and nearly died in the bathroom on their tour bus. Around that time he realized he needed to clean up his act and try his hand at "just making people happy for once," which led him to stand up. Also, he's a staunch republican and his greatest comedic influences are Drew Carey and Louie Anderson, "definitely Louie Anderson".
But anyways, can Reddit photoshop some pictures of my friend with random celebrities? I was think Arsenio Hall or Jeff Goldblum. Anything that would be real weird that show he's pretty famous and has been in showbiz for a long time. Maybe a logo with his face for a t-shirt. "Rocky Vaught Vaught Live at the Apollo '94"
Here's some pictures of him. Thanks | My friend is a just horrible. He's addicted to auto-erotic asphyxiation and he's a hermaphrodite. Can you photoshop him with bizarre celebrities? |
t3_2p15mq | relationships | Me [21 M] recently reconnected with an old, old, old girlfriend [21 F], and it's good... however I don't want to be a home-wrecker. | Let me start at the beginning. I met her when I was in college (UK) and we barely spoke until mid-way through the first year. When we did start talking, we hit it off instantly and started dating three months after.
It was going well and the day of my sixteenth, we both lost our virginities (if that's a word) together. So obviously that had an effect..
We were fine during our second year... or, I thought we were. A guy named Bob started college. He was your typical stuck-up, "I'm better than you" jerk. He started hitting on my girlfriend and, at the time, she kind of pushed him away.
That winter break, I went on holiday to see some family and she was really off with me. We barely spoke via phone or anything and when I returned, nothing changed. And she was real friendly with Bob.
Being who I am, I confronted her and asked if anything was wrong and what was going on.. This went on for a month or two until I saw them hold hands. And then it hit me; she was cheating on me. And I was angry and felt like a fool.
Cut to a week ago and we start talking. She's got a car, I've got a flat and we've both got decent jobs. We got coffee and started talking and we're getting on... Very well. But she has a boyfriend and is moving in with him in January.
I'm a bit conflicted because of what happened and she has a boyfriend. But despite my emotions toward her actions, I still have very strong feelings toward her (could be attributed to the fact we both lost the V Card together)... And we're getting on. Flirting, even. Playful banter and all that.
I don't want to be a home-wrecker. But I don't want what's happening to stop. | Old girlfriend cheated on me when I was 17ish, now I'm 21 and we're reconnecting and it's going well and I am confused. And she has a boyfriend. And ugh. |
t3_1juj9v | relationships | [21M] I get attached and escalate relationships quickly. Is it normal or is this something I need to work on? | Hey,
So I'll be frank, I've never really had a long relationship - the limit for me has only been about 6 months. I was riding on the bus the other day and it just kind of hit me how fast my relationships have escalated. The girls I've dated since starting college have all come from the same college as me, so I always saw them really frequently. From sex to saying 'I love you' and everything in between, it's always been extremely fast.
I know that I personally have a tendency to get attached and fall pretty fast. I'm a passionate individual, what can I say? Not to be cocky or feed my ego, but I'm decent looking, and I take care of myself, and I micromanage the others' impressions of me, so I'm decent with girls. And I'm worried that this combination might be leading me to get into relationships before I can reasonably gauge whether they're someone I'm really compatible with. In my past relationships that didn't work there have usually been deep-rooted issues where we as individuals fundamentally differed, ie ways we communicated or released stress. God knows I've missed out on opportunities with some really amazing and compatible girls in the past because I was in a relationship at the time.
I'm currently in a relationship [21F and away in her home country for the summer]. We were naked in bed no later than a month in. And shit, it bothers me because I was her first boyfriend and that's how fast it moved, and I can't help but feel guilt.
I miss her and I can't fucking wait for her to get back so I can smother her in my arms. I feel really good about this one. But the time she's been away has given me alot of room to reflect, and I'm not sure about the conclusions I should be drawing about myself. | I tend to get attached quickly and I'm not bad with women. I'm worried this is getting me in relationships with days that are numbered. |
t3_2b9wcx | relationships | I [21 M] have a "date" with my friend [20 F], how to make it more than that. | My friend and I are going out social dancing this weekend. She is a *very* good dancer, I'm able to do the basic moves better than most but nothing too advanced.
We have been friends for a long time, and were both attracted to each other at different points years ago (though nothing ever came of it), before we moved away for college. We have stayed friends, going out of our way to get together once in a while.
However, I want this "date" to be more than just a friend date, and I don't know how to make it clear. I have thought of asking her to get dinner right before dancing, but don't know if that would help.
Any advice on how to make it clear that I want to be more than friends, or on how to rekindle old feelings that she may have had for me? | Have a "date" with a long-time friend, want to know how to make it clear that I want this to be more than a friend date and how to rekindle old feelings she possibly once had for me. |
t3_25z4ea | relationships | Does he [31] like me [19] as a sister or romantically? or is he just leading me on? | I feel stupid posting this because I know I sound like a 13 year old girl, but I have a huge crush on a guy I met. I've known him for about half a year now -- we play golf at the same club and we know mutual people through that.
He flirts whenever we talk and we've been FB messaging each other and he's been responsive and flirty. I honestly do not know why he is being so nice to me. He's a little better at golf than me, so it's not because i'm good at golf lol.
I don't know if i dare to believe he might be into me romantically or attracted to me, but I can't think of any other reason why he flirts with me or is even nice to me. the other options would be:
- he likes me as a friend / sister and he's just a nice person looking to be friends with me
- he's leading me on and he's just going to laugh in my face about how much i like him more than he likes me.
Is there any way to find out?
I know there's a big age difference, so am i supposed to initiate something (like meeting up for coffee or something) because he can't (since he might come off as creepy if i didn't feel the same way)?
Tell me what to do. | i have no idea why this guy i have a crush on is flirting with me. how do I find out? |
t3_2dht7d | relationships | Me [23 M] with my crush [22 F], new to dating/relationship. | I've wasted about 4 years of my life being a shut-in and suffering from anxiety, they put me on medicines for this and finally after about a year of taking them my life is starting to get better again.
A couple of days ago I've met this really cute and kind girl, and I grew a crush on her and she on me. I have never been in a serious relationship before because I've always felt I was ugly and girls didn't like me, only since two weeks ago I have starting to put this behind me as I've met people (Specifically girls) who have called me hot, cute and so on.
Now here's the thing, this girl lives far away from me, in a complete different country. And I'm willing to put that aside, I really really like her and I want to make her happy. I have no problem with sweet talking to her or making her smile or anything like that. I just have no fucking clue how to really go on in a relationship.
I'm a real idiot when it comes to the dos and donts, because I already managed to make her feel upset by talking about a friend of mine who is a girl while my crush is on her period.
Well I'm an idiot for sure, and I really don't want to screw this up. Because for the first time since forever I feel everything is finally starting to turn better. And in the time that I've known her she already has made a big impact on my life. (Making me really happy, and making me put even more effort into getting over my anxiety). | Wasted years of my life, now ready to start dating/a relationship but no real idea how to handle it. |
t3_3ybqnl | relationships | I (20female) Think my ex (20 male) has screwed my mind up about dating | So basically I am 20 years old female who has been split up from my ex for over a year now. I've known him for over 10 years and every year he used to message me to get in contact but I never responded until last year. We dated briefly (around 5 months) but he got an offer for university that year that was 5 hours away and j couldn't let him turn it down so I made sure he accepted it. However it was a four year course and he was certain he wanted to break it off on good terms with hopes of getting back together in the future.
I let this happen and he went off to university and within one week slept with someone else (told me almost straight away). This made me resent him and said I didn't want to get back together and for him to enjoy university because at the time I thought he couldn't be that found of me to sleep with someone else.
Anyway to make matters worse I needed up dating someone he knew and been going out ever since (over a year). When we got together he was distraught and apartentky starting drinking more etc but I ignored him as u didn't want to get involved.
Anyway I ended up apologising and he said we are on mutual terms however every time I see him, he literally makes sure he moves away fast and avoids me at all costs. The other day we were at a party and he started crying saying that his life was going down hill and that he didn't like me anymore but seeing me with someone else bothers him? (He has a girlfriend as well).
This has completely screwed with my head the past year and now it's almost made me depressed. I don't know what's wrong but it feels like I can't be happy with my new boyfriend (mainly because new boyfriend and him are now mates again and making me look a bad person). | do I sound like a complete ass and still have feelings for my ex? Or has it just screwed with my mind and I need to get over it? |
t3_27cacm | Advice | I Don't Even Know How to Respond | This post may be a little long but this is something that I kind of need to just get off of my chest and sort of discuss.
A little backstory; I'm a 20 year old male who works a not-so-shitty part time job at a big box store. I've been working there for just a little over a year now and needless to say it's been a very up and down experience. In the beginning the management really enjoyed me and then slowly it just turned into me doing 18 things but they would always find ONE thing to complain about. After a while I just sort of began to feel unappreciated and in all honesty I slowly began to care less about my job because lets be real here, I was getting paid either way.
Fast forward to about two weeks ago; my entire department has had a complete turnover in the past 6 months or so. I now have a not-so new department manager who actually appreciates and gives recognition to everyone in my department. Needless to say he makes work much more bearable.
However, it's been so long since I've felt appreciated in my workplace that I actually feel sort of thrown off by it all. It just feels weird having someone actually talk positive about me to other co-workers and be genuinely happy to see me when I come in. I honestly just feel really, confused almost, as to why someone would think this way about me and I actually don't know how to respond to it all. | went from feeling unappreciated to actually feeling good at work but I have no idea how to respond to the positive responses I get now. |
t3_2e1ykm | relationships | Me [27F] with my best friend [28f] 10+ years, I think she has BPD and I don't know how to help. | My best friend, who I've known for over 10 years, has always been pretty "intense". She had a very bad childhood, and it even continued in to her adult life, including losing an infant child to Baby Shake Syndrome by the hands of her now ex-husband (who is in prison for the crime). Before tonight, I've kind of blindly ignored her behavior because of the bad things that happened to her.
But recently, she has been having problems with her boyfriend of a year and a half and I offered to mediate for them. Tonight I sat down with them to talk about some specific issues and give them some conflict/resolution tips I've learned. Over the course of 3 hours, she became increasingly agitated and I started noticing old behavior in a new light.
She was extremely defensive, aggressive, sarcastic, angry, she would say or do something wrong just 5 minutes after I would point out the correct way to handle a situation. And then immediately after being defensive, she would make a joke, and laugh and kiss her boyfriend. Her behavior was overwhelming.
After coming home, I started googling "defensive people", which led to me looking up "highly confrontational people", which led to me researching "borderline personality". And I'm not an expert, but I seriously think she has borderline personality disorder.
I found a test online and with a quick run down, based on things she's confided in me and behavior I've witnessed, I would answer "strongly agree" on every one of these questions except self harm, which I don't know.
But now I don't know how to approach her with the information. She has only saw a therapist ONE TIME since the death of her child 7 years ago, and I don't think I can convince her to see one now. She is a single mom with 4 kids working 40hrs a week. She will say she doesn't have the money or time for help. Or she'll be defensive and blow off my attempts to get her help.
I am really worried for her, and I don't know how to help. Any advice? | I've google diagnosed my BFF with BPD. How do I help her if she says she doesn't have time or money for therapy? |
t3_nq9o8 | AskReddit | How big of a Jerk am I? | So I open up my present from my parents knowing its this huge keyboard piano that i wanted and they knew the exact one I wanted too. after opening the box I find that the keys are cheap plastic and not the weighted ones I wanted. I told my mother that it was the wrong one and she agreed after pressing on the keys herself. My dad and I put the keyboard back in the box and I could see the look of disappointment in my mothers face. I knew she wanted me to get exactly what I asked for and she was heartbroken that she got the wrong one. Now here is the part that makes me feel like a terrible son.
My mother offered to get me the better one but it isnt on sale anymore. it went from $400 to $800. Now I didnt expect to get an $800 keyboard but now my parents insist that they should buy me that one because It is the one I want and since I do need a keyboard for school. I told my mother that I would much rather not have one than have one I dont need and that I dont want them to spend that kind of money to get me the right one. Now I feel like I'm forcing them to buy me a better present or I make them feel bad for not getting me a present at all. | parents bought me the wrong piano keyboard and It costs 800 dollars for the right one, now I feel like a jerk for rejecting the present |
t3_2r5g09 | legaladvice | Assaulted on NYE. How should I proceed? | The other night after getting back to my friends apartment after NYE celebrations in downtown Minneapolis, I was hanging out in the lobby with my friend and a few other random people and sparked up a conversation with another guy. After bs-ing for about 15 min and being cool with one another, the conversation turned sour somehow and we started arguing about the most inane topic (watches) thanks to the alcohol. Well, he must have gotten offended by it and started getting more confrontational about a subject and was very much in my face so I said to my friend lets go up to the apartment. He continued to get in my face and I told him to back off and when the elevator door opened he punched me in the face and I went down, landing on my cell phone in my pocket shattering the screen. He then proceeded to punch me repeatedly in the jaw and the sides of my head and on my back and neck. I never touched him once. He got out on the next floor and my friend and I went in the apartment and cleaned up and went to bed. (There was a good amount of blood). Yesterday morning I wake up to bruises on my forehead, a busted lip and a swollen jaw. The guy must not have remembered that while our initial friendly conversation, he gave me his business card which I am looking at right now. So now I am curious as to how I should proceed with this? Should I let it go? Should I contact him? Should I file a police report? | Drunk conversation ended with stranger beating my ass and forgot he gave my his business card with all his information before doing so. Need advice on how to proceed. |
t3_3g8ncc | relationships | How to approach discussion with my fiance [26M] that my [26F] contraception is making sex miserable? | I've been with my fiance for over 5 years and have been on hormonal birth control for almost all of that time.
It has it's plus points - it's easy to take, and it means I have no menstruation (bonus!), but it has completely killed my libido. Sex is a total chore. I never feel 'in the mood', I only have sex to keep my fiance happy and because we should have sex as part of a healthy relationship. I cannot get wet, I'm never really turned on and it takes a lot of warming up to be able to orgasm.
We went on vacation a few months ago and I forgot to pack my pills. During that 2 weeks I suddenly realised what I'd been missing. Sex was fun, I was sexually attracted to my fiance, he could turn me on and we had sex most days. We used condoms.
When we got back from vacation, we had a brief discussion about whether to go back on the pill. He said he doesn't want to use condoms because it makes sex less enjoyable for him. I couldn't really think of an alternative and like the fact that I don't have menstruation on this pill, so just gave it and started using it again.
It's been playing on my mind since and I would really love to enjoy having sex again. But it feels like in order to do that he will have to sacrifice his sexual satisfaction, while at the moment it's me sacrificing my sexual satisfaction. I'm willing to give up the convenience of not having periods for a better sex life. But the non-hormonal options are pretty limited (condoms, IUD (no thanks!), diaphragm).
I just feel totally stuck. He doesn't want to use condoms but doesn't seem to think it's important that I should be sexually satisfied. He is actually a really generous person but this is just something he doesn't want to budge on.
How do I approach a conversation with him about this? Am I being unfair? | Hormonal birth control kills my libido, making sex unenjoyable. Fiance won't use condoms and it feels like he is putting his sexual satisfaction above mine. |
t3_3qyfpg | relationships | When a man who you're sleeping with offers to come round and says it's not just about sex | So, I (27F) have started seeing someone (29M) recently, in the past 2-3 months who I am sleeping with. We have been out for food several times and generally spend a lot of time together whenever we're both not working. We have a lot of sex, and it's incredible. We both admit that we have never had sex as good as what we're currently having.
When we arranged to meet next, I told him I wouldn't be home til late as I work later and then have a few things to take care of. He replied with that it's fine, he would be happy to come over and just cuddle me and if I fall asleep then so be it. He also said that it's not just all about the sex.
So my question... What does this mean, exactly? I really like him, but have no expectations of it going anywhere and was quite happy with just having company and good sex. Does he really like me? Am I reading too much into this? Is he just being nice? I am not sure... Any advice welcome!
Thanks! | If a hookup is happy to just chill with you - does this mean he is a bit more interested than a relationship based on just sex? |
t3_17c6jk | AskReddit | Reddit, what's the worst thing you got caught doing, and how did you first respond when confronted? | In college I got caught cheating on a test by using notes I had written on a piece of paper under the test. When the teacher caught me she asked me to please leave the room and come back after class. I don't think any of the other students knew what had happened as she did it rather discretely, but they probably guessed. I just lowered my head and walked out and didn't say a word.
That hour between when I was dismissed and the class ended was awful. I was full of dread and figured my life was over, I even cried a little while waiting in the bathroom. When I went and talked to the teacher she was very direct. She asked why I did it, and I tried to make up an excuse that sounded good "family issues and didn't have time to study" but it was very vague and she had to know I was lying.
Then she told me that if she reported this to the student judicial board I would likely be expelled from college. I was still a freshman so I just got extremely quiet and held back tears. She said that I was a very bright student who didn't need to cheat, and gave me a lecture about how cheating in college wasn't like high school. It was taken very very seriously, but that she believed this would be my wake up call to get with it.
Said she had never had this happen before and wasn't about to ruin someone's life. We both agreed that from then on out, I would do 4 papers of 10 pages on 4 different topics separate from the rest of the class. The average of these papers would be my score for the test I cheated on, with a B the best I could get.
I did the papers and completed the course with a C. I've never cheated since and it has been my only non A/B course since then, graduating this May. I owe that teacher my career. | Cheated on a college test, caught by teacher, did 4 papers to make up for it, got a wake up call and haven't cheated since |
t3_2m7crd | relationships | She (21F) broke up with her boyfriend and asked me (23M) for a second chance. I dont know what to do | * Met a girl this summer who was a fellow co-worker at a summer camp. We both kind of had a camp crush/fling for each other and I realized how much I liked her that I wanted it to go into something serious...
* Well she and her bf decided to take a break at the beginning of summer because of distance, etc. She wasnt planning to like me so much, and had a hard time choosing what to do (get back with her BF or see where it goes with me) and she ended up choosing her bf over me saying "she wished she had met me a two years from now".
* Fast forward a month and a half, she texts me and basically says how shes thinking about breaking up with her boyfriend because she cant stop thinking about me...and the next day we meet up for lunch where she tells me they broke up not because of me but because she doesnt see much of a future with him. After lunch she left me a voicemail basically saying she is sorry for hurting me and would really like a second chance.
* Now we are talking and hanging out fairly alot, and she says stuff like I wish you would change all of you because then I wouldn't like you so much but I still see her texting her "ex" and I just can't help but not feel like there is something I am missing...I think she gets frustrated and doesnt like how much she likes me.
* We have had talks explaining how we cant just be friends and what is the big picture of this (me and her) to which we both agreed that we don't know.
So my question is how do I handle this whole situation? I really like her and want it to go somewhere, but at the same time she has only be out of a relationship for a couple of weeks... | How would you go about pursuing a girl who just broke it off with her boyfriend but still feels like she is holding something back? |
t3_3tr3fn | relationships | My (20f) therapist (40f) pretty much said "I told you so." in my last session. | Last Friday, I was talking in session about my mom's health and how she said she needed to go to the hospital but I didn't think she would be admitted. My therapist said that since I'm not a doctor I can't make that assessment. I don't disagree, I just have been my mom's caregiver for 3 years and I generally have a good idea of what will happen if she does go to the hospital. Since then, she was not only admitted but intubated and in the ICU until today. The intubation and ICU visit were the fault of the hospital because they gave her 6mg of morphine not realizing until way too late that she's really sensitive to it and has sleep apnea. When I went to therapy yesterday, I was talking about all of this because it's incredibly overwhelming for me. My therapist reiterated that she told me last week that I couldn't actually know and that this just speaks to the actual gravity of the situation. It hurt me and it was kind of like being kicked while I was down. I don't really know how to proceed. | therapist was right and felt the need to remind me that she was right when she knew I was in a rough spot. |
t3_4sukwc | tifu | TIFU by drinking water | A few weeks ago I was told by my boss that I was going to be hired full time (currently a temp) and that I would need to pass a drug test and background check. Which was no big deal since I don't do drugs and have no criminal history. I was told the papers would be finalized in about a month. Last week I contacted my friend who is a personal trainer and was telling him I wanted to change my lifestyle and was seeking his advice on diet and exercise. He told me I needed to eat certain foods and follow a routine he laid out for me. And most importantly he says "you need to drink atleast a gallon of water a day". I'm terrible at drinking water because I really only drink when I get thirsty so I had the bright idea of carrying around a gallon of water each day to make sure I drank atleast a gallon. So, I bring it to work and everything is going fine. But a few days later, my boss comes over to me and says "I know why you're drinking all that water and I'm very disappointed in you". I was taken aback by it and was very confused. He then continues "everyone at the plant is laughing at me because I vouched for a pot head". I began to panic and tried to explain what was going on, but he wasn't convinced. He told me that today would be my last day and when I assured him I would pass the test, he said he didn't need the test to tell him I was a pot head. | started drinking a lot of water for exercise and was let go at work because my boss thought it was to pass a drug test coming up. |
t3_1tpxz8 | relationships | GF [27] of 5yrs refuses to engage me [M, 27] in any sexual activity, won't/can't explain | I [M, 27] have been with my gf [27] for 5 years, and we've always maintained a certain level of sexual activity, usually at least a few times each week. Starting about a month ago, that all changed. She began to act uncomfortable whenever I made advances, even becoming uncomfortable with kissing, so I backed off. I figured it would change with time.
It hasn't, and when I finally told her how unhappy I was with he fact that there was no longer any sexual contact, she told me she wasn't interested in it anymore. I felt hurt and didn't pursue the topic any further.
Earlier tonight, I got very upset after she started to make some comments (probably in jest) about wanting to have sex with an actor in the movie we were watching. She told me she doesn't want to feel that I'm for in her to have sex with me, and that she doesn't know why things have changed. I said I don't want that either, but it is important to me and that I need to feel like we are working towards a solution.
I don't feel like she is interested in dealing with it, though, and the whole situation has me feeling depressed and ashamed. How do can I talk to her about this when she seems so disinterested in addressing the issue? And, if we get to that point, how do we figure out what has made her feelings towards sex change? | My gf is no longer interested in sex but claims not to know what has changed. How do I talk to her about this despite her reluctance to do so, and how do we figure out what has happened? |
t3_3nt6kh | relationships | Me [24F] with boyfriend [23M] of 6 years, feeling insecure and always checking accounts | My boyfriend and I have known each other for a while now and have had a good relationship despite ups and downs. Majority of the times, our problems seem to stem from my insecurities.
I have had bad relationship history where I have been cheated on or lied to and from that it makes it very hard to trust others. I know he would not hurt me deep down but I have a habit of thinking of bad scenarios. I worry when he goes out with friends, when he's at work or grad school, overall I have a fear of him always finding someone else who he might be more interested in. I know we have been together for 6 years but I can't seem to shake this habit.
I check his accounts sometimes and find that sometimes he does not tell me the whole story or seems to leave out some things in general. For example he will not tell me if he has made plans in advance with friends or will purposely leave out details about some girl who has talked to him on his night out.
Recently I have confronted him about a girl who he has been talking a lot to but he says it is nothing. I get jealous easily and assume this of every female that gets close to him. I want to believe him but I cannot help to bring my guard down. I am constantly checking his accounts and I do not know how to bring myself to stop. Sometimes he will change his passwords and it makes me feel as if he is hiding something from me, instead of helping me.
I feel pathetic since I am already an adult and I would hope that I would have these trust issues resolved by no. But I do not. I have seen a therapist but I still cannot shake the habit of always checking his things every hour or so. Is there a way or any advice to stop and bring my mind at ease to this? I do not want my relationship to fail because I am afraid to trust. | Cannot seem to break habit of checking accounts but do not want relationship to fail, is there any advice or ways to combat this insecurity? |
t3_17qzf6 | offmychest | Stop looking so hard and stop being so pretentious! | I know you want to find a guy that will sweep you off your feet, a "prince" as you like to refer to him. Every time you talk about finding this prince you get suggestions from multiple sources, most of them say the same thing: Act confident, be willing to actually talk to people, and to stop looking so hard. You always say you'll follow our advice but next time we're hanging out somewhere and you see someone you like just for looks you mutter "my prince" then refuse to talk to him.
Thats another thing stop basing your wants on looks, to be honest you're not the hottest girl around and acting like only the hottest guy around is good for you is idiotic. When you do find a decent guy STOP TRYING TO CHANGE HIS PERSONALITY, if his personality doesn't suit you then guess what you probably shouldn't be going after him.
Also when you get advice from a guy that you don't agree with don't say "You wouldn't understand you're a guy." If its advice about what to do on your period, yeah ok that phrase is ok to say, but if you ask us about stuff to do with emotions and we answer honestly and openly but you don't agree with it that phrase is a good way to make us (well at least me) mad. | Girls, I know you want prince charming but looking everywhere and being pretentious about it is not the way to go. Also don't put a guy down when he shares his emotions honestly and openly |
t3_41jk7a | tifu | TIFU by comparing my Girfriend's grandma to a bitch in front of her whole family | So let's set the scene. Earlier today, it was my Girlfriend's grandmother's funeral, and afterwards there was a gathering at my Girlfriend's parents house, where there was food, and drinks for everyone. Where everyone can reminisce and share memories.
So i'm in the kitchen with my girlfriend, her parents, her grieving grandfather, and other family members. My girlfriend has a dog, he's quite excitable, and likes to sit on people's laps. So my girlfriend's mother, says to the grandfather, you should take the dog home, keep you company in a joking way, people were laughing, the mood was quite light. My girlfriend's father follows the joke up with 'yeah he'll wake you up nice and early by jumping on the bed' More laughter follows. For some reason a dark joke popped into my head, sometimes that happens, but you normally you filter it out to something you should say just in your head. Well my filter forgot to apply and out of my mouth i said "It won't be much different, he's used to a bitch in his bed" It's not even a good joke, i know. So cue dead silence and what feels like a thousand eyes burning into me, me wishing the floor to just swallow me up. The grandfather burst into tears, and was quickly ushered out the room, my girlfriend's parents suggested i should probably go home. So i did and now i'm writing this TIFU. Girlfriend hasn't replied yet to my texts, the family couldn't look me in the eyes. | Girlfirend's grandmother passed away, the mother suggests to grieving grandfather to take the dog home with him, i suggest he's used to having a bitch around. |
t3_3zhjff | relationships | I [22M] just broke up with my girlfriend [22F] and I actually feel optimistic about the future. | My girlfriend and I have been sort of falling apart for a few months now and something happened on new year's eve that pretty much destroyed the relationship (it's a long story that left us both feeling pretty hostile toward each other).
The night we separated was devastating to me but I just got done talking with her about what happened and what happens next. We both were able to end the relationship maturely. We agreed to stay friends and still talk to each other every once in a while (though it will take some time before we can do this).
I don't know why but I feel really optimistic about my future. I don't know if this is some kind of defensive or denial technique but I feel like I can really focus on improving myself now with my new job i just got and my schooling. I also am excited to have more time for doing things like exercising and improving my mental health.
Even though I feel great today, I am still going to talk with my therapist. Part of me is worried that eventually I'll have a nervous breakdown and do something I'll regret. Hopefully talking to my therapist will help me deal with this separation in a healthy way. | My girlfriend and I separated but I feel oddly optimistic about the future. I still plan on talking to my therapist so I can work through this in a healthy way. |
t3_3cgls9 | Dogtraining | Advice on working dog up to hanging out in the house alone? | Hello /r/dogtraining I'm a recent college graduate, dog mom and soon-to-be working professional. While I don't start my full-time job until the first week of September, I'd like to be able to eventually leave my dog Leo (6 month old mini Australian Shepherd) alone at home during the day, without being crated. Does anyone have experience working up to a daily routine like this? I'm currently free all day until I start my job, which means I don't leave Leo as much as I probably should if I'm going to eventually leave him at home during a work day. I want to take advantage of my free time to set Leo up for success and make the transition as smooth as possible.
Other things to note: I have doggy door access to my deck, with [grass outside] of it for him to potty on. Living in an apartment. He currently sleeps through the night (7-8 hours) and a majority of the day (5-6 more hours). I will be gone at work ~8 hours/day but have dog walking help from a neighbor. At this point Leo has only ever been left alone in his crate, never in a room or house to himself. | Looking for suggestions/success stories on how to transition [Leo] from crate containment to free-roaming during work hours |
t3_1u2vum | relationships | Am I (25/f) over-reacting? I feel like my best friend (26/m) ignored me after my sister passed away. | My sister passed away suddenly a couple months ago. My best friend (we'll call him Jack) of all people knew how close her and I were. My younger brother called Jack the morning after it happened to let him know, because I was too heartbroken to do it myself, and I'm sure my brother thought having my best friend around for support would help.
My brother let me know he had called Jack and Jack had thanked him for calling and given his condolences. He waited a day, and then he texted me. Something standard, "I'm so sorry, if you need anything I'm here." I texted him back and nothing. No response. I wasn't too preoccupied with it obviously, being devastated about losing my sister, but after a week went by I started to wonder.
It had been over two months before he finally got in touch again, to wish me a Merry Christmas and to ask what I've been up to. No mention of why he hadn't texted or called or showed up. Nothing about my sister. I know that during that time I didn't contact him either, other than the text he ignored, but honestly I was in bad shape for the first couple of months and am now just being able to function again.
And now that I am, I feel really angry and betrayed. Why did he do that? I feel like I want nothing to do with him anymore. I feel like he abandoned me during the worst time of my life. I didn't reply back to his last text. Am I overreacting? | My best friend ignored me after my sister died, only to pop back up later acting like nothing had happened. Is it okay that I'm completely over the friendship or am I being too harsh on him? |
t3_qg04o | AskReddit | Have My Relationships Ruined My Libido Or Is Every Guy Like This? | in every relationship I've been in, we'd fuck like bunnies at any given moment that either of us were even remotely bored and alone, which would lead to us bumpin' uglies ~5-10 times a day. Even past the honeymoon phases, we'd just go at it constantly (replacing the latter half of that "we" with whoever I'd be dating at any given moment). now of course I ain't complaining, but I'm single for the first time since puberty as of recent, and I've noticed that I jack off constantly if I'm home. it's not even a thing, just feels like having a cigarette and frankly I never care how long or short it is. doin homework? might as well jack off 10 times intermittently. reading? might as well jack off intermittently. volunteering at the local preschool? haha just kidding, but you get the gist.
Do you men of reddit just feel like you're smoking a cigarette when you jack off or is it something that you do every few days?
Also, I guess I've always dated liberal girls who put out constantly, but I've moved out of california and it's definitely a culture shock discovering that girls aren't always dtf, so it's slightly a problem. | I don't remember how I was as a single male and I suspect my past relationships have made me too horny all the time, which has led to me not being satisfied with any recent one night stands or porn. |
t3_ptep0 | personalfinance | One partner has lots of debt, the other has none. Advice? | I'm in a relationship where one partner has lots of debt and the other is debt free.
I'm the debt free BF who makes 50k a year and feels like a dick when I don't plan on taking my GF with me on awesome vacations.
The only reason I am debt free today (it was a huge battle) was not going on vacations until now. Lifelong dreams of trips to europe and tokyo are spurr of the moment decisions now and it feels great. However, i have a loving girlfriend who would need massive subsidies to go with me. I feel like that is a huge compromise and that people would look at me like an asshole for leaving her behind.
I'm looking for advice for both parties. Things you would tell her if she asked "I have tons of debt and my BF loves to travel. What should I do?"
Would the advice to her be "if he can't bring you with, fuck him" or "why doesn't he help you with your debt instead?" To which my response would be, "Why should i pay for her?" and "Why pay debt that isn't mine?"
I struggle with this concept even when applied to married couples, but it makes hella sense to not pay out for a GF, no matter how much I love her.
I am having trouble keeping this cohesive because there is such a mix of emotion and fiscal responsibility that it makes it difficult. I guess I would just really like some anecdotes and various approaches others have taken. | GF has 50k in debt, i have none and want to travel. Need advice on how to not be a dick. |
t3_3sctar | relationships | Me [25 M] with my ex gf [21 F] almost three years, broke up a month ago. Still struggling handling life | Hi reddit,
This is the breakup post :
I moved out, started going out with some old friends, even dates and I've been with a girl since my ex. I went through the cycle of grief at least I think I did. I still think of her everyday and for a big portion of the day. I can only think of the positive things with her, and even when I think of the negative aspects I still love her with all my heart.
She has been dating this guy from work before we broke up (for those who didn't open the link). Even after knowing this for some reason I don't hate her, I've accepted it but I still love her so much.
I don't cry anymore, I just paint and write. I know it's only been a month but like a lot of you have experienced she was the only gf I've ever truly loved and so deeply. We were perfect, I can't get over her.
My question is will it stop? I'm just looking for someone to give me advice on love.
I do go out with friends, gym, all the normal stuff you do over heart break, I've been there before. This time it's the hardest thing I've ever felt. | can't stop thinking of my ex even more than before. Why do I still love her with all this passion? Will it stop? |
t3_2sqx9y | relationships | Me [21F] with my now-ex fiance [22M] of 2 years, claims he doesn't love me, and needs space, I'm finding it hard to give him it. | Fiancee thought everything was okay, decided suddenly he doesn't know if he loves me or not. He wants to explore his sexuality, which is fine, and we've been through a lot this last 2 years. He wants his space. I'm having an awful time trying to make sense of it, and give him the space he needs to decide.
He's also in lots of debt and they are going to evict him/us next month. The only way he can pay it is if he's got me.
I suffer from pretty horrific depression, so it's a mix of sensible, "yes I can do this and make it all better" and "oh god how have I ruined this and why am I not good enough". Does anyone have any advice on letting him get the space he needs without me entering a spiral of hate? | Confused almost-ex, needs space to do his own thing, I'm suffering far too much to be objective. Advice on not going crazy whilst I give him space/time. |
t3_51vxzt | relationships | She[20F] liked me[20M] I didn't make a move. Now I'm far away and can't stop thinking about her | I used to go to college in the US. In fact, I was taking classes this past summer. During that summer I met this amazing women who liked me, but I really didn't believe it until my friends pointed it out. That all did not matter though. I hung out with her a lot, but I never made an advance because I knew I was leaving the US. I was dealing with that major decision(leaving the US) so I really did not have time to think about relationships. In retrospect, I do believe I liked here too. I valued her opinion so much. She'd sit with me until the morning giving me advice about taking control of my future and doing what I think is right etc. Now I have this idea in my head that my stupid rationalization(Don't go for it. You'll end up hurting her and yourself) made me lose her. I also think about her ALL the time even though I'm literally on the other side of the world.
I don't know if this has anything to do with anything, but we are both not american. | Everybody said she liked me. Didn't pursue her because I was leaving the country and probably won't see her again. Can't stop thinking about her now that I finally left. What to do? |
t3_2jhndc | relationship_advice | 18/M My ex-gf(18/F), now friend, back in town... | So I was dating this girl this past summer, and we ended our relationship basically because she was going to be 3+ hours away, and I will be travelling later this year to SE Asia and europe. Anyway, I recently found out that she's likely back in town, but only in that I found her roomate on tinder, which is location based... That sounds super sketchy, and I get that, but this could be the last time that I can catch up with her before leaving the country for close to a year. Is there some way I can ask if she wants to grab coffee or something without coming across as stalkerish? I respect her space, and I get that we are romantically done, but I find her to be a really interesting and funny person still and would like to say hi at least one more time... | My ex-gf is back in town, but I found out through the grapevine. I wanted to catch up once more before I go travel for around a year. |
t3_3hr90d | relationships | How do you deal with unrequited love? | Probably a dumb question, but hey. So I [17M] went to this concept in Denmark called "efterskole" which is a place where you live and go to school for a year. It's in the same country. I met this girl [18F] who I fell in love with. We're still great friends, and we really helped each other with various personal problems, so I know we both mean a lot to each other. Problem is, we both take relationships too seriously. With me meaning she's the only girl I've ever been in love with, and I've now been so for over half a year, while she doesn't really do romance. We still chat a lot and are great friends, but it's hard to be in love with someone who will probably never love you. | How do you stop being in love with someone, who you from the start knew you didn't have a chance with? |
t3_4psp36 | relationships | Living with with my girlfriend [32 F] of three years, want to move out but not sure how to break it [28 M]? | To give some context, we moved in "accidentally" after I returned home from a year off. I did not have much money, a job lined up nor much of a fall back option. We did not discuss the arrangement and I simply stayed with her. The process of reestablishing myself took longer than I had hoped (8-9 months) and she was extremely supportive throughout (i.e: took care of rent, groceries).
There were times when I felt awkward about the situation but she was extremely reassuring. Our relationship has generally been pretty easy going but as of late we have been having a lot of fights and there are issues emerging.
I've been working for the past 5-6 months now and have taken over a few responsibilities in an effort to "pay her back" (it's not the same thing, I know).
Now she wants commitment from me and children within the next 1-2 years. I am not there yet - financially or emotionally. We have had issues with sexual compatibility, our families don't exactly get along and we have very different backgrounds. This has put a lot of strain on the relationship and I find myself falling out of love and into the "meh" territory.
Long story short, I want to move out now in an effort to salvage whatever we have left. How do I do it without appearing to be a complete douche bag to her, and our whole circle of friends? | Girlfriend got me through unemployment, feelings have changed and now that I'm back on my feet I feel guilty for wanting to leave. |
t3_4wggth | needadvice | Advice on a big ASoIaF Project | So for the past year or so I have been writing a chapter by chapter analysis for the A Song of Ice and Fire Series and been having a ton of fun doing it. Basically I read the chapter and wrote up a small summary with a commentary integrated into it. I didn't do any research it was just my first reaction. I posted them on a forum and got a good response so I decided to go onto the second book.
Then I decided to look at other peoples and it was incredible how much I didn't take into consideration. So I went back and added some new thoughts, I started reading a bit deeper and keeping track of things.
Then I realized how much potential there is in this series. I made a list of things to keep track of while I read and had this big plant. then I got overwhelmed and took a break.
I'm back into it and I just need some help. Should I:
1. I can read the books very slowly and get all the details out of each word - keep track of everything (Deaths, character appearances, Timeline, ect) or:
2. I could read through the books at a solid pace, write up a first gut reaction paper on each chapter, keep track of one or two things, but have to read the books multiple times.
Thoughts? | Should I read a book once very slowly and get all the details out of it or should I read the book multiples time getting a little bit out of each time I read? |
t3_ljzsh | AskReddit | Reddit, I am having my laptop repaired by IBM and it has taken 2 months for a minor issue, what should I do? | I sent my laptop away to get the back light repaired, or so I thought. The screen of my laptop was completely black, but in just enough light you could see that the laptop worked (I could see windows). I then plugged it into an external monitor to make sure it was not the graphics card which worked fine. I then sent it to IBM for repair. 2 months later they are still saying they are waiting for a part to be shipped. I have asked for a replacement, or a laptop to use for the the time being since I am a student and need a laptop, but they refused since it was not covered in my warranty. | My laptop was sent away to IBM for a minor issue 2 months ago, they are claiming to be waiting for a part to be shipped. Full time student who needs a laptop. What should I do? |
t3_4o0i5r | relationships | My [21M] girlfriend [21F] of four months told me that I am "average" in bed and that I do it like a "typical white-boy." How exactly do I react to this and how can I prevent my self-confidence from being crushed? | I have been dating this girl for about 4 months now and I was unable to have sex with her for the first month due to sexual anxiety. Finally, I became comfortable enough to have sex with her and it was pretty good.
For awhile it was more or less the same stuff in bed because I was too nervous to really switch it up but after a little research I decided I should try and communicate with her to better satisfy her needs. This is when she told me I do it like a typical white-boy and that I am average. I told her that if we are going to have better sex then we should communicate about it, but the way she is addressing it currently is demoralizing and not making me want to have sex with her anymore. What is the best way to help her learn to address her concerns more innocuously, and for me to learn not to take these things so seriously? Also, how can I become more confident with this topic in general? | My girlfriend doesn't think I am in the best in bed and has trouble phrasing that nicely, while I have trouble not letting this get to me. |
t3_s66iy | dating_advice | Should I get the hint and move on, or am I just being paranoid? | So met a guy about three weeks ago. He was extremely attractive, I'm a bit above average on the attractiveness scale. Neither of us were looking for relationships and we became FWB about a week later. We got together once, I gave him a few BJ's and we did other things; didn't go all the way, I said to give me another week, he seemed okay with that. He seemed to really enjoy the BJ's though, I only had trouble making him come once.
I contacted him once about STD's (both clean), but no further contact for about four days. I didn't receive any messages other than short replies. We planned to get together last night (I always initiated such conversations) but like three hours before we were supposed to meet up, I got a text saying he came down with food poisoning and I couldn't come.
Does that just seem like an excuse to anyone else? Or am I paranoid? I sent him a text in response that kind of makes it a little clear that I'm questioning if he wants to hang out again. "Well that sucks. If you feel better by tomorrow let me know and im free after 6. If not, i dunno, let me know if/when you want to hang out again." No response, no reply, nothing.
He said he doesn't like to text much, but I just really feel that needed to be responded to. What do you think? Is this a hint that he's not interested or should I try texting him again in a few days?
I was okay with this FWB's thing, but I really wanted to be at least friends. Not this shit. | My friends with benefits said he came down with food poisoning the night we were supposed to have sex for the first time together. Is this a hint that he's not interested? |
t3_x6ghj | offmychest | I want to quit law school but I don't know what else I would do. | I am between my first and second years of law school. I am already 40K in debt, and I pay in-state tuition. It wil end up being around 130K by the time I'm done. The job numbers are dismal, and unless I am making 6 figures right away, it will take me decades to pay off my student loans.
But most of all, I don't know that I want to be a lawyer. I like learning about the law, but I think I mostly just like being a student. I am scared to walk away from this. It's what my family really wants for me, and at one point I thought it was what I wanted, too. I am just not sure anymore.
I don't have any prior debt from undergrad, so I would walk away relatively unscathed compared to many other students. I want to work for the public good, and law school is stripping me of that desire and robbing me of my future income. I would love to be a social worker, or a midwife or birth assistant, or anything else besides this. | I thought I wanted to be a lawyer and that I was making a smart financial move, now I don't know if I want to do it anymore. |
t3_44rgk3 | jobs | Graduated in July but no luck finding a job. Should I go back to school or keep looking? | Not sure if this is the correct subreddit but basically i graduated in July 2015 with a biomedical sciences degree and since then i've been looking for a job. I've lost count of how many applications i've sent, but probably around 80-100. I haven't had much luck when it comes to getting shortlisted; i've been applying to any job that involves lab work and these (rarely) require lab experience, which i have but not much. i live in London where the amount of science graduates is too high for the few jobs that are available. none of my uni friends who took the same course as me have gotten a job that relates to our degree. i have even contacted my old university to ask for unpaid lab experience but they are not responding to my emails.
i'm wondering if i should go back to university for another year or so and do a masters to gain more experience, and get an unrelated job in the mean time. the only thing that made me hesitate to apply immediately after graduating was the cost. I'm not worried about my undergraduate loan, because in the UK we get a lot of help with that, and my parents are able to pay for a masters if i decide to do it but it's another huge burden on them that i'd rather deal with myself. i would appreciate some unbiased advice. | I can't find a job after looking for almost 6 months, should I go back to university to do a masters or keep looking? |
t3_3ajgyl | relationship_advice | My (31F) FIL is a tyrant keeping my husband's mom and sister away from us. | My husband and I are both 31 and have a brand new 3 month old baby girl. We've been together 7 years and married for 2.
My husbands family consists of his dad and mom (divorced) and 28 year old mentally disabled sister. She is like a 7 year old in terms of her abilities. His parents have a totally deranged, codependent relationship and still live together - ostensibly- for the welfare of their daughter.
The truth is that my FIL is nasty, unreasonable, prick with whom we had a falling out when out baby was a month old. My husband had always been afraid of his Dad, but fatherhood made him strong enough to confront the bastard. Today they had it out over the phone, and it ended on bad terms again. This is fine in and of itself because we hate this man and don't want him around our child. The problem is that he keeps my MIL and my totally innocent SIL away from us.
My MIL is a very sweet lady who is afraid to live on her own (she could afford it). FIL treats her like utter GARBAGE - less than human- but she takes it so she can have access to her daughter. He has custody.
If we made nice and pretended he wasn't a total monster who insults everyone around him we could be a big happy family. We tip toed around the man for years for the sake of SIL who loves us so much. We can't do it anymore.
My MIL has barely seen the baby twice. It's heartbreaking. Part of me wants to give in so she can.
What would you do? Tolerate the man for the other's sake? Or put your foot down once and for all and let MIL be responsible for her decision to stay with him? | Evil FIL is keeping husband's mom and sister away from Us because we told him off for being an awful person. Family is torn apart. |
t3_3j4nlo | relationships | Me [27M] with my EX [24F] 8-months, dumped me out of the blue. I am really confused and lost. | Okay, so bear with me this is my first time posting on Reddit. I apologize for any mistakes with titles or format.
I'm not sure how to start this. I guess some background information. I met, Sarah 4 months after getting out of a 2-year relationship and pretty much fell for her immediately. Oddly she had just got out of a 2-year relationship as well at about the same time. She was funny, beautiful, and fun to be around we quickly became best friends. Nothing about the relationship felt off (ever). There was never a second I didn't want to spend with her the sex was the best I've ever had and I've never been that comfortable around someone in my life. She felt the same. We even talked about kids, houses, marriage and were looking at apartments. She told me she's never been this happy and never loved someone like she loves me and I believed it because I felt the same way.
So cut to last night, after about 30 hours of her not responding to any messages or phone calls I gave her, which is completely odd and I was worried. We've talked everyday for 8 months non stop. Out of no where she breaks up with me over the phone when I live 10 minutes away. When she was talking to me I could barely speak trying to catch my breath, crying and wondering where the hell is this coming from? She was, stoic? Kind of a monotone voice. No quivering, no hints of sadness and no crying. She said this was because she had spent the last 2 days already crying and even throwing up. Her reasoning for the break up was: She needs time for herself right now. Literally, a day before we were all cuddled up on the bed watching Netflix and she told me she loved me more anything and then boom, this.
Was this a rebound? I've never felt like this about someone and I'm having a hard time believing I'll ever feel this way again. I'm more messed up than I was after getting out of that 2-year relationship. I just need some help understanding this and have no one I can really talk to. | Together with girl for 8 months, best relationship I've had. Dumped out of the blue after nc for about 30 hours. |
t3_1ju25r | relationships | Me[16M] with my girlfriend [16F] 4 months but best friends for 2 years, broke up | So me and her were best friends for 2 years before we started dating. All throughout that time i liked her,then one day we were talking and i asked her any guys catching your eye lately and then 3 days later she finally told me who it was...it was me. Then me and her started going out and it was great but the one thing that worried me was she said she started to like me because she was jealous of me and my ex's relationship,which at the time should of scared me but i didn't. Then about two months in we said we loved each other,even though i loved her way before that. And everything was perfect nothing was wrong and then 5 days ago me and her had the best day i ever spent with her and that was the last time i saw her before the worst day of my life happened.
On saturday me and her were texting and then she stopped texting me so i assumed she fell a sleep but then sunday i texted her and it seemed like she was being distant and didnt want to talk and she just said good night without saying she loved me like she usually did. I started getting scared but didnt want to worry. Then yesterday she came over crying and didnt say hi or anything just ran upstairs to my couch and i tried to console her but she kept fighting me off then i looked down and saw her Clauddagh ring was turned the other way and then she told me that i was a perfect boyfriend but she felt that i needed someone who loved me as much as i loved her and then she left.
So i guess the jealously wore off and now im crushed. And i really need someone who wont sugar coat anything because me and her share the same friend group and everyone gives me bullshit. | Me and her were best friends for 2 years. Went out for 4 months. Was the perfect boyfriend but jealously wore off. We also same the same friend group |
t3_2qvd7z | relationships | My [20F] Boyfriend [21 M] can be pretty mean to other people but gets offended when I speak up | To say this up front, he is super sweet to me but he is very mean to other people now and then. It really bothers me as I do not support his behavior.
Most of the time it's just little things. He laughs when people hurt themselves and makes mean comments.
But he also insulted my sister a couple of times and I heard from a good friend that he was part of the "bully group" back in high school.
I just don't understand this because he is always so righteous when we talk about things, and most of the time he treats me very well.
I just bothers me so much how he always makes fun of people but I don't know how to approach him. Everytime I comment on his behavior he gets super offended. He says it's just his humor, but he is hurting people with it. | Boyfriend treats me well, but not other people. It bothers me but everytime I comment on it, he gets offended. |
t3_15x1rx | offmychest | I hate one of my closest friends, i just want to break his nose. | for about 2 weeks now i have been avoiding my friends i have missed at least 3-4 social get together, i doubt they even care that i haven't shown up to any of the events.
background: my friends are those sort of people who don't care about anything unless it directly effects them. for instance this happened not 3 weeks ago, my friend said "i know i shouldn't fuck with peoples life like this, but i don't care its fun." this made me endlessly hate him. and he is the person they follow basically without question.
i just don't even want to see them, they haven't invited me to what they have done and my friend openly admitted they have done stuff, like see the hobbit, go out when they know i wasn't doing anything(this was before i started actively avoiding him). also this friend fails to understand other peoples emotions. he understands, he doesn't get when other people are angry and sad even if you say "dude im fucking pissed off at you" and only i and his ex gf know this,
when people tell him that were angry at him he is always like "well fuck you too i didn't fucking do anything to you, your always angry at me for no fucking reason" then he proceeds to make it worst by making fun of that person on purpose making that person even more upset and this makes him happy, makes him feel better about himself for doing this.
i hate him i don't ever what to see him again, i can't confront him about this because... i don't know why... and if i do im afraid that i will loose my friends because of him, or never hang out with them because he is the one who invites people to every event. and decides who comes and who doesn't.
any why sorry for the awful spelling/grammar or abillity to make sense. i just needed to get this off my chest i feel better now that i have. | my friend is a fucking asshole because he doesn't care about anyone but him self and i never want to see him again, yet hes my "best friend". |
t3_20dj4n | dogs | Timid English setter is terrified of aggressive cat. How can I build his confidence indoors? | Background: We got our English setter from the animal humane society about a month ago. He is about 18 months old. We have two cats (both males, 8 years old, with claws).
We introduced them slowly, keeping the cats in another room while the dog had run of the house for a couple hours, then letting the cats out to sniff the dog while he was in his crate. The dog is completely non-reactive to the cats, does not chase them or try to play with them, and would prefer to keep his distance.
The dominant cat is a 15-pound Maine coon, and he has been very aggressive towards the dog, stalking him through the house, and occasionally rushing him, hissing and clawing. He has never injured the dog, but as a result of the aggression the dog is extremely timid indoors. He has a lot of energy and personality outdoors, but is extremely submissive indoors, turning to face the wall whenever the cat is around, and is generally just not comfortable walking around the house.
The animals have to be supervised constantly and it's becoming really frustrating. We're treating everyone heavily for positive interactions, and continue to do this daily, but there doesn't seem to be much improvement. | 15-pound cat has turned 45-pound dog into a cowering mess. Humans are frustrated. Suggestions? |
t3_1219aj | relationships | My SO (31M) Wants Me (24F) To Pay For Almost Everything | My SO and I have been in a relationship since December and we live together. Long story short, he was diagnosed with MS about 4 months ago and he's been a heroin/opiate addict for several years. He's now using his MS as an excuse to not work and so that his family, friends and bosses will feel sorry for him and give him money, which mostly goes to drugs. He'll say he can't walk, is feeling sick, etc, but since I live with him, I can see that he is clearly feeling fine most of the time. Sometimes, he'll go overboard with the heroin, blame the MS for feeling shitty the next day, he'll get money from people to go to the doctor or for food and he'll buy more H.
He's paying rent for a small studio and utilities, my parents pay for my phone, food and extra money to have fun with. I finally have a job and he's saying I need to pay for everything now. His reason is, work will be slow and he only gets commission, he hasn't been showing up to work and blames the MS, when it's the drug use most of the time. He says what money he does earn will go towards seeing doctors. However, this is what he -always- tells everyone and he just buys drugs. I will be able to afford to pay for everything, but feel like I shouldn't have to. I don't know what to say to him, or what to do to protect myself. I wanted to split things 50/50 and put most of the rest in a savings account. If he only pays half of the bills, it would only be around $300 a month, but he will deny/lie about making more than enough. If he actually went to work as much as he's suppose to, he would make around $1,200-$2,000 a month. Usually he spends around $1,000 a month on drugs.
I know everyone will probably say break up with him, but he could get me fired since my boss is his buddy. Also, I have no other place to live. I do love him, but I'm trying to stay emotionally uninvolved as much as possible because of all the BS. | SO has MS and is a heroin addict. Is lying about being sick 24/7 and is playing on people's emotions to get money, now he's doing it to me. |
t3_3miq3u | relationships | Me [20f] with my boyfriend[20M] of three years in a LTR, feeling depressed. | My amazing boyfriend and I have been dating for almost three years now and have been long distance for the entire time we have been dating
We started dating right before going off to different colleges three hours away from each other. I love him and our relationship so much, he is my absolute best friend. It has always been hard being long distance even though we get to see each other almost every weekend, but we have managed pretty well until now. The hardest thing is not being able to just relax with him after a hard day and not being able to be under the same roof with him yet doing our own things.
I graduate in April and plan on getting a teaching job in his area and moving in with him. We talk about our future all the time and are on the same page.
I have been able to cope with the long distance so far by finding happiness in my day to day life and looking forward to the future with him.
My problem is that lately, I am finding it so hard to be happy. My everyday life without him is just getting so stressful and I feel so alone all the time. I live with my dad who is gone a lot on business and the only friends I really have are the ones that I go to school with. We are all so busy with school work and internships that I literally have no time for anything after school/internship except sleep.
I used to be so happy all the time and now I find that the only time I can really be happy is when I come to visit him for the weekend. My stress and unhappiness during the week is seeping into my happiness when I am with him and even though he is not doing anything to make me upset, I always feel sad in anticipation of when I will miss him during the week.
What do I do? We have really great communication and I am usually always able to talk to him about how I am feeling but with this I just feel so lost and can't even find words to express to him how I feel. | Weekdays are getting so stressful when he is not around that I am not able to enjoy the little time I do get to spend with him. I feel so lost. |
t3_2uvg8o | relationships | Me [28M] with my wife [26F] of 2 years, she's never been "madly in love" with me | Hi r/relationships, here's some background on us. We've been together for 4 years, living together for 3, married for 2. Both work at steady jobs. Good financial situation. Communicate well. Rarely fight.
Recently, we had a conversation about our future. Many things came out in that conversation.
*Sometimes, she feels sad about our future, that we won't be able to become as successful as we would like, because I spend too much time on non-productive activities (video games).
I really don't think I spend too much time gaming. In our free time, we work on side projects quite a bit. Meaning, potential ways to make money. Sometimes, especially after a long day at work, I do get on Steam and play something. I think it's a case of confirmation bias, but she disagrees.
*I am not her "ideal" partner, the one she always imagined she would end up with. I am too introverted and "not aggressive enough".
She knew my personality before we got married. Why is it suddenly an issue?
*She's never been "madly in love" with me. She wishes she could be. But, she says that I'm the only person she's ever loved, the only person she could see spending the rest of her life with, and she's very comfortable with me.
This one really hurt. I am completely in love with her. I would give up everything for her if I had to. I thought she felt the same way, but she doesn't.
I feel lost. I feel like our marriage has been based on a lie. When I look at her, I feel only sadness. I don't know what to do. She thinks we can work through this together and we'll come our stronger. I can't even bring myself to touch her.
Am I wrong in feeling this way? Would therapy help? Is it over? I don't know what to do. | Wife wishes she was "madly in love" with me, I think our marriage is a lie and can't recover. |
t3_52yvgp | relationships | weird to message a guy (24 m) a month and half after we met(28 f)? I really wanna put my face on his face. | In july at a party I met a cute guy, We talked for a couple of hours, there was some hardcore flirting and he walked me home at 2 am. I added him onn facebook and we exchanged a few messages before conversation fizzled as he was travelling.
I am looking for something casual and according to mutual friend he is a player who is also fooling around. I was attracted to him and I am pretty sure he was attracted to me. Would it be weird to message him a month and half later asking him to meet for a coffee and see if sparks fly? Or should I ask him about his trip first? I don't want to go all hey are you dtf? but also don''t want to give the impression I am interested in dating. | met cute guy at party, we flirted, i wanna have sex with him, would it be weird to ask him to meet up after a month and half of not talking? what would such a text say? |
t3_ik8ki | relationship_advice | My boyfriend says he doesn't know how to be happy. Advice needed, please. | My boyfriend and I (both 24) have been together for almost a year now, but have known each other since middle school. We have been living together for the past month and everything has been great. He's really perfect for me. He's sweet, kind, caring, generous, handsome, very smart, hard working, and he treats me really well. We have a lot of fun together and we have similar interests. We have been long distance for most of our relationship because he goes to a university on the west coast, but we are originally from the east coast. I came out here to be with him for the summer, but next year we will be apart again for some time while he studies abroad. I will be going with him abroad for some of the time, but due to our financial situations I will not be with him the whole time.
So, last night we were talking about our relationship and I asked him if I make him happy. He responded by saying that he thinks so, but he doesn't really know if he's ever been happy before. I tried to get him to think of anything that made him happy and he really struggled to think of even one thing. He says that he loves and cares about me very much and he wants to be with me for a long time, but he sometimes thinks I would be better off without him. He says he doesn't know how to be happy or what that even feels like. It breaks my heart to think that I can't bring any joy into his life. He says he doesn't know if he feels any differently now than he did before we were dating, but that he's sure that he loves me. I'm so confused by this.
I really want nothing more than to make him happy. What can I do to help him feel some kind of happiness? How can I make him happy if he doesn't even know what makes him happy? I'm really frustrated and hurt feeling like I don't make him happy. Sorry this is long, I just wanted to give as many details as I could. | My boyfriend says that he doesn't know what it feels like to be happy, he has never been happy, and he doesn't even know if I make him happy even though he's sure he loves me. |
t3_zy65a | relationship_advice | [24/M] Went to a party with a girl I like (25), I got drunk, I fucked it up. | First, a little background on me. I'm socially anxious, I've never had a girlfriend or kissed a girl.
I (was?) looking to have a romantic relationship with a coworker. We have spent some time together, eating lunch, going to the movies, etc. We even had a date, which she liked and said we should do it every week.
Last night some friends and me went to a bar to celebrate her b-day. We got really drunk and went to her home to sleep. In the cab I said: "I hope this doesn't harm the possibilities of going out with you". She only said that I never had a chance.
Of course it hit me hard. I don't remember, but a friend said I did quite a mess in her home because I couldn't sleep, that I was walking in circles, tripping in the furniture, making a lot of noise.
What I remember is she, telling me in a scolding tone: "Please, just try to sleep". When everyone was asleep I quietly left her house because I started to cry and I couldn't bear being in her home in such a shameful state.
What should I do? I really like her, please advise. | Went to a party with a girl I like, I got very drunk, I asked her if me looking so drunk could harm the chances of going out with her, she said I never had a chance with her. |
t3_54w2db | relationships | I [25 F] want to be more distant from my [25 M] platonic friend | Hello,
I don't want to be close friends with this person anymore as he is suffocating and makes me feel awkward. I don't enjoy his companionship like I used to. I'm trying to fade away and be more distant, but it's hard as we have many mutual classes with eachother. I'm feeling anxious and frustrated with this situation. I don't even look forward going to school anymore because it makes me scared and anxious thinking of how to deal with him. I completely regret becoming close friends with him and wish I had listened to my gut and not pursued this relationship further than as an acquaintance.. :-(
It seems random to start distancing as he has don't anything in particular to warrant this. The only change that happened was I found female friends to hang out with more and I preferred their company to his.
When he talks to me, he gets very close and into my personal space and I don't like it at all.... I wish he could find other guy friends to hang out with and leave me alone.
I don't know what to do. :-( what are some strategies to deal with this? 😭😭😭 | what are some strategies to distance myself (25 F) away from a male (25) friend who makes me feel awkward? |
t3_1z7iaq | relationships | Sexted once in a relationship and feeling extreme guilt. Advice? | Hey guys,
I'm a 24 M and my girlfriend is 22. We've been together for about 3 years now. Awhile ago, a friend told me about a message app called Kik and I've been using it for about a couple weeks, never before for sexting or anything like that although I've now learned that's one of the main purposes of this thing.
Anyway, I won't get into exactly how because that would be a pretty long story, but I got a woman's Kik that wanted to start sexting. She was single and a couple years older than me. I knew from the beginning it was wrong to be doing this... but when she started initiating the sexting, I was sort of exciting and I really didn't think about it. She asked for a picture of me, but I was way too nervous to send a picture of myself and it might get out in some way...so I got one from Google (yes, I know this story is pathetic beyond words).
Anyway, after I did that, she sent one back to me, and I know it was her 100% and not from the Internet like I'd sent her. The second after I saw it, I wanted to vomit. Everything I had done suddenly came to me and my stomach churned with the guilt I should have been feeling all along. I immediately blocked her and later deleted the application.
This happened about a half hour ago and my stomach has been in knots ever since. I can't believe that I would stoop to something that low. I've been faithful our entire relationship and she's the best thing to ever happen to me.
My question is - should I tell my girlfriend about this? It would absolutely destroy her and the thought of that conversation makes me sick. | Sexted another girl while in a relationship once and immediately cut off all contact with the other girl. Should I tell my girlfriend? |
t3_4mgoe4 | personalfinance | (AUS) Parent marrying overseas - help | So last year my father I was living with dropped the bomb that he was getting married in July 2016 and going to live indefinitely overseas with the spouse I had never met.
Cool. Immediately I was happy for him because I want to see him happy. His future wife booked an airfare as a surprise a month later, and he left on my birthday a few days before last Christmas (was meant to go mid-2016)
I am still a teen in university, so after that I devised a financial plan this year which has included working 3 jobs (soon to be 4) so that I could save enough to cover living expenses and buy a car, while having to work for free 2 months of the year on my clinical-placements
A few months into the year dad comes back to Australia, saying the wedding is off and he hates the country/ can't earn money because he has no visa. I tell him to stay and marry but he doesn't. So I make plans to work my ass off to make up for all the income lost on placement, and maybe a trip to SE asia because it's close and flights are cheap.
Then he tells me the wedding is on again, and also I have to pay for flights because they're 'broke'. I'm torn whether to go or not as it's only a month's notice.
I hate the country he's living in (last time I went there in childhood my dad told me to kill myself, sounds a bit extreme but it wasn't a great time in life.... things have improved dramatically since I've gained autonomy/independence), don't really want to lose income from not working and spend 2k< for a week over there... but if I don't go now I'll have to go at X-mas.... I don't know what to do.... all this sounds selfish but I think there's a lot of frustration at dad for abandoning me, then expecting me to pay to see him have a partnership that doesn't seem greatly viable and put my life on pause. | parent unexpectedly marrying overseas, left me (18yo student) and wants me to take time off work + self-fund a trip to wedding which has been canceled once already |
t3_2ydhhq | tifu | TIFU by having discreet shower sex | Many a time, I have indulged in the agreeable activity of passionate shower sex. Like having sex in the rain, except in the comfort of your own home and steamier. Culminating in plenty of slippery pounding, suppressed moaning and perhaps a couple of wet-flesh-upon-wet-flesh slapping sounds here and there. You get the idea. Not only is there the appeal of ease in clean up, but the sound of the (quite loud in my house) running water disguises many sins whilst other people are home so it's win all around! Right?!
As I type this, I am sitting *downstairs* in my living room, listening to my brother and his girlfriend casually chatting in the upstairs bathroom, clear as day. Nay, clearer. I've heard this before whilst in my bedroom (which is next to the bathroom) but simply cringed whilst making a mental note to ensure subsequent encounters are quieter. That shower sex was too good to give up man. Now, as I listen to my brother's obnoxiously resounding chortle, I realise that this has all been in vain. My shower is truly excellent at amplifying sounds. :( | [The same reason why my singing sounds good in the shower] is why I've likely played countless sex symphonies to my family. Be warned. |
t3_31jwh4 | relationships | (Update) My [24 M] (ex-) girlfriend [22 F] seems to have dumped me because she found someone | I'd posted about 2 weeks ago about my girlfriend breaking up with me saying that she wanted to 'explore'
So, since then, I have found out a few things about her. She seems to spend entire weekends at some guy's (her classmate) place. Like she sleeps there for 2/3 full nights. Now, I know this should've been none of my business but it seems like she started doing this when I'd gone for an academic trip the week before she broke up with me. And, it is so unlike her to spend days at someone's place. She used to be very attached to her personal space and wouldn't like to spend much time outside, let alone sleeping for several nights. When I asked her about it, she said it was with a bunch of people. But I can't imagine bunch of people staying over at someone's house every weekend for 4 consecutive weeks.
Also, her mum called and insisted that she's only feeling unloved and that I should try to make her feel special. I do agree that I might not have shown her all the love that I should've but that was because I was stressed out because of my work and she knew it too.
Now, I know you guys asked me to cut all contact with her. I tried to do that initially, but she screwed up something, requested for my help and we kinda started talking again. In the last two days, I tried to tell her that we could try getting back together and she's just started avoiding me.
My questions are: Could she really be sleeping at some guy's place and not have been sleeping with him? I want to believe that she didn't start sleeping with some dude within a week of (or even before) the breakup.
Should I even consider getting back together with her? | (Ex-)Girlfriend spends weekends at some guy's place. I'm not sure if I should try to get back. |
t3_2ts4kp | relationships | I [21F] found heart breaking texts to another girl on my boyfriends[21M](of 2years) phone. | This (Monday) morning I got ready for class like normal and I had slept over my boyfriends house. He was still sleeping and in my bright mind I thought hmm he never lets me see his phone. Before anyone says anything I always let him see mine and if he asks who I am texting I tell. I trust him. Well did. While he was asleep I saw that he had texted this girl, lets call her Janice. I knew they were friends but from reading the messages I knew this was a bit serious. To give you context they knew each other freshmen year of collage and were in the same dorm.
here is a text from him:"...Like I said you're this beautiful girl that's interesting in so many ways..."
some more "lol"s and "aww thx" later
Text From Janice: "I loved spending time with you. I had serious mothafuckin feelings for you lol. Hell I was totally willing to lose my virginity to you."
His reply: "Same here! Shit I wish we still spent time together, and I honestly think about that a lot (sorry). I still remember all the fun times we had . I didn't know you liked me that much. I always thought I was just a second thought to you.
It seemed like he instigated all of this.
I took pictures of the texts on my phone and he grabbed my phone and tried to delete them and got violent about. I don't know how to talk to him either cause he argues about it and in my mind he should be groveling. I told him to text her and tell her sorry for saying those things and he didn't mean them and that hes in a relationship. I also told him he had to cut off communication with her like on facebook, snapchat, and texting. I feel like I'll be on high alert every time he picks up his phone and it'll just eat me alive.
What do I say? Should I trust him? | My boyfriend spilled his feelings through text to a girl he's good friends with. He never lets me see his phone. |
t3_2n4uut | relationships | The girl I'm dating [20F] and I [22M] prefer to hang out at my place (she has a roommate); I feel bad she has to come visit me, what can I do? | She shares a room with a girl at school, and her roommate is always around so we both said we would rather hang out at my place for privacy and not annoying her roommate. We've only seen each other 4 times.
I really like her, and feel really bad that she has to come visit me. I've tried to offer to take public transport back with her (neither of us have cars) but she refused and told me that was stupid/wasteful. Also, i've suggested meeting at restaurants in between us and then going back to my place afterwards.
Is there anything I can do to make this easier for her? I'm the guy and am supposed to (and want to!) be the one visiting her, but she said she feels awkward with her roommate around. | What can I do so the girl I'm dating doesn't always have to come visit me alone when she has a roommate and I don't (so we prefer to be at my place)? |
t3_1eaza7 | relationships | I don't think my gf loves me. | 20M with 18F for about 9 months, LDR.
I've loved this girl since I became her bf, and I have done everything in order to preserve this relationship when it's long distance. I don't feel she loves me the same way I do for her.
I always want to do activities with her, but I wish she would initiate once in a while too. Her excuses are that "I'm the man, I should be in charge." I do take charge most of the time, but when I have to call every single time in order to be with her I don't feel any love back.
She also wants to go to senior prom, and I'm okay with that. What makes me uncertain and wary is that she was crying when no guy was ask her out to prom when she already has me. This doesn't make sense; why would she CRY over something like this? Another major problem is that she said it wasn't MY problem, but hers and hers alone. Don't two people in a relationship share or overcome a problem together?
My friend and sister both say that she is simply in love with THE IDEA of being in love with me, NOT ME. I truthfully do not feel happy in this relationship and I feel it may come to a bitter end one day. Since I am coming back for the summer to be with her I decided I am going to talk with her one on one and attempt to alleviate any problems. If things work out, I will give her the summer to see if she has changed for the better. Otherwise I feel I should breakup with her; the problem is I am so afraid of finding another person who truly will love me for who I am. I am lost and uncertain of the future. | I think my gf is in love with the idea of me, not actually ME. My gut says do not stay with her, what should I do? |
t3_3pyhxw | relationships | Me [18 M] with my brother [15 M] think he is dating friend [18M] who we live with and I'm concerned | People in this situation:
Liam- my 15 year old brother
Brett- Me (18)
Jonah- my friend who i think is dating liam (18)
Aiden- a friend who is living with us.
Liam, jonah, aiden and i all live together. My dad was abusive, so my mom let me move out with Liam when i turned 16. He was 13. Jonah also moved in with us because his parents were abusive. This year aiden moved in. We all have our own rooms.
Jonah has always been honest about the fact that he likes liam. Liam is pretty cute and a sweet kid. I noticed that Jonah seemed to have a crush on him two years ago. I confronted him, and he admitted it. Liam seems to have a crush on Jonah as well.
Liam and Jonah share a bed. Liam likes the feeling of comfort and safety, and Jonah doesn't mind.
Liam is very innocent. He doesn't really know about sex or relationships, but he's not curious either.
Lately aiden and i have been suspecting that something is happening. Some examples of why we suspect a relationship are.
1. They are always cuddled together at night
2 Liam sits on Jonah's lap a lot
3. They go out together a lot
4. Jonah has been getting increasingly protective
5. They've showered together multiple times.
Theres more examples, but this is all i can think of.
I know some people might say they're adults and they will do what they want, but I'm just looking for some advice.
What should i do? Should i talk to them? Do some rules need to be set? Any advice?
If you have any questions just ask | i think my friend who my little brother and i live with is dating my brother and im not sure what to. Wuestions are above |
t3_4y9p8r | relationships | Me [27 M] with my aunt [55 F] trying to dictate who can be invited to my wedding. | My aunt flat out told me today that she would not come (and therefore including her husband and my two cousins) to my wedding if I invite these 2 other cousins (both in their teens) whom she does not like.
Without getting too much into it, my aunt's son s exually assaulted one of these cousins a few years ago, and while she has kicked the son out of her home she kind of resents the cousin for whatever reason she imagined up (she says the cousin says things behind her back etc etc)
Anyway, she is probably the last of my extended family that I talk to, I haven't really spoken to these 2 cousins but I feel like they need to be included with the family especially for a wedding as they are just kids and shouldn't be resented. I don't expect them to accept the invitation as I'm not inviting their parents, for just generally being assholes at my father's funeral.
Anyway, I told the aunt, very calmly, that I would not talk to her anymore if she refused the wedding invitation for this reason and she seemed ok with that. My stomach is turning though. I would most definitely cut off contact with her, but her husband is an uncle I love very much, and she is very controlling of him. That and the fact that I would then only have my mother and grandmother as family at my own wedding. The wedding is in a year so this is wayyy jumping the gun. But I just feel no one has a right to say who gets invited to my wedding but me and the future wife, and people should be adult enough to put aside differences to celebrate this event for a few hours.
But, I'm feeling more likely than not that I will have to cut her out. And I want to know if I'm overreacting, and if anyone can give me advice on how to cope with this. What would be reasonable? Should I still send her an invite? | aunt is trying to dictate who can come to my wedding and threatening to not appear if she doesn't get her way. |
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