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7npqgt | legaladvice_train | 0.97 | (New York) Violent older brother is being released from prison soon and claiming that he plans to move back into the home we grew up in, which is where I live Apologies in advance for the missing/vague details, but for most of my life my family has basically acted like this brother doesn't exist. As such, I only have a rough outline of the stuff that happened when I was really young, so hopefully I am not missing anything particularly relevant. I plan to speak to an attorney this week, but I don’t want to lean on my mother for any more information than is necessary. She has been in poor health lately, and I don’t want to stress her out. My oldest brother, John, was always a few steps worse than a nightmare for my family. I honestly don't remember much beyond constant screaming and fighting in my house when I was very young, but my middle brother (five years my senior) has told me bits and pieces, most of it involving John physically abusing my parents from the time he grew large enough to be able to take our father on. He spent high school at a residential school/treatment center, but came home for weekends and holidays. I know that he is diagnosed with a personality disorder, but I'm not sure of the specifics. In 2002, when I was eight and he was nineteen or twenty, John assaulted me because of an argument he had with our mother. It was pretty serious; I've still got some nasty scars on my head. Long story short, my parents told him he was no longer welcome in their home and called the police, but he left before they arrived. That night he hurt a homeless person pretty badly. I don't know the details but apparently it was a good deal worse than what he did to me. John was arrested the next morning, and has been incarcerated since, but is due to be released in March. My understanding is that he plead guilty to lesser crimes to avoid a trial. Adam went to see John in prison just before Christmas to get a sense of who he is these days, and to find out what his plans are for after his release. Apparently he intends to “move back house” claiming that he "has a right to his home" and "mom owes him." My boyfriend and I live in the house I grew up in, though it's still in my mother's name (dad passed in 2013). That said, for all intents and purposes, the house belongs to me. My mother moved Arizona after my father died, and Adam already owns a home, so it will be left solely to me when the time comes, and the value of the house will be taken from my inheritance and added to Adam's. Anyway, according to John, he's already told the relevant people from the prison that he'll be moving back here upon being released. I'm unsure of the mechanics here, as the extent of my experience with prison is knowing that the asshole responsible for my traumatic childhood is in one upstate. Now, it's a foregone conclusion that my mother won't agree to let him move into my home; to say that she wouldn't spit on John if he was on fire is putting it lightly. She has disowned him and does her best to avoid acknowledging his existence aside from occasionally expressing her belief that the stress of what he put our family through is directly responsible for my father dying of a heart attack. Anyway, the rational part of my brain knows that he isn’t going to be able to just walk into my home and set up shop in his old room, but there’s still some nagging anxiety in the back of my mind. Hopefully you guys can answer a few questions in a way that will either allay my fears or at least prepare me to handle this situation when the time comes. I know I’m going to sound paranoid here, but please bear with me. To be frank, I am terrified of my brother. 1. Would it have been necessary for my parents to formally evict John upon his incarceration, or is such a thing implied by the fact that he received such a long sentence? If the former, while I am not 100% certain, I doubt my parents did so. In this case, would he still technically be considered a tenant in my home, even after more than a decade and a half, and if so, is there a way for me to file for eviction in advance? 2. If he DOES somehow gain entry to the house (breaking in while I’m not home etc), will the police be more likely to remove him from the premises or consider it a civil matter? Is there anything specific I should do to protect myself if he tries to force his way in? 3. I hate to even think about this, but as stated earlier, my mother’s health is not the greatest these days. She has explicitly written John out of her will (she is actually leaving him a toilet brush, as the fight that led to all of this was over his refusal to clean the bathroom). Both of my parents were rather successful financially, and my mother’s estate will be rather valuable. Does John have a leg to stand on if he wants to contest the fact that he was disinherited? If so, would this be likely to extend specifically to the house, or just a percentage of the estate? I hate the idea of him receiving any of my mother’s money because I know it would make her sick, but if not putting up a fight and letting him have a share can remove any potential interest he has in the house, I think my whole family could live with it. 4. Is there a specific type of attorney I should consult about this? I want to do everything I can to protect myself and my boyfriend, but this whole situation is surreal and I am really not sure which way to turn. Thanks in advance for any help you can offer, and I'm sorry that this turned into a bit of a novel. My nerves are a touch frayed right now and I’m finding it difficult to put my thoughts down in a concise manner. | ds3n4l2 | ds3oawe | 1,514,933,165 | 1,514,934,495 | 116 | 394 | Not a lawyer. If its just a will I think he can fight it. A trust is a much stronger way to make sure he only gets the brush. File a restraining order. Buy mace or pepper spray to protect yourself. Call the relevant people at the prison and inform them he is not moving back in here and you want nothing to do with him. I hope it goes well. | 1) He is not allowed in the house. Change the locks, get security cameras, get an alarm if necessary (Nest cams and home automation kits can do this on the cheap). As others have said, get your mom to put this in writing. 2) Call you local police ahead of time, explain the situation to prepare them, ask them how they would like you to proceed. 3) Contact a lawyer, ask him to write a letter informing your brother's parole officer of the situation. 4) Be prepared to call the cops if he shows up. Be prepared to stay in a motel or somewhere safe just in case you are unable to get the police to handle things. Good luck | 0 | 1,330 | 3.396552 |
7npqgt | legaladvice_train | 0.97 | (New York) Violent older brother is being released from prison soon and claiming that he plans to move back into the home we grew up in, which is where I live Apologies in advance for the missing/vague details, but for most of my life my family has basically acted like this brother doesn't exist. As such, I only have a rough outline of the stuff that happened when I was really young, so hopefully I am not missing anything particularly relevant. I plan to speak to an attorney this week, but I don’t want to lean on my mother for any more information than is necessary. She has been in poor health lately, and I don’t want to stress her out. My oldest brother, John, was always a few steps worse than a nightmare for my family. I honestly don't remember much beyond constant screaming and fighting in my house when I was very young, but my middle brother (five years my senior) has told me bits and pieces, most of it involving John physically abusing my parents from the time he grew large enough to be able to take our father on. He spent high school at a residential school/treatment center, but came home for weekends and holidays. I know that he is diagnosed with a personality disorder, but I'm not sure of the specifics. In 2002, when I was eight and he was nineteen or twenty, John assaulted me because of an argument he had with our mother. It was pretty serious; I've still got some nasty scars on my head. Long story short, my parents told him he was no longer welcome in their home and called the police, but he left before they arrived. That night he hurt a homeless person pretty badly. I don't know the details but apparently it was a good deal worse than what he did to me. John was arrested the next morning, and has been incarcerated since, but is due to be released in March. My understanding is that he plead guilty to lesser crimes to avoid a trial. Adam went to see John in prison just before Christmas to get a sense of who he is these days, and to find out what his plans are for after his release. Apparently he intends to “move back house” claiming that he "has a right to his home" and "mom owes him." My boyfriend and I live in the house I grew up in, though it's still in my mother's name (dad passed in 2013). That said, for all intents and purposes, the house belongs to me. My mother moved Arizona after my father died, and Adam already owns a home, so it will be left solely to me when the time comes, and the value of the house will be taken from my inheritance and added to Adam's. Anyway, according to John, he's already told the relevant people from the prison that he'll be moving back here upon being released. I'm unsure of the mechanics here, as the extent of my experience with prison is knowing that the asshole responsible for my traumatic childhood is in one upstate. Now, it's a foregone conclusion that my mother won't agree to let him move into my home; to say that she wouldn't spit on John if he was on fire is putting it lightly. She has disowned him and does her best to avoid acknowledging his existence aside from occasionally expressing her belief that the stress of what he put our family through is directly responsible for my father dying of a heart attack. Anyway, the rational part of my brain knows that he isn’t going to be able to just walk into my home and set up shop in his old room, but there’s still some nagging anxiety in the back of my mind. Hopefully you guys can answer a few questions in a way that will either allay my fears or at least prepare me to handle this situation when the time comes. I know I’m going to sound paranoid here, but please bear with me. To be frank, I am terrified of my brother. 1. Would it have been necessary for my parents to formally evict John upon his incarceration, or is such a thing implied by the fact that he received such a long sentence? If the former, while I am not 100% certain, I doubt my parents did so. In this case, would he still technically be considered a tenant in my home, even after more than a decade and a half, and if so, is there a way for me to file for eviction in advance? 2. If he DOES somehow gain entry to the house (breaking in while I’m not home etc), will the police be more likely to remove him from the premises or consider it a civil matter? Is there anything specific I should do to protect myself if he tries to force his way in? 3. I hate to even think about this, but as stated earlier, my mother’s health is not the greatest these days. She has explicitly written John out of her will (she is actually leaving him a toilet brush, as the fight that led to all of this was over his refusal to clean the bathroom). Both of my parents were rather successful financially, and my mother’s estate will be rather valuable. Does John have a leg to stand on if he wants to contest the fact that he was disinherited? If so, would this be likely to extend specifically to the house, or just a percentage of the estate? I hate the idea of him receiving any of my mother’s money because I know it would make her sick, but if not putting up a fight and letting him have a share can remove any potential interest he has in the house, I think my whole family could live with it. 4. Is there a specific type of attorney I should consult about this? I want to do everything I can to protect myself and my boyfriend, but this whole situation is surreal and I am really not sure which way to turn. Thanks in advance for any help you can offer, and I'm sorry that this turned into a bit of a novel. My nerves are a touch frayed right now and I’m finding it difficult to put my thoughts down in a concise manner. | ds3qoqj | ds3n4l2 | 1,514,937,230 | 1,514,933,165 | 127 | 116 | You've gotten good advice so far - get a good security system set up soon so that you have time to get used to how it operates. If you don't have a dog, consider getting one. It's nice that you have a scary friend with scary dogs, but they aren't a long-term solution...and your brother sounds like the sort of guy who isn't going to let this go after just a few weeks. So set up long-term security solutions for yourself, please. I am not a lawyer, and I am not an expert on corrections-related issues. However, I've worked with high-risk clients. If he is imprisoned in New York, I believe he'll be working on a discharge plan. It sounds like he's told his discharge planner that he has a home (your home) to go to upon release. You might consider contacting the prison and asking to speak to whoever is responsible for discharge planning (it might not be prison staff; it may be parole staff) and let them know that he is not going to be allowed in your home. If the discharge planner is not prison staff, ask them to refer you to the parole department staff responsible for discharge planning. They'll need to work with him on alternative arrangements, but if they don't know that he has no post-release housing they're proceeding on the assumption that all is well. Call your local battered women's shelter and see who they recommend for legal advice and whether they can refer you to someone who can walk you through getting a restraining order. Think through every step you'll take when/if he shows up and tries to enter your home. Mentally practice each step until it becomes automatic (who you'll call, what you'll say, where you'll go) because it'll be harder to remember those details once you're in the situation. Best of luck to you. Editing to add: You may as well stand your ground re: your mother's will. I know you think that if you give in a bit and allow him a share, he'll be OK with that. I am not trying to do a formal diagnosis here; there isn't enough info - but I can say with reasonable confidence that whatever you give him (money, property, time, attention, anything), it will never be enough. You'll always "owe" him more. Focus all of your energy on protecting yourself and your loved ones. Don't try to figure out how to work anything out with him. You take care of you. Just my two cents from having worked with folks with serious personality disorders. | Not a lawyer. If its just a will I think he can fight it. A trust is a much stronger way to make sure he only gets the brush. File a restraining order. Buy mace or pepper spray to protect yourself. Call the relevant people at the prison and inform them he is not moving back in here and you want nothing to do with him. I hope it goes well. | 1 | 4,065 | 1.094828 |
7npqgt | legaladvice_train | 0.97 | (New York) Violent older brother is being released from prison soon and claiming that he plans to move back into the home we grew up in, which is where I live Apologies in advance for the missing/vague details, but for most of my life my family has basically acted like this brother doesn't exist. As such, I only have a rough outline of the stuff that happened when I was really young, so hopefully I am not missing anything particularly relevant. I plan to speak to an attorney this week, but I don’t want to lean on my mother for any more information than is necessary. She has been in poor health lately, and I don’t want to stress her out. My oldest brother, John, was always a few steps worse than a nightmare for my family. I honestly don't remember much beyond constant screaming and fighting in my house when I was very young, but my middle brother (five years my senior) has told me bits and pieces, most of it involving John physically abusing my parents from the time he grew large enough to be able to take our father on. He spent high school at a residential school/treatment center, but came home for weekends and holidays. I know that he is diagnosed with a personality disorder, but I'm not sure of the specifics. In 2002, when I was eight and he was nineteen or twenty, John assaulted me because of an argument he had with our mother. It was pretty serious; I've still got some nasty scars on my head. Long story short, my parents told him he was no longer welcome in their home and called the police, but he left before they arrived. That night he hurt a homeless person pretty badly. I don't know the details but apparently it was a good deal worse than what he did to me. John was arrested the next morning, and has been incarcerated since, but is due to be released in March. My understanding is that he plead guilty to lesser crimes to avoid a trial. Adam went to see John in prison just before Christmas to get a sense of who he is these days, and to find out what his plans are for after his release. Apparently he intends to “move back house” claiming that he "has a right to his home" and "mom owes him." My boyfriend and I live in the house I grew up in, though it's still in my mother's name (dad passed in 2013). That said, for all intents and purposes, the house belongs to me. My mother moved Arizona after my father died, and Adam already owns a home, so it will be left solely to me when the time comes, and the value of the house will be taken from my inheritance and added to Adam's. Anyway, according to John, he's already told the relevant people from the prison that he'll be moving back here upon being released. I'm unsure of the mechanics here, as the extent of my experience with prison is knowing that the asshole responsible for my traumatic childhood is in one upstate. Now, it's a foregone conclusion that my mother won't agree to let him move into my home; to say that she wouldn't spit on John if he was on fire is putting it lightly. She has disowned him and does her best to avoid acknowledging his existence aside from occasionally expressing her belief that the stress of what he put our family through is directly responsible for my father dying of a heart attack. Anyway, the rational part of my brain knows that he isn’t going to be able to just walk into my home and set up shop in his old room, but there’s still some nagging anxiety in the back of my mind. Hopefully you guys can answer a few questions in a way that will either allay my fears or at least prepare me to handle this situation when the time comes. I know I’m going to sound paranoid here, but please bear with me. To be frank, I am terrified of my brother. 1. Would it have been necessary for my parents to formally evict John upon his incarceration, or is such a thing implied by the fact that he received such a long sentence? If the former, while I am not 100% certain, I doubt my parents did so. In this case, would he still technically be considered a tenant in my home, even after more than a decade and a half, and if so, is there a way for me to file for eviction in advance? 2. If he DOES somehow gain entry to the house (breaking in while I’m not home etc), will the police be more likely to remove him from the premises or consider it a civil matter? Is there anything specific I should do to protect myself if he tries to force his way in? 3. I hate to even think about this, but as stated earlier, my mother’s health is not the greatest these days. She has explicitly written John out of her will (she is actually leaving him a toilet brush, as the fight that led to all of this was over his refusal to clean the bathroom). Both of my parents were rather successful financially, and my mother’s estate will be rather valuable. Does John have a leg to stand on if he wants to contest the fact that he was disinherited? If so, would this be likely to extend specifically to the house, or just a percentage of the estate? I hate the idea of him receiving any of my mother’s money because I know it would make her sick, but if not putting up a fight and letting him have a share can remove any potential interest he has in the house, I think my whole family could live with it. 4. Is there a specific type of attorney I should consult about this? I want to do everything I can to protect myself and my boyfriend, but this whole situation is surreal and I am really not sure which way to turn. Thanks in advance for any help you can offer, and I'm sorry that this turned into a bit of a novel. My nerves are a touch frayed right now and I’m finding it difficult to put my thoughts down in a concise manner. | ds3tbbr | ds3rjx6 | 1,514,940,243 | 1,514,938,225 | 25 | 23 | As you mentioned a deadbolt isn't an expensive addition and it adds another layer of security. I would recommend you spend a few hundred dollars and get a good multi camera setup and hide them well. Inform the local cops of the situation and how you might have a trespasser and he might get violent. I wouldn't expect the cops to do anything unless your brother tries something. Here are my responses to your questions. 1. He has no such thing as a right to move back into the house or your mother owing him. He is a grown ass adult and as such can be thrown out on his own. I would recommend you have a local lawyer draft up a letter and sent to him stating he is not to come to the house and that you will file charges against him. 2. I would assume he's on probation after being released from jail. If he does violate his parole, he's getting sent straight back most likely. The cops will take it seriously as he's a convicted criminal and breaking parole. There's nothing much you can't do in terms of protecting yourself if he tries to break in. Like I said, I'd suggest you get deadbolts, cameras, and so on. 3. He can easily fight the will and I've read about cases where the court states that throws the will out and splits the money evenly. If you mother wants to make she he gets nothing, a trust is the way to go. Specifically an irrevocable trust. I also would suggest you leave him with a nominal amount such as $1 to make sure that it's recorded that your mother simply did not forget about him, but left him $1 on purpose as that's more than he's worth. 4. I'd just contact your local attorney and have him draft the letter. If you can, have your boyfriend's brother stay over at your house a few weeks just in case. Doesn't hurt to have some extra muscle around :) Make sure fed him well! haha | Did he complete his sentence, or is he being released on probation/parole? Somehow, I feel like this is something a PO would want to know about. | 1 | 2,018 | 1.086957 |
7npqgt | legaladvice_train | 0.97 | (New York) Violent older brother is being released from prison soon and claiming that he plans to move back into the home we grew up in, which is where I live Apologies in advance for the missing/vague details, but for most of my life my family has basically acted like this brother doesn't exist. As such, I only have a rough outline of the stuff that happened when I was really young, so hopefully I am not missing anything particularly relevant. I plan to speak to an attorney this week, but I don’t want to lean on my mother for any more information than is necessary. She has been in poor health lately, and I don’t want to stress her out. My oldest brother, John, was always a few steps worse than a nightmare for my family. I honestly don't remember much beyond constant screaming and fighting in my house when I was very young, but my middle brother (five years my senior) has told me bits and pieces, most of it involving John physically abusing my parents from the time he grew large enough to be able to take our father on. He spent high school at a residential school/treatment center, but came home for weekends and holidays. I know that he is diagnosed with a personality disorder, but I'm not sure of the specifics. In 2002, when I was eight and he was nineteen or twenty, John assaulted me because of an argument he had with our mother. It was pretty serious; I've still got some nasty scars on my head. Long story short, my parents told him he was no longer welcome in their home and called the police, but he left before they arrived. That night he hurt a homeless person pretty badly. I don't know the details but apparently it was a good deal worse than what he did to me. John was arrested the next morning, and has been incarcerated since, but is due to be released in March. My understanding is that he plead guilty to lesser crimes to avoid a trial. Adam went to see John in prison just before Christmas to get a sense of who he is these days, and to find out what his plans are for after his release. Apparently he intends to “move back house” claiming that he "has a right to his home" and "mom owes him." My boyfriend and I live in the house I grew up in, though it's still in my mother's name (dad passed in 2013). That said, for all intents and purposes, the house belongs to me. My mother moved Arizona after my father died, and Adam already owns a home, so it will be left solely to me when the time comes, and the value of the house will be taken from my inheritance and added to Adam's. Anyway, according to John, he's already told the relevant people from the prison that he'll be moving back here upon being released. I'm unsure of the mechanics here, as the extent of my experience with prison is knowing that the asshole responsible for my traumatic childhood is in one upstate. Now, it's a foregone conclusion that my mother won't agree to let him move into my home; to say that she wouldn't spit on John if he was on fire is putting it lightly. She has disowned him and does her best to avoid acknowledging his existence aside from occasionally expressing her belief that the stress of what he put our family through is directly responsible for my father dying of a heart attack. Anyway, the rational part of my brain knows that he isn’t going to be able to just walk into my home and set up shop in his old room, but there’s still some nagging anxiety in the back of my mind. Hopefully you guys can answer a few questions in a way that will either allay my fears or at least prepare me to handle this situation when the time comes. I know I’m going to sound paranoid here, but please bear with me. To be frank, I am terrified of my brother. 1. Would it have been necessary for my parents to formally evict John upon his incarceration, or is such a thing implied by the fact that he received such a long sentence? If the former, while I am not 100% certain, I doubt my parents did so. In this case, would he still technically be considered a tenant in my home, even after more than a decade and a half, and if so, is there a way for me to file for eviction in advance? 2. If he DOES somehow gain entry to the house (breaking in while I’m not home etc), will the police be more likely to remove him from the premises or consider it a civil matter? Is there anything specific I should do to protect myself if he tries to force his way in? 3. I hate to even think about this, but as stated earlier, my mother’s health is not the greatest these days. She has explicitly written John out of her will (she is actually leaving him a toilet brush, as the fight that led to all of this was over his refusal to clean the bathroom). Both of my parents were rather successful financially, and my mother’s estate will be rather valuable. Does John have a leg to stand on if he wants to contest the fact that he was disinherited? If so, would this be likely to extend specifically to the house, or just a percentage of the estate? I hate the idea of him receiving any of my mother’s money because I know it would make her sick, but if not putting up a fight and letting him have a share can remove any potential interest he has in the house, I think my whole family could live with it. 4. Is there a specific type of attorney I should consult about this? I want to do everything I can to protect myself and my boyfriend, but this whole situation is surreal and I am really not sure which way to turn. Thanks in advance for any help you can offer, and I'm sorry that this turned into a bit of a novel. My nerves are a touch frayed right now and I’m finding it difficult to put my thoughts down in a concise manner. | ds3tbbr | ds3r165 | 1,514,940,243 | 1,514,937,626 | 25 | 13 | As you mentioned a deadbolt isn't an expensive addition and it adds another layer of security. I would recommend you spend a few hundred dollars and get a good multi camera setup and hide them well. Inform the local cops of the situation and how you might have a trespasser and he might get violent. I wouldn't expect the cops to do anything unless your brother tries something. Here are my responses to your questions. 1. He has no such thing as a right to move back into the house or your mother owing him. He is a grown ass adult and as such can be thrown out on his own. I would recommend you have a local lawyer draft up a letter and sent to him stating he is not to come to the house and that you will file charges against him. 2. I would assume he's on probation after being released from jail. If he does violate his parole, he's getting sent straight back most likely. The cops will take it seriously as he's a convicted criminal and breaking parole. There's nothing much you can't do in terms of protecting yourself if he tries to break in. Like I said, I'd suggest you get deadbolts, cameras, and so on. 3. He can easily fight the will and I've read about cases where the court states that throws the will out and splits the money evenly. If you mother wants to make she he gets nothing, a trust is the way to go. Specifically an irrevocable trust. I also would suggest you leave him with a nominal amount such as $1 to make sure that it's recorded that your mother simply did not forget about him, but left him $1 on purpose as that's more than he's worth. 4. I'd just contact your local attorney and have him draft the letter. If you can, have your boyfriend's brother stay over at your house a few weeks just in case. Doesn't hurt to have some extra muscle around :) Make sure fed him well! haha | Op, reach out to your local pd to see if they have a victim's advocate. Domestic violence organizations may also have resources or contacts for you. You might also want to meet with the local pd in person to warn them about possible problems. (If this is NYC, this step may have very little impact). | 1 | 2,617 | 1.923077 |
7npqgt | legaladvice_train | 0.97 | (New York) Violent older brother is being released from prison soon and claiming that he plans to move back into the home we grew up in, which is where I live Apologies in advance for the missing/vague details, but for most of my life my family has basically acted like this brother doesn't exist. As such, I only have a rough outline of the stuff that happened when I was really young, so hopefully I am not missing anything particularly relevant. I plan to speak to an attorney this week, but I don’t want to lean on my mother for any more information than is necessary. She has been in poor health lately, and I don’t want to stress her out. My oldest brother, John, was always a few steps worse than a nightmare for my family. I honestly don't remember much beyond constant screaming and fighting in my house when I was very young, but my middle brother (five years my senior) has told me bits and pieces, most of it involving John physically abusing my parents from the time he grew large enough to be able to take our father on. He spent high school at a residential school/treatment center, but came home for weekends and holidays. I know that he is diagnosed with a personality disorder, but I'm not sure of the specifics. In 2002, when I was eight and he was nineteen or twenty, John assaulted me because of an argument he had with our mother. It was pretty serious; I've still got some nasty scars on my head. Long story short, my parents told him he was no longer welcome in their home and called the police, but he left before they arrived. That night he hurt a homeless person pretty badly. I don't know the details but apparently it was a good deal worse than what he did to me. John was arrested the next morning, and has been incarcerated since, but is due to be released in March. My understanding is that he plead guilty to lesser crimes to avoid a trial. Adam went to see John in prison just before Christmas to get a sense of who he is these days, and to find out what his plans are for after his release. Apparently he intends to “move back house” claiming that he "has a right to his home" and "mom owes him." My boyfriend and I live in the house I grew up in, though it's still in my mother's name (dad passed in 2013). That said, for all intents and purposes, the house belongs to me. My mother moved Arizona after my father died, and Adam already owns a home, so it will be left solely to me when the time comes, and the value of the house will be taken from my inheritance and added to Adam's. Anyway, according to John, he's already told the relevant people from the prison that he'll be moving back here upon being released. I'm unsure of the mechanics here, as the extent of my experience with prison is knowing that the asshole responsible for my traumatic childhood is in one upstate. Now, it's a foregone conclusion that my mother won't agree to let him move into my home; to say that she wouldn't spit on John if he was on fire is putting it lightly. She has disowned him and does her best to avoid acknowledging his existence aside from occasionally expressing her belief that the stress of what he put our family through is directly responsible for my father dying of a heart attack. Anyway, the rational part of my brain knows that he isn’t going to be able to just walk into my home and set up shop in his old room, but there’s still some nagging anxiety in the back of my mind. Hopefully you guys can answer a few questions in a way that will either allay my fears or at least prepare me to handle this situation when the time comes. I know I’m going to sound paranoid here, but please bear with me. To be frank, I am terrified of my brother. 1. Would it have been necessary for my parents to formally evict John upon his incarceration, or is such a thing implied by the fact that he received such a long sentence? If the former, while I am not 100% certain, I doubt my parents did so. In this case, would he still technically be considered a tenant in my home, even after more than a decade and a half, and if so, is there a way for me to file for eviction in advance? 2. If he DOES somehow gain entry to the house (breaking in while I’m not home etc), will the police be more likely to remove him from the premises or consider it a civil matter? Is there anything specific I should do to protect myself if he tries to force his way in? 3. I hate to even think about this, but as stated earlier, my mother’s health is not the greatest these days. She has explicitly written John out of her will (she is actually leaving him a toilet brush, as the fight that led to all of this was over his refusal to clean the bathroom). Both of my parents were rather successful financially, and my mother’s estate will be rather valuable. Does John have a leg to stand on if he wants to contest the fact that he was disinherited? If so, would this be likely to extend specifically to the house, or just a percentage of the estate? I hate the idea of him receiving any of my mother’s money because I know it would make her sick, but if not putting up a fight and letting him have a share can remove any potential interest he has in the house, I think my whole family could live with it. 4. Is there a specific type of attorney I should consult about this? I want to do everything I can to protect myself and my boyfriend, but this whole situation is surreal and I am really not sure which way to turn. Thanks in advance for any help you can offer, and I'm sorry that this turned into a bit of a novel. My nerves are a touch frayed right now and I’m finding it difficult to put my thoughts down in a concise manner. | ds3rjx6 | ds3r165 | 1,514,938,225 | 1,514,937,626 | 23 | 13 | Did he complete his sentence, or is he being released on probation/parole? Somehow, I feel like this is something a PO would want to know about. | Op, reach out to your local pd to see if they have a victim's advocate. Domestic violence organizations may also have resources or contacts for you. You might also want to meet with the local pd in person to warn them about possible problems. (If this is NYC, this step may have very little impact). | 1 | 599 | 1.769231 |
7npqgt | legaladvice_train | 0.97 | (New York) Violent older brother is being released from prison soon and claiming that he plans to move back into the home we grew up in, which is where I live Apologies in advance for the missing/vague details, but for most of my life my family has basically acted like this brother doesn't exist. As such, I only have a rough outline of the stuff that happened when I was really young, so hopefully I am not missing anything particularly relevant. I plan to speak to an attorney this week, but I don’t want to lean on my mother for any more information than is necessary. She has been in poor health lately, and I don’t want to stress her out. My oldest brother, John, was always a few steps worse than a nightmare for my family. I honestly don't remember much beyond constant screaming and fighting in my house when I was very young, but my middle brother (five years my senior) has told me bits and pieces, most of it involving John physically abusing my parents from the time he grew large enough to be able to take our father on. He spent high school at a residential school/treatment center, but came home for weekends and holidays. I know that he is diagnosed with a personality disorder, but I'm not sure of the specifics. In 2002, when I was eight and he was nineteen or twenty, John assaulted me because of an argument he had with our mother. It was pretty serious; I've still got some nasty scars on my head. Long story short, my parents told him he was no longer welcome in their home and called the police, but he left before they arrived. That night he hurt a homeless person pretty badly. I don't know the details but apparently it was a good deal worse than what he did to me. John was arrested the next morning, and has been incarcerated since, but is due to be released in March. My understanding is that he plead guilty to lesser crimes to avoid a trial. Adam went to see John in prison just before Christmas to get a sense of who he is these days, and to find out what his plans are for after his release. Apparently he intends to “move back house” claiming that he "has a right to his home" and "mom owes him." My boyfriend and I live in the house I grew up in, though it's still in my mother's name (dad passed in 2013). That said, for all intents and purposes, the house belongs to me. My mother moved Arizona after my father died, and Adam already owns a home, so it will be left solely to me when the time comes, and the value of the house will be taken from my inheritance and added to Adam's. Anyway, according to John, he's already told the relevant people from the prison that he'll be moving back here upon being released. I'm unsure of the mechanics here, as the extent of my experience with prison is knowing that the asshole responsible for my traumatic childhood is in one upstate. Now, it's a foregone conclusion that my mother won't agree to let him move into my home; to say that she wouldn't spit on John if he was on fire is putting it lightly. She has disowned him and does her best to avoid acknowledging his existence aside from occasionally expressing her belief that the stress of what he put our family through is directly responsible for my father dying of a heart attack. Anyway, the rational part of my brain knows that he isn’t going to be able to just walk into my home and set up shop in his old room, but there’s still some nagging anxiety in the back of my mind. Hopefully you guys can answer a few questions in a way that will either allay my fears or at least prepare me to handle this situation when the time comes. I know I’m going to sound paranoid here, but please bear with me. To be frank, I am terrified of my brother. 1. Would it have been necessary for my parents to formally evict John upon his incarceration, or is such a thing implied by the fact that he received such a long sentence? If the former, while I am not 100% certain, I doubt my parents did so. In this case, would he still technically be considered a tenant in my home, even after more than a decade and a half, and if so, is there a way for me to file for eviction in advance? 2. If he DOES somehow gain entry to the house (breaking in while I’m not home etc), will the police be more likely to remove him from the premises or consider it a civil matter? Is there anything specific I should do to protect myself if he tries to force his way in? 3. I hate to even think about this, but as stated earlier, my mother’s health is not the greatest these days. She has explicitly written John out of her will (she is actually leaving him a toilet brush, as the fight that led to all of this was over his refusal to clean the bathroom). Both of my parents were rather successful financially, and my mother’s estate will be rather valuable. Does John have a leg to stand on if he wants to contest the fact that he was disinherited? If so, would this be likely to extend specifically to the house, or just a percentage of the estate? I hate the idea of him receiving any of my mother’s money because I know it would make her sick, but if not putting up a fight and letting him have a share can remove any potential interest he has in the house, I think my whole family could live with it. 4. Is there a specific type of attorney I should consult about this? I want to do everything I can to protect myself and my boyfriend, but this whole situation is surreal and I am really not sure which way to turn. Thanks in advance for any help you can offer, and I'm sorry that this turned into a bit of a novel. My nerves are a touch frayed right now and I’m finding it difficult to put my thoughts down in a concise manner. | ds3r165 | ds4dhx3 | 1,514,937,626 | 1,514,969,891 | 13 | 15 | Op, reach out to your local pd to see if they have a victim's advocate. Domestic violence organizations may also have resources or contacts for you. You might also want to meet with the local pd in person to warn them about possible problems. (If this is NYC, this step may have very little impact). | >I hate to even think about this, but as stated earlier, my mother’s health is not the greatest these days. She has explicitly written John out of her will (she is actually leaving him a toilet brush, as the fight that led to all of this was over his refusal to clean the bathroom). Everything else aside, that's an epic dig right there. | 0 | 32,265 | 1.153846 |
7npqgt | legaladvice_train | 0.97 | (New York) Violent older brother is being released from prison soon and claiming that he plans to move back into the home we grew up in, which is where I live Apologies in advance for the missing/vague details, but for most of my life my family has basically acted like this brother doesn't exist. As such, I only have a rough outline of the stuff that happened when I was really young, so hopefully I am not missing anything particularly relevant. I plan to speak to an attorney this week, but I don’t want to lean on my mother for any more information than is necessary. She has been in poor health lately, and I don’t want to stress her out. My oldest brother, John, was always a few steps worse than a nightmare for my family. I honestly don't remember much beyond constant screaming and fighting in my house when I was very young, but my middle brother (five years my senior) has told me bits and pieces, most of it involving John physically abusing my parents from the time he grew large enough to be able to take our father on. He spent high school at a residential school/treatment center, but came home for weekends and holidays. I know that he is diagnosed with a personality disorder, but I'm not sure of the specifics. In 2002, when I was eight and he was nineteen or twenty, John assaulted me because of an argument he had with our mother. It was pretty serious; I've still got some nasty scars on my head. Long story short, my parents told him he was no longer welcome in their home and called the police, but he left before they arrived. That night he hurt a homeless person pretty badly. I don't know the details but apparently it was a good deal worse than what he did to me. John was arrested the next morning, and has been incarcerated since, but is due to be released in March. My understanding is that he plead guilty to lesser crimes to avoid a trial. Adam went to see John in prison just before Christmas to get a sense of who he is these days, and to find out what his plans are for after his release. Apparently he intends to “move back house” claiming that he "has a right to his home" and "mom owes him." My boyfriend and I live in the house I grew up in, though it's still in my mother's name (dad passed in 2013). That said, for all intents and purposes, the house belongs to me. My mother moved Arizona after my father died, and Adam already owns a home, so it will be left solely to me when the time comes, and the value of the house will be taken from my inheritance and added to Adam's. Anyway, according to John, he's already told the relevant people from the prison that he'll be moving back here upon being released. I'm unsure of the mechanics here, as the extent of my experience with prison is knowing that the asshole responsible for my traumatic childhood is in one upstate. Now, it's a foregone conclusion that my mother won't agree to let him move into my home; to say that she wouldn't spit on John if he was on fire is putting it lightly. She has disowned him and does her best to avoid acknowledging his existence aside from occasionally expressing her belief that the stress of what he put our family through is directly responsible for my father dying of a heart attack. Anyway, the rational part of my brain knows that he isn’t going to be able to just walk into my home and set up shop in his old room, but there’s still some nagging anxiety in the back of my mind. Hopefully you guys can answer a few questions in a way that will either allay my fears or at least prepare me to handle this situation when the time comes. I know I’m going to sound paranoid here, but please bear with me. To be frank, I am terrified of my brother. 1. Would it have been necessary for my parents to formally evict John upon his incarceration, or is such a thing implied by the fact that he received such a long sentence? If the former, while I am not 100% certain, I doubt my parents did so. In this case, would he still technically be considered a tenant in my home, even after more than a decade and a half, and if so, is there a way for me to file for eviction in advance? 2. If he DOES somehow gain entry to the house (breaking in while I’m not home etc), will the police be more likely to remove him from the premises or consider it a civil matter? Is there anything specific I should do to protect myself if he tries to force his way in? 3. I hate to even think about this, but as stated earlier, my mother’s health is not the greatest these days. She has explicitly written John out of her will (she is actually leaving him a toilet brush, as the fight that led to all of this was over his refusal to clean the bathroom). Both of my parents were rather successful financially, and my mother’s estate will be rather valuable. Does John have a leg to stand on if he wants to contest the fact that he was disinherited? If so, would this be likely to extend specifically to the house, or just a percentage of the estate? I hate the idea of him receiving any of my mother’s money because I know it would make her sick, but if not putting up a fight and letting him have a share can remove any potential interest he has in the house, I think my whole family could live with it. 4. Is there a specific type of attorney I should consult about this? I want to do everything I can to protect myself and my boyfriend, but this whole situation is surreal and I am really not sure which way to turn. Thanks in advance for any help you can offer, and I'm sorry that this turned into a bit of a novel. My nerves are a touch frayed right now and I’m finding it difficult to put my thoughts down in a concise manner. | ds4dhx3 | ds46cp5 | 1,514,969,891 | 1,514,955,956 | 15 | 8 | >I hate to even think about this, but as stated earlier, my mother’s health is not the greatest these days. She has explicitly written John out of her will (she is actually leaving him a toilet brush, as the fight that led to all of this was over his refusal to clean the bathroom). Everything else aside, that's an epic dig right there. | One thing not covered yet, does he have any possessions inside the home? If so, you might want to consider moving them into a storage locker or something similar, just to remove any reason for him to gain entry. | 1 | 13,935 | 1.875 |
9nu1d7 | legaladvice_train | 0.93 | [MA] I was badly sexually assaulted at work last night by a customer. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to talk about the details on the internet, but it was REALLY bad and he got away. To make it clear I was physically assaulted, very badly, and not verbally harassed. I barely remember his face. I wondered if writing an incident report with management was best in case this person ever comes back or targets me in the future and further action can be taken and this be used as evidence. Although I have very little information on this man, should I do a police report just for the sake of having it documented? I’m just not sure how this works and I’m already so embarrassed and hurt...I just want to make sure I take the necessary precautions as soon as I can without forgetting to do anything due to emotional disarray. Thank you | e7oyeh2 | e7oysgl | 1,539,440,583 | 1,539,440,997 | 17 | 138 | Definitely reporting it could help the next person if they do it again and help you get justice if they get caught. If he gets caught and they see a pattern the police are more likely to believe that they need to be punished. I am not trying to invalidate your experience, it's just that this world is fucked up and they don't believe the victim unless they have proof. At the very least, take pictures and have a written record of everything you can remember and put it away so if you feel more empowered later you have something documented as close to the timing as possible. Better if you have someone you trust do it for you because then you have someone that can corroborate that they saw you after it happened and can talk about what you told them then. | Just wanted to let you know that you can still have a rape kit done, if necessary. In most cases, DNA evidence needs to be collected within 72 hours in order to be analyzed by a crime lab. But even after 3 days (I know you said it was last night, just including it as info), a sexual assault forensic exam can reveal other forms of evidence that can be useful if you decide to report. Place your belongings, including the clothes you were wearing, in a paper bag to safely preserve evidence. If you are able to, try to avoid activities that could potentially damage evidence such as bathing, showering, using the restroom, changing clothes, combing hair, and cleaning up the area. But even if you have done any of these activities, you can still have an exam performed. All the best! | 0 | 414 | 8.117647 |
9nu1d7 | legaladvice_train | 0.93 | [MA] I was badly sexually assaulted at work last night by a customer. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to talk about the details on the internet, but it was REALLY bad and he got away. To make it clear I was physically assaulted, very badly, and not verbally harassed. I barely remember his face. I wondered if writing an incident report with management was best in case this person ever comes back or targets me in the future and further action can be taken and this be used as evidence. Although I have very little information on this man, should I do a police report just for the sake of having it documented? I’m just not sure how this works and I’m already so embarrassed and hurt...I just want to make sure I take the necessary precautions as soon as I can without forgetting to do anything due to emotional disarray. Thank you | e7oz5sq | e7p28nd | 1,539,441,379 | 1,539,444,617 | 24 | 45 | Yes, go to the police and make a report. The sooner, the better. If there is some detail you don't know or don't remember, it is okay to say so. Memory is a fickle thing. Let them know you will also be making an incedent report at your work. If you feel the need to, ask for copies of both the police and work reports, just in case. If the customer decides to come by again, you and the police will be better prepared. I don't know where you work, but requesting you have another coworker to work along side you for a while might come in handy and ease your anxiety of being alone, especially if you have to go out in the dark to do things. | Go to the hospital now and they will contact the police for you. Please keep in mind that a tremendous amount of homes and businesses are now covered by security cameras. It's entirely possible that someone else on the block recorded your assailant entering or leaving your place of business or adjacent areas. That might also include a license plate. Match that up with DNA from a rape kit and the prosecutor will have something to work with. In addition, depending on the nature of your job, you may be entitled to worker's compensation benefits. | 0 | 3,238 | 1.875 |
9nu1d7 | legaladvice_train | 0.93 | [MA] I was badly sexually assaulted at work last night by a customer. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to talk about the details on the internet, but it was REALLY bad and he got away. To make it clear I was physically assaulted, very badly, and not verbally harassed. I barely remember his face. I wondered if writing an incident report with management was best in case this person ever comes back or targets me in the future and further action can be taken and this be used as evidence. Although I have very little information on this man, should I do a police report just for the sake of having it documented? I’m just not sure how this works and I’m already so embarrassed and hurt...I just want to make sure I take the necessary precautions as soon as I can without forgetting to do anything due to emotional disarray. Thank you | e7oyeh2 | e7p28nd | 1,539,440,583 | 1,539,444,617 | 17 | 45 | Definitely reporting it could help the next person if they do it again and help you get justice if they get caught. If he gets caught and they see a pattern the police are more likely to believe that they need to be punished. I am not trying to invalidate your experience, it's just that this world is fucked up and they don't believe the victim unless they have proof. At the very least, take pictures and have a written record of everything you can remember and put it away so if you feel more empowered later you have something documented as close to the timing as possible. Better if you have someone you trust do it for you because then you have someone that can corroborate that they saw you after it happened and can talk about what you told them then. | Go to the hospital now and they will contact the police for you. Please keep in mind that a tremendous amount of homes and businesses are now covered by security cameras. It's entirely possible that someone else on the block recorded your assailant entering or leaving your place of business or adjacent areas. That might also include a license plate. Match that up with DNA from a rape kit and the prosecutor will have something to work with. In addition, depending on the nature of your job, you may be entitled to worker's compensation benefits. | 0 | 4,034 | 2.647059 |
9nu1d7 | legaladvice_train | 0.93 | [MA] I was badly sexually assaulted at work last night by a customer. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to talk about the details on the internet, but it was REALLY bad and he got away. To make it clear I was physically assaulted, very badly, and not verbally harassed. I barely remember his face. I wondered if writing an incident report with management was best in case this person ever comes back or targets me in the future and further action can be taken and this be used as evidence. Although I have very little information on this man, should I do a police report just for the sake of having it documented? I’m just not sure how this works and I’m already so embarrassed and hurt...I just want to make sure I take the necessary precautions as soon as I can without forgetting to do anything due to emotional disarray. Thank you | e7p024k | e7p28nd | 1,539,442,348 | 1,539,444,617 | 17 | 45 | Yes, I highly recommend going to the hospital to have a rape kit done. They will probably help you to contact the police. Also, does your work have security video? Do what you can to save any video of that time frame. | Go to the hospital now and they will contact the police for you. Please keep in mind that a tremendous amount of homes and businesses are now covered by security cameras. It's entirely possible that someone else on the block recorded your assailant entering or leaving your place of business or adjacent areas. That might also include a license plate. Match that up with DNA from a rape kit and the prosecutor will have something to work with. In addition, depending on the nature of your job, you may be entitled to worker's compensation benefits. | 0 | 2,269 | 2.647059 |
9nu1d7 | legaladvice_train | 0.93 | [MA] I was badly sexually assaulted at work last night by a customer. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to talk about the details on the internet, but it was REALLY bad and he got away. To make it clear I was physically assaulted, very badly, and not verbally harassed. I barely remember his face. I wondered if writing an incident report with management was best in case this person ever comes back or targets me in the future and further action can be taken and this be used as evidence. Although I have very little information on this man, should I do a police report just for the sake of having it documented? I’m just not sure how this works and I’m already so embarrassed and hurt...I just want to make sure I take the necessary precautions as soon as I can without forgetting to do anything due to emotional disarray. Thank you | e7oz5sq | e7oyeh2 | 1,539,441,379 | 1,539,440,583 | 24 | 17 | Yes, go to the police and make a report. The sooner, the better. If there is some detail you don't know or don't remember, it is okay to say so. Memory is a fickle thing. Let them know you will also be making an incedent report at your work. If you feel the need to, ask for copies of both the police and work reports, just in case. If the customer decides to come by again, you and the police will be better prepared. I don't know where you work, but requesting you have another coworker to work along side you for a while might come in handy and ease your anxiety of being alone, especially if you have to go out in the dark to do things. | Definitely reporting it could help the next person if they do it again and help you get justice if they get caught. If he gets caught and they see a pattern the police are more likely to believe that they need to be punished. I am not trying to invalidate your experience, it's just that this world is fucked up and they don't believe the victim unless they have proof. At the very least, take pictures and have a written record of everything you can remember and put it away so if you feel more empowered later you have something documented as close to the timing as possible. Better if you have someone you trust do it for you because then you have someone that can corroborate that they saw you after it happened and can talk about what you told them then. | 1 | 796 | 1.411765 |
9nu1d7 | legaladvice_train | 0.93 | [MA] I was badly sexually assaulted at work last night by a customer. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to talk about the details on the internet, but it was REALLY bad and he got away. To make it clear I was physically assaulted, very badly, and not verbally harassed. I barely remember his face. I wondered if writing an incident report with management was best in case this person ever comes back or targets me in the future and further action can be taken and this be used as evidence. Although I have very little information on this man, should I do a police report just for the sake of having it documented? I’m just not sure how this works and I’m already so embarrassed and hurt...I just want to make sure I take the necessary precautions as soon as I can without forgetting to do anything due to emotional disarray. Thank you | e7p2sww | e7p2fbe | 1,539,445,186 | 1,539,444,802 | 13 | 6 | If you go to the police about this they can (and will) investigate. You are under no obligation to report this to the police, and you can document the incident simply by telling someone about it, and/or writing down details of the incident and/or going to the hospital. However none of these things will protect this person from hurting you, or someone else in the future. You say you have little information about the person, however the police may otherwise be familiar with this person, and may know exactly who you are talking about with a few select details. | What you are going through is completely normal, psychologically, speaking. I would suggest a call to RAINN to look up various support organizations in your area. You can also get an victim advocate to support you through the evidence gathering and investigation phases. | 1 | 384 | 2.166667 |
9nu1d7 | legaladvice_train | 0.93 | [MA] I was badly sexually assaulted at work last night by a customer. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to talk about the details on the internet, but it was REALLY bad and he got away. To make it clear I was physically assaulted, very badly, and not verbally harassed. I barely remember his face. I wondered if writing an incident report with management was best in case this person ever comes back or targets me in the future and further action can be taken and this be used as evidence. Although I have very little information on this man, should I do a police report just for the sake of having it documented? I’m just not sure how this works and I’m already so embarrassed and hurt...I just want to make sure I take the necessary precautions as soon as I can without forgetting to do anything due to emotional disarray. Thank you | e7p5nbg | e7p2fbe | 1,539,447,978 | 1,539,444,802 | 10 | 6 | I am very sorry this happened to you. I also recommend going to the hospital and doing a rape kit. The people there will help you with the police report. But, if that seems too overwhelming, I suggest calling a rape crisis line. Whoever you talk to can help you understand all of your choices and what they entail. No matter what you decide to do, I recommend getting some counseling. This is an extremely traumatizing event and getting help with how to process it is important. | What you are going through is completely normal, psychologically, speaking. I would suggest a call to RAINN to look up various support organizations in your area. You can also get an victim advocate to support you through the evidence gathering and investigation phases. | 1 | 3,176 | 1.666667 |
9nu1d7 | legaladvice_train | 0.93 | [MA] I was badly sexually assaulted at work last night by a customer. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to talk about the details on the internet, but it was REALLY bad and he got away. To make it clear I was physically assaulted, very badly, and not verbally harassed. I barely remember his face. I wondered if writing an incident report with management was best in case this person ever comes back or targets me in the future and further action can be taken and this be used as evidence. Although I have very little information on this man, should I do a police report just for the sake of having it documented? I’m just not sure how this works and I’m already so embarrassed and hurt...I just want to make sure I take the necessary precautions as soon as I can without forgetting to do anything due to emotional disarray. Thank you | e7p93cq | e7p2fbe | 1,539,451,153 | 1,539,444,802 | 9 | 6 | File a police report and get medical and emotional help first of all. The police will handle the investigation, and likely assign you a victim advocate to keep you informed as things change. While an employer isn’t going to be liable for a one-off attack by a customer on an Employee, if this is part of a pattern of behavior, or the employer knew of the specific danger the person represented, or there was a clearly escalateing series of events leading up to the assault that the employer could have reasonably foreseen and stopped; there is the possibility of pursuing a claim against the employer. But focus on yourself first, and see what your employer does to protect you/others in the future. If they don’t take reasonable actions to prevent future similar occurrences; that would be the time to reach out to an attorney. | What you are going through is completely normal, psychologically, speaking. I would suggest a call to RAINN to look up various support organizations in your area. You can also get an victim advocate to support you through the evidence gathering and investigation phases. | 1 | 6,351 | 1.5 |
9nu1d7 | legaladvice_train | 0.93 | [MA] I was badly sexually assaulted at work last night by a customer. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to talk about the details on the internet, but it was REALLY bad and he got away. To make it clear I was physically assaulted, very badly, and not verbally harassed. I barely remember his face. I wondered if writing an incident report with management was best in case this person ever comes back or targets me in the future and further action can be taken and this be used as evidence. Although I have very little information on this man, should I do a police report just for the sake of having it documented? I’m just not sure how this works and I’m already so embarrassed and hurt...I just want to make sure I take the necessary precautions as soon as I can without forgetting to do anything due to emotional disarray. Thank you | e7p7upy | e7p93cq | 1,539,450,027 | 1,539,451,153 | 2 | 9 | File a police report right now | File a police report and get medical and emotional help first of all. The police will handle the investigation, and likely assign you a victim advocate to keep you informed as things change. While an employer isn’t going to be liable for a one-off attack by a customer on an Employee, if this is part of a pattern of behavior, or the employer knew of the specific danger the person represented, or there was a clearly escalateing series of events leading up to the assault that the employer could have reasonably foreseen and stopped; there is the possibility of pursuing a claim against the employer. But focus on yourself first, and see what your employer does to protect you/others in the future. If they don’t take reasonable actions to prevent future similar occurrences; that would be the time to reach out to an attorney. | 0 | 1,126 | 4.5 |
9nu1d7 | legaladvice_train | 0.93 | [MA] I was badly sexually assaulted at work last night by a customer. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to talk about the details on the internet, but it was REALLY bad and he got away. To make it clear I was physically assaulted, very badly, and not verbally harassed. I barely remember his face. I wondered if writing an incident report with management was best in case this person ever comes back or targets me in the future and further action can be taken and this be used as evidence. Although I have very little information on this man, should I do a police report just for the sake of having it documented? I’m just not sure how this works and I’m already so embarrassed and hurt...I just want to make sure I take the necessary precautions as soon as I can without forgetting to do anything due to emotional disarray. Thank you | e7p7upy | e7p9ta6 | 1,539,450,027 | 1,539,451,811 | 2 | 5 | File a police report right now | Please go to the hospital (the ER is fine) as soon as you can and explain what happened. They will do a physical exam, collect DNA if possible, record any bruising/abrasions, and bring in an officer so you can file a police report. Then let your workplace know what happened. I hope it all goes smoothly. | 0 | 1,784 | 2.5 |
9nu1d7 | legaladvice_train | 0.93 | [MA] I was badly sexually assaulted at work last night by a customer. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to talk about the details on the internet, but it was REALLY bad and he got away. To make it clear I was physically assaulted, very badly, and not verbally harassed. I barely remember his face. I wondered if writing an incident report with management was best in case this person ever comes back or targets me in the future and further action can be taken and this be used as evidence. Although I have very little information on this man, should I do a police report just for the sake of having it documented? I’m just not sure how this works and I’m already so embarrassed and hurt...I just want to make sure I take the necessary precautions as soon as I can without forgetting to do anything due to emotional disarray. Thank you | e7p7upy | e7p9zeg | 1,539,450,027 | 1,539,451,968 | 2 | 3 | File a police report right now | Call your county’s rape crisis center and they’ll tell you which hospital to go to get a full forensic and medical exam. Usually all will be able to do that in the ER, however depending on your state, there might be a designated hospital that has a sexual assault clinic. The benefit of that is it’ll be free and you’ll be connected with an advocate from a rape crisis agency who will read you your rights as a survivor, give resources, and provide emotional support. Try not to shower or eat anything, if you did, that’s okay but go ASAP. | 0 | 1,941 | 1.5 |
9nu1d7 | legaladvice_train | 0.93 | [MA] I was badly sexually assaulted at work last night by a customer. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to talk about the details on the internet, but it was REALLY bad and he got away. To make it clear I was physically assaulted, very badly, and not verbally harassed. I barely remember his face. I wondered if writing an incident report with management was best in case this person ever comes back or targets me in the future and further action can be taken and this be used as evidence. Although I have very little information on this man, should I do a police report just for the sake of having it documented? I’m just not sure how this works and I’m already so embarrassed and hurt...I just want to make sure I take the necessary precautions as soon as I can without forgetting to do anything due to emotional disarray. Thank you | e7pjhj1 | e7p7upy | 1,539,460,677 | 1,539,450,027 | 3 | 2 | Definitely file a police report. Did you already report this to a manager? If there are security cameras, make sure management saves any footage that captures the assault or at least the presence of the customer on premises around the time of the assault. This would be especially helpful to the police. Depending on the camera system, it will likely recycle space on the storage after a period of time, so the sooner this is either locked in the system or exported, the better. | File a police report right now | 1 | 10,650 | 1.5 |
m4mqc0 | legaladvice_train | 0.87 | Got sexually assaulted at work by customer, management now retaliating against me Greetings, on mobile, apologies for formatting. I (40F) work at a fine dining restaurant in a luxury hotel in WA. We have a very corporate structure but are independently owned. Earlier this week I was groped by a restaurant patron, who also happened to be an elderly woman. Immediately after patting my ass, the customer leaned close and admitted that she knew that she had “touched my butt, but she just couldn’t help herself” and “that’s just the way she is”. I immediately reported this to the managers on duty. The customer grew increasingly hostile toward me, while her husband sat back and laughed at me condescendingly. I sent my manager over to deal with the guests, and was told to comp their entrees and get them out of there. The guests signed their bill and were allowed to remain on property. No further action was taken. The following day, the GM made a joke about the incident with the groper, and I was very straightforward about clarifying that it was sexual assault. I was met with eye rolls. Today when I arrived at work I was called into the office and told that I’m being sent home today and for my next scheduled shift because I have a poor attitude and it’s hard for management to work with me. I feel as though I am being retaliated against for calling a sexual assault out for what it is. Any advice would be very helpful. I have been crying for hours and I feel like I was victimized twice over this one incident. | gqvpwvl | gqwl28a | 1,615,707,924 | 1,615,736,139 | 9 | 38 | Well you probably would have needed to call the cops to report this if you wanted to pursue against her legally? It depends what you want to come of this? You could make a police report, tell the police if there are cameras at the restaurant that may have recorded the incident, put the incident in writing to the company, demand an investigation by the company into what happened/the managers’ behavior which may be considered sexual harassment, etc., but they could also fire you, though it sounds like they may be thinking of doing that already, in which case you can file for unemployment and could look into suing for sexual harassment. You could also call around asap to some employment law attorneys in your area for a free short consultation in which they’ll tell you if they think there’s a case they can sue over, and how much it would cost to retain them for that service, etc. | Your employer is legally required to provide you an environment free from sexual harassment whether the perpetrator is a customer or a fellow employee. If this was an isolated incident and the customer is not a regular, there might not have been anything they could do to prevent this, but your employer’s reaction to this is both inappropriate and concerning. As others have suggested, document everything you can and speak with a local employment attorney to review your options. | 0 | 28,215 | 4.222222 |
huk9hq | legaladvice_train | 0.91 | Coworker physically assaulted me at work and HR has done nothing about for a month. [MA] I’m not sure what I should do about the situation, or if this sub is the right one to post on, but let’s see. I could use some direction. I’ve revised the story a bit and withheld names and other identifying info. The incident occurred at the beginning of June. After having a conversation with my boss in the late afternoon after the incident, we both decided that the assault should be reported to HR, and so I filed the complaint the next morning. The assault took place in an office shared by 8 employees. Keep in mind, I am the only woman in a department of 200 men, and I only add this because he would have never touched any other employee. Generally, I have not had a problem with any man at our worksite and I don’t ever feel unwelcome. I am happy at work, and make it a point to make the most of every day - I value my coworkers and treat everyone as I would like to be treated. So imagine my shock when this employee sicks a blow to the back of my head. The employee is “untouchable”, as in, he’s the best man we have on the floor (almost a supervisor) and he’s gotten away with many things in the past. He looks down upon others but will chat you up like you’re important to him. He likes to sound smarter than he really is. He mingles with upper management so he is well liked and well-received by them. He is my superior. This is important to note. Unprovoked and out of the blue, he comes into the office and, seeing that I was reading a book on my lunch break, smacks me in the back of the head, causing my glasses to fall from my face and onto my desk. It was a hard blow to the head, and throbbed some time later. Absolutely irate, I turned to face the offending employee with tears in my eyes as four of my office coworkers erupted in laughter at my expense. I didn’t think what the employee had done was funny in the slightest. I couldn’t believe he had done such a stupid thing, someone with his level of seniority and intelligence. I was shocked and angry. Through tears, I made it clear that I didn’t find the situation funny. The employee that hit me laughed at my response, as if the ordeal had been in good fun, and said “it was just a joke”. Keep in mind, we are all approaching our thirties and he is in his forties... really? He offered a pitiful apology and left the office while I sat there, astonished. I faced the laughing coworkers and said, "I am glad that you all found that funny," to which they ignored me and went right back to working. After the incident, I was very visibly troubled and upset. I feel completely disrespected and unhappy, so much so that I was unable to sleep at night and have cried in the arms of my significant other. I have had to visit a therapist to process what has happened as I have an anxiety disorder and this has thrown me into a state of perpetual panic. I think, above all else, I’m taken aback by the lack of sympathy - upon seeing how upset I was, the employee did not take my concern seriously. I was hit, and hard - with enough force to smack the glasses off of my face. Please bear in mind that this is not the first time this employee has hurt me “in good fun”. We’ve had issues in the past with him flicking the back of my head as I’m working at my desk or clapping extremely loud near my ears to startle me, as a joke I presume. These “jokes” eventually stopped when I asked him to back off. Because he stopped, I didn’t report the incidents to HR and figured we could just move past them like adults. He’s also, as I’ve mentioned, really well liked by the managers, so I didn’t want to be “that employee” that makes HR complaints. After an initial call with an HR rep from corporate, I haven’t heard a word in many weeks. Nothing. They said they were going to investigate and asked me what the outcome should be, and I said I wanted the employee terminated. Each meeting the HR rep schedules with me, she cancels and plans again for a later date. She’s done this 5 times now... citing that she is busy and can’t speak to me sooner. I sent an email to the HR manager saying that I wanted to reach out and discuss my concerns involving the incident and that I am concerned about HR’s lack of communication with me regarding such a sensitive matter. I said that I have messages that haven’t been responded to and I am deeply unsatisfied. I mentioned that I had to leave the workplace due to a panic attack on (date) and spent the remaining day in a state of paralyzing anxiety. As politely as I could, I explained that employees of the past have been terminated over lesser infractions, so I do not think it’s wrong that I feel unhappy about my company’s inaction. Towards the end of the email, I said that I only want to feel safe at work, and I believe - given the severity of the situation - that the employee should be terminated for violating workplace policies and harming me. Of course, I said everything as professionally as I could whilst holding back emotion. But alas, I’ve heard nothing back in days now. What can I do to close this situation, if anything? I’d like to speed up the process but at this point, I wish I had filed a police report. Maybe then they would take this seriously. I worry they will find a reason to release me from employment because I filed a report against the company’s “Golden boy”, and I’m feeling a bit defeated. They may fire me “for performance” or something of the sort... a gut feeling. Thank you guys. | fynw7kh | fynl0qu | 1,595,256,724 | 1,595,250,052 | 126 | 100 | Not a lawyer. The statute of limitations on assault in Florida is 4 year. You're well within your rights to press charges. I am in HR. You should still file a police report. They should be taking this more seriously than they are. It's their job to settle disputes between employees quickly. They can be quiet about it, but they should still have done something about it by now. The fact that they admit that they've done nothing because they're busy is a problem. | Next time someone hits you, call the police to report the assault. | 1 | 6,672 | 1.26 |
huk9hq | legaladvice_train | 0.91 | Coworker physically assaulted me at work and HR has done nothing about for a month. [MA] I’m not sure what I should do about the situation, or if this sub is the right one to post on, but let’s see. I could use some direction. I’ve revised the story a bit and withheld names and other identifying info. The incident occurred at the beginning of June. After having a conversation with my boss in the late afternoon after the incident, we both decided that the assault should be reported to HR, and so I filed the complaint the next morning. The assault took place in an office shared by 8 employees. Keep in mind, I am the only woman in a department of 200 men, and I only add this because he would have never touched any other employee. Generally, I have not had a problem with any man at our worksite and I don’t ever feel unwelcome. I am happy at work, and make it a point to make the most of every day - I value my coworkers and treat everyone as I would like to be treated. So imagine my shock when this employee sicks a blow to the back of my head. The employee is “untouchable”, as in, he’s the best man we have on the floor (almost a supervisor) and he’s gotten away with many things in the past. He looks down upon others but will chat you up like you’re important to him. He likes to sound smarter than he really is. He mingles with upper management so he is well liked and well-received by them. He is my superior. This is important to note. Unprovoked and out of the blue, he comes into the office and, seeing that I was reading a book on my lunch break, smacks me in the back of the head, causing my glasses to fall from my face and onto my desk. It was a hard blow to the head, and throbbed some time later. Absolutely irate, I turned to face the offending employee with tears in my eyes as four of my office coworkers erupted in laughter at my expense. I didn’t think what the employee had done was funny in the slightest. I couldn’t believe he had done such a stupid thing, someone with his level of seniority and intelligence. I was shocked and angry. Through tears, I made it clear that I didn’t find the situation funny. The employee that hit me laughed at my response, as if the ordeal had been in good fun, and said “it was just a joke”. Keep in mind, we are all approaching our thirties and he is in his forties... really? He offered a pitiful apology and left the office while I sat there, astonished. I faced the laughing coworkers and said, "I am glad that you all found that funny," to which they ignored me and went right back to working. After the incident, I was very visibly troubled and upset. I feel completely disrespected and unhappy, so much so that I was unable to sleep at night and have cried in the arms of my significant other. I have had to visit a therapist to process what has happened as I have an anxiety disorder and this has thrown me into a state of perpetual panic. I think, above all else, I’m taken aback by the lack of sympathy - upon seeing how upset I was, the employee did not take my concern seriously. I was hit, and hard - with enough force to smack the glasses off of my face. Please bear in mind that this is not the first time this employee has hurt me “in good fun”. We’ve had issues in the past with him flicking the back of my head as I’m working at my desk or clapping extremely loud near my ears to startle me, as a joke I presume. These “jokes” eventually stopped when I asked him to back off. Because he stopped, I didn’t report the incidents to HR and figured we could just move past them like adults. He’s also, as I’ve mentioned, really well liked by the managers, so I didn’t want to be “that employee” that makes HR complaints. After an initial call with an HR rep from corporate, I haven’t heard a word in many weeks. Nothing. They said they were going to investigate and asked me what the outcome should be, and I said I wanted the employee terminated. Each meeting the HR rep schedules with me, she cancels and plans again for a later date. She’s done this 5 times now... citing that she is busy and can’t speak to me sooner. I sent an email to the HR manager saying that I wanted to reach out and discuss my concerns involving the incident and that I am concerned about HR’s lack of communication with me regarding such a sensitive matter. I said that I have messages that haven’t been responded to and I am deeply unsatisfied. I mentioned that I had to leave the workplace due to a panic attack on (date) and spent the remaining day in a state of paralyzing anxiety. As politely as I could, I explained that employees of the past have been terminated over lesser infractions, so I do not think it’s wrong that I feel unhappy about my company’s inaction. Towards the end of the email, I said that I only want to feel safe at work, and I believe - given the severity of the situation - that the employee should be terminated for violating workplace policies and harming me. Of course, I said everything as professionally as I could whilst holding back emotion. But alas, I’ve heard nothing back in days now. What can I do to close this situation, if anything? I’d like to speed up the process but at this point, I wish I had filed a police report. Maybe then they would take this seriously. I worry they will find a reason to release me from employment because I filed a report against the company’s “Golden boy”, and I’m feeling a bit defeated. They may fire me “for performance” or something of the sort... a gut feeling. Thank you guys. | fynjopq | fynw7kh | 1,595,249,108 | 1,595,256,724 | 58 | 126 | Your employer owes you a safe workspace. Your employer does *not* owe you any specific outcome with this employee. They’re entitled to handle the matter as they choose to. The employer also does *not* owe you any specific description of how they’ve handled the matter. | Not a lawyer. The statute of limitations on assault in Florida is 4 year. You're well within your rights to press charges. I am in HR. You should still file a police report. They should be taking this more seriously than they are. It's their job to settle disputes between employees quickly. They can be quiet about it, but they should still have done something about it by now. The fact that they admit that they've done nothing because they're busy is a problem. | 0 | 7,616 | 2.172414 |
huk9hq | legaladvice_train | 0.91 | Coworker physically assaulted me at work and HR has done nothing about for a month. [MA] I’m not sure what I should do about the situation, or if this sub is the right one to post on, but let’s see. I could use some direction. I’ve revised the story a bit and withheld names and other identifying info. The incident occurred at the beginning of June. After having a conversation with my boss in the late afternoon after the incident, we both decided that the assault should be reported to HR, and so I filed the complaint the next morning. The assault took place in an office shared by 8 employees. Keep in mind, I am the only woman in a department of 200 men, and I only add this because he would have never touched any other employee. Generally, I have not had a problem with any man at our worksite and I don’t ever feel unwelcome. I am happy at work, and make it a point to make the most of every day - I value my coworkers and treat everyone as I would like to be treated. So imagine my shock when this employee sicks a blow to the back of my head. The employee is “untouchable”, as in, he’s the best man we have on the floor (almost a supervisor) and he’s gotten away with many things in the past. He looks down upon others but will chat you up like you’re important to him. He likes to sound smarter than he really is. He mingles with upper management so he is well liked and well-received by them. He is my superior. This is important to note. Unprovoked and out of the blue, he comes into the office and, seeing that I was reading a book on my lunch break, smacks me in the back of the head, causing my glasses to fall from my face and onto my desk. It was a hard blow to the head, and throbbed some time later. Absolutely irate, I turned to face the offending employee with tears in my eyes as four of my office coworkers erupted in laughter at my expense. I didn’t think what the employee had done was funny in the slightest. I couldn’t believe he had done such a stupid thing, someone with his level of seniority and intelligence. I was shocked and angry. Through tears, I made it clear that I didn’t find the situation funny. The employee that hit me laughed at my response, as if the ordeal had been in good fun, and said “it was just a joke”. Keep in mind, we are all approaching our thirties and he is in his forties... really? He offered a pitiful apology and left the office while I sat there, astonished. I faced the laughing coworkers and said, "I am glad that you all found that funny," to which they ignored me and went right back to working. After the incident, I was very visibly troubled and upset. I feel completely disrespected and unhappy, so much so that I was unable to sleep at night and have cried in the arms of my significant other. I have had to visit a therapist to process what has happened as I have an anxiety disorder and this has thrown me into a state of perpetual panic. I think, above all else, I’m taken aback by the lack of sympathy - upon seeing how upset I was, the employee did not take my concern seriously. I was hit, and hard - with enough force to smack the glasses off of my face. Please bear in mind that this is not the first time this employee has hurt me “in good fun”. We’ve had issues in the past with him flicking the back of my head as I’m working at my desk or clapping extremely loud near my ears to startle me, as a joke I presume. These “jokes” eventually stopped when I asked him to back off. Because he stopped, I didn’t report the incidents to HR and figured we could just move past them like adults. He’s also, as I’ve mentioned, really well liked by the managers, so I didn’t want to be “that employee” that makes HR complaints. After an initial call with an HR rep from corporate, I haven’t heard a word in many weeks. Nothing. They said they were going to investigate and asked me what the outcome should be, and I said I wanted the employee terminated. Each meeting the HR rep schedules with me, she cancels and plans again for a later date. She’s done this 5 times now... citing that she is busy and can’t speak to me sooner. I sent an email to the HR manager saying that I wanted to reach out and discuss my concerns involving the incident and that I am concerned about HR’s lack of communication with me regarding such a sensitive matter. I said that I have messages that haven’t been responded to and I am deeply unsatisfied. I mentioned that I had to leave the workplace due to a panic attack on (date) and spent the remaining day in a state of paralyzing anxiety. As politely as I could, I explained that employees of the past have been terminated over lesser infractions, so I do not think it’s wrong that I feel unhappy about my company’s inaction. Towards the end of the email, I said that I only want to feel safe at work, and I believe - given the severity of the situation - that the employee should be terminated for violating workplace policies and harming me. Of course, I said everything as professionally as I could whilst holding back emotion. But alas, I’ve heard nothing back in days now. What can I do to close this situation, if anything? I’d like to speed up the process but at this point, I wish I had filed a police report. Maybe then they would take this seriously. I worry they will find a reason to release me from employment because I filed a report against the company’s “Golden boy”, and I’m feeling a bit defeated. They may fire me “for performance” or something of the sort... a gut feeling. Thank you guys. | fynw7kh | fynlefc | 1,595,256,724 | 1,595,250,315 | 126 | 49 | Not a lawyer. The statute of limitations on assault in Florida is 4 year. You're well within your rights to press charges. I am in HR. You should still file a police report. They should be taking this more seriously than they are. It's their job to settle disputes between employees quickly. They can be quiet about it, but they should still have done something about it by now. The fact that they admit that they've done nothing because they're busy is a problem. | He committed assault against you, a criminal act. The police are the people to report assault to. He is not untouchable to the police. | 1 | 6,409 | 2.571429 |
huk9hq | legaladvice_train | 0.91 | Coworker physically assaulted me at work and HR has done nothing about for a month. [MA] I’m not sure what I should do about the situation, or if this sub is the right one to post on, but let’s see. I could use some direction. I’ve revised the story a bit and withheld names and other identifying info. The incident occurred at the beginning of June. After having a conversation with my boss in the late afternoon after the incident, we both decided that the assault should be reported to HR, and so I filed the complaint the next morning. The assault took place in an office shared by 8 employees. Keep in mind, I am the only woman in a department of 200 men, and I only add this because he would have never touched any other employee. Generally, I have not had a problem with any man at our worksite and I don’t ever feel unwelcome. I am happy at work, and make it a point to make the most of every day - I value my coworkers and treat everyone as I would like to be treated. So imagine my shock when this employee sicks a blow to the back of my head. The employee is “untouchable”, as in, he’s the best man we have on the floor (almost a supervisor) and he’s gotten away with many things in the past. He looks down upon others but will chat you up like you’re important to him. He likes to sound smarter than he really is. He mingles with upper management so he is well liked and well-received by them. He is my superior. This is important to note. Unprovoked and out of the blue, he comes into the office and, seeing that I was reading a book on my lunch break, smacks me in the back of the head, causing my glasses to fall from my face and onto my desk. It was a hard blow to the head, and throbbed some time later. Absolutely irate, I turned to face the offending employee with tears in my eyes as four of my office coworkers erupted in laughter at my expense. I didn’t think what the employee had done was funny in the slightest. I couldn’t believe he had done such a stupid thing, someone with his level of seniority and intelligence. I was shocked and angry. Through tears, I made it clear that I didn’t find the situation funny. The employee that hit me laughed at my response, as if the ordeal had been in good fun, and said “it was just a joke”. Keep in mind, we are all approaching our thirties and he is in his forties... really? He offered a pitiful apology and left the office while I sat there, astonished. I faced the laughing coworkers and said, "I am glad that you all found that funny," to which they ignored me and went right back to working. After the incident, I was very visibly troubled and upset. I feel completely disrespected and unhappy, so much so that I was unable to sleep at night and have cried in the arms of my significant other. I have had to visit a therapist to process what has happened as I have an anxiety disorder and this has thrown me into a state of perpetual panic. I think, above all else, I’m taken aback by the lack of sympathy - upon seeing how upset I was, the employee did not take my concern seriously. I was hit, and hard - with enough force to smack the glasses off of my face. Please bear in mind that this is not the first time this employee has hurt me “in good fun”. We’ve had issues in the past with him flicking the back of my head as I’m working at my desk or clapping extremely loud near my ears to startle me, as a joke I presume. These “jokes” eventually stopped when I asked him to back off. Because he stopped, I didn’t report the incidents to HR and figured we could just move past them like adults. He’s also, as I’ve mentioned, really well liked by the managers, so I didn’t want to be “that employee” that makes HR complaints. After an initial call with an HR rep from corporate, I haven’t heard a word in many weeks. Nothing. They said they were going to investigate and asked me what the outcome should be, and I said I wanted the employee terminated. Each meeting the HR rep schedules with me, she cancels and plans again for a later date. She’s done this 5 times now... citing that she is busy and can’t speak to me sooner. I sent an email to the HR manager saying that I wanted to reach out and discuss my concerns involving the incident and that I am concerned about HR’s lack of communication with me regarding such a sensitive matter. I said that I have messages that haven’t been responded to and I am deeply unsatisfied. I mentioned that I had to leave the workplace due to a panic attack on (date) and spent the remaining day in a state of paralyzing anxiety. As politely as I could, I explained that employees of the past have been terminated over lesser infractions, so I do not think it’s wrong that I feel unhappy about my company’s inaction. Towards the end of the email, I said that I only want to feel safe at work, and I believe - given the severity of the situation - that the employee should be terminated for violating workplace policies and harming me. Of course, I said everything as professionally as I could whilst holding back emotion. But alas, I’ve heard nothing back in days now. What can I do to close this situation, if anything? I’d like to speed up the process but at this point, I wish I had filed a police report. Maybe then they would take this seriously. I worry they will find a reason to release me from employment because I filed a report against the company’s “Golden boy”, and I’m feeling a bit defeated. They may fire me “for performance” or something of the sort... a gut feeling. Thank you guys. | fynl0qu | fynjopq | 1,595,250,052 | 1,595,249,108 | 100 | 58 | Next time someone hits you, call the police to report the assault. | Your employer owes you a safe workspace. Your employer does *not* owe you any specific outcome with this employee. They’re entitled to handle the matter as they choose to. The employer also does *not* owe you any specific description of how they’ve handled the matter. | 1 | 944 | 1.724138 |
huk9hq | legaladvice_train | 0.91 | Coworker physically assaulted me at work and HR has done nothing about for a month. [MA] I’m not sure what I should do about the situation, or if this sub is the right one to post on, but let’s see. I could use some direction. I’ve revised the story a bit and withheld names and other identifying info. The incident occurred at the beginning of June. After having a conversation with my boss in the late afternoon after the incident, we both decided that the assault should be reported to HR, and so I filed the complaint the next morning. The assault took place in an office shared by 8 employees. Keep in mind, I am the only woman in a department of 200 men, and I only add this because he would have never touched any other employee. Generally, I have not had a problem with any man at our worksite and I don’t ever feel unwelcome. I am happy at work, and make it a point to make the most of every day - I value my coworkers and treat everyone as I would like to be treated. So imagine my shock when this employee sicks a blow to the back of my head. The employee is “untouchable”, as in, he’s the best man we have on the floor (almost a supervisor) and he’s gotten away with many things in the past. He looks down upon others but will chat you up like you’re important to him. He likes to sound smarter than he really is. He mingles with upper management so he is well liked and well-received by them. He is my superior. This is important to note. Unprovoked and out of the blue, he comes into the office and, seeing that I was reading a book on my lunch break, smacks me in the back of the head, causing my glasses to fall from my face and onto my desk. It was a hard blow to the head, and throbbed some time later. Absolutely irate, I turned to face the offending employee with tears in my eyes as four of my office coworkers erupted in laughter at my expense. I didn’t think what the employee had done was funny in the slightest. I couldn’t believe he had done such a stupid thing, someone with his level of seniority and intelligence. I was shocked and angry. Through tears, I made it clear that I didn’t find the situation funny. The employee that hit me laughed at my response, as if the ordeal had been in good fun, and said “it was just a joke”. Keep in mind, we are all approaching our thirties and he is in his forties... really? He offered a pitiful apology and left the office while I sat there, astonished. I faced the laughing coworkers and said, "I am glad that you all found that funny," to which they ignored me and went right back to working. After the incident, I was very visibly troubled and upset. I feel completely disrespected and unhappy, so much so that I was unable to sleep at night and have cried in the arms of my significant other. I have had to visit a therapist to process what has happened as I have an anxiety disorder and this has thrown me into a state of perpetual panic. I think, above all else, I’m taken aback by the lack of sympathy - upon seeing how upset I was, the employee did not take my concern seriously. I was hit, and hard - with enough force to smack the glasses off of my face. Please bear in mind that this is not the first time this employee has hurt me “in good fun”. We’ve had issues in the past with him flicking the back of my head as I’m working at my desk or clapping extremely loud near my ears to startle me, as a joke I presume. These “jokes” eventually stopped when I asked him to back off. Because he stopped, I didn’t report the incidents to HR and figured we could just move past them like adults. He’s also, as I’ve mentioned, really well liked by the managers, so I didn’t want to be “that employee” that makes HR complaints. After an initial call with an HR rep from corporate, I haven’t heard a word in many weeks. Nothing. They said they were going to investigate and asked me what the outcome should be, and I said I wanted the employee terminated. Each meeting the HR rep schedules with me, she cancels and plans again for a later date. She’s done this 5 times now... citing that she is busy and can’t speak to me sooner. I sent an email to the HR manager saying that I wanted to reach out and discuss my concerns involving the incident and that I am concerned about HR’s lack of communication with me regarding such a sensitive matter. I said that I have messages that haven’t been responded to and I am deeply unsatisfied. I mentioned that I had to leave the workplace due to a panic attack on (date) and spent the remaining day in a state of paralyzing anxiety. As politely as I could, I explained that employees of the past have been terminated over lesser infractions, so I do not think it’s wrong that I feel unhappy about my company’s inaction. Towards the end of the email, I said that I only want to feel safe at work, and I believe - given the severity of the situation - that the employee should be terminated for violating workplace policies and harming me. Of course, I said everything as professionally as I could whilst holding back emotion. But alas, I’ve heard nothing back in days now. What can I do to close this situation, if anything? I’d like to speed up the process but at this point, I wish I had filed a police report. Maybe then they would take this seriously. I worry they will find a reason to release me from employment because I filed a report against the company’s “Golden boy”, and I’m feeling a bit defeated. They may fire me “for performance” or something of the sort... a gut feeling. Thank you guys. | fyo5ek5 | fyo1rai | 1,595,261,441 | 1,595,259,612 | 13 | 6 | I'd say get ahold of a lawyer so you can sue the shit out of the company and that prick. I'm sure that they're planning on terminating you instead of him. | The employer is not required to tell you the outcome of the investigation, they ARE required to stop the bad behavior. They are not required to terminate him although they now have at least one example of him acting inappropriately.....The issue is that you didn't report the other incidents so they can really only work off of this one. And I agree it was 100% worth reporting. Unfortunately I would have suggested you ask not to have to work directly or communicate with him. I'm not sure that a police report will cause the employer to do anything more if they can prove that they have fixed the issue and if doesn't happen again. And honestly I suspect it will hurt your place more than his. And I'm not sure that a DA would even press charges..... Has he done ANYTHING since your complaint that has made you uncomfortable? If so, bring that back to HR. Yes, it would be best business practice for HR to circle back to you, but what exactly do you think they can tell you that would satisfy you? Sounds like the only thing is his termination, which doesn't sound like is going to happen, especially on a first time complaint. I am sorry that he's a jerk. I am sorry that HR doesn't seem to be getting back to you, but generally they won't discuss his discipline with you at all (just as you wouldn't want them discussing yours). | 1 | 1,829 | 2.166667 |
huk9hq | legaladvice_train | 0.91 | Coworker physically assaulted me at work and HR has done nothing about for a month. [MA] I’m not sure what I should do about the situation, or if this sub is the right one to post on, but let’s see. I could use some direction. I’ve revised the story a bit and withheld names and other identifying info. The incident occurred at the beginning of June. After having a conversation with my boss in the late afternoon after the incident, we both decided that the assault should be reported to HR, and so I filed the complaint the next morning. The assault took place in an office shared by 8 employees. Keep in mind, I am the only woman in a department of 200 men, and I only add this because he would have never touched any other employee. Generally, I have not had a problem with any man at our worksite and I don’t ever feel unwelcome. I am happy at work, and make it a point to make the most of every day - I value my coworkers and treat everyone as I would like to be treated. So imagine my shock when this employee sicks a blow to the back of my head. The employee is “untouchable”, as in, he’s the best man we have on the floor (almost a supervisor) and he’s gotten away with many things in the past. He looks down upon others but will chat you up like you’re important to him. He likes to sound smarter than he really is. He mingles with upper management so he is well liked and well-received by them. He is my superior. This is important to note. Unprovoked and out of the blue, he comes into the office and, seeing that I was reading a book on my lunch break, smacks me in the back of the head, causing my glasses to fall from my face and onto my desk. It was a hard blow to the head, and throbbed some time later. Absolutely irate, I turned to face the offending employee with tears in my eyes as four of my office coworkers erupted in laughter at my expense. I didn’t think what the employee had done was funny in the slightest. I couldn’t believe he had done such a stupid thing, someone with his level of seniority and intelligence. I was shocked and angry. Through tears, I made it clear that I didn’t find the situation funny. The employee that hit me laughed at my response, as if the ordeal had been in good fun, and said “it was just a joke”. Keep in mind, we are all approaching our thirties and he is in his forties... really? He offered a pitiful apology and left the office while I sat there, astonished. I faced the laughing coworkers and said, "I am glad that you all found that funny," to which they ignored me and went right back to working. After the incident, I was very visibly troubled and upset. I feel completely disrespected and unhappy, so much so that I was unable to sleep at night and have cried in the arms of my significant other. I have had to visit a therapist to process what has happened as I have an anxiety disorder and this has thrown me into a state of perpetual panic. I think, above all else, I’m taken aback by the lack of sympathy - upon seeing how upset I was, the employee did not take my concern seriously. I was hit, and hard - with enough force to smack the glasses off of my face. Please bear in mind that this is not the first time this employee has hurt me “in good fun”. We’ve had issues in the past with him flicking the back of my head as I’m working at my desk or clapping extremely loud near my ears to startle me, as a joke I presume. These “jokes” eventually stopped when I asked him to back off. Because he stopped, I didn’t report the incidents to HR and figured we could just move past them like adults. He’s also, as I’ve mentioned, really well liked by the managers, so I didn’t want to be “that employee” that makes HR complaints. After an initial call with an HR rep from corporate, I haven’t heard a word in many weeks. Nothing. They said they were going to investigate and asked me what the outcome should be, and I said I wanted the employee terminated. Each meeting the HR rep schedules with me, she cancels and plans again for a later date. She’s done this 5 times now... citing that she is busy and can’t speak to me sooner. I sent an email to the HR manager saying that I wanted to reach out and discuss my concerns involving the incident and that I am concerned about HR’s lack of communication with me regarding such a sensitive matter. I said that I have messages that haven’t been responded to and I am deeply unsatisfied. I mentioned that I had to leave the workplace due to a panic attack on (date) and spent the remaining day in a state of paralyzing anxiety. As politely as I could, I explained that employees of the past have been terminated over lesser infractions, so I do not think it’s wrong that I feel unhappy about my company’s inaction. Towards the end of the email, I said that I only want to feel safe at work, and I believe - given the severity of the situation - that the employee should be terminated for violating workplace policies and harming me. Of course, I said everything as professionally as I could whilst holding back emotion. But alas, I’ve heard nothing back in days now. What can I do to close this situation, if anything? I’d like to speed up the process but at this point, I wish I had filed a police report. Maybe then they would take this seriously. I worry they will find a reason to release me from employment because I filed a report against the company’s “Golden boy”, and I’m feeling a bit defeated. They may fire me “for performance” or something of the sort... a gut feeling. Thank you guys. | fyq5391 | fypg4f2 | 1,595,298,295 | 1,595,284,284 | 4 | 3 | HR is hoping you’ll go away and not pursue this incident. File a workers compensation claim, you were injured at work and as a result have experienced anxiety and have sought medical ( therapist) treatment. The company will be forced to respond to the workers compensation claim. The behavior of this senior employee is a serious liability for the company. | Police report, request a restraining order. Talk to HR about the company liability for failing to take appropriate action to ensure you a safe workplace. | 1 | 14,011 | 1.333333 |
1ftr9p | legaladvice_train | 0.83 | I have been emotionally abused at work for over a year now, but today I was physically assaulted. My employer threatens to fire me unless I drop the protective order against the coworker who assaulted me. (Virginia) This has been going on since day 1 on the job. Beth (the one who assaulted me) has been rude and pushy, demeaning everything I do, calling me names (cunt, bitch, nappy-headed cow etc...), talking about me to my coworkers. I've been isolated and I'm alone. My family says I come home from work sad daily. I feel like everyone is just talking about me behind my back everyday at work and I'm constantly watching my back and keeping my eyes to the ground. Beth is the groomer at the animal clinic where I work and has been for 12 years where as I've been there for 1. She brings in quite a bit of money for the clinic. For some reason she's got it out for me. There have been several verbal altercations that were immediately reported to my boss (the owner of the clinic) by me. Whether by text message or by phone. My boss always says she'll talk to Beth but nothing ever happens long term. She does talk to Beth but it doesn't do any good and actually seems to make things worse. Today was a normal day, the boss was having a day off and I was going about my business like usual, me and the receptionist got lunch. I noticed that it was noon and the sick kittens that Beth had brought in a couple weeks previously had not been fed or had water the entire day. Their cages were filthy and no one had done anything for them. It's not my responsibility to care for the animals that other employees bring in, it's that employees responsibility. It's not my responsibility period to care for the clinic cats or any boarding animals, only hospitalized patients. Another employee spoke to Beth about why the kittens weren't cared for and Beth replied to that employee "Well where the hell is Oliveshmolive?" Implying it was my job to take care of them. Despite this, I got to it anyway because not doing it out of principle would mean the kittens went hungry and thirsty and sitting in their own filth. I did however text my employer to let her know that Beth was not doing her job. A short time later, I was in the lab cleaning up a fecal test and I see Beth come stomping towards me, slamming the door. She cornered me in the lab and starts cursing me, telling me it's not her fucking job to take care of the kittens, I took care of them and I'm a fucking bitch for telling the boss she wasn't doing her job, calling me a know it all cunt and sloppy cow and a fat bitch etc... I replied "You're not doing your fucking job" and she yells at me "I'm the fucking groomer it's not my job to take care of the animals." I told her that if she brought them in their her responsibility. I don't know what she said here but after quite some times of abuse I eventually said "Why are you such a bitch?" and her face is so close to mine she's spitting in my mouth as she yells at me. Then she bucks at me and I back up against the counter and she pushes me by my shoulders. I immediately took out my phone and dialed 911, I told the operator all that had happened. While I'm on the phone she's saying she wished I would hit her so she could beat my ugly face in. All of the other employees claimed to not have seen her push me, they're her friends after all so why would they admit to seeing it. When the police arrived, I was out back smoking with another employee. I don't normally smoke but I was very shaken. The police took my side of the story and then went and took her side of the story. Since no one admitted to seeing it there was nothing they could do but they told me if I wanted to I could file criminal charges with the magistrate. I was told by them to leave work, despite me not causing the incident. I have the feeling they didn't believe me. I went to the magistrates office and filed a criminal report and was awarded an emergency order of protection and a warrant was put out to serve Beth with assault charges. My employer later contacted me by phone. It was a 30 minute conversation and I don't remember what she said verbatim but the gist of the conversation was that if I wasn't to come back to work until the protective order was gone, that I'm not as valuable of an employee as Beth, I was obviously overly sensitive about people talking about me because of something that happened to me in childhood (which we have never even talked about), and that I would be fired if I refused to drop the protective order. I told her that if she were to fire me, I would be taking legal action against the clinic as whole. I have an interview at another vet clinic tomorrow afternoon and if I'm offered the position, I intend to take the offer and not give a two weeks notice to my current employer. Regardless of the amount they offer me, it's not about money anymore. It's about my mental well being. I feel terrible about myself and my self esteem has suffered huge blows due to my treatment at work. I was diagnosed with depression as a teenager and have been on medication since, which has always been fine but my depression has severely worsened since working there. I intended to leave the clinic I'm at anyway but I didn't want it to happen like this, I was going to quietly give my two weeks when I found a suitable position and be done with it but that's become impossible in light of recent events. My questions are: Do I have grounds to take legal action upon my termination? Do I have grounds to take legal action if I quit, since I'm quitting to leave a hostile work environment? Am I making a bad decision by pursuing the assault charges? What would any of you do in my situation? Thanks in advance for any replies. I plan on consulting with an employment attorney asap but I want to be prepared and I want to know if it's even worth it to pursue this. | cadra6o | cadr99h | 1,370,567,726 | 1,370,567,656 | 25 | 7 | You want to contact the Virginia Department of Labor because what you describe is workplace harrassment. Additionally you can contact the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission because it appears that the owner of the facility would be held liable for the harassment for failing to remedy the situation when they had the power to do so. *Edit because I forgot to add something important. I am not familiar with how the Virginia DoL operates, but if you contact the EEOC they will investigate your case and if they feel there was a violation of federal labor laws, prosecute your case for you. Awards can include reinstatement of your employment, cash awards, and if you take the other job because of the harassment at your current employer and it pays less, the owner can be required to make up the difference due to their negligence. | One thing that makes me wonder, because it can escalate things, is: is there a racial difference between "Beth" and yourself? Between you and your boss/the majority of the clinic? Just something that came to mind, reading your story. But nobody should have to work with someone who runs you down like that. It puts your whole life on the verge of a panic attack, because the second you leave at the end of the day, you count down until you have to be back. | 1 | 70 | 3.571429 |
wb4ffw | legaladvice_train | 0.83 | Physically and mentally abusive ex sexually assaulted me when I told him I was pregnant I broke up with my ex about 8 weeks ago. He would grab me or hold me down during arguments and I have pictures of my arm bruises and a voice memo of him confessing to it. I tried to break up with him multiple times but he would destroy my property everytime I did. 3 weeks ago I found out I was pregnant and went to tell him to figure things out. He took this as an opportunity to try to have sex with me. I told him no multiple times and to get off me. I tried to leave and he carried me to the bed and sexually assaulted me until he “got off”. When I rushed to leave he told me if I left he would tell my family about the pregnancy. I left and he still messaged my mom about it. I’m trying to figure out what to do. My friends keep telling me to file a police report but I don’t want to go through the process of a trial bc I can’t afford it and I don’t want to see him again. I know I need to do something but I need advice on what the best move is. | ii4gbjv | ii4gyoc | 1,659,100,390 | 1,659,100,687 | 31 | 81 | I'm very sorry this happened to you. I don't understand your point about not wanting to go through a trial, though. What do you mean you cannot afford it? A criminal trial would cost you nothing. Also what state are you in? There may be resources available to you as a crime victim. | I'm so sorry this happened to you, and I hope you're safe now. >My friends keep telling me to file a police report but I don’t want to go through the process of a trial bc I can’t afford it As the victim, it won't cost you any money. The state will decide whether or not to charge him and move forward with prosecution if so. However, it cannot be downplayed that it could be very difficult on your mental health and I totally understand that concern. RAINN has some great resources for survivors of assault, and the National Domestic Violence hotline has a bunch of local resources that you can use as well. That may be what you want to look into first. They will be location specific, and your specific state/city may have more robust services for victims. Do not let anyone tell you what you *have to* do. The only right thing to do is the right thing for yourself. Certainly reporting him to the police and having him possibly be charged and held accountable for the crimes he committed could be helpful, and he would definitely deserve the repercussions. But if it would be too difficult for you, that is totally understandable. Resources like RAINN and the DVH will be able to give you resources to discuss all of your options. You should look into a domestic violence restraining order if he's still contacting you and your family after you left. You should also look into a safety plan. I wish you all the best. | 0 | 297 | 2.612903 |
wb4ffw | legaladvice_train | 0.83 | Physically and mentally abusive ex sexually assaulted me when I told him I was pregnant I broke up with my ex about 8 weeks ago. He would grab me or hold me down during arguments and I have pictures of my arm bruises and a voice memo of him confessing to it. I tried to break up with him multiple times but he would destroy my property everytime I did. 3 weeks ago I found out I was pregnant and went to tell him to figure things out. He took this as an opportunity to try to have sex with me. I told him no multiple times and to get off me. I tried to leave and he carried me to the bed and sexually assaulted me until he “got off”. When I rushed to leave he told me if I left he would tell my family about the pregnancy. I left and he still messaged my mom about it. I’m trying to figure out what to do. My friends keep telling me to file a police report but I don’t want to go through the process of a trial bc I can’t afford it and I don’t want to see him again. I know I need to do something but I need advice on what the best move is. | ii5evk5 | ii58wf3 | 1,659,114,211 | 1,659,111,922 | 11 | 10 | The victim never has to pay anything for the trial. The government pays for the prosecution, not you. If you do have any small incidental expenses associated with the trial (taking an unpaid day off work, parking at the court house, etc.) there are often funds available to compensate crime victims. I’m assuming you don’t want to have to share custody with your rapist? If you have this baby, holding him accountable for his crime is likely the only way you might conceivably avoid having to see him regularly for the next 18 years. | Go to a DV shelter. Even if you have a place to live, they can help secure that place, get a restraining order, and give some free legal advice if you decide to keep the pregnancy. Tell your family what he did. Abusers can kill you especially when you leaving them. Make sure you are safe, filling a police report would help. | 1 | 2,289 | 1.1 |
9t4514 | legaladvice_train | 0.99 | Abusive ex-boyfriend is threatening to sue over a joke I told about him at an open mic [California] A few years ago I was in an extremely abusive relationship. ​ I am not a professional comedian, I don't make money from this (sometimes I get free drinks or something) and I have a day job that I'm not looking to quit. This is just a hobby. I go to open mic nights and tell jokes for fun. It's hard to explain this joke exactly without totally identifying myself which I don't want to do, but it's a pretty dark story about this fucked up thing my ex did to me once. Although it's not a funny situation, the way I tell it is pretty funny and it gets a big laugh. I do NOT use his name or any identifying info about him at any point. We live in a very large city, it's not like everyone automatically knows who I'm talking about. I'm not famous or anything. ​ Anyway, an acquaintance of mine recorded me telling this joke and put it on snapchat, and she apparently also knows him. This acquaintance did not send it to him directly or anything, and didn't even know he was the person I was talking about or that he and I knew each other. Total coincidence. ​ He saw it on snapchat, and sent her a lot of messages demanding to know where this was and what else I said about him. She told him the bar we were at at first, but he kept pressing for more details and made her uncomfortable so she blocked him and let me know what happened, and apologized profusely for letting him know what bar (we go there a lot, but she didn't know better, I'm not mad). ​ My ex DM'd me on Twitter, which is the only form of contacting me I didn't have him blocked on, and told me he was going to sue me for defamation because I am telling lies about him and "committing character assassination." He also sent me a Cease and Desist letter attached in my DMs as a photo, that restated his intent to sue and "compensate for the damages done to \[his\] reputation." Can he do this? First of all, they are NOT lies, this is a true story about a horrible thing that actually happened. But more importantly, I don't use his name. Nobody knew it was about him until he freaked out and told someone. ​ What do I do? (Also, can I keep telling jokes about him?) | e8tnvek | e8tisw6 | 1,541,033,828 | 1,541,028,711 | 2,378 | 542 | You're good. I'd add this into your new set. | Truth is an absolute defense to defamation clams. Furthermore, if he is not identified or identifiable from what you say, his reputational damage doesn't exist. Can he send you a C&D? Yes. Can you ignore it? Yes. Can he sue you? Yes. Can he win? No, it would be extremely unlikely that he would win. | 1 | 5,117 | 4.387454 |
9t4514 | legaladvice_train | 0.99 | Abusive ex-boyfriend is threatening to sue over a joke I told about him at an open mic [California] A few years ago I was in an extremely abusive relationship. ​ I am not a professional comedian, I don't make money from this (sometimes I get free drinks or something) and I have a day job that I'm not looking to quit. This is just a hobby. I go to open mic nights and tell jokes for fun. It's hard to explain this joke exactly without totally identifying myself which I don't want to do, but it's a pretty dark story about this fucked up thing my ex did to me once. Although it's not a funny situation, the way I tell it is pretty funny and it gets a big laugh. I do NOT use his name or any identifying info about him at any point. We live in a very large city, it's not like everyone automatically knows who I'm talking about. I'm not famous or anything. ​ Anyway, an acquaintance of mine recorded me telling this joke and put it on snapchat, and she apparently also knows him. This acquaintance did not send it to him directly or anything, and didn't even know he was the person I was talking about or that he and I knew each other. Total coincidence. ​ He saw it on snapchat, and sent her a lot of messages demanding to know where this was and what else I said about him. She told him the bar we were at at first, but he kept pressing for more details and made her uncomfortable so she blocked him and let me know what happened, and apologized profusely for letting him know what bar (we go there a lot, but she didn't know better, I'm not mad). ​ My ex DM'd me on Twitter, which is the only form of contacting me I didn't have him blocked on, and told me he was going to sue me for defamation because I am telling lies about him and "committing character assassination." He also sent me a Cease and Desist letter attached in my DMs as a photo, that restated his intent to sue and "compensate for the damages done to \[his\] reputation." Can he do this? First of all, they are NOT lies, this is a true story about a horrible thing that actually happened. But more importantly, I don't use his name. Nobody knew it was about him until he freaked out and told someone. ​ What do I do? (Also, can I keep telling jokes about him?) | e8tnvek | e8tj5ns | 1,541,033,828 | 1,541,029,061 | 2,378 | 23 | You're good. I'd add this into your new set. | You're fine. If you really are telling the truth then he doesn't have a basis for legal action. Like everyone always says around here if you get served you need to treat it seriously (lawyer) and respond appropriately. It would probably provide all sorts of good joke premises if he actually does follow through on the threat. Tell him to get bent, block him on twitter and please continue to tell jokes about him if they're funny. Probably best to leave his name out of it though as you have been doing. | 1 | 4,767 | 103.391304 |
9t4514 | legaladvice_train | 0.99 | Abusive ex-boyfriend is threatening to sue over a joke I told about him at an open mic [California] A few years ago I was in an extremely abusive relationship. ​ I am not a professional comedian, I don't make money from this (sometimes I get free drinks or something) and I have a day job that I'm not looking to quit. This is just a hobby. I go to open mic nights and tell jokes for fun. It's hard to explain this joke exactly without totally identifying myself which I don't want to do, but it's a pretty dark story about this fucked up thing my ex did to me once. Although it's not a funny situation, the way I tell it is pretty funny and it gets a big laugh. I do NOT use his name or any identifying info about him at any point. We live in a very large city, it's not like everyone automatically knows who I'm talking about. I'm not famous or anything. ​ Anyway, an acquaintance of mine recorded me telling this joke and put it on snapchat, and she apparently also knows him. This acquaintance did not send it to him directly or anything, and didn't even know he was the person I was talking about or that he and I knew each other. Total coincidence. ​ He saw it on snapchat, and sent her a lot of messages demanding to know where this was and what else I said about him. She told him the bar we were at at first, but he kept pressing for more details and made her uncomfortable so she blocked him and let me know what happened, and apologized profusely for letting him know what bar (we go there a lot, but she didn't know better, I'm not mad). ​ My ex DM'd me on Twitter, which is the only form of contacting me I didn't have him blocked on, and told me he was going to sue me for defamation because I am telling lies about him and "committing character assassination." He also sent me a Cease and Desist letter attached in my DMs as a photo, that restated his intent to sue and "compensate for the damages done to \[his\] reputation." Can he do this? First of all, they are NOT lies, this is a true story about a horrible thing that actually happened. But more importantly, I don't use his name. Nobody knew it was about him until he freaked out and told someone. ​ What do I do? (Also, can I keep telling jokes about him?) | e8ttelj | e8tj5ns | 1,541,039,537 | 1,541,029,061 | 411 | 23 | In the highly unlikely event that he were to file suit, your attorney will ask him "Why do you think that when the public hears the story of {despicable fucked up action} without your name being mentioned, your identity immediately leaps to the forefront of the public's mind?" ...and that will likely be the end of things. In the unlikely even that he were to sue, check with your homeowners or renters insurance. There's a thin possibility that they might provide a lawyer at their expense. | You're fine. If you really are telling the truth then he doesn't have a basis for legal action. Like everyone always says around here if you get served you need to treat it seriously (lawyer) and respond appropriately. It would probably provide all sorts of good joke premises if he actually does follow through on the threat. Tell him to get bent, block him on twitter and please continue to tell jokes about him if they're funny. Probably best to leave his name out of it though as you have been doing. | 1 | 10,476 | 17.869565 |
9t4514 | legaladvice_train | 0.99 | Abusive ex-boyfriend is threatening to sue over a joke I told about him at an open mic [California] A few years ago I was in an extremely abusive relationship. ​ I am not a professional comedian, I don't make money from this (sometimes I get free drinks or something) and I have a day job that I'm not looking to quit. This is just a hobby. I go to open mic nights and tell jokes for fun. It's hard to explain this joke exactly without totally identifying myself which I don't want to do, but it's a pretty dark story about this fucked up thing my ex did to me once. Although it's not a funny situation, the way I tell it is pretty funny and it gets a big laugh. I do NOT use his name or any identifying info about him at any point. We live in a very large city, it's not like everyone automatically knows who I'm talking about. I'm not famous or anything. ​ Anyway, an acquaintance of mine recorded me telling this joke and put it on snapchat, and she apparently also knows him. This acquaintance did not send it to him directly or anything, and didn't even know he was the person I was talking about or that he and I knew each other. Total coincidence. ​ He saw it on snapchat, and sent her a lot of messages demanding to know where this was and what else I said about him. She told him the bar we were at at first, but he kept pressing for more details and made her uncomfortable so she blocked him and let me know what happened, and apologized profusely for letting him know what bar (we go there a lot, but she didn't know better, I'm not mad). ​ My ex DM'd me on Twitter, which is the only form of contacting me I didn't have him blocked on, and told me he was going to sue me for defamation because I am telling lies about him and "committing character assassination." He also sent me a Cease and Desist letter attached in my DMs as a photo, that restated his intent to sue and "compensate for the damages done to \[his\] reputation." Can he do this? First of all, they are NOT lies, this is a true story about a horrible thing that actually happened. But more importantly, I don't use his name. Nobody knew it was about him until he freaked out and told someone. ​ What do I do? (Also, can I keep telling jokes about him?) | e8ttelj | e8tohin | 1,541,039,537 | 1,541,034,455 | 411 | 17 | In the highly unlikely event that he were to file suit, your attorney will ask him "Why do you think that when the public hears the story of {despicable fucked up action} without your name being mentioned, your identity immediately leaps to the forefront of the public's mind?" ...and that will likely be the end of things. In the unlikely even that he were to sue, check with your homeowners or renters insurance. There's a thin possibility that they might provide a lawyer at their expense. | He can go pound sand. Truth is a complete defense, and even if it is false, if he is not identifiable then it is not defamation. If he actually has a lawyer send you something, then you can deal with it. And imagine all the stuff you have to add to your act now. Block him, ignore him, and good on you for escaping. | 1 | 5,082 | 24.176471 |
9t4514 | legaladvice_train | 0.99 | Abusive ex-boyfriend is threatening to sue over a joke I told about him at an open mic [California] A few years ago I was in an extremely abusive relationship. ​ I am not a professional comedian, I don't make money from this (sometimes I get free drinks or something) and I have a day job that I'm not looking to quit. This is just a hobby. I go to open mic nights and tell jokes for fun. It's hard to explain this joke exactly without totally identifying myself which I don't want to do, but it's a pretty dark story about this fucked up thing my ex did to me once. Although it's not a funny situation, the way I tell it is pretty funny and it gets a big laugh. I do NOT use his name or any identifying info about him at any point. We live in a very large city, it's not like everyone automatically knows who I'm talking about. I'm not famous or anything. ​ Anyway, an acquaintance of mine recorded me telling this joke and put it on snapchat, and she apparently also knows him. This acquaintance did not send it to him directly or anything, and didn't even know he was the person I was talking about or that he and I knew each other. Total coincidence. ​ He saw it on snapchat, and sent her a lot of messages demanding to know where this was and what else I said about him. She told him the bar we were at at first, but he kept pressing for more details and made her uncomfortable so she blocked him and let me know what happened, and apologized profusely for letting him know what bar (we go there a lot, but she didn't know better, I'm not mad). ​ My ex DM'd me on Twitter, which is the only form of contacting me I didn't have him blocked on, and told me he was going to sue me for defamation because I am telling lies about him and "committing character assassination." He also sent me a Cease and Desist letter attached in my DMs as a photo, that restated his intent to sue and "compensate for the damages done to \[his\] reputation." Can he do this? First of all, they are NOT lies, this is a true story about a horrible thing that actually happened. But more importantly, I don't use his name. Nobody knew it was about him until he freaked out and told someone. ​ What do I do? (Also, can I keep telling jokes about him?) | e8txjhr | e8tz40x | 1,541,044,118 | 1,541,046,202 | 30 | 257 | Add the Snapchat cease and desist to the end of your story. | If he ever sends you anything he claims is “from his lawyer,” give their office a call and make sure it’s real. It’s pretty common for guys like this to forge some legal letterhead to scare people, and lawyers ABSOLUTELY HATE THAT and will scare him right back if he does. | 0 | 2,084 | 8.566667 |
9t4514 | legaladvice_train | 0.99 | Abusive ex-boyfriend is threatening to sue over a joke I told about him at an open mic [California] A few years ago I was in an extremely abusive relationship. ​ I am not a professional comedian, I don't make money from this (sometimes I get free drinks or something) and I have a day job that I'm not looking to quit. This is just a hobby. I go to open mic nights and tell jokes for fun. It's hard to explain this joke exactly without totally identifying myself which I don't want to do, but it's a pretty dark story about this fucked up thing my ex did to me once. Although it's not a funny situation, the way I tell it is pretty funny and it gets a big laugh. I do NOT use his name or any identifying info about him at any point. We live in a very large city, it's not like everyone automatically knows who I'm talking about. I'm not famous or anything. ​ Anyway, an acquaintance of mine recorded me telling this joke and put it on snapchat, and she apparently also knows him. This acquaintance did not send it to him directly or anything, and didn't even know he was the person I was talking about or that he and I knew each other. Total coincidence. ​ He saw it on snapchat, and sent her a lot of messages demanding to know where this was and what else I said about him. She told him the bar we were at at first, but he kept pressing for more details and made her uncomfortable so she blocked him and let me know what happened, and apologized profusely for letting him know what bar (we go there a lot, but she didn't know better, I'm not mad). ​ My ex DM'd me on Twitter, which is the only form of contacting me I didn't have him blocked on, and told me he was going to sue me for defamation because I am telling lies about him and "committing character assassination." He also sent me a Cease and Desist letter attached in my DMs as a photo, that restated his intent to sue and "compensate for the damages done to \[his\] reputation." Can he do this? First of all, they are NOT lies, this is a true story about a horrible thing that actually happened. But more importantly, I don't use his name. Nobody knew it was about him until he freaked out and told someone. ​ What do I do? (Also, can I keep telling jokes about him?) | e8tj5ns | e8tz40x | 1,541,029,061 | 1,541,046,202 | 23 | 257 | You're fine. If you really are telling the truth then he doesn't have a basis for legal action. Like everyone always says around here if you get served you need to treat it seriously (lawyer) and respond appropriately. It would probably provide all sorts of good joke premises if he actually does follow through on the threat. Tell him to get bent, block him on twitter and please continue to tell jokes about him if they're funny. Probably best to leave his name out of it though as you have been doing. | If he ever sends you anything he claims is “from his lawyer,” give their office a call and make sure it’s real. It’s pretty common for guys like this to forge some legal letterhead to scare people, and lawyers ABSOLUTELY HATE THAT and will scare him right back if he does. | 0 | 17,141 | 11.173913 |
9t4514 | legaladvice_train | 0.99 | Abusive ex-boyfriend is threatening to sue over a joke I told about him at an open mic [California] A few years ago I was in an extremely abusive relationship. ​ I am not a professional comedian, I don't make money from this (sometimes I get free drinks or something) and I have a day job that I'm not looking to quit. This is just a hobby. I go to open mic nights and tell jokes for fun. It's hard to explain this joke exactly without totally identifying myself which I don't want to do, but it's a pretty dark story about this fucked up thing my ex did to me once. Although it's not a funny situation, the way I tell it is pretty funny and it gets a big laugh. I do NOT use his name or any identifying info about him at any point. We live in a very large city, it's not like everyone automatically knows who I'm talking about. I'm not famous or anything. ​ Anyway, an acquaintance of mine recorded me telling this joke and put it on snapchat, and she apparently also knows him. This acquaintance did not send it to him directly or anything, and didn't even know he was the person I was talking about or that he and I knew each other. Total coincidence. ​ He saw it on snapchat, and sent her a lot of messages demanding to know where this was and what else I said about him. She told him the bar we were at at first, but he kept pressing for more details and made her uncomfortable so she blocked him and let me know what happened, and apologized profusely for letting him know what bar (we go there a lot, but she didn't know better, I'm not mad). ​ My ex DM'd me on Twitter, which is the only form of contacting me I didn't have him blocked on, and told me he was going to sue me for defamation because I am telling lies about him and "committing character assassination." He also sent me a Cease and Desist letter attached in my DMs as a photo, that restated his intent to sue and "compensate for the damages done to \[his\] reputation." Can he do this? First of all, they are NOT lies, this is a true story about a horrible thing that actually happened. But more importantly, I don't use his name. Nobody knew it was about him until he freaked out and told someone. ​ What do I do? (Also, can I keep telling jokes about him?) | e8tohin | e8tz40x | 1,541,034,455 | 1,541,046,202 | 17 | 257 | He can go pound sand. Truth is a complete defense, and even if it is false, if he is not identifiable then it is not defamation. If he actually has a lawyer send you something, then you can deal with it. And imagine all the stuff you have to add to your act now. Block him, ignore him, and good on you for escaping. | If he ever sends you anything he claims is “from his lawyer,” give their office a call and make sure it’s real. It’s pretty common for guys like this to forge some legal letterhead to scare people, and lawyers ABSOLUTELY HATE THAT and will scare him right back if he does. | 0 | 11,747 | 15.117647 |
9t4514 | legaladvice_train | 0.99 | Abusive ex-boyfriend is threatening to sue over a joke I told about him at an open mic [California] A few years ago I was in an extremely abusive relationship. ​ I am not a professional comedian, I don't make money from this (sometimes I get free drinks or something) and I have a day job that I'm not looking to quit. This is just a hobby. I go to open mic nights and tell jokes for fun. It's hard to explain this joke exactly without totally identifying myself which I don't want to do, but it's a pretty dark story about this fucked up thing my ex did to me once. Although it's not a funny situation, the way I tell it is pretty funny and it gets a big laugh. I do NOT use his name or any identifying info about him at any point. We live in a very large city, it's not like everyone automatically knows who I'm talking about. I'm not famous or anything. ​ Anyway, an acquaintance of mine recorded me telling this joke and put it on snapchat, and she apparently also knows him. This acquaintance did not send it to him directly or anything, and didn't even know he was the person I was talking about or that he and I knew each other. Total coincidence. ​ He saw it on snapchat, and sent her a lot of messages demanding to know where this was and what else I said about him. She told him the bar we were at at first, but he kept pressing for more details and made her uncomfortable so she blocked him and let me know what happened, and apologized profusely for letting him know what bar (we go there a lot, but she didn't know better, I'm not mad). ​ My ex DM'd me on Twitter, which is the only form of contacting me I didn't have him blocked on, and told me he was going to sue me for defamation because I am telling lies about him and "committing character assassination." He also sent me a Cease and Desist letter attached in my DMs as a photo, that restated his intent to sue and "compensate for the damages done to \[his\] reputation." Can he do this? First of all, they are NOT lies, this is a true story about a horrible thing that actually happened. But more importantly, I don't use his name. Nobody knew it was about him until he freaked out and told someone. ​ What do I do? (Also, can I keep telling jokes about him?) | e8twnkw | e8tz40x | 1,541,043,072 | 1,541,046,202 | 16 | 257 | Tangential question for the lawyers out there...is Twitter a real way to send a C&D? Doesn’t that need to be on physical paper to a proper address? | If he ever sends you anything he claims is “from his lawyer,” give their office a call and make sure it’s real. It’s pretty common for guys like this to forge some legal letterhead to scare people, and lawyers ABSOLUTELY HATE THAT and will scare him right back if he does. | 0 | 3,130 | 16.0625 |
9t4514 | legaladvice_train | 0.99 | Abusive ex-boyfriend is threatening to sue over a joke I told about him at an open mic [California] A few years ago I was in an extremely abusive relationship. ​ I am not a professional comedian, I don't make money from this (sometimes I get free drinks or something) and I have a day job that I'm not looking to quit. This is just a hobby. I go to open mic nights and tell jokes for fun. It's hard to explain this joke exactly without totally identifying myself which I don't want to do, but it's a pretty dark story about this fucked up thing my ex did to me once. Although it's not a funny situation, the way I tell it is pretty funny and it gets a big laugh. I do NOT use his name or any identifying info about him at any point. We live in a very large city, it's not like everyone automatically knows who I'm talking about. I'm not famous or anything. ​ Anyway, an acquaintance of mine recorded me telling this joke and put it on snapchat, and she apparently also knows him. This acquaintance did not send it to him directly or anything, and didn't even know he was the person I was talking about or that he and I knew each other. Total coincidence. ​ He saw it on snapchat, and sent her a lot of messages demanding to know where this was and what else I said about him. She told him the bar we were at at first, but he kept pressing for more details and made her uncomfortable so she blocked him and let me know what happened, and apologized profusely for letting him know what bar (we go there a lot, but she didn't know better, I'm not mad). ​ My ex DM'd me on Twitter, which is the only form of contacting me I didn't have him blocked on, and told me he was going to sue me for defamation because I am telling lies about him and "committing character assassination." He also sent me a Cease and Desist letter attached in my DMs as a photo, that restated his intent to sue and "compensate for the damages done to \[his\] reputation." Can he do this? First of all, they are NOT lies, this is a true story about a horrible thing that actually happened. But more importantly, I don't use his name. Nobody knew it was about him until he freaked out and told someone. ​ What do I do? (Also, can I keep telling jokes about him?) | e8tz40x | e8twxru | 1,541,046,202 | 1,541,043,401 | 257 | 12 | If he ever sends you anything he claims is “from his lawyer,” give their office a call and make sure it’s real. It’s pretty common for guys like this to forge some legal letterhead to scare people, and lawyers ABSOLUTELY HATE THAT and will scare him right back if he does. | considering the way he's apparently treated you regarding this situation I highly doubt the courts will find any liability for character assassination, as one needs to have character to begin with. | 1 | 2,801 | 21.416667 |
9t4514 | legaladvice_train | 0.99 | Abusive ex-boyfriend is threatening to sue over a joke I told about him at an open mic [California] A few years ago I was in an extremely abusive relationship. ​ I am not a professional comedian, I don't make money from this (sometimes I get free drinks or something) and I have a day job that I'm not looking to quit. This is just a hobby. I go to open mic nights and tell jokes for fun. It's hard to explain this joke exactly without totally identifying myself which I don't want to do, but it's a pretty dark story about this fucked up thing my ex did to me once. Although it's not a funny situation, the way I tell it is pretty funny and it gets a big laugh. I do NOT use his name or any identifying info about him at any point. We live in a very large city, it's not like everyone automatically knows who I'm talking about. I'm not famous or anything. ​ Anyway, an acquaintance of mine recorded me telling this joke and put it on snapchat, and she apparently also knows him. This acquaintance did not send it to him directly or anything, and didn't even know he was the person I was talking about or that he and I knew each other. Total coincidence. ​ He saw it on snapchat, and sent her a lot of messages demanding to know where this was and what else I said about him. She told him the bar we were at at first, but he kept pressing for more details and made her uncomfortable so she blocked him and let me know what happened, and apologized profusely for letting him know what bar (we go there a lot, but she didn't know better, I'm not mad). ​ My ex DM'd me on Twitter, which is the only form of contacting me I didn't have him blocked on, and told me he was going to sue me for defamation because I am telling lies about him and "committing character assassination." He also sent me a Cease and Desist letter attached in my DMs as a photo, that restated his intent to sue and "compensate for the damages done to \[his\] reputation." Can he do this? First of all, they are NOT lies, this is a true story about a horrible thing that actually happened. But more importantly, I don't use his name. Nobody knew it was about him until he freaked out and told someone. ​ What do I do? (Also, can I keep telling jokes about him?) | e8u5cq2 | e8txjhr | 1,541,057,085 | 1,541,044,118 | 92 | 30 | If you didn’t say his name, how does he know you’re talking about him if it’s not true? That doesn’t make sense to me. | Add the Snapchat cease and desist to the end of your story. | 1 | 12,967 | 3.066667 |
9t4514 | legaladvice_train | 0.99 | Abusive ex-boyfriend is threatening to sue over a joke I told about him at an open mic [California] A few years ago I was in an extremely abusive relationship. ​ I am not a professional comedian, I don't make money from this (sometimes I get free drinks or something) and I have a day job that I'm not looking to quit. This is just a hobby. I go to open mic nights and tell jokes for fun. It's hard to explain this joke exactly without totally identifying myself which I don't want to do, but it's a pretty dark story about this fucked up thing my ex did to me once. Although it's not a funny situation, the way I tell it is pretty funny and it gets a big laugh. I do NOT use his name or any identifying info about him at any point. We live in a very large city, it's not like everyone automatically knows who I'm talking about. I'm not famous or anything. ​ Anyway, an acquaintance of mine recorded me telling this joke and put it on snapchat, and she apparently also knows him. This acquaintance did not send it to him directly or anything, and didn't even know he was the person I was talking about or that he and I knew each other. Total coincidence. ​ He saw it on snapchat, and sent her a lot of messages demanding to know where this was and what else I said about him. She told him the bar we were at at first, but he kept pressing for more details and made her uncomfortable so she blocked him and let me know what happened, and apologized profusely for letting him know what bar (we go there a lot, but she didn't know better, I'm not mad). ​ My ex DM'd me on Twitter, which is the only form of contacting me I didn't have him blocked on, and told me he was going to sue me for defamation because I am telling lies about him and "committing character assassination." He also sent me a Cease and Desist letter attached in my DMs as a photo, that restated his intent to sue and "compensate for the damages done to \[his\] reputation." Can he do this? First of all, they are NOT lies, this is a true story about a horrible thing that actually happened. But more importantly, I don't use his name. Nobody knew it was about him until he freaked out and told someone. ​ What do I do? (Also, can I keep telling jokes about him?) | e8u5cq2 | e8tj5ns | 1,541,057,085 | 1,541,029,061 | 92 | 23 | If you didn’t say his name, how does he know you’re talking about him if it’s not true? That doesn’t make sense to me. | You're fine. If you really are telling the truth then he doesn't have a basis for legal action. Like everyone always says around here if you get served you need to treat it seriously (lawyer) and respond appropriately. It would probably provide all sorts of good joke premises if he actually does follow through on the threat. Tell him to get bent, block him on twitter and please continue to tell jokes about him if they're funny. Probably best to leave his name out of it though as you have been doing. | 1 | 28,024 | 4 |
9t4514 | legaladvice_train | 0.99 | Abusive ex-boyfriend is threatening to sue over a joke I told about him at an open mic [California] A few years ago I was in an extremely abusive relationship. ​ I am not a professional comedian, I don't make money from this (sometimes I get free drinks or something) and I have a day job that I'm not looking to quit. This is just a hobby. I go to open mic nights and tell jokes for fun. It's hard to explain this joke exactly without totally identifying myself which I don't want to do, but it's a pretty dark story about this fucked up thing my ex did to me once. Although it's not a funny situation, the way I tell it is pretty funny and it gets a big laugh. I do NOT use his name or any identifying info about him at any point. We live in a very large city, it's not like everyone automatically knows who I'm talking about. I'm not famous or anything. ​ Anyway, an acquaintance of mine recorded me telling this joke and put it on snapchat, and she apparently also knows him. This acquaintance did not send it to him directly or anything, and didn't even know he was the person I was talking about or that he and I knew each other. Total coincidence. ​ He saw it on snapchat, and sent her a lot of messages demanding to know where this was and what else I said about him. She told him the bar we were at at first, but he kept pressing for more details and made her uncomfortable so she blocked him and let me know what happened, and apologized profusely for letting him know what bar (we go there a lot, but she didn't know better, I'm not mad). ​ My ex DM'd me on Twitter, which is the only form of contacting me I didn't have him blocked on, and told me he was going to sue me for defamation because I am telling lies about him and "committing character assassination." He also sent me a Cease and Desist letter attached in my DMs as a photo, that restated his intent to sue and "compensate for the damages done to \[his\] reputation." Can he do this? First of all, they are NOT lies, this is a true story about a horrible thing that actually happened. But more importantly, I don't use his name. Nobody knew it was about him until he freaked out and told someone. ​ What do I do? (Also, can I keep telling jokes about him?) | e8u5cq2 | e8u12c3 | 1,541,057,085 | 1,541,048,952 | 92 | 17 | If you didn’t say his name, how does he know you’re talking about him if it’s not true? That doesn’t make sense to me. | As has been mentioned, truth is a defense to defamation (technically not a defense, but an element is falsity so doesn't meet the definition). Jokes are protected from defamation suits, see Hustler magazine v. Falwell. Finally, California has an Anti-Slapp statute meaning if the law suit is frivolous not only can it be dismissed very early but you also get costs that ex bf has to pay. So you are fine. | 1 | 8,133 | 5.411765 |
9t4514 | legaladvice_train | 0.99 | Abusive ex-boyfriend is threatening to sue over a joke I told about him at an open mic [California] A few years ago I was in an extremely abusive relationship. ​ I am not a professional comedian, I don't make money from this (sometimes I get free drinks or something) and I have a day job that I'm not looking to quit. This is just a hobby. I go to open mic nights and tell jokes for fun. It's hard to explain this joke exactly without totally identifying myself which I don't want to do, but it's a pretty dark story about this fucked up thing my ex did to me once. Although it's not a funny situation, the way I tell it is pretty funny and it gets a big laugh. I do NOT use his name or any identifying info about him at any point. We live in a very large city, it's not like everyone automatically knows who I'm talking about. I'm not famous or anything. ​ Anyway, an acquaintance of mine recorded me telling this joke and put it on snapchat, and she apparently also knows him. This acquaintance did not send it to him directly or anything, and didn't even know he was the person I was talking about or that he and I knew each other. Total coincidence. ​ He saw it on snapchat, and sent her a lot of messages demanding to know where this was and what else I said about him. She told him the bar we were at at first, but he kept pressing for more details and made her uncomfortable so she blocked him and let me know what happened, and apologized profusely for letting him know what bar (we go there a lot, but she didn't know better, I'm not mad). ​ My ex DM'd me on Twitter, which is the only form of contacting me I didn't have him blocked on, and told me he was going to sue me for defamation because I am telling lies about him and "committing character assassination." He also sent me a Cease and Desist letter attached in my DMs as a photo, that restated his intent to sue and "compensate for the damages done to \[his\] reputation." Can he do this? First of all, they are NOT lies, this is a true story about a horrible thing that actually happened. But more importantly, I don't use his name. Nobody knew it was about him until he freaked out and told someone. ​ What do I do? (Also, can I keep telling jokes about him?) | e8tohin | e8u5cq2 | 1,541,034,455 | 1,541,057,085 | 17 | 92 | He can go pound sand. Truth is a complete defense, and even if it is false, if he is not identifiable then it is not defamation. If he actually has a lawyer send you something, then you can deal with it. And imagine all the stuff you have to add to your act now. Block him, ignore him, and good on you for escaping. | If you didn’t say his name, how does he know you’re talking about him if it’s not true? That doesn’t make sense to me. | 0 | 22,630 | 5.411765 |
9t4514 | legaladvice_train | 0.99 | Abusive ex-boyfriend is threatening to sue over a joke I told about him at an open mic [California] A few years ago I was in an extremely abusive relationship. ​ I am not a professional comedian, I don't make money from this (sometimes I get free drinks or something) and I have a day job that I'm not looking to quit. This is just a hobby. I go to open mic nights and tell jokes for fun. It's hard to explain this joke exactly without totally identifying myself which I don't want to do, but it's a pretty dark story about this fucked up thing my ex did to me once. Although it's not a funny situation, the way I tell it is pretty funny and it gets a big laugh. I do NOT use his name or any identifying info about him at any point. We live in a very large city, it's not like everyone automatically knows who I'm talking about. I'm not famous or anything. ​ Anyway, an acquaintance of mine recorded me telling this joke and put it on snapchat, and she apparently also knows him. This acquaintance did not send it to him directly or anything, and didn't even know he was the person I was talking about or that he and I knew each other. Total coincidence. ​ He saw it on snapchat, and sent her a lot of messages demanding to know where this was and what else I said about him. She told him the bar we were at at first, but he kept pressing for more details and made her uncomfortable so she blocked him and let me know what happened, and apologized profusely for letting him know what bar (we go there a lot, but she didn't know better, I'm not mad). ​ My ex DM'd me on Twitter, which is the only form of contacting me I didn't have him blocked on, and told me he was going to sue me for defamation because I am telling lies about him and "committing character assassination." He also sent me a Cease and Desist letter attached in my DMs as a photo, that restated his intent to sue and "compensate for the damages done to \[his\] reputation." Can he do this? First of all, they are NOT lies, this is a true story about a horrible thing that actually happened. But more importantly, I don't use his name. Nobody knew it was about him until he freaked out and told someone. ​ What do I do? (Also, can I keep telling jokes about him?) | e8u5cq2 | e8twnkw | 1,541,057,085 | 1,541,043,072 | 92 | 16 | If you didn’t say his name, how does he know you’re talking about him if it’s not true? That doesn’t make sense to me. | Tangential question for the lawyers out there...is Twitter a real way to send a C&D? Doesn’t that need to be on physical paper to a proper address? | 1 | 14,013 | 5.75 |
9t4514 | legaladvice_train | 0.99 | Abusive ex-boyfriend is threatening to sue over a joke I told about him at an open mic [California] A few years ago I was in an extremely abusive relationship. ​ I am not a professional comedian, I don't make money from this (sometimes I get free drinks or something) and I have a day job that I'm not looking to quit. This is just a hobby. I go to open mic nights and tell jokes for fun. It's hard to explain this joke exactly without totally identifying myself which I don't want to do, but it's a pretty dark story about this fucked up thing my ex did to me once. Although it's not a funny situation, the way I tell it is pretty funny and it gets a big laugh. I do NOT use his name or any identifying info about him at any point. We live in a very large city, it's not like everyone automatically knows who I'm talking about. I'm not famous or anything. ​ Anyway, an acquaintance of mine recorded me telling this joke and put it on snapchat, and she apparently also knows him. This acquaintance did not send it to him directly or anything, and didn't even know he was the person I was talking about or that he and I knew each other. Total coincidence. ​ He saw it on snapchat, and sent her a lot of messages demanding to know where this was and what else I said about him. She told him the bar we were at at first, but he kept pressing for more details and made her uncomfortable so she blocked him and let me know what happened, and apologized profusely for letting him know what bar (we go there a lot, but she didn't know better, I'm not mad). ​ My ex DM'd me on Twitter, which is the only form of contacting me I didn't have him blocked on, and told me he was going to sue me for defamation because I am telling lies about him and "committing character assassination." He also sent me a Cease and Desist letter attached in my DMs as a photo, that restated his intent to sue and "compensate for the damages done to \[his\] reputation." Can he do this? First of all, they are NOT lies, this is a true story about a horrible thing that actually happened. But more importantly, I don't use his name. Nobody knew it was about him until he freaked out and told someone. ​ What do I do? (Also, can I keep telling jokes about him?) | e8twxru | e8u5cq2 | 1,541,043,401 | 1,541,057,085 | 12 | 92 | considering the way he's apparently treated you regarding this situation I highly doubt the courts will find any liability for character assassination, as one needs to have character to begin with. | If you didn’t say his name, how does he know you’re talking about him if it’s not true? That doesn’t make sense to me. | 0 | 13,684 | 7.666667 |
9t4514 | legaladvice_train | 0.99 | Abusive ex-boyfriend is threatening to sue over a joke I told about him at an open mic [California] A few years ago I was in an extremely abusive relationship. ​ I am not a professional comedian, I don't make money from this (sometimes I get free drinks or something) and I have a day job that I'm not looking to quit. This is just a hobby. I go to open mic nights and tell jokes for fun. It's hard to explain this joke exactly without totally identifying myself which I don't want to do, but it's a pretty dark story about this fucked up thing my ex did to me once. Although it's not a funny situation, the way I tell it is pretty funny and it gets a big laugh. I do NOT use his name or any identifying info about him at any point. We live in a very large city, it's not like everyone automatically knows who I'm talking about. I'm not famous or anything. ​ Anyway, an acquaintance of mine recorded me telling this joke and put it on snapchat, and she apparently also knows him. This acquaintance did not send it to him directly or anything, and didn't even know he was the person I was talking about or that he and I knew each other. Total coincidence. ​ He saw it on snapchat, and sent her a lot of messages demanding to know where this was and what else I said about him. She told him the bar we were at at first, but he kept pressing for more details and made her uncomfortable so she blocked him and let me know what happened, and apologized profusely for letting him know what bar (we go there a lot, but she didn't know better, I'm not mad). ​ My ex DM'd me on Twitter, which is the only form of contacting me I didn't have him blocked on, and told me he was going to sue me for defamation because I am telling lies about him and "committing character assassination." He also sent me a Cease and Desist letter attached in my DMs as a photo, that restated his intent to sue and "compensate for the damages done to \[his\] reputation." Can he do this? First of all, they are NOT lies, this is a true story about a horrible thing that actually happened. But more importantly, I don't use his name. Nobody knew it was about him until he freaked out and told someone. ​ What do I do? (Also, can I keep telling jokes about him?) | e8u5cq2 | e8tzfcx | 1,541,057,085 | 1,541,046,629 | 92 | 10 | If you didn’t say his name, how does he know you’re talking about him if it’s not true? That doesn’t make sense to me. | Not a lawyer, correct me if I'm wrong. Depending on what country you are in the burden of proof for defamation is different. In the USA he has to prove that you are lying and he probably can't. In the UK and Thailand (for example) its up to you to prove that you are telling the truth. | 1 | 10,456 | 9.2 |
9t4514 | legaladvice_train | 0.99 | Abusive ex-boyfriend is threatening to sue over a joke I told about him at an open mic [California] A few years ago I was in an extremely abusive relationship. ​ I am not a professional comedian, I don't make money from this (sometimes I get free drinks or something) and I have a day job that I'm not looking to quit. This is just a hobby. I go to open mic nights and tell jokes for fun. It's hard to explain this joke exactly without totally identifying myself which I don't want to do, but it's a pretty dark story about this fucked up thing my ex did to me once. Although it's not a funny situation, the way I tell it is pretty funny and it gets a big laugh. I do NOT use his name or any identifying info about him at any point. We live in a very large city, it's not like everyone automatically knows who I'm talking about. I'm not famous or anything. ​ Anyway, an acquaintance of mine recorded me telling this joke and put it on snapchat, and she apparently also knows him. This acquaintance did not send it to him directly or anything, and didn't even know he was the person I was talking about or that he and I knew each other. Total coincidence. ​ He saw it on snapchat, and sent her a lot of messages demanding to know where this was and what else I said about him. She told him the bar we were at at first, but he kept pressing for more details and made her uncomfortable so she blocked him and let me know what happened, and apologized profusely for letting him know what bar (we go there a lot, but she didn't know better, I'm not mad). ​ My ex DM'd me on Twitter, which is the only form of contacting me I didn't have him blocked on, and told me he was going to sue me for defamation because I am telling lies about him and "committing character assassination." He also sent me a Cease and Desist letter attached in my DMs as a photo, that restated his intent to sue and "compensate for the damages done to \[his\] reputation." Can he do this? First of all, they are NOT lies, this is a true story about a horrible thing that actually happened. But more importantly, I don't use his name. Nobody knew it was about him until he freaked out and told someone. ​ What do I do? (Also, can I keep telling jokes about him?) | e8vhiga | e8txjhr | 1,541,107,615 | 1,541,044,118 | 44 | 30 | Sounds like he's giving you more material. Run with it. | Add the Snapchat cease and desist to the end of your story. | 1 | 63,497 | 1.466667 |
9t4514 | legaladvice_train | 0.99 | Abusive ex-boyfriend is threatening to sue over a joke I told about him at an open mic [California] A few years ago I was in an extremely abusive relationship. ​ I am not a professional comedian, I don't make money from this (sometimes I get free drinks or something) and I have a day job that I'm not looking to quit. This is just a hobby. I go to open mic nights and tell jokes for fun. It's hard to explain this joke exactly without totally identifying myself which I don't want to do, but it's a pretty dark story about this fucked up thing my ex did to me once. Although it's not a funny situation, the way I tell it is pretty funny and it gets a big laugh. I do NOT use his name or any identifying info about him at any point. We live in a very large city, it's not like everyone automatically knows who I'm talking about. I'm not famous or anything. ​ Anyway, an acquaintance of mine recorded me telling this joke and put it on snapchat, and she apparently also knows him. This acquaintance did not send it to him directly or anything, and didn't even know he was the person I was talking about or that he and I knew each other. Total coincidence. ​ He saw it on snapchat, and sent her a lot of messages demanding to know where this was and what else I said about him. She told him the bar we were at at first, but he kept pressing for more details and made her uncomfortable so she blocked him and let me know what happened, and apologized profusely for letting him know what bar (we go there a lot, but she didn't know better, I'm not mad). ​ My ex DM'd me on Twitter, which is the only form of contacting me I didn't have him blocked on, and told me he was going to sue me for defamation because I am telling lies about him and "committing character assassination." He also sent me a Cease and Desist letter attached in my DMs as a photo, that restated his intent to sue and "compensate for the damages done to \[his\] reputation." Can he do this? First of all, they are NOT lies, this is a true story about a horrible thing that actually happened. But more importantly, I don't use his name. Nobody knew it was about him until he freaked out and told someone. ​ What do I do? (Also, can I keep telling jokes about him?) | e8vhiga | e8uhcfc | 1,541,107,615 | 1,541,077,948 | 44 | 24 | Sounds like he's giving you more material. Run with it. | Besides the legal advice, I would let the bar know about this guy and give them a heads up that he knows about the bar and your sets and may show up | 1 | 29,667 | 1.833333 |
9t4514 | legaladvice_train | 0.99 | Abusive ex-boyfriend is threatening to sue over a joke I told about him at an open mic [California] A few years ago I was in an extremely abusive relationship. ​ I am not a professional comedian, I don't make money from this (sometimes I get free drinks or something) and I have a day job that I'm not looking to quit. This is just a hobby. I go to open mic nights and tell jokes for fun. It's hard to explain this joke exactly without totally identifying myself which I don't want to do, but it's a pretty dark story about this fucked up thing my ex did to me once. Although it's not a funny situation, the way I tell it is pretty funny and it gets a big laugh. I do NOT use his name or any identifying info about him at any point. We live in a very large city, it's not like everyone automatically knows who I'm talking about. I'm not famous or anything. ​ Anyway, an acquaintance of mine recorded me telling this joke and put it on snapchat, and she apparently also knows him. This acquaintance did not send it to him directly or anything, and didn't even know he was the person I was talking about or that he and I knew each other. Total coincidence. ​ He saw it on snapchat, and sent her a lot of messages demanding to know where this was and what else I said about him. She told him the bar we were at at first, but he kept pressing for more details and made her uncomfortable so she blocked him and let me know what happened, and apologized profusely for letting him know what bar (we go there a lot, but she didn't know better, I'm not mad). ​ My ex DM'd me on Twitter, which is the only form of contacting me I didn't have him blocked on, and told me he was going to sue me for defamation because I am telling lies about him and "committing character assassination." He also sent me a Cease and Desist letter attached in my DMs as a photo, that restated his intent to sue and "compensate for the damages done to \[his\] reputation." Can he do this? First of all, they are NOT lies, this is a true story about a horrible thing that actually happened. But more importantly, I don't use his name. Nobody knew it was about him until he freaked out and told someone. ​ What do I do? (Also, can I keep telling jokes about him?) | e8tj5ns | e8vhiga | 1,541,029,061 | 1,541,107,615 | 23 | 44 | You're fine. If you really are telling the truth then he doesn't have a basis for legal action. Like everyone always says around here if you get served you need to treat it seriously (lawyer) and respond appropriately. It would probably provide all sorts of good joke premises if he actually does follow through on the threat. Tell him to get bent, block him on twitter and please continue to tell jokes about him if they're funny. Probably best to leave his name out of it though as you have been doing. | Sounds like he's giving you more material. Run with it. | 0 | 78,554 | 1.913043 |
9t4514 | legaladvice_train | 0.99 | Abusive ex-boyfriend is threatening to sue over a joke I told about him at an open mic [California] A few years ago I was in an extremely abusive relationship. ​ I am not a professional comedian, I don't make money from this (sometimes I get free drinks or something) and I have a day job that I'm not looking to quit. This is just a hobby. I go to open mic nights and tell jokes for fun. It's hard to explain this joke exactly without totally identifying myself which I don't want to do, but it's a pretty dark story about this fucked up thing my ex did to me once. Although it's not a funny situation, the way I tell it is pretty funny and it gets a big laugh. I do NOT use his name or any identifying info about him at any point. We live in a very large city, it's not like everyone automatically knows who I'm talking about. I'm not famous or anything. ​ Anyway, an acquaintance of mine recorded me telling this joke and put it on snapchat, and she apparently also knows him. This acquaintance did not send it to him directly or anything, and didn't even know he was the person I was talking about or that he and I knew each other. Total coincidence. ​ He saw it on snapchat, and sent her a lot of messages demanding to know where this was and what else I said about him. She told him the bar we were at at first, but he kept pressing for more details and made her uncomfortable so she blocked him and let me know what happened, and apologized profusely for letting him know what bar (we go there a lot, but she didn't know better, I'm not mad). ​ My ex DM'd me on Twitter, which is the only form of contacting me I didn't have him blocked on, and told me he was going to sue me for defamation because I am telling lies about him and "committing character assassination." He also sent me a Cease and Desist letter attached in my DMs as a photo, that restated his intent to sue and "compensate for the damages done to \[his\] reputation." Can he do this? First of all, they are NOT lies, this is a true story about a horrible thing that actually happened. But more importantly, I don't use his name. Nobody knew it was about him until he freaked out and told someone. ​ What do I do? (Also, can I keep telling jokes about him?) | e8u12c3 | e8vhiga | 1,541,048,952 | 1,541,107,615 | 17 | 44 | As has been mentioned, truth is a defense to defamation (technically not a defense, but an element is falsity so doesn't meet the definition). Jokes are protected from defamation suits, see Hustler magazine v. Falwell. Finally, California has an Anti-Slapp statute meaning if the law suit is frivolous not only can it be dismissed very early but you also get costs that ex bf has to pay. So you are fine. | Sounds like he's giving you more material. Run with it. | 0 | 58,663 | 2.588235 |
9t4514 | legaladvice_train | 0.99 | Abusive ex-boyfriend is threatening to sue over a joke I told about him at an open mic [California] A few years ago I was in an extremely abusive relationship. ​ I am not a professional comedian, I don't make money from this (sometimes I get free drinks or something) and I have a day job that I'm not looking to quit. This is just a hobby. I go to open mic nights and tell jokes for fun. It's hard to explain this joke exactly without totally identifying myself which I don't want to do, but it's a pretty dark story about this fucked up thing my ex did to me once. Although it's not a funny situation, the way I tell it is pretty funny and it gets a big laugh. I do NOT use his name or any identifying info about him at any point. We live in a very large city, it's not like everyone automatically knows who I'm talking about. I'm not famous or anything. ​ Anyway, an acquaintance of mine recorded me telling this joke and put it on snapchat, and she apparently also knows him. This acquaintance did not send it to him directly or anything, and didn't even know he was the person I was talking about or that he and I knew each other. Total coincidence. ​ He saw it on snapchat, and sent her a lot of messages demanding to know where this was and what else I said about him. She told him the bar we were at at first, but he kept pressing for more details and made her uncomfortable so she blocked him and let me know what happened, and apologized profusely for letting him know what bar (we go there a lot, but she didn't know better, I'm not mad). ​ My ex DM'd me on Twitter, which is the only form of contacting me I didn't have him blocked on, and told me he was going to sue me for defamation because I am telling lies about him and "committing character assassination." He also sent me a Cease and Desist letter attached in my DMs as a photo, that restated his intent to sue and "compensate for the damages done to \[his\] reputation." Can he do this? First of all, they are NOT lies, this is a true story about a horrible thing that actually happened. But more importantly, I don't use his name. Nobody knew it was about him until he freaked out and told someone. ​ What do I do? (Also, can I keep telling jokes about him?) | e8vhiga | e8tohin | 1,541,107,615 | 1,541,034,455 | 44 | 17 | Sounds like he's giving you more material. Run with it. | He can go pound sand. Truth is a complete defense, and even if it is false, if he is not identifiable then it is not defamation. If he actually has a lawyer send you something, then you can deal with it. And imagine all the stuff you have to add to your act now. Block him, ignore him, and good on you for escaping. | 1 | 73,160 | 2.588235 |
9t4514 | legaladvice_train | 0.99 | Abusive ex-boyfriend is threatening to sue over a joke I told about him at an open mic [California] A few years ago I was in an extremely abusive relationship. ​ I am not a professional comedian, I don't make money from this (sometimes I get free drinks or something) and I have a day job that I'm not looking to quit. This is just a hobby. I go to open mic nights and tell jokes for fun. It's hard to explain this joke exactly without totally identifying myself which I don't want to do, but it's a pretty dark story about this fucked up thing my ex did to me once. Although it's not a funny situation, the way I tell it is pretty funny and it gets a big laugh. I do NOT use his name or any identifying info about him at any point. We live in a very large city, it's not like everyone automatically knows who I'm talking about. I'm not famous or anything. ​ Anyway, an acquaintance of mine recorded me telling this joke and put it on snapchat, and she apparently also knows him. This acquaintance did not send it to him directly or anything, and didn't even know he was the person I was talking about or that he and I knew each other. Total coincidence. ​ He saw it on snapchat, and sent her a lot of messages demanding to know where this was and what else I said about him. She told him the bar we were at at first, but he kept pressing for more details and made her uncomfortable so she blocked him and let me know what happened, and apologized profusely for letting him know what bar (we go there a lot, but she didn't know better, I'm not mad). ​ My ex DM'd me on Twitter, which is the only form of contacting me I didn't have him blocked on, and told me he was going to sue me for defamation because I am telling lies about him and "committing character assassination." He also sent me a Cease and Desist letter attached in my DMs as a photo, that restated his intent to sue and "compensate for the damages done to \[his\] reputation." Can he do this? First of all, they are NOT lies, this is a true story about a horrible thing that actually happened. But more importantly, I don't use his name. Nobody knew it was about him until he freaked out and told someone. ​ What do I do? (Also, can I keep telling jokes about him?) | e8vhiga | e8twnkw | 1,541,107,615 | 1,541,043,072 | 44 | 16 | Sounds like he's giving you more material. Run with it. | Tangential question for the lawyers out there...is Twitter a real way to send a C&D? Doesn’t that need to be on physical paper to a proper address? | 1 | 64,543 | 2.75 |
9t4514 | legaladvice_train | 0.99 | Abusive ex-boyfriend is threatening to sue over a joke I told about him at an open mic [California] A few years ago I was in an extremely abusive relationship. ​ I am not a professional comedian, I don't make money from this (sometimes I get free drinks or something) and I have a day job that I'm not looking to quit. This is just a hobby. I go to open mic nights and tell jokes for fun. It's hard to explain this joke exactly without totally identifying myself which I don't want to do, but it's a pretty dark story about this fucked up thing my ex did to me once. Although it's not a funny situation, the way I tell it is pretty funny and it gets a big laugh. I do NOT use his name or any identifying info about him at any point. We live in a very large city, it's not like everyone automatically knows who I'm talking about. I'm not famous or anything. ​ Anyway, an acquaintance of mine recorded me telling this joke and put it on snapchat, and she apparently also knows him. This acquaintance did not send it to him directly or anything, and didn't even know he was the person I was talking about or that he and I knew each other. Total coincidence. ​ He saw it on snapchat, and sent her a lot of messages demanding to know where this was and what else I said about him. She told him the bar we were at at first, but he kept pressing for more details and made her uncomfortable so she blocked him and let me know what happened, and apologized profusely for letting him know what bar (we go there a lot, but she didn't know better, I'm not mad). ​ My ex DM'd me on Twitter, which is the only form of contacting me I didn't have him blocked on, and told me he was going to sue me for defamation because I am telling lies about him and "committing character assassination." He also sent me a Cease and Desist letter attached in my DMs as a photo, that restated his intent to sue and "compensate for the damages done to \[his\] reputation." Can he do this? First of all, they are NOT lies, this is a true story about a horrible thing that actually happened. But more importantly, I don't use his name. Nobody knew it was about him until he freaked out and told someone. ​ What do I do? (Also, can I keep telling jokes about him?) | e8twxru | e8vhiga | 1,541,043,401 | 1,541,107,615 | 12 | 44 | considering the way he's apparently treated you regarding this situation I highly doubt the courts will find any liability for character assassination, as one needs to have character to begin with. | Sounds like he's giving you more material. Run with it. | 0 | 64,214 | 3.666667 |
9t4514 | legaladvice_train | 0.99 | Abusive ex-boyfriend is threatening to sue over a joke I told about him at an open mic [California] A few years ago I was in an extremely abusive relationship. ​ I am not a professional comedian, I don't make money from this (sometimes I get free drinks or something) and I have a day job that I'm not looking to quit. This is just a hobby. I go to open mic nights and tell jokes for fun. It's hard to explain this joke exactly without totally identifying myself which I don't want to do, but it's a pretty dark story about this fucked up thing my ex did to me once. Although it's not a funny situation, the way I tell it is pretty funny and it gets a big laugh. I do NOT use his name or any identifying info about him at any point. We live in a very large city, it's not like everyone automatically knows who I'm talking about. I'm not famous or anything. ​ Anyway, an acquaintance of mine recorded me telling this joke and put it on snapchat, and she apparently also knows him. This acquaintance did not send it to him directly or anything, and didn't even know he was the person I was talking about or that he and I knew each other. Total coincidence. ​ He saw it on snapchat, and sent her a lot of messages demanding to know where this was and what else I said about him. She told him the bar we were at at first, but he kept pressing for more details and made her uncomfortable so she blocked him and let me know what happened, and apologized profusely for letting him know what bar (we go there a lot, but she didn't know better, I'm not mad). ​ My ex DM'd me on Twitter, which is the only form of contacting me I didn't have him blocked on, and told me he was going to sue me for defamation because I am telling lies about him and "committing character assassination." He also sent me a Cease and Desist letter attached in my DMs as a photo, that restated his intent to sue and "compensate for the damages done to \[his\] reputation." Can he do this? First of all, they are NOT lies, this is a true story about a horrible thing that actually happened. But more importantly, I don't use his name. Nobody knew it was about him until he freaked out and told someone. ​ What do I do? (Also, can I keep telling jokes about him?) | e8tzfcx | e8vhiga | 1,541,046,629 | 1,541,107,615 | 10 | 44 | Not a lawyer, correct me if I'm wrong. Depending on what country you are in the burden of proof for defamation is different. In the USA he has to prove that you are lying and he probably can't. In the UK and Thailand (for example) its up to you to prove that you are telling the truth. | Sounds like he's giving you more material. Run with it. | 0 | 60,986 | 4.4 |
9t4514 | legaladvice_train | 0.99 | Abusive ex-boyfriend is threatening to sue over a joke I told about him at an open mic [California] A few years ago I was in an extremely abusive relationship. ​ I am not a professional comedian, I don't make money from this (sometimes I get free drinks or something) and I have a day job that I'm not looking to quit. This is just a hobby. I go to open mic nights and tell jokes for fun. It's hard to explain this joke exactly without totally identifying myself which I don't want to do, but it's a pretty dark story about this fucked up thing my ex did to me once. Although it's not a funny situation, the way I tell it is pretty funny and it gets a big laugh. I do NOT use his name or any identifying info about him at any point. We live in a very large city, it's not like everyone automatically knows who I'm talking about. I'm not famous or anything. ​ Anyway, an acquaintance of mine recorded me telling this joke and put it on snapchat, and she apparently also knows him. This acquaintance did not send it to him directly or anything, and didn't even know he was the person I was talking about or that he and I knew each other. Total coincidence. ​ He saw it on snapchat, and sent her a lot of messages demanding to know where this was and what else I said about him. She told him the bar we were at at first, but he kept pressing for more details and made her uncomfortable so she blocked him and let me know what happened, and apologized profusely for letting him know what bar (we go there a lot, but she didn't know better, I'm not mad). ​ My ex DM'd me on Twitter, which is the only form of contacting me I didn't have him blocked on, and told me he was going to sue me for defamation because I am telling lies about him and "committing character assassination." He also sent me a Cease and Desist letter attached in my DMs as a photo, that restated his intent to sue and "compensate for the damages done to \[his\] reputation." Can he do this? First of all, they are NOT lies, this is a true story about a horrible thing that actually happened. But more importantly, I don't use his name. Nobody knew it was about him until he freaked out and told someone. ​ What do I do? (Also, can I keep telling jokes about him?) | e8vhiga | e8u7mj8 | 1,541,107,615 | 1,541,062,306 | 44 | 11 | Sounds like he's giving you more material. Run with it. | If he sues you in court, the exposure may be worth it. The Streisand effect would allow your performance to go from a small group of friends to a public courtroom with possibly reporters. | 1 | 45,309 | 4 |
9t4514 | legaladvice_train | 0.99 | Abusive ex-boyfriend is threatening to sue over a joke I told about him at an open mic [California] A few years ago I was in an extremely abusive relationship. ​ I am not a professional comedian, I don't make money from this (sometimes I get free drinks or something) and I have a day job that I'm not looking to quit. This is just a hobby. I go to open mic nights and tell jokes for fun. It's hard to explain this joke exactly without totally identifying myself which I don't want to do, but it's a pretty dark story about this fucked up thing my ex did to me once. Although it's not a funny situation, the way I tell it is pretty funny and it gets a big laugh. I do NOT use his name or any identifying info about him at any point. We live in a very large city, it's not like everyone automatically knows who I'm talking about. I'm not famous or anything. ​ Anyway, an acquaintance of mine recorded me telling this joke and put it on snapchat, and she apparently also knows him. This acquaintance did not send it to him directly or anything, and didn't even know he was the person I was talking about or that he and I knew each other. Total coincidence. ​ He saw it on snapchat, and sent her a lot of messages demanding to know where this was and what else I said about him. She told him the bar we were at at first, but he kept pressing for more details and made her uncomfortable so she blocked him and let me know what happened, and apologized profusely for letting him know what bar (we go there a lot, but she didn't know better, I'm not mad). ​ My ex DM'd me on Twitter, which is the only form of contacting me I didn't have him blocked on, and told me he was going to sue me for defamation because I am telling lies about him and "committing character assassination." He also sent me a Cease and Desist letter attached in my DMs as a photo, that restated his intent to sue and "compensate for the damages done to \[his\] reputation." Can he do this? First of all, they are NOT lies, this is a true story about a horrible thing that actually happened. But more importantly, I don't use his name. Nobody knew it was about him until he freaked out and told someone. ​ What do I do? (Also, can I keep telling jokes about him?) | e8v03e9 | e8vhiga | 1,541,094,216 | 1,541,107,615 | 10 | 44 | Sounds like your ex is assuming this ultra-generic story is about him, when it is entirely possible you've had two exes who have put you in the same situation. He would have to prove the details make it evident that the person this story is about HAS to be about him. | Sounds like he's giving you more material. Run with it. | 0 | 13,399 | 4.4 |
9t4514 | legaladvice_train | 0.99 | Abusive ex-boyfriend is threatening to sue over a joke I told about him at an open mic [California] A few years ago I was in an extremely abusive relationship. ​ I am not a professional comedian, I don't make money from this (sometimes I get free drinks or something) and I have a day job that I'm not looking to quit. This is just a hobby. I go to open mic nights and tell jokes for fun. It's hard to explain this joke exactly without totally identifying myself which I don't want to do, but it's a pretty dark story about this fucked up thing my ex did to me once. Although it's not a funny situation, the way I tell it is pretty funny and it gets a big laugh. I do NOT use his name or any identifying info about him at any point. We live in a very large city, it's not like everyone automatically knows who I'm talking about. I'm not famous or anything. ​ Anyway, an acquaintance of mine recorded me telling this joke and put it on snapchat, and she apparently also knows him. This acquaintance did not send it to him directly or anything, and didn't even know he was the person I was talking about or that he and I knew each other. Total coincidence. ​ He saw it on snapchat, and sent her a lot of messages demanding to know where this was and what else I said about him. She told him the bar we were at at first, but he kept pressing for more details and made her uncomfortable so she blocked him and let me know what happened, and apologized profusely for letting him know what bar (we go there a lot, but she didn't know better, I'm not mad). ​ My ex DM'd me on Twitter, which is the only form of contacting me I didn't have him blocked on, and told me he was going to sue me for defamation because I am telling lies about him and "committing character assassination." He also sent me a Cease and Desist letter attached in my DMs as a photo, that restated his intent to sue and "compensate for the damages done to \[his\] reputation." Can he do this? First of all, they are NOT lies, this is a true story about a horrible thing that actually happened. But more importantly, I don't use his name. Nobody knew it was about him until he freaked out and told someone. ​ What do I do? (Also, can I keep telling jokes about him?) | e8txjhr | e8tj5ns | 1,541,044,118 | 1,541,029,061 | 30 | 23 | Add the Snapchat cease and desist to the end of your story. | You're fine. If you really are telling the truth then he doesn't have a basis for legal action. Like everyone always says around here if you get served you need to treat it seriously (lawyer) and respond appropriately. It would probably provide all sorts of good joke premises if he actually does follow through on the threat. Tell him to get bent, block him on twitter and please continue to tell jokes about him if they're funny. Probably best to leave his name out of it though as you have been doing. | 1 | 15,057 | 1.304348 |
9t4514 | legaladvice_train | 0.99 | Abusive ex-boyfriend is threatening to sue over a joke I told about him at an open mic [California] A few years ago I was in an extremely abusive relationship. ​ I am not a professional comedian, I don't make money from this (sometimes I get free drinks or something) and I have a day job that I'm not looking to quit. This is just a hobby. I go to open mic nights and tell jokes for fun. It's hard to explain this joke exactly without totally identifying myself which I don't want to do, but it's a pretty dark story about this fucked up thing my ex did to me once. Although it's not a funny situation, the way I tell it is pretty funny and it gets a big laugh. I do NOT use his name or any identifying info about him at any point. We live in a very large city, it's not like everyone automatically knows who I'm talking about. I'm not famous or anything. ​ Anyway, an acquaintance of mine recorded me telling this joke and put it on snapchat, and she apparently also knows him. This acquaintance did not send it to him directly or anything, and didn't even know he was the person I was talking about or that he and I knew each other. Total coincidence. ​ He saw it on snapchat, and sent her a lot of messages demanding to know where this was and what else I said about him. She told him the bar we were at at first, but he kept pressing for more details and made her uncomfortable so she blocked him and let me know what happened, and apologized profusely for letting him know what bar (we go there a lot, but she didn't know better, I'm not mad). ​ My ex DM'd me on Twitter, which is the only form of contacting me I didn't have him blocked on, and told me he was going to sue me for defamation because I am telling lies about him and "committing character assassination." He also sent me a Cease and Desist letter attached in my DMs as a photo, that restated his intent to sue and "compensate for the damages done to \[his\] reputation." Can he do this? First of all, they are NOT lies, this is a true story about a horrible thing that actually happened. But more importantly, I don't use his name. Nobody knew it was about him until he freaked out and told someone. ​ What do I do? (Also, can I keep telling jokes about him?) | e8tohin | e8txjhr | 1,541,034,455 | 1,541,044,118 | 17 | 30 | He can go pound sand. Truth is a complete defense, and even if it is false, if he is not identifiable then it is not defamation. If he actually has a lawyer send you something, then you can deal with it. And imagine all the stuff you have to add to your act now. Block him, ignore him, and good on you for escaping. | Add the Snapchat cease and desist to the end of your story. | 0 | 9,663 | 1.764706 |
9t4514 | legaladvice_train | 0.99 | Abusive ex-boyfriend is threatening to sue over a joke I told about him at an open mic [California] A few years ago I was in an extremely abusive relationship. ​ I am not a professional comedian, I don't make money from this (sometimes I get free drinks or something) and I have a day job that I'm not looking to quit. This is just a hobby. I go to open mic nights and tell jokes for fun. It's hard to explain this joke exactly without totally identifying myself which I don't want to do, but it's a pretty dark story about this fucked up thing my ex did to me once. Although it's not a funny situation, the way I tell it is pretty funny and it gets a big laugh. I do NOT use his name or any identifying info about him at any point. We live in a very large city, it's not like everyone automatically knows who I'm talking about. I'm not famous or anything. ​ Anyway, an acquaintance of mine recorded me telling this joke and put it on snapchat, and she apparently also knows him. This acquaintance did not send it to him directly or anything, and didn't even know he was the person I was talking about or that he and I knew each other. Total coincidence. ​ He saw it on snapchat, and sent her a lot of messages demanding to know where this was and what else I said about him. She told him the bar we were at at first, but he kept pressing for more details and made her uncomfortable so she blocked him and let me know what happened, and apologized profusely for letting him know what bar (we go there a lot, but she didn't know better, I'm not mad). ​ My ex DM'd me on Twitter, which is the only form of contacting me I didn't have him blocked on, and told me he was going to sue me for defamation because I am telling lies about him and "committing character assassination." He also sent me a Cease and Desist letter attached in my DMs as a photo, that restated his intent to sue and "compensate for the damages done to \[his\] reputation." Can he do this? First of all, they are NOT lies, this is a true story about a horrible thing that actually happened. But more importantly, I don't use his name. Nobody knew it was about him until he freaked out and told someone. ​ What do I do? (Also, can I keep telling jokes about him?) | e8twnkw | e8txjhr | 1,541,043,072 | 1,541,044,118 | 16 | 30 | Tangential question for the lawyers out there...is Twitter a real way to send a C&D? Doesn’t that need to be on physical paper to a proper address? | Add the Snapchat cease and desist to the end of your story. | 0 | 1,046 | 1.875 |
9t4514 | legaladvice_train | 0.99 | Abusive ex-boyfriend is threatening to sue over a joke I told about him at an open mic [California] A few years ago I was in an extremely abusive relationship. ​ I am not a professional comedian, I don't make money from this (sometimes I get free drinks or something) and I have a day job that I'm not looking to quit. This is just a hobby. I go to open mic nights and tell jokes for fun. It's hard to explain this joke exactly without totally identifying myself which I don't want to do, but it's a pretty dark story about this fucked up thing my ex did to me once. Although it's not a funny situation, the way I tell it is pretty funny and it gets a big laugh. I do NOT use his name or any identifying info about him at any point. We live in a very large city, it's not like everyone automatically knows who I'm talking about. I'm not famous or anything. ​ Anyway, an acquaintance of mine recorded me telling this joke and put it on snapchat, and she apparently also knows him. This acquaintance did not send it to him directly or anything, and didn't even know he was the person I was talking about or that he and I knew each other. Total coincidence. ​ He saw it on snapchat, and sent her a lot of messages demanding to know where this was and what else I said about him. She told him the bar we were at at first, but he kept pressing for more details and made her uncomfortable so she blocked him and let me know what happened, and apologized profusely for letting him know what bar (we go there a lot, but she didn't know better, I'm not mad). ​ My ex DM'd me on Twitter, which is the only form of contacting me I didn't have him blocked on, and told me he was going to sue me for defamation because I am telling lies about him and "committing character assassination." He also sent me a Cease and Desist letter attached in my DMs as a photo, that restated his intent to sue and "compensate for the damages done to \[his\] reputation." Can he do this? First of all, they are NOT lies, this is a true story about a horrible thing that actually happened. But more importantly, I don't use his name. Nobody knew it was about him until he freaked out and told someone. ​ What do I do? (Also, can I keep telling jokes about him?) | e8txjhr | e8twxru | 1,541,044,118 | 1,541,043,401 | 30 | 12 | Add the Snapchat cease and desist to the end of your story. | considering the way he's apparently treated you regarding this situation I highly doubt the courts will find any liability for character assassination, as one needs to have character to begin with. | 1 | 717 | 2.5 |
9t4514 | legaladvice_train | 0.99 | Abusive ex-boyfriend is threatening to sue over a joke I told about him at an open mic [California] A few years ago I was in an extremely abusive relationship. ​ I am not a professional comedian, I don't make money from this (sometimes I get free drinks or something) and I have a day job that I'm not looking to quit. This is just a hobby. I go to open mic nights and tell jokes for fun. It's hard to explain this joke exactly without totally identifying myself which I don't want to do, but it's a pretty dark story about this fucked up thing my ex did to me once. Although it's not a funny situation, the way I tell it is pretty funny and it gets a big laugh. I do NOT use his name or any identifying info about him at any point. We live in a very large city, it's not like everyone automatically knows who I'm talking about. I'm not famous or anything. ​ Anyway, an acquaintance of mine recorded me telling this joke and put it on snapchat, and she apparently also knows him. This acquaintance did not send it to him directly or anything, and didn't even know he was the person I was talking about or that he and I knew each other. Total coincidence. ​ He saw it on snapchat, and sent her a lot of messages demanding to know where this was and what else I said about him. She told him the bar we were at at first, but he kept pressing for more details and made her uncomfortable so she blocked him and let me know what happened, and apologized profusely for letting him know what bar (we go there a lot, but she didn't know better, I'm not mad). ​ My ex DM'd me on Twitter, which is the only form of contacting me I didn't have him blocked on, and told me he was going to sue me for defamation because I am telling lies about him and "committing character assassination." He also sent me a Cease and Desist letter attached in my DMs as a photo, that restated his intent to sue and "compensate for the damages done to \[his\] reputation." Can he do this? First of all, they are NOT lies, this is a true story about a horrible thing that actually happened. But more importantly, I don't use his name. Nobody knew it was about him until he freaked out and told someone. ​ What do I do? (Also, can I keep telling jokes about him?) | e8uhcfc | e8tj5ns | 1,541,077,948 | 1,541,029,061 | 24 | 23 | Besides the legal advice, I would let the bar know about this guy and give them a heads up that he knows about the bar and your sets and may show up | You're fine. If you really are telling the truth then he doesn't have a basis for legal action. Like everyone always says around here if you get served you need to treat it seriously (lawyer) and respond appropriately. It would probably provide all sorts of good joke premises if he actually does follow through on the threat. Tell him to get bent, block him on twitter and please continue to tell jokes about him if they're funny. Probably best to leave his name out of it though as you have been doing. | 1 | 48,887 | 1.043478 |
9t4514 | legaladvice_train | 0.99 | Abusive ex-boyfriend is threatening to sue over a joke I told about him at an open mic [California] A few years ago I was in an extremely abusive relationship. ​ I am not a professional comedian, I don't make money from this (sometimes I get free drinks or something) and I have a day job that I'm not looking to quit. This is just a hobby. I go to open mic nights and tell jokes for fun. It's hard to explain this joke exactly without totally identifying myself which I don't want to do, but it's a pretty dark story about this fucked up thing my ex did to me once. Although it's not a funny situation, the way I tell it is pretty funny and it gets a big laugh. I do NOT use his name or any identifying info about him at any point. We live in a very large city, it's not like everyone automatically knows who I'm talking about. I'm not famous or anything. ​ Anyway, an acquaintance of mine recorded me telling this joke and put it on snapchat, and she apparently also knows him. This acquaintance did not send it to him directly or anything, and didn't even know he was the person I was talking about or that he and I knew each other. Total coincidence. ​ He saw it on snapchat, and sent her a lot of messages demanding to know where this was and what else I said about him. She told him the bar we were at at first, but he kept pressing for more details and made her uncomfortable so she blocked him and let me know what happened, and apologized profusely for letting him know what bar (we go there a lot, but she didn't know better, I'm not mad). ​ My ex DM'd me on Twitter, which is the only form of contacting me I didn't have him blocked on, and told me he was going to sue me for defamation because I am telling lies about him and "committing character assassination." He also sent me a Cease and Desist letter attached in my DMs as a photo, that restated his intent to sue and "compensate for the damages done to \[his\] reputation." Can he do this? First of all, they are NOT lies, this is a true story about a horrible thing that actually happened. But more importantly, I don't use his name. Nobody knew it was about him until he freaked out and told someone. ​ What do I do? (Also, can I keep telling jokes about him?) | e8u12c3 | e8uhcfc | 1,541,048,952 | 1,541,077,948 | 17 | 24 | As has been mentioned, truth is a defense to defamation (technically not a defense, but an element is falsity so doesn't meet the definition). Jokes are protected from defamation suits, see Hustler magazine v. Falwell. Finally, California has an Anti-Slapp statute meaning if the law suit is frivolous not only can it be dismissed very early but you also get costs that ex bf has to pay. So you are fine. | Besides the legal advice, I would let the bar know about this guy and give them a heads up that he knows about the bar and your sets and may show up | 0 | 28,996 | 1.411765 |
9t4514 | legaladvice_train | 0.99 | Abusive ex-boyfriend is threatening to sue over a joke I told about him at an open mic [California] A few years ago I was in an extremely abusive relationship. ​ I am not a professional comedian, I don't make money from this (sometimes I get free drinks or something) and I have a day job that I'm not looking to quit. This is just a hobby. I go to open mic nights and tell jokes for fun. It's hard to explain this joke exactly without totally identifying myself which I don't want to do, but it's a pretty dark story about this fucked up thing my ex did to me once. Although it's not a funny situation, the way I tell it is pretty funny and it gets a big laugh. I do NOT use his name or any identifying info about him at any point. We live in a very large city, it's not like everyone automatically knows who I'm talking about. I'm not famous or anything. ​ Anyway, an acquaintance of mine recorded me telling this joke and put it on snapchat, and she apparently also knows him. This acquaintance did not send it to him directly or anything, and didn't even know he was the person I was talking about or that he and I knew each other. Total coincidence. ​ He saw it on snapchat, and sent her a lot of messages demanding to know where this was and what else I said about him. She told him the bar we were at at first, but he kept pressing for more details and made her uncomfortable so she blocked him and let me know what happened, and apologized profusely for letting him know what bar (we go there a lot, but she didn't know better, I'm not mad). ​ My ex DM'd me on Twitter, which is the only form of contacting me I didn't have him blocked on, and told me he was going to sue me for defamation because I am telling lies about him and "committing character assassination." He also sent me a Cease and Desist letter attached in my DMs as a photo, that restated his intent to sue and "compensate for the damages done to \[his\] reputation." Can he do this? First of all, they are NOT lies, this is a true story about a horrible thing that actually happened. But more importantly, I don't use his name. Nobody knew it was about him until he freaked out and told someone. ​ What do I do? (Also, can I keep telling jokes about him?) | e8tohin | e8uhcfc | 1,541,034,455 | 1,541,077,948 | 17 | 24 | He can go pound sand. Truth is a complete defense, and even if it is false, if he is not identifiable then it is not defamation. If he actually has a lawyer send you something, then you can deal with it. And imagine all the stuff you have to add to your act now. Block him, ignore him, and good on you for escaping. | Besides the legal advice, I would let the bar know about this guy and give them a heads up that he knows about the bar and your sets and may show up | 0 | 43,493 | 1.411765 |
9t4514 | legaladvice_train | 0.99 | Abusive ex-boyfriend is threatening to sue over a joke I told about him at an open mic [California] A few years ago I was in an extremely abusive relationship. ​ I am not a professional comedian, I don't make money from this (sometimes I get free drinks or something) and I have a day job that I'm not looking to quit. This is just a hobby. I go to open mic nights and tell jokes for fun. It's hard to explain this joke exactly without totally identifying myself which I don't want to do, but it's a pretty dark story about this fucked up thing my ex did to me once. Although it's not a funny situation, the way I tell it is pretty funny and it gets a big laugh. I do NOT use his name or any identifying info about him at any point. We live in a very large city, it's not like everyone automatically knows who I'm talking about. I'm not famous or anything. ​ Anyway, an acquaintance of mine recorded me telling this joke and put it on snapchat, and she apparently also knows him. This acquaintance did not send it to him directly or anything, and didn't even know he was the person I was talking about or that he and I knew each other. Total coincidence. ​ He saw it on snapchat, and sent her a lot of messages demanding to know where this was and what else I said about him. She told him the bar we were at at first, but he kept pressing for more details and made her uncomfortable so she blocked him and let me know what happened, and apologized profusely for letting him know what bar (we go there a lot, but she didn't know better, I'm not mad). ​ My ex DM'd me on Twitter, which is the only form of contacting me I didn't have him blocked on, and told me he was going to sue me for defamation because I am telling lies about him and "committing character assassination." He also sent me a Cease and Desist letter attached in my DMs as a photo, that restated his intent to sue and "compensate for the damages done to \[his\] reputation." Can he do this? First of all, they are NOT lies, this is a true story about a horrible thing that actually happened. But more importantly, I don't use his name. Nobody knew it was about him until he freaked out and told someone. ​ What do I do? (Also, can I keep telling jokes about him?) | e8uhcfc | e8twnkw | 1,541,077,948 | 1,541,043,072 | 24 | 16 | Besides the legal advice, I would let the bar know about this guy and give them a heads up that he knows about the bar and your sets and may show up | Tangential question for the lawyers out there...is Twitter a real way to send a C&D? Doesn’t that need to be on physical paper to a proper address? | 1 | 34,876 | 1.5 |
9t4514 | legaladvice_train | 0.99 | Abusive ex-boyfriend is threatening to sue over a joke I told about him at an open mic [California] A few years ago I was in an extremely abusive relationship. ​ I am not a professional comedian, I don't make money from this (sometimes I get free drinks or something) and I have a day job that I'm not looking to quit. This is just a hobby. I go to open mic nights and tell jokes for fun. It's hard to explain this joke exactly without totally identifying myself which I don't want to do, but it's a pretty dark story about this fucked up thing my ex did to me once. Although it's not a funny situation, the way I tell it is pretty funny and it gets a big laugh. I do NOT use his name or any identifying info about him at any point. We live in a very large city, it's not like everyone automatically knows who I'm talking about. I'm not famous or anything. ​ Anyway, an acquaintance of mine recorded me telling this joke and put it on snapchat, and she apparently also knows him. This acquaintance did not send it to him directly or anything, and didn't even know he was the person I was talking about or that he and I knew each other. Total coincidence. ​ He saw it on snapchat, and sent her a lot of messages demanding to know where this was and what else I said about him. She told him the bar we were at at first, but he kept pressing for more details and made her uncomfortable so she blocked him and let me know what happened, and apologized profusely for letting him know what bar (we go there a lot, but she didn't know better, I'm not mad). ​ My ex DM'd me on Twitter, which is the only form of contacting me I didn't have him blocked on, and told me he was going to sue me for defamation because I am telling lies about him and "committing character assassination." He also sent me a Cease and Desist letter attached in my DMs as a photo, that restated his intent to sue and "compensate for the damages done to \[his\] reputation." Can he do this? First of all, they are NOT lies, this is a true story about a horrible thing that actually happened. But more importantly, I don't use his name. Nobody knew it was about him until he freaked out and told someone. ​ What do I do? (Also, can I keep telling jokes about him?) | e8uhcfc | e8twxru | 1,541,077,948 | 1,541,043,401 | 24 | 12 | Besides the legal advice, I would let the bar know about this guy and give them a heads up that he knows about the bar and your sets and may show up | considering the way he's apparently treated you regarding this situation I highly doubt the courts will find any liability for character assassination, as one needs to have character to begin with. | 1 | 34,547 | 2 |
9t4514 | legaladvice_train | 0.99 | Abusive ex-boyfriend is threatening to sue over a joke I told about him at an open mic [California] A few years ago I was in an extremely abusive relationship. ​ I am not a professional comedian, I don't make money from this (sometimes I get free drinks or something) and I have a day job that I'm not looking to quit. This is just a hobby. I go to open mic nights and tell jokes for fun. It's hard to explain this joke exactly without totally identifying myself which I don't want to do, but it's a pretty dark story about this fucked up thing my ex did to me once. Although it's not a funny situation, the way I tell it is pretty funny and it gets a big laugh. I do NOT use his name or any identifying info about him at any point. We live in a very large city, it's not like everyone automatically knows who I'm talking about. I'm not famous or anything. ​ Anyway, an acquaintance of mine recorded me telling this joke and put it on snapchat, and she apparently also knows him. This acquaintance did not send it to him directly or anything, and didn't even know he was the person I was talking about or that he and I knew each other. Total coincidence. ​ He saw it on snapchat, and sent her a lot of messages demanding to know where this was and what else I said about him. She told him the bar we were at at first, but he kept pressing for more details and made her uncomfortable so she blocked him and let me know what happened, and apologized profusely for letting him know what bar (we go there a lot, but she didn't know better, I'm not mad). ​ My ex DM'd me on Twitter, which is the only form of contacting me I didn't have him blocked on, and told me he was going to sue me for defamation because I am telling lies about him and "committing character assassination." He also sent me a Cease and Desist letter attached in my DMs as a photo, that restated his intent to sue and "compensate for the damages done to \[his\] reputation." Can he do this? First of all, they are NOT lies, this is a true story about a horrible thing that actually happened. But more importantly, I don't use his name. Nobody knew it was about him until he freaked out and told someone. ​ What do I do? (Also, can I keep telling jokes about him?) | e8tzfcx | e8uhcfc | 1,541,046,629 | 1,541,077,948 | 10 | 24 | Not a lawyer, correct me if I'm wrong. Depending on what country you are in the burden of proof for defamation is different. In the USA he has to prove that you are lying and he probably can't. In the UK and Thailand (for example) its up to you to prove that you are telling the truth. | Besides the legal advice, I would let the bar know about this guy and give them a heads up that he knows about the bar and your sets and may show up | 0 | 31,319 | 2.4 |
9t4514 | legaladvice_train | 0.99 | Abusive ex-boyfriend is threatening to sue over a joke I told about him at an open mic [California] A few years ago I was in an extremely abusive relationship. ​ I am not a professional comedian, I don't make money from this (sometimes I get free drinks or something) and I have a day job that I'm not looking to quit. This is just a hobby. I go to open mic nights and tell jokes for fun. It's hard to explain this joke exactly without totally identifying myself which I don't want to do, but it's a pretty dark story about this fucked up thing my ex did to me once. Although it's not a funny situation, the way I tell it is pretty funny and it gets a big laugh. I do NOT use his name or any identifying info about him at any point. We live in a very large city, it's not like everyone automatically knows who I'm talking about. I'm not famous or anything. ​ Anyway, an acquaintance of mine recorded me telling this joke and put it on snapchat, and she apparently also knows him. This acquaintance did not send it to him directly or anything, and didn't even know he was the person I was talking about or that he and I knew each other. Total coincidence. ​ He saw it on snapchat, and sent her a lot of messages demanding to know where this was and what else I said about him. She told him the bar we were at at first, but he kept pressing for more details and made her uncomfortable so she blocked him and let me know what happened, and apologized profusely for letting him know what bar (we go there a lot, but she didn't know better, I'm not mad). ​ My ex DM'd me on Twitter, which is the only form of contacting me I didn't have him blocked on, and told me he was going to sue me for defamation because I am telling lies about him and "committing character assassination." He also sent me a Cease and Desist letter attached in my DMs as a photo, that restated his intent to sue and "compensate for the damages done to \[his\] reputation." Can he do this? First of all, they are NOT lies, this is a true story about a horrible thing that actually happened. But more importantly, I don't use his name. Nobody knew it was about him until he freaked out and told someone. ​ What do I do? (Also, can I keep telling jokes about him?) | e8uhcfc | e8u7mj8 | 1,541,077,948 | 1,541,062,306 | 24 | 11 | Besides the legal advice, I would let the bar know about this guy and give them a heads up that he knows about the bar and your sets and may show up | If he sues you in court, the exposure may be worth it. The Streisand effect would allow your performance to go from a small group of friends to a public courtroom with possibly reporters. | 1 | 15,642 | 2.181818 |
9t4514 | legaladvice_train | 0.99 | Abusive ex-boyfriend is threatening to sue over a joke I told about him at an open mic [California] A few years ago I was in an extremely abusive relationship. ​ I am not a professional comedian, I don't make money from this (sometimes I get free drinks or something) and I have a day job that I'm not looking to quit. This is just a hobby. I go to open mic nights and tell jokes for fun. It's hard to explain this joke exactly without totally identifying myself which I don't want to do, but it's a pretty dark story about this fucked up thing my ex did to me once. Although it's not a funny situation, the way I tell it is pretty funny and it gets a big laugh. I do NOT use his name or any identifying info about him at any point. We live in a very large city, it's not like everyone automatically knows who I'm talking about. I'm not famous or anything. ​ Anyway, an acquaintance of mine recorded me telling this joke and put it on snapchat, and she apparently also knows him. This acquaintance did not send it to him directly or anything, and didn't even know he was the person I was talking about or that he and I knew each other. Total coincidence. ​ He saw it on snapchat, and sent her a lot of messages demanding to know where this was and what else I said about him. She told him the bar we were at at first, but he kept pressing for more details and made her uncomfortable so she blocked him and let me know what happened, and apologized profusely for letting him know what bar (we go there a lot, but she didn't know better, I'm not mad). ​ My ex DM'd me on Twitter, which is the only form of contacting me I didn't have him blocked on, and told me he was going to sue me for defamation because I am telling lies about him and "committing character assassination." He also sent me a Cease and Desist letter attached in my DMs as a photo, that restated his intent to sue and "compensate for the damages done to \[his\] reputation." Can he do this? First of all, they are NOT lies, this is a true story about a horrible thing that actually happened. But more importantly, I don't use his name. Nobody knew it was about him until he freaked out and told someone. ​ What do I do? (Also, can I keep telling jokes about him?) | e8twnkw | e8u12c3 | 1,541,043,072 | 1,541,048,952 | 16 | 17 | Tangential question for the lawyers out there...is Twitter a real way to send a C&D? Doesn’t that need to be on physical paper to a proper address? | As has been mentioned, truth is a defense to defamation (technically not a defense, but an element is falsity so doesn't meet the definition). Jokes are protected from defamation suits, see Hustler magazine v. Falwell. Finally, California has an Anti-Slapp statute meaning if the law suit is frivolous not only can it be dismissed very early but you also get costs that ex bf has to pay. So you are fine. | 0 | 5,880 | 1.0625 |
9t4514 | legaladvice_train | 0.99 | Abusive ex-boyfriend is threatening to sue over a joke I told about him at an open mic [California] A few years ago I was in an extremely abusive relationship. ​ I am not a professional comedian, I don't make money from this (sometimes I get free drinks or something) and I have a day job that I'm not looking to quit. This is just a hobby. I go to open mic nights and tell jokes for fun. It's hard to explain this joke exactly without totally identifying myself which I don't want to do, but it's a pretty dark story about this fucked up thing my ex did to me once. Although it's not a funny situation, the way I tell it is pretty funny and it gets a big laugh. I do NOT use his name or any identifying info about him at any point. We live in a very large city, it's not like everyone automatically knows who I'm talking about. I'm not famous or anything. ​ Anyway, an acquaintance of mine recorded me telling this joke and put it on snapchat, and she apparently also knows him. This acquaintance did not send it to him directly or anything, and didn't even know he was the person I was talking about or that he and I knew each other. Total coincidence. ​ He saw it on snapchat, and sent her a lot of messages demanding to know where this was and what else I said about him. She told him the bar we were at at first, but he kept pressing for more details and made her uncomfortable so she blocked him and let me know what happened, and apologized profusely for letting him know what bar (we go there a lot, but she didn't know better, I'm not mad). ​ My ex DM'd me on Twitter, which is the only form of contacting me I didn't have him blocked on, and told me he was going to sue me for defamation because I am telling lies about him and "committing character assassination." He also sent me a Cease and Desist letter attached in my DMs as a photo, that restated his intent to sue and "compensate for the damages done to \[his\] reputation." Can he do this? First of all, they are NOT lies, this is a true story about a horrible thing that actually happened. But more importantly, I don't use his name. Nobody knew it was about him until he freaked out and told someone. ​ What do I do? (Also, can I keep telling jokes about him?) | e8twxru | e8u12c3 | 1,541,043,401 | 1,541,048,952 | 12 | 17 | considering the way he's apparently treated you regarding this situation I highly doubt the courts will find any liability for character assassination, as one needs to have character to begin with. | As has been mentioned, truth is a defense to defamation (technically not a defense, but an element is falsity so doesn't meet the definition). Jokes are protected from defamation suits, see Hustler magazine v. Falwell. Finally, California has an Anti-Slapp statute meaning if the law suit is frivolous not only can it be dismissed very early but you also get costs that ex bf has to pay. So you are fine. | 0 | 5,551 | 1.416667 |
9t4514 | legaladvice_train | 0.99 | Abusive ex-boyfriend is threatening to sue over a joke I told about him at an open mic [California] A few years ago I was in an extremely abusive relationship. ​ I am not a professional comedian, I don't make money from this (sometimes I get free drinks or something) and I have a day job that I'm not looking to quit. This is just a hobby. I go to open mic nights and tell jokes for fun. It's hard to explain this joke exactly without totally identifying myself which I don't want to do, but it's a pretty dark story about this fucked up thing my ex did to me once. Although it's not a funny situation, the way I tell it is pretty funny and it gets a big laugh. I do NOT use his name or any identifying info about him at any point. We live in a very large city, it's not like everyone automatically knows who I'm talking about. I'm not famous or anything. ​ Anyway, an acquaintance of mine recorded me telling this joke and put it on snapchat, and she apparently also knows him. This acquaintance did not send it to him directly or anything, and didn't even know he was the person I was talking about or that he and I knew each other. Total coincidence. ​ He saw it on snapchat, and sent her a lot of messages demanding to know where this was and what else I said about him. She told him the bar we were at at first, but he kept pressing for more details and made her uncomfortable so she blocked him and let me know what happened, and apologized profusely for letting him know what bar (we go there a lot, but she didn't know better, I'm not mad). ​ My ex DM'd me on Twitter, which is the only form of contacting me I didn't have him blocked on, and told me he was going to sue me for defamation because I am telling lies about him and "committing character assassination." He also sent me a Cease and Desist letter attached in my DMs as a photo, that restated his intent to sue and "compensate for the damages done to \[his\] reputation." Can he do this? First of all, they are NOT lies, this is a true story about a horrible thing that actually happened. But more importantly, I don't use his name. Nobody knew it was about him until he freaked out and told someone. ​ What do I do? (Also, can I keep telling jokes about him?) | e8tzfcx | e8u12c3 | 1,541,046,629 | 1,541,048,952 | 10 | 17 | Not a lawyer, correct me if I'm wrong. Depending on what country you are in the burden of proof for defamation is different. In the USA he has to prove that you are lying and he probably can't. In the UK and Thailand (for example) its up to you to prove that you are telling the truth. | As has been mentioned, truth is a defense to defamation (technically not a defense, but an element is falsity so doesn't meet the definition). Jokes are protected from defamation suits, see Hustler magazine v. Falwell. Finally, California has an Anti-Slapp statute meaning if the law suit is frivolous not only can it be dismissed very early but you also get costs that ex bf has to pay. So you are fine. | 0 | 2,323 | 1.7 |
9t4514 | legaladvice_train | 0.99 | Abusive ex-boyfriend is threatening to sue over a joke I told about him at an open mic [California] A few years ago I was in an extremely abusive relationship. ​ I am not a professional comedian, I don't make money from this (sometimes I get free drinks or something) and I have a day job that I'm not looking to quit. This is just a hobby. I go to open mic nights and tell jokes for fun. It's hard to explain this joke exactly without totally identifying myself which I don't want to do, but it's a pretty dark story about this fucked up thing my ex did to me once. Although it's not a funny situation, the way I tell it is pretty funny and it gets a big laugh. I do NOT use his name or any identifying info about him at any point. We live in a very large city, it's not like everyone automatically knows who I'm talking about. I'm not famous or anything. ​ Anyway, an acquaintance of mine recorded me telling this joke and put it on snapchat, and she apparently also knows him. This acquaintance did not send it to him directly or anything, and didn't even know he was the person I was talking about or that he and I knew each other. Total coincidence. ​ He saw it on snapchat, and sent her a lot of messages demanding to know where this was and what else I said about him. She told him the bar we were at at first, but he kept pressing for more details and made her uncomfortable so she blocked him and let me know what happened, and apologized profusely for letting him know what bar (we go there a lot, but she didn't know better, I'm not mad). ​ My ex DM'd me on Twitter, which is the only form of contacting me I didn't have him blocked on, and told me he was going to sue me for defamation because I am telling lies about him and "committing character assassination." He also sent me a Cease and Desist letter attached in my DMs as a photo, that restated his intent to sue and "compensate for the damages done to \[his\] reputation." Can he do this? First of all, they are NOT lies, this is a true story about a horrible thing that actually happened. But more importantly, I don't use his name. Nobody knew it was about him until he freaked out and told someone. ​ What do I do? (Also, can I keep telling jokes about him?) | e8tzfcx | e8u7mj8 | 1,541,046,629 | 1,541,062,306 | 10 | 11 | Not a lawyer, correct me if I'm wrong. Depending on what country you are in the burden of proof for defamation is different. In the USA he has to prove that you are lying and he probably can't. In the UK and Thailand (for example) its up to you to prove that you are telling the truth. | If he sues you in court, the exposure may be worth it. The Streisand effect would allow your performance to go from a small group of friends to a public courtroom with possibly reporters. | 0 | 15,677 | 1.1 |
vgisij | legaladvice_train | 0.97 | I think my brother just fucked all of our family over with the family business. My father started his trucking company about 6 years ago. My brother saw how much money he was making an immediately jumped in to “help” him grow his company. It in fact grew my dad hardly and days off, missed almost all holidays even Christmas and New Years thinking he was building something and although the company started to make over half a million dollars my brother would gaslight him over and over confuse him with payments and make it look like the company was always on the verge of bankruptcy. My dad even had a lower salary then the drivers hired of the other trucks. It goes on and on. But the worse part is we now realize he took out about 800,000 dlls in ppp loans which was also fraud because the company did not need it he used it all for personal expenses. The company is only under my dads name. He says the loans are under his name but we don’t believe anything at this point. Now my sister and I also feel involved because we started working driving for them back in November and his form of payments was Zelle. He would also send money 35 k a year to my mom out the company account for house expenses. We Feel like it now looks like we were all involved in the ppp loan fraud and everything else. My dad refuses to seek legal help but I want to know if we could all be held accountable and how bad this is if we are audited, how do we help my dad safely separate his trucks from all this without turning my brother in. | id1pbe6 | id1pbnt | 1,655,723,685 | 1,655,723,691 | 166 | 174 | If the government follows up on the potential PPP loan fraud, it may come down to coughing up the brother in order to protect your dad. It's not easy to convict someone of something that they didn't actually *do*, so hopefully an auditor or investigator looking through the records would see that it was your brother and not your dad who committed the actual crimes (if crimes were committed). If your brother sent money from the PPP loan funds to your mother that she should not have received, that doesn't mean your mother would be charged with a crime -- but very likely she could be forced to pay the money back. Each of these is potentially a separate issue. How do you protect your dad -- that might require talking to a criminal lawyer and a civil lawyer familiar with government programs. There is a cottage industry forming of lawyers representing clients who may be implicated in PPP loan fraud, so it should be possible to find one who can help figure out what exposure your father and your mother each have. And then there's the lawyer who can help unravel whether your brother defrauded your father and/or the father's business. If the business isn't incorporated, your father probably has the discretion to decide whether or not to sue your brother. If it's incorporated and pays corporate income tax or files a corporate tax return, it may not be possible to legally report the business' finances without implicating your brother. Someone willing to commit government loan fraud and implicate their parents in the process *probably* isn't above embezzling from their parents' business. | This is far beyond the scope of the forum. You need a lawyer immediately. | 0 | 6 | 1.048193 |
vgisij | legaladvice_train | 0.97 | I think my brother just fucked all of our family over with the family business. My father started his trucking company about 6 years ago. My brother saw how much money he was making an immediately jumped in to “help” him grow his company. It in fact grew my dad hardly and days off, missed almost all holidays even Christmas and New Years thinking he was building something and although the company started to make over half a million dollars my brother would gaslight him over and over confuse him with payments and make it look like the company was always on the verge of bankruptcy. My dad even had a lower salary then the drivers hired of the other trucks. It goes on and on. But the worse part is we now realize he took out about 800,000 dlls in ppp loans which was also fraud because the company did not need it he used it all for personal expenses. The company is only under my dads name. He says the loans are under his name but we don’t believe anything at this point. Now my sister and I also feel involved because we started working driving for them back in November and his form of payments was Zelle. He would also send money 35 k a year to my mom out the company account for house expenses. We Feel like it now looks like we were all involved in the ppp loan fraud and everything else. My dad refuses to seek legal help but I want to know if we could all be held accountable and how bad this is if we are audited, how do we help my dad safely separate his trucks from all this without turning my brother in. | id2f2ha | id1ycr9 | 1,655,737,847 | 1,655,729,564 | 88 | 46 | >My dad refuses to seek legal help You, your mother, and any non criminal siblings need to sit down as a united front and tell your Dad that you all refuse to be held accountable and that he has no choice but to seek legal recourse. You should also independently seek a lawyer. Especially your Mother. | This is not something you want free internet advice from non-lawyers. Real lawyers don’t post on this sub beyond “get a lawyer” because the mere act of providing legal advice without the proper client intake procedure is often an ethical violation. This is nearly a million dollar issue. Do not take anything from this forum except “talk to a lawyer”. Your situation is going to be extremely fact specific and any other advice than “talk to a lawyer” will potentially end up doing more harm than good. | 1 | 8,283 | 1.913043 |
vgisij | legaladvice_train | 0.97 | I think my brother just fucked all of our family over with the family business. My father started his trucking company about 6 years ago. My brother saw how much money he was making an immediately jumped in to “help” him grow his company. It in fact grew my dad hardly and days off, missed almost all holidays even Christmas and New Years thinking he was building something and although the company started to make over half a million dollars my brother would gaslight him over and over confuse him with payments and make it look like the company was always on the verge of bankruptcy. My dad even had a lower salary then the drivers hired of the other trucks. It goes on and on. But the worse part is we now realize he took out about 800,000 dlls in ppp loans which was also fraud because the company did not need it he used it all for personal expenses. The company is only under my dads name. He says the loans are under his name but we don’t believe anything at this point. Now my sister and I also feel involved because we started working driving for them back in November and his form of payments was Zelle. He would also send money 35 k a year to my mom out the company account for house expenses. We Feel like it now looks like we were all involved in the ppp loan fraud and everything else. My dad refuses to seek legal help but I want to know if we could all be held accountable and how bad this is if we are audited, how do we help my dad safely separate his trucks from all this without turning my brother in. | id27kfl | id2f2ha | 1,655,734,398 | 1,655,737,847 | 25 | 88 | Not a lawyer - You really need a good CPA who has experience in doing some level of forensic accounting - essentially unwinding the convoluted ball of a paper trail you have here. You also need a good attorney, again with some background of 1) working with CPAs and 2) internal fraud. It might not take all that much time for the CPA to get their arms around what and how things transpired, providing the background, along with the organized details to the attorney, who can evaluate then evaluate the situation and thereby create a factually based defense for your Dad (and the rest of the family), if and when the gov come for an accounting of the PPP funds. Also, one benefit from all of this, is the CPA can help you set up the books, and provide a set of controls for the company's accounting and billing/receiving system. This will help everyone understand the profitability of the company and where it stands, help the firm run more efficiently - and help with income taxes. The attorney beyond your initial needs can help with contracts, and agreements, help with the reorganization of the company (LLC, etc.) and just overall operations. Bottom line is that you may just need to cut your brother loose to save your Dad and the rest of the family. | >My dad refuses to seek legal help You, your mother, and any non criminal siblings need to sit down as a united front and tell your Dad that you all refuse to be held accountable and that he has no choice but to seek legal recourse. You should also independently seek a lawyer. Especially your Mother. | 0 | 3,449 | 3.52 |
vgisij | legaladvice_train | 0.97 | I think my brother just fucked all of our family over with the family business. My father started his trucking company about 6 years ago. My brother saw how much money he was making an immediately jumped in to “help” him grow his company. It in fact grew my dad hardly and days off, missed almost all holidays even Christmas and New Years thinking he was building something and although the company started to make over half a million dollars my brother would gaslight him over and over confuse him with payments and make it look like the company was always on the verge of bankruptcy. My dad even had a lower salary then the drivers hired of the other trucks. It goes on and on. But the worse part is we now realize he took out about 800,000 dlls in ppp loans which was also fraud because the company did not need it he used it all for personal expenses. The company is only under my dads name. He says the loans are under his name but we don’t believe anything at this point. Now my sister and I also feel involved because we started working driving for them back in November and his form of payments was Zelle. He would also send money 35 k a year to my mom out the company account for house expenses. We Feel like it now looks like we were all involved in the ppp loan fraud and everything else. My dad refuses to seek legal help but I want to know if we could all be held accountable and how bad this is if we are audited, how do we help my dad safely separate his trucks from all this without turning my brother in. | id2cvoh | id2f2ha | 1,655,736,869 | 1,655,737,847 | 12 | 88 | Go to an actual lawyer. This is far beyond what any of us can provide without being there and looking at the books. Go to your local BAR association and ask for the recommended fraud lawyer, another comment mentioned having a CPA and I stand by that as well. Your dad is going to be investigated as well since the business is in his name, but your lawyer will be able to help protect him from any charges. | >My dad refuses to seek legal help You, your mother, and any non criminal siblings need to sit down as a united front and tell your Dad that you all refuse to be held accountable and that he has no choice but to seek legal recourse. You should also independently seek a lawyer. Especially your Mother. | 0 | 978 | 7.333333 |
vgisij | legaladvice_train | 0.97 | I think my brother just fucked all of our family over with the family business. My father started his trucking company about 6 years ago. My brother saw how much money he was making an immediately jumped in to “help” him grow his company. It in fact grew my dad hardly and days off, missed almost all holidays even Christmas and New Years thinking he was building something and although the company started to make over half a million dollars my brother would gaslight him over and over confuse him with payments and make it look like the company was always on the verge of bankruptcy. My dad even had a lower salary then the drivers hired of the other trucks. It goes on and on. But the worse part is we now realize he took out about 800,000 dlls in ppp loans which was also fraud because the company did not need it he used it all for personal expenses. The company is only under my dads name. He says the loans are under his name but we don’t believe anything at this point. Now my sister and I also feel involved because we started working driving for them back in November and his form of payments was Zelle. He would also send money 35 k a year to my mom out the company account for house expenses. We Feel like it now looks like we were all involved in the ppp loan fraud and everything else. My dad refuses to seek legal help but I want to know if we could all be held accountable and how bad this is if we are audited, how do we help my dad safely separate his trucks from all this without turning my brother in. | id2cvoh | id2gb4d | 1,655,736,869 | 1,655,738,402 | 12 | 16 | Go to an actual lawyer. This is far beyond what any of us can provide without being there and looking at the books. Go to your local BAR association and ask for the recommended fraud lawyer, another comment mentioned having a CPA and I stand by that as well. Your dad is going to be investigated as well since the business is in his name, but your lawyer will be able to help protect him from any charges. | Your dad needs to hire a lawyer immediately to remove all of your brother's ability to deal on behalf of the company and then needs to have that lawyer review everything and assess the damage and ability to recover. Did your parents, you and sister pay taxes on your income? There are a ton of issues here. It is very unlikely that there is a solution that doesn't involve significant consequences for your brother. | 0 | 1,533 | 1.333333 |
vgisij | legaladvice_train | 0.97 | I think my brother just fucked all of our family over with the family business. My father started his trucking company about 6 years ago. My brother saw how much money he was making an immediately jumped in to “help” him grow his company. It in fact grew my dad hardly and days off, missed almost all holidays even Christmas and New Years thinking he was building something and although the company started to make over half a million dollars my brother would gaslight him over and over confuse him with payments and make it look like the company was always on the verge of bankruptcy. My dad even had a lower salary then the drivers hired of the other trucks. It goes on and on. But the worse part is we now realize he took out about 800,000 dlls in ppp loans which was also fraud because the company did not need it he used it all for personal expenses. The company is only under my dads name. He says the loans are under his name but we don’t believe anything at this point. Now my sister and I also feel involved because we started working driving for them back in November and his form of payments was Zelle. He would also send money 35 k a year to my mom out the company account for house expenses. We Feel like it now looks like we were all involved in the ppp loan fraud and everything else. My dad refuses to seek legal help but I want to know if we could all be held accountable and how bad this is if we are audited, how do we help my dad safely separate his trucks from all this without turning my brother in. | id2kff9 | id2lqlb | 1,655,740,206 | 1,655,740,775 | 5 | 10 | I am not a lawyer, but not getting this issue sorted out right now puts your dad and everyone else involved at risk in the future -- if you don't hold your brother accountable now, what makes you think he'll stop behaving illegally/unethically in this business? Don't let your brother dig your family into an even deeper hole! | Hey, I’ve been in commercial/residential construction for over 30 years. I have seen this same basic scenario play out hundreds of times. Has your brother enriched himself greatly? Normally that’s how these types of things play out. Lake house, cars, trucks, toys, extravagant vacations. If so your brother has totaled your family like a drunk driver plowing through a marathon race. Lawyer up. Lawyer up. Lawyer up. To protect yourself, your family, the family company and your employees. Hire a forensic accountant and an attorney that deals with business. | 0 | 569 | 2 |
vgisij | legaladvice_train | 0.97 | I think my brother just fucked all of our family over with the family business. My father started his trucking company about 6 years ago. My brother saw how much money he was making an immediately jumped in to “help” him grow his company. It in fact grew my dad hardly and days off, missed almost all holidays even Christmas and New Years thinking he was building something and although the company started to make over half a million dollars my brother would gaslight him over and over confuse him with payments and make it look like the company was always on the verge of bankruptcy. My dad even had a lower salary then the drivers hired of the other trucks. It goes on and on. But the worse part is we now realize he took out about 800,000 dlls in ppp loans which was also fraud because the company did not need it he used it all for personal expenses. The company is only under my dads name. He says the loans are under his name but we don’t believe anything at this point. Now my sister and I also feel involved because we started working driving for them back in November and his form of payments was Zelle. He would also send money 35 k a year to my mom out the company account for house expenses. We Feel like it now looks like we were all involved in the ppp loan fraud and everything else. My dad refuses to seek legal help but I want to know if we could all be held accountable and how bad this is if we are audited, how do we help my dad safely separate his trucks from all this without turning my brother in. | id2mwin | id2kff9 | 1,655,741,277 | 1,655,740,206 | 9 | 5 | You need an attorney and a forensic CPA. Full stop. | I am not a lawyer, but not getting this issue sorted out right now puts your dad and everyone else involved at risk in the future -- if you don't hold your brother accountable now, what makes you think he'll stop behaving illegally/unethically in this business? Don't let your brother dig your family into an even deeper hole! | 1 | 1,071 | 1.8 |
vgisij | legaladvice_train | 0.97 | I think my brother just fucked all of our family over with the family business. My father started his trucking company about 6 years ago. My brother saw how much money he was making an immediately jumped in to “help” him grow his company. It in fact grew my dad hardly and days off, missed almost all holidays even Christmas and New Years thinking he was building something and although the company started to make over half a million dollars my brother would gaslight him over and over confuse him with payments and make it look like the company was always on the verge of bankruptcy. My dad even had a lower salary then the drivers hired of the other trucks. It goes on and on. But the worse part is we now realize he took out about 800,000 dlls in ppp loans which was also fraud because the company did not need it he used it all for personal expenses. The company is only under my dads name. He says the loans are under his name but we don’t believe anything at this point. Now my sister and I also feel involved because we started working driving for them back in November and his form of payments was Zelle. He would also send money 35 k a year to my mom out the company account for house expenses. We Feel like it now looks like we were all involved in the ppp loan fraud and everything else. My dad refuses to seek legal help but I want to know if we could all be held accountable and how bad this is if we are audited, how do we help my dad safely separate his trucks from all this without turning my brother in. | id2tv1o | id2q4t3 | 1,655,744,237 | 1,655,742,653 | 3 | 2 | You need a CPA and a Lawyer this is way beyond credit. | You need a professional to look at this, but the PPP thing may not be a problem for the business. If he did not submit fraudulent payroll forms/ gross revenue calculations, then the company did probably qualify, even though you didn’t “need the money” You were required to have payroll in excess of the 800k during the PPP covered period(s) in order to have the loans forgiven. If that’s the case, then you may not have an issue with the SBA. | 1 | 1,584 | 1.5 |
7mhj22 | legaladvice_train | 0.73 | (WI) Mother of my son refuses to be a parent and tries to extort money from me to fuel her lifestyle. Is it legal for me to cut all contact? I've been the only parent in my son's life for six years. The mom doesn't pay child support. She's a drug dealer and prostitute who has been to jail four times and still continues her lifestyle of partying and sex with random men. We conceived him when I was 17 and doing things I shouldn't have been doing at the time. She has been blackmailing me about both real and imaginary things to try to get me to give her money to fuel her lifestyle. I don't have money because I'm in college and a parent, and neither of those things are comprehensible to her. Lately she's been saying he's not actually my son but won't consent to a DNA test. She knows I get a lot of shitty looks because he looks nothing like me, and I take her allegations as harassment. She thinks she can get me on the hook for kidnapping and child molestation if I don't give her money. I know if I take her to court, she will lie about those things and also tell the truth about how I did drugs when I was 17. I'll go to jail and our son will get put in foster care and be abused and neglected. Am I fine with going no contact with the mom? Is there a way I can cover my ass if accused of those false crimes by the police? What will happen to me legally if she starts naming another person as the father, and on the off chance that it's true? | drtyyub | drtyvbi | 1,514,406,743 | 1,514,406,632 | 41 | 12 | > I know if I take her to court, she will lie about those things and also tell the truth about how I did drugs when I was 17. Frankly, so what? Unless you're doing drugs _now_, what you did at 17 has no bearing on a paternity and custody dispute. You won't obviously face charges unless you're still doing illegal things at home, either: one person's say-so, even under oath, is not enough to uphold a drug conviction, especially six years after the fact. At worst, it might support a search warrant, but I'd be shocked if the police even took notice of it: parents accuse each other of all sorts of heinous things during custody disputes, and the police have better things to do than to chase down what's fairly likely to be a half-truth at best. > Lately she's been saying he's not actually my son but won't consent to a DNA test. Consent would be irrelevant if you filed for paternity. A court order isn't a polite request, and if you're granted an order for a paternity test, your alleged co-parent can be held in contempt if she frustrates it or refuses to comply. That could lead to a dressing-down by a judge, or to a fine, or potentially to jail time if she really makes an effort to frustrate the order. Or, if your alleged kid is with you, just go get one. You don't need the other parent to sign off on it. The same goes the other way, though. If there's reason to believe you might be the father, then your co-parent can file, and you will have to comply. With all of that said, let's talk strategy. If you've been caring for this kid as a father, walking out of his life is a cruel thing to do. I understand wanting to put the mother out of your life, but given that you've been acting as a father for six years, recognize that there's a good chance that you could be found to _be_ the father unless the actual genetic father steps forwards and all three of you agree that it's in the child's best interests. If you walk - and you can, there's nothing illegal about it until there's a court order, provided you don't abandon your child unattended somewhere or otherwise endanger him - expect your co-parent to file for a paternity order more or less immediately. With that in mind, get ahead of it. Get an attorney and file for a paternity order and a formal custody plan. If your kid spends most of his time with you, you may also be owed child support going forwards. Conversely, if your kid spends most of his time with the mother but the mother's conduct demonstrably endangers your kid, you can move to have primary custody awarded to you, so that you can give him a safer home. A formal custody order with support nailed down will put a stop to a lot of this. It creates a formal process for changing the visitation schedule and the amounts owed, and for enforcing the order, that neither parent can change without petitioning the courts and giving the other parent an opportunity to be heard. If you want to stop feeling like your co-parent is extorting you to try to get money you can't afford to pay, going to court is your _best_ way forwards. | >I know if I take her to court, she will lie about those things and also tell the truth about how I did drugs when I was 17. I'll go to jail and our son will get put in foster care and be abused and neglected. If every client I had went to jail because they did drugs, I'd have very little clients. How old are you now? How long has the kid lived with you? How old is the kid now? Is there a custody order? If not, were you married at the time you had the kid? | 1 | 111 | 3.416667 |
7mhj22 | legaladvice_train | 0.73 | (WI) Mother of my son refuses to be a parent and tries to extort money from me to fuel her lifestyle. Is it legal for me to cut all contact? I've been the only parent in my son's life for six years. The mom doesn't pay child support. She's a drug dealer and prostitute who has been to jail four times and still continues her lifestyle of partying and sex with random men. We conceived him when I was 17 and doing things I shouldn't have been doing at the time. She has been blackmailing me about both real and imaginary things to try to get me to give her money to fuel her lifestyle. I don't have money because I'm in college and a parent, and neither of those things are comprehensible to her. Lately she's been saying he's not actually my son but won't consent to a DNA test. She knows I get a lot of shitty looks because he looks nothing like me, and I take her allegations as harassment. She thinks she can get me on the hook for kidnapping and child molestation if I don't give her money. I know if I take her to court, she will lie about those things and also tell the truth about how I did drugs when I was 17. I'll go to jail and our son will get put in foster care and be abused and neglected. Am I fine with going no contact with the mom? Is there a way I can cover my ass if accused of those false crimes by the police? What will happen to me legally if she starts naming another person as the father, and on the off chance that it's true? | drtyv7g | drtyyub | 1,514,406,629 | 1,514,406,743 | 7 | 41 | >I know if I take her to court, she will lie about those things and also tell the truth about how I did drugs when I was 17. I'll go to jail and our son will get put in foster care and be abused and neglected. What makes you so sure about that? | > I know if I take her to court, she will lie about those things and also tell the truth about how I did drugs when I was 17. Frankly, so what? Unless you're doing drugs _now_, what you did at 17 has no bearing on a paternity and custody dispute. You won't obviously face charges unless you're still doing illegal things at home, either: one person's say-so, even under oath, is not enough to uphold a drug conviction, especially six years after the fact. At worst, it might support a search warrant, but I'd be shocked if the police even took notice of it: parents accuse each other of all sorts of heinous things during custody disputes, and the police have better things to do than to chase down what's fairly likely to be a half-truth at best. > Lately she's been saying he's not actually my son but won't consent to a DNA test. Consent would be irrelevant if you filed for paternity. A court order isn't a polite request, and if you're granted an order for a paternity test, your alleged co-parent can be held in contempt if she frustrates it or refuses to comply. That could lead to a dressing-down by a judge, or to a fine, or potentially to jail time if she really makes an effort to frustrate the order. Or, if your alleged kid is with you, just go get one. You don't need the other parent to sign off on it. The same goes the other way, though. If there's reason to believe you might be the father, then your co-parent can file, and you will have to comply. With all of that said, let's talk strategy. If you've been caring for this kid as a father, walking out of his life is a cruel thing to do. I understand wanting to put the mother out of your life, but given that you've been acting as a father for six years, recognize that there's a good chance that you could be found to _be_ the father unless the actual genetic father steps forwards and all three of you agree that it's in the child's best interests. If you walk - and you can, there's nothing illegal about it until there's a court order, provided you don't abandon your child unattended somewhere or otherwise endanger him - expect your co-parent to file for a paternity order more or less immediately. With that in mind, get ahead of it. Get an attorney and file for a paternity order and a formal custody plan. If your kid spends most of his time with you, you may also be owed child support going forwards. Conversely, if your kid spends most of his time with the mother but the mother's conduct demonstrably endangers your kid, you can move to have primary custody awarded to you, so that you can give him a safer home. A formal custody order with support nailed down will put a stop to a lot of this. It creates a formal process for changing the visitation schedule and the amounts owed, and for enforcing the order, that neither parent can change without petitioning the courts and giving the other parent an opportunity to be heard. If you want to stop feeling like your co-parent is extorting you to try to get money you can't afford to pay, going to court is your _best_ way forwards. | 0 | 114 | 5.857143 |
7mhj22 | legaladvice_train | 0.73 | (WI) Mother of my son refuses to be a parent and tries to extort money from me to fuel her lifestyle. Is it legal for me to cut all contact? I've been the only parent in my son's life for six years. The mom doesn't pay child support. She's a drug dealer and prostitute who has been to jail four times and still continues her lifestyle of partying and sex with random men. We conceived him when I was 17 and doing things I shouldn't have been doing at the time. She has been blackmailing me about both real and imaginary things to try to get me to give her money to fuel her lifestyle. I don't have money because I'm in college and a parent, and neither of those things are comprehensible to her. Lately she's been saying he's not actually my son but won't consent to a DNA test. She knows I get a lot of shitty looks because he looks nothing like me, and I take her allegations as harassment. She thinks she can get me on the hook for kidnapping and child molestation if I don't give her money. I know if I take her to court, she will lie about those things and also tell the truth about how I did drugs when I was 17. I'll go to jail and our son will get put in foster care and be abused and neglected. Am I fine with going no contact with the mom? Is there a way I can cover my ass if accused of those false crimes by the police? What will happen to me legally if she starts naming another person as the father, and on the off chance that it's true? | drtyv7g | drtyvbi | 1,514,406,629 | 1,514,406,632 | 7 | 12 | >I know if I take her to court, she will lie about those things and also tell the truth about how I did drugs when I was 17. I'll go to jail and our son will get put in foster care and be abused and neglected. What makes you so sure about that? | >I know if I take her to court, she will lie about those things and also tell the truth about how I did drugs when I was 17. I'll go to jail and our son will get put in foster care and be abused and neglected. If every client I had went to jail because they did drugs, I'd have very little clients. How old are you now? How long has the kid lived with you? How old is the kid now? Is there a custody order? If not, were you married at the time you had the kid? | 0 | 3 | 1.714286 |
7mhj22 | legaladvice_train | 0.73 | (WI) Mother of my son refuses to be a parent and tries to extort money from me to fuel her lifestyle. Is it legal for me to cut all contact? I've been the only parent in my son's life for six years. The mom doesn't pay child support. She's a drug dealer and prostitute who has been to jail four times and still continues her lifestyle of partying and sex with random men. We conceived him when I was 17 and doing things I shouldn't have been doing at the time. She has been blackmailing me about both real and imaginary things to try to get me to give her money to fuel her lifestyle. I don't have money because I'm in college and a parent, and neither of those things are comprehensible to her. Lately she's been saying he's not actually my son but won't consent to a DNA test. She knows I get a lot of shitty looks because he looks nothing like me, and I take her allegations as harassment. She thinks she can get me on the hook for kidnapping and child molestation if I don't give her money. I know if I take her to court, she will lie about those things and also tell the truth about how I did drugs when I was 17. I'll go to jail and our son will get put in foster care and be abused and neglected. Am I fine with going no contact with the mom? Is there a way I can cover my ass if accused of those false crimes by the police? What will happen to me legally if she starts naming another person as the father, and on the off chance that it's true? | drtyv7g | drul9nq | 1,514,406,629 | 1,514,434,724 | 7 | 8 | >I know if I take her to court, she will lie about those things and also tell the truth about how I did drugs when I was 17. I'll go to jail and our son will get put in foster care and be abused and neglected. What makes you so sure about that? | Why does the mother need to consent to the DNA test if the child lives with you? Get one of the drug store tests and use it on yourself and your son while you have him and at least then you'll know if you need to take additional legal steps to establish paternity or if a DNA test will support your claim on it's own. The drug store tests won't be useful in court but you'll have more information than before so you can plan. | 0 | 28,095 | 1.142857 |
w62c2p | legaladvice_train | 0.92 | If I buy an undeveloped plot of land in a residential zone, can I build a little shack and camp on it? I know it might sound weird, but there's a little plot of land for sale on the outskirts of my town and I'm considering attempting to buy it cheap. However, I don't want to build a house on it, outside of maybe a "tiny home" style shack with no plumbing, electrical, or anything of the like, and I'd mainly like to use it for recreational activities (like a backyard basically). Would I potentially get in trouble for doing so? | ihbxvr4 | ihboom7 | 1,658,589,643 | 1,658,585,514 | 17 | 4 | Beyond "residential" you need to figure out what the specific zoning is (for example, in my county R15 is a 1/3 acre lot, R20 is a 1/2 acre lot, and they have different rules). It's probably on the listing if it's a vacant lot. Otherwise, go through your city/county website and try to find it through the property appraiser, tax assessor, or GIS (geographic information systems) department. Many localities have property information on a platform called qpublic. Google "[your city] zoning ordinance." You should be able to find the full text through a site like municode, justia, or your city/county might have it available online. But if it's in an established residential area, it's likely going to be frowned upon if not specifically outlawed. | Check your local municipal code. Should have zoning regulations and building regulations. (usually these are electronic and online so you can search them.) Some have explicit anti camping ordinances or regulations on temporary dwellings (inclusive of RVs that aren't just being stored) and will have specific regulations as to what is permissible in residential zones. You can also usually bounce ideas off of the city's permitting department at the permit counter or over email. | 1 | 4,129 | 4.25 |
w62c2p | legaladvice_train | 0.92 | If I buy an undeveloped plot of land in a residential zone, can I build a little shack and camp on it? I know it might sound weird, but there's a little plot of land for sale on the outskirts of my town and I'm considering attempting to buy it cheap. However, I don't want to build a house on it, outside of maybe a "tiny home" style shack with no plumbing, electrical, or anything of the like, and I'd mainly like to use it for recreational activities (like a backyard basically). Would I potentially get in trouble for doing so? | ihbqg28 | ihbxvr4 | 1,658,586,329 | 1,658,589,643 | 4 | 17 | It’d be best to ask a real estate lawyer or simpler yet, your Zoning Board (your City or County, depending on where you live). Even though it’s residential, there are usually at LEAST 3 designators (~sub-categories) of residential (and same for the other zone types—usually 12+ in total, per community, varying slightly at each). | Beyond "residential" you need to figure out what the specific zoning is (for example, in my county R15 is a 1/3 acre lot, R20 is a 1/2 acre lot, and they have different rules). It's probably on the listing if it's a vacant lot. Otherwise, go through your city/county website and try to find it through the property appraiser, tax assessor, or GIS (geographic information systems) department. Many localities have property information on a platform called qpublic. Google "[your city] zoning ordinance." You should be able to find the full text through a site like municode, justia, or your city/county might have it available online. But if it's in an established residential area, it's likely going to be frowned upon if not specifically outlawed. | 0 | 3,314 | 4.25 |
w62c2p | legaladvice_train | 0.92 | If I buy an undeveloped plot of land in a residential zone, can I build a little shack and camp on it? I know it might sound weird, but there's a little plot of land for sale on the outskirts of my town and I'm considering attempting to buy it cheap. However, I don't want to build a house on it, outside of maybe a "tiny home" style shack with no plumbing, electrical, or anything of the like, and I'd mainly like to use it for recreational activities (like a backyard basically). Would I potentially get in trouble for doing so? | ihc4btg | ihboom7 | 1,658,592,424 | 1,658,585,514 | 11 | 4 | A large part of the “tiny house” movement (if you call it that) was about being able to get around those sorts of regulations. It was prohibitively expensive to build a regular house, but houses below a certain square footage would be exempt from certain rules. So the market for these small houses found a great niche and grew. These regulations are generally done at town, city, county or state level, so it’s impossible for us to say what would or would t be allowed without us knowing more. Another example is that people are bringing up certain building codes; many locations only enforce them if it’s done by professional builders or you’re selling it, so if you built yourself for yourself many more things are allowed. | Check your local municipal code. Should have zoning regulations and building regulations. (usually these are electronic and online so you can search them.) Some have explicit anti camping ordinances or regulations on temporary dwellings (inclusive of RVs that aren't just being stored) and will have specific regulations as to what is permissible in residential zones. You can also usually bounce ideas off of the city's permitting department at the permit counter or over email. | 1 | 6,910 | 2.75 |
w62c2p | legaladvice_train | 0.92 | If I buy an undeveloped plot of land in a residential zone, can I build a little shack and camp on it? I know it might sound weird, but there's a little plot of land for sale on the outskirts of my town and I'm considering attempting to buy it cheap. However, I don't want to build a house on it, outside of maybe a "tiny home" style shack with no plumbing, electrical, or anything of the like, and I'd mainly like to use it for recreational activities (like a backyard basically). Would I potentially get in trouble for doing so? | ihbqg28 | ihc4btg | 1,658,586,329 | 1,658,592,424 | 4 | 11 | It’d be best to ask a real estate lawyer or simpler yet, your Zoning Board (your City or County, depending on where you live). Even though it’s residential, there are usually at LEAST 3 designators (~sub-categories) of residential (and same for the other zone types—usually 12+ in total, per community, varying slightly at each). | A large part of the “tiny house” movement (if you call it that) was about being able to get around those sorts of regulations. It was prohibitively expensive to build a regular house, but houses below a certain square footage would be exempt from certain rules. So the market for these small houses found a great niche and grew. These regulations are generally done at town, city, county or state level, so it’s impossible for us to say what would or would t be allowed without us knowing more. Another example is that people are bringing up certain building codes; many locations only enforce them if it’s done by professional builders or you’re selling it, so if you built yourself for yourself many more things are allowed. | 0 | 6,095 | 2.75 |
ur1tu9 | legaladvice_train | 0.97 | Buying a property that fell through on day of closing because seller didn't have legal right to sell. Realtor is representing both sides of transaction. Do I have recourse to recoup expenses during this transaction? (alaska, USA) Real estate agent told me of a property they were going to be listing back in November. The seller was a young man selling his and his dad's duplex after his dad passed away. Having recently dealt with this, I asked if he was already in probate and the agent said he had a quit claim deed and that he was good to go. I've put up $8700 earnest money, $1600 for the VA Appraisal and $450 for an engineers report. Fast forward to closing. Two days before closing the title company issued the title commitment. I notice that the commitment is showing both dad and sons name. I ask about it and I'm told no issues. Day of closing I'm told things are falling apart because the title company won't move forward as the estate is not in probate. Quit claim moved the deed from dad's name and into son and dads name, so half the duplex is still part of the estate. Realtor is blaming the title company for not saying something sooner. I was told he should be able to get into probate fast, he agreed to pay any rate lock extensions which bought us a few weeks and I waited. Now his siblings are contesting the will and my rate will most definitely expire, assuming this even gets sold anytime soon. I locked 2.75 and now rates are 5.15 and I won't be moving forward as this raises the payment almost 600 a month in interest and no longer makes sense. I was sent a rescission agreement and it only stipulates getting back my $8700 earnest. Am I simply out the other $2050 from the appraisal and eng. Report? I know if I had chosen to walk away I would be, but because they never had authority to sell the property do I have some recourse to recoup those costs? | i8wj87k | i8we5aq | 1,652,756,928 | 1,652,754,255 | 15 | 6 | This doesn't completely add up and I have a fair amount of experience with estates. 1. The title company seems ignorant of how estates work and you should be referring most of this to your lawyer. 2. If Dad is dead, he can't sell half a house. If the son is the executor (legal boss of the estate), everything he sells is sold under the estate of so and so. There is no half to Dad and half to son. The estate is the primary player. The son may be the beneficiary of a portion at some point. There should be no personal names listed at all. 3. There is no such thing as fast probate if the estate was never established. It can take weeks just to get an estate number with the IRS. 4. If the son attempted to sell a house without opening an estate, he's committed fraud and possible tax evasion. 5. A contested will requires an entire hearing. 6. You can file a claim against the seller's real estate agent with the county real estate board for not checking to see that all of the seller's ducks were in a row. 7. Overall, I feel the seller doesn't have a proper estate lawyer. I don't know if the seller willfully acted to defraud. However, he seems to have skipped over ten major legalities. He may not have enough experience to correct the title company as what they have done is totally INCORRECT. The son can't be on the deed until the house is done with probate. | Get you a real estate attorney that works in this county right away | 1 | 2,673 | 2.5 |
ur1tu9 | legaladvice_train | 0.97 | Buying a property that fell through on day of closing because seller didn't have legal right to sell. Realtor is representing both sides of transaction. Do I have recourse to recoup expenses during this transaction? (alaska, USA) Real estate agent told me of a property they were going to be listing back in November. The seller was a young man selling his and his dad's duplex after his dad passed away. Having recently dealt with this, I asked if he was already in probate and the agent said he had a quit claim deed and that he was good to go. I've put up $8700 earnest money, $1600 for the VA Appraisal and $450 for an engineers report. Fast forward to closing. Two days before closing the title company issued the title commitment. I notice that the commitment is showing both dad and sons name. I ask about it and I'm told no issues. Day of closing I'm told things are falling apart because the title company won't move forward as the estate is not in probate. Quit claim moved the deed from dad's name and into son and dads name, so half the duplex is still part of the estate. Realtor is blaming the title company for not saying something sooner. I was told he should be able to get into probate fast, he agreed to pay any rate lock extensions which bought us a few weeks and I waited. Now his siblings are contesting the will and my rate will most definitely expire, assuming this even gets sold anytime soon. I locked 2.75 and now rates are 5.15 and I won't be moving forward as this raises the payment almost 600 a month in interest and no longer makes sense. I was sent a rescission agreement and it only stipulates getting back my $8700 earnest. Am I simply out the other $2050 from the appraisal and eng. Report? I know if I had chosen to walk away I would be, but because they never had authority to sell the property do I have some recourse to recoup those costs? | i8xc5fe | i8we5aq | 1,652,778,665 | 1,652,754,255 | 13 | 6 | The title company and your lender should have caught this WAY sooner than 2 days before closing if you went into contract when the rates were 2.75. The estate might not have claim since the son is also listed with the deceased father if there is survivorship language granting the other a transfer in case one party is deceased. Just need an affidavit and the death certificate it bypasses probate. This maybe what was being referred to as quick probate. | Get you a real estate attorney that works in this county right away | 1 | 24,410 | 2.166667 |
xhgkgc | legaladvice_train | 0.94 | KS Property Manager here: main line sewage back up into tenants apartment, their property is destroyed - are we responsible for their damages? I manage a Multifamily property (under a property management company). Buildings are 3 stories, 2 sub-ground basement units, 2nd floor, 3rd floor. 1 of the sub-ground residents had sewage backing up through the drain in their utility closet. We call out a plumber to unclog. They were not able to fully unclog so they go to the main line (I’m assuming?) outside to flush the pipe out. Maintenance tech asked the plumbers if doing this would cause it to flush out/back up into the residents apartment. Plumbers promised no, it would go out into the street. Well, it didn’t. I’d say about 700 of the 900 sq ft apartment flooded with sewage. All over their furniture, etc. They have renters insurance but don’t want to file a claim. They say they can argue we should be responsible for compensation of loss of their property. Any advice on this? The company I work for seems to be shitty and doesn’t believe we are. It was like pulling teeth to get them to agree to provide accommodations/transfer. After sending them the pics, my regional barely agreed to hotel for 1 night then wanted us to get it cleaned up and they could return I the apartment next day. I get to deal with the residents and their parents tomorrow and they are going to be pushing me for answers. I’d like to know a lawyers opinion on this/get some info to pass along to my supervisors since they aren’t taking this very seriously. | ioxhogp | ioxbxrx | 1,663,510,954 | 1,663,508,373 | 1,621 | 33 | The tenant should file a claim with their renters insurance, who will probably come after your company and/or the property owner. You should really talk to your company about hiring an actual lawyer or having a legal department. | The question here is whether your employer of the landlord or someone else was negligent. Was the maintenance tech directing the plumber's work? It sounds to me like the most responsible party here might be the plumbing company. Perhaps you dhould contact them and say you expect them to take responsibility and try to get them to give you their insurance info to pass on to the tenant. Or give the tenant the plumbing company's name and number and suggest to the tenant that they contact the plumbing company. >and their parents tomorrow Why are you dealing with parents? How old are the tenants? | 1 | 2,581 | 49.121212 |
xhgkgc | legaladvice_train | 0.94 | KS Property Manager here: main line sewage back up into tenants apartment, their property is destroyed - are we responsible for their damages? I manage a Multifamily property (under a property management company). Buildings are 3 stories, 2 sub-ground basement units, 2nd floor, 3rd floor. 1 of the sub-ground residents had sewage backing up through the drain in their utility closet. We call out a plumber to unclog. They were not able to fully unclog so they go to the main line (I’m assuming?) outside to flush the pipe out. Maintenance tech asked the plumbers if doing this would cause it to flush out/back up into the residents apartment. Plumbers promised no, it would go out into the street. Well, it didn’t. I’d say about 700 of the 900 sq ft apartment flooded with sewage. All over their furniture, etc. They have renters insurance but don’t want to file a claim. They say they can argue we should be responsible for compensation of loss of their property. Any advice on this? The company I work for seems to be shitty and doesn’t believe we are. It was like pulling teeth to get them to agree to provide accommodations/transfer. After sending them the pics, my regional barely agreed to hotel for 1 night then wanted us to get it cleaned up and they could return I the apartment next day. I get to deal with the residents and their parents tomorrow and they are going to be pushing me for answers. I’d like to know a lawyers opinion on this/get some info to pass along to my supervisors since they aren’t taking this very seriously. | ioxmleo | ioxbxrx | 1,663,513,015 | 1,663,508,373 | 448 | 33 | > They have renters insurance but don’t want to file a claim. If they don't want to a file a claim with their insurance, why are they paying for insurance? Either way, their options are to file a claim with their insurance, or sue the property management company for damages. If they file with their insurance, the insurance company can then go after the property management company (subrogation) to recover the cost of the damages. You would then file a claim against them the plumbers insurance for any costs you incur as a result of this. If the plumber has no insurance, you would sue the plumber. In each individual suit the courts will examine the evidence and make a judgement. | The question here is whether your employer of the landlord or someone else was negligent. Was the maintenance tech directing the plumber's work? It sounds to me like the most responsible party here might be the plumbing company. Perhaps you dhould contact them and say you expect them to take responsibility and try to get them to give you their insurance info to pass on to the tenant. Or give the tenant the plumbing company's name and number and suggest to the tenant that they contact the plumbing company. >and their parents tomorrow Why are you dealing with parents? How old are the tenants? | 1 | 4,642 | 13.575758 |
xhgkgc | legaladvice_train | 0.94 | KS Property Manager here: main line sewage back up into tenants apartment, their property is destroyed - are we responsible for their damages? I manage a Multifamily property (under a property management company). Buildings are 3 stories, 2 sub-ground basement units, 2nd floor, 3rd floor. 1 of the sub-ground residents had sewage backing up through the drain in their utility closet. We call out a plumber to unclog. They were not able to fully unclog so they go to the main line (I’m assuming?) outside to flush the pipe out. Maintenance tech asked the plumbers if doing this would cause it to flush out/back up into the residents apartment. Plumbers promised no, it would go out into the street. Well, it didn’t. I’d say about 700 of the 900 sq ft apartment flooded with sewage. All over their furniture, etc. They have renters insurance but don’t want to file a claim. They say they can argue we should be responsible for compensation of loss of their property. Any advice on this? The company I work for seems to be shitty and doesn’t believe we are. It was like pulling teeth to get them to agree to provide accommodations/transfer. After sending them the pics, my regional barely agreed to hotel for 1 night then wanted us to get it cleaned up and they could return I the apartment next day. I get to deal with the residents and their parents tomorrow and they are going to be pushing me for answers. I’d like to know a lawyers opinion on this/get some info to pass along to my supervisors since they aren’t taking this very seriously. | ioysocu | ioxbxrx | 1,663,529,010 | 1,663,508,373 | 70 | 33 | Shouldn't the plumbing service be insured for this sort of thing? It seems like they'd be the responsible party. | The question here is whether your employer of the landlord or someone else was negligent. Was the maintenance tech directing the plumber's work? It sounds to me like the most responsible party here might be the plumbing company. Perhaps you dhould contact them and say you expect them to take responsibility and try to get them to give you their insurance info to pass on to the tenant. Or give the tenant the plumbing company's name and number and suggest to the tenant that they contact the plumbing company. >and their parents tomorrow Why are you dealing with parents? How old are the tenants? | 1 | 20,637 | 2.121212 |
xhgkgc | legaladvice_train | 0.94 | KS Property Manager here: main line sewage back up into tenants apartment, their property is destroyed - are we responsible for their damages? I manage a Multifamily property (under a property management company). Buildings are 3 stories, 2 sub-ground basement units, 2nd floor, 3rd floor. 1 of the sub-ground residents had sewage backing up through the drain in their utility closet. We call out a plumber to unclog. They were not able to fully unclog so they go to the main line (I’m assuming?) outside to flush the pipe out. Maintenance tech asked the plumbers if doing this would cause it to flush out/back up into the residents apartment. Plumbers promised no, it would go out into the street. Well, it didn’t. I’d say about 700 of the 900 sq ft apartment flooded with sewage. All over their furniture, etc. They have renters insurance but don’t want to file a claim. They say they can argue we should be responsible for compensation of loss of their property. Any advice on this? The company I work for seems to be shitty and doesn’t believe we are. It was like pulling teeth to get them to agree to provide accommodations/transfer. After sending them the pics, my regional barely agreed to hotel for 1 night then wanted us to get it cleaned up and they could return I the apartment next day. I get to deal with the residents and their parents tomorrow and they are going to be pushing me for answers. I’d like to know a lawyers opinion on this/get some info to pass along to my supervisors since they aren’t taking this very seriously. | ioyf50c | ioysocu | 1,663,524,090 | 1,663,529,010 | 24 | 70 | I've dealt with this before... plumbers have never flooded an apartment by flushing it out for me. Any sewage that got into the apartment was before the plumbers showed up. It seems this flood part of it was caused by the negligence of the plumber. Tenant should file with renters insurance to handle personal belongings. Renters insurance should go after recouping their loss from appropriate at fault party if negligence was involved. Apartment community should work with plumbers insurance to recoup property damage losses. | Shouldn't the plumbing service be insured for this sort of thing? It seems like they'd be the responsible party. | 0 | 4,920 | 2.916667 |
xhgkgc | legaladvice_train | 0.94 | KS Property Manager here: main line sewage back up into tenants apartment, their property is destroyed - are we responsible for their damages? I manage a Multifamily property (under a property management company). Buildings are 3 stories, 2 sub-ground basement units, 2nd floor, 3rd floor. 1 of the sub-ground residents had sewage backing up through the drain in their utility closet. We call out a plumber to unclog. They were not able to fully unclog so they go to the main line (I’m assuming?) outside to flush the pipe out. Maintenance tech asked the plumbers if doing this would cause it to flush out/back up into the residents apartment. Plumbers promised no, it would go out into the street. Well, it didn’t. I’d say about 700 of the 900 sq ft apartment flooded with sewage. All over their furniture, etc. They have renters insurance but don’t want to file a claim. They say they can argue we should be responsible for compensation of loss of their property. Any advice on this? The company I work for seems to be shitty and doesn’t believe we are. It was like pulling teeth to get them to agree to provide accommodations/transfer. After sending them the pics, my regional barely agreed to hotel for 1 night then wanted us to get it cleaned up and they could return I the apartment next day. I get to deal with the residents and their parents tomorrow and they are going to be pushing me for answers. I’d like to know a lawyers opinion on this/get some info to pass along to my supervisors since they aren’t taking this very seriously. | ioysocu | ioynujd | 1,663,529,010 | 1,663,527,262 | 70 | 19 | Shouldn't the plumbing service be insured for this sort of thing? It seems like they'd be the responsible party. | I’m a plumber. Idk about KS, but in my area, if usually depends on the cause of the blockage. If it’s legitimate damage to the sewer line, such as roots, heavy offsets, or collapses, it’s usually considered not the tenants fault, since it’s not their responsibility to fix the sewer line. If the blockage is due to abuse, such as wipes or grease, it’s usually considered the tenants fault. Roots can be the swinging vote. Some insurance companies consider it the tenants responsibility to keep roots out of the sewer line. On a personal note, get the sewer line inspected and repaired, no matter whose fault the insurance companies decide it is. Be a good manager and convince the owner to pony up for it. The last thing you want is to have this headache again. Cause no matter what, this doesn’t end well for the owner. If the tenants are not at fault, then the owner is waiting for the next time the sewer backs up. If the tenants are found at fault, don’t be surprised if they move out, cause they’re gonna feel like they got screwed over because the line backed up. | 1 | 1,748 | 3.684211 |
xhgkgc | legaladvice_train | 0.94 | KS Property Manager here: main line sewage back up into tenants apartment, their property is destroyed - are we responsible for their damages? I manage a Multifamily property (under a property management company). Buildings are 3 stories, 2 sub-ground basement units, 2nd floor, 3rd floor. 1 of the sub-ground residents had sewage backing up through the drain in their utility closet. We call out a plumber to unclog. They were not able to fully unclog so they go to the main line (I’m assuming?) outside to flush the pipe out. Maintenance tech asked the plumbers if doing this would cause it to flush out/back up into the residents apartment. Plumbers promised no, it would go out into the street. Well, it didn’t. I’d say about 700 of the 900 sq ft apartment flooded with sewage. All over their furniture, etc. They have renters insurance but don’t want to file a claim. They say they can argue we should be responsible for compensation of loss of their property. Any advice on this? The company I work for seems to be shitty and doesn’t believe we are. It was like pulling teeth to get them to agree to provide accommodations/transfer. After sending them the pics, my regional barely agreed to hotel for 1 night then wanted us to get it cleaned up and they could return I the apartment next day. I get to deal with the residents and their parents tomorrow and they are going to be pushing me for answers. I’d like to know a lawyers opinion on this/get some info to pass along to my supervisors since they aren’t taking this very seriously. | ioysocu | ioyg6fu | 1,663,529,010 | 1,663,524,463 | 70 | 13 | Shouldn't the plumbing service be insured for this sort of thing? It seems like they'd be the responsible party. | The best thing you can do for them as I see it is work on getting it cleaned up as fast as possible, and tell them to go through their insurance. Explain that their insurance will go through the property management's or the owner's or the plumbing company's insurance to get the money. If they don't want to and would rather sue directly, then so be it. Unfortunately you aren't in charge of the money and can't force your boss to fork it over. | 1 | 4,547 | 5.384615 |
xhgkgc | legaladvice_train | 0.94 | KS Property Manager here: main line sewage back up into tenants apartment, their property is destroyed - are we responsible for their damages? I manage a Multifamily property (under a property management company). Buildings are 3 stories, 2 sub-ground basement units, 2nd floor, 3rd floor. 1 of the sub-ground residents had sewage backing up through the drain in their utility closet. We call out a plumber to unclog. They were not able to fully unclog so they go to the main line (I’m assuming?) outside to flush the pipe out. Maintenance tech asked the plumbers if doing this would cause it to flush out/back up into the residents apartment. Plumbers promised no, it would go out into the street. Well, it didn’t. I’d say about 700 of the 900 sq ft apartment flooded with sewage. All over their furniture, etc. They have renters insurance but don’t want to file a claim. They say they can argue we should be responsible for compensation of loss of their property. Any advice on this? The company I work for seems to be shitty and doesn’t believe we are. It was like pulling teeth to get them to agree to provide accommodations/transfer. After sending them the pics, my regional barely agreed to hotel for 1 night then wanted us to get it cleaned up and they could return I the apartment next day. I get to deal with the residents and their parents tomorrow and they are going to be pushing me for answers. I’d like to know a lawyers opinion on this/get some info to pass along to my supervisors since they aren’t taking this very seriously. | ioysocu | ioy51yw | 1,663,529,010 | 1,663,520,355 | 70 | 8 | Shouldn't the plumbing service be insured for this sort of thing? It seems like they'd be the responsible party. | it sounds like the plumber may have been negligent and ultimately responsible for damage to the landlord's real property and to the tenant's personal property. hopefully the property manager and/or landlord have insurance as there are potential property and liability insuance claims. property - for the clean up of the rental property to get it habitable again; backup is an optional coverage so hopefully the property manager purchased it liability - tenant has claimed the property manager is liable for damage to tenant's personal property if the property manager / landlord have insurance, that insurer can help get things sorted. this may involve subrogation against the plumber. subrogation is when an insurer pays out but then tries to collect what they paid out from the responsible party (i.e. the plumber). if you don't have insurance for either the property or liability components, you can try to get the plumber or plumbers insurer to pay on your own or by hiring a lawyer. but hopefully the landlord / property manager have insurance as the insurer will do this for you for free if you have coverage. | 1 | 8,655 | 8.75 |
xhgkgc | legaladvice_train | 0.94 | KS Property Manager here: main line sewage back up into tenants apartment, their property is destroyed - are we responsible for their damages? I manage a Multifamily property (under a property management company). Buildings are 3 stories, 2 sub-ground basement units, 2nd floor, 3rd floor. 1 of the sub-ground residents had sewage backing up through the drain in their utility closet. We call out a plumber to unclog. They were not able to fully unclog so they go to the main line (I’m assuming?) outside to flush the pipe out. Maintenance tech asked the plumbers if doing this would cause it to flush out/back up into the residents apartment. Plumbers promised no, it would go out into the street. Well, it didn’t. I’d say about 700 of the 900 sq ft apartment flooded with sewage. All over their furniture, etc. They have renters insurance but don’t want to file a claim. They say they can argue we should be responsible for compensation of loss of their property. Any advice on this? The company I work for seems to be shitty and doesn’t believe we are. It was like pulling teeth to get them to agree to provide accommodations/transfer. After sending them the pics, my regional barely agreed to hotel for 1 night then wanted us to get it cleaned up and they could return I the apartment next day. I get to deal with the residents and their parents tomorrow and they are going to be pushing me for answers. I’d like to know a lawyers opinion on this/get some info to pass along to my supervisors since they aren’t taking this very seriously. | ioxbxrx | ioyd2us | 1,663,508,373 | 1,663,523,342 | 33 | 70 | The question here is whether your employer of the landlord or someone else was negligent. Was the maintenance tech directing the plumber's work? It sounds to me like the most responsible party here might be the plumbing company. Perhaps you dhould contact them and say you expect them to take responsibility and try to get them to give you their insurance info to pass on to the tenant. Or give the tenant the plumbing company's name and number and suggest to the tenant that they contact the plumbing company. >and their parents tomorrow Why are you dealing with parents? How old are the tenants? | Oh my gosh, what a nightmare for everyone involved, but esp the tenants:( first floor units do get the brunt of plumbing issues but this is so gross. Hope it gets worked out soon, OP. | 0 | 14,969 | 2.121212 |
xhgkgc | legaladvice_train | 0.94 | KS Property Manager here: main line sewage back up into tenants apartment, their property is destroyed - are we responsible for their damages? I manage a Multifamily property (under a property management company). Buildings are 3 stories, 2 sub-ground basement units, 2nd floor, 3rd floor. 1 of the sub-ground residents had sewage backing up through the drain in their utility closet. We call out a plumber to unclog. They were not able to fully unclog so they go to the main line (I’m assuming?) outside to flush the pipe out. Maintenance tech asked the plumbers if doing this would cause it to flush out/back up into the residents apartment. Plumbers promised no, it would go out into the street. Well, it didn’t. I’d say about 700 of the 900 sq ft apartment flooded with sewage. All over their furniture, etc. They have renters insurance but don’t want to file a claim. They say they can argue we should be responsible for compensation of loss of their property. Any advice on this? The company I work for seems to be shitty and doesn’t believe we are. It was like pulling teeth to get them to agree to provide accommodations/transfer. After sending them the pics, my regional barely agreed to hotel for 1 night then wanted us to get it cleaned up and they could return I the apartment next day. I get to deal with the residents and their parents tomorrow and they are going to be pushing me for answers. I’d like to know a lawyers opinion on this/get some info to pass along to my supervisors since they aren’t taking this very seriously. | ioyd2us | ioy51yw | 1,663,523,342 | 1,663,520,355 | 70 | 8 | Oh my gosh, what a nightmare for everyone involved, but esp the tenants:( first floor units do get the brunt of plumbing issues but this is so gross. Hope it gets worked out soon, OP. | it sounds like the plumber may have been negligent and ultimately responsible for damage to the landlord's real property and to the tenant's personal property. hopefully the property manager and/or landlord have insurance as there are potential property and liability insuance claims. property - for the clean up of the rental property to get it habitable again; backup is an optional coverage so hopefully the property manager purchased it liability - tenant has claimed the property manager is liable for damage to tenant's personal property if the property manager / landlord have insurance, that insurer can help get things sorted. this may involve subrogation against the plumber. subrogation is when an insurer pays out but then tries to collect what they paid out from the responsible party (i.e. the plumber). if you don't have insurance for either the property or liability components, you can try to get the plumber or plumbers insurer to pay on your own or by hiring a lawyer. but hopefully the landlord / property manager have insurance as the insurer will do this for you for free if you have coverage. | 1 | 2,987 | 8.75 |
xhgkgc | legaladvice_train | 0.94 | KS Property Manager here: main line sewage back up into tenants apartment, their property is destroyed - are we responsible for their damages? I manage a Multifamily property (under a property management company). Buildings are 3 stories, 2 sub-ground basement units, 2nd floor, 3rd floor. 1 of the sub-ground residents had sewage backing up through the drain in their utility closet. We call out a plumber to unclog. They were not able to fully unclog so they go to the main line (I’m assuming?) outside to flush the pipe out. Maintenance tech asked the plumbers if doing this would cause it to flush out/back up into the residents apartment. Plumbers promised no, it would go out into the street. Well, it didn’t. I’d say about 700 of the 900 sq ft apartment flooded with sewage. All over their furniture, etc. They have renters insurance but don’t want to file a claim. They say they can argue we should be responsible for compensation of loss of their property. Any advice on this? The company I work for seems to be shitty and doesn’t believe we are. It was like pulling teeth to get them to agree to provide accommodations/transfer. After sending them the pics, my regional barely agreed to hotel for 1 night then wanted us to get it cleaned up and they could return I the apartment next day. I get to deal with the residents and their parents tomorrow and they are going to be pushing me for answers. I’d like to know a lawyers opinion on this/get some info to pass along to my supervisors since they aren’t taking this very seriously. | ioyf50c | ioy51yw | 1,663,524,090 | 1,663,520,355 | 24 | 8 | I've dealt with this before... plumbers have never flooded an apartment by flushing it out for me. Any sewage that got into the apartment was before the plumbers showed up. It seems this flood part of it was caused by the negligence of the plumber. Tenant should file with renters insurance to handle personal belongings. Renters insurance should go after recouping their loss from appropriate at fault party if negligence was involved. Apartment community should work with plumbers insurance to recoup property damage losses. | it sounds like the plumber may have been negligent and ultimately responsible for damage to the landlord's real property and to the tenant's personal property. hopefully the property manager and/or landlord have insurance as there are potential property and liability insuance claims. property - for the clean up of the rental property to get it habitable again; backup is an optional coverage so hopefully the property manager purchased it liability - tenant has claimed the property manager is liable for damage to tenant's personal property if the property manager / landlord have insurance, that insurer can help get things sorted. this may involve subrogation against the plumber. subrogation is when an insurer pays out but then tries to collect what they paid out from the responsible party (i.e. the plumber). if you don't have insurance for either the property or liability components, you can try to get the plumber or plumbers insurer to pay on your own or by hiring a lawyer. but hopefully the landlord / property manager have insurance as the insurer will do this for you for free if you have coverage. | 1 | 3,735 | 3 |
xhgkgc | legaladvice_train | 0.94 | KS Property Manager here: main line sewage back up into tenants apartment, their property is destroyed - are we responsible for their damages? I manage a Multifamily property (under a property management company). Buildings are 3 stories, 2 sub-ground basement units, 2nd floor, 3rd floor. 1 of the sub-ground residents had sewage backing up through the drain in their utility closet. We call out a plumber to unclog. They were not able to fully unclog so they go to the main line (I’m assuming?) outside to flush the pipe out. Maintenance tech asked the plumbers if doing this would cause it to flush out/back up into the residents apartment. Plumbers promised no, it would go out into the street. Well, it didn’t. I’d say about 700 of the 900 sq ft apartment flooded with sewage. All over their furniture, etc. They have renters insurance but don’t want to file a claim. They say they can argue we should be responsible for compensation of loss of their property. Any advice on this? The company I work for seems to be shitty and doesn’t believe we are. It was like pulling teeth to get them to agree to provide accommodations/transfer. After sending them the pics, my regional barely agreed to hotel for 1 night then wanted us to get it cleaned up and they could return I the apartment next day. I get to deal with the residents and their parents tomorrow and they are going to be pushing me for answers. I’d like to know a lawyers opinion on this/get some info to pass along to my supervisors since they aren’t taking this very seriously. | ioynujd | iozj9sf | 1,663,527,262 | 1,663,538,982 | 19 | 22 | I’m a plumber. Idk about KS, but in my area, if usually depends on the cause of the blockage. If it’s legitimate damage to the sewer line, such as roots, heavy offsets, or collapses, it’s usually considered not the tenants fault, since it’s not their responsibility to fix the sewer line. If the blockage is due to abuse, such as wipes or grease, it’s usually considered the tenants fault. Roots can be the swinging vote. Some insurance companies consider it the tenants responsibility to keep roots out of the sewer line. On a personal note, get the sewer line inspected and repaired, no matter whose fault the insurance companies decide it is. Be a good manager and convince the owner to pony up for it. The last thing you want is to have this headache again. Cause no matter what, this doesn’t end well for the owner. If the tenants are not at fault, then the owner is waiting for the next time the sewer backs up. If the tenants are found at fault, don’t be surprised if they move out, cause they’re gonna feel like they got screwed over because the line backed up. | The tenants need to file a claim with their insurance. Their insurance company will duke it out with your company or their insurer. The plumbers could also be at fault, so their company name should be provided to both insurers. | 0 | 11,720 | 1.157895 |
xhgkgc | legaladvice_train | 0.94 | KS Property Manager here: main line sewage back up into tenants apartment, their property is destroyed - are we responsible for their damages? I manage a Multifamily property (under a property management company). Buildings are 3 stories, 2 sub-ground basement units, 2nd floor, 3rd floor. 1 of the sub-ground residents had sewage backing up through the drain in their utility closet. We call out a plumber to unclog. They were not able to fully unclog so they go to the main line (I’m assuming?) outside to flush the pipe out. Maintenance tech asked the plumbers if doing this would cause it to flush out/back up into the residents apartment. Plumbers promised no, it would go out into the street. Well, it didn’t. I’d say about 700 of the 900 sq ft apartment flooded with sewage. All over their furniture, etc. They have renters insurance but don’t want to file a claim. They say they can argue we should be responsible for compensation of loss of their property. Any advice on this? The company I work for seems to be shitty and doesn’t believe we are. It was like pulling teeth to get them to agree to provide accommodations/transfer. After sending them the pics, my regional barely agreed to hotel for 1 night then wanted us to get it cleaned up and they could return I the apartment next day. I get to deal with the residents and their parents tomorrow and they are going to be pushing me for answers. I’d like to know a lawyers opinion on this/get some info to pass along to my supervisors since they aren’t taking this very seriously. | iozj9sf | iozb076 | 1,663,538,982 | 1,663,535,721 | 22 | 14 | The tenants need to file a claim with their insurance. Their insurance company will duke it out with your company or their insurer. The plumbers could also be at fault, so their company name should be provided to both insurers. | Not a lawyer, but worked in property insurance for way too long. There are a few different parts to a property policy. That’s why you get a list of form numbers on your declaration page. My job was to read & interpret those forms. For a rental property, the owner is responsible for damage to the “structure”. Anything behind the paint on the walls. Those claims are settled much faster. The tenants are responsible for “contents” only. These are usually written for the individual. Some have riders (extra forms) for things like jewelry or art. Some policies include ALE (additional living expense), which pays for them to stay at a hotel and covers meals. (OMG, I had a guy claim his cigarettes & beer he bought everyday on his way home from work & they COVERED IT!!) Content claims take a while. Someone needs to go into that mess, take inventory, then research how much things cost. Lost 3 pairs of jeans? The claim will cover 3 pairs of jeans, but someone needs to count them. You would never be responsible for any of their property. If you manage a complex, I’d bet my unicorn you have tenants sign a waiver recommending they get renter’s insurance because the complex isn’t responsible for anything damaged or stolen. Sorry this is long, but it’s not really complicated if it’s explained correctly. | 1 | 3,261 | 1.571429 |
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