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t3_1cv95o | relationships | Is my GF(18) crazy or Me(20)?[FIXED] | My **gf(18)** started taking **birth control almost a month ago(3 month relationship; ongoing)**. A couple days after she started shes been less happy, more tired, and completely pissed, at **me(20)** thou. She claims everything I do is wrong and always my fault. If I bring the thought of maybe its the pills she rages on me. She tells me I'm lucky if she lets me even see her. I ask her what I do that is wrong but its always 'everything'. She hasn't went through a full day without getting at me for something random even if I wasn't there. She seems to **only attack me** with this anger and lately its so emotional it's making me want to leave but I do love her. Even a happy "I love you text" once in a while is **now considered 'CLINGY'**. She never started this way. I'm hoping it's the pills because I don't want to leave her. Any ideas? | Dating for 3 months. Changed 25ish days ago after starting Birth Control. Blames me for all her issues & emotions. m20 f18 |
t3_plu7e | loseit | Too much too soon (oh how I hate my back, a cautionary tale) | First off, I love this subreddit and it has gotten me through some very dark days and nights.
The most I ever weighed was 410lbs. I'm 6'4" and 28 years old. I've always had a bad back but I've been seeing a chiropractor for the last 5-6 years, mainly as preventative care. Throwing my back out has happened a few times in the past and I was always told that losing weight would be good for my back what with the less weight I'd be carrying around.
I had a major health scare in the beginning of October. Checked into the ER with a 190/120 blood pressure late on Sunday and by Tuesday night I went and was admitted for losing feeling in the left side of my body. Tests aside it all looked like blood pressure. So I got prescribed beta blockers to help with blood pressure and anxiety, which also helped my hypoglycemia.
In the months that have followed, I've officially been scared straight and have avoided the drive-thru. My friends, family, and coworkers all can tell there's a major difference in how I look (my fiance' likes that I snore less). I eat better, smaller servings and rarely go out at all for food. I'm now down to 340 and moving fast from 405 the night of the first ER visit (65 pounds!!!!!)
BUT... I didn't do a lot of exercise or do much in the way of strengthening my core. And with all that weight gone and my bad posture still happening, I threw out my back something fierce. There was no support for my bones so I'm pinching so many nerves that I'm constantly icing and twitching. New doc is beating me and getting things to move and open up again, but if I have one piece of advice to those losing weight and quickly - strengthen your core! you do not want to be as miserable as I have been for the last week! | lost 65 pounds in 5 months after a major health scare. lost the weight but didn't do much to build muscle in my back so it collapsed something awful. please strengthen your core when losing a ton of weight. |
t3_51bjze | Advice | Feeling trapped | Hey everyone, this is probably going to be very long winded.
In my religious community I've always had problems with my peers, I never really fit in with any of them. They gossiped, tried to be cool, and did some illegal and questionable things. Years later I finally decided to tell my parents that I couldn't be around them anymore. Fast forward to present day and I decided to try to be around the religious community again because I ended up dating a girl (although from a different city) that was part of the same religious community. Long story short after a year I got dumped, and now she is spreading all of my personal business and disrespecting me (also made things up saying I had an STD and a mental health issue, which to my and my doctor's knowledge are not true). I get that relationships are two-sided and I made mistakes as well, but I digress. In the religious community, I am constantly being teased and talked about negatively because of these things. I have slipped up and let my temper get the best of me by talking back to these people and now I am feeling exactly the way I did as a child. I want to know how to not let my temper get the better of me, forget about what these people say and think about me, and get on with my life and be happy. I'm tired of being around questionable and outright immature people. Sorry if this comes across as whiny, I just don't want to deal with this anymore. I acknowledge my own mistakes with losing my temper and speaking negatively about them as well, I'm asking where to go from here. | 19 y/o male being ostracized because I'm different/don't want to take people's garbage anymore. Tired of feeling bad about myself. Success stories from people with similar situations/happy people would be appreciated. |
t3_53tiuy | relationships | Me [22 M] with guy I was seeing [27 M] 1M, being friends after casually dating - how to go about this? | I met this guy a little over a month ago intending to have a one-off hookup but had a strong connection so we went out for about a month but I guess we both could sense the romantic "spark" going away after the initial infatuation period, so we eventually stopped seeing each other (without explicitly saying so, we just stopped texting/ making plans to meet up).
It's been about week since we texted and two since we've met. I guess I do miss hanging out with him because we have a lot of fun when we do, and I have virtually no gay friends. About a week before our last meeting he suggested we stopped dating and maybe see each other as friends but I insisted we try dating for a bit longer, then it sort of ended a week after. I want to reach out to him as a friend but I don't want to come off as if I want to get back together with him/ am playing games/ creepy.
Should I just send a really casual "Hey bud, how's it going" text? | Dating didn't work out with this guy, but I'm interested in being friends with him. How do I go about it? |
t3_hq15r | AskReddit | Any redditors have extensive knowledge of California labor law break policy? | I was recently fired from the restaurant I worked at for over a year and was denied unemployment, so I am considering suing or filing a claim with the state to recover lost wages. Our break policy included no 10 minute breaks which I believe are mandatory after 4 hours, and for our 30 minute meal periods we simply signed a sheet saying we took a break and the managers would edit our time sheet to include a 30 minute break. If we did not sign anything they would edit the time sheet anyway and I have evidence of this (printout receipts with hours worked one day and later that week with a break edited in.) They never added time to the end of my shift so we ALWAYS lost time off the clock. At least other server also has receipts saved like me. This would typically happen at least twice a week, while the absence of 10 minute breaks was daily. If anyone has advice feel free to discuss! | Got fired, My company violated break policy, should I sue, file a claim with the state, or do something else? |
t3_3gdd2g | relationships | Me [18M] in the beginnings of a relationship with Jane [19 F], have stronger feelings for friend Dani [19 F]. How do I end it well with Jane? | SO over the summer I've been talking to a friend (let's call her Dani) from my college course through facebook. We were already good friends at the start of summer and have become even better friends after talking a lot online. I've had a crush on her since I met her and it's only now that I feel I can make things happen with her in a month when college starts back.
The reason as to why I feel I can make things happen is also the source of my problem. You see three weeks ago I'd sent Dani a long message (our conversations always consisted of each of us sending walls of text). Yesterday she replied with yet another wall of text, told me she'd been working and kept forgetting to reply. I understood I've often done that as well so no biggie we continued talking as we had previously.
AND now here's where the problem begins. In this three week period I hooked up with a friend of mine, whom we'll call Jane, and began to have feelings for her. Just last week we found that we both liked each other and decided to see where things go, "nothing serious" to quote her. Anyway then just yesterday after Dani got back in contact with me I came to the realisation that I have much stronger feelings for Dani than I do for Jane, although I still care for Jane a great deal and appreciate her friendship immensely.
So my question is this, how do I end and properly explain things to Jane while keeping our friendship relatively intact. | In the beginnings of a relationship with Jane, have much stronger feelings for Dani. How do I end it with Jane but keep her friendship? |
t3_4sisce | relationships | Me [23F] with my new SO [23 M] of 3ish weeks, great beginning now being haulted by anxiety | I (23F) have very recently started seeing a guy (23M), as in we've been seeing each other for a little over 3 weeks. From the day we met it's been like a whirlwind of feelings and just instantly falling for each other. Out of the 25 days since our first date, we've probably seen each other in some capacity (dinner, hiking, me staying at his place, etc) 20 of those days. We expressed we both felt like we were falling hard for each other.
This all changed this weekend when his anxiety flared up and he realized how scared he is to be in a relationship. His ex-fiance broke up with him in February, but he assures me I'm not a rebound. I truly have fallen for this guy and want to be with him.
I'm curious if anyone has been in this situation of a very passionate honeymoon period crashing down? How did you handle it? | falling hard for a guy who all of a sudden is scared to be in a relationship, after three amazing weeks together. Any tips? |
t3_1pfs4e | relationships | I [16/M] is growing feelings for another girl, still want to be with my girlfriend [16/F] | I know this is probably just your typical teenage hormone problem, but I would really like an outside perspective from others who have been there before.
I have been with my girlfriend for over a year; we were each other's first time and have many memories together. However, we seem to argue semi-regularly, which I think is slightly more than usual than is healthy.
Lately, I've grown feelings for another girl I met this year; she's a lot different from my girlfriend. My girlfriend has no knowledge of this.
I love my girlfriend very much still; however I think we fight more than usual and maybe has a short temper with me. Maybe I like the idea of the chase and something knew. I don't want to settle for less than I deserve, but I don't know what I really want. It would break my girlfriend's heart if I went through with it and I want to avoid hurting anyone, I feel so guilty. Has anyone been here before? | Developing feelings for other girl, conflicted about what to do and want to avoid hurting anyone's feelings. Neither girls know. |
t3_1fk4ja | relationships | I (22F) am uncomfortable with my SO (25M) female friend. More in post. | I don't really know how to begin this, but all I can say now is that I really don't like the fact my boyfriend still talks to a girl he was after months ago before we started dating. yes they're friends, but I don't like it. Have I expressed my opinion? no. Only because he's the combative type and will come back at me saying I talk to my other guy friends.
Also, we have been dating for 8 months.
However the difference is not only have I actually stopped completely, but I basically dropped of the face of the Earth and don't respond to them. Not only that but I make him aware of if one of them is trying to contact me in any way, shape or form just so he knows. Even the creepy co workers I have to deal with. He knows everything that goes on in my personal life.
The reason I quit talking to all of my male friends was because he told me about his past exes and how they'd go off and hang out with their guy friends and cheat on him. Do I believe him? Of course. I have no reason not to anyhow. I respect his opinion enough and I really care about him and his feelings.
How I found out was just by glancing at his monitor from time to time, just out of curiosity of what he would be looking at. That or he would mention he has to send something like some kind of unimportant picture or message about nothing to this girl. He's glued to his phone 24/7, even when we're having alone time and I can't stand it. I definitely can't stand that it goes off most of the time we're hanging out.
My mood definitely changes when he mentions anything about her and he knows I get mad or upset, but he can never figure out why. I just come up with a bullshit excuse that I don't feel well. Why do I lie about this? Because I don't know how to really tell him how I feel.
People of reddit, what do you guys have to say about this? I need advice. This is only my second relationship. | BF still talks to girl he was chasing months before we got together. I'm uncomfortable with the situation even though she is in a state miles and miles away with no chance of ever coming back. What should I do if anything? |
t3_1rb6e4 | relationships | My boyfriend [25 M] compares my body to other women :( let me know if I'm overreacting! | Hey redditors!
This is my first post, so here goes.
My boyfriend and I [27 F] have been dating for a year..and although things have been a bit rocky lately... But yesterday we had a pretty bad fight. We've been dating a year.
Before getting into this relationship, I always knew he had a thing for big butts. I'm a skinny lady with big boobs but a tiny butt :( it wasn't an issue until he started sending me links of girls with big butts recently. I'm talking like competitions of women competing to see who had the biggest/curviest butt and videos of girls with huge butts twerking and shakin it. Each time, he'd comment how great the butt looked and continually praise and stare at them, transfixed. Did I also mention he'd browse reddit and show me photos of butts, and say how nice they were? Sigh, first world problems....
I suppose the issue is he never tells me that I'm pretty/beautiful or just generally give me any compliments of the sort. So it sort of bugs me that he's continually praising random strangers butts and never compliments me at all.
I talked to him about this, and he sort of told me I was pretty and he'd never do it again....that was pretty much it. I'm not sure why, but I'm looking for more than that since I feel inferior to all these women he always points out have something I don't have...and probably never will. (Hooray low self esteem!!) This is also because I always praise the guy and tell him how cute he is :/
Am I overreacting? Is it just low self esteem? Should I not expect any more than just the apology? It's bugging me a lot since I really care about this guy but I'm not sure if I should continue seeing him since it sounds like he's not happy with my body.
At least he's making me breakfast.. | My boyfriend shows me photos/videos of other women's butts and compliments them but never compliments me. When confronted, promised never to do it again, but I wonder if I should leave him. |
t3_4mu40x | relationships | I [F29] am concerned about my best friends [F23] decision to get back with her ex | so I live with 2 girls, 1 of them is my closest friend, she was with a guy [27] throughout the majority of last year, he is kind of a mutual friend but not in close circles.
Anyway I was never a fan to begin with (something about him) but they split at the end of last year because he cheated on her with several people from his and her work.
She was devastated understandably, she dumped him then, she was in a bad way but managed to move on, after about 3/4 months she started seeing someone for a few weeks, he seemed genuinely nice and certainly cared for her. although it was early days they seemed really great together. Her ex, heard about them though our circle of friends, he apparently started pleading for her back through text.
yup....she went back, she ditched the nice guy, for the guy who broke her heart. now i know its her choice, and ive told her i feel she is making a big mistake, but i understand I cant make her not be with him, so ive not pushed too hard.
they have been pretty good together since they have got back, about 2 months now, he has been very romantic and thoughtful, pretty much the guy she fell in love with. they are currently on holiday together in europe.
but I simply dont trust him. when he broke her heart the first time, she was in pieces, I had many sleepless nights comforting her, i had her mother on the phone, had her ex trying to contact me and things like that.
I can just see it happening again, but this time it will be worse. Ive told her how i feel about him when they first got together a second time, but she has gone head first into it again.
although ive left her to it, its effecting our relationship, she has pretty much ditched myself and the rest of our friendship group and started hanging with his alot more. again this is her choice but its all a bit sad she is giving up good friends, potentially a great guy (the guy she left for the ex) just to please this guy who cheated on her.
simply unsure what to do? | best friend went back to ex who broke her heart, i can see it happening again, what as a friend can i do? |
t3_qnqnf | AskReddit | Hey reddit, this girl I've been seeing for a week is having a potentially fatal reaction to some medication, her family is coming to town to be with her. Should I visit her in the hospital or give them some time? | We've only known each other a week. We met online and hit it off. Great first date, and we've hung out a few nights since then. We text each other quite a bit during the day.
It's been pretty awesome but its all so new. She started getting these strange blisters and bumps on her arms and she went to the doctor. They told her that its a reaction to her medication and to stop taking it. She did, but they've kept going and started spreading up her arms to her back and legs. She has to keep cleaning them and she is scared that i'm disgusted with her (not the case at all).
The issue is that its started to get even worse now and she is going to go to the hospital with her sister. Her mom is waiting to hear what the doctor has to say and will be flying down. Her aunts are coming as well.
This is all new to me, I'm just kinda the guy shes seeing now (even though we've hit it off really well and are interested only in each other), but i don't know if its boyfriend status.
I am completely ok with meeting her family, im just not sure right now is the time to do it. It's obviously a stressful situation for her and her family, and I think me being there is just more shit added to the fire.
How do I go about handling this situation? Do I go visit? Do I just send flowers? Do I just wait it out? | Met girl a week ago, having bad reaction to meds and is in hospital with family. Do I visit during this stress filled mess or give them time to themselves? |
t3_28g0f9 | relationships | My GF is afraid of her feelings for me... should I stay or go? | Basically I've [22M] had a GF [20F] about a year now and I'm in love with her.. but yesterday we had a talk about our relationship and why we do certain things and what we could do to be better bf/GF to each other.
So anyways she told me she's too laid back in the relationship and she's not bothered to do certain things for me and that she feels lazy. I noticed this before but I thought that was just how she was (I did mention it a couple of times but she didn't listen)
But anyway turns out the reason she was being laid back was because her previous relationship was terrible to say the least and she told me how she's scared to have feelings for me or to be in love with me because last time she fell in love she got hurt. Not just emotionally but physically too... and she doesn't know how long it would take for her to get over that. She even told me how I've proven to her many times that I'm not a bad guy but she's still scared none the less.
I think it's ironic cos when I was a teenager I broke some girls hearts and now I have a girl who is broken... she doesn't trust me with her emotions.l, she never tells me how she feels until yesterday but I literally had to force it out of her. What hurts the most is that she didn't say this before. She assured me that she was over what happened but she's not.
I'll feel like a prick if I leave cos that's not fair to her but at the same time if I stay she won't open up to me and she'll be scared to have feelings for me. I've changed since I was a teenager and Actually love this girl and can see myself marrying her but if she's afraid to have feelings for me how can i? Can I be with someone who's scared to love again? | My girlfriend of one year is scared to love again due to being hurt badly by her last boyfriend. Dunno why she didn't tell me in the beginning. Is it worth sticking in there and waiting for her or should I bail? |
t3_37pnul | relationships | How do I [21M] approach this situation with my close friend [20F]? | Hey r/relationships,
So I'm in the midst of a dilemma right now about this girl. This past school semester, she went to study abroad in France and just came back this week. I've known her pretty well since November of last year, and we've went out to dinner and movie a couple of times before she left.
Needless to say, I've really missed her the past 5 months. I really enjoyed the time that we spent just hanging out before she left. I just don't know how she feels about me.
Now, we've pretty much talked every day she was overseas (5 months) and she's coming to visit me for a weekend this summer. When she comes down to visit, do you think I should ask her out on a straight-up date, or ask her how she feels about the two of us and then go on from there?
Thanks! | Been talking to a girl extensively for 5 months. Knew her well before she went abroad, and now she's back. Ask her out or ask how she feels about us? |
t3_138sij | relationship_advice | [22/f] My boyfriend [22/m] says he doesn't feel as passionately for me as I do, but yet is still in love with me. Will he ever? | My boyfriend (22M) told me that he doesn't feel as passionately about me as I(22F) do him and that he doesn't know if he has the capacity to be as passionate as I am. Dating over a year. Says he's in love with me, but not to the "degree" that I am in love with him. Am I wrong to think that he will develop that passion over time? Will he ever be in love with me like I am with him?
Both graduating college soon, he's starting a job. I'm more of the romantic because I'm the girl, so that's understandable. He says he WANTS to feel like I do for him, but just doesn't know if he's capable. Is it wrong to believe that he is capable, and that I want to stay with him and find out? | Boyfriend doesn't feel as in love as I do. Dating a year. Graduating college soon. Is this a problem? |
t3_4jd25g | relationships | me (28f)having health anxiety about sex with my ex (35m) | So after my ex dumped me last year in January I was left completely heartbroken. The fact that he left me three weeks after an abortion triggered an enormous depression.
I then found out in April that during breaks in our relationship he had been meeting transsexuals and crossdressers online for sex.
Stupidly I continued to sleep with him unprotected amidst claims from him that he hadn't been with anyone but me for a year (since the last break) and had been tested multiple times and it'd been fine.
I got myself tested a few times and was fine, the last test was in June I think.
I continued to sleep with him until August. We stopped meeting up in September kind of time but are still in touch a bit. He still always mentions that he hasn't been with anyone but me for years.
I went through an awful bout of depression at the beginning of this year where I wasn't eating or sleeping. I got on medication and got myself back on my feet but recently have been suffering with shingles infection.
I looked online and saw that it's very unusual for someone of my age to have shingles and is normally caused by low immunity from being rundown or from HIV.
The doctor presumed I have low immunity from the bout of depression but now I'm starting to panic.
I'm going to get myself tested ASAP but I guess I want to talk about how stupid I was to continue sleeping with him knowing about his exploits.
I'm very open-minded and not transphobic or homophobic but from the health studies I've seen online trans folk sadly have the highest percentage of HIV infection in the population.
How could I continue to put myself at risk knowing this about him?
Maybe hes been telling the truth though and has only slept with me since 2014? What do you guys think? | my ex slept with multiple transexuals and crossdressers during 2014. He swears he hasn't been with anyone but me since then. Recently been suffering with low immunity, am I very at risk? |
t3_3wp7md | askwomenadvice | (20M) I Met a Girl and I'm Smitten with Her, but I'm Not Sure about how to Approach Her | Greetings again,
Recently, I have been troubled. I am a college student living on campus, and on a regular basis, I eat in one of the campus cafeterias. Over the past few weeks, on Tuesdays and Thursdays, when I go to eat lunch at the cafeteria after my first class in the morning, I have often seen this girl eating lunch at the same time as me.
The first time I saw her, I was in the midst of a conversation at a table with two of my friends, and I was struck dumb.
Last Tuesday, I finally worked up the courage to talk to her and introduce myself. This was made more difficult by the fact that she is always sitting with a group of friends. The conversation was pleasant, and she didn't seem at all bothered or uncomfortable.
Then, last Thursday, I ran into her there again, and we talked again. Once again, it was pleasant and friendly, and she seemed smiling and at relative ease, though I was frankly pretty terrified on the inside.
How do I proceed from here? I really like her, but I'm afraid of coming on too strongly and scaring her away. Any help would be greatly appreciated. | I met a girl and am smitten with her. We've only talked twice. How do I go about approaching her from here? |
t3_4rxrmm | personalfinance | Negotiations with credit company? | I read the rules and didn't see anything about not posting this but please delete if I'm in the wrong place.
Hello! My significant other owes about 19k on a credit card. We recently took a financial hit and make a lot less. We're moving in an apartment that is about $600 less a month then we pay currently so pretty soon we'll have that available to put towards the bill.
Everything we have currently pay on is necessary to survival(car payment, phone service, food, apartment) and we just plain don't have the funding to allot to the credit card until we move. I don't have debt and his credit card debt happened before we started seeing each other.
My question is how to negotiate with the credit company(navy fed) that will make them happy and avoid taking food out of my mouth? | we owe 19k and can't afford to pay on it for a few months. How do we make navy fed happy with what we have? |
t3_3ruhxe | relationships | I (22f) found out I have an abnormal pap - inappropriate to ask my gyn boss (5??f) for advice? | Went for my annual gyn visit this past Monday and had a pap smear done. Called this afternoon for the results and my gynecologist told me that I have abnormal results (mild dysplasia, LGSIL) and that she wants me to come in for a colposcopy (basically a biopsy of the cervix). I work as a medical assistant at an OB/Gyn practice and one of my duties is to look at abnormal pap results for each patient and make sure they have been notified and have scheduled a return visit with their doctor depending on the type of abnormality. For someone my age (22) with LGSIL the ASCCP guidelines recommend a repeat pap in 12 months, not a colposcopy. I scheduled one anyway but I'm unsure if maybe I'm jumping the gun a little bit.
I told my parents and they said that I should ask my boss (who is an gynecologist) if having this procedure done is the right move to make. I'm not sure if that is inappropriate or not? She has taught me everything that I know, is very kind and likes me a lot, but I'm still a little apprehensive. I had to take some time off of work to have the procedure, so she knows something is going on but she doesn't know what. | Have an abnormal pap, gyn scheduled a procedure that might be unnecessary. I'm a medical assistant, my boss is a gyn, should I ask her if I really need it done? |
t3_3zafsi | personalfinance | Any Advice for someone mentoring a friend that has a long road of debt management ahead of him? | I recently offered my help to a colleague of mine on how to help set himself up on a budget and attack his $150k in student loans (MFA Degree), $10k in CC debt and and $4k in IRS tax bill. (I am a former CPA and myself have managed to dig my way out of poor planning and PF decisions).
In short, he has made a series of PF mistakes when it comes to taxes and credit cards, and racked up a hefty loan going to grad school in a very expensive city.
Trouble is, his now stable paycheck can barely pay for his current living situation and minimum payments and his feeling of hopelessness is palpable. We meet monthly and I keep trying to show him that there is light at he end of the tunnel and it's not an oncoming train. He admittedly still continues to make spending mistakes but I think it's a "fuck it it's so bad what's another $50 bar tab" approach. I admit that on his current salary and additional income, it will take awhile for him to get above water and he's not the most "long term focused" guy.
Next week I'm going to approach the idea of him cutting up his CC and perhaps doing a balance transfer to a 0% for 12 months offer.
What im really looking for here is how to keep him focused and motivated to stay the course. Like many of my friends, he gets intimidated by this large amount of money that he owes. | Friend has too much debt and is losing hope that it will get better. Any wise words of advice or quick wins that will help keep him focused? |
t3_12xlqb | tifu | TIFU by melting plastic. | So I was ironing a shirt I needed to be a part of a crew for a show tonight. I put the iron down on a plastic drawer thing I have for no more than five seconds as I smoothed out the shirt. I take it off and then notice the goo coming up.
I panic and try to clean it. Its hard, some of it gets on my bed and now I'm in full panic mode. I also need to get to close in twenty minutes and I haven't showered.
So, in panic mode, I try to iron again...not noticing the goo on the bottom of the iron. It gets all over my shirt, my favorite, nicest looking shirt.
I curse out and freak out. I spend twenty minutes washing it off, no avail. Late for class. Double fuck. I clean the iron and try peeling it off, still ruined.
In all of this, I miss another deadline. I needed to drop off some movies by 8 am or I have to replace them. So that's 75 dollars each for 4 movies. I was going right before class starts.
I eventually just take a shower in shame and let my shirt sit there with bits of plastic on it all solidified and deal with my fate. Yup. | Accidentally melted a part of a plastic bin, now have to pay for drycleaners and missed a bunch of deadlines...cause that's life. |
t3_2i8bia | relationships | Me [19 M] with my ex [18 F] of five months, I can't get over not knowing why she did some things | Hi, Reddit. A couple of weeks ago (after having asked more than once, and she would just say something along the lines of "Stop overanalyzing, and let it go.") she finally agreed to answer questions that I have about why she took a month to break up, even though she'd already made it sort of clear that she wanted to, about a month before. She then, again, said to just ******* stop, and that she has the right to make decisions without having to tell me everything.
I agree with her, but I can never, ever stop wondering why she did some things. Please DON'T tell me to "Just let it go/Move on," because I can't. I started Tweeting at the college she's attending, putting her name in it (that might not be a good thing to do, but I'm so desperate), in an attempt do have your agree to answer my questions. Please, I'd like help. | My ex doesn't want to answer questions that I have, about why she did some things, and I'm super desperate to know. |
t3_32exjd | relationships | I [F23] need some advice for starting a tough convo with my BF [M25] of 1 1/2 years. | Background: I've been together with Steve for a while now. It's great and we both love each other. He's the first guy I've dated that actually treats me with the love and respect that I want. Due to busy schedules we can only see each other 1 or 2 days out of the week mostly weekends.
Situation:
I'm finishing up my B.A. at a University and he's working on his Associates at a community college but he's taking some time off because of problems with the V.A. and he doesn't have time to deal with or so he says. The other day he said once I finish college he wants us to move in together. I'm okay with that but the bigger problem is that right now I have a job as a nanny making pretty decent money. It might end around August and I'll graduate around Dec. I know I won't get the greatest paying job with my degree in Psych but it'll be something and I want to save up for grad school before I go. He works at a Car shop kind of like a Midas or Jiffy Lube. He barely makes enough to live on his own. He says he wants to be a marine biologist but he hasn't been back to school in a year and he hasn't gotten any experience with animals. He is sort of in a rut which I understand.
Question: How do I begun the discussion of telling him I want more from him financially speaking? I want financial stability for my future. I'm not saying I want a billionaire or someone making six figures. I want someone who wants the same goals as I do. But I don't want to come off as a gold digger or that he's doing a shit job and needs to be a better person. He is an amazing person with a job with no financial stability for a future with someone. I don't want to have to be financially responsible for myself and someone else when we're not even married. Any advice would help. If need more details you can ask and I'll try to answer. | Need advice on how to begin a conversation with SO that if he wants to move in with me he needs to be more financially stable without coming off as a bitch or gold digger. |
t3_3m65g4 | relationships | I'm (m18) lost on what to do. My girlfriend (f17) for 6 months never liked physical contact an she told me the reason why. | Sorry if theirs a lot of mistakes I'm typing it of my phone an i feel tired. I've (18m) been dating this girl (17f) for 6 months now. In the beginning i noticed she pulled away a lot when i would try to go in for a kiss or a hug. When i asked she told me she doesn't like any of that so I've stopped. There's been times where she told me she has a secret an she wants too tell me but cant. I could tell whatever it was it mad her sad.
Tonight we were texting about how dumb i acted when we first kissed, and how i should've got the hint when she would back off. She told me she doesn't care anymore if i kiss her or not and how she doesn't feel anything. I said "but you have emotions". She asked me if i ever wondered why she doesn't like physical contact an i said ya. She told me why. She told me how she was born in mexico an lived with her grandma and family on her dads side. One night when the grandma would was out with friends she woke up naked in her uncles room an how he would molest her and how this went on for a while.
This is my reply back:
I'm so sorry something like this happened to you and having to deal with it for so long I'm sorry you went through that torture thank you for telling me it must of been really hard even putting it to words.
I don't know what i should do or how i can help her. It makes me sad how she said she doesn't feel anything but what she's been through. I'm lost an i don't know what i should do. Ima see her tomorrow should i act normal. | my girlfriend has problems with physical contact an emotional problems. An she explained why an i don't know how i can help her. But i want to do anything i can to help in any way. |
t3_btkd8 | AskReddit | AskReddit: My girlfriend has bipolar disorder. Please give me some insight so that I may better understand how to support her. | This is a throwaway account.
First off, I love my girlfriend more than anything, but she has bipolar disorder as well as a terrifying temper. I want to be there for her, but I don't even remotely understand what she is going through. I realize I probably never will, but if there is anything I should know that might make me more capable in supporting her, please do share.
We tend to get into fights over petty things, usually because she gets angry really fast, and instead of just apologizing, I get defensive. Yes, I am stupid. I mention this mostly because it tends to happen when she is going through an episode. She has tried before to explain to me what it is like, and she has told me that she just needs me to hold her and be kind to her. I honestly try to do this, but the things she says and does to me during one of these episodes will often make me too angry. I find myself being annoyed and angry with her when these episodes occur, not due to the episodes themselves, but purely due to
the fact that I always seem to be the cause (not necessarily the root cause, but the catalyst, at least). I realize I shouldn't be taking the blame for this, rationally, I understand that if I were not the catalyst, something else would be. But even when I attempt to rationalize it, I can't help feeling that maybe I'm just not good enough for her. I fuck things up way more than I should.
I would really appreciate your advice, Reddit. I want to be there for her, but right now I just don't understand how to. | Girlfriend is bi-polar and hot-tempered. Help me understand her disorder so I can be more supportive. |
t3_1je373 | relationships | Me[21M] damaged from past abusive relationship, need advice | So, I started dating this girl when I was 16. She was everything I wanted (at the time), and we were head over heels in love. That kind of thing where you spend every minute of every day together. Puppy dog, high school love, to be sure.
Fast forward three years, and she's moving away for reasons beyond her control. Eventually, she admitted to infidelity while away. I forgave her, and she abused me. She told me I was shit. She abused me, but gave me just enough love so that I would do whatever she wanted (IE her homework, papers, give her emotional support). She even lied, told me her best friend (who she was having sex with) was gay, and then hooked up with a bunch of guys.
Twist: I believed she really was sorry, and proposed to her. Many friends advised me not to do so, but I disregarded them, and ended up losing their friendships.
Eventually, she blocked my phone and started hooking up with a college guy, only calling when she needed my support, which I gave, willingly.
She eventually broke up with me (the best thing that could have happened), and I was depressed for quite some time. But now, I'm convinced I'm better off without her.
However, I have had two relationships since then, the latter of which was the perfect relationship. I ended up throwing them both away because I'm too scared. Not to get hurt, not to be hurt, but rather to get close to someone. I can't commit anymore because I'm afraid, and I don't know why. It is honestly destroying all my relationships.
Advice?
If anyone is interested, (none of my posts have ever gotten seriously noticed, so I don't post a lot) I could tell more about my ex or relationships since then, let me know. | GF of four years cheats on me, lies, abuses, etc; now I'm unable to conduct a serious relationship. |
t3_1guvzk | relationships | I (24m) am unhappy because of less sex and hurt her (22f) feelings. 1 1/2 year Relationship. | Hey people! Longtimelurker and sometimesposter needs your help.
I have been in a happy relationship with a girl for about 18 months now. Sex is an important part in a relationships for me and I was always happy with our sexlife. We had it often and were both open for new things.
We see each other 3-6 days a week and had sex most of the time we saw each other. But her libido dropped. We haven't had sex for about a month now. Normally we are both very sexual and really enjoy it. But her libido has dropped and I have no idea why. I tried talking to her about it a few times. I asked her if things got boring or if she is does not feel comfortable any more. I wanted to know if there are any problems in the relationship and if she feels unhappy. The only answer I get is "I don't know why I am not in the mood." or a shrug.
If I try to initiate she even lets me go at it. But she is not getting aroused when i touch/lick/suck ear neck boobs etc... Also not getting wet! I tell her it is ok and stop. One time this month she even initiated but stopped when she realized it is not working for her.
Today I told her that I read on the internet there is a chance that people stop having sex with their SO when they are seeing someone behind their back. I asked her if she is getting it somewhere else.
That made her cry and disappointed. She can't understand how I can even think of her cheating.
She is right with this. She is very loyal and gives me no reason to think is cheating.
I don't know what to do now. She is sad and disappointed – I didn't want to hurt her and feel guilty. And I worry about the sex in future.
On a sidenot, she is on birthcontrol for many years and didn't change the pill. | Almost no sex for a month, I don't know what to do and why it is like it is, I hurt her feelings by saying something stupid. |
t3_2mij76 | relationships | My friend [18F] is upset about her previous boyfriend and is destroying our relationship. | Well I have to begin by saying that my friend is out of a long relationship. She has been in the relationship on and off for 3 years. She broke up with him 4 or 5 months ago. She has a crush on me and vice versa.
Unfortunately the guy she broke up with insulted her to the point of her breaking into tears. I spent a whole night consolling her. I know bravo(sarcasm).
We went out later the next day with a bunch of friends whom she invited. Well she basically ignored me to high heaven and instead started speaking to one of the guys. I didn't mind that as she was pretty depressed and needed someone to talk to. Then stuff got progressively worse.
Some more friends came over and she started taking weed. I amn't against weed at all but she was just using it as an excuse to run away from her problems.
*Note: I will say that she talked to me very rarely at this point. And the only reason we talked was because I was trying to start a conversation.
Anyway we went on through the night and I was getting agitated. We went to an arcade. I tried to be a nice guy and have fun as well. Then she went to the gambling section of the arcade. She was with the guy friend and this was just stupid. I was only there because she asked me to go.
I left. There wasn't anything for me to do. I couldn't watch the person I really like indulge in these acts because of how depressed they were. I've never kissed her because she doesn't kiss guys often. I don't know what to do. | A girl I like does weed and gambles to comfort herself from her exboyfriend whom insulted her. I can't handle her abusing herself and left. I don't know what to do. |
t3_3yg3xx | relationships | How do I [22 M] revise for my finals after a break up with [22 F], while now also going through depression? | The breakup is just one of my issues at the moment, the others just seem to be mounting up. But I currently can't eat, sleep, I sporadically break down in tears for no real reason, I'm throwing up and I just feel very lonely all the time.
I have my finals coming up at the end of the week and I just can't seem to prepare. Every time I study I just end up crying. I don't live on campus and my nearest library is too far to get to. I need to knuckle down but I don't know how! | I think I'm going through depression and my finals are coming up. Every time I study I break down. How can I overcome this? |
t3_4iwrd0 | relationships | Me [21F] with my boyfriend [22M], life in general. Need to get out but have no where to go. | I've been with my boyfriend for 2.5 years. at first he was everything I could have imagined and wanted, then he started to not care about our relationship nearly as much as I did. Took away my self confidence, my independence, my happiness. And now I am more depressed than I've ever been. I live 3 hours from home, at college, I have a job here and I am a full time student this summer so I can't just up and leave. My parents don't have the money to help me out very much, groceries here and there but that's it, and I barely have enough money for rent and bills. We live together. I don't know anyone else staying here for the summer that I could live with and I don't know anyone who could sublease for me so I could move. I don't have the money to pay for two places but I need to get away from him. I've never felt that things weren't worth it but lately I've been feeling that way and I'm scared to be alone and by myself. Therapy hasn't worked for me, I tried for about a year. I don't know what else to do. I feel as if life would be easier for everyone around me if they didn't have to deal with me. Does anyone have advice on what I could do to make myself feel a bit better until my lease is up in August? I'm sorry this is short and choppy and brief. | boyfriend sucks, I live with him and can't really go anywhere else, at my last breaking point. Need advice. |
t3_10fryp | relationships | I [25M] found out GF [22F] tried to get back togheter with EX while we were split up | Me and my GF of a year split up for 3 week weeks half a year ago.
She went trough a rough time which I figured was the reason of us being appart.
Today I found out that when we were split up (this was 5 months ago) se talked with her EX. This guy has acted like an idiot, harassed her and caused alot of trouble in the beginning of our relationship.
It makes me feel like a second choice now that I know and I don't know if I would have gotten back togheter with her if I had known back then.
Am I being crazy about this as we are perfectly happy at the moment or is this relationship just doomed?
Looking for some oppinions about this. | GF tried to get back togheter with EX while we were split up and not even tho we are in a loving happy relationship at the moment, not sure if this is a dealbreaker. |
t3_20t61z | jobs | Define Arrested | So a few years back, at the height of the Occupy movement, I was taken into police custody and held for 36 hours in a mass arrest facility. I was a college student, they had just torn down the camps and I decided to attend and ended up getting swept up in the events and then swept up into a police van. They arrested thousands of us that day, mostly for blocking traffic.
Fortunately I wasn't even charged, they couldn't find my arresting officer and I didn't show up on their videos. I was processed though, they took my name, numbers and fingerprints. They even tried to scan my irises. I, along with a few others that fell in the same blindspot, was released out the back of the court without any further issues.
So a few years later I have an interview and the interviewer says "we're a large financial institution and have strict regulations. We'll be doing a thorough background check and we have a few questions before that. Have you ever been arrested?"
I freeze up and say well yes but I was never charged with anything.
Care to explain some more?
It's a bank interview so I'm not telling them about my occupy involvement anyway. I say "I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. It shouldn't show up on my record as I wasn't charged and it shouldn't be an issue".
That was presumably the last question of the interview anyway, but I was walked out then. | For future reference, can I say no to the question "were you ever arrested if charges were never brought and I was realesed in 36 hours as part of a mass protest? Would this show up on a background check? |
t3_2wor50 | relationships | I've [M18]been talking to a girl [F18] met on an online dating site. Don't wanna screw this up! | So I've recently gotten into online dating and me and a girl, lets call her Anna. We've been talking the last few days, we have exchanged Facebooks and phone numbers and things are going pretty good so far.
I have some things I'm having difficulty with though, the first is I don't want to seem desperate because I'm not but she is so amazing and nice I just want to text her all the time!
I also have some mental issues, Tourette Syndrome and ADHD, both manageable and most people don't even realize I have them but I don't want to hide things from her; I'm afraid if she found out she would be scared off.
What should I do!? | Met really great girl online, don't wanna seem desperate. I have Tourette and ADHD, scared if I tell her she'll get scared off. |
t3_3b8dkq | tifu | TIFU by helping an old lady to the bathroom | So my job doesn't have an employee break area. If you take your break at your desk it looks like you are slacking and you always get interrupted. So I've started just taking my break in the bathroom.
One day last week, I'm headed to use the facilities and I notice an old woman in the hall. I ask if she's lost and she says she just needs the rest room. Headed that way, I offer to just walk with her. She seems reluctant but starts to follow me. I try to make small talk and she says nothing. So we finally get to the bathroom and I whip out my phone to catch up on Facebook. After a few minutes the bathroom goes silent.
"You don't have to wait for me, " she says.
I realize she must think I'm waiting for her to come out of her stall.
"Um. I'm not," I finally answer. Silence again. Finally the awkward silence is too much so I flush. Nothing. I exit my stall, wash my hands and only as I'm leaving does this old woman start to pee. | I was nice to an old lady on the hall and wound up in an awkward situation and lost out on my 15 minute break. |
t3_2tyc9w | relationships | SO [20M] commented on a Reddit post and it has sparked all kinds of insecurities for me. [25F] | Sorry for any errors, it's 6am and, I haven't slept, and I'm on my phone.
Back round: my boyfriend and I have known each other two years and have been dating for about a year. We just recently officially moved in together (at first he was just staying at my apartment but now he's moved his things in and applied for jobs using this address.)
Over all we have a very loving and sexually satisfying relationship. he's the strongest connection I've had in and out of the bedroom.
We were hanging out on the couch last night and we were on Reddit (his account.) I saw that he has commented on a nude of a woman: "The things I'd do to that body." Now, honestly, that's not bad in my opinion. We freely talk about women we find attractive. We are always open and honest about sexual desires.
What hit me (like a ton of bricks) is that I'm his only lover. We have talked about the long term loosely, like getting a dog and children way down the road. But here is where I need the advice: can I be his only lover? Is it selfish to expect a man is his sexual peak to not explore and see what he likes? I did a lot of experimenting at 20, am I just holding him back?
I opened up to him a little bit because he saw me get visibly uncomfortable a few minutes after seeing the screen. I told him that I was concerned that he was being held back sexually. I suggested a break so he could explore. He freaked out, told me he loved me and that I was the only one. It got heated and now I'm just sitting up in the living room thinking about everything. | Saw a comment on Reddit my boyfriend posted, brought up insecurities about being his only lover. I suggested a break and it made everything 100x worse. |
t3_t0rwk | AskReddit | Looking for wedding present ideas for a nerdy couple. | Ok, so here's the situation. I've known this couple for about two years, this is the first wedding (as an adult) that I've been invited to. They know me pretty well, and as such, they know I do not have much money, so I know that they aren't expecting anything big. My girlfriend thinks we should get them a useful gift, because married couples are of course in need of stuff, and most likely are registered somewhere. However, it's not like we can get them something like a washing machine or something, whatever we get would have to be small, and I think something that's small and useful wouldn't have the same personal impact, and really won't help much. The other route, which I think we should go, would be to get something nerd-related; they are fans of Avatar, DnD, Doctor Who, things like that (it was actually overhearing them talking about Avatar that lead me to talking to them when I first met them), which would have more of a personal aspect, and would most likely be cost-effective. Which should we go with, and what ideas might you guys have for specific gift ideas? | Going to get a relatively inexpensive wedding present for two geeky friends, should we get a useful or a geeky gift, and what ideas might you have for specifics? |
t3_1qgjpq | relationships | I[23M] am feeling insecure about the fact that my girlfriend [24 F] was ready to marry her ex after 3 months and we just hit the same milestone and she doesn't feel that way with me yet. | My bisexual girlfriend was with an ex who was a girl for 3 years; they were best friends for a year before dating. A couple months into actually dating my girlfriend felt very strongly that she would end up marrying this girl (they broke up because her partner fell out of love after some time; they are still very close friends). Now she is with me and I am positive we are very much in love with each other. We've been together for 3 months, and yesterday we had a conversation about our long-term future and she said that she can see us spending the rest of our lives together, but that she isn't sure about it like she was with her ex.
I'm feeling bad that she felt sure she would spend the rest of her life with her ex after 3 months but isn't as sure about it with me. I try to tell myself that she knew her ex intimately for a full year before dating her so it's different, but it's still stuck in my head that maybe she had a stronger relationship with her than she does with me. The other factor that might be relevant here is that her relationship with her ex was her first serious relationship. Normally I wouldn't feel bad about this because it's only been 3 months and very few people are ready for that type of commitment after such a short amount of time, but apparently she was with her ex. How do I get over this? | Feel bad that gf isn't at the stage in our relationship where she feels like we're going to spend the rest of our lives together, but did feel that way with her ex at about the same time. |
t3_2pfpz5 | askwomenadvice | (23 M) I was given a phone number by a "secret admirer" for lack of a better term. When should/should I call it? | Just for clarity's sake, I'm a guy. Went out to dinner with my mother tonight. Had some time on my hands before she picked me up so I decided to dress up a little bit. Turned out to be a good decision! When I was leaving the restaurant our waitress stopped me and said,
"Someone wanted me to give this to you."
She handed me a folded slip of receipt paper with a phone number and a name on it.
Now I assume this is not a CIA operative, or some other type of secret agent trying (albeit mistakenly) to arrange a dead drop, and that it is instead an interested young woman (or man I guess? based on the name/handwriting I'm guessing woman.)
Ordinarily I would wait a few days to call if I'd had to ask for the number. I've never gotten a number without asking aside from a select few occasions and I had the chance to knowingly meet them beforehand.
As I'm typing this, I do recall making eye contact a few times with a pretty young woman about my age. If it was her, I'm definitely interested but originally I was thinking it had to be a staff member from the establishment.
So when should I call? Also, in the US at least, this is pretty out of the norm. Should I just steer clear entirely? | Someone in a restaurant (presumably a woman) gave me a phone number through a waitress. I do not know the person, and never saw them. Should I call it, and if so, when? |
t3_29qbj0 | relationships | Me [39 M] with my girlfriend [41 F] of 10 years. I'm starting to struggle with her lack of motivation and energy, and am thinking of leaving her. | My girlfriend is becoming increasingly lacklustre, sleeping loads, and always seems to moan about things that she never gets round to dealing with.
I love her to death. She's funny, beautiful, thoughtful, caring. But she's lost her zest, and it's dragging me down. We've talked about it, and she's considered the fact that she might be depressed, but never actually deals with it. And she moans about her weight all the time, but will always find excuses not to exercise or eat healthily. I'm as encouraging and supportive as I can be, even being her personal trainer when she tries to get fit, but she gives up so easily.
This is all really difficult for me, especially as I'm a really motivated, self-employed guy who wants to squeeze every moment out of life. And I want to do it with her. But I can't do that if she's always in bed, or sitting on the sofa, not wanting to leave the apartment. I've tried talking to her, and she always responds well. But only for about 72 hours, and then it's back to the same patterns.
The things stopping me leaving her:
- I still love her, completely.
- She's pretty dependent on me, socially, emotionally etc.
- After all this time we're fairly financially "linked", and it would be messy.
But I want to be with someone who has my dreams, ambitions, and energy. Not someone who's going to wake up in 10 years and realise she's wasted the best years of her life.
What do I do? | My girlfriend is lazy and wasting her life. I'm the opposite, and I don't really want to waste any more of my life with her. |
t3_gnd6c | relationships | I might lose her because I can't keep it up. | The situation I'm in currently is that I, a 20 year old college student, am seeing a girl, also 20, who is also seeing someone else. I've been seeing her for over 2 months now, while she has been seeing the other guy for about two weeks. I knew we weren't exclusive, but the other guy asked her to be exclusive and she doesn't know what to say.
She's often horny, but she hasn't slept with the other guy yet; however, whenever we have sex, I either have a difficult time getting it up, or keeping it up. Because of medical reasons, she can't use birth control, and so sometimes between foreplay and putting on the condom, I'll soften up. Also, sometimes when switching positions, I'll just lose it too.
I have no idea why this is happening. I've been a virgin until I started having sex with her, so I don't have anything to compare this with, other than masturbation, where I did not have this problem. Also, she always thinks that its her fault, and that she's not attractive enough for me to get hard, even though I am attracted to her. We've had sex without problems more recently, and usually when it didn't work was when I was first starting out and was nervous, or if we had just had a disagreement recently, but now I have no idea why its not working. Any advice/Questions to get better advice would be appreciated. | I can't keep an erection when having sex with a girl who I'm attracted to and I don't know why, but want to fix it. |
t3_3eobca | relationships | Me (27/M) am new in the dating world. At what point do I have to have a sit down with someone I was hooking up with to tell them I'm not interested, as opposed to sending a text? | I'm 7 months single after being in a 4+ year relationship. In that time, I've hit the ground running parallel dating roughly 10 girls. I think it is probably a bandaid I've used to keep myself busy and not think of my ex. Anyway, out of my girls who I date, I have been seeing one girl (28/F) since February roughly once every 2 or 3 weeks. She's really nice, but I am finding that I'm not as interested in her anymore as I once was. My gut is telling me that even though we were never in a monogomous relationship, all of our hangouts/texting conversations require me to deal with this head on.
I'm just not sure how to do so in a way to minimize the impact. The interesting thing is that the impetus for me breaking this off is my own guilt. She isn't asking for more of my time, or anything more then we've been investing over the last 5 months. On the contrary, my guilt comes from a place that I would rather go on a date with anyone else who I am parallel dating then her. I recognize that isn't nice to make her a "back burner" girl, so I'd love some perspective on how to handle this situation.
On one hand, she's not my girlfriend so I don't technically owe her anything. On the other hand, common decency and my own peace of mind is telling me I should address it.
Bonus question: In general, how many interactions with a date require your lack of interest in pursuing the relationship any further to be called out? I'm new to this. | I've been in an non-exclusive intimate relationship with someone, and want to break it off. How do I do so as to cause the least hurt for her? |
t3_38r5jd | Advice | I've lost my desire to enjoy anything anymore. | I really don't know how to word this, but I'll try the best I can. I used to love watching anime, playing video games, hanging with friends, going out for a drive, biking, watching movies, and much more. Now it seems like I just don't enjoy anything anymore. Everything is just so uninteresting. Nothing wows me and I feel unimpressed by a lot of things. It's either "eh" or "alright" to me.
It's not like I want to be like this. I want to enjoy things. I'd love to sit down on my couch, enjoy a good few hours of gaming, then back to movies. Maybe go for a long bike ride that makes me feel refreshed. Instead, I just mostly wake up wondering what I'll do that day. I'll spend about 15-20 minutes playing a game, get bored, then try to watch a movie. Then I'll get bored of the movie, and go try to find something physical to do. I'll get quite bored of that too.
I have a problem, but I don't know what it is. It bothers me really badly. Everyone around me are always enjoying things, from the games we play and movies we watch- even the little activities we do. I just want to be able to experience some joy in my life. If you can help me understand this, that would be fantastic. | I don't enjoy anything anymore. Everything I once had a desire of doing is now gone, and I wish to find what I lost within to enjoy life again. |
t3_2ph6ec | personalfinance | Is this actually a year end bonus? | So I'm an Engineer on salary and I work on a remote construction site rotation with a 3 week on/off schedule. My boss records my hours for time off or on site and I bank time when I'm away working weekend. I should note that he governs my chargeable hours on site to 7.5 hrs when I'm working 10 hrs everyday in a remote location.
He recently sent me an email saying that the totalled hours resulted in me owing the company just over 6 weeks of work days based on how I'm allowed to record hours. He stated that my year end bonus would be that much as he would zero out the hours owed because of my good performance all year.
So I'm not actually receiving extra money as a bonus but he will fulfill my salary completely. I felt like a salary was a guaranteed amount that I would earn and a bonus would be have to extra on top of that. The only useful thing I can see is the $8k off my income tax, which would amount to a couple hundred dollars probably. | Was given a year end bonus but just as a function of my salaried hours I didn't fulfill according to boss's criteria. |
t3_3s05fg | relationships | Am I [27m] being too obsessive or clingy about my girlfriend [23f] of six months not talking to me on facebook? | I am fully aware this may come off as super clingy. I kind of hope it does, that means it's all in my head and not something to worry about.
My girlfriend is very terse and not talkative through texts, Facebook messenger, stuff like that to begin with. For the last three days, she hasn't messaged me on Facebook at all. This is the longest we've gone without talking in our six months together. She recently started a job that is a lot of work and has been swamped. All of this points to it being no big deal. But I cannot shake the feeling that something is wrong, that she's mad at me or doesn't want to be with me anymore.
I messaged her once in the past three days to just say I hope she's doing well. She hasn't even seen the message, according to Facebook. All she's done in the past couple days is "like" a few posts.
I sure as hell didn't ask if she's mad at me or repeatedly ask if she's okay, we had a discussion/kind of a fight? about that a month ago and since then I've been holding back on my clingy tendencies because I don't want to push her away and make it a sort of self fulfilling prophecy. She is very independent, way more than any of my past girlfriends.
I have obsessive compulsive disorder, anxiety, and depression. I've been talking to my therapist about these awful clingy tendencies and working on cognitive behavioral stuff to get myself out of this obsessive thinking pattern, but three days with no contact from her hasn't happened in our relationship until now so my mind is creating new worries.
Now that I've written this out, it makes me look like a clingy obsessive stalker and I wouldn't blame my girlfriend for running and never looking back if she saw this. I guess I kind of answered my own question but I'll still look for feedback anyway. I'll probably crosspost this to the ocd and rocd (relationship ocd) subs as well. | Girlfriend hasn't been on Facebook in three days and this is the longest we've gone without communicating, but she has a new job and is independent to begin with. Am I just clingy and obsessive? (Probably) |
t3_1tbbb4 | relationships | [21/M] My girlfriend's [21/F] ex is trying to get back with her | So the other day my girlfriend of 3 months decided to tell me that her ex (who cheated on her about a year and a half ago) is trying to get back with her even though he knows we are in a relationship.
Supposedly this has been going on for a week and I was just told (not sure if that's a problem). She says told him that she is willing to be friends with him, but apparently he refuses anything less than getting back together. I've told her that this guy should fuck off, but I'm not sure why this was hidden from me and why she is even giving this guy a chance to talk to her.
I'm completely lost in this situation and I honestly feel like shit right now. Should I be worried that my girlfriend is in contact with her ex? I'm worried that this contact might lead to her having feelings for this guy again. Should I ask her to just completely ignore him? Comments, advice, anything you want to say reddit please tell me, I'm so lost right now I don't know what to do. | Girlfriend's ex wants her back, I was told a week after contact between the two occurred, girlfriend says she offered him to be friends, I feel like shit |
t3_db506 | AskReddit | Jesus ate my parents. | Raised fundie till 15, then family stopped talking about religion, I assumed they kept their fundie views. Told them I was atheist this weekend, found out that fundie was just one of a series of phases in their lives from hinduism, new-age beliefs, aboriginal mysticism, to fundamental christianity, to now some wierd christian/spiritual hybrid in which the bible and christianity have perverted Jesus' teachings, the true version of which are now lost forever.
I don't know how to talk to them, but I want to. I have three siblings and we all have serious issues that lead back to our upbringing. No one else is talking to my parents so I want to start things off and see if I can maybe raise a real family up out of the dysfunctional heap we are.
My problem is my parents will not talk rationally to me, taking away every tool I have. I want to debate the parts of christianity they still hold true, such as creationism and just that the whole thing is divinely inspired. But I am met with arguments like "I know because I know" "God tells me", lots of talk about how we are surrounded by demons and angels, stories of times when demonic forces have been evident, (never directly to them, always a friend etc.). | Does anyone have advice for bridging the gap with people who don't care about conventional arguments against christianity because all of the evidence they need is in their own head? |
t3_2rncxy | relationship_advice | The woman I love, who doesn't love me. I don't know what to do, advise from someone whos been in a similar situation before would be great. | Shes really understanding, and just isn't in love with me. She loves someone else. I have no intentions of messing their relationship up, not that I could if shes feels about him as I do her. I'd rather see her happy than be with her.
She is actually my best friend. Currently really my only friend. Even if I'm only one of hers. Its just suddenly the support I need from one person, who is trying to give me said support, I cant really get it from them. i'm trying to not speak to her (openly telling her this) and her response was effectively "Take all the time you need away from speaking to me to get over me, your one of my best friends." She has also said she will respond to anything I say to her as soon as she could, this kind of...confused me. Was she ignoring me before? It didn't feel like it, she responded to over 90% of the messages I've sent her. I think shes just trying to show me that shes going to remain my friend regardless.
She can see I'm a bit distressed and after I set a duration to not speak to her, she stated that it was ok if I spoke to her sooner than that.
Its killing me inside. I feel stupid, but in all honesty I realize I'm never going to not be in love with her. I've been crying for over 12 hours. I didn't deliberately fall in love with her, she consoled me through the most difficult time in my life, and never even in my worst moments stopped being friends with me. Honestly its because of her that I'm really alive at this point. | I'm breaking communication with everyone I knew before, and I'm moving on, shes helping me do this. (Think raisedbynarcissists.) |
t3_x3zeo | relationships | Starting to resent my wife because of her mother. What should I do? | My wife (30) and I (31) have been married for 7 years. My MIL lost her job and had to move in with us 2 years ago. She always promised to work and find a new job ASAP so as not to impose on our relationship. She has since started belittling me and has made no attempt at finding a job or moving out. My wife has started to take her side in all situations. I feel ganged up on constantly about everything (putting down the toilet seat, relaxing when I get off work, going out, not spending enough time with the both of them.) I am getting bitter towards them both. I have tried explaining this to my wife but she won't listen and just sticks up for her mother. I don't know what to do and I am going crazy. I need your help reddit before I blow a gsaket. | MIL moved in. Wife and MIL have started to gang up on me about everything. Tried telling wife how I feel but she just sides with her mom |
t3_1grs30 | AskReddit | Mother's Email Account is Hacked... What Should we do? | My mother has a yahoo email account that she loves to use. Usually, when a hack occurs it just sends out a few spam messages from that account. Well, it did that too, but THIS time however it seems to have changed the security question and she does not even have access to the server on any device she logs in from.
We got the message saying along the lines of "We don't recognize this computer, answer this security question." and it was a question we didn't recognize. We answered incorrectly and now we're locked out for the next 12 hours.
We're also worried that since she gets a lot of emails from her banking and financial accounts that it could get into that private information.
Any advice, Redditors? | Mom's Yahoo Mail account is hacked. It sent spams and she is also locked out of her account. What should we do? |
t3_3r1lcp | relationships | My ex [25f] agreed to meet up with me a month after she dumped me [24m]..bad idea for me? | I asked her to meet up and she agreed. She dumped me a month ago yesterday after we were together almost seven months. Logically I know we wouldn't work as a couple unless we both made compromises. I would, but I don't believe she would. I'm not quite sure what I want out of this -- closure? To see if there's anything left?
Here's the text after I broke NC:
Me: "Tonight's the biggest night at the Ghost Bar! Hope you're doing well."
Her: "Haha I bet! I hope it doesn't get too out of control! And I hope you have been too. P.s. Your costume was awesome"
Me: "Thanks! Anyway, I just wanted to text and see if you'd want to grab a drink sometime this week just to catch up and talk. It's good either way"
Her: "Yea we can do that as long as you're sure you want to"
Me: "Yeah, it's good. I've had about a month I think. I'll follow up some time. Enjoy your Halloween"
Her: "Okay, you too" | Am I being incredibly stupid or am I right for feeling like I need to put my hand on the hot stove, so to speak? |
t3_27dgfu | relationships | Me [14F] have a "crush" on a guy (Not anymore) [14M] I don't know if he likes me *UPDATE* | Okay! So for those who actually read my first post, here is an update. Even though this is like the second update the first one is on the first post!
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**First Post:**
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Okay, so by me saying (Not anymore) in the title... I mean I have lost feelings for him. Because we stopped talking. And pretty much it's been maybe 3 weeks and I'm okay now, but I was feeling a bit down a week ago maybe, but what makes it awkward is the fact he hangs out with my group. And I think maybe 9/18 girls I hang out with like him. I think...
I don't actually know but aye! Who cares! :) oh well so this is the final update as I think with the conversations being ceased I don't think there will be anything in the future.
But that's okay as there is still another door for someone else to maybe enter my life soon! For me to be happy in a relationship I have to be happy with myself. :) Thankyou for allowing me to bore you with my silly little crushes! :) Bye bye!! | Crush and I have ceased contact, awakard because he hangs out with me. Opening a door for maybe someone else in the future. |
t3_3gxh8k | relationships | Update: I [24 F] cheated with my friend [28 F] | Original found here
To put things bluntly I didn't respect the relationship a friend had and failed to set boundries. I was a bad friend.
The boyfriend finally visited her and we all sat down together and I apologized to him for what i did to their relationship. I told the friend that I can't be friends anymore and ended the friendship permanently. Actions have consequensces and I just have to face them.
I contributed to possible permanent damage to a relationship and there is nothing I can do to fix that. He called me an asshole but forgave me because he said i had courage to talk to him face to face about this stuff and it showed respect.
I didn't help my friend cheat. I cheated with her and i admitted that. I feel terrible for losing a friend and just awful overall. There is no feeling good for doing the right thing but it had to be done anyhow.
I guess I feel sad for losing a friendship even though in the end this is my fault for not establishing boundaries. I guess you reap what you sow.
Thank you /r/relationships for getting me to do the right thing as painful as it is. I will miss having a friend who was supportive of me but I threw away that friendship when i cheated with her.
I'm never going to be involved in infidelity again. It has left me with awful guilt. I'm also going to establish boundries with friends and not get into sexual situations when i'm drunk. I learned some valuable lessons. The lessons cost me a friend and i think a lot of respect for my own self but i learned them.
I'm going to just go cry now. Maybe have a screwdriver and try to move past this | I cheated with a girl and then apologized to her boyfriend and ended the friendship i had with her. Thank you for the advice everyone |
t3_1j18t6 | relationships | I[21M] am agnostic, my gf[21F] of 2 1/2 years is a steadfast Christian. Worried what our children will believe | This is my first post on the internet ever, so bear with me! Hope this is the right sub.
My girlfriend and I are very much in love, and are both open-minded and outgoing. We are still in college and are not planning on having children for at least four more years. However, as of late I cannot get our one major difference off my mind. I cannot conceive how our fundamentally different views of the world will affect raising our children.
My gf was raised Christian, but is accepting of homosexuality and other religions (though I know that deep down she believes they are wrong). She will want her children raised with the whole baptism, Sunday church, and religious ceremony process. I can see value in the sense of community and family that comes with this life, and am admittedly looking forward to seeing what this world is like (and singing with everyone!).
But I know that I'll feel guilty for not only building the beliefs of my children upon something which I believe will receive strong opposition and die out within their lifetime, but also for lying to them early on about holding these beliefs myself. I picture my child saying "Mommy, why is Daddy choosing to go to Hell?" so I feel like I will have to wait until they are older to tell them. I would rather raise them with a strong sense of logic and reason, and have them marvel at the intricately connected cosmos. I would also rather have them work toward advancing human civilization FOR humans, and not for God.
I realize we are still very young and might not even be as compatible as our ever-waning honeymoon phase makes us believe. Should I stop wasting my time and look for someone with more similar beliefs or should I stay with her and endure the countless hours of pew-sitting in hopes that we can raise our children with both views of the world? Because when I'm completely honest with myself, I know that being a good father is the thing I'll care about most in life. | I love my gf, but should I start trying to find a fellow agnostic/atheist as a life parner for my childrens' sake? |
t3_3dx1kf | jobs | How do I compete for a job as a young person in a town full of old money? | Apologies for how long this is!
I'm 18 and finishing up high school and currently working at a crappy restaurant that doesn't quite treat their employees fairly, so I'm on the lookout for a new job, which is proving extremely hard. I found my current job by emailing the head office of the restaurant chain itself, instead of applying direct like my coworkers did but this method doesn't seem to be working this time around, I think I got lucky.
My town is full of rich families who own at least 2-3 restaurants/cafes/retail stores each. All these rich families are friends and its their children and their children's friends that end up working in the businesses. I know this because the owners of my workplace also own other places in the area, and the people I work with knew the owners personally before they got the job. I've tried handing in multiple resumes to every shop/business in my town, and if they don't take resumes I email or apply online. I've taken advice from this subreddit by carefully researching each place and spending a lot of time on the cover letter so that it's personalised to each place and am yet to even get a call back let alone an interview.
I'm aiming to not work in fast food, if that's the only place I can get a job I'm better off just sticking where I am. I had a job at a department store before my own currently and I'd be lucky to get a shift every 2 weeks, so I probably wouldn't consider that either. | How do I get past the hurdle of not knowing rich businessmen and women in my area and land a decent part-time job? |
t3_3a0aaa | relationships | I [M18] hooked up with my close friends ex [F18]. I spoke with him about it, and he's mad, but I want to keep hooking up with her. | I hooked up with my close friends ex at a small party. It was fun, and her and I get along really well. Her and I have known each other for years but this was the first time we've done anything.
My friend and her were together for almost 2 years beforehand, and they broke up about 3-4 months ago. My friend didn't want to be in the relationship, but was kindof sucked in due to circumstances. They ended on good terms and still talk, but my friend doesn't have feelings for her anymore, and hasn't for some time. He was recently in a relationship with another girl who he is currently very emotionally attached to.
I spoke with him tonight about what happened. He said he was a little but mad, but mostly shocked. We talked about it for less then 2 minutes before he told me he really didn't care and said it was fine.
So the thing is, I like this girl. We get along really well and she's fun to hang out with. But at the same time, I feel wrong doing stuff with her because I don't know if it will hurt/destroy my friendship with my close friend who dated her. | Hooked up with my friends ex. I want to continue with her. He doesn't seem to care that much, but I'm afraid of damaging |
t3_3ezfrp | relationships | For only one reply a day, you can help a confused boy with his relationship issues | Alright, to start off with a little background information. I am a senior in High school, and have had several relationships which went well and ended on good terms, but just didn't work out. I currently working a Summer camp which will be ending tomorrow. (Middle of the week... I know, its weird)
Anyways, I have been volunteering at a Summer Rec camp this year and my partner has been this girl. We work together to just help a certain group of kids (7 year olds) with certain games, crafts, etc. Well I've grown to actually care for her and want to pursue a relationship with her but I don't know where to start because I waited so long. Tomorrow is the last day for this camp, and since we both go to different High schools, we probably won't see each other unless I can think of something to do. So my question is, how do I get her number? Past relationships have come from friendships prior so I had the number from then. We ARE friends, but I've just never gotten her number and don't know how to at this point. I don't want to directly ask for it. Any suggestions?
.
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Ignore all of this garbage. I'm new to Reddit and don't know how to post well. Sorry :)
Age(s): Both 17 will be 18 within several months for both of us.
Length of Relationship: We've know each other about 2 months.
Go to opposite high schools.
Genders: I am a male. She is a female.
^Ignore all of this garbage. I'm new to Reddit and don't know how to post well. Sorry :)
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Thanks guys, anything helps. | Curious as to how to get a girls number, and would like any ideas (good ones please) as to how to obtain it. |
t3_4v2cam | relationships | Me [18 M] with my girlfriend [028 F] 1.5 years, wants to break up before Uni... | We adore eachother and she recently decided (without talking to me) she wants to put a deadline on our relationship before we go to Uni... I just think that a break up before we even get there will affect out Uni live more so than if we gave it a shot and it eventually fizzled out...
My girlfriend, Swara comes from a strict Hindu family who aren't aware of our relationship because they would never accept me (I'm not of Indian orign). It's been a struggle but we've powered on through it. Prior to our disagreement, we never really talked about it just left it and thought we'd discuss nearer the time... Last night these are the reasons why she wants to end it.
She says she'll miss me too much, "I won't be able to be myself at freshers because I'll be missing you, I'll get depressed and fail". This to me seems compeltely over exggarreted. It's made more confusing how she said she never wants to be with another man after Uni, which is fair enough but she still expects us to be super close and be there 24/7 for eachother, "I'll always love you".
Secondly, she is fed up of lying to her parents... Although it would be easier for us to see eachother because they wouldn't know what is going on and our Uni aren;t far apart (Exeter and Swansea)
I was really upset when she told me this and when I tried to voice my opinion she basically said she wouldn't change her mind. I want to try make a go of out but don't know how to talk her round to it... I love her loads and hate the thought of spending amazing time with her when I know one day it's going to end :(
I thought I might add that another reason she wants to end is due to family and friends who tried a LDR... One cousin's boyfriend didn't let her go to freshers and the others cheated. I would never do this to my girlfriend, I'd encourage her to meet as many people as possible. | DOn't want a deadline on my relationship just because of Uni, how to talk her round to it/compromise? |
t3_2rtz2y | relationships | I [M20] have deep feelings for my friend's sister [F18]. Not sure what to do. | Alright, so I've known my friend and his family for about 8 years now. His parents consider me their second son, and his sister, her second brother. Which is were my problem comes in. I am really attracted to her.
Her and I had a brief conversation about "feelings" (Just as a general statement) and she had said that she noticed I had been seeming like I'd wanted to be more than just friends, which I did. However she stated that she did not. When she said that I sort of panicked and tried to keep the conversation from becoming uncomfortable so I bullshitted a story about how I was just worried for when she leaves for school how I'd never be able to visit her. Pulled it straight from my ass.
Before our conversation I was very confused at how she felt. I would constantly get mixed signals from her. Examples: 1-Hugs (probably looking too far into this example but they just felt different than ones you'd get from a "friend") 2- She would be really excited if I asked her if she wanted me to come over to visit. 3- "I love you more" arguments. Yeah. That thing couples do. I always told myself she only meant it as a friend or whatever just so I didn't get my hopes up.
It's been just over a month and a half since her and I had the previously mentioned conversation and I hadn't spoken to her since. No texts, visits, snapchats, *anything*. I just saw her tonight because her brother is in town. Her and I didn't speak directly to each other much until I left which I had to say "Bye *D*" she then shouted back "Bye I love you!". Leaving I then realized, Yeah I still have feelings for her. | I like my friend's sister, she will probably never like me back, I'm not sure if I should just be straight up and tell her or just hide it and hope the feelings go away. |
t3_2uk8t1 | tifu | TIFU by singing happy birthday… | So this happened some time ago, but people still think its hilariously cringeworthy.
An old co-worker of mine had organized a bowling outing for everyone we used to work with. It has been a long time since I had seen many of these people, so I thought it would be fun to catch up! Anyways, as the night moves forward I enjoy a couple games of bowling (scoring between 40-80) and a couple beers.
Before long, a few of the girls bring out a tray full of cupcakes with birthday candles on… Great! I love cupcakes! So I finish throwing my gutter balls before sauntering over with a beer in hand to take part in the festivities.
As we finish the song the birthday boy goes to blow out the candles and with one breath they are out. Being the clever little devil that I am I decide to yell out "Well, looks like you don't have ANY girlfriends!" (because we all remember that one). To my confusion, instead of everyone around me laughing at how funny I am, they fall dead…silent. I look around and my girlfriend grabs my arms, holding back her tears of laughter and says, "I over heard the girls ordering the cupcakes… it's not his birthday you moron! His girlfriend dumped him yesterday and they were trying to make him feel better!" As it turns out the bowling alley would only do the whole "birthday thing" if it was ACTUALLY someone's birthday.
By this point I'm absolutely mortified/ trying to hold back my giggles… everyone around was either giving me the evil eye or trying not to fall over laughing. | Got drunk. Sang happy birthday. Pointed out that he had no GF because he blew out all the candles. Turns out he was dumped the day before |
t3_1vht3s | relationships | I [20m] think I am losing interest with my girlfriend [21f] of 1 year | I have been going out with a girl for almost a year now, we were set up by some friends and since I hadn't dated before I decided to go for it. I found get quite attractive and we got on well. We were both each others first time after a few months, and we stayed saying we loved each other about half way through.
I was originally very hesitant to do this because I have never been vocal with my emotions and I honestly did not know whether what I felt was love or not.
In the last few weeks I think I have been losing interest, as well as losing attraction to her. I feel very comfortable with her, but I think she is far more into me than I am to her.
We have recently had exams again, and this, along with her skin condition and birth control have made her very emotional. For the last few weeks I have felt somewhat like an emotional crutch, and I think I have been more distant than usual, which she has commented on on a couple of occasions.
Was I deluding myself into how much I liked her just because it is my first relationship and because I don't want to hurt her by ending it?
Was I trying to persuade myself that everything was fine when I should have ended it ages ago?
Am I a shallow selfish bastard for wishing she was more attractive?
If I'm honest I feel the end is coming soon, but I would just like to a few other opinions to make sure what I am thinking is right before I go and break her heart. | 1 year girlfriend who I feel loves me more than I love her and I'm losing interest, and I feel like an asshole for wanting to end it because it will break her. |
t3_39w3ga | relationships | I [m/22] would like to pursue something with a girl [21] that I kind of got set up with over the weekend...any advice for me? | So, over the weekend, I attended a wedding with one of my close friends and her boyfriend. Unbeknownst to me, she invited her best friend (whom I had met previously, but never really spent any time with) and we were each others "dates". We had a great time at the reception and then spent the rest of the weekend hanging out. It was great because we prevented each other from "third-wheeling" it with my close friend and her boyfriend.
Several times we kinda cuddled and talked and got to know each other a little better. We flirted a bit, but I was kind of shy around her and not really acting like myself, because I was unaware of how "interested" she was in me. I really enjoyed spending time with her and would love to continue pursuing and see where it could go.
We ended up driving home together and had a good time, she gave me a big hug after I dropped her off at her car and I told her to text me when she got home to let me know she arrived safely. She just did and then mentioned that she had a wonderful time this weekend and she really enjoyed my company. She also said that we should plan a trip together (something we had talked about in passing over the weekend) because it would be really fun. I am all for it and I hope that works out!
I want to see her again so I can kind of open up more and be more myself, cause I realized I was kind of shut off and awkward, because of the reception and the situations we were in where there was a couple right by us and we were just kind of set up with each other.
I need some advice because, she lives about two hours away from my city. I'd love to get together with her again and I want to stay in contact. I don't know how often I should text her or talk to her or what... | Got set up with a girl I barely knew and had a good time. Would like to see her again, but she lives two hours away. Want to keep in contact and see if it can turn into anything more. Need advice! |
t3_40uqz6 | relationship_advice | Should I[23/m] keep texting/see this girl from tinder? | Hey,
Monday night I was tindering and got a match. She was not exactly my type but she was objectively decent looking and I was feeling especially lonely so I wrote her anyways.
She seemed very interested (which is out of the ordinary for me) but for some reason I had a weird feeling about the whole thing. I told her about my studies and she replied with a LENGTHY explanation about why she's been unemployed for most of the past 1,5 years.
Next day she starts writing me, I ask how her day was and she tells me her aunt died :l I express my condolences and leave it at that. A few hours later she asks me if she did something wrong, I tell her I didn't know what to say after that and wasn't sure if she's in the mood for looking for hanky-panky on the internet and she's like, "I already found someone, I'm only chatting with you"... At the end of the conversation she 'threatens' me not to forget to write her tomorrow.
It's now 'tomorrow' night but I haven't written her yet. | Decent looking and friendly girl from tinder is interested but somehow giving me weird vibes. On the other hand I don't wanna be impolite and not text her and I'm a desperate 23 year old virgin. |
t3_25m830 | relationships | Me [23/F] with my coworker [27 M], oversees working on a project. I woke up last night to find his hand down my pants. | I'll keep this short. I'm currently overseas working on an exhibition. I've been working with one of the teams for a few days made up of two guys. There has been absolutely no sexual tension, or anything of the sort. It's been very friendly and very professional. We've all been staying in a single apartment. I've been staying in a room with two double beds which are not connected.
Last night, we all went out and had a few drinks. Really, nothing over the top but enough to get us all sufficiently sleepy. I woke up in the middle of the night only to realize that I had a hand down my pants. The fondling wasn't overly inappropriate given the circumstances, more like bum grazing. Nevertheless I was sufficiently creeped out. However, I soon realized that he was completely asleep. Especially when he just kind of stopped because he wanted to turn over and sleep on his other side.
So, what do I do now? I feel uncomfortable, because it was such a bizarre and invasive gesture. But I have absolutely no idea how to approach the situation especially because I'm almost certain that it wasn't intentional. | Woke up to find a colleague fondling me in his sleep. I have no idea how to approach the whole situation. |
t3_36qty0 | relationships | [18M] Is she [18F] worth it to stay as friends? | I've liked this girl for over a year and for a moment last year she was confused whether I was going to confess to her last month. Eventually, I decided to tell her that we should stay as friends instead since we have major exams at the end of this year.
We'd still text and talk as we see each other in school and we apparently feel that we'd prefer each other as close friends, but I can't help but feel that I'm the one that still wants to be friends?
Really not sure if I should still put in the effort to stay as friends. Advice? | Decided to remain friends with crush (didnt confess but she knows i like her) but i feel she isnt putting any effort into the friendship |
t3_2oxeqp | relationships | How do I (20 M) confront other men (similar ages) about flirting with or making overt comments about my girlfriend of 2 years(19 F) | My girlfriend has always had boys all over her and whilst I trust her 100% and know she would never do anything I hate it when men flirt with her and touch her and make comments about her infront of me.
Usually I will just pull her away when im with her, but when this doesnt stop them it's frustrating as I have no idea how to combat the situation. I tell her not to tell me about it when it happens and im not there as it just upsets/angers me , however I do sometimes here about it if she wants to tell me or if it slips out from someone else.
Its happened throughout our relationship however it is specifically 2 guys now and its really starting to pester me , especially when I tell her about it she tells me Im being paranoid and that as long as I trust her its fine. They also message her on facebook and snapchat to which she doesnt reply.
But i'm just not sure if I should combat them directly or how I should approach the situation. | girlfriend gets messages and flirted with by other boys, sometimes when i'm not with her - How do i confront the 2 immediate culprits and deal with this in general |
t3_szpr0 | relationships | Am I in the right to be annoyed? | So... background: Me [24M] dating her [23F]. Together for 8 months.
I woke up today and went off to work, now usually around the time I arrive to work, shes waking up so I call her to say good morning. This morning I call and she says shes late so we talk for a total of a minute, that's it.
Normally during the day she will contact me and we'll talk during my lunch break. Today she didn't. She then contacted me 2 hours later telling me to call her, so I did. She said she forgot to contact me. During our phone call, I spent 45 minutes sitting on the other line listening to her laugh with her friends and not pay attention to the fact that I was on the line. If she said 'Hello' and I replied saying 'Hey' she would start laughing again at something her friend said and forget about me again for 5 more minutes.
I returned to my desk to hear my boss go 'Where the fuck were you at for so long?'
I want to know from reddit if I have the right to be pissed right now. I took a break (not my lunch break) to call her and finally speak, and she barely pays attention to me on the line. | GF barely talks to me all day, when she says call her she ignores the fact that I'm on the phone and I get in trouble with my boss because of it. |
t3_4578nj | relationships | My (F/39) biological daughter (F/21) and my boyfriend (M/46) are like two peas in a pod and it's driving me nuts. 2 years. | My boyfriend and I have been dating for about two years at this point. We've been living together for just over 7 months. Before we all moved in together my bf and my daughter got along well, but weren't close or anything. He was always around to see me, and she was simply there. Since we've moved in together though, they've become friends.
It's driving me up the wall. I'll just come out and say it; I'm jealous both that he is spending time with her, and that she seems to like him so easily. I had a lot of trouble raising her, and we've never had a good relationship. It's upsetting to see her take to him like a father she never had or something. I realize that is childish which is why I've been bottling it up, but I can't control my feelings on this anymore.
They spend a lot of time together, and though I don't think they actively exclude me, it often feels that way due to our differing work schedules. Too often I come home to find them hanging out or working on some project of his. She listens to him, like she never listened to me, and to be perfectly honest he has helped her improve herself (he helped her quit smoking), in ways that I wish I could.
To be clear, I don't think there's anything else going on. It annoys me that she listens to his advice. It annoys me that she does things for him (bring him things, cook/clean for him), but I don't think their relationship is anything but platonic. That's why I feel so conflicted about wanting to try and break it up.
Am I justified at all in feeling this way? Part of me feels like a selfish ass for wanting to ruin a good thing for them. The selfish part of me feels like I deserve his time, not her. The darkest, smallest part of me is worried to be honest. I don't think anything is going on now but I know my daughter and I'm afraid that if she becomes attached she will start getting ideas. | Daughter and bf are becoming chummy. It's annoying me. Part of me feels bad for wanting to break up a friendship but part of me thinks that she needs to back off. |
t3_42r89f | relationships | My (24F) bf (24M) of 3yrs don't think we're in love with each other anymore. Is this the end? | Been together 3yrs. Lived together a year.
We get on very well, we have similar interests, can make each other laugh, sex is great. Our levels of how much time we spend together differs. Bf is happy with chatting over dinner and then doing our thing or maybe going out for dinner sometimes. I would prefer more than that, even just to cuddle and watch Netflix sometimes. Nothing drastic.
After a months of arguments I had a proper "what don't want?" think about life. I've realised that although I tolerate things now, I wish he would want to spend more time with me. I know he's fine without it and I feel like I'm pestering when I ask. Plus, I want to be able to go out places and try out fun things with him. For example, I rock climbed (with a friend) for a year and I wish he'd come, but he hates things like that (to be fair, he doesn't like a lot of 'fun' things). If I want to try out things, I do it on my own whilst he stays at home. I've been on holidays before without him, because he doesn't like the place (but again, most things he doesn't like, it's hard to figure out what he does).
I realised that this isn't what I want for the rest of my life, a partner who I can't actually enjoy life with. I love him, I really do, but the fun days of us messing around and play fighting and all that are over and as much as I've hoped they'll come back they won't. I'm so scared of leaving though as he is my best friend and I hate the thought of losing him.
I spoke to him about it lady night and he said he's felt the same loss of the spark but he doesn't know how to regain it. I suggested a few activities we could do to spend time together but he's happy with the time we do spend. He wants to work things out, but I'm scared its putting off the inevitable.
What do you think? Is there a way this can be resolved or is this doomed? | I wish bf did more fun things with me and didn't just say no all the time. Both fell out of love but don't know if this is the end. |
t3_3378jc | relationships | Can't forgive myself for a clingy/creepy past [19M] | Senior year of high school I had a few passionate makeout sessions with a girl I had a huge crush on (2nd girl I had ever kissed in my life), became fairly clingy, and had my heart absolutely decimated when she texted me saying we should be friends because she didn't have enough time to devote for 'us'.
I came to find out that same day she tweeting about being on the phone all night with some guy thousands of miles away so I felt deceived. I blocked her on all social media and started to move on. She became upset that I was ignoring her and tried to see if we could still be friends, but I said no.
I continued to move on, but her friends pestered me to ask her out again/try again because she liked me. Being naive, I tried like 3 different times over the course of months all to flakey responses. However, this girl would always find some excuse to say 'hi' or 'congrats'. She showed up to prom with the original guy and I snapped (via text). - Randomly over the summer I felt bad about everything and sent a LONG apology message to no response.
*Nowadays, I'm really good at picking up social cues, I'm not a 'Nice Guy' anymore, and I handle rejection really well. I'm just really embarrassed that I did all of that even though it was a year ago. How can I stop feeling so awful about this? | I had a bad situation with a girl and I'm embarrassed by how I acted. I improved as a person, but I'm having trouble forgiving myself. Advice? |
t3_29x4g0 | relationships | Gf(18F) doesn't like it when I compliment her on her art! How can I provide positive encouragement without making her uncomfortable? | My Girlfriend recently picked up painting.
She really enjoys doing it and is really enthusiastic about, and on top of that she's pretty damn good for someone who just picked it up out of nowhere!
I'm a musician myself, so I can relate to feeling weird about people complimenting my stuff before it's done, or after it's finished because I'm so close to the piece, but I still want to reassure her that her work really is as good as it is!
We've talked about doing art in general before and she's admitted to having a problem with that "fear of rejection" complex that many amateur artists suffer from.
Last time I complimented her on a painting she was working on last, she said that she really appreciated the kind words, but that they made her feel "smothered and uncomfortable" for a moment.
Are there better ways I can express my appreciation for her art in a way that makes her feel good about what she does? | Girlfriend is really good at painting, but hates being complimented on her work. Want to provide positive encouragement without making her uncomfortable! :( |
t3_teu9v | personalfinance | Former apartment manager erroneously reported a 'debt'. I didn't find out until now, 4 years later, is there anything I can do? | After moving out of my apartment in 2008, the property manager told me and my roommate that there were some damages caused by pets for about $300. Since it was my roommate's pet, he went to their office, wrote them a check, and they told him everything was square. I called afterwards and confirmed that there was no money owed. Fast forward to a few weeks ago, when I'm applying for a loan on my first house. My lender provided a full credit report (I've only gotten the score before this, which looked good), and to my surprise had a line item from the property management company that said nothing was overdue at 30 or 60 days, but something did show up as overdue 90 days. I contact them and they tell me I still owe them $375, but they'll take $325 to call it even (??). They never sent any notice via mail/email, never called, nor attempted to make any contact to me. After two weeks and several more calls with the former roommate, they realized that when my roommate came in to pay the balance, they applied it to his name and not to mine. They never apologized, but rather tried to emphasize how long and annoying it was to deal with the credit bureau in clearing this up. I'm going to check my report in the coming weeks to confirm it's no longer there. I feel like I've been wronged - my credit was affected for the past 4 years and they don't want to own up to it. What can I do to ensure this won't happen to others renting from them? | 4 yrs ago, my apartment manager dinged my credit for something that they messed up on. Is there anything I can do? |
t3_ct1gi | needadvice | Ebay - A refund gone wrong | I'm asking on behalf of my girlfriend - basically, she sold something on ebay - and it didn't get to the buyer - so he claimed a refund around 10 days later. That's all well and good - but my G/F couldn't give him the money back - naively she'd taken it out of paypal and spent it- asumming after so long it'd got there. She told him to wait - but because he went straight to filing a claim it automatically went to ebay that said, "Look you have to pay him, otherwise we'll pay him and you'll owe us after X days."
X days came around, and ebay said that he'd been paid etc.
Now a couple of days, maybe a week or two, my girlfriend sends ebay the money through paypal - which is "confirmed" by paypal. Ebay then sends a string of confusing messages - two lots - one saying "Thanks for the payment, your account is now unrestricted" or soemthing like that - and then another saying the next day, "Your account is restricted, You owe us **£0.00**, update your payment method"
Now, that's confusing, but according to the messages, she didn't owe anything, and it's all been sorted - assuming it was just an error.
However, after now the three or so weeks since the last message, she received a written letter from a debt collection agency, saying that she owes the agency the sum of money that she'd sent through paypal, and if she doesn't pay in two days, they'll take further action. She just doesn't really want to hand over £26.00, that she's already given to ebay themselves.
I'm totally at a loss to know what to suggest - the money came out of her bank account and through her paypal to ebay. When she logs in, she gets a message, unlike the others, saying that she actually owes the £20-odd they originally asked for (as opposed to the *£0.00* from previous messages)
Any ideas? | She's paid ebay, but it's been conveniently been lost - through ebay's own systems. Debt Collectors follow |
t3_3u6uuy | relationships | Me [23 M] with my gf [21 F] of 5 years, issues arose in the bedroom..not sure how to feel | Hey all, I'm using a throwaway since my gf uses reddit.
My gf and I have been together for 5 years. She is absolutely amazing and perfect and I can't see myself spending the rest of my life with someone else other than her. She is my life and I spoil her as much as I possibly can.
However, there is one tiny thing that's been the cause of a few complaints lately. Her libido has been going down to the point where it is almost non existent. We have sex, but it isn't often anymore. I'm okay with it, sort of, but I'm not going to force her to have sex just for me. I want her to be in the mood for it as well. When we do have sex, I thought it was pretty great, but Idk. We are both each others firsts.
We were talking about it the other day and she told me something that made my heart sink and I felt devastated. For about a year, whenever we had sex, she just wasn't aroused. She did it to make me happy. I feel so awful reddit. I don't want to have sex if she doesn't want it. I mean, of course I want sex, it's amazing, but only if she is really wanting it.
I suggested we talk to her doctor maybe, or we can set something up with a sex therapist? I don't know. I love her, but I also can't go without sex either... | Gf and I are compatible in all ways except the bedroom. She told me she doesn't get aroused anymore, and I don't know what to do. |
t3_2pecbr | relationships | What do you want when you come home from a stressful day at work? | My (20f) boyfriend (22m) of a year and a half has been very stressed out at work lately and most days when he comes home he is in a bad mood (understandably) and seems to get irritated by anything/everything I say and do. I see why he is not in a great mood, I just don't think it's fair for him to take it out on me. We've been arguing a lot because of it, which isn't normal for us. I'm getting worried that I did something or am doing something wrong that is making him feel angry towards me and he's just using work as an excuse to be mad. | I'm just asking for some advice on the best way to make my boyfriend feel better once he gets home from work if he's had a bad day. |
t3_4lw2o1 | dating_advice | 23(M) wants to message a girl I only briefly met at a meetup. | I met this cute girl the other day at a meetup (not a singles meetup) but she didn't stay too long because the organizers changed the event. I ended up talking with her for only a few seconds, and she seemed cool, but it was more of an introduction then a conversation. We are both going to another meetup, this time a camping trip. I want to message her because she lives close to me and drives, and I think it would be cool to carpool with her rather then take the bus. I know I am way over thinking this, I just want everybody's advice to see if I should message her or just wait until I see her next time? | met a girl at a meetup group, she didn't stay long because they changed the event that we were attending, going camping with same group next week and want to message her. |
t3_2qvl9q | offmychest | Trying to get over a guy that was talking to me then stopped. | This guy used to go to my school and he contacted me over social media and we got to talking and I gave him my number. So then we are texting and he's really funny and flirtatious and I think he likes me and he's tagged me in those lame pictures "tag someone who" and it's like "whose hot" or "your crush" so I come to think he actually likes me and I like him a lot now..or the idea of him. We texted everyday for almost a week.
So recently we stopped. I look online and he's commenting on a girl who I know, who is younger than me, and asking for her number. So yeah I got really hurt. And he stopped texting me after that then he randomly tagged me in a picture saying "tag someone who is hot" and it's like why are you playing me like that? It's like talk to me or talk to another girl if you're serious which I'm concluding he's not.
I messages him that I don't have a phone anymore and sorry on Instagram and he never responded. And just now my friend texted me if I'm over him which I say not really and she shows me a picture of him messaging her on Instagram asking for her number. Yeah I kinda broke down but I can't help it. I'm not that type of person to just flirt with anyone and play with people's feelings. I know I should move on but idk. I just needed to get it out. | 19 year old guy came on to me but now is doing the same to other girls. I thought he really liked me but now I'm questioning myself and its really bringing down my self esteem. |
t3_2npwnz | tifu | TIFU by not pressurizing properly | So today I went to a ski resort in Breckenridge, Colorado to check things out before I ski. We go all the way up with no difficulties and it was a beautiful place.
Now, Breckenridge is about 13,000 ft. (~4000 meters) and Denver itself is around 5,400 ft. (~1600 meters). Off the bat I fall asleep with my Beats studio headphones on and wake up by the time we get home. At this point, the change in altitude was 7600 ft. (~2400 meters). I wake up blissfully, have a good stretch, and take off my headphones. All of a sudden my ear drums burst with pain. Turns out the Beats studio headphones completely sealed off my ears and allowed no change in pressure, thus, when removing my headphones my ear drums were not prepared for the rapid change in altitude pressure. Fuck science. | Ears drums exploded due to Beats studio headphone maintaining the same pressure. Kept them on at a high altitude and took them off at a low altitude. RIP my eardrums. |
t3_32cngl | relationships | How does one become comfortable with loneliness? | I'm not entirely sure this is a question for /r/relationships but I figure it can't hurt to give it a shot - and please forgive me for any gaps in thought.
I'm a 24-year-old male who's going to be finishing up college in the next year or so and I've come to realize lately that I've been feeling really lonely. I've tried dating (off and on for about two years - it's hard to date when you're in school and older than just about everyone who attends) and needless to say, it hasn't really worked out - most dates kinda fizz out because of my own fears of rejection and such.
That's not to say I won't stop dating and working on myself - but I realize now that I'm at a rather turbulent (is that the proper term?) point in my life - I'm getting job offers for places out-of-state and will probably be moving around quite a bit for summer/winter jobs until I graduate - what I'm assuming is prime time for meeting and dating people.
I'm just trying to come to grips with the fact that I probably won't find anyone who'd be willing to put up with this (and that's ok!) But I do really want to know - is there some secret to being comfortable with loneliness? There's periods where I don't really mind it - but obviously there's times where it can get to be a bit overbearing and I'd like to find a way to minimize (or eliminate) that altogether. | guy in school who's going to be moving around a lot is lonely and wants to find out if there's some sort of trick to getting over it/minimizing the feeling. |
t3_1rx156 | relationships | After living together for four years we have become too comfortable with each other. [22F and 20M] | We still love and care about each other and don't want to break up, but we have become too comfortable with each other.
The stress of owning a home both working full time and opposite shifts is really getting to us. We hardly get to spend time together anymore because as soon as he picks me up from work (10pm) it's time for him to go to bed to be to work at 4am.
I know we have the spark still it's just hiding. For our four year anniversary we went to visit my uncle in Seattle, went to Oregon and hiked in a Rainforest and visited cannon beach, we even went to Alaska for the day. We have the time of our lives and I saw the spark the entire time.
I think the stress from working and never really being ahead financially is taking it's toll on us big time. We hardly have sex anymore and we don't do anything anymore. It's pretty hard to schedule dates when we work opposite shifts. | After living together for four years the spark seems to be hiding from stress, not being able to have date nights, and financial troubles. How do we fix this? |
t3_9bzm6 | AskReddit | Attention Reddit Engineers: Please help high school student with deciding which type of engineering to go into! | I am thinking about going into engineering for university (mech, elec, civ, chem, etc). However, I know little about each type of engineering, other than that I would not really like software or computer engineering. This is because while I have taken programming classes and done well, I really prefer physics and chemistry as subjects to learn about. I realize that I should be doing research, but I feel like some first hand accounts of what each type is like would be valuable (workload/difficulty during university, what you do each day, what you get paid, how much you enjoy it, etc). | High school student needs to know what each different type of engineering is like (difficulty of uni workload, what job is like, what you get paid, etc.) |
t3_3fqsmx | relationships | Me [20 F] with most of my friends [20-25 F's], I feel like my insecurity and self esteem from past relationships/friendships has lead to me ruining my newer friendships. How do I overcome this? | I don't want to make this too long, but basically I had some shitty friends in my younger years (all through K-12), and it was only in college that I really made some good friends. I had to transfer schools because of academic reasons after 2 years (switched majors), and as a result I lost some friends because of the distance.
I feel like as a result of the shitty friends when I was younger and some of the friends that lost contact after I transferred I'm very paranoid about my friends not liking me or just pretending to be friends with me. There are very few close friends I don't have this worry about.
Recently I've been worried that a friend I've made about 6 months back through work doesn't like me anymore now that she doesn't work with me anymore. But in reality I think I'm just getting insecure about the friendship and ruining it myself by becoming clingy and overthinking it.
Why am I having these issues even now that i'm older? How can I stop ruining my friendships because of the things that I'm most likely just making up in my head? How do I know if these people actually don't like vs me just being paranoid? | Shitty friendships in the past have made me paranoid about people. I feel like this has led me to ruin my own friendships. Very recently I think I've been pushing a friend away with this insecurity. |
t3_4bf147 | tifu | TIFU by choking on McNuggets and being late for my exam. | So this morning I woke up at 7:45 and my school normally starts at 8. Being the retard I am by oversleeping my 20 alarms, I hastily got dressed. On my way out the door to school, I realized that I had a box of 10 chicken nuggets leftover from last night. I figured I could use some breakfast since I had my math exam today. I ran to school and by the time I got to the front entrance of the school there were still 2 pieces left of the nuggets. I shoved them in my mouth, threw the box away as I ran up the flight of stairs to my math class. On my way up the stairs, I started choking on the nuggets and coughed bits of it everywhere. Choking on tiny chicken bits and nearly out of breath, I fought to get to my class. By the time I had finished getting up the stairs, the bell had rung. I got to my class and the second I came through the door, the teacher demanded that I sit out for the duration of the class as I was late. I tried explaining to her that I started choking on my breakfast on my way up the stairs but she wouldn't have it.
I can only retake the exam next week for a maximum of 85pts (B+) and since it had been like my 10th time late in the same quarter, I got sent home early. | Choked on chicken nuggets as I was getting to math class, got sent home early and can't retake test to get 100%. |
t3_3cefmt | relationship_advice | I'm (22f) am concerned about communication in my relationship (28m) | I've been with my current significant other for about six months now. When he's with me he seems to be perfectly capable of being confident and charming. However....
This weekend he had one of his friends from California come out to visit. I'm a very strong willed, outgoing woman. His friend was equally sarcastic. My fiancé tends to have this problem when put between two confident outgoing people, he either shuts down or gets angry.
The best (and most recent example) is when we all went out to lunch and he blew up on me for giving him shit. He yelled at me at the table, and slammed his fists down as well. He then went to the men's bathroom to puke because he has terrible anxiety, and so forth.
He said I was reminding him of his ex who left him 3 years ago. He was arrested for a sex crime, and she took half of their belongings and moved on.
There have been other things he said he will work on, like actually hearing me out on things that are bothering me. There have three instance in which I was too, apprehensive, about communicating with him things that needed to be changed because I knew he was going to cry, and get so frustrated that a resolution was possible. This eventually just led to me not really delving into my problems.
Here's what I do want to do, as this is turning into a wall of text.
1. I want to help build self esteem and confidence in this man, and more importantly in our relationship. Besides these things, everything else is very freaking awesome.
2. I want to be able to breathe in my own house and not feel obligated to love on or touch him 24/7
3. I want to be able to talk to him, about our relationship good and bad, without it crumbling to pieces and making me the bad guy.
How can I express these concerns to him, tactfully, so I can get the best outcome for both parties? | My fiancé can be a total emotional toss up, but is sincerely an awesome guy. Looking for advice on how to talk with him and ask for breathing room in my own home. |
t3_54imh2 | relationships | How can I talk to my[22F] dad[70M] about me staying at my boyfriend's [23M] house a couple times a week? | Background:
So my father is a very traditional Mexican father. He has always been very strict on my sisters and I. My mother left when I was a teen, and although I still talk to her, I can't rely on her for anything financially. My dad has our best interest at heart and he always pushes me to do my best. As such, he always pushes me to work in my field (legal), even while in school. I only have one year left until I graduate. Anyways, my current job is an hour away from my home with traffic but only 10 minutes from my boyfriends home (didn't plan this, he just lives in the city).
My boyfriend would love for me to sleep at his house a couple nights a week to make it easier on me to go to work and school. However, I don't know how to talk to my dad about this. I know he won't like it. My dad currently pays my car insurance, and helps me out if there is anything major.
I love my dad, and I understand why he wants things a certain way. But at this time, freeing up almost 2 hours a day/5 days a week could be so helpful to study, sleep, and relax. I want to be able to let my dad know this without him icing me out. I'm ok with him being upset and not understanding, but I couldn't stand him being mad at me forever (especially since he's older).
Thank you so much for your time and consideration to this post. | How can I talk to my super strict dad about letting me sleep over at my boyfriend's house? I'm worried he'll cut me off financially, or worse give me the cold shoulder. |
t3_1vwe7r | relationships | How do you think social media affects your relationship? | Me [24 M] with my GF [21 F] of 1 year.
I think my relationship is negatively affected. I can't seem to communicate with my female friends via social media without my GF having something to say. Sometimes she goes as far as to "favorite" or "like" a comment I make to a female friend to passively let me know that she's watching...
I also sometimes see her "liking" some pictures on instagram of dudes' selfies, sometimes from as far as like 50+weeks ago. I do get a little jealous but I really think its because of social media.. how do you guys deal with it? | Social media really brings out the jealously in both myself and my SO. what do you think? how should we remedy this? |
t3_47ssoq | relationships | Me [18/M] with my BPD GF [17/F], need help | Some of you may remember me from my last post, [where my GF fucked up so called "night of my junior life".] And the thing is... i stayed.
And it's getting worse. And i don't what to do. And i don't know what I shall do. Or what's the best for me.
It's about her. But mostly it's about me, and my unspecified feelings. So, we still have arguments from time to time and what scares me the most is her ability to just forget whatever happened. She can yell that she hates me, that i fucked up her day (she recently had birthday) but when her crying won't work on me she puts all the blame on me and unfortunately... i apologize. The worst thing i could possibly do. Or, even better, she changes her words around and makes this argument pointless and silly. And she forgets about it. Next day.
So, i spent her birthday by her side, and i'm not sure what I feel and what i'm supposed to feel. When she hugged me, kissed me, I had this weird feeling that... I had to be there. I don't want to. But i don't want to hurt her at the same time. Come on, few hours back we had serious argument in which she stated she's going to cry all night and she hates me (also that i will end this relationship in months time, i guess she kinda expects it).
I'm not sure I want to break up. It's killing me inside. But there's another issue. In two months time I have my big exam (my country equivalent of USA SAT). And I'm not sure what will happen if I break up with her. I read a lot about problems after breaking up with BPD partners and I'm scared I won't be able to focus on studying and basically screw up my life. | not sure what to do with my bpd partner, as my SAT is coming closer and closer, scared i will fail. |
t3_13t6jb | dating_advice | I (20M) am falling for a girl (20F), but she already has a boyfriend. What should I do? | I just want to apologize for the long post beforehand.
I met this beautiful girl (let's call her G) in mid-October. I actually first saw G around campus in early September, but never mustered up the courage to talk to her. Which is why I was so relieved when G randomly started talking to me last month.
The past six weeks, G and I have spent a lot of time together. It was during this time that I realized how I really felt about G and suddenly could not stop thinking about being with her.
Earlier this week, G and I were sharing dinner and I made a comment about how many different beers were being served at the restaurant. G then casually mentioned that she didn't drink because her *boyfriend* didn't want her to. I was just crushed when she said, "boyfriend" but I tried to keep a straight-face and finish dinner.
I struggled with my situation for the entirety of Thanksgiving break and finally decided to post here for some advice. Personally, I am completely against trying to break up someone's relationship (even if the boyfriend is a control freak). I feel it's wrong to think about being with someone who is already in a relationship.
But, as hard as I try, I cannot stop thinking about her. Anytime I'm alone, my mind wanders and starts fantasizing how my life would be if I was with G. During Thanksgiving dinner, I wanted nothing more than to have her sitting next to me and meeting my family. When I was watching a TV show she recommended, all I wanted was to have her sitting next to me on the couch.
Hopefully someone else here has struggled or is struggling with a similar situation and can shed some light. Thank you so much. | I fell for a girl before she told me that she had a boyfriend. But, I can't stop thinking about her, even though I feel as if it's wrong. What should I do? |
t3_269zpu | relationships | Me [24 M] with my GF [24 F] of 4 years, she had her drink spiked and cheated on me as a result... | She doesnt remember anything from the night and she doesnt want to. She didnt know she had slept with someone else until i asked her to find out for my sake. She wont explore any further, and wont tell me names, or circumstances from the night (she could find out from one of the people who was there) besides the fact that she did sleep with someone else. She wont tell me who or if she consented.
I guess my question is how do i deal with this? I am a very fact driven person and uncertainty irritates me a lot (hence why i asked her to find out if she did the act). Is this cheating? Or is it something else? | girlfriend of 4 years with perfect track record gets her drink spiked in a dodgy country and sleeps with another man, i need advice on how to deal with it. |
t3_1m9zx1 | relationships | Me[26M] totally deceived by co-worker [22F] who pretended to be someone completely different than who she is. | I met a girl at work about three months ago. She seemed really cool and the more we got to talk to each other, the more I thought we had in common.
She would mention things like that she was going home to "hop on X-box Live" or mention obscure black metal bands that I love that she is also a fan of.
I honestly couldn't believe that I had met someone I had so much in common with and before I knew it, we were hanging out at work a lot and soon texting with some frequency. We were kind of dating and I was close to making it something more official. I told a friend about how I met this girl who was too good to be true and it turned out that her brother went to high school with her.
I am not a facebook person but she is and she pulled up this girl's facebook profile. EVERYTHING she told me was a lie. She made up stories about her family being estranged from her because she wanted to relate to the fact that I no longer speak to my parents. However, there were photos everywhere on FB of her and her family with captions like "I love my mom and dad!!!."
All of her favorite bands were Latino pop music and her favorite movies were romantic comedies. Nothing that we talked about was represented at all. She even lied about her ethnic background, telling me she was Native American and Italian though her she listed herself on FB as Puerto Rican.
It appears that she was listening to my conversations with my co-workers about my likes and dislikes and making up stories. I think she was going so far as to troll fb pages of people she knows I am friends with as she friended some of them in the weeks that we were hanging out.
I am so confused? Why in the world would she misrepresent herself this way? I honestly thought I found someone who understood me on a level no one else ever had. What makes a person do this? | Met a girl at work who seemed to be perfect for me. Turned out she lied about everything she liked and I cannot figure out why. |
t3_35jt6c | relationship_advice | [26f] On-going interaction with ex [26/m] has left me confused and distracted... | I dated this guy for a few months after having been in the same friend circle for a few years. He was wonderful and we ended up really liking each other but unfortunately, I ended up getting into law school several hours away (Michigan, he's in DC). We didn't want to do long distance, so we "broke up" only we still see each other occasionally when I'm in town on breaks and hook up.
I basically need some help in dealing with this situation. Sometimes I feel like things are fine and it's kind of an at-will hook-up which is convenient and nice when it happens, but at the same time, I have had trouble moving on and dating other guys (not to mention zero time, because, guys law school is hard) and the thought of him with another girl makes my skin crawl, though I'm sure it's happened at least once.
I don't want to lose him in my life and daydream about us getting together after I finish school but I recognize this isn't healthy (and it even sometimes interferes with my schoolwork). I think I know the answer here is to cut him off completely, but want some encouragement or advice on other ways I can keep him in my life and stay in touch, but not let it be a detriment to my day-to-day life. i want to be open to meeting someone here too if possible. If you've had experience in this kind of situation (the dreaded wrong timing issue) please share your experience. I am not consciously waiting around for him (going on dates, trying to meet people, not reaching out to him when I'm here at school) yet I may be holding myself back by continuing to see him every few months. | Broke up with a wonderful man to go to school, we still hook up but it's making me a bit nutso, trying to figure out if this can continue in some fashion or if I need to cut him off completely. |
t3_1bdtpp | offmychest | Anxiety and emotions | I'm sure I'm not the first person to feel like this, but I guess it's a good idea to talk about it.
There's this girl who I can't get out of my mind. She, in my opinion, is one of the most beautiful girls in my town. We started off as friends going to semi-formal, but since then it's escalated quite a bit.
I'm just simply scared of losing her. I text her everyday and that's good, but I'm too socially awkward and scared to do anything else. I'd love to hang out with her but I'm worried I'll do something wrong and mess things up between us, but I also feel like I'll lose her interest if I don't ask to see her in real life.
It's weird really, I feel/know I can be myself with her, but I guess I feel almost unworthy? I feel the need to act proper and professional as if she isn't a good friend, when I know I can be my own person. Again, it might just be anxiety, but I've never been good with these kinds of things. | I'm scared of losing this amazing girl I've become close with, but don't know what to do in order to be with her/further develop our relationship due to those fears |
t3_38z5gu | relationships | My gf [21f] of 15 months and my best friend [24m] got hammered and ended up fooling around. | A group of us went out to the bars for drinks, we were all pretty drunk. We walked back to our hotel room and continued to drink. We were all about ready to go to bed but my gf and my friend went outside to have a cigarette before bed (they were completely hammered at this point). I passed out. When I woke up both of them weren't in the room. I walked out to my friend's car and they were both in there half naked. Turns out he fingered her and she gave him a blow job.
My friend and I have been friends since 1st grade, and I currently live with my gf. Both don't drink a lot like that so they well exceeded their limits.
I really don't know what to think or do.. part of me wants to try and forgive them and try to move on, and the other part wants me to send her packing and cut ties with my friend. | My gf and best friend got super wasted and ended up fooling around, and I don't know what I should do. |
t3_31arog | relationships | My (M37) ex (F36) is blaming me for everything and tell that I still need to help her. | I can be quite neurotic, I know that.
I've (36M) been in a relationship with a girl (36F) for past year. After 8 months I broke up with her.
Now she puts all the blame for everything bad that happened during last year.
I didn't cheat, didn't do anything wrong I just don't feel we are good fit and I don't want to be together. How to defend myself? How not to feel guilty?
She says that i am neurotic and my anxiety attacks destroyed her. She says that I have to change my
therapist so I can get better and I have to help her. I feel bad about her. I've just paid for her car to be repaired. I feel like I was always doing what she expected and she says that I was egoistic and neglecting
her needs. At the beginning of our relationship she moved to my my city so 'she could help me'.
I never asked her about that. She stopped working and was expecting me to take care of her.
I was paying for everything, apartment, holidays, her therapy, when she was sick her doctor etc.
At the time she was complaining that I was helping my brother that had health problems, now she
is complaining that she was tolerating me taking care about my family and now when she needs help
I am not there.
I feel even bad telling her that about the things she did to me, because she tells that I am making her suffer even more and frankly I don't even see a point in blaming each other. I want peace.
I feel guilty for everything I did or didn't do. She is telling me
to take responsibility for what I've provoked in her. That my character provoked her breakdown.
Is it possible? Can people expect that from one another? I don't see our future together. I don't even
want to see her in person now because I know my guilt will make me do everything for her. | Broke up with a girl. Girl is putting blame on evertything that happened in her life on my. She expects me to come back and fix it. |
t3_2da8nn | relationships | Me [20/F] got broken up with ex bf [21/M] over relationships of 3 yrs. I meet a new guy, don't feel attached, want to break it off. Still love ex, help. | Nearly 5 months ago, my ex wanted to break off out 3yr relationship to focus on himself. We agreed we'd spend the summer apart and see how it works out. A month after the break up I meet a guy i like and i ended up having sex with him.
My ex found out and it really hurt him. I understand where he comes from but he was really mean to me about it. I tried to move on and am happy with this guy, but not as happy as i was.
I haven't seen my ex since the break up but i think about him constantly. I've met the new guys family (mom, dad, sister, cousin etc) i don't want to hurt his feelings as he's done nothing wrong but I don't feel strongly about him and know that i never will. Although I enjoy spending time with him, i don't want to be in a relationship with him.
The new guy keeps hinting for me to ask him out (he made a joke saying if we go out i have to ask him because he's afraid i'll say no if he asks) i don't want to ask him though. I don't want to be in a relationship with him but i can't just drop him. I still love my ex but i know if i say anything it'll cause chaos. I think he's met a new girl too but i can't confirm it. I don't know what to do.
How do i deal with this? | After trying to move on from ex, become close to new guy, realized that i still love my ex, afraid to drop new guy, afraid to talk to ex. |
t3_d3xxv | AskReddit | Your first real taste of depression. | What did you feel? What did you think? What did you do?
Mine was from TV. I was old enough to have an understanding of heaven and hell and good spirits and evil spirits. In some old black and white movie, this old, infirm woman was sitting by the fireplace. Somehow the film communicated evil spirits were about and that they caused a log from the fireplace to roll and catch the old woman's dress (or blanket) on fire. She died. I couldn't understand why the good spirits didn't protect her from the evil spirits. I was confused and depressed for days. I can remember telling myself that things will return to normal. They eventually did, but I think it was my first taste of depression. | as a kid, I see an old woman murdered by evil spirits on TV. I get sad and confused and depressed and keep telling myself I'll feel better eventually until I finally do. |
t3_cf2zt | AskReddit | What can I do over the summer to make up for my lack of extracurricular activities (as a junior) | So I literally have had no extracurricular activites (sports, clubs) for my entire span of highschool. I've had a part-time job for two years and lots of partying, tutoring, and fixing computers, but none in terms of filling in the application with things that will raise the chances of my admission.
I'm at a 4.0 GPA with nothing going for me but 2 years of work experience and tutoring (I live in Southern California, where the average GPA is over 4.0). What can I possibly do that will look so good to colleges that they will overlook the fact that I crammed it in the same year that I applied? | I need extracurricular activities that look great, despite the fact that they are being done on the same year of application. |
t3_4i5u4x | relationships | Me [20F] with my boyfriend [20M] - he's moving across the country for the summer and I feel he has given me a sort of ultimatum | My boyfriend and I met in the fall of 2015 in class and became friends when we found out we lived in the same dorm building. This past fall we moved into a house with a group of friends and eventually things became romantic between us. Timelines are blurry, but we've been exclusive physically since January and decided to commit to being in a relationship in March.
Now it's May, and he's moving back to his home state for the summer (it's a four hour plane ride away, for reference). He'll be gone until July, when he'll come back for 10 days, then gone again until early September. Originally we had both agreed it would be best to not stay together for the summer as our relationship is young and three months apart is less than ideal.
A few days ago he mentioned he would absolutely hate the thought of me sleeping with someone else over the summer and that if I did, he wouldn't want to know - he'd just want to be blissfully ignorant to it. That conversation essentially evolved into him saying he wanted to stay together for the summer because he knew he wanted to be with me and had no desire to be physically or emotionally involved with someone else, so he didn't see a reason for us to separate. He *then* goes on to say that if we didn't stay together for the summer, and especially if I was physically or romantically involved with someone else, he didn't see a chance for our relationship to continue once he returns in the fall.
I now feel like he has placed some sort of ultimatum on me, because he decided he wants to either stay together or break up permanently - and it's on me entirely to make the decision.
We've discussed how I feel pressured (and he has said multiple times that he doesn't mean for it to be an ultimatum, he's just expressing his feelings), but I never feel any resolution or progress.
I really just don't think I'll be happy in a long distance relationship for three months and I'll grow to resent him, but I could be wrong. I also don't want our relationship to be permanently severed, because I really do care about him. | Boyfriend either wants to date long distance for three months or permanently break up. I don't think I could handle the distance well, but also do not desire to permanently break up. |
t3_fwjr5 | AskReddit | Sexual Assault? Advice needed ASAP... | My sister is a 19 year old student at university in the UK, last night she went out with a couple of friends & one of the girls boyfriend who was visiting. They went back to their halls & sat in her room chilling. They sparked up a spliff, which made my sister whitey. While she was being sick, the boy (I say boy, he's 28) was rubbing her back and comforting her. The other girls went into the kitchen, he started grabbing her bum which she moved away from. He then tried to reach down her top, she moved away and put her hand over, he grabbed her hand out the way and put his hand inside her bra. She jumped up and ran out the room in tears....
It ended in a bit of a confrontation with the girlfriend crying and the boy calling my sister a drunken slag! She wouldn't make this up, she keeps blaming herself for being in that state, but he took advantage & surely that's sexual assault!? Because it's her best friends boyfriend she hasn't done anything about it, I want her to report it to the security where she lives and get this scumbag banned from visiting her halls...she should feel comfortable and safe in her own home! And if he can do that to his girlfriends best friend, I worry what he might do to anyone else! She keeps saying she doesn't want to lose her friend over it.
I don't know what to say to her, I'm so angry and upset! Also living on the other side of the country so feel pretty useless... | my sister was drunk and being sick, best friends boyfriend felt her up and put his hand in her bra. Sexual abuse? She won't report it. |
t3_17p7fk | dogs | Moved from AskReddit: How can I make my dog more comfortable until getting him to a vet for allergies? | I have a 3lb chihuahua with severe allergies. He's allergic to most dog food, fleas, and grass.
As advised by the vet, I make sure that he has no fleas on him, make sure his food is wheat/gluten/starches free, and use a cloth to wipe off his little paws after he comes inside. I also give him 1cc of children's benedryl twice a day, and rub him down with olive oil to reduce skin irritation.
The main problem is, he's scratching to the point of bleeding and causing sores. He's also tearing out fur.
While he's always had allergies, it has only gotten this bad in the recent months. I'll be getting him to the vet next week after I get paid, but something needs to be done now, because he's hurting himself. I've tried keeping coats on him, but he tears them off. My mother in law is making padding booties for him but... he's going to be miserable.
Any advice is appreciated. | Chihuahua has severe allergies and benedryl isn't helping. He's hurting himself he's scratching so much. |
t3_fdh08 | AskReddit | How do you (politely) get someone you work with to stop clinging to you? | Well technically, we're teammates, not co-workers, but the idea is the same.
The girl is the most socially awkward person I've ever met, completely incapable of having a normal conversation without it ending with everyone slowly wandering away individually in awkward silence. In addition to committing what we call "social brutality," she also gets all sorts of privileges granted to her only because she's the only black person on a ~40 person team.
The rest of the team is mercilessly rude to this girl, but that goes against my good nature. I've been polite, but never "leading on" that we're any sort of friends, just "co-workers." Yet because I'm the only one who even tolerates her, she latches on to me at every opportunity, and it's wearing me down. Not only is it incredibly aggravating, but now people won't come talk to me in fear of the girl latching on. | How can I make it obvious that I am uncomfortable and annoyed by a girl's inability to conduct herself socially, without being explicitly rude and creating 'workplace' tension? |
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