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t3_3y35iy | relationships | My girlfriend [22F] of almost 6 years says she'd leave me [24M] if I don't inevitably get an adequate job | We're both currently in college, though she's younger than me. I've been in college for more years than I'd like to admit because I've been so indecisive about a major (majority of those years at a community college until last year). I'm about to get a psychology degree, but everyone knows you can't go anywhere with that, so I've contemplated going for a marketing degree ... also hard to get a great job with that, but better than a bachelor's in psychology.
She recently told me that she'd leave me if I didn't get a good job/make good money. I told her I'd be content with $30/hour as my base, and she makes it sound like that's "Not enough." and that "You can't have a family on that."
Meanwhile, she's into fashion and graphic design, both of which are highly competitive (what isn't nowadays, really?). Like I said, we've been together for almost 6 years and she to this day constantly says how much she loves me, compliments me, talks about a future, etc -- it's like we're fourteen or something.
Is this something I should be bothered with? Shouldn't she love me unconditionally? Or should I appreciate her honesty? For me, I'd be disappointed if she didn't have a decent paying job, but to me threatening to leave somebody if they don't have a certain amount of money is a lot of pressure and a bit uncalled for. Still, I somewhat see where she's coming from. What say you? | Girlfriend says she would leave me if I don't make more than $30 an hour within 3-5 years. |
t3_dbwu7 | relationship_advice | Am I being ridiculous about anal sex? | I am 30f and he is 36. I consider myself fairly open about sex and everything that comes with it. I am a huge fan of anal. I am in a new relationship and at some point we had a fairly fantastic round of anal sex. It was pretty spectacular actually. A few days later, the Sig Other posts on reddit about anal sex. I won't directly quote as I am not entirely sure he wants to be put out in the spotlight about the topic but he described anal with me was like having sex with a stretched out balloon and that he just wanted to wash off afterwards. I didn't recall our session being particularly messy or smelly so I was a bit surprised at this description. Needless to say, I haven't been interested in having anal sex with him again. He doesn't seem to understand my reaction. Personally, I would rather not have anal sex with someone that describes it like that.I will give him that the rest of his post does paint the rest of our sex life to be decent but if he's not into it, he's not into it. We have plenty of other activities we can do. But now, he's talking about doing it because I *won't* ask him for it again. He thinks that just because his description was less than stellar that I should understand this doesn't mean he didn't like it. I think he should understand that "stretched out balloon" really doesn't put anyone in the sexytime frame of mind. | BF described anal sex with me on reddit with a less than glowing description and I don't want to do it with him again, am I over reacting? |
t3_zzrz6 | loseit | How do you find and keep motivation? | i've been heavy all my adult life, i've done weight watchers, i've done p90x and now i'm on keto. WW worked for me before and i enjoyed it, but i can't afford it now so i've stopped (3rd time) I have done 3 weeks of p90x before, felt great but lost my motivation. I've been on keto for two and a half weeks now and have only lost 5 pounds. During the keto stuff, i did have a couple of cheat days. i'm not proud of myself at all. Even this morning i had a piece of bread with my breakfast.
I'm having a hard time focusing and staying motivated. I'm not sure what it is, but i'm sitting here typing this in my sports bra and workout pants with sneakers. I turned on p90x, i did the warm up, did 15 pushups, i did modified pullups with my bands then i turned it off and gave up.
I've lost 24 pounds total as of this morning with diet alone. but being that I am still at 201, i am having a hard time seeing that I can do it. Im not sure how i can achieve this, i should be doing this but instead i type here with tears in my eyes because i feel like im a failure and i'm destined to be heavy for life. My goal weight is 120 and it just seems so far away. My first goal is under 200 (i'm close but have been hovering here for 2 weeks) my next goal is to get to 170 (what my drivers license says).
I know everyones motivation is different but how do you stay motivated and not feel like you're going to fail? | Having a hard time staying motivated, not working out and cheating on keto, what helps you stay motivated because i'm sure as hell having a hard time. |
t3_r7n0v | relationships | Long time ex has a new boyfriend. Confused about my feelings. | Both 22 now. Dated from 18-21. We actually haven't spoken in over a year and I have a great new girlfriend whom I've been dating for about a year. There was some bitterness over the breakup. A lot of hard feelings, especially from me. I've been more angry with myself over the decisions I made for three years and I feel stupid for having been blind to the manipulation.
just a few minutes ago I saw on facebook that she is in a new relationship.
I don't know what to think. If you asked me yesterday I would have said I don't care. But...it's weird. I'm not sure what I think. I definitely **DON'T** want to get back together with her and I am extremely happy with my new girlfriend.
Are these feelings normal? Just a confirmation that I'm no longer loved? Or do I maybe have lingering feelings? I don't think I do but maybe anybody out there has similar experience? | dated a girl for three years. Haven't spoken in over a year. she has a new boyfriend. weird feelings...are they okay? |
t3_2lw29z | relationships | [26/M] General advice of 5 month relationship with GF [32/F] | Hi /r/relationships,
**Back story:**
I meet my GF on Tinder 5 months ago. The first 4 months were an absolute blast. We out all the time; dinner, gigs, outdoor cinema and she even brought me to a wedding of her friends.
She started a masters back in September and it takes up quite a bit more of her time. I'm okay with this and understanding of the work she has to put in.
There were 2 incidents that I let myself down:
1) I got quite drunk one night (start of October), she was supposed to come out with my best friend and meet his girlfriend. She cancelled that day to go to a college party. I didn't express myself correctly that this actually annoyed me and had a drunken argument with her.
2) Fast forward a week later and a serious change in communication, I went out with my friends. Again I got drunk over a phone call with her and sounded extremely needy / clingy, trying to apologise for the previous week.
We talked it all out and agreed we would put it behind us. I have some insecurity and anxiety issues that I am addressing and working through it well. I'm also working on my self control while drunk and no more drunk calls, arguments, texts etc.
Now to get to my point. She's changed entirely with me, not as affectionate, no more nice messages, no more good night messages.
Basically a 180 on how we interacted. I haven't, I'm trying really hard to show her I love her, do things for her but I'm just not getting the same back or even remotely.
I guess I'm asking if you guys think this is worth it any more? Have you ever been in a relationship where a change like that as occurred? | Messed up with 2 drunken arguments / calls with GF, made up and said we would work on it. Relationship has done 180 from her perspective. |
t3_1sxd48 | relationships | I [32M] am planning on taking my [26F] girlfriend out for a sort of "last date" before she moves, and trying to keep it fun but subdued emotionally. Advice? | So the long and short of it is: I met a girl four months ago who lives in the next town over from mine. We've been seeing each other on weekends off and on, talking mostly every evening. We both knew it wasn't going to last because she's moving at month's end and we're both fine with that, but I'm trying to not leave any lingering "this is serious" or "we should wait for each other" vibes, because long distance is long distance and, despite her being pretty damn cool, I don't think the compatibility is there enough to try to work for anything more that what we've got going on.
I'm working on setting up a surprise weekend excursion for next weekend that will hopefully send her off in style. I've had this idea to go into the bigger city across from us and get a hotel for the weekend, go out for dinner, movies, walk around and generally just do nothing but relax and have a good time. As luck would have it, I got a screaming deal on a really nice hotel room that's pretty dealt out: in-building spa, super private room with a great view, jetted tub in the bedroom, full-service everything. It's really nice, but my worry is that it might come off as a bit too over-romantic, like a couples retreat instead of a place to head to when clothing becomes boring.
I bounced the idea of some friends of mine, and they agreed that I should tone it down a bit. I'm resistant to that though because I'd reeeeeally like to check this place out, but more than that I'd prefer that this break be clean because she (or anyone, for that matter) doesn't deserve to be led on. Am I looking for people to agree with me? Perhaps, but I'd much rather hear the truth. And what better place to get that than reddit? | Girlfriend is moving soon, and I'm trying to make last weekend special, but not so special that she's led to believe that I want to continue long-distance. Am I going overboard? |
t3_25uf7s | dating_advice | Very confused about this...Is she interested or just playing games? | I've known this girl for about 6 or 7 months now but I've only met her twice...she doesn't live in the same city as me but we've met up when she's been in town.
Anyway, we kept in touch on Facebook but I hadn't spoken to her in a couple of months until she randomly put up a photo of me and her together on Facebook and tagged me in it a while back so I sent her a 'hey how are you, long time no see' kind of message...to which she (somewhat surprisingly) responded to almost instantly. That set off a sequence of messages back and forth and she said that we should go cycling together when she was in the city again (she said she was hoping to visit the following weekend but that didn't happen in the end as she said she had to work). We continued chatting for the next while and I (coincidentally) had a work event coming up near where she lives so I suggested that we should meet up...she basically avoided that part of my message and talked about the other stuff I said so figured that was that and she wasn't interested at all.
Cue two weeks later she messaged me out of the blue saying she'd be in town that Saturday and that we should get lunch together - she even picked a time and a place. Then the Friday night before we were due to meet up she sends me a message cancelling...she didn't give a reason or anything, just a "I'm sorry, I can't see you tomorrow :(". I just responded with a 'too bad, let me know when you're up again and we'll go out then' kind of message and she didn't respond to that. That was about 3 weeks ago now and we haven't spoken since.
So, what I'm asking is (and I feel I probably know the answer already) does she have any interest or does she just like attention? She seems quite flakey to me. I should probably also mention that she is (quite literally) a swimsuit model so she has no lack of attention from guys. There's probably no harm in me continuing to talk to her but I dunno, it kind of feels like I'm wasting my time? What do you guys think? | Met girl that doesn't live in my city, continued to talk on FB...she seems interested and makes plans to meet up but then cancels. Not sure what to do next? |
t3_wr90z | AskReddit | The director at my work has proclaimed the US flag at half-mast for a fallen agent. From my research, this is against Flag code. Should I bring this up to someone or let it be? | So, I work for a state Government agency (won't say much more about it because of the personal information rule). A special agent from the state recently passed (I think in the line of duty) and so the director has proclaimed that the entire agency should lower US flags to half-mast for the day. From my experience (being a military brat & wife), and from doing some Google work on the flag code, I've discovered that only the President, some top *Federal* government officials, and state Governors can order the flag lowering. The Governor thing only covers if the fallen person is a member of the armed forces that died that's from that state, so that wouldn't even apply in this circumstance.
Another facet of this situation is that I'm resigning this position and leaving the state within the next couple weeks. So, I waver between a "why bother, I'm leaving" mentality and "go ahead, it's not like I'm really risking my job" one. I could talk to my manager and see if she'll take it up the chain of command. If I do this, though, do I bring it up now, or wait, out of respect, for the fallen agent's funeral/mourning to finish? | Flag at half-mast illegally at work. About to leave job at end of month. Do I bring it up to manager or let it slide? |
t3_gjb98 | AskReddit | Are you happy with your significant other? | My husband and I have been happily married for three years. We have never had to "work at" being happy together. Sure, we've had our share of fights... but we enjoy being around one another. Neither of us has ever cheated, lied, or intentionally tried to hurt the other.
Lately I've been seeing a lot of unhappy marriages/bondings. Why do people stay together if they aren't happy? Do any of you force yourselves to stay in a relationship just because you committed to it? I understand that if you have children with your SO, things are a little different... but is it really worth being miserable over?
I am an atheist... I believe there is no such thing as having a "soul mate." I think that my husband and I work so well together because we share similar personalities, interests, and memories. I think it's sad when people commit to one another, find out they don't mesh well, and then stay together anyway.
I'm just curious what would make someone stay if, say, their SO had repeatedly cheated on them. Or even if nothing that specific had happened... if there simply wasn't any love there. | Why are there so many people forcing themselves to stay in relationships where they are unhappy? Would you stay committed if you didn't love the person? |
t3_450j56 | dating_advice | Highschooler who needs help | I met this girl in early October. I immediately began to like her, but so did one of my other friends. It's mid-October now, and I was told that he was going to ask her out after school. Knowing this I made sure to ask her first, I was really unprepared and kinda blurted it out when I saw her. She said she would have to think about it and would message me later. Later that day she tells me that she just got out of a relationship and she wanted to be friends. Now, it's February and I'm still crazy about her. I was thinking about asking her again because we know each other better now. I feel like I have a chance because when I first asked her we were a little more than strangers. And now we know more about each other and talk more. My friend is kind of an ass and when he found out I was going to ask her again, he began asking people to tell me to move on. Normally at first they say that I should go for it, but then he tells them she already said no, and then they do a 180 and tell me that you shouldn't ask a girl twice. I see where they're coming from, but I don't think they understand how well we know each other, and they think she's some random girl. So basically what I'm trying to ask is whether I should ask her again, given how much more we know each other and talk. Or should I listen to the nay sayers and just forget about her? | I asked a girl out a week after I first met her and she said no. 4 months later, We are better friends , and I want to ask her again. |
t3_42th1c | relationships | I'm his 1st girlfriend at 32 years old. | 35, 2 months. I recently had a stupid fight (guilt on both sides) with my boyfriend and he ended the relationship. I have since apologized and poured my heart out to reconcile and he has completely stonewalled me. This was not an argument that should end any relationship. I am his 1st girlfriend ever and he is 32 years old. My guess is this a defense mechanism since he really doesn't know how to deal. I really want him back even though I know this will probably be an issue but he won't communicate with me at all. Is there a good way to get through to him? | He was the most loving boyfriend, one dumb fight he turned everthing off. How do I get through to him? |
t3_315woj | relationships | Me [22M] feeling despairingly lonely after I broke it off with my boyfriend [20M] after year-long relationship. | They say you shouldn't stay in a relationship because you're afraid of being alone, so I didn't, but now I feel worse and more alone than ever.
I broke up with my boyfriend of 1 year, 6 weeks ago. He claims to have been passionately in love with me and our break-up sent him into a hysterics and subsequently into bed for several days afterwards.
He tells me that he will never love anyone as much as he loved me, which is obviously hyperbolic coming from a 20 year old who's barely lived life. I never knew someone was capable of loving me that much, but I had to break up with him because no matter how much he loved me, I wasn't capable of loving him back. I know I am capable of loving someone in that way, just not him, so it felt pretty cruel to reject someone who, on paper fits the bill of exactly what I'm looking for.
We still talk, so apparently he's started dating again, but I haven't so much as spoken to another guy. I'm unemployed, had to move back in with my mother after college, and have not done much of anything since graduating 9 months ago. My social connections have evaporated and my ex-boyfriend, who has seemingly moved on without me, was my only tie to the outside world.
At least when I was dating him I may have had a lot of problems but at least I felt wanted, needed, loved, and felt important to someone. He was the one that kept me socializing, looking for freelance work, and got me out of the house. Now I just let all these same problems bounce around in my head all day, alone, in my bedroom. It certainly doesn't help that I'm not really out of the closet all the way, which was an additional obstacle in our relationship. | Feels like my life came to dead halt after my break-up. Didn't want to break up due to fear of loneliness, did it anyway, and I feel as bad as I suspected I would. |
t3_2e272f | relationships | I (24f) am really nervous about my proposal by my bf(24m) because of the ring... | My bf and i have been together 2.5 years. We love eachother very much and have been through lots together!
This evening, I overheard him talking with his dad about marrying me. No surprise, we have been discussing it for a few months now. In major excitement, I have told him about the different rings I want, showed him pictures, my wedding dresses, etc. though recently he started saying, "you are probably not going to like it, but it is going to be really traditional". (Okay................i am very nontraditional. I dont want a diamond. Period. I dont want a big engagement party, etc ect). He also insists that NO WOMAN EVER wears her ring after the wedding ceremony....and every woman in my family has, and nearly every woman i know.
But here is where i sound bratty. :(
He talked to his dad about using the ring from when his dad was married to his mom. They divorced, and his dad remarried twice and is single since then. I dont want a ring meant for someone else, let alone from a failed marriage. :( i have been dreaming of an engagement since i was a little girl, and i wanted it to be magical and all our own, not like this. :(
I am overwhelmed with guilt, frustration, and disappointment. What do i do? Should i approach him? A friend of mine suggested tipping my dad off so when my bf goes to my dad, he can kindly redirect him. But i am hesitant to bum my bf out! | my bf is going to propose to me with a ring from his mom and dads failed marriage. I am disappointed. What to do? |
t3_2oaffm | relationship_advice | I (27/m) Growing feelings for my Best Friend (29/f) and I don't know how she truly feels... | My first Reddit Post so please be easy on me :)
First a little back story. I've known my best friend (we will call her Sara) for a little under 4 years now.
We met when I actually was dating her little sister (23/f), who later left me for her boss, and has since had a child with him, but we are still both civil to each other and talk, as I am very close to their family.
Through the passed two years, Sara and I have grown the closest then either of us have been to anyone,
there is not a secret we wouldn't share, or an opinion we wouldn't voice.
A couple weeks back, we went on a trip with a couple mutual friends to hit up some bars for the night,
and have a good time. I guess that is when our mutual friends saw it, and started asking me what is going on
between the two of us, and I gave the generic, nothing we are just friends, in which they had replied with "Well
you two should be dating, you are perfect together" and that is where we left it then.
After we had gotten back, I started to see that I was beginning to have feelings for her, because after all she is pretty perfect for me. When other mutual friends had asked her about what they observe, she would tell that that I am like a brother to her, and that she would get a little upset that everyone was asking her about it. I see what would make them think that we both have mutual feelings i.e visibly jealous when I speak to other woman, very protective, etc...
but how can I find out what her true feelings are, before I go making myself look like a fool? | I (27/m) Starting to grow feelings for best friend (29/f), whose little sister I dated two years ago, and our mutual friends can see it on both sides. How do I find out her Feelings? |
t3_3qnocc | jobs | how to survive call center job? | so I recently got hired as a seasonal worker at a call center for a major clothing retailer in my city. I had always heard terrible things about working at call centers but I thought this place was going to be different because it pays well above minimum wage, has some benefits even for part-timers and it's one of my city's biggest employers. Heck, I even had friends who worked there in the past and liked it.
But now I'm starting to realize just how awful I am at answering real-life phone calls. I have answered phone calls in other jobs but never anything this complicated. I'm learning about performance metrics, QA, scripting…and how we have to pass our call evals with at least 88% or higher. I am required to upsell, push customers to apply for the store's credit card and provide at least 2 rebuttals if they decline/refuse. My training group transitioned to the sales floor yesterday where I took my first retail store call, and the customer and store associate were so rude and difficult. I have dealt w/ some awful people in my face-to-face retail jobs, but never to this extent.
I really need this job because I'm in grad school and need the $$ for textbooks and travel costs. I don't want to up and quit without a backup because that's what I did in my last job. I need to make it until at least this upcoming January just so I have something on my resume to fill the gap. | working seasonal job at inbound call center. tips on how 2 survive until at least early January or if I find something better |
t3_4md4x1 | relationships | My ex-girlfriend [19F] and I [20M] recently broke up due to her cheating with a guy [20M] also in a relationship [18F]. The girlfriend is clueless to what has happened and I'm not sure whether it's the right thing to do to tell her. | A drunken blowjob was the major reason of what split our 3 year relationship up. I found out a few months after it happened which during that time they continued to flirt but nothing more happened (presuming she's telling the truth).
From what I've heard he has also cheated on her before also. I've never met either the guy or his girlfriend but I'm presuming they know of me due to them being in the same group of friends as my girlfriend.
I feel like she deserves to know what happened like anyone else in a relationship would. In the 2 months where I had no clue I would have preferred to be told when it happened.
I feel like it's not my position to tell her. But I know her boyfriend certainly won't and my ex just wants no one to know.
If I tell her I'll feel bad because I'm potentially ending a relationship. But I'll also feel bad if I don't tell her cause she deserves to know what her boyfriend has been doing behind her back. What should I do? | Ex-girlfriend cheated on me with another guy in a relationship. The girlfriend of the guy doesn't know and I feel like she deserves to know the truth. |
t3_wo9k7 | travel | His first trip out of the US... where should I take him? (Or even within the US?) | I've got 7-10 days of vacation time in September-October, and since I love to travel I want to take my boyfriend with me. Problem is, I don't even know where to begin.
I've been to a few places in my adult life, none of which I'd mind going to again, (Mexico, some Caribbean islands, UK, France, Latvia, Lithuania, Estonia, Russia). He's been to most of the midwest US (where we live), and California.
I speak enough French to get around, he's the same with Spanish. I understand maybe 75% of spoken Russian, but I can't exactly form sentences myself.
We'd like to keep it under $1500 per person, but have no issues with youth hostel accommodations, (we're 23 and 27). We like beaches, we like nightlife, we like nature, we like luxury, we like cities.... we like basically everything. | if you could only pick one place, where would you bring someone who's never really left their area of the country and is rather nervous about it? |
t3_1s3kqn | relationships | (18M)getting mixed messages from a girl I met in one of my classes. | Ok so there is this girl I have recently started talking to in one of my classes. One day I saw her sitting by herself before class so I just walked up to her and started a conversation.Ive probably seen her and talked with her before class like 3 times a good 30minutes before class. I think I would say we have chemistry because honestly we could talk for hours, about almost anything. Whenever I see her in person, she seems like she is interested, but she is giving me signs that seem otherwise. I asked for her phone number and she gave it to me, the next day I texted her but she didn't really seem like talking(short responses, not keeping up conversation).Well yesterday I caught up with her after class and walked her to her car.
She offered to drive me to my car, and after we ended up sitting in her car and talked for an hour about some personal stuff. She told me how she used to be addicted to heroin and other things about her life and I told her things about my life. Well I asked her to come to a friends party on Friday and she told me maybe, and that she has a rehersal. I pretty much took this as a no. Since then I've sent her a friendly hello text, but haven't gotten a response.
I'm overall just frustrated, I don't know what I exactly I am doing wrong. Part of me thinks that she doesn't want to hang out with me because I smoke weed(something I've told her about) and she wants to be clean,but then again I have no clue. Does anyone has some advice? | met girl in math class, hit it of great in person, she doesn't answer my texts/ offers to go out. |
t3_2cg5xx | relationships | Need advice about a dilemma between me [20F] and my best friend/roommate [19F] of over ten years. Help!! | My best friend and I, we'll just call her "Alex", have been friends since second grade. We now go to the same college and are roommates. I have always considered Alex my best friend, but I don't think I have truly ever been considered Alex's best friend in her eyes.
I always go out of my way to get her a generous birthday gift, last year I spent $180 on her gift, and the year before that about $60. The last time I ever even received a birthday gift from her was five years ago, and it was a pink Snuggie. I hate pink.
This year I wasn't even surprised when I didn't get a gift for my birthday from her, but she didn't even hang out with me the day of. Instead, she said she was tired and just went to bed early when we had made plans to hang out that night. Her 20th birthday is coming up next week, and she invited me to the celebration she has planned. Despite the fact that it will be an outdoor party and we live in Texas, I just don't want to go because she doesn't reciprocate the efforts I make. HELP!! I need a good excuse not to go, without overtly telling her my actual problem with the situation. I don't want to get in a fight, I don't have many friends as is and I still have to live with her for the next three months. | My best friend treats me like a doormat and I need to weasle my way out of this situation! |
t3_284768 | relationships | I [20 F] am starting to date a guy [27 M]…again, problem is I was once really attracted to his brother [24 M] and maybe still am. What should I do? | Me [20 F] and this guy [27 M], let's call him CJ, have been friends/ going out on and off for over a year now. We met a year ago and went on a couple dates, hit it off but decided we'd be better as friends. We both dated other people for a while and now we're both single again. We hung out as friends a couple times then it developed into something more. I have tons of fun hanging out with CJ and we get along famously. The only problem is I'm not crazily attracted to him.
While I was single and CJ was still dating I met his younger brother and felt an instant connection. We had a short fling but it ended with the brother being sort of an asshat. I got over it and have been able to be friends with the brother even though he ALWAYS flirts with me and the attraction is very hard for me to ignore. I know the brother would probably be bad for me but he's undeniably the one I'm most physically attracted to.
I'm pretty sure I should stay away from both of them but I know it's going to be impossible. I don't want to cause any drama, I mean they're brothers and they would obviously pick each other over me if I was causing a problem right? Should I talk to them about it or leave it alone? What should I do? | Going out with guy who I like, am attracted to his younger brother. Should I just stay away from both of them? Or what? |
t3_301ltl | relationships | I [28M], hate where I live with my [28F] girlfriend. Is that reason enough to end an otherwise good relationship? | Brief background:
Both my gf and I are 28 years old, dating for 3 years and living together for 1.
She is a teacher and is on the verge of potentially getting on a tenure track here in NY.
I have a stable, stead job but not something I'm passionate about and am looking to make a change.
She has always wanted to be a teacher and if she gets this job she is reluctant to ever leave NY. I absolutely hate NY and cannot see myself living here forever (I am originally from NJ and I want to be open to moving back to NJ or even CA or CO down the line).
She says she might, one day, be willing to move but I think she is just saying that. Otherwise, everything else is good with us.
NY is too expensive (taxes and homes), the cold is getting to me and I want to be somewhat closer to either the beach (NJ or CA) or the mountains (CO).
I obviously can't suggest a move until I have a super solid career and a job lined up elsewhere (though I can commute to NYC if we move to NJ) but it seems like she won't ever be open to the theoretical move, no matter what.
She knows and has known how much I dislike where we live now. I don't have any support system here (family, friends) but she grew up here and has both.
I feel sick over this situation and need guidance/insight. | I hate the state I currently live in with gf, she loves it. I want to be free to eventually move one day, I'm not sure she is. |
t3_1oyfg2 | relationships | Butterflies - or lack thereof. [27M] | My best friend (27/F) and I dated for a few months before I broke things off. Everything seemed perfect - we got along great, had incredible sex, etc. That being said, I never felt the "butterflies" or "spark" that I had with other girls -- I never felt truly attracted to her. With other girls (specifically a few of my long term 1+ year relationships), when I rang their doorbell and saw them walking to let me in, I felt something special seeing them for the first time that day. It was a rush. With my best friend, I felt nothing.
This fact manifested itself in various ways. I'm an extremely affectionate person, but with her, I was not at all. Holding hands made me uncomfortable. Sexually I'm generally a giver, but with her I mostly took. I just didn't feel like I had the same sexual drive as I had with other girls. Not to say we didn't have a good sex life, it was probably the best (on paper) of any relationship I've had. But where with other girls I couldn't keep my hands off them, with her I was mostly uninterested until I got really horny.
However, our interpersonal relationship is by far the best I've ever had. She is my closest friend. Even after our breakup we have remained extremely close.
So my question is this -- With this girl it seems like our friendship essentially eliminated the honeymoon period. Should I get over this and try to explore the relationship? She is completely in love with me, but I feel like I'm not prepared for this at this point in my life. I guess I'm looking for advice from people who have either gone with the person that give them butterflies, vs. the people who have decided to date their best friend. | is dating your best friend a good idea if the physical attraction isn't quite there? She is far from ugly, but just doesn't quite do it for me. |
t3_23oy4d | offmychest | Feeling less than sexy. | *Sorry if this is a bit long but it feels good just to put shit out there.*
I leave my abusive POS husband of 5 years for raping me and putting our 4yo daughter into unacceptable situations. I finally learn what love really is with my closest guy friend and less than 4 wks into our flowering relationship find out I'm pregnant which in itself is amazing, I'm on BC and conception has always been a difficult thing for me. After many Dr.'s appointments we learn(thankfully) I wasn't pregnant by my Ex from when he raped me.
We almost got excited to bring a life into this world together, thinking if we could survive both our failed marriages and the stress of my custody battle for my daughter, we would be more than capable of parenting together. We found out 2 wks ago I had miscarried, I've been emotionally stable thanks to my SO's support, but the process has been tearing me down.
Thanks to my body hating me it has taken thus far 12 days to pass everything, I'm low on iron and feel weak constantly from the blood loss. I try to keep my SO happy with BJ's and try to remain confident in my own skin, but I feel like a failure in so many ways. I wish my body would just stop, I get it ok, I passed the poor thing last night while having my 2am smoke can I get a fucking break now? I am constantly reassured by my SO that everything is OK and he still finds me attractive, but I am definitely feeling less than sexy in the state I'm in. I am sure glad he loves me like he does otherwise I'd be a broken mess. | Left my raping asshole husband, got pregnant from my new boyfriend, only to find out I miscarried, definitely a bit lost. |
t3_50kudt | relationships | Me [22F] with my roommate's [28M] friend [34F], she made some really anti-Semitic comments. I'm Jewish (she doesn't know) and my roommate didn't take it seriously. How to proceed? | So, for starters, I'm a recent college grad living with my girlfriend (both women) and my friend and coworker. My coworker/roommate is a super cool guy, and he enjoys partaking in various drugs (weed, molly, shrooms, etc) which I have no problem with.
My roommate had a couple of friends over the other day, a couple, Jenn and Mark. Jenn and Mark were there to hang out with Jay (roommate). So we're all in my roommates room except for Jay, who is in the bathroom. Jenn and I are talking and laughing and she says she used to want to be a comedian and still does. I noticed before on a previous visit that she uses the term "Jew" as if it's a derogatory slang word. I didn't think much of it other than it was sort of rude to use a word like that still, and just sort of moved on. Jenn doesn't know I'm Jewish.
So, Jay is in the bathroom and Mark and Jenn start talking about how crazy Jenn's mom is. Jenn starts talking about a comic she drew of her mom, and how she drew her mom as a "Jew with a Jewfro" and how in the comic, she branded her mom with a "Jew mark." I just sort of stopped talking and let her continue, and she didn't notice my discomfort. I left the room later.
I talked to Jay and told him what was said when he was in the bathroom and he didn't seem to take it that seriously. He said he doesn't hang with them much and that they're juggalos (not sure why that's relevant) and stuff. It bothered me that he didn't take it seriously. I get that he's not religious, but being a Jew sometimes goes a little bit beyond religion (I even look pretty Jewish, and so does my family). My girlfriend is not religious and she was furious about this.
What do I do next? I'm worried about having her in my house, but it's his house too. | Roommate's friend is anti-Semitic and I'm Jewish. Worried about her finding out and being in my house. |
t3_3oxih5 | relationships | I [33 M] want a relationship now, my recent-ex [28 F] might want one again later. Good friends for now? | My friend [28 F] and I [33 M] started hooking up earlier this year after being casual friends for 5 years. We'd been having a blast and got much closer as the summer went on, though I think we were both being careful not to be too committed at first.
We eventually started referring to is as a relationship, meeting each other's families, etc. all while blurring the line between a deepening friendship and intimacy. Two months ago, she suddenly decided we need to put the brakes on the relationship and insisted we go back to being friends for now. She thought we were both in ruts in our personal lives and needed to take a break from the relationship, but remain close friends while we work our shit out. After that, "we'll see how it goes," she said.
I took it pretty hard, as she's really bad at communicating emotions. It took me the last two months to even understand from her as much as I've just explained. So now I'm pretty wrapped up in it and experiencing more heartache than I thought I would from what was a pretty casual relationship with a friend. I know we both truly care about each other as people. I might see us being just friends again someday, but I feel too strongly for now. She /might/ see us being in a relationship again someday, but just wants friendship for now. Should we take space or try to remain close till we get on the same page? | My friend and I started a relationship. She now wants friendship-only but might want a relationship again later, I want a relationship now but might be okay with just-friendship again later. What should we do? |
t3_2qh8xs | relationships | I'm [20 F] is feeling stuck in the relationship with my boyfriend [20 M] who moved across the country for me.. | I originally met my boyfriend in August of last year when I moved away for school. We were living in the same building - a residence like building - and shared a lot of friends. We eventually became very close, and the started dating towards the end of October. Living in the same building, and sharing the same circle of friends meant our relationship progressed quickly. Things were great, and I fell in love with him. We both graduated from our programs in April, and because I lived across the country, we planned for him to move back with me.
We packed up all of our stuff and then moved in with my mom until we both had jobs and could get an apartment. We got our own place in July, and have been living there ever since. All of the furniture in our apartment has come from my parents, as my mom had just bought new furniture prior to us moving, and much of it was gifted.
As of right now, he is working full time in his trade, and I am in between changing schools. I have a lot going on in my life right now, and am feeling really stressed out. I don't feel the same towards him as I did before. I find that I'm missing the spark, and I miss the feeling of being wanted. I'm bored with our relationship and I feel as though I'm taking care of him, as I do carry the majority of the responsibility. I'm keeping track of bills, planning meals, cooking, doing laundry, chores, etc. He's also not the most responsible with his money, so I'm always trying to make sure he'll be able to pay rent.
When we're not together, he is constantly texting me, even when he's working. He also checks in with me before making any decisions, so I feel really smothered.
I feel that I would like to try taking a break with him, but I don't know how it would work. He doesn't have any other place to live, I own the car we share, and he doesn't have any close friends. I fell completely stuck in the relationship and don't know where to turn. Any advice would be greatly appreciated! | Boyfriend moved across the country to live together, has no where else to live, no super close friends here. I feel stuck in the relationship. |
t3_1lvq8r | relationships | My(18) girlfriends (18) Trust issues regarding my move to University and her prior lies | So me and my girlfriend have been together ten months and I love her honestly and whole heartedly, I'm her first boyfriend as she has always been very work conscious and had trouble with sexual abuse when she was 16. She is attending an arts college for a year before going to university and i'm moving away in a few weeks to my university a two hour drive away. I spent a week at university at the start of summer to meet people on my course and (as i always have) i made friends with some of the girls on my course more than the guys. This really set my girlfriend worrying about my fidelity even though I have never given her a reason to mistrust me before. Except for one time when in a club after jokingly discussing a polygamous relationship I got really drunk and offered her up to a guy who nearly took me up on the offer before realising I was incredibly drunk. After this we took a two day break (a period where we cut all communication and let things cool before discussing issues) in which time she was talking to a guy on her street who wants her pretty bad, they even arranged to meet before we started talking again and she cancelled. I found this out a month ago and it shit me up pretty bad I confronted her about it after he text her while I was using her phone and opened the message as it came in. I really want to just tell her that she has no reason to freak out when she is three doors away from some one she can be with if she so chooses and all the girls I'll be seeing and spending time with are already just friends. It frustrates me and I want tell her how I feel but I know it will end up confrontational. I also really want to ease her trust issues. Any help or advice would be majorly appreciated. thanks guys and dolls :) | my gf doesn't trust me at uni even thou she has spoken to a guy briefly behind my back comments, help and advice |
t3_43gxl6 | relationships | [M31] My girlfriend [F27] is upset that I would begrugingly accept a lap dance at my Batchelor Party (hypothetical) | Well Reddit, after a big argument, I need someone to talk to.
I was out with the GF just now and the topic of lap dances at Batchelor parties came up.
She asked if I would get one and i replied that would be up to my Best Man, even if I don't want it (tell him not to, protest heavily, etc).
It boiled down to that I would accept it eventually since the best man and friends would have paid for it and went to the trouble (plus ONLY at the Batchelor would I accept. Any other time is no go for me)
GF gets upset and says she considers that cheating, which kinda threw me back a bit. I never really considered that cheating myself. I'm not the one paying for and initiating,and am only accepting as a courtesy only on that day (in my eyes)
Do you guys/gals consider this situation cheating? I never go to strip clubs or get lap dances any other time. This isn't even happening anyways. It was a hypothetical and in the end I finally agreed to turn even that down IF it happened (and of course I would tell the man not to do it)
At this point I feel to ticked off to continue, but the argument basically started here. I just need to know if I'm crazy to consider showing a little respect to my friends hypothetical efforts.
<b> | </b> Is a lapdance, initiated by best man at my batchelor party and begrudgingly accepted , considered cheatinh? |
t3_199tok | BreakUps | How do you break up with someone you're in love with? | How do you break up with someone you're in love with?
We've been together for about a year. I've been thinking about this for quite a while, and it's finally time to pull the trigger. I need to end it *this week*.
The short version of reasons to end it:
*He has anger issues
*He abhors any new activity / or new food
*He doesn't like to socialize with his friends or my friends
*He contributes almost nothing in terms of effort or money
*We have little compatibility
*He is afraid of learning new skills or any kind of life improvement (can't drive, cook, fix anything, is afraid of paperwork of any kind)
I have spoken with him several times about these issues. His usual response is to argue about the facts, deny that he needs to change and say "why does that even matter to you? Those things aren't important". I can't get through to him, or at least, he doesn't have the power or the will to change. *I can elaborate on any of the reasons for the break up upon request.*
I'm in love with him. I'm afraid I'll just start crying if I try to make the words come out. I think this will shock him as well. | How do you end it with someone where you're both in love but know the relationship is going nowhere in the long run and you really need to go out to be happy? |
t3_3gj7u2 | relationships | How do I [21M] / Can I see how she's [20F] doing? | Long story short: Got into an LDR before my 7 month internship across the country. It didn't work, and we left it at "maybe we can be together, maybe not" and that "now is not the time and space right now is beter" (her words).
We haven't talked in over a month now. Today was supposed to be the day she was gonna visit, so I'm thinking about her a lot. I have no idea at this point how she feels about me at this point, if she's moved on, etc. I was thinking, would it be alright if I texted her just a "Hey, everything going well?" because #1, I want to know if she's generally doing well, and #2 I want to see if she has any news to break to me. She's a really kind-hearted person so if she has moved on or if she decided to forget about me, she might be nice about it and keep it quiet. But we haven't talked in awhile, I'm returning in 5 months and I'm curious. Good idea? Horrible?
Give me your worst :) | LDR failed with a chance that things might work out later. She wants space, but can I check on her? |
t3_1464er | relationships | My girlfriend[25] is angry and will not talk to me[19m], two days ago we drank with friends (rather heavily) and things got heated, What do I do? | Well me and my roommates all decided to have a friendly bring your girlfriend, drink and relax night. Everyone was having fun drinking, but quite heavily. We were playing games and etc.
My girlfriend the more she drank the more short she was becoming with people so I probably stepped over the line and was telling her to stop saying such rude things and maybe more bluntly as to stop talking.
Well time went by telling her to calm down she decided to go smoke and after she finished she disappeared in my room for a bit. I thought she was going to the bathroom or something.
Everyone continued having fun like usual, but time went by and my roommate saw my girlfriend trying to sneak out the front door and leave. So of course I stopped her, she was far too drunk to drive and was high on top of it.
I got her alone and tried to talk to her in my room, but she was being unreasonable saying that this is who she is and she always thinks like this and if I can't handle that then it won't work. She continued to say she loved me and I to her but she was still insisting on leaving and not just my place but me as well.
What can I do or say to her? She will not respond to me and maybe I did step over some lines but we both admit that we have strong feelings for each other and she only acts like this when she is very drunk.
There is probably more I am failing to add, but if I will expand more if people ask. | got drunk with girlfriend, might have hurt her by telling her to stop being rude (to others) and she wont talk to me but she said she has strong feelings for me and I to her. |
t3_2bv8p1 | tifu | TIFU by developing feelings for a close friend's grilfriend. | So, I'm in my late 20's and a guy I've been best friends with since highschool moved a few hours away with his girlfriend... a few years down the line they're having problems.
I haven't talked to either of them in a while so I was surprised when both of them started talking to me on facebook again individually. Later my friend confides that they're having a few problems, arguments and such, and she's already moved back to my hometown, and that if I can, I should look out for her...
Anyway, so I meet up with her, and she's ridiculously hot... I always kinda had a crush on her but you know, bro code and all that. so anyway we have a few beers and just talk about stuff when she drunkenly mentions she crushed on me in highschool too. One thing leads to another and she offers me a blowjob. Now... I'm only a man... I couldn't say no, so she did... and it was amazing, best of my life if im honest.
Ever since that day we've been flirting ridiculously and she's sending me pictures of herself and we've ended up sleeping with eachother over and over again. We knew it was a bad idea, but we couldn't help ourselves and we said it'd just be a friends with benefits sort of deal and he didn't have to know.
Anyway... we ended up just sleeping with eachother every time we got together... and now we're both starting to have feelings for eachother and I know that this can't happen... I genuinely don't know what to do about it because my friend is crazy about her and is expecting her to move back in with him. | I've been having a friends with benefits relationship with my good friend's newly ex girlfriend and it's evolved into us having feelings for eachother and now I don't know what to do about it. |
t3_50c786 | relationships | [Breakups] I confessed my love and was rejected. What now? [men and women advice needed] | It's been a month and a half since he [17M] broke up our 2 year relationship because I[17F] was a terrible girlfriend. Mentally abusive, but we still loved each other through it. I've been struggling with depression for a year, which was the beginning of the downhill fall of our relationship.
I realized the error of my ways not long after we broke up after taking an aerial view of the relationship, and I apologized profusely about two weeks ago. We see each other and talk, have been trying to be friends.
Today I apologized again and professed my love for him. It's true. I never want to look at anyone else in my entire life, and now I know what I was doing wrong so I can do it right again. I told him that. I told him all I want to do is make him happy, which is completely true. He said he didn't want to get back together, got up, patted me on the head, and walked away.
I don't know what to do. I can't make him come back, but I love him. All I think about is him, and how I had all I will ever need in my hands and I ruined it. Like the scene in Tommy Boy with the roll.
I have so many feelings that I have no use for.
Help. | I confessed my love to my ex and I promised to make him happy as long as I live, he rejected me. What now? |
t3_2iptr5 | legaladvice | Sewage rain in my bathroom destroys all of our stuff and still not sanitary in my opinion. | We have a re-occurring problem where our junkie upstairs neighbor floods his sink or his bathtub and it rains down on us. It has happened at least 4 times. Every time we ask the landlords to do structural repairs so that it doesn't rain on us and every time they say no. This time he clogged his toilet, let it sit for awhile and then flooded us with that. When it was just water (for the most part) I would just clean it up. After arguing with the landlord that it is neither my responsibility nor am I qualified to clean up piss and shit they finally got the maintenance boy to do a terrible token job of cleaning it up. During his clean up job he put all of our bathroom stuff in plastic bags and left them on our living room floor. The landlord says that it is the guy upstairs' problem even though my lease states **Landlord isn't responsible for anything UNLESS "damages or losses is a result or caused by the negligent or willfull act of the landlord."** In my opinion they could have punished the guy upstairs harder or did a retrofit or hire a professional to sanitize my bathroom. If I had to estimate it is less than $100's worth of bathroom products however a proper sanitation job costs thousands. In my opinion my bathroom is still not habitable. What do I do? | Upstairs neighbor flooded my bathroom with shit rain and slumlords did a half assed job cleaning it up and say that they aren't responsible for my all my damaged stuff in Washington state. |
t3_3e725f | relationships | Me [19M] with my friend [19 F] have known each other for 3 months. I'm trying to find a way to tell her that I'm ready to have a relationship with her. | I just meet this girl at Starbucks in late April and ever since we started talking and hanging out. Two months ago I asked her to be in a relationship with me, she said yes much to my surprise. But I wasn't really over my last relationship that ended two years ago because my ex girlfriend cheated on me and still messages me with fake Facebook accounts and emails my work email.
So my friend and I both mutually agreed that when I'm ready to have a relationship with her we can. Now I'm ready to have a relationship with her and I'm trying to find a way to tell her or show her that I'm ready to be in a relationship. | Me [19M] wants to ask his friend [19F] that I'm ready to have a relationship with her. Unfortunately I have no idea how to tell her this. |
t3_4igwov | relationships | Me [25M] with my Fiancee [24F] 7 yrs together, how to get her to do her share of the housework. | So, we recently went out on our own when I finished University and got a decent job. I'm doing decently for myself money-wise, she works in retail. Anyways the deal when we moved was that financially I would take care of most of the household expenses (I make a large amount more, so it works out about the same as if we had joint finances, so that alone isn't the end of the world, if everything else was good) however since she wasn't going to be working as many hours she would take care of most of the chores.
Anyways I'm feeling like a bit of a chump now because of course the chores aren't getting done until it is pretty desperate, and I'm doing most of the work prepping meals/cleaning up after. So I really do feel kind of taken advantage of.
Anyways, except for the workload we have a good relationship, but I'm kind of at the end of my patience. I'm a driven fellow, worked while in Uni full time, so my idle mind thing is to tidy up and do a few chores if I'm bored. I really just can't figure out how to approach this - but I'm starting to get resentful of her taking advantage, and it's a good relationship otherwise, so it'd be shitty to have to end it. | Feeling a bit of a chump since Fiancee is working less hours, contributing less financially, and contributing little in regards to housework. |
t3_rhyy2 | AskReddit | Need advice from people with experience in this type of thing.... | So Im 20 yrs old and have been with my boyfriend for three years now.
He was my first, and I've never had sex with anyone but him. We enjoy a very active sex life with each other and are in love. In bed recently, dirty talk has consisted of him watching me get it for the first time from other men, and then refined to just this particular guy friend of mine.
Its hot, but today he told me he actually would not only be okay withit but would WANT me to actually sleep with this guy... and i have plans to see him this coming weekend.
What do i do? He says he would never expect me to be okay with him doing the same unless it was a threesome, that this would only be a one time thing, and that its only okay bc he knows about it. Also so if we were to get married he doesnt want me to regret never being with anyone else.
He says for him, he thinks I'm really hot wants me to record my friend and I so he can watch someone go crazy over my body and enjoy that part of me that no one else gets to. He watches porn often and says he wants me to make a video just for him. | committed boyfriend wants me to sleep with my friend and record it, I'm worried itll ruin a great relationship and that one of us will regret it afterward. |
t3_3f4a1h | relationships | I [19 F] don't know how to feel about my boyfriend's [21 M] sister [26? F] sleeping in his bed. | disclaimer: I don't post on reddit at all. I am on mobile. I not good at words.
Alright, I'm a little annoyed.
Today, my boyfriend and I got back to his house and his door is locked. It should be locked. He has a lock and a key. I pushed for this to happen after his brother [23] walked in on us doing the deed. I think this is important information because it is a factor in why I feel annoyed right now.
So my boyfriend opens the door and finds his sister asleep in his bed, all wrapped up in his blankets. He gave her a key to his room because she wanted one... To watch movies on his TV and sleep in his bed?? I guess. This happens a lot actually. She routinely goes into his room when we're not there to sleep. She says it's because his bed Is more comfortable. She also rummages around his movie collection and leaves a mess sometimes.
I'm not really comfortable with it. He is. I think giving his sister a key defeats the purpose of why he got the lock in the first place- for privacy. I talked to him about it before but I guess I wasn't being assertive. I'm not ok with changing the way they interact as brother and sister because it makes sense to me that they maybe grew up that way. I didn't. Close. But I wouldn't let my grown sister have a key to my room to sleep in my bed. It's weird to me. I don't really like the idea of someone else sleeping in a bed that I share with my boyfriend.
I suppose this isn't as important as all the other posts on this subreddit but I have conflicted feelings. Am I overreacting by being annoyed by their closeness? Am I overanalyzing the situation? Should I take a chill pill? Does it matter? I really don't know. | Boyfriend's sister often sleeps in his bed when we're not there. I feel yucky about it. Is it ok to be annoyed? |
t3_3j0wa1 | relationships | My boss [30sF] gave a new employee the schedule that I [23F] earned through seniority... Do I complain? | I work at a preschool, and right now my director is absolutely desperate to find new employees because we are so understaffed that we have trouble keeping the legal student:teacher ratio.
I started working there 3 months ago and have had no problem working the 9:30-6:30 closing shift. While it's not ideal and I don't want to continue working this shift for many reasons (I often have to work past 6:30 waiting on late parents, I have to clean up multiple classrooms to close, it's difficult to make appointments because everything closes at 5pm, among other personal reasons), I understood when I took the job that the newbie takes the shitty closing shift and never complained. I was told that once we hired someone new in my pod (different age groups have different pods of classrooms), I would get moved to 8am-5pm and have been looking forward to that.
My school just hired a new teacher, and I was informed by another teacher that she said she'd only take the job if she would be able to work 8am-5pm. The hours that I was supposed to get because I have seniority over her. I want to be understanding because I don't know what she has going on and because I know my school *really* needs another teacher, but I feel disrespected and taken advantage of because even though I have the seniority, I'm still stuck with the shitty, inconvenient shift.
Do I have a right to say something to my boss tomorrow morning or should I be a "team player"? | New employee got the schedule I was supposed to get with seniority; should I say something to my boss, even though I know that my school is desperate for new employees? |
t3_1vdb63 | AskReddit | My two BEST friends in the world broke up after 6 years. He is Hindu, She muslim. How do I console them both? What should i do? | They're my best friends. I knew him since elementary school. I met her in college and introduced them both. They've been going out since college, and now due to their religious backgrounds she's chosen that she cannot hurt her family by marrying him. And his family would've allowed the marriage, had it been a hindu marriage.
Their both amazing people if you ever got to know them, it's just now, after a myriad of breakups, this one was the final straw. It's never been more evident to me that they won't be getting back together.
I would usually talk them through their issues, arguements and breakups, although now, it's final.
As a friend, what should I do?
I want to take them both out separately and try and understand why.
I was wondering if anyone has been in a similar problem.
Thanks all | My friends have been through breakups/arguments, this one is the final one. What should i do to help both of them out. |
t3_4iiq53 | relationships | I [21f] am not sure that my bf [20m] of three years and I have any future, even though I still love him. | So, I'm using a throwaway as my bf knows my account.
I've recently visited my parents and while being there we discussed living with an SO to which my mother pointed out that me moving in with my bf wouldn't happen for the next few years. We've been together for almost three years, so it kinda struck a nerve, as I've recently brought that up with him.
Though my bf is funny, sweet and in many ways compassionate, my mom's comment made me realise that the way things are, we will never move beyond the point we are at now.
It's little things like he's inability to make plans/decisions (often leaving me having to have empty slots in my calendar just in case he can meet up). He's not used to work with other people's plans, and also, he doesn't mind if people cannot meet up when he knows he's free (Making my arguments kinda invalid when I've pointed the planning problem out. He'll go: "You can just make the plans you want and then I'll contact you in your free slots if I feel like meeting up").
I just don't think that's a good developing point for a relationship. I don't feel we necessarily *have* to move in with each other right know, but I can't help but feel like there's no future when he displays this behaviour. He also doesn't wanna talk about our future together because he's very much in the moment.
My mom said I should give it 1-2 years and see if things change, as we are very young. Logically, I agree, but I get **SO** annoyed when texting or phoning him. I'm not sure I can keep it up, and I really need some advice and/or other people's experience. I love him so much, I just find it hard to cope with the fact as it is right now, I can't see us staying together (at least not like this). | My bf doesn't have a lot of planning skills (including for the future). My mom suggested I give it 1-2 years and see how things go, but I'm not sure I can keep it together that long. |
t3_514jk2 | relationships | I [17F] hooked up with a guy [24M] who I met online about 3 weeks ago. He's been ignoring me for a few days now which is really bothering me. How can I find closure in this situation? | I apologize if this is the wrong place to post.
A few weeks ago, I met a guy online that lived in my area. We went straight to talking about fetishes and found out that we actually had a lot in common. He seemed really excited to meet me and was willing to drive/host. So we hooked up, tried some new stuff, and had a good time. It wasn't bad sex, we actually came at the same time which was pretty awesome, and he asked me if I was interested in a relationship to which I responded "maybe". The second time, however, ended pretty badly. A few days later, we were going at it in the back of his car, and a cop shines a light in the window. The cop just gave us a warning and told us to go somewhere more private. I kinda just laughed it off, but he was really freaked out. He thought was going to be arrested even though age of consent is 17 in our state. Afterwards, he drove me home and was really quiet on the way back. Since then, his texts have been short 1-3 word responses, and he stopped responding to me two days ago. This morning I saw him on skype and asked if he wanted to talk, but he went offline/invisible right after he saw the message, and this has been really bothering me ever since. | Hooked up with a guy that I'm interested in. Second time around, cop catches us. He's pretty fazed and won't talk to me. |
t3_cp1kj | relationship_advice | So I am not sure what to do now... | I met this really nice guy online- we were in contact for about 6 weeks as our travel schedules didn't allow us to be in the same city. We mailed each other every day.
We finally met last week on the Friday- had an absolutely amazing evening- both of us were really into each other and I thought he was keen- his body language was such. He was away for the weekend and heard from him when he got back but no reply to my reply since- ok, agreed, it has only been 4 days since the date and 2 days since the last text but since I really like him and dislike games, should I send him a text suggesting another meet up, saying hi or just play the waiting game (even if I hate it)?
Reddit, please share your words of wisdom! | Met a fabulous guy, had a great date, we both laughed, we both had fun and I wanna see him again and am wondering if I can call him first... |
t3_4d7fu6 | personalfinance | Confused about Chase Saphire Preferred travel rewards... | I'm looking into getting another credit card to specifically help me with traveling. I'm looking at the Chase Saphire Preferred card, because it got rave reviews, but something isn't adding up.
Chase Saphire Preferred offers 2X points for restaurants, and travel expenses, and 1X points everything else. Given that 1PT = $.01 (or $.02 if switching currencies to another flight miles program), am I crazy or does this not sound like much rewards at all? For a $300 flight, that would mean I'd have to spend $30,000 (less if I'm getting food at restaurants/travel) in order to get the flight covered?!
What's even more confusing is I'm aware that if you have a Chase Freedom card, you can transfer points to the Saphire Preferred card. But with Chase Freedom, I get rewards in the form of cash back. So if I spend $20 and I get 5% cash back on that purchase, that's essentially $1 back... or 100 points. So it only took me $20 to get 100 points. With my Saphire Preferred card, I would need to spend $100 to get 100 points. Because if I'm able to transfer my Chase Freedom points 1:1 with my Chase Saphire Preferred points, that seems like a huge loophole. Or, more likely, my math must be wrong here?? Why is this card so good? Is it just the introductory bonus offer? | ELI5 How do travel rewards, and flight miles work (specifically with Chase)? Alternatively, why is Chase Saphire Preferred so well reviewed, if it takes such a long time to accumulate any substantial amount of points. |
t3_2e1lwk | jobs | Web Developer: Should I Stay Or Should I Go? | Hey All,
I'm a web developer who is currently working under a contract at a fairly big agency, I've been there for over a year. I was hired originally under a staffing agency, but I have since parted ways with them and work directly for the agency now. My contract is now on a month to month renewal and is salary based.
When I started at the agency, I was doing predominantly coding work on a fairly good project (not the greatest, but good). Unfortunately a few months ago, they ran out of work so I was moved to a not so great project, where I am basically doing glorified content entry. I put up with it because compared to other projects I could be on, it's not so bad.
The last time I was up for renewal, my tech director asked me if I was interested in going permanent. I said yes of course. Instead another contract person who had been there less time got the permanent job, and I got this month to month contract renewal crap. When I talked to my tech director, he appeared to be upset over the decision. He said that he was very happy with my work, and hoped I could stay on, despite the setback. The "idea" he floated to me was that eventually they would hire me permanent. I stayed on only because the pay they agreed to was the most I've ever been paid so far doing this job.
So my latest contract is set to expire at the end of this month, and today I was told they want to extend it another month, but the caveat is they are putting me on the worst project they have. This particular project usually has devs working insane hours for insane deadlines made by insane people. They were very adamant that I re-up right away. I pushed them off until tomorrow.
Obviously I'm hurt and upset over this. A part of me wants to tell them to shove it, while the more rational side says it's only a month, and if I can't take it I can leave. As per usual I can always use the money, but I'm feeling very demoralized and dis-respected.
Has anyone else here had this sort of problem? If so, your experience would help me big time.
Thanks | I've been working over a year for this company, at one point they were considering hiring me full time, and now they want to give me a one month contract on their worst project. I'm getting fed up. |
t3_13moyw | AskReddit | While driving to relatives a few days ago, something went wring with the car's engine on the interstate in the middle of nowhere. When we reached a hotel, we discovered we had a flat tire too. Reddit, what holiday disasters have you/ your family had? | So we were driving to our relatives who live in Illinois, in a small town 5 hours away from where I live. The first two hours were fine, but then, we heard a ding, and started slowing down. We pulled over the the shoulder, and were figuring out what happened, and what to do. We had three kids (I'm including myself), a baby, my parents, a dog, two bikes attached to the car, and one of those luggage things that sit on the top of your car. There were those huge shipping rigs flying past us, and shaking the car with every one that passed. We were in the middle of fucking nowhere, and I was starting to panic. My father decodes to drive down the shoulder to a hotel maybe an hour away. The engine worked, but the cars computer thought something was wrong with it, and only allowed so much power to move our car along. At most, we were traveling 40 mph, but the speed started decreasing slowly. We made it to the hotel with no casualties, excluding one. We discovered our front right tire was flat. Here we all are, midnight, at a small hotel, discovering all of this. My mother was pissed, so I had to hide my amusement. Yesterday, we made it to our relatives house, our engine turning out perfectly fine, just a glitch in the system, and one hell of an ugly replacement tire. | The gods of driving were mad at my family (who may possibly have relations to the Griswolds) and decided to screw with our engine, and bestow upon us one flat wheel. |
t3_1k6lvn | legaladvice | [NY]: Fraudlent Eviction, losing HUD benefits | Whole story: This dude lives in my dad's building, we'll call him Bob. Bob's boyfriend is a registered sex offender, convicted of crimes against children. Bob repeatedly brings his boyfriend to the apartment building. Residents of the apartment feel unsafe for their children and call the police on Bob's boyfriend. Bob's boyfriend is taken away by police and banned from the building. The next day, Bob is completely pissed off that his boyfriend is banned from the building so he goes outside and starts screaming at residents that they will "be sorry" because he is going "to go columbine" on everyone and then kill himself and that the blood will be on their hands. Police are called again, Bob is taken to the hospital for only 24 hours. No charges, not even a 72 hour hold. When Bob is released he tells his friend, who happens to be the building's sup, who turns around and evicts 5 families citing made up violations. All of these families had complained about Bob. This is a supplimented income building and nearly all the residents are on HUD. If you get evicted, you lose your housing benefits.
I don't know if it's worth mentioning, but my dad is a heart attack/cancer survivor on disability. He has lived there for 10 years with zero violations. Luckily both my brother and I own two family homes, so he will not end up homeless. I can't really speak for the four other families though. To reiterate, this is a low income building, nearly all the residents are on some sort of public assistance, so it goes without saying that none of them can afford lawyers. Other residents of the building are now afraid to stand up for them or say anything fo fear of also being evicted. | Building Sup is playing favorites and evicting people who complain about his crazy friend who bring pedos into the building and threatens to mass murder everyone. |
t3_50choe | relationships | I (22M) need advice about breaking up with my girlfriend (22F). | I feel like I want to break up with my girlfriend but I have some hang ups that I'm hoping you guys can help me work through.
So L and I have been dating for around 9 months now. For the start of our relationship we were long distance (I was in college in NY and she was in FL) and while this wasn't ideal it worked as we were still growing with each other. Around 4 months ago she got a job close by and for the summer we spent a significant amount of time together. As of last month she moved into my house which my parents also live in. She left her apartment so she could be rent free and save up money and given that I was going back to school she would have her own space. This is where my dilemma begins.
Recently I've been feeling like I've lost my passion for her and that we are different places in life and I want to take a break. I feel like her being at my place if we take a break may be strange for her and I don't want her to have to worry about another place to stay, especially given she is only around my neck of the woods until late November. I'm debating whether I should wait until then to give us a break as she would then be moving back to FL or wherever is next. I also feel like with me not feeling the same attraction as I once had and with the distance it will be hard to rekindle feelings through a screen and that if I wait I may be unhappy for three months and will have to be a great pretender. | I want to take a break from my GF who currently is dependent on living in my house. We are in a long distance relationship as I'm at college now. Don't know exactly what to do. |
t3_fwusv | AskReddit | So my mom was being groomed by a scammer on a dating service... Can I get payback? | Backstory: So my parents divorced about 9 years ago, and my dad has been engaged 3 times since then. Meanwhile, my mom was busy raising three kids and devoted the better half of a decade to my brother, my sister and I. In December she decided that it was time to finally get back into the dating world as my sister and I have now finished college and are mostly on our own. Needless to say I was/am happy for her and it was a good time for her to start looking. I want her to be happy.
She had met a guy on a dating site who seemed like a nice guy and had been talking to him online for a few months. She had done her homework asked a lot of questions made sure he was consistent, and so far he seemed pretty legit, although they had not met face to face.
Enter me.
I say to her: "I don't know, I'm going to google this guy"
Her: "Ah, you won't find him, I tried!"
Me: "Don't underestimate my internets."
** Commence search **
I find [this..](
So I'm like, whoa wtf "Ron Paulsen" which was the dudes name. So, I talked to her and she immediately blocked him and told him to F off. I am now starting to get the details of how they interacted. Minus the ring and proposal part, the stories are identical. I just told her about an hour ago. She is moving between rage and sadness. She reported him to the dating service as well.
I'll post a little more later. | My mom was in the process of getting scammed. Saved her. Can we ruin the most likely fake person, or atleast inform others? |
t3_22kzsg | Advice | My mom is going crazy. | My parents got divorced when I was 10. After that my mom found a guy named "jeff". For around 10 years now, my moms off again on again bf jeff has been ruining her mentally and physically. He has hit her physically several times, and constantly belittles her to a point of little to no self worth. She says that they love each other and they have all these memories together, but the abuse just wont go away. I have been living with my mom for the past month now due to other issues with my dad. Every time I come home to my moms she is emotional and on edge about one thing or another. I am emotionally distraught at this point in time because I have constantly been telling my mom (as well as every one of her friends and other family members) to get away from jeff, but she chooses to stay with him.
Tonight when I came home she said that she was at his house and they fought again, and I listened to her for a little bit but eventually said "shut the fuck up I have had enough of you talking about him." Yes, I know she is my mother but at some point you just can't deal with it anymore. She told me that I sound just like jeff when he gets angry and she started comparing me to him. I about left and went to my dads house, but I am afraid if I leave that she will just drink and go to jeffs or worse.
What can I do? I'm just a college student with shit of my own to deal with. HELP! | Mom gone crazy from on again off again bf. I'm a college kid and don't know what to do about it. |
t3_1zcra1 | relationships | Me [19 M] with my ex [19 F] 3 months. just broke my heart. | Yes i know 3 months is not a whole lot but she was the first one that i let close to me. the first one that i actually felt a connection with. the first one that i felt like my heart was actually gonna go to her.it was a distance relationship because we were both in college but we had so many road bumps.
we had problems with her parents not being really supportive of me because of my ethnicity and she was always very hesistant when coming to commitments because i was the first serious relationship. So last night she kind of freaked out and said that she wanted space that that she couldn't commit to me. It just hurt so much. i had given this girl everything. Planned everything out perfectly never rushed anything and i know i made her feel happy
it hurts this much because i gave this girl my best effort and she still didn't accept it. It guess nobody likes having their best rejected but i just cant deal with it right now because i feel like every girl that i start to actually like things just fall apart. how do i help with the loss of the feeling? talking to her is not an option simply because i just dont want to. Im really just hurt | relationship of three months ended last night and i am very hurt. Put everything into this relationship and she ended it because distance and other things. How to deal and know im not useless when it comes to dating |
t3_1y2fw9 | relationship_advice | Not sure how I [21/m] should contact her [18/f]. | She studies with a friend of mine, and is just in her first semester. I first saw her like a month ago and then just 2 weeks ago. Unfortunately I never had the opportunity to start a conversation, but we had eye contact and we just smiled at each other, which of course doesn't have to mean anything.
As I had no opportunity to talk to her, my friend tried to set things up (in a group of course, she really doesn't have a clue^^), but everytime, she just cancelled like 3 hours before. I don't think that she did this out of purpose, it just seemed like a lot of unhappy coincidences.
So here I am, thinking of a way to contact her. I don't wanna bug my friend further, because he seems to be a little annoyed by this (not me, but her cancelling).
I wouldn't have a problem with just asking her out for a coffe, but I just don't see her anywhere.
I could contact her through facebook, but i don't have an account.
Asking my friend for her number is a no-go for me.
I will probrably have a class with her next semester. But I'm not sure if I should let this wait.
So I was hoping you could help me with the question how I should contact her. | My friend knows a girl I have a small crush on, but I don't see a non creepy way to contact her. |
t3_1zvo5t | relationships | Me [40 M] with my wife [37 F] separated 8 months - married 14 years, having second thoughts - can people change? | My wife and I have been separated for coming close a year after a rather sudden breakup. I initiated the breakup because after doing a little soul searching, I had realized that she is a compulsive liar and that's something that I couldn't live with. I also came to the conclusion that we were far too wrapped up in being in a relationship that it hindered us from bettering ourselves.
The breakup was sudden but overall has been extremely civil. No fighting or saying things that are hurtful. Instead, we actually act like good friends. She has since moved away to pursue personal endeavors but we chat regularly. This is where my confusion comes in.
In our last chat, she nearly breaks down and cries asking if I ever loved her. Which I honestly tell her that I did. Realistically, I still do but things have been done that can't be easily undone. Then there's the whole trust issue that I have with her.
I've moved on with my life and have dated a couple other people but have yet to find anything substantial. Mostly just crushes or being thrown into the friend-zone. I'm afraid that my loneliness might block my better judgement and I find myself taking back my ex for less than good reasons.
So my questions are this:
Are these feelings she's emoting genuine?
Are they a sign that she wants me back?
Can people like her (compulsive liars) change?
If so, should I consider taking her back? | Long term marriage goes bad. Separated for 8 months. Still friends. Living on opposite ends of the country. Need advice on how to deal with sudden rushes of her emoting. |
t3_1lwyf9 | relationships | Me[17M] with my girlfriend of a year [17F] just broke up and it ended bad, I still love her. | We were together for a year but only 9 months of it were truly the ones we both enjoyed. Eventually, she started getting mad over everything I do and say and constantly say she's "fed up" with my actions even if I apologized for doing absolutely nothing.
Well I guess yesterday was the last straw for her and she told me she doesn't want me in her life at all and that I need to move on, forget about her, yada yada bullshit.
My problem is I am still deeply in love with her and I see her in my classes at school and my lunches, to make it worse her brother is a good friend of mine and I feel like we're going to have to stop talking to each other because we usually hang over at her house.
Reddit, I'm really hurting here... Help me out. | My girlfriend of a year broke it off, I'm still madly in love with her. Says I was a terrible boyfriend and I'm now heartbroken. |
t3_u8i0s | relationships | Possible Break Up/Venting | So I would like my brain to be picked at here, this is more of a vent for myself to read and weigh some pro's and con's up.
Me: Male 21
Her: Female, 20
Together: A wonderful 15 Months, First Relationship for me, 4th and longest for her.
Basically we have never argued, although we've had differences of opinion but nothing major.
Lately she's been annoying me, mainly it's because I've come to realize how much she actually complains. Over the most minimal things as well. My parents have gone away for 5 weeks so she's staying with me on and off (my house, her house).
She'll say things like "Don't you have a bin your room? get one" - "Buy some food, (I say what I'll get), No just get this! etc." - "My back hurts"(Love that one...every 5 minutes) - "Your soap in the shower smells too soapy"
I also do a photography course so when I'm doing my assignments (she's done the course before), she likes to help me, which I don't mind. But when I suggest my idea for my photo, she'll just say "you won't get high marks, doesn't sound good" or "I don't get it, just do it this way"
So in my mind, I'm done, when I'm without her I really don't think about seeing her, I think about breaking up with her.
I can't though.
She has lately been seeing a therapist for anxiety and slight OCD. She's been crying a lot over herself. I've witnessed it and it's terrible, all I've been doing with her is trying to be happy and supportive, talk to her about it, if she wants.
My friend said to me "Just dump her, cut off contact and don't worry" but I wouldn't be able to see her with another guy, I want to stay friends with her, and I'm just really confused.
"What are your thoughts /r/relationships?" | I want to break up but I don't want to break up, you're probably going to have to read it. |
t3_1j31lc | relationships | Me[18M/F] with my [18M/M] relationship of 3 years, sad and bored but less than two months til college. | My boyfriend and I have been together for 3+ years now. At first, it was really great. I loved him more than anything. Sounds odd since I was 15, but I know that I did.
But now, I just don't want to be with him anymore. He doesn't talk much and he isn't very interesting unless he is high. I am a very social person, and I need communication. He doesn't provide this because he has a speech impediment that makes him insecure about speaking.
He also doesn't ever do anything to surprise me. All his actions are predictable and he never does stuff like bring me flowers randomly; there are no spontaneous acts of affection.
But I really, really care about him. He is my best friend, and I feel more comfortable with him than anybody else I know. I know he cares about me, it's a long process to explain why I know it but he really cares about me as a person. When we end things, whether it be sooner or later, I will really, really miss him. I would want him in my life. I do love him, I'm just not sure it's the same way anymore.
I'm going to college in less than 2 months, and I don't know if I should just stay with him and let us part ways then (which he does know about already, he's very adamant about staying together while I don't want to be) or to just break it off now. I want to be with him but most of the time I find that I don't.
He truly is my best friend, but I know I would lose that as soon as I break up with him. He's not fulfilling my needs in a relationship, and even if I try to ask him to change things it just reverts to the old ways. I need help with this situation. | I love my boyfriend, but he bores me and is not what I want or need in a relationship anymore. Going to college in less than two months, and will miss him a lot but want to be single. Please help :( |
t3_yjgrn | relationships | I [23 M] am still in love with my best friend [21 F] and I don't know how to "get over it" as it were. | I've been good friends with this girl since the start of high school so I've known this girl for seven or eight years now. Started to have feelings for her my senior year but never did much about besides going to Prom together as friends. Time goes on, we sort of hint about liking each other but we're both shy about dating.
Fast forward to last November and I tell her how much I like her and I wanted our friendship to be something more. She agrees that she wants to and we have an awkward month or two of sort of dating but it ends after having a few talks about having a future together. She is Christian and wants to share that with whomever she is in a relationship with. So despite her telling me that I'm perfect for her she doesn't want to pursue a relationship with me. I understand and I want to respect her needs and such.
The problem is I still love her so much and we spend all of our time together, I even work with her. The only advice I've ever gotten on the subject was to just "get over her" and to stop seeing her. I would just like to move on somehow and still remain best friends with her. | In love with best friend with no hopes of having a relationship, how can I "get over it" and still have the friendship |
t3_vgeyp | AskReddit | What's reddit's life story? I'll start | My dad knocked up my mom, who apparently was a drug addict and had gave me away to my grandmother because my dad couldn't take care of me due to the fact that he was in a gang with my uncle and some other family members. I had lived with my grandmother and my aunt (who is now my 'mom') all the way until my grandmother passed away in 2005 due to cancer. I had refused to call my grandmother my mom simply because of the fact that she was more of a mom to me. After my grandmother died, my aunt had taken full custody over me and I had grown attached to her so I started to call her my mother. Anyway, My dad came and visited me every once in awhile and we would do the same (I lived in Colorado at the time and he in South Dakota) and he would purchase games for me and whatnot, probably to make up for his absence in my life I guess. Then he passed away in 2009 due to liver failure. I wasn't too shocked or sad as he wasn't really in my life but I remember crying at the funeral because y'know, funerals are sad. We then moved to Ireland with my mother (aunt), her two kids, my sister (cousin, her story is practically the same minus the dead dad) and we took up life here. In the end my mom married an Irish man and now I am happy to have a 'family' no matter how messed up we may be. This may sound like some soppy story that nobody wants to hear but here it is. I guess I just felt like typing it out. | Mom was a druggie, dad in a gang, grandmother and aunt took care of me grandma died, dad died, live with mom (aunt) and Irish stepdad. |
t3_14nnoo | relationship_advice | What should I do in this situation? Me [M18] and her [F19] | So background story is always helpful. Junior year, I walk into history class and there's a pretty new girl at the back. We strike up a conversation and get to know each other. Fast forward a year, her and I are good friends, and hang a bit. Graduation rolls around and we don't hang very much but enough to still keep up on what the other is doing and whatnot. I was with a girl at the time for a year and a half but we called it quits. So I'm single and she's there for me, so naturally, I "fall for her". Now keep in mind, she's been dating a guy for three or four years who has a black belt in karate and has cheated on her and she forgave him but it was always on her mind. She finds pictures of girls on his computer that he claims yahoo "Changed the date on them " so they look more recent. Well They fought and made up about it. Well she invites Me to a scary movie and we go. During the scary part, she grabs my hand and holds it for a good thirty minutes or so til the movie is over. We have a tradition now of holding hands during scary parts in movies and my heart skips a beat every time I think about her or she holds my hand. A couple weeks ago, she goes on vacation for a week in Georgia. Her bf then asks me to supply him with nudies of chicks I know and I send them to him but first of all, I feel bad for supplying his cheating, but I REALLY think this girl deserves better and I am that better. What should I do Reddit? Should I expose the cheater to her and risk him beating my ass/killing me, and ask her out? Or should I just express my feelings for her and hope it goes well? I need help. | Falling for my friend that has a semi cheating bf that I know recently cheated on her. Expose him and ask her out or express my feelings for her and hope it goes.well? |
t3_2aihcp | relationships | Me [23F] with my best friend [24F],doesn't understand where I'm coming from. How do I get over my oversensitivity? | Ill keep it short.
During my teens, I was bullied pretty badly, had no friends and sometimes people would be-friend me and then fuck me over for a laugh. Today I have a few good friends, and one I would consider my best, she has more best friends than me. Im fine with that. However today I texted her briefly and a few hours later I went food shopping and bumped into her and another friend shopping for a BBQ.
In my head I felt betrayed and left out. She came over and asked if I wanted to BBQ with them but it felt like a pity invitation and I got very upset. I said I was busy and didn't even look at her because I felt tears coming up. This would be the exact thing that would happen during high school but without the pity invite. I used to be excluded from everything etc.
I texted her when I got home that I thought that that was really shitty. She replied saying that treating her like shit was pathetic and that the entire BBQ was really spontaneous so she doesn't understand why I overreacted like that. I told her that it reminded me of a horrible time during my past to which she responded by saying she's tired of me being so sensitive. We had arguments like this before in similar situations where all my friends would hang out but not ask me and I would see them or bump into them.
She texted me again saying she didnt see the issue at all and doesn't get / tolerate how I reacted. So basically **I** feel like an asshole now even though I don't think I was completely in the wrong here.
I know that I am part of the problem but I can't help but feeling deliberately excluded. How can I get over this in the future? I don't want to loose her as my best friend, but she doesn't understand where Im coming from. I feel like an idiot and about to cry. | !** **Bullied through high school and deliberately excluded from parties, etc. bumped into best friend shopping for BBQ, pity-invite, I react harshly** |
t3_11ln2t | running | Likely ITBS Issue | Hi all,
I started running about 2.5 years ago and after the first few months had extreme knee pain. I usually ran outside, still with pain, but I can remember running on a treadmill and my knee hurting so bad after, I couldn't get into my car. It was probably ITBS. I quit stretching and the pain went away.
Flash forward to today. For well over a year, my running schedule was three 6-milers during the work week with a longer run on the weekend (9-12 miles). I started training for an upcoming marathon and my plan has taken me from 10 miles, 11, 12, then 14 this past weekend. Fourteen has been the longest I have ever run. In all of these rungs, including the earlier schedule, I didn't experience any knee pain nor did I stretch.
I ran 4 miles on Monday after the 14 miler on Saturday. My knee was killing me. I decided to stretch the knee Monday night and will do so again tonight. It is definitely tight in my knee area. I'm scheduled to do a 7 mile run tomorrow, but am worried about what may happen pain wise. Further, my training schedule has me doing 16 miles on Saturday. I see this as a huge hurdle to cross - if I do the 16, I feel like the rest of the training will be smooth.
My question is: should I rest until my knee is 100%? This may sound like the obvious thing, but I should add that Saturday afternoon I volunteered and had to be on my feet for about 4 hours (after the 14 miler). Will sitting out a week or two impact the marathon (its in early December)? | knee is injured. Stretch it, or not? Wait it out, or not? If I wait it out, how will it impact marathon training. |
t3_54riv9 | legaladvice | Lawyer stalling on demand letter | NYS. So, I'm currently unemployed. Talked to a lawyer about possible suing/settling out of court based on gender discrimination / retaliation. Lawyer undercut the others and offered 25% contingency, so I went with him. He seems legit, has a website, good review on avoo and Yelp...but for some reason he is stalling on the demand letter.
Is there any reason why? I am not getting any income and my job search is not going that great. In the beginning, he was like I'll get it right out tonight/tomorrow. This happened a few times then he claimed it was sent. I asked for a copy of it, and he followed up with questions asking about company fraud etc. So it looks like he was still working on the demand letter. Then I called and a secretary said he was going to have a meeting with his associates that day to determine strategy. In total it has been a few weeks and a week since he claimed to have sent the demand letter and two during which I have been pestering him to send it. Lawyers, any idea what's going on? I'm worried about being bamboozled or the lawyer not putting enough effort into my case to get a good settlement. | How long does a demand letter typically take for a lawyer to send out? Any reason that he may be stalling for a couple weeks? Have no income coming in...worried, stressed, and depressed. |
t3_4hobdj | loseit | Seeing very little visible progress. | So I made the decision to start losing weight this New Years and actually stick to it for once, and I actually did. I'm 29 pounds down (6'2 guy started 262 now 233). In addition to losing all of this weight, I've been lifting more. I've always been somewhat strong (college freshman coming from 3 sports in high school), but wanted to get some actual definition.
So I assumed wow, I've lost almost 30 pounds while gaining muscle at the same time! But then I go and look at my progress pictures I started taking admittedly a little too late (like after I'd already lost 10 pounds), and still don't notice really any difference. My stomach maybe looks a *tiny* bit smaller, my love handles a *tiny* bit less pronounced but still definitely there. My muscle tone definitely a *tiny* bit more noticeable but not much.
It's starting to get a bit discouraging. I'm already more than halfway to my goal weight of 215... I just feel like no matter what I'm always going to look chubby. I've even been doing abs for the past few weeks - and while I KNOW a few weeks isn't enough time to see change especially in abs I'm just starting get a bit discouraged.
Has anyone else felt this way? Any advice? | I've lost 29 pounds while gaining muscle at the same time. Feel great, but comparing my progress pics I don't really look much different. Starting to feel a bit discouraged. Does anyone have any similar experiences / advice? |
t3_3adt6k | relationships | How do I [22F] stop feeling like he [22M] was the best I could've ever gotten? | I just got out of a 3 year relationship, in which we were each other's firsts all throughout college.
While I am hurt and heartbroken by what happened, I can still recognize all his good qualities and remember all the times that he's been good to me.
Here lies the problem; although I've met new people and have been asked out on dates after the break up, he's still the only person I care about. I will sound embarrassingly shallow right now, but ex was easily one of the most intelligent people I have ever met (think 4.0 at a top tier university known for it's CS program), as well as generally sweet, caring, and handsome (despite some cockiness and weird Red Pill beliefs). I miss our conversations and the way we bounced the things we learned off of each other, the likes of which I have yet to encounter. We broke up for a reason, but I can't help feeling like I'll never find anyone better. How can I get over this belief? | I feel like he was the best I could've ever gotten, but I need to move on! Basically 'Nothing Compares 2 U' if you've ever heard the song. |
t3_qanr9 | AskReddit | Best way to let current roommate know I have no plans to room with him in the future? | So I have this roommate, we'll call him Mike. Mike and I have known eachother since freshman year when he met his current girlfriend, Shawna. We didn't hang out much then but lived on the same floor.
Last year (sophomore) he and shawna would come over frequently and hangout. Both myself and my roommate at the time become closer with him and shawna.
This past year I lived in a triple room with my old roommate and Mike. Shawna has slept in our room every single night. They talk in baby voices and bicker frequently. They are both extremely codependent and have few 'friends' outside myself and our third roommate. In addition to this Mike seems to suffer from 'rich kid' syndrome. He is inconsiderate, although never maliciously so, and is overall selfish and immature.
Enter the dilemma: I have no interest in rooming with Mike for next year, however I know he is interesting if not expecting to do so. The other night he approached me (at 2am as I was brushing my teeth) asking what 'we' were doing next year for housing. I mumbled something about not being sure yet because I didn't feel like having 'the talk' right then and there. Since then I have received and accepted an invitation to room with an alternate group of friends, all that remains is to let Mike know that I won't be living with him.
Also: within the past week his behavior has changed significantly where he's starting to take (feign) interest in my life and attempt to get closer. In addition to this with less than half a month before housing pick times, he and shawna decided that she should start staying at her own room.
So what would be the best way to approach him about this? I'm not afraid of being blunt however I do have two more months in the current room with him before the semester is over. I'm also conscious of the fact that he has an unhealthy relationship with shawna and I'm worried he might take it out on her (verbally or physically) and blame her for me not wanting to room with him. | Have to let my current roommate know why I don't want to room with him again, but have to live 2 more months with him after doing so. |
t3_37zreo | relationship_advice | I [21/M] have ruined any foreseeable future with the woman[22/F] I want to marry. | She and I have known each other for about five years now.
We fucked around when I was in high school and she had just started college, then I found out that I loved her.
We stopped talking for a couple years or so, and everyday passing I thought more and more about her.
Then, in September of 2014, she found my number in her phone and texted me thinking I was someone else. But, I still had her number saved in my phone. Finally, the day I have been waiting for.
So, we met up and hung out for a little and that was when I asked her back out.
And for a few months everything was fantastic. My family loved her as well as hers to me.
We started to argue over petty bullshit and decided to take a one week break to cool down. And during this break I was texting another girl who had send me explicit(not naked) pictures.
I forgot to delete the messages from my phone because they were from so long ago, and the other night when she spent the night with me, I had fell asleep.
She had never been the one to check behind me on anything, but Friday she did. She went to my messages and found those and completely lost it.
Drunk, at 2a.m. left me a text message saying this "I hate you. Don't come around my family. Don't text me. Don't call me. It's over. You know what you did. Your ring is on the top shelf."
And when I woke up at 4 a.m. to see this message, I had no idea what she was talking about.
There is more, but I'm too tired to type any more, so, help? | Fiancé found old messages from another girl that I texted from when we were on break. She now wants nothing to do with me and has ended our engagement. |
t3_u8640 | running | A strange shoulder injury prevents me from enjoying running...can you help? | Hello there :). I'm 23 now, and since the end of my highschool years I've had an odd shoulder injury that aches whenever I run and prevents me from enjoying running, or being able to run long distances.
Here is its specifics:
I have been to a doctor and had x-rays, he says my acromioclavicular joint is slightly displaced due to either a repetitive throwing injury or landing on it in judo.
As a result of this, when I run (or do sports which incorporate repetitive back and forth motions of my shoulder) after a while my shoulder (AC) joint begins to deeply ache (I imagine it might be what arthritis feels like). This generally begins to happen after 1-2km of running. Non-sustained/repetitive but intense shoulder involvement (such as climbing or bench press) does not bother it.
Things I have found that help:
Not moving the affected arm during running (although this makes me look like a moron running with my arm hanging limply at my side, it can prolong the pain from starting until 2-3km).
Actually running, as opposed to jogging. I think the bouncy up/down motion of jogging aggravates it.
If anyone has been able to overcome a similar issue, or has any advice on things I could do to cope with or prolong the start of the pain, I would be really, really thankful. If you have any other questions about the injury, don't be afraid to ask.
( | Repetitive motion of arm during running causes ache in shoulder, intensive lifting doesn't bother it. What can I do to cope with this?) |
t3_vrgtv | AskReddit | Good, free, DVD Ripping software? | I have a tonne of DVDs that I'd love to have on my netbook (which doesn't have a disc drive). I have a high-performance, desktop I can use to rip all DVDs but am coming a bit unstuck finding a good bit of software to use to rip them.
I found one but it always rips the sound and video into different folders and, when I finally managed to stop it doing that, it kept splitting the files into chapters.
All I want is disc in > press "rip" > wait > ripping comlpete > file saved.
I have a 1TB hard drive so want to rip all the DVDs in virtually loss-less quality.
As I said, I want it to be free, but don't mind if you do recommend a paid version because I can always "buy" it. Many thanks. | Need DVD ripping software (pref. free) to rip DVDs with loss-less quality that is easy to use. |
t3_29pv2l | relationships | Me 24M how to feel like I won't have to settle? | (My ex is a redditor, and I don't want her reading this so throwaway..)
I got out of a long term relationship five months ago. For a long time the breakup just paralyzed me, it was totally unexpected (she had been asking to get engaged and then decided to move out), totally hurtful, and made me feel really ugly.
She had slowly been pulling away and became less attracted to me over time, and told me she fell out of love with me because her sexual attraction and preferences had changed (she switched birth control, and cited that it made her feel totally unattracted to me). That made me feel horrible, and I've had a lot of body image issues because of it, but that's a different story.
Long story short, to me this girl was it all. She wrote poetry and love songs, woke me up with breakfast in bed and crazy sex, had a job at a top research institute, defended her beliefs with passion. She was also drop dead gorgeous, and my friends said all the time "dude, where can I find a girl like that?" I was really happy, because she was everything I wanted, and I was so happy to feel like I was through with dating, that I had finally won "the game" of trying to be something you weren't, and felt like I'd found someone who loved me truly for what I was. I was with such a passionate loving beautiful person, that now I know I won't accept any feeling less than that.
I feel so scared now that we've broken up I won't be able to find someone who's that evocative emotionally. I don't know what to think or feel. Since then I really haven't met anyone I liked and cared for like that. | My dream girl broke up with me, and now I'm scared to hell that I'll never find someone like her ever again. How do I get over these feelings and feel like I deserve another person like that? |
t3_3w319j | relationship_advice | I (21M) have a date with a girl (21F) I met and made out with at a party. Should I kiss her when I see her? | So I met this girl at a party this saturday, we made out on the dance floor then went outside and talked. She declared from the beginning that she wouldnt sleep with me tonight, and i was like sure whatever, i respect that. Im enjoying myself and she was really cute so we kept talking and making out the whole evening. And i slowly realized how awesome she was and how much we had in common, and at the end of the evening i realized that i had fallen for her. We kissed and she left and looked back at me through the glass door for a second.
Now i have a date with her in 4 hours and i wonder if i should kiss her when i see her or not? We have texted since saturday and while being a little awkward, the way texting usually is when you're texting a girl you like, it has gone well.
Any advice is appreciated!
English is not my native language and im on the phone so sorry if the post is shit :P | Met a girl at a party that I totally clicked with and made out with the entire evening. Now we have our first date and Im wondering if I should kiss her when I see her. |
t3_18sc3o | BreakUps | Everything really does happen for a reason, folks, hang in there. | I'd been chatting with a delightful guy via POF or OKC; so far as I could see he was good looking, with a grown up job, knows proper grammar, and thought I was rad...then he told me he's a dad. I was able to put the brakes on things before it went anywhere at all. See, when I answered Cull0's message on POF 2+ years ago I was on the child free bandwagon so the inner dialogue I had was "it doesn't matter he has a kid because we're just dating/not going to get serious/etc." and by the time it did matter that he had a kid, it was OK because I was ass over tea kettle in love with them both, I was invested, we'd evolved into a family unit. Now, I know better. I am back on the CF bandwagon and know better. I was able to prevent myself from going down that path again, wasting people's time...and love. Oh, and he confirmed that my ex's transition of his daughter from our home was indeed some class A shitty parenting. | because of my break up with my loser ex, I am able to make better (self-preservation wise) decisions about dating even in the get-to-know-ya stage |
t3_xklap | Parenting | Opening a debate on stranger danger. Is it good for your child to be social or terrified of every one? I have two IRL examples that have had me thinking for a while. | OK First, I am sorry if this has been posted before. And I am not judging any one here, I am just curious.
My first example is my child. He is super social, he will talk to any one. The conversation usually goes as such, "hi". "Hi". "Whats your name?" The stranger usually answers and then asks my son for his name. My son tells them and then the conversation ends or continues based on if the stranger just walks away.
I have had MANY parents compliment this, specifically siting that it is so sad to see kids his age terrified of every one.
Small tangent, I want to specify, he knows not to answer the door at my home, or talk through it (he is a smarty pants). We talk about not leaving at night and that some one can hurt him, and that asking nicely will not mean they will take him home.
Many of the bad people in my life were not strangers and thus I don't feel the need to scare him away from them, as your closest relatives are just as likely to hurt you.
EXAMPLE TWO
My buddy back home has a kiddo that they have scared to ridiculous amounts about strangers (also some kids are just shy, that is totally fine too). IE a stranger says hi, and the child jumps behind the parents back and refuses to talk. If pressed further (or if around my child, who is furiously trying to strike up a conversation) the child will whine and tell the stranger they are a bad person.
These two very different extremes got me curious as to how other people handle this in today's day and age. | is it healthier to have a child who is so scared of people they won't speak or a child that is so hyper social it can be down right embarrassing? |
t3_4q71wn | relationships | Me (22M) with Coworker (19F), is she trying to hint at something? | Hello,
I'm absolutely terrible when it comes to reading women... I know I've been sent signals before and missed them completely and things always tend to just blown over. I'm also just getting out of a 3 year long relationship and have never really casually dated...
But anyway, this new girl started at work about 2 months ago. We'll call her Em. Right away, I thought Em was extremely pretty and seemed pretty cool. As I slowly got to know her, I found we had lots in common, but that she was a lesbian. I just accepted that and became more and more friendly with her.
As our friendship became more and more open, I found out she wasn't a lesbian per se, she was more bisexual and had just got out of a bad (straight) relationship, which she admitted she wasn't entirely over. Resume crushing.
The problem is, I'm a terrible flirt. I tend to revert to a sort of childish teasing, but she didn't immediately seem put off or anything. In fact she sort of goes with it. To be honest, I wasn't going to really make any moves or anything, and just figured she probably saw us as friends.
Suddenly, out of the blue the other day, she mentions specifically "Have you ever flirted at work" and sort of went on about that for a solid 10 minutes, talking about how hard it can be and so on. I could feel my heart beating out of my chest and wasn't really sure what to say...
Now, I know you guys aren't psychic and can't read her mind, but do you think it's possible she was sending me a message? I also know it's a bit of a fragile time for her after a breakup, so how do you recommend I proceed? | Girl at work maybe possibly sending me messages about stuff at work, but she admitted she's not exactly over her ex, what do? |
t3_skkd7 | AskReddit | Advice on Crowd Sourcing / Online Sourcing | So to start, I know that I really do not post at all on Reddit, I tend to keep to myself unless there is something that I really feel the need to chime in on. With that I know some people might look at my account and think that I am just trolling or what not. Which I am not, I have a serious question about crowd sourcing and could use some input.
A little back ground, I am 31 and a father of 2. I have a house and my wife is a disabled veteran of the USMC, she is a full time student and with her GI bill we get some BAH income for housing expenses. I recently lost my job and have been interviewing at multiple companies looking to replace my lost income. Sadly with her being in school and not working we have not had the chance to set aside anything in case of an emergency.
While I am looking for a job my wife has joined Avon, I myself was kinda meh about it since there is a lot of running jokes or at least used to be, about working for Avon. Thankfully with the advent of the internet she has her own website from which people can order without her going door to door. She wishes she could do more, but with school and the kids, plus she can't do a lot of walking due to her disability, this is about the best thing she could find to try and make some extra money.
Now I wasn't sure on the etiquette of just posting online ordering sites and saying BUY FROM ME! So I won't just go posting it. I would though love to get some information if this is allowed on Reddit or frowned up. I would also love to get any idea's on how to get her website out help her get some orders in to bring in some money.
I would say my pride hurts being a man unable to provide for his family, but I know that when times call for action that pride must take a back seat. Any advice anyone could give would he great.
Also if anyone has experience or knows anyone who has been successful with Avon or something similar that would be great as well.
I thank you if you have read this far. | Lost my job and Wife is trying to bring in some money by selling via Avon - Any good ways to crowd source her website to increase sales? |
t3_lha4q | AskReddit | Reddit please give input: I have a friend who wants to get a tent and go Occupy Vancouver "until it ends" | ill start by saying this is a throw away account and I am very for Occupy as a movement and in practice I have attended a few gatherings in my city, in Seattle and in Vancouver however my friend is 20 female, no job, much debt, and a student and is planning on packing up (from her parents house) and going to live at the Occupy location (art gallery) until it is over...she is "aware" it could be months. my top concerns are as follows ; 1. She is in debt/poor so supplies i.e.:food, camping equipment to stay warm is not something she has or can afford 2. She is a very smart girl but also homeschool so book smart not street smart (and she is going to live on a street) 3. From the many conversations I have held with her she isn't even 100% sure what she is protesting. 4. She is a student, and I know very well she will skip school when not feeling like bussing to surrey (I know this cause she skips now and its 2 blocks from her house) which she just spent 2 grand on. I could go on but I just don't feel this is a smart choice for her and not sure what to say, any thoughts? | a 20 year old female is going to tent at occupy Vancouver "until it ends" who isn't prepared and I am concerned for her safety but she won't listen. looking for advice. |
t3_368wzk | tifu | TIFU by not realizing I was being hit on | So to set the scene for this fuck up, today was a friends birthday so per 20 year old standards we went out to the bars and had drinks. Obviously that left us being drunk. So after hitting up the bars and being unable to drive home we went to one of the local hookah bars to sober up. After helping some of the workers since I am friends with them and yelling to some of the regulars and in a joking manner saying who was my favorite i went back to my seat to keep smoking, On their way out one of the girls who had been sitting next to the regulars came up to me and said verbatim "I thought I was your favorite." Being still partially drunk I tried desperately to piece together who this person was and if I knew them they said again "I thought i was your favorite" being stupid I told them I was confused and she laughed it off as she walked out to continue her night. It wasn't until a few minutes later I realized what had just happened when I turned to a friend and asked if she had been flirting with me. He shakes his head and laughed letting me know she was. I never asked her name, or anything. | Got drunk, went to local hookah bar, got hit on, looked like an ass and told her I was confused about what she was getting at. |
t3_3azb9v | relationships | Me [30 M] with my gf [32 F] living together 2m, need advice dealing with pet issues. | So the house feels nuts constantly... two dogs, cat, birds etc. One of the dogs is super anxious and barks at everything. Every day that goes by just stresses me out more and more dealing with them. One of the rules we've implemented (she agreed) is no dogs on the couch... which gf is lackadaisical about enforcing. Today after about 30m of barking at people outside one of the dogs who always goes spastic from anxiety jumped on my sick kid on the couch. Blind rage... hit the dog a few times in the side and chased it out of the room. Things are escalating in how bitter I feel dealing with these animals and their behaviors. Seems like the gf is always trying to get outta the house to not deal with it and every day I feel more resentful. Part of me knows this is just getting worse and maybe its hard to admit that. I'd like to stop feeling so bitter about the animals constantly freaking out but I don't know how to turn the bus around. Suggestions or should I just start packing? | Home life dealing with animal behaviors is driving me insane. Afraid feelings of bitterness and resentment are becoming unmanageable... is there a way to turn this around? |
t3_q0i6q | AskReddit | Really...Do you understand how it works? | First let me say, I am pro choice.
I watch the John Stewart show every night, but today I am seriously pissed off. Today John Stewart went on a rant about trans vaginal ultrasounds being required before an abortion in Virginia. The women would not be forced to look at these images, but he was equating it to rape.
Trans vaginal ultrasounds are a common diagnostic tool in gynecology. These tests are used for many things, and yes, it is used in pregnancy. Before the 12th week of pregnancy, trans vaginal ultrasounds are used to date the pregnancy. It is the most accurate way to measure the embryo at this stage. It makes sense that a doctor would need to document such a thing with physical evidence other than just taking a woman's guess on how far along she may be. Sometimes people don't know exactly how far along they are.
Also, the doctor can get helpful information about the structure of the woman's uterus, what state it is in, etc., from such a test. This benefits the woman. When an abortion is done too early, the embryo is so small the doctor can miss it all together and have to go back in weeks later. It sounds insane, but this does happen. Isn't it more traumatizing to be put under anesthesia twice, and operated on twice? Not to mention it is more dangerous to the woman.
I can understand that after a rape, such an examine can be upsetting, but it doesn't mean it isn't in the woman's best interest. A rape kit can seem invasive too, but it can help catch the s.o.b. rapist. Taking extra care to ensure the health of any woman, especially a rape victim, is the last thing that should be criticized.
One of the first tests they run, after the urine or blood pregnancy test, is a trans vaginal ultrasound. It is important diagnostic tool either way. It is not some horrible rape, as Mr. Steward is insinuating. | Trans vaginal ultrasounds are not rape and benefit women. Men, including John Stewart, stop making comments on something you know nothing about. |
t3_2he5eg | offmychest | You condescending c**t of pediatrician! | Oh, I get it. I'm on medicaid so I must be uneducated, a liar, hard to deal with, and abusing my kids.... yeah....
WELL I'M FUCKING NOT!
I graduated college with a health degree.
Bot kids are healthy and happy so please stop trying to shove unnecessary vitamins down their throats, especially the infant. My kids eat their veggies, and the infant eats her semi solid food and boob milk. In fact I'd like to point out my eldests favorite food is fish (real fish) and broccoli. They rarely get juice, and drink mostly water and milk. They're very active and play outside ALL THE TIME. In fact I'm really a lucky parent to have such awesome kids.
So, tell me again why you're talking to me like I'm stupid? Oh, you think I've been lying to you huh? We've gone over your questions numerous times. Each time you find my kids very healthy and achieving their milestones when they should be. Yet you persist on treating me like I don't know how to raise happy healthy children. And again, what's with all the fucking vitamins? Did you find them deficient in something?!
Didn't. Fucking. Think so. Its gotta be so hard for you to wrap your small head around the fact that not all medicaid patients eat like shit.
I would place money on you thinking that because you're *such a wonderful doctor* is why my kids are turning out so well. Because at each appointment you make sure to grill into me on how to take care of them properly, including all your god damn handouts.
You have no tact.
You have no respect for me, as a person or as the mother of my children.
I would love to switch doctors. But being on medicaid makes it difficult to find a good one. I've been on a "waiting list" for 2 years for one. So I'm stuck with you.
Fuck you! And all other medical professionals like you!!! | my kids pediatrician hates medicaid patients. Treats me like I'm an abusive scum turd. My options are limited because of medicaid. I just want respect and good health care for my kids. |
t3_43c15u | relationships | Me [19 m] with my girlfriend/friend[almost 18 F] 1yr and a half, advice for a fuck up | ok, so, to clarify, we dated back in middle school for a 1 year and a half, and then broke it off, we talked every now and then after that, up until i was a junior, and she was a sophomore.
i ended up moving to a different state and we stopped talking for several months. fast forward to 2016, jan 24, i started talking to her again and we ended up dating, again. but that did not last long. over the years, my self esteem became almost non existent, as well as my confidence dropping. she too, endured her own set of problems.
she suddenly stops talking to me, and when she did talk, it was of few words. i became paranoid, thinking the she didnt want me, didnt like me. my emotions began to consume me. first was the depression, then came the anger. i ended up breaking up with her last night.
the next day, i learned why she wasnt talking to me. she was studying for a competition for academic decathlon for school. and she failed, and caused her team to fail with her because she couldnt focus, couldnt stop crying. and it is my fault it happened.
now im worried about here. i apologized, but she said it didn't matter, whats done is done. i asked if there was anything i could do to help fix my mistake. she said there was not. but, she said she would still stay with me, still be my friend, even if i don't deserve it, because she promised.
i care about her, even if i wasn't ready to date her again, i care about her, and i am worried she'll hurt herself because of what i did | started dating my ex, broke up with her cuz she stopped talking, turns out it was because of a competition for academic decathlon for school |
t3_4l7ysm | relationships | Why would a man want to switch from FWB to boyfriend? | I'm just pretty confused. My friend of ten years, friend with benefits for nearly six, has just asked me to be his girlfriend.
I'm 25, he's 26.
He's a pretty loosey goosey guy, while I'm more monogamous, and it had been clear from the start that the arrangement was good for the both of us and precisely what we wanted.
Yet for some reason he's decided he wants to be in a committed relationship with me now. I just don't know why a guy would want to shift that particular paradigm, especially this guy.
Also I can't seem to find any answers anywhere else, so I figured I'd ask here. (when I asked him it was a simple "I like you". Like, wait, how could you hang around with and screw a person for that long if you didn't? XD) | Male FWB decided he wants to be more, and I want to know what would possess a man to make that decision. |
t3_2jajpz | relationships | My [24F] boyfriend [24m] brings up our exes a lot when we fight is this normal? | Bf and I have been together 2 years. We live together. We both have exes of 5 years. He hadn't been dating his for 3 years before we met. I stopped dating mine a few months before we met. This was an issue at first but we resolved it.
My bf has been bringing up both our exes whenever there is turmoil between us. He'll say something like "is this baggage from your ex or something? I'm just thinking so because my ex and I used to fight like this" Or he'll say "you're great with gifts, my ex always ruined my Christmas" etc.
About 6 months ago my bf was going through therapy and felt the need to reach out to this ex and make amends. He showed me the message and it was alright, a little inappropriate, but for the most part fine. When I told him I thought certain things were inappropriate to say to her, he freaked out and said he would message her and say he didn't mean it that way or whatever I wanted. I told him it was fine. Then a few months after that I felt the need to reach out to my ex and make amends so I did, he read it, everything was fine, nothing weird.
My question: Are we bringing up our exes too much? Is it normal to bring them up to show what faults were in the other relationship and all that? | My bf keeps bringing up both our exes (always in a negative context) I'm just wondering how much is too much. |
t3_oxwro | AskReddit | What is your best fart story? | I'll give mine a shot:
My best friend and I were driving home from the skatepark.
I had always had the reputation in my group of friends for having the worst smelling farts. Well, we were in his car, and I let proabably the second worst smelling fart of my life sneak out. Within thirsty seconds my friend was screaming and accusing me. I stayed strong in my defense that it wasn't me and it must have been him. He was so freaked out that he pulled over to a taco bell to check if he shit himself. The entire time I was laughing uncontrollably. He got back to the car so excited that he didn't crap his pants. I waited about ten hours to tell him I was the one who farted, and proceed to tell the story to people all the time. | I farted in a car with my friend, convinced him it wasn't me, and it smelled so bad he pulled over to a taco bell to see if he shit himself. |
t3_29hyt4 | relationships | Me [00 M/F] with my ___ [00 M/F] duration, short-description | [Original Here](
We spoke to the group of mutual college friends that we shared with Matt and there was apparently one instance in the past where similar behavior was seen from Matt. The friend assured me that it was never violent or threatening, simple very odd and completely inappropriate.
We didn't speak with Matt until he came home from work late last night. We decided to not be confrontational but my boyfriend and I were both present for the conversation.
Matt did not deny the situation, he told us that he had had an inappropriate amount to drink the night before and he blacked out, and did not remember the situation.
He followed it with "if she said it happened then it happened", took full responsibility for his actions and apologized profusely.
We've known Matt for years and this is the first we've ever seen from him in terms of odd behavior, so we decided to give him another chance. We have banned alcohol from the apartment (which he was completely on board with) and after hearing that he has not only a history of alcohol abuse in his family but a long battle with depression I offered him rides to seek therapy as he has no car.
I do believe that the situation happened and I do believe that Matt is sincerely trying to make this whole situation right. We did see him drink and absurd amount that night so we understood that inappropriate behavior can happen with that amount of alcohol. It by no means makes it right, but all we can do is make sure it never happens again.
I spoke to Mary about the above and she was very understanding. I told her that if she ever felt comfortable sleeping over again it would be in my bedroom alone with a lock on the door, but did not blame her if she did not. | Matt didn't remember but a friend says it happened before. Banned alcohol in the apartment, Matt didn't deny it, apologized a hundred times and is going to seek therapy. |
t3_4gm4yx | relationships | Was it wrong for me[about to be 19F] to leave him[about to be 20M] for the following reason... | I didn't feel anything anymore? It was fun for a while, and I was happy that I wasn't alone, yet I no longer felt any romantic feelings.
I didn't want to be with him anymore, not necessarily out of boredom, but everytime he said "I love you" I was basically lying to him. I wanted an honest and healthy relationship, and I wanted us both to be happy. I don't want a one sided love.
So, I told him I didn't feel anything and that it was over. This was years ago, but I can't stop wondering, am I still the bad guy here?
He's happily moved on. I stalk his FB to see if he's doing okay. My life kind of got worse though lol. Did I deserve it, Reddit?
He's always been 1-2 years older, because our birthdays are close. I met him when I was 16. | I left him because I no longer had any feelings for him, and didn't want to lead him on any longer? |
t3_wdxsu | AskReddit | What sort of asshole parenting have you been witness to/victim of? I'll Start... | At a recent family gathering held at my husband's grandparent's house, we were engaging in pizza eating activities in the Den/Bonus room (couch, tv, etc.). So a distant cousin (female) is with her 1 year old, and hands him an entire slice of pizza! Better yet, the kid is sitting on the floor where there is a dark colored carpet, and an angry, long haired, shedding chihuahua. So the kid proceeds to bang the pizza on the floor, take a bite, rub pizza on floor, be a giddy 1 year old and giggle, take a bite.
NOTE: After a few floor banging sessions there was very obvious dog hair on said pizza. He continues to eat pizza.
I ask child's mother if he needs a plate or something and she says "he won't use it anyway". Oooookay. Continue to sit next to my husband and my my own damn business.
Child gets to about crust level on pizza (still sauce) and begins to bang/rub pizza all over our pants and legs. Did not rub pizza on his Mother's pants or legs. Makes a huge mess. Really annoys us. Mother looks over and laughs and continues enjoying pizza. Parent of the year? | Mother gives a 1 year old an entire slice of pizza. Kid rubs it all over floor, all over my pants, child's mother laughs. |
t3_3e4yap | relationships | My(19m) girlfriend(18f) of 1 and a half years Wants to get a flat together. I don't, crisis inbound? | Hi redditors, first time post, long time lurker.
So a bit of back story. I have been together with (let's call her) Emily for a year and a half. And it has been great, apart from a few arguments and quarrels we have been pretty happy together. We started dating as she was in her last year of school, I had finished school and had gotten a full time job.
Things moved pretty fast and basically we had fallen in love within the first month with each other. Now, up until now we have talked about our future; kids, moving in together, what we want our future to be like. But for me, that future had always been down the road, and she knew this. I did not want to move out until after she had finished university ( which is another 3 years away) and she agreed on that until recently.
Basically Emily does not like living in her house, she feels as though she is always treated as a child and does not have the respect that she feels she deserves. She wants to be dependent on herself and not of her parents.
Que today, she had an argument with her parents and it doesn't end well. She basically tells me she can't live in that house anymore and has from then started looking at houses. She's gotten so serious she has sent me houses and flats for rent and has even worked out everything, saying she would be able to scrape by. But if I was to get a flat with her, it would be a lot easier on her.
This is where I'm torn, I think this is crazy. I understand her reasoning but I don't feel in the position to leave my home, financially I don't feel capable of living together on just my wage( not very high paying job) and her student loan. I told her that my plan was to still wait until she had finished university and when I felt in a better position financially and in mind to live together. She wasn't happy and has went to bed ignoring me.
So I ask the people of Reddit for a little help or even insight, all is welcome. sorry for the long post but I feel I need others opinion on this. | girlfriend wants me to move in with her after year and a half together. I feel we are too young and not close to being prepared for it. |
t3_2m4561 | relationships | Me [28 F] with my "best friend" [28 M] of two years, friendship? relationship? #blurredlines #badboundaries | What the hell is this, anyway? I feel uncomfortable about the things that are going on between me and my best friend. I don't want to lose him as a friend, but at the same time, I feel like we're not even friends. We're in weird, pseudo-relationship territory.
Halp?
**I'm just going to offer some bullet points of our behavior:**
we're best friends, which we profess on a very regular basis
joke constantly about getting married
we've been sleeping together for two years
we say "i love you" to each other
we lived together for a year
he gets upset and jealous when i'm on dates with other people
i get upset and jealous when he's on dates with other people
we talk about the other person incessantly to anyone who'll listen to us
we have countless nicknames for each other
we do not have to exchange words to communicate
we say "i miss you" on a regular basis
we talk constantly, to the extent that we have a daily gmail thread labeled as such
those threads have broken the 100 message limit count in the past
we talk on the phone several times a week
constantly acknowledge each other or chat on Facebook or via email if at work
**Sample dialogue:**
x: "if we were in a relationship, i would always be worried that i wasn't living up to [his ex he's obsessed with]."
y: "see, i keep telling you, it would be that way at all. maybe a relationship with x would have been good. but being with you is completely different."
x: "i know, but i think i would feel that way."
y: "you realize that everyone else i date will feel that way too, but about you." | I don't know what this relationships is, and it's bothering me. It doesn't feel like a normal friendship to me anymore. Next steps? Halp? |
t3_4x00wk | relationships | Friendship [21/F] ended for no reason. It still bothers me [26/M. | So back in December of 2013, I made friends with this really cool chick. We got along well, shared similar interest in bands and hobbies, etc. The friendship always had an ebb and flow due to life and what not, like most friendships do.
We have a good history together. We spent lots of time one on one, she wrote me from jail whenever she got locked down, and we spent a lot of time after she got out. She even has told me that I'm "one of her best friends."
Anyways, back in March or April of this year, our conversations just kinda dropped. I didn't want to persue it because I didn't want to be annoying or creepy.
Around late March, I sent a text reaching out and asking her if I did anything wrong. She assured me that there wasn't. I asked her if she wanted to go to a comedy show, and she said she had to work that day.
Late April or Early May, I sent her a text saying "Hey, kinda random ,but I miss hanging out with you. Are you still going to local shows anymore or are you kinda done with that scene?" - She never replied.
I was just like "Fuck it. If she doesn't want to talk to me. So be it." But seeing as we were good friends, she still crosses my mind and I wonder how she is, how's her life been, and if I did anything to mess anything up, and what I can do to make amends. I'm just not sure what to do. I know I should just let it go and move on, but it is really bothering me. | One of my best friends I haven't heard from in months, and it bothers me still. Unable to move on. What should I do? |
t3_1up4ca | relationships | My BF[24M] wants me[24F] to "inform" his mom/family before we get engaged since he is "informing" my dad/family. Thoughts? | **MISC BACKGROUND ABOUT US:** We have been dating for 4 years and are deeply in love. We have been talking about getting married within the year and we want to get engaged soon. We decided to inform them before he asks me, not after, because they (my dad) might feel slightly snubbed. He gets along with my family well, they like him.
I have only briefly met his family on holidays as they live across the country but have talked on the phone/Skyped with them many times. His mom is very straight-forward and a tough lady. While his parents do like me, I am not very close with them because of the distance and because his mom tends to make me nervous because I am quite shy and she is not at all shy.
---
I have told him that I think it would be nice if he "informed" my parents, specifically my dad, that he plans to pop the question. I don't want to use the phrase "asks for permission/blessing" since it's the 21st century, but I see it as a sign of respect. In return, he has asked me if I would do the same to his family. I cannot argue against it because I asked it of him and it would only be fair to do the same.
---
My questions is how do I go about this? What do I say? It will most likely be over the phone, so it is not very personal. I am nervous/scared that his mom is going to give me a hard time since that is what she normally does (she is very sarcastic). | Asked BF to ask my dad for permission to marry me, he asked that I show the same respect to his mother. How do I do that? |
t3_50j137 | relationships | How do I (28F) best support my boyfriend (33M) as we approach the one year anniversary of his mother passing away? | My boyfriend's mother passed away from a difficult (but thankfully quick) battle with a cancer that had come back - this happened last year September. He and I ended up going on our first date not long after this happened, and I didn't even know about it until we were already out and about.
We've been together ever since, and I can tell he has a kind of belligerent cheerfulness - a resolve to always look at something in the best light possible, especially if it's a difficult emotion. He's speaking to a counselor about how to better express himself and how to recognize his emotions, but with the anniversary coming up I just want to make sure I have a few ideas about what could help him.
For example, the other day I made a cake and insisted he try some - later in the day he got teary eyed and confessed how much he liked the cake because it reminded him of ones his mom would make for him. Should I do something like that again? I don't want to be that insensitive asshole that does something particularly specific right on the day, but I just want to comfort him, let him sit in his memory of her (if he wants to), and let him know that it's all ok - whatever he wants to feel or talk about or not talk about.
Any advice on how I can even bring up a question like that to him in the first place? I want to help, but I don't want to make the situation worse. | Coming up on the one year mark of my boyfriend's mother passing away. How do I best support him other than making myself available and offering an ear/hug/space? Any handy tips? |
t3_1dn8ts | AskReddit | serious question: how's a person make fast legal cash? I've reached the end of every safety line I put in place and this Rainy Day has not ended yet. | Fur reals, this is not a sob story or a scam. I'm looking for all those ideas you creative scrappers have executed successfully.
If you want the background, I worked hard - quite literally blood, sweat, tears and great personal sacrifice for over 15 years for a nonprofit - and learned a year ago that I had just shown up for my last day of work there.
I'm looking for the "proper" jobs my experience & profession would lead me to. I bartended til that place closed. I used what remained (after the Banksters had their way with it) of my retirement savings. I got a whopping $300 from unemployment every week--until today (no explanation, it just stopped). And I have all the same debts and needs as everybody else...you know, like a roof and food and basic internets and not having my truck reposessed, at least so I can continue the job-search and not live under a bridge come 1 June.
I'm signed up for temp jobs & recruiters--no love *at all*. I'm starting to write some shorties for a publisher, but that won't pay for another 25,000 words. Frankly, I'm kind of lost, freaked out and fascinated to learn what ELSE is gonna come around the corner & kick me in the teeth <<insert terrible country-western song here>>.
But my real enemy is really just not knowing what other people do in this situation; I know others know what to do & how to do it but--unfortuntely for naive me--it was just never a knowledge I needed nor built.
I know reddit's got some counsel & some ideas. Please share. | what ways do you know to make quick legitimate money? I'm fast, sharp, smart, willing and able - and also out of clues and life lines. |
t3_36lac0 | relationship_advice | [29/m] I don't think I'm cut out for relationships | I've been single for 5 1/2 years now.. first relationship lasted for 2 1/2 years, was long distance the whole time, probably the only time I've ever felt like I truly connected with someone though. She moved up to where I lived and broke up with me a week later, which was around 8 years ago (we're friends though, no hard feelings). Was in another relationship a couple years later, only lasted 4 months before she cheated on me and broke up with me (5.5 years ago).
Since then I've had 3 one night stands, all which went horribly... I've tried dating sites but they all end up the same, either I get stood up on the date, or she slowly realizes over time that I'm lame or too weird. I think maybe they're right, maybe I'm too weird or lame to be in a relationship. I spend a lot of time alone working on projects and stuff, I do have good friends that I see a lot, but a majority of my time is alone. I have depression also, I've been seeing therapists on and off for years for it, which I think is a barrier, nobody really gets that. I'm also kind of short (5'5"), and I have a receding hairline, I pretty much don't think I'm attractive at all. I try to exercise/work out at the gym 3-4 times a week just to get out of my head, so I'm mostly in shape, I just don't like how I look. | I think I'm too weird/unattractive for a relationship, maybe I should just cut my losses and accept it instead of trying so hard |
t3_3lrmu7 | askwomenadvice | 5 years ago my ex [20 M] made me [20 F] afraid to say no to sex. Is it rape? | Hi all,
While we were dating over a period of several months, my ex made me afraid to say no to sex. He was generally pretty emotionally abusive-- name calling, manipulating, gaslighting, etc. But if I denied him for sex, he would get extremely aggressive extremely suddenly.... He'd go zero to one hundred screaming, breaking things, punching things, etc. He did not ever hit me, but he was so out of control that it was clearly within the realm of possibility if I resisted at the wrong time. (And he made a few threats that made it sound like it was certainly on the table.) I don't think that behavior is normal, and I think that anyone in my position would have been afraid.
Anyway, I had sex with him a few times when I really, really did not want to because I believed with 100% certainty that he would beat the shit out of me or hold me down and rape me if I did not. I think he knew I did not want to because it was usually accompanied by crying, dead-fishing, etc. and he would be mad at me afterwards and say the way I acted "made him feel like he was doing something wrong." I understand that this is probably not something that would make it to court, and I'm not asking because I want to press charges. I just want to know for my own information. | I guess I am wondering if someone makes you afraid to say no to sex (but not as explicitly as holding a knife to your throat) is that sexual assault? |
t3_3flc36 | relationships | How do I (20F) enjoy spending time with other people more? | Hi!
Just to give some background, I think I'm pretty good with people. I make friends easily and I keep them all (at least so far, I'm sure it will get much harder after college). The thing is, I don't really get anything out of hanging out with people. Being with people makes me uncomfortable to the point where everything I do and say feels like a calculated, orchestrated dance. For example, if Sally says, "I went to Bakersfield last night", I'll remember that her grandmother lives in Bakersfield and maybe I remember from a conversation a year ago that her grandmother is sick and so I'll say something that lets Sally know that I remember our conversations and care about her grandmother personally. This doesn't sound like a problem, I know, but the way I feel about it is weird. Like I don't particularly care about Sally or her grandmother (in this hypothetical example), I'm just saying the thing that will maximize our social interaction. I feel very manipulative when I spend extended periods of time with people because when I have to talk to people for too long, I start wishing I was at home by myself (I'm pretty introverted) and I revert back to just being mindlessly charming.
If I didn't describe this well, please tell me. I promise I don't say stuff that sounds this arrogant in person, for those of you thinking I'm a total jackoff. They're just feelings that have been making me uncomfortable about talking to people because I really don't want to be fake around people. Thanks! | I guess, like, how do I facilitate social interactions so that I'm being genuine and not so manipulative? What does being genuine feel like in social situations? |
t3_1r8x00 | relationship_advice | In a Love triangle and don't know what to do | I've talking to this girl for almost 3 terms (she's the socially awkward type) but I have been having small conversations with her (currently at that time I have no feelings for her).
Tell my friend about this girl and he wants to check her out, so I show him the girl in my class he gets interested (he is also a socially awkward type but worse than her), so I decide to be a nice guy and introduce him to her. He doesn't talk throughout the conversation and I end up doing all the talking. I notices almost instantly that he has a crush on her and ask him straight out "if he likes her" he responds with a "yeah, a little".
He asks for advice on how to talk to her and I give him tips to starting a conversation with her but he does nothing. Everytime she walks past he just stands there and glares at her (me and my friends call that "eye rape") so I decide if he's not going to talk to her I will, every time she walks past I start a conversation with her. I constantly tell my friend to say "hello" or anything. He does nothing but just stands there and glares at her. He then tells me that they've been talking online via Facebook, Skype and Xbox Live but he completely avoids starting a face to face conversation with her at school.
We start talking more often and having more full length conversations (start having small feelings for her). Realize my feelings and start feeling like a dick.
I ask my friends what to do and they all say just take the girl from him, they all say I have a better chance in getting in with her than he ever does. I don't know what to do because I don't want to be an asshole and take the girl from him.
Extra Background story/information:
-This has happened before and I told him about it and he was cool with it but I knew he was upset about, he becams down and really negative about everything for weeks
-she has a height complex and im slightly taller than her and my friend is smaller than her
(I'm Also using the phone app when I was writing this) | Start talking to a girl and my friend starts to like her and I start have feelings for her and I'm stuck in a love triangle. |
t3_cjflf | AskReddit | What would be the best option to choose in this situation? | I have 2 or 3 viable options available for me this upcoming school year and I'm not sure what to do so I'm asking you, reddit hive-mind.
I'm 21, I have 1 1/2 years of university currently under my belt. I was planning on taking this year off of university to work to make some money and enjoy my early 20's. After that I was going to apply to X-ray Technologist school, which is a 2 year certificate degree. I know it pays well as soon as I finish school but the program has very limited seats so it would be hard to get in. I have the grades but the whole interview process might throw me off.
My other option is to go back to school this year and continue my university degree. I don't know what I would major in, but it would probably be Philosophy or English and get my Bachelor of Arts in one of those subjects. I know that I can't do much with university degrees in those subjects but I've heard that most employers don't care what the degree is in as long as you have one. | I can either go back to university this year and continue my degree in an arts program or take a year off, enjoy my life and try to get into x-ray tech school or back to university the next year. |
t3_24bm7h | relationships | I [26 M] feel stuck with my [26 F] partner (8 years) | I've been with my girlfriend for 8 years now, and I feel a little stuck. I often find myself wishing she looked and acted like other women I meet, and feel bored in the same routine. On the other hand, she is my best friend and I have been with her for such a long time. I can't imagine a life without her, and we really do laugh and have a great time together.
We live together, so I can't figure out if I don't want to be with her but I'm afraid of changing my entire life, or if this is just a phase because I'm a little bored. | I'm not sure if I'm just comfortable, afraid of being alone and don't love my girlfriend anymore, or if this is just a phase because I want to explore myself and life a little bit. |
t3_ignof | needadvice | Need help entertaining a friend | A girl that lives on my street has started to come over to my house pretty often (most nights). Most times, a few housemates are around so we don't have an awful time entertaining ourselves, but maybe half the time it's just the two of us. When that happens, we end up just sitting around trying to have conversation. We're running out of things to talk about, so it gets awkward just sitting around.
As far as I can tell, everything is platonic, so I'm not looking for date ideas. Just some stuff friends can do in a small town (very small town). She likes crafts and music and seems like she'd be up for most anything (she even helped us clean our basement one night). Some sort of fairly large project that would take a while might be good - we spent a decent amount of time on Instructables looking for ideas. We usually have nice weather, so bonus points for outside ideas. She doesn't work, so I'm avoiding things that cost a ton of money. | Friend comes over a lot, it sometimes falls to me to entertain her, and we have a terrible time finding fun stuff to do. |
t3_30uvdb | relationships | (Single M17 Taken F17) How do I deal with my situation? | I don't really want to intrude on someone else's relationship, but I just don't think I can help it.
Some backstory. I've known this girl sense the 4th grade. Might sound silly, but looking back I've always had a thing for her. I wasn't really old enough at the time to understand though. We used to be pretty close. But I went to a different school for a year and it kinda broke us apart.
Now well, I have more feelings than ever. Like its bad. But she has a man. They've been together for like 2 years! Its the way she looks at me in the halls. And when we talk, she really lights up! I feel like she likes me back. Every time I see her she always does this shy smile/blush thing. She also ALWAYS touches me, like I'll pass her in the hall and she'll bump into me (Obviously on purpose) and its just making me like her more.
I really don't know what to do, or how to approach. | im getting feelings for This girl I've know for ever and i feel like she likes me too but she already has a boyfriend of 2 years. |
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