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t3_2t9ku8 | tifu | TIFU by needing a home. | I'm in my first year university and I got into residence during my second semester. During first semester it was hard to find friends to live with because no one really know how I lived, I guess. (or people don't really like me... that's probably it)
And so once I moved into residence, my new roommate and the girls in the room across the hall decided that we should all live together next year.
We narrowed it down to two places; the first was a newly renovated house, where the rent was over priced, and its near the house I lived in last semester; the second was an apartment unit that had updated appliances, equally as spacious, but it only had one bathroom. People are skeptical about 4 girls sharing one bathroom, but I've done it before so I don't think that it's going to be a problem.
We decided to invite our parents down to see the two houses because they would want to know where we'd be living and what they're (partially) paying for.
It ended up that only my mom could come down last weekend and she wouldn't let me live in the first house. I don't like the first house, so I wasn't really complaining. The other girls understood... except for my roommate. My roommate lead the mission to still get that house and find a replacement for me which forced me and my mom to go and search for a new place for me, living with strangers/by myself, for hours.
When we finished our search, the girls agreed to "compromise with me" and "have it my way" which kind of contradict each other... anyways it's been four days since she's last talked to me and it's really starting to suck. | My roommate's mad at me because she can't live in the house she wants to live in, and so she hasn't talked to me for days which has made me sad. |
t3_3eplah | personalfinance | Unique Situation: Looking to ask for a raise | Hi all - first post here at PF (long-time browser who's found a wealth of useful advice early in my career.
I'm 23/m/ who's been working for ~1 following graduation. Was promoted a month ago and currently making ~$80k (inclusive of bonus) in financial services. I live in a high COL area, but manage to get by just fine. This past week a senior member of my team (team of 4) abruptly quit and indicated to me in confidence that another senior person may be leaving soon (down to 2 - which would leave me and the team lead as the remaining core if this plays out). I view 1 person leaving as an opportunity but 2 invokes an "oh fuck." We operate in a fairly narrow niche and tend to not like to hire from the outside unless absolutely necessary. That being said, if someone (or 2) were indeed hired, it would likely result in a several month adjustment period.
Obviously this will result in a good load of the work being put on me. I am new to this team myself, so not in a position to leapfrog and be promoted again; still, I feel that if the second senior person left I would be put in a very unfavorable situation.
Currently I'm viewing this as an opportunity, but if it plays out in an extreme way I think I might be in a good bargaining position to request some sort of a pay raise (thinking ~$5-10k). Like I said, we do not like to hire from the outside given the extended onboarding required in our niche, and my performance to date has been very strong.
I would appreciate some advice as to how I should approach requesting a raise. Current game plan is to see if the second senior person sticks around or not. I think if he left too that would make my case much stronger. Additionally, I want to continue to put forth a strong effort over the next month or so to show that I am serious about dedicating myself to the team.
Thanks all! | Senior member of my team of 4 quit and informed me that another person may be on the way out as well. Looking to be compensated for what will likely be a hellish period for me going forward. |
t3_fndh5 | relationships | Thought I Was Over Ex, Missing Her Like Crazy | Back in november, my ex gf[27] broke up with me [26] after being together for 7 years and living together for a good 4 of those years for another guy. I went through the whole mourning phase, did the whole delete from facebook, end contact, etc... was depressed for a month, but got back on my feet and started dating other people (nothing serious).
Rewind to earlier this month, when I learned that her brother died in a car accident, and I decided to man the fuck up, and do one of the most difficult things I've done and went to the funeral to support her (even though her bf was there). I did it as somebody who was with her for 7 years, and she told me herself when I got there that no one has the emotional connection with her like I did. She was super grateful I was there and ditched her bf for a good hour to talk to me.
Now, logically I don't want to get back together with her by any means, and I know she has moved on and wants to remain friends (which i don't think I can do at this point), but lately, I've been missing her like hell. It seems like every little thing reminds me of her, and I keep having to stop myself from texting her... and I keep getting crazy depressed.
I feel like I completely relapsed to the mourning phase of the relationship again, what the hell is going on? | Girl broke up with me to be with somebody else. Went through mourning phase, started seeing other people and was good for a while, but recently, I feel like I relapsed and I miss her like crazy. |
t3_cs65z | AskReddit | Reddit, what should I do about a slacking co-worker? | I'll try to keep it short but ... eh who am I kidding. Basically my co-workers' work ethic has been waning. It started shortly after she returned from vacation but that was close to 2 months ago now.
We are supposed to share responsibilities such as answering the phone, handling clients, taking tours of the building (we lease high end rentals), and other mundane office tasks. The objective of any rental property is to keep it occupancy level as high as possible and ever since we stabilized the property she has lost all enthusiasm. She basically just browses/chats on facebook all day, texts, and reads magazines. Whenever she answers the phone she sounds distant, cold, and uninviting. Whenever she takes a tour she is abrupt and skips her entire sales presentation. This seriously hurts the traffic generated toward the property and obviously doesn't convert many leases. In fact, she hasn't had a lease in weeks. She used to convert like crazy.
Our manager doesn't seem to have picked up on it and I am honestly debating whether or not to mention it to him or to take it up with her first. She has a quick temper and can be set off very easily if she feels self-conscious. I don't mean to sound cowardly but I have to work with this woman daily so I don't want to jeopardize our working relationship. Instead, I feel like the manager should take it up with her so she feels it coming down with some authority. I don't necessarily plan to rat her out about her internet browsing because I'm not innocent myself. There is always downtime - like right now while I write this. The bottom line is that I like the woman as a co-worker but can't understand where her productivity has gone. I don't want to have to bring it up to my manager but I want to see the company succeed.
Anyway, venting feels good and any advice would be appreciated. | co-workers productivity has fallen off. she is typically a good co-worker but has started dropping the ball. can't decide whether or not to mention it to my manager. |
t3_ox8hc | AskReddit | What do I do Reddit? Flat has gone to shit. | The new landlord just showed up, turns out the lease ends 4 days early(Have to be out tomorrow). It also turns out that someone hasn't been paying rent, it is $1400 in arrears.
Compounding this is that the flat has fallen into disrepair, I gave up a few months ago as I was the only one that actually did any cleaning around here. There are going to be costs to clean the house added to the rent arrears.
Short of physical violence I really don't see how to rectify the situation, words are not going to make whomever is short pay up $1400.
Tomorrow at 12 pm the landlord is turning up with cleaners. My good friend is coming by tomorrow at 10am to help me move... My plan at this stage is to cut and run.
My name and two others are on the lease, one moved out when he decided sleeping with my ex and calling me an asshole was a good idea and the other left abroad. The vacancies have been filled with random people, people that don't like to pay rent.
Also, power, internet and dryer/washing machine rental are in my name. Thankfully flatmates have been paying me for these though it would seem there is going to be around $100-200 I'll have to cover unless the claims I will be paid by next week are true.
So yeah, all in all this situation is fucked.
Any advice? Also, any stories in regards to flatting that make this pale by comparison? Much thanks. | Flat is a mess, have to be out tomorrow, flatmates haven't been paying rent, my name is on the lease. What do I do? |
t3_qsnw4 | relationships | Handling ex-gf? | I've been with my bf for two years (m/26, f/22). It's my first 'real' relationship, his second. As such, I am unsure about how to deal with his ex. They broke up because of value differences, but still remain close friends in the same social groups. I've met her a few times and we've hung out, and she is a flirty, touchy-feely person that I am not comfortable having around my bf. I don't know what to do or how to proceed... I spoke with him about it and he kind of blew it off as not a big deal because they are 'just friends'. My bf doesn't like to make people mad, so I don't trust him to say anything to her if she starts to be inappropriate with him until it's too late.
Thoughts? Also, if anyone has any other advice about ex-SOs, I'd be grateful! I don't like to cause drama but this is really a thorn in my side and I can't seem to get it out of my head. :/ | I don't know how to handle bf's friendly relationship with ex, and I have cause to be nervous because of her past behavior. |
t3_25mjnv | offmychest | My dad is an asshole and I still can't help my friend | My dad has always been very strict. My mother was the open minded one, and I went to her with most things. Lately, he has been more involved in my life in terms of knowing everything that's going on (he complained, and my mother tells him everything) and he is driving me insane. He picks and jokes about things that I care about a lot and he makes me feel so so shitty. He doesn't like the fact I'm pan-sexual, and blames me for having anxiety and depression. He is also a douche to my friends and especially my best friend, who is tans and now currently homeless. He jokes about him being trans and does not support him, even though they had a great relationship before he came out.
I'm suffocating and one again feel so powerless to help anyone. My dad is making everything worse and I need to get out. | My dad is an asshole who doesn't support me at all in who I am, and I'm worried about my friend who is effected by him |
t3_y8d1p | cats | rescued a kitten ~1wk ago. vet says he has feline leukemia. looking for information, please help. | About a week ago we rescued [this guy] from behind a restaurant. A friend was kind and took him to the vet for his leg since we wouldn't make it back in town in time. The plan was to foster the kitty til we found it a good home. we just got back from the vet and learned he has feline leukemia. The vet said we should consider euthanasia but since he's still so young, happy and bouncy we said no at this time. I assume this means that a standard shelter would just put him down and I'd rather take care of him myself anyway than have him in a cage.
The vet said there are some people who specifically adopt FeLV+ cats. I saw on a website that one girl listed her FeLV+ cat for adoption and a year later found him a home. We will take care of Luma as long as we can and love him even longer. However, we survive on paltry wages, not supposed to have pets at our rental, and my fiance is allergic to them, so we want to list our adorable Luma in the hopes that maybe he too might find a suitable home in time. | Euthanasia is out of the question at this point but we are also concerned about our long term ability to care for the kitty. Any information on where one can list their FeLV+ cat up for adoption? |
t3_2ugmw0 | relationships | How do I 28 save my marriage? My 22y wife wants a divorce. I don't want that life for my 2 year old son. | She tells me she wants freedom, she wants to do whatever she wants and answer to no one. She's done with things being my way. I don't have family to rely on and I haven't been paid in months. I've been suffering through depression and haven't been myself. How can I get to a place where I can be a reliable father and not a divorcée loser like I feel doomed to be.
I am having a hard time with this reddit, I am still very much in love with my wife, but she talks like it's already done.
My wife says I'm a great father and I think so to but I doubt I can be a good dad if I'm getting a divorce. Ever since I found out how she feels I can't eat I can't sleep. I'm in a really bad place right now and I don't have any close friends to deal with this.
I'm worried my life is taking an irreversible turn for the worst. | my wife of 3 years wants to end my marriage because I'm controlling, how can I better myself to survive this and save my marriage |
t3_o0a5c | relationships | How do you get someone out of your head? | Hi, I'm 22, and I have been with my girlfriend for 5 years now.
We recently moved together. We've always loved each other intensely.
Problem, I recently started to have feelings for an other person (a friend). This person has had a boyfriend for now 3 years, and has absolutely no ideas. Those feelings were so strong, it was hard to hide them.
After 2 months of me being distant and really sad, my girlfriend forced me to say what was bothering me. I'm not a good liar, and now she knows.
We decided to give us a week alone, I went to my parents.
Now, I'm completely lost. I keep on thinking about this person, and I hate that. I would like for those feelings to go away, to leave me alone. But I can't.
What do I do? It's been 3 months now, and I'm just desperate. | long relationship; fell in love with an other person; admitted it; would like it to disappear, though it doesn't. |
t3_1nreww | relationships | Something really weird happened at my (38/f) friend's (38/f) last night, I don't know how to handle it | I stayed at a friend from college's house last night as I was visiting her city. She and her husband have been friends of mine for years, we're very close. It was a wonderful evening, we had a great dinner, wine, etc. Their teenage daughter (she's 16) hung out with us as well, she's an awesome young lady and was very much at home making conversation with the adults. All in all I went to bed quite happy.
Things got strange in the middle of the night. It was maybe two in the morning and I got up to use the bathroom. I'd been staying in their guest bedroom, which is on the first floor of the house, but in my grogginess climbed the stairs to use the second floor bathroom. As I'm coming out, I see someone come out of my friend's bedroom. And it's their daughter. And she's naked. I was basically at a loss for words...we said hello really awkwardly and she bolted into the bathroom. I went back to the guest room and didn't sleep for the rest of the night. I left before they got up as I had to catch an early plane.
Now I'm back home and I have no idea what the hell to do. The BEST-CASE scenario that I can think of is that they're nudists and I just don't know about it and their daughter was for some reason sleeping on the floor of their room. But that seems like a huge stretch. It makes me feel awful to type it out, but I can't help but believe that there is something sexual happening between my friend, her husband, and their daughter. I haven't heard anything from my friend, so either her daughter didn't tell her what happened or else my friend is hoping I'll ignore it. I have no idea how to handle this, I would really appreciate some input. | I saw my close friend's 16 year old daughter come out of her parents' bedroom naked in the middle of the night. I don't know what to do. |
t3_2t124a | relationships | I [21/F] feel like I married a child [21/M] | Background: We have been together for four years and married for two. As he is in the military the greater majority of our relationship has been long-distance. For the last year or so it has felt more and more like I married someone looking for a housekeeper and sexual partner rather than a relationship.
I have made the attempt of communication a good handful of times in the past and he doesn't seem willing to put forth effort into fixing our problems. For example, he became frustrated that my sex drive has been so low and I was no longer initiating (I would try for sex 3-6 x/wk, actually succeed 1-3 x/wk on average). So I ask him to sit down and talk to me. During our conversation I had to stop at one point, ask him to stop playing around and trying to tickle me, this was a conversation that we needed to have. Although he did listen our conversation was primarily one sided. His parting comment has stuck with me since "I don't think we can work on this until you are off your meds." (on zoloft for depression/anxiety)
While sex seems to be the problem he has taken note of, I have a nice little list of complaints that seems to be getting longer and longer. Not really cleaning after himself, making jokes and getting irritated when I don't take them as such, him spending anywhere from 3-10+ hours playing video games in a single sitting, rarely admitting something is his fault. It feels like its a never ending list.
My biggest problem is not knowing if this is me expecting too much or him not putting enough forward. I suspect that I have borderline, and am seeking therapy, so its hard to trust my own judgement. The feelings of abandonment and rejection almost could be in my own head. And in all truth, I married a wonderful person. But more and more I am getting the feeling that we aren't going to make eachother happy as someone else could in the future. I want to end things but the idea of throwing away the life we have built due to a chemical imbalance terrifies me more than anything. | Maybe I expect too much of my husband, but I think he wants a maid with happy ending. Could also be mentally-ill brain messing with me. |
t3_20ml81 | relationships | Can I (23/F) say anything to my cousin (24/F) about her baby daddy? | Ok, so to start I am not a good writer.
My cousin has two young children with this real asshole. Ever since she was pregnant with her first kid, I began to drift away because I didn't like him. He is a drunk and really rude. Like, obnoxiously rude. Like, I wouldn't be surprised if he hit her but also would be because I figured she wouldn't deal with that? This is the kind of dude he is...
Last Christmas Eve my aunt (cousin's mom) threw Christmas at her tiny house. She was real excited and did a great job. All day, this dude, who hates my aunt, was drinking beer. Refused to eat anything. He barely comes to family events anyway, even if he's able. So by the end of the night he's drunk as a skunk and gets offended by getting a Christmas gift. Truly ridiculous behavior from him, and it's constant. He ended up driving home drunk after saying a bunch of homophobic shit about my cousin's dad (her parents are divorced, if it matters)... like that's how unhinged he is. Her dad wasn't even there.
He's one of those people that assumes everyone is judging him so he's on the defense, before he even has a single conversation with the dude he thinks you think he's a piece of shit! I am just trying to convey how much of a dick he is. I don't think there's an ounce of goodness in his heart.
My cousin is a sweetheart and my aunt and I agree that she's with him still (she's threatened to leave) because she thinks she can change him. Which we all know is B.S.
So, standard rule... you don't talk to people about their relationships because it's their business, they're an adult, totally respect that and haven't said shit throughout their relationship. But can I atleast say I don't keep in touch as much because I despise him? Or is that just an assy thing to say? My aunt wants to straight up DISCUSS it, but my cousin's such a sweetheart that I don't want to hurt her or make her feel anything other than loved. | Cousin in relationship with socially abusive man. Aunt (her mom) wants to take her out and discuss, Idk if it's my place to say one word on the subject!! What do I freakin ass do? |
t3_2hqfmc | legaladvice | [NV, USA] Mother leaving husband. Can she claim community property on a car? | My mother has been married for a few years to a guy who promised the world to her (who doesn't). He convinced her that with the money he makes ("song writer/musician") that she doesn't need to work any more and can retire. She left her job, packed up her stuff and left.
Now, she has no savings, no job experience for the past 5-6 years, despises the marriage and wants to leave (already made this clear to the husband). The problem is, she would have no money and no car. The husband is extremely paranoid and keeps all the money within his own account and only gives money directly to her in cash, almost in a sort of allowance.
Can she leave and take the 1 of two cars that they acquired while they were married (he would keep the truck they have and the motor home). She just would like to take the car and her personal belongings, that's it. The car she wants to take was the second vehicle. They purchased it using only his name on the lease due to him having a good rep from the first car and better credit, but she is on the insurance. Would this prevent the car being community property?
Also, they are legal residents of South Dakota, CA. They currently reside in a motor home park that they have an interest in a plot in Nevada. Their marriage license is in Arizona. Not sure if any of this makes a difference. | Mom wants to leave husband. Can she take a car that was purchased during the marriage but is only in his name (she's on the insurance though) and claim community property? |
t3_2aepm2 | relationships | My [21 F] girlfriend broke off our over year and a half long-distance relationship (Me [24 M]) | Hello all, just a bit devastated and looking for support/advice. I've never done this before so I don't know what to say so I'll just spew random things. We got along together really well, crazy about each other, but every couple of months she'd try to break up with me out of the blue (She says shes bipolar). But I'd calm her down and that'd be that. It was hurtful every time it happened and it made me become paranoid and unsure of her commitment.
She tried to come visit me but things kept coming up ruining her plans and she got depressed over it and started thinking we were never going to work. After a few months of that she told me today she went on a date with someone else and they kissed, and wants to end it with me. This is devastating, and I'm confused over why she wants to end it before we even got to meet in person. Also, she is a virgin and the thought of anyone else "loving" her first (on top of in general) throws me into a huge blind fit of woe and anger, and I don't know if that is right of me or not.
How do I move on from putting all my time and energy into seeing this girl that I loved so deeply, and leaving me for someone before we even got to meet in person? | Long-distance relationship, said it wasn't going to work due to failed attempts to visit, went on a date with another guy. |
t3_fddkf | AskReddit | How bad is it to accept a job and then back out? | I am a 1L law student, who got a job offer last month. I had a week to decide if I wanted to accept it. It is a paid job and its in the area that I want to practice in. Its good experience. Additionally this job is in Chicago. I accepted it because, at the time, I didn't have any other offers and thought it was unlikely that I would get another one (its VERY hard for 1L's to get jobs this summer, especially ones which pay well).
Problem is: I just heard back from another firm in Cleveland (where I am from, and where I definitely want to live after graduating *side note: save the Cleveland bashing for some other time pls), and was invited to interview. This other firm is also in the area I want to practice in, is larger, and much more established than the Chicago firm (Chicago firm is 3 attorneys, Cleveland firm is 30). If I end up getting an offer from the Cleveland firm, am I being a huge dick to the Chicago guy? I feel like there are an abundance of 1L's who still don't have jobs, so it might not be so hard for him to find a replacement. Advice? | if you were an employer and your summer intern backed out after accepting the job, how pissed would you be? or would you understand? |
t3_dto0j | relationship_advice | Getting back in touch with ex? | I got dumped unexpectedly in June. Didn't see it coming, and he refused to give me a reason. I told him to not speak to me ever again until he's ready to tell me why he didn't want to be in a relationship with me anymore.
So I guess it's been like 4 months, and we've had literally zero interaction. I removed him from Facebook and Twitter after the breakup because it was too upsetting to see what he was up to and how he was getting on just fine. I feel like I never got over him though, because I never had closure. I still kind of idealize him and think about how I could have done things differently to make it work.
I'm tempted to get back in touch with him somehow, just to even see if he'd give me the time of day. Maybe just an email asking if he'd be up to talking. Or even adding him back on Facebook as a passive way of acknowledging his existence. I'm trying to be a mature adult, and hoping he'd be one back to me (we're both 23 going on 24).
I don't know. Is this a good idea? Or am I going to come off as that crazy ex-girlfriend? | Never got closure from breakup 4 months ago, not really over it, should I try to get my ex to talk to me? |
t3_2jgk9z | relationships | I [19 F] feel like my relationship with my boyfriend [28 M] is feeling stale after 3 months | Date nights have become restricted, not only activity wise but availability wise. We have opposite schedules, we both live with our parents, and we live about an hour away from each other. When we get time to spend with one another, it's usually late at night so there aren't a plethora of activities to attend, or we'll be stuck at the house with our parents with not much alone time. I mean, there are always restaurants and movie theaters, but my waist is expanding, my bank account is shrinking, and there's only so many movies you can see.
Also, our time alone together has become oddly quiet lately. We'll go for a walk to escape our parents, and we'll run out of things to talk about or I'll find we'll fall back on the same conversation starters time and time again. Or if we have the house to our self, we'll almost inevitably spend the afternoon being physically intimate. Not that it's bad, (I do enjoy our time of physical intimacy) but it's very predictable.
Don't get me wrong, I love my boyfriend and he's made it very clear that he loves me back; it's just that things have started to seem "ho-hum" lately. I haven't talked to him about his take on the matter yet, but right now he seems perfectly content with the schedule, except for the fact we live so far away and can't see each other as often as we'd both like. | Things aren't as exciting as they used to be. I don't know if this normal in every relationship, or if things are taking a bad turn. |
t3_1wl1o8 | relationships | Me [19 M] with my girlfriend [19 F] of over 1 year, I'm having negative thoughts over the integrity of our relationship | So for a little over two, maybe 3 months I have had troubling dreams and my mind telling me this is not working and I should jump ship.
The problem is, my ship is doing perfectly well and I can see a happy future.
This may be assisted by the fact that a part of me feels I have not explored people, however being quite introverted, this is not likely to change anything, and would probably make me feel like crap.
These thoughts can range from wanting to break up (extreme) to telling me to go to clubs (tame), but I am not a fan of going to clubs, as I personally believe that going to them is an aim to meet people for sexual adventures. I sound quite a bit dickish, but that is my belief on the matter. I am not single, thus I do not want to.
I have already discussed this with my other, and there was not much she could input to the problem.
I am going through one of my "forgetting what to put" phases, so please if you have any other enquiries, do tell. I do not mind what you put, but I won't be putting certain information on, so I may or may not ignore your question or answer it another time. | bad thoughts keep making me think I should break off from my, quite frankly, perfect other. It's kept me up at nights. |
t3_1nqvhw | relationships | Me [28 M] with my recently married wife [26 F] - is having female friends acceptable? Where is the line? | Recently married, what "should" be the status quo for male-female friendships and business partners?
Many of my friends happen to be females. It's always kind of been this way given my university major, career path, and people I do business with. I'm not selective about gender, I'm selective about the quality of people I surround myself with and women are just better communicators.
I'm an attractive male and I know this but have NEVER crossed any boundaries or even grey areas when in a relationship. I'm the person who wants to make everyone smile at least a little bit and will, for example, ask the server (male or female) what the best part their day has been. It used to be perceived as flirting, but she eventually realized that it's a pretty indiscriminate "make people smile" perspective I have and that it's not flirting.
Wife knows this but her insecurities get the best of her at times. Recently more so... she's now put it forth that she doesn't want me going to lunch or having a 'catch-up' with long-time friends and business associates who are female without her. Leaving the office to go grab a coffee real quick? Not with a female.
I don't have a problem with some of this but know that she won't be involved with conversation and has little to say on the topics some of my friends connect on (such as previous business dealings and other mutual friends). I feel like she'd just be sitting there for the sole purpose of being there.
Am I being crazy about this? | I'm a naturally social person and happen to work in an environment of mostly females (higher ed and networking business culture). Where is the line drawn? |
t3_1iegol | relationship_advice | [24/f] Been dating and live with my boyfriend (27/m) of 3.5 years, but never have been sexually attracted to him. Do I stay or go? | I've been together with my boyfriend for 3.5 years, been living with him for about a year. I do love him and we work great as a couple. We get along famously, want the same things out of life (kids, marriage, etc), rarely fight, and surprisingly haven't gotten sick of each other yet. The only problem is that I do not find him sexually attractive, and anytime we have sex it feels like a chore for me and I get bored during. We've talked about spicing up our sex life and we've both discussed fantasies, turn ons etc, but all to no avail. Lately this has been leaving me angry and distant towards him, and him just being in the same room as me makes me want to strangle him (not literally, of course). We've even broken up for a couple months because of my feelings in this matter and gotten back together after discussing our sex life, and it was great for a few months, but now it's back to where it was when I left him before. Reddit, is it horribly wrong that I want to leave my boyfriend because it feels like a chore having sex with him or is sex in a relationship irrelevant when I could see myself spending the rest of my life with him? Fun fact: Typing this out made me feel like a total bitch. | In love with long term boyfriend and see myself marrying him but never been sexually attracted to him and don't see a time where I would. Help? |
t3_3yvwno | relationships | Me [21 M] and my GF [19 F] are about to have sex for the first time. (She has done it before, I have not) Any tips, expectations or comments on what to do to make it good? | Hello, me and my GF are bout to be intimate for the first time. She has already has sex in the past, but it is the first time for me. I am a little nervous, but I want to make it a good experience for her.
We have made out and touched a lot before and every time, she begins to breath deeply and we have almost been to the verge of having sex, but we want to make it more romantic/ choose a more appropriate time and spot.
We already have our spot sorted out, but I am a little nervous of my lack of experience. I don't know if I will satisfy her as much as her previous bf(s) (I don't know with how many of her bfs she did it with in the past)
So I will be very grateful if any of you give me some pointers or things to look to on our first time having sex. Thank you! | I'm an unexperienced sex noob trying to make his experienced gf have a good time and need some counseling from experienced fellows. |
t3_525iod | relationships | I [27 F] can't approach my bf [29 M] with small problems | I'm struggling to understand how to approach smaller problems in my relationship of a few months.
Basically the past week I haven't spoken much with my SO. We've both been busy, I mentioned it and he agreed, said I missed talking, he agreed. Last night after I got off work we were actually texting back and forth for the first time in days. I was very happy to just be talking to him. He was going out to party and I knew it so he wouldn't be around for long. He ended up just disappearing and not responding. So I sent a text a little while later, still no response. I figured whatever he'd say goodnight to me when he went to bed. He never did.
I was fairly upset about it but it seemed kind of trivial and I've been feeling really lonely lately. I didn't want my rough week to make this into a huge issue, but him disappearing and not responding to an active conversation and not even giving me a good night later is something that makes me uncomfortable. I figured great, I'll try to say it casually not make it a thing and just let him know I didn't like it.
I sent a text and said "Hey, I thought it was uncool of you to disappear and then not say good night to me." I guess that was all wrong, and I have no idea what it was I should have said to bring up the issue because I honestly thought it was an okay text. He got very angry. Said he was at a party and he didn't have anything to respond with. I said it was more that I wish I had gotten a good night, it would have made my night. He said that was ridiculous and I don't have to keep tabs on him at parties, and he doesn't have to tell me anything. I said I didn't get why he's hung up on the party thing it's not about that, I literally just wanted a good night. Anyways, so any advice on how to not turn little things into huge arguments (we almost broke up)? | I told my bf I didn't like him not saying good night and he got angry. I'm not sure how to explain in the future when I'm uncomfortable about smaller things. |
t3_2g5tl0 | relationships | I [19F] knew the DTR talk was going to have to happen with the guy [20M] I've been going out with for 3 months, but I just got a red flag... | Last night I (19F) was talking to the guy I've been seeing (20M) via phone call. It was late and he was running on two hours of sleep, but he insisted we stay on the phone even though he was yawning and in bed. He told me I'm a "really great friend" and that "we seem to get along really well" and repeatedly that he wishes I were there with him. I was kind of blindsided so I thanked him for the compliment. But now I've thought about it and I don't think this talk can wait any longer. Ugh.
History: We've been going out for about two or three months now. We met on Tinder (I know) and hit it off. We have a lot in common, make each other laugh and feel comfortable enough to open up to one another--we've told each other things that we hadn't told others before. He's cried in front of me. I also took his virginity. We have sex whenever we can, but we're about three hours away from one another because we go to different universities. I've already made the drive to visit him once (even brought a gift out of the goodness of my heart), and was planning on going back down in about a month.
But now I'm going to have to initiate a conversation because it seems to me that I have feelings for someone who views me as only a friend. Story of my life. It obviously has to happen over the phone since we don't live in the same area.
It's just weird because he's been so candid with me about his career aspirations and his problems and even sexual topics like finding out what birth control method will work best for us. We've talked about the distant future but not as a couple. It just sucks to be kind of friend zoned all of a sudden.
Is there hope for us yet? Was he maybe just not thinking about what exactly his words could connote? Am I overthinking this? I'm hoping for the best but preparing for the worst. Any advice would be appreciated! Thank you! | Guy I've been dating says I'm "a great friend" but we act like much more than that and have connected sexually and emotionally. Is there anything I can hope for? |
t3_133t9o | relationships | My boyfriend[M26] completely refuses to compromise with me[F25] in any kind of argument or make me a priority in his life. | We've been together 4 years and we're now living together. We argue, not too much, however since we've been living with each other I've been expectantly unhappy. I work full time and when I'm not at work I'm exhaustingly trying working on my freelance (which is what I went to school for). He's still an undergrad, basically has no money, his parents pay his portion of the rent. His program is tough, I get that, I was a student too... all the stress and sleepless night I had as a student are probably just exacerbated now. I essentially work two jobs, try to maintain the apartment, and devote my finances to both of us.
When I ask him to help me with anything I'm told he has "priorities." School is his priority. When I ask him for a mere 10 minutes a day to help me with anything around the apartment I get, "I can't do that. I have priorities." Thus, I am reassured I am not one of those priorities and this just breaks down into a fight (where we could have just washed the damn dishes in that time!).
What frustrates me the most is that his way of resolving a fight is to literally ignore me and the situation until he feels fine. However, nothing has actually been resolved, I'm left apologizing (for what I can never figure out) and still inexplicably hurt and frustrated. He has apologized once over the course of the relationship. He feels that he should never apologize unless he has actually done something wrong... but that's a little bias when he's judge and jury.
Ultimately I feel like I've gotten myself here, I've never been able to figure out how to make him understand that he needs to show me some compromise or how much seemingly insignificant things can make such a difference. I feel like crap, my confidence is shot. I've been with guys that loved to show me how special I was to them. Now I feel like a total fool and masochist. Is it really going to take me walking out the door and never coming back to get his stubborn brain to see? How can I get my point across without sounding like a total raving lunatic? | ! Boyfriend of four years is essentially selfish with his needs and priorities. Doesn't seem to want to meet me half way even though I have goals I'm trying to reach while helping to support him. |
t3_v5cfv | AskReddit | Have you ever been scammed before or come close to being scammed? | So today I received a letter from a company called Vector Markteting offering me pretty nice pay ($17/hr) and free training. At first I thought, this sounds to good to be true. I recently turned down a job offer because I didn't feel myself to be qualified, but here was something out of the blue. I searched it on google, and one of the top results was a forum post warning people against it. It turns out that Vector Marketing is one of those home salesman jobs where you sell items (in this case Cutco knives) to people, and you have to buy the knives yourself. So I'm glad I didn't get suckered into some sort of scheme like that. | Got a job offer in the mail, turns out it's some sort of home selling scheme that you have to buy the materials. What are your stories of getting scammed or getting away? |
t3_285zge | relationships | i [22F] hooked up with random guy [24 M] last night, but still living with the ex. | its been six months since my ex and i broke up. We're still really good friends. actually we're still living together. but we both know that it would never work out between us, because we want different things. so we broke up, but ended on good terms. we're going to move our separate ways in 2 weeks though.
but yesterday, there is this guy I met from work, who i barely know, we ended up hooking up last night. he turned out to be a complete dick - on so many levels. biggest regret ever. and he kept asking for a blow job and shit..
(I dont give blow jobs, but I'm okay with intercourse - is that weird?)
i still feel kind of crummy, even though I am no longer with my ex officially. I feel like it is still kind of cheating since we are still living together at the moment.
i feel like i deserve one of them scumbag stacy memes. | ex and I have been broken up for up to 6 months now. stilll living together. I hooked up with someone else last night. I feel crummy now. |
t3_tdzpa | AskReddit | What's the most outrageous conclusion you have jumped to about a stranger? | Yesterday I was driving home from work. All the cars in front of me hit the brakes to go past a parked cop, so I slowed down too. As we were snailing past the cop I looked over at the gas station on my right. There was an obese old lady sitting in one of those chairs that people use when they don't need a wheelchair, just a motorized chair.. you know. I forget what they're called. Anyway, she was sitting in this chair. The thing that first caught my eye was that she clearly had a recently amputated foot. The second thing that caught my eye was that she was eating a chocolate cake. I mean this lady was sitting in a rolly chair with an amputated foot outside a gas station eating an ENTIRE chocolate cake.
This is the part where I made ridiculous assumptions. I thought "You know what? She deserves that." Because my reasoning was that she likely has diabetes, hence foot amputation and obesity, and she deserves the foot amputation because she obviously doesn't bother taking care of herself, hence chocolate gas station cake.
I realize that is horrible to think, and crazy to just assume those things when I couldn't possibly know anything about her. But my brain thinks its own thoughts. So what crazy assumptions have you made about others? | I saw a fat foot-amputee eating an entire chocolate cake and assumed she had diabetes and deserved the loss of her foot because she did it to herself. |
t3_3o0zow | tifu | TIFU by shaving like a teletubby | So, back a few years ago in high school, I was still discovering the miracles of shaving. It had been a little over a year since I had started shaving at the time I had this fuck up, but I was still suitably curious about how razors worked.
So, one night, after a long day of being a dumbass teenager, I decided to go upstairs and shave. At this point in the day my mind was addled by hours and hours of school, homework, and other various things. After shaving my face, I rinsed off the razor and set it down, before a though occured to me. I had an awful lot of chest hair for my age. It wasn't absurd, but I still had a noticeable fuzz. So, in my inquisitive state, I thought: "What would happen if I shaved the longer hairs on my chest?"
I took the razor to my chest, and pulled a tuft of fur off of body. Fascinated, I moved to do it again, and realized that it didn't really hurt to do it. It was kind of cathartic. But after a while my sleepless brain decided that my bald patch on my chest was assymetrical, and that wouldn't do. So I boxxed off the edges, cleaned the razor off, and went to sleep.
The next morning, I woke up with a hand on my chest. I realized that that it was unnaturally smooth and *not fuzzy*, and I dashed to the mirror. At the mirror the entirety of last night came rushing back to me, and I glanced down at my chest. Sure enough, there was a perfectly rectangular empty space where there used to be hair.
Teletubbies resided in a small, long forgotted portion of my brain, a vestige of a time when the acid-trip of childhood made sense, yet I still instantly recognized the fact that it looked like I was a fucking children's show character. (minus the technicolor) | Half-asleep, I decided to shave my chest in a square. Embarassed myself the next time I had to change in a gym class. |
t3_33mcvr | relationships | My [22 M] ex-girlfriend [21 F] who I'm pretty good friends with is visiting me in a couple of weeks for a weekend on the town and getting fucked up. I'd like to hook up with her. | Ex-girlfriend is leaving this summer for study abroad and wants to come visit me to relax after the semester before she leaves.
We've hung out at my place since we broke up and she has mentioned before that she wanted to cuddle. We're both pretty open sexually but I don't to make things weird between us since we are friends.
Lately she has been mentioning positive things that occurred during our relationship, asking me for pictures (e.g. ' I just got a haircut.' 'Let me see; oh you look nice/handsome/etc.), and generally being more 'nice' (saying love you when we stopped texting [saying love you in and of itself isn't all that unusual], being excited about seeing me and getting drunk)
Should I go for this? I'd like to be fairly confident that she'd want to as to not make the rest of the visit and our friendship awkward. | Ex-girlfriend is visiting me. I'd like to hook up but I'm unsure if she'd be into it. Should I ask her? |
t3_4pud8p | relationship_advice | My roommate [28,m] won't let me have overnight guests [22,f] | A bit of context. I've been living with my roommate for 10 months now and quite frankly, I've tried but it is horrible. Right now I am the only one cleaning shared spaces. My roommate's contribution is that he takes care of the cat litter and occasionally takes out the garbage. I vacuum, do the dishes, and clean the bathroom 100% of the time. It's not a fair distribution but I've given up on it.
My roommate did not tell me before we moved in that he was against overnight guests. I stood my ground because I think it is an unfair expectation for two adults sharing a 2 bedroom living space. I have had guests over three times since I have moved. I told him every single time I told him by at least the morning before. He responded by being passive aggressive and **accused one of my guests of peeing on the floor** and left to stay at a hotel. He has a friend overnight once or twice a month. I don't mind his friends staying over, I just wish he didn't make it so difficult for me to have people over.
I now have a boyfriend and I want to have him stay over maybe once a week. I have a dog I am responsible for so it's hard to stay at my boyfriends place. Legally, it's allowed in my lease to have guests over 25% of the time. I don't want to disturb the fragile peace and make life more inconvenient for me. Any tips for dealing with the roommate? | My (lazy, crazy) roommate makes it difficult for me to have overnight guests. Any tips for dealing with the situation? |
t3_3w33ng | relationships | Me [19 F] with my ex [26 M] "dating" again? | We broke up almost 2 months ago (he left me). We were together for 7 months and lived together for almost 4 months with my son (he's a baby). For the first 2-3 weeks of the break up we were still talking but it was just constant arguing because I was so hurt. I kind of accepted the fact that he was gone and wasn't coming back at this stage so I decided to delete him off all social media and didn't speak to him at all.
He contacted me once or twice asking me how my son was doing but that was it. Then last week, I text him saying I really missed him and he said he missed me too. He came to visit me yesterday and it was the first time I had seen him since we broke up.
I knew it wasn't going to be how it was when we were together but it wasn't what I was expecting. He stayed a good while and played with my son and when he went to bed we talked for about 2 hours on our own but it was just generic conversation you'd have with anyone. A couple of times we talked about or relationship and things we did together, but not much.
We are both very introverted people and when we first started dating before we were officially together we were both pretty shy and quiet around each other and that's how it felt between us yesterday. I know I was being cautious of not wanting to make things uncomfortable between us so maybe that was why.
I still really love him and would do anything to get back with him but I'm unsure if this "awkwardness" between us is normal after a break up? Especially since we lived together for 4 months, we know so much about each other to be awkward with each other.
NOTE; I'm not going to rush back into this relationship especially since my son is involved so don't say that, because I know. My son will always come first. | Is the awkwardness normal between me and my ex after seeing each other for the first time in 2 months and could it be resolved just by hanging out a bit more or does this show our relationship is over? |
t3_3muopx | offmychest | A small fight makes me rethink my life | I just had a small fight with my best friend via Whatsapp. She took something more seriously than I intended and lashed out at me. Now we apparently don't talk anymore, since I think she overreacted and was quite intolerant, and if I make the first step, I will look like the one who was in the wrong.
Since I started my job in a new city away from my family and friends, I have only made some friends among my colleagues, and she is my closest friend. We text and talk every day, and since we are both living alone, we talk about our daily lives and how we feel etc... I thought we could tell each other everything.
This small fight shows me how easily things can fall apart, how easily you can lose a friend.
I don't really think that I have lost her forever, but what if?
Many of my colleagues are starting or already having families with kids, so they are occupied with being moms.
I have already "lost" another dear colleague to motherhood, since she doesn't have time anymore to meet or even to talk on the phone.
My best friend (if she is still my best friend) might decide that living alone isn't the right thing for her and finally move in with her long-distance boyfriend and work in another town.
Then I would be left alone, an outsider, the "single", the "cat lady", with no one to really talk to apart from small talk.
I am quite close with my family, who live in another town. Visiting them, spending quality time with them, and listening to them talking about the numerous times they are able to meet, makes me wish to quit my job here and move to their town.
But this would mean to start all over again, find a job, get to know new colleagues, establish my position and to have the difficult task of making new friends. I'm 40, and to quote Murtaugh, I'm too old for this shit.
I am currently thinking about buying a house in this town, but that would mean settling down here for good.
I don't know what to do. I am probably overreacting, but I feel so alone right now. | A small fight with my best friend made me worry about the future, about how easily you can lose friends, and how valuable family is. |
t3_1lumym | dating_advice | Need opinion on approaching a girl in my class.. | There's a girl in my class, we'll call her Mandy, who I've been eyeing up for the past couple of weeks. I've noticed her looking at me also, but I don't think she was looking at me the way I was looking at her. I've approached her discreetly. By discreetly I mean last week I offered to listen to her vent (last week a student at our high school passed away) or just let her cry and asked if she was okay, and she smiled and said no, I'm okay, but thank you, really, thank you. Then this week I've handed her a book so she didn't have to carry it/get up, I've done the same with papers.
I have an idea, that I might do today that i need your opinion on. Mandy is incredibly attractive. She's gorgeous. She has amazing eyes, a heart warming smile, the whole package. I came up with this idea to approach her today and say something along the lines of "Hey, I know you probably hear this all day long, but you're really, really pretty." Is this coming off too strong? Is there a better way to put it? | There is a girl in my class whom I really want to approach, is saying "Hey, I know you probably hear this all day long, but you're really, really pretty." coming off to strong, or what? |
t3_50k0n7 | personalfinance | Desperately need help :(, What company would straight Medicaid from Illinois be considered? | Hi I'm not sure if this is the right subreddit for my question but I thought I'd try luck
I recently started graduate school and my school requires everyone to fill out a waiver form if you wish to opt out of the insurance they provide and use your own. I have Medicaid, and I live in Illinois. I don't really know anything about insurance and the more I try to google/call/ask people the more confused I get. The medicaid hotline closes at 5, and I work from 7-5 everyday and I keep missing the deadline and if I don't fill out the waiver form in a couple days they are going to automatically enroll me in the school insurance which is a couple grand :(. I even asked the university financial department and they didn't know. So I'm turning to you reddit please please bestow your knowledge upon my ignorant and uneducated self :) I have straight Medicaid, I will be in Bluecross bluesheild starting october first but right now it's 'traditional medicaid' i think is what they call it. thanks so much in advance
Insurance Company:
Insurance Company Plan Name:
Policy or Group Number: Policy Holder Name: Policy Holder ID Number:
Policy Owner:
Insurance Company Address:
City:
State:
Zip:
Insurance Company Phone Number: Primary Care Provider: | Need help answering these^ questions for IL medicaid or I will have to pay 2 grand for insurance, no one seems to know the answers |
t3_2edgcy | relationships | I [24M] am falling for a friend [23F] but it's complicated and I need impartial advice. | Hey, so like the title says I'm falling for this wonderful girl I met 3 months ago. But there are issues that are preventing a relationship and I'd like advice as to whether I should stick around or just move on.
Some background info:
She had cancer before I met her and beat it and soon after I met her she found out she might have it again so she told me that until she's sure she doesn't want to date anyone, and even if she doesn't have it she doesn't think she could date someone. She's been emotionally and physically abused most of her life and when we were talking last night (I've made it clear to her that I want a relationship but an willing to wait for the time being) she told me that she thinks if we dated she would hurt me by being too broken to return my feelings, i.e. "I don't know how to love anymore"
In the short time we've known each other I have come to realize I care for her both in a platonic and romantic way and want to push the relationship to the next level when she's ready, but I'm worried after our conversation last night that if I be super patient like she asked me to she'll just end up seeing me as only a friend and nothing more. I don't want that. I think she'd be a great friend and I know to myself that I will always be there for her if she needs me but I don't want to be a doormat guy, a Ross. I don't know if I should just give up on any chance between us or stick it out.
So r/relationships please hit me with your best most brutal advice on this. I can give a bit more info in the comments if you'd like so feel free to ask | I like a girl, she might like me back but she says she's damaged goods and I need help on where to go from there |
t3_1mlb1e | offmychest | Spoiled little brat. | Please tell me more how you "need" an A to pass the class. Also, I heard your little shitty remarks.
Maybe if you weren't such an annoying snob throughout the school year, I might have thought about helping you.
We've sat next to each other and you don't bother to learn peoples names? Especially since I have all my of my classes with you? Ugh.
I understand you asked me for help, since I'm the one with a 4.00 in the class, but I am my own person. You can't force me to do anything. I am who I am through hard work and perseverance. People these days are inconsiderate.
I decided to help someone else with their chemistry homework for various reasons. I've studied with her for 3 years, she's my bestfriends ex, and overall an OK person. She's also in a similar situation. Don't say something when you don't even know what class you're in.
I don't care about you. I heard you say "I wont get a car if i dont get an A in this class but this little bitch won't help me, now my parents won't buy me my car! Ugh! " well, ever thought about other people besides yourself? You can't even reach the pedals, nor can you see above the wheel. I'm studying my ass off to help myself in this world, I go to sleep starving somedays since I make sure my little brother has his fill everyday.
So before you even THINK about bitching about not getting a car, think about the person who walks to school and doesn't have the chance to eat breakfast. Selfish little hoe. If you're in school, care about your grades during the entire semester. Not during the final week.
I can't buy games, clothes, or food for myself. I dream of sitting back and playing video games and seeing my little brother happy.Heck if I get a car I'll know I'm dreaming. You are a thorn in my side. | bitch needs help, I decline. Help another friend in need. Makes a remark of how her parents won't buy her a car now due to "my bitch butt". |
t3_4rxkhb | relationships | My [67 F] grandma won't stop talking about the state of my [19 F] armpits in front of other family members | I have hair on armpits sometimes. I'm not embarassed about it and it is not a big deal in any way at all. My grandma, seems to want to make it the biggest deal, especially when other people are around. It would be helpful to know that I am temporarily living with my grandparents right now. Also, she has done the talking about my armpits infront of others thing about 3 times before. Every time I have asked her to stop.
Last night, I stretched my arms and she saw my armpit hair. She commented that I needed to shave, and I said "No, I don't want to." She scoffed and I changed the subject. I guess she still was upset about that though, because today she decided to bring it up infront of my aunt [35 F]. The situation went like this:
*I walk in the kitchen to look for food, Aunt compliments my makeup and I thank her and start to talk about makeup*
"[my name] doesn't shave her armpits, haha."
I was mad at this point. "Yeah, let's talk about my armpits. There's hair on them. So what? Who cares? Why are you so fixated on my body? It's weird." My grandma said "Well it's a hygiene issue!" And then I said "No, it isn't. Girls can use soap. What you're doing is incredibly rude. Just stop." And I walked away.. I heard her starting to talk shit about me as I walked.
Telling her to stop doesn't work. I'm sure a lot of people will say "It's just your grandma" but it feels like my grandma is my bully. She loves to gossip and my little sister has told me tons of hurtful and insulting things she has said about me behind my back. I know that she is just a gossipy person, but how do I stop her from trying to publically humilate me? | My grandma keeps pointing out my armpit hair infront of family members. I ask her to stop every time but she doesn't listen. How can I stop this? |
t3_21fgzb | relationships | Me [23M] and my girlfriend [24F] are in an amazing, loving relationship. But I have old trust issues. | We've been going out for a while now, and we're both head over heels for the other. We've talked about everything from favourite colours to religion and abortion. It feels like there's almost nothing we can't talk about. But my last few relationships were very, very bad.
The thing is though, I knew those relationships were bad while I was in them, I had no illusions about that, I knew the women I was with were liars and cheaters, and yet I decided I was going to constantly try to forgive them, and help them change.
The funny part is, I did help them change in the end. It always ended within a year of the beginning of the relationship, I would take all the pain and problems of the relationship on to myself to try and fix them, and eventually the women I was helping would leave me. But hearing rumours and stories from others, they continued on to lead good lives, and didn't go back to their old ways.
The thing is though, I have this constant nagging feeling that something is about to go wrong with my current relationship. I know where it stems from, and I know EXACTLY why it's happening. It's simply that I've been in so many relationships I've come to expect it. I know my girlfriend loves me, I know she doesn't lie to me, and I know she'd tell me if ever she had any doubt or problems. I know this because problems have come up before, and we've always worked through them, together, as a team.
My question then, is this. Are there any exercises or practices or advice to give to get me through this phase, until my subconscious settles in to the fact that I don't need to be suspicious of her? | Have had a tonne of really bad relationships. Finally in a stable healthy relationship but old habits die hard. Advice for calming my mind any time I have an irrational doubt/thought. |
t3_17xqsy | relationships | Bf (22) changed when (22m) tried to hit on me (20f) | We've been seeing each other for about five months but were not officially together. For the first couple of months we were pretty closed, he did have some issues with his ex though (His ex tried to use his friend to get back with him). I didnt feel threatened or whatever for couple of reasons, were not officially together, I wasnt that attached to him that time.
Around November last year, he started going out again with his friends which I am perfectly fine with but it got to the point where he'll go out in the afternoon until midnight and wouldnt even reply to any of my text at all until like the next morning and do the same thing again. He said he doesnt look at his phone, or the battery is dead. But as I was getting to know him, he's always on his phone, like ALWAYS so I didnt believe him. Tried to end what he have but he refused to do so.
I got kind of tired on trying to get his attention so I did what I think was right.. Not text him until he texts me first. I guess he noticed that I've changed, apologized and tried texting me all the time.
I'm pretty honest to him about everything, even when I have a crush on someone. This semester, I told him I have a crush on this guy from my class (my friend's friend, met him around november but didnt talk to him.) And I did mention to my "boyfriend" the guy asked for my number and the guy's reaction when he found out I have a 'boyfriend...' Since then, my boyfriend started being sweet and nice and kind of clingy. He also said he doesnt want to lose me and he thinks the other guy is trying to hit on me. | Is he acting like this because he knows I can leave him? Why was he ignoring me? Taking advantage that Im into him? Opinions please, I'm really confused. |
t3_1a0yfi | running | Injured my foot with two weeks to go until a military fitness test - need advice! | I started feeling pain across the top of my foot near the middle about two weeks ago while playing football. It hurts when it bends so unless I keep my foot flat when I walk it gets pretty painful. The odd thing, though, is that the pain comes and goes - there'll be ten minutes when I can walk normally, then another twenty of pain.
I was worried at first it might be a stress fracture, especially since I've been doing a lot more exercise recently, but there's no swelling around it and the hospital didn't mention that I might have one. They aren't sure what it is but they've told me I need to rest it for five days at least then if it still hurts see a physio.
The problem is I only have two weeks before this fitness test and while I don't have to run a blinding time for a 1.5 mile to pass it (11.11 minutes is the max time allowed), I want to make sure my foot recovers quickly and that I can still run at least a minute under that time. I have previously been able to get around 9:40 consistently which is nothing special but a time I would be pleased with. How can I make my foot recover as quickly as possible and what sort of training can I do without aggravating it? | Been experiencing pain in foot, doctors advise five day rest with 2 weeks till fitness test. How do I recover quickly and train cardio and running without aggravating it? |
t3_3wdc6q | dating_advice | Been on 3 dates with this girl I like. Dates have been really fun but the texting in between is non-existant. Would love some advice. | Hi all,
About 6 weeks ago I (25m) met one of my older sisters very attractive friends (28f) at a Party and decided to try my luck and got her number. Since then we've met up for 3 dates which have all gone really well.
Date 1 we went out for drinks and ended up staying out together for 6 hours.
Date 2 we went for brunch.
Date 3 (last night) we went out for dinner.
I know that she has a good time when we are together. She has told me countless times when we are out that she's had a really fun evening and gives me all the signals that she likes me. We kissed at the end of date 3 for the first time and had held hands the whole walk home. All good right? Well...
It is all good until the days after when I try to keep some conversation going via whatsapp and its all just a bit...flat. She'll always respond (sometimes the next day) but often without much effort to keep a conversation going. It's always me asking to see her again, to which she has always said yes to but it just doesn't feel to me like she's that interested. Then I meet her again for a date and it's amazing and she's so chatty and interested in me, giving me all the signals that she likes me and wants the dates to keep going.
How do I continue with this? I really like her and I honestly think that when she's with me she really likes me too, but then I've resorted to not really texting her between dates, I only really message her to set up the next date. I don't want to come across as a desperate guy trying to keep conversation going over text. She also mentioned to my sister a couple of weeks ago (before date 3) that I've been the most fun guy that she's dated in a long while, but she's worried I might be a bit young for her. | Been on 3 amazing dates with a girl, I'm very confident she likes me when she's with me. Between dates, via text, she doesn't seem that keen at all. |
t3_4tv0k4 | relationships | Me [22 M] with my girlfriend [21 F] 3.5 years. She's lost the spark and we need help. | In the past we've lost the spark but it had come back on its own over time.
Now she has lost the spark for us and I want our relationship to last while she is unsure.
I'm a touchy person and require physical and emotional affection. She has lost the desire to show those kinds of affection towards me, and also doesn't feel the spark in our relationship anymore.
We're absolute best friends and always wants us to be but I want her so badly as a romantic and affectionate partner as well.
We're completely willing to try and fix things. We're going to counselling next week. We've considered a break.
I just don't know what she or I can do to rekindle our relationship.
Any advice on how we can do so would be greatly appreciated. | Gf has lost spark for our relationship, I want us to always be together romantically. She's lost affection for me while my affection remains. We're both willing to work to make things last. |
t3_4c80ke | relationships | Me [21 M] with my GF [23 F] 8 months, she blocked a guy I don't like, he contacted her | My GF talked to "an old guy friend" who she has some sort of sexual un-disclosed history with before me, over Christmas by text. They were catching up about high school apparently, as they are "just friends." I was out of town for the holidays. He asks her on dates and she declines. I am not accusing her of cheating on me.
I brought my discomfort up about him and another situation in Feb. Without telling me, she blocked him after our arguement. We broke up 2 weeks ago, she deleted the photos of me on Instagram, and we were back together a week later.
We were looking at movie times on her phone and I was looking over her shoulder at her phone. She got a "message request" from him on Instagram. I openly said "OKAY." because I know it's sketchy and then about 2 minutes later she's like "okay just say whatever you're going to say."
I told her to open the message. It read "I'm assuming you got back together with him and he made you block my number." So they obviously haven't talked in a while, since she did block him and he just found out now. I'm assuming since Christmas.
She told me "I haven't done anything wrong. I can't control what other guys do." I get that, and I get she's a good looking girl and guys are all over her, but for some reasons, I feel she led him on. What do you think of this message that he sent? He shouldn't even know he's a topic in our relationship fights, so I don't know why he'd assume me. Also, how did he figure out we weren't dating? I guess since she deleted all ~10 photos of me on Facebook/Instagram? What can I take away from this? | GF got a message from a guy saying "I'm assuming you got back together with him and he made you block my number." and not really sure what to think of it. |
t3_3gn75e | relationships | Me [29 M] with my G/F [30 F] of 3 years, breakup advice | /r/Relationships, I need some advice on how to do one of the hardest things I've ever had to.
I have been in a long distance relationship for roughly 3 years with a great woman. She is wonderful, but, after this time apart (we were never together) I struggle to see her as a girlfriend and more as a good friend. There are other issues too, but, in large part, for me, they stem from that.
Now, I'm not asking advice, per se, on what to do. I will be breaking up with her this weekend, as we'll be seeing each other. However, and here's the question, we're seeing each other because we'll be attending a wedding that she is in. My first thought is to wait until Monday (the day I depart) to have this conversation, but is that the best way to handle it? Should I even go? I mean, I don't want her to be a mess on Saturday during the wedding, she needs to focus on the bride. But, I worry that if I try and hold onto this for three or four days she's going to know that something is wrong and then what? | Breaking up with LDR girlfriend this weekend, going to a wedding together on Saturday, when/how should I approach this? |
t3_2kn6uw | tifu | TIFU by uploading a nude as my facebook profile picture | I've recently dyed my hair and decided to upload a new picture to my facebook page, mainly composed of older family members and a few friends from high school. As you can probably tell by my profile I post in gonewild pretty often so mixed in with my normal pics are an alarming number of dirty ones. As I was scrolling through I accidentally clicked on the wrong picture, a picture of me groping myself in a see through wet t-shirt. Immediately my profile picture changed from a sweet pic of me holding a small child to me playing with my nipples. Of course, I scramble to delete it only to have my computer freeze for a moment and by the time I remove it, it has already been two minutes. Phew, I thought, until about five minutes later I scrolled through my pics to re-post my old profile picture and realized the pic was STILL THERE. ON PUBLIC. I have family that follow my posts and therefore get notifications when I change my pics. It got one like within ten seconds of being up. My life is over. Tell my mother I loved her. | Went to change profile picture, uploaded a raunchy nude, it was seen by a number of close friends and family members including my grandparents who get notified every time I post. |
t3_3hqibr | tifu | TIFU by posting a comment about North Korea's Red Star Linux | It was a few days after I joined Reddit. I found a thread where people were commenting about the 'sneaky serial content tracker' of North Korea's Red Star Linux. The Linux supposedly has a hidden program that imprints the computers identity to every file created on the computer, so that the Government officials can track it down. People were talking about how to bypass it. So I thought I would contribute in the thread too. So I suggested, what I thought was the obvious answer to the problem: using an international open source Linux distro. I don't know why but apparently they didn't like it, and started to downvote in mass. | Suggested an International Linux Distro to avoid alleged 'content tracking' of Red Star Linux, got mass downvoted. |
t3_4e12fi | relationships | Me [17F] is wondering if it is worth trying to set my ex [17M] up with another girl? | So look I am not proud of what I did, I am young, It was stupid and I know I really hurt this guy.
There is this guy called June at my school, he is really sweet, really nice and honestly is very selfless. I actually saw him pay for a year 8 lunch when he lost his money. Did not even know the kid's name until 5 minutes before. Like it does not matter who you are or what grade you are in you could talk to June if you need help.
Everyone like's June everyone, I have yet to come across one person (except my my current BF) that has anything bad to say about him.
We are in year 11 (this year), I thought I liked this guy. I had just broken up with my ex and I was looking for a new guy and I found June. He did not approach me first, I came up to him.
We spoke and I asked him out, this was back last year Febuary. We went to taco bell which was not far from our school and we started dating.
So we dated for about a year.
This year I cheated on June with my EX, and I basically dumped June for my ex. This was about towards the end of march. I tried to break it to him and gently as possible
He seems really upset when ever he see's me, he won't talk to me any more, he wont even respond when I say good morning. He just seem's like he is not as happy as he use to be.
People at school pretty much hate me and my ex (now boyfriend) now. They are completely on June side except for my friends.
I have a free period when june has a free, I was wondering if it is worth a shot trying to tallk to my ex or set him up with another girl? | got back together with my ex and cheated on a really nice guy June. Is it worth trying to talk to him and or set him up with another girl? |
t3_4u3848 | relationships | My [17M] friend [17M] stopped all types of interaction between us for over a month for no reason at all, now we're kind of friends again but I can't forgive him. | I'm a 17-year-old guy with many insecurities regarding not fitting with anyone, and I had this really close friend that I would share literally everything with. We were very close and would have conversations that lasted most of the day, stay together most of the time, etc...
Then one day we were with some friends in a room (we're in a boarding school), just chatting and joking, and suddenly he flips out after I jokingly throw a pillow at him, almost breaking my arm and ribs in the process, leaves the room, and according to another friend spent that day crying.
For the next month, he refused to talk to me about it when I asked him to, and refused any interaction in general, so we'd be in the same room acting like we don't exist. And all this time I was left pissed of and wondering why would he do something like that, and was unable to forgive him especially since he knows all about my insecurities and my anxiety.
After a month of this awkwardness, he comes one day and just sits there, so after a while, I start to ask him why he's there and he wants to apologize, I ask him why he did it and he says "I don't know... There was no reason" and later when I try to ask why he refused to talk the next day he said "I was going to tell you that you were a horrible person, but I knew that wasn't true so I didn't talk", leaving me confused again.
This all happened about 3 months ago, now we have semi-daily chats on social media (we live in different cities) and I find myself wanting to end all these conversations, but don't know if it's right or wrong. I still have no idea how I feel about him, or about this friendship. | My friend flips out and ends all social interaction between us for a month for no reason -according to him-, and now we're friends again but I don't know how to feel about this whole thing. |
t3_1dlq4r | AskReddit | Have you ever had an out of body experience? | I have had one and only one.
I got my wisdom teeth out at age 22 (the only time ever that I have been put under, what a feeling). I got some Vicodin to take home after the procedure.
I wasn't in much pain, but I do dabble in the art of altering my mind in this way or that whenever I can. So, I took a couple pills and laid on the couch to watch a hockey game and recoup.
I was feeling pretty sleepy. My mom was sitting on another couch and I was trying to talk to her, but I couldnt speak any words. I didnt even know how to, the muscle memory wasnt there. I looked at her on my right and saw her there, but she just kept watching TV. Then I looked down on my left and there I was. Just sitting there. I say I looked down because whatever "I" was doing at this moment, the place where my mind was, was floating in the air. I couldnt stop staring at myself, still awake, I think, watching TV. I got weirded out very quickly and as quick as I could blink my eyes I was on the couch again watching the game.
Just wanted to share. | Got wisdom teeth pulled. Took Vicodin for the first time. Floated over my body and watched myself and my mom watch TV. |
t3_40lgm5 | relationships | Me [30 M] with my wife [29 F] of a few months (but 5 years dating), her ex is driving me insane [UPDATE] | Original Post Here:
So, I spoke with my wife about it and it wasn't very pretty. She insists I just don't understand, it's not like that, yadda yadda. I've explained to her the relationship makes me VERY uncomfortable. She even cried a bit.
Okay, so to the people asking 'why didn't you solve this before you got married?' The answer is, it did come up, quite a bit actually, and I expressed my discomfort. But other than this, really, our relationship is amazing. This is the one thing that makes me unhappy. And I didn't want to be the guy who broke up with his girlfriend because he was the jealous type. Although, looking back I feel like I should have put my foot down and said 'him or me,' back when this first started.
Anyway, the conversation ended with her saying 'let's move forward, and I will now keep in mind how you feel.' Okay, awesome, right?
Well, I saw her go to search something on her instagram, and right under me as top searches was THE GUY.
So I checked her facebook (I know, I know), and sure enough, she's still talking with the guy. Now, it's nothing bad. It's all hobby-related but... damnit, I thought when she said she would move forward with what I had expressed as discomfort in mind she would stop.
So I don't know what to do. It makes me very uncomfortable, she insisted it is nothing and he's just a family/lifelong friend, she said she would keep our conversation in mind but it didn't seem to change anything.
I know she loves me and wouldn't do anything, but she also knows this relationship makes me unhappy but won't stop. There's this dual defense of "I barely know him anymore! We never talk, he means nothing!" then in the same breath "I can't just stop talking to him, he's a great friend and a good guy!"
It just eats at me, and I don't know what to do. I feel both justified and overbearing at the same time. | My wife has a friendship with an ex that makes me uncomfortable. I expressed this discomfort, but it hasn't stopped. |
t3_xlnvi | relationships | I'm moving away, and my SO is staying behind. Is it possible to deal with? | Me (19) and my GF (18) met close to half a year ago. I've never ever imagined I'd meet someone that matches this well with me, and this is the first real thing for both of us. It's probably been the best six months of my life.
Seeing as I'm a year older than her, I've been aware of the fact that I'll have to move to attend to the school of my dreams. She will however have to finish high school before moving, and this'll force us away from each other. Now here's our problem. I'm keen on trying a long distance relationship (against my common sense) but she is however rather skeptical and don't really want to go through with the pain of missing me and therefore she'd rather end it when I move.
We had a talk about this yesterday, and we both agree that we're a great match and if this had been a year earlier life would be sweet as peaches. My thoughts on the case is that I'll be returning to my home town on pretty much every available occasion (something like every 2nd month or so). And the semester is only for 9 months including holidays. She however feels that me being gone would cause her everyday life to be bad, and it would hinder her ability to enjoy her life. Now I know we're great, and I don't want this to end. And I'm confident that if we make it past a year like this, we'd have a great fucking time ahead of us considering I can go to whatever Uni I'd like in the country, and I would be able to adapt to the situation considering where she'd want to study.
But I'm conflicted by the thought that this is the first relationship we've both been in and I don't really want to go ahead and ask for a sacrifice for something that could end up just making the relationship even worse. | I'm moving away due to school, girl of my dreams wants to end it when I leave. Do I fight for a long distance relationship or do I call it quits while things are good?` |
t3_28elba | legaladvice | NJ Roofing Job Fail.Help? | I'm just trying to get some advice on my current situation.
I have a mixed use building with a flat roof in which there was a leak in so I decided to get the roof redone. I hired a company and while they were doing the roof there was a storm and the ceiling was completely immersed causing additional damage. When they finished the roof there were still leaks. So we had one of the other companies we were originally considering come look at the situation. His assessment was that this was probably his first time doing a roofing job and that based on what he's done that it's bordering on fraud. We tried to contact his insurance company but apparently his policy specifically says that they do not insure roofing, even though that is the insurance information he provided to us before we started the job. And my insurance company says that they do not cover water damage.
Now I'm out the original $8,000 deposit to the roofer, have considerable additional damage to my house, and have to hire another roofer to redo the whole project. I'm worried that filing suit will be costly and stressful. What steps should I take in my current situation? Any advice would help. Thank you. | The roofing contractor messed up the job and wasn't covered for roofing and now I have to redo the roof and have additional damage to my house. Insurance wants no part of water damage. |
t3_24g3jm | relationships | I [21 M] have a huuuuuge crush on my [21 F] close friend. Should I let her know? | I've been searching all over the internet for some advice and I can't really find anything that fits my situation, so I figured this would be the best place.
To keep it simple I'm very into my good friend. Definitely not in love with her, but have very, very strong feelings for her. I'm just extremely scared she doesn't feel the same way. A good handful of my previous relationship, even non-dating ones, have ended badly so my confidence, especially with women, is generally low on a good day. The last thing I want to do is ruin the friendship we have, and if that means keeping my feelings inside I'd much rather do that.
I'm really confused on how she feels too. We've been on a few "dates" recently, but I don't know if I'd really consider them serious non-friend romantic dates. We have this on going joke about how were gonna get married someday and frequently, she as much as me, bring that joke up. I'd say we're decently flirty, nothing too over the top, but there's usually some back-and-forth with it.
So here I am, debating if I should just say fuck it and confess to her how I feel and possibly risk out friendship becoming very awkward or just staying quiet and keep everything the way it is. I feel she has to know how I feel and may just be waiting to sack up and say something. She knows I have no confidence with women so I'm hoping she'd maybe just say something by now? I just need some specific advice. | I really like a good friend. Do I risk the friendship and be honest with her or keep quite and keep everything the same. |
t3_10510c | relationships | [F,18] My mother is toxic and destroys anyone she is near. Is it wrong of me to want to leave and be done with it all? | Hi guys.
My mother [44] is incredibly destructive and toxic. She has amassed a huge amount of debt in multiple names, like her maiden name and my father and stepfathers names. She is constantly harassed by Debt collectors, and is almost always being texted about legal action about to be taken place. She lived in luxury with my father, and after the divorce, she kept trying to live that lifestyle. She refuses to admit she is poor, or that our family is poor. She still tries to buy the biggest TV's, the best computer, a new car, when we can't even afford groceries.
We constantly moved houses while I was growing up due to bills and rent not being paid. We've even had the police on our doorstep threatening to kick us out because our landlord has asked for it. My stepfather had a perfectly clean Credit History, but my mother destroyed that too.
The final straw came about 2-3 weeks ago. I tried to apply for a loan for personal reasons, and it was rejected due to bad credit history. My stomach sank. I knew exactly where it came from, Her. I confronted her when she came home, yet she constantly denied it. She kept saying "Where did it come from?" and wouldn't even admit she was caught right to my face. She also did this to my older sister [24] when she was 18, and did it so much that my sister will have a horrendous credit history until she is 35.
Reddit, living in this house and these circumstances has destroyed me as a person. I never went out with friends, or socialised, and I've developed anxiety and paranoia due to the constant fear of being kicked out of my house. I have the option to fly overseas and leave it all. It would be the best thing for me, but it would utterly destroy her. She claims her children are her top priority, but what she has done does not seem like something a mother, or any parent, would do.
I would just like some advice, and some human conversations please. | Mother has huge debt, used my name and gave me debt as well. I want fly overseas and cut all ties. Should I? |
t3_4ocmkp | legaladvice | Application proposal idea. How to retain ownership of the idea while proposing it to a company? | Location: Tampa, Florida, United States of America
So I have an idea to propose to a major company that utilizes services it already has, but also applying a new concept and services into the existing services. Unfortunately, I cannot go into great detail about it without revealing what the proposal is.
The vague specficiations are:
-Utilize existing two services/applications
-Change an existing application
-Implement in several algorithms
-And open up a user generated content area
My question is how do you propose something like this and yet still make money for your idea? One friend had suggested making an application that does this, and then marketing it to the company, but I don't know if it would work very well without having more direct access to their services on their networks. Any suggestions or legal advice on how I would approach it? | Have a million dollar application idea for major changes to applications that already exist, while implementing in a genuine idea... how do I make money? |
t3_39s5mc | relationships | Me [19 M] wants to ask out [19F] to the prom. But not sure how to do it. Also getting into a relationship advice. | Both of us are 19 years old, and we have our prom coming up at the end of the week, with school ending just before. I've wanted to ask her out for quite awhile, but never had the chance (Maybe I just couldn't convince myself) I don't think she has a date, and I don't know exactly how she feels about me.
I was thinking of asking her monday, just going right up to her. But I also thought about just going tomorrow to her house and asking her there because she lives just up the street from me.
Another problem is that I'm viewed as the nerd of the school, and she's the super smart, motivated kind of person. So I don't know how she would react, but she knows that as well the kind of person I am. Everybody does.
I just don't know how to do this properly, she seems to always be around people, and I'm kind of nervous. I've wanted to ask her out for months but couldn't muster up courage. And with us both going to different universities at the end of the summer, I don't know what's going to happen or if she'll even accept because of that.
Has anybody had some similar experiences with this kind of thing? I would really like advice as I've never been in any kind of relationship. Feel free to ask any questions I'll answer them to the best of my ability. | Guy wants to ask girl out to prom, but doesn't know how to ask her out properly or if it will even happen. Also seeks to know about getting into an actual relationship |
t3_3ontdd | relationships | My [22F] long distance boyfriend [24M] of 3 years isn't there when I need him | Hey Reddit,
I'm really hoping I can get some insight from others who aren't nearly as stressed as I am, because I don't know if I'm thinking rationally or straight at this point as I'm under a lot of stress currently.
I have had two really physically, mentally, and emotionally demanding weeks. I have been super stressed about work and school, not been sleeping because of the massive amounts of studying and work I have to do because of midterms, and have been generally unhappy about my relationship. I tried to communicate my thoughts to my SO over Skype this past weekend but he convinced me that the little road bumps in the road are worth it to endure for the long-term goal (of being together).
We usually talk on the phone every night and that helps me stay connected with him, but so far this week he hasn't made the time to call me even though I'm so stressed out and could really use him as my rock during these dark times. During easier times, I'm usually a pretty happy, relaxed person and so it's easy and pleasant to talk to me but during these times, I'm the exactly opposite, and that's when I really need him. To me, it feels like he isn't there when I really need him and is only there during the happy, easy times.
I feel like I'm going through the toughest period of my life alone, and I'm really upset because 1) he either doesn't realize how stressed out I am and in which case he should know me better to know that I'm not my usual self or 2) he can't handle my emotional need and is choosing to ignore that burden. For him, this week is really fun because it's a company bonding week so every night there's some company sponsored event while I sleep 3 hours a night and barely make it through the day.
I just don't know if it's worth it to stay in this relationship anymore if he can't be the rock that I need him to be. | Boyfriend is having a lot of fun in his life and doesn't offer support when I'm going through a really dark period of my life. |
t3_2ng1md | needadvice | [Serious] How can I actually spend time with my son when my spouse (now separated) won't allow it? | Based on a past agreement, I am supposed to have my son with me 50% of the time. However, my son stays with my spouse (now separated, and let's call this Parent B) most of every month. My son tends to stay with Person B because he is spoiled by Parent B with junk food, toys, etc.. However, I'm extremely concerned about my son's health and education because Parent B does not provide proper guidance nor follows through with any of my son's homework or his increasingly worrisome weight problem. Whenever I try to diplomatically resolve this issue with Parent B, I am rudely told that, "Your son is old enough to make a decision about who he wants to stay with and it is not your business to decide." This is usually followed by insults that are uncalled for. This is incredibly frustrating because my son sees me as the bad/not fun parent since I'm the one who tries to help him complete his homework and guide him to the right path. Is there anything I can do to turn my son in my favor? | My son doesn't want to spend much time with me because Parent B spoils my son rotten without providing him any proper guidance on school and health. What can I do to change this? |
t3_26ra66 | personalfinance | Help with Florida Deferred Compensation | I've been a long time lurker of reddit and a recent lurker of PF. I've read most of all, if not all of the Commonly-addressed topics to the right bar.
A little history about me: I have no real debt (paid off student loans, and I have 3k car note at 1% interest). I have enough cash on hand for maybe 2-3 years worth of expenses (I live semi-frugal).
I haven't done much in the way of retirement and I want to change that. I've worked for the State of Florida for the past 8 years and I only have about 40k to show for it. When the market took a dump in 2007, I was at like 30k and I've never recovered. I broke a cardinal PF sin in that I unfortunately took the advice of one of the advisors the state offers to employees for retirement and redistributed my funds during the crash (I know now that was a huge mistake... but no crying over spilled milk).
About the state plans:
The State has two options for retirement, one is a mandatory retirement option, where I have to place 3% of my salary every check into an account and they match it. The other option I believe is a 403B option (called "deferred compensation"). I've yet to get into this option. Recently, after reading the sidebars and countless posts recently, I've come to the realization that I should probably get involved with deferred compensation and try to max my contribution (17.5k this year).
Ok, now onto the rub... check out the following link:
I don't like the options of the "deferred comp". Nationwide manages their services and the fees seem high. They have a charlies schwab option, but that has like $25 dollar a year fee, on top of other fees. Vanguard option also has other fees.
What does this mean: "For investments in the Vanguard Target Retirement Funds, ING charges a 35 basis point daily asset fee for its administrative services to the plan in addition to the fund fees charged by Vanguard"
I guess I am still trying to figure it all out. Does anyone have any advice? | I need advice on if I should be investing in the "deferred comp", despite crappy plans... or should i just Roth IRA... combo of both... IDK |
t3_3soun1 | relationships | I (16M) have multiple crushes on a few girls. What's the difference between a crush and actual feelings for someone? | I (16M) used to have a 5 year crush on a girl (16F) 6 years ago but due to long distance I have moved on. Since then I have been turned down twice by two girls (both 15F) whom I have felt a similar feeling with. Now I just don't feel a similar long-term love anymore and I constantly have on-off crushes on 3 girls (15F, 16F and 16F). Take note that I have never had a serious relationship with any of the above, and thus I want to find a distinction between a crush and something that can sustain a relationship, on the assumption that if I knew this, I could know whether I should make a move or not. | Stopped chasing a girl, got rejected by others, and never felt the same since. Wants to know what type of love should be acted upon. |
t3_gipf2 | relationship_advice | Got involved with the wrong kind of right person and now I'm walking away. Tell me if I'm doing the right thing? | Me 26/m her 24/f. I made up my mind but I would like to run it through you sensible people to see if I missed anything.
Basically I started getting involved with an acquaintance who very quickly became a friend and even quicker more than friends. Turns out some time between friends and more than friends she reveals that she has a boyfriend 34/m for 5 years. We tried to cool down our feelings for each other but the inevitable happened and we went all the way. She's been trying to make up her mind since.
I's been a number of months and I no longer feel like playing this game. Though I understand that it takes time coming out of a long relationship. We click on so many aspects but I decided I'm putting a lot of space between us and when she is single we'll talk.
What do you guys think? Thanks for reading reddit! | got involved with an amazing someone who turned out to be in a relationship and it's time to walk away because this way we'll just crash and burn. |
t3_2we9ns | tifu | TIFU by possibly getting kicked out of High School for accidental plagiarism | My high school uses a tool that automatically checks your assignment submission against all other students and the internet. I got called into the principal's office today and was told that I was being suspended and possibly expelled for plagiarism, as they claimed I had copied more than 80% of my assignment from the web.
Completely stunned, I just took it on the chin as I wasn't able to come up with an answer as to why my assignment would have been taken from the net, so I went home and told the family. Needless to say I was pretty much disowned. Long story short, my family is Asian. I then decided that I wanted to see what part I had copied from the web.
Turns out that the plagiarism tool had compared my assignment to a week old version of my own work that I uploaded to my personal webhost (hosted on my home PC, it's my ghetto dropbox) and so, basically, I copied the assignment from myself. | could get expelled for plagiarism, turned out my assignment was hosted on my own local web server and that I had plagiarised myself. |
t3_340au6 | relationships | I (20F) am just about to go out with a guy (24M) who talks very little over text and such. Does anyone have any tips on how to survive guys who just don't really do social media/text? | I'm 20F, and started talking to a guy, 24M, about a week and a half ago over Tinder and then text. We have plans to go out later this week.
Anyway, he seems to be interested, yet he talks very little. I was friends with a guy like this back in high school, he expressed interest but over text/facebook it was nearly impossible to hold a conversation with him because he just couldn't "do" conversations right over a computer or phone. In real life though, my friend was a perfectly normal guy that I got along just fine with
What I'm wondering with this new guy, is that going to be an issue if we were to actually have a relationship? Does anyone have experience with guys who are interested and talk well in real life, but just seem to not be able to talk over text?
I know talking on the phone and FaceTime is a possibility when we aren't in person, but still, you have to admit that text is pretty handy in daily life. | I like a guy, he seems to like me, I'm sure we'll do just fine in real life, however he doesn't talk much over text. How do I handle that? |
t3_27mgbc | relationships | My SO (25/m) and I (24/f) get into the same argument every time he wants his hair cut. | This is stupid and short but I don't know what to do about it. We've been together 4 years. Once a month, or once every 2 months, my SO wants to cut his hair himself so he doesn't have to pay $10 freaking dollars at the local barber. Every time he tries to make me help cut it for him and every time I refuse. I suck at it. We argue the whole cut. I get nervous. I don't like doing it. It gives me a headache. After we go through the bickering of him asking me and me saying no even offering to pay for it myself, he storms off and cuts it himself. It ends up looking like a dog cut it for him and then he doesn't talk to me for the rest of the day. I don't know how to explain to him that I don't want to fight every freaking time he wants his hair cut. I just shut down because I don't want to do it! | Boyfriend wants me to cut his hair. I say no. Fight ensues. He doesn't talk to me. Eventually goes back to normal. |
t3_3ac0x1 | relationships | Did my [22 M] girlfriend [22 F] contract HPV from me or someone else before we started dating? | My girlfriend and I have been dating for over 2 1/2 years now and we have both been faithful the entire time. She received a pap smear this week and tested positive for low-risk HPV with no symptoms.
She seems to recall that she had a pap smear about 2 years ago when we had been dating for 5-6 months and all tests were negative. This leads me to believe that it was most likely me who gave it to her.
However, I've been reading on websites that it can lay dormant for years without symptoms and I grow concerned that one of her ex-boyfriends might have given it to her before we started dating. On the flip side, some websites say that 90% of HPV viruses are dealt with by the immune system in under two years. Is there a way to know for sure?
Additionally, I heard that smoking can cause HPV in both males and females. I do smoke. | My girlfriend of 2 1/2 years has low-risk HPV. I don't know enough about it to determine if I gave it to her or if it was an ex-bf of hers. |
t3_3eo1l9 | relationships | I [18/M] really don't want to screw up a potential relationship.... | I have been talking to this girl for about two weeks now and I have been hitting it off really well with her. She's living kinda far away until college starts and is moving in on my birthday.
But here's catch #1, her last relationship ended badly and her ex was abusive. He cheated on her and stole stuff behind her back. So she obviously has trust issues. I told her recently that I had anger management problems that I worked on, but she still seemed to get scared cause I'm a big guy. I tried comforting her but she still was nervous. I want to know what is the best route to make sure she feels comfortable with me.
Catch #2, I don't want to fall too fast for her and be hurt. We have talked about dating in college and stuff cause we both prefer relationships to hookups and etc. I just don't want to mess it up because I do like her a lot. Now we have gone on a date b/c she was in town for a little and hit it off amazingly. But I wanted to use this next month to get to know her and get closer but I wanted to know how to do it properly...
Sorry if I sound like an idiot, my parents weren't really there for me when I was younger when it came to teaching me about relationships and I have had a bad one already... | I want to not mess up a potential relationship and want advice on how to comfort someone with a past bad relationship and how to manage the pace of it. |
t3_10jkky | AskReddit | What slightly odd/silly inside-joke(s) do you have with your significant other that make(s) your relationship awesome? | Here is the back story for one of ours: A while back my husband and I were watching Cowboys & Aliens (spoiler alert!)and, in case you haven't seen it, it gets super melodramatic towards the end. I won't go into too many details, but at the very end Daniel Craig's character miraculously reunites with Olivia Wilde's character and, as he's cradling her in his arms, he softly, gently and kind of seductively whispers "I thought you were dead," beginning an intense make-out session. Of course, our response was to burst out laughing because...well, who wouldn't find that hilarious? Ever since, either randomly or sneak-attack style, one of us gets uncomfortably close to the other's ear and whispers "I thought you were dead" inevitably leading to laughter and kisses. This also leads to some very odd looks if it happens in public, which just makes us laugh harder. :) | Due to a movie we watched, we whisper "I thought you were dead" randomly to each other in a creepily romantic fashion. |
t3_4b5b9e | personalfinance | Is a 15 or 30 Year Mortgage Right For Me? | * I make about $57,500 a year, 10% of which goes to a 401K.
* I just bought a $209,000 house, which I'm able to put 20% down on (leaving about $10,000 in the bank). All appliances are included.
* Mortgage rates here are 3% for 15 years, 3.5% for 20, and 3.75% for 30.
* My job is stable but I only get 1.5% raises a year.
* I'm in a relationship - our current agreement is that she provides $75 a month to help cover utilities... I may ask to up this to $100, which I feel is still very reasonable.
I "can" afford a 15 year mortgage and on a 15 year mortgage I'd be banking about $4,687 a year if I maintained my current spending habits (I don't spend a lot).
Is banking $4,687 yearly enough? I don't know how much surprise home repairs tend to come out to be. The house is 8 years old so hopefully I won't need to worry about the roof for another 12 years. My car is 4.5 years old and paid off; so here in about 5 years I'll also need to factor in car payments. We also want to get a dog and add a fence to our house - so then there are those expenses I haven't factored in, either.
My family is recommending that I do a 30 year mortgage and aim to pay it off in 15 years. If my math is right I'd only be banking $3,955 a year if I do that, but with the flexibility of backing down my payments if surprises spring up at me. In the long run I'd be spending $10,980 for this flexibility. | Is there enough extra stuff jumping from apartment life to house life that I'd need to save more than $4,687 annually? |
t3_3luvqd | relationships | Accidentally pushed my boner against a coworker/good friend | So, I am very close friends with this girl I work with. We have been friends for years since before we worked together. We always greet each other with hugs because we just do that like every young adult. NOW, I live Right behind my work in an apartment. It is a 30 second walk to work. Today I slept in on accident and my boss calls me. It's a pretty lax job so he didn't care he just wanted me in as soon as possible. I have never been late to work so a panic and throw on my uniform and run over there. I am a 20 year old male. Ever hear of morning wood? So I run through the door and my friend is standing there just smirking because I was late. She thinks it's funny so she walks up gives me a hug calls me a sleepy head and calls me an idiot. Then I realize it. I have a hard on , and it is pressed right up against her. There is NO WAY SHE DID NOT NOTICE. She pulls back and looks at me in a nice/awkward way. She walks back into the kitchen as do I, and we have not spoken one word to each other all day. That in itself is strange. Let alone that every time we look at one another we quickly shift our gaze. HELP. I do not know what to say to here that won't make this situation even more awkward. "Sorry I just pushed my boner up against you, but I swear it was morning wood. it's platonic." Platonic boners are NOT A FUCKING THING. So here I am on my lunch break trying to figure out what to say to one of my closest friends. Reddit... Help
Sorry for the wall of text but on mobile. | pushed morning would up against my good friend at work. How do I bring it up to her in a non awkward way and explain things |
t3_50n133 | relationships | Me [23 M] with my best friend [22 M] 5 years, how do I get help him with his severe lack of drive? | I know that the solution 90% of the time is that "you can't change who this person is, no matter who you are it's up to them" but I want to see if anyone has a similar experience to give advice not to me but to him.
My friend is universally liked by almost everyone he meets. He's very gentle and nice and eager to understand even if he's not that interested in a conversation. But over the years of being his friend, I think a major factor is because of his passiveness. It's more like people get along with him because he accepts nearly everyone. He doesn't really have strong opinions on things, he never really gets passionate about things he does but he's definitely very fun to bring along to events so that's not his problem i.e. he's interesting.
His problem is that it's hard to convince him to do things. He's not enthusiastic about exercising even though he knows it's good or doing things that will better him in general like learning how to drive and generally sometimes I doubt if he's studying or working cause he enjoys it as opposed to something he's expected to do so I worry about him.
I've tried to make regular outings with him to stay fit like to the gym or just trying a bike path but he really only puts up with it for me.
The reason I'm so concerned as a friend is because this extends to his love life which frankly I don't even know exists. He has natural attraction to women but I feel like in the next 2 years he's not going to make a single move on any woman he likes period. So I feel it's just a lack of motivation and "drive". How do I help him? | Friend lacks drive. Worried for his social development. He needs to know life is something you take by the balls. |
t3_25zjvt | relationships | Me [35 M] with a woman I'm dating [30 F] for over a month, I tested positive for HSV-1. Need advice please. | I've been dating this awesome woman for the past 5 weeks and have done everything right when it comes to being honest about myself and honest with my feelings for her. I was fully tested for all STD and was clean except for HSV-1. Being the honest man I am, I let her know as it could affect her someday. She said she needed time to process this and I'll give here the time. We saw eachother today for lunch and talked about this quite a bit. Tears were shed by both of us. She is very confused because she likes me a whole lot and doesn't want to catch this virus. Which I understand. Is there anything I can do to help educate her about HSV-1 so she can make an informed decision? | Told woman I'm newly dating I tested positive for HSV-1. She doesn't know what to do. I need advice. I like her a lot. |
t3_4aziu6 | legaladvice | MA tenants on vacation in Panama with section 8 housing money, stopped paying rent 3 weeks ago, never told us they left. I want to hurt them, real bad. | Throwaway and sorry for such a click bait title with the I want to hurt them line, but its true I really do want to hurt them just not in a physically confrontation kind of way. 3 weeks ago these "professionals tenants" stopped paying rent, called them asked them when will they pay, tried to arrange something, went there 1 day ago personally to check on them, got told from the other tenants that they went on vacation in panama. We then decides to go to court to do some research on these tenants previous renting history. You are probably asking your self why are these idiots doing this now? Well we get our renters from agents, they do the background checks and handles all the process, basically a middleman and when they say its good we release the keys they move in and blah blah blah. Anyways back to the story, we called the last landlord they had and it was a nice old lady who picked up the phone, and when we asked her about these tenants she told us that they owned her 4k in rent and it took month before they evicted them because they know how to play the game. After hearing that we called the agents to complain, they apologized profusely and thats the story so far. I really want to hurt them like taking their benefits away but obviously I don't call the shots I just want to know is there a way to report them to the government and they actually look into this? File some complaint where people actually take this shit seriously? I did some research on section 8 fraud but this department is only for Los angles couldn't find anything for MA. | Section 8 tenants stopped paying rent, went to vacation while getting section 8 housing money, never told us they left, owned the previous landlord 4k in rent. I want to report them and legal advise. |
t3_1fw32l | relationships | I (19F) have once again been let down by my boyfriend (22M) of 1 year. Not angry, but disappointed. | A little info: I am an art history student and I help in the university gallery on a regular basis. Today there was a show that allowed open entry, nothing judged or selected to go in. I decided to put in a few of my photographs that I do on the side to see how people like them. I was very excited to have my pieces in a gallery and in an art show- it didn't matter to me if it was not selected or judged, my art was on display for the public to see and criticize, a big deal for me as I am fearful of people thinking it's garbage.
My bf (22M) of 1 year said he would come support me, come see my work on display. He told me he would be here, but when the time came for him to come (he had a three hour time block between the show opening and him having to be at work) he said he had things to do- had to fix a door, get to work early, run errands. He knew about this for a few days.
He knew how much it meant for me to see someone I love come to see my work on display as I am away at school from my family and my friends have gone home for the summer. But he didn't show. I'm not angry, but I am sad.
This isn't the first time he's promised something and hasn't followed through with it. Ex.)
"We'll go out to a fancy restaurant!" I get all dressed up and he shows up in shorts and a paint spotted shirt. No fancy restaurant.
"Lets go do something fun!" I get ready, he comes to get me "I'm tired, lets just go back to my place." No fun.
And so on..
I'm just getting sick of it! What can I do reddit? | Boyfriend makes promises and doesn't keep them. Bf didn't show up for art show I had pieces in= sad me. |
t3_x7ndj | AskReddit | Identical social networking profiles? What's up with this? | I got two friend suggestions from Facebook which led me to obviously fake profiles with identical "about me" essays. I got curious and searched for other pages with the same "about" essay. The list below is just a starter set, but notice that they come from a range of networking sites. I don't want to get all conspiracy-theoryesque on you, but can somebody explain to me what is going on here?
The identical essays read as follows:
"I love to travel, go on long walks on a gorgeous day, grill out with friends, read a good book, anything involving the water, see live music or an occasional game, see a movie. I like to go new places, so am up for anything.
"I love Rome, Paris, Hawaii, Cancun, Las Vegas, New York, Disney World, Wrigthsville Beach, Blowing Rock..... I am more of a hang out with friends than club type of girl, but love meeting up with friends for a drink at a bar too.
"I like pretty much all music, so I am easy to please there. My favorite shows are HIMYM, Modern Family, Weeds, True Blood, Big Bang Theory to name a few. I love trying to new restaurants and am a bit of a foodie.
I'm currently reading Girl with the Dragon Tatoo, before that I read a series called The Hunger Games. I like to read, and often have several books going on my Kindle at once."
What's up here, Reddit? | A number of fake profiles have been established on an array of social networking sites, all with the apparent purpose of posting the identical "about me" essay. |
t3_109ssl | loseit | Anyone else not happy with the new rules? Me vs. a mod regarding my own personal victory... | So let's go out on a limb and say this will probably get taken down by the very same mod who took my first post down, but I have to complain about the way things are done here. I posted earlier about how I hit a milestone this morning by moving from "obese" to "overweight" on my BMI chart. I also included a link to my blog, which details the story of my weight loss from the very beginning. Much to my surprise, my post was removed. When I asked why, I was told I needed to include information that was "**actually useful**" regarding how I lost the weight. I'm sorry, could we all just take a minute here? I write diligently every day in a blog, and I always include the link to it in case anyone would benefit from reading it. But it might be **actually useful** to ME to just be able to talk about something I'm proud of without having to make sure it's formatted exactly right. I think it's really stupid....I've seen posts about similar NSVs before. It's absurd to me that the mods on here are measuring the "quality" of our posts now. I understand moderating to get rid of spam or the herp derps that crop up every once in a while, but I was excitedly writing about a huge milestone for me....guess it wasn't actually useful enough to be worthy of this subreddit. So anyone else pissed?
Dare you not to take it down. | I posted something I believe is very legitimate and worthwhile, only to have a mod take it down and tell me how to change it. And I am annoyed. |
t3_3g4be0 | tifu | TIFU by eating candy while high | Ok so this was alittle while ago. like a few months ago.
I was at my cusins Place With some friends and we were gonna have a lan gaming party sort of thing. And one of Our friends. brought some weed. im not a stranger to weed so we went outside and got high as fuck.
Went back to the house and i probly got the worst case of munchies i have ever had. so i started eating some candy and chips that i had bought prior to the party.
i couldnt stop eating, i was eating so fast and all of a sudden a friend tripped and smashed hes face into the wall. so ofc i started laughing my ass off, ofc while i was still stuffing my face With candy and chips.
Ok Queue fuck up.
while i was laughing and eating. i got some candy in the wrong, "tube"? and i couldnt breath at all. i stood up to try to breath. Still nothing. so i stated punching myself in the chest and alittle above my stomach to try and get what was stuck out. still nothing.
I tried to signal to my friends that i needed help, but ofc being high as fuck aswell, they just asked, wtf are you doing and laughed.
So i did the only thing i could do. i put my finger as far Down my throat as i could in order og get a gag reflex and maybe puke it out. it worked. alittle. still couldnt breath but was puking alittle at a time untill it was all out and i could breath normally.
I went in to the bathroom to clean myself off alittle. and went back out to the others. they had understood that i had puked. but not why. so i tried to explain, but they just called it a newbie experience to weed....
Welp | Ate candy while high, got it stuck in the wrong "tube" and had to puke to get it out. |
t3_1igoa4 | relationships | Me [28/M] contemplating ending 6 months relationship with my GF [29/F] | So I was married from 2004-2011 (with a year of seperation in there, my ex had an affair, ended in divorce), I have a 5 year old daughter with my ex, and have 50% custody. I met my current GF in November of 2012, we began dating in Feb 2013. She's great, very kind, nurturing, thoughtful, my family loves her, my mom talks to her on the phone. (Never happened with my ex-wife). She's divorced and also has a 5 year old girl. We laugh and have fun. The problem is, we can't communicate with out the other one taking offense, and its gotten to the point where I have no motiviation to even have a conversation more than a few words. She takes everything to the extreme, for example;
Her: What do you want for dinner? (Tone: pleasnt)
Me: I don't care...whatever (Tone: indifferent)
Her: Well I guess I won't cook for you, if you don't care...(Tone: hurt/offended)
I don't take criticizm well and that is something I struggle to work on.
We get so many things right, but I'm still not happy. She's galaxies better than any person I've ever been with, but I just can't shake this feeling of wanting to be alone. I think I'm realizing that I was content with just me and my daughter...
Lately there has been talk about future plans, marriage (I want, she's hesitant), and how the dynamic would work out. She's Chinese, and grew up in a very traditional chinese home, and I come from a family of midwest Irish farmers. We have very different views on how the family should work out.
I don't know if I'm just being an immature guy, and want to just be with my daughter. Or if this is really something to end things over. | Both Divorced with Kids, Different definitions of Family, can't decide if I'm a man-child or the relationship is getting toxic... |
t3_174yto | relationship_advice | I a[M] in a long distance realtionship .No messaging,very less communication because her dad is too stirct.Dont' know Love her on not.CONFUSED | I am a normal guy.I am in this realtionship for the past three years which started in high school.But now her dad has come to know about our relationship and he is very stirct about her being in touch with me.Before,when I used to visit my hometown every six months, we could meet up but now I can't even see her.We communicate through friends sometimes.I don't know that I love her or not(Maybe Yes).She's too too cute.Maybe I'm afraid that if I leave her I won't get such a cute girl as my girfriend.Sometimes I don't even think of her but sometimes her thoughts engulf my mind. | Long distance relationship(3yrs) with least communication because of her dad.She's too cute.M Afraid I'll not find a girl like her. |
t3_4qnnx9 | Advice | Weird situation with one girl | So, this year I started to go to a new school. There was this girl, whom I didn't really notice at first. She didn't really know anybody in our class. On one event, she started to talk to me, we were chatting and laughing. After a while, we were standing in a row of people, and she leaned herself against me and put her hands on my shoulders. I wasn't really noticing her that much, and this came to me as she might like me, because it's unusual to get this behavior from an fairly unknown person. So what I did is basically nothing, just continued the conversation. After that, I started noticing her much much more, and I actually fell really bad in love with her. But what happened is that she started to befriend other people, meet better and less social awkward people, so she kinda forgot about me. We weren't enemies by any means, we just weren't talking that much. Right now I am aware of how big of a mistake I made, cause right now I'm in a really bad state. I completely lost ability to be happy, and the only thing that makes me happy is being with her. But the problem is I don't know her much enough and vice versa to even talk together. I'm in a very weird situation where we know each other, but we're not really friends. And also, she doesn't know I love her, and I for sure know she isn't looking for any relationship. But if I tell her that I love her, I'm afraid I will lose even the little friendship between us, however, if I don't, and she finds a boyfriend (which will last for some years, as I would expect from her) I will be sad, because I didn't tell her. I don't know what to do, I don't remember when was the last time I was happy, and I don't think i will be for a long time if I don't find a solution. Please help me. | Girl I love, that kinda ignores me, is my only source of happiness, don't know what to do, cause she for sure doesn't want me. |
t3_1keu6m | relationships | My fiance makes decisions without asking me. | My fiance (27) and I (26) have been together for a little more than a year. We live in Japan, and while my Japanese is passable for everyday conversation, I need a translator when I visit the doctor.
Whenever we go to the doctor, he always starts by explaining my symptoms to the doctor, then the doctor responds, and then they start to have a conversation about my health without my understanding what is going on. My fiance doesn't stop and explain to me what they are talking about. When I complained about this before, he said that he doesn't want to take up their time and can't tell me every detail of what they said. I can kind of see where he's coming from, but I have had translation help from friends and coworkers before, and they always filled me in on what was happening.
When the doctor asks questions about my condition, he turns to me and asks me about it. I answer him in English, and he translates. Then when the doctor responds, again he doesn't fill me in on what is being said.
When the doctor offers advice or prescribes medicine, he just accepts what the doctor says without letting me know what the doctor is saying. So since I don't understand the context of the situation, I am not able to ask questions, like about what the side effects are for example. He just accepts what the doctor says on my behalf. Whenever the doctor leaves the room to write a prescription or something, then he takes that time to explain it to me.
He accepts whatever treatment the doctor suggests without asking me if I want it. He just makes the decision on my behalf, and I feel totally like a child. I feel like I have no choice in my medical treatment. Then if I ask him to ask questions after he has already accepted what the doctor said, it makes me look bad.
I am really angry about how he treats me. Is this unacceptable, or am I overreacting? | My fiance translates for me at the doctor, doesn't explain what's going on, and makes decisions on my behalf. |
t3_4pgst4 | relationships | Me [29 M] with my wife [31 F], roomate | Wife wanted to talk to me last night as I was going to bed, I shut off the light at 11:20 when she came to bed. She was unhappy I did because she wanted eye contact, but it was late so we both went to bed a little annoyed at each other.
This morning before going off to work, she confronts me and says she feels like we are just roommates and not a married couple. Says we don't talk anymore, like last night we watched tv until I decided to stop and go on my run. Then I had to shower, then we watched the news and got ready for bed.
I agree that we aren't really intimate anymore, part of the problem is me resenting her for not being interested in what I am interested in sexually | Wife thinks we behave like roommates, we are both stressed and have drifted away from each other. How do we fix it? How can I get over my resentment? |
t3_37jzoe | relationships | [M]Breaking up with girlfriend of over 3 years... | So I told my girlfriend well ex girlfriend that I want to break up with her... We haven't really gotten along in well over a year. Every single thing is a fight or conflict with no type of resolve or compromise from either of us. We've lived together for a while so I'm used to half the rent but I'll get over it and get my own place and pay full rent. Obviously. The thing is that it should of been a thing to begin with I feel. I'm only 23 and I shouldn't be living with someone I was dating... Bad mistake and I feel like I've wasted so much time... I have really bad anxiety and this whole situation is terrible because I'm literally living in her dads basement because it's kind of like an in law. And I told him randomly that I'm gonna move out. He felt offended and says in using them now till I can move out. But I pay rent still. I'm just trying to save. I have a lot of bills and yeah.. It's really tough right now.
The worst part is my anxiety. I have terrible anxiety and I'm so used to being with her like idk how to function without her. I obviously can but being alone makes me anxious....
I was talking to someone as like a rebound but I think I did something wrong because she won't talk to me. The whole situation is really messed up.
And I would love some straightforward friendly advice. Thanks reddit. | 23 living with girlfriend of 3 years for over 2 years. Anxiety disorder and don't know how to function without her or someone... |
t3_2xj5yu | relationships | I,[16 M] started dating a friend [16 F] and am not sure on whether or not she feels the same | let me start off by saying that I will be thankful for any advice. I'm probably just gonna sound like a clueless kid, but oh well. Here goes
I've known this girl for about a year, but have been talking/hanging out for around 4 months. Not so much at first, but more in the past month or two. We share a lot of interests, so it was easy for us to find things to do.
When we started talking, she was dating a guy who lived about an hour away and didn't see often. We live somewhat far apart, but not that far. She was dating this guy because of something that happened with her suddenly not being able to talk to a friend.
She has since broken up with him. A few weeks after they broke up, I asked her out on a date, to which she agreed to. This was a week ago, and wasn't much different from us hanging out before ,but it went pretty well.
This brings me to my main dilemma. I'm not sure if she feels as strong toward me as I do her. She doesn't seem to ask me to hang out ever, but she never said no and always seemed pretty excited when I asked.
She also seems to talk about another guy a ton.(We'll call him Mike). She has almost only guy friends, and talks about them a lot, but not as much as Mike.
I'm not sure if I should confront her about mike and she how she feels towards him. I don't want to be someone she just goes out with until he's free, y'know?
Should I just wait, go out more, and see what becomes of it? Am I just being insecure? Once again, any answers will be greatly appreciated. | Started dating a girl I was friends with, but am not sure if she feels the same towards me as I do her. |
t3_23q6kl | relationships | I [25F] keep attracting men who want my attention but don't want me. | Lately I've fallen into a rut with dating where, for whatever reason, I keep attracting guys who are interested in my *attention*, but not *me*. They'll schedule dates with me only to bail at the last minute, encourage me to call or text them and then not respond for days at a time, fall off the radar for a while and then reappear when it's convenient for them, things like that. It's happened to me several times now in just the last few months. Each time it soon became clear that the guy just enjoyed the feeling of having someone on the hook, and each time I stopped initiating or responding to contact once I realized what was going on.
It's happened so many times lately that it feels a little like I'm putting off some sort of signal telling people to lead me on and jerk me around. To say it's gotten old fast would be an understatement.
I guess my question is whether anyone knows a reliable way of identifying these guys and weeding them out from the get-go. Any thoughts? | I'm tired of being led on and wonder if anyone can give me pointers for identifying guys who are just going to exploit my interest without reciprocating. |
t3_3ux9pj | relationships | My(14F) Dad(40M) doesn't trust my online friend(14M) because he looks Middle Eastern | My friendship with this boy, we'll call him Jack, has grown since the few months I've met him. We've become close as friends and trust each other. He's trusted me enough to show his face on webcam and while I was chatting to him one day, my dad walked in and saw his face.
He seemed alarmed by him. Let me mention I own no webcam and am on a monitor, he insists there are possibilities of him seeing me. When I tell him he lives in Venezuela, he tells me that is a communist country and basically tells me he does not like me communicating with a boy that looks Middle Eastern. It is very obvious that this boy is 14, but my dad insists he could be any age.
He reassures me that he's not trying to be an asshole, just protective, and I can understand that part. Being American in the world we live in today, I can understand his paranoia. He tells me that I am not the one he doesn't trust but the people on the internet. Again, understandable. My problem is, I have proven to him that I can be trusted not to tell anyone any details about where I live, who I am, etc.
I told Jack this in secrecy and we've resorted to using different websites for messaging in order not to have these chats saved in my email. It's tiring doing this. And it is unfair to Jack. My dad saw me video chatting with my friend, who is a white girl, but didn't say anything about that!
Am I wrong to continue talking to Jack? How do I solve my problem with my dad? | Dad does not want me chatting online with my friend because he "looks Middle Eastern", how do I prove to him that Jack is not a bad guy? |
t3_4jxckl | relationships | Is it fair of me (22m) to not want to have sex with my girlfriend (21m) because she's not on birth control? | I'll try to make this as short as possible. Let's call my girlfriend Jolene.
Jolene and I have been dating for 3 years and are currently living together. We've always had a healthy sex life and have always used condoms. We've discussed birth control in the past, but never actually followed through with it.
She's always had an irregular period, but the last one was a month and a half late. I thought to myself, "This is it. I'm going to be a father".
Neither of us are in a position to have kids, since we both are starting careers.
Obviously, it being over a month later gave us QUITE a scare, and made me realize we really should have more protection than just condoms (better safe than sorry, right?) She took a pregnancy test and it came back negative. Eventually, her period did come and all was dandy.
Well, ever since then when we've been having sex, I've felt uncomfortable and can't get the idea out of my head that condoms DO break and we should have more protection.
It's gotten to the point where I almost feel like NOT having sex until she does get on birth control, for peace of mind.
Is it fair to feel that way, or is it selfish of me to do that?
She's made it clear if she gets pregnant she won't get an abortion (religious reasons, I'm not concerned about that), which makes me think even MORE that she should be on birth control, since she wouldn't get an abortion. | it makes me uncomfortable having sex since gf isn't on birth control, even if we use condoms (which we always do) |
t3_1j2gdc | relationships | I [27M/F] remembered a girl I was in love with 6+ years ago, but now I've been married for almost 3 years to my wife [23M/F]. | So, today I'm at work listening to a radio station from another Country when the song "Latch" comes on and all of a sudden, I can't get this girl out of my head. It was a girl I tried to start dating and I fell super fast for and got dumped by her. We just started getting physical (kissing, making out, cuddling no sex) too fast if I remember why I was kinda kicked to the curb.
I can't stop thinking about her, but I can't find her anywhere! This was like 6 years back when we had our little fling I guess you could call it. I want so bad to get in contact with her, just to say hi, not necessarily to date her or anything. I guess it would be interesting to see what might happen. I'm OCD you see. I have a hard time letting things go and so I buried all her memories and had sorta just kept them somewhere in my mind. Now I want to see her badly. To tell her all my feelings
The big kicker that makes it hard to search for her, I've been married for just over two years..... And until this day, I haven't even cared about any other girls.
So Reddit, don't hate/judge. This is an internal conflict that I have t even moved forward with. This is kind of a vent sesh.
The question I want to ask, what would you do and what lengths would you go to if you decided to search for her? | Just remembered long lost love from 6 years ago, been married for the last 3 to someone else. I want to go look for first girl, should I or just drop it because I'm married? |
t3_493p3o | tifu | TIFU by not using my brain when following a recipe. | So yesterday I decided it would be a great idea to make some brownies, I'd heard that you could make them from pureed black beans and this sounded amazing. So I pottered to the shops and got my ingredients, including DRIED black beans. When I got in I was ravenous so just blended all the ingredients together, it looked a bit odd but I'd never made it before so who was I to judge
Chucked it on the oven and scoffed a few as soon as they came out.
They were not good, very crunchy and not amazing tasting but I persevered not wanting to waste ingredients.
I've had stomach ache for a full 24 hrs now. | used dried beans instead of normal beans in brownies. Made the worst tasting thing in the world and stupidly ate it too. Now feel very unwell. |
t3_1qqus7 | relationships | I[f24] ruined a good relationship. What to do now? | The title basically says it all. I ruined a relationship with a good person due to expectation, jealousy, holding on to a bad past, insecurity, and ungratefulness. My ex-boyfriend[m24] have had a tumultuous past which can probably be blamed on me and he's cheated on me. I have forgiven him for it as I acknowledge what I did to contribute to him doing that. He has changed so much and I have held the cheating against him, but returned to the behavior that led to it. We've broken up many times due to me calling it off because I was shutting down and being defensive and he's always tried to come together, but I always shut him out. We recently got into another huge fight and I told him I couldn't be with him anymore even though it is my fault. I let him talk and explain his side and it really broke my heart to hear about myself and how I've made a perfectly decent human being feel for the past four years. I know it's over. I know he deserves better. I know we can't be together anymore because he deserves better. I'm not trying to get back with him, but what can I do to make things right? How do I deal with the guilt, shame, and the now broken relationship and relationships with mutual friends. I know I deserve it and I don't deserve any sympathy or pity right now, but I just want to know how to move forward. I wanted to change throughout the whole relationship in my heart and mind, but I just kept failing at it. How do I change? ;__; I'm mainly looking for support from RA so I don't get lost in my head, go crazy, and try and harass him by trying to show my regret. I don't mean to sound pathetic, but please help. | I fucked up a relationship and tore a good person down. how do I make things right? (not trying to restore a broken relationship) |
t3_4ws1cr | Advice | My friend texts me to talk but won't choose a subject | Hey there! Just hoping for some advice about what to do here, as this situation is starting to frustrate me a little.
So I started talking to one of my old friends again recently. We haven't hung out a lot as of late, but we'll go through periods where we text a lot. This was all good and well, as I liked talking to him and was excited to rekindle our friendship.
But a pattern has emerged. After the initial pleasantries ("how was your day?", "what are you up to?", "how's the boyfriend?", etc), he asks me "so what do you want to talk about?"
This was nice for a little while, but this happens all the time now, and frankly, I don't know what I want to talk about anymore. I've tried turning it around and saying "I don't know, is there anything you want to talk about?", but he always replies with "you choose" or something along those lines.
I would get this if he didn't really want to talk to me or if I was texting him, but he's the one who texts first most of the time. It's making conversation really awkward, to the point I sometimes find an excuse to stop talking for a bit. When I do try and keep up the conversation, I've started turning to the internet for conversation ideas, which doesn't really work.
What can I do to stop this awkward conversation cycle? | My friend texts me, always asks me what I want to talk about, but apparently has no conversational ideas of his own. Help making it less awkward? |
t3_2cp88x | relationships | I'm [25F] considering giving my friend [29M] a largeish sum of money | My friend John is down on his luck. He's considering reenlisting in the military after a failed semester at school (medical reasons) and being unable to find a job in the tiny town we live in.
He lost his apartment recently and is living with myself and my bf. He's given us a really nice fridge, oven and washer/dryer combo because his move out was rushed.
I want to pay him ~$1500 for the appliances instead of accepting them as gifts. However, this is an unexpected purchase for me and will eat up my savings before school starts.
He is prevented from going back to school right now because he owes 3 grand. I told him he might be able to pay half of it with this money, then negotiate with the college to register for classes and receive financial aid. He seems reluctant to do this, which I understand completely.
I also hate college, but this is my last year after years of fucking up. But this is a college town, and there are advantages to being in school:
1) readily available jobs on campus for students,
2) he might get his GI Bill back(not sure about the deets),
3) he will receive aid and continue toward his highly lucrative degree choice(EE),
I am just worried that he will use the money and not try to improve his situation. I don't think it's in his character, but I have helped my friends before and always end up feeling used.
Reddit am I doing the right thing? | Ex military friend is awesome, I think he deserves a second chance but I don't know if I'm doing the right thing, because he might just take the money and use it |
t3_2zl5ih | relationship_advice | Did I [F28] scare him[M32] away? | I have had a crush on a shy co-worker for a few months. He hasn't had a girlfriend for a longtime and he is a homebody. I work in a foreign country and his English isn't very good. We did not work directly with each other but we would always say hello to each other. During company dinners (where alcohol was involved) he has told me on a couple occasions that my eyes are beautiful, stunning, etc. At work he told that I'm very kind and I smile a lot. He also drove me home from work.
He recently changed jobs and works in another city. So we are no longer co-workers. Before he left I got his contact information. I've been texting him and he always would reply fairly quickly. I was visiting friends in his new city so I asked him if he wanted to meet. He quickly agreed but was worried about his English. Dinner between a man and a woman who are not dating is typically not done in this country.
He had to suddenly go to out of town day we were supposed meet (this is normal in this country) but he rescheduled and said he would pay for dinner. When he came back he drove straight to meet me (he didn't even go home first). We had a good time. He took me to a local landmark I wanted to see and took me to a restaurant where he paid for dinner. We were able to have a conversation just fine.
When he drove me back to where I was staying he told me to visit him when I come back to his new city. I'm sure this was a mistake but before I left he car I asked him if he remembered telling me he liked my eyes. and he yes. Then I asked if he liked me. He said "as a woman?" and I nodded. He then said he thought I was really good at my job. I told him "I like you" and he giggled and said "thank you." I then ran out of the car like it was on fire.
I texted a few days later just to say hi and ask him how he's doing. It's been over 24 hours and he still hasn't even read the text. I think he is quite busy with work but that's ridiculous. | Went to dinner with a shy former co-worker who I thought liked me and who speaks very little English. Confessed my feelings to him and he hasn't read my text for over a day. |
t3_2ftebm | relationships | I [20M] have a small fortune but my girlfriend [24F] of almost 2 years doesn't allow me to spend it. | So, I have about 1.3 million dollars in my savings account. This is a combination of my job, and from an inheritance from a deceased family member. My girlfriend is a down to earth person. She doesn't care about my money, and I know this because she's never once asked about it and didn't know about it prior to dating me or knowing me. We live together and split finances. Anyway, me being a younger man, want to buy a VERY expensive car. Price tag comes up to about $200,000 when it's all said and done. I have another vehicle and this would be a Sunday drive car. Just every once in a while. She said that I can't spend that much on a vehicle. I get where she's coming from, but at the same time it's my money. Any advice for me? Am I wrong to be upset with her for not allowing me to spend my money, however stupidly, on a car? Even though it's a lot of money? I make about 67K a year, and I plan on investing about 800K of my money in multiple CD's and stocks. (I'm no stranger to stocks. Made about 45K from them as of now.)
I just feel like I have plenty of money left over, and it wouldn't break our bank. Why not?
Also, sorry for being all over the place. I'm at work as well so I'm a tad distracted. | I want to buy a $200,000 car with part of my 1.3M dollars but my girlfriend won't let me. Says it's stupid to spend that much on a vehicle. |
t3_2m0kec | relationships | I (30M) am in love with my best friend (F28) but I have the best girlfriend possible. What to do? | When I was 18 I went on a trip and met this girl, who was 16 and we felt very comfortable with each other and finally became best friends. But I was slowly getting in love with her, while her signals where unconvincing in both ways. A few years later, when I was 22 and she was 20, something happened and we had a consented sexual "approach" (we got to second base) but it didn't go further. After that, she decided to break any contact with me for 8 years. We were the best friends, but there was always (or so I think) a subtle romantic tension.
A couple of months ago, I decided to email her a simple word to her old email account to see if she would replied to me. And she did. We started talking again and everything came back. Our conversations are full of "subtle winks", double senses, etc. And I feel like she knows I love her because some things she says but I can't be completely sure, everything is so strange... I have been in love with her even though I didn't see her in 8 years. I thought about her all the time and these years have been terrible to me without her.
Also, I met a girl a few months ago. She is completely in love with me, and I really liked her but I have come to the conclusion that I don't love her back. She is the best and she totally deserves somebody who loves her as much as she loves, but that person isn't me. I don't know how to tell her how I feel, she's soooo sweet and caring...
Should I openly tell my friend that I am madly in love with her at the risk of losing her friendship and get nothing? What should I do with my girlfriend? | Madly in love with old friend, not sure how she feels. Also, I have the best girlfriend, who loves me but I don't love her back. I don't deserve her to be honest. |
t3_3cfpeh | relationships | Me [25M] with my girlfriend [20F] been dating officially for a little over a month, has basically put a time limit on the relationship. I don't know what to think or do. | So I've been dating this girl for about two months, we've been official for only one, but exclusive the whole time. I found out via a conversation while hanging out with her and her friends that she's been accepted and will be transferring to a university about 1-1.5 hours from where I live. Since I found out I've known in the back of my head that this will be a major tipping point for our relationship, but didn't think too much about it, I figured if we were still going strong, we'd find a way to work through it, if not, we'd go our separate ways.
So last night were lying in bed talking about past relationships and breakups, and she says "at least our breakup will be easy." And at this point I don't know what she means so i ask. She says "well, we'll most likely break up when I move to the other school." I told her that while it wouldn't be violent or angry, it wouldn't be easy for me. I'm the type of person who develops strong bonds and this sort of thing would be devastating for me. The last thing she said before we called it a night was "don't think about it too much."
Unfortunately, I am thinking about it and it's tearing me up inside. I'm not sure if I should even continue to emotionally invest in the relationship if I'm just going to be torn apart when she leaves, and it sounds like, by saying what she did, she's imposing a pretty concrete limit and making it clear that this is her intention. Essentially distancing herself with words.
This is the sort of girl who never had a shortage of men. Her downtime between relationships is much much shorter than mine is (perhaps because she's at least an 8/10 and I'm closer to a 4/10). It seems as though it really will be easy for her, but I know in my heart that it will not be for me. I don't know what to do, I don't want to hurt myself more than I have to, and I feel like she's already partially broken my heart. | girlfriend seems to have imposed a hard limit on relationship, possibly as soon as 5-6 months, says it will be easy and that I shouldn't think too much about it. I'm totally lost. |
t3_1qkqw8 | relationships | Me [20 M] & [20 F] (very conservative) friend developing into more. Extremely unsure how to handle the situation. | Well, I'll try to keep this as to the point as possible.
Essentially, this girl has been my best friend since second semester of my Freshman year of university, so about a year & a half now. As long as I've known her, there's never been anything between the two of us. She's without a doubt, the most awesome girl I've met here, but I've never really considered it. She's super conservative Christian & I'm not. I am Christian, but I don't go to church often, I drink, smoke, & party. Pretty stereotypical college student I guess. She's the polar opposite-goes home every other week to attend church, has only drank once in her life, never been to a party. Pretty stereotypical "good girl".
Now, for the past three weeks or so, something's changed. I honestly have no idea when it happened, but it pretty quickly escalated from virtually no physical contact between us, to a whole lot. That's not the confusing part for me. I get that relationships between people are dynamic. Spend enough time around one person & you're probably going to develop feelings for them.
However, the thing that throws me off is where certain boundaries lie. For as long as I've known her, she's given me the vibe of super conservative. As in she would be the type that anything past light making-out would put her off. She's been *significantly* more...aggressive than that. Shirts off & hands everywhere after just a couple nights. It's not that I mind this at all, I'm just thrown off a bit. I don't know what is & isn't off-limits, mostly because she's already initiated way past where I expected her to be comfortable with.
---
Anyways, | Super conservative girl I've become more serious with the past few weeks is a lot more wild than she had led me to believe. Unsure what the boundaries are with her. |
t3_jhqof | AskReddit | What's your experience of ghosts? Do you believe in them? | I'm not particularly superstitious. But I know something weird happened one night.
Last year I suffered from severe depression, with, at its worst, bad panic attacks and agitation. My friend used to let me sleep over at her place when I was really upset to give me a break from my home and family. One night when I was feeling particularly irrational and unwell, I was over at her place again and slept beside her in her bed. In the middle of the night, I jolted awake, feeling that I had been asked a question and shouted out 'Yeah, Jo?' and there was her face (I thought it was), just there above mine, but then I turned my head and she was there beside me, fast asleep. Then that face disappeared. I think a door closed.
I don't remember too well because I was half-asleep, but the strangeness of it was still clear as day. It was a scary realisation when she was just there, sleeping, and the figure above me wasn't Jo. I just went back to sleep. I don't rule out that I hallucinated because I was so distressed, but despite my history of mental illness I have no real history of psychosis, or anything involving hallucination. I stand by having seen what I saw because the experience was so intense.
Six months later Jo said she saw the ghost too, just wandering across the living room, a transparent greeny-purple flash, a young girl that she only saw out of the corner of her eye. And she said the same thing, that she doesn't believe in ghosts, but she was what she saw. It's an old house, and we're both pretty unnerved about it, and love talking about it, but we were never all-out scared, funnily enough. | I saw a ghost staying at my friend's little old house. Six months later she saw it too. We both profess not to believe in ghosts. But we saw what we saw. |
t3_13mnvp | AskReddit | It's Thanksgiving and I just found out 2 days ago that my girlfriend of 5 years was cheating on me. I need your help Reddit. What do you do to make yourself feel better? What's so great about being single? Do you ever feel lonely when you're single? Is there really someone great out there? | So basically she cheated on me last week and has been flirting with the guy for awhile without me knowing. I feel so stupid for being so trusting. Now we're split and she's living with him all of a sudden and it really hurts. The last couple days have been some of the worst of my life. I can't sleep without nyquil or something similar, and to add on top of it all, I've been sick with a bad cough for about 2 weeks now. I had to change my number because she kept calling me and completely torturing me in front of the guy, saying just the worst things in the world to me for his benefit, then a couple hours later she would text me and say how she missed me so much. I can't close my eyes without picturing her physically with the other guy. It has been pure hell. | Girlfriend lived with me for 5 years, cheated on me, now lives with the guy and I just feel so alone. |
t3_3gbu54 | relationships | I (19F) just broke up with my first boyfriend (20M) of over a year. | Well I don't know, I guess I'm just looking for advice.
It was mutual. I didn't feel in love with him anymore. We are great friends but we are not a good match. We talked about it, decided to break up and then remembered good times and said our goodbyes.
We both wanna be friends, but we know it's probably gonna be months until we can be alone with each other.
So yeah. That's it. I feel like shit and I don't know what to do with myself. He was a great guy, best boyfriend I've ever had. I just wish I had met him later in life. Like in ten years from now. He was my first everything and I feel like I have a lot of growing up to do.
Please tell me stories about your breakups. How can I deal with this? How long should I avoid contact with him? Are you friends with any of your exes? | Broke up with boyfriend of over a year. He was my first everything. It was mutual. What to do now? |
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