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t3_16c3t1 | relationships | What is the normal amount of nights a week to spend the night with my (F23) boyfriend (M25) of 3 and a half years? | I've been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years, and we have always spent a lot of time together. Usually in spurts of staying at my house for a few nights and his house for a few nights (which ever is most convenient). Now we have a dog together and I run him every morning before work so he will go back to sleep with him when I leave. We spend almost every night of the week together (no time really during the day except on weekends). We both know it is too much, but what is the normal/best amount of nights to spend together in a relationship? | I spend almost every night with my boyfriend, how many nights a week is normal to spend the night in a long term relationship? |
t3_3yvpuh | relationships | My gf [F23] just broke up with me [M22] and I'm absolutely devastated | Today my best friend and the person I love the most in this world broke up with me today over something I royally fucked up. I completely regret what I did and please don't kill me.
So this morning I get a text saying my girlfriends friend found my tinder account, now let me say I have never had any intentions of meeting people on there and that it was only a form of amusement for me and kind of a way to boost my self esteem. We got into a huge fight before she went into work and we didn't talk all day, then around 6-7 pm I texted her telling her what a huge mistake I made and that I love her more than anything and such, as we'll as telling her that I couldn't be any more sorry and that id do anything to make it up to her. We then got into another fight with her asking about the account and what I did with it. I told her I used it before we got together and a few times for amusement but she didn't believe me. I would never even think about cheating on her and I know it was stupid of me to choose an app that is infamous for being a hookup app. Then about 30 mins of arguing she says that were done and I disgust her and make her sick to her stomach because she thought I was the one. So then and there she broke up with me and I did the dumb thing of begging and asking for one more chance and this led to more disappointment because she wanted nothing to do with me and said I made her sick. I drove down the road and lost it for about an hour. I wanna know if there's any way I can save our relationship because I really need her in my life because she is my best friend. | I messed up big time and I need to know if there's any way I could save my relationship with my best friend. |
t3_1396h5 | running | Switched from Vibram Sprints to Nike Pegasus, but now my knee hurts. | Okay so I started running in **May 2012** in my Vibram Sprints and ran three half marathons in them. I was running about 8-14 miles per week. I got a stress fracture( I think) in my right foot on my **10/7** Half Marathon and stayed off my foot until **11/5** and no more pain. On my first day back, I noticed discomfort in the outside of my right knee that I have never had before. I'm assuming its a tight IT Band and a result of different running mechanics switching from barefoot shoes to traditional running shoes. I ran a half marathon on **11/11** and noticed discomfort on the right knee, but I have not ran since then. I even went to get my shoes fitted and my stride/arch analyzed. When I walk around, the outside of my right knee has discomfort, what could it be? | Stayed off my foot for 4 weeks due to a stress fracture. Switched from Vibrams to Nikes and noticed discomfort in the outside of my right knee. |
t3_4j5k26 | relationships | Me [17F] with my BF [19M] 2 years, He broke up with me because I didnt want to have sex. | Jake and I have been dating for a while now. He was one of the coolest guys in school, and I felt incredibly lucky when he asked me out. Dating him has been mostly great. The only thing is that when we got together, he wasnt a virgin, and I was. For a while, He was very understanding about it.
Over the last couple of months though, he slowly pushed my boundaries, and would complain, and push me to go further and further.
A couple of weeks ago, he told me that he couldnt wait anymore. Jake said he had needs, and I wasnt fulfilling them. He broke up with me.
I was really sad, and i didnt know what to do. A few days later I called him, and told him that i was ready, and I would sleep with him. I know that i wasnt really ready, but i didnt want to lose him.
When the night came, and he got to my house after i got out of class, I tried not to be nervous. During, I got a little emotional, and I cried a little.
Afterwards, Jake seemed really annoyed and left straight away. He sent me a txt, saying that he made a mistake dating a girl like me, and that I am too childish. He said that he wasted his time with me, and I need to grow up. He said that he is done with me. He doesnt care if i tell people that i broke up with him, or if i tell people that i never slept with him. He said that he had never felt so wrong in his life.
I dont know what I did to him. I tried to apologize, and I called, and texted, to ask what i had done, but he wont return my calls, or txts. He blocked me online, and i dont know what to do. | Jake broke up with me because i wasnt ready to have sex. I did it with him anyway, because I didnt want to lose him, but he broke up with me anyway. |
t3_3os8oj | relationships | Me [22 f] with my friend [25 f] she's making poor career choices and I don't want to interfere but... | My friend is in a lot of debt (student loans, car loans unpaid credit cards). she is working part time in one of the most expensive cities in the US and plans on starting uber. she was recently offered a full time position with benefits but plans on turning it down because she won't be happy (then why did she apply in the first place?) there and rather work at her part time job and uber.
I think she's being immature and should take the job (will be making way more money, better long term career aspects), but I have no right to tell her how to live. I'm a little bitter because she stayed at my place (small studio) for 2 months (was supposed to originally be 2 weeks) without paying rent (when she was unemployed). And wants to stay at my place again till she finds her own place closer to her job (but has a very small budget and won't be able to easily find a place since its an expensive city). I don't mind helping helpless friends but I don't like helping friends who make stupid decisions and depend on others. | friend got offered a good full time position and won't accept it, rather do part time work and depend on me for housing. |
t3_2ow6xx | relationships | I [22F] am reminiscing of an ex [23M], but am committed to my fiancé [25M] too? | **Background:** I have been with my fiancé Ryan for 2 years, happily. We live together, have a fur family, and I am really excited to be spending the rest of my life with him. I've never questioned my commitment to him, and he's always been my rock. We have not had any serious issues that we haven't been able to solve with calm discussion, and have "clicked" since the beginning.
Anyways, I recently ran into an ex-bf, Tyler. We dated for a little over a year in 2011. When we broke up it was my fault. I was jealous and self-destructive and needed space to sort out my life. I think I had always sort of planned on going back to Tyler. During the break up, his parents were getting divorced and I was struggling in school/with depression. After this, I dated an abusive new guy on and off for about 8 months before beginning to see Ryan. Leaving Tyler was hard for me, but I just did not want to be in a relationship. I feel guilty because he was so good to me and I just sort of up and left out of nowhere.
**My problem is this:** I can't stop thinking about Tyler. I've been dreaming about him, reminiscing over fond memories, etc. I just cannot get him off my mind! I'm starting to worry that there's something to it. I've told Ryan and made sure he knew that I am not second guessing my relationship with him, I think it's just a crush on the past, but I'm worried that it is not going to go away. | I can't stop thinking about an ex from over 3 years ago, and am worried it might start effecting my relationship with my fiancé. |
t3_1ovyos | AskReddit | I live in the second story of a two story apartment complex. Do my first story neighbors have a legitimate reason to complain about hearing us walk? | The people that live underneath us are extremely loud, but we have never said anything to them because we realize that they can probably hear us walking sometimes. My boyfriend and I aren't very confrontational people, either.
That being said, our neighbors are rather obnoxious. The man that lives there drives this rather nice mustang. He likes to park right in front of his apartment. (It is understood that 2nd story residents should get to park a little closer since we have a flight of stairs to walk up. This is a nice and quiet complex). When he locks the doors of his car, he honks the horn several times more than necessary. He then slams his front door, full force, shaking our entire living room. It occurs every time he comes back from something. We can countdown the seconds until the loud slam. It occurs at any time during the day or at night. This has been the norm since we moved in, in July. More recently in the past month, we've heard them screaming at each other in the middle of the night, and it is quite disturbing. We've missed out on a good bit of sleep because of them.
This brings me to my issue: The man that lives there rang our doorbell in the middle of the night, just to inform us that they can hear us when we "run around," and he "didn't want to sound like a douche bag." I didn't raise the issue, because I had stumbled over my own two feet earlier, so I apologized. I am really angry though. We have not bothered them once about anything and then he has the nerve to bother us in the middle of the night.
Is he justified or do I have grounds to complain to our landlord about this? If not, what should I do? | Loud, asshole, downstairs neighbor tells us we're bothering them even though they have been horrible since we moved in. Wat do? |
t3_35yzhl | relationships | I (31f) have a hard time figuring out how to effectively communicate issues with BF (34m) who claims to value open communication. | We are a couple for 1.5 years, and when we began dating he talked a lot about what he's learned from his failed marriage and how much he values open communication (which I agree with as well).
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It seems we have different ideas on this and it is causing a lot of problems. We DO have plenty of issues, and when something comes up, I attempt to talk it through with him. However, I'm noticing a pattern. I will explain why I am upset and my perspective. In return I'll get this type of response:
* That's bullshit.
* That's not true.
* That's your opinion.
* Well, I don't agree.
I get *nowhere* with him. I can tell him something has really hurt my feelings and why, and he'll respond with *"sorry to hear that"*. That's it. Or *"that's bullshit and you know it"* (Um, obviously no I don't).
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So now I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore. I love him, I want to be with him, but I'm contemplating leaving because I find this so frustrating. He runs from problems or else he tries to distract me from issues. Or throw me off by saying that I have done something to upset HIM. It's weird. I just find it confusing because he claimed to be so interested in open communication and he appears to do the exact **opposite**. | BF claims to be very interested in open communication, but he is terrible at it, and thinks it is my fault. |
t3_18zyfu | relationships | How often does someone, in this case my 24yo bf, to act like they are less in love, with their SO, 24F? | I am my boyfriend's first SERIOUS girlfriend, we will be dating 2 years in June. I have had one other serious relationship. Basically my boyfriend has been pretty messed up from his past relationships. He was in love with his ex who took his virginity (and who has caused some serious problems in our relationship, sadly). He has told me that every girl he's ever cared for he's felt like he put himself out there more, thus he does things to make me feel like I love him more. Yeah, its pretty shitty, but he has been a lot better recently. But he still does things that make me feel like he is pushing me away. I moved to another state to be with him, we have a fairly colourful past that has actually strengthen our relationship. I am confused. I have never been in this situation before. I have always felt like I was just in love with the other person not worrying about how much they care for me. I get that he has been through a lot. I guess my question is, is this normal? For someone so jaded to push the person they claim to love further away the closer they become? | My bf's ex is a mega bitch and messed him up. Now its affecting our relationship where he feels like he needs to have the upper hand and control. Has this happened to anyone else? |
t3_4gl3hs | relationships | My [29f] soon-to-be MIL [49f] told everyone attending my bridal shower about a stupid childhood fear of mine. | Resubmitted for age and gender of involved people.
Let me cut straight to what I've been so embarrassed to admit:
Ever since I was 5 and a blind man gave a speech at my school, I was afraid of sleeping (or closing my eyes in general) because I thought I would wake up without my vision. I got over that mostly when I was 14, but I still hold a fear of going blind.
Now I'm 29 and engaged. My relationship with my fiancé (who is also 29 if it matters) is great and I have no problems with that; it's the soon-to-be MIL that's causing my issue.
Every single family gathering. Every. Single. One. My bridal shower, namely. She told *everybody* attending about my childhood fear.
Now, I have a big family, and my fiancé's family added onto that is enormous. Everyone was there, everyone caught word, and everyone laughed.
I didn't cry or yell at my MIL or kick my attendees out for laughing, or anything of the sort. But I *was* pretty upset. My fiancé said he would talk to her, which he tried to, but she dismissed him quickly. My FIL apologized to me on her behalf, which I am grateful for, but I still feel embarrassed about what she did.
My wedding is in two weeks and I'm stressed enough with arrangements, but the incident is weighing on me even more. I don't know how to solve this or how to relieve my humiliation. Help! | My MIL told everyone at my bridal shower about my cringy childhood fear. I feel humiliated still, my wedding is in fourteen days and I'm freaking out on how to solve this. |
t3_3ega9g | relationships | Me [35 M] with my girlfriend [32F] 7 months, I want to break up but don't know how. | Met a girl online, went on a few dates and started fooling around. I had told her I wasn't really looking for a girlfriend, but after about 4 months it ended up being an exclusive relationship because I cannot seem to say no.
She's a great person and treats me wonderfully and sex is not an issue, but I'm feeling very trapped and I don't get as much personal time as I'd like to have.
Whenever I try to push for some she says things like "you are sick of me?" "you don't want to be with me?" "you don't want to spend time with me?" etc. Basically guilting me into hanging out with her. This is not the only time she does things like this, but she does it a lot, pretty much anytime there is a difference of opinion.
When I do stand my ground, bam she cries. So now I feel like I'm walking on eggshells.
To top this off, we're both big people who have struggled with weight. I am making efforts to cut out sugar, I got to the gym almost everyday. She on the other had is always buying sweets and has tons of candy around and has stopped going to the gym long ago. This is becoming an issue for me.
I don't want kids or marriage, ever. She talks about when she gets married blah blah kids...she doesn't seem to believe I never want children. So to me it doesn't seem like we want the same things in the end and I am fearing I am wasting her time.
Long story short, I feel like I want to break up with her, but I know it's going to break her heart. I do like her as a person and I think very highly of her....I just need my space and I can't get it due to emotional manipulations, which I'm sure are unintentional but is making me want to run far and fast.
What can I do here? | Want to break up due to some differences, can't bring myself to do it because I know it's going to destroy her. |
t3_lpazz | BreakUps | Not sure what game she's playing... | About 10 weeks ago my girlfriend and I had a messy breakup. She found out I lied about a thing I had during a break in our relationship on the day she was moving 2 hours away. When she was back in town a couple weeks ago she woke me up to give my things back and tell me (repeatedly) that she was over our breakup, and found me disgusting. She also told me she's happy now with someone else, and told me her reason for bringing me my things was to tell me she isn't "broken" and I didn't ruin her life, and because she didn't want any reminder of me in her room at home anymore.
The above conversation was the only time we've spoken since she left. Today I was casually facebooking (I've been blocked by her since the day she left ((facebook, phone, email, all of it))) and saw that her name popped up as "liking" something or something along those lines. Turns out she's now unblocked me on facebook. Hm. Weird.
What do I do now? Should I block her? I don't want to see her name/face/anything. I took the breakup really rough, and I'm doing well, but by no means am I over her. On the other hand, I don't want to seem like a child. When she blocked me my first thought was "wow, how immature." and I got angry. Also, why the hell is she unblocking me to begin with?! Two weeks ago she never wanted to speak to me again, and it isn't like she has to actively block my page. You just put the name on a list and you can leave it there forever. She had to go out of her way to do this, and I'm not sure what the game is.... | Ex unblocks me on the internet. I'm not sure what her game is. Probably looking too far into it, but it'd be nice to get some others' views |
t3_1xb2qn | relationships | My (16/F) great grandmother (90/F) is on her deathbed. Family drama is already arising. | First off, I'd like to apologize in advance for my horrible writing skills and errors. Also sorry for the length of this..
Just a little background info: My grandma has 6 kids, the eldest being my grandma (my mom's mom). Like most families, we have had a fair share of family drama. But now, I feel like every day there's another conflict.
For example, the other day my great aunt (grandma's sister) told my mom that her brother was allowed to talk at the funeral, but not her. My mom, of course was very offended by this, but let it go since she wasn't even sure we could afford to attend the funeral. I just think that's wrong for her to say that to my mother. Who gave them the power to dictate who gets to speak at the funeral? For the past few years they barely gave a shit that my grandmother was obviously declining, and now all the sudden they're in charge of everything that has to do with her?
Another thing is that everyone knows how much my grandmother hates her picture being taken. And now that she doesn't have the power to say "don't take my picture" my great aunts are taking all kinds of pictures of her at the hospital and posting them to Facebook for likes. My mom commented something along the lines of "If you know someone wouldn't want a picture of them taken, you shouldn't post it." And all these people just exploded, saying rude things like "Classy. God bless you (my aunt)" and "It's reality. Get over it." and comment after comment being rude. I told my mom that her comment came off sarcastic and insensitive maybe, but some of the things they were saying were so out of line, in my opinion. It's not the fact that my grandmother looks depressingly sick, it's the fact that if she understood that a picture like that was up for hundreds to see, she would be so upset.
It's just very sad to me that I probably won't speak to multiple family members because of these issues. | Dying great grandmother, great aunt tells my mom she's not allowed to speak at the funeral, and posts picture that my great grandmother would be mortified to know is posted- gets offended when confronted. |
t3_1wif5k | weddingplanning | Book-Themed Bridal Shower? | Hi everyone. I wanted your opinions about my idea for a potential bridal shower theme...books!
I'm currently talking with my aunt and family about what type of Bridal Shower I'd like to have. My fiance and I are already planning on doing a honey-moon registry because we have all the kitchen/bath stuff that we want. I'd like to have a bridal shower, but my Aunt thought it would be "odd" to not have any actual gifts to open at the shower, so she wanted me to have a "real" registry with house stuff on it as well. This way, I could open a "real gifts" at the shower instead of people giving to the honeymoon fund.
I also tend to feel that showers, etc. where people are obligated to give you gifts that you've already picked out for yourself are somewhat impersonal. I was wondering about what kinds of things others could give us that would feel more personal but also be useful to us. Then I thought that the one thing that most about-to-be-married couples need is advice.
Then it hit me...we could have a book themed bridal shower where everyone gives us their favorite book about marriage/love! It could be from any genre, but it would have to be something that would teach us something about marriage. A cook book teaching how you to cook and care for each other. A do-it-yourself fix it book so we could learn how to fix our shared home. A fictional love story, or poems. The Kama Sutra! And, everyone could include a personal inscription in their book, like a card that you can keep forever.
What do you think about my idea? Does a book-bridal shower sound fun/interesting or does it sound crazy?
P.S. I also thought this could serve as an amazing baby shower theme! Give the kid your favorite books from when you were a child so she has books to read as she gets older. | Would it be cool or wacky to have a book-themed bridal shower where everyone gives their favorite book about marriage/love? |
t3_2maj81 | tifu | TIFU and am probably going to get disowned next week. | As my username implies, I am a lesbian. My parents know about this, and aren't the most approving people, but getting better.
I am also dating someone. About a year ago, my parents found dirty messages between the two of us and told us to break up, blocked my SO's number from my phone, etc etc. We didn't break up, and are still dating.
Since then, I entered college. My SO and I now live an hour and a half from each other, and have been visiting almost every weekend. As you can assume, I've taken a lot of pictures of us on my phone.
Here's where the FU comes in. So I dropped my phone the other day (iPhone 5c) and the screen went partially blank. I tried to fix it myself, and told my mom about the problem. She saw that my phone was available for an upgrade, and told me she'd take the upgrade, get an iPhone 6, and give me her old one (that she is currently using).
I freak out. When the Apple store does the data transfer from my old dead phone to her current phone, she is going to see pictures of my SO and I, some dirty ones, all our inappropriate messages (we use the google voice app to talk), and a few pictures of my nipple piercing that she doesn't know about.
I have the sim card and did a remote erase of my phone from my computer, however that doesn't work unless my phone is connected to wifi, and it will probably be dead by the time it gets to her. I tried to connect it to my computer to erase it, but it didn't work because I couldn't enter my password (dead screen). She just messaged me and I told her I had the sim card, and she got angry and said the Apple store will now not be able to do the transfer, and I would have to send it to her and go without a phone for another week.
My parents said if they found me talking to SO again, they'd make me move to [college that's 30 minutes from our home instead of where I am, 5 hours away], or cut me off. I have another week until this happens.
I fucked up, Reddit. | in a week, parents are going to see pics of my SO and I, and I'll get disowned or cut off. I'm scared. |
t3_1c1p9q | relationship_advice | I don't think I have feelings for her anymore! >:( | There's this girl (20F) who I've (20M) been pretty close friends with now for the last few months. We're a lot alike, we're going to the same college, we like the same things, we hang out with the same people. Life is pretty good.
Then I fell in love with her. And I mean I fell HARD! Problem was, she is NOT looking for a relationship right now (damaged goods thanks to her ex) and she just wanted to enjoy being single. Ya know, live life like Archer. That bothered me for the longest time. I was jealous of the guys she was seeing, I was paranoid that she was gonna stop being friends with me because I wanted to be in a relationship. Things just got out of hand.
Now, just tonight, after torturing myself over this woman for months. After wanting nothing more than to be her boyfriend so desperately. After crying myself to sleep countless times. I've just stopped having these feelings towards her. I don't feel like I want to hold her against myself anymore. I don't feel the urge to kiss her or even hang out with her anymore. It's like she just ceased to be interesting to me.
I think she does have feelings for me. She's admitted to having them but not wanting to express them at this time (again, she's hurt). And I get that. I totally get it. It all seems so clear now. The problem is, I don't WANT to not have these feelings for her. I WANT to love her. I WANT the desire to still be there, but now I think I've lost it.
This is really bothering me right now. How could this happen? Am I really that fucked up? I don't want to be indifferent towards her. I'm afraid. Hell, I'm terrified. She's the only person I've met that I've ever felt that I truly loved. I'm so confused. Can someone help me out with this? | Loved girl, she can't reciprocate (even though she probably does have feelings for me), cried a lot, now I don't feel anything towards her and I'm PISSED! Is this normal? Help! |
t3_39ovsf | relationships | Me [24/m] thinking of entering long distance with my [23/f] but could a quick mutual break up be better? | Heading into a long distance relationship and seeking advice on whether it is really worth it, also advice on getting too emotionally invested too quickly.
Story
Me [24/m/Australian] met [24/f/Taiwanese] at the end of my 3.5 years overseas study in Japan. She was only in Japan for a week at the time. I hopelessly fell in love with her in the few days we had together, 2 months later I went Taiwan and convinced her to date me (that sounds bad but just means she was hesitant at first). I went back to Japan for 3 months to finish my course, we did long distance, then I went to meet her in Taiwan again before we both moved to Australia where we are now. Its been about 6 months total dating.
So she has a 6 month study exchange coming up in Italy in 2 months time, which I'm fine with but financially I could only go for about a month with her.
Problem is after that she wants to move back to Taiwan, Australia life doesn't seem to be her thing and I want to go to start University in a bigger city in Australia.
I love her and she says she wants to try long distance for the first few years of our relationship, but I don't know if it's worth the loneliness and work. 6 months is fine, but open ended is hard. I'd rather we could mutually break up now in person, rather than 1 year of long distance later over skype.
I feel so stupid having this reconsideration now (not that I have decided) and I feel so bad telling her these feelings and seeing her cry, after completely pouring my heart out to her at the start of the relationship. I'm stilling aiming for a solution where we can stay together.
This is the 3rd serious relationship in my life where I've fallen so love it has brought me to tears and I no it's no greater than what everybody else must feel, but its hard.
Everytime I have another sexual partner I feel a bit dirtier and every time I feel this deeply for a person only to have the relationship finish it feels like a waste and like there is less of me left. | Heading into open ended long distance after a quick love fueled start, is it worth toughing it out or should we end it now |
t3_4ujtuu | relationships | Me [18F] with [22M], when do conversation killers turn into take a hint? | I met this guy about 2 weeks ago from a friend of a friend, and we really hit it off. Unfortunately he lives 2 hours away so we've only been texting/snapchatting. We used to text quite often, and recently it's been dropping off. Sometimes he's really good at starting conversations out of the blue and keeping conversations going. But he's also very good at ending them. It's to the point that 9/10 times I try to start a conversation, I get a one-word response. It's really pretty annoying. Is it intentional? I'm not sure if it's one of those things where he's tired of initiating the talking so he's trying to force me to do it or what. Is that even a thing that guys would do? I'm thinking that if he's not willing or doesn't want to put in the effort, I should back off before it gets embarrassing for me. This is my first time trying to talk to someone only through the phone, so I just want to make sure I'm reading this situation correctly. | We texted a lot but not so much anymore, sometimes he's really willing to talk, but is very unresponsive when I initiate the conversation. Should I back off? |
t3_4fws76 | relationships | Me [44 F] with my fiancee [45 M] 7yrs, he's threatening to physically stop me from taking our 5yr old twins when I go see my family 1 hour away. | First time posting...Please be nice.
My very controlling fiancee and I have been together for 8 years and we have 6 yr old twins. He has on a several occasions screamed in my face and thrown things at me while arguing. We don't have a date set for a wedding and lately, we have been arguing quite a bit and I'm considering leaving.
However, I don't make enough income at the moment to move out on my own. Plus, I don't want to put my girls through trauma if and when we separate.
I want to go see my mom this weekend but he's telling me he won't agree to it. I think he will try to physically stop me and I'm afraid he will make a scene in front of our girls and the whole neighborhood.
Can he legally try to stop me? Does he have to verbally agree to the situation? Say if I call the police for assistance when I'm making my exit? I'm not sure of my rights as the parent with no custody agreement. | Can my fiancee of 7 yrs legally prevent me from taking my twin daughters out of the house to see my fam! |
t3_12oa92 | relationships | Slept with a married woman a few times and she is taking "us" too seriously. [31m, 33f] | I should preface this with saying we both are cheating and I get that people aren't really fond of that sort of behavior. I'm not asking about the appropriateness of the cheating. Just more how to unhook this woman. I'm 31m and I've been married 5 years. A couple months back I ended up getting involved with a coworker, Aubrey (33f). She has been married for something like 10 or 12 years and has a couple kids.
We started off as just coworkers and became friends. I would let her complain about her husband, who apparently is a total sack of shit and just listened to her. I love my wife and I'm pretty happy with her so I wasn't complaining too but I just lent her an ear. That went how it normally does and we gradually began to fool around. We had sex a month ago for the first time and then went on a fuck-fest for a couple weeks. Which is fine and totally fun.
Issue now is that she is talking shit I don't want to hear. How she finally has the clarity to leave her husband and how we can be together. I don't want any part of being with her. I have my own family and wife and kid and I'm not looking to leave them. I encouraged her to work it out with her Hubs and she hasn't really listened.
This isn't my first time in this rodeo but its the first time a woman has gotten hooked like this. I've started to ignore her at work and I'm putting on a cold front for her. I don't want her to do anything stupid (i.e. tell people at work or my wife). Its sort of the risk I take with things like this I know but I'd like to minimize the chances of anything go awry. | Married man had an affair with a married woman. Married woman is becoming too attached and I'm concerned of the consequences. I do not want to leave my own marriage. |
t3_45uh5k | relationships | I [17] recently found out I'm the reason why my mom's career as a film producer never happened and I think it's straining my parents' [50s] relationship. | Soon after I was born, my mom got herself, my dad, and I to move to Los Angeles so she could attend a certain film institute and become a film producer. However, she quit before finishing, since then she hasn't had an actual career in anything, despite being a smart and talented woman.
She's been an emotional and financial drain on my father and I because of this. I've talked to him about divorcing her, or at least creating some distance for an extended period of time. He shot my idea down, stating that divorce is too expensive and it'll devastate my younger sibling.
I recently overheard my uncle and dad mentioning her having depression, but I brushed it off. Earlier today, I discovered anti-depressants under my mom's name while cleaning our house. I confronted my dad about it.
Turns out she has post-partem depression. Not just any kind, but post-partem depression, because **me** being born made her feel like a sack of shit. This form of depression is why she didn't follow through on her dream career of film production and her resulting behavior and actions made my dad's job of being a father and husband more difficult.
I feel terrible and guilty. I'm the reason my mom didn't become a producer and because of this it's probably sending my parents' marriage straight into brutal divorce territory. I always assumed my mom was naturally moody and neurotic and I grew up with her randomly screaming at me for screwing up random stuff. Turns out there's a side of her I'm never gonna see and I'm responsible. | I technically gave my mom depression and it prevented her from becoming a film producer and now her and her depression is exhausting for my dad. |
t3_43hsq4 | relationships | I [21 M] have never been in a relationship, and I don't know how to make myself someone worth being in one with. | I'm a 21 year old, nonvirgin, sociable, college student who has never been in a relationship. I've come to realize that since I'm the common factor in women being uninterested in me for anything more than sex, I'm doing something wrong or not providing something that I can't see.
The closest I've ever been to a relationship is when a girl led me on with the promise of a serious relationship upon her return from abroad. Only for her to return and say she only said that drunk after a break up, and didn't expect me to take it seriously.
I just don't know what I can do. My friends seem to think I'm funny, I'm sociable, I'm not in terrible shape, and when I'm not depressed people seem to like me.
How do I become a better person? | I have no idea what people want when they look for a significant other. I try to be the best person I can be while being myself, but my best isn't good enough I guess. How can I be a better person? |
t3_2ym2y8 | personalfinance | Question about Authorized user on credit card. | I currently own a home that I plan to keep for the long term (bought at a low price and great interest rate) and most likely will rent it out in the next few years when me and my girlfriends child is old enough to go to school. The house is exclusively in my name.
Me and the misses mutually agree we don't plan on being married in the legal sense any time soon. I would like the next house to go into her name exclusively. When that time comes (few years) would it be smart to add her to my credit card (15k limit good standing) so she doesn't have to sign up for for more than 1 card (only has one with a 500 limit) to make her credit line higher? I don't plan on actually giving her a card to use.
Will it make a difference when they pull her credit when buying a house? (15k vs $500 if both have a low ratio of spending)
Can I just take her off after we get the keys? | Can I add my girlfriend to my credit line as auth user when we buy another home and than remove her after the transaction is finished? |
t3_4s5qgi | relationships | Me [24 M] with my gf [22 F] of 3 years, troubles with jealousy and clingyness | My gf and I have been together for 3 years. The first two, I was extremely clingy and jealous. We broke up (it was only one the issue) and did our own thing for 8 months before getting back together some months ago.
This time, I'm resolute to be a lot less jealous and clingy. And I try. But she's still telling me that I bother her with my demands of communication and such.
For example, she's visiting friends 1h away from the beach this week-end. I asked very little question about it, thought they would sleep in her friend's flat and go to the beach during the day. To get there, she had to carpool then meet-up with a friend. I had no news during the day and I sent her a message to check if she was at her friend's flat. No response. I sent a text, wasn't delivered so her phone was probably discharged. I sent one brief message to her friends asking if she was there, no response too, so I guess they were without battery or network. This was last friday.
Back to today, she just send me a message telling her phone had no battery as it didn't reload correctly thursday night. Her friends had no battery too. I tell her that I would have like a little text to tell me her phone was nearly out as it would have spared me a lot of worry. She told me that I'm bothering her very much (to put it politely) and that she apologized, that it was due to circonstances out of her control and that I have to stop being clingy, telling me she loves me only when I'm not clingy.
Meanwhile, I just want her to see that all this shit could have been avoided if only she had the little presence of mind to text me about her phone battery.
Am I being too clingy ? Or she being unreasonably intolerant of my demands because of past behaviour ? | Gf says I'm too clingy when I just ask her to be aware of her phone battery when she goes on week-end, to spare me the worry of having no news for days. Is she right ? |
t3_2u205i | relationship_advice | I [28/f] have somewhat different morals than my bf [31/m]--how to deal? | I'm not going to claim that I'm a great person, because it's simply not true! However, I do value honesty very much. Like most people, I occasionally lie, but I hate doing so.
My boyfriend is very kind and has strong relationships with his family. However, sometimes he seems to follow rules for himself that take advantage of others. For instance, he did not return work clothes (a few hundred dollars worth, I believe) to his former employer because they don't keep track of that stuff. This really troubles me; I don't even take pens from the bank.
Would it even be ethical for me to ask he not do things like that? I understand that people sometimes lie and cheat a little, but that just seems like it's going too far. I don't want him to be a clone of me, but I still want to feel like we're on the same page. This is a fulfilling relationship and I consider him to be my friend first and foremost. | Probably overreacting, but is it possible to get on the same page with a significant other regarding day-to-day (but not insignificant) moral issues? |
t3_2hqtep | relationships | Me [21 M/] co worker [17 F] have a crush on her but getting mixed signals help!! | I'll get right to it. Me (21) her(17) got hired together 3 months ago. We go on lunch together at work or even breaks, and talk alot when we are alone. She is always excited to see me and she smiles (not sure if its her being friendly). Now she said she doesnt date co workers but I keep getting mixed signals. She called me cute and she asked if I had a gf (I asked her first though and she is available) and I replied "No, but you can apply" She replied 'haha but i would never "apply" ' is she waiting for me to ask her out? How can i ask her to know if she likes me? I dont want to ask her out and lose her friendship if she says no, please help I'm seeing her tomorrow at work and want to say something but I dont know what. Also, Do you think the age difference is to much?
I should add that co workers said we would make cute couples and she brought it up to me. Alot of them think we are dating to. | Like this girl at work, dont know if age matters and Im seeing her tomorrow and want to tell her something but dont know what?Co workers think we make a cute couple, please help |
t3_toi6n | AskReddit | Dear Reddit, I want to go on an adventure. What would be some good advice? | Okay, so ... I'm nearing the age of 19, and I haven't really done a whole lot with my life. I'm a Christian, and I've been reading "Wild at Heart" by John Eldredge. It's been life-changing, and it has inspired me to just go out and do something. I want to walk somewhere far away with nothing but a backpack and sleeping bag.
My query is this:
What does reddit think I should do? I want to be on foot for sure. But how would I go about surviving and legally staying outside? I don't know anything about this type of adventure, and if anyone can shed some light on the topic, I'd appreciate it. | I want to walk someplace far away with a backpack. I want an adventure. How do I do this efficiently? |
t3_2bxpm2 | relationships | Me [21 M] with my LDR SO [20 F] 2 ½years, can't handle the unkowing of our relationship. Please help. | We have been together for 2½ years now and have had a LDR (Long distance relationship) for most of the part, as I live and am from Sweden, and she lives and is Minnesotan/American.
It has been kind of fine and dandy, we both figured now afterwards that we got too comfortable with the situation that we had, visiting each other here and there and so on. But right now we are on a break, even though its not a break as we talk almost daily and try and figure things out. It's more her(she initiated it, I agreed to it) wanting to figure out herself of how she wants this to happen and if she can proceed.
Why? Mostly because of all the gray area. If I had been american and had been living in Sweden for school it would have been different, we would have known when we'd be together again. Now? Not so much. She is starting school this fall and im starting next year which means it will be a few years until we are together, who will move where and what will happen?
What i'm trying to say is, she needs to figure out if she can handle not knowing if we will be together in two years, five years, or ten years, as we just dont know when it will happen. And I have no idea what to do or how to handle this. As even though its really hard sometimes, I think its worth it and I just hate the thought of having a break up to rekindle things years later, if thats even possible.
I'm just looking for advice or how to procceed, anything really as I don't have that many close enough friends to *want* to talk to them about this. | LDR SO don't know if she can handle not knowing if we will be together in two years, five years, or ten years. Need advice on what to do or how to procceed, anything. |
t3_1sstz6 | relationship_advice | My [20F] girlfriend says she doesn't love me anymore. What can I [19M] do to get her back? | Let me explain, so things weren't exactly going peachy. There were trust issues on my part mostly after she texted an ex 2 months ago. I thought we were making things work and I knew that there were things we did need to change, on my part exclusively and not necessarily her part. She just came back from a trip from Florida to visit her mother and the entire time we were texting and calling and I was saying that I miss her and there were no signs that we didn't have a good healthy relationship. We had our off days, sure. During that two week leave there were days I was just very upset that she was gone and I felt that she didn't reciprocate those feelings back to me. She came back on Monday and I was finally happy again and I was ready to continue on into the holiday season with this wonderful person. I'm Thursday, she told me that she didn't love me anymore and that for the past month she was unhappy in a relationship. I didn't know I didn't know that this was going on for so long, I knew things weren't great but I did I didn't think that things were so bad. I thought things were going good, not great, but I felt that we could still make something of it. I was very open to change and I was very open to becoming a better person through her and through my own actions. Any advice? Is there anything I can do? Or do I just have to accept the inevitable and just understand that the soul mate in my life is gone. | Girlfriend went on a trip for two weeks, came back Monday and told me she didn't love me anymore Thursday. Help. |
t3_1sfz4n | relationships | I (23 F) do not want children and my (25 M) fiance thinks I will change my mind eventually. | Like I said I do not want children. I find them repulsive. I would be perfectly happy living a childless life. My fiance loves children and wants to become a father eventually. I have told my him many times that I do not want children, but he doesn't seem to believe me. He tells me that my mind will change when the time is right. I have explained to him that it isn't that I'm not ready, it's that I don't want them at all. I enjoy my freedom and don't want to dedicate 18+ years of my life caring for another human. I love him very much, but I hate the thought of marrying him and denying him something he wants so badly. What do I do? | I (23 f) don't want kids and have told my fiance (25 m) but he thinks I will change my mind. What do I do? |
t3_xus7p | AskReddit | Reddit, what was your first brush with the law? | Mine was rather tame. While in college and living off campus in an apartment, one of my roommates was playing his music too loud while being alone in the apartment. One of our neighbors attempted to knock on the door and ask politely to turn the music down, but he couldn't hear the door over the music. In response, she called the cops and they came to the apartment after the rest of us had returned.
Later, another roommate of mine was in the bathroom as a knock was heard on the door. I wasn't expecting anyone so I didn't go to answer the door, but my roommate did. Upon seeing a cop at the door, rather than answering the door, he came to my room to notify me that a cop was at the door and what to do. At this same time, my other roommate flushes the toilet as the cop knocks for the second time. I call my roommate an idiot for not answering the door and I go to answer the door myself.
He asks what took so long to answer the door and I reply that I hadn't heard the initial knock, which he overlook and immediately asks me to step outside to answer some questions. I, knowing I had done nothing wrong, agree and step out to the hallway where he takes out his flashlight and starts to shine it in my eyes. Anyone with a bright light in their eyes is going to squint, which he took as me "being on drugs", which I vehemently denied (and I wasn't). He gave up on that assumption after I adamantly requested he test me for drugs or not make such an outlandish claim. He resigned his statement, realized he had nothing and told us we had a noise warning and left. | Cop showed up to give a warning of a noise violation, thought we were flushing drugs down the toilet, accused me of doing drugs, but didn't charge me with anything and left. |
t3_3xvy0x | relationships | I [31 M] have a hard time respecting the silly beliefs of other people | Hello everyone!
I am German, and I just had an argument with a friend of mine that he prefers me to use German terminology rather than English terminology, when possible - however, I often use English terms, simply because they come more naturally to me (I spent a significant time living in the U.S., among other things). So, I don't care about English or German, but he doesn't like random English terms in German sentences, because he associates them with marketing and other negative or stupid things.
In other words: I think his reason for not liking English is rather silly - but, it wouldn't be too much of a problem for me to avoid using English words in his presence either.
However, for me this is part of a larger problem with other people: I don't like adjusting myself to the beliefs of other people which I consider to be "idiotic". Unfortunately, there are a lot of beliefs I consider to be "idiotic", such as vegetarianism, religions, feminism, etc... basically, from my point of view almost anyone has at least a few beliefs which I consider stupid or silly.
I want to emphasize that I don't really mind if other people have those beliefs - however, I expect them to respect that I have a different point of view as well: I want to be able to eat meat in the presence of vegetarians, and I want to be able to openly criticize religion and feminism in the presence of people who have a different opinion about these things.
So... I am not sure, but am I too intolerant or insensitive or something? How do you typically deal with this? Do you just say "Yeah, whatever..." and adapt your behavior? Because I somehow don't like feeling restricted by other peoples beliefs, as it feels like a lack mutual respect... | When someone believes in things which I consider to be silly (which applies to almost anyone) **and** expects me to adjust to this belief (which applies to a fair amount of people), I have a hard time respecting that. |
t3_2lpl97 | relationships | Masturbating to porn is being unfaithful | Given the different demographic in this sub reddit, if be interested to hear your views on the subject. Originally posted on /r/sex
My wife [40/F] and I [36/M] have a loving relationship [8yrs, 4yrs married] built on common interests and shared views on many things. However the one area we are very different is sex. I've posted on /r/deadbedrooms before, but I wanted to see what your views on masturbation were?
She doesn't mind me doing it solo, since I don't have to burden her. However she feels very strongly that me masturbating to porn is cheating on her. She says in imagining having sex with these women and that is unfaithful. Especially because the Asian porn stars I watch look nothing like her physique. She makes me feel bad, guilty, dirty that I have to hide in the bathroom with laptop and pretend to be occupied, or secretly knock one out while she is in the bathroom.
Is this normal reaction from women? Am I abnormal enjoying, wanting to watch it. I'm not addicted, and it's nothing extreme. She has 'read on the internet' that porn is unhealthy and gives men unrealistic expectations of sex in real life. I assure her, I know men aren't hung like donkeys, and women don't all have huge melons, and that men don't normally slap women around with their cock etc. I'm pretty sure I know what is acceptable and what's not. Besides I watch pretty vanilla Asia porn... maybe there's something wrong with me, that I feel the need to watch porn? Surely just imagining your wife should enough? (That's what she says)
Anyway, if I'm not happy with this situation, how can I get her to see my needs without disrespecting her, instead of invalidating her emotions, by going against her objections and watching anyway, and thus ignoring her view and insulting her. | wife [40/F] thinks watching porn is equivalent to cheating/being unfaithful. I [36/M] watch it in guilt, shame and secrecy. Help. |
t3_4h2lde | relationships | I [21F] have a huge crush on my best friend [21 M] and I finally confessed. | Long story short, we've been friends for nearly 4 years and went through nearly everything together. The only issue is that he's extremely emotionally withdrawn and shows little to no emotion towards the people he likes, and all of the hints he drops are subtle - we talk about texting in the shower, so on so forth.
I told him how I felt the other day and he completely brushed it off, while other people thought that he was leading me on. It's unbearably awkward because I don't want to talk to him if he's going to avoid talking about this, but I'm unsure of what to do at this point in time. Does anyone have any advice? | Told best friend I liked him romantically, he didn't take it/handle it well, and now we're not on speaking terms. How to handle this? |
t3_2mtk39 | relationships | Me [19 M] with my girlfriend [19 F] of a year, trust issues on my side. | Hi,
I've been in a LDR relationship with my girlfriend for a year now. I really love her, but I dont trust her anymore and its tearing the relationship.
In my girlfriend's previous relationship there was a guy, lets call him "tony". Tony tried to initiate on my girlfriend and tried to make her cheat on her boyfriend (my girlfriend told me this. He would also get her stuff for free). Based on everything I've heard about this guy, is that he only has bad intentions and trying to hook up with my girlfriend.
I always trusted my girlfriend 100% until she began talking to Tony behind my back, even tho i asked her if she could cut contact with him, which she agreed to. I noticed his name on my girlfriends phone when we were spending time together(i didnt go on her phone,it showed up on her display) and i confronted her later about it. My issue is that she was defending her actions, but eventually admitted that she had been lying to me, but she doesn't think it's a big deal. I feel like she cheated on me emotionally, and I have no idea why she wanted to hide what she was doing from me. I've been trying to move on and put it behind us, but she simply think that what she did wasn't a big deal at all, but i feel it is. I think what she did was unacceptable, but im trying to forgive her, but she thinks the only thing she did was lying and I don't.
Almost everyone in her friend circle have been unfaithful in relationships, but my girlfriend says she's not like them and wouldn't do it, because she think's it's wrong, but i have issues believing her. In the beginning I was resenting her, but it's gotten better now.
I came here for tips on what we should do. Am I wrong for being the way I am? I really want to move on, but we're stuck and it's a blackhole in our relationship which gets bigger and bigger..
I'll link this thread to my girlfriend later. | Girlfriend lied, she doesn't really feel sorry about what she said, we can't come to a closure and struggling to move on. |
t3_13iqlw | jobs | Ideas for a low-key off-hours job (a job I can do while I'm doing my other job, so I can work while I work...) | Here's the situation: I have a job that I love, working as an editor for a nonprofit. Save for occasional meetings, the gig is 100% telecommute, with some degree of flexibility about when I put in my hours (generally, I'm asked to be on chat and available during the business day, but a major portion of my job function can be done at any time).
Unfortunately, the pay isn't quite cutting it, and I'm loath to ask for a raise: I doubt I'd get it, and it might unsettle my employers. I'm also loath to quit, because everything's right about this job except the salary.
So I'm looking for a part-time gig. My initial thought was freelance editing; I'm qualified for it and could probably drum up the business, but the pay would be crummy and the work would be unpleasant (I love editing, but one's brain is only able to do a certain amount of it each day).
My second -- and I hope better -- idea is to find a nighttime or weekend job at which I could multitask. If I could knock out some of my day-job work on the weekends, I would free up time during weekdays to spend with my wife and daughter, which would be great. Front staff at a hotel or motel seems like an obvious route, and security seems like a possibility, too. Anybody have any other ideas? I suppose that I need to make about $1000 a month. | My current job is making me broke and I need a supplemental second job. Bonus points if I can do my main job at my second job. |
t3_4kgnmq | personalfinance | Credit Score dropped three digits because of Mom's ex-bf unauthorized usage of our CCs. Do I have any recourse to stand on, legally? | Story time,
A few years ago, my Mother allowed her boyfriend stay with her, and over the course of that time the boyfriend apparently went behind our family's back and began using the credit cards she had available, without permission. Some of them were in my name, other's were co-signed between her and myself.
Fast forward to last July, he asks her to marry him, she says yes, they get home after the vacation, he leaves her, and then she discovers this wonderful trove of credit card notices saying that she owes hundreds of thousands of dollars. Apparently since he was at the house all day every day, he was able to skim the mail to hide his activity until he left her. She said she settled the cards up with the bank and paid off many of the CC's that were abused, but now I am receiving credit collections people calling me about a card that I wasn't aware I had and, after reviewing my finances, saw that my credit score took a 100+ point hit because of this entire debacle.
My question to /personalfinance is, do I have recourse at this point? Can I move this into the credit card fraud realm, as I wasn't the one using the card at the time, and might not have even been in the state at the time, as I have moved around the US over the past few years.
Or, are there other options that might be available that would resonate with my unfortunate situation I've been shoved into?
I'm really scared and frustrated at this turn of events. Before this, my credit was sitting at the low 700s and I was in good merit, now I am terrified of being turned down by apartment complexes or jobs because of what's happened to me. | Mom's Ex-BF used CC's that he wasn't authorized to use a few years ago, now the CC's are coming at me when I didn't make those charges and I'm drowning. Help. |
t3_2rp978 | tifu | TIFU by taking a little nap | Well this actually happened in the summer of 2011. Better late than never I guess?
Since me and some friends decided to go clubbing in a city nearby, I invited them over to pre-drink at my place.
To get to the club, you have to take a 25 minute train ride. The last one until 4:30am departs at 12:30am, so this is the one we always take.
By 11pm all my friends were at the table and started to get a little tipsy. Fast forward.
12:15am: my friends, the booze and I left the house to go to the train station. Luckily, we made it on the train just in time. We were all pretty drunk by now, but still holding alright.
~ 12:40am: next stop was ours. Apparently this is when I thought the time was right to take a piss. I was then sprinting - in reality probably just crawling - to the bathroom in the back of the wagon (My memory of this part is a little cloudy..).
~ 12:55am: I woke up on the pooper. After I most definitely washed my hands, I got out of the train at the next stop.
~ 1:10am: I must have realized that there was no club to be found near this train station. So by now I was wandering around this little town, trying to find the club or at least the way back to the train station I had just left.
~ 1:45am: didn't find shit. I remembered that the next train wouldn't arrive until roughly 4:30am anyway, so I figured that the only way out of this dilemma would be a call to my parents (my smartphone was broken, so I just had a good ole Nokia with me which had neither gps, internet nor a color screen).
~ 1:50am: I called my parents and told them the name of the street I was currently sitting on. They figured out in which town the train's next stops were and told me to sit tight.
~ 3:00am: I got in the car and fell asleep immediately.
Turns out I walked about a kilometer away from the train station. | Got shitfaced, missed my stop by sleeping in train's bathroom on the way to the club. Parents had to drive 2 hours in the middle of the night to get me. |
t3_1vw07u | running | Q: Anyone ever organize a virtual race before? Could use some advice. | Over the next few months I'm going to be tasked with raising money for a non-profit animal rescue organizatioin. Since I'm a runner and am active in a rather robust local running club, I was considering doing a virtual race/run. I've been doing some hunting online over the past several days and have found a good deal of information on obtaining medals (and I think I might even have a manufacturer picked out), but I'm a little unclear about one rather important aspect: the shipping costs associated with getting the medals to the participants.
So, if any of you have ever organized a virtual race I'd really appreciate any words on the subject. As many participants will actually be local to my area, I'm hoping to cut at least some of the shipping costs by holding some group runs and distributing the medals on the spot. Also worth mentioning, shipping will only be done within the continental US. | Shipping is expensive and that's a little scary for someone new to running a virtual race. How would you deal with it? |
t3_2ona7z | relationships | My[25M] more then FWB[29F] randomly stopped talking to me | So a little background I said more then FWB because the girl just got divorced in August and insists that we not term what we are as boyfriend/girlfriend which I am fine with. That being said we have been talking everyday and spend most night at one or the others place. Even she has admitted that we aren't really just FWB. I have been seeing her since the beginning of October.
Now on to the issue at hand. I went back home for a week during Thanksgiving and she left for training (both military) which she returns from this Friday. Well starting Saturday her communication started getting off( like I said we have been talking everyday) and then yesterday she stopped responding all together. I have a suspicion that she hooked up with a guy she knows that lives there as she mentioned that it could happen before she left. If it did happen I have mixed feelings but as she has made it clear that we aren't in a committed relationship.
She has stopped talking to me once before when we first started seeing each other because in her words "she liked me too much." Communication is definitely not her strong point. So how should I approach it? I have only texted her twice because I don't want to come off as clingy but I really want to know whats going on. Even it's that she doesn't want to see me anymore that's fine. It's the not knowing that's driving me crazy. | My FWB has developed into a quasi relationship. I suspect that she slept with someone else and that's why she stopped talking to me. I have texted her twice, How should I proceed? |
t3_1wj0dx | relationships | My 23M boyfriend of two years just broke up with myself, 20F. Feeling all sorts of lost. | My boyfriend of just about two years just broke up with me, it wasn't something I saw coming or expected. I am especially heartbroken because he was always so adamant about us being together through thick and thin. Turns out that I was more loyal to his word than he was.
He says he wants to focus on school right now and finishing school and paying off his debts from school, but he always knew this was coming so I don't know how he didn't attribute it to starting our relationship two years ago. He'll also be making lots of money when he's done with school so I don't see why it's such a big deal?
He also makes time for his friends, and his band still which plays out of state/country shows - so I'm not quite seeing his excuses as reality and more of just a ploy to be alone. This, is mostly why I'm feeling so hurt.
I'm just absolutely heartbroken and feeling so lost. This is the first time in a long time I haven't had the answers for myself and I don't know what to do to make him come around, or if he will. Sigh. | What's the best way to deal with being dumped by someone who says they want time for A, and can't be with someone, but still makes time to include B,C, and D in their life? |
t3_3dy3y7 | relationships | I [21/F] have never had a boyfriend and it's starting to affect how I feel about myself. | I'm 21 years old, have elected to travel for long periods of time over the years, and have never had a boyfriend. I've just gotten back from a long trip overseas, have returned home to sea of friends stuck in old relationships.
This has made me think about myself, and what I want from life. I think that in the past I've never met someone who I thought I could be in relationship with. Going overseas did change that a bit, however I've come back feeling worse about myself than when I left.
I feel part of this is because I am holding my self worth on my lack of intimate romantic relationships.
As stupid as it sounds, I feel like I'm going to be alone forever. I don't know what to do, as it's a viscous cycle in the sense that the longer I stay single, the more I feel as though I do not deserve love. | 21/F, never had a boyfriend, don't know what to do, it's beginning to affect how I view/feel about myself. |
t3_e3mje | AskReddit | My Wealthy Friend Said She'd Invest in My Idea. What Do I Do Now?!? | I'm one of those "idea" guys but I'm good at implementation once I know the proper steps to take.
I need your help.
I have an idea for a business - think producing entertainment media and selling it. Nothing fancy, but the niche/twist on the idea is what makes it unique. No, it's not porn.
I half jokingly explained this idea to my friend who made a shit ton of money destroying the economy with hedge funds and she said "I'd invest a bit in that" and I said "yea, haha" and she said "No, I'm serious, I just need a proposal".
*All I have is the idea, a logo and the domain name I registered a few years ago.*
I can pretty well explain the various channels of monetization and stuff, but I don't know what she expects.
Does anyone know what one of these things looks like?
Are there things I definitely should/should not say?
I don't even know what else to ask! | My rich friend will invest in my idea if I give her a good proposal. WTF specifically goes into a proposal? |
t3_28efbj | tifu | TIFU by reading no sleep before going to my night shift job. | So, I work at a homeless shelter. I'm a 5'4 girl, and my shift is from 1 am to 9 am. I work my shift completely alone and don't have much to do until earlier in the morning, aside from signing people in and doing laundry. Everyone sleeps upstairs, and the downstairs is completely empty during the night. There had been movement on the downstairs camera, but it was dark and I thought I had been imagining it in my fear. Downstairs there is a huge mess hall, and a lot of side rooms. I have to go downstairs and through the mess hall to get quarters for the laundry, and had been putting it off until it was a little bit brighter outside since I was too spooked to do it right away (I know, that's really dumb). So, it's about 5 30 and there's finally a dull blue light outside. I decide to go down and grab quarters. I run through the mess hall and go to the side office and start unlocking the door. As I open it, I turn around to see a woman standing a few feet back facing me completely blank faced. I felt my jaw fall and was so terrified I couldn't even speak. I thought I was having a heart attack. I ran into the office and slammed the door shut behind me. This lady proceeds to walk over and annoyedly knock on the window, asking what time it is. I snapped out of my terror and realized she must have been assigned a downstairs bed for whatever reason, and the person who works before me forgot to mention it. | TIFU by reading scary stories, working night shift at a shelter, and making a total ass of myself in front of a harmless resident. |
t3_2xoiry | relationships | My [25m] secular/atheist immediate family doesn't want me to appear religious in front of other family members because "it's embarrassing". | I recently graduated college and since then, have been researching religion. I've always believed in God but have never really looked into religion before, and I'm kind of loving the experience of checking out churches and temples.
I'm going on a family trip for a few weeks and they are adamant about me not bringing any religious texts, analytical articles, or anything of that sort and have said "our family doesn't need to know about your newfound faith". For the most part I completely agree with her as this has been a private journey for me and no one needs to know about it, but I think restricting my reading material/forbidding me from checking out the local places of worship is a bit much, especially considering I'm 25 and not a rebellious teenager.
Last night they sat me down and said they just didn't want me reading it and if I had to bring it, to keep it in my car in a place where no family or neighbors could peek in the window and see it because it was embarrassing to the family and "people might think you've gone mental". I could see this request being okay if I were 17-19 and living with them, but this is not the case. I told them I'd most likely just be reading in my room alone before bed, and they told me this was still a bad idea because "what if someone comes in and sees you". I think they partially think I'm doing this to look edgy or something.
Am I out of line or are they? | My newfound quest for faith is embarrassing to my secular parents. I guess it's just something I figured because they see religion as a sort of joke, that they wouldn't mind too much if I got involved with it. |
t3_4dkyj7 | relationships | My bf (21M) and me (20F) can't find a city where we can study together | My boyfriend Mike and I have met each other almost 2 years ago and have been dating since January last year. It has been a long distance relationship till January this year when I moved to his country (we both live in the EU) and started an internship while he is finishing his apprenticeship.
We have a loving, devoted relationship, can talk about anything, there were only small bumps (mostly when I was depressed, I am fine now) so far and we have worked through them. We have talked a lot about future together: family, finances, career, residence and I think we can make it work with enough dedication.
My career path has been very rocky so far- I dropped out twice, firstly because I chose the wrong study and the second time because I was extremely dissatisfied with the quality of my university, although I really enjoyed what I chose. I want to continue this study in his home country but I have to fulfil some requirements such as this internship I am doing now.
Mike will be done with his apprenticeship in February 17 and we both want to study afterwards. The problem is my study is very specific and usually it can only be found at smaller, mostly private universities and his is a classic one from big universities. So far it looks there is no place where we can both study what we want.
What can we do? I don't want to lose him or go into the long distance relationship again and I also don't want to study something I don't 100% enjoy. How can we compromise here? | Bf and I can't find a place where we can both study, I don't want to risk my career but I also don't want to lose him. |
t3_gcenw | AskReddit | I just drove myself to the ER, did I do the right thing or am I over-reacting? | I had in my abdomen since Friday, the pain was very severe and right below my naval. I attributed the pain to bad chimichangas or awkward fitting pants. However the pain didn't subside after changing or having a bowel movement or two. After a day of resting I figured I had pulled a muscle or something. However 6 hours ago I realized it hurt when I wasn't moving and might not be a muscle injury. I went to webmd and plugged in my symptoms and got appendicitis as my diagnoses. I figured I go in the morning and get checked out. I sat in bed in pain trying to sleep, until it suddenly subsided after sharp pains. After google apendicitis again on my phone, I realized that it mightve burst. Am I over reacting? I never thought of myself as a hypochondriac. | Sharp pain in abdomen I thought was bad food , and later I figured it wasnt food. Googled my systems and got appendicitis. Pain subsised might meaning my appendix burst. |
t3_456roe | relationships | Wife and I (30's) struggling to have children. Father-in-law worried I might leave | My wife and I have been together for almost a decade, married for four of those years. We have been struggling to have children which has been difficult for us. Recently my wife spent some time with her parents and her dad said something to her about worrying about me leaving because we can't have kids.
To be clear the thought of leaving my wife has never crossed my mind. Nor will it. We discussed the possibility about not being able to have kids before we even married and what our thoughts were on the matter. My wife and I have no issues and talk regularly.
I asked my wife if my FIL was generally worried because she is his daughter or specifically worried thinking I might leave. Hopefully that makes sense. I asked my wife if she wanted me to talk to him to reassure him and she's been kind of noncommital. I have a good relationship with my in-laws but at the same time I'm not all that comfortable discussing this with them or anyone else besides my wife. The only other person that I've really discussed this with was my brother.
What are your thoughts on whether or not I should have this discussion with my FIL or should I leave it to my wife? | Wife and I struggling to have kids. FIL worried I might leave. Should I discuss with him or leave it to wife. |
t3_n5w6v | AskReddit | What is the hardest thing you have ever had to do? | I'll start.
I am young (only 20), I'm an engineering student at a University. So don't condemn me on my English. I am actually going through one of the toughest things I've had to do so far in life. It's my third year of school and I realized this year that I absolutely abhor Computer Science, then logical me decide it's a good idea to say "fuck it" and skip classes for a month. You know since I hate my major. Of course depression sets in and I see no point in even going to class when I decide I should since I've already missed so much. I ended up talking to a professor who suggested that maybe I should take next semester off, which I never thought of as a viable option. So here I am middle of my first semester of more than half way through my college education and decide I hate my major and I need a change. I go home and talk to my parents, and tell them I am deciding to take next semester off to go to community college and really move on to something I enjoy. This is probably the hardest thing I've done in my life so far. Mostly because I feel like a failure and that I've disappointed my parents and friends.
So what are the hardest moments you've gone through? | half way through college, hate my major, decide to take off next semester to find out what I really want to do in life. |
t3_3w5hhv | relationships | Me [21F] with my SO [26 M] of 6 months, about to meet his extended family for the first time. He is really nervous about me getting offended or just put-off as they are "hillbillies". What should I expect? How can I help things go smoothly? | I love my boyfriend to bits and we are both pretty progressive. I have absolutely no issue with the way he treats me, but he can be pretty traditional about things like always opening the door for me and buying me flowers a lot. It's only ever sweet things like that though, he considers us equal and often comments how much smarter I am than him.
This weekend I'm meeting his large, extended family at a christmas event. As soon as I said I could go he got really nervous and kinda tripped up whatever he was trying to say. Finally he got out that he loves his family but that a lot of them can be embarassing/offensive and is worried about me getting scared off or angry about something that's done or said. He said they're all hillbillies.
I really don't care where he comes from, it's him and his decisions that matter to me. But I can't deny that an evening with several dozen possibly sexist, racist hillbillies sounds like hell. So does anyone have any tips for me? I really have never been in this kind of situation before, I grew up very differently than he did and I don't want to mess anything up. Obviously I know that I might have to turn a blind eye to some things I'll hear or see, but I don't mind that at all I would never dream of making a scene or anything in front of his entire family the first time ever meeting them. I just want to be prepared and would really love some perspective maybe from someone like him, that grew up to be very different from their family and maybe how they handle the embarrassment. I really don't want him to think that I think any less of him for his family's actions. | About to meet an extended family of offensive hillbillies, how to handle this best and reassure SO that his family doesn't change my opinion of him? |
t3_1zx6lv | relationships | Me [00 M/F] with my ___ [00 M/F] duration, short-description | I am a 23 year old college student, and my girlfriend [21] and I have been exclusively together for about three months. We had been seeing each other for about three months before becoming exclusive as well. All in all, she is great. We have similar personalities and hobbies, so there isn't much conflict. Most importantly, we are very comfortable around each other. Since we are similar in many ways, each of us can be ourselves, relax, and simply enjoy each other's companies. I've always been an odd one, but she has been, too. Therefore, I feel more comfortable with her than I have been with anyone including family members in my life.
I, however, have some doubts (for a lack of a better word). I do not feel the same way as I did with my first girlfriend. My ex and I dated for a few years, and it was a very positive experience. With my current girlfriend, I do not have the same electric feeling. Maybe it's because with my first girlfriend, everything was for the first time. I don't mean I do not care for my current girlfriend. I certainly do. It's just that I am not sure if the lack of ecstasy this early in our relationship that makes you tremble and smile from ear to ear is a bad sign for the future. Or, maybe I have just grown up just a little.
Second, we have not had sex yet. Therefore, I am unsure about our sexual compatibility. I am physically attracted to her, and she is to me as well. Is the only way to find out our compatibility through the actual act itself?
Lastly, to the older/more experience Redditors, did you know early on if you and your SO were meant to last? For example, was it the sparks between you and your SO that indicated that it was "right" or was it more compatibility and comfort?
Please help this youngion out! I would love advice from all but advice from those older than me would be great too! | Girlfriend is great and we are a good match. However, no sparks like in the past. Is this a sign? |
t3_ybvj1 | legaladvice | Where can I learn about the Ontario/Canadian Legal System? I recently got in trouble and I have no clue how anything works. | I was recently charged with Break and Enter. Was drunk with some friends at university and we were on our way home from the bar and wandered into a recently shut down high school. It was unlocked and we weren't stealing anything.
Anyway that's not the point...
So I've been to court twice now and spoke with the duty council who just keeps telling me to hire a lawyer and scheduling me to come back to court when I'm prepared with one. This is my first offence and from the people I've spoke with for advice a lot of them have said that there is no way they will give me a criminal record. It will probably be a conditional discharge. Which I'm fine with.
I'm just trying to avoid having a criminal record. I'll do probation and community service to avoid this.
This is my first offence. I've never had any problems with the law before just one bad decision one night.
Anyway, going through this process I feel completely blind because I have no clue whats going on. So my goal is to learn as much about it as possible so I can make informed desicions for myself instead of blindly following the instruction of some duty council guy who keeps trying to get me to hire him. | What are some good sources for learning about the Ontario legal process so I can educate myself on what I'm going through? |
t3_1o0rfy | tifu | TIFU by eating jalapeño poppers and going with my friend to get his car checked out | It all sharted when I went out the night before and decided to eat jalapeño poppers while drinking
Fast forward to the next day...
What seemed like a regular day ended worse up worse than ever. Basically my roommate took off work today to get his car checked out and I thought "Hey ill go along for the ride" we didn't think about much more than that. Anyway we get to the place and they tell us they have to hold the car for a few days to fix things which was something we did not plan for
We were stranded but we decided to start walking to his grandparents which turned out to be an hour and a half of a walk. It was awful but boy did it get worse. About 30 minutes into the walk I felt that familiar kick in my stomach and I quickly reflected on my past meals which came back to the jalapeños. By god I had a severe case of the shits and there wasn't a toilet for about another mile.
For the length of that mile the pain of clenching and walking was unbearable.
As soon as I saw the closest fast food place I couldn't hold it anymore. I had released my clench and shit in my pants. I ran into that KFC like I've never seen a toilet before. That pristine white beauty my salvation. I let go and I could feel it going all over the place. It was rough and it was ugly. It was amazing. I didn't get to enjoy it for long after. I shuffled for toilet paper to find that there was none. I knew my choices were to use the sink or go out with shit in my pants.
I tried to lock the door but the button got stuck and wouldn't fully lock (I thought it was locked because it got stuck in) and leaned against the sink splashing water onto my ass
Not soon after a KFC employee entered the bathroom to my surprise. Saw me with shitty pants around my ankles splashing water onto my ass. | Ate jalapeños, had to walk for an hour, got the shits, got walked in on while splashing water on my ass. |
t3_1rkvty | relationships | I [20F] feel as though my SO [21M] ignores me for his family when he is home visiting. Am I overreacting? | We met our Freshman year of college and have been dating for about two years. While we get to see each other at school, our actual homes are several hours apart and it becomes a special treat over long breaks to get to see each other.
We are very close and spend a lot of time together, so being separated by 3 hours of distance is already hard. My SO is much closer to his family than I am to mine, and that leads to texts not replied to for hours (or not at all), Skype calls that last until someone in his family wants to do even the slightest thing, and no phone calls.
I love my SO but it seems like I am placed second though we are very serious (dating over a year, intend on getting married after school). I don't mind that there is a slight lack of communication while we are apart because I want him to spend as much time with his family as he can, but after two years of dating I feel as though I shouldn't be left out or forgotten completely.
It makes me question our relationship because though I don't expect to be fully integrated into a family I've only known for a short while, I still feel that if I truly mattered to him, he'd make time for me just as I do for him. | My long-term SO and I sometimes have to be long distance, and he ignores me (almost completely) for his family when usually we are very close. Am I wrong for being hurt? |
t3_2v0jqt | relationship_advice | [30 M] Very high standards, am I screwed? | Me:
* 190 lbs
* 6' 1''
* 30 years old
* Blondish hair, green eyes. Roughly disinterested look about me
* 6 figure salary in a midwest state
* Moved back to America from Japan a few months ago
* Personality is probably stand-offish and proud. I like to think I have a good level of discernment
Standards:
* Must be a virgin. Usually ask a woman on the 3rd date. Have dumped many women over it, even beating the living crap out of one of their brothers after I was attacked. Guy ended up in the hospital with a broken arm
* Reasonably good looking, no plain Janes
* BMI of less than 22. No questions asked.
* No modern feminists or women with family issues, self-entitlement or a lot of male friends. If she checks her phone for a text once during a date, she's done no questions asked.
I have a lonerish sort of personality, and most people would say I am intimidating because I refuse to smile. In general I won't make a lot of effort with women. I see the idea of "the red pill" or "game" as comical, and beneath me. It's a tool for insecure men to blame their failures on some imaginary 'hypergamous' nature of women.
When I lived in Japan for 4 years, I had high standards, and mostly got away with that. A few of the girls I dated were models, one was a car model that had a very innocent personality. Had she not died, we'd still be dating. Women went out of their way to talk with me or set me up with their friends, but I cut most of it off. I guess I've stayed a virgin out of some ideal my grandmother put in my head about waiting until marriage. Obviously, most women find that idea very disconcerting. | Big in Japan guy returns to America after 4 years, finds high standards incongruent with reality of fat, promiscuous and otherwise misbehaved American women in the countryside. |
t3_3iabf8 | relationships | I [19/M] have a hard time dealing with the fact that I am the 'reacher' and my [20/F] is the 'settler'. | First of all, I know that this is a really juvenile problem, but I don't really know how to deal with it. Also I am not a native english speaker so please forgive my mistakes.
I met my girlfriend in Highschool, and we were not very close at that time. We really met at a friends party about 6 months ago, we started getting closer and got together about 3 months ago. Our relationship is pretty good, we have a lot of common interests, I like her friends, she likes mine etc.
As you could guess by the title, I am a believer in the 'theory' that every relationship has a 'reacher' and a 'settler', and I know for a fact that I am the reacher and she is the settler: she is very attractive and beautiful (not saying that to brag myself), whereas I'm kind of out of shape, studying computer science, not the usual 'ideal' I guess.
She has more experience than me (both relationship-wise and sex-wise I guess), and she used to date guys that were way more attractive and good looking than me (popular guys at highschool etc).
Everything is going pretty fine between us really, the problem is that she gets a lot of male attention, and I'm quite uncomfortable with it: a lot of guys are always talking to her on facebook, there would always be some guys trying to hit on her when she goes out etc. I'm not jealous at all, I know her enough to know that she is not the cheating type (if that exists), but it's still bugging my mind, and I do trust her completely.
How should I deal with this? Should I talk to her or take it upon myself and live with it? Sorry again for the juvenile question. | Going out with a hotter and more experienced girlfriend that gets a lot of male attention, trusting her but still annoyed by that. |
t3_1gj22z | BreakUps | We (him20, me21) broke up about 6 months ago, but talked throughout. I miss him now that we don't talk, just need some words of encouragement :( | Well, we are no longer in contact. Sometimes I really miss him since we would text all the time, but I'm fed up that he never really cared much... I'm going to have to see him in a class that we have together and I'm really not looking forward to this at all. I'm not sure how I'll even deal with it since I don't want it to get in the way of my academics anymore. Sigh, just need some encouragement and tips to stop thinking of him too much or how to properly react when I see him in class. | Will be seeing my ex in class soon, still very hurt about the break up. Just want some tips on how to deal with this. |
t3_3q5ol4 | relationships | Me [24 M] with my Girlfriend [27 F] of 4 years, have finally moved in together in her country, but i don't want to live here.. | Me and my Norwegian girlfriend have been having a long distance relationship for about 3 years. After studying abroad in Norway, and meeting her there, I fell in love. I visited her about 4 times a year, and I just finished college. I moved in with her in her home country of Norway, and I have been here for a few months. She spend her time studying for her masters degree, and I work part time at a restaurant. However, the more that I am here the less I want to set roots down. I miss my family, my friends, and my life that I had back home. I dont know if its me resisting change, or if Im scared of being in such a committed relationship at this age. It would be perfect if she would want to live in USA with me, but she seems very firm on not living there. She says she wants to live here in Norway and that she would never want to raise children in the USA. I dont know what to do. She loves me, and I love her. I just cant shake the feeling that if I stay here, I will be unhappy in the long run. Please, If anyone has any advice or anything that might help, I would appreciate it. Thanks for reading. | Moved to Norway to be with girlfriend of 4 years after long distance relationship, now I feel I wont be happy in this country and wondering if we should break up. |
t3_dg1yi | needadvice | Should I do an honors thesis for my major? | Background Info: currently a junior, GPA is 3.589, Major is Editing, Media, Writing (under the English Dept)
Considering my cumulative GPA and GPA for all my English courses is high enough, I was offered to begin work for Honors in the English Dept last week. Basically it requires that you attend Honor/Thesis Seminars (about 9-12 hours) and complete a thesis paper, along with the guidance of 3 faculty members.
The problem is that for my concentration (Editing, Writing, and Media), I have absolutely no idea what to base my research thesis on. The only thing an English major could focus on (probably analyzing a historic document or work) just bores me and I have no enthusiasm for all the work that lies ahead because of it. I'm planning on pursuing a career in Public Relations, so I feel that any thesis I complete under the umbrella of the English Dept. will pretty much have nothing to do with PR at all. Despite this, I think that completing the Honors work will look good on my transcript for Grad School (I plan to master in Communications). | Should I trudge though the Honors work that has no interest in me and nothing to do with my future career, or should I go through with it for the sake of just getting into grad school? |
t3_pipb1 | AskReddit | Question on getting a call from a headhunter | Hey Reddit, this is my first post (hear for r/fitness and r/quitsmoking) but I am seeking advice. I have been unemployed for some time now. I have some college experience but I dont have a degree in anything. Today I got a call from a headhunter telling me he has gotten me an interview at Aldis grocery store. He says its a management position. I have always had entry level positions in highschool and I have no idea why I would get an interview based on my qualifications on paper, though I think I would make a kick ass manager. Am I getting scammed? He hasnt asked for any personal information and the least that would happen is I show up at Aldis and look like a fool. | Headhunter called saying I have an interview for management at Aldis. Is this sketch? And has anyone worked there before? |
t3_3xslle | relationships | My [26/M] estranged mother [58/F] died and I don't know what to do. | I have been estranged from my mother for a number of years, to vary degrees as she faded in and out of our lives. She had a long history of depression and other conditions and misuse of drugs normally used to treat those conditions. She overdosed and died last night/early this morning.
I feel that I'm still in a sense of surrealism and denial. Because of this, the hardest things I'm dealing with are logistics. I don't know how to tell her sisters, whom I haven't seen or spoken with in years, perhaps even a decade. I feel like they deserve all of the details, but I feel like I don't want to be the one fielding all kinds of questions and angry messages lashing out. I don't want to work out logistics of her cremation and whether or not she should have or would have wanted a funeral, memorial service, or anything. I feel lost in what should be the minutia. I feel like thinking about these things is blocking me from grieving/coping properly.
I'm sorry if this post doesn't fall into what this sub is meant for. I want advice, but I also feel like I just needed a place to vent. | My mom overdosed and died last night. How do I deal with the logistics of telling other estranged family and the postmortem process? |
t3_155gpy | self | My friend's father was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. I don't know what to say to him. Has anybody had experience with this? I would love some help | First of all, I have never done a self post, but I have heard you get no karma for them, hopefully that is true.
This was the first best friend I ever had. From ages 3-10 (I am now 24) he was my best friend, and our families have stayed very close ever since. Even though we have grown apart over the years, we have kept in touch and definitely share a strong bond.
I learned a week ago that his father has stage 4 pancreatic cancer. I have been wanting to call him every night since then, just because i know if I was in his situation a call from somebody like me would help. But I can't wrap my head around what he's going through. I think I need some perspective so I at least have some inkling of what to say.
any help/perspective would be greatly appreciated. Thanks. | My old best friend and close family friend's father has stage 4 cancer. I want to call and offer my support but don't know what to say. Any perspective would be nice. |
t3_2h055l | relationships | 24f in 5yr relationship fantaszing about another guy | hi all. so I have been with this amazing guy(24) for 5 years. we have a great relationship, we get along really well, rarely ever fight. end of 2013 we had a son together and moved in together. In the last couple of months I have been dreamig about this guy I knew back in highschool. It all started when, talking to my guy, he said that he'd be ok if I slept with someone else, hes pretty open minded and has a lot of trust in our relationship. he asked who id sleep with if I could sleep with anyone and i immediately thought on "johnny"(26). Now I cant get him off my mind, he shows up in my dreams, I daydream about him...
Background story about Johnny:
guy 2 yrs older than me, met him through family friends. Had a MASSIVE crush on him for all of highschool. I stalked him at school, thought about him constantly, he was aware of this and flirted with me, but it was just for fun for him. I confronted him and said I liked him on MSN (I know, im so cool) and he said it would be weirs because our families are friends. But he kept flirting. Our families drifted apart | in committed relationship, got permission to sleep w/other guy. since then I fantasize about past crush. see questions below: |
t3_2vfea9 | relationships | Me [20's M] with my acquaintance [20's F] 5 years, She is not taking internet safety seriously | Acquaintance [20'sF] has a site on a popular social media site and from what I can gather is semi-popular.
We met in high school but aren't in touch anymore, I randomly found her blog looking through a niche section of blogs from our hometown.
She regularly posts photos of herself in her underwear, talks about taking drugs, and gives away personal information that would be really easy to trace back to her real life. FFS she even gives out her full name and where she works... Basic stuff that most people know about not sharing.
One time she said her real life would be negatively impacted if her work/parents found out about the blog, so she's obviously somewhat aware of these consequences.
Should I say something to her about this or would you consider that overstepping boundaries/being nosy? | [20sF] would be really easy to dox. Should I mention anything to her or would you consider it to be none of my business? |
t3_3512pk | relationships | I [M/24] happen to work with my SO [F/26] and I hate her work ethic sometimes. | I have altered the ages and names just to keep it a little more private.
Basically I have been seeing Michelle for about 4 or 5 months now. We both work in a large grocery chain and she is the manager of a certain department and i am the manager of the store room.
Outside of work we have a very healthy relationship. We just spent 5 nights in a row together which is our longest yet and it was really amazing. When we argue we talk it out and put it all on the table. Our communication for the most part is really solid and outside of work I really adore her 24/7.
However I struggle working with her. We don't have to communicate to much at work, but when she fails to do her job in a timely manner is causes me to fall behind too. I have tried to communicate with her in the past about certain things at work she could improve on and she has done the same thing but we always end up arguing. We both cant take constructive criticism from each other in a healthy professional way and I don't know why. Today was an example of when she really frustrated me. She has been falling behind this week because she has had a lot of work dumped on her. So i thought I would help her and make sure her department was running smoothly. So i spent the first 4 hours of my day managing her staff. I did this to lighten her load so that she could focus on other tasks. After i finished helping her i noticed her not really doing any work. She came into the back of the store where i work and made a few personal phone calls and i just wanted to explode. She really does a lot right as a manager but there is just a few things that really make my job harder and it frustrates me.
So my question is, how can i mention to her my frustrations with her work ethic without turning into a argument? Is there a way i can support her more without literally doing her job for her? And if there is anyone who has made a relationship work with someone they work with what are some tips? | My girlfriend is a co worker. Sometimes she is lazy and it directly effects my work load. how can i mention to her my frustrations with her work ethic without turning into a argument? |
t3_3125k1 | relationships | Me [18 M] wondering about an ex's best friends [18 F] | Firstly sorry if this is a common question or anything, just couldn't find too much similar. So my girlfriend of about 4 months broke up with me around 3 months ago. Nothing too nasty but were currently not talking due to some stuff that happened between our mutual friends.
While we were still seeing each other I was told multiple times by other friends about her best friend who was into me, and how her and my ex were leaving it to see who I asked out.
Anyway after the break up the best friend started to talk to me way more than before. Normally it would be the odd question about random stuff, but she seems to want to talk a lot more. We've got loads to talk about and I think she's still into me and to be honest I wouldn't mind going on a date just to see how things go.
I'm worried this is going to annoy my ex which I don't want to do but then she's the one that broke up with me so does that mean it's not as bad to do? | Girlfriend broke up with me 3 months ago, her best friend was and I still think is into me and don't know whether to pursue or not. |
t3_qp4gw | self | Gf birthday surprise advice. | Here's the scoop: my girlfriend's birthday is on Wednesday, and there's a purse she really wants that she has been saving tips to buy for the past few weeks. She plans to buy it on monday, but I've bought it for her and would like to surprise her with her present.
Should I play the whole "oh I think you should wait until after your birthday" card, or give it to her a few days early and surprise the crap out of her? If I give it to her early, I would hide it somewhere very unexpected so she stumbles upon it unsuspectingly to achieve maximum surprise.
Thanks for your advice on my mundane problem! | Should I surprise my gf with a present by giving it to her early, or wait until her real birthday and have reduced surprise factor? |
t3_460pju | relationships | Me (19F) and boyfriend (21M). His cousin (26 M) is throwing away life yet does NOT realize & family doesn't know what to do | So this is my first post and I'm not sure if I'm doing it correctly so sorry if I'm not!!
So recently my boyfriend (21 M) has been telling me (19 M) about his cousin (26 M) and some issues he is having. Let's call his cousin Pablo. His cousin is on some hardcore drugs (heroine, Molly, etc) and throwing is life away.
(I'm writing this and not my boyfriend because he doesn't have a Reddit but asked me to do so for Reddit advice)
So Pablo is spending all of the family's money on his business. (Forgot what his business is but it's nothing sketchy). His family is already almost in poverty so that's so bad itself. He spends all the money when it could go to better use. He also is the sole provider of his 7 family members.
Not to mention that his rich friends influence him to buy nice things and spend carelessly. Pablo has a 40,000 dollar car & no one knows how.
The WORST part is that Pablo doesn't realize any of this!!!!! The family has tried to talk to him and he is LITERALLY LIVING IN SOME FANTASY WORLD. He says he's "making $10,000 a month, has so much money, doesn't have any issues, etc." he thinks everything is okay and that he is doing so well in life....
It's so crazy that he actually has convinced himself of this. He is a lovable guy. If you met him, you'd meet an awesome, chill, cool, persuasive person. It's so crazy!!
No one understands how he can can be so delusional.... Is it the drugs? How is he so blind to what's happening to him and his family? We don't know what to do anymore.... What can we do? He's in total denial about everything. | cousin is throwing is life away but he doesn't realize it. He is living in some dream world that isn't reality and has some serious issues with money and drugs |
t3_ub8fr | AskReddit | Need help with Raman spectrophotometer! What's a good standard? | Hello all, this is my first time posting on reddit, but ive been lurking around for a while. what finally made me decide to get an account and post is this technical issue im encountering in my science research class. heres the story:
So ive been enrolled in said class all year, and my project of choice is to build a low cost (poor man's, home made, etc..) Raman spectrophotometer. It's pretty much an independent study class, except for when I bug the teacher enough to help me out. He's not the spoonfeeding type.
In any case, I've got the whole set up ready from the carcass of a visible light spec with a red light laser (635nm) shooting through it backwards. i have notch filters and a holographic grating and all the optics is taken care of by the shell i'm using. The question I have is: what sample do I use to get a good reading as a standard? what kind of substance (organic, inorganic, so on so forth) should i look in to? it need to be a liquid, i dont have it set up for refraction with solid samples or anything. the sample goes into a quartz cuvette at one end.
Also, any programs you guys recommend for processing? im gonna take a picture of the spectra with a regular nikon SLR and plug it into a program of some sort.
I realize google should be able to solve this, but direct answers from people seem better. | What liquid sample would I use to get a good reading in a Raman spec. Also, what programs can i use to process a picture of my spectra? |
t3_2mmwk6 | relationships | Not sure if I [35M] am in love my wife [36F] anymore | Myself [35M] and my wife [36F] have been together for almost 9 years now and married for just about 7. We have no children (which was our mutual agreement), as we preferred to be double income no kids.
Over the past few years, I have been moving from being in love with my wife to just loving my wife. I would do anything for her and would absolutely die for her if I had to, but the spark just isn't there anymore.
I believe that she is still in love with me, but I just feel bad about not being able to reciprocate it. It's not that there's anyone else for me, I just haven't had interest in her romantically or sexually. I know that it is hurting her inside, but I honestly don't know what to do.
I'm worried about bills and everything if we end up splitting up. I also feel as though if I did break it off, we would both end up being hurt much worse than just staying together. But this may be me just trying to justify something?
I honestly don't know what to say. I'd love any advice at what may be going on, or some suggestions about what I may want to do. I'm not great at writing though (obviously). | I love my wife, but I'm not sure if I'm **in love** with my wife anymore. What advice do you have for me? |
t3_1ibrpl | offmychest | I'm entering my first relationship ever... and I'm pretty sure there will be absolutely no sex | I met this girl in my class last semester who is absolutely stunning. Out of a weird coincidence we started talking every day in class and we found that we had a lot in common. Past experiences however, have taught me that when a really attractive girl is single, there is something wrong. Despite my drawbacks, I asked her out to a concert and we had an amazing time together. Then we went out again to a restaurant on Friday night, and she revealed to me that shes only had sex with one guy once, and because it was such a bad experience, she is very likely to not want to have sex again. The guy really fucked up her head.
Honestly, this wasn't a big deal to me at first. I'm 23, a virgin, and this is the first time I've ever actually been in a relationship. I've dated, but they've never gone anywhere. This time I'm actually with someone who gives a shit if I'm alive or dead, is extremely supportive of what I do, is someone who enjoys my presence as much as I enjoy hers, and most importantly- someone I made a real connection with.
I just realized though, if I'm gonna be serious about her, I can't have sex with *anyone*. I've had several opportunities at house parties and stuff to hook up with girls (long before I met her), but I passed up on them. They were sloppy and to be honest, I didn't want my first sexual encounter to be with someone that I don't even wanna spend 5 min. alone with. Now its the exact opposite scenario. I don't have a choice but to pass up those opportunities. I'm not really sure what to do. Should I break up with her before this becomes an actual issue? Why would I put so much effort into this if I know that this might become an issue later on? That really wouldn't be fair to her or me. Should I wait it out and maybe she'll change her mind?
I dunno... thanks for reading though. Its kinda nice to have a written visual of my cluster of thoughts lately. | Met an amazing girl that I really hit it off with, but because of a bad past relationship, she refuses to have sex with anyone. |
t3_2cinbl | relationships | Me [23 M] I keep pushing women away. | I'd like to think I have things that women desire. I'm tall, in good shape, confident, decent looking, I'm balding but I wear hats most of the time anyway. I am genuinely interested in what women have to say, at least the women that I take out, I enjoy being a vent or debating or getting in deep conversations.
I can really hold my own on the first initial dates, but for some reason like a light switch they just lose all interest. I don't get clingy or mad at this, this is just dating, but this has been going on for a few years now, I kind of want something serious.
I feel like there is something that just makes me completely undesirable, and that I haven't noticed it. I don't chase or anything, I'm not desperate or clingy, I've been alone for a while and I'm used to it at this point.
Whatever relationship I've had has always been very one sided. I don't want to say crazy, but women that I had to basically take care of. Then eventually it ends up like the women that I date, they just lose interest completely. Of course this hurts, but I'm wondering what I'm doing wrong more than anything. | Dated lots of women, first few dates go well, but then interest is lost on their end. Tired of dating and want someone consistent. |
t3_19b1jl | relationships | [26m] Not sure if continuing with my girlfriend [26f], constantly wondering whether to break up. Please honest advise. | Hi Redditors,
Well the story is the following:
We've been dating for 3 years now, and it's been pretty good. We get along very well and we have many interests in common. We've had rough patches as well. In fact, we were in a very rough patch for about 1 year. We eventually broke up because of this, and got back together, and it's been great ever since.
The problem is that I continually wonder if I should break up or not. I find that she scolds a lot at me for lots of things I do as a part of my natural self, and that she doesn't really trust me at all. I have to over-explain things to her, and be very apologetic sometimes.
It's not that bad, I mean, I guess it's like every other long-lasting relationship, or marriage (we have high hopes for us), and we have (very) good times together. But I almost always wonder: "Should I be here? Should I put up with this?". She's an effort to keep, and I wonder if there isnt any girl out there that "fits" better with me, to whom I don't have to apologize or explain things I do all the time, or receive accusations due to untrustfullness from her side.
What do you think? Am I just fantazising about something that doesn't exist? Or should I go for it?
Redditors with relationship experience, a little help? | I'm not sure if continuing with my girlfriend. We have good times together but she scolds a lot at me and doesn't really trust me. |
t3_1vqyrw | relationship_advice | [19/M] My girlfriend [18/F] is feeling 'trapped'. | My girlfriend and I have been dating a little over four months but have been seeing each other on and off casually over the last 18 months. A week or so ago she brought to my attention she is beginning to feel trapped. When we started dating she pushed for me to stop abusing drugs and alcohol and has succeeded. Since those were my coping methods for my depression over the last five years she has now started seeing what my depression really looks like and I believe that's what's causing these feelings. It's not that she doesn't make me happy and I've tried explaining to her that she is the one of the best things I have in my life at the moment and even though I've appeared to be getting worse her help with kicking habits has helped me a lot. She brought it up again tonight and I can't help but feel she wouldn't have these feelings if she still wanted to be with me. When I asked her if she wanted out of the relationship she tells me she still wants to be with me but why would she feel trapped? I'm not trying to force her to be with me, in fact I want her to do what ever she feels would make her the most happy. If that's not having to deal with a man child and explore her options so be it. But I don't know what her true motives are and breaking up with her using the reason of it's for her own good comes off kinda...crazy? | GF is feeling trapped from what I think is my depression. Asked her if she still wanted to be with me and she said she does. Don't know how to proceed. |
t3_4ggeiq | relationships | I [15M] don't know how to stop thinking irrationally about an upcoming trip | Hi /r/relationships!
You've all come through before with great advice, and here I am asking for help again.
I will be going on a trip to a convention in May. I was the app developer for the convention, and therefore the organization took care of my expenses for me including my flight, hotel stay, and admission.
I was really looking forward to go since it would be great time away from family and my surroundings and I could relax with my friends that are also going for a few days. I had my booking taken care of a few months ago and I'm ready to go. The convention is coming up very soon.
The problem is, my family decided to make random plans to go at the last minute. They decided this about a week or two ago when my mom's best friend said that she was going too.
I really don't know what to think. My family can do whatever they want to do, and I shouldn't care what they do, but I'm just not sure if my reaction with mixed feelings is appropriate. As far as they are concerned, I don't have to change my plans to accommodate for them, and I'm going completely separately. I am flying out versus driving with them, and I get my own room. I don't have to do anything special just because they are also coming. I am told that this wouldn't be any different than if I went alone.
At the same time, I'm a bit disappointed. I wanted to have a few days to myself without having to be surrounded with my family. It can get slightly tiring to be around the same people every single day.
I am sure my feelings of slight disappointment is irrational. I don't have to make any concessions for them coming, and I haven't expressed negativity to them since I don't want to cause problems and I don't want to be a douchebag to my family. At the same time, I am a bit sad that my plan to be away from my family for a bit is not going to happen.
Reddit, what should I do? How do I stop being upset about something which would probably work itself out? | Planned to go solo on a trip, family is going to the same place at the same time, I don't have to change anything but I don't know if my disappointment is justified, what should I do? |
t3_104sm2 | AskReddit | There have been a few posts about parents saying terrible things to their children, but what terrible things have you said to your parents/heard someone else say? | The worst thing I ever said was when I was 12. For some context, my mother had neuro-surgery when I was around 8. At the time I didn't understand death or illness, and I didn't really get what happened to her or why she was in hospital. Apparently it was a 30% survival rate, but she made it (thank fuck!). Anyway I had a huge argument with her when I was 12 and said blatantly "I wish you had just died during neuro-surgery." I didn't mean it, I was just irate and wanted to hurt her.
My mum usually just gets angry and punishes me when I'm out of line, but she was eerily quiet at this. All she said was "I see." and left. I heard her crying in her room later that night. I've never regretted something more in my life.
Thankfully I apologised the next day and she grounded me for 2 months. In hindsight, if roles were reversed it would have been more like a year. | Told my mum I wish she had died in the surgery she had several years earlier, regret it to this day. |
t3_sxez4 | AskReddit | What does it mean when you get the feeling of knowing someone for a long time when you just met them? | So I just met this chick and it seems like I've known her forever. We have lots of the same hobbies and she's even a redditor. I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for over 2 years, and I know what it felt like to fall for her and then progress to where we are now. But I've never had this feeling before. She's a super fun person and kinda like a bro, where as my girlfriend is your more classic 'kittens and pinterest' kinda girl. I hung out with this girl a few times over the last week and I find myself wanting to continue chillin' with her, and I still enjoy spending time with my girlfriend. This other girl is pretty cute but I'm more attracted to her personality, but I'm happy and comfortable with my girlfriend who is also quite the looker. I'm 19, to but things into perspective, and I'm just wondering what does it mean when you feel like you've known someone for a long time after just meeting them? | Have a nice girlfriend, 2+ years, happy relationship, met new girl, seems like I've known her forever, what do? |
t3_13x3ko | AskReddit | Reddit, what was something little that somebody did for you that meant a lot? | When I was a kid, I would go down to my grandma's and grandpa's house for Easter with the rest of my family. Whenever they did an egg hunt some of the eggs would have money in them ( mostly just a dollar or two ) and every kid in the family wanted to find an Easter egg that was like that. After the egg hunt it was revealed to me that I didn't get an egg that had money in it, and it made me mopey. My aunt saw I was sad and asked me why, and I told her. She then told me to give one of my empty eggs to her, and I did. She then got $3 worth of quarters and gave the egg back to me. I was so happy that I had to show my "money egg" to everyone. Reddit, what was something little that somebody did for you that meant a lot? | Easter egg hunts when I was little had a few eggs with change in them, didn't get one, aunt gave me 3$ and put it in my egg. |
t3_189k4z | BreakUps | I[f24] cheated on my first boyfriend 2 years ago [m24] and still want him back. Need advice. | We started dating when we were both 19. We lived together for about a year and a half on campus residence and loved each other very much. He was my first boyfriend and I his first girlfriend.
I was also young and completely stupid. After about a year I felt trapped in the relationship. Even though I knew I loved him, I was wondering about how it would be like to date other people. Long story short, I ended up cheating on him with another guy (that I also ended up dating for two years). I never forgot about my first boyfriend. To be honest, I preferred him over my second. However, having learned the hard way about dealing with people in relationships, I knew I couldn't just dump my second boyfriend when I realized what a mistake I made. I worked hard at the second relationship, and due to circumstances out of our control [religion/race/parents], we mutually ended it.
Now, I want to get back with my original boyfriend. I have reached out to him, and told him that I still loved him despite some very stupid choices I have made. He responded that he has tried to forget about me for the past year (that leaves one year for which I guess he was hurting and hating me) and now he 'feels completely neutral' towards me and needs time to think.
To complicate matters further, he has recently moved to another country for his job.
I want nothing more in my life than to be with this guy. I have realized my mistakes and want to patch things up. I am willing to uproot my life and move to wherever he is. Is there anything I can/ should do further? I have already told him about my feelings and he said he needs time to think. | I was young/stupid and cheated on the love of my life. I want him back after 2 years of dating another guy. Am I a horrible person? |
t3_rj6u9 | dating_advice | What the hell is his problem? | Me 23/F, Him 22/M dating each other for 4 months.
We are not exclusive but have been dating/talking every single day for 4 months. We had great times, thought we had a good thing going here.
Lately in the last 6 weeks I have only seen him once a week, if not LESS. He works a lot, but after work he always finds time to go out with his friends, to go to the bar, to do this, to do that. I started to think he just wasn't interested anymore but we speak everyday by him initiating a lot of the time, and shows he was still kind of interested so I was confused.
2 days ago we were talking about how our days were via text. He told me how he spent his entire day off with his friend, they had some drinks, and it was a good day. I didn't say anything but was a little distant from then on. He asked me if something was wrong and I said: "Well, I guess im just a little off because lately you can't seem to take even just an hour and try to spend it with me, and then you text me twice today, I reply and you don't write back" (texting thing actually happened). So his response was: "My phone was dead all day". I don't buy that, and he completely avoided the fact that I mentioned he couldn't take an hour out of his day to spend with me. So After he said the thing about his phone I wrote: "Fine. I understand about the phone but why haven't you tried to hang out with me?"
NOTE: I have invited him maybe 2-3 times out with me, and he found a reason not to accept any of my invites.
He never wrote back. He hasn't talked to me in 2 days now at all, which is unlike him because we talk every day. Did he really just pull that pansy move and is now ignoring me because I simply tried to communicate with him how I think we should spend more time together than the 3-4 times a month I see him? What the hell is wrong with him? | Tried to tell guy i've been dating we don't see each other enough, and now he's completely ignoring/avoiding me. Whats his problem? |
t3_3g66gc | relationships | GF [20 F] has some pretty unattractive habits that I [20 M] would like to ask her to change without looking like a complete ass. | Before I explain, I have to say I really love my girlfriend and she is beautiful to me. Its just some of her habits are VERY unattractive to me.
For example, she'll paint her nails and literally wear it until it all comes off. She will have her nails patchy and flakey for like 2 weeks instead of scraping it off or redoing them.
Or she'll go weeks without doing anything to her hair. I'm not the guy to care if she always has it styled or not, I just would like it to be neat (like in a ponytail or something). But she will literally run a brush over it like twice and call it a day (which just doesn't work very well for black women with natural hair).
And the way she dresses when we go out in public can be embarrassing One of the worst things ever seen her do is wear a hoodie with spots and the wrist all chewed up from her dog, some dress pants with a hole in the thigh, and some converse shoes covered in mud spots all at the same time.
Now of course she doesn't do these things 100% of the time but it could be like 2 or 3 times a week, around our friends, peers, and colleagues. When you combine the nails thing, the hair thing, and the clothes thing it kind of makes me loose my attraction to her and can be embarrassing.
I want to ask her to present herself nicer but without making her feel bad about herself or making myself look like an asshole. How do I do this? | Girlfriend has some really unattractive traits and habits. How do I ask her to stop without looking like an ass? |
t3_3xpoxq | relationships | My friends [26/25/24/Fs] say I'm [26/F] am being too naive in my relationship with my BF [27/M] | Throwaway because I don't want my BF to find out and he never goes on this sub. Anyways....
My boyfriend and I have been dating for a couple of months but we get along great. We both haven't dated much but we know what we want in a relationship and so far, so good. The reasons my friends think I'm being naive is because I let him do his own thing. Really, if we go to a party and I'm not feeling well or I get tired early I leave the party without him. We usually switch back and forth about whose apartment we're going to stay at and if he plans on staying at mine I just tell him to call me when he's on his way over and I'll wake up and let him in. He'll usually only stay a couple more hours after me and goes straight to bed (with cuddles of course) when he gets to my place. No big deal to me. I usually sleep better when he's around anyways.
My friends noticed this trend and asked me why I was okay with letting him stay out and continue on drinking instead of taking me home/leaving with me. I told them that I completely trust him (I do, his last girlfriend cheated on him and I don't think he has the heart to do that to someone else) and why ruin his fun when I'm the one ready to go?
They're telling me that I'm trying too hard to be the "cool" girlfriend and that letting him stay out without me is giving him a sign that he can do whatever he wants. I asked them if they've seen him do anything while I've not been there (they've been to a couple parties where this has happened) and they said no but that it's probably because they were around to watch him. I'm not doubting my boyfriend but I'm starting to doubt myself. Again, I don't think he'd cheat but maybe this is sending him a signal that he can do whatever he want or maybe that I don't really care about him. But I also don't want to ruin his nights and fun if I'm the one that's ready to go. Am I being too naive? | Friends say I'm too naive because I let my BF stay out at parties after I've left because I'm tired/sick. Should I be worried that he's using this advantage against me? |
t3_1jrsj7 | relationships | Me[22M] with my Girlfriend [22/F] of 6 months, Need to Help Her Feel "Secure and Wanted/Special" | Hi /relationships/!
Ok, so where to begin. Me and my girlfriend are currently living together over the summer, and have had a pretty up and down relationship. We moved really quickly in my mind, and I had to tell her that I was not ready to marry her quite yet a few months back, and she had a really hard time taking it.
Now, she says that she is not feeling wanted or special and has not felt like that since when we were talking about getting married everyday, which I will admit was a huge mistake on my part to be ok with.
So, now she says that she does not feel secure or wanted or special in the relationship despite us going out on many dates to different cities and in our own town and having quite an active sex life (1-2 times at least per day) and being great company to each other.
I need help making her feel special and wanted and secure especially without getting engaged and married. Part of me thinks that she doesn't really want to marry me but just marry anyone for the security of it and the seeming finality of the thing.
So, how can I make her feel secure? She says that she does not like our current relationship because there is always a back door open to leave but does not understand that marriage doesn't shut that door, only close it a little bit. I do not know how to make her feel secure - this is a feeling I have never struggled with, and have difficulty empathizing with her on.
As far as feeling wanted/special I try to make her feel special everyday with complements and talks about our future together, and the occasional date or love note/letter but it does not seem to be enough anymore - hence I need help! | Girlfriend does not feel secure, special, or wanted anymore since I called off our hasty plans of getting married within the year. Help me help her to feel secure and special and wanted please! |
t3_4o7swh | relationships | (Update) Girlfriend (25) decided to end things with me (M, 21) after parents disapproved of my race. | Hey everyone, I want to thank the people who commented on my last post about my relationship being challenged by her parents due to me being white and non-religious instead of Punjabi or Sikh. She told her mother yesterday and she was very upset because she was dating me.
Its been a year and a half and it ended today through a phone call. I am still in shock I really believed we could work through this together but her mother is sick and she doesn't want her being upset with her if the worst should happen. I should have prepared but I am extremely heart broken, I loved her quite a lot. I understand that her choice was not an easy one and she has younger siblings that she loves incredibly that she wouldn't realistically be able to see for quite some time until they decide to move out or her parents become more accepting which could take years.
I'm not trying to carry any hard feelings, she is still messaging me asking for me to not hate her and be friends with her. I don't hate her I just feel that there was never really a place for me in her life after I really planned a future with her.
Any words of advice to how to move on and whether to limit contact would be appreciated | Girlfriend did not want to upset her parents, parents angry due to my race and non-religious beliefs, ended a 1 1/2 year relationship this morning over phone |
t3_1teqh4 | relationships | Me [19 M] broke up with my [20 F] girlfriend of ~2 months, Mostly my fault | I met my girlfriend around Halloween and we first hooked up about a week after. I lost my virginity soon after that, and thus began my first relationship.
We were together for about a month when she asked if I wanted to put the "boyfriend-girlfriend" label on it. Having zero experience and not wanting to upset her, I confidently replied in the affirmative. Fast forward three weeks, and I am flushed with work for finals week and unable to see her for most of the week. She had expressed feelings of wanting to "start from square one" earlier, and I felt that she was starting a slow descent.
This is where I began to realize that I had rushed into this relationship. I did not feel much attachment to her, and I felt that our relationship leading up to this point was fine. I was pulled in by easy sex, and I was disconnected from her feelings. I realized that I was, regrettably, mostly in in the relationship for sex. To spare both of us a drawn-out, painful breakup, I ended it.
I feel horrible. It feels like a fiery hand is squeezing my entire torso, and I know she feels much, much worse. I blame myself entirely. I cannot stop thinking that I used her for sex and that I am just another notch on her list of horrible people she's been seduced by. I have tried talking to friends and family, but they are no help. Did I do the right thing? Will I ever forgive myself? I'm afraid to settle down and live with my thoughts because, every time I do, I picture her fighting back tears. | I unknowingly used a girl for sex, and I hate myself for it. Not seeking forgiveness or vindication. I just want to talk to someone who knows about relationships. |
t3_1khv6l | relationships | My wife(21f) and I (25m) just can't stop fighting. | My wife (21f) and I (25m) have been married for over 2 1/2 years, and we keep going through this cycle of problems. About 2-3 times a year things get very bad and we nearly split up.
It first started about 2 months after we got married. It started because I was still having trouble adjusting to married life and was talking to other females online. I tried to keep it appropriate, but it didn't stay that way. This happened two or three times over the course of a year.
Since then, when things go bad we end up fighting over me looking at porn, whether its with or without her.
She isn't without her flaws though. Through some of my own research I've found her considering sleeping with another guy, and also her talking with her ex about how much they love each other. The latter happened once about two years ago and again just this past week. She kept talking him she was thinking about him all the time and they were constantly saying they love each other.
She seems to think this is justified because she hasn't felt very close to me lately and she feels he treats her better. Here's the kicker though, her ex is living with us, he has been the whole time. This past week I've been watching their body language and I can tell something has happened between them and she refuses to admit it. I would have left a long time ago but we have kids together and the situation is just so complex. | We keep fighting and having problems with infidelity. I don't know what to do with kids in the picture, can anyone help??? |
t3_qisv0 | relationship_advice | Boyfriend showers not even once a week | We have been together over a year and are living together. This issue has been brought up multiple times by myself - I am very direct, and even my friends and past roommates have approached me about his hygiene. He sometimes showers once a week if I am lucky, however most of the time he'll go an entire week without showering. He is against wearing deoderant, but after much discussion, I finally got him to agree to wear some - but he only will if I nag him, and I do not have time to do this everyday or to be his Mother.
I have put it in multiple ways: "I like your natural smell, but after a while, it becomes gross and makes me not want to have sex with you as often", "My friends have approached me about your hygiene. Please be better about this" and finally, "I put effort into my appearance and to look nice for you. It makes me feel bad when you do not practice basic hygiene." to which he rolled his eyes and laughed.
We have a perfect relationship other than this, so no, I am not going to do anything silly like break up with him. What other ways can I phrase this so that he listens? I do not want to have to be nagging him all the time to do things that he should, as an adult, be doing. He is a big time stoner as well, perhaps this makes him more careless/forgetful than others. **He is not depressed.** He sees this as me trying to change him. | Boyfriend rarely showers or puts on deoderant, even after me asking. What points would you make/say in this situation? |
t3_30mxwt | tifu | TIFU by wearing my normal clothes on a normal sunny day and semi flashing my school. | I'm in my 30s but back in college. Thursday I was at school and thinking "man, the sun sure is bright today" while walking around. Four different times I had guys looking at me with odd little smiles but no eye contact, leading me to think "maybe the nice weather is making people happy."
Later when I got home I was talking to my neighbor when she said "Did you know that when you're in the sun, your shirt is totally see through. You're wearing a purple paisley bra and your boobs look great."
WTF shirt. It's a black shirt. It shouldn't be see through!!! It was sunny all day and I was walking all over the place. At least I wore a nice bra and my neighbor enjoyed. :( | I'm old enough to know I should be more careful with my clothes, hope they enjoyed the show when a stupid black shirt turned see through in the sun. Boobs |
t3_biant | AskReddit | Reddit- I need some help at the gym! | I have been working out religiously for the past 2 months or so. Although I started at least 4 months ago, I didn't really get serious until 2 months after I started. I have been going up in weight slowly but surely. However my bench never seems to go up, sitting at a solid 30 on both sides for 5 reps.
I have been going every other day, alternating between upper body and lower body on those days. On upper body day I do 3 sets 5 reps of bench, few 5 rep sets of flys, few 10 rep sets of skull crushers, few 5 set reps of isolation biceps, some shoulders, and all that good stuff. I know my technique is correct, yet I seem to not be gaining much muscle mass. I take protein after every work out. What gives?
I tried some NO Shotgun today, (similar to NO explode) and it did nothing for me except give me a bit of a head ache and made my hands tense up. I took one scoop on an empty stomach.
Are there any supplements I should be trying? | I am going to the gym religiously with good technique and I am not gaining muscle mass like I should be. Help? |
t3_3v8drq | relationships | Me [29 M] with my Wife [29 F] of 10yrs, Can't Get Over Her | In short we've only been married for 4yrs but have been together for 10. We probably shouldn't have gotten married in the first place. We had our first child young. She cheated on me when he was 2yrs old. We reconciled and 2yrs later we had our 2nd. After, that we hit another bumpy patch and decided to split. The split lasted for 1yr and then we got back together and got married about 2 years after that.
As I stated above I know we should not have got back into the relationship in the first place but I really wanted us as a family to work. I now realize that it can only work if both people are working at it.
Fast forward to now. We are separated. I no longer feel like I need her in my life to survive which was an extremely unhealthy feeling to have and one I know prolonged our relationship. She was always willing to stay because I provided 90% of the finances and I would allow her to keep coming back. I fed the beast per se. I feel bad for her because I know now she will never be happy with who she is with and will always entertain infidelity no matter who she is with.
My issue is this....I have this beautiful woman inside and out that is really interested in me. However, everything that she does I feel like I find something to remind myself about my ex. For instance when this woman sends me pics of herself my mind drifts to think about my ex and all the pics that she would send to men when we were together that were never sent to me. That is just one example, but what the fuck is wrong with me? My ex treated me so badly and I know it. My mind just cannot turn it off. It's beginning to make me literally crazy and I am wondering if I have something mentally wrong with how my brain is wired. I should not be thinking about my ex when this other woman who is truly interested in me and shows me a lot of affection. I believe it will begin to hurt my current relationship with her. It is not fair to her and I want to give this woman 100%. | Cannot get over a wife that cheated even now with a great woman that is ready to be in a relationship with me. How do I get over my ex? |
t3_38yf9v | tifu | TIFU by going off the diving board (nsfw) | This isn't anything SUPER embarrassing but it was a pretty awful moment. Today the Iowa heat was hot and humid, it was the perfect pool day and I wanted to wear my victoria secret swim suit (which I later discovered was more of a tanning suit) for the first time. I hadn't planned on getting in the water but my brothers and their friends decided to play diving board tag and I wanted to kick their asses while releasing my inner child and nostalgia. I egotistically volunteered to go first and jump in with a deep dive. Immediately the force of the water brings my swim bottoms down to my knees, I'm frantically trying to pull them up while some dude in the water is trying to tag me. I make it to the edge relieved it was over hoping not to many people saw, but then I realize my top was pushed down as well. In other words don't wear suits that aren't meant for swimming to the pool, and don't go off diving boards. I won't be showing my face at the pool for a VERY long time. | I jumped off a diving board in a suit that wasn't meant for swimming, things popped out in front of my brothers friend. |
t3_1g175n | loseit | Wanted: LoseIt! App Buddies and Accountability Partners? | Me: 25F 5'2"
CW:165lbs (approx)) GW:135lbs
Goals: To lose some weight, probably about 30-35 pounds. I don't have a scale right now and I'm moving countries in a month. I've already noticed a little change in my body, and I have measurement markers I'm shooting for and will take measurements weekly to mark progress.
I'm a week into my new plan to be in better shape and going strong. I can tell though that I'm going to need a little push now and then in the future, so I'm looking for others who're on the same sort of path and want a accountability pal, or a weekly check-in partner.
I'm counting calories with my LoseIt! app, which I really like. I cook most of my own food, and the only real change in diet is a mild cut in calories from oil used for cooking, juice and bread consumption. If you're having trouble making meals that stay within your calorie range, I could help you out on that front. My daily calorie limit is 1300.
What I really need is someone who'll give me a virtual high five when I am lamely pround that I just did 15 minutes on my exercise bike. Haha. Because exercise is the biggest change to my lifestyle, that's the part I need the most motivation for.
Any dudes or ladies who'd like to have a check-in friend are welcome! | I'm starting to change my lifestyle. If you are too, let's cheer each other on a little and exchange healthy meal ideas! |
t3_gzxf9 | self | Regarding religion and the afterlife | I was raised Catholic, but as I grew older I realized that the Bible was not meant to be taken literally. I became aware of the major contradictions in embedded within Catholicism. However, I'm still a practicing Catholic (my bad, r/atheism) today. I'm probably considered a pretty terrible one according to fundamentalists, since I've come to my own conclusions about how to interpret the spirit of my religion.
An aspect of faith that I do maintain is the idea of an afterlife. I know there is no proof, and that I could be completely wrong, but I choose to maintain this belief. I am aware of atrocities perpetrated in the name of religion, but I think a belief in an afterlife (one that rewards justice and goodness) was and is essential to the development of human society. If people were raised knowing that nihilism was true, what would prevent people in society from acting primarily in their own self interest? What would entice people to act against hedonism in order to create a better society at all? Or is the idea that we will pass our world onto others really enough? | Do we need the reward of an afterlife to encourage progress in society or is the idea of passing the world to others enough? |
t3_4ovz4h | relationships | In a distance relationship for 2 years. My [24M] girlfriend [26F] waits 2-3 days to reply to my messages, is it intentional? | We met in Japan two years ago, I was a student over there and we hit it off at a bar. Decided I'd go back to my country and get a college degree, I asked her if she'd come with and she said yes, but we agreed it would take some time. This was 8 months into our relationship, and when I got back home we said we'd do daily messaging and regular phone calls, which we did. She then came to visit last summer and all was good.
I got into college. After that, gradually our phone calls went from bi-weekly to monthly, and our messaging got closer to once daily. She told me it's due to her work, and I could believe that as I know she does alot of overtime (pretty normal in Japan). I should mention that we rarely fight, but if something upsets her she goes pretty quiet and won't tell me what it is until I notice and ask her straight up. Obviously it's harder for me to tell if she's upset when I can't see her. After about half a year in college, for different reasons I decided I'll go back over there when I get my degree. Consulted her, and she told me she's fine either way. At this point the phone calls are bi-monthly and on occasion she'll go two days without replying to my texts.
In Feb/March, she got a second job that she does on her off days, to save money and work off some credit debt. Since then the two day wait has become a more regular occurrence, and today it's been three days. We spoke on the phone a couple of days ago and she still says it's because she's been so busy with work. I'm going to Japan in less than a month so I'll have a chance to judge the situation better, but it's bugging me alot. Maybe I'm overthinking it and it is really just her work, but at the same time I know she cheated in a previous relationship. In any case I want her to talk more to me, but I'm not getting anywhere as it stands. | Girlfriend in Japan replying ever slower to my texts, says it's due to work. She's cheated in previous relationship, I'm worried. How do I get her to talk to me? |
t3_1cr4fi | offmychest | Fuck my friends | I moved to a big city two years ago for a job. I wanted some more city friends so I joined a kickball league and everything was going great. The people (they all go to the same school and were already friends) were fun and easy to talk to and after the game we would hit up a bar and party. I hung out with a couple of them and I even hooked up with one of the girls on the team and we were going on dates.
Then one late night at the bar after the games I see a kickball girl in booty shorts and drunkenly ask a fellow kickball friend to do a stupid pose behind her and try to snap a pic because I thought it would really funny. Her boyfriend didn't so he shoved my friend and tried to fight us. Our respective teams intervened and I left the bar. Then I made my apologies to my team for a bad call and went home while they all went back to the bar. I thought that was the end of it.
Well today I get an email from the girl I was dating and she has said that she is canceling our date today and no longer sees a future for us because of that nights events and that the team has decided to ask me to no longer play with them since they think the guy will try to fight me again. They don't want that drama.
Well fuck me. I wasn't even trying to fight the guy. I deleted the blurry picture in front of him but he still wanted to fight me so now I lose the girl and my new friends over a fucking blurry ass picture? I made a mistake and apologized. Sometimes I feel like either I don't think my mistakes are that big when they are or that other people overreact. Either way I lose. | Took a picture with a girls ass at a bar which resulted in an argument with her bf and my new friends have asked me to no longer play with them over it. |
t3_1chqan | jobs | Just did a google search of my own name and possibly found a reason why I'm not getting calls for interviews... | I've been looking for a job the past few years and never have been called for an interview. Even though I tailor my resume to each workplace I apply to even if it is a entry-level job (McDonalds at the least.) I have also four years of general volunteering services (From kitchen assistant to grounds maintenance) and I always check up on my application after turning it in consistently. But to no avail I never have gotten a job, except for an internship for a camp that already knows who I am as a person.
Now I want to move on from my internship and find a job elsewhere, it's been a month of job hunting and thirty applications later called in each business and about 3/4th of the places I applied to just hired the position.
So I worried about the smaller things like my ethnicity and age. Those things were way off and just after making an earlier post on here decided to see what would come up if I googled myself. When I did I found multiple profiles in sites such as Formspring, FB, Bebo and Myspace that I had made in middle school and my first two years of high school that are pretty embarrassing. Most of them consisted of things I wouldn't even associate myself with now and didn't remember having until now. I realized that a simple google search probably prevented myself from getting a job for the past three years.
I already have emailed most of those websites to see if I can deactivate all of my old accounts as I had lost all of my passwords to those profiles. Anything else I have not done? | Google yourself before looking for work to see if there is anything online that might prevent yourself from getting a job/career |
t3_35krmp | relationships | Me [18F] with a guy I just met [20M] he isn't a chatterbox and we haven't talked in over two days. How do I start a convo without looking clingy and weird? | We met online and started talking about two and a half weeks ago. We texted and snapped daily, then we decided to meet and go to church and lunch together last Sunday, with his brother as a chaperone of course. We talked awhile more and made plans for early this week but since about Friday, the conversation has pretty much stopped for a day or two.
I'm one of those people that's usually getting snaps all the time, and in a bunch of group conversations and such; AKA I know what my friends and family are doing 90% of the time. I think it's just become a habit to keep in contact with the people close to me pretty much all the time.
I'm sure it's probably normal to not talk for a day or two this early on, but it's just weird to me because in my world, if someone doesn't talk for a day, or doesn't reply to your last text, it's sending the signal that they don't like you and if you try to contact them more you're just being annoying. It's probably the wrong way to go about that, but that's just how we approached things in high school and university.
I sent him a text this Sunday (Mothers Day) morning and he never replied. I just left it because I don't want to seem clingy or anything. When do I text him next; in a few days, a week? He's a generally quieter guy and honestly, I've never had a guy not text for two days, so I don't know how to approach this. The only reason as to why he wouldn't talk to me, in my mind at least, is that he doesn't like me. | guy hasn't talked to me in over a day, do I leave it and let him reply, or do I text tomorrow or something? |
t3_26ff7t | relationship_advice | [29/m] Been talking to a girl [28/f] for about a month and she has flaked twice. Am I wasting my time? | As the title states we have been talking about a month, mostly texting because we both work strange shift hours with non-normal days off. I am attracted to her and we have a lot in common, there is a mutual attraction between us, she admits. We sometimes talk on the phone for hours getting to know each other. We see each other in a professional setting where it is not practical for me to approach her on any other level than a friendly aquaintance, but we are not co-workers. The girl in question is not in a relationship, but admitted she is still in love with an ex who cheated on her last year. She is also pretty much a loner and is always telling me she is doing absolutely nothing, when I ask her what she's up to.
We had originally intended to meet up several weeks ago, but I had forgot a prior commitment and rescheduled for the next day. She bailed out on that day after a no-show and said she had a doctors appointment.
Fast forward two weeks. I get off work early and hit her up asking if she wants to go out. She says she is down, where are we going. During the middle of the phone conversation she abruptly says hang on I'll call ya back. An hour later I text back saying, hey forget it I got bored waiting for you to call me back.
We have had plans for a week to meet up tomorrow, but I have a feeling it's going to be much of the same.
Question to redditors: Where do you draw the line on when to call it? | Girl has flaked twice and has a loner mentality. Have plans tomorrow. Where do I draw the line and move on? |
t3_3aikbu | relationship_advice | [24/f] my BF [27/m] came back from 5 weeks overseas and is now ignoring me completely | before he left we were dating 6 months, very much in the honeymoon stage. interracial relationship.
bf was overseas for 5 weeks because his mother was dying. his family were with him, they object to interracial dating. he is close to his family. his mum's death was a long suffering. she has passed it is a relief to the family.
we skyped almost every night he was away. he would say he couldn't wait to see me and hug me and do the sexy times. all was normal.
he came back. it has been a week now. he has ignored me. i texted him to hang out, on day after he flew in, he said he wanted a day at home alone to smoke weed.
he has not contacted me at all since then. i facebooked him asking his plans. he said he would just stay home all week....
he updated facebook, he has been out to a rock show at a local bar and taken heaps of photos with people all night. he replies to their comments and seems happy.
im hurt. i cant think of anything i've done wrong.
my guess is, his family decided i am not a good partner for him because we are different races. i guess he is trying to think of a nice way to break up with me.
or maybe he just needs space. i am having trouble figuring out why since he is also hanging out with friends.
or maybe he cheated overseas and is now feeling ashamed.
additionally i am hurt because i have a history of abusive males in my life, i do not trust men at all and rarely date. i feel extremely foolish for letting someone have emotional influence in my life. i often told myself when we first started dating "dont let him get close, you will regret it"...damn. | bf and gf are in love, bf's mom dies after long disease overseas, bf comes home, ignores gf, bf goes out having fun. |
t3_1q736j | relationships | My SO (32/M) and I (30/F) have been drifting, not sure if I am willing to stay anymore. | My SO and I have been together most of our lives (met when we were 10, only partner I have ever had) and we never seem to be much more than okay. I'm not even close to happy, and I don't think he is either. We have been in a rut for over a decade, and I'm not sure why we stay together.
Communication isn't our problem, I think it's more selfishness and stress. We barely have sex, and we never want to spend time together.When we are in the same room, we are screaming. I guess I just want to know if there is anything left to save, or if I should call it. Are there any last resort techniques out there that have helped anyone? | We aren't happy anymore. Unsure if we should call it quits. Looking for a miracle cure to our relationship. Will try anything. |
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