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why do your outgoing messages fart?
Why is your outgoing message a fart?
0.91262
0.027027
0.035794
0.961848
0.926054
0.926054
6
7
559,623
it's Barbara.
Barbara's gay.
0.695955
0.066667
0.000048
0.989173
0.989125
0.989125
2
2
559,624
Harry, there are fetuses in meat.
Harry, there's shit in our meat.
0.742421
0.029412
0.00043
0.998743
0.998313
0.998313
6
6
559,630
the boy is good, and if he hit you, he would surely have had a reason.
This child is docile to the point of being a fool... If he hit you, he definitely would have had a reason.
0.692547
0.336449
0.000415
0.999546
0.99913
0.99913
16
22
559,631
I don't want you to do anything.
I'll kick his ass. I don't want you doing anything.
0.617132
0.365385
0.00176
0.999329
0.997569
0.997569
7
10
559,632
you think she's no longer an annoying diva, you want to run into that office, hug her, and never let her go.
You think she's no longer a big bitchy diva, and you just want to run into that office and throw your arms around her and never let her go.
0.814757
0.221429
0.087975
0.961897
0.873922
0.873922
22
29
559,638
look, we're gonna stick to the cops.
Look, let's hang by the cops.
0.744123
0.189189
0.003619
0.992883
0.989264
0.989264
7
6
559,640
"and unlike you, the magic has Jackson's guts.
"And unlike you maggots, Jackson's got guts.
0.787952
0.042553
0.002865
0.939726
0.936861
0.936861
8
7
559,641
it was not, near a small, miserable town, lived by a farmer who fell in love with the White Sorcerer.
Once upon a time, near a shitty little town, there was a farmer who fell in love with a white witch.
0.821898
0.009804
0.075694
0.986037
0.910343
0.910343
20
21
559,642
hell, that means Strabinsky is in Alabama.
Damn it, that means Strabinsky's in Alabama.
0.914159
0.044444
0.002076
0.998958
0.996882
0.996882
7
7
559,643
you killed Quagmire?
You kill Quacky?
0.700127
0.190476
0.006049
0.901937
0.895888
0.895888
3
3
559,644
"what the hell happened to you?"
“What the hell happened to you?”
0.63161
0
0.330679
0.953425
0.622746
0.622746
6
6
559,646
shut up, I'm trying to think!
Shut up! I'm trying to think!
0.93253
0
0.077591
0.996658
0.919067
0.919067
6
6
559,648
look, it's not James he smokes Carli.
Here, look, it's that James bloke Carli's sucking off.
0.645809
0.309091
0.001566
0.998576
0.99701
0.99701
7
9
559,649
I mean, you're very forgettable.
You are very forgettable.
0.797583
0.212121
0.061392
0.570485
0.509093
0.509093
5
4
559,650
if you notice, you feed them and you can have a serious problem.
If you noticed them, you gave them substance, and you could be in deep shit.
0.691434
0.155844
0.000107
0.997375
0.997268
0.997268
13
15
559,652
I would have seen her in the grave!
I would the fool were married to her grave!
0.604441
0.181818
0.00861
0.999192
0.990581
0.990581
8
9
559,654
you have to get out of here.
Oh, shit. You gotta get out of here.
0.727868
0.216216
0.005174
0.998483
0.99331
0.99331
7
8
559,655
which you certainly don't.
Which you guys clearly don't fucking have.
0.639093
0.372093
0.000091
0.990634
0.990543
0.990543
4
7
559,661
he should have listened to his initial instinct, and then, as soon as he dared pass through his own time portal, he smashed her into pieces by his psychoenergy.
He should have followed his first instinct and blasted her to flinders with bis psychoenergies in those early days when she first had the temerity to step through her own time-gate.
0.701733
0.115385
0.022085
0.847692
0.825607
0.825607
29
31
559,662
lion heart...
Lion Heart is mangy.
0.778972
0.333333
0.000123
0.880067
0.879944
0.879944
2
4
559,664
I was mayor of Cincinnati, and then I saw the mayor of Quimby, he's... very corrupt.
Having been the mayor of cincinnati, And then I see mayor quimby, he's... Very corrupt.
0.935381
0.034091
0.353933
0.904698
0.550765
0.550765
16
15
559,668
that was crazy of me.
How foolish of me.
0.673302
0.136364
0.002021
0.989594
0.987574
0.987574
5
4
559,671
they were more likely to die before they let anyone touch their Steadholder, and they didn't die.
They should have died before they allowed anyone to lay hands on the Steadholder, and they hadn't.
0.720065
0.010101
0.006283
0.967796
0.961513
0.961513
17
17
559,674
Weemack will go to Pascagoula and get himself... a big, noisy stereo so he can listen to the noise!
Weemack down to Pascagoula and gettin' hisself A big ol' thumpety stereo so he can listen to that trash!
0.700951
0.047619
0.000228
0.998966
0.998738
0.998738
19
19
559,675
he's got my swords.
Damn, she's got my sword.
0.752374
0.230769
0.000274
0.998126
0.997851
0.997851
4
5
559,676
Bailey, cut it out.
Bailey, kill it.
0.611543
0.15
0.005396
0.999434
0.994038
0.994038
4
3
559,677
he's undecided as his father at his age.
He's as imprudent as his father was at his age.
0.88935
0.145833
0.000287
0.971985
0.971698
0.971698
8
10
559,678
I'm sick of crying from morning to night.
I'm fucking tired of crying all day.
0.680002
0.119048
0.001794
0.937901
0.936106
0.936106
8
7
559,683
and three, the next time I see Edward, I'm gonna drive him like...
And third, the next time I saw Edward, I was gonna hump the shit out of him and...
0.653844
0.192771
0.00073
0.993965
0.993235
0.993235
13
18
559,687
I'm tired of watching your half.
I am tired of seeing your but crack.
0.617497
0.108108
0.000954
0.920625
0.919671
0.919671
6
8
559,688
we once had the head of a group at six airports in one day and we knew these data were on the batter, but then we nearly got it.
Once we had the head of one group turn up at six airports in one day, and we knew the data was for crap, but every so often we get a live one.
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0.097902
0.000041
0.86174
0.861699
0.861699
29
33
559,689
are you talking about the war again?
Is this some war shit again ?
0.786232
0.189189
0.000048
0.984026
0.983978
0.983978
7
7
559,693
and so we fired them.
So we killed them all with fire.
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0.333333
0.001235
0.997889
0.996654
0.996654
5
7
559,694
you wouldn't believe it.
I mean, shit you wouldn't believe.
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0.285714
0.000059
0.999094
0.999035
0.999035
4
6
559,696
to glue it to him twice.
To slap him and slap him twice.
0.623906
0.21875
0.000384
0.967606
0.967222
0.967222
6
7
559,698
sit tight, Jonesy put it on his heart, and Beaver was sitting, but why didn't Jonesy come back for so long?
Sit tight, Jonesy had said, and Beaver would, but why the fuck didn't Jonesy come back?
0.862732
0.185185
0.000059
0.996043
0.995985
0.995985
21
16
559,699
who knows where my schizophrenic mind goes to this.
Who knows where my schizophrenic brain
0.875491
0.25
0.195472
0.880463
0.684991
0.684991
9
6
559,700
a Japanese-style fetish and a free beer.
Japanese fetish girls and free beer.
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0.097561
0.007975
0.984505
0.97653
0.97653
7
6
559,701
I'm sorry to make you rush to death, Nathan.
I'm sorry to have to rush you. Toward your own death, Nathan.
0.887364
0.274194
0.021275
0.984142
0.962867
0.962867
9
12
559,702
should I have waited before he killed her?
Should I have waited until he killed her?
0.928895
0.023256
0.069261
0.975307
0.906047
0.906047
8
8
559,704
the baby is chasing us.
That ugly baby is stalking us.
0.637445
0.225806
0.000221
0.99866
0.998439
0.998439
5
6
559,706
she lunged at Jamie's chest.
She cast herself against Jamie's breast.
0.620145
0.292683
0.004328
0.945205
0.940877
0.940877
5
6
559,707
you slept with your father-in-law?
You had sex with your mother-in-law?
0.836569
0.054054
0.002705
0.993937
0.991232
0.991232
5
6
559,708
what's she doing here?
What the hell is she doing here?
0.928171
0.30303
0.00004
0.979116
0.979075
0.979075
4
7
559,710
where do you think you are?
Where the hell do you think you are?
0.945503
0.243243
0.000045
0.985855
0.985811
0.985811
6
8
559,714
you're an albino, what do you know?
You're an albino. What the hell do you know?
0.91209
0.2
0.043653
0.999234
0.955581
0.955581
7
9
559,715
I've seen the same movies as you.
I see the same fuckin' movies you do, man.
0.746251
0.209302
0.000091
0.994393
0.994302
0.994302
7
9
559,716
I want... The skin from the old oar in your stables.
I´d like... the skin of that old donkey in your stables.
0.80333
0.070175
0.001538
0.991066
0.989528
0.989528
11
11
559,720
sometimes I think Vikki started talking about the wedding the other night just to get me and I slept with her.
Sometimes I think Vikki only started talking marriage to me that night in order to get me to have sex with her.
0.855016
0.008929
0.001041
0.991404
0.990364
0.990364
21
22
559,724
uncle Macon, how old and frail you look.
Uncle Macon. How old and weak you look.
0.9061
0.02439
0.006862
0.834838
0.827975
0.827975
8
8
559,725
the other was a tiny chubby woman, one of which you will accept a piece of strudel.
The other was a small, dumpy woman, the sort you'd cheerfully accept an apple pie from.
0.685888
0.045455
0.104881
0.943515
0.838634
0.838634
17
16
559,727
the criminals control our streets and what do you do about it?
Criminals are taking over the neighborhood and what the hell are you doing about it?
0.711098
0.258824
0.00036
0.958249
0.957889
0.957889
12
15
559,730
don't talk to me.
Don't talk to me, criminal!
0.70131
0.357143
0.014228
0.998429
0.984201
0.984201
4
5
559,731
and an impossibly small dress... and this, I'm wearing, impossibly huge underwear.
And this is a very silly little dress. And... these are... fuck me, absolutely enormous panties. Jesus.
0.686354
0.201923
0.000912
0.999349
0.998438
0.998438
12
17
559,734
you're lying to me.
You're fucking lying.
0.833297
0.090909
0.000844
0.998756
0.997912
0.997912
4
3
559,737
pray for your father.
Pray to your dumb father.
0.869691
0.153846
0.00074
0.999694
0.998954
0.998954
4
5
559,738
God has already told me "Naser."
God already told me, "Fuck you."
0.868949
0
0.00005
0.999632
0.999582
0.999582
6
6
559,739
the cops busted them.
Cops clipped their ass.
0.668886
0.083333
0.001682
0.999182
0.997499
0.997499
4
4
559,741
he has no idea what I'm doing.
Doesn't have a damn idea what I do.
0.664614
0.138889
0.000116
0.923738
0.923622
0.923622
7
8
559,742
swine of Jewish, Slytherin to Germany!
Jew bastard. Go back to Germany, Jew scum.
0.737116
0.093023
0.020413
0.999689
0.979276
0.979276
6
8
559,743
"just stay there, keep your mouth shut and listen, will you?"
'Just stand still and shut up and listen, will you?'
0.835151
0.145161
0.372228
0.917826
0.545598
0.545598
11
10
559,749
at the door, a salesman stood against him, thumping in a blue suit with a dejected face filled with indignation.
At the door a clerk cut him off, a fat man in a blue suit, pudding face flushed with indignation.
0.752307
0.132743
0.000627
0.953562
0.952935
0.952935
20
20
559,750
the police are chasing him mercilessly.
They hunting down cops like dogs.
0.648145
0.15
0.003055
0.947923
0.944868
0.944868
6
6
559,751
you're not a night creature, Balte.
You're not a fucking creature of the night, Balt.
0.945261
0.28
0.001193
0.998931
0.997738
0.997738
6
9
559,752
what is it?
What's this crap?
0.669017
0.333333
0.00004
0.999353
0.999312
0.999312
3
3
559,753
I want to hug you more when you're mascot.
You're a lot more huggable when you're the goat.
0.622918
0.122449
0.002054
0.968733
0.966679
0.966679
9
9
559,755
now, don't you get a smart one, that woman thinks I'm gonna blow up the next six months just to get rid of her?
No, don't be a smartass now, will you? Woman thinks I'll throw away six months' worth of dues... ...just to get rid of her, she's out of her mind.
0.698948
0.238095
0.031737
0.987083
0.955346
0.955346
24
29
559,756
can we burn it?
May we burn her?
0.924599
0.058824
0.002953
0.997544
0.994592
0.994592
4
4
559,757
give him, Negus.
Go, Negus.
0.640474
0.352941
0.008236
0.916257
0.908021
0.908021
3
2
559,759
the deer is lying!
That deer's a liar.
0.871647
0.05
0.00031
0.994668
0.994358
0.994358
4
4
559,760
you're lucky I don't kidnap my own kids.
You're lucky I'm not kidnapping my own goddamn kids.
0.923618
0.226415
0.001475
0.998167
0.996692
0.996692
8
9
559,761
I can't talk to them, I don't know what they like to eat, I keep their tablecloths, and I'm sticking their fingers in the fire.
I don't know how to talk to them, how to feed them... I cover their party cloths, and set their fingers on fire.
0.704272
0.117188
0.034655
0.654327
0.619672
0.619672
25
23
559,762
WH-What kind of monster is this?
W-What the hell is this monster?
0.790957
0
0.022733
0.991417
0.968684
0.968684
6
6
559,763
is it really hard?
Is that so fucking hard?
0.859798
0.24
0.00004
0.860098
0.860058
0.860058
4
5
559,766
he's taken over by a spoiled son of a senator.
Suckered by a spoiled brat, son of a senator
0.780765
0.042553
0.05021
0.993936
0.943727
0.943727
10
9
559,768
"forgive me for unforgivable, Count Eolair," Elias said at the end, and the mouth of his mouth widened.
Count Eolair," Elias said at last, a strange, stupid grin stretching the comers of his mouth wide.
0.669569
0.048077
0.001128
0.999134
0.998006
0.998006
18
17
559,771
you're damn right I do.
Fucking right I am.
0.766434
0.166667
0.363621
0.987706
0.624085
0.624085
5
4
559,773
Tom's a lucky guy.
Tom is one lucky bastard.
0.811703
0.269231
0.000055
0.996159
0.996104
0.996104
4
5
559,774
read this.
Read this, toots!
0.734517
0.388889
0.000058
0.879547
0.879489
0.879489
2
3
559,775
are you any kind of a dangerous criminal?
Aren't you some kind of dangerous criminal or something?
0.865476
0.263158
0.008327
0.976491
0.968164
0.968164
8
9
559,776
we have the best lawyer in town.
We've got the best damn trial lawyer in the city.
0.847449
0.34
0.00005
0.990836
0.990787
0.990787
7
10
559,777
step out of line!
Step right the fuck up!
0.600764
0.25
0.000266
0.976935
0.976669
0.976669
4
5
559,781
can you assure me we're not having a threesome with Spitter tonight?
Again: can you just assure me we'renot having sex with spitter tonight?
0.715319
0.041667
0.004314
0.98388
0.979566
0.979566
12
12
559,783
it's just another poor guy who cheated on his wife.
He's another poor schmuck who cheated on his wife.
0.921963
0.019231
0.000951
0.999553
0.998602
0.998602
10
9
559,784
she was implicated in liposuction and was running a swath game across Brooklyn.
She was involved in loan-sharking and ran crap games all over Brooklyn.
0.784655
0.1
0.000138
0.969995
0.969857
0.969857
13
12
559,785
"pull!" Said the punker, when he finally realized that his peers were laughing at him.
"Go to hell!" the kid yelled, now aware of his peers laughing at him.
0.702583
0.195402
0.005569
0.996512
0.990943
0.990943
15
14
559,786
people lose faith, they turn into demons like yours.
Makes people lose their faith… turns them into demons like you.
0.745455
0.171875
0.061785
0.969678
0.907894
0.907894
9
11
559,788
the proclamation is no more salvation than a woman's pure heart could bring a vampire to forget the threat of the first obscenity.
Wherefore there is no salvation therefrom except that a woman pure in heart were to make the vampire forget the cock's first crowing.
0.70707
0.022388
0.004472
0.980516
0.976044
0.976044
23
23
559,789
Jack, get in.
Come on, Jack. - Shit.
0.768732
0.391304
0.000102
0.999436
0.999334
0.999334
3
5
559,791
if she's a cat, she's a horny cat.
If she's a cat, she's a slutty cat.
0.934597
0.027778
0.445247
0.992079
0.546832
0.546832
8
8
559,792
thank God it's over.
Thank fuck that's over.
0.827609
0.125
0.000053
0.999323
0.999269
0.999269
4
4
559,794
Madame LaRue?
Madame fucking LaRue.
0.742673
0.363636
0.000128
0.99836
0.998232
0.998232
2
3
559,795
"fool the kender!
"You idiotic kender!
0.806129
0.142857
0.182431
0.99968
0.817249
0.817249
3
3
559,796
this is crazy.
This is ridiculous.
0.773464
0.25
0.000782
0.986212
0.985431
0.985431
3
3
559,798
my mom used to say that America is a big melting pot that you bring to the boil, all washed up on the surface.
My mama used to say that America is a big meltin' pot. Because she used to say when you bring it to a boil, all the scum rises to the top.
0.76007
0.201439
0.00024
0.967147
0.966906
0.966906
24
31
559,799
and you even have to pay some of those taxes.
Fuck me, you even pay some taxes.
0.758865
0.26087
0.000041
0.999573
0.999532
0.999532
10
7
559,800
it's Los Angeles... even a dwarf can score a supermodel 478 if he pays.
It's L.A.-- even a troll can score a supermodel if he's rolling charge.
0.684964
0
0.002737
0.829494
0.826757
0.826757
14
13
559,805
don't talk about my friend.
Don't talk shit about my friend.
0.941557
0.151515
0.001712
0.999282
0.99757
0.99757
5
6
559,807
they are our enemies and everyone who serves them betrays them.
They are our enemies and all who serve them, traitors.
0.8687
0.140625
0.003062
0.999151
0.99609
0.99609
11
10
559,809